Order of Man - Instincts vs. Assumptions, Fulfillment vs. Happiness, and Being Your Own Boss

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.720 Kip, what's going on, man? Not much. Thanksgiving, right? That's coming up. Yeah. You guys have

00:00:32.760 any plans? No. I like staying at home. I'm kind of like, I don't know, or hermit when it comes to

00:00:40.560 the holidays. I like to stay home, have Christmas at home, Thanksgiving at home. I don't like

00:00:44.220 traveling. We have a big storm coming in this week in Utah. It started yesterday, so even if we wanted

00:00:50.580 to leave, we may not be. You're just going to hunker down. That's pretty much what we're going

00:00:55.420 to do. I almost got stuck the other day. My first opportunity to get stuck, I almost did.

00:01:00.900 We were coming back from D.C., and we had a, I know I hate to say this, I hate to admit it,

00:01:06.280 but we had a minivan. Yep, we had a minivan, and a two-wheel drive, and we were driving home,

00:01:11.380 10-hour drive, which turned into 12 hours with four kids. That's how it works.

00:01:15.660 Yeah. And we were literally three miles from our house, and it started to, it wasn't really snow,

00:01:23.760 but it wasn't raining. It was like sleet, slush, and it was super icy. We get to this hill, and I'm

00:01:29.180 like, hon, I don't know if we're going to make it up this hill, and we get about halfway up this hill

00:01:32.200 and just stops. It wouldn't do anything, and she's like, what do we do? And I'm like, well,

00:01:36.760 we can wait for a plow to come, and hopefully it'll plow enough for us to get some traction.

00:01:40.200 We can call somebody. We can leave the van here and turn the flashers on and come get it after

00:01:46.040 it's been cleared and melted. Like, other than that, I don't know what to do. And so every once

00:01:52.900 in a while when the slush would melt under my tires, I'd go, and I'd go like a foot or a yard,

00:02:01.080 you know? And I'm thinking, man, if I could just make it 40 yards, that's all I needed is 40 yards to

00:02:07.200 get up to this top of this hill. And once I got to the crest of the hill, it was all downhill from

00:02:10.300 there the rest of the three miles. So we're sitting there. We were probably there for about

00:02:14.540 20 minutes, and I'm like, you know what? Screw this. We're going for it. And so I just put it

00:02:20.500 into low gear and just redlined it, and the back end was slipping and sliding, and I'm just crawling

00:02:26.800 up this thing, and we made it to the crest. And in the meantime, a plow had to come and plow the

00:02:31.360 other side of the road. So I like slid over to the other side of the road, and driving in the wrong

00:02:36.060 lane, getting home. But we finally get there, get there to our driveway, and the plows had been

00:02:40.740 running. So they created this bank into our driveway. So she's like, what do we do? We can't

00:02:45.280 get in there. And I'm like, okay, I'm just going to park here. You get the kids. You head in. Me and

00:02:49.360 my oldest son will come out. We shoveled out the driveway and pulled the van in there, made it. But

00:02:55.140 it was a little bit of an adventure. So now we have the trucks back. And in fact, as of this

00:03:01.420 recording, my truck is in, we're getting a plow for the truck. So that would be installed this

00:03:08.580 afternoon. This is perfect, because it went from, hey, the kids are enjoying moving snow in the

00:03:13.560 driveway, to we're getting a plow for the truck. We need a plow, man. Well, I have a tractor, but

00:03:18.500 everybody's like, yeah, it'd be nice to have, but you're not going to want to be in a tractor in a

00:03:26.600 middle of a snowstorm. Like you're going to want to be in the cab of your truck. So I'm like, that's

00:03:30.160 probably a good idea. So that's what we're at. We went. Yeah. Some, all right. Well, some guys

00:03:34.480 pulled the, uh, honey, I need a side-by-side for plowing snow for the neighborhood. You know,

00:03:41.700 we've got a side-by-side as well. I just don't know if it'll be powerful enough in the middle of

00:03:45.700 winter, quite honestly, with as much snow as I saw, just what's that? I was just going to say,

00:03:50.820 you're going to have to get some chains for that minivan of yours too. We have no minivan. That was a

00:03:55.280 rental, brother. That's gone. Okay. We got the suburban back. That's what my wife drives. She

00:04:00.140 drives a suburban. So we got, uh, studded tires on the suburban and the truck. We're ready to go,

00:04:04.340 man. We're on it. I love it. All right. I'm short on time today. And so I don't want to waste any more

00:04:10.020 time than I just did. One story. Yeah. You guys get one story. That's all you get. Uh, guys,

00:04:14.320 we're fielding questions. I think these ones today come from the Facebook group. So we're doing our best to

00:04:20.700 answer your questions. And, uh, if we can give you a legitimate answer by all means,

00:04:26.060 and if we can't, we'll, uh, we'll make something up or we'll tell you that we can't and, uh, we'll,

00:04:31.500 we'll see what we can do. Okay. Sounds great. Let's start up with a tough one. So Travis Kane,

00:04:36.820 do you have any luck deer hunting? How's, how's the hunt? He's curious. It's not going well, man.

00:04:41.560 It's not going well. Uh, obviously with the snow, we can see the tracks and there's plenty of tracks,

00:04:45.400 but there's not very many deer to go with those tracks. So we've been out, my son and I have been

00:04:51.120 out, I don't know, maybe eight to 10 times and just have not seen a single deer. We saw one deer

00:04:58.300 while we were driving around. Uh, but at the time we were just going on a quick drive and we didn't

00:05:02.500 have a rifle with us. So it wasn't even on my property and I'm not sure if the property was

00:05:07.640 posted. Maine has a interesting law. It's, it's, it's like reverse posting. I can't remember the exact

00:05:12.720 term, but if there's not a posting, it's free game. Correct. That's correct. Yeah. That's crazy.

00:05:17.800 Yeah. So if it's not posted, anybody can, for example, hunt on my property cause it's not posted.

00:05:22.120 I don't know if I should make that public right now. Uh, but we will probably at some point post it

00:05:27.040 and maybe just do by permission only. Cause I want to make it available to people around the

00:05:31.500 neighborhood and things like that. But, uh, yeah, that's how Maine works. So I'm not sure if that

00:05:35.840 property was posted or not, but it's not going well. I had a hunt in Minnesota where I, uh,

00:05:39.760 was able to kill two does and that was good. Uh, but outside of that, not a whole lot of luck.

00:05:45.340 We're going out this afternoon, so we'll see what we can, uh, see what we can do this afternoon.

00:05:48.940 And now every city guy realizes why people in small towns have rifles in the back of their

00:05:54.140 windows, right? That's exactly as you're driving. You're like, Oh, there's a deer crap. Right.

00:05:57.500 Where's my gun? Shoot it. Yeah. Done. Yeah. It was funny when I moved from Southern California to

00:06:02.720 Southern Utah, that's, that's what happened. I got there and I saw all the guys with guns in their

00:06:09.560 trucks. I'm like, what in the hell did we move in high school? Yeah. I was the same way. So these

00:06:14.160 are 16 to 18 year old kids. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. South severe. That's right. Go Rams. Yeah. Go

00:06:19.600 right. Go Paro and Rams, not South severe, but that was, but very normal. Very normal. Yeah. Yeah.

00:06:27.400 Yeah. Nothing out of the ordinary unless you're not used to it. So the deer hunt link though. I mean,

00:06:31.860 I'm assuming it there's, you don't have a hunt, the hunt windows huge or it's just open for months.

