Order of Man


If You're Going Through Hell ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats


Summary

When life knocks you down, you are not easily deterred or defeated. You are a man of action. You live life to the fullest. You embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path. You re not weak, you re strong.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.500 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler.
00:00:27.600 I'm your host of this podcast, the Older Men Podcast and Movement. I've got some things
00:00:32.820 going on this week, so unfortunately, I was not able to record, but I told you I'd get
00:00:36.760 you an episode every single week, including this, your Friday Field Notes. So what I wanted
00:00:42.300 to do with you today, or for you, I should say, is share with you one of our most popular
00:00:48.500 Friday Field Notes. So this is a replay, and the reason that I picked this one, which is
00:00:54.760 titled, If You're Going Through Hell, is because I'm receiving a lot of messages from guys from our
00:01:01.620 free battle-ready program. And one of the first things I ask these guys is, what is their biggest
00:01:06.960 struggle in their life right now? And I'm amazed and a bit heartbroken, and I feel for a lot of these
00:01:15.380 guys as they're dealing with difficult situations and difficult issues with their relationships and
00:01:24.080 with their business and finances and health and everything else in life that it has to offer you.
00:01:30.460 So this one, again, guys, is titled, If You're Going Through Hell, and in it, I cover seven key
00:01:35.700 strategies to help you get through what could be the darkest times of your life, knowing that there is
00:01:41.980 light at the end of the tunnel, and you can get through it. If you're interested in that battle-ready
00:01:46.740 program that I mentioned a minute ago, go to orderofman.com slash battle-ready. It's a free program,
00:01:52.060 and it's going to teach you a lot more about the seven strategies I share with you today. Enjoy.
00:01:57.680 All right, guys, let me talk with you about this important subject. Now, you probably saw the title
00:02:03.520 of this podcast, If You're Going Through Hell. It is, I believe, attributed to Winston Churchill,
00:02:08.560 who said, if you're going through hell, keep going. I know there's a lot of you out there who
00:02:14.280 are struggling. You're in a dark place. Maybe you're going through a divorce or a bankruptcy.
00:02:21.920 Maybe you've lost your business because of COVID and the reaction and response to COVID,
00:02:27.300 or you're having some health issues. There's a lot of things, guys, that could go wrong.
00:02:32.560 And all of us, from all walks of life, have been in dark places. I've been there. I had a time in my
00:02:40.180 life where my wife was no longer with me. We separated. I've been in financial hardship. I've
00:02:47.740 felt lonely and I felt depressed. And unfortunately, there's this stigma around feeling down and beat
00:02:55.700 up and depressed. And I don't want there to be that stigma. I know it's real. I know it's there.
00:03:02.560 I know we need to talk about it. But also, it seems like there's only certain ends of the spectrum.
00:03:08.260 Either we can't talk about men's mental health or we talk about it in this fluffy, fairytale,
00:03:15.420 over-feminized way. And when you're in a dark place, you don't want to hear it like that. At
00:03:20.180 least I didn't. In fact, I don't want to hear anything because you're so down and depressed and
00:03:26.560 in this dark place. And like I said, you're going through hell. I get it. But here's what I'm here to
00:03:32.200 tell you is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that it will pass, that this isn't
00:03:37.580 a permanent thing. There's a reason that you're here. There's a reason that you're experiencing
00:03:41.720 what you're experiencing right now. I don't know what it is. You probably don't know what
00:03:46.320 it is. And it's not that it's enjoyable or you're glad that you're going through this
00:03:50.440 by any means. But there is a reason. And if you choose to take this moment in time where
00:03:55.760 it's dark and it's depressed and challenging and you decide that you're going to come out
00:04:03.680 of this a better man because of it, then you will come out of it and you will be better
00:04:10.360 off for it. And you'll look at it not fondly, but you'll look at it as a pivotal moment in
00:04:19.280 time. If we were to zoom back, because right now you're zoomed into this moment where you
00:04:23.520 are, if you were to zoom back and look at your life on a broad timeline, you're going
00:04:29.820 to see that this is just a little blip. This is just a little bump in the road. And I've
00:04:35.420 got some strategies I wanted to share with you that are going to help you overcome this,
00:04:38.700 that are going to help you make this a more meaningful, significant blip moment in time
00:04:45.660 and to help you get yourself in a better spot quickly. And when I say yourself, guys, it
00:04:51.340 is your responsibility. It's your responsibility to get yourself out of this situation. There's
00:04:58.340 therapy that you can go to. There's friends you can surround yourself with. There's a lot
00:05:02.280 of things that you can do. I'm going to talk about them here in a minute. But the first thing
00:05:05.700 you need to realize is that it's your responsibility. It's your responsibility to do the things that
00:05:10.360 you need to do to get the help that you need to get and to get yourself in a better situation.
