Order of Man - February 21, 2023


JOSHUA BROOME ｜ From Pornstar to Patriarch

Topics
clear consent legislation pornography venom towards the industry pornography addiction radical obedience past failures and learning unmentionable podcast.com protect act
Hosted by
Ryan Michler
Guests
JOSHUA BROOME
Mentioned
Mark Warren Farrell Heidi Olson Lee Shelton Bert Soren Joe Reeves McKinney Sorenex Vegas Dude
This is How I Got Sober ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES Reclaiming Power in Marriage, How to Journal Effectively, and Measuring Productivity ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 22 minutes

Words per minute

175.25

Word count

14,504

Sentence count

1,003

Harmful content

Misogyny

12

sentences flagged

Toxicity

28

sentences flagged

Hate speech

10

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Pornography is something that negatively impacts millions of men on a daily basis, and yet, so few of us know what really goes on behind the scenes of the adult entertainment industry. We hear whisperings of the shadiness and degeneracy, but it continues to permeate just about every facet of society. My guest today is Joshua Broom, a former male porn star and even named Porn Star of the Year. He spent six years in the industry before fleeing to find himself, warning others about the dangers of pornography and the message of Christ.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.400 Pornography is something that negatively impacts millions of men on a daily basis.
00:00:06.140 And yet so few of us know what really goes on behind the scenes of the adult entertainment
00:00:10.640 industry.
00:00:11.380 We hear whisperings of the shadiness and degeneracy, but it continues to permeate just about every
00:00:17.680 fabric of society.
00:00:19.260 My guest today is Joshua Broom.
00:00:21.280 He's a former adult film star and even named porn star of the year.
00:00:25.620 He spent six years in the industry before fleeing to find himself.
00:00:30.000 Warn others about the dangers of pornography and also the message of Christ.
00:00:34.500 Today we talk about the manipulation that takes place in the porn industry, overcoming the
00:00:39.520 tremendous guilt from poor decisions, how obedience and discipline create freedom, owning your
00:00:45.480 past, lust versus love, and eliminating contaminants from our lives.
00:00:50.640 You're a man of action.
00:00:52.040 You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly charge your own path.
00:00:56.160 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
00:01:00.820 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.
00:01:05.780 This is your life.
00:01:06.880 This is who you are.
00:01:08.300 This is who you will become.
00:01:10.000 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:01:15.200 Gentlemen, what is going on today?
00:01:16.660 My name is Ryan Mickler.
00:01:17.980 I'm your host and the Order of Man founder.
00:01:20.900 I am glad that you're here.
00:01:22.920 Guys, I really hope this conversation blows up because it is one that needs to be had more
00:01:29.940 often, and I know the conversation of pornography is on a lot of men's minds.
00:01:35.200 Obviously, a lot of men engage in pornography, and a lot of us are working to overcome the temptations
00:01:41.560 and addictions that come with viewing pornography.
00:01:45.140 So, this one's a big one, and I only have one ask for you today.
00:01:49.880 Please, if you would, share this episode.
00:01:52.940 Share it on social media, on Instagram, on Twitter, on Facebook, wherever you spend your
00:01:58.680 social media time.
00:02:00.080 Just hit the share button on your podcast player right now and send a text to somebody.
00:02:05.560 Let them know what you're listening to because I'm telling you what, whether you realize it
00:02:09.580 or not, a lot of the men, probably most of the men in your lives are dealing with this
00:02:16.340 addiction to some degree, and we really need to get a handle on it.
00:02:20.240 And that's why I'm so excited to have my guest here, Joshua Broom.
00:02:23.220 I'll get to the introduction in just a minute.
00:02:25.960 Now, if you are new to what we're doing here at Order of Man, this is a podcast and a movement
00:02:30.380 dedicated to helping you become a better man.
00:02:32.740 So, breaking free from addiction, whether it's substance abuse or, in this case, pornography,
00:02:37.860 but also learning the skills and the frameworks and the mindsets that we need as men to thrive
00:02:43.020 as husbands and fathers and business owners and leaders in our community.
00:02:47.520 And we're doing just that via this podcast and our events that we have and our exclusive
00:02:52.480 brotherhood, the Iron Council.
00:02:54.200 So, I'm glad you're here, regardless of how long you've been here with us.
00:02:57.520 Let me introduce you to my guest today.
00:02:59.020 Again, his name is Joshua Broom. 0.79
00:03:00.460 He's a former male porn star.
00:03:03.280 He spent six years in the industry doing over 1,000 films since leaving due to the degeneracy
00:03:10.160 and the dangers of the pornography industry.
00:03:13.500 He's since gone on to become a very outspoken advocate against pornography and the destructive
00:03:19.120 role that it plays in people's lives.
00:03:22.140 He's also a pastor, and he openly and honestly shares his path of restoration and redemption
00:03:27.080 through the gospel.
00:03:28.100 He's also a public speaker, taking the stage to share his own personal battles with depression,
00:03:36.540 suicidal thoughts, and overcoming emotional scars.
00:03:40.800 Gentlemen, I hope that not only do you enjoy this conversation, but that you get something
00:03:45.080 out of it that will help you or another man that you have his back.
00:03:49.680 All right, guys, let's get to it.
00:03:50.680 Joshua, what's up, man?
00:03:53.580 Thanks for joining me on the podcast.
00:03:55.500 Dude, I am so glad that we finally figured this out.
00:04:00.560 Most of us have a little bit crazy schedules and just moved to Dallas.
00:04:06.620 Oh, you did?
00:04:07.540 Texas.
00:04:07.920 I'm a Texan now.
00:04:09.720 Yeah.
00:04:10.500 You're from North Carolina.
00:04:11.840 Is that right?
00:04:12.700 So I was born in North Carolina.
00:04:14.200 I grew up in South Carolina.
00:04:15.820 Yeah.
00:04:15.960 Okay, got it.
00:04:16.780 Yeah, I just got back from South Carolina.
00:04:18.660 We were doing Sorenex's Winter Strong.
00:04:21.040 Do you know Sorenex, the exercise company?
00:04:23.560 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:04:24.260 That's sick.
00:04:25.560 Yeah, Bert Soren's a good friend of mine.
00:04:27.580 So we actually were down there last week, and then we go later in March because my son,
00:04:32.700 my oldest son, qualified for nationals powerlifting.
00:04:35.460 So we're going back down there for his powerlifting meet.
00:04:38.600 So yeah.
00:04:39.620 That's sick.
00:04:41.120 That's sick. 0.86
00:04:41.600 So what are some of his numbers?
00:04:46.420 So he's 14.
00:04:47.900 He thinks he's going to squat around 330 to 40 pounds.
00:04:54.200 He'll probably deadlift right around that weight.
00:04:57.220 And then I think on bench press, which he admittedly is his weakest lift of the three,
00:05:02.440 will probably be somewhere around 135, I would imagine, somewhere right in there.
00:05:08.180 So I mean, if 14, that's pretty legit.
00:05:11.260 Yeah, man.
00:05:11.980 He's got some legs like tree trunks and a caboose, and he can lift the weights with his legs.
00:05:21.100 So we got to bump up those numbers on the bench, though.
00:05:23.300 That's awesome.
00:05:24.400 That's awesome.
00:05:25.840 Look, I was excited to talk with you because I know your story somewhat, and I'm really anxious
00:05:31.500 for you to share it, but the whole pornography industry is something that impacts hundreds
00:05:40.980 of millions of men, and it's something that hasn't really, I don't think, really been discussed
00:05:47.440 up until relatively recently.
00:05:49.160 And maybe that's because I'm immersed in it.
00:05:51.600 I'm making sure that we're getting information for not only myself, but the rest of the guys,
00:05:55.080 and I see it more, do you see there being a real push, maybe more so than in the past,
00:06:01.340 against pornography and the industry in general?
00:06:05.840 I think what's happening is you're really seeing how destructive it actually is.
00:06:12.860 And it's almost like you're naive to it until you understand how demonstrative and how destructive
00:06:19.720 it is, you're seeing numbers like the average age of exposure to pornography is 11 years
00:06:26.440 old, 56% of divorces, they have some kind of aspect of pornography addiction.
00:06:35.800 You see, there was a prison documentary that I saw on Netflix.
00:06:41.060 There were 84% of the prisoners who were convicted of rape.
00:06:45.780 So 84% were convicted of rape, and they asked why.
00:06:48.260 They're like, well, in our culture, men are more valuable than women, and sex is something 1.00
00:06:56.400 that a man is owed.
00:06:57.760 So in our culture, it makes sense just to take it.
00:07:00.720 But that is what pornography advocates as reality.
00:07:05.420 And when you paint that reality, and people are addicted to it and watching it in astronomical
00:07:09.740 numbers, like the pornography industry just eclipsed 100 billion with a B earnings last year.
00:07:17.140 So you're seeing all those numbers, and those numbers being driven by viewership, because
00:07:21.740 people aren't paying for porn, it's free, but in reality, they're the product, because
00:07:26.440 your eyes are the ones that are paying the bills.
00:07:30.740 You're seeing that.
00:07:31.840 So I would say it would be a combination of people didn't know how to talk about it, and
00:07:37.340 everyone was like, this is just a personal issue or a private pastime that's not a big deal.
00:07:44.500 And now you're seeing it impact tons of children, tons of marriages, and impact culture in a
00:07:52.580 way where it's very closely tied to sex trafficking, rape culture, and many other things.
00:08:01.400 Yeah, it is pretty interesting.
00:08:02.960 And it's always interesting to hear from quite a few men who still are on the side of, you
00:08:08.060 know, it's not a problem, if I view pornography, or these are men and women who voluntarily
00:08:15.780 decide to do these things.
00:08:18.080 So that's on them.
00:08:19.040 Yeah, which is something I would love to talk about as well.
00:08:21.800 I actually do want to talk about that, because one of the things, let's talk about that,
00:08:25.620 and then I want to rewind a little bit and go back to the beginning.
00:08:28.420 But since we're on the subject, you know, I've also heard that there's a lot of manipulation
00:08:36.780 and coercion, and maybe not force, I'm sure there's that as well.
00:08:42.840 But there's probably a lot of, we'll call it shady practices behind getting porn stars
00:08:48.460 to perform on screen.
00:08:51.040 Yeah, I mean, it's so much darker than that.
00:08:53.660 So I would say, like, manipulation doesn't exist, it's par for the course.
00:08:57.540 Like, correlation doesn't just exist, it's par for the course.
00:09:01.240 Because, like, there's legislation that I'm advocating for with the White House.
