Order of Man - How to Get Yourself Out of a Rut, Doing the Work of Your Shadow, and Re-Establishing Trust With Your Wife ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.840 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.080 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:16.620 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:21.980 you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up man? Great to see you. I already told you I'm not

00:00:28.160 feeling like my normal self today, so I'm going to put it on your shoulders. You didn't know this,

00:00:35.420 but I'm going to put it on your shoulders today. I'm going to be your sidekick, and you're going to

00:00:42.080 carry the weight of this discussion today, but I'll be here to help and tell you when you're wrong,

00:00:48.280 okay? Yeah. Well, I'll try to bring the heat, but as long as you answer that, you know, there's so

00:00:53.100 much value to you answering the questions first. Like when we record solo, it does come up with

00:00:59.640 some extra added pressure to come up with the response first versus when you go, I could just

00:01:06.880 add to what you're doing. So as long as you still do that part, I should be okay. I can do that. I

00:01:12.080 don't know how coherent it will be, but I can definitely do that. And then you can fill in the

00:01:16.900 blanks and translate for everybody what in the world I'm saying, because like I said, it might

00:01:23.580 be weird. So let's get after it. Okay. So we're going to field questions, a couple from the Foundry

00:01:29.960 and then also from our Facebook group. To join us on Facebook, go to facebook.com slash group slash

00:01:35.500 order man. But before we get there, let's discuss some questions from the Iron Council. John McKenzie,

00:01:41.580 he says, what are some things you've done to embrace your shadow and reclaim pieces of yourself

00:01:48.320 that were within it, championing those parts and turning them from elements of shame or guilt

00:01:54.000 to elements of strength? Well, let's back up a little bit. The reason he's even bringing this up

00:02:00.260 is we're actually talking about this as a monthly topic inside of the Iron Council. We're talking about

00:02:04.860 shadow work, getting to know yourself, leading yourself, freeing yourself. And a lot of this is

00:02:11.200 influenced by my good friend, Connor Beaton. He is with Man Talks. He also wrote a book called

00:02:17.640 Men's Work, which is a great book. And also what's cool about Connor is he was gracious enough to join

00:02:25.660 us in the next couple of weeks on a Friday call. So I try to get the authors that were inspired by

00:02:31.940 into the Iron Council to speak with us for about an hour on a particular subject or an area of

00:02:38.960 expertise. I just talked with John Deloney. He wrote a book called The Non-Anxious Life.

00:02:46.460 He's with the Ramsey Solution team. He said he's going to come on in the next several weeks.

00:02:52.080 So that's kind of an added bonus of being in the Iron Council. But we're talking about men's work, 0.69

00:02:57.280 shadow work with Connor Beaton. What have I done? I mean, look, I've got all sorts of demons. I've got all

00:03:04.020 sorts of shadows. I've got all sorts of darkness, just like all of us do. I don't think I'm unique

00:03:08.720 or special in that. Addiction is something that runs not only within me, but it runs in my family.

00:03:16.420 My father was an alcoholic, a drug user. So there's that. And we all know that that's generational,

00:03:25.100 right? Studies have suggested and proven that some of these things are generational curses that

00:03:29.640 we as men should break. I really like what Ed Milet talks about, about being the one. You're

00:03:35.480 the one who could break that curse if you decide to be that one. So that is what I'm trying to be.

00:03:42.140 But we need to embrace that. If we hide and we pretend like it doesn't exist, if we bury our heads

00:03:48.600 in the sand and pretend as if we're perfect and have everything figured out, then we'll never address

00:03:53.580 the dark side of who we are and what we have the potential to do. And I'm not talking about

00:04:00.580 positively, but negatively, leaving a wake of collateral damage in our path. I was watching

00:04:06.360 Rise of the Guardians with my children this weekend. And the boogeyman is the evil one in the show,

00:04:16.240 if you guys have seen it. And he represents fear. And once everybody acknowledged, there's a little

00:04:24.740 kid and he says, I think it's played by Jude Law is the boogeyman. And he says, aren't you afraid of

00:04:33.240 me? Or do you believe in me now is what he said. And the little kid says, I believe in you. I'm just

00:04:40.700 not afraid of you. And I think that's the point that we need to get is that we need to believe

00:04:46.820 and embrace that there is a dark side. There is a propensity for violence. There is a propensity for

00:04:52.380 addiction or alcohol or drug abuse. There is a propensity to want to strong arm or even manipulate

00:05:00.780 other people or even just be hurt by what people say because of the way that we interpreted the way

00:05:08.700 that our parents potentially spoke to us. The more that you can get familiar with these things,

00:05:14.400 the less scary they are because it's just part of life. You aren't alone. You aren't anybody that

00:05:23.000 hasn't gone through anything before. So for me, it's about embracing where my narratives come from.

00:05:30.820 When I talk about abandonment, for example, I felt like my father didn't care about me.

00:05:39.180 And so I think about that a lot. I write about that. I've got my journal right here. I journal

00:05:43.980 about it. And I become intimately familiar with that part of my story because now looking back,

00:05:52.960 my father passed away about five years ago. I actually don't think that's the case at all.

00:05:57.920 I actually believe my father loved me. I think he probably, if I had to guess, and I am just

00:06:04.560 guessing, that he probably would have appreciated a deeper, more connected relationship with me.

00:06:10.720 I think he probably would have wanted to be closer to me. I think that in a different set of

00:06:17.580 circumstances, he probably would have wanted to put the booze down and the drugs away and

00:06:21.740 been an engaged father. I look at it now in my own personal situation where

00:06:26.880 I'm a single father, you know, and I don't think that I don't, I'm not happy that I'm not with my

00:06:34.400 kids half the time. I'm not satisfied or comfortable with the idea that I don't have the

00:06:40.360 kids all the time. I mean, sometimes it's nice. I can take a weekend and go do whatever the hell I

00:06:45.280 want because I don't have to worry about my kids because they're with their mom. But I would much

00:06:49.740 rather trade that than to be with them forever all the time. Absolutely. So I'm seeing life through

00:06:58.120 a different lens as I get older now and realizing that what I thought was real wasn't real. And it

00:07:03.940 was stories that I was creating to keep myself safe. And I think once you realize your own humanity

00:07:11.420 anxiety and where you fuck up and where you mess up and where you fall short, it allows you to give

00:07:18.800 some grace to other people that you think maybe slighted you or did you dirty. And so, yeah, I try to

00:07:27.560 embrace that so I could know like, hey, Ryan, you have an addiction issue. Ryan, you have an

00:07:37.400 addictive personality. Be very, very careful about the substances that you consume, whether it's

00:07:43.780 all the chips and salsa in the world or going out with the buddies and saying, hey, let's have a drink.

00:07:50.360 I don't have drinks. Like I don't have, hey, let's have a drink. That doesn't compute for me. It's like

00:07:57.380 if I'm having a drink, I'm having all the drinks and I need to be aware of that. So even with this

00:08:04.380 podcast, when I go in, I'm all in. I mean, Kip, we're at almost, I want to say we're at almost,

00:08:12.480 I think we're at over 1,100 podcast episodes at this point. When I go in, I go all in.

00:08:22.500 And so I need to be aware of that. And I can't be aware of that unless I'm journaling about it,

00:08:27.660 reflecting on it, thinking about it, and then really asking myself, are the negative stories that

00:08:33.560 I told myself or the negative lessons that I learned from past experiences real or were those

00:08:41.540 just defense mechanisms to keep me safe as an innocent child? And typically it was to keep me

00:08:47.340 safe. Yeah. They were just your interpretation of reality is all. The only thing that I think

00:08:54.040 for John's question that I think is insightful is when I think about this, one of the more powerful

00:09:02.620 things that I have to remind myself is that it is what it is. And sometimes those stories and those

00:09:10.900 interpretations or that shadow, it's not going away. Right. And so sometimes we have a tendency

00:09:18.260 to get on this bandwagon and go, Oh, here it is. Okay. Now let's get rid of it because it's bad.

