Order of Man - JACKSON HIGHTOWER ｜ Understanding Sexual Dynamics Between Men and Women

00:00:00.000 The sexual dynamics between the sexes aren't something that we address as often as we should.

00:00:05.380 It's something that impacts men and women on a daily basis, but we're simply expected

00:00:10.460 as men to know how to speak to the opposite sex in terms of sexual attraction and intimacy.

00:00:16.640 This often leads to frustration in the bedroom and beyond.

00:00:20.440 My guest today is Jackson Hightower, and he is a sexual mastery expert who works closely

00:00:25.760 with men in building intimacy and sexual connection between man and woman.

00:00:32.040 Today we talk about what women find sexually attractive and irresistible, why men struggle

00:00:37.240 to communicate their sexual wants, needs, and desires, what is causing the increase in erectile

00:00:43.320 dysfunction and lowering testosterone rates, how a man can improve his performance under

00:00:48.400 the sheets, and learning to satisfy both your woman and have your own needs met.

00:00:53.880 You're a man of action.

00:00:56.140 You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.

00:01:00.520 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:01:04.980 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:01:10.040 This is your life.

00:01:11.120 This is who you are.

00:01:12.540 This is who you will become.

00:01:14.260 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:01:19.460 Gentlemen, welcome to the Order of Man podcast.

00:01:21.740 I am Ryan Michler.

00:01:22.660 I'm the host and the founder of this movement, and we have been going strong for nine years.

00:01:27.220 So first and foremost, I need to thank you for tuning in, for banding with us, for supporting

00:01:31.840 this movement and this mission to reclaim and restore masculinity.

00:01:35.920 You know as well as I do in this degenerate society that we need more righteous, noble,

00:01:41.260 capable, strong, old, assertive men, maybe, than we ever have.

00:01:46.180 And it will only get worse unless we're willing to step up.

00:01:49.160 And I have taken it upon myself to interview incredible men and get their insight and their

00:01:56.080 knowledge and their wisdom.

00:01:57.020 Guys like Jocko Willink and Ben Shapiro and Tim Kennedy and Tim Tebow and David Goggins

00:02:03.340 and any other man, really, who has something interesting, unique, and insightful to share with us.

00:02:10.200 So please make sure you subscribe if you haven't, and that way we can continue to spread the word

00:02:15.700 and get this mission, again, of reclaiming and restoring masculinity out to the masses.

00:02:20.440 Guys, I just want to introduce my show sponsor and, of course, my good friends over at Montana

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00:03:11.760 All right, guys, let me introduce you to my guest.

00:03:13.580 His name, again, is Jackson Hightower, and he is a sexual mastery expert.

00:03:17.020 He spent the last 15 years of his life really immersing himself in understanding the sexual

00:03:23.080 dynamics between men and women.

00:03:26.380 He's worked with some of the greatest teachers in the world and studies everything from Tantra

00:03:31.700 to Taoist practices and modern biohacking techniques, and he works with men all over

00:03:37.240 the world to improve their vitality, their confidence, their purpose.

00:03:40.940 He also helps them on their journey to physical, mental, and sexual well-being, and he offers

00:03:45.640 coaching courses and supplements for men to optimize their health, performance, and pleasure.

00:03:51.680 Enjoy this one, guys.

00:03:53.780 Jackson, what's up, brother?

00:03:54.860 Thanks for being on the podcast today.

00:03:56.240 I've got a lot of questions I want to talk with you about that I don't think I've really

00:04:00.020 addressed in over nine years of doing this now.

00:04:04.360 All right, let's get to it.

00:04:06.640 Okay, man.

00:04:07.540 Well, so the first question I have, because we're going to talk a lot about sexual mastery,

00:04:12.680 the differences between sexual desires and preferences between men and women, obviously

00:04:17.240 in broad generalities, right?

00:04:18.920 We can't get too much into specifics necessarily.

00:04:21.820 But I'm really curious if in your perspective, in your experience, does this tend to be something

00:04:27.240 that's difficult for men to talk about?

00:04:28.940 Because I don't think there's taboo necessarily, but I think us actually talking about improving

00:04:36.100 sexual performance in the bedroom isn't something that a lot of guys talk about other than just

00:04:40.040 some jokes here and there.

00:04:41.160 Correct.

00:04:43.280 Most of the stuff that I see is based off of our egos.

00:04:46.820 And men, we have healthy egos and we like to be good at whatever it is that we do.

00:04:51.660 And especially in this particular area, I find that the ego plays a big role.

00:04:57.700 And we're never taught this stuff as we're growing up.

00:05:01.500 We're never taught these skills.

00:05:02.560 If you go to be a doctor, you go to medical school.

00:05:04.480 If you go to be a lawyer, you're going to law school.

00:05:07.400 Um, this is an area where it's so important to our lives, sexual health and sexual wellness

00:05:11.900 and being able to be, um, you know, you know, consummate lovers is great.

00:05:15.800 We're never taught those skills growing up.

00:05:17.760 We, we watch a lot of corn.

00:05:19.100 Well, I watch a lot of porn, I should say.

00:05:21.000 And it teaches us all about the wrong things.

00:05:23.060 You're used to saying that because, because of Instagram, right?

00:05:26.160 Yeah. 0.84

00:05:27.280 On social media, I say porn.

00:05:29.040 So I'm kind of like, it's a different language.

00:05:30.880 I'll, I'll use porn over here.

00:05:32.360 Um, but, but, but when, but when it comes down to it, men are generally not comfortable sharing

00:05:40.000 this with other guys because of that ego and that machismo that we have a little bit.

00:05:43.980 And so it takes a guy who's a bit evolved, a bit conscious of saying, Hey, I may actually

00:05:48.180 not know exactly what I'm doing because I've never been taught.

00:05:50.780 And I've sort of been fumbling and learning along the way, hopefully getting some guidance,

00:05:54.340 but generally being taught a lot of the wrong things.

00:05:56.580 So it's a, it's a mix of ego and it's a mix of never being taught this stuff and just being

00:06:02.160 humble and saying, Hey, this is an area that I definitely like, I, I can learn more here.

00:06:06.480 I can, I can improve myself here.

00:06:08.500 And then finding other men who, um, who are also in that same, you know, uh, framework where

00:06:13.980 it's like, we can learn this stuff together.

00:06:15.840 And I think it takes a guy who, you know, gets out of that sort of, um, uh, you know, I

00:06:22.440 know everything type of a type of demeanor because in this area, they don't.

00:06:26.420 Most of the time.

00:06:27.360 Yeah.

00:06:27.560 Well, I, you know, in addition, I'm sure it's ego driven, like you said, but in addition

00:06:31.120 to that, I, I, I also wonder if it's because when it comes to sex, and again, I'm speaking

00:06:36.420 in generalities here, men probably view it more on the spectrum of transactional than

00:06:42.420 women do. 1.00

00:06:43.680 So a lot of guys are probably thinking in themselves, what's to learn, get in there, get it done,

00:06:48.380 get off, get her off and you're done. 0.99

00:06:50.120 Whereas women see it as more, again, generally speaking, a more bonding, emotional, not

00:06:56.120 transactional, but relational activity.

00:06:59.020 Yeah.

00:06:59.520 Yeah.

00:06:59.960 Um, men and women speak different languages.

00:07:02.700 Uh, and so when men go into the experience of, of, of sexual intimacy, usually they have

00:07:08.280 a goal in mind.

00:07:09.060 Um, and it may not even be to, to get her off.

00:07:12.200 It may just be like, Hey, I need to, to, to get off myself.

00:07:14.900 Um, but, but you're right.

00:07:17.820 You know, the way that women approach a lot of this stuff is emotional based. 1.00

00:07:21.520 Um, it's more feeling based.

00:07:23.160 It's more, I want trust.

00:07:24.360 I want security so that they can drop into a space where they feel really comfortable

00:07:27.480 and then can then be much more sexually, um, primed as you could, as you say, what I

00:07:32.560 think men fail to realize a lot is that we're made differently.

00:07:36.440 You know, women are like water, right? 1.00

00:07:38.080 They need to be, you know, they need to have that slow boil, right. 0.98

00:07:41.620 In that, in the art of foreplay and getting them up to a place where they actually, they

00:07:44.600 can actually be ready and primed men.

00:07:47.220 We, you know, fortunately or unfortunately, we don't need that, right?

00:07:50.260 We're like fire.

00:07:50.960 We're ready to go.

00:07:51.700 And we want to get to it really quickly.

00:07:53.360 And the thing that I find is that the amount of foreplay that, that men are aware that

00:08:00.320 they should be focusing on is significantly less than what women are really like, what 1.00

00:08:04.940 their bodies actually need, you know, 20, 25, 30 minutes of foreplay. 1.00

00:08:09.320 And that doesn't necessarily mean physical.

00:08:10.720 It can mean other things.

