Order of Man - Leading Your Wife Effectively, The Modern Feminist Movement, and Masculine Creativity ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.040 Mr. Kip Sorensen, what's up, brother? Good to see you.

00:00:27.580 Good to see you. Good to see you.

00:00:29.320 You have a good Easter.

00:00:30.260 I survived the weekend with Easter and my birthday and everything else that was going on.

00:00:35.020 So here we are back to it.

00:00:37.620 Yeah. It's actually like being back to work.

00:00:40.820 Me too. It was, so we usually have a big, my wife's super social, right?

00:00:47.120 So Easter weekend is like, I eventually in the weekend with like, I just want to be alone and do laundry.

00:00:55.220 Like I don't want to be a right people.

00:00:57.200 Minus the laundry thing.

00:00:58.120 Yeah. And, but it was also conference weekend at the same time.

00:01:06.620 And for a conference, we usually invite people over. I'll make, uh, Indian fried bread and, you know, and we decided to still do both over the weekend. So I'm like, oh my gosh, like, I got to get to work.

00:01:20.560 I want to go into the office. So people will leave me alone. Totally. I did eat five Indian tacos yesterday. So, um, so I always, I always refer to them as Navajo tacos. Is that what they are? Is that the same thing?

00:01:32.460 Well, if you're Navajo? Yeah. That's, that's the, that's like politically incorrect or whatever. Yeah. 0.59

00:01:37.580 We all know what people are talking about. Indian tacos. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I was actually, it was funny because I was somewhere I can't remember. And we called them Navajo tacos is what we called them. And somebody asked somebody who was actually Navajo, what they called it. And they said tacos.

00:01:52.680 Yeah. That's super funny. Yeah. It's, it's pretty insane that we live in this world of like political correctness. And what if one person on the planet happens to be offended or takes it out of context or it's, I was watching. Do you ever, have you ever watched this show called studio C? I know about it, but I've never watched it. It's really funny. It's, it's, it's, it's like Saturday night live or something like that, but a family friendly version of it.

00:02:22.520 So my kids watch it all the time. And there was this skit on there. The guy's name is Stacy and he's a black guy and they're all pretending to be crayons. And he got assigned the skin color crayon, which is, it's our skin color. Right. And he's like, and I got assigned this. Just think about that for one second. And it was a joke, but I'm, and I don't know how long that skit was made. I don't even know if that would fly today, which is sad. It's just a joke.

00:02:51.200 Everybody needs to lighten up and just relax a little bit, but man, people are so uptight about the slightest thing that might hurt somebody's feelings or offense. And usually it's not even, it's not even offensive. It just, it's just a bunch of virtue signaling of, of, of I'm better than you. I'm morally superior because I thought about that.

00:03:12.300 And you didn't think about that one thing you said and how it might actually hurt somebody's feelings. Yeah. Absolutely ridiculous.

00:03:18.460 Yeah. And some of that is, it's out of, it's out of like, um, well, we're as an example, I was talking with Asia about this and we're saying that sometimes when people are a little ignorant about certain cultures, right. They, they might, they might dress up or, you know what I mean? Cause they're, they're intrigued by it.

00:03:40.460 But the person that knows a lot more about the culture might be offended. Like, you know, but where's that coming from? It's coming from a place of like, I'm interested in that. I, yeah, I'm stupid. I don't know the details, but I'm fascinated about it. And I'm trying. Right.

00:03:55.200 It's like literally from a place of like, of appreciation. It's not from a place of like being insult, insulting or anything else, but yet it's like, Oh, how dare you wear? I don't know. A headdress because my ancestors, you know, it's like, I know they don't know that they think it's neat. You know, it's like, it comes from a place of, of interest, you know, not from a place of trying to be a little, you know, some.

00:04:21.820 It is. And I think most people that let's say somebody wears a traditional garment that a particular culture may wear. I think most of those individuals that come from that culture don't actually take offense to that. I don't think they read into it. I think they might look at somebody and say, that guy's an idiot. He's wearing that wrong or something, you know, but I think that's probably the extent of their angst.

00:04:47.060 And yet it's everybody else that thinks they have to come in and rescue other people. They can speak up for themselves. Everybody can speak up for themselves and their cultures and whatever individually. Like nobody has to come rescue anybody else, but this is the moral superior society that we live in. It's crazy.

00:05:03.840 I mean, I, I, let me ask you this. So if, if Washington Redskins changed their title to like Rednecks or like, I don't know, that would be awesome. More whiteys or something would actually go to the game and they would have pride in that. 0.90

00:05:20.840 They would, I would too. I would be like, yeah, that's awesome. That's a sweet name. Yeah, of course. Yes, of course. But whatever. All right. Well, should we answer some questions today? Yeah, let's do it with Facebook. These are coming from Facebook, right? Yes, sir. All right. All right. Let's get into it. Get after it.

00:05:41.580 Dad, Pillar Apparel. On the merchandise side of your business, what are the biggest hurdles you face concerning growth? Are you constantly streamlining your ordering and inventory process? Have you had to cut ties with silk screening and embroidery places because they could not meet your expectations?

00:05:57.280 And when quality controlling your orders, did you have to check your expectations for perfection at all? Because you would see every minute and every minute mistake. Thank you for your persistence in the work of this movement and shout out to Kip for showing up every week.

