KYLE CARNOHAN ｜ How Fatherhood Will Save Humanity
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 10 minutes
Harmful content
Misogyny
8
sentences flagged
Toxicity
75
sentences flagged
Hate speech
30
sentences flagged
Summary
Kyle Carnahan is a military vet, entrepreneur, and father. He is also the founder and CEO of The Order of Man, a movement dedicated to modernizing masculinity in America. In this episode, we discuss what it means to be a man and what it looks like to raise kids who can hold their own in a world that is built to knock them off of that frame.
Transcript
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Guys, you know at this point that men are just drowning in a culture that rewards the appearance of strength.
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Not actual strength, just the appearance of it.
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You've likely heard the term ripped, rich, and rare.
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But, you know, it misses the one thing that actually builds it.
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And maybe even to let your children or the people you love watch you do it.
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It's the con that every man eventually has to walk away from if he wants to become someone
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worth following, someone worth leading, someone worth being influential and leaning into.
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This conversation today goes straight to the blindness that most men carry about themselves.
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It's the resistance that waits for every man trying to change and why the hardest thing
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on earth isn't necessarily becoming that warrior every guy talks about. It's accepting your own
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humanity first. My guest today, Kyle Carnahan joins me and we talk about the greatest awakening
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happening in modern times among men right now and what it actually looks like to raise kids who can
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hold frame in a world who, or a world that is, I think at this point is built to knock them
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off of that or out of that frame. We get into the difference between being calm and just being a
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pushover, why, quote, non-reactive doesn't mean being passive, and how a strong spine and a soft
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heart aren't necessarily opposites. They're the actual point of being a good and strong and
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capable man. If you've ever wondered whether your kids are learning more from your failures
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than your victories this episode will answer that question quite honestly whether you're ready for
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it or not you're a man of action you live life to the fullest embrace your fears and boldly
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chart your own path when life knocks you down you get back up one more time every time you are not
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easily deterred or defeated rugged resilient strong this is your life this is who you are
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This is who you will become at the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
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Gentlemen, welcome to the Order of Man podcast. I am Ryan Michler. I'm the founder of this
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movement. We started in 2015, so we're kind of at the forefront of this whole masculinity
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movement. And we've had a lot of frauds and fakes and phonies in the meantime. But over
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the past 11 years, we've been bringing that to light through my own failures and my own
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victories and setbacks and triumphs. And I've had plenty of both. But I'm really glad that
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you're joining. My goal is to be honest and transparent and forthright with you about what
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has worked, what hasn't worked, and how we can all improve our ability to be better fathers and
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husbands and leaders in our communities and business owners, etc, etc. So really excited
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for this conversation today. A lot of guys ask for a regular ordinary guy. I contend that all
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of our guests are regular ordinary guys, even the most prolific like Tim Tebow or Matthew
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McConaughey or David Goggins or Jocko Willink or Dave Ramsey or Terry Crews and all the others
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we've had on. We're all normal. We're just trying to figure all this stuff out. Now, before I get
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into the conversation, just want to mention my friends, speaking of normal but doing great
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things. My friends over at Montana knife company, if you head over to Montana knife company.com
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and you check out what they're doing over there, all 100% made in America knives. Um,
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you can't see this right now, but I'm actually holding their knife called the Montana. It's
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their first iteration of their folding knife. And it was, it was funny. There's a lot of videos out
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there of like guys using their knives and not even using them, just showing them off about
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unpackaging or whatever. And I actually put together a pretty cool video of me actually
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using the damn thing. Knives aren't meant to be shown off. They're meant to be utilized. So I've
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been cutting boxes and picking my teeth and cutting zip ties and just about anything else
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that I can think of. One of the greatest compliments I ever received from a man is I
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was sitting watching my oldest son's lacrosse game. And I heard my name being called from about
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10 rows up on the bleachers. And he said, Ryan, Ryan. And I turned around. I said, yeah, what's
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up, man? He said, do you have a knife? I said, yeah, of course I have a knife. And I pulled it
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out of my pocket and gave it to him. And he said, you know, I asked you because I knew you would.
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That is part of the mark of what it means to be a man. So if you're looking to be a man
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who is born, bred, and loves the United States of America. Look no further than Montana Knife
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Company. Use the code ORDEROFMAN at checkout. All one word, ORDEROFMAN. And you can pick up
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the Montana Knife Company as well. And you can, you know, be a man. Check it out.
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MontanaKnifeCompany.com. Use the code ORDEROFMAN. All right. Let me introduce you to Kyle. He
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speaks and teaches on the kind of transformation that I think a lot of guys avoid. It's the kind
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that requires you to walk through failure instead of just like tiptoeing or tap dancing around it.
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His work centers on what he calls this warrior monk. It's men who carry strength and depth
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at the same time. It's guys who have traded this exhausting idea of performance for something
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that's way harder to fake, but also way more durable. And he's also witnessed and seen in
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his own life what he describes as the greatest awakening happening in men today. And he brings
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that perspective directly into how he coaches men and their own reckoning. And at the core of Kyle's
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message is a simple, uncomfortable truth that a man can't truly see himself and the people
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closest to him, especially if he has kids. We often look in the mirror and it's the man we've
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been avoiding. And he teaches guys to give consequences without anger, to stay non-reactive
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without numbing out and avoiding all of this stuff and to let go of the seriousness
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the bravado, the machismo that so many men mistake for strength. So for Kyle, the ultimate purpose
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isn't really avoiding failure. It's finding yourself through the failure and having the
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courage to let your kids watch you go through hell and come out the other side with a changed
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heart, a changed mind and changed behavior. Kyle, what's up, brother? So great to see you. It's been
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a long time in the works man i'm glad we could finally make this work yeah dude i've been listening
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to your stuff forever and we've been back and forth and every once in a while you put something
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out that just hits me man and i gotta i just gotta throw a little comment out and like support what
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you're doing i mean you're you're really kind of an og in the space man before i even ever got into
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it i i've been i was listening to your podcast when i was at the firehouse mowing the fucking lawn
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so like i've been i've been soaking up your interviews and things i don't know for 10 years
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way before i was doing any of this stuff isn't that why like i so i was talking with somebody
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just the other day and i can't believe that it has been that long you know i started this in
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2015 so 11 years now and to think about what it started as versus what it is now but also
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everything else that's out there. A lot of it really good. I see guys like you popping up and
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other people. I'm like, okay, good. That's a healthy, productive way of what we're trying to
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do. But then I see a lot of nonsense. Like I watched a podcast or a clip or something the
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other day and Chris Williamson with Modern Wisdom asked one of his guests, what did he say? He was
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like, what's the biggest sex differentiator? And the guest said, well, the biggest sex differentiator
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that people don't talk about is that men are more attracted to women. They are to men and women are
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attracted more to men than they are to women. I'm like, what the hell are we doing here? I hate at
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this point, what, what podcasting has become. And I think a lot of us need to be really discerning
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about how we spend our time and energy. Yeah, man. I've been all over the spaces, man. I've
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gotten caught up in certain spaces and like it out and been like uh huh something's off here but
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but I can't always tell what's off yet you know so I got to go a little deeper and um that's kind
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of been my game the last five or six years I've just been like delving into things all the way
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to see what's in there because you hear people talk and tell you how things are but
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you can't really know until you get your hands dirty you know yeah yeah and i and i also think
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like a lot of people just don't just don't it's it's easy it's easy to be pretty deceptive on
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social media you know and i've certainly run across my fair share of hypocrisy in my own life
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like i'm not putting that on other people in my own life right yeah it's it's it's a challenge um
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but i but i hope people learn in those lessons and try to be a little bit more forthright which
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is what I've tried to be over the past four years now that I have in my in my past. And I'm just
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telling you, the more real people are, the more genuine and honest you are, the more people
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resonate and connect and and relate with what you're doing. And that's what people need. That's
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what men need is just guys to say, oh, you went through a divorce or you went through a job loss
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or you went through a medical condition or you went through financial hardship. OK, cool. What
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did you do about it? And help me because they can see themselves in you to some degree.
