Order of Man - January 20, 2021


Integrity and Self-Betrayal, Helping Others on the Path, and Rebelling Against Tyranny ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING


Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 6 minutes

Words per minute

156.72429

Word count

10,409

Sentence count

724

Harmful content

Misogyny

7

sentences flagged

Toxicity

31

sentences flagged

Hate speech

10

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of the Ask Me Anything podcast, I answer your questions about what it means to be a man and what it takes to be one. I also discuss my goals for the new year and what I hope to accomplish in the next 12 weeks.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:06.040 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.
00:00:15.520 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
00:00:19.780 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:00:25.140 Gentlemen, welcome to the Order of Man podcast.
00:00:27.800 This is your Ask Me Anything episode.
00:00:32.320 I will be running solo today. Mr. Mickler is traveling.
00:00:36.040 And so you'll get me, but he'll be back for Friday Field Notes this coming Friday.
00:00:41.860 So stay tuned. Subscribe to the podcast.
00:00:44.540 Make sure to stay connected with us so you're getting the latest and greatest.
00:00:48.780 That includes jumping onto YouTube and subscribing there as well.
00:00:54.000 For you guys that don't know, we filled questions from a number of different sources.
00:00:59.800 One is from our Facebook group. That's facebook.com slash group slash order of man.
00:01:04.660 We filled questions from the Iron Council.
00:01:07.440 That is our exclusive brotherhood.
00:01:11.020 To learn more about the Iron Council, you can go to orderofman.com slash iron council.
00:01:15.220 And then today's questions, we're actually filled in from Instagram.
00:01:19.260 We mentioned this last week.
00:01:21.180 You know, we typically don't ask for questions on Instagram and Ryan did and we just got flooded.
00:01:26.780 So we got overran with Instagram questions.
00:01:29.880 And so I'll be filled in questions from Instagram today.
00:01:33.020 And then next AMA, Mr. Mickler will be running solo as I will be off grid.
00:01:38.620 So hopefully we give some good thought to these questions that you guys have and provide some solid thoughts for you to consider.
00:01:49.080 And worst case, we have a good dialogue around, you know, what it means to be a man and what we can do to improve and better each other.
00:01:57.380 So let's just jump right into this.
00:01:59.300 So our first question on Instagram is from Diesel Loverland.
00:02:04.700 He says, what is your 2021 goals?
00:02:07.940 And unfortunately, well, let me just stop.
00:02:10.660 For all you guys that wanted Ryan's responses, my apologies.
00:02:13.640 You're going to get mine today.
00:02:15.460 But hopefully they're still valuable.
00:02:17.380 So what are my 2021 goals?
00:02:20.420 So first off, within the Iron Council, we follow 12-week battle plans is what we call them.
00:02:27.660 And it's really focused on accomplishing things within a 12-week period of time.
00:02:32.760 There's evidence and studies that prove that when we focus on year-long goals, most individuals will have great success initially on their goals.
00:02:42.620 And then they'll procrastinate until the end of the year.
00:02:44.660 And then they'll mad scramble to pull it off.
00:02:46.480 And then the holiday season comes.
00:02:47.740 And then you end up not accomplishing anything.
00:02:49.320 So we really focus on a 12-week segment.
00:02:53.320 However, if I look at 2021 as a whole, even though my focus is in the next 12 weeks, I would say my goals are primarily around these areas.
00:03:03.760 One, I want to be in the best shape of my life.
00:03:07.380 And I'm pretty close to that already.
00:03:10.160 But I want to push that and take that to a new level.
00:03:13.960 Second, I want to have growth in a new business venture that I'm going after.
00:03:20.320 I want to improve peace at home, if that makes sense.
00:03:27.340 There's just too much contention at house.
00:03:29.260 We're always frustrated.
00:03:30.220 We're running around after our head's cut off.
00:03:31.900 I'm probably yelling at kids too much.
00:03:33.840 And so really creating an environment where our home is a haven away from the craziness of this world.
00:03:41.420 And then really around some intentionality around my integrity and reducing what we call that integrity gap, where there might be a difference between what I know I should do versus what I do.
00:03:57.000 And I have a lot of areas that I need to sure up in.
00:04:00.760 And there's kind of a question a little bit later about what is integrity.
00:04:04.360 And so I'll kind of save the definition of integrity for that question.
00:04:10.260 But for the most part, that's what 2021 looks like for me.
00:04:15.220 All right.
00:04:15.700 Lone Papa, in what ways have you failed to hold yourself accountable this winter?
00:04:22.060 You know, so I struggled.
00:04:25.160 Well, you know, it's funny, right?
00:04:27.120 Our default behavior in life is to focus on looking good and the avoidance of looking bad, right?
00:04:36.120 That's why a lot of people don't do certain things because their ego's in the way. 0.96
00:04:39.940 They don't want to look like a fool.
00:04:42.640 The way you're – how you wake up in the morning and the way you dress is part of caring about what people think, right? 0.95
00:04:48.460 And so – and that's true for me, and I have to put that in check.
00:04:51.820 And so when I heard this – when I read this question, I thought, do I want to share this, right?
00:04:57.400 But hopefully – I don't know.
00:04:59.020 Hopefully there's some humanity in me sharing, you know, my struggles.
00:05:02.620 And so I would say an area that I've struggled holding myself accountable
00:05:06.660 or an area in which I've struggled holding myself accountable is clearing things up with my wife.
00:05:13.760 I have a tendency to clam up if I'm upset, mostly because I don't want to overreact with emotion and get in a fight or whatever.
00:05:25.520 And then with the intention that, like, we'll talk about it later when we're more calm or when it's appropriate,
00:05:32.640 when kids aren't around or whatever, and then I don't.
00:05:36.200 And then I just blow it off because I don't want to have that uncomfortable conversation.
00:05:39.760 And so that is such a natural instinct for me, and it is a major problem.
00:05:47.580 And it affects us.
00:05:50.120 It affects our relationship.
00:05:52.800 I'm not clear on my communications.
00:05:54.600 I'm not clear on my expectations.
00:05:56.780 She has no idea what's going on.
00:05:58.680 I'm sure the meaning and the interpretation that she puts around my withdrawal is probably even worse than what we need to talk about.
00:06:06.800 And so that's been an area that I've struggled with this past winter and certainly an area that has to do with that piece at home.
00:06:16.300 That's part of that 2021 goal.
00:06:18.860 So.
00:06:19.900 All right.
00:06:21.900 Beauty of Instagram names.
00:06:23.260 I can't even.
00:06:24.020 I have no idea what this is.
00:06:28.700 I don't know.
00:06:30.320 Armor Dartay 25.
00:06:31.820 What does it mean to be a man of integrity?
00:06:37.320 So this is actually a great question because within the Iron Council, we're part of battle teams.
00:06:42.620 And I shared a lesson to the leadership team just this past week.
00:06:48.860 And there's a segment on it about integrity.
00:06:51.100 And so I'll kind of share from that because I think it will.
00:06:54.000 I give some thought to it.
00:06:55.320 Right.
00:06:55.500 So it's a little bit better prepared.
00:06:56.680 So here's the first thing at its core.
00:07:02.700 When we are authentic.
00:07:06.780 We are saying and doing what is true for us.
00:07:11.900 And I'm not saying like my truth.
00:07:13.440 None of that kind of BS.
00:07:14.560 Right.
00:07:14.740 What I'm saying is that we're saying and doing what we know we should do.
00:07:19.780 That is having being authentic with ourselves.
00:07:25.120 And I believe integrity is how we get there.
00:07:30.460 Now, a few key things.
00:07:34.840 One, I think when we're out of integrity, it's an act contrary to how we feel or what we.
00:07:43.000 If it's it's an act that's contrary to how we feel or about what we should or should not do.
00:07:50.320 And when we.
