Order of Man - Intelligence Vs. Wisdom, the Stories We Tell Ourselves, and Staying Above the Noise During the Holidays

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. I had a coach in high school that used to say, he's like,

00:00:27.040 you need to know the difference between being hurt and being injured. You can play hurt. You can't

00:00:31.100 play injured. And so, you know, you can see I got a little cut right there. Got a little

00:00:36.800 use egg on the back of my head. You've got a little black eye there. I was going to tell you before I

00:00:42.640 hit record that I actually, since I was in high school, I like the scars, man. I like the nicks

00:00:49.540 and the dings and the bangs. And I like all that stuff because it means that you're living. Like

00:00:55.520 imagine walking around and you felt a hundred percent, like how shitty would you feel if you

00:01:01.540 felt a hundred percent? Yeah, totally. Well, it's someone on the Facebook group for the,

00:01:10.100 on the order of man, Facebook group. He, he said something about, I've been working out rigid

00:01:14.800 religiously and I'm always store. How do I stop this from happening? And my response was,

00:01:20.740 I love being sore. Like I love having a great workout in the next day. My chest is super tight.

00:01:27.260 Like I, I think something's wrong when I'm not sore. Yeah. Yeah. I actually look forward to it.

00:01:34.040 It doesn't help with consulting. Sometimes I remember I had a client in Phoenix. I went down

00:01:39.820 there day one. I'm working that night, found a local jujitsu gym and, and trained super hard. And I

00:01:47.820 got a really bad black eye. Like it was puffy as swollen. It was just really, really, a really,

00:01:55.860 really bad one. And the next day I went back to that client site and no one asked any questions

00:02:05.000 whatsoever. Nobody even asked. That's weird. No, because, because who knows what story they're

00:02:10.700 having, right? It's like, Oh man, like you must go to the bar last night, got in a fight. Yeah.

00:02:15.520 I don't know. I would want to know. I'd see, I'd be like, awesome black eye. Like, tell me,

00:02:19.700 tell me the story. I got to know the story here. Nobody even asked you. Uh, no one asked. I was

00:02:25.560 like, and I felt awkward going, ignore the black guy. You know, I did that eventually. Cause everyone

00:02:31.200 kept like, I could tell people were distracted. They're like, why does he have a black guy?

00:02:35.600 You know? So then I started, I wouldn't have told him to do some martial arts.

00:02:39.320 Yeah. I wouldn't, I would have used that, man. I would have, I bet you did business with

00:02:42.500 them though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We did business with them. So I know it wasn't because of your

00:02:47.220 sales skills. So I had to bring something else. Definitely not. Definitely not.

00:02:53.800 Anyways, man, I like the injuries. I got, I got an issue with my pinky right now. I don't

00:02:59.660 know if it's like, I don't know what's going on with it. It's like, it's weird. I don't know

00:03:04.440 if it's dislocated or I don't know what I'm like, this is awesome. It's like two times bigger

00:03:10.440 than it should be. And I love it. Like it should, that's how it should. That's how a

00:03:14.700 man's hand should look, you know? So I have no problem with it at all, but the worst, and

00:03:20.480 this has happened to me yesterday. I don't know. I think it's because I took a week off

00:03:23.940 and your skin kind of gets sensitive. Have you done that where you take a week off and

00:03:29.280 you come back and all of a sudden you're losing skin all over the place. Like your feet are

00:03:34.080 losing skin because it's one thing we just did actually. Yes. Yes. Totally. And one thing

00:03:40.240 we just started doing over the past couple of weeks is training in the evenings, no

00:03:43.500 Gi and my knees are raw, dude. Like the tops of my feet and my toes, they're good. They're

00:03:50.220 solid. Cause I've been training for almost two years now in Gi. So like they're good,

00:03:53.960 but I was training no Gi and my knees and shins are just raw because they're not used to

00:03:59.400 be just rubbing on the mat. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I am not exaggerating at all. Both

00:04:05.880 of my feet have probably like an inch spaces of no skin. And my one foot has about four

00:04:14.260 of them and my left foot has two. And I trained, I trained on Friday and I got all those in one

00:04:20.940 training session. And you don't think about it when you train and then you walk up to

00:04:24.880 the shower and you're like, Oh, it stings painful. Yeah. So you're like, Oh, it's like burning or

00:04:30.940 whatever. I get out of the shower and I'm out of that band-aids in my bag. So I'm like, Oh no. So

00:04:38.980 I just, you just slide your socks on and go to work. Socks and jeans on and just rubbing on them.

00:04:45.220 And then you go home and you're like, ready to take the sock off. And you just, Oh, it's

00:04:50.020 stuck. They're all bleeding again. Yeah. It's like, Oh, moral of the story. Don't bitch out

00:04:56.820 on training for any reason at all. Totally. You get soft. You get soft. I, uh, last night.

00:05:02.720 So we trained last night and my wife was out of town. She was picking up her sister. Who's

00:05:06.640 visiting us this week. And, uh, I had my four kids and I was like, nah, I'm not going to go to

00:05:12.280 training. Cause that's pretty convenient excuse, right? Like I've got four kids. Like the guys

00:05:16.240 don't want to take care of the kids. Yeah. I mean, I'm doing this, what we call noble

00:05:20.040 obstacles, right? They're noble. Cause you're actually doing the right thing, but they're

00:05:23.380 obstacles. Cause you're using it as an excuse to keep you from doing what you should be

00:05:27.460 doing. So I'm like, no, no, no, I'm not, I'm not doing that. I'm bringing them. So I brought

00:05:31.020 them last night and told them just be respectful, just hang out in the corner. And, uh, yeah, I

00:05:37.860 jetted a little bit earlier, but I was proud that I got my training in even with the four

00:05:42.180 kids, like hearing them scream and they were strangling each other. And I'm like,

00:05:45.840 but I got the training in man. It's all good. It's good. It's good for them to see

00:05:51.500 like that. That's normal. Yeah. It's good for them to see me get my ass handed to me.

00:05:56.400 Actually. It's like, cause that's really what training consists of for me. It's like, it's

00:06:00.580 not even, I don't even know if you'd call it training as much as just getting your ass

00:06:04.100 kicked. And, uh, you know, so they're watching dad go and get like choked and get my arm bent

00:06:10.840 the wrong way. And then I get up and do it again. I have no ego at this point with jujitsu.

00:06:17.580 I just, I don't, I don't, and that's probably going to get more and more so, but I don't

00:06:23.000 know. I just go in there and just expect that it's going to be painful. And occasionally

00:06:27.340 I might, you know, by the grace of God or the jujitsu gods or whoever it is, get something

00:06:33.560 that actually semblance is a, some sort of martial art. And, but outside of that, it's just

00:06:38.400 a bunch of flailing around.

00:06:41.800 Yeah. Survival survival. That's what it is for sure. All right, man. Well, let's get to

00:06:47.520 some questions. I think we've got some good ones today. Oh yeah. I was going to say, it's

00:06:50.660 good to see you too. It's been like two months since we actually did a podcast together.

00:06:54.500 I know. Appreciate you holding down the fort, man.

00:06:57.360 Yeah. It's, it's, you know how it is. It's fun. You know what I mean? It's always valuable

00:07:01.980 to read these questions and think and put yourself in check when you respond to a question

00:07:06.280 and in the back of your head going, yeah, I need to do that better. Oh, you know, so

00:07:12.160 isn't that what this is all about, but people tell me that what makes you the expert? I'm

00:07:17.120 like, bro, if you only knew whenever I make a post or my comment, I'm not even talking to

00:07:21.900 you. I'm talking to myself. You need to do this because you are screwing things up. So

00:07:27.100 people are thinking I'm talking to them. I'm not guys. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking

00:07:30.060 to myself and you happen to just be listening to our conversations with ourselves and what

00:07:35.540 we know we should be doing, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It's like an internal dialogue

00:07:39.160 in the morning of what we need to work on. It's a journal, man. Like I look at social

00:07:43.100 media like that. It's a journal. I'll post something on Instagram or Twitter or wherever

00:07:46.520 and, and, and guys are like, Oh, this is such a great thought. This is exactly me. I'm

00:07:50.480 like, Oh really? Like the only reason I wrote it is because this is the same thing I was

00:07:54.140 dealing with, you know, 18 hours earlier. And this is like my answer to myself, like do

00:07:59.020 this thing and you'll be better. Yeah. I mean, you've said that in the past,

00:08:03.060 which I really appreciated is I'm marketing to myself, right? I I'm grabbing the things

00:08:08.140 that interest me that I need and I'm just regurgitating them. And there's a whole lot

00:08:12.620 of guys that are in the same boat as you. So it works. I mean, we had a guy today, he posted

00:08:17.440 something on a post that I had made in our Facebook group about the podcast I did yesterday

00:08:21.280 with Nikki blue. And he said something like, Oh, what makes this guy the expert or something

00:08:25.300 like that? And I'm like, he's not an expert. He didn't claim to be an expert. I'm not an

00:08:28.660 expert. I never claimed to be an expert. I'm a man and I have a desire to be better. And

00:08:34.080 so that's it, period. Like end of story, full stop. There's nothing else outside of that.

00:08:38.880 That makes either one of us qualified to tell you what you should do. These are just things

00:08:43.360 that have worked for us. And if you want to embrace them, cool. And if you don't, and you

00:08:47.880 think being a man means something else right on, get after it. I wish you the best. I truly

00:08:52.980 do. And so many, I mean, how much of being an expert is just the ability to regurgitate

00:08:58.620 information that you've retained through some other means, you know, that's actually a positive,

00:09:04.340 that's a positive look on it. I think most experts, you know, they're, they're just saying

00:09:08.940 things that make them sound important. You know, it's like, you see these people, I actually,

00:09:15.240 so one guy I think of immediately that comes off hand is Jordan Peterson. Very, obviously very,

00:09:19.760 very intelligent. When he speaks, you can almost see him thinking that that's how I look at it.

00:09:25.580 When I, when I hear him speak, I think to myself, this guy's just thinking out loud. He's obviously

00:09:30.840 very intelligent, but one of the unintended consequences is that because he's smart and the

00:09:38.580 way that he communicates really to himself, but he just vocalizes his thoughts to himself. That's the

00:09:43.600 best way I can explain it. People have begun to think that if I just use big and fancy words,

00:09:48.180 that somehow people will think I'm, I'm special or I'm intelligent. And then you have like these,

00:09:54.560 these comments that I see a lot on Instagram and Twitter, and they're using these words. And I'm

00:10:00.200 like, I don't even know what in the world you're trying to say. Like I actually, I legitimately have

00:10:06.180 to have the dictionary pulled up when I'm trying to decipher what it is you're trying to say. And it's

00:10:12.700 weird. I don't know if it's because people want to make others believe they're smarter than they

00:10:17.140 actually are. I mean, you and I are dumb Southern Utah, small town rednecks. Like maybe that's,

00:10:25.880 maybe that's an issue that only you and I have, but I'm like, what's he saying? And everybody else

00:10:31.820 is like, you don't get this. I'm like, no, I don't. I have no idea what he's saying right now.

