Order of Man - KYLE CARPENTER ｜ Live Worthy of Our Fallen

00:00:00.000 Man, I wanted to do something really special today, as next Monday is Memorial Day. And

00:00:04.460 after serving time in the military myself, I know how crucial it is that we remember our fallen

00:00:09.800 warriors and honor the ultimate sacrifice they made to protect and preserve our way of life.

00:00:15.800 So I invited my friend and the youngest living medal of honor recipient, Kyle Carpenter back on

00:00:21.400 the podcast to talk about his military service, transitioning from the military, and ultimately

00:00:27.500 living a life worthy of the sacrifices of so many. Now, if you don't already know Kyle's story,

00:00:32.680 he was as close to death as one person could be after jumping on a live grenade in Afghanistan

00:00:39.440 to save his fellow Marines. So guys, all I ask is that you have a listen and stop sometime this week

00:00:46.700 and think about how you're living your life and the millions of men and women who have died so that

00:00:52.780 you can. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:58.200 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time. You are not

00:01:04.060 easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who you are.

00:01:11.240 This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call

00:01:16.560 yourself a man. Gentlemen, it's good to have you back. Glad to be here with you. I've got a very,

00:01:22.160 very powerful conversation with Kyle Carpenter lined up, and I just want to let you know that I'm

00:01:27.320 grateful not only to Kyle and his service, but the millions of men and women who have served, and

00:01:31.640 even more specifically, as we come up on Memorial Day, those individuals who have paid the ultimate

00:01:37.520 price, given the ultimate sacrifice, so that we can live our incredible way of life. This is a very

00:01:46.300 powerful conversation, and it's almost a part two to the conversation Kyle and I had months, if not

00:01:54.180 maybe close to a year ago, where he actually outlined his situation, his scenario, and his experience as

00:02:02.640 a Marine, and of course, the events that led up to him jumping on a grenade and ultimately being

00:02:09.140 the recipient, the youngest living recipient of the Medal of Honor. So you can pair this conversation

00:02:15.860 up with that first conversation that we did, like I said, months or I think it might have even been

00:02:21.500 close to a year ago now. I'll go so fast. Anyways, it's good to have you here. Just a couple of quick

00:02:26.860 announcements before we get going. We have two events. I'm going to talk a little bit more about

00:02:30.760 one of them later in the show, but we have two events coming up in the fall. We have our legacy event,

00:02:36.740 which is our father-son event. That's going to be held September 23rd to 26th. You can go to

00:02:42.260 orderofman.com slash legacy. And if you're not a father, you want to come out and just have some

00:02:47.120 camaraderie and enjoyment and practical information with some of the men here, a hundred men to be

00:02:51.860 exact. Then you might want to check out the main event that's going to be held on October 7th through

00:02:57.280 the 10th. And you can check that one out at orderofman.com slash main, the state main main event,

00:03:03.600 orderofman.com slash main event. Those are the only two announcements today, because I really want to

00:03:09.160 get into this conversation. If you don't already know who Kyle is, he's a special human being. And

00:03:14.780 not only is he one of the bravest individuals I've ever met, he's also one of the kindest.

00:03:20.300 He is, as I said earlier, the youngest living medal of honor recipient. His name is Kyle Carpenter.

00:03:25.500 And I was fortunate enough to have him to my home in Maine, where we podcasted and spent a couple of

00:03:32.040 days together. Now he wouldn't admit this himself, but he is quite literally a national treasure and an

00:03:38.140 actual hero, not just a hero. Like we throw around the term and the word hero, but an actual

00:03:42.820 legitimate hero. And to watch him play with my children and feed our ducks and chickens,

00:03:48.480 I put them to work. And we also spent hours talking and enjoying life with, with me and my wife and

00:03:55.360 children. It was such an incredible blessing. Now, as I did in our first podcast together, I do want to

00:04:01.040 read to you his medal of honor citation before we get into the conversation. So here goes for conspicuous

00:04:07.360 gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty while serving

00:04:14.300 as an automatic rifleman with company F second battalion, ninth Marines, regimental combat team,

00:04:20.600 one first Marine division, uh, one Marine expeditionary force in Helmand province, Afghanistan,

00:04:28.160 in support of operation and during freedom on 21 November, 2010, Lance corporal Carpenter was a member of,

00:04:36.820 of a platoon size coalition force comprised of two reinforced Marine rifle squads partnered

00:04:43.180 with an Afghan national army squad. The platoon had established patrol base Dakota two days earlier

00:04:49.740 in a small village in the Marja district in order to disrupt enemy activity and provide security for

00:04:56.180 the local Afghan population. Lance corporal Carpenter and a fellow Marine were manning a rooftop security

00:05:02.220 position on the perimeter of patrol base Dakota. When the enemy initiated initiated a daylight attack

00:05:08.880 with hand grenades, one of which landed inside their sandbag position without hesitation. And with

00:05:15.560 complete disregard for his own safety, Lance corporal Carpenter moved towards the grenade in an attempt

00:05:20.800 to shield his fellow Marine from the deadly blast. When the grenade detonated his body absorbed the brunt of

00:05:27.340 the blast severely wounding him, but saving the life of his fellow Marine by his undaunted courage,

00:05:33.660 bold fighting spirit, and unwavering devotion to duty in the face of almost certain death,

00:05:39.380 Lance corporal Carpenter reflected great credit upon himself and upheld the highest traditions of the

00:05:44.540 Marine Corps and the United States Naval service. So guys, without any other postponement,

00:05:51.100 here's my conversation with Kyle.

00:05:52.400 Mr. Kyle Carpenter. What's up, man? Glad to have you back. This time in studio.

00:05:58.080 Yeah. And this time in Maine, I guess we, no, we were, that's right. We did the first one in person

00:06:02.880 as well. Yeah. In person in South Carolina. We did that at, at, uh, Sorenex. Yeah. Shout out to Bert.

00:06:08.440 That was cool too. Cause that library, whatever he's got right up there on top of that conference,

00:06:13.140 that place is rad. They did it right. Between that and the museum. Yeah. With all their exercise

00:06:19.100 equipment. That's pretty cool. Stuff his dad used to throw around. Yeah. His dad is amazing. Yeah.

00:06:26.700 He's got like these like cannonballs and anvils and they're like anything big, metal and heavy.

00:06:34.240 And they would, you probably know this, but they would, they would just compete. Like who can pick

00:06:38.940 that thing up, right? Like who can grip that or who can hold that the longest? So last time I was

00:06:43.900 out there, what was I out there for? Oh, it was when we were out there for, uh, for Summer Strong.

00:06:50.620 Did you, were you there that night where all of them, like Brandon, Lily, and a bunch of them

00:06:54.520 were picking up anvils? No, I don't want to stick around and embarrass anyone. So I get it. I backed

00:07:01.540 out gracefully back down. That was very gracious. They were like, they were legit picking up

00:07:07.580 one and 200 pound anvils by the horn with one hand and just like trying to hold it. It was wild.

00:07:14.800 I mean, when you start talking about torn biceps and lifting 400 pounds with your fingers, I'm out.

00:07:21.720 I don't blame you. Like these guys, they're just horses. They're just animals.

00:07:25.160 Yeah. Great experience though. And, um, very thankful to be here and kicking it and

00:07:31.360 spend some time with your family. We broke bread and cracked lobsters last night.

00:07:38.020 What, uh, so have you, this is your first time to Maine? Yeah. First time. So what do you think?

00:07:42.840 Uh, there'll be a second. Yeah, man. Yeah. We want to have you out and go hiking and get you

00:07:47.400 out here and do some ice fishing. We were talking about that'd be awesome. Uh, I'll see you this

00:07:53.260 winter. Okay. I'm going to hold you to it. That's the real test. That's the real test of friendship,

00:07:58.140 by the way. Like if you invite people out in the spring and summer in Maine, easy day. But if you

00:08:02.820 invite them in the winter, only the real ones come in the winter. Come suffer with me.

00:08:05.980 That's right. Cause it's, and I've, we've been here for two winters now and they've been pretty

00:08:12.140 mild, but it's also a legitimate winter. I mean, is it mild up here? Still snow 90% of the time?

00:08:20.200 It's just snow everywhere, but I like it. I actually really like it cause you, you're

00:08:25.340 staying at our place. And the cool thing about our place, it's kind of in the middle

00:08:28.460 of different smaller cities. Yeah. So there's, it's not real populated, but in a, during a

00:08:34.480 storm, it's amazing because there's nobody out. It's just quiet and calm, peaceful.

00:08:41.060 It's amazing. I'm going to come up here, dress like the kid from the Christmas story.

00:08:47.660 Walk around with my arms up everywhere.

00:08:49.900 Well, we'll see if we can convince you to stick your tongue on the light pole.

00:08:54.660 I want to go home at some point. So man, anyways, man, we're really glad to have you out. I've,

00:09:00.640 I've just appreciated over the past couple of years. That's what we were talking about.

00:09:03.320 I think on the right up here is that like we met, I think two years ago and it's so crazy

00:09:08.020 how fast time goes. Like we met, in fact, I think we met at, we met at winter, uh, summer

00:09:13.540 strong, summer strong. I said summer, what I meant is when we were at winter strong, that's

00:09:17.220 what I met earlier. But yeah, we met at summer strong a couple of years ago and, uh, you're

00:09:21.640 going to present there this year, right? I am. And ironically you presented that year

00:09:25.580 and, uh, you impacted me as a speaker and, uh, I immediately came up to you to pick your

00:09:31.620 brain after. Yeah. And, uh, of course you're super cool about it, but now we're here in

00:09:37.680 your home state instead of mine. Yeah. You know, just chopping it up together, which

00:09:43.400 is, it's just cool. Power of networking and friendship. Networking, friendship. And then

00:09:48.840 just having like this, the podcasting platform is so amazing because it gives, it gives opportunities.

00:09:56.080 We were talking about this earlier too. It gives us opportunities that man, it just wouldn't

00:10:00.560 be present any other way to like, have you here staying at our house? Like, I don't know

00:10:04.180 if we've, would have ever met if it weren't for the podcast. Cause that's how I met Bert

00:10:09.120 and that's how I got connected with those guys and the opportunity to speak there. And

00:10:12.060 so the, the, the power of being able to do this podcast. And then of course the guys

00:10:16.120 who listen in are, are what actually makes this happen. You know, the other cool thing

00:10:20.200 I was thinking is that my kids get to be the beneficiaries of all this too, right? Cause

00:10:25.720 they get to have. Me too. I had an intense coloring session this morning.

00:10:30.660 Dude, Otto's, the, the one that was funny is the, the, and it was clearly an animal and

00:10:36.240 it had the shark fin on it. And, and he's like, and you were trying to guess what it

00:10:40.400 was and, and nobody could guess. And he was like, it's a, what did he say? It's a dog

00:10:46.660 with a shark costume on. I'm like, that's such a curve ball. I wasn't ready for that.

00:10:52.560 I thought we were sticking with real animals. Yeah. Obviously. Yeah. So then I hit him with

00:10:58.980 the, uh, the starfish with a hat on. Oh, you did? He didn't get that. Nah, he wasn't ready

00:11:04.840 for that. Bring it. So yeah, my, uh, my kids have enjoyed this time. Anyways, man, like I said,

00:11:11.480 I'm just glad to have you out. I really wanted to talk about, um, your, your service and you

00:11:18.120 know, your views and perspectives. Cause I want to put this out on Memorial day cause I think

00:11:21.920 it's really important that we hear from you and other veterans who have sacrificed a lot

00:11:29.980 to ensure that we have the liberties and the freedoms that we enjoy. And I think from my

00:11:36.840 perspective, which is limited compared to yours, I just think that it's just, it's taken

00:11:41.300 for granted that there's men and women like you who are willing to go do things that other

00:11:46.120 people aren't willing to do or can't do. Uh, and most people don't even give it a second

00:11:52.200 thought, which is a nice luxury. Yeah. But also a little bit sad at the same time.

