Order of Man - How to Overcome Fear, Identifying Deeply-Seeded Non-Negotiables, and How to Receive Compliments ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.940 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.320 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.020 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.540 you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up man? So good to see you. Sounds like you're a little

00:00:26.900 under the weather today. Yep. Was it Barry White? I don't know. Barry White? Deep, sexy voice.

00:00:36.720 Yeah. I bet Asia likes it. She's not used to that deep, manly voice, so she probably likes that.

00:00:41.800 Exactly. In fact, later today, I'm going to make a mixtape, and then on the very end of it,

00:00:45.860 I'm going to like, hey, babe, you know I love you, you know, with a little background noise.

00:00:51.220 I know you make my nose. Don't pretend you don't. I didn't pretend anything. I was just

00:00:56.560 smiling because I'm thinking, man, those are the days. Mixtapes for our women.

00:01:01.380 Yeah. Dude, I was good at the mixtape. Put on like a little, and this is before we knew R. Kelly

00:01:08.200 was like a pervert, so like half the mixtape was kind of R. Kelly, boys to men, some good R&B, 0.92

00:01:15.080 totally inappropriate, very sexual music. It was good times. 0.98

00:01:19.440 I didn't know what Barry White sang, so I'm like, does he sing the Let's Get It On song?

00:01:25.080 But that's Marvin Gaye, so that's way off.

00:01:28.380 That's way better, actually. Let's go with Marvin Gaye. 0.73

00:01:31.340 There you go. I'm not very musically inclined, so anything musically related,

00:01:38.000 I will have no idea what you're talking about.

00:01:41.060 I don't know. You're not too bad. I've seen some videos of you singing in the shower.

00:01:45.840 You saw one. One. Not some. You saw one.

00:01:50.860 I'm just saying I'm willing to take money for those people that want to see that video.

00:01:56.680 I don't even know if I have it. I'm sure you do, though. I'm sure you kept that one.

00:02:01.820 Oh, man. Well, this should be an interesting one. You're a little under the weather. I'm a little

00:02:05.760 tired. I got home late last night or early this morning, I guess, technically. My oldest son and I

00:02:12.800 went on a hunt to Minnesota, so we got back about 1 or 2 a.m., and I'm tired. But here we are. We're

00:02:21.960 doing this. We want to be here with you guys, and we had a really good hunt. My son, we had two tags

00:02:27.960 for him, a buck and a doe. We did not see a buck, unfortunately. We did see a couple of does,

00:02:35.480 and I felt so bad. Yesterday was our last sit of the hunt. It was a three-day hunt. It was our last

00:02:42.860 sit. And I thought, we saw this doe pop out, and it's a muzzleloader hunt. So they had to be fairly

00:02:50.120 close, but this doe is at 30 yards. I mean, just right there on top of us. And we're both like,

00:02:56.240 all right, this is it. And it was a little bit dark still, still shooting light, but it was a little

00:03:00.420 bit dark still, especially in our blind. And I pull up my camera because I thought this would be really

00:03:04.920 cool. I'll get this on camera for him. Yeah. I'll get this on film. I'll get a video of him

00:03:08.940 shooting this doe. And he gets all lined up and gets ready. And I hit record. And as soon as I

00:03:15.320 hit record, because it was still dark in the stand, the flash turned on and the doe just busted out of

00:03:22.780 there. Oh, that felt so horrible because we really hadn't seen much over the past three days.

00:03:29.940 And I was, I was just, I was just beating myself up. I felt horrible. I can blow my own hunt,

00:03:35.980 but if I'm going to blow somebody else's hunt, especially my son, I'm going to feel horrible

00:03:39.880 about that. So the doe bust out of there, what's that? I'm just saying, I wouldn't have thought

00:03:45.740 about it though. Right. I would have done the same exact thing. Oh yeah. I didn't think about it at all.

00:03:50.560 Yeah. The doe bust out of there. I'm like, we're not going to see another doe this hunt's over.

00:03:54.680 And we're just sitting there and chilling and sure enough, another doe steps up and same spot,

00:04:00.640 same exact spot, 35 yards. She walks right out. We saw another doe and the kind of the forest come

00:04:07.500 out, but she had a fawn with her. So we left her alone. Brecken lines up, shoots, kills her.

00:04:15.520 You know, instantly I knew she was dead front shoulder. She's done. And he's like, did you get 0.99

00:04:20.720 that on camera? I'm like, no, no, of course I didn't. I learned my lesson. Yeah. I'm not even

00:04:25.240 going to tempt that fate there. So we went and tracked it down and found it. So I'm, I'm really

00:04:31.780 excited and proud of him. First muzzleloader hunt was a success for him. We didn't get our

00:04:36.000 buck tag filled, but we did get our doe tag filled. And that's pretty cool for him to put meat in the

00:04:40.460 freezer. Cool. That's cool. Especially with a black powder, right? Black powder rifle is always kind

00:04:46.500 of like a little bit more primitive, primitive hunting. I think it's fun. A little bit. I mean,

00:04:52.200 some of these, some of these, some of them have like scopes on them. Do you guys have scopes on?

00:04:56.940 Yeah. Cause I never even, I've never even thought about that as a kid that like, I remember seeing

00:05:03.540 a scope on a muzzleloader. I'm like, what? That's weird. You know? Cause our muzzleloaders were always

00:05:08.480 just like iron sights. Yeah. I think Utah's moving back next year to iron sights. You can use a scope.

00:05:13.960 I think this year or could, I think the season's over, but Utah's moving back to iron sights or

00:05:19.040 open sights only. Um, yeah, it's, I'd never done it before. He's the only one in the family that

00:05:25.540 shot with a muzzleloader and he got it done. So props to him. Yeah. Awesome. Well, I'm glad it

00:05:32.860 worked out. I was afraid your story was like, and we saw no additional dose. I was like, Oh, that's

00:05:38.080 usually how it turns out. It just ended up working out in our favor this time, which I'm very,

00:05:42.800 very grateful. I was praying to God. I'm like, please, please let another deer walk out in front

00:05:47.900 of us. And if he misses that's on him, no longer on me. Totally. Totally. So we have some good

00:05:55.260 questions. Uh, a handful from the iron council, um, as well as our Facebook group, that's facebook.com

00:06:02.460 slash group slash order, man. Should we jump into it? Let's get it. All right. John McKenzie,

00:06:08.520 what does leading your family spiritually and in faith look like to you?

00:06:13.680 So I looked at these questions ahead of time. I typically don't, but I posted this morning for

00:06:18.660 questions and I looked at this one and I'm so tired of people in my position, lying,

00:06:25.420 like presenting themselves as something different than they are. And as I saw this question, I thought

00:06:31.300 about, Oh, you know, what are the five things you can do to lead your family and spirituality and

00:06:35.540 faith. And I was like thinking about it. I'm not good at this, man. That's the, that is the honest

00:06:42.220 truth. I wish I could tell you do X, Y, and Z. There's some things I do. I, I pray personally for,

00:06:49.460 for guidance and direction and insight. Uh, if, if an opportunity presents itself, it's a little bit

00:06:54.860 more passive than maybe it ought to be. But if an opportunity presents itself for me to talk about

00:07:00.200 a concept in either the Bible or just the spiritual concept in general, I try to take advantage of

00:07:05.480 those opportunities. Uh, we, we, we do go to church, you know, but outside of that, this is not something

00:07:10.680 I'm great at. It's really not. And I wish I could tell you, you know, do one, two and three and, and

00:07:16.100 you'll be able to lead your family spiritually. What do you have Kip? I I'm, I'm, I'm willing to be

00:07:21.220 here and learn from you. Cause I'm not, this is not a department that I'm very successful in.

00:07:25.520 Well, let me, I had this thought this morning, what come back from the gym and it really felt like

00:07:33.160 the, the black belt version of being a really good parent isn't doing the things that all of us know 1.00

00:07:40.240 we should be doing as parents. It's us willing to get past our own personal shortcomings and our own

00:07:49.360 personal problems that will affect our ability to parent our kids. Well, that's the struggle,

00:07:56.060 right? It's really easy to do all the things that, you know, love your kids and, you know,

00:08:01.300 being kind to all these things, but it's the, it's the personal battles that, that affect how we show

00:08:06.560 up as parents. That's where the difficulty of being a great parent come in. And, and this is actually

00:08:12.440 one for me as well, but it's, it, and I was going to ask you this, if you don't mind me asking,

00:08:16.640 what is it that makes this difficult? I I've, I've thought about this a lot because I consider

00:08:23.060 myself a spiritual person. And so I have to ask myself, what's my deal around showing up as a

00:08:31.780 spiritual leader or leading my family spiritually? It's kind of, it seems like a dichotomy for some

00:08:37.600 odd reason that this is important to me personally, but yet I struggle leading my family. And it's,

00:08:44.440 and it's, I've, I've digested this enough to know, and it sounds super crazy that I fail to lead my

00:08:51.900 family effectively spiritually because I've seen spiritual leading be abused and done wrong.