00:08:12.360 So women want to have an emotional experience where they can connect and have a felt sense 1.00

00:08:17.040 men, because of the way our bodies work, you know, we're the ones that are entering the 0.99

00:08:21.400 women, right? 1.00

00:08:22.380 Women are being entered by us. 1.00

00:08:23.620 And it's a very, it's, when you think about that, that's a really powerful, powerful frame

00:08:28.280 of reference, um, allowing someone to enter your body.

00:08:31.220 And so, you know, taking time, you know, is an important thing that I teach a lot of the

00:08:35.460 guys.

00:08:35.620 It's like, use all of the skills that you have, but don't just go right to the thing, you

00:08:40.240 know, and that's also the art of understanding men and women speak differently.

00:08:43.960 You know, the way that we communicate is different.

00:08:45.720 So you have to sort of come into that translation mode.

00:08:48.540 Um, and, uh, and that's, it can sometimes be difficult if you've never been taught it

00:08:52.840 before.

00:08:53.140 You talk about foreplay, not just being physical foreplay.

00:08:56.940 So what would be an example of that?

00:08:58.780 Is that, is that flirting?

00:09:00.740 Is that sexual tension throughout the day?

00:09:03.800 Maybe it's, you know, suggestive texts or comments.

00:09:07.780 What does, what does foreplay look like outside of physical intimacy?

00:09:11.720 All of the above.

00:09:12.800 You know, I, I tell guys like foreplay starts the moment that you're finished, right?

00:09:17.220 To the next experience.

00:09:18.300 And so it's communication, it's verbal, it's voice notes, it's text messages.

00:09:23.380 Um, and I encourage guys, you know, and obviously depending on the relationship dynamic, but

00:09:28.240 women, what men are direct and we're linear. 1.00

00:09:32.280 We like to go from a to B women are indirect. 1.00

00:09:37.240 They communicate indirectly.

00:09:38.960 They, they want to have foreplay that is indirect.

00:09:42.220 And so the way that you communicate with a woman via text or whatever it is, a lot of

00:09:46.860 guys sort of can be overt because if we're speaking to a guy or we're trying to get something

00:09:50.720 done in business, we're like a to B, that's the way we communicate with women. 1.00

00:09:53.900 It's actually like, it's, it's, it's not a to B it's, we want to, we want to sort of

00:09:58.740 skirt around the issue and, and, and use metaphors and use analogies and communicate in a way that

00:10:03.860 a woman is going to be much more properly, um, she's going to receive it a lot better. 1.00

00:10:09.080 So it's, it's verbal communication.

00:10:11.600 And then also I talked to guys about love languages.

00:10:13.840 If they don't know what love languages are, love languages are kind of like the way that

00:10:16.900 you, um, prefer to receive or give love.

00:10:20.000 And there's five of them.

00:10:21.580 Um, one is physical touch, which most men that's their love language is physical touch.

00:10:26.020 First, there's words of affirmation, which is communicating verbally with your partner

00:10:29.980 and letting them know how you feel about them.

00:10:32.080 There's, um, quality time, right?

00:10:33.920 Which is just spending time with a person, um, doing whatever it is that you may be doing

00:10:38.560 with each other.

00:10:39.260 Another one is acts of service where you're going out of your way to do certain things

00:10:42.620 around the house or, you know, um, you know, things that, you know, that they may need to

00:10:46.740 make their life easier.

00:10:48.340 Uh, and then there's, um, gifts, which is like, you know, giving someone, you know, a

00:10:52.520 present or whatever it may be.

00:10:53.500 It doesn't need to be big things, but it could be a little thing.

00:10:55.760 So what I tell guys is like, learn what your partner's love language is.

00:11:00.720 Right.

00:11:01.080 And if you can determine what that love and everyone has a bit of everything, but usually there's

00:11:05.180 two that are major that are, that are go above and beyond the rest.

00:11:08.980 So if you can figure out what that is and then utilize that love language, you know,

00:11:13.980 in the time that you're not being physically intimate with each other, that could be really

00:11:17.060 effective, um, at helping, you know, to, so that your partner knows and they're feeling

00:11:21.720 love the way that they want to feel the love because everybody's different.

00:11:25.260 You can't just do the same thing to everybody.

00:11:26.640 Right.

00:11:26.980 You have to have that contextual awareness.

00:11:29.540 So it's hard because there's a tremendous amount.

00:11:32.720 Good.

00:11:33.480 I was just going to say, that's a challenge because the way, for example, the way I receive

00:11:37.540 it, like you said, physical touch.

00:11:39.320 And for me, the secondary would be words of affirmation.

00:11:42.080 That's me personally.

00:11:43.720 So it's easy for me to assume that everybody else feels the same.

00:11:50.480 I do.

00:11:50.980 So when she's wanting to feel loved, I just give her physical touch and words of affirmation,

00:11:56.760 but it's quality time is my girlfriend's.

00:11:59.980 She's big into quality time, which is good.

00:12:01.940 I don't, it's not like I don't, I don't want to do that.

00:12:04.580 I do.

00:12:05.480 But if I know it, then I can cater my love language to what makes her feel comfortable

00:12:10.840 or loved or appreciated.

00:12:12.820 Exactly.

00:12:13.540 The big key here is that if you're in a partnership, you have to remember, or you're

00:12:19.940 being intimate with someone, you have to remember that you have to speak the way that they are

00:12:25.100 going to receive you best or act the way that they're going to receive you best.

00:12:29.720 And so it's not just like, well, if I want this, that I'm going to do this to this person.

00:12:33.520 That's often the exact wrong approach, especially when it comes to being with a woman, because

00:12:38.400 women operate differently. 1.00

00:12:39.540 They think differently.

00:12:40.200 They feel differently.

00:12:41.040 They communicate differently.

00:12:42.120 Um, and so it's getting into the mindset and sort of thinking like, okay, instead of saying

00:12:47.200 something that's very direct, right, I'll give you a great example, guys, you know, we're

00:12:51.360 visual, we're visual creatures, right?

00:12:53.080 So we love images of, of women, right?

00:12:55.340 They could be doing anything and a visual image is amazing.

00:12:58.640 Um, I get a lot of comments from when they're like, can you please tell the guys not to send 0.97

00:13:02.840 us dick pics, right? 0.86

00:13:04.680 Like they don't send us, they don't send us those, we don't like those, right? 0.99

00:13:09.020 But, but, but so if a guy's like, oh, if I like a visual image of a woman, then she's 0.99

00:13:14.120 going to like that image of me.

00:13:15.240 And the reality is it couldn't be further for the truth, right?

00:13:18.340 They don't want to see that.

00:13:19.680 That doesn't turn them on.

00:13:20.600 They're not visual creatures the way that same way men are.

00:13:22.760 So men need to get in the mindset of like, okay, how can I translate this experience, right?

00:13:27.580 How can I act, think, or behave a little bit differently and say, put my mind and put myself

00:13:32.420 in the, in the position of the woman and say, what is going to resonate best with her? 0.97

00:13:36.780 What is going to, what is going to get her to a place where she feels the most, you know,

00:13:41.320 uh, uh, safety and the most connection and the most, you know, emotional, um, uh, you know,

00:13:46.840 feelings towards me.

00:13:47.860 And so you kind of have to have to play it a little bit differently than I want to do this,

00:13:52.680 right? 0.99

00:13:52.960 Or like, I want to have sex with you. 0.96

00:13:54.100 It's like, well, what if we, what if we had a more indirect way of communicating that? 0.91

00:13:58.240 Cause that's going to resonate much more with her.

00:14:00.020 Um, just like the art of foreplay, you start with everything other than the direct penetration.

00:14:04.380 You do a lot of other things at the beginning.

00:14:06.460 It's all about the indirectness I find is, is the, is, is where a man can develop incredible

00:14:11.580 amounts of acuity and boil that water over time, right?

00:14:15.900 That's what you're doing with the woman and you're, and you're continually elevating her

00:14:19.200 and her arousal centers. 0.98

00:14:20.540 And you're doing that when you're not with each other during the week with all the different,

00:14:24.840 you know, facets of, of, uh, of non, non-physical foreplay.

00:14:29.020 Like, how do you, how do you get to the point where you are confident enough to experiment

00:14:36.200 with some of these things?

00:14:37.300 Because I think a lot of guys feel a level of risk associated with behaving in new ways.

00:14:42.620 You know, even if you're saying based on your experience, this is going to be much more

00:14:46.340 effective for you.

00:14:47.640 You're going to get what you want.

00:14:48.940 And also she's going to get what she wants.

00:14:51.300 Even though you might say that there's going to be a lot of hesitancy in a guy, maybe doing

00:14:57.300 something that's a little risky or being running into the scenario where maybe he gets shot down

00:15:02.620 and he tried something new.

00:15:03.980 So how do you get to the point of confidence to experiment and try some of these things

00:15:09.520 with your partner?

