Order of Man - ITT 006： Overcoming an Alcohol Addiction ｜ Scott Pinyard

00:00:00.040 Gentlemen, welcome to In the Trenches, an Order of Man podcast dedicated to interviewing

00:00:04.360 ordinary, everyday men like you and me who are currently in the battle of becoming better

00:00:08.840 men.

00:00:09.460 You'll hear the good, the bad, and the ugly from guys who are striving to become stronger

00:00:13.680 husbands, fathers, business owners, and community leaders.

00:00:17.560 It's our mission to deliver the stories that will inspire you to become the man you are

00:00:21.620 meant to be.

00:00:22.320 Your host for this podcast is a man who is not only in the trenches, but has drastically

00:00:26.920 changed his life for the better over the past two years.

00:00:29.240 Here's Mr. Bubba Downs.

00:00:32.880 What's up, guys?

00:00:33.720 Bubba here.

00:00:34.160 I'm back with In the Trenches.

00:00:35.660 Today, I am joined by Scott Pinyard.

00:00:37.800 What's up, brother?

00:00:39.060 Hey, man.

00:00:39.640 How you doing?

00:00:40.140 Good to see you.

00:00:40.740 Doing good, man.

00:00:41.460 Doing good.

00:00:42.440 So, Scott, what are you working on these days, man?

00:00:45.420 You know, one of the big things that I started since I got into the council has been my side

00:00:49.640 gig.

00:00:50.380 So, I've been spending a lot of time working on actually getting my own podcast together

00:00:54.040 and also helping, you know, working with new clients outside of my regular nine-to-five.

00:00:59.680 Yeah?

00:01:00.120 What are those clients, what are you helping those guys with?

00:01:03.440 So, one of the big things that I was able to do when I started in the council was to quit

00:01:10.900 drinking.

00:01:11.940 You know, and I had tried multiple times.

00:01:14.120 And this is, it just finally was in a point when working with the guys in the council where

00:01:19.760 I was motivated.

00:01:21.160 And, you know, just the time was right, I guess, is the best way to say it.

00:01:24.760 So, going through this, you know, I spent a lot of time reading books and reaching out

00:01:29.640 to people, talking to a lot of different people about it.

00:01:32.300 And I've found that, you know, there was an opportunity, there were a lot of people out

00:01:35.920 there like me who maybe didn't necessarily want to, you know, join a program or something

00:01:40.440 like that.

00:01:40.880 So, those are the people I've been reaching out to.

00:01:43.240 What kind of led you to start that journey?

00:01:46.840 Well, you know, I got involved with the council, let's see, almost two years ago now.

00:01:53.640 Two, no, a year, yeah, about a year and a half ago.

00:01:56.140 And when I started, you know, I was really generally just looking to improve my life.

00:02:01.820 I'd kind of, I'd been through some ups and downs like everyone else.

00:02:05.280 You know, I'd been married and divorced and I got remarried, had a couple of kids, you

00:02:10.900 know, money wasn't necessarily where I wanted it to be, started to feel kind of stagnant.

00:02:15.480 So, you know, I started looking around online for some, something to help out.

00:02:20.540 And one of the things that I kind of realized that I have a, I have an eight-year-old girl

00:02:24.480 and a three-year-old boy and, and I was starting to realize like, man, I really want to be

00:02:29.020 a role model for my son, but I wasn't even fully sure what that meant or what I meant

00:02:34.060 by saying that.

00:02:35.320 So, I just started Googling, you know, things like how to be a good man, like the sort of

00:02:40.160 general stuff like that.

00:02:41.280 And I ended up tumbling into finding, finding Ryan's podcast.

00:02:46.760 And so, I did that and I did the order of man thing for, for three or four months.

00:02:51.700 And then I thought, you know what, this is really where I want to be.

00:02:54.040 And I joined the council and then from the council, you know, that once I got involved

00:02:59.300 there, I was really being pushed.

00:03:01.620 You know, I'd laid out my goals pretty clearly and I had a lot of people that were helping

00:03:06.160 me achieve it, both in terms of helping me come up with ideas of ways to do what I wanted

00:03:11.240 to do, but also holding me accountable when I say I'm going to do something.

00:03:15.820 So, this is a long answer to your question, but I eventually got to a point where I, you know,

00:03:21.580 I had achieved a lot of different things and it was starting to become very clear that

00:03:24.860 unless I quit drinking, I wasn't going to go any farther.

