Order of Man - JIMMY REX ｜ The Brotherhood Blueprint： How to Find, Build, and Keep Real Male Friendships

00:00:00.400 Most men are surrounded by people, but completely alone.

00:00:04.840 You've got co-workers, neighbors, guys from high school that we still text with,

00:00:10.160 but nobody who will actually tell us the truth or call us forward

00:00:14.400 or just sit with us when things go sideways.

00:00:17.160 And that's not friendship, that's just proximity.

00:00:20.520 And the difference between those two things

00:00:22.900 might be the most important gap that a man can close in his life.

00:00:28.060 And today I'm sitting down with Jimmy Rex, founder of We Are The They, author of Be One,

00:00:35.040 and one of the most intentional men that I know when it comes to building real brotherhood.

00:00:39.820 We get into where men actually find high caliber friends, how to tell the difference between a true friend and a liability,

00:00:48.700 the masculine dynamics that make marriages and relationships work,

00:00:52.860 and also why most guys are betraying themselves at the end of the day

00:00:57.680 long before anybody else gets the chance.

00:01:01.560 This is a conversation that I hope will change the way you think about the men in your life

00:01:06.400 and the ones who should be there but maybe aren't.

00:01:11.140 You're a man of action.

00:01:12.760 You live life to the fullest.

00:01:14.200 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:01:17.120 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:01:21.200 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:01:26.640 This is your life. This is who you are.

00:01:29.140 This is who you will become at the end of the day.

00:01:31.860 And after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:01:36.860 Gentlemen, welcome to the Order of Man podcast.

00:01:39.320 I am Ryan Michler, the host and the founder of this movement.

00:01:42.120 We've been going strong for 11 years in large part,

00:01:46.240 almost exclusively in part to the fact that you tune in

00:01:49.240 and listen every single week. And I'm glad you do. And it's my goal to give you good information

00:01:54.040 from incredible people and get you the tools and insights and resources that you need to drive

00:02:00.860 as a man. Before I get into the show, just want to mention my friends over at Montana Knife

00:02:07.260 Company. I've had the opportunity over the past month, month and a half to visit them twice.

00:02:12.040 their facility is amazing and on june 4th so this thursday june 4th 2026 they are finally finally

00:02:22.160 releasing their folding knife i promise this is going to go very very quickly within a matter of

00:02:27.980 minutes and that's not hyperbole they're going to sell out in minutes so if you want to pick up

00:02:33.200 their brand new folding knife all made in america by the great people in missoula montana and montana

00:02:40.280 knife company, then go to Montana knife company.com. Get ready Thursday. It's going to go fast. I want

00:02:46.720 you to get a good folding knife all made in America and also use the code order of man at

00:02:51.940 checkout all one word order of man. And you'll save some money when you do get on their folding

00:02:57.100 knife. It's called the Montana and it's from Montana knife company. All right, guys, let me

00:03:02.200 introduce you to my guest. His name is Jimmy Rex. He's the founder of we are the day, which is at

00:03:07.880 at this point, it's a global movement and it's a coaching program built around the idea of giving

00:03:13.380 men the tools and community and accountability that they need to become the best versions of

00:03:18.460 themselves. He's the author of two books, the bestselling, You End Up Where You're Heading

00:03:23.120 and his most recent work, B1, How to Be a Healthy Man in Toxic Times. He's also the host of the

00:03:29.260 Jimmy Rex Show, which is a top rated podcast with over 500 episodes featuring some of the world's

00:03:35.760 most compelling voices on masculinity, leadership, and even personal development. He's got 20 plus

00:03:42.660 years in real estate. He sold more than 2,500 homes, participated in the sale of 4,000 more,

00:03:49.960 including the most expensive home ever sold in the state of Utah. He's an investor or founder

00:03:57.020 in over 35 private companies. He owns more than 60 properties. He's been coached by Tony Robbins

00:04:03.800 and Ed Milet and Neil Strauss, and he shared stages with guys like Andy Frisilla, David

00:04:10.300 Goggins, Lewis Howes, Chris Williamson, and his message on what it means to be a healthy,

00:04:16.180 connected, more purposeful man has reached millions and millions of people at this time.

00:04:20.560 I'm honored to call him a friend and also a podcast guest.

00:04:25.860 Jimmy, what's up, brother?

00:04:26.940 Dude, good to see you, Ryan.

00:04:27.720 Glad to finally make this work.

00:04:28.980 I know.

00:04:29.240 It's funny.

00:04:29.660 We both live right here in Utah and make things happen.

00:04:32.120 yeah well i'm glad you're here i wanted to lead things off right so as people who listen might

00:04:38.240 already know huge fan of montana knife company and they sponsor and support us so anybody that

00:04:42.560 comes on the podcast gets a gift from thank you i actually love knives and things like that you're

00:04:48.100 gonna like this this is a little different you're gonna like this one when i was younger you remember

00:04:51.520 when uh tremors came out oh dude oh yeah and i just always wanted to have a knife gun room you

00:04:56.380 know like when the tremor comes in it's a big elephant gun so cool thank you man you bet yeah

00:05:02.000 it's their new hatchet and what's cool about this so everything they make is a hundred percent made

00:05:06.540 and sourced in america but it's got the made in america montana knife and it's got the order

00:05:11.760 what i love too it's just it's like uh it's like it has the luxury feel to it yeah it's got the

00:05:16.420 weight to it yeah everything else so all yours man thank you man yeah for sure i'm actually going

00:05:21.520 to montana later this summer with some buddies we do a trip with my high school buddies every year

00:05:25.380 and we were originally this year we were going to go to uh i try to go to a new country every time

00:05:29.440 yeah so we were going over to azerbaijan georgia what's azerbaijan what what is that it's is that

00:05:35.580 a country dude we were going in armenia yeah we were going to go to the three countries that are

00:05:38.940 sandwiched between iran and russia okay so once the world went to shit a little bit over there

00:05:43.420 we decided we should probably go to montana good place to be yeah yeah montana's a little safer

00:05:48.540 i don't know it's like the whole story about is is the man or the bear safer i don't know that's

00:05:53.160 a good point so probably much more dangerous in montana if we really break it down with the

00:05:57.440 grizzly bears and stuff but i actually i was up there last weekend and uh saw a bear that's one

00:06:03.220 of my bucket list items is to see a bear in the wild and so it was a black bear sow with three

00:06:08.920 cubs it was awesome amazing 20 25 yards away from us oh yeah well there's something about being in

00:06:13.600 nature it's i one of the secrets to what i do with the you know with the different retreats and

00:06:17.520 events that i host is we always get into nature always get in hiking and i think that's one of

00:06:23.480 the things that a lot of people miss is that primalness that we have. And anytime you can

00:06:27.420 get out and just go hiking, just be outside, that really does just bring something out of you that

00:06:33.120 is innate. We have to be in that kind of environment to really get ourselves in our

00:06:39.860 full masculine energy. I mean, I agree, but what do you think it is about nature that brings this

00:06:48.520 out of us? I think it's the silence, the solitude, the, the, you know, anytime we're in a world that's

00:06:55.460 too crowded, one of the things that I've realized, I don't know if you've experienced this a little

00:06:58.720 bit as I've gotten older, is you really do have to give yourself time to just be, to just think,

00:07:04.460 to just not have a million things going on. I know when I was in my twenties and thirties,

00:07:09.140 I just, everything was more and more. I always had an urgency. If there was a blank spot on my

00:07:13.860 calendar, I felt like I needed to fill it up. I needed to be productive. I needed to be doing

00:07:18.900 everything twice as fast. And I think when you're doing that, unfortunately, you don't give yourself

00:07:24.620 enough time to just really be with yourself. And so I think being in nature naturally slows us down.

00:07:30.480 I think that's probably what it is. I think that's a good point. Cause I, you know, I think

00:07:34.540 about how I spend my time and I've done inventory on my day and you know, how much time am I being

00:07:39.980 productive? How much time am I wasting? And it's amazing. I think I just got a notification on my

00:07:45.580 phone before we hit record. I had like six hour plus time of screen time and that's not all work

00:07:53.800 time either. That's me, you know, sitting on the toilet. That's me even driving. Like that's me

00:07:59.080 doing on the phone all the time. And I don't know exactly know, like if listening to a podcast

00:08:05.360 counts as i don't know but i think that's right there's a lot of guys who it's so easy to distract

00:08:13.080 ourselves and never sit with who we are and who we want to be and how we want to show up and how

00:08:18.780 we don't want to show up what we stand for what we don't that seems to me the best not the best

00:08:24.820 but a critical component of being out in the wild yeah and i think they're even they've done

00:08:29.300 some research about this when men sit around a campfire releases chemicals of bonding like

00:08:35.820 vasopressin things like that when you're doing difficult things when you go and you you know

00:08:40.060 push yourself and do some of that and I think that's part of it too but I think there's a

00:08:44.420 famous quote I think it's Carl Jung and he says you know men will do anything to avoid sitting

00:08:49.120 with themselves and so we just live in a world where it is really easy to distract yourself I'm

00:08:53.720 grateful we grew up in a time where it wasn't quite as bad still you know in high school me

00:08:58.980 and my buddies would get together and play board games every sunday night no phones right

00:09:02.400 you were better than we were well we'd toy paper too we made it rain a few times with that just

00:09:11.120 we were all baseball players so we could get them pretty high up in the trees yeah yeah we were the

00:09:15.780 we were the toilet paper bandits i've got a funny story about that can you imagine somebody toy

00:09:20.440 paper today with the way they look oh yeah they would they totally i had a i had a cousin i guess

00:09:25.580 an ex-cousin-in-law I guess is how you describe it but he created I don't I don't know what he

00:09:32.080 did he he did something with like a bottle rocket or a two-liter bottle and like blew it up or

00:09:36.960 something like something totally some dry ice in a two-liter it was something like that the cops

00:09:42.880 came and gave him an infraction gave him a ticket I'm like god it's just a kid he's like dude I got

00:09:49.700 arrested yeah i got arrested putting mentos and coke when i was that big a deal exactly when i was

00:09:55.500 in uh my singles ward back in another life when i was going to the lds church i was probably 23 or

00:10:00.820 24 and i wanted to have this really fun night for the ward you know it was all the single kids

00:10:05.360 and so i did a sandlot movie night so i got this big blow-up thing and we watched the sandlot

00:10:11.980 outside this about 20 years ago on a projector yeah yeah and uh and then the part where they

00:10:17.160 make s'mores we made little s'more kits and had s'mores and then the part where the fireworks go

00:10:21.700 off i had these really cool fireworks i'd gone up to wyoming and got and uh and so i light off

00:10:26.540 these fireworks dude the cops show up because of the size of the fireworks and they arrested me

00:10:31.380 right there at the church activity i'm sitting on the oh yeah i'm sitting there 24 25 so you're

00:10:37.860 right but i'm sitting there just going what is going on right now i'm i'm literally getting

00:10:41.900 arrested at a church activity because i was trying to just go the extra mile with it you know it's

00:10:46.760 They ended up letting me go, but after like an hour and a half in front of everybody.

