Order of Man - ITT 004： Creating a Legacy ｜ Justin Bailey

00:00:00.040 Gentlemen, welcome to In the Trenches, an Order of Man podcast dedicated to interviewing

00:00:04.360 ordinary, everyday men like you and me who are currently in the battle of becoming better

00:00:08.840 men.

00:00:09.460 You'll hear the good, the bad, and the ugly from guys who are striving to become stronger

00:00:13.680 husbands, fathers, business owners, and community leaders.

00:00:17.560 It's our mission to deliver the stories that will inspire you to become the man you are

00:00:21.620 meant to be.

00:00:22.320 Your host for this podcast is a man who is not only in the trenches, but has drastically

00:00:26.920 changed his life for the better over the past two years.

00:00:29.260 Here's Mr. Bubba Downs.

00:00:32.800 All right, guys.

00:00:33.720 Bubba here.

00:00:34.380 Today, I am talking with Justin Bailey.

00:00:37.040 What's up, brother?

00:00:38.440 I am having a fantastic day.

00:00:40.020 I'm so excited to talk to Mr. Bubba Downs on the radio.

00:00:43.120 What's up, my man?

00:00:43.880 On the radio.

00:00:45.540 All right, man.

00:00:46.880 So talk to me, man.

00:00:48.240 What are you working on right now?

00:00:50.040 Man, I'm trying to live.

00:00:51.940 I'm trying to get better every day.

00:00:53.380 I'm trying to be the best husband I can be every day, the best father I can be every

00:00:56.520 day.

00:00:56.700 I'm trying to figure out how I can solve the world's problems from my front porch.

00:01:02.520 It's not easy, and I haven't figured it out, but I'm just trying to do a little bit every

00:01:06.040 day to move in the direction of the man I want to be, the legacy I want to leave.

00:01:10.740 I'm trying to make things a little bit better, man.

00:01:12.600 So let's talk a little bit about that, man.

00:01:14.140 What kind of man are you trying to be?

00:01:16.600 I'm trying to be...

00:01:17.700 What kind of man am I trying to be?

00:01:19.360 I'm trying to be the kind of man that my kids grow up, and they want to emulate.

00:01:25.200 They want to take my place.

00:01:27.620 When we get older, there's going to be a time when my kids are going to start doing the thing,

00:01:32.760 whatever that is, at the family get-togethers and at the holidays.

00:01:36.620 And they're going to do one of two things.

00:01:39.680 They're going to try to do something completely different than what dad did because he screwed

00:01:43.760 it all up, or they're going to try to take the place of their dad and make things a little

00:01:46.740 bit better.

00:01:47.700 And right now, I'm just focused on my kids wanting to really emulate me.

00:01:52.140 That's awesome, man.

00:01:53.360 I'll tell you one more thing, too, while we're talking about this, in that it's difficult

00:01:57.220 because I have three boys.

00:01:59.520 My two older boys are almost completely different.

00:02:03.140 So we both resonate in different ways with each other.

00:02:07.440 So it's not a one-size-fits-all kind of a thing where the kid just always wants to be

00:02:12.580 like his dad.

00:02:13.660 And then I got a third son now that's 11 months old, and I don't have a clue what's going

00:02:17.420 to be going on with him.

00:02:18.700 But I know I'm a completely different father now with an 11-month-old than I was with a

00:02:23.040 12-year-old and a 9-year-old.

00:02:24.380 And once they get a little bit older like that, and you know, how old's your boy, Bubba?

00:02:27.980 He's six.

00:02:29.120 He's going to be seven.

00:02:30.320 Yeah.

00:02:30.640 So that's about the time when they start really figuring out who they are, the very beginning

00:02:35.680 processes, right?

00:02:36.600 And my 12-year-old, he's now got major outside influences, and he's got all that kind of

00:02:42.220 impact in him.

00:02:42.880 And I'm kind of just trying to figure out, okay, where do I insert myself to maintain

00:02:47.960 the guide, but yet allow him to grow as his own human and into his own man?

00:02:52.620 Yeah, and that's something that I'm running into right now, because my six-year-old, dude,

00:02:56.280 he's definitely figuring out who he wants to be, and who he wants to be is somebody that

00:03:00.620 doesn't listen to anything I say.

00:03:03.580 It doesn't stop.

00:03:04.800 No, no, it doesn't.

00:03:06.000 But, you know, that's part of life, man.

00:03:08.160 You've got to let them buck a little bit, but you've still got to kind of try to course

00:03:12.160 correct them.

00:03:12.700 And that's a rough thing to do sometimes.

00:03:16.560 Yeah, it's an everyday process, man.

