Order of Man - Initiation of Man, Motivating Your Wife, and Home Schooling Your Children

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,

00:00:27.900 and I am the host and founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Thank you for tuning in.

00:00:33.260 Thank you for joining us. We've got our Ask Me Anything today, which is me. Now, typically it's

00:00:39.440 me and my co-host, Kip Sorensen, but we've been playing back and forth over the past, I would

00:00:44.800 say, couple of months now because we've both been pretty busy, but that's the benefit of having a

00:00:48.760 partner who helps you in this thing we call life. So he's occupied today. I've been occupied with

00:00:56.680 hunting over the past couple of weeks, but I'm back and I'm ready to podcast. I'm ready

00:01:01.560 to share information with you. I'm ready to ask questions today. Now, guys, before we get

00:01:05.640 started, I want to make sure that you have gone back and you have listened to the podcast

00:01:10.260 that I did with Tank yesterday. If you have not listened to that, it's called writing your

00:01:14.640 redemption story. Then I would urge you to go back to listen through the entire thing, because

00:01:22.460 I promise you, regardless of where you are in life, it is going to help you. It is going

00:01:26.800 to serve you. It is going to help you become a better man. So go back and listen to it.

00:01:31.620 And along the same thread line, make sure you subscribe, leave a rating and review, subscribe

00:01:36.360 to the podcast. I don't want you to miss any of these conversations. I've got four incredible,

00:01:42.780 incredible conversations coming up over the next several months, and you're not going to want

00:01:47.720 to miss them. So make sure you subscribe, leave a rating and review. Without that, without

00:01:52.320 that being said, we're going to get right into the questions today. Again, Kip is not here

00:01:56.040 today. It's just me, but that's okay. I think I can handle it. I don't know. Some of you guys

00:02:01.140 have been giving me some feedback and saying that Kip does a pretty good job, which I agree.

00:02:04.520 He does a wonderful job. We'll see what I can do here. Okay. Now these questions today are

00:02:09.600 coming from members of the iron council. They're also coming from members of our Facebook group.

00:02:15.440 Uh, the Facebook group can be found at facebook.com slash groups slash order of man, the iron

00:02:21.660 council, which is our exclusive brotherhood can be found at order of man.com slash iron

00:02:27.140 council. So let's get into it guys. The first one, Alexander Doak. He says are terrible books

00:02:33.480 chosen deliberately from time to time for the book of the month. If so, why I can actually

00:02:38.400 see several legitimate reasons for doing this. Just wondering if it's deliberate or unintentional

00:02:44.120 either is fine. I'm just curious. And for the record, all in all, I think most recommended

00:02:48.920 books are fantastic. So what Alexander is referring to here is our book of the month inside of the

00:02:56.420 iron council. Again, order of man.com slash iron council. So every month, what we do inside of

00:03:01.960 the iron council is we have a topic that we're focusing on. So for the month of November, the topic

00:03:07.960 specifically is fueling the machine, fueling our bodies, uh, and then analyzing how it affects our

00:03:15.160 sleep and sex and strength and performance and other, other factors of our lives.

00:03:20.480 So we're using, uh, uh, Tim Ferriss's book for our body. Uh, so Alexander's asking if terrible books

00:03:28.940 are chosen deliberately. Uh, no, we don't, we don't want to choose terrible books. In fact,

00:03:35.160 I used to believe that any book that I ever picked up that I had to actually read the entire thing,

00:03:40.660 but I realized there's just way too many books out there, good books to waste my time reading books

00:03:47.020 that aren't good or don't resonate with me, which leads me to the point of the term that you've chosen

00:03:54.680 to use here. Alexander is terrible books. Terrible is subjective, right? It's not an objective fact.

00:04:03.160 It's a subjective opinion. So you may not resonate with a specific book and other guys may not resonate

00:04:11.840 with others, even ones that I've recommended. But, uh, these are books that I have seen as being

00:04:18.540 valuable in my life. Uh, these are books that I have seen impact and affect positively hundreds,

00:04:25.120 thousands, millions of men across the planet. And so we choose books that I think will help

00:04:30.220 coincide nicely with the subject of the month. Now, sometimes we get it right. And sometimes we

00:04:37.540 get it wrong. Uh, we did last month for the month of October, 48 laws of power by Robert green.

00:04:43.860 And that was hit or miss. You know, a lot of guys really enjoyed that book. And frankly,

00:04:47.520 a lot of guys hated the idea that we were actually going to use that book and thought it was

00:04:51.740 arrogance or ego driven. And so you're not going to resonate with anything,

00:04:55.280 but that's life. Right. And so it's always funny when I hear people on social media say,

00:05:00.760 you know, I agree with you 90% of the time, but the other 10% of the time you're wrong.

00:05:04.540 Yeah, that's life, right? Like I think generally we've been conditioned to believe that the,

00:05:11.620 you know, the customer is always right. You know, we hear that a lot. The customer is always right.

00:05:16.400 That's not true. The opposite is probably true. The customer is usually wrong. But that being said,

00:05:24.720 I think we live in this really interesting time where we have access to social media and news and

00:05:31.120 information, and we can curate our social media feeds so that we create these echo chambers where

00:05:38.640 we can find people who just support our already belief or held beliefs. And I think it's good,

00:05:46.660 right? The iron council can be an element of that, right? You're finding like-minded men.

00:05:51.100 I think that's good. But I think if we over curate our lives to the point where we can't have

00:05:57.840 meaningful conversations with people that might disagree with us, we're limiting ourselves to growth.

00:06:02.920 I'll give you an example. I went hunting. Like I said, I've been hunting for the past couple of

00:06:08.380 weeks now. And I went hunting in Colorado for elk. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to harvest an elk,

00:06:13.580 but a lot of great memories, a lot of great relationship building opportunities and some

00:06:18.360 new friends and some old ones as well. And I was talking with somebody that I had not previously

00:06:23.700 met. His name is Amal Easton. He runs Easton academies, which is a Brazilian jujitsu academies.

00:06:29.100 I believe he's got seven of them in the Colorado area. So if you're in Colorado, look them up

00:06:34.400 again, Amal Easton, Easton Academy. And, uh, him and I agreed on a lot of things and we actually

00:06:40.640 disagreed on a lot of things. And it was actually very refreshing to be able to sit down and talk

00:06:44.560 with him about the things that we agreed on and the things that we disagreed on, but in a civil way,

00:06:49.680 you know, we talked about politics, which I know is taboo, you know, but we did talk about politics

00:06:55.500 and him and I didn't agree on a whole lot, but we had a civil conversation and expanded my,

00:07:00.940 my eyes and my brain to things I hadn't considered before. And I hope that he would say the same.

00:07:07.340 So it is valuable to look for information that is different, that, uh, we may not readily agree

00:07:12.660 with, but if a book is terrible, I mean, just put the book down. There's thousands, if not millions

00:07:17.640 of other books that you can read that are going to resonate more deeply with you. But, but consider

00:07:22.520 the motive. Why is it that you're putting this down? Is it because it's challenging your thoughts,

00:07:26.300 which I would say is a, is a positive, or is it because you just don't like it? And in that case,

00:07:31.580 if that's the case, then just put it down, read a different book. All right, there we go. Okay.

00:07:37.080 Addison McGarrity says, gentlemen, I have a question regarding the quote unquote rites of passages for

00:07:42.060 our sons. Excuse me. I have sons that are 11, nine, six, and four. Congratulations on having four

00:07:48.080 sons. That's amazing. I think we need to raise and bring into this world a powerful army of,

00:07:53.760 of righteous and noble boys and young men and eventually men. And, uh, to have four boys,

00:07:59.960 11, nine, six, and four is awesome. I love it. Uh, it is a new concept for me and something I want

00:08:05.860 to incorporate. Again, he's talking about rite of passages here. At what age should I start? And what

00:08:11.240 do rites of passages entail? I would love some input. Thank you for everything you're doing in

00:08:15.500 the iron council. It has changed my life. Addison. Great to hear that. That's what I'm, that's,

00:08:20.460 that's what we're trying to do, right? We're trying to change your life and in turn, change

00:08:24.080 your family's life and colleagues and coworkers and friends and community members and et cetera,

00:08:28.840 et cetera. So if you are interested in more in depth on the rite of passage idea, I would go back

00:08:35.080 and I would just type in rites of passage order of man, wherever you're doing the podcasting thing.

