Order of Man - How to Develop the "It" Factor, Building Generational Wealth, and Asserting Yourself with Others

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.180 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.720 you can call yourself a man. Sean, what's up, man? It's good to see you moved out of the

00:00:28.420 sarcastically great state of California to the not sarcastic great state of Tennessee.

00:00:35.820 Definitely not sarcastic. It is awesome here. Are you in Nashville? Where are you? Did you

00:00:42.600 move to Nashville? Because I've spent a little time in Nashville and Franklin, which is amazing.

00:00:47.560 It's beautiful. We're in Franklin. Okay, got it. And it's just outside. We're actually like 15

00:00:53.740 minutes out of Franklin near Nolansville is the little town over here. And it's kind of rural,

00:00:59.640 but not. We're like right on the edge of all the developments and stuff. So it seems rural and farm

00:01:04.920 across the street. They have on both sides of us across the street, because we're on kind of like

00:01:11.180 a corner thing here. They have cows and goats and, you know, it's, it's, it looks like a farming

00:01:16.860 practice for you for hunting season. They might get a little upset. They might charge you. Those

00:01:24.840 would be very expensive archery targets. Yeah. There's plenty of deer though, running around

00:01:28.840 all kinds of other stuff, but yeah. Are you near Sparta by chance? Does that ring a bell?

00:01:34.600 Not super close. No. Okay. The reason I ask is my brother-in-law's in Sparta. So, and it's very,

00:01:40.500 Sparta is very rural. He's got, he's got his acreage out there and they're doing

00:01:44.700 bees and cows and all kinds of pigs, all kinds of stuff. So I didn't know how close you guys were.

00:01:50.980 Yeah. It's a beautiful area, man. You'd said like the comparison from here to California is

00:01:55.480 it's today's 4th of July. Happy 4th of July, by the way. Happy Independence Day.

00:01:59.920 Likewise, man. And, um, it last night we blew off a bunch of fireworks cause we're going to Franklin

00:02:06.240 today for their, they have a giant show there, I guess, and a big like festival and stuff. But, um,

00:02:12.120 last night we blew off fireworks. We can never do that in California. We lived in a high fire zone.

00:02:17.820 Oh yeah. I mean, it was like, you kind of terrifying if you did light anything off. So

00:02:23.320 we didn't do it. No, you're going to burn down, you know, hundreds of houses and tens of thousands

00:02:28.400 of acres. Yeah. I definitely would not shoot fireworks off in California.

00:02:32.560 Yeah. So here was our first experience for all of our kids to be able to light our own. And I mean,

00:02:38.460 like the big mortar ones, you know, that are just giant and they sell them everywhere out here. And

00:02:43.420 so they just had a blast like the time of their life last night, which was cool. That's what we're

00:02:48.320 going to be doing tonight. We've got a bunch of friends and whatnot coming over. Uh, and I spent a

00:02:52.320 bunch of money on way too much money on fireworks. Uh, and we've got the pools clean and my wife's

00:02:58.740 like, let's get a bounce house. I'm like, sure. Why not get a bounce house? So we've got like four or

00:03:03.900 five families coming over. I think there's 25 or 26 kids last count. Somebody told me, I'm

00:03:09.500 like, Oh, okay. Well, we'll see. We'll see how it goes. We'll see. So now we'll affect it.

00:03:15.800 You can do it. Of course. And you know, a place like California, it's like, you can't even wrap

00:03:20.300 your brain around it. If you grew up in a place like that, you know, just the ability to do it,

00:03:25.240 which is funny to say, right? Like to have the ability. Yeah. It's been ironic. I mean,

00:03:30.500 I get it. Like if you're in a high fire zone, California has been in a drought for, you know,

00:03:36.020 two decades at this point, you know, but at the same time, like, I don't even know if you can light

00:03:42.200 little spinning flowers on your driveway, let alone, you know, these big mortars that you're

00:03:47.200 talking about. That's what I'm saying. You can't, you know, even if you're responsible and stuff like

00:03:50.940 that. Yeah. That's a problem. Well, cool, man. Well, Hey guys, for those of you don't know,

00:03:55.600 this is Sean Villalovos. Uh, he's filling in for Kip Sorensen. Kip's probably

00:04:00.380 lighting fireworks right now as we speak. I don't know what he's doing, but he said,

00:04:03.520 Hey man, I can't make it. So, uh, between us three, we can usually get two of us on the ask

00:04:08.780 me anything. And what we're doing today is we're fielding questions specifically from our Facebook

00:04:13.260 group. So if you go to facebook.com slash group slash order of man, uh, you are going to be able

00:04:19.840 to find our group and you're going to have to request access, answer yes to a couple of questions,

00:04:24.220 and then you're in. So that's where we're fielding questions from. So let's get after it, man.

00:04:28.200 All right. First question comes from Zachary Baker. He says how to deal with toxic and or

00:04:36.000 overbearing grandparents, uh, as a parent and as their adult child. So his parents, he's talking

00:04:43.720 about, we've tried addressing these issues and our concerns and it was not received. Well,

00:04:48.720 we were basically asked to look past it all and think about the good times after standing our ground

00:04:54.440 and asking for some kind of understanding and their end, my wife and I were viciously attacked

00:04:59.120 verbally, insulted and threatened for expressing our concerns. My mother used to watch the kids

00:05:05.900 regularly and that's no longer the case. Obviously cutting my parents out of my life completely is

00:05:11.140 not something I'd like to do, but at this point, I don't know what else to do to protect myself,

00:05:15.740 my family and our mental health. Any advice would be great. I know you've touched on it before,

00:05:20.280 but some fresh opinions would be helpful. I mean, really, it sounds like you've done it,

00:05:24.840 frankly, you know, and the hard part is, is that although you may have done it exactly right.

00:05:30.960 And I don't know if you have it, but it sounds like you've established boundaries. There's been

00:05:34.720 some consequences. You and your wife have upheld those boundaries, which obviously you need to do

00:05:39.580 because if you're not willing to stand by them, they're not really boundaries. It's kind of like

00:05:43.140 having a border, but an open border policy. It's like, well, what's the point of the border then?

00:05:46.820 Do we really have a border? If it's an open border policy, the answer would be no, right?

00:05:52.040 Same thing with your expectations and your standards that you have with other people,

00:05:55.660 whether it's your parents, friends, family, coworkers, whatever. If you have boundaries

00:05:59.760 in place and you're not willing to enforce those boundaries because you're afraid or you're

00:06:03.880 timid or passive or weak, why even have the boundaries at all? So it sounds like based on what

00:06:09.440 you said in this short little paragraph, you've done it right. And now you're like, well,

00:06:14.000 we don't want this to happen. Well, you know,

00:06:16.820 tough that that's part of the reality is that sometimes we make decisions and we

00:06:23.160 put things in place that aren't going to be favorable or not going to produce optimal outcome.

00:06:28.840 The optimal outcome is that you and your mother and your father are engaged in their, your life and

00:06:34.840 their grandkids life. And it's a pleasant amicable relationship. And you guys have fun and you break

00:06:39.740 bread together. Sounds like that's not really possible. If you do want to reconcile,

00:06:44.760 what I would suggest is to open up the lines of communication again and just say that, Hey, mom,

00:06:53.260 dad, look, the last time we talked about this, uh, obviously it went very bad and went very poorly.

00:06:59.520 I really want you guys in my life. I want you in our children's life. I'm not saying that we're

00:07:05.240 willing to sacrifice on our boundaries and our expectations, but I want to explain myself and let

00:07:11.920 you know why these boundaries are in place and why this is important to both of us. And if you can

00:07:18.080 work with us in these areas, then we want you to be part of, we love you. We want you to be part of

00:07:23.120 our life. And so I thought I would reach back out and let you know that let's wipe the slate clean,

00:07:28.940 but here are our expectations and here's why they're important to us. And are you willing to

00:07:34.260 honor those things? And if the answer is still no, whether it's that's what they say or the way that

00:07:39.120 they act. I mean, what, what more can you do at that point? You've approached it maturely. You've

00:07:43.760 set the boundaries. You've honored them by reaching back out. You've honored your wife and your children

00:07:48.960 by having those boundaries in place and leading them effectively. That's it, man. That's all I got for

00:07:54.900 you. I wish there was more, but that's it. You're doing it. Yeah, I would agree. I think

00:08:01.520 if it hasn't been done also establish that like where you're coming from. And it sounds like with

00:08:10.680 good intention that something similar, not quite like this happened with me with my mom, but it not

00:08:19.880 in an overbearing way. She just likes to give, she liked to give her advice, you know, on, on how I

00:08:26.560 was going to parent, how I should do things. And she didn't agree with a lot of the ways that I was

00:08:32.020 parenting my kids because it was different than the way she did it. She was very strict and, you know,

00:08:38.720 she would like a zero tolerance type rule. She would snap and, you know, and, and hit us and,

00:08:45.580 you know, spank us and stuff like that. Like, I can't say I was ever beaten, but I got some pretty

00:08:50.540 good, you know, beatings as a kid. But I mean, that was her way. It was like a zero tolerance thing.