00:09:06.820 So I'm on a task force that's around developing legislation that's going to implement, you know,
00:09:15.580 clear consent when it comes to anything that's produced in this capacity.
00:09:20.400 There being a legitimate barrier.
00:09:23.060 So you have to be 18 years old and provide government-issued ID to get on to any site
00:09:28.880 that has some specific content.
00:09:30.100 When you say clear consent, you're meaning by the viewer?
00:09:34.340 Is that what you're saying?
00:09:35.260 No, no, no.
00:09:35.740 So the person that's participating in, because historically, here's what happened to me,
00:09:40.520 and this is just par for the course.
00:09:43.080 You go to set, you sign a W-9, because you're an independent contractor.
00:09:47.920 It's like, no one's, like, getting royalties.
00:09:50.140 That doesn't exist.
00:09:50.940 So a person, you sign an independent contract, you're being paid a day rate for, who knows?
00:09:58.200 You don't know what you're doing.
00:09:59.740 And then because you are a sex worker, it's just like if there's a camera and you're getting
00:10:05.100 paid, anything is fair game.
00:10:07.840 So your no doesn't carry any weight.
00:10:10.940 So your no, it's just like your no means not yet or how much, like your no is not valued.
00:10:19.800 So you go to set and, you know, you walk on the set, director's like, okay, here's the
00:10:25.560 scenario, whatever you're going to do.
00:10:26.980 And then it happens.
00:10:27.980 And then after it happens, they say, hey, put your clothes back on.
00:10:33.040 Don't look disheveled.
00:10:34.480 And then we're going to film this video of you giving consent to what you've already done.
00:10:40.620 But you do, you make a video saying I give consent for, I give, I give consent for X, Y, and Z.
00:10:47.360 But, but it's already happened.
00:10:49.300 But they, after the fact, yeah, but the re, but they, they, they submit the content, the
00:10:56.120 content as if you'd filmed it prior to.
00:11:01.460 Got it.
00:11:02.160 So there's no, I'm curious if like, there's no sort of disclosure or, you know, when you
00:11:09.260 sign that W-2 or that contract that says, you know, you willingly agree to this, that's
00:11:13.400 not taking place as you go into these scenes.
00:11:16.800 Absolutely not.
00:11:17.640 Oh, that's crazy.
00:11:19.680 I would have, I would have never imagined, not only from a protection from the, the, uh, 0.59
00:11:25.800 the person performing, but also a liability factor.
00:11:29.820 And I'm, I'm not trying to pretend like I'm on the side of, you know, these companies,
00:11:34.600 but there's gotta be a liability factor in that.
00:11:37.000 I would think have, have there been lawsuits against these companies that have, that people
00:11:42.620 have said they've manipulated them or coerced them?
00:11:44.820 Um, yeah, I mean, after the fact, maybe, but the thing is, it's like, uh, people are, are
00:11:53.680 like on a legislative basis.
00:11:56.580 Like people are protecting free speech over people.
00:12:00.440 Right.
00:12:00.960 And like, like, like, for example, like you were asking about consent.
00:12:05.940 Well, I was at, um, I spoke at Capitol Hill in July and I was there with a young lady who,
00:12:12.520 um, she went on a date with someone.
00:12:14.600 They went to, uh, they went to Vegas.
00:12:18.020 Well, she was dating someone.
00:12:19.440 They went to Vegas for a weekend.
00:12:20.760 They're going to hang out, go out to eat, go to a club, a few clubs, whatever. 0.84
00:12:24.300 And they get there and he drugs her and videotapes himself raping her and then, and then invites 0.71
00:12:31.340 other men into the room. 1.00
00:12:32.880 They rape her. 0.98
00:12:33.960 He puts this content on Pornhub. 1.00
00:12:36.300 Okay.
00:12:37.260 This content stays on there.
00:12:39.340 Um, he ends up getting convicted of both rape and, uh, uh, sexual extortion.
00:12:46.400 He gets charged.
00:12:48.120 And then she says she's trying to get this content taken down off of specifically off Google off.
00:12:55.200 There's like tons of like Google imagery and Google says there's not clear consent.
00:13:00.360 There's not clear evidence that consent was not given.
00:13:04.120 Or even though he's already been convicted.
00:13:06.980 Yes.
00:13:07.380 Yeah.
00:13:07.700 So there's not clear evidence of this imagery depicting, um, coercion.
00:13:12.920 So we're not taking it down.
00:13:15.940 So, and that's not an example of things that happen.
00:13:20.440 Like that's not like one example.
00:13:22.560 It's, it's thousands of examples.
00:13:24.460 So a few months ago, Pornhub took down about 80% of their content because either there wasn't
00:13:32.080 clear consent given there wasn't documented consent, there was 600 cases of child pornography
00:13:38.020 and there was 400 cases of rape or incest that was happening on the site.
00:13:43.060 And there was no documentation of any, anyone signing anything for it.
00:13:48.360 So there, there was no, um, you know, the, the people who were on the films, there was
00:13:52.880 no documentation of consent.
00:13:54.380 They just had this content and they slapped it up there.
00:13:57.400 And the way that these sites, they work just like YouTube, like, you know, a creator puts
00:14:02.800 a video up and it gets a lot of views in the, that viewership is monetized and people run
00:14:08.080 ads on, on that video.
00:14:10.600 And that's how that industry makes money. 0.95
00:14:13.120 The, you know, whoever is distributing the content, they get a portion of that creator's,
00:14:19.180 uh, money that he's making through that monetization, through the viewership.
00:14:22.400 In addition to that, whatever ads that are being ran, they get a cut of that as well.
00:14:27.040 And that's how they make money.
00:14:28.180 And in all the while, every person that is visiting the site, they're selling, uh, their
00:14:34.900 information.
00:14:35.380 So traffic junkie, they're selling their information to traffic junkie and traffic junkie is taking
00:14:40.240 your info and they're selling it to Facebook, Google, so on and so on.
00:14:44.420 So, um, yeah, it's, it's wicked, man.
00:14:48.540 It's, it's dark.
00:14:50.300 Yeah.
00:14:50.440 I know from, and we'll get into this, but I know from a moral perspective, I, I guess
00:14:54.900 I'm assuming, and we'll get into this, that you're against pornography and sexual immorality,
00:15:00.260 uh, from, from a moral perspective.
00:15:03.760 What about from when you talk about, uh, free speech rights, you know, what's your, what's
00:15:10.180 your take on that?
00:15:10.960 Is that a freedom of speech activity?
00:15:13.800 Should pornography be protected by free speech or at least viewership of it?
00:15:18.720 What, what, what's your take on that?
00:15:20.780 Yeah.
00:15:21.020 I mean, I, I, I would say, uh, the, the way that I generally start talks out like that,
00:15:27.260 like, let's, let's put, um, me having a biblical worldview aside.
00:15:31.960 So it's like, would, um, do you think that each and every person is deserving of human
00:15:38.600 dignity?
00:15:39.060 Like I've never heard anyone say no.
00:15:41.780 Of course.
00:15:42.280 If that's true, like what, is it healthy?
00:15:45.780 Like cognitively, is it healthy to someone to treat a person like a product?
00:15:52.460 So of course it's no.
00:15:54.480 And if you, and when you see the damage on people's brain from porn addiction, if you
00:15:59.480 put someone's brain on a CT scan and you put someone's brain who is addicted to heroin,
00:16:05.520 the, the aggressive amounts of dopamine that's hitting the synapse, you see the tracks in their
00:16:11.800 brain.
00:16:12.200 It's similar because you're, you're looking at augmented reality and you're wired to experience
00:16:18.740 your sexuality.
00:16:19.900 So it's, so the person consuming it, it's incredibly detrimental.
00:16:24.140 And if it impacts your brain, it impacts how you interact with people.
00:16:28.380 It impacts the way that you see people.
00:16:30.840 It interacts your ability to have integrity to, you know, to follow through with things
00:16:36.160 the way that you value and honor people.
00:16:39.220 If you see a person as a product, you're going to treat them as such.
00:16:43.620 And if you believe yes, does it, if you believe that no, doesn't mean no, then you see it happening
00:16:50.940 in rape culture. 1.00
00:16:51.820 And, uh, I was talking with someone, um, Heidi Olson is her name.
00:16:56.580 She's an RN in Kansas city, Missouri, and she saw 1300 cases of their, uh, 12, 13, 14 year
00:17:07.700 olds tying up and raping their sisters brutally.
00:17:11.200 And she's taking care of them. 0.99
00:17:13.560 And a hundred percent of the time, these boys are addicted to pornography and 94% of pornography
00:17:20.860 has visual, uh, has violence in them.
00:17:23.760 So they're seeing something they're believing that to be reality.
00:17:27.380 And then it's impacting the way they interact with the world.
00:17:30.320 So, uh, it impacts people's brain.
00:17:32.600 It impacts people's heart, uh, and impacts people's, um, world, how you interact with the
00:17:37.220 world.
00:17:37.460 So I would say, um, I would deem that as something that is not a moral good, regardless of what
00:17:44.340 your worldview is.
00:17:45.460 And it's detrimental to society across the board.
00:17:49.160 It contributes to rape culture. 1.00
00:17:51.060 It contributes to sex trafficking. 0.99
00:17:52.980 It contributes to pedophilia.
00:17:55.240 Like all it does is damage society.
00:17:57.980 So I don't see anything good about it.
00:18:00.920 Yeah, I've, I've thought about this because I try to look at things as objectively as I
00:18:06.600 can.
00:18:06.920 Of course I have my own biases and my own worldview and spiritual views as well.
00:18:11.000 But objectively, if we're to look at, is it protected behavior?
00:18:16.500 You know, you, you wouldn't, you wouldn't say that, uh, peddling fentanyl is protected
00:18:22.520 behavior.
00:18:23.080 We even have laws to keep you from going three miles over the speed limit because it's dangerous
00:18:28.680 to other people.
00:18:29.540 So there's a lot of laws that we collectively have agreed upon that we have deemed appropriate
00:18:36.440 for the betterment of society.
00:18:38.240 And yet when it comes to pornography and also prostitution, somehow it's different and it's
00:18:47.020 okay.
00:18:47.480 And it should be protected.
00:18:49.680 And I think a lot of that comes from the concept that we tend to believe that it's consensual,
00:18:55.100 which sounds like quite often it's actually really not.
00:18:59.720 Yeah.
00:18:59.880 I mean, if you, if you like more often than not, like the girls who end up in that industry,
00:19:06.060 they were either abused, they were like molested as kids.
00:19:12.300 Um, they like, there's no one that goes in that industry.
00:19:17.760 That's an healthy individual.
00:19:20.380 It's saying my life is all together. 0.99
00:19:23.940 And my passion in life is to be, um, a prostitute. 0.99
00:19:29.920 And you know what, on top of that, let's film it and put it on the internet. 0.98
00:19:34.420 So it's there forever.
00:19:36.380 Yeah.