00:11:58.920 Yeah, that's perfectly put. Uh, it is a little bit sad, but at the same time, it is such a luxury

00:12:05.440 and a blessing to not have to have that thought cross your mind during the day. So, you know,

00:12:14.160 with that, I would say that it's, you know, I don't know if it's 50 50, but it's a, uh,

00:12:29.500 uh, I think it's a duty for people to strive to remember, to look up those history lessons, to,

00:12:38.340 um, think about how and, and, uh, why we are the way we are, uh, as a nation, uh, how we've got to

00:12:50.600 where we are, but also, and I, I talked to this about, you know, veterans groups that I speak to,

00:12:57.140 uh, when I'd speak to corporate crowds and people ask me about veterans or veterans issues,

00:13:03.040 you know, we have to be honest as veterans, as, uh, military members that, you know, we can't get

00:13:12.640 frustrated that, you know, people, um, you know, completely on their own, don't always check

00:13:23.140 themselves, you know, with those historical lessons, the, um, you know, uh, lessons of perspective of

00:13:31.880 this country and not be willing to speak up as veterans and educate, you know, you can't, you can't

00:13:42.080 have it both ways. So, uh, you know, and I tell veterans this, you know, it's, you might not be

00:13:49.420 ready to talk about your service or you might not want to, you might not want to now, you might not

00:13:54.160 want to ever, but there are veterans out there that can sit down, that can communicate, that can

00:14:00.560 take a deep breath when someone asks them about their real life service and kind of, uh, compares

00:14:08.800 it to call of duty, you know, instead of getting upset or mad or frustrated, uh, cause I encountered

00:14:14.620 this a lot at South Carolina, you know, students coming up to me and they were appreciative and,

00:14:19.160 um, you know, they wanted to know about my service, but, uh, they would say, Hey, you're the guy that,

00:14:25.920 that won the medal of honor, you know, and instead of getting frustrated in that moment, I just saw it

00:14:31.640 as after taking a big, deep breath, I just saw it as, Hey, you know, they at least came up, right?

00:14:39.800 They took time to tell me, thank you. And they didn't even have to come over out of their day

00:14:44.200 as a 18, 19 year old kid. And, um, you know, I had to realize that I could get frustrated and upset

00:14:52.780 and potentially give them a bad outlook on the Marine Corps Marines, our military, or I could

00:15:00.460 take it for what it is. I, you know, we also have to realize that we all have our own path

00:15:09.760 and we can't expect those who haven't served to know what it's like to serve, to truly really

00:15:19.900 understand what that uniform represents. So as veterans, you know, as hard as it is, sometimes

00:15:26.980 give people slack, you know, practice patience and understanding and realize that you can educate

00:15:34.720 to where, you know, that person and that encounter has ripple effects and they tell people about what

00:15:41.560 you told them. And before you know it, you know, somewhere someone's going to get on Google and look up

00:15:49.060 those heroic stories or pick up that military book because you inspired them. Um, so yeah, I think

00:15:56.860 it's, it's a little bit of all of our duties to continue to remember those that have given that

00:16:02.860 ultimate sacrifice and to try to continually educate and learn about, um, the courage and sacrifice that

00:16:12.380 brought this incredible country to what it is today.

00:16:14.900 Yeah. So, well, to go back to what you said about somebody coming up and said, Hey, you're the guy

00:16:20.080 that won the medal of honor. Would the hang up be the word one? Is that what you, is that what you're

00:16:25.040 referring to or just the lightness of it or? Uh, no, no, definitely the one. And, and, you know, that

00:16:31.200 would, um, happen. And, you know, sometimes they say, Oh no, we're not in the middle of honor. Uh,

00:16:38.320 I'll say the purple heart. And so, you know, I know from that, that they don't really know the

00:16:45.080 difference between the two. Right. And, you know, the whole one piece of it, I didn't.

00:16:50.340 What's the word you use or would you prefer to be used?

00:16:54.780 Well, received or, um, would you use earned?

00:16:58.480 Yeah. Earned, um, you know, to, uh, and this is, um, nothing negative, but to an ignorant

00:17:07.440 civilian, um, you know, received is even fine. Um, but, and I don't really get too bent out

00:17:16.140 of shape about it, but, and I might make a joke, you know, like I didn't, I didn't enter

00:17:21.260 the grenade jumping competition.

00:17:24.400 If you did, you would have won.

00:17:25.500 Yeah.

00:17:26.020 Right.

00:17:26.140 But you did.

00:17:26.720 Yeah. I would have taken first place, but, uh, you know, so, uh, but again, just patience

00:17:32.980 and understanding that they just don't know. And ultimately, I mean, unless the conversation

00:17:38.480 goes really rough, uh, ultimately again, in the crazy fast paced world that we're living

00:17:46.700 in today, especially college students only thinking about getting done with that next class

00:17:52.780 and hitting the weekend, um, you know, they still took that five minutes to come over,

00:17:58.560 say thank you and, uh, take time out of their day to, to express appreciation. So, you know,

00:18:05.440 I always just tried to focus on that because, um, you know, as long as you, um, you know, express

00:18:17.360 that you're a veteran, people know that, uh, it's only going to continue. And with Iraq and Afghanistan,

00:18:27.940 um, essentially coming to a close, uh, you are that most recent face of veterans for the foreseeable

00:18:37.660 future. Right. Just like it's, you know, that can be daunting. And to me, it's, it's daunting and

00:18:44.480 a very humbling way that for the rest of my life, I'm not only going to be a male honor recipient,

00:18:52.080 but until we get back into conflict, I mean, hopefully they bring up a past action of someone

00:18:59.920 that got overlooked and maybe they'll become the new youngest recipient, but to not only be a

00:19:07.100 recipient, to be the youngest recipient, um, you know, I have to keep in mind that to always

00:19:13.340 practice that patience and understanding because the end of the road is not in sight for me. Yeah.

00:19:20.860 But that applies to all veterans, you know, just replace veteran with male honor recipient and vice

00:19:25.620 versa. And it's, you know, it's, uh, we all did the same thing. Well, to, to varying degrees,

00:19:32.600 right? Like, I mean, what you did and what I did was different, you know, we both served,

00:19:37.740 but to varying degrees. So I don't think we should discount that either. You know what I mean? Like

00:19:42.700 there's guys that go up and do their job and that's what I did. I went and I did my job. I did

00:19:47.520 what was asked of me. And I felt like I did a good job doing that. And then there's men and women

00:19:51.920 who go above and beyond what is expected of them. And that's different. That's a different

00:19:57.880 story. It is different in hindsight, but you, myself, and to all out there serving or that

00:20:07.640 have served in the moment of joining and signing up. Ultimately, we all still raised our right

00:20:20.100 hand to enter in a life of service, which is a life of the unknown. And knowing that, you

00:20:31.900 know, fast forward to the point in my career where that grenade was thrown, you know, yes,

00:20:40.740 our turnouts weren't the same, but what could have happened to any one of us, you know, is

00:20:48.860 equal because that, that, that situation could have been anybody. Exactly. Exactly. I just happened

00:20:56.300 to be on that roof. Yeah. But again, and I think we talked about this and, and I look, I'm, I mean,

00:21:02.520 this is your, this is your experience, but from my experience or my perspective, I should say,

00:21:07.260 yeah, a grenade could have landed at my feet, but what I have done, what you did. That's see,

00:21:15.360 that's the, I don't know. That's the real, I don't know. Like if I'm honestly answering that

00:21:20.200 question, it has to be, I don't know. Well, I didn't know either. Right. And that's, and, but

00:21:25.720 I wish I would like to say, yes, I would. What's, what's your natural instinct to not to jump on it

00:21:34.380 other way. So you went against your natural instinct to do something courageous, bold,

00:21:43.680 sacrificial for somebody else. Not like that, that situation may have presented itself and it has

00:21:51.880 to millions of people and they didn't do that. They ran. Yeah. That, and that's the difference.

00:21:58.700 It's what it's our actions. What do we do in those moments? Right. Yeah. Going off that for the first

00:22:05.180 few years after everything happened and I became more lucid after waking up the country, the Marine

00:22:15.660 Corps, the military and world wanted to know what happened. Of course, in the five seconds that I

00:22:22.120 don't remember, I don't remember the moments where the grenade landed and, you know, up until

00:22:28.360 me covering it. And so that used to frustrate me because I couldn't remember. Right. But with

00:22:38.060 time, I began to approach it and think about it differently. And I had to kind of take me out

00:22:49.520 of it since I don't remember and just think, you know, how could someone do that? Why would

00:22:56.560 someone do that? And I realized that the answer is that is the beauty of the human spirit. You

00:23:06.800 never know how, when, or to what capacity you're going to step up and be a hero to someone.

00:23:15.680 Uh, and really a, uh, life-saving hero, even with the smallest act of kindness or self-sacrifice.

00:23:25.440 Hmm. You know, I mean, and, and just like with my book, you know, always trying to think

00:23:32.240 about either how to phrase or how to approach my military situations, uh, and relate to everyone.

00:23:42.480 In the corporate world, let's say to, you know, put your arm around a junior employee

00:23:54.160 and say, you know, Hey, uh, uh, see, you've kind of been down and out lately,

00:24:01.760 you know, what's going on? Like, let's go to lunch. Let me stay after, instead of rushing

00:24:07.840 to get home, let me stay after five minutes and just see what's going on. If it's all good.

00:24:15.200 And it's just, Hey, you know, my dog died last week, you know, okay, well I'm here. And, uh,

00:24:24.400 you know, cause we all have our, our own struggles. We all handle them differently in our own time.

00:24:31.360 So you never know how big or small it is. And sometimes you can't even see that anything's

00:24:35.840 going on, but to just take that five minutes and, uh, you know, see if that other person's okay,

00:24:41.920 or in the military, you know, take that, that, uh, young, fresh, motivated boot and, uh, you know,

00:24:50.640 make sure, um, that, you know, the intensity or, uh, the amount of information they're getting,

00:24:57.760 you know, uh, uh, being a boot and coming in the military, uh, yes, they, we all need to be

00:25:05.520 hardened up for, for what lies ahead. But at the same time, uh, it's intense and, um, I'm, you know,

00:25:14.240 not saying be softer, go easy on anyone, but, uh, you have to take in all factors. And what I mean by

00:25:22.960 that is when I came in and I talk about this in my book, when I came in, I had, um,

00:25:33.520 I don't want to say terrible, but I had a team leader that never once did I feel like he cared

00:25:44.080 about us. It was always yelling with no purpose and no constructive criticism or just bringing you

00:25:52.400 down. You just say, Oh, you know, go, go clean your room for the next three hours. And, you know,

00:26:00.100 me and my, my roommate, another boot, we would look out and, uh, you know, he'd just be drinking

00:26:07.700 his energy drink and smoking his cigarettes and, uh, not really caring if probably we were cleaning

00:26:13.300 at all or whatever we were doing. Um, so, so I just say that, say, take with anything in life,

00:26:23.520 take the full situation and factors into account. And, uh, you know, that can be hard, not having a

00:26:29.360 good leader, but being expected to progress and to be educated as you should. So if those pieces

00:26:37.600 aren't there, you know, that, uh, that can be difficult and, and very scary to always feel like

00:26:45.520 you're about to be asked a question. This is, you know, any situation in life to be, you know,

00:26:50.560 scared that you're going to be asked a question and you can't, you know, be there for your Marines

00:26:55.840 when really you didn't have that leadership. So, uh, you know, ultimately just take that five minutes,

00:27:02.160 try to really see the people around you and not just see them, uh, know them. And, um, you know,

00:27:11.040 you never know how far or how deep, you know, that moment will help or touch them.