00:09:23.600 Right. And, and then, and then, and then we can't get rid of it. And it's like, no, no,

00:09:27.220 the idea is to understand our past, to understand these triggers, to understand these things

00:09:32.320 that we have, and then be effective with what we choose to do with them, you know, and how they

00:09:37.880 play a part in our lives. But if you go around thinking something's wrong with you because of

00:09:43.340 this, then you're going to even beat yourself even up more because you can't get rid of it. And,

00:09:48.040 and I don't, and I haven't finished the book. So I don't know if he, if he suggests the opposite

00:09:53.440 that you actually get rid of this stuff, but I don't think you do. I don't think you get rid of

00:09:57.520 the default feeling of abandonment. I don't think you get rid of those things. Now, what you do is

00:10:03.020 you shorten the time between interpretation and reaction and you go, Oh, I know where this is

00:10:09.180 coming from. I'm going to make a conscious choice to do what's effective for me. But, but to say,

00:10:14.800 it's just going to magically go away. I don't think that's going to be the case. And I, I don't think

00:10:18.820 it's the same thing with addictions and other things. They're probably not going to go away.

00:10:22.980 So we have to deal in reality and realize that's kind of our makeup of what we're dealing with.

00:10:28.880 And then, and then choose appropriately. I, I also, I agree with that. And, and I also think

00:10:35.880 that the shadow part of our lives there, they aren't, I don't know that they're necessarily

00:10:41.400 wrong. I think they're just behaviors that are taken to the extreme, right? So for example,

00:10:49.840 let's take pornography use, let's say a man engages in excessive pornography. Is that wrong?

00:10:57.360 Yeah, I think it's wrong because you're objectifying women. And, uh, obviously there's, 0.99

00:11:04.660 there's, there's an entire devious, you know, trade that's associated with that. It's wrong.

00:11:09.900 Yeah. So let's scale that back a little bit. So somebody who engages in pornography use is being

00:11:16.660 lustful, right? And typically if we're talking about heterosexual men, they're lusting after

00:11:24.720 women's bodies taken to a less extreme, it means they're attracted to women. Is that wrong? 0.96

00:11:33.560 No, absolutely not. That's not wrong. That's natural. You know? So it's, it's a natural,

00:11:41.080 it's a natural response to a woman's body that I find attractive that Kip, I'm sure you find

00:11:48.360 attractive. And every man listening to this finds attractive. It's just taken to an unhealthy extreme.

00:11:56.440 Um, if it's, if it's, uh, gluttony, you know, you can look at the seven deadly sins, right? If it's

00:12:03.380 gluttony, it's an excessive eating or excessive use of resources taken to a lesser degree. Uh, it,

00:12:14.240 it could be that you're worried about scarcity. Maybe you grew up without any food in the house. Maybe

00:12:20.900 you grew up without any possessions. And so now you have some, and so you just binge on all of this

00:12:28.080 stuff is, is, is it unhealthy to want in the absence of need? No, I don't think so. It's just

00:12:36.440 taken to the extreme. So I think we, as men ought to be careful of the extremes and find healthy

00:12:44.340 outlets. If you're lusting after women and you're, you're cheating on your wife, uh, or you're watching

00:12:52.120 porn, maybe that's a conversation that you need to have with your wife and say, Hey hon, I'd like to 1.00

00:12:57.620 be a little bit more adventurous in the sack because that's done in a healthy, respectful way.

00:13:04.080 If you grew up without any resources and now you're binging on food or other things because you have the

00:13:10.960 means and the resources to do it, maybe it's, Hey, you know what? I'm going to create some food

00:13:15.880 storage. That way, if there's ever any problem, I have food available to us, but I'm not going to

00:13:21.780 just binge on it all right now because I have this scarcity mindset. So I don't think it ever goes away

00:13:27.360 to your point, Kip. I think it's just, our job is men to regulate it. Um, I was driving down the road

00:13:32.900 the other day and I accidentally cut somebody off. I didn't mean to, but I accidentally cut them off.

00:13:38.140 I didn't even see them. And the guy races around and he, you know, flips me off and honks the horn.

00:13:43.500 And it's like, you know, I, he, he was in like this little blue, little, little, little rice burner,

00:13:49.860 this little like race car. Like I could have swiped his car and ran him off the road, but instead

00:13:55.840 it's like, okay, you know, yeah, I cut the guy off. He flipped me off. So what? Like really? So what?

00:14:03.240 That means nothing in the grand scheme of things. So regulation, I think is a big part,

00:14:08.940 but also knowing yourself and knowing what you have a propensity to do, uh, will help you temper

00:14:14.780 that. And I think that's what makes a man, a man, you know, my, uh, my son the other day,

00:14:20.500 my youngest, he's seven years old. He got mad about something. What did he get mad about?

00:14:25.580 He got mad because he couldn't, what did he, what did he want to do? I can't even remember what he

00:14:30.120 wanted to do. He's, he's like, dad, I want to do this. And I said, no, oh, he wanted to play on

00:14:33.620 the PlayStation. I said, no, you can't play on the PlayStation. We're working right now. You've

00:14:37.700 been on the PlayStation. You're not doing that right now. He ran inside and he threw a damn

00:14:41.600 temper tantrum. And you know, we laugh. It's like, oh, it's funny. I kids, kids are dumb. We all do it

00:14:46.740 as grown adults. We do it differently, but we do the same thing as adults. So anyways, all right,

00:14:54.580 Jarrett Silverback Storl, my business is thriving and calls from new customers keep coming. The issue

00:15:01.880 that I have, how do I scale my business? That it's, that is only one technician himself. The labor

00:15:08.180 market is depleted on skilled labor. The hourly wages wanted to be substandard technicians is crazy

00:15:14.260 high. What would be the first place to look to scale? Well, okay. So I would do two things. I would

00:15:21.120 scale. I would work to scale. I'd work to bring somebody in, um, that, that you could teach that's

00:15:27.180 coachable. I, I, when I'm looking for somebody to hire, I'm looking for somebody who has a propensity

00:15:32.240 to do the work. Like they have the mindset, the skillset to be able to do the work, the potential,

00:15:36.980 I'll say they may not have done it, but they have the potential to do it. Uh, and then I, the,

00:15:43.420 this is the most important. In fact, when, when coaches, athletic coaches compliment my children,

00:15:51.800 the best compliment I could ever receive from a coach, do you know what it is? Kip,

00:15:56.400 what would it be for you? I want to know if it's the same for you. For me, it'd be like work ethic

00:16:00.880 and grind. Like I like that to work hard. Like, okay. So I would have an element of coachable in

00:16:08.780 there if that makes sense, but it's, it's their willingness to do the hard thing that mine is

00:16:14.240 coachability. Yeah. So we're in, we're, we're in the same path. If, if a coach ever wanted to

00:16:19.920 compliment me about my child, the thing that I take to heart is that they're coachable.

00:16:25.100 If a coach says, Hey, I love your son. He's the most coachable kid I've ever coached. I'm like,

00:16:29.880 I'm winning as a dad. That, that means more to me than he's a hard player. He's a good player.

00:16:38.240 He made that certain tackle or he's, or even that he's talented. Oh, he's talented. That's

00:16:43.840 going to win. That's not going to be enough eventually. Right. Yeah. So if he says he's

00:16:48.180 coachable man. So when I'm looking for employees, I want coachable people. I want, I don't need

00:16:54.420 somebody who can do the job exactly. Right. I need somebody who can learn the job and do it well.

