Order of Man - Is Capitalism Manly？, Conquer Your Biases, and Skepticism vs. Pessimism

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.480 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.720 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.040 Mr. Kip Sorensen, good to see you, brother. I hope all's going well.

00:00:27.660 Yeah. Things are awesome. And you just had an awesome trip coming back from Texas last week.

00:00:36.240 Yeah. Yeah. I was down there. I met with Cam Haynes. So that podcast came out yesterday as of

00:00:41.680 the release of this podcast. And then I also sat down with Tim Kennedy. I totally messed up.

00:00:48.700 I'm a human too. People don't think that sometimes. They just think I'm almost godlike.

00:00:55.700 And then I mess up. And I know it's really shocking to people when I do, but occasionally

00:00:59.700 it does happen. So I'm on East Coast time. Texas is central time. So when I switch over,

00:01:08.400 my phone automatically switches over the time. And then it adjusts my meetings. But on my computer,

00:01:15.120 it doesn't do that. Yeah. So I thought I was meeting with Tim at two o'clock

00:01:21.560 and him and his team had it down for one o'clock. So I got there at about one 30 because I'm like,

00:01:30.020 okay, I'll be early. That'll give us time to just get set up, get a feel for what we're going to do,

00:01:35.120 get settled in. And then at two o'clock when Tim rolls in, we'll be able to record. So I'm thinking

00:01:39.440 I'm a half an hour early. They're thinking I'm a half an hour late. And unfortunately the meeting

00:01:44.240 got cut off because he was, well, I want to disclose, but he would, you had a hard stop.

00:01:49.740 He was leaving out of country and he's like, Hey, I got to be done at two 30. So we had like 35

00:01:55.680 minutes to do the podcast. I was so, and that was, they were really good about it. Very gracious,

00:02:00.860 very cool and understanding. I just felt like a total dick though. Cause I just botched it,

00:02:06.940 man. I just messed up. So it does happen from time to time. We did cram a lot and had a really

00:02:13.220 cool conversation in 35 minutes. And then of course did the one with cam. Um, so it was cool.

00:02:18.600 Yeah, that sucks. I was supposed to record with, uh, Nolan Ryan too. We, uh, we were able to land a

00:02:27.880 podcast interview with him and I was supposed to go a couple of days earlier than I did to meet with

00:02:32.660 him, but unfortunately, uh, they had a scheduling conflict or something come up last minute and we

00:02:37.840 couldn't do it. So we're still in talks with them. So guys, keep your fingers crossed. Cause Nolan Ryan

00:02:42.220 is arguably the greatest pitcher of all time. Like he's definitely in the conversation, if not the

00:02:48.900 entire conversation. Uh, and just a general hero of mine when I was a kid, like he was with the angels

00:02:57.560 and astros and, um, or, uh, yeah, astros, just a hero of mine. So I was hoping we could have that

00:03:03.900 too. And it didn't pan out. So, you know, things don't always work out according to plan, but we

00:03:07.780 adjust and we adapt and we get through it and we make it work. Yeah. And, and cam cam Haynes, he has

00:03:13.920 a new book out, right? He does. In fact, I got it right here. Actually. So this is his new book.

00:03:20.740 This is a signed copy. I have three signed copies. I'm actually giving these away. So guys,

00:03:24.940 if you want a signed copy of endure by cam Haynes, uh, then what you need to do is you need to leave

00:03:31.980 a rating and review on iTunes, take a screenshot of that rating and review, uh, and then email

00:03:37.960 brandy at order of man.com with that screenshot. And then you'll be entered in for the drawing that

00:03:43.400 we're doing on Friday of this week. So what is that? That's Friday, the 27th.

00:03:51.440 Excellent. And you're going to announce that on Friday field notes or

00:03:54.240 how do they know they won or just, we'll just, we'll email back whoever won. That's the best

00:04:01.100 way to do it. So, and if you don't get an email, you didn't win. Um, better luck next time. Yeah.

00:04:06.400 Copy. It's easy. You got to do it. Cool, brother. All right. Should we get into it?

00:04:10.140 It was good. It was productive. Like I, yeah, it was, um, it was just busy. So I have a son graduating,

00:04:17.500 um, high school. So we have a big, you know, typical Hawaiian giant Luau, my backyard. So

00:04:24.680 I'm trying to be presentable. And of course it's like, Oh, we've always wanted to do that. Let's do

00:04:30.200 it in the next, you know, three days. I'm like, okay, that's great. So, uh, and then we're down at,

00:04:35.300 uh, at, uh, at the lake, uh, trying to clean up that property that looks like maybe, uh, uh, looks

00:04:43.560 like, uh, a camp of homeless people showed up and just destroyed the place. So your property.

00:04:49.940 Yeah. We had a trailer on it. We're tearing that trailer down the build. And, and actually this is

00:04:55.440 a good lesson. So check this out. So we have a single wide trailer and we don't want to just

00:05:00.440 demolish it. Right. So Asia posts online says, Hey, free trailer. Anyone who wants it. Guess how

00:05:06.140 many times someone has said, I will take it. And then once they look at it and get in the details,

00:05:11.660 they back out. And I was really contemplating over the weekend. I'm like, how much of this

00:05:15.340 is because we listed it as free and there's zero meat in the game. And everyone's always about like,

00:05:21.420 Oh, it's free. And so we constantly get all these people all interested. And I wonder,

00:05:26.140 I just wonder if we said trailer thousand dollars. Yep. If it would already be gone by now,

00:05:32.660 I guarantee it would, you should do it. I was, I was going to say, throw it up for 500 bucks,

00:05:37.680 but whatever it is, is just some means not even about the money. It's just about them

00:05:42.980 having some skin in the game, you know, and $500 is going to turn off people who are just tire kickers

00:05:48.900 or want free stuff. And there's nothing wrong with wanting free stuff. That's not the problem.

00:05:53.800 The problem is you want to get rid of it and you need somebody who's actually going to take it. So

00:05:59.560 just having some value there, I think goes a long way and it kind of filters some of that other

00:06:05.300 stuff out of it. Yeah. So we might be a, we might do a social experiment. If this last guy's not

00:06:11.440 going to take it, I think we're going to put it up for, maybe we'll just do $500 and just see

00:06:15.940 if, uh, if that's enough to make it happen. So I would, it's also, there's another thing I,

00:06:22.260 I ran across, this was years and years ago. Uh, the, one of the guys that I hired as a,

00:06:28.700 as a coaching firm for my financial planning practice had a big event and he goes all out

00:06:34.960 when he does events. Yeah. And I think for the first hundred people that registered,

00:06:38.960 he gave away free computers to these people and I couldn't go, I couldn't make it for one reason

00:06:44.520 or the other. So I, I just heard about this through, through the grapevine a little bit.

00:06:47.660 And so he gave, they know that they were getting computers. No, they didn't know they were getting

00:06:52.260 computers. He just, he just decided like, Hey, you for, he had the computer there. As far as I

00:06:57.700 understand it on the table with their name on it, when they got there and like, Hey, you were one of

00:07:02.120 the first to sign up, here's a free computer. And he had said how astonished he was at how many people

00:07:11.320 who got the computer complained that it wasn't a Mac or that it wasn't a PC or it was, or it was just

00:07:17.780 the lower end version, or it didn't have this one particular feature they wanted. And he's like,

00:07:23.400 what, what more do you want from me? You know, it's, it's, it's the same thing. Like with, um,

00:07:30.060 Elon Musk is a great example of this too. You know, Elon could, could probably spend,

00:07:35.520 I don't know, a million dollars, 2 million, 10 million, a hundred million, a billion dollars,

00:07:40.660 and just give it away to charities of his choice. And those charities and other people would be like,

00:07:45.600 well, how come he only gave away a million? He could probably give away 10 million.

00:07:49.600 Well, how come he only gave a billion? He should do 2 billion. Well, how come he gave to this charity?

00:07:53.580 That charity needs help too. It's like, what do you expect from people? You know, it's just,

00:07:58.580 it's so wild to me. It's just a really, really telling sign of the, the entitlement. I think

00:08:06.300 that we have as a culture, um, the, the, how right we think we are, or, or how much easier we are to

00:08:13.960 put ourselves on, on our, on a pedestal than other people. Judgment, quick to judge. Yeah, sure.

00:08:20.640 Yeah. Very interesting, man. It's, it's kind of disheartening when you have stuff like that happen.

00:08:26.360 Weird. Yeah. Anyways. Cool. Well, let's talk about some questions today.

