Order of Man - How to Show Yourself Grace, Conflict Between Stoicism and Christianity, and Helping Your Children Overcome Unrealistic Expectations

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.900 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.260 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:16.880 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.320 you can call yourself a man. Sean, what is up, brother? Two weeks in a row to what do I owe

00:00:27.380 this pleasure? Actually, I know what it is. Kip's gallivanting around Europe instead of doing his

00:00:32.020 work here at Order of Man. I'm not sure why he's choosing to do that, but it is what it is.

00:00:39.740 I don't. He's with his family. I've seen pictures. I'm like, why is he doing that? He should be

00:00:44.600 recording Ask Many Things with me. I don't get it. It doesn't compute. No offense to all the guys in

00:00:52.200 Europe, but it's not my favorite place to go. It's kind of like, I feel a little bit like

00:00:58.940 Ron Swanson. There was an episode in Parks and Rec where I think he was going to London or he was in

00:01:05.260 London and he was like, why would I go to London? History started in 1776 and nothing before that

00:01:14.840 actually really mattered. I will say, I felt like that in a lot of ways. I'm like, man,

00:01:20.660 why would I go anywhere else? I haven't seen all of the United States yet. We have so much

00:01:24.260 amazing things to look at. Then I went to London because I was invited years and years ago on

00:01:30.760 London Real with Brian Rose's podcast. I actually really, really enjoyed it. I did not think that

00:01:37.960 I would, but my ex-wife and I went. It was an incredible, incredible trip. I get it now,

00:01:48.120 but it took me a little while. It's cool. I like London. It's one of those places. When I say

00:01:52.160 Europe, that's obviously too broad. Of course. There's some places where I'm like, not another

00:01:57.340 castle. There's only so many castles and so many, because that's the majority of the stuff you go

00:02:03.440 see. It's cool. But when you've seen like 50 of them, then you're like, okay, there's only so many

00:02:09.360 kind of attitude. Except Rome. Dude, Rome's insane. Rome is ridiculous how cool that is.

00:02:17.400 Ireland has been on my list. Places, Scotland's on my list. Athens is cool too. Greece, the really,

00:02:23.720 really old stuff. I mean, when you're looking at stuff that's thousands of years old, you know?

00:02:28.020 Yeah. The thing that really stood out to me in London was, and I can't remember the exact date,

00:02:34.260 maybe, maybe about six or 700 years ago. You guys are correct me if I'm way off on that. I might be,

00:02:39.620 but you can actually see where William Wallace was tried. And that's, that's pretty cool. Like that,

00:02:46.540 that was cool. It's just so, it's really interesting in London. And I'm sure a lot of other places that

00:02:50.800 are like this as well in Europe, you know, our history, we're so, we're so immature, you know,

00:02:55.280 America, when it comes to the rest of the world, we obviously got a lot of things figured out,

00:02:59.060 but as far as our history goes, very, very, very new, relatively speaking. But what was cool in

00:03:06.900 London is you would see, you know, Westminster Abbey, you'd see some of these old buildings and

00:03:13.860 castles and palaces. And then right next to it, you'd see this big, amazing, brand new,

00:03:20.580 you know, skyscraper and building. And it was really interesting, the juxtaposition,

00:03:26.060 if I can say that, between old and new. It's very interesting. It's cool.

00:03:31.060 Yeah. Yeah. We went, we went and saw the changing of the guard when we were there.

00:03:35.380 Oh yeah.

00:03:36.020 And, you know, so you're sitting in that castle specifically is the oldest one in all of London.

00:03:40.480 It was, that's where like literally Kings and Queens used to, you know, live and, and,

00:03:45.400 and it was just crazy. Like you said, like number one, gratitude and like how good we have it,

00:03:51.840 because we live better in the U S than Kings and Queens used to live, you know,

00:03:55.420 not even that long ago.

00:03:56.740 Sure. And, uh, and then palace, right?

00:04:00.120 No, Buckingham's where they live now. Um, it's, uh, it's where they hold the,

00:04:05.060 hold the crown jewels. It's called, um, oh my gosh, guys are going to hate me out there for not

00:04:09.840 remembering.

00:04:11.520 Doesn't, doesn't really matter, but whatever it is, right. It's the oldest place. It's where

00:04:16.440 they do the changing of the guards.

00:04:18.100 Oh no, I was thinking tower of London, which is where we went as well.

00:04:22.320 It is the tower of London.

00:04:23.000 So is that where it is? Okay.

00:04:24.520 Yeah. And, um, and then you're looking at, like you said, you're sitting in that place

00:04:28.840 and everything's sold and, and there's all that history. And then you're looking at

00:04:33.200 the rest of the city, right. Along the river there. And you're just, you're, it's like

00:04:37.600 kind of surreal, you know, it's cool.

00:04:39.660 The crown jewels were cool to see as well. We, did you see that? That was pretty amazing.

00:04:45.100 Yeah. They had, yeah. Yeah. We saw them. We, we did like a, we had, it was an interesting

00:04:50.000 private tour thing. We actually had dinner there. It was like a five-star private tour.

00:04:55.100 Oh, it was crazy, dude. It was, it was unreal. I didn't set it up. It was, but it was phenomenal.

00:05:00.760 It was one of those weird, rare, cool things, but yeah.

00:05:06.220 Awesome. Anyways.

00:05:06.980 Cool. Well, glad to have you back for two weeks in a row. Um, everybody always appreciates

00:05:10.880 your insight and input and, uh, as, as do I, so let's, uh, let's get to some questions

00:05:16.620 today.

00:05:17.280 All right. These are all from Facebook and we'll start with Joshua Trott. It's an easy question.

00:05:25.180 Quick question. How to overcome complacency. So I saw all these questions before and I gave

00:05:31.180 it some thought because I knew, you know, I, I want to be somewhat prepared as I'm talking

00:05:34.640 with these guys. Uh, you know, there's a lot of different ways. Number one, you can get

00:05:38.360 kicked in the balls. I mean, that's one way. That's like the worst way to do it.

00:05:43.360 That's unfortunately is not most people get their ass in gear.

00:05:48.220 You'll, you'll figure it out really quickly when you have a medical problem, you know, and

00:05:53.380 you realize, man, I'm 80 pounds overweight or more, and I've got, um, you know, diabetes

00:05:58.800 or some other medical condition, heart problems, blood pressure issues. And you realize, oh

00:06:04.540 my goodness, I might die prematurely because of this. Or, you know, as, as I've talked a

00:06:10.020 little bit about with your relationship, you know, your, your wife comes to you and says,

00:06:15.300 Hey, I'm out, I'm done. Or I'm not in love with you or, you know, whatever she might

00:06:22.280 say. And then you realize, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what? And you realize you were

00:06:27.000 in complacency, uh, or in your business, a competitor sneaks up behind you and pulls

00:06:33.900 out some of your market share because you've been coasting, you know, relying on your laurels

00:06:39.880 to, to get you past whatever, whatever you're dealing with now. So that's one way I would

00:06:45.980 suggest that we don't get that, that way into that place. Uh, but what I would say the best

00:06:53.020 way to do it, because some, it's hard because sometimes you're just in it. Right. And you

00:06:56.700 think we were so good as men at deceiving ourselves. I know I have been in my life, especially over

00:07:01.200 the past little bit, I've had a lot of success in certain aspects of my life and just assume,

00:07:06.060 man, I'm good. Like, this is awesome. I'm good. I'm great. But what I, one of the things

00:07:11.560 I failed to do was to surround myself with other really motivated, high achieving men.

00:07:18.640 And I have a lot of guys in my corner. I have a lot of guys in my proximity,

00:07:22.660 but I, I began to isolate myself quite a bit and I didn't think I was better than anyone else

00:07:29.400 necessarily, but I kind of put myself on an Island and assumed that nobody knew what I was dealing with

00:07:34.800 or there wasn't anybody on the same level, this kind of stuff. And looking back on it now,

00:07:40.180 I wish I would have spent more time with you, Sean. I wish I would have spent more time with

00:07:45.400 Kip. I wish I would have spent more time with other high caliber men, because then I would have

00:07:52.240 seen what they're doing. You and those guys are doing relative to what I was doing and realized,

00:07:57.560 well, man, maybe I don't have it all figured out. Maybe I'm not as good as I think I am. Maybe,

00:08:03.540 maybe there are some deficiencies in what I'm doing currently. And I think it would have helped

00:08:09.000 motivate me and inspire me to do something more than I was currently doing. So in addition to

00:08:15.780 getting your, getting your ass handed to you, surrounding yourself with killers. I mean,

00:08:19.760 and I'm not talking just about on the business or financial front, I'm talking about health and

00:08:23.560 relationships and other, other aspects of life. And then outside of that, if you already know that

00:08:28.120 you're in a level of complacency, it's like in a rut. Sometimes you just have to kind of jerk the

00:08:32.800 wheel a bit and pop yourself up out of that rut and stop doing things the same way. Stop doing

00:08:38.220 the same routine, stop engaging in the same behavior, stop doing the same activities and

00:08:43.200 hobbies and just mix everything up. Because if you mix everything up, you're going to see things in

00:08:49.600 a different light. You're going to have a different perspective. You're going to have new ideas and new

00:08:53.320 ways of looking at things. You're going to be introduced to new people and it's going to expand

00:08:57.600 your horizon. So that's what I've got. I mean, there's an infinite number of ways to do this,

00:09:01.560 but that's what I've got. I'd love to hear what you have to say.

