Order of Man - How to Lead Teens, Invest Smart, and Silence Self-Doubt

00:00:00.000 Do we let them do whatever they want?

00:00:01.800 No.

00:00:02.360 So what do we do?

00:00:03.260 We establish expectations.

00:00:05.040 We hold them accountable to set expectations,

00:00:07.040 but it's their choice.

00:00:08.700 And we need to help them make the choices

00:00:12.260 that are aligned with what they want to do.

00:00:15.140 And this is why.

00:00:16.820 And it has nothing to do with like,

00:00:18.440 well, we know better versus them.

00:00:19.820 It has nothing to do with any of that.

00:00:21.020 It's this right here.

00:00:21.900 Ready?

00:00:22.340 There's a big difference when I do something

00:00:25.180 out of compliance versus when I do something

00:00:28.180 that I'm fully committed to.

00:00:30.000 You're a man of action.

00:00:32.920 You live life to the fullest.

00:00:34.380 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:37.320 When life knocks you down,

00:00:38.660 you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:41.780 You are not easily deterred or defeated,

00:00:44.080 rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:46.820 This is your life.

00:00:47.920 This is who you are.

00:00:49.320 This is who you will become.

00:00:51.060 At the end of the day,

00:00:52.200 and after all is said and done,

00:00:54.080 you can call yourself a man.

00:00:58.160 Sean, we do it again, sir.

00:00:59.620 How are you doing?

00:01:00.640 Great.

00:01:01.200 How are you?

00:01:02.520 Yeah, good, man.

00:01:03.480 I had a good weekend.

00:01:05.080 Took the family to Arches for a little mini adventure.

00:01:09.920 And it was great.

00:01:11.180 And now back to it.

00:01:12.420 How about you?

00:01:12.960 Are you guys have spring break yet?

00:01:15.820 Yeah, we already had spring break.

00:01:17.500 Come and gone.

00:01:18.140 We were in Hawaii for that.

00:01:19.660 So that was a good time.

00:01:20.940 Poor thing.

00:01:21.600 Yeah.

00:01:21.740 Yeah.

00:01:22.620 Big Island.

00:01:23.600 What's your guys' island of choice?

00:01:26.400 We go to a different island every year.

00:01:28.300 So we're actually looking for a place on Oahu on the North Shore.

00:01:33.720 So just a half,

00:01:35.140 so I can get my surfing in since I'm landlocked now in Tennessee.

00:01:39.400 Yeah.

00:01:40.100 But we go to a different island every year.

00:01:41.980 This year it was Big Island and Oahu.

00:01:44.200 So we did both.

00:01:45.400 And it was a good time.

00:01:47.040 Dude, I love Big Island.

00:01:48.800 I've been once,

00:01:49.800 and I was surprised how much I loved it.

00:01:52.140 I just love the kind of small town feel on the Big Island.

00:01:57.840 But we'll be going to North Shore actually in a couple months.

00:02:02.440 We're looking forward to that.

00:02:04.360 Yeah, we almost got a place on Big Island.

00:02:06.620 It's just so diverse.

00:02:07.720 It's like it has everything.

00:02:09.580 And like you said, everyone's just so cool.

00:02:13.280 Yeah.

00:02:13.840 Yeah.

00:02:14.260 It's super chill.

00:02:15.240 In fact, I have a,

00:02:16.400 maybe I shouldn't put them on blast.

00:02:18.180 When I went to Big Island,

00:02:19.420 I always try to train, right, when I travel.

00:02:22.340 Went into BJ Penn's gym.

00:02:25.240 At the time, Penn was training for a UFC fight.

00:02:29.640 So he wasn't in his gym.

00:02:32.020 And, but his brother was there.

00:02:34.400 And I can't remember his brother's name.

00:02:36.540 Anyhow, dude, it was,

00:02:38.880 it's the opposite of,

00:02:41.560 you know how everyone says like,

00:02:43.000 jujitsu is a brotherhood and it's all cool.

00:02:45.580 And everybody's welcome.

00:02:46.600 They just kicked your ass.

00:02:47.820 Oh yeah.

00:02:48.160 It was, it was a class.

00:02:50.600 And then,

00:02:51.560 and BJ's brother is like,

00:02:53.620 okay, let's train.

00:02:55.160 And he's like,

00:02:55.980 you,

00:02:56.820 me and him in the middle of that mat,

00:02:58.600 no one else trained.

00:02:59.920 They all sat in a circle.

00:03:02.020 And him and I just went at it for a 10 minute round.

00:03:06.860 Jeez.

00:03:07.360 No,

00:03:07.660 no one was even watching.

00:03:09.280 Right.

00:03:09.680 And, and full disclosure,

00:03:10.960 he just destroyed me.

00:03:14.040 Um, so it was a,

00:03:15.640 a furnace is fire.

00:03:16.820 You know what I mean?

00:03:17.280 It was,

00:03:17.700 he just put me in the fire and I just,

00:03:19.720 you know,

00:03:20.020 try to hang.

00:03:20.700 I got good training in after it,

00:03:22.180 but you know what I mean?

00:03:23.280 It was a little bit like,

00:03:24.420 oh man,

00:03:24.960 all right,

00:03:25.340 here we go.

00:03:26.020 You know,

00:03:26.300 it's like when I was a kid moving to a new school and getting in a fight,

00:03:29.360 you know,

00:03:29.620 it's like,

00:03:30.000 all right,

00:03:30.420 let's just bang,

00:03:31.540 get this over with.

00:03:33.220 Uh,

00:03:33.580 you're better than me.

00:03:34.420 I'm not going to pretend that you're not,

00:03:36.320 but it is what it is,

00:03:38.020 you know,

00:03:38.720 and get our training in,

00:03:39.780 but yeah,

00:03:41.440 crazy.

00:03:41.980 Was his brother as flexible as him too.

00:03:44.700 Um,

00:03:45.080 yeah.

00:03:45.760 Yeah.

00:03:45.980 That's crazy.

00:03:46.460 Super flexible.

00:03:47.580 Good guards.

00:03:48.660 Yeah.

00:03:49.640 So,

00:03:50.540 but anyhow,

00:03:52.120 put him on blast,

00:03:55.200 Dick.

00:03:55.960 Um,

00:03:56.480 all right.

00:03:57.700 We'll,

00:03:58.200 uh,

00:03:58.460 get into questions,

00:03:59.440 man.

00:03:59.720 So we got questions from the foundry from the iron council,

00:04:02.880 as well as Facebook,

00:04:03.800 just a couple from the iron council brothers.

00:04:06.360 Um,

00:04:06.760 our first question,

00:04:07.600 right.

00:04:07.820 Is,

00:04:08.160 is really around investments.

00:04:09.540 And I,

00:04:10.400 I'm actually personally,

00:04:12.140 I'm very interested,

00:04:13.240 Sean,

00:04:13.500 and what you're going to have to say about this,

00:04:14.920 right?

00:04:15.120 So Reagan butts,

00:04:17.660 assuming you have 10 K to invest today,

00:04:20.280 all credit card debts and other short-term debts have all been paid.

00:04:23.920 And your emergency fund is fully funded.

00:04:26.420 Where are you investing with the current market trends?

00:04:31.000 Yeah.

00:04:31.680 And I have to be careful with this one.

00:04:34.480 Being securities licensed,

00:04:36.500 all of those things,

00:04:37.640 you know,

00:04:37.960 that this is not financial advice that I'm giving.

00:04:42.480 And it's going to be very basic because of that.

00:04:45.440 Um,

00:04:46.060 and,

00:04:46.480 uh,

00:04:46.680 honestly,

00:04:47.160 like I,

00:04:48.200 I don't really like the investment shows,

00:04:50.700 quote unquote,

00:04:51.140 that they have the Ramsey's,

00:04:53.340 the Susie Orman's that,

00:04:54.640 you know,

00:04:54.860 those,

00:04:55.360 those drive me nuts.

00:04:56.640 And the reason they drive me nuts is,

00:04:58.400 even though he gave me a little background,

00:04:59.980 um,

00:05:01.240 I still don't know enough.

00:05:03.420 I don't know age.

00:05:04.360 I don't know goals.

00:05:05.160 I don't know what he's trying to achieve.

00:05:06.540 What do you want the 10 grand for?

00:05:07.900 What do you,

00:05:08.120 I mean,

00:05:08.260 there's so many questions.

00:05:09.120 Good point.

00:05:09.720 Right.

00:05:10.720 And he said short-term debts.

00:05:12.600 So what long-term debts are there?

00:05:15.020 Yeah.

00:05:15.260 Why wouldn't you pay those down?

00:05:17.520 Yeah.

00:05:17.760 So totally full disclosure.

00:05:19.560 Yeah.

00:05:19.820 I mean,

00:05:20.580 there's just,

00:05:21.000 there's a lot of questions to be asked.

00:05:22.480 Right.

00:05:22.740 And so what I will say is that any investment,

00:05:26.540 if you're looking long-term,

00:05:27.980 there needs to be three questions you got to ask.

00:05:30.740 Do you have the possibility for double digit returns?

00:05:34.680 I would look at that.

00:05:35.880 So any investment you want has to have the possibility for double digit returns.

00:05:39.680 If not long-term,

00:05:41.680 you're not going to end up in a comfortable spot.

00:05:46.400 If comfortable is the,

00:05:47.640 the word you want to use,

00:05:49.180 it's not going to grow the way it needs to.

00:05:52.540 So you need to be able to get double digits.

00:05:55.320 When the markets are doing well,

00:05:56.980 obviously the markets this week,

00:05:58.640 not doing well.

00:06:00.080 I mean,

00:06:00.940 or when,

00:06:01.660 by the time this comes out,

00:06:02.620 we could say last week,

00:06:03.680 we're recording this on Monday and it's getting hammered again today.

00:06:08.320 And so,

00:06:09.640 but,

00:06:11.680 you need to be able to get double digits.

00:06:14.040 The second thing is you need to look at is what's downside protection that you have in that investment.

00:06:22.560 So you've always heard that it's risk versus reward.

00:06:28.280 So how much risk are you taking on in trying to get those double digits?

00:06:33.600 I mean,

00:06:34.240 you can look at individual stock,

00:06:35.880 obviously that's higher risk.

00:06:37.500 You can,

00:06:38.240 if you pay attention to beta,

00:06:39.380 when you're looking at stocks or mutual funds or those types of things,

00:06:42.720 you know,

00:06:42.960 maybe that's an indicator of the risk you want to take on.

00:06:45.160 But maybe there's some guaranteed options you want to look at,

00:06:49.520 which there's a lot of now.

00:06:51.600 There's,

00:06:52.080 there's things out there that give you downside guarantees or a floor where you're not going to lose if the market's down,

00:07:00.260 but still give you double digits when the market's doing well.

00:07:02.740 So that's the second thing.

00:07:04.200 What's your risk that you're taking on with that investment?

00:07:07.140 And then the third thing,

00:07:08.160 which a lot of people overlooked is what's your tax consequence going to be on that money?

00:07:13.440 Meaning when you invest long-term,

00:07:16.620 there's three ways you get taxed.

00:07:17.860 You get taxed now,

00:07:19.120 meaning in a mutual fund,

00:07:20.900 you get capital gains every year,

00:07:22.340 savings account,

00:07:23.260 you know,

00:07:23.440 those types of things where you get 1099 every year.

00:07:28.260 So that knocks into your return,

00:07:30.440 by the way,

00:07:31.200 because if you're paying short-term capital gains at 25%,

00:07:34.580 you earn a 10% return,

00:07:36.600 your net return seven and a half percent because of the tax every year.

00:07:39.980 So to avoid that,

00:07:42.060 you want to be in something tax deferred or tax exempt.

00:07:45.820 Tax deferred is your retirement accounts,

00:07:49.540 401ks,

00:07:50.080 stuff like that,

00:07:51.040 which those get taxed when you take your money out of them.

00:07:56.360 They go in pre-tax.

00:07:57.820 There's no tax on growth,

00:07:59.160 but then when you draw income,

00:08:01.240 you pay ordinary income tax on that.

00:08:04.440 And half the people I sit down with that have 401ks and IRAs and 457,

00:08:09.980 and deferred comps and TSAs and all these things,

00:08:12.960 they're all the same thing tax wise.

00:08:15.220 Half the people I sit down with that have them think that as long as they

00:08:18.340 wait till after 59 and a half,

00:08:19.980 they don't have to pay taxes on them.

00:08:21.820 Not true.

00:08:23.980 You're going to have to pay tax.

00:08:25.060 You just don't have to pay an extra 10% penalty on top of the tax for early

00:08:29.660 withdrawal by waiting for 59 and a half.

