Order of Man

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:05.980 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.420 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.620 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.020 Kip, what's up brother? Great to see you. Looks like we kind of coordinated shirts.

00:00:28.080 Colors are a little different, but kind of coordinated.

00:00:31.120 You can grow a longer mustache though. Outside of that, you look pretty sharp.

00:00:36.680 It's all about the porn stache or the molest stache as it's officially referred to.

00:00:41.300 The molest stache version. So it sticks out like five inches from your face.

00:00:46.100 Yeah, right. It's about as good as it gets. I was noticing this morning like,

00:00:49.400 oh, there is a lot of gray in here. I don't think I've caught up to you though.

00:00:54.240 I don't know. I've caught up to you.

00:00:55.280 This is all gray starting to show in here.

00:00:58.400 This is all peppered now. My sides are all silver. It's official.

00:01:02.760 You should just do a skullet. You know what that is?

00:01:05.240 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Shave the top.

00:01:07.400 Yeah. And just leave the gray and let it grow long.

00:01:09.940 Just leave the gray. I'm sure my wife will appreciate it.

00:01:13.560 Isn't that what they say? To build confidence, just own who you are. That's what I say.

00:01:18.080 Whatever. Just own it.

00:01:18.640 Yeah. Yeah. Don't change and don't address your shortcomings. Just own it. And then you're confident.

00:01:25.000 Just be happy with who you are and then life will be better. You won't feel depressed. You won't feel down.

00:01:29.600 You won't want to kill yourself. Like there's all sorts of things. If you just accept and embrace

00:01:34.580 a weaker, lesser version of yourself. That's what I say.

00:01:37.340 Right. Or at least just like take drugs, right? Or sedate yourself maybe. And then you could do it

00:01:44.840 that way too. Well, I've been there too. That doesn't pan out very well, but yeah.

00:01:50.720 Well, it's crazy, but I think this is fun. So work from a work perspective, I have to deal with,

00:01:57.700 I get all these statistical evidence of what's happening in the workplace, right? Statistically in

00:02:03.180 the US changes in the workforce habits or whatever, from a recruiting perspective, as well as like,

00:02:09.500 you know, trying to retain good employees, being competitive with other employers, as well as

00:02:14.980 recruiting top talent. And a couple of weeks ago, I was reading some, some Gartner data about the

00:02:22.420 percentage of employees that their number one issue is anxiety. And it's like-

00:02:30.180 In the workplace and that there's this underlining issue. And it's, and it's so crazy

00:02:37.240 to be in the conversations with companies about like how they're going to help in this. Right. And

00:02:44.440 it's, and, and don't get me wrong that there's a level of empathy that I realized I need to have

00:02:50.360 around the subject more than I naturally do. But it's also really pathetic that the approach to all

00:02:56.940 of this is medical healthcare. When we're out, it's like, you know, I was talking to my son about

00:03:04.220 this last night. You're like, oh, you know, Americans highly anxious and, and troubled with

00:03:10.500 their first world problems. You know, it's like, you know what, give everyone a book of stoicism

00:03:15.680 and say, you know what, get, get right in your mind. It's actually a choice. And, and there is a way

00:03:22.160 to address the anxieties that we have without sedation and drugs.

00:03:27.780 Yeah. I, I, I wholeheartedly agree with that. Sometimes I take issue with like, just learn more

00:03:34.300 about what you need to learn more about. It's like, I kind of already know, I think.

00:03:38.820 Yeah. I see what you're saying. Like you got it. We got a boots on the ground. Obviously just

00:03:42.980 is not enough. Yeah. You know, a lot of people be like, oh, go pick up a copy of Marcus Aurelius's

00:03:48.220 meditations. You've heard all the, the axioms and the, and the things and the quotes and like

00:03:53.060 I've shared them. Everybody else has shared them. You know, you know, like, I think the biggest thing

00:03:59.160 that we can do is find the most challenging task that we can manage, not get through easy,

00:04:08.780 but that we can manage. Manage. Yeah. That will, that is meaningful to you. That's it. I think,

00:04:15.100 I really think that that is for, for men, especially, I think that is the key.

00:04:19.860 Find the most challenging task or activity, endeavor, pursuit that you can possibly manage

00:04:25.900 based on where you are right now. As long as it's meaningful, that's what we should be pursuing.

00:04:31.460 Yeah. And that will give you reps, build up confidence, generate some momentum,

00:04:38.260 some learning, and all those things kind of happen once we start taking those necessary steps.

00:04:44.260 And you'll feel good about yourself. Yeah. That's, that's the key is that you'll actually

00:04:50.280 feel good about yourself. Yeah. You'll get reps and you'll get better and you'll improve and you'll,

00:04:54.620 you know, build up a skillset, but you'll just feel better about yourself. You got up this morning

00:04:59.960 and the first thing you did was hit the alarm and you slept in a little later and you didn't go to

00:05:04.620 the gym, which is what was your first, actually the waking up was your first commitment to the day.

00:05:08.740 You didn't go to the gym. You didn't do your workout. Or if you did, you kind of did it

00:05:11.860 haphazardly and you came into work and you kind of dinked around and you didn't do your to-do list.

00:05:16.860 And then this evening, you know, you're going to sit on the couch for a couple of hours. You're

00:05:20.280 going to ignore your family. You're going to ignore taking care of yourself. You're going to go to bed

00:05:24.000 too late. You spent three hours probably in traffic to and from work. Like in what part of that day

00:05:31.680 do you get to feel good about who you are? Yeah. None of it. None of it.

00:05:37.000 And you kind of shouldn't. No, not even kind of. Absolutely. You should not feel good about that.

00:05:42.100 Like you're, I don't know what our commitments are. And look, I'm not pointing at fingers. I fall

00:05:46.820 short of my commitments, but you know what? I feel like shit when I do. Yeah. It leads to long-term

00:05:51.180 problems. Well, at least we're not on these mics lying to ourselves saying, oh no, no, it's okay,

00:05:56.020 Ryan. Right. Like you, you, you did what you could do, man. Yeah. You know,

00:06:00.840 did you though worry about it? Don't worry about it. Yeah. So I think that's the, that's the key

00:06:06.900 now, whether we do it or not, you know, that's maybe a different discussion. Uh, but I think at

00:06:11.000 the end of the day, all of us know, and I think most of the questions we probably get

00:06:16.400 probably have some element of that at its underlying root. Totally. We'll see. What are the

00:06:22.040 questions for today? Should we get into it? And I think it's important to note, like, what are the

00:06:25.860 repercussions if you don't, or what, what opportunities you're leaving on the table when we don't and get

00:06:30.660 present to that? I think, I think it can be powerful anyway. I like these questions. We

00:06:35.740 got some good ones. So we got some ones, some questions from the foundry, which, which is our

00:06:40.480 membership, um, of the iron council. It's the, the software we use within the iron council, uh, just

00:06:47.660 currently closed, but we'll be open to the iron council soon. So if you're interested in joining

00:06:53.200 with us, go to order of man.com slash iron council. And then we have some questions from the Insta,

00:06:58.220 from the gram, the gram at, at, you said that you, you talked about the, the iron council, like,

00:07:05.040 like a robot or like AI. Sorry. Yeah. It's the membership. It's the membership in the software

00:07:11.280 that we use. I'm like, well, I know I said the foundry. So I was referencing the software.

00:07:17.300 Yeah. Sorry. I'm like, Kip is usually way better at this. Yeah. You know, hit stop. Let's we'll start

00:07:24.080 over. The foundry is the software we use for the iron council. Join us. We're not where we've been,

00:07:30.060 where we connect and where we communicate and where we have conversations and where we call

00:07:33.440 each other out and we have accountability. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Yeah. The, the, the questions

00:07:37.780 that let's get into it, but the questions that we have in, in, on Instagram, really good questions

00:07:42.180 that are going to make me pretty uncomfortable today. So I'll throw that out there. All right,

00:07:46.740 go ahead. I get a watch. All right. Jonathan bell. You get to participate. Yeah. Every man

00:07:52.320 twist the knife a little bit. Yeah. I'll like add some, some, uh, some twisting to the knives that

00:07:58.040 are already being thrown at you. Yeah. Um, okay. Jonathan bell. Every man has his own Everest that

00:08:03.680 needs to be conquered or dragons that need to be slayed in his life. Or if he is to become the best

00:08:09.320 man he can be while all men have these, every man faces unique challenges, past trauma, bad decisions,

00:08:15.720 or a life that threw you through you a curve ball. What is your advice for men to finally take that

00:08:21.880 first step up the mountain or into the dragon's layer? And if you're comfortable sharing it,

00:08:27.760 what is your own Everest or dragons to be slayed? If you have already conquered it or are in the

00:08:34.000 process, what made you take the first step? Thank you guys. Keep up the good work.

00:08:39.920 So I like Jordan Peterson's explanation of this when he talks about, and I'm paraphrasing,

00:08:45.880 I'm going to slaughter it, but he says something to the effect of you're going to find what you

00:08:51.000 are looking for in the place you least want to look. Hmm. So whatever it is you need in life,

00:08:57.700 if you need to deal with physical prowess, that's found in the gym and you don't want to go to the

00:09:02.380 gym. If you want to deal with emotional trauma baggage from your childhood, or you need that

00:09:06.960 you are definitely not going to want to journal and meditate and reflect like everything that we

00:09:12.080 resist is exactly where the thing that we want resides. Interesting. So isn't that an interesting

00:09:19.020 concept? Yeah, it is. I'm trying to self-evaluate right now. Like what is that for me?

00:09:24.480 Yeah. Everything that you're pushing against, as long as it's a healthy activity and we all know

00:09:28.780 what are healthy and what are not, we are going to resist that. And if we can learn to overcome

00:09:33.980 resisting that thing, that healthy activity, we will find exactly what we're looking for or what we need.

