How to Get Yourself Out of a Rut, Doing the Work of Your Shadow, and Re-Establishing Trust With Your Wife ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 4 minutes
Words per Minute
186.65579
Summary
In this episode, we discuss the dark side of who we are and what we need to do about it. We also discuss some of the tools and strategies we can implement in order to free ourselves from shame and guilt.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up man? Great to see you. I already told you I'm not
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feeling like my normal self today, so I'm going to put it on your shoulders. You didn't know this,
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but I'm going to put it on your shoulders today. I'm going to be your sidekick, and you're going to
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carry the weight of this discussion today, but I'll be here to help and tell you when you're wrong,
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okay? Yeah. Well, I'll try to bring the heat, but as long as you answer that, you know, there's so
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much value to you answering the questions first. Like when we record solo, it does come up with
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some extra added pressure to come up with the response first versus when you go, I could just
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add to what you're doing. So as long as you still do that part, I should be okay. I can do that. I
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don't know how coherent it will be, but I can definitely do that. And then you can fill in the
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blanks and translate for everybody what in the world I'm saying, because like I said, it might
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be weird. So let's get after it. Okay. So we're going to field questions, a couple from the Foundry
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and then also from our Facebook group. To join us on Facebook, go to facebook.com slash group slash
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order man. But before we get there, let's discuss some questions from the Iron Council. John McKenzie,
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he says, what are some things you've done to embrace your shadow and reclaim pieces of yourself
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that were within it, championing those parts and turning them from elements of shame or guilt
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to elements of strength? Well, let's back up a little bit. The reason he's even bringing this up
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is we're actually talking about this as a monthly topic inside of the Iron Council. We're talking about
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shadow work, getting to know yourself, leading yourself, freeing yourself. And a lot of this is
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influenced by my good friend, Connor Beaton. He is with Man Talks. He also wrote a book called
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Men's Work, which is a great book. And also what's cool about Connor is he was gracious enough to join
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us in the next couple of weeks on a Friday call. So I try to get the authors that were inspired by
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into the Iron Council to speak with us for about an hour on a particular subject or an area of
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expertise. I just talked with John Deloney. He wrote a book called The Non-Anxious Life.
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He's with the Ramsey Solution team. He said he's going to come on in the next several weeks.
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So that's kind of an added bonus of being in the Iron Council. But we're talking about men's work,
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shadow work with Connor Beaton. What have I done? I mean, look, I've got all sorts of demons. I've got all
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sorts of shadows. I've got all sorts of darkness, just like all of us do. I don't think I'm unique
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or special in that. Addiction is something that runs not only within me, but it runs in my family.
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My father was an alcoholic, a drug user. So there's that. And we all know that that's generational,
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right? Studies have suggested and proven that some of these things are generational curses that
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we as men should break. I really like what Ed Milet talks about, about being the one. You're
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the one who could break that curse if you decide to be that one. So that is what I'm trying to be.
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But we need to embrace that. If we hide and we pretend like it doesn't exist, if we bury our heads
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in the sand and pretend as if we're perfect and have everything figured out, then we'll never address
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the dark side of who we are and what we have the potential to do. And I'm not talking about
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positively, but negatively, leaving a wake of collateral damage in our path. I was watching
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Rise of the Guardians with my children this weekend. And the boogeyman is the evil one in the show,
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if you guys have seen it. And he represents fear. And once everybody acknowledged, there's a little
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kid and he says, I think it's played by Jude Law is the boogeyman. And he says, aren't you afraid of
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me? Or do you believe in me now is what he said. And the little kid says, I believe in you. I'm just
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not afraid of you. And I think that's the point that we need to get is that we need to believe
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and embrace that there is a dark side. There is a propensity for violence. There is a propensity for
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addiction or alcohol or drug abuse. There is a propensity to want to strong arm or even manipulate
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other people or even just be hurt by what people say because of the way that we interpreted the way
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that our parents potentially spoke to us. The more that you can get familiar with these things,
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the less scary they are because it's just part of life. You aren't alone. You aren't anybody that
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hasn't gone through anything before. So for me, it's about embracing where my narratives come from.
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When I talk about abandonment, for example, I felt like my father didn't care about me.
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And so I think about that a lot. I write about that. I've got my journal right here. I journal
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about it. And I become intimately familiar with that part of my story because now looking back,
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my father passed away about five years ago. I actually don't think that's the case at all.
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I actually believe my father loved me. I think he probably, if I had to guess, and I am just
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guessing, that he probably would have appreciated a deeper, more connected relationship with me.
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I think he probably would have wanted to be closer to me. I think that in a different set of
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circumstances, he probably would have wanted to put the booze down and the drugs away and
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been an engaged father. I look at it now in my own personal situation where
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I'm a single father, you know, and I don't think that I don't, I'm not happy that I'm not with my
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kids half the time. I'm not satisfied or comfortable with the idea that I don't have the
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kids all the time. I mean, sometimes it's nice. I can take a weekend and go do whatever the hell I
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want because I don't have to worry about my kids because they're with their mom. But I would much
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rather trade that than to be with them forever all the time. Absolutely. So I'm seeing life through
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a different lens as I get older now and realizing that what I thought was real wasn't real. And it
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was stories that I was creating to keep myself safe. And I think once you realize your own humanity
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anxiety and where you fuck up and where you mess up and where you fall short, it allows you to give
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some grace to other people that you think maybe slighted you or did you dirty. And so, yeah, I try to
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embrace that so I could know like, hey, Ryan, you have an addiction issue. Ryan, you have an
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addictive personality. Be very, very careful about the substances that you consume, whether it's
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all the chips and salsa in the world or going out with the buddies and saying, hey, let's have a drink.
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I don't have drinks. Like I don't have, hey, let's have a drink. That doesn't compute for me. It's like
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if I'm having a drink, I'm having all the drinks and I need to be aware of that. So even with this
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podcast, when I go in, I'm all in. I mean, Kip, we're at almost, I want to say we're at almost,
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I think we're at over 1,100 podcast episodes at this point. When I go in, I go all in.
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And so I need to be aware of that. And I can't be aware of that unless I'm journaling about it,
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reflecting on it, thinking about it, and then really asking myself, are the negative stories that
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I told myself or the negative lessons that I learned from past experiences real or were those
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just defense mechanisms to keep me safe as an innocent child? And typically it was to keep me
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safe. Yeah. They were just your interpretation of reality is all. The only thing that I think
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for John's question that I think is insightful is when I think about this, one of the more powerful
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things that I have to remind myself is that it is what it is. And sometimes those stories and those
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interpretations or that shadow, it's not going away. Right. And so sometimes we have a tendency
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to get on this bandwagon and go, Oh, here it is. Okay. Now let's get rid of it because it's bad.
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Right. And, and then, and then, and then we can't get rid of it. And it's like, no, no,
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the idea is to understand our past, to understand these triggers, to understand these things
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that we have, and then be effective with what we choose to do with them, you know, and how they
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play a part in our lives. But if you go around thinking something's wrong with you because of
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this, then you're going to even beat yourself even up more because you can't get rid of it. And,
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and I don't, and I haven't finished the book. So I don't know if he, if he suggests the opposite
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that you actually get rid of this stuff, but I don't think you do. I don't think you get rid of
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the default feeling of abandonment. I don't think you get rid of those things. Now, what you do is
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you shorten the time between interpretation and reaction and you go, Oh, I know where this is
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coming from. I'm going to make a conscious choice to do what's effective for me. But, but to say,
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it's just going to magically go away. I don't think that's going to be the case. And I, I don't think
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it's the same thing with addictions and other things. They're probably not going to go away.
