Order of Man - ITT 009： From Complacency to Contentment ｜ Doug Hershberger

00:00:00.040 Gentlemen, welcome to In the Trenches, an Order of Man podcast dedicated to interviewing

00:00:04.360 ordinary, everyday men like you and me who are currently in the battle of becoming better

00:00:08.840 men.

00:00:09.460 You'll hear the good, the bad, and the ugly from guys who are striving to become stronger

00:00:13.680 husbands, fathers, business owners, and community leaders.

00:00:17.560 It's our mission to deliver the stories that will inspire you to become the man you are

00:00:21.620 meant to be.

00:00:22.320 Your host for this podcast is a man who is not only in the trenches, but has drastically

00:00:26.920 changed his life for the better over the past two years.

00:00:29.260 Here's Mr. Bubba Downs.

00:00:32.500 What's up, guys?

00:00:33.220 Before we get started today, I just kind of wanted to remind you that this has been a

00:00:36.580 basically a test sample.

00:00:39.240 We decided we were going to do 12 episodes of In the Trenches.

00:00:42.620 So we are three quarters of the way through that.

00:00:45.600 And if you like what you're hearing and you want to hear more of it, why don't you reach

00:00:49.080 out to Ryan and let him know what you think of the show?

00:00:51.440 Good, bad, ugly, whatever.

00:00:53.220 You can do that at ryan at orderofman.com or you can just post it in the Facebook group

00:00:59.960 using the hashtag In the Trenches.

00:01:02.000 If you're really interested in what we're doing and you'd like to see more of it, you

00:01:05.280 can go to orderofman.com slash In the Trenches.

00:01:09.020 All right, gentlemen, let's get into my conversation with Doug.

00:01:11.840 Really appreciate you guys.

00:01:15.220 What's up, guys?

00:01:16.020 Bubba here back with In the Trenches.

00:01:17.760 Today, I'm joined by Doug Hershberger.

00:01:19.380 What's going on, brother?

00:01:20.700 Hey, what's up, Bubba?

00:01:21.560 Good to see you.

00:01:22.280 You too, man.

00:01:22.920 You too.

00:01:23.900 So let's go ahead and dive into this, man.

00:01:26.880 Let's talk a little bit about the journey that you're on.

00:01:28.620 Give us a little bit of background about yourself.

00:01:31.140 Yeah, so I'm younger, relatively speaking, than a lot of guys that we hang out with in

00:01:36.960 order of man and are in council, but I'm 28.

00:01:39.220 And so I've come from a background of being overweight and struggling with my health.

00:01:45.560 And that's really what has been a launch pad, that transformation for who I am now.

00:01:50.020 But my life is not just my fitness.

00:01:52.600 So I think if I were to sum it up in a brief statement, it's more of getting out of that

00:01:59.240 life of complacency and into a life of contentment through some of my actions and changes and

00:02:04.620 becoming a better man every day.

00:02:06.300 Dude, I love that you made a difference right there in those words.

00:02:10.020 I know it sounds like parsing hairs, but there is a difference in contentment and complacency.

00:02:14.880 Yeah, absolutely.

00:02:15.540 And we can talk about that more.

00:02:16.920 But for me, it was growing up as a kid, I was always looking for the easy way out.

00:02:22.600 And what that looked like in my health was I was always overweight, hated running, hated

00:02:28.600 – I love sports, but I hated having to do the work for it and being an athlete.

00:02:31.980 And so it kind of depreciated into this apathetic life where my school, my grades reflected it,

00:02:39.260 my desire to achieve anything in life reflected it, I was kind of just a lazy – for lack 0.88

00:02:46.560 of a better term, lazy jackass most of my high school career because of that complacency 0.90

00:02:51.900 piece. 0.94

00:02:52.660 And so taking hold of what we talk about, the lowest hanging fruit, which is your fitness,

00:02:57.160 for me was the impetus for change for the rest of my life.

00:03:01.600 Nice, man.

00:03:02.180 So what was the actual catalyst to get you to get off the couch and get into what you're

00:03:08.280 doing now?

