Order of Man


If You're Going Through Hell… ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


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In this episode, Ryan talks about how important it is to be a man in a feminized world. He also talks about the importance of manhood and masculinity in a society that doesn t see men as anything more than a stereotype.

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Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.500 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler,
00:00:27.820 and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the Order Man Movement. Welcome here and
00:00:32.940 welcome back. If you don't know what we're all about, this is a mission to reclaim and restore
00:00:37.280 masculinity in this very degenerate, over-feminized, effeminate society. And I want to give you the
00:00:45.140 tools and resources and conversations to not only feel proud of being a man, but also being an
00:00:50.200 effective and capable man because we all have room for growth and room for development. So we do that
00:00:56.040 via this podcast. Specifically today, I'm going to share with you a couple of my thoughts, things
00:00:59.960 that I've been thinking about from throughout the week, but we have interviews and we do ask me
00:01:03.540 any things with my co-host, Kip Sorensen, regardless and how long you've been here. We're glad you're
00:01:09.120 here. Before I get into what I wanted to talk with you about today, I do want to make a mention. We have
00:01:13.860 a couple of events coming up this fall. One is sold out. That's our main event, but we're going to do
00:01:17.900 another one very soon. So stay tuned for that. Also, we have our father-son event. I know how important it is
00:01:25.300 that men are bonded with their boys. And I know how challenging it can be as well to raise good,
00:01:32.940 strong, righteous, capable men in this society that doesn't really want that. And there's a lot
00:01:37.820 of reasons why we've been talking about that for six years now. But what we want to do at this event,
00:01:42.460 which is held September 23rd through the 26th of this year here in my place in Maine, is give you
00:01:48.880 and your boys the frameworks, the network, the relationships, the conversations, the mindset
00:01:55.460 in order to usher your son into manhood and masculinity. So we push you guys mentally,
00:02:04.500 physically, emotionally. You're going to stay here on our property. You're going to stay in our barn.
00:02:08.860 We've got the barn retrofitted. We're going to be doing a lot of mental and physical work
00:02:14.020 to help you do just that, a rite of passage of sorts. So it's for boys between the ages of eight
00:02:19.940 to 15. Again, it's here on my property in Maine, very easy to get to. And it's September 23rd to 26th.
00:02:27.200 So if you're interested, you want to learn more, you want to watch a quick video about what it's all
00:02:30.380 about, you can head to orderofman.com slash legacy, orderofman.com slash legacy. All right,
00:02:36.980 guys, let me talk with you about this important subject. Now you probably saw the title of this
00:02:42.580 podcast. If you're going through hell, uh, it is, I believe attributed to Winston Churchill,
00:02:47.340 who said, if you're going through hell, keep going. I know there's a lot of you out there who
00:02:53.060 are struggling. You're in a dark place. Maybe you're going through a divorce or a bankruptcy.
00:03:00.620 Uh, maybe you've lost your business because of COVID and the reaction and response to COVID,
00:03:06.100 uh, or you're having some health issues. There's a lot of things guys that could go wrong.