00:03:28.060 You know, this was, this was something that was holding me back, you know, and that's,

00:03:31.700 that's how I got to that point through the council.

00:03:33.740 So, let me ask you this, man.

00:03:34.740 What, when it comes to that, that drinking thing, when did you realize that that was a,

00:03:39.940 was an issue for you?

00:03:41.200 And what, what was really your, your, your trick to, to knocking it?

00:03:47.760 I think realizing and admitting are kind of two different things.

00:03:51.140 Um, you know, I think I realized it years ago and I think I admitted it to myself.

00:03:57.000 You know, I think I realized it about five, more than five years ago.

00:04:01.120 And I think I admitted it to myself two or three years ago.

00:04:03.400 So it's a tricky thing and it's different for everyone when they're trying to,

00:04:07.780 when they're trying to deal with it.

00:04:08.940 I think for me, what I needed was to start getting the ball rolling on some other stuff

00:04:14.060 and really see what I was capable of achieving.

00:04:16.920 That's, I think that was such a huge help for me in going forward with actually quitting now

00:04:23.320 is that I, I started to knock things off my battle plan.

00:04:26.260 I started to cross things off my list that I wanted to get done.

00:04:29.120 And that sort of forward momentum was really helpful.

00:04:32.240 Right on, man.

00:04:33.120 As you've been doing this, what, what kind of milestones have you reached going through this?

00:04:40.140 Well, I'd say, you know, another really big one was fitness level.

00:04:45.100 Um, you know, a few years ago I lost a bunch of weight, but I hadn't really, uh,

00:04:49.360 hadn't really upped the fitness game that well.

00:04:51.400 I'd been working out, but it wasn't, uh, it wasn't for the sake of, of being fit.

00:04:56.800 But one of the things that I've gotten way into since being in the council, uh, is rucking.

00:05:02.520 Um, so I have, you know, I started, I started doing some go rock stuff.

00:05:07.120 I started doing some go rock, um, some go rock, uh, workouts.

00:05:11.300 Um, and then my battle team leader at the time, Chris Gatchko was teaching a pathfinder class,

00:05:17.200 which is like a three month sort of intro.

00:05:19.640 So I signed up for that with him.

00:05:21.280 And then before I knew it, I was signed up for an event.

00:05:23.380 And so last year, um, I actually did a go rock event in October, um, which honestly had been

00:05:29.660 something, you know, I'd wanted to do one of these suffer fest things for a long time.

00:05:33.880 I just never had the balls actually pull it off, uh, until last year.

00:05:37.740 And that, that was really the time, you know, I, I didn't really have the confidence or the 0.90

00:05:41.960 training.

00:05:42.700 Um, so I'd say that was another really big win for me since starting with the council.

00:05:46.740 Nice, man.

00:05:47.520 Love that.

00:05:48.000 If y'all remember Gatch was one of my, my first interviews on this thing.

00:05:52.220 So as you've been going through this, what kind of hurdles have you encountered?

00:05:56.920 You know, I, I was thinking about, thinking about that the other day, cause there were

00:06:02.540 a few and a lot of them were self-imposed, you know, those were the, at least for me,

00:06:06.700 the tougher things to get, to get past.

00:06:09.180 So, uh, one of the first was just too much enthusiasm for too many things.

00:06:13.960 You know, I was, uh, I think I was over promising and under delivering.

00:06:18.000 Uh, I think I was, you know, I was going to get up at four in the morning every day and 0.93

00:06:22.520 I was going to spend three hours a day with my family and I was going to kick ass at work

00:06:25.960 and I was going to, you know, it was just this long list.

00:06:28.940 And so it was really, once I got to a point where I felt like I could achieve this stuff,

00:06:33.740 uh, on my own and, and, and also with support of you guys in the group, I started getting

00:06:38.660 overenthusiastic and I burned myself right now.

00:06:41.380 Um, so that was, that was one thing was, you know, a challenge was really learning how to

00:06:45.920 schedule myself and set appropriate, you know, appropriate goals.

00:06:50.140 I think another, you know, another one that I had was connecting with guys.

00:06:56.260 Um, you know, I'd spent a lot of time, well, we'll put it this way.

00:06:59.860 I hadn't really had a lot of guy friends, uh, for a long time.

00:07:04.500 I just felt very disconnected from, from that, uh, from men in general.

00:07:09.520 Um, and so that was also a hurdle, like getting used to that again and getting used to like

00:07:13.440 reaching out to people.