00:03:09.500 That's a good question because it's hard to pinpoint one thing.

00:03:12.340 I think true change doesn't happen on a dime.

00:03:14.580 It doesn't happen within the hour.

00:03:16.740 It's a good story to tell and it's probably healthy if you're trying to create some kind

00:03:20.400 of following.

00:03:21.640 But for me, it was a series of events.

00:03:23.240 I recall back when I was graduating – not sorry, I was finishing up my junior year in

00:03:28.360 high school and faced a lot of what we would call today bullying or maybe just a little

00:03:34.560 bit of sense of feeling discontent or like I didn't belong and didn't really have much

00:03:41.920 of a group of friends, just kind of isolated by my own choices.

00:03:44.940 I'm not going to cast blame on anybody.

00:03:46.320 But after that junior year, I went to summertime and I started looking for a job because I wanted

00:03:51.620 to make some money and had grown up with my dad who works construction and painting and

00:03:56.840 drywalling and was kind of tired of that.

00:03:58.640 So I found a job in mowing lawns.

00:04:01.640 And if you know anything about mowing lawns down here in Florida, it's pretty damn grueling.

00:04:05.160 And you sweat all day, you're going through gallons of water and you're walking around

00:04:08.240 constantly.

00:04:09.080 So a pretty good recipe for weight loss if that's what you're looking to do.

00:04:13.220 And actually at the same time, then got another job working in a nutraceutical company.

00:04:18.000 So I was packing supplements while in other days I was mowing lawns.

00:04:22.280 And so that got me thinking about health and fitness and what I looked like in the mirror,

00:04:26.960 what I felt like on a daily basis.

00:04:29.240 And the one week I remember I thought, well, shoot, I don't know what to do.

00:04:32.720 I don't have any knowledge, but I do know that eating less food makes more, makes sense

00:04:37.320 that you'd probably lose some weight.

00:04:38.500 So I'm just going to go vegetarian for a week.

00:04:40.760 Bubba, let me tell you, I'm not going to do that again.

00:04:42.720 That was living hell.

00:04:43.780 And I lived off of canned green beans and mixed vegetables.

00:04:47.560 And yeah, that's pretty much it.

00:04:50.340 And it sucked, but I saw some change in that one week in terms of weight and in terms of 0.56

00:04:56.020 how I felt.

00:04:56.660 And I thought, well, maybe I should start researching this and find out some more information.

00:04:59.960 And that summer between my junior and senior year was really the series of changes or incidences

00:05:07.100 that created that change.

00:05:09.960 Yeah.

00:05:10.140 So yeah, being a vegetarian, man, guys out there, if you want to be a vegetarian, that's

00:05:14.860 cool, but I'm a carnivore.

00:05:16.900 I mean, that's why I have-

00:05:18.000 Yeah, you know, I'm not hammering.

00:05:19.020 I know some good guys that are vegetarians, but it's tough.

00:05:23.180 I have a master's degree in exercise physiology and some training in nutrition and whatnot.

00:05:28.080 And I can tell you, if you're going to be vegetarian, you're going to have to do some footwork

00:05:31.560 to figure out how you're going to get all your nutrients in as a guy, especially protein.

00:05:35.900 Right.

00:05:36.620 So what were you at your heaviest?

00:05:38.320 Um, so I don't have any pictures from that time.

00:05:41.980 I have some pictures from before my heaviest and after.

00:05:44.980 And, uh, the only way I can recall is seeing 270, 275 at, uh, 16 years old.

00:05:51.760 I don't know what I was when I was 17, my junior year, but, uh, so I would guess 270, 280.

00:05:56.680 Where are you at now?

00:05:57.700 Right now, uh, if I stepped on the scale, I think 191, the lightest I ever was, was 168,

00:06:06.220 170.

00:06:06.820 So I lost about a hundred pounds in about a two years span.

00:06:11.480 So man, that sounds like a pretty, pretty incredible hurdle that you've overcome.

00:06:14.920 What are some of the other ones that you've come across?