00:03:10.620 And all of us from all walks of life have been in dark places. I've been there. You know, I,
00:03:17.280 I had a, uh, a time in my life where my wife was no longer with me. We separated. Um, I've been in
00:03:24.380 financial hardship. I've felt lonely and I felt depressed. And unfortunately there's this stigma
00:03:30.360 around feeling down and beat up and depressed. And I don't want there to be that stigma. I know
00:03:39.940 it's real. I know it's there. I know we need to talk about it, but also it seems like there's
00:03:44.720 only certain ends of the spectrum. Either we can't talk about men's mental health or we talk
00:03:50.820 about it in this fluffy fairy tale over feminized way. And when you're in a dark place, you don't
00:03:57.860 want to hear it like that. At least I didn't. I, I, in fact, I don't want to hear anything
00:04:02.880 because you're so down and depressed and into this dark place. And like I said, you're going
00:04:07.320 through hell. I get it. But here's what I'm here to tell you is that there is a light at the end of
00:04:12.900 the tunnel, that it will pass, that this isn't a permanent thing. There's a reason that you're
00:04:18.620 here. There's a reason that you're experiencing what you're experiencing right now. I don't know
00:04:22.960 what it is. You probably don't know what it is. And it's not that it's enjoyable or you're glad
00:04:28.140 that you're going through this by any means, but there is a reason. And if you choose to take
00:04:33.140 this moment in time where it's dark and it's, and it's depressed and challenging, and you decide that
00:04:41.080 you're going to come out of this a better man because of it, then you will come out of it and
00:04:48.000 you will be better off for it. And you'll look at it, not fondly, but you'll look at it as a pivotal
00:04:57.060 moment in time. If we were to zoom back, because right now you're zoomed into this moment where
00:05:02.140 you are. If you were to zoom back and look at your life on a broad timeline, you're going to see that
00:05:09.140 this is just a little blip. This is just a little bump in the road. And I've got some strategies I
00:05:15.140 wanted to share with you that are going to help you overcome this, that are going to help you
00:05:18.360 make this a more meaningful, significant blip moment in time, and to help you get yourself
00:05:26.120 in a better spot quickly. And when I say yourself guys, it is your responsibility.
00:05:32.640 It's your responsibility to get yourself out of this situation. There's therapy that you can go
00:05:38.160 to. There's friends you can surround yourself with. There's a lot of things that you can do.
00:05:41.920 I'm going to talk about them here in a minute, but the first thing you need to realize is that
00:05:45.560 it's your responsibility. It's your responsibility to do the things that you need to do to get the help
00:05:50.740 that you need to get and to get yourself in a better situation. And isn't that what we all want
00:05:55.700 as men? We all want responsibility. We all want to feel important. We all want to feel like we're
00:06:01.840 contributing and that we're capable of doing things. And the first thing you need to be capable of doing
00:06:06.580 is taking care of yourself. That's your mind, that's your body, that's your soul. You need to take care
00:06:12.500 of yourself. And when you start to take care of yourself, you're going to get out of this place
00:06:19.120 of desperation sooner and quicker. It's challenging. It's hard. I know it is, but there's hope and
00:06:25.400 there's optimism and there's faith. You need to have faith that things will get better, that you
00:06:29.880 can get better, and that you are capable of getting yourself out of this funk or this rut or this
00:06:34.680 depression that you're in. So I think the first thing I need to say is that if you're experiencing
00:06:39.240 any sort of mental health issues, even depression, suicidal thoughts, please seek medical help,
00:06:48.240 seek professional help, get the counseling, get the therapy. Don't make a permanent problem out of
00:06:55.600 this temporary situation you may find yourself in. Get the help you need. If it's professional help,
00:07:01.160 get that help. There's men here in the order of man. There's men here. Generally, there's programs
00:07:08.900 that are available to you and you don't have to feel like less of a person because you're dealing
00:07:13.480 with it. A carpenter wouldn't feel less of a carpenter because he had to use a nail gun instead
00:07:20.540 of a hammer. No, he's using a tool that is at his disposal and he's learning to use it effectively so
00:07:26.900 he can create the effective outcome for himself. And therapy and counseling and guidance, those are tools.
00:07:33.800 They don't make you less of a man. It makes you more of a man because you are using a tool effectively
00:07:40.300 to produce a desirable outcome, which is to get yourself out of this situation and to get back on
00:07:45.840 the path and be productive and live the life that you have a desire to live. So let's talk about these
00:07:52.400 strategies. The first thing is, guys, you got to get out of bed. All right. I know if you're down,
00:07:57.800 it's easier to sit on the couch. It's easier to lay in bed. It's easier just to sleep it all away,
00:08:03.260 to hit the snooze button and to try to forget about all this stuff, but it only compounds the
00:08:08.100 problem. You're only going to feel worse. You're only going to feel more worthless if you're sitting
00:08:13.360 around and you're wallowing in your own self-pity and you're not doing what you know you should be
00:08:18.360 doing. You're hitting that snooze button. You're watching all the shows and you're not doing anything.
00:08:25.560 And I realize how hard it is, but you have to force yourself to do this. You have to get out of bed.
