Order of Man

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.160 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.720 you can call yourself a man. All right, Kip. It's good to see you again. This is our second AMA

00:00:28.400 within a couple of days. The guys don't know that because we release them, you know, every week at

00:00:32.700 a time, but getting sick of seeing you, man. Gotta be honest with you on that. Yeah. Hopefully they

00:00:38.040 don't think that we're just, you're going to start having two AMAs a week. That's not the expectation

00:00:43.240 we're trying to set here. So no, we're not. Well, no, but like I said, we're not, they're not going

00:00:47.720 to get it twice a week. They're going to get it spread out. So we just happen to be recording early

00:00:52.120 because we're trying to accommodate. Actually, that's a pretty good lesson though, Kip, is

00:00:56.320 things have to happen, right? Things move forward. Things progress. Schedules, agendas need to be met.

00:01:03.160 Expectations need to be filled. Whether you're going to be around or not around or on vacation,

00:01:08.280 or you have this excuse or that excuse, if you make a commitment to doing something,

00:01:13.220 make sure it gets done. If that means we got to record twice in one week, or you have to run solo,

00:01:18.500 or I have to run solo, or we have to bring somebody in like Sean, guys, get your commitments done.

00:01:24.840 And there's two reasons. I talked about this a couple of weeks ago. Number one is you want to

00:01:30.520 be a man of your word. That's how you garner and foster trust and credibility with other people.

00:01:35.040 And number two, you won't run your mouth so easily if you actually follow through on the

00:01:40.340 commitments you make, because all of us have committed to doing things that we don't want to

00:01:44.500 do. And then we drudge through it and hopefully we get it done. But if there's a little bit of sting,

00:01:49.600 a little bit of pain to doing something you don't want to do, that's actually good because maybe next

00:01:54.520 time you'll think twice about committing to something that you shouldn't commit to.

00:02:00.360 Yeah. I learned this lesson years ago and I, and it seemed like, so it was at the time,

00:02:05.840 it was like this major light bulb. And I thought, Whoa, by me not honoring my word and my commitments,

00:02:11.720 even when it's difficult, I hijack the opportunity to learn from saying yes to too many things.

00:02:19.240 Exactly. Only if you're a cognizant of it.

00:02:22.780 Exactly. But you shortcut it and then you'll keep shortcutting. You're like, Oh,

00:02:26.240 there's no drawback to this. There's no consequence.

00:02:29.320 Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You rob yourself of the consequence and the opportunity to learn.

00:02:34.200 Yeah. I mean, that's why these practices and activities that I know I'm personally engaged

00:02:38.920 in that you're personally engaged in, whether it's jujitsu or archery, any number of things you

00:02:43.220 could be doing. One of the benefits that we don't often talk about is immediate and instantaneous

00:02:48.140 feedback. Yeah. Well, and that's why I'm assuming that's why one of the things, I mean, you've used

00:02:54.580 this analogy in the past of like, Hey, if you're going to have to do one thing, start working out

00:02:58.960 right away. Right. I'm assuming that's why you give that recommendation. That's part of it. But the

00:03:05.940 other part of working out immediately is that you're going to experience, especially if there's a wide gap

00:03:11.360 between where you are now and where you want to be, you're going to experience instantaneous results.

00:03:16.100 For example, if you're 60, 70, 80, a hundred pounds overweight right now, you could, you could do

00:03:23.800 something for five days. Like you could commit to drinking a gallon of water, commit to getting 10,000

00:03:28.860 steps in committing to go to the gym three to five days a week and committed to cut out processed sugar.

00:03:34.720 And you would probably lose 10 pounds this week. And that instantaneous and immediate feedback might be

00:03:41.680 the fodder that you need to keep going. And this is also the reason that we do the after action review

00:03:47.420 all the time. Because a lot of guys aren't cognizant of what they're doing, why they're doing it, what

00:03:53.920 results it's producing. And so we tell you deliberately and intentionally do an after action review guys,

00:04:00.120 like go through at the end of every conversation, interaction, game, assignment, task, project,

00:04:06.500 meeting, et cetera, do an after action review and really analyze your performance. So you can figure

00:04:12.760 out and pinpoint where you need to improve, what you did very well and how you need to get better

00:04:17.980 moving forward. And get that immediate feedback versus, you know, oh, I've been showing up this way

00:04:24.620 to meetings for the last 10 years. And I finally realized that, you know, that I come across arrogant

00:04:30.860 or a jerk versus like, oh man, I should have just had some self-assessment, you know, over the years

00:04:36.780 to learn that on my own. It's well, we talked about it weeks ago where, you know, if you go,

00:04:42.340 if a dog pees on your carpet and you don't do anything, and then two weeks later, you just come up

00:04:47.320 and you kick the dog in the ribs. It's, it's not going to have any idea in the world why you're

00:04:52.760 upset, but that's what we do actually with our kids. I know I do. If I'm being truthful, that's

00:04:57.860 what I do with my kids. Like I get upset about something, whether it's something they did or

00:05:01.760 didn't do, or maybe it's even not related to them at all. And I take out some work frustration on my

00:05:08.860 kids because I was inadequate or incapable or unwilling to actually meet the, the, the challenge

00:05:16.300 where it was so that I didn't have to bring it home and release it on my kids or my wife or any

00:05:21.620 number of people that I really care about. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Well, and, and we're,

00:05:27.420 we're creatures of remembering our emotional state, not facts. Yeah. And, and so you could look at it

00:05:35.260 from like a marriage perspective, or at least I'm thinking about this as like, well, how many times

00:05:39.520 has my spouse did something that bothered me? I didn't say something. I hold back. I hold back.

00:05:45.940 And then eventually I'm like, okay, now I'm going to bring it up. She doesn't remember even like

00:05:50.740 what she did in that moment, you know, like I've been fostering emotional feelings, but if I had that

00:05:56.760 conversation with her in that moment, she could probably relate to, oh yeah. You know, I could

00:06:01.580 see how that came across that way because I actually, that just happened and I could actually

00:06:06.900 remember versus you bring it up stuff from like, you know, six, six months ago. Remember that one time

00:06:13.220 they're like, I don't even remember the day. I don't even know what you're talking about. Right.

00:06:17.640 So I also actually think it gets worse even than what you're just saying, because you make it bigger.

00:06:23.100 Yeah. You make it bigger than it is. So you think about you're standing on the top of a snowy Hill

00:06:27.200 and you get a little snowball started, you pack it up and you roll it down the Hill and it's pretty

00:06:32.980 manageable when you push it down, but the longer it goes and the more it rolls and the further it gets,

00:06:38.340 the more snow it picks up. And over time, it's this huge boulder of a snowball and most of what's

00:06:45.140 attached to it has nothing to do with the original snowball. You just start attaching all these other

00:06:52.040 little things that you're pissed off about, whether it's your own performance or your own inadequacies

00:06:56.660 or childhood trauma that you haven't dealt with. And then you dump the entire boulder of a snowball

00:07:03.140 on your wife when it was just, Hey, I just want you to communicate with me on, on, uh, some money

00:07:08.760 issues. Like just deal with it right there. And then you don't have to deal with it later down the

00:07:13.540 road. All right. All right. Yeah, man. What a way to kick the, uh, the podcast off. We're done.

00:07:20.260 We're done. There's nothing more that we could say that's going to be better than that guys.

00:07:24.140 All right. Well, I know a couple of weeks ago we had solicited some questions on Facebook and it

00:07:30.620 seems like we got maybe through, I don't know, 30 to 50% of them. So we're fielding the additional

00:07:35.120 questions from the Facebook group and let's get after it. Yes, sir. And that's facebook.com

00:07:41.240 slash group slash order, man. All right. Michael Cole, what specifically do you do to sharpen the

00:07:47.280 ax on a regular basis? I love how we made it went from sharpening the side of the ax, a little bit

00:07:52.660 order of man referenced there. It's way better than the saw. The ax is way better than the saw.

00:07:58.180 Yeah. I mean, look, there, there's a lot of different weight when you, it depends on which

00:08:01.880 ax you're talking about. We got to realize there's different axes, right? Like I even think about that

00:08:07.000 when it comes to chopping wood, you have your splitting ax, you have your mall, like there's

00:08:10.760 different axes that serve different purposes and there's different facets of your life. So if you're

00:08:16.120 talking about the physical fitness ax, then it might be jujitsu or just doing some strength training

00:08:21.620 through my fitness coach, Josiah Novak. If you're talking about the mental ax, then that's going to

00:08:28.200 be doing a masterclass or reading a book that happens to be the book of the month for our iron

00:08:33.560 council or a book that maybe is in anticipation and research for a guest that's coming up.

00:08:40.180 If you're talking about the spiritual ax, it's just simply reading scripture and praying and

00:08:45.340 communicating with my family and doing devotionals and all that kind of thing.

00:08:48.220 So I don't know which ax you're talking about, but there's three really good ways to do it.

