Order of Man - How to Converse Like a Man, Not a Boy ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler,

00:00:27.600 and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the Order of Man movement. I want to welcome

00:00:32.360 you here. Glad you're tuning in. I'm just coming off of a trip that I have had planned for a while,

00:00:38.560 and it's the first trip I've probably had in months due to this COVID-19 thing, but I was

00:00:42.540 fortunate enough to go connect with Andy Priscilla at his new facility, and man, I got to tell you,

00:00:47.680 that new facility is absolutely amazing. I don't think he's disclosed a lot of information about

00:00:53.300 what's in there, but I know he will, so stay tuned for that, and also stay tuned for our podcast.

00:00:57.400 We spent nearly four hours podcasting, two for his podcast, two for mine, so that'll be coming

00:01:03.920 here, I believe, next week that podcast will be available, and no joke, it's legitimately one of

00:01:10.120 the best and my most favorite conversations that I've had to date since starting, what,

00:01:16.820 five and a half years ago, so make sure you're tuned in. Make sure you're subscribed. I don't want

00:01:21.460 you to miss that interview or any other conversations or podcasts that we're having. This one is very,

00:01:26.900 very important in the midst and light of everything that's going on with just the world in general and

00:01:34.080 our inability, it seems like, at times to be able to have civil discourse and to be able to have the

00:01:39.940 conversations that frankly need to be had, and I think if we can come to the table and start having

00:01:44.540 some of these real conversations with some rules and guidelines that I'm going to outline today,

00:01:48.960 not only are we going to start presenting and seeing some solutions, but we're going to come to

00:01:53.280 some mutual understanding. If we learn to adopt these principles into our, the way that we

00:01:59.940 communicate, our standard operating procedures for the way that we communicate, we'll get more done,

00:02:04.280 we'll be more influential, we'll be more impactful, we'll make more money. Everything that you want

00:02:09.260 comes down, and I've been saying it for years, comes down to your ability to communicate effectively,

00:02:14.240 and what I see in society is so many men, and I'm hesitant even using that term because when it comes

00:02:23.320 to the way they communicate with people, they're not behaving like men, they're behaving like

00:02:27.140 my four-year-old little child. So these are males of adult age, but they're acting like adolescents.

00:02:36.900 They're screaming and they're whining and they're yelling and they're talking over each other and

00:02:41.240 throwing temper tantrums. And ultimately it's producing the exact opposite of what we're

00:02:47.680 trying to create, which is the ability to thrive, right? We all want to make money. We all want to

00:02:52.920 have experiences. We all want to have romantic relationships. We want to have deep connections.

00:02:57.200 We want to feel some sense of meaning and fulfillment purpose in our lives. All of us want that. And yet

00:03:04.460 we're so worried about making sure that our voice is heard at the expense of having civil discourse.

00:03:12.180 And it's a shame because this to me is the root of a lot of the issues that we're dealing with.

00:03:18.760 And this podcast, frankly, is part of that solution. And the reason I wanted to talk with you about this

00:03:24.620 today is because Andy and I actually talked about this when we recorded a couple of days ago.

00:03:30.120 Uh, and we, we talked about the need for being able to have conversations like men.

00:03:37.140 So what I want to do today is explain to you and share with you five, I don't know what you want

00:03:42.140 to call them, bullet points, principles. I like standard operating procedures. Cause these are

00:03:47.520 things that you just need to incorporate into your communication. And when you do, you're going to

00:03:53.520 be better off. The people you're wanting to serve are going to be better off. Even the people that you

00:03:57.180 don't even have any responsibility or obligation for, those people are going to be better off.

00:04:01.440 So let's break this down. Uh, like I said, I've got five of them. I wanted to talk with you about

00:04:05.020 each one, um, briefly, and maybe you have some additional thoughts and ideas. Make sure you're

00:04:08.980 connected with me on the socials. Primarily, uh, Instagram is probably best. That's where I spend

00:04:14.460 most of my time when it comes to social media. Uh, but you can connect on, on YouTube, order of man.