00:07:53.200 Act in a way that's not in line with what we know we should.
00:07:58.320 There's a sense of self-betrayal.
00:08:01.400 The book Outward Mindset talks about this.
00:08:03.840 And what's so powerful about this concept is self-betrayal requires just justification.
00:08:13.740 And so, as an example, if I know I should do something and I don't do it, I have to explain that in my mind.
00:08:22.720 Well, I can't do that.
00:08:23.880 I'm too busy.
00:08:25.180 Or I shouldn't have to do that because this other person should have done their part.
00:08:29.940 Or, you know, everyone else takes advantage of the system, so why not me?
00:08:33.960 Like, we have these justifications that go with that integrity gap.
00:08:40.640 And often, those justifications are tied to blaming someone.
00:08:48.340 Well, I would do this.
00:08:50.240 However, here's my justification.
00:08:52.400 And if that individual was doing their part, then I would have been able to.
00:08:56.080 And so, not only do we justify our lack of action or our poor action, we actually then start blaming other people for our lack of integrity.
00:09:07.480 And ironically enough, if you look at the relationships that you have in your life, and if we looked at from a spouse perspective, and I start blaming my spouse, my mindset towards them has changed.
00:09:20.000 And I'm going to treat them a certain way.
00:09:23.680 And based upon my treatment of them, they become the very thing that I'm blaming them for.
00:09:31.280 And it almost becomes self-fulfilling prophecy.
00:09:35.880 And we find that evidence, and we're constantly looking for evidence to justify our lack of integrity.
00:09:43.020 And we don't even stop there.
00:09:44.980 What we then do is we enlist other people, right?
00:09:50.760 We find other visuals, and we share our story with them.
00:09:54.120 And then they're like, oh, yeah, you know, you're totally right.
00:09:56.100 You're justified in the way you feel.
00:09:57.800 And now we get this tribalization around our victimhood and our justifications for all being out of integrity.
00:10:07.340 It's not as simple.
00:10:08.860 And I used to think about this.
00:10:10.280 I used to think it was like a lack of integrity.
00:10:13.760 The drawback of it was that it changed my perception of self, right?
00:10:17.920 Like I lowered the bar of my perception of who I was as an individual.
00:10:23.040 And I used to think it stopped there, but it doesn't because that justification brings in the blame.
00:10:32.320 And once we start blaming people against our circumstances, then we enlist people.
00:10:40.140 And the more we're out of integrity, the more we justify it, the more we hold on to it. 0.97
00:10:44.820 And we will drag that shit along as long as it will work until we are willing to face ourselves in the mirror and accept the fact that it is our doing. 0.97
00:10:57.420 So, I mean, and hopefully you guys are like listening to this and thinking and realizing that this is far bigger than just like how you show up. 0.99
00:11:09.400 And this is, I mean, you can see aspects of this in our society about taking a lack of ownership and blaming everyone else for everything.
00:11:19.960 And then we justify it and we enlist people and we just, and it's this perpetual, horrible way of being in life.
00:11:28.840 Um, it's a big deal.
00:11:31.280 And, and that's where earlier, as I think about this year, what are all the little areas, even that I'm subconsciously out of integrity where I'm not doing what I know I should be doing.
00:11:43.480 And, and lately I've been given a lot of thought to it and it shows up all the time.
00:11:49.140 So it's, it's really kind of been a focus of mine.
00:11:51.460 So anyhow, hopefully, hopefully that answers the question.
00:11:54.380 Um, all right, next, um, Alyssa Veras, how should young men and women without families in their own homes yet prepare for what's to come?
00:12:06.700 So I'm assuming young men, young women, they, they're not settled down.
00:12:10.500 They're not married.
00:12:11.020 They don't have families yet, but how do they prepare to have families?
00:12:14.140 Um, it's sovereignty.
00:12:18.460 Um, it's your ability to take care of yourself, to take ownership of your emotions, your financial wellbeing, and remove the dependency that you have on other systems.
00:12:33.920 Uh, and so much in a way that you're then positioned to be able to provide, protect and serve over others.
00:12:44.780 In the grand scheme of things to become an effective parent is your ability to protect, provide, and preside.
00:12:51.560 And we, you can't do those things.
00:12:54.160 If you can't provide for yourself, I can't protect someone.
00:12:57.620 If I can't protect myself, I can't preside and provide guidance and direction to someone.
00:13:02.560 If I can't do that for myself, it goes back to Jordan Peterson's book, the 12 laws, like fix your stuff, get your home in order, get yourself in order.
00:13:12.820 So you're in a position to be that lighthouse, to have that necessary skillset, to be able to do that for others.
00:13:21.100 And don't wait.
00:13:22.140 Like it's a now thing, right?
00:13:24.100 It's not a like someday, or once I find out we're pregnant, we're expecting a kid, then I'll level up.
00:13:29.540 Right?
00:13:29.760 It doesn't work that way.
00:13:30.800 We should all be striving for that level of sovereignty in our lives, uh, regardless of our position, whether, regardless of whether we have kids, it doesn't matter.
00:13:41.680 Garrett Buck for a man in his last semester of college, what things should I be doing to ensure my success when stepping into the real world as a man?
00:13:53.060 So first off, um, I'll just use my experience.
00:13:59.000 So I didn't wait and I don't know if that's still a thing, but I remember when I was in college, everyone was kind of like, Hey, we're going to, you know, once we graduate, I'll, we'll get these amazing jobs.
00:14:14.780 Once I graduate, it's like the someday syndrome, the eighth day of the week, right?
00:14:18.700 Well, someday, right.
00:14:19.800 Once I graduate, then I will not, I would get out of that mindset.
00:14:24.140 Yeah.
00:14:24.300 You want the right job, get the right job right now.
00:14:26.780 Don't even wait to graduate.
00:14:28.640 Like get after it, put yourself in a position to take on the real world immediately, right?
00:14:35.780 This very moment.
00:14:36.960 Right.
00:14:37.880 And, and, and, and ensuring your success, right.
00:14:43.860 You use the term, um, what, what things should I do to ensure my success when stepping into the world?
00:14:48.980 What's success?
00:14:50.720 That's the other thing that I feel, I feel like we, we rarely do.
00:14:54.240 And I never did this by the way.
00:14:55.620 So the fact that you're considering this at your age is, is way better than ever where I was.
00:15:00.060 But I never defined what success was.
00:15:04.920 I sat back and like, well, sex success is these elusive things, but I never like put it to paper and clearly identified it.
00:15:12.920 And, and I think this is really important because one, you know, if you're progressing towards quote unquote success, the other thing is by putting it on paper, you could then ask yourself, am I willing to do the necessary items for that level of success?
00:15:31.560 A perfect example of this is like the, you know, this elusive term of wanting to be a millionaire.
00:15:38.260 Ask any person on the street, would you like to be a millionaire?
00:15:41.240 Everyone would say yes, for the most part.
00:15:42.860 Oh yeah.
00:15:43.280 Hell yeah.
00:15:43.860 I'd be, I'd love to be a millionaire.
00:15:45.600 I'd be so happy.
00:15:46.380 I mean, what's ignore all the misunderstandings of happiness and, and money.
00:15:51.560 But regardless, I think most people would say, yes, I would like to be a millionaire.
00:15:56.200 But then if you bullet it out, what would be required of them to become one and then ask them, are you willing to do these things?
00:16:06.440 Now it's a whole other question.
00:16:07.600 And so far too often we seek something without knowing the effort that it takes to get there. 0.54
00:16:15.160 And, and then, and then you'd be like, oh man, I'm, I'm, I'm kicking my, you know, I'm kicking myself in the butt, constantly trying to like progress, but I can't get, because you had never even defined what there is.
00:16:25.500 And without knowing what there is, how can you possibly identify if you're willing to put in the work to get there?