00:09:41.460 They're not always aligned. Yeah. So to answer his question about for me at this point in my life,

00:09:49.880 I really don't want to address emotional concerns. I don't want to address past shortcomings. I don't

00:09:56.880 want to address where I learned certain behaviors and why I adopted those in my life. Like I really

00:10:02.640 don't want to do that. So that's what I should be doing. And I've started journaling. I've talked quite

00:10:08.620 a bit about journaling over the past several months. That has been very reflective and gotten me into a

00:10:12.980 place of understanding that I didn't have before. So that's been good. And really just revisiting

00:10:18.780 why I behave the way that I do. I had a couple of stepfathers and I've been pretty vocal about this

00:10:23.680 coming to my life as a young boy. And I despised those men. I did not like those men. And I've talked

00:10:31.120 about that. And over the past eight months or so, I'm actually a lot like those guys.

00:10:38.620 And I thought that I was rejecting all of their behaviors. I picked all that stuff up.

00:10:46.040 I'm not blaming them. It's not my place to blame. You're an adult now. Yeah. It's up to you. What

00:10:51.980 are you going to do with it? Yeah. So I'm not, I'm just trying to recognize where it comes from.

00:10:56.900 Where does my anger come from? Where does my even passive aggressive nature come from? Where does my

00:11:02.140 ego come from? Uh, where does my reliance on sedating with alcohol come from? Those are all

00:11:08.520 behaviors that those two men exhibited in droves. And that's a lot of where I picked up on that.

00:11:16.200 So I'm trying to, you know, here's an interesting question. I get a lot. I never had a male role

00:11:23.340 model in my life and you know, I'm, I'm 40 years old now. And like, where do I turn? Like,

00:11:28.700 what do I do now? Yeah. That's a question we get a lot. And I kind of am feeling a little bit like

00:11:36.100 that lately. Like, man, did I really change myself into the man that I wanted to be? And the answer

00:11:41.320 is no, because I never addressed the behaviors, even subconscious behaviors and never really got to

00:11:49.280 the root of them. And so I've felt like even subconsciously a perpetual state of boyhood

00:11:53.780 and, and being a man is about confronting reality, confronting hardships and maturing.

00:11:59.220 And for me, my Everest is maturing emotionally. And what I would suggest if somebody is asking that

00:12:05.160 question, which I know is different than the original question is work yourself into the man

00:12:10.580 that you would have needed as a young boy. If there was a better example of a man, what would he look

00:12:17.080 like? What would he have taught you? What would he have shared with you? How, how, how would he have

00:12:21.540 carried himself? How would he have dealt with pressure? How would he have dealt with discomfort?

00:12:26.560 Envision that, think about that, craft that person in your mind and work actively towards becoming that

00:12:32.780 person. And that's the stage I'm at right now. That's, that's awesome. I, you know, what you just

00:12:40.400 said made me think about something I experienced this weekend. Yeah. I had a lot of time thinking,

00:12:46.680 right. When you're working at least, at least for me, when you're working physical labor,

00:12:50.640 I was doing your star Wars audio books or whatever it is. Yeah. Yeah. But so, and yeah,

00:12:57.220 I was doing the floors in, in the, I almost got like three quarters of the floors done on the first,

00:13:01.960 on the second floor of the house. And, and so you're just pounding away. You get a system going,

00:13:07.140 the boys are helping me. And, and I had some nephews there helping me.

00:13:13.260 Helping. Quote unquote helping. Yeah. And, and it was interesting because I caught myself

00:13:18.860 at one moment going, getting pissed, right? Yes. Like you guys are wasting this floor and you're,

00:13:26.160 you're cutting it like 10 times wrong. You know what I mean? Like, just like my natural instinct was

00:13:31.860 get out of the house. You're in my way. My day is now longer because you guys think you're helping.

00:13:38.120 And then on the backside of that, I'm also upset at my wife or even inviting them to help.

00:13:42.660 Bringing them out. Yep. Yeah. Because I'm like, what the, like, just get out of the way. You guys

00:13:46.440 are highly inefficient. This is not beneficial. And I can get this done faster without your assistance.

00:13:52.320 That's my natural instinct. And then I paused for a second and luckily, right. And I thought exactly

00:13:58.400 what you were thinking, like the man I want to be. And I paused for a second. I thought, man,

00:14:03.020 what's the value here that they participated in building this house for them. What's the value

00:14:10.800 for them? Yeah. That they maybe build a little confidence. Like, even though in my mind, they're

00:14:17.720 like, they're not doing a good job at all, but they look at the hallway and go, I helped build that.

00:14:21.880 You know, I did that floor. My dad never lets me do this part. He just tells me to shut up and get out

00:14:28.780 of his way. You know what I mean? And, and, and I don't know, I was happy with, I, that I paused for

00:14:34.360 a second. And I thought, you know what? This floor doesn't matter. In fact, not even this house

00:14:39.940 matters. What matters is us, right? This moment right here, placed before me of this young boy,

00:14:47.480 getting some confidence that he can do something hard and the gratification that someone believed in

00:14:53.600 him, trusted him to try it and got experience. Yeah. And it was, and it doesn't happen very often.

00:15:01.660 I, you know, I don't, I don't want to sound like some saint, but like in that moment, I was, I was

00:15:05.980 really happy with myself. I was like, you know what? That's what this is about. That was the right way

00:15:10.420 to handle that. Yeah. It's not about this house being built perfectly. Yeah. It'd be present. I mean,

00:15:16.680 too often we're not right. But that that's being present in the moment to what's needed. And isn't that

00:15:21.240 what we're trying to do as men is to serve. So yeah, it's going to take you a little longer.

00:15:25.060 It's going to go a little slower. The corners aren't going to be as tight. There's going to

00:15:28.120 be little gaps you don't want that are there. And you know, at what cost or what price or what

00:15:33.000 investment, and there's opportunities for investment. Awesome. Totally. Yeah. And I didn't

00:15:39.780 make that sound like, you know, patting myself on the back. Trust me, the later part of the day,

00:15:44.180 I was just yelling at everybody. So I at least had a moment, but it's, it's part of what you're saying

00:15:49.240 is like, man, what's this bigger, what's this way I should be being really hypersensitive to how we

00:15:55.340 should be showing up. Right. Right. And what it doesn't mean to be a man. So, right. Let me ask

00:16:02.400 you this. I promise this isn't me trying to jab the knife, but, but you said at the beginning,

00:16:07.940 what were those areas that you said are the areas that, that you naturally want to avoid that are

00:16:14.480 those dragon, the, the mountain or the layer of the dragon that you, do you naturally want to avoid?

00:16:21.960 Uh, are you asking specifically, are you asking me what that phrase is?

00:16:25.580 Like you, you gave a, you gave a list. You're like, these are the areas of focus for you.

00:16:29.640 Yeah. Oh, for me personally, um, journaling is something I don't want to do. Uh, sitting alone.

00:16:36.040 I don't want to sit alone. I don't like that. And that's because that's part of being aware,

00:16:41.360 like the, the self-awareness. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to explore that stuff. I just want to

00:16:46.640 white knuckle everything, bear down, get the job done, do everything, got shit to do. I got people

00:16:51.880 to see and all this kind of stuff. Got it. So here's a place I need to look is in being more

00:16:58.300 self-reflective, more quiet, more in tune to where my thoughts are coming from, where my behavior stem

00:17:03.880 from that sort of thing. Got it. And so one of his questions is, you know, what advice for men to

00:17:10.720 take the first step? Like do it. I can't, but what was necessary? I can't, I can't answer those

00:17:17.340 questions like that anymore because like everybody knows I I'm, I'm on it. Like, and I'm trying to be

00:17:23.580 like empathetic, but I'm really tired of answering that question. Like, yeah, you know, I get the

00:17:29.180 motivation. How do I, you know, yeah, no, you just, you just gotta, and there are some things you just

00:17:34.900 need to bear down on. Yeah. I don't, I don't need to tell you what the first step to make hamburger

00:17:40.280 is. Like you got to go get the meat or turn on the grill, whatever you consider the first step,

00:17:44.660 but you got to do it. Like, I don't need to tell you how to get in shape. You just, you, you know,

00:17:48.860 now there's ways that we can look at efficiency and maximize performance and results. You know,

00:17:54.080 jujitsu is another great example since we like talking, well, how do I get started in jujitsu?

00:17:57.700 Really? Just go. Yeah.

00:17:59.280 You can't just Google jujitsu near me. Like that's too hard for you. I just, I get frustrated

00:18:05.840 with that question anymore. And it's not because I'm frustrated with the guys asking it. It's

00:18:09.580 frustrating. It's frustrating because we already know. And I see so many of us just struggling to

00:18:15.420 do the thing that we know we should be doing. And you just, you said it earlier, you just have to

00:18:19.840 make a decision and do it. Guys will say that about journaling. I'll get a thousand responses. Well,

00:18:24.460 how do you journal? What prompts? What the, bro, just get a piece of paper or open up your computer

00:18:29.860 and write whatever you're thinking. That's what I want you to do today. I just want you to write.

00:18:35.360 Or, and part of me, I can't help, but things like get over the idea that like everything that you need

00:18:40.080 to do, you're naturally going to want to do it. Yeah, true. Like that's I, cause I think that's kind

00:18:47.640 of what they're asking, right? Is like, well, Ryan, how do I want to do this? So then that way I can get

00:18:52.920 past the barrier of doing something that I don't want to do naturally. Well, and I think that's,

00:18:57.200 that's okay. That's an interesting question. Like how do I, how do I get past not wanting to,

00:19:02.060 that's a more accurate, that's a more honest question. I think that's really the question.

00:19:07.240 I think. And if that is the question, what I would say is extend your desire, extend it.