00:04:19.920 Instagram is at Ryan Mickler. Twitter's at Ryan Mickler. Facebook is at Ryan Mickler. You can find me,

00:04:24.260 you can track me down. So make sure you do it. And we'll continue to have these conversations

00:04:27.760 outside the podcast. So point number one, and I put this one first for a reason, but you have to

00:04:34.940 be able to pick your fights when it comes to conversing and having conversations with individuals,

00:04:40.480 you have to pick your fights. And I know social media is not conducive to being able to have these

00:04:46.080 types of conversations. And, and most people, it seems to me, and I fall and pray to this as well,

00:04:51.540 believe that because we have the opportunity and, or the right to say something that we need to

00:04:58.200 actually say something that we have to exercise it. And you know what? You don't like there's times

00:05:03.120 where it's not worth getting into a fight. Uh, there's times where the conversation isn't relevant

00:05:09.160 or important to you. Uh, there's times where, you know, it's not going to go well anyway. So why even

00:05:15.420 get into the midst and yet, because we have the opportunity and we can punch away on that keyboard,

00:05:21.220 we take advantage of it, even though maybe we shouldn't. So that is the first principle of

00:05:26.400 conversing like men is knowing what's worth the conversation and what isn't. And not everything

00:05:33.800 is worth your time, your attention, your energy, your resources. And you have to ask yourself,

00:05:38.680 could the amount of time I'm investing in this conversation or, or divesting, I guess is probably

00:05:44.740 more accurate with most of the conversations I've seen lately, but you've got to ask yourself,

00:05:48.840 is that worth my time? Or could I be utilizing this time in another way? Can I be, uh, having a

00:05:57.200 conversation with my wife? Can I be talking with my employees? Can I be doing sales training? Can I be

00:06:02.060 learning new information? Can I be engaged in a hobby or taking a nap or working out any number of

00:06:08.240 things that are significantly going to better serve you than getting into a debate or a fight that just

00:06:13.160 isn't worth having? And men know how to use their resources effectively. Now, most of us, when I say

00:06:18.920 that think money, but it's not just money, it's your time. We've all heard the adage, time is money.

00:06:24.260 And even though it's overplayed and we've lost a lot of what that meaning is, it's still, there's,

00:06:29.200 there's truth to it. That's the reason we all know it because there's truth to it. And when you decide to

00:06:34.060 give your, your attention to something that isn't worthy of your attention, then you're missing out

00:06:41.100 on opportunities that could help you become a better man or help you serve somebody else more

00:06:45.920 effectively. So point number one, pick your fights and, and just realize that not everything is worth

00:06:52.700 you even saying things. And sometimes we just like to come back, especially on social media again,

00:06:56.640 with these little snarky snippy comments, like even that, like why get sucked into that? And I know

00:07:01.940 I'm not immune to that. You guys have seen me interact on social media. I do believe it or not,

00:07:06.020 try to stay above the fray, but, um, I do get sucked into it every once in a while. And when I

00:07:11.880 do, I instantaneously regret it. And I know exactly what I did wrong. And so it's hard. It's hard to

00:07:17.700 resist the temptation to like, want to interject into trivial nonsense. But if you want to converse

00:07:24.360 like a man and you want to get the most done and you want to be the most effective with your time and

00:07:29.460 the most effective when you do decide to, uh, engage in a conversation, you've got to know when to

00:07:35.580 engage in, and when to withdraw. And that doesn't make you weak. It just means that you value your

00:07:40.420 time and you know what you want to do spending it. Okay. So that's point number one. Uh, point

00:07:45.060 number two is if you do decide that you're going to engage in a conversation or a debate or a discussion

00:07:51.260 or, you know, whatever, whatever, however that looks, uh, that you set the terms of the conversation.