00:03:18.440 And some days we go to bed, and we think we did a terrible job, and some days you kind

00:03:22.300 of feel like you did something good in life.

00:03:25.460 And, you know, and then that's why it's important to have guys like you that we can reach out

00:03:28.700 to and be like, hey, I won this battle.

00:03:30.740 I lost this battle, right?

00:03:32.500 Because we're all fighting the same war, man.

00:03:33.980 We're all trying to get to the same place.

00:03:36.040 You know, we have different thoughts and different beliefs here and there, but the reality is we

00:03:40.000 all want most of the same things.

00:03:41.500 You know, we want to be the best person.

00:03:42.720 We can be the best husband and father or, you know, the best human.

00:03:46.240 We just, you know, we want our kids to be safe.

00:03:48.160 We want our kids to be protected.

00:03:49.240 We want them to be educated.

00:03:50.580 We want them to be loved.

00:03:51.580 We want them to experience all those awesome things, man.

00:03:53.940 And so many of us, guys like you and I, you know, we want these same things.

00:03:58.160 And it's important for us to be able to connect with guys who are open to talking about these

00:04:02.560 things and open to talking about their wins and their losses.

00:04:05.000 Absolutely, man.

00:04:05.600 That's one of the things that we do in the Iron Council quite often is we really focus on getting

00:04:12.000 to the core of the issues with each other.

00:04:13.760 You know, and the battle teams, I mean, you know, you were in the Iron Council.

00:04:17.520 I mean, the battle teams are crucial for that kind of thing.

00:04:21.220 So what really kind of got you pointed in this direction?

00:04:24.900 A couple of different things.

00:04:26.020 There's a couple of different angles at it.

00:04:27.980 I got to a place where I was at a pretty good point in my life.

00:04:30.260 This was a couple of years ago where I felt like I was kind of finally hitting my strides.

00:04:34.440 I was 35, I think.

00:04:36.460 And when I say that, I mean internally.

00:04:38.080 There was nothing major externally.

00:04:39.340 I didn't make a big career change and I didn't go find a different woman.

00:04:43.900 I've been married since I was 20 years old and it took me a long time to really kind of

00:04:49.200 hit my stride, if you will.

00:04:50.200 A couple of years ago, I kind of felt like I was doing some decent things internally

00:04:53.300 and I was finding some peace just with the way I related to people and the way I was

00:04:57.460 doing things in life.

00:04:58.780 And I've been leading people in the military for over a decade.

00:05:01.420 And I noticed a trend both in my life and every person that I've ever been around, every

00:05:05.760 man that I had led, is when we got in trouble, whether it was a moral failure, professional

00:05:11.720 failure, whatever it could be, relational failure, we were doing things that we knew we weren't

00:05:16.800 supposed to be doing.

00:05:17.880 It was never head knowledge.

00:05:19.100 It's always behavior.

00:05:20.360 So I started thinking like, okay, what is the reason for this?

00:05:24.480 Why are we not doing the things that we need to do?

00:05:26.600 And so that kind of started the catalyst for me figuring out, there seems to be a lack

00:05:31.740 of character out there, regardless of, we look at the politicians, we look at the religious

00:05:37.120 leaders and the CEOs and these powerful guys, it doesn't matter who they are, what their

00:05:41.420 beliefs are across the spectrum, man, it seems like a whole bunch of them fall, right?

00:05:46.320 It doesn't matter.

00:05:47.860 And there's not a trend.

00:05:48.820 It happens all over the map demographically.

00:05:51.600 And it usually comes down to the fact that they were doing something they knew they weren't

00:05:55.540 supposed to be doing.

00:05:56.600 And specifically in the army, man, they give us the army values.

00:05:59.560 They give us seven army values to live by, the beautiful values.

00:06:02.640 And, you know, so we know better, but yet we still go out there, we still get in trouble

00:06:06.700 and we're just not doing the things that we, that we know we should be doing.

00:06:11.320 And so I started talking to people about character and just kind of made it my mission to just

00:06:14.940 have as many conversations as I could have, started blogging on the internet and stuff

00:06:18.300 like that, just to talk about character.

00:06:20.420 And then a little bit after that, the presidential election came up and it was chaos, man.

00:06:25.080 Everybody fighting over everything.

00:06:26.340 And another thing I noticed was it feels like we're fighting over the 10 to 20% that we

00:06:31.360 disagree on, but we're missing the 80% that the guys like you and I agree on.

00:06:35.980 And I'm like, let's just, let's look at the, there's so many good guys out there that agree

00:06:40.740 on so much.

00:06:41.600 Let's focus on some of those things.

00:06:43.140 And if we can get guys just doing what they know they should be doing and focusing on

00:06:48.200 the 80% or whatever that number is that I've just made up, focusing on that stuff that

00:06:52.160 we, you know, that we both believe in, man, we can help each other through this life and

00:06:55.340 be successful.

00:06:56.500 Absolutely.

00:06:57.240 You know, 97.6% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

00:07:01.300 I mean, that's.

00:07:02.240 Sounds a little high, but yeah, that's close.

00:07:05.900 I don't know.

00:07:06.520 That's, that's, that's actually a pretty good win right there is, you know, figuring out what

00:07:10.040 it is you want to do, putting that vision in place and actually going after it.

00:07:13.880 That's a pretty huge win.

00:07:14.960 So what are some of the, the, the pitfalls you've ran into about this?

00:07:19.460 And the pitfalls are the people are not getting involved in things like order of man and iron

00:07:23.440 council.

00:07:23.920 The pitfalls are people are trying to do things on them by themselves.

00:07:26.820 They're trying to go at life alone and it just doesn't work out very well.

00:07:31.240 They're not putting another thing I like to say is you got to put safeguards in these

00:07:34.840 things.

00:07:35.060 You got to identify your blind spots and you got to put safeguards around you.

00:07:38.100 And most of the easiest, you know, thing that we can say as a safeguard is, is, you know,

00:07:42.320 a band of brothers, a battle team around you.

00:07:45.260 Accountability.

00:07:46.320 Accountability is so key in this mission.

00:07:48.440 I can't tell you how many times, but one of the, one of the big, you know, kind of pitfalls

00:07:52.600 with the safeguards is we're scared.

00:07:56.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:07:56.500 We're scared to put our own bullshit out there. 1.00

00:07:59.300 Yeah. 1.00

00:08:00.020 Because somebody is going to call us on it.

00:08:01.540 And whenever we put it out there, we give them permission to call us on it.

00:08:05.000 Absolutely agree.

00:08:05.660 Another big one I see is, is ego or pride or whatever you want to call it exactly.

00:08:10.400 But, you know, I ask guys all the time, what's your blind spot?

00:08:12.840 And they'll say, I don't have a blind spot.

00:08:14.340 And I'm like, come on guys.

00:08:16.320 Come on guys.

00:08:16.900 Like the, that's famous last words right there.

00:08:19.000 I don't have a blind spot.

00:08:20.080 You know, just, uh, you know, just a few months ago you had lifelong Navy SEAL turned

00:08:26.340 governor.

00:08:26.940 And now he's mired in a scandal.

00:08:28.440 You don't think he thought he didn't have a blind spot, but yet you're, but yet you're

00:08:31.820 sure that you don't come on guys.

00:08:33.200 You know, you gotta be honest with yourself and you gotta, you gotta get through that

00:08:36.780 ego, connect with other guys.

00:08:38.480 And I really think that there's a, there's a path there for us to, to, to win in life.

00:08:44.840 And we're just trying this stuff on our own.

00:08:47.000 We're letting pride get in the way.

00:08:48.960 And it's just, it's kind of ugly, man.

00:08:51.040 I think you really nailed it with one word right there.

00:08:53.420 Ego.

00:08:54.440 Yeah.

00:08:55.060 I mean, one of the most powerful books that I've read in the last year, year and a half

00:08:59.320 that I've been doing this is Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday.

00:09:02.140 But yeah, sure.

00:09:03.400 You know, I used to think I was confident, but it turns out I was arrogant.

00:09:06.860 I mean, there's, it's a, it's a subtle difference, but there is a difference.

00:09:11.980 And if you're not actually, if you're not actually earning that confidence, if you're

00:09:16.480 just portraying it, that's just arrogance, man.

00:09:19.000 That's ego. 1.00

00:09:20.000 And it will jump up and bite you in the ass every single time. 1.00

00:09:25.140 Yeah. 0.99

00:09:25.560 And if you don't have people around you, like we just talked about, if you don't have

00:09:28.540 that accountability, man, it's going to be tough to actually be able to discern that

00:09:32.540 difference by yourself.

00:09:33.760 You got to have guys that are around you to be like, Hey man, you're, you're off into 0.94

00:09:37.280 arrogant land.

00:09:38.000 It's time to reel that thing in. 0.97

00:09:39.900 Absolutely.

00:09:41.020 What has kind of been your, your big takeaway on this, this mission that you're on right

00:09:44.960 now to help, help men find character?

00:09:46.680 My biggest takeaway is that there are a, is I'm excited because there, once I started

00:09:54.160 reaching out and started, you know, researching a little bit, I mean, I found order man very

00:09:58.860 early on.

00:09:59.400 It was one of the, one of the few organizations.

00:10:01.400 There was a couple, a couple of thought leaders, but it was the first organization that I found

00:10:05.300 that was really kind of doing this, this let's go be a better man type of thing.

00:10:10.120 Right.

00:10:10.900 And I've just gotten excited since then.

00:10:13.340 I've seen so many men out there.

00:10:15.080 There are so many men out there that are, that are wanting things to be better, that

00:10:19.620 are wanting for men to, to raise up and to, you know, to claim that nobility, claim the

00:10:25.500 integrity and to be good men, make a better society.

00:10:29.640 I mean, all you hear about, if you're not intentional, all you hear about is the negative

00:10:34.060 and the, and the failures.

00:10:35.600 There's plenty of failures out there.

00:10:36.700 We can talk about that all day, but I'm going to tell you, man, there's lots and lots

00:10:39.780 of guys out there and you know, but we talked to guys out there who, who are a either

00:10:44.500 wandering around lost, don't know that there's other guys out there that are, that are ready

00:10:48.640 to lend them a hand, you know, and, and there's just so many guys out there that are, that

00:10:53.500 are using technology and, and ready to just share their message, share their story and

00:10:58.180 lift others up.

00:10:59.200 And that's exciting for me.

00:11:00.120 Yes.

00:11:01.520 Yes.

00:11:02.000 I can't, I cannot agree with that more.

00:11:04.160 There's the, the use of technology today and the way that it can be used versus the way

00:11:09.360 that we do use it.

00:11:11.020 You know, I got, I got drug into a fricking quagmire on Facebook today.

00:11:16.260 You know, I, I have been very intentional about not discussing politics, about not coming

00:11:23.420 in and starting political arguments.

00:11:25.300 And you know, in, in today's culture, everybody's got something to say about something.

00:11:29.940 Sure.

00:11:30.440 And I got drug in.

00:11:32.100 So I, and it took me a minute and I caught it after my first post.

00:11:35.980 I'm like, wait a minute.

00:11:37.180 No, no, no, no, no.

00:11:39.100 I'm not doing this.

00:11:40.320 Have a good day, sir.

00:11:42.520 I, I, I really hope that you're able to influence people and change hearts and minds.

00:11:46.300 Have a great day.

00:11:47.800 Yeah, absolutely.

00:11:48.640 And I, you know, I've done that before and I've had some guys, you know, from probably from

00:11:53.420 the iron council to the time when, you know, when I was in there and I've had those guys

00:11:56.560 send me a message and say, Hey, this is, you're out of line here, or this could be taken the

00:12:01.260 wrong way or, you know, whatever it was.

00:12:03.560 Right.

00:12:04.000 And it's, it's the opposite of what, what I would have gotten, like before I connected

00:12:08.280 with you guys, just somebody putting it on blast on the thread and then me going back

00:12:11.780 and forth.

00:12:12.140 It's like, okay.

00:12:13.040 And then it takes me for a second to not get defensive and say, because another piece of

00:12:16.660 that is, do we trust these guys?

00:12:18.000 Are these guys just calling us out for whatever reason?

00:12:21.000 You know, they don't like us, they're jealous, whatever it is, but do we trust them?

00:12:24.660 Okay.

00:12:24.980 Well, I know I trust these guys.

00:12:26.300 My brothers and I on council, I know I trust them.

00:12:28.520 And so I need to check myself.

00:12:30.280 So I reread it and I'm like, yeah, I could see where that could have gone astray, you

00:12:33.020 know?

00:12:33.180 So maybe, maybe I delete it, whatever it is.

00:12:35.340 But, you know, I've had that happen several times, man.

00:12:37.380 And it, you know, it's social media can be a silly thing, but it can be a very positive

00:12:42.360 thing.

00:12:43.140 And, and it's nice to know that you have guys that have your back, even when you're out there

00:12:46.900 putting posts on Facebook and social media, whatever it is.

00:12:49.440 Yes, yes, yes.

00:12:51.740 There, there was a time back when you first started your podcast, Code of Character, and

00:12:56.340 you were putting out a lot of Facebook lives.

00:12:58.760 So I was watching them and I'd, I'd come to you and I'd be like, Hey man, what do you,

00:13:03.080 what do you think about working on this portion or working on that? 1.00

00:13:06.180 And not once did you get defensive and say, no, my shit don't stink. 0.99

00:13:10.260 You're like, oh, I appreciate that. 0.99

00:13:12.280 Yeah.

00:13:12.380 I don't think you said it that nice, but yeah, you're right.

00:13:14.420 I do remember that well.

00:13:17.340 Yeah.