00:08:39.880 And you will find two, if not three podcasts specifically designated for the rites of passage

00:08:46.640 idea. But that said, let me answer this for you. Uh, I've got three boys and one daughter.

00:08:53.900 Uh, my boys, I'll just say all my kids is age. They're, they're 12, uh, nine, six, and four.

00:08:59.920 And for rites of passages, I start them at age eight and I do them every two years. I don't think

00:09:06.220 a rite of passage is a one-time thing. Like they hit 16 and then you do a rite of passage and then

00:09:10.460 you wash your hands and you're done. I choose to look at it and think this is a series of passages

00:09:16.040 that they have to go through in order to ensure that they are equipped with the tools and the

00:09:23.380 resources and the mindsets they need to thrive in their lives. And then also I can figure out where

00:09:31.020 the weaknesses are and where I may have fallen short through the course of their lives, uh, to be

00:09:37.340 able to influence them positively. So again, I start that at eight years old. I think any earlier than

00:09:43.660 eight, I mean, you're going to be coaching them, right? You're going to be on their t-ball teams

00:09:48.420 and their soccer teams. And you're going to be doing that. You're going to be there for dinner

00:09:52.140 with them. You're going to be present in their lives. I just think before eight doing some sort

00:09:58.140 of ritual or rite of passage is just going to fall on deaf ears. I really do. Um, they're just,

00:10:03.680 I just think they're incapable at that point before eight years old to really understand what it is

00:10:09.600 going to be talking with them about. So again, I do want it eight, 10, 12, 14, 16, 18, right? So

00:10:16.140 every year, or excuse me, every two years from the time they're eight years old. So that gives us

00:10:20.460 five opportunities to be able to go through this stuff. I think it's, is it five or six? Let's see.

00:10:26.140 Eight, 10, 12, 14, 16, 18. So that's six, six rites of passages. And some common elements I would

00:10:34.260 include is it has to be challenging. Like I'm not talking about going and putting yourself up in the,

00:10:39.500 the Ritz Carlton and putting yourself up in a five-star hotel and just like eating bonbons and

00:10:43.740 watching movies for the weekend. That's, that would be fun for sure, but that's not a rite of passage.

00:10:49.420 It's got to be challenging. So for my eight-year-olds, uh, and I've had to do this now at this point,

00:10:55.460 uh, we went in and climbed a, a little peak in the Southern Utah Valley, which is called Molly's

00:11:02.960 Nipple. Uh, and we, we climbed the face of it. So it's not an easy hike. Uh, it's not a long hike,

00:11:09.460 but it's steep. It's very steep. And then what we've done is we've camped at the top of it.

00:11:14.380 So you've got to have challenge. And both of my sons actually really struggled. You know,

00:11:20.680 they had to stop and take a breather and say, this was dumb and I hate this. And I don't want to do this.

00:11:24.920 Let's just go home. And that's part of the point is that they actually had to struggle and deal with it

00:11:30.820 and overcome adversity and overcome hardship. So challenge is something that needs to be built

00:11:36.520 into every rite of passage. Also instruction needs to be built into every rite of passage.

00:11:42.740 Now, what you decide to instruct them on is going to be entirely up to you. But we did a series of

00:11:47.440 tasks from finding different things that I had laid out before. And we did some, uh, some geocaching

00:11:55.440 to building a fire, to shooting a rifle, to using a Leatherman tool. These are all things that I've

00:12:05.320 built into the program, the rite of passage series so that I know my child can actually deal with these

00:12:11.900 situations. And then we're having conversations specifically about sex, drugs, pornography,

00:12:18.920 what it means to be a man. One of the things I do for my, when my, my two oldest boys have turned

00:12:25.320 eight is I go to the store and I buy these little animal figurines and I buy a little lion cub and I

00:12:32.520 buy a full male adult lion, uh, these little figurines. And I use this as an object lesson

00:12:40.600 and I show them here's where you are right now. You're this cub and here's who you have the potential

00:12:45.880 to become this lion King. And what is it going to take for you to become, for you to transition or

00:12:52.820 move from this cub, this boy that you are right now to this King, who you have the potential to become.

00:12:58.500 And we talk about protect, provide, preside guys. The reason I talk about protect, provide,

00:13:03.300 preside is because it's a framework. I was talking with my oldest son today about systems and why

00:13:09.080 systems are so important and how they can help you be more efficient and productive in your life.

00:13:14.520 And the protect, provide, preside model, we'll call it is nothing more than a framework or a system

00:13:20.700 that we use to be able to articulate ideas and thoughts in a meaningful and simplified way so

00:13:27.760 that we can use it to our advantage, to improve our lives and the lives of the people that we have

00:13:32.260 responsibility for. So use it guys. It's there. Use the protect, provide, preside model, talk with

00:13:38.600 your sons and even your daughter or daughters about what that means and how that can apply to their life

00:13:45.200 and what their roles and responsibilities are in life. And I know people, especially in modern times,

00:13:51.760 it's quite pathetic actually, will really buck the idea of these roles that men and women have to play.

00:13:58.300 And what a, what a misguided idea. If people didn't believe that we were here and put here and,

00:14:05.140 and in evolved over hundreds of thousands of years to be the type of men and for our, our women,

00:14:12.120 for them to be the type of women that they have the potential to become. And why would they want

00:14:16.720 to be anything different than that? I can't for the life of me, figure out why any parent would

00:14:22.680 rob their child, their boy, their son of the opportunity to be a man. And gentlemen, it's far

00:14:29.480 beyond their biological makeup. That's the prerequisite. Sure. But being a man goes far beyond having a,

00:14:38.180 a dick and balls. Same thing with, with, with a young girl, it goes well beyond her genitalia.

00:14:46.860 It goes well beyond her, her makeup, you know, her physical makeup. And it gets into who, who she and

00:14:54.920 who your boys have the potential to become. And why would a parent or why would society strip their

00:15:00.320 child of the opportunity to step into the calling of man or woman? What a shame. What a shame.

00:15:07.600 I feel like I'm getting a little off track here, Addison, but I hope that helps go back and check

00:15:12.160 out the podcast. Cause I think that's really going to help you. Uh, and again, I commend you.

00:15:16.720 You want to do this. You want to do this, right? You've got boys who are primed for it. You've got

00:15:20.760 an 11 and nine year old. Uh, so get started quick. You've got your six and four year old who are coming

00:15:25.980 up quick. So get after it. It's going to be fulfilling and rewarding for you. And it's going to be

00:15:30.400 very advantageous for them. All right. Next question, Blake Gann, where do you draw the line

00:15:37.300 on what you'll allow a guest to talk about on your show and why? You know, I don't have a line.

00:15:42.660 Actually, one thing that I recognize that I need to do a little bit better at is bringing guests on

00:15:48.100 that challenge the status quo. And this goes into a previous question that was asked about, uh, if the,

00:15:54.260 the terrible books, for example, that may have been chosen as the book of the month,

00:15:58.900 but just differing opinions. So we've got, uh, some guests coming up who I actually don't agree

00:16:05.960 with on nearly anything because that's going to challenge me, which is good. That's what I want.

00:16:12.360 And it's going to challenge you and it's going to challenge them and everybody's going to be better

00:16:15.960 off for it. So, uh, you know, I think if somebody is talking about violence, maybe, and not that

00:16:24.000 they've done violence in the past, but like encouraging people to be violent, I would say

00:16:28.120 that's probably not something we would address, uh, or criminal or immoral. You know, I wouldn't,

00:16:35.920 I would put a shut, I would shut that down. But outside of that, yeah, let's talk about it all,

00:16:40.320 man. I'm open. I want to talk about it all. It's important that we talk about it all.