00:19:15.160 What you're saying is I don't want to do this right now, but what is it that you want? Okay. You want

00:19:19.680 the body. You want the confidence. You want the whatever. And so how do you get past not wanting

00:19:25.100 to go to the gym? You look at what you want down the road. We talked about this earlier delayed

00:19:29.780 gratification. So yeah, you may not want to go to the gym. You may not want to journal. I don't want

00:19:35.880 to, but what I do want is to know where my behaviors come from. And what I do want is to make sure that I

00:19:41.780 can dress things effectively. And what I do want is that if at some point in the future, I get into a

00:19:46.540 relationship or romantic relationship, I would like that one to be better than the way the last

00:19:51.320 one turned out. I want those things. Those are so important to me that I'll do things today that I

00:19:57.860 don't necessarily want to right now. Yeah. I like it. Step in a Sereta. I have wasted my late twenties.

00:20:07.560 Those were golden years of lost opportunities. And now I'm trying to get back on track,

00:20:12.300 but regrets of lost time are kicking me every day. How do I deal with these regrets?

00:20:17.760 Okay. Another frustrating one. First, you didn't waste anything. Didn't waste anything. Okay. So

00:20:25.720 let's take my relationship with my wife. Was that a wasted 18 years? No. In fact, we had a lot of

00:20:32.120 incredible years. We have four kids that came from it. We built this incredible business together.

00:20:37.400 We have financial assets. We have good memories. None of that is wasted. Even the bad parts aren't

00:20:44.620 wasted because I vividly remember those. And look, trust me, they're not fun to revisit.

00:20:50.440 They're actually really painful. Some of the things that we've discussed in conversations that we've

00:20:55.520 had and things that have been said on back and forth, it's not enjoyable stuff here, but it's not

00:21:01.060 wasted because I'm taking it and I'm learning from it and I'm moving forward and I'm getting better.

00:21:05.900 It's only a waste if you don't use it. And so what did you learn? What did you experience?

00:21:11.260 Even if it's things you learned not to do, what can you use to grow and move forward into the future?

00:21:16.640 As far as getting over the, what was the second part of the question? Getting over

00:21:20.280 is just feeling like he lost all that time. Yeah. And how does he deal with that regret?

00:21:26.580 Right.

00:21:26.740 Like just consider the alternative. The alternative is to not take any lessons that you learned to keep

00:21:35.920 being upset about it, to keep wallowing in it. And then in 10 years, if we're still around,

00:21:40.180 you're going to ask us the same question in 10 years. And now you're 10 years older. Like you're

00:21:44.260 not getting younger, bro. We just talked about the gray hair. I'm not getting any younger, 42 years

00:21:48.720 old. I don't, I don't consider myself old, but I'm getting older and I've got today. I've got this

00:21:55.820 moment right now. That's it. Yeah. You know, here's, here's the, maybe said another way. Here's

00:22:01.980 the simple for formula for you. You're like, okay, awesome. You, you felt like you wasted your twenties.

00:22:09.380 Utilize that as a catapult into showing up so powerfully today that when people go, oh, what did you

00:22:17.020 do you in your twenties? You're like, man, I wasted so much time, but in hindsight, I'm actually happy

00:22:21.700 that I wasted my time. Why? Because it made me get hypersensitive to not wasting time in my life.

00:22:30.000 And now, because the man I am today is because I learned from that lesson. Yeah. That's how you

00:22:37.180 don't regret your twenties. Yes. I agree. There's also a lot of should'ves that we get into. Like,

00:22:42.940 I should have done this. I should have done that. You know how many times I've said that over the

00:22:46.200 past eight months, an infinite number of times, but you know what? I didn't. Yeah. I got to operate

00:22:52.740 in reality, right? I should have done those things. Yes. I should have done certain things. I should

00:22:58.160 not have done other things. Yes. A hundred percent, but I didn't. What happened was, is what happened.

00:23:05.020 And now if it's, I should have done something. Okay. Now I change it to, I will, you know, I should have

00:23:12.060 done this. Okay. Now I will do that. It's learning from, and yeah, we just got to stop living in the

00:23:18.100 past. Yeah. There's some power of letting go of that, you know, those expectations.

00:23:23.980 And, and of others too, by the way, you know, it's like, I think about that with my ex-wife. I think

00:23:29.480 about that with past business partnerships or people that I feel at some point in the past have wronged me.

00:23:35.500 They have their agency, just like I do. Like if I expect for people to honor my decisions,

00:23:41.080 or at least acknowledge that I'm have the right to make my own decisions, they don't have to agree

00:23:46.900 with them, but at least acknowledge I have the right to make those decisions. Then I have to

00:23:50.400 acknowledge that for others too. Right. And so if, if you have a, let's say a business relationship

00:23:56.520 that fell through or went South because maybe you did something wrong, or maybe they did something

00:24:01.200 wrong, but you want to reconcile, you want to fix it. You want to move on, but that person doesn't

00:24:05.300 want to, you're stuck. If you're wrapped up in reconciliation, only coming through the validation

00:24:13.660 of somebody else, because they may never give it to you. And that sucks, but that's reality.

00:24:20.720 They may never give it to you. And that's entirely outside of your control. Not an easy thing to wrestle

00:24:25.920 with, but as soon as we start to learn that people also have their agency and acknowledge the right that

00:24:31.420 they have to choose their own path. I think it frees us a little bit.

00:24:35.920 Yeah. Patrick, call home. How do you think, now, do you think the order of man and the iron council

00:24:43.040 is the natural order of men to commune and learn from each other as opposed to the dystopian nightmare

00:24:50.060 and the chaos that exists today and has always been around and the real natural order of men.

00:24:56.520 I don't know if order of man is the natural order, but I believe it is correct way that leads to the

00:25:01.660 most freedom and prosperity for all. Do you think that he's saying order of man as in order is in

00:25:08.460 fraternity or order as in this is the structure and this is how men should behave?

00:25:13.600 I think it's the idea of men learning from each other like we do in the iron council or listening to

00:25:21.860 the podcast. That idea that men learning from men. Yeah. That is the natural order of things,

00:25:27.820 of course. And that's why we've had so much success. There's a lot of men's movements out

00:25:33.300 there that are all built around a central figurehead and it's very egocentric. And I don't think they're

00:25:39.880 sustainable because there's only one authority. And speaking of natural order, there's only one

00:25:46.800 authority that we have and that's God. So that is the natural order of things is, and this is hard,

00:25:57.400 and this is something I'm learning, especially on my walk more into faith lately is to relinquish some

00:26:03.760 of that control. You have a book over your shoulder called Sovereignty. And it's crossed my mind at times

00:26:11.000 that I, I wonder if I, because nobody was really talking about sovereignty before I wrote that book.

00:26:18.080 If there's a lot of people that talk about it now, you'll hear like Jordan Peterson and others talk,

00:26:21.720 but I wrote that book before any of that. And I wonder if I tempted God a little bit with that one.

00:26:31.360 Yeah. There's a little, I don't think you, I don't think you intentionally did,

00:26:36.140 but I understand what you're saying though. And I'm not trying to like read so much into it. And I

00:26:41.620 don't even know if I really believe that I'm just trying to share my thoughts. I'm like,

00:26:44.860 you know, I, in that book, there's a lot of truth in that book. A lot of things that obviously I

00:26:50.040 believe in, I still believe in. I would say 99% of it I do, but I failed to recognize the sovereignty

00:26:57.200 of God in it. And I feel like maybe that was a little, quite a bit arrogant on my part. Like

00:27:05.600 it's within my control. And I had, no, it's really not. I mean, there's things that we can influence

00:27:12.740 that we can do. Yeah, for sure. It's not our sovereignty. So that's the natural order of

00:27:17.840 things. But yeah, if you were to look at, uh, to go back to the question throughout all of time in

00:27:23.480 history, you know, even talking about from a religious standpoint, you know, the 12 disciples,

00:27:28.720 these guys were friends. They were brothers. They went into challenging and difficult situations

00:27:34.960 together. They were persecuted together. They, they learned and grew together. Um, ancient,

00:27:40.080 ancient tribes learning from and pushing and testing. Then you get into even more modern,

00:27:45.760 you get into the modern military, or you get into, uh, sports and has very much the same feel that we,

00:27:52.940 his men bond together in one of two ways as we're working towards something meaningful.

00:28:00.900 And again, it has to be challenging because it's not challenging. If we're doing, you know, like

00:28:04.440 knitting on Sunday afternoon, that's not going to be a real good way for us to bond. But if we're

00:28:10.280 building, raising a barn, building a house together, like with your brothers and your family,

00:28:16.000 building a house together, that sucks. That's hard. There's things that don't. And so the bonds are

00:28:21.300 tighter, especially when you get to enjoy the fruits of your bond and labor, or you are working

00:28:27.120 against a common enemy. So it could be a war, warring tribe against a team, uh, against another

00:28:33.660 company. I mean, there's all sorts of, or, or it could be against a certain temptation. Maybe it's

00:28:39.360 pornography. We see that quite a bit in, in the iron council. Uh, guys are working to break pornography

00:28:45.040 addictions or alcohol addiction. And so they're bonded together over this common pursuit, which is

00:28:51.040 to overcome the stronghold that temptation has in their life. That's how we, as men work.

00:28:57.800 Yeah. Yeah. And you can't help, but, or I, I can't help, but look at that correlation and then look

00:29:03.720 at the industrial age where the bonding opportunity that existed before then for boys to work with

00:29:11.900 their dads with this common goal of doing what protecting and providing to the, for the family.

00:29:17.780 Right. And what immediate like role and distinction of service that was present. And then father's

00:29:27.040 industrial age comes along. Fathers go off to work. Who is, who, who does a young boy? Who is he

00:29:34.340 banding with in a common purpose and objective? No longer dad. Well, it moved to mother. And then

00:29:41.460 from there it moved to big daddy government by going to the school system. Yeah. So, yeah.

00:29:48.120 All right. We're going to hop over to Instagram, um, to follow Mr. Mickler on Instagram, go to

00:29:52.800 at Ryan Mickler, uh, Danny caught during your transition from the finance world to order of

00:29:59.000 man. You've mentioned that you spent time early in morning and late evenings, working on your

00:30:03.160 passion while working on the regular job during the day. My question is how did you manage this

00:30:08.040 while also not neglecting exercise? I'm currently struggling with keeping up with my fitness and

00:30:14.300 spending the necessary hours to achieve my goal while also neglecting my wife and son just doesn't

00:30:20.220 feel like there's enough hours in the day. Thank you. Kip and Ryan. I did neglect my physical

00:30:26.320 health. Absolutely. So imagine here's the analogy that we've used for balance because this is a

00:30:31.780 balanced conversation. If you're on a surfboard and you're trying to catch a wave balance is a verb.