00:13:17.780 I'm not exactly known for my bedside manner, man.

00:13:20.840 I love the fact that you're a straight shooter.

00:13:22.420 I'm telling you what, I mean, my time in the army is the thing I most appreciate about the

00:13:27.180 military, as frustrating as it is, is man, they got regulation for everything.

00:13:31.200 If it's not in writing, it doesn't matter, you know?

00:13:33.620 And so standards are standards are standards and you're the same kind of guy, man.

00:13:37.540 You shoot straight and this is the standard, hold the line and let's move forward.

00:13:41.380 So I appreciate that up and down, brother.

00:13:43.400 Love it, man.

00:13:44.320 So let me ask you this, brother.

00:13:46.040 If you had the ability to challenge the guys listening to this show to do one thing this

00:13:50.720 week, what would that be?

00:13:53.380 Think, take 20 minutes in the week and think whatever that looks like to you, preferably

00:14:01.640 alone, preferably not with a bunch of distractions, but you know, Bubba, one of my things that I,

00:14:06.880 that I want people to be men and it starts with myself.

00:14:09.700 Everything that I say, it all starts with myself.

00:14:12.020 So I know talking to the third person, man, but when I say this stuff, I'm just preaching

00:14:15.840 to myself is all I'm doing, man.

00:14:17.000 But I want us to be more intentional.

00:14:19.560 I want us to, whatever you're doing in life, good, bad, or indifferent, you know, I'm going

00:14:24.000 to leave the, I'm going, I'm going to leave the teaching good and bad, right and wrong

00:14:27.880 to other people.

00:14:28.620 But I want, I just want to help people become more intentional.

00:14:32.480 Think about the things that you're doing.

00:14:34.140 Think about the things that you're saying, realize the influences that you're having.

00:14:38.040 And so, you know, there's the, a line and I can't quote it verbatim, but from as a man

00:14:42.600 thinketh where, you know, a hundred years ago when, when this book was written, men weren't

00:14:47.520 thinking then either.

00:14:48.480 They were acting on impulse and, you know, regurgitating the, the, probably the news of

00:14:53.100 the day or whatever it was.

00:14:54.220 Right.

00:14:54.480 I just think we could be better off if we could just be, just think, practice thinking,

00:14:59.860 practice being intentional and just really lean into our own ability, our own cognitive

00:15:05.560 abilities to, to form opinions and to reason.

00:15:09.440 And not only that, but take ourselves out of situations that we don't need to be in.

00:15:13.520 There you go.

00:15:15.000 All right, gentlemen.

00:15:16.100 So Justin just gave you all a challenge.

00:15:17.540 I would like to see those challenges.

00:15:19.120 Whenever you complete that challenge, I would like to see you posted in the Order of Man Facebook

00:15:22.620 group with the hashtag in the trenches.

00:15:25.840 Nice.

00:15:26.680 All right, Justin, got one more thing for you, brother.

00:15:28.940 Did not prepare you for this.

00:15:30.600 Ryan has asked that I, that I include this.

00:15:32.600 So I'm going to ask you, what does it mean to be a man?

00:15:36.920 Oh, wow.

00:15:37.720 What does it mean to be a man?

00:15:41.200 I didn't know we were doing that on this one.

00:15:43.040 What does it mean to be a man?

00:15:44.800 You know, for me, it, it's all about our actions matching our values.

00:15:49.880 You know, we, we say the things that we believe and then we go and our actions match those

00:15:57.660 beliefs.

00:15:59.100 It's simple as that.

00:16:00.400 Say what you believe and then make sure that the life you live matches that, matches the

00:16:05.040 things that you say.

00:16:06.120 Thoughts, words, and movement.

00:16:07.920 That's it.

00:16:08.980 Love it, man.

00:16:09.780 All right, Justin.

00:16:10.360 Well, brother, we're bumping up against time, man.

00:16:12.080 I really appreciate you taking time to sit down and talk with me, man.

00:16:15.980 Love it.

00:16:16.460 Thank you so much, Bubba.

00:16:17.340 If you've been inspired by this conversation, we encourage you to learn more about the steps,

00:16:23.360 tools, strategy, and resources these men are using inside of our exclusive brotherhood,

00:16:27.520 the Iron Council.

00:16:28.780 The Iron Council is a band of brothers dedicated to leveling up their lives and committed to

00:16:32.760 helping you do the same.

00:16:34.120 You can learn more at orderofman.com slash in the trenches.

00:16:37.560 Until next week, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

00:16:47.340 Thank you.

00:17:03.260 Thank you.

Order of Man - March 28, 2018

ITT 004： Creating a Legacy ｜ Justin Bailey

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