How to Stay Vigilant, Keeping Your Ego In Check, and Accepting the Uncontrollable ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
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Summary
In this episode of the Ask Me Anything podcast, host Kip Sorensen is running solo as Mr. Mickler is on Holiday with his family. In this episode, we discuss the importance of being a man of action and balance in your life.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Welcome to another episode of the Order of Man podcast.
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This is the Ask Me Anything. I'll be your host today, Kip Sorensen. I'll be running solo
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as Mr. Mickler is on holiday with his family. Wait, wait. I mean vacation. I actually posted
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questions for today's episode on our Facebook group at facebook.com slash group slash Order
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of Man. And of course, I got the backlash of why would I use the word holiday? I think I
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got crap from Bubba Downs, Chris Gatchko, Christopher French. All these guys are just giving me grief
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about saying the word holiday. And I know they're mostly joking, but they might be curious. So
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I lived in New York a few years back. And when I was living there, I had a consulting business and I did
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a lot of international consulting work. And whether good or bad, I picked up on the use of holiday for
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PTO or for vacation. And it just kind of has stuck with me since. So my apologies, guys. I am fully
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aware that I am an American and then that us Americans use the word holiday. So, or I mean,
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geez, I mean, you see, I'm even messing it up. I mean, vacation. So my apologies, Bubba. Thanks for
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giving me the razz. Anyhow, like I mentioned, ask me anything. We have some questions. We're
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fielding from the Facebook group to join us. Facebook.com slash group slash Order of Man.
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We'll jump right into these. There's some really great questions today. I'll do my best and we'll
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get into these. And I think that, I don't know, I think we'll be all edified and uplifted and not
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necessarily by my responses, but at least the dialogue or the thought provoking ideas that
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might come out of this episode. Um, and I would challenge each of you guys, how would you answer
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this question or what would you add to it and why is it important? So, uh, band with us on Facebook,
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uh, and whatnot. Of course I got my order man swag on. I got my new shirt from Brecken, um, from the
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store. You can get your swag as well by going to store.orderofman.com for that stuff. All right,
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let's hop into it. So Steven Zeller, what has, uh, what has the work with Ryan and order man done
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with you or for you personally and professionally? So first off I joined the ICGs. It's been a while.
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So I, I, I joined the Facebook group. I thought it was just a bunch of noisy guys complaining,
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uh, found out there was a podcast, started listening to the podcast, was immediately on
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board in regards to the movement that Ryan had created and wanted a band with him. So I joined
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the iron council. Um, I joined team alpha. Uh, my team lead was drew and it wasn't long. Uh,
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Drew could probably clarify, but it wasn't long for me to say, Hey, Drew, uh, I want more. What,
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what can I do to, to serve, uh, and to provide more value to what's going on here. And it wasn't
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shortly thereafter, uh, that I became a team lead, um, over battle team echo and it has been awesome.
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And that was years ago. And, and so what has it done for me personally? So banding with other guys,
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we ended up having conversations that we probably wouldn't have had normally. Um, we have monthly
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topics within the iron council discussions end up coming up and, and it really caused me to maybe
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consider things that I've never considered before. Um, that are just valuable, uh, the importance of
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balance in, in regards to what we're working on. Uh, one of the things that we deal on our battle plans
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is, is there's four quadrants we constantly work on and you don't neglect the other three because one
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of them seems more important right now that there's, there's critical mass around the balance
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of all those areas of your life at all times. And so that helped me personally in my personal growth
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becoming a team lead was huge. I found situations within, uh, the iron council as a team lead that
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showed up in the iron council before they showed up at work. And so I was able to mitigate those same
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risks in the workplace by learning on how to address it within the iron council. One of the
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things I tell team leads often is the world shows up in the iron council. And, and sometimes we have
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to remind ourselves to not make it bad. Like, Oh man, I got this guy on my team. Uh, he's not
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motivated. He's not doing his thing. And we might have a tendency to go like that something's wrong with
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that versus, okay, awesome opportunity for me to figure out how do I help a guy level up? That's
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not self-motivated or self-directed. Maybe I should kick him off our team. Maybe he brings us down. Is
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that good? Is that bad? Like the world will show up and, and the iron council ends up becoming a great
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environment where the stakes are a little bit lower and we could figure things out and make sure that
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we're aligned and we show up better, you know, maybe in our workplace or at our homes or within
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our communities, because we learned how to deal with that, uh, within the iron council. And so
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a lot of leadership stuff has shown up for me as a team lead. A lot of the dichotomies, uh, of
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leadership that Jocko talks about has shown up in the IC before they ever showed up at work. And so I was
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able to address those things ahead of time. Um, the other thing that, that I'd probably say is I found
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some passion, um, in the work that we do, um, in the iron council that I never realized was a passion
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of mine. Uh, and it has not just allowed me to level up better at work, but opportunities have
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now presented themselves in my work because of my interest and the voice I found for myself within the
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IC. So it's, it's really interesting how things have kind of evolved and opportunities have presented
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themselves based upon, uh, what I've helped Ryan do, um, with order of man. The, the last thing that
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has given me is some, an additional purpose and meaning. I think what we do here is critical. I think
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the conversations we have is critical. Uh, it's not just like a feel good, like, Oh, this is a great
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conversation and it might help a few people. No, this is like a major, very big deal. I'm, I am fully
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invested in what we're doing and, and just me have an opportunity to play my small part in this overall
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movement and, and the opportunity to stand for other men has given me, uh, additional, uh, purpose and
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meaning in life. And so it has been very impactful. Stephen, hopefully that, that, uh, addresses kind
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of the question that you're asking. All right. Sean, uh, O'Hara long question here, but we'll get into
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this while out in public with my family, wife and kids. It's our duty to protect them. Something I've
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been thinking about is this, should you always walk so that they are behind you? Your back is to them.
