ITT 004： Creating a Legacy ｜ Justin Bailey
Episode Stats
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Summary
Justin Bailey is a husband, father, business owner, and community leader. He has been married to his wife for over 20 years and they have 3 kids together. Justin and I talk about what it's like to be a father and husband, and how important it is to have a good relationship with your kids.
Transcript
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Gentlemen, welcome to In the Trenches, an Order of Man podcast dedicated to interviewing
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ordinary, everyday men like you and me who are currently in the battle of becoming better
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You'll hear the good, the bad, and the ugly from guys who are striving to become stronger
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husbands, fathers, business owners, and community leaders.
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It's our mission to deliver the stories that will inspire you to become the man you are
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Your host for this podcast is a man who is not only in the trenches, but has drastically
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changed his life for the better over the past two years.
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I'm so excited to talk to Mr. Bubba Downs on the radio.
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I'm trying to be the best husband I can be every day, the best father I can be every
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I'm trying to figure out how I can solve the world's problems from my front porch.
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It's not easy, and I haven't figured it out, but I'm just trying to do a little bit every
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day to move in the direction of the man I want to be, the legacy I want to leave.
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I'm trying to make things a little bit better, man.
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I'm trying to be the kind of man that my kids grow up, and they want to emulate.
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When we get older, there's going to be a time when my kids are going to start doing the thing,
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whatever that is, at the family get-togethers and at the holidays.
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They're going to try to do something completely different than what dad did because he screwed
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it all up, or they're going to try to take the place of their dad and make things a little
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And right now, I'm just focused on my kids wanting to really emulate me.
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I'll tell you one more thing, too, while we're talking about this, in that it's difficult
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My two older boys are almost completely different.
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So we both resonate in different ways with each other.
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So it's not a one-size-fits-all kind of a thing where the kid just always wants to be
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And then I got a third son now that's 11 months old, and I don't have a clue what's going
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But I know I'm a completely different father now with an 11-month-old than I was with a
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And once they get a little bit older like that, and you know, how old's your boy, Bubba?
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So that's about the time when they start really figuring out who they are, the very beginning
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And my 12-year-old, he's now got major outside influences, and he's got all that kind of
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And I'm kind of just trying to figure out, okay, where do I insert myself to maintain
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the guide, but yet allow him to grow as his own human and into his own man?
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Yeah, and that's something that I'm running into right now, because my six-year-old, dude,
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he's definitely figuring out who he wants to be, and who he wants to be is somebody that
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You've got to let them buck a little bit, but you've still got to kind of try to course
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And some days we go to bed, and we think we did a terrible job, and some days you kind
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And, you know, and then that's why it's important to have guys like you that we can reach out
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You know, we have different thoughts and different beliefs here and there, but the reality is we
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We can be the best husband and father or, you know, the best human.
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We just, you know, we want our kids to be safe.
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We want them to experience all those awesome things, man.
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And so many of us, guys like you and I, you know, we want these same things.
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And it's important for us to be able to connect with guys who are open to talking about these
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things and open to talking about their wins and their losses.
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That's one of the things that we do in the Iron Council quite often is we really focus on getting
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You know, and the battle teams, I mean, you know, you were in the Iron Council.
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I mean, the battle teams are crucial for that kind of thing.
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So what really kind of got you pointed in this direction?
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I got to a place where I was at a pretty good point in my life.
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This was a couple of years ago where I felt like I was kind of finally hitting my strides.
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I didn't make a big career change and I didn't go find a different woman.
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I've been married since I was 20 years old and it took me a long time to really kind of
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A couple of years ago, I kind of felt like I was doing some decent things internally
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and I was finding some peace just with the way I related to people and the way I was
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And I've been leading people in the military for over a decade.
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And I noticed a trend both in my life and every person that I've ever been around, every
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man that I had led, is when we got in trouble, whether it was a moral failure, professional
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failure, whatever it could be, relational failure, we were doing things that we knew we weren't
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So I started thinking like, okay, what is the reason for this?
