Order of Man - Laurin Ponce ｜ Why Opposite Sexes Struggle to Connect

00:00:00.000 Some of the most misunderstood and emotionally charged topics for men are attraction, compatibility,

00:00:06.120 and what actually helps create lasting connection with a woman. 1.00

00:00:10.500 My guest today, Lauren Ponce, helps us break down the difference between compatibility, 0.91

00:00:15.580 connection, and chemistry, and why confusing those three is where most relationships go

00:00:21.080 off the rails.

00:00:22.200 We talk about what women truly find attractive in a grounded man, what it really means when

00:00:27.640 a woman asks for quote-unquote space, why it feels like there are more rules for men

00:00:33.120 than there might be for women, and how respect is built long before it's ever given. 1.00

00:00:38.620 We talk about different attachment styles and masculine frame to why women's touch is medicine 1.00

00:00:44.640 and how peace and respect create a relationship where both people feel safe and free.

00:00:52.080 This conversation genuinely cracks open the unspoken dynamics that most men are trying

00:00:58.840 to navigate alone.

00:01:00.440 You're a man of action.

00:01:01.820 You live life to the fullest.

00:01:03.280 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:01:06.200 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:01:10.640 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:01:15.700 This is your life.

00:01:16.780 This is who you are.

00:01:17.900 This is who you will become at the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you

00:01:23.160 can call yourself a man.

00:01:25.940 Gentlemen, welcome to the Order of Man podcast.

00:01:28.160 I am Ryan Michler.

00:01:29.240 I'm your host and the founder, and I want to welcome you here.

00:01:31.900 We're kicking 2026 off right with relationship advice from Lauren Ponce.

00:01:37.540 I'm going to introduce her in a minute, but this was her very first podcast.

00:01:42.020 I didn't know that.

00:01:42.740 She's so well-spoken, so much great insight, very well-known on Instagram and probably TikTok

00:01:50.100 and YouTube.

00:01:50.920 I don't really engage much with TikTok, but I'm sure she's huge over there as well, and

00:01:55.780 I think you guys are going to get a lot of valuable insight from the female perspective

00:02:00.480 that will help us in our relationships.

00:02:03.180 Now, before I get to that, I just want to mention my good friends over at Montana Knife

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00:02:17.280 and I'm not one for just saying, hey, let's just be charitable and give all our money to,

00:02:23.380 you know, of course, let's be charitable in those moments, but I'm not looking for charity

00:02:27.160 here.

00:02:27.560 What I want you to do is I want you to support America.

00:02:30.620 I want you to support American workers, and I want you to have good products and tools that

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00:02:38.040 than Montana Knife Company.

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00:02:48.700 Go to their Instagram or their website and look at the facility they're building, all

00:02:53.300 100% made and sourced in America.

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00:03:02.120 Go over there, check it out.

00:03:03.120 Use the code ORDEROMAND if you pick anything up.

00:03:05.780 That lets them know that you found them here, and also it helps us build the movement to

00:03:12.200 reclaim and restore masculinity.

00:03:14.420 All right, guys, let me introduce you to my guest.

00:03:16.920 Her name is Lauren Ponce.

00:03:18.160 She's a relationship coach, a men's development mentor who helps men and couples understand

00:03:25.600 the dynamics of attraction and compatibility and emotional connection, all very confusing

00:03:31.100 stuff, but she breaks it all down, gives us easy to digest insight and helps put it into

00:03:38.160 practice.

00:03:39.240 Her work focuses on the interplay between masculine and feminine energy, different attachment styles

00:03:45.520 and the behavioral patterns that shape how men and women show up in relationships.

00:03:51.060 She's got a very practical approach, a no-nonsense approach, which is probably why I resonate

00:03:56.000 with what she says, but she helps men develop a secure foundation mentally, emotionally, physically,

00:04:03.720 relationally, so they can lead with clarity.

00:04:06.160 And that's the biggest thing, because when you have clarity, you have self-respect and you

00:04:09.480 have intention rather than anxiety or reactivity.

00:04:14.380 Enjoy this one, gents.

00:04:15.080 Hey, Lauren, so good to see you.

00:04:18.400 I have been a follower of you for, gosh, just a couple of months now, but I think I told

00:04:22.680 you before we hit record, your videos, man, they just resonate so deeply with me.

00:04:26.960 And I know a lot of our audience is trying to figure out the opposite sex.

00:04:31.680 You know, that seems to be the lifelong learning opportunity is how do men and women figure each

00:04:38.160 other out and what can we do to learn more about each other and how we communicate?

00:04:41.880 I agree.

00:04:42.360 I agree, and I think it stems just from understanding, trying to deeply understand your person and

00:04:48.260 yourself, too, and not just react to what they're saying, but actually think, what is

00:04:53.580 this person across from me saying?

00:04:55.200 How can I try to understand this in their brain?

00:04:59.540 Because we have two different brains.

00:05:00.940 It's completely different.

00:05:02.520 I don't process things the same way you do.

00:05:04.900 My husband doesn't process things the same way I do.

00:05:07.100 Like, it's just different, but it's our job to figure it out, crack our code, so to

00:05:11.880 speak.

00:05:12.240 And just like, it shouldn't be that difficult, but it is.

00:05:17.380 Oh my gosh.

00:05:18.220 Yeah, it really.

00:05:19.100 Well, so is there a line between trying to figure out and I'll just speak to it from a

00:05:25.060 man's perspective, because 98% of the people who listen to the podcast are men.

00:05:28.560 Is there a line for a man to try to figure out his woman versus I don't need to figure 0.98

00:05:35.600 her out and I'm just going to let it ride and just love her for her uniqueness?

00:05:41.340 That's a good question.

00:05:42.200 I think, yes, there is a line because at some point, a woman is a woman and she's a grown 0.71

00:05:48.680 woman.

00:05:49.100 She is also an adult.

00:05:50.420 She has to be able to regulate herself too and kind of be that safe space for her partner 1.00

00:05:56.480 also.

00:05:57.300 But I think, yeah, there is a line because we're adults and we have to have our own accountability

00:06:03.840 at some point.

00:06:05.040 So yes, there is a line, but at the same time, you're sitting across from this person, you

00:06:11.200 have to figure them out, meaning what triggers them?

00:06:15.380 How do they communicate with me properly?

00:06:17.440 How do they understand me better with my tone, with my delivery, with my leadership, so to

00:06:23.880 speak?

00:06:24.260 So it goes hand in hand, I think.

00:06:26.800 But I do think there's a line just because we're adults and we should be able to figure

00:06:31.900 ourselves out first and then it's easier to kind of understand the other person across

00:06:37.260 from us.

00:06:38.200 Yeah, I guess that makes sense.

00:06:39.960 One of the challenges that I often see is how often the opposite sex is demonized.

00:06:45.540 And that might just because of the, you know, our little devices, social media, trying to

00:06:50.880 pit each other against one another.

00:06:52.280 But you see it on both sides.

00:06:54.200 You see plenty of women talking about how men are the enemy and we don't need no men and 0.97

00:06:59.040 men are toxic and or they advocate for men being weak version of women, quite frankly.

00:07:06.260 But then you also see it on the other side where men are led to believe that, you know, 0.99

00:07:11.640 women are the enemy and they're just out to, you know, steal half your wealth or the one 1.00

00:07:18.280 that I hear all the time is she wasn't yours.

00:07:22.040 It's just your turn.

00:07:23.100 This kind of stuff that I think presents a false dichotomy that that isn't helping the

00:07:30.280 sexes communicate and relate with each other.

00:07:32.900 Yeah, I like to say that I don't think we should need each other.

00:07:38.400 We we balance each other out.

00:07:40.720 That's where this whole polarity comes in.

00:07:42.780 The strong masculine frame allows a soft feminine woman to come into play when he's just super 0.80

00:07:49.340 solid and confident in who he is as a man, too.

00:07:53.100 He's not as reactive.

00:07:54.460 He can stand under pressure.

00:07:56.760 I like the quote that Marcus Aurelius talks about the rock and the waves.

00:08:01.460 I'm not sure if you're familiar with that, but Marcus Aurelius, he it's an old philosopher

00:08:07.740 and he says the masculine is that rock.

00:08:10.960 OK, the women, the feminine are the waves. 1.00

00:08:13.920 So the rock doesn't fold.

00:08:15.960 The rock doesn't crumble.

00:08:17.140 The rock doesn't break ever.

00:08:18.500 It allows the waves to crash onto the rock and never break.

00:08:23.220 So it's in a sense, creating that space for the waves to kind of do its thing.

00:08:28.100 And it never crumbles, never folds.

00:08:30.340 So I like that's how my relationship is, too.

00:08:33.220 Like my husband's my rock and I can be a little chaotic at times.

00:08:36.940 I'm emotional.

00:08:37.840 Women are emotional beings and we're intuitive. 1.00

00:08:41.140 I think it's beautiful at times.

00:08:43.360 Sometimes it can be a little much if it's not regulated.

00:08:46.260 But he's so steady and so grounded.

00:08:49.220 So I think just having that balance is beautiful.

00:08:52.260 And when the polarity kind of starts to die, that's when the things like the conflict starts

00:08:57.740 to happen and the disconnect.

00:08:59.520 And people just fall fall out of love because they're not building all of the three things

00:09:05.080 that you want to talk about.

00:09:05.860 The compatibility, chemistry and connection.

00:09:07.660 Like all three matter.

00:09:09.040 There's not one that's better or one that's more important.

00:09:13.180 Like all three need tending to and work every every single day.

00:09:18.280 Yeah, I've heard I haven't heard that quote by Marcus Aurelius with the rock and the waves,

00:09:22.740 but I've heard something similar that men are the bowl or the container where women are the water.

00:09:28.280 So it's very similar, very similar.

00:09:31.360 It's steady.

00:09:32.020 The bowl is a steady foundation.

00:09:33.740 It's solid.

00:09:34.640 That's never going to change.

00:09:36.000 But the water is always flowing.

00:09:37.680 It's always moving in different different directions.