00:09:03.380 I would have said the exact thing. But the only thing I would maybe add to it is that you have to

00:09:11.660 catch yourself in complacency and then do something about it. So I heard this a long

00:09:20.320 time ago when I'd started my business, there was a guy, not necessarily a mentor of mine,

00:09:26.800 but just a guy who's much better at this and then had been doing it for a couple of decades already

00:09:32.760 by the time I had started. And he had this great advice that if you want to do more with your life,

00:09:42.560 and he was talking specifically business, but this applies to anything. It's like, if you want to do

00:09:47.140 more, we all have time in the day to do more on the things that are important if we make the time to

00:09:56.820 do those things. But when you're first starting that journey, and as I say that there's probably

00:10:02.380 some high achieving guys that are like, I don't have that much time in the day. Maybe you're

00:10:07.180 already good at these things. So maybe I'm not talking to you specifically, but when you're

00:10:10.400 starting the journey of not allowing yourself to fall into complacency and you start achieving more

00:10:16.240 and you start doing better in all these areas we're talking about,

00:10:18.960 you, and before that's a habit, you have to catch yourself in the things that are wasting time,

00:10:26.080 in the things that are not serving you and the things that are not helping you to be better.

00:10:31.340 And so the way he explained it was if, if you're still in your old habits, which for most people

00:10:37.840 is, you know, maybe you're, you watch sports all day on the weekends and that's your thing.

00:10:42.860 And that's what you love to do, but you're saying, Oh man, you know, it's, I'm not spending enough

00:10:48.900 time with my kids or, or my wife, or I don't, I'm not making that much money. And so many people get

00:10:55.940 caught in this. Woe is me. I'm not doing, you know, what I need to. And then their default is to just

00:11:03.100 chill out. And so he's, he said it like, catch yourself in those moments. And as soon as you do,

00:11:14.160 let's say you're watching TV, turn off the TV and then do whatever you need to do to get you the

00:11:19.720 results to get you out of that circumstance. And so, you know, which again, he was talking business.

00:11:24.760 So he's like, if you catch yourself watching football on a Saturday or on a Sunday or whatever

00:11:29.920 you do immediately turn off the TV, grab your phone and start making phone calls and just replace

00:11:37.400 those activities that don't serve you with the ones that do. And so I, I took that into every part of

00:11:43.100 my life of, okay, if I find myself literally sitting around doing, doing something that doesn't serve one

00:11:49.520 of the areas of my life that needs to improve, I'll stop, turn off whatever I'm doing and just replace

00:11:56.480 it with whatever things that serve me. And like you said, it could be anything. It could be,

00:12:01.160 maybe I just walk into the other room with my wife and have a conversation with her about just how

00:12:06.980 she's feeling, what's going on, just what the week's going to look like, uh, whatever. Maybe I'll walk up

00:12:13.880 and, and find out what one of my kids is doing and start a conversation with them and ask them to go

00:12:21.000 outside, go, even if it's just to go for a walk, whatever, maybe it's something in business. Maybe

00:12:26.120 it's middle of the day like this and there's stuff that needs to be done around the house. I don't

00:12:29.240 know. But if I catch myself in, I guess in this circumstance, we'll call it complacency.

00:12:36.940 It's taking action and jumping in. I talked about this a couple, when, when Kip and I were here,

00:12:44.080 um, when you couldn't make it a few weeks ago, um, I was talking about this and that's why I joined the

00:12:50.640 IC is I found myself, I wasn't doing bad in my life. Right. Right. It wasn't, things were great.

00:12:56.760 And, but I didn't feel like I was doing my best. I felt like I could be better. I felt like I needed

00:13:02.560 something. And so I put myself in this environment just to try it out. And, you know, here I am three and

00:13:10.200 a half years later, uh, and obviously actively engaged in our mission and what we're doing.

00:13:17.760 And, and it makes me better. And second thing I'll add is it doesn't just have to be the highest

00:13:26.560 caliber, man. Sometimes it's putting yourself in service to other men because, you know, getting

00:13:32.640 into this group that I did get around guys that it just made me realize there was more focus I could

00:13:40.040 have had than I had at the time. And that got my butt in gear for that. But then also simultaneously,

00:13:47.760 there's, I'm in a position in my life where I just automatically end up in more mentoring or

00:13:55.360 coaching or leadership roles, I guess you could say, you know, and it triggered other things outside of

00:14:00.620 the IC, but even inside, there's a lot of value to be around and help guys. You know, I mean,

00:14:08.360 you obviously know, because it's your group, but I get enough messages just from some of the things

00:14:14.100 that we do from guys in the IC, just asking advice or help or, or whatever it is. And so that helps keep

00:14:23.380 me fresh and actively engaged in being my best because now you have to not just be around it,

00:14:35.420 but actively engaged in making sure that if you're going to be giving advice or people are going to

00:14:40.300 be asking you, you want to make sure that you're, you know, doing what you're saying. And so it keeps

00:14:46.040 you out of complacency as well. You, you said a couple of things that stuck out, stood out to me,

00:14:52.720 stuck out. I'm going to make that a new word. Stuck out to me. It's a good one. I like that stand.

00:14:58.100 And I don't know what I was trying to combine that with, but regardless, stuck out to me.

00:15:03.260 Number one is you said, I wasn't doing bad. And I, and look, I've said that exact same thing.

00:15:10.300 That's such a dangerous place. It's not crushing it and it's not doing horribly. If you're doing

00:15:17.820 horribly, that's actually a better place to be than, Hey, I'm not doing bad. Yeah.

00:15:22.720 Because if you know you're failing, at least you're real about that. And then you can actively

00:15:28.840 work on what you need to improve. I have been in this mode of, Hey, I'm not doing bad.

00:15:33.880 I'm doing pretty good. That's a bad place to be. So that's one thing. The other thing that you said,

00:15:39.860 and I, and I'm really, I'm a stickler on the language on this one. And there's an important

00:15:44.320 reason why, but people will say, Oh, I just got to make the time. Don't say that. I don't think we

00:15:50.080 should say that because you can't manufacture time. It's impossible. And when we say, I just

00:15:56.920 got to make time. What, what, what does that mean? What, where do you think you're going to pull time

00:16:00.520 from? It's, it's, it's a delusional saying like we don't make time. We manage time. That's it.

00:16:08.920 That's all we can do. And so the reason this is so important is because if you just say, I'll make

00:16:14.940 time, like you're not going to be able to do that because it's not possible. But if you say,

00:16:19.580 I'll manage my time more effectively, then I think you will begin to look at the things like

00:16:23.980 watching all the baseball games on Saturday or whatever, and, and realize that maybe I should

00:16:29.960 just watch one. I don't have anything wrong with a guy disengaging, watching it, watching a game

00:16:35.820 and join a game with maybe his family or friends. We do fight nights. You know, I, on Saturday,

00:16:41.460 we watch Adesanya fight and, and Burns fight and all these guys.

00:16:44.320 Like that's so good. No, amazing. It was crazy. So amazing. And then a celebration with the arrows

00:16:51.920 after I'm like, dang, that was pretty cool. Yeah. Uh, but yeah, we, we do that because,

00:16:57.540 because it's deliberate and it's intentional. It's not just, Hey, I'm just like fluff or fill this

00:17:02.360 stuff in. It's like, no, I'm going to do that on purpose because me and my boys can enjoy that time

00:17:06.580 together over something that we both, we all like. So let's, let's get rid of the, Hey, I'll just

00:17:12.640 find the time or I'll make the time. No, be deliberate. And you know what? You might say,

00:17:19.340 Hey, that's not important to me. Like I can't make time to go work out, but just, I'd rather

00:17:23.940 you say that's not important to me than say, Oh, I'll make time at some point in the future to do

00:17:28.160 that. Just say, it's not important. At least you're being honest. And that's, that's what I'm trying

00:17:32.780 to do is be honest about my assessment of, of my performance. I'm glad you pointed that out.

00:17:38.440 Cause I meant to say it. Cause when I heard it from that guy, I wrote it down back then. And it's

00:17:43.540 going to be funny. Cause you just talked about the importance of it. He said, you place importance

00:17:47.740 on your time. So you, you got it managing your time. I've always called it placing importance on

00:17:53.620 your time and acting accordingly. Yeah. Cool. What's next? Awesome. Next question is from Jack

00:18:00.480 Duquesne. It says, what are the top five things that would be essential to a good business proposal

00:18:06.260 to gain a new client who currently uses a competitor to provide a service?

00:18:11.320 So I'm not going to get into the top five things and give you a laundry list of items. I'm going to

00:18:16.140 answer the way this one, the way that I would, that I think it's going to be best for you.

00:18:20.840 There is a great book that I read years and years ago. Sean, you may have read this one.

00:18:25.400 It's called the selling chronicles. Does that sound familiar to you? Oh, you should read that.

00:18:30.480 Yeah. I'm going to write it down. For you as an advisor for, for the men and women who you coach

00:18:36.740 and train, this thing revolutionized my financial planning practice. It's called the selling

00:18:43.740 chronicles. I can't remember the gentleman's name, but it's a great book. And it is specifically relates

00:18:48.640 to the financial services industry, but it's, it would apply, apply broadly. So here's what I would

00:18:55.960 say as far as a business proposal goes, I'm not good at that stuff. I'm not good at like the numbers

00:19:01.560 and the logistics and the planning. And here's a proposal for you, but you know what I am really

00:19:06.500 good at? I'm really good at getting to the root of people's problems. And if you read that book,

00:19:12.200 you'll understand what I mean, but the best thing that you can do is you can ask questions because

00:19:16.040 here's what's going to happen. Let's say I get really good. Let's say Sean, I'm trying to solicit your

00:19:20.260 business for, uh, I don't know, for, for, I'm just seeing some signs behind you for printing signs.

