Order of Man - Invest in Self-Improvement, Take a Year For Yourself, and Never Seek Validation ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.040 We know. And then what we try to do, and this is a page out of your playbook, Kip, is if we don't like it, we try to circle around it, we justify it, we try to logistically back out of it, even though we know that that's what we shouldn't do.

00:00:14.220 I know it sounds a little cliche, but it resonates with me, and it's this. It's always the right time to do the right thing.

00:00:21.900 so do the right thing when you exercise your intuition it becomes more predominant in your

00:00:29.460 decision-making process kip what's up man how's the week been we uh we are recording this on a

00:00:35.660 friday even though it gets released on a wednesday so how's the week been good busy um i don't know

00:00:43.300 you know how it is home ownership is the kind of the joke right it's always something to be done

00:00:48.280 I mean, you know, this, the, our second, our second place, it's actually called Sherwood

00:00:53.480 shores.

00:00:55.200 And, uh, it's really funny.

00:00:57.260 The last time we're talking with some neighbors, they're like, oh, you're, you're down visiting

00:01:01.580 Sherwood chores.

00:01:02.660 And I'm like, oh, that's better names.

00:01:06.280 Sherwood chores.

00:01:07.360 Yeah. 1.00

00:01:07.840 Cause that's all I did for the last couple of days is Molons.

00:01:11.840 And I had some shingles that needed repairing.

00:01:14.080 And it's just, I don't know.

00:01:15.820 it always seems like there's something yeah i think uh but i like it you know and and i think

00:01:21.880 you're leo get stuff done so there's something to say about being productive and and then also

00:01:27.460 well with my line of work you don't really see tangible results you know sometimes you do like

00:01:35.920 a man might say oh i got a promotion or i'm getting married or i'm having my first kid

00:01:40.800 and that stuff's really rewarding to me but it's not like i get to go use the workbench that i just

00:01:47.960 built or or you know live in the house that i constructed so there's definitely something to

00:01:54.220 be said with working with your hands because it's just they're intangible like have you ever been

00:01:58.820 like driven around with a friend who maybe is a contractor and he's like oh i help i put that

00:02:04.120 roof on or I, I installed that landscaping or I poured that concrete. And although I never really

00:02:12.240 wanted to do that, I was in landscaping for a little bit and, and I did some electrical,

00:02:16.360 I did some heating and air. I've done a lot of things. Anytime I got into that line of work,

00:02:21.300 I just, I'm like, I want to get out of this line of work, but there is something to be said. It's

00:02:26.500 very rewarding from that regard, from that aspect. Totally. I remember that's when I got the bug

00:02:33.400 around being a software engineer is I remember I built this real estate tracking app. It was for

00:02:41.840 managing tenants. And I remember the first time I walked, I was walking down the hallway

00:02:46.780 and I saw someone with my app up on their PC and they were using it. And I remember,

00:02:53.280 that's cool. Yeah. Like, look at that. You know, like they weren't using it because they just

00:02:57.820 showed it to them. They were just using it in their day-to-day job. And I was like,

00:03:00.940 that's cool you know i feel that way to a lesser degree probably when i see somebody wearing an

00:03:06.780 order of man hat or an order of man shirt or i'll be driving down the road and i see a decal on the

00:03:11.360 back of somebody's pickup and i'm like hell yeah that's awesome yeah yeah totally or you know we

00:03:16.800 had a preview call last week of in the iron council you know i'm sure those preview calls

00:03:22.240 i mean they make me feel good it's not even my org right is these guys sharing and kind of pouring

00:03:27.840 into other guys about what they're getting out of the iron council it's like yeah it's working

00:03:33.580 isn't that awesome you know it's making a difference it's funny though when somebody

00:03:38.620 is wearing a shirt i usually approach them like dude that's a i'd like the shirt i usually say

00:03:43.640 something like that like oh that's a cool shirt and it's uninteresting because quite often people

00:03:51.060 be like oh yeah it's this cool podcast i listen to and i idea i kind of play along with it i say

00:03:57.220 oh what's it about and they'll tell me and they'll give me their pitch i'm like man that sounds

00:04:02.760 pretty cool like who's the host and i kind of lead it into that and then i and i'm like that's

00:04:08.820 my podcast and usually they look at me like wait what like you like that podcast i'm like no it's

00:04:14.520 my like that's me i'm the yeah i'm ryan they're like wait what and it's always a pretty funny

00:04:20.820 joke that's funny yeah that's funny well i've had um no joke my daughter's a freshman in in high

00:04:29.480 school and this boy that she likes that she's kind of hanging out with um i don't know remember how

00:04:36.980 it came up but he's like your dad's on the order man podcast huh and kika's like why and she's like

00:04:45.860 i listen to that sometimes his i know his voice and i'm like all right now i gotta be watching

00:04:51.860 what we say a little bit more than normal yeah because you know age is not going to listen to

00:04:57.240 it but if her boyfriend's listening to it then totally trouble and these boys are impacting my

00:05:02.280 daughter so now the stakes just got really high yeah you know that that reminds me years ago

00:05:08.140 um we had a question that came in on this podcast and i and i don't remember exactly but

00:05:14.920 it was a father that has a daughter who was dating somebody that he didn't like

00:05:22.800 and he said how do i how do i deal with this kid he's he's a punk he's young he's a punk and i'm

00:05:29.660 like i already know the answer i remember this i told him i said you better treat him like your

00:05:34.400 son because he might be yeah so you put your arm around him and you lean into him you pour into him

00:05:41.180 you serve him you straighten him out when he needs to be straightened out you talk to him like a man

00:05:46.100 and you bring him under your wing and you love on him like you would love a son because he might

00:05:51.040 actually become a son and there's nothing you can do about it other than be a good influence in his

00:05:56.160 life so and what are you doing setting the tone setting the standard yeah i mean even depending

00:06:02.860 on how you show up he might self-select and go oh man this standard is pretty high from this guy

00:06:09.080 you know, like maybe I can't, maybe I'm unwilling, you know, maybe I'll back out, you know? So

00:06:14.100 yeah. Yeah. Cool. Well, I'm sure we've got a lot of other questions, so let's jump into them, man.

00:06:21.640 Yeah, absolutely. So we're going to, we got some questions from the Facebook group as well as the

00:06:26.460 iron council, uh, which, which is our exclusive brotherhood. Well, I'm sure we'll have opportunities

00:06:30.820 to talk about what we do in the IC throughout this call. Um, so Todd Martinez, uh, one of our

00:06:37.060 battle team mentors, uh, in a kind of a pivotal role within the iron council, his question last

00:06:42.920 week, you talked about approval seeking and how it can negatively affect our sovereignty.

00:06:49.580 Likeability. Can you take you, uh, likeability can take you far in business and relationships.

00:06:55.560 How can a guy know he's crossed over to, from being likable to approval seeking?

00:07:02.820 Hmm. That's an interesting question. And I have kind of a different perspective than

00:07:06.940 a lot of people do on the approval seeking thing or the likability factor. I actually believe that

00:07:12.300 there's some people that you should be very concerned with their approval of your performance

00:07:17.460 and the way you show up. You know, I, I, for example, I really care about how my kids think

00:07:23.500 about me because if they don't think highly of me and there's been plenty of times where they

00:07:29.160 haven't, then I can't be influential in their lives. And I think one of the questions last week

00:07:34.440 was from a guy who said how do i how do i raise my kids in this environment where they're being

00:07:42.260 taught all this degenerate dangerous ideology it's like well yours has to be the loudest voice

00:07:47.540 and in order for it to be the loudest voice you have to be the most influential and in order for

00:07:52.040 you to be the most influential you have to be the one who's the most trusted and in order to be the

00:07:57.000 most trusted you have to be the most liked even and i'm not saying that you can't be harsh or

00:08:04.040 discipline where needed, but you have to be somebody who they admire and love and respect

00:08:09.660 and appreciate. Since the same thing with my business partners with you, Kip, I care about

00:08:15.100 your opinion of me. It's crazy to me that there's an idea that permeates that says, well, if you

00:08:22.100 don't like it, that's your problem. No, that's my problem. If the people I'm trying to lead

00:08:26.740 don't like and trust me, that's my problem. And it's the same thing with my clients and the people

00:08:33.100 listening to this podcast, if I didn't care about what they thought of me, I wouldn't show up

00:08:37.320 prepared for this conversation. I wouldn't have the microphones and the audio equipment and the

00:08:42.420 visual stuff behind me because it just wouldn't matter, but it does. And I think that's really

00:08:48.120 important, which leads into the answer to the question, what is the motive of building, we'll

00:08:57.000 just call it building influence. Is it to prop myself up? Is it to make myself feel better to

00:09:04.740 step on other people to get mine at the expense of others? Or is it to serve other people?