00:10:50.400 Yeah, and the bishop never even came over to check in on me.

00:10:52.200 I'm like, dude.

00:10:52.980 You're done.

00:10:55.080 Do your job.

00:10:55.900 Let's go.

00:10:56.480 That's what I actually think.

00:10:57.860 I'm not a LDS basher by any means.

00:11:01.680 I was LDS.

00:11:02.760 You grew up LDS.

00:11:04.680 There was so much weak leadership that I just, I think if there's one thing I could pin it to, it'd be that.

00:11:11.600 Weak male leadership.

00:11:12.760 That's something that you see a lot in today's world, right?

00:11:14.860 there's this i must one of the questions i want to ask you is is masculinity becoming too soft

00:11:21.280 you know i think in a lot of ways what's being taught there's this vulnerability is beautiful

00:11:26.320 and authenticity as well but then you know so so the question i would have so i have a guy in my

00:11:31.100 group that's naturally very he leans very feminine and he loves to sing he loves to do art it's just

00:11:36.740 that's where he his natural i don't even think that's feminine actually but we well that's the

00:11:41.140 part of him that like his his feminine whatever but and then we're but because of his softness

00:11:46.340 he does make mistakes that cost him in his marriage in his life different things and so

00:11:51.920 where's the where is the needle go is it do we teach him hey you need to be more in your masculine

00:11:58.740 per se so that you you know own your truth and you know have better boundaries and some of these

00:12:04.200 things because it would help him not make the mistakes he makes but his authenticity is more

00:12:09.920 on living in his feminine side.

00:12:11.640 And so where do you balance something like that?

00:12:14.740 You know, I think a guy like that

00:12:17.060 can never be, just by his nature,

00:12:21.020 will never be too masculine.

00:12:22.940 Right.

00:12:23.600 And I tell a lot of guys,

00:12:25.080 when you're a recovering nice guy, and I am.

00:12:27.260 I don't know if you've ever had,

00:12:28.220 if you have a nice guy tendencies or whatever.

00:12:30.100 Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

00:12:30.860 I think, unfortunately, we all were,

00:12:32.140 because nobody's teaching us not to.

00:12:33.320 We think we're doing the right thing.

00:12:34.540 Our moms are teaching us.

00:12:35.060 I know.

00:12:35.540 And they're nice.

00:12:36.240 Yeah.

00:12:36.600 Like, my mom's beautiful.

00:12:37.740 Yeah. 0.93

00:12:38.160 And also, she's not very tough.

00:12:39.920 um no but i but what i think is a guy like that is he's never gonna go too far masculine just

00:12:49.680 because of his nature it's kind of like when i when i tell these guys who are recovering nice 0.96

00:12:53.240 guys you have to tiptoe and tap dance in asshole territory because if you don't then you'll never 0.68

00:13:00.480 have a healthy perspective of what is right so if this gentleman you're talking about decides to is 0.97

00:13:07.320 he married he is yeah so how long roughly uh remarried but two years okay so if one day he

00:13:13.780 decides to say hey babe you know um no she's gonna be like wait what excuse me and he's gonna think 0.97

00:13:24.460 he's being a dick he's probably not right because of his tendency to be a people pleaser but it's 0.90

00:13:31.940 going to feel like that yeah even when i coach these guys i have to kind of sometimes watch 0.98

00:13:37.480 myself because i'll just say something that's direct and they're taking it as why is jimmy 0.58

00:13:41.000 being a dick why is he mad at me do i need to you know repair something here and it's no dude i just 0.77

00:13:46.000 need the thing done quickly i yeah i have no emotion attached to this i'm just giving you a 0.98

00:13:50.140 but people look at it through their lens correct so their dad may have been abusive um and said

00:13:55.580 things like you uh their boss other people friends whoever it might be and they think well that guy's 1.00

00:14:01.400 a jerk he said it like that jimmy's saying it like that so therefore he's a jerk yeah well to 0.99

00:14:05.920 go back to the church thing it's interesting because i've always had a little bit of empathy 0.99

00:14:09.200 for church leaders per se because they kind of get thrown into this role there's not really

00:14:14.560 preparation for it there's no coaching for it yes and that's the reason why i always say i wouldn't

00:14:20.560 go to those people for help they're not qualified you know to be able to give you the advice that

00:14:25.860 you need they're doing the best they can and that's the part where you kind of your heart

00:14:30.100 goes out to them but also you know i know how much bad advice my own parents got going to their

00:14:34.040 bishops like things that were said that you know i got caught wind of and you're just you're

00:14:38.360 thinking well that that is definitely not good advice but they're also just unqualified to be

00:14:42.780 giving it that's the problem you got these guys they're in the bishopric and for those who might

00:14:46.920 not know that's the church leadership within a relatively close-knit neighborhood or community

00:14:53.440 um and no offense to to the to the bishopric but like these are these are accountants these are

00:15:01.080 attorneys these are store managers you know they're entrepreneurs they're employees like

00:15:06.540 and that's great like nothing wrong with that that's all good stuff but that doesn't translate

00:15:11.740 to talking to people about spirituality it reminds me a little bit of when somebody that's

00:15:17.960 married and then maybe they got married in their early 20s they're trying to give advice to people

00:15:21.440 that are dating right yeah and you're or the way they did it back when they dated or whatever and

00:15:27.160 even if you have a 25 year happy marriage it doesn't mean you know how to date in today's

00:15:30.300 world and i always laugh you know i say your intentions are really good but your advice is

00:15:35.840 actually really bad and they usually tell you know or it's like taking advice women when they're

00:15:40.980 giving dating advice to single men and it's like you don't ask a fish how to catch fish you ask the

00:15:46.440 fisherman right and it really is the the whole thing and you hear this advice and guys go do it 0.96

00:15:51.720 and then they get their ass kicked you know they end up simping for a girl or they end up doing 0.97

00:15:55.840 something that you know that costs the the attraction because they go for comfort because 1.00

00:15:59.920 that's what the woman said that they probably wanted but the women don't even know what they 0.93

00:16:03.380 want they well i actually subconsciously i disagree with that a little bit i think women

00:16:08.480 do know what they want but i think they have a hard time vocalizing it in a way that computes 0.68

00:16:13.880 with our brain like we're speaking different languages and I've had so many experiences

00:16:18.560 personal and through the guys that I work with where you know let's say let's say a wife is

00:16:25.080 is frustrated or mad with her husband and he's like I don't even know what she's mad about

00:16:29.220 and then he'll go talk to her because I encourage communication between husband and wife

00:16:34.940 so go talk go ask her what is she mad about and she'll say something like well I told you this

00:16:42.080 thing or I said this thing. It's like, well, what words did you use? Like, tell me the words that

00:16:47.040 you used. And she'll share the words. And it's like, I don't think that means to me what you

00:16:54.060 think it does. Like, I remember my ex-wife, when we went through our divorce, she was like, I told

00:17:00.060 you, I told you I hated your drinking. I told you that if you were drinking, then I would leave.

00:17:06.100 like i told you all that i'm like hold on what words did you say like what were the what did

00:17:12.320 you say i don't remember you saying that what did you say and this is what she said i'll never

00:17:15.920 forget it she says i told you i was worried about your drinking i was like okay time out

00:17:22.300 i'm worried about your drinking is not if you don't stop drinking i'll leave you

00:17:27.200 yeah those mean two different things yeah well it's one of the things that i've studied a lot of

00:17:34.120 communication above everything else i've gone to every seminar and conference i really

00:17:38.280 think it's fascinating to study communication and um yes men don't understand women's language and

00:17:45.700 women don't understand men's language that's why i'm really happy there's some influencers out

00:17:49.180 there now like alison armstrong i'm familiar with her stuff she's great she really helps women

00:17:53.360 understand how men think and how men act and that book the queen's code i give that out to women

00:17:59.300 you know because it really helps them understand a man and because women want to be great wives

00:18:04.620 men want to be great husbands we're all trying to be great at what we're doing we just do

00:18:09.460 communicate and the world just flows completely different for the two different you know people

00:18:13.740 and so unfortunately a lot of lines get crossed in that and that's for so much disappointment and

00:18:20.020 disapproval and everything else comes into play but i also think that's why it's so important that

00:18:24.220 And we just, as men, I mean, you've been podcasting for, well, both of us, over a decade now.

00:18:29.260 Yeah.

00:18:31.200 And one thing that I think you and I and other people in the industry are really good at is asking questions.

00:18:37.460 That's our job.

00:18:38.380 I'm a professional question asker.

00:18:41.400 Yeah.

00:18:41.600 Well, that's what a good coach does in these ways.

00:18:43.420 Right.

00:18:43.580 Just helping them come to an answer to their own problem.

00:18:45.980 Yeah.

00:18:46.940 And I wish more guys understood that.

00:18:49.260 So when they're confused about the way their wife's communicating with them, it's like, just ask.