00:09:40.300 But it's up to the bowl to keep it kind of right there, you know.

00:09:44.360 So, OK, but let me ask you this, because if the bowl's job is to be solid, is to contain the water,

00:09:50.760 is to let the water move freely within those parameters, then.

00:09:53.580 And that that seems like a very active, assertive role, which makes sense.

00:09:58.260 It seems like a masculine role, whereas women are allowed to flow and freely move and and be emotional in these types of things. 1.00

00:10:06.420 But what responsibility does a woman have in relationships other than just move freely like water would? 1.00

00:10:12.680 Oh, you have to control it, though, too.

00:10:14.860 Like you can't just be gnarly.

00:10:17.320 You can't be aggressive.

00:10:18.180 You can't be super assertive and just expect your man to deal with it.

00:10:21.880 You still have to respect his leadership, his direction.

00:10:26.040 Like I hold I hold men to a higher standard, one, because they're more rational.

00:10:31.300 They tend to be less emotionally driven.

00:10:35.540 OK, they think with their logic.

00:10:37.420 Women think more with their emotions first. 1.00

00:10:39.460 So I think that respect is the big one, too.

00:10:44.340 There has to be some level of respect for your partner.

00:10:47.940 If there's no respect for your partner, then she's not going to keep it under control.

00:10:53.220 She's going to be overflowing that bull hardcore. 1.00

00:10:56.640 Yeah.

00:10:56.980 I actually watched one of your videos this morning in anticipation of our our discussion.

00:11:01.600 And you'd brought up a really good point because men will often complain.

00:11:05.820 My you know, my woman doesn't respect me. 1.00

00:11:07.900 And then I think in the video you had said, well, look at yourself in the mirror naked.

00:11:11.460 And ask yourself if you if you respect yourself.

00:11:15.880 And I think what you said, I even wrote it down here.

00:11:18.240 I thought I thought I wrote it down.

00:11:21.960 Maybe I didn't.

00:11:22.520 But I think what you said is respect starts with our.

00:11:26.660 So you said this respect is mirrored and it starts with ourselves.

00:11:30.860 So she's not going to respect you more than you respect yourself.

00:11:35.060 Of course.

00:11:36.060 Of course.

00:11:36.560 Self-respect is treating yourself with kindness.

00:11:39.840 It's protecting your body, your health, your boundaries, your values like that.

00:11:45.880 That is your own self-respect.

00:11:47.240 And someone has to match that energy with you if they're willing to at the same time.

00:11:53.620 But you kind of have to prove that she should be willing to by just honoring your word to yourself, never folding on your boundaries, never putting up with something just to put up with it or keep the peace.

00:12:03.640 Like, no, you don't do that.

00:12:06.140 You stay firm in your values, your morals, what you expect from her in the relationship.

00:12:12.060 And she kind of either matches that or or doesn't.

00:12:17.920 Well, I imagine, too, if she doesn't and you actually are being a respectable person and she doesn't, then you you need to, as the man, have some self-respect and see yourself out of that relationship.

00:12:31.160 Yeah, I tell I tell my clients and people I just talk to on a daily basis, like you kind of have to have a list of like non-negotiables, like what you're willing to put up with, what you're not willing to put up with, because we're not perfect.

00:12:45.900 Nobody's perfect for one another.

00:12:48.060 My husband, for example, said I had a list of what I expected from from a woman and I checked pretty much not all of them because I'm not perfect, but most of them.

00:12:58.900 So the the pro list needs to be bigger than the con list and the cons.

00:13:02.960 You kind of have to ask yourself, like, is this something I can work with or or not?

00:13:08.000 And if it's something you can work with, OK, you kind of kind of have to go down that route and see, see if it works.

00:13:12.680 But if it's not working, like red flags are there for a reason.

00:13:16.120 But if they're not that big or that dramatic, you kind of have to play and see if it's something you can deal with for the future.

00:13:24.060 And if not, then I.

00:13:27.300 Yeah. Yeah.

00:13:28.940 And and I think I've seen, you know, a lot of a lot of people talking about this, this idea of non-negotiables and what can I deal with?

00:13:37.260 But but the reality is, too, I don't think people change that often.

00:13:42.420 And what I've heard is that I think both men and women probably do this, where we fall in love with these idealized versions of our partner, where, you know, maybe just for the sake of argument, they hit 80 percent of that checklist.

00:13:56.920 But the minute you start being intimate and having shared memories together and being tied and tethered together in some ways, you start to create this idealized version of the future where they actually are going to be 100 percent on that list.

00:14:11.540 And they just probably won't.

00:14:14.520 I don't think.

00:14:15.240 Yeah, that's where I think the compatibility comes in.

00:14:18.620 I I believe that a lot of people that are married or in a partnership, they're not compatible, meaning you don't have shared values.

00:14:28.220 You don't have the same thoughts on money or family boundaries, how you even just live day to day.

00:14:35.760 Like, I I don't really think the connection that spark comes first.

00:14:40.460 I think connections built over time.

00:14:42.800 I think the compatibility probably comes first because that's that's how you live day to day.

00:14:48.160 And you can kind of ask your person or potential partner like can't or yourself ask yourself, can we build a life together without constant tension or constant work?

00:14:59.240 I don't believe that a partnership should be constant, just work.

00:15:04.220 It takes effort, but I think it should kind of flow easily and just nicely, you know?

00:15:11.920 Well, I'm glad that you said constant because the other side of the coin says that all love should just be easy and simple.

00:15:19.600 I think this is I think women generally, if I can be blunt on this, I think they get this idea more so than men, probably because of Disney fairy tales where, you know, they run off with the, you know, knight in shining armor or the prince who kisses them and they live happily ever after.

00:15:36.280 And then what I what I have experienced and what I've heard a lot of men experience is that if there's if there's any sort of tension, it's a red flag or it's a sign that this relationship is not going to work.

00:15:50.640 And I don't believe that to be the case either.

00:15:52.820 I don't either.

00:15:53.900 It's you have to work through that tension.

00:15:56.480 It's not just, oh, there's some tension, friction.

00:15:58.540 I'm out.

00:15:59.080 I'm gone.

00:15:59.580 I can't deal with this.

00:16:00.560 No, like there's always going to be something you have to work through, but it's how you work through it.

00:16:05.380 And it's owning your part of it, too, because we I believe also like our partners, our biggest our trigger, so to speak, because they're the person testing us and making us better and improving.

00:16:16.700 They should be doing that.

00:16:18.000 And that's going to it's going to test you along the way.

00:16:20.660 So I think just starting with making sure you guys are compatible first will save you a lot of headache and heartache along the way.

00:16:31.760 Yeah.

00:16:32.400 How often do you feel like compatibility is used as.

00:16:40.420 Let me say this.

00:16:42.200 How much can compatibility be worked on?

00:16:44.820 Is it something that a person or a couple should work on or is it something that at some of these red flag moments that it's just, hey, let's not do this.

00:16:54.180 We're not compatible.

00:16:54.980 It seems like sometimes it's used as a crutch or an excuse is what I'm saying.

00:16:59.160 Yeah.

00:16:59.660 I mean, say, for example, say a woman wants children and the man doesn't from the start, from the get go.

00:17:05.800 That's OK.

00:17:06.720 That's pretty clear.

00:17:08.020 It's not going to work, you know, or one that's super religious and one that's just not.

00:17:13.580 OK, cool.

00:17:15.040 Like, OK, but it might cause some friction in the future, especially if somebody is super like dead on about their religion and they expect their partner to kind of either mold to it or accept it or not.

00:17:27.500 So I think that I I don't really think you can really work on that because those are your core values.

00:17:35.160 Like that's who you are as a person and how you how you live day to day.

00:17:39.460 So that's where the questions come in.

00:17:41.280 Like, do our boundaries align?

00:17:43.340 Do our non-negotiables align?

00:17:44.940 Are we moving in the same direction, so to speak?

00:17:47.720 And if we're not, then then you're not.

00:17:50.240 I don't think you should try and fight that too much.

00:17:53.360 Yeah, I mean, it's just it's a recipe for disaster, right?

00:17:58.300 Whether it happens now or happens down the road, it's going to happen and it better happen now because if it happens down the road, there's financial ramifications.

00:18:05.260 There's actually children involved.

00:18:07.280 Yeah.

00:18:08.000 And I don't think you can out love incompatibility.

00:18:11.700 Like if you're incompatible, you're incompatible.

00:18:15.260 Like you can't communicate your way out of just opposing values and differences.

00:18:20.100 Like those are your values and your differences.

00:18:22.260 Like it's very difficult to kind of think like somebody else when you've been living and thinking a certain way for so long and it's it's conflicting.

00:18:31.520 So short answer, no, I don't think that it can be really worked through.

00:18:37.060 That's just my opinion and kind of how we live.

00:18:40.200 Yeah.

00:18:41.140 Well, that's one of the most frustrating things for so many men is and I'm sure women feel the same way because you can fall in love with somebody and actually truly be deeply in love with that person.

00:18:51.180 And there can be chemistry with that individual and it's still not work out.

00:18:55.800 I just wish that if if two people aren't compatible, I wish it was set up in a way where it's like, yeah, you're just not going to fall in love or you're not going to have chemistry.

00:19:06.020 But that's not what happens, unfortunately.

00:19:08.040 No, I kind of wish there was like a compatibility test for people to take before they got married or got together, decided to have kids because I think it would just save save people some some time and just their their life, you know.

00:19:23.080 But people get together for many different reasons that compatibility or connection might not really be that.

00:19:30.340 It might just be your remembering how this feels from childhood and whatever that is, if it's scary or sad or or happy or whatever, your body remembers that.

00:19:41.660 So you kind of attach yourself to these people from familiar feelings and habits from from your past.

00:19:48.660 So I it's it's conflicting.

00:19:52.260 It is conflicting.

00:19:54.280 Well, I know, too, that you that people will attach themselves to toxic individuals and toxic traits because they grew up in a toxic environment.

00:20:06.720 And so the the discomfort of being in something familiar is easier than the discomfort of uncertainty.