00:07:58.200 And I'm not saying that every time you converse with somebody that you need to outline and document

00:08:03.520 the way that you're going to behave and the way that you're going to act, obviously that's

00:08:06.600 not going to work, but at least in your mind, there's got to be some rules. There's got to

00:08:10.780 be some boundaries in place. And, and for me, what's worked is having these boundaries in

00:08:14.920 place. And then seeing if somebody crosses those boundaries, you know, depending on the

00:08:20.000 conversation, I might actually give that individual warning. Like, Hey, you know, I don't appreciate

00:08:24.240 the way that you're saying this or talking this way. Um, and, and give the conversation

00:08:28.880 a chance to get back on track. Uh, and depending on the conversation, I might just say, you know

00:08:34.760 what? Not worth having you cross that line. I just know where this is going. And again,

00:08:39.200 it comes back to point. Number one is knowing what fights to pick and which one's not to.

00:08:44.880 And if somebody continues to break your rules, it could be the standard operating procedures

00:08:49.980 I'm outlining today, or just the way the conversation is going to go or the timing or the outcome,

00:08:54.560 whatever your rules are, then you have every right. And I would say a responsibility to disengage from

00:09:02.180 that conversation because these conversations can go downhill. And you've all been experiencing that

00:09:06.760 very, very quickly. And, and your goal is to not get sucked into things that are not productive,

00:09:13.660 not just in dialogue, but in life in general, like how easy is it for us to get on our phone and dink

00:09:18.600 around and get sucked into social media? How easy is it for us to lose an hour or 30 minutes,

00:09:26.180 you know, sitting on the toilet instead of just taking care of our business and getting right back

00:09:30.820 to work. We're sitting on our toilet, dinking around on our phones, right? Like, or, or, or,

00:09:35.020 or watching Netflix or whatever it is. Like we all have these outlets and I think they're okay.

00:09:40.440 As long as you don't let them rule you and you don't become distracted by these things. And that's

00:09:46.220 what a lot of dialogue and conversations turn into. They turn into distractions. And what I think is so

00:09:50.980 many men are engaged at that point that they think that if they withdraw, even if it's according to

00:09:57.660 their own rules that they've established, that it makes them weak or they lost the conversation.

00:10:05.240 And so if you're continuing to go down a rabbit hole, you don't want to go down. It might be because

00:10:11.280 of your ego. We had a saying in, in the financial planning world, which was don't chase bad money

00:10:19.420 with good or don't chase good money with bad. Right? So the point, the point of the phrase is that

00:10:25.240 if you see a bad investment, like don't continue to engage in the bad investment. What, here's a great

00:10:34.440 example. People will say, when it comes to the stock market, uh, they'll say, you know, I really

00:10:40.280 want to, uh, re diversify my portfolio, or I want to fix this and get this portfolio where it needs to

00:10:46.280 be, but I've lost so much money. And so, uh, I want to get back to even before I change it. Well, okay.

00:10:52.980 That's exactly what you're doing, right? You're, you're just pouring good money into a bad investment

00:10:58.400 because of your ego, because of your pride and your arrogance. And we do the same thing with

00:11:02.940 conversations. I got to win. I want to win. I'm going to get them. Oh, I'm going to, I got a great

00:11:06.180 comeback. I'm going to get them with this one. It was like, how much better could that time have

00:11:11.080 been spent? So know your rules, set those in your mind. Uh, and if it's some sort of like formal

00:11:17.300 debate, then of course, you're going to have some conversations about the groundwork for the

00:11:21.400 conversation you're going to have. But typically you're not going to be sharing that with people.

00:11:26.060 Um, but if they cross the line, you have to decide, am I going to give them a warning and let the

00:11:29.660 conversation get back on track? Cause it's progressing some somewhere and it's worth having.

