JACKSON HIGHTOWER ｜ Understanding Sexual Dynamics Between Men and Women
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 1 minute
Words per Minute
207.21928
Summary
The sexual dynamics between the sexes aren t something that we address as often as we should. It's something that impacts men and women on a daily basis, but we're simply expected as men to know how to speak to the opposite sex in terms of sexual attraction and intimacy. This often leads to frustration in the bedroom and beyond. My guest today is Jackson Hightower, a sexual mastery expert who works closely with men in building intimacy and sexual connection between man and woman.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
The sexual dynamics between the sexes aren't something that we address as often as we should.
00:00:05.380
It's something that impacts men and women on a daily basis, but we're simply expected
00:00:10.460
as men to know how to speak to the opposite sex in terms of sexual attraction and intimacy.
00:00:16.640
This often leads to frustration in the bedroom and beyond.
00:00:20.440
My guest today is Jackson Hightower, and he is a sexual mastery expert who works closely
00:00:25.760
with men in building intimacy and sexual connection between man and woman.
00:00:32.040
Today we talk about what women find sexually attractive and irresistible, why men struggle
00:00:37.240
to communicate their sexual wants, needs, and desires, what is causing the increase in erectile
00:00:43.320
dysfunction and lowering testosterone rates, how a man can improve his performance under
00:00:48.400
the sheets, and learning to satisfy both your woman and have your own needs met.
00:00:56.140
You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.
00:01:00.520
When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
00:01:04.980
You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.
00:01:14.260
At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:01:19.460
Gentlemen, welcome to the Order of Man podcast.
00:01:22.660
I'm the host and the founder of this movement, and we have been going strong for nine years.
00:01:27.220
So first and foremost, I need to thank you for tuning in, for banding with us, for supporting
00:01:31.840
this movement and this mission to reclaim and restore masculinity.
00:01:35.920
You know as well as I do in this degenerate society that we need more righteous, noble,
00:01:41.260
capable, strong, old, assertive men, maybe, than we ever have.
00:01:46.180
And it will only get worse unless we're willing to step up.
00:01:49.160
And I have taken it upon myself to interview incredible men and get their insight and their
00:01:57.020
Guys like Jocko Willink and Ben Shapiro and Tim Kennedy and Tim Tebow and David Goggins
00:02:03.340
and any other man, really, who has something interesting, unique, and insightful to share with us.
00:02:10.200
So please make sure you subscribe if you haven't, and that way we can continue to spread the word
00:02:15.700
and get this mission, again, of reclaiming and restoring masculinity out to the masses.
00:02:20.440
Guys, I just want to introduce my show sponsor and, of course, my good friends over at Montana
00:02:26.400
I believe that every good man needs a good knife, and whether you're looking for something
00:02:30.940
to carry around daily, or you need something for your hunting, or out in the field, or you
00:02:37.840
need something in the kitchen as you're making your food for your family and yourself, look
00:02:51.480
I've been able to build a knife with Master Knife Smith, Josh Smith, and I can tell you
00:02:56.980
this is a great company doing great things to bring back American manufacturing.
00:03:01.340
So again, if you're looking for a knife, check it out at montananifecompany.com and use the
00:03:05.800
code ORDEROFMAN, all one word, ORDEROFMAN at checkout, to save some money when you do.
00:03:11.760
All right, guys, let me introduce you to my guest.
00:03:13.580
His name, again, is Jackson Hightower, and he is a sexual mastery expert.
00:03:17.020
He spent the last 15 years of his life really immersing himself in understanding the sexual
00:03:26.380
He's worked with some of the greatest teachers in the world and studies everything from Tantra
00:03:31.700
to Taoist practices and modern biohacking techniques, and he works with men all over
00:03:37.240
the world to improve their vitality, their confidence, their purpose.
00:03:40.940
He also helps them on their journey to physical, mental, and sexual well-being, and he offers
00:03:45.640
coaching courses and supplements for men to optimize their health, performance, and pleasure.
00:03:56.240
I've got a lot of questions I want to talk with you about that I don't think I've really
00:04:00.020
addressed in over nine years of doing this now.
00:04:07.540
Well, so the first question I have, because we're going to talk a lot about sexual mastery,
00:04:12.680
the differences between sexual desires and preferences between men and women, obviously
00:04:18.920
We can't get too much into specifics necessarily.
00:04:21.820
But I'm really curious if in your perspective, in your experience, does this tend to be something
00:04:28.940
Because I don't think there's taboo necessarily, but I think us actually talking about improving
00:04:36.100
sexual performance in the bedroom isn't something that a lot of guys talk about other than just
00:04:43.280
Most of the stuff that I see is based off of our egos.
00:04:46.820
And men, we have healthy egos and we like to be good at whatever it is that we do.
00:04:51.660
And especially in this particular area, I find that the ego plays a big role.
00:04:57.700
And we're never taught this stuff as we're growing up.
00:05:02.560
If you go to be a doctor, you go to medical school.
00:05:04.480
If you go to be a lawyer, you're going to law school.
00:05:07.400
Um, this is an area where it's so important to our lives, sexual health and sexual wellness
00:05:11.900
and being able to be, um, you know, you know, consummate lovers is great.
00:05:23.060
You're used to saying that because, because of Instagram, right?
00:05:29.040
So I'm kind of like, it's a different language.
00:05:32.360
Um, but, but, but when, but when it comes down to it, men are generally not comfortable sharing
00:05:40.000
this with other guys because of that ego and that machismo that we have a little bit.
00:05:43.980
And so it takes a guy who's a bit evolved, a bit conscious of saying, Hey, I may actually
00:05:48.180
not know exactly what I'm doing because I've never been taught.
00:05:50.780
And I've sort of been fumbling and learning along the way, hopefully getting some guidance,
00:05:54.340
but generally being taught a lot of the wrong things.
00:05:56.580
So it's a, it's a mix of ego and it's a mix of never being taught this stuff and just being
00:06:02.160
humble and saying, Hey, this is an area that I definitely like, I, I can learn more here.
00:06:08.500
And then finding other men who, um, who are also in that same, you know, uh, framework where
00:06:15.840
And I think it takes a guy who, you know, gets out of that sort of, um, uh, you know, I
00:06:22.440
know everything type of a type of demeanor because in this area, they don't.
00:06:27.560
Well, I, you know, in addition, I'm sure it's ego driven, like you said, but in addition
00:06:31.120
to that, I, I, I also wonder if it's because when it comes to sex, and again, I'm speaking
00:06:36.420
in generalities here, men probably view it more on the spectrum of transactional than
00:06:43.680
So a lot of guys are probably thinking in themselves, what's to learn, get in there, get it done,
00:06:50.120
Whereas women see it as more, again, generally speaking, a more bonding, emotional, not
00:07:02.700
Uh, and so when men go into the experience of, of, of sexual intimacy, usually they have
00:07:12.200
It may just be like, Hey, I need to, to, to get off myself.
00:07:17.820
You know, the way that women approach a lot of this stuff is emotional based.
00:07:24.360
I want security so that they can drop into a space where they feel really comfortable
00:07:27.480
and then can then be much more sexually, um, primed as you could, as you say, what I
00:07:32.560
think men fail to realize a lot is that we're made differently.
00:07:38.080
They need to be, you know, they need to have that slow boil, right.
00:07:41.620
In that, in the art of foreplay and getting them up to a place where they actually, they
00:07:47.220
We, you know, fortunately or unfortunately, we don't need that, right?
00:07:53.360
And the thing that I find is that the amount of foreplay that, that men are aware that
00:08:00.320
they should be focusing on is significantly less than what women are really like, what
00:08:04.940
their bodies actually need, you know, 20, 25, 30 minutes of foreplay.
00:08:12.360
So women want to have an emotional experience where they can connect and have a felt sense
00:08:17.040
men, because of the way our bodies work, you know, we're the ones that are entering the
00:08:23.620
And it's a very, it's, when you think about that, that's a really powerful, powerful frame
00:08:28.280
of reference, um, allowing someone to enter your body.