00:16:30.900 And, and, and to the point of success, success to you may not be a million dollars and working 60 hours a week.
00:16:40.380 Success to you might be working 20 hours a week and having freedom of time.
00:16:45.460 Well, that drastically changes things.
00:16:48.460 What's required or what type of job you would have to have.
00:16:51.300 And so sometimes when we don't define these things, we end up chasing something that we don't even want.
00:16:56.300 So I would identify what is success and start now.
00:17:02.520 Don't start until, you know, don't wait until you graduate or any of that kind of BS, like figure out what it is and start taking action now.
00:17:10.880 Clifford Moore.
00:17:11.820 I have a younger cousin who was living with my parents for the third time.
00:17:16.520 He never had a father figure in his life.
00:17:18.840 I had a, uh, I had a good heart to heart with him when I was in Alabama for Christmas.
00:17:24.920 I'm not looking to be a father figure at all, but rather a friend or a mentor living in North Carolina.
00:17:31.640 I cannot be around him as much as I'd like.
00:17:34.040 How would you guys attempt to have deeper continual relationship with him in order to show him how to become a better man?
00:17:41.420 So the, the first part is, let me lay a baseline analogy and everyone that listens to a podcast over time, you, you, you probably already know what I'm going to say.
00:17:57.520 So we use an analogy of a tugboat or a lighthouse tugboats.
00:18:03.020 Don't change people.
00:18:05.020 Lighthouses do, but for a lighthouse to work, you are sought after, right?
00:18:12.980 We, a lighthouse doesn't like pick boats out in the ocean and help them, right?
00:18:17.480 The boats have to be looking to that lighthouse lighthouse.
00:18:20.360 So the first thing is, is you need to be in a position where you're even a lighthouse, where you have your things, you, you have your act together and you're in a position to actually even help someone.
00:18:30.520 It kind of goes to that, the question earlier.
00:18:32.820 So with that baseline, here's some thoughts.
00:18:36.940 Number one, remove the expectation that you need to change him.
00:18:40.640 I think you need to change your mindset first.
00:18:43.720 And the reason why is because if you have the mindset of, I need to change him, then you're going to approach this whole thing wrong.
00:18:53.340 So approach this from a perspective of building a relationship and getting to know him.
00:19:02.900 That's it.
00:19:03.580 Second, well, so change your mindset.
00:19:11.120 Number two, change your focus on, um, and your attention and focus on the relationship.
00:19:18.260 Okay.
00:19:19.200 Number three, give him opportunities to help you.
00:19:23.500 You create opportunities for him to help you.
00:19:25.900 Don't go like, Hey, how can I help you?
00:19:27.580 No, it's not going to work, right?
00:19:28.840 He, he has to make those decisions on his, on his own.
00:19:32.360 We create opportunities for others to take advantage of, right?
00:19:36.060 So you create opportunities for him.
00:19:37.940 So, and you can do that by asking him to be someone to hold you accountable.
00:19:45.280 Ask him for his thoughts and opinions on things.
00:19:50.840 But it's very, we have to write this very careful line of serving people and helping them,
00:19:58.540 but not forcing them or having the expectation that they need to change.
00:20:04.800 They need to come to that conclusion their own.
00:20:06.700 And the reason why is like, you could even have like a great pep talk with him and maybe 0.96
00:20:11.860 he's like, Holy crap.
00:20:13.100 You know, I need to get my stuff together. 0.95
00:20:14.580 But guess what?
00:20:15.820 That's going to be short lived.
00:20:18.580 He's not even bought into it.
00:20:20.100 He's only doing it because you're suggested it.
00:20:22.040 So that's not going to work anyway.
00:20:24.400 So be the lighthouse, be the shining example, focus your attention on the relationship,
00:20:29.960 remove the expectations that you have that he needs to change and then create opportunities
00:20:33.900 for him.
00:20:34.520 And, and there's, and there's other strategies.
00:20:36.580 Like one thing that we often talk about is sharing common messages, right?
00:20:40.540 Invite him into your tribe.
00:20:41.840 And that could be done through sharing podcasts, sharing this podcast with him.
00:20:46.580 See if it resonates with him, sharing books that are profound for you and, and, and then
00:20:51.640 have a follow-up and say, Hey, after you read this book, let's talk, you know, and have those
00:20:55.540 conversations with him.
00:20:56.580 I think those are other ways that we can introduce ideas and maybe suggestions, but in the end,
00:21:01.900 they have to come to those conclusions on their own.
00:21:04.600 Otherwise it's going to be short lived and they're not going to have the motivation and
00:21:07.840 the desire to see anything through.
00:21:10.120 They're just going to do it because you quote unquote suggested it and they don't want to
00:21:13.700 offend you or some other, you know, kind of short lived reason.
00:21:18.420 Justin Minger, how best can I prepare my son to face the war on masculinity?
00:21:26.160 So first I'd, I'd suggest two books.
00:21:30.120 Yeah.
00:21:30.720 Well, there's probably a bunch of books now that I think about it, but two books come to
00:21:34.200 mind.
00:21:34.640 The first is the boy crisis by Warren Farrell.
00:21:37.580 Uh, we talk about it quite a bit, or at least I talk about it quite a bit.
00:21:41.260 Uh, this book really illustrates the uphill battle that every boy is facing in our society
00:21:49.680 today.
00:21:50.880 And, and, and, and, and, uh, Warren Farrell, even like does like breakouts of like questions
00:21:57.720 and conversations you need to have with your sons and, and helping them understand that battle
00:22:03.840 that is placed before them.
00:22:05.760 And, and I want to be really clear because as I read that book, it could be really simple
00:22:10.120 to be upset and demonize a little bit like, oh, this is unfair.
00:22:15.760 And, you know, that's not right or whatever.
00:22:19.220 I would encourage not to do that.
00:22:21.240 Right.
00:22:21.500 Like I would really encourage that you understand the constructs, the social constructs that
00:22:28.080 are facing your child period.
00:22:30.120 Right.
00:22:30.520 I don't think there's like some governing body sitting out in the world that says, Hey, we
00:22:36.680 want to have a war on masculinity. 0.98
00:22:38.120 I actually think there's, there's social constructs that are doing that.
00:22:43.840 Um, and probably for a lot of people, it's based upon good intentions.
00:22:49.300 Uh, they're just naive, I think to, to the consequences of what they're supporting, if
00:22:57.920 that makes sense.
00:22:58.660 So try not to demonize, but understand that there's social constructs in play that are
00:23:03.400 affecting our young boys.
00:23:04.600 The, the second book I would suggest is, um, the coddling of the American mind by Jonathan.
00:23:11.940 I think it's Jonathan hat.
00:23:14.700 And that book really lays the groundwork for kind of the council culture we experienced
00:23:22.240 today.
00:23:22.880 And this, this, um, lack of understanding of the benefits of, um, different genders. 0.65
00:23:31.300 And, and it kind of, I don't know, I think it has a play into the boy crisis and it, and
00:23:36.700 it, and we'll, we'll kind of, they compliment each other.
00:23:39.780 And when, when we talk about the war on masculinity, the, the other things I could say is, um, building
00:23:46.440 confidence, um, and, and you being, uh, the, the prime example of what masculinity should
00:23:54.580 look like because the war on masculinity is based upon what misunderstandings of what masculinity
00:24:02.080 is or poor examples of masculinity, right?
00:24:05.620 Toxic mask masculinity.
00:24:07.080 That term came up.
00:24:07.880 Why?
00:24:08.760 Well, one people's making it up, but the other ones might be bad examples of men.
00:24:13.160 So you be that example where your son can look to you and go, okay, that's what it means
00:24:18.880 to be a man.
00:24:19.520 It means to be like him.
00:24:21.360 That's what a real man looks like because the reality of it is the examples that he's 0.80
00:24:27.480 going to have in life of what a real man is, is skewed as hell, you know, and, and it,