00:11:33.240 Or am I out altogether? And you have to make that decision. Uh, point number three is seek to learn

00:11:39.240 and educate, not win. So this goes back into my previous point where we want to win. And if you go

00:11:46.240 into a conversation thinking that the outcome, the result, the thing that I want more than anything

00:11:50.300 is to win, then you're more likely to slip up, to mess up, to waste your time, to react immaturely,

00:11:58.340 to be, uh, overly emotional because your sole objective is to win. And if that objective is to

00:12:06.480 win, then what I see a lot of men do is the, they'll do anything in order to accomplish that

00:12:12.740 objective, even make fools of themselves or be out of integrity with the way that they want to show up

00:12:18.560 in the way they want to dialogue and converse with people. So, um, a better, more powerful motive for

00:12:27.340 getting into a conversation is that either I can learn something from this or I can educate.

00:12:33.820 And so within the context of this podcast, for example, I'm educating right now, I'm educating,

00:12:40.460 I'm teaching you, uh, hopefully you're getting some good, valuable information out of it. Uh,

00:12:45.700 and that's my objective in this particular dialogue. Uh, if I'm doing a conversation with Andy,

00:12:51.400 for example, or Jocko or any number of guests that we've had on the podcast, then not only do I look

00:12:56.540 at it as my job to educate and inspire the people who are listening, you, but it's also my job to

00:13:02.700 learn, which is why I try to ask thoughtful questions, thought provoking questions, uh,

00:13:09.120 dig a little deeper into things that maybe aren't normally talked about because I'm trying to learn.

00:13:13.500 I'm curious. And so I never go into a podcast conversation. In fact, it's, it sounds stupid

00:13:18.440 to go into a podcast conversation with the objective to win the podcast, like win the conversation. 0.95

00:13:23.620 It doesn't even make sense. And yet so many of us get wrapped up, especially on social media,

00:13:29.040 thinking I'm going to get this guy and I'm going to, I'm going to dominate the, you know, it's like,

00:13:33.980 what's the point of that other than to stroke your own ego. And if, if, if all of the sides that

00:13:40.460 were engaged in dialogue and conversation knew these rules and applied them, because I think most of us

00:13:45.780 know these rules, but we actually applied them, the world would be a better place. And if you get

00:13:50.400 involved with somebody who's not willing to apply these rules, at least in part, or, or make an

00:13:54.540 honest attempt, then that person's not worth having a conversation with because you're not going to

00:13:59.640 educate them because they're closed-minded. You're not going to learn anything because they may not be

00:14:03.560 credible. And so if they don't meet those two factors, then why even have the conversation in

00:14:08.040 the first place? All right. So again, point number three is seek to learn and or educate not to win.

00:14:14.020 All right. Point number four, discuss with intellectual honesty. This is something that I

00:14:21.320 see all the time. People take things out of context. They pretend, this is crazy. They pretend

00:14:27.800 like they can't comprehend things. Like they can't understand the meaning of phrases and words and

00:14:33.680 nuance. Like they act stupid or ignorant in order to like win the argument. I'm sure you guys know what 1.00

00:14:39.980 I'm talking about. You know, you might say something, uh, just like a crazy example would

00:14:46.300 be like, if I said, um, you know, I just, I really love dogs. Somebody might come back and say, well,

00:14:52.320 why do you hate cats? Like, are you really that dense that that's what you interpreted my message as?

00:15:00.080 And, and I don't think for the most part that people are that dense. I think they're playing the

00:15:04.920 part. I think they're pretending they are so like somehow they could get me or I don't know. It's,

00:15:11.480 it's really weird. I've never seen so many people clamor to, to make themselves look ignorant and 0.96

00:15:17.780 foolish in order to win an argument. It's, it's very strange. Um, but the other thing I see a lot 0.98

00:15:23.500 is logical fallacies and there's dozens of logical fallacies. You guys can look it up. In fact, I think

00:15:28.860 I did a podcast maybe a couple of months ago on some of these logical fallacies. Uh, I'm going to

00:15:34.700 share with you a couple that I had written down that I think are pretty typical and common.