00:06:13.080 That was nice. Even though. Yeah, that was nice. Okay. Well, okay. So let's talk about the merchandise element of things because that is a big and a growing component of the business model, frankly.

00:06:22.860 So when I started, I worked with a local merchandise store that did a phenomenal job. And actually up until I would say the last six months, we worked with them exclusively. So we had business with them for nearly five years. And I'm still very satisfied with what they did. We moved away for a couple of reasons. I'll explain in a minute.

00:06:42.840 And then what we would do is we would have our merchandise, t-shirts, hats, everything shipped to a warehouse, a fulfillment warehouse. And so what that warehouse would do is they would charge me X amount of dollars per shelf that I needed based on our inventory quantities.

00:07:02.980 And then they would charge me per package. And then they would charge me per package. And it was just, it was, it was getting stupid. They would just, they were just nickel and diming me over every little thing. Well, you know, this isn't a traditional size package. So this is more.

00:07:15.920 And then I noticed the shipping boxes and containers that they were purchasing were, were more expensive than I could find via Amazon on my own. And then they were charging for that shelf space. And then I would actually have multiple orders that were getting sent back because they were fulfilled wrong, wrong size, wrong color.

00:07:36.520 So I told the people, I'm like, Hey, for every order that you get sent back, like, I'm not paying you for that. Like, Oh no, no, no. That's built into the contract. I'm like, I'm not paying you to do crappy work.

00:07:45.700 Uh, and then I started looking at their shipping rates. Their shipping rates were higher than what I just an individual at that time could get.

00:07:51.740 Yeah. So I like, it's not even a discount.

00:07:54.080 No, it's, and you would think a shipping warehouse would be able to get a discount or something.

00:07:59.480 Yeah.

00:07:59.840 They would actually make your life easier and it just became harder and harder.

00:08:02.680 So several years ago, I would probably say two years, maybe three, but probably right around two years ago, I, I reached out to this, this warehouse.

00:08:12.920 And I said, this fulfillment center, I think I should call it. It's probably the more accurate term. I said, look, I'm done.

00:08:18.560 Look, we're, we're bringing this in the house. My 11 year old son's going to do this. Oh yeah. I'll never be able to do it.

00:08:24.480 And, and he does a, he does a 10 times the job that they did.

00:08:28.980 So we brought it all in house. I continue to work with that same, uh, merchandise company and they would send it directly to us.

00:08:38.580 And we bought some shelves and we got our stamps.com account and got the printer.

00:08:44.180 The printer was the thing that I made a mistake on. We use the ink jet printer for a long time.

00:08:50.760 Yeah.

00:08:51.220 Because I didn't know any better. And then I looked at what stamps had and they had the, uh, the laser printer.

00:08:57.900 And I think I bought that for 200 bucks and it paid for itself. Cause I don't have to buy ink anymore.

00:09:03.300 It paid for itself in maybe two or three weeks.

00:09:06.420 Yeah.

00:09:07.180 So I wish I would have, yeah, I wish I would have known that, but that was a little mistake that we learned along

00:09:12.460 the way. Uh, and you don't buy your own boxes. We buy our own supplies, our own merchandise.

00:09:18.140 My son does that. He'll go through every week and he'll say, okay, you know, here's where we're at

00:09:21.940 with boxes. Here's where we're at with these different t-shirts or these different hats.

00:09:25.240 So my 13 year old now is going in, he's doing inventory. He's managing our supplies, tape boxes,

00:09:32.920 et cetera, et cetera. Uh, and then we started working with another merchandise company because

00:09:36.940 we were able to get a better deal on, on pricing on some shirts and hats, same, same quality,

00:09:43.680 say actually same products that we're using now. Yeah. Uh, and their turnaround time was quicker

00:09:49.100 than what we had experienced in the past. And as we grow and scale, we needed, we needed that to

00:09:53.400 happen. So right now we do it in the front room of our house, but we're probably going to be looking

00:09:59.040 at moving that to the attic, uh, because we're going to, we're, we're just outgrowing the front room.

00:10:04.760 And plus we just don't have the space up there. So we're going to move it into the entire attic

00:10:08.100 and that will be the, uh, the merchandise store up in the attic of the house, which would be cool.

00:10:11.600 Kind of a cool feel up there. When you get defects, do you return them back to how does that work?

00:10:18.000 Yeah, I usually, I actually don't, we don't get a whole lot of defects. I mean, I might've had a

00:10:21.840 couple here and there. It's just not that many. And we just spot check as we go. So as we ship an order,

00:10:28.820 we pull a shirt out and let's say it's a large and it's got some thread that we see that's,

00:10:32.500 you know, falling off or, or the coloring isn't right or whatever it might be. Then we'll just

00:10:36.480 set that one aside. We'll reach out to that person or the company. And usually they'll just credit us

00:10:41.720 is what they'll do and say, okay, well, it doesn't make sense to ship stuff. Yeah. Like, okay, you

00:10:46.160 paid $7 for that shirt. We'll just credit that shirt, you know, on your next order or whatever.