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I think you're tapping on the great awakening that every man must have, which is crossing over
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from self-protection and self-promotion to being real. I've had to wrestle with this.
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You get into the coaching space and you get around all the top dogs and there's this competition of
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like being relevant and being somebody and being spent ripped, rich and rare.
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And then you step into leadership with this step up of who you've become.
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Well, I've become somebody in order to share something.
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But in that process, if you're actually dealing in transformation personally, you start to
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and how do I lead now realizing how imperfect I actually am and that is that moment where it's
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like am I going to be honest and risk it all or am I going to lie to protect myself yeah
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damn that's a hard one well it's hard because it has real real world consequences you know I
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remember when i talked about my alcohol abuse and my pending divorce you know i got blasted you know
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people who even said that they were friends and come to find out they weren't friends they were
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just riding the coattails hoping that they could you know suck up whatever i left behind and it
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revealed it pretty quick and i'm not to say that i was without fault i that's entirely my
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responsibility, but it was pretty interesting to see how quickly things shift, uh, when you have
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those moments. But I also had really good people that stood by me, but my life has been markably
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better because I've decided to be honest and transparent about everything, especially when
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you put yourself out in a space like this. Yeah. When you, when you first started talking about
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that i broke into tears dude like i was like yes he this guy's got it because you cannot go through
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life without failing you can't it's not possible and anyone that pretends that they have or won't
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they're hiding from the truth of existence which is the resistance will get you and you will fall
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and therein lies the great test of authenticity and truth
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I can't imagine if I tried to hide all my shit.
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And it was the best thing that could have happened to me.
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I thank God every day for humbling me to the dust, finding the feet of Jesus and just washing his tears with this new heart that he's put in me, taking away all the distractions, the thinking that I need to be somebody or do something different in order to prove something to myself, to the world.
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I never would have found that without disaster.
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It's the spiritual power that comes from our faults and imperfections and embracing those learning to love ourselves regardless in that, knowing that we are loved regardless of our weaknesses.
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The thing that all men actually need to find in order to lead.
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So is that what all men need to find or is there something else that you're referring to?
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I think the hardest thing for a man to find is the acceptance of their humanity.
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And there's a weird balance here because when you tell a guy, hey, you need to let go.
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well okay why would you stop just because you let go oh shit I've been burning the candle at both
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ends because of fear of not being enough because of fear so how do you change that from being
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motivated by fear of not being enough or being judged or having to fill this gap of where I am
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now not being enough to somehow being something or being important how do you how do you feel that
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gap uh without losing motivation so it's like building a new foundation where where the things
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we think are so important you know the mansion on the hill the ripped abs i mean that's all we
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used to do i used to teach guys to get ripped and make money and and if we did enough of that then
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And that always led to more, needing more, bigger biceps, more, more ab veins, more money in the bank account.
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And it was like this bridge trying to cross this chasm that never actually crossed the chasm.
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well i think for me one thing that i've really started to embrace over the past several years
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is just the process right like get rid of the outcome the outcome will take care of itself if
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you do the wrong things you'll have negative outcomes if you do the right things you'll have
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positive outcomes you can't even dictate that you can't manipulate you might be able to in the micro
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but over time you can't dictate that you can't change that so i think what most men would get
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a lot more value from is just realizing that it's the process. It's not the abs that matters.
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It's going to the gym that matters. It's not a hundred thousand or a million or 10 million in
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your bank account or that $10 million business. It's the work that you did to put the 10 million
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in the bank account or into the business. I think if more men fell in love with the process,
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the results would just speak for themselves yeah i think ultimately this existence is to
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show us ourselves and to build character and and and some of the greatest character you're
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you will find is in your failures of striving so where you're you do all this work and it's
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supposed to turn out this way and it doesn't and that's where you that's where you find yourself
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that's where you find out who you really are and what your heart is attached to and where you're
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making yourself miserable too because ultimately you can actually put in 10 years of work in a
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business and watch it fall apart and you can still be at peace you can you can put years into a
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marriage and watch it fall apart and you can be at peace and some people hear that they're like
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no you can't no you know you can you can't it's a narrative it's a choice it's a decision it's a
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way of being it's an understanding of like why are we here why are we doing this what's the point
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what's actually important to me where are my priorities like dude i'm going through a bankruptcy
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right now you went through a divorce like this strip how much shit did that strip away of you
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how much did it mirror to you yourself and go like oh i see i see the playback everything right
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when life starts smashing us and tearing us apart,
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We repeat the same shit over and over again in our life.
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Man, I'm a step away from the conversation today.
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If anything Kyle's been talking about has hit you,
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Not tomorrow, not when things calm down, right now.
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It's not a course. It's not another program that sits on the shelf that just collects dust or a
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book. I've got like 1,700 books over there. They're just collecting dust. This is a brotherhood
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of men who hold each other accountable, who call each other up instead of letting each other slide,
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who understand that becoming the man that your family needs isn't a mission that you should
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set out to do on your own. It was never supposed to be that way. So tomorrow, July 15th at 8 p.m.
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Eastern, I'm going to be hosting a live Iron Council preview call. And I'm going to walk you
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through exactly what the Brotherhood looks like, how it works, how you can get into it. There's no
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pitch. There's no fluff. It's just a real look at what is on the other side. If you're serious
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about the change of heart that Kyle's been talking about today.
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to find what we're doing to reserve your spot for the call.
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Again, it's going to be tomorrow, July 15th at 8 p.m. Eastern.
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And I want you to stop being blind to your own potential.