00:06:37.820 Is that how you're able to still be hunting? Right. Uh, no, it, it, it opened up. I think it

00:06:43.500 was like the 5th of November and it ends rifle season ends. Uh, I want to say the 30th of this

00:06:50.400 month. And then it goes into muzzleloader for a couple of weeks if I understand correctly, which we

00:06:55.660 are not going to be doing the muzzleloader, but I can still shoot archery. So after this couple of

00:07:01.280 weeks is up, then I'm going to go sit in some stands on our property where game trails are and see if

00:07:05.920 I can shoot me one with my bow. Love it. All right. Wes perks, would you rather combat your demons or

00:07:14.220 make a mutual understanding with them and keep them buried? I don't think you should keep them

00:07:20.780 buried. I think you should understand what they are. I think you should acknowledge them.

00:07:25.000 And in my life, the more that I've acknowledged the demons that I have to address and face and pass

00:07:30.200 baggage, the more successful I've been. So I wouldn't say hide them necessarily, but I would

00:07:36.080 say acknowledge them. Um, I'm not sure what he means by mutual understanding other than just

00:07:42.220 acknowledge them, be aware of them. I think it's good to understand our nature and what we're capable

00:07:47.180 of. Jordan Peterson actually talks about this a whole lot when he talks about, uh, integrating your

00:07:52.040 shadow. And I believe that, that theory, that idea comes from Carl Jung. So yeah, I think you should

00:07:58.860 acknowledge them, face them, fight them. Uh, and you know, it's interesting because, and I talk about

00:08:03.420 this in the book, sovereignty is you can't face an enemy that you can't see or acknowledge. So if you

00:08:10.160 pretend that the enemy or the demons in this case don't exist, then you don't arm yourself or equip

00:08:15.060 yourself with the tools you need to be able to combat that. And then it rears its ugly head in,

00:08:19.120 in situations and you're caught blindsided because you refuse to look at what was obviously there.

00:08:25.480 So we never want to be ignorant about our own nature. We don't want to be ignorant about the

00:08:30.280 things that we are challenged with, whether that's alcohol or drug abuse or pornography or the

00:08:36.080 temptations to step out on our, on our, uh, on our wives or whatever, whatever it may be, whatever

00:08:41.140 your temptation is. And your thing is, uh, you don't need to be oblivious to it, acknowledge it,

00:08:45.820 recognize it, and then set yourself up to do something about it. Yeah. And, and by default,

00:08:50.720 by recognizing we're going to avoid certain circumstances, right. And adjust our lives

00:08:56.140 appropriately. If we're pretending they don't exist, you're going to constantly be putting

00:09:00.820 yourself in compromising positions where your demons going to come out. If, if you, if we want

00:09:07.180 to use that term and it's going to affect you in a negative way. So, and a lot of people, well,

00:09:11.440 I don't know if a lot, that's probably not the right way to say it, but I've heard people say

00:09:14.800 that somehow ignoring, or excuse me, uh, creating plans that eliminate some sort of temptation.

00:09:22.820 And I'll just use this as an example. If you're a man who has a propensity or potential to abuse

00:09:29.660 alcohol, for example, that somehow it would be weakness to just abstain or not have alcohol in

00:09:35.760 your house. Like, that's not weak. That's a strategy. That's a tactic to keep you from doing

00:09:40.860 something that, you know, is, is a potential threat to you. So it's not weak to address these

00:09:45.820 things. Uh, and it's not weak, not to, it just opens you up to potential situations that you don't

00:09:53.380 want to find yourself in. So be smart, be aware of your temptations and the things that you're

00:09:57.580 challenged with, and then create systems and processes to avoid those types of behaviors and

00:10:03.220 activities. Yeah. And, and as a resource for you guys on this, um, this month in the iron council,

00:10:08.600 we're reading atomic habits and that book really adds some insight in between, uh, add some insight

00:10:18.020 to the idea of discipline versus habit and how they affect each other. And there's a lot of

00:10:23.900 interesting concepts in there in regards to how do we have a habit or a demon per se that we struggle

00:10:31.080 with and, and what we can do to get beyond it and past it and adjust our processes. Like you're

00:10:36.540 saying, uh, to, to rise above those situations and create positive habits. So as maybe a potential

00:10:42.500 resource for you guys to check out. The other thing I would say about demons is we've set it in

00:10:47.700 the context just over the past couple of minutes here of habits and behaviors, but it could also be

00:10:52.580 past trauma or experiences. Uh, maybe it was some, some physical or verbal or emotional abuse. Maybe it

00:10:59.200 was, uh, a situation that you were raised in or you saw some traumatic experience raises a trigger for

00:11:06.600 you because of that experience. Yeah. That could be a demon as well. And again, it's therapeutic to

00:11:12.040 address them, not therapeutic to hide them. So that could be professional counseling. Uh, I know for me,

00:11:18.580 even just sharing some of the, the things that have happened in my past with you guys listening to this

00:11:23.620 podcast has been very therapeutic for me because I acknowledge it. I recognize it. And then I can

00:11:28.780 let it go because I have acknowledged it. Yeah. Let me ask you this, Ryan, how often is there,

00:11:34.820 is there a gray space in regards to us sharing those demons, right? Then this may be extreme scenario,

00:11:40.740 but let's say a guy has a demon of, you know, you kind of use this analogy earlier about, you know,

00:11:45.980 I don't know if you have a temptation of stepping out and your wife, you keep that to yourself. Do you

00:11:50.220 address it and you know, it's there, but you know, you're not having a, you know, a nightly talk with

00:11:55.560 your wife saying, yeah, this is my demon to leave you, you know, on a regular basis. Like I'm assuming

00:12:00.100 some of these demons, we may not want to share. I don't think we skirt them under the rug, but do we

00:12:06.380 kind of hold them to our chest a little bit and maybe don't share them because of the judgments of

00:12:11.160 others where people will see that as a, I don't know, a preconceived notion and look for that in you.

00:12:16.860 Well, I think, I think you ought to exercise some discernment with regards to how you share it.

00:12:22.400 There is the notion in society that we need to be vulnerable just for the sake of being vulnerable.

00:12:28.780 And that's ridiculous. That's putting it politely. So you don't need to proclaim your demons to the

00:12:34.440 world, uh, because most people won't understand. They may mock and ridicule you. So you really have

00:12:39.620 to ask yourself, if you are going to share this information, what is your motive for doing so?

00:12:45.120 Yeah. Is your motive to be acknowledged? Is your motive to do some sort of virtue signaling,

00:12:51.260 signaling, which a lot of people do because they'll play the victim and they'll believe that

00:12:54.980 somehow being a victim is virtuous. It's not virtuous at all. In fact,

00:12:59.660 and the only thing, sorry for you, by the way, no, because they have their own pit they're dealing

00:13:03.400 with. Yeah. They're too consumed with having to worry about you. So it's not virtuous to be a victim.

00:13:09.000 The only thing virtuous found in that whole process is overcoming being a victim. Yeah.