00:08:32.200 You have to give yourself a reason to get out of bed. You have to get off the couch. You have to
00:08:37.340 keep moving your body. Don't allow yourself to be idle. We've all heard the term idle hands or the
00:08:42.760 devil's workshop. That's true. The longer you sit around and you be lazy and slothful
00:08:50.740 and not productive, the worse you're going to feel. It's only going to compound the problem. So please
00:08:56.560 get up. All right. Set your alarm for six or seven o'clock or whatever time you set your alarm for
00:09:02.720 and put it away. So you're not hitting the snooze button. Think about what you're going to do the
00:09:07.220 next day. So you actually have a reason to get up. I'm going to address more of this here in a minute,
00:09:11.560 but get out of bed, get off the couch and get yourself into the game. You being in bed and you
00:09:18.660 being on the couch is like you being on the sideline. And I don't know about you. I was an athlete when I was
00:09:24.140 younger. I'm still relatively athletic. Now I don't want to sit on the sideline of life.
00:09:30.160 I want to be in the game. Yeah. There's more risk to the game. There's more challenge,
00:09:33.960 but there's more reward and opportunity and feeling good about who you are and being productive
00:09:38.820 and contributing to the team. And that's what I want. And I think that's what you want too.
00:09:43.980 It's hard when you're not feeling like you should, but sometimes your feelings
00:09:47.440 are irrelevant to what you should be doing. So force yourself to get going. That's number one,
00:09:53.960 get going, get off the couch, get off your back, get off out of your bed and get going.
00:09:59.640 Number two, guys, we have access to incredible, incredible information. We've got books I can see
00:10:05.780 up here on my shelf. You're listening to this podcast. We've got these little devices right here
00:10:11.080 where we've access to information and entertainment and things that will edify and uplift us. Put the right
00:10:17.760 things into your mind because if your ideas are just bouncing around in your brain and you created
00:10:23.660 this little echo chamber in your brain, you have negative thoughts and positive thoughts. And as
00:10:28.320 soon as you say something positive, something negative comes up and there's an internal conflict
00:10:32.980 in your mind, you got to get new information in there to drown out the feeling of depression and
00:10:39.740 sorrow. So read, read good books, read self-help books, read as a man thinketh, read man's search for
00:10:47.360 meaning, read my book, sovereignty or extreme ownership, uh, read entertaining books like Jack
00:10:53.060 Carr's series, uh, read the resistance, uh, or I should say the, uh, art of, excuse me, the war of
00:11:00.940 art by Steven Pressfield. So much great information out there. Listen to this podcast, go back into the
00:11:06.640 archives and pull out something that sounds interesting to you. We've had over 300 incredible
00:11:11.400 men on this show. You don't need to listen to all of them, but pick out the one that is significant
00:11:15.500 to you. You know, listen to Jocko, listen to Andy Frisilla, listen to Joe Rogan, listen to these
00:11:21.440 people who are going to help you with what you need to thrive and to win and to feel better and
00:11:28.040 to be inspired and motivated. I know there's this bit of stigma on the concept of motivation and
00:11:34.360 inspiration lately. You know, it's like, well, motivation, you don't need that. You need discipline.
00:11:39.600 And yeah, you do need discipline, but you know what? Motivation and inspiration has its place.
00:11:43.960 All right. It has its place. And if you being motivated or inspired, or you feel like you're
00:11:49.620 getting a kick in the butt is what gets you up off the couch and gets you back into the game. 0.83
00:11:53.160 Then motivation serves its purpose and you can be motivated. There's people who motivate you,
00:11:58.720 inspire you, uplift you, edify you. There's information that you want to hear or you want
00:12:03.780 to learn. Maybe there's a new thought or a new idea or a new hobby that you want to pick it up,
00:12:07.820 pick up, jump on YouTube, look for a podcast, pick up a book, go to the library and start engaging
00:12:13.900 in this stuff. It's all there at your disposal, but you have to use it. You have to utilize it.
00:12:19.500 What good is a book other than something to potentially burn and just like fuel for a fire
00:12:24.740 if you're not going to actually crack it open and read it and implement the words that are being
00:12:29.620 shared with you? All right. Number three, get around good people. You're going to feel lonely.