00:18:53.460 hey babe you seem upset what's going on and she's like well I'm fine hey I know you're I know you're

00:18:58.880 not fine is there a reason you wouldn't share it with me right so like these are questions that

00:19:03.340 you can ask that will elicit that but then to go back to what you were saying before about the

00:19:08.040 the quote-unquote nice guy like where's the balance in him pushing too far you have to push

00:19:13.220 you have you actually have to that's the reason you're athletic you were in sports growing up

00:19:18.600 you said you're a baseball player I played baseball and football growing up my oldest son

00:19:23.120 is big into lacrosse. He's, he just got a scholarship, uh, an opportunity to go play

00:19:26.920 at Southern Utah university. So he's playing college lacrosse now. And when you look at any

00:19:33.340 field, whether it's a field or a court or whatever, there's boundaries, right? And so if you step over

00:19:39.880 that, that's too far, but you have to be willing to push the boundaries a little bit. It's almost

00:19:44.900 like that rule of, if you're not cheating, you're not trying. Like I'm going to push right up to the

00:19:49.660 edge and step over. But then somebody who's more assertive like you and me, because of the time

00:19:54.920 that we've taken to hone the craft is really what it comes down to. You and I have to tiptoe into

00:20:01.840 nice guy territory. So I have to be overly empathetic with my youngest son and my daughter

00:20:08.720 and my two other boys. I have to be more kind that is naturally comfortable for me, but I'll never

00:20:15.600 be a pansy. It's just not in my nature. But I do have to tiptoe into that territory. And that's 0.61

00:20:21.720 the challenge is like, if you're a nice guy, you have to tiptoe into asshole territory. If you're 0.99

00:20:26.700 an asshole, you have to tiptoe into nice guy territory to find what's going to work and be 1.00

00:20:30.740 most effective for you. Yeah. I like how you say that because you do have to, I've had to learn 1.00

00:20:34.460 that with myself of, I used to say things and you know, some of my close friends said, Jimmy,

00:20:38.620 I don't think you understand your words can be like daggers. People are offended by them. They're

00:20:43.560 hurt by them. And I'm over here, what are you talking about? I didn't even mean anything by

00:20:46.840 that. They're like, we know that, but they don't know that. And so I accidentally would offend

00:20:52.120 people a lot. And I have, I think I have gotten a lot better at, you know, tiptoeing into that.

00:20:56.680 I call it more of an empathetic place where you're, you know, you're, you're trying to truly

00:21:01.840 see the person's view a little bit more. Cause I think a lot of times too, I just trust my

00:21:06.340 intuition very deeply. I very much am really good at making a decision and going. And if I'm wrong,

00:21:11.080 we'll fix it later because that has served me so well. And I just know that action is so much

00:21:16.200 better than inaction. And so unfortunately I've gotten in, you know, in the past rewarded for

00:21:21.320 just bulldozing sometimes, but you have to in life to get shit done. Uh, in the process of that, 0.80

00:21:27.680 you can forget that there's people that maybe didn't like the approach or the assertiveness

00:21:33.560 of what you were using. And so it's been cool to kind of step back. And that's where I just love

00:21:38.340 guys like yourself that are helping people understand this because it's not taught it's

00:21:42.000 not taught in schools and when you start helping people see especially the nice guy tendencies you

00:21:46.040 know and a lot of men they think they're being a good ex-husband they think they're being a good

00:21:50.860 husband they think they're being a good son and so they'll let somebody really treat them poorly

00:21:56.520 and they don't realize it's at their demise they're miserable they they're broke they don't

00:22:01.760 have any hope for getting out of the situation when all they need to do is put down a strong

00:22:05.880 boundary. And I've said this, Tony Robbins talks about this is your woman actually wants you to do 1.00

00:22:10.500 that. Oh, for sure. And it's such a, for a nice guy, it's such a uncomfortable thing. They can't 0.82

00:22:16.540 trust it, but if they do, I had one buddy, you know, I was coaching him a little bit and

00:22:20.860 he was very successful. He'd sold a company in college for tens of millions of dollars. This

00:22:24.960 dude was a baller. He is a baller. And he had this beautiful wife and she just kind of was

00:22:30.240 being rude to him all the time. And I said to him, I said, just one time, just say to her, 0.97

00:22:34.320 hey honey we love each other we don't talk to each other like that try it again and he's like

00:22:38.340 oh my gosh i could never i said try it one time once just freaking have enough faith in me one

00:22:43.020 time he did it and he changed his whole marriage totally immediately was like oh i guess he's not 0.98

00:22:47.320 the pussy i thought he was you know what i mean and all of a sudden he uh he was able to have a 0.97

00:22:52.380 can uh just a relationship that actually worked where the you know where she respected him again 0.98

00:22:57.800 i didn't i didn't fully realize that until i started dating again so i've been divorced for

00:23:03.240 a little over three years now and it's amazing the women that i've dated and there haven't been

00:23:10.920 a lot but there's been i've had some long-term relationships and and the women that i've dated

00:23:14.500 long-term it's funny because they've said i like when you tell me what we're doing and tell me what

00:23:22.180 to do and and the follow-up to that is i didn't think i would like that it's like of course you

00:23:27.960 like that because you're a woman and you like being led. And as long as you have, you don't 0.52

00:23:34.180 like being led by a jerk. You don't like being led by a weakling. You don't like being led by 1.00

00:23:40.300 somebody who's immoral. Somebody you don't trust. Right. Yeah. But if you have trust and credibility

00:23:46.040 and authority and morality, she will follow you to the ends of the earth. But that guy you were

00:23:52.020 talking about, did he feel like he was being a jerk when he said it? Uh, he, he just felt like 0.98

00:23:57.160 my wife's going to flip if I do this. That was more, he was afraid of her reaction.

00:24:00.960 She was like, she actually don't mind if I do. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're so right when you say

00:24:05.680 that, you know, women want to be led, but I always say, guys, it's up to you to make sure

00:24:09.680 she feels safe enough. Cause above all else, a woman needs to feel safe as men. I don't think

00:24:13.620 we truly appreciate what it's like to walk around this world as a woman. They'd never feel safe.

00:24:17.720 They, they constantly have to be vigilant of their safety. Well, Jocko has a great quote on

00:24:22.060 this. He said, I'll never forget this. He said, sometimes men have what other men want.

00:24:27.160 women always have what other men want.

00:24:30.320 You know, if I'm rolling around, I've got a Rolex 1.00

00:24:32.680 and I've got a stack of cash in my pocket

00:24:35.380 or I'm looking good, like another guy might say,

00:24:37.980 hey, I think I'll make an easy target of that guy. 1.00

00:24:41.260 But a woman, she's always got her body 1.00

00:24:43.320 and she's always got what other men would want. 0.99

00:24:47.420 Yeah, and I mean, there just is a reality.

00:24:49.340 I don't know if you've seen that new TikTok trend

00:24:50.620 going around that has guys have to handcuff their wife

00:24:53.780 within 30 seconds. 1.00

00:24:54.680 And so the wife's trying all she can to get at us. 1.00

00:24:57.400 It's a fun game they are doing. 0.73

00:24:58.980 It doesn't happen, right?

00:25:00.080 Oh, the guy gets her every time. 0.95

00:25:01.460 Every time. 0.61

00:25:01.740 Every single time. 0.76

00:25:02.400 And so you start to realize women really are at the mercy of men.

00:25:06.040 I mean, this is them trying everything they can not to get handcuffed.

00:25:09.300 It's really funny videos, but you just see the difference. 0.96

00:25:12.720 I mean, there's a real raw power to men that women don't have, 0.97

00:25:16.700 and they know this instinctively, if not logically.

00:25:19.920 And so they do have to be a little bit more vigilant about feeling safe.

00:25:22.720 And so if their man doesn't make them feel safe, and I always say that's part of just having your life together as a man is you have to have your house in order.

00:25:29.080 What that means to me is physically, spiritually, and financially and emotionally, you have to have your house in order.

00:25:36.120 You have to be her safety.

00:25:38.460 That's one of the reasons why men's groups are so powerful because if you go home and start bitching to your wife about what's going wrong in your life and what's not working at work and you start having a pity party, you're going to lose her safety.

00:25:50.620 You've now broken the safety she had, maybe financially, maybe emotionally, whatever.

00:25:55.460 And so you need to be able to talk about those things also, though, as a man.

00:25:58.860 And that's why you need your boys, whether it's a men's group or just a group of close friends.

00:26:03.060 You can go talk about those things.

00:26:04.500 Hey, man, this ain't working for me, guys.

00:26:05.680 I'm a little scared about this.

00:26:06.600 What do I do?

00:26:07.540 Then you go home with, you know, new, resolute confidence that you can fix the problem.

00:26:13.360 And maybe you can tell her, but you're telling her from a different lens.

00:26:15.580 Like, hey, this is something I've been going through, but I've got some ideas.

00:26:18.820 I'm going to be able to figure it out.

00:26:20.180 and all of a sudden she keeps the safety

00:26:22.000 hey my man's got this I don't even need to worry about it 0.65

00:26:23.960 but the second you start spewing onto your woman 1.00

00:26:25.920 you break that safety and she's going to start

00:26:28.240 looking for it somewhere else whether it's 0.56

00:26:29.960 in her own masculine energy 0.99

00:26:31.600 she might have to go get a job she might just 1.00

00:26:33.940 shut down her feminine softness whatever 1.00

00:26:36.000 that might look like or it might be in another man 0.55

00:26:37.960 completely or whatever that might be

00:26:39.860 yeah I mean I think you're right it's like

00:26:41.800 you've got to

00:26:42.780 this is part of the reason why I hate

00:26:45.940 the whole modern

00:26:47.340 framework of vulnerability

00:26:50.580 Brené Brown ruined it for everybody.

00:26:52.920 I mean, I'm sure she's bright and smart and everything else. 0.67

00:26:56.320 She kind of proved during COVID she's not that smart, though.

00:26:58.420 She hit the bed during COVID.

00:26:59.700 She lost me during all that.

00:27:01.080 I mean, a lot of people did.

00:27:02.340 Ryan Holiday was another one.

00:27:04.120 Well, he's proven to be a fraud, too.

00:27:06.220 It's frustrating when you see that.

00:27:08.520 But regardless, you know, the modern version of vulnerability is just,

00:27:13.200 oh, express everything at all times.

00:27:14.800 It's like, no, don't do that.

00:27:16.660 And I agree with you.

00:27:17.680 I had some guys, I do a divorce course for guys who are in the first 12 months of separation and or divorce.

00:27:24.960 And I tell them like, look, you're not going to dump all your stuff on your ex or your current wife who you're going through a separation or divorce with because it's going to undermine everything that you do or trying to do.

00:27:37.460 If you want to vent, if you want to yell, if you want to shout, if you want to cry, if you want to beat your chest, like whatever, just message me.

00:27:45.140 Yes.

00:27:45.460 or message somebody else in the group

00:27:47.340 and all of us will listen.

00:27:48.740 But you're not going to do that with her 1.00

00:27:50.800 because I learned this about what women want 0.99

00:27:56.340 is they say they want a guy who's vulnerable, right? 0.97

00:28:00.680 And they'll say, like,

00:28:01.640 I want a man who's in touch with his emotions

00:28:03.680 or in touch with his sensitive side.

00:28:06.200 Like, you'll hear that.

00:28:07.320 That's not actually what they want 1.00

00:28:08.760 because the minute a man does that, 1.00

00:28:10.740 she's like, ick, gross.

00:28:12.280 And she's repulsed by it, as she should be. 1.00

00:28:14.760 what she really wants to know is does jimmy know that he can be a dick 0.98

00:28:22.460 like does jimmy know that he's got some issues he needs to work on and so that's part a and part b 0.98

00:28:30.140 and you just said it does he have a plan to deal with it so if i go to the woman in my life and i

00:28:34.860 say hey babe look i'm having a rough day boss jumped down my throat lost a big client it was

00:28:42.660 like not a good day. So if I'm distant, that's why, but I just want to let you know, I'm going

00:28:48.380 to put work away. We'll hop in the shower, cool off for a minute, come down, fully engaged with

00:28:53.280 the family as best I can be. If I'm a little distant, that's what's going on. And then tomorrow

00:28:57.360 I've got three sales meetings set up to replace that client. I already have a strategy and things

00:29:04.520 in action to help my boss. And then she's like, okay, cool. I feel safe with that because I know

00:29:10.580 that he knows he's got an issue

00:29:12.620 and he's got a

00:29:14.540 plan to deal with it. And if you're

00:29:16.660 missing either of those

00:29:17.920 you can be as nice as you want

00:29:20.660 friendly as you want, alpha 0.99

00:29:22.440 as you want, she just 1.00

00:29:24.480 does not care. Well and a good woman too 1.00

00:29:26.300 they're going to purposefully test you 1.00

00:29:28.460 to make sure you are living in your

00:29:30.560 integrity, living in that

00:29:32.100 correct energy that is helping you as a

00:29:34.580 man support whatever you guys are

00:29:36.540 building together and so they are going to be constantly

00:29:38.560 testing that but that's because

00:29:40.540 she's a good woman and she's trying to help you make sure you're not living below yourself. 0.97

00:29:45.200 You know, I, I talked to a lot of guys that their wives kind of get to a point where they're just 0.99

00:29:49.740 done if they're not going to make a change. And I say, dude, a good wife is going to do that. 1.00

00:29:54.680 They shouldn't just love you unconditionally, no matter what, what are you doing? You've given up 1.00

00:29:58.900 on your own health. You've given up on your own dreams. You have no purpose right now. And she

00:30:03.400 feels that lack of purpose. And she being a good woman is calling you back into your own integrity

00:30:09.160 to do something with yourself, to do something with your life.

00:30:11.980 And so a lot of times where it feels like for men,

00:30:15.020 she's always bugging me or nagging me or whatever.

00:30:17.060 It's like, well, you got to look at yourself.

00:30:18.660 Are you living an exemplary life?

00:30:22.160 Like, are you actually doing the things, you know, to have a purposeful life?

00:30:25.940 And if you're, if you are, that's one thing, you know,

00:30:28.200 but it's very rare you'll have a woman that's going to be nagging you as a man

00:30:31.600 if you're living in your power.

00:30:33.780 It's just, they just won't.

00:30:34.540 There's nothing to nag you about.

00:30:35.400 No, because they're going to be happy with that.

00:30:37.300 And they might still test you, but they're not going to,

00:30:39.080 It's not going to be, they're not going to be testing you in the ways that, you know, cause you to feel like inferior or whatever that might be.

00:30:47.640 They're just going to constantly be helping you level up. 0.91

00:30:50.920 Gents, I'm going to step away from the conversation very briefly.

00:30:54.380 I want to tell you about something that's taking place tonight, or excuse me, next week.

00:30:58.660 So it's a week from today.

00:31:00.260 So that's Tuesday, June 9th at 8 p.m. Eastern.

00:31:03.280 I'm going to be hosting a live Iron Council preview call, and I want you on that call.

00:31:08.140 So if you've been curious about the iron council, but maybe you haven't pulled the trigger yet

00:31:12.120 Then this is your shot guys

00:31:14.220 I'm going to give you a behind the scenes look at what the community is

00:31:17.480 And what we actually do inside and why the men in the iron council are building the kind of brotherhood and accountability

00:31:23.900 and forward momentum

00:31:25.600 That I think most men spend their whole lives looking for but never actually finding

00:31:30.840 This is a free call. It's a one-hour preview. It's june 9th

00:31:35.280 It starts at 8 p.m. Eastern, and my goal, again, is to give you everything you need to know

00:31:39.320 to make a good decision about banding with us or not. But you can register at

00:31:44.700 theironcouncil.com slash preview right now. Guys, do not sit this one out because the men who show

00:31:51.900 up, not just for this call, but in life, are the men who always move forward. So I hope to see you

00:31:57.880 june 9th at 8 p.m eastern go to the iron council.com slash preview now let me get back to it

00:32:05.260 with jimmy it's funny though because a lot of guys and i think more more weak guys than anything else

00:32:11.460 will say oh it's just a shit test and they put they pin it all on women a good guy in your corner 0.91

00:32:17.540 is going to do the same thing oh yeah right like if i go to the part of the reason i love 0.98

00:32:22.260 just combat sports, martial arts is because I can go in and I could go train with somebody for an

00:32:29.200 hour and I will know a lot about you. I'll know if you're arrogant. I'll know if you're ego driven.

00:32:36.740 I'll know if you're fit. I'll know if you're a bitch. I know I'll know if you're a coward. 1.00

00:32:41.980 I'll figure it out within like two minutes. And I've seen so many guys come into jujitsu, 0.93

00:32:47.560 for example where they come in with that arrogant egotistical attitude and they get beat up for an

00:32:53.200 hour and then never come back that's the test right there so a lot of guys will say well you

00:32:59.780 know i don't i don't have anybody who's like really interested in this kind of stuff in my area

00:33:04.100 that's first that's not true because of the work you and i do we know there's guys like this

00:33:09.920 everywhere. Second, you're not obligated to stay friends or even create that small, tight friend

00:33:18.780 circle or brotherhood with guys that you went to high school with 25 years ago if they're not

00:33:23.800 leveling up. But the reason men do that is because it's way more comfortable to hang out with

00:33:29.540 somebody who isn't going to push on you. But every successful person that I know who's a friend,

00:33:35.040 a brother, somebody I, a confidant, somebody I support and believe in, it's not always comfortable.

00:33:42.540 I've got a group of guys, like a handful of guys right now who I love to death and we do life

00:33:47.760 together and we talk. And if I've got an issue, I'll call, but you better believe those guys will

00:33:53.160 call me out. And my first reaction is fuck you. And then my second reaction is, you know, you've 1.00

00:33:59.540 earned the right to say that and you're kind of right. So let me reevaluate my life or my decision.

00:34:03.240 Yeah, the way I say it is because my best friend is the same thing.

00:34:06.380 You're just forcing each other to level up all the time, right?

00:34:08.660 And those uncomfortable conversations are so welcomed.

00:34:11.300 And I always say the difference is, and this is where guys can really screw this up,

00:34:16.000 you have to really check yourself and make sure you're coming from a space of love and not ego.

00:34:20.160 Because I've had fake friends that will try to call you forward, but it's really their ego.

00:34:24.700 They're just trying to prop themselves up or put you down.

00:34:27.540 And so you have to earn it, like you said.

00:34:29.520 you know you've earned enough respect from these men that they feel comfortable to be able to tell

00:34:34.680 you that and when it comes from a place of love there's nothing better than having your buddy

00:34:38.920 you know help you see it we have this thing we play this game me and my buddies when we'll be

00:34:43.640 just at dinner and we'll just say all right what's a blind spot I'm not seeing guys and we give the

00:34:48.200 permission to invite in full raw hey man here's something just to think about it seems like you're 0.98

00:34:54.700 you know a little bit of a dick in this area or whatever you know and right and all of a sudden

00:34:58.660 you get and you don't have to take everything all feedback is just feedback some of it i go 0.98

00:35:04.400 i'll internalize and go okay i think i see what he's coming from there's other things where i

00:35:08.200 i can honestly hear it and then go no that's not the truth here that's not true to me and

00:35:13.340 you have to know yourself well enough to know which things to take the feedback and then you

00:35:17.940 get to make change on versus other things not everything that you get feedback on has to be

00:35:22.380 acted on either that's a good point like just because somebody says something doesn't mean

00:35:26.800 you need to actually do anything with it but yeah i think there's two questions i always ask is so

00:35:32.640 that when i'm getting feedback number one has this person earned the right to give me this advice yes

00:35:37.440 and the reason that's important is it speaks to motives so and it gives me a little bit more grace

00:35:43.320 for you so if you're like hey right like bro i see what's going on you're messing up in this

00:35:49.980 department i need to know that your motive is i care about you not i want to throw you under the

00:35:56.280 us. And that's why the trust thing is so important. Did you earn the right to tell me? Because if you

00:36:00.360 didn't, you could tell me that, but you might actually want me to fail. Yeah. Right. So I need

00:36:06.100 to know your motives pure. So that's my first question. Has this person earned the right to

00:36:10.280 give me that feedback? And some of it might just be borrowed credibility. And does this person not

00:36:15.140 just give me negative feedback, but is this person constantly giving me good feedback? Oh, that's a

00:36:19.020 good point. You know what I mean? Because if you have a friend that's just constantly telling you

00:36:22.640 what you're doing wrong, that's not a good friend either. That's a good point. So me and my friends

00:36:25.980 are really good anytime one of my buddies loses a few pounds or gets in better shape i i try to

00:36:30.920 notice and i always will say something every time they do something successful at work or they i

00:36:35.760 seem to be a good dad i i want to tell them i make sure to tell them these things so that when i do

00:36:39.800 have to say something hard they're like yeah jimmy you know jimmy's been propping me up more than

00:36:43.980 anybody i can take a little bit of hard advice from him as well that's a good point i was i was

00:36:48.700 watching a video the other day and it was like i don't know it was like a handful of guys they

00:36:53.480 might have been gaming and they were talking to each other like hey if i was you know if i died

00:36:57.080 would you go to my funeral and one guy's like man i would love to go to your funeral knowing that i 0.94

00:37:02.620 could have helped you but decided to leave you alone and let you kill yourself instead or something

00:37:06.440 it was like oh those kids can be ruthless but you could tell that they were all laughing and you

00:37:12.340 could tell that actually means oh no i'd be there in a heart when the emotional intelligence it's

00:37:16.340 funny because if you've never been around people that truly love each other guys they give each 0.83

00:37:20.120 other so much shit right but that's part of helping each other level up is you can say 0.89

00:37:25.100 uncomfortable things that are actually like a little bit of truth yeah you know i did one 0.98

00:37:30.120 yesterday we have this guy in our group that we were all hanging out we're on the boat and uh and

00:37:34.920 he decided to stay back to do work you know and he's he's got about 4 000 employees he's worth

00:37:39.940 nine figures so he's a legitimate okay this dude is a busy guy but also i call bia so i this you

00:37:45.640 know so then that night we're doing something i was like oh yeah brian he may may not go join us

00:37:50.320 because he's he's mr i gotta skip out on boating and be more busy with work i was like it's cool

00:37:55.060 dude we don't need your friendship it's all good like but and it's me and him have such a tight

00:37:58.960 bond but there was a little bit of truth and you kind of did leave us hanging on boating you know

00:38:03.080 but it's fine we're good and and also go with us yeah exactly did you guys go to san hollow yeah

00:38:09.180 Okay, so there's that side, right?