00:08:32.040 And so if you want to avoid the taxes,

00:08:37.160 you need to be in something tax exempt,

00:08:38.860 which is after tax dollars,

00:08:40.680 you've already paid taxes,

00:08:41.960 get the money in your paycheck.

00:08:43.520 That's what it sounds like he has.

00:08:44.880 He's already paid the taxes on it.

00:08:46.820 So if he's already paid taxes on his money,

00:08:49.180 he has 10 grand,

00:08:50.440 I would try and put it in something that's tax exempt.

00:08:54.960 There's different things,

00:08:56.080 Roth IRA,

00:08:57.160 there's things called IULs,

00:08:58.500 VULs,

00:08:59.140 there's,

00:08:59.400 you know,

00:09:00.100 insurance products,

00:09:00.800 muni bonds challenge with muni bonds is you're not getting the double

00:09:03.880 digit returns.

00:09:04.680 Like I talked about,

00:09:06.020 you know,

00:09:06.260 but they are tax exempt.

00:09:07.440 So I'm looking into things like that.

00:09:09.940 The ideal is having all three and I'll just leave it at that.

00:09:14.260 Obviously you can go a lot of places with that,

00:09:16.480 but these are the overlooked questions that most people,

00:09:20.980 when they're looking at investments,

00:09:22.080 they're just looking for what's the most bang for my buck.

00:09:25.720 What's going to get me the best return?

00:09:27.600 What's,

00:09:28.480 you know,

00:09:29.020 the biggest upside.

00:09:30.720 and a lot of it's about avoiding taxes is,

00:09:33.960 is one of the critical elements of determining your investment.

00:09:37.100 Yeah.

00:09:37.400 Well,

00:09:37.600 avoiding taxes and avoiding loss,

00:09:39.000 especially if it's not extra money to you.

00:09:40.860 One thing it does sound like is that this is foundational for him.

00:09:44.520 This isn't something that he can necessarily afford to lose or take big

00:09:48.320 losses on or take a lot of risk in.

00:09:50.380 And so when you're foundationally growing your nest egg,

00:09:54.300 I think it's important to pay attention to those things even more closely than I

00:09:59.520 got 10 grand now.

00:10:00.460 What's the stock I want to bet on?

00:10:03.720 Yeah.

00:10:04.380 I mean,

00:10:04.900 I,

00:10:05.180 even Ross,

00:10:05.860 right?

00:10:06.060 Like if your income is above a certain amount,

00:10:08.440 you can't even invest in Ross.

00:10:09.860 Correct?

00:10:10.700 Yes.

00:10:11.600 Yeah.

00:10:11.860 There's limitations.

00:10:12.600 And obviously the,

00:10:13.880 the amount you can put in annually is limited.

00:10:17.460 So you couldn't even put 10 grand in at once,

00:10:21.540 unless he's married again,

00:10:24.100 one of those questions that wasn't in there,

00:10:25.760 you know,

00:10:27.320 and then they can each contribute and,

00:10:29.920 and sneak 10 grand in there.

00:10:32.260 Yeah.

00:10:33.960 Wild.

00:10:34.700 All right.

00:10:35.240 There you go.

00:10:35.940 I have no opinions about this stuff.

00:10:37.460 So,

00:10:37.760 all right.

00:10:39.320 And here's the thing too,

00:10:40.640 as the market's down,

00:10:41.820 I'll say this to everybody.

00:10:43.280 If you can't sleep at night right now,

00:10:44.920 because the market's down,

00:10:46.340 you really need to put a lot of your money in a place where it's not going to

00:10:49.160 lose when the market's down.

00:10:50.760 You know,

00:10:51.060 if it doesn't bother you and you're thinking,

00:10:52.580 Oh,

00:10:52.740 how can I get more money to buy right now?

00:10:55.280 Then that's,

00:10:56.140 those are the people that should be in equities because they understand that

00:10:59.380 they're not worried by it.

00:11:00.320 They,

00:11:00.620 you know,

00:11:01.240 are looking long-term.

00:11:02.240 And if you're really having trouble sleeping at night,

00:11:05.000 it's like you need to talk to somebody and get in a place where it's,

00:11:08.280 you're not going to take those losses.

00:11:10.220 Yeah.

00:11:10.940 Yeah.

00:11:11.620 Okay.

00:11:12.600 Dalton Harward with April's book of the month in mind,

00:11:16.200 which is essentialism for,

00:11:18.660 for everyone listening.

00:11:20.580 How can we navigate the trivial tasks that are piled up on us day on our day

00:11:25.680 jobs,

00:11:26.340 meetings that accomplish nothing busy work,

00:11:29.240 which isn't tracked and audited.

00:11:30.740 If a job seems to be full of things,

00:11:33.260 which can be clearly defined as trivial,

00:11:35.520 is it a sign?

00:11:36.800 It might be time to move on.

00:11:39.500 So a little bit of a,

00:11:41.040 how do we navigate the trivial when it piles up?

00:11:45.000 And then the second part is,

00:11:46.400 is the trivial whirlwind a sign that I need to move on?

00:11:52.200 Yeah.

00:11:52.580 And I'm not totally understanding if he's saying move on from the job or move

00:11:56.620 on from the tasks.

00:11:58.800 Good point.

00:11:59.580 I just assumed moved on from the job,

00:12:01.660 but yeah.

00:12:02.820 You know,

00:12:03.260 and that's,

00:12:04.880 so I'll,

00:12:06.700 I'll answer it thinking that he's saying move on from the job.

00:12:11.060 And it,

00:12:12.840 if you feel like your hands are tied in bureaucracy or in corporate

00:12:19.560 structure or in having to do menial tasks that don't move the needle,

00:12:26.060 I think that's an indicator that you need to move on.

00:12:29.500 And if it's beyond a,

00:12:31.320 you know,

00:12:31.720 one quarter,

00:12:32.560 one year,

00:12:33.440 a couple of years,

00:12:34.800 then it's,

00:12:35.720 I think it's kind of overdue.

00:12:39.300 It also,

00:12:41.200 I mean,

00:12:41.600 almost any bureaucracy,

00:12:42.880 almost any corporate environment,

00:12:45.100 you're going to spend a lot of time in things that,

00:12:47.840 if you're really productive and you're really efficient,

00:12:52.320 are going to feel unnecessary.

00:12:55.540 And I'm sure you've been stuck in that environment,

00:12:59.240 you know,

00:12:59.900 hundreds of times,

00:13:00.840 maybe more.

00:13:02.400 And sometimes though,

00:13:04.660 when you're looking at a team,

00:13:06.780 if you're the efficient one in that team,

00:13:09.200 it's always going to seem like that.

00:13:10.660 So you also have to look at who you are in that position at that company,

00:13:17.980 because,

00:13:19.340 okay,

00:13:19.600 for you,

00:13:21.180 is it,

00:13:21.620 is it menial and unnecessary and,

00:13:24.780 and wasting time?

00:13:26.120 Or is it required for the majority of the people at that company you're at?

00:13:34.140 And so that's important too,

00:13:36.420 because if,

00:13:38.040 if it seems menial to you,

00:13:40.680 or if it seems time wasting,

00:13:42.080 but it's necessary for the majority of people at the firm you're at,

00:13:49.300 unless they're all low level and they're,

00:13:53.340 and they're not operating at,

00:13:55.420 at the level that you think is available out there in the marketplace,

00:13:58.940 then you may find the same thing at another job.

00:14:03.720 You may find that,

00:14:05.560 you know,

00:14:05.920 that's just the way,

00:14:07.600 because,

00:14:08.260 you know,

00:14:08.560 corporations are,

00:14:09.780 it's the 80,

00:14:10.420 20 rule,

00:14:11.040 right?

00:14:11.300 They generally cater to the 80% of the people that aren't generating 20% of the work,

00:14:19.760 because that's just how numbers work.

00:14:23.140 It's the law of averages.

00:14:24.960 And so if you're a 20%er,

00:14:26.860 you're going to be frustrated in any corporate environment or bureaucracy.

00:14:31.560 And so that's just from the hip,

00:14:35.620 the initial thought that comes to mind is it's beyond structuring your day to be the most efficient.

00:14:42.100 It's less of that and more of maybe you're a high achiever.

00:14:49.040 Maybe you're very efficient.

00:14:50.240 Maybe you're operating at a higher level than the people around you.

00:14:54.180 And moving jobs may not be less frustrating,

00:14:58.400 you know,

00:14:59.040 so maybe it's not another job that you need to look for,

00:15:02.740 you know,

00:15:02.960 or you need to find another job where you,

00:15:06.560 it's more challenging for you.

00:15:09.640 So you're not feeling like everything's a menial task.

00:15:15.880 Yeah.

00:15:16.860 This,

00:15:17.420 this is a good,

00:15:18.020 this is a good question.

00:15:19.080 I like this Dalton.

00:15:20.420 I'm going to be a little,

00:15:21.760 maybe a little assertive with you without knowing the nuance,

00:15:26.600 right?

00:15:26.960 Of the company and the culture and the environment and your boss and everything else.

00:15:30.900 But let's first make this distinction.

00:15:33.020 There is book after book after book that addresses this issue of,

00:15:41.200 and I think Stephen Covey,

00:15:42.740 those guys call it the whirlwind.

00:15:45.700 Your day job will be full of the whirlwind.

00:15:49.180 And that's why they have an entire book around what matters most,

00:15:53.280 defining your rocks and making those things a priority.

00:15:56.840 Look at our personal lives.

00:15:58.680 How often are we busy at home and we're doing the things and it's the whirlwind

00:16:03.000 of maintaining a home and having kids.

00:16:06.080 And you forget that the priority is to build relationships and develop your

00:16:11.180 kids.

00:16:11.620 This is normal.

00:16:13.440 And now I'm not saying it was,

00:16:14.900 it's okay.

00:16:15.560 I'm just saying it's normal for a lot of people to get distracted with the

00:16:21.620 whirlwind of life.

00:16:22.840 This is why you see people all the time that are like nothing going on in their

00:16:28.300 lives.

00:16:28.640 And they're like,

00:16:29.280 Hey,

00:16:29.420 Sean,

00:16:29.780 how you doing?

00:16:30.380 Oh,

00:16:30.520 I'm so busy.

00:16:31.740 I'm so busy.

00:16:32.520 Why?

00:16:33.100 Because the whirlwind just shows up.

00:16:34.560 It's like you could be doing nothing in life and you'll end up being busy,

00:16:38.900 whatever.

00:16:40.160 And they're busy for this primary reason because they have been passive in the

00:16:47.740 actions they take in life by saying yes to everybody and ultimately outsourcing

00:16:53.240 the demand of their time to everybody,

00:16:55.540 but themselves.

00:16:56.520 So they lack intentionality around what they're doing.

00:16:59.880 Dalton mark.

00:17:01.460 Mark my word.

00:17:02.100 That's exactly what's happening.

00:17:03.700 Oh,

00:17:04.000 I have all this busy work.

00:17:05.140 It trivial crap.

00:17:06.160 Why are you doing it then?

00:17:08.900 Why in the hell are you doing it?

00:17:11.920 Because someone asked you to,

00:17:13.600 someone asked you to do something that's trivial.

00:17:16.720 And then you said,

00:17:18.460 yes.

00:17:20.660 What you should be doing is someone asked you to do something trivial and you

00:17:23.880 should go,

00:17:24.600 why would I do that?

00:17:26.520 That sounds trivial.

00:17:27.780 That sounds like busy work.

00:17:29.280 That sounds like a waste of time.

00:17:31.160 Help me understand how or what outcome we're wanting to achieve with this

00:17:36.700 task.

00:17:37.240 Or discuss the alternative.

00:17:40.680 Like if you're going to ask that question,

00:17:42.920 if it seems menial,

00:17:44.120 that means you have a more important task to do.

00:17:46.580 So make sure they understand that.

00:17:48.820 Totally address it like freaking address it.

00:17:53.160 So anybody listening that's like,

00:17:55.280 oh my gosh,

00:17:55.780 my job's this way.

00:17:56.820 I do a bunch of work,

00:17:58.080 busy work and I hate it.

00:17:59.180 And I'm just like a ticket taker and it's all trivial.

00:18:01.980 And I don't see the outcome.

00:18:03.200 What are you doing about it?

00:18:06.340 Like,

00:18:06.700 seriously,

00:18:07.180 what are you doing about it?

00:18:08.400 You're your own CEO.

00:18:10.920 You own your job.

00:18:13.140 And you're wasting your time doing shit.

00:18:16.880 You shouldn't be doing.