00:27:17.420 Um, I think this is a really important message. You know, you're talking about what, what I would,

00:27:22.300 what I would say is discernment. Maybe, you know, what I hear a lot of leaders will do is,

00:27:26.920 and this seemed to be pretty prevalent in the military. At least my experience is,

00:27:30.560 well, this is the way it's done, or this is the way, you know, my leadership did it to me. So this

00:27:36.980 is how I'm going to do it. It's like, well, I mean, maybe there's some validity to some of the way

00:27:42.080 things have been done because there's tradition, there's legacy, there's, there's proof of something

00:27:46.700 working or not working, but then there's also your ability to discern whether or not this should be

00:27:54.920 the way, whether or not it's actually serving. And then the other thing you talked about was,

00:27:59.040 you know, when somebody comes up to you and says something like, oh, you're the guy that won the

00:28:03.540 medal of honor, exercise some discernment. And that's what you're saying. So, so what I see a lot

00:28:10.820 of people do, and this is very, very prevalent in modern times. And I think social media is a big

00:28:15.700 reason for this is nobody exercises any discernment. They immediately like get all emotional and pissed

00:28:22.300 off and bent out of shape instead of saying, you know what, let me take a deep breath. Oh, this person

00:28:26.940 actually is trying to thank me. They just happened to use the wrong sounds that came out of their

00:28:33.200 mouths. That's like the only thing that they did wrong. And people will fly off the hinges like,

00:28:38.340 whoa, whoa, whoa. This person's trying to thank you. They're trying to honor you.

00:28:43.580 Like, yeah, like relax. Yeah. Try to, try to discern what the intent is. This is somebody who's trying

00:28:49.860 to do right. And we, we just don't do it. We don't take a deep breath. We don't pause. We're not

00:28:54.820 reflective. And I'm speaking generally, but we don't think we just get overly emotional about things

00:28:59.620 and make dumb decisions that don't serve anybody. And really,

00:29:05.360 you know, how did their terrible mistake of using the wrong terminology, like what did that really

00:29:16.780 do to you? I mean, exactly. Just very sensitive. It's a very sensitive, you know, but I think I look

00:29:24.700 at your perspective and other individuals who have gone through physical or mental or emotional

00:29:29.780 hardship and as, as painful as I imagine some of that is, it's also, it's also a blessing because

00:29:39.740 it hardens you. Right. And so we were talking about perspective of, so here was one of the weird

00:29:45.920 things when I came back from, from Iraq is I remember people getting, you know, pissed off on

00:29:52.160 the road because somebody cut them off. Or I would see the guy in front of me at McDonald's or

00:29:59.100 whatever, yell at the 16 year old kid behind the counter because they put pickles on their burger.

00:30:06.520 And I thought coming back from Iraq, I'm like, really?

00:30:10.180 Ah, that's tough.

00:30:11.520 This is, this is what you're worried about. And then I think of you with your recovery,

00:30:16.860 what you went through, the physical, the emotional pain and struggle and difficulties. And I'm sure

00:30:20.740 that's still present to a degree that must've been, I can't imagine how hard that must've

00:30:27.440 been, but also how, how much perspective you now have of like, what is actually hard and

00:30:36.240 what is just really not that big a deal that maybe you worried about before that you don't

00:30:41.220 worry about now? Well, my tolerance might start drying up around the no pickles on my burger

00:30:51.040 at McDonald's.

00:30:52.720 Fair. I'm with you. Fair on that.

00:30:55.620 Wait, are you, you want pickles on your burger or no pickles?

00:30:58.580 Oh, definitely. Maybe extra pickles.

00:31:00.480 Oh, see, that's where we differ. No pickles on my burger.

00:31:03.640 No, but, uh, you know, there's some things where I'm silently like, come on. But, um, yeah,

00:31:14.220 ultimately perspective is a very, uh, beautiful and powerful thing. And perspective is one of

00:31:20.980 the main reasons or terms, um, of how and why, how I am, where I am today and why I am who

00:31:36.480 I am. Um, and perspective was just such, I can't even express how, uh, vital of a role

00:31:47.580 it has played in these past 11 years since the blast. Uh, I think perspective, uh, allows

00:31:59.160 us to continually seek the silver linings and appreciate the blessings of life. And, you

00:32:11.520 know, through perspective, we can evolve to where we see that glass half full, but still

00:32:19.960 remember what it was like, you know, when we could only see it half empty.

00:32:25.340 That's a good, I never can, that's a good point is you don't need to be naive or ignorant

00:32:32.000 or, you know, blissfully ignorant just because you're trying to see it half full, like you

00:32:38.780 should be realistic too. Yeah. Like, yeah, this sucks. But at the same time, like kind

00:32:45.000 of, we were talking yesterday in the car, um, they say all good things must come to an

00:32:51.840 end. Well, all bad things must come to an end too. You know, that pain, that memory of

00:32:59.580 course will always be there. But, uh, when I talk to people and, uh, ultimately just try

00:33:09.960 to through words, help them with their own struggles. Um, uh, uh, grenade brain, is that

00:33:24.980 what you call it? You call the grenade brain? Yeah. What is that? What is that like? I'm

00:33:28.940 actually really curious about that. Like I don't want to be. Well, 99% of the time things

00:33:34.260 run smoothly. And then there's that one point where I have this, this awesome statement I

00:33:39.340 was about to hit you with. It'll cut, it'll come back. Yeah. It'll come back. It'll come

00:33:44.160 back. It'll come back. Well, so when you're talking about perspective, you were saying all good

00:33:48.980 things, uh, come, come to an end and all, so do all bad things. There's also things that

00:33:55.340 we can do to make sure the good times last maybe a little bit longer and the bad times

00:33:59.980 go away a little quicker. Cause sometimes I'll hear people say that and it almost sounds a

00:34:04.600 little passive like, Oh, you know, when it's time, it'll just, it'll be better or worse

00:34:08.460 or whatever. It's like, well, yeah. Okay. Everything in its time, but also you have a part to play

00:34:13.880 in it. Yeah. You can heavily influence that timeline. Right. And that, that, um, that

00:34:21.820 outcome. Um, yeah, it's just, uh, perspective has to be worked at and sometimes it's not, you

00:34:34.220 know, actively, you know, nonstop throughout your day trying to, um, change your, you know,

00:34:44.500 outlook like that will come over time. I think ultimately you just have to realize that

00:34:51.240 first and foremost, you can get through it, right? You can get knocked down in life no matter how hard

00:34:59.600 and whether you're physically, mentally, or emotionally different, you can come back better

00:35:04.660 and stronger. You have to realize that no matter what, there is a light, however far that tunnel

00:35:13.620 lives, there is a light at the end of it. And you have to realize like talking to people

00:35:22.000 all the time, it's like, man, you know, I regret doing that, or I wish I wouldn't have done

00:35:26.820 that, or, you know, that decision ruined my life. You have to realize that

00:35:39.780 you are where you are. You are as strong as you are and resilient as you are only because of the

00:35:56.400 negative and tough times, of course, the positive, the family, the blessings of life, all of that,

00:36:05.160 of course, makes you better. But

00:36:09.020 to become the best version of yourself and to, I don't think you can ever reach your full potential,

00:36:18.780 but to be able to continually strive towards your full potential and again, become the best version

00:36:25.960 of yourself. You have to go through that struggle. Yeah. And as you go through it, realize that it's

00:36:38.760 making you stronger, it's making you better, it's going to make you more resilient, and you're going

00:36:44.060 to come out of the other side of that tunnel better and more equipped from that hardship than

00:36:54.040 before you got knocked down. And so,

00:36:58.480 you know, some of those

00:37:01.140 most long, dark, and painful nights and the uncertain days, when I was telling you about my nerve graft surgeries

00:37:07.840 yesterday, they attach these nerves and you have to work every single day

00:37:12.520 with no result. You know, it's not like, oh, it twitched a little bit right out of surgery,

00:37:18.040 I'm going to keep working on it. No, three, four months, and there's not a twitch, there's not a movement.

00:37:24.040 You slowly lose hope because you think there's been no connection. And then one day it works

00:37:31.880 and you're back up again. And so that's kind of like life and struggles. You have to keep working,

00:37:42.980 keep the hope, keep positivity. And, uh, I promise you can get through.

00:37:50.760 So, you know, it's, it's easier to say that in looking back in it, like you just have to have hope

00:37:58.120 after something's worked out. Like, let's take your, your nerve grafts, for example.

00:38:02.220 It's easier to say, oh yeah, everything's going to work out because you have the benefit of knowing

00:38:08.980 that it worked out. Right. So how do you, how do you have that faith and that hope? Like you talked

00:38:16.340 about when you're in the midst of it? Cause I'm sure there was plenty of nights where you didn't

00:38:22.200 think to yourself, you thought the opposite. This isn't going to work. This isn't going to get better.

00:38:28.160 Like the, the connections haven't made it. And so what for you gave you even just a sliver of a hope

00:38:36.500 to continue doing what you were doing? Yeah, that's actually a great, um, point Ryan and,

00:38:45.240 and no one's ever thrown it back at me like that. So I appreciate that. Uh, because

00:38:50.500 you're right, uh, uh, exactly what you said. A lot of times it was kind of the other side of it,

00:38:59.680 but, and I, I understand this next statement will probably be because of the degree I was injured.

00:39:09.680 but even when I was down and out and, and surprisingly, I never really got that down and

00:39:20.760 out because I was still alive. I was still here. You know, you always had that perspective.

00:39:26.680 Yeah. I'm here. Like, yeah, you know, whatever. Like I'll just keep at this and get as well as I can.

00:39:32.020 Um, but again, and, uh, with perspective, it's, uh, even when I kind of got down and out or was

00:39:45.480 having a hard day or didn't want to go back into that next pre-op at 4 a.m. and then the next surgery

00:39:52.280 and recover for the next two weeks and then do it all over again.

00:39:55.420 it is easy to say, Oh, well in the moment to have those low moments and difficult times, but

00:40:09.420 no matter what you can still step back and I can say, okay, well this, you know, I'm a little down

00:40:18.860 and out because this nerve is not reconnecting and my hand's not going to work, but I still have this

00:40:25.140 arm. I still have this arm. I still have my brain. Like, yeah, I could get down and out about being

00:40:36.000 blind in my right eye, but I still have my left eye. Like my right eardrum was completely blown out,

00:40:43.400 but I saw my left one. Now for me, it does get daunting and I have to just hold hope, which I easily

00:40:53.980 have in modern and military medicine, you know, but I don't focus on the long run too much. And I,

00:41:02.080 you know, instead of thinking of the end game besides that, uh, and just,

00:41:08.860 you know, when my final moments come, what are the big things that I wish to have done in my life?

00:41:16.480 Just vague, you know, make an impact on the world. Besides that, I try not to think specifically

00:41:22.660 about the long run too much because it is scary to think, okay, I've got one good eye. Like even if

00:41:30.820 I take care of it and it doesn't get injured and I always wear, uh, eye pro and all that,

00:41:36.940 you know, age catches up with everyone.

00:41:41.540 Or Nerf gun battles like last night.

00:41:43.360 Or Nerf, yeah.

00:41:44.460 Which is fun.

00:41:45.120 A couple eyes are almost taken out last night. It was intense.

00:41:48.600 Well, but you said it and this actually, when you said it, I, it hit me, it struck me kind

00:41:52.900 of interestingly. Last night we were having the Nerf gun battle at the house, right? With Pete and you

00:41:56.880 and the kids and the me and everybody was going at it. And you said, let's not be shooting any eyes

00:42:01.700 out. Or you said something like that.

00:42:02.840 Yeah.

00:42:03.080 And you, you, you said it as a joke, right? You're joking, but actually it's true. Like,

00:42:07.840 let's not do that.

00:42:08.820 Yeah.

00:42:10.300 Um, but there's something that I noticed in you and I've noticed it in Crispy, who we talked about

00:42:17.420 yesterday and also in Travis Mills, men who have gone through these situations physically and mentally

00:42:26.020 like you have and used like your humor, not to hide from it, but just to deal with it.

00:42:34.340 Like this is the reality. And so we don't always have to take ourselves so seriously.