00:12:35.780 You're going to feel depressed. You're going to feel down. And even when you're around other people,
00:12:39.580 you're going to feel that way. But I promise you, there are people who care about you.
00:12:44.440 There are people who care about you. You have family members, you have friends,
00:12:49.000 you have colleagues and coworkers, you have neighbors, you have people that care about you.
00:12:55.500 Be around those people. And it's not, you're not always going to feel like it.
00:13:00.080 All right. When you're down and depressed, you don't feel like being social. You don't feel like
00:13:03.720 going out there and being around other people, but it's going to make you feel better.
00:13:07.640 And you got to know these people care about you. They want you to win. They want you to thrive.
00:13:12.780 And so you just be around them, go where they go, go out to dinner with them, go to the game,
00:13:17.160 invite them over for a fight night and get lost in the company of good people.
00:13:22.720 Here's a great one. Go to conferences. Now that conferences are opening up and people are doing
00:13:27.500 events and having these things happen, go where you want to go, where you know there's good people
00:13:32.340 around and you can be around those individuals. You're going to be uplifted and edified and
00:13:36.580 strengthened by these individuals. You're going to have great conversations. You're going to learn
00:13:40.620 new things. You're going to pick up new insights and new ideas. And how could you not feel better
00:13:44.920 if that's the case? Again, it's easy to just slink in the corner, to get in bed, to get under the
00:13:51.340 covers, to turn all the lights off in the house, to sedate yourself with drugs and alcohol and pornography
00:13:59.140 and any other activities that you may engage in to numb the pain. Don't do that. Force yourself to
00:14:06.380 be in good environments that are going to uplift you and edify you and make you a better person.
00:14:12.780 All right. Number four, guys, exercise, please exercise every single day. You know, you hear guys
00:14:19.540 say, oh, you need to work out three to five days a week and you need to eat these foods. And look,
00:14:24.560 there's obviously merit to that. But the biggest thing is that you're moving your body every single
00:14:30.560 day. I know that when I get up and I move, I go for a walk, I put a weighted vest on,
00:14:35.860 or I do some pushups or sit-ups, or I go into the gym or I participate in jujitsu that I just
00:14:41.460 feel better. Last night I was feeling kind of down because I had a rough day, which is bound to happen.
00:14:48.340 And I was, and I was thinking, I even took a nap, which is not usual for me. So I took a nap
00:14:54.340 and I woke up and I looked at the clock and it was time for me to go to jujitsu. And my knee jerk
00:15:02.040 reaction is I'm not going to go to jujitsu. I'm not going to do that today. I don't feel like it.
00:15:07.380 And I sat in bed and I did exactly what I'm telling you to do. I got out of bed
00:15:11.760 and I went and I forced myself to go and I felt crappy on the entire ride to the gym. And I got
00:15:20.620 there and I started rolling and I started training and I was with the guys, which was the point I just
00:15:25.780 shared a second ago. And I left in such a better mindset and space than when I went. I felt so much
00:15:35.740 better because I forced myself to do it. I exercised my body. I exercised my mind.
00:15:41.760 I kept a commitment that I made to myself, which is also very important. And I felt better. And then
00:15:47.520 I did it again today. And I'm going to do it again this afternoon. I'm going to do it again
00:15:50.500 tomorrow. And I do it every single day because I know this is what gets me on the path I want to be
00:15:54.800 on. So guys, exercise your mind and body. All right. The next one, I think this is number five in my
00:16:00.480 list here is get lost in improving yourself. You know, every man wants to have a project,
00:16:06.600 right? We all want to fix things. We want to have a project. We want to make the environment better.
00:16:10.980 We all want to do that. And to varying degrees, of course, and varying motivation to do it at
00:16:16.820 certain times in our lives. But you know what? Make yourself the project. Fix yourself. Focus on
00:16:21.460 yourself. You know, start to measure where you are with your body fat percentage and your weight and
00:16:26.200 the things that you know, or whether you're a novice or a beginner or an expert on a certain
00:16:31.540 skill or activity and make yourself the project. Fix yourself. Take pride in yourself.