00:19:25.720 Okay. You need some signs printed up and I'm trying to solicit your business. I really need to figure

00:19:30.420 out what your current situation is. I don't look, if I come to you with a business proposal and it's

00:19:35.740 beautiful and it's like laser printed and it's laminated and it's got beautiful marketing and

00:19:40.400 coloring, and it doesn't address the issue you're dealing with, I might as well just throw that in the

00:19:44.800 trash. It's a useless piece of junk. If on the other hand, I come to you and I say, Hey, Sean,

00:19:50.800 I see some signs behind you and man, those look really cool. Um, do you, do you like that material?

00:19:56.300 Do you not? What do you like about it? What don't you like about it? And I start to figure out what's

00:20:00.480 going well with your current vendor and what isn't working well. Okay. Now I have some area that I can

00:20:07.240 focus on. If you come to me and say, yeah, I love the quality of this stuff, that order a man flag

00:20:12.360 and the revolution sign behind me. I love the quality, but man, if the guy doesn't take three

00:20:17.860 months to get a project done, boom, game over. I already know what I need to do now. I don't need

00:20:25.460 to focus on price. I don't need to focus on quality. Of course I want it to be quality. It needs to be

00:20:30.220 as good as, if not better than what you currently have, but I know the issue is time. And so I make

00:20:36.780 everything about that. And so what I might say, especially if I'm a, maybe I'm a smaller company,

00:20:42.060 I might say, man, I know those big companies, they do great work and they have access to

00:20:47.760 some amazing materials and products, but because they're so large and bloated, sometimes you become

00:20:54.200 just another cog in the wheel. Projects get lost, bigger projects come in, your project gets pushed

00:21:00.280 to the back burner. That's just the nature of big business. I'm going to get to that point at some

00:21:05.060 point and hopefully I can manage that. But you know what the advantage we have right now

00:21:08.240 is that it's me, our sales team, and our administrative team. And when you call us,

00:21:15.220 you're talking with us. When we have a project come in, I don't care if it's one flag or 3,000

00:21:21.180 banners for the biggest real estate agent in town. We treat all of those with the utmost important

00:21:26.680 because it's very, very important to our business that we serve you and our clients effectively.

00:21:31.700 So if I could get you the same quality of product or even better, because I think I might be able

00:21:38.680 to, but I could get it to you in an appropriate time, will you give me a shot? I'm not saying you

00:21:44.940 have to do all your orders with me, but give me a shot. What do you think? I just saved you time.

00:21:50.340 I saved me time. I focused on what was important and I guarantee I pick up a sale. I'm going to pick

00:21:56.020 it all up right now, but I'm going to pick something up and I'm putting my little foot in

00:22:00.100 the door. And gradually I'm going to get myself inside because I'm going to do a phenomenal job

00:22:04.180 for you. That's the angle I would take by asking good questions, by figuring out what the pain

00:22:10.280 points are, figuring out where you're struggling, not to beat another company up. We're not going to

00:22:15.080 do that, but just to figure out what angle I need to take to get in there. And the Selling Chronicles

00:22:19.320 talks a lot about this, which is very, very powerful.

00:22:21.840 Wow. Nailed it. That was, that was awesome. And make sure that you deliver on all those things

00:22:31.520 that you say that, that is something I see this as you were talking about that. It made me think of,

00:22:40.640 you know, we have a few like big 401ks that we manage, um, you know, like Southwest airlines,

00:22:47.600 Red bull, um, you know, and so we've gotten some deals like that and, and not really trying, but

00:22:54.020 it, it's interesting looking back at when I started my business, the reason we got those is what you're

00:23:00.920 talking about. They didn't like the service side of their existing. Most of the time, that's what it

00:23:06.520 is. Yeah. They, they, well, especially in that space, right. Because they like, they set it up and

00:23:11.940 you might have a fidelity or whatever, which has a lot of great choices and options and low price,

00:23:16.880 but then there's one time a year where they do their enrollment and they, someone comes in,

00:23:22.480 they're out, they know nothing about anybody. They don't really help. Yeah. You know, the 800 numbers,

00:23:27.760 not helpful or whatever. Right. And so India or something and it's, yeah. Yeah. And, and so,

00:23:34.220 you know, we would now I could say, Hey, we can come in. I have enough guys in my organization that

00:23:42.340 if we set up this plan for you, like they'll have direct access to us, to me, to an advisor,

00:23:48.460 to someone who will sit down and specifically look at everything for them that, you know,

00:23:54.680 about their current financial situation to help them utilize the 401k to its best ability for their

00:24:00.200 situation. It's a service ad that nobody adds that will, we're willing to do for you. And so,

00:24:07.420 like you said, give us a shot. It doesn't have to be the whole thing. Like that's what we did

00:24:10.680 Southwest. We don't manage all of their stuff, but we probably manage about, you know, 20%. And,

00:24:16.400 and that was it. Like, but I wouldn't have done that when I started. Cause I didn't have the

00:24:21.720 capacity. Does that make sense? Like I couldn't have promised that I could give that time or have

00:24:26.940 the people to give that time when it didn't exist in my organization yet, when I didn't have enough

00:24:31.900 people to fill that need. So if you take it and get overwhelmed by the volume, you can't deliver.

00:24:38.160 That's worse. Right. So, so make sure that everything you put in that proposal,

00:24:43.300 you know, you can deliver on. I just, I just, that word proposal. I just hate that word.

00:24:49.660 Yeah. Like I've never had to deal in proposals and I don't want to, and I'm not saying there isn't a

00:24:55.700 situation where I wouldn't, maybe there is, cause there's some legalities of something I'm doing for

00:24:59.420 sure, but, or, or that they want some structure, definitely understand. But you know, one other

00:25:06.240 thing I was going to say is if you come in with a proposal for somebody who thinks everything is

00:25:10.080 just perfect, what in the world are you doing? What a waste of time. Like, I want to figure that

00:25:13.840 out quick. I actually want to disqualify you to go back to what I was saying earlier. If we come in

00:25:18.200 with banners, you're like, oh yeah, I love our banners. Price is awesome. Service is phenomenal.

00:25:23.260 The guy's my brother-in-law. Like, why am I going to come to you with a proposal?

00:25:28.620 What a colossal waste of my time and yours, by the way. So I'm just going to cut my losses and say,

00:25:34.120 hey, that's awesome. If anything changes, here's my card. Mind if I check in on you every few months

00:25:37.880 or whatever? And then I'm going to move on because I don't want to get, I don't want to get bogged down

00:25:44.560 in that. I really don't. The other thing I would say, one last thing is just get good at asking

00:25:50.700 questions because it means that you actually care. And I'm not talking about interviewing

00:25:54.520 or grilling them on what they're doing. Just get good at asking questions. The best way you can do

00:26:03.300 that is in your everyday interactions. I was at the gym this morning and there was a person on a

00:26:08.540 machine next to me. And I just said, hey, I said to the person, because I'm trying to connect with

00:26:14.640 people. I'm like, hey, I've never seen this machine before. Have you had a lot of success

00:26:20.120 with it? And that's it. And that opened up a great conversation. People make it so much more

00:26:26.880 complicated than it needs to be. I just said, hey, I've never used that machine. Have you had

00:26:30.340 a lot of success with it? And the guy's like, yeah, I love it. I've been using it every week for

00:26:34.240 the past couple of years. And here's how I implement it. Here's what it's been helping me

00:26:38.440 with. And that just opened a conversation. That's not hard. It's very easy, but we make it often

00:26:44.240 more complicated than it needs to be. So if you can focus on asking good questions and do it to

00:26:48.520 strangers as a game, like how many people can you meet today? By just asking questions. You see a

00:26:55.780 guy in the McDonald's line or wherever you're at, say, hey, those are cool boots. Where'd you get

00:26:59.820 those? I'm looking for a new pair of boots. Or you see a woman in the line and say, hey, I like that

00:27:04.300 purse. I'm actually thinking about getting my wife a purse for Mother's Day or for her birthday.

00:27:09.180 I don't know. Is that a good one? It's so easy. And yet we make it more complicated than it needs

00:27:15.560 to be. So that's another thing I'd focus on too. That was awesome. Cool. What's next?

00:27:21.100 David Osburnson. Sorry, David. Do you believe psychology plays a very big role in economics?

00:27:29.680 I've been reading Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman. He says, people's attitudes

00:27:35.340 very much play a role in how the market works. So do you believe psychology plays a very big role

00:27:40.980 in economics? I almost think this is just a rhetorical question. It's like, of course.

00:27:46.260 Yeah.

00:27:46.820 It's the single greatest factor of economics. We often think that money, and you're talking to a

00:27:53.880 couple of guys who have some experience, Sean, you more than me. We often think money is just

00:27:58.600 numbers. Well, if that was the case, then all of us would be independently wealthy because we all

00:28:06.180 know how to add and subtract. Yeah. Well, can I stop here just real quickly? To you and I,

00:28:13.740 I think it seems like, of course, because we understand it. Does that make sense? Now think

00:28:21.060 in a sense of the large majority of people out there really don't have an understanding of

00:28:26.800 the economy or the markets of those things. And so maybe from that standpoint, right?