00:15:39.820 And, and ones that frankly, I, I fall into, you know, I fall into these all the time, but if you

00:15:44.440 can be aware of these things and know how you employ them and then know how other people employ

00:15:48.620 them, then you're better equipped to deal with them when they come up in a mature masculine way,

00:15:53.560 as opposed to acting like a boy and getting your feelings hurt and lashing out and being overly

00:15:57.420 emotional and reacting instead of responding the way you should. So the first one I identified is a

00:16:03.100 false dichotomy. So this is a logical fallacy and intellectual, uh, falsehood, I guess is what

00:16:09.720 you'd say. Okay. A false dichotomy. This is presenting one of two options without presenting

00:16:17.800 any other very viable options. So for example, one logical fallacy I see all the time in our Facebook

00:16:25.280 group is this question, something to the effect of, would you rather make lots of money or be happy?

00:16:37.140 You, you don't have to choose one or the other. You can make great income and be happy or be

00:16:45.060 fulfilled. So that's a great example of a logical fallacy. So when you see people presenting two

00:16:50.180 options, black and white, and I tend to do this cause I'm very black and white, but if you see this

00:16:54.800 black and white scenario, very often what that person is employing, whether doing it consciously

00:17:01.080 or subconsciously is a false dichotomy. You can either pick A or B, but they completely neglect

00:17:06.900 and overlook C and the other infinite number of options that could be a real viability in the

00:17:12.640 discussion. So false dichotomy. The next one, straw man. All right. And a straw man is misinterpreting

00:17:19.400 somebody's point of discussion in order to make it easier to attack. That's what a straw man is,

00:17:27.260 is you're misrepresenting what the individual is saying so that you could come back and attack,

00:17:33.220 not what they're saying, but you can attack the misrepresentation. We see this all the time.

00:17:39.300 Whenever you're having discourse with people, people will come back and make a comparison

00:17:44.640 or show an example. It's kind of like this and it has nothing to do with what you said.

00:17:53.460 That's a straw man. So be very careful of the straw man. Again, they're not being intellectually

00:17:58.060 honest. And, and sometimes I think they're doing it intentionally. And other times I think they're

00:18:03.620 doing it unintentionally, but both are bad. They're both are reasons not to continue to engage in a

00:18:11.880 conversation like that. Cause it's just not going to go anywhere. So there's a straw man.

00:18:14.620 The next one, loaded questions. A loaded question is designed to set you up, to tee you up,

00:18:20.280 uh, to, to fail. Well, and I think there's two different types of loaded questions. So one loaded

00:18:25.500 question might be, uh, a question that is impossible to answer without making you look bad. So a great

00:18:32.620 example of that would be, when did you stop cheating on your wife? Well, I can't answer that question

00:18:39.280 because the question itself insinuates that I even was cheating on my wife in the first place,

00:18:44.800 which isn't true. So the loaded question is predicated on inaccurate information. And therefore

00:18:50.260 I can't give an answer without incriminating myself. That's one version, uh, of a loaded question.

00:18:56.920 So be very, very careful when they're teeing you up that way. Another way that I see a loaded question,

00:19:02.440 and you can always tell through one phrase people say is they'll say, honest question,

00:19:08.460 honest question. Do you really believe dot, dot, dot? In my experience, in my opinion,

00:19:14.200 if it really was an honest question, you wouldn't need to say honest question. The only reason you're

00:19:20.040 saying honest question is because it's actually a dishonest question. You're trying to set somebody

00:19:25.120 in a trap and you think they'll see through it. So you try to preface in order to avoid them

00:19:32.400 detecting your deceit by saying, no, this is honest, honestly, like a truly honest question.

00:19:38.880 I really want to know, but all of us know exactly where that goes. And, and, and I think you can see

00:19:46.080 this is very true when it comes to polls. You take polls from the last presidential election,

00:19:51.860 for example, every poll out there, I'm sure there was some fringe polls, but just about every poll

00:19:56.300 out there had Hillary Clinton, Clinton winning the presidency handedly. And yet that didn't happen.

00:20:06.280 So why didn't that happen? Well, I think part of it was because not only the polling data, who,

00:20:11.380 who these pollsters are actually polling, but the individuals who were voting for Trump,

00:20:16.820 who were asked this poll, they weren't like quote unquote, supposed to vote for Trump.

00:20:22.520 And so they didn't want to disclose that because they didn't want that information used against

00:20:26.760 them. So what did they do? They lied because they knew that the, the, the question was a setup.

00:20:32.860 They didn't want to be set up. So they lied, which then skews the data. These are different forms

00:20:38.980 of loaded questions. And if people, again, if people are going to debate in these types of,

00:20:44.560 uh, logical fallacies, then these are red flags to you saying that this is not an individual you

00:20:50.740 want to get into a conversation with because they're either intentionally trying to deceive

00:20:56.480 and mislead and win the conversation, or they're unintentionally doing it. They're ignorant. And in 1.00

00:21:03.700 that case, what again is the point of even having the debate or the conversation? It's not worth having

00:21:09.620 the last logical fallacy I wanted to share. Certainly not the last one, but the last one I wanted to

00:21:14.400 share with you, uh, is an appeal to authority. So a great example of an, of appealing to authority

00:21:21.340 and you see this in, uh, religious circles and I'm Christian, but this is still a problem because it,

00:21:27.880 it just doesn't create a great conversations is people will say, well, you know, it says in the Bible

00:21:35.540 or God says dot, dot, dot. So we know it must be true. The problem with that, although I would

00:21:43.640 probably agree because I believe in God and I read the Bible and I believe it to be true.

00:21:50.020 The reason I don't appeal to that authority is because not everybody recognizes God as the

00:21:57.020 authority. So if I'm having a civil conversation where we're trying to create a win-win scenario for

00:22:05.440 me and the person I'm having a conversation with, remember, it's about educating and learning. So

00:22:10.200 we're reciprocating. We're, we're, we're both helping each other. If I'm a, if I'm trying to

00:22:15.660 have this conversation with somebody and I'm appealing to authority that they do not recognize,

00:22:19.860 like, how is that going to work? How is that going to work? It's not. So although I can appreciate

00:22:27.580 your zest and your zeal for your beliefs, your, your spiritual beliefs, if you're having a conversation

00:22:36.260 who doesn't have that same foundational belief, then you cannot base a conversation on that appeal

00:22:41.960 to authority. The only way it would work is if you know, ahead of time that you both recognize

00:22:47.500 that authority as an authority figure. And then of course, then obviously that, that would make sense.

00:22:54.180 But if you haven't established that you can appeal to authority and it'd be a logical,

00:22:58.400 civil conversation. It's just going to go downhill very quickly. So those are a couple of examples of

00:23:03.760 logical fallacies. But in fact, I just pulled up a website because I think it's interesting stuff.

00:23:09.180 The website is your logical fallacy is.com. So it's your logical fallacy is.com. And it looks like

00:23:17.100 there's 25 or so logical fallacies that they pull up right here and they have definitions of what they

00:23:23.180 are. It's interesting. I like it because I talk for a living. So being able to have real conversations

00:23:28.800 with people in a way that's going to produce effective outcomes is important to me. And it should be

00:23:32.560 important to you too, whether you're a podcaster or you're trying to get a promotion at work,

00:23:36.340 or you're, you're debating with your uncle over, you know, dinner, like whatever context of a

00:23:44.220 conversation, you're going to need to know this stuff. So learning how to converse effectively and

00:23:48.240 communicate effectively is very powerful. So that was number four is to discuss with intellectual

00:23:52.940 honesty and ensure the other party is too. Cause if they're not for me, I'm out. If they're not

00:23:57.180 going to be honest, intellectually honest, I'm out of there. The last point that I wanted to make guys

00:24:01.580 is basically know your, know your shit, like know your information, know what it is you're talking 0.99

00:24:07.360 about. Cause if you're speaking out of your ass, you're, you're, you're only hurting yourself. 1.00

00:24:11.160 You're undermining any credibility that maybe you had, or you want, or you gained. Um, and if, 1.00

00:24:17.220 if a conversation goes in a direction that you're just not familiar with, you don't know,

