Order of Man - How to Influence People (And, Why You Should)

00:00:00.000 So I pride myself on being a valuable, valuable connector.

00:00:04.200 If a friend comes to me and says,

00:00:05.740 hey man, like, I just hate taking care of the yard.

00:00:09.140 It just takes so much time out of my day.

00:00:11.420 And I know another friend who happens to be a landscaper.

00:00:14.160 And then I connect my friend who's a landscaper

00:00:16.360 with my friend who needs landscaping.

00:00:18.620 Now it's a double win.

00:00:20.000 I win with a friend who needs landscaping

00:00:21.640 and I win with a friend who is a landscaper.

00:00:23.900 But being a connector and leveraging those connections

00:00:26.640 to solve problems is huge.

00:00:30.900 You're a man of action.

00:00:32.560 You live life to the fullest.

00:00:34.000 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:36.940 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time.

00:00:40.360 Every time.

00:00:41.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated.

00:00:43.720 Rugged.

00:00:44.480 Resilient.

00:00:45.440 Strong.

00:00:46.460 This is your life.

00:00:47.540 This is who you are.

00:00:48.960 This is who you will become.

00:00:50.280 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:53.720 you can call yourself a man.

00:00:56.580 Men, influence is not something that we should shy away from.

00:01:00.000 All too often, many people tend to look at influence

00:01:02.900 and conflate it with manipulation.

00:01:05.520 And they are not one in the same.

00:01:07.800 Influence is a matter of inspiring others to do the right thing

00:01:12.380 through honesty, humility, and truth.

00:01:14.620 Whereas manipulation is about lying, being deceptive,

00:01:19.160 and trying to trick other people into doing something

00:01:23.240 that you've already decided you want them to do.

00:01:25.620 And that is the major distinction between influence and manipulation.

00:01:29.980 And today, I'm going to share with you 10 points

00:01:32.440 that you can incorporate in your life to build more influence

00:01:36.080 and why it's so crucial that you do.

00:01:39.520 The fact of the matter is, as protectors, providers, and presiders,

00:01:42.740 as we are as men, it's imperative.

00:01:45.580 Not only just secularly imperative, but it's morally imperative

00:01:50.240 that we build as much influence as we can

00:01:53.260 with the people we love and care about and wish to serve.

00:01:56.000 Guys, I'm going to get into that in just a minute.

00:01:57.660 But before I do, I just want to mention

00:01:58.980 that we have got a brand new event coming.

00:02:01.580 I was going to say online, but it's actually offline.

00:02:04.660 It's going to start May 1st through the 4th.

00:02:06.700 It's in St. Louis or just outside of St. Louis.

00:02:09.300 And as I said last week, I'm hesitant to say Boy Scouts

00:02:15.400 because of what Boy Scouts has become.

00:02:18.180 But if there is a camp similar to Boy Scouts for men,

00:02:23.720 this is going to be it.

00:02:25.120 Not only are you going to hear from some great speakers

00:02:27.020 like Larry Hagner with the Dad Edge,

00:02:29.000 Connor Beaton with Mantox, and Matt Bedreau with Apogee Strong,

00:02:32.040 but you're also going to hear from some VIP guests,

00:02:34.560 and you're going to participate in activities

00:02:36.500 designed to forge new relationships,

00:02:38.240 build camaraderie, and help foster accountability.

00:02:41.680 So check it out at themensforge.com,

00:02:44.400 themensforge.com, and get registered as quickly as you can.

00:02:49.180 Again, today I'm going to be talking about 10 strategies

00:02:51.540 that you can implement every single day

00:02:53.420 to build more influence with the people that you care about.

00:02:56.480 As I said earlier, influence is not a bad thing.

00:02:59.640 Sometimes it has a negative connotation,

00:03:01.760 but again, I'm not talking about deceptive practices.

00:03:05.380 I'm not talking about trickery.

00:03:07.120 I'm not talking about pulling the wool over people's eyes

00:03:09.960 and hoping that they don't find you out

00:03:11.820 so that you can get them to do something you want.

00:03:14.260 I'm talking about being honest, being genuine, and being sincere.

00:03:18.280 And what I would suggest to you is that everything that we want in life

00:03:21.700 is on the other side of influence.

00:03:24.140 Some people would say it's on the other side of hard work.

00:03:26.360 And while I agree hard work is crucial,

00:03:28.920 there isn't an aspect of your life

00:03:31.100 where you're not going to work with other people,

00:03:33.200 whether it's your spouse, your children, your clients,

00:03:37.000 your colleagues, your coworkers, your neighbors,

00:03:39.040 your community members, your board members,

00:03:42.000 whatever that looks like for you,

00:03:43.380 and your ability to have credibility,

00:03:46.120 to have respect, to have authority,

00:03:48.840 and ultimately influence in their lives

00:03:51.160 is going to spell the difference

00:03:52.640 between whether or not your agenda is pushed forward

00:03:55.220 or somebody else's.

00:03:57.280 And your agenda is the most important one.

00:04:00.100 I know that's not going to be popular in today's culture.

00:04:03.880 People are going to say,

00:04:04.940 well, other people's opinions matter

00:04:06.400 and other people are relevant.

00:04:08.060 And I agree.

00:04:09.220 Other people's opinion does matter.

00:04:11.620 But if I have an agenda and it's pure

00:04:14.700 and it's intended to lead my family,

00:04:17.740 lead my business, lead my community,

00:04:19.420 then my agenda is the most important one.

00:04:22.760 And if you don't believe that,

00:04:24.240 then you've got to change your agenda.

00:04:26.320 You've got to come up with something better,

00:04:28.020 more compelling,

00:04:29.360 that you actually can get behind the fact

00:04:31.600 that whatever I decide is going to be the best thing

00:04:34.440 for my family, for my community, and for my business.

00:04:37.840 This is a moral decision.

00:04:39.100 This is not immoral to think this.

00:04:41.060 And it's not ego-driven.

00:04:43.040 My vision, my ideal for life,

00:04:45.600 is to push the agenda that I have forward

00:04:48.320 in hopes that I will serve other people

00:04:51.240 in them pushing their agenda forward.

00:04:54.840 The one thing I will say as I get into these 10 tips

00:04:57.360 is that, guys, we're all in sales in one form or the other.

00:05:01.240 I know that's a swear word in some circles.

00:05:03.800 I know many of you might hear that and think,

00:05:05.380 well, I'm not a salesman.

00:05:06.920 This comes with the professional designation

00:05:09.180 of CPA or attorney.

00:05:11.180 These guys don't think they're a salesman,

00:05:13.000 but they are.

00:05:14.020 And you are a salesman,

00:05:15.240 whether you're in direct sales or not.

00:05:17.860 You're selling your kids

00:05:18.980 on why they should do the dishes.

00:05:20.620 You're selling your wife

00:05:22.200 on why she should be intimate with you tonight.

00:05:24.480 You're selling your clients

00:05:25.540 on why they should do business with you.

00:05:27.440 You're selling your boss

00:05:28.540 on why he should promote you.

00:05:30.280 You're selling your friends

00:05:31.320 on why whatever adventure you have planned

00:05:33.260 is the next thing

00:05:34.160 that's going to be amazing for them.

00:05:36.700 We're all in sales, guys.

00:05:38.260 And the sooner you acknowledge it

00:05:39.480 and recognize it,

00:05:40.340 the sooner you can step into

00:05:41.800 a position of positive influence

00:05:44.420 with other people.

00:05:45.740 And I hope that positivity

00:05:47.720 is inherent in the word influence.

00:05:50.620 If it wasn't, again,

00:05:52.040 I would go back to manipulation and trickery,

00:05:54.660 but I'm talking about doing something

00:05:57.300 with the right motive,

00:05:58.640 the right intent, pure intent

00:06:00.020 and helping other people.