00:30:37.600 It's not some state you achieve. It's an active process. So if you're on a wave and you want to break

00:30:44.040 left, I'm not a surfer. So like Sean Villalobos and some of my other surfer buddies are going to tear

00:30:48.780 this analogy apart, but if you want to break to the left, cause that's the way the wave is going,

00:30:52.500 then you're going to have to shift. If you're regular footed, you're going to have to shift

00:30:56.960 your weight back in your heel. Yeah. You're just going to have to do that. So would you say,

00:31:02.880 Oh, but I'm neglecting shifting my body, right? No, because your whole goal is to go left.

00:31:09.980 So you are sacrificing shifting forward in order to shift backward so that you can achieve your desired

00:31:18.080 outcome, which is to go left. So it's the same thing in business or in life that, yeah, there is

00:31:25.640 a sacrifice to be made. There is a sacrificial offering for your goals and objectives, and you

00:31:32.480 might not be comfortable with it. And if it's not, you're not comfortable with it. You get to decide.

00:31:37.720 Am I willing to give this sacrificial offering? If the answer is yes, then you have to hand it over.

00:31:43.680 Or you have to, or you can abandon your goals. If the answer is no, then don't pursue something

00:31:48.540 else. And that's okay too, by the way, I'm not here to tell you that what you should and should

00:31:52.860 choose. And it's not my responsibility, but there is a sacrifice that needs to be made.

00:31:58.520 Now that said with fitness. Yeah. Maybe you're used to going into the gym an hour and a half every

00:32:03.060 day, all day and doing all the, yeah, that's of course, that stuff's going to have to be sacrificed.

00:32:07.660 I can't tell you, you can just pull out an extra hour and a half out of your ass. Like it's just

00:32:12.040 not possible in some instances, but are there 50, is there a 15 minute break where you can do some

00:32:17.260 body weight movement? Can you go on a run during your lunch break? Can you dial in the nutrition

00:32:21.940 aspect? So maybe you're not as dialed in with the fitness, but your, your nutrition is on point.

00:32:28.040 And these are the decisions that you can make that will allow you to drive forward and still maintain

00:32:32.480 health while you're turning left because that's your priority in the moment.

00:32:37.580 Yeah. And what's interesting, right. It's like, what causes people not to do this?

00:32:42.580 Well, it's not ideal, right? It's not the way I'd like it to be. It's not a gym. I have these

00:32:48.560 expectations of what this should look like. And when that's not aligned, I'm going to let me throw my

00:32:53.460 hands up. You know what? Just screw it. I don't have the time. And then we don't do anything.

00:32:58.980 Right. Well, in reality. Yeah. Good.

00:33:00.800 That goes back to what we were saying earlier about like, are you willing to actually put forth

00:33:08.800 the effort? Are you really willing to do what's required? You know, it's not, yeah. You don't want

00:33:15.400 to do that. I know, but what do you want more? And if you don't shift your fitness stuff, then what

00:33:24.620 you're saying, and I'm not judging by the way, but what you're saying is that my goal of starting this

00:33:29.200 side business is not as important as my gym stuff. There's your decision. That's cool. Now live with

00:33:35.320 it. But if you're saying to me, no, the business is very, very important. Show me let's, let's find

00:33:43.220 out. I used to say, well, the universe will know God will tell God will test that. He'll say he'll,

00:33:49.840 he'll give you little challenges and ask, are you ready? If you pass this, then you're ready.

00:33:55.500 Yeah. And if you don't, you're not, and that's okay. It really is. But you do need to acknowledge

00:34:00.140 it and be truthful about it. I really like that analogy. And I've heard you share that before.

00:34:04.880 And the reason why I like it is I use that for fuel. So I get, I get agitated by, to be frank,

00:34:13.500 stupid things, things that are, are not critical. They're not highly important, but they bother me.

00:34:20.300 And one, one internal dialogue that I like to think about when that happens is if I can't deal

00:34:26.780 with this, with the right attitude, then I can't deal with more important things with the right

00:34:32.300 attitude. Right. And that really helps me go. Yeah. I want to take on more in the world, but I

00:34:37.740 can't deal with a four-year-old really. Yeah. Okay. Well then I'm not ready for that other stuff.

00:34:43.520 Yeah. Like this, this is where I'm at right now. This is what I need to deal with now.

00:34:46.720 This is where growth is. And once I learn that, then I, I can do other things. Right. But I have

00:34:52.360 to address these small things. And we always think that we're going to rise to the occasion,

00:34:56.060 right? Like, Oh, well, if I had this opportunity, I would know we would all fail. Right. Cause we're

00:35:01.360 not ready for it. Right. I talk a lot about this from a money perspective, actually. People be like,

00:35:06.360 Oh, you know, if only I made 200,000 a year, then everything would be fine. It's not true. I've,

00:35:12.560 I have found it not to be true. You're going to be just as much debt, just as stressed out.

00:35:16.620 If you don't know how to manage the 60,000 you make now, once you learn how to manage the 60,000

00:35:22.340 you have now paying off debt, setting money aside for taxes, living within your means,

00:35:26.120 then next year, I promise you next year you're going to make 80. Yeah. And yeah, there's all

00:35:31.040 things that we can do to increase our, I'm not talking about that. I'm saying now you're ready

00:35:35.120 to make 80,000. And when you make 80 and prove that you're competent with 80,000, now you're ready.

00:35:40.480 Like now there's an exception to that. And the exception is momentary windfalls in the financial

00:35:46.740 world. It might be an inheritance or the lottery. And if you haven't developed the skillset, then we

00:35:51.900 know statistically that you're going to blow all that money on dumb things and you're going to give

00:35:55.800 it away because people are asking for it. You're going to pay too much in taxes and you're going

00:36:00.280 to be right back where you were within a handful of years. Yeah. Yeah. So much, so much opportunity

00:36:06.620 to learn and grow with what's exactly in our laps right now. Right. If we just take, take advantage

00:36:13.220 of it. Well, that's like, when we talk about the business stuff, it is like, I'm not happy with my

00:36:17.280 business. I'm not satisfied in my business. Get satisfied, be happy, like work harder, develop a new

00:36:24.920 skill, like use that time. And it's so ironic. And it's also frustrating that the minute you become

00:36:31.960 satisfied with your current employment, another opportunity arises. Yeah. It's the same thing

00:36:37.540 with women. Think about this with women. I bet as a, as a, as a married man, you, you get more

00:36:43.940 opportunities with women than as a single dude. It's like, why does that happen? Why does it happen

00:36:49.460 that the minute that you get hitched, that all of a sudden there's these other, you're like,

00:36:54.220 whoa, what's happening right now? It's, you're not needy. You're, you've proven that you're capable of

00:36:59.340 building and developing a long-term relationship with somebody. And that energy is recognized by,

00:37:05.240 in this case, women. Other women. Yeah. Right. Totally. Um, did you, what questions did,

00:37:12.500 is there particular questions you want to cover on Instagram or just going on? There's a lot of

00:37:17.060 divorce related questions. Okay. Bring them on. Let's talk about them all. All right. Baker,

00:37:22.900 Zach, 1922. I'm going to ask this with all due respect. You are so excited. I just, uh, yes. I

00:37:30.920 want to see you suffer. I'm just joking. No, you know, you know, this man, I know no one, everyone

00:37:35.680 knows I'm joking. Hopefully no, you've been a good friend and a big support. And I do want to

00:37:39.720 acknowledge that. I hope I've acknowledged that privately, but I think other people do need to

00:37:43.900 know like how big of a friend and good support you've been. Oh, thank you. Um, got a little awkward

00:37:50.440 there. You want to hear, let me send you that emoji thing on the, like, uh, is there a reaction

00:37:56.520 here? Here we go. Perfect. There you go. I hope that records on YouTube. A little sparkly heart

00:38:04.760 for me. Does it go away or does it stay up there the whole time? It might just be like a long-term

00:38:09.420 heart. Okay. Jeez. Good. Distracted. Okay. Here we go. Sorry. Okay. I'm going to ask, uh,

00:38:18.000 with all due respect to you, Ryan, and please allow me to explain why I'm asking, but I'm

00:38:22.040 curious if at all, at some point in the future, you plan to publicly address in more detail,

00:38:27.040 the specific problems that you've led to your divorce. I'm a huge fan and believer of, of

00:38:32.220 you, Ryan. I've messaged you privately to express that. I asked this question not to be intrusive.

00:38:37.660 I personally would never want to subject myself or my personal problems to the harsh environment

00:38:43.040 of the internet. Uh, you've already shared a great deal and I respect you for that, but I think I

00:38:48.640 speak not only for myself, but other listeners of your podcast. When I question the details surrounding

00:38:55.280 your divorce and what may have also happened as a result of your alcohol abuse, aside from not

00:39:01.380 showing up how you ought to from the parts of your life you gave made public. I think it was safe to

00:39:07.440 assume that your marriage would be strong enough to withstand a lot of adversity. It leads me to

00:39:12.860 naturally speculate on the details. I don't like to do that. I don't want to do that. I just want to

00:39:18.360 understand better as a married man. I am curious and I may learn and hopefully avoid a similar mistake

00:39:24.800 in the future. I appreciate your message very much. I mean, no disrespect by offering this question

00:39:29.680 to the group. I understand if those things will be kept private indefinitely. Yeah. Well worded.