00:08:58.620 It was like, kids should be seen, not heard. And, you know, that kind of stuff. So I didn't agree

00:09:03.560 and had the conversation, but I also had to let her know. And she didn't, this was the part she didn't

00:09:10.720 like, was that we were best friends, you know, cause she was a single mom. And so she was my,

00:09:17.800 we were literally like, I was her best friend. And then I met my wife and then, and then my wife

00:09:23.760 became more important than her. And I hadn't had that conversation with her until it came down to,

00:09:31.620 she got a little overbearing or she, you know, would complain about my wife and she would blame

00:09:37.100 it on my wife. Like the way I was changing my parenting stuff. And so I had to have the

00:09:41.860 conversation, like, look, that's fine if that's your opinion, but I want you to know, no matter

00:09:45.860 what your opinion is, she's my wife. And now she's the most important person in my world.

00:09:53.180 And next to that is our kids. And the way that my wife and I have decided to parent our kids

00:10:00.560 is our decision. And you can tell me everything you want. You can agree or disagree, but the way

00:10:07.080 that we're going to parent our kids, we've decided upon. And quite frankly, you don't have a say in

00:10:12.120 the matter and I'm sorry, but now you're third in line and you might not want to hear it, but you

00:10:19.260 need to hear it. Maybe, you know, because you're still talking to me, like, like you're first in

00:10:24.740 line, you know, not that I don't love you. Not that I'm not grateful for everything you did for me

00:10:28.820 growing up. And that was a hard conversation. I mean, she, she basically, she hung up on me and

00:10:33.220 didn't talk to me for months because that's the way she did things. But, you know, but then when

00:10:38.220 she'd talk to me later on, it was clear and she understood it. And then it was less just the

00:10:46.440 dialect changed. And, and then I had to mention it a few other times down the road, but it did get

00:10:53.060 better and better. She was around less. And then when she was, she, she didn't, the overbearing

00:11:00.180 part was gone, but it took a while to, it probably took, you know, a solid couple of years before she

00:11:07.060 was comfortable being around without being angry. Yeah. But, but I had to be very clear. And that was

00:11:12.900 one of the hardest conversations I had ever had, especially with her. Cause I kind of knew where

00:11:17.860 it was going ahead, but if I didn't do it, it either would have kept on happening and made it

00:11:23.600 uncomfortable for my wife and I, or it would have, um, uh, created false expectations. It would

00:11:30.280 have, it would affected our kids. It would affected, you know, every part of the relationship.

00:11:34.280 Yeah. So it was better to pull the bandaid. So if he hasn't done that part, I think it's important

00:11:39.040 that he add that in the next conversation with the expectations, like you said.

00:11:43.780 I think, uh, and I really appreciate you sharing that. I, I think that's a pretty common occurrence,

00:11:49.740 maybe not to the degree that it was with, with your mother, but I, I certainly had those

00:11:55.360 conversations and those feelings with my mom, even on our wedding day, I could tell she was like

00:12:00.400 mad, you know, I'm like, what is your problem? And that's what it was. Her little boy, my mom raised

00:12:05.900 me on her own and my sister, her little boy was no longer her little boy. And she was like bitter about

00:12:11.540 it. She wasn't, not to the degree. Yeah. There's me and my younger sister who's three years older,

00:12:16.440 uh, younger than me. Yeah. So yeah, man, that's a challenge. Cause you're like the man of the house.

00:12:21.720 Right. Of course. Right. But you know, at the same time, one of the things that you said is you're

00:12:26.500 third in line. And, and, you know, if you think about that, that could be received fairly harshly.

00:12:31.600 Uh, but the, to spin that on its head is actually, I think, congratulations, you did a wonderful job.

00:12:40.620 I'm, I'm a man. I've, I've got a wife and a woman that I want to partner with. We want to raise a

00:12:45.840 family together. I'm successful enough, not only to take care of myself, like, but, but a wife and

00:12:50.960 partner with in this life, like, congratulations, you did your job. And here's the beauty. You just got

00:12:56.740 a promotion. Now you're, you're a mother and a mother-in-law. So you just got a daughter and in

00:13:02.580 the very near future, you're going to be a grandma. And the grandma's role is different than the

00:13:07.620 mother's role. Like you get all the good without all the bullshit. Like that's, that's the best part.

00:13:12.960 And I need you to be my children's grandmother. You're not their mom. You're my mother, but I'm an

00:13:20.080 adult and you've done a good job. And now you get to play the role of grandmother, which is awesome.

00:13:26.860 Congratulations. Here's what that role looks like to me. What does that look like to you?

00:13:31.820 And how is that going to change from your role of a boy, a young man? Cause that's not the

00:13:38.460 arrangement anymore. Yeah. And I did that. And it sounds like you did too, where I thanked her

00:13:45.620 and appreciated her and, and basically said everything that you said. So, yeah, that definitely

00:13:51.220 needs to be a part of it because you don't want it again. It's, it's the intention, right? They need

00:13:55.920 the intention that you have and why you're doing it needs to be clear. Um, is the most important

00:14:02.140 part. That's where most people, and that's in anything that's in leadership and business. That's

00:14:05.580 in anything you do. Most people are unclear in their communication with their expectations.

00:14:10.920 And so it's, it's harder to be more clear and to set those expectations for most people because

00:14:20.700 they want to beat around the bush. They don't want to be uncomfortable.

00:14:24.700 No confrontation. You know, the other thing too is, and I think I talked about this on the last

00:14:30.160 ask me anything is we need to be very cautious in attributing what we would consider or interpret

00:14:37.260 as poor behavior as malicious. I think more often than not, it's really not malicious. Like nobody's

00:14:43.580 out to get you. Your mom doesn't want to undermine you. She doesn't hate you or your shit. Like it has,

00:14:49.800 it probably has very little, if anything to do with that. Yeah. And more to do with what you said,

00:14:56.240 which is I want you to succeed and I don't think you're doing it right. And this is how you should

00:15:00.680 it's like you said, good intentions, poorly communicated, poorly enacted or delivered,

00:15:07.620 but it's probably not malicious. So the reason that's important is that if we think it's malicious,

00:15:15.480 then what happens? Well, our guard goes up, our defenses go up sometimes as men, instead of just

00:15:21.420 playing defense, now we turn and go on the offense, which can be very appropriate in the right

00:15:26.080 situation. But if it's not malicious, then your emotional response or your misinterpretation of

00:15:32.480 the situation will lead to outcomes that really weren't necessary. When all it really took was a

00:15:40.280 series of conversations, knowing that she and him want the best for you, but there's just a

00:15:46.320 discrepancy in what that actually looks like. Yeah. And it's in everything. So everything,

00:15:53.640 absolutely. No matter what you do, most people are, we're trained to be negative. We're trained to

00:16:01.420 undermine, to get our way because we don't know any different. You go into any work environment,

00:16:06.800 any corporate environment, any bureaucracy, any, even school, a lot of churches, you know,

00:16:12.980 the way people get things done is they bring up negative, negative conversation about somebody

00:16:17.740 and then how they would do it different or what that person's not doing right or whatever. And

00:16:22.140 they're undermining and they don't know they do it, but they've been trained for, you know, 10,

00:16:26.620 20, 30, 40 years of their life to do it that way. And so it just comes out that way,

00:16:32.340 you know, whether or not their intent is, is good or not. Well, think about, um,

00:16:38.020 so I'm 41 years old. Sean, how old are you? If you don't mind me asking 45. Okay. So we're about

00:16:44.080 the same age, you know, and I think about 25 years ago, roughly you and I were in high school

00:16:48.780 and there's still grown men who are our age, who are talking about the fact that their coach didn't

00:16:55.120 like them and they were playing politics in high school. Like, bro, number one, get over that.

00:17:00.580 Cause that was over two decades ago. Number two, probably not outside of maybe his own child.

00:17:07.060 Cause there's some nepotism there, which we can all understand. Your coach just wanted to win

00:17:11.440 baseball games or football games. And you, maybe you just weren't as good as you think you were.

00:17:16.960 And then you translate that over to the career. And it's like, well, my boss is playing favorites,

00:17:21.500 right? Of course he is. Cause he wants to win. Like he wants to make money. He wants to get the

00:17:26.920 project on time. He wants to look good with his boss. He wants to, whatever, whatever the thing

00:17:31.600 is. Yes. A hundred percent. He's playing favorites. It's not because he doesn't like you. It's because

00:17:37.460 he wants to win whatever that looks like for him. If you can learn to deal with that and think about

00:17:44.720 like, Sean, if you're my boss and we don't have the best relationship. And I start thinking about,

00:17:50.280 man, what does Sean want? Well, he wants to hit sales numbers. He wants to make sure that we're

00:17:55.720 increasing every month. He wants to hit this deadline. He's got this task. He doesn't want

00:17:59.440 to deal with bullshit. Okay. Like, let me think about it from his perspective. Great. Okay. Well,

00:18:03.520 I can do all that. And I start doing that. Guess who becomes your favorite? Me. So it's not malicious

00:18:09.960 guys. Like very rarely is Sean, like that Ryan guy's a real asshole and I'm going to try to make his

00:18:15.500 life hell. You don't have time for that. Like nobody has, like, I don't have time to pick people out

00:18:21.720 and try to make their lives miserable. I just want to win. And I'm going to bring the best people in my

00:18:27.140 life that are going to help me do that in different facets and capacities of my life.