00:08:54.120 Your physical ax, by the way, the physical ax actually also for me covers the mental component,

00:09:00.000 not exclusively. I'm not saying you get to absolve yourself of like reading and learning new

00:09:04.180 information, but there's also a mental benefit to it. Yeah, totally. There's another ax that I think

00:09:10.360 that we need to sharpen. And that's the creativity ax that a lot of us don't do because what we do is we

00:09:16.740 get into these ruts, right? And so the rut is, well, I wake up at six, I go train, I drink water,

00:09:23.680 I do my daily plan, I do my battle plan, I go into work, I complete, right. And there's no room for

00:09:29.660 creativity in that at all. So I believe that it's very, very important that you sharpen the creativity

00:09:35.020 ax. And the best way to do that is to find something that sounds interesting to you and just

00:09:40.160 dabble, like just delve into it a little bit. You know, you guys know, I picked up the guitar a while

00:09:45.640 back. I haven't picked up the guitar for probably four to five months. And I'm okay with that because

00:09:50.900 that was creating or flexing my creative muscle. And it was teaching me new things. I had no grand

00:09:56.620 illusions of performing in front of at your guys's dismay, all of you, you know, but it flexed the

00:10:04.200 creativity muscle. Sometimes my kids are like, hey, let's draw. And so we draw. I'm not a great artist,

00:10:10.720 but I draw, you know, and it's fun. Today, my boys said, dad, come play football with us.

00:10:16.980 And I said, okay. And so we went outside. I'm like, let's like, this is like, we're just playing

00:10:21.340 catch. Let's do something fun. So we created a game called chicken. And so me and my two oldest boys

00:10:27.240 came up with this like random stupid game and created our own rules and everything else. We also

00:10:34.040 play another game that we created called wall ball. It's with a tennis ball that we, it's just random.

00:10:38.800 We created it. No, no rhyme or reason. We just wanted to do it. And it's fun. And I think that's

00:10:44.140 important too, that we learn how to play and we flex that creative muscle just by being spontaneous

00:10:48.560 and saying yes to something we normally wouldn't say yes to and try to enjoy life to its fullest.

00:10:54.960 Yeah. I like it. I talk about, uh, the mental sharpening. This, uh, I finally trained, I trained

00:11:01.380 last saw, not saw, sorry. And, uh, man, it felt good. Just get my face smashed. It, I was, Marcus

00:11:10.580 was smashing my face and I was like, I don't know why, but it feels so good because you're

00:11:16.300 a bit of a masochist. Like I am in anybody. It's a little weird. I was like, yeah, is that

00:11:22.240 all you got anytime, man? I will do that anytime for you. You ever need any of that? It's weird.

00:11:28.600 It's weird. It's not though. Like it's actually, it's not though. It's weird that we're so docile

00:11:35.940 that we don't actually like the physicality of it. Yeah. I'm not saying it needs to be comfortable,

00:11:41.800 but it's strange to me that we're so sedated that the, the, the, the, like the, the pleasure of pain

00:11:50.600 a little bit doesn't make you feel more alive. You know, like when I come back from jujitsu and my

00:11:54.920 elbow's hurting, I'm like, that hurts. But also like, I'm proud of that pain in my elbow. Cause

00:11:59.140 it means like, I actually did something and exerted myself today, or I got a little battle

00:12:03.640 wound or something maybe on my face. And I'm like, yeah, hell yeah. I got a battle wound on my face,

00:12:08.900 you know? And that means you did something with your life. It's weird that you wouldn't want that

00:12:13.040 stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's like leg day, man. I, I, as, as miserable it is to go up and down

00:12:19.640 stairs. I like it when I'm kind of like, Oh, Oh man, my glutes. Well, I'm like, it's a good sign.

00:12:27.120 What is it? Uh, Theodore Roosevelt's quote about, I'd rather where, where I can't even,

00:12:33.700 what is it? Like, I'd rather break down and wear out or something. I don't know. I'll have to go

00:12:38.320 back. Cause I totally slaughtered that, but he's got a great quote about wearing out versus growing

00:12:44.040 old or something. You guys can create, you know what I'm talking about? Find it used up. Right. Yeah.

00:12:48.980 Yeah, exactly. You, you guys find it for us and correct me. Cause apparently you have no problem

00:12:54.620 doing that. So just go ahead and continue to continue on to continue to criticize us. You

00:13:00.640 guys are great, but I'm asking for it this time. So it's solicited. So it's all good.

00:13:06.120 Uh, Keenan Webb, what's the most important question for your girlfriend, uh, that she should answer before

00:13:13.400 you propose. This is kind of funny. Cause it's like all based on the single question.

00:13:18.980 Whether he proposes or not, but you know what I mean? Well, let's play with it and say,

00:13:22.540 you know, what, what kind of questions should you be asking and information you should know

00:13:26.880 about your girlfriend before proposing? Yeah. I mean, I would say, look, we're going to give you

00:13:31.260 the benefit of the doubt on this and, and I, and answer it in the spirit of the question. But if

00:13:35.800 you're, if you're already thinking about proposing and you're wondering what one question she should ask,

00:13:40.860 or you should ask her, you're a little behind the eight ball on that one a little bit,

00:13:46.120 but in the spirit of the question, let's answer. I would say, um, what are your long-term goals

00:13:51.840 when it comes to family? Yeah. Oh, do you want to raise a family? Do you want to be a homemaker?

00:13:58.560 Do you want to homeschool your children? How many kids do you want to have? Or do you want to pursue

00:14:03.440 a career? Do you want me to be in the workforce and you would be in the workforce? Do you want to

00:14:08.060 stay home? Do you want me to stay home? What's your thoughts on public school? Like everything

00:14:12.100 revolving around family. And by the way, guys, please let me tell you this. And you don't need

00:14:16.740 my permission, but you do need to understand this because society won't tell you this.

00:14:21.580 Any answer that you don't like could be a deal breaker. And you have to make that decision.

00:14:27.420 Cause I know what a lot of people will do is they're like, well, yeah, she said, she said she

00:14:32.020 only wants a couple of kids and she wants to go in the workforce, but I'm really looking for a wife 1.00

00:14:35.860 who wants to be a homemaker. But you know, like we can work through that. No, like that might be a

00:14:41.760 deal breaker. Yeah. And people are going to call you shallow about it. They're going to try to

00:14:46.880 criticize you and ridicule you and say you're outdated. And that's a, that's a prehistoric

00:14:52.880 way of, of looking at relationships. It doesn't matter what other people think. If that's what you

00:14:59.100 desire, then you're going to be better off finding a woman whose values align with yours, whether that's

00:15:04.600 being at home or going into the, it doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's in alignment with

00:15:08.900 yours. And only you get to decide what the deal breakers are. And so does she too, for you.

00:15:14.920 Yeah. So I would definitely ask about, about three, three primary things, family finances.

00:15:23.020 And if we were to break that down a little bit, I would say, what is your debt? Cause when I marry

00:15:28.720 you, I got to know what else am I marrying? What is your, what are your assets? What do you think

00:15:35.720 about money? How do you use money as a tool? How much money do you want to make? How do you want

00:15:41.120 to invest? Like these seem like silly questions. They're really not after being married for 17 years,

00:15:46.140 they are not silly questions and they'd be better to address up front. So you've got family,

00:15:51.300 you've got finances, and then you have faith. Faith is very, very important. If, if you guys aren't

00:15:59.840 in alignment on faith, there's going to be a lot of, a lot of rifts in the relationship. And you know,

00:16:04.840 maybe you're a Protestant and she's some other denomination of Christianity. Okay. Look, I get

00:16:10.100 it. You know, like there's some differences, but if you're a Buddhist and she's a devout Catholic,

00:16:14.520 like you're probably going to have some problems in the way that you see things in the pro and the way

00:16:19.700 that you raise your kids. So like, why add that extra baggage to the relationship? If, if you don't need

00:16:25.800 to now, as some bonus questions, politics is important. People say, well, you know, you could,

00:16:33.500 you could really, you could marry somebody who doesn't have the same politics as you. I really,

00:16:36.840 I don't think so. Especially in the polarizing age in which we live. Like, yeah, I know there's

00:16:41.920 going to be some of you who are going to reach out and say, well, you know, I'm conservative or I'm

00:16:45.000 liberal and my wife's the opposite and we make it work. And I commend you, but you know what?

00:16:49.820 There's no denying that significantly harder than somebody who is on the same political side of the aisle.

00:16:55.800 And if you're going to marry somebody who's conservative or liberal, and it's at odds with

00:16:59.740 what you believe, know that there's going to be challenges and headbutting and struggles, and

00:17:04.980 it's not going to be good. And it's only adding baggage that doesn't need to be there as part of

00:17:10.100 the relationship. Marriage is already hard. It's already hard. Like, even if you, like you got the,

00:17:16.380 the family finances, faith and politics all aligned, it's still going to be hard, right? Like,

00:17:22.500 do not add extra stuff to the plate if you don't need to.

00:17:25.660 Yeah. A couple other little pro tips here that I would suggest is really get to know your future

00:17:31.480 in-laws because the odds are, is she's wanting to marry somebody like her father and that she's

00:17:38.600 probably going to be in large part a lot like her mother. So you really need to know how her mother

00:17:46.420 and father operate. What's her family life like? What, what's their worldview? Because in large

00:17:52.140 part, and I know there's exceptions, but in large part, she has developed her culture and beliefs

00:17:57.040 and value systems from her parents. So wouldn't it be good to get to the source of things?

