ITT 011： Execution of Discipline ｜ Cody Duffney
Episode Stats
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Summary
In this episode of In the Trenches, host Bubba Downs is joined by Cody Duffney to discuss his journey to becoming the man he is meant to be. In this episode, the guys discuss how Cody took a month off of work to take care of his family and how he was able to find the strength in his marriage.
Transcript
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Gentlemen, welcome to In the Trenches, an Order of Man podcast dedicated to interviewing
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ordinary, everyday men like you and me who are currently in the battle of becoming better
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You'll hear the good, the bad, and the ugly from guys who are striving to become stronger
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husbands, fathers, business owners, and community leaders.
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It's our mission to deliver the stories that will inspire you to become the man you are
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Your host for this podcast is a man who is not only in the trenches, but has drastically
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changed his life for the better over the past two years.
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So tell me, man, what are you working on right now?
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So I've been cleaning, moving stuff, spraying for bugs, just doing normal weekend activities.
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So what are you working on in your life is kind of what I was alluding to there.
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Oh, right now I'm working on career recovery, working on intercommunication with my spouse.
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And I've done a lot of self-reflection over the past month and trying to make sure I'm
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I was able to take a month off from my family through work.
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So I spent a month away from my family and it gave me time to just simply sit there every night,
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analyze what I thought I was doing wrong, what I thought I was doing right, and trying
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So having the time away meant I didn't have to necessarily worry about the normal day-to-day
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tasks that you'll see in your normal relationship because it was mostly a satellite relationship
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So whatever you're sitting there by yourself with your thoughts, man, what did that process
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look like for you to find where you were lacking and where you were strong?
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Well, as you know, based on our previous conversations, I was able to go through some really challenging
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stuff at work and a lot of the overarching problems that led to failures at work were
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So I had a pretty good base of mistakes I had made.
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And as far as looking internally, my wife and I are really straightforward with one another.
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She tells me where I fuck up and I fix it or I look at it.
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So I took the time to really look back at previous conversations and try to not skip any
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So if she said, hey, this happened, I didn't like what this result was, I had to figure
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And kind of almost build like one of those conspiracy spiderwebs in my mind and trace
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So I had like four or five key details I was able to really fix and say, okay, these are
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And it will bring benefit to my personal life and my professional life.
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When you were going through that spiderweb, man, what was one thing that really stuck out
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Uh, I want to say discipline, but not in that I don't have it.
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I think that I rely on the idea of discipline too much without actually the execution of discipline.
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So like I have discipline in a lot of areas of my life, but believing that the discipline
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carries over to every aspect is a, is a falsity.
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So I had to really look at it and say, okay, this discipline failure point is when I'm trying
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Like I commit to this, but I don't follow through in this way.
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Um, and that was one that I think overall can have huge effects in almost every area because
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no discipline at work is going to affect your home life.
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But just when I'm home, it's going to affect your work life and they work hand in hand.
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So that was one of the ones I'm really trying to be dedicated in isolating time to, uh, putting
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Uh, structured time, uh, daily schedule, trying to really get into a routine in the morning
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So although I can't necessarily say I'm going to have this much work done by this hour because
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the army doesn't allow for such strict guidelines in your timeline, I can at least say, well,
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before six 30 in the morning, when I had to be at work and after 4 PM, when I leave, how
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And then when I get to work, it's kind of take an inventory of what has to happen throughout
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the day or what there is throughout the week or what's up to them throughout the month or
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quarter and figure out how many of those goals can I accomplish in that day?
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And how many of those goals can I work towards in that day?
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So that every day is really being as productive as possible.
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Uh, one of the things that really led to, uh, the downfall of work was complacency.
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The idea that you can just sit on your phone and mess around till the end of the day.
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And if you're not trying to improve yourself at work, you're going to fail.
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Like there's too many skills in everybody's job as pair that are perishable.
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And some of those skills need to be worked on far more frequently to avoid them, uh, you
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know, failing in your mind and failing in your practice.
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So you, you, you bring up your work a lot, man.
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I know that you recently went through some, some challenges at work.
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Is that something you're willing to talk to me about?
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Uh, so it started way back in probably June of last year.
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Um, in the EOD community, we don't have a lot of special units, but there is one within
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my battalion that did work with special forces.
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I had done 10 years of conventional work, which meant their house response for calls that
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They need to respond to, um, going through almost a year of training.
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I, not even just myself, but my colleagues and my superiors, uh, realized that there were
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a lot of areas I needed to work on, um, because I got overconfident in my skills, having seniority
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and seniority does not mean you necessarily know what you're doing if you can't show it
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So I could talk a good game, but when it came to actual practice, when the chips were down,
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especially when I was stressed out or being observed by certain people, I couldn't perform.
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Uh, and along with, I had a couple other failures outside of my execution of my tasks.
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Um, I had some integrity violations, things I had done that were, they were, they were stupid.
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I took risks that were never meant that never needed to be taken.
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And had I been better about prioritizing my time, prioritizing my finances, my personal
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life, my work life would not have an impact as it was.
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So, um, when it was all said and done, I was relieved of my position.
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So I kind of sat on the bench for almost four months, uh, waiting for resolution, which is
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a lot of time to sit there and chew on all the mistakes that led up to it.
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So I have people that have faith in me and are willing to look at the mistake as, okay,
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you made a mistake, but can you recover from it?
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Um, one of my peers and someone I actually looked up to recently said, you can really
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Uh, if they're a general piece of crap, then we just let them sit on the side, let them
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But if they like you, if they have faith in you and they respect you and you make a
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mistake, they will hammer you immediately and then help you recover.
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So I feel like even though I went through a lot of really bad, uh, choices on my end
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and repercussions in the long run, the fact that I have so many people that are willing
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to work with me, help me analyze my mistakes and move forward meant that I was at least
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So now I'm just need to show everyone that it was not, uh, ill placed in their faith in
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So I know that all this went down before you joined the iron council.
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How, how is, how has that brotherhood helped you get through this?
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Oh man, there is just endless resources in the council.
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Um, everything from just like what they sell you on the, on the website, like you get to
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read a lot more books and you're going to be given a structure to help build your life
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Um, that alone was a good starting point for me because I needed to have more organization
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And then when you get into the council, the people you get to meet, the, the advice you
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receive, the experts in every field, there isn't a single problem that I haven't gone
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through that someone can't relate to, if not, hasn't actually gone through itself.
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Um, and one thing that I liked really helped me with the council was the fact that there
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Um, when I bring the problems to the table in a group of men that are also wanting to
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improve, they want to improve people around them as well.
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So I didn't have to necessarily go to my wife with all of my problems because my wife is
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I love her to death, but she's going to look at it through a very, a very small glass of
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Um, when I come to the council, I get to have it looked at by seven, eight, nine, 10 different
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guys with different inputs and different experiences to help look for a better solution.
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Um, and sometimes it just, it validates, like I had a solution in my mind, but I hadn't put
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And then you hear five other guys like, yeah, that's going to work.
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Um, and just the general sense of brotherhood, knowing that you can rely on people across the
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world that want to help you succeed is incredible.
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Um, and the problem that I had with the military life was everyone I talked to in the military
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We're all pretty aggressive and we all kind of have a similar, uh, mental take on almost
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any problems and what the solutions we're going to provide.
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So not wanting to be within that bubble, I left and I found a new group that has really
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expanded my mind, how I look at the world and has helped me to, uh, recover and then
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It sounds like you've, you've overcome some pretty significant hurdles in your professional
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The home life is getting better, uh, mainly because just the effect of not being really good
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at being able to shut the door at work, come home and be home life, uh, separate from the
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Um, but once there was a little bit of stability at work, coming home became less stressful.
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Uh, there's still things we're working through and working towards, but, um, my wife is really
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Um, so all I really had to do since was make sure that I was doing my part to be part of
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Um, and she holds my feet to the fire just as much as the guys in the council do.
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But a lot of the, uh, skills that you learn in the council, I really bled over into my personal
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So her and I are now on the fire, are finally on the same page in terms of finances and how
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we're going to get from where we are now to debt free.
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And I think that going forward from here, there's going to be a lot more we can go to
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And then from there, we're going to believe that over and say, okay, what else can we fix?
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And, uh, what problems do we both see that we can analyze, we can fix, and we can improve
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Yeah, that, that clear and open communication, man, that's such a huge factor.
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Whenever you're, you're trying to get things running, when you're trying to get a machine
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So brother, what has been your biggest takeaway since you kind of started this, this journey
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that I know whenever you and I first started talking, you, you loved your, your, your military
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brotherhood, you know, like you'd already said, but you noticed that everybody was kind
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of heading the same direction and you wanted to think beyond that next level.
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What's been your biggest takeaway as you've been working towards that next level?
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The biggest takeaway is definitely the, I always forget the quote of you are the sum of
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the four or five people you surround yourself with.
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And if you surround yourself with people who always agree with you, you're never going
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And that comes from your relationship with your partner to people you work with, your
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So now that I have people around me that also want to grow and also want to improve, it
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makes my journey not necessarily easier, but it validates it.
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You know, there are guys that have accomplished so much more than I have that I can look to
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And it's not just because I could run faster or do more pushups or push more weight.
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These guys put in the time when it came to really, you know, recovering and overcoming
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Like these are issues that every man can connect with.
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And now that I have a brotherhood of guys that do that every day, or at least work towards
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it, it really helps to cement that the work that I'm doing will have a problem.
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It will have an outcome and it's going to be beneficial overall.
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So guys, you guys all know that every week you get a challenge for my guest.
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So Duff, you get to challenge the guys in the order of man to do something for one solid
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What is it you're going to challenge these guys to do?
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I challenge the guys to look inward and realize that you're not always going to be the strongest
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And to, when you do that, realize that there are people around you who are also going to
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They're going to help guide you and don't fight that.
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It's okay to have points of weakness in your life and it's okay to not always be strong,
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but realize that part of being strong is also admitting when you're going to be weak.
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And honoring that part of yourself, it's the only way to improve.
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If you keep battling the fact that you think you have to be strong all the time, every day
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in and out, then the people around you aren't going to have a chance to grow and you're going
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to shut off parts of yourself that need to be dealt with.
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So I challenge every guy to realize throughout this week that there are going to be points
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of weakness to figure out how to overcome that weakness, but to honor it, to realize it,
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to accept it, and to move forward with that without fighting it every step of the way.
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Let's see those in the Order of Man Facebook group with the hashtag in the trenches.
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So I got one more question for you, and this is one that I did not prepare you for.
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Being a man is showing integrity, it's showing discipline, and it's showing bravery, knowing
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that you are being looked at all the time, whether it's from your children, your spouse, your
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friends, and every action you have is going to impact their image of you, and the way people
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feel about you is going to impact how you feel about yourself.
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So doing the right thing, being the right guy, standing up for what you believe in, honoring
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that there are injustices in this world, and you can do something to help them or combat them,
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and generally just being a man, I mean, I can't say much more than that.
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We're coming up on time, and I do appreciate you joining me today.
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If you've been inspired by this conversation, we encourage you to learn more about the steps,
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tools, strategy, and resources these men are using inside of our exclusive brotherhood,
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The Iron Council is a band of brothers dedicated to leveling up their lives and committed to
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You can learn more at orderofman.com slash inthetrenches.
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Until next week, take action and become the man you are meant to be.