Order of Man - October 17, 2025


How to Reclaim Masculinity in a Feminized Culture ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

Topics
reclaiming masculinity reclaim masculinity
Hosted by
Ryan Michler
Mentioned
Meritocracy Calm Steven Pinker
Lead with Curiosity, Don't Make People Part of Your Checklist, and Exceed Your People's Expectations ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING DR. STEVEN PINKER ｜ How Common Knowledge Hurts and Helps Us

Episode Stats


Length

28 minutes

Words per minute

155.6

Word count

4,450

Sentence count

338

Harmful content

Misogyny

35

sentences flagged

Toxicity

13

sentences flagged

Hate speech

38

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Men and Women are not the enemies towards each other, we are complementary, and it ought to be that way. We live in an overly feminized culture, and we have lost the thread of masculinity. We have abandoned our responsibility as men, and given it over to the women in our lives.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 men and women are not the enemies towards each other, we're complementary, and it ought to be
00:00:03.880 that way. We're different. The American Psychological Association, and they said that
00:00:08.420 the characteristics that we generally consider to be manly or masculine are inherently toxic,
00:00:14.200 such as dominance, competitiveness, stoicism, aggression, etc. It's not the characteristic
00:00:19.080 that makes it inherently toxic, it's the way that you use it.
00:00:22.280 Men, it's no secret that we live in an overly feminized culture. Somewhere along the way,
00:00:31.540 we lost the thread. We decided that we weren't worthy. We decided that we as men and our inherent
00:00:39.140 traits and characteristics and abilities were somehow inherently toxic, and that we were the
00:00:46.480 problem collectively. I don't think any man listening to this believes it, but I think collectively it's
00:00:52.220 safe to assume that we have abdicated our responsibility as men, and we have given it over
00:00:59.040 to the women in our lives. Now, one thing I will be certain about saying is I do not believe that 0.97
00:01:05.360 women are incapable of all things. I don't believe that they are inferior. I don't believe that they 1.00
00:01:12.740 are incapable of helping us lead in their own ways. But when we transfer our responsibility to women 1.00
00:01:21.600 exclusively, we create all sorts of problems. We're running that in society today. We're dealing with
00:01:29.420 all sorts of issues with violence, with suicide, with criminality, with depression, anxiety, and
00:01:38.980 isolation. We see crime rates on the rise. We see drug use on the rise. Women are beating us at every 1.00
00:01:48.480 metric that you could possibly imagine. And I'm not here to say that we are or should be adversarial
00:01:56.060 towards women. I think there's obviously, I hope it's obvious that there's a point in women and men 0.94
00:02:03.160 bonding together, pairing together, working together, because we as men inherently possess some
00:02:11.580 characteristics that women. That's the reality. I know that isn't a safe thing to say in today's
00:02:19.640 environment, but it's the reality. We are better at some things than women. And conversely, women are 1.00
00:02:26.580 better at some things than us. But we've been conditioned to believe that we, in order to be
00:02:36.480 better, need to act more like women. I would say the opposite is actually true, that you need to act 1.00
00:02:42.860 more like a man in order to fulfill your duties, your responsibilities, your obligations in what it
00:02:50.540 means to lead, to protect, to provide, and preside. So today I'm going to break down five things that we
00:02:57.140 need to embrace. Five rules, five mantras, five ideas, ideologies, whatever you want to call them,
00:03:03.940 that we as men probably have forgotten over the past 30 to 40 years and things that we could embrace,
00:03:10.020 not only to help ourselves be more fulfilled, to lead better lives, but to ultimately help not only
00:03:18.880 the people that we care about, but also the women that we love and that we're here to serve, help them
00:03:24.440 make a better life for themselves. So how do you reclaim your masculinity and the masculinity of our
00:03:30.820 posterity in a feminized culture? Number one is that we just need to flat out reject and be repulsed by 0.97
00:03:38.520 the idea that men and women are the same. Now, I don't think we're as different drastically as people
00:03:46.380 would make us believe, but I do believe that there are nuanced differences between the way that men and