00:06:16.520 Hmm.

00:06:17.840 Well, like I said, I saw I'm younger, so I anticipate a lot more challenges coming my

00:06:21.360 way as I get older.

00:06:22.980 Uh, but you know, one of the things that I saw, there's not a lie.

00:06:27.020 One of the things that I saw a lot of growth happen was how I started seeing my future and

00:06:31.440 the control I felt like I had over it.

00:06:32.920 You know, I was, in many ways, I was a stoic before I know what stoicism was.

00:06:37.500 And when we talk about, when I talk about stoicism, I'm talking about contemporary stoicism,

00:06:40.620 not ancient, um, stoicism in terms of philosophy, but just having the mind of control and take

00:06:46.400 control of what you can control and then let the rest go.

00:06:50.000 For me growing up, it was, I can't control anything.

00:06:52.580 I'm apathetic.

00:06:53.260 I'm not going to try.

00:06:54.520 When I started to see weight come off and start to feel better because of my choices in

00:06:59.120 terms of fitness and exercise and diet and, uh, and whatnot, uh, then I started to look

00:07:04.980 at the rest of my life like that.

00:07:06.120 And so specifically, uh, my academics would be a good example.

00:07:09.740 You know, when I, the end of my junior year, uh, I sat at about a 2.1 or 2.2 GPA, um, good

00:07:17.100 test taker.

00:07:17.800 I just didn't like to study. 0.83

00:07:18.920 Didn't give a crap about any subjects, kind of showed up cause I was supposed to. 0.53

00:07:23.960 And, um, then the senior year, uh, that whole year I just got down to the grind.

00:07:28.860 So I did what I could hustled for it and, uh, graduated with a 3.0.

00:07:33.200 And if you're, if you know, high school GPA, when you, that, that, uh, junior, senior year,

00:07:37.620 that's money for, um, getting yourself set up for college.

00:07:40.480 And so I started to make the connection between, I can choose who I want to be, uh, going to

00:07:45.660 college or trade school, whatever it is, uh, the next 80 years of my life, or I can just

00:07:50.880 let it happen to me.

00:07:51.900 So I think academically, uh, I saw some huge change in terms of where I wanted to be in my

00:07:56.900 career as well as what that took, uh, my senior year of high school.

00:08:02.960 Yeah.

00:08:03.360 I've noticed a lot whenever, whenever I really delved into stoicism and I'm, I'm not really

00:08:08.360 a contemporary, so I'm more of the ancient stoics.

00:08:10.540 I really dig getting into, you know, like the interideon and discourses.

00:08:17.200 And I mean, I'm not going to lie.

00:08:18.740 When I first started reading it, I was looking at it like a cow looking at a new gate.

00:08:21.820 It was, it was hard to really wrap my mind around, but once I really got into that and

00:08:27.140 I started thinking about, especially that, that part that you're talking about right

00:08:31.240 there, where it's control what you can.

00:08:34.000 And the one thing that you can really control are the choices that you make on a daily basis.

00:08:38.080 That, that was a pretty big game changer to me.

00:08:40.180 And it sounds like it was for you too.

00:08:42.580 Yeah, most definitely.

00:08:43.560 And one of the things I tell young guys when I work with them and, and, uh, really anybody

00:08:47.760 I talk to, you know, I, I work, I'm, um, um, a role player here down in, uh, South Florida

00:08:52.960 F3, but when we talk to guys about, you know, where their life's at right now, you know, obviously

00:08:57.580 the first step is identifying the problem that, and admitting that you're in it, that 0.87

00:09:01.220 you're overweight, that you're in a job that you, you hate and that your marriage sucks admitting 0.99

00:09:05.820 it. 0.99

00:09:06.080 But the second step is realizing what you can control and then admitting what you can't

00:09:09.200 control instead of just throwing it all out with, uh, the baby out with the bath water,

00:09:13.500 but actually identifying what things can I do right now that are going to create some

00:09:17.260 change and snowball that.