00:05:15.480 And isn't that what we all want as men? We all want responsibility. We all want to feel
00:05:21.080 important. We all want to feel like we're contributing and that we're capable of doing
00:05:24.980 things. And the first thing you need to be capable of doing is taking care of yourself. That's your
00:05:30.000 mind, that's your body, that's your soul. You need to take care of yourself. And when you start to
00:05:36.720 take care of yourself, you're going to get out of this place of desperation sooner and quicker.
00:05:42.480 It's challenging. It's hard. I know it is, but there's hope and there's optimism and there's
00:05:47.540 faith. You need to have faith that things will get better, that you can get better and that you
00:05:52.040 are capable of getting yourself out of this funk or this rut or this depression that you're in.
00:05:57.500 So I think the first thing I need to say is that if you're experiencing any sort of
00:06:01.340 mental health issues, even depression, suicidal thoughts, please seek medical help,
00:06:09.340 seek professional help, get the counseling, get the therapy. Don't make a permanent problem
00:06:16.220 out of this temporary situation you may find yourself in. Get the help you need. If it's
00:06:21.260 professional help, get that help. There's men here in the order of man. There's men here.
00:06:27.860 Generally, there's programs that are available to you and you don't have to feel like less of a person
00:06:34.060 because you're dealing with it. You know, a carpenter wouldn't feel less of a carpenter because
00:06:39.140 he had to use a nail gun instead of a hammer. No, he's using a tool that is at his disposal and he's
00:06:46.540 learning to use it effectively so he can create the effective outcome for himself. And therapy and
00:06:52.440 counseling and guidance, those are tools. They don't make you less of a man. It makes you more of a man
00:06:58.620 because you are using a tool effectively to produce a desirable outcome, which is to get
00:07:04.340 yourself out of this situation and to get back on the path and be productive and live the life that
00:07:10.620 you have a desire to live. So let's talk about these strategies. The first thing is guys, you got to get
00:07:16.400 out of bed. All right. I know if you're down, it just, it's easier to sit on the couch. It's easier to lay
00:07:21.520 in bed. It's easier just to sleep it all away, to hit the snooze button and to try to forget about all
00:07:27.160 this stuff. But it only compounds the problem. You're only going to feel worse. You're only going
00:07:32.160 to feel more worthless if you're sitting around and you're wallowing in your own self-pity and you're
00:07:37.860 not doing what you know you should be doing. You're hitting that snooze button. You're watching all the
00:07:42.860 shows and you're not doing anything. And I realize how hard it is, but you have to force yourself to do
00:07:50.640 this. You have to get out of bed. You have to give yourself a reason to get out of bed. You have to get
00:07:56.500 off the couch. You have to keep moving your body. Don't allow yourself to be idle. We've all heard
00:08:02.640 the term idle hands or the devil's workshop. That's true. The longer you sit around and you be lazy
00:08:10.220 and slothful and not productive, the worse you're going to feel. It's only going to compound the
00:08:16.820 problem. So please get up. All right. Set your alarm for six or seven o'clock or whatever time you set
00:08:23.180 your alarm for and put it away. So you're not hitting the snooze button. Think about what
00:08:27.840 you're going to do the next day. So you actually have a reason to get up. I'm going to address more
00:08:32.020 of this here in a minute, but get out of bed, get off the couch and get yourself into the game.