00:13:15.140 Raising yourself up. So, uh, yeah, just be cautious of who you share it with and how you share it and

00:13:21.460 the motive behind sharing it. Okay. I like it. All right. But Carrie, how to tell between gut instinct

00:13:27.800 and assuming? Hmm. I would say trial and error. Like listening and saying, Oh, yep. That was just me

00:13:38.260 assuming that wasn't gut. And right. And also, yeah. And also seeing what, uh, what the experience is,

00:13:46.160 what the result of the process or, or the instinct or the assumption was assumptions also require a lot

00:13:55.600 of guesswork. So you're filling in the blanks, gut instinct, I think has less guesswork to it because

00:14:03.700 you could be very knowledgeable about something and still have an instinct, a gut instinct about

00:14:09.140 something. In fact, the more knowledge, knowledgeable you are about a particular subject, the better your

00:14:16.080 instincts towards that subject will be. And it'll feel like this is just an instinct, but it may be

00:14:21.260 partly that, but it's also the fact that you've experienced so many different little inputs.

00:14:25.600 That are hard to distinguish and little nuances about a situation that make it feel like instinct

00:14:31.240 when in all reality, it's just, it's, it's knowledge, it's, it's knowledge, it's experience.

00:14:36.180 Yeah. Right. Yeah. You know, you look at football players, for example, or any professional athlete

00:14:40.880 and you think, Oh, this guy's just so talented and gifted. Maybe he has some of that, but he's also

00:14:45.680 probably been playing football or basketball or baseball since the time he was three years old.

00:14:49.700 So he's been doing it for two decades and he has thousands and thousands of hours and insight

00:14:55.360 and feedback that's been processing through this, this computer processing system called our brain,

00:15:00.280 uh, that has made him appear more instinctual when it's just knowledge and wisdom.

00:15:07.000 Yeah, totally. I mean, I like to think of gut instinct is just subconscious experience and

00:15:12.980 knowledge coming into play. And sometimes we, it requires a, uh, a lot of evaluation for us to

00:15:19.560 understand where that's coming from. And I, I would probably argue in most cases when we quote,

00:15:23.580 unquote, have a gut instinct, you could probably analyze it well enough and eventually figure out

00:15:28.520 what it is that's causing those feelings. It's just, sometimes they're so subconscious and

00:15:34.060 experience that you just like, we're kind of lazy and we don't take the time to actually figure

00:15:38.920 what, where that's coming from. I think, uh, something to consider also is why,

00:15:44.220 why would you be asking the question? You know, why, why does it matter if it's instinct or it's,

00:15:48.660 or assumption? And I assume that the reason you're asking the question is because you want to ensure

00:15:55.000 that you're making better decisions. I think that's a fair assessment. So when it comes to

00:16:01.320 assessing situations, when you're in the moment, ask yourself, am I just guessing here or am I using

00:16:09.360 some sort of experience or lesson or wisdom that's making me feel like this is the better choice?

00:16:17.060 And then make your choice based on that information and then evaluate it. And this is why we talk about

00:16:21.620 the after action review quite a bit is because without any level of evaluation, it's all guesswork.

00:16:27.660 Everything we're doing is guesswork. My job in, for example, the financial planning practice was to

00:16:32.900 mitigate risk in an address and eliminate as much of it as I possibly could. Now you couldn't eliminate

00:16:37.860 all of it, but you could mitigate and diminish the levels of risk that you were taking in investments

00:16:42.980 in financial planning in general. But in order to do that, you have to look at the experience and you

00:16:49.140 have to look at the result that a financial plan is producing so that you can draw upon that to make

00:16:54.440 better decisions in the future. So this is a critical, critical component of the process of

00:17:02.100 growth and expansion and learning and gaining wisdom and knowledge is reviewing it. So you don't

00:17:07.000 have to continue guessing that it might be a guess at first, but if you have to guess about an issue

00:17:12.500 that's reoccurring over and over again, that's a problem. That's probably a pretty good indicator

00:17:16.740 that you're not learning exactly. Or you're not, I should say you're not codifying it, which is what

00:17:23.180 we want to do. Hey, the reason this podcast did well is because X, Y, and Z. The reason that this

00:17:29.640 particular episode didn't do well is because X, Y, and Z. Well, I would like to know that so I can do the

00:17:34.600 right things and avoid doing the wrong things. Totally. Which is highly insightful because that's

00:17:39.160 one of my favorite things about us posting this on YouTube because you have the downloads on the

00:17:44.500 podcast episodes. I don't, you never share it with me. Well, you do once in a while, maybe once a year.

00:17:49.720 Because I don't want you to, I don't want to, uh, let you know that these episodes do better than

00:17:55.040 my own episodes. Like I don't want to share that data with you. My rib still hurts. That's funny.

00:18:00.380 But yeah, it is insightful to see what people resonate with. Yeah. You go to YouTube and you're

00:18:06.840 like, interesting. Why that episode, right? Like the episode that we did, we talked about pornography

00:18:12.280 a couple of weeks ago that had way high numbers, right? Then other ones. And the other thing too,

00:18:19.760 well, the other thing you've had to consider on that. And, and I did this intentionally. I don't

00:18:23.300 know if I've shared this with you or not, but all of our episodes on YouTube, if you'll notice,

00:18:28.960 they all have the exact same background image. The only thing that's changed on it,

00:18:33.440 there's only one variable. It's the, what the wording, it's the text. So the only consideration

00:18:39.560 to evaluate is the text. Yeah, totally. So you can just look at the words and say, okay, well,

00:18:46.940 pornography is a more compelling word than fear or whatever. I don't, I don't know what the words are.

00:18:53.420 Instinct. Exactly. Right. So then I can use that and say, okay, well, pornography. So this is

00:18:58.880 something men are interested in, or that is compelling for men to listen to or click on. Good

00:19:03.460 to know. I can dive down that a little bit and continue to visit that subject because it seems

00:19:09.400 to be something that men are interested in. Yeah. And, and I think this is critical to point out

00:19:14.820 because Ryan, you, this is like your mantra. If there's one thing that I've learned about you over

00:19:19.020 the years, it is, it is take action, learn through the experience, pivot and adjust. And, and this is,

00:19:26.700 this relates to kind of his question around is assuming and gut instinct. Guess what guys,

00:19:31.280 sometimes you don't know. And that's why, that's why we're using that term experience because that's

00:19:37.860 what's required to know. So sometimes we overanalyze things and say, well, am I assuming here? Is this gut

00:19:43.720 instinct? Cause if it's gut, I'll do it. If it's assuming, well, then maybe I won't. Well, guess what?

00:19:48.040 Just do something anyway. Yeah. And, and then see, see what happens and see if you're right or not.

00:19:53.160 And then adjust and pivot and keep going. So one of the, uh, one of the questions we get a lot,

00:19:59.120 all we, they seem to start a lot with is like, what if, what if I did this? And they're not asking

00:20:03.520 us, they're asking themselves, like, what if I started a business? What if I, uh, moved? What

00:20:08.860 if I asked this woman on a date? What if I asked for a promotion? Yeah. What if like, that's a question

00:20:13.980 meaning you should try to answer that question. Yeah. And the only way that you can answer it is by

00:20:17.840 doing it. That's why we moved to Maine. Like, what if we moved to Maine and we had this adventure?

