Order of Man - Leadership is Not a Popularity Contest ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,

00:00:27.700 and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the Order of Man movement. Thank you for being

00:00:32.160 here. Thank you for being a man. Thank you for being interested in being a more effective and

00:00:37.100 more capable man. That is my mission to give you the tools, the resources, the conversations,

00:00:42.200 everything that you might need to be a more successful husband, father, business owner,

00:00:47.180 community leader, whatever facet of life you're showing up as. We've got a very good one. I believe,

00:00:52.760 of course, as I say, every week, I'm a bit biased, but I think this is a very crucial conversation,

00:00:58.000 especially in the wake of the lack of leadership that we're seeing in politics, in business and the

00:01:06.120 corporate environment and families. I want to tell you and give you some strategies for becoming a more

00:01:12.840 effective leader within the walls of your home, your business, and your community as well.

00:01:18.880 Before we get into that, I do want to just very briefly mention that we've got a lot of new

00:01:25.220 merchandise in the Order of Man store, including the hat that you see me wearing today, which is

00:01:30.960 our Order of Man Watchmen hat. We've got this black on gray. Then we've also got the navy with red and

00:01:38.200 white over there. We've got a bunch of shirts. We've got our battle planners, and we also have a new

00:01:44.600 kids battle planner. This is something that my oldest son designed with the help of his younger

00:01:51.480 brother, and of course, the assist from me in making it a reality. But it was pretty cool to

00:01:56.320 see my son open these kids battle planners for the first time. He picked up the book. He flipped

00:02:03.040 through the pages with his fingers. He smelled the leather. It was pretty cool to experience that sense

00:02:09.060 moment of pride that he had in himself for seeing something come together that just started as a

00:02:15.520 vision in his mind, a 12-year-old kid. That's the power of what we do as fathers, is to be able to

00:02:22.440 breathe life into our children's visions and dreams and hopes and desires. If you have a child, I would

00:02:29.220 highly encourage you to at least check out the 90-day battle planner for kids. It is significantly

00:02:37.520 different than the battle planner that you see for men, the 12-week battle planner. And I think it's

00:02:43.580 more conducive to children. But you know what's interesting is I actually looked at it and thought,

00:02:48.600 man, this would be really good for myself as well. So whether you want to purchase one for your kid

00:02:55.340 and that child is, I would say the appropriate age to maybe consider starting them is seven,

00:03:02.220 eight years old on a very limited basis, or you're interested in picking it up for yourself.

00:03:08.020 The 90-day battle planner for kids is a very powerful tool, significantly different than the

00:03:13.520 battle planner we have available now. And I would highly encourage you to check it out. And when you

00:03:17.260 do, by the way, your order is going to be packaged by my first or second son, depending on the day,

00:03:23.040 because they trade and take turns. And you're going to get a personalized note and letter from

00:03:27.260 them, letting them know, or letting you know, I should say, how, how grateful they are for your

00:03:33.460 support. So check it out. Store.orderofman.com. Store.orderofman.com. You can check out the hats,

00:03:41.700 the shirts, the battle planners, the wallets, the decals, the patches, and everything else that we have

00:03:48.100 over there. All right. That's it. My way of announcements guys, today, I want to talk with

00:03:52.160 you about how leadership is not a popularity contest. I think when we're, when we're young,

00:04:00.360 we believe that whoever's more popular is going to naturally and inevitably be the leader. I remember

00:04:05.940 friends running for student council. I never ran for student council when, when I was younger,

00:04:11.880 primarily because I was more interested in sports than I was any sort of, of leadership within, in

00:04:17.980 the school. Uh, and, uh, I remember a friend of mine asking if I would give him a, uh, an introductory

00:04:24.580 speech to help him secure his nomination as I believe it was the, uh, the secretary of, of the school.

