How to Overcome Fear, Identifying Deeply-Seeded Non-Negotiables, and How to Receive Compliments ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 8 minutes
Words per Minute
187.61995
Summary
On today's episode, the brother and sister duo of the sit down with the man himself, Kip, to talk about his weekend hunting trip to Minnesota with his oldest son. Kip also talks about his first deer of the weekend, a doe that popped out of his hunting bag, and how he almost killed it.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up man? So good to see you. Sounds like you're a little
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under the weather today. Yep. Was it Barry White? I don't know. Barry White? Deep, sexy voice.
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Yeah. I bet Asia likes it. She's not used to that deep, manly voice, so she probably likes that.
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Exactly. In fact, later today, I'm going to make a mixtape, and then on the very end of it,
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I'm going to like, hey, babe, you know I love you, you know, with a little background noise.
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I know you make my nose. Don't pretend you don't. I didn't pretend anything. I was just
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smiling because I'm thinking, man, those are the days. Mixtapes for our women.
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Yeah. Dude, I was good at the mixtape. Put on like a little, and this is before we knew R. Kelly
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was like a pervert, so like half the mixtape was kind of R. Kelly, boys to men, some good R&B,
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totally inappropriate, very sexual music. It was good times.
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I didn't know what Barry White sang, so I'm like, does he sing the Let's Get It On song?
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That's way better, actually. Let's go with Marvin Gaye.
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There you go. I'm not very musically inclined, so anything musically related,
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I don't know. You're not too bad. I've seen some videos of you singing in the shower.
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I'm just saying I'm willing to take money for those people that want to see that video.
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I don't even know if I have it. I'm sure you do, though. I'm sure you kept that one.
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Oh, man. Well, this should be an interesting one. You're a little under the weather. I'm a little
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tired. I got home late last night or early this morning, I guess, technically. My oldest son and I
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went on a hunt to Minnesota, so we got back about 1 or 2 a.m., and I'm tired. But here we are. We're
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doing this. We want to be here with you guys, and we had a really good hunt. My son, we had two tags
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for him, a buck and a doe. We did not see a buck, unfortunately. We did see a couple of does,
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and I felt so bad. Yesterday was our last sit of the hunt. It was a three-day hunt. It was our last
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sit. And I thought, we saw this doe pop out, and it's a muzzleloader hunt. So they had to be fairly
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close, but this doe is at 30 yards. I mean, just right there on top of us. And we're both like,
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all right, this is it. And it was a little bit dark still, still shooting light, but it was a little
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bit dark still, especially in our blind. And I pull up my camera because I thought this would be really
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cool. I'll get this on camera for him. Yeah. I'll get this on film. I'll get a video of him
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shooting this doe. And he gets all lined up and gets ready. And I hit record. And as soon as I
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hit record, because it was still dark in the stand, the flash turned on and the doe just busted out of
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there. Oh, that felt so horrible because we really hadn't seen much over the past three days.
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And I was, I was just, I was just beating myself up. I felt horrible. I can blow my own hunt,
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but if I'm going to blow somebody else's hunt, especially my son, I'm going to feel horrible
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about that. So the doe bust out of there, what's that? I'm just saying, I wouldn't have thought
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about it though. Right. I would have done the same exact thing. Oh yeah. I didn't think about it at all.
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Yeah. The doe bust out of there. I'm like, we're not going to see another doe this hunt's over.
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And we're just sitting there and chilling and sure enough, another doe steps up and same spot,
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same exact spot, 35 yards. She walks right out. We saw another doe and the kind of the forest come
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out, but she had a fawn with her. So we left her alone. Brecken lines up, shoots, kills her.
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You know, instantly I knew she was dead front shoulder. She's done. And he's like, did you get
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that on camera? I'm like, no, no, of course I didn't. I learned my lesson. Yeah. I'm not even
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going to tempt that fate there. So we went and tracked it down and found it. So I'm, I'm really
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excited and proud of him. First muzzleloader hunt was a success for him. We didn't get our
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buck tag filled, but we did get our doe tag filled. And that's pretty cool for him to put meat in the
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freezer. Cool. That's cool. Especially with a black powder, right? Black powder rifle is always kind
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of like a little bit more primitive, primitive hunting. I think it's fun. A little bit. I mean,
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some of these, some of these, some of them have like scopes on them. Do you guys have scopes on?
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Yeah. Cause I never even, I've never even thought about that as a kid that like, I remember seeing
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a scope on a muzzleloader. I'm like, what? That's weird. You know? Cause our muzzleloaders were always
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just like iron sights. Yeah. I think Utah's moving back next year to iron sights. You can use a scope.
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I think this year or could, I think the season's over, but Utah's moving back to iron sights or
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open sights only. Um, yeah, it's, I'd never done it before. He's the only one in the family that
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shot with a muzzleloader and he got it done. So props to him. Yeah. Awesome. Well, I'm glad it
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worked out. I was afraid your story was like, and we saw no additional dose. I was like, Oh, that's
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usually how it turns out. It just ended up working out in our favor this time, which I'm very,
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very grateful. I was praying to God. I'm like, please, please let another deer walk out in front
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of us. And if he misses that's on him, no longer on me. Totally. Totally. So we have some good
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questions. Uh, a handful from the iron council, um, as well as our Facebook group, that's facebook.com
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slash group slash order, man. Should we jump into it? Let's get it. All right. John McKenzie,
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what does leading your family spiritually and in faith look like to you?
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So I looked at these questions ahead of time. I typically don't, but I posted this morning for
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questions and I looked at this one and I'm so tired of people in my position, lying,
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like presenting themselves as something different than they are. And as I saw this question, I thought
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about, Oh, you know, what are the five things you can do to lead your family and spirituality and
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faith. And I was like thinking about it. I'm not good at this, man. That's the, that is the honest
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truth. I wish I could tell you do X, Y, and Z. There's some things I do. I, I pray personally for,
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for guidance and direction and insight. Uh, if, if an opportunity presents itself, it's a little bit
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more passive than maybe it ought to be. But if an opportunity presents itself for me to talk about
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a concept in either the Bible or just the spiritual concept in general, I try to take advantage of
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those opportunities. Uh, we, we, we do go to church, you know, but outside of that, this is not something
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I'm great at. It's really not. And I wish I could tell you, you know, do one, two and three and, and
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you'll be able to lead your family spiritually. What do you have Kip? I I'm, I'm, I'm willing to be
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here and learn from you. Cause I'm not, this is not a department that I'm very successful in.
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Well, let me, I had this thought this morning, what come back from the gym and it really felt like
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the, the black belt version of being a really good parent isn't doing the things that all of us know
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we should be doing as parents. It's us willing to get past our own personal shortcomings and our own
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personal problems that will affect our ability to parent our kids. Well, that's the struggle,
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right? It's really easy to do all the things that, you know, love your kids and, you know,
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being kind to all these things, but it's the, it's the personal battles that, that affect how we show
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up as parents. That's where the difficulty of being a great parent come in. And, and this is actually
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one for me as well, but it's, it, and I was going to ask you this, if you don't mind me asking,
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what is it that makes this difficult? I I've, I've thought about this a lot because I consider
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myself a spiritual person. And so I have to ask myself, what's my deal around showing up as a
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spiritual leader or leading my family spiritually? It's kind of, it seems like a dichotomy for some
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odd reason that this is important to me personally, but yet I struggle leading my family. And it's,
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and it's, I've, I've digested this enough to know, and it sounds super crazy that I fail to lead my
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family effectively spiritually because I've seen spiritual leading be abused and done wrong.
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And so I've been so overly cautious about how I show up as a spiritual leader at my house
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that I don't want to come across that way. Does that make sense? And use it as a tool and it's
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super, and I know better, but it's this, it's this battle that I have. And that's my struggle.
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I'm going to be really careful in the way I say this, because I don't want it to be directed at
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you or anybody else. I'm so tired of hearing men say that. I hate that.
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What I just said. I despise that. Like I do, man. I hear you guys. And look,
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I'm not discounting what you went through. I don't know what you experienced. I'm not discounting
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that. Man, somebody could have taken advantage of you. Somebody could have exploited you.