00:09:00.860 And so I've been so overly cautious about how I show up as a spiritual leader at my house

00:09:08.200 that I don't want to come across that way. Does that make sense? And use it as a tool and it's

00:09:15.120 super, and I know better, but it's this, it's this battle that I have. And that's my struggle.

00:09:22.140 I'm going to be really careful in the way I say this, because I don't want it to be directed at

00:09:27.660 you or anybody else. I'm so tired of hearing men say that. I hate that.

00:09:33.580 What I just said. I despise that. Like I do, man. I hear you guys. And look,

00:09:41.740 I'm not discounting what you went through. I don't know what you experienced. I'm not discounting

00:09:46.000 that. Man, somebody could have taken advantage of you. Somebody could have exploited you.

00:09:50.280 Heaven forbid somebody could have abused you physically, mentally, emotionally,

00:09:54.800 spiritually, sexually, whatever. I'm not discounting that. Guys, you know better. Like,

00:10:00.080 you know, that's not spirituality. You know that. Yeah. And so many guys are like, Oh yeah. Well,

00:10:07.280 I don't go to church anymore. Cause I had this pastor 10 years ago. He's what he's a fucking

00:10:10.620 asshole. Yeah. It's like, Oh, do you think that's what, look, I, I'm getting fired up, 1.00

00:10:17.780 but here's no, here's the rub. Here's the rub. There's a, there there's value. Well,

00:10:22.400 how's this step one is why am I not step two is acting accordingly. Right. And, and I,

00:10:33.040 what I'm hearing you say is people don't act accordingly. Like I was even listening to,

00:10:37.780 and I'll save the name, but I was listening to a really popular influencer on Instagram

00:10:43.560 and they were talking about religion. This guy goes, well, you know what? Religion is not really

00:10:48.060 for me because, you know, you know, people are really self-righteous that are religious and 0.76

00:10:53.240 blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that's his excuse. Right. And I, and I remember getting

00:10:57.060 fired up going what, hold on. So your basis of whether spirituality or religion is important in

00:11:05.360 your life is due to the surface level judgment of people being self-righteous. Right. And you just

00:11:13.380 stop there versus going, well, why are some people self-righteous and how does that differ from

00:11:19.040 religion? And is this still serve me? And then you execute anyway. Right. So I think it's important

00:11:24.180 to understand like, man, why is this a thing for me, but complete the thought and go, okay,

00:11:30.880 but I'm going to do this anyway, or I should do this anyway, or I'm going to move beyond that.

00:11:35.160 And I'm going to understand and use that understanding as a catalyst to do what's effective.

00:11:42.060 Yeah. Yeah. I, I agree with that. And, and I just, I get fired up. I get a little passionate

00:11:47.460 about this one because look, I, I, we talk about sovereignty and I think when we do that,

00:11:53.120 we're relinquishing our sovereignty and, and it's kind of an interesting word to use in the concept,

00:11:59.380 in the context of, of faith, because we actually are voluntarily giving up our personal sovereignty

00:12:05.860 over to God's authority, his sovereignty. So it's kind of an interesting word choice. Yeah.

00:12:10.240 But when you choose to falsely attribute something that's on you. Yeah. And that's what it's a false

00:12:21.700 attribution. I wrote down here, it's the wrong diagnosis. So guys will say, well, I'm not

00:12:28.320 spiritual because I swore earlier. I'm trying not to swear, but I get fired up and I do sometimes,

00:12:32.660 but Hey, I'm not spiritual. Cause by pastor, you know, he, he was a child molester comes out.

00:12:37.080 He's a child molester. I'm not condoning that by any means, but that's the wrong diagnosis.

00:12:43.440 That's like going to the doctor and say, Hey, my arm hurts. And the doc is like, cool. Let's put a

00:12:46.960 cast on your leg. What, what does that have to do with anything? Yeah, totally. So we, we can regain

00:12:54.320 some of our sovereignty through our personal agency and choice. Those are the words you used. And I like

00:12:58.560 those two words that makes sense to me and also follow his will, but don't wrongly attribute

00:13:04.840 a human being's flaws. I mean, you could even say the same thing about me with what I've gone

00:13:10.280 through over the past year and a half. Like I've had guys, Oh, that's hypocritical. 0.93

00:13:14.780 Well, it's not because I believed in everything I shared with you. I just failed at times to implement

00:13:20.500 it in my own personal life. That doesn't make me hypocritical. Hypocritical is me telling you one

00:13:26.660 thing, but believing something entirely different. I don't, I believe in what I'm sharing with

00:13:30.400 you. But if you're like, well, I'm out of here. Yeah. Ryan, you know, five years ago,

00:13:34.240 you may have helped give this information that helped me save my marriage and get things back

00:13:37.320 on track. But you know, now I'm out of here. Wrong diagnosis. You propped me up on a pedestal

00:13:44.040 that I didn't belong. And some of you guys do that with your pastors. Some of you do that

00:13:47.820 with your churches. Some of you guys do that with your neighbors and you think they ought to be

00:13:51.860 different. I'm not going to say better, different than you are. They're not.

00:13:56.660 We're all the same. We talked about this last week, I think the natural man, a little bit

00:14:01.060 of a tangent and a little bit of a rant right there. But guys, like, I really, I really want

00:14:05.560 us to attribute correctly. What's, what's actually happening here. You know, like what is really

00:14:12.120 going on? Are you mad at that person? Or are you mad at God? Are you mad at that person

00:14:16.400 who took advantage of you or led you astray? Or are you mad at the concept of spirituality?

00:14:22.780 And I think the overwhelming majority of you would probably, if you're really looking at it

00:14:28.100 through the correct lens would say, Oh no, this was an isolated guy. This was an isolated experience.

00:14:33.720 Or you may even be, and I think there's another question later and we'll get to it.

00:14:37.240 You may even be looking at it through a clouded lens. I heard a guy say in one of the questions,

00:14:41.680 something like, why are all, you know, people, faith-based people? So judgmental,

00:14:48.160 is that accurate? Yeah. Or are they just as judgmental as everybody else on the planet?

00:14:54.340 And you had a bad experience that you're filtering your conversations when it comes to spirituality

00:15:01.280 through, and it looks different than what it actually is. I don't really know. It's just

00:15:05.620 something to consider. Yeah. I think it's a good point. Let's, let's jump to that question. Is that

00:15:10.300 okay? And then let's just address that a little bit more thoroughly. Yeah. So Rich Ford, he says,

00:15:15.220 why are religious men so condescending towards non-believers? Of course, that's a, I don't

00:15:20.580 know, overgeneralization, right? It's not an absolute statement. I've noticed this mostly

00:15:24.720 with Christians, more than a couple of men on here have looked for solutions to issues caused

00:15:30.680 to them by pastors, clergy, congregations, et cetera. I'm not an atheist. I'm not religious. I have some

00:15:38.060 faith, but I do not practice organized religion, but I do feel as some are looking to do so do unto

00:15:45.200 others as they want done unto them. Respect my beliefs and I'll respect yours. It's hard to

00:15:49.580 respect someone's faith when they use it as a base for hatred. Considering what's going on,

00:15:55.120 on the world today, everybody needs to chill, chill out with the religious extremism. So let's, 0.99

00:16:01.860 let's jump into this. And we've kind of already addressed it, but let's, let's kind of address a

00:16:05.960 little bit more maybe. Or I'll jump in. Do you want me to jump in?

00:16:10.000 No, there's so much here. There's so much to unpack. And, and, and I look, I was like thinking

00:16:17.400 about, Oh, here's this, here's this, here's this. Nobody's out to get you. Absolutely. Nobody cares

00:16:22.980 about you. That's the reality. No, nobody cares about you. You know, I have five people in my life

00:16:29.280 who care about me. And then I have maybe 10 or 20 people who care a little bit about me, but not

00:16:35.260 unwavering. And then I have a lot of people who liked what I might have to say. And if I was gone

00:16:40.840 tomorrow, they'd find another podcast in the next 24 hours and that's okay. Like it's, that's fine.