00:03:52.480 women show up. Now, obviously, physically, I don't even need to address the issue. It's sad I would 0.99
00:03:58.700 even need to say that in the year that we're in, but obviously, men physically are bigger, stronger,
00:04:08.740 we're faster. We possess different biological differences that I'm not really going to get
00:04:16.780 into here, but we know there's a physical difference between men and women. Women are smaller. 1.00
00:04:23.220 um, they're generally weaker. Uh, they, their bone density is different. Their propensity for violence
00:04:32.660 and aggression and dominance and competitiveness is not nearly to the degree that it is for men.
00:04:42.220 Why do I need to explain this? I don't know, but I feel compelled to because there's so many people
00:04:47.240 who are confused or at least they're probably not confused. They're probably just playing stupid. 1.00
00:04:51.200 That is a, uh, a modern day tactic. Just play stupid, play dumb, play ignorant. These people 1.00
00:04:57.120 aren't as dumb as they make themselves sound, but there is biological differences between men and 0.99
00:05:03.720 women. I'm not talking about that because that goes without saying, but I'm talking about the way 1.00
00:05:08.940 that we show up, our propensity for violence, um, our propensity for protectiveness, our propensity
00:05:15.940 for dominance and territorialism, um, our propensity to compete and dominate and win. Those aren't
00:05:24.480 inherently wrong. You know, there was a study that was done years ago by the American, I say study,
00:05:30.880 it's, it's loose. I'm using that term very liberally by the American psychological association.
00:05:36.520 And they said that the characteristics that we generally consider to be manly or masculine are
00:05:43.340 inherently toxic, such as dominance, competitiveness, stoicism, aggression, et cetera.
00:05:50.140 To tell a person that it's inherently toxic to be competitive, more men and women in this country 0.98
00:05:58.840 have been saved from a medical perspective. People are living longer. People are making more money.
00:06:04.860 People are living a better quality of life. People are able to pursue their dreams and their interests
00:06:11.000 and desires precisely because of those things, not antithetical to them. Our desire to compete
00:06:18.820 on a level playing field. I will say that, but our desire to compete is what's created these
00:06:24.460 technological advancements that you who are complaining about the quote unquote patriarchy,
00:06:32.300 uh, that the reason you have the luxury of doing that is because men have gone out and they've
00:06:38.260 competed and they've been territorial and they've been dominant and they've been aggressive for
00:06:44.420 productive outcomes. It's not the characteristic that makes it inherently toxic. It's the way that
00:06:49.820 you use it. So if I were to take my propensity for violence, let's say relative to a woman, and I saw 0.99
00:06:59.840 an attractive woman walking down the road and I decided to use my propensity for violence to assault 1.00
00:07:08.060 her sexually. I think all of us, I hope all of us would agree that that would be an improper use of
00:07:16.380 my propensity for violence. Now let's say that I saw this same relatively attractive woman in a
00:07:24.780 compromising situation. Maybe she was in physical danger. Uh, maybe she was being assaulted or attacked 0.99
00:07:33.120 by somebody else. And I used my propensity for violence to save her. I think all of us would attest to
00:07:41.320 the idea and the fact that that would be a righteous use of my propensity for violence. See, it isn't the
00:07:50.200 violence in and of itself. It's the application of it. And we need to realize that men and women aren't 0.70
00:07:55.320 the same. Women have some amazing characteristics. They're lovely. They're beautiful. They're nurturing. 1.00
00:07:59.640 They're kind. They're empathetic. Um, I, the, the woman in my life, she is, she's an amazing, she's an
00:08:05.960 amazing woman and she's got an amazing heart. And I don't always understand her when she has this level 0.94
00:08:11.100 of empathy for other people that I don't get. I don't, I don't resonate with that. I don't feel the same
00:08:16.080 way, but it's not wrong. And I think if she were on this podcast, she would say, you know, even though
00:08:22.100 I might have a little bit more, what society would say, coldness, um, and, and indifference to what
00:08:32.140 people are dealing with. I don't have that, but that's what people would probably say. And she would