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So we have to deal in reality and realize that's kind of our makeup of what we're dealing with.
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And then, and then choose appropriately. I, I also, I agree with that. And, and I also think
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that the shadow part of our lives there, they aren't, I don't know that they're necessarily
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wrong. I think they're just behaviors that are taken to the extreme, right? So for example,
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let's take pornography use, let's say a man engages in excessive pornography. Is that wrong?
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Yeah, I think it's wrong because you're objectifying women. And, uh, obviously there's,
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there's, there's an entire devious, you know, trade that's associated with that. It's wrong.
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Yeah. So let's scale that back a little bit. So somebody who engages in pornography use is being
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lustful, right? And typically if we're talking about heterosexual men, they're lusting after
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women's bodies taken to a less extreme, it means they're attracted to women. Is that wrong?
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No, absolutely not. That's not wrong. That's natural. You know? So it's, it's a natural,
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it's a natural response to a woman's body that I find attractive that Kip, I'm sure you find
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attractive. And every man listening to this finds attractive. It's just taken to an unhealthy extreme.
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Um, if it's, if it's, uh, gluttony, you know, you can look at the seven deadly sins, right? If it's
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gluttony, it's an excessive eating or excessive use of resources taken to a lesser degree. Uh, it,
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it could be that you're worried about scarcity. Maybe you grew up without any food in the house. Maybe
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you grew up without any possessions. And so now you have some, and so you just binge on all of this
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stuff is, is, is it unhealthy to want in the absence of need? No, I don't think so. It's just
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taken to the extreme. So I think we, as men ought to be careful of the extremes and find healthy
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outlets. If you're lusting after women and you're, you're cheating on your wife, uh, or you're watching
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porn, maybe that's a conversation that you need to have with your wife and say, Hey hon, I'd like to
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be a little bit more adventurous in the sack because that's done in a healthy, respectful way.
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If you grew up without any resources and now you're binging on food or other things because you have the
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means and the resources to do it, maybe it's, Hey, you know what? I'm going to create some food
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storage. That way, if there's ever any problem, I have food available to us, but I'm not going to
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just binge on it all right now because I have this scarcity mindset. So I don't think it ever goes away
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to your point, Kip. I think it's just, our job is men to regulate it. Um, I was driving down the road
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the other day and I accidentally cut somebody off. I didn't mean to, but I accidentally cut them off.
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I didn't even see them. And the guy races around and he, you know, flips me off and honks the horn.
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And it's like, you know, I, he, he was in like this little blue, little, little, little rice burner,
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this little like race car. Like I could have swiped his car and ran him off the road, but instead
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it's like, okay, you know, yeah, I cut the guy off. He flipped me off. So what? Like really? So what?
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That means nothing in the grand scheme of things. So regulation, I think is a big part,
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but also knowing yourself and knowing what you have a propensity to do, uh, will help you temper
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that. And I think that's what makes a man, a man, you know, my, uh, my son the other day,
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my youngest, he's seven years old. He got mad about something. What did he get mad about?
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He got mad because he couldn't, what did he, what did he want to do? I can't even remember what he
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wanted to do. He's, he's like, dad, I want to do this. And I said, no, oh, he wanted to play on
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the PlayStation. I said, no, you can't play on the PlayStation. We're working right now. You've
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been on the PlayStation. You're not doing that right now. He ran inside and he threw a damn
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temper tantrum. And you know, we laugh. It's like, oh, it's funny. I kids, kids are dumb. We all do it
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as grown adults. We do it differently, but we do the same thing as adults. So anyways, all right,
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Jarrett Silverback Storl, my business is thriving and calls from new customers keep coming. The issue
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that I have, how do I scale my business? That it's, that is only one technician himself. The labor
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market is depleted on skilled labor. The hourly wages wanted to be substandard technicians is crazy
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high. What would be the first place to look to scale? Well, okay. So I would do two things. I would
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scale. I would work to scale. I'd work to bring somebody in, um, that, that you could teach that's
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coachable. I, I, when I'm looking for somebody to hire, I'm looking for somebody who has a propensity
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to do the work. Like they have the mindset, the skillset to be able to do the work, the potential,
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I'll say they may not have done it, but they have the potential to do it. Uh, and then I, the,
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this is the most important. In fact, when, when coaches, athletic coaches compliment my children,
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the best compliment I could ever receive from a coach, do you know what it is? Kip,
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what would it be for you? I want to know if it's the same for you. For me, it'd be like work ethic
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and grind. Like I like that to work hard. Like, okay. So I would have an element of coachable in
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there if that makes sense, but it's, it's their willingness to do the hard thing that mine is
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coachability. Yeah. So we're in, we're, we're in the same path. If, if a coach ever wanted to
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compliment me about my child, the thing that I take to heart is that they're coachable.
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If a coach says, Hey, I love your son. He's the most coachable kid I've ever coached. I'm like,
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I'm winning as a dad. That, that means more to me than he's a hard player. He's a good player.
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He made that certain tackle or he's, or even that he's talented. Oh, he's talented. That's
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going to win. That's not going to be enough eventually. Right. Yeah. So if he says he's
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coachable man. So when I'm looking for employees, I want coachable people. I want, I don't need
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somebody who can do the job exactly. Right. I need somebody who can learn the job and do it well.
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Yeah. Uh, so if you're, if you're looking to scale, do that. If you're not in the position
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to scale, because you don't think you can find good employees, number one, you're not going to
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find good employees if you don't think you are. So that's a limiting belief. And I used to have that
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nobody can do it as good as me. Nobody is good as out there. You know where all the good employees
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are. They're already working. Yep. Like they're already busting their asses in different jobs. So what I,
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what I did, so my background is retail management. So I worked in buckle clothing store for a lot of
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years. And one of the things my manager told me as she was teaching me how to become a manager
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is she says, Ryan, we never want to hire somebody we don't already know. And you should always be
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recruiting. So I would go, part of my job is I would go around the mall and I would go to different
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stores and I would see how sales associates treated me. And if they treated me well, and they were
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attentive and they helped and they served and they did a good job, then that was somebody who I'm
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like, Hmm, this person's interesting. And my, my manager, her name is Stacy. She's an incredible
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manager. She's a great human being. Uh, she years earlier, I was working at journey shoe store.
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So this is like, this is like right out of high school as I was a mall rat and I wanted to work
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at buckle. Cause I was a young kid, all the attractive girls shopped at buckle. I wanted to
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Is this at Redcliffe back the day? Redcliffe small. Yeah. Yeah. So I, this is where all the
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college girls went. I'm like, I want to work at buckle. Of course I want to work. And I went in
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there to apply and she said, no, she, she didn't give me a job. So it's like, damn. So I went back
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to work at journeys and eventually worked my way into a leadership position and became the manager of that
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store. After I became the manager of that store, she came up to me and she says, Hey, Ryan, I really
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want you to apply for the management development program at buckle. And I said, what? Like I applied
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two years ago. You said, no, she's like, yeah, that was two years ago. Now you know what you're doing.
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And so I went and applied at buckle and I got the job and it was a great job. You know, I was able to
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start with that store and I opened a different store in Orem. And then eventually they gave me,
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gave me my own store in Southern California that I opened up and I love the job. And I learned a lot
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from her, but she says, you're always going to be looking to hire people. You already know. That's
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what she did with me. She already knew me. She watched me for two years. For two years, she watched
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me. She watched me get the training and everything that I needed. And then she hired me because she knew
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I already had that, that skillset. So the good people, they're not, they're not on like zip recruiter.
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Okay. Like that's not where the good people are. The good people are already happy and satisfied
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with where they are. You need to figure out why maybe they're not totally satisfied or see if you
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can offer them something else that they want. So that's part of the question. The other part of
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the question is if you can't do it that way, or you don't want to do it that way, then start cherry
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picking. Think about what your job is and all the calls that you get and don't take all the calls.
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If you're a, let's say you're a, I don't know, let's say you're a plumber and somebody calls
00:20:20.760
and you're like, Hey, my toilet's not working. Okay. Well, here's Joe Schmo. We don't do those
00:20:26.280
jobs, but here's Joe Schmo. And he does those jobs and Joe can pay you a commission because you
00:20:33.080
refer to somebody. So Joe can pay you a hundred dollars for every referral you get or whatever
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the deal is. But let's say somebody comes in and says, Hey, I have a major leak. I think the main
00:20:43.840
line from the city water to our house broke. Okay. That's a job that you take, right? Like now you're
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in the position to cherry pick and you should be cherry picking. You're going to take the big jobs.
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You're going to take the high paying jobs and then all the other little jobs about, Hey, my toilet's
00:21:03.060
not working or the faucet broke. Okay. Joe Schmo gets those jobs. He gives you a referral, but you
00:21:10.460
maintain your time for the big jobs that pay well where you can actually, you know, make some, some
00:21:18.200
actual serious money on the jobs. Totally. Without knowing what the work is that, that that's a couple
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of suggestions I would give. And it's funny when you said cherry pick, I thought you meant cherry pick
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what you delegate. So that's the other thing to consider Jared is like, yeah, true. You know,
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right now you're thinking like, Oh, I need a technician. Well, maybe, maybe, or maybe you need
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a part-time person to do the billing. Maybe you need someone to run sales for you. So then that way
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you're not spending the time doing those lines and that that's where you delegate first. Right. So maybe
00:21:45.260
look at different ways to delegate. The other thing is, especially in the early phases, you know,
00:21:51.060
you might need to cherry pick and identify how you grow someone, right? You're, you're amazing. You
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obviously think you're amazing. Your clients think you're amazing. You're good at what you do. Okay.
00:22:02.000
Well, now how do you scale and mentor someone that you can bring in at a lower salary, ensure that
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their work is quality. They have the right work ethic and they're coachable and focus on that. So then
00:22:13.380
that way you're not out trying to find seasoned resources initially. So you can scale that way as well.
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So maybe just look beyond just the technician and then look at ways that you could possibly even
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bring in like a junior resource that you can mentor and coach up at a lower rate. And then you can scale
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from that perspective and maybe even get that person to a position to do the same thing that you did for
00:22:35.500
them. Yeah. I think, as you're saying that Kip, I think about investing. When we, when we think about
00:22:41.340
investing financially, we think here's a, here's a stock that I want to buy, right? Here's a, here's a big
00:22:48.800
stock I want to buy. And I've got $10,000. So I'm going to take my $10,000. I'm going to dump it into
00:22:55.480
that stock and you're going to lose $10,000. When you do that, that $10,000 is no longer yours to
00:23:02.600
have. It's now vested in that stock. And you need to hold that for a period of time. Hopefully you
00:23:08.240
realize again, what you're doing when you invest is you're making a sacrifice because you could have
00:23:13.200
taken that $10,000 and you could have done a remodel on your kitchen. You could have taken your family
00:23:17.980
to Disneyland, even though that might cost $20,000 these days. I don't, I don't know how much Disneyland
00:23:23.720
is, but you could have done a whole lot of other things with that $10,000, but you sacrificed by putting
00:23:31.220
it into this investment in anticipation for something, a future return. Last night I was putting up, don't
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judge me guys. I was putting up a Christmas decoration. It was like a blow up Santa with
00:23:43.220
reindeer. Don't judge me. I know it's November 15th. Okay. So don't judge me, but he's excited.
00:23:50.560
Yeah. I'm excited. My son's excited. And so we're putting this damn blow up thing out in the yard
00:23:57.260
and it's not going the way I want it to or whatever, you know, and I'm all pissed off and bent out of
00:24:01.760
shape because I'm putting up Christmas decorations. It's like Clark Griswold, you know, it's like,
00:24:06.200
you know, you're all excited and it just doesn't work and it just gets pissed off. Right. Yeah.
00:24:11.800
And kids aren't listening. And yeah, this isn't for you. Damn it. And so I'm putting this blow up
00:24:19.320
thing and, and my youngest son's like, dad, can I help you with it? And if you have a seven-year-old
00:24:25.420
help is a euphemism for be a pain in your ass. Yeah. Take twice as long, right? Totally agitate and
00:24:35.280
annoy you at the same time. Totally. So I'm like, yeah, bud, you can help. You can,
00:24:40.960
you can help me with this. Yeah. So we're driving stakes in and he's hammering it and he's like,
00:24:47.340
just like barely tapping on. I'm like, just hit the dang thing so we can get this done. You know,
00:24:52.880
it's an investment guys. It's an investment. It takes longer. It's more frustrating. You can do it
00:25:00.260
faster yourself. It could have been done an hour ago, but that's not why you do it. You do it
00:25:06.920
because your son wants to help you with it and he wants to learn a skill and it's an investment in
00:25:11.780
him. And so to your point, Kip, about hiring an employee, yeah, it sucks because you got to train
00:25:18.460
him and it takes time and your employees are going to ask what you think are dumb questions, but guess
00:25:25.160
what? They're the same questions you asked when you were an apprentice. And so you have to slow down
00:25:31.480
and you have to explain things and you have to let them try it, even though they're not going to do it
00:25:36.340
as efficiently as you could, but that's an investment in your business. It's an investment in another
00:25:41.600
person. And I think if you look at it that way, you'll have an easier time managing the fact that
00:25:48.260
it's taking twice as long, costing you twice as much money and really just kind of pissing you off.
00:25:55.160
Yeah. All right. Yokov Sujik, what are ways and tips to overcome mental ruts as quickly and
00:26:05.300
efficiently as possible? Okay. So I've thought about this question a lot. What is a rut? Yeah.
00:26:15.180
Unmotivated. I'm just, I know you're not asking me, but like things that come to my mind or when I
00:26:19.840
feel like I'm in a rut, I don't want to do anything. I feel a little depressed. I'm unmotivated.
00:26:26.600
I feel frustrated. Yeah. Those are ruts for me. Think about, and those are ruts, but let me ask you,
00:26:36.600
let me ask you a different way. What is a literal rut? Like literally what is a rut?
00:26:41.840
A dip, like on a, on a chart of success, it's the low part, or it's a rut in the road that requires
00:26:49.020
effort to get out of. That's what I think. It's a rut in the road. Chip, you and I grew up in the,
00:26:54.780
in, on the back roads of Southern lots of ruts, right? It's like, and, and, and we all know the
00:27:01.120
asshole that creates the ruts, right? Cause the road dries after mud season. And it's like,
00:27:06.220
who's the asshole that drove in here and created a rut and ruined it for everybody else. We all know.