00:18:01.580 Now, my in-laws are great. I've never had a problem with my in-laws. The only time I have,

00:18:06.840 I will say this, the only time I've had a problem with my in-laws is when my wife and I went through

00:18:10.680 our separation. And outside of that, even during the separation, they were amicable and they would

00:18:17.320 talk to me. They would help where they could, you know, they had a, they had a weird strained part of

00:18:22.340 that too. Cause you know, they're with their daughter, of course. So I've never had to deal

00:18:26.200 with that. And I lucked out because I didn't like interview my in-laws necessarily, but going back,

00:18:32.460 looking back, yes, I would definitely do that. I would definitely do that and advocate for that

00:18:37.400 in other men. Yeah, for sure. It's interesting, right? Because I'm, I'm thinking through this and,

00:18:42.900 and how many guys might be listening to you give this advice of conversations and may ask their

00:18:51.660 girlfriend, these questions. And the answer is, well, I don't know. And, and, and then part of me

00:18:57.220 thinking you probably shouldn't be getting married or you need to answer these questions. Like we need to

00:19:05.000 be able to answer these questions and they need to think through it. Right. It's, it's just like the

00:19:09.720 analogy we use sometimes about like, you know, ask everyone in the room who wants to be a millionaire.

00:19:14.620 Everyone raises their hand. Right. And then you list out all the requirements and everyone lowers

00:19:18.700 their hands because they're like, Oh wait, I'm not willing to pay the price for that. Yeah. That's

00:19:23.460 valuable. Why? Because then you don't go running around complaining and upset about your life.

00:19:29.040 Cause you're not a millionaire. Now you can actually go, no, I don't want to be one. Right.

00:19:33.400 Because I'm not willing to do X. And, and we might be, especially, I was this way when I was younger,

00:19:38.680 not worried about these kinds of things. Right. You may be going, Oh, you know, I don't,

00:19:43.580 I don't care too much about my political viewpoints or, or I'm not worried about faith too much. Well,

00:19:49.560 guess what? Eventually you will be. And when you have kids, all of a sudden it happens to a lot of

00:19:56.060 people. All of a sudden you bring life into this world and they go, Hmm, you know, that whole eternal

00:20:02.380 perspective and religious thing kind of is more important to me now, what am I going to do? And,

00:20:08.560 and these are things that we should probably be figuring out before we go into a committed union

00:20:13.560 with another adult, just my opinion. I think it's well said. And the last thing I would reiterate

00:20:19.640 here, Kip is be receptive and open to your heart and your emotion. I think there is a time and a place

00:20:26.420 for that and be checking your gut a little bit. Yeah. I think your instinct is, is critical.

00:20:32.380 You know, how many of us will overlook red flags, uh, because we don't trust our gut,

00:20:37.600 you know, and, and maybe you can't fully explain even why on the other side of the spectrum,

00:20:43.060 why you love a woman and you don't need to fully explain it to have that feeling.

00:20:47.240 So be open with your heart and also be open with your mind and logic and reason and use both and

00:20:56.220 don't think with other parts of your body. Like, yeah, those are the parts of the body you should

00:21:00.480 be thinking of if you want long-term success with your relationship.

00:21:03.920 Totally. Yeah. And if you feel rushed, don't do it. That's, that's kind of like always,

00:21:07.620 if you feel rushed or pressured, like, nah, just wait, just wait.

00:21:11.520 And, and don't, I'm not, we're not saying, I don't think we're saying end it. I'm just saying,

00:21:14.800 okay, well, hold on. The timing's off and that's okay. Sure. It's okay.

00:21:18.060 Yeah. I was, I was, I was thinking your, uh, meet the in-laws was what you're going to say,

00:21:23.940 uh, see how, how well her mother aged determined. I mean, look, I'm, I'm not, I'm not above

00:21:31.620 saying that's not a factor. I crossed my mind when I met Asia's mom, I was like,

00:21:38.480 she almost looks like your older sister. You know, it's a done deal. Let's go ahead and get married. 1.00

00:21:42.560 I mean, my mother-in-law, she's a very classy woman. She she's, she's a beautiful woman. And 0.71

00:21:47.900 you know, like, I'm not above saying that, like all these, all these people want to run around

00:21:52.520 is important. Yeah. Well, they say, they're like, well, you know what? It doesn't matter

00:21:56.900 what's on the outside. Bullshit. Come on now. Like, I mean, yes, there's other, like not only on the

00:22:04.360 outside of what matters. Cause I know a lot of attractive women. I wouldn't want to be 1.00

00:22:08.000 in any sort of relationship with. Um, but like to say, it's not a factor is ridiculous.

00:22:15.920 So for sure, it's okay. And the way you express that, or maybe you don't, maybe you keep that to

00:22:19.860 yourself, but still, I'm not going to say it's not a factor. Yeah. And by the way, this goes,

00:22:25.300 this goes both ways. It's a factor of who you think is attractive, but also who thinks you're

00:22:31.840 attractive. So get your act together too. You shouldn't be walking around going, you know,

00:22:37.200 I'm really out of shape, but my, you know, my wife should be attracted to me because, you know, 0.97

00:22:41.060 she's committed in a relationship with me. No, actually, maybe you're not attractive.

00:22:45.380 Right. And you need to step up your game and, and take care of your health. So, yeah. All right.

00:22:51.520 We good. I think so. I think we hit that one pretty well. All right. Craig Cottrell,

00:22:57.480 given current state of our nation and its military, what would be your thoughts on your children joining up?

00:23:04.000 It's an interesting question. You know, I've spent a little time thinking about this. I think

00:23:10.340 if any one of my kids, as of right now, were to join the military, it'd probably be my oldest.

00:23:17.240 And I would be concerned. I would genuinely be concerned. I would be concerned whether we're

00:23:23.980 dealing with the woke infusion of these types of ideologies that have permeated much of, of the

00:23:30.460 higher echelons of government, including the higher echelons of military service. I'd be concerned

00:23:34.200 anyways, but this is more troublesome to me. It's more worrisome to me that we have been, that I say

00:23:41.720 we, the military has been infiltrated by a boat, a bunch of woke leftist, ideologically driven

00:23:50.420 buffoons. And it's very disheartening. You know, we're more worried about making people feel

00:23:56.520 comfortable and making sure they can pass the PT test and making sure that women and trans people

00:24:02.060 feel included when really we should be worried about the efficacy of administering righteous

00:24:07.840 violence against our enemies. Yeah. And none of this helping those people level up.

00:24:12.260 No, that's, that's actually, okay. That's actually not the, no, but I do, but that's not the mission

00:24:19.360 of the military. The mission of the military to your, to your point is to make our soldiers and our

00:24:25.800 warriors battle ready. Of course, I'll give you that, but it's not to like prop up these people to

00:24:32.660 make them feel good about who they are and special about their own inadequacies. It's to make them

00:24:37.840 battle ready. It's to make them hardened warriors capable of administering violence in the, in the

00:24:43.120 right context. Uh, and so the military has always been driven by the mission first. Well, the mission

00:24:49.460 has changed. You know, the mission now is let's be inclusive and let's, let's be the most included,

00:24:56.100 inclusive fighting force in the world. I don't give a damn about our inclusivity in the military.

00:25:02.340 What I care about is, can we defend our borders? Can we defend and protect against, uh, enemies,

00:25:09.040 both foreign and domestic? And if a woman can do that, if a trans person could do that, if a, 0.96

00:25:13.640 if somebody who's, you know, not very physical in nature can do that, I'm all on board. I just

00:25:17.680 don't think it's as capable as a hardened warrior who has the mindset and the physicality to do what

00:25:23.180 needs to be done. And what that does, and this is where my concern comes from, is it puts our warriors

00:25:28.000 at risk? Like if my son or daughter sons or daughter decides to join the military, they're at

00:25:34.540 a greater risk because they are less lethal. They're less capable as a fighting force than we

00:25:41.380 were even 10, 20, 30 years ago. And that's a danger. And that makes me very, very concerned.

00:25:46.920 So if you're listening to this and you're in the military and you're on the path to progression and

00:25:51.920 you want to, uh, advance your career and get promotions, I commend you for doing that. But remember

00:25:57.420 what I'm telling you, your job is to make the soldiers and warriors under you and under your 0.76

00:26:02.220 command, more lethal, more effective, not more diverse, not more inclusive, not more woke.

00:26:12.040 Remember your purpose, remember your mission. And we have to oust these people. We that's,

00:26:18.620 that's the only way to say it. We have to oust these individuals who don't have their heads on

00:26:23.240 straight and aren't worried about the mission of the military. So yes, very concerning that said

00:26:29.160 my son sons and my daughter can choose their path. You know, when, when that point comes,

00:26:36.340 I hope that I've trained them and educated and taught them to make good decisions. I hope I've

00:26:41.660 built up a foundation where they can draw upon for experiences. They haven't yet been part of,

00:26:47.480 and they can use those lessons to make them help, to help them make good decisions. But those are

00:26:52.140 their decisions. And I'm not totally comfortable with all the decisions I know they'll make, but

00:26:56.940 you know, those are those decisions. And I have a very short window, about two decades, uh, to make

00:27:02.040 sure that I give them everything they need to make good choices and have a good, strong, capable life.