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Therefore you're unable to see anything that may happen, or do you find it okay on occasion to walk
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behind them so that they are in your view? I know that staying vigilant is always the key, but the
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fact is things can happen out of nowhere. And there are some advantages and disadvantages of both
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positions. What are your thoughts? So Sean, you're obviously asking my thoughts. There's probably an
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entire strategy around this that, that I'm not educated well enough to, to probably be the best
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person to answer this question. Um, but I'll share my thoughts around this. So I typically walk behind
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my family in public settings, unless there is a known danger in front. So I'll give you an example.
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Um, I'd been snow camping with my boys, uh, and we've been in some areas where I was a little bit
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nervous about avalanche for instance, uh, and the quality of the snow. And so in that example,
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I'm going first. Um, but if I'm walking around the mall or in public settings, I'm actually
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kind of corralling my children in front of me and I'm walking behind them. Um, I feel better at that
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because the flank behind us is covered, but I'm also looking way far ahead of them. Um, so cause you
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know, they're not paying attention. And so I think from that position, I have all my eyes,
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you know what I mean? All my kids, I understand who's where, you know, if someone's falling behind
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or not paying attention. So, you know, whether it's Disneyland or the amusement park here in Utah
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or universal studios, usually those kids are, are kind of in front of me. Um, mostly because
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the little brats will just go run off. If I walk in front of them, it's probably more so about
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crawling my children than it is about protecting them. But, but ultimately I feel better behind them
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and keeping my head up and looking further ahead and just kind of keeping them close and,
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and staying behind them. So for what it's worth, Sean, but I'm, I'm sure there's many more, um,
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what many more individuals that could probably answer that question more appropriately,
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especially those in the military and whatnot. So, uh, really not my forte, unfortunately. So,
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all right, Travis Perez Miller, how do you stop overthinking when everything is going good?
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So Travis, I'm going to look into this question a little bit, right? Like what's the problem with
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overthinking? I'm assuming there's a little bit of like overthinking as in negative connotation or,
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um, just looking for the wrong and everything because you added everything is going good. So why
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overthink it? Um, so for me, I think a lot of that comes down to gratitude and perspective.
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Um, and, and I'll give you some strategies, but let, but let me just share something I, I had with
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my kids the other day. So first off, it's obvious if it, Travis, if you haven't already figured it out
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by listening to podcasts that Ryan and I aren't, aren't two spectrums. Um, he doesn't overthink at all
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and he takes action and, and this is his words by the way. So I'm not being mean. Um, he'll,
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he'll joke around about, he'll leave collateral damage in the wake of his action, right? He's
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always an action first and then repair if there's any collateral damage on this, on the, on the backside.
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Me, on the other hand, I won't take any action. I'll overthink. I want it planned perfectly and
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et cetera. Now the drawback of my scenario is I may plan something so well. And then once I start
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working on it, I didn't know what I didn't know. And all that planning was actually just a waste of
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time. The other scenario is I overthink it and I never take action. So those are those obviously
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oversights that I need to focus on and realize that you just don't know what you don't know until
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you actually start taking some action and there's value and momentum in action. Uh, and you can have
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the perfect plan and it almost use it as an excuse not to progress forward because of a, some other
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fear, uh, of the unknown or, or whatnot. So there's obviously drawbacks to both. We need to always put
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ourselves in check, but when everything's going good, I think overthinking for me often, uh, puts me in a
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state of not appreciating what I have. And so thus my, my comment of gratitude and perspective is critical
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here. We just had this conversation with our kids literally yesterday. We had a kind of church on
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the beach and we were, we're talking with our kids about gratitude and, and I'll use an analogy and
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hopefully my son doesn't mind me sharing, but, uh, my oldest son is, is going, is going blind. He's
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legally blind already. Um, but he's losing his vision and, and it's, it's close to us as a family.
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And so it's easier to relate to. That's why I use him as an example. But I told my girls, I'm like,
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Hey, right now, Brendan only sees 5% of his vision, right? So he can't look at your eyes and your mouth
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at this point, which means that when we look out on the lake and we see this beautiful sunrise or sunset,
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he doesn't even get to grasp that whole thing, right? He, he doesn't get to appreciate the,
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as much as some of the beauties that we get to appreciate. And I told the girls, do you think
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if Brendan woke up tomorrow morning and he had his vision back, how do you think he would have woken up?
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They're like, Oh, he'd be so happy. It'd be ecstatic. And he'd just be like, Oh my gosh,
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like dad, I could see everything now. And he'd probably like the best day of his life.
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But yet we all woke up this morning with all of our vision.
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But we didn't wake up with the perspective of like, Oh my gosh, it's a wonderful day. I have my
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hands and I got my legs and I got my vision, right? We don't wake up that way. Cause we're not,
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we're not, we're taking for granted what we have. And so, um, so I told the girls like,
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this is critical. We, we have to pause and we have to actually realize how grateful life is.
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And, and one of the ways that I've done this in the past, I don't do it currently. Um, I probably
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should, um, is maintain a gratitude journal. So I, I kind of struggled with journaling for,
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for a long time. And so what I'd write is three things or, uh, two things that I'm grateful for.