00:18:31.700 Yeah. And kudos to him. Last thing I'll say, kudos to this guy for

00:18:35.620 being able to see that. And let's say all of this is true. Everything we're saying,

00:18:42.700 and he's done it and he knows it's not malicious. And that's been established

00:18:46.200 that he still had the guts to establish boundaries and enforce them. And that's the hard part.

00:18:54.120 And to, and to do it because most people won't, they're not willing to. And the fact that his and

00:19:00.980 his wife's values and tactics and everything they've decided they're going to do for their

00:19:06.160 children that they feel is best, that they're willing to stick to it, even to the point of,

00:19:11.980 you know, making it uncomfortable inside their, their, their overall family dynamic.

00:19:18.480 Yeah. Cool, man. All right. We'll beat that one to death. How about the next question?

00:19:22.700 All right. It is from Mark Pallone. What traits do you feel a man needs to develop

00:19:30.820 in order for the people he encounters to feel like he has that it factor?

00:19:37.380 I thought about this question and I've talked about it. You're calling it the it factor. I personally

00:19:41.560 call it the X factor. It's just semantics. It's the same thing. You recognize it when a man

00:19:47.060 walks into a room and just has that level of dynamic where it's like a vacuum, the attention,

00:19:55.080 the energy, the focus all gets drawn towards that one individual. And so what is it? What is the X

00:20:03.360 factor? It's confidence. That's all it is. It's confidence at its very root. It's confidence. And it's

00:20:09.700 not, it's not, um, arrogance. It's not ego. It's not excessive pride. Those things can all be

00:20:18.380 manufactured, right? That that's like, if you, if you're arrogant, you haven't earned that you're

00:20:24.320 just manufacturing that you think you're better than you are and everybody else sees right through

00:20:28.780 it. So we might turn and pay attention to the guy like that who walks into the room. And then we're

00:20:33.840 like the minute he opens mouth. Oh, God, it. That's not real. That's fabricated. I know what

00:20:40.580 that is now. And that's not the X factor, but the X factor or the it factor, as you call it is

00:20:45.940 confidence and confidence is found by bridging the gap between the way you as a man view yourself,

00:20:52.680 your ideal self, the ideal version of yourself and the actual behaviors and activities that you're

00:20:58.800 engaged in. So for example, if you say to yourself, I'm a healthy, strong, capable man,

00:21:06.280 and that's how you view yourself, or at least that's how you'd like to view yourself. And yet

00:21:12.020 you just ate a gallon of ice cream and you still have Cheeto dust on your shirt. Cause you were

00:21:17.880 lounging around binge watching the latest Netflix series. And maybe you just got jacking off,

00:21:24.200 got, got done jacking off to, you know, two hours of porn and you're up to your eyeballs in debt.

00:21:31.180 Like how, like how, how is that going to work? How, how, how do you think you're carrying yourself?

00:21:38.360 If however you say to yourself, or at least have a vision of yourself being a confident,

00:21:43.040 strong, healthy, capable man. And you woke up when your alarm went off an hour earlier than maybe you

00:21:49.840 normally do. And the first thing you did is you went to the gym. And the second thing you did is

00:21:55.360 you cook your kids breakfast. And the third thing you did is you actually went and you showered and

00:22:01.180 you trimmed up your beard and you combed your hair and you put some deodorant on and you brushed your

00:22:06.660 teeth and you, and you were deliberate and intentional about the clothes that you picked

00:22:10.960 out for the day. And then the next thing you did is you went into the office and you planned out

00:22:15.800 every hour of that, of that entire day. And then you executed, how do you think you're going to feel

00:22:22.840 about yourself? And are you going to move closer or further away from the it factor?

00:22:29.660 If you do that every single day and you string enough of that together, you're going to move

00:22:34.560 towards it. And here's what happens. It's a, it's a spectrum, right? Here you are on the spectrum.

00:22:39.100 You might be a little left. If we say zero to a hundred, for example, you might be at 20 or 30.

00:22:45.980 And the first decision you make is going to move you towards a 19 or a 21.

00:22:51.600 So when your alarm goes off and you hit the snooze button and you sleep in for another half hour,

00:22:55.300 you went from a 20 to a 19 in your own mind. If however, you said, no, stop, turn, get up.

00:23:02.820 You went from 20 to 21. And then you did all those things, 21, 22, 25, 27, 30. And the next day,

00:23:09.560 now you're actually starting at a 30. But there's a problem when you get to the 80 or 90,

00:23:16.420 which is where we should be striving to get a hundred. I don't even think it's possible,

00:23:20.880 but to get to that 80 or 90, there's a problem. We start thinking, oh, we're good enough. Like,

00:23:26.420 this is good. I'm better than all my friends. I'm making more money than all my peers.

00:23:30.060 You can see more of my six pack than you can the rest of the guys I spend time with.

00:23:33.960 And so I'm okay if I sleep in today. You just went from 80 to 79. Oh, you know what? I'm going

00:23:40.220 to have a few more drinks because I earn it. You just went from 79 to 77. Like it's not once you

00:23:45.900 reach it, you're done. It's continual improvement every single day to move that needle on that

00:23:52.240 spectrum. And that's all the X factor is. Now, granted, I will say there are some people who are

00:23:58.180 better looking than other people. There are some people that have more style or they're

00:24:03.940 more charismatic. My wife and I went and watched the new Top Gun movie, which was phenomenal,

00:24:08.400 by the way, incredible movie. And my wife leaned over to me at one of the scenes and she's like,

00:24:13.800 why is Tom Cruise so cool? And I'm like, I don't know. He just is. And so there are,

00:24:19.340 there are people who are naturally just cooler than other people. They have more charisma.

00:24:24.980 Like I think about guys like Jocko, like Jocko is a great example. He's just cool. Like he's got this

00:24:32.580 menacing look. He's big. He's strong. He's intentionally got a great voice and look not to

00:24:40.740 discount Jocko because also he has the it factor. He's earned 80 to 90% of the results that you're

00:24:48.080 experiencing. The other 10, yeah, he was just born big and has a cool voice, but it's that 90%

00:24:55.780 that we're recognizing. We don't quite know how to get our pulse on it. That is that it factor.

00:25:01.040 And it's earned. It's definitely earned. Yeah. I mean, I can't add anything to it's funny.

00:25:07.820 I wrote down confidence. It was the only thing I wrote down for the answer to that. And you,

00:25:15.460 you can tell, and that's the biggest thing, but a lot of times you can only tell if you

00:25:22.000 have that it factor also. And so it's, it's, it's mysterious. If you don't, it's like, I don't get

00:25:29.300 it. Right. Cause you've, you don't have confidence in yourself. So you don't, how would you understand

00:25:33.880 it? It's like a magic trick. There's no magic. You know, if you see a magician on the street and

00:25:40.260 he's doing card tricks, you're like, Whoa, it's magical. No, it's not. It's a trick, but you don't

00:25:44.920 understand it. Cause you don't get the trick. So you think it's magical or it's special. No, it's

00:25:50.240 just a trick. You just have to figure it out. And then it's actually not all that cool. Like, it's

00:25:55.580 just like, Oh, that's it. I have to wake up on time and work out and show up. It's just processed.

00:26:00.880 Yeah. That's definitely not cool. That's it. Yeah. And there, I will say this, cause it sounds like

00:26:07.220 he was asking for the sake of trying to find out what to do to, to land there. And so what I would

00:26:15.560 say, the only thing I could add, as you were talking, I wrote down, um, fail forward. And so

00:26:21.500 you have to be willing to ask. So if you're in a group of men, let's say, and someone feels like

00:26:28.280 they have that it factor instead, I think what a lot of guys do as a mistake is they show up and

00:26:33.800 they become that guy who tries to talk themselves into the conversation, tries to talk themselves

00:26:40.020 into, um, establishing themselves as part of the group instead of showing up and maybe asking

00:26:48.040 questions, maybe listening, just being around and absorbing it in. And like, I get asked all the time,

00:26:56.500 you know, what's, what's the fastest way to become a strong leader? What's the fastest way to,

00:27:01.640 to self-develop, um, kind of what he's asking, right? Um, my answer's always by osmosis. You need

00:27:09.420 to find those guys and then you need to insert yourself in places where you can be around them

00:27:13.920 more often. And then when you're there, you listen, you ask questions, um, and then you start taking

00:27:20.280 actions on the things that you learn from them. Um, the conversations that you hear them talk about,

00:27:26.760 you start doing more of the things you hear them say. And then before you know it, you're part of

00:27:32.320 those conversations. That question asking Sean is huge because so many guys want to, well, they want

00:27:39.480 to assert themselves into a situation and let's say there's five high, high achieving. Okay. Let,

00:27:46.300 let, let me even be more, um, crystal like clear about this is let's say I'm in the room with Joe

00:27:52.760 Rogan, um, Jocko Willink, Andy Frisilla, uh, maybe Mark Maron, like the best of the best podcasters in

00:28:03.460 the world. If I go in there and I just start asserting myself and telling them everything that

00:28:09.940 you can do as a podcaster, like what, where do I get off talking about that? Like, these are the

00:28:16.960 best podcasters in the world. But if I go and I say, man, I, I, I'm so grateful to be here with

00:28:24.260 you guys. Like what, what's one thing you did to really put your podcast on the map and you go in

00:28:30.100 there with humility and an open mind. And then like you said, start applying that that's just as

00:28:37.240 valuable because look, there's nothing I can add to those guys life. Like really there isn't, there

00:28:41.820 isn't a whole lot I can add. I'm going to give you a more tidbit in a second, but there isn't really a

00:28:45.840 whole lot I can add, but you know, what is valuable to high achievers and Sean, you've been very,

00:28:50.480 very successful in your life. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I would assume that if

00:28:55.040 somebody came to you and said, Hey, Sean, I want to build up my financial planning practice. Like you

00:29:00.520 have, what have you done? And what should I do right now at the stage I'm at? And you give them

00:29:05.960 three or four or five things and they actually go do it. And then they call you up and they say,

00:29:10.780 Hey, I want to tell you, I'm really, really grateful for your time that you gave me.