00:08:31.220
And so, you know, taking time, you know, is an important thing that I teach a lot of the
00:08:35.620
It's like, use all of the skills that you have, but don't just go right to the thing, you
00:08:40.240
know, and that's also the art of understanding men and women speak differently.
00:08:43.960
You know, the way that we communicate is different.
00:08:45.720
So you have to sort of come into that translation mode.
00:08:48.540
Um, and, uh, and that's, it can sometimes be difficult if you've never been taught it
00:08:53.140
You talk about foreplay, not just being physical foreplay.
00:09:03.800
Maybe it's, you know, suggestive texts or comments.
00:09:07.780
What does, what does foreplay look like outside of physical intimacy?
00:09:12.800
You know, I, I tell guys like foreplay starts the moment that you're finished, right?
00:09:18.300
And so it's communication, it's verbal, it's voice notes, it's text messages.
00:09:23.380
Um, and I encourage guys, you know, and obviously depending on the relationship dynamic, but
00:09:38.960
They, they want to have foreplay that is indirect.
00:09:42.220
And so the way that you communicate with a woman via text or whatever it is, a lot of
00:09:46.860
guys sort of can be overt because if we're speaking to a guy or we're trying to get something
00:09:50.720
done in business, we're like a to B, that's the way we communicate with women.
00:09:53.900
It's actually like, it's, it's, it's not a to B it's, we want to, we want to sort of
00:09:58.740
skirt around the issue and, and, and use metaphors and use analogies and communicate in a way that
00:10:03.860
a woman is going to be much more properly, um, she's going to receive it a lot better.
00:10:11.600
And then also I talked to guys about love languages.
00:10:13.840
If they don't know what love languages are, love languages are kind of like the way that
00:10:21.580
Um, one is physical touch, which most men that's their love language is physical touch.
00:10:26.020
First, there's words of affirmation, which is communicating verbally with your partner
00:10:33.920
Which is just spending time with a person, um, doing whatever it is that you may be doing
00:10:39.260
Another one is acts of service where you're going out of your way to do certain things
00:10:42.620
around the house or, you know, um, you know, things that, you know, that they may need to
00:10:48.340
Uh, and then there's, um, gifts, which is like, you know, giving someone, you know, a
00:10:53.500
It doesn't need to be big things, but it could be a little thing.
00:10:55.760
So what I tell guys is like, learn what your partner's love language is.
00:11:01.080
And if you can determine what that love and everyone has a bit of everything, but usually there's
00:11:05.180
two that are major that are, that are go above and beyond the rest.
00:11:08.980
So if you can figure out what that is and then utilize that love language, you know,
00:11:13.980
in the time that you're not being physically intimate with each other, that could be really
00:11:17.060
effective, um, at helping, you know, to, so that your partner knows and they're feeling
00:11:21.720
love the way that they want to feel the love because everybody's different.
00:11:29.540
So it's hard because there's a tremendous amount.
00:11:33.480
I was just going to say, that's a challenge because the way, for example, the way I receive
00:11:39.320
And for me, the secondary would be words of affirmation.
00:11:43.720
So it's easy for me to assume that everybody else feels the same.
00:11:50.980
So when she's wanting to feel loved, I just give her physical touch and words of affirmation,
00:12:01.940
I don't, it's not like I don't, I don't want to do that.
00:12:05.480
But if I know it, then I can cater my love language to what makes her feel comfortable
00:12:13.540
The big key here is that if you're in a partnership, you have to remember, or you're
00:12:19.940
being intimate with someone, you have to remember that you have to speak the way that they are
00:12:25.100
going to receive you best or act the way that they're going to receive you best.
00:12:29.720
And so it's not just like, well, if I want this, that I'm going to do this to this person.
00:12:33.520
That's often the exact wrong approach, especially when it comes to being with a woman, because
00:12:42.120
Um, and so it's getting into the mindset and sort of thinking like, okay, instead of saying
00:12:47.200
something that's very direct, right, I'll give you a great example, guys, you know, we're
00:12:55.340
They could be doing anything and a visual image is amazing.
00:12:58.640
Um, I get a lot of comments from when they're like, can you please tell the guys not to send
00:13:04.680
Like they don't send us, they don't send us those, we don't like those, right?
00:13:09.020
But, but, but so if a guy's like, oh, if I like a visual image of a woman, then she's
00:13:15.240
And the reality is it couldn't be further for the truth, right?
00:13:20.600
They're not visual creatures the way that same way men are.
00:13:22.760
So men need to get in the mindset of like, okay, how can I translate this experience, right?
00:13:27.580
How can I act, think, or behave a little bit differently and say, put my mind and put myself
00:13:32.420
in the, in the position of the woman and say, what is going to resonate best with her?
00:13:36.780
What is going to, what is going to get her to a place where she feels the most, you know,
00:13:41.320
uh, uh, safety and the most connection and the most, you know, emotional, um, uh, you know,
00:13:47.860
And so you kind of have to have to play it a little bit differently than I want to do this,
00:13:54.100
It's like, well, what if we, what if we had a more indirect way of communicating that?
00:13:58.240
Cause that's going to resonate much more with her.
00:14:00.020
Um, just like the art of foreplay, you start with everything other than the direct penetration.
00:14:06.460
It's all about the indirectness I find is, is the, is, is where a man can develop incredible
00:14:11.580
amounts of acuity and boil that water over time, right?
00:14:15.900
That's what you're doing with the woman and you're, and you're continually elevating her
00:14:20.540
And you're doing that when you're not with each other during the week with all the different,
00:14:24.840
you know, facets of, of, uh, of non, non-physical foreplay.
00:14:29.020
Like, how do you, how do you get to the point where you are confident enough to experiment
00:14:37.300
Because I think a lot of guys feel a level of risk associated with behaving in new ways.
00:14:42.620
You know, even if you're saying based on your experience, this is going to be much more
00:14:51.300
Even though you might say that there's going to be a lot of hesitancy in a guy, maybe doing
00:14:57.300
something that's a little risky or being running into the scenario where maybe he gets shot down
00:15:03.980
So how do you get to the point of confidence to experiment and try some of these things
00:15:10.560
I think the first is, you know, rejection can be really helpful and it can be really
00:15:19.740
Um, I know one likes to fail, but it is such an incredibly important thing.
00:15:24.340
That's how I got started in all of this because I had a couple of experiences when I was in
00:15:30.980
I was not, I was not competent in any aspect of the experience.
00:15:34.340
And I was told that, and there was really direct feedback.
00:15:38.440
But for what I tell guys is like, look, you have to start somewhere, right?
00:15:41.860
And you have to get to a place where you're like, Hey, if I try this, some of it may work,
00:15:46.720
But the reality is you're moving towards a place where you're continually building a
00:15:52.840
So, you know, I would just say to, I would say to a guy who's in a partnership, you know,
00:15:58.500
Um, having a, a space where you can try things and you can feel comfortable with that.
00:16:03.160
You know, you should be confident enough to try something new with the partner.
00:16:06.940
And, and usually having those conversations outside of the bedroom dynamic where you're,
00:16:10.360
you're not in that physical intimacy space right away.
00:16:13.220
Um, and if you're not in a partnership and you're trying different things, you know,
00:16:17.420
and you're dating, if you're, if you're dating or if you're getting, you know, a couple of
00:16:20.880
people or whatever it is that you're doing, um, giving it a go, it's not going to, it's
00:16:24.940
not going to, it's not going to hurt you because you're going to learn, right?
00:16:27.980
When you first start going to the gym, you don't know what you're doing, but you're giving
00:16:30.620
it a shot and you're, and you're testing things out and you see other people, how they're
00:16:33.740
doing things and you're reading things and, or whatever it may be.
00:16:36.460
So in, in this area, I say, try, fail, it's going to be okay.
00:16:42.000
And, and, and because, you know, at the end of the day, you're not going to get dumped
00:16:46.440
over, over one, you know, little thing, you know what I mean?
00:16:49.260
Um, but I, I believe that failure is actually key.
00:16:52.780
And I think that if men can get over that hump of acknowledging that, Hey, I don't know this
00:16:57.480
stuff and I want to learn, and I'm going to start with at ground zero, that you're going
00:17:02.020
to have to make some mistakes and making mistakes as part of the game.
00:17:05.860
Do, so this might be a weird way to ask this question and you can probably give me a better
00:17:10.020
way to frame it, but do men get quote unquote credit?
00:17:14.440
So to speak for experimenting and trying something new, even if she's not maybe totally feeling
00:17:20.860
it or totally into it, is there some sort of positive benefit that could come from that?
00:17:26.840
You know, men, we lead and generally speaking, you know, as a man who's in his masculine and
00:17:33.480
rooted, um, a woman will follow that lead and be a part of his team.
00:17:37.440
And as long as the man is coming from a place of, um, no ego in a place of, uh, exploration,
00:17:45.860
open-mindedness, open-heartedness, I believe that a woman who's really into that man is going
00:17:53.700
They may not say it verbally, but they're going to get it.
00:17:55.480
And then they may come back with, here's an adjustment, right?
00:18:02.660
So, um, but it's a great, it's a great question.
00:18:05.160
Um, but if they're confident and they are, um, doing it in a way that isn't over overtly,
00:18:12.240
you know, sort of machismo and they come into a space where it's like, Hey, let's try and
00:18:17.220
I believe that they, they, there is a level of credit, um, that would be given if the
00:18:21.960
woman is in the right frame of reference and frame of mind of how she feels about her
00:18:27.980
It seems like there's some sort of stigma around feedback in, in the sexual department,
00:18:33.220
you know, where, uh, a guy might be hesitant to give his woman some feedback on what he
00:18:43.160
I actually appreciate the feedback because I'd like it to be pleasurable for everybody.
00:18:47.500
Like, I don't want things to just be beneficial for me.
00:18:52.020
And I, I think most good men are like that and it would be the same.
00:18:56.360
And so I think if there's a woman listening, like you don't have to shy away from, like
00:19:01.360
we as men actually like it so we can do better and be better.
00:19:07.540
The key is with all this stuff is communication and it's not always what is said, it's how
00:19:14.220
So when I, I have a lot of female followers as well.
00:19:16.980
And so anyone who's following this female, I believe that, um, if a woman offers feedback
00:19:24.480
from a heart centered place in an effort to really, um, be like as a team, not sort of
00:19:30.880
accusatory or, you know, you did this or you did that.
00:19:33.980
And it's more like, Hey, I would love this if we did this together.
00:19:38.340
Men have a tremendous amount of value and self-worth that's tied to their sex, their sexual energy,
00:19:47.100
Um, and if a guy is open-minded enough to be able to receive the feedback and it comes
00:19:53.840
from a heart centered place from the woman as like, Hey, let's try this together.
00:20:02.140
And, and if a woman can tap into the way that she is communicating to her partner and also
00:20:09.360
not necessarily doing it during the sexual experience or immediately after, right?
00:20:17.840
Where you guys are communicating about something together and saying, Hey, let's talk about
00:20:22.680
Let's talk about like, wait, you know, like things that you would like more of, let's
00:20:26.340
talk about things that you would like less of, um, or, you know, how I can improve this
00:20:31.180
experience and creating that safe space, that safe container outside of the bedroom.
00:20:37.020
Uh, I think that could be really important, but it's the way that it's communicated.
00:20:40.460
It has to be, it has to be done with a tremendous amount of love because that area is the single
00:20:46.300
biggest trigger point for men is when it comes down to their sexual capacities, performance
00:20:52.400
I like what you said about not being accusatory and, and, and just saying, Hey, let's try
00:20:56.340
together is something that stood out to me, you know?
00:20:58.940
And I, and I think sometimes between men and women, it's probably more so with men again,
00:21:07.060
Again, a lot of guys are like, I just need to get off.
00:21:11.060
And it's objectification of women, which obviously isn't healthy for anybody.
00:21:15.440
But now you're talking about, Hey, we're, we're a team.
00:21:17.960
We're not, I'm not having this interaction separate than you.
00:21:26.080
That, that thing is important is that, you know, if the, the more men can get away from
00:21:30.220
this sort of like, it's a transactional experience, right?
00:21:32.960
And it's actually more of just like an experience, right?
00:21:36.240
A pleasurable experience of exploration, right?
00:21:38.940
Where, you know, and again, this, this, this gets out of the sort of the typical frame of
00:21:44.320
reference of like, we're going to have sex, I'm going to get off.
00:21:46.400
And then, you know, we're going to go, I'm going to go off with my day or whatever it
00:21:49.800
If you can move it out of this transactional environment into a, Hey, this is a pleasurable
00:21:56.880
And I think as men, we want to be able to provide pleasure for our partner, right?
00:22:00.920
That, that's sort of like a nice ego stroke for us.
00:22:04.320
Hey, I, you know, she's going to be, um, I, I believe like a much more happy, like, you
00:22:09.020
know, loving connected partner if she's regularly, you know, being made love to in a way that
00:22:16.320
I talk about that a lot of like female orgasmic energy is, is potent and it infuses their system
00:22:22.840
and they become totally different women when a woman is skillfully made love to, you
00:22:29.360
Um, and so as men, we, I, I believe in the sort of, this is what I share is like being
00:22:35.180
able to know what to do as a man is, is going to be helpful for us for our own ego.
00:22:43.720
Um, I find it over and over again where women ask me, like, how do I give feedback to my
00:22:48.440
I say, talk about something he did really well first, right?
00:22:52.520
They should say how much they're like, talk about something he did really well and maybe
00:22:55.900
talk about two things that he did really well and then say, Hey, and you know what?
00:23:00.880
I would love more of this next time we, we explore together.
00:23:04.000
Or if you want to try this, that would be amazing.
00:23:06.560
And then kind of go on that road where you're successfully, you know, you stroke his ego a little
00:23:10.700
bit because it's important and then you say, Hey, let's try this, right?
00:23:14.360
But it's, but it's this togetherness component, which is going to make or break the way that
00:23:19.120
that is communicated because otherwise the men tend to shut down and that's not good.
00:23:23.620
And then you get in your head and you get sort of all sorts of performance anxiety issues
00:23:27.140
and then you're thinking about it a lot and you're not enough and all the value and self-worth
00:23:30.760
things that come with, um, that the sexual, you know, areas in our lives.
00:23:35.300
How do you, so you're talking a lot about feedback and doing this together, but how does a
00:23:41.000
Let's say he's with a woman who maybe isn't as vocal or forthright about, you know, sexual
00:23:48.780
How does a guy who wants to know, Hey, am I doing a good job in this department?
00:23:52.120
Begin to solicit some of that feedback from his partner.
00:23:54.760
I would say one is you create a space outside of the bedroom to talk about it.
00:23:58.720
Number two, the man needs to come because here's something interesting.
00:24:03.160
So a lot of times women don't like to give feedback to men because they are afraid they're
00:24:09.800
And so the man needs to come from a place and say, Hey, I would love to really understand
00:24:20.240
And I know that I may not be, you know, the good at all of this sort of stuff, but I really
00:24:26.580
And I would love to hear from you where I can improve or where this experience can be
00:24:32.380
And if a man comes from that super open place where they actually are truly open-minded to
00:24:37.380
hearing the feedback, then I believe that the woman will be primed in a place where she
00:24:42.520
can actually give that feedback without making him feel badly.
00:24:47.660
So if she really feels that you are there and you are present, you are ready for that feedback,
00:24:53.480
But if you don't preface that, a lot of times women will not give direct feedback because
00:25:00.180
they are afraid of hurting his feelings or making him shut down or things like that,
00:25:07.040
So it's got to be, again, as a man, the container needs to be set up properly, right, for that
00:25:16.240
And we need to really own it as men and saying, Hey, we can get better at everything, right?
00:25:24.060
So this is an area where I know I can improve and I would love to create a better experience
00:25:29.080
Well, I imagine also it's probably, you know, we've all heard the adage, you train people
00:25:37.160
And so what you expect, what you tolerate, how you receive feedback is really going to
00:25:42.740
determine how somebody is going to treat you or respond in the future.
00:25:46.340
Whether we're talking about sexual intimacy with your wife or asking your kids how you're
00:25:52.560
doing as their father or getting feedback back at work or constructive criticism.
00:25:57.220
If you blow up, lose your mind, lose your cool, lose track of your emotions, shut down, like
00:26:04.220
you're saying, of course, she's never going to share anything with you again.
00:26:08.500
But if you handle critique and feedback with some humility and grace, then you're teaching
00:26:16.520
people that you're strong enough mentally and emotionally to receive feedback, to improve
00:26:26.700
The humility and dropping the ego and saying, Hey, I'm coming into this space knowing that
00:26:32.000
I as a man want to improve in all aspects of my life.
00:26:34.780
And I'm ready to hear feedback from people that can give it to me and I'm open to that.
00:26:39.420
And by the way, feedback is, is one person's feedback, maybe one thing, but if you're getting
00:26:43.420
consistent feedback across the board from a variety of people, you know that you may need
00:26:46.720
to look into that, but it's, it's, it's key and offering it from a heart centered place
00:26:54.540
on both sides is, is very important where you actually really, really, really care about
00:27:00.660
You're not just doing it to just to, to, to start something.
00:27:03.800
Do you get like you personally, do you get a lot of pushback because it, people think
00:27:10.080
you're, you're gaming the system or, or you're manipulating or like, what kind of feedback
00:27:15.360
do you personally receive when you talk about these things?
00:27:17.580
Cause I imagine there is some of that, although in talking with you, following you for some
00:27:22.620
amount of time, like I can see that it's not just about getting a dude laid.
00:27:26.800
Like you're actually, you actually care about men and you care about women, but I imagine
00:27:31.020
there's, there's a side of people who think something different of what the work that you
00:27:37.080
Um, I come from this from a very, very, very heart centric place.
00:27:42.440
And all of the information that I give is so that we can all have better sex in general.
00:27:46.560
Cause I think, you know, better sex is, it creates a better world, right?
00:27:50.580
Um, I think there's a tremendous amount of, um, you know, uh, angst and, and issues and
00:27:57.920
whatever it is that result from a lopsided orgasm ratio or things like that.
00:28:05.040
So when I share with men, like these are things that you need to get into.
00:28:08.420
And, and so, yeah, you could say, oh, that guy's just doing this to like get the woman
00:28:13.780
And I say, yeah, maybe that works like once or something, but the reality is you're not
00:28:24.300
So it's not like the, the pickup stuff, you know, the back in the day that the pickup
00:28:28.080
artist, I don't do any, that that's not something that I'm into at all.
00:28:31.800
Um, because the reality is, you know, that might work for a one night stand here and there,
00:28:36.560
but you're talking about really understanding how to connect with a woman.
00:28:40.880
And if you're not in a place where you want to take that on, that's not, that's a, that's
00:28:47.420
And so it expands outside of the realm of just the sexual experience.
00:28:52.240
So for me, um, you know, what, what I coach guys is like, you need to figure out who you
00:29:00.080
And if you are just looking for a one night stand, quick things like that's go somewhere
00:29:05.720
But if you actually want to understand a woman's body and understand what makes her tick and
00:29:09.560
understand like how she communicates, it's going to take a level of effort that's going
00:29:14.680
to weed out the people that are just like, Oh, like, you know, I'll just want to do this
00:29:21.360
I've studied this stuff for like 15 plus years, you know, and I understand.
00:29:26.180
And every experience that I have, I come in from a place of like, um, genuine exploration
00:29:31.420
and joy and, and like, uh, and wanting to understand and connect and provide pleasure, but also have
00:29:40.020
So, um, I think it's easy to weed out the guys that are like, Oh, uh, you know, I'll do these
00:29:45.320
things and then I'll get, but that's not what I share.
00:29:51.300
Man, let me step away from the conversation just for a minute.
00:29:53.760
As you may know, the iron council, that's our exclusive brotherhood is officially open
00:29:58.200
for registration. Uh, what you may not know is what exactly the iron council is and how
00:30:04.240
it can benefit you. Now, early this year, we made the decision to pull back the curtain
00:30:09.400
and do a preview call during our open window. This was extremely, extremely valuable for
00:30:14.900
men who were sitting on the fence. Uh, many of these guys knew they needed brotherhood
00:30:19.160
and camaraderie and accountability, but were skeptical to say the least that the iron council
00:30:25.240
could provide it. So if this is you, we've got you covered. We're going to be hosting
00:30:29.640
a preview call this Thursday, June 27th at 8 PM Eastern. Again, that's June 27th at 8 PM
00:30:37.440
Eastern. You're going to hear from some of the leaders and men making huge differences
00:30:43.300
and strides in their lives. And you'll be able to ask any questions that you may have
00:30:48.300
to see if the council is right for you. So if you want to join us again, that's June 27th
00:30:52.740
at 8 PM Eastern, head to the iron council.com slash preview, the iron council.com slash preview.
00:31:00.200
You can do that now. That way you'll be emailed and notified when we go live on Thursday, the
00:31:05.160
27th at 8 PM Eastern, the iron council.com slash preview. Now let's get back to it with Jackson.
00:31:13.280
In, in your experience with, with working all with all of your clients, what is, what is the
00:31:18.320
general feel or I don't know if it's health necessarily, or just where a man is mentally,
00:31:24.080
emotionally, spiritually in having multiple sexual partners at a time versus, uh, you know,
00:31:31.940
a single partner, whether it's long-term or a single partner at a time. Have you noticed
00:31:35.760
any trends there in how men feel about themselves, um, or their confidence levels or how they interact
00:31:42.100
with other aspects of their lives? I think, um, for the younger men, um, there's this sort
00:31:47.920
of, uh, energy of like wanting to connect with multiple people and learn, you know, the bodies
00:31:53.960
of, of, you know, learn how different women are and learn about different, you know, female anatomies
00:31:59.140
and things like that. And as men in like their thirties and forties, I'm finding who are, you know,
00:32:04.460
part of my customers who are DMing me, they're much more interested in like the, the single partner,
00:32:09.260
right. And really diving in and going deep with that partner. I think in general, it's difficult
00:32:14.000
to, um, you know, you only learn so much by having multiple partners, right? You learn much more by
00:32:19.420
having a partner, right? And then that they provide that mirror for you and then you can grow as a
00:32:23.860
human in, in a way that I find is, is, um, there's a cap almost if you're not, if you're consistently,
00:32:30.100
you know, moving from partner to partner. Um, but I think you can grow a tremendous amount,
00:32:36.980
um, in both areas. Right. And as younger men, we're trying to understand things, but it's also
00:32:42.280
about, it's being safe. It's being, you know, having those evolved conversations where it's
00:32:46.620
like, Hey, you know, we're dating and I'm, you know, also dating other people. I think that at
00:32:51.660
the end of the day, like women aren't necessarily geared like that. And so those relationships are
00:32:56.640
going to fall off the wayside, right. Where it's like, if a man's, you know, dating multiple
00:32:59.880
people at the same time. Um, and I encourage a man, like if you find a woman in a partner,
00:33:04.700
like you go deep, right. And you choose her and like, that's what you, that's what you
00:33:08.940
go for. And then you're going to explore and learn together because you have that safe
00:33:12.440
container where both of you feel trust and you feel comfortable. And then that enables
00:33:16.720
you to have much higher levels of sexual ecstasy when you have that trust, especially on the
00:33:21.700
female side, right. Because she, she, she's in that space of trust and surrender and there's
00:33:27.140
the emotional connection. Um, so that's, that's kind of what I, you know, share with men,
00:33:31.300
but there's a cap I would say on, on what you can experience just, you know, having multiple
00:33:36.160
partners and it's always best to, to achieve higher levels of sexual pleasure with, with
00:33:41.580
the person that you're in love with really. Yeah. I think for a lot of guys, just based
00:33:46.780
on, I don't know, cultural standards or norms or dogma that, you know, it's, you're going
00:33:51.280
to have higher levels of satisfaction with multiple partners, right. That we we've all heard
00:33:55.200
that because it's in a man's nature to, you know, go, go do his thing with multiple
00:33:59.740
partners. But I think, and that's what I wrote down here is I actually wrote down, as I was
00:34:04.580
thinking about this, the word trust and you said it, it seems like when you get to a position
00:34:08.980
of trust that you can have more real conversations, you can get into genuine feedback. You can
00:34:16.100
explore with each other a little bit more than you might be able to do. If you just met this
00:34:20.600
person, you know, not to mention all of the other ramifications of STDs and unwanted pregnancy
00:34:26.740
and all sorts of other things that come with being promiscuous.
00:34:30.020
Oh, so the, the, there are so many variables that you have to overcome when you have a new
00:34:35.320
partner, right? So like the learning of them, what makes them tick and that takes time, right?
00:34:39.860
Or it takes a level of mastery where you can learn it really quickly. But if you're, if
00:34:43.620
you're a guy and you have multiple partners and you have more sexual satisfaction, I don't
00:34:47.820
actually believe that you, you, if you're with one person, you start to really understand
00:34:53.180
what makes them tick. And that is a beautiful thing. And that takes, you know, time and
00:34:57.260
effort. And if you have multiple partners and you're doing that really quickly, you're
00:35:00.880
not going to get to that level because a, the female trust side isn't necessarily built
00:35:04.280
up and be your capacity to understand their body and what they want. It's just like, everything
00:35:10.040
is crunched. You know what I mean? So it doesn't, it doesn't work the same way. That's why if
00:35:13.780
you're with one person and you go deeper with them, the level of expansion and pleasure
00:35:17.900
What would you say to a guy who, you know, maybe they've been married for 10, 15, 20
00:35:22.580
years. Uh, they've been with the same woman since they were maybe high school sweethearts
00:35:26.600
or something like that. And they've got four kids and life and everything else. And the
00:35:31.020
guy, and maybe even his wife are feeling like, Hey, you know, things are a little stale in
00:35:35.280
the bedroom. Um, it does seem maybe transactional or they're, they're overly planning, you know,
00:35:42.040
their sexual, uh, dates and things like that. Like, what do you say to a guy like that?
00:35:46.880
He's like, man, I need something more. I don't want it outside of my marriage. I want
00:35:50.760
to hear in my marriage. Cause I love this woman, but what do I do to spice things up?
00:35:54.720
It's a great question. Um, and I have not been in that scenario, so I'm only giving advice
00:36:00.440
from the outside. Um, but, um, you know, number one is, yeah, I, what I would suggest is, you
00:36:09.320
know, a, um, you do need to make time for those experiences together, right? If you have kids
00:36:16.180
and you have jobs and you have this and that, like you, you might run into a situation where
00:36:19.280
you're never intimate with each other. Um, but in those scenarios, one is exploring things
00:36:25.700
that may be outside of the norm. You know, I, I believe that we as humans and aggregate
00:36:31.540
experience about 5% of ours, of, of the realm of like sexual pleasures and kinks and fetishes
00:36:37.660
and all that sort of stuff. Right. And so sometimes having those conversations where you open
00:36:42.240
up a gate and a portal into, Oh, what if we explored, you know, some sort of, uh, kink,
00:36:49.060
right? And kink isn't, it can be a variety of things. There's so many of them, right?
00:36:52.940
Where we have an open conversation and say, Hey, would it be interesting to you to explore,
00:36:56.500
you know, this, this, this, and you go through a list of questions and it's yes, no, maybe
00:37:00.400
yes, no, maybe, you know, where the other partner sits and then trying to bring some of
00:37:04.320
that stuff into the relationship could be really interesting and cool. I believe that setting
00:37:08.260
aside time where there are no other distractions and you can just be connected with each other
00:37:12.400
is actually important, especially if you have a busy life. Um, I found that a lot of people
00:37:16.600
that I know who have sexual, have great sexual experiences and they've been together for five
00:37:21.440
plus years, they make time for it, right? They have date night where like, there's nothing
00:37:25.200
else going on. They have no kids and they have, you know, everything is, is set up for them
00:37:29.480
to enjoy. And I would also say creating novel experiences, you know, going on a staycation
00:37:35.220
in a hotel in town, right? Where like they have, they're in a different place, right? You're
00:37:39.400
changing the frame of like where you are. You're not just in your bedroom at your house where your
00:37:42.920
kids are. And, you know, especially for the woman, she can get out of mom mode, right? And the
00:37:47.300
dad can get up dad mode and they're in an environment that is not in their house. Um, can that can be,
00:37:52.300
you know, sometimes enjoyable because it creates a different, you know, atmosphere, um, you know,
00:37:57.360
and, and consistently understanding again, what is that partner's love language hitting on those
00:38:02.140
things regularly? Maybe it's even like having a, an email address that's different from all the
00:38:07.000
other email addresses that you have, or having a different number that you text or a WhatsApp
00:38:10.780
versus an iMessage. And the, what the WhatsApp communication line is only for like, um, you
00:38:16.580
know, flirting and, and sexy conversations, right? And then you go to the iMessage and then it's sort
00:38:21.840
of the logistical day-to-day type stuff that you're doing as a partnership, right? Cause it's a
00:38:25.480
business, right? You're, you're with your, your partner, but finding a channel, this is where we only do
00:38:31.260
this. I was going to say, and you also don't want your kids picking up the iPad and seeing some of
00:38:37.320
those messages that are intended for your wife's eyes. Exactly. Exactly. But, you know, creating
00:38:45.040
those avenues where it's like, this is our play connection together, right? Whether it's a phone
00:38:50.380
number or an email or whatever it may be. And so you have to, because it takes work, you know what I
00:38:55.640
mean? It does, it takes work, it takes effort. And, and, you know, as a mom, you know, you may be
00:38:59.940
stressed out and you're managing your children and you may not be working out enough and you may
00:39:03.300
have weight gain. There's all these things that happen with partners, right? And there's complacency.
00:39:07.220
And I think that the key to having a thriving sex life as you get older is that a, you like
00:39:12.280
maintain a level of physical fitness. You stay connected with your own sexual energy. Um, you
00:39:17.240
create time and space for those experiences together. Um, and you, and you, uh, but you have to work at it.
00:39:22.600
It's just like everything else, right? You go to the gym and you work on your body and you have to
00:39:25.840
work on the relationship dynamic, especially in that sexual aspect together. Um, you know,
00:39:31.260
and so it takes time and commitment and effort. You, you talked about, uh, well, you're talking a
00:39:35.400
little bit about time right now, but you also talked about making time, carving out time. And
00:39:39.520
I mean, spontaneity I think is important, but also making sure when you do have busy schedules that
00:39:44.200
there is designated time for you guys to be intimate. I have a question that a lot of guys ask,
00:39:50.000
and I know this because of our Facebook group. This is something that often gets, gets brought
00:39:53.800
up guys, compare how often they're having sex. Like, Hey, you know, I get it once a week or
00:39:59.800
another guy's like, I get it two times and other guys, like I get it three times and other guys
00:40:03.320
like, man, three times, like I'd be in heaven if I had it three times a week. So is there a number
00:40:08.780
like it, is it all just subjective or is there something that guys should shoot for? Or is it just
00:40:15.980
whatever, however, how often you want it with your partner? There is no right answer. Um, what I say is,
00:40:22.840
you know, it depends on your age, twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, right? Um, generally
00:40:27.420
speaking, you're going to want more of it in your twenties. And then that's sort of like goes down
00:40:31.460
a little bit. Um, not to say that you shouldn't be having plenty of sex in your forties and fifties,
00:40:35.760
but your drive may not be as high as it was when then, um, you know, we hear this thing like,
00:40:41.680
Oh, like if you want to have a terrible sex life, get married. Right. Like, I don't, I don't really
00:40:45.960
believe that's true. I think that, you know, if you focus on this as an important part of your
00:40:50.080
relationship together, you can have plenty of sex in your forties, fifties, when you've been
00:40:54.080
married for a long time. What I do talk about is the amount of times that a man is actually like
00:41:00.620
releasing. And so that can shift and change, right? As the guys get older from twenties,
00:41:06.100
thirties, forties, fifties, that in terms of like what I've studied in Taoist tradition,
00:41:10.200
it's that, that life force energy that you have should be cultivated and it shouldn't necessarily
00:41:15.480
be released as often. So you'll find as a natural, you know, course, if a guy's in his forties and
00:41:21.340
fifties, he may not want to have sex four times a week, right? He may want to have sex twice a week
00:41:25.640
and that feels good for him. Um, it also depends on where the guy's at, you know, like if he wants
00:41:31.380
more kids, if he doesn't want more kids, if he's taking, you know, things that are going to increase
00:41:35.000
his sex drive, like a lot of guys in their forties and fifties start taking TRT and, you know,
00:41:38.960
hormone replacement therapy and stuff like that. Um, that's going to make their drive higher.
00:41:42.660
And so they're going to want it more, but there may be a disconnect with their female partner.
00:41:47.100
She may be going through early menopause or something like that. Um, and she may not be as,
00:41:51.440
as, as turned on. So, you know, understanding where your partner is at as well as is key. And
00:41:57.020
the more as men that we can pay attention to the, the, the, our female partner, right.
00:42:02.060
Understanding where they're at on their cycle, you know, you might have more sex when she's ovulating,
00:42:06.120
right. Because she may be primed and ready, right. And they may be quicker, more fun,
00:42:09.820
more spontaneous, um, as opposed to other parts of her cycle where, you know, it may be less
00:42:14.080
frequent. So as guys, I think we need to pay more attention to where our women are at on their cycle,
00:42:21.600
their emotions, their hormones, et cetera, so that we can optimize for how we can also get what we
00:42:26.980
want from the experience too, you know? So it's not just like, Oh, I wanted this, like figure out how
00:42:31.720
to connect with her. What turns her on? Like, you know, are you physically touching your partner
00:42:34.940
regularly? You know, what is, what are you doing in those times where you're consistently,
00:42:39.100
um, the art of foreplay, you're consistently, you know, uh, lubricating that, the engine almost,
00:42:44.200
right. Um, so that you can have more sex if you want it, you know, I think we're naturally kind of
00:42:50.860
going into this conversation, which is one thing I wanted to bring up and that it's the,
00:42:54.880
it's the topic of masturbation, you know, and, and cause you're talking about release and she might
00:43:00.460
not be on the same page as often as you. What is, what is your take on masturbation? Is that,
00:43:05.640
is, do you think generally it's better not to, and just be completely intimate with your spouse?
00:43:10.320
Do you think that's a healthy practice for men outside of the bedroom? What's your take on it?
00:43:15.900
Yeah. So a couple, couple things, you know, one masturbation is totally normal and it's totally
00:43:21.700
healthy. Um, I didn't grow up in a religious household. Uh, so, so I know maybe some of your viewers,
00:43:27.820
maybe they're Christian or they're Catholic and there's this sort of stigma around masturbation.
00:43:31.160
I just don't agree with it. So I think it's totally fine. Um, what's important is the frequency
00:43:36.900
as you get older. Um, and also what are you masturbating to? Um, that I think is, is,
00:43:45.400
is the real crux of the issue. And we talk about porn a lot and I truly believe that porn is the worst
00:43:50.020
thing that has ever happened to men for a variety of reasons. Number one, it teaches you all the wrong
00:43:54.100
moves. Number two, it creates tremendous amounts of sexual dysfunction.
00:43:57.240
And this has all been proven and it's all in science, ED, performance, anxiety, premature
00:44:01.260
ejaculation, et cetera. It's like a drug. So with, with a man who is, um, not in a partnership,
00:44:07.640
um, who may not have access to, you know, women or dating or sexual experiences, um, that man may
00:44:14.340
be more inclined to masturbate, you know, more regularly. And I always just say like, you know,
00:44:19.480
if my whole thing is like, is no, is no porn. I just don't think it's helpful at all. And some
00:44:24.540
people are like, Oh, well, you know, what about every now and then? Sure. But I don't think you
00:44:28.960
need it. You know, um, if you're in a partnership and you are finding yourself masturbating more
00:44:35.320
often than you want, you're not going to have as much energy and that drive and that will to then
00:44:39.680
be, be more sexually, you know, um, intimate with your partner. And so, um, a personal story when I
00:44:46.060
like was like 27, 28 years old, I was in a relationship and I saw myself watching more and
00:44:50.980
more porn and I was masturbating to porn and then I wouldn't have the energy or the drive or like
00:44:55.660
the real desire to be intimate with my partner. And I saw that and I, you know, I was just sort
00:45:00.080
of like super aware of it. I was like, this doesn't seem right. And then I ended up stopping
00:45:04.360
watching porn. Um, I know I still, you know, masturbate every now and then, but not all that
00:45:09.420
regularly, but I don't watch porn. I'm not using that stuff to sort of fuel that, but masturbation is
00:45:14.980
okay. The frequency of it needs to be monitored. Um, and as you get older, it should be less and less
00:45:20.500
and less, especially as you release. Right. So I talk a lot about edging or like semen retention
00:45:25.300
and it's just a practice where you are not releasing as often as you are masturbating.
00:45:31.700
Right. So it's, you know, maybe 60% of the time or 50% of the time or 70% of the time. Um,
00:45:37.940
and I do that because I noticed personally that when I release, and I know a lot of men do,
00:45:43.000
you get into the sort of the sleepy puppy, you get prolactin release in your body. Of course,
00:45:46.620
you become a little bit lethargic, a little bit tired. Like you don't have that drive,
00:45:50.000
that gusto. So when you don't release, and if you think about that, that's why fighters don't
00:45:54.620
release, you know, to a couple of like the week before the fight, cause they want all that juice.
00:45:58.080
They want all that, you know, that energy inside them. So, um, I would say if you're having sex
00:46:04.000
regularly with your partner, you definitely don't need to masturbate. Um, if you're not having sex
00:46:07.900
regularly with someone, um, you'll do it. But on a frequency that is, you know, based off of your age
00:46:12.720
and your level of health, um, younger guys obviously can afford to do it more. And as you get older,
00:46:17.580
it's sort of less and less. And I have some of this stuff, I have like a guide actually of like,
00:46:21.620
you know, a protocol of how often, um, you, you should release based off of your age and your
00:46:26.960
level of health. Um, that could be helpful, um, to look at. But, um, you know, I've got guys who
00:46:32.200
are in their sixties who are masturbating to porn three times a day. And I'm like,
00:46:35.140
I just don't, I don't see the benefit of that. I don't think that that's super healthy for,
00:46:40.320
you know, for a variety of reasons. And, and, and, and, and almost seems like it would be
00:46:44.020
addictive at that point. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's that level of addiction. It's that obsessive,
00:46:51.360
not of obsessiveness. It's all of that. Yeah. Yeah. And, and the, the, the biggest thing that
00:46:56.880
I find with my DMS, I get thousands of DMS a week is men at all of all ages, 15 to 70, um, are
00:47:07.000
addicted to porn and it's causing a tremendous amount of dysfunction in our lives. And it's making us
00:47:13.300
not as vital men, not as, um, competent men, not as sort of like a highest, our highest level of,
00:47:20.080
of being a man where it's hard to do when you're addicted to watching porn. Um, cause you're wasting
00:47:24.880
your time, you're wasting your life force. You're not probably doing some of the things that you
00:47:28.700
should be doing to elevate your life. So that's the biggest thing that I see. And it's sad. I've got
00:47:32.800
guys in their twenties who have ED like that never used to happen. Yeah. I mean, that's the crazy
00:47:37.340
thing. Yeah. Well, that, and then dwindling, dwindling testosterone rates. And I mean, this,
00:47:41.960
this stuff is all, is all a problem. And I think a lot of it can be traced back to sexual dysfunction
00:47:46.640
with, uh, with pornography. You know, you said guys are learning all the wrong moves,
00:47:52.080
which I think a lot of men will hear that and think that's a little counterintuitive because
00:47:56.080
they'll say, this is where they learn how to do it best, right? They learn all these techniques or
00:48:01.200
tips or whatever it might be. But you're saying, no, they're learning the wrong things. So help me
00:48:06.940
understand the difference. Porn is a movie. It's not a real sexual experience and they film it over
00:48:14.100
a number of hours over a course of a day or two days. Right. Um, and so just, just like, um,
00:48:21.060
anything is to take that in mind, you can learn some of the moves like of what they're doing. But
00:48:28.040
what I always find when I talk to women, women can tell when a man watches porn by the way that they make
00:48:34.680
love. And the vast majority of women don't like having sex like they do in porn, right? It's too
00:48:41.720
hard. It's too fast. There's no enough foreplay. Um, and sure you can learn some things, but the
00:48:48.920
speed at which it's happening and the visceral video nature of the video, right. And how fast
00:48:54.680
and hard it goes, um, is something that trains guys in a, in a very negative way. And it creates
00:49:00.560
neuroplasticity changes in their brain. What that means is the brain is actually changing the way
00:49:06.220
that it is perceiving this information. And it's creating an experience inside where it says, okay,
00:49:11.100
this is what sex is supposed to be like. And so when a guy who watches a lot of porn goes and has sex
00:49:15.720
with their partner, it's too fast. It's too rough. There's not enough attention paid on the female
00:49:19.840
because they're not realizing that that's not actually real, right? It's just a movie. It's just like,
00:49:24.400
it's a, it's a, not an actual experience. So, um, sure you can use, you know, the, a move or this
00:49:31.920
or that, but it becomes performative, right? Women can feel that when you're not actually present and
00:49:37.240
connected in the experience and listening to her body and understanding what she's saying to you
00:49:42.600
verbally and non-verbally, right? If you're just sort of like, oh, I'm going to do this move and I'm
00:49:46.120
going to do that move. That's not what women want. Women don't want that. They want you to be
00:49:50.840
connected with them, right? And then go slow because again, that the water boiling thing
00:49:56.460
and have the experience of foreplay and revving the engine up to the point. And then obviously
00:50:01.700
like there's points where you can have harder and faster sex, right? But that's not the beginning.
00:50:06.020
That's like, that's well into the experience, right? And most men can't even get, can't even
00:50:10.080
get there because they have premature ejaculation, right? Because they're watching porn and they have
00:50:14.320
sexual dysfunction. So I would say that, you know, um, porn is going to create a tremendous
00:50:20.500
amount of negative ramifications for men also in the self-worth issue. Like, right, like you're
00:50:24.920
watching guys that have been selected because they're hung like a horse and they can come all
00:50:29.320
day and whatever, all the stuff that they're doing. And then a guy's like, the guy's like, oh,
00:50:33.020
I'm not enough. I don't have, I don't look like that. And I can't do that. And so they have
00:50:39.740
performance anxiety because they get into the experience with a partner and they're like, they're
00:50:43.380
trying to do all this stuff and they can't. And it just creates a lot of, it's like this negative,
00:50:47.700
vicious cycle of, of negative programming. So, um, I just, I really encourage guys, um, to, to,
00:50:55.900
to not watch that because it's not helping anybody, you know, it's really not, but you
00:51:02.140
talked about something else interesting. I'll touch on this. So I was just going to say it. It's,
00:51:06.580
it's always interesting to me to see guys just fight tooth and nail for their pornography,
00:51:11.140
you know, and they'll make up all sorts of weird justifications and excuses. And to me,
00:51:16.880
I'm, I'm thinking to myself, like, what is the positive? Like, what is the net positive? If you
00:51:21.640
can explain a net positive, then, okay, let's discuss it. But I, I can't think of one. Like,
00:51:27.920
I can't think of one. It's like, oh, this makes me better in this way. It just doesn't seem like it
00:51:33.100
exists. It, it, it really doesn't. And I think someone who would try to fight for something is
00:51:39.480
really just not, um, acknowledging like the, the, the shadow part of them, right. Of like what they
00:51:45.380
really need to work on. Um, you know, the porn makers, they know exactly what they're doing.
00:51:50.140
They know that they have to keep increasing the level of intensity of the, of the videos
00:51:54.800
because you need that novelty for that dopamine hit to go up. That's what, that's what they have
00:51:59.180
to keep hitting that, that dopamine rush. So, um, yeah, it's, it's not a good, but there's something
00:52:04.800
else you talked about before was like the dropping tea and the dropping sperm counts and then the
00:52:08.620
addiction to porn and, you know, men we're facing a really interesting time right now,
00:52:14.680
right? We're in this battle for our, our testosterone. We're in a battle for our sperm
00:52:19.480
health. We're in a battle for our time, like not watching porn. We're in a battle, you know,
00:52:23.320
this high cold concept of hypergamy, right? Which is like, we need to elevate ourselves as men so that
00:52:27.600
we can be an attractive mate for a female partner, right? Of like making ourselves the best that we
00:52:32.640
can be financially, you know, uh, uh, emotionally, um, physically. And so the, the porn piece is a
00:52:40.540
huge part of it, right? Cause it saps our energy. It saps our libido. It saps our drive. And we start,
00:52:46.400
you know, not going out into the world and trying to find a partner because we're satiated. We've,
00:52:50.580
you know, jerked off three times at home. Like, are you going to go out and have energy to go try to
00:52:55.500
find a partner? Like, I mean, maybe if you're 18, but like, you know, it's, it doesn't,
00:53:01.340
it doesn't work that way, you know, as you get older. So we have to be mindful with how we're
00:53:05.600
spending our time, right? And are you doing something that's going to make you the best
00:53:09.540
version of yourself? And I stand firmly by the fact that like watching a lot of porn is not making
00:53:14.780
you that highest version of yourself. And I think, you know, the guys that listen to your podcast
00:53:18.320
because of what you talk about, they all are striving for that, right? It's like, how, what can I
00:53:22.480
do? What can I cut out so that I can continue to elevate and be the best man that I could be?
00:53:26.960
Um, and this sexual stuff is, is a, is a key driver for that because sexual energy drives us men.
00:53:33.260
That is how we make our decisions indirectly or directly, whether you want to admit it or not,
00:53:37.180
you make a lot of decisions from that part of your body. I was like, you know, be physically fit so
00:53:42.380
I can be, you know what I mean? And so if we acknowledge that it's like, okay, sexual energy
00:53:47.380
is driving us. It's the most important force we have. We can create life with this energy down here,
00:53:51.640
right? Well, what else can I do with that energy when I'm cultivating it and not dissipating it three
00:53:56.300
times a day to, to some movie, right? That's screwing up my brain, you know?
00:54:01.880
Yeah. I, I, I mean, I think we're on the same page and I've had enough other people on here to talk
00:54:06.420
about the dangers and destruction that come along with that. So I'm really glad we're hitting on that
00:54:10.660
because I think more people are becoming aware of it too. You know, we are kind of pushing up against
00:54:15.120
time a little bit. I do have a question I wanted to ask you because, and I think we maybe danced
00:54:19.840
around it a little bit, but we didn't address it specifically. Um, there's a lot of desires that men have,
00:54:25.140
and maybe it's for some of that kink, like we're talking about, whether it's, you know, light bondage
00:54:29.740
or role play or any number of things, right? That I think are completely appropriate and healthy in
00:54:35.400
the right context. Um, but they are afraid to bring it up. They're afraid to present it. They, they want
00:54:44.200
to try new things and do new things with their partner, but they just don't. And they end up being
00:54:50.200
just completely frustrated sexually and in other ways because they're unwilling or unable to express
00:54:55.360
themselves. So the thing that I have found in all of this and in life is authentic communication
00:55:06.340
and being able to find a way to express who you are as a man without shame or guilt or suppression or
00:55:12.860
repression. Right. And, you know, there's a lot of things that we as men need to work through
00:55:17.360
in order to get to a place where you can confidently and comfortably share and ask and inquire, like,
00:55:23.300
and say, Hey, here are the things that I desire. Right. When does a man ever, when does a woman ever ask
00:55:27.580
like, what is it that you desire? Right. And so really tapping into that as men saying, huh, what is it
00:55:34.420
that I want? What is it that turns me on? What is it that I might light up from that I haven't experienced
00:55:40.560
before? And so getting to the place where you've moved past some of that, you know, suppression,
00:55:45.520
repression, the trauma that you had growing up as a man. Right. And then moving into a place where I am
00:55:53.300
comfortable sharing, expressing who it is that I am because I'm comfortable with myself. I've invested
00:55:58.340
enough in myself and I'm confident enough in myself that rejection isn't going to take me away from who I am
00:56:04.020
because I'm authentic in this. I'm a man who loves X, Y, Z. I have a client of mine and he's a, he's a successful
00:56:09.980
business guy. And there's another part of him and he, you know, he's, he's into, he's into swinging and
00:56:15.580
he's into eroticism and he's into, um, all sorts of other things. And he was having a shift. He was
00:56:21.080
having a crisis internally. Cause he's like, how can I be this standup good guy? You know, everyone
00:56:25.940
looks up to in this way. And yet he had this religious thing that was keeping him from, Hey,
00:56:30.640
I actually really liked this part. I enjoy these sexual experiences, you know? And, and so it's about
00:56:36.800
a being comfortable with the fact like you have to own all of yourself. You have to own, you know,
00:56:41.840
the lust, the greed, the sexual deviance, because that's, that's what makes us human. You know,
00:56:46.000
it's okay because we're here and we're here, we have to be here for it. And if you can own that stuff
00:56:50.940
and then come from, again, a heart centered place where you're communicating, um, with someone like,
00:56:56.460
I actually really love this and I would love to try this. And is this okay with you? Right. And having
00:57:01.320
those conversations, I think earlier on in a partnership, as scary as that might sound can
00:57:09.180
be helpful because if you go five years without ever expressing your desires and your needs in a
00:57:14.440
sexual sense, that's going to be maybe even really much harder to then have that conversation. It's
00:57:20.100
like, Oh, by the way, I like this and this and this, you know, and the partners would be like, Whoa,
00:57:23.940
well, you never, you never mentioned this before. Like it would have been nice. Right. It would have
00:57:28.440
been nice if you had said like, Hey, by the way, so I think there's a fine line of, um, you know,
00:57:34.120
again, and you can make it a fun game, right? You know, ask chat GPT list 50, 50 kinks or ask Google,
00:57:40.740
like, what are 50 kinks? You put them on a piece of paper and you go through and you say, Oh, like,
00:57:44.660
this is a yes, no, maybe, or it's a green, red, yellow, right. Of like green means go yellow means
00:57:49.140
maybe. And the red means stop. And then having that conversation, you know, earlier on and also saying
00:57:54.840
like, Hey, sexuality is part of us. It's who we are. And we all have different desires and not
00:58:00.440
shaming the other partner or making them feel badly for what it is that they might like,
00:58:05.400
because that's, that's the key. Cause again, as you said, whatever kind of reaction you're going
00:58:09.900
to have is going to create the next reaction to that partner. So you just have to have an open mind,
00:58:14.560
but not be afraid to express who you are and then find a partner that's really into that. Right. And
00:58:20.800
that's, that's the case. You want to find someone who's actually in alignment. So you're not
00:58:23.680
with someone, but you're just like, and then you're going to seek it outside your partnership
00:58:26.740
because you haven't been able to express it to your partner. And that's not good either. You
00:58:30.020
know, you don't want that. So, um, it's all about men leveling up in our communication and ownership of
00:58:36.740
who we are and saying, Hey, it's okay. I'm going to own every aspect of me. And then putting that
00:58:43.040
energy out on the world. And then you're going to attract someone who is going to be open-minded for
00:58:47.440
that. Um, in its simplest terms, obviously a theory, it's a lot easier to say than in practice.
00:58:52.300
Yeah, of course, of course. Well, and I think that generally speaking, you know, most women,
00:58:59.180
you tell me if I'm wrong, but I, I believe that most women will probably be up for a lot of the
00:59:04.320
things that you're interested in. She's just waiting for you to initiate. She's not going to
00:59:09.260
bring it up. You have to bring it up. You have to lead. And she's willing to follow. She's willing
00:59:14.580
to do that with you because she loves you and cares about you, but you've got to be assertive.
00:59:18.440
That's what she wants out of you. Exactly. It's, it's the male container creating the
00:59:25.100
environment where it's safe to communicate and express your needs and desires. And the
00:59:30.240
woman will follow into that. Let's re I know you're on a time constraint, Jackson. So let's
00:59:36.200
wrap up right now. If you'll let the guys know where they can connect with you, that would be
00:59:40.680
great. Yes. Um, website is naturaljackson.com and my Instagram is get natural Jackson, same thing for
00:59:48.960
tick tock. And you can find my digital sex ed school called playbook on there on the links in
00:59:53.960
the bio. Um, thank you so much, Ryan, for having me. I really appreciate it. Awesome. Thank you,
00:59:57.920
brother. Much appreciated, man. There you go. Jackson Hightower. That was a unique one. A conversation
01:00:04.220
that really, I don't think in nine years I've really ever had. And I don't know if it's because
01:00:11.180
it's taboo or it's because something, it's something that men are some, for some reason
01:00:16.800
expected to know, but learning about sexual tension and desire and differences and distinctions
01:00:23.120
between men and women obviously is going to have a huge positive benefit in your life. So make sure
01:00:29.020
you connect with Jackson on the gram. He's very active. I like his short videos. Uh, they're very
01:00:34.060
instructional. They're very informative. And I think it'll help with you and your woman in the
01:00:39.080
bedroom and really just in your relationship in general. Uh, also make sure to check out our
01:00:44.240
sponsors and friends over at montananifecompany.com and use the code order of man when you do. And then
01:00:49.220
the last thing, again, we have that iron council preview call on Thursday, June 27th at 8 PM
01:00:54.680
Eastern. You can go to the iron council.com slash preview. So I hope, hope, hopefully we'll see you
01:01:01.460
there. Guys, you've got your marching orders as a parting word. Thank you again for banding with us.
01:01:07.980
Thank you for spreading this mission. If you would just go and leave your rating review, uh, take a
01:01:12.180
screenshot, share this episode with a friend, whatever you can do on this grassroots movement to reclaim
01:01:17.920
and restore masculinity. It is much appreciated and it's much needed in society. All right guys,
01:01:22.880
we'll be back tomorrow until then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.
01:01:28.840
Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life
01:01:33.440
and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.