00:08:38.560 You being in bed and you being on the couch is like you being on the sideline. And I don't know
00:08:43.780 about you. I was an athlete when I was younger. I'm still relatively athletic now. I don't want to sit
00:08:49.720 on the sideline of life. I want to be in the game. Yeah. There's more risk to the game. There's
00:08:54.320 more challenge, but there's more reward and opportunity and feeling good about who you are
00:08:59.220 and being productive and contributing to the team. And that's what I want. And I think that's
00:09:03.640 what you want too. It's hard when you're not feeling like you should, but sometimes your feelings
00:09:08.640 are irrelevant to what you should be doing. So force yourself to get going. That's number one,
00:09:15.180 get going, get off the couch, get off your back, get off out of your bed and get going.
00:09:20.860 Number two, guys, we have access to incredible, incredible information. We've got books I can see
00:09:27.000 up here on my shelf. You're listening to this podcast. We've got these little devices right here
00:09:32.300 where we've access to information and entertainment and things that will edify and uplift us. Put the right
00:09:38.980 things into your mind because if your ideas are just bouncing around in your brain and you created
00:09:44.880 this little echo chamber in your brain, you have negative thoughts and positive thoughts. And as
00:09:49.540 soon as you say something positive, something negative comes up and there's an internal conflict
00:09:54.180 in your mind, you got to get new information in there to drown out the feeling of depression and
00:10:00.960 sorrow. So read good books, read self-help books, read As a Man Thinketh, read Man's Search for
00:10:08.580 Meaning, read my book, Sovereignty or Extreme Ownership, read entertaining books like Jack Carr's
00:10:14.720 Series, read The Resistance or I should say The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. So much great
00:10:24.540 information out there. Listen to this podcast. Go back into the archives and pull out something that
00:10:29.340 sounds interesting to you. We've had over 300 incredible men on this show. You don't need to
00:10:34.060 listen to all of them, but pick out the one that is significant to you. You know, listen to Jocko,
00:10:39.280 listen to Andy Frisilla, listen to Joe Rogan, listen to these people who are going to help you
00:10:44.200 with what you need to thrive and to win and to feel better and to be inspired and motivated.
00:10:51.060 I know there's this bit of stigma on the concept of motivation and inspiration lately. You know,
00:10:57.400 it's like, well, motivation, you don't need that. You need discipline. And yeah, you do need discipline,
00:11:01.960 but you know what? Motivation and inspiration has its place. All right. It has its place.
00:11:07.760 And if you being motivated or inspired, or you feel like you're getting a kick in the butt is what
00:11:12.000 gets you up off the couch and gets you back into the game, then motivation serves its purpose.
00:11:16.620 And you can be motivated. There's people who motivate you, inspire you, uplift you, edify you.
00:11:23.000 There's information that you want to hear or you want to learn. Maybe there's a new thought or a new
00:11:27.100 idea or a new hobby that you want to pick it up, pick up, jump on YouTube, look for a podcast,
00:11:32.080 pick up a book, go to the library and start engaging in this stuff. It's all there at your
00:11:37.580 disposal, but you have to use it. You have to utilize it. What good is a book other than something
00:11:42.220 to potentially burn and just like fuel for a fire if you're not going to actually crack it open and
00:11:47.760 read it and implement the words that are being shared with you? All right. Number three,
00:11:52.780 get around good people. You're going to feel lonely. You're going to feel depressed. You're
00:11:58.460 going to feel down. And even when you're around other people, you're going to feel that way. But
00:12:01.900 I promise you, there are people who care about you. There are people who care about you. You have
00:12:07.920 family members, you have friends, you have colleagues and coworkers, you have neighbors,
00:12:13.460 you have people that care about you. Be around those people. And it's not, you're not always going to
00:12:19.820 feel like it. All right. When you're down and depressed, you don't feel like being social.