00:27:08.060 Yeah. I love that analogy of, and we talk about it in the iron council. We talk about it with

00:27:15.400 men in our lives and identifying our mission and knowing what the mission is and working towards

00:27:22.040 it. And, and that the advice that you're giving around the military side, it just transcends

00:27:26.820 everything, right? What's the mission of the school system? Be clear on the mission. What's the

00:27:32.520 mission of parenthood? Be clear on the mission. What's the mission of the military? Be clear on those

00:27:37.380 missions and don't lose oversight of the greater purpose of what you're trying to accomplish for

00:27:42.280 the sake of pandering and, or acceptance from social groups or whatever else things might come

00:27:49.180 in way of said mission. That's right. Hey, Kip, will you give me one quick second? Maybe you can ask

00:27:55.220 the question and drive on with some comments on that. I'm alone today. My wife and my oldest are out

00:28:00.680 hunting and my kids are banging on something downstairs and they're about to get an earful. So

00:28:06.640 you ask the question, go ahead and answer it. I'll be right back. Just proceed.

00:28:10.640 Okay. All right. Sounds good. This is fun. All right. George Sykes, his question. What are your

00:28:16.920 thoughts on addiction and recovery? I've been in recovery for, uh, from codependent for almost two

00:28:23.300 years. And I'm seeing that addiction is a strange disease and that it convinces us that we are not enough

00:28:30.100 as God made us. So we need to drink, do drugs or engage in reckless behaviors. Yet the moment we

00:28:36.840 begin to do the things we were meant to do and be the people we were meant to be, everything changes

00:28:42.580 for the better. So our thoughts on addiction and recovery ultimately around that. So, you know,

00:28:50.620 Ryan uses this analogy and, and well, oh man, I was going to give you some credit before you, uh,

00:28:55.660 hop back on. So, well, you know what? I joined at just the right time. I, I actually didn't go

00:29:01.500 anywhere. I just want, it was a test to see how you would do. I'm just sitting here listening. So,

00:29:06.020 yeah. But did you hear the question though? No, I didn't hear it. No. Okay. So, I mean,

00:29:11.000 my kid was playing football in the house is what he was. I'm like, what are you doing? He's like,

00:29:15.020 I'm throwing the football, the pass back. It's this football that has this like flat front of it.

00:29:20.440 And he's throwing it against the wall and bouncing it back to him. Like, bro,

00:29:23.540 I just told you I'm on the phone. Like, he's like, oh, sorry. I'm like, you're going to get it.

00:29:29.260 All right. I didn't hear the question. So the question is really around your thoughts around

00:29:33.440 addiction and recovery. And, and, and George was just an analogy using an example of, you know,

00:29:39.000 even the addiction of being codependent or drugs and engaging in reckless behaviors and just kind

00:29:46.540 of our thoughts around it. Did you finish your thoughts though? I mean, it sounded like you were still

00:29:51.360 what I was going to say is, is you use this analogy that I've completely latched onto of

00:29:57.340 sedating yourself. And, and I think a lot of, and whether it's, let's be honest, like an addiction

00:30:05.700 is an addiction, right? And now there's like chemicals being placed and other things. And

00:30:09.940 there's probably a whole lot of dopamine management that we can talk about, but even getting started on

00:30:15.000 a path of addiction, right. Or getting started with these things that quote unquote, typically make us

00:30:20.780 addicted. It's a form of sedation. It's a form of not facing that in which we should probably face

00:30:27.400 if we want to grow in a particular way. And, and so I think when I think about addictions and

00:30:33.860 recoveries, the first thing is don't get there. And one of the best ways we get there is don't try to

00:30:38.680 sedate yourself by avoiding something, right? Like actually like work it through, be self-aware,

00:30:44.880 you know, and, and don't hide away from the thing that might potentially cause addiction. Now

00:30:51.360 that's only one analogy. I'm sure addiction start in other ways, whether it's pure pressure or other

00:30:56.640 means, and it's not just a form of sedation, but that's where I was getting started anyway.

00:31:00.820 I think you're right. I think that could be a, a method. I do get, I do not agree with individuals

00:31:09.460 when they use that as a broad sweeping generality about why people are addicted to drugs or pornography

00:31:15.380 or alcohol. Oh, what are you hiding from? Or what are you, what are you running from?

00:31:19.740 That could be a reason. Yeah. It might just be a habit and you're not running from everything,

00:31:26.240 but you're just so deep in this that you've, you've, you've hardwired your brain for dopamine

00:31:31.900 response on that particular substance or that activity. Uh, it could be hereditary, right?

00:31:39.060 We know that addiction is hereditary. Uh, my dad was an alcoholic. I, I, I learned a long time ago

00:31:45.240 that I'm an alcoholic at heart. And so I, I, I, I can't have a drink because if I have a drink,

00:31:54.200 I will have all the drinks and that's not a path. I want to go down.

00:32:00.200 How much do you drink? All of them, all of it, put it in front of me and I will drink all of it.

00:32:06.100 And so I can't have a drink because I know, I know, and I'm not running. What am I sedating

00:32:11.480 myself from? Nothing. I love my life. You know, I like, it wouldn't be a sedation method.

00:32:17.660 It would just be, there's some things that are built in and hardwired into who I am into my DNA.

00:32:23.620 And that's something that I'm going to have to be aware of and, and, and, and contend with,

00:32:28.780 you know? So that's something I need to be very cautious of and aware of. Uh, so to answer the

00:32:34.620 question though, what are your thoughts or those are my thoughts around it, but how do you deal

00:32:39.200 with it? Well, you have to know yourself. Yeah. Like, are you also an alcoholic at heart?

00:32:46.000 Are you addicted to pornography? Are you, uh, are you running from something like the pain of divorce?

00:32:51.960 That, that would be a reason to drink or to do drugs or, or to get, get into pornography. There's

00:32:57.800 like a lot of things you could do because something triggered it. And what a lot of us do is we lie

00:33:03.300 about it and that's the problem. Yeah. The problem is you're lying in reality. Yeah. Yes. And so either

00:33:10.880 you're delusional or you're ignorant or you're blatantly lying to yourself. Yeah. So the first

00:33:17.220 step, and I think alcohol and anonymous would say is like, you, you have to recognize that there's a

00:33:24.800 problem and you have to be real about what the problem is because nothing will be resolved

00:33:29.980 without you acknowledging that something's wrong. Yeah. And then what we do from there,

00:33:35.080 and I'm not going to get into the specifics because there's a lot of resources. And I would say if you

00:33:39.180 want, uh, I think the new drug.org or fight, the new drug.org is a pornography abstinence site.

00:33:47.680 Alcoholics anonymous. Uh, there's all sorts of resources there that are significantly more equipped

00:33:54.500 to give you what I'm going to tell you to do next. But part one is to recognize. And then part two is

00:33:59.400 to come up with a strategy to overcome. And that might be the seven step or 12 step. I don't even

00:34:06.820 know what it is. Seven or 12 step program, whatever it is, 12 step program. Um, having accountability

00:34:13.040 partners, having activities, you can replace it with having the systems in place to like, not have

00:34:19.040 alcohol around you rewiring habits through some of James clears stuff, atomic habits, and Charles

00:34:27.260 Duhigg, the power of habit rewiring to hang around who you're around. Sure. Yeah. So acknowledgement

00:34:34.020 process. So, so, and I, and I talk about this even in the iron council, the two things that the iron

00:34:40.800 council has that every man needs in their life. I can say this with a hundred percent certainty

00:34:45.500 is the network, other men in your corner, all in the same path, varying degrees and the framework,

00:34:53.300 the system, you gotta, you gotta have a system. And if you don't, you can't replicate results.

00:34:58.580 And I think the same holds true for trying to overcome certain addictions that, that, that

00:35:03.220 might be enticing to you or debilitating to you network frameworks. Yeah. Fight the new drug.org

00:35:11.160 for a porn addiction. Yep. One thing that I, I was speaking with a friend that, um, is a professional

00:35:19.100 in this industry around addictions and drug use. And what I thought was really interesting is he said

00:35:24.740 that you, most people, if they assess themselves, you know, what your drug of choice is, even if you're

00:35:32.680 not, like, I know my drug of choice. Cause I, I've self, I've assessed myself enough to know what drugs

00:35:41.940 I would instantly get addicted to. Right. I'm, I'm, I'm all like speed. Like I have no, like, seriously, I

00:35:50.800 think about like, if I was like a pothead, right. And I was in a weed, I don't, I don't feel good being

00:35:57.140 lazy. That doesn't do it for me. Like I would not want to like be more chill, but you know,

00:36:03.980 I watched the movie like limitless and I could think, well, hold on a second. I can get more

00:36:08.460 done. I can be, you know what I mean? Faster thinking like that has my name written all over

00:36:13.380 it. Right. And it's like, and, and, and that's part of understanding yourself and what tendencies

00:36:18.700 and what things might kind of draw you in and, you know, and being mindful and being real with

00:36:24.140 yourself about them. So I think it's a good point. I'm, I'm the opposite of you in that I would need

00:36:28.740 something to take that edge off. Cause like, I feel like I'm always turned on. My wheels are always

00:36:36.040 turning. I don't fall asleep very well at night, not because I'm not tired, but because like, I'm

00:36:41.040 like, what about this idea? And what about that idea? And then you could do this and then you could

00:36:44.200 do that. And I'm like, stop. Like I wish if I, sometimes I wish there was a little switch in my brain

00:36:49.060 where I could just like, you know, just turn off sleep mode, sleep mode, but I don't have it.