00:10:36.660 Yeah. Like I pronounce words wrong all the time, but, but I really think like, cause I had this

00:10:42.700 conversation with, with my wife quite a bit. We have a lot of people in our, in our circles that

00:10:48.740 are what I would classify as intellectuals, right? Yes. Yes. Very well educated, very well spoken,

00:10:55.040 but have lacked serious progress and success in life. And, and I use that as an analogy to kind of

00:11:03.980 remind my wife that there's a major difference be from being intellectually smart and being wise.

00:11:10.940 And the older I get, the more I look back at my upbringing, the more I look back at my dad,

00:11:18.520 that's a drop out of college dairy farmer. And I start going, there's probably more wisdom on that

00:11:26.080 side of the street than I've been given it credit for. And just because I was able to memorize

00:11:31.440 something out of a book and regurgitated it, but never learned how to apply it doesn't make you

00:11:36.940 successful. And it does. Yeah. There's, I know so many people that are so well educated

00:11:42.360 and have zero success in life or smart. It doesn't even make you smart. Your college diploma doesn't

00:11:47.500 make you smart. Yeah. Yeah. So it's, it's very, I don't know. It's funny how our society has kind of

00:11:54.580 latched onto certain things to define you as like successful, but, but they don't translate.

00:12:00.620 Yeah. And it's, well, I've listened to, um, yeah, I think you're dead on with that. I've listened to

00:12:05.160 people, especially in Southern Utah. I mean, we had the benefit of growing up with these,

00:12:09.800 you know, ranchers, for example, and this isn't what I'm about to say is not to diminish ranching

00:12:14.740 in it by any means, but the ranch doesn't matter. They don't, they don't even know how to listen to

00:12:18.400 a pod. They don't even know what a podcast is. They're not listening to this podcast.

00:12:21.100 So, you know, you don't, you wouldn't consider this, this quintessential rancher as this highly

00:12:27.760 educated individual. And yet the way they say things and the way they view life

00:12:34.120 is, and I can't even think of anything right out of hand, but they'll just say this like one

00:12:39.020 little punchy sentence. And you're like, holy shit, man, you just unlocked the key to life.

00:12:43.420 Like, do you realize how powerful that one statement is? And they're like, I don't know what

00:12:47.740 the hell you're talking about. I just, I was just castrating a cow earlier.

00:12:51.100 And I love it, man, because truth and wisdom can be found everywhere. And sometimes it's often

00:12:59.240 found a lot of the times I think it's often found in places that we wouldn't traditionally be led to

00:13:04.740 believe that you can find it there, you know, between the legs of a cow as you're castrating

00:13:09.620 a cow or, or, or on a hunt as you're, you're gutting a deer, you know? And so we got to look for

00:13:15.300 those things outside of academia, because I think there's a lot of wisdom to be found about life that

00:13:19.440 doesn't exist inside the walls of universities.

00:13:23.140 Yeah. And when we look at life from a stoic perspective, it's all about preparing for death

00:13:30.220 and living a good life. And academia doesn't really help in that area at all. So I think it does.

00:13:38.360 I think it does. So long as you apply it, you know, it's like, yeah, it's the old adage that,

00:13:44.120 that, that, uh, well, I can't even think of the term right off hand, but you know, not knowledge.

00:13:49.780 Some people say, well, knowledge is power, right? Knowledge is power when applied. That's,

00:13:54.480 that's the full thought process. Knowledge alone is not power. It's, it's, it's powerful when it's

00:13:59.880 applied. So if I look at, for example, a medical doctor and this, this doctor has a degree and he spent

00:14:04.940 eight to 10 years in formal education. And then he goes out and applies it. I think of my buddy,

00:14:10.480 Jaron Leavitt, for example, he, he's, he's an OBGYN and he's going out and applying it. He loves

00:14:15.440 his life. He loves his practice. He loves delivering babies and bringing babies in the world. I'm like,

00:14:19.700 okay, well, this is knowledge applied. It's not just education. It's actual knowledge applied.

00:14:25.040 And that's what makes it powerful.

00:14:27.800 I see what you're saying. Yeah. And I, and I was kind of thinking more from the area of like

00:14:32.820 fulfillment, right? Like something that transcends our job, something that transcends,

00:14:40.240 you know, our education, you know, and, and it's more about relationships and experiences and

00:14:47.480 fulfillment and purpose. Uh, and I look, I think that's why a little bit more from stoicism than

00:14:52.720 we would from learning something, you know, in general, but agreed. And I think that's why some

00:14:57.480 of the most intelligent people that I know or had interactions with are also some of the most

00:15:03.780 miserable because they're not applying this information. They have these amazing degrees

00:15:10.080 and they have this, this incredible access to information and knowledge, and they're just not

00:15:15.380 applying it. And so it's a little bit like, you know, in a way, you know, being on a treadmill or,

00:15:21.240 or an elliptical, right? Like you're still moving. You're still getting the job done. Kind of,

00:15:27.580 you're still exercising your muscles, but you're not getting anywhere. You know that.

00:15:32.820 And so imagine instead of being on a treadmill, like actually go for a run. What are you going to

00:15:39.420 experience? What are you going to see? Who are you going to interact with? What thoughts are you

00:15:43.660 going to have in your mind? How does the cold feel on your body? Or if it starts to rain and you're

00:15:48.620 miserable, do you push through? And so the, the, the treadmill and the elliptical are a simulation

00:15:55.160 of reality. It's like, no, actually go out and experience. Oh, but it's cold. Yeah. That's

00:15:59.880 actually the point. It's cold. The point is that that's real life and that you're going to have to

00:16:05.620 experience hardship and deal with that and overcome that and work through it. That's actually why one of

00:16:10.700 the reasons I like Andy Frisilla's 75 hard is because one of the workouts per day is supposed to be done

00:16:18.520 outdoors, rain, snow, sunshine, whatever it may be. And last year as I was doing it, and I know this

00:16:25.060 because we're starting to get into our cold season here is I was literally tromping around in the snow

00:16:31.160 while it was snowing. And I was just like completely bundled up. And yet it was significantly more

00:16:37.660 rewarding and fulfilling being out there in the snow, pushing through something that I know a lot of

00:16:43.340 people just wouldn't do because it wasn't extremely comfortable. I wasn't climate controlled.

00:16:48.800 The elevation wasn't perfect. It wasn't perfect temperature, but that's what made it more

00:16:54.000 rewarding and more fulfilling, even though it was infinitely harder. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm.

00:17:01.340 Should we answer some questions today?

00:17:02.720 I don't know. I don't, I don't, we call this an ask me anything. I'm trying to wonder if we should

00:17:10.600 call it like, instead of an ask me anything, it's like, just shut up and listen. Don't ask questions.

00:17:15.640 Just listen. The ramblings of the ramblings. That's right. Yeah. I mean, we could talk about

00:17:22.680 jujitsu. You know what we should do one day? I think maybe we can do this one day is we could,

00:17:27.480 we could answer every single question with a jujitsu reference. And that's all like,

00:17:33.720 this is the jujitsu ask me anything. And so anything, anybody asks, we always tie it back

00:17:38.660 into jujitsu. In a meaningful way. And you could talk like a legitimate way, not just making stupid

00:17:44.620 things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I need to do that next week. Like that would be hard. Yeah. Anyone

00:17:49.480 that would think that would be hard, it would not be hard at all. All right. We're doing that next week.

00:17:53.920 Do it. We're doing the jujitsu ask me anything. And that doesn't mean you have to ask questions

00:17:57.820 about jujitsu. It just means you have to ask your normal question and then we'll answer it from a

00:18:02.640 jujitsu frame of reference. There we go. I love it. That's next week. All right. Iron council

00:18:08.120 questions. Should we do it? Yeah, I'm ready, man. Let's do it. Okay. All right. Let's do it. All

00:18:14.860 right. So we're filling these questions from the iron council. Uh, that's our exclusive brotherhood.

00:18:18.940 That's part of the order of man movement to learn more, go to order of man.com slash iron council.

00:18:23.200 John LaRosa building healthy copying mechanisms to replace shitty ones. Oh, copy, coping, coping.

00:18:32.480 This is exactly what we're talking about. I understand your Southern Utah drawl. When you

00:18:36.800 say something, I'm like, guys, let me, let me just tell you. So for those of you who weren't

00:18:41.120 born and raised in Southern Utah, I'll go ahead and translate, uh, Kip, uh, his questions and his

00:18:46.740 responses for you. Coping mechanism. Say it again. His coping.

00:18:50.760 Copings. Building health, building healthy coping mechanisms to replace shitty ones.

00:18:59.580 Uh, it's tough on this one because I don't know what you're coping with necessarily, but

00:19:06.260 it might vary, right? Yeah, it might. But I think generally like, let's just zoom out right

00:19:11.440 here. I think generally I would just say, and I'm going to actually pull a, a, a page from

00:19:17.560 your book Kip on this one is what meaning have you assigned your experience? So if you've,

00:19:25.180 and I'm just thinking out loud here, I don't know if this is John's situation, but let's

00:19:28.560 just say you were sexually abused or you've gone through a divorce or you lost a job, or

00:19:34.780 you had to deal with a medical condition, or you had to declare bankruptcy. I mean, any

00:19:38.160 number of things that could have happened. I think what most guys will naturally do myself

00:19:43.120 included will think to themselves initially, why is this happening to me? What a shitty

00:19:49.180 situation. This is happening to me. Um, if only I could get past these couple of things,

00:19:54.360 if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. And so we assign that and automatically

00:19:59.320 assume that this is a negative situation. I had a guy on the Facebook group today. He, in

00:20:03.240 fact, he said, um, that he was having, he feels broken. He used the term. I feel broken.

00:20:07.760 He's going through a separation, which is leading to a divorce. It looks like. And he

00:20:11.620 says, I'm broken. And I said, brother, you're not broken, man. Like you're in a tough situation,

00:20:16.620 but I'll tell you what, even during my own, uh, separation with my wife, which fortunately

00:20:21.560 it did work out for us. It doesn't always, but that was a cathartic moment for me. That was

00:20:26.720 an opportunity for me to get right, to fix some things that weren't in check. And without

00:20:31.920 that moment in time, and it was just a moment, uh, I, you guys would not be listening to this

00:20:38.180 order of man podcast. There's no way I would be a financial advisor still. And I'd be making a

00:20:42.700 moderate income and I'd be mildly happy. And I'd be a mediocre husband and wife. And that would be

00:20:47.660 my life. Like a lot of guys are, but instead I, I use that moment in time and, and decided that

00:20:57.420 this was happening for me. And what was I going to do to make myself better? Not in spite of the

00:21:04.420 situation, but because of the situation, you know, like how can you improve? So whether you're going

00:21:10.740 through a bankruptcy or some, some past trauma, whatever it may be, instead of saying, why did

00:21:16.540 this happen to me? And if only my life was better. And if only I didn't go through that situation,

00:21:20.660 then I would be dot, dot, dot. Instead, start thinking to yourself, why did this happen to me

00:21:25.620 in a positive way? Why did this happen for me? How am I a better individual or how can I become

00:21:31.860 a more capable and strong man because of this situation? And I talk about this all the time.