00:16:44.040 And unfortunately we have this, this weird thing where, you know, there, there is an increasing

00:16:49.460 regularity of censorship and, and, and making sure that, you know, we say the quote unquote

00:16:54.820 right things. Well, I don't have those restraints. I'm not constrained by what the, the establishment

00:17:01.080 would tell us we can and can't talk about. So let's talk about it all. I mean, what a great place

00:17:04.740 to do it. Eric Arneson, what's your definition of success? My definition of success is very simply

00:17:14.100 autonomy. That's it. It's one word. It's autonomy and autonomy is doing what you want, when you want,

00:17:20.460 why you want, how you want. It's just, it's sovereignty, right? We've talked about sovereignty.

00:17:24.560 I wrote a book called sovereignty, by the way, I'm in the very, very early stages of another book.

00:17:29.440 So be on the lookout for that. You heard it here first. It's the first time I ever talked about it

00:17:33.360 publicly, but, um, yeah, guys, my definition of success is autonomy. And the closer that you can move

00:17:38.760 towards doing what you want, when you want to do it, why, and how you want to do it, the more

00:17:42.620 successful that you are, that's going to require you to be physically fit. That's going to require

00:17:46.660 you to be financially independent and free. That's going to require you to be an independent

00:17:50.840 thinker. It's going to require a lot from you, but if you can work towards that, then you too

00:17:55.400 will be successful. I am not the pinnacle of my success in life, but I'm working towards it.

00:18:01.820 And I realized that the more control I have over my own life, the more autonomous I am, the better off

00:18:09.160 I'm going to be in the better off the people around me are very simple answer for me. The

00:18:12.940 definition of the success is very simply autonomy. And sometimes that means I'm going to do this

00:18:18.060 podcast. And other times it means I'm going to take off at three o'clock in the afternoon,

00:18:21.320 and I'm going to go spend time with my family, which is what I did today. It's a, as of this

00:18:25.640 recording, it's four 30 in the afternoon, because you know, when I got into work for 15 today, PM,

00:18:32.800 because the rest of the day I was spending with my mother who happened to be in town

00:18:35.740 and was playing with, with my immediate family until four 15. And I'm going to work for an hour

00:18:43.080 today. That's it. And when this podcast is done, which will be about five o'clock, my time as of

00:18:48.540 the recording, I'm going to go downstairs and I'm going to have dinner with my family, my wife and my

00:18:52.640 children. We're going to play, we're going to wrestle. Maybe we'll watch a movie. I don't know.

00:18:56.420 I don't know what we're going to do, but that's success to me. And I'm not beholden to anybody else.

00:19:00.980 Nobody's telling me when to punch in and when to punch out. And I don't have to go beg a boss to tell me,

00:19:05.040 please, you know, sir, can I go watch my son play baseball? Screw that. Screw that.

00:19:12.380 Look, if you're in that position, whatever you do, it works for you. If that's what you want to do,

00:19:16.980 then that's autonomy. But if it's not, then you got to figure out a way to get out of that and get

00:19:21.400 yourself in a position where you're not asking other people how to manage and run your life.

00:19:27.560 Aaron goats battle team echo. He says he's the XO for battle team echo and iron council.

00:19:32.980 When was the last time either of you allowed your ego to get in the way of making a correct

00:19:38.300 decision? Aaron, you know, I can't think of anything right off hand specifically.

00:19:43.660 Um, well, I'll give, I'll give you a small example. Uh, about two weeks ago or so I was

00:19:50.760 training jujitsu with, uh, Brody Cousineau. He's my training partner in the mornings and we were

00:19:57.300 training and he had me in a, in a, in Americana and I won't get into the details, but he had me

00:20:01.980 in a, in an arm lock, essentially shoulder lock, I guess it is. And, uh, he was cranking on that

00:20:08.560 thing. And I thought I had enough room. I really did. I thought I had enough room to escape and I

00:20:14.360 probably should have just tapped, but that was my ego. I'm like, I don't want to tap. I want to do

00:20:18.800 that. And, uh, I waited a little too long and he kept cranking on that thing. And I heard a pop

00:20:24.760 and immediately I tapped when I heard that pop, it didn't hurt, but I heard it. And I was like,

00:20:29.780 tap, tap, tap. And, uh, oh man, I immediately regretted just, just the arrogance. Like I should

00:20:38.040 have just tapped and said, Hey, you got me here. Let's like reset and start over. And so I thought I

00:20:44.080 was in serious trouble. I was talking to my buddy, Pete, and he said, he said, Oh, you're going to be

00:20:48.140 out for two weeks. So great. So really, really tightened up that afternoon, that evening. Like

00:20:54.320 it was tight from this. I don't know what it was, but a pop in my elbow. And the next morning I woke

00:21:00.560 up and it felt amazing. I was at like 98% the next morning. So I was very fortunate, but that's a

00:21:09.460 small example. I know, Aaron, you're probably looking for something greater than that. I mean, I let my ego

00:21:13.760 get in the way every day from responding to people on social media, to responding to people

00:21:19.100 on emails, to the way I talk with my wife and kids, to the way I train in jujitsu. This is not uncommon

00:21:25.840 for me, allowing my ego to get in the way. Holy cow. Sometimes I wish I was more humble and I

00:21:33.140 certainly can work on that. And I should work on that. And I am working on that. Uh, but it seems

00:21:39.180 to be a painstaking process and I have to learn a lot of lessons the hard way. So I'm trying,

00:21:45.720 man, I'm trying, but you're talking, you're asking about humility, uh, from the wrong guy

00:21:52.060 here. All right. And this is something I recognize I need to be aware of and need to work on. And

00:21:56.240 that's where I'm at. All right. Charles Phillip. He says, after listening to your podcast, I understand

00:22:02.960 the changing point in your life. When you started to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, uh, and make

00:22:09.100 changes in life that you needed. Uh, what was the single most important thing that you changed

00:22:16.360 beside your mindset that you needed to work on yourself rather than give your power to others?

00:22:23.100 Man, there's a lot to unpack here, Charles. Like there's not ever one single thing. That's the trap.

00:22:29.040 That's the trap. You know, people ask me questions like this all the time. What's the one thing you

00:22:34.240 would do differently? One thing's not enough guys. There's so many variables, you know,

00:22:41.000 to go back to Aaron's question about ego getting in the way of making the correct decision. So is

00:22:46.320 humility enough? Like if you were just humble, would that be enough? No, of course. What about

00:22:52.560 hardworking? If you were just hardworking, you just put your head down and you just grinded it out.

00:22:58.120 Would that be enough? No, I know a lot of hardworking people that are not successful.

00:23:03.020 So it's, it's never one thing. It's, it's a myriad of things. It's a collection of things

00:23:09.980 and it's doing them in the right combination and then having feedback and listening to that feedback

00:23:14.900 and applying and growing and learning and tweaking and adjusting. That's why the battle plan is so

00:23:19.740 important. But in all fairness to your question, what is the most important thing that you changed?

00:23:26.020 I'll give you a few important things. I hired coaches. So to Aaron's question earlier, I let

00:23:31.620 go of the ego and I hired coaches specifically in my, my financial planning practice. I got around

00:23:37.280 good and inspiring men. I started filling my mind with great information like podcasts and books on

00:23:44.800 CD at the time. Uh, and I was reading a lot. I picked up and develop new hobbies and activities

00:23:51.780 that were wholesome and uplifting and edifying to me, things that I was excited about and things

00:23:56.360 that I could engage in and be positive with not drinking or drugs or pornography or any other sedation

00:24:02.260 methods, but reading books, picking up the guitar, learning how to hunt, learning how to work,

00:24:07.700 uh, do woodworking, all of these types of things I picked up. And that was good for my mind and body

00:24:12.860 and soul. So there's three or four things for you. It's not, um, it's not like groundbreaking or earth

00:24:22.800 shattering. There's not new information to you, but you do have to apply it. And the more you do,

00:24:27.600 the better off you'll be. All right. Bob Monroe, Ryan, would you consider running for political office?

00:24:33.680 Uh, I would consider it, but it isn't on my radar now. Maybe the next five to 10 years.

00:24:41.740 I haven't got little ones at home. I'm more, I'm more concerned about ensuring that I'm here and

00:24:47.100 available and present for them. I'm stretched thin as it is with a couple of different businesses and

00:24:52.020 my hobbies and activities. And, but I do see a need for strong, righteous men running for political

00:24:58.960 office. And so it scares me frankly, a little bit. Why would I want to subject myself and my family to the

00:25:03.580 the nightmare that is running for office? But, um, yeah, I think it might be in my carts,

00:25:10.120 but I don't know right now. I've got my head down on the iron council order of man, my family,

00:25:16.680 my hobbies and activities, but I do see it something as a, as a being on the horizon. We'll see. We'll see.

00:25:23.520 All right. Chris Gatchko. Chris, good to hear from you. A lot of these guys have been around forever.

00:25:28.000 Bob's been around forever. Chris has been around forever. Aaron's been around forever. These are all

00:25:31.860 guys in the iron council. Love these guys. Appreciate what they do. I'm glad that they're with

00:25:35.080 us. Uh, he says, what is your battle plan look like? What are the objectives and tactics that

00:25:40.000 you guys have? How is it going so far this quarter? You know, for me, um, the biggest thing right now

00:25:46.200 for me is that, uh, I'm, I'm hunting. That's a big deal for me. So my objectives for the quarter

00:25:54.480 were really, really focused on the hunting side of things, uh, from a business perspective,

00:26:01.700 it was very, very focused on, uh, ensuring that I'm getting, uh, and booking high quality guests.

00:26:09.440 So that's going very well. And in fact, I hired somebody to ensure that was the case.

00:26:15.120 Uh, and then from a personal perspective, uh, this is more of a contribution objective and we can get

00:26:22.000 into that another day, or a lot of you guys are probably familiar with these four quadrants.

00:26:26.200 So from a contribution objective is to get some things done at home. Specifically,

00:26:30.220 I need to insulate the attic and I need to move the store to the attic because we have outgrown

00:26:37.500 our current space. So we continue to grow in the store, which is good. So I'm continuing to go with

00:26:42.880 that. And then my condition objective is a body fat percentage. So I've been working hard on that.

00:26:48.720 And in fact, I will be starting 75 hard again, very, very soon, uh, because I failed quite honestly.

00:26:55.700 Uh, so we're going to be starting that again and we're going to be getting after that. So, uh,

00:27:02.280 it's been going good. The hunts are done and out of the way. So I actually need to recalibrate those,

00:27:06.900 uh, the connection objectives, which is high caliber podcast guests have been secured. My goal has

00:27:13.280 been met for the quarter, fourth quarter. So I need to recalibrate that, but I'm still working

00:27:18.700 on the condition and the contribution objective. Again, the condition is the, the body fat percentage

00:27:24.360 and the contribution objective is to make sure I get the store set up. So insulation has been

00:27:30.560 ordered. Paneling has been ordered. New racks have been ordered. I appreciate the support from you

00:27:35.680 guys. We're moving it upstairs and it's going to be awesome. I'm looking forward to it. So that's

00:27:40.240 where I'm at with the, uh, with my, uh, objectives for the quarter. All right, let's go to Roger Taylor.

00:27:47.520 And this is, uh, the last question for the iron council. He says, what is your favorite type of art

00:27:54.160 broadly defined? Um, I don't know. I, I honestly, I don't know. I don't care. I mean, if I see something

00:28:04.380 that I appreciate, I appreciate awesome in my studio, I've got woodworking things here. I've got

00:28:11.480 poems. I've got, uh, something written, uh, the man in the arena by Teddy Roosevelt. I've got a poem

00:28:18.700 written by my son. I've got an ink painting written here. Uh, I've got an oil painting on my wall. I've

00:28:28.000 gotten my guitar. I'm not very artistically inclined. Um, but I've got a lot of stuff in here.

00:28:37.480 I love books. I think that's a form of art. You know, people are putting their information out

00:28:41.860 there. I've got drawing from my kids last night, my wife and children and my mother and, and, and my

00:28:48.260 kids, uh, we all did, we all sat down for about an hour and did watercolor painting. So that was fun.

00:28:53.900 Had a good time with that. Yeah. I mean, I've got my skulls here from previous hunt

00:29:01.540 hunts that I've been on. And so these guys are, they're definitely artistic when it comes to creating

00:29:06.740 these Euro mounts. I like it all. I like it all. So not a favorite, but if I like it, I'm all about

00:29:14.980 it. All right. This next one's a little bit long here. It's from Douglas Farnsworth. He says,

00:29:20.300 wife's going through a tough time, uh, works from home, takes care of two kids.

00:29:24.860 Feels like she has no friends, no life. Uh, well, you know, that might be true. I'm going to get into

00:29:28.940 the rest of this. I haven't read these questions ahead of time, but, uh, I can certainly appreciate

00:29:33.480 that. My wife stays home and she takes care of four kids. She works from home because she's a

00:29:37.780 homemaker. And sometimes she feels very much the same back to Douglas's question, gaining weight and

00:29:43.840 feels constantly tired. I offer to kids to do whatever it takes for her to take control.

00:29:48.120 I try to join her in getting out. I usually get things like, uh, you get to do whatever you want.

00:29:55.200 How am I supposed to find time? Or I don't have time. I have too much to do. How do I effectively

00:30:00.880 listen to her and guide her? And this is a very, I can, I can see, I can sense the frustration in

00:30:06.160 this question. I understand as a man, I try to fix, and she definitely makes me aware. That's not what

00:30:12.180 she wants. She just wants someone to talk to, but it's been like this for years and seemingly

00:30:16.740 getting worse since our youngest has been having some type of auto-inflammatory disorder. She's

00:30:21.320 dwelling into the, into that constantly web MDing the kid. I mean, she's got some stuff here,

00:30:26.740 man. You need to, she's about to explode here, Douglas. She's about to explode. And so are you,

00:30:31.860 by the way, I'm going to keep going with this question. I know my chaos isn't helping. Yeah.

00:30:35.840 There's a lot of chaos here. As you may remember from my last question, I did ice carving, switch gears

00:30:40.620 after COVID, do sales now, applying to LEO, firefighter. Holy cow, Douglas at ease, at ease

00:30:49.300 for you and your wife. All right. Let me keep going. Also, I have a once a month outing going

00:30:55.020 shooting or something for myself. I know it's a lot to process. Yeah, bro. I'm exhausted. Let alone

00:31:01.020 you are. I write this with a baby in arms scrambling to get them ready for bed the next day. Also trying to

00:31:06.400 be short and sweet. Thank you for answering my last message, brother. Like I said before, at ease,

00:31:13.720 relax, take a deep breath. You're doing too much. You're trying to do everything. So maybe pick a

00:31:26.400 thing, not all the things. All right. Pick a thing. You've got work, you've got family. What are you,

00:31:34.960 what are you doing for work? Like, what is it? Okay. You're, you're, you're doing ice carvings and

00:31:40.520 then you switched gears and now you're doing sales and now you're applying to LEO and now a firefighter.

00:31:45.540 And then you're thinking about the medical field. Pick one brother, pick one, not seven.

00:31:53.740 It's the old adage. The man who chases two rabbits catches none. What the hell are you going to pick?

00:31:59.480 You're not at a stage right now where you can do 27 different things, but you can do one.

00:32:07.360 Is it the medical field? Go all in. Is it firefighter? Go all in. Is it sales? Go all in.

00:32:18.440 You understand what I'm saying? Go all in. Do it. Pick one. Go all in.

00:32:24.000 You can do the medical field later. If you choose to do sales now, you can do LEO or firefighter later.

00:32:31.140 If you choose to do medical now, pick one. I'm telling you here, here's the thing about men and

00:32:37.280 women. She's acting like you are. She's acting like you are. You're chaotic. You're stressed out.

00:32:46.260 You're stressed for time. And you're, you even said there's chaos in your life. You said that

00:32:52.280 she wants to be led by you. So when you're chaotic, what do you think she's going to be

00:32:58.320 chaotic when you're calm and you're cool and you're collected and you know your path and you're walking

00:33:09.320 your path, what do you think she's going to do? She's going to do the same. How do I know? I know

00:33:16.360 by experience, man. I was the same as you, Douglas. I was running around and trying to figure out what

00:33:23.560 I'm going to do and kids and wife and this and that and friends and hobbies and this, this pursuit

00:33:29.400 and this career. And I was all over the place. And guess what? My wife was all over the place.