00:12:24.220 You don't feel like going out there and being around other people, but it's going to make you
00:12:28.220 feel better. And you got to know these people care about you. They want you to win. They want you to
00:12:32.760 thrive. And so you just be around them, go where they go, go out to dinner with them, go to the game,
00:12:38.380 invite them over for a fight night and get lost in the company of good people. Go to, here's a great
00:12:44.520 one. Go to conferences. You know, now the conferences are opening up and people are doing events and
00:12:49.340 having these things happen. Go where you want to go, where, you know, there's good people around
00:12:53.960 and you can be around those individuals. You're going to be uplifted and edified and strengthened
00:12:58.260 by these individuals. You're going to have great conversations. You're going to learn new things.
00:13:02.440 You're going to pick up new insights and new ideas. And how could you not feel better if that's the
00:13:06.660 case? Again, it's easy to just slink in the corner, to get in bed, to get under the covers,
00:13:12.920 to turn all the lights off in the house, to sedate yourself with drugs and alcohol and pornography
00:13:20.340 and any other activities that you may engage in to numb the pain. Don't do that. Force yourself to
00:13:27.600 be in good environments that are going to uplift you and edify you and make you a better person.
00:13:34.000 All right. Number four, guys, exercise. Please exercise every single day. You know,
00:13:40.220 you hear guys say, oh, you need to work out three, three to five days a week and you need to eat
00:13:44.660 these foods. And look, there's obviously merit to that. But the biggest thing is that you're moving
00:13:50.560 your body every single day. I know that when I get up and I move, I go for a walk, I put a weighted
00:13:56.140 vest on, or I do some pushups or sit-ups, or I go into the gym or I participate in jujitsu that I just
00:14:02.660 feel better. Last night, I was feeling kind of down because I had, you know, a rough day, which is bound to
00:14:09.220 happen. And I was, and I was thinking, I even took a nap, which is not usual for me. So I took a nap
00:14:15.560 and I woke up and I looked at the clock and it was time for me to go to jujitsu. And my knee jerk
00:14:23.260 reaction is I'm not going to go to jujitsu. I'm not going to do that today. I don't feel like it.
00:14:28.620 And I sat in bed and I did exactly what I'm telling you to do. I got out of bed
00:14:32.980 and I went and I forced myself to go and I felt crappy on the entire ride to the gym. And I got
00:14:41.840 there and I started rolling and I started training and I was with the guys, which was the point I just
00:14:47.000 shared a second ago. And I left in such a better mindset and space than when I went. I felt so much
00:14:56.960 better because I forced myself to do it. I exercised my body. I exercised my mind. I kept
00:15:03.520 a commitment that I made to myself, which is also very important. And I felt better. And then I did
00:15:08.980 it again today. And I'm going to do it again this afternoon. I'm going to do it again tomorrow. And I
00:15:12.240 do it every single day because I know this is what gets me on the path I want to be on. So guys,
00:15:17.240 exercise your mind and body. All right. The next one, I think this is number five in my list here
00:15:22.420 is get lost in improving yourself. You know, every man wants to have a project, right? We all want to
00:15:28.700 fix things. We want to have a project. We want to make the environment better. We all want to do that
00:15:33.340 and to varying degrees, of course, and varying motivation to do it at certain times in our
00:15:38.820 lives. But you know what? Make yourself the project, fix yourself, focus on yourself, you know,
00:15:44.000 start to measure where you are with your body fat percentage and your weight and the things that you
00:15:48.000 know, or, or, or whether you're a novice or a beginner or an expert on a certain skill or
00:15:53.980 activity and make yourself the project, fix yourself, take pride in yourself, care about
00:16:00.300 yourself enough that you're willing to invest in who you are. You know, maybe you want to read faster
00:16:05.260 or you want to pick up the guitar or you want to learn how to deadlift more effectively. I don't know
00:16:10.360 what your thing is, but if you have any sort of inkling of desire to do something, then you ought to do it.