00:09:11.140 That's the line. And I can't tell you if you do this one thing, then you've crossed over the line,

00:09:16.060 but I would really have somebody consider what their motive is. If your motive is I'm doing this,

00:09:23.720 I'm showing up powerfully I'm coming prepared uh I'm I'm building rapport and trust with my people

00:09:31.320 because I want to serve them then that's a good motive if it's I just want to feel good I want

00:09:40.880 to feel important I want to feel valued I want the accolades I want the notoriety then you've

00:09:46.900 cross the line. I think that's pretty understandable. And let me ask you, Kip,

00:09:52.540 in what ways, very granular, very specific, in what ways might you be able to tell

00:10:00.880 if your motive is off? Do you have any ideas there?

00:10:04.560 Absolutely. I think if it's not tied to something outside of me, then I know it's about me.

00:10:11.500 but what would be the warning sign? Like what would be, is it something that you would say?

00:10:17.080 Is it some sort of behavior you might be engaged in? Yeah. I think it's, it's when my man, I don't

00:10:25.020 know. Like the, what comes to mind is that, I don't know. Let, let me run with this and you can

00:10:33.520 tell me if you can relate to this or not, but I feel like if it's really focused on me, then

00:10:39.400 there's this heightened sense of concern. There's more stress actually when it's about me,

00:10:44.900 there's less stress when it's outside of me. Like I use the example of, um, you know, as you know,

00:10:51.180 we both, we both have many opportunities to speak in, into, in front of large audiences

00:10:56.680 and the times when I'm the most nervous, it's because I'm worried about me. I'm worried about

00:11:05.660 seeking the approval and looking good. And it's about me. It's not about the influence and the

00:11:12.240 message. Once I get connected to, whoa, this isn't about me. This is about me influencing them. It's

00:11:19.660 about me presenting opportunities for others to see something for themselves. It's not as

00:11:25.460 stressful, which is really interesting. So maybe the trigger is if I feel this heightened level of

00:11:31.880 stress, I'm probably making it more about me than them. I think that's good. Yeah. I think that

00:11:40.380 that stress level. Yeah. So I wrote a couple of things down here too. So number one for me is

00:11:45.480 if you start to fall into the comparison trap, because that was a conversation from last week

00:11:49.580 as well, then you know, you're, you're being self-absorbed and I'm not saying it's always

00:11:56.380 bad. I'm just saying that's a little red flag that you might be aware that you're more concerned

00:12:00.400 with your appearance and how you look and um your status than you are actually serving people it

00:12:06.280 might not necessarily be that but it's something to consider and the other one and this is a pet

00:12:12.420 peeve that i have and i probably i probably do it but when i hear other people do it it just

00:12:19.940 irks me and it's anytime you're in a team setting and in order and and when you're taking credit

00:12:28.920 for something maybe it's building something or picking up a new client or completing a task

00:12:34.020 you use the words me mine i i hate that it's it bothers me it's like wait you've got five people

00:12:45.680 here that are on your team and you're talking about this project and you're talking about

00:12:50.880 my oh yeah my idea was to do this and i really did this thing to implement it's like no the other

00:12:56.640 five people on the team did this together. We all did it. So I would be very careful of those words

00:13:03.920 in the context of credit. And what they ought to be replaced with is we and ours and us. So catch

00:13:13.360 yourself doing that because I've done that in the past and I probably still do it to some degree.

00:13:18.560 But when it comes to credit, make sure you're including, it's a collective thing. And if,

00:13:24.660 because if you're saying i mean mine you're trying to position yourself above other people 0.50

00:13:29.720 and it's it's gross actually it's what's the term you use icky yucky what do you say yeah

00:13:35.720 real technical term icky so just a couple things to be aware of ryan do you feel like this is

00:13:45.580 something that is just a constant struggle though right like this is something this isn't like do

00:13:51.720 these two things, you're good to go. It's this constant fluctuation and battle of making sure

00:13:58.680 that the ego isn't driving the direction of what you're doing and that it's actually something

00:14:03.980 else. Cause that's kind of what we're talking about, right? Isn't that what we're talking

00:14:06.880 about is don't let you're not letting the ego drive what you're doing and making sure that

00:14:12.440 it's about the team or it's about a bigger purpose and kind of losing yourself in it.

00:14:16.880 most of most of character development is perpetual it probably all of it

00:14:25.840 yeah it's it's not it's not static there's no end point it's not some achievement that you

00:14:31.800 unlock and you never have to worry about it again it's not like running a race you run the race and

00:14:36.280 then you're finished it's the race is over you hit the finish line the end it's something that

00:14:41.600 you continually have to be vigilant about because of the concept that we've talked about, Kip,

00:14:48.220 this natural man. And the natural man is weak. He's lazy. He's immediate gratification. He's

00:14:55.520 vain. He's egotistical. He wants all the results without the effort. And that natural man never 0.98

00:15:02.300 goes away. In fact, what's funny about it, maybe not funny, but interesting to me, is that it's

00:15:08.240 biologically hardwired into you for a real purpose, by the way, to be that natural man.

00:15:14.280 When we started walking this earth thousands, tens, if not hundreds of thousands of years ago,

00:15:19.560 your job was survival as a human being, a homo sapien. And in order to survive,

00:15:26.120 you need to really do just about two things at the most basic level.

00:15:30.040 You need to consume as many calories as possible and expend as few as possible.

00:15:35.260 so our biological hardwiring is training you to be lazy it's training you to be gluttonous

00:15:43.480 it's training you to maybe want to take from somebody else because that's way easier than

00:15:48.500 acquiring it yourself it is it is in your dna to be the natural man and it isn't until we start

00:15:54.980 thinking of ourselves as elevated men that we constantly fight against that natural man and

00:16:02.040 that's why i call it a battle some guys are like well is it really a battle no not in the literal

00:16:06.160 sense i'm not going i'm not putting on my shield and my armor every day and going to with my sword

00:16:12.520 or my pistol to kill the enemy that's that's not what i'm talking about it's a battle every day

00:16:17.780 with your natural self and it's a difficult battle and it never ends yeah well and depending 0.99

00:16:26.020 on how life is going we can move down that pyramid from maslow's hierarchy of needs and that shit's 0.95

00:16:31.960 going to turn into a battle real quick if we're down at the bottom, right? And life is getting 0.98

00:16:37.500 difficult and we're in survival mode, then absolutely, right? You're going to want to be

00:16:42.620 maybe a little bit more self-centered and focused to you. Well, and you can even look at crime rates

00:16:47.320 and statistics, poverty stricken areas of higher rates of crime, drug abuse, domestic violence,

00:16:53.200 fill in the blank. Why? Because they're fighting for survival. They're not elevating. They're not

00:16:58.800 elevating themselves and some people will say well no it's because you have money and you can

00:17:02.920 afford nicer things no no people often talk about homelessness being a housing crisis no it's a it's

00:17:11.160 a drug problem it's a mental illness crisis if if i gave well and you could mark my words right now

00:17:18.780 i think it's it's i want to say it's seattle it might be portland oregon they're pretty much the

00:17:23.680 same twin cities of desperation and despair um they they just created these housing containers

00:17:32.840 they're like 70 square foot housing containers and they spent millions and millions of taxpayer

00:17:38.320 dollars to try to get people off the streets it'll work for a week it definitely will but

00:17:44.680 those people are going to thrash those units they're going to bring their drugs into their 1.00

00:17:49.120 units. There's going to be violence because they're all congregating together. Um, it's,

00:17:54.960 it's not going to go over well. And that's a little experiment. Mark my words in the next

00:17:58.800 two to three months, that will be a failed project because it's not the issue. The issue is

00:18:04.880 they haven't addressed the basic needs of living. Yeah. I mean, you're not elevating the individual,

00:18:11.620 right? It's just a bandaid, right? Until you elevate people so they can be self-directed

00:18:18.500 in their improvement, then everything's going to be a short-term win.