00:24:34.220 and it gets promoted wrong.
00:24:35.740 So you're going to have to double down and make sure that your boys or boy is fully aware
00:24:42.220 about what it means to be a man.
00:24:44.380 And, and I would have that conversation.
00:24:46.280 I didn't have that conversation with my older boys.
00:24:48.820 I don't know until recently that, that, that was even a thing that I felt was necessary
00:24:55.380 of like, what do you think it means to be a man?
00:24:59.080 Like really define it.
00:25:00.400 It's just like the goal question earlier, right?
00:25:02.320 Like success in life.
00:25:03.560 What does that mean?
00:25:04.400 Well, what does it mean to be a man?
00:25:05.920 Does your boy really know?
00:25:08.040 Right?
00:25:08.480 Because if it's society, he's 18, that's being a man.
00:25:13.620 That's not true.
00:25:14.440 We know that all the people listening to this podcast, we all know that's not true.
00:25:18.440 Just because you're an adult doesn't mean you're a man.
00:25:21.680 That's far from it, right?
00:25:23.680 There's a lot of grown boys that are victims that can't protect anybody. 0.89
00:25:29.160 They're cowards that have no integrity, that are in no position to preside or protect over 0.65
00:25:35.680 or, or, uh, provide for anybody, let alone themselves. 0.99
00:25:40.640 Right?
00:25:41.180 So I'd get really clear on what it, what does it mean to be a man to your son and, and
00:25:45.940 work on, and Ryan talks about this quite a bit, those rites of passages that you can
00:25:51.100 establish.
00:25:51.540 So your boy is slowly learning, um, that he's be, that he's coming into manhood and that
00:25:59.760 he's going to eventually get that confirmation from you that he is one.
00:26:03.640 Hopefully that helps Justin dad that camps.
00:26:10.100 This one may be a real deep theological consideration.
00:26:14.080 All right, prep.
00:26:15.340 But what are your thoughts on how to interpret Romans 13, which some people say contradicts
00:26:22.640 disobeying tyrants.
00:26:24.160 It seems too many Christians do not have a solid understanding, if any, of rebellion against
00:26:30.280 a tyranny.
00:26:31.380 Thank you.
00:26:32.560 Love your movement and aspire to be like you in many ways.
00:26:37.160 All right.
00:26:38.660 Romans 13.
00:26:39.840 So all the, all the hardcore Bible guys are like, Oh, I already know what Romans 13 is.
00:26:47.520 I have to look it up.
00:26:48.860 All right.
00:26:49.920 So let's see.
00:26:52.220 King's James version, just for you guys that use different variations.
00:26:55.640 You're like, it doesn't say that.
00:26:57.620 All right.
00:26:58.080 So Romans 13.
00:27:01.220 Tyranny, tyranny, tyranny.
00:27:02.800 What's so?
00:27:03.300 Okay.
00:27:04.060 Okay.
00:27:04.480 So, yeah.
00:27:04.720 So, so it looks as though this chapter is kind of like, Hey, you know, powers that God,
00:27:10.240 right?
00:27:10.420 We need to follow the powers of God.
00:27:13.840 Um, and if you resist those powers, obviously there's some consequences for rulers are not
00:27:19.740 a terror to good works, but to the evil, will thou then be afraid of the power?
00:27:26.560 Do that, do that, which is good.
00:27:29.400 And thou shalt praise the same.
00:27:32.560 The mystery of God for thee is good.
00:27:34.220 Okay.
00:27:34.720 So, so let me paraphrase here.
00:27:37.360 So obviously it's, it's from my understanding and dad for camps, my apologies.
00:27:43.100 So I'm slaughtering Romans 13 here, but from the gist of it's like, Hey, you need, we need
00:27:47.500 to follow a higher power.
00:27:49.180 Right.
00:27:50.240 And, and that there, there are tyrants, right?
00:27:55.760 There are men of evil and that we need to not follow that.
00:28:01.300 Is that hopefully that's fair.
00:28:03.960 Uh, hit me up on Instagram if I totally got this wrong and my apologies, but I think that's
00:28:09.040 what you're saying.
00:28:10.040 So here's my thoughts first off.
00:28:12.660 And I, and I, and I think this is an underlining principle that every, every man should be, should
00:28:18.540 realize is true.
00:28:20.300 And it is the dispensation of most men.
00:28:26.440 As soon as they get a level of power, they will practice unrighteous dominion.
00:28:33.240 Okay.
00:28:36.080 So the dispensation of most men, as soon as they get a little bit of power is that they
00:28:41.000 will practice unrighteous dominion.
00:28:44.600 Keep that in mind.
00:28:45.400 And I, and I think it's true.
00:28:46.760 Look in your life, look at people that have power.
00:28:50.300 It is very natural.
00:28:51.780 I'm not saying it's okay, but it's very natural when we get a little bit of power that will
00:28:57.820 practice unrighteous dominion and realize that this plays a part in politicians.
00:29:03.420 This, I mean, people that we work with your boss, you and your home, um, with you as being
00:29:10.820 a manager or whatever.
00:29:11.980 So realize that this is like kind of a natural dispensation of men.
00:29:15.720 Um, now with that said, how does this play out?
00:29:19.860 Right?
00:29:20.080 Like how does it play out in government?
00:29:22.720 Um, and, and, and, uh, and I don't know dad for campuses, if this is kind of you're looking
00:29:28.160 for, but this is kind of what came to mind.
00:29:31.620 And it's really at a fault that most of us are at fault with.
00:29:36.980 And what it is, is we have a tendency to look at society and go, well, that's not righteous.
00:29:41.000 So I'm going to fight against the tyrant, but you know what?
00:29:44.500 You're also part of a democratic Republic that says that you have a say.
00:29:52.560 And so I think we need to be careful, especially in the U S that we go run around moaning and
00:30:00.240 complaining about how things are set up and how things are wrong.
00:30:03.780 But yet we were never part of the democratic process and rised up and had our voice heard
00:30:12.360 in disagreement with whatever was agreed upon, right?
00:30:16.220 It's the, it's the equivalent of you and your wife coming upon an agreement about how you're
00:30:20.940 going to raise your kids. 0.99
00:30:22.080 And then, and then you come upon an agreement and she does a certain thing and then you bitch 1.00
00:30:26.760 and moan about it.
00:30:28.820 So the question I'd have for guys in democratic nations, right?
00:30:35.020 Is, are you doing your part on the governmental level to stand up for the decisions that are
00:30:42.940 being made?
00:30:43.440 And, and I would argue, and I would say, even for myself, the answer is no, I, I, I'll run
00:30:50.480 my mouth and moan and complain about how things shouldn't be a certain way. 0.67
00:30:55.080 Am I doing anything about it?
00:30:58.480 Am I in a position in local government or within my community to help drive what I feel is right?
00:31:04.420 Or do I just sit back and let other people do it?
00:31:07.700 And then I, and then I undermine the process and complain that it shouldn't be a certain
00:31:12.020 way.
00:31:15.380 I think we do this all over in our lives.
00:31:17.620 I think we do this at our jobs.
00:31:20.640 When a manager does something, when your boss does something and you disagree with it and
00:31:25.500 you don't say nothing.
00:31:26.340 And then you just undermine what was requested of you because you disagree and you make a like,
00:31:33.700 and you undermine the process versus actually saying something versus getting more information
00:31:40.680 to make sure that you understand.
00:31:41.880 So you can get bought into the idea.
00:31:44.800 How many political decisions are made at a state local level or at a federal level that
00:31:51.380 you don't even understand all the intricate details that were considered as part of the
00:31:56.340 that process?
00:31:59.380 I know I don't.
00:32:01.200 And I would probably argue that most of us don't.
00:32:05.440 Now, is there scenarios, right?
00:32:09.000 Where our societies might be in a position where we need to fight against something that
00:32:16.760 might be in conflict with a higher law that we chose to accept, whether that be from God
00:32:26.100 or, or, or, you know, some other creator.
00:32:29.100 Sure.
00:32:30.320 But I think it's important that we realize and we've defined what that is.
00:32:34.080 And we probably define where that line is for us.
00:32:38.160 But before we just sit back and complain and fight, I think we need to ask ourselves, are
00:32:43.760 we being involved enough in the overall process?
00:32:47.480 Because that's, that's what our government is set up to do.