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Heaven forbid somebody could have abused you physically, mentally, emotionally,
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spiritually, sexually, whatever. I'm not discounting that. Guys, you know better. Like,
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you know, that's not spirituality. You know that. Yeah. And so many guys are like, Oh yeah. Well,
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I don't go to church anymore. Cause I had this pastor 10 years ago. He's what he's a fucking
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asshole. Yeah. It's like, Oh, do you think that's what, look, I, I'm getting fired up,
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but here's no, here's the rub. Here's the rub. There's a, there there's value. Well,
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how's this step one is why am I not step two is acting accordingly. Right. And, and I,
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what I'm hearing you say is people don't act accordingly. Like I was even listening to,
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and I'll save the name, but I was listening to a really popular influencer on Instagram
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and they were talking about religion. This guy goes, well, you know what? Religion is not really
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for me because, you know, you know, people are really self-righteous that are religious and
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blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that's his excuse. Right. And I, and I remember getting
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fired up going what, hold on. So your basis of whether spirituality or religion is important in
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your life is due to the surface level judgment of people being self-righteous. Right. And you just
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stop there versus going, well, why are some people self-righteous and how does that differ from
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religion? And is this still serve me? And then you execute anyway. Right. So I think it's important
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to understand like, man, why is this a thing for me, but complete the thought and go, okay,
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but I'm going to do this anyway, or I should do this anyway, or I'm going to move beyond that.
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And I'm going to understand and use that understanding as a catalyst to do what's effective.
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Yeah. Yeah. I, I agree with that. And, and I just, I get fired up. I get a little passionate
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about this one because look, I, I, we talk about sovereignty and I think when we do that,
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we're relinquishing our sovereignty and, and it's kind of an interesting word to use in the concept,
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in the context of, of faith, because we actually are voluntarily giving up our personal sovereignty
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over to God's authority, his sovereignty. So it's kind of an interesting word choice. Yeah.
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But when you choose to falsely attribute something that's on you. Yeah. And that's what it's a false
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attribution. I wrote down here, it's the wrong diagnosis. So guys will say, well, I'm not
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spiritual because I swore earlier. I'm trying not to swear, but I get fired up and I do sometimes,
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but Hey, I'm not spiritual. Cause by pastor, you know, he, he was a child molester comes out.
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He's a child molester. I'm not condoning that by any means, but that's the wrong diagnosis.
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That's like going to the doctor and say, Hey, my arm hurts. And the doc is like, cool. Let's put a
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cast on your leg. What, what does that have to do with anything? Yeah, totally. So we, we can regain
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some of our sovereignty through our personal agency and choice. Those are the words you used. And I like
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those two words that makes sense to me and also follow his will, but don't wrongly attribute
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a human being's flaws. I mean, you could even say the same thing about me with what I've gone
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through over the past year and a half. Like I've had guys, Oh, that's hypocritical.
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Well, it's not because I believed in everything I shared with you. I just failed at times to implement
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it in my own personal life. That doesn't make me hypocritical. Hypocritical is me telling you one
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thing, but believing something entirely different. I don't, I believe in what I'm sharing with
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you. But if you're like, well, I'm out of here. Yeah. Ryan, you know, five years ago,
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you may have helped give this information that helped me save my marriage and get things back
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on track. But you know, now I'm out of here. Wrong diagnosis. You propped me up on a pedestal
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that I didn't belong. And some of you guys do that with your pastors. Some of you do that
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with your churches. Some of you guys do that with your neighbors and you think they ought to be
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different. I'm not going to say better, different than you are. They're not.
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We're all the same. We talked about this last week, I think the natural man, a little bit
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of a tangent and a little bit of a rant right there. But guys, like, I really, I really want
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us to attribute correctly. What's, what's actually happening here. You know, like what is really
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going on? Are you mad at that person? Or are you mad at God? Are you mad at that person
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who took advantage of you or led you astray? Or are you mad at the concept of spirituality?
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And I think the overwhelming majority of you would probably, if you're really looking at it
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through the correct lens would say, Oh no, this was an isolated guy. This was an isolated experience.
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Or you may even be, and I think there's another question later and we'll get to it.
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You may even be looking at it through a clouded lens. I heard a guy say in one of the questions,
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something like, why are all, you know, people, faith-based people? So judgmental,
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is that accurate? Yeah. Or are they just as judgmental as everybody else on the planet?
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And you had a bad experience that you're filtering your conversations when it comes to spirituality
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through, and it looks different than what it actually is. I don't really know. It's just
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something to consider. Yeah. I think it's a good point. Let's, let's jump to that question. Is that
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okay? And then let's just address that a little bit more thoroughly. Yeah. So Rich Ford, he says,
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why are religious men so condescending towards non-believers? Of course, that's a, I don't
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know, overgeneralization, right? It's not an absolute statement. I've noticed this mostly
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with Christians, more than a couple of men on here have looked for solutions to issues caused
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to them by pastors, clergy, congregations, et cetera. I'm not an atheist. I'm not religious. I have some
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faith, but I do not practice organized religion, but I do feel as some are looking to do so do unto
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others as they want done unto them. Respect my beliefs and I'll respect yours. It's hard to
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respect someone's faith when they use it as a base for hatred. Considering what's going on,
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on the world today, everybody needs to chill, chill out with the religious extremism. So let's,
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let's jump into this. And we've kind of already addressed it, but let's, let's kind of address a
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little bit more maybe. Or I'll jump in. Do you want me to jump in?
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No, there's so much here. There's so much to unpack. And, and, and I look, I was like thinking
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about, Oh, here's this, here's this, here's this. Nobody's out to get you. Absolutely. Nobody cares
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about you. That's the reality. No, nobody cares about you. You know, I have five people in my life
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who care about me. And then I have maybe 10 or 20 people who care a little bit about me, but not
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unwavering. And then I have a lot of people who liked what I might have to say. And if I was gone
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tomorrow, they'd find another podcast in the next 24 hours and that's okay. Like it's, that's fine.
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I don't think people are out to get us. And even if they are, that really doesn't serve me believing
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that and living my life like that. Um, if you're comfortable with your own spirituality or your own
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walk in faith, it really doesn't matter. And, and to say that a Christians are condescending
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towards other people. Sure. Just like everybody else. Like I've, I've talked with, I've had so many
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interactions, thousands of interactions with people. I don't know if they're Christian or not.
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I just know that there's a lot of people who are condescending because they're arrogant.
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I've been condescending. Is that a Christian value? Is that a Christian, is that exclusively reserved
00:17:30.140
for Christianity? No, I don't think so. And are Christians spreading hate because they don't like
00:17:35.940
something? That's where we get confused. Well, let's take trend, uh, transgenderism or homosexuality.
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If a Christian says, Hey, I don't believe in those things. That's not hate. Hey, I think that's wrong.
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That's not hate. And by the way, nobody actually needs to respect your religion. Well, they should
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respect mine. So I'll respect theirs. I don't need to respect your stuff. Why? Why am I
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obligated to respect what you believe? I don't, if it is in conflict with mine, I'm not obligated
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to respect you out of some sort of misunderstanding about what right you have to my respect. Now,
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I think there's a base level of respect that all humans deserve a base level. And then it can grow
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from there based on our interactions and, and communication and, and, and our, and our friendship
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or, or relationship. But yeah, I don't, I'm not obligated to respect your way of life and you're
00:18:30.500
not obligated to respect mine, but that isn't reserved for Christianity. Isn't reserved for
00:18:35.100
Buddhists. It isn't reserved for, for Muslims. It isn't reserved for name the religion. But when you
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have something that you're really passionate about, and I will say this in all fairness, that when it comes
00:18:47.180
to Christianity, there is a doctrine that is to be followed, that is quite literally indoctrinated
00:18:55.920
into a person so that they follow it. And they believe that their path is the only path. And so
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when you believe that you're on a path, that is the only path, whether it's spiritual or otherwise,
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of course, everything else is going to look wrong to you. Of course. Absolutely. It's just the way of
00:19:13.340
life. And so I, I don't, again, I'm, I don't like painting myself as a victim and saying, oh,
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why is it all Christians? So condescending? I don't know. I've met plenty of great Christians
00:19:23.960
who aren't, and I've met people who aren't Christians who are. I think it's more of a person
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than anything else. I've, I've got some, there's people in my neighborhood who are amazing. Like I've
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got this woman, she's a neighbor. When I leave, she sends me a message. Hey, I know you're out of town.