00:36:56.140 And so I wake up four or five times a night and I'm thinking about new ideas and new ways to like

00:37:02.320 grow the business. Or, um, before I go to bed, I start thinking about jujitsu and I'm running all

00:37:07.560 these like jujitsu scenarios in my head, or I'm thinking about all the emails I want to write and

00:37:11.940 people I want to have on the podcast and new shirts and hats I want to create and how I want to

00:37:16.280 take over the world. And I'm like, please shut up. I just need you to shut up for a minute.

00:37:22.540 Yeah. That's funny. See, I'm like more, more noise, more noise. I want that noise all the time.

00:37:29.260 I have plenty as it is. All right. Brian Boyd. Um, I, I have butted heads, uh, with the gentleman

00:37:36.780 in the workplace for almost 18 years. I do my best to like him, but many times I literally get ill in my

00:37:43.500 stomach just being in his presence. In my opinion and observation, he is a bad man. I think the other

00:37:50.180 people see him the same way, but the elephant in the room will not go away. I know I'm responsible

00:37:55.660 for my attitude and thoughts and actions and motives towards him. Uh, do you have any skillsets that I

00:38:02.340 may have overlooked that I can implement to push through my dislike towards him? You know, one of the

00:38:08.780 red flags that came up is, as I was hearing you say, this is you said there's times where you get

00:38:13.800 like physically ill when, yeah, when you're around him. So there was a disgusted. Yeah. And there was

00:38:20.080 a thought that came to my mind because the first thing that you said, or one of the first things was,

00:38:24.520 and I wrote it here is that you've tried to like him. Like, why do you, you don't have to like him.

00:38:32.140 You have to work with him. Yeah. Like the, the goal of going to work is not to make friends and

00:38:38.900 like people. No, you have to be amicable with people. You have to, you have to be cooperative

00:38:43.940 with people. Sure. But you don't like people because if, if your mission is I want this guy

00:38:49.380 to like me and I want to like him, then that's going to be a tall order. If on the other hand,

00:38:54.740 you change your expectation to, Hey, look, I'm not, I'm not concerned with liking him. Like we don't

00:38:59.820 have to be buddies, but I am concerned with moving the mission forward. I am concerned with the job.

00:39:04.400 I am concerned with the task or the assignment that might change the way that you approach him from

00:39:08.700 this, trying to be this friendly guy that's making you ill because you're like going against your own

00:39:14.360 instinct to, Hey, you know what? Maybe, and I don't know the scenario, so I can't give you specifics,

00:39:19.920 but maybe if you'd, instead of try to like him, you said, okay, well, like, I'm not going to like

00:39:25.020 him. You've been working with him for two decades. Like, come on now. Like, you know,

00:39:28.720 you're not going to like him. He probably doesn't like you. So, okay. So put on your big boy pants

00:39:34.200 and realize that you don't have to like everybody. We just have to worry about moving the mission

00:39:38.280 forward. Man, maybe even say that, you know, the guy you've been working with him for two decades,

00:39:41.580 say, look, Kip, look at this point, we're going to agree to like, we don't like each other.

00:39:49.080 Like, you don't, I don't like your attitude. You probably don't like mine. And there's probably

00:39:54.760 been some reasons for that over the last two decades of working together, but like, I just

00:39:58.920 want to, I want to get here. I want to do my work. Well, I want to work with you. I feel like we can

00:40:03.580 drive some, some, some initiatives forward. And what do we need to do to make that happen?

00:40:09.780 Yeah. And maybe it's just like a heart to heart with a guy.

00:40:13.980 Yeah. It allows you to deal in reality. There's something to be said for when I accept

00:40:20.280 Ryan for who Ryan is, then I can work with him versus if I'm constantly like, no, it shouldn't

00:40:29.160 be this way. He shouldn't be this way. He should be this way and not that way. And then we just,

00:40:33.940 we almost dredge it with us constantly. And whenever there's a struggle of dealing with you,

00:40:38.640 I have to bring up, well, I shouldn't have to do this. Well, guess what? You're going to.

00:40:45.020 Unless you're the boss and you can fire them.

00:40:46.780 Yeah. You know, this is so powerful, Ryan, because I, I've had this conversation with,

00:40:51.980 with a, that's actually a fam, a family member of mine a few years ago. And we're, we're talking

00:40:57.320 about another family member, which we have some riff, maybe someday if I'm drunk, I'll share the

00:41:02.260 story on the podcast, but, but not anyhow, he asked me, he says, how, how do you, how can you have a

00:41:10.920 relationship with them? And my response to him was because I choose to, because I've accepted them

00:41:18.540 exactly the way they are. And there's something powerful. I don't have to agree. I don't have to

00:41:25.280 be like, Oh, their actions are perfect. And what? No, but there's something really powerful to saying,

00:41:31.120 you know what I choose. And in a family relationship scenario, I choose to love you the way you are.

00:41:36.680 Not because you are this way, not because of that way, strictly on the idea that I choose to,

00:41:43.220 because I want to. And, and even think about our relationship with our spouses,

00:41:47.800 how real powerful that is and how much we drag on our spouses of the way they should,

00:41:53.040 or should that be constantly versus just meeting them where they are and going, you know what?

00:41:58.360 I, I choose to be fully committed to you because I choose to not predicated on, you know, well,

00:42:05.260 if she did this and the, you know, and all these other things. And it's really empowering when we,

00:42:09.420 when we approach relationships that way. I agree. I think it's a very stoic approach of just,

00:42:14.700 you know, control the controllables and let the others go. But I, I think there may be some

00:42:20.000 controllable here in that you can just have a real conversation. I mean, in 18 years,

00:42:24.480 have you actually said any of this to this guy? And I, and I'm not saying you do it to create drama

00:42:30.900 and you do have to be very careful because you don't want to create workplace drama, but I, man,

00:42:36.560 if it were me, I think I would at this point say something. And again, let me just reiterate the way,

00:42:42.660 the verbiage I might use Kip, you know, as well as I do that over the past 18 years of working

00:42:48.240 together, that we have butted heads. What do we mean? Yeah. He feels the same way.

00:42:53.660 I love you. You're like a brother to me. By the way, this guy, this guy probably asked the same

00:42:58.980 question on last week's ask me anything about you. Yeah, totally. In fact, I think he used your name.

00:43:05.660 Yeah, that's right. He said, Hey, Brian Boyd's an ass.

00:43:08.480 But I would say, you know, like, obviously Kip, we've butted heads. We don't get along.

00:43:17.240 And I would be very clear. I would, I would do it more. I think this is diffusing. I would say,

00:43:22.040 I imagine Kip, you really don't like my personality and I don't really know why that is. And you know,

00:43:28.440 if I knew maybe that would help me understand and I could attempt to communicate differently or

00:43:34.460 whatever it was, but you know, at this point, I think we can agree that we don't like each other,

00:43:39.480 but we still have to work together. So what, what can I do to help make this a better work

00:43:46.320 environment for you and for me, for both of us? Is it leave you alone and stay out of your way?

00:43:52.200 Is it be more clear in my communication? Like what, like, what can I do to help drive the mission

00:43:59.400 forward and be as amicable as possible at, at work? Yeah. I would have that conversation.

00:44:07.100 Totally. And there's so much power when you don't see eye to eye with someone and then backing it up

00:44:12.700 until you do. And what you and I could agree on what maybe this individual could agree on is the

00:44:18.860 mission, right? Right. Of, of what they're doing as a team within the organization. And if that's the

00:44:24.420 common ground, find what that common ground is, and then make that the, make that the focus of the

00:44:28.940 relationship. Just, just be very careful about pointing fingers. Yeah. Cause you, you might be

00:44:34.480 falling into a trap, creating some drama, falling into a trap and throwing yourself under the bus.

00:44:38.960 So I wouldn't go in there and be like, well, I don't like you because you don't do this. You don't

00:44:43.380 do that. And this is what's wrong. And no, just go into it. Assuming there's something wrong with you.

00:44:48.560 Like, Hey, like let, help me know what's going on so that I can maybe adjust the way that we

00:44:54.680 communicate or work together. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. All right. Let me say one other thing that I

00:45:01.900 heard one time and I think it was Benjamin Franklin and he's got us 13 virtues and everything. And

00:45:08.480 obviously a very wise, a wise man, one of the wisest, wisest men. And of course, like such a

00:45:13.040 contributor to our country, but he had this theory that if there was people that didn't like him or he

00:45:20.640 didn't like, he would go ask to borrow something from them. So they could serve him. So he would

00:45:27.640 go, he would go ask for a book. He would say, Hey Kip, you know, I know you have this, this book or

00:45:32.740 whatever, and I would like to borrow this book because I'm trying to study on this thing. And so

00:45:37.080 he would borrow a book and then he would return it within an acceptable timeframe. And he found that

00:45:43.420 this actually drew people closer together. And I don't know all the, the research behind that little

00:45:49.380 anecdote, but that's a very interesting thing is, Hey, can you lend me a book? And it changed the

00:45:55.720 dynamic he found between relationships that were strained for one reason or the other. Just an

00:45:59.960 interesting thought. Yeah. All right. Sean Spire, can you be unreligious yet follow lessons and values

00:46:09.540 from Christianity? Can we teach lessons and values from the Bible to simply be good humans, but not 0.95

00:46:16.200 because of a higher power is wanting or watching us to be? Yeah. I, of course.