00:28:35.160 Fair enough. Fair enough. So I'll answer and say, yes, absolutely. Think about the last thing that

00:28:42.780 you bought. Did you need it? I'm trying to think about the last thing I bought. What did I buy?

00:28:48.520 I can't even remember. I know I didn't need it, obviously, because if I needed it, I probably

00:28:54.420 would remember what it actually was. Oh, you know what it was? A PlayStation. Did I need a PlayStation?

00:29:01.900 Of course, I did not need a PlayStation, but I got it. Why? Okay. Here's my why. Because I thought it'd

00:29:10.160 be a fun way to be able to spend a little time with the kids playing games. And I thought, hey,

00:29:14.640 if I've got this PlayStation, the kids will be more likely to want to have their friends over here,

00:29:19.920 then go to their friend's house. So we have the community here. Those are all emotional desires.

00:29:28.140 Has nothing to do with this logical. Now, look, I was a little bit logical in the way that I

00:29:33.240 rationalized and justified it, but it was only to support my emotional decision, which is I want to

00:29:37.960 be around the kids. I want to connect with them. I want them to invite their friends over. Obviously,

00:29:42.400 we're going to have rules in place and things like that. That's an emotional-based decision.

00:29:47.320 That's psychology. It's all that is. So I know of the book, Thinking Fast and Slow. Is that what it

00:29:54.680 was called? Yeah.

00:29:56.260 Yeah. I know of the book. I don't know the premise of the book. I've seen it and I've heard things about

00:30:01.200 it, but I haven't read it or don't know the premise, so I can't speak on that. But yeah,

00:30:05.400 I think once we realize that it is psychology, then we can use that to our advantage by really

00:30:13.100 pondering whether or not we should make purchases and we can make smarter decisions,

00:30:18.200 but we can also use it. I mean, look, let's be honest. Order of Man is also a business. Now,

00:30:25.100 we happen to be in a business that I love, a business that I really believe that we have

00:30:30.220 solutions to offer people. But when I talk about the Iron Council, for example, I don't give you a

00:30:36.320 laundry list of benefits and why the cost analysis makes sense and what your rate of return on the

00:30:43.300 investment is. Have you heard me talk about that? No. You hear me talk about your struggles. You hear

00:30:48.900 me talk about why having other men in your corner is important. You hear me talk about this accountability

00:30:52.860 that you build in. You hear me talk about a battle team. You hear me talk about all these things

00:30:57.260 that are emotionally charged, not logically driven. And then we support it with the data.

00:31:03.120 We support it with the success. We support it with the rate of return, but it starts first and foremost

00:31:08.280 with our emotional wants and desires. Yeah. And it's worse now than it ever has been because

00:31:18.020 the way we communicate, because of social media, because the interaction that we're able to have with

00:31:23.440 each other has made it worse because you get so much information and people aren't like, they don't

00:31:30.740 know what to listen to anymore. It's almost like there's too much information, right? When you Google

00:31:37.060 anything, like depending on the rabbit hole you end up down, you could end up down the rabbit hole of why

00:31:42.600 it's bad or, or why it's good. And, and so it's hard to discriminate between what to listen to. And so

00:31:51.140 it's led towards more and more emotional charge in the information that we get.

00:31:57.920 And Sean, there's a couple, can I just interject real quick? Cause there's a couple of people that

00:32:01.820 come to mind as you say that. So one comes to mind is Jordan Peterson. Jordan Peterson is brilliant.

00:32:07.760 Like, there's no doubt about it. He's brilliant. He's intelligent. He's brilliant. I don't, I don't

00:32:13.340 think that he's particularly well-spoken, but he certainly has a large vocabulary, but he is

00:32:18.280 brilliant. Brilliant. Well, when you listen to him, he's, he's taken concepts a lot from,

00:32:25.740 from philosophers, mostly young, and he distills that in a new way, a new way of looking at it,

00:32:33.840 a practical way, a way that resonates clearly with tens of millions, if not hundreds of millions of

00:32:39.160 people. So it's, yeah, you could say that information is already out there, but he's

00:32:44.820 distilling that information into a package that people appreciate. Another great example of that

00:32:49.660 is Ryan Holiday. Now we can talk about the politics and I know people will until we're blue in the face.

00:32:54.760 I disagree with a lot of his politics. And I think that some of the things that he says are

00:32:58.320 antithetical to what he says he believes, but regardless, he, he taught, he's Noah known as

00:33:05.540 the Stoic guy, right? But there's plenty of Stoics that have come before. And what does he do? He takes

00:33:10.500 Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius and other important Stoics, and he takes their information, repackages it,

00:33:18.560 puts it in a way that is convenient and digestible to a group of people, and then offers that. And I'm

00:33:25.840 actually, the way I'm saying it sounds like it's, it's negative about Jordan Peterson and Ryan Hall.

00:33:30.400 I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying they're offering a valuable service by taking information

00:33:36.000 that's hard to digest, consuming it, repackaging it and delivering it in a way that rent lands with

00:33:43.180 people. That's a very powerful service. And it's one that we're going to continue to see as being

00:33:47.460 important, especially when you say things like, and I agree with you that there's too much information.

00:33:53.160 So now you can be the middle guy. Hey, how do we take all this information,

00:33:57.760 strip everything that we don't need, repackage everything that we do and present it in a way

00:34:01.780 that will help you improve your life. That's all we're doing here with Order of Man too, by the way.

00:34:06.280 Yeah. Shocker. I let the cat out of the bag on that one.

00:34:10.420 Well, it's just so comical. Some of the, yeah, but it's so comical. Some of the stuff you see,

00:34:16.280 you know, if we're talking about the markets, it was, I forget what Elon Musk said. Like he's one of

00:34:21.920 those, right. Where literally giant companies, stock prices go up and down based on things he says,

00:34:29.060 just, he could say he did it with mining Bitcoin. When he, when he said, like, he said that the

00:34:34.860 mining conditions for, for Bitcoin are hard for the, for the guys mining the Bitcoin. And literally

00:34:41.780 it went down and people thought like physically there was guys in poor living conditions, mining

00:34:47.920 this stuff where he said it as a joke. And all of a sudden, you know, HUD aid or whatever these

00:34:54.000 mining companies like took a big hit in there. It's even more benign than that. I remember when

00:34:59.920 he took a, he took a hit, you know, some marijuana on, on Joe Rogan's podcast, you know, the markets

00:35:07.900 responded to that. Like, I mean, that's not an emotionally driven response. You know, it's not a

00:35:13.860 logical one. It's an emotionally driven response. It always is. Yeah. When people decided they didn't

00:35:19.520 like him anymore because he bought Twitter and was doing everything he was in the Twitter files

00:35:23.600 he made available and all of that and how it affected Tesla had nothing to do with Tesla at

00:35:29.760 all. They're still like fundamentally, they're killing it on paper. They have all these things

00:35:35.000 in the works. There's all this growth still there. They're selling more cars than anyone else in the

00:35:39.460 world. And they went from, I don't know, it was like 600 down to like 110 or 111 or something like

00:35:45.820 that for the stock price. It was giant, you know, and, and, and it just took this giant hit because

00:35:53.300 people don't like it really is what it comes down to it. You know, right now I guarantee you most of

00:35:59.020 the people that sold that stock or, or devalued it or whatever else, they weren't just looking at

00:36:06.020 fundamentals. Right. And it's, it's almost comical. You look at some of the stuff happening

00:36:10.720 out there. Um, there's a, there's a good book that I would suggest reading. Uh, and that is

00:36:17.420 influence the psychology of persuasion by Robert Cialdini. The very interesting one. Um, he goes

00:36:24.040 in and he studies different methods of con artists actually. And so some people say, Oh, you shouldn't

00:36:29.200 read that. Cause no, it like, he's just studying different methods by Connor. And you can actually use

00:36:34.520 those same methods in a moral high principled way. You don't have to use those things to take

00:36:40.440 advantage of people, but you should know them because you can use them to your advantage to

00:36:44.100 build your business or influence, which is why it's called influence. Um, or you can also

00:36:49.720 keep that information in mind to avoid being scammed and taken advantage.

00:36:54.100 Yeah, exactly. Well, look at one of the highest selling books of all time, how to win friends and

00:36:58.440 influence people. I mean, it's in the title, right? It seems like a weird title, but it's one of the

00:37:04.000 best books ever written for, for growing, being better, making impact. Yeah. Awesome.

00:37:12.180 All right. What's next one? Dirk. Oh my gosh. Don't have my glasses. Her Emma. I'm sure if that

00:37:19.460 was R N or M. I think it's M Dirk. Her Emma. How does one show themselves grace? This sure was a

00:37:25.340 downfall in my previous relationship that led to divorce. My ex-wife always asked why I was never

00:37:30.680 content with where I was and why I was always so hard on myself. I never had an answer for her and

00:37:36.080 I still don't, but what have, what I've realized is that some things are out of my control and I

00:37:41.400 actually don't need to be that hard on myself. I just don't know where to start. So how does one

00:37:46.900 show themselves grace? This is a question I saw. I saw all these questions, most of my thing. And this

00:37:52.500 is one that I saw, and this is one I actually really don't have an answer to. You know, I, and I,

00:37:58.140 and again, I told you, I'm going to try to be honest and lead with honesty and integrity.