00:16:58.800 Yeah. Uh, so if you're, if you're looking to scale, do that. If you're not in the position

00:17:04.020 to scale, because you don't think you can find good employees, number one, you're not going to

00:17:07.560 find good employees if you don't think you are. So that's a limiting belief. And I used to have that

00:17:11.640 nobody can do it as good as me. Nobody is good as out there. You know where all the good employees

00:17:17.120 are. They're already working. Yep. Like they're already busting their asses in different jobs. So what I,

00:17:23.360 what I did, so my background is retail management. So I worked in buckle clothing store for a lot of

00:17:29.520 years. And one of the things my manager told me as she was teaching me how to become a manager

00:17:34.000 is she says, Ryan, we never want to hire somebody we don't already know. And you should always be

00:17:40.260 recruiting. So I would go, part of my job is I would go around the mall and I would go to different

00:17:46.040 stores and I would see how sales associates treated me. And if they treated me well, and they were

00:17:53.040 attentive and they helped and they served and they did a good job, then that was somebody who I'm

00:17:58.920 like, Hmm, this person's interesting. And my, my manager, her name is Stacy. She's an incredible

00:18:05.660 manager. She's a great human being. Uh, she years earlier, I was working at journey shoe store.

00:18:13.880 So this is like, this is like right out of high school as I was a mall rat and I wanted to work

00:18:20.060 at buckle. Cause I was a young kid, all the attractive girls shopped at buckle. I wanted to 0.87

00:18:26.760 Is this at Redcliffe back the day? Redcliffe small. Yeah. Yeah. So I, this is where all the

00:18:32.180 college girls went. I'm like, I want to work at buckle. Of course I want to work. And I went in

00:18:37.040 there to apply and she said, no, she, she didn't give me a job. So it's like, damn. So I went back

00:18:43.280 to work at journeys and eventually worked my way into a leadership position and became the manager of that

00:18:49.180 store. After I became the manager of that store, she came up to me and she says, Hey, Ryan, I really

00:18:53.640 want you to apply for the management development program at buckle. And I said, what? Like I applied

00:18:59.080 two years ago. You said, no, she's like, yeah, that was two years ago. Now you know what you're doing.

00:19:05.800 And so I went and applied at buckle and I got the job and it was a great job. You know, I was able to

00:19:11.900 start with that store and I opened a different store in Orem. And then eventually they gave me,

00:19:16.180 gave me my own store in Southern California that I opened up and I love the job. And I learned a lot

00:19:20.700 from her, but she says, you're always going to be looking to hire people. You already know. That's

00:19:24.860 what she did with me. She already knew me. She watched me for two years. For two years, she watched 0.60

00:19:28.960 me. She watched me get the training and everything that I needed. And then she hired me because she knew

00:19:34.820 I already had that, that skillset. So the good people, they're not, they're not on like zip recruiter.

00:19:42.720 Okay. Like that's not where the good people are. The good people are already happy and satisfied

00:19:49.700 with where they are. You need to figure out why maybe they're not totally satisfied or see if you

00:19:54.900 can offer them something else that they want. So that's part of the question. The other part of

00:20:00.380 the question is if you can't do it that way, or you don't want to do it that way, then start cherry

00:20:06.360 picking. Think about what your job is and all the calls that you get and don't take all the calls.

00:20:15.020 If you're a, let's say you're a, I don't know, let's say you're a plumber and somebody calls

00:20:20.760 and you're like, Hey, my toilet's not working. Okay. Well, here's Joe Schmo. We don't do those

00:20:26.280 jobs, but here's Joe Schmo. And he does those jobs and Joe can pay you a commission because you

00:20:33.080 refer to somebody. So Joe can pay you a hundred dollars for every referral you get or whatever

00:20:38.540 the deal is. But let's say somebody comes in and says, Hey, I have a major leak. I think the main

00:20:43.840 line from the city water to our house broke. Okay. That's a job that you take, right? Like now you're

00:20:53.660 in the position to cherry pick and you should be cherry picking. You're going to take the big jobs.

00:20:58.760 You're going to take the high paying jobs and then all the other little jobs about, Hey, my toilet's

00:21:03.060 not working or the faucet broke. Okay. Joe Schmo gets those jobs. He gives you a referral, but you

00:21:10.460 maintain your time for the big jobs that pay well where you can actually, you know, make some, some

00:21:18.200 actual serious money on the jobs. Totally. Without knowing what the work is that, that that's a couple

00:21:23.340 of suggestions I would give. And it's funny when you said cherry pick, I thought you meant cherry pick

00:21:27.280 what you delegate. So that's the other thing to consider Jared is like, yeah, true. You know,

00:21:31.180 right now you're thinking like, Oh, I need a technician. Well, maybe, maybe, or maybe you need

00:21:35.780 a part-time person to do the billing. Maybe you need someone to run sales for you. So then that way

00:21:40.560 you're not spending the time doing those lines and that that's where you delegate first. Right. So maybe

00:21:45.260 look at different ways to delegate. The other thing is, especially in the early phases, you know,

00:21:51.060 you might need to cherry pick and identify how you grow someone, right? You're, you're amazing. You

00:21:58.280 obviously think you're amazing. Your clients think you're amazing. You're good at what you do. Okay.

00:22:02.000 Well, now how do you scale and mentor someone that you can bring in at a lower salary, ensure that

00:22:07.940 their work is quality. They have the right work ethic and they're coachable and focus on that. So then

00:22:13.380 that way you're not out trying to find seasoned resources initially. So you can scale that way as well.

00:22:19.000 So maybe just look beyond just the technician and then look at ways that you could possibly even

00:22:24.100 bring in like a junior resource that you can mentor and coach up at a lower rate. And then you can scale

00:22:30.720 from that perspective and maybe even get that person to a position to do the same thing that you did for

00:22:35.500 them. Yeah. I think, as you're saying that Kip, I think about investing. When we, when we think about

00:22:41.340 investing financially, we think here's a, here's a stock that I want to buy, right? Here's a, here's a big

00:22:48.800 stock I want to buy. And I've got $10,000. So I'm going to take my $10,000. I'm going to dump it into

00:22:55.480 that stock and you're going to lose $10,000. When you do that, that $10,000 is no longer yours to

00:23:02.600 have. It's now vested in that stock. And you need to hold that for a period of time. Hopefully you

00:23:08.240 realize again, what you're doing when you invest is you're making a sacrifice because you could have

00:23:13.200 taken that $10,000 and you could have done a remodel on your kitchen. You could have taken your family

00:23:17.980 to Disneyland, even though that might cost $20,000 these days. I don't, I don't know how much Disneyland

00:23:23.720 is, but you could have done a whole lot of other things with that $10,000, but you sacrificed by putting

00:23:31.220 it into this investment in anticipation for something, a future return. Last night I was putting up, don't

00:23:37.620 judge me guys. I was putting up a Christmas decoration. It was like a blow up Santa with

00:23:43.220 reindeer. Don't judge me. I know it's November 15th. Okay. So don't judge me, but he's excited.

00:23:50.560 Yeah. I'm excited. My son's excited. And so we're putting this damn blow up thing out in the yard

00:23:57.260 and it's not going the way I want it to or whatever, you know, and I'm all pissed off and bent out of

00:24:01.760 shape because I'm putting up Christmas decorations. It's like Clark Griswold, you know, it's like,

00:24:06.200 you know, you're all excited and it just doesn't work and it just gets pissed off. Right. Yeah.