00:32:51.260 And I think a lot of us complain about it, but yet we don't do anything.
00:32:54.940 Or let me say it this way.
00:32:56.680 Cause in, and, and dad for camps, I'm not saying you do this, but I'm just kind of moaning,
00:33:02.100 complaining.
00:33:02.480 Or, or we, or we're the people that say, well, I'm doing my part because I make Facebook
00:33:08.580 posts and I'm standing for righteousness through my Facebook posts.
00:33:13.080 If you feel that you're doing good because you're making Facebook posts, think again,
00:33:20.620 that's superficial.
00:33:21.780 Why you sit on your couch, right?
00:33:25.300 The world, what's the quote that I read the other day?
00:33:27.580 The world isn't changed by your opinion.
00:33:30.140 It's changed by your actions.
00:33:32.680 So what actions are you taking?
00:33:34.120 And clicking a post and sharing a message or regurgitating information that you don't
00:33:39.380 even understand doesn't count.
00:33:42.560 So pick a problem and actually like do something about it.
00:33:46.860 All right.
00:33:47.520 There, that's my soapbox of the day.
00:33:49.600 All right.
00:33:50.300 Meant for more as someone who continues to grow and tries to be a better man, not only for
00:33:56.320 myself, but for my relationship and my family, and tries to aspire others to help them realize
00:34:01.560 they are meant for more.
00:34:03.320 How do I fight the urge just to give up on society and say, screw all social media, go
00:34:10.300 live in a cabin off grid away from the problems, which is humans most of the time.
00:34:15.540 That's a good question.
00:34:17.680 All right.
00:34:18.660 So first off, I can relate to this.
00:34:22.100 Very much so.
00:34:22.920 And in fact, I, I probably argue a lot of us can relate to this kind of this idea of
00:34:26.440 like throwing up our hands, like, ah, you know, it's not doing any good.
00:34:29.640 So the first question is, or the first question I'd kind of pose back at you to consider is,
00:34:38.160 do you think that social media is a proper representation of society?
00:34:50.040 And I think as we consider that, we'll come to the realization that it's not, and it's
00:35:00.040 not as hopeless as you think it is.
00:35:04.100 I'm a huge believer that I think at least in America, I think the majority of our nation
00:35:10.500 is on the same page, despite what news outlets and, and everything else kind of portrays.
00:35:18.440 I actually think that 80% of us are literally on the same page.
00:35:22.720 Now that 80% might approach things differently.
00:35:25.400 And we believe in different strategies.
00:35:27.360 And then I think there's 10% crazies on both in, and that's what we hear.
00:35:33.200 And that's what the news is.
00:35:34.820 And, and let's be Frank, like, what is the objective of news, right?
00:35:41.740 Is it honestly to provide news, right?
00:35:45.560 Or is there other strategy at play?
00:35:47.900 And, and I really think the polarization that we are currently experiencing in the U S is
00:35:54.100 not real.
00:35:55.140 I really don't think it is.
00:35:56.900 And so if that's the case, I think you're less likely to want to throw up your hands and
00:36:01.620 go off grid.
00:36:02.160 Cause I actually don't think it's as hopeless, um, as it's portrayed.
00:36:08.540 So that that's my thing.
00:36:11.860 That's my thing.
00:36:12.660 Now, do we, Oh, Hey, Kip, we're all 80% on the same page.
00:36:15.900 We're all good.
00:36:16.440 Right?
00:36:16.700 Like no reason to like drive.
00:36:18.620 No, no, no.
00:36:19.020 I still think it goes back to even the last question.
00:36:21.680 Right?
00:36:21.920 I think we need to involve ourselves and, and we need a circle.
00:36:25.760 Like we need to surround ourselves with the right people.
00:36:28.020 Right?
00:36:28.680 If, if our social circle is social media, that's depressing.
00:36:32.780 It's super depressing.
00:36:34.460 And, and I think as, as long as we're focused on the people that we surround ourselves with,
00:36:38.720 we'll realize that like the world's not as crazy.
00:36:41.720 Right?
00:36:42.240 I don't remember the podcast I was listening to the other day, but it was, it was funny
00:36:47.660 as like, he was using the analogy of like, you read the news or social media and you're
00:36:52.080 like, Oh my gosh, the world's falling apart.
00:36:53.520 And then you go into a grocery store and you're around all kinds of different people. 0.88
00:36:58.600 And you're like, Oh, actually maybe we're not as screwed up.
00:37:01.720 People are still really kind to consider and thoughtful, right?
00:37:04.700 There's a lot of good, good people in this world.
00:37:08.060 Um, you just don't hear about it.
00:37:10.480 And so, you know, maybe actually just a detox from social media might be a good idea.
00:37:16.200 Um, if you're feeling like throwing your hands up.
00:37:19.080 So, all right, next question.
00:37:23.520 All right, honey, badger B, uh, think you'll write another book.
00:37:29.800 So I, obviously this question is for Ryan, not me.
00:37:32.540 I've never written a book.
00:37:33.780 Um, but I know the answer and the answer is yes.
00:37:37.460 And Ryan's working on one.
00:37:39.280 Stay tuned.
00:37:40.200 How's that?
00:37:41.200 So stay tuned.
00:37:42.700 Next book.
00:37:43.260 Another book coming from Mr.
00:37:45.100 Nickler.
00:37:45.580 Christ, the tattoo, Christ, the tattooed agent.
00:37:52.920 These Instagram handles are funny.
00:37:55.000 All right.
00:37:55.240 I spent a long time being a not, not nice person at all.
00:38:00.240 And now I feel like I'm so nice.
00:38:03.040 It's easy for folks to walk over me.
00:38:06.600 How do I find the balance of being a nice guy and being stern and standing up for myself resource?
00:38:14.880 Ryan has interviewed the author of no more.
00:38:17.860 Mr.
00:38:18.160 Nice guy.
00:38:19.100 Find that episode on the podcast.
00:38:21.180 Give that a listen.
00:38:21.900 The other thing is I would buy that book, uh, no more, Mr.
00:38:27.440 Nice guy.
00:38:27.880 I don't remember who the author is.
00:38:29.800 Um, great book, really great book.
00:38:33.060 And what's interesting is nice guys.
00:38:35.540 Aren't nice.
00:38:37.680 It's a self, it's like a leading title, right?
00:38:40.620 It's, it's, um, it, the title is not accurate, right?
00:38:44.940 So, uh, no more, uh, a Mr. 1.00
00:38:47.380 Nice guy is a passive asshole. 1.00
00:38:50.260 Really what it is, right? 1.00
00:38:51.480 So we avoid conflict.
00:38:53.560 Um, you don't want to shake the boat, but as you guys know, your mindset changes.
00:38:58.460 We all know this is, it goes back to the issue in which I need to work on with my wife, right?
00:39:02.720 It's like, we can have an argument.
00:39:04.660 I can be upset, but just cause we don't talk about it just because I don't rock the boat 0.99
00:39:09.240 doesn't mean that I'm not a complete jerk, right? 0.96
00:39:12.540 So there is no nice guy taking advantage of and you continue to be nice unless you just like 0.99
00:39:20.240 really tuck it under the rug.
00:39:21.980 And then eventually you're just going to blow up on someone.
00:39:24.820 So, so I want to be really clear.
00:39:26.620 Nice guys.
00:39:27.080 Aren't nice.
00:39:27.620 So, so our focus should be, um, being clear in our communication and standing up and being
00:39:41.460 honest.
00:39:42.040 I don't think those two things are exclusive, right?
00:39:46.680 I don't think, I think that you can establish boundaries.
00:39:51.420 You can be stern and passionate about what you're doing and you can be nice.
00:39:57.880 I don't think those are exclusive.
00:39:59.600 And, and one of the questions I'd have for you is what do you mean standing up for yourself?
00:40:05.780 Because I think a lot of us misunderstand that, right?
00:40:10.620 What does it mean to stand up for yourself?
00:40:11.940 Well, what do you mean?
00:40:13.020 Right.
00:40:13.380 And so let me, let me paint a picture.
00:40:16.060 I think sometimes that maybe you're at a family gathering and the in-laws are over and you're
00:40:22.580 all having dinner and someone's running their mouth about their political viewpoints.
00:40:27.400 And some of us might think that standing up for ourselves is actually debating their viewpoint.
00:40:34.380 That's actually not standing up for yourself.
00:40:36.240 So, so be clear on what does it mean to stand up for yourself?
00:40:40.000 Because sometimes this might be our ego, right?