00:07:14.800 Um, now I'm completely comfortable with it, but for a long time, it wasn't, uh, wasn't

00:07:19.360 something that was in my life.

00:07:20.540 So those are two of the hurdles I ran into and both of them, you know, both of them, I

00:07:24.320 overcame with, uh, you know, work on my own and help with guys in the group.

00:07:28.340 And I love that.

00:07:29.240 Yeah, I can, I can totally relate to the whole, not having a lot of guy friends before I really

00:07:34.840 got started on this deal.

00:07:35.800 I had some, but you know, everybody just kind of wanted to drink beer and hang out and, you

00:07:40.680 know, that was pretty much the, the best of it.

00:07:44.200 Yeah.

00:07:44.720 And that's, that's exactly what it felt like.

00:07:47.160 And that's fun too.

00:07:48.240 Don't get me wrong.

00:07:48.920 Like I spent plenty of time doing that, but you know, I don't know.

00:07:52.540 It just learning how to connect in a different way was, was really, it was been a very rewarding

00:07:57.440 thing for me for sure.

00:07:58.500 Absolutely.

00:07:59.700 You know, again, back to the whole, just hanging out and drink a beer.

00:08:03.340 I, I drank a lot of beer for a lot of years and you actually helped me make it through

00:08:09.860 the longest period of sobriety that I've had since I was young.

00:08:14.240 I mean, I made it what, 73, 74 days before I had a drink.

00:08:18.800 It was that.

00:08:19.560 Yeah.

00:08:19.840 And I was happy to be a part of it.

00:08:21.240 You, it was, it was fun.

00:08:22.320 It was interesting journey to watch for sure.

00:08:24.180 Yeah.

00:08:24.460 And I'm, I'm right now I'm coming back up on 30 days again.

00:08:27.480 So, I mean, that's for somebody that I, I used to like to drink on the weekends and

00:08:33.300 things like that.

00:08:34.180 And it slowly started to become kind of a bit of an issue to where I was doing it every

00:08:38.320 day.

00:08:38.740 And having, having you guys, especially somebody that had already overcome it, somebody that

00:08:44.680 can help me guide the waters and navigate the path, man, that was, that was really, that

00:08:50.560 was really a powerful moment for me.

00:08:51.880 And I really do appreciate you, brother.

00:08:53.020 Well, I, I appreciate you being part of it.

00:08:56.520 I mean, it was, it was, like I said, it was good to watch and, you know, that's, that's

00:08:59.820 part of what I've been doing.

00:09:01.060 So I do this with guys in the council.

00:09:03.380 I don't charge anyone in the council.

00:09:05.240 They just kind of like, I work with them on a one-on-one basis.

00:09:08.400 I also take on clients outside of the council.

00:09:11.160 But, and that's what the whole idea is, is like, I'm someone who's been through it before.

00:09:16.120 I've done a bunch of reading.

00:09:17.780 I've, you know, I've got a bunch of articles for you.

00:09:19.980 Like, I'm not, I'm not a trained, uh, you know, I'm not a trained psychiatrist or psychologist

00:09:25.020 that's worked in addiction studies.

00:09:26.800 But what I am is someone who's been through it.

00:09:29.040 Um, and I've talked to a lot of people who have been.

00:09:31.180 And so that's, that's the approach that I kind of like to take is like, Hey, I'm here

00:09:35.180 to help, you know, and that's what I want to do because the big driving thing for me

00:09:39.260 is that, you know, I lived for years with this cognitive dissonance of man, I'm doing

00:09:44.200 this and I don't want to, and it's a miserable feeling.

00:09:46.840 Like it's awful.

00:09:48.300 Um, and I want to stop people from doing that.

00:09:50.860 You know, I want to help people who are in the middle of that.

00:09:52.920 I want them to suffer as little as possible.

00:09:54.860 You know, that, that's a pretty big hurdle to overcome.

00:09:57.020 What are some of the other ones that you've overcome since you've been on your journey?

00:10:00.480 Yeah.

00:10:00.820 One of the other big things that, that I overcame was really, uh, was a lot of finance stuff.

00:10:05.500 You know, I'd spent a lot of time, uh, kind of afraid of it because, you know, coming

00:10:10.220 out of the divorce and going into my, uh, you know, going into my second marriage, we

00:10:15.980 had, we incurred quite a bit of debt.

00:10:17.600 You know, we weren't super, super responsible about things.