00:18:23.080 I actually heard somebody that was critical of billionaires. That seems to be a growing trend,

00:18:29.460 which I don't, I can't even wrap my head around that. But she had said that if you took away all

00:18:35.540 of the billionaires' money within a very short period of time, they would have, they'd be

00:18:40.660 billionaires again. Of course they would. And she was saying, but I'm willing to give it a shot,

00:18:45.240 you know and and she was being a little tongue-in-cheek and you know she hates she hates

00:18:49.760 abundance but she's not wrong if you took all of the billionaires money away within a very short

00:18:55.980 period of time they'd all have it back why because it's not about the money it's about the skill set

00:18:59.800 it's about the mindsets it's about the skill sets it's about the connections people like that have

00:19:04.600 it's um we have to address the real problems not the symptom of the problem it might not even be

00:19:11.720 a symptom sometimes it's a completely uncorrelated symptom uh people do this all the time with

00:19:17.100 immutable characteristics it has nothing to do with immutable characteristics it might have to

00:19:22.540 do with a culture right so why relative to the amount of white people in this country do black 0.76

00:19:29.160 people commit a disproportionate amount of the crime is it because of the color of their skin

00:19:33.940 not no no it's because of the culture yeah that's it so it's um it's kind of interesting stuff

00:19:42.500 all right julian sapovita do you budget an annual fixed amount or percentage to

00:19:50.760 self-development tools and education if so how do you come to that number

00:19:54.720 i don't know that i that i i don't do that uh but i have done that in the past where i will take

00:20:02.160 20%. Actually, yeah, about, I would say about 15 to 20%. As a, as a previous financial advisor,

00:20:09.540 I really tried to save a lot of money. And part of it was to go to passive investments,

00:20:14.600 you know, the stock market, real estate, business stuff. And then other parts of it was self

00:20:19.500 development. So what I would, what I would encourage you to do is to start with whatever

00:20:25.000 you can and self development might mean going to the library and picking up a free library card.

00:20:32.160 or it might be paying $10 a month or whatever it is for an audible subscription,

00:20:38.380 or it might be spending 10,000 a year on an executive coaching program or spending a couple

00:20:46.800 grand and going to an event or paying $97 a month and joining the iron council. There's varying

00:20:52.400 degrees of investment in yourself. And all of those are investments in yourself. Some people

00:20:57.420 will say, well, I can't afford that. You, what can't you afford? You can't afford to go to the

00:21:02.940 library. You can't afford to listen to podcasts on your commute that are free. You can't afford

00:21:08.840 to spend a little time reading at the end of the night before you go to bed. What is it that you

00:21:12.760 can't afford? Because all of those are free. But what I would do like anything is start with what

00:21:19.820 you have, where you are right now. And if all you can do is say, Hey, you know what? I'm just going

00:21:23.800 to buy a $10 Audible subscription and I'm going to listen to two books a month. Cool. Do it. But

00:21:30.200 do it with the intent to learn what you need to learn and also do it with the intent to increase

00:21:35.220 that level. And that's the most important thing. It's not what is the dollar amount. It's the fact

00:21:40.180 that next month or in the six months or whatever it might be, instead of spending $10, maybe make

00:21:46.180 it a goal. Hey, I'm going to spend $50 every month for the next quarter on self-development.

00:21:50.560 and then the following quarter 75 following quarter 100 maybe next year you get up to a

00:21:55.800 thousand dollars a month in self-development but the biggest thing is not where you're starting

00:22:00.520 it's the fact that you're progressing so figure it out lock it in right now if it's ten dollars

00:22:05.820 great next month maybe it's 20 next year maybe it's 100 a month but that that would be where

00:22:11.340 i would focus as opposed to what is the dollar amount i should be spending yeah yeah totally

00:22:16.380 And I love that you gave us scales of this, right? I mean, it's like intentionality, right? Your investment might just be time. It might just be a library card. But the point is, are you prioritizing it, whatever it is? And I would say where possible, identify the outcome of what winning is, right?

00:22:37.800 So if you hired a coach, I would say, okay, how do we know the coaching is working over

00:22:43.580 the next three months?

00:22:44.940 What's the outcome that you're expecting from that investment and get really clear on that.

00:22:50.220 And the same thing, even with the iron council, right?

00:22:52.400 So you guys that join us in the, in the iron council, you should get clear, right?

00:22:57.600 And we do get clear.

00:22:58.660 That's part of the systems that we have is what's the objective.

00:23:01.700 What am I planning to achieve at the end of this quarter?

00:23:04.360 And is it working?

00:23:05.580 that's an outward expression of making sure that your investment is has a an associated roi to it

00:23:12.900 and and i love that in the ic we literally do that as part of our system that's how you know

00:23:18.060 it's working or not and that's why guys can hop on preview calls or have conversations and say

00:23:23.660 it's working why because they're measuring whether it's working or not on a regular basis

00:23:28.080 we have a new self-assessment tool that i should have ready next week and it's it's self-assessment

00:23:34.880 so it's not going to be perfect it's not scientific but it's five questions in each

00:23:39.860 one of the quadrants that guys go through and then they give themselves a score and they can

00:23:44.420 get up to 100 100 points so the five questions were five points each 25 times four quadrants

00:23:50.600 there's your 100 points so you go in and you write down what your score is and then you keep that

00:23:56.480 with you and then you work your battle plan we won't get too deep into that today and then next

00:24:00.980 quarter, at the start of next quarter, you do the self-assessment again. Are you two points more,

00:24:05.160 two points less, 10 points more? What worked well? What didn't? What do I need to change in order to

00:24:09.960 improve my performance for next month or next quarter? Having those self-assessment tools is

00:24:15.480 really valuable. And then I would also say one of the challenges with self-development is it's not

00:24:21.620 always real tangible. There are a few elements of it. So if I start getting in shape, you can measure

00:24:26.760 that, right? How much weight did you lose? What's your body fat percentage? Did your lifts go up?

00:24:32.100 Did your runtime go down? Does your blood work look better? Your business and your finances?

00:24:38.960 Do you have more clients than you did last month? Are you making more revenue? Do you have less

00:24:42.860 debt? What's your tax liability? It's very tangible. It's easy to wrap your head and

00:24:46.900 hands around those things. But the one, well, there's quite a few actually that are hard.

00:24:52.300 And this is where you need to be a little creative.

00:24:54.380 How do you measure spirituality?

00:24:57.600 Because a lot of guys come to the iron council and they say,

00:25:00.020 I want to build a closer relationship with God.

00:25:02.540 I think that's worthwhile.

00:25:04.520 What does it mean to you?

00:25:05.640 Like, how does, how do you actually measure that?

00:25:07.900 Or a lot of men will say, well, I want to be a better father, worthy goal.

00:25:12.440 Absolutely.

00:25:12.840 You should be a better father.

00:25:13.960 What does that mean?

00:25:14.960 How does it look?

00:25:15.980 How are you going to know?

00:25:16.920 And the best thing that you can do in those situations is create a tracking system.