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Why are we not doing the things that we need to do?
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And so that kind of started the catalyst for me figuring out, there seems to be a lack
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of character out there, regardless of, we look at the politicians, we look at the religious
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leaders and the CEOs and these powerful guys, it doesn't matter who they are, what their
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beliefs are across the spectrum, man, it seems like a whole bunch of them fall, right?
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And it usually comes down to the fact that they were doing something they knew they weren't
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And specifically in the army, man, they give us the army values.
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They give us seven army values to live by, the beautiful values.
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And, you know, so we know better, but yet we still go out there, we still get in trouble
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and we're just not doing the things that we, that we know we should be doing.
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And so I started talking to people about character and just kind of made it my mission to just
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have as many conversations as I could have, started blogging on the internet and stuff
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And then a little bit after that, the presidential election came up and it was chaos, man.
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And another thing I noticed was it feels like we're fighting over the 10 to 20% that we
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disagree on, but we're missing the 80% that the guys like you and I agree on.
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And I'm like, let's just, let's look at the, there's so many good guys out there that agree
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And if we can get guys just doing what they know they should be doing and focusing on
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the 80% or whatever that number is that I've just made up, focusing on that stuff that
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we, you know, that we both believe in, man, we can help each other through this life and
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You know, 97.6% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
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That's, that's, that's actually a pretty good win right there is, you know, figuring out what
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it is you want to do, putting that vision in place and actually going after it.
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So what are some of the, the, the pitfalls you've ran into about this?
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And the pitfalls are the people are not getting involved in things like order of man and iron
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The pitfalls are people are trying to do things on them by themselves.
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They're trying to go at life alone and it just doesn't work out very well.
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They're not putting another thing I like to say is you got to put safeguards in these
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You got to identify your blind spots and you got to put safeguards around you.
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And most of the easiest, you know, thing that we can say as a safeguard is, is, you know,
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I can't tell you how many times, but one of the, one of the big, you know, kind of pitfalls
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We're scared to put our own bullshit out there.
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And whenever we put it out there, we give them permission to call us on it.
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Another big one I see is, is ego or pride or whatever you want to call it exactly.
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But, you know, I ask guys all the time, what's your blind spot?
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Like the, that's famous last words right there.
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You know, just, uh, you know, just a few months ago you had lifelong Navy SEAL turned
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You don't think he thought he didn't have a blind spot, but yet you're, but yet you're
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You know, you gotta be honest with yourself and you gotta, you gotta get through that
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And I really think that there's a, there's a path there for us to, to, to win in life.
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I think you really nailed it with one word right there.
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I mean, one of the most powerful books that I've read in the last year, year and a half
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that I've been doing this is Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday.
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You know, I used to think I was confident, but it turns out I was arrogant.
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I mean, there's, it's a, it's a subtle difference, but there is a difference.
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And if you're not actually, if you're not actually earning that confidence, if you're
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just portraying it, that's just arrogance, man.
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And it will jump up and bite you in the ass every single time.
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And if you don't have people around you, like we just talked about, if you don't have
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that accountability, man, it's going to be tough to actually be able to discern that
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You got to have guys that are around you to be like, Hey man, you're, you're off into
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What has kind of been your, your big takeaway on this, this mission that you're on right
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My biggest takeaway is that there are a, is I'm excited because there, once I started
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reaching out and started, you know, researching a little bit, I mean, I found order man very
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It was one of the, one of the few organizations.
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There was a couple, a couple of thought leaders, but it was the first organization that I found
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that was really kind of doing this, this let's go be a better man type of thing.
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There are so many men out there that are, that are wanting things to be better, that
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are wanting for men to, to raise up and to, you know, to claim that nobility, claim the
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integrity and to be good men, make a better society.
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I mean, all you hear about, if you're not intentional, all you hear about is the negative
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We can talk about that all day, but I'm going to tell you, man, there's lots and lots
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of guys out there and you know, but we talked to guys out there who, who are a either
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wandering around lost, don't know that there's other guys out there that are, that are ready
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to lend them a hand, you know, and, and there's just so many guys out there that are, that
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are using technology and, and ready to just share their message, share their story and
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There's the, the use of technology today and the way that it can be used versus the way
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You know, I got, I got drug into a fricking quagmire on Facebook today.