00:39:35.360 Um, well it's a, it's a thoughtful question. Uh, and here's how I would say it is that I've

00:39:42.520 been pretty vocal about my own shortcomings and I've been pretty adamant about my responsibility

00:39:50.600 in the demise of our relationship. Um, I don't think I've pulled punches. I don't think I've held

00:39:57.180 anything back. Yeah. I have not got into the specifics because frankly, you don't need to be

00:40:02.820 sitting in on the conversations I have with my wife. Like, yes, I am a public figure. I acknowledge

00:40:07.420 that. Yes. I have voluntarily put myself in the public eye. I acknowledge that, but also I have

00:40:13.840 a private life and I respect, but she hasn't. Right. And that's what I was going to say is that I

00:40:19.980 respect my wife, ex-wife that I'm not going to get into those conversations. In fact, one of the

00:40:26.220 commitments that I've made to myself is that you, you will not hear me. This is a decision

00:40:32.180 I've made. You will not hear me talk about what she should and should not have done.

00:40:37.280 You're not going to hear that. Now you might hear general things of what I think a husband

00:40:41.220 and wife should do for each other. You might hear some of that, but you're never in a million years

00:40:45.720 till the day I die going to hear that she should have done this. She should have done that.

00:40:50.980 If only this, if only that, you're not going to hear that from me because that is number one,

00:40:56.720 I respect her and her privacy and I want it to remain that way. That's important for me because

00:41:01.840 we still do have children together and I still do care about her. And number two, that's not my

00:41:08.460 responsibility anymore. I hate to say that, but it's not my responsibility to decide what she should

00:41:15.900 and should not have done. It's not. What's my responsibility is to acknowledge what I should

00:41:23.480 and shouldn't have done. And to be very general about it, I was an angry person. Alcohol magnified

00:41:31.900 that for me. I was very stressed out with the thought that I had to present this certain image.

00:41:41.260 And it was nice to be able to drink and alleviate myself of that pressure temporarily. Those were all

00:41:48.960 really good things, but it got out of hand very, very quickly. And I was angry and I was impatient and

00:41:56.000 I would yell at times and I would put people down. I would make them feel less than I wasn't listening

00:42:06.120 very well. It was a lot of like interpersonal communication stuff that just, it just was

00:42:11.960 horrible. I was horrendous the way I was showing up. Like not a hundred percent of the time, but

00:42:18.680 it was a large percentage of the time, especially if I was drinking. So I would say this, and I know

00:42:26.840 that you're asking the question with the right intent and I'm trying to give you a sincere, genuine

00:42:30.760 answer. But I would also say, be very careful of making assumptions because you said that it seems

00:42:38.060 like, you know, you guys had everything figured out and she would just get over the drinking or she

00:42:42.540 would just get over this, or she would just get over that. And I've had a lot of people say that,

00:42:46.400 well, no wife leaves because of that. There's something else you don't know. You don't know you're

00:42:51.900 operating on faulty assumptions. You're filling in the blanks that you don't know. You haven't sat in the

00:42:57.820 hours and hours of conversations that we've had. And I'm only saying it doesn't bother me too bad

00:43:03.940 because I can't control the way you feel. But the only reason I'm saying that is because we need to

00:43:08.000 be careful of operating based on assumptions because we don't know. A lot of people have assumed that

00:43:15.280 there was infidelity. I can confidently tell you that that was not an issue. So check that one off the

00:43:21.320 list because a lot of people have questioned that. So yeah, there's my answer. Be careful of

00:43:27.780 assuming because you don't know. And I'll share generally and broadly as much as I feel comfortable

00:43:34.700 with sharing as much as I think will help. And I feel like I've done that, but there are certain

00:43:39.460 conversations, certain discussions that will remain private, of course. Yeah. And the assuming is

00:43:45.900 important too, because I think we get into comparison traps or we think like, well, so-and-so's

00:43:51.440 wife doesn't. And it's like, you don't know. You assume that even wives are exactly the same or

00:43:58.280 that there's too many variables and factors and we need to not be, it's really a form of lazy

00:44:07.440 thinking, right? It's like, we need to be a little bit more critical and realize all the different

00:44:11.880 variables that come into play and human personalities and histories and experiences. And it's not as

00:44:18.240 simple. It's just not simple like that. But the reason that it's important, let me give you an

00:44:22.740 example to help clarify that. It's a silly little small example, but I think it'll illustrate the

00:44:26.820 point. I got on the phone with my oldest son the other day and he seemed upset and he wasn't,

00:44:33.120 I thought he was upset. He wasn't talking to me. It was frustrating to me. And I responded in a

00:44:40.620 frustrating manner because I was assuming that he was upset. Well, he wasn't upset. He was distracted.

00:44:46.100 He was in the middle of doing a project. That's why we don't assume because you just,

00:44:51.980 or I just made the problem worse because I let my own insecurity slip in, which changed the way I

00:45:00.920 would have responded to it, which created a bigger wedge than needed to be there.

00:45:05.280 Yeah. And probably did make him upset. And that ended up being a self-fulfilling prophecy.

00:45:09.740 Exactly. So that is one thing I'm trying to be very careful of. I'll give you another example

00:45:17.940 though. I got yesterday, a guy reached out to me and this actually addresses another question I saw,

00:45:24.960 but he got on the, he got, he got on Instagram and he sent me a message and what he had said was like

00:45:31.360 hit so close to home because he's going through a similar thing. And I just decided to give him a

00:45:36.080 call. I don't, I don't know. And we've never talked. We've connected, I think on Instagram,

00:45:39.300 we've never talked, but I called him on Instagram and I just talked with him. Like I didn't want to

00:45:45.480 assume what he was going through. I just talked with him, asked him questions and shared my own

00:45:49.200 perspective. And that was good. You know, it was, it was good. It was an opportunity to serve.

00:45:55.260 I didn't have to jump to conclusions about what he was or wasn't dealing with. And there was no

00:45:59.580 pressure for me to perform or to coach him a certain way, or for him to ask me the right questions.

00:46:05.160 It was just a conversation. And that's, man, that's really powerful when we get to that point.

00:46:09.300 What's next? Okay. All right. I got another one here. Why does nothing I achieve feel enough?

00:46:18.420 I look at anything and I see it as well enough could do that. Nothing special.

00:46:24.940 I don't know. I have the same problem. Why does anything I do never seem enough?

00:46:31.240 Maybe anyone could have done it, right? Anyone could done it. It's not special that I was able

00:46:37.360 to. Well, that I don't, I don't think that's, that's okay. I think like, cause I think there's

00:46:44.300 truth to that. Well, there is in culture and society really tries to make things out to be

00:46:51.220 bigger than they are. It's like, congratulations. You went to work on time. What? Like that doesn't

00:46:56.320 deserve a congratulations. Congratulations. You completed the project effectively. Well,

00:47:01.780 yeah, that's what I paid you to do. Like that isn't special or unique. So I think there is a

00:47:07.100 big push in society to make everybody feel special about things that really aren't all that important.

00:47:12.260 But I do wonder if the reason we don't feel fulfilled is because we're chasing the wrong things.

00:47:16.900 You know, I have an idea. If, well, let me, let me, let me finish this thought right here.

00:47:22.100 If you're pursuing the wrong things, then any metric of achievement isn't really

00:47:29.560 all that important to you. It's just not, it's not significant. And then we get so hung up in the

00:47:36.180 final destination that we forget that the journey is really where the value is. And if you can do

00:47:44.780 something forever because of the intrinsic goodness of the thing, you're going to be a

00:47:50.160 significantly better human than chasing the next bright and shiny object. So if we're going to dumb

00:47:57.340 down this example a little bit, the guy who goes to the gym, because he just likes going to the gym.

00:48:04.680 He likes exercising his body. He likes being strong. He likes being capable. He likes the way he looks.

00:48:10.120 He likes the energy. He likes the people he works out with. That guy is going to be in better physical

00:48:17.520 health than the, than the guy whose only reason for going to the gym is because he has a, a race

00:48:25.480 coming up. I'm not saying that guy can't do it. I'm not saying that's even bad motive for doing,

00:48:29.500 for going to the gym. It's great. I'm just saying it's not sustainable. And as soon as that thing is up,

00:48:34.300 then it's like, well, now I got to find the next thing. Why aren't we fulfilled in the moment? That's

00:48:40.160 the question we should be asking yourselves. Why aren't you fulfilled in the moment? What are you not

00:48:45.100 doing that you could be doing that would allow you to be fulfilled presently, not at some distant

00:48:51.280 date or achievement? Yeah. Hmm. I read this question. Let me read this one part. Why does nothing

00:49:01.100 I achieve feel enough? Well, anyone could have done that. And the reason why is because you think

00:49:08.800 that the things that you're doing is going to fill the gap of feeling like you're enough.

00:49:16.020 Yeah, I agreed. And that's not the problem. And in fact, I would argue that everything that you do

00:49:21.700 will not be enough because that's not the problem. The problem isn't that you're not achieving things.

00:49:27.920 The problem is that you generally don't think you're enough period. Enough for what though?

00:49:35.560 Enough based upon internal dialogue that he's probably been carrying around the majority of

00:49:41.340 his life. And, and, and I do think what I'm saying is like enough. I'm using enough for,

00:49:49.420 and I don't, we can't assume, right? We just talked about that. Yeah. But enough for what?