00:10:50.380 They're, they're really good to work with. So, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we do that. And, uh, the,

00:10:55.560 the, the store continues to grow and we continue to bring new products and services and

00:10:59.440 not services so much there in the store, but just products. And it's been really good. And it's

00:11:03.420 been a good relationship builder with my son. And he's learned a lot about how to run a business

00:11:06.760 and an organization and shipping. And I pay him per, per order. So every order that he ships out,

00:11:12.700 I, I pay him a set amount. And then we tallied at the end of the week and I pay him that and it goes

00:11:17.240 into his bank account and he's, he's crushing it. You know, he just bought that, uh, dirt bike last year

00:11:22.140 and he paid for it a hundred percent on his own. He saved for two years and bought that

00:11:25.400 with cash, which was pretty cool to go into the dealership and take care of that. So yeah,

00:11:29.660 it's been fun. It's been a really good process. It's cool. Um, I lied. These questions are from

00:11:34.840 these few are from Instagram and then we'll hop over to Facebook. Yeah. I was going to say,

00:11:38.960 that's weird. These names are, uh, don't make sense. Oh yeah. I got it. Okay, cool. Yeah. Uh,

00:11:45.460 Louie, uh, can Convery. Hey Ryan, I've always wanted to ask you this question. You're one of the only

00:11:51.300 few I listened to when it comes to masculinity and that I can appreciate and find a lot of value in,

00:11:56.820 but you probably are aware of the resentful alpha. I hate women and families red pill mindset that some 1.00

00:12:04.100 Instagram pages and coaches push. I wanted to know what are your thoughts and observations on

00:12:08.860 that side of masculinity? Uh, you know, I think any movement or any cause could naturally have a

00:12:16.020 tendency to go to the extreme. I actually think that's pretty natural. And so what you end up having

00:12:20.600 is you have this spectrum of people who believe one thing or the other, and then there's outliers.

00:12:25.640 And so there's always extremes. And I think when it comes to masculinity, uh, it's very easy for

00:12:31.600 misguided individuals and hurt individuals to take the concept of masculinity and define it or

00:12:39.920 perceive it as some alpha machismo bull crap that isn't actually going to serve anybody. And so

00:12:47.820 what it ends up becoming is the male equivalent of extreme feminism where victimhood group, right?

00:12:55.580 Men are victims. Everybody's out to get men. We got to stand on our own. We got to, uh, we got to

00:13:02.820 isolate ourselves. We've got to go our own way. We're not going to get into this. Women are all evil. 1.00

00:13:07.880 They're all out to get you. Society is stacked against you. And look, I think there's certainly

00:13:13.180 some elements of truth to that, that need to be considered every once in a while. I'll have

00:13:18.720 somebody who'll say, you know, you're talking about this, but you're painting yourself as a victim.

00:13:21.900 It isn't you, you're not painting yourself as a victim to acknowledge reality.

00:13:28.240 Victimhood is staying in this perpetual state of victimhood, but you're allowed to look at

00:13:35.820 what is stacked against you. You're allowed to look at the threats without, without being a victim.

00:13:41.220 It helps you equip yourself and arm yourself to get better, to improve, to, to put yourself in a

00:13:48.340 better position. But when you start thinking other people are the enemy and it comes at a detriment to

00:13:53.800 them and also to you, I think that's a problem. And that's where I see a lot of these alpha type

00:13:59.240 movements going is they've taken it so far to the extreme. It's, it's, it's attention grabbing.

00:14:06.000 It's attention seeking. It's marketing. It's attention porn is really what it is. Like let's

00:14:11.160 make everything outrageous so that we get more eyeballs. And honestly, I believe order of man

00:14:16.680 could be a little bit further down the tracks in some ways if we did that, but I've, I've never

00:14:21.300 really been like that. Like, I don't, I don't speak too much in hyperbole. I don't make things bigger

00:14:28.100 issues. Generally, occasionally I will, then they need to be. I don't try to get people riled up just for

00:14:35.300 the sake of riling people up and it doesn't get the attention that I see a lot of other people do.

00:14:40.160 So sometimes I don't know if people actually believe the bullshit that they're spewing or if

00:14:44.540 they're just using it as a marketing tactic to get more eyeballs on their thing, which I know a lot

00:14:49.780 of people do. I know I personally know people who do that. So, you know, it's a marketing tactic you

00:14:56.340 got to be aware of, but also it's a danger and it puts women against men and society, men against

00:15:02.240 society and, and it paints people as perpetual victims and men are not perpetual victims. We

00:15:07.560 need to be aware of what's going on and then we need to deal with it with a level of maturity and

00:15:11.580 masculinity that's going to help us excel and help the people that we care about excel. And sometimes

00:15:16.760 that just isn't as sexy as saying, Oh, women are bitches. Society is out to get us. That kind of 0.99

00:15:22.380 stuff. Yeah. Well, and because most people are victims and they would love to latch on to that

00:15:28.560 and go, Oh yeah, you're right. Yeah. Let's, let's not take responsibility. Let me just point the

00:15:32.920 finger. Yeah. Hmm. All right. The bearded truth. How important is it and why is it important for a

00:15:39.620 man to have imagine, uh, imaginative and creative spirit? And do you feel like this often is suppressed

00:15:45.460 or considered not manly in today's culture? I tagged this because of your Instagram post. Yeah.

00:15:51.680 Cause what was my Instagram? Oh, creativity. Yeah. Oh, uh, or curiosity. What was it?

00:15:57.680 I don't know. It was creative or curiosity. I kind of, I, I lumped them together. Sorry. But so

00:16:03.820 this is interesting. So he said that potentially creativity is, would not be considered manly.