00:08:36.300 say, well, it's not that it's, it's the masculine virtues that we, we possess as men, men and women are
00:08:43.400 not the enemies towards each other. We're complimentary and it ought to be that way. We're
00:08:47.100 different, no different in worth, but we're different in application. Number two, guys, do not
00:08:53.160 take advice from women about masculinity or manliness. Now I will give this caveat. A woman can explain 1.00
00:09:02.620 biological phenomenon. So a woman can explain to me that the reason that I might be experiencing 1.00
00:09:12.060 this heightened degree of aggression or dominance or propensity for violence or competitiveness is
00:09:19.120 because of the hormones, specifically testosterone to the degrees that I are, are coursing through my
00:09:25.220 veins. Now a woman can explain that to me. She could say, Hey, your testosterone rates are elevated 1.00
00:09:29.700 relative to the average woman. And that could be true. And I could take that to heart. But when she 0.71
00:09:37.500 begins to say, well, you know, you feel this way or you are this way, uh, or, you know, the reason why
00:09:45.760 you're experiencing this and here's what you ought to do, or here's what I think you should do.
00:09:50.920 That's where it gets cut off because there's no woman who can explain to me the feelings that I'm 1.00
00:09:57.240 experiencing as a man, the same way that I cannot experience or tell a woman what she's feeling.
00:10:05.940 You know, there's this concept of quote unquote mansplaining, you know, a mansplaining is a man
00:10:13.380 telling a woman things that she ought to know or should know. Well, what about woman splaining? 0.98
00:10:20.100 You, you can't tell me as a man, what it's like to face our frustrations. You cannot tell me as a
00:10:32.520 woman what it's like to deal with my propensity for violence or my aggression or my frustration or my
00:10:40.100 anger, or even at some points, my rage. How are you going to tell me how to deal with that? You're not
00:10:45.220 a man the same way with all due respect that I'm not a woman. How could I ever tell a woman, you know, 0.98
00:10:53.340 here's the one that you hear all the time. Calm down. Now that's a swear word, right? From men to
00:10:59.500 women. That's a swear word. Calm down. Oh, you're being so dramatic. You're being so emotional.
00:11:06.580 These are things that men will say and women get rightly upset when you say that because we don't
00:11:12.720 know what it's like to be as emotional as women. We don't know what it's like to what we interpret.
00:11:20.760 And I'm not saying this is the case, but we don't know what it's like to be as erratic as a woman might 1.00
00:11:25.180 be. How could I know that? I don't understand that. I don't think it's wrong. It's right. It just
00:11:33.120 comes down to the application of it. So why would I accept that a woman can tell me just don't be so 1.00
00:11:39.440 angry. Oh, don't be so cold. Don't be so heartless. You don't know.
00:11:47.840 What you see, you might interpret as heartlessness. You might interpret as coldness,
00:11:56.780 but it's not. I sent a text to my son. My phone's over there. I sent a text to my son,
00:12:04.580 my oldest son. And it was a meme. And it was a meme. And on the top, it said, hey, dad, am I
00:12:11.100 adopted? And on the bottom, it said, of course, you're not adopted. Why would I ever choose you?
00:12:17.600 And it's a joke. All right. It's a joke. And I sent it to my oldest son. And I said, hey, bud,
00:12:23.060 love you. And I sent him this meme. And he sent a little crying, then a little laughing emoji. And he
00:12:29.440 said, I love you too, dad. A woman won't understand that. She'll say, oh, that was rude. That was mean. 0.96
00:12:36.440 Like, how could you ever even imply that your son was adopted? Because my son knows that he's not
00:12:42.100 adopted. And he knows that I'm not giving him a hard time. He knows that through that poking and
00:12:47.740 that prodding, and a little bit of dark humor, that I actually love him. That's how men communicate.
00:12:56.000 You know, when I tell a friend, like, stop being gay. I don't actually think he's a homosexual. 0.90
00:13:02.900 I'm just, I'm using that as a term. When I'm, when I tell him to stop being weak, or stop being a 0.79
00:13:11.000 loser, or stop being so emotional, women will say, oh, have some more empathy. You don't know what 0.99
00:13:17.820 it's like to be a man. Don't tell me what it's like to be a man. Man, guys, surround yourself with
00:13:24.340 other men who can poke and prod and, and mock and belittle and tease and joke with other men,