00:42:39.180 Yeah, absolutely.

00:42:41.280 Cause I think a lot of people would, I mean, I may, and maybe you did. I, I would, like,

00:42:45.100 I'm a very serious person just by nature. So I would, I would make it more serious than

00:42:49.760 it needed to be. And I think that would become a hindrance to me instead of just facing it,

00:42:55.340 making light of it in a way, and just having fun with it to a degree, which is maybe a weird

00:43:00.280 thing to say. I don't even know if that's the right thing to say, making light of it.

00:43:04.820 Like, yeah. You know what I'm saying though? Yeah. I mean, um, I think anyone will understand

00:43:12.320 trying to make a heavy or difficult situation at, in good time, at the right time, a little

00:43:20.740 lighter. Yeah. Um, but, uh, yeah, especially those that have served, uh, you know, of course you

00:43:30.200 understand that sometimes in those places around the world that are a little sketchy, um, and

00:43:38.720 instead of, um, bullets flying, it's a little eerily quiet. You know, sometimes, uh, during

00:43:48.220 those moments of life, civilian or, or military, uh, you have to get through the situation. And

00:43:56.820 some people do do that by being serious. And, um, I don't want to say focusing more cause I felt

00:44:05.340 like, you know, I was cracking jokes in Afghanistan, I was still focused, but yeah. Yeah. You know,

00:44:09.800 some people, it just helps to, uh, be lighthearted with it and get through it. And also, of course,

00:44:17.240 Crispy's a man, uh, love following him. Um, but I think again, going back to the beginning

00:44:26.340 conversation, there are veterans that are willing to talk to any and everyone about any and everything

00:44:36.060 with their service. Uh, and you know, I believe, and I don't try to be funny or make jokes, uh, really,

00:44:47.100 um, for anyone just but myself and whoever I'm hanging out with. But, uh, I think, you know,

00:44:54.120 with me or Crispy to, uh, you know, make, uh, the situational lighter or make a joke. I think

00:45:05.860 that helps us connect with, uh, people and allows, you know, us to, you know, cause even,

00:45:16.260 uh, if we don't take it serious, like I've realized in speaking, uh,

00:45:24.120 and, and maybe we forget a little bit cause of just what we went through and how crazy it is,

00:45:30.000 but it's heavy stuff. Yeah. And so to heaviest hit people with just,

00:45:34.820 you know, uh, heavy comment after heavy comment, after serious hospital talk, bam, bam, bam,

00:45:42.820 you can take people too low to where you can't bring them back up.

00:45:47.840 Um, and I think humor just plays such a vital role, um, in our journey and, and recovery,

00:46:00.560 but also connecting with people, you know, from that blast or that last day in the hospital on.

00:46:08.120 Yeah. Yeah. You know, when you talk about sharing, sharing your story, you, you do such a great job

00:46:15.720 of, of, I don't say present cause that makes it sound contrived, but you do a, you do a great job

00:46:24.760 sharing your story and your experience. Were there, were there times where you, you didn't want to do

00:46:31.400 that? Or are there still times where you don't want to do that? Or is it some sort of duty or obligation

00:46:37.260 responsibility that compels you to do it? What does that look like? Uh, unofficially dude,

00:46:44.280 I have no idea. I just, my parents said, I, I got hit with a grenade. I woke up and I could speak.

00:46:50.640 Uh, and the crazy thing is like the human and just keep in mind, everyone, the human brain is

00:47:00.020 already next level crazy, but after you get with a grenade and you're half out of it,

00:47:06.900 and half medicated in the hospital, it gets a little crazier.

00:47:12.920 You told some stories the first time we did a podcast about like, I think there's something

00:47:18.020 about your father or something.

00:47:20.280 Yeah. I saw my hallucinations.

00:47:21.620 Yes.

00:47:22.000 Yeah. So that was wild. But when I woke up, uh, my aunt Terry had come to, uh, to visit and kind

00:47:32.460 to help out, give my parents a break. Cause they were on constant shifts looking after

00:47:37.260 me. And, um, I woke up randomly in the middle of, of one night and according to her, um, I

00:47:52.340 woke up and I pretty much told her the whole story, like everything that happened. And then

00:47:59.580 went back to sleep. And when I woke up, I didn't even know the story.

00:48:04.780 You didn't. And you didn't remember talking to her about it.

00:48:06.860 And she just like was so mind blown and could like not believe it. And she's like, no, Kyle,

00:48:11.700 like, you know, she don't, she didn't know how to play it. Cause she didn't want, cause

00:48:15.920 I hadn't really woke up or said much up until that point. And so she didn't want kind of that

00:48:22.960 moment for my parents not to be there. But you can't say like, Oh Kyle, like hold that

00:48:28.260 thought until your parents get back tomorrow morning. Right. And so she kind of just didn't

00:48:32.440 know what to do. So she let it happen. And, uh, yeah, I hit her with this crazy story and

00:48:38.300 she still remembers every single word. And, um, yeah, I went back to sleep and didn't know

00:48:45.520 it ever happened. And I didn't even remember what I had even told her. And so, um, so

00:48:52.500 well, I forgot the original question, but, um, I was talking about you presenting it and

00:48:58.580 sharing your story. And do you feel, did you always want to share it or did you feel like

00:49:03.060 some, like some sort of obligation to do it? Yeah. Thank you, Ryan. Um, yeah. So in the

00:49:10.140 beginning it was just kind of like family, small groups, like the first group I ever spoke

00:49:15.040 to, um, was a few elementary school kids in Sunday school. Really? Yeah. And it's funny

00:49:22.420 because, uh, and I've learned since all the kids that I've spoke to, um, but I'll get to

00:49:28.540 the school, fill in the blank on the school, but I'll get to the school and, uh, you know,

00:49:34.140 first thing, one step in the door, all the administrators, okay, Kyle, like we're so happy

00:49:40.560 and honored to have you here. So on and so forth. But you know, remember these are kids

00:49:46.380 and I'm like, I already know where you're going. Like I'm not going to talk about anything crazy.

00:49:51.480 Like I can handle it, but you know, I'm like, yes, ma'am. Yes, sir. Whatever. And, um, dude,

00:49:58.280 I'll get done. Okay. Anybody a hundred hands up. I bet. Did you shoot anyone? What does blood

00:50:06.460 look like? Like, okay. So the first 12 questions was 12 of the 13, they told me not to talk about.

00:50:14.660 Yeah. But, uh, so, but I just started with, you know, at first it was like, Oh, cool. You know,

00:50:21.860 people want to hear my story. I was still half medicated and, uh, I'm like, okay, you know,

00:50:28.100 whatever. So a bunch of local stuff and then got off the medication a little bit and, uh, went and

00:50:36.280 got a couple of nice clothes. Cause all I had was dusty cammies that were sent back from Afghanistan.

00:50:41.440 Uh, and then, you know, it was like a year or two later, the local rotary club. And then I started

00:50:48.100 going to USC and the, all the athletic teams wanted me to come speak. And, uh, it was never a plan.

00:50:55.700 It was always just like literally event to event. Like, okay, well they want me to come speak. I'll do

00:51:01.640 that. That's a good group. I want to help them. I'll come do your nonprofit event, raise money for

00:51:07.360 veterans, whatever. And, um, I don't know. It just, over the years, it kind of transitioned to,

00:51:15.520 uh, me always kind of knowing that this wasn't going to be the main and only thing I did in life.

00:51:26.680 Right. Right. But I started to see it as a way to, uh, help people just see their own struggles.

00:51:37.560 Uh, and I only realized that, you know, all these things that like were evolving were because other

00:51:45.300 people were helping me or every once in a while I would get a good piece of advice from a mentor

00:51:52.140 or, um, or kind of unexpected things like, uh, uh, early on, I remember a lady, uh, came up to me

00:52:01.560 after an event and she told me, you know, I have such terrible arthritis. I, I, I don't even, I can't

00:52:09.780 even get out of bed in the mornings unless I look up your Facebook page first. Really? And I see that

00:52:15.760 you can do, I know I had chills right now and this was probably nine years ago. And, uh, you know,

00:52:21.280 with moments like that. And that was really the first one I remember, but moments like

00:52:25.160 that thinking, well, okay. I mean, I helped her and, you know, her struggle has nothing

00:52:35.520 to do with the military, but pain is pain and struggle is struggle. And so I realized that

00:52:42.160 at least even if it was, she was the only person out of the whole country that was feeding off

00:52:47.700 of me or I was helping, that was kind of like an epiphany type moment. And then I just kept

00:52:55.280 going event to event and I have a little iPad and I would make notes. And then after I would

00:53:01.460 say, Oh, I'll erase it. I'll say, I could, I could say that a little better to help be more

00:53:06.200 efficient or change this word to allow the terminology to S to sink into civilian thoughts

00:53:13.160 a little better. Yeah. And I just kind of kept working on it, working on it. And somehow

00:53:18.460 I've, you know, found myself in front of fortune 500 companies and, you know, the order man

00:53:25.280 podcast twice, the ultimate, you know, like speaking to like, and a lot of my journey, honestly,

00:53:34.980 Ryan, it's been like, what am I doing here? I was going to ask, is there any sort of like

00:53:41.820 I shouldn't be here? I shouldn't be doing this or why, why do people want to hear from me? This

00:53:46.760 is, is there any, I tried to always shy away from, I shouldn't because I felt like, okay,

00:53:54.120 you know, I might not give the top tier greatest speaking performance and I might not, you know,

00:54:02.180 quite be at the level where I could be speaking to a Lockheed or a, you know, Bank of America. But

00:54:10.280 I am proud to say that every single thing from that first little group of Sunday school,

00:54:18.000 elementary school kids until the event I did a couple of weeks ago to a medical logistical

00:54:24.440 conference down in, in Orlando, every single thing, whether it was one person or 5,000,

00:54:33.980 every time I spent hours and days thinking about my audience and what I was going to say,

00:54:42.040 and I gave my very best and most ultimate effort. Now, sometimes that was slack too, because

00:54:49.920 for my five years of school, cause I had to withdraw from the metal for a year, but my five years of

00:54:56.340 school, um, and traveling almost every weekend, doing all my schoolwork exams, everything, mostly in

00:55:04.580 hotel rooms or on planes, you know, for many years I was like completely ran into the ground, but I gave

00:55:11.620 my best effort with what I, how I was in that moment. Yeah. And so now again, I don't think

00:55:20.120 speaking is going to be the main thing I do or what I'm known for in the end, but I do see it as

00:55:27.400 something I always want to be a part of my life. I see it as, um, a sense of duty, a beautiful obligation,

00:55:39.960 because a lot of times what I kind of rather want to sit on the couch and rest and, you

00:55:48.940 know, watch movies all weekend. Yes. Right. But, you know, I might be able to make that impact

00:55:58.400 or if there is that one person in the audience that is really struggling. Like when I went to

00:56:05.280 that conference in Orlando, this guy came up to me after and he said, man, dude, I was going to put

00:56:11.480 in my two weeks notice today at the end of the business day. He said, I have tinnitus, which is

00:56:18.980 ringing in your ears. Right. And he said, it just gets to me. He said, like, I just, like, I thought I

00:56:26.140 needed a break. Like I was, I was going to be out. Like this was my last conference with this,

00:56:30.960 this company. And, uh, he said, I'm not going to do that. He said, you know, I can keep going.