00:04:33.400 I can't, I can't really, really remember that was 20 years ago or so. And I just thought to myself,

00:04:39.100 you know, I gave the speech because he was a friend of mine and I wanted to help out in whatever way

00:04:43.140 I could. But I just remember thinking to myself, man, this is just a popularity contest. Now he won

00:04:48.240 and he won because he was popular. And he won because I was kind of popular in high school because

00:04:54.320 I was a jock and played sports and did all that sort of thing. So that's really what people looked

00:05:00.420 at kids anyways, looked at, uh, when it came to what it meant to be a leader. Now, what's interesting

00:05:06.260 is that inevitably as we get older and we mature and we step into more significant leadership roles,

00:05:11.960 we think that the most popular people are going to be leaders. So what does that cause us to do?

00:05:17.620 Well, it causes us to make decisions that we think are going to be popular. Politicians do this as well.

00:05:23.800 Even at the federal level, you know, they make decisions, not based on what is right,

00:05:27.840 not based on what is true, not based on what they said they would do or what will help the most

00:05:33.520 amount of people. They base their decisions on what they think is popular. And I actually think

00:05:37.280 that's a huge problem with politics these days. And not only these days, but probably since the

00:05:43.120 advent or since we've been walking around as human beings on this earth, guys, I'm here to tell you

00:05:49.600 that if you truly want to lead people, you aren't always going to be popular, or at least you're not

00:05:54.120 going to be popular with everyone. You know, there's going to be a certain subs subset or subgroup of

00:05:58.620 people who you are extremely popular with. I'm finding that out as I continue to lead the order

00:06:03.420 of man mission and movement. And then you're going to be very, very unpopular with other individuals,

00:06:10.360 but even in a work environment, let's say you're in some sort of team leadership position or management

00:06:15.760 position, you might have to make decisions that are unpopular. And you've got to ask yourself,

00:06:22.240 are you more interested in being popular and being approved of and liked by your subordinates and by

00:06:28.440 the people that you're trying to serve? Or are you more interested in leading them to a place they

00:06:34.060 could not have imagined going to on their own? And that is the best definition of leadership that

00:06:38.820 I've seen is helping individuals get to a place that not only could they not have imagined going to

00:06:45.040 on their own, that they could not possibly get to on their own. That is your job as a leader.

00:06:50.780 And that means that at times you're going to need to make decisions that are not popular.

00:06:56.480 You're going to have to let go of potentially people who are popular. You're going to have to

00:07:02.780 make uncomfortable decisions. There's going to be sacrifices that need to be made. One of the,

00:07:10.100 a movie that I really like is called master and commander. Some of you guys have seen it

00:07:14.640 with Russell Crowe probably came out 20 plus years ago at this point. And he's the, he's the captain of

00:07:21.580 the ship and the ship gets stuck in a storm. And if I remember correctly, the mast of the storm of the

00:07:28.880 ship rather breaks and it falls into the ocean in the midst of the storm. And it becomes an acts like

00:07:37.700 a sea anchor. So eventually because it's stuck in a tide in the, in the, in the waves of the ocean,

00:07:42.860 that it's going to pull the ship into the sea. And, uh, captain Aubrey, I think his name is trying to

00:07:50.280 remember this. He says, you know, or he has to make the decision that either we're going to let

00:07:56.340 everybody die or we're going to cut this guy who happens to be on the sea anchor. Cause he was on the

00:08:04.560 mast. When it fell, we're going to cut this guy loose. And he makes the decision in that moment that 0.99

00:08:11.400 they're going to cut that mast that fell into, uh, the ocean. We're going to cut that loose. So it

00:08:18.340 no longer acts as a sea anchor. And we're going to write that ship. So they get out the kit and they

00:08:24.060 get out the axes and the hatchets. And he hands a hatchet to one of the crew members. Well, this

00:08:28.520 particular crew member happens to be a very close personal friend of the sailor who's stuck on the

00:08:34.040 mast in the ocean, who, when those ropes are cut is going to be lost at sea. And he hands that to him