00:06:01.280 Let's get into it.

00:06:02.560 Number one,

00:06:03.800 you actually have to care about other people.

00:06:07.220 I know that might go without saying,

00:06:09.840 but I have seen so many instances

00:06:12.700 from good men, by the way,

00:06:15.060 who are trying to get a hold of a scenario.

00:06:18.660 Maybe it's clients

00:06:19.580 or maybe it's their wife

00:06:20.880 and they're trying to get what they want,

00:06:23.980 but they're cloaking it

00:06:25.140 or disguising it

00:06:26.320 as this is going to be in your best interest.

00:06:29.760 And that's manipulation.

00:06:32.000 Manipulation is

00:06:32.920 I have a predetermined outcome

00:06:34.600 and I'm going to do and say

00:06:36.320 whatever I need to do and say

00:06:37.840 to get you to acquiesce to my goals

00:06:40.660 and my objectives.

00:06:42.540 Influence, on the other hand,

00:06:44.340 is voluntarily having other people decide

00:06:47.620 that they want to follow you,

00:06:49.180 that whatever premise

00:06:50.840 or goal

00:06:53.140 or plan and strategy that you have

00:06:55.640 is going to be in their best interest.

00:06:57.980 And that, as I said earlier,

00:06:59.280 requires humility.

00:07:01.160 It requires honesty

00:07:02.840 and truth

00:07:04.540 and an actual genuine care

00:07:06.980 for other people.

00:07:08.480 I cannot answer the question

00:07:09.840 as to whether or not

00:07:10.460 you care about other people.

00:07:11.640 And all too often,

00:07:12.500 it's very easy to conflate

00:07:13.600 because sometimes

00:07:14.500 our interests are aligned

00:07:16.700 and there's nothing wrong with that.

00:07:18.600 The real question is

00:07:19.740 when our interests are not aligned,

00:07:21.840 are you going to be manipulative

00:07:23.540 or are you going to be influential?

00:07:26.880 Influential tries to find common good

00:07:29.420 or a common outcome

00:07:30.300 that will serve everybody's best interest.

00:07:32.980 Manipulation is just about mine

00:07:34.640 and maybe I can get you to believe,

00:07:37.880 I can trick you into believing

00:07:39.340 that it's in your best interest

00:07:41.080 to do what I want you to do.

00:07:43.060 Guys, you have to actually care about people.

00:07:46.320 Do you really care about your wife

00:07:47.820 or do you care about getting laid tonight?

00:07:50.440 Do you really care about your kids

00:07:51.920 or do you care more about

00:07:53.500 the way they make you look?

00:07:55.100 Do you really care about your clients

00:07:56.720 or do you care about the sales

00:07:58.180 you're going to make?

00:07:58.760 Do you really care about your boss

00:08:00.700 or do you care about the opportunities

00:08:02.480 that he might afford you?

00:08:04.400 Now again, the trick is

00:08:06.440 that sometimes those interests are aligned.

00:08:09.220 For example, if I have career aspirations,

00:08:12.660 I might believe rightfully

00:08:15.120 or not rightfully believe

00:08:17.620 that my boss will help me get to that point.

00:08:22.520 But if I can't do it in a way

00:08:24.520 that also helps him win,

00:08:26.200 then that's not going to be beneficial

00:08:28.560 for everybody.

00:08:29.800 And it's not the right thing to do.

00:08:31.800 Influence is about doing the right thing

00:08:33.220 and actually caring about the people

00:08:35.020 that you have a responsibility to serve.

00:08:37.740 Number two, we have a moral obligation

00:08:41.240 and imperative to be honest.

00:08:42.920 And this is very, very difficult.

00:08:44.660 In theory, it's easy.

00:08:47.540 Be honest.

00:08:48.980 Be truthful.

00:08:50.660 Share what's on your mind.

00:08:51.720 Everybody knows this.

00:08:52.580 Everybody's heard this.

00:08:53.500 In theory, it's very, very simple.

00:08:55.940 It's very, very easy.

00:08:57.460 But when it comes down to it,

00:08:59.480 it's very easy actually in practice

00:09:01.920 to not be honest,

00:09:03.780 to deceive, to manipulate,

00:09:05.620 to trick, to omit,

00:09:08.280 to keep people out of the loop,

00:09:10.580 to say things that we don't necessarily mean.

00:09:13.100 I think honesty is the best policy

00:09:14.980 and that isn't just a clever little quip.

00:09:17.040 That is a way of life.

00:09:18.840 If the best relationships

00:09:21.760 that you're ever going to have,

00:09:23.400 even though they might be more difficult initially,

00:09:25.620 when you're truthful,

00:09:27.320 are the ones that are founded in reality and truth.

00:09:31.260 If, for example, you're in a romantic relationship

00:09:33.600 and both of you are burying your head in the sand

00:09:35.540 and talking about how wonderful each other are

00:09:38.020 without addressing red flags or concerns

00:09:39.940 that you might have

00:09:40.820 or discrepancies in your vision or goals,

00:09:43.600 the relationship is not going to last.

00:09:45.700 You might be able to put two or three or five

00:09:49.660 or even 10 years

00:09:50.540 if you're really good at this under your belt,

00:09:52.740 but ultimately that relationship

00:09:54.400 is destined for failure.

00:09:56.240 If on the other hand,

00:09:57.380 you can address things honestly,

00:09:58.680 let's say you start dating, for example,

00:10:00.240 and you communicate to a woman

00:10:02.380 that you have these goals and ideals and visions

00:10:04.560 and things that you want to accomplish

00:10:05.900 and she's not aligned with that.

00:10:08.620 Are you going to pretend that you're aligned

00:10:10.540 just so you can get laid or get lucky

00:10:13.100 or have some companionship

00:10:14.600 or have the love and adoration of a woman

00:10:16.940 or are you going to be honest with her

00:10:18.580 so that you can serve yourself, right?

00:10:21.840 Be honest with yourself,

00:10:23.180 but also that you can serve her.

00:10:24.960 If her alignment is not in sync with yours,

00:10:30.040 isn't it only fair that you tell her

00:10:32.140 so that she can go out and find somebody else

00:10:34.360 that might have goals and interests

00:10:36.640 that are more aligned with what she's after?

00:10:38.940 But again, that comes back to point number one.

00:10:40.700 You actually have to care about people

00:10:42.100 because if you are only wrapped up

00:10:46.240 in your own interests,

00:10:47.040 you will probably lie and say,

00:10:49.360 oh no, I want the same things you do.

00:10:50.800 And you'll even change.

00:10:52.380 You'll even change your opinions

00:10:53.860 and your perspectives

00:10:54.700 based on the response

00:10:55.960 that you might receive from her.

00:10:57.660 And again, it's destined for failure.

00:11:00.240 It's not a matter of if,

00:11:01.860 it's a matter of when.

00:11:03.340 Be honest in all of your things.

00:11:06.240 And it's easy on the big things.

00:11:08.800 Where honesty is challenging

00:11:10.400 is on little things.

00:11:11.980 And I get some pushback on this,

00:11:13.600 but I stand by what I say when I say this,

00:11:15.860 that if your wife, for example,

00:11:17.140 comes to you and says,

00:11:18.420 hey, how do these jeans look on me?

00:11:20.540 And they don't look good.

00:11:22.340 You owe her honesty.

00:11:24.700 Now, tactfully, I'll throw that out there.

00:11:27.060 And some guys are like,

00:11:27.760 no, no, no, no, no.

00:11:28.520 That's a trap.

00:11:29.720 You know what the trap is?

00:11:31.000 Lying to her and making her believe

00:11:33.480 that you think she looks good

00:11:35.760 and that anything she wants to get away with,

00:11:38.600 you'll allow it.