00:56:37.620 And, uh, you know, we hugged it up and I just told him, you know, keep going with the small steps,

00:56:44.280 just keep getting better. Keep, keep making it through tomorrow, next week. And, um, you know,

00:56:52.460 just moments like that, if I would have laid on the couch instead of going down there, um, you know,

00:56:59.020 who knows? And, and I can't stay in that, that mindset, you know, every second of every day,

00:57:05.400 because then you start like guilt tripping yourself and then you get to where, like I was

00:57:11.700 back in the day, you become a yes man and you just do anything and everything. And then that kind of

00:57:17.900 gets to a point where you're doing so much and you're going so hard that you start to become not

00:57:24.820 as effective. And so, you know, there's a lot that goes into the balance of life, whether that's

00:57:31.440 family and work, whether that's rest and going hard, you know, whatever it is, there's a balance

00:57:38.960 and you can push that balance, you know, good or bad, a little on the work harder, a little to the

00:57:46.240 lazy side, but never too drastically. And, and it never stays the same. You have to continually learn

00:57:53.880 and kind of feel it out. Okay. Um, you know, now might be getting a little older, might want to

00:58:00.720 rest a little more, or I rested when I was younger. Now I want to go a little harder. So,

00:58:06.420 you know, it just depends, but through my journey, um, good people helped me. I took the initiative to

00:58:15.140 try to learn and get better, even though I had no idea what I was doing. I mean, from the contracts to

00:58:21.200 just learning how to talk to people on a very professional scale. Sure. Um, and the biggest

00:58:28.140 thing, and, and I wish someone would have just like knocked me outside the head 10 years ago

00:58:33.940 before I got too crazy and run down and said, Hey, it's okay to say no. You know, you feel bad maybe,

00:58:42.360 but you're only one person. You can't help everyone. And, uh, you just got to say no sometimes

00:58:50.160 and you can do it respectfully in a loving way. And you can say, Hey, come back to me next year.

00:58:56.000 But this weekend I do need to rest and I just can't go all the way across the country.

00:59:02.260 And, you know, every group and every person is important, but I can't fly to California

00:59:09.780 and have to be back by tomorrow morning to go and speak to, you know, 20 middle schoolers

00:59:16.620 or whatever it is.

00:59:17.260 It's not going to happen.

00:59:18.120 Yeah. As much as I want to. And I'll always speak to kids. I'll always speak to veterans and

00:59:23.180 love anyone and everyone. Um, but you know, there comes a point where you have to realize that

00:59:30.060 you're only one person and that your time is valuable and that, um, and I think ultimately

00:59:38.780 your health is the most important mentally or physically. And if that's not good,

00:59:47.340 other things might be good for a little while, but that needs to be the foundation. Yeah.

00:59:53.920 Gents, let me hit the, uh, the pause button. I hate to do this in the middle of a great conversation,

00:59:57.700 but I want to make you aware of a couple of events that we have coming up because, uh,

01:00:01.280 we'd love to have you here. And of course we're going to learn a lot and we're going to have the

01:00:04.180 camaraderie and brotherhood that goes along with it. I want to talk with you about, uh, first and

01:00:08.540 foremost, our legacy experience. Now this one is for fathers and their sons between the ages of eight

01:00:13.940 to 15, uh, on September 23rd through the 26th, we're going to be hosting 20 fathers with their boys

01:00:20.200 on my property here in Maine. Now we're going to challenge each of you. Uh, we're going to equip you

01:00:24.920 with the tools you need to create deep and meaningful bonds with your sons. And of course,

01:00:29.260 help usher them into manhood. That's, that's the ultimate objective. Now we're going to be presenting

01:00:34.680 you with physical and mental and emotional challenges, but it's all designed to forge the

01:00:39.440 kind of men you want your boys to become. And also the kind of men society needs them to be.

01:00:46.080 Now we have 11 spots already fulfilled. Uh, and the remaining nine spots are going to go very,

01:00:52.600 very quickly. I only made one announcement. We got 11 spots filled like that. So if you're

01:00:57.120 interested, you got to register now, this isn't going to go longer than a week. I'm sure.

01:01:01.200 So you can watch a very short video. It's a couple of minutes, two, three minutes, uh,

01:01:04.980 that outlines our experience, share it with your son, get his thoughts and insight. He's going to

01:01:09.340 want to be out here. You're going to want to be out here and you're going to want to get that spot

01:01:12.660 locked in. You can do that at order of man.com slash legacy. Again, order of man.com slash legacy.

01:01:19.680 Finish up the conversation with me and Kyle, then go immediately to that page, get registered.

01:01:25.040 And, uh, we'll see you here in September. Now let's get back to it with Kyle.

01:01:30.700 I like what you said about beautiful obligation is the term that you used. That's, that's an

01:01:36.840 interesting way to frame it. Cause when you think of obligation, you just, I think of,

01:01:40.720 I have to do this. It's my obligation. I don't want to, but I have to. Yeah. But the framing of

01:01:46.580 beautiful makes it like, Hey, this is a sacrifice. This is hard work. I don't always want to be doing

01:01:51.820 this, but there's meaning and there's purpose and there's significance behind it. And so,

01:01:55.760 yeah, I'm going to do it. And not only just do it. Cause I think a lot of people will just check

01:01:59.960 the boxes like, yeah, you know, I had to do this thing. And so here you go. But putting that framing

01:02:05.920 of beautiful in front of it is like, no, I, I, yeah, I do have a responsibility to do this,

01:02:10.780 but I'm going to do it right. I'm going to do it with purpose and meaning and significance behind

01:02:16.060 it, weight behind it. And that changes responsibility. It makes it worth doing.

01:02:20.280 It makes it actually enjoyable. Exactly. Yeah. Who wants to get done with something and

01:02:23.980 know, even if, even if you killed it, if they, by the time you walked off stage,

01:02:30.580 hired you again for their next annual conference, I mean, what's worse than getting done with something

01:02:35.780 and thinking I could have given another 30%. And all of us have been there. Yeah. Yeah,

01:02:42.880 of course. And we'll, we'll always, always be there. Yeah, sure. You know, uh, which is good

01:02:47.300 too, though, because if you think it would be weird to think I've done as good as I ever can.

01:02:53.800 Yeah. I've reached the pinnacle of my speaking abilities or podcasting or fitness or whatever.

01:02:59.400 I hope no one. And I'm done. Like why, why live in that case? What do you have to live

01:03:05.640 for? Exactly. I think you're done. Exactly. Yeah. And also kind of like we were talking

01:03:12.400 about yesterday, um, getting to a point where you not only welcome the suck and the hardships

01:03:24.120 and the pain, or you not only embrace it, but you welcome it. And, uh, you know, just like

01:03:31.760 what you just said, um, embrace that, you know, whether you didn't do good on this, this one

01:03:45.560 activity, workout, speaking engagement, you know, as long as you prepared and gave your best effort,

01:03:53.360 if you don't execute to perfection, embrace that. Right. Welcome that because just like

01:04:04.580 the struggle, when you're kicking yourself after you get off stage, like, man, I could

01:04:10.280 have said that better. Or, you know, ah, why did I say that in that moment? That translate,

01:04:19.060 that directly translates to you doing better and not making that mistake the next time.

01:04:28.940 I think it can. I don't think by default it does. Yeah. Right. Because I know a lot of

01:04:34.080 people, like, I don't think it intrinsically means that because I know people and of people

01:04:38.660 who would say, Oh, you know, I didn't do as good as I could have. So I guess, I guess I'm

01:04:44.680 just not cut out for this. And they use it as an excuse. Well, maybe you aren't. If that's

01:04:48.460 what you say, maybe you aren't. Yeah. That's a good point. You know, nothing against you,

01:04:52.900 find something else. But if, if, you know, as a speaker, you want to get in front of people

01:05:01.240 influence. And this is just my T sense. This is not me speaking as a great professional speaker,

01:05:09.240 but, um, you know, if you have that realization and that insight as to, uh, mess that up and

01:05:21.200 you can't walk off stage and make a couple notes. And before you get back in front of that

01:05:25.940 next group, take 15 minutes to sit there and close your eyes and think about editing and

01:05:34.280 changing that line in your mind and making a note on your paper in your mind or on your

01:05:40.120 iPad, then you're probably not cut out for, you know, public speaking, at least a growing

01:05:54.520 career. That goes for anything, right? Exactly. That's what I was going to say. That goes for

01:05:59.840 anything. And if that is the case, like, you know, uh, get it going, you know, just

01:06:15.920 so one of the, so one of the things I hear from, from people is like, is they'll ask, you know,

01:06:21.960 when do you, when do you throw on the towel? Like, when do you quit? Like, when should somebody

01:06:25.800 quit doing what they're doing or a job or whatever? And, and I've thought a lot about

01:06:31.100 that because I actually, I believe there are appropriate times to quit. Like there's times

01:06:34.840 where you think, okay, I know this is something I don't want to do anymore. And I think that's

01:06:39.080 the distinction. When you get to the point where you're indifferent, uh, or you just, you're not

01:06:45.320 pat, you don't care about it. You don't care about the outcome or the result. I started to feel

01:06:49.780 that way when I had my financial planning practice, like there was meaning in it. There was value.

01:06:53.400 I was making good money. I felt good because I was helping people, but I'd have clients call

01:06:58.540 and I'd look at my phone and I was like, Oh, not because it was that person, but I just,

01:07:05.260 I didn't want to have that conversation. I was so indifferent to it. I didn't care. And I'm like,

01:07:09.700 you know, yeah, it's time to, to move along. And I think that's the point where we throw in the

01:07:15.460 towel. But as long as like, you're saying you get done with a presentation, you think, well,

01:07:18.980 I didn't kill it, but I'm going to kill the next one. Then you need to keep going.

01:07:23.400 Right.

01:07:23.880 Because there's still interest there.

01:07:25.280 Exactly. Exactly. And, uh, you know, there, there is like, you're saying that point of

01:07:37.340 you're not invested. You don't really care. You might still care about the people. You might

01:07:42.900 not, but also, you know, try to always be in tune with, are you seemingly getting to that

01:07:56.640 point? Because in your heart, you aren't really in it anymore or you aren't invested?

01:08:07.180 Or are you reaching that point and feeling those things because you didn't do

01:08:16.300 steps three through six on the way to that final end point?

01:08:21.980 So you're saying maybe instead of jumping to the conclusion that it's over, try doing it right

01:08:27.420 first.

01:08:28.160 You're crushing your own journey.

01:08:29.860 Right.

01:08:30.240 Pretty much.

01:08:30.960 Right. And maybe even purposely.

01:08:33.320 Yeah. I've seen people do that. You know, they're so talented or so gifted or so skilled

01:08:38.060 in something. And, and there's some, some activity or some mindset that they have and

01:08:45.800 they sabotage their own success. But in a lot of ways, I think it's because they're afraid

01:08:50.980 of, of what they're going to need to continue to do or afraid of how people will perceive

01:08:55.600 them or, you know, I've even seen very talented people in different facets of life who are afraid

01:09:03.040 of that talent because they're, they, they, they can't handle the pressure of what if they screw up

01:09:11.260 because they've always been so good at it, maybe even naturally gifted at something. And they can't

01:09:17.500 handle the fact that maybe at some point they're going to screw up and they're going to come across

01:09:21.740 something that is better than them. And they have a hard time dealing with that.

01:09:26.880 That might be the scariest version of all.

01:09:29.920 Oh, for sure. Well, I think it's, so we all place pressure on ourselves, right? To perform

01:09:34.660 in different facets of life. I mean, really the successful have it just as much as the

01:09:40.060 unsuccessful, but the successful people have just managed to deal with it. Like, okay. Yeah.

01:09:47.560 Yeah. You might not be your best. So, and so prepare, like get, get better, improve. So

01:09:52.840 you don't, so you don't come face to face with that reality. Yeah. You said something a minute

01:09:58.000 ago that, that kind of struck me and I can't remember the exact terminology you used, but

01:10:02.220 you said I had to, what was it? You had to step away from the metal or put the metal up or

01:10:07.440 something like that while you were going to school. You said something along those lines.

01:10:10.700 Does that ring a bell? Like you had to step away from the metal or put the metal. It was

01:10:15.280 something like that. Uh, maybe just talking about, um, going through, yeah, I don't know. I'm trying

01:10:26.040 to think. Maybe I missed the context. It just seemed like when, when you were saying it, there

01:10:32.760 was something about, you know, well, five years I had to step away to do schooling and, and.