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And I wouldn't be done journaling until I identified what it was and I wrote about it and why
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and expressed it. The other thing I think meditation does that for people having a kind of a morning
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ritual, um, or even listing out what, what are you grateful for? And maybe rereading that on a regular
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basis so we can kind of get centered. The other aspect of that is just perspective, right? I, I think
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overthinking has a tendency to, to be focused in the moment. Um, and, and sometimes it's valuable to
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sit back and like, look at the bigger picture and the bigger picture is not like the bigger picture
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of how something's going to get done. Maybe the bigger picture is that my garage being perfectly
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organized is not as critical as I make it out to be that in the grand scheme of things in,
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and you know, that I got five more summers left with my parents probably, right? Maybe that's
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perspective I need to be focused on or the perspective or the value of experience over
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organization or, you know, worldly, worldly things. So I would just really focus, um, look for those
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opportunities to have the proper perspective, more of an eternal perspective, uh, and focus on your
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gratitude. The other thing is keep in mind too, that the world is, is set up, um, to get you to
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overthink that, that life's not good enough, that you're not good enough, that, uh, you need the
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boat, you need the new shoes, you need the clothes, you need this, you need that. Like look at social
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media. It's all about what you need to be doing, not what you're doing or not what you have. Uh,
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one of the jokes I told the girls the other day is like, you know, how many YouTube ads have shown
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up to you that says, Hey, be grateful for today. Life's wonderful. And God loves you. And you're
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amazing. Have you ever read those ads? Like, have you ever gotten an ad like that on YouTube? No,
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it's all, you know, you need this toy or he need this thing. And, and happiness is going to show up
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for you if you do this, but you know, not in your current state. And so maybe look to eliminate the
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noise a little bit and, and filter out some of that stuff. That's kind of pulling us away from what,
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what ultimately is important. All right. Mickey Franks found out a six year old uncle of mine
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who was single and didn't have any immediate family besides his siblings tried to commit
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suicide fight by overdosing due to depression and loneliness. He'll be in a mental facility
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for the next two weeks recovering. How can I, as a nephew who grew up hunting, fishing, working with
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him, um, help him through this hard time. So Mikey, I, um, last night I was on my way home. Um,
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and I was reading a book, maybe I should pull the book up in case you want to make reference to it.
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In fact, let me just pull it up here. So the book, uh, Mikey that I was listening to was how to win
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friends and influence people by Odell Carnegie. And this book I'm really liking, uh, within the, I think
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the first or second chapter, they talk about how at the center of most people's fulfillment in life
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is the feeling of being important that it's, it's the driver. It's, it's what, uh, gets people to do
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their jobs. Well, it's what gives us self-esteem and purpose. Right. And I mentioned it even earlier.
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It's like one of the things about being involved in the order of man movement is it's a fulfilling.
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It gives me a sense of purpose and a mission. That's why I do it. Yeah. I'm not doing it from
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like a financial perspective. Right. Um, and so I would actually look to that, you know, your uncle
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obviously, uh, is in a position of loneliness, but maybe more so from a feeling of lack of purpose and
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mission, uh, of importance in people's lives. Right. Maybe the people that he did get that from are no
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longer around. And so, um, how could you help him? I would communicate with him, Mikey. I would focus
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on letting him know how much you appreciate him that, you know, you growing up with him and going
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hunting and fishing, what kind of impact that was in, in your life. Um, and, and just be there and let
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him know, um, and help him if there is a way, help him find mission and purpose in what he's doing.
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Um, I know that's a little bit harder. It's, it looks different for everybody and you, that's
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something that they have to, they have to create for themselves, I think. Um, but him letting you,
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letting him know of the role that he's played in your life and how that has impacted you. Um,
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and maybe even making future plans, things that he can look into a look forward to doing with you when
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he gets out. I think that would kind of give him some purpose to kind of stick around and,
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and have some guidance and direction. So, um, you know, my apologies, you know, uh, this is a tough
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time I'm sure for you and obviously for him and for you guys, his family, but I do think there's
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something for you to do there. Um, and it's really around just communicating to him on the impact that
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he's played in your life and maybe making future plans. So hopefully that helps. All right. Kyle
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Carpenter, why males over overwhelmingly prefer a Saturday favorite brewery to getting outside in
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nature. Don't get me wrong. Love a beer, but do hard things. Why the switch in society?
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So why the switch? Because society's approach by default is the path of least resistance and
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going to a brewery and drinking some beers is a hell of a lot easier than actually going on a hike.
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Even though we all know that doing on going on the hike with a group of other men would be more
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fulfilling. It's what's easy. So we do it all the time. It's the same reason why people don't work
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out. It's the same reason why we don't push the extra rep. It's the same reason why we probably
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don't excel in our businesses as much as we should, because we're taking the easier path.
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You know, so why, you know, I don't know how else to answer that question. I think it's just path of
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least resistance. Um, and you know, maybe, maybe Kyle, you need to level up man and say, Hey guys,
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you know, I'm not down for the brewery, but I'm down for this instead, or maybe go for the hike
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first, you know, and the reward, um, after the hike and, or a hard day something, um, is then going
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to grab a drink. So I don't know. That's my take. All right. Next question. Jeffrey Young. I have two
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teen boys who are on the autism spectrum. Uh, they sit in the house constantly playing video games.
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When we send them outside, they just take the games outside. So, you know, Jeffrey, this is a
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tough call, man. So for all the like disclosure here, I I'm in the camp where I hate the, I hate
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so many labels, you know, so, and, and, and almost to a fault, I'm sure like what I'm about to say
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might piss some people off. And, and I, and without a doubt, I'm probably wrong, but most people, I
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think latch on to like, Oh, my kid's autistic or they have ADHD. And we almost use that as an excuse.
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And I think a lot of people, a lot of kids aren't right. Or autism, you know, is just a label that
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like people grow into. And that's a whole other subject, right? So obviously you're, and I'm not
00:22:13.880
Jeff, I don't know. Right. But make sure that you're not doing that. Cause I think we should
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always put ourselves in check and say, Oh, wait, hold on a second. Like, am I, am I raising my kid
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into this spectrum right now that I have a label for him? And I actually like, you know, are justifying
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maybe them playing video games or them acting a certain way more often because they're in the
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spectrum. Right. So just put yourself in check a little bit, make sure that we're not doing that.