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to really fall in love with the process of development
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with men who will walk through that fire with you instead of just watching you burn and flail and
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flop around and squander your opportunities. And that's what this is all about tomorrow. So head
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to theironcouncil.com slash preview, 8 p.m. Eastern, Wednesday, July 15th, and hopefully
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I'll see you there. Yeah, I mean, I try to think about that even in the context of my children.
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do you how many kids do you have do you have four or five kids five yeah five kids that's what i
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thought and i've got four yeah um and you know my oldest is he just graduated and he's going to play
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college ball lacrosse and very fortunate very glad and i think about like what he's going to
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go through over the next probably two to three years and i can't help but feel bad like i know
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how life is going to hand him his ass in some ways. Yeah. And I just hope that I'm going to
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be able to be there because it's not a question of if life is going to give it to him. It's a
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question of how and how he'll handle it. And I hope I can be there for him when he goes through
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it. But it's the same way with my guys. You know, I take a 40 year old guy who's going through a
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divorce. I'm like, dude, I know. I know. I was there three and a half years ago. I know it's
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desperate. I know you want her back. I know you want to spend more time with your kids. I know
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your finances are in shambles. I know, but I also know it's going to be okay. We'll get you
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through this thing. It's hard to translate that, especially to, for example, one of your five
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children. Yeah. I think like what, what greater lesson can you give your kids than have them
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watch you go through hell? Like, cause, cause they were there, dude, they saw it. So when,
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when life starts handing them shit now you're like hey do you remember
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10 years ago five years ago when i was going through this and they'll be like yeah do you
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remember what i did my actions after that how i changed do you remember that right you can teach
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them through them watching you go through hardship my my my kids just watched me go through absolute
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financial disaster. And this time, you know, it's not our first financial disaster. We've been
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through a few. So it takes me like usually three or four times to learn a lesson. And but this time
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I wasn't going to let it ruin what we had. And so I tested how I could show up in absolute chaos
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and full surrender to just what is and what I caused right this is the hardest part is when
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you know you caused it with your decisions you want to beat yourself up but if you're just like
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dude this is this is the playbook this is the school this is like we we didn't know because
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if you knew you would have done something different people like no I knew I should have known
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but you didn't you didn't know or what you would have done something different now you know what do
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but do you think it's always that you didn't know or that you just didn't apply i think that's the
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greater risk because you know when i went through my divorce for example i had people coming out of
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the woodworks and tell me how horrible of a human being i was and you know everything that you've
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heard i'm sure and more yeah and it's like no no no listen and and they would beat up on the
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philosophy that we embrace here at order of man and i'd say listen listen listen like the philosophy
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is sound. Okay. This, it is not, it's not even hypocrisy. People said, oh, it's a hypocrisy.
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I'm like, no, hypocrisy is speak, speaking one thing to somebody and then believing something
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different. And I never did that. I believe even in the throes of my alcohol abuse and the struggles
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that I had in my marriage, I still believed in the philosophy, but the bigger challenge for me,
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I think for a lot of men is not that we don't believe or know what to do. It's how do we
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continue to do it in the face of doubt and insecurity and temptation and frustration?
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Like that to me is the bigger issue. Not, do you know what to do? Most guys do. I would say
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it might be some sort of a blindness we fall into if if you notice even now with everything i know
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you know me and my wife went to this new church we're in el salvador now we went to church in
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spanish and the pastor is praying when we show up because we're late usually so like trying to
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get these kids going yeah five kids you're like okay we got to get here we go up to the front
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and my wife is kind of talking loud and trying to get the kids settled i'm like a respect guy
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you know i was a fireman 15 years so it's like respect and uh so she she's trying to let little
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marley my daughter go to the kids club but she but marley's got to walk across the pastor to do so
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so i'm kind of holding marley's hand not letting her go the other kids are talking and my wife
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starts giving me some frustrated lip and, and I'm frustrated with her. I could feel this little
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explosion going on in me. Uh, you know, I profess the love of Jesus all the time, but in that moment
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I couldn't see myself and I go, we kind of get it settled. And I go, Hey babe, you need to take
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a breath. Like we're in church. She goes, look at you and see the old me would have been like,
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oh I see what you do about no I immediately look at you I looked at me and I went I'm the same
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I'm the same I'm just like you I'm no better I'm doing the exact same thing and I'm trying to put
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it on you but look at you is a beautiful thing like um you know I've been surfing a lot while
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I've been here and I'm starting to feel like I'm really starting to get good and I'll be surfing
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and just being like man I'm ripping my wife went and filmed me on Saturday and I watched the video
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And I was like, I suck. I'm like, so amateur, dude. I'm like, but I'm looking at the tape and
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I'm like, okay, we got, we got five years of catching up to do now. I got to work on that
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bottom turn. But even in that moment, I couldn't see myself, even though I understood the principles
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in that moment, I just, I forget, I drift. I get that like anger and resentment. My heart starts
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to harden up real slowly. And I can't tell that it's happening until a moment where I'm aware and
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then I've got to undo it. So like even at church, I wrote her a little note that said, hey, look,
00:27:33.280
I'm not being the leader right now. Like, and I'm sorry. And I couldn't see myself in the moment,
00:27:40.880
but right now I'm letting the love in my heart. And I grabbed her hand and I gave her the note
00:27:45.160
to read and I reconciled, I returned. And one of the things I'm noticing, it's the learn to
00:27:52.800
return to that place because we can't stay there I can't stay there all the time I can't I would
00:27:59.200
love to just be like Jesus every day every moment but I'm realizing it's not possible I can get
00:28:05.440
better at it I can be more aware I can become more disciplined so that I fall asleep less but
00:28:13.000
ultimately I have once I realize that I'm asleep or I can't see a piece of me and it's shown to me
00:28:19.720
I've got to humble myself and come back and I think sometimes we have years like that where
00:28:26.680
we can't really connect the dots in our own mind and see ourselves even with the principles that
00:28:32.160
we're teaching I've been a hypocrite my whole life you know and any man that says otherwise
1.00
00:28:37.540
probably wants to look in the mirror a little deeper because we have layers of bullshit
1.00
00:28:42.540
I'll scrape one layer of bullshit off and find a whole nother just cesspool that I'm like has that
1.00
00:28:48.860
always been there. Yeah. It's, it's pretty wide. And I really like what you said about a man can't
1.00
00:28:57.220
see himself. I was thinking about that. I'm like, it reminded me of going to a gym with really good
00:29:04.020
mirrors and you walk in and you're like, damn, I look good. And then you go home and you take your
0.77
00:29:09.420
clothes off. You're like, all right, I'm going to hop in the shower and get cleaned up. And you look
00:29:12.440
in your mirror, like, I look like a fat piece of shit. Like what was the difference between 10
1.00
00:29:17.800
minutes ago. And right now it's like, Oh, the mirror, it's the mirror that's making you look
00:29:22.780
good. It's not, you actually look good. And what it reminds me of is that we need to find
00:29:28.360
an accurate mirror. And who is the accurate mirror? Well, your wife was in that moment
00:29:33.100
when she said, look at you, that's accurate. Right. Or, or a really close friend who sees
00:29:40.100
you stumbling and says, and says, instead of saying, Oh no, you're good. Says you're not good,
00:29:44.980
dude what do we need to do to fix this because you can do better that's what men are missing
00:29:49.600
is they're missing that that accurate reflection and they're looking in the one that just makes
00:29:54.580
them look skinny and ripped and and a whole lot better than they actually are dude look at look
00:30:01.760
at if you if you read what jesus did what he said that dude comes in with a sword
00:30:08.300
funk and just chops the path in half and he goes hate or love choose and there's no middle ground
00:30:17.860
he's like hate me or love me what do you choose and you notice truth will do that
00:30:25.440
the hammer of truth will just thump on your life and you've got to choose love or fear
00:30:31.260
and there and both paths usually require some sort of a sacrifice and a lot of times both
00:30:37.520
neither path looks really good in the moment you're just like i i want to just stay here you
00:30:42.240
can't you gotta i'm good can i just hang out for a little bit in the back and not be noticed
00:30:47.540
nope yeah that's funny how do you instill this in your children i mean so you have your you
00:30:54.480
talked about your youngest daughter and so how many how many or excuse me how how old are your
00:31:00.080
children at this stage because it's different depending on their age i've got from 18 to 10
00:31:05.300
from four kids. So they're all on different paths. And I'm trying to navigate for
00:31:10.020
four different personalities, four different ages, four different perspectives,
00:31:16.280
all in one house under one roof. And it can be a real challenge at times, man.
