Order of Man - Impactful Challenges for Men, Achieving and Maintaining Excellence, and Making Hard Choices

00:00:00.000 two questions are what do you want to get by being here and what are you willing to give up which is

00:00:06.160 kind of a spin because usually it's like what are you going to do we talked about what are you

00:00:09.200 willing to give up in your life in order to have what you want here and in life as a man it's our

00:00:15.200 job to take what we what we have our resources to share those with the world so it's not i don't

00:00:22.320 and i'm not saying you're saying this but it's not enough just to answer those two questions

00:00:27.120 you have to answer them and then you have to teach other people those questions and help them answer

00:00:31.680 it for themselves you're a man of action you live life to the fullest embrace your fears and boldly

00:00:37.200 chart your own path when life knocks you down you get back up one more time every time you are not

00:00:43.280 easily deterred or defeated rugged resilient strong this is your life this is who you are this is who

00:00:51.040 you will become at the end of the day and after all is said and done you can call yourself a man

00:00:57.360 all right guys well if you're listening this we have two audiences today we have the 25 or so guys

00:01:02.080 here at the uprising event so this will be different from the people who are listening to the podcast so

00:01:07.840 what we're going to do on this ask me anything is kip and i are here live with these guys we've been

00:01:11.680 here for 55 days oh yeah it feels like 55 days but 55 hours or so with these guys running through

00:01:20.480 different scenarios from jujitsu to shooting and ice baths but we've had a lot of deep and meaningful

00:01:26.160 conversations to address the mental the emotional the spiritual side of what it means to be a man as

00:01:30.960 well so uh the way we're going to run this ask me anything is these guys have questions we don't know

00:01:36.320 what they are so just like we don't typically know too often i have time with our regular ask

00:01:42.240 me anything so unless you have anything kip we'll just jump right into it today no it's it's been an

00:01:47.200 awesome weekend stay tuned when we have future events they're going to be amazing they're always

00:01:52.720 impactful i've been to so many and and maybe just a thank you to all the guys participating on the

00:01:58.080 podcast today you know first night was just kicked off perfectly it was raw it was real we got deep

00:02:06.000 on some great stuff and and the tone of the event is often based upon your guys's willingness

00:02:13.600 to connect with one another and be open and have the conversation and and you've done that well well

00:02:19.360 i think it's so important that we as men do get together because it doesn't really happen all that

00:02:22.880 often you know it's usually happens by default you have a co-worker or a neighbor or a family member

00:02:28.320 but there's no real intentionality behind that but when we get guys like this 25 of us here

00:02:33.040 it's intentional you guys are here for a reason everybody else is here for a reason and we know

00:02:37.440 there's a purpose behind what we're doing so this is a really powerful more men need to take advantage

00:02:42.160 of not only these events but just getting together as men in general with a purpose i think our first

00:02:47.200 question joe you have our first question hey i'm joe so um in terms of exercising what's your take on

00:02:52.880 rest day do you have a scheduled day during the week or do you act accordingly based on how run

00:02:57.520 down you may be feeling i don't i don't take a quote unquote rest day i would i would more of an

00:03:03.600 active recovery so there i'm not going to go as hard as i need to every single day so i train five

00:03:09.040 days a week and it's typically strength training is what it is uh and then on my weekends it's active

00:03:16.000 recovery so i might go on a hike i might go on walks um i might just jump on the trampoline with my

00:03:21.200 kids but it's very active even on the weekends so i guess technically you could say it's it's rest but

00:03:26.720 it's it's active rest so i'm not beating myself up but i'm still doing things yeah very similar

00:03:33.040 i'll do yoga on sunday that's my rest day and i hate doing yoga and i feel bad going to the gym

00:03:39.680 so i'm like well i'll just do yoga downstairs so but yeah i me i don't feel like i ever reached to

00:03:45.600 a point where i'm like i need to recover i i don't know maybe i'm weird i love being sore i like being

00:03:52.240 sore i like it when i can't walk downstairs when my chest is hurting still i enjoy it so i i prefer

00:03:58.880 to go to the gym and keep shredding things and feeling sore i don't know but i don't know i think

00:04:04.400 though too you do need to listen to your body i i had a i had a jujitsu injury where i actually

00:04:09.360 ruptured my my pec complete rupture and i was training four days a week but there were certain

00:04:15.840 times where i'd go twice a day so i was training like six to eight times a week and i was getting

00:04:21.680 beat down i was getting run down and i kept going and kept going and then i don't know if the the

00:04:26.240 physical injury was a manifestation of that but it was certainly here and i i just did something dumb

00:04:32.880 and pop and then i was out of the game for three months not just jujitsu but just about everything

00:04:38.640 else so yeah listen to your body but also the the trick is is that you we're really good at deceiving

00:04:45.520 ourselves so you might say oh i deserve a break or i'm feeling a little sore so maybe i'll take it

00:04:51.600 easy that's up to you to determine whether or not it's it's a truth or a lie yeah and and usually i

00:04:58.960 think the stories always show up in the moment of decision and and so if the clarity of the night

00:05:05.120 before was i'm gonna work out in the morning that's the commitment i don't go back on that