00:22:37.580
Um, so a few thoughts, number one, for those watching YouTube, uh, Jeff, you got to read this
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book, the boy crisis by Warren Farrell. Um, in fact, I would argue any, anyone that has a son
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should read this book. Um, there's an entire book on ADHD in here that I, or an entire chapter,
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I mean, solid content. Um, I dunno, I think it's critical. So one read that second, Jeff,
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you may not, you may not be able to say like rip the games out of their hands and go, Oh,
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go do this. Right. Cause then they're going to push back and go on and then they're going
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to complain. What you may need to do is say, uh, Friday afternoon, I'm coming off work late
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and we're spending the weekend camping and video games aren't coming. Like it might require you to
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get on their playing field at their level and do whatever acts with them. Right. Especially if
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they've been kind of really conditioned and like all they want to do is play video games all the time.
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Like they may need you to create the art of the possible with them and make a raft in some lake
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out in the middle of nowhere. They might need you to help build a dirt track for their BMX bikes
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and you know, whatever, right? Like it might require you to be boots on the ground with them
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to get them out of that habit of constantly just like playing video games. Um, and I think through
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that process, you create kind of this art of the possible that like, Hey, this is fun and I don't
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need my video games. Right. And, um, so I'd really focus on that. I think far too often, and I'm kind
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of projecting this on you, but I've seen this too often is where parents are like, Oh, they won't,
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they won't, but we're not doing it. But we expect our kids to do it because we told them to. So, um,
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you know, sometimes we, we got it, we got to show by example. Uh, and it's tough cause you may
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not have the time to do that, you know? And, um, and trust me, I I'm the same way. Like I have a
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tendency to demand things and yell at my kids to do a certain thing and not do it with them. But I
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more almost all the time, whenever I choose to stop doing what I'm doing and actually do it with them,
00:25:03.440
it usually goes a hundred percent better. So, uh, Jeffrey, hopefully, hopefully that's beneficial.
00:25:09.280
All right. Eric Kovach, you and Ryan, various others have often talked about one's ego being a
00:25:16.460
problem in people's lives. What are some steps that could be implemented to put one's ego in check?
00:25:24.740
All right. So let's, um, why? Well, first off I would get present on what is your quote unquote
00:25:33.320
ego getting in the way of what is it preventing you from doing? I think that allows us to reverse
00:25:39.020
engineer it and kind of see how the impact of it. If you're not obvious, if it's not clear
00:25:44.700
why an ego is negative, then you're not going to get on board with anything that I have to say.
00:25:49.380
So you got to realize the impact and why it's a big deal. Now, let me just generalize. Typically,
00:25:56.060
I think an unhealthy ego is an unhealthy belief in our importance, right? That I'm better than that.
00:26:03.720
I'm, I'm more than, you know, and a lot of it comes out from a little bit from like low self
00:26:10.180
esteem. So let me just use a jujitsu reference because the AMA wouldn't be the AMA unless I,
00:26:15.560
you know, of course talked about jujitsu. So if my ego is in play, then what happens is I sign up for
00:26:24.000
jujitsu. It's new to me and I go, I get my butt kicked and I eventually stopped going. Why?
00:26:30.300
Because it doesn't feel good to be inferior. It doesn't feel good for people to beat up on me.
00:26:35.420
It doesn't feel good to be a noob, to be the green guy that everyone just wells on. It doesn't
00:26:41.580
feel good. It feel much better for me to have this false sense of importance that I can go around and
00:26:48.060
defend myself and kick people's butt without really testing it and knowing if that's the case.
00:26:52.880
So I don't go because it damages my ego. I have an argument with my wife. We're working through,
00:27:00.300
we're disagreeing. She's right. I'm wrong. I know it. I don't accept it. Why?
00:27:04.540
Why? Because it hurts my ego. And so I'm willing to be stubborn. I'm willing to ruin trust in a
00:27:12.000
relationship with someone else because it doesn't feel good to be wrong. So how do we put that in
00:27:19.300
check? Always try to be a student. Maintain your humility. You don't know anything and you shouldn't
00:27:29.140
like stop like walking around thinking that like you should be superior in certain ways. Like no
00:27:36.280
one's ever going to pick up a new hobby. No one's ever going to learn new things if they're not humble
00:27:40.780
enough to actually learn. But if when we approach something from the perspective of I should know
00:27:46.140
this and so I'm going to be like smoking mirrors, I'm not going to ask the questions I should probably
00:27:51.000
ask because I don't want to look dumb. I don't want to look like I don't know. Well,
00:27:54.800
then you're never going to learn. And so we need to be humble. Always try to be a student
00:28:00.540
and try not to prevent like through this process, you know, try not to like put yourself in a
00:28:09.700
position where you're not constantly learning and challenging yourself. And what's interesting about
00:28:14.460
this is this is what people do that have like massive egos, but people that are like experts in
00:28:22.460
their industries, people that have a lot of wisdom and knowledge will be the first people to admit
00:28:28.020
like, I don't know, right? Like there's a lot to this. Like, let me investigate. Let me look into
00:28:33.380
this more. One of the things that I really liked Tom Bilyeu, he started Quest Nutrition. He was on the
00:28:40.280
Order of Man podcast, I think numerous times in the past. One thing that he says that I've latched onto
00:28:46.700
was focus on finding the right answer and not being right. Like let go of trying to be right,
00:28:56.020
but be the person that will find the right way or be the person that can find the right answer.
00:29:01.760
And that allows us the freedom to research, to look into and not have this perception of self that
00:29:08.740
like I'm right and everyone's wrong. Most things are so complex that there is no right and wrong,
00:29:14.220
that there's it's way more complex than that, right? And we kind of go around in our society,
00:29:18.780
by the way, and put labels on everything. Oh, that's right. And that's wrong. And this right.
00:29:22.620
And if I were president and that dude is way more complex than that, right? So we need to have some
00:29:27.560
critical thinking, realize things are a little bit more complex than they really are. Maintain some
00:29:32.740
humility and change your perception and be the noob. It's actually like quite refreshing.