00:16:15.800 And by the way, when you get done with it, you're always going to feel better because you are better
00:16:19.700 after any training or practice, you are better. You're more capable now than you were an hour or
00:16:27.480 two hours ago before you started that thing. So make yourself the project. All right. Commit to
00:16:34.520 improving yourself, to getting better. And as you do that, you're going to put yourself in the right
00:16:39.660 space. So you're now forward thinking instead of either backwards thinking or trapped
00:16:45.680 where you currently are, because I think a lot of the depression and anxiety that we deal with as
00:16:50.440 men stems from thinking about the past and what we could have been done better or thinking about the
00:16:58.800 present and how we're not doing as good as we'd like to do. Well, I want you to be future oriented
00:17:05.820 where you start thinking about what could be. That's faith. That's hope. That's optimism. What
00:17:14.000 could be if you do the things that I'm sharing with you today? And that forward thinking is what's
00:17:20.860 going to get you out of bed and get you going and get you back on that path. Next one, guys,
00:17:25.820 commit to a cause. All right. There's causes and there's organizations and there's charities and
00:17:32.140 there's programs that are more important than you and more important than me as individuals.
00:17:37.560 And if you can find something meaningful and significant, something that you care about,
00:17:42.140 something that is a cause greater than yourself, that might be enough reason for you to get going.
00:17:48.780 You got to give yourself a reason because if you have no reason to get out of bed, you have no reason
00:17:53.000 to improve. You have no reason to get better. Well, you know, like, of course you're going to be stuck.
00:17:59.500 I don't want you to be stuck. So think about something greater than yourself. Now I've given
00:18:04.660 myself to this cause, which also happens to be my business at this point, but it's a cause. It's a
00:18:10.960 movement. It's important to me. And if I wasn't making any money doing this order of man thing,
00:18:16.180 I'd still be doing it because I think the mission to reclaim and restore masculinity is crucial in
00:18:23.280 society. And I'm uniquely qualified to spread this mission, to spread this word because of my
00:18:30.120 experiences and my desire to share and my perspective that I have. And this is the cause
00:18:35.140 greater than me. So when I don't feel like doing things and I want to wallow in my own self-pity and
00:18:40.260 I want to be, you know, downtrodden and, and, and act like a loser, I think to myself, no, I have work
00:18:47.140 to do. A lot of people will ask, well, Ryan, you know, like, how do you, how do you stay motivated
00:18:53.080 towards this thing that you're doing? Which is hard for me to understand because I've never really
00:18:58.160 needed to motivate myself because I found this thing that I'm so engaged and interested in.
00:19:02.880 It isn't like I need to, Oh, I need to get out of bed and do this thing. And I've never felt like
00:19:08.280 that because it's so powerful for me and so significant and so relevant that there's no need
00:19:15.500 for me to be motivated about it. Now you may not find that thing immediately. There may not be
00:19:19.920 something that's calling to you. Like this calls to me initially, there will be, but there's some
00:19:24.260 level of interest you have in something, engage in it, take the first step and see how you feel.
00:19:29.140 And if you feel better, take the next step and the next step and the next step and so on.
00:19:33.100 And I think before long, you're going to find some things that you're very passionate about
00:19:36.220 that are way more important than you. And on that same note, and this is the last point I want to
00:19:40.860 share with you today is that you need to learn to serve other people. It's hard to feel down about
00:19:48.020 yourself when you're actively engaged in worthwhile pursuits and you're helping other people improve.
00:19:54.420 Again, you're not always going to feel like it. And if you want to get yourself out of this
00:19:58.400 position, the way you feel about it is going to be irrelevant. All right. You can
00:20:02.820 go get involved in charities. You can go serve somebody else. You can mow your neighbor's lawn.