00:08:33.040 Yeah. Sounds good. So we're building questions from Facebook, uh, to join us there,

00:08:36.760 go to facebook.com slash group slash order of man, Leonardo Diaz. How can we conquer our own biases

00:08:43.940 and other people's at the same time? So I, I, I saw this question and I like the question because

00:08:52.780 yes, we do all have our own biases and other people have their own biases. I don't, I don't

00:08:58.540 know that you need to worry about conquering other people's biases. That really isn't your

00:09:03.020 responsibility or job. Like if you have a bias towards something Kip, it's not really my job

00:09:08.440 to quote unquote conquer it. Now, if we're working together in some capacity, yeah, I think I would

00:09:14.320 need to explain some things that maybe you're not seeing so that we can work together in a

00:09:18.400 constructive way, but I don't really consider it my job to go out and help people get over

00:09:23.880 their biases. You either have them or you don't. And here's what I'm going to share. And if you

00:09:27.480 like it, great. And if you don't great now, if we're working together, there's one solution to

00:09:33.420 this, I think. And this also covers the first part of that question, which is your own biases.

00:09:38.300 And it's one word it's curiosity. Yeah. If you go out and you try to prove people right or wrong,

00:09:46.560 or, or try to dismantle their argument or poke holes in what they're saying, like very rarely,

00:09:51.580 is it going to be met with any sort of, uh, comfort, you know, like people aren't really

00:09:57.100 too excited about that. People push back. Yeah. Yeah. Rarely. Are you going to ever convince

00:10:01.900 someone or even have a good conversation if you approach it from the perspective of proving someone

00:10:06.460 wrong? Yeah. Right. And I, in, in the new book, it's called the masculinity manifesto that's coming

00:10:12.120 out later this fall. I actually talk, I talk a lot about building influence, credibility,

00:10:15.980 and authority and how a man can do that. And one of the pitfalls that I warn against is offering

00:10:21.380 unsolicited advice and feedback, but you're not going to build influence by offering, even if you're

00:10:26.600 right, like unequivocally right, you're not going to build influence, credibility, and authority with

00:10:31.980 other people. If you're offering unsolicited feedback. Okay. But if you walk into a conversation

00:10:38.140 with a curious mindset, not to get them, not to poke holes, but genuinely, Hey, I'm curious

00:10:44.100 about why you think that if you let people talk about their own stuff long enough, they're going

00:10:51.140 to start working towards some answers. And I've had that myself. You know, I had a, I had an interesting

00:10:56.820 disagreement with something that Jordan Peterson said on Instagram the other day. And I was like,

00:11:01.800 no, I don't agree with that. Here's what I agree with. And I made my point. And I heard a lot of

00:11:05.560 people were like, well, it doesn't mean this. He means that. And I've spent some time thinking

00:11:08.840 about it. And I'm like, Oh, like in that context, yes, that actually makes sense. And I think I'm

00:11:15.120 closer to his perception or his statement. I don't agree with his word choice, but I'm closer than maybe

00:11:23.160 I thought initially, but that comes from two things. Number one, curiosity in his position.

00:11:28.300 Like I am genuinely curious about it. I'm not just blowing it up. Like I'm curious about it.

00:11:33.600 And number two, curiosity in my own position. Am I right? Am I wrong? What flaws do I have in my

00:11:41.580 position? What, in what ways could I expand my thought process or think about it on a greater

00:11:48.280 level? And so curiosity is really how you overcome your own biases and overcome the biases of others by

00:11:56.360 letting them work through their own issues through a series and a line of powerful questioning.

00:12:03.340 Yeah. So Ryan, let me ask you this though. Cause I do feel like there's a little bit of a pendulum

00:12:08.480 here where one could show up in the world, whether in the workplace or when our families and constantly

00:12:14.240 be all over the place, a chameleon, like, well, you know what? I don't know. I mean, I'm really

00:12:19.160 curious and maybe I'm right. And maybe I'm wrong versus like being a little bit more effective in

00:12:23.880 stern. And I could almost see that level of curiosity affecting your ability to be productive

00:12:31.160 and to lead to some extent as well. Well, I don't, I don't know that you can take curiosity

00:12:39.480 too far. Okay. I mean, we hear the adage of like curiosity killed the cat, right? But that's,

00:12:45.700 I think that's different. I don't, I don't think you can be too curious, but your curiosity should

00:12:53.080 lead you to something. To a conclusion of some sort. That's the point, right? Isn't that the

00:12:59.540 reason we question things and people? And isn't that the basis of science even is like, Hey,

00:13:05.200 here's what I think. Here's my hypothesis. And here's the scientific method and we're going to

00:13:09.920 prove it or disprove it. And then you come to a conclusion. And then now you have a new theory

00:13:15.120 that you can test and has been proven or disproven. It's the same with curiosity. Like,

00:13:20.400 yeah, I mean, there's, there's value in just being curious for the sake of curiosity,

00:13:24.740 because you're going to learn a lot of things, but if you're never implementing what you learn,

00:13:28.320 then what's the point? I used to feel the same way about philosophy. I'd see these guys, you know,

00:13:33.660 ponder just stuff that's just seemed nonsensical. I'm like, why are we even talking about this?

00:13:39.880 It really didn't click for me until I realized, Oh, the reason we pontificate on ideas and theories

00:13:46.680 is so that we can live a better life. That's where it becomes productive, but yeah, you could

00:13:52.540 just spin in this perpetual cycle of learning and being curious. Yeah. And it's disingenuous at some

00:13:58.820 point, you know, it's like asking a person a question you already know the answer to.

00:14:03.020 And you know, when people are doing that to you, right. Or I remember going to have a conversation

00:14:08.620 with somebody, at least I thought it was going to be a conversation and it felt more like an

00:14:11.920 interrogation. And I didn't feel like that person was genuinely curious. I felt like they were trying

00:14:17.380 to get me. Yeah. That's a problem. And that's definitely not what I'm talking about. Yeah.

00:14:22.300 I like that. I remember, I'm going to slaughter the quote, but there's some quote I really love is

00:14:28.420 like thought without conclusion is just wasted energy to some extent. So to paraphrase what you're

00:14:35.020 saying, be creative or be curious, question yourself, question your biases, but follow it to a

00:14:40.600 conclusion versus just leave it in the ether of, well, you never know. And, you know, never,

00:14:45.860 never identifying ultimately what that means. So you can take action on it.

00:14:49.980 Yeah. One thing I've said in the past is thought without action is worthless action without thought

00:14:58.040 is reckless. Yeah. And that's very much along the same lines. Like you shouldn't just act like you

00:15:04.340 should think about what you're going to do ahead of time, because if you don't, it might actually work,

00:15:09.240 but it's still reckless. And you shouldn't just think without any action because why waste your

00:15:13.600 time? That's just worthless. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yehuda Samuel, what are the most important

00:15:19.980 principles for choosing where to live?

00:15:25.180 Hmm. Uh, well, I, I, I would say lifestyle would be important. So if being out in, in the wilderness,

00:15:32.300 or you like the mountains or you like the lake or you like the beach or, uh, whatever, then, then I

00:15:38.140 think the environment that way is important because you're going to be able to enjoy that place

00:15:41.820 more. Um, I think having other value driven organizations would be important. So that might

00:15:48.820 be church. Uh, it might be access to community clubs and a community center. I think about, um,

00:15:55.960 some of these, uh, adult living communities, you know, 55, 65 plus communities that makes sense to

00:16:01.480 me because there's golf. Usually it's on a golf course, right? Um, they have activities at the,

00:16:08.040 at the main meeting place, wherever they do that, a community center, they've got a pool. There's

00:16:13.080 other people that are age. And so value-based organizations, maybe it's a charity that you want

00:16:18.620 to belong to. Um, crime rates for me is definitely important. Uh, that that's a, that's a big deal.

00:16:24.840 Politics is an important thing. I don't want to, I really don't want to live in a very liberal area

00:16:30.200 because I don't agree with those politics. And so I'm going to look for a more conservative area to

00:16:35.240 live because that's the way that I want to live my life. And that's the way that I would like the

00:16:40.180 people who are representing me and other people to, to, to govern. Uh, so that's important. If you

00:16:46.040 have young kids, obviously school is, is an important factor. If, if you are putting them in the

00:16:51.400 public school system, even if you're not, I think the schooling district is a pretty crucial

00:16:56.020 component because that's who your friend, your kids are going to hang out with. So, I mean,

00:17:00.240 there's five or six right offhand that I think would be important metrics for where you live.

00:17:05.800 Yeah. And on the schooling side, all that data is available. You know, when we moved to New York for

00:17:11.380 a few years, it was like, where do we live in New York? It was almost a hundred percent determined on

00:17:17.080 where would Kiavi go to kindergarten. Yeah. And we literally chose where we lived based upon where

00:17:24.180 kindergarten was located and how good the school was and how it was rated nationally and stay on

00:17:28.640 the state level. So yeah. Um, some of that stuff's available. So there's another, uh, a couple of

00:17:33.920 factors that I would look at too, is if you go to a house in a community that you like, and it seems

00:17:39.580 like it's a great place and you feel comfortable with it, but you go at two o'clock in the afternoon,

00:17:44.500 go back at eight o'clock in the evening. Cause it could change or maybe it doesn't, but it's going

00:17:51.380 to be different at eight. If you went on Tuesday morning, then you probably should go back on

00:17:55.580 Saturday afternoon. Right? So the times of the day, uh, days of the week, those are different

00:18:03.380 depending on the weekend and time. Um, I would also drive around the community. It isn't just about

00:18:08.680 your house. It's about the community. So I've seen some places where there's these big, beautiful

00:18:12.940 homes. And then you go three houses down or a block or two down. And all of a sudden it's like

00:18:20.420 you're in the slums. Yeah. Is that, are you okay with that? Because that's really close. So, uh, uh,

00:18:27.160 crime rates will probably increase in, in that instance, property values will be lower in that

00:18:33.220 case. So there's some other considerations there that you need to be aware of.