00:19:36.900 Because like time after time, after time, what happens is, um, you, you see like the
00:19:42.660 reason that people don't leave the industry after they're in it, because they truly believe
00:19:48.620 and like, this was my case.
00:19:50.140 Um, I stayed in the industry for six years because I truly believed once I did it, you
00:19:55.360 know, I had that scarlet letter and like, who, like, who's going to take me seriously?
00:20:00.140 Like, who's going to take me seriously?
00:20:01.760 Who's going to want to be in a relationship with me?
00:20:03.880 Um, how am I going to be able to lead in any capacity?
00:20:07.560 Um, it doesn't matter about my knowledge base or my education.
00:20:10.540 There's going to be this reference point that is easily accessible because of, you know,
00:20:15.940 because of cell phones.
00:20:17.100 It's like, Hey, isn't this you?
00:20:18.600 So because of, of that, I deem myself trapped, but I trapped myself because I truly believe
00:20:26.120 there was nothing else that I could do.
00:20:27.680 And more often than not, the people in your life, the, the manager or your agent, or in
00:20:33.660 a lot of cases, uh, someone that has a pimp, they're telling you, this is who you are.
00:20:39.400 This is all you're good for.
00:20:40.620 And then all of a sudden the phone stops ringing and you're not working as much as you used
00:20:45.480 to.
00:20:45.800 And then that's why, so myself, I'm 10 years removed from the industry.
00:20:51.600 I just turned 40 and, um, there's, there's 30 people who I was in the industry with.
00:20:58.600 And over the last 10 years, they've taken their life via suicide or overdose.
00:21:04.340 And it was the same situation.
00:21:05.960 It was the same situation.
00:21:07.480 And man, I'm going to share something that would be super dark.
00:21:09.820 So, um, these people, they say, okay, um, I'm not working as much as I used to.
00:21:15.680 And maybe they start medicating, um, you know, with drugs to kind of deal with that.
00:21:20.700 Or maybe they're just so hopeless that they're like, well, there's no light at the end of
00:21:25.680 the tunnel.
00:21:26.080 There's no like life worth living.
00:21:27.960 I'm just going to end it.
00:21:29.020 So they do.
00:21:30.140 And when that happens, the porn industry makes a highlight reel, a best of, and then they
00:21:35.860 push it out.
00:21:36.480 So they monetize on someone's pain that put them there in the first place.
00:21:41.340 They did that to me.
00:21:43.140 Like when, when I left the industry, um, like, like people like, you know, uh, put out like,
00:21:49.620 uh, there were pages that like, I left the industry because I contracted HIV or, you know,
00:21:55.820 like, like, like all this stuff.
00:21:58.580 And it's, and it's just crazy because they couldn't wrap their head around that.
00:22:02.580 This guy that was, you know, at the top of the industry in some degree, like he didn't
00:22:08.200 want to be there.
00:22:09.540 But what happens is, you know, and you could, and you could put this in any scenario where,
00:22:16.340 um, the person that is struggling with X.
00:22:20.880 If I give you the thing that you think is going to fix your problems.
00:22:26.180 Like if it's like someone who is struggling with loneliness and they're addicted to pornography,
00:22:31.380 if you give them a wife, the loneliness and addiction to pornography doesn't go away.
00:22:37.240 Yeah.
00:22:37.960 It just comes problematic and ruins the marriage.
00:22:40.940 Um, you know, if you give someone who has a gambling problem, a million dollars, that
00:22:46.980 doesn't fix their problems.
00:22:48.300 It gives them access to create problems in their life.
00:22:52.460 You know, it's, you know, that, you know, whatever it is, if you give the person that
00:22:55.440 has an eating disorder, you know, uh, uh, an unlimited amount of money or easy access to
00:23:01.860 whatever that like the toxic behavior, it's not because of one specific thing or a lack of
00:23:09.580 something, there's an underlining thing.
00:23:11.660 There's a root that, you know, whatever it is, there's some type of wound that they haven't
00:23:17.120 addressed and the behavior is just medication.
00:23:21.300 You know, it's, it's the behavior, what you see on the outside, it's, it's flowing from
00:23:26.360 something else.
00:23:27.040 So it's, you, you can't, you know, think you can put a bandaid on a porn addiction, um,
00:23:33.020 but in that bandaid being marriage and it just go away.
00:23:36.140 Right.
00:23:36.640 It's just not going to work.
00:23:37.780 It's just worse.
00:23:38.380 One thing I've heard in the past, and I love this quote is never ask advice from somebody
00:23:45.300 who has a vested interest in maintaining the status quo.
00:23:49.240 Yeah.
00:23:50.000 You know, and you were talking about being surrounded by a manager, an agent, these organizations
00:23:55.120 who wanted to hire you and bring you in for these things.
00:23:57.620 Yeah.
00:23:58.240 And it's almost inescapable because anybody you ask is vested financially in you not leaving
00:24:07.140 the industry.
00:24:07.920 Oh, sure.
00:24:09.060 And that's how so many of us get trapped. 0.96
00:24:11.600 In the industry in itself, it's so hypocritical.
00:24:14.180 It's like, you, you see the people that fight so hard for, you know, human rights or like,
00:24:21.360 you know, um, like you, like people will, will fight for, um, you know, like against racism.
00:24:29.520 And then you're, you advocate for pornography when pornography, like if you look at some
00:24:36.400 of the top genres of pornography, where it's like barely legal, so barely legal, it's not
00:24:42.760 girls that are 18.
00:24:44.400 It's girls that are 18, 19, 20 that put on stockings and put their hair in pigtails. 1.00
00:24:49.480 18 year olds don't dress like that.
00:24:51.400 15 year olds, 13, 12 year olds do.
00:24:54.260 Right.
00:24:54.640 So, so, so that's just reality.
00:24:57.300 That's the most popular type of porn. 0.92
00:24:59.940 The next most popular is interracial. 0.96
00:25:02.560 So interracial isn't one race with another explicitly it's anyone with a black man.
00:25:09.280 So it's like, you, you take things that are so important to, to, to everyone, like portions
00:25:16.520 of their identity and, and you, you know, monopolize on them and you're doing something that's incredibly
00:25:23.220 racist and then you're fighting against it, but you're saying that this is good, but you
00:25:26.900 don't even see what's before your eyes. 0.97
00:25:29.860 It's insane.
00:25:30.820 You know, the thing that I I've heard before is it's, it's empowerment, right?
00:25:36.120 Women are empowered to use their bodies that way. 1.00
00:25:38.420 And I, and I can't help, but think I'm, I'm trying not to be crude as I say this, but
00:25:43.220 having the, the, the anatomy of a woman, right? 0.95
00:25:46.720 There's no skill in that.
00:25:48.480 Okay.
00:25:48.760 There's, there's no value.
00:25:50.560 It's valuable that you can procreate.
00:25:52.380 It's valuable that, that women can bear children. 1.00
00:25:55.620 I'm not saying that, but I'm saying just lying there being a, a,
00:25:59.940 you know, a play toy, that's not valuable.
00:26:03.600 It's not empowering.
00:26:05.340 Develop something that is.
00:26:07.540 And to your point.
00:26:08.840 So like when you say something's one thing at the same time, you're saying something else
00:26:16.240 is not true.
00:26:17.080 So if you're saying, you know, you're empowering women to live out, you know, whatever, you
00:26:24.780 know, I, I hate the arguments like, well, what do you want them to do?
00:26:29.560 Like no one's born.
00:26:31.560 It's like, you know what? 0.98
00:26:32.460 I want to be a sex object. 0.99
00:26:34.180 I want to be this. 0.98
00:26:35.200 Like, no, there's like a hundred percent of the people that I've talked to that are in
00:26:41.320 the industry.
00:26:42.140 You should be in the industry would even consider being in the industry at the end of the day.
00:26:47.060 There's something that they're passionate about.
00:26:49.940 And there was something that they would dream to do.
00:26:53.800 And what happens is, is when you're in that industry, that dream starts to die because
00:26:57.680 you feel like you'd no longer have access to it.
00:27:00.320 So of course say, yes, I love my life.
00:27:02.960 I love the industry, but how many times do you see rich and famous people take their
00:27:07.980 own lives?
00:27:08.560 Because even though they're making money and they're, you know, they got a lot of followers
00:27:13.580 or they might have a show or whatever it might be at the end of the day, that doesn't equate
00:27:18.640 to genuine happiness.
00:27:21.240 So if you act like for me, for example, you know, it's like the last year I was in the industry,
00:27:26.900 it's like, you know, I, I, I grew up in poverty to an extent and, you know, I, I'm,
00:27:32.960 I almost eclipsed like $400,000 that last year I was in the industry.
00:27:37.300 So for me, that was a ton of money.
00:27:39.480 And, um, you know, a lot of people knew my name in, in, in X, Y, and Z.
00:27:44.860 But when you lay your head down on the pillow, it doesn't matter how much money you have in
00:27:50.200 your bank account.
00:27:52.060 It doesn't matter, you know, how many people know your name.
00:27:55.220 It doesn't matter if you have a blue check mark, you know, by your name on social media.
00:27:58.800 It's like, if you're miserable and you're hurting and you're struggling with something,
00:28:04.500 there's nothing that is aesthetic or exists on the outside of, you know, your heart is
00:28:12.360 going to fix that.
00:28:13.060 Like you, you could still be incredibly lonely and be around people all the time.
00:28:19.260 It feels like the only thing that would fix it, like a drug addict would be to go have
00:28:24.300 your next hit only to feel empty again.
00:28:27.060 So that's seems like it'd be a challenging thing is, so you've got this deeper wound,
00:28:32.220 which is maybe the loneliness or maybe it's abandonment issues from father.
00:28:36.580 I actually read a great book called the boy crisis.
00:28:39.320 And Dr. Warren Farrell talks about specifically with, with young women, the role of the father
00:28:46.020 father is so important because the relationship that they have begins to help her see that
00:28:51.440 she is not just valuable in a sexual context, but she's valuable outside of an independent 0.73
00:29:00.940 from, from sex. 0.60
00:29:03.620 And that's one of the most powerful relationships she has.
00:29:06.720 So you have this, this wound or this hole, and the only way you know how to fill it, even
00:29:12.620 if it's temporarily is to continue to engage in the same behavior that's exacerbating the
00:29:17.640 problem.
00:29:18.620 Oh, sure.
00:29:19.020 Like, like for me, for example, growing up, like I grew up without a father and for me,
00:29:24.760 um, what, what was incredibly problematic for me was that I grew up without a dad.
00:29:30.420 My mom has me at 16 and I live in a small town in South Carolina.
00:29:35.960 So that lens, you know, there being one grocery store.
00:29:39.360 So now I'm seeing this person that I know is my father, but he never plays the role of