00:27:11.660
Yeah. So what happens if you guys aren't familiar with this, if you're a city folk
00:27:16.020
is you get a snow storm or a wet season, and then it turns into mud. And then some dickhead
00:27:25.380
goes out on the back road a little too early before the, before the mud dries and he just starts
00:27:34.560
tearing up everything. Yeah. And he creates this, you know, six to eight inch rut. Now what's
00:27:40.520
interesting about a rut when the mud dries and it turns to dirt, the rut doesn't go away. The rut
00:27:45.860
stays there. And it's like a track on a, on a roller coaster at Disneyland. You could put your tires
00:27:52.080
in the, in the ruts and you could literally let go of the wheel and you could just accelerate on the
00:27:58.700
gas and the rut will take you where the ruts going to take you. Like it's like, there's no thinking
00:28:06.320
and ruts just going to take you where it's going to take you. Anybody who grew up as a redneck or a
00:28:10.960
backwoods boy knows exactly what I'm talking about. So how do you get out of a rut? You got to pop the
00:28:17.600
wheel out of the rut. You got to, you got to jerk on the wheel a little bit at the right time at the
00:28:21.500
opportune moment and pop that thing right out of the rut. Otherwise you're just going to sit in that
00:28:26.240
forever. And it's going to take you where it's going to take you in life. It's the same thing.
00:28:31.540
We have ruts, right? You do the same thing over and over and over again. And this is scientifically
00:28:38.020
proven. This is like neurology. This is like where Andrew Huberman comes into play. Cause he's
00:28:43.540
significantly smarter than I am when it comes to this stuff, but we create neuro pathways.
00:28:49.780
If we do the same thing over and over and over and over and over again, it becomes
00:28:55.720
easier to do. And sometimes we do it without thinking. Let me give you an example of that.
00:29:00.540
You get in your car, you're ready to go to work. You drive to work, you get to work. Maybe it's a
00:29:07.160
20 minute drive. Maybe it's an hour drive. And you get there. You're like, you think back, you're like,
00:29:11.720
how did I get here? I don't even remember driving here. You were in a rut. You've done it so many times
00:29:17.820
now you're no longer even thinking about how you got to work. Okay. So that's a rut. How do you get out of
00:29:25.220
that neurological pathway? You create a new path. You have to drive a different way. You have to.
00:29:32.900
That's the only way you can do it. So if you're in a rut with a particular woman, you have to do
00:29:39.500
something different with that woman. Stop going to the same restaurant. Stop having sex the same way
00:29:44.900
with her. Stop having the same conversation. Stop telling her the same things. Stop wearing the same
00:29:52.040
clothes. Stop everything about what you're currently doing and do something different.
00:29:57.220
And it's going to feel weird. It might hurt because when you pop yourself out of a rut,
00:30:01.420
it's going to be bouncy and scary for a minute. And it's easy to fall back into the rut if you're
00:30:06.780
not careful. It is. But you got to do something completely different. So what can you do? Well,
00:30:11.560
I like hobbies. I think hobbies are a great way. If you're in a rut, let's say you're used to strength
00:30:17.300
training and you're like, man, I'm just hitting a plateau or this is becoming boring. I don't like
00:30:22.180
doing this anymore. Enough with the gym. Go train jujitsu for a couple of months.
00:30:28.680
If you're doing jujitsu and you're like, I'm just like, I feel banged up and it's not fun or exciting.
00:30:35.200
Go to the Muay Thai class right after the jujitsu class. Most MMA gyms have something,
00:30:40.040
right? You guys probably have some sort of Muay Thai class, but go to the Muay Thai class
00:30:44.160
and learn some striking, right? If you want to learn how to cook or you want to learn how to hunt
00:30:51.880
or you want to learn how to paint or you want to start running or you want to shoot firearms or
00:30:57.920
you want to, one thing I actually want to do is I want to learn how to sew. I have short legs. I have
00:31:03.640
a 30 inch inseam. I can never find pants that are the right size for me. So I'm like, you know what?
00:31:09.760
I just need to learn how to sew. So I, I'm going to buy a sewing machine and I'm going to learn how
00:31:16.500
to sew. You know, that's some guys are like, Oh, that's not manly. I don't, sewing doesn't have
00:31:21.820
genitals. So it's not manly and it's not unmanly. It's just putting up Christmas decoration early.
00:31:29.820
Those might have genitals. There's an exception to everything. Okay. So fine. Whatever.
00:31:38.440
But you gotta, you just gotta do something different. You know, if I'm 20 years old and
00:31:44.020
I'm in this job and I'm like, this job sucks. It's a dead end job and I don't like doing it.
00:31:48.560
I'm 20. I'm going to put three, four, $5,000 in the bank. And then I'm going to quit.
00:31:54.400
I like legit. I'm going to quit and I'm going to go tour the country or, or, or the globe
00:32:00.880
for two months. If I'm 20, I'm not going to do that at 42 years old because I have responsibilities
00:32:06.280
and obligations. If I'm 20, you bet your ass. I'm going to do that. Like the best way to get
00:32:12.320
out of a rut is stop doing the same shit you're always doing and just jerk the wheel and do
00:32:21.080
something different and make something different out of your life. You can do that whether you're
00:32:26.180
20, 40, 60, or 80. And I know all the alarms are going to go off and say, well, but Ryan,
00:32:33.820
you have this and you have that. And you, so, yeah, I know you can figure all that out, but
00:32:39.000
you gotta do something different because disrupts a great word at this stage of my life, physical
00:32:45.560
or whatever, whatever. Yeah. I'm 42 years old. I don't, I don't want to live the same
00:32:51.440
way. Like I'm, I'm more than halfway through my life. I'm done. Like just doing what everybody
00:32:58.480
else is telling me to do the way I should be doing it. If I want to put up Christmas decorations
00:33:04.920
on November 12th, then everybody else can screw off. And that's what I'm going to do because
00:33:11.280
that's what I want to do. And so what? Yeah. I like it, man. All right. Dan Malone. This is,
00:33:18.520
this is a good question. I think there's more meat to this question than what he's asking. So
00:33:22.380
maybe look for that in here. So he says, my wife resents me because I work from home. I'm an IT
00:33:29.180
manager with six direct reports, make good money, but my job is a hundred percent remote. She's a
00:33:35.360
teacher and has a tough job, but that doesn't mean that in addition to working a fairly demanding job,
00:33:40.840
I should be solely responsible. He says, I should be solely responsible for, for cleaning. I'm
00:33:45.680
assuming this is what she's thinking, cleaning laundry, dishes, chopping firewood, taking kids
00:33:50.260
to school, picking up packages, errands and home projects. I feel like I work 40 plus at the job
00:33:56.220
and another 20 to 30 as a stay on home dad. I don't mind helping out, but no matter how much I do,
00:34:03.580
she still dismisses and downplays my job with little jabs. Like at least you get to work from home.
00:34:09.700
And my job is way harder than yours. So a little bit of comparisons happening. I feel like she
00:34:15.300
doesn't respect my job and I can't win. How do I get her to understand that just because I'm home
00:34:21.480
doesn't mean that my job isn't demanding as well. And, and I know Dan, you didn't say this,
00:34:26.740
but when I hear doesn't respect my job, I think really what we're talking about is doesn't re I
00:34:32.840
don't feel respected period thoughts, sir. Does he say what he does for work? It guy. Yeah. I don't
00:34:43.800
respect it either. No, I'm just kidding. You're like, you know what? She's right, dude. He's right.