00:13:31.540 because this is how we test our resolve in minor ways. If somebody, if, if a man in my
00:13:37.960 orbit can't deal with a little ridicule, a little mocking, I don't want that guy in my life because 0.95
00:13:45.320 I know when shit hits the fan, he's not going to be somebody that I can, that I can rely on. 0.99
00:13:51.440 And yet a woman will say, oh, I would never do that. You shouldn't when you're talking with other 1.00
00:13:56.460 women, but the men be men, let the women be women. Number three, I have a lot of single mothers who 1.00
00:14:04.120 listen to this podcast and God bless you. My mom was a single mother for most of my life as I was
00:14:11.600 growing up and God bless her truly. She did the best that she could, could do as a single mother,
00:14:18.760 as a woman trying to raise a young man to be a man. And she always had enough insight where she thought
00:14:25.580 to herself, I can't do this on my own. There's no permanent father figure in this boy's life.
00:14:31.360 And so I need to get him involved in sports and other programs that he could be around other good
00:14:36.280 and righteous men. And ladies, I'm telling you right now, if you're raising boys and you're on your own,
00:14:42.560 you need, please hear me. We love you. We care about you. We want you to win. You're,
00:14:49.240 you're important to us as, as, as women, but you cannot turn a boy into a man. You can't, 1.00
00:14:56.900 you're, you're incapable of it. The same way I cannot help a young woman, my daughter in particular,
00:15:03.560 become a, a woman, a lady. I can't do it. I can teach her elements of what it means to be a human,
00:15:12.120 but I don't know what it's like to go, to have your period. I don't know what's, what it's like
00:15:17.380 to go through menopause on the later ends of, of, of your years. Like, I don't know what those
00:15:22.900 things are like. And you as women don't understand what it's like for an 11, 12, 13 year old boy to 1.00
00:15:30.180 go through puberty as a young man. You don't, you don't know what it's like to have the testosterone
00:15:35.100 pumping through your veins. You don't know what it's like to feel the rage that we do as boys.
00:15:40.380 You don't know what it's like to feel the lust and the sexual desire that it, that we have as,
00:15:46.200 as young boys. How, how could you know? But you know who does another man.
00:15:53.920 And we need to make sure that our young men are involved with other men, righteous men in sports,
00:16:01.240 in church, in community activities, in the walls of our home. And if those boys aren't getting
00:16:09.920 the masculine influence, then they're not going to be able to live up to their 0.77
00:16:16.600 potential as men. They're going to be
00:16:21.580 inferior women. The same way as if I tried to raise my daughter without female presence in her life, 1.00
00:16:31.140 she would just be an inferior man. I don't want her to be an inferior man. I want her to be 0.69
00:16:37.020 the best woman she can possibly be. And I have a limit on what I can teach her. And you as a single
00:16:43.980 mother, I hope want your boys to be the best men they can possibly be. And there's a limit to what
00:16:50.420 you can teach them. Get them around other people. And by the way, guys also get involved, get involved
00:16:56.960 in your communities, coach, lead, guide, instruct other men, teach them how to harness what is going
00:17:03.400 on because they're confused. And if they're confused and they're turning to women, they're not getting
00:17:09.300 the entire story. Number four, read the room. All right, guys, read the room. Being a hard A
00:17:18.800 exclusively all the time is not the way. It's really not. Now, there may be some reasons why you would
00:17:27.460 think that. Maybe you're compensating for their lack of resolve and resilience and toughness. But
00:17:37.540 being a dick all the time, that does not equate to manliness. I believe that a man can harness his 0.99
00:17:46.300 natural propensity for violence and aggression and dominance and stoicism for productive outcomes.
00:17:52.380 And when I hear people say, well, I have the zero F mentality, you know, if they don't like it,
00:17:57.400 then that's on them. I'm trying to lead. I'm trying to lead people. And if I can't read the room and
00:18:05.700 decide that maybe this guy needs a kick in the pants, but maybe he actually just needs me to put
00:18:10.140 my arm around him. And as I get older, 44 years old now, I realized that I don't have to be a hard A
00:18:17.920 all the time that sometimes it's appropriate for me to put my arm around one of my boys and say,