00:11:39.840 Now, again, I say tactfully

00:11:41.040 because if she comes to you and says,

00:11:43.020 hey, do these jeans look good on me

00:11:44.340 and you don't think they look good on her,

00:11:46.280 then I think you ought to be honest

00:11:48.240 and say, hey, you know,

00:11:49.680 those aren't the most flattering,

00:11:51.560 but I really like these jeans

00:11:54.060 or I really like when you wear those.

00:11:57.160 That isn't hard to do.

00:11:58.760 And so many guys push back on that

00:12:00.440 and say, oh, you're just setting yourself up.

00:12:02.320 No, you're actually, well, you are.

00:12:04.040 You're setting yourself up

00:12:05.240 for a long-term success in the relationship

00:12:07.200 because on the minor things,

00:12:08.920 when you're honest,

00:12:10.000 she knows that on the major things,

00:12:11.660 you're going to be honest.

00:12:13.000 And so she'll come to you

00:12:14.280 because you're a safe, honest,

00:12:16.180 and accurate reflection

00:12:17.180 of the feedback she's looking for.

00:12:19.480 You're going to be able to be that place

00:12:21.200 that she'll come and ask

00:12:22.880 and know she's going to get truth.

00:12:24.660 Like, have you ever had a friendship

00:12:25.980 with someone who you know

00:12:27.520 is just bullshitting you the entire time?

00:12:29.420 Look at these people who are positive

00:12:31.260 every day, every minute,

00:12:33.940 every aspect of their life.

00:12:35.380 I don't believe those people

00:12:36.740 as far as I can throw them.

00:12:38.400 I love their positivity.

00:12:40.860 I think it's infectious.

00:12:42.840 And in fact, I can use it as inspiration

00:12:44.460 at times in my life.

00:12:45.340 But if somebody's positive all the time,

00:12:47.260 every day, every week,

00:12:50.120 I don't believe them.

00:12:53.180 I just don't.

00:12:54.640 I don't believe somebody can be positive

00:12:56.320 like that all the time.

00:12:57.900 So be honest.

00:12:59.420 If you're having a bad day

00:13:00.280 and you're close to that person

00:13:01.280 and you have the relationship

00:13:03.020 to be honest with them,

00:13:03.960 then say, hey, you know,

00:13:04.680 I'm not having a good day.

00:13:06.260 I said that to the woman I'm dating

00:13:07.620 and the other day is

00:13:09.080 we were asking about each other's day

00:13:11.580 through text.

00:13:12.200 And I said, you know, to be honest,

00:13:13.100 this is not a good day.

00:13:15.920 I'm in my head.

00:13:17.320 I'm thinking about things.

00:13:18.680 I'm considering myself a failure

00:13:20.300 at times in my life

00:13:21.240 and I'll be fine.

00:13:22.220 No problem.

00:13:22.920 I'll get over it.

00:13:23.640 And this afternoon or tomorrow,

00:13:25.180 I'll feel better.

00:13:25.700 But no, it's not a good day.

00:13:28.780 That's a little thing.

00:13:31.360 But it's honest.

00:13:33.100 And then I hope that she feels comfortable enough

00:13:35.440 to come to me at some point and say,

00:13:37.480 hey, what do you think about this?

00:13:39.640 Because she knows I'll give her a real answer.

00:13:42.800 And that isn't a permission slip to be a dick.

00:13:44.880 It isn't a permission slip to say

00:13:46.160 whatever you want to say,

00:13:47.060 however you want to say it.

00:13:47.980 But it is a permission slip to be truthful

00:13:49.860 and accurate in the words that you're using.

00:13:53.180 All right, let's move to number three.

00:13:55.320 The most important thing when it comes to,

00:13:57.660 not the most important,

00:13:59.000 but one of the most important things

00:14:00.080 when it comes to influencing others

00:14:01.800 is finding out what their problems are.

00:14:05.400 Again, all too often, we're so selfish.

00:14:07.420 We're so self-absorbed.

00:14:08.880 We're wrapped up in what we want to accomplish,

00:14:11.040 what our problems are,

00:14:12.040 what our struggles are,

00:14:12.960 what our solutions are,

00:14:14.000 that we're not even thinking about

00:14:15.280 what other people might be dealing with.

00:14:16.720 If you want to build influence with other people,

00:14:19.740 start asking them what their problems are.

00:14:21.980 And even if you don't ask them,

00:14:23.380 start listening.

00:14:25.160 Use your ears, guys.

00:14:27.740 And if somebody says,

00:14:28.800 hey, I'm really struggling with X, Y, and Z,

00:14:30.780 you might not have a solution,

00:14:32.220 but at least store it, file it.

00:14:35.080 And that way, if you do have a solution in the future,

00:14:37.400 you'll be able to present that solution to them.

00:14:40.100 Man, we are naturally problem solvers.

00:14:42.020 And I'm going to talk a little bit more about this

00:14:44.520 in another point,

00:14:45.600 but you don't always have to solve the problem.

00:14:48.340 Sometimes you just need to listen and be attentive

00:14:50.420 and see what people are saying.

00:14:52.540 Read between the lines.

00:14:55.480 If your child comes home and they're having a bad day

00:14:58.180 and you've noticed a trend and you ask them

00:15:01.060 and they're saying,

00:15:01.620 ah, just, it's been hard and school sucks.

00:15:05.660 I think it would be important to figure out

00:15:07.440 what about school sucks?

00:15:09.180 Like all of school?

00:15:11.320 Is it a particular teacher you don't like?

00:15:13.500 Are you having an issue with somebody at school?

00:15:17.320 Is there a subject you're struggling with?

00:15:19.860 Maybe there's a learning disability.

00:15:21.380 Maybe it's dyslexia.

00:15:22.820 I'm just using this as an example.

00:15:24.260 My daughter has dyslexia

00:15:26.320 and it would have been very easy for me

00:15:28.800 to chalk that up to she's being lazy

00:15:31.800 or she's not paying attention

00:15:33.280 or she's not applying herself.

00:15:35.740 And I think that's what a lot of guys would do.

00:15:37.860 Instead, my ex-wife and I decided to read between the lines

00:15:42.860 and see that, oh, she is actually suffering

00:15:45.720 from a real learning disorder.

00:15:49.640 And so we can now get her the tools and resources

00:15:52.580 and guidance and direction and learning that she needs.

00:15:56.360 This is about number one, serving other people,

00:15:58.780 but number two, just being very aware

00:16:00.620 of what people's problems are.

00:16:02.920 And then number four is offering solutions.

00:16:05.000 Now, I will give a disclaimer here.

00:16:08.380 Be very, very careful of offering unsolicited advice.

00:16:13.880 If your kid is struggling with,

00:16:15.920 let's say it's your son's very first girlfriend

00:16:18.380 and they're having a struggle in their relationship

00:16:21.260 and he comes to you and says,

00:16:22.480 I'm feeling like crap and she doesn't love me

00:16:25.160 and she's thinking about breaking up

00:16:26.740 and I'm struggling right now.

00:16:28.160 Like you don't need to go in and white knight that stuff.

00:16:31.460 Just let him vent.

00:16:32.900 Vent, that's a problem, obviously, but let him vent.

00:16:36.780 And unless he asks you explicitly,

00:16:39.120 don't worry about solving it.

00:16:41.720 Let him vent, let him talk through it.

00:16:43.400 Let him work his way into his own solution

00:16:45.760 so that he can be empowered to solve his own problems.

00:16:49.520 But there are times where somebody might come and say,

00:16:53.440 maybe in a professional setting,

00:16:55.520 I need a resource for, I need,

00:16:58.680 my business is growing

00:16:59.760 and I need somebody to help me with human resources.

00:17:02.220 I've hired three people

00:17:03.280 and I don't know about the tax implications of it

00:17:06.640 and the sales training and the liability protection.