00:16:46.540 I don't think people are out to get us. And even if they are, that really doesn't serve me believing

00:16:53.580 that and living my life like that. Um, if you're comfortable with your own spirituality or your own

00:17:00.960 walk in faith, it really doesn't matter. And, and to say that a Christians are condescending 0.51

00:17:07.860 towards other people. Sure. Just like everybody else. Like I've, I've talked with, I've had so many

00:17:14.520 interactions, thousands of interactions with people. I don't know if they're Christian or not.

00:17:19.120 I just know that there's a lot of people who are condescending because they're arrogant.

00:17:23.160 I've been condescending. Is that a Christian value? Is that a Christian, is that exclusively reserved

00:17:30.140 for Christianity? No, I don't think so. And are Christians spreading hate because they don't like

00:17:35.940 something? That's where we get confused. Well, let's take trend, uh, transgenderism or homosexuality.

00:17:44.320 If a Christian says, Hey, I don't believe in those things. That's not hate. Hey, I think that's wrong.

00:17:50.440 That's not hate. And by the way, nobody actually needs to respect your religion. Well, they should 0.88

00:17:55.580 respect mine. So I'll respect theirs. I don't need to respect your stuff. Why? Why am I

00:18:00.120 obligated to respect what you believe? I don't, if it is in conflict with mine, I'm not obligated

00:18:06.980 to respect you out of some sort of misunderstanding about what right you have to my respect. Now,

00:18:14.000 I think there's a base level of respect that all humans deserve a base level. And then it can grow

00:18:18.900 from there based on our interactions and, and communication and, and, and our, and our friendship

00:18:24.120 or, or relationship. But yeah, I don't, I'm not obligated to respect your way of life and you're

00:18:30.500 not obligated to respect mine, but that isn't reserved for Christianity. Isn't reserved for

00:18:35.100 Buddhists. It isn't reserved for, for Muslims. It isn't reserved for name the religion. But when you

00:18:41.340 have something that you're really passionate about, and I will say this in all fairness, that when it comes

00:18:47.180 to Christianity, there is a doctrine that is to be followed, that is quite literally indoctrinated 0.97

00:18:55.920 into a person so that they follow it. And they believe that their path is the only path. And so

00:19:02.180 when you believe that you're on a path, that is the only path, whether it's spiritual or otherwise,

00:19:06.600 of course, everything else is going to look wrong to you. Of course. Absolutely. It's just the way of

00:19:13.340 life. And so I, I don't, again, I'm, I don't like painting myself as a victim and saying, oh,

00:19:18.860 why is it all Christians? So condescending? I don't know. I've met plenty of great Christians 1.00

00:19:23.960 who aren't, and I've met people who aren't Christians who are. I think it's more of a person

00:19:28.920 than anything else. I've, I've got some, there's people in my neighborhood who are amazing. Like I've

00:19:35.200 got this woman, she's a neighbor. When I leave, she sends me a message. Hey, I know you're out of town.

00:19:39.480 Like this last hunt that I was on with my son. I know you're at our town. I'm going to pick up

00:19:43.180 your packages off the front and put them on the back. And I pulled up my cameras and they gave

00:19:46.460 me alerts and she's putting things in the back for me. And she's, she just got done with surgery

00:19:51.620 and she's still moving packages from the front of my porch to the back of my porch. She brought up

00:19:57.120 some banana bread, which my youngest son demolished before anybody else could get some. Like, I don't

00:20:05.140 know if she's Christian or not. I don't, I assume she is because she celebrates Christmas, which is

00:20:10.480 not a Christian holiday. I know it's been mainstreamed. It doesn't matter to me. She's 0.99

00:20:17.620 a good person. And the people who aren't, just stay away from those people, Christian or not. 0.95

00:20:22.400 Yeah. Critical thinking is sometimes takes energy and it's sometimes difficult. And that's,

00:20:29.980 that's why most people just jump to judgments and conclusions. The reality of it is, is are all

00:20:37.700 religious people? No, no, of course not. Um, and most importantly, people don't go around 1.00

00:20:44.460 trying to be or disrupt your life, right? Like look at the human condition and that's all that's

00:20:50.880 required here is for us to actually like not be quick to judge and just think about why do people

00:20:56.660 do what they do? Perfect example. I've done this multiple times in the iron council. I have a goal

00:21:02.580 that says, don't use my phone from six to 9 PM when I get home. So I don't do it. It's ironic how

00:21:10.580 judgmental I get once I start doing that. Yeah. Right. I leave my phone away. And then what do I

00:21:17.560 notice? Everybody else playing with their phone. All of a sudden it's heightened awareness of how

00:21:23.680 people, what's that? I said, or dieting. That's another one. Absolutely. Absolutely. And so it's

00:21:31.940 heightened awareness because I'm on this path. And now all I know, all I noticed is all the people

00:21:37.020 not on the same path that I'm doing. And I'm so bought into how valuable that is. So what do I do?

00:21:42.740 The human condition is, Hey, man, they shouldn't do that. And, and most importantly, if I'm religious

00:21:48.560 and I believe something that serious and my faith is that strong, of course I'm bought into it.

00:21:56.000 Of course I am. And, and, and of course, I'm going to look at other people and think, man,

00:22:02.020 they should probably do this. Oh, because I hate them. No, they should probably do this because I'm

00:22:07.260 finding value in it. And I think they would find value in it as well. So the, the, the key thing here

00:22:13.240 is people, most people are judgmentals because they're being lazy, lazy with their thought process.

00:22:19.300 You don't like something that someone does critically think and figure out why are they

00:22:23.840 doing it? And most of the time it's not to offend you. It's not to cause disruption. It's they have

00:22:30.040 stories, they have struggles, they have things going on, and you might be an innocent bystander

00:22:35.520 in something that they're doing. And they don't even realize that you're quote unquote being offended.

00:22:41.220 Thus the power of stoicism, right? It's like, man, at least own the fact that you're being offended

00:22:46.480 or not and stop over to generalizing and placing judgment. There's my, there's my rant.

00:22:51.940 Well, I don't even think it's laziness. Kip, you said it's laziness. I think that's too much credit

00:22:56.420 because laziness to me is, is awareness that I'm, I should be doing something, but I deliberately

00:23:02.380 don't do it. That would be laziness. Yeah. Right. Like, oh man, I need to go to the gym.

00:23:07.320 Like you know better. And then you choose not to. That's laziness. What I, what I think it is,

00:23:12.740 is just ignorance. And ignorance is a level below that. You're not even aware.

00:23:18.140 Yeah. It's not even on your radar. Yeah. So think about this. I bet today at some point

00:23:25.080 when you're driving from point A to point B, what you're thinking about is I have to get back to work

00:23:31.100 on time. I have to go pick up this Christmas gift for my daughter. I have to get to the dentist

00:23:35.620 appointment. I have to get to my kid's soccer game. And like, that's what's on your mind.

00:23:39.740 How many people do you think you cut off on the way to any of those things? Never. Yeah. Never,

00:23:47.500 never happens. You never ignored anybody on there all the time. We cut people off. We do dumb things.

00:23:54.000 We don't use our blinker. We don't offer somebody an opportunity to emerge. Not because we hate that 0.82

00:23:58.540 person. We don't even know who that is. We don't even know they exist just because we're focused on

00:24:02.600 getting to the soccer game on time. That's it. Here's a couple of litmus tests that I would use and

00:24:08.300 that I have used personally. When I'm offended about something, which I do get offended. All of us

00:24:13.620 do. We take it personal. Our ego gets damaged or bruised. And so we take offense to it. Yeah.

00:24:20.360 Is he right? Is he right? Hey, you know, if somebody calls me an a-hole. That's a tough question.

00:24:27.560 If somebody says, Hey, Ryan, you're an a-hole. We know I'm, well, if I take a step back, like,

00:24:33.540 maybe the way I approach that, that's actually accurate. And then is it a credible source?

00:24:42.240 That's important too. Is he right? Is this a credible source? If the answer is yes to both of

00:24:47.640 those, then regardless of how you feel about it, might want to take it into consideration.