00:05:11.280 commitment come 5 30 and i go oh wait i need a rest day no no that's that's absolutely deceiving so if

00:05:18.640 the plan was to go to the gym you go to the gym and and that's kind of how i've used it if it's an

00:05:24.000 intentional like tomorrow i'm going to rest that's how you know that you're being at least a little bit

00:05:29.040 more strategic and not just you know um whipping out wimping out it's a family show is it is it i

00:05:40.560 mean yeah but uh no i i there's another one other thing i'd say on that is there is we hear about

00:05:49.200 don't go through the motions i actually think sometimes like going through the motions is what

00:05:53.200 you can give so if you're going to go to the gym and you're thinking about not going no go and go at

00:05:58.640 70 percent 80 that's better than not going wimping out is that what you say now whipping out yeah yeah

00:06:04.160 cool hey guys i'm scott um i want to thank you guys too for putting on a an awesome event it's been

00:06:10.640 great um my question is out of all the things that you guys teach in both iron council and or man what

00:06:18.960 do you feel like has the most impact on men what one factor has the most impact on men no what one

00:06:25.360 thing you guys teach what we teach yeah i think i'm trying not to be uh just go with the standard

00:06:34.400 answer but we've talked a lot about sovereignty this this week this weekend and i think if we could

00:06:41.520 really embrace the concept of complete ownership over our lives without outside influence and i'm

00:06:47.920 talking about financial like alan just talked about like i don't want to be enslaved to credit card

00:06:52.880 companies i don't want to be enslaved to a boss like for example if a boss came to me an employer

00:06:58.640 came to me and said hey i would like you to do this and whatever he's asking me to do is going to

00:07:03.760 jeopardize my morals i want to be in the financial position to say no i quit but how many of us and

00:07:10.960 i've been in situations where you actually would jeopardize your standards and your morals because

00:07:15.680 you weren't in the financial position to say otherwise so it's crucial that we learn to free

00:07:21.360 ourselves and i'm not i'm not an expert at this i just know this is the path but to free ourselves

00:07:27.120 from financial burden from the opinions of other people from physical burdens you know we a lot a lot

00:07:34.000 of medical conditions that could be resolved you know that could be worked on i think sovereignty is

00:07:40.160 is the greatest lesson is the greatest takeaway your ability to lead yourself yeah sometimes we and i and i

00:07:49.040 think the word is still sovereignty but we'll package it up with with moments in our lives i mean we've

00:07:56.080 had these conversations right i i've had the conversation with you i've shared around a time

00:08:01.280 in our lives where we didn't get present to the idea that the life that we had was our creation

00:08:09.200 that it was the byproduct of maybe how i was raised it was a byproduct of uh my family and my

00:08:16.000 upbringing or my spouse or my boss and i was a victim of all these things and i think that is a

00:08:23.680 hard pill and i and and lately i've been kind of running my mouth a little bit and and i realize

00:08:30.160 whenever we say this in in particular areas where it might sting for people i realize i need to have a

00:08:36.000 little bit more empathy because that is really hard if that's not an easy thing to say

00:08:42.720 to really believe that you're and i'm not saying this towards you scott or anyone else they but

00:08:49.200 possibly that your mediocre marriage is mediocre because of you that your kid is struggling with

00:08:56.400 their self-esteem possibly because of you and that's so hard to accept that man once we deal in reality

00:09:05.360 and we take that on then that also means we can do something about it i think that still is sovereignty

00:09:13.280 but it's sovereignty in the sense of how i'm showing up in the world and i'm not being acted upon by

00:09:19.200 anybody else and and the way things are going it's up to me i i mean you say it's hard i actually don't

00:09:26.480 think it's that hard i mean i understand i think it's confrontate it's it's a hard pill it is but if you

00:09:32.080 do it enough it's not like i i don't really have personally i don't feel like i have that issue

00:09:37.440 but it's because of what you said if i if i think something's your problem or your fault

00:09:42.720 then i have to wait for you to change your behavior in order for me to for my life to improve

00:09:48.800 and with all due respect i'm not really willing to wait on you or anybody yeah and that's the problem

00:09:53.840 when we say oh my wife's a bitch or my boss is an asshole or the economy this i don't want to wait

00:09:59.280 on those people to do what i think needs to be done so i have to take control of it and that's

00:10:04.240 empowering not frustrating to me but i i get where it's challenging and we're all different breeds and

00:10:10.480 i just sometimes we would rather be acted upon and wait and hope yeah and and take the easy route and i

00:10:18.080 think human nature is to take that easy route yeah unfortunately i agree i agree thanks trevor stevens

00:10:25.360 here shout out to battle team corsair question for you ryan and kip during times in your life when

00:10:30.880 you are winning but you feel like it is not enough to reach that next level what questions have you

00:10:35.840 asked yourself or what tactics have you implemented to reach the next level uh you're you're talking

00:10:41.360 about being complacent right because you've achieved a certain level whatever that level is and now you're

00:10:46.720 coasting i feel comfortable yes yeah yeah for me one thing i've realized is is i'm very aware of what