00:18:37.520 Soil. There's actually like reports that you can actually get soil, uh, breakdowns of

00:18:42.760 where your neighborhood is located. If it's like close to fault lines or the quality of the soil,

00:18:47.160 if it's at risk for other things. And there's lots of stuff we can come up with. You know,

00:18:51.840 one thing that crosses my mind is like, well, I mean, New York, I'll, I'll use two examples of

00:18:57.000 two places. I lived Phoenix in New York from a disaster perspective, horrible places to live,

00:19:05.040 right? New York, you lose power in New York. That city is a shit show like within a couple of days,

00:19:11.380 right. If there's zero power, the other thing that crosses my mind around Phoenix is there's

00:19:15.940 natural resources. Where did they get all their water? What happens when that water can't get to

00:19:22.800 Phoenix anymore? Right. So, I mean, not to be like a doomsdayer, but I would be thinking about

00:19:27.800 your ability to provide in the event of difficult circumstances as well.

00:19:31.840 Yeah, no, definitely. I feel, I feel a little bit bad about that response. Cause it's like,

00:19:37.820 you should look at everything. Yeah, you should, but you're asking what are the most important

00:19:42.580 factors? Here's what I would say if I had to sum it up. No, it's, it's, they're important

00:19:46.540 considerations, but like we went off, right? Yeah. Here's what, here's what I would say. Climate

00:19:52.400 that would, that would be really important for me. And that also includes geography. So outdoors,

00:19:59.900 lake, that sort of thing. So environment, top five, are we doing five here? No, three, three,

00:20:04.760 three. Okay. Yep. So climate, geography, number two, politics, that's important. And then number

00:20:11.140 three is the community. That's the three things I would say. There you go. All right. I, we could

00:20:16.520 have shortened that quite up with just the three. All right. They're important considerations though.

00:20:21.420 We should, we should talk about them. Yeah. Is your idea of masculinity dictated by capitalism

00:20:27.780 or should it, and should it, I'm sorry. No, no. Masculinity is not determined by capitalism or any

00:20:35.720 other societal construct. You know, I know people like to throw the socially constructed thing out

00:20:42.260 there, but in this case, capitalism is a societal construct. We've constructed it in order to hopefully

00:20:48.280 serve everybody as effectively as possible. Transfer of goods. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So it is a society,

00:20:52.820 it's a, it's a construction made up by members of society. Like that's the definition of a societal

00:21:00.000 construct. Agnostic of masculinity. Yeah. Yeah. But masculinity is not, is not, that's not what

00:21:06.700 masculinity is. Masculinity is a set of characteristics, patterns, behaviors, beliefs

00:21:11.040 based on your biological makeup. Period. That's it. It's not good. It's not bad. It's not influenced by

00:21:18.460 society. It's not, it's no, that's all it is. And I know this because there's been research from

00:21:25.620 tribes and cultures and organizations and people who have men who have not even been introduced to

00:21:31.520 each other, who have striking similarities between what it means to be a man. The propensity for

00:21:37.040 violence is a masculine characteristic. Okay. The, the desire to dominate is a masculine characteristic.

00:21:44.300 The desire to be tribal, to be protective, uh, to, to compete. These are masculine characteristics

00:21:51.940 and culture doesn't dictate it. And capitalism or socialism or communism doesn't dictate it. It

00:22:00.120 just is because we've been biologically hardwired to operate that way. Now that said, there is another

00:22:08.100 element here that can be constructed or can be refined or honed based on society's acceptance or

00:22:19.080 massaging of the way that we behave as men. So if I was a Viking warrior a thousand years ago,

00:22:25.100 I would be defined as being manly based on how many people I killed and how many women I was with.

00:22:31.520 That's a loose interpretation, right? Yeah. But I think you guys all get the point

00:22:36.680 is about conquering, raping, pillaging, taking, dominating. And the tribe would consider me a man

00:22:44.820 if I was successful in those endeavors. Right. Yeah. Totally. Okay. Now I think generally not

00:22:51.300 exclusively, but generally we would say a man is somebody who, uh, has a family has children is

00:22:59.660 leading them effectively can have an, has an income takes care of other people serves as community.

00:23:07.260 Again, generally this, this is, I think what most people would say is manly behavior. Okay. Well,

00:23:12.500 that's different than it was a thousand years ago because society has changed. Yeah. Right. So my

00:23:18.760 definition of manliness, not masculinity, there's the difference. And it's not just semantics. It's very

00:23:24.000 important. We understand the distinction because my sons can be masculine, but they're not men.

00:23:28.440 We don't even expect them to be men. Like my, my, my youngest, he's feisty to put it mildly.

00:23:36.080 And when he doesn't get what he wants, what does he do? He punches or he scratches or he bites.

00:23:41.640 That's masculine. Okay. He's got, he's like, if I don't get what I want, I'm going to assert myself

00:23:47.420 and take it. That's masculine, but it isn't manly because it's not refined. Yeah. Like I appreciate

00:23:54.580 that he wants to vehemently go after what he wants, but there's a better way to do it. And I got to

00:23:58.960 teach him how to be manly. So this is not a insignificant distinction between the two now

00:24:04.900 to answer the question. So I had to give the backstory there. Yeah. Capitalism is rooted in

00:24:11.100 manliness. It's rooted in manliness because what does it mean? It means that you have a good or a skill

00:24:19.740 or, or, or a, or a possession that you've acquired, that you've earned, that you've developed,

00:24:25.580 it's marketable. You're going to go out and serve other people. You're going to trade with other men

00:24:30.520 of goods and services. You believe in the power of individualism. You believe in personal property

00:24:38.520 rights, that you have a right to own things and other people have a right to own things. And you don't

00:24:44.060 get to infringe upon those things. But if I want something Kip that you have, then we need to come

00:24:49.160 to an agreement. Like if I want that, that microphone that you have, and you want that,

00:24:54.540 that skull that I have, then we have to mutually agree upon it. And until that happens, no trade takes

00:25:01.000 place. Yeah. So socialism is not rooted in masculine or in manliness at all. It says that there's

00:25:10.900 one person or party that gets to dictate the price of everything that gets to be the, uh, the,

00:25:17.980 the sole source of production control manipulation, lack of sovereignty, giving it to other,

00:25:28.020 no individual rights. Socialism is not rooted in manliness, but capitalism is rooted in manliness.

00:25:35.160 Now I will say this because I know our already people are thinking this, but

00:25:40.900 capitalism can be taken advantage of, and that's not manly, right? So when I, as a, as a, uh,

00:25:48.500 a provider of goods and services rip clients off, you could say that's capitalism. No, that's not what

00:25:55.500 capitalism is. That's a misuse of the capitalistic system, but it isn't capitalism. And it isn't

00:26:01.340 manly because now you're stealing from somebody else. And I don't consider that to be a manly quality

00:26:05.960 or characteristic masculine, maybe because you want what I have and I'm going to take it,

00:26:09.940 but certainly not manly. Yeah. Totally. Cause I, I, there is crony capitalism. There is manipulation.

00:26:17.460 There is greed. I'm not, I'm not so oblivious to not acknowledge those things exist, but that's not

00:26:25.140 a by-product of the capitalistic system. That's a by-product of humans, humans. Exactly. Yeah.

00:26:31.400 Screw things up. So yes, there are faults and problems, but you can't show me another system

00:26:38.720 as effective in lifting people out of poverty, in innovation, in competition that drives innovation

00:26:45.900 and lowers prices and makes things more efficient and effective that leads to, uh, more wealth and

00:26:51.600 abundance that leads to medical care that leads to advancements in technology. There's not a better

00:26:56.820 system out there than capitalism driven by, and at its foundation, an element of manliness.