00:29:14.920 Uh, six months ago, I took notes. I did everything that you've said religiously

00:29:20.120 and my income has doubled in the past six months. That would be valuable to you. Cause you feel like

00:29:27.060 I want to give, I want to, I want to be benevolent. I want to help other people. And then you have a guy

00:29:33.280 who actually does it. That's valuable. Yeah. There's one other way you can add value. If you don't feel

00:29:38.780 like you have any make introductions, just may, I promise you guys make introductions.

00:29:45.880 If Sean, you came to me and you're like, Hey man, I need some help with, um, archery. I'm,

00:29:52.020 you know, like I'm, I'm an archer, but I want to, I want to get better at it. I'm like, well,

00:29:55.680 you're better. You are quite literally a better archer than I am personally. So what am I going to

00:30:00.840 do? Well, if I'm arrogant, I'm going to try to teach you all the things that I know, but you're

00:30:05.740 like, that's stupid. You, you know, all of that. So what I am going to do is I'm going to reach out

00:30:11.240 to John Dudley. Who's in my network, who you may or may not know. And I'm going to say, you know

00:30:15.020 what, if you want to know everything, connect with this guy. And you see how I just made myself

00:30:20.780 invaluable to you without actually having to doing much except for make a phone call or shoot a text.

00:30:26.320 Yeah. It's the best way to add value into people's lives is make connections for them.

00:30:31.420 And it couldn't be, let's say you didn't know Dudley. Um, it, it, when I got introduced to

00:30:37.700 archery, um, my friend is, he's friends with John Dudley's hunts with them. He's he, but he also

00:30:44.140 learned from him and he told me, Hey, look, just go on a knock on, watch the knock on videos starting

00:30:49.940 at one, you know, and go through it and just go one, two, three, do the thing that the course,

00:30:56.200 if you do it, you watch, you know, number one is for the first week. Number two is for the

00:31:00.820 second week. Right. And you do that school of knock is what it's called school of knock.

00:31:04.220 Right. And that's, that's what I did. So he was personal friends, but it's not like he gave me

00:31:07.980 his number and said here called John Dudley, but he knew the resources that Dudley had. And he said,

00:31:13.660 Hey, go watch the videos. And so that was all he did. It wasn't a big major thing, but I was willing

00:31:20.800 to ask. I was willing to add, like sound like I knew nothing, which I didn't. And then he told me

00:31:27.880 to add some videos and guess what? I didn't call him after every week and be like, Oh,

00:31:31.780 he said this, what do I do? Whatever. I just, I followed it, do it, went through it, did it got

00:31:37.520 better. And then when I felt like I was good enough to be able to hunt, I happened to be going out to

00:31:44.480 where he lived, which was the big Island. And I said, Hey, I'm going to be out there. I'd love to

00:31:48.120 go out with you and learn some more. And I'm a pretty good shot at this distance. This is kind of

00:31:52.940 where I'm at now. Do you have the time? He said, yeah, you know, let's get out there. Plus I got

00:31:58.340 another friend who will take you out. And, uh, you know, and those two guys have become the guys

00:32:04.360 who I've gone to with more questions than anybody else. Um, and I still ask them questions on little

00:32:12.320 things that in my mind, before I even ask, sometimes I think this is, it may be dumb.

00:32:19.200 Maybe I can Google it. Maybe I can spend some hours, but I really just want to know their

00:32:23.240 opinion on it. Um, and so I ask, and not once have I had them be like, well, that was a dumb

00:32:28.960 question or whatever. They've always answered. They've always given me a resource or a place to

00:32:33.800 go. And it's always helped me. Um, but the difference also is that I've done it. And so the

00:32:39.880 next time I did call them, if they have never once been like, well, remember when I told you this

00:32:45.820 back then, did you do it? It was already apparent that I did. Right. So you're going to lose people

00:32:51.200 if you try and sound like, you know what you're talking about. Like you said, um, you know,

00:32:56.380 back to that thing. If you were with, with Rogan and Jocko and those guys, if you were invited to

00:33:01.100 something like that, or you happen to even let's say you paid to be at something like that, because

00:33:05.140 that happens sometimes, right? You pay to be, which is a viable strategy. Don't feel bad about doing

00:33:09.140 that. Exactly. That's why I brought it up. Um, but you get there and then you become that guy

00:33:14.620 who's trying to insert himself and, and sound like he knows what he's talking about. You're not

00:33:18.460 going to be invited back, you know, or the next thing you pay for to be at, they're going to see

00:33:23.340 you coming and you're going to become that guy, you know, that, that they try and distance from

00:33:28.660 their conversations. And so, you know, you're, you're going to go backwards and trying to do it

00:33:33.960 that way. And so it's getting there, asking the questions, but then doing it sometimes means more

00:33:41.660 than asking, because you ask if people come to me, the fastest way to get me to not continue to

00:33:47.480 mentor or coach you is when you come to me the second time. And I ask you, if you did the first

00:33:51.560 things I told you, right. Or ask you the results from what you got. And if you said, well, I didn't

00:33:56.680 implement that because, which is what almost everybody does in their answer. When they didn't

00:34:01.700 do something, they give you the reason, the validity behind why they didn't do it because their

00:34:06.800 situation is different. That you'd like, you may, you might get one more chance to do it right.

00:34:16.280 That's what I'm saying. Might. And at that point, I'm like, well, just go listen to the podcast,

00:34:21.300 then check out the website, sign up for the emails and good luck. Yeah. So don't mess it up.

00:34:27.800 The only other thing I would say guys is, and you said it, Sean, you said, assert yourself a hundred

00:34:32.680 percent, assert yourself. And then the last thing I would say is if you're trying to develop that it

00:34:37.280 factor and really figure out how you can be like that guy that you see, just go to order a man.com

00:34:43.760 slash battle ready. And don't just sign up for the emails. You're going to get emails. It's free,

00:34:49.420 but you're going to get the emails and don't just read them and think they're cute and clever. And

00:34:52.900 like, they're cool. Like actually assert yourself and do them for the next 30 days. And you're going to

00:34:58.920 put yourself on the trajectory to develop that it factor in your life. Not in 30 days,

00:35:03.880 not 90 days, probably not even in a year, but you're going to move on that sliding scale on

00:35:08.880 that spectrum. So it's order a man.com slash battle ready. You know, and last thing I'll say,

00:35:14.580 but I just had, it has to be said for the iron council. My favorite thing about the iron council

00:35:19.580 is you have guys on every end of the spectrum of what we're talking about. And you have all of those

00:35:26.140 guys with it factor are all there to help other men be the same. And so it's a place where you have

00:35:35.140 guys at all levels, uh, that can go in and you'll, he, it's going to be obvious. The guys who are

00:35:41.540 newer trying to figure it out, who are, you know, for lack of a better word, actually not lack of a

00:35:46.480 better word. Cause it's what it is. They're confused. They don't know where to start. And you've got guys

00:35:51.440 at the highest levels that are not just willing, but they're there to help those men to be where

00:35:58.780 they're at or better. Like the, the, the amount that you give to the iron council is dish disproportionate

00:36:05.680 in a positive way to what I imagine you'd receive from them. And there's probably a lot of, a sense

00:36:11.800 of pride, a sense of satisfaction. We're friends. You get to be here and share some, some wisdom.

00:36:16.800 And so there is some value in that for you, but I think I understand what I'm saying is that

00:36:22.160 the amount that you give is disproportionate positively to what you would get from the

00:36:27.060 iron. So you're one of those guys. Thank you. I mean, I appreciate that. Cause that's

00:36:32.360 the goal, but I would also argue that it, me being in the iron council keeps me sharp.

00:36:38.340 It keeps me on point. It keeps me on my game and doing it the way that I do helps me be successful

00:36:46.420 in every other area of my life. So it's not like I'm just volunteering time to be there with no

00:36:52.080 benefit to myself either. I don't think any of the guys in the iron council with the it factor

00:36:57.260 are doing that either. They all have something to gain by being there. It's, it's, it's the

00:37:03.520 ultimate breeding ground. If we're talking osmosis, right? If you ever watch cells kind of grow

00:37:10.240 right through osmosis and then others come into the group and show up and then they all start

00:37:16.180 multiplying. I mean, that's what the iron council is. And that's the only way we're going to achieve

00:37:20.860 your mission. And it's by that breeding ground for guys with it factor. Yep. 100%. Cool, man.