00:08:42.040 and he wrestles with that decision and you can see it in his eyes and you can see how uncomfortable

00:08:47.680 it is for him to have to make the decision to sacrifice this sailor in order to save the rest

00:08:57.160 of the crew and save the ship. And of course, drive on with a mission, which is the most important

00:09:01.160 thing, right? Mission first. We, we hear about that. We talk about that. I think most of us believe

00:09:05.580 that. So guys, I illustrate that point because I want you to know that leadership isn't always

00:09:11.800 popular. You know, sometimes you have to play the game. Sometimes you have to play politics,

00:09:17.980 but the decisions that you make aren't always going to be popular with everyone. And it's the mark of

00:09:25.660 a strong, capable, successful leader who can make the correct decisions in spite of it being

00:09:35.540 unpopular. And are you willing to come to terms with that? I mean, are you more interested in

00:09:42.500 being popular and being liked and receiving the accolades and admiration of other people?

00:09:47.380 Or are you more interested in seeing people thrive and to win? I know as a father, I'm not always

00:09:52.000 popular. When I tell my kids, they have to do the dishes or go to bed. I'm not the most popular guy

00:09:56.980 in the house, but you know what still needs to be done. And I consider my job as a father to render

00:10:02.900 myself obsolete, which means that as a leader, if I'm trying to put myself out of work, I've got to

00:10:07.880 put them in environments that they're not completely comfortable with. And that makes me unpopular.

00:10:13.080 Now we're not doing things to be a dickhead, right? Like there's a difference. And of course you need to 0.91

00:10:18.780 exercise some tact because you do need to have some level of trust and authority and credibility with

00:10:25.220 other people, some level of influence, and they have a say in that matter. So you do need to work on

00:10:31.340 that. I'm not saying that you need to completely ignore that just for the sake of, of, of being a

00:10:36.300 quote unquote leader. There's a lot of elements and layers to this, but realize that if you want

00:10:41.880 to lead effectively, come to terms with the fact that not everybody's going to like you and you know

00:10:46.700 what, it's okay. And if you're more interested in people liking you, then just resign as a leader,

00:10:52.380 just resign. Don't be a father. Don't be a husband. Don't, don't own your business. Don't be sort of

00:10:57.240 any sort of team leader. When your boss tries to give you a promotion, decline that promotion

00:11:01.200 because you're not interested in leadership. You're just more interested in being popular.

00:11:05.600 And look, if you want to be popular, I don't know, you can walk around and like pay people

00:11:09.600 compliments all day. You'd be pretty popular if you did that. Or you can, maybe you can sell ice

00:11:14.480 cream to people. In fact, don't sell it. Just give it to them. Just give them ice cream because

00:11:18.320 you'd be pretty popular if you did that. But giving people ice cream and paying them compliments

00:11:23.200 is going to accomplish the mission. So what's more important to you? You've got to ask yourself.

00:11:26.680 So what I wanted to talk with you about today, I wrote down five strategies here,

00:11:30.280 five little tips, pointers, the framework, whatever you want to call it to help you

00:11:34.360 wrap the head around, wrap your head around the fact that you're not always going to be popular

00:11:39.000 and come to terms with that and then be able to drive on. So point number one is fight the right

00:11:43.000 battle. All right. And we've been talking about this for the past 10 minutes or so. The battle is not

00:11:46.940 to be popular. The battle is not to be right. The battle is not to be liked. The battle is to win

00:11:53.080 whatever your battle is. If the battle is you as a father, your battle is to raise self-sufficient

00:11:59.080 human beings. All right. Now there's a lot of men who have raised the last holes, right? We see

00:12:05.860 these are the last holes because they're, they, they feel entitled to everything and they've never

00:12:09.640 dealt with any sort of hardship. Uh, and, and, and they think that everybody owes them something.

00:12:14.940 These are the little a-holes I'm talking about. And if you raise one of those little a-holes, 1.00

00:12:19.480 that's on you. Okay. You were more interested in being popular with that child than you were

00:12:26.680 being right by equipping them with the tools and the resources and the, and the things that they

00:12:31.440 needed to be able to thrive in their life, which wasn't always comfortable for you. What's very

00:12:37.240 interesting about these people who say, you know, I'm just trying to help them. I just want to help

00:12:40.580 them. I have a bleeding heart and I just want to help them. You look in the majority of cases,

00:12:45.340 I don't think those individuals are more interested in helping people. I think they're more

00:12:49.020 interested in serving themselves because they don't want to be in an uncomfortable situation.

00:12:53.980 They don't want it to be awkward. They don't want to feel bad. They don't want to sacrifice.

00:13:00.240 So leading in any, in any way other than rendering yourself obsolete in any way other than doing the

00:13:12.280 right thing is a very selfish way to lead. Now you'll rationalize and you'll justify it by saying,

00:13:19.020 I just want this person to feel good and feel happy and feel secure and feel safe. And isn't that the

00:13:24.120 problem that we're seeing in society? We've created a generation of sniveling, whining, little wimps. 0.99

00:13:34.160 And guess what we're having to do now? Deal with these people. And we created them.

00:13:42.740 We're the ones that, that made them that way because we were so selfish that we weren't willing

00:13:50.260 to sacrifice. We weren't willing to jeopardize our own feelings. And instead we just made it easy on

00:14:00.480 them guys. We got to fight the right battle. And the battle is not, I want people to feel happy.

00:14:06.240 I want some sort of utopian society that is not humanly possible. That's not the right battle.

00:14:12.400 Okay. The right battle is I want to win. I want to dominate. I want my children to thrive in a world of

00:14:24.340 degenerate individuals. I want my business to dominate the market space. 0.94

00:14:34.860 I want to win. You guys all have that attitude, but are your actions aligned with that attitude?

00:14:41.740 And I know they are. If you're making unpopular decisions that are right, it's not for the sake

00:14:48.460 of being unpopular. It's decisions that might not be popular, but that are right and true and get the

00:14:54.920 ship going in the right direction. Point number two, operate based on principles, not emotions,

00:15:04.420 not what somebody might be experiencing, not some sort of external circumstance, or will I be liked,

00:15:13.300 or will this be met with contention or animosity, but operate from a base of principle? Now, look guys,

00:15:22.900 the way that we administer these principles can vary and they should vary. If you're one of these zero

00:15:27.400 F's mentality guys, you're wrong. Okay. You're flat out wrong. Hey, this is just the way I communicate.

00:15:33.340 And if they don't like it, that's their problem. No, that's your problem as the leader.

00:15:38.660 If you're walking around with this level of arrogance and you're saying, Hey, zero F's.

00:15:42.640 And if this guy doesn't believe what I believe in, this guy doesn't do it the way I want to do it.

00:15:46.460 And you're trying to lead that individual. And because of your attitude, he isn't getting the

00:15:51.080 team or doing his job or getting the team in the right direction. That's on you as the leader, not

00:15:55.560 him. So what I'm suggesting when I say operate on principles is, is not screw everybody at the

00:16:04.840 expense of the mission, right? We're not trying to sacrifice people on the altar of whatever your

00:16:11.220 mission is. That's not what we're doing here. What we're doing here is we're realizing that,

00:16:16.680 okay, I'm going to operate on principles and realize that the principles are first. And if I

00:16:20.300 follow the correct principles, then everything else will begin to fall in line. Now, the way you

00:16:26.160 administer the principles is different for different people. When I was early in my retail, uh, retail,

00:16:32.400 that's my background, by the way, if you guys don't know, is I was, uh, I did retail clothing.