00:18:22.360 hey, I love you, son. It's going to be okay. Sorry, you're dealing with what you're dealing with.
00:18:28.500 Or if one of my boys comes to me and is upset about love lost or fights lost or
00:18:37.160 sacrifices made and they're emotional and they're teary eyed and they're frustrated that I can just
00:18:44.920 give one of my sons a hug and say, Hey, I understand, man. I get what it's like to be down.
00:18:53.920 I get what it's like to be frustrated. And you know what? You can, you can be this way and also
00:18:58.780 get back on the bike and also get back in the fight and also get back in the arena and also make
00:19:07.120 better decisions moving forward. You know, where women rally behind each other, around each other, 1.00
00:19:14.200 and they talk and they commune and they relate. Men are directional.
00:19:25.080 When your young child who is learning to ride his bike or her bike without their training wheels
00:19:32.820 and you push them off for the first time and they go about 10 yards, 20 yards, and then they fall.
00:19:38.520 Mom rushes over and she says, Oh my gosh, like, are you okay? And she wipes the little gravel out of
00:19:46.040 your daughter's knee and, and she, you know, kisses her boo-boo and she blows on it literally. And then
00:19:51.680 she brings her inside and she washes her knee off under cold water and she puts an ice pack on it. And then
00:19:59.080 she finds a bluey bandaid to put on it. That's not wrong. As men, it seems silly, but it's not wrong.
00:20:08.580 She should be doing that. And then when we go in and we say, all right, that's enough. And you grab
00:20:13.560 your daughter from out of the sink because that's where her boo-boo was being washed out. And you grab
00:20:18.240 her and you put her in your arms or you put it on your shoulders and you say, all right, bud,
00:20:21.200 time to get back on the bike. That's not wrong either. And your wife will say, just let her be. 0.99
00:20:29.560 Nope. You had your time. Now it's my time and neither are wrong. Both are beautiful. Both serve a
00:20:37.100 purpose. Read the room. Your job is to yes, be supportive and encouraging and challenging and even
00:20:45.840 push, but let women do what they need to do and then be the man and be capable of knowing the 1.00
00:20:54.400 difference between what your children need at any given point. Does your, does your boy need his mom?
00:20:59.960 Sometimes. Yeah, actually. Yeah. Does your son need to cuddle with your wife? Yeah. Sometimes he does.
00:21:09.920 And sometimes he needs to get his ass off the couch and get back to work. And you're man enough 0.98
00:21:18.660 that you can acknowledge the difference and acknowledge the power in both. All right. Last
00:21:23.540 one here, guys. In order to reclaim our masculinity in a feminized culture, we need to get ourselves 1.00
00:21:29.780 into positions of power. We need to embrace the meritocracy. I'm done with DEI, diversity, equity,
00:21:39.240 inclusion. Now, when I say that most people think of race, but it also relates to gender. Well,
00:21:45.120 we're going to have this many women in the workforce just because why, well, just because, but give me a 0.99
00:21:51.980 good reason. Well, I can't, we just need to have that many. Okay. That's the problem. I'm going on a
00:21:58.820 flight here tomorrow and I'm going to be traveling for the next four or five days. I'm not interested in
00:22:05.120 having a female pilot if she's not the right person for the job. I don't care if it's a woman or man. 1.00
00:22:10.680 I really don't. What I care about is that person landing me from point A to point B. If it's a woman 1.00
00:22:17.780 who can do it, great. If it's a man who can do it, great. But we need to embrace the meritocracy.
00:22:23.400 We need to embrace the idea that there are some people and even some genders who are better at certain
00:22:29.960 things than others. Military is a great example. Law enforcement is a great example. I'm not
00:22:36.760 interested in having women out in the field in the military and law enforcement, not because I don't 1.00
00:22:42.360 love them, not because I don't care about them, not because I don't believe they have any worth,
00:22:46.780 but because they are in violent situations with hardened individuals who want to hurt other people.
00:22:54.320 And I don't want a woman in that circumstance. I don't. I don't want a man, conversely, to babysit 1.00
00:23:06.540 my children. I've never had a male babysitter for my kids. I always have female babysitters for my
00:23:16.260 kids. Why? Because they are more nurturing. They are more kind. They are more empathetic. They are more