00:20:15.980 And this is why I have this theory about why women, for example, will stay in abusive relationships, because at least it's the it's as the phrase go, the danger, you know, rather than the uncertainty of what might happen if you're not there.

00:20:30.440 It's familiar, it's familiar, your your body naturally gravitates towards what's familiar, whether it's positive or negative, like if you grew up with an unstable home or constant nagging, fighting ups and downs, you're going to seek that in in a partner unintentionally.

00:20:50.560 That's just what your body's familiar with.

00:20:52.660 So anything outside of that is unfamiliar.

00:20:55.340 And we don't like the unfamiliar because we don't know what that's going to feel like.

00:21:00.440 When so compatibility just seems like it's it's either there or it's not.

00:21:06.020 And there's not a lot that you can do.

00:21:08.700 I imagine chemistry is more heavily weighted on just biology, what you're attracted to and what you're not, although I'm sure some of it can be created.

00:21:19.200 Sorry, what was that?

00:21:20.900 I said, although I'm sure some of that chemistry can be created or manufactured or magnified, maybe just based on the way.

00:21:27.660 Yeah. And I think it comes with time to have just learning about the person that you're with, too.

00:21:33.220 Like chemistry is that polarity, that attraction, the desire, the playfulness that you guys have together, that it's like a magnet.

00:21:43.400 OK, like negative and positive energies, they they attract.

00:21:47.620 It's like the masculine energy and feminine energy they attract.

00:21:50.460 But chemistry alone can be a little dangerous, too, because chemistry without compatibility creates sometimes like a trauma bond or an obsession with this person.

00:22:02.200 And again, the on again, off again dynamic.

00:22:05.040 So, again, you can't have one without all three.

00:22:08.220 The chemistry without compatibility and then compatibility without connection and vice versa.

00:22:13.660 All these things, they all need to be worked on as you're growing as a couple, too.

00:22:18.120 And I think a lot of people confuse and this is what we kind of just talked about, that when your nervous system gets activated like that with those familiar feelings, they confuse that with chemistry.

00:22:30.900 And that's not really chemistry.

00:22:32.460 That's kind of your unresolved trauma that you might be dealing with.

00:22:36.800 How do you how do you differentiate, though, between, hey, I have this real chemistry with this person versus, you know, thoughts I've even had.

00:22:46.480 And I know a lot of men have as well as the feeling of I just don't want to be alone or I'm afraid of losing somebody more than I have connection with this person.

00:22:56.320 Well, that feels real.

00:22:58.000 Yeah.

00:22:58.500 Like I'm afraid of losing this person.

00:23:00.440 Like one, I believe that we should be totally OK being alone and being OK with ourselves.

00:23:06.420 So, again, you shouldn't need somebody to fill a void.

00:23:10.240 I think real chemistry, it's it's it feels grounded.

00:23:14.200 It feels safe.

00:23:15.360 It feels peaceful.

00:23:16.600 It's not dysregulated.

00:23:18.400 It's not it's not the crazy high emotions and the crazy low emotions like that.

00:23:24.860 You shouldn't have too many lows.

00:23:26.220 You should just have a lot of highs and the lows should be so small and you work through them.

00:23:32.240 And it's easy to work through them by just communicating and taking some accountability for our actions.

00:23:37.860 It should feel peaceful.

00:23:40.060 I really I'm a huge fan of the word peace when it comes to relationships.

00:23:44.660 I think that's such a big part.

00:23:46.640 I would probably say for men, peace and respect are the two that come to mind.

00:23:53.620 And then I think for women, tell me if I'm wrong, is probably safety and the freedom to express yourself.

00:24:03.600 Maybe is what I would say.

00:24:04.860 I don't know if there's something.

00:24:06.460 Exactly.

00:24:06.660 Like Pete for a man, peace, once you have that, you're never going to let it go.

00:24:13.840 But some guys don't even know what peace feels like because they've never had a stable relationship from their mother or their father or any relationships growing up.

00:24:22.960 And then their wives, the people that they choose.

00:24:25.280 So, yeah, peace and respect.

00:24:27.480 I agree with you.

00:24:28.420 Hands down, 100 percent for a man. 0.99

00:24:30.940 I don't care how hot you are, how crazy you are in bed, whatever.

00:24:34.880 Like, no, peace and respect matter more.

00:24:37.760 And women, yeah, safety and like emotional safety and physical safety, too, obviously, of course.

00:24:43.700 But that emotional safety, like just being that container for her to let it out and grow in that container, too.

00:24:51.480 Like I'm going to give an example of just my husband and I like when I grew up in a very unstable environment, just emotionally.

00:25:00.640 I had a mom that was very she kept everything in and a dad that was very reactive.

00:25:06.380 So I grew up like I'm not going to talk too much because if I talk, I either get yelled at or someone explodes.

00:25:14.520 It's always walking on eggshells.

00:25:16.200 So I learned from a very young age to just keep it in no matter what, because if you say something out loud, you're you're wrong, so to speak.

00:25:23.800 So my husband knew that and he had to kind of like force me and sit me down and get me to speak and just so I could actually get it out.

00:25:34.040 And he would prove to me that he wouldn't explode.

00:25:37.240 He wouldn't yell.

00:25:37.960 He wouldn't use it against me.

00:25:39.780 And it took time to to learn how to do that.

00:25:42.640 So it it's it was interesting in the beginning of our relationship because I was scared to just voice my my opinions to to anybody.

00:25:51.620 But he proved to me like, no, I can be the space for her.

00:25:55.840 So now I just I unload all the time.

00:25:58.820 But it's amazing.

00:25:59.600 And he's like, why?

00:26:00.260 I wish I wouldn't have taught you to do this.

00:26:02.480 Exactly.

00:26:03.100 He's like, gosh, wow.

00:26:04.300 But no, he'd rather have that because he would see me literally like shake and get anxious.

00:26:09.380 Like I desperately wanted to get this out, but I was just scared of what he was going to say or how he was going to react.

00:26:17.120 But, yeah, he he did a good job at just being patient with me and trusting himself and trusting me like, no, we can work through this together.

00:26:26.780 But he never he never used it against me.

00:26:30.040 He never like, Lauren, why aren't you what's wrong with you?

00:26:32.840 Oh, my gosh.

00:26:33.240 Again, you're getting too emotional.

00:26:34.760 Like, never.

00:26:35.960 Because why?

00:26:37.160 That would just make it make it worse.

00:26:40.320 Yeah.

00:26:40.820 Well, I'm glad you're talking about this because there there are phrases like you need to create, you know, space or create this container or create the margin.

00:26:48.540 And we as men, we don't know what that means.

00:26:51.880 Like, I have no idea.

00:26:53.060 Like, I just need the space to be able to express myself.

00:26:56.180 What the hell does that even mean?

00:26:58.100 And so I'm glad because this is what you're talking about now.

00:27:00.680 Exactly.

00:27:01.460 Exactly.

00:27:01.860 It's, I guess, holding that that space, like just being that rock, being that that man to lean into and to go to for for anything.

00:27:12.320 And how you do that is just being not reactive, calm, present, regulated, and understanding again.

00:27:23.320 And not, we joke about this a lot because you guys are very good with coming up with solutions to problems.

00:27:31.300 You see a problem, here's the solution.

00:27:33.340 Let me take it from you.

00:27:34.580 But women, no, like we see problem solution, but we want to like go through all of this mess before we even want to hear the solution. 1.00

00:27:43.360 So sometimes, even if you see us flustered or frustrated and you can see us getting like a little overly emotional, just let it, let us talk, let us get it out.

00:27:54.960 In the back of your head, you're thinking like, okay, here we go again, like whatever.

00:27:59.360 But just getting her to just talk and sitting there and understanding her and then coming in with the solution very slightly at the end.

00:28:08.440 So she doesn't feel like she's being attacked or, or, um, I don't know. 1.00

00:28:13.680 It's like you're an idiot or something. 1.00

00:28:15.640 Exactly. 1.00

00:28:15.820 Just that little pause, little pause before you react helps.

00:28:22.480 Yeah.

00:28:22.940 It seems to me, generally speaking, that women are, well, I mean, we know this to be true, that women are more relational in their problem solving, right?

00:28:29.780 So they'll enlist ideas of other women and other people, and they'll consider very abstract factors that probably don't play much of a part in the solution to the thing. 1.00

00:28:40.520 And, and it takes a while and they start to loop where as men are more linear and the advantages of that is that we get to solutions quickly.

00:28:49.740 And, uh, we, we, we, you know, we solve problems.

00:28:54.480 The downside I think for men is that sometimes we end up leaving a wake of collateral damage in our path because we're not as relational.

00:29:01.420 So I don't care if somebody gets in my way, that's where I need to go.

00:29:05.120 And I'm going linear to that place, regardless of what's in front of me.

00:29:09.700 Yeah, I agree.

00:29:11.560 And you can still have that.

00:29:12.660 You can still be like that.

00:29:14.740 But just taking that couple, like, extra minutes of pausing before just so she can feel heard and understood, it goes a long way.

00:29:24.320 And then, again, you're never going to not give a solution.

00:29:27.180 You're never going to not find the answer.

00:29:29.920 You're still going that direction.

00:29:31.760 You're just now with this person who doesn't think like that and doesn't operate like that.

00:29:36.100 And it goes both ways, too.

00:29:37.840 Like, as women, you have to understand that men are like that.

00:29:41.640 So you can't expect them just to sit there and, oh, tell me about your feelings.

00:29:46.100 Like, how'd that make you feel?

00:29:47.860 Like, it's different, you know?

00:29:50.360 But it's, again, I think just causing or creating that little space for her just to feel a little bit heard and emotionally safe.

00:29:59.760 And we use that word all the time.

00:30:01.160 I just want to feel safe.

00:30:03.000 But it's true.

00:30:04.380 Safe means heard.

00:30:05.560 Safe means understood.

00:30:06.660 And just listen to and just they feel appreciated in the moment.

00:30:11.100 And then, okay, come in with your solution and we're good.