00:40:44.020 And we, and we're trying to protect our ego and I think we need to stand up for ourselves
00:40:48.740 when reality, you just need to let go of the ego.
00:40:52.280 So get clear on that.
00:40:54.860 Um, but assuming that's not the case and you are being verbally attacked or people are taking
00:41:00.540 advantage of you, I think it's about managing expectations, establishing boundaries.
00:41:06.660 Being consistent and clearing your communication with other individuals while having the mindset
00:41:12.540 of caring for people.
00:41:15.940 All that other stuff doesn't work. 0.99
00:41:17.600 If you have the mindset of those people are assholes, because guess what comes through? 1.00
00:41:20.860 The fact that you think they're an asshole is going to show up anyway. 1.00
00:41:23.280 So you need to have the right mindset, but also respect yourself and establish those 0.99
00:41:27.860 boundaries, set expectations, clear communication.
00:41:31.100 All right.
00:41:32.200 Hopefully that helps.
00:41:34.740 All right.
00:41:35.360 Next question, Sebastian Vasquez Della, what are your thoughts on religion as an education
00:41:42.680 tool for our children?
00:41:45.880 Nice, nice.
00:41:47.940 So Sebastian, I'm all about resources today.
00:41:50.940 Apparently, um, I'm a huge fan of the Stoics.
00:41:55.940 And a great book on Stoic philosophy, my favorite would be the guide to the good life.
00:42:05.580 I don't remember the author.
00:42:06.720 I'm really bad at referencing authors.
00:42:08.460 The guide to the good life, um, obstacles, the way by Ryan holiday, the daily Stoic by Ryan
00:42:16.320 holiday.
00:42:16.720 And those are the, the immediate ones that come to mind, but what is Stoicism, Stoicism and
00:42:26.100 what does it, why was it so important at one point in time?
00:42:30.600 Because it has to do with how to live a good life, which includes dying.
00:42:39.700 Well, so is religion an important educational tool for children?
00:42:47.300 Because in the grand scheme of things, what's the intention to experience life, to live in
00:43:00.120 an honorable way, to be able to be on your debt.
00:43:03.380 At least for me, a good life is being on my deathbed and knowing I was, I lived a good
00:43:11.780 life that I made a difference, that I had minimal regret.
00:43:17.900 The worst thing I could think of is being on my deathbed, regretting.
00:43:23.280 And I think at the center of that is our purpose of life, the purpose, why we're here.
00:43:30.660 And, and, and what I love about the role that religion plays in our lives is it transcends
00:43:36.600 the superficial, right?
00:43:39.260 Like if, and, and let's, let's remove like the whole thing of like, well, does God really
00:43:45.680 exist or just, let's just talk about the benefit of religion.
00:43:49.620 Okay.
00:43:50.060 And let's put it in real layman terms here.
00:43:53.020 The idea that I am on earth and I have a purpose and that I might, for some of us believe
00:44:04.620 this, that I have a creator that loves me unconditionally, regardless of the, of the mess ups that I, that
00:44:13.320 I make, and that he would always be willing to forgive me of those mistakes.
00:44:20.980 I can't help, but think that I'm going to live a substantially better life with that mindset
00:44:27.240 versus the mindset of what caring about what Timmy thinks, worrying about what kind of truck
00:44:36.660 I have and, and striving for that, for the approval of man, the acceptance of other people.
00:44:45.100 And that's my focus.
00:44:46.540 Man, I think religion plays a huge part in the development and the, and the fulfillment
00:44:55.680 of children.
00:44:57.640 I, I don't care.
00:44:59.280 Well, I do care what the religion is, but like many religions have principles that transcend
00:45:03.760 them, right?
00:45:04.660 We use different words to represent different principles.
00:45:07.900 Um, of course I, I have my flavor and everyone else has theirs, but I don't know, man.
00:45:12.660 I think it's a lot like stoicism.
00:45:14.600 I think they ground us, they help guide us and give us direction and purpose of life.
00:45:20.780 And so I, I think it's, I think it's critical and, and highly valuable, and it should be very
00:45:27.100 much part of raising children in my opinion.
00:45:30.020 And if you're not, then teach your kid how to be a stoic, you know, eliminate the label
00:45:37.320 of religion if that freaks you out.
00:45:39.120 Right.
00:45:39.520 And, and for this, for the guys, listen, if you don't mind me getting on a soapbox, because
00:45:43.560 I, cause I know we're not all religious, but even guys that are not religious, find
00:45:48.500 the value in religion.
00:45:51.040 Don't be threatened by all religious institutions.
00:45:53.740 Screw that.
00:45:55.100 Right.
00:45:55.580 Like actually find the value in things.
00:45:57.340 I, does stoicism conflict with my religion?
00:46:00.480 I don't think it does.
00:46:01.580 Does Buddhism conflict with my religion?
00:46:03.720 No.
00:46:04.300 And Buddhism has some amazing traits.
00:46:06.860 So study and, and find the value of these things and incorporate them into your life
00:46:13.160 so you can feel fulfilled.
00:46:15.160 So you can become a better person that you can live and die a good life, right?
00:46:22.180 A phrase I love is live a life worth living, make a life worth living.
00:46:28.340 And I think religion helps provide that guidance and direction for a lot of us.
00:46:32.600 Anyway, Kyle Reinhard, how can I encourage and challenge my father who is struggling with
00:46:39.600 depression?
00:46:40.240 He is lacking confidence to try anything that might turn him around perspective versus emotions.
00:46:47.220 Well, first off, Kyle, I'm sure this is super tough.
00:46:52.160 Um, especially if it's a elderly father and he's struggling and, um, and I, and I, and
00:46:59.420 not only this, like I can give you the right answer or an effective answer, I should say,
00:47:04.480 but how do you get him on board?
00:47:07.020 Right?
00:47:07.480 Like that's, it's super tough.
00:47:09.280 And he's, he's his own man.
00:47:10.720 Right?
00:47:11.320 So once again, right, we can be the lighthouse, but we got to really be careful on this misunderstanding
00:47:18.020 that we can change people.
00:47:19.820 It just doesn't work.
00:47:22.200 Um, but we can be great examples, right?
00:47:24.920 And we can love them.
00:47:26.900 Um, and we can support them and accept them for exactly where they are and let go of some
00:47:35.140 of that expectation and blaming and judgment that we put on people.
00:47:40.720 So the only things that come to mind is, you know, he's lacking, you know, his, his unwillingness
00:47:48.360 to try things, um, because he lacks the confidence that they will actually work.
00:47:52.960 And, and maybe it's not so much that they will work.
00:47:56.020 Maybe it's lack of confidence that he can do it.
00:47:58.560 And so I'd focus on how do you build the confidence that he can do things.
00:48:03.880 And I would focus on different areas.
00:48:06.100 One of the things that we talk about a lot around new guys trying to quote unquote, get
00:48:12.800 on the path is working out.
00:48:15.940 And the reason why is because it's a tangible item that builds momentum right away, right?
00:48:22.640 If you're not doing anything hard and getting the reward of it, then you don't have confidence
00:48:28.200 in your ability to, to push through something difficult.
00:48:31.000 And, and let's be honest, most things that, that are probably necessary to get out of
00:48:36.860 depression are difficult things.
00:48:39.420 And we may not believe that we can do difficult things that will fail, uh, and that we can't
00:48:45.000 push through.
00:48:45.760 And it's, so it's through that struggle.
00:48:49.100 It's through those experiences of doing difficult things that we build confidence.
00:48:53.080 And so I would, Kyle, I'd focus on what areas can you, what areas and things can he do to
00:49:00.600 build that confidence that he can rise above something that was difficult.
00:49:05.400 And it might be minor at first, it might be something that he's never done before that
00:49:10.400 he's always wanted to do.
00:49:11.800 And it might even sound cheesy, right?
00:49:14.040 And it's, I don't know, summit a mountain.
00:49:15.460 And once he does that, like, man, you know, I never thought I could do this, right?
00:49:18.280 So I had focused on those areas to build some momentum, um, around difficult things so he