00:29:38.940
If you think about it, if you're willing to be authentic and like, accept the idea that I don't
00:29:44.020
know this and actually be open in your communication. Um, so then that way you can have some rapid growth
00:29:50.640
in whatever it is that you're doing. And then I think the last thing is, you know, same thing with
00:29:55.840
our egos, right? And the best way I can think about it is like, try to relate how you interact with
00:30:04.900
other individuals where people maintain their, their ego and they don't admit when they're wrong,
00:30:12.720
that they don't, uh, let go of an argument that they don't let other people. Like think about those
00:30:18.660
scenarios and, and kind of put yourself in that same circumstance. And most of the time we respect
00:30:26.580
people when they admit they're wrong. We respect people that are willing to like say, Oh, you know
00:30:32.680
what? You're right. I'm wrong. Like we think more highly of them, but yet we walk around thinking
00:30:36.900
we can't do that. So I don't know, just critically think through that, make sure that we show up a
00:30:42.440
proper way, maintain that humility, um, you know, and, uh, build some self-confidence too. Cause I think
00:30:49.460
with confidence that ego kind of goes away to be honest with you. I think it's smoke and mirrors
00:30:54.560
most of the time. All right. Brennan Lamprich, uh, book recommendations besides wild at heart,
00:31:04.100
sovereignty, and as a man thinketh. So first off you guys that have not read wild at heart,
00:31:09.340
sovereignty, or as a man thinketh, you should probably read those books. But Brennan, on the
00:31:13.480
other hand, he's got that covered. These were really helpful. He says, and I'm looking for similar
00:31:18.720
reads. Thank you. All right. So I actually read this question. I actually jotted some,
00:31:24.700
some down ahead of time because I didn't want to go off the cuff. However, in hindsight, Brennan,
00:31:30.820
these were really helpful and I'm looking for similar reads. And then now I'm realizing that
00:31:37.460
these next book recommendations may not be similar reads. So while that heart sovereignty, well,
00:31:45.260
you know what? Sovereignty and as a man thinketh are in line while that hearts probably a little
00:31:48.700
bit more on the masculine side. So I, I kind of don't have recommendations around that in my list.
00:31:56.720
So here's the list. And I don't know where I pulled this list from. I just, these are the ones just on
00:32:02.680
my mind that, that may have made their way into my top 10, maybe, um, at least maybe the top 15 over
00:32:10.100
the last year. So book number one, too soon old, too late smart. The entire book is like, you just
00:32:18.540
pull out your highlighter and you might as well just highlight the whole, like the whole book.
00:32:22.360
It's just solid. That book's by Gordon Livingston. Next, Atomic Habits by James Clear.
00:32:29.000
Next, uh, the four agreements or the five agreements by Don Miguel Reese or Rios, Rios. Sorry, man. Uh,
00:32:41.360
and then the last is Un-F Yourself by Gary John Bishop. I love those books. Um, I don't,
00:32:49.080
I'm interested actually what Ryan would say. We'd probably agree on Atomic Habits and the four and
00:32:56.220
five agreements. I don't know if, uh, I mean, Jerry got, uh, Gary John Bishop was on the podcast as
00:33:02.400
well. Um, in fact, I didn't read that book until Ryan did an interview with him. And after that
00:33:07.820
interview, I was like, man, I got to read this guy's, this stuff. So I really liked that book a
00:33:11.980
lot. In fact, uh, I've read that book twice already. Atomic Habits, four agreements is just solid.
00:33:17.380
So anyhow, Brandon, hopefully those are beneficial. All right. Excuse me. Ethan foot. How do you help
00:33:27.780
others stop victimizing themselves and take life into their own hands instead of blaming others
00:33:33.580
for all of their misfortune in life? How do you help others stop victimizing themselves?
00:33:40.380
My answer is not like the answer we would all love to hear. I think we would all love to hear
00:33:49.620
a list of things, Ethan, that you can do and it will stop people from doing that whether they want
00:33:56.900
to or not. And the reality of it is that's not going to work. The reality of it is you can't change
00:34:03.240
people. And expect like certainly in, in this space, getting someone to go from victimhood to
00:34:11.900
ownership is not going to come from you like preaching at them, uh, and yelling at them or
00:34:19.400
anything. All that we can do is be the shining example. All that we can do is have our crap
00:34:27.920
together, have our house in order, be the prime example that of what ownership looks like,
00:34:36.040
um, and establish your relationship in a way where you're that light upon the hill.
00:34:43.400
And by putting yourself in that position, by trusting, uh, by having a relationship of trust
00:34:50.260
and caring between you and that individual that then puts you in a position to provide guidance and
00:34:56.400
direction for when that time comes. Um, but that time may be on there. It's on their side,
00:35:04.280
not yours. Right. Um, but I do want to point this out and outward mindset covers this by the
00:35:09.600
Harbinger Institute, how critical it is that we have an established relationship with people that
00:35:15.980
we genuinely authentically care. Um, and then we're in a position to provide guidance and direction.
00:35:21.940
But if we don't have that type of trust in a relationship, it doesn't matter. And so focus
00:35:27.240
on putting yourself in that position, focus on being the shining example. Opportunities will present
00:35:33.840
themselves where you can share some guidance and direction, but most importantly, you got to be in
00:35:39.300
that position first, uh, and to have that type of relationship with that individual.