00:38:03.220 And I could make up some bullshit answer about how you can afford yourself some grace. I don't,

00:38:07.640 I don't know, man, but there is one thing I do know. And, and that's a little shift in my mindset

00:38:16.580 about the way I view myself and take care of myself. And that is that I'm worthy of taking care of

00:38:24.900 myself. You know, that, that I'm, and I'm not just saying taking care of myself and all the

00:38:29.500 hard charging ways that we talk about, because those come easy to me. And I think those come

00:38:32.900 more naturally to a lot of guys physically, you know, you need to take care of yourself

00:38:36.100 financially. You know, you need to be providing financially. We know all that. And so we put a

00:38:41.300 lot of weight on our shoulders and I actually think rightfully so it should be on our shoulders.

00:38:44.980 And we put a lot of weight on our shoulders to ensure that we're physically fit, to make sure that

00:38:48.620 our finances are taken care of when they're not, we know it and we feel horrible about it.

00:38:52.740 And I think that we should have some shame and guilt about that because it'll drive us to doing

00:38:56.200 things different. But you know, there's, there's another aspect that I've overlooked for a long

00:39:01.320 time. And that is my emotional wellbeing and my spiritual wellbeing. And as I've thought about

00:39:09.480 my, my own personal failings over the past several months, and, and I look, I'll have more and more.

00:39:15.720 I mean, I know this isn't the end of my failings, but I know I'll have more is that I can afford

00:39:21.480 myself more grace because I know I'm worthy of being taken care of. And I know I'm worthy of

00:39:27.260 investing in myself, not in the things I've always invested in. I will continue to do that,

00:39:31.600 but I need to invest in my emotional health. I need to figure out why I feel the way I feel,

00:39:37.380 why I do the things I do. I got upset about something that, you know, I think I should be

00:39:43.100 upset about yesterday, but maybe I didn't handle it as well as I could have nothing horrible,

00:39:50.360 but in, in reviewing it, I'm like, Oh, you know, I could have done that a little differently. And I

00:39:54.640 will next time. Allowing myself to relax, allowing myself to experience painful things like sorrow

00:40:04.100 and grief and sadness and anger, trying to get closer to God and relinquishing some of, of my own

00:40:13.580 perceived sovereignty over my life and realizing, Hey, I don't have everything under control, but doing

00:40:18.180 my best to take care of myself, not just physically, financially, but the areas of improvement I've

00:40:23.580 needed have been the spiritual realm and the, uh, the emotional realm. And that has been helpful,

00:40:30.400 very helpful for me over the past little bit. It, um, you know, I, I saw this too, and I was trying to

00:40:38.820 think of, you know, I know a lot of people like what he's talking about. And what stands out to me is

00:40:47.280 that he is asking maybe him and her both kind of asked the wrong questions. And obviously it's too

00:40:59.740 late. Like one of the things that he said is that she always asked why I was never content with where

00:41:04.820 I was. And I think she worded it wrong. I mean, maybe that bothered her, but I'm assuming the reason

00:41:14.400 it bothered her is because he was putting so much time and effort into whether it was his business

00:41:18.980 or something. It just sounds like it was outside of her. And so he wasn't putting in enough time into

00:41:25.140 the things that she felt was important. Yeah, she might not have, but that's just from the question.

00:41:31.740 I just had that thought, like, you know, did, did it's just comes down to communication at the end of

00:41:38.440 all of it is because you're going to be one of the two. You're either going to push in people's

00:41:44.680 opinions too hard or not enough. I don't think anybody ever finds that perfect balance in between

00:41:49.180 the two. Um, you're either not going to push hard enough in someone's eyes, or you're going to push

00:41:54.600 too much. But I think the real question is like, I think we answered it in, in one of the earlier

00:42:00.820 questions is, um, placing an importance on your time. What's important, you know, what's more

00:42:09.200 important. And you mentioned spiritual and mental is, is for most people and we don't know we're

00:42:15.100 doing it. It's the last thing on our list of important things or too many other important things

00:42:21.080 to do. Yeah. Which it should be at the top of the list. And it's, and it's not unfortunately. And I,

00:42:27.080 I think that helps for both types, whether you don't push hard enough, or you maybe push yourself

00:42:34.480 too hard is still placing enough importance on those things so that it doesn't all blow apart

00:42:41.580 because you could get too extreme on either side of the spectrum. Of course. Um, and whoever you're

00:42:47.740 with, whether it's your business relationships in a marriage with your kids, whatever it is, um,

00:42:54.520 they're going to have different personalities too. And they're going to have different

00:42:58.340 expectations and things that they think are the way to do things. And so I think the importance

00:43:04.200 of communication in those things is also good. And I think the most important thing in here is how

00:43:10.540 he's not blaming her, you know, whether, whether she asked the right questions or he did,

00:43:15.980 you know, the thing I did like is that he doesn't seem to blame her that he's looking for a real

00:43:20.780 solution as to, you know, where he went wrong and where he can start to maybe fix some of those

00:43:27.480 things. My, my answer in that would be just to communicate better next go around, you know,

00:43:34.960 maybe ask deeper into those questions. Hey, you say I, I pushed too hard and I'm working too hard.

00:43:40.520 Why do you say that? You know, or maybe the next person that he's in a relationship

00:43:45.200 is the opposite. Maybe she pushes him even harder than he pushes himself and he finds himself,

00:43:50.380 you know, not being able to do good enough for her because she's even gnarlier than him.

00:43:55.160 Who knows? Right. But either way, you have to be willing to ask the right questions,

00:43:59.860 you know, as an, and get ahead of it if possible, you know, not, not do it when it's too late.

00:44:05.800 I do want to say that I think we ought to be careful of saying things like it's too late or the next

00:44:12.540 go around. And I think we need to be at, look, I'm not saying that you're going to reconcile your,

00:44:17.680 your relationship. It's not what I'm saying, but if you say it's too late, it adds a finality to it.

00:44:22.160 And it's like, well, it's done is done. Like, it's like, no, it's like, you don't have to look at it

00:44:26.560 that way. You know, maybe that relationship, uh, is, uh, what's it? John Kim talks about, he was on

00:44:33.840 my podcast has expired. I wish I had his book. I have his book. I think it's in the closet, but

00:44:38.120 he talks about relationships expiring as opposed to ending. It's just an interesting reframe. And

00:44:43.420 of course there's nuance to his definitions of it, but let's not put the final pin in everything.

00:44:50.020 And then if we say next go around, then I think what that connotates is that when you find another

00:44:55.960 woman or you're married again, then you'll fix it. No, like we have to fix it now. If we fix the

00:45:03.580 things now, our relationship issues now, the things, the baggage that we brought to the table

00:45:08.500 now, if we communicate more effectively with people now, then when that happens, we'll be in a much

00:45:14.300 better place to address that, or even be in the position to find love again. But if we're waiting

00:45:19.540 for like, Oh, the next time I'll do better. It's like, what about now? Like, what about today? It's

00:45:24.700 the same. It's the same thing when people say, Oh yeah, I can't wait till Friday, bro. It's Monday

00:45:30.280 morning. That's five days from now. Like I never understand. I don't know. Oh, I can't wait till

00:45:40.000 Friday. We need to change our lives around if that's what we're waiting for. So, so there's that.

00:45:47.100 The other thing is let's, let's assume that she did say that I'm going to give you what I think,

00:45:52.980 and I don't know, but what I think, or maybe what I would have you consider based on my own

00:45:58.300 evaluation of my struggling relationship. Maybe you can think otherwise, but I just,

00:46:05.080 let me throw this out here. Maybe when she said, why is it never enough for you? Maybe she didn't use

00:46:12.380 the right subject. Maybe what she actually meant was, why am I not enough for you?

00:46:20.300 Yeah. Now she might've said, why is it never enough? And what she might've meant was,

00:46:26.380 why am I not enough? Why are you out doing work? Why are you out serving these people? Why are you

00:46:33.900 out doing this when I want you here? I want you. Like, I know this about my own relationship.

00:46:41.340 And I would say is because I care about you. And so I'm out providing for the family and I'm doing

00:46:48.440 what I think is important. And also I have other goals and desires outside of our relationship that

00:46:52.920 are important to me. And now looking back, I'm like, you know, yeah, I have to put food on the

00:46:58.640 table, but maybe that did come at the expense of her. And I would say that she is enough,

00:47:06.500 but I didn't show it the way that she needed it to be shown. So think about that because sometimes

00:47:14.000 what, look, she may not have said that even, but if that's what she said, there may have been some

00:47:19.100 reading between the lines that we could have done a better job on. And I think it's important we look

00:47:23.900 at that because again, that will help as we grow and as we develop and as we mature in our ability

00:47:28.980 to have conversations and relationships with friends and significant others.

00:47:34.940 Yeah. Good point. Good stuff. All right. Next one is Adam Colin Sharp. It says how to have better

00:47:41.900 focus on a task or goal and not overthink. I tend to overthink too much, especially on some assignments I

00:47:48.060 have for law school. Yet I'm also trying to give myself some grace as a law student. And remember

00:47:52.860 that this is the season to practice and experiment what lawyers do. Well, look, I don't have that

00:47:59.440 problem. So my, my knee jerk reaction was just stop doing it. Yeah. Just take action. And I'm like,

00:48:07.000 that sounds right. But that's coming from a guy who doesn't overthink things. In fact, if anything,

00:48:11.620 I underthink things, I tend to, I tend to go a little soon. Uh, so yeah. How do you do that?

00:48:21.300 I think maybe, I don't know. I, I, man, some of these, I just don't have good answers for.