00:25:25.280 So spirituality, let's take some metrics of spirituality. Maybe it's how closely the

00:25:33.520 connection is between you and God. Do you feel his presence in your life? And then you do it

00:25:39.020 on a scale from one to five. Another element of spirituality is how often are you praying?

00:25:45.220 and you give yourself a scale from one to five.

00:25:49.000 How often do you go to church?

00:25:50.460 How often are you fellowshipping other people?

00:25:52.460 How often are you reading your scriptures?

00:25:54.220 How often do you feel at peace throughout the day?

00:25:57.980 These are all ways to measure spirituality

00:25:59.960 and then you put a number to it.

00:26:02.480 And let's say you got 50 out of 100.

00:26:06.220 Great, measure yourself, have goals,

00:26:09.300 have things that you wanna do, objectives,

00:26:10.800 and then measure yourself next quarter.

00:26:12.980 And if it's higher, you know you're doing better.

00:26:15.220 yeah i like it i like it hey and if you guys want to join us in the iron council that's

00:26:20.840 theironcouncil.com to sign up and learn more about what we're doing there all right roger

00:26:26.240 bears what's an unpopular opinion that you have

00:26:30.700 pick one ryan doesn't have any unpopular opinions at all

00:26:35.940 the real question is unpopular to who that's the real question right is i have all sorts of 1.00

00:26:45.160 unpopular opinions with feminists and liberals and government officials. Probably all of my 1.00

00:26:54.400 opinions are unpopular to those people, which I would say, find your tribe or build your tribe

00:27:00.780 of people. Look, I'm not telling you to create an echo chamber. I have a lot of insight that comes

00:27:06.800 in from outside of my circle. But when it comes to the important matters of self-development,

00:27:11.900 self-growth, leading my family, I turn to my inner circle. When it comes to rounding out my

00:27:17.220 thought process and the information I receive, I try to be a little bit more well-rounded

00:27:23.720 in my approach in that. But yeah, I mean, unpopular opinion. Men and women are different.

00:27:29.680 There's only two sexes. Gender and sex are closely related, if not relate completely the same thing, 0.92

00:27:35.860 synonyms um i mean every it just seems like every righteous thing is unpopular these days

00:27:46.420 yeah yeah yeah i can't think of one in particular that someone would be surprised about i'm pretty

00:27:53.540 vocal about for better or worse here's one people won't like this but i actually think it takes more

00:28:02.900 than just a piece of paper to actually call yourself an American. And I had made a post

00:28:07.820 about that. And a lot of people were upset with me. I do like same thing with being a man. You

00:28:13.900 might be biologically a male and we use the word man for that. But I think it takes more than just

00:28:20.040 biology to actually be a man. And I feel the same way about being American. If you're here legally

00:28:29.480 in this country and you've done it the right way or you were born here yes technically you are an

00:28:36.820 american but if you don't espouse american ideals if you hate liberty righteousness truth justice

00:28:44.680 the pursuit of freedom you're not an american at heart you're just an american on paper and i think

00:28:51.480 there's a distinction between the two and i think as americans we ought to be very aware of that and

00:28:55.900 not allow people into this country who don't espouse the american ideals now look i'm all for

00:29:01.540 debating how we administer that right i we should be debating that we should be talking about what

00:29:08.840 is the best way for citizens to pursue liberty and and happiness we should discuss that but what's

00:29:15.440 not open for discussion is are we able to pursue liberty and justice so that might be unpopular i

00:29:23.300 know it is because i made that post the other day and people cried to me about it dude i love that

00:29:28.220 idea in fact it's it's almost like if if you don't read the constitution and if you're not like

00:29:34.820 inspired like excited then then you're not an american that that should absolutely inspire you

00:29:42.800 and you should get like excited when you're living in a country that's based upon those ideals right

00:29:50.640 well people people when i make claims like this people will often say well you don't just don't

00:29:57.160 want to hear dissenting opinions no that's not no that's not what i'm saying i'm saying that

00:30:03.180 certain things in my mind i'm not the supreme authority on it but in my mind there are things

00:30:11.900 that are not subject to interpretation yeah it's just as simple as that you know here's an

00:30:17.860 interesting story. Years and years ago, my ex in-laws had a foreign exchange student stay with

00:30:24.980 them. She was from Thailand and she was, she was amazing. She was brilliant. She was funny. Like

00:30:30.380 the whole family really liked her and she just jived really well with the community and with

00:30:35.020 the family. And I went over to their house one day and she was studying flashcards of U.S.

00:30:41.920 presidents. And she asked me if she could challenge me. And I'm like, oh, great. Like,

00:30:47.220 yeah sure let's do it and she knew all of them and i knew like five

00:30:52.060 it's pretty sad and i've done nothing about that by the way but it's pretty sad that people who

00:31:01.400 come to this country and do it legally and who are excited about the american dream and what it

00:31:05.800 might mean for them that they know more about this country than us about our founding charting

00:31:13.360 charter documents about our our our revolutionary history about the wars we've engaged in about

00:31:20.340 when certain uh policies were implemented when certain land was purchased people outside of 0.91

00:31:28.440 the country know more about it than us and that's pathetic that is really pathetic and i'm and i'm 0.88

00:31:33.960 guilty of it but it is pathetic well and i not to riff too much but i love that story because 0.90

00:31:41.980 what is it? It's someone being intentional about their situation versus sometimes when we're brought

00:31:49.920 up into something, we just go along to get along. I even think about people that are raised within

00:31:55.420 a religion. They'll be like, oh, I believe this, but they didn't choose it. They didn't pause in

00:32:01.300 their life and go, is this what I am choosing? And make a conscious choice to take that on.

00:32:08.520 and you may have been born and raised in America and quote unquote being American,

00:32:13.120 but have you chosen, have you chosen to be American? If you did, you would probably approach

00:32:21.040 it differently, right? You would probably read up on things, right? But you're just kind of going

00:32:25.780 you're being passive with it. And I think we all have an opportunity in life where we might find

00:32:31.560 ourselves being passive in our marriage, being passive as a citizen of America, being passive

00:32:37.160 in our religion. And what's awesome is at any moment we can say, you know what? No,

00:32:41.580 I'm not going to be passive. I'm going to choose this. And I'm going to be intentional about how

00:32:45.980 I show up. You use the word passive. And I think it totally makes sense. I would use the word

00:32:50.920 complacent and maybe we're just, you know, speaking over each other on that one a little bit. But

00:32:56.180 another funny story is sometime last year, I live in Southern Utah. It's beautiful.

00:33:03.960 we have 20 minutes from the base of zion national park we've got beautiful red rock it's high desert

00:33:09.940 so it's not real lush and green but this red desert rock it looks like mars and it's cliff

00:33:16.500 it's it's beautiful yeah and when the sunset or the sunrise hits the red cliffs it just it glows

00:33:24.560 it's incredible and there's a convenience store that i go to that's right next to the gym that

00:33:30.340 i work out at and so in the morning i'll go work out and then i'll i'll drive over to the

00:33:35.480 convenience store and i'll usually get a red bull that's my vice i get a red bull and get my energy

00:33:40.360 for the morning so i get i roll into this gas station after the workout and i'm tired and i

00:33:46.100 see this sprinter type van 15 pack van or sprinter van and a big group like 10 to 12 asians jump out

00:33:55.280 of this and and a lot of asian people come to southern utah for zion national park a lot of

00:34:00.460 europeans come for the park as well but this big group of asian people men and women young kids

00:34:06.640 jumps out and they're just chattering and smiling and like laughing and like they're taking pictures

00:34:14.580 of something off in the distance and i immediately i'm like what are they taking a picture of

00:34:21.100 and I look over and it's Pine Valley,

00:34:24.680 which is one of the big, bigger mountain ranges

00:34:26.840 here in the area.

00:34:28.000 And the sun is just hitting those cliffs just right.

00:34:32.480 And like I said, it is glowing.

00:34:34.800 And I've seen it a thousand times.

00:34:36.920 Every morning I see it.