00:27:05.340 Love it. Austin King in his book, Jordan Peterson has his ninth rule, which is to assume the person

00:27:12.340 you're listening to might know something you don't with that. How do you find the balance and being

00:27:17.420 open-minded enough to listen to people who may know more than you on certain topics while also staying

00:27:23.000 convicted enough to vehemently defend your beliefs? Essentially, how do you stay humble enough to

00:27:32.360 change your mind while also being convicted enough to what, you know, to defend what you believe is

00:27:38.160 true? I really don't think those two, two positions are at odds with each other. Yeah. And, and just

00:27:45.360 because you listen to somebody or hear another opinion doesn't mean like, if you're threatened by that,

00:27:50.080 then I would say you need more work and being convicted in, in your beliefs. Like I'm, I'm never

00:27:56.100 threatened by anything else that I hear. I may not agree with it. I actually might think it's dangerous

00:28:02.680 even. Yeah. I mean, there's certain ideology, uh, transgenderism, critical race theory. Like there's

00:28:08.480 certain ideology that I think is very dangerous. Socialism, communism, those are dangerous ideas

00:28:13.240 that doesn't threaten my own worldview. I actually, I want to hear what you have to say because it's so

00:28:19.640 far out of the realm of my own thought process that I, in a lot of cases, I can't even believe

00:28:25.160 that certain people would think the way they do, but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to hear them

00:28:29.260 out. And, and if you're curious, like we talked about earlier, then what you're going to do is you're

00:28:34.200 going to ponder on a statement that's made and you're going to ask yourself, is that true?

00:28:39.020 Here's the two questions I would ask. Is that true? And does that serve me? Yeah. And if the answer

00:28:47.940 is no to either one of those, I really don't have to go any further and move on. Yeah. If the answer

00:28:54.500 is yes, there isn't, even if the entirety is not true, but yes, there is an element of truth to that

00:29:00.400 thing that's being said, that opinion, that perspective, that ideology. And yes, I can see how,

00:29:06.400 if I incorporate that into my life, that I will be served better through dot, dot, dot. Then I think

00:29:13.100 probably ought to entertain that thought. I think that would be a good idea. I also look to the

00:29:19.000 credibility of people as well. And uncredible, is that what it, uncredible? That doesn't sound right.

00:29:26.320 Uncredible. People who are not credible can actually get things right. They can, they can get lucky and they

00:29:35.620 can get things right, but just be cautious. So when people are sharing ideas, like Jordan Peterson's

00:29:41.800 a great example. Well, he's pretty credible. Yeah. He's got degrees in psychology. He was

00:29:47.260 clinically trained. He's, he's been in practice. He's had thousands, I'm sure of patients. He's

00:29:54.080 talked with people. That's, that's pretty credible. I think I'm going to listen, but if I'm going to

00:29:59.340 listen to the guy who picks up my garbage, talk about a clinical depression, I'm like, okay,

00:30:05.020 well, I don't, that's not a credible information from somewhere else. Yeah, exactly. And so could

00:30:10.740 he be right? Yeah. He could get something right. But again, there's a little litmus test there

00:30:14.680 to know whether or not this is somebody worth listening to. Yeah, for sure. Who's who wrote

00:30:20.400 fifth agreement? Is it Miguel Luis, right? Yeah. Don. Yeah. Is it Don, Don Miguel Ruiz? Don, Don

00:30:27.700 Luis. Yeah. Ruiz. Look it up. Holy cow. So yes, he has two books, the fourth agreement and the fifth

00:30:33.820 agreement and the fifth agreement, he adds a fifth agreement and it's to be, oh shoot, what is it?

00:30:43.560 Really to question everything. But, and, and I'm going to add my definition to it. Question from the

00:30:49.480 perspective that everyone has a story and it's their perception. And what you're sharing with me,

00:30:56.060 Ryan is often a combination of maybe knowledge that you have, but your experiences as well as how it

00:31:03.720 relates to you and what it means about you as an individual with what you're sharing. Like, and when

00:31:10.040 you package that up and we listen, man, that's so powerful, right? Because now someone's sharing from

00:31:15.920 what perspective to validate their own options. Are they sharing because they want to make sure that

00:31:21.480 they feel good about the decision they made? Like what's the real motive of the share? And, and I

00:31:28.980 think in that, not only can we possibly consider someone else's point of view, but we can actually

00:31:35.040 learn from them, right? Like even the LBGQ or like the gender discussion, it's actually very interesting

00:31:43.280 to even still hear the debate because now you can start listening from, from a, from a place of

00:31:50.940 humanity and understand like, why, what is the human behavior? Why is this so critical? Why are you

00:31:57.460 losing your emotions in this debate? And you're not willing to look at this logically. What does it mean

00:32:03.400 about you? If you're wrong, man, there's just so much to learn about humans and about why they're

00:32:11.340 taking a stand or why they're willing to debate about something. If you go beyond just what they're

00:32:16.120 saying, you consider what it means about them. And, and I would also say, you don't have to care

00:32:21.360 about everything. Yeah. That's, that's one thing people need to be aware of is like, it seems like

00:32:26.640 everybody wants to have an opinion about everything. And the fact of the matter is like, there's just

00:32:30.380 certain things I just don't care about. Yeah. That's okay. Like you don't need to have an opinion.

00:32:35.040 Sometimes not having a response is the response. Like that isn't important to me. I'm not going to

00:32:39.100 waste brain cells on that. Yeah. But if it is important, then you should learn. You should. So I,

00:32:43.960 I pulled this up kit just to give you some support here on this one. It is Don Miguel Ruiz that,

00:32:50.260 so we had that right. Miguel Ruiz. Okay. Yeah. Ruiz. R-U-I-Z. Ruiz. Ruiz. Ruiz.

00:32:54.860 And the fifth agreement is, I'm just pulling it up here. Be skeptical, but learn to listen.

00:33:00.860 That's the fifth. Yeah. There you go. And, and I like that word choice of skeptical versus

00:33:06.200 pessimistic. Yeah. Because it is easy to become a pessimist and a pessimist to me is somebody who's

00:33:12.920 just always negative. They're looking to poke holes and arguments to fight, to be contentious

00:33:17.060 because they don't agree with it or they don't like it. And they're looking for it to be wrong.

00:33:21.280 And that's not, that's not what we should be doing. You know, if we go back to the scientific

00:33:25.840 method, you shouldn't have an opinion about your, your data. Like you should have a hypothesis and

00:33:35.000 then you should try to get to the root of it without an opinion about it because the opinion

00:33:40.060 is going to cloud it. So if you're like, Hey, I really want this to work, then it's going to cloud

00:33:43.980 your experiment and you're going to come up with a faulty conclusion. And it's the same thing when

00:33:49.080 you're trying to have discussions. If you have this like really heavy opinion about the way it

00:33:54.120 should be, and you're not trying to set that aside, even momentarily to give somebody an honest

00:33:59.440 shake with, with the discussion that's important to you, then I think you're doing yourself a

00:34:04.300 disservice. So let it, let it go and just try to look at it as objectively as possible. Yes. Be

00:34:10.080 skeptical, meaning you ask questions and you try to figure out where the flaws are and what's right

00:34:14.560 and what's wrong, but not to make it wrong to really get to the root of the matter. Yeah. Which,

00:34:20.720 which to his point and listen requires an attempt to understand, which is perfect. Yeah. Yeah. Cool.

00:34:28.420 Jason Fortreed, should the church do more to promote and support home education over public

00:34:33.620 schooling? If so, what would that look like? I, I'm, I would be careful with should, I don't,

00:34:40.740 I don't really know. I mean, if, if a congregation, if I would say if a church congregation or certain

00:34:46.540 denomination decided that that was going to help move people closer to God, then I would say, yes,

00:34:51.280 the church has a obligation and responsibility to do that. I do believe that family, the family unit

00:34:57.560 is a divine structure as a divine setup. And so to me, I'm just kind of thinking out loud that anything

00:35:05.400 that brings the family closer together, that turns, as they say, the hearts of the fathers to their

00:35:10.360 children and the children or the hearts of the fathers to their children and vice versa is probably

00:35:15.320 a good thing. Like that's probably what we should be doing. So I, I guess, I guess I would say, yes,

00:35:22.880 I would, I would hope that the church would encourage family learning, family growth, family

00:35:28.320 development, the parents stepping into the role fully by educating their children, maybe not exclusively,

00:35:33.360 but certainly being more involved in it. Yeah. And, and what does that look like? Well, I think it looks

00:35:39.680 like providing guidance and direction and even training and resources and bringing in specialists

00:35:47.560 and offering support and having nights and getting the children together who maybe aren't going to a

00:35:55.240 public school together in the chapel to do, you know, homeschool learning and, and being together and

00:36:01.240 learning how to play basketball or, or read the gospel together and interact in a social environment.

00:36:07.480 There's a lot of things the church can do. So I haven't heard that question. It's a very

00:36:11.920 interesting question. So I'm kind of rambling, I think a little bit, but I, but I'm also just

00:36:15.680 thinking out loud. I would say, yeah, anything that will move families closer together is, I would say

00:36:23.360 is, is a divine directive. We've, we've been called to operate as family units. So yes, I would say,

00:36:32.820 yes. Manish Thakrar, how to figure out your path when you feel like you've lost your way.

00:36:40.520 Don't figure out the path, just figure out the next step.

00:36:45.820 Look, don't look too far ahead. Don't look too far. I know there's a lot of like goal setting

00:36:50.940 and vision and, and we talk a lot about that. Yeah. But when you've lost your way and I've lost my

00:36:56.440 way, Kip, I know you've lost your way. Like we've all been in dark places. It's overwhelming.

00:37:01.520 You know, if you're in a dark tunnel, like you just stepped in this tunnel, it's dark and you,

00:37:07.200 you don't even see any light anywhere. It's really overwhelming to think that you're going to get out

00:37:13.860 of this tunnel. Yeah. But you're certainly capable of taking one step. You can, you can definitely do

00:37:19.980 that. And when you're done with that and you have your footing under you, you can take another one.

00:37:25.600 Like you can do that. And then a hundredth and then a thousandth and then a 10,000 step.

00:37:31.620 And then maybe on that 10,000 first step, you see a little, a little pinprick of light in front of

00:37:39.440 you, in the center of you. And you're like, Oh, what is that? And you take another step and it

00:37:43.360 gradually grows and it gets bigger and bigger. And then, then you start to have hope. Now you're

00:37:49.420 visualizing the future. You're like, Oh, that's where I want to go. I didn't know,

00:37:52.280 but I want to go there. And so now you pick up the pace, right? And you have hope and optimism.

00:37:58.700 And let's say you might see it. And then you step on a rock. You didn't see, and you roll your ankle

00:38:03.040 and you fall down. Well, you look and you're like, okay, that hurts, but there's a light. I

00:38:08.140 got to get back up, but you don't get to see the light until you take the first step. That's the

00:38:11.920 point I'm making. Yeah. So really, I don't want guys who are in the pit of despair right now to be

00:38:16.560 like, what vision planning and goal setting? And should I go climb Mount Everest? I mean, if,

00:38:21.460 if you have enough hope and you think you can do that, then I'm not going to say don't do it,

00:38:25.080 but if you don't feel like you can, don't be disheartened about it. Don't think you're,

00:38:30.320 you're a bad person or you're an idiot or a fool, or you should kill yourself. People think that

00:38:35.380 they're depressed. Just get up and just take a step. Like if you went through a divorce,

00:38:42.920 the first thing you can do is get up and brush your teeth. Like you can do that. Yeah. I know you

00:38:50.720 don't want to, but you can do that. And then when you're done with that, you can take a shower

00:38:55.900 and you could go downstairs and cook yourself some eggs and you could call a friend and say,

00:39:01.900 Hey, I'd like to go to the gym. Will you come with me? And, and then you can go back into work.

00:39:07.220 Like these are small steps that you can do. And we shouldn't overlook how important those things are

00:39:12.280 when you're in the pit of despair. And then one day, maybe it's six months, maybe it's a year,

00:39:16.980 maybe it's less, maybe it's more, you know, you won't really even think about that. It'll be

00:39:21.560 a distant memory that sucked. You remember it sucked, but you're not dwelling in it. You're not

00:39:27.700 in it. You're out of it. And you can move forward the way that you want to move forward.

00:39:33.080 Ryan, would you add any recommendations on those steps? Right? Like I know you gave an example,

00:39:39.540 like just, you know, keep moving, brush your teeth, go to work. You know what I mean?

00:39:42.960 Cook some breakfast, but let's say they're doing just those bare minimums. They're still in that

00:39:49.000 dark place. What is the step, right? Do you, do you have some recommendations? Is it a minor step

00:39:56.040 in a direction that, you know, you should be, is it at least a step in the areas of your physical

00:40:01.880 wellbeing at a, at a minimum with maybe some steps from a, from a spiritual side? Like what would you

00:40:08.840 recommend those steps be? So there's, there's a few realms that I would say. So I'll talk about

00:40:15.880 broadly and then I'll give you some specifics in each of those realms. So it's the realms that you

00:40:20.940 need to improve are mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual. Those are, those are the realms

00:40:27.460 balance, mental, emotional, physical, spiritual. So as long as what you're doing is moving you in the

00:40:34.320 right direction and each of, or all of those four realms, you're, you're going in the right

00:40:39.460 direction. So if it's mental, then you need to stimulate your mind because here's what happens

00:40:46.360 for guys that are dealing with depression or divorce or bankruptcy, a lawsuit, like any number

00:40:51.860 of things that could happen, a medical issue is they don't stimulate their mind. And then what happens?

00:40:57.960 The mind starts stimulating itself. It's like, okay, well, you know, this is going wrong. This is why

00:41:03.460 you're a loser. You're an idiot. And here's, you should kill yourself and nobody loves you and

00:41:08.480 everything's going wrong. And it's going to be like this forever. That's your mind trying to

00:41:12.940 stimulate itself. We have these things called cognitive distortions. You guys should look it up.

00:41:18.760 I dealt with this. I don't deal with it as much anymore. I still do. But when something goes wrong,

00:41:24.160 our minds automatically jump to the worst possible scenario. It's a defense mechanism. It's a survival

00:41:30.480 survival technique. Yeah. That's, that's all it is. And, but you need to be aware of it because

00:41:34.860 what you're going through likely isn't going to kill you. Okay. Now, if you see you're out walking

00:41:41.540 the street at 10 o'clock at night and you see a shady person and they have a gun or a knife,

00:41:46.480 you should probably jump to the worst case scenario in that. Like, Hey, that person's going to try to

00:41:51.380 kill me. They're going to try to stab me or shoot me and steal my money. And you should probably

00:41:57.040 jump to the worst case scenario and get yourself out of that environment. But the overwhelming

00:42:02.600 majority of what we deal with is, is not the end of the world. I promise you. Okay. Like let's say

00:42:08.240 here's one, your wife calls you in the middle of the day and she's like, hon, I really need to talk

00:42:12.360 with you tonight. Can we talk this evening when you get home? What's your mind doing right now?

00:42:18.140 Already? Yeah. She's leaving me. She's cheating on me. She caught me doing something I know I

00:42:24.020 should have been doing. Uh, we're going to get an argument. The world's going to end. Um, my kids,

00:42:29.680 she's going to take my kids and we're going to, and then she actually just wants to talk with you

00:42:33.320 about the summer vacation plans that you have. Yeah. Yeah. So like we do some, our minds do some

00:42:40.100 crazy stuff. So stimulate your mind. So that's mental. Emotional is developing some emotional

00:42:45.940 resilience and building in some strategies that are going to help you overcome when you are feeling

00:42:51.820 emotional. And you are, when you're going through difficult times, you're sad, you're mad, you're

00:42:56.360 angry, you're guilty, this whole range of emotions. And so you can act out on those things, or you can

00:43:03.940 realize that, yes, I'm angry right now and I feel betrayed. And so here's what I'm going to do to

00:43:09.940 overcome these thoughts. I'm going to make myself better. I'm going to surround myself with better

00:43:13.660 people. Um, I'm not going to allow these emotions to dictate my behavior. I'm going to consider my

00:43:19.800 emotions, but then I'm going to make rational decisions. And here's my, my decision-making

00:43:24.960 process. And you start working through what that is. And then putting some defense mechanisms in

00:43:30.020 for yourself. Like when I get angry about something or stressed, cool. I'm going to put everything down,

00:43:35.580 push myself out from the desk, put my phone down, and I'm just going to go walk around for an hour.

00:43:41.120 And I tell my wife, hon, I'm going to go for a walk or I'm going to go for a drive. And that's

00:43:44.980 some emotional tools that I use. Um, physical, that's pretty easy. Just go to the gym. Maybe

00:43:52.700 it's not even the gym. Maybe it's just, Hey, you know what? Just get up and do 20 push-ups right

00:43:56.560 now. Or I've got weights all over. I've got Indian clubs and kettlebells and different weights. And

00:44:02.680 so like, I'll pick them up. I've got like a hatchet right there. And I'll like, and I'll like just

00:44:06.640 hold it at the wall. Yeah. Just smash it with it. Emotional, hold it in the air, or I'll put it,

00:44:13.440 I'll put it behind my back and like stretch out my tries and shoulders and do extensions and

00:44:17.960 do push-ups. Like I might stand at my desk. This is a desk that goes up and down. I might stand and

00:44:24.740 just like, you know, just try to move or you go to the gym or go to jujitsu. Okay. So that's physical

00:44:30.360 and then spiritual, just read, read, read the Bible, read, read, um, uh, Don Miguel Ruiz. You could read,

00:44:40.100 you could read that like anything spiritually related. And when I say that I'm talking about

00:44:43.740 higher purpose, that's what I'm talking about. So it could be something with God, something

00:44:48.880 religious. It could be something that, that calls you to, to be a better person, to serve in some

00:44:55.720 charitable capacity, to maybe get inspiration from other people who are spiritual that you want to

00:45:01.700 learn from that you're inspired by. Uh, it could be go to, go to church. Uh, it could go,

00:45:06.800 go to a charity or like a food bank and serve. These are all spiritual components that you can,

00:45:13.860 you can be doing, but those, those are the realms. And there's a few ideas on what you could do.