00:16:36.200 I managed retail clothing stores. And I remember vividly, like it was yesterday, there was this,

00:16:41.900 uh, this, I was going to say woman, but she, I don't think she was a woman. I think she was 16 1.00

00:16:46.240 or 17 years old at the time. So this young lady who, uh, worked in one of our stores, one of,

00:16:51.720 one of my stores, and I was the either assistant manager or manager in training somewhere, somewhere

00:16:56.560 along those lines. And she was just leaving a mess everywhere in the store. Like she would,

00:17:02.200 she would pull out jeans for people and have them try them on and pull down shirts and have 1.00

00:17:05.940 these people try them on. And she was a great sales associate from that perspective. She could sell

00:17:09.980 a lot of clothing, which was really good, but she just left a mess, just a complete mess everywhere 1.00

00:17:16.760 she went. And it was so infuriating and frustrating to me. And one day I really laid into her. Like I

00:17:23.440 really got after her more so than I needed because I was immature and I didn't know. And I thought,

00:17:28.580 okay, well, we've got to play some mission first and she's leaving a mess and this is causing a problem 1.00

00:17:31.920 for other people. So I really laid into her and she started crying, like sobbing, genuine and

00:17:38.500 legitimate tears. And immediately I was like, Whoa, like I've, I've done something wrong here.

00:17:44.380 I don't know what's going on. Right. So I step away from the situation. I talk with my manager,

00:17:49.520 we get things worked out and I go back and talk with her. And it turns out she's dealing with some

00:17:53.160 very personal issues in the moment. And, uh, it wasn't necessarily what I did. It was her own

00:17:59.340 personal issues she was dealing with, but it was the way that I was handling that situation

00:18:03.440 without any sort of, of empathy and understanding. Uh, and it created a real, real rift and a real

00:18:10.480 problem. Well, I undermined myself, right? I lost credibility with her. Now the mission is first,

00:18:16.540 no doubt keeping the store clean in that environment was very important, but if it comes at the expense of

00:18:22.680 our, our employees and we have this zero F mentality, my way or the highway mentality,

00:18:28.340 like a lot of us do, you're going to create some real contention, some real problems. You're actually

00:18:33.380 undermining your efforts in a lot of ways. So when I say that operate on principle is a key component

00:18:38.640 of, of, of effective leadership, I'm not saying that needs to come at the expense of your employees.

00:18:44.900 That's up for you to determine, and you need to be able to evaluate and know your team's

00:18:50.340 personality and how they interact so that you can communicate in an effective way.

00:18:56.000 You're still communicating the principles. So you're not sacrificing the principles with her.

00:18:59.960 I wouldn't sacrifice the cleanliness of the store. Had I known what she was dealing with and had I been

00:19:06.040 a little bit more mature in my leadership approach, I would have, I would have approached

00:19:10.460 that completely different. I would have produced a better result, not only for the store, but for her

00:19:16.220 and me as well. So please don't misunderstand me and think that just because I'm saying operate on

00:19:21.860 principle, that you can just sacrifice all of your employees or subordinates or family members.

00:19:26.680 That's not what I'm talking about here. This is a team effort. And so you need to be able to

00:19:30.960 communicate in an effective way. That's going to get them on board with the principles that you're

00:19:34.760 sharing. Okay. Which leads me into point number three, which is to communicate effectively.

00:19:39.940 If there's one skill that I believe that all men should work on continually developing, 0.98

00:19:46.700 it's your ability to communicate with other individuals. There isn't a single skill

00:19:50.840 in my mind anyways, that is more important than your ability to communicate effectively.

00:19:56.920 And one of the unintended consequences, I shouldn't say consequences benefits. One of the unintended

00:20:03.440 benefits of running this podcast over the past five and a half years is that I've become a pretty

00:20:08.960 effective communicator. I know how to have conversations with other people. I know how to

00:20:14.860 ask questions and extract and solicit answers that they wouldn't normally give. I know how to get to

00:20:21.240 the heart and the root of the matter. I know how to push back when needed. I still have room to go,

00:20:26.000 but these are all things that I've gotten better at through practice and through a level of empathy

00:20:30.880 and understanding guys, your most valuable asset in any, in any endeavor is the people around you.