00:35:43.620
Um, I think, yeah, I can't think of anything else. So, all right, Joseph masters. I become more
00:35:53.420
determined about joining the iron council now more than ever. What are some things to consider before
00:36:00.160
joining the iron council? What are the expectations from the iron council for a newcomer? All right. So
00:36:06.420
Joseph, uh, for those listening, not sure what Joseph's talked about. The iron council is our exclusive
00:36:12.600
brotherhood. Um, that's part of the order of man movement. You can learn more by going to order of
00:36:18.620
man.com slash iron council to learn more. Um, so what are things to consider before joining the iron
00:36:26.340
council? It's not a quick fix. In fact, I about said this to guys. So we have, we have calls, uh,
00:36:34.680
you know, weekly calls. We have all hands calls. We have a monthly topic. We hold each other
00:36:39.680
accountable. You're banding with other guys. You're placed on a team. Like this is what it
00:36:44.000
looks like. And one of the things that I didn't say it, but I, I was tempted to say it because
00:36:50.440
it crossed my mind. And I think it's valuable for this conversation. Yeah. We had new guys
00:36:54.840
introduce themselves last Friday. We have a handful of new guys last week and I wanted to share with
00:37:00.880
them. I said, I, I wanted to say, this is going to make no difference in your life unless you're
00:37:09.460
willing to level up in a way that you haven't before. So if you join the iron council, like,
00:37:15.880
Oh, here's my secret sauce. Right. And this is what I needed. Um, no, man. Like if you're not showing up
00:37:23.620
in life and kicking ass, then you can show up in iron council and float along and be shitty at this
00:37:30.840
too. So the challenge I'd put back to you, Joseph and Joseph, and to your point, Joseph, you asked
00:37:37.900
this question, a bunch of guys on Facebook, like replied, like, Oh, I'm wondering, I'm curious about
00:37:41.420
this too. Are you ready to get on the court in life? Are you ready? Or do you want to keep sitting
00:37:49.180
in the sidelines spectator, watch the game? Or do you want to play the game? So what's the
00:37:55.160
expectation for newcomers that you're on the court, that you're actually willing to put in the work
00:38:00.480
and that you're willing to level up? No one's going to force your hand. You're a man show up,
00:38:09.980
take on the, take on the responsibilities, honor your word, honor your commitments to your team
00:38:19.180
That's the expectation. Now, could you be in the iron council and float along and,
00:38:24.040
and, you know, go under the radar a little bit? Possibly it's, it's possible. So awesome,
00:38:30.340
but that sucks. That's mediocre. Don't do that. So show up in the IC, you get on a team,
00:38:37.500
you're expected to honor your word. You're expected to be maybe a little unreasonable to stop making
00:38:43.480
excuses and you're expected to stand for other men. So when you're ready to do that,
00:38:48.440
join us. And by the way, if you're not ready to do that, don't, because then you're wasting our time.
00:38:56.400
Tony Erzy, what is the best way to build on a victory to go to the next level?
00:39:03.000
Hey, Tony, nice. Miss you, Tony. I need to, we need to schedule a phone call and follow up. Tony was on
00:39:11.260
my team back in the day. Now Tony runs one of our teams in the iron council. Stellar, stellar man.
00:39:17.640
So Tony, you know, I think the best way to build on our victories is after action review. Like I can't
00:39:25.800
think of, I can't help, but think of like the biblical story of this too shall pass.
00:39:30.980
Um, and, and the idea, and I, by the way, I don't even think that's a biblical story. I've heard,
00:39:38.360
like, I've heard that story before and anyhow, that is a whole sidetrack. Anyhow, the idea that
00:39:46.020
this too shall pass, uh, is applicable to not just successes, but also to failures and, and not to get
00:39:54.360
too excited. Right. And, uh, rest on our, on our loyal, uh, to rest and like, you know, celebrate
00:40:00.780
our win too much. Right. Like this too shall pass. Like, awesome. We did good. What's celebrate
00:40:06.860
what's next. Right. And when we talk about the after action review, what went well, what did not
00:40:12.300
go well, what could we do better? What do we need to continue doing to sustain success? I'm about to
00:40:19.720
focus on that. And then that way you're making sure you're still learning. You know what I mean?
00:40:24.280
From, from the victory. Um, and I'm not saying you shouldn't celebrate it, right? Celebrate it,
00:40:30.360
but like also look for opportunities of how you could have doing a little bit better and what you
00:40:34.440
true up. Try not to add too much meaning to that. Like, Oh man, you're so negative, Tony. You just
00:40:39.080
want to focus on what's wrong. No, no, we just want to learn. Right. And so AR man, after action
00:40:45.660
review, I think that's really the next step. All right, Jake Barrett, uh, take the opportunity to
00:40:53.500
test for promotion for a career or invest more time in a side business desire to promote
00:41:00.560
one day, uh, the desire to be promoted one day, but side business is gaining traction now.
00:41:07.480
Okay. So like, what do you choose? Right. Test, uh, testing for a promotion, uh, in the career
00:41:13.480
side or side hustle grow, grow the side business. Um, first off, if you can, I do both. I mean,
00:41:21.940
I don't, obviously there's details here. You'll need to determine if you can do it,
00:41:26.860
but why not do both? So if you can do both realize there's a price, right? And is it going
00:41:31.600
to affect each other in a negative way and whatever? But if you can pull off both, I do
00:41:35.460
both. Um, if you have to choose, um, that Jake, I think the pulse here is which one lights
00:41:42.080
you up more, which one are you more invested in doing? Which one are you more committed to?
00:41:48.600
Which one just kind of gets you fired up and excited? Go for it. Um, you might be hesitant
00:41:54.600
to go after the side business more because, um, of quote unquote stability. Uh, you know what?
00:42:02.860
When, when your employment is more directly tied to your action and less directly tied to the
00:42:09.840
decisions of others, that's not called risk or stability or that is called stability, not risk.
00:42:19.960
I ran into this all the time. I had my own consulting company and I had some employees
00:42:24.620
that wanted to work with me that wanted to come on board and they didn't because they're like,
00:42:29.240
well, you're small consulting firm and I stability. And I'm like, okay, so you explain this to me.