00:45:17.740 Cool. I think, but don't dismiss it because it's small. Like, that's what I would say.

00:45:21.780 Yeah. Like, like imagine that you're 50 pounds overweight and some of you guys are and more right

00:45:27.080 now. And you're thinking to yourself, man, I just want to get in shape, but I'm 50 pounds overweight.

00:45:33.820 Like I'll never take forever. Can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. This is not going to be

00:45:39.360 possible. And then you, you think to yourself, well, maybe I'll go to the gym and then, and then

00:45:44.800 the next breath you're like, yeah, but I don't have anything to wear to the gym. Like people are

00:45:49.040 going to stare at me. It's hard. That's not going to do anything. Like go to the gym once is not going

00:45:55.440 to do anything. It's something, you know, or, or maybe you just decide, Hey, I'm going to stop

00:46:00.400 drinking Coke. That's something, there's something to be said for that. And then when you get a handle

00:46:05.940 on that, then it's, I'm going to cut out all processed sugars. And then when you get on a

00:46:10.160 handle on that, you're like, you know what? I'm going to do food prep. Now I'm going to prepare

00:46:13.820 my meals ahead of time. And when you get a handle on that, you're like, you know, I'm losing weight.

00:46:17.920 Like I feel pretty good, but I'd like to build some muscle. And so I'm going to pick up some heavy

00:46:21.820 things. And so you do that, you know, you just build upon it. That's all I'm saying. Go back and

00:46:28.120 listen to, uh, the Friday field notes. I think it's called, I think I titled it the power of

00:46:32.320 incremental improvement. And that will actually talk a lot about what we're talking about right

00:46:36.440 now. Okay. I think we did Manisha a solid there. All right. Christian, uh, Maldonado,

00:46:43.440 Maldonado, how do you feel with an unsupportive mother-in-law as a man? How do you deal with it?

00:46:50.000 How do you deal with an unsupported mother-in-law?

00:46:52.180 Um, I I'm not really too wrapped up in what my mother-in-law thinks of me. I mean, it is,

00:46:59.520 I'm not going to say it's not important because she's got a lot of weight with your wife.

00:47:02.940 Yeah. It will affect you whether you like it or not. Yeah, totally. So I'm not really going to try

00:47:09.320 to win her, her over. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to be the best damn husband for my

00:47:13.240 wife. And when mother-in-law makes snippy comments or says something rude or whatever,

00:47:18.400 my wife's going to be like, what are you talking about? Like he's home every night. He's putting

00:47:24.720 food on the table. We are connected. He's asking about me. He cares for our kids. He,

00:47:30.320 he goes out of his way. He makes sacrifices for us, but then he also makes sacrifices to be with us.

00:47:36.400 Like, and that anything that she would say is just at complete odds with the way that your wife feels

00:47:43.400 about you. And that, I don't, I wouldn't do that for my mother-in-law. I would do that for myself

00:47:49.380 first, not actually my wife first. I do that for myself first and also for my wife. And the by-product

00:47:57.580 is, you know, something that better, better relationship potentially with your mother-in-law.

00:48:03.940 Now I know there's vindictive people out there. And in that case, what I would say is you and your

00:48:08.980 wife, you need to be able to establish that influence with your wife, but then you also

00:48:13.280 need to talk about the boundaries that you have in place. Because if you have that level of influence

00:48:19.560 with your wife and you have those concerns, she's going to hear those concerns. And then you're

00:48:24.900 going to have to say, Hey hon, we really need to put some boundaries in place because your mom is

00:48:29.560 a toxic factor in our relationship and the relationship with our kids. And I'm not going to

00:48:35.900 have that come between you and me or between us and our children. And if you're doing what you should

00:48:42.760 be doing and all the things that you committed to, she's going to respect that. And she's going to

00:48:48.580 work with you on that. There's tactful ways you have to do it, but she will work with you on that.

00:48:52.540 But if you're not doing it and then you say, Hey, let's set a boundary. She's like, screw you.

00:48:56.640 Who are you? Yeah. Right. Yeah. You're the asshole that my mom warns me about. Right.

00:49:01.080 And she's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kevin Anderson. How can I maintain a positive environment for my

00:49:09.100 daughter age seven and my son age one and a half when mom acts as though she prefers to be a part-time

00:49:16.320 parent? It angers me, but I don't want my kids to feel my emotions about the situation. Obviously

00:49:23.060 we are separated. So I have no choice, but to control my end of the situation. Yeah. I mean,

00:49:28.880 that's it. I mean, you really just said it. And you know what? I would, I would actually,

00:49:35.080 people are going to say things like, Oh, you're being a beta. You're being a cuck. This is what

00:49:39.160 people are going to say when I say this, but I don't think it is, is like, appreciate your ex

00:49:44.000 when she's doing things right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Maybe she doesn't want to be there all the time.

00:49:50.040 Maybe she hates her kids. The majority of the time, maybe she hates you. Maybe she's an evil person.

00:49:55.040 Maybe she's into drugs. Like maybe she cheated on you. I mean, there's a thousand things it could

00:50:00.040 be, but there's also some things that she might've got right. You know, like she picked up the kids

00:50:05.980 and she showed up on time and they went to the park and they had a great day and the kids were

00:50:09.160 excited and it was only for two hours, but like, okay, cool. That's what she can give. Like maybe

00:50:15.760 drop the expectations. It sounds like the kids are, it sounds like to me that the kids are with,

00:50:20.600 with him full-time. That's kind of what I'm gathering. Yeah. Cause she only wants to be a

00:50:25.420 part-time mom. That's kind of, and I'm wondering, or she's just checked out whenever the kids are with

00:50:30.320 her. Right. Yeah. And that's unfortunate, you know? So I would definitely say, you know, fight for your

00:50:37.080 rights too. I don't know if you have custody, but if, if you don't, then maybe that's a battle you want

00:50:43.200 to consider, but you know, there's probably some things she's getting right and acknowledge those

00:50:47.300 because you could dwell on the negatives, but what's that going to change? It's not nothing.

00:50:51.620 It's only going to get worse. So, Hey, you know what? Yeah. Maybe she's not a great mom,

00:50:57.040 but you know, they had a good day today and I'll take it. Yeah. And there's one thing he wrote here

00:51:03.700 that kind of raised up a red flag for me. He says, but I don't want my kids to fill my emotions about

00:51:10.920 the situation. And the answer is they will. So change your emotions about the situation,

00:51:18.180 right? There is no, there is no, like, I feel this way, but I'm going to hide it. No, no, no,

00:51:23.820 no. You need to change the way you feel about it, which to your point, Ryan, change your,

00:51:29.220 have some empathy, understand where mom's at, try to deal with your emotions because they're going to

00:51:34.040 pick it up. If you're pissed off at mom all the time and you think she's worthless, that's going to

00:51:38.460 come across. And guess what? That's their mom. And that their identity is tied to mom. So,

00:51:45.480 and it sounds a little extreme, but if you're bitching about mom, you're bitching about them.

00:51:51.120 Oh, totally. It's not extreme at all. That's how the kids are going to see it. So you better change

00:51:55.840 your mindset or you're attacking your kids. I agree. I wholeheartedly agree with that. I was

00:52:01.500 thinking about it. Like when you talk negative, think about this. How do you feel when people talk

00:52:07.680 negatively about people that you like? Yeah. It offends you. Yeah. I'm like, screw you buddy.

00:52:15.240 Like, I don't want to be around you. Like I like that person. I care about that person and you're

00:52:20.260 going to talk poorly about them. So basically you're not only you're talking poorly about somebody I love,

00:52:26.460 but you're actually, that's an indictment against me too. Yeah. Like you're insulting me for even being

00:52:32.420 in that relationship or feeling the way that I feel about that person. So think about what your kids

00:52:36.480 are experiencing. Now think about on the other hand, Hey, you know what? Your mom really cares

00:52:41.240 about you, man. She took you to the park today. That's awesome. You guys must've had a great time

00:52:47.840 where when the kids say something great about mom, like, Oh, she cooked us dinner. Like you don't have

00:52:53.860 to love the woman to say, well, that was, that's awesome. How was it? Oh, she, it was delicious. Good.

00:52:58.700 She, she was always a great cook. Yeah. You don't have to love the woman to say that.

00:53:03.920 Yeah. And they'll feel more loved by you expressing that reaction against their mom. Yeah. And then I

00:53:10.500 hear guys will say, well, but my wife's talking poorly about me. Well, yeah, they're going to have

00:53:15.220 that. The kids are going to have that feeling towards their mother. So as they get older, what's

00:53:20.540 going to happen? They're going to naturally want to be around you and not around her because they feel

00:53:28.560 good and encouraged and edified and uplifted and special when they're with you. And they may not

00:53:34.600 feel that way when they're with their, their mother. So that's fine. Let the, let it play out. It's good.