00:20:36.560 It's your team members. It's your family. It's the people that you're surrounded by. And so your job

00:20:40.820 is to lift them up. And how do we lift them up by communicating effectively at a team leader for

00:20:46.500 the iron council, which is our exclusive brotherhood. I had him on the, on one of our team leader calls

00:20:51.980 today. And this particular gentleman has done a phenomenal job over, over almost two years now

00:20:58.780 being engaged and committing and stepping up and sacrificing. And now he's a team leader and he's

00:21:05.460 leading, uh, 13 to 15 other men very, very well. And he's stepping into voluntary roles. And I took a

00:21:13.040 moment out of our team membership call today, team leadership call, I should say. And I just spent some

00:21:20.500 time praising him in front of everybody else. And it wasn't disingenuous. This gentleman has done a

00:21:27.360 very exceptional job. And I communicated that to him and I shared it in front of the rest of the team,

00:21:34.920 because I know that if he feels the level of admiration and respect that I have for him,

00:21:42.400 and I'm able to communicate that and articulate it in a powerful and a meaningful way that makes him

00:21:47.840 feel important, that makes him feel special about himself, that not only is it the right thing to

00:21:53.500 do, but I'm going to get a lot more output from this individual, right? Because he's bought in,

00:21:59.020 Hey, Brian recognized me. He sees what I'm doing. He sees the, the sacrifice and the effort and the

00:22:04.080 commitment. And now he's more bought in than he's ever been over a period of two years. Now, some might

00:22:11.820 say, well, you're just manipulating that individual. That's not manipulation. I believe everything that I

00:22:17.080 said, and I believe he needed to know everything that I felt, but I happened to understand that if

00:22:25.380 I can share it in front of other people, then he'll feel exceptionally good about that. And he

00:22:29.700 should be, by the way, he should feel good about that. And it will drive him to excel and to strive

00:22:36.240 and to do even better than what he's currently doing. Guys, your ability to communicate these things

00:22:41.680 effectively to other individuals is very important. One other thing that we talked about on our team

00:22:45.760 leadership call today is that you want to be very careful of telling people, well, we're doing it

00:22:54.100 because this is the way we do it and exerting your authority. Now you could do that and you're going to

00:22:59.960 get some, some level of compliance. So Brett Bartholomew taught me this. He says, you know, you're going to

00:23:08.720 get some, you either have compliance or you have commitment. All right. And compliance is just getting

00:23:13.980 people to adhere to what you're doing because there's some sort of ramification. If they don't,

00:23:20.400 okay. That's compliance commitment. On the other hand is them voluntarily wanting to do that. And we

00:23:27.640 do that through the way that we communicate effectively with other individuals. So guys,

00:23:32.480 effectively communicate with those people, because those are the people that you're leading. Those are

00:23:39.060 the people that you're inspiring. And those are the people who are going to help you achieve the

00:23:44.340 levels of success that you and the team desire. All right. So that's point number three. Point number

00:23:49.260 four is hire the right team. Like you got to hire the right people, right? If, if your team isn't

00:23:56.500 motivated, isn't inspiring, isn't, isn't being led, isn't willing to, to step up, isn't willing to buy

00:24:02.460 into your mission. There, there's some things that you can do on your end, but there's some things that

00:24:07.000 they have to do on their end and you don't have a hundred percent control of that over this. But

00:24:11.240 what you do have a hundred percent control over is the people that you hire is the people that you

00:24:16.320 bring on. And so we give them every opportunity that we possibly can in order to, to, to thrive

00:24:23.360 and to excel and to succeed. And some people just won't get it. And as I said earlier, sometimes you're

00:24:30.320 going to need to cut the C anchor because there's people on your team who aren't getting it.