00:21:38.040 I grew up without a father figure, permanent father figure in my life. And at the time it was miserable.

00:21:42.640 I remember when, uh, my mother went through a separation and ultimate divorce with my, my last

00:21:49.560 father-in-law, excuse me, uh, stepfather. And I remember vividly thinking, why did this, why me,

00:21:56.440 why is this happening to me? And now I look back and I'm like, I'm so grateful. Like you internalize

00:22:01.680 that separation, you know, like her getting divorced, like that you felt the impact to you

00:22:07.580 completely. And I thought it was against me. You know, I was, I was older at the time. I was probably

00:22:14.320 14, 15 years old. And so I thought I was old enough to, to acknowledge or to, to make the

00:22:22.920 connection that this was happening to me. But I look at it now and think what a, what an incredible

00:22:29.080 blessing. What an incredible blessing that I grew up without a father. I mean, I would love to have been

00:22:36.280 connected with my father and we were connected in a way I would have loved to have been more deeply

00:22:40.260 connected, but what a beautiful blessing that I wasn't because I don't know that I would be the

00:22:45.740 same father that I am to my kids. I don't, and I'm happy and satisfied and fulfilled with my life is.

00:22:52.600 And that's an experience of all of the situations and circumstances that led up to this. So how do you

00:22:57.920 cope with it? Reframe your thought process. You're thinking about it negatively. I have to cope. I have to

00:23:02.500 deal with this situation. No, this is a blessing. This is a benefit in disguise. And it's hard to see

00:23:08.720 when you're in the moment. So what can you do? Surround yourself with good people. Talk with people

00:23:14.300 who've gone through similar circumstances and situations as you. And they'll tell you, they'll

00:23:17.800 show you, look, there's light at the end of the tunnel. You don't see it. I can see it. In fact,

00:23:21.420 I'm standing in the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm going to illuminate the path for you.

00:23:25.800 So find good people. Tactically, I would suggest that you distract yourself when you start to get in your

00:23:31.100 mind and start to go down this path that isn't good for you. But ultimately realizing that this

00:23:36.240 is a good thing for you. You just can't see it yet, but I promise it will be a good thing for you,

00:23:41.020 but or, or not, but that's entirely within your control. You do have control over what the way

00:23:46.100 you frame this. And I think as, as some people will look to that and they'll look at the circumstance

00:23:53.940 and say, okay, well, how can me being abandoned, let's say, be good for me. Right. And, and I would

00:24:01.600 even pause and say, who said that you're being abandoned and that it's because of you. There's

00:24:09.080 a, there's a, I love the analogy of like rose colored glasses, right? Like we put on sunglasses

00:24:14.300 and we walk around and it's like, you know, I don't know if you've done this, but I'd like,

00:24:18.060 oh man, that, that sunset's so beautiful and so pretty outside. And then I lift up my glasses

00:24:22.160 and I'm like, oh, it's a little bit more doll, right? Like it looked prettier with my glasses on.

00:24:26.900 But I, but I think we look through life as a lens too. And when certain things happen,

00:24:31.500 not only are we creating meaning, but sometimes that means not true. It's like, it's not, it's not

00:24:36.900 even reality. It's never objectively true. Never. Yeah. But, but I think really pausing and going,

00:24:46.460 whoa, wait a second. Like I'm really creating something that out of nothing here. And it's,

00:24:52.200 and, and I'm adding a lot more meaning to this than what I even should, you know? And, and, and,

00:24:58.200 and it's okay to realize you're doing it. Um, but it's, it's very powerful to pause and realize you

00:25:05.320 are. And I don't, and I don't know, Ryan, I I'm actually interested in your thought about this is

00:25:09.120 like, cause I used to think that you could stop it. Like I used to be in that camp of like, oh,

00:25:14.560 positive thinking and reframe your mind. And then those thoughts are quote unquote bad.

00:25:19.700 And I don't think that's true. I don't think people can stop that from happening. I think

00:25:23.200 people that are effective, they are able to pause and be present with their thought process.

00:25:30.160 And then to your point, refocus their, their thoughts elsewhere to be more constructive.

00:25:36.060 But I don't think you stop that from occurring, but I don't know. What do you think?

00:25:40.000 I think that generally negative and toxic people are delusional. So they interpret everything

00:25:47.020 outside of the context that it really is. And that's what I was saying earlier is that it's

00:25:51.500 never objectively true. I mean, there might be a situation that is objective. Like I got in a car

00:25:58.040 crash. I am going through a separation, but that's not usually what we're talking about. Usually what

00:26:03.680 we're talking about is I am going through a divorce because my wife is a bitch. Okay. That's,

00:26:12.060 that's what I'm talking about. That's subjective. Like that is not objectively true.

00:26:16.620 And so when you get into these cycles of toxicity and negativity, you're, you're actually being

00:26:21.980 delusional. You're not operating in reality because that isn't the reality. It's your interpretation of

00:26:27.120 it. And there might be some validity to it. There might be some situations that makes you think that,

00:26:32.720 but that is not objectively true. I think the most successful people, and this is actually true

00:26:38.140 in an interesting context to look at this in is survivors. So survivors of, um, major events,

00:26:48.140 uh, emergency situations, natural disasters, being alone, being stranded. They're very realistic about

00:26:56.740 their life and their prospects because what was happening is, is if you're overly optimistic,

00:27:01.600 Hey, I'm going to be rescued. I'm going to be rescued. Like everything's fine. You know,

00:27:05.560 I'm going to be rescued. And then you don't do anything about your situation and you die because

00:27:10.140 the rescue doesn't come as quickly as you would have hoped or liked or thought. The opposite of

00:27:15.420 that is overly negative. Like I'm going to die and everything's horrible and this is bad. And then

00:27:20.220 it becomes self-fulfilling prophecy because you're not focused on what you can do to keep yourself alive

00:27:24.360 because you've already signed away your fate. But generally the people who, who thrive and succeed

00:27:30.880 and excel are the ones who are realistic. Hey, this is a bad situation. Yeah. And I better be

00:27:37.700 prepared and I better anticipate situations and things that are coming up and then creating plans

00:27:44.180 and making provisions and doing everything I can. So they're not operating from a position of delusion.

00:27:48.940 They're very realistic about their prospects, but then they thrust themselves into the work of

00:27:55.720 keeping themselves alive. I watched this show over the past couple of weeks called alone. I don't know

00:28:00.760 if you've seen it. A lot of guys probably have, and they take 10 or 12 contestants and they just throw

00:28:05.100 them out in this crazy environment. I was watching this Arctic environment in Northern Canada, like super

00:28:10.880 far North. And, and they put these people out there and there was people who were, you know, overly

00:28:18.000 secure in their abilities and they were out first. And there was people who were really negative and

00:28:23.340 down and then they'd lost. And the guy that won happened to be somebody who was like, this is hard

00:28:28.820 and this is tough. And I'm dealing with these circumstances. And here's this predator that's trying

00:28:34.000 to steal my food. And, and he just dealt with it in reality and just fixed like each situation head

00:28:41.060 on as it came up. Anyone, you know, and that that's life. That's life objective, deal with what you need

00:28:46.980 to deal with and drive on. And that's why I think you interviewed John Gary Bishop, um, always back.

00:28:56.700 And, and that's one thing that I really got from that podcast interview as well as from his book is like,

00:29:02.140 he talks about our expectations. And sometimes when we hold on to the, the should, or it shouldn't be

00:29:10.240 a certain way, it almost hinders us from dealing in that reality because instead of dealing with what

00:29:16.820 is so right, instead of dealing with broken marriage, we just focus on what's her fault and

00:29:23.360 it shouldn't be this way. And it, and I shouldn't have to deal with this. And it's interesting just

00:29:28.240 that thought process kind of like you get stuck, you get stuck with holding onto what it should and

00:29:35.500 should not be like and holding onto it. And it almost prevents you from dealing with what is so.

00:29:42.240 Absolutely. And that's what I love so much about, about his book. Cause it's so powerful,

00:29:45.920 whether it's surviving or your marriage or anything else, the longer we sit there and

00:29:51.240 judge it and, Oh, it shouldn't be this way. And I shouldn't have to, or whatever.

00:29:55.360 That's all hindering us from taking action and, and, and addressing reality.

00:30:00.940 Yeah, absolutely. Cool. Let's drive on. Next question.

00:30:04.940 So I got through one question. I'm not used to talking to someone as part of the, yeah.

00:30:10.120 And I'm not used to talking to someone. I'm like, you know, all right, Dan Harrison with the holidays

00:30:15.360 coming up, there will be a lot of discussions and arguments at family gatherings surrounding

00:30:20.000 social and political issues. What advice do you have for men on picking battles around the

00:30:25.140 dinner table? That's interesting that he chose that verbiage. When do we voice and defend

00:30:29.880 opinions? And when do we just smile and let people talk in the name of preserving the peace?

00:30:35.040 Any tips for us staying calm and being the bigger person when people are running their mouths?

00:30:40.660 Yeah. What's your objective?

00:30:42.020 A lot.

00:30:43.560 Yeah. What are you trying to do? Are you trying to, to win a debate? And in that case,

00:30:48.820 make everything your battle. And then you can see if you can win everything.

00:30:52.920 That's not what I want to do. Like I want to enjoy my time with my family. And so my mom was here a

00:30:58.780 couple of weeks ago and we have a lot of similar viewpoints and a lot of different, differing

00:31:03.480 viewpoints. And she said them, said some things that I'm like, I don't agree with that at all.

00:31:07.520 And you know, sometimes I poked and prodded cause I enjoy it. And other times I'm like,

00:31:12.500 mom, whatever. I love you. Let's go to dinner. Because my goal was to have a deeper bond and

00:31:21.020 connection with my mother. You know, like what's your goal, man? Is it to have a good time and to

00:31:25.660 enjoy and be thankful and grateful for each other and spend time together and laugh and play and think

00:31:32.000 about old times and think about upcoming memories and times that you guys will create? Or is it to

00:31:36.800 win them to your cause? I don't, I can't imagine that that's anybody's goal for the holidays. Like

00:31:44.600 I'm going to win these people over. So just don't, just don't. I don't understand. I, I get it. I

00:31:52.080 shouldn't say I don't understand. I actually do understand because we're passionate, right? We're

00:31:56.180 excited. We're passionate. We're enthusiastic. We think this will be better. Whatever side of the

00:32:01.200 island we're on, by the way, it's like, we think this will be better for us and the country and people.