00:20:23.400 I don't know. Let's go try it. Let's move and see what happens. Yeah. Right. I love it. Yeah. And

00:20:28.600 of course you have to do your, you know, your cost benefit analysis and your risk assessment. And

00:20:33.900 you're not, I'm not telling you to be reckless, but that's a, I think the what if question is worthy

00:20:40.320 of answering and pursuing. Yeah. And I think the fact that we put a right and wrong and everything

00:20:46.600 is what prevents us from just making a decision and experiencing, because we say, well, was that

00:20:53.020 the right decision? And I like to suggest that you don't say, was that the right or wrong decision? You

00:20:58.880 say, oh, well, that decision had these, these, these consequences and these results. Was that good

00:21:06.660 for me? Was it bad? Was it effective? Did we learn something? Awesome. Move on. Right. But we, every

00:21:11.280 decision, oh, is it right or wrong? It's neither. It's just do it and learn is, is really a lot of the

00:21:18.180 time, the right answer. I believe that's fair to say, unless it's a morality question, right? If, if,

00:21:24.300 if you're addressing a morality question, then you know, what's right and wrong because you have your

00:21:29.120 own internal sense of morality. I actually don't think it's all internal. I believe it's external

00:21:34.180 as well. And, and we have, we have some external sources of morality. So, but even those people

00:21:41.940 decide on, right. Even, even the morality people to make those decisions. And then it's like, okay,

00:21:47.120 is this in line with what I think or what I have defined as right and wrong or effective for me?

00:21:52.540 Yes or no. That's why I think having parameters and even a code of conduct or an ethos or

00:21:58.860 whatever you want to call it is so critical because you can make your decisions based on

00:22:03.680 operating within those parameters. So you can snug right up to those parameters, but you're not going

00:22:07.880 to cross those lines. And that's why we hear things like, you know, when people say the means justify

00:22:14.080 the ends or excuse me, the ends justify the means. I said that backwards. The ends justify the means.

00:22:18.940 Well, no, that's not true because the way that we do things matters and the way that we do things

00:22:24.340 counts. So that's a morality conversation. Caleb Oliver, do you, either of you hold the belief

00:22:33.260 that some men are wired to work for themselves and some men are just better or wired to work for a

00:22:39.300 company or another person, or do all men have a tendency to want to work for themselves?

00:22:44.420 No, I think, I don't think all men are that way. I think working for yourself requires a level of

00:22:52.820 risk and a willingness to assume that risk, uh, a willingness to experiment. Uh, there's definitely

00:23:02.160 a lot of self-reliance that comes with it. And I know that we talk a lot about it from the context of

00:23:07.300 working for yourself is insignificant compared, or excuse me, working for somebody else is insignificant

00:23:12.400 compared to working for yourself. You're a better man. If you work for yourself, yeah, I don't think

00:23:16.840 so. I don't think so. Cause you know, the interesting thing is guys will say, well, I want to be my own

00:23:21.580 boss. And what they're saying is I want to work for myself. Well, whether you work for yourself or

00:23:25.620 somebody else, you are your own boss. Yeah. And that's even an employee. That's right. And even if you

00:23:31.880 are an employee, you're still the boss of yourself. You still manage yourself. Your life is still

00:23:38.680 your responsibility and you've made a conscious effort to work for somebody else. Now there's

00:23:43.600 some great benefits that come with it. There's, there's, I would say in a lot of cases, there

00:23:48.700 might be less stress. There's some more certainty built into it. Um, maybe you're pursuing something

00:23:55.080 that you simply could not do on your own. It's just not available. There's meaning and purpose

00:23:59.940 found in that work that you couldn't pursue by yourself. Uh, there's a lot of value that comes from

00:24:05.200 it. And there's a lot of things that you're going to leave on the table when you decide to work for

00:24:08.900 yourself and vice versa, if you're working for yourself or somebody else. So make your decision.

00:24:14.320 You're not an inferior man because you're one or the other. I would say the only thing that would

00:24:18.920 make you inferior in that situation is doing inferior work, regardless of the work circumstances.

00:24:24.780 So make your decision and do the best job that you possibly can and realize that whether you're

00:24:29.960 employed or you're the employer, that you are your own boss and, and live your life that way.

00:24:35.200 Yeah. And maybe said another way is if you work for a company and you feel like you're a victim,

00:24:42.360 like you're being, things are being forced upon you and you're not in control. Guess what?

00:24:47.220 You go start your own business. You're just going to run that same story. Oh, the market and this and

00:24:53.000 that. And it's a mentality. It's, it's more of a thought process than it is really about where you

00:25:00.140 are. I really do. I think people that look at their jobs. Oh, good. Well, no, I was going to say,

00:25:05.300 I think that's true. But the other side of that is that I felt when I was working with another

00:25:12.500 financial firm employed by another financial firm that I was being tied and I was being handcuffed

00:25:19.100 and that I wasn't allowed to that process. Yeah, it was. And I wasn't happy and satisfied with that.

00:25:24.540 And so I created an environment in which those constraints did not exist or they were minimized

00:25:31.540 through starting my own company. And I was willing to take that risk because I felt like having

00:25:36.540 the shackles of, of those constraints on unleashed was worth pursuing my own business. So

00:25:43.900 I think we need to be careful of saying one way or the other, you just have to decide and decipher

00:25:49.180 and decode and use some discernment on whether you're making excuses or just have a bad attitude

00:25:54.420 about it, or it is a factor that needs to be considered in your decision-making process.

00:26:01.000 Yeah. Or are there legit constraints based upon the actual work that you are doing or the

00:26:05.600 organization that you work for? That's a really good point.

00:26:07.460 And they should be objective as opposed to subjective, right? Everybody would see and say, yes. For

00:26:13.240 example, there was marketing constraints in my financial planning firm that I was working with.

00:26:17.300 Yeah. Objectively, that was true. You couldn't go to anybody and they would say anything different.

00:26:22.860 Everybody agreed. So that's a pretty objective metric versus, oh, I just feel this way. And you

00:26:28.100 ask 10 people and they're like, yeah, I don't feel like that at all. Okay. Well, that's you then.

00:26:31.260 That's your perception of it. That's subjective, not objective. Yeah. Yeah. I, I lean, I lean on the

00:26:37.440 side of people are, are, are victims way too often. They look at their circumstances. They're like,

00:26:43.060 oh, well, I don't like my team in our culture or whatever, but yet they do nothing about it.

00:26:47.380 Right. It's, it's the classic person moves into the neighborhood and goes, oh, geez, you know what?

00:26:55.060 I don't, I really like my neighborhood. Why not? Oh, no one's ever reached out or whatever. It's like,

00:26:59.360 have you reached out to any of your neighbors? No, no. Yeah. Well, why is it their responsibility?

00:27:04.060 Yeah. So what are you doing about it? Right. So we have a tendency to do that, but yeah,

00:27:08.320 I see what you're saying. All right. Raid. Oh my goodness. Alphabet. Yeah. Alphabet.

00:27:19.000 I almost want to try to say it. I want to hear you try to say it and then he can tell us how bad

00:27:24.700 you butchered it. Rahama Tula. Okay. Sounds legit. Sounds legit to me. How do you manage a colleague

00:27:34.020 who's grossly incompetent and affecting your delivery of tasks and deadlines?

00:27:41.640 A colleague. So I'm assuming this is somebody maybe potentially at a same level, if you were

00:27:47.420 to look at the hierarchy of things. Yeah. And assuming that he's doing everything, he's doing

00:27:52.680 his part, but unfortunately there's aspects of the job that require this person and it's affecting

00:27:58.280 their deadlines because of it. Yeah. I would say that there was a couple of different approaches

00:28:04.920 here. Maybe the motives of this individual are different than yours. And if you can get to the

00:28:10.740 motives of this individual, that might help you get him or her on board because what you're motivated

00:28:17.180 and inspired by would likely be different than this, what this individual is motivated and inspired by.

00:28:21.700 So that's, that's one strategy. Hey, what are you in this for? Like, what do you enjoy about being

00:28:26.920 here? What are your, what are your pursuits? What are your ambitions? What are your goals? What are

00:28:30.720 your desires? These are all great questions. What's your problem and why are you incompetent? Like

00:28:34.840 questions like that is what you're saying. Those will go over really, really well. Yes. And they'll be

00:28:38.720 completely open. They won't shut themselves down. They won't throw you under the bus.