00:30:13.960 You understood me.

00:30:14.680 Thank you.

00:30:15.040 Man, just to break away from the conversation very quickly, I know we're talking about the dynamics between men and women.

00:30:22.540 But we don't often talk about the dynamics between men and men.

00:30:26.860 And I don't think that most men fail because they lack intelligence or insight or ambition or talent.

00:30:32.720 I think that they fail because they're trying to do life alone.

00:30:36.540 And to a nod to this conversation, they think that maybe having a woman in their life is the answer to all their prayers.

00:30:43.960 And I don't think that's the case.

00:30:45.680 And that's why we created the Iron Council.

00:30:48.080 In 2026, the gap between drifting men and deliberate men, it's only going to widen.

00:30:55.380 And the Iron Council is where men draw that line in the sand.

00:30:59.540 It's a brotherhood built around mastery and discipline and ownership.

00:31:03.360 And it's not motivation, it's not hype, it's not rah-rah, it's not cheerleading for each other.

00:31:09.120 It's a framework for men who are just done, just done negotiating with being mediocre. 0.53

00:31:17.020 And they want to live their best life possible.

00:31:19.940 Now, when you join the Iron Council, you get access to the battle-tested systems, you get direct mentorship,

00:31:25.460 and you get a community of men who are going to hold you to a higher standard.

00:31:30.180 There's a bunch of other places that are coming up with this program, and that program, this brotherhood, and that thing.

00:31:35.280 This is where it all started, right here.

00:31:37.380 One of the very first, if not the first, exclusive men's brotherhoods.

00:31:43.440 And all the rest are playing catch-up.

00:31:45.240 So if you want to go to the source, you want to get the information,

00:31:47.560 and you want to band with an organization that knows what it takes to be successful,

00:31:51.720 and how to put you around good, high-quality men who will not let you fail,

00:31:57.060 then join the Iron Council.

00:31:58.100 Head to orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.

00:32:01.140 That's orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.

00:32:04.440 Do that right after the show.

00:32:06.020 For now, let's get back to with Lauren.

00:32:09.300 Well, you know, I also like what you just said, too, is that women need to understand that's how men are

00:32:14.420 because I think I watched a video that you had done a couple of days ago about, you know,

00:32:20.500 men being protectors or, you know, find a man who's out in the workforce who's working hard.

00:32:26.320 It's going to be hard at times.

00:32:27.700 But the messaging, the common messaging is, men, you need to remember women behave this way, 1.00

00:32:33.860 so you need to be overly accommodating towards that, which within reason, yes.

00:32:39.000 But the message you don't ever hear is that women, your men think like this,

00:32:44.160 and you at times need to be accommodating and understanding that he doesn't hate you.

00:32:48.760 He doesn't think less of you. 0.97

00:32:49.900 He just wants to get shit done. 0.94

00:32:51.200 But that's not messaging you typically hear. 0.99

00:32:53.760 It only goes one way too often.

00:32:56.020 It does.

00:32:57.280 It does.

00:32:57.940 I agree.

00:32:58.660 And I think, too, this kind of correlates, like, if you get into an argument or disagreement,

00:33:04.620 and correct me if I'm wrong, but I want to kind of fix it in the moment right away,

00:33:11.380 especially if the emotions are heightened.

00:33:13.940 And I can notice, like, my husband or any man is a little dysregulated at the moment,

00:33:20.500 and they need to calm down.

00:33:21.700 So they need to take a few minutes or an hour or two to go and cool off and calm down and

00:33:27.280 then come back so they can think clearly and be more grounded.

00:33:31.020 And women like me, for example, too, were like, oh, no, like, I took it too far. 1.00

00:33:36.620 I want to fix it right now.

00:33:37.640 But he's already upset.

00:33:39.240 He's already triggered.

00:33:40.080 Like, I can't keep adding to it.

00:33:42.020 But take a step back, recognize that he needs to breathe and calm down, and he'll come back

00:33:47.080 and be grounded.

00:33:48.760 And you'll be able to hash it out and figure it out together.

00:33:52.840 I agree that that happens.

00:33:55.280 I don't know if that's overly gender-based, though, because I tend to be, at least personally,

00:34:02.340 I tend to be more like you're saying, where, OK, hold on.

00:34:05.960 This is going off the rails, or it did go off the rails.

00:34:08.620 Let's fix the problem right now.

00:34:10.300 Let's address it.

00:34:11.200 So I tend to be more that.

00:34:13.020 But so I don't know if that's gender-based or personality-based.

00:34:17.060 I'm not sure, actually.

00:34:18.300 Maybe if it gets to a point where it's too much, like there's arguing, there's yelling,

00:34:24.160 screaming, everybody's unregulated.

00:34:27.880 I think, OK, let's take a break, an hour, a few minutes, let's come back, talk about

00:34:34.440 it when the emotions are down.

00:34:37.060 Because, I mean, for my example, I mean, my husband, if we get, which we never do, like,

00:34:42.980 but if we do get into a heated argument, I know that I can't keep, I know myself, and

00:34:49.480 I know if I keep poking and keep adding to it, that's not going to do any good.

00:34:54.220 So that's where I come in.

00:34:55.560 And I have to recognize that this is not helping.

00:34:58.100 We either say a code word or something, like, not now, or we're not doing this today.

00:35:03.700 And then we'll come back and we'll talk and we'll figure it out.

00:35:06.220 I guess it's how you, the end game, right?

00:35:09.980 Like how you actually end up figuring it out together, just with communicating and not just

00:35:14.880 brushing it under the rug and letting it build for the next argument.

00:35:19.640 Yeah, I wonder if it has more to do with attachment styles.

00:35:24.260 You know, maybe somebody who's more anxious is more likely to want to get into the solution,

00:35:29.540 solve it, fix it as quickly as possible.

00:35:31.400 And somebody who tends to lean more towards avoidant is probably that, hey, let's, let's

00:35:37.200 stop.

00:35:37.600 Let's take a break.

00:35:38.260 Let's come back later.

00:35:39.160 I don't want to deal with this right now.

00:35:41.120 And I think both can be right.

00:35:42.720 And that can kind of do a little damage too, sometimes to the anxious person, because the

00:35:46.340 anxious person will think, oh my gosh, you're leaving me.

00:35:48.520 You're abandoning me.

00:35:49.420 I can't handle that.

00:35:50.500 But they're not doing that.

00:35:52.220 That's just how they regulate themselves.

00:35:54.380 So again, like you have to figure this out early on, like how you guys figure out arguments,

00:36:00.920 how you come to terms with a difference in opinion, like it's, it needs to be dealt with

00:36:07.020 early on.

00:36:08.020 So I think the relationships that start just in, we all have that honeymoon phase and that

00:36:13.160 kind of stays in that honeymoon phase for a very long time and, or years, for example.

00:36:19.020 And then an argument happens and you guys don't know how to deal with it together because

00:36:22.560 you never have, but now you're this deep into it.

00:36:24.760 And it's like, what do we do now?

00:36:25.940 I hear you saying that men should just pick fights to figure out if they're compatible 1.00

00:36:30.460 with their woman or not.

00:36:32.160 Don't do that.

00:36:33.240 That's not a good way to do it.

00:36:34.800 Not a good way to do it.

00:36:36.100 Not a good way.

00:36:36.640 But you're kind of like, you're cracking her code and he's cracking your code too.

00:36:41.520 Like what triggers her?

00:36:43.200 What makes her feel better?

00:36:45.080 What tone of voice makes her calm or more aggressive, but vice versa.

00:36:49.300 Like it's not just, just the guys, like it's women too.

00:36:54.240 Like it takes two to tango, but I think men kind of set the tone of the relationship, whether

00:37:00.920 it's positive or negative.

00:37:03.080 Like if a, for example, a weaker or passive male comes into play, you're not necessarily

00:37:11.300 going to attract a soft, nurturing, feminine woman.

00:37:16.560 You might attract a masculine, intense, independent woman.

00:37:21.260 I always say polarity will find its way regardless.

00:37:23.940 Like no matter what, it's always going to find its way.

00:37:28.160 Do you think that the greater instances of this happening are that men are overly feminine

00:37:40.220 and soft and weak, or is it that women are increasingly masculine, direct, uh, straightforward? 0.99

00:37:50.160 Like it seems like both are happening at the same time.

00:37:52.420 I was going to say both.

00:37:53.220 It's both.

00:37:54.040 Like we are, we're in an era right now where it's like you mentioned earlier, that boss,

00:37:59.120 babe, independent, I don't need no man.

00:38:02.800 Good luck with that. 0.98

00:38:03.960 Good luck when you're 45 and alone with your cats and it's, and you're miserable, you know,

00:38:10.400 like you, there's nothing wrong with having a career and being independent.

00:38:14.620 Like I have my career, so to speak, my passion, it's, it's this, and it's just helping people.

00:38:21.080 And I started as a personal trainer and then coach and everything.

00:38:24.320 So it's, it's both, but I know how to turn it off when I need to turn it off.

00:38:29.220 And, but my husband actually knows if I need to turn it off and I haven't because I'm just

00:38:34.020 in the zone or whatever, he can see me getting upset.

00:38:37.080 He can see me getting flustered and just stressed a little bit.

00:38:40.400 So he'll come in and he'll take that away.

00:38:42.080 But like, okay, we're done.

00:38:43.600 Let's go.

00:38:44.320 We live across from the beach.

00:38:45.360 Like, let's go watch the sunset.

00:38:46.840 Let's go take a breather.

00:38:48.100 Like he knows how to take me out of that when I, I can't.

00:38:52.720 It seems like there is a, a growing sentiment among women who really do want to be feminine.

00:39:02.440 They, they do want to step into their femininity and they don't believe they can, but also they 0.99

00:39:09.800 won't, I shouldn't talk about it.

00:39:12.600 Like it's exclusively true, but it seems like many of them will not relinquish their masculinity.

00:39:19.200 Like they just won't.

00:39:20.720 And the common phrase is, well, I can't because there's no good, strong men.