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Like this last hunt that I was on with my son. I know you're at our town. I'm going to pick up
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your packages off the front and put them on the back. And I pulled up my cameras and they gave
00:19:46.460
me alerts and she's putting things in the back for me. And she's, she just got done with surgery
00:19:51.620
and she's still moving packages from the front of my porch to the back of my porch. She brought up
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some banana bread, which my youngest son demolished before anybody else could get some. Like, I don't
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know if she's Christian or not. I don't, I assume she is because she celebrates Christmas, which is
00:20:10.480
not a Christian holiday. I know it's been mainstreamed. It doesn't matter to me. She's
00:20:17.620
a good person. And the people who aren't, just stay away from those people, Christian or not.
00:20:22.400
Yeah. Critical thinking is sometimes takes energy and it's sometimes difficult. And that's,
00:20:29.980
that's why most people just jump to judgments and conclusions. The reality of it is, is are all
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religious people? No, no, of course not. Um, and most importantly, people don't go around
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trying to be or disrupt your life, right? Like look at the human condition and that's all that's
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required here is for us to actually like not be quick to judge and just think about why do people
00:20:56.660
do what they do? Perfect example. I've done this multiple times in the iron council. I have a goal
00:21:02.580
that says, don't use my phone from six to 9 PM when I get home. So I don't do it. It's ironic how
00:21:10.580
judgmental I get once I start doing that. Yeah. Right. I leave my phone away. And then what do I
00:21:17.560
notice? Everybody else playing with their phone. All of a sudden it's heightened awareness of how
00:21:23.680
people, what's that? I said, or dieting. That's another one. Absolutely. Absolutely. And so it's
00:21:31.940
heightened awareness because I'm on this path. And now all I know, all I noticed is all the people
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not on the same path that I'm doing. And I'm so bought into how valuable that is. So what do I do?
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The human condition is, Hey, man, they shouldn't do that. And, and most importantly, if I'm religious
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and I believe something that serious and my faith is that strong, of course I'm bought into it.
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Of course I am. And, and, and of course, I'm going to look at other people and think, man,
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they should probably do this. Oh, because I hate them. No, they should probably do this because I'm
00:22:07.260
finding value in it. And I think they would find value in it as well. So the, the, the key thing here
00:22:13.240
is people, most people are judgmentals because they're being lazy, lazy with their thought process.
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You don't like something that someone does critically think and figure out why are they
00:22:23.840
doing it? And most of the time it's not to offend you. It's not to cause disruption. It's they have
00:22:30.040
stories, they have struggles, they have things going on, and you might be an innocent bystander
00:22:35.520
in something that they're doing. And they don't even realize that you're quote unquote being offended.
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Thus the power of stoicism, right? It's like, man, at least own the fact that you're being offended
00:22:46.480
or not and stop over to generalizing and placing judgment. There's my, there's my rant.
00:22:51.940
Well, I don't even think it's laziness. Kip, you said it's laziness. I think that's too much credit
00:22:56.420
because laziness to me is, is awareness that I'm, I should be doing something, but I deliberately
00:23:02.380
don't do it. That would be laziness. Yeah. Right. Like, oh man, I need to go to the gym.
00:23:07.320
Like you know better. And then you choose not to. That's laziness. What I, what I think it is,
00:23:12.740
is just ignorance. And ignorance is a level below that. You're not even aware.
00:23:18.140
Yeah. It's not even on your radar. Yeah. So think about this. I bet today at some point
00:23:25.080
when you're driving from point A to point B, what you're thinking about is I have to get back to work
00:23:31.100
on time. I have to go pick up this Christmas gift for my daughter. I have to get to the dentist
00:23:35.620
appointment. I have to get to my kid's soccer game. And like, that's what's on your mind.
00:23:39.740
How many people do you think you cut off on the way to any of those things? Never. Yeah. Never,
00:23:47.500
never happens. You never ignored anybody on there all the time. We cut people off. We do dumb things.
00:23:54.000
We don't use our blinker. We don't offer somebody an opportunity to emerge. Not because we hate that
00:23:58.540
person. We don't even know who that is. We don't even know they exist just because we're focused on
00:24:02.600
getting to the soccer game on time. That's it. Here's a couple of litmus tests that I would use and
00:24:08.300
that I have used personally. When I'm offended about something, which I do get offended. All of us
00:24:13.620
do. We take it personal. Our ego gets damaged or bruised. And so we take offense to it. Yeah.
00:24:20.360
Is he right? Is he right? Hey, you know, if somebody calls me an a-hole. That's a tough question.
00:24:27.560
If somebody says, Hey, Ryan, you're an a-hole. We know I'm, well, if I take a step back, like,
00:24:33.540
maybe the way I approach that, that's actually accurate. And then is it a credible source?
00:24:42.240
That's important too. Is he right? Is this a credible source? If the answer is yes to both of
00:24:47.640
those, then regardless of how you feel about it, might want to take it into consideration.
00:24:54.060
Totally. I have a business application. Quick example. We had a brand new manager join from
00:25:03.100
corporate America. And eventually I get this email, like this big story, right? This rap sheet of why
00:25:10.180
this person's dropping the ball and just this evidence sheet of just excuse and reason and
00:25:17.560
meaning without facts and, you know, whatever, whatever. And my response to him was first, I didn't
00:25:26.120
read that whole email, but I got the gist. So let's just talk. And my first question was, is, okay, so
00:25:32.660
he's dropping the ball. Yep. Okay. Do you know why? And he just pauses. Well, no. Oh, okay. Why don't
00:25:41.600
you go ask him? And then better yet, ask him why he didn't follow up or why he dropped the ball and
00:25:49.140
then see how we can help him. And let me know. Because I doubt he's sitting over there in his
00:25:54.680
little desk going, oh, you know, I just really want to piss off people and I want to do a bad job and I
00:25:59.120
don't want to win at my job. Of course he is. He wants to do good. We all want to be great at what we
00:26:04.860
do. So when we're not, and that affects other people, then go ask the effing question and say,
00:26:11.600
what's going on? How can I help you? And then help them bridge the gap of performance and figure
00:26:17.980
out what the issue is. Get the full set of data, right? Man. Well, and allow that, allow that person
00:26:24.960
to defend themselves. Yeah. Especially if it's out of character. Yeah. Kip, you show, you show up all
00:26:33.960
the time. Every, every week you show up, you know, sometimes a little late here or there, but like,
00:26:38.460
you're always here. Five minutes late today. If, if one day you didn't show up, I didn't hear from
00:26:44.540
you. Like, even if you're going to be late, you, you still message me. You're like, Hey, right. I'm
00:26:48.460
running five minutes behind last week. Cool. No problem. If one day it was nine 15, nine 20, nine 30.
00:26:54.400
You didn't, I didn't seem on the call. No text, nothing. I wouldn't be mad at you. I'd be like,
00:27:01.840
Oh, is Kip. Okay. Yeah. You'd be messaging my wife going, Hey, Kip's MIA. Something's up.