00:28:42.140 I'm incompetent. What can I do to help? Yeah. Right.

00:28:44.960 Totally. So be careful of the questions you're asking, but those questions are, are powerful.

00:28:52.100 The questions I propose, not the questions Kit proposed are powerful questions. Uh, so that's

00:28:57.000 one Avenue. The other Avenue I would consider is that you compartmentalize tasks and whoever is your

00:29:03.600 supervisor or project manager, that you ask them what your role and responsibility is and you

00:29:10.000 disassociate yourself from what their role and responsibility is so that your upline management

00:29:14.860 can see that, okay, well, Ryan got everything that I told him to get done. Now this is a

00:29:20.980 conversation about expectations. So Kip, if you're my supervisor or project manager, I would, I would

00:29:26.740 ask you, Kip, uh, if you just, so I'm clear and I understand there's a lot of moving parts and John's

00:29:32.200 got this and Bill's got this. And here's what I see my part of the project. Uh, is that correct?

00:29:39.120 And you would say, yes, that's correct or no, based on my interpretation of it. And then I have a very

00:29:44.340 clear expectation. You've communicated it with me. I've, uh, illustrated that I understand what

00:29:49.280 the expectation is. And I'm just going to come to you with my part of the project done and completed

00:29:53.420 and, and explain to you how this is going to be relying upon what this department does and that

00:29:59.480 department does, but you do the best you can in your window. And I believe that your upline

00:30:04.380 management would, would see that would recognize that don't be the a-hole. Like don't throw this guy

00:30:10.560 under the bus. Don't blame it all on him. Set these things up ahead of time. You know,

00:30:16.180 what's going to happen. This person's probably going to drag their feet, which is going to cause

00:30:18.680 you to drag your feet and just communicate very clearly to your upline management. X, Y, Z need to

00:30:26.940 happen. I should say A, B, and C needs to happen before D, E, and F happens. They're going to be able

00:30:31.540 to make the connection. Like your leadership is going to be able to connect the dots that, well,

00:30:36.180 ABC didn't happen. That wasn't Ryan's fault. What's going on? Where's A, B, and C? You don't

00:30:41.800 need to like add any fuel to the fire on that. You just need to explain how it's going to work

00:30:47.560 ahead of time. And then when ABC doesn't happen, your supervisor knows exactly who to go to.

00:30:54.000 Yeah. The only thing I'd add to this is scrum methodology. So in a scrum, you schedule what

00:31:00.180 we call sprints. So you might have a sprint and a sprint is like, think of it as a timeline in which

00:31:06.940 you plan to do certain type of work. So take what Ryan's doing and then say, okay, we're going to

00:31:11.700 have a two week sprint in the next two weeks. I'm going to get these things done. Ryan's going to

00:31:16.380 get these things done. And then we're going to touch base in a week or in two weeks. And we're going to

00:31:20.820 say, did you get your things done? And what are we going to adjust? The constant re-communication of

00:31:25.480 that scrum process and the reviewing of that sprint and who's working on what and identifying

00:31:30.900 what tasks lead to in the waterfall, right? Of this tax needs to be done before this task and

00:31:36.760 the timeline and inappropriate will naturally clearly identify who's responsible for what,

00:31:42.580 who's responsible to get things done by a certain time and et cetera. But the other benefit of that

00:31:47.420 scrum is when once we're week one in and the project is not over yet, right? We've just identified

00:31:53.080 what you and I are working on over the next week or two. And Ryan already dropped the ball.

00:31:58.380 I can now have the conversation with Ryan and say, dude, Hey, what can I help? I'm done with my

00:32:02.480 tasks for the sprint. How do I help you complete your stuff? So this project actually wraps,

00:32:08.240 uh, finishes up in time. Often on projects within organizations, we start off and we did divvy up

00:32:15.120 some tasks and then deadline comes. And all of a sudden we're like, Oh, well, I didn't get my stuff done

00:32:19.940 because he didn't get his stuff done. That a lot of that can be addressed just by communication

00:32:23.360 and constant touch base and reoccurring touch base of what's going on. And then you can even step in.

00:32:29.400 This may sound crazy. You can even step in and help that person that's incompetent and push the

00:32:34.480 project over the finish line. By you doing that, you're winning the projects winning and you're

00:32:40.960 assisting and you're providing kind of guidance and direction to someone else. And you will be

00:32:44.880 recognized for it. Just like you were saying, people are going to know that you leveled up and you

00:32:49.220 went in a path and a direction that helped the company or that project overall, regardless of

00:32:55.160 whether that task was assigned to you or not. Yeah, I like that. Uh, one of the things that

00:32:59.740 you're reminding me of, you're talking about completing your tasks and then going back to

00:33:03.280 help an individual complete theirs. There's also another strategy, which is that you can complete

00:33:07.900 your task and then move on to the next series of tasks to the degree that you can. So maybe you

00:33:13.040 can't get all of your work done because you're waiting on John to get a, B and C done,

00:33:17.500 but why can't you move on to, uh, JK and L steps, right? And maybe you can, maybe that isn't

00:33:24.500 contingent upon John finishing his work. So now you can go to your supervisor. And again,

00:33:29.020 this isn't to throw John under the bus, but it's to highlight your effectiveness. So you go,

00:33:32.980 let's say again, Kip, you're my supervisor. I might come to you and say, Hey, Kip, just wanted to let

00:33:37.920 you know, you gave me this project assignment. I got a D E and F done or, or excuse me, I got D E

00:33:43.560 done. Um, I, I can't complete F. I need to wait for step A, B and C, and then I can complete F.

00:33:49.500 Uh, but I've gone ahead and I've moved on to G and H and I and et cetera, et cetera.

00:33:53.940 So I just want to let you know, like I'm going to keep moving through this, but I've, I, I'm not

00:33:58.880 able to complete this step until ABC gets done, but I'm not throwing John under the bus. I'm just

00:34:03.020 saying, because I'm not using even John's name. I'm just saying, Hey, I need a, B and C done,

00:34:06.960 but I'm going to keep moving until that's done. And when it's done, then I'm going to stop these

00:34:09.460 and come back to, to, to F. Totally. And then in those sprints to identify on a regular basis,

00:34:15.600 where's our blockers, what's our open issues by blocker. I need this to be, could be able to

00:34:20.960 complete these tasks, right? You know, constant communication. And again, I would be very,

00:34:25.640 very careful of throwing John under the bus because then it might just come across as you whining and

00:34:29.600 he becomes an enemy. So it's, I don't need John to finish his work. I need A, B and C to be done.

00:34:35.840 Yeah. Yeah. Looking to 2020, any plans for non-resident hunting trips out West or pursuing

00:34:45.160 different species, spring Turkey, OTC deer, pronghorn, et cetera. Yeah. I've got a one deer

00:34:52.120 hunt planned in January for mule deer in Arizona. And actually that's all right now. Uh, I would like

00:35:00.320 to get to Texas again in 2020 with my friend, Colin Cottrell. He's the guy who took me on my very

00:35:05.540 first hunt. I'd love to get down to his property and shoot some pigs and deer as well. Whitetail down

00:35:10.060 there. Uh, so yeah, yeah, I've got some plans. Cool. Hawaii. Actually, Hawaii is not on the books,

00:35:17.140 but we're looking at doing Hawaii again, uh, for sheep and goat out there as well. Cause I hunt,

00:35:23.580 I've hunted the big Island. Uh, I've never hunted. I think it's Hawaii and I can't,

00:35:31.320 Molokai maybe. There's two islands that have access deer. So I'm not going to one of those

00:35:35.400 islands. I'm going to the big Island. So it'd be pig, uh, goat, sheep, feral cattle, even. So

00:35:40.960 cool. That's on the horizon. All right. And then sharks.