00:37:28.580 What's next? Next questions from Jacob Pinion. He says, Kip mentioned in a recent episode. So I don't

00:37:34.940 know if you're going to, I have zero experience with doing this. He said, journaling BJJ. I'm a

00:37:41.440 one stripe white belt. So it's the first time I've heard about this. Do you suggest I journal? And what

00:37:46.740 does that look like? Any tips? I don't personally journal. I know Kip writes and documents and I know

00:37:53.880 people who journal as well. I'm actually working with Pete Roberts. He's the founder of Origin

00:38:00.020 in creating, hold on. I'm going to grab this real quick. So we've got our battle planner. You got a

00:38:07.040 lot of you guys are familiar with. We're actually creating one for specifically for jujitsu. We've

00:38:12.760 already created it, have all the questions and the format and everything. Now we just have to build it.

00:38:18.100 So that should be coming online soon. So again, I don't personally journal, but here's what I do

00:38:24.640 is I'm very, very active in jujitsu up until my, I've got a show. I'm supposed to be wearing my

00:38:31.840 sling. I'm not, I know all you guys are going to be like, well, you know, take it easy, whatever.

00:38:35.660 Okay, good. Get that out of your system. It's fine. Okay. I'll put my sling on later.

00:38:40.960 Uh, but what I do is I will go to practice. I learned this from a friend of mine. Who's also

00:38:47.820 with Origin. His name is Dennis. Very, very talented and technical, uh, purple belt. And he

00:38:54.480 purple, gosh, I think he's purple. Um, very technical. And he says, always come to training

00:39:02.640 with something you want to work on. Like, don't ever just go to training and be like, I want to do

00:39:07.100 good today. Or I want to submit people, or I don't want to be submitted as a one-stripe white belt.

00:39:11.960 That's probably what you're thinking. Like, I just want to be able to last the time without getting

00:39:16.500 submitted. Hey, look, that's a fair, that's a fair objective. Like just try to last, just try

00:39:21.900 to survive with a blue belt or a purple belt. That's, that's cool. But Dennis says, no, come

00:39:27.420 with something specific. So the first time I ever rolled with Dennis, again, very technical purple

00:39:32.420 belt. And, um, I trained with him and he gave me his back almost immediately. And for about, we'd run

00:39:39.460 from eight to 10 minute rounds. So for eight to 10 minutes, I was on his back trying to submit him.

00:39:43.860 And I'm like, man, this guy sucks as a purple belt. And then I went and trained and rolled with

00:39:49.420 some other people. And I came back to him and all of a sudden he was like, good. I was like, whoa,

00:39:55.820 this is a huge discrepancy from 20 minutes ago when I took your back and I was on your back for eight

00:40:00.560 minutes. And I talked to him afterwards and I'm like, Hey man, like I kind of get the feeling that

00:40:05.180 when you and I were training the first time, you weren't maybe going a hundred percent or like what?

00:40:11.360 And he's like, oh no, I was going a hundred percent. He's like, I was just working my back

00:40:14.740 defense. I was like, oh, got it. And I said, tell me about that. And he's like, well, usually when I

00:40:20.120 come to training, there's one specific element of my game that I really want to work on. And so

00:40:25.320 when I came to train today, I really wanted to work on defending my neck, defending my back.

00:40:31.380 If somebody else got my back, like how I can reverse. And once I reverse, then I actually give up

00:40:36.620 my back again and go right back to it. Cause that's my goal. Like I'm working this today.

00:40:40.700 And I said, man, that's really interesting. I've never done that. He's like, most people don't

00:40:43.940 because it's hard. It's hard because you're going to get submitted. You're going to be exposed.

00:40:50.260 You're going to maybe not look as good as, as you actually are. And so there's an ego thing to it.

00:40:58.420 So you got to let that go. And I've started to do that in my, in my game up until

00:41:03.120 me being out for the next three months, but that was a huge, huge help in my game is like,

00:41:08.920 all right, what do I want to work today? Well, I want to work neon belly, or I want to work guard

00:41:14.440 retention, uh, or I want to work sweeps or whatever it is. You just pick that thing. And then when you're

00:41:21.280 done, what I would suggest, and I don't do this written, but this would be a very good journaling

00:41:25.900 tactic is do what we call an after action review. So an after action review is a series of five

00:41:32.300 questions. The first, and this applies not to just to jujitsu guys is every facet of life.

00:41:37.100 When I get done with this podcast, I'm doing an after action review. It's what did I accomplish?

00:41:43.320 Right. And so that actually means that you went to something, whether it was class, uh, or the

00:41:49.380 podcast or a conversation or something with a goal in mind. And what did you accomplish? Well,

00:41:56.300 I accomplished my goal. Congratulations. You ought to pat yourself on the back. That's good.

00:41:59.900 What didn't you accomplish? Well, maybe you hit 80% of your goal, but you missed 20 and you need to

00:42:06.760 know that you need to be really truthful with yourself, man. I went to defend my back and I

00:42:13.880 did good on eight of my 10 roles, but two of my roles, a couple of guys were able to submit me.

00:42:20.200 Okay. Well, I wasn't a hundred. I was 80%. I want to know that. Then you, so those are the two first

00:42:25.920 questions. What did I get done? What didn't I get done? Third question is what did I do well?

00:42:32.420 Okay. Well, I defended my neck really well, or on this podcast, I came to the podcast prepared. I knew

00:42:39.560 what the questions were ahead of time and I jotted down some notes. So think about what your strengths

00:42:44.560 are. Fourth question, what did I not do so well? Well, I didn't get my 20%, but the reason I didn't

00:42:51.800 is because I got distracted when they started playing with my feet and doing some feet game

00:42:57.600 stuff. And I exposed my neck and that's what created the problems. Okay, good. You got to know

00:43:03.100 that. And then the fifth question is what am I going to do next time? So that's a great journaling

00:43:11.920 tactic, whether it's jujitsu or pistol training or podcasting or having a conversation with your wife

00:43:19.260 or having a conversation to go to that earlier question with your folks about the way that

00:43:24.300 they're grandparenting and involved in your life. Do that after action review. What did I get done?

00:43:29.460 What didn't I do? What did I do? Well, what did I do that didn't go so well? And what am I going to do

00:43:35.520 next time in this situation? That was so good. I hope guys were taking notes on that just in general.

00:43:43.780 Um, like I said, I'd have nothing to add to the question, but what I want to point out is you did

00:43:50.060 everything we talked about to this point in this podcast, as far as it factor. So talk about being

00:43:56.620 high caliber. You, what could have happened when you went and you rolled with that guy is you could

00:44:02.200 have left and you could have been pissed at him for taking it easy on you. And then that could have

00:44:07.740 gone into other sessions that could have gone down the road. You would have learned nothing,

00:44:11.740 except that you maybe don't want to roll with that guy because you'd feel like he's like playing with

00:44:18.740 you. Right. Does that make sense? Right. Yes. Instead you ask the question, like we said, which

00:44:25.080 might've felt like, Oh man, I'm not totally comfortable asking the question. Uh, or maybe

00:44:31.860 I'm going to be perceived as like lower caliber because I'm asking this question, but you were willing to

00:44:37.300 ask regardless. And then you got the answer and you threw that answer, understood his intention.

00:44:44.600 You understood where he was coming from that feeling of this guy's toying with me, you know,

00:44:50.680 or he's not going a hundred percent or he's messing around with me. Cause I'm a lower belt level

00:44:54.580 went away. And it gave you a tool that you are going to be able to use for the rest of your

00:45:02.300 BJJ experience. And probably one of the key tools that you've been able to take to make you better.

00:45:09.980 Um, again, it was just showing up like you always do being willing to ask the questions,

00:45:15.220 ask questions, take in and pay attention to the answers and the conversations, and then use those

00:45:21.460 things and how you do it in your life. And assuming it's not malicious. Yeah. Like I didn't assume he was

00:45:28.900 toying with me. I was like, what? Like, he's not very good. That was my thought. Like he's not,

00:45:33.980 but I didn't think he was being a dick. You didn't, but most people I think would, especially men.

00:45:38.540 I think maybe those thoughts in their mind. And that's the, that's the point I'm making is like,

00:45:42.960 it's very rarely is it malicious. And even, even guys who do have, I'll say this people that do have

00:45:49.820 malicious intent. If you just confront them, let's say that you were just a total jerk to me and we were

00:45:56.360 coworkers. And I came to you and I said, Hey, Sean, like we've been working together for a couple of

00:46:02.100 years and man, we've never had a great relationship. And quite often it feels like either you don't like

00:46:09.560 me or maybe you're intimidated by me, or maybe we just have completely polar opposite personalities,

00:46:16.600 but it comes across as you just really have a level of hostility in me toward in working together,

00:46:25.140 man. I don't want that to be the case. Like I'm not leaving and I don't think you are,

00:46:29.840 and I don't want you to, but like, I'm going to be here and I would like to have a great

00:46:34.960 working relationship is, am I, am I missing something? And whatever the reason was, whether

00:46:43.020 it was ignorance or hate or just your personality, um, or you can't communicate what, like whatever it

00:46:50.640 is, I just took down every single wall that you have. Like, I just completely dismantled

00:46:57.680 your defense and offense against me. Like there's nothing else to hide behind and I'm not doing it

00:47:05.320 maliciously. Like I, I, we got to work together, bro. So let's like, what can we, what can I do to

00:47:11.340 make this a better situation? Your defense and your offense was dismantled in 10 minute conversation,

00:47:18.020 just because you had the balls to assert yourself in a constructive way.