00:29:47.940 my dad.
00:29:48.660 Like he was never in my home or in my life.
00:29:51.460 And as, when I was young, that was confusing.
00:29:54.220 And as I got older, it became infuriating.
00:29:58.260 And for me, I have a high, high achiever personality.
00:30:01.380 And like, like most men, it's like you want to do, and when you do things that equates to
00:30:06.340 a feeling of affirmation and what you desire is someone to say, son, I'm proud of you, or
00:30:12.980 this is how you do this.
00:30:14.380 And then you do it and you show them that you could accomplish it.
00:30:17.460 So for me, like this, this desire for achievement, it started in school.
00:30:23.040 So like I had to make the best grades and then I need, I wanted to be the best athlete.
00:30:27.640 And then I started modeling and acting and, you know, it was like, I need to land the
00:30:32.860 role.
00:30:33.720 I needed to get the part.
00:30:35.480 I needed to do the campaign just on and on and on.
00:30:39.180 And this mindset led to me adapting that with girls where like I was very promiscuous, but
00:30:45.600 it was really about conquest after conquest where I'm like, oh, like this is the prettiest
00:30:50.880 girl in the school, or this is the girl that's like, you know, the hardest to like take out on
00:30:55.340 a date in the, like, I would do that or, you know, in that behavior continued in college.
00:31:00.500 So I set myself up to lose, you know, I, I move out to Hollywood.
00:31:05.600 I'm, you know, I, I wanted to act and model.
00:31:08.500 I go out there, I get an agent and I'm doing okay.
00:31:12.640 Like I didn't need money.
00:31:15.520 I didn't need a different opportunity.
00:31:17.900 I wasn't struggling.
00:31:19.720 I had a, I had a good friend group.
00:31:21.280 You know, I, I, I didn't have a problem in the world, but the way I'd live my life and
00:31:26.960 the way that no matter what I had, I continued to feel inadequate because what I didn't have
00:31:31.580 was that father growing up.
00:31:33.880 So I felt like I had to prove my, I had to prove myself all the time I need to achieve
00:31:38.760 and accomplish and, and just be the guy so that it would put a bandaid on this ceasing,
00:31:45.280 never desire to like prove my worth.
00:31:47.760 And then these, these three girls sit down in the restaurant that I'm working at. 0.99
00:31:52.820 Cause you know, you're living in Hollywood.
00:31:54.240 You got to more often than not, unless you're killing it, you got to do something to mediate
00:31:58.000 your expenses.
00:31:58.720 So I'm, I'm bartending a little bit, working at this bar, three girls sit down and like,
00:32:03.840 Hey, do you want to be in the porn industry?
00:32:05.640 And I was like, not really, but it sounds kind of cool.
00:32:09.220 Like, tell me more about it.
00:32:11.000 And they're like, Hey, we would love to introduce you to our agent.
00:32:13.940 And I'm like, sure.
00:32:15.980 I'll listen to what he has to say.
00:32:17.720 And then I sit down with this guy and he says, um, tell me about how you grew up.
00:32:24.980 Tell me what made you move out here and what do you hope to accomplish?
00:32:31.920 And I was like, well, you know, just grew up just pretty much me and my mom.
00:32:35.520 Um, what I want to do is, you know, act model.
00:32:40.840 Um, I'm passionate about creating things to impact people.
00:32:44.300 And I guess I want to be famous is what I want to accomplish.
00:32:48.040 He's like, perfect.
00:32:49.500 Um, I'll make you, I'll make you famous.
00:32:52.420 You'll make a lot of money.
00:32:53.640 And because the way that the industry was when I joined the industry in like 2006, I think
00:33:00.700 it was, um, they were parodying a lot of movies, so they would take like star Wars and make
00:33:06.560 a parody of the star Wars.
00:33:08.340 Okay.
00:33:08.540 So they were like, so they were like, you have acting experience.
00:33:12.340 You're a good looking guy.
00:33:13.740 Um, you could be the lead in all these movies.
00:33:16.720 And I was like, okay.
00:33:18.380 So I knew that that was a compromise, but at the same time, you know, I was 22 at the time
00:33:23.960 and I'm thinking, well, maybe, you know, a lot of my other friends have made it, they've
00:33:29.260 landed like roles in, you know, big roles in movies and they've like started to establish
00:33:33.580 their career.
00:33:34.960 Um, you know, they, they're, they're, they're doing all this stuff and I'm just kind of like,
00:33:39.540 I'm, I'm in the mix, but I'm just kind of like, like for me, just like 60% just like 0.98
00:33:47.260 sucks.
00:33:47.940 You know, it's like, I just can't, I can't be like, I think that's a lot of people above 0.97
00:33:52.020 average, probably a lot of people who listen to this podcast too.
00:33:56.640 Yeah.
00:33:57.100 I just like, I just could, and like, for me, like if I'm doing okay, I'm like, I can't
00:34:05.720 stand it.
00:34:06.160 It drives me crazy.
00:34:06.820 So if I'm not crushing it at anything, I feel like I'm failing.
00:34:11.680 Like if I'm not winning, I'm losing, you know, that's just how I feel.
00:34:17.260 And, um, and that's how I felt.
00:34:18.880 So I'm like, I know this is a compromise, but maybe I'll just do one.
00:34:22.620 How, like, how bad could it be?
00:34:25.080 Um, and then I do one and then like so quickly I do this one, it goes viral.
00:34:33.740 Um, my, my agent finds out they're like, Hey, obviously this is a breach in the code
00:34:38.400 of conduct that you signed.
00:34:40.020 Um, we cannot represent you anymore.
00:34:42.620 And I'm like, okay, well, you know, there goes.
00:34:44.880 Wait, why?
00:34:45.200 I don't understand.
00:34:46.600 What was the breach?
00:34:47.660 What happened?
00:34:49.040 So, uh, the, like both the acting and modeling agency that represented me, it's like, oh,
00:34:55.740 I got you.
00:34:56.660 I got you.
00:34:57.500 Yeah.
00:34:57.940 So the mainstream.
00:34:58.920 Yeah.
00:34:59.180 Yeah.
00:34:59.360 So there were like, I thought it was in the porn industry.
00:35:01.620 So.
00:35:02.280 Oh no, no, no.
00:35:02.980 Yeah.
00:35:03.380 I'm tracking.
00:35:03.700 So I can't, we can't, you know, you can't be, you can't be associated like your likeness.
00:35:08.460 We don't want to be associated with.
00:35:11.340 Yeah.
00:35:11.600 And then, uh, a little bit after that, my mom's like, Hey, your uncle called me.
00:35:17.160 He, you know, my, my uncle worked at like, you know, this giant plant, bunch of dudes.
00:35:21.020 And, uh, he's like, your uncle said that you did a porn movie.
00:35:26.040 Is that true? 0.79
00:35:26.660 And just like humiliated, like having this conversation with my mom and like, yeah, you
00:35:32.060 know, I, I did do that.
00:35:33.680 And then, um, man, just, uh, just, I talk about this a lot and I think it's so important
00:35:38.600 for men to think about, it's like, regardless of what your life looks like, you're going 0.88
00:35:43.460 to come to this crossroads where like something's going to happen, you know, the crap's going
00:35:49.080 to hit the fan in some capacity, maybe a job ends or relationship ends.
00:35:53.020 Uh, maybe you don't get the job, um, like at some point in life, you're going to have
00:35:57.700 a plan for your life and there's going to be something that happens that doesn't go according
00:36:02.280 to your plan and how you respond to that is going to be indicative of how prepared you
00:36:07.940 are to respond to that.
00:36:09.480 You know, if, if like, if a job ends, it's like, well, the reality is as a man, like you're,
00:36:15.440 you, you, you're called to be able to have fortitude to be flexible.
00:36:21.380 It's like, you, you can't like, there's not just one thing that you can do.
00:36:26.340 That's just not true.
00:36:27.820 It's just not true.
00:36:29.860 Maybe there's one thing that you would prefer to do.
00:36:32.380 And there's one thing that you love to do, but if it, you know, when push comes to shove,
00:36:37.180 you could do something else.
00:36:38.820 You could go build retaining walls.
00:36:41.020 You know, you could do something else.
00:36:42.440 Anything.
00:36:42.960 Sure.
00:36:43.220 I've done.
00:36:43.840 And that sucks, you know, um, but it's like, you can do it.
00:36:48.440 It's like, am I the best at doing this?
00:36:51.220 No, but, um, can I do this and provide for myself and if necessary, provide for my family?
00:36:56.880 Yes.
00:36:57.160 There's something else that you could do.
00:36:59.140 That's just true.
00:37:00.400 Specifically in America.
00:37:01.560 Like that's just absolutely true.
00:37:03.940 But for me, I got to this point where, okay, my agent fired me.
00:37:08.920 My mom found out and what I should have done is made a pivot and did something else.
00:37:14.400 Right.
00:37:15.020 Oh, it's much easier just to continuing to compromise.
00:37:20.540 It's like, if I'm overweight, it's easy to continue living that lifestyle.
00:37:28.080 It's hard to follow a meal plan and start to, you know, implement a, a health and fitness
00:37:35.900 routine into my life.
00:37:37.020 Like it's hard to have discipline, but that's why I like everything that is good is on the
00:37:42.000 other side of obedience and discipline.
00:37:45.120 So it, for me, I'm like, I'm at this crossroads.
00:37:47.980 I'm like, well, what am I to do?
00:37:50.000 Like, should I pack up and go home?
00:37:51.900 Should I do something else? 0.97
00:37:53.780 Or should I just keep doing this porn thing?
00:37:56.560 And then that agent calls the porn agent calls.
00:37:58.980 He's like, Hey man, I'd love to sign you to a contract.
00:38:01.880 And I was like, sure.
00:38:04.840 And honestly, Ryan, if you'd have asked me four or five years ago, I would, I probably
00:38:09.160 would have said I didn't have any other choice because I believe that to be true. 0.96
00:38:14.500 And that's the dangerous thing about a lie.
00:38:16.180 If you believe a lie to be true, it's true to you.
00:38:19.100 Yeah.
00:38:19.240 Good point.
00:38:19.880 You act as if it's true.
00:38:21.120 Sure, sure.
00:38:23.300 Yeah.
00:38:23.620 I mean, that's the dangerous thing about a worldview.
00:38:26.040 If you believe that this is what is contingent of reality, then I'm going to appropriate myself
00:38:33.320 into the world based on what I believe.
00:38:36.100 And I believe that.
00:38:37.580 I was going to ask what, what then, you know, now you look at it and you know, at that point,
00:38:43.320 you actually did have a choice.
00:38:46.080 Sure.
00:38:47.020 What would have had to have changed or what circumstances would have had to been different
00:38:52.200 for you to make a different choice, a more productive choice in that moment?
00:38:58.260 Is it being around people?
00:39:00.260 Is it more confidence in yourself?
00:39:02.620 Like, what is it that you wish you would have had to make a better decision then?
00:39:07.920 Yeah.
00:39:08.200 I mean, uh, just thinking about now, you know, like things that I have now.
00:39:11.920 So like, obviously my faith is something that's important to me, but, um, what, what allows
00:39:17.960 me to have checks and balances in my life is that I have relationships with other men
00:39:23.080 that hold me to a certain standard and I do the same thing for them.
00:39:27.640 Um, so I, I, I always tell people they need one person in your life that you can have hot
00:39:33.440 conversations with once a week.
00:39:35.120 So hot being an acronym standing for honest, open, and transparent.
00:39:38.460 Hmm.
00:39:40.180 So, you know, it's like, I need to, I need to be able to say, you know, I'm struggling
00:39:45.660 with this because again, it's man, it's like so many people, they try to put on this fake
00:39:51.520 facade when they pretend to be okay when they're not.
00:39:55.320 Yeah.
00:39:55.900 And I live my whole life that way.
00:39:58.980 Like up until I met my wife, I lived my whole life.
00:40:02.260 I had no clue who I was, but I was, you know, I put, I call it a first date mask.
00:40:08.980 Like every person I met, I don't know who I am, but I'm really good at becoming whoever
00:40:13.600 I believe you want me to be so that you like me or affirm me.
00:40:18.760 Right.
00:40:19.240 And what happens is someone can't love you well, if they don't truly know you, if they,
00:40:26.640 if they, if they know this fictitious version of you, how deep is that relationship?
00:40:33.020 And what happened was because of my insecurities and because of me always putting on face, no
00:40:40.660 one really knew me.
00:40:41.940 So I would never let anyone know that I'm struggling because I would need to let someone
00:40:48.940 in to do that.
00:40:50.540 And it all stems back to this.
00:40:53.860 Like I have a great relationship with my mom.
00:40:56.360 I've always had a great relationship with my mom, but I've always been a terrible friend.
00:41:01.740 Like I've always been a terrible friend because I truly believed number one, I didn't know how
00:41:06.940 to be a man.
00:41:07.580 And number two, I didn't think that I had value.
00:41:11.420 So I would treat the relationship like what value do I have?
00:41:15.240 Yeah.
00:41:15.680 Like, yeah, I'll tell you that I'm, I'm going to show up, but I'm probably not going to show
00:41:20.140 up.
00:41:20.680 I'm not going to follow through.
00:41:22.120 I was terrible at finishing things.
00:41:24.520 I would say I would do things I wouldn't do.
00:41:27.500 I would start things and never finish them.
00:41:30.380 I had zero integrity.
00:41:31.940 You know, I would like, I was that person, like I would hook up with, you know, my friends,
00:41:38.140 like ex-girlfriends.
00:41:39.120 Like I would, I would just do, I truly believe like I had no value and I didn't care.
00:41:44.100 And it's like, like what would stop me from doing that?
00:41:47.280 Like, you don't really care about me anyway.
00:41:49.020 So what does it matter?
00:41:50.520 So I live my life that way.
00:41:52.020 All right, man, let me just step away from this conversation very quickly regarding pornography.
00:41:58.060 It may be a goal of yours to stop viewing pornographic material.
00:42:02.320 And if that's your goal, we can show you how to create a powerful process for eliminating
00:42:08.000 the vice and replacing it with something that's much more powerful and much more effective in
00:42:13.160 your life.
00:42:13.860 This system is called battle ready.
00:42:16.280 Uh, and when you sign up for our free battle ready program, we're going to send you a series
00:42:22.060 of emails over the next 30 days.
00:42:24.400 They're going to help you combat temptation and also solidify the mindset and action steps
00:42:31.480 for success in your life.
00:42:33.660 So whether you're battling a pornography addiction or substance abuse problem, or simply have a desire
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00:42:53.540 You can do that right after the conversation.
00:42:55.860 Let's get back to it with Joshua.
00:42:58.660 You said, uh, I've, I've obviously followed your story a little bit, know a little bit about you.
00:43:03.440 You said in, in, I think it was maybe a quick introductory story about your life that you had a, uh,
00:43:11.280 a bank teller ask you a question that may be like a seemingly insignificant question, but at maybe
00:43:18.980 just the right moment in just the right mind frame. And it started to change things around for you.
00:43:24.160 It sounds like.
00:43:25.100 Yeah. So it was huge for me because ironically, you know, if I look back the agent that had the
00:43:33.620 first conversation with me, inviting me into the porn industry, he was like, I will make your name
00:43:39.020 famous. But in reality, the first thing you do is surrender your name and you adopt another one.
00:43:46.500 Right. Okay.
00:43:47.420 So the name that he made famous was a stage name, a pseudonym. And, and that should go to like,
00:43:53.700 to a certain degree. It's like, if it was something that you were proud of, wouldn't you just go by your
00:43:58.560 name?
00:43:58.920 Right. Like, sure. Yeah. Like, and then the example I always love to give, if you were in a
00:44:03.740 library and you were looking at porn on your phone and someone said something to you, what are you
00:44:07.740 going to do immediately?
00:44:09.120 Yeah. You'd hide it. Of course.
00:44:11.000 But there's a level of shame there. But anyway, um, so I, you go by a pseudonym and, uh, towards the
00:44:19.220 end of my time in the industry, um, you're, you're, this is another great lesson to, to, to just kind
00:44:26.180 of lean into. So if you don't have anyone in your life, holding you accountable, um, there's,
00:44:31.420 there's not going to be, um, a good way of seeing yourself from an outside perspective.
00:44:38.540 And for me, my mom, uh, like the whole time I was in the industry, she would say, Joshua, I love you,
00:44:46.500 but you're better than that. Like there's something else that you could be doing. And you actually have
00:44:52.520 all these gifts and skills and talents and things that you're passionate about. You love health and
00:44:57.980 fitness. You love it. Like, why don't you do something else? Um, and so when someone presents
00:45:05.380 you with, you know, maybe in a practical way, like Ryan, if you and I have a relationship where it's
00:45:10.960 like, Hey, I'm holding you accountable to a certain degree. And you come to me and say, Hey man, I did
00:45:14.300 this thing. I said, I wouldn't do. And I say, man, you gotta, you gotta stop doing that because this
00:45:20.720 doesn't align with the direction you said you wanted to go in your life. Like, I mean, I'm not
00:45:26.440 beating you up, but you know, it's like, you said you wanted this. Why are you making decisions that
00:45:30.840 don't line up with that? So either you respond to what I say in a healthy way and you're like,
00:45:37.480 you know what? You're right, man. Thank you for having my back or dude, screw you, man. Get out of
00:45:44.680 here. So for me with my mom, I'm like, I separated myself from her because she was like, you can do
00:45:49.760 better. You can do better. You can do better. She was right. And sometimes the truth stings and what
00:45:55.540 people do. It's like, I don't want anyone in my life. That's going to tell me the truth. And you
00:46:01.100 surround yourself with people are cheering you on to your detriment. You're doing a great job.
00:46:06.580 You're killing it. You're killing it, but actually you're dying inside. And for me, I pushed my mom 1.00
00:46:14.380 away. Like I was really close to like some of my fraternity brothers from, from college. And so
00:46:20.720 I pushed anyone away that didn't affirm what that was doing. And what that caused was the people in
00:46:27.300 the gym, my barber, um, everyone that I interacted with on a daily basis was calling me by my stage
00:46:33.940 name. Joshua did not exist. So when I walk in that bank and I hand her the check and I'm literally,
00:46:41.420 I'd planned to take my life this day. I hand her the check and she looks at me and just simply says,
00:46:49.060 Joshua, are you okay? Joshua, is there something I can do for you? Like what it did, it shattered
00:46:56.620 this plausible reality that I created based on lies and guilt and shame. And I felt the pain that I was
00:47:04.580 numb to. And what I immediately thought was my mom did not want me to come home. She didn't want me to
00:47:11.620 stop doing porn. She didn't want me to do all these stuff. She wanted to know that I was okay. And that
00:47:17.380 was it. And I was being so selfish because of my pride and, and honestly, my shame that I had robbed her
00:47:27.020 from that. And I went straight to my house and I, and I called her and we had a snot filled conversation
00:47:34.340 of me, you know, apologizing for not letting her know that I was okay. Because it'd been almost a
00:47:39.980 year. It'd been almost a year since I had talked to anyone that truly knew me. And that made me see,
00:47:48.080 just like see myself in a different lens. And I was like, I just can't do this. And for, you know,
00:47:52.600 to be clear, it's like, I was at a point in my life where, you know, I said, if I make a million
00:47:58.320 dollars in this industry, I'll be happy. I did it. It didn't work. If I surf on X, Y, and Z beaches,
00:48:06.460 I'll be happy. It didn't work. You know, if I win performer of the year, which I did in 2012,
00:48:13.440 you know, like that was it. I'm the best. It didn't work. And what it did, it amplified my loneliness
00:48:19.920 and depression and anxiety because none of the things that I accomplished that I thought would
00:48:24.980 satisfy my soul. They didn't work. And I was faced with either die or run. And I ran.
00:48:33.780 From a spiritual perspective, I would say that Satan knows this very, very well. And he knows how
00:48:42.020 to push on us and just the right ways to do things that are not in our best interest. You said you've
00:48:47.360 been out of the industry for roughly 10 years or so. Is that right? Yeah. Is, is there still
00:48:53.760 a temptation? Is there still a draw? Are there still things that you're trying to fill and you're
00:49:00.220 tempted to fill them that way? Is that, is that something that's still on your mind?
00:49:05.840 Yeah. I mean, so, so, so not, um, so I, I don't have a draw to like be in the industry,
00:49:14.000 but, um, I would say the thing that I do struggle with from time to time still. So it's like, that
00:49:20.580 was a large part of me, like going through counseling. Cause it was like, for me, it was
00:49:24.340 like Jesus plus counseling. Um, but, um, for me it was really like in that industry, there
00:49:36.440 were like so many people cheering me on. Right. Right. And, and, uh, like, you know, tons
00:49:43.980 of fans and all this stuff. And for me, um, it wasn't like, there's nothing tied to that
00:49:51.220 industry, but there's this part in me that I have to keep in check where, um, I tie my
00:49:59.300 worth to my, to, to the level I'm affirmed. And, um, so like, for me, it's like, you know,
00:50:07.900 that, that, that's something that I have to keep in check. It's like, am I doing, because
00:50:11.760 you can do, you can do the right thing for the wrong reasons, you know? Um, so for me,
00:50:17.000 it's like, am I doing this out of a heart of good or am I trying to serve myself? And
00:50:26.000 like, honestly, like for me, like back, I was like back and forth. I like deleted
00:50:29.560 social media, like went back on it, deleted it, went back on it, deleted it, went back
00:50:34.800 on it. And like, now, um, you know, I I'm on the executive board of a project called
00:50:41.540 share the King. And I essentially mentor young men and women who are, they have large
00:50:49.600 platforms and we're utilizing, you know, technology to, you know, to, to share the
00:50:54.620 gospel and help people grow those pages. But that's something that I talk about
00:50:57.840 often. It's like, man, you got, you got to check your heart, you know, because
00:51:01.100 like you, you always got to allow your why to drive your what it's like, why am I
00:51:05.860 doing this? Right. And if you understand like at a deep level, like why I'm doing
00:51:10.260 what I'm doing, then it'll drive your what, but if you're doing, if your why is to
00:51:15.600 build yourself up or to, you know, get more followers or whatever it might be. Um, if I'm
00:51:21.260 doing that, like out of selfish ambition, you'll, you'll never get to the place that
00:51:27.240 you intended to go. So I just got to keep myself at check in that way. So, um, I, uh,
00:51:32.380 I, I, I feel, uh, a venom, um, towards the industry. I love, I love the people in the
00:51:40.340 industry. Um, there's still people who are in the industry that, um, I don't talk to
00:51:44.820 as much as I would like just because it's not healthy for me, but there's people in the
00:51:49.580 industry that I love deeply that used to be like dear, dear friends. Um, there's people
00:51:54.980 who've died, you know, over the last few years who were in the industry that, you know,
00:51:59.760 I, there was, there was, uh, there was a gentleman, um, I won't share his, uh, his
00:52:04.440 porn name, but his real name was Joe Reeves. And he was my roommate for a while and he got
00:52:09.700 drunk and fell off, uh, like a stairwell in Mexico and died. And I wept. Um, and, and, uh,
00:52:17.300 to be honest, like he w he was a better friend to me when he was still in the industry than
00:52:25.260 I was to him as someone who was a pastor serving in a church because he was calling me every
00:52:32.020 week asking me how I was doing. Like I played, I played fantasy football with him. You know,
00:52:37.300 we talked sports. Um, he, he was from, you know, I'm, I'm from South Carolina. He's from
00:52:42.240 Tennessee, you know, so two, two good old boys, you know, there's just, uh, but just
00:52:46.900 great, great guy. Um, but I say that say, I love the people who are, who are still in
00:52:53.000 the industry, but gosh, I hate the industry with, uh, uh, just a, just such a passion
00:52:58.680 because man, like I spoke at a large high school in Houston yesterday and just kid after kid
00:53:06.480 after kid, like 50, like Ryan, I'm not being facetious. 50 plus kids come to me. My dad
00:53:14.540 was struggling with pornography and my mom found out and they ended up getting a divorce
00:53:20.160 and eat like the craziest thing. I talked to a kid who saw porn on his dad's computer at 10 years old,
00:53:32.920 was addicted to it up until a sophomore year of high school, went to counseling, got freedom from
00:53:40.260 it. And now is walking his dad through the process that he went through to be free from pornography as
00:53:48.920 a senior in high school. And man, just like hearing him, like, there's like a pretty, like, there's a
00:53:56.800 pretty systematic way that I'll lead people one-on-one to, you know, start walking, um,
00:54:02.940 towards freedom and just hearing him regurgitate things that I've said and using this in a systematic
00:54:10.540 way to help his dad find freedom. And honestly, he was articulating things that I've said that
00:54:17.200 sounded better. I'm going to have to take that. I know. I was like, that's, that's good. But, uh,
00:54:24.020 dude, just like gut wrenching, just gut wrenching, man. Um, like I, I spoke at a chapel surface, uh,
00:54:31.820 at, uh, Mount Vernon, um, in Ohio, Mount Vernon university. I spoke at a chapel service and I was
00:54:39.560 like, it's like, you know, like you're only as free as you're honest is what I said. You're only as
00:54:46.460 free as you're honest. And I was like, who's struggling with sexual sin, pornography addiction,
00:54:54.300 like promiscuity, like pretty much everyone hand goes up about 1200 kids. And the conversations that
00:55:04.980 I had afterwards, it's like, like people who like kids who were beaten as kids, like physically abused,
00:55:13.180 seeking out participating in BDSM pornography, because the only way that they can associate
00:55:21.040 love is with physical harm and knowing that that exists in the industry. And it just, it just makes
00:55:29.840 me sick to my stomach and, and, and just a, a very like righteous anger. And just when, you know,
00:55:35.980 just like talking to those young men, it's like, you know, I'm a father of three boys. Um, they're very
00:55:42.320 young, they're four, two, and one, but, um, it, it allows me to have the heart of a father and just
00:55:48.560 knowing like these kids are struggling and, you know, numbers like, um, you know, people who are
00:55:56.880 exposed to pornography at 13 and under 65% of the time they, they weren't looking for it. 65% of the
00:56:04.720 time it was incidental, which I was, I was happy to see that Google was implementing that, you know,
00:56:10.580 they were blurring out anything that's sexual or violent. Um, they didn't say when they were
00:56:15.780 going to implement that, but you know, so many cases of someone was doing biology homework and
00:56:22.180 they went too many scrolls down and all of a sudden there's hardcore pornography.
00:56:26.820 Yeah. I mean, that's what happened when I was first introduced is I think a buddy of mine
00:56:31.720 had a playboy and, you know, it wasn't online, but had a playboy and it was like, look, check this
00:56:37.740 out. And he, he was the one who showed me, you know, I wasn't, and then we would try to steal
00:56:41.820 penthouse and playboy magazines from the local convenience store. And, you know, like progressively
00:56:47.800 got worse over time. Yeah. But it wasn't me actively going to look for it. Yeah. So like
00:56:53.320 same thing happened to me. So I, like I was at someone's house and they showed it to me and then,
00:56:58.760 um, I used to live off a major highway and like truck drivers would throw stuff out and I would find
00:57:04.760 like, Oh, really? Yeah. So, uh, but yeah, same thing. It's like, it's, it's crazy, but like
00:57:11.320 the thing is like, once that seed is planted now, like you develop this appetite for this thing that
00:57:17.160 you've never seen or heard of, you know? Uh, and that's why I think, oh, I was just, I was going
00:57:23.800 to ask about, look, the reality is you, you have three young boys. I have three boys. I also have a
00:57:28.740 daughter, but they're going to see pornography a hundred percent, a hundred percent. And so, 1.00
00:57:35.240 you know, it's, it's such a, it's such a weird thing because you know, they're going to be exposed
00:57:41.300 to it. You don't want them to be exposed to it. And so I think it's a conversation and a topic that
00:57:46.440 needs to be broached among fathers and sons and daughters, but it just, I don't know. It just doesn't,
00:57:53.140 it's hard. It's awkward. It's uncomfortable. And yet those are the conversations that need
00:57:58.700 to be had and the reality needs to be shared. Otherwise they're going to go down the same
00:58:01.760 rabbit hole that many of us did. Yeah. I mean, so I, I spoke at a, uh, a parenting
00:58:07.600 conference not too long ago and something that I shared was like, you know, like how,
00:58:13.240 how are you supposed to share with your kids this like difficult thing? Like no one wants to have
00:58:17.280 that talk. Like at what age do you have it? Like, how do you go about it? And I was like, well,
00:58:22.500 like the, the how and the when, you know, is, is that's individualistic in nature is like,
00:58:27.160 you got to know your kids to a degree, but you got to know that they're going to see it.
00:58:30.880 So if you don't talk about it, what happens is you end up having to answer two questions.
00:58:38.020 Why didn't you tell me if you knew that existed, why didn't you tell me in number two,
00:58:44.280 why is what you're telling me different than what I heard first?
00:58:49.620 Hmm. Because I mean, that like, as, as someone who is in Christian leadership,
00:58:57.700 um, I lead a ministry called finding hope. And it, for me, it's my responsibility to tell people
00:59:03.940 the truth. Um, and, and, and, and that's part of the truth. Like, I don't, I don't get to choose
00:59:09.160 what, what, like, what part of the truth, um, is, you know, the whole pie.
00:59:14.280 Right. Cause then that isn't the truth. Right. Yeah. A hundred percent. So, and then part of that
00:59:19.400 is, you know, sex and sexuality and things like that. So I think that, uh, not being willing to
00:59:27.600 talk about those things is more harmful than good because, um, like, honestly, like Ryan,
00:59:33.920 like, I think it was like a few months ago, someone messaged me and I was booked to be a keynote at this
00:59:39.680 high school event. And they're like, you know what? Um, some of the people in leadership were,
00:59:44.020 were worried that, um, they would be tempted to Google you. So, um, we're, we, we think,
00:59:51.920 you know, we'll, we'll, we'll honor you financially since we've already committed to it, but we just
00:59:56.240 think that we're all, you know, we're not going to have you this time. I was like, that's fine.
01:00:00.280 That's fine. But here's the deal. Is, is it true that you're trying to protect those kids that have
01:00:08.860 this curiosity that already exists or is this something that you're uncomfortable with because
01:00:15.880 it's either something you're struggling with or you are afraid to talk about? Like, is that true?
01:00:20.640 Because more often than not, you're not trying to protect the person. Uh, you just don't want to
01:00:25.760 have the conversation. And then literally just email me back. You're right. See you Friday.
01:00:33.660 Oh, wow. That's good. Yeah. I, I imagine that. Well, again, like you said, it's, it's uncomfortable.
01:00:40.940 It's awkward to talk about these things. It's all, I guess it's only as awkward as you make it
01:00:44.900 that I've, I've had some sexual type conversations with my oldest son, my two oldest boys in particular.
01:00:52.400 And, uh, you know, it wasn't weird because I chose not to make it weird. Now maybe they were
01:00:58.140 uncomfortable with it, but I set the precedent of what that conversation was going to look like.
01:01:02.000 A hundred percent because, because here, here's the number one thing that parents, uh, do wrong.
01:01:08.240 Like, you know, if, if my son comes to me, it's like, dad, I, I, I saw something I saw, I saw porn.
01:01:14.500 And if I'm like, Whoa, bro, you, you did what? Oh my gosh. Get in your room. Like, what were you doing?
01:01:19.860 Yeah. I freak out. They're never going to tell me that again. And they're going to believe that
01:01:26.340 they're bad. They did something wrong. Sex is bad. Um, so what you're going to do is you actually
01:01:33.940 miss an opportunity to listen and guide that process. And like, is it going to be uncomfortable?
01:01:40.320 Sure. Like no one like wants to have that talk with their kids, but everyone wants to protect
01:01:46.000 their kids. And that's part of loving them. Well, it's like, you know, I, I tell, I told my,
01:01:50.660 you know, my, you know, my oldest son's four. So I'm like, cannon, uh, don't touch the stove. It's
01:01:55.460 hot. And then what happens is, um, you know, best case scenario is his little brother tries to
01:02:01.340 touch the stove and he's like, no, no, no, don't do that. That's hot. You'll get burned. So why does
01:02:06.280 he, why does he do that? Because he trusted me, he trusted me and he didn't want to get hurt. So I
01:02:13.480 protected him from getting hurt because I gave him information that he needed to know. And then he applied it
01:02:19.880 in his life. So that comes from me being willing to give him information and him trusting what I say.
01:02:27.500 Yeah. Yeah. That's powerful, man. I, gosh, this is just, we could talk about this stuff all day
01:02:32.940 because of how important it is. I, um, I'm curious if you've gotten over the guilt and the shame,
01:02:42.520 uh, and, and also with your relationship with your, your now wife, her name is hope too. Is that
01:02:49.840 right? Yeah. That's wild. I'm sure that's a, that's a, you, you felt that like that was a divine,
01:02:56.020 uh, intervention there. I'm sure. Oh, a hundred percent. But how do you,
01:03:02.280 how do you guys deal with that? Are there things where it gets your past gets drudged up? Like
01:03:07.320 maybe somebody recognizes you, uh, or, or she hears something and now she's got to contend with that
01:03:14.720 and you've got to explain it. Like, how do you guys deal with that kind of stuff?
01:03:19.000 Yeah. So, I mean, for, for me, it's like, um, so your, your past only has power over you if you
01:03:25.280 allow it to, but if you choose to own your past, it no longer owns you, you own it. And for her,
01:03:31.960 like she knew me. So I'd been out of the industry for two years when I met her and I was not following
01:03:40.000 Jesus for five days before I met her. So she never knew me as that person. So it, it never impacts
01:03:50.300 our life. She's like, why would something you did 10 years ago impact our marriage or our home? Or
01:03:58.400 she's like, it has no relevance. So see, and I got to push on that just a little bit. And I'm not
01:04:04.120 saying she doesn't believe that I'm sure she does, but I don't, I mean, this sounds like an incredible
01:04:09.020 woman, to be honest. Like, I, I, I don't know how I can't see or fathom how a woman's like, Hey, 1.00
01:04:15.860 you know what? That doesn't matter. What, what happened? Like, yeah, that's incredible to me.
01:04:21.620 Because I mean, so like if, if like from like for her, it's like, well, she believes the Bible is
01:04:28.280 true because Jesus said the Bible was true. And what the Bible says is when you give your life to
01:04:34.460 Christ, you're made new. So second Corinthians 517 says the old is gone, it's passed away. Now
01:04:39.900 you're a new creation. So if that's true, then I'm not who I used to be. So while there's evidence
01:04:46.760 of the life that I used to live, the person that she knows today, she can't like, she can't relate
01:04:53.760 to that. And in, in, in addition to that, you know, she's never seen pornography. So like I say
01:04:58.020 pornography, I might as well tell her that I used to be, you know, I used to be a Martian. I lived on the
01:05:03.040 mark. You know, I lived in Mark, you know, it's like, she has no, uh, it's not relevant to her.
01:05:08.820 It doesn't make sense to her. So, um, I think like that has a, has a large part to do with it
01:05:14.460 because of the way that she's lived her life and the way that she sees the world allows, because
01:05:19.080 like I told her, I'm like, Hey, um, I was in the porn industry. I did over a thousand films and she
01:05:24.060 looked me in the eye and said, well, a person is not defined by the worst thing they've ever done.
01:05:27.500 And surprise, guess what? They're not defined by the greatest thing they've ever done either.
01:05:30.980 God defines who a person is. Do you know who God is? And I was like,
01:05:35.640 I think so. And then she pushed in a little further and she was like, well, um, you're,
01:05:41.840 you're asking me if I, she wasn't asking me if I knew about God. She asked me if I had a relationship
01:05:49.060 with God and have I allowed him to interweave into my life and allow me to see myself in the world
01:05:56.980 and people differently because of who he is and what he's done and his truth overriding the truth
01:06:03.120 that the world advocates. And, um, so, so, so very different. So she sees the world differently.
01:06:09.540 So she saw me differently and the way that she saw me, I couldn't see myself because I was saying,
01:06:15.140 Hey, I am my behavior. She's like, no, you're not. That's ridiculous. Like, why would,
01:06:22.020 why would you, why would your identity be grafted into your actions? Like what you do is not who you
01:06:31.160 are. That's insane. And I was like, well, that's what I believed with every ounce of my being until
01:06:38.280 that very moment. But when I stopped seeing myself as my actions, everything changed. So,
01:06:45.940 and then just really just like lust and love. So it's like for me and just in reality, so lust and
01:06:52.200 love are not like similar. They're polar opposites because lust is it's, it serves you. It's easy.
01:07:00.340 It's easy to give into lust. Love takes work. It takes sacrifice. It's not about you. It's about
01:07:06.020 other people. It's putting her first. Lust is about putting yourself first. Um, so, um, for me,
01:07:11.940 the first time that I truly fell in love and experienced love, um, what we have is not like
01:07:19.880 anything I've ever experienced. So not, not only did I have a new plan and purpose, um, in my life
01:07:28.220 and things that I was passionate about and, you know, removed demonstrative behaviors and, and, and,
01:07:34.580 and thinking, but also like the relationship that we had, it was so different than anything I've ever
01:07:42.340 experienced. I didn't know how else to, to act, but, um, but like, it was true. Like this is something
01:07:51.540 new. What are some of the ways that, well, I'll say it this way. There's a lot of guys who are
01:07:57.000 listening, myself included, who are working to overcome their own temptations and their own demons
01:08:02.020 and their own struggles and challenges, whether it's addiction, pornography, drug addiction,
01:08:07.560 womanizing gambling, um, or maybe it's just a set of really difficult circumstances, medical
01:08:13.520 issues, loss of a loved one, loss of a job, financial issues. What are some of the things that you
01:08:20.000 employed on your path to changing your life around that proved to be invaluable for you as you
01:08:27.800 try to become somebody new? Yeah. So for me, um, I had to take inventory of my life. So number one,
01:08:41.640 it was like, I need to take inventory of my life. Who is speaking into my life and the people who are
01:08:48.200 speaking in my life, are they leading me in a direction that I want to go? Um, you know, is,
01:08:54.220 is my input aligning with my output? Like, am I eating in a way that aligns with my goals?
01:09:01.860 Do it, do I have, um, the things that I consume, the, the books that I'm reading, the music that
01:09:07.220 I'm listening to, the movies that I'm watching, um, the, the social media that I'm consuming,
01:09:12.200 the people that I'm following, are these in alignment with the direction that my life wants to
01:09:18.640 go. If they're in contention with that, it only makes sense that I remove them. So for me,
01:09:24.540 I had to remove things that were contaminating my life that were either holding me back or keeping
01:09:31.440 me, um, contaminated or keeping me broken because I wanted to optimize my life. You know, that that's
01:09:37.640 the way that we, we find capacity. Right. So we're just like in weightlifting, right? So, uh, you,
01:09:43.040 you, for someone to, to, you know, to understand like what explosiveness wins, like, you know, uh,
01:09:49.500 force production equates to power. And so if I'm doing like a power clean, for example,
01:09:54.860 if I don't hit triple extension, which, you know, I have a bar in my arms and if I don't extend my
01:10:02.020 ankles, my knees and my hips, I'm not going to optimize how much power I could create because I
01:10:10.360 didn't maximize how much force I could apply. Life is that same way. There's a life that I could
01:10:17.620 live, but I'm there. There's things that I'm going to have to cut out. And there's things that I'm
01:10:22.220 have to implement so that I can optimize my life. So to optimize your life, I needed to cut out anything
01:10:28.620 that was essentially holding me back. And then at the same time, not only can I have to cut them out,
01:10:35.520 I need to put a boundary in between myself and things I don't want to do. I need to put a boundary
01:10:42.180 between myself and things I didn't want to do. So for me, um, you know, I, I was addicted to
01:10:47.720 pornography and masturbation because that's just, that was just part of my world. So for me, I had
01:10:52.920 to, I stopped taking my phone, um, or tablet or computer into my bedroom or bathroom. Um, for me,
01:10:59.680 I had to go really extreme. I had to start like using a loofah and not even a washcloth. I didn't touch
01:11:05.500 myself until I, unless I absolutely had to, I had to get a rat, but like, you need radical obedience
01:11:11.480 when you're struggling. Sometimes it's like, um, it's, it's irresponsible for someone who was
01:11:17.360 addicted to alcohol to walk into a bar two weeks clean. It's just irresponsible. Like, why would
01:11:24.580 you put yourself in a place to do something you don't want to do? Why put yourself in a place to
01:11:30.020 be tempted beyond your, your capability of resisting? Like, why would you do that? So for
01:11:36.360 me, I wanted to put myself far away from things I didn't want to do. Um, so for me, for a season,
01:11:41.180 I had to delete social media. It's not, it wasn't even about like checking who I was following.
01:11:46.160 I had to completely delete it. Um, and then just like practical things. It's like, if, if I was like
01:11:54.160 tempted to be promiscuous, it's like, or like lusting after girls or whatever, like, don't like
01:12:00.140 set up shop behind a bunch of girls wearing leggings on the stair master. Like, that's stupid. 1.00
01:12:05.660 Like, why, why would I put myself in those situations? You know, like, don't like that's 1.00
01:12:11.120 fire. Don't go near it. I'll get burned, you know, just, but it's common sense, but it's like,
01:12:16.360 we, we're not willing often to remove things from our life because what we do is we, I think
01:12:26.100 sometimes we confuse, um, comfort with intimacy and, um, or, or just like, we, we, we just like
01:12:33.980 misconstrue, like, what is like something I need. And because it makes me feel a certain way, I feel
01:12:40.160 like I'm justified to have it, or it's this like big inconvenience that I remove it from my life. But
01:12:46.120 like, for me, I love drinking diet Coke, but when I, when I, when I drink diet Coke, I, it, it normally
01:12:52.700 causes me to snack with like chips or whatever. So it's like, if I'm trying to tighten up a little
01:12:58.900 bit, it's like, I'm not going to have soda in the house because if I have soda in the house,
01:13:02.900 it's going to lead to this. And it's like, do I love drinking diet Coke? Sure. Like, do I still drink
01:13:07.520 it when I go out like to dinner or whatever? Like, yeah, but I'm not going to have it in the house
01:13:11.460 because what it's going to do, it's going to lead me to do something that I don't want to do.
01:13:15.220 And it's not in alignment with goals that I have in the way that I want to live my life. So I have
01:13:21.280 to put boundaries in place and that, and that's sometimes what that looks like. And at the end
01:13:25.060 of the day, I need someone to be accountable to. And I think for every man, you need to be leading
01:13:31.180 someone and you need to be being led by someone. You need to be leading someone and you need to be
01:13:38.760 being led by someone from a Christian perspective. That's, I need to be discipling someone and someone 0.70
01:13:45.500 needs to be discipling me. And you, and you never get, you never grow out of that. And regardless
01:13:49.340 of what capacity in business, like I used to own CrossFit gyms. I used to have an online personal
01:13:56.260 training business. You know, I did ministry for a while, worked in churches, um, operate nonprofits,
01:14:02.340 no matter what, like, no matter what you're doing in your life, there's someone that's gone farther. 0.98
01:14:08.400 It's more successful that knows more in your ignorant. It's your pride that stands in a way
01:14:14.660 from saying, Hey, I need someone that, you know, maybe it's just once a month or every other week,
01:14:19.800 but I need someone that I can go to and pour into me in some capacity. And then in addition to that,
01:14:26.680 it's like, I need to be pouring it out to someone that there's like, there's, there's a generation
01:14:32.160 of people that are ready to go. They want to do things. They want to get reps. And, uh, man, uh,
01:14:38.220 if you know how to do something well, the best thing you can do for you or them is, is teach them.
01:14:45.820 One of the things that I like most about what you've done is I hear from so many men who think
01:14:50.580 that their past is what disqualifies them from helping people moving forward. Like I've done this.
01:14:56.400 So I can't lead. And you've taken that concept and completely flipped it on its head by owning it
01:15:02.760 is what you'd said. And not only does your past not keep you from doing it, it's actually your
01:15:09.120 past that gives you credibility and more power to be able to do this in a way that somebody who
01:15:14.960 maybe hasn't been into the industry or doesn't struggle with porn will never understand.
01:15:20.800 Yeah. And I think the beautiful thing about that is, uh, especially from a vulnerability standpoint,
01:15:24.840 it's like, Hey, uh, if I'm willing to put my cars on the table and my cards are much more gnarly than
01:15:30.160 yours, and you're going to be quick to say, you know what? I've actually, I struggled with this
01:15:35.300 and this, or this has happened in my life. Right. And, um, and also it's like in, in any area of life,
01:15:42.400 like the only way you learn to do something is you do it. Right. So it's like, uh, getting,
01:15:49.120 uh, like getting your, getting your pride in check and learning to be humble, it causes you to fail
01:15:55.480 forward because a lot of people are afraid of failure, but actually failure is a good thing.
01:16:00.680 If you learn something from it, because if you didn't get that rep in, you never would have been
01:16:06.160 exposed to it. And if you learn how to fail forward, it's like, okay, I tried to do this thing
01:16:11.600 and this person gave me this opportunity and I messed it up. But what I did, um, I get to see what I did
01:16:18.120 wrong. And if I got someone in my life, it's like, well, uh, they can tell me what I did. Right.
01:16:22.840 So, okay. I, I can, I, next time I do this, I'm going to implement this different strategy
01:16:28.800 and the mistake I made, I'm not going to do that again, but you never would have known that that
01:16:34.540 thing was going to trip you up if you didn't get that rep in the first place. So, or if you listen
01:16:39.260 to somebody else, sure. Yeah. I'm like, Hey, I wish I would do that more, but I'm like, you tell me not
01:16:45.000 to touch the stove. I'm like, but it looks really cool. And I want to touch it. Are you sure?
01:16:49.620 Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. Yeah. Joshua, I appreciate that. I think we all are,
01:16:54.800 uh, we shouldn't be, but we are, I appreciate the message. Tell the guys how to, uh, connect with you.
01:17:00.900 You've got a new documentary. I think that's coming out very soon, an eight part series,
01:17:04.480 if I understand correctly. So let the guys know where to go and how they can learn more about what
01:17:08.300 you're doing. Not only your work here, but your pastoral work as well.
01:17:11.700 Yeah. So everything I'm doing, you can find on joshuabroom.me. Um, all my social media is I am
01:17:21.000 Joshua Broom and there's about 200 fake ones. So if there's no blue check Mark, that's not me.
01:17:26.680 Um, I'm not asking you to donate to a random orphanage and calling you brethren and beloved.
01:17:32.900 That's not me. Don't fall for that.
01:17:34.600 Or sharing about a cryptocurrency. You're not doing any of that or anything. All right. Got it.
01:17:38.840 Yeah. That's not me. Um, but yeah, so it's, it's a project that my buddy, uh, Lee Shelton and I put
01:17:45.720 together. It's called unmentionable. You can find out more information about that. Um, unmentionable
01:17:51.980 podcast.com, but it's an eight part deep dive into the history of the pornography industry. Um, my life
01:18:01.360 growing up, my life in college, um, we went back to Hollywood. We enter, we interviewed people who are,
01:18:07.820 um, in the industry, out of the industry, um, want to be in the industry, um, organizations that are for
01:18:15.720 the industry, organizations that oppose the industry, um, encapsulate some of my, uh, my time in,
01:18:21.860 in, uh, in DC. So I've had the opportunity to speak at Capitol Hill a few times. I'm on the task force,
01:18:28.660 um, at the white house, just trying to navigate through what does it look like to create legislation
01:18:35.940 to protect kids? Like that, that's the heart of it. Like, yes, there's an opportunity to
01:18:40.960 take down stuff and implement, um, clear consent within the industry and, um, increase the, the age
01:18:48.780 that people in enter the industry. There's all this stuff, but my heart is to protect kids, um,
01:18:55.440 from the, from pornography because I'm seeing it just ruin so many lives, so many homes, ruin
01:19:01.620 marriages. Um, so it's called the protect act and what's really amazing. So Senator Lee in Utah has
01:19:08.480 signed off on it and it's made it to the floor, but Louisiana actually started implementing it before
01:19:14.720 it even passed. So, um, it's getting, I think I did hear about that recently. Yeah, I did where
01:19:20.080 they're requiring certain sites to have age verification and things like that on it. If
01:19:25.220 I understand correctly. Yeah. So if the bill passes, um, any, any website with like sexually
01:19:34.500 explicit, like, well, there's, you know, there's a lot of like what deems sexually explicit, but
01:19:38.980 any sites that are specifically sexually explicit, you would need to produce a government issued ID
01:19:45.680 to access that site. So you're giving your data to, uh, you know, a third party and yes,
01:19:52.240 it's encrypted, but still you're giving real information to someone saying, yes, I want to
01:19:58.400 watch porn. And, um, I think the heart behind that is to protect kids, but also, um, I think it'll be a
01:20:05.660 healthy, um, a healthy barrier make people think twice. Yeah. Well, brother, again, I appreciate you.
01:20:12.760 Thanks for sharing all this. I know it's going to be impactful for the men who listen. It is for me
01:20:16.420 too. So I appreciate the work you're doing and whatever I can do to help. I'm all on board. So
01:20:20.500 you just let me know. Yeah. Thank you so much, brother. And, uh, and, uh, so we are in office
01:20:25.720 in McKinney and there's a few guys here who are just huge fans of your podcast. So I told them this,
01:20:31.980 what I was doing today in a meeting earlier, they were like, yeah, when I'm down there, um, I'll let
01:20:37.120 you know, we'll connect and we'll sync up. We'll do something in person. Yeah, that'd be great, man.
01:20:42.760 All right, you guys, there it is. This is a conversation that needs to be had. And Joshua
01:20:48.480 is obviously somebody who, uh, is a credible source of information regarding the dangers
01:20:53.880 and destructiveness of the pornography industry and how viewing and partaking and, and letting
01:21:00.300 this vice into our lives is very, very dangerous, not only for us, but also for those that may 0.73
01:21:07.640 be somewhat trapped in the industry as well. So I, I asked for one thing today and I'm only
01:21:13.460 going to reiterate that I don't need anything else, but I asked for one thing, please share
01:21:17.980 this episode, wherever you're listening right now, there's a share button, click that little
01:21:22.500 share button and send a text to one, five, 10, a hundred people that, uh, would get value
01:21:31.260 from the conversation that we had today. A lot of times it's hard to have conversations
01:21:36.500 about this kind of stuff with people in our lives, but if you can just direct them to
01:21:40.300 a resource, that's not only a way to serve them, but also it's, it takes some of the
01:21:45.100 discomfort out because they're getting it from additional credible, uh, sources. So again,
01:21:50.140 please share, uh, take a screenshot right now, post it up on, on the gram, on Facebook, on
01:21:55.100 Twitter, tag me, tag Joshua, uh, let him know that, that you listened to us here, uh, on
01:22:00.940 the podcast and let's get the word out. Let's make this the biggest episode that we've
01:22:04.500 done to date. Those are big shoes to fill, but I think if one podcast needs to be the
01:22:10.740 most shared, the most visible, it's this one. So please do that. Uh, other than
01:22:15.960 that, check out the battle ready program, order a man.com slash battle ready, and
01:22:20.080 really just go to work guys. Just go to work. We're all trying to become better.
01:22:23.280 You wouldn't be listening to this if that weren't the case. So do that and let me
01:22:26.340 know how I can help and serve you. All right, guys, we'll be back tomorrow for our
01:22:30.040 Ask Me Anything. But until then, go out there, take action and become the man you
01:22:34.420 are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready
01:22:38.900 to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite
01:22:43.000 you to join the order at orderofman.com.