00:34:50.160
Move on. Suck it up. Do the laundry, bro. Come on. Um, no, of course your job is demanding.
00:34:58.800
Of course. I mean, look, two things, two things I think with this number one, she doesn't know
00:35:05.740
because she doesn't see your daily activity. So she doesn't know. And how, how could she know how,
00:35:11.480
how, like, cause sometimes in a job like that, I mean, I imagine what you're doing. You're not
00:35:18.940
out building houses and I, and I'm not diminishing the work you're doing by the way. Okay. So,
00:35:23.060
so please don't misunderstand me, but you're not out building a house. You're in front of a computer
00:35:28.860
all day, every day. She doesn't know what you're doing. She doesn't know if you're surfing the web.
00:35:34.860
She doesn't know if you're looking at pornography. She doesn't know if you're actually working. She
00:35:39.260
doesn't know if you're flirting with other women online. She doesn't know how, how could she know?
00:35:44.600
So I think there's some discussions about what actually your job entails. Like if you tell her,
00:35:49.900
yeah, I do it. I don't know what that means. What does that mean? I have no idea what that means.
00:35:54.560
That could mean a thousand different things. If you're trying to tell me what it means,
00:35:58.500
if I said, Hey, Dan, what do you do? You're like it. I'm like, Oh, cool. I got it. I know
00:36:01.860
everything about what you do. No, you have no idea what you're doing. Yeah. Are you building websites?
00:36:07.680
Are you helping people with their internet? Are you doing cyber security? There's like a thousand
00:36:13.420
things you could be doing and I don't know what it is. So I think there's some discussion warranted
00:36:19.700
about what your job actually entails because she's making shit up that isn't true because you're not
00:36:26.600
filling her in on what you're doing. So that's, that's part number one. Part number two is there
00:36:34.660
might be some good discussion around boundaries here. Like, Hey, hon, from nine to noon, you don't
00:36:43.100
tell her I'll be doing it because she doesn't know what that means. But what you're going to say is
00:36:48.660
from nine to noon is when I build my clients websites. So I'm building their websites. I'm
00:36:55.540
troubleshooting. Uh, if a client has a problem with their, um, internet provider or their internet
00:37:02.080
service, that's when I'm so, I, I'm so lost when it comes to this stuff, but I'm, I'm like
00:37:10.640
reprogramming IP addresses. I don't know what he's doing. Right. Okay. I just keep going, dude. I,
00:37:19.000
I love it. It's hilarious. I know. Kip's laughing at me because he's an IT. I just love that. You're
00:37:25.580
like, are we building IP? Yeah, dude. Like do your thing. I don't know. I have no idea what you're
00:37:30.860
doing. Okay. So, and she doesn't either. She's more ignorant than me and I don't know her and I'm
00:37:37.040
not bashing on her, but I promise she's more ignorant than me about it. Uh, maybe I was just
00:37:44.000
shut up anyways. So you're going to explain to her from nine to noon. I'm doing this from noon to one.
00:37:49.860
I'm going to take my lunch break, but from noon to one, I'm going to throw some laundry in the guy.
00:37:55.820
I can throw some laundry in from noon to one. No problem. I can do the dishes from noon to one,
00:38:00.420
but then from one to five. Okay. Now I'm reconnecting to the cloud on the line. I'll be on
00:38:11.820
the line. I don't know what you're doing. And so from one to five, I'm doing this thing,
00:38:19.920
but you know what? At four 30, I can start getting dinner ready so that when you get home at five,
00:38:25.920
like dinner will be like prepped, like this, the stove will be on and you know, the spaghetti will
00:38:31.700
be, you know, cooking or I don't know. I know. I know about as much of cooking as I know about
00:38:37.060
it, but I can start getting dinner ready. I can get all the supplies out or I can go grocery
00:38:42.620
shopping or whatever. Okay. So that's, that's an option. Here's another option. Go rent a space,
00:38:49.780
bro. Yeah. Go rent a space two blocks down for $500 a month and get your office out of the house.
00:39:00.600
That's another option. I like that option better than the other two that I gave you before.
00:39:05.320
I don't know. What do you have to say, Kip? You know more about this stuff than me.
00:39:10.000
So when I lived in New York, um, I worked onsite with a client and the hours were long.
00:39:17.840
I leave early. I'd come home late. It was long hours. Um, because everyone in New York seemed to
00:39:23.600
be like working till like six and 7 PM at night, you know? And so, um, when we moved back to Utah,
00:39:31.500
Utah, I started working a hundred percent from home within a couple of months, the complaint that
00:39:37.960
I was getting from my kids and from my wife was what you never spend time with us. You're always
00:39:44.780
never doing things. You're working harder. And I'm like, you guys are crazy. I'm working a fraction
00:39:51.100
of what I used to work. But the difference was, is I was in the house constantly saying, no,
00:39:56.520
no, no, leave me alone. No. And I was around and I was shutting them down constantly versus out of
00:40:04.200
sight, out of mind. And so there's a plug for the, for the remote office, right? So that's one thing
00:40:11.060
to consider. And it's just a psychology thing. The other thing that I read here, Dan, that you're
00:40:14.820
saying, and, and maybe you jump back into this, but what I'm hearing is I'm busting my ass.
00:40:22.380
I'm stressed out. I feel like I'm doing my job and I'm not being respected. And my wife doesn't see
00:40:29.560
it. And not on top of that, she's moaning, complaining that it's not enough. That's what
00:40:34.780
I hear. And that might, that might exist whether you're working at home or not. And, and so I would
00:40:41.660
get to the point of why, right? Like start thinking, does she not feel appreciated by you? And that's why
00:40:49.140
you're, you guys are getting into this comparison trap because that's really dangerous, right? Like
00:40:53.580
this idea of like, who's pulling the, Oh, I'm working harder than you were born in this back
00:40:58.540
and forth, man, that's unhealthy. And so maybe get some thought to why is she comparing and she's
00:41:07.780
seeking validation possibly from you that she's working hard as well. And that's her way of kind
00:41:13.480
of tossing you under the bus a little bit is because she doesn't feel appreciated either.
00:41:17.240
And she may not feel appreciated because you feel that she doesn't appreciate you. And so you're
00:41:22.240
undermining what she's doing. And so you guys might have a little bit of back and forth happening and
00:41:27.200
it's going to be super negative for you. So I would get really present. I think the boundaries are
00:41:31.940
important. You do you, you got to make sure you're in integrity by the way, because this is really
00:41:37.420
simple to maybe do all these things, but you know, you're not working that hard and now you're
00:41:42.140
looking for validation because you're at, because of the integrity gap. So make sure that you're
00:41:46.200
showing up powerfully agnostic of whether she approves of it or not, because it's your job
00:41:51.340
and then figure out why is she seeking maybe validation and appreciation from you. And are
00:41:57.720
you not expressive enough of what she's dealing with? And she's going to bring that back to the
00:42:02.360
table possibly. If you do that. It's powerful, man. Powerful. You have one other thing that I was
00:42:09.600
thinking as you were saying that. I used to do this with my ex. She would ask me about my day
00:42:15.300
and I would have this, this air of like, you don't get it.
00:42:22.660
Totally. And so I would never say that. I would never say like, Oh, you wouldn't get it.