00:17:08.860 And I'm really looking for some help

00:17:10.480 in the human resources department.

00:17:12.040 And maybe you have somebody,

00:17:13.800 a company that you work with

00:17:15.080 that outsources human resources.

00:17:17.380 That's a great connection that you can make.

00:17:19.140 And that builds influence,

00:17:21.420 especially if they end up doing business with them

00:17:24.580 and they're satisfied and happy.

00:17:26.760 Maybe you're the company

00:17:27.900 that offers human resources services.

00:17:29.720 And in that case, I would say,

00:17:30.840 hey, look, if that's what you're struggling with,

00:17:32.320 this is something that we do.

00:17:33.380 I can help you with that.

00:17:35.140 But if you don't, then offer other people.

00:17:37.740 And I actually think offering help from other people

00:17:41.760 can oftentimes be better than offering help ourselves.

00:17:44.280 And I'll tell you why.

00:17:45.000 You get all of the credibility

00:17:47.080 and all of the recognition for solving problems

00:17:51.480 without having to do as much work.

00:17:53.780 And I tend to be pretty lazy by nature.

00:17:56.400 So if somebody calls me

00:17:57.720 or I recognize that they need some new podcast guests

00:18:01.400 on their podcast,

00:18:03.180 and I reach out to that person and say,

00:18:04.680 hey, man, I can introduce you to this person,

00:18:07.260 this person, and this person.

00:18:09.060 That takes me 10, 15 minutes to make those calls

00:18:11.980 or those texts and that introduction.

00:18:13.440 And then I get all of the credit

00:18:15.400 of introducing that person to this other for the podcast

00:18:18.400 without having to spend three, four, five hours

00:18:20.940 actually doing podcasts.

00:18:23.280 So I pride myself on being a valuable, valuable connector.

00:18:28.440 If a friend comes to me and says,

00:18:30.240 hey, man, like, God, I just hate taking care of the yard.

00:18:33.660 It just takes so much time out of my day.

00:18:35.700 And I know another friend who happens to be a landscaper.

00:18:38.660 And then I connect my friend who's a landscaper

00:18:40.880 with my friend who needs landscaping.

00:18:43.140 Now it's a double win.

00:18:44.960 I win with a friend who needs landscaping.

00:18:46.840 And I win with a friend who is a landscaper.

00:18:50.340 Leveraging your network, building a network,

00:18:52.280 and then being able to formulate connections

00:18:54.400 in the right way.

00:18:55.400 And that's a conversation for a different day.

00:18:57.620 I'll teach you how to do that

00:18:58.560 because there's a right and a wrong way to do it.

00:19:01.060 But being a connector

00:19:02.300 and leveraging those connections

00:19:03.620 to solve problems is huge.

00:19:05.620 It is probably the single greatest tool

00:19:08.680 or method at my disposal

00:19:10.540 to build order a man into what it is today.

00:19:13.760 All right, let's get to number five.

00:19:15.940 Meet people where they are.

00:19:18.280 If you want to build influence with other people,

00:19:20.760 then you need to meet them where they are.

00:19:22.860 Excuse me.

00:19:24.060 A couple of great examples.

00:19:26.460 Whether you like it or not, politics aside,

00:19:29.180 let me give you two examples from Donald Trump.

00:19:31.440 Donald Trump is very, very relatable

00:19:33.120 with his voter base, MAGA, right?

00:19:36.680 Again, I don't care whether you agree with it or not.

00:19:39.040 That is not the point that I'm making.

00:19:40.740 So push that aside.

00:19:42.380 We can have enough emotional intelligence

00:19:45.540 to push that aside for a second.

00:19:47.300 I just want to talk about the relatability factor.

00:19:49.900 When Donald Trump went to McDonald's,

00:19:51.920 and if you don't like Trump,

00:19:53.940 you might think that this was some sort of tactic

00:19:57.540 or some political move.

00:19:59.980 Of course, that's what it was.

00:20:01.220 He's running for office.

00:20:02.060 Of course, that's what it was.

00:20:03.380 But if you're being honest,

00:20:04.860 you cannot deny the fact that it was very relatable.

00:20:08.560 And that's because Donald Trump

00:20:10.140 is really, really good at connecting

00:20:12.040 with blue-collar workers.

00:20:13.320 Now, he's not blue-collar himself.

00:20:15.140 He's probably never worked a blue-collar job in his life.

00:20:18.240 He was born into an empire, a real estate empire.

00:20:22.020 He was handed a lot of money to build an empire.

00:20:25.020 And I know people will discount that and say,

00:20:26.940 well, that's the reason he's successful.

00:20:28.620 Again, conversation for a different day.

00:20:30.420 But the reality is he's not blue-collar.

00:20:32.880 He's not like you.

00:20:33.960 He's not like me.

00:20:34.720 He hasn't done hard work.

00:20:35.940 His hands aren't calloused.

00:20:37.020 It's not the case.

00:20:39.160 But he went to McDonald's.

00:20:41.520 And he put it on the apron.

00:20:43.340 And he related and he connected with people.

00:20:46.000 And because he was genuine about it

00:20:48.160 and he met his constituency where they were,

00:20:51.600 he became very relatable.

00:20:53.640 Now, that's something that Kamala Harris can't do.

00:20:56.320 She's too much of a phony.

00:20:57.600 She's trying to game it.

00:20:59.620 Again, politics aside, I'm just looking at the behavior.

00:21:03.420 She's trying to force things.

00:21:06.100 She definitely doesn't resonate with those people

00:21:09.360 the same way that I think Donald Trump does.

00:21:11.940 And so it comes across as disingenuous.

00:21:13.840 But Donald Trump does a fantastic job

00:21:16.080 at meeting people where they are.

00:21:18.560 Another great example is that over the weekend,

00:21:21.080 I think it was,

00:21:21.720 Biden said that Donald Trump supporters are garbage.

00:21:25.420 And Donald Trump ran with that.

00:21:27.640 And instead of being offended or being upset,

00:21:30.580 he met his blue collar constituency where they were

00:21:34.740 by driving into a presser in a garbage truck

00:21:40.520 that said Trump with an orange road vest on.

00:21:43.660 And not only that,

00:21:44.600 he took that orange road vest

00:21:46.600 and he wore it throughout his entire presentation

00:21:49.620 in front of tens of thousands of people.

00:21:53.600 He's a man who understands how to meet people

00:21:56.480 where they are and not put themselves above others.

00:22:00.320 And that's why he's so relatable.

00:22:03.840 And that's why you can be so relatable.

00:22:05.960 Now, I'm not telling you to be disingenuous.

00:22:07.880 I'm not telling you to be something other than you are.

00:22:10.420 But I'm saying that in an era

00:22:11.960 where everybody is trying to put themselves on a pedestal

00:22:14.620 and put themselves above other people,

00:22:16.840 you need to be a person of the people.

00:22:19.160 Who are the people?

00:22:20.180 Your people.

00:22:22.260 Your wife, your kids, your colleagues,

00:22:24.080 your coworkers, your neighbors,

00:22:25.140 your friends, your community members,

00:22:26.700 the guys in your neighborhood,

00:22:29.220 the kids that you're coaching.

00:22:30.960 When you're talking with your kids,

00:22:32.320 get down to their level.

00:22:33.540 Meet them where they are.

00:22:35.480 If you just stand over them

00:22:36.640 and wag your finger at them

00:22:37.940 and tell them all the things they're doing are shitty,

00:22:39.940 you're not going to build influence.

00:22:41.120 But if you get down on your knee, eye to eye,

00:22:44.560 and you put your hand on their shoulder

00:22:46.120 and you say, hey, look,

00:22:47.120 I know that it's hard in the situation you're in.

00:22:50.180 I know that you know that you've made a bad decision.

00:22:53.560 And so we need to come up with some consequences.