00:24:11.800 And kids aren't listening. And yeah, this isn't for you. Damn it. And so I'm putting this blow up

00:24:19.320 thing and, and my youngest son's like, dad, can I help you with it? And if you have a seven-year-old

00:24:25.420 help is a euphemism for be a pain in your ass. Yeah. Take twice as long, right? Totally agitate and

00:24:35.280 annoy you at the same time. Totally. So I'm like, yeah, bud, you can help. You can,

00:24:40.960 you can help me with this. Yeah. So we're driving stakes in and he's hammering it and he's like,

00:24:47.340 just like barely tapping on. I'm like, just hit the dang thing so we can get this done. You know,

00:24:52.880 it's an investment guys. It's an investment. It takes longer. It's more frustrating. You can do it

00:25:00.260 faster yourself. It could have been done an hour ago, but that's not why you do it. You do it

00:25:06.920 because your son wants to help you with it and he wants to learn a skill and it's an investment in

00:25:11.780 him. And so to your point, Kip, about hiring an employee, yeah, it sucks because you got to train

00:25:18.460 him and it takes time and your employees are going to ask what you think are dumb questions, but guess

00:25:25.160 what? They're the same questions you asked when you were an apprentice. And so you have to slow down

00:25:31.480 and you have to explain things and you have to let them try it, even though they're not going to do it

00:25:36.340 as efficiently as you could, but that's an investment in your business. It's an investment in another

00:25:41.600 person. And I think if you look at it that way, you'll have an easier time managing the fact that

00:25:48.260 it's taking twice as long, costing you twice as much money and really just kind of pissing you off.

00:25:55.160 Yeah. All right. Yokov Sujik, what are ways and tips to overcome mental ruts as quickly and

00:26:05.300 efficiently as possible? Okay. So I've thought about this question a lot. What is a rut? Yeah.

00:26:15.180 Unmotivated. I'm just, I know you're not asking me, but like things that come to my mind or when I

00:26:19.840 feel like I'm in a rut, I don't want to do anything. I feel a little depressed. I'm unmotivated.

00:26:26.600 I feel frustrated. Yeah. Those are ruts for me. Think about, and those are ruts, but let me ask you,

00:26:36.600 let me ask you a different way. What is a literal rut? Like literally what is a rut?

00:26:41.840 A dip, like on a, on a chart of success, it's the low part, or it's a rut in the road that requires

00:26:49.020 effort to get out of. That's what I think. It's a rut in the road. Chip, you and I grew up in the,

00:26:54.780 in, on the back roads of Southern lots of ruts, right? It's like, and, and, and we all know the

00:27:01.120 asshole that creates the ruts, right? Cause the road dries after mud season. And it's like,

00:27:06.220 who's the asshole that drove in here and created a rut and ruined it for everybody else. We all know. 0.50

00:27:11.660 Yeah. So what happens if you guys aren't familiar with this, if you're a city folk

00:27:16.020 is you get a snow storm or a wet season, and then it turns into mud. And then some dickhead

00:27:25.380 goes out on the back road a little too early before the, before the mud dries and he just starts

00:27:34.560 tearing up everything. Yeah. And he creates this, you know, six to eight inch rut. Now what's

00:27:40.520 interesting about a rut when the mud dries and it turns to dirt, the rut doesn't go away. The rut

00:27:45.860 stays there. And it's like a track on a, on a roller coaster at Disneyland. You could put your tires

00:27:52.080 in the, in the ruts and you could literally let go of the wheel and you could just accelerate on the

00:27:58.700 gas and the rut will take you where the ruts going to take you. Like it's like, there's no thinking

00:28:06.320 and ruts just going to take you where it's going to take you. Anybody who grew up as a redneck or a

00:28:10.960 backwoods boy knows exactly what I'm talking about. So how do you get out of a rut? You got to pop the

00:28:17.600 wheel out of the rut. You got to, you got to jerk on the wheel a little bit at the right time at the

00:28:21.500 opportune moment and pop that thing right out of the rut. Otherwise you're just going to sit in that

00:28:26.240 forever. And it's going to take you where it's going to take you in life. It's the same thing.

00:28:31.540 We have ruts, right? You do the same thing over and over and over again. And this is scientifically

00:28:38.020 proven. This is like neurology. This is like where Andrew Huberman comes into play. Cause he's

00:28:43.540 significantly smarter than I am when it comes to this stuff, but we create neuro pathways.

00:28:49.780 If we do the same thing over and over and over and over and over again, it becomes

00:28:55.720 easier to do. And sometimes we do it without thinking. Let me give you an example of that.

00:29:00.540 You get in your car, you're ready to go to work. You drive to work, you get to work. Maybe it's a

00:29:07.160 20 minute drive. Maybe it's an hour drive. And you get there. You're like, you think back, you're like,

00:29:11.720 how did I get here? I don't even remember driving here. You were in a rut. You've done it so many times

00:29:17.820 now you're no longer even thinking about how you got to work. Okay. So that's a rut. How do you get out of

00:29:25.220 that neurological pathway? You create a new path. You have to drive a different way. You have to.

00:29:32.900 That's the only way you can do it. So if you're in a rut with a particular woman, you have to do 0.99

00:29:39.500 something different with that woman. Stop going to the same restaurant. Stop having sex the same way 1.00

00:29:44.900 with her. Stop having the same conversation. Stop telling her the same things. Stop wearing the same

00:29:52.040 clothes. Stop everything about what you're currently doing and do something different.

00:29:57.220 And it's going to feel weird. It might hurt because when you pop yourself out of a rut,

00:30:01.420 it's going to be bouncy and scary for a minute. And it's easy to fall back into the rut if you're

00:30:06.780 not careful. It is. But you got to do something completely different. So what can you do? Well,

00:30:11.560 I like hobbies. I think hobbies are a great way. If you're in a rut, let's say you're used to strength

00:30:17.300 training and you're like, man, I'm just hitting a plateau or this is becoming boring. I don't like

00:30:22.180 doing this anymore. Enough with the gym. Go train jujitsu for a couple of months.

00:30:28.680 If you're doing jujitsu and you're like, I'm just like, I feel banged up and it's not fun or exciting.

00:30:35.200 Go to the Muay Thai class right after the jujitsu class. Most MMA gyms have something,

00:30:40.040 right? You guys probably have some sort of Muay Thai class, but go to the Muay Thai class

00:30:44.160 and learn some striking, right? If you want to learn how to cook or you want to learn how to hunt

00:30:51.880 or you want to learn how to paint or you want to start running or you want to shoot firearms or

00:30:57.920 you want to, one thing I actually want to do is I want to learn how to sew. I have short legs. I have

00:31:03.640 a 30 inch inseam. I can never find pants that are the right size for me. So I'm like, you know what?

00:31:09.760 I just need to learn how to sew. So I, I'm going to buy a sewing machine and I'm going to learn how

00:31:16.500 to sew. You know, that's some guys are like, Oh, that's not manly. I don't, sewing doesn't have

00:31:21.820 genitals. So it's not manly and it's not unmanly. It's just putting up Christmas decoration early.

00:31:29.820 Those might have genitals. There's an exception to everything. Okay. So fine. Whatever. 0.80

00:31:38.440 But you gotta, you just gotta do something different. You know, if I'm 20 years old and

00:31:44.020 I'm in this job and I'm like, this job sucks. It's a dead end job and I don't like doing it.

00:31:48.560 I'm 20. I'm going to put three, four, $5,000 in the bank. And then I'm going to quit.