00:42:28.960
Yeah. But no idea. Yeah. But I would, I would explain things to her like bare minimum,
00:42:36.460
like she was stupid and she's clearly not. She's a lovely, beautiful, intelligent woman,
00:42:44.240
but I would treat her like that. And so she would say, Oh, what did you do? I'm like,
00:42:49.340
yeah, I just did a podcast. If that's not what she's asking. Yeah. Right. Instead,
00:42:55.920
what I should have done, what, if I could rewind and do it again, I'd be like, Oh my gosh,
00:43:01.520
I had this podcast with Tip Sorenson and he was talking about like IP addresses and like Microsoft
00:43:10.380
client servers and Mac addresses. It was great. There's flashes all over connecting to the cloud
00:43:19.540
and like things I'd never heard of before. And like the possibilities of like uploading all these
00:43:26.580
weird things. And then like how AI can, you know, mimic this stuff. And now like, I would have
00:43:34.340
explained it to her. I wouldn't abort her, but I would have explained it to her. Like I was excited
00:43:39.780
about it. Cause she's excited about it. She like, if you're like, Oh, nothing. It was just kind of dumb.
00:43:46.180
I had a couple of meetings. It just kind of pissed me off and has sent a few emails out. Of course she
00:43:52.240
thinks you're not doing anything. Cause you're not explaining anything you're doing. Yeah. So if I
00:43:58.460
was going to do it all over again, man, I like, if she asked me about my day, I would, I would share
00:44:04.920
my day and be like, yeah, it was, it was awesome. And then I got this email and this guy was a total
00:44:09.740
dick, but I sent this email back and I was respectful to him. And then he sent an email back and he was like,
00:44:14.860
yeah, man, I'm sorry. I'm having a bad day. And we actually ended up having a pretty cool conversation
00:44:19.700
and he signed up for the iron council. And like, I would have explained it to her what I was doing.
00:44:26.020
Not boring her, but that's what she wants to know, man. She loves you. She cares about you. She wants
00:44:31.220
to know about your day. Like if you were a caveman and you just said, yeah, what'd you do? And you're
00:44:36.160
like, yeah, I went out. I didn't really see anything. But if you went out and you're like, no, I saw this
00:44:40.500
awesome woolly mammoth and I tried to kill it, but it got away. And then all my buddies came and we
00:44:45.880
ended up tracking it down and we like, and we stabbed it and brought it down. And like, here's
00:44:50.360
dinner tonight. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, like treat her with the reverence and the
00:44:55.840
respect that she deserves when she's asking you about something. She cares about it deeply.
00:45:00.400
You may think it's boring because you do it every day, but she wants to know she loves you. She cares
00:45:06.160
about you. She wants to know about your day that I wish I would have done that differently. And,
00:45:10.920
and, and given the chance, and I'm sure this will happen in the future, you know, at some point I'll
00:45:15.280
be in another relationship and or marriage. And those are things that I'll do is like, when she
00:45:19.720
says, how was your day? It's not like good. It was okay. It was fine. No, I'm going to explain it to
00:45:25.700
her because she wants to know about what's going on in my life. And they don't know, right. Unless we tell
00:45:31.280
them that's a really good. And that was my key takeaway from what you said even earlier is like,
00:45:35.800
in letting them know what's going on. Um, yeah, that's, that's huge. Right. Because like,
00:45:42.260
I feel, I remember when I first got an assistant, she was like, let's schedule a meeting and all the
00:45:49.120
things that like are on your mind that you need to address or whatever. It took hours.
00:45:56.720
You know what I mean? Like hours. And she was like, holy crap. Right. Like, really? And I'm like, yeah,
00:46:02.800
really? Like, that's all that's in my head. You know, like let's start grabbing stuff. Right. And
00:46:08.400
it was a lot. And it's funny to think like, does my wife know about that? Does she know that massive
00:46:13.760
list? All those stressful things, all those things I'm dealing with? No. And it's not her fault.
00:46:20.260
Right. That would be my fault for not sharing. Right. And not involving them with what we're doing.
00:46:25.240
You know, Ryan brought up a good point. He's an iron council. He's a great, he's a great team leader
00:46:31.340
of ours. And he, uh, were you on the call last week? No, I was at that. I know. I know. I know.
00:46:37.820
That nerdy conference with IP addresses and stuff. Yeah. No, I knew you weren't on the call. I just
00:46:42.380
wanted to hear you say you wanted to publicly call me out. Yeah.
00:46:45.140
Yeah. But he had said, we were talking about what do we disclose with our wives? And we kind of got
00:46:54.980
into a back and forth a little bit, not just Ryan and I, but everybody had different thoughts. Like,
00:46:59.360
how much do you share and how much do you not share? Yeah. And he had said, no, dude, you share like,
00:47:05.560
that's your partner. Like you share, like what, why wouldn't you share that stuff? And,
00:47:11.620
and I've been thinking about it over the weekend. Cause it really struck me is if you have a bad
00:47:16.980
day at work, you, you should share that actually like hon. Yeah. She says, how was your day? You're
00:47:23.920
like, you know what? Today sucked today sucked. And here's why I had this client call me and he got a
00:47:35.920
proposal from another contractor and he decided to go with this other contractor. And I got on the phone
00:47:41.040
with him and I tried to convince him to stay with us and he didn't. And then right after that, I had
00:47:45.460
an employee come in and you know, they were all bent out of shape about something and they ended up
00:47:50.560
quitting. And then right after that, my boss came in and I got done with all my work and he comes in
00:47:57.420
and he gets this big stack of paper and he just slams it on my desk. And he's like, Hey, I need this
00:48:01.980
done by five o'clock. And it was just a really shitty day. And I'm so glad to be home with you and the
00:48:09.400
kids right now. If I feel a little bit off, that's what's going on. You know, everything's under
00:48:15.140
control. The client unfortunately lost, but that's okay. We got plenty of other clients. We're a little
00:48:21.100
bit of a hit, but we're going to go out and the team and I talked, we're going to hit sales. We're
00:48:25.380
going to get some new clients. The employee, they weren't that great of an employee anyways. So we put
00:48:30.700
out a job listing and I was able to get about 80% of the work my boss told me to get done. So I got
00:48:36.480
that done the 20 I'll knock out in the next two or three days, but I got the bulk of it done. But
00:48:41.540
yeah, it was a shitty day today. And so I don't mean to take it out on you. Um, in fact, let's have
00:48:47.860
some dinner. Let's put the kids down and, uh, let's just spend some time together tonight. That's when
00:48:53.920
you'd watch a movie or, you know, just veg out on the couch or whatever that, that would be helpful
00:48:59.500
for me today. Like, God, you can share that stuff. It's okay. Yeah. And I always, she's going to feel
00:49:07.220
deep, more deeply connected if you do that. Yeah. I've shared this in the past, but like, I really
00:49:12.300
do feel this even to this day. And this just validates it that like most upsets, you know, one
00:49:17.620
of the, the key things that generates an upset, I think is not being fully expressed. And, and it's not,
00:49:24.320
it's not communicating those things. It's, it's we're dealing with it isolated on our own
00:49:28.860
and we're not communicating what the upset is. And the unfortunate part is what happens
00:49:34.940
if I come on this call and I'm acting like a complete ass with you and I don't tell you
00:49:39.760
what's going on. You assume it's me. It's kind of Dick, right? Like he's, it's me. And then
00:49:45.860
you go retaliate back to me and then you're just feeding into the very thing that I'm stressed out
00:49:52.020
about. Right. So yeah, we, we gotta be, yeah, it's tough and I get it. Right. Cause I, this is
00:49:58.320
one of the areas that I have to like be wicked intentional about being fully expressed. Cause
00:50:03.040
I, it's not my default at all. Wicked intentional, man. That East coast has come. I know that was
00:50:09.540
like a Canadian coast, a wick, wick, a coup. Yeah. Canadian that Wiccans can, I thought it was,
00:50:16.380
I thought it was Maine, Maine, Maine, Maine, but as Mainers do that too. Like I think Canadians
00:50:21.320
always use wicked too. Yeah. Well, maybe they stole it from Maine. All right. William Caleb hair
00:50:29.400
with the state of the country and the world, what sort of first steps would you advise for someone
00:50:34.600
just now preparing for the possibility decline of civilization? And what would you suggest a
00:50:40.180
specific order to these steps? Thanks for all you do for the men around the world.