00:49:24.440 can get confidence in himself.
00:49:26.160 Cause I think that's really where the rubber hits the road.
00:49:31.040 Hopefully that helps.
00:49:32.260 All right.
00:49:33.000 Uh, Dante Martin is, how can I determine the difference between being the leader in my
00:49:41.340 relationship and being controlling or possessive?
00:49:45.320 My girlfriend is very feminine person and as her masculine counterpart, I just want to 1.00
00:49:51.820 be the type of man our relationship needs for us to continue improving and reaching the
00:49:58.600 vision I know, no, I can take us to.
00:50:04.820 All right.
00:50:05.520 I have a couple thoughts here.
00:50:07.440 Um, I'm trying to figure out which one I start with first.
00:50:12.980 What let's, let's, let's lay this groundwork.
00:50:19.520 So I've been raised and this isn't a, an attack on my mom.
00:50:25.840 In fact, I'm not even sure if my mom set this tone or where I got this from, but my perception
00:50:32.000 is I am overly careful about coming across as a chauvinistic male, like overly confident.
00:50:42.980 Because I want to make sure like, oh man, I don't, I don't want to come across like
00:50:46.780 that guy.
00:50:47.240 That's like trying to domineer over, you know, domineer over my family and, and come across
00:50:52.760 like a certain way.
00:50:53.560 Like I'm in charge when really I'm not like, I, I am so paranoid about being perceived that
00:50:59.600 way.
00:50:59.960 That I'm shirking my responsibility as the father in my house.
00:51:08.300 And ironically enough, it affects my family in a negative way.
00:51:13.920 So, so be very clear that you're not, be very clear that you're showing up in your relationship
00:51:25.000 and in your family in the way that you know, you should, and that you're not pandering or
00:51:33.380 trying to manage other people's perceptions and their own issues.
00:51:43.220 Because when you do that, then you're not being the man that you should be.
00:51:49.000 And you are not in a position to provide, preside and protect for your family.
00:51:57.840 And, and, and I think that most women that are very feminine, that they're in conflict. 0.55
00:52:09.120 I really do.
00:52:10.420 I'm just going to say it.
00:52:11.380 I actually think that they say they want something.
00:52:16.140 They want a guy that's not as domineering, masculine or whatever.
00:52:21.120 And, and they, but in reality, they don't.
00:52:26.620 And she doesn't know that she doesn't even know the benefit or most women won't even know 0.99
00:52:32.160 the benefit of a good masculine man because they don't even know what it looks like.
00:52:38.400 And it's your job to like, show them what that looks like to be the example of that.
00:52:46.260 And, and I think through that process, she'll realize the benefit of, of how you show up as a
00:52:53.040 man.
00:52:53.220 So I would be very careful that you're not like dancing around and trying not to like come
00:52:59.740 across overly masculine because you don't want to offend her.
00:53:02.680 I think that causes you to show up in a way that is not good for her and it's not good
00:53:08.200 for you and it's not going to be good for your family.
00:53:11.520 So I would get really clear on what that looks like for you.
00:53:16.280 Kind of back to the question that we had earlier or the response I was given earlier about what
00:53:19.920 does it mean to be a man?
00:53:22.420 Like you need to come clear with that and be that regardless of how her interaction with
00:53:27.940 it.
00:53:28.040 Now I'm not saying be domineering or anything.
00:53:30.880 I don't think that's what I actually don't think that's what a masculine man is, right?
00:53:34.920 We talked about this.
00:53:35.920 I don't think you practice unrighteous dominion.
00:53:39.720 No, you have the right mindset.
00:53:41.520 You have the right mindset of caring and serving your family.
00:53:44.320 All three of those P's on this logo are ways of serving those we love.
00:53:49.700 So you show up in a way that you're serving and, and you do that by having the right mindset.
00:54:00.100 Let me share something, um, that I was just sharing the other day with, uh, once again,
00:54:05.440 on that leadership call within the iron council, you want to approach the relationship correctly.
00:54:11.700 This is how you approach it.
00:54:13.060 So imagine, um, imagine a triangle and we start from the bottom.
00:54:18.440 The first layer of that triangle is having the right intention, the right mindset.
00:54:24.100 Mindset could also be described as how you show up or who you are being in the relationship.
00:54:33.320 Integrity is in there by the way, right?
00:54:35.660 So it's how you show up or who you are being second is relationships, have a relationship
00:54:43.520 with your spouse because you want to have a relationship with your spouse because you love,
00:54:48.120 you care, you're curious about her.
00:54:50.440 You want to learn about her and you listen and you continue to be curious.
00:54:56.280 And through doing those things, then you're in a position to lead, guide, and teach.
00:55:06.680 We don't do those things first because our mindset's not right.
00:55:12.020 It's coming from a place of wanting to change someone.
00:55:15.240 So as long as your mindset and your thoughts are correct and valid and, and are focused on
00:55:24.660 serving, then, then you're going to show up as a proper leader because it's genuine that
00:55:32.380 it's, it's not about your ego.
00:55:33.840 It's not about protecting or looking good.
00:55:36.220 It's not about ask, ask, not what's the word I'm looking for?
00:55:41.360 Like promotions and all that kind of stuff.
00:55:43.860 That's not what you're looking for.
00:55:45.420 What you're actually looking for, if your mindset's correct, is serving other people
00:55:49.340 and, and creating opportunities for others to like grow and let, letting them know that
00:55:55.780 you care and you're willing to serve them and help support them.
00:55:59.300 As long as your mindset's right, you're going to kind of, you're going to figure it out.
00:56:03.220 One of the things I tell a new battle team leaders in the iron council is being a team
00:56:08.680 lead in the iron council, the number one requirement, the right reason you need to
00:56:13.800 be there for the right reason.
00:56:15.000 Because if you're there for the right reason, we'll figure everything else out.
00:56:18.900 But if you're not there for the right reason, then you're going to do everything wrong.
00:56:24.160 And that, that is your mindset around the relationship.
00:56:26.760 So don't lose that and get wrapped up into your, your, your ego and lose sight of your role
00:56:34.140 within the family and make about your quote unquote masculinity, make it about serving
00:56:39.500 those you love.
00:56:43.980 All right.
00:56:45.360 Next question.
00:56:48.060 Ooh, I don't know.
00:56:49.640 This is a kind of long one.
00:56:50.580 All right.
00:56:50.840 And we might wrap up with this one.
00:56:53.520 Uh, Brad Becker 23, Ryan and Kip.
00:56:57.240 I've been a long time follower of yours.
00:56:59.120 And I want you to know that this podcast has changed my life and has put me on a path of
00:57:04.040 becoming a man.
00:57:05.000 I am proud of.
00:57:06.360 It's awesome.
00:57:07.740 Here's a good question.
00:57:09.980 Maybe a good question, Brad.
00:57:11.860 I'll let you know if it's a good question.
00:57:13.500 Okay.
00:57:13.700 I have a friend who is pretty much a brother to me.
00:57:17.060 He was trying to get on the path, but isn't having much luck.
00:57:20.540 I got him into the gym for a while, but he struggles to stay consistent.
00:57:24.200 He deals so much with his past and admittedly is a very, and has a very dark past.
00:57:31.380 He is, he is of the mindset that it's everyone else's fault.
00:57:36.100 He's in a position that he is in.
00:57:38.320 My question is this, what can I do as a friend, as one of his battle brothers?
00:57:43.700 To help him find his path.
00:57:45.600 I know he has, he has to do the work, but I can, but what can I do to give a hand up
00:57:52.200 to a brother in need?
00:57:53.320 Thank you, Kip.
00:57:54.280 And thank you and Kip for the AMAs.
00:57:59.560 You know, so Brad, I, I think we kind of answered the question.
00:58:03.700 All right.
00:58:04.200 So let me, let me paraphrase based upon some of the things that we've already talked about.