00:33:36.120 Women want to be led by strong, capable, confident men, but they'll be led by incompetent men too.

00:33:44.020 And I'm not saying you're incompetent. I'm saying she's learning from you.

00:33:50.160 Ground yourself, brother. Ground yourself. Pick something. You know, stop talking about what

00:33:57.400 she wants to do and what she needs. You don't even know what you need.

00:34:00.940 And this is why I talk about leading yourself first. How in the world are you going to lead

00:34:11.460 her if you can't lead yourself, man? Pick one. Go all in. Be the best damn firefighter that ever

00:34:21.920 walked the face of the earth. Be the best sales associate that your company has ever seen.

00:34:30.940 seen in the history of their organization. Go all in. And when she sees you being stable

00:34:40.260 and steady and secure like a rock, what do you think she's going to do? She's going to

00:34:46.860 step up to the plate. So I'm not even going to get into what she needs to do. I've got some ideas

00:34:50.960 here, but that's part B. That's part Z. Part A is getting yourself dialed in, Douglas.

00:35:01.280 Get yourself dialed in. All right. Do the battle plan. Go pick up a battle planner in the store.

00:35:09.080 Go through the battle ready program. It's a free, it's free. It's a 30 day battle,

00:35:14.180 battle ready program, order a man.com slash battle ready. Go through it, do it, get it done,

00:35:20.360 dial it in, get to work. And then when you get all that stuff lined out, I would actually be willing

00:35:26.200 to bet that you won't even need to ask me about what she needs to do because she's going to be

00:35:32.840 led effectively by you, the man of the house, the patriarch. So get it done. All right, man.

00:35:38.080 By the way, I say that with all the love I have for you in my heart, man, I want you to thrive.

00:35:43.980 I want you to succeed. I want you to win, but I'm not going to coddle you and I'm not going to

00:35:48.860 pander to you. And I'm not going to tell you everything's going to be okay. This is on you.

00:35:53.960 And for any man who resonates with what Douglas is saying, it's on you too. It's not on me.

00:35:59.660 It's not on your wife. It's not on the president or the economy or the government or anybody else that

00:36:05.600 you wish could swoop in and rescue you from all your problems. You solve that shit. You got

00:36:09.640 yourself into that hole. You figure a way out. And when you figure a way out, whether that's a

00:36:17.460 ladder or clawing through the dirt to build steps, when you figure your way out of that pit, only then

00:36:25.340 will you be capable of leading others to do the same. Nobody's going to do it. You're all in the

00:36:31.240 pit together. She's looking at you like, Hey, what are we going to do here?

00:36:35.600 She's not going to do it because you're the man you do it. And then you light the path and allow her

00:36:44.980 to step in the same footing that you did. All right. I think you get the point. Jason for tribe.

00:36:52.640 What are the best things, biggest drawbacks you've seen in home educating your children,

00:36:56.860 man? I'm telling you, I made a post the other day about homeschooling my children. And you would,

00:37:01.520 you would have sworn that, you know, I dropped the atomic bomb on some of these people. Like,

00:37:05.080 oh, how could you say it? Oh, you're so insensitive. Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah. Damn.

00:37:13.760 If homeschooling is not for you, fine. So be it. But I'm telling you, it's for more of you than

00:37:18.760 you think. Because we've been doing it for two years right now. And it's the best decision we've

00:37:23.180 made with regards to our children than we ever have in the past 12 years of having kids.

00:37:27.520 To shouldering the responsibility of educating our children.

00:37:33.260 I can hear it in your voices already. Oh, but Ryan, you don't know my situation. I don't care

00:37:38.260 about your situation. Don't take that out of context. I care about you. I care about you thriving

00:37:47.960 and winning, but I don't think your situation is all that unique. It isn't special. It isn't any

00:37:56.880 different than mine or the thousands of other men who listen to this podcast. You're not unique.

00:38:02.320 You don't live on some Island. We blow up that Island. There's millions of other men who are in

00:38:08.120 the same boat as you. And every time you say, well, my situation is unique. You can be sure that

00:38:13.400 there's millions of other men who are saying the same damn thing about the same shit you're

00:38:18.500 bitching about. So if homeschooling is not for you, so be it. If you don't see the value in it,

00:38:26.460 so be it. But if you think, oh, wow, you don't know my, I would like to do that, but you don't

00:38:30.960 know my situation. I know your situation. I've been in your situation, man. I used to,

00:38:38.160 I used to walk paths, literal dirt paths in the sod of my grass in my, you know, 0.2 acre

00:38:45.540 lot, wondering how I was going to make the mortgage payment. I've been in your situation.

00:38:53.540 I got in an argument with my wife one day and I said, I don't even want to be married to you.

00:38:57.520 And she looked at me straight in the eye and she said, I don't want to be married to you either.

00:39:03.580 I've been in your situation.

00:39:05.220 I know what it's like.

00:39:12.400 So don't tell me that I don't understand or that your situation is unique. Now, Jason,

00:39:19.160 I'm not pointing this at you. I don't think you're even asking that. I'm getting a little

00:39:22.740 off track here, but I get sick and tired of men pretending like their situation is some,

00:39:28.540 some circumstance that no man in the history of, of, of homo sapiens has ever dealt with in their

00:39:35.560 life. We all have. So if homeschooling is not for you, cool. Keep sending your kids to private

00:39:45.500 or public school. And I wish you the best. I want you to thrive. I want them to thrive.

00:39:48.820 Excuse me. It's not like I don't want them to thrive. I want them to, but I'll tell you why

00:39:54.680 it's been valuable for us because I know my kids intimately. I know them intimately. I have four.

00:40:00.560 I don't have 27 kids. I have four kids, four. I can handle four kids. I know what they're like.

00:40:08.560 I know their personalities. I know their desires. I know what that makes them tick. I know how to push

00:40:14.300 their buttons. I know all that. Why? Cause I spend every waking minute with them, which I love by the

00:40:20.520 way. So I know them. You think a school teacher and bless our school teachers heart. So please

00:40:27.140 don't take this out of context and misunderstand me. Bless our school teachers. You think a school

00:40:33.280 teacher that has 35 children in his or her classroom understands and is intimate and deeply connected

00:40:40.460 with the 35 kids or more that he or she has in her classroom? Of course not. It's not a knock on

00:40:47.060 school teachers. They're doing the best they can with the system they've been presented. I know my

00:40:52.840 children intimately. My daughter might be slightly dyslexic, but she's smart. So she could have fooled

00:41:01.880 a school teacher with 35 kids. And again, that's not meant as a slight to a school teacher. It means that

00:41:07.240 they couldn't have seen it. Cause she's got 35 kids in her class. I've got four. And I spent every

00:41:14.800 waking minute with them walking around the yard, learning how to hunt, coloring, doing watercolors,

00:41:23.500 wrestling, putting them to bed, singing them songs. I know my children intimately. I know what make them

00:41:31.380 makes them tick. I know what they're about. I know when they struggle. I know when they succeed.

00:41:39.480 I can see it. I know what resonates best with them. I know what doesn't resonate with them. I know all of

00:41:45.460 that. Also, I can teach them real world experiences outside of a classroom setting. School teachers can't

00:41:53.380 do that. Again, none of this is meant to be a slight to school teachers. If you're a school teacher,

00:41:58.020 I commend you. I can't think of a more honorable, thankless job than what you're doing.

00:42:04.300 You are amazing. I would never want to do what you do. I don't think I could.

00:42:13.900 It's difficult. It's challenging, but you know what? I have an advantage. Some people will say,

00:42:20.280 well, school teachers been trained. They've been trained. What have they been trained to do?

00:42:24.940 How to, how to do paperwork, how to cut through the red tape, how to teach a classroom of 30.

00:42:38.260 That's no more advantageous than what I've been training for for the past 12 years with kids.

00:42:43.880 How to lead as a father. I mean, school teachers don't learn trig. They don't learn calculus. I don't

00:42:51.420 either, by the way. I'm just saying they're no more qualified than I am. I'm more qualified.