00:38:13.680 Where it's like, okay, so number one, have they earned the right to give it to me?

00:38:17.400 And then number two is, are they right?

00:38:19.920 Like, that's it.

00:38:20.940 And that's where you have to really just, you know, I have this saying.

00:38:23.560 I got it from Colin Cowherd.

00:38:24.800 He's a sports analyst guy.

00:38:26.440 I think I've heard of him.

00:38:27.240 He says this all the time.

00:38:28.180 He says, the goal isn't to be right, it's to get it right.

00:38:31.620 And I really, I say that all the time.

00:38:33.440 You know, am I trying to be right or am I trying to get this right?

00:38:35.760 And that's a big difference, you know?

00:38:37.280 and it's really important one because people that when here's the other thing if if you don't take

00:38:41.900 advice from people or you don't take criticism at all or feedback even they're just going to quit

00:38:46.240 giving it to you now all of a sudden you're going to live in an echo chamber you're only going to

00:38:49.620 be surrounded by people that'll tell you what you want to hear yeah and the people that love you

00:38:53.680 most i had a couple years ago i had two brothers were really mad at me and they wouldn't talk to

00:38:57.440 me for a pretty long period legitimate brothers or my two brothers yeah literally brothers yeah

00:39:02.080 sorry yeah like actual brothers and best friends of mine i mean both of them had named a child

00:39:06.820 after me we're tight I mean literally yeah one is oldest son and the other one is second son so

00:39:11.520 these are my tight brothers you're the third uh sorry I'm the fifth so yeah these are the two

00:39:17.480 brothers right above me and there was a time where they didn't talk to me for about a year 0.91

00:39:21.440 and um and at first I just thought they were dicks and I you know I felt misunderstood which I 0.66

00:39:28.000 probably was but also I was not seeing parts of me and eventually I was in a breathwork session I 0.96

00:39:34.860 was able to see where they were coming from it was really beautiful because part of it was dude

00:39:40.240 you wouldn't even have looked at this if it was anyone else that didn't talk to you because you

00:39:44.180 wouldn't have cared yeah but they loved you in a way and you know how much you love them and so

00:39:48.360 because of that love they loved you in a way that no one else even could and it forced me to look

00:39:53.340 at parts of myself that I did not want to and I'm 100% better because of that and I had to just

00:39:58.380 it was so funny because you ever had one of those ones you think that they're the problem

00:40:01.720 and you realize you're the problem and part of what helped me is my brother finally told me what

00:40:06.680 he had you know the problem with me and I thought it was going to be this irrational misunderstood

00:40:11.160 thing and it was so eloquently put and he like was so spot on and I was like I had to look at

00:40:17.800 myself I there was about three or four things I was like I don't agree with that but the rest of

00:40:21.700 it was pretty damn good he had really at least thought this through at a level that I was not

00:40:26.240 prepared for. That's funny. And it was just, I was just like, oh, good for him. I had an experience

00:40:31.680 just, uh, gosh, probably five or six months ago where I had this guy who was part of our

00:40:39.100 organization and he worked with me and he was kind of my right hand man for a little bit and

00:40:43.820 really respect the guy. And then he had made a post in, I think it was like my Facebook group

00:40:50.380 or something like my, my group. And I can't even remember what the post was, but it pissed me off.

00:40:56.240 and i got into the comment section and i'm like dude what are you doing like coming to black it

00:41:00.900 was like something about the men's movement or something and he's it felt like he was trying to

00:41:05.080 blast me in my own group and so i called him out then he called me out and then eventually i just

00:41:09.600 blocked him from the group i just removed him from the group and he texts me and he's like i can't

00:41:15.060 believe you blocked me and i blocked him as a friend i'm like well dude i don't like i don't

00:41:19.360 do that stuff like i'm not i'm not playing that game and then maybe like a month later i started

00:41:26.840 thinking about it i was like did i handle that right could i've could i have afforded more grace

00:41:31.540 could i've been a little bit more understanding or tried to figure out where he's coming from i

00:41:35.300 don't know why i started thinking that but i sent him a text i'm like hey look bro i think i could

00:41:40.800 probably handle that differently i should have handled that differently still don't agree with

00:41:44.180 what you said but i could have handled that differently and he he reached out he's like

00:41:48.480 yeah, I could have handled it differently too. He had some things going on in his life that I

00:41:52.280 won't disclose because he's a friend and it's personal. And I had some things going on in my

00:41:55.360 life and it just collided at the wrong time. One thing I've learned with friendship,

00:41:59.920 cause it's probably my favorite topic to study. I'm obsessed with being a great friend. I have

00:42:04.540 10 real, like, like they are like my brothers that are best friends for 20 year relationships.

00:42:09.840 I mean, truly some of my best, best friends. And so I really love the topic. It's why I teach it.

00:42:14.940 It's why it's what I spend my life doing.

00:42:17.580 And one of the things about friendship

00:42:19.200 is there has to be this level of grace when we screw up.

00:42:23.500 It's one of the most important things,

00:42:25.020 or even when we're just not our best, you know?

00:42:27.360 And I've seen it with,

00:42:28.980 there's been guys in my coaching group

00:42:30.440 that you pour into them for two years

00:42:32.100 and you make one mistake and they'll turn on you.

00:42:34.440 Yeah.

00:42:34.900 And we were like, whoa,

00:42:35.920 I was treating this like a real friendship.

00:42:37.840 Where's the grace?

00:42:38.500 There's no grace.

00:42:39.580 And you're, got it.

00:42:40.820 You're not my guy.

00:42:41.840 You're a client.

00:42:42.880 You're not a friend.

00:42:43.600 Got it.

00:42:44.000 That's a difference, right?

00:42:45.160 Some of the guys I coach are clients, some are friends.

00:42:47.820 And the difference, one of the number one things that makes a true friend is there has to be this level of grace.

00:42:53.320 When I screw up, I want you to come to me, but come to me in a way that you know my character, you know who I am, you know that I'm going to listen.

00:43:01.200 If I did screw up, I want to get it right.

00:43:03.720 And there has to be that level of understanding.

00:43:06.180 Otherwise, because you're never going to be, it's the same thing with a marriage.

00:43:09.100 I mean, you have to be with people that are willing to give you a lot of grace.

00:43:12.460 You're going to screw up as a husband.

00:43:13.460 your guinness group is a wife you're a lot yeah and if you're not with somebody that is gonna

00:43:17.500 repair properly whether it's a friendship or a you know a romantic relationship that thing's doomed

00:43:23.100 from the beginning it repair is all my best friends we've been through moments where both

00:43:27.960 of us were ready to quit on that thing you know but because we were able to talk through it and

00:43:32.280 communicate all of a sudden you get the other side of the thing and almost every single time

00:43:38.220 you both end up seeing it in a way you're like oh my gosh i'm so glad i talked about this i was

00:43:41.960 missing so much context and we just make up our mind before we have that full context and detail

00:43:47.320 this is why i talk about the importance of i call it a good sparring partner you know if i again if

00:43:53.380 i go to jiu-jitsu or boxing or you know pick your sport i want to know that the guy that i'm going

00:43:59.720 to train against or with is probably the better way to say it is somebody who's going to push me

00:44:04.880 as far as i need to go but they aren't there to beat me up either like they're actually there to

00:44:10.420 make me better one of those guys is pete roberts he founded origin usa and i spent three years

00:44:17.440 training with him and it was funny because as a white belt i would train with him and

00:44:22.140 i felt like my skill was getting better and then he promoted me to blue belt and

00:44:27.440 i rolled with him that evening and he was like 12 or 15 better and i'm like wait a second i'm like

00:44:36.380 you've been sandbagging this whole time he's like yeah dude if I just went as hard as I could I

00:44:40.380 would just demolish you that's cool and that's not a good training partner like he's a he's a

00:44:44.700 whatever degree black belt and world champion like he's incredible if he came with his full

00:44:50.960 skill set it wouldn't even be productive for me it's the same thing when I go play basketball in 0.80

00:44:57.820 my backyard with my boys like I'm not just gonna beat the shit out of them because that's just not

00:45:03.200 gonna work and they're not gonna want to come back or learn anything so yeah so so being a good

00:45:07.740 training partner like it it's it's crucial that you have people who will push you but they aren't

00:45:12.360 there to beat you up and i think the most important thing i tell guys because i'm sure a bunch of guys

00:45:17.100 are listening right now they're like yeah that'd be awesome if i had three or four or five guys in

00:45:20.380 my corner like that but where do i go it's really easy guy it's simple the gym professional outings

00:45:28.240 experiences events and church like those are the only three places so go to the gym the gym

00:45:35.020 doesn't have to be jujitsu it could be the actual gym it could be a hiking club it could be a

00:45:39.600 walking group i don't i don't care but something physical um the professional side of things is

00:45:45.780 like come to one of your events come to one of my events go to chamber of commerce go to rotary

00:45:49.480 like those are where the high producers go business network international is another one

00:45:54.960 And then church, like whatever your church is, if you're Baptist, if you're LDS, if you're Muslim, if you're whatever, like just go to church because those are the guys who are trying to elevate their spiritual life too.

00:46:06.720 It's interesting because a lot of guys are like, I don't have anybody in my life, like just my buddies from high school.

00:46:12.260 Bro, the gym, professional stuff, and church.

00:46:15.500 Well, and a big piece of it I think is you have to be willing to let go of things that aren't serving you.

00:46:19.740 Because you don't have room in your life for new people if you're hanging on to the old relationships that aren't serving you.

00:46:25.460 I know along the way, I have friends.

00:46:27.980 I had one buddy.

00:46:28.780 I love this man more.

00:46:29.980 He's such a good man, and I loved him so much, and I still do.

00:46:33.740 But he hadn't worked in about four years when we were living together.

00:46:37.660 We were roommates, and he hadn't worked in about four years, and he just had kind of fallen into this rut. 0.99

00:46:43.800 And I kept trying to call him forward, like, hey, man, it's time to get your shit going again. 0.97

00:46:48.120 And he just wasn't doing the things you need to do to be a productive person. 0.99

00:46:51.280 And where it became a problem is he started getting bitter.

00:46:54.400 So then he started offending people when we would go out.

00:46:56.960 And he was just being rude.

00:46:58.680 And I finally wrote him a letter.

00:47:00.140 And I said, I'm kicking you out.

00:47:01.520 You need to go level up in your life.

00:47:03.580 And I'm doing this as an act of love.

00:47:05.700 You might hate me today.

00:47:06.540 Eventually, you'll see this.

00:47:08.000 And I did.

00:47:08.460 I kicked him out of my house.

00:47:09.760 And to his credit, he was really mad at me at first.

00:47:14.000 We're close, close friends again now.

00:47:15.420 And he and I are getting married like a year and a half later.

00:47:17.260 and really got himself in physical shape.

00:47:19.740 He was gambling four times a week.

00:47:21.460 He was staying up until three in the morning.

00:47:23.780 He always wanted to stay up and talk with me

00:47:25.600 until I was ready to go to bed.

00:47:27.400 I can't do this.

00:47:27.900 I've got a job, but I'm going to be at eight in the morning.

00:47:30.500 I was like, I'm trying to be productive here.

00:47:33.020 And sometimes you just don't have space.

00:47:34.480 My point is I met some new friends once that relationship,

00:47:37.980 kind of we quit being close because I had space again.

00:47:42.080 And so sometimes you just got to be willing to go,

00:47:44.000 I love my high school buddies.

00:47:45.340 It's not a matter.

00:47:45.900 You're not leaving them.

00:47:46.720 you love them still but sometimes love someone enough to move on without them and then you give

00:47:51.420 them the opportunity to level up and see you if they want to but that requires them to level up

00:47:56.780 in their own life and i really believe that i think that we do a disservice to our friends if

00:48:01.280 we give them full access when they aren't really doing the things that you need to do to be a good

00:48:05.620 friend part of being a good friend is you do inspire me you do push me you do you know take 0.91

00:48:10.560 care of your own shit so that you're not a liability to the friend group right now and all 0.77

00:48:14.120 those different things well and i also think this goes back to what you were saying about having 0.99

00:48:18.360 a good woman in your life with boundaries is in my experience life goes better with romantic and

00:48:26.120 platonic relationships when i say or at least act as if i'm going this way that's where i'm going

00:48:33.760 you are welcome to come with me you i you and i will be partners we'll be companions we'll have

00:48:40.820 fun together i'll make sure you're protected like like but this is where i'm going and if you don't

00:48:46.360 want to go there you can stay but i'm not leaving you you're deciding you don't want to go with me

00:48:52.440 and i think that's where masculine leadership comes in i think a woman would appreciate that

00:48:57.280 to say hey like this is the direction of the household this is the direction of the family

00:49:02.240 and of course take her into consideration i'm not saying you don't need to but this is where

00:49:06.380 we're going and you are welcome to come with me same thing with friend groups yeah well adam lane

00:49:11.000 smith talks about this he has a really good way of saying it i think that's a little bit uh

00:49:15.580 controversial in today's world but not really he says you're the ceo your woman is the ceo

00:49:21.120 and every single decision you want her input you want her advice you want to come to her and then

00:49:26.660 you take it into consideration but then you make the decision as the ceo of the house or whatever

00:49:31.120 And you say, hey, and if they trust you, they're going to want that anyways.

00:49:35.140 And it's a 50-50 partnership, but you are the decision maker when it comes to the direction of where things go.

00:49:40.660 But after taking in all the consideration, advice, and respect of your wife or your person, and when you do that, again, and by the way, that if you're with somebody that you don't trust their advice or you don't think they have any good input, that might be your wake-up call as well.

00:49:58.100 Totally.

00:49:58.720 Oh, man, I can't trust her.

00:49:59.760 she of course wouldn't know what to do or whatever vice versa right and uh and i think that you're

00:50:04.680 right i you know i was dating somebody once and uh she came to one of my events with my with my

00:50:10.400 group and it was just a it was a big event for families and things like that and at the end of

00:50:14.760 the night she told me she said i'm not capable of stepping into the role i think you want me to be

00:50:20.140 and i you know kind of fought around a little bit i we'd only been dating a month and a half and i

00:50:24.300 i was like well what do you why do you feel that way and she said i just don't feel like i can be

00:50:29.620 a person that can help you where you seem like you're driven to go and when we got honest about

00:50:35.000 it she was right and we ended up breaking up about four months later i saw her at a party and

00:50:38.920 she wanted to get back together and it was her that had felt that but i think she just was lonely

00:50:44.660 or whatever and she wanted to get back together and then i i actually sat with it for like an hour

00:50:48.420 i was like no like she actually isn't the pro i'd seen her on her social media the last few

00:50:52.860 months after that and i was you know it kind of validated what she had said oh she's really not

00:50:57.060 a person that's fine with i know it was beautiful and right like hey you're eventually going to be

00:51:01.700 miserable with me or i'm going to be miserable with you we're just not going the same direction

00:51:04.360 and that was kind of the number one thing to go this is all good we don't you know let's not

00:51:08.800 pretend that this is going to work any other way uh so you talked about adam lane smith he's been

00:51:13.260 on the podcast a couple times and another one is orion terriban yeah he's great and so his his

00:51:19.240 lens and resonates more even than adam said about the dynamics he said that the man is the captain

00:51:26.280 of the boat and the woman is the passenger so a woman's job is to look at all the captains going

00:51:31.760 to different places and saying well that guy is going to get me there and these three guys are

00:51:35.960 telling me they'll go there but that guy looks more proficient than that guy that guy has more

00:51:40.320 capability than this guy but the captain doesn't acquiesce to the passenger so if the captain's

00:51:46.040 saying hey i'm going from point a to point z he doesn't take into consideration well i should say

00:51:52.480 it this way. He doesn't ask if the passengers want to go to point C instead. He's like, no,

00:51:57.900 we're, we're going here. You got on my boat. My job is to get you there safely and effectively,

00:52:03.980 but I'm not deviating just because you happen to think that you want to do something than the

00:52:10.500 itinerary said. And it's kind of an interest. It's. I really like it. Well, I just read his

00:52:15.740 book too. And that's in the beginning of it. Yeah. He talks about that. And I was fascinated

00:52:21.380 by the way he said it he goes into even more details of how that dynamic works and it's really

00:52:26.740 good i love that you just touched on that because you're not wrong like a good captain knows where

00:52:31.860 he's going he's hey this is where i'm headed and it's like you said a passenger goes oh i want i

00:52:36.700 want to be on that voyage i want to go on that trip you know and then they are happy knowing

00:52:41.020 their captain is knows exactly how to get to that spot and they're welcome to go on the journey with

00:52:46.260 Well, I think if men understood this, not just in the context of romantic relationships, but even professionally, whether you're a boss, a CEO, an owner, a team leader, etc., or even just an employee, the sooner that you can figure out a way to captain and navigate that ship, the more likely it is that people will follow you.

00:53:10.080 But they're not going to follow somebody they don't think can get them from point A to point B.

00:53:14.000 And then what happens is instead of in relationships, romantic, platonic, professional relationships, instead of being this like constant tug and pull, now we're just worried about alignment.

00:53:28.500 Like I'm going here.

00:53:30.220 If you want to get on this vessel with me and you want to help me get from point A to point B more effectively, then we're aligned and we're good.

00:53:38.340 but if there's a misalignment with no hard feelings i'm not angry with you there's no

00:53:43.500 contention or animosity we're just not going to the same destination go get on joe schmo's ship

00:53:48.580 he's going where you want to go and i wish you all the best well and to women's you know to point

00:53:52.800 for women they have to trust this captain is going to be good he's going to go where he says he's

00:53:56.880 going and the second you know imagine you're the woman you get on the boat and he says hey actually

00:54:00.720 i don't know where i'm going anymore or hey she's gonna jump well that's the point it's all of a 1.00

00:54:04.600 sudden you know you might be like oh these passengers are a bunch of bitches but it's like 1.00

00:54:08.240 no you promised them that you're going to this spa or you said that's where you're headed with 1.00

00:54:12.780 your life and then you're not going there and they're screaming and yelling because they don't

00:54:17.060 know if they're gonna get lost at sea now you know and so it all plays in it's really really

00:54:21.640 well said that's funny yeah and i i think also this is what orion talks about is that in this

00:54:29.240 selection process we'll just look at it from the context of romantic courting women will look and 0.97

00:54:36.780 see which captain has the most passengers which captain has the most opportunity because 1.00

00:54:43.500 she can't always do the the proper level of research on each of the captains so she's borrowing

00:54:51.300 the attention the credibility the authority that or at least perceived that he has which is why

00:54:58.220 it's so important that we just stand our ground tell people we're going and be as attractive and

00:55:04.240 capable as possible not just in romantic relationships but business too I remember

00:55:08.720 when I was starting in my financial planning practice I was like begging people to sign up

00:55:13.200 with me and I couldn't but it's weird because as soon as I started to get successful people

00:55:20.040 know I didn't even have to explain it people noticed it they're like oh well this guy's

00:55:25.320 working with my neighbor and this guy's working with these people and this guy i guess i better

00:55:29.460 work with him too and it becomes that social credibility yeah i've studied attraction one

00:55:34.920 time and the guy said he said one of the most important things to attract a woman is pre-selection

00:55:38.680 right they don't have the time to right vet every guy way too many guys so they're going to assume 0.99

00:55:43.760 if you're around other high value women that they've done a lot of that vetting for you or

00:55:47.760 if you have very successful friends around you or you just have a life that's working in a lot of 0.71

00:55:53.540 ways that's how they pre-vet you know a guy to to make sure that he's it's the right boat to get on

00:56:00.600 and this is why it's so important for men to build out a good band of brothers to build out like i

00:56:05.520 said church the gym and um business opportunities because he's going to put those himself in those

00:56:13.240 situations so two things will happen number one you'll create more opportunities because you're

00:56:18.360 around higher players. Number two is you'll create more opportunities because people will

00:56:23.240 rightly or wrongly perceive you as being a man of value, hopefully rightly.

00:56:27.820 Yeah. Well, that whole thing where people talk about, you know, you're going to have the net

00:56:30.320 worth of the five people you spend the most time around. It's so true. And I see this over and 0.93

00:56:34.620 over again. I just had something that happened this last week. I used to be very close friends

00:56:40.860 with Dave Bateman. He was the founder of Entrada Software, multi-billionaire now. And we were

00:56:46.160 really tight. He put me on his board at Entrada. Well, because of that opportunity, I got a chance

00:56:49.960 to buy some stock. The company's IPO-ing in the summer, and it's going to bring me in multiple

00:56:54.720 seven figures. It's going to be an amazing payout. And I only got the opportunity because I was

00:56:59.820 friends with the guy that owned the company, and we became really close friends. But that's why

00:57:05.740 when people say, like, how does it work? How am I going to make more money by being around

00:57:09.640 more successful men? They don't really get it, and it's always different. A different opportunity

00:57:14.180 is over here i got another buddy who's making multiple six figures a month in his job now and

00:57:19.620 he got the opportunity from a buddy that he met through me i used to date the guy's sister you

00:57:24.320 know what i mean and they met at one of my parties and became friends and that's where that opportunity

00:57:28.440 you just by being around me he happened to get that connection so you never know where it's

00:57:32.040 going to come from but you truly are going to end up having the net worth of you know it's going to

00:57:37.340 be based on the five people you spend the most time around and usually health is the same way

00:57:41.400 I mean, go hang out with four dudes that are shredded.

00:57:44.260 And guess what?

00:57:44.820 You're going to be the fifth. 0.96

00:57:46.120 But you go hang out with five fat dudes, you're going to be the sixth. 0.92

00:57:49.260 Yeah. 0.95

00:57:49.600 Yeah.

00:57:49.820 Like last night we were ordering food and a couple of the guys wanted pizza.

00:57:54.080 And I'll be honest, it was my choice what we were eating.

00:57:56.380 And I'm on a health.

00:57:57.640 I've been really changing my health the last six months.

00:57:59.640 So I ordered in grilled chicken and steak.

00:58:02.760 Okay.

00:58:03.120 And so we ended up having salad.

00:58:04.700 We ended up having a really healthy meal.

00:58:06.160 I bought the snacks for the trip. 0.98

00:58:07.540 So instead of having a bunch of bullshit, we had Greek yogurt. 0.98

00:58:10.720 we had fruit, we had vegetables, we had healthy food and we had beef jerky. And so when you hang 0.99

00:58:16.440 out with healthy people or wealthy people or whatever, even it works the same way with

00:58:21.020 spirituality, right? Like if you're hanging out with four dudes that are pretty close with their

00:58:24.640 relation with God, you'll probably become the fifth. But if you're hanging out with a bunch

00:58:27.700 of dudes that are pissed at God or don't believe in it or whatever else, well, there's a good

00:58:31.320 chance your decisions are going to start to be the same. Which is interesting because then you

00:58:35.420 can just decide well what do i want um i want to be fit okay where the fit people hang out right at

00:58:41.840 the gym right i want to be close to god where do godly people hang out at church i want to be

00:58:47.760 financially successful where do they hang out business conferences like it's not i it was funny

00:58:53.780 i was at the heart the local hardware store uh yesterday and i saw this dude and i'm like that

00:58:59.900 like he's a young guy he had some style he looked good i could tell he was fit he was a good looking

00:59:04.560 dude. I'm like, oh, that guy's a sharp looking guy. Like I'm kind of curious about this guy's

00:59:07.780 story. And, um, I went to the cash to the cashier to check out and I saw him walk up to what I

00:59:16.980 assume is either his girlfriend or his, his, his wife and his in-laws and she's attractive and 0.94

00:59:25.740 she's fit and she's got style. And I remember thinking that tracks, that tracks that guy and

00:59:33.080 that girl belonged together i could see it you know and you see other couples that maybe aren't

00:59:37.360 as exemplary of the way we ought to hold our standards to and you think okay that tracks to

00:59:43.280 me too people find each other so but what's cool about that is if you just want to change

00:59:48.680 an aspect of your life just go where the people are doing what you want to be doing it's as simple

00:59:56.860 as that i tell people guys in my program so look guys you have to be very self-aware of where you're

01:00:00.420 at and then you have to be very clear on where you want to be who is where you want to be that

01:00:05.980 used to be where you're at and then you try to just act as if you're that person right act as

01:00:10.640 if you're the person you want to be because what happens is and it's not fake be that person it's

01:00:14.900 act how that person would act have a morning and a night routine how that person would have it

01:00:19.460 work the hours that person would work not maybe currently but however they got there get to that

01:00:24.200 point yeah if you want to act if you want to look like that or be like that or have a job like that

01:00:29.340 act like that person right what who do you need to be to have that and it just starts to close

01:00:34.320 that gap until you become that i think where a lot of guys get hung up though is they will put

01:00:39.460 themselves in the environment but they won't insert themselves into the environment and so

01:00:43.940 what i mean by that is they'll be in proximity but they won't actually be involved totally so

01:00:49.320 that's really well said by the way like if you're at the gym for example and you see a fit guy i

01:00:55.340 I mean, the odds are if you go in at, let's say 6 a.m. Monday through Friday, 80 plus

01:00:59.960 percent of the same people will be there every week, every day, every week.

01:01:03.500 And you see that one guy and he's fit.

01:01:05.180 You're like, man, I don't look like that guy.

01:01:07.120 Just go talk to him.

01:01:08.480 Just say, hey, bro, like you look like you got a great physique.

01:01:10.640 I'm trying to build out something to the way you look.

01:01:13.780 You got any pointers for me?

01:01:16.060 I've done that an infinite number of times at this point.

01:01:19.300 So many, I can't even count. 1.00

01:01:20.960 And I've never once had somebody say, fuck off, bro. 1.00

01:01:25.340 It's true. 1.00

01:01:25.900 They're all like, yeah, here, I got some pointers here.

01:01:29.020 Do this, do this, do this.

01:01:30.000 A lot of them will come spot me.

01:01:31.240 A lot of them will work out with me in following days.

01:01:33.940 They'll be like, hey, I noticed your forum.

01:01:35.480 Tweak this, adjust this.

01:01:37.080 I've never had anybody.

01:01:38.740 Same thing in business.

01:01:39.720 I go to a business conference.

01:01:41.700 Then I'm like, hey, you're actually doing something I want to be doing.

01:01:44.380 I'm curious about the technology that you're using.

01:01:46.720 I've never had somebody say, I'm not sharing that with you.

01:01:49.260 I'll even have guys sign up for my coaching program.

01:01:51.220 And I offer them part of my coaching program is they get once a month,

01:01:53.820 they get a one-on-one with me.

01:01:55.340 They can use it once a month, whenever they want.

01:01:57.100 And half the guys will use it, half won't some months, right?

01:02:01.280 They've inserted themselves into the world,

01:02:03.040 but they're not truly invested in making the change.

01:02:05.360 There's guys that are realtors.

01:02:06.440 I was the number one realtor in Utah for a decade, basically.

01:02:08.620 A top realtor in the country.

01:02:11.300 And I got realtors in my group that have not sat me down and said,

01:02:14.920 how can I help my realtor business get better?

01:02:17.460 And the guys that do, there's the one guy doing it.

01:02:20.180 He's going to be the number one realtor in Utah this year.

01:02:21.880 He copied my system word for word.

01:02:23.620 That's it.

01:02:23.960 And he's literally going to be the number one agent.

01:02:25.240 this guy cooper and it's so funny i i'm looking at these agents and they're all struggling and

01:02:29.980 figuring out what they're going to do and i'm thinking guys i'm not going to call you and tell

01:02:34.460 you to do it you need to call me but what are you doing you've inserted yourself in the place but

01:02:38.620 you haven't truly invested in making those changes doing those things i think part of them's afraid

01:02:42.980 of what i'm going to tell them they need to do to be successful and so that's a good point easier

01:02:46.080 not to call me and do it you know and that's a good point it is it is interesting it's like just

01:02:51.580 do that i there's also a level of stubbornness like sometimes for me my own personality is like

01:02:59.120 i'd rather reinvent the wheel than do it somebody else's way it's so dumb though right this whole 0.96

01:03:04.140 like lone wolf thing it's totally dumb yeah and look you got you don't need to take advice from 0.96

01:03:08.740 100 people but you know call up the guy that's already made it and go hey here's something i

01:03:13.520 want to bounce off you what do you think about this you know and one of my favorite things one

01:03:16.740 of my basically requirements for being a close friend of mine is you got to be kind of smart 1.00

01:03:20.440 I just can't be around stupid people 0.99

01:03:22.420 I have 1.00

01:03:22.820 well I have to trust you in two ways

01:03:25.080 and there's trust as in like

01:03:26.400 you would never hurt me on purpose

01:03:27.820 trust that you're loyal

01:03:29.200 you have my back

01:03:30.000 you know I can just trust you

01:03:31.220 I can trust you in a room with my woman 0.86

01:03:32.400 and I wouldn't have to worry about what was going on

01:03:33.960 and then there's trust

01:03:35.400 that's like confidence

01:03:36.800 I have one buddy

01:03:38.200 I love this guy

01:03:39.040 but I can't hang out with him

01:03:39.940 because he

01:03:40.820 this dude loves me

01:03:42.420 he would never purposefully hurt me

01:03:44.280 but every time I'm around him

01:03:46.100 something goes wrong

01:03:47.120 because he doesn't understand

01:03:49.100 and the problem with people that don't get it

01:03:50.360 is they don't get that they don't get it, right?

01:03:51.920 And so you spend time with him

01:03:52.880 and you end up causing huge problems in your life.

01:03:55.160 And I love him, but I cannot be around him

01:03:57.040 because he doesn't have a competency level

01:03:59.580 that just causes me too big of issues.

01:04:02.720 And it's not fair to the other people in my life

01:04:04.320 to have him around.

01:04:05.560 Well, and I think this is where a lot of guys will get,

01:04:07.660 especially from a spiritual background,

01:04:09.640 it's like, well, who are we to judge?

01:04:10.920 I'm not telling you to judge.

01:04:12.380 The term I use is discernment, right?

01:04:14.760 Like, I don't think less of you is a human soul.

01:04:18.320 No, but you don't get my time and energy.

01:04:20.740 But I'm not going to spend time with you.

01:04:21.780 So I think that's the difference between judgment to me is more of a moral,

01:04:27.440 like I'm more morally virtuous than him.

01:04:30.980 Right.

01:04:31.700 And discernment is, am I safe?

01:04:35.000 Am I growing?

01:04:36.180 Is this a person who I can partner with?

01:04:39.300 That's not judgment.

01:04:40.420 That's just exercising good discernment.

01:04:41.880 Yeah.

01:04:42.280 I was joking around with some of the guys yesterday.

01:04:44.200 I said, dude, I said, you have to have pattern recognition.

01:04:47.900 Yeah, we were talking about that earlier.

01:04:49.260 Well, and I'm not racist at all.

01:04:51.480 I really am not racist at all. 1.00

01:04:53.560 But I don't like ghetto people from any background. 1.00

01:04:56.640 I don't like being around ghetto white people. 1.00

01:04:58.580 I don't like being around ghetto black people. 1.00

01:05:00.160 I don't like being around ghetto Latino people. 1.00

01:05:02.360 Because every time I'm around them, I have discerned the pattern that problems arise in my life. 1.00

01:05:07.540 And so it's, you know, I can say and not feel bad about saying it.

01:05:11.700 I don't even care if it's politically correct. 1.00

01:05:13.360 But it's like, I don't want to be around anybody that's ghetto. 1.00

01:05:15.320 Sorry, I've lived a life in a way 1.00

01:05:16.840 where I try to be around as few people

01:05:18.420 that are ghetto that I can be in all capacities. 1.00

01:05:21.380 And that means I'm gonna spend less time

01:05:23.620 with certain people.

01:05:24.300 And now that doesn't mean I'm racist or judging them.

01:05:27.640 I'm not judging them.

01:05:28.620 I just don't wanna be around you.

01:05:30.540 I've just discerned that I can recognize

01:05:33.180 that things go worse when I'm around those people.

01:05:35.360 Right, I wish more people would just,

01:05:38.000 more men would just give themselves permission

01:05:39.800 to exercise some discernment. 0.99

01:05:42.080 Okay, look, that guy that you went to high school with 25 years ago, who's still a loser, is making you more of a loser. 0.99

01:05:51.180 You can love him. 0.97

01:05:52.300 You can want the best for him.

01:05:53.520 You can wish him the best.

01:05:54.580 You can think fondly of him.

01:05:55.740 You can even invite him into your inner circle if he's going to behave appropriately.

01:06:01.600 But I'm not interested in building a life to something like this person.

01:06:05.140 No, and I've just been burned by so many people, too, that I was trying to help.

01:06:08.620 you know i have a little bit or hopefully not as bad as it was but that i can help him i'm jimmy

01:06:14.860 rex i have that savior complex a little bit you know and i'm in my heart i want to help that's

01:06:18.940 why i'm a coach right yeah but i've recognized that i can look at every person that's ever 0.89

01:06:24.300 caused me major problems in my life and it was somebody that was just kind of ghetto that i

01:06:29.160 tried to help yeah you know and i i got this one dude that we used to be really close friends and 0.94

01:06:34.020 i thought he was dying he told me he was dying he had this heart thing and i spent for two years i

01:06:39.280 went and visited him a 45 minute drive twice a week like i we bought a huge collection of baseball

01:06:44.820 cards together because it was the one thing he could do that he really loved and it was something

01:06:48.820 we were going to leave together you know like when he died i was going to have it and i i probably

01:06:53.280 spent 150 000 on baseball cards in two years with this guy like we had a killer collection i had

01:06:58.900 the the collection today is probably worth a half a million because i know i had a bunch of

01:07:02.180 shohei otani rookies and nice ones and things like that that are worth a lot of money now

01:07:05.760 well this dude ended up finding out what the whole thing was a lie and he ended up

01:07:11.540 pawning all of our cards he told me he got robbed and so that's and so i lost all these cards and 0.94

01:07:17.140 it was i didn't care about the money it was i mean i did because it was like just stupid but 0.94

01:07:20.940 it was more like every part of every instinct looking back this dude never should have been 0.77

01:07:26.280 in my life there wasn't a single thing he was adding to my life other than i felt bad for him

01:07:30.640 yeah and at the end of the day i had to kind of check myself and go why did i do that what part

01:07:35.960 of me you know it was because he played on my good heart but there was another piece to it that

01:07:40.380 was wait jimmy you teach people don't let people like that in your life don't let people take

01:07:44.620 advantage of you all these things you know and i just missed it and it was it was kind of the last

01:07:49.520 straw for me trying to allow people like that in my world i'm just not gonna do it anymore yeah i

01:07:54.700 don't need to well i think there's so he betrayed you right clearly yeah and there's there's people

01:07:59.640 who do where they betray you but the greater risk is betraying yourself yeah right and that's that

01:08:04.860 goes back to what we were talking about with boundaries when you have a boundary but you

01:08:09.500 don't communicate it because you're worried your wife might be upset or your business partner might

01:08:14.380 be frustrated or fill in the blank it's not the betrayal that they might present is significantly

01:08:21.300 less than the fact that you are betraying yourself when you have a standard and you don't uphold it

01:08:27.080 When you have a boundary, you don't communicate it.

01:08:30.480 And I'm just not willing to betray myself anymore.

01:08:34.400 Yeah, I think that's the same thing.

01:08:35.700 And you also see, okay, well, me wanting to be empathetic and help that person,

01:08:40.500 he tried to scam a few of my other friends, too.

01:08:42.840 Now, all of a sudden, I've become a liability to my friends

01:08:45.160 because of my empathy over here.

01:08:48.340 And so then you go, hold on, what is the higher?

01:08:50.360 So it's not just because Jimmy doesn't want to be around people 0.92

01:08:53.200 that are ghetto or whatever you want to say. 1.00

01:08:55.160 It's like, no, I have a standard now that my friends know Jimmy will never let that happen again.

01:09:00.980 If Jimmy brings someone around, we can trust that that person's been vetted to be there, essentially, going back to that whole process.

01:09:08.200 Well, brother, I appreciate the conversation.

01:09:10.400 I know we've been wanting to work this out for a while, and I know you've got some plans with some guys today.

01:09:14.500 You guys are going golfing and all of that, and Southern Utah is amazing.

01:09:17.600 How was the lake yesterday, buddy?

01:09:18.660 That was awesome, dude.

01:09:19.580 Yeah, I have a buddy.

01:09:20.380 This is kind of cool.

01:09:21.120 I was going to tow my boat down and I have a buddy down here and I just called him and said,

01:09:25.200 Hey, do you want to go boating? It's always better to have a friend. I was like, I'll pay you to

01:09:29.800 bring the boat out. Just save me the hassle. And he's like, dude, I'd love to. So he ended up

01:09:33.440 joining us. It was awesome. And I'd have to tow the boat down. And yeah, so we're going to go

01:09:36.420 hit Black Desert. Have you hit the sand dunes yet? No, I didn't. Is it just out? Oh, it's this way.

01:09:41.960 We didn't do those on this trip. I don't love ATVs. I've been in a couple of bad wrecks and it

01:09:46.920 gives me a little bit of anxiety and so it's my own thing but when i was younger we'd go out there

01:09:51.360 and it's it's if you haven't been in in these sand hollow sand dunes i mean it's it's amazing

01:09:57.600 yeah for sure and it's like mars it's all red dirt and sand and it like a lot of the things

01:10:04.640 that you do almost feel like they defy gravity it's that's cool freaking wild i'll have to do

01:10:08.780 it next time i'm down here well yeah thank you again man really love what you're doing and

01:10:11.880 it's cool it's it's we live in a world where men it's they want to find voices of people they you

01:10:18.620 know can help them improve their lives and it's what i've really dedicated myself to try and do

01:10:22.160 and i know you have as well so i just it's awesome to sit down and yeah appreciate you yeah we'll

01:10:26.320 run it back when i'm up there and you're a little bit of my guinea pig with some of our our equipment

01:10:31.400 in our cameras so it's funny that we can be doing this for as long as we are and we're opening new

01:10:36.800 packages of mics today we're trying to figure out like i don't even know if this one's part of the

01:10:40.820 hustle of it all, dude. It's cool. It's, you know, it's, it's just part of it. So many people

01:10:46.580 won't do anything if it's not perfect. Yes. And this is an example of like, this was a great

01:10:50.800 podcast. It was fun to chop it up and we would have never done it if it needed to be perfect.

01:10:53.840 Cause we're sitting in this Airbnb an hour past when we're supposed to be here, the maid sitting

01:10:58.460 there staring at us while we're doing our podcast. But at the end of the day, you know, it didn't

01:11:02.500 have to be perfect. It's just getting it done is the key a lot of times. That's why I want to have

01:11:06.600 be out to my podcast studio, which is at my house next time. Um, I didn't have the equipment exactly

01:11:12.120 set up. I'm like, nah, we better do it somewhere else, but next time it's going to look awesome.

01:11:15.780 And that's what I want guys to know is like exactly what you said. It doesn't have to be

01:11:19.640 perfect. You just have to start and be willing for it to be imperfect to get to that level of

01:11:26.020 perfection. So, well, thanks again, man. It was fun. I brother appreciate you. All right. You too.

01:11:31.020 Gentlemen, there you go. My conversation with the one and only Jimmy Rex. I hope you enjoyed it.

01:11:34.880 i hope you got some value from it i love doing these in-person podcasts i'm gonna do a lot more

01:11:39.900 i just invested thousands of dollars into some new camera equipment new audio equipment so that

01:11:46.980 we can start bringing you these conversations live in person a lot more dynamic just better

01:11:54.500 i think so be on the lookout for my new studio including all the new equipment make sure you

01:11:59.620 subscribe leave us a rating and review connect with jimmy on the socials and then just if you

01:12:03.860 would, just one quick ask, just take a screenshot right now or hit the share button on this podcast

01:12:09.120 and share it with one other man, your brother, your father, your colleague, your coworker,

01:12:15.160 your cousin, whoever, one other guy, share it with them. Let them know what you're listening to

01:12:20.040 and where you're getting all of this great information. That might be a stretch.

01:12:24.560 Anyways, guys, we will be back tomorrow for our Ask Me Anything. Until then, go out there,

01:12:28.680 take action and become the man you are meant to be.

01:12:31.420 thank you for listening to the order of man podcast you're ready to take charge of your life

01:12:36.260 and be more of the man you were meant to be we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com

Order of Man - June 02, 2026

JIMMY REX ｜ The Brotherhood Blueprint： How to Find, Build, and Keep Real Male Friendships

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