00:16:11.460 Yeah. How, uh, do you feel like this is often suppressed or considered not manly in today's

00:16:19.040 culture? Uh, no, not at all. I mean, okay. So here's what I think when I think about like the

00:16:25.400 quintessential man, the stereotypical man, you think about this tough, rugged alpha, almost

00:16:31.740 archetype and, and he's physical and he's strong. Somebody that comes to mind would be like a firefighter,

00:16:37.580 for example, or, or, uh, a member of the military or a contractor. Well, all of those guys are

00:16:45.280 creative, you know, guys, men that are building homes. Like, yeah, they have their plans, but they

00:16:50.920 have those plans have to be designed. They have to be drafted. There's little nuances and things come

00:16:54.680 up where they have to adapt and all of that wall is actually not going to work like that. We need to

00:16:58.600 move it this way or change it or tweak it so that it actually stands and doesn't get in the way of

00:17:03.140 this military members as they're, uh, planning battle strategies. You know, they're planning for

00:17:07.980 contingents and what if this happens and what if that happens? And in this scenario where we haven't

00:17:12.000 planned for what do we do? Uh, firefighters, same, same concept. Fire is predictable in a lot of ways,

00:17:18.860 but also very unpredictable and, and, and not steady. And, and, and you're able to know exactly

00:17:24.320 what it's going to do. So you're going to have to be creative. How do you work with your team? How do you

00:17:27.600 communicate? If this happens, what do we do? How do we address it and deal with it? So creative creativity

00:17:32.760 is not gender specific. Like there's nothing to do with that at all. Now I, I think maybe where he's

00:17:40.720 going and I can definitely see this is that generally, I think that we tend to look at more

00:17:46.740 of the artistic types as not as masculine. I think that's might be where he's going with that.

00:17:52.400 Or we might look at art as more creative than these other things. Yeah. And we lose sight that

00:17:59.760 there's creativity in a lot of, a lot of jobs, not just playing music and singing and painting.

00:18:06.780 Yeah. But, but you know, it's funny because even artistically, you know, look around my office,

00:18:11.320 for example, and I've got this, this, this picture of the angel Michael, and I've got a poem right there

00:18:15.920 by my son. And I've got man in the arena or excerpt from man in the arena by Theodore Roosevelt.

00:18:20.400 I've got this wooden flag. I've got a poster over here. I've got an oil painted picture here.

00:18:24.900 Uh, I've got this YouTube, uh, award on my wall right here, which means that I created enough

00:18:30.760 content that people acknowledged what we did. And YouTube sent me that award because of it.

00:18:35.540 I've got a picture of my kids drew down here. Like art is everywhere and I've never considered it

00:18:41.140 not masculine. Yeah. You know? So I think you gotta be careful wrapping up, wrapping up masculinity and

00:18:49.640 femininity in this. Ideally, what you're trying to do as a man is to take your masculinity and

00:18:55.020 harness it into productive outcomes. And if it means that you're inspiring people through your art

00:18:59.820 or you're entertaining them through art, you know, think about an actor, uh, or, or a director who is

00:19:06.380 a masterful storyteller. We had Randall Wallace, for example, on the podcast who wrote the story of

00:19:12.300 Braveheart and told that story in, in, in a motion picture that I don't think anybody would consider

00:19:18.160 unmasculine. Yeah. Right. So yeah, you gotta be careful of painting yourself into these things

00:19:26.060 of saying, well, you know, like playing the guitar, that's not masculine or painting this

00:19:29.180 picture is not masculine. Even if it wasn't, who cares? Yeah. Like, do you have to be macho? Do you

00:19:35.580 have to be working on the car? Do you have to be exercising? Do you have to be firing a gun at every

00:19:41.100 minute of your life? No, of course not. I think some of that you should do. You should know how to

00:19:46.120 build something. You should know how to change the oil in your car. You should know how to lift

00:19:49.540 weights properly. You should know how to fire a gun. You should know that, but that doesn't mean

00:19:54.500 you need to do that stuff every waking hour of, of your life. You know, I'm building this canoe right

00:19:59.660 now. That's art. You know, I'm working with my hands and I'm being creative and we're problem solving.

00:20:04.380 And we're also following the instructions and do it. You know, there's, there's a lot to it and I

00:20:09.780 don't consider it unmanly. That's a thought that's never even crossed my mind. So it's not something I

00:20:16.000 really consider or care about actually. His other part of the question is, is how important is that

00:20:21.020 imaginative creative spirit? Do you think? Oh, it's huge. It's, I mean, it's huge. You know,

00:20:27.340 if all you ever do is follow the instructions and all you ever do is do what you're told to do and

00:20:32.480 you never branch out and you never explore and you never try anything new, life's going to be pretty

00:20:38.720 dull for you. You're going to be boring. You're going to be mundane. You're not going to be fulfilled.

00:20:43.540 You're not going to be excited because there's nothing to be curious about. There's no new skill

00:20:47.620 set that you need to learn. Uh, when you're, when you're faced with difficult problems in very real

00:20:53.320 circumstances, you won't know how to address them because you haven't been creative and you haven't

00:20:57.280 learned to flex that, that creative muscle. So yeah, I think you need to have some outlets to figure

00:21:04.120 some things out. And this can happen in a lot of different ways. It can happen in jujitsu. Sure.

00:21:09.160 You know, you got to be creative. Somebody's cranking on your leg or cranking on your neck.

00:21:13.020 Man, what do I need to do right here? And you've got to stop and breathe and think about it.

00:21:17.220 Or if you're, uh, writing a book, you know, you might be stumped somewhere and you need to figure

00:21:22.520 out, Hey, what's a better way to frame this? Or what story should I tell with this? Or,

00:21:26.580 or how can I communicate this effectively in a way that people will understand? These are all

00:21:31.120 applicable skills outside of the skillset or the task at hand. It transfers to other areas of your

00:21:38.500 life. So yeah, you got to have some creative outlets and not to mention, it's just fun.

00:21:43.220 It's just exciting. It's challenging. It's thought provoking. So that alone is enough for me to want

00:21:49.440 to engage in things that sound even remotely interesting. Yeah. I mean, we were talking,

00:21:54.240 uh, last week of the book that we're reading in the iron council, you know, it, it breaks down

00:21:59.300 motivation. One of the items that, that, that, uh, he breaks down what drives motivation is curiosity,

00:22:06.660 right. And creativity. Like there's a, there's a level of that needs to be involved in, in things

00:22:13.940 that we're passionate about. Right. Right. Cause that's good. Cause I don't know about you. Like

00:22:18.360 I I'll have these little stints where I'm kind of curious about something and I can, man, I can

00:22:23.020 exhaust a lot of energy around this thing that I'm kind of creative, you know what I mean? Or I'm

00:22:28.880 imagining or whatever. It has a sense of like, I don't know, like it comes with some drive and some

00:22:35.820 perseverance when I'm kind of attached to some new idea or a new concept. So, well, not only that,

00:22:42.680 it drives innovation too. Like who's the first human being who decided, who looked at, uh, let's

00:22:50.000 say lightning hit a tree and the tree caught on fire. And who's the first human being, whoever thought,

00:22:54.940 you know, I wonder if I could make that happen without having to wait for lightning.

00:22:58.480 Yeah. Or who's the first human being who, who looked at a rock around boulder and saw that maybe

00:23:09.000 that thing can help me move these logs easier. Or who's the first person who looked at a hundred foot

00:23:16.860 tree and decided I'm actually going to chop that down. And I'm going to, rather than look for the cave

00:23:22.820 that doesn't exist, I'm going to chop that down and I'm going to build this structure that I can,

00:23:29.640 that I can sleep in. And you know what? I know I'll actually want to chop that down,

00:23:33.540 but I don't know how I'm going to do that. Maybe if I took this rock and I chiseled it down and I

00:23:38.940 made a sharp edge of this rock and I could just whack it against that hard enough. And then somebody

00:23:43.500 thought, well, okay, I could hold it in my hand or I could put this long piece of wood on it and give

00:23:50.200 it leverage. And then that will help me actually multiply my strength to chop this tree down.

00:23:55.820 That's all creativity. Like somebody did that at some point, somebody thought of that first and

00:24:02.040 then utilized it. And gradually it grew and evolved and technology advances through creativity. So not

00:24:08.700 only is it helpful, it, it creates very real world applicable tools and technologies that we utilize,

00:24:17.040 which is, I think very masculine taking raw, uh, sources, taking, taking raw products and then

00:24:24.440 repurposing them in a way that will serve us. That's a very masculine thing.

00:24:31.660 That's cool. All right. Brands cog, when you speak of forming a tribe,

00:24:36.660 how many men does that consist of? Also, can that be family members such as cousins? I have two awesome

00:24:43.500 cousins in my corner that are strong, capable men. And how should I expand my tribe? If you recommend

00:24:48.700 it. So on the cousins thing here, here's what I would say. The, the term you used was creating a tribe,

00:24:55.380 creating creation to go back to what we were talking about earlier requires effort. It requires

00:25:02.300 intentionality. So your tribe shouldn't by default be whoever's around you because then you didn't create

00:25:11.580 it. It's just happens to be around you. Yeah. And sometimes that actually works out well. Like

00:25:16.820 your cousins are two high caliber guys. So good. I'm not saying you shouldn't have these guys as part

00:25:21.960 of your, your tribe, but now you're exercising intentionality. You're saying, these are two

00:25:27.360 members of my family who I'm very interested in building and developing a deeper relationship with

00:25:33.000 that. That's creation. That's intentionality. That's what we're talking about here. Now, when it comes

00:25:37.920 to how many people should be in your tribe, I don't know. I don't think there's any hard and fast rule

00:25:42.960 for that. If you have three guys in your corner who you guys talk on a regular basis, you do things

00:25:48.140 together, you challenge each other, you hold each other accountable. And there's two or three of you.

00:25:52.120 That's great. I think there's 30 of you that would be infinitely harder to do. But I would say if you

00:25:57.740 had three to maybe 10 guys who you, who you had relationships like this. And by the way, it doesn't

00:26:03.100 always mean that you're going to operate together. Like all 10 of us are going to get together.