00:39:25.020 Somebody's got to give first.

00:39:26.300 And I don't know who it is.

00:39:27.660 Maybe it's both at the same time.

00:39:29.740 But if, if women can't drop that there, not only are they not going to find masculine men, 0.69

00:39:37.960 masculine men aren't going to be attracted to that because they don't want to compete. 0.97

00:39:41.260 I want to compete with men.

00:39:42.460 I don't want to compete with the woman in my life. 1.00

00:39:44.840 Mm-hmm.

00:39:45.820 So she needs, you need to know how to turn it off when you get, get home.

00:39:49.120 But you, I think it also stems from just believing that you deserve it too.

00:39:54.380 Some people don't believe that they actually deserve happiness or peace or love.

00:39:58.960 So they put on that armor.

00:40:00.400 Like I'm, I'm tough, I'm strong.

00:40:02.420 I can do it.

00:40:03.020 I can handle it myself.

00:40:04.180 And for how long, like, how long are you, are you going to put up with that?

00:40:08.780 But I think just accepting where you're at and what got you to, to, to the state, okay,

00:40:16.380 let's figure it out.

00:40:17.360 How can I be better?

00:40:18.340 How can I be softer?

00:40:20.020 And it starts with, with us as people, as individuals.

00:40:23.920 So you need to do more feminine things. 1.00

00:40:26.600 These boss babes, independent women, CEOs, business owners, like they have a very hard time 1.00

00:40:33.380 calming this down and doing things that require that to calm down.

00:40:38.380 Like going and getting in a massage or going and getting your nails done,

00:40:41.560 going to a yoga class, like to kind of center, center yourself.

00:40:45.580 These women, they're just go, go, go, go, go all the time. 1.00

00:40:48.540 And then they come home and their husbands are on the couch and not doing anything.

00:40:52.740 They're not putting any much effort.

00:40:54.680 I'm like, okay, well, you picked that person.

00:40:56.760 Now you're left to, to deal with it and work through it.

00:41:00.100 It was your choice.

00:41:01.160 I, you know, maybe we ought to look at this from two ways.

00:41:05.620 Number one is how to, how can a man help a woman ease into that feminine nature? 0.98

00:41:12.260 And then conversely, how can a woman help her man move into that masculine nature? 0.75

00:41:20.720 Well, first, I mean, I believe men think back to like the Viking days, right?

00:41:27.020 Like they were out fighting, they were providing,

00:41:30.320 they were getting food.

00:41:32.480 It was, it was hard work.

00:41:34.180 Like, so they need to, they need to go like, get in shape, go to the gym, get healthy,

00:41:43.740 go do some manly things.

00:41:45.520 Like I stopped playing your video games.

00:41:47.920 Like have a fun for, if you need to, if that helps you detach a little bit, like play your,

00:41:53.120 play your video game.

00:41:53.940 But that, that weakness comes from somewhere.

00:41:58.800 And it usually, maybe you were raised by just your mom or you had a bunch of sisters and your dad

00:42:05.180 wasn't super present or he wasn't super strong.

00:42:07.980 So it's, I guess it's learned from just relationships we saw growing up.

00:42:12.440 But again, like recognize that that's not an excuse.

00:42:18.500 Also, you can, you have the choice to become whoever you want to become.

00:42:21.960 And I think you have to become that person that will attract a soft masculine woman and

00:42:28.420 woman become that woman who will attract a strong masculine man. 1.00

00:42:33.140 Cause like you said, two masculine energies there, it's not going to work.

00:42:36.360 One, the man's not going to want to put up with it at all.

00:42:39.500 And eventually the woman isn't going to want to put up with someone that she has to mother 1.00

00:42:44.780 or baby or constantly be wondering, like, does he got it or, or not?

00:42:49.460 Like she has to be able to trust him too.

00:42:52.100 Yeah.

00:42:52.940 Yeah.

00:42:53.640 I often talk with guys about doing, doing the little things they committed to doing.

00:42:57.920 Cause it seems like most men will, will do the big things, right?

00:43:02.560 So they'll, they'll make the mortgage payment that most men will figure out how to make 0.74

00:43:05.940 the mortgage payment and put the roof over the head and the food on the table.

00:43:08.980 But they might constantly forget to bring diapers home from the grocery store on the

00:43:16.200 way to work when their wife asked them to, or, um, their wife asked them to take out the

00:43:21.820 trash and he says, well, I'll do it tonight, but he doesn't do it tonight.

00:43:24.540 And she's left doing it in the morning. 0.98

00:43:26.460 Cause now it stinks in there.

00:43:28.180 Uh, or to go on that.

00:43:30.880 Yeah, absolutely.

00:43:31.540 I, um, I made a video a long time about it because for example, my husband, I call him

00:43:36.880 a caveman sometimes cause he is just a caveman.

00:43:39.940 Like he, I'm, I'm pretty organized.

00:43:42.740 I like things in order.

00:43:44.160 I liked the dishes a certain way.

00:43:46.500 I like making my bed every day.

00:43:48.140 Like, so that's me, but that's not him.

00:43:50.980 He's not thinking of that at all.

00:43:53.680 Like that's not even on his radar.

00:43:55.320 If I ask him, Hey honey, like, can you help me out with the dishes?

00:43:58.740 He will do it, but I'm not expecting him to do it.

00:44:02.040 And for example, the clothes on the floor, like he'll leave them on the floor.

00:44:05.820 I pick them up because why nag it? 1.00

00:44:08.680 Like big deal.

00:44:10.180 The hampers there are cool.

00:44:11.600 Like, okay, I can easily just pick it up and put it in there.

00:44:14.600 Cause again, he's literally not thinking of the dishes, the trash, the clothes, the laundry,

00:44:20.760 the bed being made.

00:44:21.620 He's thinking about supporting us, the rent, the mortgage, the bills, the everything else,

00:44:28.780 the business.

00:44:29.300 Like, so he's got too much going on in here.

00:44:32.340 So that's where I come in and I just do it.

00:44:34.560 I deal with it because I deal with it anyway.

00:44:37.280 And I don't mind dealing with it.

00:44:38.720 I'm not going to cause a, a fight just because, Oh, you didn't take the trash out.

00:44:43.440 Like big deal.

00:44:45.060 Like think for a second, what's going through his brain, please.

00:44:48.620 Sure.

00:44:49.460 Yeah.

00:44:49.740 And I, and I, well, number one, I appreciate you saying that because it's not like he's

00:44:54.080 out to get you, you know?

00:44:55.420 And I, I think, and I, and I don't think women are generally out to get men either.

00:44:59.800 We do things not because it's devious in nature.

00:45:03.080 It's just the nature of who we are.

00:45:05.300 It's, we're not thinking about that.

00:45:06.720 I was more referring to the things that you commit to say you're doing though.

00:45:10.020 Like if you say you're going to do something, you know, follow through on that.

00:45:13.880 Because if you don't, even if it's little and you do that enough, every time you,

00:45:17.480 you miss something you said you would do, that's a little, a little cut in the relationship.

00:45:24.240 That's a little undermining of your trust and your credibility.

00:45:26.900 And that stuff starts to add up over months and years.

00:45:30.520 It becomes a real problem for a lot of guys.

00:45:32.440 And I think it kills attraction.

00:45:34.060 Yeah.

00:45:34.500 You need consistency, consistency, and just honoring your word to yourself and your partner,

00:45:39.720 what you're going to, how you're going to show up as a person for them as well.

00:45:43.400 I agree.

00:45:45.500 Well, and you also mentioned, you know, go to the gym, be presentable, look nice.

00:45:51.260 It's amazing to me how often society at large will downplay the importance of physical attraction in your partner.

00:46:01.000 I don't understand why we do that as if it's virtuous to be attracted to something other than physical.

00:46:07.420 And there, there are other elements, but we're fooling ourselves if we're saying that looks aren't important.

00:46:13.120 Of course they are.

00:46:14.320 Why do we do that?

00:46:15.780 They're very important.

00:46:16.860 And love is just not enough.

00:46:19.240 Oh, they just love me.

00:46:20.580 No, it's not.

00:46:21.740 The physical attraction matters so much because it's not just nice to look at.

00:46:26.800 That shows you, you are disciplined.

00:46:29.760 You have self-respect.

00:46:31.200 You have love for yourself and what, why is it bad to be healthy and look good and want to look good for your partner too?

00:46:40.720 I don't know if you saw my transformation, but I used to be almost 300 pounds and I lost 140 pounds.

00:46:48.740 Thank you.

00:46:48.900 And I, that girl, she wasn't confident.

00:46:52.960 She wasn't happy.

00:46:54.100 She wasn't seeking love or someone to, to love her because she didn't believe that she even deserved it.

00:47:01.800 But now it's like, no, this feels good.

00:47:05.000 And you, you attract better things into your life too.

00:47:07.920 People look at you differently.

00:47:09.100 They respect you a little bit more and your partner appreciates it too because you want other people to admire your person.

00:47:17.200 There's nothing wrong with that.

00:47:18.500 That is a beautiful thing.

00:47:20.080 That's like, yes, that's my, that's my woman or that's my man.

00:47:23.400 Aren't they so good looking?

00:47:24.940 Aren't they so in shape?

00:47:25.820 Look how handsome they are.

00:47:27.360 Look how beautiful she is.

00:47:28.700 Like that's, it's like a flex, so to speak.

00:47:32.800 Yeah.

00:47:33.240 Because that person is choosing to be with you.

00:47:35.420 They're this attractive person and they're choosing to be with you.

00:47:38.660 So not only is it a compliment to them, it's a, it's, it's, you're, you're proud because you're like, yeah, I have this person who's really, really attractive in multiple ways.

00:47:47.680 And they're choosing to be with me.

00:47:49.180 What a cool thing.

00:47:50.780 I agree.

00:47:51.180 And it's helps in the bedroom too.

00:47:53.460 You guys look good.

00:47:54.500 You feel good.

00:47:55.160 And there we go.

00:47:56.340 Win, win for everybody.