00:47:24.000 And who knows, maybe that becomes a lifelong friendship.

00:47:26.940 It could very well. It really could.

00:47:29.140 But at the very least, it's going to become an amicable relationship where now you can work

00:47:35.300 together. You understand each other, you understand your intentions and you can go about your business,

00:47:40.480 um, in a healthy way.

00:47:42.960 That's right. That's right. Cool. Uh, let's take a couple more.

00:47:47.200 Okay. Graham Helder says, I recently moved halfway across the country. I'm having difficulty

00:47:53.040 approaching men in my church and striking up conversation in my old church. I grew up with

00:47:58.540 everyone, but now I feel like an outsider. How do I beat that social anxiety and engage with my peers?

00:48:06.400 So Sean, I think I'm pretty certain we answered this one last week. So this is one that I may have

00:48:12.580 missed, but yeah, it's a great question. It's a very important question. So, so go back to last

00:48:19.780 week's podcast. Cause I'm 99% sure that we hit this one last week. Got it. Sorry. I, I, no worries.

00:48:26.660 I looked over them too. And I missed it as well. So, okay. Um, what is the mindset necessary to build

00:48:34.080 generational wealth as natives in this young country? I don't understand the natives in this

00:48:41.200 young country part, but maybe I don't, I don't, I don't know if that's relevant in the question,

00:48:45.900 but I think I'll, I think I'll default to you, Sean, you, you, you've got a financial background,

00:48:50.940 um, from the way that you guys have built your wealth. I'm, I'm going to default to you. I might

00:48:55.240 have a few things to add, but I'll turn it to you first. I, I think first you have to become

00:49:00.300 educated. It has to start with you. If you grew up in a family like mine, that, uh, does not have

00:49:06.600 generational wealth, uh, and the things being passed out. Here's what happens to most people,

00:49:11.720 right? We talk about the now one percenters. When I started my practice in 1999, we called them the

00:49:18.360 five percenters, uh, it's, which nobody talks about. So in 1999, just, you know, a couple of

00:49:26.700 decades ago, 5% of the people in the country held most of the wealth. Now it's 1%, right? So that's

00:49:34.600 not a long time either. That's not at all. And so that's getting worse and worse. And everybody's

00:49:41.900 getting more and more angry at the 1% instead of finding ways to become the 1% and turn the 1%

00:49:50.500 into 2% into five into 10. And that could happen for all of us, but we have to be educated first.

00:49:56.260 We have to drop our bad habits that have been passed down from generation to generation to

00:50:01.620 generation. And for most of us start completely brand new. And so that's what my wife and I did.

00:50:10.080 Uh, my wife, I thought I grew up pretty poor. She grew up even worse than me. And, uh, and both of

00:50:18.040 us have done well, but first through self-education and learning fundamentals. And so when I say education,

00:50:24.460 I'm not talking about how to pick stocks, how to, you know, choose the right investments. I'm talking

00:50:31.140 fundamental things like get out of debt the fastest and then stay out of debt to save a percentage of

00:50:38.300 your income, to live below your means, to, you know, to build good habits that's will serve you

00:50:44.880 that other people in your family will see in you, uh, as a way that you live your life and they think

00:50:53.000 is normal. So generationally, if your kids don't see a normal pattern in what you do with your money,

00:51:01.140 that generates wealth, you can't expect them to, to know the right things to do with their money.

00:51:07.960 And so if you don't do those things yourself, so first look at you, do you have a bunch of debt?

00:51:14.400 You know, it is like, I look at my wife and I, we have zero debt outside of the mortgage on our new

00:51:19.760 home. Um, and we couldn't pass that up because it's 2.7%. So I'd really rather leverage that to

00:51:28.280 do something and have all those millions to invest, right? That'll make me far more. Um,

00:51:35.620 so there is a difference between good and debt, good and bad debt. If you don't know what the

00:51:40.180 difference between good and bad debt is, learn it, right? Like understand that. So, um, understanding

00:51:48.220 savings that people ask me investment advice all the time, trying to find the best quote unquote

00:51:55.180 investment, the best stock, the best is real estate better than stock. I hear that one all the time.

00:52:00.860 You know, what, what should I invest in first? The stock market, real estate. My answer is always

00:52:06.100 learn the two and figure out what's best for you, for you. Right. You know, like my, I don't have any

00:52:14.000 rental properties anymore. I used to, you know, and I don't because my wife and I both figured out

00:52:19.320 that's not our wheelhouse and it's not what we want. I don't want tenants. I don't want, you know,

00:52:25.540 that, that possible liability. I don't want any of that. That's just me personally.

00:52:30.680 And look, let me just interject on that one, Sean, real quick, because I do have rental properties

00:52:34.720 and I love it. I was just going to say that, you know, I have a property manager that I've hired

00:52:40.320 that manages it. So, so it's out of my plate. And so, yeah, I lose some of the profits because

00:52:45.200 that's paid to him and his company. But I've got a tenant in one of my properties who's been there

00:52:51.460 for six years. I love it. Occasionally I'm going to have to replace the carpet or maybe get a

00:52:56.800 repairman out there to do the water heater or whatever, but it's awesome. Somebody else is paying

00:53:02.920 my mortgage. Somebody else has a beautiful home to live in. I get a lot of value from that financially

00:53:08.960 and other ways and neither is right or wrong. It's just different. Yeah. And you, you'll probably

00:53:16.840 accumulate way more in real estate assets than I will. And, you know, and who knows, maybe down the

00:53:24.000 road that'll change for me. Maybe I'll come across a deal that I can't pass up or whatever, you know,

00:53:28.820 maybe I'll meet a good manager that wants to work with me and, and, you know, kind of use my

00:53:34.440 hint for the managers or, or alternatively, maybe the market's doing really well and I could sell my

00:53:41.920 house for, you know, two and a half times what I bought it for or what I owe on it. And then I can

00:53:47.340 take that and dump it into a really nice business opportunity. So yeah, priorities change.

00:53:52.940 Yeah. And I'm, and I'm better at business. So instead my wife and I started other businesses

00:53:58.820 with that money. Right. And so again, everybody's different, but before you even get to that point,

00:54:06.340 if you don't save money already, if you don't live below your means, if you can't get by when you're

00:54:13.620 broke, if you can't pay bills, when you're broke, you're not going to pay bills when you're making a

00:54:19.500 lot of money. And I think most people's solution to their financial problem is to make more.

00:54:25.460 So they spend their entire life trying to make more money. And the traditional route of that

00:54:31.380 is, well, I need to go to more schooling, right? So I need to go to more schools so I could get a

00:54:37.240 higher paying job so I can make more money. And then that's going to help me eventually be wealthy.

00:54:42.720 Well, they're not going to teach you anything about wealth in school. They're going to teach you how to

00:54:47.240 work for someone else. And so you're just going to learn how to get another job with more money,

00:54:51.740 still have bad financial habits. And so no matter how much you make is never going to be enough

00:54:56.580 because you're still going to spend it poorly. And so first establish your debt process. Like Ramsey

00:55:05.460 has a great fundamental thing for that. And I know you've mentioned that a lot, but his debt thing,

00:55:13.660 I think is the best thing he has. And then him telling people to save money. If you're not saving at

00:55:19.700 least 10% of your income, you're doing it wrong. I know my wife and I personally, we save over 50%

00:55:26.560 of our income. Why? Because it's important to us. So as our incomes increased, it's not like,

00:55:32.820 okay, great. Now we have this money to buy a new Lamborghini and this money to buy this or whatever.

00:55:38.540 We've actually increased how much we save because that's our habit. Because it's important to us

00:55:44.240 because we understand compound interest. We know where that's going to land us

00:55:47.880 and the generations financially. We also know the impact that we can have with that money. It's

00:55:53.560 important to us to give, to be involved in philanthropy and the things that are important

00:55:59.960 to us. And like, I want to be able to write checks for millions of dollars to things I feel are

00:56:05.320 important, right? And I'm not there yet. And so I need to be putting more money away in good places

00:56:11.780 that are going to earn a decent return. So that puts me in a position to be able to do that,

00:56:17.580 right? And so if I just spend, not only spend all the money I make, but spend it before I have it,

00:56:24.220 which is 90 plus percent of the country, I'm never going to get there, right? So start with

00:56:30.860 those fundamentals, start doing it regardless. Don't use the excuse of where you stand now financially,

00:56:37.220 regardless of that circumstance. Cause I, and I'll, I'll end with this. Cause I know it's going on.

00:56:44.300 I chose to be homeless. That's a, it's an extreme situation, but I had $30,000 worth of debt

00:56:52.300 that I had to get out of. Um, and, and I, I couldn't get out of it. Um, so I had to reduce my,

00:57:00.160 my, um, circumstance. And so I chose to live in my car so I wouldn't have rent to pay. So I could

00:57:10.660 pay off bills faster. I voluntarily repoed a second truck that I had. I sold my dirt bike. I

00:57:17.420 got rid of my jacuzzi that I had, right. That, that was financed. So I got rid of everything,

00:57:24.600 you know, to that, to that point was important to me financially. I still owed money on some of it,

00:57:29.940 even though I didn't have it anymore, but it was all a means to an end to pay it off as fast as

00:57:34.760 possible in that process. While I was sleeping in my car, I still had $200 a month going towards

00:57:42.680 long-term investments. So, um, a single guy, right. Broke living in my car and still $200 a month. I'm

00:57:50.220 putting away in a long-term investment that was going to accumulate into there's the people at my

00:57:58.160 door. Um, that's going to accumulate into millions of dollars by the time I'm in my fifties and sixties.

00:58:05.220 Yeah. And so that was more important to me than having the dirt bike right now.

00:58:11.260 Right. Right. And most people aren't willing to get rid of some of the stuff that they have right now

00:58:16.300 to, to start those good habits. Sean, the only other thing I would say, and, and maybe we'll take

00:58:22.600 one more question and wrap it up. Are you good? Do you need to go? No, I'm good. I'm good. They,

00:58:26.780 they got rerouted. Awesome. Uh, the dogs rerouted them. Perfect. Uh, the only other thing I would say

00:58:33.480 for this specific question, cause you're asking about generational wealth is Sean, you and I grew

00:58:38.260 up in similar situations where a single mother probably came from a situation where, although I

00:58:45.320 didn't personally know how bad the finances were. Um, there were probably a lot of sleepless nights

00:58:50.180 wondering how the mortgage was going to get paid and is the car going to get repoed and all this

00:58:54.820 kind of thing that my mom made sure that she shielded us from. We never were concerned with

00:59:00.220 that, but also she taught me a lot of these basic foundational principles, very good with her

00:59:05.660 money, very responsible budget, keeping track of everything very good that way. Um, and my family

00:59:13.300 and I are in a completely different situation. Uh, the amount of financial abundance and prosperity

00:59:18.940 that we have relative to the way I grew up is exponential. Um, and I'm very grateful. I feel

00:59:24.180 blessed for that. Uh, we've created a lot of that and we're very blessed with a lot of that as well.

00:59:28.420 Um, I've been very cautious not to rob my children of the opportunity to struggle and the opportunity to

00:59:36.000 do things on their own. Now I can create opportunities that I never had access to because of the financial

00:59:41.500 prosperity we found ourselves in, but I'm not going to just rain down financial abundance upon them.

00:59:48.340 I'm going to teach my children what I know. Case in point, my oldest son, uh, runs our store

00:59:53.820 about six months ago. He decided he wanted to start a podcast. I didn't pay for any of that.

00:59:58.460 There's a microphone right there. There's a camera right there. I don't own those things. He owned

01:00:02.540 like that's his property. He paid for it. He's got a dirt bike downstairs, uh, that he paid for.

01:00:10.460 I don't own that. It's people like, Oh, can I ride your bike? I'm like, it's not mine,

01:00:13.960 but you got to ask him. That's his bike. It's not mine. Um, he paid $4,000 for a website,

01:00:19.780 man in the making.com. I didn't pay for it. Like he wrote a check or he had it drafted for $4,000.

01:00:27.900 What kind of 12 year old does that? Well, the one who not only has access to the opportunities,

01:00:33.000 but the one whose parents don't give them everything and make them earn those things.

01:00:38.420 So if you're talking about generationally, don't rob your children of the hardships that you had

01:00:44.180 because the hardships that you had are a big part of the way that you are right now. And the

01:00:49.580 position you found yourself in. Yeah. I see two dots there. Number one, I can see my view

01:00:56.440 in my little makeshift area here. I can see the view of part of my fence line for my property,

01:01:01.500 right? It's 10 acres of, of black farm fence line and the bottom, cause my son's dog is a pug.

01:01:07.640 We're putting chicken wire along the bottom of that. So he can't squeeze out and go find

01:01:12.960 himself on a road and get run over. And so I have my boys out there doing that, right? They're going

01:01:18.340 to, to, to chicken wire, the bottom of 10 acres of fence line. Right. And you can hire somebody to

01:01:26.400 do that. I've had two different guys tell me two different ways to do it. That'll be cheaper,

01:01:31.240 faster, all of the above, but that would defeat me giving them work to do. Right. And, and I'll pay

01:01:41.000 them for some of it. And I've told them that I'm going to pay them for it. And they're going to

01:01:44.260 understand the difference between labor and, and then owning a business. They've all run different

01:01:49.240 types of businesses. You know, my son is mowing our lawn here. And so we got a zero turn mower for

01:01:55.780 him, which is kind of cool. Awesome. The best. I actually got it for me. Um, and then he told me

01:02:03.300 dad, I want to do it. Can I do it? Can I make money instead of you paying somebody? Can that be me?

01:02:08.240 So just the fact that they want to do that already, instead of, you know, expecting things to be handed

01:02:13.500 to them, I think says something even at their ages. Um, the second thing I want to say, and I'm going to do

01:02:19.280 that forever. I'm not just going to get all of my kids have to buy their own car. My daughter,

01:02:23.820 I'll match them dollar for dollar. I have that advantage, you know, at least to did my reasoning

01:02:28.960 behind that is I want them to get, I don't want them to buy a $4,000 car. If they've saved 4,000,

01:02:35.200 I want it to be an $8,000 car just so it's safer and more reliable. The same, the same concept of

01:02:41.240 even financing, right. It's like, I'll finance it for you, but you're going to have to pay. It's not,

01:02:46.060 I'm not buying a car. You're buying a car. I'll finance it with interest, but you're paying me.

01:02:51.040 Yes. Yeah. If you're going to do that either way, I just, I want them to be in a better car,

01:02:54.880 but I want them to, to, you know, grow it, build it, buy it, feel, you know, the confidence that

01:03:01.000 comes with that. Um, but the second thing is that the generational wealth that you create doesn't

01:03:08.140 mean necessarily always that you're going to be the wealthy one. So like your mom's a good example of

01:03:14.420 that, you know, I don't know her situation and I don't know if she's wealthy or not, um, depending

01:03:19.500 on how you define it, you know, by how you and Kip talked about last week, but you know, I'm assuming

01:03:25.320 she's not worth millions and millions and millions of dollars, but you said it yourself. You saw those

01:03:31.700 habits in her that allowed her as a single mom to be able to provide well for you. Um, and now,

01:03:38.340 you know, being a father and having kids of your own, um, you know, and having four kids and a wife

01:03:44.960 and having to provide for them, you know, how hard that must've been for her. Yeah. But those things

01:03:49.740 that she did with her money, um, made it gave her the ability to do it well for you. And now you with

01:03:59.060 better resources, if you, uh, implement those same habits and those, the same structure that she had,

01:04:05.940 that's going to help you build that wealth. And I think that's what's happening in your family.

01:04:10.440 Again, I'm, I could be putting words in your mouth. That's what I caught from what you said.

01:04:15.400 Sean, let's do a rapid fire on the last question. If there is one, and then we'll, uh, wrap things

01:04:19.640 up today. Yeah. This one's a good one. Chris Baber, my wife and I exercise regularly, but don't

01:04:24.860 always eat the healthiest. What tips do the both of you have for sticking to a healthy diet?

01:04:29.960 You're asking the wrong guy. This I'll exercise all day, every day. I'll want not,

01:04:35.620 not currently because what I'm dealing with, but I'll walk, I'll run, I'll train jujitsu. I'll be

01:04:40.540 outside. We'll be running around. We'll be shooting each other with airsoft guns. Like that's not an

01:04:45.020 issue for me, but my, yeah, my issue is, is food. What I would say, here's what I would say just

01:04:50.580 from a personal anecdotal level is there's certain times of the day that are a struggle for me.

01:04:56.680 I don't typically eat breakfast about 70 to 80% of the time. I don't eat lunch and it's not because

01:05:04.060 I'm intermittent fasting. It's because I'm so busy and wrapped up and engaged with work

01:05:09.520 that I don't even think about it. I'm just like, I'm working. Like I can't take an hour. Like I'm

01:05:14.380 doing it. And it's not even, I don't even want to, like, I want to work. That's I have a propensity

01:05:19.060 for that. Um, so dinner is made by my wife. It's usually a very well-rounded meal. I struggle a little

01:05:25.440 bit with portions. So I would say, be aware of that. That's something I have to be aware of.

01:05:30.240 And the time that I eat the most is if the kids are in bed and we're winding down and my work is

01:05:36.840 done and the phone's away and I'm spending time with my wife, I will snack. I'll eat the string

01:05:42.840 cheeses and the chips and salsa and the crackers and the leftover brownies and the leftover dinner.

01:05:50.080 And so I have to be very aware of that. And this goes back to the very first question we asked today

01:05:55.600 is put those boundaries in place, which is you don't eat after seven o'clock.

01:06:02.920 You just don't. That's just a rule. Don't eat after seven. Cause I know if I eat after seven,

01:06:08.280 it's not going to go well. That's what I can give you. And that just comes from personal experience.

01:06:13.460 That's exactly what I would say. The, what I would add on top of that is to, if it's really

01:06:19.680 important enough to you is that you'll meal plan. And I don't know if Trish does that for you guys

01:06:25.380 and the way that she shops or, or the way, you know, or when she makes meals, but for my wife and

01:06:30.380 I, because we're both engaged in our business and multiple businesses and we're go like you, like the,

01:06:37.180 both of us will forget to eat because we're engaged in what we're doing. And we've always been that way.

01:06:41.240 But if every Sunday we sit down and look at, okay, the coming week, what do we have this week?

01:06:49.120 Right. This is our family planning that we have our family nights. And we say,

01:06:53.060 this is what all the kids have. This is what we have. This is, you know, the things we're,

01:06:57.260 that are non-negotiable that we're going to show up to, um, that we have like this podcast was one

01:07:02.300 of them, right? Like this morning, um, we talked about it last night. What was going to happen today?

01:07:07.260 The fact that no kids we've heard stomping through the house and running around and yelling at each

01:07:12.500 other and screaming at each other is because I planned it yesterday. Um, dog, that dog needs

01:07:17.120 to pay attention, but the, but the housekeepers showed up today. We had the conversation last

01:07:22.060 night and we sent them multiple texts to see if they were coming today. Cause we didn't know

01:07:25.320 and they didn't get back to us. They just showed up right now. Right. And so that was out of our

01:07:29.620 control, but we still put in the effort and all the things we need to do to make sure that was part of

01:07:34.520 the plan. Um, in that we like, okay, what are we going to do for food this week? So we,

01:07:41.540 all of those times, all of the stuff, everything we know is going on. And then we look at, okay,

01:07:46.740 what are the meals going to look like? Because this is an important part of us, the way we eat,

01:07:51.680 especially for my wife and daughter, because they have like food restrictions, you know,

01:07:56.120 and things they can eat. And so we know if we're going to be traveling or going somewhere,

01:07:59.140 we have to put ourself in a position for them to be able to eat well. Cause it affects them

01:08:03.720 physically more than me. And so again, if it's important enough, you'll do it. And that's why we

01:08:09.620 meal plan and we eat better. And so we have a sheet that it has every day of the week. And it has

01:08:17.520 written on there, what we would, what we are going to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Um,

01:08:24.760 and then we do all the shopping around that meal plan. So we also save money that way. Cause we're

01:08:30.320 not like buying snacks that we want to get while we're at the store. It's like, whatever we have

01:08:35.540 written down, we stick to that. We buy everything. We have our stuff for the week. We'll waste less

01:08:41.460 food. Um, and then we also eat better. And so we, we have the propensity to go to fast food,

01:08:49.380 to get delivery, to do DoorDash, to, you know, all the things that aren't going to be as good for us.

01:08:55.620 We have the less propensity to, to default to those things because we've planned it. Now,

01:09:02.820 for most people, it sounds pretty, probably sounds pretty extreme, but it just like anything,

01:09:07.860 if it's important enough to you, you'll spend the time. It takes us probably an extra half hour

01:09:14.540 to make the plan, but it saves us time at the grocery store. And it saves us time in,

01:09:22.400 and figuring out what we're going to eat, where to eat all of that stuff, because it's already a go.

01:09:30.160 So in my opinion, I think it's a wash. I don't think it's less time or more time.

01:09:34.260 Yeah. It's probably a wash. It's probably a wash if not better. Um, and, and like you said,

01:09:40.560 you know, if it's important to you and you'll also get better at it, you're going to people,

01:09:45.020 human beings. Oh, it sucks. We get, we get so efficient with whatever we do and whether it's

01:09:52.440 good or bad meal planning, I'd put on the good side of the spectrum, you know, uh, looking at

01:09:57.700 porn, I'd put on the bad side of the spectrum, but you're going to get good at either. The one

01:10:02.640 of those things, the more you do it, you're going to get good at it. You're going to get efficient at

01:10:07.160 it. So yeah, it might be hard at first, whatever, whether it's jujitsu or meal planning or this or

01:10:12.100 that, like doing it, it's always going to be hard at first, but you trust me, you will get better at

01:10:16.300 it. Build it to a habit. And, um, and as you say that, be willing to cut out the stuff that doesn't

01:10:22.720 serve you. So if it is porn, maybe it's not porn. Maybe it's just being on Facebook. Maybe it's being

01:10:26.880 on Instagram. Maybe you're wasting a half hour day, an hour day. Maybe you're watching TV and that

01:10:31.520 doesn't serve you. Right? So you're watching TV and snacking at the same time, double whammy. So

01:10:36.660 look at your day, be truthful with it, figure out what you do on a daily basis, where you waste time

01:10:42.800 and then cut out some of that stuff and replace it with the other things to build good habits that

01:10:47.200 are going to serve you. Yes. All right, guys. Well, Sean, I appreciate you. Let's go celebrate

01:10:52.700 4th of July. It is 4th of July as of the recording of this. So we're going to go celebrate. I got a few

01:10:57.360 more appointments you probably do as well. And then I'm taking the afternoon and doing fireworks

01:11:01.440 and Bount House and all this other kind of stuff. But Sean, I appreciate you. Can I say one thing

01:11:05.520 to that real fast? Yeah. Go for it, man. We're both here on 4th of July where most people are

01:11:10.320 literally doing nothing today. You know, we're working. So earlier people talked about being

01:11:16.500 the it factor, being high caliber, all that stuff. Like just the fact that you're willing to still be

01:11:23.640 working here. Like you've made that commitment to your business. You don't need to be here.

01:11:27.200 Yeah. You could add, you know, me and someone else or whatever, do this in place of you, but you chose

01:11:33.600 to do it because you've made that commitment. And that says a lot about you and who you are and where

01:11:39.020 most people are, they're literally doing nothing, choosing to do nothing. And in my opinion, that's

01:11:45.140 not giving back to the founders of our country. That's not upholding the rights and the freedoms and

01:11:50.240 things that we have by just wasting our time. It's serving people. It's making a difference. It's being

01:11:55.360 willing to work when other people aren't. And that's going to give you things that other people

01:11:59.120 aren't going to have. So I just want to say that because we hadn't said that at any point today,

01:12:03.240 it is 4th of July. We're still spending the time and still want to serve people. And I hope there's

01:12:07.460 value there, but it's in my opinion, how you show your gratitude for the freedoms we have sometimes

01:12:14.900 is by, you know, not just taking time off. So something to think about.

01:12:20.820 Well, I appreciate it. I will say I have every intention of doing nothing later this afternoon,

01:12:26.960 but just not yet. And that's one of the mantras at the house that we have, our home is you do the

01:12:34.560 work first. The work comes first. The chores come first. The projects, the tasks, the assignments,

01:12:38.800 the whatever comes first. And yeah, let's go do the bounce house. Let's go zero in our rifles.

01:12:44.860 Uh, let's go play or lift or go to juju. Yes. Hunter, we're going to do all those things,

01:12:49.820 but the work always comes first and they know that and they hate it right now,

01:12:53.300 but at some point they're going to love it. Yeah. It's, it's an all of us, right? All the

01:12:58.540 freedoms we want come with sacrifice and work first. That's right. That's right. All right,

01:13:05.060 guys. We'll enjoy your week. I appreciate you, Sean. Um, and also appreciate you guys. Great

01:13:09.300 questions today. A couple of things I'd like you to do. If you feel so inclined, join the Facebook group.

01:13:13.980 Uh, we talked about the battle ready program. That's a free 30 day email course. You're going

01:13:18.660 to get 17 emails over 30 days. There's some gaps in there to give you some time on some assignments

01:13:24.640 and challenges we issue to you. And you need a day or two for some of those things. Uh, and Sean,

01:13:30.180 you'd mentioned the iron council. The iron council is closed right now, but go ahead and do the battle

01:13:34.940 ready program at order of man.com slash battle ready. That way, when we open up, you're going to hit the

01:13:39.780 ground running and you're going to have an advantage that even some veteran members don't

01:13:44.860 fully have because they didn't go through the battle ready program. So order a man.com slash

01:13:49.140 battle ready, leave rating, leave a review, take a screenshot, share it. Let's get this message of

01:13:53.480 reclaiming and restoring masculinity out there. I think it goes a long way towards freedom. Uh,

01:13:58.260 I said this because we're talking about 4th of July. Uh, I said this, uh, last year,

01:14:04.520 I took a picture, uh, in front of my barn and there was the American flag and next to it and lower as

01:14:11.540 it should be was our order of man flag. And I said, neither one of these flags would exist without

01:14:17.840 the other, the American flag does not exist without strong, capable men who are protectors,

01:14:25.580 providers, and presiders for themselves, their families, their members in the community and their

01:14:29.920 businesses. And the order of man flag doesn't exist without a country that so many men and women have

01:14:38.360 fought and died for to preserve the rights for me to share, for you to share, and for you guys to do

01:14:44.440 an act and behave the way that you see fit. So neither one of them exist without the other. I always want

01:14:50.100 to make sure we are at that point. All right, guys, have a great week. We'll catch you on Friday.

01:14:54.280 Until then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

01:14:58.180 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:15:02.860 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - July 06, 2022

How to Develop the "It" Factor, Building Generational Wealth, and Asserting Yourself with Others ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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