00:58:08.180 So let's, let's use your buddy as, as the example to help prove a point that I was kind
00:58:13.540 of making earlier.
00:58:15.280 He knows what he should do, but he's not consistent.
00:58:19.140 Why?
00:58:20.780 Cause he's blaming other people.
00:58:23.560 Why is he blaming other people?
00:58:25.180 Because he has a lack of integrity because he has performed self-betrayal.
00:58:37.760 He is betraying himself and he needs to blame others for where he is in life and for the
00:58:45.840 actions that he's taking or for the actions that he's not taking.
00:58:50.260 He's not owning it.
00:58:54.120 Period.
00:58:55.360 And that will never change.
00:58:56.640 Like he's not going to be consistent and do the right thing.
00:58:59.040 Why?
00:58:59.260 Cause his mindset's not right.
00:59:00.940 His mindset's about what?
00:59:03.700 Oh, it's not my fault.
00:59:05.080 You know?
00:59:05.380 And as long as we don't think it's our fault, why change?
00:59:09.680 People need to change.
00:59:10.700 They need to change, right?
00:59:12.900 I can't get better in this circumstance unless they change.
00:59:15.800 And once they change, then, then I'll change.
00:59:18.420 Right.
00:59:21.120 And, and, and far too often we have this tendency that we think, Hey, if, if other people change,
00:59:26.400 then I'll take action and then I'll be happy.
00:59:29.520 That's fleeting.
00:59:30.520 It's wrong because what's first someone else. 0.85
00:59:36.400 It's outside of your control.
00:59:38.640 And as long as you don't own it, how could you possibly be held accountable for something?
00:59:44.800 Right.
00:59:45.280 You don't even think it's your fault.
00:59:46.600 So what I'd focus on, Brad, is integrity.
00:59:54.000 He needs a rude awakening.
00:59:55.920 We all need a rude awakening.
00:59:57.180 I need a rude awakening constantly over and over realizing that the circumstances in my life
01:00:02.420 in which I'm experiencing are my fault.
01:00:06.240 Period.
01:00:07.600 And there, anyone listening that's like, yeah, but no, no, but. 1.00
01:00:10.940 Your ex-wife was a complete bitch and cheated on you. 1.00
01:00:18.800 Guess what? 1.00
01:00:19.360 Your fault.
01:00:21.960 How were you showing up in the marriage?
01:00:23.540 You were an amazing saint.
01:00:25.180 She loved you.
01:00:26.360 You were in a great example.
01:00:27.580 You gave her no reason to seek comfort out outside of your relationship.
01:00:34.860 How are we showing up?
01:00:37.500 Oh, you don't like your job.
01:00:38.860 Your boss is a certain way.
01:00:39.960 Who dictates how people interact with you?
01:00:43.620 You do.
01:00:44.580 You don't like how someone treats you?
01:00:48.600 Own.
01:00:49.380 Own the boundaries.
01:00:50.560 Own the expectations.
01:00:51.720 Own how, how, what you allow and what kind of people you surround yourself with.
01:00:56.060 Own the fact that you have the job you have because you took it.
01:00:58.520 Guys that are struggling on getting on the path that want to be on the path are struggling,
01:01:07.940 in my opinion, with number one thing.
01:01:10.160 And it is they don't think they're in the wrong.
01:01:13.580 And they're not taking ownership over the world or the life in which they have at the moment.
01:01:19.460 And it's someone else's fault.
01:01:21.020 And as long as you believe it's someone else's fault, you have no desire or reason to make any adjustments and change.
01:01:28.680 Now the good part is, because I ask Ryan, when we both look back at our past, at major pivotal moments in our life, this was the moment. 0.97
01:01:42.800 It was the moment where I got slapped up to the side of the head and I thought, holy crap, this is my fault. 0.83
01:01:53.140 And, and it's sad. 0.86
01:01:56.720 And it's super sad because you're like, oh my God, I did this, right?
01:02:00.800 I created this.
01:02:03.000 But it's also so empowering because that also means that you can change it.
01:02:07.920 So I would focus Brad on helping him get clear on integrity and how he's showing up and taking ownership.
01:02:20.340 A couple of books that come to mind.
01:02:22.420 Outward Mindset by the Harbinger Institute.
01:02:26.180 A book that's on my mind of late.
01:02:28.920 Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin.
01:02:33.560 Sovereignty by Ryan Mickler.
01:02:37.920 As a man thinketh by James Allen.
01:02:44.960 Oh man, there's more.
01:02:47.720 I don't know.
01:02:48.420 I can't remember.
01:02:49.820 Start with those.
01:02:51.260 And, and those books should kind of rock his world.
01:02:54.960 And, and here's a, here's another strategy.
01:02:56.680 If you don't mind, Brad, share this with him.
01:03:01.880 Not what he needs to do.
01:03:04.160 You share with him what's present for you.
01:03:08.240 Right?
01:03:08.680 Hey bud, dude, it's crazy.
01:03:10.740 Can I share something with you?
01:03:11.580 Yeah.
01:03:11.740 What?
01:03:13.740 So as you know, me and my wife have been struggling or maybe me and my boss have been struggling.
01:03:18.040 I really hate this guy, blah, blah, blah. 0.94
01:03:19.320 And I came to the realization that it's actually my fault.
01:03:25.780 And, and then explain it to him and explain how we, how you got to that conclusion and what you're now going to do moving forward.
01:03:35.140 Share.
01:03:35.540 That's what makes these conversations so powerful, right?
01:03:39.360 This is what makes your guys's questions so powerful by Brad asking this question.
01:03:43.660 Now we get to have this dialogue, right?
01:03:45.640 And we get to know that like, holy crap, other people are struggling with these same things. 0.51
01:03:48.860 Right?
01:03:49.120 And so create that dialogue and invite him to listen, but don't go from the perspective.
01:03:54.020 Like, Hey dude, I was listening to, I was listening to Kip the other day.
01:03:56.820 He says you're out of integrity.
01:03:58.040 And the fact that your wife slept on you, that's your fault. 1.00
01:04:00.320 Don't, don't do that.
01:04:01.680 That's not going to work.
01:04:03.720 And, and by the way, before you guys all get like riled up about like, Oh, well she has a choice.
01:04:08.700 Of course she has a choice, but change a man. 0.96
01:04:14.020 What's Victor Frankl's quote.
01:04:16.900 When a man can no longer change his, his circumstances, he is forced to change himself.
01:04:24.740 Far too often we sit back and we wait for our circumstances to change.
01:04:29.180 Don't change yourself and circumstances will come.
01:04:34.860 My famous quote.
01:04:35.980 No, something I like to say often is our circumstances don't define you.
01:04:43.500 It's how you show up or who you are being in spite of those circumstances.
01:04:48.860 That's what defines you.
01:04:51.680 So you define yourself.
01:04:53.300 Don't wait for circumstances to do it for you.
01:04:56.700 All right.
01:04:57.300 That was fun.
01:04:59.840 Hopefully we got through some good questions and at least generate some dialogue and some
01:05:04.780 thought process for you guys.
01:05:07.180 Like I mentioned earlier this Friday, stay tuned, subscribe to the podcast, join us on YouTube.
01:05:13.280 We post most of these podcast episodes up on YouTube as well.
01:05:17.320 So subscribe there.
01:05:18.760 Subscribe to the podcast.
01:05:19.580 If you're not already go to order of man.com, uh, you can visit the store, get your order
01:05:26.000 man swag, support the movement, um, on the social medias, right?
01:05:30.580 You can join us on facebook.com slash group slash order of man, who knows how long that's
01:05:34.600 going to last.
01:05:35.160 Just joking.
01:05:36.120 And then, or join us in the iron council.
01:05:38.440 And that is our exclusive brotherhood.
01:05:40.280 That's where we are teaming up or you're teaming up with other, other men on teams.
01:05:44.800 You're holding each other accountable.
01:05:46.460 And we're actually taking a lot of what we talk about on this podcast and we're implementing
01:05:50.900 it with other like-minded men to learn more about the iron council.
01:05:53.960 Go to order of man.com slash iron council.
01:05:57.660 And of course, as always follow Mr. Mickler on Twitter and, or Instagram at Ryan Mickler,
01:06:05.840 and you can catch me at Kip Sorensen.
01:06:08.420 That's K I P P S O R E N S E N. 1.00
01:06:13.660 And I think that's a wrap.
01:06:15.260 So until Friday field notes, take action and become the man you were meant to be.
01:06:21.600 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.
01:06:24.580 You're ready.