00:18:17.940 Are you joking?

00:18:20.380 So push back,

00:18:22.500 learn more,

00:18:23.740 ask,

00:18:24.300 why are we doing this?

00:18:25.740 Get clear on what's the desired outcome of the trivial task.

00:18:29.520 Cause sometimes you may think of trivial and it's really not.

00:18:33.200 And it's your job to figure out why are we doing this thing?

00:18:36.560 And if you get clarity of why you're doing something,

00:18:39.400 and if it's not driving the needle forward,

00:18:42.100 actually say something.

00:18:44.300 Hey,

00:18:44.820 Kip,

00:18:45.020 I don't understand why we're doing this.

00:18:46.960 This seems trivial.

00:18:48.080 From my understanding,

00:18:49.620 X and X is happening somewhere else.

00:18:51.640 And this would be a waste of my time.

00:18:53.660 I might appreciate that as your boss.

00:18:55.620 I might go,

00:18:56.860 holy crap.

00:18:58.060 Dalton,

00:18:58.380 I had no idea.

00:18:59.820 Thanks for bringing it up.

00:19:00.740 Thanks for being a leader and addressing the issue and making sure we're not wasting our time.

00:19:10.260 Now,

00:19:11.460 Dalton,

00:19:11.760 I went hardcore on you a little bit,

00:19:13.160 right?

00:19:13.400 To like drive,

00:19:14.120 drive the point home here.

00:19:15.320 But like,

00:19:16.040 now you might say,

00:19:17.480 Hey,

00:19:17.620 my bosses are this way.

00:19:18.680 I've tried this.

00:19:19.320 I don't,

00:19:19.860 we don't know that.

00:19:20.580 Right.

00:19:20.840 And so my judgments aren't being harsh with you,

00:19:22.800 Dalton.

00:19:23.000 I'm just trying to use this as an example.

00:19:24.740 But if anyone's not fully committed and engaged in the work that they're doing,

00:19:30.020 shame on you.

00:19:30.920 You have two options.

00:19:32.240 Address the issue and get fully committed and engaged or leave and get somewhere where

00:19:36.180 you're fully committed and engaged.

00:19:37.700 Period.

00:19:39.580 Like that's in you.

00:19:40.900 And Sean,

00:19:41.260 you already alluded to that,

00:19:42.280 right?

00:19:42.620 You might want to exit.

00:19:43.880 Why?

00:19:44.620 Because maybe you're in an environment where you're just a cog in the process.

00:19:47.740 And you try to address it.

00:19:50.660 But if you haven't addressed it,

00:19:52.040 guys,

00:19:52.960 holy shit,

00:19:54.360 do something about it.

00:19:55.800 Love the work that you're doing.

00:19:58.120 And if you can't,

00:19:59.280 then move on and find somewhere where you're aligned and you'll love the work that you're

00:20:02.700 doing.

00:20:03.240 But whatever you do,

00:20:04.420 do not be passive around the work that's being assigned to you.

00:20:08.480 It's a waste of your time.

00:20:09.580 It's a waste of your employer's time.

00:20:11.180 It's a waste of your energy.

00:20:12.660 It's a waste for everybody.

00:20:14.500 Address it and do something about it.

00:20:18.440 Yeah.

00:20:18.680 You know,

00:20:18.980 it's essentialism.

00:20:21.580 Basically that book is,

00:20:22.960 I mean,

00:20:23.280 it is the seven habits.

00:20:25.340 It is the,

00:20:26.340 you know,

00:20:26.780 the power of habits.

00:20:27.980 It's the same principle.

00:20:29.000 It's a lot of times over.

00:20:30.340 It is.

00:20:30.700 It is the same principles,

00:20:31.980 but all of those books,

00:20:33.480 including essentialism says that you're efficient in the things and you plan the things that you can

00:20:40.540 control so that you are being proactive instead of reactive.

00:20:45.940 That's what all of them say,

00:20:48.300 every single one of them.

00:20:49.280 And so the things you're talking about,

00:20:52.000 if there's anything within your control,

00:20:54.360 like Kip said,

00:20:55.920 you have to make the people around you aware of that and,

00:21:02.820 and start taking control instead of just being passive and allowing things to happen to you.

00:21:09.920 And so maybe you look at that.

00:21:13.160 What are these tasks?

00:21:13.980 How am I getting stuck in these things?

00:21:16.060 What can I control?

00:21:18.040 What can I bring up?

00:21:20.100 And if there's some risk in bringing those things up,

00:21:22.740 then I think definitely leave.

00:21:25.500 If there's risk in bringing up inefficiencies from your job,

00:21:30.080 and there's a risk of getting fired because you give pushback or you,

00:21:34.180 or you sound off or you open dialogue.

00:21:38.620 And if it's toxic that way,

00:21:41.140 then there's not much you can do,

00:21:42.900 but maybe you're just not speaking up and maybe you start speaking up and having these conversations.

00:21:46.760 You don't have to do it in group meetings,

00:21:48.320 but you start going one-on-one and trying to cut out some of these inefficiencies.

00:21:56.700 I think good leadership,

00:21:58.160 if you have good leadership where you are,

00:21:59.960 will appreciate it.

00:22:01.040 And if you have bad leadership,

00:22:02.580 they won't.

00:22:03.580 And then maybe that's your indicator.

00:22:05.220 It's time to move on.

00:22:06.600 Yeah.

00:22:06.980 This comes down to

00:22:09.080 that people have lost sight of the power of choice.

00:22:14.860 And most people are living their lives,

00:22:18.220 not making a choice.

00:22:21.080 They do things.

00:22:22.180 Why?

00:22:22.400 Because their wife expects them to do it.

00:22:24.300 They do things grudgingly with,

00:22:27.280 in a,

00:22:28.460 in a,

00:22:29.480 shoot,

00:22:29.660 what's the word I'm looking for here?

00:22:31.020 Like in a compliant manner to go along,

00:22:34.220 to get along.

00:22:34.780 It's the horrible quote of like,

00:22:36.480 happy wife,

00:22:37.300 happy life.

00:22:37.920 It's such bullshit.

00:22:39.820 Really?

00:22:40.580 Okay.

00:22:41.000 Yeah.

00:22:41.300 Uh-huh.

00:22:41.980 You don't want to do it,

00:22:43.140 but you'll do it just to appease everybody else.

00:22:45.480 You're a nice guy.

00:22:46.800 And people operate this way.

00:22:49.220 This is why they're disempowered because they're not making a choice.

00:22:52.260 They're being pushed around by everybody.

00:22:54.500 I wrote this on Friday because we talked about this on our Friday call on the Iron Council.

00:23:00.100 We have all hands calls,

00:23:01.380 two of them on Fridays.

00:23:02.500 And I wrote this down and maybe this is a good way to sum this up.

00:23:06.560 I wrote,

00:23:07.020 the moment we forget we have choice,

00:23:09.800 we give our power away.

00:23:13.400 Choose choice on purpose.

00:23:16.460 We live in a world that often makes us feel like we have no choice,

00:23:20.260 but do,

00:23:20.760 but we do.

00:23:21.640 And when we forget that,

00:23:23.340 we give away our power.

00:23:25.680 Choose intentionally.

00:23:27.300 Your life depends on it.

00:23:29.360 Too often we operate as if we're powerless,

00:23:32.060 as if our circumstances are chosen for us,

00:23:35.260 but choice is always there.

00:23:38.260 Even when limited,

00:23:39.640 how we respond is ours alone.

00:23:42.940 When we stop believing in our power to choose,

00:23:45.600 we surrender it,

00:23:46.800 handling control over others.

00:23:49.160 Growth starts when we reclaim that power of choice with intentionality.

00:23:56.720 Make a choice.

00:23:58.120 And if you're doing something that you choose not to do,

00:24:01.000 then you got to address it.

00:24:03.980 Awesome.

00:24:04.580 And as a side plug for the IC,

00:24:07.880 as you say that,

00:24:09.120 that's what makes the iron council so powerful because nobody's getting paid to

00:24:13.820 lead the iron council.

00:24:15.800 It's every single person that's on those calls we're talking about is there

00:24:19.300 because they have a lot of the time.

00:24:22.020 They've made the choice to be a leader in that role,

00:24:25.440 be a part of those calls and help grow the organization because they care.

00:24:29.820 And that's any group that is being led that way with that intention and with that focus

00:24:40.300 is a group I'd want to be a part of.

00:24:44.000 And so,

00:24:44.560 yeah,

00:24:44.920 just a side note,

00:24:45.760 but that's,

00:24:46.300 it's obvious why the IC is so powerful and why it helps so many guys.

00:24:51.500 Totally.

00:24:52.460 All right.

00:24:53.040 Mario Contreras,

00:24:55.020 how can I earn?

00:24:56.900 Oh,

00:24:57.460 so he says U13 soccer team.

00:25:00.040 So I'm,

00:25:00.420 I'm assuming like a youth age 13.

00:25:03.300 Okay.

00:25:04.040 How can I earn my U13 soccer team's respect,

00:25:08.120 focus,

00:25:08.700 and sense of urgency?

00:25:10.380 We've had two big losses,

00:25:12.500 seven and one and one close game,

00:25:15.080 one and zero.

00:25:15.980 I'm feeling discouraged.

00:25:17.680 I want to be a strong leader for them,

00:25:19.680 but I'm not sure what else to do beyond training and staying persistent.

00:25:24.280 What would you do differently?

00:25:27.920 I would have fun.

00:25:29.520 I would,

00:25:32.920 I would remember that they're 13 years old and it's,

00:25:40.120 yeah,

00:25:41.020 it,

00:25:41.360 it sounds like you're teaching fundamentals.

00:25:43.720 It sounds like you're,

00:25:46.240 you know what you're doing.

00:25:51.360 And the most important thing is you care.

00:25:54.920 It's obvious you wouldn't have asked the question if you didn't.

00:25:58.480 I think the challenge in youth sports that I see anyways,

00:26:03.140 as a large majority is that some guys take themselves too seriously in that

00:26:13.080 role.

00:26:13.940 It's not,

00:26:15.140 you're not preparing them for college.

00:26:18.900 You're not preparing them to be a pro athlete.

00:26:21.300 And I think we forget that when we're coaching youth sports that,

00:26:26.960 and where most people get carried away is that's what they think they're doing.

00:26:32.660 They think they're preparing these kids for,

00:26:36.840 um,

00:26:38.480 some professional career,

00:26:40.400 some college career,

00:26:41.860 things like that.

00:26:42.900 Your number one job is to teach them fundamentals so that they understand the game and then help them to love that game.

00:26:50.680 And that's not going to happen for every kid.

00:26:53.860 Some kids aren't going to like soccer.

00:26:55.600 And some of them are on your team.

00:26:57.360 Some already don't like it.

00:26:58.760 And they're on your team at 13 years old.

00:27:01.980 Some are there because their parents are making them be there.

00:27:04.400 And then you're going to get a handful that just love it and are awesome and are coachable and listen,

00:27:10.320 and that's all they want to do,

00:27:11.720 but that's rare.

00:27:13.180 And so,

00:27:13.860 um,

00:27:14.900 just keep teaching those fundamentals,

00:27:17.720 keep caring,

00:27:18.860 keep putting in the effort,

00:27:20.660 um,

00:27:21.340 keep not accepting losing,

00:27:24.400 but also don't get caught up in the wins or losses.

00:27:27.980 Um,

00:27:29.140 I can tell you like coaching,

00:27:32.020 uh,

00:27:32.980 for the last 10 years now in baseball and being active in some capacity and all the other sports,

00:27:39.680 um,

00:27:41.260 that my kids are involved in.

00:27:43.880 Um,

00:27:44.900 I,

00:27:45.540 I can give you more examples of parents that took themselves too seriously with their kids.

00:27:55.700 And by the time they got to high school and college,

00:27:58.140 they wanted nothing to do with that sport anymore.

00:28:00.880 Then I can give you examples of kids that,

00:28:04.060 um,

00:28:05.340 had fun,

00:28:06.140 that understood the fundamentals,

00:28:08.560 knew the hard work necessary to operate at the highest level.

00:28:13.140 Um,

00:28:13.760 but then those coaches and those parents left it up to the kid.

00:28:19.260 And those are the ones that most likely ended up playing in high school and college and loving the game.

00:28:25.040 And,

00:28:25.400 you know,

00:28:25.600 maybe even further into later on down the road coaching at some point.

00:28:30.480 And,

00:28:30.940 um,

00:28:31.600 I,

00:28:31.860 I've seen that over and over and over again from my,

00:28:34.680 all the way back to when my dad was coaching as a kid.

00:28:36.980 My,

00:28:37.280 my dad coached kids that are now in the major leagues and he's,

00:28:40.740 you know,

00:28:41.100 coach some who quit after 13 year,

00:28:45.360 you know,

00:28:45.760 and,

00:28:46.380 um,

00:28:46.920 that's not up to you to decide.

00:28:48.460 It's up to those kids.

00:28:50.140 Um,

00:28:50.900 but keep doing what you're doing,

00:28:52.660 except start having a little more fun,

00:28:55.180 maybe smile a little more,

00:28:56.480 maybe focusing on what they're doing,

00:28:58.640 right.

00:28:58.940 Not what they're doing wrong,

00:29:00.220 you know?

00:29:01.180 And,

00:29:01.680 um,

00:29:03.440 you know,

00:29:04.300 that's,

00:29:05.000 I think that's a good start at least.

00:29:07.880 Yeah.

00:29:08.320 I mean,

00:29:08.660 I love,

00:29:09.440 I love leadership stuff and I love it because it shows up everywhere.

00:29:13.900 Right.

00:29:14.400 It's like,

00:29:14.900 okay,

00:29:15.240 Mario translation.

00:29:16.800 You have a team at work.

00:29:18.920 They're constantly not hitting their metrics over and over teams losing.

00:29:24.100 How do you gain the respect,

00:29:25.460 focus,

00:29:25.780 and sense of urgency?

00:29:27.960 Same answer,

00:29:29.820 same exact answer.

00:29:31.420 Right.

00:29:31.640 So if I went to you,

00:29:32.660 Sean,

00:29:33.140 and I'm not winning,

00:29:34.700 right?

00:29:34.960 Like I'm not,

00:29:35.920 I don't know.

00:29:37.080 I'm not making the salary I need or these things,

00:29:40.260 you know,

00:29:40.540 I'm not winning from a work perspective.

00:29:42.920 What,

00:29:43.200 what Sean would probably do is break it down and say,

00:29:46.760 all right,

00:29:47.280 Kip,

00:29:48.420 what is winning?

00:29:49.560 What's,

00:29:49.880 what's change winning in the game that we have?

00:29:52.180 What's winning for you?

00:29:53.920 Guess what it is.

00:29:54.640 It's less turnovers this game.

00:29:56.740 So that's,

00:29:57.400 that's going to be my win or my win.

00:29:59.600 This game is to at least have three scores,

00:30:02.460 right?

00:30:02.720 Like,

00:30:04.140 dude,

00:30:04.440 this is,

00:30:05.080 this is about the game.

00:30:08.240 It's not about winning the game.

00:30:11.040 It's about the kids on the soccer team growing period.

00:30:16.480 So what is it that you can help them grow with?

00:30:20.000 Resilience in the face of failure over and over.

00:30:23.500 How to maintain a positive attitude,

00:30:25.980 despite the fact that I'm on a losing team,

00:30:28.520 how to get better at something while I lose constantly.

00:30:32.720 Holy crap.

00:30:33.580 What a great chance.

00:30:35.020 But if you get too sideways as a leader and this,

00:30:38.340 this shows up in the workplace all the time,

00:30:40.360 you get too sideways in leader and you're upset and you're not positive and

00:30:45.580 you're not weathering the storm in a positive way.

00:30:48.420 And instead you're like getting into like everything's falling apart.

00:30:52.400 Your team's going to pick it up from me,

00:30:54.040 man.

00:30:55.180 So you need to change your mindset.

00:30:57.040 And I think the mindset is when,

00:30:59.200 if you can,

00:31:00.520 but the bigger game here is the kid.

00:31:03.260 How do they learn and grow in the framework of soccer,

00:31:09.740 right?

00:31:10.160 How can you use soccer to help them develop as individuals?

00:31:13.420 If it results in a win,

00:31:15.200 awesome.

00:31:15.880 If it doesn't,

00:31:17.020 that's okay too,

00:31:18.140 but help them see how they can still win,

00:31:21.240 become better despite all of that.

00:31:24.600 And,

00:31:25.160 and then now you're,

00:31:26.400 you're playing the,

00:31:27.220 the most important game of leadership and it's not soccer wins.

00:31:31.400 Right.

00:31:33.280 Yeah.

00:31:33.760 And it's also 13 years different than travel soccer and,

00:31:38.260 you know,

00:31:38.700 you travel,

00:31:39.480 you're recruiting,

00:31:40.300 you're recruiting a team,

00:31:41.140 you're putting them together.

00:31:42.160 You're finding the kids that want to play,

00:31:44.400 that want to be there,

00:31:45.420 that have the drive that parents are supporting them.

00:31:49.260 And,

00:31:49.740 you know,

00:31:49.940 and so it's just a different thing where in 13,

00:31:52.980 you,

00:31:53.220 you're getting everybody from everywhere.

00:31:55.640 You know,

00:31:55.960 like I said,

00:31:56.560 some kids don't even want to be there and now they're on your team.

00:31:59.420 And so I think what Kip says spot on,

00:32:02.380 if they're improving,

00:32:03.660 you gauge your season by that.

00:32:07.100 I mean,

00:32:07.940 I can tell you,

00:32:08.540 I,

00:32:08.920 most of my coaching years have been winning seasons.

00:32:11.980 I had one losing season where we had more losses than wins.

00:32:16.540 That was three years ago.

00:32:18.720 And that team didn't know they were one of the worst.

00:32:22.700 In that league.

00:32:25.700 And when we got to playoffs,

00:32:27.140 we actually made it to semi.

00:32:28.380 We went far in the playoffs,

00:32:29.720 but the reason we went far is because our records suck,

00:32:32.820 but we went far in the playoffs because these kids had so much confidence

00:32:36.400 because I pointed out before we got to playoffs,

00:32:39.300 how much better they were from beginning of the season,

00:32:41.860 man,

00:32:42.520 you were doing this at the beginning.

00:32:43.600 Now you're doing this.

00:32:44.460 You used to not swing.

00:32:45.400 Now you're swinging there.

00:32:46.340 And even if they weren't hitting,

00:32:48.040 just pointing out what they were doing,

00:32:49.340 right,

00:32:49.620 where those improvements were.

00:32:51.260 And all of a sudden they thought like,

00:32:52.940 man,

00:32:53.200 no one can beat us.

00:32:54.720 We were like,

00:32:55.400 we sucked as our record.

00:32:57.360 And everyone probably looked at us like,

00:32:59.260 Oh,

00:32:59.400 this is going to be easy win.

00:33:00.380 But that's also why we did good in the playoffs.

00:33:01.800 Cause people underestimated us and they underestimated their confidence because,

00:33:06.480 and it had nothing to do with what was actually happening,

00:33:10.680 you know,

00:33:11.600 as much as what they thought of themselves and as well as they thought well of

00:33:15.640 themselves that they were making progress.

00:33:17.540 That's all that mattered for that season.

00:33:19.220 And by the way,

00:33:19.980 after we ended up,

00:33:20.980 you know,

00:33:21.780 finally losing in the playoffs,

00:33:23.780 like those kids still loved each other as teammates.

00:33:28.360 They still had a good time.

00:33:30.320 We had a great team party.

00:33:31.560 It was a winning season in their mind because they felt good about it.

00:33:38.620 And when you're,

00:33:39.080 when you're coaching you sports,

00:33:40.280 I think that should be the main thing,

00:33:43.000 you know,

00:33:43.440 and keeping that the main thing and kudos for coaching,

00:33:47.100 bro,

00:33:47.240 because there's not,

00:33:48.680 there's definitely a lack of men out there doing that.

00:33:52.300 So just the fact that you're there is a huge win for your community.

00:33:56.640 Totally.

00:33:57.360 So let's,

00:33:58.060 let's wrap this question up with this comment.

00:34:00.080 What would be,

00:34:01.720 and I'll,

00:34:02.080 I can go first as an example,

00:34:03.880 but like,

00:34:04.620 what would,

00:34:05.360 what's one of the best lessons that you were ever able to teach doing youth

00:34:10.680 sports,

00:34:11.640 coaching in youth sports.

00:34:12.740 And,

00:34:14.120 and as an example,

00:34:15.620 for me,

00:34:16.200 one of the best lessons I've ever was able to teach kids was greatness is in reps.

00:34:25.640 Right?

00:34:26.040 Cause we would have a basketball game.

00:34:28.600 Kids are stealing it from them.

00:34:30.360 They can't dribble.

00:34:31.480 The,

00:34:31.680 you know,

00:34:31.840 it's always traumas and they're like,

00:34:33.340 get so frustrated.

00:34:34.260 And I'm like,

00:34:34.760 guys,

00:34:34.980 don't get frustrated.

00:34:36.300 It's reps.

00:34:37.100 Oh,

00:34:39.460 there's so much better.

00:34:40.480 Yeah.

00:34:41.200 Reps.

00:34:42.020 They put in more reps than you.

00:34:43.700 That's all.

00:34:44.540 That's,

00:34:45.040 that's the game that we're talking about here.

00:34:46.720 It's reps.

00:34:48.420 So you want to get better.

00:34:49.800 Guess what?

00:34:50.740 Our practice two times a week is not enough reps.

00:34:55.020 Oh,

00:34:55.200 I want to get better at dribbling.

00:34:56.320 Great.

00:34:57.100 Let me give you a breakdown.

00:34:58.740 Here's how you get your reps in.

00:35:00.640 It's all about reps.

00:35:02.400 And so whenever they got sideways,

00:35:04.260 I was like,

00:35:05.080 no,

00:35:05.220 no,

00:35:05.340 no.

00:35:06.100 The game's the outcome of all the reps you put in.

00:35:10.160 And if we lost a game,

00:35:11.540 guess what we need to do?

00:35:13.060 More reps coach.

00:35:14.780 We got to get in the reps.

00:35:16.520 And so I was teaching them a little bit of a delay gratification,

00:35:21.680 a little bit of grit work ethic.

00:35:23.860 And this idea that this comparison,

00:35:26.580 that this team so much better than us,

00:35:28.480 like it was like this intrinsic value that this team,

00:35:31.800 had that we didn't have.

00:35:32.920 No,

00:35:33.500 those kids have invested more time than you.

00:35:36.060 That's the only difference.

00:35:37.900 So if you want to be like them,

00:35:39.060 guess what you got to do?

00:35:40.160 Invest more time.

00:35:41.120 That's probably the most fundamental lesson that I'd use over and over again,

00:35:45.120 every single time I've ever coached basketball as,

00:35:48.100 as a,

00:35:48.700 as a youth coach.

00:35:49.460 How about you?

00:35:50.000 Like what,

00:35:50.560 what's a,

00:35:51.180 a good example of a lesson that you've been able to teach over the years?

00:35:56.640 Um,

00:35:57.200 with baseball,

00:35:58.600 cause that's my wheelhouse.

00:35:59.840 And I mean,

00:36:00.540 any sport,

00:36:01.340 it's what you're talking about,

00:36:03.160 but it's the same in baseball.

00:36:05.780 Baseball.

00:36:06.240 The biggest lesson that I teach the kids is baseball,

00:36:09.100 the,

00:36:09.420 uh,

00:36:10.480 losing sport.

00:36:12.100 If you look at percentages,

00:36:14.840 you look at,

00:36:15.860 um,

00:36:17.300 numbers.

00:36:17.900 I mean,

00:36:18.640 being able to hit the ball 30% of the time puts you in the hall of fame in

00:36:23.200 baseball,

00:36:23.540 right?

00:36:24.420 If you're hitting 30% free throws,

00:36:26.440 you're hitting 30% shots in basketball.

00:36:28.600 You're losing.

00:36:29.740 Not only you're losing,

00:36:31.160 you're,

00:36:31.340 you just don't.

00:36:32.000 You're horrible.

00:36:33.280 You don't exist in basketball.

00:36:35.800 Like,

00:36:36.300 you know,

00:36:36.760 you're expected to be in the 90 percentile.

00:36:39.900 Um,

00:36:40.600 you know,

00:36:40.860 or they don't even look at you.

00:36:42.060 Right.

00:36:42.460 And so in a sport like baseball,

00:36:44.460 you're losing more of the time.

00:36:45.980 So that's always my lesson is that you need to take the lumps,

00:36:49.620 um,

00:36:51.600 and celebrate your wins,

00:36:53.460 which by the way,

00:36:55.240 I think that's life too.

00:36:56.640 I think life,

00:36:57.540 you know,

00:36:58.260 hands us more difficult things.

00:36:59.880 That's why I love baseball as my wheelhouse,

00:37:01.680 because that lesson of you,

00:37:04.520 you can be missing most of the time.