00:10:20.280 And it was something that I just kind of pushed off my plate.

00:10:23.980 You know, I very irresponsibly just kind of pretended didn't exist.

00:10:28.340 I mean, we were paying our bills.

00:10:29.640 It wasn't like we were going broke or anything, but it was also, you know, we really needed

00:10:33.780 to, um, really needed a little bit more direction on that.

00:10:37.600 And so my wife had been dealing with it kind of on her own.

00:10:40.320 I was bringing, bringing money home and she was kind of juggling to pay the bills and I,

00:10:44.240 I wasn't participating or being a good help in that at all.

00:10:47.300 Um, and so finally, you know, it came to, uh, it came to May or so of last year.

00:10:52.460 And I just said, how would I just take this on?

00:10:54.780 Like, what have I, what have I just did this?

00:10:57.240 And she was so happy to not deal with it anymore.

00:10:59.740 And, you know, I'm, I'm a little bit embarrassed to admit that I didn't even really know that.

00:11:03.340 Like, I wasn't even really aware at how difficult it had it been for her.

00:11:07.600 Um, it's, it's amazing just how receptive women are to us stepping up and taking the

00:11:13.780 lead on things.

00:11:14.460 I mean, we, we live in a culture nowadays where we're kind of taught that, you know,

00:11:20.500 women are just as powerful as men and they are, they, but they are powerful in their own 1.00

00:11:24.600 right.

00:11:25.040 You know, men are generally the leaders in the household. 0.90

00:11:28.220 And for so long, I mean, I was guilty of this myself where we just kind of took the back

00:11:32.980 seat and let our women run our lives for us. 1.00

00:11:35.340 That's right.

00:11:36.020 And I think, you know, it's funny.

00:11:37.160 I, I, prior to getting involved with this, I never would have dreamt of saying something

00:11:41.420 like that.

00:11:41.920 Like, Hey, how about I run this?

00:11:43.580 It always would have been like, Oh, why don't we work together?

00:11:45.920 Or why don't we do this?

00:11:46.960 Like, but it was so, I felt like there was a lot, there was just such a level of, of

00:11:51.760 relief in my wife's voice.

00:11:53.400 When I said that, like, Oh yes, please.

00:11:55.460 It is funny.

00:11:56.240 It's a, it's a definite perspective shift.

00:11:57.860 And I think that, that kind of touches on to what I was talking about earlier when it was

00:12:01.880 talking about, like, I'm raising a son, like I've raised a daughter or I'm in the process

00:12:06.640 of raising a daughter, but how do I deal with my son?

00:12:08.840 Like, how do I be a role model for that?

00:12:10.760 And there's just, there's so much more there than I, than I realized.

00:12:14.780 It's pretty hard, man.

00:12:15.880 It really is.

00:12:16.720 What kind of advice would you give these guys that are just now getting started on this?

00:12:20.980 You know, especially these guys that are struggling with alcohol.

00:12:23.380 Well, a few things, you know, around the alcohol stuff, I think I would say, you know, really

00:12:30.540 try not, and this is hard to do, but try not to lie to yourself.

00:12:36.340 One of the things that I've done with a lot of people is I've had them make a video of

00:12:40.240 themselves and they've been drinking, you know, and it's been, you know, I, I send out

00:12:44.560 a list of questions. 0.93

00:12:45.380 And so you answer these five questions and some of them are math and some of them are silly.

00:12:48.700 Um, but ultimately what the goal is for that is to have some sort of evidence that you

00:12:53.000 can't brush to the back of your head.

00:12:54.640 And that's the idea is that in order to get out of this is really the number one person

00:12:59.460 you need to be honest with is yourself.

00:13:01.460 Um, and so that's, that's the first thing also around drinking, uh, reach out to people.

00:13:06.220 You know, it might be that there's people that don't want to talk to you or you don't

00:13:09.740 want to talk to, or you feel that you're going to get judged.

00:13:11.820 Um, but all of us can find someone somewhere.

00:13:14.420 And if you're in the council, we have a sobriety channel.

00:13:17.540 You guys, anyone that's in the council can reach out to me at any time.

00:13:21.080 Uh, you know, and you too, Bubba, like, I know there's a lot of us in there who've been,

00:13:24.340 who've been through this.

00:13:25.620 Um, but my second thing would be talk to someone.

00:13:27.900 Once you get talking, you can start to, to address the, address the issues as you see

00:13:32.200 them.