00:31:22.280
Massive. So we've got a 19-year-old, an 18-year-old, a 14-year-old, 12-year-old,
00:31:28.000
and a six-year-old girl. So the only difference between you and me is we had an accident
00:32:00.340
Oh, you just set the example, bro, and they'll just follow you.
00:32:04.900
Then I realized with my second two, that is not always the case.
00:32:19.180
Like, this kid's a businessman and likes to get into making money ways that the government isn't real happy about.
00:32:29.600
he's also he's also really good at lying he's exceptional he's amazing and this has been going
00:32:35.800
on for like five years on and off um and so i've had some run-ins with this kid on a level that
00:32:43.840
i was so confused i'm literally running a company called superhuman fathers and i cannot control my
00:32:51.180
own son who doesn't respect me in the least at least back then we made some work together which
00:32:59.320
is pretty amazing but i still have trouble with him i mean like i still you know we're in el
00:33:05.040
salvador part of the reason why i came here is to get him away from his friends and you know
00:33:10.780
i catch him with a couple uh 40s behind his bed and pack of cigarettes he's like 14 years old i'm
00:33:17.460
like here we go again right yeah but but i've i've tried everything with this kid i've tried
00:33:23.120
the aggressive approach and i will say this like based upon my experience um i this kid i will
00:33:31.720
i make i made rules right rules broken so i made consequences consequences don't do anything
0.97
00:33:39.040
so now you got two options once you get there beat the fuck out of them or kick them out of the
0.97
00:33:45.080
house but you beating him is is only going to destroy your relationship and close off
0.99
00:33:52.080
opportunities for him to hear you yeah and put him in a worse position mentally emotionally
00:33:57.220
right exactly so as a father that's a really hard place to be and i know there's so many fathers
00:34:04.720
that get in this position with their kids i wasn't that kid and my oldest two weren't that
00:34:10.820
so that was new to me i didn't understand it a lot of people were like oh i was like that
00:34:15.980
he'll be okay and they make it kind of no big deal but to me i wasn't like that neither were
00:34:20.140
my oldest too so I didn't understand it so it was there was a lot of pain involved in this and
00:34:27.760
as I'm coming to understand it more I'm learning to love like understand like real love real
00:34:34.020
unconditional love and what that looks like in a place of fatherhood which is non-reactive
00:34:39.800
it is extremely non-reactive because you can give consequences without anger
00:34:46.540
you can teach without frustration you can hold even a child who's belligerent you can hold them
00:34:56.160
and in fact that's what they need they need consequences don't get me wrong sure but they
00:35:02.380
need to be held more than they need to be hurt they're already hurting which is why they're
00:35:06.280
turning to those things so how do i love my son when he's belligerent and disrespectful
00:35:13.480
this is a hard spot for dads that they get in yelling violence uh saying mean things it never
00:35:25.180
works and it never helps ignoring probably that's another like just disengage ignoring is probably
00:35:30.700
another thing a lot of men do 100 dude so there's like this i have i found just going through this
00:35:39.100
with my son going through my financial failures um you know being honest about my stuff humiliating
00:35:45.120
myself publicly um you know it's like I have found this freedom to be myself and what I've
00:35:55.340
realized about myself um which I've been trying to find a long time like who am I dude I'm just
00:36:02.060
like i'm not the tough guy i'm not the badass i'm not the hammer i'm just i'm just a really
00:36:12.320
sweet guy that wants to hold people and doesn't want them to be alone like that's who i am and
00:36:19.280
to embrace that was hard because there was it felt almost weak right well and you probably
00:36:25.500
from the outside looking in you probably had this persona to protect i mean firefighter man's job
00:36:32.040
you're a big dude. You're probably pretty intimidating to people if they just kind of
00:36:37.280
met you on the street. And so there's this bravado, there's this personality that probably
00:36:43.560
comes with it. I'm not real big, dude. I'm 5'10", and I get a little soft around the midsection
00:36:49.900
at times. But other than that, I'm not a big guy. So I've never had to deal with people being
00:36:55.240
intimidated by me. But I know plenty of big men, and I'm like, dude, people probably have a hard
00:37:00.920
time with you. One of my closest friends built probably a lot like you law enforcement for 25
00:37:06.240
years. And I told him like, people are probably scared from you. He's like, yeah, actually they
00:37:09.680
are like immediately. They just think I'm a hard ass when he's not, but they think that.
0.97
00:37:15.120
Yeah. Yeah. I changed my eyes, my smile. I changed everything about the way I approach people.
0.99
00:37:22.700
I made myself small on purpose to to just take that away. I don't want that. I want people to
00:37:35.300
know that I love them and they're safe with me the second that they meet me. I want people to
00:37:39.600
know that all of their mistakes that they've made in the past, they're gone. I don't care. I don't
00:37:45.460
care that they're messed up. I don't care that they struggle, that they're okay. I'm okay. You're
00:37:49.980
okay. We're okay. We can work from here. We got to do some things. That's okay. We'll just step in
00:37:56.080
and do those things and then we'll step out. It's okay. You're okay. I'm okay. We're okay.
00:38:01.780
Like that's, that's actually who I am. But, but yeah, I thought that because I thought,
00:38:06.860
I thought I had to be a certain way in order to be a coach or whatever, you know?