00:24:36.060 Now we, as leaders need to give them every opportunity and every resource that we possibly

00:24:40.740 can to ensure that they're set up for success. But if after banging your head against the wall,

00:24:48.860 you've communicated effectively, you've given them all the resources, you've shared all the

00:24:52.680 information, you've given them time to grow and to learn and develop, they aren't getting it.

00:24:56.820 Well, that's an individual that can no longer be on your team because the mission is first.

00:25:01.820 And that's going to be a very unpopular thing. You might have to let go of somebody who

00:25:06.500 is well-liked. Of course, that person isn't going to like your decision. There's going to be other

00:25:12.200 people who don't like that decision. And yet you have to make it because you are the team leader.

00:25:18.420 And if you aren't willing to make that decision, then just step down right now,

00:25:21.620 just resign from the leadership position you're in and resign back into a team leader position. If you

00:25:27.260 can't hack it, if you can't handle it, all right, I can understand maybe because it's hard,

00:25:32.500 but you certainly shouldn't be in an element of leadership. Leadership, like I said earlier,

00:25:38.020 is not a popularity contest. And you might have to let go of somebody who's not the right fit

00:25:43.140 because the team comes first. And by the way, people think, oh, I'm sacrificing that guy. And

00:25:47.840 that guy's not going to like me. Well, what if you keep that individual around?

00:25:50.940 What if you keep that individual around? Well, he's going to undermine and he's going to underperform.

00:26:01.060 He's going to diminish. And he's also going to rot out the team. I've seen this a lot.

00:26:07.580 Guys who are bitter and contentious and they don't have the right spirit and they aren't

00:26:10.860 interested or bought into the mission. And they just rot and bring in this level of toxicity to

00:26:15.440 the team that just is cancerous to the rest of the team. And then not only do you lose one guy,

00:26:22.420 you lose two guys, you lose five guys, you lose 10 guys because you allowed that one individual,

00:26:26.700 because you were weak and you were soft. You allowed that one end and you were more worried

00:26:32.000 about being popular that you allowed one individual to rot out and destroy and eat away like some corrosive

00:26:41.940 acid, the rest of your team. That's your fault. That's not his fault. You knew that guy was

00:26:47.820 cancerous. You knew he was a toxic contribution to your team. And yet you kept him around because 0.82

00:26:55.200 you're spineless and you're a coward and you're more interested in being liked. By the way, guys, 0.99

00:27:00.920 I speak from experience. I've kept people around longer than I should, because I thought, oh man,

00:27:05.920 you know, this is going to be awkward. I'm going to let this guy go. I'm going to have to ask him to

00:27:09.100 step down. This is going to be uncomfortable. Welcome to leadership. We have to make unpopular

00:27:14.800 decisions based on principle, based on putting the team first, based on winning, whatever the

00:27:20.560 objective is. And that means at times, like, uh, like the movie speed, sometimes you're going to

00:27:26.280 have to shoot the hostage, right? Keanu Reeves. Hey, I'd shoot the hostage. Sometimes there's going to

00:27:32.480 be, have to be some hostages and you're going to have to do it. And we do it with as much class

00:27:36.840 intact as possible. But at times some people have to go and you got to be willing to do that.

00:27:43.220 And by the way, I want the best for the people that I let go. If I let somebody go in my old

00:27:47.680 business, which is retail management, or I decide to let go of a client that maybe isn't a good client

00:27:53.400 or a good fit for what I'm doing, or ask somebody to step down and team leadership from the iron

00:27:57.520 council. I do genuinely want the best for these individuals. I don't do that out of spite.

00:28:03.580 I don't do that because I don't like that individual. I do it because I want not only

00:28:09.180 my team to win, but I want that person to win as well. Like I want them to go out and find whatever

00:28:13.540 it is they need in life, that it's going to help them be happier, be more successful and be a

00:28:17.900 contributing member to another team. But they ain't going to do it here because it ain't happening here.