00:24:21.120 then I think it's not only appropriate to say, I don't know, but it's, if you want to converse like

00:24:27.840 a man, then I think it's an obligation. It's mandatory. Like, why would you have conversations 1.00

00:24:34.260 about things you don't understand? Now you can have an opinion about things and, and certainly

00:24:38.960 you have the right to mouth off and talk about things that you don't know. I mean, we see this

00:24:43.240 with COVID all the time. Politics is the same way. You know, everybody's a, a, a, a expert, uh,

00:24:50.260 constitutional lawyer or scholar, right? When, when the constitution gets brought into question,

00:24:56.660 uh, when it comes to COVID, everybody's a medical practitioner all of a sudden. So it's like stay

00:25:02.300 in your lane. And I don't mean that like, don't have opinions about other things. I mean, know what

00:25:08.080 you know and know what you don't know. And it's probably better to keep your mouth shut when you're

00:25:13.800 having a conversation with somebody, especially if they know what they're talking about, because 0.99

00:25:18.100 you're going to made to look like a fool very quickly. And, and you're not fooling anybody when 0.97

00:25:23.920 you mouth off and you pretend like, you know, like you're not fooling anybody. You just sound

00:25:28.020 like a moron. You sound like an idiot and you undermine your credibility. So don't do that. 1.00

00:25:32.140 Just respectfully, politely, maturely say, you know what? That's, that's an interesting point.

00:25:38.160 I actually don't know a whole lot about that. Uh, but here's one thing I do know. And then you can

00:25:42.600 draw back into what, you know, and direct the conversation where you wanted to go.

00:25:45.720 So I know this is kind of like boring stuff, maybe a little bit, but it's not like, it's,

00:25:52.380 it's so important that you know how to have conversations with people. The better I've

00:25:56.840 gotten at communicating with individuals, the more successful I've been. It's enhanced my marriage.

00:26:01.720 It's enhanced the relationship with my children. It's certainly enhanced my ability to have a powerful

00:26:06.380 conversation on this podcast, which in turn has enhanced my income and my influence and credibility

00:26:11.780 and reach, uh, everything, everything that comes from learning how to communicate, communicate

00:26:18.820 effectively. Everything's enhanced. Everything's better. There's no downside to learning how to be

00:26:24.300 a more effective communicator. So learn these things again, connect with me on Instagram, YouTube,

00:26:30.280 Facebook, Twitter, parlor. I don't, I'm not on Tik TOK or any of that kind of stuff, but those four or

00:26:36.060 five, you can connect with me there and let me know, what did I miss? Maybe you have some rules,

00:26:39.840 some standard operating procedures outside of the five I shared here, uh, that have served you well,

00:26:44.040 that have kept you out of conversations you shouldn't be having, uh, that have had meaningful

00:26:48.620 outcomes with the conversations you should be having. And I think again, our whole goal here

00:26:53.100 with order of man is to give you and provide you with everything that you need to be a better man

00:26:57.020 and whatever capacity that is and learning how to communicate and learning how to converse like a man,

00:27:03.100 not like a child will serve you so, so well. I mean, I've seen young men, I'm talking like 12,

00:27:09.440 13, 15, 16, even 18 year olds who communicate so soundly, so effectively that I'm motivated.

00:27:17.340 I'm inspired. I'm led by what these young men are saying because they know how to present it

00:27:22.860 in a rational, intelligent, thoughtful way. And that's what I want for me. Certainly that's what

00:27:30.060 I want for you because I want you to win and this will help you do it. So again, recap, and then we'll

00:27:34.200 shut things down for the day. Number one, pick your fights just because you can, doesn't mean you

00:27:38.560 should know what conversations you want to get into and which ones, frankly, you don't deploy

00:27:43.720 your assets effectively. That includes your time and energy. All right. Number two is set and know

00:27:48.780 the terms of the discussion. If you don't know what they are, you don't know what the boundaries are,

00:27:54.580 then you're going to let people walk all over you. You're going to get drawn into a bloodbath,