00:42:35.040
Um, you can work for corporate America in a large machine and do awesome work and do amazing and get
00:42:43.160
laid off because some upper executive decided to cut off some branch of the company that you happen
00:42:49.600
to work in, or you can work for a consulting company and, and the probability of your employment
00:42:56.500
being affected by your work is like 80% and it's in within your control. That's a risk,
00:43:02.960
right? There's a lot of things that we put stability, um, and comfort in that's actually
00:43:10.720
outside of your control. I would rather rely on myself than rely on others. And so, and I don't
00:43:17.840
know if that's the case for you, Jake, but if it is get over that and, and find the stability in,
00:43:25.220
and actually your side business. And if that lights you up, man, I say, go for it.
00:43:42.160
All right. Next question. Justin, uh, Kilgan. Hey, Kip, first off, thank you for the podcast,
00:43:50.180
what you and the guys talk about and how you talk about business and life is changing my life.
00:43:56.660
Thanks, man. It's wild. Can you talk about your intentions being pure? How did you know they were
00:44:03.840
pure? I want success, money, and all that. I want to be stable for my family, but again,
00:44:09.760
I feel guilty when I want these things too. Is there a direction that someone can point me in?
00:44:16.520
How did you get to understand your pure intentions? So Justin, I think first off,
00:44:24.720
um, I, I think this is like integrity. I think it's constantly changing.
00:44:30.060
So I think one could get into something with pure intentions and then get off track and start doing
00:44:38.040
it because of ego, start doing it because of money, start doing it for all the wrong reasons.
00:44:42.560
And then, or I think it's a flip where I think one could start, uh, into a business with a lack of
00:44:51.820
pure intention and find pure intention in what they're doing. So I don't think this is, and maybe
00:44:57.660
that's a given, but I think this is something you have to constantly work for, like something you
00:45:02.880
constantly have to put in check and make sure your intentions are pure. And this goes for everything,
00:45:08.440
right? Like, am I trying to manipulate someone right now? What's my intentions of this conversation?
00:45:15.140
Why do I, am I doing this? Why am I recording this podcast? Am I doing this because I want to feel
00:45:20.400
important because I want people to hear what I say because I'm stroking my own ego or is what I'm
00:45:26.580
doing really in line and really pure with the intention of like standing for other people and
00:45:32.400
wanting to help them. And this is constantly in check, like, like constantly. And so I think we
00:45:39.700
have to always evaluate what we're doing and, and asking ourselves and having that internal dialogue,
00:45:46.620
like, why am I doing this? And it, and trust me, you'll get off track. Right. I, I remember,
00:45:53.240
um, yeah, I just shared an example. You know, I was having a little bit of a slump. Um,
00:46:00.080
um, and I was talking with a buddy and he's like, why are you so stressed out about this? And I'm
00:46:04.540
like, dude, I run my mouth on, on an AMA podcast roughly every week. And people ask questions. I
00:46:12.180
run my mouth about what they should do. And here I am. And I'm having a tough relationship with my
00:46:17.160
wife right now. Like I'm a hypocrite. I'm a punk, right? Like who am I right to be saying any of
00:46:26.100
things? And, and, and then he kind of grounded me. He's like, dude, people don't listen to you
00:46:31.220
guys always because you have it all figured out. Sometimes guys listen to you because you're
00:46:35.760
figuring it out because you're on the path. You're willing to share. And, and, and I lost
00:46:43.300
sight of that. Why? Because I want to be perfect, right? I want people to think that I have my shit
00:46:48.320
always figured out. And I, and so I have to put myself in check all the time at work, at home,
00:46:55.020
even on the mat. When I do jujitsu, why am I here? Am I here to learn? And this is that ego.
00:47:01.480
Am I here to learn? Am I here to feel superiority or gets another guy? Am I here to walk off the mat
00:47:07.400
thing thinking like, yes, you know, I'm better than someone else. Should my intention to be to
00:47:13.740
show up on the mat, to uplift my team members, to help them? Should that be my focus? Is my job,
00:47:21.280
the focus on my job to create an environment where my employees feel satisfaction, fulfillment in
00:47:27.500
their work or me? Am I in the iron council to stand for other men or am I in the iron council to look
00:47:35.140
good? I think these are constant things that we have to ask ourselves and, and, and don't.
00:47:44.080
Yeah. I think that's the answer, Justin. I think you have to constantly ask, why are you doing
00:47:50.640
certain things? And, and I think it goes back maybe as an actionable item is, is gratitude and
00:47:58.660
centered focus. Why am I doing this? And maybe you need to write a little affirmation thing of why,
00:48:05.660
why you're showing up at work, why you're showing up in the different areas of her life and why you're
00:48:10.000
doing them. So that way you remember, you don't lose track. Cause trust me, it's easy to lose
00:48:14.760
track. It's easy to focus on these things. I do this, me and my wife, we're just talking about this
00:48:20.660
now. It's like, you know, it's so easy for me to focus on work and like money, money, money, make more
00:48:26.660
money, make more money. It's like, why are we making money? Oh, so we can have freedom of, of time
00:48:33.540
so we can create experiences for my kids. But if I lose focus of that, I won't have experiences with
00:48:39.580
my kids cause I'm too busy making money. Right. And so I don't know. I think it's just pondering
00:48:47.560
and evaluating. Maybe you can put some systems in place around, you know, some, some things that
00:48:53.100
you read, whether it's journaling and whatnot. I think your vision is critical and, and being present
00:49:01.020
to your vision that you've put in place. So that way you don't lose sight of, of why,
00:49:05.460
why you're doing what you're doing. All right. Hopefully that helps. All right. We'll do a couple
00:49:11.020
more questions. Uh, Joshua Berkland was wondering if you could touch on radical acceptance for the
00:49:20.560
things we cannot control and how to make the most of what is in your abilities to change within our
00:49:26.460
lives. So the radical acceptance of things that we cannot control to be honest, Josh, I think,
00:49:33.180
or Joshua, I think we do this because it's the easy thing to do. It, I mean, think about it. It is so
00:49:39.980
much easier for me to sit back and think about all the things that's wrong with the world and complain
00:49:47.620
and moan about my boss, about my employer. That's not me doing that by the way, but, uh, my country
00:49:55.140
and the president and the politician and this and that, like, it's so easy to do. Right. And,
00:50:02.280
and by the way, you'll get reinforcement, right? You'll get all kinds of people enlisting, right?