00:20:08.600 You can visit the old folks home. I don't know if you can, I guess, depending on your COVID
00:20:14.480 restrictions, but there's things that you can do to serve other people. And when you see
00:20:20.480 how rough other people have it and the things that you're going through, and you compare that
00:20:26.040 to yourself and the blessings that you enjoy, even though you may not initially feel like it,
00:20:29.940 it's going to give you a different perspective on the way you think about life and the way you think
00:20:34.340 about your own personal situation. You know, there's people who have it off way worse than we
00:20:39.200 do. And that's not to dismiss or downplay what you're going through right now. It's just to give
00:20:44.120 you some perspective that might get you out of the funk that you're in. And that's what I want.
00:20:48.920 That's what I want for you. That's what I want for men. I don't want them to be down. I don't want
00:20:53.440 them to be beat up. I don't want them to be downtrodden. I don't want them to be depressed.
00:20:57.220 There are studies that suggest that men commit suicide four to five times the rate of women.
00:21:04.260 I don't want that to be the case. I've had people in my own life who have taken their lives. And
00:21:09.860 my brother-in-law, in fact, is one. And all I could think is how down he must have been
00:21:18.920 to go that route. I don't want you to go that route. I want you to take a better route.
00:21:29.900 There is meaning and purpose in your life. You have to discover it. You have to uncover it.
00:21:34.880 You have to take responsibility for it. There's people that are here to help you. I'm here to
00:21:39.340 share a message to help you. There's counselors and there's therapy and there's friends and
00:21:44.060 colleagues and coworkers. Yes, all of that. But you first and foremost need to take responsibility.
00:21:49.380 So the question I have for you is if you're feeling like you're in this space right now,
00:21:53.040 is are you going to take responsibility for yourself? Are you going to take responsibility
00:21:58.120 for your life? Are you going to take responsibility for the feeling of depression and your ability to get
00:22:03.780 yourself out of this space? You can do it. I have faith in you. I have faith that things will get
00:22:10.180 better. There's hope. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. I want to help that thing get to you
00:22:15.320 quicker. That light get to you quicker. And you can do that if you implement these strategies and more.
00:22:20.660 So again, get out of bed, get going. Don't sit around. It's not going to serve you. Get up,
00:22:26.240 get you moving, serve other people, get out of bed. Number two, read books, listen to podcasts,
00:22:32.160 watch YouTube. Not for the things that are going to distract you. That's not what I'm talking about.
00:22:36.160 It's not distraction. It's edification. It's uplifting you. It's inspiring and motivating
00:22:41.260 you. If it's distracting, it's not helping. But if it's moving you towards a better outcome,
00:22:46.320 that's going to be helpful. Number three, surround yourself with good people, friends, colleagues,
00:22:51.540 coworkers, neighbors, acquaintances, family members, good people. They're out there. They
00:22:56.960 care about you. You may not feel totally like it, but I assure you they do care about you and they
00:23:01.760 want the best for you. Number four, exercise daily. It doesn't have to be the biggest
00:23:06.860 workout in the world. It could just be, I'm going to go for a walk today. I'm going to put a weighted
00:23:11.340 vest on. I'm going to do some pushups at the house. I'm going to go do an F3 program. Whatever
00:23:17.340 you can do to get exercising and get moving. Number, I believe this is five, get lost in improvement,
00:23:25.160 making yourself a project. Number six, committing to a cause greater than yourself. And ultimately,
00:23:30.380 number seven, learn to serve other people. All right, guys, there's a light at the end of the
00:23:35.440 tunnel. This will end and you can end it and you can help make that a reality. I have faith that you
00:23:41.140 can do it and I have faith that it will get better. Keep yourself engaged, stay strong, stay motivated,
00:23:47.620 stay in the game and get yourself better. All right, guys, let me know if you have any questions,
00:23:55.240 feedback, insight, things you need to share, get off your chest. I'm available mostly on Instagram.
00:24:00.100 That's where I'm most active at Ryan Mickler. And let's stay engaged in this, not only individual
00:24:06.200 fight for masculinity, but the greater fight for masculinity throughout the country and throughout
00:24:10.920 the world. All right, guys, we'll be back next week. Until then, go out there, take action and
00:24:16.340 become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready
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