00:22:56.420 But you're honest with them

00:22:58.060 and you're on their level.

00:23:00.600 You're not going to undermine who you are as a father.

00:23:03.340 You're going to actually build yourself up as a father

00:23:05.560 and somebody who can be trusted and respected

00:23:07.380 because of the lessons that you're teaching.

00:23:09.760 Meet people where they are.

00:23:12.260 Walk like they walk, talk like they talk,

00:23:14.460 act like they act.

00:23:15.720 Again, not to trick them,

00:23:17.540 not to trick them, not to deceive them,

00:23:20.980 but to relate with them so you can serve them.

00:23:24.300 Number six, be firm but fair.

00:23:29.240 And there is a way to do this

00:23:30.640 and it's a science and it's an art.

00:23:33.840 You can be firm.

00:23:35.420 You can have boundaries and expectations

00:23:37.740 and you can communicate those boundaries and expectations.

00:23:40.700 When people let you down, you can let them know.

00:23:43.620 Without you being a jerk,

00:23:46.140 without you yelling and shouting,

00:23:48.140 that's one of the things that is a major,

00:23:51.340 major critique by lots of children

00:23:53.220 is that they wish their dad wouldn't yell at them.

00:23:57.680 I've been guilty of that.

00:23:58.960 I'm sure you have as well.

00:24:00.240 We can administer discipline.

00:24:03.840 We can teach lessons without yelling,

00:24:07.680 without belittling or berating or shouting

00:24:10.060 or embarrassing them.

00:24:12.600 We can be clear.

00:24:13.780 We can be calm.

00:24:14.620 We can be level-headed

00:24:15.440 and we can still administer those things.

00:24:17.720 When it comes to bedtime, it's time for bed.

00:24:19.440 I don't need to yell.

00:24:21.440 It just means it's time for bed

00:24:22.760 and I need to be serious about it.

00:24:24.180 There's some other strategies I'll teach you here in a minute,

00:24:26.040 but I need to be serious about it.

00:24:27.420 If somebody doesn't perform the way

00:24:30.700 that they ought to perform at work

00:24:32.220 based on the expectations that I had of them

00:24:34.160 when I hired them,

00:24:35.360 then I'm going to let them know.

00:24:36.440 Now, I'm not going to can them

00:24:37.400 and blow a lid or a gasket

00:24:39.460 and just blow up and fire them.

00:24:42.200 No, I care about that person, right?

00:24:44.420 All of these things work in conjunction.

00:24:46.300 So I care about the person

00:24:47.440 and so rather than blowing up at them,

00:24:49.360 I'm going to say,

00:24:49.860 hey, look, you didn't meet the expectation

00:24:52.380 and it was because of X, Y, and Z.

00:24:55.200 So what can we do to ensure

00:24:57.020 that the next time you have a task

00:24:58.520 or a project come up,

00:24:59.660 we're going to meet the expectation

00:25:02.020 and the standard that I have of you

00:25:03.600 and you can have of me.

00:25:05.560 That's firm.

00:25:06.760 That's fine.

00:25:08.440 Nobody dislikes somebody who's firm.

00:25:11.260 They dislike people who are off the rails,

00:25:14.300 who are loud and obnoxious

00:25:16.600 and egotistical and maniacal

00:25:19.240 and yell all the time.

00:25:21.420 But somebody who's firm

00:25:22.700 about things they've communicated,

00:25:25.340 but they're fair,

00:25:26.300 they still have a level of empathy

00:25:27.980 and kindness and compassion for the person,

00:25:29.760 even in chastising somebody

00:25:32.060 for not performing the way they needed to,

00:25:34.000 that person is highly respected.

00:25:36.100 I mean, I think about referees and umpires.

00:25:38.440 You know, the umpire who doesn't shout,

00:25:41.280 doesn't yell,

00:25:42.020 doesn't get emotionally charged,

00:25:43.620 but is just administering the rules

00:25:45.720 as the best that he can,

00:25:47.500 the best of his ability.

00:25:48.860 That's a person who's respected.

00:25:51.640 And even though you might not like the call

00:25:53.400 and it doesn't always go your way,

00:25:54.860 you can still respect a person

00:25:56.260 who has principles.

00:25:57.640 I remember when I was coaching

00:25:59.100 one of my son's baseball teams,

00:26:01.680 we had this young kid,

00:26:02.580 he was in high school

00:26:03.320 and oftentimes in little league,

00:26:05.420 they bring in high school baseball players

00:26:07.220 to umpire the games.

00:26:08.800 And this particular young man

00:26:10.400 was behind the plate

00:26:11.340 and I can't exactly remember the scenario,

00:26:15.000 but I said to him,

00:26:16.080 hey, like, you know,

00:26:17.200 I yelled at him about something.

00:26:18.360 He made a bad call from my perspective

00:26:20.280 and he came back to his credit.

00:26:24.140 He came back and he said,

00:26:25.080 hey, listen,

00:26:25.660 I know that you might think

00:26:27.040 I made a bad call

00:26:28.000 and subjectively, maybe I did,

00:26:30.760 but in the moment,

00:26:31.480 this is the call that I made

00:26:32.640 and you can either honor and respect that.

00:26:35.260 But the yelling and the shouting

00:26:37.120 is not gonna help you guys

00:26:40.220 win a baseball game.

00:26:41.420 He said something like,

00:26:42.540 he's a young kid,

00:26:43.300 said that to me, a grown man.

00:26:45.000 And I was actually pretty proud of him.

00:26:48.880 And in the moment,

00:26:49.600 I didn't like the call,

00:26:50.460 but the fact that he stood up for himself

00:26:51.880 and he didn't lose his cool,

00:26:53.060 he was very calm and collected,

00:26:54.940 put me in my place, frankly.

00:26:57.220 And after the game,

00:26:58.100 I went up to him and I said,

00:26:59.040 hey, you know,

00:26:59.380 I'm sorry about being upset.

00:27:02.060 He's like, no, that's okay.

00:27:02.820 I know it gets heated.

00:27:03.680 I get heated too

00:27:04.320 when I get competitive.

00:27:05.920 And he's like,

00:27:06.520 I was actually,

00:27:07.100 he told me this.

00:27:07.700 He said,

00:27:08.000 I was really scared to say that

00:27:09.740 because I didn't know

00:27:10.400 how he'd react.

00:27:11.220 And as a young man,

00:27:12.600 of course he's scared,

00:27:13.740 but he had the audacity

00:27:14.660 to do it anyways.

00:27:16.200 He was firm,

00:27:17.220 but he was fair.

00:27:18.720 And I walked away with that

00:27:20.100 with a newfound level of respect

00:27:21.800 for him

00:27:22.480 that I did not have previously.

00:27:24.420 You can be firm

00:27:25.320 and be fair

00:27:26.360 and still get the job done.

00:27:28.620 Number seven,

00:27:30.000 be aware of your give

00:27:31.440 versus take ratio.

00:27:32.960 Now everybody out there

00:27:34.280 is out to get.

00:27:35.840 And that's okay.

00:27:37.100 There isn't anything inherently wrong

00:27:38.920 with going out there

00:27:39.980 and trying to get yours.

00:27:41.040 Make your mark in the world

00:27:42.160 and get your piece of the pie

00:27:43.940 and build an income

00:27:45.400 and build a life

00:27:46.560 and find the woman

00:27:47.500 and raise your family

00:27:48.640 and do all the things

00:27:49.420 that you want to do.

00:27:49.960 There's nothing wrong with that.

00:27:51.660 But when it comes to relationships

00:27:53.620 you have with other people,

00:27:54.680 you need to be very aware

00:27:55.760 of how often you're taking

00:27:57.100 in the relationship

00:27:57.900 versus how often you're giving.

00:28:00.160 Now, I don't know the ratio.