00:48:27.100 I might say that a good question you can ask yourself is, does this really deserve the weight

00:48:32.180 I'm giving it? You know, if you're going in for brain surgery and you're performing brain surgery,

00:48:37.740 probably overthinking it is probably a good thing. But if you're wondering if you should go to

00:48:44.480 Tony Roma's or Outback Steakhouse, probably just pick one. How do I know? You don't know it. And it

00:48:53.460 doesn't matter. It doesn't deserve the weight that you're giving it. So stop doing that. So I look,

00:48:58.920 I think that's what I would suggest to you. So you can begin to make your own decisions

00:49:02.340 on this, this weighted scale, the amount of time and attention I'm giving this,

00:49:07.640 does it deserve that? If it does. Okay. Fair enough. If it doesn't, then you need to start

00:49:13.960 making decisions more quickly and realizing that even if you do mess up and make the wrong decision,

00:49:20.360 if it, if it's not that important in the grand scheme of things, you can do that next time and

00:49:25.980 there's going to be a next time. So it's okay. Yeah. I think it's for him, it comes with the

00:49:31.820 territory. That's what lawyers do. They're paid to overthink. They're paid to overthink for,

00:49:36.300 for people that like me and like you that aren't going to do it for ourselves.

00:49:41.140 Get ourselves into trouble. You're there to rescue us and help us out of the trouble and the mess we get

00:49:45.660 ourselves into. But if it really bothers you that much, then practice and practice in little things.

00:49:52.360 Maybe it could be as simple as, and you, you led to this, just making decisions from the hip. Like

00:49:58.460 nobody wants a lawyer that makes his decisions from the hip, but if you need to practice taking

00:50:02.700 more action, it could be like, okay, what do I want for lunch? And you're with a group of friends.

00:50:07.260 Where do you want to go? I don't know. Where do you want to go? I don't know. Where do you want to go?

00:50:10.080 And it's 20 minutes later, you're still trying to figure out where to go. If you'd start being the

00:50:14.400 guy of, well, we're going to go to the salad bar, boom. And you just start walking with everybody in the

00:50:20.400 bar to go. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't go to the salad bar. No, right now. It's not the

00:50:27.380 salad bar. Go ahead. Proceed. I just had to interject with that there. But either way, you

00:50:33.500 like if somebody, Ryan might be in your group and be like, ew, but if you're walking and everyone

00:50:39.500 else starts walking with you towards that thing, Ryan might not totally like it, but it's at least

00:50:45.200 you made the decision. In which case I should have made the decision. Yes. Right. Like if I had a

00:50:49.460 problem with it, then I should have been the one that made a decision, but I didn't. So I'll have

00:50:53.220 to go along or eat by myself. And if he grumbles the whole time again, like you're, you practice,

00:50:59.000 you know, that that's, that's actually made it even better. Um, because that's why people don't

00:51:06.040 want to make decisions. Sometimes they're worried about what other people think they're worried

00:51:09.040 about. Is everyone going to like it? Is, is everyone going to feel good about my decision is right.

00:51:14.400 Which is no. And we already know, like, if you just know that the answer is not, everybody's

00:51:19.580 going to like this. Uh, some people are going to be upset. Some people are going to grumble

00:51:23.660 and you just know that then it's like, okay, well, yeah. Yep. Anything else is an unrealistic

00:51:28.920 expectation about how your decision is going to go. It's still your decision to make. So, and I'll tell

00:51:34.880 you this, you'll find more success in making decisions. And even if it's not the right decision

00:51:41.940 all the time, you'll find more overall long-term success in making more decisions than not.

00:51:47.960 I mean, that's what I see more than all the people that I've coached and mentored over the years,

00:51:52.560 the ones that are successful have made decisions and, and maybe failed more, maybe made mistakes

00:51:59.160 more. Um, but it's the guys who are afraid to make those decisions that don't ever achieve the

00:52:05.760 success that they want. Well, look, like, I don't know the numbers, but do you know how much money

00:52:11.420 I've wasted in mistakes in the past eight years? I would say hundreds of thousands of dollars

00:52:17.320 confidently, if not more, but I would say hundreds of thousands of dollars. Do you know how much I've

00:52:23.360 made over the past eight years? Tens of millions. So like, okay, it cost me some couple hundred

00:52:34.300 thousand dollars to make millions. Like that's a pretty good investment. I'll make that investment

00:52:39.900 all day long, you know? So it's typically not the end of the world, unless like you have a big case,

00:52:46.160 you know, then yeah, you should overthink it. But also you should get the advice of other qualified

00:52:49.760 people too, that can help you like, Hey, that that's a good decision. You made a good decision

00:52:53.020 there. Um, or Hey, you're overthinking this, or did you consider this? Those people will help you

00:52:58.300 to give you some, some, uh, frame of reference that you may not have on your own. And also remember

00:53:03.440 you're in law school. You're not defending Donald Trump right now. So this is your chance. This is

00:53:08.980 your best chance to make mistakes and, and make decisions and try things and, and navigate through it.

00:53:15.540 Right. Yeah. Yep. All right. Chris Dreitzler. I'm trying to help my oldest son. He's been struggling

00:53:22.160 a lot due to some issues with his biological mother. I have custody of both my boys with my

00:53:26.900 current wife and he feels abandoned by his biological mother. She's still in the picture,

00:53:31.580 but she never shows up for him in any ways in regards to his school or sporting events.

00:53:36.160 He feels that her daughters with her new husband always come before him. How can I best support and help

00:53:42.780 him through these tough times? He was confront, he has confronted her about it. And she always makes

00:53:48.280 excuses about why she can't show up for him. I think this is an opportunity for you to teach your son

00:53:56.040 about realistic expectations of others. And I also think it's an opportunity for you to help him

00:54:04.400 develop some grace and understanding about other people's scenarios. And it's hard and to,

00:54:11.220 to believe that your mother doesn't care about you. I don't have that problem. Fortunately,

00:54:15.720 I, I actually thought that about my dad. I don't believe that now, but I did when I was younger,

00:54:21.860 I thought that. So I know what it's like to be in this position, but I think this is a good moment

00:54:28.160 in time for you to be able to sit down with your son and say, all right, bud, you know, it's hard.

00:54:33.060 We have people that we love. We have people we care about. We have people that we want to build

00:54:36.400 relationships with. And they, for whatever reason, either don't want to, or can't to the degree that

00:54:42.740 we would like them to. And unfortunately that's beyond our control. That isn't anything that we

00:54:49.820 can control. You can't do anything. You can't say anything. There isn't some magical phrase. There

00:54:55.640 isn't some way that you could perform. That's a big one. Cause then we start performing for other

00:54:59.380 people. There isn't a way that you could perform. There isn't anything that you can do to get what

00:55:06.100 you feel like you want from your mother. And you really need to have a lot of conversations about

00:55:11.460 that is that her decision-making process is independent of him. And it's not, it's, it's

00:55:18.000 likely not connected. And there might be a little connection. I'll explain that in a minute,

00:55:21.360 but it's likely not as connected as he thinks. Cause what he thinks is she doesn't love me.

00:55:26.640 She doesn't care about me. Maybe, maybe she's angry with me. He's jumping to all these conclusions

00:55:33.440 about what she might be thinking. And that's probably not the case. Like if we're looking

00:55:38.540 at this as objectively as possible, it's probably not the case. So we need to explain that other

00:55:45.440 people's decision-making process cannot be dictated or controlled by what we do. That's one part of the

00:55:51.460 equation. The other part of the equation is letting him know that people mess up.

00:55:56.640 And people make mistakes and people have reasons for doing things and we don't have to like it.

00:56:02.080 We don't have to appreciate it. We don't have to understand it, but we should consider that maybe

00:56:08.640 she's distracted. Maybe she's trying to be a better mother than she was before, which is why she's so

00:56:15.920 focused on her kids with her new husband. Maybe there's guilt. Maybe she's just guilt-ridden

00:56:21.600 about how she treated your family. And it's so painful to confront it that she avoids it.

00:56:29.520 I would understand her wanting to do that if that's how she was feeling,

00:56:32.960 but it's an opportunity for you to explore the way that she might be feeling with a bit of grace

00:56:38.460 associated with it. And that she's making decisions the best that she knows how to.

00:56:43.280 And then outside of that, so that's part two of the equation outside of that is you and your wife

00:56:48.880 be the best that you can be for him. Show up, engage, be present. Hopefully your now wife is

00:56:57.140 doing the same. It sounds like she is, and she's a wonderful lady and let him learn about her

00:57:02.880 mothering him. And that might help fill that void a little bit. But again, I think that's the equation.

00:57:10.000 Number one, can't control others. Number two, we can afford that grace. Even if we're wrong,

00:57:16.640 like let's say we're completely wrong. And let's say she is just a real piece of work

00:57:20.920 and she's doing this out of spite and anger and vengeance. It could be, but even if we're wrong,

00:57:27.320 it's just better to operate under that mentality than to believe she's being spiteful. And then again,

00:57:33.240 the third part of the equation is for you and your now wife to be the support that he needs in his life.

00:57:39.260 Hmm. I, when I saw this, I just figured I'd speak out of experience. Cause I, I felt like your son.