00:42:56.000 I get to teach my children world work, real, real world experiences.

00:43:02.460 My two oldest boys, they work with me in the store and we learn about math and we learn about

00:43:06.620 inventory and we learn about systems and we learn about messing up and making things right and how

00:43:11.340 to email and the technology we use and inventory and how to check things in and how to check things

00:43:16.680 out and how to see if we're over or short on supplies. I take my oldest son, a son hunting

00:43:21.340 right now because we're in the season every single day. And I take them, teach them patience.

00:43:27.680 And I teach them how to be quiet and listen.

00:43:32.580 And I teach them about blending in with the environment.

00:43:36.620 And I teach them about shooting a firearm. You think a school teacher can do that? Of course not.

00:43:42.080 I have the advantage. I have the advantage. And I spend every day with them all day, every day.

00:43:53.500 And I have four and I know them intimately. And I love school teachers. Some of my most incredible

00:44:01.460 mentors in life. And the one that I'm thinking of right off hand is Matt Labrum, school teacher,

00:44:06.780 had him for a couple of classes, but he was more of a coach than anything else.

00:44:10.080 And I admire that and respect that man more than anybody else close to you on this planet.

00:44:18.780 And he's a school teacher. So I'm not diminishing the value of school teachers. I'm just saying I'm

00:44:24.180 more qualified to do it. And so are you. The biggest drawback of course, obviously is that they don't

00:44:32.440 get to spend all day every day with their friends. And there's a social drawback to that. We're aware

00:44:40.400 of that. So we get them involved in jujitsu and competitive sports and homeschooling co-ops where

00:44:46.020 they can be around and meet other kids. We have neighbors that live right down the road. I do events

00:44:51.080 in my house. My children are comfortable around a hundred other men who are in our house,

00:44:59.280 in our barn, learning from me. They see me present to a hundred men at a time.

00:45:07.160 They interact. I remember last year, my good friend, Brandon Lilly, a lot of you guys know him,

00:45:11.580 big tattooed from head to toe, intimidating, opposing figure, kindest guy you'll ever meet,

00:45:19.700 but scary. Like if you never, if you didn't know him and you just looked at him, you'd be

00:45:23.420 intimidated. Okay. You guys know Brandon Lilly, kind, gentle, loving soul, intimidating as hell.

00:45:32.980 I remember vividly my son, my 12 year old son walked up to him last year

00:45:37.400 and he walked straight up to him and he looked straight in his eyes and he extended his hands.

00:45:45.100 And he says, hi, Brandon, my name is Brecken. These are socialized children.

00:45:52.680 The biggest drawback is the lack of social element, but you know what? That I recognize

00:45:57.420 that my wife recognizes that. And so we do what we can to ensure that they have opportunities

00:46:01.720 to be social, to learn from other men and other women, to go to CrossFit, to have neighbors that

00:46:08.360 we spend time with, to go to co-ops, to play sports, because we wreck, we don't want to be

00:46:13.180 the weird homeschool people. We don't want them to be the weird people. We want them to be able to

00:46:18.480 connect with kids. And that's the biggest drawback, but if you acknowledge it and you shore up those

00:46:22.880 gaps, you'll be fine. Anyways, man, let me step down from that soapbox for a minute, Jason, but

00:46:28.040 that's, that's my answer. Okay. I hope that helps. All right, let's keep going here.

00:46:36.680 Jerem Atkinson, how to help your wife be more independent. You know, Jerem, there might be a

00:46:42.760 time where you just need to wash your hands to a degree and say, Hey, you know what, hon,

00:46:46.520 I'm going to hang out with the guys tonight. Hope you have fun. And you, and in a way you kind of

00:46:52.440 thrust her into having to make some decisions on her own because I've, I've seen this and I've

00:46:57.480 recognized this in women where at times they'll just, not all women are like this. And this is

00:47:02.600 not a knock on women at all, but they'll, they'll follow you around a little bit like a puppy dog

00:47:06.260 at times. You know, they need your attention. These are, these are for insecure women. A lot

00:47:10.280 of the times, like they're, my wife has certainly never done this, but I've seen it in a lot of women.

00:47:15.880 They want to be led to the point where if you don't tell them what to do, they really struggle.

00:47:20.240 And I don't want to be on like that entirely with my wife. I don't want to have to tell her what

00:47:25.000 to do. That seems, this seems frustrating for her and me. So the best thing that you can do,

00:47:32.040 just like a child is to allow them to lead themselves and just step away guys, just step

00:47:37.880 away. Like, Hey hon, um, you know, the guys and I really wanted to go out and, uh, we wanted to do

00:47:44.980 this, uh, this camp out and, uh, we're going to, we're going to leave Friday morning and we're going

00:47:50.180 to come back Saturday, uh, or excuse me, Sunday evening. We're going to camp out for two days.

00:47:54.480 We're going to about do about 20, 30 miles of hiking. And, uh, I just wanted to let you know,

00:47:58.640 that's going to happen in a month. And I'm really looking forward to it. And I hear the dates and

00:48:02.600 I'm going to go do that. Wish you luck. Sometimes you just have to step away because what happens?

00:48:11.280 She's going to be bored at first and wondering why, Oh, I can't believe he's goes and does all

00:48:14.720 his things. And by the way, sometimes you give her permission and say, Hey, why don't you call

00:48:18.740 up your girlfriends? And why don't you go do something? Or, you know, I, I know you've really

00:48:23.800 wanted to pick up that, that hobby of gardening, or I really know that, that you wanted to go to this

00:48:28.360 specific class. My wife, for example, came to me the other day and she said, Hey, nobody can teach

00:48:33.600 the kids CrossFit class. And I said, Oh, that's too bad. And she said, so I volunteered. I said,

00:48:38.240 cool. Great. Okay. What does that entail? And she's like, I have to go to Boston,

00:48:42.480 uh, to be able to, to get my, I think it's her level one certification and then her children's

00:48:48.740 certification. And that'll be two or three days. And I said, good, do it. I'm proud of you for

00:48:55.780 volunteering. I think that's awesome. I think that will serve you. I think that'll serve the kids.

00:49:00.700 I used to be the dickhead who said, well, you know, what, what am I supposed to do with the kids?

00:49:05.280 What the hell? Oh, you're going to leave for three days. What do I do with the kids?

00:49:10.420 I can't believe the asshole that I used to be. And then we ask questions like,

00:49:15.640 how do you help your wife be more independent? You foster her growth, man.

00:49:23.100 Like you encourage her, you foster it. You, you honor, honor her. You cherish that,

00:49:28.680 the moments you celebrate with her. You, you, you tell her you're proud of her when she does

00:49:34.140 something that does it, that is exciting. Or she shows this, this level of ambition that maybe

00:49:39.580 you've never recognized before. And you, you embrace it and you find ways to make it happen.

00:49:46.360 So my wife comes to me and says, Hey, uh, there's the level one CrossFit certification. I might be

00:49:52.180 saying that wrong. And, and, and the kids certification, I need to go do that in Boston.

00:49:56.000 It'll be two days. And I said, great. Me and the kids will be doing this. Have fun. We'll call you

00:50:02.080 in the evenings. Can I get a hotel room for you? What can I do to help? And then she knows I'm

00:50:08.720 supportive of it. When she comes to me and says, Hey, I want to beekeep. I want to do beekeeping.

00:50:13.100 I don't say to her, Oh, that's, Oh, that's stupid. Why, why would you want to do that? I can't believe

00:50:18.940 you did that. You'd want to do that. In fact, I'll give you an, a bad example of how I screwed this up.

00:50:26.000 This was two months ago. My wife came to me and she said, I'm trying to be real with you guys,

00:50:32.660 by the way, cause I don't have all this stuff figured out. My wife comes to me and she says,

00:50:36.560 Hey, um, I've been thinking about it. You know, as the kids get older and you have some more

00:50:42.580 flexibility with your time, I'd really like to, uh, consider going to massage school.

00:50:46.680 And I don't remember my exact answer, but I'll, I'll paraphrase here to the best of my knowledge.