00:34:38.180 In fact, my gym has floor to ceiling windows

00:34:41.200 that overlooks Pine Valley.

00:34:42.840 I see it every day.

00:34:45.560 And I never took a picture of it like that.

00:34:49.000 And when I looked over and I saw what they were taking,

00:34:51.020 you a picture of, I was like, oh yeah, that's actually, that's actually pretty cool. But that's

00:34:57.120 the complacency. Same thing with your wife, you know, and I've, I fell prey to this, you know,

00:35:02.120 you're married for any amount of time and you think I've got things locked down. She's not

00:35:06.040 going anywhere. You know, date night starts slipping away. You start having fewer and fewer

00:35:10.900 conversations. And before you know it, you're completely distant. You feel like roommates are

00:35:16.620 worse. And it just, it happens. You got to be vigilant. Yeah, totally. Nick McElroy,

00:35:26.460 McElroy, what's your advice to men who live their lives in a society of instant gratification

00:35:32.660 via social media and who have lost the ability to look inward and rely on their instincts and

00:35:38.980 intuition, judgment, intuitive judgment, sorry.

00:35:44.720 Hmm. My first response that I was thinking is if you're talking about somebody else,

00:35:52.380 there's not really a whole lot you can do until they recognize it themselves.

00:35:56.540 Yeah. I mean, you can talk with your kids, you can talk with your friends about why instant

00:36:01.740 gratification is not going to serve them. But I mean, when you look around and you see people

00:36:06.940 driving brand new 100 000 plus dollar trucks and you know they can't afford it it's hard to tell

00:36:12.240 that person hey you shouldn't do that why shouldn't they do that they got this new truck everybody's

00:36:16.880 telling them how cool it is they feel better but how are you going to compete with that

00:36:21.120 now if you're talking about it for yourself that's something to be aware of and what i would say

00:36:28.420 especially as it relates to the intuition you just need to listen to it more it's the same

00:36:35.100 question is asking me, how do I build bigger biceps? You use your biceps more. You train it

00:36:42.240 more. How do I become a better public speaker? You do more public speaking. How do I become a

00:36:48.560 better listener? You listen more than you talk. The answer is, or the question is the answer.

00:36:57.140 So how do you develop intuition? You, you exercise it more, or you, I should say you act on it when

00:37:04.000 you have a feeling, do it immediately. As long as it's not catastrophic, right? Like if you're

00:37:10.260 thinking I should jump off that bridge, probably, you know, probably don't do that. I won't throw

00:37:14.580 that caveat into that. And I guess what I would say is the severity of the consequences ought to

00:37:21.800 determine somewhat the amount of time you spend pondering and contemplating. But I'd argue that

00:37:27.340 most of us get this premonition. I would call it divine guidance. And we know, we know.

00:37:36.280 And then what we try to do, and this is a page out of your playbook, Kip, is if we don't like it,

00:37:41.900 we try to circle around it. We justify it. We try to logistically back out of it, even though we

00:37:47.320 know that that's what we should be doing. I was talking on the Friday call for Iron Council this

00:37:52.420 morning and i know it sounds a little cliche but it resonates with me and and and it's this

00:37:58.180 it's always the right time to do the right thing

00:38:02.100 so do the right thing and the beauty of that is

00:38:09.520 i'm trying to think of a an analogy or a way i can explain this better

00:38:14.380 when you exercise your intuition it becomes more predominant in your decision making process

00:38:22.300 and again i think this is divine guidance in a way it's kind of like the parable of the talents

00:38:30.060 if if you guys have read that where the master gives the man who goes out and uses his talents

00:38:37.520 effectively to multiply them and to serve other people he get he actually takes from the one who

00:38:43.180 buried his and gives to the one who actually went out and deployed it and i think the same thing is

00:38:48.800 true of your inspiration and your insight is if you use that and exercise it, then you will be

00:38:57.020 given more insight because it's evident that you're actually going to lean on it. So that's

00:39:02.600 how I look at it. I love it. Mara Jin Oosterveld. I'm 37 years old. I got divorced from my eight-year

00:39:13.820 old. I got divorced from my eight year marriage. We were together for 17 years. She got the house

00:39:21.240 and I sold everything and temporarily moved back in with my parents. I have no debt and I have a

00:39:25.960 blank canvas. What is your opinion on taking an adult gap year to travel and et cetera? How could

00:39:33.120 I use it to refine my bearings and, uh, but prevent myself from drifting? Um, yeah, if you're in the

00:39:42.680 position to do that i would definitely do that yeah if you're not married i'm assuming you don't

00:39:48.980 have kids because you would have said that if that were the case uh or maybe you did say that

00:39:53.440 maybe i missed that um no responsibility as far as like financial obligations you know the only

00:39:59.000 thing that you would have to consider you're if you've been together with somebody for 17 years

00:40:03.440 you're probably what 40 at least yeah so 37 oh you did say that okay so what's your

00:40:13.400 like what's your job situation you know if you were to leave is that going to ruin and mess up

00:40:19.440 a career that's something to consider not saying you shouldn't but it's definitely something to

00:40:23.140 consider uh but so i would say i would say yes if if you can do it financially and from a

00:40:30.300 responsibility standpoint, absolutely. 100%. You should go do that. Would you agree with that

00:40:36.400 first before I give them a couple ideas here? Absolutely. Absolutely. I think it's a great

00:40:41.620 idea. And, and the definition of gap year, that could be anything that could mean I'm going to

00:40:47.360 temporarily work remotely from a different country, but there's some value in this idea of a reset.

00:40:54.400 So absolutely. Now what it looks like, it could be a different, a number of different things.

00:40:59.340 yeah and i i would be careful of calling it a gap year because when i when i think of gap year what

00:41:06.000 i think of is i wasted my time for a year wallowing in my own self-pity and i hope that's

00:41:12.700 not what you're doing it doesn't sound like you are you're being very deliberate and intentional

00:41:16.020 about it but the first thing i would do in in this situation is to go back to what you said earlier

00:41:22.140 kip what are you trying to accomplish that's the first thing you need to know if you want to go

00:41:29.540 tour the world where are you going to go and why is it because you want to see other cultures you

00:41:35.360 want to learn how other cultures work you want to get a different perspective and if it is a

00:41:39.500 different perspective what kind of perspective are you are you aiming for is it spiritual

00:41:43.260 right a lot of guys will go on spiritual sabbaticals okay that makes sense you have a

00:41:48.720 goal. You're going to go visit Buddhist monks and Roman Catholicism and Islam. And you're going to

00:41:57.980 go tour all of these places and learn about religion and spirituality. Okay, that's good.

00:42:03.980 You should do that because you have a goal. I would not start doing this until you had a clear

00:42:08.440 goal. Or let's say you have this, I don't know what your job is, but let's say you're in

00:42:13.220 manufacturing. And you want to tour the world because you have this really cool idea for

00:42:19.380 bringing back American manufacturing. And so you're going to tour to destinations. And I don't

00:42:24.180 know what those are because I'm not in the world, but let's say Denmark or Japan or Germany,

00:42:29.620 you know, German engineering. We think about that a lot. Go to the places that are going to

00:42:35.280 relate to what you're trying to accomplish, because that's going to give you a better time

00:42:39.860 learning whatever it is you're trying to learn and however it is you're trying to develop your

00:42:43.760 life. If it's learning about health and wellness, you know, maybe you do go to some Asian country

00:42:51.100 where they're notorious for longevity of life. There's areas called blue zones in the world

00:42:58.300 where people live historically healthier, longer lives. And if you're on a health crusade,

00:43:03.760 go to those places. They know what they're doing. Figure it out. Enlist in workshops and other

00:43:09.200 places that are going to help you achieve your goals. But that's what I would say is like, don't

00:43:12.960 wing it. Unless, unless winging it is your goal. Like, I don't know. I just want to fly by the

00:43:18.900 seat of my pants. I'm going to get a one-way ticket to every place I go and just stay there

00:43:23.380 for three weeks and learn as much as I can. That's kind of a goal in and of itself too.