00:49:53.400 That's something to explore. Yeah. When I hear that language, what I'm, what I'm picking up is when I

00:50:00.480 don't feel like I'm enough, it's good enough to be loved and good enough to be appreciated

00:50:06.420 for the people in this, in your life. And, and the reality of it is like, if that's our mindset,

00:50:13.600 mindset, then we're, we're going to marry a spouse and guess what? She's not going, you, you're not,

00:50:20.920 she's doesn't matter what she does. If you don't think you're worth it and you've carried past trauma

00:50:27.640 or whatever else into your life, it doesn't matter what she does. It doesn't matter what you achieve

00:50:32.740 in life. If you're looking for those things to fill that gap. And, and we're talking about something

00:50:38.260 much different than just, you know, completing tasks and being successful in life. This conversation

00:50:45.460 is not about that. I don't think. Yeah, I agree. It's hard though, because we do talk a lot about

00:50:52.100 that. You have to be a better protector. You have to be a better provider. You have to be a better

00:50:56.580 provider. Like those are all fulfilling things. So on one hand, it's like, you should be pursuing

00:51:01.380 excellence. You should be pursuing developing new skills, proficiency, mastery. But on the other

00:51:08.940 hand, as a, as the worth of your soul, I think we need to have a better relationship with God in that

00:51:16.400 aspect. Yeah. Like, Hey, you are, I don't think we're deserving of success. I won't say that. I think

00:51:25.120 if we got what we deserved, I heard the sermon at church yesterday and it was really good. If we got

00:51:29.500 what we deserved, we would all be in an eternal hell. So it isn't about what you deserve. If

00:51:35.700 you're going to fight for, I deserve the promotion. I deserve to be loved. I deserve this. I deserve

00:51:40.080 that. Well, what you really deserve is to live in eternity in hell, like the rest of us. It was a

00:51:45.080 really interesting concept. So if you're going to fight for, you deserve the good. You're also fighting

00:51:49.320 for, you deserve rightly the bad. Yeah. Well, I'm not talking about what we deserve and don't deserve.

00:51:55.680 I think we need to get away from that language and that thought, but you are worthy of, I think

00:52:00.120 is a better thing. You are worthy of excellence. You are worthy of pursuing something meaningful.

00:52:07.420 You are worthy of having a great relationship with somebody who loves you. You are worthy of

00:52:12.940 raising your children. You're worthy of all these things. And now we just need to mirror that

00:52:19.140 person. We could be the worth of who we are as souls with our actions and get those things aligned.

00:52:25.680 Hmm. Yeah. I like that. Uh, Simon, Tony for how to stay consistent with one vision.

00:52:34.220 Thank you for everything that you do. Well, I think your, your vision should be a little dynamic.

00:52:39.400 Think of it so rigid that it's going to be hard for you to stick to it because things in your life

00:52:45.640 are going to change external circumstances, internal feelings, things that happen along the path are going

00:52:51.140 to change. And if your vision is so stiff and brittle, it's going to snap at the slightest little

00:52:57.780 inconvenience or redirection. So that might be a little bit of what's happening here is that

00:53:05.240 you're getting stagnant. It's getting boring. You're not maybe that interested in it anymore.

00:53:10.680 And that's okay. Your vision should change then. I'm not saying we just change it willy nilly whenever

00:53:15.140 we feel like it or things aren't working out. I'm saying that if like the vision no longer applies,

00:53:20.300 then we've got to adapt. I'll give you an example of that since we're being honest about all of,

00:53:25.480 all of, uh, my wrongdoings here is my vision has always been to be a great husband.

00:53:32.920 Well, guess what? That's not in the cards today. It could be in the future. Yeah, sure. I imagine

00:53:39.800 at some point it probably will, but it isn't now. And so my vision has changed from good husband,

00:53:46.120 good father partly to, well, scrap the good husband. Now I want to be a good partner and

00:53:52.720 still a good father. And so my vision of being a good partner with my ex-wife for her and for our

00:53:58.940 children changes the way that I behave and show up at rightfully it should. Totally. So your vision

00:54:05.520 changes and we've changed, right? Like, can you imagine if I held onto the vision I had at age

00:54:10.980 30, I'd be like, idiot, stupid vision, right? Like I'm not even the same person, right? So it needs to

00:54:18.080 evolve with us. Of course. I've had people say, you know, well, you know, Ryan, you're saying this now,

00:54:22.900 but three years ago, you said that on a podcast. Oh, right. That was three years ago. Of course I think

00:54:29.820 differently. And I'm not saying I'm even, I'm even better in a lot of ways. I just think differently.

00:54:35.740 Some things I've nailed down a little bit better. And some I've taken a path way off where I should

00:54:40.920 have been, but we're human. And so we learn and we evolve. Like we are actually changing. You're

00:54:48.920 changing as a result of listening to this. You and I are changing as a result of having these

00:54:52.880 conversations. Totally.

00:54:54.440 If you are saying the same thing that you were three weeks ago, let alone three, 10, 15 years ago,

00:55:01.720 what in the world is going on?

00:55:04.220 Yeah. Not a good sign. Yeah.

00:55:05.780 Yeah.

00:55:06.700 Alex Gibbs eight. My job has a potential strike coming up in August. I have the savings set aside

00:55:13.140 already, but what are some other things I may not be thinking about that I need to do to prepare

00:55:18.780 additional context? I have a wife, three girls underneath the age of eight.

00:55:24.440 I would go back and listen to Friday field notes. He said it's coming up when he thinks a strike

00:55:29.280 in August. That's so weird. I don't, I don't understand the striking thing. I got it. You're

00:55:35.520 planning a strike. I know. Yeah. It's like, we're going to plan a strike in August, August. I mean,

00:55:41.940 you're clear. You're not that upset about what's going on then. That's a long timeline to plan out.

00:55:47.300 Yeah. Weird. Hey, we're going to strike in six months. Why? What's happening in six months?

00:55:53.000 To all credit, we're laughing, but like you're talking to also to two West coast guys that are

00:55:59.520 like, we don't have unions out West as much as other parts of the world. So I, whenever I hear

00:56:05.700 like union things, I'm like, what are these guys talking about? Yeah. They're more prominent

00:56:09.780 manufacturing. Is that why? Yeah, I think so. I mean, the trades and the trades usually have a lot

00:56:16.460 of unions, but they're not prominent as, as prominent out West. That's such a weird thing.

00:56:21.880 To me, that's just politicking. Like, I don't know the details, but I would, there's backroom

00:56:27.100 deals that are taking place, politicking, jockeying for more money from your union bosses.

00:56:31.260 That's what's happening. Let's, let's change it. So his job may be at risk

00:56:35.520 six months from now, he has good savings. What are the things, Ryan? Why are you,

00:56:40.440 why are you taking me off of the subject of unions? That's what I want to know.

00:56:43.820 I just want to get some good content for Alex here. I just do not understand you.

00:56:50.220 Okay. So what, what I would do is what I was going to say is go back and listen to

00:56:54.740 Friday field notes from last week, because I talked about starting a business. That's what I would say.

00:56:59.920 You've got the money set aside, be good, be good frugally, financially, get your wife on board,

00:57:05.280 cashflow stream, things are going to change that kind of stuff. But you've got six months or whatever,

00:57:09.880 whatever the timeline is to maybe create some additional revenue. And there's some pretty

00:57:13.800 good strategies and tips in that last Friday field notes. Okay. Uh, let's see, Andre,

00:57:19.500 you're union, aren't you? You're union Kip. No, that's why you wanted me to stop,

00:57:23.940 stop talking about it. Yeah. You're talking bad about unions. You're going to hurt my membership.

00:57:29.160 Uh, what's your current, uh, belt color in jujitsu? I'm a Andreas wants to know blue belt

00:57:34.880 represent. He has a black belt. He won't say it. So I'll say it. Okay. Next question. Fan. What

00:57:42.780 role do you think religion and faith has in being a man and racing children? I think it's crucial.

00:57:50.300 I haven't, I haven't always been great at this in my life, but I think it's crucial. Again,

00:57:55.020 it goes back to the natural order of things. Like if we're not, if we're not leading from a place of

00:58:01.480 universal and powerful time-tested eternal truth, then we're building our leadership capacity on a

00:58:08.560 faulty foundation. So if we're building it upon man's word, well, it's flawed. Like if you guys

00:58:15.460 placed me, for example, up on some pedestal, I didn't belong. And in light of what's going on in

00:58:20.740 my personal life, if everything around you crumbles, that's because you built your, your life

00:58:25.700 or, or your wellbeing on a man. And that's not good. We need to build it on eternal truth. And

00:58:33.660 then if that's the case, then we can be principled people and we can make decisions based on not what's

00:58:39.000 expedient today, but what is good over the eternal length of our existence. And you can make that.

00:58:46.320 I've talked about this expanded time horizon. What's the maximum time horizon you can expand

00:58:50.920 eternity. Yeah. So if you're faced with a difficult decision today, for example, with work and an

00:58:57.980 employer's asking you to do something that goes against your ethics or morals, if you're like,

00:59:02.140 Hey, I got to put food on the table and that's your only concern, probably going to make a compromising

00:59:09.880 choice. If on the other hand, you think about the eternal perspective, then this is a very

00:59:16.140 small part in it. And the way that you show up actually matters. So if you look at all of the

00:59:20.920 greatest martyrs to ever exist, and this could be Jesus Christ or, or, you know, maybe Martin Luther

00:59:29.740 King, obviously there's controversy in men. Okay. I know, but you look at martyrs, what did they do?

00:59:35.380 They died for what they believed in. They believed in it so much that they said, I'm willing to give my

00:59:42.940 life. It's so principled. I'm willing to give my life because what you're asking me to do,

00:59:48.300 I cannot live with myself. If I do. Yeah. That's pretty powerful. That's conviction. That's an

00:59:56.160 eternal perspective. Yeah, totally. Dex Reese, what's the best. And I like this because it lines

01:00:04.000 up to the conversation earlier. Maybe I should have snagged this question earlier, but what's the best

01:00:08.860 between what's, he says, what's the best, but I think he's looking for a different word here.

01:00:14.680 What's the best between God's sovereignty and a man's responsibility? How do they both coexist?

01:00:21.020 Yeah. Ultimately God is sovereign. He's, he's in control and authority over everything.

01:00:26.740 And we are players in the game and we have a duty and responsibility to play the game correctly.

01:00:34.960 Yeah. We have a duty and responsibility to serve other people. We have a duty and responsibility

01:00:39.520 to show up powerfully. We have a duty and responsibility to make ourselves very capable.

01:00:43.140 We have a duty and responsibility to serve others because that's what he's asked of us.

01:00:49.260 Yeah. Totally. And it's, and it's his, it's his game board. We're just pieces.

01:00:54.380 Years ago, years ago, I had a conversation with one of my older brothers and we're, we're talking

01:01:01.840 about, I mean, this is probably like even 20 years ago, talking about a difficulty of strengthening

01:01:07.720 our testimony in, in God and, and believing in God. And he, this was his conclusion, but he says,

01:01:17.780 you know, Kip, I think we Sorenson boys struggle with this concept because we missed having a father

01:01:28.960 involved in our lives. And by having a father in your lives, it helps you understand God better.

01:01:36.380 Yeah. Because so when we have good dads, then we can see God that same way and say, okay,

01:01:42.540 I get that. And, and that's one of the most powerful ways that I always connect to that concept

01:01:49.020 is like, I just like a dad, right? Give you my boy agency. Why is that so important? Cause I,

01:01:57.220 I see value in him struggling with that, right? Like, Hey dad, I really want my blanket. You know,

01:02:03.220 this literally happened yesterday. He left his blanket, like his, he sleeps with a blanket at night

01:02:08.060 and he left it, doesn't know where it is. And he's crying. And I'm like, Hey, you got to get that

01:02:14.140 blanket. Well, I, I really want it. I'm like, okay, I'll help you. Where do you want to go?

01:02:20.240 Oh, look downstairs. It's not downstairs. All right. Where else could it be? It's in the car.

01:02:25.160 I don't want to go outside. Well, if you really want that blanket, you don't get the blanket.

01:02:28.420 You're going to have to go outside, but I'll go with you. Okay. Let's go outside. Right.

01:02:33.960 And by the time we couldn't find the blanket, he decided he didn't want it anymore because it wasn't

01:02:40.380 worth the price. Right. Like he, he didn't want to go keep looking in other cars. He didn't want to

01:02:46.740 go look out in the backyard. Like it, you know what I mean? It was like, okay, you know what? I don't

01:02:51.360 need it. Yeah. And I, and it was a great opportunity for me not to rob that from him. You stole his

01:02:57.500 blanket. Didn't you? I actually did not. I had no idea where it was. I did. I did selfishly did not

01:03:03.760 want to go look for that blanket. So I'm like, you little sucker, if you want this thing, you're

01:03:07.660 going to have to get it. But, but there was opportunity there and it was great. And he, agency,

01:03:12.900 I didn't force it. Agency. He said, you know what? I'm going to go to sleep without that thing.

01:03:19.860 And it was his call. I didn't command and control. It was a choice for him that I luckily had the

01:03:26.220 right mindset not to rob. Yeah. There isn't that's really powerful. There's, there's another thing I was

01:03:32.400 thinking of here. And then if you have some time, I want to get into some of those divorce questions

01:03:36.160 because I think it's actually going to help. Let me scroll down why you do that and I'll find some

01:03:40.000 more. Okay. The other thing I was going to say about believing in God and his sovereignty is that

01:03:46.800 when things aren't going well in your life, it's good to know that it all can be used for good.

01:03:56.500 Because if you didn't believe that, I think it had, you'd have a really hard time wrestling with

01:04:01.160 the trials that life has to offer, whether they're by our own making or external circumstances,

01:04:06.780 it would be really, really difficult to deal with that. But knowing that he's going to use,

01:04:13.800 I'm not saying he's going to manufacture events, although he can, I believe, but he's going to use

01:04:18.920 events in your life for good. And what that allows a person to do is to see it differently

01:04:27.740 and behave differently. It allows you to see your circumstances on a longer term

01:04:32.480 and to see it with a glimpse of hope and not entirely despair.

01:04:39.640 Yeah. I like it. There's a couple, I got a couple of good ones here. All right. Ryan Daniel Moran.

01:04:45.040 How has going, not Moran. Moran. Yeah. I know, right. He's a good dude. Okay. I just don't want

01:04:53.260 to call him Moran. Did I say Moran? Moran. Sorry, Ryan. Okay. How has gone through a divorce

01:05:03.000 changed the way you view other areas of your life? I've thought about some of these questions

01:05:09.240 because I saw them ahead of time. This one's a good question. It has given me a new sense of empathy

01:05:14.700 that I don't think existed before, especially for people going through the same situation.

01:05:19.720 I just told you a guy messaged me on Instagram. Normally I would, I don't know, write something

01:05:23.800 back that wouldn't be all that profound or direct him to a podcast or something like that. But I

01:05:29.980 decided to take a more personal approach because I know what he's dealing with, know what he's

01:05:33.920 experiencing. And so that's allowed me to show up in a more powerful way for people than I think I

01:05:40.120 have been able to in the past because of my ego and arrogance. I can see, I can see people a little

01:05:45.600 differently. I'm, I'm way more forgiving and understanding of even just behavior in people.

01:05:53.700 Like I was driving down the road today and I failed to merge correctly onto the freeway. It's

01:05:57.980 my fault. I failed to merge correctly onto the freeway and a car behind me honked at me. And it was

01:06:03.720 this like soccer mom in her, in her white minivan and she raced past me and flipped me off. Normally

01:06:09.080 I'd be like, yeah, flip her out and do the whole thing back. It's kind of funny actually, but I'm

01:06:14.340 more light that way. Like, I don't, I don't care about, I don't know. Maybe, maybe she has to go pick

01:06:19.340 up her son and take him to the hospital because he broke his leg. I don't know. That's probably not

01:06:24.480 true, but it's not out of the realm of possibility. And so doesn't thinking that allow me to have a

01:06:29.740 better attitude towards life. Absolutely. So I see that people are really struggling with

01:06:35.680 certain things and I don't need to be judgmental. If people are being, you know, assholes, for

01:06:42.260 example, you know, we get a lot of that on social media. It's like, I don't know what that person's

01:06:45.760 dealing with. I have one example. One time I had made a post, this was years ago about working hard

01:06:50.880 or doing something and staying in the fight, something like that. And this guy wrote back and

01:06:54.260 he's like, come on, bro. All you do is, you know, sit around on your computer and ship orders. Not that

01:06:58.960 hard. Some of us are out here working 12 hour days, just being kind of a dick. And I wrote back

01:07:04.620 and I said, Hey man, like first I commend you. Sounds like you're doing awesome work. This was

01:07:11.160 a moment of clarity. They didn't have them very often back then, but I'm like, Hey, I commend you.

01:07:15.820 You're doing awesome work. Not all of us work the same or do the same job, but I don't think it's wise

01:07:21.960 to compare your hardship towards mine and vice versa. We're all dealing with different things. I said

01:07:26.380 something like that. And months and months later, I didn't think anything of it. Months and months

01:07:31.380 later, he wrote me back and he's like, Hey man, I wanted to apologize. I said something on a post

01:07:36.020 months ago about, and he apologized. It's cool. And it was cool. It was really cool. I didn't judge

01:07:42.940 him at the time. I, again, it was a momentary glimpse of clarity for me at that time. And I didn't

01:07:48.340 judge him, but he was really going through some stuff. If I remember correctly, I think he had just got

01:07:52.960 laid off or something was going wrong at work. So it's like, that's what we need to do a better

01:07:57.060 job of. Yeah. You know, I've, I've had a crazy, like super mean, I actually didn't reply. I was

01:08:04.420 just like, okay, this guy's having a bad day and no joke. Like three weeks later, Hey, really sorry

01:08:10.480 about that. I was having a really bad day. I was lashed out, you know, appreciate you guys. And I'm

01:08:16.340 like, Oh, good thing. I didn't retell you. You know what I mean? It's like, it would have never

01:08:21.060 been helpful. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Um, another way that it's helped in my life is I'm,

01:08:26.560 I'm definitely a better father than I've been in a long time. Yeah. Way more present with my kids

01:08:31.840 and not just one of them, all of them, you know, uh, way more present with them, way more focused on

01:08:38.560 them. Uh, it's definitely, I've definitely had to be more efficient with my work schedule.

01:08:45.100 That's, that's a silver lining. Like I still get the same amount of work done if not more,

01:08:49.120 but I'm way more efficient and effective because of the schedule and picking up the kids and dropping

01:08:53.300 them off and taking them here and making dinner and taking care of the house and doing all the

01:08:57.340 things that used to be two of us. Now it's just me doing half the time. Yeah. That gets to be a

01:09:02.260 struggle. So I've had to learn new ways of being efficient, learning new skills, like cooking some

01:09:06.560 of this stuff. So it's impacted a lot of my life in, in like, obviously not a way I'm grateful for,

01:09:13.000 but in a lot of ways, like it's going to make me a better person. It really is.

01:09:18.160 Yeah. Matt, Nick of how do you not let resentment and feelings of betrayal influence your communication

01:09:26.040 with your ex-wife? This is a conversation I had with the gentleman yesterday because he was feeling

01:09:31.440 that. And of course, of course, that's going to come up. Yeah. But, and I don't know your wife.

01:09:40.000 And so I can't really assume, but here's what I know is that my ex-wife is an incredible woman.

01:09:47.640 And at times I might feel that way. And if I feel that way, because I know her, I've been with her for

01:09:54.580 20 years since we were kids. I know she's not making decisions just kind of like randomly flippantly

01:10:00.420 and just kind of willy nilly and not really considering all of the, the angles and perspectives

01:10:05.480 on this. Yeah. Like, you know, I'm trying to afford her some grace in what she may be experiencing.

01:10:15.840 You know, it's, it's hard. Sometimes we think, well, you know, this is what she wanted. So like,

01:10:20.420 she's getting what she deserves and she's got it easy. I don't think she has it easy.

01:10:25.200 Yeah. She's struggling too. Of course she is. Think about the changes in her life.

01:10:30.260 And that's what I try to remember is I try to put it in the context of what she might be experiencing.