00:46:26.140 That's not an ad. No, I mean, I don't know that there's even more to it. Yeah. Look, there's,

00:46:32.040 there's truth everywhere. You know, I I've read individual authors or thinkers, um, or even people

00:46:39.920 on Instagram or people who criticize what I've done. And like, I may not wholeheartedly agree

00:46:46.940 with everything about who they are and how they show up and what they say. But like in that particular

00:46:51.880 instance, I'm like, Oh, that's actually true. Well, that's an interesting point. I hadn't considered

00:46:56.000 that before. Maybe I ought to take that into consideration. And so the point I'm making is

00:47:00.380 if you can learn to compartmentalize and take what you feel will apply to your life and what you think

00:47:07.520 will enhance your life and make you a better person. And it comes from the Bible. I don't,

00:47:12.540 I don't think there's any conflict with that. Like there's, I'm not a Buddhist. I used that earlier.

00:47:17.700 I'm not a Buddhist, but I'm sure there's principles and Buddhist teachings that I would say, yeah,

00:47:21.920 that actually is a really good way to live. Stoicism is another one. A lot of Christians for, 0.98

00:47:27.300 in my experience have, have some issues with stoicism because they think it conflicts with the

00:47:31.180 sovereignty of God and their own individual responsibility. I don't, I don't personally see that,

00:47:36.020 but okay. If you think that, but you're telling me you can't extract lessons from stoicism that

00:47:41.260 maybe wouldn't, or maybe would align with Christian principles or would align with just your own

00:47:47.540 personal worldview. I think we ought to be exploring and looking for truth and lessons that are going

00:47:53.040 to serve us everywhere, whether it's from the Bible or the Quran or any number of religious context or,

00:47:59.200 or, or, or teachings like, yeah, a hundred percent. You should do that.

00:48:03.600 You know, his last, his last portion of his question says, can we teach lessons and values

00:48:08.660 from the Bible to simply be good humans? Not because a higher power is watching us,

00:48:13.580 right. Or wanting us to be. And I was thinking about that. I'm like,

00:48:17.160 we shouldn't be doing it for that reason. I don't want to be like, that's not why I do it.

00:48:21.920 Yeah, exactly. Like we shouldn't be doing it because, well, you know, yeah, exactly. Or,

00:48:25.940 well, I'll do this because I feel like it's required of me. It's like, think about your

00:48:30.080 kids. Do you want your kids to clean the room because you lay down the hammer and you're yelling 0.99

00:48:34.780 at them out of fear or whatever? Or do you want your kids to go, Hey, I see value in being orderly

00:48:41.040 and taking care of my things. And they do it because they want to. Right. Of course you'd want

00:48:45.380 the ladder. Why? Because that's sustained sustaining, right? That's going to be way more effective

00:48:50.060 because they see the value in quote unquote teachings that you've given them. So you want

00:48:55.380 buy-in and, and I would argue, I mean, I know this isn't Sean's question, but those that are

00:49:01.320 religious, you shouldn't be doing it because of like, you should be doing it because you are trying 0.90

00:49:07.080 to become a better human and you are bought into whatever it is that you're doing. You need to be

00:49:12.500 committed to it, not just a passive because it's being forced upon you in your own mind.

00:49:18.160 Well, and even still, if, if, if you're doing it for like a higher power for this outside purpose,

00:49:24.200 you can really easily finagle your way to do things that serve in your best interest if that's

00:49:29.500 your motive. So I'll give you a very small example. So it's not going to be true following

00:49:33.540 is what you're saying. Because you're going to finagle it. You're going to,

00:49:36.320 you're going to rationalize and excuse and justify your behavior. So I'll give you an example.

00:49:39.900 Um, so when we did our main event, I reached out to origin and I said, Hey, I would love you guys

00:49:48.960 to give, or, or to, to make some rash guards, some, some order man rash guards. I have the design.

00:49:54.480 I've paid for the design. I'll give it to you. You guys print them up and then, and then get them to

00:49:59.840 me. And I was fully anticipating buying these, these, uh, rash guards from origin. That was my intent.

00:50:07.800 I'm going to buy these from them. Uh, and, and Amanda, uh, Pete's Pete's wife. And she runs a

00:50:13.680 large part of the systems and the structures and organization that are origin. She messaged me.

00:50:18.280 She's like, Hey, your rash guards are ready. I'm like, great. We'll come pick them up. And so I

00:50:21.520 sent a couple of guys to go pick them up, grab them, brought them back. And I, and I was planning

00:50:26.280 on selling them at the event. That was my, my full intent. I'm going to pay them. Then I'm going to sell

00:50:32.540 them. So I text Amanda and I said, Hey, thanks for getting me these rash guards on such short notice.

00:50:36.760 They did a great job there. Um, and I said, what do I owe you? And she says, you don't owe me

00:50:42.420 anything. This rounds on us, which was very gracious of them because it's thousands of dollars

00:50:48.560 of rash guards, you know, these, these beautiful rash guards and there's a hundred of them.

00:50:54.440 And so immediately I was like, well, okay, I'm still going to sell them, but I'll sell it at a

00:50:59.280 discounted rate because they gave them to me for free. Yeah. And in my mind, I was like, well,

00:51:03.960 that's good because like, I'm still selling them. I'm still making money, but I'm getting up. I'm

00:51:07.860 giving these guys a discount. So like, but then I was like, no, that's not right. Like that's not

00:51:14.080 the origin gave them to you and you're going to profit off of that. Like, that's not the right

00:51:19.880 thing to do. Yeah. I see. And I would have got away with that. I would have, and probably nobody

00:51:25.980 would have batted an eye. Like the guys wouldn't have thought anything. They would have thought they

00:51:30.180 were getting a discount. Origin would have been probably maybe. Okay. I don't know, but like,

00:51:34.080 that's not the right thing to do. It's just not. And there's no other motive for me in that moment.

00:51:41.600 Then no, I want to do the right thing. Not for origin, not for my gut. No, but because doing

00:51:47.320 the right thing is the right thing to do. And so I gave every one of those guys, those rash guards.

00:51:53.640 Now, since I've gone back and I've bought rash guards from them that I sell, and that's the

00:51:58.140 agreement. And that's, that's a fair agreement because we're both on board and privy to that,

00:52:01.920 all of that knowledge and information, but doing the right thing is enough.

00:52:07.300 There's no other reason. Like, well, if only Bob, I'm only doing it because God sees me

00:52:12.140 or because somebody else will find out. No, you do the right thing because it's the right thing to do

00:52:18.780 period, full stop the end. And also you'll reap some karma from that, of course, but that's not the

00:52:26.720 reason to do it either. It's just to do the right thing. Yeah. And, and, and I would suggest and argue

00:52:34.880 that we know what that is a hundred percent. We know. And then what we do, just like I was trying

00:52:41.900 to do with those rash guards initially is like, well, I'm giving them a discount. No, no, just fine.

00:52:45.940 No, my, my situation's unique. And you know, it's not, it's not unique. You know, don't lie to yourself

00:52:51.800 and do the right thing. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. Not that I need, not that you needed to know that

00:52:58.300 I liked it. All right. Chase. I did need to know that actually that just made my week. So thank you

00:53:04.000 very much. Uh, what are some good strategies and tactics to deal with a bad leadership? Uh,

00:53:11.880 particularly pastors who blindly accept lies and gossip and use that as a ground to tell people to

00:53:17.940 leave their church group other than simply running away. I haven't fought tooth and nail for the last

00:53:23.760 seven years, fixing my past mistakes and sins for nothing. My family does depend on me. So a little,

00:53:29.660 little personal scenario. So if I'm interpreting this correctly, it sounds like chase, chase's pastor.

00:53:38.700 Cause I don't have this question in front of me. Chase's pastor is using lies and rumor about him

00:53:44.340 to push them out of the congregation. That's what I'm guessing. He doesn't say. Yeah. That's what I

00:53:48.820 would assume too. Like he didn't say it was him. They just, he, he blindly accepts lies and gossip,

00:53:55.500 right. To justify people leaving the group. Um, you need to call it out. Yeah. Now if I might,

00:54:03.700 it might be different in an employer situation, but in this pastor religious setting, you need to be like

00:54:10.800 very forthright. So let's do a little role play. Kip, you're my pastor. I come up to you and I I'm

00:54:18.000 going to, I'm going to assume. Yeah. Okay. Well see you later. I, I, I I'm going to assume it's

00:54:27.180 about chase. Cause that's what it kind of sounds like. So I'm going to come up to you and I'm going

00:54:30.200 to say, I'm going to Kip. I would like to talk with you about something this week. Uh, do you have

00:54:35.760 some time, you know, Tuesday evening at seven o'clock or whatever? Yeah, sure. Okay, cool. So I come in at

00:54:40.380 seven. Hey, pastor Sorenson. I wanted to talk with you about something. Um, I've had some real,

00:54:46.340 uh, problems in my life. I've, I've made some mistakes and I've had some past indiscretions.