00:43:29.900 Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I'm just curious. What would you do?

00:43:35.020 Ooh, yeah. What comes to mind for you?

00:43:39.200 I, I would really love to tour. Are you saying like, where would I go or what would be my goal?

00:43:45.600 Yeah. Like all of a sudden, both, like all of a sudden life changes, no responsibilities.

00:43:52.760 You have a reset year. What, what's something that comes to mind that gets you excited? Like,

00:43:58.200 you're like, that would be awesome. I think I would really like to immerse myself in the work

00:44:03.300 of different cultures. So it, I would go to Africa and work with professional hunters in Africa

00:44:12.160 or, or, or, or, um, uh, I don't know what the equivalent is, but like fish and game where

00:44:18.980 they're tracking down poachers. It's like, cool. I would want to go do that. Or I'd want to go

00:44:24.460 build a school somewhere for impoverished people. Um, or, you know, I'd want to go to,

00:44:32.020 man i actually really haven't thought a whole lot about what i would do but uh oh here's one go to

00:44:38.280 japan and learn about their their building process i can't remember what it's called where they

00:44:43.500 connect odd shaped joints together like learning i would want to go with a carpenter and and learn

00:44:49.920 japanese traditional architecture um yeah that's what i that's what i would do like try to immerse

00:44:57.100 myself in the work of men and in other cultures and see what their life is like. Yeah. That'd be

00:45:03.040 fun. That'd be fun. You know, one thing is coming to mind. I'd love to go to, um, spend like six

00:45:09.520 months in just Thailand and just train every day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That would be cool. That'd be

00:45:19.860 fun. All right. Justin Lott, what would be the best way to show your progress of being better

00:45:27.400 to someone aside from writing it down? So the key is showing your progress to someone else.

00:45:33.080 The individual doesn't see the changes because changes are small improvements and only wishes

00:45:38.980 big changes done yesterday. So a little bit of this, it sounds like Justin's on his path of

00:45:44.720 progression. He feels like he's progressing. He wants to show this progress to someone else.

00:45:50.380 Maybe some advice around all of that, but I, why? What, like, why do you, why do you want to show

00:46:00.600 them? Is it so they'll pat you on the back and say, good boy for doing what you should have been

00:46:05.140 doing all along. And I'm not even being accusatory. I've, I've been there and I've had to ask myself,

00:46:11.700 why am I trying to get the praise and notoriety from other people? And I get it, especially if

00:46:17.360 it's somebody close to you, your wife, maybe you and your wife are having a hard time and you're

00:46:21.020 like, Hey babe, I'm making progress. I want you to see it. I tend to lean. I tend to lean more

00:46:27.260 towards letting your actions speak for themselves. People know people recognize it and they may not

00:46:34.740 acknowledge it. And I'll tell you why people don't always acknowledge it. It's not necessarily that

00:46:39.280 they don't see it. It might be that they're skeptical. Yeah. Right. You've got a track

00:46:45.060 record of behaving one way. You've changed over the past two weeks, three weeks, month, 90 days,

00:46:51.500 whatever. And they're skeptical. So why should they praise you for doing the thing that you

00:46:57.220 should have been doing all along when they're not even sure it's going to stick? So give some people

00:47:03.700 some time, give yourself some grace. And I won't say slow walk it, but just let the chips fall

00:47:12.680 where they may. People will recognize your behavior, but it takes a lot of consistency

00:47:17.120 and effort over time. I'll tell you what the trap is of trying to get other people to see your

00:47:22.900 progress. They're going to think you're manipulating them. And that's a problem.

00:47:29.460 kip if i go to you and i'm trying to like constantly suck out praise from you or i'm

00:47:35.620 trying to constantly get your validation you're gonna question my motives for doing that and

00:47:40.900 rightfully so if i go to my wife and i say hey um look babe here's all the things that i've been

00:47:51.380 doing here's all the ways i've been changing she's gonna think wait are you doing that for me

00:47:55.380 to get me to behave a certain way or are you doing that for yourself so when you start trying

00:48:01.540 to get the validation of other people they question your motives and they should yeah

00:48:06.000 and let's be honest you might be doing it to manipulate them to with the intent of trying

00:48:13.620 to sway them and that's somewhat in the space of compliance and and we're not i who knows

00:48:20.900 Justin, if you're doing this, but like, it's not going to work. That comes with premeditated

00:48:27.020 resentment. I go out of my way to adjust to appease Ryan and all that I'm doing. And eventually,

00:48:33.740 guess what? Ryan's not going to, um, see, or I'm going to have some expectations of how he should

00:48:39.700 be treating me. And guess what? They're not going to match. And then I'm going to be frustrated

00:48:43.560 that I, that I'm not getting the praise that I've been trying to get out of you

00:48:48.460 from a manipulative behavior because i'm trying to show you all these no dude like let it that's

00:48:54.660 exhausting like even talking about it makes me like energy drains out of my body like dude just

00:49:01.600 do it for you let it go get committed to something and get after it why because you want to

00:49:10.020 and then whether they realize the change in you or not it doesn't matter and you're doing it for

00:49:18.000 the right reason anyway. And guess what? When you do it for that, the chances of you being

00:49:22.920 successful just skyrockets. But if you're doing it just to appease someone else, the chances are

00:49:29.020 it's not going to work anyway. You're going to eventually get tired of it and you're going to

00:49:32.920 go back to old behaviors because you were never doing it for you anyway. You're doing it for

00:49:36.580 someone else. Yeah. I mean, you can only do something so long and not achieve the result

00:49:45.280 that you desire before you stop doing the thing yeah and so if your desire is i want her to not

00:49:50.980 acknowledge me and she never does you're gonna throw in the towel quicker than you ought to

00:49:55.660 um i would also say well this goes back to just doing the right thing you said because you want

00:50:03.260 to i think you said yeah and i agree if you want to i would also say because that's what the kind

00:50:09.340 of man you want to be would do yeah the way you're now showing up for your wife let's say

00:50:17.280 is the kind of husband you've always wanted to be and that's the motivation because you're showing

00:50:22.940 up for your kids the way hopefully you are now it's because that's what a good father would do

00:50:28.380 period end of story end of discussion i would also say and this is important the way i'm going

00:50:36.660 to say it's going to sound funny, but instead of worrying about the praise of others, learn to

00:50:40.980 praise yourself, not in a self-aggrandizing way, not an arrogant, egotistical way, not a look at

00:50:47.520 me, look how much I've done and look how much better I am than you or anything else, but learn

00:50:52.640 to validate yourself. And you do that by tracking where you currently are and looking back. It's

00:51:00.220 okay to look back sometimes, as long as it's not drawing you backwards and say, whoa, look how far

00:51:06.240 I've come. You talked about this last week, Kip, with your Ironman training. You said something to

00:51:12.040 the effect of, hey, you know, I wasn't as awesome as I could have been, but I was way better than I

00:51:16.980 was. And that's something to be proud about. We should be proud of that. Not prideful, but proud

00:51:25.860 of the work that we've done and how far we've come. And when you can do that for yourself,

00:51:30.660 ironically this is where people will start to notice it and follow you and that's actually a

00:51:36.940 very good sign of validation by the way some people will want whoever to say hey tell me how

00:51:43.620 great i am tell me how far i've come and it feels good there's nothing wrong with that if people want

00:51:47.260 to do it i pay compliments to people all the time because it makes people feel good and i think they

00:51:51.840 deserve it but the greatest compliment in your self-development that anybody could ever give you

00:51:59.360 is following you, is asking for your opinion, is valuing your input or your insight. It's not

00:52:08.220 saying, oh, I really love and appreciate, look how far you've come. It's, hey, dad, what do you

00:52:12.820 think I should do? I'm concerned or confused about this. That's the best, that's the truest sign

00:52:18.820 of somebody that sees you as a valuable part of their life. Yeah, absolutely. So Ryan, with all

00:52:25.080 this in place based upon everything we just said, when do we share, right? When, when do I

00:52:31.120 intentionally share with my spouse or my kids of what I'm working on and progress that I made,

00:52:37.620 like with the right intent, right? I'm doing it for me, not for them and not to, you know,

00:52:43.020 stroke my own ego. When, when are the benefits or when do I intentionally share what I'm doing?