00:47:57.880 Right.

00:47:58.360 Yeah.

00:47:59.500 When it comes to, so we've talked a little bit about compatibility and, and you said, and I, and I think you're absolutely right.

00:48:05.800 There should be some sort of compatibility survey or something that you give to a person that you're dating.

00:48:11.200 You're like, fill out these 10 questions.

00:48:12.960 I'll fill it out for you.

00:48:14.500 If we're, you know, 70, 80%, we'll go on a date.

00:48:17.300 If we're below 60, we're not even going to go on a date.

00:48:19.500 Cause this is just not going to work.

00:48:21.080 Let's not waste each other time.

00:48:22.160 Maybe I'll start that.

00:48:23.040 I'll make an app.

00:48:23.500 You should.

00:48:24.600 You definitely should.

00:48:25.740 But there, but you know, there, there may not be something formal, but I think having these conversations helps people understand that there, there's some compatibility issues that should be brought up.

00:48:36.300 There's a, a, a dating coach, David Meason, that is a friend of mine.

00:48:41.300 And, and contrary to popular opinion, he also, he often suggests on first dates that if it's important to you, whether it's politics or religion or some of these very polarizing subjects, then you ought to actually bring it up.

00:48:56.460 Bring it up.

00:48:57.360 Because, and most people, conventional wisdom says, Oh, don't do that because then it'll create problems.

00:49:02.820 He's like, no, you, you want to know if that's a problem immediately.

00:49:06.200 And I, yeah, it'll create problems in the future.

00:49:09.800 It just will.

00:49:10.920 Okay.

00:49:11.380 It just will.

00:49:12.200 And I think, um, that's where like your guys' connection come, come into play.

00:49:17.700 That connection, in my opinion, some people think it's in the beginning, like, Oh, we had this great connection.

00:49:24.060 Sure.

00:49:24.660 Like there was a spark there, but connection I think is built over time.

00:49:28.100 I think that is more of a, like the emotional intimacy.

00:49:32.500 It's the trust that you guys have between each other, how safe one another make, how you guys make each other feel, um, how vulnerable you can be with one another and just feeling, feeling seen.

00:49:45.760 And I think it's built over time just through consistency and honesty and how you guys, um, repair conflict, um, and just having a level of emotional maturity too.

00:49:57.860 And I don't think the connection is honestly instant right away.

00:50:01.620 That spark is more of just a spark, like, Oh, like an attraction or this person it's easy to talk to.

00:50:08.840 Sure.

00:50:09.120 But that connection is, is more emotional.

00:50:12.460 How you guys work on things together, what you do with each other.

00:50:17.460 If you go on trips, if you talk, communicate, build this, this love with each other.

00:50:22.380 So I think connection kind of comes last, but again, all three, they need constant work, not constant, take it back, take it back.

00:50:29.640 They, it just needs attending to all three of them all of the time.

00:50:34.500 So, so would you say then if connection is longer, that chemistry is something that, I mean, look, we can all go on a date and be really excited about a person, the way they look or the way they communicate or something they say that just drives us wild in a positive way.

00:50:48.760 And that can happen without love.

00:50:51.280 That can happen without connection.

00:50:52.880 That can happen without compatibility.

00:50:54.360 Is that what you're saying?

00:50:55.320 That's the chemistry.

00:50:56.740 Yeah.

00:50:57.240 And I think kind of like this, um, connection or sorry, compatibility is the base, like the foundation of it all chemistry is that spark.

00:51:06.760 But connection is the glue that kind of keeps everything together.

00:51:11.240 Um, again, you can't have, if you lose the compatibility, okay.

00:51:15.640 The relationship kind of starts to lose its spark and lose that it gets a little exhausting.

00:51:20.560 And if you lose the chemistry, then you can kind of start slipping into the roommate phase a little bit.

00:51:26.260 It becomes a little platonic.

00:51:27.460 And if you lose the connection, then it's just, what are we doing?

00:51:31.720 Like, then it's a little cold or, um, transactional a little bit.

00:51:35.640 So again, like you lose one, good luck.

00:51:40.140 Like you have to make sure all three are being worked on every, every year you guys are getting closer and stronger together.

00:51:47.680 Cause love isn't just enough.

00:51:49.240 Chemistry isn't enough.

00:51:50.680 Connection isn't enough.

00:51:52.180 Healthy relationships, they require all three.

00:51:55.400 And just aligned values are, are a big one to start.

00:51:58.700 So I think starting there, at least getting that off your chest, talking about the politics, the religion, the kids, the whatever, like talk about it.

00:52:06.960 So, you know, and if you guys agree, beautiful, let's move on to the next phase.

00:52:11.200 If not, don't try save yourself.

00:52:14.760 I think a lot of the times it comes from a place of scarcity.

00:52:20.040 And I'm talking mostly about men who might be dating or not yet in long-term committed relationships where if there isn't an abundance of optionality for a man or a woman, then they're going to suffer more for a relationship that might just not work.

00:52:38.540 Because what other option do they have?

00:52:41.660 Yep.

00:52:42.360 That's, I think it's, you have to work on yourself for a good amount of time before you start inviting people into your life.

00:52:52.700 So, you know, what you want, you know, oh, okay, this was a red flag in the past.

00:52:58.680 I'm seeing it here now.

00:52:59.840 And you have a deeper understanding of how to not move forward with that.

00:53:04.140 I think being so solid in who you are as a person matters more than trying to make a relationship work or a marriage work.

00:53:12.580 Like you have to go inward first.

00:53:14.780 And how did I get here?

00:53:16.840 Okay, let's figure it out.

00:53:18.200 What do I want for the future?

00:53:19.480 Like it starts, it starts with us.

00:53:24.080 So for those guys who are in long-term committed relationships, marriages, et cetera, when you start to see that roommate phase or even guys just falling out of the honeymoon phase with, with the woman in their life, where, where should he start?

00:53:39.980 Because I think most men, well, I mean, you even know this, the statistics and data back it up that, you know, divorces are more often initiated by women, which just leads me to believe that men, because of the numbers, would rather stay in the relationship and try to figure it out, I think. 0.53

00:54:00.560 So where does a guy, where does he start if he starts to see some of these problems in his marriage?

00:54:05.340 Going to some type of therapy for a little bit, just to have somebody look at it from a bird's eye view and kind of give him some understanding maybe about the situation and where he might have lost himself along the way.

00:54:23.460 Regardless of the statistics and the data, like that's not a reason just to stay and deal with it.

00:54:30.860 Like if you're not happy, do something about it.

00:54:35.200 Like go and talk to someone, read a book, listen to a podcast, hire a coach, a mentor, something to kind of start learning about yourself.

00:54:43.460 And I think it starts there is learning about who we are as people, why I am the way that I am, why I react this way, why I attract these people into my life.

00:54:54.240 And because, again, we I don't think we necessarily just choose people or seeking them.

00:54:59.760 I think we attract them based on wherever we're at in life, like where we're kind of vibrating a little bit.

00:55:05.640 We're going to attract that same frequency of person, too.

00:55:09.280 So I think if you learn about yourself, elevate yourself, become OK being alone, like I know that they're in a relationship, but just having that mentality, like I'm OK with me.

00:55:20.660 I'm OK with me.

00:55:22.020 Whoever I decide to build this connection and family or future with, they're either going to match my vibration, so to speak, or not.

00:55:31.660 And that's where a lot of, I think, disconnect comes in with with relationships that people don't want to work on themselves because working on themselves kind of makes them realize like, wow, I I got myself here and maybe we aren't compatible.

00:55:44.460 Maybe this isn't how it's supposed to go.

00:55:47.720 And then people separate and it's almost then separating the families and everything.

00:55:51.860 It's like, but if you were to have dealt with that in the beginning, then we wouldn't have been here at the end, you know, so I think it's it starts just with with yourself starts with the man analyze your life.

00:56:04.320 What did I do to get here?

00:56:06.560 Because it's us like we got ourselves to wherever we're at in life and we can get out of it, too.

00:56:12.160 But it takes just awareness and a choice to want to become better.

00:56:16.220 Yeah, that makes I mean, I think a guy ought to do that, right, even in that long term relationship is continue to work on yourself.

00:56:24.540 Not only is it going to be better for you as the man, but it's also going to be make you more attractive to her.

00:56:29.820 I think I think that can reignite some sparks and reignite some some connection with you have to kind of do things that brought you guys together in the first place.

00:56:40.800 Like, however you got together, whether you met at a restaurant or a club or a bookstore, the gym or whatever, like and what did you guys do to kind of ignite that spark?

00:56:53.200 Like, did you go on trips?

00:56:54.520 Did you go to concerts?

00:56:55.740 Did you go on weekly dates?

00:56:57.560 Like, how present were you in the relationship and get back to to that?

00:57:02.100 What drew you guys together in the first place?

00:57:04.260 If you choose to want to do that, too, because I don't care.

00:57:08.200 I mean, I don't have children yet, but I want to have them now, but we're waiting.

00:57:13.480 But the kids are always an excuse or I'm tired from working all day.

00:57:19.180 Like, OK, you guys chose each other.

00:57:21.840 You chose this life.

00:57:23.060 So you can't you have to keep working on it and adding fire to it to keep the fire burning.

00:57:29.860 Well, and I also think that when two people aren't compatible, that it's really easy if you're not working on yourself to make that rejection an indictment on you.

00:57:45.080 And I don't think it always is.

00:57:46.880 I think that there's two people who can be really good people who can care about each other deeply and at the end of the day are not compatible.

00:57:55.620 And it's not an indictment against anybody's personality.

00:57:58.340 They're not a bad person.

00:57:59.480 They're not wrong. 0.51

00:58:00.220 It just is not going to work.

00:58:02.920 But if you're not working on yourself, it's way easier to take that incompatibility as a rejection or a personal indictment.

00:58:10.520 And it's just not always the case.

00:58:13.320 No, it's not.

00:58:14.200 And that's I mean, it it takes it takes a special person, too, I think, to recognize like, hey, I'm I'm part of this problem.