00:28:23.780 All right. Point number five, guys, keep your eye on the price. All right. Just keep your eye on

00:28:29.020 the prize. It's very easy to get distracted. It's very easy to get sidetracked. It's very easy to get

00:28:34.320 so wrapped up in the way you feel about people or one person individually. And while I commend you

00:28:39.640 for your level of empathy and, and understanding and compassion, if it comes at the expense of the

00:28:46.420 team, you're not being a great leader. You're not, you're being an ineffective leader. You're

00:28:52.160 inefficient. You're hindering people. You're hindering the person that should be let go. You're hindering

00:28:56.840 the people that are still around and you're undermining yourself. And at some point you

00:29:00.800 probably ought to be let go too. So keep your eye on the prize. What is the prize of your family?

00:29:06.460 Well, when it comes to your children, it's to render yourself obsolete. When it comes to your wife, 0.92

00:29:11.820 it's to honor her, to be faithful to her and to help her get to a place that she could not have

00:29:17.680 imagined going on your, on her own. When it comes to other individuals, it's about winning,

00:29:22.980 winning the game, growing the business, giving them opportunities where they will get promoted

00:29:28.280 and they will make more money and they will be able to be more bought into the mission and they

00:29:32.700 will be able to serve more effectively. That's the prize. And there's going to be things that pop

00:29:37.640 up along the way, whether they're people or circumstances that are going to try to either

00:29:42.440 deliberately or unintentionally detract and distract you from accomplishing your overall objective.

00:29:50.600 And you need to be able to eliminate the temptations, eliminate the distractions,

00:29:55.720 eliminate the hurdles and the obstacles, and even the people that get in the way of you

00:29:59.580 achieving your results and accomplishing what you want to as a team. That is at the essence of what

00:30:06.300 it means to be a team leader and to be in a leadership position in general. I know guys that

00:30:13.100 these are challenging things. I know that we bought into the idea that, you know, we just want to be

00:30:18.440 popular and we want to be liked and we don't have social media followers. And we want to get a bunch

00:30:22.400 of clicks on our social media profiles. I fall into that trap as well, but I'm telling you that

00:30:27.280 leadership is not a popularity contest. Might've been in high school, might be in some certain

00:30:33.740 elements, but if you truly want to win, you're not worried about being popular where you're worried

00:30:37.420 about the ultimate victory of your team, whether it's your family members in your community,

00:30:42.600 your actual team that you might be coaching the business, whatever facet of life. And I feel like

00:30:49.280 if you incorporate these five principles, which is number one, uh, fight the right battle. Number

00:30:53.640 two, operate on principles. Number three, communicate effectively. Number four, uh, hire the right team,

00:31:00.700 keep the right team around. And number five, uh, keep your eye on the prize. This is it guys.

00:31:06.640 Not a lot to it. Obviously easier said than done. It's always easier to open your mouth and flap your

00:31:12.720 gums than it is to actually put your back and hands and mind to work. But this is what's required.

00:31:18.980 I have faith in you. I know you can do it. I'm excited to see what comes of you stepping into

00:31:25.780 leadership, not only for you, but the people you're serving. And that's what this is all about.

00:31:29.860 Talk about the core tenants of masculinity to be, to be protect, provide, and preside.

00:31:34.460 Preside is synonymous with leadership. I'm excited about what you're doing as leaders

00:31:38.720 inside the walls of your home and your community and your businesses as well. I'm inspired by you

00:31:43.480 every day. I don't want you to lose track of what's important. Yes, your individuals are important,

00:31:50.100 but the mission always comes first, which means that you won't always be popular and leaders

00:31:55.120 accept that. And they embrace that and they do what's necessary for the ultimate victory of the team.

00:32:02.300 All right, guys, that's all I got for you today. We'll be back next week for another exciting

00:32:06.820 interview. Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.

00:32:12.600 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life

00:32:17.120 and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

00:32:22.640 Thank you.

Order of Man - August 21, 2020

Leadership is Not a Popularity Contest ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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