00:38:12.700
But it, the revealing of self comes from the humiliation. It comes from the failures.
00:38:23.140
Again, going back to what we were talking about,
00:38:25.220
it's like if we can help a guy see that his struggles
00:38:34.440
then he starts to look at the world differently.
00:38:43.020
What if you're like, your view of your wife is,
00:38:46.480
it's okay i get it i understand i'm okay you're okay rather than you said this and you said that
00:38:55.640
and then you know turning your back and just being like waiting for her to apologize well
00:39:01.140
i'm not going to give you this because you didn't give me that and this change that to like it's
00:39:06.620
okay i know it's hard i get it you're okay i'm okay we're okay you know it's like just attitude
00:39:13.920
that's pretty i mean i what's cool is i actually hear your kids in the background and i hear them
00:39:19.860
laughing and giggling they must be chasing each other or playing or whatever which is awesome
00:39:24.500
you know i hear those noises and i used to be one of those guys be like i'm on a podcast like
00:39:30.840
you guys gotta be quiet or whatever and just try to lock everything down and clamp everything down
00:39:37.060
and sure i mean i had to get after my i was on a i was on a um an iron council conference the other
00:39:43.520
day and my son was screaming, they were fighting, they were screaming. And I had to go up and have
00:39:48.820
words with them about what is respect. And I asked you to, you know, keep it down and you're not. So
00:39:55.040
we had to have those words, but I felt like as a father, when I was immature, which is unfortunately
00:40:02.280
more common than necessary, that I would just try to like force them and strong arm them and
00:40:10.300
coerce them and manipulate them or punish or discipline them into submission. And I think
00:40:16.540
what I hear you say is like, Hey man, you know, yeah, you need to offer some discipline, but be
00:40:21.600
fun, have fun, be light, enjoy. My youngest son is like, dad, can we build Legos? Yeah,
00:40:26.900
we can build Legos. My oldest son's like, dad, can we go shoot lacrosse? And I'm like, yeah,
00:40:31.660
let's go shoot lacrosse. And my second's showing me his cars, which I'm not necessarily into.
00:40:36.400
And I'm like, dude, that's sweet. Tell me about it. My, my daughter's into dance and she wants
00:40:41.120
to talk about her dance or have, I went to a dance recital. My daughter did the other day
00:40:46.740
and I spent probably an hour by myself making a glittery poster about how awesome she was.
00:40:56.080
Because after she came out of the dance, I'm holding up this pink, I'm the only dad there
00:41:00.540
and that, that is doing this. There's other dads. And I've got this big ass pink sign with like,
00:41:06.200
glittery gold sparkly letters that say i love you you're amazing like i can't believe how good you
00:41:12.360
did and i wish i would have been that way all the time i think my kids would have been way better
00:41:17.440
for it for sure yeah same like i i totally get this it's a softening and it's it's not all the
00:41:27.020
things we we we grasp onto that are so serious all the time totally this respect thing respect
00:41:34.140
respect respect i i like it like my my 14 year old and my 12 year old fight all the time they're
00:41:39.820
just like cats in the back and and it's it if i if i get too pent up about it then it'll ruin me
00:41:49.700
and then i become just like them so i their energy will suck me into their frame so i have to be
00:41:56.120
really careful and what i've noticed is when they're fighting i have to take a breath and
00:42:01.660
bring my nervous system down as low as possible. No different than, because what happens is they
00:42:06.060
start fighting. Then my wife starts yelling and then she starts yelling at me. And so when the
1.00
00:42:12.140
dog starts barking and then you're just like, you know, every dad knows this moment where the kids
00:42:17.120
where everyone's in chaos and most dads, they, they fall asleep in that moment and they just
00:42:24.720
fall into the frame. And so now there's just disaster that happens. Right. But there's this
00:42:30.840
magical place where a man can go as a father where he can take a breath and open up his vision just
00:42:37.080
like he was in in battle or something you know just like when I when I get a call in the at the
00:42:42.840
the fire department in the middle of the night we're going to like a fire with parties trapped
00:42:46.780
or something right my adrenaline wants to go up and my vision wants to close and and uh right
00:42:52.740
it's the same thing I've noticed to take a breath and go who am I I am the leader of this family
00:43:02.880
I am a man, which gives me the great opportunity to take a breath and lead in this moment and then tactically start to calm each situation down at a time.
00:43:14.400
Which in that moment, if I can surrender to what is in my responsibility, I do not have to have any negative emotions towards what's happening.
00:43:40.300
That came from studying the words of Jesus, period.
00:43:53.280
the change of intent and heart and the peace and so when you sit there at peace and go ah
00:43:58.140
um the tones just rang my wife's upset because of the kids well I'm gonna go talk to her first
00:44:03.860
hey babe are you okay I know it's real chaotic right now I'm gonna handle this is there anything
00:44:09.080
you need right now I'm gonna go talk to the kids no I'm just you know I'm just tired and sick and
00:44:13.240
tired of this bullshit I know I get it I love you you're amazing what you do you're so incredible
00:44:22.180
And then she has this moment of breath, like, oh, I'm loved.
00:44:26.440
And then I'll go to one of the kids and go, hey, do you guys see what's going on right here?
00:44:40.760
Be like, do you notice what you just said to him?