00:50:44.920
You start where you have the most, the, the, the greatest locus of control and the greatest
00:50:53.160
influence, which is your house. So if I'm going to look at my house, well, here's some things I've
00:51:00.500
done at my house. Security system. Number one, security system. I put a security set. I got cameras.
00:51:08.060
I got alarms. I got security systems around my house. My house is locked down. That's number one.
00:51:14.920
Number two provisions. I got batteries everywhere. Cause who knows if we're going to have power,
00:51:23.520
who knows if we're going to have internet, but I've got batteries. I've got flashlights.
00:51:30.560
I've got firearms staged at different areas of the house, depending on the age of my children,
00:51:35.580
they either do or do not have access to those firearms. My 15 year old is very intelligent. He's
00:51:42.560
very bright. He's very responsible. He has access to my firearm. Should he need those acts at access
00:51:48.900
to those firearms? He knows where things are. My seven-year-old doesn't clearly, right?
00:51:56.720
Food storage is important. So we've got food storage. I'm building up food storage,
00:52:03.200
making sure that if something goes wrong, we've got the food that we need.
00:52:07.360
I'm going around the neighborhood and I'm meeting with my neighborhood, my neighbors.
00:52:13.020
I know all of my neighbors, at least three to four doors each way. I know all of my neighbors
00:52:20.160
because I go talk with them and I see them. When I walk, I talk to them. I ask them about things.
00:52:25.840
I ask them about their kids. I ask them about their life. I ask them about their work.
00:52:29.400
Um, we play with them. Their kids play with mine. We communicate, you know, we have each other's
00:52:35.580
numbers. And then outside of that, I'm talking with my kids about what can go wrong, what to look
00:52:41.580
for. When my, when my kids, sometimes my kids will say things like we'll go to Walmart, for example,
00:52:48.900
my daughter will say, dad, that guy's weird. And I'm like, yeah, he is weird. What, why do you say
00:52:55.740
that? Yeah. What's, I don't know. He, he, he looks like, yeah, he looks like the clothes that
00:53:02.260
he's wearing or like, but the, but like the way that he's acting, like, it just seems weird. I'm
00:53:08.100
like, good observation. Really? Like, cause modern times will tell you, oh, he's not weird. Like he's
00:53:14.600
just expressing himself. No, screw that. That's a weird dude off there. Yeah. And I'm going to be
00:53:20.080
aware of that. And when my daughter acknowledges it, I'm going to be like, yeah, you're right.
00:53:23.720
Yeah. Good idea. What should we do about it? Yeah. I love that. When I get in the car,
00:53:30.340
here's one thing. A lot of people don't think about, I don't ever get in the car before my kids
00:53:36.040
ever. People don't think about that. Like they'll get, they'll get in their car. I see
00:53:43.480
girl men do it all the time. They'll get in their car. They'll put their seatbelt on and they'll wait
00:53:47.780
for their kids to go around the other side of the car and they'll, and their kids will get in the car.
00:53:52.640
They're already in the car and their kids aren't even in the car. Yeah. So how easy
00:53:56.260
and what do you got to do on buckle? You got to run around the, no, I go to my, like if my daughter,
00:54:02.880
my kids are on the other side of the car, I go open the door. I put them in the car with their
00:54:10.040
seatbelts on. And then I go around to my side. Once the door is closed and secure, and then I go in
00:54:18.260
and then I get in the car. Like people say that's paranoid, but that takes me three extra seconds.
00:54:26.480
It doesn't take any extra longer. When we get out of the car, I tell my kids, look over your right
00:54:32.580
shoulder, look over your left shoulder, know what you're looking at, know what you're getting
00:54:37.360
yourself into before you open the door. So they look, I see them. I can watch them. They look,
00:54:42.700
they're like, Oh yeah, good. Open the door, get out, come around the front and we're good.
00:54:48.720
It's all these little things that I'm training my children to do just as a natural response.
00:54:53.840
And I know there's going to be some weirdos who are going to say, Oh, that's paranoid. Don't worry
00:54:58.440
about that. Well, good. Then you can have your kid kidnapped. Cause I'm not interested in having
00:55:03.260
my daughter kidnapped and sex trafficked. But if you're interested in that, then go ahead and do that.
00:55:08.160
I'd rather be a little paranoid and not have to worry about that as much as somebody else would.
00:55:14.460
Yeah, totally. So that's, so that's the first thing that we do is we focus on what's going on
00:55:18.960
in the house. We focus on the provisions that we have. And then we focus on the behaviors of our own
00:55:24.520
people, our wife, our children. And then we work out from there. So now it goes to the neighborhood.
00:55:30.000
Yeah. So when you have a neighbor who's, let's say he's, um, let's say he grew up in a city,
00:55:38.280
um, you know, never really shot guns, never really comfortable with, with firearms or never done any
00:55:44.240
jujitsu, or maybe he's a little scrawny and he's never worked out, you know, befriend him and say,
00:55:50.560
Hey, Hey, John, uh, we're going, I'm going to go shoot this weekend on Saturday. Like I've got a
00:55:56.680
couple extra pistols. I've got some targets. I've got ammo. Like you don't need to bring anything.
00:56:01.140
We're just going to go out South for like an hour or two on Saturday morning. Why don't you just come
00:56:05.940
with us? Well, I've never shot before. I know that's, what's cool. Like we'll go out. We're
00:56:10.400
not going to use any high powered guns. We're just going to go out. We're going to put a couple
00:56:13.380
bullets down range and you can see if you like it. Or if, or if somebody has never been hunting,
00:56:18.900
Colin Cottrell did this with me. A lot of you guys know who Colin is. He's in the iron council. He's a good
00:56:23.500
friend of mine now. He's been a friend for eight years. He calls me up and he's
00:56:26.560
like, Hey, Ryan, I want you to go hunting with me. And I'm like, I've never been hunting. He's
00:56:31.380
like, I know that's why I want you to go. I'm like, okay, well, yeah, I'm in. What do I need
00:56:37.800
to do? He's like, you need a rifle. Here's what you need. And you need a bow. I'm like,
00:56:40.820
I don't have any of those. He's like, I know go buy them. Yeah. So I went and bought a Ruger
00:56:47.520
American 308 and I went and bought a Hoyt pro defiant was the first boy I ever shot. And I went to Texas
00:56:53.260
with him and I met him out there. And, um, first day I was out there, I shot a really nice,
00:56:57.680
uh, uh, nice white tail, uh, with my, with my 308, with my rifle. And then a day or two later,
00:57:04.280
I shot my first deer with, with a, uh, with a bow. It's like invite people like have them come
00:57:12.400
along and then we can work out from there. Now I I'm in a different position. Kip, you're in a
00:57:17.320
different position because we have this platform where we're reaching hundreds and hundreds of
00:57:22.640
thousands of men and we're sharing ideas like this, but this is not enough because a lot of you
00:57:28.440
guys are comfortable just listening to a podcast and thinking, oh, well, you know, I listened to
00:57:33.440
Kip talk about jujitsu. So I think I'm good now. It's like, are you a brain surgeon? No,
00:57:40.400
but I stayed at a motel six one time or what, you know, whatever the commercial is.