00:35:46.900 Uh, you're not likely going to find me in the water. No. If God wanted me to be in the water,

00:35:53.160 he would have given me fins and gills. If he wanted me to be the air, he would have given me wings. He

00:35:57.520 gave me legs because he wants me to be on the ground. So the beard, the beard would take in so

00:36:02.380 much water. You'd be like a sheep and you just like sink to the bottom. Actually, it's really

00:36:07.800 funny about the beard. A lot of people don't know this. The hair, the hair on your beard is a lot,

00:36:11.840 a lot more coarse, obviously. Right. It's a lot more coarse and thick. So this, even in the shower

00:36:18.400 takes significantly longer to get wet than the head on my hair or the hair on my head. Yeah.

00:36:23.520 Interesting. So like even in a pool, like if I just dive in a pool, like it'll still be wet,

00:36:28.800 but it won't be wet to the degree that the hair on my head will be wet. So it's kind of like a

00:36:32.880 buoyancy thing. The, the beard pushes the water away. So when he goes swimming, it just stays away

00:36:40.520 from the beard. It holds the oxygen. So I can just breathe the oxygen from my beard. It's a filter.

00:36:48.800 It's, it's a scuba diving thing. It's, I tell my wife and people who ask me, isn't it hot in the

00:36:55.280 summer? I'm like, no, man, it's like, it's like a, like a swamp cooler. Cause it gets wet and then

00:36:59.960 the breeze goes through it and it just blows everything. And it's cool. And they're always

00:37:02.440 disgusted by that. And then you can like repel, build your own rope. I mean, it has all types of

00:37:07.740 survival benefits. Yeah. Oh yeah. This is a tactical decision. Let's be very clear about that.

00:37:12.360 All right. Thomas Felcher thoughts on interjecting into a third party situation where ladies being

00:37:19.340 either verbally abused, physically abused, or both like where, when, and what is the line? If any is

00:37:26.060 crossed for you to step in and start mediating the situation or just thinking action. It's a good

00:37:32.980 question. It is a good question. And I think there are times where it definitely is appropriate. So

00:37:38.240 you better be very clear about what's happening. That's important. Uh, so taking all the surroundings

00:37:44.780 and all of the stimulus you have at your availability and take that into consideration as

00:37:49.340 you act, because you might put yourself in a dangerous situation and one in which you could

00:37:53.860 be faced with some liability potentially even as well. So be very, very careful on that. If there's

00:38:00.120 clearly a danger, not only to a woman, but another man, I would say that maybe stepping in and,

00:38:04.600 and, and doing something is the right thing to do, I would say, and look, I'm not an expert on this

00:38:10.460 stuff. There's significantly, there's more people are significantly more qualified to talk about this

00:38:14.460 than, than I do. But I would, I would maybe, uh, have some sort of verbal confrontation from a

00:38:21.440 distance with an individual. And sometimes that will deter the situation enough that an individual is

00:38:27.000 being watched. Uh, but I would not jump into anything immediately because you don't know what

00:38:32.420 you're getting yourself into. So maintain your space, maintain your distance. If you carry a

00:38:37.360 firearm, you know, make sure you're trained and proficient with that, but don't get yourself into

00:38:42.500 a situation, you know, very little about because you're exposing yourself to all sorts of risk. But

00:38:47.220 yes, I believe there are situations where it would be clear that you would need to jump into that

00:38:52.260 situation. Fortunately, I've never been there, but I could see that that is a potential, uh, of

00:38:57.300 happening and you may need to do something, which is why it's important that you be trained.

00:39:01.960 Uh, but I also think it's important that you recognize that there are authorities and you,

00:39:07.580 you know, call the authorities and make sure you do this by the book. Um, because as unfortunate as

00:39:14.020 the situation may be, you also don't want to get yourself into a worse situation or make it worse

00:39:19.760 for this individual. So just be very, very careful about what you're rushing into, why and how you're

00:39:24.840 rushing into it and, and be smart. Don't let your emotions cloud your judgment, just be smart.

00:39:31.740 But yes, there are situations where that would make sense. Definitely. Yeah, totally. Yeah. You

00:39:36.200 can't help but think of all the situations where something happens like that. And when you show up,

00:39:42.060 you're catching the tail end of something else and, and you don't even know what's leading up to it.

00:39:47.740 Like I've, I've seen videos, uh, not necessarily women being attacked by a guy, but like two guys in a

00:39:53.980 fight where you might see a guy mounting the other dude, you know, throwing down some blows or has

00:40:00.680 him in a rear naked choke and someone would show up and immediately assume like, Oh, the guy choking

00:40:05.400 him is attacking him. Right? No. Before you showed up, he was getting his ass kicked. You know what I

00:40:11.060 mean? And now he's defending himself. And now here you are coming to the rescue to like break it up.

00:40:15.800 So then that way, yeah, that way the other guy now attacks the other individual some more. Right. So

00:40:20.380 it's like, yeah, you gotta be really aware that there's, there's some context that you may not be

00:40:25.220 aware of by the time you show up or by the time you realize the situation's going on. So I think this

00:40:30.420 is also part of the reason that I don't put myself in stupid situations, not because I want to save

00:40:37.560 myself from having to rescue somebody, but because I don't want to find myself in a situation that

00:40:43.680 isn't a good experience, that isn't something that's going to be good for me and my family, whoever

00:40:48.560 I'm around. So, you know, I don't go out partying. I don't go out clubbing. I don't go into neighborhoods

00:40:54.340 that I'm not familiar with. I, you know, I just, I avoid that stuff because it's just smarter to keep

00:40:59.620 yourself out of those situations than to get yourself into unknown circumstances. But, you know, you may

00:41:04.780 find yourself in there inadvertently and in that case you'll have to act, but be careful up front about what

00:41:09.840 you're getting yourself into as well. Totally. All right. Joshua Shoebridge named three things you

00:41:15.960 envy about Australians. None of this. I don't envy Aussies because we all know secretly that you want

00:41:22.840 to be one. Is that true? Like, are we sure about that? Oh, how's this? Australians, most Australians I

00:41:32.520 know. The guys are complete studs. So, um, me too. I mean, I know probably like two, you know,

00:41:39.740 I know Adam green tree fairly well. Uh, and I've hunted with him. He's a good guy. He's got a great

00:41:45.440 family. He's a family man. He's obviously somebody who's self-sufficient leads his family. Well, um,

00:41:50.300 he's got, he's got a beautiful family. Um, I like, he seems to be hunting all the time. I don't know if

00:41:56.560 that's indicative of most Australians necessarily, but that's my experience. Yeah. Uh, the, the country

00:42:01.680 seems to be beautiful and I think their accents are cool. Is it just me, but when I, if I had to

00:42:10.140 stereotype an Australian, I, it, or compare them to another stereotype, I think of Texans. Do you

00:42:17.380 think that at all? I can see that for sure. By default, I'm like, Oh, it's, it's like a foreign

00:42:22.180 Texan. Yeah. Yeah. I can see that. Yeah. I don't know why, but you know, I don't know. Who knows?