00:16:37.760 Care about yourself enough that you're willing to invest in who you are. You know, maybe you want
00:16:43.280 to read faster or you want to pick up the guitar or you want to learn how to deadlift more effectively.
00:16:48.640 I don't know what your thing is, but if you have any sort of inkling of desire to do something,
00:16:53.620 then you ought to do it. And by the way, when you get done with it, you're always going to feel
00:16:57.040 better because you are better. After any training or practice, you are better. You're more capable
00:17:04.180 now than you were an hour or two hours ago before you started that thing. So make yourself the
00:17:10.480 project. All right. Commit to improving yourself, to getting better. And as you do that, you're going
00:17:17.500 to put yourself in the right space. So you're now forward thinking instead of either backwards thinking
00:17:23.580 or trapped where you currently are. Because I think a lot of the depression and anxiety that we deal
00:17:28.940 with as men stems from, uh, thinking about the past and what we could have been done better or
00:17:36.680 thinking about the present and how we're not doing as good as we'd like to do. Well, I want you to be
00:17:43.040 future oriented where you start thinking about what could be that's faith. That's hope. That's optimism.
00:17:52.480 What could be if you do the things that I'm sharing with you today. And that forward thinking is what's
00:17:59.640 going to get you out of bed and get you going and get you back on that path. Next one, guys,
00:18:04.580 commit to a cause. All right. There's causes and there's organizations and there's charities and
00:18:10.920 there's programs that are more important than you and more important than me as individuals. And if you
00:18:16.660 can find something meaningful and significant, something that you care about, something that is,
00:18:21.640 that is a cause greater than yourself, that might be enough reason for you to get going.
00:18:27.460 You've got to give yourself a reason because if you have no reason to get out of bed, you have no
00:18:31.560 reason to improve. You have no reason to get better. Well, you know, like, of course you're going to
00:18:37.120 be stuck. I don't want you to be stuck. So think about something greater than yourself. Now I've given
00:18:43.440 myself to this cause, which also happens to be my business at this point, but it's a cause. It's a
00:18:49.740 movement. It's important to me. And if I wasn't making any money doing this order of man thing,
00:18:54.940 I'd still be doing it because I think the mission to reclaim and restore masculinity is crucial in
00:19:02.060 society. And I'm uniquely qualified to spread this mission, to spread this word because of my
00:19:08.900 experiences and my desire to share and my perspective that I have. And this is the cause greater than me.
00:19:14.580 So when I don't feel like doing things and I want to wallow in my own self-pity and I want to
00:19:19.700 be, you know, downtrodden and act like a loser, I think to myself, no, I have work to do.
00:19:27.400 A lot of people will ask, well, Ryan, you know, like, how do you, how do you stay motivated towards
00:19:32.240 this thing that you're doing? Which is hard for me to understand because I've never really needed to
00:19:37.380 motivate myself because I found this thing that I'm so engaged and interested in. It isn't like,
00:19:42.580 I need to, Oh, I need to get out of bed and do this thing. And I've never felt like that because
00:19:47.820 it's so powerful for me and so significant and so relevant that there's no need for me to be
00:19:54.820 motivated about it. Now you may not find that thing immediately. There may not be something
00:19:59.000 that's calling to you. Like this calls to me initially, there will be, but there's some level
00:20:03.340 of interest you have in something, engage in it, take the first step and see how you feel. And if you
00:20:08.240 feel better, take the next step and the next step and the next step and so on. And I think
00:20:12.160 before long, you're going to find some things that you're very passionate about that are way more
00:20:16.180 important than you. And on that same note, and this is the last point I want to share with you today
00:20:20.340 is that you need to learn to serve other people. It's hard to feel down about yourself when you're
00:20:27.760 actively engaged in worthwhile pursuits and you're helping other people improve. Again, you're not
00:20:33.900 always going to feel like it. And if you want to get yourself out of this position, the way you feel
00:20:38.320 about it is going to be irrelevant. All right. You can go get involved in charities. You can go
00:20:44.200 serve somebody else. You can mow your neighbor's lawn. You can visit the old folks home. I don't 1.00
00:20:50.480 know if you can, I guess, depending on your COVID restrictions, but there's things that you can do
00:20:56.280 to serve other people. And when you see how rough other people have it and the things that you're going
00:21:03.560 through, and you compare that to yourself and the blessings that you enjoy, even though you may not
00:21:07.720 initially feel like it, it's going to give you a different perspective on the way you think about
00:21:11.680 life and the way you think about your own personal situation. You know, there's people who have it off
00:21:16.480 way worse than we do. And that's not to dismiss or downplay what you're going through right now.