00:27:09.040
Because it's so out of character for you. Yeah. And, and so that's one thing that we should look
00:27:14.020
at is what is this guy? So there's a great book called left a bang. I can't remember the author's
00:27:17.840
name right off hand. He was on the podcast years and years ago. And he says that even in situations
00:27:23.500
that we're looking at, uh, potential threats when we're out in public or whatever it might be,
00:27:29.140
that we should just look for the baseline. The way people act at a fancy restaurant is different
00:27:32.780
than the way they might act at a, uh, allowed, you know, wrong concert. For example, if people
00:27:38.420
acted at the restaurant, like they would at the concert, that would be uncharacteristically
00:27:43.960
skeptical. I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd worry about that. Yeah. So you look at the baseline of how this person
00:27:51.460
acts or how this person behaves or what the situation calls for. And then you start looking
00:27:54.920
for abnormalities, excuse me, if I can say that abnormalities. And if you see those, then
00:28:01.760
there's something deeper than, Hey, Kip just didn't show up on time. Yeah. There's something
00:28:06.580
deeper there and we ought to figure out what it is. All right. Joshua Collins with 2024 around the
00:28:12.520
corner and the battle plan for Q1 being worked on by most of us in the iron council. I've been
00:28:18.120
thinking a lot about my vision and rewriting it with that said, several non-negotiables come to
00:28:23.240
mind, things I have to do and cannot do based upon the values of my mission or my vision. I should say,
00:28:31.020
what are several non-negotiables that you and Kip have defined for your life up to this point?
00:28:36.260
And how do you plan to implement those into Q1 of 2024? I would like to know what, is it Josh?
00:28:44.120
Joshua Collins. Yeah. Joshua. I would actually like to know what his non-negotiables are. So
00:28:50.040
Joshua, let me know. Cause I'm curious what yours are. I think that'd be helpful if we knew what
00:28:55.100
yours were. I think it'd be helpful for other people. So we could get an idea of, of how you're
00:28:58.580
proceeding. You know, for me, a big thing with the circumstances of my life right now is making
00:29:05.940
sure that my kids know that they're loved, that they have my attention and my energy and resources and
00:29:13.360
investment of time and energy into them. That's very, very important to me, especially right now
00:29:19.600
as we're dealing with and navigating uncharted territory for us. So that is a, that is a
00:29:26.540
non-negotiable. I will set everything else aside. I will set this podcast aside, the business aside,
00:29:31.600
financial stuff aside in, in exchange for ensuring that they know that I'm here and present for them.
00:29:38.860
That's a non-negotiable. I was, I was thinking a little bit about, about this. I think in a roundabout
00:29:46.680
way over the past three or four days on this hunt, like what are the things that we value? And oftentimes
00:29:53.100
when you listen to a self-help podcast or read a book, it'll have you do some sort of exercise and
00:29:59.420
you value honor and integrity and these sorts of things, which are good, but they're so cookie cutter.
00:30:05.600
I don't think there's any passion or emotion behind it. And I started thinking about what are the
00:30:09.740
things that I subconsciously value? Like not honor. We all consciously value that. Like we're aware of
00:30:16.200
that. We all value integrity. We all value a man being a man of his word, people we can rely on being
00:30:22.020
those kinds of men ourselves. But what do I subconsciously value? And one of the things that
00:30:26.460
came up to me was the idea of just trying new things. I am repulsed when I see somebody who's
00:30:35.360
unwilling to try something new, whether it's a new food or a new experience because they've never done
00:30:41.280
it before. And they're like, no, I don't want that. That's repulsive to me. And I started asking
00:30:46.500
myself over the weekend, why is that such a, like a visceral response? Somebody's like, I don't want to
00:30:52.540
try that food because I value that. And so one of my non-negotiables as we roll into 2024 is that if I
00:30:59.700
have an idea, I'm doing it. I'm in. Hell yeah, I'm in. Let's do it. Because I value, and I have for
00:31:08.400
years, but I've never consciously made that connection. And I think part of the reason that
00:31:13.260
this podcast and movement is so successful is because I've valued that for over a decade.
00:31:20.160
I never would have done this if that wasn't a deeply entrenched value of mine.
00:31:26.000
Yeah. And that was pretty enlightening. Now I'm actually really curious about what other
00:31:30.680
subconscious values that I have. And I can identify those through the way that I act
00:31:34.940
and the way that I respond both positively and negatively to people, circumstances,
00:31:41.300
the environment around me and figure out why is that the way it is. Dating, for example,
00:31:47.500
why is she so attractive to me? Yeah. Like what is it? It's not enough just to say I'm
00:31:53.720
attracted to her. I don't think that's enough. Yeah. I want to know why, why am I so attracted to
00:31:58.940
her? Like what about her? Am I seeing so much value in, and it's so entrenched into who I am
00:32:06.840
that I can't even identify what it is. You know, what about this business? What about being fit?
00:32:13.660
What about the way that I lead my children? What about the way I respond to my children
00:32:17.560
when they're upset or they're going through a difficult time? And so my non-negotiable is
00:32:22.220
really trying to be aware of where all of this stuff is coming from and then getting down to it
00:32:28.280
because I want to replicate it. If I know what I'm attracted to in her, I'm going to honor that in
00:32:34.440
her. I'm going to encourage that in her. I'm going to try to be that myself. If I see that in a way I
00:32:40.560
approach a business, I'm going to do that more in my business. Hopefully it will produce more
00:32:44.440
success. If I see that with my children, we're going to have deeper and more meaningful conversations.
00:32:49.940
These are becoming non-negotiables for me. That's a really fun way to get to your
00:32:54.680
non-negotiables. The things that kind of drive you that like subconsciously when, when I think about it,
00:33:01.420
it's authenticity. I know that's such a loaded word sometimes, but for me, if I have the slightest
00:33:10.080
inclination that when I meet someone, they're not being themselves, like they're putting it on the
00:33:16.080
front or they're overly concerned about what I think or what other people, I'm immediately turned
00:33:20.600
off. I can't stand it. And I think I have a special power to know when that shows up. Like sometimes
00:33:27.520
my wife would be like, oh, aren't they so great? I'm like, nope, don't like them. Why? I'm like,
00:33:32.700
no, they're all show. It was all about trying to look good and the audience are looking bad. They
00:33:37.920
weren't themselves. And I just, for whatever reason, I can't, I can't stand it. On the flip
00:33:45.360
side of that, ironically enough, to use your example, that's really important to me. It's really
00:33:52.500
important to me that whatever I'm doing, whether it's this podcast or whether it's stuff I do at
00:33:58.380
work, that it's rooted in a pure intent, that I don't lose sight of what I'm doing, that, that it's
00:34:05.920
about something. It's, it has to be something greater than looking good and seeking the approval
00:34:12.700
of other people. And, and it is still a battle. Like I have to like, hold on, check, Kip, like check
00:34:18.920
your ego here. Why are you nervous right now? Oh, I'm nervous because I'm concerned about what
00:34:24.540
Ryan might think, or I'm concerned about these. And I have to go, no, no, that's not what this is
00:34:28.240
about. And I have to re center myself in regards to what I'm doing. And that's a non-negotiable for
00:34:36.060
me. I don't ever want to be in a position, whether it's work or in a religious position or anything else
00:34:44.840
and have me doing it for the wrong reason. That is really, really important to me because that's
00:34:50.840
where my fire comes from. If that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. We're talking about
00:34:57.720
non-negotiables on a different level. Cause usually what we'd say is read 10 pages, go to the gym,
00:35:03.100
eat clean, go to the gym. Those are good, but you should do those things. Of course.
00:35:07.420
Yeah. One of the things is you were talking about this Kip that came to mind for me is doing things
00:35:11.620
the right way. That is a non-negotiable for me. I will, if I'm started, if I do a project,
00:35:20.200
people around me know this, if I do a project and it's off and it doesn't look good, I'll,
00:35:24.840
I'll burn the entire project to the ground before I finish it like that. Doing it the right way is so
00:35:33.160
crucial to me. It's so important to me. And so when I show up at the gym, for example,
00:35:38.220
like I don't do bench press and just like, and just like throw up the weight, like I'm there.
00:35:46.380
I'm deliberate. I'm intentional. I'm wondering, okay, what's a better way of doing this?
00:35:51.380
I'm asking my son. Cause he, cause he's got power lifting instruction. I'm like, Hey,
00:35:55.520
what do I do with my feet? He's like, put them here. Okay. What do I do with the arch of my back?
00:35:58.620
Do this. Okay. Where's my hand supposed to be? Okay. Put them there. Like every little detail.
00:36:05.120
So yeah, I'll get stronger if I just go put more weight on the bar, but I want to do it right.