00:54:51.900 Um, and I've done some things that I'm not really proud of. Uh, I'm just throwing things out here.

00:54:56.820 So I'm not saying this about you, chase, by the way, but I've had some, um, fidelity issues. Uh, I,

00:55:02.800 I have had some alcohol and drug abuse issues. And again, I'm not, I'm not proud of those things.

00:55:08.000 My wife and I and family are working through those together. Everybody knows about what's going on,

00:55:13.300 but I wanted to come talk with you because from my perspective, I think there's some rumors going on

00:55:20.080 within the congregation about me and how I show up. And I'm not denying that I haven't had any of

00:55:27.280 these things happen in the past, but here's what I'm doing to rectify it. And here's what I'm doing

00:55:31.980 to work on it. And I wanted to bring this to your attention because I want to hear it. I want you to

00:55:37.160 hear it directly from me rather than having to guess and assume and hear all these things through

00:55:43.120 the room and rumor mill, uh, you know, pastor, what you decide to do from here and how you decide

00:55:50.220 to move forward is in your court at this point. But I wanted to clear the air. I wanted to be

00:55:56.400 respectful of you and your congregation. And I would expect the same of me and my own personal life

00:56:02.240 and the way that I lead my family. So shake his hand, walk away. And then you guys can both make

00:56:08.260 your decisions as grown adults. Yeah. I love that. And, and I think the only, the, the thing that came

00:56:15.840 to mind that I thought you were going to say is like, how grateful you are that you are part of a,

00:56:21.360 or a group by which you could take advantage of the repentance process and the atonement and,

00:56:29.100 and how great that this exists. So I can move past my, my sins of the past and have a renewed

00:56:37.640 commitment of becoming a better man. Right. And, and, and expressing, and you did this expressing the

00:56:44.900 commitment that you have to leveling up. You know what I mean? Like, and, and kind of reminding me,

00:56:50.500 right. Of like, Hey, that's why we're here. That's a check. That's a check to you too, by the

00:56:55.660 way. Yeah, totally. Totally. And I would have a respectful way to check you. Yeah, totally.

00:57:01.380 And it's a call for him to step up as a man too. And you know what, like, regardless of what happens,

00:57:08.100 Chase, when you walk away from a meeting like that is you're going to feel like more of a man because you

00:57:14.400 are. Yeah. You're not engaging in rumors. You're not acting emotionally. You're not throwing

00:57:20.440 a temper tantrum. You're not trying to enact vengeance against anybody. You are addressing

00:57:25.540 a grievance with a specific person face to face, like a man does it. And if he's not willing to

00:57:34.540 step up as a man, why in the world would you want to be part of his congregation anyways?

00:57:40.140 There might be some really telling things here. And I'm not saying it's going to go this way,

00:57:43.720 but he might really reveal some things that if I'm going to follow spiritually another man,

00:57:50.820 I need to know who this guy is and how he conducts himself. And this is a very good way for you to act

00:57:56.900 like a man and for you to find out if he's a man. Yeah. And influence me, right? Like I could,

00:58:04.320 because he could be pandering to gossip because he doesn't want to have to deal with it. Right.

00:58:07.600 He doesn't want to deal with, you know, these other people being upset about your past or whatever.

00:58:13.860 Exactly. And you bringing that up to me, levels me up too. Like, you know what? You're right,

00:58:18.300 Ryan. You know, that's why we are here, you know? And I appreciate you coming to the table and being

00:58:23.020 clear with this. Like it's, it's a positive thing for me as well. Or, or not. Yeah. And then,

00:58:30.000 but you need to know that. Yeah. Like you, you could, you could take that the wrong way and you

00:58:35.940 could really throw yourself your own little temper tantrum and, and show me how cowardly you really

00:58:41.880 are. And I'm, I'm going to be as, as little as judgmental as possible about that, but I'm also

00:58:48.000 going to make decisions for me and my family. And I'm not going to follow a coward and somebody who

00:58:52.940 listens to gossip and rumors after the source of the information has come and spoken to him,

00:58:58.520 like a man can't deal with that. Like that, that shows me that individual is a coward and that's not

00:59:04.280 Christian. Yeah. I like it. One more question. One more. I'm excited about pronouncing this guy's

00:59:15.000 name. I've been working on all week. All right, here we go. Kizzy, uh, Kizzy, Kizzy, Karawanga.

00:59:25.540 Well, you're celebrating, but we don't know if that's right. Actually, it doesn't matter.

00:59:30.640 It's right. Okay. There you go. Kizzy, Kizzy or whatever. Kip got it right. And if it's wrong,

00:59:39.620 you're wrong. Kip just pronounced himself right. So change your name. I pronounced it correctly for 0.58

00:59:44.400 you. Yeah. All right. My 12 year old daughter is going through a shift and is being very,

00:59:50.580 is being very bitchy, sassy, and disrespectful around me and my wife. She also is hurtful to her 1.00

00:59:57.520 younger sisters. We're really low on patience. And it takes all my strength not to lash out at

01:00:02.600 her physically, especially when she acts in a hurtful way towards her siblings. I know she's

01:00:07.960 just growing up and battling with her own identity, but how do I love and guide her through this

01:00:14.300 challenging period for all of us? I think if there's a fee and look for, I'm going to put this

01:00:21.700 out here and take it with a grain of salt because my daughter is nine years old. She's not a teenager

01:00:27.280 yet. Yeah. So, and still she's nine still. She's like, Oh my gosh. Um, I think there's a theme though

01:00:36.820 in, in the conversations that we've had today. And that's just truthful upfront addressing of

01:00:43.340 situations, right? Whether it's the guy at church, um, or, you know, addiction, like, like addressing

01:00:50.940 it and talking with a spouse passive about them. Yes. And so, and being real, like being truthful

01:00:58.000 about other people and yourself. And so in her situation, I think these are the types of

01:01:03.320 conversations I would have is not like, Hey, you can't be treating people like this, which is true

01:01:09.820 by the way. But the, I think the better conversation is, and I would definitely involve your wife 0.99

01:01:14.960 because your wife's been a 13 year old girl, right? Or 12 year old girl at some point. So she definitely

01:01:19.840 needs to be involved. You have not, she has. So you definitely need to have her involved in this

01:01:24.640 process. And maybe even her head, the conversation is look, hon, you're 12 years old. There's a lot of

01:01:32.320 changes happening with your body. Those are the things that you can see. There's a lot of things

01:01:37.760 happening inside of your body. Those are the things that you can't see. These are your hormones

01:01:42.280 and the chemicals that make you act the way you do and view things the way you are and the changes

01:01:48.040 of your physical body. Like this is what happens to us as we get older. And I know it's hard to

01:01:53.660 understand, but these things that you cannot see are affecting the way that you behave. And so we

01:02:01.560 acknowledge that we actually honor that. It's a good thing. It's healthy. It's part of growing up.

01:02:06.960 It's part of growing up. You're going through this process. I've gone through this process

01:02:10.060 as a boy turning into man. Your mom has gone through this process as a young lady growing

01:02:13.660 into a woman. We've all gone through it and we've all gotten through it, but there's also

01:02:18.800 some expectations and there's also some consequences. And this is what's going to allow

01:02:24.980 you in this transitionary period, get through it smoothly and healthily. And in a way that uplifts

01:02:32.260 the entire family and here's what they are. And then you lay those out very clearly and

01:02:37.760 you help, you have her buy into that by what are the consequences? What expectations should

01:02:43.180 I have of you? By the way, what expectations do you have of me?

01:02:47.240 Yeah. You know, and what's the rewards as well?

01:02:50.300 Yeah.

01:02:50.460 My daughter came to me again, she's nine years old and she said, Hey dad, cause we have a,

01:02:54.960 we have a rule. We don't close the bedroom doors unless you know, they're changing or whatever

01:02:58.840 like that, obviously, but that's a rule. And so she came to me and just an hour ago and she's like,

01:03:04.800 Hey dad, can I close my bedroom door and just relax? And I said, well, why do you need to close

01:03:10.900 your bedroom door to do that? She's like, it's just nice because I listen to music and I don't

01:03:15.440 have to hear the boys yelling or fighting or wrestling or whatever. And, and then I can just

01:03:20.480 listen to my music and just play with my dolls or lay on my bed. Like that to me. Yeah, for sure.

01:03:26.620 But it also illustrates that she knows the rules. Yeah. Cause we've clearly communicated the rules

01:03:34.000 and she's asking for an exception. And I don't think that I have to be so hard on the rules that

01:03:39.360 I can't make reasonable exceptions to the rule. Like I'm not letting her dictate what she can do.