00:42:29.460 There you go, Josh. I don't know. I don't know much about Australia or Australians, but, um,

00:42:34.440 everybody that I know from Australia, the two people, uh, seem to be pretty, pretty solid.

00:42:39.680 All right. How do you best support and care for a partner who struggles with depression

00:42:43.880 and anxiety? Anxiety. I would encourage them if it's clinical to get them help. Maybe even if it's

00:42:51.580 not, just if they're experiencing bad, a bad time or being down is, is really encourage them to get

00:42:56.440 some help outside of you. Cause sometimes having that third party is very, a lot of times it's

00:43:01.860 very, very valuable to have a third party because you're so connected and there's emotions and you're

00:43:05.980 vested in the outcome and having a third party, uh, talk with an individual is, is valuable. So

00:43:12.180 that that's the best way is try to get that individual, some, some help outside of what you

00:43:18.040 can provide outside of that, you know, be as supportive as possible. Uh, continue to be a great

00:43:23.020 example, lead yourself. Well, focus on yourself, uh, and just be the best husband, father,

00:43:31.860 whatever that you know how to be. Um, it's a, it's a difficult situation. I understand when you're

00:43:36.420 dealing with, this is also part of the reason I say, you know, address red, red flags early.

00:43:41.420 Like if you're dating a woman who, for example, might be bipolar or have some medical issues,

00:43:46.440 uh, that's something that, you know, you may want to consider whether or not you want to get

00:43:50.280 involved with that woman. And people say, well, that's harsh. Well, it's my life. So it's, it's

00:43:54.920 also the same reason that I tell guys, be careful of getting involved with a woman with kids. I'm

00:43:59.980 just telling you, like, it's going to be more of a challenge and I'm not saying it can't work.

00:44:05.080 Uh, I'm, I'm just saying that if you are getting involved with a woman with kids,

00:44:08.880 that you're adding more friction to your plate and you have to ask if you're willing to take upon

00:44:15.200 that friction or if you're not, and if you're not, you're not a bad guy. Please understand that.

00:44:20.760 If you're not willing to take upon that friction of somebody who's maybe mentally unstable or has

00:44:25.760 some, some mental or physical issues or somebody who has a kids just because you aren't willing to

00:44:32.060 take that upon you does not make you a bad human being. It just means that you're very deliberate

00:44:36.160 and intentional about your life and that's how you should be. So if you're already in the situation,

00:44:40.880 get that individual help, be a great example, support in a way that you can urge them to

00:44:47.340 have outlets and hobbies and things that edify and uplift them. And that's what you can do.

00:44:54.040 Yeah. I would assume that if he asked the question of how do you deal with depression and anxiety,

00:45:01.500 that might be insightful to people because ultimately if that's what would help you,

00:45:07.760 maybe you can, you know, kind of gear towards those same things above and beyond like just the

00:45:12.540 clinical stuff is like, well, how do you deal with depression individually or anxiety when you're

00:45:18.440 feeling down? And, and those are maybe the things that you can kind of be an example around to help

00:45:23.440 that individual, you know, gain some confidence about themselves and focus on a mission and,

00:45:28.220 and those kinds of things. Uh, for me, I mean, if you're asking me, I just go to work.

00:45:33.640 That always helps me anytime I'm idle. Yeah. If I'm idle, that's where I tend to get down. You

00:45:39.480 know, if I'm on social media or idle and just like thinking about things, I tend to get down and

00:45:44.320 depressed or so I just go to work, like have something meaningful, even if it's just going

00:45:48.840 outside and shooting arrows or going to jujitsu or answering emails or whatever, reading a book,

00:45:54.580 if I can distract myself, that seems to help and do something productive. Productivity always seems to

00:45:59.260 help me. Yeah. I'm the same way. I think productivity or doing something physical

00:46:04.060 has a tendency to kind of clear my mind, um, quite a bit as well and service, you know,

00:46:09.400 having some charity and serving other people is always kind of a major, a great way to uplift

00:46:14.420 yourself. And, and to be honest, especially if it's someone that's in a worse situation than you,

00:46:19.160 it sounds kind of mean, but help someone that's worse off than you makes you feel a lot better about

00:46:24.720 your current circumstances. So, well, it's not mean at all. It's good. It's a good, it's good. It's,

00:46:30.600 it's good to help people that are not as well off as you might be. There's not, there's not a mean

00:46:36.340 thing about that. Yeah. Here's a thought. And I'm curious what you think about this is I wonder

00:46:41.580 sometimes when we get down and there's a little bit of depression, it's because that we're chasing,

00:46:47.760 um, happiness or excitement and, and those things are sometimes fleeting versus, um, the pursue of,

00:46:57.380 of joy and, and something that's purposeful and more meaningful in our lives. And, and I think

00:47:03.640 if we focus on the right things that kind of can help mitigate depression from coming in

00:47:09.500 because depression for, at least for me, has it tends to be tied to, to things that are superficial

00:47:14.420 often. Yeah. I think it stems from two things outside of, you know, mental illness. I think it

00:47:21.540 stems from a couple of different things. I would say, I would, I would agree with what you say. I

00:47:25.780 would use different words. You know, if you're chasing happiness to me, when people are chasing

00:47:30.380 happiness, they're chasing things that don't hold any friction. That's not a, that's not a great way to

00:47:35.580 live. And whether you choose the word happiness or not, you all understand what I'm saying. If you're

00:47:40.300 chasing a life, right, that's, that's not going to provide anything for you. I choose to chase

00:47:46.120 and pursue fulfillment. Fulfillment isn't void of friction. Fulfillment. In fact, oftentimes has a lot

00:47:54.280 of friction, but you're pursuing something that's meaningful and it helps give purpose to the

00:48:00.000 friction that you're going to experience. So rather than chasing happiness, I choose fulfillment. Now I

00:48:05.800 don't care what words you use. Everybody I think gets and understands the concept. So don't come

00:48:11.520 back and tell me, well, actually, you understand what I'm saying. So that's, that's one. The other

00:48:17.660 thing that I think creates, at least for me, uh, some anxiety and depression and feeling down about

00:48:23.160 myself is when I get into the comparison trap and I compare myself to where other people are relative

00:48:29.340 to where I'd like to be. So that's a, that's a trap that I tend to step into and I need to be more

00:48:34.280 conscious of avoiding. Yeah, totally. Well, let's take one more and then I got to run Kip. And when

00:48:39.560 you say that word fulfillment, just really quick, I, at least for me that I think that that relates

00:48:44.580 to something bigger than yourself, that it's something that transcends your shitty day-to-day

00:48:51.840 complaints, that it's something bigger that kind of drives you for a greater purpose. Just right. And

00:48:59.260 that's where that friction, friction comes into play, right? If there's no friction, it's just like

00:49:03.400 everything good happens and your life is miraculous and it's just, it's, it's easy. I don't want easy.

00:49:09.140 I want fulfillment. And it's weird, right? Because I've been keep trying to have this easy life and,

00:49:13.800 uh, yeah, hasn't shown up yet. Yeah. Good luck. Good luck. It's kind of tough to find. All right.

00:49:21.100 William Bettish, how do you get your spouse on board with your mission? I'm dealing with an unmotivated,

00:49:27.420 mostly lazy spouse while working night shift. It's hard to keep her on the same page with

00:49:33.100 regimening the kids' lifestyles in order to help us all succeed. I'm stepping down from my job in

00:49:38.440 January to take on a position working days, but until then I am driving myself nuts. Side note,

00:49:45.100 we have discussed plenty of strategies in order to help our household run smoother,

00:49:49.020 but when things get hard, she throws her hands up and gives up.