00:36:10.860
I asked people about camera equipment for this podcast. Um, you know, I've got a list of Christmas
00:36:16.340
gifts cause I want it to be important and special to that. Like everything for me is about doing it
00:36:21.060
right. That's, that's a non-negotiable for me. We talked about this a couple of weeks ago and
00:36:25.720
ironically I've held onto that podcast discussion from probably about three weeks ago where we talked
00:36:32.620
about creating life as a masterpiece. It's true, man. And, and it's not just about Ryan wants to do
00:36:40.860
it because well, because it makes him look good. It's like, no, if you're going to do it, like have
00:36:46.340
pride in it, feel good about it, right? Like do it for the right reason and be fully in that's all
00:36:52.380
part of kind of creating that masterpiece is at least is what I've taken away from our conversation
00:36:57.460
from a couple of weeks ago. And, and even now, I don't, I think, I think people appreciate it.
00:37:03.340
You know, if you show up to a presentation and you're not prepared, nobody's going to appreciate
00:37:08.220
you're not going to serve them. But if you show up adequately prepared and you've got all your
00:37:11.920
materials, like how many present and you can know this of all people, how many presentations you've
00:37:17.360
shown up and the technology is not working. Yeah. It's like, why don't you do that 20 minutes ago,
00:37:22.880
bro. Now we have to spend 20 minutes looking at you fiddling around with your laptop because you
00:37:27.680
didn't have it pulled up correctly, or you didn't know how to press play on the video and your stupid
00:37:32.320
PowerPoint. That's not on me. That's not my problem. Do it right. Please do it right. If you're going to
00:37:41.260
take your wife on a date, take 20 minutes and run down to the carwash, get all the McDonald's cheese
00:37:47.920
burger wrappers and big Macs and whatever out of there, vacuum the damn car, spend $20 on having
00:37:54.820
the thing cleaned and go pick her up the way that she deserves to be picked up. Not you with your
00:38:00.440
clothes from work and just showing up in the bare minimum and sitting around and being like, show up
00:38:05.620
fully in present. Totally. Talk about an impact with really not that much effort. It's like the extra
00:38:13.120
10% that nobody else thinks about, or if they do, they're too lazy to go back to our point earlier to
00:38:19.240
do anything about it. Be the 10% guy, not the 90% guy. That's easy. 90 is easy. And I think we do that
00:38:27.460
for the, the, we have a tendency if, if the thing is not big enough, then we'll downplay its importance
00:38:33.440
and then quality dips versus no, I'm going to win at whatever is on my lap, whatever opportunities
00:38:43.060
presented before me, I'm going to win and make it a masterpiece. We have a tendency to go, Oh,
00:38:48.220
it's not until that meeting or that conference has over 500 people. Then, I mean, then it's a big
00:38:54.020
deal. Then I'll present better. But when, if it's just 20 people, then, you know, no big deal.
00:38:59.180
Yeah. What I would say to that is if it's not a big deal to you, then don't do it.
00:39:05.700
Yeah. Yeah. If having 10 guys on the call is not a big deal, it's not important to you. Then just
00:39:11.260
don't do it. Yeah. Otherwise, why are you there? Go spend your time doing something else. That's fine.
00:39:16.660
No problem. I respect that. Actually don't show up, not ready to be all in. Yeah. Good call.
00:39:25.140
All right. Next question. Justin Bolden, when working hard towards a goal or standard in life
00:39:34.100
and then falling short of that goal because of your own inability to follow through,
00:39:38.480
what changes need to be made in order to get yourself and your mindset back on track towards
00:39:43.960
the task at hand? I'm trying my best to stay on the path of following through with my self-made
00:39:49.200
commitments, but I sometimes falter and come up short. I know the answer can be simple as do what
00:39:55.240
you'll say you're going to do, but how do you both individually deal with scenarios when you come
00:40:00.280
up short? Non-negotiables. I am a man who can be relied upon. If I tell you I'm going to take out the
00:40:07.980
trash, I'm going to take out the trash. If I tell you I'm going to be there at seven o'clock,
00:40:13.120
I'm going to be there at six 59. It's a non-negotiable. It's in my DNA. You cannot
00:40:20.020
extrapolate that from who I am anymore. And I haven't always been that way in, in not in the
00:40:24.960
not too distant past. I haven't been that way, but that's what I value. And if your value,
00:40:33.180
your sense of value and pride and honor is derived from being a man who completes and follows through
00:40:38.780
and the things he says he's going to do, this is a non-issue, even if you don't want to do it.
00:40:44.140
And there's been plenty of things I don't want to do. I'm working on a little project
00:40:47.040
for Christmas right now for one of my boys. I don't want to do it. I'm tired of it,
00:40:51.360
but it's December 11th. I got two weeks. So guess what I'm going to be doing today?
00:40:59.180
Because that's a non-negotiable. There's no question of like, Oh, I don't feel like it. Maybe I'll do it
00:41:04.640
later. Maybe no, no, I'm going to do it right now. So I think once you adopt that sort of mentality,
00:41:12.200
the rest of it starts to fall into place. And please know that you're not abnormal.
00:41:18.880
You're not different than anybody else than Kib, you or me, or any other high achiever that you
00:41:24.700
might know or listen to on a podcast or read their book. They don't have it figured out there. They just
00:41:30.100
have something they're striving towards. And that aspirational element of their life makes them
00:41:36.700
continue to press on when they don't feel like doing it. So yeah, I know it's trite. And I know
00:41:41.760
just saying, just do it is it's not great advice. But I think if we get deeper than that, and we really
00:41:48.460
think about what kind of man am I, you could take everything else away from me. You could take my kids
00:41:55.280
away from me, my family away from me, my finances. You could pull me out of this house. You could take the
00:41:59.780
podcast away from me. And in that moment, all my clothes, I'm bare naked. I'm standing there alone
00:42:04.680
and miserable. What kind of man am I then? Am I a wealthy man? No, because I don't have any money.
00:42:11.940
Am I a loved man? No, because I'm lonely. There's no external externality that I can
00:42:18.580
cling on to that's going to identify who I am. Now it's just me. And who am I in that moment? A guy
00:42:24.840
that shows up fully, a guy that goes all in, a guy that does it right, a guy that follows through on
00:42:29.480
his commitments. And guess what? I won't be lonely and broke for long if I do those things.
00:42:33.940
Oh, this is, this is the power of ensuring that our goals and our visions are rooted on the man we
00:42:44.060
are being and not just the circumstances and results. Results come from behaviors and behaviors
00:42:55.040
come from mindsets, right? And so who are you? What kind of man are you? Agnostic of the results,
00:43:03.660
regardless of the byproducts of our actions, what kind of man do you show up today? And what's great
00:43:10.600
about it is you can recreate it today, right? But when our goals are, I'm going to be rich or I want to
00:43:17.920
do this or whatever. It's okay. Then I'm going to delay fulfillment when, when the goal gets reached.
00:43:24.080
But when we focus on actual mindsets, I could do that today. I could be that man right now.
00:43:32.300
I could show up insanely powerful over the next two hours. If I choose to be, I don't need certain
00:43:39.960
circumstances. I don't need life to align a particular way. I don't need any of that,
00:43:45.100
regardless of what the next two hours ends up being for me. I could do it as a powerful man.
00:43:53.700
And that is a choice I can make right now, regardless. Now I'm not saying we don't have
00:43:59.600
goals and we don't work towards something, but sometimes I have a tense and, and I'm projecting
00:44:04.260
because I do this where I'll be like, Oh, well, when this happens, then I will be whatever. It's like,
00:44:11.440
F that be it now, right now in the next meeting, how you show up on the mats in this call.
00:44:19.920
When I call my mom or whatever, be that person today. And, and Justin, that's, that's how you
00:44:27.320
get back on the path because you don't need anything. You don't need circumstances. You don't
00:44:31.820
need results. You don't need anything to show up powerfully because we are focused on the man we are
00:44:37.320
being not necessarily just the results that we produce. And ironically enough, the results just
00:44:45.620
follow. Absolutely. Everything that you want, a marriage, a wealth, a business, a relationship with
00:44:54.440
your children, the body that you want, like everything that you want. That's, that's a given
00:45:01.100
when you start doing the right things. It's just a given. I don't have to focus.