00:21:22.060 It's just to give you some perspective that might get you out of the funk that you're in. And that's
00:21:26.540 what I want. That's what I want for you. That's what I want for men. I don't want them to be down.
00:21:31.660 I don't want them to be beat up. I don't want them to be downtrodden. I don't want them to be
00:21:35.500 depressed. There are studies that suggest that men, uh, commit suicide, uh, four to five times
00:21:41.580 the rate of women. I don't want that to be the case. I've had people in my own life who have taken
00:21:47.000 their lives. And, uh, my brother-in-law in fact is, is one. And all I could think is how, how down he
00:21:56.800 must've been to, to go that route. I don't want you to go that route. I want you to take a better
00:22:07.640 route. There is meaning and purpose in your life. You have to discover it. You have to uncover it.
00:22:13.640 You have to take responsibility for it. There's people that are here to help you. I'm here to
00:22:18.120 share a message to help you. There's counselors and there's therapy and there's friends and
00:22:22.840 colleagues and coworkers. Yes. All of that. But you first and foremost need to take responsibility.
00:22:28.180 So the question I have for you is if you're feeling like you're in this space right now
00:22:31.440 is, are you going to take responsibility for yourself? Are you going to take responsibility
00:22:36.900 for your life? Are you going to take responsibility for the feeling of depression and your ability to
00:22:42.340 get yourself out of this space? You can do it. I have faith in you. I have faith that things will
00:22:48.820 get better. There's hope. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. I want to help that thing get
00:22:53.820 to you quicker. That light get to you quicker. And you can do that if you implement these strategies
00:22:58.780 and more. So again, get out of bed, get going. Don't sit around. It's not going to serve you. Get
00:23:04.460 up, get you moving, serve other people, get out of bed. Number two, read books, listen to podcasts,
00:23:10.960 watch YouTube, not for the things that are going to distract you. That's not what I'm talking
00:23:14.720 about. It's not distraction. It's edification. It's uplifting you. It's inspiring and motivating
00:23:20.040 you. If it's distracting, it's not helping, but if it's moving you towards a better outcome,
00:23:25.120 that's going to be helpful. Number three, surround yourself with good people, friends, colleagues,
00:23:30.320 coworkers, neighbors, acquaintances, family members, good people that are out there. They care about you.
00:23:36.540 You may not feel totally like it, but I assure you they do care about you and they want the best for
00:23:41.440 you. Number four, exercise daily. It doesn't have to be the biggest workout in the world. It could
00:23:47.960 just be, I'm going to go for a walk today. I'm going to put a weighted vest on. I'm going to do
00:23:51.060 some pushups at the house. I'm going to go do an F3 program. Whatever you can do to get exercising
00:23:58.980 and get moving. Number, I believe this is five, get lost in improvement, making yourself the project.
00:24:05.360 Number six, committing to a cause greater than yourself. And ultimately number seven, learn to serve
00:24:10.860 other people. All right, guys, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. This will end and you can
00:24:16.440 end it and you can help make that a reality. I have faith that you can do it and I have faith that
00:24:21.040 will get better. Keep yourself engaged, stay strong, stay motivated, stay in the game and get yourself
00:24:30.340 better. All right, guys, let me know if you have any questions, feedback, insight, things you need to
00:24:35.840 share, get off your chest. I'm available mostly on Instagram. That's where I'm most active at Ryan
00:24:41.200 Mickler. And let's stay engaged in this, not only individual fight for masculinity, but the greater
00:24:47.020 fight for masculinity throughout the country and throughout the world. All right, guys, we'll be
00:24:51.460 back next week. Until then, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.
00:24:56.820 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life and be
00:25:01.860 more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.