00:53:40.820 Trust me. Trust me. Okay. There's nothing she could say or do that would undermine their own experience

00:53:47.500 with you. Yeah. And she might, she actually might try to make you out as a villain, but when the kids

00:53:53.800 come and see you, if you play the part, then you just made her right. Yep. But if they come and see

00:54:00.960 you and you're not the villain, you're the hero, they're like, dad's awesome. When we spend time with

00:54:06.860 us and we watch, you know, funny movies together, we go to the movies and he gets us popcorn and too

00:54:12.280 many candies. And then we do like, we made a tent and we had a sleepover and we did all the

00:54:17.480 cool stuff. And then they go home and she's like, yeah, he's evil. They're like, what,

00:54:21.980 what are you talking about? They might not vocalize it, but they know, they know the truth

00:54:26.800 of it. Totally. And it's hard, Kevin, like we all know this, right? If you know that your

00:54:33.980 ex is speaking ill about you to your kids, when you go pick them up, the natural instinct will be

00:54:40.440 my kids don't care. My kids don't want to hang out with me. They think this about me because

00:54:46.280 they're mom. So you actually start like almost like self-fulfilling prophecy show up as though

00:54:52.060 you're already the demon and they don't want to be around you. And it just perpetuates the narrative

00:54:58.680 even more. Right. Yeah. One more thought really quick. I, one of my favorite books,

00:55:03.400 outward mindset, Harberger Institute, they have the pyramid. And at the top of the pyramid is

00:55:08.340 ultimately when we have influence. And I always thought this was really interesting. The bottom and

00:55:12.860 the base of the pyramid is establishing relationship. That's number two. Guess what's

00:55:18.060 below that? Establishing a relationship with people of influence. So you want to be in a

00:55:25.420 position to affect your kids in a positive way. Guess what? Guess who has great influence over them?

00:55:30.780 Their mom. You need to have a relationship with her because it then puts you in a better area of

00:55:37.200 authority to be able to be, to be in a position to coach your children. So if, if not for yourself,

00:55:44.760 if not for them, do it from a perspective of what do I need to do or how do I need to show up to be

00:55:50.900 able to influence my kids in a positive way? And it is a relationship with their mom, whether you like

00:55:54.900 it or not. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Cool. Any more questions or we get through them all?

00:55:59.180 Um, no, we didn't get through them all. Oh, I go for one more or yeah, let's take one more. No

00:56:04.220 problem. Okay. Michael, uh, Volkenberg two-part question related to sports. What's a good tactic

00:56:10.900 for teaching your young boys to be aggressive when it's needed. And number two, how do you teach kids

00:56:16.320 not to be afraid of the ball? I like that. The ball's easy. You just hit them in the face with it a

00:56:22.660 bunch of times until they get over it. You hit them with the bat and then they're like, Oh, I prefer the

00:56:27.880 ball at me. Dodge a wrench. Um, yeah. I don't know. I, I guess when I was, my kids were younger,

00:56:36.020 if they were afraid, I'd be like, throw that ball at me. Like, just throw it at me.

00:56:41.660 Yeah. And like hit me in the back with it or something or in the chest, like as hard as you

00:56:46.120 can throw it at me and they'd throw it. And I'm like, yeah, that's hurt, but I'm still here. Okay.

00:56:52.300 Yeah. And it's all right. Like it hurts. Like sometimes you're going to get hit with a ball and that's

00:56:55.860 just part of the deal. And so can I throw this ball at you now? I won't do it hard, but can I

00:57:00.300 throw this at you? And they're like, yeah. And so you throw the ball at them. Like you don't beat

00:57:04.500 them with the ball. You just throw it at them. And you're like, did that hurt? And they say, yeah,

00:57:08.160 that hurt. And you're like, okay. And well, I'm okay. Right. That's just part of life. And so it

00:57:16.200 actually is a psychological principle of introducing people to the things they're scared of. You introduce

00:57:21.680 gradually and controlled environments. And then over time, they become less and less scared of it.

00:57:25.480 This is a psychological principle. And I think it's the same with, yeah, of course they're going

00:57:30.440 to be scared. Like whether it's a baseball or a football whizzing at their face, like any human's

00:57:35.680 going to be scared of that. Yeah. Right. So you just teach them to deal with it that, yeah, it hurts,

00:57:41.040 but pain isn't like the end, end all be all. It's just, it is what it is. And when do you get hurt by

00:57:46.800 the ball when you're afraid of it? Right. Like those are the times that you're going to end up taking the

00:57:51.540 baseball to the face, right. Is when you're, you're timid from it. I remember when Kyavi was

00:57:56.440 younger, I told him, if you, if you don't aggressively go to the ball, the ball will hurt

00:58:02.540 you. Yeah, totally. And so, so when we played catch, it was you go to the ball. Don't like

00:58:08.520 let the ball come to you and then end up having it pop out of your mitt and hit you in the face.

00:58:12.920 Right. Like you have to go to the ball and you show the ball who's boss, then the ball won't hurt

00:58:18.240 you, you know? Yeah. So, um, yeah, anyhow, those, there's your ball tactics, but, uh, I was going

00:58:24.960 to say, I also, yeah, I think this will answer that question too, is I reward good behavior

00:58:31.420 just through, just through, uh, enforcement of, of that good behavior. So if, if, for example, um,

00:58:41.380 one of your kids, like my son, my second son, he scraped his knee, his skateboarding the other

00:58:45.680 day, he fell off and scraped his knee. I didn't say, Oh, that hurts. And I'm sorry. I'm like,

00:58:49.780 that's awesome. Good job. Yeah. That scar is awesome. Like, look how cool that thing looks.

00:58:56.120 I'm like, does it hurt? And he's like, yeah. I'm like, can I touch it? And he's like, no,

00:58:59.900 I'm like, no, I want to touch it. Like, I want to feel it. Like, so I'll go touch it. And I'm like,

00:59:03.580 I know that hurts, but like, that's awesome. Look at mine. Look at this scar. Look at that. Look at this.

00:59:08.280 Oh, I don't know if you knew this, but when I was a kid, here's, I was doing a tricycle race

00:59:12.420 and I got cut by a palm. I've ran into a palm tree and I got this scar. Look how cool that was.

00:59:18.440 And it's cool. And all of a sudden it's like, yeah, it hurts, but that's minimal compared to

00:59:23.920 the fact that dad thinks I'm cool. Cause I have this scrape or this cutter, this bruised or black

00:59:28.080 eye or broken finger or whatever, you know, like cast are cool. When a kid gets a cash, you're like,

00:59:34.000 dude, that's rad. Yeah. Like not everybody gets to wear a cast. Yeah. You broke your arm.

00:59:38.560 That was awesome. Awesome job. Way to get back up. Yeah. Yeah. It was awesome. But it's the same

00:59:44.400 thing with aggression too, right? When your kid shows that moment of aggression, it's like, Hey,

00:59:48.960 you know what? Awesome. I don't, you missed the play or whatever, or missed the tackle or,

00:59:53.900 or didn't hit the base or whatever. But like, what I'm proud about is how aggressive you were.

00:59:58.040 That was really cool. The other thing I would say is that your young children, a lot of the times

01:00:04.220 are going to learn more from their peers and that are going to learn from you. So you can't really

01:00:09.160 teach them some of these things. They have to be around other boys specifically, and they have to

01:00:15.800 get dirty and fight and get mad at each other, arguments, punch and argue and push. Like they have

01:00:24.960 to do that. Okay. With reason. And we, I think too often we interject, like you remember, you see

01:00:32.200 a fight at school and like all the teachers rush. And I'm like, well, hold on. Like maybe actually

01:00:36.900 we should let them fight this out a little bit. Yeah. Like we don't want anybody to get hurt. Of

01:00:42.160 course, you know, but like maybe the best thing that can happen is those two men or young men at

01:00:48.100 school can punch each other a little bit and they'll come to some understanding. I don't know if that's

01:00:53.920 right. I'm just kind of curious if maybe we ought to let that happen a little more. Totally. Right.

01:00:58.380 So I think that's something you could do is get them involved around other boys. And the other

01:01:03.100 thing that you need to be aware of is that, well, my oldest son, and a lot of you guys know him,

01:01:09.240 Brecken, was never a really aggressive kid. Like I sounded very much similar to what you're asking.

01:01:15.660 Like, how do I get him to be more aggressive? I saw something in one time when he was little

01:01:20.800 and he just wasn't aggressive. He wasn't a go getter. He likes sports, but just wasn't real

01:01:24.580 aggressive compared to the other kids. And then we did a Spartan race and I saw something in him

01:01:30.080 that I like never saw before. Like the light just like clicked. And then we started doing other

01:01:36.360 things, jujitsu and things like this. And he got into powerlifting and I see something in him in that,

01:01:42.440 that he just never had any other sport. Never. And he's got this friend that he really,

01:01:48.180 really likes and respects and they're good friends. And he had his friend come to lifting

01:01:52.100 with him. And his coach sent me a text. He's like, Hey, send, send his friend with him. Every

01:01:58.720 time I saw something in Brecken, I've never seen before because he's competing with his friend.