00:50:06.540
You make a certain comment on Facebook. Oh man, I totally agree. And you feel good about it,
00:50:10.500
whatever. And you didn't do nothing. So I think it's actually just laziness. I actually think it's
00:50:17.300
just, it's easier thing to do to bitch and moan about something outside your control because you
00:50:22.020
can't do nothing about it. So it's a good thing to complain about. You don't see anyone complain
00:50:26.400
about, you know, I'll complain about things that they can change. Like, and even then we don't do
00:50:34.020
it, right? It's like, even then we don't take ownership. Oh man, I hate my health. It's so bad,
00:50:39.280
bad genes, you know, only if I had time, right? Like it all comes with reasons of, of why they can't
00:50:49.280
change it. I, I, it's just a cop, cop out. It's an excuse because if we complained about things that
00:50:57.420
we actually believed is within our control, then we would be out of integrity. And we need to
00:51:06.100
justify when we're out of integrity to be able to live with ourselves. So it comes with excuses
00:51:11.660
and that's why we do it. Um, that's kind of your question wondering, you know, why we do it or
00:51:19.560
what's my opinion of why we do that. I think it's that, I think it's as simple as that is, uh, we
00:51:25.140
don't want to, we don't want to confront what the reality is. And the reality of it is, is the majority
00:51:31.440
of our lives are maybe some of us, maybe even the majority, I don't know. Uh, our lives are mediocre,
00:51:38.740
are pathetic. Um, and they're not going the way we want them to go because of you. And we don't
00:51:46.860
want to accept that. So we focus on the things that we can't control so we can complain and make it
00:51:53.580
someone else's and pass the buck onto someone else of why our life's miserable. Sad actually,
00:52:01.400
if you think about it. All right. One more question and then we'll wrap up JC white.
00:52:08.740
Cap and sin. All right. Is there such a thing as too much honesty? I really liked this question.
00:52:17.540
That's why I jumped down to it. Cause I wanted to cover this before we wrap up today. Is there
00:52:21.860
such a thing as too much honesty? Here's my take. And this is kind of fun. I like this. No, there's not.
00:52:42.200
So let me say, Lord, what you think is honest or what you might think is truth may not be.
00:52:49.200
So when you go communicate something and you're being honest, are you, are you sharing your perception
00:52:58.120
of something? Are you sharing your meaning that you've placed around something? Are you sharing
00:53:04.800
your story or your judgment about something? Because the way you ask this question, I would
00:53:12.960
probably suggest that we do this. We ask this question because what we're sharing is not honesty.
00:53:21.040
It's our opinion. Now it's strong opinion or whatever, but it may not be true or it's more
00:53:28.360
complex than that. And this is where empathy comes in, right? It's so easy for us to judge,
00:53:35.700
to pass judgment, to say, Oh, you shouldn't be this way. Or there's no excuse or you, this
00:53:41.640
and you, that whatever. But do you know the full picture? And the reality of it is most of the time
00:53:47.400
you don't. So is that honesty? No, that's you jumping to a conclusion, making an opinion with
00:53:54.300
partial information. That's not honesty. That's your opinion. That's your perception of something.
00:53:59.760
I find it really interesting. And I remember in the early days, um, during my, I, during my divorce
00:54:08.840
and, and, and it's interesting looking back, what I felt was honesty was not, I was sharing my own
00:54:18.540
story. I was sharing my own burdens. I was sharing my own baggage and lumping it in, in my communication
00:54:27.000
to my wife. This is not true, man is like the furthest thing from the truth.
00:54:37.820
So there you go. There's my answer. Is there such a thing as too much honesty? I don't think so,
00:54:43.360
but we got to be very, very clear what is honest or what is truth and make sure that
00:54:51.200
we're speaking truth. And often most people can't speak it. Why? Because there's too many variables.
00:55:00.960
There's too much detail that you don't know. And so most of honesty is, I don't know. I don't have
00:55:08.440
enough information to make that determination or there's probably other things going on that I'm not
00:55:13.600
aware of. That's honesty. Honesty. A lot of it is unknown. All right. All right. I got to wrap up.
00:55:25.720
So, uh, thank you guys for submitting questions on the Facebook group. Once again, we had a couple
00:55:30.540
questions come up around the iron council. That's order of men.com slash iron council. Join us on
00:55:37.020
Facebook at facebook.com slash group slash order of men. And of course subscribe, share the message,
00:55:44.060
leader rating review, subscribe to the YouTube channel, get your swag at store.orderofmen.com.
00:55:52.400
I think if I had to paraphrase, like ultimately a lot of what we talk about and it was kind of
00:55:58.200
present in today's conversation is, you know, we got to get our, as, as Jordan Peterson would say,
00:56:03.060
we got to get our own house in order. The best way to rise up is for us to have our stuff together,
00:56:08.760
to take ownership, to be that example, um, and be in a position to be that lighthouse on the hill,
00:56:16.220
um, for others. And so thank you for banding with us, continue to band with us and share this message.
00:56:22.160
We appreciate you guys. We appreciate the opportunity to have this conversation. I appreciate this
00:56:27.420
opportunity that Ryan has given me, uh, to share my opinions. Uh, and until, let's see, we're on AMA.
00:56:34.440
So until, uh, Friday field notes, uh, with Mr. Mickler, uh, take action and become the man you were
00:56:42.300
meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your
00:56:47.040
life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.