01:10:37.260 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. It just took me five years to complete my degree because in the middle of

01:10:44.420 school I had to withdraw. Withdraw. That's. Yeah. For a semester. Oh, got it. For the metal. For

01:10:49.560 the metal. Okay. I misunderstood the context. Yeah. Got it. But also, uh, you know, school was

01:10:55.700 interesting. Um, I absolutely loved it. I would go back right now and do the whole four years over

01:11:03.000 again. Uh, academically, uh, I learned a lot, which is maybe an obvious statement for

01:11:10.320 school and college, but I don't know. There's a lot of time, a lot of learning or a lot of

01:11:17.540 instruction going on. I don't know how much learning is going on. And so, uh, you know,

01:11:22.380 that was as crazy as it was to drive out of the gate of Walter Reed after three years and pretty

01:11:30.340 much the next week be walking to freshman classes as a 23 or 24 year old. Um, you know, I had

01:11:40.400 to learn, um, uh, well, it forced me to start thinking about the recipient I was going to be,

01:11:55.400 you know, publicly, of course there's socializing in school, you know, people drinking at times

01:12:03.300 you find yourself in situations that whether you shouldn't be in or you don't want to be

01:12:09.020 in with the million camera phones around you. And so, um, you know, I had to, uh, you know,

01:12:21.740 be that guy, maybe people thought at times and some express like, I was a, you know, weirdo in

01:12:29.200 that moment and no one really understood why I was saying, Hey, you know, like, I don't want to be

01:12:33.840 in this picture. You know, I'm, I need to leave wherever I'm at, whatever the case was. But that was

01:12:40.800 just kind of like an expedited kind of four or five years before the real world that really, you know,

01:12:50.620 makes you think about, um, and I think everyone in those formative years and mine just were a little

01:12:57.400 delayed because the military, but you think about who you want to be, the person you want to be,

01:13:03.420 the type of people you want to surround yourself with. And of course, in the mix of that, I just had

01:13:09.400 to, um, you know, think about and, and realize the recipient I wanted to be, uh, the, you know,

01:13:19.260 um, uh, and not just socially, but in the real world too, the groups I wanted to associate with,

01:13:25.780 the, um, organizations I wanted to help, uh, and through all that learning, you know, unfortunately

01:13:34.240 what it seemed like when people approached you with, uh, very selfish things or people that,

01:13:43.600 you know, for years, again, I had to learn how to say no. And at times kind of be the bad guy,

01:13:49.220 just sticking up for myself, but like through navigating college and being a brand new recipient,

01:13:56.840 um, you know, also being disheartened every once in a while because, you know, people would,

01:14:05.100 uh, you know, we'd have all these pre-event talks. I would get on a plane and they'd say, oh,

01:14:12.860 you know, this person's picking you up at the airport. You'll have a four hour break and then

01:14:19.160 the event, and then you're off on, you know, you can do whatever for the rest of the night.

01:14:23.340 I, I would get there. There would be like four or five people waiting on me when I got off the plane,

01:14:28.740 just like to spend some time with me, take pictures and all that. Yeah. So I'm already like,

01:14:35.580 like getting, you know, destroyed before I even leave the airport. Cause then, you know,

01:14:41.420 they're wanting to take pictures right there in the gate and other people are coming over like,

01:14:45.220 what's going on. Who's this guy? Oh, you know, my uncle who I've never met, you know,

01:14:53.700 seven generations down on my mom's side. He was like in the coast guard for six months. I'm thinking

01:15:00.060 like six months, the story's already falling apart after the seven generation. And so, you know,

01:15:06.660 but people are amazing and I appreciate it, but they would get me to events knowing that

01:15:11.300 I didn't have any representation. They knew it was just, you know, me being generous and goodness

01:15:17.840 out of my heart coming to help them. They had hit me right when I got off the plane and then they'd

01:15:24.440 say, Oh, well, you know, we got some board members that want to spend time with you. So we're going to

01:15:30.560 go to lunch and, but you'll still get an hour to relax before the event. So then I'm rushing to get

01:15:35.800 ready. I'm by myself and I can't button. So I have to block off. Like if I need to be ready at 6am,

01:15:43.700 you know, I'm up at five showered and everything ready by 515. Cause it takes me 45 minutes to

01:15:50.580 button hook my shirt with a tool, put my tie on. So I don't really have that hour. Then I go straight

01:15:58.060 into the event. I haven't taken a breather. I haven't gotten any food, barely a drink of water for the

01:16:03.720 past four hours since I landed. I've already taken 200 pictures. Then I'm going on stage.

01:16:10.480 And, you know, before I started working with the speakers bureau very recently,

01:16:15.580 you know, I, again, was kind of like a lone ranger for many years. Like I had to learn

01:16:22.180 the structure of events, say, Hey, I'm taking this two hour break before the event. I don't care if

01:16:30.320 the president is wanting to sit down with me, you know? And so then I didn't give a hard stop time.

01:16:37.900 I didn't know to do that. Sure. So instead of 12 to one and the last 15 minutes being a Q and a,

01:16:45.220 it was 12 to 2 PM. And then the Q and a started. And after, you know, I was going to get a little

01:16:54.220 break after and do what I had the rest of the night free, but there's some, you know,

01:17:01.740 blue star families that have come in and want to have dinner with you. And well, not really some,

01:17:08.880 there's 27. So you're doing another event next five hours. And so I'm getting to my room at,

01:17:15.160 you know, midnight and I'm flying out on the five 20 flight to be back in class at 8 AM.

01:17:21.380 So it was just like a lot to learn and navigate. And, but ultimately like, yeah, that, that was

01:17:30.700 just an amazing time period. And, and, and everyone's like, Oh yeah, you know, you loved it so

01:17:37.260 much because you were in college and all this stuff. And it's like, not really like, yeah, that was

01:17:41.760 amazing. But have you ever been essentially locked in a hospital for three years and told you can't

01:17:49.660 leave until we complete these 40 surgeries on you. And so for those three years and people think

01:17:56.220 like, Oh, it was just a physical recovery. And, uh, you know, you were there, whatever, but it is

01:18:04.500 difficult to not only be in that state recovering in the hospital, but it's a difficult pill to swallow

01:18:14.020 when you realize the rest of the world keeps spinning. Still going perfectly fine. And you're

01:18:19.840 not, you're stuck in like groundhog. You know, you get some cards, you get some phone calls and I got

01:18:24.540 a lot, like I, I will never discredit that every single person that when I woke up in the hospital,

01:18:30.520 my mom had, I mean, they just dumped letters of support and encouragement from every corner of the

01:18:39.680 country, every state. And they dumped them in my mom's trunk and filled it up. And, and, you know,

01:18:47.720 they read them to me for hours at Walter Reed while I was laying in the bed. So I'll never take anything

01:18:53.200 away from that. But, you know, the world keeps spinning all of the, the, your friends that you

01:19:01.860 were in high school with, and this is not a pity party. I joined, I would never change anything.

01:19:07.620 Um, I think it's important because it is, this is, this is like we were saying earlier, it's

01:19:12.080 perspective, right? And people need to know this stuff because they don't have the type of hardship

01:19:17.620 that you went through and still I'm sure go through at times. And so, uh, the world keeps spinning and

01:19:25.300 all the kids I was in high school with are living it up and not a care in the world in college. All of

01:19:32.340 my Marines I was with, thankfully, most of them didn't get injured or killed. So they were still

01:19:38.480 over there together doing what I wanted to be doing. And like, you know, you mentioned hallucinations

01:19:45.200 earlier. One of my worst hallucinations that, you know, kind of haunts me, but still gives me

01:19:53.940 perspective every day was when I, before I really woke up five weeks later, uh, for people not familiar

01:20:03.320 with this part of my journey, there was like maybe eight to 15 hours that I woke up somewhere in the

01:20:14.000 five week unconscious stretch. And, uh, I had either, I was either going into a big brain surgery or coming

01:20:22.520 out. But anyway, the, the medication levels kind of weaned off and I woke up a little bit, but with the

01:20:30.060 trauma, with the medication, waking up in that crazy state, again, it was only a few hours, but it seemed like

01:20:38.880 it would never end. And it seemed like it went on for months, but I had terrible, terrible, and that's

01:20:47.240 still an understatement, but terrible hallucinations. And one of the, uh, most powerful ones was, uh, I was

01:21:00.840 standing and I might, sorry, Ryan, I might've told this in the first one. I can't remember, but, uh, I was

01:21:08.700 standing in this massive open field and there was only one tree in the whole field and I was standing

01:21:19.580 beside it on top of, it wasn't a big hill. It was just a slight sloping incline up to this, this small

01:21:28.340 hill with a tree on it. And I was looking down in the valley of this hill or from this hill and there

01:21:38.580 was a funeral going on. And the only person there in this entire field was me and the religious

01:21:49.800 figure leading this funeral. And there was a hole in the ground where the casket was and my feet are

01:21:58.760 stuck. I can't move. I'm forced to just stand there and watch this. I remember thinking like,

01:22:05.580 what am I doing here? Like, whose funeral is this? And then I realized it was mine. And, uh,

01:22:13.740 and, uh, no one had come. And so, uh, I realized that no one came because all my buddies, uh, were upset

01:22:28.520 with me and they hated me because I left them in Afghanistan. And so, um, of course, uh, that wasn't

01:22:36.540 true. And when I woke up, they were calling me and, and bugging me from Afghanistan all the way to my

01:22:43.200 hospital room bed. But, um, yeah, like, you know, the world keeps spinning. I left my buddies. That was

01:22:50.520 extremely hard. Um, and then, you know, also you don't just leave them, but you leave them knowing

01:22:56.900 that the next blast could get them and you're never going to see them again. And you didn't even get to

01:23:02.840 spend those final moments in Afghanistan with them. So, uh, that happened, but ultimately again,

01:23:09.120 you know, you can learn, uh, from every situation, good and bad. And, you know, that moment as crazy and

01:23:18.380 untrue and just weird and crazy as it was, uh, that moment kind of translated to, you know, in my brain

01:23:29.680 for the rest of my life, taking that, you know, moment, but kind of using it and, and thinking,

01:23:41.980 okay, well, obviously that didn't happen, but that will happen one day. I will be getting put in the

01:23:52.160 ground and I will be having my funeral. And, uh, I always think about that and, and that hallucination

01:24:05.540 to think, what am I doing in my life? So that when, you know, I reached that time and, and those final

01:24:19.120 moments and, and my funeral, uh, who will want to be there? And what will I have done to, uh, hopefully

01:24:27.720 at least have a couple of people there might be a few people show up, but what will I have done to

01:24:32.880 impact people, uh, to where they, you know, kind of want to tell me, thank you, uh, for the life and

01:24:41.300 legacy that, you know, I gave. Is that what drives you is to, to leave a positive impact on the people

01:24:50.900 you come and count and encounter and come in contact with? Uh, yes, but ultimately,

01:24:58.340 you know, not for money, not for likes, not for anything. Um, but I would say

01:25:09.180 what you just said, but on the biggest and greatest scale possible. And again, not for

01:25:20.760 the money or attention or people knowing my name, it's more, and kind of like with public speaking,

01:25:28.340 I always thought, okay, well, the better I can get, the bigger groups I can get, the more

01:25:38.480 people in the audience that translates to. Sure. Therefore, the more people I can touch,

01:25:44.760 connect with and help. Right. So yeah, I guess ultimately just, um, you know, the most summarized

01:25:53.240 way I could put how I want my life to go is, um, just making the, the biggest and best impact on the

01:26:04.680 world with the short and finite time that I have left that we all have left.

01:26:11.640 Do you feel like the experience that you went through was, was just a random experience that just

01:26:20.260 happened to happen to happen to you? Cause you were there at the right place at the right time

01:26:24.480 or the wrong place, the wrong time, however you want to look at it. Or do you think that this was

01:26:29.720 part of something that it was supposed to be you and that it's putting you in the position that you're

01:26:38.120 supposed to be?