00:28:01.780 I would say it's probably

00:28:02.740 somewhere around the realm

00:28:04.280 of 10 to 1,

00:28:05.680 meaning that for every

00:28:06.940 10 units,

00:28:09.360 if we can break it down that way,

00:28:11.160 of value you're providing to others,

00:28:13.780 you get to extract

00:28:14.920 one unit of value to yourself.

00:28:18.720 Again, I don't know the exact number.

00:28:20.760 I don't even frankly know

00:28:21.800 how to measure this

00:28:22.780 in many instances,

00:28:23.820 but I think it's a mindset

00:28:25.200 that we can wrap our heads around.

00:28:26.860 If I can give 10 times

00:28:29.440 the amount of value

00:28:30.660 that I'm getting in an interaction,

00:28:32.720 then I will always win.

00:28:34.900 So if it's in a professional setting,

00:28:36.600 and somebody is going to pay

00:28:38.240 $97 a month

00:28:39.640 to be part of our

00:28:40.340 exclusive brotherhood,

00:28:41.220 the Iron Council,

00:28:42.180 I want them at minimum

00:28:43.660 to get $1,000 a month

00:28:45.480 worth of value for being there.

00:28:49.060 If I'm in a relationship,

00:28:50.500 a romantic relationship,

00:28:52.460 yeah, sure,

00:28:53.600 I'm there for my own

00:28:54.760 personal gain as well,

00:28:56.120 but I want to add 10 times

00:28:57.680 the value to the relationship

00:28:59.080 that she may be able

00:29:00.060 to give to me.

00:29:01.240 Now, some people say,

00:29:02.360 well, that's not fair.

00:29:04.920 Maybe.

00:29:06.400 I'm not really concerned

00:29:07.700 about what's fair

00:29:08.620 and what isn't.

00:29:09.340 I just know that

00:29:10.100 if I add 10 times

00:29:11.180 the value in any relationship,

00:29:13.100 any interaction,

00:29:14.380 any encounter,

00:29:15.180 any business,

00:29:15.940 that I will inevitably win.

00:29:18.500 Now, I might not win

00:29:19.500 in the micro.

00:29:20.620 I might be in a relationship

00:29:21.800 where I give 100 times

00:29:23.360 the effort,

00:29:24.020 and that person

00:29:24.820 gives no effort.

00:29:26.180 Did I win?

00:29:26.980 No, I didn't.

00:29:28.060 But if I do that 10 times,

00:29:29.680 then of course

00:29:30.360 I'm going to win.

00:29:31.140 If in a business,

00:29:33.300 I give 10 times

00:29:34.400 the value to a customer

00:29:35.760 that they paid,

00:29:38.720 and that customer

00:29:39.580 takes advantage

00:29:40.420 of my ability

00:29:43.340 to be gracious,

00:29:44.760 sure, I might have lost

00:29:45.940 on that particular interaction,

00:29:48.320 but the other nine interactions

00:29:49.780 I'll more than make up for.

00:29:51.940 This is the whole thing

00:29:52.860 of the gambling industry

00:29:54.480 in Las Vegas.

00:29:55.420 Yeah, sure,

00:29:56.000 they're going to lose

00:29:56.600 some money here and there,

00:29:57.520 and they're going to have

00:29:57.860 to pay out $1,000,

00:29:59.260 or $10,000 or $100,000

00:30:00.400 or even $1,000,000.

00:30:02.900 But for every million dollars

00:30:04.340 they're paying out,

00:30:05.200 they're probably making

00:30:06.180 somewhere in the realm

00:30:07.340 of $40,000 to $50,000

00:30:08.680 to $60,000 to $100,000,000.

00:30:10.680 So they can afford

00:30:12.080 to lose a couple of battles

00:30:14.720 because they know

00:30:15.540 they're not going

00:30:16.040 to lose the war.

00:30:17.700 And when it comes

00:30:18.480 to the influence

00:30:19.100 that you build

00:30:19.640 with other people,

00:30:20.560 yeah, you might get

00:30:21.380 taken advantage of.

00:30:23.560 Yeah, you might get

00:30:24.520 raked over the coals.

00:30:25.560 Yeah, you might provide

00:30:26.960 value to somebody

00:30:27.840 and then never show

00:30:28.760 any sort of reciprocity.

00:30:31.460 So?

00:30:33.180 The other 90%

00:30:34.500 of the people

00:30:35.060 that you do that for

00:30:35.880 will, and you'll

00:30:36.580 more than make up

00:30:37.540 for that 1%

00:30:38.920 or that 10%

00:30:39.980 who didn't.

00:30:41.620 So look at those ratios.

00:30:43.020 Again, I don't know

00:30:43.740 what they are.

00:30:45.060 10 to 1 is where

00:30:45.900 I operate.

00:30:47.260 So if I'm interacting

00:30:48.200 with my kids,

00:30:49.060 it's 10 units

00:30:50.280 of value to them

00:30:51.180 for any unit

00:30:52.120 of value that I receive.

00:30:53.240 Now, sometimes

00:30:53.820 this is a little tricky

00:30:54.720 because units

00:30:56.300 of value

00:30:56.720 are sometimes

00:30:57.360 reciprocal.

00:30:58.320 You know, if my son,

00:30:59.280 for example,

00:30:59.720 came to me and said,

00:31:00.520 hey, dad, can we go

00:31:01.180 play catch in the backyard?

00:31:02.620 That's a unit of value

00:31:03.760 that I'm providing

00:31:04.440 to him, but it's also

00:31:05.360 a unit of value

00:31:06.100 that he's providing

00:31:06.760 to me.

00:31:07.620 So that's one

00:31:08.460 to one ratio,

00:31:09.320 but I hope you

00:31:10.040 understand the point.

00:31:10.880 I'm trying to make

00:31:11.560 something that's an art

00:31:13.320 into a science

00:31:14.260 and sometimes

00:31:14.740 that's hard to do,

00:31:15.540 but you guys

00:31:15.960 get the point.

00:31:17.900 Number eight,

00:31:19.220 always follow up

00:31:20.500 on the value

00:31:21.500 that is added

00:31:22.120 to other people.

00:31:22.900 So for example,

00:31:24.400 if to go back

00:31:25.620 to what was it?

00:31:26.500 Point number four,

00:31:27.780 offering solutions.

00:31:29.820 If you needed

00:31:31.440 an introduction

00:31:32.060 on my previous example

00:31:33.440 to a landscaper

00:31:34.400 and I said,

00:31:35.760 well, I've got

00:31:36.020 a good introduction.

00:31:36.900 I've got a friend

00:31:37.340 who's actually

00:31:37.780 a landscaper

00:31:38.480 and I formulate

00:31:39.860 that connection

00:31:40.600 for you,

00:31:41.240 then the best thing

00:31:43.000 I can do

00:31:43.700 in that situation

00:31:44.640 is follow up

00:31:45.500 with you each individually.

00:31:47.620 So I might go

00:31:48.440 to you and your Joe

00:31:49.240 and I might go

00:31:49.780 to Joe and say,

00:31:50.640 hey, Joe,

00:31:51.120 you said you needed

00:31:51.880 a landscaper

00:31:52.620 and I introduced

00:31:53.160 you to Steve.

00:31:54.900 That was a couple

00:31:55.680 of weeks ago.

00:31:56.260 Did you ever

00:31:56.620 end up doing

00:31:57.500 any business

00:31:57.940 with Steve?

00:31:59.400 Again,

00:31:59.800 not for my own gain.

00:32:00.960 It's not for me.

00:32:01.660 I just want to know

00:32:02.440 and connect the dots

00:32:03.460 if I need to.

00:32:04.960 Joe might say,

00:32:05.920 well, yeah,

00:32:06.200 I did talk to Steve

00:32:07.000 and he never came by.