00:49:51.840 Hmm. Great. Last question. Cause I got to run. I don't have a lot of time.

00:49:58.780 You got to run. You got one minute. I got to go. Nevermind. I don't want to answer this question.

00:50:02.420 Yeah. Let's see. Yeah. Uh, next week. Holy cow. Let's unpackage this. Well, first of all,

00:50:06.840 there's a lot of assumptions here. I think that's something that that's pretty obvious

00:50:10.400 is you're assuming that she's maybe unmotivated and lazy, but maybe she's just motivated by different

00:50:16.860 things than you are. Maybe you've unpackaged that and maybe you haven't, but that's where I'd start.

00:50:21.540 Is what is she motivated by and what does your growth, what, what risk does your growth pose to

00:50:31.300 her, right? She may be threatened by your growth. And so maybe you haven't done a great job illustrating

00:50:36.940 and communicating what your growth is not only going to do for you, but what it's going to do

00:50:41.460 for the family. And why should she be on board with that? Yeah. Or it's just the benefit of the

00:50:46.080 regiment, right? You're saying, Hey, you know, we're trying to have this regiment in place and

00:50:49.600 she get throws her hands up. Well, maybe she's throwing her hands up because she's not

00:50:53.640 seeing the value in it. Right. So it would be easy to say, well, you need to get her to do this

00:50:59.540 and this and this and this, and maybe there's some elements to that, but I would say focus where you

00:51:03.380 can, which is how you control yourself and how you're framing the growth and the expansion,

00:51:08.280 the progress that you're looking for. That's a marketing, that's a sales issue, right? That's,

00:51:13.940 that's you being able to market why this is in her best interest. And if you can figure out what

00:51:19.580 she's motivated and inspired by, and then tie everything. And I say tie, but I should say frame

00:51:25.040 frame, everything that you're doing as far as growth in the context of how it ties into her

00:51:30.560 motives and inspirations, you're going to find it much more, much easier time convincing for lack

00:51:37.860 of a better term, her to, I should say influence. You can have a much easier time influencing her

00:51:43.800 to move in a direction that you feel is adequate and worthwhile. And she'll also feel it too. That's

00:51:49.780 the beauty of it. You could be moving towards the same goal, but you're on different paths and

00:51:54.640 different ways of doing it because you're inspired by X and she's inspired by Z and, and, but ultimately

00:52:00.700 you're getting to the same place. It just might be a framing issue. So I would spend some serious,

00:52:06.880 serious time figuring out what does she want? Look, I've never met an individual who doesn't

00:52:13.160 have goals and aspirations. I mean, you could even take, I was in DC this last week and, uh,

00:52:20.100 there was a guy sitting on the corner, shaking his cup. Even that guy has some sort of motivation

00:52:25.520 and inspiration. Cause if he didn't, he would just go on the corner and die, but he's out there.

00:52:30.260 Look, that's, that's strange to me, but he's out there shaking his cup. Like he's obviously putting

00:52:37.940 forth some level of effort. We can debate how much effort, but he's doing something. So even he has

00:52:45.200 some sort of aspirations. So you need to figure out what her aspirations are and then frame your growth

00:52:51.280 growth and your family's growth in the context of her aspirational goals. I love it. The only, I would add,

00:52:59.580 be mindful, uh, to effectively understand her aspirations and goals. You need to let go of the

00:53:07.120 fact that, uh, the expectation that you're setting in regards to like, like deal in reality. The reality

00:53:12.980 of it is X, Y, Z. She doesn't think this is as important as you just deal in reality instead of like,

00:53:19.360 that might not even be reality this way. Well, whatever reality is right. Try, how's this try?

00:53:25.900 But you don't know. We don't know what the reality is, but try to let go on the fact that she doesn't

00:53:30.760 see it the same way as you, as it being wrong. She just sees it differently. And now, now address the

00:53:37.460 issue. We have a tendency to say, well, if they don't agree with me, like we won't let go of that

00:53:41.880 part, right? It's like, well, this is the right way. It's like, well, maybe for you. So let go of that.

00:53:47.820 And now listen and understand and, you know, then deal with the circumstance that will help

00:53:51.740 at least a little. I think we talked about this last week with self-development. You know,

00:53:56.660 for example, I think what I had talked about is my, my wife, it's going to be very unlikely that

00:54:01.660 she's going to read a self self-help book, but she'll take a course on growing a garden.

00:54:08.580 Yeah. I won't take that course, but she will. Neither one of us are wrong. And guess what?

00:54:12.620 We're still developing. Both of us are developing in different ways, ways that are meaningful for us.

00:54:16.600 Totally. All right. All right. Let's wrap this up in 30 seconds. All right. For you guys to submit

00:54:21.620 your questions to the AMA, because, Hey, let's be frank. You getting your question on the AMA is like

00:54:26.760 a major milestone in your life. And if you want to be referenced and have the honor of us reading

00:54:33.360 your name incorrectly and right, butchering your name, that you need to submit your question. And you

00:54:39.780 could do that via our Facebook group, facebook.com slash group slash order of man, or Hey, just become

00:54:46.480 a better man period. And join us in the iron council. That's our exclusive brotherhood. It

00:54:52.960 is order of man.com slash iron council. And I just can't say enough about the men that we get to rub

00:54:57.960 shoulders with in that brotherhood. It is awesome. Support the podcast via your, uh, podcast aggregator,

00:55:06.880 Apple iTunes or whatever, leave a rating review or subscribe to the YouTube channel. I think we're

00:55:11.980 did. Do we reach a hundred thousand? No, it kind of stalled out a little bit. We're still growing

00:55:15.940 quite a bit actually, but we're really close to a hundred thousand. Yeah. We're like 97,000 or so.

00:55:21.220 Yeah. So help us push over because it's meaningful. And Ryan will internalize that as his meaning and

00:55:28.060 value in life based upon how many subscribers that we have on YouTube. It will, it will be the pinnacle of

00:55:32.640 achievement. Uh, forget my wife, forget my kids, forget my military service, forget everything else

00:55:37.300 we're doing in order of man. It is the pinnacle of my achievement and human performance. Please help

00:55:43.020 me achieve that. Also we have new hats, curve brim hats. I I'm throwing people for a loop with this

00:55:50.080 one. And even still, I get a curve room. He's not curved enough guys. I can't do it all for you.

00:55:56.360 So here's the cool thing about hats. When you get them, I send it to you and it's maybe slightly

00:56:01.760 curved and then you put it on your head and then you wrap your hands around it and you curve it

00:56:08.380 to your preference. I wouldn't want to ruin your hat custom prior to you receiving it.

00:56:13.100 Yeah. It's a custom hat. And you know what? I'm asking you to exert yourself a little bit

00:56:17.860 by bending your own hat to your liking and be a lighthouse to others that would like to see

00:56:25.340 their hats curved. That's right. Store.orderman.com. All right, Kip, I got to go. I got other appointments.

00:56:30.500 You do too. These guys got things to do. I appreciate you guys. We'll be back on Friday

00:56:34.260 for the Friday Field Notes. Until then, go out there, take action, become the man you are meant

00:56:39.000 to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You ready to...

Order of Man - November 27, 2019

Instincts vs. Assumptions, Fulfillment vs. Happiness, and Being Your Own Boss ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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