00:09:19.120 And I think the stoic mindset makes it real simple.

00:09:21.140 It's just, what can you control?

00:09:22.500 What can you not control?

00:09:23.520 Tackle the things you can control, period.

00:09:25.500 And it, it really is that cut and dry.

00:09:27.660 Yeah.

00:09:28.240 And if you make sure that you write them down and put that stuff on paper so that way you

00:09:32.580 can actually visualize what it is that you need to control, it makes it that much easier.

00:09:37.780 Yeah.

00:09:38.340 And I can speak from first and experience is if there's nothing you can identify that you can

00:09:42.700 control, start with your body.

00:09:44.940 That's, I mean, that's, that's a, that's an age long, uh, task right there.

00:09:50.360 So if you're just working on your health and fitness, you've got a job in front of you.

00:09:54.040 Don't worry about anything else, but that will snowball to the rest of your life for sure.

00:09:58.240 So what would you say some of the biggest takeaways you you've had on this journey have been?

00:10:02.520 Oh man.

00:10:03.700 Um, I think, you know, I'm a Christian too.

00:10:07.160 So I tie my Christian, my faith with my stoicism and the worldview that I have.

00:10:11.440 And so the biggest thing is, you know, we talk about the word stewardship and, uh, we

00:10:16.360 usually talk about that in terms of money.

00:10:18.320 And I think that's great and all, but stewardship applies also to what you're given physically.

00:10:22.660 And since we're on the theme of physical health, uh, I think the biggest takeaway for me and

00:10:27.640 my mission in life is make sure one, I steward my, my health, my fitness, um, the things that

00:10:34.420 I get, the food, the money, all that steward it so well so that I don't have to make be

00:10:40.860 a burden for my wife, for my future kids.

00:10:43.360 And then secondly, uh, model that and impact as many lives as possible so that people can

00:10:49.260 start to realize how important it is for themselves too.

00:10:52.760 Yeah.

00:10:53.220 That light, that lighthouse theory, man, that's, that's been a pretty big one for me too, where

00:10:58.620 you, you model the behavior in order to influence as many people as possible.

00:11:04.800 Absolutely.

00:11:05.660 And it, it's interesting.

00:11:07.080 I spent two years working with young boys who are delinquent.

00:11:09.860 They're, uh, referred out of the school system.

00:11:11.840 They couldn't go back.

00:11:12.580 And at that point, especially for boys, but I think men in general, at that point, once

00:11:17.360 you've, you've tried and you failed, the biggest thing is to look at people who succeeded and

00:11:21.880 watch them.

00:11:22.580 And so if you are successful, you have now a job to show it to other, to show yourself

00:11:27.800 off to other people.

00:11:28.580 Instead of just telling them what to do, you gotta, you gotta model it.

00:11:31.020 You gotta be a lighthouse.

00:11:32.920 So what, what's some of the biggest advice you would give to some of these guys that are

00:11:35.960 just now getting started?

00:11:36.920 Um, yeah, you know, the, the simple kind of cheesy one is just get started, just go

00:11:44.140 out and walk for 10 minutes or just, you know, say no to that ice cream, you know, whatever

00:11:48.560 it is.

00:11:48.940 I think that's good is just start with baby steps.

00:11:51.480 That's, that's healthy, but I'm actually going to shift to the other side.

00:11:54.640 I think one of the biggest changes that I made was that week of vegetarianism because

00:12:01.500 that extreme experience led me to, first of all, believe that it's possible that I can

00:12:06.720 do something and it can impact me, uh, in a way that I'm going to see results.

00:12:11.580 But second of all, that, um, it shocked me a little bit, you know, it made me realize

00:12:16.000 how crappy I had been eating and how much knowledge I didn't have, how much I had to

00:12:20.940 go research and start to double down on finding out answers and resourcing myself.

00:12:25.940 So, you know, baby steps are cool.

00:12:28.060 And, you know, we talk about periodizing your diet, periodizing your training program in

00:12:32.160 terms of stacking, uh, baby steps, bigger steps and larger steps.