00:32:08.040 Oh, that's interesting.

00:32:08.840 Let me call him for you.

00:32:10.960 Maybe he's busy

00:32:11.640 or maybe he's out of town

00:32:12.720 and so you're trying

00:32:13.360 to add more value, right?

00:32:15.260 Or maybe Joe says,

00:32:16.480 no, I did talk

00:32:17.140 with Steve.

00:32:17.560 He's actually coming

00:32:18.180 next week

00:32:18.760 to start installation

00:32:19.980 on laying sod

00:32:22.020 and doing some gravel

00:32:23.020 work for us.

00:32:24.420 Cool.

00:32:24.980 Good to know.

00:32:26.140 So that's with Joe.

00:32:27.180 Now with Steve,

00:32:28.160 who's the landscaper,

00:32:29.140 I might reach out

00:32:29.740 to Steve and say,

00:32:30.460 hey, Steve,

00:32:31.180 I introduced you

00:32:32.520 to Joe a couple

00:32:33.120 of weeks ago.

00:32:33.640 Did you ever

00:32:33.980 connect with him?

00:32:35.600 And Steve might say,

00:32:37.040 well, you know,

00:32:38.260 I've been so busy

00:32:38.900 I haven't connected

00:32:39.520 with him.

00:32:40.500 Oh, okay,

00:32:41.680 well, do I need

00:32:42.300 to talk with Joe

00:32:43.280 because you're too busy

00:32:44.460 and you won't be able

00:32:44.980 to contact him

00:32:45.680 because I don't want

00:32:46.380 to leave him

00:32:46.660 on the line.

00:32:48.140 And Steve might say,

00:32:49.340 oh, no, no, no, no, no.

00:32:50.320 I'll call him.

00:32:51.020 I'll call him

00:32:51.300 in the next 24 hours.

00:32:52.260 Great, cool.

00:32:52.660 I'll follow up with you.

00:32:54.060 Or he might say,

00:32:54.900 yeah, you know what?

00:32:55.560 I just got a big project

00:32:56.660 on a multi-million dollar

00:32:58.000 project for this

00:32:59.060 sports complex coming up

00:33:01.660 and I don't have

00:33:02.360 any capacity.

00:33:03.140 That's okay.

00:33:04.020 I just call Joe up

00:33:05.040 and say, hey, man,

00:33:05.720 I'm sorry it didn't work out,

00:33:06.920 but it's my job

00:33:07.720 to formulate the connections

00:33:08.760 and follow up.

00:33:11.040 Or Steve might say,

00:33:12.660 oh, yeah, actually, Ryan,

00:33:13.580 I'm coming over next week

00:33:14.560 and I'm going to start

00:33:15.100 some landscaping work

00:33:16.060 for them.

00:33:16.560 I really appreciate

00:33:17.600 you making that connection.

00:33:19.780 It's not a time

00:33:20.480 to boast in it.

00:33:21.300 It's just that's

00:33:22.340 what men do.

00:33:22.920 We just add value.

00:33:23.760 So to Steve,

00:33:24.360 I'd say, oh, man,

00:33:25.500 I'm really glad

00:33:26.660 that worked out.

00:33:28.000 Like, I love Joe.

00:33:29.160 He's been a good friend

00:33:29.900 and neighbor of mine

00:33:30.620 for years.

00:33:31.300 And of course,

00:33:31.920 I love you.

00:33:32.480 We've been friends

00:33:33.040 since high school.

00:33:33.780 And so I'm just really glad

00:33:35.680 that it worked out

00:33:36.240 for both of you.

00:33:37.440 That's all the credit

00:33:38.420 you need.

00:33:38.940 Man, you do that enough,

00:33:39.900 you cannot help but win.

00:33:42.660 Number nine,

00:33:43.280 be a man of your word.

00:33:45.960 Everybody says this.

00:33:47.340 Very few people

00:33:48.160 actually do it,

00:33:48.940 myself included.

00:33:50.740 On the big things,

00:33:51.600 it's easy.

00:33:52.780 You know,

00:33:53.100 if you say you're going

00:33:53.780 to show up

00:33:55.000 or perform

00:33:55.480 or do something,

00:33:56.100 it's pretty easy.

00:33:56.780 But it's also fairly easy

00:33:58.580 to justify

00:34:00.860 or rationalize

00:34:02.580 and back out

00:34:03.840 and make excuses

00:34:05.020 and ho-hum

00:34:06.580 about certain expectations

00:34:08.580 or commitments

00:34:09.400 that you've had.

00:34:10.820 Don't do that.

00:34:12.480 Even if it's something

00:34:13.260 that you're adamant

00:34:14.060 against doing,

00:34:15.120 just do it

00:34:15.720 because you said you would.

00:34:17.000 And there's no other reason

00:34:17.880 to do something

00:34:18.580 other than you said

00:34:19.660 you would do it.

00:34:21.780 And if it's something

00:34:22.480 you don't want to do,

00:34:23.320 just do it

00:34:23.860 and then never commit

00:34:24.840 to doing it again.

00:34:26.280 It's that simple.

00:34:27.580 But you need to feel

00:34:28.440 the weight of your consequences

00:34:29.500 of saying yes

00:34:30.180 to things you don't want to do.

00:34:31.900 And that means

00:34:32.340 you're going to go spend

00:34:33.040 two, three, four, five hours

00:34:34.540 of misery

00:34:35.060 helping a friend move

00:34:36.060 when you didn't really

00:34:36.620 want to do it

00:34:37.180 but you committed

00:34:38.280 to doing it.

00:34:39.780 So be a man of your word

00:34:41.140 and you're going

00:34:41.580 to take some lumps.

00:34:43.200 You're going to spend

00:34:43.820 a lot of time, money,

00:34:44.600 energy and resources

00:34:45.360 doing things you don't want to do.

00:34:46.480 You're going to be miserable

00:34:47.120 in some cases

00:34:48.000 but you know what?

00:34:48.800 You said you would do it.

00:34:50.400 And by going to do the thing

00:34:51.820 not only are you going

00:34:52.360 to add value

00:34:52.960 to people's lives

00:34:53.720 but you're also going

00:34:54.420 to remember

00:34:54.840 oh there's consequences

00:34:56.380 to what I say I'm going to do.

00:34:57.960 And you stop taking

00:34:58.980 your word so lightly.

00:35:00.320 That's the problem.

00:35:01.260 One of the problems

00:35:01.860 with modern times

00:35:03.120 is nobody's word

00:35:04.380 means anything.

00:35:05.300 You know I could say

00:35:07.200 one thing today

00:35:08.020 and just completely

00:35:08.780 blow a bunch of smoke

00:35:09.800 up your ass

00:35:10.440 and not too many people

00:35:12.280 would bat an eye

00:35:12.920 in fact they would expect it.

00:35:15.240 And that expectation

00:35:16.520 of letting people down

00:35:18.280 is an opportunity

00:35:19.080 for those of us

00:35:19.960 who try to be

00:35:20.920 men of our word

00:35:21.900 and men of honor

00:35:22.540 to do the right thing

00:35:23.860 and actually follow through

00:35:25.420 on the commitments we make.

00:35:27.460 Be a man of your word

00:35:29.040 even if you don't want to.

00:35:31.220 And the last point here

00:35:32.400 when it comes to

00:35:33.240 building influence guys

00:35:34.300 is just be consistent.

00:35:36.940 You know I hear

00:35:37.380 from guys a lot

00:35:38.180 for example

00:35:38.800 who are having

00:35:40.100 a hard time

00:35:40.720 in their marriage

00:35:41.240 and they'll say things like

00:35:42.380 I've changed Ryan

00:35:43.400 and I'm being a man

00:35:44.680 of my word

00:35:45.180 and I'm adding value

00:35:46.180 and I'm trying to help

00:35:47.160 and all these things

00:35:48.560 but she's just not responding.