00:44:47.340
did you notice what you said well yeah I go okay is that gonna give you what you want do you want
00:44:54.940
war with your brother well no but he said that I know what he said but what about you
00:44:59.740
and we've talked about holding the frame we've talked about being calm are you being calm right
00:45:05.040
now no okay do you like the way that feels no okay do you want to feel peace and feel better
00:45:13.460
and feel love? Well, yeah. Is this going to get you there? No. Then go to the other kid. And then
00:45:19.720
you're just coaching your children with this calm frame and you're actually enjoying it rather than
00:45:26.600
getting caught up in it. This has been the most drastic change in my family over the past couple
00:45:33.260
years. And there's nothing to me, almost nothing more valuable than finding this, which seems
00:45:41.280
impossible to someone like me at one point in my life it seems it would have seemed impossible
00:45:48.460
yeah well I think it's the difference between and you can use whatever words you want here but
00:45:54.000
it's the it's the concept of commanding versus demanding respect and and I know those words
00:45:59.620
sometimes get turned around and changed around but when I think of commanding respect I think
00:46:04.500
I think of it as a man who carries himself well, that doesn't require respect, but voluntarily
00:46:13.220
gets it from other people. That's to me, that's commanding respect. You carry yourself in a
00:46:19.160
certain way, you communicate in a certain way, and people can't help but want to respect you
00:46:23.660
versus demanding respect is saying, you will do this. You will respect me. You will appreciate
00:46:31.200
all the things I do and you can get buy-in uh you can't get buy-in you can get compliance
00:46:37.580
I can get my kids to do whatever I want them to do because I can spank them or take their stuff
00:46:43.680
away from them or restrict them or take my car away from my oldest like I could do all sorts of
00:46:49.060
things that will get them to comply but how do I get them to buy into what we're trying to learn
00:46:56.500
and grow in together yeah i think that's so wise because it's like these little minds they want
00:47:03.960
they want to feel loved they want to feel enough they want to feel included right they just don't
00:47:10.620
know it sometimes they fall asleep too so in the moment if you can remind them of who they want to
00:47:16.300
be sometimes you can pull them out of it sometimes you can't sometimes you're going to do all the
00:47:22.640
right things and people just are not going to respond your kids aren't going to respond your
00:47:26.260
wife's not going to respond. You know, we work with couples pretty closely and you'll have a
00:47:31.160
husband and wife that he's now found the frame. He's holding his frame. He is unaffected by her
00:47:38.040
and she's getting worse. Why? Because she's used to controlling him with her frame and he's not
00:47:44.120
getting pulled into her anymore. She's getting frustrated. So I have to tell him, Hey, it's
00:47:49.480
going to get worse before it gets better, buddy. So you can either, and you can either, you can
00:47:54.200
choose to pull the plug, like I don't guilt my guys if they're like, dude, I don't want to deal
0.99
00:47:58.240
with this bullshit anymore. I'm like, all right, let's make a different plan then. But they're
0.98
00:48:01.540
like, no, I want to do it. Okay, cool. Let's roll then, man. But you're going to have to learn this
00:48:07.000
calm to a level that you could never fathom because that's the only way she's going to see
00:48:14.000
herself. Because if you keep getting in the way with your negative responses, she's going to have
00:48:19.160
a hook in you and she's going to be able to blame you for her actions but you have to remove all that
00:48:25.280
in your relationship so now she's just sitting there with nothing to hold on to except having
00:48:29.660
to look at herself and that can take years you know and in the mean what do you think yeah no
00:48:37.700
good go ahead and finish sorry i didn't mean to cut you off i was just gonna say i mean
00:48:40.960
sometimes that's the cause of the downfall of a relationship too you know because she doesn't
00:48:47.980
She doesn't want a man that is calm and in control.
00:48:53.100
Yeah, I think I've noticed this just societally as a trend is there seems to be a hardening of women and a softening of men, right?
00:49:03.140
So men have become weak and timid and cowardly and pushovers, whereas women have become bold and courageous and strong and assertive.
00:49:13.340
And what I've noticed is that it creates a lot of resentment in women because they'll go out and they'll kick ass in the corporate environment.
1.00
00:49:20.860
But then they sacrifice having children or being at home with their own children.
1.00
00:49:27.080
And then they have a husband who's a pussy and a pushover.
1.00
00:49:31.120
And they're like, well, why am I going out into the workforce?
1.00
00:49:35.960
They'll be like, well, he can't even pick a restaurant to go to dinner at.
00:49:41.100
it's the fact that you're actually looking as a woman to be led, but you're trying so hard to
0.58
00:49:45.920
lead yourself that you're leaving no room for him. But then you'll also hear it from the guy
00:49:50.780
and even these stay at home dads. And look, whatever dynamic that can work for you, honestly,
00:49:56.160
I say, okay, well, let's look at that objectively. But we can look at the statistics and look at
00:50:00.940
the amount of contention and frustration and divorce rates for men who stay at home while
00:50:06.300
their women are going out and earning the paycheck and so guys are now like well i have dreams and i
00:50:12.020
have desires and i want to share this and i want to do that but nobody will let me it's like yeah
00:50:16.640
but you're not asserting yourself as a man it's such a backwards society we live in and everybody's
00:50:23.120
pissed because of it yep and it gets very confusing because people uh you know because we've been
0.89
00:50:31.220
talking about kindness and softness in this conversation which can get convoluted and men
0.95
00:50:39.140
will go like well that's gay right yeah right right that's not what we're talking about we're
00:50:44.740
talking about spiritual leadership strength this is about building the disciplined man the hard
0.81
00:50:49.500
man with the soft heart because if i'm a pushover people pleaser then technically i'm just a
00:50:55.700
manipulator because i'm trying to create outcomes based upon my uh my fear and the opposite would
00:51:05.840
be like a man who uses strength in order to compel people just to move bulldoze his people yeah yeah
00:51:11.880
he's really insecure but he gets really jacked and makes a lot of money so that he can protect
00:51:16.480
himself but he'll never actually take his mask off and show who he is or his weaknesses right
00:51:20.880
the people pleaser will do the same thing from the opposite and that's what i think we see with
00:51:25.460
a lot of the weak men it's like a soft man with a soft heart sometimes those men get trampled they
00:51:34.200
do have good intentions they ultimately have a good heart yeah but they're really good guys
00:51:39.680
they're really good people right right then you have the opposite the hard man with the hard heart
00:51:45.180
that's the the hardened man who can't look at himself in the mirror can't apologize um can't
0.96
00:51:51.580
hold his daughter and he can't hold the pink sign that's for sure right he that that's just gay
0.52
00:51:57.460
right so we want to find this balance of both the hard man with the soft heart who builds a
00:52:04.820
dangerous disciplined wise man but doesn't need to show it for himself but can use it just for
00:52:14.680
the good of people and his family and also is capable of danger and violence, um, but chooses
00:52:23.900
peace. Uh, this has kind of been, um, you know, I got a tattoo on my left arm. It says warrior
00:52:31.320
monk. And that was a while back when I was trying to be really cool, but the concept is, you know,
00:52:36.980
be both. Um, and then I recently got this other tattoo on my right arm that says idiot,
0.99
00:52:42.520
because that's true too so i have to remind myself there's a balance like yeah i am the warrior monk
0.98
00:52:49.360
i am cool i am good at this stuff but i also don't know shit and uh and make a lot of mistakes
00:52:55.340
and i think that's part of leadership is not taking yourself too seriously knowing that you
00:53:01.140
don't know everything and leaving space for that but at the same time standing for what you do know
00:53:07.560
and getting clear on that. You know, I know that love is always good when you love people.
00:53:18.680
I know that. I don't know how existence fully works. I don't know what color God's beard is.
00:53:25.660
I don't know. Like, I don't know the details, but I do know that love is extremely powerful.
00:53:31.860
And when there is chaos in the home with the wife and the kids, if I can ask myself,
00:53:36.500
what does love look like here? What does kindness look like? What does patience look like? And I
00:53:41.500
can take that route. It always leads to reconciliation faster. It always leads to a
00:53:46.560
returning. If I'm trying to protect myself or get above my wife or use my fist to grind my kids,
00:53:55.140
it always gets worse and relationship struggles. So I'm like, okay, I know that I can stand by.