00:12:35.740 But I think, you know, for some people, maybe it's ordering P90X, maybe it's getting a personal

00:12:41.840 trainer, maybe it's, um, hiring a nutritionist, maybe it's doing the keto diet, maybe it's

00:12:46.960 doing whole 30, but maybe tackle something, one big thing and, and, and just go all out

00:12:53.380 balls to the wall.

00:12:54.620 And, uh, I guarantee that's going to have an impact on you.

00:12:57.620 And then you got to figure out what baby steps are going to be sustainable after that.

00:13:01.120 So that kind of leads me into this, man.

00:13:04.180 All my guests get to challenge the listeners for one week to do one thing.

00:13:10.700 What's, what's that challenge going to be from, from Doug?

00:13:13.220 Uh, so one week, I would say, um, pick one, one food that you identify as your vice that

00:13:19.140 you know for sure, if you knock it out of your life, it's not going to, uh, impact you negatively.

00:13:23.940 Maybe it's a nightly bowl of ice cream, maybe it's beer, maybe it's, um, shoot, I don't

00:13:29.540 know.

00:13:29.680 It could be something like a donut and just cut it out.

00:13:32.780 Abstain from it for a week.

00:13:34.080 I'm not huge on abstinence, but I think that's a really good start.

00:13:37.080 When you start to realize you can win over those little things, um, then the bigger things

00:13:41.720 seem a lot smaller than what they appear.

00:13:44.240 There you go, guys.

00:13:45.240 There's your challenge for the week.

00:13:46.580 Make sure you post those in the Order of Man Facebook group with the hashtag in the trenches.

00:13:51.040 All right, Doug, man, I've got, I've only got one more question for you.

00:13:54.920 Did not prepare you for this, but what does it mean to be a man?

00:13:59.160 Oh, this is tough.

00:14:00.940 Cause I've heard a lot of Ryan's podcasts and I've heard guys answers and a lot of them

00:14:04.660 are the same.

00:14:05.760 Um, my wife and I are talking about this, this concept of belonging.

00:14:10.060 And I think every person, every human being, not just men have this yearning to belong.

00:14:14.480 And, uh, but I was, I posed a, I posed a, a, uh, dilemma to her.

00:14:20.340 I was like, this is the paradox of belonging is that in order to truly belong, you've got

00:14:24.100 to have a sense of office.

00:14:25.100 You've got to have a sense of responsibility.

00:14:27.520 And so I think being a man is having a sense of office, plugging in somewhere and committing

00:14:32.660 and then, uh, having that responsibility and being consistent with it, not quitting when

00:14:38.160 it gets hard, whenever all the odds are against you, not, not checking out because there are,

00:14:43.080 there are, uh, uh, better days somewhere else.

00:14:46.780 And so maybe that's marriage, maybe that's kids, maybe that's a job.

00:14:50.940 Uh, there are times for change, of course, but I think a big one is plugging in and just

00:14:55.600 having a sense of office, having a sense of responsibility.

00:14:58.900 That's fantastic, man.

00:15:00.500 All right, Doug.

00:15:01.160 Well, brother, I appreciate you coming on.

00:15:03.040 We kept this one short, sweet, but there was a ton of actionable, actionable steps in

00:15:07.040 there.

00:15:07.780 Absolutely, man.

00:15:08.460 Thanks for having me.

00:15:09.440 All right, brother.

00:15:10.080 Well, we'll see you around, man.

00:15:11.120 If you've been inspired by this conversation, we encourage you to learn more about the steps,

00:15:17.100 tools, strategy, and resources.

00:15:18.660 These men are using inside of our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council.

00:15:22.200 The iron council is a band of brothers dedicated to leveling up their lives and committed to helping

00:15:26.720 you do the same.

00:15:27.800 You can learn more at order of man.com slash in the trenches until next week, take action

00:15:33.020 and become the man you are meant to be.

00:15:41.120 Thank you.

Order of Man - May 02, 2018

ITT 009： From Complacency to Contentment ｜ Doug Hershberger

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript