Order of Man - Improve Your Sex Life Now ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.160 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.700 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler.

00:00:27.680 I'm the host. I'm also the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome here and

00:00:33.400 welcome back. We're going to talk about today, probably one of most of your guys' favorite

00:00:39.500 subjects, sex. So that's what we're going to talk about today. Got a couple of pointers,

00:00:44.820 some tips that are going to help you improve your sex life, which is something that I think

00:00:48.420 all of us probably want to one degree or the other. Being intimate with your wife is a crucial

00:00:56.260 part of the connection and it's also a crucial part of our lives. So we got to discuss it. We

00:01:00.300 got to talk about it. Before I get into that, I want to mention a couple of things that we have

00:01:04.140 going on. May 7th, so that's coming up here within the next week or so, week and a half,

00:01:09.420 week actually. We've got a Man Uncaged virtual event taking place. So if you go to manuncaged.com,

00:01:18.920 you're going to be able to get your free virtual ticket to this one day event. I'm going to be

00:01:24.680 speaking. John Lovell with Warrior Poet Society, Bedros Koulian, Jack Donovan, Stephen Mansfield,

00:01:31.800 Tanner Guzzi, Matt Boudreau. We've got a powerhouse lineup of men speaking on the subject of masculinity.

00:01:38.640 I'm going to be talking about reclaiming sovereignty, taking control of your life,

00:01:42.860 and we've got a few other surprises in there as well. So that's on May 7th, manuncaged.com,

00:01:48.380 and you can get registered for free for the virtual conference. The other thing that I want

00:01:54.360 to mention with regards to the Man Uncaged event is if you are in the Sacramento area,

00:01:59.280 you may actually want to come to the live portion of that event because we're doing it for only a

00:02:05.860 handful of our closest people and supporters. And if you want to be part of that and rub shoulders

00:02:11.780 with me and Bedros and Tanner and Jack and Matt and Steven and John and all these other guys,

00:02:17.940 then you can come to the live event. And if you're interested in that, only a few spots left for that,

00:02:24.040 manuncaged.com slash live, manuncaged.com slash live. So you can go to the virtual one,

00:02:29.980 that's for free, or you can pay for a ticket for the in-person, the live event. All right.

00:02:35.160 The other thing is we have a rite of passage happening called the Squire program on May 28th.

00:02:42.120 That one's going to be here in Maine. If you have a son or a nephew or somebody you're, you know,

00:02:48.380 have some sort of fatherhood capacity or role with between the ages of 12 to 16,

00:02:53.640 then I would encourage you to check out squireprogram.com slash Ryan, squireprogram.com

00:02:59.340 slash Ryan. And you can get signed up for that. I think we only have maybe two or three spots left.

00:03:04.600 And that's going to be on May 28th, 2022 here in Maine. It's going to be a powerhouse event.

00:03:11.040 All right, guys, let's get into the subject. Again, one of our favorite subjects, sex. I don't

00:03:15.880 know that I've ever talked about this on the podcast because, you know, it doesn't seem like

00:03:20.940 it's something that we should have to talk about, but in hearing from a lot of guys with regards to

00:03:27.440 their intimate relationships, I think this is something on a lot of our minds. And it's frankly

00:03:31.800 something that I've struggled with in the past with my connection, emotional connection, which

00:03:37.780 leads to physical connection with my wife and how that struggled. I've also struggled in the past

00:03:43.180 with my own libido and my own sex drive, primarily because I was out of weight and I was eating like

00:03:48.220 out of shape, I should say, and eating like shit and overweight and all these things. So it drastically

00:03:53.460 affected my desire and also my performance. So guys, I'm going to share with you five tips today

00:04:00.200 that are going to improve your sex life immediately. Now, what I will say is that although this might

00:04:06.040 happen immediately, we're looking for long-term results. So this is not going to be, Hey, do these

00:04:11.540 five things tonight and you'll get laid. It's do these five things, incorporate these five things into

00:04:16.620 your lifestyle. And over time, over consistent time periods of time, your sex life is going to

00:04:24.080 improve. It's going to get better. Okay. So number one, this is the lowest hanging fruit for a lot of

00:04:28.780 us. You got to lose weight. You got to get in shape. All right. If you're 30, 40, 50, 60, a hundred pounds

00:04:35.520 overweight, there's a lot of things going on here. Number one, your libido is going to be down.

00:04:40.280 Number two, your testosterone is going to be down, which not only affects your libido and your sex drive,

00:04:44.440 but it also affects other asset aspects of your life. And number three, let's be frank.

00:04:49.100 You're probably not that, that good to look at naked. And she's probably not all that physically 0.51

00:04:53.720 attracted to you. And you might think, well, you know, she should be, she's my wife. Well,

00:04:58.200 she isn't. Okay. So if you're overweight and you're out of shape and you're a slob and you're 1.00

00:05:02.300 not doing what you should be doing, that's the lowest hanging fruit. And it's going to improve your

00:05:06.960 sex life. Of course, she's going to be more attracted to you. You're going to increase testosterone,

00:05:11.440 which will increase sex drive and stamina. You're going to feel confident because you're

00:05:15.980 going to look at yourself in the mirror and actually see the kind of man you should be,

00:05:20.220 including the man downstairs that you need to be able to look at. You know, if it's,

00:05:24.980 if it's been 10 years since you've been able to look down and see what you got going on downstairs

00:05:29.760 and you can't see it. Okay. That's an issue. So the lowest hanging fruit when it comes to increasing

00:05:35.840 your sex in your marriage is to lose weight, is to get in shape, is to eat right. I know it's a

00:05:42.880 challenge. I know it's a struggle. I struggle with overeating. That's, that's my tendency.

00:05:47.380 It's never exercise. It's always overeating, but I know I feel better when I'm lean and I'm in

00:05:52.880 control of what goes into my body and I feel good and I'm confident sex drive goes up. And then my wife 1.00

00:05:57.780 actually wants to be with me. And that's nice too, that she wants to be intimate, that she wants to be

00:06:02.980 physical. So guys get that weight and that stuff in check. All right. Number two, you got to stop

00:06:09.780 watching porn and you got to stop jacking off. All right. Yeah. You have to stop doing those things

00:06:15.520 because not only is it ruining, absolutely ruining. And there's a lot of research on this.

00:06:21.520 It's ruining your ability to have a healthy relationship with your wife, because let's face it,

00:06:27.600 she's not the perfect porn star that you might see on Pornhub or wherever you're going.

00:06:33.100 Okay. And now you have this unrealistic expectation of what she's supposed to be doing with you,

00:06:38.520 how she's supposed to be performing, the noises that she's supposed to be making,

00:06:42.600 how you're supposed to be performing, how, whether or not your member is big enough or small enough or

00:06:47.780 whatever. And I'm not trying to be crude here or crass with this stuff, but it is very, very important

00:06:53.340 that you don't mess with your mind and your sex life by watching porn, by jacking off all the time. 0.69

00:07:00.380 And if that's what you're doing morning, noon, and night or whatever,

00:07:04.920 your sex drive is going to be low and you're not going to be as attracted to her because you have

00:07:08.960 an unrealistic expectation of what's going on. So here's what I would suggest. There's a website

00:07:14.880 called fight the new drug that is going to deal with this. If you're dealing with addiction and

00:07:19.660 what I would suggest to you is instead of saying, Hey, I'm going to go cold Turkey and I'm not going to

00:07:24.360 watch porn and I'm not going to masturbate forever. I would say do that for three days.

00:07:30.980 Okay. Just go on a bin. I was going to say binge, not a binge, a diet, a cleanse. I should say from

00:07:37.520 that stuff for three days and evaluate it. Hey, I'm not going to watch porn. I'm not going to

00:07:42.900 masturbate for three days. And I'm going to learn to be more intimate with my wife and get my physical

00:07:48.700 pleasure with her. That's where that comes from. And if you do that for three days, I guarantee

00:07:55.060 the sex is going to be better. You're going to have a deeper connection with her. And by the way,

00:08:00.260 the physical sensation of sex, yes, we know feels good to get off. And that's important. I'm not

00:08:07.080 dismissing that, but also there's a level of emotional connection when you and your wife are

00:08:14.300 together sexually and you have a deeper connection. You forge a deeper bond. And isn't that what you

00:08:19.960 want? Having good sex is going to improve not only of course your sex life, but it's going to improve

00:08:25.520 your marriage. It's going to improve your level of confidence. It's going to improve your performance

00:08:31.380 in life. So get rid of the other stuff, the nonsense and the bull crap that's keeping you from

00:08:37.000 having a good, powerful, romantic, intimate life, sex life with your wife. All right. Number two, 0.56

00:08:45.500 learn to communicate with her. Okay. You, you can communicate with what you want.

00:08:52.380 All right. Too many, I've seen too many couples and men in particular who have a vision of maybe

00:08:57.960 some things they want to do. And I'm not going to get into that. That's your life. Okay. I'm not,

00:09:02.380 I'm not going to get into the deep end of what you might want to do with your wife, but you have a 0.99

00:09:07.360 vision of some things that you want to do. You have a vision of maybe what you like her to wear

00:09:12.000 occasionally or how you would like to perform or how you would like her to perform. And so many of us

00:09:17.640 are unwilling to share some of those thoughts and nothing ever happens. And it's just kind of mundane

00:09:25.580 and boring and bland, but what if you took a risk and it is risky, but you took a risk and you said,

00:09:32.320 Hey hon, you know, here's something I really like. I like when you wear this, that does it for me.

00:09:37.440 Or I would really like to try this position because we've never done that before. Or you know what?

00:09:43.560 I, we're, we're always in the bedroom and I would really like to, uh, you know, go to a different

00:09:48.580 room and, uh, and have some time with you. Okay. Whatever, whatever that thing is for you

00:09:54.280 communicate that. And then also encourage her to communicate it with you. That might be harder

00:09:59.900 than you communicating with her is her communicating with you. So if she shares something with you about

00:10:05.720 how you want to be intimate and how you guys want to have sex and how you guys want to connect

00:10:09.620 physically, then take that as a sign that she's opening up and she's willing to explore and she's

00:10:15.260 willing to do things that are fun and exciting and unique and interesting and keeps it, you know,

00:10:21.300 stimulated literally and figuratively. Okay. Communicate, open your mouth, share the words,

00:10:29.640 share your thoughts, share your ideas and do this thing together. I mean, that's what happened when

00:10:35.000 you got married. You said, we'll walk hand in hand. We're, we're one, we're going to do life

00:10:39.000 together. And this, this also applies to your sex life, talking with her, communicating, opening your

00:10:47.340 mouth and sharing what's on your mind. All right. Number four, guys, you need to assert yourself.

00:10:52.780 Okay. Like if you're waiting for, you know, the perfect day and in the perfect situation, uh, or,

00:10:59.400 you know, waiting for her to advance or, or, or waiting for that, you know, one special night,

00:11:04.380 maybe on your birthday where, you know, you're going to get lucky, which is horrible.

00:11:07.980 If you're just waiting for one, one night of the year or one night every month or whatever it is

00:11:13.740 for your sex night. I, I, I mean, man, that's, that's gotta be rough. So what I would suggest

00:11:21.140 is that you assert yourself and this is what men do. All right. We assert ourselves. We assert

00:11:26.680 ourselves in the corporate environment. We assert ourselves in competition. We assert ourselves at the

00:11:33.240 gym and hobbies and things that we want. And then how many of you are actually asserting yourself

00:11:37.940 when it comes to sex in the bedroom. Okay. Are you, are you walking by your wife and slapping

00:11:44.020 her ass as you walk by? Are you grabbing her and turning around her around and, and taking her 0.99

00:11:50.600 the way that she probably wants you to act? She probably would like that. She probably would 0.96

00:11:57.540 like you to be a man and show that you are physically attracted to her, that you want to

00:12:03.400 be close to her, that you want to be physical, that you want to be intimate, that you want

00:12:06.620 to have sex and, and you got to let her know through your actions. So assert yourself, you

00:12:13.660 know, grab her and say, Hey hon, I'll meet you upstairs in five minutes or just grab her 1.00

00:12:19.940 ass. As you walk by be playful with her. Okay. Have some fun with her. Enjoy that element 0.98

00:12:25.700 of it because not only is it going to lead to what you want, but there's also the excitement

00:12:30.880 about it and, and the expectation that it brings with it. It helps. Okay. So assert yourself

00:12:37.740 appropriately. Of course, I better throw that out there. Cause there's going to be somebody

00:12:42.060 who's going to try to take the words out of my mouth and try to distort them to me, you

00:12:46.980 know, be sexually abusive. That's not what I'm saying at all. And if, if you've been following

00:12:51.600 for any amount of time, you know, that's not what I'm saying, but I got to throw it out

00:12:54.300 there. Assert yourself, be an assertive man, tell her what you want, show her what you

00:12:58.600 want, take what you want. And you guys are going to have a better sex life. And by the

00:13:02.500 way, ladies, if you're listening to this and you're thinking, yeah, Ryan's right on with

00:13:06.560 all of this, then share this with your man. Cause sometimes I know I get it. It's a little

00:13:10.940 uncomfortable for you to maybe bring up these topics, but if I can bring these topics up and

00:13:18.380 you can share this with him and say, Hey, this guy's right. You should do these things that

00:13:22.840 might help spur some of that in your man as well. Or listen, listen to this together

00:13:27.580 with you and your wife and, and, uh, and you as the husband. Okay. The last point that

00:13:32.920 I want to make, and then I'll wrap this up and I'll let you get to it is that you need

00:13:38.100 to court her. All right. You need to continue to date her. When you guys were dating, you

00:13:42.920 guys probably could even keep your hands off of each other, right? You were, you were

00:13:47.300 physical. You couldn't keep your hands off of each other. Um, you wanted to be

00:13:51.040 physical. You wanted to be intimate. You wanted to get together every single time you

00:13:54.640 possibly could. Uh, and then it kind of fell apart a little bit as life happened.

00:14:00.540 You had kids, uh, you've got job responsibilities. You got the promotion at work, you get home.

00:14:07.120 Maybe you're like me, you're 41 or older and you know, you're tired when you come home from

00:14:12.060 work, uh, or you're drinking. And so that's, you know, putting you to sleep, not even putting

00:14:16.920 you to sleep. It's just knocking you out. Uh, and, and you have completely forgot to court

00:14:22.800 your wife, to let her know that she's special to, to get her, you know, some flowers, if

00:14:29.640 that's her thing, or leave a little note before you step out of the house. Um, the other day

00:14:34.760 I, I meant to leave a note for my wife when I left on vacation, not vacation, a work trip.

00:14:40.200 And I felt bad. I knew I was, I was going to, and I just forgot because I got distracted with

00:14:46.460 leaving. And so before I got on the airplane, I wrote this really nice text about how much she

00:14:52.300 means to me and what she means to me and how much I love her and how important she is to me. Um,

00:14:58.160 and she wrote back and you could tell that she was genuinely touched by that. Uh, and, and it,

00:15:03.420 and it, it was a new connection for her. And she was surprised. She's like, this was unexpected,

00:15:08.460 right? That's what I want. I want it to be unexpected. I want her to know that she's

00:15:13.680 important and that she's special. And then I'm thinking about her and I'll send her texts and

00:15:17.800 play with her. And she'll send me texts and play with me. And guys, these, these are easy things

00:15:22.840 that you can do to continue to court her, which will naturally inevitably lead to the sex life that

00:15:29.940 you desire. Make these things happen. All right. It's easy. And whether we're talking about sex or

00:15:35.520 talking about a job promotion, or we're talking about having your kids listen to you, it's easy

00:15:40.620 to hope that everything will just fall into place because that's what you want, but that's not how

00:15:45.580 life works, right? Things don't happen because you want them to happen. They happen because you

00:15:50.760 actively have a strategy and a plan in place to make those things a reality. Now I'm not saying you

00:15:57.060 have to game it. Okay. Because everything that I just told you today, losing weight, getting in

00:16:02.520 shape, cutting out the booze, not watching porn, not jacking off, being intimate with her and her

00:16:09.260 alone, communicating about what you're interested in and what you like and what she likes and what

00:16:14.340 she wants you to do and what you want her to do and what you want her to wear. Okay. Asserting

00:16:19.720 yourself, grabbing her and, and, you know, to a degree taking what you want. She'll appreciate that.

00:16:26.120 I think. And then the last is, is courting her all of those things. Those aren't, those aren't

00:16:31.200 manipulation tactics. Okay. Those aren't strategies and hacks that you can use to take advantage of

00:16:36.860 somebody. Those are strategies that you can use to tighten and deeper forge the bond emotionally,

00:16:45.620 spiritually, and physically that you have with your wife. I want that for you guys, because I want you

00:16:52.160 to leave a good life. I know you want that for yourself and I can guarantee that she wants that

00:16:56.500 as well. She's interested in it and maybe she's lost a little bit in it from you. So we don't get

00:17:02.880 what we want. We get what we work towards. And by the way, if we do these things, it's going to improve

00:17:08.980 our bedroom experience and it's going to improve every facet of your life. So let's just hit it again

00:17:16.580 real quick. And then you have your marching orders and I hope you get laid and I hope you guys

00:17:22.280 have great sex. And I hope you're connected in a way that maybe has been a long time since you've

00:17:27.800 been connected like that before. Number one, guys, lose the belly, lose the spare tire, build your

00:17:34.580 shoulders, build your traps, build your chest, build your legs. By the way, you do this, you're going to

00:17:40.080 look better naked, including your member is going to look better too, because it doesn't have all that 0.67

00:17:45.760 fat and grossness around it. Also your body image, take care of yourself. All right. Clean yourself up,

00:17:51.420 do some manscaping, like make sure you're doing the things that she's attracted to. Okay. Number two 0.98

00:17:57.840 is get rid of all the filth and all the distorted reality of sex and all the big boob porn stars who, 0.93

00:18:05.940 you know, are, are, are these perfect images. Stop playing with yourself, play with her and watch your

00:18:11.440 sex life improve. Okay. Number three, communicate, open your mouth, share what's on your mind,

00:18:19.260 have these conversations, take some risks, encourage her to take some of these risks in a healthy,

00:18:25.880 constructive way. And you guys will improve and experiment and have fun. Maybe more so than you've

00:18:31.220 ever had. Number four, assert yourself again, in a respectful, healthy way, grab her ass, grab her 1.00

00:18:37.640 by the arm, lead her to the bedroom, do whatever you're going to do, but assert yourself. She might 1.00

00:18:43.300 be waiting just as much as you're waiting for the perfect signal. The perfect signal is now go get

00:18:48.580 it. Especially if you do these other things I'm talking with you about. And number five, do not

00:18:53.360 forget to court her. Okay. That's, what's going to open her up. Okay. That's, what's going to make

00:18:58.800 her attracted to you emotionally, spiritually, physically is that you court her, you leave notes,

00:19:04.900 you get her flowers, you do all these kinds of things that make her feel appreciated and desired

00:19:11.560 and wanted. That's what she wants from you. And if you do it, then you unlock the key to having more

00:19:17.820 great, incredible sex with a person you love and the person you want to have sex with. 0.74

00:19:23.140 All right. Short one today, but much needed. If you're not doing these things, man,

00:19:30.400 missing the boat, telling you missing the boat. There's probably a lot more you could be doing.

00:19:34.460 So make sure you're sharing and communicating, take a screenshot. If somebody needs to see this,

00:19:39.380 shoot it over to them. If your wife needs to see it and you guys want to do this together, 0.94

00:19:44.360 let her know, tell her if you're a woman and you want your husband to do this stuff, let him know, 1.00

00:19:49.680 send this over to him so he can learn and figure out how to get this stuff done.

00:19:53.140 Seems strange that I have to talk about this that I am. But apparently it's something that we need to

00:19:58.520 address. I want your sex life to be good guys. I want you to have a meaningful relationship in all

00:20:03.080 ways with the one you love. And I want it to be powerful for both of you. So there's your

00:20:09.100 marching orders. Get it done. Get after it. Enjoy yourselves. And we'll catch you all next week.

00:20:16.100 Until then, go out there, take action, get laid and become the man you are meant to be.

00:20:21.600 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

00:20:26.240 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - April 29, 2022

Improve Your Sex Life Now ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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