00:58:22.360 I am also part of the solution.

00:58:24.780 But again, you there has to be some mutual understanding, too.

00:58:30.520 Like if one person's working on the relationship and the other's not, I mean, it's not going to work, you know, until the other person kind of sees, oh, OK, I can see this.

00:58:41.340 They're really trying.

00:58:42.780 Let me see what I can do to help this as well.

00:58:45.980 But it starts individually first, always, I I always go back to that because of just my own journey and my own transformation.

00:58:53.600 Like I made a choice to go to the gym.

00:58:57.180 I made a choice to hire a trainer.

00:58:58.540 I made a choice to hire mentors and kill myself in the gym and not stop drinking and eat good.

00:59:04.680 Like there was a lot of choices I made because I recognized that there was a problem and I created that problem based on just accepting it from for whatever reason I accepted it because that's just how I saw what I saw growing up just in my family and relationships I saw growing up.

00:59:21.960 So recognizing that there is something we need to work on is a big one, but then doing it, taking the action to do it.

00:59:29.900 And it's it's going to be work, especially if you go 20 years unresolved and all these, oh, my gosh, all this stuff baggage, so to speak, it's going to be hard to unpack it.

00:59:41.500 So that's why you need to do it like in the moment.

00:59:43.980 Now, every year should be better and better and better with your with your partner because you're getting deeper, you're building that connection.

00:59:52.700 And again, it requires time and it's based off of the consistency, the safety and the trust that you guys are building to each other.

01:00:00.180 And that you don't get that easily or quickly.

01:00:03.480 It's just being consistent.

01:00:05.280 Well, and it's, you know, it's it's interesting because when when men go through breakups and women, too, is when they start to do the things that made them attractive in the first place, they're going back to the gym, they're worrying about themselves, they're reengaged in hobbies and activities and interests.

01:00:22.820 The things that made them attractive is that personal work.

01:00:26.000 And I think if you're in a long term committed relationship, you should probably do that now so that you don't find yourself in a situation, a divorce or a separation after 10, 15, 20 years of being together is continue to do that self work and that self care.

01:00:43.420 It is hard, though, because I don't think the messaging is the same generally for women.

01:00:49.000 It is as it is for men, but men are the messaging is you need to sacrifice for your partner, for your person.

01:00:57.820 It's a personal sacrifice.

01:00:59.180 And so we do let ourselves go.

01:01:01.280 We do let our friends go.

01:01:02.580 We do push our hobbies to the side and we think it's noble.

01:01:06.680 And I think to a degree it is, but it's dangerous.

01:01:10.100 And I've I've been guilty of doing that myself plenty of times.

01:01:14.700 Kind of slacking a little bit.

01:01:17.240 No, I wouldn't say slacking.

01:01:19.200 Well, OK, I would say slacking on personal care.

01:01:22.900 Yes.

01:01:23.460 I'm not slacking in the relationship itself.

01:01:26.580 Sure.

01:01:26.900 Yeah.

01:01:27.060 Personal care.

01:01:27.920 I it's at the top of the list.

01:01:30.380 It's the best form of, I think, discipline and self-respect is is your own personal care and not just physical,

01:01:38.980 but mentally, too.

01:01:40.300 Like, how are you how are you waking up every day?

01:01:43.720 Are you present?

01:01:45.080 Are you just get up?

01:01:46.300 Go, go, go.

01:01:47.260 Do you wake up angry?

01:01:48.760 Are you upset?

01:01:49.540 Like how you set the tone at the beginning of the day, I think matters a lot.

01:01:53.940 Like, for example, my husband and I both journal.

01:01:56.980 We I visualize we manifest we we do a lot of just positive reinforcements with each other because, I mean, life happens.

01:02:09.100 We get busy.

01:02:10.220 There's stressors.

01:02:11.220 But you always have to be so grateful for for what you have.

01:02:15.160 Like, I have this little I don't know if you can see it, this little sticky note here.

01:02:19.020 I wrote this almost three years ago with for my husband and he's kept it.

01:02:23.100 And it says, I am great.

01:02:24.320 I embody greatness.

01:02:25.320 Everything around me is great.

01:02:26.460 My life is great because it is.

01:02:28.940 And you have to remember that and be so happy at the life that you have and the partner that's choosing to be with you, too.

01:02:37.300 And what like when I wake up in the morning, the first thing I think of is like, OK, I got to I want to make the house look nice for for us.

01:02:45.360 I want to make our coffee like I write.

01:02:47.400 I have a little whiteboard on our fridge and I write every morning a little note, just something something cute.

01:02:53.300 And he melts like it's just he's like, oh, like, that's so cute.

01:02:57.180 You know, like it's not something he does for me.

01:02:59.500 He does stuff differently for me to make me feel that way.

01:03:01.800 But it's learning those little things about your person.

01:03:04.840 What makes them happy?

01:03:05.780 What makes them light up?

01:03:07.040 What makes them upset?

01:03:08.320 And figuring it out and keeping like a note in your brain.

01:03:12.820 And so you can use that for reference.

01:03:16.220 I like the term you used a little bit ago.

01:03:18.780 You said cracking the code that that resonated with me.

01:03:22.100 And it is it's like I really believe that we should constantly be trying to figure out our partner, you know, is like, OK, what what like you just said, what makes her tick?

01:03:32.060 What makes her mad?

01:03:33.020 What triggers her?

01:03:33.820 What makes her glad?

01:03:34.680 What makes her feel sexy?

01:03:36.340 Like that shouldn't stop just because you've been with a person for two decades.

01:03:41.700 There's still so much to figure out.

01:03:43.560 In fact, I think it was.

01:03:46.040 Maybe Allison Armstrong, who said she's great. 0.72

01:03:50.220 Her and what's the other gal's name? 1.00

01:03:52.380 Esther Perel.

01:03:53.780 Yes.

01:03:54.500 And I can't remember who it was, but they they said that once you start and I'm going to butcher this thinking that you've figured out your partner, it's the end of the relationship.

01:04:07.020 And I thought that was so interesting just to be curious about what makes the woman in your life run.

01:04:12.360 Like that seems like a fun, enjoyable process.

01:04:15.640 Yeah, I just started reading her book, The Queen's Code.

01:04:18.800 I just started it.

01:04:19.640 I'm one chapter in and she she has a way of just she's so sweet.

01:04:24.380 Her delivery is just amazing.

01:04:26.220 I love her.

01:04:27.940 Sometimes you're talking about Allison Armstrong.

01:04:29.920 Allison Armstrong.

01:04:30.760 Yeah.

01:04:30.980 Yeah.

01:04:31.280 Sometimes I wonder, I'm like, you know, this woman, she she had to have been a kindergarten teacher in another life or something because she's so sweet in the way she taught.

01:04:40.000 And sometimes I feel a little bit pandered to when I'm listening to her videos.

01:04:43.140 But what she says is spot on.

01:04:45.980 It is.

01:04:46.620 It's she spent a lot of time.

01:04:48.500 And that's kind of who I admire her a lot just because she made it her duty to understand the man and their brain and how they think, what they like, what they don't like.

01:05:00.700 Because we we naturally will not understand that because we are not men like we are women.

01:05:06.860 We have women, brain, women, DNA, biology, everything. 1.00

01:05:10.180 Like, so how how can we understand men by studying them and asking questions and being just open to them, too, and not just all about me, me, me, me.

01:05:22.700 Like, that's what those Disney movies always show is the girl and the princess and the me.

01:05:28.200 And she's she's the the prize.

01:05:31.260 But the man is the prize, too.

01:05:33.680 Like, it takes two to have a solid relationship.

01:05:37.100 So I don't really like how Disney movies do that.

01:05:40.180 But whatever.

01:05:41.640 I don't write them.

01:05:42.940 Yeah.

01:05:43.980 Well, I think, you know, once reality hits, it changes the tune pretty quickly when you start having bills and kids and other duties and other obligations and things that are pulling you away from each other.

01:05:55.960 It seems like the best thing that you can do is work on yourself and also pour into working on the relationship.

01:06:02.420 It is interesting because, man, we will work on things that are important to us.

01:06:07.660 You know, we'll fix our cars.

01:06:09.720 We'll build things out of wood out in the shop or the garage.

01:06:13.540 We'll, you know, make our office space or our man cave look as great as it possibly can.

01:06:19.940 And I think if I'm being honest and I'm guilty of this as well, is that we don't pour the same sort of attentiveness into the relationship, especially after.

01:06:29.300 Even if it's subconscious, we think, well, I've got the girl.

01:06:33.120 So, yeah.

01:06:34.480 And I think you get comfortable a little bit, like, because it's safe and you guys are friends now, too.

01:06:41.580 And you have a good foundation.

01:06:42.860 But that's great.

01:06:44.800 But you still need that spark.

01:06:46.640 You still need the fire.

01:06:47.900 You have to like women. 1.00

01:06:49.360 We need like we need the emotional highs, you know, like so you've got to surprise us.

01:06:55.000 Take us dancing.

01:06:56.680 I always tell men that I talk to, I'm like, if you don't know how to dance, go learn how to dance.

01:07:01.200 And I promise you that will help bring you guys closer, because as if you know about dancing, the men, they lead.

01:07:08.200 They have to lead.

01:07:09.320 The woman doesn't lead the dancing. 1.00

01:07:10.940 So she will naturally start to kind of fold a little bit and fall into the follower role, so to speak.

01:07:17.920 I don't say that in a negative way.

01:07:19.240 Like men lead, women follow that lead. 1.00

01:07:21.540 So go dancing.

01:07:23.020 Take some dance classes if you don't know how to do it.

01:07:24.880 My husband's Peruvian, so he dances.

01:07:27.340 He's got hips.

01:07:28.060 And I had to learn how to do that because I, my gosh, dancing.

01:07:32.780 I never danced growing up as a child.

01:07:34.980 So he actually got me a year of salsa classes with a salsa instructor to learn how to dance.

01:07:40.420 And when we go out now, we that's a fun way to connect with each other, just dancing and going to concerts, going to shows again, walking and going to the beach, going to dinner, playing Uno.