00:54:01.460
and and so i've just been simplifying the things that i actually know rather than um pretending
00:54:10.460
like i know everything because i don't what what do you think though is the line the difference
00:54:16.220
between um you know being calm use the term maintaining frame which i like i resonate with
00:54:22.720
that so maintaining frame and being a pushover because i think a lot of guys might hear a
00:54:28.840
conversation like this and say, okay, well, let me calm down. Let me relax. And so what ends up
00:54:34.240
happening is the pendulum swings so far the other way. So they were this hard ass before and they're
00:54:39.460
like, okay, like, I know I need to do better. And now they just become this passive weakling.
0.99
00:54:44.260
Cause they're like, yeah, this is what it means. It's like, no, no, no, no, hold on. You went too
00:54:47.780
far. Where is that line? Yeah. I think you maintain, uh, it's almost like this, you know,
00:54:56.700
when you're holding tight, you, you stand up for things, right? But can't you stand up for things
00:55:06.880
without the negative emotion and reactions? That's really the balance point. It's like,
00:55:12.880
if my wife says, I hate you, which she said before, right. And yeah, I think every man
0.97
00:55:20.820
listening to this has probably heard that in some, some words or the other, or like,
00:55:25.060
I'm going to leave you and take the kids, right?
00:55:27.480
When she's in her explosion or whatever, right?
1.00
00:55:30.900
A pushover would say like, please don't do that.
00:55:35.980
Like, I can't believe you're leaving me, right?
00:55:46.200
he's going to tell her everything that is wrong with her
0.97
00:55:50.240
and grind her into the dust and criticize her until she breaks
00:56:51.260
and then what happens eventually is she turns and gets more of that poison out and we start to
0.97
00:56:58.000
reconcile and i never had to raise my voice i never had to threaten but i'm not a fucking
0.92
00:57:04.180
pushover i'll tell you that i'm i'm maintaining control and i'm bringing us back to reconciliation
0.81
00:57:09.140
i'm not letting her take take the frame and control the relationship i'm making this happen
00:57:14.260
but i'm doing it protecting her from her own ego also right because if i want to inject a thought
00:57:20.420
or an idea into her while she's elevated i have to do it tactfully so i'm going to appear weak to
00:57:26.980
her in that moment maybe that's fine i can appear weak but i'm telling you underneath it all i got
00:57:35.420
a plan and i'm following through with this plan and i think that might i don't even think it's
00:57:39.760
weakness like i don't even think she would interpret it that way because i and from where
00:57:44.500
i sit is you know pursuing that in a in a level clear-headed way without emotion leading the
00:57:51.740
leading the charge it still takes courage to go do that and have that kind of conversation with
00:57:58.020
your woman more courage could go catastrophically bad yeah oh totally absolutely because we're not
0.98
00:58:03.040
getting ours right because i could say all kinds of shit well what about you you did this you said
1.00
00:58:07.760
that i can't believe you would say that to me you're a bad person well just leave then right
0.99
00:58:15.040
that's i've said that i've done that i've said it too man i've done it all but you know and
00:58:22.980
biblically i love it because it says do not return evil for evil do not return railing for railing
00:58:29.540
and in that you will set yourself up for someone a wife who maybe isn't treating you so well
00:58:38.220
but you are maintaining your frame maintaining control constantly pursuing and not being
00:58:43.780
offended eventually if there's a spark of good heart in that person they will break
00:58:49.280
they will hit their knees and they will say i treated you so terribly and yet you were always
00:58:55.360
there for me and usually that'll come up in their hardest time and that moment is that that's the
00:59:02.760
moment where a real relationship is built in that moment right there and that can be built by anybody
00:59:08.800
no matter how difficult their relationship is now you can start that process and most people
00:59:17.200
will respond in time most there are evil narcissistic people don't get me wrong of course
0.99
00:59:22.580
of course like but they'll be revealed and once they're revealed you go oh shit i really see you
0.95
00:59:29.860
now i'm out of here that's also something a non-pushover does is that at some point he goes
0.51
00:59:36.720
yeah i'm not taking this abuse anymore because i have remained calm and i have exposed you
0.90
00:59:42.280
and this is not safe for me so when you leave you fucking know it's not uh well i i don't know
0.92
00:59:52.080
should I have, should I not have? No, it's an, it's a knowing, you know?
0.97
00:59:58.180
Yeah. That's, and you can do this too with everyone, business partners, friends, children.
01:00:04.780
Like I've even thought about my youngest, if he's, you know, having a bad day or he's usually
01:00:10.020
it's when he's tired, right? He's beat down. He's tired. He had a long day in the sun or whatever.
01:00:13.820
And he's like, well, I want chicken nuggets. I'm like, we're not doing chicken nuggets,
01:00:17.040
but you can have this, this venison steak. I cooked you. It's like, I don't want this.
01:00:21.180
i'm going to my room i'm like yeah you you can if you need a minute you can absolutely do that go
01:00:27.380
go take your time give me the ipad give me the toys whatever like go go lay down go relax
01:00:32.580
and so he'll go in there and it's like yeah we'll be here come out when you're ready
01:00:37.500
but we don't you don't dictate what we're doing so he comes back out and we're still eating the
01:00:42.700
venison steaks and it's like cool are you ready to join us now yeah okay good like go go take your
01:00:50.100
time sometimes people just need a minute fine go you can do that I don't need to control the fact
01:00:54.980
that you need a minute but you're not going to dictate what we do as a family beautiful I think
01:01:00.520
it's beautiful I mean my my son a couple days ago I noticed the boys were starting to watch tv a lot
01:01:06.000
here and one of the reasons to get get away from that and I said hey so from now on from the morning
01:01:12.720
till four o'clock if you watch tv it's spanish you either watch a tv spanish a movie in spanish
01:01:18.800
you're learning Spanish. And my son says, that's stupid. And I go,
1.00
01:01:23.680
is that the best way to talk to your dad when he's trying to make you a better
01:01:26.800
person? Smile. And he's like, well, I just think
01:01:30.920
it's stupid. I mean, why, why does that matter? I mean, you, you made me move to this
1.00
01:01:46.780
buddy and he's like not mine and i'm like not yours hmm your brothers have a phone why don't
01:01:54.960
you have a phone and he's all angry i go i get it you're in one of those pockets dude this is
01:02:01.140
called resistance i understand but just know i'm not trying to hurt you i'm not your enemy
01:02:04.820
i want you in two years to be able to speak fluently in a whole new language that'd be
01:02:11.440
amazing culture learn the language yeah i mean you're here let's let i mean 16 years old just
01:02:18.280
rapping in spanish how incredible would that be i don't even like it here i go fair enough
0.95
01:02:23.600
but there's spanish on the tv or there's no tv at all that's stupid fair enough that's fine
0.93
01:02:30.840
that's fine yeah i'm not why do i have to i if he doesn't believe that or want that how can i force
0.95
01:02:37.760
him to believe that or want that i can't but i can i can hold the line and i'll tell you what
01:02:42.260
i'll do is if i catch him watching tv during the day guess where the tv goes it's gone right and
01:02:48.480
i don't have to be mad about it i can just be like he's like where's the tv oh it's gone why
01:02:53.000
well because you it was supposed to be spanish and you didn't do spanish so here's a duolingo
01:02:59.340
on my phone here there you go spanish you know and then he'll he's got nothing else to do so
01:03:07.500
we won sorry buddy but there's never any anger or yelling or anything like that the old me would
01:03:15.560
have just chewed him out constantly and just obliterated pound him in the ground yeah exactly
01:03:21.000
yeah they just punished him harshly even more you know i actually think this is and it's not
01:03:27.700
hyperbole when i say this but i actually think this is how we begin to move the culture you know
01:03:33.140
it's, it's like all, not all, but a lot of the guys I talk with and the people I interact with
01:03:38.560
on social media, they're like, I want to make my dent in the world and I want to make a huge
01:03:41.840
impact. I'm like, I get that. I respect that. I do too. But how's it going at home? How's it going
01:03:47.780
with your kids? And I feel like if, if we, as men led the women in our lives more effectively,
01:03:52.760
the children in our lives more effectively, we, we quite literally start to change the tone of
01:03:57.760
humanity. You know, imagine, imagine you with five kids. I actually did a podcast last week
01:04:03.740
about the importance of men having children because we have dwindling childhood rates,
01:04:09.300
like replacement rates are, are just significantly decreased from where they've been over the past
01:04:14.220
50 years. And what it means is that we now have an aging population without any younger people
01:04:19.680
to replace the population. So culture is breaking down, but it also means that some of these
01:04:24.680
degenerate ideology driven people who are actually having children are going to dictate the future.