01:02:03.580 He wants to beat his friend. Yeah. So that's the peer thing. And then also it's finding the right

01:02:09.740 avenues. Like what he's doing, he may not be super aggressive in also, he may just never be an

01:02:16.480 aggressive kid on the, on the, on the field. He may never, and that's okay, but you better get

01:02:22.680 comfortable with it. Cause some kids just aren't going to be that. My daughter's not. Yeah. Like

01:02:27.440 she kind of is like little pokey just kind of runs. I'm like, what are you doing? Like I get so

01:02:31.400 frustrated, but I'm like, Oh no, she's not like, it's different. And that's okay. That's fine.

01:02:35.800 It's not a big deal. Yeah. That's really interesting. I remember the first time I took Kika

01:02:40.160 to jujitsu and they were preparing for a tournament. It was really bad time to start her

01:02:46.640 off because the kids are like matched up and they're doing like tournament style. And we

01:02:52.140 left them like, Hey, you know, how was it, honey? You know, did you have a good time? She's

01:02:56.120 like, I felt like those kids were trying to hurt me. And I was like, yes, they were.

01:03:02.620 Well, she's like, I don't like that feeling, you know? I'm like, yeah. Okay. You know, but

01:03:11.000 then she does gymnastics and no joke. They had a class party and it was a challenge. Whoever

01:03:20.100 could do practice the most back handsprings in a class. I saw it. This was this weekend.

01:03:26.200 No, that was her showcase, but that was her. Oh, got it. Yeah. Her looking all over the mat.

01:03:30.580 Yeah. This girl came home and did thousands of back handsprings by herself. She won the party.

01:03:41.480 If none of her classmates even participated, she outdid the other classes all on her own.

01:03:47.920 That's awesome. Make it aggressive and just, you know what I mean? But to your point,

01:03:53.320 there was just a spark and she was just willing to grind out some serious reps for that sport.

01:04:00.580 Yeah. But jujitsu, she's kind of like, Hey, you know what? I kind of don't like someone trying

01:04:04.840 to choke me. Right. Yeah. Brecken's the same way. You're like, he doesn't really, Brecken doesn't

01:04:10.400 even really like to wrestle or with me. Like, I'm like, what's your problem? Like, let's fight.

01:04:15.120 He's like, I don't want to like, he just doesn't like that. And my second and my fourth, Oh, all day long.

01:04:24.080 My, my lap, my fourth, he'll, he'll come up and just kick me just for no reason. And be like,

01:04:29.480 let's fight. Okay. Um, you know, but then on the, on, in the gym, my oldest is like, Hey,

01:04:37.880 I bet I can deadlift more than you. I'm like, cool, let's do it. And I still can beat him right

01:04:42.780 now, but he's way more aggressive there. He just doesn't want to wrestle. He doesn't want to do

01:04:48.140 jiu-jitsu, but he's just as aggressive in that vein. So maybe you're, maybe you look for another

01:04:52.300 vein. Yeah. So celebrate the behavior consistently, right? Second, figure out what areas they can find

01:05:02.480 aggression in, or they might be aggressive interests, whether they be hobbies or different

01:05:07.220 sports. Yep. And hit them more with the ball. I think. Yeah. Yeah. And if they're afraid of the

01:05:12.460 ball, throw them the bat and see what happens. I, I don't know. I, I don't, I don't have this

01:05:19.820 stuff figured out at all. It's, it's so interesting raising kids. And it is, I would say this with the

01:05:26.700 consistency of taught of, of celebrating is we, we always celebrate winning, right? Like that's what

01:05:34.100 we celebrate, but that's what we used to celebrate. Now we just celebrate participation. Yeah. I don't

01:05:39.440 think we should celebrate participation. I think we should celebrate excellence, whether we win or

01:05:44.660 lose the behavior. Yeah. The behavior. So if, if that baseball, you know, your kid steals second and

01:05:53.380 he goes as hard as he can and he gets thrown out, it's like, yeah, well, that didn't work, but you know

01:06:00.320 what? I saw you run as hard as you could. And that's going to be more important, the younger they are,

01:06:05.580 I think. But if you start building up that way, the winds will come, the winds will take care of

01:06:09.620 themselves. But if you start building up young, celebrating the effort, celebrating the behavior,

01:06:16.400 the winds will stack. Yeah. I love this conversation. I was having this conversation with

01:06:22.240 the wife a few weeks ago about if you really think your kids are, are thriving to identify themselves.

01:06:30.280 It's like identity crisis. And it's interesting. Just, you know, consider the thought process.

01:06:37.940 What's the drawback of you going to Brecken saying, Brecken, you're so talented. Brecken,

01:06:42.980 you're such a great athlete. Brecken, you're so this Brecken. So that, and then what happens when he's

01:06:47.140 not, what, what happens if he gets injured and he's not an athlete anymore,

01:06:54.420 or the other kids all sudden catch up with him and they're, they're better athletes than he is.

01:07:01.140 Then what? His world comes crushing down. Like I even think about this from my daughter's

01:07:05.580 perspective. You're so beautiful. You're so beautiful. You're so beautiful. Maybe I shouldn't

01:07:10.480 be pitching this idea that their identity is tied in being beautiful. Maybe there's some drawback to

01:07:18.920 that. Maybe it's better that I go, Hey, I love the way that you didn't give up. I love the way that you

01:07:26.380 drive through and do difficult things. I love the way that you're dedicated in your discipline to do

01:07:32.000 what is right. Maybe those are the things that we should be steering their identities into not

01:07:38.020 necessarily these elusive, you know, winning to your point, looking good, you know what I mean? Or these,

01:07:44.760 or, or these, um, intrinsic or really extrinsic values that they could maybe lose someday. And

01:07:50.900 we see this, you know, we've used this analogy with, with guys leaving the military and going to

01:07:55.780 civilian life. They lose their mission. Why? Because their identity was a warrior and now it's been taken

01:08:01.580 from them. And I don't know, it's an interesting thought process. And it really makes me nervous

01:08:07.600 about what I'm saying to my kids on a regular basis thinking, geez, is that really what I should be

01:08:12.820 promoting. Yeah, no, it's a good point. I would only, the only other thing I would add to is that

01:08:18.200 you do, you do want to be honest with your kids. Like, I don't, I don't lie to my kids. Like falsely.

01:08:24.360 Yeah. Yeah. Like for example, if Brecken didn't perform very well at his meet and he's like, Hey dad,

01:08:30.500 what did you think? I wouldn't lie to him about it. Yeah. Well, he knows too, right? Like what's the

01:08:35.940 damage of that when you're like, Oh, I love that you did so hard. Right. He goes, I didn't, I didn't push hard.

01:08:41.080 Right. Yeah. So I'm always honest. I would have said, I would say to him straight up, Hey man,

01:08:46.260 like you didn't have it today. Like it seemed like you were distracted or seemed like you didn't have

01:08:52.820 the fire or I'm not to beat him up, but to like figure it out. So like, what, what was up? Oh man,

01:08:59.000 I had a bad, bad couple of days or I didn't sleep very well last night. Oh, well it showed. So what do

01:09:05.060 we need to do next time when you get better sleep? Right. So what, how can we set that up? Right. So it's

01:09:09.740 always leading to a productive outcome, but yeah, don't lie to your kids. Like, like you said,

01:09:14.180 they know you, everybody knows and it just sets them up for failure. Yeah. Cool. All right,

01:09:21.480 brother. I think we're good with questions today. We'll save some for next week. You want to take us

01:09:25.660 home? Yep. Sounds good. So connect with us on Facebook. That's where we filled it. Our questions

01:09:30.700 today. Facebook.com slash group slash order, man. I see opens up in a little over 15 days.

01:09:38.780 Yeah. About two or three weeks. Yeah. So be prepared. Get ready. If you're on the fence,

01:09:45.860 you need to act quickly. Those spots fill up fairly quick and we'll have it open for a limited time.

01:09:52.300 And then as a reminder, Ryan's going to be giving away a book autograph book by Mr. Haynes,

01:10:00.620 Cam Haynes. And really what was it? Leave a rating review iTunes and then email Brandy

01:10:07.580 B-R-A-N-D-Y at orderofman.com. And you'll be entered in for the giveaway signed copy of

01:10:14.540 Endure by Cameron Haynes. Yeah. And we'll announce that on Friday. So act quickly over the next couple

01:10:19.920 of days. Yes, sir. All right. Thank you, Kip. Guys, thank you. Great questions today. Really enjoyed

01:10:24.560 that one. Keep the questions coming. We'll, we'll do our best to answer them and we'll be back on Friday

01:10:29.580 until then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening

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01:10:43.420 you

Order of Man - May 25, 2022

Is Capitalism Manly？, Conquer Your Biases, and Skepticism vs. Pessimism ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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