00:52:49.420 it's it's very simple you share when their enlistment in what you're doing is crucial

00:52:56.640 so the the spouse thing i think we can understand we can talk a little bit about that but another

00:53:02.420 context might be let's say kip you're my boss and i want a raise or i want a promotion or i want to

00:53:10.160 take on a new project i'm going to come to you and say hey kip you know i've i've done these things

00:53:16.900 for the past year and I'm really excited. And here's how much revenue we've been able to

00:53:20.840 generate because of these new ideas that we implemented based on the idea that I had a couple

00:53:24.640 months ago. And I actually want to take this further because I think I can do it. And I've

00:53:31.440 proved that this is a legitimate idea. Can you give me the opportunity to do this? So I shared

00:53:39.800 my success with you, but I didn't do it to toot my horn. I did it so I could enlist you in the cause.

00:53:45.380 yeah yeah that's what i love about it and what i love about it ryan is most guys wouldn't do that

00:53:52.240 they covertly go well i'm gonna do this thing and then i'm gonna like have all this progress and

00:53:59.260 ryan's gonna see my my effort and he's gonna promote me all without involving me in the

00:54:06.020 conversation with this covert contract to be in it yeah totally totally well and so let's take a

00:54:13.900 scenario with with a spouse let's say you've got this great business idea but you're full of ideas 0.99

00:54:21.680 and you're also full of shit and track record shows that and you go to your wife you're like 0.99

00:54:26.980 hey babe i'm gonna start this business and she's like oh god here we go yeah and then you're like 1.00

00:54:32.660 she won't she won't support me it's like dude last business venture you blew ten thousand dollars in

00:54:38.500 six months of your life. Why would she support that? Like what she's in, she's obligated to,

00:54:44.740 to do that. Like she, she has things that she cares about too. So if you want to start the

00:54:51.900 business venture, what I would go, what I would do is, Hey babe, I want to talk with you about an

00:54:57.480 idea that I have. Do you have some time tonight or this weekend or whatever? And then you sit down

00:55:02.340 with her and you're like, I just want to show you some of the things I've been doing. Um, I've got

00:55:05.840 this business plan. I've got this business idea. Here's the research I've done. Here's the time

00:55:11.760 I've invested into it. Here's the pros and cons. Here's why I think I would be good at it. Here's

00:55:16.140 why I don't think. You're not asking for her permission, by the way, guys. You're not asking

00:55:20.700 for her to say yes. You're enlisting her. She has to be enlisted in the business, even if she's not

00:55:28.580 part of the business. Because if she's not, Kip, have you ever had something that you've done

00:55:33.280 that asia isn't fully supportive of yeah it does not work out well is that harder or easier 0.96

00:55:40.140 for the project harder to do yeah harder to do so yeah streamline it grease the grooves

00:55:46.720 make the process easier and getting her enlistment is crucial yeah totally you know one thing that

00:55:52.760 that i feel over the last couple months we've talked about this in iron council so i'll just

00:55:57.520 bring this up because i think men struggle in this area is there's some value of your

00:56:03.000 kids should know what you're about and what you want to achieve and seeing you put effort towards

00:56:11.420 it. Why? So they have a model of like, oh God, dad wanted to do this thing that was really

00:56:18.960 difficult. I see him working. I see him doing this hard thing. And now we're being the lighthouse of

00:56:26.240 what this looks like. Sometimes if we don't tell our kids about it, they don't know that we're

00:56:31.820 working on something and, and, and we don't get to share the struggle with them and they don't

00:56:36.120 learn. So like, unless your kids also as, as a way of teaching them about what you're doing and,

00:56:43.300 you know, we do hard things and we, we sacrifice and we delay gratification to,

00:56:49.080 for an achievement of something else, but you kind of got to let your kids know about these things

00:56:52.620 so they can learn and grow from your experience. Right. I was writing a couple of things down

00:56:58.760 here. You know, my kids, they know what an iron council preview call is. They know what a Friday

00:57:06.640 iron council call is. They know what a battle team is. Like they know that because I share it with

00:57:11.640 them. I used to just say, Hey kids, I'm going to go jump on a call. And then I was confused why

00:57:16.120 they didn't understand. Well, because to a child who wants to spend time with you, it just means

00:57:20.920 less time for them. That's all it relates. That's all it translates to dad's on a call, which means

00:57:26.140 he's not with me. But then you start sharing it like, hey, check this out. This is what a preview

00:57:31.640 call is. This is what I do. Here's how many guys were on the call. Listen to this story.

00:57:37.100 This guy was struggling in his marriage and we talked him through it. We worked him through it.

00:57:41.120 We've been working together for six months and now they're doing great. Or this guy just started a

00:57:45.520 brand new business and he quit his old job because he's starting this new business. My kids hear

00:57:50.120 stories like that. So when I tell them, hey guys, I got to jump on a call. This morning, I was on

00:57:55.600 the Friday, um, iron council call and my youngest son, he got out of bed. He's like, dad, can we

00:58:00.620 hang out? I said, yeah, I'm going to jump on my call. He's like, okay, cool. When you're done.

00:58:03.860 I'm like, yeah, absolutely. He has no problem with it because he knows what I'm doing. And I also

00:58:08.480 hang out with him after the call. Like I said, I would, but they also know what it's like to

00:58:13.220 run our merchandise store. Like I've got one of our new shirts on right now in the merchandise

00:58:18.240 store and my kids have all been part of packaging uh they've been part of customer service they've

00:58:26.880 been part of taking it to the post office and the other day my youngest son was taping up a box 0.95

00:58:34.900 and he just looked like dog crap the way he taped it is all wonky and weird

00:58:39.400 and he turned it over like he was going to use it and i said hey are we going to use that box 0.97

00:58:45.140 he's like uh i said you know the answer he's like you're right no and i said why aren't we

00:58:53.280 gonna use that box and he's like because the way it looks matters yeah exactly the way it looks

00:58:59.720 matters when somebody gets a shirt we want it to be awesome we want their experience to be great

00:59:04.560 they took out their wallet and they spent 30 bucks with us or 100 bucks or 300 bucks

00:59:09.700 they deserve to get it the way that it's intended and he's like yeah i know i said it's okay we all

00:59:17.080 get lazy at times and that's what happened but catch yourself and he's like okay and it was fine

00:59:21.720 he gets it he understands it because we talk about these things yeah yeah absolutely i love it i love

00:59:29.420 it man in fact talking about iron council oops um i got my call coming up so okay you got to get

00:59:35.920 going. Do you have time for one more question real quick? Yeah, sure. Or no, uh, 20 minutes.

00:59:42.180 I got, I got 20 minutes. Okay. We'll be fast. Well, I was going to tell you that traditional

00:59:46.060 Japanese wood joinery stuff that's called, uh, Kagumi, I think is how you would pronounce that.

00:59:52.500 So I did look that up, but it's actually really interesting. People should look into that. I know

00:59:56.960 what you're talking about. I've seen a couple like social media reels and I'm like, that is amazing.