00:45:05.200
They're the by-product. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Let's take one or two more kit
00:45:10.500
and we'll maybe do a little bit shorter. Yeah. Responses, short rants, shorter rants,
00:45:16.600
Reese Carter, both on a rant today, actually. Like we're both renting today. So I hope it doesn't
00:45:20.820
come across as angry. Like I'm not angry. I'm just fired up today. Yeah. You're sleep deprived.
00:45:26.540
Maybe we're both sleep deprived and this is just what happens. So left obeying the authors was Patrick
00:45:31.960
Van Horn and Jason Riley. That's the book that you mentioned earlier. Thanks for bringing that up.
00:45:37.260
Yeah. All right. Reese Carter, what's another word for the nanosphere that aligns to what we're
00:45:43.340
really doing here in the Iron Council? When I Google or look for the term on Wikipedia, I get a description
00:45:48.280
that doesn't really fit the order of man or Iron Council model. So what say you? Personally, the word
00:45:55.160
feels a little bit like woke culture. What's your thoughts? I don't know. I don't know. I don't
00:46:01.720
care. No opinion. Sovereignty. No, I mean, look, I have an opinion. I think the manosphere is generally,
00:46:10.020
I'm just speaking in generalities and I know there's not everybody in this camp, but I think is
00:46:14.340
generally a little bit bitter, a little bit angry towards society and women in general,
00:46:21.100
a little bit of victimization, a little bit of the male equivalent of third wave feminism.
00:46:28.780
A little bit of red pill in there. Yeah. I don't attribute to that. What do I attribute
00:46:36.480
what we're doing here? Nothing. This is order of man. There's nobody doing it like we're doing.
00:46:41.840
Maybe that's an arrogant statement to make, but you know what? It is what it is. I ran into a couple
00:46:46.960
of people this weekend at the airport of all places who came up to me like, Hey, are you Ryan?
00:46:51.100
And they, and I don't care about that. What I care about is they told me the results.
00:46:54.840
One guy had talked to a baggage claim last night. He's like, Hey man, I just lost 80 pounds this year
00:46:59.260
so far. That's not a victim. Yeah. That's somebody who looked in the mirror and he was like, dang,
00:47:06.040
I don't look good. I need to do something about this. And then he talked about him and his daughter,
00:47:10.380
his, I think if I remember correctly, his 14 or 13 year old daughter, she's getting fit. She's going to
00:47:15.460
the gym with him. They're lifting weights together. He she's seeing his transformation right before his eyes,
00:47:19.580
right before her eyes. Excuse me. Is that manosphere? I don't, I don't care what you call
00:47:24.460
it. What I care about is that's a dad. That's a husband. That's a leader. Call it whatever you
00:47:29.180
want. Yeah. It goes back to the Christianity thing. Call it whatever you want. Just be a good person.
00:47:34.100
You want to call it Christianity. Cool. I believe in God. Like I know there's going to be people who
00:47:38.480
don't like that because they, they think there's just one way to do it. And maybe there is,
00:47:43.440
I don't know. We'll find out at some point, but just be a good human being. Manosphere. I don't
00:47:48.480
know. Just be a better dad than you are, than you were yesterday. And, and I like, I don't know who
00:47:53.580
said it, but I did look at this question. I like sovereignty because that's what we preach is like
00:47:59.580
being a man who's physically fit, who's financially capable, who's got capabilities and skill sets to
00:48:04.700
be marketable, who leads his family. Well, who leads his family in righteousness, who has those
00:48:09.740
non-negotiables, all the things that we've been talking about for the past hour is an individual
00:48:13.340
who's sovereign. And, and I, I like that. I like sovereignty. I mean, we, we really coined the
00:48:20.000
term. You'll hear a lot of people, even guys like Jordan Peterson talk about sovereignty, but they
00:48:23.620
weren't talking about it until we started talking about it until that book came out in 2015, 2016,
00:48:30.040
somewhere in there. And, and that's, that's what we're all about here is making sovereign men.
00:48:34.800
Who said that, by the way, I think that's the, I think that's the, the appropriate answer.
00:48:38.240
Um, do you want me to look it up? I can look it up. Sorry. I wasn't impressed.
00:48:43.560
We're all just going to stare at you awkwardly. Yeah. Let me just, uh, I'll pull it up while we,
00:48:47.560
while you address the second question, Brian Neiman, when it comes to compliments, I feel very
00:48:53.380
uncomfortable when I, when I received them because I tend to think that's how it should be done.
00:48:59.760
I grew up on a farm and compliments were not a thing. It was a great, get it done and move on to the
00:49:05.580
type atmosphere. Do you think it's a disrespectful not to respond back with a thank you? Or even though
00:49:12.180
they know I don't like the compliment. Is there a way to know that you answered this? I started your
00:49:17.780
podcast late and I'm currently listening from 2019. Hell yeah. All right. Uh, I think I used this term
00:49:25.300
earlier. It's a misattribution of value. Yeah. If I come to you and I say, Hey, Kip, thank you.
00:49:32.340
And you say, Oh, that's how it should be done. You don't understand what value is.
00:49:36.920
Yeah. You don't get it. And it's an insult to you. You went on your way to say, thank you.
00:49:40.780
And I'm like, whatever. We'll get to that in a minute. Let's just talk about the
00:49:44.460
misattribution of value. You, what you're saying is you, what you believe is more valuable than what I
00:49:50.400
believe. That's what you're saying. When I say, Hey, Kip, you did a good job on this podcast.
00:49:56.040
You're like, no, no, no, no, no. You're saying that your identification or your metric of value
00:50:00.620
is more important than mine. Yeah. But guess who gets to determine what's valuable in my life?
00:50:06.780
You know, my kids know my business partners. No, there's only one person, me. I get to decide
00:50:15.880
what I value. And so if I tell you, Hey, Kip, man, you were on it today. Good job. Way to go. That
00:50:22.900
was, that was amazing. All I'm doing is saying that was valuable to me. And all you have to do is say,
00:50:27.940
thank you. I'm glad you found it valuable. That's it. Yeah. Not like, Oh no, no, no. No, whatever.
00:50:37.300
You're saying that you're, you're more important than what they're doing, what they're saying.
00:50:41.320
And you're not. And then to get to your point a minute ago about, about, uh, you're not valuing
00:50:48.880
or honoring what they say. That's right. Like if I gave you a physical gift, imagine this Christmas
00:50:53.020
gifts. I'm like, Hey Kip, I've been thinking about you this year and I got you this brand new gi and
00:50:56.860
I thought you would like it. And here you go. And I gave this to you. And you're like, no, I don't
00:51:00.480
like this. I'm not going to ever wear this. Thanks though. You would never do. You might do it.
00:51:05.580
Absolutely not. No, I'm so serious about it, but no, you would never do that. But when it comes to compliments,
00:51:11.100
we do it all the time. Oh, stop. No, just say, thank you. You don't even have to believe it's
00:51:17.840
true. It's that's not what it's about. It's just about honoring what they're giving to you. They're
00:51:22.280
giving a gift and let them give it to you because that, that provides value in their life. And you're
00:51:28.040
the catalyst for that. So even if you don't believe it, a simple, thank you. I'm really glad
00:51:33.620
that that was valuable or thank you. That means a lot to me that you saw that. Thank you. Um, that makes
00:51:40.160
me feel good. Those are all completely appropriate. Totally. I've been trying to do that. Like on
00:51:46.560
socials, like when guys reach out and stuff and they'll say things like, Oh, Hey, thanks for your
00:51:50.560
comment or response into a question. Or it was valuable back in the day. I'd like thumbs up
00:51:56.200
emoji. You know what I mean? And I'm like, no, that's not true. Right. It's like, Hey, you know,
00:52:01.460
I really appreciate that. Like that, that helps ignite the fire that what we're talking about is
00:52:07.360
valuable. So thank you. Yeah. Like be with it, you know, and sit with it a little bit. There's
00:52:13.320
nothing wrong with that. And it's nice when you do that because you know, you feel better when
00:52:18.740
somebody compliments you. Of course you do. So just embrace it. If somebody says my oldest son
00:52:24.460
the other day, cause I've been doing this weight loss thing. He said the other day, he's like, dad,
00:52:27.680
you look really good. Like you, I can already see that you leaned out quite a bit. That feels good.
00:52:32.640
Who's going to say it doesn't feel good. If they're being honest, of course it feels good.
00:52:37.460
So just say, thank you. Oh, thanks bud. Like I've been working hard. It means a lot to me that you
00:52:43.320
noticed. Thanks. That's it. Like there's, there's nothing else you need to do or say, just thank you.
00:52:50.040
And quick acknowledgement of their gift and go on about your way.
00:52:53.420
All right. Next question. Levi Brickley. This guy's getting after it here. He says over the last
00:53:00.060
year I've paid off 19,000 of credit card debt, quit drinking alcohol five months ago, lost 55 pounds
00:53:08.080
and been consistent in the gym and have taken the famous Jordan Peterson's quote, clean your room
00:53:13.300
to heart, but applied it to the house. So I feel mentally and financially, physically,
00:53:18.520
and spiritually healthier than I've ever have in my life. Awesome. Of course. Um, I met a woman 31 who
00:53:26.620
is great. Our morals and values, long-term desires align. We've been dating for two months, but have
00:53:32.960
not gotten serious. Every time we discuss it, it's been something holding her back. She brought up last
00:53:39.840
week that her ex of two years contacted her for the first time in the four months. The result of that
00:53:46.440
is she feels conflicted between him and I, I feel that my current position compared to his I'm an
00:53:52.540
obvious choice. What are some insights to how to effectively navigate the situation? Do I pursue,
00:53:58.500
do I give space or do I follow the common mentality of she doesn't see your worth, uh, the worth that
00:54:04.740
and leave her. My goal is to operate in empathy and compassion in the situation. Ultimately follow
00:54:10.740
the purpose God has just having a difficult time navigating the situation. Well, I want to address
00:54:17.500
that last thing about the ultimate purpose that God has. Number one, you don't know his plan for you.
00:54:22.620
And number two, she has agency also. So God's plan for you, even though you think it's God's plan
00:54:29.320
may not be taking into consideration her plan, which lacks empathy, which is something you said you want to
00:54:35.600
be. So I think you can leave. And I think you can be empathetic. Hey, babe, I can see how this is
00:54:45.480
hard. You've been with this guy for 10 years. You have a child with him. I'm making a few things up
00:54:50.200
here. Okay. Whatever. Yeah. But you've been with this guy. You have a kid with it. I understand this
00:54:54.260
must be a difficult decision for you. And I can see how it would be, but I'm not willing to be a choice.
00:55:00.400
If I'm a choice between me and somebody else, my choice is to go be with somebody who doesn't have
00:55:09.480
to make a choice. And so I respect where you're at. I can see where you're at. I can see that this
00:55:15.600
is hard for you, but this is not something that's going to work for me. And until I'm ready to be
00:55:22.000
your only, then I'm not interested in this. That's hard, especially with a woman that you love.
00:55:29.140
You love her, right? Of course you do. The way you're talking, you love her. That's hard, but
00:55:34.640
you know what? You're on a terror and there's a lot of women out there who I won't see will be
00:55:40.040
better than her. I don't know, but there's a lot of incredible women out there who won't make you a
00:55:47.740
choice. You're not going to be like, oh, I should take door number A, letter A, B or C. That's not,
00:55:53.800
there's no B or C. There's just you. Don't you want to be that in somebody's life? And if you're
00:55:59.800
tied up with somebody who's on a game show, selecting A, B or C, you're not freeing yourself
00:56:04.920
or the next woman to come into your life. And there will be, trust me, who says, I don't need
00:56:09.820
a B and C. I got A, I got what I want right here in front of me. Stop that. I can't. As plainly as I
00:56:16.880
could say, tell her what you want, which is her as plainly as you can. I want you. I want to be
00:56:25.860
serious with you. I want to be exclusive with you. And if you want to do that, I'm willing to be in
00:56:31.940
this. And when I say in all in, but here's what I require. I need to know that I'm yours. Like I'm
00:56:39.260
the guy. I need to know that you're not talking with other men, especially your ex. I need to also
00:56:44.700
know that you're not conflicted. If she can't answer those in the affirmative. Yeah. The only
00:56:50.760
other option is to just deal with it. And then you'll be messaging us, you know, in a year and
00:56:54.640
saying, I'm still hung up on this woman and she's dating somebody else and I can't get over. And
00:56:58.880
that's the only option from here. So what? And think what's best for her. You and I, we both have
00:57:05.240
daughters. Your daughter comes to you and says, Hey dad, you know, I'm not all in on this guy, but this
00:57:11.100
guy's killing it is really great. Should we get more serious? You would be like, honey, you don't
00:57:17.560
marry someone that you're not fully committed and engaged with that. You're excited. 100%. If there's
00:57:24.460
a doubt in your mind, you shouldn't be with him. That's no different with her. That's what's ideal
00:57:30.040
for her, right? What's best for this woman is not to be with you unless she's all in because who wants
00:57:38.720
to live a life in a relationship where they're not all in. So ideally that's what's good for you,
00:57:45.060
but it's also what's good for her. So you might as well throw her some advice and say, Hey, and by the
00:57:49.600
way, whether it's him or me, my recommendation, you need to be all in with whoever you're going to be
00:57:56.580
with. Otherwise you're not going to show up powerfully in that relationship. So in essence,
00:58:02.280
when we expect that from people, it's what's better for them as well. Not just for us.
00:58:09.980
Well, so yeah, well, that's that. That's that's the empathetic response. So I wrote a couple of
00:58:14.540
things down here. I heard a quote one time. It says, if you ever find yourself in love with two
00:58:18.880
people, always choose the second, because if you were in love with the first, you never would have
00:58:23.120
fell in love with the second. Yeah. If you love two women, like choose the second one,
00:58:31.040
because the first one wasn't it, which is why you started looking for a second one.
00:58:35.320
And then by the way, that's not an excuse to go out there and just get into divorce willy nilly
00:58:39.820
and break it off on a commitment. So I'm not saying that. So let's, let's, let's put that in there.
00:58:45.120
Yeah. Here's another thing from a more practical approach. The more you play her shenanigans,
00:58:51.520
her games, and I'm not, I'm not even saying she's being malicious, by the way.
00:58:56.760
Yeah. But the more you get involved in these games, this is, this is what this is going to
00:59:01.740
become. Trust me. Yeah. The more desperate and repulsive you become, you become, yeah.
00:59:08.540
She's going to lose her anyways. For you. Yeah. You'll lose her anyways, because you'll be
00:59:12.000
chasing around. You're like, Oh, no, come back. Don't go to dinner with him. Come to do with me.
00:59:15.880
And she'll lose respect for, and you'll lose her anyways. Yeah. What you said earlier,
00:59:21.520
everybody that listened thought the same thing I said, when you said, Hey, I want you and I'm not
00:59:27.420
a choice. Respect just skyrocketed. When you show up that way, that, that makes it super clear in
00:59:35.340
regards to what kind of man of value you are and how you see yourself and how you show up in the
00:59:39.460
world. This is a tough one, man. Cause I know so many guys are dealing. I know so many guys are
00:59:44.540
dealing with this right now. We could just pull that out and that could be a podcast itself, but I'm
00:59:49.980
telling you, this is the way like, this is, this is the answer. All right. One quick question from
00:59:55.280
Bob Ross. Quick questions. Very quick. How do you deal with fear? How do you deal with fear, sir?
01:00:00.920
You just do it. Just do it. Good. I was watching a movie. Meet the Millers or were the Millers or
01:00:09.040
something. I can't remember. I caught some of it at hunt camp. We were kind of all bored and sitting
01:00:12.420
around and found a movie and he was, I don't even know the premise of the movie. Cause I didn't catch
01:00:17.080
all of it, but the guy who was talking to his son or his fake son, I don't really know.