00:24:54.060 Totally. I have a business application. Quick example. We had a brand new manager join from

00:25:03.100 corporate America. And eventually I get this email, like this big story, right? This rap sheet of why

00:25:10.180 this person's dropping the ball and just this evidence sheet of just excuse and reason and

00:25:17.560 meaning without facts and, you know, whatever, whatever. And my response to him was first, I didn't

00:25:26.120 read that whole email, but I got the gist. So let's just talk. And my first question was, is, okay, so

00:25:32.660 he's dropping the ball. Yep. Okay. Do you know why? And he just pauses. Well, no. Oh, okay. Why don't

00:25:41.600 you go ask him? And then better yet, ask him why he didn't follow up or why he dropped the ball and

00:25:49.140 then see how we can help him. And let me know. Because I doubt he's sitting over there in his

00:25:54.680 little desk going, oh, you know, I just really want to piss off people and I want to do a bad job and I

00:25:59.120 don't want to win at my job. Of course he is. He wants to do good. We all want to be great at what we

00:26:04.860 do. So when we're not, and that affects other people, then go ask the effing question and say,

00:26:11.600 what's going on? How can I help you? And then help them bridge the gap of performance and figure

00:26:17.980 out what the issue is. Get the full set of data, right? Man. Well, and allow that, allow that person

00:26:24.960 to defend themselves. Yeah. Especially if it's out of character. Yeah. Kip, you show, you show up all

00:26:33.960 the time. Every, every week you show up, you know, sometimes a little late here or there, but like,

00:26:38.460 you're always here. Five minutes late today. If, if one day you didn't show up, I didn't hear from

00:26:44.540 you. Like, even if you're going to be late, you, you still message me. You're like, Hey, right. I'm

00:26:48.460 running five minutes behind last week. Cool. No problem. If one day it was nine 15, nine 20, nine 30.

00:26:54.400 You didn't, I didn't seem on the call. No text, nothing. I wouldn't be mad at you. I'd be like,

00:27:01.840 Oh, is Kip. Okay. Yeah. You'd be messaging my wife going, Hey, Kip's MIA. Something's up.

00:27:09.040 Because it's so out of character for you. Yeah. And, and so that's one thing that we should look

00:27:14.020 at is what is this guy? So there's a great book called left a bang. I can't remember the author's

00:27:17.840 name right off hand. He was on the podcast years and years ago. And he says that even in situations

00:27:23.500 that we're looking at, uh, potential threats when we're out in public or whatever it might be,

00:27:29.140 that we should just look for the baseline. The way people act at a fancy restaurant is different

00:27:32.780 than the way they might act at a, uh, allowed, you know, wrong concert. For example, if people

00:27:38.420 acted at the restaurant, like they would at the concert, that would be uncharacteristically

00:27:43.960 skeptical. I'd, I'd, I'd, I'd worry about that. Yeah. So you look at the baseline of how this person

00:27:51.460 acts or how this person behaves or what the situation calls for. And then you start looking

00:27:54.920 for abnormalities, excuse me, if I can say that abnormalities. And if you see those, then

00:28:01.760 there's something deeper than, Hey, Kip just didn't show up on time. Yeah. There's something

00:28:06.580 deeper there and we ought to figure out what it is. All right. Joshua Collins with 2024 around the

00:28:12.520 corner and the battle plan for Q1 being worked on by most of us in the iron council. I've been

00:28:18.120 thinking a lot about my vision and rewriting it with that said, several non-negotiables come to

00:28:23.240 mind, things I have to do and cannot do based upon the values of my mission or my vision. I should say,

00:28:31.020 what are several non-negotiables that you and Kip have defined for your life up to this point?

00:28:36.260 And how do you plan to implement those into Q1 of 2024? I would like to know what, is it Josh?

00:28:44.120 Joshua Collins. Yeah. Joshua. I would actually like to know what his non-negotiables are. So

00:28:50.040 Joshua, let me know. Cause I'm curious what yours are. I think that'd be helpful if we knew what

00:28:55.100 yours were. I think it'd be helpful for other people. So we could get an idea of, of how you're

00:28:58.580 proceeding. You know, for me, a big thing with the circumstances of my life right now is making

00:29:05.940 sure that my kids know that they're loved, that they have my attention and my energy and resources and

00:29:13.360 investment of time and energy into them. That's very, very important to me, especially right now

00:29:19.600 as we're dealing with and navigating uncharted territory for us. So that is a, that is a

00:29:26.540 non-negotiable. I will set everything else aside. I will set this podcast aside, the business aside,

00:29:31.600 financial stuff aside in, in exchange for ensuring that they know that I'm here and present for them.

00:29:38.860 That's a non-negotiable. I was, I was thinking a little bit about, about this. I think in a roundabout

00:29:46.680 way over the past three or four days on this hunt, like what are the things that we value? And oftentimes

00:29:53.100 when you listen to a self-help podcast or read a book, it'll have you do some sort of exercise and

00:29:59.420 you value honor and integrity and these sorts of things, which are good, but they're so cookie cutter.

00:30:05.600 I don't think there's any passion or emotion behind it. And I started thinking about what are the

00:30:09.740 things that I subconsciously value? Like not honor. We all consciously value that. Like we're aware of

00:30:16.200 that. We all value integrity. We all value a man being a man of his word, people we can rely on being

00:30:22.020 those kinds of men ourselves. But what do I subconsciously value? And one of the things that

00:30:26.460 came up to me was the idea of just trying new things. I am repulsed when I see somebody who's

00:30:35.360 unwilling to try something new, whether it's a new food or a new experience because they've never done

00:30:41.280 it before. And they're like, no, I don't want that. That's repulsive to me. And I started asking

00:30:46.500 myself over the weekend, why is that such a, like a visceral response? Somebody's like, I don't want to

00:30:52.540 try that food because I value that. And so one of my non-negotiables as we roll into 2024 is that if I

00:30:59.700 have an idea, I'm doing it. I'm in. Hell yeah, I'm in. Let's do it. Because I value, and I have for

00:31:08.400 years, but I've never consciously made that connection. And I think part of the reason that

00:31:13.260 this podcast and movement is so successful is because I've valued that for over a decade.

00:31:20.160 I never would have done this if that wasn't a deeply entrenched value of mine.

00:31:26.000 Yeah. And that was pretty enlightening. Now I'm actually really curious about what other

00:31:30.680 subconscious values that I have. And I can identify those through the way that I act

00:31:34.940 and the way that I respond both positively and negatively to people, circumstances,

00:31:41.300 the environment around me and figure out why is that the way it is. Dating, for example,

00:31:47.500 why is she so attractive to me? Yeah. Like what is it? It's not enough just to say I'm

00:31:53.720 attracted to her. I don't think that's enough. Yeah. I want to know why, why am I so attracted to

00:31:58.940 her? Like what about her? Am I seeing so much value in, and it's so entrenched into who I am

00:32:06.840 that I can't even identify what it is. You know, what about this business? What about being fit?

00:32:13.660 What about the way that I lead my children? What about the way I respond to my children

00:32:17.560 when they're upset or they're going through a difficult time? And so my non-negotiable is

00:32:22.220 really trying to be aware of where all of this stuff is coming from and then getting down to it

00:32:28.280 because I want to replicate it. If I know what I'm attracted to in her, I'm going to honor that in

00:32:34.440 her. I'm going to encourage that in her. I'm going to try to be that myself. If I see that in a way I

00:32:40.560 approach a business, I'm going to do that more in my business. Hopefully it will produce more

00:32:44.440 success. If I see that with my children, we're going to have deeper and more meaningful conversations.

00:32:49.940 These are becoming non-negotiables for me. That's a really fun way to get to your

00:32:54.680 non-negotiables. The things that kind of drive you that like subconsciously when, when I think about it,

00:33:01.420 it's authenticity. I know that's such a loaded word sometimes, but for me, if I have the slightest

00:33:10.080 inclination that when I meet someone, they're not being themselves, like they're putting it on the

00:33:16.080 front or they're overly concerned about what I think or what other people, I'm immediately turned

00:33:20.600 off. I can't stand it. And I think I have a special power to know when that shows up. Like sometimes

00:33:27.520 my wife would be like, oh, aren't they so great? I'm like, nope, don't like them. Why? I'm like,

00:33:32.700 no, they're all show. It was all about trying to look good and the audience are looking bad. They

00:33:37.920 weren't themselves. And I just, for whatever reason, I can't, I can't stand it. On the flip

00:33:45.360 side of that, ironically enough, to use your example, that's really important to me. It's really

00:33:52.500 important to me that whatever I'm doing, whether it's this podcast or whether it's stuff I do at

00:33:58.380 work, that it's rooted in a pure intent, that I don't lose sight of what I'm doing, that, that it's

00:34:05.920 about something. It's, it has to be something greater than looking good and seeking the approval

00:34:12.700 of other people. And, and it is still a battle. Like I have to like, hold on, check, Kip, like check

00:34:18.920 your ego here. Why are you nervous right now? Oh, I'm nervous because I'm concerned about what

00:34:24.540 Ryan might think, or I'm concerned about these. And I have to go, no, no, that's not what this is

00:34:28.240 about. And I have to re center myself in regards to what I'm doing. And that's a non-negotiable for

00:34:36.060 me. I don't ever want to be in a position, whether it's work or in a religious position or anything else

00:34:44.840 and have me doing it for the wrong reason. That is really, really important to me because that's

00:34:50.840 where my fire comes from. If that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. We're talking about

00:34:57.720 non-negotiables on a different level. Cause usually what we'd say is read 10 pages, go to the gym,

00:35:03.100 eat clean, go to the gym. Those are good, but you should do those things. Of course.