00:57:43.780
I talk to brain surgeons all the time. So I know how to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Like you actually
00:57:48.420
have to go out and do it. So find somebody in your area and go do it. And there's, there's people
00:57:54.220
in the area. So if you want to learn how to shoot archery, go to the archery shop. It's probably
00:57:59.800
within five miles of you. And you say, Hey, I've never shot a bow before. I'd like to do it.
00:58:04.680
And they'll say, great. Here's a few starter bows that we have. Let's go to the range. And the range
00:58:09.340
is usually there in the shop. And it's like, I've never done this. Can you give me some pointers?
00:58:13.140
That guy's going to give you some pointers because he likes archery. And cause he wants
00:58:17.200
to sell you some shit. So I promise he's going to do it. You go to a gun store and you're like,
00:58:21.560
Hey, I'd like to get a pistol, but I don't know what to get. He's got five pistols that you can try
00:58:25.740
and you should try a five. So you can see what you're comfortable with. And he's going to say,
00:58:30.140
all right, here's your stance. You know, here's, here's, here's how you fire. Here's how you grip the
00:58:36.560
gun. Here's how you do this, this squeeze of the trigger. Here's the follow through. Here's how to
00:58:41.600
reholster. He's going to work you through all of those things. If you want to do survival,
00:58:47.260
type in survival in your area. And I'm, I swear there's a canning class. There's, there's a sewing
00:58:54.000
class there. Like whatever you want is there. So just start small and then just work your way out
00:59:02.640
from there. I had, uh, my daughter, um, we had like a hundred plus orders that I had to do over
00:59:10.040
the weekend. Cause we got new hoodies, we got new hats, we got new beanies. And she had a friend over
00:59:15.120
and I said, Hey girls, what are you guys doing? And they're like, nothing. We're kind of bored. I
00:59:19.160
said, do you want to earn some money? And they're like, yeah, we want to earn some money. I'm like,
00:59:22.900
great. You can help me in the store. So they came out and I said, here's what I need you to do.
00:59:28.840
I'm going to tell you what I need. You got to package it up and I'm going to give you a sticker
00:59:31.940
and you're going to put it on and you're going to put it here. And these two little ladies did a
00:59:36.880
fantastic job. And it wasn't just my daughter. It was, it was a neighbor's daughter as well that
00:59:43.100
helped. And her mom the other day, last night came over cause she dropped my daughter off.
00:59:48.520
They were playing and she's like, thanks so much for having her do that. Like she asked if she could
00:59:53.400
do that again. I'm like, yeah, she can come over every Wednesday. If her, if her and my daughter
00:59:57.860
want to fill orders, they can come over every Wednesday and they can fill orders and I'll
01:00:03.120
pay them X amount of dollars for everything that they fill. And she'll have some money and
01:00:07.980
she'll learn how to work. And she's like, really? I'm like, yeah, absolutely. Because now I can
01:00:13.160
expand. And this is the point of being a man. A boy can't even barely take care of himself.
01:00:20.740
Right? Like my, my 10 year old son this morning, he's like, dad, I'm hungry. Go get some cereal.
01:00:26.460
Well, I don't know where it is. I'm like, then starve. Cause I really don't care at this point.
01:00:31.600
He's like, okay. So he got up and he went and got the cereal. Cause I know he knows where it's at.
01:00:36.300
The kid would die if it weren't without me. You know, it's like, you're 10 years old. You don't
01:00:41.140
know where the cereal is. Come on. Um, so a boy doesn't know how to take care of himself.
01:00:47.560
A man knows how to take care of himself. Right? So that's why you see 14, 15 year old kids
01:00:54.200
who I would say are like my 15 year old, I would say is more of a man than some 40 year olds I've
01:01:00.340
seen. Cause he can take care of himself. And then what ends up happening as a man, ideally what's
01:01:06.860
supposed to happen is you can take care of yourself. And then you get to the point where
01:01:12.500
not only can you take care of yourself now you're like, you know what? I think I can take care of
01:01:18.380
that young woman right there too. I'd like to ask for her hand in marriage. And now you can take care
01:01:23.860
of her. And then what ends up happening is you're like, you know what? As a man, I can take care of
01:01:28.980
this woman. I think I can take care of a couple of kids. And so you start having kids. And then after
01:01:35.480
that, you think, you know, I can take care of my wife and I can take care of my kids. You know,
01:01:41.000
I think I'd like to coach my son's soccer team because I can coach and I can take care of eight
01:01:46.740
other young men in some capacity. And it just builds and builds and builds. And as a man,
01:01:53.360
that's what's supposed to happen. You go from not being able to take care of anybody to taking care
01:01:58.740
of yourself, to taking care of your family, to taking care of your community, to taking care of
01:02:03.940
exponentially growing from there. As always, you can join us on Facebook. That's facebook.com
01:02:12.020
slash group slash order of man. One thing on that last question, Ryan, that I was kind of feeling is
01:02:16.380
what are we talking about? We're talking about sovereignty, right? And I'm assuming we can get,
01:02:22.880
we can still order your book sovereignty from Amazon as well as from the store as well.
01:02:28.160
Uh, if you order on the store, there's paperback copies that are signed. So if you want to sign
01:02:34.460
copy, there's paperback copies. If you want a hard copy or don't care about my stupid signature,
01:02:38.980
you can pick it up on Amazon. Excellent. Excellent. And I think the last call to action
01:02:43.520
is always is to learn more about the iron council. You can go to order of man.com slash iron council,
01:02:49.120
not open, but we will be opening that up in roughly about a month, uh, December, December,
01:02:55.160
right. End of the year. So be prepared for that for when we have a open enrollment coming next
01:03:01.140
month. Yes, sir. Kip, I appreciate you. I feel like I dominated that conversation. So I'll give
01:03:07.320
you a little bit more time next time. Yeah. You're super concerned about not bringing the heat. I was
01:03:11.600
like, I have nothing to add. This is good stuff. So apparently, uh, not needed. That was me not
01:03:17.080
bringing the heat Kip, just so you know, do you just wait until I actually bring it? All right.
01:03:21.460
All right, brother. I love you. I appreciate you. And, uh, guys, great questions today. Keep them
01:03:29.200
coming. We'll keep answering them whether we're right or wrong. I don't know, but we'll keep
01:03:33.320
answering them for you. So go out there, uh, make it a great day, take action and become the man you
01:03:39.960
are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of
01:03:44.940
your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.
01:03:51.460
And, um, you're ready to join the order of man. Just slowly coming to the order of man.
01:03:56.360
You're ready to join the order. Have a great job.