00:15:10.560 I think the first is, you know, rejection can be really helpful and it can be really

00:15:16.320 supportive.

00:15:16.940 And as men, we don't like to fail.

00:15:19.740 Um, I know one likes to fail, but it is such an incredibly important thing.

00:15:24.340 That's how I got started in all of this because I had a couple of experiences when I was in

00:15:27.500 college and I like flat out, I failed.

00:15:30.980 I was not, I was not competent in any aspect of the experience.

00:15:34.340 And I was told that, and there was really direct feedback.

00:15:36.520 And then that got me started on this journey.

00:15:38.440 But for what I tell guys is like, look, you have to start somewhere, right?

00:15:41.860 And you have to get to a place where you're like, Hey, if I try this, some of it may work,

00:15:45.900 some of it may not.

00:15:46.720 But the reality is you're moving towards a place where you're continually building a

00:15:50.900 better and better foundation.

00:15:52.840 So, you know, I would just say to, I would say to a guy who's in a partnership, you know,

00:15:56.820 you're already in your partnership, right?

00:15:58.500 Um, having a, a space where you can try things and you can feel comfortable with that.

00:16:03.160 You know, you should be confident enough to try something new with the partner.

00:16:06.560 Right.

00:16:06.940 And, and usually having those conversations outside of the bedroom dynamic where you're,

00:16:10.360 you're not in that physical intimacy space right away.

00:16:13.220 Um, and if you're not in a partnership and you're trying different things, you know,

00:16:17.420 and you're dating, if you're, if you're dating or if you're getting, you know, a couple of

00:16:20.880 people or whatever it is that you're doing, um, giving it a go, it's not going to, it's

00:16:24.940 not going to, it's not going to hurt you because you're going to learn, right?

00:16:26.780 You have to learn, right?

00:16:27.980 When you first start going to the gym, you don't know what you're doing, but you're giving

00:16:30.620 it a shot and you're, and you're testing things out and you see other people, how they're

00:16:33.740 doing things and you're reading things and, or whatever it may be.

00:16:36.460 So in, in this area, I say, try, fail, it's going to be okay.

00:16:42.000 And, and, and because, you know, at the end of the day, you're not going to get dumped

00:16:46.440 over, over one, you know, little thing, you know what I mean?

00:16:49.260 Um, but I, I believe that failure is actually key.

00:16:52.780 And I think that if men can get over that hump of acknowledging that, Hey, I don't know this

00:16:57.480 stuff and I want to learn, and I'm going to start with at ground zero, that you're going

00:17:02.020 to have to make some mistakes and making mistakes as part of the game.

00:17:05.860 Do, so this might be a weird way to ask this question and you can probably give me a better

00:17:10.020 way to frame it, but do men get quote unquote credit?

00:17:14.440 So to speak for experimenting and trying something new, even if she's not maybe totally feeling

00:17:20.860 it or totally into it, is there some sort of positive benefit that could come from that?

00:17:26.220 Absolutely.

00:17:26.840 You know, men, we lead and generally speaking, you know, as a man who's in his masculine and

00:17:33.480 rooted, um, a woman will follow that lead and be a part of his team. 1.00

00:17:37.440 And as long as the man is coming from a place of, um, no ego in a place of, uh, exploration,

00:17:45.860 open-mindedness, open-heartedness, I believe that a woman who's really into that man is going

00:17:51.460 to say, Hey, I see what you're doing.

00:17:53.700 They may not say it verbally, but they're going to get it.

00:17:55.480 And then they may come back with, here's an adjustment, right?

00:17:58.900 Cause they'll, they'll get it.

00:18:00.060 They'll say, okay, cool.

00:18:01.060 Let's try this together.

00:18:02.660 So, um, but it's a great, it's a great question.

00:18:05.160 Um, but if they're confident and they are, um, doing it in a way that isn't over overtly,

00:18:12.240 you know, sort of machismo and they come into a space where it's like, Hey, let's try and

00:18:16.320 be exploratory.

00:18:17.220 I believe that they, they, there is a level of credit, um, that would be given if the

00:18:21.960 woman is in the right frame of reference and frame of mind of how she feels about her 0.99

00:18:26.080 partner.

00:18:26.640 Well, and it's interesting too.

00:18:27.980 It seems like there's some sort of stigma around feedback in, in the sexual department,

00:18:33.220 you know, where, uh, a guy might be hesitant to give his woman some feedback on what he

00:18:38.260 likes or doesn't like and vice versa.

00:18:40.260 But I can only speak for myself.

00:18:43.160 I actually appreciate the feedback because I'd like it to be pleasurable for everybody.

00:18:47.500 Like, I don't want things to just be beneficial for me.

00:18:52.020 And I, I think most good men are like that and it would be the same.

00:18:56.360 And so I think if there's a woman listening, like you don't have to shy away from, like

00:19:01.360 we as men actually like it so we can do better and be better.

00:19:04.560 That's what we want to do.

00:19:06.200 Exactly.

00:19:06.800 Exactly.

00:19:07.540 The key is with all this stuff is communication and it's not always what is said, it's how

00:19:13.440 it's said.

00:19:14.220 So when I, I have a lot of female followers as well. 1.00

00:19:16.980 And so anyone who's following this female, I believe that, um, if a woman offers feedback

00:19:24.480 from a heart centered place in an effort to really, um, be like as a team, not sort of

00:19:30.880 accusatory or, you know, you did this or you did that.

00:19:33.980 And it's more like, Hey, I would love this if we did this together.

00:19:37.540 Right.

00:19:38.340 Men have a tremendous amount of value and self-worth that's tied to their sex, their sexual energy,

00:19:44.320 their sex centers, their sexual capabilities.

00:19:47.100 Um, and if a guy is open-minded enough to be able to receive the feedback and it comes

00:19:53.840 from a heart centered place from the woman as like, Hey, let's try this together.

00:19:57.760 Right.

00:19:58.400 And it's not like hitting sides.

00:20:00.480 Um, I think that's the key.

00:20:02.140 And, and if a woman can tap into the way that she is communicating to her partner and also

00:20:09.360 not necessarily doing it during the sexual experience or immediately after, right?

00:20:14.120 Like finding a separate space.

00:20:15.860 So you're out of that zone, right?

00:20:17.840 Where you guys are communicating about something together and saying, Hey, let's talk about

00:20:21.700 what we loved here.

00:20:22.680 Let's talk about like, wait, you know, like things that you would like more of, let's

00:20:26.340 talk about things that you would like less of, um, or, you know, how I can improve this

00:20:31.180 experience and creating that safe space, that safe container outside of the bedroom.

00:20:36.140 Right.

00:20:37.020 Uh, I think that could be really important, but it's the way that it's communicated.

00:20:40.460 It has to be, it has to be done with a tremendous amount of love because that area is the single 0.97

00:20:46.300 biggest trigger point for men is when it comes down to their sexual capacities, performance

00:20:51.100 and skills.

00:20:51.960 Yeah.

00:20:52.400 I like what you said about not being accusatory and, and, and just saying, Hey, let's try

00:20:56.340 together is something that stood out to me, you know?

00:20:58.940 And I, and I think sometimes between men and women, it's probably more so with men again,

00:21:03.480 because it's transactional.

00:21:04.680 It's not really always about together.

00:21:07.060 Again, a lot of guys are like, I just need to get off.

00:21:09.720 And that's kind of how they view this.

00:21:11.060 And it's objectification of women, which obviously isn't healthy for anybody. 0.97

00:21:15.440 But now you're talking about, Hey, we're, we're a team.

00:21:17.960 We're not, I'm not having this interaction separate than you.

00:21:21.420 We're having this interaction together.

00:21:23.080 So let's make sure it's mutually beneficial.

00:21:26.080 That, that thing is important is that, you know, if the, the more men can get away from

00:21:30.220 this sort of like, it's a transactional experience, right?

00:21:32.960 And it's actually more of just like an experience, right?

00:21:36.240 A pleasurable experience of exploration, right?

00:21:38.940 Where, you know, and again, this, this, this gets out of the sort of the typical frame of

00:21:44.320 reference of like, we're going to have sex, I'm going to get off. 0.67

00:21:46.400 And then, you know, we're going to go, I'm going to go off with my day or whatever it 0.99

00:21:49.080 may be.

00:21:49.800 If you can move it out of this transactional environment into a, Hey, this is a pleasurable

00:21:54.580 experience.

00:21:55.400 If I'm able to provide pleasure.

00:21:56.880 And I think as men, we want to be able to provide pleasure for our partner, right?

00:22:00.920 That, that's sort of like a nice ego stroke for us.

00:22:03.400 Hey, I know what I'm doing.

00:22:04.320 Hey, I, you know, she's going to be, um, I, I believe like a much more happy, like, you

00:22:09.020 know, loving connected partner if she's regularly, you know, being made love to in a way that

00:22:14.220 like gets her to orgasm regularly, right?

00:22:16.320 I talk about that a lot of like female orgasmic energy is, is potent and it infuses their system 1.00

00:22:22.840 and they become totally different women when a woman is skillfully made love to, you 1.00

00:22:27.900 know, quite regularly.

00:22:29.360 Um, and so as men, we, I, I believe in the sort of, this is what I share is like being

00:22:35.180 able to know what to do as a man is, is going to be helpful for us for our own ego.

00:22:40.780 Um, but yeah, the team thing is key.

00:22:43.720 Um, I find it over and over again where women ask me, like, how do I give feedback to my 0.89

00:22:48.120 partner?

00:22:48.440 I say, talk about something he did really well first, right?

00:22:51.660 It's like that, what is it?

00:22:52.520 They should say how much they're like, talk about something he did really well and maybe

00:22:55.900 talk about two things that he did really well and then say, Hey, and you know what?

00:23:00.020 It would be amazing.

00:23:00.880 I would love more of this next time we, we explore together.

00:23:04.000 Or if you want to try this, that would be amazing.

00:23:06.560 And then kind of go on that road where you're successfully, you know, you stroke his ego a little

00:23:10.700 bit because it's important and then you say, Hey, let's try this, right?

00:23:14.360 But it's, but it's this togetherness component, which is going to make or break the way that

00:23:19.120 that is communicated because otherwise the men tend to shut down and that's not good.

00:23:23.620 And then you get in your head and you get sort of all sorts of performance anxiety issues

00:23:27.140 and then you're thinking about it a lot and you're not enough and all the value and self-worth

00:23:30.760 things that come with, um, that the sexual, you know, areas in our lives.

00:23:35.300 How do you, so you're talking a lot about feedback and doing this together, but how does a

00:23:39.220 man solicit that feedback?

00:23:41.000 Let's say he's with a woman who maybe isn't as vocal or forthright about, you know, sexual

00:23:47.100 desires and intimacy.

00:23:48.780 How does a guy who wants to know, Hey, am I doing a good job in this department?

00:23:52.120 Begin to solicit some of that feedback from his partner.

00:23:54.760 I would say one is you create a space outside of the bedroom to talk about it.

00:23:58.720 Number two, the man needs to come because here's something interesting.

00:24:03.160 So a lot of times women don't like to give feedback to men because they are afraid they're

00:24:07.780 going to make them feel badly.

00:24:09.800 And so the man needs to come from a place and say, Hey, I would love to really understand

00:24:17.100 like how this experience is for you.

00:24:20.240 And I know that I may not be, you know, the good at all of this sort of stuff, but I really

00:24:25.480 have a genuine openness.

00:24:26.580 And I would love to hear from you where I can improve or where this experience can be

00:24:31.640 better for us.

00:24:32.380 And if a man comes from that super open place where they actually are truly open-minded to

00:24:37.380 hearing the feedback, then I believe that the woman will be primed in a place where she 1.00

00:24:42.520 can actually give that feedback without making him feel badly.

00:24:46.220 That is the key.

00:24:47.660 So if she really feels that you are there and you are present, you are ready for that feedback,

00:24:52.820 she will give it.

00:24:53.480 But if you don't preface that, a lot of times women will not give direct feedback because 1.00

00:25:00.180 they are afraid of hurting his feelings or making him shut down or things like that,

00:25:04.620 or him becoming really defensive.

00:25:07.040 So it's got to be, again, as a man, the container needs to be set up properly, right, for that

00:25:14.760 conversation to take place.

00:25:16.240 And we need to really own it as men and saying, Hey, we can get better at everything, right?

00:25:21.480 No one's like the ultimate in every field.

00:25:24.060 So this is an area where I know I can improve and I would love to create a better experience

00:25:27.640 for us together.

00:25:29.080 Well, I imagine also it's probably, you know, we've all heard the adage, you train people

00:25:35.680 how to treat you, right?

00:25:37.160 And so what you expect, what you tolerate, how you receive feedback is really going to

00:25:42.740 determine how somebody is going to treat you or respond in the future.

00:25:46.340 Whether we're talking about sexual intimacy with your wife or asking your kids how you're

00:25:52.560 doing as their father or getting feedback back at work or constructive criticism. 0.91

00:25:57.220 If you blow up, lose your mind, lose your cool, lose track of your emotions, shut down, like

00:26:04.220 you're saying, of course, she's never going to share anything with you again.

00:26:08.500 But if you handle critique and feedback with some humility and grace, then you're teaching

00:26:16.520 people that you're strong enough mentally and emotionally to receive feedback, to improve

00:26:22.160 everybody's life.

00:26:24.000 You said it exactly.

00:26:26.060 Exactly.

00:26:26.700 The humility and dropping the ego and saying, Hey, I'm coming into this space knowing that

00:26:32.000 I as a man want to improve in all aspects of my life.

00:26:34.780 And I'm ready to hear feedback from people that can give it to me and I'm open to that.

00:26:39.420 And by the way, feedback is, is one person's feedback, maybe one thing, but if you're getting

00:26:43.420 consistent feedback across the board from a variety of people, you know that you may need

00:26:46.720 to look into that, but it's, it's, it's key and offering it from a heart centered place

00:26:54.540 on both sides is, is very important where you actually really, really, really care about

00:26:59.940 the other person.

00:27:00.660 You're not just doing it to just to, to, to start something.

00:27:03.800 Do you get like you personally, do you get a lot of pushback because it, people think

00:27:10.080 you're, you're gaming the system or, or you're manipulating or like, what kind of feedback

00:27:15.360 do you personally receive when you talk about these things?

00:27:17.580 Cause I imagine there is some of that, although in talking with you, following you for some

00:27:22.620 amount of time, like I can see that it's not just about getting a dude laid.

00:27:26.800 Like you're actually, you actually care about men and you care about women, but I imagine

00:27:31.020 there's, there's a side of people who think something different of what the work that you

00:27:34.800 do.

00:27:35.440 Yeah.

00:27:35.980 It's, it's, it's interesting.

00:27:37.080 Um, I come from this from a very, very, very heart centric place.

00:27:42.440 And all of the information that I give is so that we can all have better sex in general.

00:27:46.560 Cause I think, you know, better sex is, it creates a better world, right? 0.97

00:27:50.580 Um, I think there's a tremendous amount of, um, you know, uh, angst and, and issues and

00:27:57.920 whatever it is that result from a lopsided orgasm ratio or things like that.

00:28:03.180 I come everything from a heart centered place.

00:28:05.040 So when I share with men, like these are things that you need to get into.

00:28:08.420 And, and so, yeah, you could say, oh, that guy's just doing this to like get the woman

00:28:12.780 to do a certain thing.

00:28:13.780 And I say, yeah, maybe that works like once or something, but the reality is you're not

00:28:19.420 being an integral human.

00:28:21.020 You're not being an integral man.

00:28:22.280 You're not being authentic to who you are.

00:28:23.960 Right.

00:28:24.300 So it's not like the, the pickup stuff, you know, the back in the day that the pickup

00:28:28.080 artist, I don't do any, that that's not something that I'm into at all.

00:28:31.800 Um, because the reality is, you know, that might work for a one night stand here and there,

00:28:36.560 but you're talking about really understanding how to connect with a woman.

00:28:40.880 And if you're not in a place where you want to take that on, that's not, that's a, that's

00:28:44.960 a journey that takes effort and work and time.

00:28:47.420 And so it expands outside of the realm of just the sexual experience.

00:28:52.240 So for me, um, you know, what, what I coach guys is like, you need to figure out who you

00:28:57.660 are as a man and what it is that you want.

00:29:00.080 And if you are just looking for a one night stand, quick things like that's go somewhere

00:29:05.120 else.

00:29:05.500 Right.

00:29:05.720 But if you actually want to understand a woman's body and understand what makes her tick and 0.81

00:29:09.560 understand like how she communicates, it's going to take a level of effort that's going

00:29:14.680 to weed out the people that are just like, Oh, like, you know, I'll just want to do this

00:29:18.820 once or something like that.

00:29:19.780 You know what I mean?

00:29:20.480 It's, it's an effort.

00:29:21.360 I've studied this stuff for like 15 plus years, you know, and I understand.

00:29:26.180 And every experience that I have, I come in from a place of like, um, genuine exploration

00:29:31.420 and joy and, and like, uh, and wanting to understand and connect and provide pleasure, but also have

00:29:38.340 an amazing experience together.

00:29:40.020 So, um, I think it's easy to weed out the guys that are like, Oh, uh, you know, I'll do these

00:29:45.320 things and then I'll get, but that's not what I share.

00:29:48.700 And it's not what it's about.

00:29:51.300 Man, let me step away from the conversation just for a minute.

00:29:53.760 As you may know, the iron council, that's our exclusive brotherhood is officially open

00:29:58.200 for registration. Uh, what you may not know is what exactly the iron council is and how

00:30:04.240 it can benefit you. Now, early this year, we made the decision to pull back the curtain

00:30:09.400 and do a preview call during our open window. This was extremely, extremely valuable for

00:30:14.900 men who were sitting on the fence. Uh, many of these guys knew they needed brotherhood

00:30:19.160 and camaraderie and accountability, but were skeptical to say the least that the iron council

00:30:25.240 could provide it. So if this is you, we've got you covered. We're going to be hosting

00:30:29.640 a preview call this Thursday, June 27th at 8 PM Eastern. Again, that's June 27th at 8 PM

00:30:37.440 Eastern. You're going to hear from some of the leaders and men making huge differences

00:30:43.300 and strides in their lives. And you'll be able to ask any questions that you may have

00:30:48.300 to see if the council is right for you. So if you want to join us again, that's June 27th

00:30:52.740 at 8 PM Eastern, head to the iron council.com slash preview, the iron council.com slash preview.

00:31:00.200 You can do that now. That way you'll be emailed and notified when we go live on Thursday, the

00:31:05.160 27th at 8 PM Eastern, the iron council.com slash preview. Now let's get back to it with Jackson.

00:31:13.280 In, in your experience with, with working all with all of your clients, what is, what is the

00:31:18.320 general feel or I don't know if it's health necessarily, or just where a man is mentally,

00:31:24.080 emotionally, spiritually in having multiple sexual partners at a time versus, uh, you know,

00:31:31.940 a single partner, whether it's long-term or a single partner at a time. Have you noticed

00:31:35.760 any trends there in how men feel about themselves, um, or their confidence levels or how they interact

00:31:42.100 with other aspects of their lives? I think, um, for the younger men, um, there's this sort

00:31:47.920 of, uh, energy of like wanting to connect with multiple people and learn, you know, the bodies

00:31:53.960 of, of, you know, learn how different women are and learn about different, you know, female anatomies 1.00

00:31:59.140 and things like that. And as men in like their thirties and forties, I'm finding who are, you know,

00:32:04.460 part of my customers who are DMing me, they're much more interested in like the, the single partner,

00:32:09.260 right. And really diving in and going deep with that partner. I think in general, it's difficult

00:32:14.000 to, um, you know, you only learn so much by having multiple partners, right? You learn much more by

00:32:19.420 having a partner, right? And then that they provide that mirror for you and then you can grow as a

00:32:23.860 human in, in a way that I find is, is, um, there's a cap almost if you're not, if you're consistently,

00:32:30.100 you know, moving from partner to partner. Um, but I think you can grow a tremendous amount,

00:32:36.980 um, in both areas. Right. And as younger men, we're trying to understand things, but it's also

00:32:42.280 about, it's being safe. It's being, you know, having those evolved conversations where it's

00:32:46.620 like, Hey, you know, we're dating and I'm, you know, also dating other people. I think that at

00:32:51.660 the end of the day, like women aren't necessarily geared like that. And so those relationships are 0.72

00:32:56.640 going to fall off the wayside, right. Where it's like, if a man's, you know, dating multiple

00:32:59.880 people at the same time. Um, and I encourage a man, like if you find a woman in a partner, 0.95

00:33:04.700 like you go deep, right. And you choose her and like, that's what you, that's what you

00:33:08.940 go for. And then you're going to explore and learn together because you have that safe

00:33:12.440 container where both of you feel trust and you feel comfortable. And then that enables

00:33:16.720 you to have much higher levels of sexual ecstasy when you have that trust, especially on the

00:33:21.700 female side, right. Because she, she, she's in that space of trust and surrender and there's

00:33:27.140 the emotional connection. Um, so that's, that's kind of what I, you know, share with men,

00:33:31.300 but there's a cap I would say on, on what you can experience just, you know, having multiple

00:33:36.160 partners and it's always best to, to achieve higher levels of sexual pleasure with, with

00:33:41.580 the person that you're in love with really. Yeah. I think for a lot of guys, just based

00:33:46.780 on, I don't know, cultural standards or norms or dogma that, you know, it's, you're going

00:33:51.280 to have higher levels of satisfaction with multiple partners, right. That we we've all heard

00:33:55.200 that because it's in a man's nature to, you know, go, go do his thing with multiple

00:33:59.740 partners. But I think, and that's what I wrote down here is I actually wrote down, as I was

00:34:04.580 thinking about this, the word trust and you said it, it seems like when you get to a position

00:34:08.980 of trust that you can have more real conversations, you can get into genuine feedback. You can

00:34:16.100 explore with each other a little bit more than you might be able to do. If you just met this

00:34:20.600 person, you know, not to mention all of the other ramifications of STDs and unwanted pregnancy

00:34:26.740 and all sorts of other things that come with being promiscuous.

00:34:30.020 Oh, so the, the, there are so many variables that you have to overcome when you have a new

00:34:35.320 partner, right? So like the learning of them, what makes them tick and that takes time, right?

00:34:39.860 Or it takes a level of mastery where you can learn it really quickly. But if you're, if

00:34:43.620 you're a guy and you have multiple partners and you have more sexual satisfaction, I don't

00:34:47.820 actually believe that you, you, if you're with one person, you start to really understand

00:34:53.180 what makes them tick. And that is a beautiful thing. And that takes, you know, time and

00:34:57.260 effort. And if you have multiple partners and you're doing that really quickly, you're

00:35:00.880 not going to get to that level because a, the female trust side isn't necessarily built 1.00

00:35:04.280 up and be your capacity to understand their body and what they want. It's just like, everything

00:35:10.040 is crunched. You know what I mean? So it doesn't, it doesn't work the same way. That's why if

00:35:13.780 you're with one person and you go deeper with them, the level of expansion and pleasure

00:35:17.180 increases.

00:35:17.900 What would you say to a guy who, you know, maybe they've been married for 10, 15, 20

00:35:22.580 years. Uh, they've been with the same woman since they were maybe high school sweethearts

00:35:26.600 or something like that. And they've got four kids and life and everything else. And the

00:35:31.020 guy, and maybe even his wife are feeling like, Hey, you know, things are a little stale in

00:35:35.280 the bedroom. Um, it does seem maybe transactional or they're, they're overly planning, you know,

00:35:42.040 their sexual, uh, dates and things like that. Like, what do you say to a guy like that?

00:35:46.880 He's like, man, I need something more. I don't want it outside of my marriage. I want

00:35:50.760 to hear in my marriage. Cause I love this woman, but what do I do to spice things up?

00:35:54.720 It's a great question. Um, and I have not been in that scenario, so I'm only giving advice

00:36:00.440 from the outside. Um, but, um, you know, number one is, yeah, I, what I would suggest is, you

00:36:09.320 know, a, um, you do need to make time for those experiences together, right? If you have kids

00:36:16.180 and you have jobs and you have this and that, like you, you might run into a situation where

00:36:19.280 you're never intimate with each other. Um, but in those scenarios, one is exploring things

00:36:25.700 that may be outside of the norm. You know, I, I believe that we as humans and aggregate

00:36:31.540 experience about 5% of ours, of, of the realm of like sexual pleasures and kinks and fetishes 0.95

00:36:37.660 and all that sort of stuff. Right. And so sometimes having those conversations where you open

00:36:42.240 up a gate and a portal into, Oh, what if we explored, you know, some sort of, uh, kink, 0.95

00:36:49.060 right? And kink isn't, it can be a variety of things. There's so many of them, right?

00:36:52.940 Where we have an open conversation and say, Hey, would it be interesting to you to explore,

00:36:56.500 you know, this, this, this, and you go through a list of questions and it's yes, no, maybe

00:37:00.400 yes, no, maybe, you know, where the other partner sits and then trying to bring some of

00:37:04.320 that stuff into the relationship could be really interesting and cool. I believe that setting

00:37:08.260 aside time where there are no other distractions and you can just be connected with each other

00:37:12.400 is actually important, especially if you have a busy life. Um, I found that a lot of people

00:37:16.600 that I know who have sexual, have great sexual experiences and they've been together for five

00:37:21.440 plus years, they make time for it, right? They have date night where like, there's nothing

00:37:25.200 else going on. They have no kids and they have, you know, everything is, is set up for them

00:37:29.480 to enjoy. And I would also say creating novel experiences, you know, going on a staycation

00:37:35.220 in a hotel in town, right? Where like they have, they're in a different place, right? You're

00:37:39.400 changing the frame of like where you are. You're not just in your bedroom at your house where your

00:37:42.920 kids are. And, you know, especially for the woman, she can get out of mom mode, right? And the 0.98

00:37:47.300 dad can get up dad mode and they're in an environment that is not in their house. Um, can that can be,

00:37:52.300 you know, sometimes enjoyable because it creates a different, you know, atmosphere, um, you know,

00:37:57.360 and, and consistently understanding again, what is that partner's love language hitting on those

00:38:02.140 things regularly? Maybe it's even like having a, an email address that's different from all the

00:38:07.000 other email addresses that you have, or having a different number that you text or a WhatsApp

00:38:10.780 versus an iMessage. And the, what the WhatsApp communication line is only for like, um, you

00:38:16.580 know, flirting and, and sexy conversations, right? And then you go to the iMessage and then it's sort

00:38:21.840 of the logistical day-to-day type stuff that you're doing as a partnership, right? Cause it's a

00:38:25.480 business, right? You're, you're with your, your partner, but finding a channel, this is where we only do

00:38:31.260 this. I was going to say, and you also don't want your kids picking up the iPad and seeing some of

00:38:37.320 those messages that are intended for your wife's eyes. Exactly. Exactly. But, you know, creating

00:38:45.040 those avenues where it's like, this is our play connection together, right? Whether it's a phone

00:38:50.380 number or an email or whatever it may be. And so you have to, because it takes work, you know what I

00:38:55.640 mean? It does, it takes work, it takes effort. And, and, you know, as a mom, you know, you may be

00:38:59.940 stressed out and you're managing your children and you may not be working out enough and you may

00:39:03.300 have weight gain. There's all these things that happen with partners, right? And there's complacency.

00:39:07.220 And I think that the key to having a thriving sex life as you get older is that a, you like

00:39:12.280 maintain a level of physical fitness. You stay connected with your own sexual energy. Um, you

00:39:17.240 create time and space for those experiences together. Um, and you, and you, uh, but you have to work at it.

00:39:22.600 It's just like everything else, right? You go to the gym and you work on your body and you have to

00:39:25.840 work on the relationship dynamic, especially in that sexual aspect together. Um, you know,

00:39:31.260 and so it takes time and commitment and effort. You, you talked about, uh, well, you're talking a

00:39:35.400 little bit about time right now, but you also talked about making time, carving out time. And

00:39:39.520 I mean, spontaneity I think is important, but also making sure when you do have busy schedules that

00:39:44.200 there is designated time for you guys to be intimate. I have a question that a lot of guys ask,

00:39:50.000 and I know this because of our Facebook group. This is something that often gets, gets brought

00:39:53.800 up guys, compare how often they're having sex. Like, Hey, you know, I get it once a week or

00:39:59.800 another guy's like, I get it two times and other guys, like I get it three times and other guys

00:40:03.320 like, man, three times, like I'd be in heaven if I had it three times a week. So is there a number

00:40:08.780 like it, is it all just subjective or is there something that guys should shoot for? Or is it just

00:40:15.980 whatever, however, how often you want it with your partner? There is no right answer. Um, what I say is,

00:40:22.840 you know, it depends on your age, twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, right? Um, generally

00:40:27.420 speaking, you're going to want more of it in your twenties. And then that's sort of like goes down

00:40:31.460 a little bit. Um, not to say that you shouldn't be having plenty of sex in your forties and fifties,

00:40:35.760 but your drive may not be as high as it was when then, um, you know, we hear this thing like,

00:40:41.680 Oh, like if you want to have a terrible sex life, get married. Right. Like, I don't, I don't really

00:40:45.960 believe that's true. I think that, you know, if you focus on this as an important part of your

00:40:50.080 relationship together, you can have plenty of sex in your forties, fifties, when you've been

00:40:54.080 married for a long time. What I do talk about is the amount of times that a man is actually like

00:41:00.620 releasing. And so that can shift and change, right? As the guys get older from twenties,

00:41:06.100 thirties, forties, fifties, that in terms of like what I've studied in Taoist tradition,

00:41:10.200 it's that, that life force energy that you have should be cultivated and it shouldn't necessarily

00:41:15.480 be released as often. So you'll find as a natural, you know, course, if a guy's in his forties and

00:41:21.340 fifties, he may not want to have sex four times a week, right? He may want to have sex twice a week

00:41:25.640 and that feels good for him. Um, it also depends on where the guy's at, you know, like if he wants

00:41:31.380 more kids, if he doesn't want more kids, if he's taking, you know, things that are going to increase

00:41:35.000 his sex drive, like a lot of guys in their forties and fifties start taking TRT and, you know,

00:41:38.960 hormone replacement therapy and stuff like that. Um, that's going to make their drive higher. 0.97

00:41:42.660 And so they're going to want it more, but there may be a disconnect with their female partner.

00:41:47.100 She may be going through early menopause or something like that. Um, and she may not be as,

00:41:51.440 as, as turned on. So, you know, understanding where your partner is at as well as is key. And

00:41:57.020 the more as men that we can pay attention to the, the, the, our female partner, right.

00:42:02.060 Understanding where they're at on their cycle, you know, you might have more sex when she's ovulating, 0.97

00:42:06.120 right. Because she may be primed and ready, right. And they may be quicker, more fun,

00:42:09.820 more spontaneous, um, as opposed to other parts of her cycle where, you know, it may be less

00:42:14.080 frequent. So as guys, I think we need to pay more attention to where our women are at on their cycle, 0.62

00:42:21.600 their emotions, their hormones, et cetera, so that we can optimize for how we can also get what we

00:42:26.980 want from the experience too, you know? So it's not just like, Oh, I wanted this, like figure out how

00:42:31.720 to connect with her. What turns her on? Like, you know, are you physically touching your partner

00:42:34.940 regularly? You know, what is, what are you doing in those times where you're consistently,

00:42:39.100 um, the art of foreplay, you're consistently, you know, uh, lubricating that, the engine almost,

00:42:44.200 right. Um, so that you can have more sex if you want it, you know, I think we're naturally kind of 0.97

00:42:50.860 going into this conversation, which is one thing I wanted to bring up and that it's the, 0.97

00:42:54.880 it's the topic of masturbation, you know, and, and cause you're talking about release and she might 0.99

00:43:00.460 not be on the same page as often as you. What is, what is your take on masturbation? Is that, 0.53

00:43:05.640 is, do you think generally it's better not to, and just be completely intimate with your spouse?

00:43:10.320 Do you think that's a healthy practice for men outside of the bedroom? What's your take on it?

00:43:15.900 Yeah. So a couple, couple things, you know, one masturbation is totally normal and it's totally

00:43:21.700 healthy. Um, I didn't grow up in a religious household. Uh, so, so I know maybe some of your viewers,

00:43:27.820 maybe they're Christian or they're Catholic and there's this sort of stigma around masturbation. 0.92

00:43:31.160 I just don't agree with it. So I think it's totally fine. Um, what's important is the frequency 0.83

00:43:36.900 as you get older. Um, and also what are you masturbating to? Um, that I think is, is, 0.96

00:43:45.400 is the real crux of the issue. And we talk about porn a lot and I truly believe that porn is the worst 0.69

00:43:50.020 thing that has ever happened to men for a variety of reasons. Number one, it teaches you all the wrong

00:43:54.100 moves. Number two, it creates tremendous amounts of sexual dysfunction. 0.99

00:43:57.240 And this has all been proven and it's all in science, ED, performance, anxiety, premature

00:44:01.260 ejaculation, et cetera. It's like a drug. So with, with a man who is, um, not in a partnership,

00:44:07.640 um, who may not have access to, you know, women or dating or sexual experiences, um, that man may 0.70

00:44:14.340 be more inclined to masturbate, you know, more regularly. And I always just say like, you know,

00:44:19.480 if my whole thing is like, is no, is no porn. I just don't think it's helpful at all. And some

00:44:24.540 people are like, Oh, well, you know, what about every now and then? Sure. But I don't think you

00:44:28.960 need it. You know, um, if you're in a partnership and you are finding yourself masturbating more 0.99

00:44:35.320 often than you want, you're not going to have as much energy and that drive and that will to then

00:44:39.680 be, be more sexually, you know, um, intimate with your partner. And so, um, a personal story when I

00:44:46.060 like was like 27, 28 years old, I was in a relationship and I saw myself watching more and

00:44:50.980 more porn and I was masturbating to porn and then I wouldn't have the energy or the drive or like

00:44:55.660 the real desire to be intimate with my partner. And I saw that and I, you know, I was just sort 0.97

00:45:00.080 of like super aware of it. I was like, this doesn't seem right. And then I ended up stopping

00:45:04.360 watching porn. Um, I know I still, you know, masturbate every now and then, but not all that 0.94

00:45:09.420 regularly, but I don't watch porn. I'm not using that stuff to sort of fuel that, but masturbation is 0.97

00:45:14.980 okay. The frequency of it needs to be monitored. Um, and as you get older, it should be less and less

00:45:20.500 and less, especially as you release. Right. So I talk a lot about edging or like semen retention

00:45:25.300 and it's just a practice where you are not releasing as often as you are masturbating. 0.91

00:45:31.700 Right. So it's, you know, maybe 60% of the time or 50% of the time or 70% of the time. Um,

00:45:37.940 and I do that because I noticed personally that when I release, and I know a lot of men do,

00:45:43.000 you get into the sort of the sleepy puppy, you get prolactin release in your body. Of course,

00:45:46.620 you become a little bit lethargic, a little bit tired. Like you don't have that drive,

00:45:50.000 that gusto. So when you don't release, and if you think about that, that's why fighters don't

00:45:54.620 release, you know, to a couple of like the week before the fight, cause they want all that juice.

00:45:58.080 They want all that, you know, that energy inside them. So, um, I would say if you're having sex

00:46:04.000 regularly with your partner, you definitely don't need to masturbate. Um, if you're not having sex 0.97

00:46:07.900 regularly with someone, um, you'll do it. But on a frequency that is, you know, based off of your age

00:46:12.720 and your level of health, um, younger guys obviously can afford to do it more. And as you get older,

00:46:17.580 it's sort of less and less. And I have some of this stuff, I have like a guide actually of like,

00:46:21.620 you know, a protocol of how often, um, you, you should release based off of your age and your

00:46:26.960 level of health. Um, that could be helpful, um, to look at. But, um, you know, I've got guys who

00:46:32.200 are in their sixties who are masturbating to porn three times a day. And I'm like, 0.98

00:46:35.140 I just don't, I don't see the benefit of that. I don't think that that's super healthy for,

00:46:40.320 you know, for a variety of reasons. And, and, and, and, and almost seems like it would be

00:46:44.020 addictive at that point. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's that level of addiction. It's that obsessive,

00:46:51.360 not of obsessiveness. It's all of that. Yeah. Yeah. And, and the, the, the biggest thing that

00:46:56.880 I find with my DMS, I get thousands of DMS a week is men at all of all ages, 15 to 70, um, are

00:47:07.000 addicted to porn and it's causing a tremendous amount of dysfunction in our lives. And it's making us

00:47:13.300 not as vital men, not as, um, competent men, not as sort of like a highest, our highest level of,

00:47:20.080 of being a man where it's hard to do when you're addicted to watching porn. Um, cause you're wasting

00:47:24.880 your time, you're wasting your life force. You're not probably doing some of the things that you

00:47:28.700 should be doing to elevate your life. So that's the biggest thing that I see. And it's sad. I've got

00:47:32.800 guys in their twenties who have ED like that never used to happen. Yeah. I mean, that's the crazy

00:47:37.340 thing. Yeah. Well, that, and then dwindling, dwindling testosterone rates. And I mean, this,

00:47:41.960 this stuff is all, is all a problem. And I think a lot of it can be traced back to sexual dysfunction

00:47:46.640 with, uh, with pornography. You know, you said guys are learning all the wrong moves,

00:47:52.080 which I think a lot of men will hear that and think that's a little counterintuitive because

00:47:56.080 they'll say, this is where they learn how to do it best, right? They learn all these techniques or

00:48:01.200 tips or whatever it might be. But you're saying, no, they're learning the wrong things. So help me

00:48:06.940 understand the difference. Porn is a movie. It's not a real sexual experience and they film it over

00:48:14.100 a number of hours over a course of a day or two days. Right. Um, and so just, just like, um,

00:48:21.060 anything is to take that in mind, you can learn some of the moves like of what they're doing. But

00:48:28.040 what I always find when I talk to women, women can tell when a man watches porn by the way that they make 1.00

00:48:34.680 love. And the vast majority of women don't like having sex like they do in porn, right? It's too 1.00

00:48:41.720 hard. It's too fast. There's no enough foreplay. Um, and sure you can learn some things, but the 0.83

00:48:48.920 speed at which it's happening and the visceral video nature of the video, right. And how fast

00:48:54.680 and hard it goes, um, is something that trains guys in a, in a very negative way. And it creates

00:49:00.560 neuroplasticity changes in their brain. What that means is the brain is actually changing the way

00:49:06.220 that it is perceiving this information. And it's creating an experience inside where it says, okay,

00:49:11.100 this is what sex is supposed to be like. And so when a guy who watches a lot of porn goes and has sex 0.99

00:49:15.720 with their partner, it's too fast. It's too rough. There's not enough attention paid on the female 1.00

00:49:19.840 because they're not realizing that that's not actually real, right? It's just a movie. It's just like,

00:49:24.400 it's a, it's a, not an actual experience. So, um, sure you can use, you know, the, a move or this

00:49:31.920 or that, but it becomes performative, right? Women can feel that when you're not actually present and 1.00

00:49:37.240 connected in the experience and listening to her body and understanding what she's saying to you

00:49:42.600 verbally and non-verbally, right? If you're just sort of like, oh, I'm going to do this move and I'm

00:49:46.120 going to do that move. That's not what women want. Women don't want that. They want you to be 1.00

00:49:50.840 connected with them, right? And then go slow because again, that the water boiling thing

00:49:56.460 and have the experience of foreplay and revving the engine up to the point. And then obviously

00:50:01.700 like there's points where you can have harder and faster sex, right? But that's not the beginning.

00:50:06.020 That's like, that's well into the experience, right? And most men can't even get, can't even

00:50:10.080 get there because they have premature ejaculation, right? Because they're watching porn and they have

00:50:14.320 sexual dysfunction. So I would say that, you know, um, porn is going to create a tremendous 0.98

00:50:20.500 amount of negative ramifications for men also in the self-worth issue. Like, right, like you're

00:50:24.920 watching guys that have been selected because they're hung like a horse and they can come all

00:50:29.320 day and whatever, all the stuff that they're doing. And then a guy's like, the guy's like, oh,

00:50:33.020 I'm not enough. I don't have, I don't look like that. And I can't do that. And so they have

00:50:39.740 performance anxiety because they get into the experience with a partner and they're like, they're

00:50:43.380 trying to do all this stuff and they can't. And it just creates a lot of, it's like this negative,

00:50:47.700 vicious cycle of, of negative programming. So, um, I just, I really encourage guys, um, to, to,

00:50:55.900 to not watch that because it's not helping anybody, you know, it's really not, but you

00:51:02.140 talked about something else interesting. I'll touch on this. So I was just going to say it. It's,

00:51:06.580 it's always interesting to me to see guys just fight tooth and nail for their pornography,

00:51:11.140 you know, and they'll make up all sorts of weird justifications and excuses. And to me,

00:51:16.880 I'm, I'm thinking to myself, like, what is the positive? Like, what is the net positive? If you

00:51:21.640 can explain a net positive, then, okay, let's discuss it. But I, I can't think of one. Like,

00:51:27.920 I can't think of one. It's like, oh, this makes me better in this way. It just doesn't seem like it

00:51:33.100 exists. It, it, it really doesn't. And I think someone who would try to fight for something is

00:51:39.480 really just not, um, acknowledging like the, the, the shadow part of them, right. Of like what they

00:51:45.380 really need to work on. Um, you know, the porn makers, they know exactly what they're doing.

00:51:50.140 They know that they have to keep increasing the level of intensity of the, of the videos

00:51:54.800 because you need that novelty for that dopamine hit to go up. That's what, that's what they have

00:51:59.180 to keep hitting that, that dopamine rush. So, um, yeah, it's, it's not a good, but there's something

00:52:04.800 else you talked about before was like the dropping tea and the dropping sperm counts and then the

00:52:08.620 addiction to porn and, you know, men we're facing a really interesting time right now,

00:52:14.680 right? We're in this battle for our, our testosterone. We're in a battle for our sperm

00:52:19.480 health. We're in a battle for our time, like not watching porn. We're in a battle, you know, 0.92

00:52:23.320 this high cold concept of hypergamy, right? Which is like, we need to elevate ourselves as men so that

00:52:27.600 we can be an attractive mate for a female partner, right? Of like making ourselves the best that we 0.98

00:52:32.640 can be financially, you know, uh, uh, emotionally, um, physically. And so the, the porn piece is a

00:52:40.540 huge part of it, right? Cause it saps our energy. It saps our libido. It saps our drive. And we start,

00:52:46.400 you know, not going out into the world and trying to find a partner because we're satiated. We've,

00:52:50.580 you know, jerked off three times at home. Like, are you going to go out and have energy to go try to 0.92

00:52:55.500 find a partner? Like, I mean, maybe if you're 18, but like, you know, it's, it doesn't,

00:53:01.340 it doesn't work that way, you know, as you get older. So we have to be mindful with how we're

00:53:05.600 spending our time, right? And are you doing something that's going to make you the best

00:53:09.540 version of yourself? And I stand firmly by the fact that like watching a lot of porn is not making

00:53:14.780 you that highest version of yourself. And I think, you know, the guys that listen to your podcast

00:53:18.320 because of what you talk about, they all are striving for that, right? It's like, how, what can I

00:53:22.480 do? What can I cut out so that I can continue to elevate and be the best man that I could be?

00:53:26.960 Um, and this sexual stuff is, is a, is a key driver for that because sexual energy drives us men.

00:53:33.260 That is how we make our decisions indirectly or directly, whether you want to admit it or not,

00:53:37.180 you make a lot of decisions from that part of your body. I was like, you know, be physically fit so

00:53:42.380 I can be, you know what I mean? And so if we acknowledge that it's like, okay, sexual energy

00:53:47.380 is driving us. It's the most important force we have. We can create life with this energy down here,

00:53:51.640 right? Well, what else can I do with that energy when I'm cultivating it and not dissipating it three

00:53:56.300 times a day to, to some movie, right? That's screwing up my brain, you know?

00:54:01.880 Yeah. I, I, I mean, I think we're on the same page and I've had enough other people on here to talk

00:54:06.420 about the dangers and destruction that come along with that. So I'm really glad we're hitting on that

00:54:10.660 because I think more people are becoming aware of it too. You know, we are kind of pushing up against

00:54:15.120 time a little bit. I do have a question I wanted to ask you because, and I think we maybe danced

00:54:19.840 around it a little bit, but we didn't address it specifically. Um, there's a lot of desires that men have,

00:54:25.140 and maybe it's for some of that kink, like we're talking about, whether it's, you know, light bondage

00:54:29.740 or role play or any number of things, right? That I think are completely appropriate and healthy in

00:54:35.400 the right context. Um, but they are afraid to bring it up. They're afraid to present it. They, they want

00:54:44.200 to try new things and do new things with their partner, but they just don't. And they end up being

00:54:50.200 just completely frustrated sexually and in other ways because they're unwilling or unable to express

00:54:55.360 themselves. So the thing that I have found in all of this and in life is authentic communication

00:55:06.340 and being able to find a way to express who you are as a man without shame or guilt or suppression or

00:55:12.860 repression. Right. And, you know, there's a lot of things that we as men need to work through

00:55:17.360 in order to get to a place where you can confidently and comfortably share and ask and inquire, like,

00:55:23.300 and say, Hey, here are the things that I desire. Right. When does a man ever, when does a woman ever ask 1.00

00:55:27.580 like, what is it that you desire? Right. And so really tapping into that as men saying, huh, what is it

00:55:34.420 that I want? What is it that turns me on? What is it that I might light up from that I haven't experienced

00:55:40.560 before? And so getting to the place where you've moved past some of that, you know, suppression,

00:55:45.520 repression, the trauma that you had growing up as a man. Right. And then moving into a place where I am

00:55:53.300 comfortable sharing, expressing who it is that I am because I'm comfortable with myself. I've invested

00:55:58.340 enough in myself and I'm confident enough in myself that rejection isn't going to take me away from who I am

00:56:04.020 because I'm authentic in this. I'm a man who loves X, Y, Z. I have a client of mine and he's a, he's a successful

00:56:09.980 business guy. And there's another part of him and he, you know, he's, he's into, he's into swinging and

00:56:15.580 he's into eroticism and he's into, um, all sorts of other things. And he was having a shift. He was

00:56:21.080 having a crisis internally. Cause he's like, how can I be this standup good guy? You know, everyone

00:56:25.940 looks up to in this way. And yet he had this religious thing that was keeping him from, Hey,

00:56:30.640 I actually really liked this part. I enjoy these sexual experiences, you know? And, and so it's about 0.94

00:56:36.800 a being comfortable with the fact like you have to own all of yourself. You have to own, you know,

00:56:41.840 the lust, the greed, the sexual deviance, because that's, that's what makes us human. You know,

00:56:46.000 it's okay because we're here and we're here, we have to be here for it. And if you can own that stuff

00:56:50.940 and then come from, again, a heart centered place where you're communicating, um, with someone like,

00:56:56.460 I actually really love this and I would love to try this. And is this okay with you? Right. And having

00:57:01.320 those conversations, I think earlier on in a partnership, as scary as that might sound can

00:57:09.180 be helpful because if you go five years without ever expressing your desires and your needs in a

00:57:14.440 sexual sense, that's going to be maybe even really much harder to then have that conversation. It's

00:57:20.100 like, Oh, by the way, I like this and this and this, you know, and the partners would be like, Whoa,

00:57:23.940 well, you never, you never mentioned this before. Like it would have been nice. Right. It would have

00:57:28.440 been nice if you had said like, Hey, by the way, so I think there's a fine line of, um, you know,

00:57:34.120 again, and you can make it a fun game, right? You know, ask chat GPT list 50, 50 kinks or ask Google,

00:57:40.740 like, what are 50 kinks? You put them on a piece of paper and you go through and you say, Oh, like, 1.00

00:57:44.660 this is a yes, no, maybe, or it's a green, red, yellow, right. Of like green means go yellow means

00:57:49.140 maybe. And the red means stop. And then having that conversation, you know, earlier on and also saying

00:57:54.840 like, Hey, sexuality is part of us. It's who we are. And we all have different desires and not

00:58:00.440 shaming the other partner or making them feel badly for what it is that they might like,

00:58:05.400 because that's, that's the key. Cause again, as you said, whatever kind of reaction you're going

00:58:09.900 to have is going to create the next reaction to that partner. So you just have to have an open mind,

00:58:14.560 but not be afraid to express who you are and then find a partner that's really into that. Right. And

00:58:20.800 that's, that's the case. You want to find someone who's actually in alignment. So you're not

00:58:23.680 with someone, but you're just like, and then you're going to seek it outside your partnership

00:58:26.740 because you haven't been able to express it to your partner. And that's not good either. You

00:58:30.020 know, you don't want that. So, um, it's all about men leveling up in our communication and ownership of

00:58:36.740 who we are and saying, Hey, it's okay. I'm going to own every aspect of me. And then putting that

00:58:43.040 energy out on the world. And then you're going to attract someone who is going to be open-minded for

00:58:47.440 that. Um, in its simplest terms, obviously a theory, it's a lot easier to say than in practice.

00:58:52.300 Yeah, of course, of course. Well, and I think that generally speaking, you know, most women, 1.00

00:58:59.180 you tell me if I'm wrong, but I, I believe that most women will probably be up for a lot of the 0.96

00:59:04.320 things that you're interested in. She's just waiting for you to initiate. She's not going to

00:59:09.260 bring it up. You have to bring it up. You have to lead. And she's willing to follow. She's willing

00:59:14.580 to do that with you because she loves you and cares about you, but you've got to be assertive.

00:59:18.440 That's what she wants out of you. Exactly. It's, it's the male container creating the 0.99

00:59:25.100 environment where it's safe to communicate and express your needs and desires. And the

00:59:30.240 woman will follow into that. Let's re I know you're on a time constraint, Jackson. So let's

00:59:36.200 wrap up right now. If you'll let the guys know where they can connect with you, that would be

00:59:40.680 great. Yes. Um, website is naturaljackson.com and my Instagram is get natural Jackson, same thing for

00:59:48.960 tick tock. And you can find my digital sex ed school called playbook on there on the links in

00:59:53.960 the bio. Um, thank you so much, Ryan, for having me. I really appreciate it. Awesome. Thank you,

00:59:57.920 brother. Much appreciated, man. There you go. Jackson Hightower. That was a unique one. A conversation

01:00:04.220 that really, I don't think in nine years I've really ever had. And I don't know if it's because

01:00:11.180 it's taboo or it's because something, it's something that men are some, for some reason

01:00:16.800 expected to know, but learning about sexual tension and desire and differences and distinctions

01:00:23.120 between men and women obviously is going to have a huge positive benefit in your life. So make sure

01:00:29.020 you connect with Jackson on the gram. He's very active. I like his short videos. Uh, they're very

01:00:34.060 instructional. They're very informative. And I think it'll help with you and your woman in the 0.99

01:00:39.080 bedroom and really just in your relationship in general. Uh, also make sure to check out our

01:00:44.240 sponsors and friends over at montananifecompany.com and use the code order of man when you do. And then

01:00:49.220 the last thing, again, we have that iron council preview call on Thursday, June 27th at 8 PM

01:00:54.680 Eastern. You can go to the iron council.com slash preview. So I hope, hope, hopefully we'll see you

01:01:01.460 there. Guys, you've got your marching orders as a parting word. Thank you again for banding with us.

01:01:07.980 Thank you for spreading this mission. If you would just go and leave your rating review, uh, take a

01:01:12.180 screenshot, share this episode with a friend, whatever you can do on this grassroots movement to reclaim

01:01:17.920 and restore masculinity. It is much appreciated and it's much needed in society. All right guys,

01:01:22.880 we'll be back tomorrow until then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

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Order of Man - June 25, 2024

JACKSON HIGHTOWER ｜ Understanding Sexual Dynamics Between Men and Women

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