01:00:01.920 it's cool yeah um this one comes from philip snyder he said he really likes the episode that

01:00:08.260 i did on capitalism being masculine as a capitalist himself he wanted the perspective of a trend

01:00:13.120 for men buying land and building a compound for their family and quote unquote 10 of their closest

01:00:18.880 friends they grow their own food etc etc uh he called that a commune from his perspective

01:00:24.980 and he also said it seems like a common dream for some men to in our movement to become completely

01:00:30.300 removed from modern society and the global economy. In your opinion, where on the spectrum

01:00:34.760 of capitalism do you see this urge for communal isolation? Is it ignoring the reality that we're

01:00:41.920 all part of the global economy or is the isolation of small group tribal model the ultimate symbol

01:00:46.860 of sovereignty? There's a lot to it, but what I would say is that you're still participating in

01:00:54.560 a capitalistic society if everybody's contributing their own set of skills, right? Because when we

01:01:02.040 think of capitalism, we think about money and money is just a agreed upon metric of, I should

01:01:11.160 say measurement of value. That's all it is. This is going to represent, let's say a dollar represents

01:01:17.260 one unit of value. Now I get to decide what is valuable the same way, Kip, you get to decide

01:01:23.960 what is valuable. So if I said to you, Kip, I would like to buy your leadership training

01:01:31.260 in order for that transaction to take place. I have to believe that what I'm going to get

01:01:39.080 is worth more than what I'm going to give you. And this is where it gets interesting.

01:01:45.380 You conversely have to believe that what I'm going to give you is worth more than what you

01:01:53.140 have to give me yeah it's such it's mind-blowing if you really think about that both people think

01:02:00.220 they won that's what makes it beautiful is that the transaction does not come at the expense

01:02:06.160 of anybody else whereas other forms of economic systems there's an expense it's a finite pie it

01:02:13.880 comes at the expense of somebody else but capitalism true capitalism does not you can do

01:02:19.020 that in a small setting without dollars, you just don't have the dollar to do it. And so how do you

01:02:24.440 do? Barter, trade. You live in this commune, for example, and maybe the women in the area are

01:02:30.660 responsible for growing the food and the men are responsible for building things. That's a system 0.99

01:02:36.060 of capitalism where we're trading value in order to serve each other effectively. So I like that

01:02:44.800 idea and I don't think you're separating yourself necessarily from the global economy I would still

01:02:50.220 be aware of what's going on in my city in my state in my country because those things will

01:02:56.040 impact and affect property taxes and other things that I might need to go into town to buy

01:03:01.180 and rules excuse me got something stuck in my throat there um so I think there's a I think

01:03:07.980 there's a happy medium but if somebody wants to go live off grid and and escape do it I'm

01:03:14.200 i'm fine with that like there's enough of us that are going to contribute in different ways

01:03:18.440 that that's not going to be a hindrance on society because 10 people decide they want

01:03:24.220 to live together and live off the land do it you can do it make it happen do it

01:03:28.520 yeah and like you said it's still capitalism you know i find i find the the move to globalization

01:03:35.560 really interesting in the sense of said who that this is a good idea you know what i mean like

01:03:44.080 we have this default way of like oh we're part of a global economy or we should or it's great for

01:03:51.860 cultures to integrate and whatever i'm like says who right like i don't think we're capable of it

01:03:58.220 to be honest with you i mean look at us we can't even handle social media and have too many inputs

01:04:02.780 what do we find ourselves doing get distracted with everything outside of our realm of control

01:04:06.620 that we stop focusing on what's within our realm of control maybe we're not capable of dealing at

01:04:12.960 the global level. And we were intended to be in tribes and that's where we focus better. Why?

01:04:18.980 Because we're focused on, on areas of our control versus things outside. I don't know it, but it's

01:04:25.260 interesting. Do you have thoughts about that? Yeah. I mean, you're right. Multiculturalism

01:04:29.320 is a horrible, horrible experiment. We we've seen it. Yeah. Even in this country, what happens is 1.00

01:04:34.400 people come into this country in such large number, large numbers that they don't assimilate

01:04:39.320 to the american culture and so what is the american culture who the hell knows yeah we we

01:04:45.420 have no idea and people will say well you know diversity is strength is it what if we're in a

01:04:51.360 rowboat kip you and me and i'm rowing north and you're rowing south we would both agree that we're

01:04:56.880 rowing in a diverse way who's gonna where are we gonna go we're not going anywhere we're rowing

01:05:05.220 against each other versus both of us get in the same rowboat and you row on the right side and i

01:05:12.160 row on the left okay now we're still diverse but at least we're rowing in the same direction

01:05:17.520 that's why this monoculture idea is so much better and by the way we can still do exchange

01:05:24.140 with other cultures but we just don't have to adopt this is the problem is everybody thinks

01:05:31.080 and this is part of the american problem we we have this idea of freedom and the the right to

01:05:38.820 free speech and it's beautiful i love it but what people have believed because of the right to free

01:05:43.780 speech that everybody's speech is equally valuable and it's not and the same thing is true of

01:05:50.580 cultures not all cultures are the same in value some cultures are horrible horrible cultures

01:05:57.760 which is why they should be allowed to go away. 0.96

01:06:02.780 And some cultures are better than others. 0.98

01:06:05.000 And how do you know? 0.84

01:06:05.980 By their fruits, ye shall know thee.

01:06:08.220 So we can still exchange and do commerce

01:06:10.940 with different countries, 1.00

01:06:11.820 but I'm not interested in embracing other cultures 0.99

01:06:14.620 that are at odds with ours. 1.00

01:06:16.820 It doesn't help anybody.

01:06:18.600 It waters down everything.

01:06:20.500 It muddies all the water.

01:06:21.920 It creates rifts.

01:06:23.580 Everybody's going in their own direction in a different way.

01:06:26.440 and then everybody just gets pissed and kills each other and we see that

01:06:30.360 yeah totally so well there's another opinion yeah yeah i was gonna say we should have added

01:06:37.920 that to the list from earlier um you know your guys has called action i mean we talked about

01:06:42.840 earlier one of the questions is around self-development and investing in yourself and

01:06:46.480 and i feel safe in saying this ryan this podcast the reason why we do this and i've seen this from

01:06:53.340 you time and time again. And the intent is to pour into men so they can show up more powerfully

01:07:00.000 in life, period. We want you to do that. Whether it's going to the library, whether that's listening

01:07:06.800 to podcasts, reading books, whatever it is, man, get on this path of becoming a better version of

01:07:12.640 yourselves. And if you want to, you can also band with us and do that. And that's joining the Iron

01:07:18.540 council. And so to learn more about that, go to the iron council.com and, um, always open for

01:07:24.780 enrollment and glad to welcome you new guys. I always love, I love those preview calls, but one

01:07:30.760 of my favorite things every Friday is we have, we have these all hands calls. And one of the

01:07:35.840 questions I asked new guys is why are you here? Where are you from? But why are you here? And I

01:07:43.440 love it i'm here why and they declare themselves i'm here for this reason and it's inspiring

01:07:51.100 even for us guys that's been an iron council for you know eight years and so um yeah so to learn

01:07:58.380 more go to the iron council.com and i'll just i'll add one other thing kip and i know you got a jet

01:08:04.060 but the library is great i used that example earlier it is great but there's a downside is

01:08:10.140 that there's no structure to the learning. You can get as much information as possible. I can get on

01:08:16.240 my phone and get as much information as possible. Does that mean it's going to serve me? No, not if

01:08:22.440 it's the wrong information or not if I don't understand how to translate it or not if I don't

01:08:27.440 know how to apply it successfully. And that's the difference between self-directed learning

01:08:32.300 and learning in a system that's proven to work. So I'm not saying replace the library, replace

01:08:39.280 self-learning. I'm saying supplement it with a system because that's going to help every other

01:08:44.380 aspect of your self-development journey. All right, guys. I mean, oh, go ahead. Sorry. Nope,

01:08:49.820 you're good. No, I was just going to say we're in the information age. Access to information is not

01:08:53.740 the problem. Right. It's how do I apply it? And how do I apply it to my life? And what do I apply?

01:09:02.640 Yeah, totally. And that's exactly what we do. Yeah. All right, guys. Great questions today.

01:09:07.320 Keep them coming. We'll keep giving the answers and we'll catch you on Friday until then go out

01:09:11.920 there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order

01:09:17.400 of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant

01:09:22.220 to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - June 17, 2026

Invest in Self-Improvement, Take a Year For Yourself, and Never Seek Validation ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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