00:26:06.320 Sometimes you have two guys like your cousins who you do things with, and then you have a couple

00:26:11.160 of other buddies who happen to engage and enjoy the same hobbies and recreation and activities as

00:26:15.780 you do. And there's two more there. And you have two more that you talk with from a spiritual

00:26:20.480 perspective, because they're at church and you guys are doing a men's group together, you know,

00:26:24.420 so they don't all have to interact and be there at once, but you might have different men for

00:26:31.400 different reasons. But again, you have to be intentional and deliberate about who it is as

00:26:36.000 opposed to just, Oh yeah, this is the guy I hung out with in high school. And like, we just kind of

00:26:39.540 never, never broke up, you know? Okay. Well, is that, is that serving you anymore? Well, if I think

00:26:45.200 about it, probably not, he's getting drunk every night and, and he's kind of a dick and he's kind of 0.71

00:26:50.200 a loser. Okay. Then probably that should be, you should have a different circle. I mean, help that guy to

00:26:55.880 the degree that you can, but probably should think about having a different circle or a different tribe of

00:26:59.960 people. Yeah. And you mentioned this in the past, Ryan, like maybe that's a different tribe for

00:27:05.300 different things, right? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And that, and that's fine. You know, there, there might be

00:27:10.420 reasons why you spend time with these guys and it doesn't cross over into here for whatever reason. Like

00:27:15.400 I have guys I hunt with, you know, and I'll, and I'll see them once, maybe twice a year and that's it. And we

00:27:21.320 hunt together and we have a great time and we give it, give each other a hard time and we hold each

00:27:24.920 other accountable and we enjoy the time while we have it. And then I don't see them for another

00:27:29.440 year and that's cool. You know, we'll text or message every once in a while, but that's really

00:27:33.740 the extent of our relationship. Yeah. Ryan has had a hard time finding really high caliber guys. So he

00:27:39.200 has to have multiple groups of guys that specialize in certain areas. So, well, it's, yeah, it's not that

00:27:45.180 I have a hard time finding them so much as there's just not many as high caliber as me. Yeah. And so it's

00:27:51.180 like scarce. It's, you know, it's really scarce for me to, to choose from regarding who I want

00:27:55.700 to have in my circle. I consider cutting you out just about every week. It's got to be tough.

00:28:04.060 All right. Proceed. That's a joke, by the way, guys, don't message me and say, Oh, you ran so

00:28:09.060 narcissist because somebody is such a jerk. He's so, he's so narcissistic. Get over yourself.

00:28:14.020 It's a joke. All right. Real rational foundation. What do you think that the, we already know the

00:28:20.420 answer. Do you think that the modern feminist movement has gone too far? If so, in what ways?

00:28:26.620 No, I think it's awesome. I think devaluing men and masculinity, uh, I think leading millions of

00:28:32.760 women to believe that they need to act to behave like men in order to be valuable, uh, is, is a very 0.92

00:28:38.580 good thing. I think that this meant not to embrace their feminine traits. Yeah. Well, I also think the 0.85

00:28:43.880 dismantling of the nuclear family is a wonderful thing for society. Uh, it's just an incredible 0.99

00:28:50.140 incredible, incredible movement that I'm so glad and feel so blessed and fortunate that we have

00:28:55.400 today. Yeah. It's, it's awesome. And, and the point is we'll all be able to make some more money,

00:29:00.800 appease the masses, get socially accepted and live unfulfilled lives. What could go wrong?

00:29:08.440 No, it's horrible, man. It's horrible. The modern feminist movement is vile. It's disgusting. 1.00

00:29:15.360 It is, it is, is anything but feminine. It does not appreciate and honor women, let alone men. 0.85

00:29:24.560 And it's, uh, it's an evil. It truly is an evil. I think give where it started with noble intentions

00:29:33.060 of making sure that women had equal rights and they were treated fairly. Yeah, of course, of course. 0.99

00:29:39.120 Like you were saying earlier about the red pill movement, right? Like some of these movements can

00:29:42.980 have great intentions initially, right? And then they can go off the beaten track and lose,

00:29:47.460 lose their vision and focus of what the original intention was. Yeah. But it's, it's now it's

00:29:52.420 violent. It's disgusting. And, uh, you know, it leads to abortion, which is murder. And it's just a

00:29:59.460 nasty, nasty thing. And you know what I've noticed is these hardcore feminists, they aren't happy. 1.00

00:30:04.260 They, they aren't grounded. They aren't feminine. They're angry and they're bitter and they're always

00:30:13.500 yelling. And they think that, uh, that other people are always out to get them. And other people are the,

00:30:18.500 the, the perpetrators of all these, these, these victim hoods. And, and, and it's just,

00:30:23.740 it's gross. And it's very destructive. It's destructive for women. It's destructive for men 0.99

00:30:29.760 and it's dangerous to society. And these people ought to be looked at as the loonies, the crazies 0.94

00:30:36.400 that nobody gives much attention to. It's a shame that this continues to grow in traction. But I think

00:30:42.280 part of what we can do as men is ensure that people know and see us acting as honorable men.

00:30:47.860 So that when one of these crazies says, well, men are the enemy. Another woman can say, I have no idea 0.93

00:30:52.620 what you're talking about. My husband leads with honor and integrity. Uh, the, the, the,

00:30:59.000 the man that I, I work with or work for is somebody who treats us with class and respect

00:31:05.760 and values what we bring to the equation. The, the man that the men that I sit with on, uh,

00:31:11.100 the school board care deeply about the children they're serving, uh, the coach that my, uh, son

00:31:17.660 or daughter, uh, plays for honors those kids and coaches them and gives them direction and guidance

00:31:24.820 and discipline. Like that's what more people need to see. And as more men behave that way.

00:31:31.380 And that's part of what we're doing here, obviously. And more women stand up for the men 1.00

00:31:36.320 who are doing those things. It shuts these gross, vile, disgusting people down, which is exactly what 1.00

00:31:42.300 should happen. Yeah. Let's see if there's anything you'd add, uh, to this guy's question based upon what

00:31:49.240 you just said. So possum after hours, he says, Ryan, I just entered into a courtship with a girl

00:31:53.960 and I'm learning to lead in a different context than usual, uh, than usual business context as I

00:32:00.900 usually do. Do you have any advice in a relationship? Is that what he's saying? Yeah. Yeah. Like maybe

00:32:05.920 he's leading at work, but now this is new, right? Uh, do you have any advice as to how to make her feel

00:32:11.920 heard and understood while leading out and making decisions that need to be made? Um, man, we've

00:32:19.280 talked so much about this. I don't, I don't know if I have any specific advice necessarily other than

00:32:23.880 it's funny when people say, how do I let her know she's listening or she's being listened to and heard

00:32:28.740 you listen to her. Like you just, you listen, you listen, you acknowledge, Hey, I hear you. I see you

00:32:35.560 struggling with this. And also here's how, you know, if somebody heard you, if they're acting on

00:32:42.440 what you shared. Yeah. So for example, if my wife came to me and she said, you know, Ryan, I don't

00:32:49.900 feel, uh, I don't feel the intimacy like I did in our relationship. I feel distant and, and cold.

00:32:56.200 Okay. I might've listened to that and I can tell her, I listened by saying, Oh, I understand. And I'm

00:33:01.260 sorry. You feel that way, et cetera, et cetera. But how does she know that she's heard? I'd be more

00:33:05.960 intimate with her. There's action. Yeah. Right. And then as I'm more intimate with her and I go out

00:33:10.440 of my way, because this actually tends to be me in a lot of ways with the intimacy thing, because I'm

00:33:16.300 more of a cold person. Like I don't, I don't need like I'm, I'm driving on. I don't need a whole lot

00:33:22.060 of that. And I have to be very aware of that because my wife does need that. And so it sounds funny to

00:33:27.460 say, but it's true. It's more work for me than maybe the average person, not as natural. So you

00:33:33.160 have to, I have to work at it because it would be very easy for me to just like charge through

00:33:37.800 everything and not even think about the romance or the intimacy or any of that. It's like, just go,

00:33:41.640 go, go, go, go, go, go. So I have to be very deliberate and intentional about that. And when I am,

00:33:46.100 she feels heard and the relationship improves. So listening is being present. Hearing is acting upon it.

00:33:54.300 And by the way, if you're leading, sometimes that means you need to actually act upon this stuff.

00:33:59.680 You're leading yourself, right? You're leading yourself. And you're also showing her that what

00:34:05.980 she's saying is valuable, that, that she is a valuable part of your life. And it will give you

00:34:12.100 credibility and authority in her eyes. When you ask her to listen to you, you know, there's things that

00:34:18.300 I've done in my life where I would expect or hope at least that my wife would listen and hear what it

00:34:23.360 is. I'm saying, and I promise you that it's better when I'm willing to listen and hear her

00:34:29.060 because she says, okay, well I'm valuable to Ryan and he's valuable to me. So when it's something

00:34:35.760 important that he's sharing and he's adamant about it, that I'm going to listen to it and act upon it

00:34:40.580 because clearly this is an important thing to him and the things that are important to me, he acts

00:34:45.540 upon those things as well. So even just the act of hearing and working on it is a leadership. I

00:34:52.500 hesitate to use the term strategy because it seems like you're gaming it, but it is a leadership

00:34:57.460 action. It's a leadership action to do that, to listen to other people. And if it's right and good

00:35:05.060 and you value what those other people are saying, then act upon it.

00:35:07.780 Yeah. I, to add, you know, a couple of things came to mind when you're saying to listen, I can't

00:35:13.720 help but think of Stephen Covey, right? Seek first to understand then to be understood. So I think it's

00:35:18.880 listening is understanding what they're saying, not just listening. Um, and I think part of that,

00:35:26.040 which has been a present for me of late is understanding the desired outcome.

00:35:30.720 And because sometimes, you know, uh, like I might get a request from you, Ryan, and you might say,

00:35:37.800 Hey, Kip, I need you to do X, X, X. And that's great. And I can act on that. But what's even more

00:35:43.220 powerful is if I said, well, Ryan, what's the outcome you're looking for? That way, if those actions

00:35:50.900 line up to it, awesome. If they don't, I still know what the desired outcome is and I provided clarity.

00:35:57.580 So now I can pivot and adjust as necessary because we're on the same page of, of the vision,

00:36:03.720 the desired outcome, not just the, the tangible results, right? Your, your, your, your spouse

00:36:09.700 could easily say, honey, you know, we don't spend enough time together. I think we should go on,

00:36:14.860 you know, we should, we should spend more time together. Well, that's maybe, maybe not the desired

00:36:19.480 outcome. The desired outcome is I want you to pay attention and understand me better or whatever,

00:36:24.900 you know, you could say, yeah, we'll spend more time together. Let's go clean the garage. You

00:36:28.700 know, it's like, let's go do errands together. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's not what she's looking

00:36:32.500 for. Right. So, so make, you know, seek to understand and then, and make sure that you're

00:36:37.440 clear on the desired outcome. I think that would be huge. Yeah. Yeah. There's another thing, as you

00:36:42.280 said that, so as let's take the relationship, what we have, the, the, the dynamic here, Kip, between you

00:36:47.460 and I, if, if I asked you to do something, I mean, ultimately I, I am the ultimate decision maker in,