00:31:54.400 I like legit. I'm going to quit and I'm going to go tour the country or, or, or the globe

00:32:00.880 for two months. If I'm 20, I'm not going to do that at 42 years old because I have responsibilities

00:32:06.280 and obligations. If I'm 20, you bet your ass. I'm going to do that. Like the best way to get

00:32:12.320 out of a rut is stop doing the same shit you're always doing and just jerk the wheel and do 0.89

00:32:21.080 something different and make something different out of your life. You can do that whether you're

00:32:26.180 20, 40, 60, or 80. And I know all the alarms are going to go off and say, well, but Ryan,

00:32:33.820 you have this and you have that. And you, so, yeah, I know you can figure all that out, but

00:32:39.000 you gotta do something different because disrupts a great word at this stage of my life, physical

00:32:45.560 or whatever, whatever. Yeah. I'm 42 years old. I don't, I don't want to live the same

00:32:51.440 way. Like I'm, I'm more than halfway through my life. I'm done. Like just doing what everybody

00:32:58.480 else is telling me to do the way I should be doing it. If I want to put up Christmas decorations

00:33:04.920 on November 12th, then everybody else can screw off. And that's what I'm going to do because

00:33:11.280 that's what I want to do. And so what? Yeah. I like it, man. All right. Dan Malone. This is,

00:33:18.520 this is a good question. I think there's more meat to this question than what he's asking. So

00:33:22.380 maybe look for that in here. So he says, my wife resents me because I work from home. I'm an IT

00:33:29.180 manager with six direct reports, make good money, but my job is a hundred percent remote. She's a

00:33:35.360 teacher and has a tough job, but that doesn't mean that in addition to working a fairly demanding job,

00:33:40.840 I should be solely responsible. He says, I should be solely responsible for, for cleaning. I'm

00:33:45.680 assuming this is what she's thinking, cleaning laundry, dishes, chopping firewood, taking kids

00:33:50.260 to school, picking up packages, errands and home projects. I feel like I work 40 plus at the job

00:33:56.220 and another 20 to 30 as a stay on home dad. I don't mind helping out, but no matter how much I do,

00:34:03.580 she still dismisses and downplays my job with little jabs. Like at least you get to work from home.

00:34:09.700 And my job is way harder than yours. So a little bit of comparisons happening. I feel like she

00:34:15.300 doesn't respect my job and I can't win. How do I get her to understand that just because I'm home

00:34:21.480 doesn't mean that my job isn't demanding as well. And, and I know Dan, you didn't say this,

00:34:26.740 but when I hear doesn't respect my job, I think really what we're talking about is doesn't re I

00:34:32.840 don't feel respected period thoughts, sir. Does he say what he does for work? It guy. Yeah. I don't

00:34:43.800 respect it either. No, I'm just kidding. You're like, you know what? She's right, dude. He's right.

00:34:50.160 Move on. Suck it up. Do the laundry, bro. Come on. Um, no, of course your job is demanding.

00:34:58.800 Of course. I mean, look, two things, two things I think with this number one, she doesn't know

00:35:05.740 because she doesn't see your daily activity. So she doesn't know. And how, how could she know how,

00:35:11.480 how, like, cause sometimes in a job like that, I mean, I imagine what you're doing. You're not

00:35:18.940 out building houses and I, and I'm not diminishing the work you're doing by the way. Okay. So,

00:35:23.060 so please don't misunderstand me, but you're not out building a house. You're in front of a computer

00:35:28.860 all day, every day. She doesn't know what you're doing. She doesn't know if you're surfing the web.

00:35:34.860 She doesn't know if you're looking at pornography. She doesn't know if you're actually working. She 0.99

00:35:39.260 doesn't know if you're flirting with other women online. She doesn't know how, how could she know? 0.99

00:35:44.600 So I think there's some discussions about what actually your job entails. Like if you tell her,

00:35:49.900 yeah, I do it. I don't know what that means. What does that mean? I have no idea what that means.

00:35:54.560 That could mean a thousand different things. If you're trying to tell me what it means,

00:35:58.500 if I said, Hey, Dan, what do you do? You're like it. I'm like, Oh, cool. I got it. I know

00:36:01.860 everything about what you do. No, you have no idea what you're doing. Yeah. Are you building websites?

00:36:07.680 Are you helping people with their internet? Are you doing cyber security? There's like a thousand

00:36:13.420 things you could be doing and I don't know what it is. So I think there's some discussion warranted

00:36:19.700 about what your job actually entails because she's making shit up that isn't true because you're not

00:36:26.600 filling her in on what you're doing. So that's, that's part number one. Part number two is there

00:36:34.660 might be some good discussion around boundaries here. Like, Hey, hon, from nine to noon, you don't

00:36:43.100 tell her I'll be doing it because she doesn't know what that means. But what you're going to say is

00:36:48.660 from nine to noon is when I build my clients websites. So I'm building their websites. I'm

00:36:55.540 troubleshooting. Uh, if a client has a problem with their, um, internet provider or their internet

00:37:02.080 service, that's when I'm so, I, I'm so lost when it comes to this stuff, but I'm, I'm like

00:37:10.640 reprogramming IP addresses. I don't know what he's doing. Right. Okay. I just keep going, dude. I,

00:37:19.000 I love it. It's hilarious. I know. Kip's laughing at me because he's an IT. I just love that. You're

00:37:25.580 like, are we building IP? Yeah, dude. Like do your thing. I don't know. I have no idea what you're

00:37:30.860 doing. Okay. So, and she doesn't either. She's more ignorant than me and I don't know her and I'm

00:37:37.040 not bashing on her, but I promise she's more ignorant than me about it. Uh, maybe I was just

00:37:44.000 shut up anyways. So you're going to explain to her from nine to noon. I'm doing this from noon to one.

00:37:49.860 I'm going to take my lunch break, but from noon to one, I'm going to throw some laundry in the guy. 0.79

00:37:55.820 I can throw some laundry in from noon to one. No problem. I can do the dishes from noon to one,

00:38:00.420 but then from one to five. Okay. Now I'm reconnecting to the cloud on the line. I'll be on

00:38:11.820 the line. I don't know what you're doing. And so from one to five, I'm doing this thing,

00:38:19.920 but you know what? At four 30, I can start getting dinner ready so that when you get home at five,

00:38:25.920 like dinner will be like prepped, like this, the stove will be on and you know, the spaghetti will

00:38:31.700 be, you know, cooking or I don't know. I know. I know about as much of cooking as I know about

00:38:37.060 it, but I can start getting dinner ready. I can get all the supplies out or I can go grocery

00:38:42.620 shopping or whatever. Okay. So that's, that's an option. Here's another option. Go rent a space,

00:38:49.780 bro. Yeah. Go rent a space two blocks down for $500 a month and get your office out of the house. 0.66

00:39:00.600 That's another option. I like that option better than the other two that I gave you before.

00:39:05.320 I don't know. What do you have to say, Kip? You know more about this stuff than me.

00:39:10.000 So when I lived in New York, um, I worked onsite with a client and the hours were long.

00:39:17.840 I leave early. I'd come home late. It was long hours. Um, because everyone in New York seemed to

00:39:23.600 be like working till like six and 7 PM at night, you know? And so, um, when we moved back to Utah,

00:39:31.500 Utah, I started working a hundred percent from home within a couple of months, the complaint that

00:39:37.960 I was getting from my kids and from my wife was what you never spend time with us. You're always

00:39:44.780 never doing things. You're working harder. And I'm like, you guys are crazy. I'm working a fraction

00:39:51.100 of what I used to work. But the difference was, is I was in the house constantly saying, no,

00:39:56.520 no, no, leave me alone. No. And I was around and I was shutting them down constantly versus out of

00:40:04.200 sight, out of mind. And so there's a plug for the, for the remote office, right? So that's one thing

00:40:11.060 to consider. And it's just a psychology thing. The other thing that I read here, Dan, that you're

00:40:14.820 saying, and, and maybe you jump back into this, but what I'm hearing is I'm busting my ass.

00:40:22.380 I'm stressed out. I feel like I'm doing my job and I'm not being respected. And my wife doesn't see

00:40:29.560 it. And not on top of that, she's moaning, complaining that it's not enough. That's what

00:40:34.780 I hear. And that might, that might exist whether you're working at home or not. And, and so I would

00:40:41.660 get to the point of why, right? Like start thinking, does she not feel appreciated by you? And that's why

00:40:49.140 you're, you guys are getting into this comparison trap because that's really dangerous, right? Like

00:40:53.580 this idea of like, who's pulling the, Oh, I'm working harder than you were born in this back

00:40:58.540 and forth, man, that's unhealthy. And so maybe get some thought to why is she comparing and she's 0.91

00:41:07.780 seeking validation possibly from you that she's working hard as well. And that's her way of kind

00:41:13.480 of tossing you under the bus a little bit is because she doesn't feel appreciated either.

00:41:17.240 And she may not feel appreciated because you feel that she doesn't appreciate you. And so you're

00:41:22.240 undermining what she's doing. And so you guys might have a little bit of back and forth happening and

00:41:27.200 it's going to be super negative for you. So I would get really present. I think the boundaries are

00:41:31.940 important. You do you, you got to make sure you're in integrity by the way, because this is really

00:41:37.420 simple to maybe do all these things, but you know, you're not working that hard and now you're

00:41:42.140 looking for validation because you're at, because of the integrity gap. So make sure that you're

00:41:46.200 showing up powerfully agnostic of whether she approves of it or not, because it's your job

00:41:51.340 and then figure out why is she seeking maybe validation and appreciation from you. And are

00:41:57.720 you not expressive enough of what she's dealing with? And she's going to bring that back to the

00:42:02.360 table possibly. If you do that. It's powerful, man. Powerful. You have one other thing that I was

00:42:09.600 thinking as you were saying that. I used to do this with my ex. She would ask me about my day

00:42:15.300 and I would have this, this air of like, you don't get it.

00:42:22.660 Totally. And so I would never say that. I would never say like, Oh, you wouldn't get it.

00:42:28.960 Yeah. But no idea. Yeah. But I would, I would explain things to her like bare minimum,

00:42:36.460 like she was stupid and she's clearly not. She's a lovely, beautiful, intelligent woman,

00:42:44.240 but I would treat her like that. And so she would say, Oh, what did you do? I'm like,

00:42:49.340 yeah, I just did a podcast. If that's not what she's asking. Yeah. Right. Instead,

00:42:55.920 what I should have done, what, if I could rewind and do it again, I'd be like, Oh my gosh,

00:43:01.520 I had this podcast with Tip Sorenson and he was talking about like IP addresses and like Microsoft

00:43:10.380 client servers and Mac addresses. It was great. There's flashes all over connecting to the cloud

00:43:19.540 and like things I'd never heard of before. And like the possibilities of like uploading all these

00:43:26.580 weird things. And then like how AI can, you know, mimic this stuff. And now like, I would have

00:43:34.340 explained it to her. I wouldn't abort her, but I would have explained it to her. Like I was excited

00:43:39.780 about it. Cause she's excited about it. She like, if you're like, Oh, nothing. It was just kind of dumb.

00:43:46.180 I had a couple of meetings. It just kind of pissed me off and has sent a few emails out. Of course she

00:43:52.240 thinks you're not doing anything. Cause you're not explaining anything you're doing. Yeah. So if I

00:43:58.460 was going to do it all over again, man, I like, if she asked me about my day, I would, I would share

00:44:04.920 my day and be like, yeah, it was, it was awesome. And then I got this email and this guy was a total

00:44:09.740 dick, but I sent this email back and I was respectful to him. And then he sent an email back and he was like,

00:44:14.860 yeah, man, I'm sorry. I'm having a bad day. And we actually ended up having a pretty cool conversation

00:44:19.700 and he signed up for the iron council. And like, I would have explained it to her what I was doing.

00:44:26.020 Not boring her, but that's what she wants to know, man. She loves you. She cares about you. She wants

00:44:31.220 to know about your day. Like if you were a caveman and you just said, yeah, what'd you do? And you're

00:44:36.160 like, yeah, I went out. I didn't really see anything. But if you went out and you're like, no, I saw this

00:44:40.500 awesome woolly mammoth and I tried to kill it, but it got away. And then all my buddies came and we

00:44:45.880 ended up tracking it down and we like, and we stabbed it and brought it down. And like, here's

00:44:50.360 dinner tonight. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, like treat her with the reverence and the

00:44:55.840 respect that she deserves when she's asking you about something. She cares about it deeply.

00:45:00.400 You may think it's boring because you do it every day, but she wants to know she loves you. She cares

00:45:06.160 about you. She wants to know about your day that I wish I would have done that differently. And,

00:45:10.920 and, and given the chance, and I'm sure this will happen in the future, you know, at some point I'll

00:45:15.280 be in another relationship and or marriage. And those are things that I'll do is like, when she

00:45:19.720 says, how was your day? It's not like good. It was okay. It was fine. No, I'm going to explain it to

00:45:25.700 her because she wants to know about what's going on in my life. And they don't know, right. Unless we tell

00:45:31.280 them that's a really good. And that was my key takeaway from what you said even earlier is like,

00:45:35.800 in letting them know what's going on. Um, yeah, that's, that's huge. Right. Because like,

00:45:42.260 I feel, I remember when I first got an assistant, she was like, let's schedule a meeting and all the

00:45:49.120 things that like are on your mind that you need to address or whatever. It took hours.

00:45:56.720 You know what I mean? Like hours. And she was like, holy crap. Right. Like, really? And I'm like, yeah,

00:46:02.800 really? Like, that's all that's in my head. You know, like let's start grabbing stuff. Right. And

00:46:08.400 it was a lot. And it's funny to think like, does my wife know about that? Does she know that massive

00:46:13.760 list? All those stressful things, all those things I'm dealing with? No. And it's not her fault.

00:46:20.260 Right. That would be my fault for not sharing. Right. And not involving them with what we're doing.

00:46:25.240 You know, Ryan brought up a good point. He's an iron council. He's a great, he's a great team leader

00:46:31.340 of ours. And he, uh, were you on the call last week? No, I was at that. I know. I know. I know.

00:46:37.820 That nerdy conference with IP addresses and stuff. Yeah. No, I knew you weren't on the call. I just

00:46:42.380 wanted to hear you say you wanted to publicly call me out. Yeah.

00:46:45.140 Yeah. But he had said, we were talking about what do we disclose with our wives? And we kind of got

00:46:54.980 into a back and forth a little bit, not just Ryan and I, but everybody had different thoughts. Like,

00:46:59.360 how much do you share and how much do you not share? Yeah. And he had said, no, dude, you share like,

00:47:05.560 that's your partner. Like you share, like what, why wouldn't you share that stuff? And,

00:47:11.620 and I've been thinking about it over the weekend. Cause it really struck me is if you have a bad

00:47:16.980 day at work, you, you should share that actually like hon. Yeah. She says, how was your day? You're

00:47:23.920 like, you know what? Today sucked today sucked. And here's why I had this client call me and he got a

00:47:35.920 proposal from another contractor and he decided to go with this other contractor. And I got on the phone

00:47:41.040 with him and I tried to convince him to stay with us and he didn't. And then right after that, I had

00:47:45.460 an employee come in and you know, they were all bent out of shape about something and they ended up

00:47:50.560 quitting. And then right after that, my boss came in and I got done with all my work and he comes in

00:47:57.420 and he gets this big stack of paper and he just slams it on my desk. And he's like, Hey, I need this

00:48:01.980 done by five o'clock. And it was just a really shitty day. And I'm so glad to be home with you and the

00:48:09.400 kids right now. If I feel a little bit off, that's what's going on. You know, everything's under

00:48:15.140 control. The client unfortunately lost, but that's okay. We got plenty of other clients. We're a little

00:48:21.100 bit of a hit, but we're going to go out and the team and I talked, we're going to hit sales. We're

00:48:25.380 going to get some new clients. The employee, they weren't that great of an employee anyways. So we put

00:48:30.700 out a job listing and I was able to get about 80% of the work my boss told me to get done. So I got

00:48:36.480 that done the 20 I'll knock out in the next two or three days, but I got the bulk of it done. But

00:48:41.540 yeah, it was a shitty day today. And so I don't mean to take it out on you. Um, in fact, let's have

00:48:47.860 some dinner. Let's put the kids down and, uh, let's just spend some time together tonight. That's when

00:48:53.920 you'd watch a movie or, you know, just veg out on the couch or whatever that, that would be helpful

00:48:59.500 for me today. Like, God, you can share that stuff. It's okay. Yeah. And I always, she's going to feel