01:04:31.040
The best way to change the future is to bring a bunch of children into the world and then raise
01:04:38.020
them in righteousness and allow them the skill sets they need to then go raise their children
01:04:43.400
in righteousness. This is quite literally being a better father and having the kind of conversations
01:04:48.260
you're talking about is what I think is how we start to save humanity. It truly is. That's not
01:04:53.120
hyperbole i believe that deeply in it i i wholeheartedly agree and and who's the author of
01:05:00.120
all of this jesus christ himself you want to get down to the brass nuts of all of this read the
01:05:06.400
gospels you know i was sitting in front of me forever i was atheist for like seven years angry
01:05:12.580
at god i i hired a million dollars worth of coaches to learn from the best they are it's
01:05:18.820
funny though so just to call something out real quick it's funny you said i was an atheist angry
01:05:23.440
at god which means you weren't really an atheist like if you're an atheist you wouldn't be angry
01:05:28.900
at him yeah but i claimed it because then i could really get back at him yeah right interesting
01:05:35.500
yeah yeah i mean it was sitting there the whole time and i you know the the coaches i hired were
01:05:43.360
amazing they're great they're not they're nothing compared to jesus and then the other thing is when
01:05:48.140
you're a leader and you're looking for the glory yourself it's going to get very heavy for you
01:05:53.280
when you're trying to make a name for yourself look the best thing to do is step out of the way
01:06:01.480
do good invisible meaning letting go inside of this need to be someone and just hand the glory
01:06:09.240
off any credit you get hand it off i didn't do it he did it he did it through me it's not me
01:06:14.860
Nothing I do. I can't do anything good. He does it through me. I take no credit. And if I can
01:06:20.600
actually do that inside, there's a piece that is just, it's just beyond anything that I ever
01:06:26.140
experienced. So rather than trying to insert myself in the middle of these men's pains and
01:06:33.860
where they want to go, I used to put myself there. I'll be your savior. Now I don't have to do that.
01:06:40.180
I just turn them towards him and, and, and just share my weaknesses with them and get in the mud with them rather than put myself above them.
01:06:51.760
That has been just absolutely freeing because I don't have to hide.
0.97
01:06:56.420
I can just be me, my fucked up self, imperfect self, you know?
0.98
01:07:06.660
it's much better to fight alongside someone than put yourself out or what
01:07:11.200
most leaders will do is they'll hide, hide a camp, right?
01:07:14.780
I mean, you go fight it, you go fight it. I'm going to hide back here.
01:07:19.400
I'm just going to teach you correct principles,
01:07:21.140
but I'm not going to share about myself. Right.
01:07:25.800
Yeah. Because that would be too much, but in reality,
01:07:29.880
you can't really lead without being honest and sharing about yourself at this
01:07:36.660
Well, brother, I've appreciated this conversation.
01:07:39.120
You said El Salvador, correct, is where you're at now?
01:07:47.500
It's like the second I got here, I was like, oh, yeah, I'm supposed to be here.
01:07:57.200
Even when I was in Costa Rica, I'm like, man, I could spend more time here.
01:08:06.360
learn more about what you're doing um have conversations follow up i'm sure some of the
01:08:10.420
guys will have questions and want to sync up so where do they go to do that yeah kyle carnahan
01:08:14.520
on instagram and then also i have a group called the daily bread it's free it's every morning
01:08:20.840
monday through friday 5 a.m pacific time um we've got about 50 guys show up every morning
01:08:28.460
monday through friday and it's it's uh it's very uh bible focused um but not bible study like you're
01:08:37.700
used to it's very real and i don't know anything i'm not a guru i'm not a pastor i'm just a guy
01:08:45.360
trying to figure it out using this manual that i realize has so much value and we're just trying
01:08:50.800
to figure it out together yeah awesome man i'll sync it all up this is a conversation a long time
01:08:56.780
in the works. Really appreciate you taking some time and excited to get this information to the
01:09:01.620
guys. Thank you, brother. Thank you. All right, gentlemen, there you go. My conversation with
01:09:07.040
the one and only Kyle Carnahan. I hope you enjoyed the podcast and the conversation today.
01:09:12.780
A lot of great information. Connect with him on the gram, connect with me on YouTube and at Ryan
01:09:19.160
Mickler. Take a screenshot real quick, share it with the guys in your life. And let's get this
01:09:23.840
word out about this, this idea that if we just look in the mirror, we'll see who we are. You
01:09:30.800
won't, you'll see a fake version of yourself, a better version of yourself than maybe you actually
01:09:35.600
are. And part of that is finding good men in your corner. And that's why I suggest you go check out
01:09:40.080
the iron council.com slash preview, because tomorrow night, we're going to be running that
01:09:45.580
preview at 8 PM Eastern. That's the iron council.com slash preview. Check it out. I would love
01:09:51.280
to see you there all right guys we'll be back tomorrow we got a really cool ask me anything
01:09:57.580
lots of great questions lots of information that i hope and think you'll be interested in
01:10:02.860
make sure you subscribe on youtube or wherever you're listening to podcast and stay connected
01:10:07.900
with us until tomorrow for our ask me anything go out there take action and become the man you
01:10:16.020
are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge
01:10:21.660
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