01:00:21.360
And the, the son was crushing on this girl and he was going to try to kiss her, but he kind of bailed
01:00:27.660
and he was scared. And the guy said, the dad figure said, you know what I do when I'm scared?
01:00:32.820
I just count to three and then I do it. Because if you wait longer, then you'll get in your head and
01:00:37.960
you'll start thinking of excuses and you'll justify and rationalize your way out of it. And then you
01:00:41.400
won't do it. The longer you wait, the less likely it is that you'll do it. Yeah. So how do you
01:00:46.740
overcome fear? You just overcome it. The answer is in the question. You just do it. You stop thinking
01:00:53.340
about it. People that ask these questions are overthinkers. You're thinking too much about it.
01:00:59.120
Now, look, you might come to the conclusion very quickly that jumping off that cliff is not a good
01:01:03.400
idea. Then that's the response. Like, don't do that. But if it's something else and you're like,
01:01:11.920
I should do this. I, yeah, I really, I want to approach this woman or, you know, I want to ask
01:01:16.720
for that promotion or I want to start this business. I want to go to the gym. One, two, three,
01:01:25.040
go. And what you'll notice is the fear doesn't go away. There's still, still things that I'm afraid
01:01:30.860
of Kip. The fear doesn't go away. You're just like, Oh, I'm, I'm capable of dealing with this.
01:01:36.100
So it becomes less relevant. It's still there. It's just less relevant. Cause I remember the
01:01:40.820
first time I went to the gym after being out of the gym, I was in horrible, horrible shape,
01:01:45.400
maybe for a decade, maybe a little less. And I went to the gym. I still have the picture. I look
01:01:50.560
horrible. And I was afraid. I was like, Oh man, I don't know. Like I'm out of shape. What are people
01:01:55.140
going to think of me? Do you know what? I went and I don't look like that guy anymore.
01:01:58.520
And I'm so grateful that it was like a one, two, three, go. It's all you need. You're not
01:02:03.660
performing brain surgery. I don't think what you're doing is not going to be probably some sort
01:02:10.480
of catastrophic thing in nature or cripple you financially. Just, just acknowledge that the
01:02:16.100
fear doesn't go away. That's actually one thing people think sometimes too, is like, Oh, if only I
01:02:20.580
didn't have this fear. If only I was like that guy, like I has fear too. It's just courageous.
01:02:24.880
Yeah. And that's what you need courage, not the absence of fear, but just exhibiting a little bit
01:02:29.460
more courage in the face of fear. Yeah. No, the thing I'd add is maybe it's, maybe it's opposite
01:02:35.480
advice and maybe not good advice. Cause now I think about it's, it's kind of in the thought of thinking,
01:02:41.300
but should you do it should be the first question, not what will happen. And I think that's where we
01:02:48.340
jump, we get wrong. We go, Oh, go to the gym. What will happen? What's the by-product? What's the
01:02:52.160
results? No. The question is, should I have that conversation? Should I do this? Yes or no?
01:02:59.880
And if the answer is yes, then identify how you can do it effectively and then execute. Right. But
01:03:07.560
if you really think about most of the things that we stop ourselves from doing, it's because we jumped
01:03:11.600
to the conclusion and we have all these assumptions of what's going to happen. It's like, well, no,
01:03:15.420
just ask your question. Should it be done? Yes or no. And if the answer is yes, then do.
01:03:19.340
I really like that. I, I would just change the phrase a little bit. Yeah. And maybe this gives
01:03:27.540
the guys a different context to look at it. Should I do it is really good. Another one is,
01:03:31.840
is this right? Yeah. I like that. Well, I don't know because you know, you know, you know,
01:03:39.660
if there's a woman, let me get a guy in the iron council that's asking me, he's like, Hey,
01:03:43.500
I'm interested in this woman. And maybe it was on a Friday fill notes or ask me anything. And he's like,
01:03:47.940
Hey, I, you know, I've got this woman I'm interested in. And you know, we, we, we,
01:03:51.800
I only see her in a professional setting, but I want to approach her. Is, is it the right thing
01:03:55.040
to approach her? Of course it's the right thing. Why do you think she's there? Of course it's right.
01:04:00.760
You know, it's right. She might know it's right.
01:04:04.020
You're just assuming all the things that are going to happen if you do. And then you're making it
01:04:10.660
And by the way, if she's like, no, I'm not interested. At least you can walk away with
01:04:14.060
bigger balls than you had before. So of course it was the right thing to do.
01:04:18.120
Yeah. If you've got this idea and this business idea, like, I don't know if I should. Yes. You
01:04:23.740
know, it's right. You know, you've been thinking about it for a decade. You know, it's the right
01:04:27.360
thing to do. You just got to figure out to your point. And a second ago, Kip, you just got to
01:04:31.980
figure out how to do it effectively, but you know, it's the right thing to do. That's already been
01:04:37.540
established. So go on that alone. Yeah. I like it. All right. We have a couple of things,
01:04:44.300
a couple of things to call out here. Iron Council membership or enrollment happens on the 15th of
01:04:51.780
this month. Literally you have a couple of days until that opens up. So go to orderofman.com
01:04:58.240
slash iron council. That is to join us for starting in 2024. So don't delay. Once again,
01:05:07.300
enrollment, orderofman.com slash iron council to join us there starting in the new year. And of
01:05:13.700
course, as always, you can follow us on Facebook, join our Facebook group at facebook.com slash group
01:05:19.440
slash order of man. Ryan, you mentioned last week orders probably from the store that store.orderofman.com
01:05:27.640
need to be in ASAP to get those by Christmas. You're, uh, you're kind of riding the fence at this
01:05:34.500
point. So, um, maybe give it an attempt. You're walking a thin line right now because I've got
01:05:40.680
orders. I've been hunting. This is a family operation guys. Like, yeah, you're already
01:05:45.280
probably backed up right now. When I'm going, it'll be done today. We'll be caught up on orders,
01:05:49.740
but if you don't get it in the next two or three days, you're probably not getting it before Christmas.
01:05:53.040
You might. I'll see what I can do. I make no promises. Excellent. And then do you have copies of
01:05:59.660
sovereignty, signed copies of sovereignty in this store? Signed copies of the paperback edition.
01:06:05.160
Uh, we don't have the, uh, hardcover copy. Also somebody asked a question about when will the book
01:06:11.160
be translated? So check this out. I just got this in the mail a couple of weeks ago. So I don't even
01:06:17.360
know. I don't even know what language. So maybe somebody can help you understand. No, because they
01:06:23.240
just sent it to me. I'm like, what language is a Spanish? Is this Portuguese? I don't know. So here it is.
01:06:28.820
So you guys, listen, listen, tell me what it is. I'm going to butcher this manifesto de
01:06:33.460
masculinity. That's the book. It's been translated. I don't know what language it is. Maybe one of you
01:06:48.980
guys can tell me what language it is. All right. So leave those comments. If you're on Facebook,
01:06:52.700
tell us in the Facebook comments or ping Ryan on X or Twitter at Ryan Mickler, let him know what
01:07:00.940
language that book is. I butchered it. Hopefully you can actually tell what language that actually
01:07:05.960
is. That is the worst case. It was a single white version of me attempting this language.
01:07:13.700
There you go. That's awesome. All right, guys. I appreciate the questions. I know we're a little
01:07:20.500
fired up today. Hopefully we gave you some things to chew on and consider. Even if we're fired up,
01:07:25.220
it's not at you. Hopefully we're calling you up. That's what we want. So if we come across as
01:07:30.420
aggressive, it's because we care and we want you to win and we want you to succeed. And we know,
01:07:36.140
I know at least, I don't want to speak for you, Kit, but I know what has worked and I know what
01:07:39.620
hasn't. And I'm willing to share both. And I can see it. I can see it when you guys are about to step
01:07:45.460
into a hornet's nest because I stepped into the same one three weeks ago. That's the only
01:07:52.360
qualification I have here. And I'm saying, hey, watch out for that. So I hope it helps. All right,
01:07:58.300
guys, we'll be back next week or this Friday, I should say, until they go out there, take action
01:08:05.040
Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your
01:08:09.460
life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.