01:03:43.900 She's the child. I'm the parent. But if she comes to me with a reasonable request and says,

01:03:48.220 I would just like a little peace and quiet for the next 20 minutes. Like I can bend the rule to make

01:03:52.700 that happen. But the point I'm, the point I'm, that I'm making. And the reason I bring that up

01:03:57.000 is because all of the rules are laid out. Everybody in the household knows the expectation. And if you

01:04:02.880 want to deviate from the expectation, you have to get express permission to do that from me, the dad

01:04:09.180 or mom, the mom. And, and so I think there's some boundary issues here that maybe have been

01:04:14.880 failed to be communicated that might shore some of this up a little bit. And then the other reason I

01:04:21.680 brought that up with my daughter is because I realized that as she gets older, privacy, she's

01:04:27.480 got three brothers. Privacy is going to be more important to her. Like she needs some privacy. And I

01:04:32.560 get, I have to honor that to a degree, right? Like I can't let her go in there by herself all the time 0.99

01:04:37.880 with a computer and a TV or have boys in a room. Of course, like that's taking it to the extreme.

01:04:41.920 That's unhealthy. But I do have to honor that as she changes, my approach to fathering needs to change

01:04:48.020 in, in, in conjunction with her needs for privacy or her bodily changes that I'm not totally

01:04:55.640 comfortable thinking about yet. You know, that kind of stuff. Yeah. But that, that's how we dress

01:05:00.360 that as fathers, I think, and get the mother hyper-involved in that. Yeah. And what I like about

01:05:05.100 establishing those boundaries and those rules, Ryan, is it allows you to not, not, um, it helps

01:05:11.980 you not react emotionally when those rules are broken, right? Because now it's, it's not about

01:05:19.140 attacking or getting frustrated. It's like, Hey, we have the rules, right? We, we talked about the

01:05:25.140 expectations, here's the expectations, right? And, and here's the results. There you go. Right. And you,

01:05:31.760 you, it's easier versus if those aren't defined, we have a tendency to go around and just get pissed,

01:05:37.060 right. And emotional. And, and cause we think our emotional response is the consequence. It's like,

01:05:42.400 no, no, no. The consequence has been defined, just implement it, right? Have the conversation at

01:05:47.240 least that has allowed me to be, uh, way less emotional and be logical in responding to boundaries,

01:05:54.600 not being, um, you know, kept or whatever. I had a couple, uh, resources for you. So I actually think

01:06:01.780 that the Harbinger Harbinger Institute's book, the outward mindset is really, really valuable in this

01:06:08.120 area. And it's really based upon the idea that you need to make sure that you have an established

01:06:12.680 relationship with your daughter. And, and by having a solid relationship with her, then puts you into

01:06:18.960 position to provide guidance and support. Sometimes we approach it opposite. Oh, well, if they weren't

01:06:25.240 acting up, then we could have a better relationship. You got to have that relationship in check. Those guys

01:06:30.880 covered that really well. Um, so maybe, maybe something to take a look at. I like that. I'm

01:06:35.620 going to, I'm looking at, I haven't heard of that. So I'm going to look into that for myself. Yeah.

01:06:39.080 Great book. There's, there's one other thing that I wrote down here, Kip, is you were saying that I

01:06:43.060 think all kids, especially as they get older, they move from 10, 11, 12 years old in the teenage years

01:06:48.500 is they're really looking for some autonomy in their life. Yeah. Right. And they're trying to find,

01:06:53.580 like you said, normal, right. Like they're totally dependent. They're trying to find the balance.

01:06:58.180 You know, my son, my oldest son at the football game, I think I said, this is like, we went to

01:07:02.180 the football game and he's like, Hey dad, can I have a couple bucks for some hot chocolate? I'm

01:07:05.740 like, yeah, sure. And I thought he was going to go get hot chocolate and then come back and sit with

01:07:09.380 me. Like he went and got hot chocolate and I looked over and he's playing with all his friends and I

01:07:14.740 didn't see him the whole game, you know? And like, at first I was like, that sucks. Like, what's up,

01:07:20.800 bro? Like you just take my money and then you don't come back. And that was my emotional

01:07:25.120 thing speaking. And then I was like, no, this is actually good. He's, he wants to be on his own.

01:07:30.780 He wants to be with his friends. He doesn't need to be with me. Like, this is a good, healthy thing,

01:07:36.080 although it's a hit to my ego. So they're looking for autonomy. So one of the things that my wife and

01:07:41.140 I implemented very early on, um, with our disciplining of our kids. And we do this with

01:07:46.080 my five-year-old is if there's something that they do where they need a timeout, like I wholeheartedly

01:07:51.780 believe in timeouts because they need a break from the stimulus of what's going on right now to just

01:07:56.500 like mellow down, think about it, like whatever they need to do at their age. So one of the things

01:08:01.600 that we do with our timeouts is we say, you go take a timeout, go sit on the stairs and come back in

01:08:08.940 or come back to the dinner table or come back to play the game when you're ready to be a contributing

01:08:14.860 member of the family. So we've, my oldest is 13. So for 13 years, I've never given my children a

01:08:22.980 timeout where I'm like, you're in timeout for 10 minutes. Never. I always put it on them, get their

01:08:28.480 emotions in check. Yep. And so I tell them, Hey, bud, you go to timeout. You're being disrespectful at

01:08:35.000 the dinner table. So get down, go to the stairs, sit in timeout. And when you're ready to come back,

01:08:41.780 whether that's in two minutes or 30 minutes, we'll be here and you can be a contributing

01:08:46.580 member of the family. And they go and usually three, four, maybe five minutes passes and they

01:08:52.040 come in and they ask, dad, can I join the table? And my question is, are you ready to be a contributing

01:08:57.400 member of the family? Yes. Good. That's the expectation. Please join us. So I always make them

01:09:03.500 feel welcome to come back, but I do give them a little autonomy, even at age five, to make a decision

01:09:09.600 of when they're ready to uphold the standard, not to choose what the standard is, but when they're

01:09:14.140 ready to live by the standard. Yeah. I did the same thing with my, my nine-year-old or eight-year-old

01:09:20.380 literally yesterday. I'm like, Kalani, you got it. You got to go hang out in the room. Let me know when

01:09:26.960 you're ready to talk because you're being way too emotional right now. And when you need to work

01:09:30.720 through this, you know, it took about 10 minutes. Hey dad, I'm ready to talk. All right. Awesome.

01:09:37.500 What's going on? Why are you upset? Oh, it's because of this. Okay. Are you willing to, you know,

01:09:41.460 are you going to clean your room instead of being a complaint? Do you see the value? Yes, I understand.

01:09:45.780 All right. Good. And we're good to go. You know, so. It's, it's giving, like, I really think that we

01:09:53.100 need to pay our kids the right amount of respect. You know, some people take it overboard and they let

01:09:57.720 the kids dictate the tone of the family dynamic and the culture. No, but there is enough respect

01:10:03.980 that I respect you as a person. I respect that you have your own thoughts and your own desires

01:10:09.500 and your own way of working through things. I respect that. I'm going to honor that within

01:10:15.020 parameters because you're still my child. And there's something very powerful in it. I don't

01:10:19.800 have all the parenting stuff figured out, but I think there is something powerful in acknowledging

01:10:23.860 that they're little humans, not perpetual babies. Yeah. Little adults. Figure that out on their

01:10:30.000 own. Yeah. Yeah. Young adults. Maybe that's a good way to say it. Cool. All right, man. All right.

01:10:37.800 Well, as always, join us. You know, you mentioned earlier around the Iron Council,

01:10:43.000 the framework in which we have and those relationships to learn more about our brotherhood,

01:10:48.760 the Iron Council, go to orderofman.com slash Iron Council. And of course, to field future

01:10:55.220 questions, the AMA award, even just to join the conversation with how many other men?

01:11:02.500 If Reese was here, he would tell us 960 or whatever it is.

01:11:07.320 Thousand men in the Iron Council. Oh, sorry.

01:11:09.760 Over a hundred thousand in the Facebook group.

01:11:12.580 78. You're off by only about 22, 23,000.

01:11:16.500 Well, after everyone joins right now, after I tell them the URL, we'll be up to a hundred K.

01:11:22.400 That's right.

01:11:22.900 So to join us on Facebook, that's facebook.com slash group slash order of man. And of course,

01:11:28.840 you can get some order of man merch at the store. That's store.orderofman.com.

01:11:33.800 What else?

01:11:35.500 Follow Mr. Bickler on Insta.

01:11:37.720 Oh yeah. I saw those yesterday on your Instagram account. I'll get one sent to you. I probably

01:11:41.620 shouldn't promote this because they're probably already sold out, but these went quick.

01:11:45.500 Anyways, we've got stuff in the store. We'll be getting restocked here quick. That's a great way

01:11:49.160 to support us.

01:11:49.860 Oh yeah. You got holiday season coming up. You guys better stock up well.

01:11:53.820 And supply chains are down and busted and broken and delayed and everything else. So we're trying

01:11:57.760 to stay on top of it guys, but we appreciate you and your patience. All right, you guys,

01:12:01.540 we'll be back. This will be asking me Friday. We'll be back Friday. Until then, go out there,

01:12:07.700 take action, become the man you are meant to be.

01:12:10.160 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your

01:12:14.500 life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

How to Sharpen the Ax, What to Ask a Potential Wife, and How to Deal with a Co-worker You Don't Like ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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Order of Man

How to Sharpen the Ax, What to Ask a Potential Wife, and How to Deal with a Co-worker You Don&#x27;t Like ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

How to Sharpen the Ax, What to Ask a Potential Wife, and How to Deal with a Co-worker You Don't Like ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING