Order of Man - KEITH YACKEY ｜ The 5 Dials to a Powerful Marriage

00:00:00.000 Marriage is one of the most challenging yet rewarding pursuits for a man. Unfortunately,

00:00:04.540 very few of us have ever been taught how to successfully navigate the dynamics between

00:00:09.000 men and women. And all too often, it leads to headache, heartbreak, and divorce. Today,

00:00:14.500 I'm joined by marriage expert, Keith Yackey, to talk about these dynamics and how to successfully

00:00:19.760 build a long and thriving marriage. We talk about the ROI, return of intimacy in marriage,

00:00:25.340 how a man gains his power back after giving it away. The mommy matrix is something that he calls

00:00:30.560 it. Why seeking her validation will backfire. And also the five dials of a powerhouse marriage.

00:00:37.060 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears and boldly charge

00:00:41.740 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time you are not easily

00:00:47.820 deterred, defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who you are. This is

00:00:55.080 who you will become at the end of the day. And after all is said and done, you can call yourself

00:01:00.400 a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler. I'm your host and the founder of

00:01:05.640 the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome here and welcome back. If you're new to the podcast,

00:01:11.660 we are giving you information that is going to help you become a more well-rounded, capable, fulfilled

00:01:18.620 man. So if you're a husband or a father or a business owner or a community leader or none of those

00:01:24.680 things, but you just want to be a better man, then you've come to the right place. We have these

00:01:28.660 interviews. We've got our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council. We have events. We've got all

00:01:33.680 kinds of things, programs and courses available. So if you are new, make sure you dive in, subscribe

00:01:39.660 and check out what we've got, because I think it's going to be a big help for you. That's our goal.

00:01:43.600 Anyways. I also want to mention really, really quickly, our friends and show sponsors, origin USA.

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00:02:30.140 the code order or D E R at checkout, because you'll save some money when you do. All right, guys,

00:02:35.600 with that said, let me introduce you to my good friend and also a personal mentor. His name is Keith

00:02:40.600 Yackey. I've learned so much from this man about not only running a business, but how to make myself

00:02:46.260 a better man. As I tried to improve my role as a father and also a husband, Keith is an extremely,

00:02:53.420 extremely successful entrepreneur, comedian, and marriage coach to hundreds of men across the world.

00:02:58.780 And he's using his personal experience, both successes and failures to teach men the ins and outs,

00:03:04.220 the do's and the don'ts, and the interpersonal dynamics between husband and wife. Again,

00:03:09.820 he's personally helped me so much. I know this conversation is going to enlighten you. Enjoy.

00:03:16.480 Keith, what's up, brother? Great to see you.

00:03:18.640 Ryan, great to be here, man.

00:03:20.080 We've had lots of good talks over the years, I would say, but we've only done one podcast together.

00:03:26.640 So I figured we were about due for another, another formal conversation.

00:03:30.760 I'm in, bro. I'm in. I'm excited about it.

00:03:32.660 Yeah. Well, what I wanted to talk to you about is marriage. This is a conversation that we tap dance

00:03:42.360 around, that we talk about, especially as it relates to being a better man. Of course,

00:03:47.000 we want to be better husbands. And we've had some great conversations even over the past couple of

00:03:52.540 months. And I thought, man, what better person to have come talk about some of these concepts

00:03:56.920 and to break this down? Because it's so hard. I feel like this will be beneficial for me just as

00:04:03.320 much as it will anybody else, but it's just so hard to be a good husband. I don't think it comes

00:04:11.260 naturally. For me anyways, and I'll let you, I promise I'll let you talk. But for me, it feels like

00:04:18.660 being a businessman comes really natural, but being a good husband is something that I

00:04:26.120 like deliberately and consciously have to work on. Otherwise I'll let it fall through the cracks.

00:04:31.940 Yeah. Well, you know, actually I think it's because being a businessman is praised in our society. And

00:04:37.760 actually, if you think back to what you didn't know compared to what you know now, I would probably

00:04:42.560 dare say that being a businessman is way harder than being a husband in terms of the skills you

00:04:48.520 actually have to learn. Bro, I was a carpenter making $9 an hour. I had no idea how to do

00:04:55.880 anything business wise, but I at least kind of in the beginning felt like, well, I should just love

00:05:02.180 my wife like somehow, but what that actually means feels like a whole different language. So I totally

00:05:08.880 agree with what you're saying. The feeling of man, business seems like, well, this guy wants this,

00:05:13.260 I can provide it for this and he'll give me the money. Let's go about our business. Whereas the marriage

00:05:17.420 thing is like, wait a second. So you said this, but you mean this. And like, so I, I agree with

00:05:22.180 what you're saying wholeheartedly. And I just think it's what our society praises versus what

00:05:27.040 our society doesn't praise has a lot to do with it. Do you agree with that?

00:05:30.940 Yeah, I think to a degree. Sure. But I don't really feel like I'm trying to gain the accolades of

00:05:36.180 somebody else by being a good businessman or being a good family man. I think it's more of what you

00:05:42.140 talked about where it's hard to interpret. So, you know, if your wife, for example, says or alludes,

00:05:47.860 she probably won't even say it, but feels like you don't, you don't love me. It's like, what are you

00:05:52.560 talking about? I do this work. I say these things. I do this. I do that. Well, none of that means I

00:05:58.000 love you. Yeah, no, it does. Cause that's like the way that I share it. But in business, it's like,

00:06:02.640 oh, your prices are too high. Check. Got it. I'll lower my prices or I'll work with somebody else.

00:06:08.120 Right. Yeah. Good point. It's way more tangible and measurable than, than to use your, the name of

00:06:14.860 what you do, than the married game is. Yeah. Yeah. Well done. I agree with you. I agree with

00:06:19.740 you wholeheartedly. It's in business, you can go, hey, my bank account's low. I must not be doing

00:06:24.800 very good. Whereas in marriage, you're like, my wife left me five and a half years ago and said,

00:06:30.240 basically you run your business, you come home and talk about your business and you fall asleep on

00:06:34.420 the couch. And when she actually said, my life would be better without you in it. And her and

00:06:38.740 my two-year-old daughter left, this was over five and a half years ago. It wasn't as obvious to be

00:06:44.220 like, oh shit, I only have seven grand in my account. I better really start hustling. So you 0.99

00:06:48.960 know what? You're right. The, the indications of whether you're doing good or bad are way different

00:06:53.300 in marriage than they are in business. So you know what? You're a hundred percent right.

00:06:56.540 Well, so what indicators do you suggest that men look at? Like, how do you know if things are firing?

00:07:03.320 Cause I know how I feel. Yeah. And, but I don't know how she feels all the time. I mean, there's,

00:07:08.120 there's obviously clues and hints and cues, but sometimes we miss them or we just were oblivious

00:07:13.100 to them. But what indicators should we be looking at? Well, um, okay. So every guy I've talked to when

00:07:19.220 their wife's about ready to leave or has left, or she's no longer, you know, initiating, uh, connection

00:07:25.160 and intimacy and the, you know, the stuff that we as guys really like, we, um, I came up with a,

00:07:32.620 a system to be able to actually check. What are the checkpoints to know whether you're being a good

00:07:37.580 husband or not? Because I didn't see it readily available. And when my wife left, it actually,

00:07:42.060 it caught me by surprise. I was like, wait a second. Okay. I understand. I'm, I may not be as good as I

00:07:47.800 was in the beginning, but I can't be so bad that you're actually literally saying your life would be

00:07:51.640 better without me in it. So it totally sideswiped me. And, um, when I said, Hey, why didn't you just

00:07:57.520 tell me straight up? She goes, I did tell you straight up. And I'm like, nah, let's rewind the

00:08:02.180 tape. I want to go all the way back. Now, what I've learned about women is that they, uh, they talk, 1.00

00:08:07.260 they talk covertly, whereas us as men talk overtly. If you're out of line, I'm like, Hey, Ryan,

00:08:12.080 you're out of line. Or if I say something stupid, that's kind of stupid, but women aren't that way. 1.00

00:08:16.600 And I've discovered that they're, they don't speak as overtly as us do. So the 1.00

00:08:21.580 things that I've been able to figure out to know personally, if, if I'm on point within my

00:08:27.680 marriage are something I call the five dials and that we can jump into those. And it's just a

00:08:33.140 simple metric that you can track to find out, Hey, am I doing very good or not? And then if she

00:08:38.640 decides to leave and yet, you know, you're doing good on all the points, then you can realize, Hey,

00:08:43.060 maybe this just wasn't a fit. And then you can part ways rather than feeling desperate and

00:08:48.000 disempowered and just trying to clamor for any affection at all. You can be empowered. I'm like,

00:08:53.000 no, wait a second. Hold on. I'm a great parent. I'm a great partner. I'm a great producer. I'm a

00:08:57.360 great player. I'm a great, I stand within my power within my marriage. Like I'm actually doing the

00:09:02.920 work. And I think that's where I was mistaken. I didn't know what work to actually do to create

00:09:08.540 a thriving, hot and like sexually intimate relationship. So we can dive into any of all of

00:09:14.500 that. Um, I would like to, one thing you said though, I want to hit on is the part ways thing.

00:09:19.120 Cause I, you know, you jump on any, any, uh, marriage Facebook group or any, you know,

00:09:26.060 man's type group for on social media or whatever. And guys will say, Oh, just get over. She's not 1.00

00:09:32.400 worth it. And she's not there. Just get over it. Move on. It's time to move on. Oh, she cheated on. 0.98

00:09:35.980 You'll move on. Yeah. That would be great. I'm sure there's, I'm sure there's so many men that are

00:09:43.320 listening to this right now. I'd be like, yeah, I'd love to do that. I will. I would love to move

00:09:47.440 on. I would love to just get over it, but it's not always that easy, of course, because you love this

00:09:53.880 woman, but what is it about these dials? Is it, are you saying these dials then help you to get to

00:10:01.680 that point? Well, yeah, well, because most, most times when like for our experience for me and I've

00:10:06.820 walked, you know, I've had a couple of hundred dudes come through my program and I've worked with even

00:10:11.560 beside that, like 75 guys trying to get their actual exes back. And what I've learned in those

00:10:17.060 situations is most guys trying to get their ex back or their wife, that's about ready to leave

00:10:21.200 back. They, um, they feel a deep amount of regret because they didn't know what to do specifically.

00:10:28.160 Even though when I'm explaining these dials, you're going to be like, Keith, this is so simple. I'm

00:10:31.800 like, I know this is why it's so maddening. Cause you're like, if I just do this simple shit, 0.99

00:10:36.720 she would be so happy. And yet I didn't do it. And so now I felt like most guys feel the 0.99

00:10:41.980 regret. They're like, Oh my gosh, I want one more chance. And a lot of times it's too late for the

00:10:45.500 woman. And so what these five dials can actually do is show you where you're like, it's, it's for me,

00:10:52.920 it's an objective standard that I can test myself against to give myself proof, whether I'm really

00:10:59.560 actually doing the work or not. So I found most guys regret that they can't go back and actually do

00:11:04.880 the work to get their wife back. Yeah. I mean, too little, too late. Right. Isn't that like,

00:11:09.300 that's, that's the story of, of all of our lives. Like we all have regrets. We all have things.

00:11:14.760 And, and I've even said, Oh man, I just, I wish I could rewind the clock. Well, yeah,

00:11:18.640 but you can't, right. And that's, that's the trick. Yeah. That deep regret. So how do you then

00:11:25.960 overcome that regret? If you've got somebody in your life who is moved on or is moving on,

00:11:31.000 you know, like, like, like a lot of times happens, like, how do you, how do you get over

00:11:37.000 the pain of what happened in the past? And you might even acknowledge that it was your doing.

00:11:43.080 Yeah. Well, I've discovered that 95% of the time it is actually the guy's fault.

00:11:48.880 And I know that's a big number and it's not me beating on men. It's just me wanting to say,

00:11:53.220 Hey, this is what I discovered is the truth is once I realized I was the problem that gave me hope

00:11:57.780 to realize that I'm actually the solution. And, um, there's a couple of things that we believe.

00:12:03.220 And when I say we, it's like the community that I serve and like, and these are the like

00:12:07.700 tenants that we hold. So when I say that, I understand that probably not all men believe

00:12:11.860 this, but what I believe is that the, if there is a metric that you can stand up against, for example,

00:12:19.400 we talked about the bank account. Like if my bank account is growing and my customers and clients

00:12:24.340 are happy, that's a metric that I can go, Hey, we're winning. We've got a satisfaction score

00:12:28.700 and we've got obviously money coming into the bank. Well, a lot of guys, we don't have that

00:12:32.460 for marriage. So I came up with the five dials. We're like, Hey, this might not ease the pain

00:12:37.640 temporarily, but it will at least give me an understanding on how I need to move forward

00:12:42.560 for the next person. And a statement that we say all the time is, uh, what we do is we become

00:12:48.100 the most attractive version of ourselves for ourselves. Like I'm pushing to become physically

00:12:54.480 better, financially better. And these types of areas for one reasons, because it's a standard

00:13:00.680 that I hold that I want to live up to. And regardless of my wife appreciates it or not.

00:13:06.540 And that's because a lot of guys give away their power. They're seeking validation.

00:13:10.720 Oh, I hope my wife likes this. I hope my wife, um, gives me an attaboy. I hope my wife,

00:13:15.180 and we do a lot of things just for our wife's approval, as opposed to living up to the standard

00:13:19.920 that we know is that we should be really setting for. So these, these dials actually set up what

00:13:25.140 standard do you want to live by? Regardless of somebody will appreciate you or not for them.

00:13:30.880 Which is it's, it's ironic because the more I've realized that I do that, the more attractive I am,

00:13:36.760 not just as, as a potential husband, but a business partner, uh, you know, just, just in general,

00:13:44.420 like the more attractive I become when I care less about what other people think and their

00:13:49.280 approval and more about me being able to validate myself.

00:13:53.600 Yeah. But most people can't validate this self because they have no way of validate.

00:13:57.320 There's no, there's no benchmark to validate themselves. So we seek validations from others

00:14:02.360 because we can get something back. Validating yourself is really, really difficult if you don't

00:14:06.860 actually like yourself or trust yourself or believe in yourself. And most men actually don't do what

00:14:12.080 they say they're going to do when they say they're going to do it. So the subconscious or

00:14:16.300 whatever that brain that, whatever that part of the brain that keeps you and I breathing while

00:14:19.640 we're sleeping and all the things and our heart ticking and all the stuff that we don't consciously

00:14:23.800 think about doing that piece of the brain. If it knows that when you say you're going to get up at

00:14:28.920 six and yet you put your alarm on and you get up at seven every morning, it knows you're a liar. 0.64

00:14:32.860 And so it's like, we would never trust anybody that lied to us or at least not twice. And so

00:14:38.620 if, if we have no metric to a standard, if I go, I'm going to get up at 6am every single morning and

00:14:44.500 I do it, my confidence is built and my belief in what I say is going to happen actually happens.

00:14:50.420 Then I actually care about validating myself. Most men don't care about validating themselves

00:14:55.000 because they look at themselves and go, who am I to be validating anybody? Cause I've never done

00:14:59.960 anything. Hmm. So is it, is validation just, uh, um, a measurement of keeping promises to yourself?

00:15:09.320 Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Cause I'm, I'm just trying to think about other sides of it. Uh,

00:15:16.860 you know, one way that we, as men validate ourselves is through our income. Yeah. So, but,

00:15:22.640 but I, I know as my income has gone up over the years and it has steadily gone up,

00:15:27.360 like, I don't feel more validated, which is the, like, I don't feel more validated than I did before

00:15:35.200 because I happen to be, have an extra zero at the end of my income than I did the previous year.

00:15:39.420 Yeah. But we chase those things for sure. Well, it's competence, you know, a bank,

00:15:44.100 a bulging bank account shows somebody who's very competent at something. And so we derive a lot of

00:15:49.160 confidence from our competence. You know what I mean? Like if you come into my world and whatever I

00:15:53.880 happen to be expert at, I'm going to feel really confident about it. But if I stepped into somebody

00:15:57.760 else's world and I wasn't confident about the thing, I immediately am like, I'm not here to

00:16:03.080 validate anything because I don't have any, I, uh, no leg to stand on. So I think that, I think that's

00:16:08.320 a really valid point. Yeah. Well, what are the five dials? So you went, you, you said them briefly,

00:16:13.380 but let's go through the first one. What's the first? Okay. So I look at, so a lot of guys,

00:16:18.140 when they talk to me or end up coming to me, they, their wife has already said, I love you,

00:16:22.060 but I'm not in love with you. Um, or three things I, I say that you're, you're in the pit within your

00:16:28.100 marriage. And I deal specifically with connectedness, intimacy, sexuality, not sexuality,

00:16:32.960 but being sensual and sexual. I deal with straight dudes. So it's not sexuality with dudes like women

00:16:39.320 and she's judging you on these things. And, and, and if she doesn't initiate like sex with you, 0.84

00:16:45.140 if she doesn't enthusiastically participate in, in the actual act with you, or she cares more about

00:16:50.920 the spreadsheets, then she does the bedsheets, then she's just not attracted to you. And that's 0.99

00:16:56.120 what we find is what the reason why women leave is they're no longer attracted. They're no longer 1.00

00:17:00.120 leaning in. They're no longer saying, wow, I want to be in your presence. I want to be so close to

00:17:04.500 you that literally I want you inside of me. So what happens is they start to repel and they start to

00:17:08.660 roll their eyes. They don't really care about what you say anymore. And they start to get distracted.

00:17:13.100 Well, the reason all of that happens, I think mechanically is she's judging guys and women are

00:17:18.340 judging their men on these five things, which we ended up calling the five dials. So she's checking

00:17:23.540 to say, are you a good parent? Well, hold on. Before you get to that, Keith, you said something.

00:17:29.480 Okay. And, and we've had this conversation before about attraction for men. Most of the,

00:17:37.260 I would imagine just generally speaking, for the most part, physical attraction is the heavy

00:17:42.680 emphasis. I would imagine at least initially. Right. Yeah. A hundred percent. So you've got

00:17:48.000 to be physically attracted, but I think for women, the weight distribution is different. I mean,

00:17:52.760 physical attraction is still important, obviously, but I think it's not as important as the weight that

00:17:58.520 she gives to, um, an emotional attraction or, or an attraction because she'll feel secure or safe

00:18:06.340 physically and emotionally with somebody else. So it doesn't seem to be as much physical as it is

00:18:11.800 emotional attraction. Yeah. We're, we seem to be wired differently and put more heavy emphasis on

00:18:17.820 what it is attractive for us. If we see the right breast to hip ratio and immediately like something

00:18:23.500 goes, I mean, we can see a woman from like a hundred feet away and not even know what she looks 1.00

00:18:27.660 like, but just simply by her form go, Oh, okay. What's going on there? Women probably have that to a 1.00

00:18:32.900 degree, but you're right, man. They want to know, are, are, am I safe? Am I secure? And it even goes,

00:18:38.340 I think even deeper in that. And when it really comes like to intimacy, because what I've found,

00:18:43.200 Ryan, like if, if we're being honest, dude, guys like to get laid and we like to get paid,

00:18:46.940 you know what I mean? Like that's, that's honor. Like I want to build my business and I want my

00:18:50.360 wife to absolutely want me. And, um, you know, everybody knows the statement that, you know,

00:18:55.420 all guys want is sex, but I actually think they want something more than that. They want to be

00:18:59.040 wanted. And so sex is the manifestation of that. Yeah. It's the, it's the, it's the fruit on the end of

00:19:04.560 the tree, but the root that causes that fruit to actually blossom and, and to bloom is understanding

00:19:11.060 what is important to her. And for her, she wants like women, they, they respect man who has resources 1.00

00:19:18.660 because that's, he's a leader and women want to be a leader, be with a leader, because that's then 1.00

00:19:24.800 going to make sure that her genes get passed on. Whether you believe in evolution or not, I personally

00:19:29.860 don't believe in evolution. I believe in a creator, but I think that we were wired in such a way that

00:19:36.160 a woman looks to a man of resources and said, that is my best bet to be able to have offspring 1.00

00:19:41.480 and to perpetuate our race. So I think that, that, that when it comes to attraction, there's a lot of

00:19:47.400 that. That's why a guy like me who I'm not Brad Pitt clearly. Okay. Right. That's what I was going

00:19:52.280 to say. I'm like, you're, you know, your, your wife is way more attractive than, than you deserve.

00:19:57.160 I mean, I'll just go ahead and throw that out there. Hey, Hey, you might not be wrong.

00:20:06.180 Objectively speaking, you're right. But listen, a guy like me who has, I've been with hundreds of

00:20:11.420 women. So it's not clearly, it doesn't, it's not, you have to look this certain way to be able to do 0.71

00:20:16.240 that. There's other things that cause women to be attractive. And when it comes to like short-term 1.00

00:20:20.800 attraction, one night stands that that's a different topic, but what you and I are really interested in,

00:20:25.920 in the movement that you've created, you have attracted men who are in a monogamous long-term

00:20:32.800 relationship with a woman. And usually after a couple of years, things start to go sideways or

00:20:38.240 the fire starts to, you know, die out. And guys like, what is going on? How the heck do I fix this?

00:20:45.780 And so they don't, there's a lot of misinformation out there. I hate saying that word. Oh my God.

00:20:51.760 It almost felt bad coming up. I know it's certain things have just been ruined. Certain,

00:20:56.780 certain words have been ruined and you can't use them in any other context, even though it makes

00:21:00.420 sense. Right. So it's missing. I call them pseudo solutions because there's a lot of guys trying to

00:21:05.060 teach how to get your wife to fall back in love with you or to be intimate with you again. And they

00:21:09.600 throw out stuff like buyer gifts or, you know, happy wife, happy life, do more around the house,

00:21:16.500 you know, um, these types of things. And almost every guy has tried all those logical things

00:21:22.580 and they actually do not work like hardly ever, if ever. And a lot of guys like, what the heck,

00:21:28.640 dude? I go, listen, your battle. The reason why the logical stuff doesn't work is because you're

00:21:32.480 not fighting a logical battle. You're fighting a psychological battle. These women's brains is 1.00

00:21:37.340 their largest sexual organ. It's where attraction is in the brain. She wants to know, can this guy 0.51

00:21:42.680 provide for me? Is this guy going to raise kids with me? Is this guy still going to be fun? So

00:21:46.960 this is where I came up with the dial because I'm watching these pseudo pseudo solutions,

00:21:51.000 not work. And every guy's trying them. Like every guy's tried to buy his wife a nice gift,

00:21:56.860 hoping he'll get lucky. Every guy's tried to take out the trash and do the dishes and clank them

00:22:00.620 around a little extra every to try and get lucky. And yet what I'm proposing is if you understand

00:22:05.900 these five dials, luck has nothing to do with it. I believe there's an actual science to getting your

00:22:10.500 wife radically turned back onto you, not just in the bedroom, but like a lot of guys want to sit 0.96

00:22:16.660 and watch a movie with their wife and cuddle and hold hands. And like, you know, they want that,

00:22:21.580 even though, you know, porn and all this other stuff has pushed us to make guys seem like they

00:22:25.480 only just want penetration and that's it. No, dude, I've discovered guys, we want to walk.

00:22:30.380 You know, I went to Disney with my wife and held her hand. So this has been a dream of mine

00:22:34.020 since I was 13 to want to walk through Disneyland with my girlfriend. And here you are at,

00:22:39.500 I'm 44 and here you are. My dream is realized. Do you know what I'm saying?

00:22:43.720 Yeah, for sure. No, I definitely, I mean, I feel the same way. It's not all just about that.

00:22:47.480 There's other things, there's other ways to connect that I'm interested in.

00:22:50.260 Yeah, for sure.

00:22:51.580 So what are the five dials? So the first you said is what?

00:22:54.460 Okay. First one is parenting.

00:22:56.220 Okay.

00:22:57.100 She has birthed this baby nine months in her oven, or she's baked this baby for nine months, 0.86

00:23:02.820 then births it out to the world. Her job biologically is to raise this kid to survive and then to thrive. 0.99

00:23:08.780 Like literally that is her number. It's in her wiring. And so when guys, when we really dropped

00:23:15.420 the ball and I'm the first to say, my wife said, after we had our first kid, I had three other with

00:23:19.840 another woman on my first divorce. But when my wife told me, you're such a bad dad, I don't even

00:23:26.560 want to have another kid with you. Like that was about as low as I could have possibly got.

00:23:30.420 Yeah. And the reason why women are judging us as dads, because again, it's back to that resource 1.00

00:23:38.600 thing. And I know that women will love their kids more than their husbands a hundred percent of the

00:23:44.900 time, a hundred percent of the time for one simple reason. Moms don't divorce their kids, but wives 1.00

00:23:52.420 divorce their husbands all the time. And so it's just, it's just what's in plain sight. Well,

00:23:57.580 I was such a bad dad that it was, it was such a turnoff. But now that I'm an excellent dad,

00:24:03.560 my wife's like, it's such a turn on. Why? Because again, resources, I'm raising this child, 0.97

00:24:09.120 infusing it with my wisdom to how to become a winner in this life. And so our wives are simply 0.99

00:24:13.840 looking at us. Is this guy a good dad? Most of us would probably say, yes, I was the piece of shit

00:24:19.560 that was, I was not a good dad. So she's judging you on that and judging, not just you, but all of us, 1.00

00:24:25.500 our wives are judging us to say, we had this baby. Are you going to be present in any way,

00:24:30.700 shape or form? Now, I believe our society is probably, this is more heavily weighted now 0.93

00:24:36.040 than maybe it was back when we were tribes. And our one goal was like, dude, if you don't kill

00:24:40.420 a buffalo this month, we're all going to die. So I understand that modern society probably puts

00:24:45.120 more emphasis on this than probably in history past, but it is a big deal now.

00:24:50.740 Yeah. I would even, I don't even think you have to go back that far. I would say 50,

00:24:54.780 60 years ago, dad went out and he made the money and he came home and food was on the table.

00:25:00.120 And look, that's nice. I mean, that's, that's pretty much my, my arrangement now. I mean,

00:25:05.740 I work at home, so I'm here, but my wife is a stay at home, a mom and homemaker and housewife, 0.99

00:25:13.200 and she takes care of the kids. But in modern times, that's not as common. And besides like,

00:25:19.520 I don't want to just be the paycheck. I actually like my kids. I actually do want to spend time

00:25:24.760 with them. I do want to see them thrive. I do want to hear about what they're concerned with.

00:25:29.220 And I want to see what victories they have and what setbacks and failures are there with. I'm like

00:25:33.820 you. I am not always great at that. It's very easy. I think I alluded to it earlier for me to focus,

00:25:39.920 get heavily focused and fixated on the business side of things, on the money and the business and

00:25:44.980 the numbers at the expense of my family. Dude, we've all done it. And it's just an

00:25:51.580 indication that you're not all in on the thing that she's all in on, or that you don't care.

00:25:55.900 Like you created this thing too. And so she's like, can I trust you? And my wife couldn't even,

00:26:01.100 wouldn't even go out for girls night. She couldn't even trust me to be alone with our daughter. 0.97

00:26:05.060 That's how bad it was. Like maybe I'd be on my phone and not pay attention. And so it was just a

00:26:09.020 turnoff for her. And if my punchline for married game is that she's just not that attracted to you,

00:26:14.580 she's just not that into you anymore. Well, this is a major reason why.

00:26:18.540 Yeah. Cool. All right. So what's, so what's next? So we got parenting.

00:26:22.580 Partnering. Partnering. Like actually feeling like a partner in this. Like,

00:26:26.500 are we in this together, man? And, and I like to even like kind of co-phrase this as the best friend

00:26:32.860 dial. And am I actually there listening to her because I care deeply about what's going

00:26:39.000 in her life? Or am I just putting in some minutes on a clock, hoping that I can go upstairs and get

00:26:43.240 lucky. And you said something, man, uh, just about the last dial, like you're like, but I actually

00:26:48.140 really like my kids. That's what your wife is wanting to hear that you actually like your kids,

00:26:54.160 that you are the guy who actually wants to listen in. If we feel like somebody is doing anything just

00:27:00.340 to get something from us that reeks of taker energy. And so my wife wanted to know, Keith,

00:27:05.280 do you actually like me or like, do you like the whole of me? Or do you just like the whole in me?

00:27:11.300 That's a, that's a clever little phrase that we say around here. And my wife just wanted to know,

00:27:15.960 do you actually like me? Or am I just a walking vagina? Because that's what I feel like right now, 0.99

00:27:21.160 Keith. And nobody likes to be felt like they're being used for one thing that they have. None of us

00:27:25.480 like being feel, feel like we're being used. And so the best friend dial is, am I actually showing up?

00:27:31.020 Am I helping with the kids when I'm there? Or am I just on the couch in my own little world while

00:27:36.340 everybody else is living? They're like, you're not even here. Like why even be here if you're

00:27:39.860 not even here? And so I look at it more like the present style. Like if I'm in, am I in? Or am I

00:27:46.160 wandering? And they can tell a difference and everybody can tell this, whether it's guy,

00:27:50.760 girl, or otherwise. Yeah. That's, that's crucial is to be well. And the other thing I've noticed too,

00:27:56.320 at least in my situation, I'm sure everybody else is like this, especially for men is like,

00:28:03.280 we want to fix things. Right. So, but, but we do it out of pure mode. I believe it's pure motive.

00:28:08.600 Like if my wife is struggling with something, I want to help her. Yeah. I want to fix it. I want to

00:28:14.720 help her. Yeah. Not because I want something out of it, but because I don't like to see her struggling.

00:28:19.940 Yeah. And I feel like I have something to share. Yeah. And one thing I've really been trying to do

00:28:25.820 since you and I have been talking even about my, in my own marriage is just listening, you know,

00:28:32.420 just, just trying to listen and, and that's it. Yeah. Like she said something to me the other day.

00:28:40.280 I said, Oh man, that, that must suck or something. I'm like, yeah, that's, I can see why you'd be mad 0.95

00:28:46.060 about that. And that was it. So much more receptive. Yeah. Opened up so much more than

00:28:53.180 me saying, Oh, well, you know what you should do. You should talk to that person and you should tell

00:28:56.200 them this and this and this and this, but she already knows that. You know what? We hate this

00:29:01.040 when guys do this to us too. Even though guys like to solve each other's problems. I was in an event

00:29:04.960 not that long ago. And I was saying, Hey, I'm struggling with this thing. And this guy who I didn't

00:29:09.320 even think was credible to giving me an answer immediately started to try and give me an answer. And I'm like,

00:29:14.140 bro, that was seven tries ago, dude. Like you're so far. Like, and we, it was like,

00:29:19.260 you don't even have a clue what the hell you're talking about. Can you be quiet? And I'm like,

00:29:23.080 Oh my God, this is what our wives think. When we're trying to solve a problem about shit, 1.00

00:29:26.700 we don't even know anything about, but it is naturally that we want to run like we're problem 0.99

00:29:32.160 solvers, bro. Well, I was, I was thinking about it when, and we all know this, this is not new advice

00:29:38.700 for men is just, just listen. We don't have to solve, but I was thinking about it in a way as we

00:29:46.040 listen, actually we are providing the solution because she needs somebody to talk to. She needs

00:29:54.040 somebody to open up emotionally to. So the fact that, and I've, I'm not good at this. I'm, I'm,

00:29:59.780 I'm trying to work on this and get better at this, but the fact that you can be there and just

00:30:05.720 listen is providing the solution or the outlet that she needs emotionally, especially providing

00:30:13.140 a solution. Yeah. Especially you, especially me, cause we're their guy, like we're their leader.

00:30:19.960 Like they're looking to us for like, Hey, I need, I just need to, if we're the rock, 0.99

00:30:24.340 then this is where you want to throw your shit on the rock. So who can, so that's an interesting one 0.98

00:30:29.940 too, is so if we're the rock, when you say that I've heard a lot of people talk about

00:30:34.460 creating the space is the term that, that people will use. Like you have to create the space

00:30:41.160 for her to be emotional, be vulnerable. Like, like, what are your thoughts about that? Like

00:30:49.560 men are not, not even creating holding space. I think is the term that I hear. I'm like,

00:30:53.780 Hey, what does that mean? Holding space. What are your thoughts about that?

00:30:57.140 Dude, we could do a whole episode on this one because this is one I really like a lot,

00:31:01.220 but let me sum it down very shortly in this. You are the tree that she wants to lean against

00:31:07.920 so that she can trust that she can dance underneath your branches. That's what I believe.

00:31:13.000 And so the masculine guy says, bring all your stuff. I'm not going to get defensive. I'm not

00:31:19.280 going to try and solve it. I'm going to be this place for you just to push on. It's why women test 1.00

00:31:23.860 so much. They're trying to test. Can you handle me? Can you hold me? Can you deal with this? Or

00:31:30.800 are you just an owner's manual for if this goes wrong, try and fix this. And so therefore a lot

00:31:36.640 of guys are just owner manuals and they're not actually redwoods. They're not actually trees

00:31:40.000 that my wife can bring something to me. And rather than me get defensive, I can be like,

00:31:43.720 yeah, you know what? You're probably right about that. I probably did do that stupid thing.

00:31:48.100 And actually I would feel horrible and like a piece of shit. If I, if I responded my, you know, 1.00

00:31:53.220 if you responded that way to me, I wouldn't like that either. And like literally hold space means

00:31:58.700 whatever you're saying doesn't affect me. I'm not going to lose my shit over it. I can actually be 0.99

00:32:04.480 here and be sturdy and solid and let you go through your thing without me being affected.

00:32:10.740 That is the pinnacle of all of it. And, and, and very few guys can get there because we all get a

00:32:15.060 little bit defensive, but if we're just saying, Hey, listen, I can handle any of the shit you 0.98

00:32:19.560 throw at me because I'm capable. I can handle anything. That is a guy that is a real leader 0.99

00:32:25.540 and a real men among men and a woman. They are radically attracted to that.

00:32:31.020 So where is their space? If there is any for a man not to have to be the tree, right? Because we

00:32:37.740 have our own stuff too. Like we have our own baggage. We have our own stories that we've concocted and

00:32:44.320 told ourselves and we have struggles and concerns and fears is, is that appropriate to communicate

00:32:52.900 to your wife? And if it is, how do you share those things with your wife?

00:32:56.520 I share most with my wife because she's a little different than most, but every guy would probably 0.99

00:33:01.300 say that, but this is why men need other men to be able to talk about their itch. Like my wife 1.00

00:33:06.300 doesn't know what it's like to walk through this world with a penis. Same way. I don't know what 1.00

00:33:10.300 it's like to walk through this world as a very beautiful woman that every guy wants to approach

00:33:13.800 and talk to. So there's very different things, but as the leader, I look, maybe this sounds archaic.

00:33:18.940 I don't care. I look at myself as leader, the head of this household that when it all boils down to it,

00:33:23.920 it all rests on my shoulders. So I, I have to be able to, this is just how I show up. I want her to

00:33:31.120 be able to bring her worst day to me and to find comfort and strength by me being her man. And I don't

00:33:39.440 expect her to do the same. I can go talk to my couple of best friends and go, Hey man, I got this, this,

00:33:44.460 and this going on. You would understand because you're building a business. You've got a penis. 0.90

00:33:48.280 You know what these struggles are. So I'd rather talk. So personally, I'd rather talk to dudes 1.00

00:33:52.580 about certain things than my wife, because I don't, I don't feel like it's my responsibility to throw

00:33:57.120 it on her shoulders. And I would agree with that with the exception of, you know, my wife will say,

00:34:03.240 Hey, I want to know what's going on. Like, I want to know what you struggle with. And I think

00:34:06.340 probably most women are like that to a degree. They don't, they don't want a baby. Like they 1.00

00:34:11.560 don't want somebody to babysit and to cry, you know, uncontrollably on them. But I think they do want to

00:34:17.340 access that part of us that we tend to, at least I do, tends to wall off again, for noble reasons.

00:34:25.080 I think my motive is I don't want to burden her with that. Yeah. And yet she's asking for it.

00:34:31.820 I think it's the timing. So rather than this big thing came up and dude, I will share like issues.

00:34:38.820 If something big comes up, Hey, listen, I'm dealing with this, but it's the, I think every energy is

00:34:43.780 everything, energy behind what we do and how we do it is everything. So if I come to my wife and go,

00:34:48.720 Hey, listen, I'm dealing with X, Y, and Z. It's a real stressor for me. I'm not putting that on your

00:34:53.420 shoulder so you can help me figure it out. Even though I know you'll want to help me figure it out.

00:34:57.560 Or I put my burden on you for you just solely to figure it out. But I just want you to know,

00:35:01.780 I'm working through it. So that way, cause Jesse loves knowing everything about me. I mean,

00:35:04.680 she answers questions in here. She jumps on the podcast with us. So my wife likes to know what's 0.96

00:35:10.160 going on, but she doesn't want to feel like she has to be the answer or the solution to my problems,

00:35:15.660 but she does want to know, are you working through it? And I'm like, yeah, I'm working through it.

00:35:19.180 So I sometimes will have my own coach. I have a coach about a lot of things, but I'll be like,

00:35:23.520 I'm working through like business stuff. She wants, she doesn't care about the minutiae, 1.00

00:35:27.620 but I will tell her, Hey, listen, we're trying to grow from here to here. And I'm running into

00:35:32.580 these roadblocks and it's pretty frustrating. You know what I mean? Or if I just come home

00:35:35.980 frustrated, like what's up? Like, Hey, there's some things at work that are kind of

00:35:39.140 frying my brain a little bit. And I'll just ask her, Hey, can you give me five or 10 minutes? I need to

00:35:43.000 go sort through it. Cause I don't want to bring that energy into, into what we got going on here.

00:35:46.820 Yeah. That's kind of how I approach it. No, that makes sense. You're letting her in

00:35:50.600 and sharing. Um, but you're doing it with the right energy, which is, Hey, I got this. Just

00:35:54.960 want to let you know what's going on. So you're not left in the dark. Cause I think that's what

00:35:58.440 I tend to do. And a lot of guys I would imagine as well is leave their, their wife in the dark

00:36:03.740 about what's going on. And then she's left over there trying to guess and assume, which isn't

00:36:08.600 going to go correctly. It's not going to go right because how could it, how could it, if she's

00:36:12.880 guessing. Um, and so, yeah, just having those open lines of communication.

00:36:17.560 Yep. That's exactly right.

00:36:19.040 What's the third dial. So we have parenting, partnering, uh, producing.

00:36:23.360 Okay. And this one comes naturally to our DNA, man. We're wired.

00:36:27.000 I was going to say, this is where I'm solid.

00:36:29.540 Yeah. Yeah. We, we, uh, not every guy is, but guys like you and I are, you know what I mean?

00:36:33.820 And there's a lot of guys listening to this podcast that follow you that are always trying. I,

00:36:38.600 my guess is you haven't got to a spot where you're like, that's good enough. I haven't met

00:36:42.640 a lot of hard charges. Like you and I go, that's enough because we were created to create. So in

00:36:47.500 the creation brings about a great, about a fulfillment for us. And so building something

00:36:52.240 that provides value to a marketplace that actually solves a problem is what you and I love doing.

00:36:57.160 This is what this podcast does, man. You've got millions of dudes tuning in saying, I need to

00:37:01.640 learn something about X, Y, or Z. They listen to this and they go, wow, that actually helped my

00:37:06.280 world. So it creates a lot of fulfillment for us as men. The problem is that oftentimes we say we're

00:37:11.980 building it for our family, but yet we're not around or even enjoying our family at all.

00:37:16.380 And so what we're unknowingly asking them is, Hey, do you mind hitting pause on our life for 10

00:37:22.120 years before I can do, I can go build up something that I can return and then say, Hey, aren't you glad

00:37:26.280 about this thing I built? When in reality, uh, your woman's like, I want to be a part of that creation 1.00

00:37:33.020 with you. Like, I want to know, like, like you said earlier, they want to know what's going on.

00:37:36.880 So, um, we're good at this guys fall into two traps. Number one, workaholics. So they're never

00:37:42.520 with their family or number two. Um, and this is actually what happened in my case. My business was

00:37:48.420 on autopilot doing very, very well. And I kind of took a back seat and started, uh, hanging out and

00:37:54.120 chilling, popping Chipotle burritos. Like they were tic-tacs and the ambition and the drive that really

00:38:00.520 attracted my wife to me was kind of fizzling out. She's like, what's dude, you want to take over 0.99

00:38:05.060 the world when I met you now, all you want is takeout. Like what is going on here? And so they

00:38:10.560 lose attraction for a man that's not on their mission, but they also lose attraction for a man

00:38:15.200 who's only on his mission and doesn't care about them. So there's that fine balance. And I say this

00:38:20.920 men, women are wired to, they don't want cloth seats for the rest of their life. Eventually they want 1.00

00:38:25.840 to upgrade to leather and understand that they're wiring. Then be that man who has resources. And

00:38:32.360 that's, again, it's just being a man of resources. All right, man, I'm going to take a step back from

00:38:38.020 the conversation very quickly. Now, Keith and I talk about the importance of having male

00:38:41.980 relationships, especially as a married man. I personally know how challenging it can be when

00:38:47.880 you don't have other men to lean on and bounce ideas off of and hold your feet to the fire.

00:38:52.740 Uh, but that continues to be a challenge, which is why I started the iron council over seven years

00:38:58.080 ago. When you band with us, you're banding with other men who have shown that they're interested

00:39:02.280 in doing the same and are on the path to becoming the best men they can be. So to learn more and

00:39:07.620 band with us, head to order a man.com slash iron council. Again, order a man.com slash iron council.

00:39:13.780 We're opening up in two weeks. So you're going to want to put your name and your email address in

00:39:17.300 there. So you can be one of the first to be notified when we open up December 15th, again,

00:39:22.200 order a man.com slash iron council. Now let's get back to it with Keith.

00:39:28.360 Well, and I know in addition, well, you said it when you said, uh, they want to do it with you

00:39:33.400 is that at times I've made my wife feel like, Hey, you're independent, you're strong. You can do this 0.93

00:39:39.860 on your own. So you go do that. And I'm going to go over here and take care of this. And then we'll

00:39:43.920 reconvene at some point. Right. And, and actually she's right. I really admire her for her strength

00:39:51.500 and her independence, but we take advantage of that. Right. She's like, Oh, she's fine. She's

00:39:56.480 fine. She's good. She's fine. Well, we go over here and do our own thing. And then hopefully at

00:40:00.920 some point, you know, and, and all the while, I think she probably would have been fine with having,

00:40:06.180 you know, an upgrade. Sure. But she doesn't need the maximum. If that means that we're not going to

00:40:12.760 be there emotionally for her and the kids. It's a direction thing. It's like, are we moving in the

00:40:18.420 direction towards our goals? And do I feel like we're doing it together? If she doesn't feel those

00:40:22.080 things, she's going to start to lose attraction. So that's where that second dial, the partnering 1.00

00:40:25.860 comes in. Yep. Yeah. Okay. So we have together and most guys, Ryan, these first three,

00:40:32.100 we should be decent at, you know what I mean? Like, Hey, you should want to raise your kids. You should

00:40:36.220 want to talk to your wife and you should provide. Right. Well, I think one of the challenges though,

00:40:42.380 so I'm looking at this and it's like, all right, let's look at, let's look at my situation,

00:40:46.700 you know, parenting. I feel like I'm a good father. I know I love my kids. I haven't always

00:40:51.180 been a great father. I'm not always present. I lose my patience and my cool at times.

00:40:57.260 So I feel like I'm doing it, but maybe I'm not, you know, or with partnering, it's like,

00:41:03.020 okay, well, I'm providing an income. I, we have this home, we have these things. And so I feel like

00:41:09.040 I'm doing it, but maybe I'm not actually doing it the way that she would like to see it. Same thing

00:41:14.280 with production. That's the challenges. We think we're doing it and we are according to our own

00:41:19.360 definition, but I think it gets lost in translation a bit between the two sexes.

00:41:24.000 Yeah, that's, that's a good point. And here, here's something else to consider. And it is

00:41:28.160 putting a metric to each of these things to know whether you're actually hitting a standard or not.

00:41:31.880 And so for me, on my parenting dial, I have to spend 30 minutes a day with my daughter alone,

00:41:36.920 one-on-one time where I don't get my point for the day.

00:41:39.280 Hmm. So that's a metric.

00:41:40.600 That's where the game component comes in.

00:41:42.160 This is where the game component comes in where it's like, all right. So for me,

00:41:45.840 because that's, we're saying like somebody gets to set the standard and hopefully it's you and

00:41:50.900 hopefully it's a high one. And the higher the standard you set and the higher the standard

00:41:54.900 you hit, the more fulfilled you're actually going to be inside your life. I believe striving for

00:41:59.420 something worthy is what creates so much joy within us and creates the real fulfillment inside of

00:42:04.720 our soul. So for me, I have talked and hung out with my daughter for 30 minutes a day,

00:42:09.900 every single day for such a long time, unless I'm traveling, that metric changes and it becomes

00:42:14.800 a FaceTime or a text. But dude, that my daughter was like a barnacle on me. She just, and I, and I 1.00

00:42:22.300 know my brain, I know the average amount of time a parent actually spends with their kid is I think

00:42:27.420 it's 37 minutes a week. Whoa.

00:42:30.720 And I would dare say that that's, they're counting like driving to football practice. I don't,

00:42:37.200 it's rare for a guy to just sit down with his kids and be like, I don't got this, nothing,

00:42:43.360 but just what are we doing? You and me. And so that's a metric for my partnering thing is do,

00:42:48.100 is there something I do every single day that helps Jesse as a partner? For me, I make her her green 0.99

00:42:52.500 drink every morning. You know what I mean? I put, you know, her stuff, I shake it up. So when she

00:42:56.720 comes downstairs, it's there. And she says, Keith, honestly, still, I've been doing this for a few

00:43:00.720 years, still 90% of the time she goes, Oh, he made that for me.

00:43:05.240 Oh, I was going to ask on that, like doing those types of things, like on a consistent basis daily,

00:43:10.140 for example, does it just become an expectation at that point? And it loses some of its, its efficacy.

00:43:16.680 Maybe, maybe, but I can tell you after doing green drinks for like

00:43:21.620 three and a half years now, if it, yes, there's an expectation. Like if I don't have it, she'll

00:43:29.020 joke and they go, where's my green drink? I'm like, Oh my God. Well, I was surfing and the waves were

00:43:33.340 amazing. I forgot to make it or whatever. But it, it does kind of become a standard, but I actually

00:43:39.060 kind of think that's a feature, not a flaw. If I'm being honest, because now it's like, we've set

00:43:43.960 the standard for brushing our teeth every day. If we don't, we're like, Whoa, that feels awkward.

00:43:47.420 So I've set the standard that I'm going to make her green drink every day. So if it doesn't make,

00:43:52.620 it becomes awkward. It's like, Oh, well, that's not the standard. So I, so maybe there's some

00:43:56.600 blowback on it, but I like, I think the positives outweigh it. Well, I don't, I'm not saying it like

00:44:01.320 it's a negative. I'm just saying it becomes an expectation. And then do you need to do something

00:44:06.040 else in addition to that, to get that spontaneity back, you know? Yeah. You know what? Yeah. Because we do

00:44:13.320 as humans love novelty. We like when things are switched up a little bit. So yeah, there's,

00:44:17.980 there's other, like for me, it's like helping like a partnering thing for me or really showing

00:44:24.020 that I'm in this is rather than say, Hey, let's go on a family date at five 15. And I show up at

00:44:28.820 five 14 and 45 seconds. Like I'm here. I show up now at five Oh five and say, Hey, how can I get

00:44:34.100 our daughter ready? How can I, how can I help show that I'm in this thing together? You know what I

00:44:39.940 mean? Um, I'm going to say a really funny story that a lot of guys will so relate to, but I asked

00:44:44.000 my wife the other day, uh, we got home late from one trip and we were leaving literally the next

00:44:48.140 morning for another trip. I said, Hey, how can I help you out tonight? She goes, Oh, do you mind

00:44:51.220 scooping up the poop outside? It's my dog. It's actually not on my, I'm not the poop scooper in our

00:44:57.800 family. Um, I've got many other jobs, but that's not one of them. And I started literally like

00:45:04.480 debating with her. Like we should hire somebody for that. And let's delegate this off. And she goes,

00:45:08.040 dude, listen, you asked me one question. How could I help you? I told you it. So do you want

00:45:14.360 me to like pick something that doesn't really help me? So it's, it's approved on your list or do you

00:45:17.860 want to just fucking help me guy? Yeah, exactly. Oh my God. I'm such a dodo bird dude. Like this 0.97

00:45:23.880 was three weeks ago, Ryan. And I'm good at this. So it's like those types of things that if they ask

00:45:29.500 me for something, yeah, let me do that for you. That, that these are like practical ways I can show up

00:45:34.820 as a partner. My wife was sick yesterday. So I went over to CVS and got a bunch of shit for them.

00:45:39.280 So that way they could, you know, heal up and whatever partnering point. Got it. Got it. All 0.99

00:45:44.820 right. What's next? So we got parenting, partnering, producing. Now these next two are the ones I think

00:45:49.840 are the absolute, I call them the lady boner killers of all lady boner killers. And these are 0.99

00:45:53.780 them. All right. Number one is the player, the player knob. Guys are just not any fun anymore.

00:45:59.180 And I always jokingly say, you know, to quote the great, the great American poet,

00:46:04.740 Cyndi Lauper, girls just want to have fun. And yet as guys, because we're so busy building,

00:46:11.900 we forget that that feminine energy wants to dance underneath our branches, but it will only dance 1.00

00:46:18.020 underneath our branches if it knows the tree's not going to fall down. And so having fun, um, I,

00:46:23.980 I, I, the simplest analogy for me is this dating. When was the last time you took your girl on a

00:46:31.400 date? That was like really like meaningful. That was fun. That, that would, that you would take

00:46:35.680 somebody on a first date like that. And that's, then that's the, I just go, if we, if most guys

00:46:39.860 I say, when's the last time you went on a date and they're like, Oh, like six weeks ago, I go,

00:46:43.060 you mean 12. And they're like, okay, 12 weeks ago. I go, what did you do? And then they go, well,

00:46:47.920 we went over to Home Depot and picked up some parts for the house. And then, you know,

00:46:50.700 swing through the Chick-fil-A drive-thru. And I'm like, well, no shit Casanova. No wonder you're 0.99

00:46:57.200 not getting more ass than a toilet seat, dude. Like you literally are not like, that's not a date. 1.00

00:47:02.600 That's not fun. That's nobody's excited about that at all. And so what we need to do is like,

00:47:08.440 how do we show that we're in this and we're still dating and take her out of the house and out into 0.84

00:47:13.640 environment. The house is where dude, she's raising kids, stepping on Legos, dealing with PTA homework, 0.98

00:47:20.060 bullshit, all that, right? Take her out back into the wild where you met her, where you danced with 0.95

00:47:25.780 her, where you had fun with her. Guys, when they say I do, it's as if they act as if it's done and

00:47:33.020 as if they've come through the finish line. In reality, you're just stepping into the starting

00:47:36.660 blocks, creating and maintaining real fiery attraction, real connectiveness in a marriage.

00:47:44.040 marriage does not happen by accident. And fun is a big precursor to that. And it's not just,

00:47:50.060 and it's not lavish dates. It's when's the last time you guys sat around and belly laughed with

00:47:54.780 each other or danced in the living room to that song that you guys both love. And so when the fun

00:48:00.460 gets pulled out of it, the flirtingness, if you think about every sexual relationship, it always

00:48:06.680 starts off with a little bit of mystery and a lot of flirting. There's always that sexual tension

00:48:12.180 there. Well, to create that, you have to continue to keep that. You have to create the environment

00:48:18.080 that that was also built in, which is going out on fun dates. And all it is is saying,

00:48:23.260 I'm going to give you my time and energy for these three hours. Nothing else matters.

00:48:27.500 Because I care so much about the investment of us staying connected and being truly one.

00:48:33.800 And guys have forgotten that.

00:48:36.200 I like what you said there too. I think you just kind of, as a throwaway for you, but

00:48:39.340 I care about the investment. That means a lot because it isn't an investment. Because sometimes

00:48:46.220 I think about it, I'm like, oh man, date night, three hours or whatever. I've got this and I've

00:48:50.560 got that. And then Wednesday I'm here and Tuesday she's there. And then Thursday the kids are here.

00:48:55.400 It's like, ah, skip it. But if you want it, you have to invest, which an investment requires

00:49:01.140 sacrifice. Otherwise it's not an investment.

00:49:03.500 Yeah. Yeah. And I call it ROI is the return of intimacy. If you look, if you want true intimacy

00:49:12.420 and connect, because connection inside the bedroom is directly related to the connection outside the

00:49:16.680 bedroom, unless you're married to like some super nympho freak, which those are very, very rare.

00:49:21.040 And frankly, they're very exhausting to be around. Most of us are not in that situation. So the

00:49:26.760 connectedness outside shows that, hey, listen, I'm investing my time, my effort, my energy. Most people say

00:49:32.740 time is your greatest asset. I disagree. I think your energy is your greatest asset because you've

00:49:37.400 had all the time in the world with no energy to enjoy it. What would it be worth? You'd be a

00:49:41.220 vegetable. So the energy is very, very important. And when somebody knows that they have your energy,

00:49:47.160 planning, engaging, phone off, looking into this woman's eyes, caring about what she says,

00:49:55.700 well, you're giving her your greatest asset, which is your energy, which is your attention. And

00:49:59.720 attention is focused energy. And so I believe women in a long-term relationship desire and crave

00:50:05.200 the attention of a supremely valuable man over and above everything and anything. But most men are

00:50:11.760 not supremely valuable. And they don't give their wife actually a lot of attention. It comes down to

00:50:19.060 TNA. Both sexes love TNA. We like tits and ass. They like time and attention. It just is what it is. 1.00

00:50:25.300 Awesome. Yeah. All right. So what's the last dial?

00:50:31.080 The last, okay. So the last dial is the power dial. And this one actually is probably the most

00:50:37.960 important out of all of them. It's why guys that even if they're not that fun and they're pretty

00:50:42.620 bad on some of the other dials, if they have this dial in spades, their relationship actually won't

00:50:48.420 seem as off as any of the other ones. And it's the power dial simply means this. Do you do what you

00:50:53.340 say you're going to do when you say you're going to do it without fail? And what that means is,

00:51:00.560 can somebody trust you? Do they really trust that when you say you're going to do something,

00:51:06.580 you'll actually do it? And this is where I came up with the phrase, like my wife's not,

00:51:10.820 she's not worried about me going to cheat on her. I will not do that. I will not break my word to my

00:51:16.120 wife. She knows that. But her real trust is won over when I do what I say I'm going to do every

00:51:24.340 single time I say I'm going to do it, even in the small things. That's where I came up with the

00:51:27.880 phrase, when the trust goes down, the lust goes down. So it's like, I go, yeah, I'll be here at

00:51:33.300 a certain time. And then I don't, or I'll swing by and get something from the store on the way home,

00:51:38.060 way home from work. But then I don't, I go, oh man, it was crazy. And there's always an excuse for

00:51:42.120 why I don't actually do what I say I'm going to do. But I would never do that with a client.

00:51:46.500 I would never do that with a business relationship. And our wives are watching and they're like, 0.99

00:51:51.040 well, dude, you and just, you and Garrett just went on a seven day trip to Costa Rica,

00:51:55.420 surfing your brains out. And you planned every single detail. In fact, you even ordered jerseys so

00:52:01.540 you could have matching jerseys on the plane ride out there. Like she goes, I know what you're

00:52:05.520 capable of, dude. And yet you can't even swing by and pick up soup on the way home. Like,

00:52:10.700 so they see this radical difference in what we say we are and what we believe and what,

00:52:16.200 who we actually are and what we believe. And they're like, this is disgusting. You're not even

00:52:20.380 who you say you are. That's the power dial. And it, and it, and it wrinkles into some other things

00:52:26.060 like, um, you know, do you edit or audit your, these are questions that we ask within Married Game

00:52:31.820 at the end of every day. I ask myself this question, these four questions every single day.

00:52:35.280 Uh, number one, did I do what I say, what I'm going to do without fail? Like,

00:52:38.780 did I consciously make an effort to do that? Do I forget shit? Of course, that's what it really 1.00

00:52:44.960 means to be human. But blatantly push, pushing something off. You're not allowed to say, oh,

00:52:51.360 I'm just human. No, no, no. You're lazy, which is human. But did I do what I say I'm going to do?

00:52:56.260 Do I, did I edit or audit my shine?

00:52:58.240 What do you mean by that?

00:53:00.040 This is a, this is a big one. Editing or auditing your shine simply means, are you,

00:53:05.200 do you hold back who you really are because you're afraid you're not going to be accepted

00:53:08.660 for who you truly are? And so, um, I believe in a creator every single Sunday night. I spend,

00:53:16.380 uh, three hours with that creator doing my thing. I call up my time with my creator.

00:53:21.200 My wife doesn't believe in a creator. She's like, I don't know. She was, I'm not saying I don't,

00:53:25.380 but she got, I'm not saying I do. I just don't know. It's, I don't know. I didn't,

00:53:28.240 I wasn't raised that way. Um, I love the earth. I love humans, whatever, but I'm not sure if there

00:53:32.980 is, but I don't like not talk about my creator because she doesn't quote unquote, believe in one.

00:53:39.020 I talk about it. Like, well, if you don't believe in it, that's fine. But let's listen to my story

00:53:43.120 because this is how it works for me. And what my, I've been doing this meeting with my creator for

00:53:48.740 like 39 months straight. I haven't missed it once. And my wife's like, I don't know who you're 0.93

00:53:53.320 talking to or who you think is talking to you in there, but you're a much better man for doing it.

00:53:59.420 So I applaud you for doing it. So editing or auditing my shine. Most guys aren't necessarily

00:54:04.300 getting laid the way they want, or, and I say they get kind of thrown, they get thrown like a 0.75

00:54:08.540 crumb of connection or a crumb of intimacy every once in a while. So they don't want to upset the

00:54:13.660 apple cart by saying what they really believe about something. Cause they don't want that taken away.

00:54:17.500 Got it. And so they're there. So when you edit or audit your shine, you're not like being who you

00:54:22.900 truly are. And when you're not being who you truly are, what you really believe,

00:54:27.180 no human respects you. No, if dude, if you came out with a post tomorrow, Ryan, where you're like,

00:54:33.840 you know what? It is something different than what you've said, maybe about the trans community or

00:54:40.900 about masculinity or whatever. And by the way, can we speak in a masculine? Can we talk about this?

00:54:45.780 Yeah, man. You got it. Bro. I am, listen, I am 137 pages plus the introduction, which is fiber.

00:54:53.800 So I'm 140 plus pages in this thing. And I love it so much, man. I love this. I am so, I'm such a,

00:55:02.320 this is, I love it. I read it 10 to 15 pages every morning and I can't wait to read it. I sit right on

00:55:07.920 that. I love it. Thank you, brother. That means a lot to me. So if you said something opposite of

00:55:12.060 what's in your book or whatever, you're like, you know what, dude, I think I'm a trans woman. Now

00:55:16.220 we would all be like, what? Yes. That's not who you really are, Ryan. And so our respect for you

00:55:24.760 would be just crumbled and go away altogether. And so that's what happens when somebody is not

00:55:30.080 being truly authentically them. They're editing and they're auditing their shot. Like I got to be

00:55:34.620 this person around this person. I got to be this person around this person. It's like, no,

00:55:39.480 be you. I wear short shorts. You've seen my short shorts. People make fun of me. My daughter and

00:55:45.100 wife don't even like my short shorts. They don't even like them. And my wife's like, I know why he 1.00

00:55:51.320 wears them though. Cause he, I grew up being an athlete and when I wear their shorts, I feel like

00:55:56.640 I'm an athlete. That's all it is. I have great, amazing legs. Why? Cause I was an athlete and we wore

00:56:02.740 those shorts. And so I still wear them, not on date nights. Jesse's like, can you just not wear

00:56:07.540 them on date nights? Yes. Hey buddy. So then what would happen? Well, she realizes Keith's going to

00:56:15.540 be Keith and I respect the hell out of him for being a hundred percent who he is. Now I'm growing,

00:56:23.700 I'm learning and I do some stupid shit and I recognize that, but it's not because I'm worried 0.99

00:56:28.420 about what she thinks or you think, or anybody thinks I go, what makes Keith Yaki happy? I got 1.00

00:56:33.300 one roll at this, one roll of the dice at this game that I know of. So I want to be on me. Another

00:56:40.100 one is, uh, do you, do you, did you not, um, initiate sex for fear of rejection or if you were rejected, 1.00

00:56:48.920 did you become a pouty little bitch? Yeah, dude, I was the biggest poutiest bitch ever 1.00

00:56:55.700 when I didn't get laid. And it's like, that is not going to make her want to have sex with you 1.00

00:57:01.680 more, bro. Like, what are you doing? So, and I'm giving away the power I'm giving up. I'm saying 0.98

00:57:06.860 it. And we call it the mom matrix. A lot of guys like, um, they don't clean up after themselves

00:57:12.000 very much. They, they, they're seeking validation. They're doing things just to get something from

00:57:17.460 their wife and the power switches. So rather than a man being like, I'm stepping up for my family.

00:57:23.740 Hey, I'm being an awesome dude. I'm loving my wife. I'm being a part of my community. I'm

00:57:27.720 providing, I'm presiding, I'm protecting, I'm being this bad-ass dude. And then when I come to my wife,

00:57:33.520 I become like, Oh, wait, what do you say, mama? What are you saying? And she's like, you can't do

00:57:38.360 your, your underwear is one foot from the fucking hamper. What is your problem, child? 1.00

00:57:44.680 Yeah. Yeah.

00:57:46.000 She loses respect. Jesse came up to me one time. It's like, Keith, did you have a peanut butter and

00:57:50.260 jelly sandwich early? I'm like thinking she's Nostradamus. Like, how did you know? She's like,

00:57:54.780 dude, you left a claw, a glob of jelly and a fucking scrape of peanut butter on the counter. 1.00

00:58:00.400 You child. I'm like, ah, dude, bro. The number one rule of masculinity is carry your own weight. 1.00

00:58:08.920 And yet I'm walking around my house as if I've got this cleaning fairy.

00:58:12.880 Right. Right. Full retainer. It's like, dude, that is not the type of thing that makes a wife 1.00

00:58:19.740 go, wow. I can't wait to jump in bed with that man. So when we lose these things, did I do my

00:58:24.720 personal development for anybody else other than me? And did I get butt hurt that nobody noticed?

00:58:29.500 That's another question we ask ourselves. Yeah. It's a good point.

00:58:32.540 Because this is all validation seeking. I hope my wife, I hope my wife, because when I, when I,

00:58:37.480 when I, I actually the whole cause of why I'm doing what I'm doing deeper than anything, man,

00:58:42.780 is I feel like I'm a watchman on the wall, Ryan. And that's a, that's a harken back to an old

00:58:46.780 Testament, uh, you know, of, of being somebody on the wall watching during the night hour, that if

00:58:52.420 any enemies come in, we can sound the alarm so we can protect ourselves. And I believe that 80%

00:58:58.680 of divorces don't have to happen. And so I want to help. My mission is to help keep nuclear family

00:59:04.040 together. But the only way it's really going to stay together and thrive and be connected and have

00:59:10.340 intimacy and sex and all the things that we as guys want is by men truly being radically manly

00:59:17.140 and being like, I'm doing this for me. You know why I look awesome and have biceps? Because I like

00:59:24.040 them. Do I, do I like that? My wife likes them? Of course, but I choose how I show up in this world.

00:59:30.320 And so when you actually gain your power back, this is the biggest key here. If you gain your

00:59:36.200 power back by doing what you say you're going to do, living by a standard for you, becoming the most

00:59:41.280 attractive version for you, then what happens is if she doesn't actually like you at the best version

00:59:50.280 of you, then you can make a decision from power saying, then you don't get to ride shotgun in my

00:59:57.040 life anymore. Because I like me and I have a metric to show I'm actually showing up as a good

01:00:04.140 dude. And so most guys, when they go into divorce or if she leaves or they aren't having the intimacy

01:00:10.440 that they want, they become very disempowered and very desperate as opposed to being empowered and

01:00:17.620 be like, no, no, no, no, hold on a second. And so that's why I created the metric for it. And that's

01:00:21.540 why we created these, these power questions, because even if you're a great parent, a great partner, 0.99

01:00:25.980 great provider, and you like to have fun and play, if you're a pussy, and you don't stand in your 0.99

01:00:31.400 power, she's going to be like, I want to respect you, but I can't. And respect, I believe, is one of 1.00

01:00:39.420 the key foundations of why somebody would actually be attracted to you. And attraction means lean in,

01:00:46.200 dude, like my wife wants to be around me. This is what we're all searching for as men. And it's by

01:00:54.080 standing up for who we actually are. Not in that, not in like a, I'm not a dickhead to my wife,

01:00:58.800 but if she goes, you know, if she says some crazy shit, I'm like, well, I don't necessarily believe 0.98

01:01:02.980 that. But if, if that's working out for you, well done. Like I'm not swayed by it. That's power. 0.98

01:01:08.960 Yeah, it is. I love it, man. Oh, I feel it. And I, and we've been talking, so I feel it even just

01:01:14.640 outside of this conversation, like everything that you've shared with me, um, since we've known each

01:01:18.820 other, but even over the past several months has been really, really powerful for me.

01:01:22.120 Thank you, man. Well, all of that equals what we call the provocateur and the provocateur is simply

01:01:28.540 the man who provokes his woman to want to be around him. Like my wife is a, like for five and

01:01:36.220 a half years ago for her to leave and say, my life would be better without you in it to now 0.97

01:01:41.420 coming home from date night, she's like, pull over and let's have sex in the back of the escalade. 1.00

01:01:45.300 Like this is a very big leap. Okay. And it did not happen overnight, but it's built off of these 0.53

01:01:51.440 foundational principles of, okay, am I showing up in this way? And if I am, then I'm the best

01:01:58.180 version of me and isn't. And dude, you said it, you said it at the very beginning. You're like,

01:02:03.300 bro, I like being, I want to be with my kids because you've become a dad who, who does that.

01:02:11.240 This is all about becoming, this isn't three words to get your wife hot and heavy. So she'll want to 1.00

01:02:16.900 have sex with you. Three words don't work if you're not showing up. So this is more like, 0.99

01:02:21.580 Hey, dude, you've got to become the guy that any woman would be thrilled to be with. And that's

01:02:30.720 hard work. Like I always tell anybody who ever comes in our program, I said, I want you to

01:02:35.120 understand you just did the simplest thing there. What's that? I said, swipe your credit card.

01:02:39.200 That's the simplest thing that we do in married game. Cause now you're actually going to have to 1.00

01:02:43.180 show up and actually love this family the way, cause every goes, I want, I want to have rock

01:02:48.780 star in the sheets. I want to believe this. I go, but you're not a rock star. You want the feeling

01:02:53.800 of being wanted, but you're not wantable. You have to do something. You have to become wantable.

01:02:58.760 Then you'll feel wanted or else if you're not feeling wanted, you will not, you will not set,

01:03:04.180 you will not accept that as the standard anymore. And also it, it becomes when you become wantable

01:03:11.260 being wanted actually isn't really an issue. Like I, like the more that I work on myself,

01:03:18.920 the less I'm worried about how others feel about me. Exactly. Like, I don't need you to want me.

01:03:25.140 I feel good about, no, I like it. Yeah. And I'm not just talking about my wife. I'm talking about

01:03:30.080 friends. I'm talking about business partnerships. Like if it works cool. And if it doesn't cool,

01:03:36.800 like, I'm okay with that. And I'm not there. But you are in a lot of ways though, Ryan,

01:03:43.020 like is the business world, like is the business world, people want more things from you than you

01:03:48.340 want from them at this point in your career? Yeah. A lot of people, I would say. Yeah.

01:03:54.080 Yeah. Not everybody. There's always going to be a blue haired barista that doesn't like us. No,

01:03:57.960 I'm just kidding. But, but, but you, you have, but you've earned that. You've earned it. I've

01:04:06.280 earned the right to know that my wife wants to have sex with me. Why? Because I'm sexy to her 0.99

01:04:11.840 and to any woman. They'd be like, well, he's a great parent. He's a great partner. He's a great

01:04:15.920 player. He's a great producer, man. He's a great, like he's a great, he steps in his path. Like

01:04:19.780 these are, these are the things that actually attract any woman to a man. So therefore, if you go,

01:04:25.100 I'm now the prize and you believe it, like I believe if Jesse, for some reason, and you're

01:04:33.060 right, dude, she is so hot and she's so wonderful and she's so amazing, but she's so funny and she's 1.00

01:04:37.780 so cool. And she's just such a good hang that it's like, dude, if she left me, I would be sad

01:04:42.860 because she's my best friend. But I would also know in the back of my mind, there is a hundred,

01:04:47.740 there would be a hundred women at my door going, how the heck do I become the next Mrs. Keith Yackey? 1.00

01:04:52.100 I don't, I don't say that for effect. I believe it. Why? Go look at my score. Go look at my stats,

01:04:59.520 dude. I've been scoring 34 or 35 out of 35 for, for the last two years solid by my tracking system.

01:05:08.980 I've been showing up. My wife can never deny that Keith doesn't show up. He's she can't go. He's bad

01:05:14.620 any of those. She'll say last Tuesday, he really sucked at this dial and I'll tell you exactly how

01:05:21.640 he did it. But by and large, no way. So, but it's, and that's the confidence. So I have a lot

01:05:28.380 of confidence in that and confidence is radically attractive, but I earned it the same way you've

01:05:33.820 earned the confidence in your business. Why anybody would love to be on, when you said,

01:05:37.820 Hey, you want to be in the pocket? Yes, man. Of course you've earned my respect. Therefore I'm

01:05:44.200 leaning in. It happens all across guys and girls, man, but guys, for some reason, and this is the

01:05:50.540 other thing, guys go family's my most important thing. Your stats don't show that. Yeah.

01:05:56.300 I've fallen into that trap because I'll say it. It's so easy to say it. It's most important. It's

01:06:03.200 most important. Most, let me really, let me see. And then you look at my calendar and you look at

01:06:07.700 how I spend my time. It's like, really, is it really the most important? Well, no, actually,

01:06:11.560 no, not according to what I do. Yep. Yeah, dude. So these are just, these are real life things. Like

01:06:18.080 I didn't realize it for the longest time that I was the, I was the, I was the problem. But when she left,

01:06:25.720 it was like a light switch went off in my head. I go, I am the problem. And I'd say that 95%,

01:06:31.820 95% of the guys I've worked with, they, they were the problem. They go, Oh, wow, man, I, I didn't see

01:06:36.560 this. I didn't see this. But then there's like that 5% of the guys where they are not the problem

01:06:40.140 and their wife just isn't attracted to them. Their wife is just whatever she is. And I go, but yeah,

01:06:46.240 you're still the problem. They go, what do you mean? I go, well, now you're settling.

01:06:51.780 And we have a phrase and it says, is her response does not dictate my standard.

01:06:55.600 Her response only dictates how long I will allow her to live below my standard before I say this

01:07:02.260 isn't going to work anymore. Yeah. Yeah. That's the guy who has the power and it's not, power is

01:07:09.460 beautiful. Power is a tool. Dude, you, bro, the way you talked about committed versus compliant,

01:07:16.220 the way you talked about authority and credibility and influence, this book nails. Dude, if anybody just

01:07:22.120 listens and reads and actually does what's in that book, they would, they would have what they want.

01:07:29.020 You know, you said, you said, you said something about standard, how long you would put up with it.

01:07:34.540 And I think the trap that a lot of men could fall into is because your wife is acting away

01:07:40.120 that you might say, well, she's not living to my standard, but I would put out a word of caution there

01:07:46.420 that the first course of action is not to throw her to the curb. The first course of action is to

01:07:54.200 make sure that you have actually elevated your standard, that you are actually the standard.

01:07:59.940 And if we're not the standard, that's the first course of action before we say, say she doesn't

01:08:04.780 get to ride with us. Amen. Well, that's why every guy, my program is 90 days when they come in to

01:08:10.360 actually work with us. And I just say, we're not, I don't care about her for the first 90 days

01:08:14.740 until you can look me in my eye and tell me, Keith, I'm the most attractive version of me.

01:08:20.240 And you got work to do it. We're not even worried about her. I, I, I am convinced that if the dude

01:08:26.180 stands up and be, and becomes, which takes work, which takes time, which takes effort, which takes

01:08:31.640 all the things, if you become that guy, dude, your wife will turn around. Not always. There's 5%, 0.99

01:08:40.160 10%, nine out of the 10 guys that I work with either get their wife back or get their wife back

01:08:45.980 attracted to them. But there's 10% of the guys where that doesn't take it because it was just too

01:08:50.000 long. Um, or this person feels like they have to go experience this. When I tried to get Jesse back,

01:08:56.440 uh, the first time she goes, I have to go experience what I'm going to go experience.

01:09:00.320 Um, I, I want to believe that you've changed, but I have to go experience this other thing or I'll 0.90

01:09:04.220 kick, I'll kick myself the rest of my life. So some guys just don't have the time or the runway

01:09:09.220 to actually become that. And it almost works out better for them because now they're becoming that

01:09:14.540 for one reason themselves. Yep. And that is the greatest gift a man could ever be given in his

01:09:22.180 entire life. And most of us don't come to this until later on in life, man. And I don't know if

01:09:27.260 it's our society. I don't know why that is dude. Hmm. Well, brother, I know you've been a big help

01:09:32.400 for me. And I know even having this conversation is going to be big help for a lot of the guys who

01:09:36.240 are experiencing some of these issues. Like all of us, basically every man listening is experiencing

01:09:42.320 this to varying degrees. So let the guys know where to connect with you and learn more about

01:09:46.160 the married game and what you're up to. Well, then go to marriedgame.com and watch a video.

01:09:50.260 And, you know, I go deeper into detail about some of these things. But actually I'm most active on

01:09:57.140 Instagram and I'm just at Keith Yackey. We have a lot of reels and stuff and I can't wait to have

01:10:05.340 you on our podcast whenever you're in town. We only do it in the man cave, but it would just be such an

01:10:10.080 honor to have you. So just at Keith Yackey on Instagram or go to marriedgame.com and watch a

01:10:15.800 video there that will explain how, how this all works. Awesome. We'll sync it all up. Keith,

01:10:20.480 I appreciate you, brother. I appreciate our friendship above and beyond this conversation.

01:10:23.380 So keep doing good work and we'll keep sending guys your way. Hey, thanks for having me on,

01:10:27.680 man. It's been an honor. All right, gentlemen, there's my conversation with Keith Yackey. I hope

01:10:33.100 that you enjoyed it. I hope you learned a thing or two. Make sure you check out what he's doing

01:10:37.780 at marriedgame.com and also on Instagram, because I promise you, if you implement these,

01:10:43.820 your marriage is going to improve your ability as a man, the way you feel about yourself,

01:10:50.780 your confidence levels, and your need to not be so validated by her or anybody else is going to

01:10:57.260 improve as well. So make sure you check that out. Also make sure you check out the iron council.

01:11:02.440 If you want to band with other men on this journey at order, a man.com slash iron council,

01:11:07.520 and let's get out there and do the work. It's one thing to listen to a podcast like this.

01:11:12.360 I hope it's enlightening. I hope it gives you information that will help you. But at the end

01:11:17.020 of the day, it's meaningless unless we put this stuff into action, into practice. So I challenge

01:11:23.100 you to do that. Connect with Keith, connect with me on Instagram. Take a screenshot really quick

01:11:28.020 before you end this one and tag Keith and myself posted up on Instagram. I think we have a, an

01:11:34.060 obligation to let other men know what we're listening to. If it's helping us, it's going to serve them as

01:11:39.200 well. So that's all I've got for you. We'll be back tomorrow for our, ask me anything until then

01:11:44.360 go out there, take action and become a man. You are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the

01:11:49.420 order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant

01:11:54.420 to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - November 29, 2022

KEITH YACKEY ｜ The 5 Dials to a Powerful Marriage

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