00:23:23.500 patient. Of course, when I have young children, that's what I would, what I, what I would want women 1.00
00:23:29.020 to do. Of course, I want my children to be in nursery or kindergarten or even elementary school
00:23:39.380 with, with women. Of course I do. And of course I want men to be in law enforcement. Of course I want
00:23:49.220 men to be in the military. Why is this confusing? I don't know. But guys, we need to put ourselves in
00:24:00.360 positions of authority, positions of power. We need to embrace the meritocracy. Meritocracy is blind,
00:24:07.520 by the way, to gender, to age, to race. Meritocracy says, may the best man win. May the one who's most
00:24:19.740 qualified do it. And that's what I want. I'm not going to stay silent anymore in bringing women into 1.00
00:24:26.840 men's work. I'm not going to stay silent in bringing men into women's work. Now, I know you're going to say, 0.79
00:24:33.700 well, you know, I know some women who are way stronger than some men. You're talking about 1.00
00:24:38.400 extremes. You're taking, you're cherry picking. You're taking the strongest woman, you know, and 0.99
00:24:42.840 you're pairing him against the weakest man, you know. And I would agree that there are some women 0.98
00:24:47.540 who are physically stronger than some men. But generally speaking, that isn't how it works.
00:24:53.480 I would agree that there are some men who are more nurturing and kind and empathetic than some
00:25:00.480 women. If I cherry pick the data, of course, I can find those outliers. I'm talking about 1.00
00:25:05.660 generalities. And the best way that we can combat any of that is just may the best man win or woman.
00:25:13.820 If that woman is uniquely qualified and better in that situation than all the other candidates, 0.57
00:25:20.300 all the power to her. If that man is better in that situation than all the female candidates, 1.00
00:25:26.080 then all the power to him. Embrace the meritocracy. Get yourselves into positions of power and realize
00:25:32.780 that masculinity is not inherently toxic as the AMA would say, but that I would even argue that it's
00:25:40.640 not inherently positive. It's just how we use it. It's how we embrace our skillset as men.
00:25:49.740 And you're not wrong and you're not bad. You're not evil and you're not immoral for being a man.
00:25:54.540 It's just a matter of how you use the God-given tools, gifts, abilities, talents that we generally
00:26:00.760 possess as men. This is how we reclaim our masculinity in a feminized culture. Number one, 0.74
00:26:07.860 we reject the idea that men and women are the same. Number two, we don't take advice from women about 1.00
00:26:13.380 masculinity and manliness. Number three, we get young men around other men. Number four is we learn how to
00:26:20.700 read the room and do what's appropriate. Number five is we elevate ourselves to positions of power.
00:26:26.580 We embrace the meritocracy and we look for the best person to fill the job based on what that job requires.
00:26:34.520 I hope that gives you some insight. I know this one's not going to be popular,
00:26:38.420 but I'm willing to risk it. I'm willing to put myself out there and say, hey, this is what we need
00:26:44.140 to do because this is what the world needs of us. So I hope that helps. I hope that offers you some
00:26:49.340 insight. If you have other ideas on how we can reclaim masculinity in a feminized culture, please let
00:26:55.060 me know. But those are my steps for you. Guys, we'll be back next week for a really, really good
00:27:00.520 conversation with Dr. Steven Pinker next week. Make sure you subscribe, leave a review, and also
00:27:07.220 please go in and leave a comment and subscribe and like on YouTube. We are growing right now. We're
00:27:15.260 going to be at half a million subscribers on YouTube before too long. My goal is to get that there by the
00:27:22.700 end of the year. That's a tall order. But if you're on YouTube and you haven't followed the Order of Man
00:27:28.340 YouTube channel, then do that. We're at 350,000 people over on YouTube. I think we can get 150 if we push
00:27:35.980 hard. So please like, please share, and please subscribe on YouTube. YouTube.com slash Order of
00:27:43.180 Man. All right, guys, you've got your marching orders. Until then, go out there, take action,
00:27:47.560 reclaim masculinity in a feminized world, and become a man you are meant to be.
00:27:53.140 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life
00:27:57.760 and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.
00:28:05.980 Thank you.