01:07:53.660 Like we like to play Uno sometimes in our living room, just with some candles and music, just with each other.

01:08:01.300 And it's beautiful talking with each other.

01:08:03.980 I think we get a little disconnected as the days and years go on just from, I think, comfortability.

01:08:10.940 Never stay comfortable.

01:08:12.100 That's a really good point.

01:08:14.300 Just the intentionality behind date nights, behind connection, behind asking good questions, behind being curious.

01:08:22.040 It doesn't, because there is so much going on in our lives, it just, I just don't think it'll happen organically.

01:08:28.900 There's too much pulling for our attention that we won't just by default go on a date.

01:08:34.360 Like you actually have to be intentional about it or play Uno in the living room like you're talking about or set aside time for real conversations about what's good and bad and what you're afraid of and what you're hopeful for and all the good conversations you can't have if you're intentional about it.

01:08:49.880 It's, you nailed it.

01:08:51.220 It's intentional.

01:08:52.120 Everything we do has to have some intention to it.

01:08:55.860 Everything.

01:08:56.620 Like I believe that.

01:08:58.700 I mean, I feel like if you're kind of just coasting through, I mean, I admire you a little bit if you can just coast through life like that.

01:09:07.440 Like, but I, we need, we need work.

01:09:10.320 We need structure.

01:09:11.140 We need like constant fun with each other, excitement, new things.

01:09:17.020 Like make it, make it spicy, make it funny, make it playful.

01:09:22.280 Be vulnerable with each other too.

01:09:24.380 Like something that helps me get closer to my husband is when he's a little vulnerable with me or sharing things with me that he might not want to share because he wants to keep it in and keep it together and strong.

01:09:38.460 But when he shares things with me that I know he wouldn't share with anybody else, that makes me feel closer to him and safer to him.

01:09:46.200 And when I do the same thing or if I notice he's stressed, I take that away.

01:09:54.720 I bring him his food.

01:09:56.420 I say, hey, honey, like let's go for a walk.

01:09:58.200 Like we both do it with each other.

01:10:00.460 I think just understanding your partner and recognizing when they need some regulation, when they're obviously not doing it themselves, like study them, study your person and what, what makes them happier, what calms them down.

01:10:15.020 And then again, what triggers them so you know not to do that again and catch it if you feel those feelings come.

01:10:21.140 Like it's, you're learning about this person and you're learning about just their personality and they're choosing to do the same thing to you.

01:10:29.680 Again, we are, we're choosing this person into our life.

01:10:32.660 It's our job to, to learn about them and figure them out.

01:10:36.900 Well, I'm also glad that you talked about just being in service towards one another because there's the, there's the common thing you hear of like, you know, a woman making her man a sandwich as it's, as if that's a bad thing.

01:10:49.900 I don't understand why, why we mock that.

01:10:52.200 I'm like, of course she should make you a sandwich.

01:10:54.140 Of course she should cook you dinner.

01:10:55.540 If that's what you resonate with and that's how she wants to serve you, why is that a bad thing that a woman makes her, her man a sandwich for lunch or brings him some lemonade when he's out working in the yard? 0.85

01:11:06.440 It's crazy that we villainize stuff like that.

01:11:08.920 I know I, there's nothing more like, I love making food.

01:11:13.920 I love cooking.

01:11:14.840 I love seeing his reaction when he takes a bite and he just hoovers it down.

01:11:20.680 And I'm like, yes, like I, I did that.

01:11:22.980 I created that.

01:11:24.100 And like, he, he holds this container, so to speak, this space for me to, to flourish and to thrive and to just be, be me.

01:11:34.640 He doesn't control me.

01:11:36.500 He doesn't micromanage me.

01:11:38.020 He doesn't belittle me.

01:11:40.240 He isn't jealous of any success that I have.

01:11:43.900 Like it's, it's all positive.

01:11:46.540 It's all positive.

01:11:47.400 And if there's any negative, I believe you have to ask yourself why, like, why do I feel threatened by this?

01:11:53.500 Or what, what is making me have this reaction?

01:11:56.580 You know, like it's, I think just asking questions to ourself when we're in times of stress or even happiness, like just asking yourself, like, what is making me happy right now?

01:12:07.920 Oh, he's making me laugh or he's making me feel safe or he's protecting me or what, why is he upsetting me?

01:12:15.020 Okay, what is he doing that's upsetting me?

01:12:16.640 Well, he's being reactive.

01:12:17.980 He's not listening to me or whatever it is.

01:12:20.620 Like ask the questions to yourself, put an answer to the question and then, okay, noted and let it go.

01:12:27.320 Yeah.

01:12:28.340 Well, Lauren, how do we connect with you?

01:12:30.020 Obviously I would direct people over to your Instagram page.

01:12:33.260 I'm sure you've got other places, but your videos are great.

01:12:35.740 And you put a lot of content out there.

01:12:37.560 Every time I get on there, I'm like another video, like how's she putting so many videos out there?

01:12:42.280 And for the record, I have no social media team management.

01:12:47.300 It's literally just me and my husband.

01:12:49.240 Like we're getting to the point where we will, we'll need that because it's getting a little overwhelming, but it's, it's all positive, all fun.

01:12:56.540 All my social media handles are Flourish with Lauren on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram.

01:13:01.640 My website is in the works right now as we speak.

01:13:05.840 So it's just Flourish with Lauren.

01:13:07.580 There are so many pages out there that are like taking my content and using it or making pages of myself.

01:13:13.800 I saw that and they'll copy it like verbatim your script.

01:13:17.260 Yeah, which is, which is fine.

01:13:19.160 Like it's really fine, but that is not fine.

01:13:21.940 It's so annoying.

01:13:22.960 No, I know the AI ones.

01:13:24.220 I really don't care.

01:13:25.120 I really don't care about those ones, but the people that are doing it, I, I, I take it as a comment.

01:13:31.640 Only because it's okay, cool.

01:13:34.040 You're putting the content out there.

01:13:35.320 Great.

01:13:35.560 At least you're getting it back out there, but this, that's my only account.

01:13:39.400 My only handle is Flourish with Lauren.

01:13:41.640 There's no other, other backup accounts.

01:13:44.800 So if people are sending you messages or asking you for money or it's adding me to this Telegram channel, it's not me.

01:13:51.740 It is not me.

01:13:52.640 This, these are my only, only accounts Flourish with Lauren.

01:13:55.480 That's it.

01:13:56.660 Okay.

01:13:56.900 Well, we'll sync it all up.

01:13:57.960 I really want the guys to check it out and the ladies too, because I think you actually said you started with your audience being women, but the majority of, of people who it seems like are following you or gaining insight from your advice are men.

01:14:11.180 It sounds like.

01:14:11.900 It is, but I'm still doing both.

01:14:14.100 You got to talk to both.

01:14:15.760 It's not just one size fits all.

01:14:18.020 Like both people need to hear it.

01:14:20.240 So I'm still going to be talking about the masculine, feminine, everything, calling both of you guys out.

01:14:25.700 Good.

01:14:26.340 Good.

01:14:26.740 Well, I think we all need it at times.

01:14:28.740 So, uh, Lauren, I appreciate you.

01:14:30.800 Thanks for joining me today.

01:14:31.720 And I'm very excited to get this information out to people.

01:14:34.460 Thank you for having me, Ryan.

01:14:35.660 I really appreciate it.

01:14:36.720 Thank you so much.

01:14:37.540 All right, you guys, there you go.

01:14:40.300 My conversation with Lauren again, I don't have any, I don't have many, not any, but many women on the podcast.

01:14:45.820 And I think Lauren was a great representative for our female counterparts and contrary to popular, popular belief.

01:14:53.780 We're not at odds with each other, guys.

01:14:55.760 I don't hate women. 1.00

01:14:57.360 I don't think they're the worst.

01:14:58.560 I'm not an incel.

01:14:59.320 I'm not a red pill.

01:15:00.800 And I don't think a lot of women are feminists and hate men and think they're the enemy. 1.00

01:15:05.880 There are some for sure.

01:15:08.140 But I think the majority of men want to band with women.

01:15:11.660 And I think the majority of women want to band with men. 0.99

01:15:14.040 And these conversations are what make that happen.

01:15:16.800 So if you got any insight from this, go check out her Instagram page, TikTok, wherever she's doing her social media stuff.

01:15:23.600 She did say her website is being built.

01:15:25.920 So you'll be able to check that out soon, I'm sure.

01:15:28.520 And gain some insight.

01:15:30.240 I think she does a really good job.

01:15:32.440 And I know a lot of guys are probably like, oh, I don't want to learn about what it means to be a man from a woman.

01:15:36.700 That's not what this podcast was about.

01:15:38.960 This podcast was about how do men relate with and connect with women from a woman's perspective.

01:15:44.940 And I hope it served you and helped you.

01:15:46.840 Guys, make sure you subscribe.

01:15:48.760 Leave a rating and review on YouTube.

01:15:50.740 Subscribe on YouTube.

01:15:52.640 Text it to a friend.

01:15:53.640 And get other men this information.

01:15:56.100 Let's blow this thing up in 2026 and reclaim and restore what it means to be a man.

01:16:01.080 Outside of that, check out the Iron Council, our brotherhood.

01:16:04.500 The first, original, and best brotherhood for men exclusively.

01:16:09.460 No women in there. 1.00

01:16:10.240 Sorry.

01:16:11.160 It's the He-Man, what is it called?

01:16:14.080 He-Man Woman Haters Club, I think is what it is.

01:16:16.400 That's what we are.

01:16:17.120 So, check it out at orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.

01:16:21.860 And we don't really hate women, but this is for men only. 0.98

01:16:25.040 All right, guys.

01:16:25.620 We'll be back tomorrow for our Ask Me Anything.

01:16:28.920 Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.

01:16:33.340 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:16:36.300 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

01:16:40.000 we invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - January 13, 2026

Laurin Ponce ｜ Why Opposite Sexes Struggle to Connect

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