00:50:53.280 And I, and, and I said, well, why would you want to do that? That's, that's lame. Well,

00:50:57.440 really? Like, and then we're going to spend all that money and then we're going to do all these

00:51:01.340 things like, uh, and I really beat her up over it. And last week it was like, it was, it was weighing

00:51:09.420 on my mind, Jerem. It was weighing on my mind. I beat her up over it. And, and I'd been thinking

00:51:17.540 about it for, for months, a couple of months. I think she came to me and said that. So I've been

00:51:22.560 weighing, it's been weighing on my mind for months. And I came to her the other day and I said, you

00:51:25.980 know what? I have to apologize about something. And she said, oh yeah, what's that? And I said,

00:51:30.820 you know, I really feel like I, uh, like I deflated something that you were excited about

00:51:37.360 and I felt really bad about it. Actually. Like I lost sleep over it.

00:51:45.560 And I just said, I'm sorry. You know, I, I, I shouldn't have done that. I should have

00:51:49.400 talked with you and been open about that and try to figure out a way to make that work because you

00:51:54.740 need these things. And you know what? She's always a better wife and a better mother and just a better

00:51:58.920 woman in general, when she goes and takes care of her things. And I just said, I'm sorry,

00:52:03.300 what can we do to make this work? And so we're talking about it. No, not that she will. I don't

00:52:09.060 know, but we're talking about it. I'm open and receptive to it. Guys. We've got to be very,

00:52:12.820 very careful of shutting these things down even involuntarily. You know, it just comes out of our

00:52:18.000 mouth because we're very practical, right? We're very pragmatic most of the time. Well, how's that

00:52:24.180 going to work? Well, how much is that going to cost? Well, how much time are you going to be away?

00:52:27.700 And then what are you going to do with it? These are all questions I would have as a man.

00:52:30.800 And I think they're questions you would have as a man. And yet that doesn't come across as genuine

00:52:37.080 questioning. It comes across as interrogation. So how do you help your wife be more independent? You

00:52:43.380 leave, you remove yourself from the equation. So she doesn't have to rely on you. And now the only

00:52:51.880 person she can turn to is herself. And if you have kids, by the way, the principle is the same. You

00:52:57.900 say, hon, I've really been wanting to take the kids on this adventure. And I thought it would present

00:53:04.200 the perfect opportunity for you to really focus on yourself, whether that's working on an activity

00:53:10.180 or a hobby or finding some girlfriends or something, but I'm going to be taking the kids this weekend.

00:53:14.820 And we're going to be going up to the mountains and we're going to camp for three days. And

00:53:19.840 not that you're not invited, but I really want to do this for you and allow you some time for

00:53:25.960 yourself. So yeah, we're going to take care of the food and the tents and the camping and the

00:53:31.580 gear and everything else. And we'll see you on Sunday night.

00:53:34.640 She's going to have to tread water for a little bit, but eventually she'll figure it out.

00:53:39.920 And you do that consistently. And then you honor her. And when she comes to you and says,

00:53:43.400 I have an idea, whether it's something as silly sounding as beekeeping or massage therapy or

00:53:48.800 whittling wood or underwater basket weaving, whatever it is. Great. Do it. Cause it's not about

00:53:56.440 the underwater basket weaving guys. It's not about the massage therapy. It's not about the bees.

00:54:02.280 It's about her doing something that will uplift and edify her, which will only by the way,

00:54:09.420 make her more capable as a mother and a, and a wife and a partner to you. You should want that.

00:54:16.520 You do want that. So encourage it. All right. How are we doing on time here today, guys? We're at 55

00:54:22.780 minutes. It looks like I'm going to take a few more. I'll finish this page. There's four questions

00:54:27.200 on this page. I'll try to do a rapid fire here. Daniel Opie says, what advice would you have

00:54:32.460 someone for entering the military? My goal is to go into the army as a military police

00:54:35.840 mission echo for the reserve this November. You know, the biggest thing I would say is that it's

00:54:42.320 a game, Daniel, it's a game. All right. They're going to play a mental game with you.

00:54:48.740 Heed my advice, please, for anybody entering the military. And if you're questioning this,

00:54:53.040 I would follow Tim Kennedy as well. He's got some great information on joining the military,

00:54:56.800 of course. And it's a game. They're going to play a mental game with you. If you recognize that it's

00:55:03.180 chess, not checkers, that they're just manipulating and they're, they're, they're trying to break you

00:55:07.760 down and you just embrace the game, embrace the rules of the game. It's a game. Have I said that

00:55:13.860 enough? It's a game. So when they tell you, you know, they're going to, they're going to thrash

00:55:19.840 your, uh, thrash your lockers, for example, which they did to me on, on multiple occasions,

00:55:24.420 not just me, but our entire, uh, battalion, I guess is what it was called at the time. It's been

00:55:30.320 so long. It seems like I didn't take it personal. I was like, Oh, this is part of the game.

00:55:36.260 They're going to thrash your locker. They're going to, they're going to punish you for things

00:55:40.740 that you didn't do that somebody else did. It's part of the game. It's a game. Don't take it

00:55:46.680 so seriously. They're going to try to break you down and they're going to build you back up.

00:55:51.020 And guess what? They're going to do it right. And they're going to do it well. Don't resist it.

00:55:55.000 Embrace it. When they, when they smoke you for doing something that wasn't your fault,

00:55:59.520 I'll tell you one thing I did. It's a big, no, no guys, a big, no, no. I don't even want to admit

00:56:04.220 this. Cause I got my ass handed to me for doing this. I don't even want to say it. When I was in

00:56:11.420 basic training, I left my protective mask, which is your, it's your gas mask. I wanted to the porta

00:56:19.520 potty. I took it off. I did my business. I failed to put it back on, got back to my tent. Cause we

00:56:28.360 were doing a, a field exercise and I was going through my stuff and I realized, holy cow, I don't

00:56:34.520 have my, uh, my protective mask. So I went to the drill sergeant tent, which I did not want to do

00:56:41.260 obviously. And I walked in there and there was probably three or four of the drill sergeants. And

00:56:46.160 I stood at attention. I said, drill sergeant, I have misplaced my protective mask. And I was with

00:56:52.940 a buddy. Cause you had to have a battle buddy. Jed Townsend was my battle buddy. And I'm like, bro,

00:56:56.620 this is what happened. He's like, all right, let's go do it. So I'm sitting there with three or four

00:57:01.980 drill sergeants. And they're looking at me like, you're a fricking moron. And I remember one of

00:57:05.720 them saying, private, you better find that fricking protective mask. They might've used

00:57:09.520 more color for language at the time. I said, yes, drill sergeant. So I spent two hours going around

00:57:17.200 from position to position. Hey, do you have an extra protective mask and extra protective mask?

00:57:21.780 Nobody had one. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nobody had it. Go back to the drill sergeant's

00:57:27.240 10. And I say, drill sergeant, I've spent the last two hours. I've checked in with every position

00:57:35.020 that I can see. I've asked every single one of them about my protective mask. I have retraced my

00:57:41.180 steps. By the way, I went back to that port-a-potty. It wasn't there. And I cannot find my protective

00:57:46.680 mask. One of the drill sergeants says, reaches down on the ground and says, here's your protective

00:57:52.760 mask. Throws it at me. I catch it. He says, we've had this the entire time. Do you realize

00:57:59.300 how important this is now? Yes, drill sergeant. They had that protective mask the entire time.

00:58:07.200 And I spent two hours in the middle of the night walking from position to position,

00:58:12.720 trying to find my protective mask. It's a game, Daniel. It's a good game. It's a worthy game,

00:58:19.980 but it's a game. And the better you understand that, acknowledge that and play the game. Well,

00:58:25.520 that you're a player in their game. You learn the rules of their game and you follow those rules.