00:13:32.740 And then generally, you know, I, and I think this, I guess I said this for, for drinking,

00:13:37.780 but, you know, in general, like be ruthlessly honest with yourself.

00:13:42.060 I think one of the things that we're taught to do, um, or we end up doing over time is

00:13:46.940 sort of settling or, or being comfortable with things that maybe we're not fully comfortable

00:13:51.580 with, but that's just kind of the way life is like being really direct and honest with

00:13:56.180 yourself about exactly what you want in life.

00:13:59.040 Um, that can go a long way to making this a much more powerful experience.

00:14:03.240 All right, man.

00:14:03.820 So that's some great advice that you'd be giving these guys, but now I want you to go

00:14:07.100 ahead and give them a challenge.

00:14:08.200 And guys, whenever he gives you this challenge and you complete it this week, let's post it

00:14:11.800 in the order of man, Facebook group with the hashtag in the trenches.

00:14:16.720 So my challenge, you know, I've spent a lot of time trying to think about exactly what

00:14:22.820 this is.

00:14:23.820 Um, but my challenge was for everyone to come up with three things in their life that

00:14:29.500 they need to eliminate in order to move forward.

00:14:31.720 And so that can mean anything, you know, I mean, obviously for me, that was clearly alcohol,

00:14:35.460 but all of us have things.

00:14:36.640 It doesn't need to be an addictive thing, but it could be something like, uh, you know,

00:14:40.440 not eating pizza and watching TV every night.

00:14:43.840 Um, but three things that you can just say right now that are holding you back.

00:14:48.100 Um, that's the first part of the challenge.

00:14:49.740 And the second part of the challenge is to live a week, one week without those things.

00:14:54.420 Fairly simple, but doing that challenge and then looking back on what progress you made

00:14:58.940 is, is huge.

00:15:00.280 That was a big thing for me when I started in the council was identifying some of those

00:15:03.780 things to leave behind.

00:15:04.680 And every time I put one of those things down, I felt so much better.

00:15:09.040 Um, so that's what I would challenge people to do.

00:15:11.240 That's powerful, man.

00:15:12.200 That's a real powerful challenge.

00:15:13.460 I enjoy that.

00:15:14.160 And I'm looking forward to seeing, seeing some guys complete that.

00:15:17.740 Yeah, I'll be, I'll be keeping an eye on it as well.

00:15:20.220 All right, brother.

00:15:20.880 Well, we're coming up against time.

00:15:22.200 So we got one more question for you.

00:15:24.540 Did not prepare you for this.

00:15:26.220 What does it mean to be a man?

00:15:28.780 Oh, I got the order of man question.

00:15:31.680 Oh no.

00:15:32.800 Um, you know, uh, that's actually a good question to ask me now after the last year and a half

00:15:39.040 of, of doing this, but my vision of this, and it's, it's constantly evolving.

00:15:43.880 Um, but my vision of this truly is to be, you know, to be a man is to be someone that's

00:15:49.840 true to themselves, that knows what they want, that acts in concert with the, with those things

00:15:55.400 that they know that they want, even when it means it's a difficult decision.

00:15:58.320 And it's someone who helps others achieve the same thing.

00:16:01.620 I'm sure if I tried that again, I could say that more succinctly, but that's, that's what

00:16:05.020 it means to me.

00:16:06.220 Love it, man.

00:16:06.920 Love it.

00:16:07.760 All right, brother.

00:16:08.400 Well, I do appreciate you coming on.

00:16:10.020 I'm honored to call you a brother.

00:16:11.220 And I really do appreciate all the help that you provide inside the council, as well as

00:16:14.620 the help that you've given me personally.

00:16:17.840 Good.

00:16:18.260 Well, I was happy to help Bob.

00:16:19.180 It was good to talk to you.

00:16:20.440 Absolutely, brother.

00:16:21.320 Catch you around.

00:16:23.440 If you've been inspired by this conversation, we encourage you to learn more about the steps,

00:16:27.720 tools, strategy, and resources.

00:16:29.280 These men are using inside of our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council.

00:16:32.860 The iron council is a band of brothers dedicated to leveling up their lives and committed to helping

00:16:37.340 you do the same.

00:16:38.080 You can learn more at order of man.com slash in the trenches until next week, take action

00:16:43.620 and become the man you are meant to be.

Order of Man - April 11, 2018

ITT 006： Overcoming an Alcohol Addiction ｜ Scott Pinyard

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