00:49:07.220 deep, more deeply connected if you do that. Yeah. I've shared this in the past, but like, I really

00:49:12.300 do feel this even to this day. And this just validates it that like most upsets, you know, one

00:49:17.620 of the, the key things that generates an upset, I think is not being fully expressed. And, and it's not,

00:49:24.320 it's not communicating those things. It's, it's we're dealing with it isolated on our own

00:49:28.860 and we're not communicating what the upset is. And the unfortunate part is what happens

00:49:34.940 if I come on this call and I'm acting like a complete ass with you and I don't tell you

00:49:39.760 what's going on. You assume it's me. It's kind of Dick, right? Like he's, it's me. And then

00:49:45.860 you go retaliate back to me and then you're just feeding into the very thing that I'm stressed out

00:49:52.020 about. Right. So yeah, we, we gotta be, yeah, it's tough and I get it. Right. Cause I, this is

00:49:58.320 one of the areas that I have to like be wicked intentional about being fully expressed. Cause

00:50:03.040 I, it's not my default at all. Wicked intentional, man. That East coast has come. I know that was

00:50:09.540 like a Canadian coast, a wick, wick, a coup. Yeah. Canadian that Wiccans can, I thought it was, 1.00

00:50:16.380 I thought it was Maine, Maine, Maine, Maine, but as Mainers do that too. Like I think Canadians

00:50:21.320 always use wicked too. Yeah. Well, maybe they stole it from Maine. All right. William Caleb hair

00:50:29.400 with the state of the country and the world, what sort of first steps would you advise for someone

00:50:34.600 just now preparing for the possibility decline of civilization? And what would you suggest a

00:50:40.180 specific order to these steps? Thanks for all you do for the men around the world.

00:50:44.920 You start where you have the most, the, the, the greatest locus of control and the greatest

00:50:53.160 influence, which is your house. So if I'm going to look at my house, well, here's some things I've

00:51:00.500 done at my house. Security system. Number one, security system. I put a security set. I got cameras.

00:51:08.060 I got alarms. I got security systems around my house. My house is locked down. That's number one.

00:51:14.920 Number two provisions. I got batteries everywhere. Cause who knows if we're going to have power,

00:51:23.520 who knows if we're going to have internet, but I've got batteries. I've got flashlights.

00:51:30.560 I've got firearms staged at different areas of the house, depending on the age of my children,

00:51:35.580 they either do or do not have access to those firearms. My 15 year old is very intelligent. He's

00:51:42.560 very bright. He's very responsible. He has access to my firearm. Should he need those acts at access

00:51:48.900 to those firearms? He knows where things are. My seven-year-old doesn't clearly, right?

00:51:56.720 Food storage is important. So we've got food storage. I'm building up food storage,

00:52:03.200 making sure that if something goes wrong, we've got the food that we need.

00:52:07.360 I'm going around the neighborhood and I'm meeting with my neighborhood, my neighbors.

00:52:13.020 I know all of my neighbors, at least three to four doors each way. I know all of my neighbors

00:52:20.160 because I go talk with them and I see them. When I walk, I talk to them. I ask them about things.

00:52:25.840 I ask them about their kids. I ask them about their life. I ask them about their work.

00:52:29.400 Um, we play with them. Their kids play with mine. We communicate, you know, we have each other's

00:52:35.580 numbers. And then outside of that, I'm talking with my kids about what can go wrong, what to look

00:52:41.580 for. When my, when my kids, sometimes my kids will say things like we'll go to Walmart, for example,

00:52:48.900 my daughter will say, dad, that guy's weird. And I'm like, yeah, he is weird. What, why do you say

00:52:55.740 that? Yeah. What's, I don't know. He, he, he looks like, yeah, he looks like the clothes that

00:53:02.260 he's wearing or like, but the, but like the way that he's acting, like, it just seems weird. I'm

00:53:08.100 like, good observation. Really? Like, cause modern times will tell you, oh, he's not weird. Like he's

00:53:14.600 just expressing himself. No, screw that. That's a weird dude off there. Yeah. And I'm going to be

00:53:20.080 aware of that. And when my daughter acknowledges it, I'm going to be like, yeah, you're right.

00:53:23.720 Yeah. Good idea. What should we do about it? Yeah. I love that. When I get in the car,

00:53:30.340 here's one thing. A lot of people don't think about, I don't ever get in the car before my kids

00:53:36.040 ever. People don't think about that. Like they'll get, they'll get in their car. I see

00:53:43.480 girl men do it all the time. They'll get in their car. They'll put their seatbelt on and they'll wait 1.00

00:53:47.780 for their kids to go around the other side of the car and they'll, and their kids will get in the car.

00:53:52.640 They're already in the car and their kids aren't even in the car. Yeah. So how easy

00:53:56.260 and what do you got to do on buckle? You got to run around the, no, I go to my, like if my daughter,

00:54:02.880 my kids are on the other side of the car, I go open the door. I put them in the car with their

00:54:10.040 seatbelts on. And then I go around to my side. Once the door is closed and secure, and then I go in

00:54:18.260 and then I get in the car. Like people say that's paranoid, but that takes me three extra seconds.

00:54:26.480 It doesn't take any extra longer. When we get out of the car, I tell my kids, look over your right

00:54:32.580 shoulder, look over your left shoulder, know what you're looking at, know what you're getting

00:54:37.360 yourself into before you open the door. So they look, I see them. I can watch them. They look,

00:54:42.700 they're like, Oh yeah, good. Open the door, get out, come around the front and we're good.

00:54:48.720 It's all these little things that I'm training my children to do just as a natural response.

00:54:53.840 And I know there's going to be some weirdos who are going to say, Oh, that's paranoid. Don't worry

00:54:58.440 about that. Well, good. Then you can have your kid kidnapped. Cause I'm not interested in having

00:55:03.260 my daughter kidnapped and sex trafficked. But if you're interested in that, then go ahead and do that. 0.85

00:55:08.160 I'd rather be a little paranoid and not have to worry about that as much as somebody else would.

00:55:14.460 Yeah, totally. So that's, so that's the first thing that we do is we focus on what's going on

00:55:18.960 in the house. We focus on the provisions that we have. And then we focus on the behaviors of our own

00:55:24.520 people, our wife, our children. And then we work out from there. So now it goes to the neighborhood.

00:55:30.000 Yeah. So when you have a neighbor who's, let's say he's, um, let's say he grew up in a city,

00:55:38.280 um, you know, never really shot guns, never really comfortable with, with firearms or never done any

00:55:44.240 jujitsu, or maybe he's a little scrawny and he's never worked out, you know, befriend him and say,

00:55:50.560 Hey, Hey, John, uh, we're going, I'm going to go shoot this weekend on Saturday. Like I've got a

00:55:56.680 couple extra pistols. I've got some targets. I've got ammo. Like you don't need to bring anything.

00:56:01.140 We're just going to go out South for like an hour or two on Saturday morning. Why don't you just come

00:56:05.940 with us? Well, I've never shot before. I know that's, what's cool. Like we'll go out. We're

00:56:10.400 not going to use any high powered guns. We're just going to go out. We're going to put a couple

00:56:13.380 bullets down range and you can see if you like it. Or if, or if somebody has never been hunting,

00:56:18.900 Colin Cottrell did this with me. A lot of you guys know who Colin is. He's in the iron council. He's a good

00:56:23.500 friend of mine now. He's been a friend for eight years. He calls me up and he's

00:56:26.560 like, Hey, Ryan, I want you to go hunting with me. And I'm like, I've never been hunting. He's

00:56:31.380 like, I know that's why I want you to go. I'm like, okay, well, yeah, I'm in. What do I need

00:56:37.800 to do? He's like, you need a rifle. Here's what you need. And you need a bow. I'm like,

00:56:40.820 I don't have any of those. He's like, I know go buy them. Yeah. So I went and bought a Ruger

00:56:47.520 American 308 and I went and bought a Hoyt pro defiant was the first boy I ever shot. And I went to Texas

00:56:53.260 with him and I met him out there. And, um, first day I was out there, I shot a really nice,

00:56:57.680 uh, uh, nice white tail, uh, with my, with my 308, with my rifle. And then a day or two later,

00:57:04.280 I shot my first deer with, with a, uh, with a bow. It's like invite people like have them come

00:57:12.400 along and then we can work out from there. Now I I'm in a different position. Kip, you're in a

00:57:17.320 different position because we have this platform where we're reaching hundreds and hundreds of

00:57:22.640 thousands of men and we're sharing ideas like this, but this is not enough because a lot of you

00:57:28.440 guys are comfortable just listening to a podcast and thinking, oh, well, you know, I listened to

00:57:33.440 Kip talk about jujitsu. So I think I'm good now. It's like, are you a brain surgeon? No,

00:57:40.400 but I stayed at a motel six one time or what, you know, whatever the commercial is.

00:57:43.780 I talk to brain surgeons all the time. So I know how to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Like you actually

00:57:48.420 have to go out and do it. So find somebody in your area and go do it. And there's, there's people

00:57:54.220 in the area. So if you want to learn how to shoot archery, go to the archery shop. It's probably

00:57:59.800 within five miles of you. And you say, Hey, I've never shot a bow before. I'd like to do it.

00:58:04.680 And they'll say, great. Here's a few starter bows that we have. Let's go to the range. And the range

00:58:09.340 is usually there in the shop. And it's like, I've never done this. Can you give me some pointers?

00:58:13.140 That guy's going to give you some pointers because he likes archery. And cause he wants

00:58:17.200 to sell you some shit. So I promise he's going to do it. You go to a gun store and you're like,

00:58:21.560 Hey, I'd like to get a pistol, but I don't know what to get. He's got five pistols that you can try

00:58:25.740 and you should try a five. So you can see what you're comfortable with. And he's going to say,

00:58:30.140 all right, here's your stance. You know, here's, here's, here's how you fire. Here's how you grip the

00:58:36.560 gun. Here's how you do this, this squeeze of the trigger. Here's the follow through. Here's how to

00:58:41.600 reholster. He's going to work you through all of those things. If you want to do survival,

00:58:47.260 type in survival in your area. And I'm, I swear there's a canning class. There's, there's a sewing

00:58:54.000 class there. Like whatever you want is there. So just start small and then just work your way out

00:59:02.640 from there. I had, uh, my daughter, um, we had like a hundred plus orders that I had to do over

00:59:10.040 the weekend. Cause we got new hoodies, we got new hats, we got new beanies. And she had a friend over

00:59:15.120 and I said, Hey girls, what are you guys doing? And they're like, nothing. We're kind of bored. I

00:59:19.160 said, do you want to earn some money? And they're like, yeah, we want to earn some money. I'm like,

00:59:22.900 great. You can help me in the store. So they came out and I said, here's what I need you to do.

00:59:28.840 I'm going to tell you what I need. You got to package it up and I'm going to give you a sticker

00:59:31.940 and you're going to put it on and you're going to put it here. And these two little ladies did a 1.00

00:59:36.880 fantastic job. And it wasn't just my daughter. It was, it was a neighbor's daughter as well that

00:59:43.100 helped. And her mom the other day, last night came over cause she dropped my daughter off. 0.98

00:59:48.520 They were playing and she's like, thanks so much for having her do that. Like she asked if she could

00:59:53.400 do that again. I'm like, yeah, she can come over every Wednesday. If her, if her and my daughter

00:59:57.860 want to fill orders, they can come over every Wednesday and they can fill orders and I'll

01:00:03.120 pay them X amount of dollars for everything that they fill. And she'll have some money and

01:00:07.980 she'll learn how to work. And she's like, really? I'm like, yeah, absolutely. Because now I can

01:00:13.160 expand. And this is the point of being a man. A boy can't even barely take care of himself.

01:00:20.740 Right? Like my, my 10 year old son this morning, he's like, dad, I'm hungry. Go get some cereal.

01:00:26.460 Well, I don't know where it is. I'm like, then starve. Cause I really don't care at this point.

01:00:31.600 He's like, okay. So he got up and he went and got the cereal. Cause I know he knows where it's at.

01:00:36.300 The kid would die if it weren't without me. You know, it's like, you're 10 years old. You don't

01:00:41.140 know where the cereal is. Come on. Um, so a boy doesn't know how to take care of himself.

01:00:47.560 A man knows how to take care of himself. Right? So that's why you see 14, 15 year old kids

01:00:54.200 who I would say are like my 15 year old, I would say is more of a man than some 40 year olds I've

01:01:00.340 seen. Cause he can take care of himself. And then what ends up happening as a man, ideally what's

01:01:06.860 supposed to happen is you can take care of yourself. And then you get to the point where

01:01:12.500 not only can you take care of yourself now you're like, you know what? I think I can take care of

01:01:18.380 that young woman right there too. I'd like to ask for her hand in marriage. And now you can take care

01:01:23.860 of her. And then what ends up happening is you're like, you know what? As a man, I can take care of

01:01:28.980 this woman. I think I can take care of a couple of kids. And so you start having kids. And then after 1.00

01:01:35.480 that, you think, you know, I can take care of my wife and I can take care of my kids. You know,

01:01:41.000 I think I'd like to coach my son's soccer team because I can coach and I can take care of eight

01:01:46.740 other young men in some capacity. And it just builds and builds and builds. And as a man,

01:01:53.360 that's what's supposed to happen. You go from not being able to take care of anybody to taking care

01:01:58.740 of yourself, to taking care of your family, to taking care of your community, to taking care of

01:02:03.940 exponentially growing from there. As always, you can join us on Facebook. That's facebook.com

01:02:12.020 slash group slash order of man. One thing on that last question, Ryan, that I was kind of feeling is

01:02:16.380 what are we talking about? We're talking about sovereignty, right? And I'm assuming we can get,

01:02:22.880 we can still order your book sovereignty from Amazon as well as from the store as well.

01:02:28.160 Uh, if you order on the store, there's paperback copies that are signed. So if you want to sign

01:02:34.460 copy, there's paperback copies. If you want a hard copy or don't care about my stupid signature,

01:02:38.980 you can pick it up on Amazon. Excellent. Excellent. And I think the last call to action

01:02:43.520 is always is to learn more about the iron council. You can go to order of man.com slash iron council,

01:02:49.120 not open, but we will be opening that up in roughly about a month, uh, December, December,

01:02:55.160 right. End of the year. So be prepared for that for when we have a open enrollment coming next

01:03:01.140 month. Yes, sir. Kip, I appreciate you. I feel like I dominated that conversation. So I'll give

01:03:07.320 you a little bit more time next time. Yeah. You're super concerned about not bringing the heat. I was

01:03:11.600 like, I have nothing to add. This is good stuff. So apparently, uh, not needed. That was me not

01:03:17.080 bringing the heat Kip, just so you know, do you just wait until I actually bring it? All right.

01:03:21.460 All right, brother. I love you. I appreciate you. And, uh, guys, great questions today. Keep them

01:03:29.200 coming. We'll keep answering them whether we're right or wrong. I don't know, but we'll keep

01:03:33.320 answering them for you. So go out there, uh, make it a great day, take action and become the man you

01:03:39.960 are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of

01:03:44.940 your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

01:03:51.460 And, um, you're ready to join the order of man. Just slowly coming to the order of man.

01:03:56.360 You're ready to join the order. Have a great job.

01:03:58.840 Unlocking to all of you.

01:04:00.380 Thanks for loving theors and anatomy.

01:04:09.900 Let's do this first.

Order of Man - November 15, 2023

How to Get Yourself Out of a Rut, Doing the Work of Your Shadow, and Re-Establishing Trust With Your Wife ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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