00:35:07.420 Yeah. One of the things is you were talking about this Kip that came to mind for me is doing things 0.99

00:35:11.620 the right way. That is a non-negotiable for me. I will, if I'm started, if I do a project,

00:35:20.200 people around me know this, if I do a project and it's off and it doesn't look good, I'll,

00:35:24.840 I'll burn the entire project to the ground before I finish it like that. Doing it the right way is so

00:35:33.160 crucial to me. It's so important to me. And so when I show up at the gym, for example,

00:35:38.220 like I don't do bench press and just like, and just like throw up the weight, like I'm there.

00:35:46.380 I'm deliberate. I'm intentional. I'm wondering, okay, what's a better way of doing this?

00:35:51.380 I'm asking my son. Cause he, cause he's got power lifting instruction. I'm like, Hey,

00:35:55.520 what do I do with my feet? He's like, put them here. Okay. What do I do with the arch of my back?

00:35:58.620 Do this. Okay. Where's my hand supposed to be? Okay. Put them there. Like every little detail.

00:36:05.120 So yeah, I'll get stronger if I just go put more weight on the bar, but I want to do it right.

00:36:10.860 I asked people about camera equipment for this podcast. Um, you know, I've got a list of Christmas

00:36:16.340 gifts cause I want it to be important and special to that. Like everything for me is about doing it

00:36:21.060 right. That's, that's a non-negotiable for me. We talked about this a couple of weeks ago and

00:36:25.720 ironically I've held onto that podcast discussion from probably about three weeks ago where we talked

00:36:32.620 about creating life as a masterpiece. It's true, man. And, and it's not just about Ryan wants to do

00:36:40.860 it because well, because it makes him look good. It's like, no, if you're going to do it, like have

00:36:46.340 pride in it, feel good about it, right? Like do it for the right reason and be fully in that's all

00:36:52.380 part of kind of creating that masterpiece is at least is what I've taken away from our conversation

00:36:57.460 from a couple of weeks ago. And, and even now, I don't, I think, I think people appreciate it.

00:37:03.340 You know, if you show up to a presentation and you're not prepared, nobody's going to appreciate

00:37:08.220 you're not going to serve them. But if you show up adequately prepared and you've got all your

00:37:11.920 materials, like how many present and you can know this of all people, how many presentations you've

00:37:17.360 shown up and the technology is not working. Yeah. It's like, why don't you do that 20 minutes ago,

00:37:22.880 bro. Now we have to spend 20 minutes looking at you fiddling around with your laptop because you

00:37:27.680 didn't have it pulled up correctly, or you didn't know how to press play on the video and your stupid 1.00

00:37:32.320 PowerPoint. That's not on me. That's not my problem. Do it right. Please do it right. If you're going to 1.00

00:37:41.260 take your wife on a date, take 20 minutes and run down to the carwash, get all the McDonald's cheese 0.99

00:37:47.920 burger wrappers and big Macs and whatever out of there, vacuum the damn car, spend $20 on having 0.99

00:37:54.820 the thing cleaned and go pick her up the way that she deserves to be picked up. Not you with your 1.00

00:38:00.440 clothes from work and just showing up in the bare minimum and sitting around and being like, show up

00:38:05.620 fully in present. Totally. Talk about an impact with really not that much effort. It's like the extra

00:38:13.120 10% that nobody else thinks about, or if they do, they're too lazy to go back to our point earlier to

00:38:19.240 do anything about it. Be the 10% guy, not the 90% guy. That's easy. 90 is easy. And I think we do that 0.94

00:38:27.460 for the, the, we have a tendency if, if the thing is not big enough, then we'll downplay its importance

00:38:33.440 and then quality dips versus no, I'm going to win at whatever is on my lap, whatever opportunities

00:38:43.060 presented before me, I'm going to win and make it a masterpiece. We have a tendency to go, Oh,

00:38:48.220 it's not until that meeting or that conference has over 500 people. Then, I mean, then it's a big

00:38:54.020 deal. Then I'll present better. But when, if it's just 20 people, then, you know, no big deal.

00:38:59.180 Yeah. What I would say to that is if it's not a big deal to you, then don't do it.

00:39:05.700 Yeah. Yeah. If having 10 guys on the call is not a big deal, it's not important to you. Then just

00:39:11.260 don't do it. Yeah. Otherwise, why are you there? Go spend your time doing something else. That's fine.

00:39:16.660 No problem. I respect that. Actually don't show up, not ready to be all in. Yeah. Good call.

00:39:25.140 All right. Next question. Justin Bolden, when working hard towards a goal or standard in life

00:39:34.100 and then falling short of that goal because of your own inability to follow through,

00:39:38.480 what changes need to be made in order to get yourself and your mindset back on track towards

00:39:43.960 the task at hand? I'm trying my best to stay on the path of following through with my self-made

00:39:49.200 commitments, but I sometimes falter and come up short. I know the answer can be simple as do what

00:39:55.240 you'll say you're going to do, but how do you both individually deal with scenarios when you come

00:40:00.280 up short? Non-negotiables. I am a man who can be relied upon. If I tell you I'm going to take out the

00:40:07.980 trash, I'm going to take out the trash. If I tell you I'm going to be there at seven o'clock,

00:40:13.120 I'm going to be there at six 59. It's a non-negotiable. It's in my DNA. You cannot

00:40:20.020 extrapolate that from who I am anymore. And I haven't always been that way in, in not in the

00:40:24.960 not too distant past. I haven't been that way, but that's what I value. And if your value,

00:40:33.180 your sense of value and pride and honor is derived from being a man who completes and follows through

00:40:38.780 and the things he says he's going to do, this is a non-issue, even if you don't want to do it.

00:40:44.140 And there's been plenty of things I don't want to do. I'm working on a little project

00:40:47.040 for Christmas right now for one of my boys. I don't want to do it. I'm tired of it,

00:40:51.360 but it's December 11th. I got two weeks. So guess what I'm going to be doing today?

00:40:59.180 Because that's a non-negotiable. There's no question of like, Oh, I don't feel like it. Maybe I'll do it

00:41:04.640 later. Maybe no, no, I'm going to do it right now. So I think once you adopt that sort of mentality,

00:41:12.200 the rest of it starts to fall into place. And please know that you're not abnormal.

00:41:18.880 You're not different than anybody else than Kib, you or me, or any other high achiever that you

00:41:24.700 might know or listen to on a podcast or read their book. They don't have it figured out there. They just

00:41:30.100 have something they're striving towards. And that aspirational element of their life makes them

00:41:36.700 continue to press on when they don't feel like doing it. So yeah, I know it's trite. And I know

00:41:41.760 just saying, just do it is it's not great advice. But I think if we get deeper than that, and we really

00:41:48.460 think about what kind of man am I, you could take everything else away from me. You could take my kids

00:41:55.280 away from me, my family away from me, my finances. You could pull me out of this house. You could take the

00:41:59.780 podcast away from me. And in that moment, all my clothes, I'm bare naked. I'm standing there alone

00:42:04.680 and miserable. What kind of man am I then? Am I a wealthy man? No, because I don't have any money.

00:42:11.940 Am I a loved man? No, because I'm lonely. There's no external externality that I can

00:42:18.580 cling on to that's going to identify who I am. Now it's just me. And who am I in that moment? A guy

00:42:24.840 that shows up fully, a guy that goes all in, a guy that does it right, a guy that follows through on

00:42:29.480 his commitments. And guess what? I won't be lonely and broke for long if I do those things.

00:42:33.940 Oh, this is, this is the power of ensuring that our goals and our visions are rooted on the man we

00:42:44.060 are being and not just the circumstances and results. Results come from behaviors and behaviors

00:42:55.040 come from mindsets, right? And so who are you? What kind of man are you? Agnostic of the results,

00:43:03.660 regardless of the byproducts of our actions, what kind of man do you show up today? And what's great

00:43:10.600 about it is you can recreate it today, right? But when our goals are, I'm going to be rich or I want to

00:43:17.920 do this or whatever. It's okay. Then I'm going to delay fulfillment when, when the goal gets reached.

00:43:24.080 But when we focus on actual mindsets, I could do that today. I could be that man right now.

00:43:32.300 I could show up insanely powerful over the next two hours. If I choose to be, I don't need certain

00:43:39.960 circumstances. I don't need life to align a particular way. I don't need any of that,

00:43:45.100 regardless of what the next two hours ends up being for me. I could do it as a powerful man.

00:43:53.700 And that is a choice I can make right now, regardless. Now I'm not saying we don't have

00:43:59.600 goals and we don't work towards something, but sometimes I have a tense and, and I'm projecting

00:44:04.260 because I do this where I'll be like, Oh, well, when this happens, then I will be whatever. It's like,

00:44:11.440 F that be it now, right now in the next meeting, how you show up on the mats in this call.

00:44:19.920 When I call my mom or whatever, be that person today. And, and Justin, that's, that's how you

00:44:27.320 get back on the path because you don't need anything. You don't need circumstances. You don't

00:44:31.820 need results. You don't need anything to show up powerfully because we are focused on the man we are

00:44:37.320 being not necessarily just the results that we produce. And ironically enough, the results just

00:44:45.620 follow. Absolutely. Everything that you want, a marriage, a wealth, a business, a relationship with

00:44:54.440 your children, the body that you want, like everything that you want. That's, that's a given

00:45:01.100 when you start doing the right things. It's just a given. I don't have to focus.

00:45:05.200 They're the by-product. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Let's take one or two more kit

00:45:10.500 and we'll maybe do a little bit shorter. Yeah. Responses, short rants, shorter rants,

00:45:16.600 Reese Carter, both on a rant today, actually. Like we're both renting today. So I hope it doesn't

00:45:20.820 come across as angry. Like I'm not angry. I'm just fired up today. Yeah. You're sleep deprived.

00:45:26.540 Maybe we're both sleep deprived and this is just what happens. So left obeying the authors was Patrick

00:45:31.960 Van Horn and Jason Riley. That's the book that you mentioned earlier. Thanks for bringing that up.

00:45:37.260 Yeah. All right. Reese Carter, what's another word for the nanosphere that aligns to what we're

00:45:43.340 really doing here in the Iron Council? When I Google or look for the term on Wikipedia, I get a description

00:45:48.280 that doesn't really fit the order of man or Iron Council model. So what say you? Personally, the word

00:45:55.160 feels a little bit like woke culture. What's your thoughts? I don't know. I don't know. I don't

00:46:01.720 care. No opinion. Sovereignty. No, I mean, look, I have an opinion. I think the manosphere is generally,

00:46:10.020 I'm just speaking in generalities and I know there's not everybody in this camp, but I think is

00:46:14.340 generally a little bit bitter, a little bit angry towards society and women in general, 0.99

00:46:21.100 a little bit of victimization, a little bit of the male equivalent of third wave feminism. 1.00

00:46:28.780 A little bit of red pill in there. Yeah. I don't attribute to that. What do I attribute

00:46:36.480 what we're doing here? Nothing. This is order of man. There's nobody doing it like we're doing.

00:46:41.840 Maybe that's an arrogant statement to make, but you know what? It is what it is. I ran into a couple

00:46:46.960 of people this weekend at the airport of all places who came up to me like, Hey, are you Ryan?

00:46:51.100 And they, and I don't care about that. What I care about is they told me the results.

00:46:54.840 One guy had talked to a baggage claim last night. He's like, Hey man, I just lost 80 pounds this year

00:46:59.260 so far. That's not a victim. Yeah. That's somebody who looked in the mirror and he was like, dang,

00:47:06.040 I don't look good. I need to do something about this. And then he talked about him and his daughter,

00:47:10.380 his, I think if I remember correctly, his 14 or 13 year old daughter, she's getting fit. She's going to

00:47:15.460 the gym with him. They're lifting weights together. He she's seeing his transformation right before his eyes,

00:47:19.580 right before her eyes. Excuse me. Is that manosphere? I don't, I don't care what you call

00:47:24.460 it. What I care about is that's a dad. That's a husband. That's a leader. Call it whatever you

00:47:29.180 want. Yeah. It goes back to the Christianity thing. Call it whatever you want. Just be a good person.

00:47:34.100 You want to call it Christianity. Cool. I believe in God. Like I know there's going to be people who

00:47:38.480 don't like that because they, they think there's just one way to do it. And maybe there is,

00:47:43.440 I don't know. We'll find out at some point, but just be a good human being. Manosphere. I don't

00:47:48.480 know. Just be a better dad than you are, than you were yesterday. And, and I like, I don't know who

00:47:53.580 said it, but I did look at this question. I like sovereignty because that's what we preach is like

00:47:59.580 being a man who's physically fit, who's financially capable, who's got capabilities and skill sets to

00:48:04.700 be marketable, who leads his family. Well, who leads his family in righteousness, who has those

00:48:09.740 non-negotiables, all the things that we've been talking about for the past hour is an individual

00:48:13.340 who's sovereign. And, and I, I like that. I like sovereignty. I mean, we, we really coined the

00:48:20.000 term. You'll hear a lot of people, even guys like Jordan Peterson talk about sovereignty, but they

00:48:23.620 weren't talking about it until we started talking about it until that book came out in 2015, 2016,

00:48:30.040 somewhere in there. And, and that's, that's what we're all about here is making sovereign men.

00:48:34.800 Who said that, by the way, I think that's the, I think that's the, the appropriate answer.

00:48:38.240 Um, do you want me to look it up? I can look it up. Sorry. I wasn't impressed.

00:48:43.560 We're all just going to stare at you awkwardly. Yeah. Let me just, uh, I'll pull it up while we,

00:48:47.560 while you address the second question, Brian Neiman, when it comes to compliments, I feel very

00:48:53.380 uncomfortable when I, when I received them because I tend to think that's how it should be done.

00:48:59.760 I grew up on a farm and compliments were not a thing. It was a great, get it done and move on to the

00:49:05.580 type atmosphere. Do you think it's a disrespectful not to respond back with a thank you? Or even though

00:49:12.180 they know I don't like the compliment. Is there a way to know that you answered this? I started your

00:49:17.780 podcast late and I'm currently listening from 2019. Hell yeah. All right. Uh, I think I used this term

00:49:25.300 earlier. It's a misattribution of value. Yeah. If I come to you and I say, Hey, Kip, thank you.

00:49:32.340 And you say, Oh, that's how it should be done. You don't understand what value is.

00:49:36.920 Yeah. You don't get it. And it's an insult to you. You went on your way to say, thank you.

00:49:40.780 And I'm like, whatever. We'll get to that in a minute. Let's just talk about the

00:49:44.460 misattribution of value. You, what you're saying is you, what you believe is more valuable than what I

00:49:50.400 believe. That's what you're saying. When I say, Hey, Kip, you did a good job on this podcast.

00:49:56.040 You're like, no, no, no, no, no. You're saying that your identification or your metric of value

00:50:00.620 is more important than mine. Yeah. But guess who gets to determine what's valuable in my life?

00:50:06.780 You know, my kids know my business partners. No, there's only one person, me. I get to decide

00:50:15.880 what I value. And so if I tell you, Hey, Kip, man, you were on it today. Good job. Way to go. That

00:50:22.900 was, that was amazing. All I'm doing is saying that was valuable to me. And all you have to do is say,

00:50:27.940 thank you. I'm glad you found it valuable. That's it. Yeah. Not like, Oh no, no, no. No, whatever.

00:50:37.300 You're saying that you're, you're more important than what they're doing, what they're saying.

00:50:41.320 And you're not. And then to get to your point a minute ago about, about, uh, you're not valuing

00:50:48.880 or honoring what they say. That's right. Like if I gave you a physical gift, imagine this Christmas

00:50:53.020 gifts. I'm like, Hey Kip, I've been thinking about you this year and I got you this brand new gi and

00:50:56.860 I thought you would like it. And here you go. And I gave this to you. And you're like, no, I don't

00:51:00.480 like this. I'm not going to ever wear this. Thanks though. You would never do. You might do it.