00:10:53.360 even could potentially go wrong because there really isn't a cruise control so if you've reached

00:10:58.400 that level at a minimum there's a maintenance that's required to stay at that level whether

00:11:03.840 we're talking about physical fitness or financial or business or even relational there's some sort of

00:11:08.880 maintenance required but when we coast we're not even doing maintenance and so we're slipping behind

00:11:14.560 and so i've asked myself what is the cost you know if i've achieved some physical goal that i had what

00:11:22.480 is the cost of not continuing well for me it could be example to my children it could be medical

00:11:28.240 conditions and complications i can deal with it's even a lack of focus and clarity for other aspects

00:11:33.760 of my life that are important so i i think we've talked about the carrot and the stick the carrot is what's

00:11:40.640 going to propel me forward the stick is what's going to keep me from falling behind and i think both are

00:11:45.920 appropriate in certain times and i think everybody operates a little bit differently so some people

00:11:52.240 really operate better knowing there's a real consequence to you not showing up in a powerful way

00:11:58.000 and other people are more aspirational where they're not even worried about that

00:12:02.080 they're more concerned with what is next what what can i have

00:12:05.120 uh my good friend pete roberts with origin he talks about you're either running away from something

00:12:11.360 or running towards something else neither are wrong you just have to identify what it is so you can use

00:12:18.000 that fuel to keep pushing you in the right direction yeah that's solid at my work we have this concept of

00:12:26.720 your commitment level and so we'll we'll i'll literally ask an employee and we have these levels of

00:12:32.480 commitment and at the very top it's being fully committed fully engaged maybe under said another

00:12:38.480 way you're loving it and then below that is i'm getting there and below that is compliant and then

00:12:44.960 below that is kind of almost like quietly quitting and then real negative stuff i might be just wired

00:12:52.880 differently but i love that feeling of being fully engaged and excited and and the minute i feel compliant

00:13:00.800 confident i don't know why it just rubs me wrong so the minute i'm kind of in a space where i'm not

00:13:07.280 being challenged i'm not excited about it i immediately am like give me something else i got

00:13:12.640 to switch jobs i got to get more challenge i literally i met with my team last week we're

00:13:16.640 doing quarterly plans and we're talking about hey where are we at in five years and the question came up

00:13:21.760 are you going to be here in five years and i said if there's something for me to still do and learn yes

00:13:27.520 yes if not and we've gotten this buttoned up and things are solid no i'm probably not going to be

00:13:34.720 here and that's just kind of how i operate and so i just always look to that man am i loving it and now

00:13:41.920 let me just say this really quick so i don't sound like a complete hypocrite i do that really

00:13:46.320 well from a work perspective but then it's like oh well am i compliant in my marriage

00:13:52.000 is it okay or is it extraordinary is it exciting that's harder for me and i think that's a good

00:14:03.040 measuring stick to determine like are you showing up in an extraordinary way is it great and if it's

00:14:09.360 not great man i think we need to fight for it more often it's interesting that you say extraordinary

00:14:14.160 because the word that came to mind before you said that for me was exceptional yeah like being

00:14:18.880 exceptional you know you can get to work and do the bare minimum punch in do what you need to do

00:14:24.080 punch out nobody will bat an eye in fact they'll probably be in this in this climate they'll probably

00:14:28.320 be excited that you show up that way yeah but that's not what you're capable of you're capable of

00:14:32.400 so much more think about with jujitsu like do you go to class and just hope something happens and maybe

00:14:38.480 you'll pick something up the way you roll i know that's not the case you're deliberate you're

00:14:43.520 experimentational you're willing to excel go the extra mile and then i watch the food that you eat

00:14:48.400 right and so how does that tie into your jujitsu game that's exceptionalism and so we can't do

00:14:54.160 everything exceptionally but the things that you choose we ought to strive for that

00:15:01.920 hey guys jason dylan uh i'm new to the iron council and this is my first event i really appreciate you

00:15:08.240 both uh making me feel accepted and and uh i've revealed some things and no judgment and some real

00:15:15.040 raw talks i appreciate that um the theme that was brought up for the weekend is rebirth so why that

00:15:22.240 theme is it something personal right now for either of you um and or is it a theme that you've seen across

00:15:28.960 maybe men in general that we need to look at and approach yeah i think all of the i mean i think more

00:15:37.760 men need to address it i i've as i've gone through a lot of my own personal struggles over the past

00:15:43.520 couple years i've noticed as i'm more vocal about it that men have a really hard time closing chapters

00:15:50.080 of their lives and they just drag it on forever like why why why do you have to be miserable what

00:15:56.960 makes you believe that you have to latch on to this stuff whether it's medical stuff or a layoff or a

00:16:04.400 lawsuit or a breakdown in a relationship why why are we obligated to hold on to it for a period of

00:16:10.240 time and who gets to determine what that is we do there there's a quote that comes to mind uh and it

00:16:17.040 and i can't remember who said it but every night when i go to bed i die and when i wake up i am reborn

00:16:23.040 and then there's another quote that i really like that and again i don't know who said it is no man steps

00:16:28.320 in the same river twice for it is not the same river and he is not the same man so you're allowed

00:16:34.640 to move on with your life but in order to do that we talked about this a couple of days ago something

00:16:39.520 needs to die some thought patterns some beliefs some insecurity some behavior so maybe a relationship

00:16:48.640 there's things that need to die in order for you to be that new that new person uh i can't tell you what

00:16:55.920 that is for you guys i know there's limiting beliefs that i have and i've been pretty vocal

00:17:00.320 about those in the past and even here pretty intimate in the discussions that we've had and i won't

00:17:04.880 really get into that right now in this podcast but yeah i think it's crucial that we chalk up failures

00:17:13.200 to lessons learned and we give ourselves permission i think it was john talking about permission you

00:17:19.280 have permission you you don't need it but if you feel like you do you have permission to kill off the

00:17:24.880 old version of you and recreate something entirely different yeah so good and i don't think the

00:17:31.840 average individual believes that they can invent themselves i really don't think most of us truly

00:17:37.760 believe that because if you think about a lot of the hard heartache or the heart at war that we have

00:17:44.080 in our lives is it did it happen today no it didn't happen today when did it happen yesterday five years

00:17:52.800 ten years ago and yet you brought it today with you right that's that's part of that re rebirth or

00:18:01.520 transformation or whatever that is man it's it's crazy how so much of our identity is wrapped up in

00:18:09.760 our past and we use it versus this idea that you know what yeah in my past but that's not who i am

00:18:16.240 anymore and how i show up now is this you know and we had a lot of conversations i felt like the last

00:18:24.160 couple days around this concept of being right just not even living too far into the present either

00:18:30.080 showing up powerfully now with what we have regardless of the past regardless of our fears of the future

00:18:38.560 i think what's interesting is and this is just the human experience is you can just decide to do

00:18:43.520 something just because you want to like you don't have to have any reason there doesn't have to be

00:18:48.800 any direct threat you can wake up tomorrow morning and decide yeah that thing i did yesterday i don't

00:18:53.920 do that anymore yeah that's not who i am like a human can do that that's pretty incredible to me

00:19:00.800 we just have to ask ourselves if we're capitalizing on that ability too often we're not i don't even think

00:19:07.040 we're cognizant of the scripts and and the things that we believe but the more you can get aware with

00:19:13.120 aware of that then you can just decide i'm not saying it's easy once you make the decision there's

00:19:17.840 systems you have to put into place there's people that you need to have around you there's information

00:19:22.800 you need to expose yourself to but you can make that decision and then you have to support it

00:19:27.920 with the systems the tools the resources to make it happen

00:19:30.480 uh chris bonta quick shout out to my battle team constitution just want to thank you guys for uh

00:19:38.640 this weekend it's it's been uh amazing and the conversations that have been had i want to kind

00:19:43.360 of touch on something kip that you just mentioned a second ago so we throw a lot of buzzwords out

00:19:47.440 in the ic um brotherhood accountability um but one that's hit me this week and then you touched on

00:19:53.280 it a second ago about your work and then your marriage life can you guys define what it means to be

00:19:59.280 out of integrity with yourself or in integrity yeah do you want to leave off yeah i i love the

00:20:08.240 language of self-betrayal um and i and i also like to go well the common one is integrity is doing what

00:20:17.600 you should do when no one's looking right but there's a lot of that i do that's good that no one's looking

00:20:25.120 but i'm still taking a shortcut right i might still not do it the way i know it should be done

00:20:32.080 but i check the box that's not integrity integrity is going against my own belief of

00:20:41.600 knowing what i should or should not be doing that's it and i so i love that kind of self-betrayal you're

00:20:48.320 you're you're betraying yourself constantly that is what integrity is for me and and and if you don't

00:20:55.920 mind me adding really quick to this is you can't live with yourself when you're out of integrity so

00:21:05.760 what we do is what come up with a story oh well you know i have a pornography addiction oh i'm out of

00:21:14.560 integrity but it's because my wife or you know i'm i i have a anger issues yeah but it's because

00:21:22.560 of the way i was raised right it is the excuses that we use so we can live with ourselves otherwise

00:21:27.760 you eat at you and that's why the concept of a victim mindset is so great because we can just pause

00:21:34.480 right now and go okay in what areas in my life am i blaming someone else for something or i'm making

00:21:41.360 excuses and the probability is that is self-betrayal and that's the reason you're using to feel okay with

00:21:50.080 yourself yeah i'm i like that language i've always looked at it and i've talked about this through the

00:21:56.400 concept of the integrity gap and that integrity gap is the distance between the way that you view yourself

00:22:03.120 ideally not like where you are it's more aspirational like here's what i'd like to do here's the kind of

00:22:08.640 husband i'd like to be your father or employee or business owner or coach in your case okay good you

00:22:14.480 have this vision of who you want to be aspirational and then here's where you are you were talking about

00:22:20.240 attire the other day that's an integrity gap if you want to be viewed as this kind of coach but

00:22:25.600 you're showing up in a sloppy way attire that's you're not they're not great coaches don't do that

00:22:32.000 except for maybe bill belichick right but that's it that's the exception not the rule the rule is that

00:22:38.720 if i want to be a great coach part of what i need to do is look the part so i can build credibility and

00:22:43.760 influence with my athletes so that's how you bridge that integrity gap you start to align your actions

00:22:49.680 what you do with the kind of person the kind of man that you're envisioning yourself to be and the

00:22:55.680 further they are apart the worse your life is going to be because you know you're capable to your point

00:23:01.520 kip you know you're capable of so much more and yet you're not doing it and so you lie and you

00:23:08.000 rationalize and you justify and then a little piece of your soul dies and then you just begin to believe

00:23:13.760 this is just the way it is when clearly it's not and i want to be really clear i used to think like

00:23:19.760 you're a person of integrity or you're not absolutely not the case i think integrity is something you

00:23:26.480 fight for every moment constantly we'll all have opportunities to be out of integrity before the end

00:23:33.840 of the night and tomorrow will be no different and it's a constant choice and sometimes we're out and

00:23:40.080 then we get back in and we restore our integrity right by correcting things and cleaning it up or

00:23:44.880 whatever but it's a battle and i think it's an ongoing battle maybe it gets a little bit easier if

00:23:50.240 you're on the path and it's a little bit harder if you've been off the path a lot but i don't think

00:23:54.880 it's anything that you just you know you master i think it's something you fight for yeah i mean it's

00:24:01.120 easy to let things again the justifications and and you know not even that like sometimes there's real

00:24:07.120 issues like i i deal with my own insecurities and when i deal with those issues i don't always take

00:24:13.840 my own advice so am i out of integrity yeah i'm out of integrity i'm not doing what i know i should be

00:24:21.040 doing but even that just goes to show how hard it is to to maintain integrity even when you know what

00:24:28.640 the right answer is you get that you get that baggage you get those insecurities you get the stories

00:24:34.880 about what you what you believe about yourself based on some experience and that stuff slips in

00:24:41.040 and you gotta you gotta identify it quickly and wrap it up quickly too yeah i hope oh behind you

00:24:51.440 hey guys greg helts um thanks again for the amazing weekend really it was awesome um as someone new to

00:24:57.040 the iron council um brand new brand new as of today yeah that's great yeah in fact that's why he gets a

00:25:03.440 question right because he signed up exactly yeah uh we talked uh throughout the weekend about battle

00:25:10.160 planning and vision objectives um especially as somebody new to that i'm just curious overall

00:25:16.080 um for someone coming in or maybe people that are checking in for the first time or the first few

00:25:20.560 times um when we talk about vision and objectives what is your overall vision for order of man

00:25:26.640 um and the iron council moving forward and kippy you also mentioned five years and i'm also curious

00:25:31.840 because we mentioned that sometimes that can evolve over time as our lives change and how have you seen

00:25:36.720 that change your original vision from when you initiated this entire thing and got it off the

00:25:42.000 ground to where you are now and where you want to go yeah i mean my my vision for what we're doing

00:25:46.080 here is to impact as many men as we can positively and i've talked about it often to give guys the tools

00:25:51.680 resources and uh and information they need to thrive as husbands fathers business owners community

00:25:56.800 leaders you guys have heard me say it a thousand times right that that vision i don't ever foresee

00:26:01.840 changing the way we do it might you know for example this event was part of the evolution of that

00:26:08.720 when i did this event six and a half years ago for the first time that was something that i felt would

00:26:14.160 help bring guys together in this more intimate connected environment that would help facilitate the vision

00:26:20.640 and it might be something completely different in five years that's what i like about the vision is that

00:26:25.760 him it will be not even five years right he'll change it next month because that helps that that

00:26:32.800 also helps keep me engaged yeah because if it was the same thing over and over again i would have tapped

00:26:37.840 long time ago because i don't want to be bored but i'm constantly looking for new ways to fulfill that

00:26:44.000 vision that's where my objectives come in so part of that is this we're we're going to be doing a big

00:26:48.720 fall conference it's going to be an event with the order a man's spin but more of your traditional

00:26:54.000 conference style because i see that okay what if we take this but do it for a hundred times the

00:27:00.000 amount of guys that are here today so it's always evolving the objectives are always evolving and

00:27:06.000 they're evolving based on what i think and what i'm excited about and also what the climate allows what

00:27:14.640 new technology comes about what new resources are available what new tools that are at our disposal

00:27:21.360 what new information i have what access to people do i have like i've we've got our camera crew

00:27:26.320 these guys are amazing i used to when i was doing this i used to do everything myself that doesn't

00:27:31.520 work if we're going to try to fulfill the mission so constantly using that as a litmus test to figure

00:27:36.480 out how we can reach that many people anything particular in five years within the five years i've

00:27:43.360 talked about this for years but i'm still like wrapping my head around it and i don't know when

00:27:48.640 or how quite yet but i really think the answer to our problems is local order of man chapters

00:27:56.640 i'm not talking about our problems as order of man members i'm talking about the world's problems

00:28:01.600 i talked about the need for men getting together on a regular basis the problem i see is that it's not

00:28:08.240 convenient and it's not easy if we can teach a way to make it convenient and accessible and then give

00:28:14.720 men a path to run on i mean how many of you guys would love to have five to ten to fifteen guys

00:28:21.280 in your area in your neighborhood in your community who would get together on a weekly or monthly basis

00:28:27.360 to do service work charitable work to go golfing together to talk about and have some of the same

00:28:33.280 conversations we've had it's few and far between i think a lot of us in here would take the initiative

00:28:38.880 to do this but i know for a fact that 99 of the men listening to this podcast would do it if somebody

00:28:47.120 else did it which is unfortunate but it's reality and so i need to figure out a way that we can make

00:28:53.120 this a little bit more seamless yeah is there anything you would add to that i mean do you have

00:28:59.520 that no he's like no i'm gonna be longer on five years from now

00:29:09.680 when you have an alpha female and an alpha when i say female i mean wife and an alpha husband in the

00:29:17.200 same household how do you maintain the balance i don't let me say this can you describe alpha because

00:29:25.920 when you say that i'm thinking what i'm hearing is you're masculine and she's masculine that's what

00:29:31.120 i'm hearing is that correct is that what you're saying correct i don't think both can exist

00:29:36.080 harmoniously so i've been five years into my marriage and and we've had some rough times sure

00:29:43.280 but i'm just i'm trying to figure out like maybe i'm doing it right i don't know because we've been

00:29:46.960 together five years and that's great that's great but when the times are hard i'm i'm sure there's

00:29:51.360 some major clashing and gnashing of teeth right correct so i think in this case you know we can

00:29:58.160 talk about it a lot like if if you're masculine then she's allowed to be feminine right you've

00:30:03.920 probably heard things like that uh if you're not as acting masculine then she has to not only be

00:30:10.560 feminine but also masculine but what happens if she likes that role jay jay where's jay we've talked

00:30:17.360 about this yes okay so in that role i think the the best thing and i haven't thought a lot about

00:30:24.000 this but his has crossed my mind is that there's things that you can come to an agreement together

00:30:30.880 that she is alpha in and you're willing to let her do that and there's other aspects of the

00:30:38.080 relationship that she's willing to acknowledge that you are the one calling the shots if you will

00:30:43.680 there's probably a better way to say that where it's a give and take and it allows her to fulfill

00:30:49.120 that need or or that personality that she has but also allows you to fulfill that need and personality

00:30:54.560 and desire that you have there might be things that are unimportant to you you know and i don't know

00:30:59.200 what it is but maybe the household finances are not a deal for you but maybe she's wants to do that

00:31:06.160 she wants to dive in it's really important to her i'm not saying exclude yourself in the process but

00:31:11.520 hey babe that's your department you're in charge what how can i support you and then there might be

00:31:18.000 other areas where she you're going to ask her to support you in yeah i like it the only thing i was

00:31:24.480 going to for those listening we have to be careful and you alluded to it so i just want to call it out

00:31:31.840 that if we're not showing up powerfully from a masculine perspective then we will put our spouses

00:31:40.800 in a position where they need to and we need to be careful that we're not going oh well she's just

00:31:48.240 alpha female masculine and it is what it is that may not be the case it may be out of necessity because

00:31:55.200 we're playing small in in the relationship and i'm not saying that about you but i'm saying like i don't

00:32:00.480 want anyone to hear what we just said and like oh yeah hey it is what i guess this is what i'm

00:32:05.600 gonna do it's like well don't don't deceive yourself either but there might be situations

00:32:10.960 i don't think this applies to you but for listeners there might be situations where

00:32:14.960 your your wife is in a male-dominated industry for example and so when she goes out she's literally

00:32:20.800 putting the pants on and has to be that way in order to be competitive and do what she wants to do

00:32:25.840 in that case i think i would strive to make an environment of relief for her where she doesn't

00:32:33.680 have to come in and feel like she needs to be combative with me and that she needs to be the

00:32:38.960 man of the house that i can be the man of the house so she can relax and recover and yeah tap into

00:32:44.880 a different role and and i want to be really clear this is all rooted in what love right this isn't a

00:32:53.440 control this isn't a power game this isn't submissive per se right what we're talking about is is serving

00:33:02.000 other people where they are cool thanks yeah does that help yeah that's a lot thank you

00:33:08.400 ryan o'hare with broder uh there's been a lot of magic this weekend so my question is

00:33:13.840 what do you guys recommend we do as individuals and as a group take the insights inspiration and

00:33:20.240 learnings from these four days and run with them for you know notable growth and continuation on the

00:33:28.240 inspiration i think magic huh there's magic this week yeah well i guess um i mean i don't think it's

00:33:35.680 magic but i know what you're saying right like if we know what we can do then we can create

00:33:40.640 environments that we aren't familiar with it isn't like that's magic there's no trick like it's

00:33:45.920 that and that's the point is that you're doing things you've never done before physically mentally

00:33:51.360 emotionally so when you say what can we do now it's your job to take the skill set you learned

00:33:57.120 and then apply it to your family and your friends and your community members etc etc right it's your

00:34:03.280 that's your responsibility now and if you notice the best discussions happen when somebody's willing

00:34:10.960 to like be honest about things that they're struggling with that's the hardest thing for a

00:34:16.320 man to do is that they have to actually expose themselves to some risk potential

00:34:23.120 ostracization from the group right or people looking down on them unfavorably but if you want to

00:34:30.320 create the quote-unquote magic outside of this environment you have to do what we did in this environment

00:34:36.320 which is get guys together and be willing to express yourself in a meaningful and powerful way

00:34:41.360 which is going to be really hard especially because you're surrounded by men who aren't here

00:34:48.160 willingly doing this so it's going to take a lot of experimentation to figure out who is it that

00:34:53.440 wants to do this together because a lot of guys are going to be like well i'm not interested in that

00:34:58.640 and so you're going to have to find out who those guys are yeah good luck yeah no it's a it is i mean

00:35:04.800 it's a challenge and that's why the local chapter idea is so valuable um the only thing i'd add is

00:35:11.440 you had two questions that you posed everybody the opening night and i and i think the answer

00:35:18.000 is to answer those two questions and then act on them do you want to share those two questions yeah

00:35:23.280 the two questions are what do you want to get by being here and what are you willing to give up which

00:35:29.520 is kind of a spin because usually it's like what are you going to do we talked about what are you

00:35:32.640 willing to give up in your life in order to have what you want here and in life so i think that's

00:35:38.960 a good point but i also think as a man it's our job to take what we what we have our resources

00:35:46.560 to share those with the world so it's not i don't i'm not saying you're saying this but it's not enough

00:35:51.920 just to answer those two questions you have to answer them and then you have to teach other people

00:35:56.640 those questions and help them answer it for themselves and by the way when we do that it's

00:36:02.160 sticky that we talk about this all the time this is the benefit of the podcast right we get to run

00:36:07.600 our mouse and then i walk out the door and like wow i should probably actually listen to what i say

00:36:11.680 all the time because it sticks more right and so that's the value of sharing right when you become

00:36:17.360 the teacher you learn more so and when we're in the service of others it will cement it in you even more

00:36:23.760 yeah let's take uh we'll try to do we'll do one more for sure we'll try to get to two sorry

00:36:31.520 all right uh mike neverker uh battle team relentless shout out to my brothers there um

00:36:37.520 so ryan and kip how do you how do both of you uh not get burned out living as busy as you do or how do

00:36:45.680 you get out of burnout um i don't i don't i can't tell you when the last time i felt

00:36:53.600 burned out was that isn't really something i'm i deal with and maybe it's because i'm just kind

00:37:00.560 of working this through my head maybe it's because i'm excited about what i'm doing just in life not

00:37:06.000 just professionally but personally i'm excited about it and i'm creatively and actively working to

00:37:11.200 solve the problems i bump up against and we talked about it with i'm going to be doing something

00:37:16.240 different in five years it will still be in this vein i'm sure uh but it's going to be different

00:37:20.960 because that's how i keep my creative juices flowing and keep myself engaged it's a lot like

00:37:25.360 working out if you told me to go do the same workout every day five days a week for two years

00:37:30.400 i won't even last two weeks i have to have that variation in my programming because i'll just lose

00:37:36.720 interest and i know that about myself so i'm not going to stop exercising i'm just going to do

00:37:40.720 something different so that i can stay in the game because longevity is i think what breeds success

00:37:46.400 it builds reps for you builds familiarity lets you know the rules so you can know when to follow

00:37:51.120 them and know when to break them uh as far as avoiding burnout i would ask yourself why are you

00:37:56.880 burning out why aren't you satisfied with what you're doing what might it take to get there and

00:38:02.000 also lex talked about this i don't know where lex is lex talked about this maybe there's some

00:38:08.080 things that you need to get off of your plate that just aren't a priority that you just shouldn't be

00:38:14.000 doing and if you can let go of some of those then it'll free yourself up time to focus on the things

00:38:18.720 that are a priority and come up with creative solutions to your problems i'm a huge believer

00:38:24.320 that most frustration and burnout is worry and resentment so when i think about all my biggest

00:38:33.040 stressors it's not the hours i work during the week it's not the tasks at the office it's bigger things

00:38:40.640 things it's the things that are going unaddressed in the grand scheme of things and so a pulse check

00:38:48.880 i'm still in this from a book called the anatomy of peace if i have a heart at war towards anybody

00:38:55.600 that's going to create burnout for me greater than anything and i may not be complete with someone

00:39:03.760 i may have not resolved something and that is what's really burning me out

00:39:11.360 the when you say resolve something that's interesting to me because and i know you know

00:39:16.720 this or believe this is if your resolution is contingent upon somebody else that's going to be

00:39:22.880 a real challenge for you totally so the the resolution i don't think you tell me what you think on this but

00:39:28.560 the resolution is not that i make things right with that other person the resolution is that i

00:39:35.920 said and did what needed to be said and done and then i just have to let the chips fall where they may

00:39:41.920 for example you can only apologize for some wrongdoing so many times and then at some point it's it's no

00:39:48.080 longer my responsibility and you have to chalk that up and that person can accept it or not but at that

00:39:53.440 point it's on their shoulders i apologized i attempted to make amends i'm trying to be an honorable

00:39:58.880 person moving forward if that person is in my life to some degree but at the end of the day like

00:40:03.040 i can't just keep apologizing and then never move on with my life that's not fair to anybody so yeah yeah

00:40:11.600 one more if we can do a fast one man brandon mancini uh battle team ulysses um i want to thank

00:40:17.040 everyone you guys should put the event on but everybody for showing up with the conversations honesty

00:40:21.680 thank you guys so much um made the weekend uh for you guys what has been your greatest takeaway

00:40:28.480 or what value have you derived from this weekend um i you know i sat back and i've listened to all

00:40:36.080 the guys talking i've listened to the discussions that we've had and even though again i know that

00:40:41.600 this is so important it's something that is it has to be this is my work and i still don't do it as

00:40:47.440 much as i should because i get inundated with family and activities and the the business side

00:40:54.000 of the work and not the actual mission side of the work and and so for me it's it's been actually

00:41:00.960 really nice to hear what you guys are going through and what solutions you have and what questions you

00:41:06.800 have in realizing like i'm not special but i'm also not an island either like there's other guys who

00:41:13.280 want to do this but you have to be humble and open to hearing that otherwise you'll just put yourself

00:41:20.080 on this island and think that nobody gets you or understands you and then you'll just be miserable

00:41:24.240 forever and i have been miserable points in my life for a very long time because i isolated and so my

00:41:30.240 greatest lesson from this weekend is don't isolate be involved in things like this even if it's

00:41:35.360 uncomfortable or hard or challenging it's worth it yeah i i was i had a renewal and or a reminder

00:41:42.960 of the power that people can speak into one another and it's none of the superficial stuff

00:41:51.520 like i've i've heard men in here i've had conversations i've heard men share

00:41:56.560 and i'm like man that guy is amazing person i have no idea what they do for work

00:42:01.680 i have no idea how big their house is i have no idea what kind of car they drive

00:42:06.800 none of the is on the radar in that assessment of that individual but yet we have a tendency to go

00:42:16.240 well you know what i'm about i'm gonna get this house and it's like

00:42:19.360 fuck sorry that's a really bad word for youtube but seriously well i'm used to it so sorry so but but

00:42:27.600 seriously we we were focusing the wrong things far too often and and that was kind of my walkway that

00:42:33.600 i'm not preaching at you guys but that's my walkways like man it's about relationships it's about

00:42:38.640 connection and it's about who we are showing up as a person and the kind of conversations we have

00:42:44.320 none of the superficial stuff and and that sucks me in a lot i i get sucked into that all the time

00:42:50.160 and um it was my key thing walking away today is like man it's it's about connections with people

00:42:55.600 and you know what the best way is to get to that point with somebody it's not to ask them to get

00:43:02.000 deep it's for you to do it first yeah like a guy if you go if you go talk to a hundred guys this

00:43:09.840 weekend not here i'm saying in your everyday life and you say how's it going they're all going to say

00:43:15.440 what good it's going good things are good things are good and you know that's a lie because you say it

00:43:21.840 and you know that not everything's good so the best way to get somebody to open up that way is

00:43:28.000 for you to start like when kip says to me in fact this happened this happened the other day i had an

00:43:34.480 issue and i got on the phone with kip and i was like hey man you got five ten minutes he's like yeah

00:43:39.840 i'm like here's what i'm struggling with here's how it's making me feel he like here's where i'm at

00:43:44.800 completely raw with you yep and he shared he's like here's what i would do here's what i and i

00:43:51.360 did i implemented what you said and it helped but it took me saying that and that's hard to do

00:43:58.240 but our relationship is better because i hope because of that and here's the irony

00:44:03.920 we we often avoid that conversation why because well if i give up a call over to kip you might think

00:44:10.240 less of me do you think i honestly think less of ryan because of that phone call i actually think

00:44:15.280 more highly of him because of that phone call

00:44:19.360 it's crazy i don't understand why we do it but i doubt any of you were passing judgment around

00:44:24.800 this room today going oh man i think less of that guy for being raw and authentic yeah absolutely not

00:44:30.160 you're like that was powerful and now you think we're highly of them but yet we go i'm gonna keep

00:44:36.240 that to myself though yeah right yeah all right guys we've got another activity i know we've had

00:44:41.600 a crazy week that's how we do it kip you made the comment that at these types of events we turn

00:44:47.520 basically 30 days into three days and so i know we've done a lot we still have a schedule to keep so

00:44:54.400 really good questions i know we didn't get to everybody with questions we'll have time for that

00:44:58.160 at some point throughout today and um maybe a little bit tomorrow as well but appreciate you guys

00:45:04.160 so thanks let's keep having a good weekend thanks guys absolutely you can clap it's okay

00:45:12.960 clap applause now keep it going now all right thanks guys

00:45:24.480 thank you for listening to the order of man podcast you're ready to take charge of your life

00:45:29.120 and be more of the man you were meant to be we invite you to join the order at order of man dot com

00:45:46.720 you

Order of Man - May 08, 2024

Impactful Challenges for Men, Achieving and Maintaining Excellence, and Making Hard Choices ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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