01:26:38.920 You just had to ask me the question I've never had an answer to.

01:26:48.160 The best kind of questions.

01:26:49.700 Yeah.

01:26:49.960 That's what you have to ponder and think on.

01:26:51.700 Yeah. You know, I don't, um, I won't say I think about this to the point where I struggle with it,

01:26:58.380 but I wish I had a dollar for every time I've thought about, um, you know, is, um,

01:27:08.920 was I just in that position and thankfully I stepped up to be the fellow Marine and friend

01:27:19.720 that I could, uh, or did it happen exactly as it should have? And did I get put through that

01:27:33.140 because it was necessary and would lay the foundation to give me the tools that would become essential in

01:27:54.240 impacting the world? And, uh, it's a tough, but, um, uh, powerful and, and beautiful question

01:28:12.420 because, uh, it might take me the rest of my life to have any more insight into that.

01:28:21.080 It might be a single moment, which I've already experienced. Like when the Marine, um, whose rank

01:28:31.760 and ribbon rack show me had probably been in combat since I was in diapers, uh, told me that he didn't

01:28:37.840 take his own life because if I could get up every morning and push forward, he could too.

01:28:44.880 Or I might reach that funeral and, um, I still won't have the answer. Uh, but, uh, a lot of things in life

01:28:59.900 are about the chase and about, um, the discovery and, um, the journey to that discovery. And so, um, you know,

01:29:12.320 going all the way back to the very beginning of this, I just, no matter what, no matter what questions

01:29:17.720 I can or cannot answer, you know, I'm still here. I would have never met you, your family,

01:29:27.660 Pete last night, you know, I would have never learned how to, the Southern boy would have never learned how

01:29:33.660 to properly, uh, crack a lobster up, down and side to side. Uh, so every day, um, as crazy as some of

01:29:44.240 those big questions are every day, you know, I just think, man, how amazing and how crazy is it that

01:29:53.240 I almost never experienced this. I almost never very painfully crossed the finish line of that

01:30:00.300 marathon or felt like what it was like to jump out of a plane or to have someone, you know, tell you

01:30:07.740 that you truly helped save them. And so, uh, yeah, ultimately, you know, I'm just, you know, every day's

01:30:15.260 a bonus round and I'm going to, I'm going to keep, keep living them until my time's up or thankfully,

01:30:23.700 you know, hopefully I have that answer. My wife asked you a question last night and, and said,

01:30:30.440 you know, what do you like to do? I think is the question she asked. And you said, I just like to

01:30:36.340 explore an adventure and try new things. And I thought that was, you know, again, I think the

01:30:42.900 underlying theme of what we're talking today is perspective. And so you talking about jumping

01:30:48.440 out of a plane and doing the marathon and all this stuff is like, I wonder if that desire for

01:30:55.300 experience and trying new things comes from how close you were. Yeah, absolutely. To not being able

01:31:02.500 to experience that stuff. I mean, I had a foundation. Um, you know, my mom, we always took local

01:31:09.560 adventures, road trips around Mississippi where I was born all over the Southeast to see family. And,

01:31:16.440 um, you know, I think I had, I had the spark, but yeah, man, at 21, when I thought when I got extremely

01:31:31.140 tired and the blood was pouring out and I thought those were my final moments, uh, to wake up,

01:31:39.340 and have an entire lifetime, hopefully to just, again, experience those things that I thought

01:31:50.280 I never would have when the lights went out, um, is just amazing. And that is absolutely what I enjoy

01:31:59.820 and what drives me. But also, and I've been thinking about this lately, um,

01:32:06.700 those final moments were not just a blessing. They were somewhat of a curse because,

01:32:16.780 um, you know, I don't struggle with my injuries. I don't struggle with what happened. I've never looked

01:32:24.900 back and thought, man, I wish I could change that or do that differently. Uh, and even the grenade and

01:32:32.060 what happened, it's like, you know, whatever, like these are the cards, but those final moments also

01:32:38.200 gave me a deep and genuine fear of time. Hmm. How short it is or what? How short it is and, um,

01:32:52.360 how you can't do everything. You, that's still something that's the, that's the quote unquote curse

01:32:58.080 you're talking every day. And sometimes I have to remind myself to, I have to continually focus on

01:33:08.100 being present because whereas some people are like, oh, I can't wait to get to the weekend or I can't

01:33:15.620 wait till my vacation next month. I'm always living in the past because I enjoy the experiences and the

01:33:23.520 moments I have so much, I'm like, man, you know, what if I never get to do that again? Or that was so

01:33:31.240 backpacking Europe with my buddies. Like I'll never have that exact trip, trip again. And that's what

01:33:38.240 makes those moments so beautiful. Sure. Of course. But I just, I get like perpetually stuck in thinking

01:33:44.040 about like, oh man, that was amazing. And that was also when I was 27 and I'm 31. Like, you know,

01:33:52.640 and also knowing that when my time comes, I won't have been able to visit every city and country in

01:34:00.320 the whole world. Right. And it's like, not, not bad things, but you really, you know, I learned early

01:34:08.300 on that the past is truly the past and you can't change it and you can't get it back. So I'm like

01:34:13.620 reteaching myself the lessons that I thought I had truly learned early on. And it's like, it's kind of

01:34:21.060 funny, kind of serious and kind of like a beautiful thing because, um, life is that awesome. Uh, it's

01:34:28.560 just, you know, those final moments, they taught me so much good and bad. And one of those is, um,

01:34:38.120 uh, and we all know this, but life is short and life is finite and time, um, time flies when you're

01:34:48.900 having fun. And, uh, like a couple weeks ago, uh, someone said, oh, yeah, that's so crazy. The miracle

01:34:58.640 on the Hudson was 10 years ago. Yeah. I'm like, it's wild. What? I had to sit down and I had to think

01:35:06.300 like, nah, they got it wrong. It was five years ago. Yeah. Just, just really mind blowing. And so,

01:35:15.300 uh, um, now in life and I say now, and this has really just been, you know, realizing cause during

01:35:23.380 quarantine, I finally, for the first time in like 10 years since the blast had a chance to slow down

01:35:29.260 just cause you know, went from running and gunning in Afghanistan to the hospital, focusing on my

01:35:36.380 injury a week after the hospital school, two weeks after school started working on the book. And then

01:35:43.520 that took two years. So take away quarantine. I'm just now, you know, kind of getting to a point where

01:35:50.060 I'm ready to thinking about that next step along with speaking, whatever that is for me. But quarantine

01:35:56.900 was the first time I had a chance to really rest, settle my mind and think about where I've been,

01:36:05.720 where I'm at, where I'm going. And, uh, I think that's when I started to really focus on it and

01:36:12.240 realize it. Um, but, um, yeah, I've never, obviously it's been recent, but I've never really talked about

01:36:21.360 that before mentioned that, or I don't even think I really realized how much I focused on.

01:36:26.900 Like the past and how much I just didn't enjoy life, but you know, everything, um,

01:36:33.720 everything is a, a dark side to some degree, you know, um, or maybe not dark, uh, a difficult side

01:36:44.200 and then nothing's ever just perfectly, at least nothing ever worth having. Like we talked about

01:36:50.860 as ever worth just, um, only having a pure, perfectly good and easy side, but, um,

01:36:59.360 yeah. When you, uh, so you talk about the lights going out was you alluded to this and I, I want to

01:37:10.160 clarify and see if I understand was, was the last thing that you remember before they went out for,

01:37:16.100 it sounds like five weeks roughly was this is it or were there other thoughts before I had three

01:37:24.040 thoughts. I thought about my family. Then I thought about my mom and how devastated she was going to

01:37:32.380 be when she got the news or the knock on the door or the car in the driveway that informed her that I

01:37:40.180 would not, I didn't survive to make it home. And my third thought was, I said a quick prayer for

01:37:49.460 forgiveness and anything I had done wrong in my life. So I never actually thought this is it.

01:38:00.020 I just knew that it was it from how I felt from the blood loss, from how,

01:38:06.460 how deeply I was being consumed by the tiredness and how much I couldn't escape the lights fading.

01:38:18.120 And so I know, I don't think trying, huh? Were you trying to, you said escape the lights fading?

01:38:25.500 Were you trying to escape that? Do you remember actively like fighting that?

01:38:31.120 Uh, no, no, it was so inevitable and I don't know how I knew that, but, um, I was not escaping it.

01:38:41.500 And I, I truly, I just knew without even having, it was crazy. I don't even know how that works,

01:38:47.820 but I knew without even having the thought that, um, you know, this was it. Right.

01:38:56.500 But I'm thankful there, there wasn't any panic or regret. Um, there wasn't, you know,

01:39:04.320 what have I done? Why am I dying over here? Anything like that? I mean, uh, I tell people

01:39:12.720 all the time cause, you know, we were talking about last night, Afghanistan, some parts anyway,

01:39:19.920 hopefully it doesn't continue, but, uh, you know, the Taliban kind of, uh, resurging in certain areas.

01:39:26.720 And, um, I just, I know people will, but I hope no one ever says like, oh, well, what were we doing over there?

01:39:35.160 See, we didn't do anything or, you know, what did we lose all those service members for?

01:39:41.380 People get so focused on, they think we're there just, you know, trying to put America in Afghanistan

01:39:49.940 or trying to just fight and kill the Taliban. And that's our mission. No, there is a much bigger

01:39:59.760 and deeper picture. And like having the patience and taking a deep breath to educate, you know,

01:40:06.300 when people approach you in weird, different or uneducated ways, it's not any of the simple

01:40:13.640 little things you're thinking about, or it's not as clear cut. Um,

01:40:19.940 the children there just want to learn how to read. They want fresh, clean drinking water.

01:40:28.520 And ultimately they just want to wake up and hope and realize that today's sunset or sunrise

01:40:36.640 is a little better than the day before. And we don't want to put America there. We don't want

01:40:42.760 everyone having MacBook Pros in their, you know, villages.

01:40:49.940 We just want them, if they want that, we want them to be able to make that decision

01:40:55.880 without being oppressed and without fearing for their lives. That if they try to learn how to read,

01:41:04.140 they're going to be killed, stoned to death or beheaded, or they're going to be kidnapped and

01:41:11.460 killed, or they're going to go to school and the Taliban are going to blow up and kill 200 little

01:41:17.780 girls for wanting to learn. Like, it's not all about the bad guys. It's not all about anything

01:41:24.980 you're probably thinking. I mean, think if you lived your life every day in fear and you lived your life

01:41:34.180 to where you never felt like you had any freedoms. And again, people criticizing, that is one of the

01:41:46.500 beauties of us having a volunteer military force. And those, you know, that 1% that gets exposed to

01:41:56.700 what it's like to have boots on the ground over there. You know, yeah, we want to get rid of the

01:42:01.360 Taliban, but I mean, you know, fill in the blank on bad guys. We just want to give a fellow struggling

01:42:10.980 human being a better and more hopeful life and future.

01:42:17.260 It sounds like that idea and that concept is carried over for you beyond military service,

01:42:23.360 which I certainly appreciate. When, when you woke up, was there a moment where you're like,

01:42:30.360 what, what in the world? It's like, what, what's, what was that like? Like wait, like coming to

01:42:36.320 five weeks later, right? Right. Was it, Oh shit. I didn't know that I was, would be alive or were

01:42:44.360 you confused or what, what was that like? It was, uh, I mean, if I had to say one word, it was weird

01:43:01.040 because I, I quickly realized in, I was in the hospital. I think, I think, uh, well, first it was

01:43:12.620 like, Whoa, I woke up, you know, I, I, my last thought was this is it. Like I'm never waking up

01:43:23.600 again. And then I woke up. I'm like, sweet. Like, awesome. But you didn't know that that time had

01:43:30.560 elapsed probably. I didn't, I didn't know, dude, I didn't know what year it was. I didn't know that

01:43:34.760 time had elapsed. I didn't know what had it had happened. I didn't remember the grenade. I

01:43:40.320 didn't remember seeing it, thinking about it. Um, and even after I got hit, grenade went off

01:43:47.260 one second later, I was trying to put the pieces together in my mind of what even happened

01:43:56.440 one second after it happened. And my thought process was, okay, I'm pretty sure I was in

01:44:03.840 Afghanistan and I've been in Afghanistan for four months to this point. So that just shows

01:44:08.800 how instantly distorted my reality and time was. And so I thought, okay, I'm pretty sure I was

01:44:15.140 in Afghanistan. I think I was on a roof, but what could have injured me this bad on a roof?