01:10:36.700 And that, I think that would be harder. I know that would be harder if you had somebody who was

01:10:42.700 vindictive or manipulative or angry and contentious with you. I don't have that. So speaking to that

01:10:49.400 wouldn't be something I could speak to from experience, but it's just a decision. I think

01:10:54.640 you said that earlier, like I'm not going to allow that to happen. I'm not going to say it doesn't

01:10:59.040 come up. It does. Of course it does, but I'm just not going to allow it to occupy much of my thoughts

01:11:05.680 and instead replace that with thoughts of care, thoughts of concern, thoughts of partnership,

01:11:11.800 thoughts of what's long-term in the best interest of our kids, just better thoughts that I'm deliberately

01:11:17.040 deciding to pursue. Yeah. I failed at this when I first got divorced 100%. Like I was bitter. I was

01:11:27.280 pissed. I was angry. It wasn't until I actually got present and had some empathy for the struggle,

01:11:36.280 the suffering and the pain that she was experiencing. And really in essence, it's just

01:11:42.060 understanding. It's understanding that like back to almost what we said earlier, understanding people,

01:11:49.020 right? Like they're going through hardships. Does she feel neglect? Yeah, probably. Does she feel

01:11:54.780 lonely? Does she feel like she wasted her life being married to me and now look at her and now how she's

01:12:02.820 supposed to move on with, with two boys and no guys ever going to want to marry her. And who knows what

01:12:08.680 stories that she's come up with and how this is aligned with never being good enough in her life.

01:12:15.020 And, and, and she's just lashing out because she's felt hurt. There's a lot of power in me having some

01:12:22.360 empathy and understanding. Uh, and, and in essence, once we get to that point, not only can we, can,

01:12:29.260 can we see them for who they are, but we can also like have some compassion and, and properly let go

01:12:37.120 because the other side of this is if we hold onto that resentment and that feeling of betrayal,

01:12:44.100 you're not letting go of that relationship because you're using that resentment and betrayal to

01:12:49.240 justify your current state of being. And, and you're going to perpetuate that story and that

01:12:56.140 victimhood in essence forever. And that's going to affect future relationships. So you want to let go

01:13:03.400 it properly. You got to let go of that resentment and betrayal. Yeah. I'm glad that you said that

01:13:08.360 because I think there's probably a contingent of men who listened to this podcast. You might,

01:13:12.580 as we were talking about that, be rolling their eyes and shaking their heads and saying things in

01:13:16.220 their mind of like beta and cuck. You don't know my wife's a bitch and she, that, and she did this

01:13:20.680 and she did this and she deserves what's coming. And there's probably a contingent of men like that.

01:13:25.400 And I, I understand that. Okay. I, I do. I understand that, but easier path.

01:13:33.540 Maybe now it's easier, right? This goes back to the delayed gratification thing and,

01:13:38.620 and lengthening out our timeframe, maybe easier. It's now it doesn't get easier. I think if we

01:13:42.900 behave that way or back to makes everything worse, I think. Uh, so what I would say is that

01:13:51.300 it isn't a beta move to be empathetic towards other people, even if they're mean and nasty and

01:13:59.720 vindictive. I'm not saying you need to expose yourself to it. I'm not saying you need to open

01:14:04.540 yourself up to be hurt more than maybe you already are. I'm saying it's not a week or a beta or a pussy

01:14:10.500 move to be empathetic. In fact, you use the word powerful. I would suggest that it's powerful.

01:14:16.740 We talk a lot about sovereignty. I would suggest that doing that is way more powerful. It takes

01:14:24.680 way more courage and it takes way more strength to behave with kindness and empathy and class

01:14:32.260 when that person maybe isn't entirely deserving of, of that. And I want to be clear. I'm not saying

01:14:40.160 that about my situation. That's not what's going on with my situation. I'm explaining a situation I

01:14:44.580 hear a lot about. Yeah. That to me is, if we're going to use the term beta, that to me is an alpha

01:14:51.100 move because you're taking control of your life. You're taking control of your thoughts, of your

01:14:58.320 emotions and of your freedom moving forward. And that's the most powerful thing you can do.

01:15:03.060 Not let somebody you hate have more rule over your life than they ought to. Yeah. Lone Papa,

01:15:11.160 how are you managing the grief of losing your marriage at this point?

01:15:17.040 That's a hard one at times, not always, but at times it is. I do try to maintain what I have,

01:15:24.640 what I still do have. And I've got four incredible kids. I've got a pretty decent relationship with my

01:15:31.080 ex-wife. We've got the business that we've built and assets, and I've got learning experiences.

01:15:36.740 Um, but yeah, sometimes like I'm just sad and, or like might even cry for no reason. Well,

01:15:44.380 what I think, like, why am I crying? And if you want a good resource on this, I would suggest look

01:15:50.460 into Jason Wilson. He has a lot of information on this, but sometimes we do just need to cry and

01:15:55.720 that's okay. There's, there's, it's a time that is appropriate and a time where it's not,

01:16:00.060 but there are times that are appropriate and you do have to do that. One thing I'm being very aware of

01:16:05.380 is making sure that I have activity activities and friendships that I can maintain, but I'm not

01:16:11.380 using those as a sedation method for feeling sad. Cause that's, I could do that. I could just

01:16:18.520 occupy myself with friends and activities and projects and events and travel that doesn't allow

01:16:27.200 me to process the sorrow and sadness. And so when people ask, I think anyways, when people ask,

01:16:33.100 how do you overcome feeling sorry? What they're saying is I don't want to feel sorry anymore.

01:16:38.480 So what can I do to shut it off? And I would suggest that maybe the best thing that we can do

01:16:43.240 is let it play out so that we can get over it and move on with some confidence. Not now, not today.

01:16:52.180 That's not the season, but at some point it will be.

01:16:54.900 Yeah. Yeah. I like it. You want to do one more?

01:16:59.620 Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought right now, or you have a minute or what?

01:17:03.300 Pretty close. I got, I got probably about one more question.

01:17:05.820 Let's do it. Let's do a fast one.

01:17:07.660 All right. What advice would you give someone struggling with self-confidence and what others

01:17:13.700 perception of him is? Others perceptions of you go away when I'm just going to refer to a previous

01:17:20.460 question. When you align your actions with your sense of worth, if your actions are out of integrity

01:17:28.260 or you don't believe you're worth anything, then you're always going to be seeking validation from

01:17:32.660 other people. So you got to fix one of those two things or both. You have to either have to start

01:17:37.760 believing that you're worthy of the best in life. Not again, not deserving of it, but worthy of it.

01:17:44.220 Yeah. And then you have to be doing the things that move you towards that. If you hit those two

01:17:47.980 things, the opinions of other people are significantly less relevant because you don't need it. I don't

01:17:53.020 need somebody to validate me. And that's a place to be. Yeah. Can I answer just one more Kip on this?

01:17:58.660 Yeah, for sure. One more. So somebody asked a question about, and I'm just paraphrasing that,

01:18:03.640 how can I still do this? And is it tainted? And they're asking in a sincerity, like when you don't

01:18:10.720 have this figured out, but you're giving advice and is that going to affect or change? And should

01:18:15.400 people still listen to you? Something along those lines. Yeah. Valid question. Valid question. And

01:18:21.280 what I would say to that is that I'm going to be honest. I'm not going to tell you things that I

01:18:27.060 don't know. I'm not going to say that I have things figured out that I don't. All I can do at this

01:18:31.660 point is say, here's what I would have done differently with the information I have now.

01:18:36.620 Here's what I wish I would have done. Here's what I'm actively doing to work on. And that's the thing

01:18:41.560 I'll share with you. So I can't share with you that I know how to have a successful lasting relationship.

01:18:47.640 Clearly that's not the case. I can't, I'm lying. If I tell you that I thought that I did, but I

01:18:52.380 realized that I did not. So I'm not going to make claims that aren't true. And I'm going to just back

01:18:58.660 in truth. And you can take from that what you will, if you decide that, oh, that's valuable.

01:19:05.320 Great. And if not, I understand. But there was another part of that question, if I remember

01:19:11.080 correctly. And he's like, is the mission tainted or the message or the mission tainted? No,

01:19:16.940 it's not at all. Am I? Same mission. Yes, I am. Yes. Like I, my influence is diminished,

01:19:25.400 but is the mission? No, because the mission is not me and I'm not the mission. I'm the messenger

01:19:33.500 and I failed to implement everything I shared with you in an adequate way in my own life.

01:19:39.040 But does that make it any less true? Ask yourself that if I apply everything that Ryan has been

01:19:46.220 talking about or somebody else, maybe that you follow, is your life going to be better? And the

01:19:51.020 answer of course is objectively. Yes, it's going to be better. That's separate from whether or not I

01:19:58.600 was always able to live up to that. So yeah, I'm my influence in credibility is diminished,

01:20:05.840 but the mission and the message still on point and your life will be better. I hope that makes

01:20:10.360 sense. Yeah. No, I think it totally makes sense. There's a lot of trust to build back up. So yeah,

01:20:15.740 when real, right. And that's, what's nice about it. And it's no smoke and mirrors. You know what I

01:20:22.400 mean? Let's yeah. And I think we've always did pretty true to that of like saying, saying it the way

01:20:27.660 it is and, and not, Oh, you know, being around the bush. So I appreciate it at least one thing I

01:20:34.480 wanted to share, uh, guys, the battle planners, uh, which I've got mine right here because I look

01:20:38.800 at it every day, but the battle planners are back in stock. So, and available. So if you go to

01:20:44.400 order of man.com slash T W E P 12 week battle planner, it's order of man.com slash T W B P.

01:20:52.260 It'll take you to the store where you can get the battle planner and you can get inserts as well.

01:20:57.880 Excellent. Sounds good. And then like we mentioned earlier, uh, to learn more about the iron

01:21:02.280 council, order of man.com slash iron council. And of course, connect with Mr. Mickler on Twitter

01:21:06.900 and Instagram at Ryan Mickler. Thank you, sir. Great conversation. As always appreciate you.

01:21:13.220 Great questions, guys. I think we have some leftovers, so we'll get to those next week,

01:21:16.340 but until then go out there, take action. Let's become a man. We are meant to be.

01:21:20.700 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:21:25.060 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

01:21:32.280 Thank you.

How to Get Over Resentment Towards an Ex, Faith's Role in Fatherhood, and Aligning Your Actions with Your Worth ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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