00:35:50.320 Well you know

00:35:51.460 you spent 10 years

00:35:52.540 undermining the relationship

00:35:53.800 treating her like garbage

00:35:55.120 and generally not

00:35:56.380 being a great husband.

00:35:57.480 It might take more

00:35:58.500 than a couple of months

00:35:59.440 of you doing work

00:36:00.780 for her to believe

00:36:01.500 that you're actually

00:36:02.180 a changed person.

00:36:04.280 Give it time.

00:36:06.200 For every unit of time

00:36:07.480 it took you

00:36:08.020 to get to the point

00:36:08.740 you are

00:36:09.140 it's going to take

00:36:09.720 at least that long

00:36:10.700 to improve.

00:36:12.560 Maybe not quite that long.

00:36:14.480 Maybe it's half.

00:36:15.160 I don't know the ratio

00:36:15.860 but if you spend 10 years

00:36:17.500 being a dick to your wife

00:36:18.600 you're not going to change it

00:36:19.880 in 10 weeks.

00:36:21.760 It might take you

00:36:22.260 a couple of years

00:36:22.920 before she believes

00:36:24.200 you're serious.

00:36:26.220 If you've fallen short

00:36:27.240 on every business venture

00:36:28.160 you've ever engaged in

00:36:29.600 and a bunch of people

00:36:30.360 know that you're going

00:36:31.020 to steal their money

00:36:31.980 and not follow through

00:36:32.960 on your commitments

00:36:33.540 it's probably going to take

00:36:34.820 a little bit of time

00:36:36.360 before somebody gives you

00:36:37.560 their first shot

00:36:38.220 and actually believes

00:36:39.000 that you're doing

00:36:39.400 what you're going to do.

00:36:40.340 If you tell people

00:36:41.000 hey I'm going to

00:36:41.580 go to the gym

00:36:42.720 and lose weight

00:36:43.380 and get strong

00:36:44.140 and you've been saying

00:36:45.260 that for 7 years

00:36:46.680 and you look the same

00:36:47.760 if not worse

00:36:48.400 than you did before

00:36:49.180 nobody's going to believe

00:36:50.120 when you say those things.

00:36:51.800 And by the way

00:36:52.160 nobody owes you

00:36:53.140 any sort of sense

00:36:54.100 of obligation

00:36:56.260 or responsibility

00:36:57.000 to believe

00:36:58.280 what you say

00:36:59.020 when you have

00:36:59.440 a track record

00:37:00.020 of not following

00:37:00.840 through on your commitments.

00:37:02.620 Be consistent.

00:37:03.760 You might not see

00:37:04.340 the results immediately

00:37:05.180 but just have faith

00:37:06.080 that doing the right work

00:37:07.460 yields the right results

00:37:08.920 in the right time.

00:37:10.740 Guys it will happen

00:37:11.580 but you have to be consistent

00:37:13.460 and you have to double down

00:37:14.220 on those efforts

00:37:14.840 over long

00:37:15.920 and sustained

00:37:16.580 periods of time.

00:37:18.700 That's my advice.

00:37:19.620 That is a mouthful guys.

00:37:20.640 That is a lot.

00:37:21.440 I hope you took notes

00:37:22.400 and if you take

00:37:23.160 one or two things

00:37:23.940 out of this conversation

00:37:25.000 and you apply them

00:37:25.780 this weekend

00:37:26.260 then I served you well

00:37:27.660 hopefully.

00:37:28.280 That is my goal.

00:37:29.520 So again

00:37:29.880 let's go through this.

00:37:31.240 Number one

00:37:31.620 actually care about others

00:37:33.020 no manipulation.

00:37:34.160 Number two

00:37:34.520 being honest

00:37:35.440 with other people.

00:37:36.960 Three

00:37:37.180 finding out

00:37:38.180 what people's problems are

00:37:39.320 and then four

00:37:39.840 of course

00:37:40.240 is offering solutions

00:37:41.440 or introductions

00:37:42.740 to solutions

00:37:43.520 which I actually think

00:37:44.240 is better.

00:37:45.240 Number five

00:37:45.880 meet people

00:37:46.640 where they are.

00:37:47.400 Number six

00:37:47.860 be firm but fair.

00:37:49.780 Number seven

00:37:50.480 be aware

00:37:51.180 of your give

00:37:52.080 to take ratio.

00:37:53.920 Number eight

00:37:54.360 follow up on value added.

00:37:55.740 Number nine

00:37:56.180 be a man of your word

00:37:57.160 and last

00:37:57.880 be consistent

00:37:59.060 and I'll give you

00:37:59.520 one example

00:38:00.060 of being consistent.

00:38:01.160 We're nine and a half

00:38:02.240 just over nine and a half

00:38:03.180 years into the

00:38:03.920 Order of Man podcast.

00:38:05.140 I have not missed

00:38:06.020 a single episode.

00:38:07.600 That's over

00:38:08.220 fifteen hundred episodes.

00:38:09.960 Now a couple

00:38:10.700 of those weeks

00:38:11.420 maybe three or four

00:38:12.600 when I was going

00:38:13.140 through my own

00:38:13.640 personal struggles

00:38:14.420 were replays

00:38:15.840 of previous episodes

00:38:17.300 but there has not

00:38:18.760 been a week

00:38:19.580 or a release date

00:38:21.960 where I have not

00:38:22.860 released

00:38:23.400 and made a podcast

00:38:24.240 available to you

00:38:25.200 and that's why

00:38:25.720 you trust

00:38:26.240 what we're doing.

00:38:27.020 You know that

00:38:27.560 every Tuesday

00:38:28.840 I'm coming out

00:38:29.440 with an interview.

00:38:30.300 Every Wednesday

00:38:30.880 it's an Ask Me Anything.

00:38:32.020 Every Friday

00:38:32.580 it's a Friday

00:38:33.060 Field Notes.

00:38:33.920 I've been religious

00:38:35.220 about it for ten years

00:38:36.900 and you believe it

00:38:37.960 because I've earned

00:38:39.060 that belief

00:38:39.540 from you.

00:38:40.840 Alright guys

00:38:41.340 that's what I've got

00:38:42.100 for you today.

00:38:42.980 If you would

00:38:43.460 please just leave

00:38:44.020 a rating and review

00:38:44.760 on Spotify,

00:38:45.640 Apple

00:38:45.980 or wherever

00:38:46.840 you're listening

00:38:47.300 and also

00:38:48.260 make sure you subscribe.

00:38:50.260 Take a screenshot

00:38:51.020 right now.

00:38:51.740 Post it up

00:38:52.180 on Instagram,

00:38:52.900 Facebook,

00:38:53.300 Twitter,

00:38:53.640 X,

00:38:54.040 wherever you're

00:38:54.420 doing your

00:38:54.700 social media stuff

00:38:55.560 and get the word

00:38:56.960 out of how

00:38:58.400 we're reclaiming

00:38:59.100 and restoring masculinity.

00:39:00.480 Guys we'll be back

00:39:01.120 next week for a good

00:39:01.920 interview.

00:39:02.380 Until then go out

00:39:03.100 there,

00:39:03.300 take action

00:39:03.860 and become

00:39:04.620 a man.

00:39:09.980 Thank you for

00:39:10.660 listening to the

00:39:11.280 Order of Man podcast.

00:39:13.000 You're ready to

00:39:13.560 take charge of your

00:39:14.320 life and be more

00:39:15.360 of the man you

00:39:15.960 were meant to be?

00:39:17.040 We invite you to

00:39:17.780 join the order

00:39:18.380 at orderofman.com.

00:39:21.020 We'll be right back.

Order of Man - November 01, 2024

How to Influence People (And, Why You Should) ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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