00:27:58.620 at least a mud fight without even realizing that's what happened. Like before, you know,

00:28:03.800 you look around, you've been rolling around in the pig shit all day. And you're like, 1.00

00:28:06.980 I didn't even realize this is what happened, right? Because you didn't establish the rules

00:28:10.760 ahead of time. So know what they are. And when people cross those boundaries and those boundaries

00:28:15.680 are determined by you, by the way, you and you alone, if you have those boundaries in place,

00:28:22.260 those are your boundaries. Those are your rules. And you don't owe an explanation to anybody.

00:28:25.980 If they want to operate and have the conversation under that premise, great. If they don't,

00:28:31.260 that's on them, but your rules are for you. And if an individual breaks those rules,

00:28:38.120 crosses over their boundaries, I try to be gracious as best I can and let that person know,

00:28:42.540 Hey, I'm not going to let you talk with me like that. If you want to continue to have this

00:28:45.240 conversation, uh, here's how it's going to go. And I give the, I give the conversation an opportunity

00:28:50.260 and I give that individual an opportunity. Cause you know what? Sometimes I get heated

00:28:53.620 and sometimes I need to be reminded, Hey bro, like we're, we're trying to have a serious discussion

00:28:57.980 and you're getting emotional about it. And people have checked me that way. And it's, it's,

00:29:03.000 it hurts the ego. It hurts the pride. But, but if you're mature about it, you're like, yeah,

00:29:06.700 that's right. Okay. Let's re-engage in a respectful way. Uh, point number three is seek to learn and

00:29:12.280 or educate not to win. Point number four is discuss with intellectual honesty. Remember the logical

00:29:18.420 fallacies. The examples I gave was the false dichotomy, uh, straw man loaded questions and the appeal

00:29:24.280 to authority. And then the fifth point is to know your information, like stay in your lane. Again,

00:29:30.920 it's, it's about what, you know, you can have opinions about things, but if you're going to have

00:29:35.900 a real conversation with somebody, you better know what it is you're talking about. And if you don't

00:29:39.560 know what you're talking about, it's better to say, I don't know. I can find that out. Interesting

00:29:43.760 perspective. I need to learn more about that. But what I do know, and then you go back in,

00:29:47.560 into, into your lane where, where you want this conversation to go. Okay. Please learn this stuff,

00:29:52.400 guys. I think it's important now more than ever. Social media is great. We wouldn't be here without

00:29:58.700 social media. It's very powerful. I know it gets a bad rap. I know everybody beats up on it and bashes

00:30:03.460 on it, which is ironic because we use social media to bash social media, but I've formulated so many

00:30:08.640 great connections and built this great business and movement by doing this. Um, so for all it's good,

00:30:15.200 you have to know how to use the tool effectively. And whether you're conversing digitally behind a

00:30:20.680 keyboard, uh, or you're conversing face to face, uh, you, you got to know what you're talking about.

00:30:27.240 And if you don't, it's okay, but just say it and then get back on track, use these tools.

00:30:31.680 And I think that'll help. Okay. That's it guys. That's all I've got for you. Have a great weekend.

00:30:36.480 I hope you guys are, uh, spending time with family and friends and doing what it is you're doing.

00:30:40.800 Maybe you're working, maybe you're engaged in activity, whatever it is, just be productive.

00:30:44.120 All right. If you're working, work your ass off. If you're engaged in a hobby or an activity

00:30:48.060 or a vacation, make it the best vacation you ever had. Uh, if you're spending time with family

00:30:52.160 and friends, like be present and available and there for them and with them, just be present

00:30:56.820 in whatever it is you happen to be doing this weekend. And then, uh, we'll be back next week

00:31:00.700 with a interview with, like I said earlier, the one and only Andy Fusilla. All right, guys,

00:31:06.060 we'll check you then until then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

00:31:10.840 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

00:31:15.400 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - July 10, 2020

How to Converse Like a Man, Not a Boy ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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