00:58:31.620 The better off you're going to be, the better soldier you're going to be. And the more equipped

00:58:35.860 you are to, to handle not only basic training in an AIT, but to handle your entire military service,

00:58:42.920 whether that's four years or whether that's 40 years, it's a game, learn to play the game. Well,

00:58:47.040 all right, Alex Lathery, what are some fundamental initiations or experiences that grow young men

00:58:55.900 as they begin and continue along their journey to manhood? I feel like I've covered this a little

00:59:00.080 bit in the rites of passages, but it's initiations, it's rituals, it's competition, it's challenge,

00:59:06.140 it's struggle, it's camaraderie. It's even busting each other's balls. You know, like I've got friends

00:59:11.440 who will shit talk me and I'll do the same to them, but you know, it's fun, right? It's done in good

00:59:15.920 spirits because I want to know that this guy next to me, frankly, and to say a little bit crude,

00:59:21.040 isn't a bitch and he isn't going to bitch out when things get difficult. Like, cause I know if I know

00:59:25.620 if I say something that, uh, to, to mock somebody or to tease or ridicule somebody and they throw a

00:59:30.880 hissy fit, then that's a bitch that I don't want in my corner when shit hits the fan.

00:59:36.600 But if I know that I'm going to tease this guy and mock this guy and he's going to roll with a

00:59:40.120 punch, isn't he going to punch right back? Then I'm like, okay, all right. This guy can hold his own.

00:59:44.760 Like, this is a guy that, uh, you know, I, I might want my corner.

00:59:50.980 So I think the initiation that you're talking about here is challenge. It's camaraderie. It's

00:59:57.580 brotherhood. It's struggle. It's pain. It's toil. This is how men initiate themselves.

01:00:04.300 And then we separate ourselves from our fathers and from our mothers, specifically our mothers.

01:00:09.300 I think we need to step closer to our fathers, but we need to step away from the mother

01:00:12.500 from a physiological standpoint. I mean, what is the first thing a mother does to you? She

01:00:17.680 puts her boob in her mouth and she forges that physical connection, which is good. It provides

01:00:25.080 sustenance, but at some point we as boys and young men and men need to separate ourselves from the

01:00:32.920 women. Society doesn't allow us to do that. What do I mean by that? Let me, let me, let me explain that

01:00:38.740 because this is important. The rise of the fatherless generations is, is more prevalent

01:00:44.840 than it's ever been more and more young boys and young girls, by the way, are being raised without

01:00:49.980 permanent father figures in the life. So while they may not be physically lashed onto their mother's

01:00:56.740 breast, they're emotionally and mentally connected with her and have never released that bond.

01:01:03.980 And if they have, they go into the school system and who they taught by women.

01:01:09.580 This is not to speak bad about women, by the way.

01:01:14.120 It just means that men need to step away from the women. We do the same thing in our marriages. I did

01:01:19.860 it. Had all these buddies, good friends, guys I hung out with guys. I spent time with guys,

01:01:25.200 guys I got into trouble with in college. And I got married. And what did I do? Forsaked all my friends,

01:01:30.880 ditched them for the woman. And I forged that bond. That bond is not bad, by the way.

01:01:37.340 It just can't be the only thing sustaining you and you as a man need to learn from other men. So

01:01:41.860 here's the big lack, lacking in society, men, raising men, men, initiating men. A woman can't

01:01:48.820 initiate a man because she doesn't know what it means to be a man. A man needs to initiate a man.

01:01:55.960 And sometimes that means that even us as grown men need to be initiated by other men through

01:02:00.200 competition and challenge and struggle. All right. Michael Perrin. When does masturbation become a

01:02:06.540 problem? How many times a day? I don't know if there's a formula for how many times a day.

01:02:13.740 Look, I'm not going to say, and I come from a religious background and I was taught that,

01:02:18.220 you know, masturbation is bad. I'm not even going to say it's bad. I think it's kind of natural,

01:02:21.640 but at the same time, it's not really the purpose of procreation. And from a religious perspective,

01:02:29.760 you're mocking God, right? Because we are supposed to procreate. I don't think you can keep a young

01:02:35.240 boy, for example, from playing with himself. I don't think that's possible. At least it wasn't

01:02:39.700 for me. So I mean, when does it become a problem when it's hindering the other things that you want

01:02:46.680 to do, right? Like if you're so consumed with dicking around with yourself or you're so consumed

01:02:52.160 with pornography, uh, that it's hindering your other performance, then that's a problem.

01:02:58.680 That's a problem. So this is always an uncomfortable subject and conversation. I've had to have it with

01:03:04.760 my oldest son and my second son. And I don't like having the conversation, but you know, if you keep

01:03:10.280 it in private and you do it in moderation and you're able to accomplish everything else and you don't

01:03:15.640 let it consume you, then yeah, I'm not going to say it's healthy necessarily, but it's natural.

01:03:22.880 So I don't know the formula. You got to play it by ear. All right. Just play by ear.

01:03:29.100 I don't even know how to answer that question. That's a tough question. I hope I gave you some

01:03:32.600 answers. All right. Last question. Let's not end on that one. I just gave you Spencer Reed says,

01:03:37.220 how do you balance working more and creating a business with family time? I have a hard time

01:03:41.340 committing myself to work more because I hate losing time with my family. You know, Spencer,

01:03:45.540 there's seasons, right? Like you might have to work more now when I started the financial or excuse

01:03:50.600 me, when I had the financial planning product, uh, business and podcast, uh, I started this thing

01:03:57.060 that you're listening to now called order of man. And I would wake up two hours early every single

01:04:00.880 morning without fail. And I would put two hours in and then I'd go to my quote unquote real job,

01:04:05.460 which is the financial planning stuff. And then I would get done with that around five 36 o'clock

01:04:10.660 and I'd come home and I'd do the family thing and I eat dinner with my family and it's been time with

01:04:14.420 them. And then after that was done, I'd go back and I would work two more hours with the order of

01:04:20.140 man stuff. And that was a season. I did that for about a year, maybe a year and a half before I

01:04:25.960 decided, you know what, I'm going to do more of this order of man stuff. So based on the question,

01:04:31.920 the way you phrased it, I would say that maybe you're in the stage now where you're growing your

01:04:37.620 business and it's just the season that you're in right now. So you do the best that you can.

01:04:41.800 You work as hard as you can. You'd be as present as you can when you're with your family and as

01:04:46.320 present as you can, when you're with your business and you grow it and you have an exit strategy and

01:04:51.860 you keep the lines of communication open with your spouse and the other people who will be

01:04:54.940 impacted by the decisions you're making. And you do the best you can knowing that at some point,

01:05:00.800 this is going to pay off. And here's my plan to make it. So, and here's how I'll know what will

01:05:04.680 happen. Here's what metrics I'm measuring. And here's the strategy moving forward and

01:05:10.520 then honor it. You got to honor it. Okay. All right, guys, we went through a lot. Holy cow.

01:05:17.140 Great questions. A lot of variety in the questions today. I hope I gave you some answers. I hope

01:05:21.220 you gave you some insight into my mind. I don't know, right or wrong. I gave you some insight

01:05:26.560 into my mind. I hope it was right. I hope it serves you. That's always my goal. If you would

01:05:31.520 on a parting note, guys, please make sure you subscribe to the podcast. Do this also go back

01:05:37.100 to tomorrow or excuse me tomorrow to yesterday's podcast and listen to the podcast I did with tank.

01:05:43.880 You guys will not be disappointed. Share it at this point is probably going to be one of our most

01:05:50.140 shared and popular and downloaded podcasts to date. So share it, listen to it, apply it,

01:05:57.400 reach out to tank. He just sent me a message a couple of hours ago and he's like, dude,

01:06:00.760 bombarded with messages. Good bombard them. Let them know, Hey, I'm listening to the podcast and

01:06:05.720 listen to your show. Here's what I heard. Here's what resonated with me. Here's how you serve me.

01:06:09.560 Cause he likes that stuff. I'm telling you, he lives on it. He thrives on it. You'll know what

01:06:14.360 I'm talking about when you listen to the podcast. All right, guys, I'll be back on Friday for our

01:06:18.580 Friday field notes, but, uh, and, and, and this commitment as well. I'll be back next week with Kip.

01:06:23.560 Kip and I will finally be back together. We balance ourselves. Well, you guys know that if you've

01:06:28.320 been listening for any amount of time, he'll be back next week. So will I, but until then go out

01:06:32.220 there and take action, become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man

01:06:37.000 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:06:41.760 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - November 18, 2020

Initiation of Man, Motivating Your Wife, and Home Schooling Your Children ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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