00:32:06.260 And so there's a lot to be passionate about, but ultimately what's your objective? What's your goal?

00:32:11.840 We talk about intentionality and the iron council a whole lot. Just be intentional. Are you here to

00:32:17.040 enjoy time with your family or here to debate them on every little issue? And, and look, I don't think

00:32:22.960 you have to roll over either. You know, if Kip, you and I are hanging out and you happen to say

00:32:27.160 something I don't agree with, I'd be like, you know, Kip, I really don't agree with that, but that's

00:32:30.720 another conversation. Let's go, let's go have some fun. Yeah. I'm not going to, I'm not going to

00:32:36.400 pretend that I, that I agree with you. I don't think you have to do that either, but you know,

00:32:43.340 I I'll give you another example. I was hunting a couple of weeks ago in, um, in Colorado and, uh,

00:32:49.720 Amal Easton came and he, he and I had some lively discussions. I mean, we disagreed on a lot and we

00:32:56.100 agreed on a lot and we had some lively discussions. Neither of one of us got disrespectful towards each

00:33:00.560 other. And then we went and hunted together and there was a time to have a lively discussion in

00:33:05.720 the evening about some things. And he was inquisitive and I was inquisitive and we were

00:33:09.800 challenging each other in a respectful way. And then, then we decided to play poker and we weren't

00:33:15.260 talking about those things. We were playing poker and Jack and draw with each other about other

00:33:18.880 things, you know? So it's like, what is appropriate? What's it be intentional and just

00:33:22.920 most of the stuff, you can just let it ride. You really can just let it ride. It's okay.

00:33:27.760 Well, and wouldn't you agree that like, our people have been like, let's say Dan's objective

00:33:32.760 is like, Hey, my objective is to make a point and to convince. But I think far too often we

00:33:38.800 actually think that like, even if we're an amazing debaters that people go, Oh, you know

00:33:43.140 what? You're right, Ryan. I'm going to change my opinion on that. Like most people aren't

00:33:47.060 even, they're not having the discussion with you to even consider, you know what I mean?

00:33:52.140 Viewpoints, right. Or even that's always true. So I think generally you're right. But like,

00:33:57.060 if I go back to this example with them all, like he shared some things with me that I'm

00:34:00.460 like, you know, I never considered that way. I still, I still think what I said, right.

00:34:04.680 Were you in a position, but you're in a position to at least listen. I actually think that when

00:34:10.340 I think of guys arguing with family members at a, at a table, and maybe this is just insightful

00:34:14.900 of my family, but I don't think those are prime, prime conversations to be like, no one's inputting

00:34:23.780 anything, right? Everyone's just listening to themselves, run their mouths about some

00:34:28.080 opinion considering other viewpoints.

00:34:30.500 So here's a, here's one tactic that's been helpful for me. And I've only learned this because

00:34:34.460 I podcast is just ask questions, refrain from making any statements and just ask questions.

00:34:43.420 Hey, Kim, you said something about, um, about Biden. Uh, and I'm really curious, like, why

00:34:49.640 do you think that?

00:34:51.280 I think he smells kids because they, they have like baby lotion on or something. He likes to smell.

00:34:57.180 Oh, geez. Here we go. I want to say something so bad, but again, in the spirit of this answer,

00:35:05.540 I'm not going to say anything. Okay. Well, whatever, you know, like you just, I don't even

00:35:11.580 know where to go with that, but you, um, inquisitiveness is, is a, is a powerful skillset

00:35:17.980 and you actually have to genuinely mean it because otherwise it, it's like pandering to somebody

00:35:23.480 and talking down or they're, oh, you think trying to catch them. Yeah. Yes. And so you're trying to

00:35:27.640 team up and set them and people can see right through that. So you're like, you have to actually

00:35:30.860 be curious. Oh, that's a really interesting perspective. Why do you think that? And then

00:35:36.100 when they say something weird, like Biden likes to sniff babies because of dot, dot, dot, like you just

00:35:40.480 said, it's like, well, okay, well, I guess I don't see it the same way. Um, but all right. Thank you

00:35:49.920 for letting me know. And then I know that, okay, this is not a conversation I want to have. Cause

00:35:54.760 we're not even on equal footing here. Like we're not even on the same, the same platform. So like,

00:36:01.200 let's not continue to have this conversation. Yeah, totally. But I'm not good at this either. So

00:36:08.080 yeah. And I think you can show up in a way where you're asking those kinds of questions and you're

00:36:13.940 maybe even part of the conversation. And eventually someone will ask, cause I've had this, like, I don't,

00:36:19.400 I don't get into political debates, but I've had family members like come to me and say, Hey Kip,

00:36:24.240 like, why do most conservatives, why, what do you think? Why do you most conservatives see it this

00:36:29.320 way? Right. And like, and then I'm like, Oh, this is a perfect time to share. Right. Other than that,

00:36:34.860 I'm not kind of shoving it down their throat. Yeah. No, no, no. So just be intentional.

00:36:39.300 Martin's okay. Martin Stewart, any recommendations for steps to try and reach out to other men locally

00:36:45.240 to start a men's group. Yeah. I only laugh because I just know your answer, but go ahead.

00:36:52.600 What do you think it is? Uh, reach out and start a men's group.

00:36:57.420 The answer's in the question. Yeah. It's like, just do it easy. Like, all right, look,

00:37:02.620 but I'm going to be, I'm going to be more helpful than just that. Cause you're right. That is the

00:37:06.840 answer. And that's like off the cuff. That's what I would typically say. I'm just going to try to be a

00:37:10.260 little bit more helpful here. Okay. Which is super rare. Yeah. But I'm going to be genuine and

00:37:17.360 nice and compassionate and understanding. Just helpful. Yeah. Helpful. Yes. Okay. The question

00:37:23.680 you just asked, let me back up. You want to find other men in your circle, in your local area.

00:37:29.180 That's good. You should, you should want that. The question you just asked every other man who knows

00:37:37.200 that this is somewhat important is asking themselves the same damn question. And what

00:37:41.840 all of them are doing is they're like, Oh, well, you know, like if there was only something I could

00:37:45.120 show up to, then I would show up and I would do it. And so you've got like 20 guys who could

00:37:50.380 potentially be in your circle. And all of them are just like dinking around wondering who's going to

00:37:54.480 start this thing. Guess what it takes. One guy who says, I'm going to do this. So what you do

00:38:02.900 is you pick a night, Thursday evening, we're going to do Bible study at six o'clock Saturday

00:38:09.300 morning. We're going to do basketball at the church or the, the, the park. Uh, Tuesday afternoon,

00:38:18.020 we're going to start a golf league. Uh, Wednesday morning, we're going to, uh, do a book club,

00:38:25.980 whatever. I don't care what your thing is. Like pick your thing, pick your poison. There's a bunch of

00:38:30.740 other guys who like the same thing you do. Okay. You got the date, you got the time, you got the

00:38:35.980 activity, and then you get out your phone and you call the guy that you work with. And you say, Hey,

00:38:41.380 bro, like, I know we've never hung out outside of work, but, um, uh, I, I know that you're also

00:38:46.420 into, uh, into golf. And on Thursday evening, we're going to be starting up a golf league. And I wanted to

00:38:52.440 see if you wanted to come along and you call 15 guys, five of them will show up or maybe less,

00:38:58.000 maybe three or maybe one, or maybe nobody shows up. And then next Thursday evening, you send out

00:39:05.580 the same text to the 15 guys and you're like, Hey guys, I know, um, you know, two of you came last

00:39:12.220 week. It was good to golf with you too. Uh, the other, you know, 10 or 13 guys couldn't make it for

00:39:17.680 whatever reason. I just want to let you know, Thursday night, six o'clock golf league. And you're

00:39:23.840 going to have, instead of two guys show up, you're going to have three. And then the next Thursday,

00:39:28.520 not to beat a dead horse, you send out the same text. Hey guys, uh, we had three guys here. We had

00:39:34.280 a great time. We learned about X, Y, and Z and I beat so-and-so and I made 50 bucks and this guy lost

00:39:39.160 50 bucks and it was a good time. And, uh, we're going to do it again Thursday at six o'clock at this

00:39:45.480 golf course. See you guys there. Let me know if you're in and you're going to have seven guys show up.

00:39:50.440 And the next time you do it, you're going to have four. And the next time you do it,

00:39:53.360 you're going to have eight. And the next time you do it, you're six. And the next time, 10,

00:39:56.440 you have to be consistent. You have to take initiative because nobody else is going to do

00:40:02.840 it. That's the only reason I have a job. It's the only reason guys, I have a job because you won't do

00:40:09.960 it. So when people say, well, Ryan, what makes you qualified? I'm willing to do it. Yeah.

00:40:15.660 Because if every single one of you that believes in how important masculinity was,

00:40:20.840 was actually doing what I would be doing, I would not have a job. So thank you, I guess.

00:40:26.540 But also just take some initiative, find something you're interested, pick a date,

00:40:31.920 be consistent, regardless of people show up, whether or not they show up and just do it every day and,

00:40:40.000 or every week or whatever your, your time schedule is and continue to invite,

00:40:43.940 have the guys invite other people. It's not hard. I mean, it's very, very simple. It just takes a

00:40:51.620 little bit initiative and a lot of consistency. And you know what? Look, if nobody shows up to golf

00:40:57.600 league on Thursday night, are you going to be disappointed because you get to get in a round

00:41:00.380 of golf? No. Or here's another way. Tap into what somebody else is already doing.

00:41:07.780 So the guy to go back to jujitsu, I know the guys train on Monday and Wednesday night. Guess what I

00:41:15.400 do on Monday and Wednesday night? I go train. That's where the guys are. Like, I don't ask them

00:41:22.340 to accommodate me. I don't wonder when like people are going to find me cool or want to hang. No,

00:41:26.900 that's where the guys are. There's 10 to 15 guys hanging out, training, beating each other up,

00:41:31.780 having a good time learning. And so I'm going to just assert myself and it feels awkward,

00:41:36.000 especially the first time you go, you don't know anybody. They have their own culture and their

00:41:40.840 own inside jokes. And you're like, I don't get this or whatever, but you just go. And then you go

00:41:45.380 again the next week and the next week and the next week. And eventually you realize, oh, you know what?

00:41:49.360 I'm part of the, I'm part of the guys. It's not hard guys. It just takes initiative, create it on your

00:41:57.260 own or go where somebody else has already created it. And I want to reiterate consistency, consistency,

00:42:04.120 consistency, consistency. If you do it once, nobody will show up. You'll have this weird

00:42:09.480 expectation about what it should be. You won't meet your expectation. You'll be like, oh no,

00:42:13.140 nobody cares. This is stupid. What if I said that the first time I ever did an order man podcast,

00:42:17.260 I had whatever it was, 60 people download the podcast. I'm like, oh, well, how come 600 people

00:42:22.580 or how come 6,000? I guess people don't want to know about this. And so I said, oh, threw in the towel.

00:42:29.100 What will my life look like six years down the road? If I would have done that.

00:42:34.120 Be consistent, take some initiative, create it yourself or tap. This is even the lazier way is

00:42:41.380 just to tap into what other people are already doing. And that's good too. But those are the

00:42:46.180 two ways to do it. Cool. All right. Jay, Jardulo. Jardulo. Sovereignty. It's either Jared. I think

00:42:57.340 it's Jared Dillow or Jared Dio. Or Dio. Dio. I need to ask Jared. All right. Jardulo. All right,

00:43:03.300 Jay. Sovereignty. Is there a dichotomy between being a sovereign man and following a system like

00:43:10.940 the Iron Council that dictates a book of the challenge myself? You cut out a little bit,

00:43:17.280 but I think I got the gist of that. You're asking if there's a dichotomy. No, I think it's on my end.

00:43:21.500 There's a dichotomy between being sovereign and following a system like ours or the book

00:43:26.660 sovereignty. There's no dichotomy there. There's no discrepancy. This is actually one of the questions

00:43:34.240 I get a lot along these same lines is how can you be a sovereign man and also believe in God

00:43:40.620 and follow in his footsteps? They're at odds with each other. No, they're not at all. They're not at

00:43:46.040 odds with each other because you get to decide. And just because you happen to follow a particular

00:43:52.840 system, whether that's a religious doctrine or the book sovereignty or the Iron Council,

00:43:59.840 it doesn't mean that you're relinquishing control over yourself because at any time you could decide

00:44:04.660 to walk away or decide that this isn't going to work for me or decide to take elements and leave

00:44:08.520 others. You still are maintaining your sovereignty. So guys, I'm not interested in blind allegiance and

00:44:15.060 blind support from you. I want you to question whether this is going to work for you, whether

00:44:20.540 this is going to add value to your life, whether what I'm telling you is true or not, because if I

00:44:25.680 wasn't encouraging you to do that, you could bet that I'm a scam artist to put it mildly, to put it

00:44:31.480 nicely. I want you to challenge my thoughts and, and, and see if they fit into your view or vision of,

00:44:39.840 of your own life. So there's that, look, are you telling me that, I mean, this is how I liken this.

00:44:46.680 So here's my battle planner. All right. So every day I go in and I fill this out. Are you telling

00:44:50.720 me that because I have a system that works for me, that I'm less sovereign, I'm less in control of my

00:44:56.360 life? No, I'm actually taking control of my life. I'm actually using my sovereignty to find systems and

00:45:05.660 codes and processes and the band of brothers that are going to actually serve me in my needs.

00:45:10.880 And as soon as I recognize, like if I was doing this battle planner here and I began to acknowledge

00:45:15.280 and recognize that this was no longer serving me as a sovereign man, then it's my responsibility to

00:45:20.320 get rid of this or to tweak it in a way that's going to serve my best interest. So guys, I don't

00:45:26.360 want you to think that again, whether it's the religion discussion or the iron council discussion,

00:45:31.620 that just because you happen to band with other people, or you happen to decide that a certain

00:45:36.740 way of looking at life is going to benefit you, that somehow you're no longer sovereign.

00:45:41.700 Because what you're saying is that you're telling me that if you go to church, you're saying that

00:45:46.760 because you've decided to give your life to God, that you're no longer in charge of your own life.

00:45:52.500 I've never understood that. I can't understand that because at any time, and I wouldn't do this

00:45:56.900 at any time I could decide, no, I'm not going to take this path of God. It's still my choice.

00:46:03.080 God's given us agency and I've chosen to follow those footsteps.

00:46:08.780 It's almost like a level of victimhood where, where people will go, okay, well, I'm a member

00:46:14.000 of this church. This is what I believe. And then when, when they're entered that they don't kind of

00:46:19.480 like, or there's kind of suggestion or an approach, they'll go, oh, you know, I hate that. I have to,

00:46:26.120 like, we'll even use the language. Oh, I hate that. I have to do this. Or I don't like that. I have

00:46:32.400 to do that. And you're like, you know, when did you join something, throw up your hands and then

00:46:37.760 be a victim of it. Right. Like no religion should ever be that way. Right. When we, when we believe

00:46:45.040 something, we should believe it. And if there's aspects of it that we struggle with, we need to

00:46:50.180 figure out why we're struggling with it and still make a conscious choice to follow those to your

00:46:55.060 point, not blindly. And it's not because like, we should be in, at least in my opinion, not that

00:46:59.240 we should be suspicious and be overly concerned about things, but you should be bought in. Like

00:47:04.400 you shouldn't do anything by blindly. Why? Because you shouldn't be bought into it. You should

00:47:09.900 understand reasoning for it. So then that way you're doing it for the right reason and not doing

00:47:15.720 it just because you're asked to. So it's a, it's almost like a form of laziness and lack of critical

00:47:22.020 thinking when we, when we have those scenarios come up where we're like, Oh, we're going to

00:47:26.740 blindly go along. It's, it's cause we're being too lazy and we're actually not getting bought in and

00:47:31.780 doing the necessary thought process to understand why we're doing those things and why we, why it

00:47:36.520 would be beneficial to us. Yeah. I think you hit it the nail on the head when you talked about laziness,

00:47:41.260 not so much of victimhood. I just think it's easier to just follow somebody else's system and think,

00:47:48.780 well, like this is the way you do it. Is it? Yeah. Good point. Yeah. I mean, I've got mentors

00:47:55.280 than really, yeah, it is. And I, and I know Jay's not lazy. I know him personally, he's not a lazy

00:48:01.860 individual. So, I mean, he's asking a good question that a lot of people bring up and contemplate, but

00:48:06.780 nobody's requiring you to do anything. Now, if I was forcing your hand, you know, I had a gun to your

00:48:13.500 head and said, Jay, you have to do it this way. Okay. Now your sovereignty has taken it. Now I

00:48:18.960 stripped you of your sovereignty, right? Because you're under threat of death to be part of this

00:48:26.780 organization. Okay. Now you're, and if you acquiesce to that, you have voluntarily given me

00:48:32.760 your sovereignty, by the way, I'm attempting to take it. And if you acquiesce, you've given it to me,

00:48:37.860 but you're, nobody's holding you at Jay. Look, you call me up tomorrow and you say, Hey, Ryan,

00:48:43.320 I hate everything you stand for. I don't want to be part of this. And I'm out. I'd say, you know

00:48:46.300 what? I wish you the best on your path. Good luck. And I would genuinely mean that. That's

00:48:52.600 sovereignty. You've decided to be here, which means that you've made a sovereign decision to be here.

00:48:59.380 Yeah. Hmm. What's your take on like, I, you hear this every so often, like cults, right? People,

00:49:07.080 you know, like, Oh, he's part of this cult and whatever. And sometimes when I hear that, I'm

00:49:11.840 like, they still have control of their own mind, right? Like they're, they're still like making a

00:49:17.140 kind of part of something that someone else would classify as a call. And, and do you get what I'm

00:49:24.180 saying? Uh, it cut out again. Um, I think we're having some internet connectivity issues. Hold on one

00:49:30.040 second. It was a dumb question anyway. Totally. I'm going to give you a, I actually heard it. I was

00:49:35.260 pretending that I didn't just to give you a bio. That's a good strategy. You're like, uh, you know

00:49:41.380 what? You broke out next question. Let's cut that out. Let's cut that one out. Um, I think what you

00:49:49.600 said is you were asking about cults is what you're asking about. Here's the difference. I'm not lying

00:49:56.820 to you. I'm not manipulating your emotions and I don't, and my motives are pure.

00:50:05.640 That's the difference. Like I, you're not here to serve me. You're not here to ensure that this

00:50:12.060 thing is, does what I want it to do. I'm here to serve you. Actually, I'm here to give you

00:50:19.000 information and tools and resources and guidance and direction that will serve you. And you're under

00:50:26.280 no threat. You're under no, uh, no, I can't think of the term, but you're, you're just not under

00:50:36.240 threat. Like there's, there's no consequence to you not being part of this. I'm not threatening you.

00:50:41.860 I'm not threatening your livelihood. I'm not holding you here by force of coercion. And that to me is what

00:50:47.980 a cult would do, right? Manipulate you, coerce you, force you, strong arm, you play with your

00:50:54.140 emotions. That's not what I'm here to do. So, you know, I, yeah, I mean, if you could take elements

00:51:01.600 of a cult, like you all believe like cult, for example, charismatic leader, like all cults have

00:51:06.260 a charismatic leader. Hitler was charismatic. Like he, he couldn't do what he did. If he wasn't

00:51:11.820 charismatic charisma alone doesn't make. And quite amazing what he did. If you think about it,

00:51:17.980 like, I mean, that's not the right word I would use, but I know what you're saying.

00:51:21.340 Not amazing in a good way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know what you're saying.

00:51:24.640 Amazing. Nonetheless. Yeah. So if you extract elements of, of a cult or elements of a movement

00:51:31.360 that are negative, then yeah, I guess you could maybe liken some of that stuff to what we're doing

00:51:35.600 here. But if you look at it as a whole, no, I don't. Yeah. Well, and just to clarify my, so my

00:51:41.540 question was really around like people not having sovereignty in, in regards to cults. And, and I

00:51:47.800 don't think you lose your sovereignty just because you're still making a conscious decision. You know,

00:51:53.340 if someone was following a cult, like, I don't understand, you know what I mean? Like sometimes

00:51:57.240 there's this sense of like, it's a cult, you lose all freedoms and you won't know that you're,

00:52:02.480 you know, like you, you, you're not controlling your mind anymore, you know? And it's like,

00:52:06.680 wait a second, you can still make a choice. No, no, you can. But the problem is, is if you're

00:52:11.280 making a choice on flawed data or flawed input, then yes, it's still your responsibility. I'm not

00:52:17.820 absolving you of the responsibility, but if somebody's manipulating you to the point where

00:52:23.600 you're not making decisions with all of the information at hand, then that's a problem.

00:52:29.020 Yeah. Like that's a genuine problem. If I was lying to you and I was, I was making things up and

00:52:34.880 I was keeping you here and sheltering you from, from certain information or input from other people,

00:52:40.680 that's a problem. It's still your responsibility. I'm not saying that, but it's a problem on my end

00:52:47.280 that I'm not giving you access or allowing you access to all the information and assuming that

00:52:52.700 because you're an adult that you can make your own decision. I think that's the difference. So these

00:52:57.380 people who get caught up in cults, yes, they're, they're, they're not, they're still responsible

00:53:06.380 for their life. And I don't know this. I'm just saying this anecdotally. I imagine that a lot of

00:53:10.900 these people are very weak-minded people and they're very easily controlled or manipulated. I imagine a

00:53:16.160 lot of these people are probably damaged and probably have interpreted some of their life as

00:53:20.060 being traumatic and that they need somebody to rescue them. And that's a problem because then they

00:53:26.320 make themselves susceptible to a charismatic individual who does not have their best interest

00:53:31.000 at heart and will shield them from the information that could possibly serve them in order to force

00:53:36.980 feed information that they have selected to get them to do what they want to do. So there's a problem

00:53:42.160 on both sides when you're talking about a cult and cult-like behavior. Yeah. Hmm. All right. Grant Holmes,

00:53:51.520 my mother listens to your podcast regularly. She has reached out to my wife and is asking how to

00:53:57.880 handle my, my other sisters left leaning views of masculinity. It seems like my sisters appreciate

00:54:05.860 my actions and my example that I set, but I'm at the same time, they believe men who act like women

00:54:12.260 are truly masculine. Would you suggest doing anything else besides setting a damn good example and showing my

00:54:19.200 family what sovereignty produces? Sometimes that seems passive versus maybe going out of my way and

00:54:25.060 having a discussion with them on the topic. I mean, I might have a discussion about it because it sounds

00:54:29.500 like maybe they're intrigued or interested in it. So I might talk about that. I wouldn't get drawn into

00:54:33.720 a battle because you might. So have the discussion. If it gets contentious, maybe you bow out and say,

00:54:39.080 Hey, you know, it's cool. I just wanted to share some thoughts and sounds like you don't appreciate

00:54:43.160 them and that's fine. You know, keep doing what you want to do, but there's a scripture and I don't have

00:54:47.360 the scripture reference right off hand. You guys will know better than I will, but by their fruits,

00:54:51.520 you shall know thee by their fruits, you shall know thee. So what's going to happen is these

00:54:56.740 feminine men continue to live their lives in feminine manner. They're going to produce less

00:55:00.420 than desirable results for themselves, their families, their communities, their businesses,

00:55:03.880 and every other area they show up. And people will see that and they'll interpret it as weakness

00:55:08.260 because frankly, it is not to step into who you are. And then they'll look at the guy across the

00:55:13.540 street, or in this case, you, the other family member who's bold and strong and courageous and

00:55:18.760 assertive and has a set of skills and leads his family effectively. And they'll think that's a real

00:55:23.900 man because by their fruits, they shall know you. So you just continue to produce. You continue to lead

00:55:32.160 your family effectively. You continue to raise good sons and daughters. You continue to inspire and lead

00:55:38.480 hand in hand, your wife, and they will see it. They may not see it now because nothing's hard right now.

00:55:45.020 Yeah. We can get away with being that way.

00:55:47.640 Yes. I know we're in the middle of COVID and everything else, but nothing's hard,

00:55:51.520 which is nice, but also we're not exposed. It's like Warren Buffett's thing that, that, that,

00:55:59.960 that a rising tide lifts all ships. I think it was Warren Buffett that said that. And he also said that

00:56:04.260 when the tide goes out, you get to see who's naked. The tide's in right now. Once that tide goes out,

00:56:11.580 everybody will know who's exposed and who's vulnerable, and it isn't going to be you.

00:56:16.480 And so in times of prosperity, men, and this is what I talked about in the book, Sovereignty.

00:56:20.920 I said that in times of, of, of, of abundance and prosperity, we're put up on the shelf. And it's

00:56:26.420 like that, that, uh, that whole idea of, of in case of emergency break glass here. So men are put up

00:56:33.040 on this shelf because we're not needed. Our masculine energy isn't needed in times of prosperity

00:56:37.320 and abundance. Who do you think created that? Now, when shit hits the fan and everybody's scared and

00:56:42.740 things are going down, what do they do? They run to the wall and they break the glass and they pull

00:56:45.700 out the real men, not the men who are feminine, not the men who don't have a set of skills, not the

00:56:51.540 men who are weak and cowardly. They can get away with it in an easy world, but in times of emergency,

00:56:58.000 they're going to break that glass and call upon you. And that's coming guys. That's coming.

00:57:02.680 That might be an isolated experience within your family or your extended family, or it could be a

00:57:08.320 cultural or national or even international event, but that time is coming and everybody will know who

00:57:15.960 the men are and who the men aren't. And you better find yourself in the right category. And the only way

00:57:20.820 people are going to see is by your fruits. And they're going to think, I need to be around that

00:57:24.860 guy because that guy is going to give me what I need, which is safety, comfort, security,

00:57:31.340 prosperity, the people, the things that people are looking for when they don't have it.

00:57:35.960 Yeah.

00:57:39.360 Kelby Jones. I've recently decided to take the role of male role model in my three nephews lives. I don't

00:57:45.880 have any kids of myself, myself, and their life is a wreck along with their mother, my sister,

00:57:50.900 and the other family members. I travel to work, so I don't get much face-to-face time with them.

00:57:56.240 They are always staying with my grandmother, my mother, and my sister, and never have any male

00:58:01.000 interactions that's positive. Where should I start? I have plans for weekly Zoom calls in my battle

00:58:07.260 plan, and I call and text every day to have topics of conversation during the week, but I'm at loss of

00:58:13.280 where to begin the process of trying to portray to them what becoming a man is all about since I never

00:58:18.820 had those lessons growing up either. So you guys get to learn together. How cool is that? Did he say

00:58:24.360 how far away he is from his nephews? No, he didn't. He just says limited face-to-face time, so he's

00:58:32.500 having to do Zoom calls and text. Yeah. Unless you're geographically not in the area, I would say

00:58:40.100 screw that bullshit and go pick up your nephews and go do some things together with them. Like go to the

00:58:45.260 basketball court, go play tennis, go to the jujitsu mats, get physical on the weekend,

00:58:50.940 camping, totally go on a hike, whatever, like be safe. I'm not telling you to be reckless, but be

00:58:56.880 safe, but go get them, go get them and, and be manly with them. Like you don't have to know this

00:59:06.160 stuff to expose them to experiences. You know, like it, like maybe you've never shot a gun in your life.

00:59:12.140 So take your three nephews to the shooting range and you can learn while they're learning. That's

00:59:17.720 cool. And, and by the way, I'm not saying that you have to shoot a gun to be manly. I'm just saying

00:59:22.880 that that's an opportunity for you to learn, for them to learn. And they're going to draw so many

00:59:28.220 lessons on that experience outside of a Zoom call. I mean, basically you're a school teacher right now.

00:59:35.980 No, no boy wants to listen to a school teacher. You got to get in their face. You got to get in their

00:59:41.180 grill. You got to, you got to choke them. You got to, you got to arm wrestle them.

00:59:46.820 You got to, they got to, I made a post on social media long time ago, like three years ago. And

00:59:52.620 I'm like, we like loud noises. We like things that smell weird and something else. And I can't

00:59:58.760 remember, but you, but do that. Get them around loud noises. Go to, go to the racetrack. Better yet,

01:00:05.060 get them a bike and teach them how to ride a dirt bike. We like loud noises. It smells,

01:00:10.700 they smell the gasoline. I mean, look, you, even this, like you're sitting around and you're just

01:00:15.140 farting, like literally farting and having a good time. That's more engaging experience than being

01:00:20.300 on a Zoom call with them. Cause we like things that smell weird and it's funny. And then you can

01:00:25.840 have conversations and you can laugh and you can play. And that's what boys are about. And society

01:00:31.460 doesn't want you to do that, right? You have to have manners. You have to be quiet. You have to

01:00:36.920 be respectful. You have to be, you have to, you have to color within the lines and cross your legs

01:00:42.640 and say your pleases and thank yous. And there's an, there's a time for that. Sure. And there's a

01:00:48.440 time to rip the loudest fart you ever have. There's a time to try to make, catch the most air on a,

01:00:53.300 on a dirt bike that you ever could. There's a time to blow something up. There's a time to try to

01:00:58.240 choke each other out. And all of that is being stripped away from our young men.

01:01:03.540 And they're asked to behave like girls. And what a shame. So go get around loud noises.

01:01:11.800 I wish I could remember what the third one was. It was loud noises, things that smell,

01:01:15.500 and I don't know, something else you'll figure it out.

01:01:18.260 Danger or no?

01:01:19.560 Sure.

01:01:20.380 Risk.

01:01:21.420 It has to be risk.

01:01:22.480 Not, you're not going to be reckless, but there has to be an element of risk to it.

01:01:28.620 Yeah. That's what makes it fun. We used to jump. We used to make ramps all the time when we were

01:01:32.760 kids. And it wasn't until we decided to put glass down where you might wreck that it, that the,

01:01:39.180 that it got more enjoyable. Cause you're like, all right, you're going to get impelled if you,

01:01:44.960 if you don't clear it, you know?

01:01:46.240 And it's better. And you know what? I bet some of you didn't clear it and you wiped out and you have

01:01:51.280 cuts and you probably still have the scars to show it. Look, I'll give you an example. I don't

01:01:55.380 know if you can see, cause my arms are so big. So I can't pull this a windbreaker up here

01:01:58.760 right here. You can't see it, but cause again, I can't pull my windbreaker up, but right here,

01:02:04.680 I've got a scar. It's like an inch long scar just above my elbow. So when I was a kid growing up in

01:02:11.080 Parowan, Utah, we had this, uh, this hill that we'd go behind. We called it crimson Hills because there

01:02:17.800 was a little, uh, it must've been some, some apartments or something right below this hill.

01:02:21.900 It was the best tubing hill in all of Parowan. And we'd go, it wasn't long, but it was steep.

01:02:28.280 And so we'd get my buddy, Kelly stole, he'd go, he'd steal tractor tube tires from his, his, uh,

01:02:34.760 family's ranch. And we'd grab these tractor tube tire, uh, tubes. And we would, we would go up this

01:02:40.940 hill and we'd hike to the top of the hill. Well, one day we had this, this incredible idea that like

01:02:46.000 six of us should all get on this tractor tube at the same time. So we all piled in and I got in

01:02:52.460 first. And then my buddy, Cody and Jed and stole and Truman and all these other guys, we all get in

01:02:56.980 right. And the whole idea with crimson Hills is that there's a stop point on the hill. So you get

01:03:05.300 at the top and you slide down in the snow. And then when you hit that tree, it's like a juniper tree.

01:03:10.300 Y'all say bail, bail. And everybody hit the tree. No, because at the bottom of the hill, there's a

01:03:17.760 barbed wire fence. So what we would do is we found this old car hood and we said, all right, so, so we

01:03:24.520 don't kill ourselves. We're going to put this car hood in front of this fence. We're just going to

01:03:28.840 lean it up. So if we hit something, we're not gonna hit the fence, but we're going to hit the car

01:03:31.820 hood, the metal car hood, the metal wall. So we all, we all pile on this tractor tube. We get on the

01:03:40.160 top and we're like, all right, go. And we launch and we're cruising and I'm having fun. Everybody's

01:03:45.520 smiling and laughing. And we get to that tree and everybody's like bail. So everybody bails. I'm on

01:03:52.200 the bottom. I don't have time to bail, man. I hit that fence so hard. And I went through the fence

01:04:00.240 and I kind of like came to and realized what happened. And I was literally hanging on the

01:04:06.560 other side of that fence. My arms were stuck because the barbed wire had caught on my clothes.

01:04:10.220 So my arms were hanging up and my legs were hanging up and I was hanging on the other side of that fence.

01:04:15.100 And I kind of like navigated and pulled myself off there or whatever. And I had this huge gash on my

01:04:20.680 arm and it took months to heal. They said, I said, oh man, should I go get stitches? They're like,

01:04:25.700 I don't know, put some ice in it. Maybe it'll stop bleeding. And that's exactly what I did. So I grabbed

01:04:29.640 some snow and I put some, I just packed it with ice or snow, the wound with snow. And yeah,

01:04:36.440 it stopped bleeding. So I'm like, I guess I don't need stitches. I still have the scar to show,

01:04:39.680 but you know what? I love that scar. Yeah. Cause that was fun and that bonded us. And that's

01:04:48.060 something that's being stripped away both literally and figuratively from society. And we're weaker

01:04:52.660 because of it. We're weaker because kids don't get hurt. My mom, when I was younger, she would send me

01:04:58.920 out and she would literally lock the screen door of our house. And she'd say, go find something to

01:05:02.900 do. And I'd always bitch and moan for like an hour. Let me in. I got to pee. I want to watch TV,

01:05:07.320 blah, blah, blah. And she'd say, nope, nope, nope. Go find something to do. And then before long,

01:05:10.620 me and my buddies would go find something to do. I remember we'd ride bikes all over. I got shot in

01:05:15.500 the back with a guy who was on his property. He got shot in the back with a salt pellet gun

01:05:19.560 because he didn't want us on our property. He didn't hurt us, but he shot me with a salt pellet

01:05:25.460 gun. And then we would, we'd climb on people's houses, man. We literally climbed on people's

01:05:31.240 houses and we had GI Joes and we'd take napkins and we'd find string and we tied little parachutes

01:05:36.480 and we were on people's house. I don't even know whose houses we were on, but we were on their houses

01:05:40.500 and we were throwing our guys off and seeing if the parachutes we built would actually work.

01:05:45.480 Like we've robbed our kids of this opportunity to like grow and experience specifically boys

01:05:51.820 to grow and to experience and to live life. And we're worse because of it. It's so sad, man. So

01:05:58.360 I'm getting off on a, like a tangent here and stuff, but at the end of the day, like get off of zoom.

01:06:04.040 Okay. Go pick them up, go shoot, go wrestle, go play, go explore, get a, get a, a, a paintball guns,

01:06:12.560 buy four of them, go buy four paintball guns or airsoft guns and buy some masks. I want you to

01:06:17.260 be safe and say, Hey, I'm going to give you a 10 second headstart. And then I'm going to load on

01:06:22.160 you. That's the, when, when I got my airsoft guns, cause we got them for our events and you've done

01:06:28.820 that with us, Kip. The first thing me and my son did is I said, all right, let's go test these out.

01:06:33.800 So we went and put our masks on. I'm like, I don't know, stand 20 yards away. And so he stood 10 at 20

01:06:38.400 and I shot him and I shot him right in the kneecap and he dropped and he's crying. So he gets up

01:06:42.840 pissed and he shot me right in the dick and we laughed and had fun and it was fine. And we were

01:06:49.660 better for it because we bonded and have stories to tell. And this is what you need to do with your

01:06:54.300 boys. Get them out of zoom, get them out of the classroom, get them away from girls for a minute

01:06:59.500 and just go be men, which at times is stupid and silly and reckless and maybe even a little

01:07:05.760 dangerous, certainly an element of risk, but just go experience. That's what they need from you.

01:07:12.040 Love it, man. All right. Blake Gann, many times as men, we take ourselves too seriously. I believe

01:07:18.120 that most of the time we should be taking ourselves. Okay. I believe that most of the time we should be

01:07:24.040 taking ourselves seriously, but of course there's always a time and a place. So with that said,

01:07:28.860 what are your thoughts and ways for men that can lighten up and express some humor and et cetera,

01:07:33.940 without losing too much of their seriousness or without being stiff, perhaps practicing humility

01:07:39.540 would play into this. I think I just answered that question.

01:07:44.320 Yeah, I agree. Just go, just go have fun, have fun. No agenda. Like just go shoot each other. Just go

01:07:51.400 wrestle. Just go play. Just go. Don't worry about what's the lesson that's being learned here. Nah,

01:07:57.220 man, just go have fun. Yeah, totally. Yeah. I mean, and that's, that's been a breakthrough

01:08:02.700 for me this past year where so much of what success looks like is like, I feel good, but I come across

01:08:12.840 stiff and boring and too serious and not fun. And, and then I think my kids, my, my kids don't want to

01:08:21.820 be around me. I mean, they're not like, Oh, I look up to dad cause he's so productive and he, you know,

01:08:27.280 he takes care of things. No, it's because I'm enjoyable to be around and it's, and I, I run into

01:08:32.560 that fault very easily where I can get things done and not be fun to be around. Like those are

01:08:39.100 usually conflict. So I have to remember that a lot. So here's an, here's a small example. Cause I like

01:08:45.720 giving these examples cause then people can see, but, um, the other day I went on a walk with my

01:08:51.940 wife and kids. And one thing my wife started doing and I didn't know, but she started doing is we go

01:08:56.620 on our walk. There's this little point where she stops and then all of the kids, they race from one

01:09:01.520 point to the other. And then she times them. So my youngest went and then my second and then my third

01:09:07.640 and then my fourth, and she times them all to get to that next point. And then, so all four kids went

01:09:12.640 and they're standing there at the end. And I'm like, Hey, well my turn. And my wife's like,

01:09:16.160 are you going to go? I'm like, hell yeah, I'm going to go. Like I want to race. And my kids are like,

01:09:20.620 are you going to go down? I'm like, yeah, I'm going to go. And I smoked him. I blew him out of

01:09:25.040 the water, by the way. And I rubbed it in their faces. Not mean, but like fun, you know, like just

01:09:34.320 let your hair down a little bit and just have fun. Like you don't always need to be the pillar of

01:09:40.060 masculinity and like the, the beacon of the household with this stoic, just go have fun.

01:09:45.500 You guys know how to do it. My kids bring that out because it is. And I look, I'm as

01:09:50.580 guilty as you, if not more so of that serious tone, but like get around kids, like get away

01:09:55.640 from adults and just go get around kids and just play, just play. Yeah. Yeah. It's very easy to act

01:10:02.380 like a kid. If I let myself, it's good. Like the other day we did, we built that, um, in our barn,

01:10:10.540 we built that pulley system. Did you see that? Yeah. Where you're, you're lifting your kid up really

01:10:15.960 high. I was like, there's a lot of trust happening because I thought as soon as I got them high,

01:10:22.740 I'm like, Oh, we better let them go. But it was fun. Yeah. And we built this pull. There was a

01:10:29.240 pulley in our barn. I'm like, let's use that and let's get a rope. And what can we put at the end

01:10:33.040 of this rope? And my son's like, Oh, put tires on there. I'm like, okay. So we threw one tire on

01:10:37.160 there. He's like, nah, it's not heavy enough. He's like, throw three on there. Three was way too heavy.

01:10:41.640 He's like, all right, we'll get, we'll do two. You know, like you just go, that's all I can say

01:10:45.340 is just go have fun. It's easy. Yeah, totally. And it's funny. Like our kids pick up stuff from

01:10:50.860 us. Like sometimes when I act crazy, they're like, dad, this is like, they'll start like tell me I

01:10:56.200 shouldn't do it. You know what I mean? And it's, and I don't see that as a good thing. I see that as

01:11:00.580 like, we're not having enough fun. Like we need to have fun more often because they're, they're too

01:11:05.760 reserved, you know, in regards to what we're doing. It usually results in car driving,

01:11:11.140 church parking lot with a six inches of snow. And all my kids are like, this is so dangerous.

01:11:18.040 I'm like, I don't care. You get the driver's seat. Let me show you how to power slide.

01:11:22.200 That's right. That's right. That's awesome. All right. Charles Phillips is someone new to the IC

01:11:28.040 and someone with a lot of liberal friends. What advice do you have for navigating the three piece

01:11:34.660 in social circles that is in disagreement with the concepts and consider them toxic, get new friends.

01:11:40.860 I'm just joking. No, I think that's actually pretty good advice. Yeah. They're not good. I mean,

01:11:48.500 I don't want to jump to conclusions here. Well, are they in line with how you want to show up and

01:11:55.600 what's important to you? Right. And if they are cool. And I'm not saying everybody has to agree

01:12:00.400 on everything because we have friends for different purposes. You know, there's people that I have that

01:12:04.240 see things politically different than me, but we don't talk politics. We enjoy a different type of

01:12:09.360 relationship and we can hunt together or train together or whatever. And that's the extent of

01:12:13.800 our relationship and it's all wonderful. Yeah. But the idea that you, I don't even know that this

01:12:21.400 would, that this should even be brought up unless it's just like over the top blatantly obvious that

01:12:27.400 they're like picking at you and poking at you. And in that case, they're probably not serving you

01:12:31.100 very well. Otherwise, like how would this even get brought up? I have liberal friends and it's not

01:12:35.500 like, Oh, that's my liberal friend. And I, no, I don't even know because we don't, we don't talk

01:12:41.540 about that stuff. We just talk about other things and it's fine. I like we're so polarized and we're

01:12:46.520 so tribal and I just don't think we need to be there. So, you know, if, if, if it's, if there's

01:12:51.280 some situation where it's negative and it's not good for you, then I think your advice of find new

01:12:57.260 friends is dead on. But if it's like, no, I don't talk with that guy about politics, but I enjoy

01:13:02.280 everything else about our relationship. Cool. Enjoy everything else about your relationship.

01:13:08.360 But again, they're going to acknowledge, they're going to see if you stick around in the iron

01:13:12.340 council and you do everything that we've showed you and you, and you, and you believe in the system

01:13:16.340 and you tap into what we're doing, they're going to see improvements in your life. You're going to

01:13:19.140 start losing weight. I don't know your situation, but you're going to start losing weight. You're going

01:13:22.560 to start being a better leader of your family. You're probably going to have more sex, which is that

01:13:28.040 that's going to show you're going to get promotions. You're going to be more confident.

01:13:31.120 They're going to see that and be like, what the world is going on with this guy? And then you

01:13:33.940 tell them, they're like, what really? Yeah, really. And then one of those friends is going

01:13:40.120 to actually ask more questions and he's going to realize that what you're doing is the path

01:13:44.840 and the others that don't care, find to move on, or you just limit the type of relationship that

01:13:50.880 you have. And that's good too. That's okay. All of your friends don't have to be everything to you.

01:13:57.000 Like there's certain guys that are just, those are my training partners that we like to train

01:14:00.260 together and we don't hang out outside of it. I see him every Monday and Wednesday night and we

01:14:04.820 go train and we go hard and we enjoy it and that's it. And then there's other guys, Ryan Daggett,

01:14:10.320 for example, we'll train and then he'll come over on the weekend and he'll come shoot bows with me.

01:14:13.720 And we'll, we'll have a good time because that's our relationship. And that's good too.

01:14:18.680 I don't expect that every interaction I have has to be my best friend. I can compartmentalize and

01:14:25.700 have it where it is. Kip, you and I, we're never going to hang out outside of this podcast ever.

01:14:30.520 Hell no. But on this podcast, absolutely, man. Absolutely.

01:14:36.440 Only over the internet. We hang out over the internet only.

01:14:39.680 This is a zoom relationship only.

01:14:43.700 All right. Tyson junkers last guy in the ice. Yeah. Last one. Last one. Um, do you believe the

01:14:48.540 more we avoid conversations about conflicting subjects, i.e. Trump versus Biden, BLM versus

01:14:55.220 cops, COVID, et cetera, the more divisive and sensitive we get. We always talk about facing

01:15:01.680 our fears, but when it comes to touchy subjects, most of us would rather avoid the confrontation

01:15:06.060 and hold in anger than to take it on. I would love to start having healthy conversations about

01:15:12.540 subjects. People are typically trying to avoid. You can only have healthy conversations with healthy

01:15:17.380 people. Yeah. There, there, there's no amount of emotional maturity that you can bring to a

01:15:25.660 conversation and change the tone for somebody who lacks any sort of emotional maturity. So if somebody

01:15:31.940 comes to you and I've got plenty of people in my life who come to me and we do not agree and yet

01:15:36.700 they have a high level of emotional immaturity, I've talked about a couple of them here on this

01:15:40.380 podcast and we can talk about these things. We can do it respectfully and with, with intellect and

01:15:46.240 with knowledge and we can challenge each other and ask good questions of each other. And it's great

01:15:52.380 because we both have a level of maturity and there's other people I would never talk with any of

01:15:58.700 that stuff about. So it's really just about deciphering if this is a person that you can have

01:16:04.860 this type of conversation with or not. And if it is cool, have the conversations. And if it starts to

01:16:10.420 go South, maybe ease up on the conversation. Cause sometimes it will, even with somebody you respect,

01:16:14.660 a conversation could go South and you're like, Hey, you know what, Kip, like maybe let's just

01:16:19.000 change subjects, man. I really respect who you are. I don't want to get heated or emotional or be

01:16:23.000 upset with each other. Like I appreciate the dialogue, but you know, maybe we ought to cool off for a

01:16:26.640 minute. And then you go on to do whatever it is you're going to do, but you, you have to decide

01:16:31.940 who's, who you can have the conversation with and who you can't. And there are both types of people

01:16:36.900 and everywhere in between. Yeah. One of my favorite, um, moments before one of the meetups that we did,

01:16:45.160 it was, I think it was Nashville. The last day, a group, there's probably 50 of us that went out to

01:16:53.360 breakfast that morning and the conversation, like we're all kind of, cause it's in a restaurant

01:17:00.900 and we're all kind of sitting by tables near each other. And towards the end of that breakfast is

01:17:05.960 some guys filtered out. There is probably 20 of us kind of circle around a booth and we were

01:17:12.080 debating and discussing and none of the topics were safe topics. Yes. And it was

01:17:22.480 awesome. It was so awesome. I was like, you know what, this is what discussion looks like. This is

01:17:30.740 what logic and critical thinking and controlled emotion looks like. And it was, it was inspiring.

01:17:38.140 And it was a, it was a reiterate iteration to me and the reminder to me that like how valuable it is

01:17:45.480 to be around high caliber individuals that are healthy in this context. Right. And, and what the

01:17:53.020 iron council at this podcast with the order, man, what kind of individuals we have, uh, amongst us.

01:18:00.320 Yes. And it's, it's so cool. It's so cool. Cause I feel like even in the IC, we, we, we have some

01:18:06.360 tough topics, you know, and, and, and, and it's great. Last week was one of our conversations are

01:18:12.700 amazing. Yes. Yeah. I think in order to do that, I don't know. It's refreshing. Yeah. I think in

01:18:19.940 order to do that, you have to have some, some quarters, I can speak here, some sort of common

01:18:24.820 purpose or objective, like in the iron council, we're all trying to improve ourselves and improve

01:18:29.600 our lives. And we're actually all rallied behind that, right? Like everybody who joins that and the

01:18:34.460 guys who don't like that or the way that we do it, they leave, but all of us are, are wanting to

01:18:40.980 improve ourselves as men. And so we can have conversations that aren't quote unquote safe

01:18:47.020 that might challenge our own perspective. But again, it's all on the foundation of improving

01:18:51.220 ourselves. And there's been times where I've had to remind guys, Hey, look, guys, we're on the same

01:18:54.760 team. We're all trying to do the same thing. We're not always going to agree. I don't expect that or

01:19:00.020 even desire that, but let's do it respectfully. Cause we are all on the same team and we

01:19:04.340 have to continue to work together. Those are hard conversations also to have online. So that's one

01:19:10.920 caveat is like in person, like you said, at that event in person is always better, always better.

01:19:15.760 Cause you can see the nuance and you can see that human being for what he or she really is,

01:19:21.180 as opposed to the bot or the, you know, the ones and zeros on the, behind the screen.

01:19:26.580 Yeah, totally. All right. Should we wrap up? Hey, by the way, did you like that? I saved the,

01:19:33.160 the masturbation question for you from, from last week.

01:19:39.380 Did you didn't ask laughing so hard? I can't, I remember you saying it, but what,

01:19:43.560 what was the, did you not even ask what the question was?

01:19:46.380 No, what it was is that question came in when I was doing a solo AMA and I was like,

01:19:53.180 Oh hell no. So I left it. I left it so you could tackle it last week.

01:19:58.080 Yes, that's right. I do. And I did. And I did answer it last week. Didn't I?

01:20:02.760 Yeah. Yeah. You did.

01:20:03.760 Yeah, I did.

01:20:04.400 I was, I started laughing cause I was like, Oh yes.

01:20:08.580 What a jerk.

01:20:09.880 It's always fun. Those are always fun conversations.

01:20:12.200 Like, I don't know. Like do whatever you want, man. Like, I don't know what you want to think

01:20:18.320 about that for you. It's the last image I want to have in my mind. Thank you again for bringing

01:20:25.200 that up, Kip. I appreciate that. Yeah. Well, you know, right. I just want to improve the ratings

01:20:29.700 and the views of the video. Just your small part. Nobody's listening anymore. Anyways,

01:20:35.200 we've been going for over an hour. Everybody's already signed off. They're like, okay, I can't

01:20:38.340 say I'm checked out. Just, just put a teaser in there. And we're like, we mentioned masturbation

01:20:44.280 towards the end. So stick around. Yeah. Stick around. You'll want to hear this. I promise

01:20:48.360 you'll want to hear this. All right. Let's wrap up. There's your breakthrough. All right.

01:20:51.920 So, I mean, we talked, I mean, end of year, um, sign up for the battle ready program. So to learn

01:20:58.560 more, go to order man.com slash battle ready. Um, we roughly have four weeks and, and I hate

01:21:04.180 this. And I, Ryan, I'm assuming you're the same way. Whenever I hear someone like, Oh,

01:21:08.340 in four weeks, I'm going to know, no, no, no. Life doesn't work that way. It happens right

01:21:12.300 now, right now. So it doesn't matter if it's only four weeks away, get on the path, get

01:21:17.680 some four weeks in. If you want to look at it that way. Um, act today. That's, that's

01:21:22.200 really all you have right now is right now anyway, right? There's no, well, the good thing

01:21:25.580 about the battle ready program is it's a 30 day to battle ready program. So, so this is

01:21:30.260 that way you go through it. And then in 30 days, January one, you hit the ground running

01:21:34.520 because you already got everything mapped out and planned out. So this is why you'd want

01:21:38.400 to do it right now. Yeah. So sign up order of man.com slash battle ready. We talked about,

01:21:43.840 um, you know, just the value of the guys that were around, you know, and, and to join us,

01:21:48.720 to band with us, you can do so on Facebook at facebook.com slash groups slash order of man,

01:21:54.260 or you can learn more about the iron council. The phrase I look like I like to use is if you're

01:21:59.900 sitting on the bleachers watching the game and you want to get on the court, you join

01:22:03.660 the court and you join the game by playing and you do so by going to order of man.com

01:22:08.540 slash iron council. And of course, follow Mr. Mickler on Instagram and Twitter at Ryan

01:22:14.600 Mickler. And don't, somebody told me the other day I should set up a tick tock account. I'm

01:22:19.480 like, I don't think I'm there yet, bro. Yeah. Do a tick tock moves. We can make up our

01:22:25.640 own order of man, uh, like tick tock dance or whatever. No, we're probably not going to do

01:22:31.120 that. I'll just come out and say that, that we're probably not going to be doing that.

01:22:36.020 Um, you got Christmas coming up. So, uh, think about the store, maybe drop the hints to the,

01:22:42.800 to the wife and your significant others. If, uh, we've seen a lot of, uh, so we've seen a lot

01:22:47.480 of orders come in from the ladies over the past couple of weeks, I will say. So yeah, late,

01:22:52.400 uh, guys that your, your ladies are getting the hint. So that's good. Keep going. Anyways,

01:22:56.560 guys, appreciate you. Great questions today. Uh, we will catch you all next week until then

01:23:02.060 go out there, take action, become a man. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:23:07.460 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:23:11.240 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - November 25, 2020

Intelligence Vs. Wisdom, the Stories We Tell Ourselves, and Staying Above the Noise During the Holidays｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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