01:44:24.380 Maybe I got off of the roof. I went on a foot patrol. I stepped on an IED or a landmine

01:44:30.180 and the roof is just the last thing I can recollect. Then the lights went out and then I woke up.

01:44:38.140 Uh, uh, and my first sight, uh, was I opened the only I had left to Christmas stockings that my mom

01:44:49.080 had hung on my hospital room wall. So I think that instantly made me realize that I woke up for real.

01:44:59.380 Right. Because in between this, remember was a hallucination. Yeah. And one of my hallucinations

01:45:04.580 was I was in a coffin on a military transport plane flying back to the United States and I woke up in

01:45:12.680 this coffin. You were in the coffin. Yeah, I was in the coffin. And it was like, I guess from the bumps

01:45:18.020 and dude, so crazy. And like, I'm talking about this hallucination, but there was also giant spiders

01:45:24.740 that attacked my hospital room, Taliban, you know, my dad got shot up charging the, the emergency room

01:45:31.720 because they wouldn't give me a surgery I needed. Um, but I'm on this military transport plane

01:45:38.080 and I guess cause the turbulence and it was like a freaking coffin from the civil war, like

01:45:44.680 just random, like cracks in it, just strips of wood. Yeah. Yeah. But I was stacked with others though.

01:45:53.660 Hmm. And, and it was so weird. It was like, I was on a future, I knew I was in a military plane,

01:46:00.320 but it was like futuristic because we were in this little pod bay and there was like this big, you know,

01:46:06.860 press a button and, you know, steam comes out and you walk into the next room. Yeah, exactly.

01:46:13.380 And it's cracked because the turbulence, I guess, knocked the top off a little. And I can see there's

01:46:20.180 like one service member in camouflage on the other side of this futuristic door.

01:46:26.700 And I'm like screaming and doing like shaking the coffin, doing everything I can to let him know,

01:46:33.920 like it's worst case scenario. Y'all put me in here and I'm not even dead. Come on.

01:46:38.760 And so, and I remember like, what am I going to do? What am I going to do? And I'm just like in there cause

01:46:45.320 this is a funny part of my crazy journey in the beginning. In this hallucination and a couple of

01:46:55.840 others, I had stick arms, like straight up snowman. Oh really? And when I, even when I woke up for

01:47:03.540 real, uh, well, like woke up in this hallucination period, I would ask my mom like, Hey mom, I got

01:47:15.180 to get up out of the bed. I got to go to the bathroom. Like, can, can I have my sticks? And

01:47:19.280 I would always ask for my sticks. Oh really? And that was your arms? Yeah. And so, but I did,

01:47:23.380 I didn't have my sticks yet. So I'm like, I can't do anything. I don't have my arms. And I'm like

01:47:28.900 hitting with my shoulders and bouncing back and forth, trying to rock my coffin to where

01:47:33.920 it would fall off. It did crack open. I fell out. Dude didn't notice me. He had no situational

01:47:42.340 awareness. Like great. Now I'm just like, like roly poly all over the weird futuristic Avengers

01:47:50.120 bay of this plane. But, um, but, uh, yeah, it was just, I guess, funny side note, but, um,

01:47:59.920 I was very disoriented at the same time, those Christmas stockings, because they were so red

01:48:06.300 and so bizarre. Uh, they kind of made me realize that, uh, maybe I wasn't hallucinating.

01:48:18.040 This is different because they were somewhat normal and the hallucinations are just so out

01:48:22.760 there. And then, you know, uh, my vision was blurry at first cause like they had these drops

01:48:30.660 and I forget exactly. I used to have an MD and every single medication the hospital offered,

01:48:36.120 but it's called atropine and I forget what it is, but, um, it dilates your eye. And so the only good

01:48:43.840 eye I had left was super dilated. So everything was kind of like blurry and nothing was in focus,

01:48:49.180 but seeing those Christmas stockings and then obviously just kind of seeing my parents in a

01:48:54.800 normal hospital room. Um, you know, I knew I woke up and I knew that somehow I was still alive. Yeah.

01:49:04.340 And, um, you know, a few weeks after I woke up, my mom said we reached a point that she had dreaded

01:49:10.840 from like the moment they kind of knew I was going to survive and that was waking up and asking to see

01:49:17.580 my face. Hmm. And, uh, I guess to kind of beat me to it and just maybe get out of the way or she knew

01:49:24.920 it was going to happen anyway. Um, my mom said, you know, do you want to see, you know, your face and

01:49:31.000 your stitches and she got a little makeup mirror out. And, uh, I remember she showed me and I was

01:49:39.620 super pleasantly surprised. Really? Yeah. I'm like, Whoa, it was better than you. Like I must have not.

01:49:45.080 Yeah. I mean, I had stitches and my face was completely black and a lot of people don't know

01:49:50.100 unless they read the book, but, um, those marks and they faded significantly over time,

01:49:55.880 but it was gunpowder tattooed into my face. And so, uh, it was really dark and obviously I had an

01:50:03.220 eye patch on my head was shaved and there was a big scar. Um, but I mean, and minus the no teeth on

01:50:11.640 the bottom and my lower jaw being like a little rigid from the, the wiring they put in it to reform it.

01:50:19.620 Uh, I pretty much still looked like me and, you know, way later on, I,

01:50:25.880 we learned or I learned that. And I, I mean, my mom and my parents, I just,

01:50:31.960 I still can barely think about what they went through and kind of what I put them through,

01:50:36.000 even though they would have never, never taken a extra second off or they would have never not been

01:50:42.740 there. Um, the oral maxillofacial surgeons before my mom, either before or after she got there and

01:50:55.000 before I had my facial reconstructive surgery, they asked her to bring any pictures she had of me

01:51:02.920 from childhood because so much of my face was blown apart. They didn't really know what I looked like

01:51:08.720 before. Right. And so I can't imagine like she not only got the news and I'm clinging to life and

01:51:14.320 to get there as soon as possible, but Hey, can you bring any pictures so we can put your son's face

01:51:20.040 back together? Oh my God. And so, uh, but yeah, by the time I woke up, I mean, I had had surgeries

01:51:26.060 in two combat trauma hospitals in Afghanistan. I got probably touched up and cleaned up in Germany.

01:51:34.720 And then, you know, seven days after getting hit on the battlefield, I got wheeled into,

01:51:39.700 into, at the time it was Bethesda National Naval Medical Center. Now they've merged hospitals and,

01:51:45.280 uh, it's Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. Um, but, um, yeah, I, I woke up for real

01:51:54.640 and, um, happy to still be kicking. That's crazy, man. I know it is wild, but this is why I wanted

01:52:06.140 to talk about, I mean, obviously I enjoy our friendship, but again, I think it's important

01:52:10.120 people hear these stories and they know about what you went through and what other people have gone

01:52:13.900 through because as we started this podcast, it's so convenient, you know, everything is so convenient

01:52:21.940 and so easy. And that's not to discount that people are going through hard times, especially

01:52:25.660 with what's going on right now, but it's so convenient and easy relative to any other time

01:52:31.400 in history. And I think we take advantage largely or take it for granted. I should say largely that

01:52:38.040 there's millions of men and women who have paid sacrifices like you have in the ultimate sacrifice

01:52:44.380 to make sure that we can be as ignorant and fat and dumb, as lazy as, as you know, we have a tendency

01:52:50.220 of becoming. So man, I appreciate you. I appreciate our friendship. I appreciate what you've done. I'm so

01:52:56.420 glad that you're willing to share this kind of stuff because I imagine some of these stories are painful,

01:53:00.500 but man, much needed. So I really, really appreciate you bringing these stories to us.

01:53:06.260 Same to you, Ryan. Thanks for having me. Thank you for, uh, your purpose and your platform

01:53:12.500 and allowing me to share my stories, but, um, to all the guests you have on and just,

01:53:18.680 uh, you know, whether it's, this is the last episode or you do this for the rest of your life.

01:53:25.040 Um, uh, you will never see the, the length or the depth that your ripple effects will go and you

01:53:42.080 never know who you're helping, how much you're helping. Um, so thank you as well. And, um, I'm

01:53:49.440 encouraged that there's other awesome people, you know, out there getting after it, trying to help

01:53:54.980 people and, um, just let people know that, you know, we're all on this journey together and, um,

01:54:04.880 you know, you can have your hard times, you can have your wonderful times and a lot of in between,

01:54:11.280 but, you know, you can get through it. And, um, I'm already looking forward to my next trip up to Maine.

01:54:17.500 Yes, sir. Yeah. We're going to have you up for some ice fishing, some hiking, of course, more lobster,

01:54:22.960 which I think we're going to do this afternoon. In fact.

01:54:24.980 But yeah, anyways, brother, good to have you here. Honored to have you join us. Thanks again.

01:54:28.800 Thanks, man. Appreciate it.

01:54:31.180 All right, guys, there you go. Uh, what, what a powerful conversation. I mean, this, this,

01:54:36.940 this, this human being is an incredible human being. And, and I almost, I almost hesitate to say

01:54:43.000 he's the youngest living medal of honor recipient because that's important. And that's an indicator of

01:54:50.580 the type of person this is, but it doesn't fully articulate or express who Kyle is. That's a snippet

01:54:57.640 in his life. And to see the things that he's doing outside of that, his desire to serve, his desire to

01:55:03.220 be helpful, his desire to lead other people and, and help them get to a better position themselves

01:55:08.580 as, as unparalleled. So, uh, make sure you're connected with Kyle. If you're not already,

01:55:13.440 uh, you can do that on Instagram chicks, dig scars, which is one of the cooler, obviously,

01:55:17.960 uh, Instagram usernames, but that's Kyle at chicks, dig scars, connect with me on Instagram,

01:55:23.460 take some screenshots. This is a Memorial day episode. We want, we want you to hear these stories.

01:55:30.120 They're very, very important. I think in a lot of ways that we as society has law have lost the

01:55:36.000 meaning. Uh, we've lost an intimacy, I guess, or a familiarity with what happens, uh, in these

01:55:45.000 conflicts. And, uh, as difficult as the stories are to hear, it's very important that we do hear them

01:55:53.300 because we need to know, we need to be intimately familiar with the pain and the suffering and the

01:56:00.060 tragedy that comes with battle. So that two things, we appreciate what it takes to protect our way of

01:56:06.080 life. Uh, and we hold it in high regard that it's sacred, uh, that, that we don't take it lightly,

01:56:14.780 that we're familiar with it so that we don't take war flippantly or casually. And we recognize it for

01:56:22.080 what it is. So, uh, again, connect with Kyle, connect with me. Let me know what you think,

01:56:26.640 take the screenshots, uh, sign up for legacy event, order a man.com slash legacy. That's for you and

01:56:32.040 your boys sign up for the main event, order a man.com slash main event. Uh, and then just make

01:56:37.000 sure you're sharing, leave a rating review, share, do what you got to do to, uh, carry your, your,

01:56:41.340 your weight, if you will, in, in getting this information out there. All right, guys, that's

01:56:46.120 all I've got for today. Again, let us know what you thought. I think it was a powerful one. Of course,

01:56:50.380 I'm a bit biased, but I'd love to hear from you. So make sure you do that. Uh, we'll be back tomorrow

01:56:54.320 for our ask me anything, but until then go out there, take action and become the man you are

01:56:59.800 meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your

01:57:04.620 life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - May 25, 2021

KYLE CARPENTER ｜ Live Worthy of Our Fallen

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