00:37:09.140 And still be a winner.

00:37:11.320 Right.

00:37:11.860 It's all you need is that 30% and that can make you great.

00:37:16.800 So when you're getting wins,

00:37:18.860 you know,

00:37:19.720 be excited about those and build on that with the reps.

00:37:25.080 I love that.

00:37:26.200 I love it.

00:37:27.000 All right.

00:37:27.660 Tyler Smith.

00:37:28.660 How do you know when it's time to back off,

00:37:31.600 give up on personal goals for the betterment of a family?

00:37:35.220 Actually,

00:37:35.760 I'm sorry,

00:37:36.300 guys.

00:37:36.500 I read this question last week.

00:37:37.720 I'm skipping it.

00:37:38.440 Sorry,

00:37:38.840 Tyler.

00:37:39.980 All right.

00:37:42.320 Okay.

00:37:42.760 Here we go.

00:37:43.300 Pete Reese,

00:37:44.120 uh,

00:37:44.560 uh,

00:37:45.040 Kesey,

00:37:45.740 Pete Kesey.

00:37:46.760 Ryan,

00:37:47.220 you recently had posted some things about how to deal with and work with your

00:37:51.780 teenage sons.

00:37:52.520 I've gotten an 18 year old.

00:37:54.200 That was one of the easier kids that I got a 16 year old son who is a high

00:37:58.680 performer,

00:37:59.140 but he's also still 16 and where to let him make decisions that help him learn,

00:38:05.200 but also keep him accountable with school and his sports and everything else.

00:38:09.380 I know I've got a lot to juggle these days from what I've talked about personally.

00:38:14.460 So how are you dealing with your oldest and his desire to probably do his own thing and

00:38:20.560 be free of you telling him what to do?

00:38:22.760 Just some thoughts.

00:38:24.140 I've gotten three boys out of the house and now a teenager daughter, a teenage daughter.

00:38:31.280 Ooh.

00:38:32.360 Um,

00:38:33.220 well,

00:38:33.620 I'm in a similar boat here as Ryan and our,

00:38:39.180 our kids at the same age too.

00:38:41.400 So it,

00:38:41.820 I mean,

00:38:42.200 I guess it'll be kind of in alignment with that.

00:38:45.180 And my oldest does want to do his old thing.

00:38:47.960 My oldest boy's 16 and,

00:38:51.240 um,

00:38:52.180 and he's a high performer.

00:38:53.260 He's really good at football,

00:38:55.280 really good at wrestling.

00:38:56.640 Um,

00:38:57.380 his wrestling coaches are frustrated because they want him to focus on wrestling because they,

00:39:02.740 they think he could be perform at the state level,

00:39:06.120 like,

00:39:06.940 like be a top five in the state kind of kid.

00:39:11.180 Um,

00:39:12.000 but he just,

00:39:13.060 his focus is on football,

00:39:14.820 you know,

00:39:15.180 and,

00:39:15.500 and,

00:39:16.080 uh,

00:39:16.280 I'd like him to be great at all of them.

00:39:18.680 Right.

00:39:19.220 I mean,

00:39:19.580 it's,

00:39:19.980 and,

00:39:21.160 uh,

00:39:21.580 and put in the same effort,

00:39:22.860 but at the same time,

00:39:23.860 I understand it.

00:39:24.660 So I think the biggest thing for me is,

00:39:27.120 um,

00:39:28.160 support him to perform at that thing that he loves.

00:39:32.740 That he's a high performer in,

00:39:34.080 um,

00:39:35.020 but simultaneously keep him on task to the things,

00:39:38.640 the other things that he's committed to and wrap it all into his ultimate goal.

00:39:45.860 So in this example,

00:39:47.340 you know,

00:39:47.940 you said schoolwork and other things like that.

00:39:50.260 I'm going to assume it's kind of the same as my kid.

00:39:53.320 He puts less focus on schoolwork,

00:39:56.180 does just enough to get by.

00:39:58.160 Um,

00:39:58.680 and he thinks that's enough,

00:39:59.760 but he wants to play division one football.

00:40:02.220 And I'm like,

00:40:02.540 Hey,

00:40:02.640 look D one school.

00:40:04.240 They have a kid that is performs like you on the football field,

00:40:07.740 but his grades,

00:40:09.380 you know,

00:40:09.640 he's got a point higher in his grade in his GPA that shows more commitment,

00:40:13.020 you know,

00:40:14.100 and they have the same level of,

00:40:16.880 uh,

00:40:17.820 athleticism.

00:40:18.680 They're going to choose that kid with the higher GPA because it just shows better work ethic,

00:40:24.120 more commitment,

00:40:24.820 you know,

00:40:25.540 and a number of different things.

00:40:27.860 Um,

00:40:28.960 maybe even that you're a little bit smarter and that's what they want,

00:40:32.760 you know,

00:40:33.480 when they're athletes is making better decisions on the field cerebrally.

00:40:36.900 So it's like,

00:40:37.600 those things are more important than you give credit to.

00:40:41.140 So,

00:40:42.540 um,

00:40:43.760 just making sure that you tie all of those things into their goal.

00:40:53.360 And it's frustrating because you want them to do it a certain way.

00:40:58.180 You want them to give a certain amount of effort.

00:41:00.800 You want them to give a certain amount of commitment.

00:41:05.140 And because they're high performers,

00:41:07.740 you expect them to do it in everything that they do.

00:41:12.700 And that's just not true.

00:41:14.340 Forget about the fact that they're teenagers.

00:41:16.060 It's not true for adults.

00:41:17.420 Also,

00:41:18.840 it's,

00:41:19.380 it's,

00:41:20.160 we don't tend to think that the,

00:41:24.640 the trickle effect of our habits,

00:41:29.100 um,

00:41:30.500 applies to everything.

00:41:31.640 We'd like it to apply to just the things we want to do and like to do.

00:41:36.680 And are maybe,

00:41:38.180 um,

00:41:39.500 built a little more for,

00:41:41.300 and,

00:41:42.940 uh,

00:41:43.560 it's just not the way it works.

00:41:45.640 It's,

00:41:46.260 we have to be able to do it in every part of our life.

00:41:49.660 Um,

00:41:50.480 if we want to excel in all of it.

00:41:53.500 And so,

00:41:54.020 support his way of doing that,

00:41:58.260 but then also continue to remind him in these other areas that those tie into what he wants.

00:42:07.760 And so attach it to the goal,

00:42:09.860 um,

00:42:10.200 make it his why that drives him to perform well in these other things.

00:42:16.040 Um,

00:42:16.880 I think it's more our job to be reminders of those things for our kids than to be drivers of those things.

00:42:23.120 So I think we try to drive it and that's what drives our kids away from us and those things where we need to be more reminders of what's driving them.

00:42:35.120 Totally.

00:42:35.600 I mean,

00:42:36.300 this goes back to the earlier question,

00:42:38.520 power of choice,

00:42:39.660 right?

00:42:41.400 You have a kid that's,

00:42:42.800 it's,

00:42:43.260 it's,

00:42:43.780 um,

00:42:44.060 self independent or is independent and wants to do their own thing.

00:42:48.940 Sign of greatness.

00:42:50.060 Now,

00:42:52.120 harder to manage as a parent,

00:42:54.240 but I'd be more concerned if we have kids that are just like,

00:42:58.080 well,

00:42:58.180 I'll just do whatever mom and dad tells me.

00:42:59.920 And I'm not going to think for myself and not push back.

00:43:02.180 That's more of a red flag.

00:43:04.220 Right?

00:43:04.720 I've had three kids come through the house.

00:43:06.680 I'm on my fourth teenager.

00:43:09.120 Absolutely.

00:43:09.760 It's their life.

00:43:10.580 Now,

00:43:12.300 do we let them do whatever they want?

00:43:14.560 No.

00:43:15.120 So what do we do?

00:43:16.020 We establish expectations.

00:43:17.700 We hold them accountable to set expectations,

00:43:19.800 but it's their choice.

00:43:22.100 And we,

00:43:22.920 we need to kind of get away from the manipulation and coercion and,

00:43:27.860 and whatever,

00:43:28.480 and,

00:43:29.280 and help them make the choices that are aligned with what they want to do.

00:43:34.340 And this is why,

00:43:35.480 and it has nothing to do with like,

00:43:37.860 well,

00:43:37.980 we know better versus them has nothing to do with any of that.

00:43:40.400 It's this right here.

00:43:41.320 Ready?

00:43:42.840 There's a big difference when I do something out of compliance versus when I do

00:43:49.840 something that I'm fully committed to.

00:43:52.720 And guess what items I'm going to always be fully committed to the decisions I

00:43:57.080 make.

00:43:58.800 People will learn and grow more in self-directed decisions than they ever

00:44:06.100 will being compliant with someone else's decision.

00:44:11.360 Period.

00:44:13.160 Even if it's an inferior thing,

00:44:15.200 they will learn more in self-direction than they will out of compliance.

00:44:21.040 That principle is transcendent to all things.

00:44:24.000 You want compliant employees,

00:44:26.040 bad idea because now they're just ticket takers and you're the puppeteer and you

00:44:30.700 constantly have to manage everybody.

00:44:32.220 They're not going to learn to grow.

00:44:33.100 Same thing with kids.

00:44:34.680 You don't want a compliant child.

00:44:37.320 You want a child that's fully committed and engaged in whatever it is that

00:44:42.360 they're about in life.

00:44:43.580 You're the framework and the accountability to guide them in that decision,

00:44:48.680 but you want them to make their own calls.

00:44:51.480 Absolutely.

00:44:53.080 Why?

00:44:53.620 Because that's where the learning and growth is.

00:44:56.040 It's not in compliance.

00:44:58.620 Right.

00:44:59.180 We don't learn anything just by doing it because I'm afraid that Sean might call

00:45:02.620 me out.

00:45:03.260 That's not where growth is.

00:45:07.040 You know,

00:45:07.820 there's just one red flag in that because we are saying like,

00:45:12.480 let it be their decision.

00:45:16.040 Make sure you differentiate between decisions and commitments because,

00:45:21.540 you know,

00:45:22.640 decisions are like,

00:45:23.620 Oh,

00:45:23.720 I decided to do this.

00:45:24.840 But when you commit to anything,

00:45:28.600 whether it's to school or to a team,

00:45:32.540 to a sport,

00:45:34.000 to,

00:45:34.440 I mean,

00:45:34.960 it can even be an individual sport,

00:45:37.060 you know,

00:45:37.380 like,

00:45:37.760 like jujitsu or tennis or whatever,

00:45:40.840 you know,

00:45:41.120 there's staff around that.

00:45:42.180 There's coaches,

00:45:43.020 there's a,

00:45:43.820 you know,

00:45:44.160 the,

00:45:44.340 the school's depending on you or the,

00:45:46.600 whatever it is.

00:45:48.020 Um,

00:45:48.620 even if it's you 13,

00:45:49.680 like Mario was talking about,

00:45:51.880 uh,

00:45:54.000 make sure that we're instilling in our kids that when you make those

00:45:58.580 commitments,

00:45:59.080 you at least follow through and finish the commitment.

00:46:04.000 And then you can move on because if you just decide,

00:46:07.440 you don't want to do it anymore out of nowhere,

00:46:09.440 and then you quit.

00:46:10.500 Now you're basically enabling them to,

00:46:13.160 to quit.

00:46:15.220 Yeah.

00:46:15.580 And,

00:46:15.720 and I'm not saying don't set expectations and boundaries,

00:46:19.180 right?

00:46:20.060 It's like,

00:46:20.400 Hey,

00:46:20.680 to live at this house,

00:46:21.620 here's the rules,

00:46:22.480 right?

00:46:22.940 There's,

00:46:23.400 there's guidelines,

00:46:24.240 expect expectations.

00:46:25.420 There's cause and effect for all decisions,

00:46:27.600 right?

00:46:28.420 Some of it might be,

00:46:29.580 if you're committed to a sport,

00:46:30.800 you ride it out until the end of the year.

00:46:32.880 We don't,

00:46:33.840 or if you quit,

00:46:35.200 you have to commit to something more difficult than what you're doing

00:46:38.140 always,

00:46:38.840 right?

00:46:40.120 I'm okay with that.

00:46:41.760 Still let them make the decision.

00:46:43.760 You hold them accountable,

00:46:45.060 right?

00:46:46.260 Within that framework to ensure success,

00:46:48.520 right?

00:46:48.940 No different than if I have a job,

00:46:51.500 roles and responsibilities,

00:46:53.080 expectations of performance.

00:46:54.840 Hey,

00:46:55.020 Sean,

00:46:55.280 do you want the job?

00:46:56.000 Yes or no?

00:46:56.480 I'll do it.

00:46:57.320 Okay.

00:46:57.660 And if you don't guess what happens?

00:46:59.220 Do I just go,

00:47:00.300 Oh,

00:47:00.580 Sean,

00:47:00.840 Sean decided not to know.

00:47:03.180 I hold him accountable.

00:47:04.900 Sean,

00:47:05.420 you said you would do this.

00:47:06.940 Here's the consequences of that decision.

00:47:09.160 This is what we're going to have to do,

00:47:11.360 right?

00:47:12.240 Still agency and choice.

00:47:14.400 I still establish the framework and the expectations of winning.

00:47:18.680 Either scenario,

00:47:19.680 right?

00:47:20.720 Yeah.

00:47:21.520 Yeah.

00:47:22.620 Good times.

00:47:23.680 All right.

00:47:24.040 Well,

00:47:24.240 best of luck with that teenager.

00:47:26.760 Bob Ross.

00:47:27.860 I deal with speaking to myself very critically and poorly,

00:47:31.640 far beyond what I would ever say to anyone else.

00:47:35.240 And I give myself absolutely no grace.

00:47:38.720 I'm working with a therapist on this,

00:47:40.580 trying to reframe my thinking and self-talk.

00:47:43.400 Do you,

00:47:43.940 either of you deal with this?

00:47:45.200 And how do you protect yourself from being too self-critical?

00:47:48.700 Thanks for all you do.

00:47:50.620 Hmm.

00:47:50.860 I will preface this by saying I have been blessed my entire life with

00:48:01.540 thinking I'm awesome.

00:48:03.580 But not at everything.

00:48:10.220 I just,

00:48:11.060 I,

00:48:11.340 I had a mom who was,

00:48:13.960 man,

00:48:14.160 she was tough and she could be super mean,

00:48:16.520 but she also always told me what I was good at.

00:48:19.860 And so,

00:48:20.500 because she told me I was good at things for so long,

00:48:22.820 this goes into,

00:48:23.660 actually,

00:48:24.020 this ties in perfect to everything we've been talking about,

00:48:26.520 right?

00:48:26.740 If you're coaching kids,

00:48:27.920 if you're leading people,

00:48:29.200 if you're in any leadership role,

00:48:31.520 your biggest thing to drive people is to point out what they're good at.

00:48:36.780 And human nature,

00:48:38.040 the reason that's so important as a leader is because human nature is our

00:48:41.480 automatic go-to is to focus on what we're not good at and what we're lacking

00:48:46.380 in and what we missed and what we didn't do.

00:48:49.920 I mean,

00:48:50.320 I could look back at,

00:48:51.580 you know,

00:48:53.000 when I played baseball,

00:48:54.200 like there's times,

00:48:55.020 you know,

00:48:55.760 where I remember when I hit a grand slam in high school,

00:48:58.860 I remember when I,

00:48:59.940 you know,

00:49:00.580 uh,

00:49:01.020 uh,

00:49:01.460 was in the playoffs and threw the kid out at home that took us to the

00:49:05.680 championship.

00:49:06.140 You know,

00:49:06.680 I remember when,

00:49:07.660 you know,

00:49:08.300 like I had those types of moments in my life,

00:49:11.960 um,

00:49:13.500 that were game winning moments and stuff like that.

00:49:16.560 But I remember more,

00:49:18.820 the,

00:49:19.960 the guy didn't throw out.

00:49:23.000 The bad throw I made that cost us the game,

00:49:25.980 the,

00:49:26.700 you know,

00:49:27.120 the strikeout that,

00:49:29.280 uh,

00:49:29.940 you know,

00:49:30.940 the game was over because I didn't get on base or I didn't walk or I

00:49:34.560 didn't stay in there,

00:49:35.400 whatever it was.

00:49:36.040 Right.

00:49:36.620 I remember more of the bad things than I do the good.

00:49:41.780 And I think that's human nature,

00:49:43.300 but somehow I still think I'm awesome because I've,

00:49:49.080 I've,

00:49:49.480 I've accepted that I'm not going to be good at everything,

00:49:55.200 but I'm good at enough.

00:49:58.020 And so it's,

00:49:59.380 uh,

00:49:59.840 now in saying that,

00:50:00.920 like with preface,

00:50:02.020 with kind of being fortunate,

00:50:04.340 I guess you can say,

00:50:05.620 and having a positive outlook in those things.

00:50:09.500 I think you need to,

00:50:10.740 to start writing down your wins and taking an inventory of what you do.

00:50:19.520 Right.

00:50:20.820 And,

00:50:21.320 um,

00:50:21.760 you know,

00:50:21.980 just like we're saying you need to,

00:50:23.520 as a leader to point out to your subordinates or to the people that you're

00:50:27.640 leading or,

00:50:28.280 or whatever it is where you work.

00:50:30.400 Um,

00:50:31.180 I think it's easier to do that for other people than it is for ourselves.

00:50:35.720 So also enroll some people in your life that you can trust,

00:50:41.020 whether they're good friends,

00:50:42.580 maybe coworkers,

00:50:43.780 people in the IC,

00:50:44.880 because I know you're in the IC with us,

00:50:47.420 um,

00:50:48.020 on your battle team and ask them what you do.

00:50:51.240 Well,

00:50:51.780 what you do,

00:50:52.400 right.

00:50:52.820 Go take some inventory and start paying more attention to those things and

00:50:58.960 build on that.

00:51:01.140 And,

00:51:01.580 uh,

00:51:02.340 hopefully you'll get to the space where like,

00:51:06.000 when I know that I'm not good at something,

00:51:08.460 it's either cause I know I'm not putting the reps in like Kip was talking

00:51:11.660 about earlier,

00:51:12.340 or I don't care enough about it.

00:51:17.120 And so I think as men,

00:51:18.820 we care too much about sometimes menial things,

00:51:23.080 uh,

00:51:24.540 that we're not good at.

00:51:25.820 And that keeps us in that negative space that just builds and perpetuates on

00:51:33.680 itself.

00:51:34.200 So we need something to break us of that and then start building habits

00:51:38.640 towards focusing on the positive and what we're doing well and,

00:51:42.760 and where we've improved.

00:51:44.660 So take some inventory on top of the,

00:51:47.300 the,

00:51:47.880 what we're doing right now,

00:51:49.420 maybe as some people have known you a while in your growth.

00:51:52.900 And if,

00:51:53.480 and if you feel like you've grown in the last year,

00:51:57.080 two years,

00:51:57.540 five years,

00:51:57.980 whatever it is,

00:51:58.780 maybe ask for some inventory on that as well.

00:52:02.380 Um,

00:52:03.460 so you can gauge growth.

00:52:05.920 Yeah,

00:52:06.880 dude.

00:52:07.140 I love that,

00:52:08.100 Sean.

00:52:08.420 It's funny.

00:52:09.620 Um,

00:52:10.140 I've known multiple people in my life.

00:52:11.860 They,

00:52:12.060 they have the same mentality as,

00:52:13.580 as you,

00:52:14.280 they,

00:52:14.640 they were raised with a parent that was able to distill how amazing they are.

00:52:20.500 Right.

00:52:20.920 And they,

00:52:21.520 they believe it.

00:52:22.340 And it just reiterates the importance of the conversations and how we treat our

00:52:26.180 kids and how critical that is that messaging,

00:52:29.240 right.

00:52:29.720 That we create.

00:52:31.400 Um,

00:52:31.960 Sean,

00:52:32.300 I I'm like,

00:52:33.120 or,

00:52:33.440 uh,

00:52:33.660 Bob,

00:52:34.080 I'm like you,

00:52:34.960 man.

00:52:35.400 I'm,

00:52:36.020 I critically,

00:52:37.320 um,

00:52:38.960 talk negative of myself on a regular basis.

00:52:42.040 I have,

00:52:42.740 I zero,

00:52:43.580 I give myself zero grace and,

00:52:46.740 um,

00:52:47.140 I'm overly critical.

00:52:48.160 I'm a complete asshole.

00:52:49.060 Absolutely.

00:52:52.860 Um,

00:52:53.780 now,

00:52:54.620 so I,

00:52:55.300 so I can relate to your,

00:52:56.660 to your,

00:52:57.240 uh,

00:52:57.740 sentiment.

00:52:58.960 Um,

00:52:59.660 it's ironic though,

00:53:00.900 over the years,

00:53:02.140 I'm not critical about myself in certain areas.

00:53:06.500 And the areas that I'm not critical with myself are the areas that I'm damn good at.

00:53:11.900 And I'm so good at them that like,

00:53:14.360 there's just proof.

00:53:17.600 There's proof everywhere.

00:53:19.060 That I'm like amazing at it.

00:53:20.900 And it sounds silly to say it,

00:53:22.800 but like,

00:53:23.840 but I am,

00:53:24.540 I am like when it comes to teaching,

00:53:29.120 when it comes to consulting as a consultant,

00:53:32.420 I will run circles around most technologists circles.

00:53:39.500 Right.

00:53:39.980 I get a client back in the day that would be like,

00:53:43.000 oh,

00:53:43.180 we're looking at you guys,

00:53:44.240 but we're also looking at Deloitte and the big four.

00:53:46.820 I'd be like,

00:53:48.060 bring it.

00:53:49.680 I will destroy those guys.

00:53:52.080 I will be able to mirror the need between technology and your business better than anybody on earth.

00:53:57.760 Like literally,

00:53:58.860 I think I'm so damn good at it.

00:54:01.500 And,

00:54:02.040 and the only reason why I say that is because I have gotten so much reps around it and evidence that I can't even argue with it.

00:54:10.700 Like it's not even an opinion.

00:54:13.040 It's not this persona.

00:54:14.540 It's just like it is.

00:54:17.200 So now in other areas of a life,

00:54:19.340 I'm not that way.

00:54:20.740 So part of me goes,

00:54:22.720 well,

00:54:23.160 do I have evidence that I have gotten better?

00:54:26.580 Now,

00:54:27.340 am I still overly critical more than I need to be?

00:54:30.860 Absolutely.

00:54:32.600 So here's,

00:54:33.560 here's a couple of thoughts I have.

00:54:35.040 One,

00:54:35.700 obviously focus on improving and then take Sean's advice around celebrating the wins.

00:54:42.400 Bob,

00:54:42.880 there's a great book called The Gap and the Gain.

00:54:45.140 And the idea of this book is celebrate the gain.

00:54:49.480 Stop operating in the gap.

00:54:51.360 The other thought I have for you is,

00:54:54.260 and I hate to admit this because this makes me look bad,

00:54:58.080 but most people that are overly critical of themselves,

00:55:01.440 they're hyper critical of everybody else too.

00:55:06.460 Have empathy for other people in your life.

00:55:10.360 And do by doing that,

00:55:11.520 by having empathy with your wife,

00:55:13.520 with your kids,

00:55:14.560 with your colleagues,

00:55:15.620 guess what?

00:55:16.820 You'll start getting reps on how to have empathy with yourself.

00:55:20.200 And the last resource I give you,

00:55:22.260 Bob,

00:55:22.420 to look at if you haven't already read it,

00:55:24.100 is the four agreements.

00:55:26.820 Most negative conversations that we have with ourselves

00:55:30.980 are based upon the agreements that we've accepted in life.

00:55:36.200 There's power in me hearing internal dialogue and going,

00:55:42.240 whoa,

00:55:42.420 whoa,

00:55:42.740 no,

00:55:42.980 no,

00:55:43.180 Kip,

00:55:43.900 that's not true.

00:55:44.720 I remember when I made that agreement.

00:55:48.300 And that's not true.

00:55:49.820 That's through the mindset of a 10-year-old or whatever.

00:55:52.900 And I'm not going to choose to like accept that,

00:55:56.920 right?

00:55:57.140 And so I critically think beyond the agreement,

00:55:59.920 right?

00:56:00.320 And go,

00:56:00.880 is that really true?

00:56:01.740 No,

00:56:01.980 it's not,

00:56:02.600 blah,

00:56:02.700 blah,

00:56:02.820 blah.

00:56:03.020 And I'll work through it in my own mind.

00:56:04.920 I know it sounds kind of crazy here,

00:56:06.320 but like,

00:56:07.020 I would do that.

00:56:08.740 Here's the one like area of fear that I have for you,

00:56:13.500 Bob,

00:56:13.700 and I'd be careful,

00:56:15.040 is most people that talk about self-talk

00:56:20.360 and being positive versus negative,

00:56:22.260 they will get negative around them talking negative

00:56:26.760 about themselves.

00:56:27.960 And then you'll make yourself bad for being negative self-talk.

00:56:33.540 That's not how this works.

00:56:34.460 Like you can like dig a hole and you get worse about it.

00:56:37.160 Is it going to show up?

00:56:39.400 Sure.

00:56:40.680 Yep.

00:56:41.540 Absolutely.

00:56:42.440 You're going to have negative self-talk.

00:56:44.340 And what does it mean?

00:56:46.220 Nothing.

00:56:47.060 It means nothing.

00:56:49.560 So what are you going to do with it?

00:56:52.720 Is it true?

00:56:53.740 Is it not true?

00:56:55.540 But don't,

00:56:56.420 don't.

00:56:57.200 And I have,

00:56:58.260 I'm not a psychiatrist,

00:56:59.520 but I think this is where most psychiatrists go wrong.

00:57:02.320 Is they dredge people through constantly talking about their negative self-talk,

00:57:08.400 which just like is dragging people through it over and over and over.

00:57:16.440 Don't beat yourself up that there's negative self-talk,

00:57:19.100 but when it shows up,

00:57:20.400 ask if it's true or not.

00:57:21.740 And then what are you going to do about it?

00:57:23.360 And move on.

00:57:24.040 And don't get all sideways just because it showed up.

00:57:26.380 And that's my only advice coming from another crazy person that over-criticizes myself and others.

00:57:34.360 Yeah.

00:57:34.720 Well,

00:57:35.100 and I'll say like,

00:57:35.860 even though I,

00:57:36.440 I overall more positive than any other thing,

00:57:39.900 there's still,

00:57:41.000 I mean,

00:57:42.100 almost on a daily basis,

00:57:43.360 I'll do something where my,

00:57:45.580 from the hip,

00:57:46.740 I do something like you dumbass,

00:57:48.940 you know,

00:57:49.220 like to myself,

00:57:49.900 like that was stupid.

00:57:51.720 You dumb like that.

00:57:53.000 I can't believe you just did that.

00:57:54.700 But I follow it immediately.

00:57:57.120 One of my habits is,

00:57:58.560 then I also make myself find humor in it.

00:58:02.900 Find,

00:58:03.400 like make myself able to laugh about it.

00:58:06.500 Like that was like,

00:58:07.840 turn it into,

00:58:09.720 well,

00:58:09.940 that was stupid,

00:58:10.640 but that'll be a funny story to tell someone,

00:58:13.360 you know,

00:58:13.680 that I just did that.

00:58:15.000 Right.

00:58:15.200 Being willing to,

00:58:16.220 to laugh about it and look at it,

00:58:18.240 I guess from a long-term perspective,

00:58:21.180 you know,

00:58:21.480 of like,

00:58:21.980 wow,

00:58:23.440 that'd be funny to tell someone that I just did that someday,

00:58:26.420 you know,

00:58:26.680 and turn it into just,

00:58:28.640 I guess you could say,

00:58:29.400 make more light of it.

00:58:31.940 That's become a habit of mine that helps me not continue to punish myself for the dumb things I do every day.

00:58:41.260 I love that,

00:58:42.320 Sean.

00:58:42.700 Or in fact,

00:58:43.140 I was just having this conversation with some people last week about this.

00:58:46.980 It's like,

00:58:47.420 we take ourselves way too serious,

00:58:50.080 you know,

00:58:50.900 like even the things that we're like,

00:58:52.680 beat ourselves up about.

00:58:53.840 It's like,

00:58:54.200 really,

00:58:54.920 you're going to get pissed off about that.

00:58:57.860 Like,

00:58:58.520 holy crap.

00:58:59.200 In the grand scheme of things,

00:59:00.720 right?

00:59:01.140 Like we should be laughing at most of our mistakes,

00:59:03.460 not,

00:59:03.940 not getting upset about it,

00:59:05.820 you know?

00:59:06.460 And I,

00:59:06.800 and I think there's some power in that,

00:59:08.500 in that sentiment.

00:59:09.480 That's a really good point.

00:59:10.600 All right.

00:59:14.020 Last question for us.

00:59:16.340 John,

00:59:16.820 I worked on this before the call started.

00:59:19.820 Sean Drogo Marinsky.

00:59:25.260 Polish name.

00:59:26.440 Nailed it.

00:59:26.800 I did,

00:59:27.260 John.

00:59:27.600 Yeah,

00:59:27.820 I nailed it.

00:59:28.520 All right,

00:59:29.020 here we go.

00:59:29.540 how do you deal with colleagues that are dishonest and shirk their responsibilities?

00:59:37.380 I stand out as the only employee where I'm working that actually puts in a day's work.

00:59:42.460 I do get recognized for this,

00:59:44.600 but nothing is done to change how my colleagues are behaving.

00:59:48.640 It creates an extremely toxic work environment.

00:59:52.100 I've called people out several times now,

00:59:54.440 but they don't want to hear it.

00:59:56.480 My boss just keeps saying two years and they'll be gone as they were nearing retirement.

01:00:03.120 Leaving the company is an option,

01:00:05.140 but not easy as I'm living and working with family in a country

01:00:08.640 where I'm not completely fluent in the language.

01:00:13.180 Love this question.

01:00:14.880 Sean,

01:00:15.240 if you don't mind,

01:00:16.060 can I make a distinction?

01:00:17.380 And I'm not going to answer his question,

01:00:18.820 but I want to make a distinction here as,

01:00:20.960 as you get ready to answer John's question.

01:00:23.760 Absolutely.

01:00:24.180 The distinction is this.

01:00:26.480 Equitable transfer of value.

01:00:30.700 If you're a leader,

01:00:33.060 you need to operate with equitable transfer of value.

01:00:39.040 There needs,

01:00:39.900 it needs to be equitable.

01:00:41.620 What I pay and give an employee versus the effort they put in.

01:00:46.940 It needs to be equitable.

01:00:49.180 In any case,

01:00:50.480 here's the crazy part.

01:00:51.360 When it's not equitable,

01:00:54.740 83% of employees reduce their effort to match the equity they receive.

01:01:02.000 You don't get a great employee at a cheap salary.

01:01:06.380 You get a silently quitting employee.

01:01:08.860 That's potentially great for that salary.

01:01:12.480 It needs to be equitable.

01:01:14.540 Now here's the interesting part.

01:01:15.920 Oh,

01:01:16.040 wait,

01:01:16.200 I said the 83% silently quit.

01:01:19.100 The 17,

01:01:20.120 they go leave and find a new job.

01:01:21.780 What I hear John say is it's not equitable.

01:01:25.620 So let me explain how this is not equitable.

01:01:28.740 There are one of the three ways that an employee perceives if equity is equitable or not.

01:01:36.300 is how they compare to their colleagues.

01:01:41.840 So Sean and I,

01:01:43.540 same title,

01:01:44.440 same salary.

01:01:45.480 I work hard and Sean doesn't.

01:01:48.860 The high performer is going to feel unfair.

01:01:52.720 I'm going to feel like you're not giving me what I'm worth.

01:01:56.520 Why?

01:01:56.940 Because you're giving Sean the same damn salary as me.

01:02:00.480 I work twice as hard as Sean and you put up with him.

01:02:03.680 Not equitable.

01:02:07.340 And so I'm going to want to leave or I'm going to silently quit and go,

01:02:11.920 you know what?

01:02:12.380 Fine.

01:02:12.880 You know what?

01:02:13.720 I'll give him my nine to five.

01:02:15.240 I'll work as hard as Sean and all these other dipwits and I'll ride this thing out.

01:02:20.140 That is what happens.

01:02:22.600 This is why you can't set an expectation of performance and have an employee that's an

01:02:28.860 underperformer.

01:02:29.780 You can't do it because it's unfair for all the top performers.

01:02:35.380 They will want to leave.

01:02:37.800 And that is exactly where John is as an example.

01:02:42.160 Okay.

01:02:42.780 To the question, Sean.

01:02:45.240 It's,

01:02:45.740 you know,

01:02:47.340 do you,

01:02:47.740 I've never heard it called equitable transfer of value before for some reason.

01:02:51.660 And what I call it.

01:02:54.540 Okay.

01:02:55.440 I mean,

01:02:56.160 it's,

01:02:56.760 it's awesome.

01:02:57.880 It's an awesome way to say it.

01:02:59.320 I've,

01:02:59.540 I've always said that if you're any in any structured corporate environment,

01:03:06.380 uh,

01:03:07.040 or bureaucracy or government job or whatever it is,

01:03:09.940 right?

01:03:10.220 Like there's structurally the way that they're structured,

01:03:15.200 kind of goes against our human nature for growth.

01:03:21.160 And we're put in a position where,

01:03:23.760 like Kip said,

01:03:25.500 that equitable transfer of value is that they're going to pay you just enough to not quit.

01:03:32.640 And in return,

01:03:34.300 you're going to work just hard enough to not get fired.

01:03:38.300 And so bad.

01:03:39.180 The,

01:03:39.540 the more gray area in between those things there are,

01:03:45.480 then the less productive the entire company becomes.

01:03:50.420 And so if you're in an environment that is on the lower end of that,

01:03:57.780 that's going to be difficult,

01:04:00.820 but there is also waves and ebbs and flows to working environment,

01:04:06.140 which you're,

01:04:07.880 it sounds like your bosses have already pointed out like,

01:04:11.180 Hey,

01:04:11.220 these guys are going to be gone in a couple of years.

01:04:13.220 So maybe they're,

01:04:15.100 but are they actively engaged in recruiting for those openings to find higher level performers?

01:04:25.300 And are they also actively engaged in,

01:04:28.480 making sure it's equitable to attract those performers?

01:04:33.980 And so maybe you can get involved in that.

01:04:36.300 The big question I think you have to ask what the first thing that came to mind for me was,

01:04:41.460 okay,

01:04:42.080 if it's going to be a couple of years,

01:04:43.660 is it going to be worth it?

01:04:45.800 So the conversations I think you need to be having,

01:04:48.100 it sounds like you're having those conversations with your bosses and some of the people,

01:04:52.580 some of the leadership around you is,

01:04:55.600 is it going to be worth my time to wait?

01:04:58.560 Is it going to be worth it to stick it out?

01:05:01.580 And then what's our plan?

01:05:03.840 If these guys are leaving,

01:05:05.420 what's the plan moving forward when they're gone?

01:05:08.840 Who are we going to replace them with?

01:05:11.040 Does this open up opportunity for me?

01:05:14.720 Are we going to be bringing in performers that are going to operate at the level that

01:05:20.820 I want to be operating at?

01:05:23.940 And if you're having those conversations and the answer is no,

01:05:27.780 I mean,

01:05:28.020 how many times,

01:05:28.600 I almost feel redundant in saying,

01:05:31.460 then you'd need to look elsewhere,

01:05:33.000 you know,

01:05:33.980 because that's my answer so many times,

01:05:36.000 but I think that's also the entrepreneur in me.

01:05:37.820 I've never been a good employee.

01:05:39.840 You're like,

01:05:40.140 don't put up with that shit.

01:05:41.320 Go somewhere else.

01:05:42.080 Work for yourself.

01:05:42.660 I've never been willing to work just hard enough,

01:05:46.000 you know,

01:05:46.660 to not get fired.

01:05:48.140 That's never,

01:05:48.840 I'm not built like that.

01:05:50.060 I'm not that guy.

01:05:50.920 And so if I'm in an environment where that's the majority of the people I'm working around,

01:05:56.140 including my leadership,

01:05:57.180 I want nothing to do with them because that's going to stop my growth.

01:06:00.300 And I want to be better and do more.

01:06:02.840 And I want my efforts to convert.

01:06:06.280 And if I'm not in an environment that doesn't offer me that,

01:06:10.680 then I'm gone.

01:06:11.800 So I think start having those conversations,

01:06:14.200 ask yourself if it's worth it,

01:06:15.660 and then start having the conversations with your leadership.

01:06:18.120 If they can assure you that it's going to be worth it beyond just that they're leaving.

01:06:23.740 Okay.

01:06:24.020 They're leaving.

01:06:24.500 That's great.

01:06:25.060 But what's the plan?

01:06:26.440 What's my incentive?

01:06:27.720 What's my,

01:06:28.740 because I'm here for you.

01:06:30.120 I'm here to perform for the company.

01:06:31.840 I want the company to be great.

01:06:33.160 I want us to hit our goals.

01:06:34.340 I want us long-term to have something to be excited about.

01:06:38.660 And so what are we going to do about it?

01:06:41.160 And if they don't have the answer that you want to hear for that,

01:06:45.500 you know,

01:06:47.020 then maybe that's not where you should be.

01:06:50.600 John,

01:06:51.120 this is tough,

01:06:51.860 man.

01:06:52.280 You know,

01:06:52.660 this,

01:06:53.060 this reminds me of my teenage boys.

01:06:56.260 I'd ask them this question when they're making like dumb decisions.

01:07:01.240 You know what I mean?

01:07:01.920 I'd,

01:07:02.160 I'd grab Ian and Kiave.

01:07:03.760 I'd,

01:07:04.160 I'd bring them in the,

01:07:05.540 in the room with,

01:07:06.560 I had like a whiteboard painted whiteboard wall in my office at home.

01:07:10.200 This is when I worked for myself.

01:07:11.340 And I would,

01:07:12.040 I'd paint this chart right in this line chart of progression.

01:07:16.540 And I'm like,

01:07:18.000 you're,

01:07:18.360 you guys are here on this lower part.

01:07:21.200 If you keep making the same decisions you've been making,

01:07:24.640 what is the probable future?

01:07:28.940 And there'd be like,

01:07:30.100 uh,

01:07:31.100 jail time,

01:07:32.620 uh,

01:07:33.220 teenage pregnancy.

01:07:34.360 You hear what I mean?

01:07:35.220 Like,

01:07:36.140 yeah,

01:07:37.060 yeah.

01:07:37.500 That,

01:07:37.980 that is what's probable.

01:07:39.820 If you don't make pivots,

01:07:42.020 right?

01:07:43.580 Like,

01:07:44.060 and,

01:07:45.200 and that's,

01:07:45.920 so John,

01:07:46.760 what's the probable future.

01:07:48.260 You have a boss that is unwilling to hold people accountable that are

01:07:53.780 shirking their responsibilities and doing poor work.

01:07:57.240 What's the probability.

01:07:59.560 Oh,

01:08:00.200 all of a sudden he's going to find the right employees and they're all going to

01:08:04.480 be high performers.

01:08:05.260 So he never has to hold anybody accountable.

01:08:08.260 Ha ha.

01:08:08.880 Ha ha whatever.

01:08:10.360 If he doesn't hold people accountable now,

01:08:12.420 he never will.

01:08:14.540 That's the probable future.

01:08:16.240 And the chances of him,

01:08:18.020 you guys always hiring the best performers like you forever is really low.

01:08:22.880 So awesome.

01:08:24.640 You got a boss that won't hold people accountable because he doesn't know how to

01:08:28.820 do it.

01:08:29.240 Cause he's probably an unexperienced individual in a leadership role.

01:08:34.080 That's not going to change.

01:08:35.360 So accept that.

01:08:39.100 First of all,

01:08:39.860 that nothing's going to change in your circumstance.

01:08:43.140 And are you willing to work in this environment and be a high performer?

01:08:47.800 And can you progress knowing that your boss is not going to change?

01:08:51.320 This is your boss is a problem,

01:08:53.760 by the way,

01:08:54.420 not the colleagues.

01:08:56.280 Your boss is a problem.

01:08:58.900 Every underperforming team.

01:09:00.800 It's a leadership problem.

01:09:02.080 And you got a leader.

01:09:05.120 That's a poor leader.

01:09:06.040 He likes you.

01:09:06.800 Cause you make it easy to like,

01:09:08.940 right.

01:09:09.900 But he doesn't hold anybody accountable.

01:09:11.660 Well,

01:09:14.840 you also,

01:09:15.940 it's,

01:09:16.680 that's the majority of the time,

01:09:19.840 but maybe there,

01:09:21.320 maybe he's the teacher.

01:09:22.480 Like you didn't say,

01:09:23.560 right.

01:09:23.880 Maybe there's some sort of tent.

01:09:25.520 Maybe there's some sort of tenure involved in these guys.

01:09:28.660 You're right.

01:09:29.160 I beat up John's boss.

01:09:30.760 Yeah.

01:09:32.160 You're right.

01:09:32.660 You're right.

01:09:33.180 There could be other reasons.

01:09:34.420 I mean,

01:09:34.580 majority of the time that is it.

01:09:36.300 Right.

01:09:36.460 But,

01:09:36.860 but again,

01:09:37.500 that goes to the question of,

01:09:38.600 is it worth it to you?

01:09:39.520 You know,

01:09:39.800 if that's the environment.

01:09:40.920 So the conversation with the boss,

01:09:43.840 that's why that conversation is important.

01:09:46.180 And as far as what's coming,

01:09:48.580 right.

01:09:48.780 What's on its way,

01:09:50.280 what's the incentive.

01:09:51.560 And if we don't have incentive,

01:09:53.180 by the way,

01:09:53.740 in our current structure,

01:09:55.500 then we maybe restructure with these new hires that we're going to be

01:09:58.960 bringing on to replace these guys so that there's maybe a bonus to

01:10:02.900 attach to their performance so that there's a,

01:10:05.120 so that they can't hide in,

01:10:08.240 in our structure.

01:10:09.260 And,

01:10:09.980 and underperform,

01:10:11.300 is there something that we can change over the next couple of years?

01:10:14.400 And,

01:10:14.780 you know,

01:10:15.280 with,

01:10:15.600 with these guys being gone and not here to complain about it,

01:10:18.460 can we,

01:10:19.340 can we start rebuilding our pay structure so that we don't get stuck with

01:10:25.020 these guys anymore?

01:10:25.880 Right.

01:10:26.380 Maybe that conversation.

01:10:27.960 Yeah.

01:10:28.060 Yeah.

01:10:28.400 I like that.

01:10:29.460 Well,

01:10:29.600 and here's the empowerment move,

01:10:31.040 right?

01:10:31.320 So John,

01:10:32.060 let's just assume that your boss doesn't hold people accountable.

01:10:36.000 Then you need to hold him accountable for your career.

01:10:39.700 Right.

01:10:40.100 So what's your two to three year plan?

01:10:42.420 What's expected?

01:10:43.440 What do you have to hit to,

01:10:44.680 for you to progress and whatever,

01:10:45.860 and you hold him accountable to it and you get black and white,

01:10:48.780 not like,

01:10:49.400 yeah,

01:10:50.420 John,

01:10:50.820 just keep working and you'll get your promotion.

01:10:53.380 No,

01:10:53.680 no,

01:10:53.780 no,

01:10:53.820 no,

01:10:53.940 no,

01:10:54.000 no.

01:10:54.160 I need to know between now and next year for me to have a promotion,

01:10:57.780 what needs to happen to ensure that happens and address it.

01:11:02.440 Right.

01:11:02.960 And hold him accountable to it.

01:11:04.700 Otherwise the probability is he's a yes,

01:11:08.220 man.

01:11:08.620 And he's saying yes to you and,

01:11:10.380 you know,

01:11:11.500 blowing smoke even for you.

01:11:13.560 And he's not going to ensure that you get your own either.

01:11:16.280 If he's maybe not holding others accountable,

01:11:18.920 if that's the case.

01:11:20.380 So be mindful of that,

01:11:21.880 right?

01:11:22.260 The leadership styles,

01:11:23.840 often their inability to be clear and concise in their communication is

01:11:28.720 transcendent to both good and bad employees.

01:11:32.500 Yeah.

01:11:33.160 So,

01:11:33.580 so just be mindful of that and,

01:11:35.600 and lead up the chain of command and make sure that you're holding him

01:11:38.860 accountable to what you need to be successful in your role.

01:11:41.280 And what you're talking about Kip is that if that means if it is worth it

01:11:45.360 to him,

01:11:46.220 then that's what he does,

01:11:47.380 you know?

01:11:47.760 And then if,

01:11:48.540 if you've made the decision that it's worth it to you,

01:11:51.220 then deal with it.

01:11:53.680 Right.

01:11:54.120 Then suck it up.

01:11:55.220 Who cares what those guys are doing?

01:11:56.500 Yeah.

01:11:56.720 And,

01:11:57.000 and,

01:11:57.400 and do what you can do and what you can control to the best of your

01:12:00.860 ability until it gets to the point where those guys are gone and

01:12:04.520 make it worth it.

01:12:06.640 Yeah.

01:12:08.180 Excellent.

01:12:09.080 All right,

01:12:09.600 Sean,

01:12:09.940 it's been good,

01:12:10.580 man.

01:12:10.700 It's always good.

01:12:11.800 It's always good.

01:12:12.360 Like I keep,

01:12:13.000 I always keep joking.

01:12:14.000 We're,

01:12:14.280 we'll be friends someday and hang out.

01:12:16.020 I know.

01:12:16.820 I'll probably be on the podcast.

01:12:18.380 Are you doing Molokai at all this year?

01:12:21.640 Um,

01:12:22.280 not this year.

01:12:23.020 Didn't you do that hunt back in the day?

01:12:24.220 Okay.

01:12:24.860 Yeah.

01:12:25.480 Yeah,

01:12:25.760 I did for sure.

01:12:26.820 And,

01:12:27.280 um,

01:12:27.980 yeah,

01:12:28.600 next couple of years are going to be wrapped around boys going to

01:12:33.160 football.

01:12:33.880 So it's like,

01:12:35.120 yeah,

01:12:35.820 less trips,

01:12:36.660 more of that stuff.

01:12:37.740 I got a 13 year old going into high school.

01:12:40.900 And she's a dancer.

01:12:42.240 And I'm,

01:12:43.040 I'm Asian.

01:12:43.700 I'm realizing that we,

01:12:45.300 we might be signing over our lives for the next four years.

01:12:48.360 So a lot of travel in your future.

01:12:51.040 Yeah.

01:12:51.560 And it's not like the travel we choose.

01:12:53.940 It's travel for that.

01:12:55.600 Yeah.

01:12:55.860 It's like month there when our vacationing.

01:12:59.240 Yep.

01:12:59.840 So,

01:13:00.120 um,

01:13:01.300 Sean,

01:13:01.900 uh,

01:13:02.420 Villa Lobos.

01:13:03.860 How do people connect with you,

01:13:05.600 sir?

01:13:06.780 Um,

01:13:07.440 all the puts,

01:13:08.140 Sean,

01:13:08.380 VMD,

01:13:09.040 S-H-A-W-N-V-M-D

01:13:11.040 at,

01:13:12.080 uh,

01:13:12.820 on Instagram

01:13:13.640 and,

01:13:15.040 uh,

01:13:15.440 happyandstrong.com,

01:13:17.360 financialrevolution.com,

01:13:18.920 any of that stuff.

01:13:19.700 People can reach out,

01:13:20.620 DM and,

01:13:21.880 uh,

01:13:22.400 yeah,

01:13:23.560 all good.

01:13:24.820 Awesome,

01:13:25.340 man.

01:13:25.540 Thanks once again for always,

01:13:27.340 you know what I mean?

01:13:27.860 Filling in for Ryan.

01:13:29.380 It's good to mix it up.

01:13:30.920 I,

01:13:31.140 at least I think so.

01:13:33.560 Yeah.

01:13:34.080 Um,

01:13:34.320 I'm sure Ryan doesn't mind a little vacay time either.

01:13:36.940 So.

01:13:37.820 And there's being successful too.

01:13:39.800 I know they're on a,

01:13:40.580 on their,

01:13:41.280 uh,

01:13:41.660 pig hunt in Texas and having a good time.

01:13:43.240 Yeah.

01:13:43.760 I think like day one,

01:13:44.900 I already saw him with,

01:13:46.340 with a kill.

01:13:47.240 So,

01:13:48.420 so I,

01:13:49.060 Ryan,

01:13:49.500 I expect some,

01:13:50.360 um,

01:13:50.960 some bacon in the mill.

01:13:52.980 Yeah.

01:13:53.420 Some sausage.

01:13:54.700 Yep.

01:13:55.160 All right,

01:13:55.780 sir.

01:13:56.140 Thank you.

01:13:56.900 Appreciate your time guys.

01:13:58.560 Thanks for listening.

01:13:59.940 Um,

01:14:00.300 for being part of the movement.

01:14:02.620 If you haven't joined us on Facebook,

01:14:04.740 uh,

01:14:05.820 join that group,

01:14:06.560 facebook.com slash slash group slash order of man.

01:14:10.000 And as always,

01:14:10.900 you can connect with Mr.

01:14:12.300 Mickler on X and Instagram at Ryan Mickler.

01:14:15.380 And until Friday for Friday field notes,

01:14:19.020 take action and become the men you were meant to be.

01:14:26.100 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:14:29.080 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:14:33.280 We invite you to join the order at quarter of man.com.

01:14:36.420 We'll be right back.

01:14:37.320 We'll be right back.

Order of Man - April 09, 2025

How to Lead Teens, Invest Smart, and Silence Self-Doubt ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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