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You know, I, I have been very intentional about not discussing politics, about not coming
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And you know, in, in today's culture, everybody's got something to say about something.
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So I, and it took me a minute and I caught it after my first post.
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I, I, I really hope that you're able to influence people and change hearts and minds.
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And I, you know, I've done that before and I've had some guys, you know, from probably from
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the iron council to the time when, you know, when I was in there and I've had those guys
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send me a message and say, Hey, this is, you're out of line here, or this could be taken the
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And it's, it's the opposite of what, what I would have gotten, like before I connected
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with you guys, just somebody putting it on blast on the thread and then me going back
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And then it takes me for a second to not get defensive and say, because another piece of
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Are these guys just calling us out for whatever reason?
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You know, they don't like us, they're jealous, whatever it is, but do we trust them?
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My brothers and I on council, I know I trust them.
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So I reread it and I'm like, yeah, I could see where that could have gone astray, you
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But, you know, I've had that happen several times, man.
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And it, you know, it's social media can be a silly thing, but it can be a very positive
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And, and it's nice to know that you have guys that have your back, even when you're out there
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putting posts on Facebook and social media, whatever it is.
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There, there was a time back when you first started your podcast, Code of Character, and
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So I was watching them and I'd, I'd come to you and I'd be like, Hey man, what do you,
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what do you think about working on this portion or working on that?
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And not once did you get defensive and say, no, my shit don't stink.
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I don't think you said it that nice, but yeah, you're right.
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I'm not exactly known for my bedside manner, man.
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I love the fact that you're a straight shooter.
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I'm telling you what, I mean, my time in the army is the thing I most appreciate about the
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military, as frustrating as it is, is man, they got regulation for everything.
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If it's not in writing, it doesn't matter, you know?
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And so standards are standards are standards and you're the same kind of guy, man.
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You shoot straight and this is the standard, hold the line and let's move forward.
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If you had the ability to challenge the guys listening to this show to do one thing this
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Think, take 20 minutes in the week and think whatever that looks like to you, preferably
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alone, preferably not with a bunch of distractions, but you know, Bubba, one of my things that I,
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that I want people to be men and it starts with myself.
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Everything that I say, it all starts with myself.
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So I know talking to the third person, man, but when I say this stuff, I'm just preaching
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I want us to, whatever you're doing in life, good, bad, or indifferent, you know, I'm going
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to leave the, I'm going, I'm going to leave the teaching good and bad, right and wrong
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But I want, I just want to help people become more intentional.
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Think about the things that you're saying, realize the influences that you're having.
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And so, you know, there's the, a line and I can't quote it verbatim, but from as a man
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thinketh where, you know, a hundred years ago when, when this book was written, men weren't
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They were acting on impulse and, you know, regurgitating the, the, probably the news of
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I just think we could be better off if we could just be, just think, practice thinking,
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practice being intentional and just really lean into our own ability, our own cognitive
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And not only that, but take ourselves out of situations that we don't need to be in.
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Whenever you complete that challenge, I would like to see you posted in the Order of Man Facebook
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All right, Justin, got one more thing for you, brother.
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So I'm going to ask you, what does it mean to be a man?
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You know, for me, it, it's all about our actions matching our values.
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You know, we, we say the things that we believe and then we go and our actions match those
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Say what you believe and then make sure that the life you live matches that, matches the
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Well, brother, we're bumping up against time, man.
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I really appreciate you taking time to sit down and talk with me, man.
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If you've been inspired by this conversation, we encourage you to learn more about the steps,
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tools, strategy, and resources these men are using inside of our exclusive brotherhood,
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The Iron Council is a band of brothers dedicated to leveling up their lives and committed to
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You can learn more at orderofman.com slash in the trenches.
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Until next week, take action and become the man you are meant to be.