00:51:05.580 Absolutely not. No, I'm so serious about it, but no, you would never do that. But when it comes to compliments,

00:51:11.100 we do it all the time. Oh, stop. No, just say, thank you. You don't even have to believe it's

00:51:17.840 true. It's that's not what it's about. It's just about honoring what they're giving to you. They're

00:51:22.280 giving a gift and let them give it to you because that, that provides value in their life. And you're

00:51:28.040 the catalyst for that. So even if you don't believe it, a simple, thank you. I'm really glad

00:51:33.620 that that was valuable or thank you. That means a lot to me that you saw that. Thank you. Um, that makes

00:51:40.160 me feel good. Those are all completely appropriate. Totally. I've been trying to do that. Like on

00:51:46.560 socials, like when guys reach out and stuff and they'll say things like, Oh, Hey, thanks for your

00:51:50.560 comment or response into a question. Or it was valuable back in the day. I'd like thumbs up

00:51:56.200 emoji. You know what I mean? And I'm like, no, that's not true. Right. It's like, Hey, you know,

00:52:01.460 I really appreciate that. Like that, that helps ignite the fire that what we're talking about is

00:52:07.360 valuable. So thank you. Yeah. Like be with it, you know, and sit with it a little bit. There's

00:52:13.320 nothing wrong with that. And it's nice when you do that because you know, you feel better when

00:52:18.740 somebody compliments you. Of course you do. So just embrace it. If somebody says my oldest son

00:52:24.460 the other day, cause I've been doing this weight loss thing. He said the other day, he's like, dad,

00:52:27.680 you look really good. Like you, I can already see that you leaned out quite a bit. That feels good.

00:52:32.640 Who's going to say it doesn't feel good. If they're being honest, of course it feels good.

00:52:37.460 So just say, thank you. Oh, thanks bud. Like I've been working hard. It means a lot to me that you

00:52:43.320 noticed. Thanks. That's it. Like there's, there's nothing else you need to do or say, just thank you.

00:52:50.040 And quick acknowledgement of their gift and go on about your way.

00:52:53.420 All right. Next question. Levi Brickley. This guy's getting after it here. He says over the last

00:53:00.060 year I've paid off 19,000 of credit card debt, quit drinking alcohol five months ago, lost 55 pounds

00:53:08.080 and been consistent in the gym and have taken the famous Jordan Peterson's quote, clean your room

00:53:13.300 to heart, but applied it to the house. So I feel mentally and financially, physically,

00:53:18.520 and spiritually healthier than I've ever have in my life. Awesome. Of course. Um, I met a woman 31 who

00:53:26.620 is great. Our morals and values, long-term desires align. We've been dating for two months, but have

00:53:32.960 not gotten serious. Every time we discuss it, it's been something holding her back. She brought up last

00:53:39.840 week that her ex of two years contacted her for the first time in the four months. The result of that

00:53:46.440 is she feels conflicted between him and I, I feel that my current position compared to his I'm an

00:53:52.540 obvious choice. What are some insights to how to effectively navigate the situation? Do I pursue,

00:53:58.500 do I give space or do I follow the common mentality of she doesn't see your worth, uh, the worth that

00:54:04.740 and leave her. My goal is to operate in empathy and compassion in the situation. Ultimately follow

00:54:10.740 the purpose God has just having a difficult time navigating the situation. Well, I want to address

00:54:17.500 that last thing about the ultimate purpose that God has. Number one, you don't know his plan for you.

00:54:22.620 And number two, she has agency also. So God's plan for you, even though you think it's God's plan

00:54:29.320 may not be taking into consideration her plan, which lacks empathy, which is something you said you want to

00:54:35.600 be. So I think you can leave. And I think you can be empathetic. Hey, babe, I can see how this is

00:54:45.480 hard. You've been with this guy for 10 years. You have a child with him. I'm making a few things up

00:54:50.200 here. Okay. Whatever. Yeah. But you've been with this guy. You have a kid with it. I understand this

00:54:54.260 must be a difficult decision for you. And I can see how it would be, but I'm not willing to be a choice.

00:55:00.400 If I'm a choice between me and somebody else, my choice is to go be with somebody who doesn't have 1.00

00:55:09.480 to make a choice. And so I respect where you're at. I can see where you're at. I can see that this

00:55:15.600 is hard for you, but this is not something that's going to work for me. And until I'm ready to be

00:55:22.000 your only, then I'm not interested in this. That's hard, especially with a woman that you love.

00:55:29.140 You love her, right? Of course you do. The way you're talking, you love her. That's hard, but

00:55:34.640 you know what? You're on a terror and there's a lot of women out there who I won't see will be 1.00

00:55:40.040 better than her. I don't know, but there's a lot of incredible women out there who won't make you a 1.00

00:55:47.740 choice. You're not going to be like, oh, I should take door number A, letter A, B or C. That's not,

00:55:53.800 there's no B or C. There's just you. Don't you want to be that in somebody's life? And if you're

00:55:59.800 tied up with somebody who's on a game show, selecting A, B or C, you're not freeing yourself

00:56:04.920 or the next woman to come into your life. And there will be, trust me, who says, I don't need 1.00

00:56:09.820 a B and C. I got A, I got what I want right here in front of me. Stop that. I can't. As plainly as I

00:56:16.880 could say, tell her what you want, which is her as plainly as you can. I want you. I want to be

00:56:25.860 serious with you. I want to be exclusive with you. And if you want to do that, I'm willing to be in

00:56:31.940 this. And when I say in all in, but here's what I require. I need to know that I'm yours. Like I'm

00:56:39.260 the guy. I need to know that you're not talking with other men, especially your ex. I need to also

00:56:44.700 know that you're not conflicted. If she can't answer those in the affirmative. Yeah. The only

00:56:50.760 other option is to just deal with it. And then you'll be messaging us, you know, in a year and

00:56:54.640 saying, I'm still hung up on this woman and she's dating somebody else and I can't get over. And

00:56:58.880 that's the only option from here. So what? And think what's best for her. You and I, we both have

00:57:05.240 daughters. Your daughter comes to you and says, Hey dad, you know, I'm not all in on this guy, but this

00:57:11.100 guy's killing it is really great. Should we get more serious? You would be like, honey, you don't

00:57:17.560 marry someone that you're not fully committed and engaged with that. You're excited. 100%. If there's

00:57:24.460 a doubt in your mind, you shouldn't be with him. That's no different with her. That's what's ideal

00:57:30.040 for her, right? What's best for this woman is not to be with you unless she's all in because who wants 1.00

00:57:38.720 to live a life in a relationship where they're not all in. So ideally that's what's good for you,

00:57:45.060 but it's also what's good for her. So you might as well throw her some advice and say, Hey, and by the

00:57:49.600 way, whether it's him or me, my recommendation, you need to be all in with whoever you're going to be

00:57:56.580 with. Otherwise you're not going to show up powerfully in that relationship. So in essence,

00:58:02.280 when we expect that from people, it's what's better for them as well. Not just for us.

00:58:08.640 There's your empathy.

00:58:09.980 Well, so yeah, well, that's that. That's that's the empathetic response. So I wrote a couple of

00:58:14.540 things down here. I heard a quote one time. It says, if you ever find yourself in love with two

00:58:18.880 people, always choose the second, because if you were in love with the first, you never would have

00:58:23.120 fell in love with the second. Yeah. If you love two women, like choose the second one, 0.97

00:58:31.040 because the first one wasn't it, which is why you started looking for a second one.

00:58:35.320 And then by the way, that's not an excuse to go out there and just get into divorce willy nilly

00:58:39.820 and break it off on a commitment. So I'm not saying that. So let's, let's, let's put that in there.

00:58:45.120 Yeah. Here's another thing from a more practical approach. The more you play her shenanigans,

00:58:51.520 her games, and I'm not, I'm not even saying she's being malicious, by the way.

00:58:56.760 Yeah. But the more you get involved in these games, this is, this is what this is going to

00:59:01.740 become. Trust me. Yeah. The more desperate and repulsive you become, you become, yeah.

00:59:08.540 She's going to lose her anyways. For you. Yeah. You'll lose her anyways, because you'll be 0.99

00:59:12.000 chasing around. You're like, Oh, no, come back. Don't go to dinner with him. Come to do with me.

00:59:15.880 And she'll lose respect for, and you'll lose her anyways. Yeah. What you said earlier,

00:59:21.520 everybody that listened thought the same thing I said, when you said, Hey, I want you and I'm not

00:59:27.420 a choice. Respect just skyrocketed. When you show up that way, that, that makes it super clear in

00:59:35.340 regards to what kind of man of value you are and how you see yourself and how you show up in the

00:59:39.460 world. This is a tough one, man. Cause I know so many guys are dealing. I know so many guys are

00:59:44.540 dealing with this right now. We could just pull that out and that could be a podcast itself, but I'm

00:59:49.980 telling you, this is the way like, this is, this is the answer. All right. One quick question from

00:59:55.280 Bob Ross. Quick questions. Very quick. How do you deal with fear? How do you deal with fear, sir?

01:00:00.920 You just do it. Just do it. Good. I was watching a movie. Meet the Millers or were the Millers or

01:00:09.040 something. I can't remember. I caught some of it at hunt camp. We were kind of all bored and sitting

01:00:12.420 around and found a movie and he was, I don't even know the premise of the movie. Cause I didn't catch

01:00:17.080 all of it, but the guy who was talking to his son or his fake son, I don't really know.

01:00:21.360 And the, the son was crushing on this girl and he was going to try to kiss her, but he kind of bailed

01:00:27.660 and he was scared. And the guy said, the dad figure said, you know what I do when I'm scared?

01:00:32.820 I just count to three and then I do it. Because if you wait longer, then you'll get in your head and

01:00:37.960 you'll start thinking of excuses and you'll justify and rationalize your way out of it. And then you

01:00:41.400 won't do it. The longer you wait, the less likely it is that you'll do it. Yeah. So how do you

01:00:46.740 overcome fear? You just overcome it. The answer is in the question. You just do it. You stop thinking

01:00:53.340 about it. People that ask these questions are overthinkers. You're thinking too much about it.

01:00:59.120 Now, look, you might come to the conclusion very quickly that jumping off that cliff is not a good

01:01:03.400 idea. Then that's the response. Like, don't do that. But if it's something else and you're like,

01:01:11.920 I should do this. I, yeah, I really, I want to approach this woman or, you know, I want to ask

01:01:16.720 for that promotion or I want to start this business. I want to go to the gym. One, two, three,

01:01:25.040 go. And what you'll notice is the fear doesn't go away. There's still, still things that I'm afraid

01:01:30.860 of Kip. The fear doesn't go away. You're just like, Oh, I'm, I'm capable of dealing with this.

01:01:36.100 So it becomes less relevant. It's still there. It's just less relevant. Cause I remember the

01:01:40.820 first time I went to the gym after being out of the gym, I was in horrible, horrible shape,

01:01:45.400 maybe for a decade, maybe a little less. And I went to the gym. I still have the picture. I look

01:01:50.560 horrible. And I was afraid. I was like, Oh man, I don't know. Like I'm out of shape. What are people

01:01:55.140 going to think of me? Do you know what? I went and I don't look like that guy anymore.

01:01:58.520 And I'm so grateful that it was like a one, two, three, go. It's all you need. You're not

01:02:03.660 performing brain surgery. I don't think what you're doing is not going to be probably some sort

01:02:10.480 of catastrophic thing in nature or cripple you financially. Just, just acknowledge that the

01:02:16.100 fear doesn't go away. That's actually one thing people think sometimes too, is like, Oh, if only I

01:02:20.580 didn't have this fear. If only I was like that guy, like I has fear too. It's just courageous.

01:02:24.880 Yeah. And that's what you need courage, not the absence of fear, but just exhibiting a little bit

01:02:29.460 more courage in the face of fear. Yeah. No, the thing I'd add is maybe it's, maybe it's opposite

01:02:35.480 advice and maybe not good advice. Cause now I think about it's, it's kind of in the thought of thinking,

01:02:41.300 but should you do it should be the first question, not what will happen. And I think that's where we

01:02:48.340 jump, we get wrong. We go, Oh, go to the gym. What will happen? What's the by-product? What's the

01:02:52.160 results? No. The question is, should I have that conversation? Should I do this? Yes or no?

01:02:59.880 And if the answer is yes, then identify how you can do it effectively and then execute. Right. But

01:03:07.560 if you really think about most of the things that we stop ourselves from doing, it's because we jumped

01:03:11.600 to the conclusion and we have all these assumptions of what's going to happen. It's like, well, no,

01:03:15.420 just ask your question. Should it be done? Yes or no. And if the answer is yes, then do.

01:03:19.340 I really like that. I, I would just change the phrase a little bit. Yeah. And maybe this gives

01:03:27.540 the guys a different context to look at it. Should I do it is really good. Another one is,

01:03:31.840 is this right? Yeah. I like that. Well, I don't know because you know, you know, you know,

01:03:39.660 if there's a woman, let me get a guy in the iron council that's asking me, he's like, Hey,

01:03:43.500 I'm interested in this woman. And maybe it was on a Friday fill notes or ask me anything. And he's like,

01:03:47.940 Hey, I, you know, I've got this woman I'm interested in. And you know, we, we, we,

01:03:51.800 I only see her in a professional setting, but I want to approach her. Is, is it the right thing

01:03:55.040 to approach her? Of course it's the right thing. Why do you think she's there? Of course it's right.

01:04:00.760 You know, it's right. She might know it's right.

01:04:04.020 You're just assuming all the things that are going to happen if you do. And then you're making it

01:04:08.060 question whether it's the right thing or not.

01:04:10.660 And by the way, if she's like, no, I'm not interested. At least you can walk away with

01:04:14.060 bigger balls than you had before. So of course it was the right thing to do. 0.97

01:04:18.120 Yeah. If you've got this idea and this business idea, like, I don't know if I should. Yes. You

01:04:23.740 know, it's right. You know, you've been thinking about it for a decade. You know, it's the right

01:04:27.360 thing to do. You just got to figure out to your point. And a second ago, Kip, you just got to

01:04:31.980 figure out how to do it effectively, but you know, it's the right thing to do. That's already been

01:04:37.540 established. So go on that alone. Yeah. I like it. All right. We have a couple of things,

01:04:44.300 a couple of things to call out here. Iron Council membership or enrollment happens on the 15th of

01:04:51.780 this month. Literally you have a couple of days until that opens up. So go to orderofman.com

01:04:58.240 slash iron council. That is to join us for starting in 2024. So don't delay. Once again,

01:05:07.300 enrollment, orderofman.com slash iron council to join us there starting in the new year. And of

01:05:13.700 course, as always, you can follow us on Facebook, join our Facebook group at facebook.com slash group

01:05:19.440 slash order of man. Ryan, you mentioned last week orders probably from the store that store.orderofman.com

01:05:27.640 need to be in ASAP to get those by Christmas. You're, uh, you're kind of riding the fence at this

01:05:34.500 point. So, um, maybe give it an attempt. You're walking a thin line right now because I've got

01:05:40.680 orders. I've been hunting. This is a family operation guys. Like, yeah, you're already

01:05:45.280 probably backed up right now. When I'm going, it'll be done today. We'll be caught up on orders,

01:05:49.740 but if you don't get it in the next two or three days, you're probably not getting it before Christmas.

01:05:53.040 You might. I'll see what I can do. I make no promises. Excellent. And then do you have copies of

01:05:59.660 sovereignty, signed copies of sovereignty in this store? Signed copies of the paperback edition.

01:06:05.160 Uh, we don't have the, uh, hardcover copy. Also somebody asked a question about when will the book

01:06:11.160 be translated? So check this out. I just got this in the mail a couple of weeks ago. So I don't even

01:06:17.360 know. I don't even know what language. So maybe somebody can help you understand. No, because they

01:06:23.240 just sent it to me. I'm like, what language is a Spanish? Is this Portuguese? I don't know. So here it is.

01:06:28.820 So you guys, listen, listen, tell me what it is. I'm going to butcher this manifesto de

01:06:33.460 masculinity. That's the book. It's been translated. I don't know what language it is. Maybe one of you

01:06:48.980 guys can tell me what language it is. All right. So leave those comments. If you're on Facebook,

01:06:52.700 tell us in the Facebook comments or ping Ryan on X or Twitter at Ryan Mickler, let him know what

01:07:00.940 language that book is. I butchered it. Hopefully you can actually tell what language that actually 1.00

01:07:05.960 is. That is the worst case. It was a single white version of me attempting this language. 1.00

01:07:13.700 There you go. That's awesome. All right, guys. I appreciate the questions. I know we're a little

01:07:20.500 fired up today. Hopefully we gave you some things to chew on and consider. Even if we're fired up,

01:07:25.220 it's not at you. Hopefully we're calling you up. That's what we want. So if we come across as

01:07:30.420 aggressive, it's because we care and we want you to win and we want you to succeed. And we know,

01:07:36.140 I know at least, I don't want to speak for you, Kit, but I know what has worked and I know what

01:07:39.620 hasn't. And I'm willing to share both. And I can see it. I can see it when you guys are about to step

01:07:45.460 into a hornet's nest because I stepped into the same one three weeks ago. That's the only

01:07:52.360 qualification I have here. And I'm saying, hey, watch out for that. So I hope it helps. All right,

01:07:58.300 guys, we'll be back next week or this Friday, I should say, until they go out there, take action

01:08:03.220 and become a man you are meant to be.

01:08:05.040 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your

01:08:09.460 life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - December 13, 2023

How to Overcome Fear, Identifying Deeply-Seeded Non-Negotiables, and How to Receive Compliments ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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