00:57:47.080 So, and, um, and I'm talking Chris, not Ryan. Yeah. But, but I, that was me except my role was with

00:57:58.780 my mom. I was with my mom and my dad wasn't around and he'd started a new family. I was nine when he

00:58:06.340 married my step-mom and he did a fantastic job with my three brothers that they had together and

00:58:13.740 he was at everything and he coached their baseball teams and he did all that stuff. And I never had

00:58:20.180 that experience with him. He'd never, he'd like very rarely showed up to any sports and things like

00:58:25.520 that. And I used to have those conversations with my mom. And I'll tell you where my mom failed

00:58:30.100 is that she used to bash him. Uh, she used to say bad things about him. She used to say, see,

00:58:37.180 that's why, you know, he's a, he's a degenerate. He doesn't, he's not paying child support. He does,

00:58:43.380 you know, do these. And the thing is, is like, it didn't make me get more on my mom's side.

00:58:49.280 It actually, it, she didn't realize that it hurt me more than help me hearing her say bad things

00:58:55.980 about him. And, uh, and it made me respect her less also. So one advice I'd give you is never,

00:59:02.360 ever bad mouth her for doing it. Um, the two things I was going to say is never bad mouth her and

00:59:10.060 you always be there. You'd support him. You show him, you know, what it's like to parent somebody.

00:59:18.240 And then like Ryan nailed it when he said the same thing with your wife now and any kids that

00:59:25.500 you may have now or whatever the circumstance. But, um, you know, and then when I went, when I

00:59:31.400 was with my dad and I was with them and I was around, you know, I had to go see him. He didn't

00:59:37.440 come out to a lot of my stuff, but he was building a new family and I didn't understand it at the time.

00:59:43.100 I do now and I totally get it. And I used to appreciate my mom's hard work for, you know,

00:59:48.100 and she was, she didn't come to stuff either, but she was working two and three jobs at a time.

00:59:52.900 So that's why she couldn't show up to stuff. Um, and I didn't understand that as a young kid,

00:59:57.720 why it wasn't at anything, but when she said bad things, it, it, when I was around him, he was great.

01:00:05.000 When I was there every other weekend, when we would go places and when we would do stuff. And when I was

01:00:09.940 in that environment, it was fantastic. And what I started to realize is that,

01:00:15.260 oh, he does have a new life. You know, it, he does love me. It's not that he doesn't want to

01:00:20.480 be at this stuff. He's just got these other things. It still wasn't ideal. I still didn't

01:00:25.440 love it, but I understood it. And what I, what I loved the most, what I respected most when I was

01:00:30.980 with my dad is no matter what, he never said anything bad about my mom, you know? And, and he did

01:00:38.100 explain to me why he couldn't be at stuff. And when things would happen that were important to me

01:00:44.160 and, and, uh, he would just say, Hey, look, I'm sorry. You know, this is what's happening. And he

01:00:49.820 was honest with me, you know? And I don't know if your ex, I don't know if his mom will ever get to

01:00:55.540 that point with him, but all you can do is all you could do. Just support him, say good things about

01:01:02.620 her. I think Ryan nailed it. He took it even a step further. And not only do you not say anything bad

01:01:07.520 about her, but maybe help explain the circumstance to him, um, you know, and, and what she may be

01:01:15.320 feeling and help him out. Here's the thing. Ultimately, I don't think you're ever going to

01:01:19.540 totally help him. It's a void that he wants to be filled and unrealistically, maybe it, it won't,

01:01:25.260 but I think with time and with age and whatever else, you know, hopefully he'll figure it out. Um,

01:01:30.600 but if you can look back and have a good experience with you, that's all you, that's the best you can do.

01:01:35.320 Yeah. And I, and I also think that's why you need to be honest about it and say, look,

01:01:39.900 people are going to let you down in life. Like none of this fairy tale, fluffy BS. Cause it's not

01:01:45.900 real. You need to use this as a time to say, look, people are going to let you down. That is part of

01:01:51.720 life and you can get bitter about it. You can get upset about it. You can whine, you can complain,

01:01:57.420 you can put on a dance and performance for these people. And you're just not going to get what you want.

01:02:03.140 And the sooner he realized it, I don't know how old he is, but this, I think he said his oldest,

01:02:07.520 the sooner he realizes that I think the better off he he's, he's going to be, but it sounds like

01:02:13.180 you're doing awesome. The last thing I would say on this is let this be a reminder for those of us

01:02:18.820 who have children in these situations about the way that we should show up both when the kids are

01:02:24.380 with us and when they're not and how we should be treating their, their mother. That's their,

01:02:30.780 you loved her at some point. That's their mother. And they're going to be defensive,

01:02:35.020 even if she doesn't deserve it, they're going to be defensive. So you can create animosity and

01:02:41.040 contention if you want. I don't, I don't understand quite understand doing that, but I'm not in a

01:02:46.540 situation that's, that's toxic, uh, which I'm grateful for, or you can create a loving, empathetic,

01:02:54.620 kind, understanding, mature environment, which is what I want to create. And I think most of the

01:02:59.900 guys listening want to create that too. Yeah, I think they do, but I think unfortunately they

01:03:04.460 land in more of the toxic realm. Yeah. And I, and I, again, I'm not personally in that situation,

01:03:11.800 so I don't fully understand it. And it's easy for me to say, don't be that way. Look, but I've seen,

01:03:17.780 I've heard and seen some stories that man almighty would be very tough to do, but you gotta be tough.

01:03:24.580 I mean, that's what's required as a father. Yeah. Um, there's one, it's a book. It was

01:03:31.260 written by a guy named Art William. I don't even think it's in print anymore, but it was called all

01:03:34.820 you can do is all you can do. And all you can do is enough. And just like, that's always stuck

01:03:39.200 with me in any circumstance. That's there's when there's factors outside of your control,

01:03:43.520 you know, sounds like you're doing the right things and that's enough.

01:03:47.620 There's another quote. And I think this might, we were talking about stoics earlier. This might be

01:03:51.080 a stoic philosopher, but he says like, and I'm butchering this, but when, when we're concerned,

01:03:58.180 he says, are you worried? He says, number one, is, is there anything you can do about it?

01:04:02.200 Good. And there's no need to worry. Do that thing. If there's nothing you can do about it,

01:04:07.580 well, good. Then there's no need to worry because there's nothing you can do about it.

01:04:11.580 So either way, and look, like, well, wouldn't it be nice if we didn't have to worry, but we do.

01:04:16.840 And I understand, but it's just an interesting little reframe that might help us give,

01:04:20.300 give us some perspective. Yeah, that was good. There's one more question. It actually has to

01:04:26.000 do with stoicism. Okay. It's Steven Rager says, how do you explain to people stoicism and being

01:04:33.620 religious? One doesn't replace the other, but the two have a lot of overlapping guidance on right

01:04:38.860 living. You can be Christian or Islamic and be a student of stoicism, but not a Christian and

01:04:44.940 Islamic believer. Yeah. A lot of people ask that actually,

01:04:51.040 when we talk about stoicism in foundry inside the iron council, or we have somebody on the podcast

01:04:55.900 that might address the issue of stoicism. There's a lot of Christians who say that it's antithetical to

01:05:02.280 Christian theology. I don't, I actually don't know where I've had yet. I have not had anybody

01:05:09.140 explained to me where, where they conflict, like where, where, where the breakdown, where the divide

01:05:16.460 is, you know, as I understand Christianity, it's worshiping God and God alone and, and recognizing

01:05:23.140 his supreme authority and sovereignty over your life and over the world, over everything and everybody

01:05:29.400 that that's what I understand Christianity to be as far as our worship goes.

01:05:33.340 Stoicism that look, there's a lot of, there's a lot of facets of stoicism, but to me, the way that

01:05:41.000 I interpret stoicism is, is basically at the root is striving to understand yourself, your emotions.

01:05:50.760 So you're not reacting to those things. And then mainly focusing on the things within your control.

01:05:58.320 And maybe that's where the conflict is, is focusing on the things within your control. Because I think a

01:06:03.320 lot of Christians would say, well, nothing is in your control. And I don't believe that I'm a

01:06:08.480 Christian. I don't believe that. I believe that God has sovereignty over us. I believe that he has

01:06:13.660 his hand in all things. I believe that he knows everything from the beginning to the end. And there

01:06:20.080 is no end actually. Like I believe all of that. And yet I don't know the plan. This is okay. This is

01:06:27.060 what, this is where I think we have free agency. So now we'll get into a completely different

01:06:31.960 discussion, but it's one worth having. A lot of people say, oh, there's no free agency. There's

01:06:35.260 no free will. If God says or knows what's going to happen from now until eternity, then you have

01:06:41.860 no free will because it's already been mapped out. But I'll tell you why you have free will,

01:06:47.580 because you and I don't know the plan. If we knew what the plan was, I would say that some of our

01:06:54.320 agency would be stripped from us because we would know what we would need to be doing. We would know

01:06:58.500 where we would fall. We would know the consequence of every decision. And some of our agency would be

01:07:02.880 stripped from us, but God has given us that agency. It's one of his greatest gifts that we

01:07:08.620 get to choose for ourselves. And because we don't know what the plan is, we are freely deciding

01:07:15.320 our best course of action. So maybe that's where the conflict is. When stoicism says, focus only on

01:07:22.100 what's in your control. Christianity says nothing. I don't think it says that, but I think

01:07:26.760 people interpret it like that. Yeah. That nothing is within our control. So just throw up your hands

01:07:33.220 and do nothing about it. I mean, come on, really? Like, does it like people who've said that to me,

01:07:38.800 is that really what you believe that God says, Hey, I'm in control of anything, everything. So don't

01:07:43.600 worry about anything. Is that what you think God's saying to you? Cause I don't think that never once

01:07:48.400 believed that. But again, I don't know where the breakdown is. I think you can be a, a practitioner

01:07:54.080 of stoicism. I don't think it conflicts with Christianity. It's weird. It's like, you should

01:07:59.940 only study and worship, you know, the Bible really like you can't read anything else. You can't hear

01:08:07.860 from, I mean, when you go to church on Sunday, you listen to a pastor, for example, he's giving you his

01:08:13.020 own personal interpretation. Are you saying you shouldn't listen to your pastor? He's giving you

01:08:16.780 anecdotes and stories and experiences of his own life and what he happens to be going through from

01:08:21.340 throughout the week. Are you saying, because his story is not in the Bible that you shouldn't

01:08:24.820 listen to it? Of course not. We should listen to it. Now we should interpret it through the lens

01:08:30.320 of Christianity, but you should, you should listen to it. There's so much good. And there's so much

01:08:36.100 great information out there. And it's not only and exclusively in the Bible, it's other places.

01:08:42.640 And we should be looking for that because God has given us those, those lessons and those

01:08:47.020 experiences and those stories and those anecdotes and those opportunities to grow ourselves.

01:08:53.280 And if, by the way, if you guys are listening and you, and you, and you think that the conflict

01:08:57.360 is here between stoicism and Christianity, then share it in a respectful way, but share it with

01:09:02.660 me. Cause I actually, I want to know, I haven't seen where the conflict is. I would love to know if

01:09:06.140 there is one. Yeah. I agree with you. I don't think there is. I think there's,

01:09:09.860 I think stoicism is more lies in your, how you react to the circumstance around you than any other

01:09:20.020 thing. And, and I think that's what Christianity is as well. It's Jesus talked a lot about the

01:09:27.960 overreaction of things. That was, that was his challenge with the Pharisees was that they

01:09:35.560 overreacted to the law. And, and so he was trying to teach the new law of, okay, it's not just this

01:09:44.980 and this and that, like when he would heal somebody on the Sabbath. Right. And, and the, the, any of you

01:09:50.920 who has a sheep who falls into the ditch, you know, you would all help your sheep on the Sabbath.

01:09:58.200 So why would you not heal somebody? Right. And just so those kinds of things, you could say that's

01:10:04.200 stoicism really. It's the, it's the overreaction to circumstance. And that's where Jesus brought in

01:10:12.420 the higher law. So if you're saying you're a Christian, that's Jesus taught you to not

01:10:16.160 just make it black or white in all circumstances. And that's what stoicism is too, right? There's no

01:10:22.800 just black and white that sometimes there's gray area and, and you act accordingly, but either way,

01:10:29.280 you don't overreact or underreact to those things. And it's, it's kind of, when you were talking about

01:10:37.320 the way some people talk about Christian, it made me think of two things. It's the people that are

01:10:41.980 like, Oh, it'll all work itself out. God is great. And he'll provide, but then they don't do any work

01:10:48.500 to make those things happen in their lives. Like, like God never said, it's just going to show up

01:10:55.240 because you believe, you know, on the other end of that people think like, Oh, well I have grace

01:11:02.000 because I'm a believer because I believe I'm automatically forgiven. I don't think that's

01:11:08.140 true either. I think there's work that you have to put in. And so like, yeah, to just say you believe

01:11:16.320 is like, obviously that's important, but you also have to believe that you believe, right? Like

01:11:23.600 faith without works is dead. So you have to put in the work, you have to show

01:11:28.220 that you're willing to take action on those beliefs. Um, and so again, I think Stoicism just falls in,

01:11:37.520 into the realm of how we react to things and that's being taught. It's taught in Christianity,

01:11:43.080 it's taught in, uh, you know, if you're Muslim as well, it's taught in Buddhism. It's taught. I mean,

01:11:49.500 most of the major religions are, are taught to, they're teaching you to calm your emotions, uh, to,

01:11:59.160 to be in pursuit of being stronger emotionally. And that's what Stoicism to me, that's what Stoicism

01:12:10.900 is. Yeah. I mean, I hear from people who will say, well, you don't need to read Stoicism, just read

01:12:15.680 the Bible. That's fine. If that's what you want. Cause I think there are a lot of principles that

01:12:20.220 are overlapping. That proves the point. Like, of course, there's a lot of principles that are

01:12:24.420 overlapping, but I don't exclusively read the Bible. And if you do, that's fine. But you know,

01:12:30.040 sometimes I want to read about something else. Sometimes I want to be entertained. Sometimes I

01:12:34.280 want to laugh. Sometimes I want to be scared a little bit. You know, it's like, I want, I want a lot

01:12:40.540 of different things. And so, yeah, I, I read and put different things in to my mind. I'll, I'll just

01:12:47.320 say this last thing. And I, and I, I normally wouldn't share this, but I, but I think it's

01:12:51.140 important, especially as it relates to what you were saying about believing it'll all work out.

01:12:56.260 You know, I actually do. I believe that everything will work out in the end.

01:13:00.220 Me too.

01:13:00.960 But also we need to work. And so some of this, I'm hesitant to share this because I, like, I don't know,

01:13:07.360 I, I've shared more of my faith over the past little bit and I, and I think it's important,

01:13:11.080 but I'm, I'm still trying to find where that's appropriate. And some would say it's always

01:13:15.860 appropriate. And some would say it's never appropriate. So I'm trying to figure out what

01:13:18.980 it is for myself. But, you know, when I talk to God, part of what I talk about is that he helps me

01:13:26.300 to become an instrument in his hands to do good work. And that requires me to go to work.

01:13:33.480 Like I, it would be like trying to build a home, but putting the hammer on the ground

01:13:37.860 and not touching it and hoping that it miraculously, you know, I don't know, floats

01:13:43.360 through air and starts hammering nails into the, to the two befores that you're building

01:13:47.120 the home with. Like, no, the tool has to be utilized. It has to go to work, you know, or

01:13:52.760 a saw that the saw has to be sharpened. It has to be oiled. It has to be taken care of. And

01:13:58.020 then it has to be put to work. And then the other, one of the other things that I often talk

01:14:02.040 pray for and pray about is put people in front of me that need help. And really importantly,

01:14:10.420 because there's always people you can help. So more importantly than that is help me recognize

01:14:15.100 it because there's always people who need help. Like we're not at a loss of people who need help

01:14:21.940 around us. Sometimes we don't recognize it because we're too busy or too self-centered

01:14:28.040 or we're too judgmental about who those people are. So just help me recognize it and then be an

01:14:35.160 instrument the best that I can through your, through your guidance. So take that for what it's

01:14:42.180 worth. Yeah. And it's hard to recognize those things sometimes, right? It's like, you could have

01:14:48.420 a leaky roof and it's leaking on your face in the middle of the night while you're trying to sleep

01:14:53.000 and you get in a sleep and it makes you irritable and all these things. And, and, uh, and you could

01:14:58.060 be walking through your house the next day and you, one of your kids leaves a hammer out and you stub

01:15:03.860 your toe on it. And instead of like realizing, oh, look, I could grab that hammer and go maybe fix the

01:15:10.380 roof. You curse the fact that, oh, now this is happening to me too. Right? Like I stub my hammer on it

01:15:15.980 and my kids don't put stuff away. And I like, you could go one or two directions of like cursing

01:15:22.060 all the things that are happening in your life and how it's getting worse and worse when the actual

01:15:26.280 things that could help you are placed in your way. And you don't realize that they're there.

01:15:31.520 Yeah. Sometimes distance helps with that a little bit, right? Is distance and time. You know,

01:15:37.380 if you, if you extract yourself from the situation, you see things differently. And then over time,

01:15:41.420 you're like, oh, man, I remember that being really, really bad. But now I look at it. That's

01:15:46.900 exactly what I needed. You know, so distance and time. All right, brother. We had some great

01:15:51.620 questions today. Appreciate those questions, guys. A good, a variety of questions, some thoughtful

01:15:55.320 things to consider. Hopefully we gave you some answers. Uh, biggest thing right now, guys, is I

01:16:00.900 would have you check out iron councils closed. The store is currently and temporarily closed. Uh,

01:16:06.460 so biggest thing I'd have you check out right now is the 30 days to battle ready. So that's a

01:16:11.340 series of 17 emails over 30 days. They're going to help you figure out your vision, figure out what

01:16:16.600 you want to accomplish these next three months, uh, work you into some tactics, help you identify

01:16:21.340 what those things that you can do on a daily basis are so that you can check those out or check those

01:16:26.740 off, I should say, and move towards what you want. So if you want to check that out, you can go to

01:16:30.520 order of man.com slash battle ready order of man.com slash battle ready. Can they get the battle

01:16:38.500 planning app there as well? Or do they go to the Apple store or Google play or whatever it's called?

01:16:45.100 And you can get it there. Um, 12 week battle planner is the official name and you'll see the

01:16:50.160 order of man logo on it. So 12 week battle planner on Apple or Google play or Google store,

01:16:56.060 whatever it's called. And you'll be able to find it there. Awesome. Appreciate you. These

01:17:00.020 conversations always make me better. Always good. Likewise. All right, you guys, uh, we will be back

01:17:05.440 on Friday until then go out there, take action, come to man. You are meant to be. Thank you for

01:17:10.320 listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man

01:17:15.340 you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

01:17:19.640 you

Order of Man - April 12, 2023

How to Show Yourself Grace, Conflict Between Stoicism and Christianity, and Helping Your Children Overcome Unrealistic Expectations ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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