00:36:53.540 in the scenario in this instance, right? So if I came to you and I said, Hey, I need you to do X, Y,

00:36:58.180 and Z. There's a couple of things here from, from the leadership perspective. Number one, it's always

00:37:04.480 going to be in my interest to give you the authority to ask that kind of question, right? Like, okay,

00:37:13.060 well, what is the objective of the ultimate objective? Another great question that I need

00:37:18.080 to be open to receiving is, would you mind if I shared a couple of other strategies that might

00:37:23.960 actually help you accomplish the same thing with, with a better result? I would love for Kip, you to

00:37:30.200 be able to say that if that came to me, see, some guys won't do that because it represents a threat to

00:37:34.260 their, their ego and their pride. But if you came to me and said, Oh, you know what? Yeah. You asked me to

00:37:38.660 do X, Y, and Z, but I've had this situation happen in the past. And I did this, I did a,

00:37:43.740 B and C, and it actually worked out better. Then I need to give you the, the, the ability to ask that

00:37:50.700 kind of questions and to have that dialogue. And then also I need to let go of my own ego enough

00:37:55.560 to say, Hey, you know what, Kip, you, you seem to know more than I do about this. Why don't we roll

00:37:59.900 with a, B and C we'll circle back in a couple of weeks and see how it's working. If it's not,

00:38:05.380 if it is, or what we need to tweak or adjust from there. But, uh, yeah, I appreciate you

00:38:09.100 bringing that to the table. And then I made the decision as the leader to go with your

00:38:13.440 recommendation. Cause you know what it is you're doing. Yeah. Well, and not only that, like what's

00:38:18.860 the probability of me being accountable and taking ownership over that idea, right? Skyrockets. Yeah.

00:38:28.140 Significantly better. Significant versus you saying, no, no, no, Kip do A, B, C, and D in this way.

00:38:33.640 I might even disagree with it. I might even slightly undermine it. You know, if, if our

00:38:39.340 relationship isn't one where I can say, Hey, what's the desired outcome? Can we take this another

00:38:44.220 approach or maybe another strategy? Like I might undermine you and think, ah, I, maybe this is going

00:38:50.480 to fail, you know, and I knew we, we should have done it some other way, you know, because I, it wasn't

00:38:55.400 my idea. I wasn't even part of the decision, you know? Well, and here's another thing that could

00:38:59.640 happen. So I come in and tell you, tell you, we're going to do X, Y, and Z. And you're like,

00:39:02.720 that is stupid. You're thinking to yourself, we should not be doing that. And then you're

00:39:06.040 bent out of shape and you're pissed off the whole time. Cause you just acted on it. Right.

00:39:09.460 Cause I didn't give you any of that authority. Right. So you just did it. Well, you're, you

00:39:13.820 actually might be doing it with a false or incomplete set of data. Yeah. Now, if you came

00:39:21.640 to me and you said, Hey, Ryan, I can do X, Y, and Z, but it would help me if I knew why.

00:39:25.980 And I told you all the things it might enlighten you as to why, Oh yeah, that's actually a good

00:39:31.600 point. I only had 60% of the picture. Ryan had another 40 and then he shared it with me

00:39:36.880 and X, Y, Z is actually a good idea. So I feel good. Now I'm now I'm bought in. Yeah. Yes.

00:39:42.880 Right. Yeah. Totally. I like it. All right. Jiminy. I don't even know why I'm trying to

00:39:50.020 pronounce Jiminy, Jiminy, nor only, uh, Mr. Mickler. I work overnights. Time management is

00:39:56.420 essential. I make time. How do you utilize time better for effective results with work,

00:40:02.120 play, family, and rest? What is Mr. Mickler strategy of time management? I actually, I really

00:40:07.660 like time blocking where I know for this period of time, I'm going to be doing this thing.

00:40:12.500 Like whether it's answering emails, doing a podcast on social media, responding, or it

00:40:18.940 might just be that, Hey, from five to eight o'clock this evening, I'll give you an example

00:40:22.700 tonight. I know what I'm going to be doing tonight. I already have it mapped out. I have

00:40:26.020 it planned out. I'm going to get done with work. I'm going to go train jujitsu. I'm going

00:40:29.800 to get home about seven 38 o'clock. I'm going to tuck the kids in, say goodnight. My wife

00:40:34.380 and I are going to spend some time together talking about some different plans and trips that we

00:40:38.080 have coming up because we knew we needed to talk about this. And then I have to actually have

00:40:41.780 to hop on another call this evening at 10 o'clock. It's kind of a late night for me.

00:40:45.240 It's not usually like that, but it's already planned out. Yeah. Like there's no, there was

00:40:50.920 no hesitancy in me telling you that because I already know, like it's, it's already mapped

00:40:55.200 out. I know you and I are going to do this. And then at a two o'clock, I've got a podcast

00:40:59.600 at three 30. I've got another podcast. I could run through my entire day with you without

00:41:03.360 hesitation. It's all written down. I got it all right here and I got it on my Google calendar.

00:41:06.720 It's already written down. So how do you manage your time more effectively? That's what you do.

00:41:10.600 You plan it and you block it out and you give yourself the, the, the information you need

00:41:16.060 to be able to execute effectively. But you also, one thing I I've learned over the years

00:41:20.820 is you have to put little buffers in because if you don't put buffers in, if you're just

00:41:24.900 stacked, task, task, task, task, task, task, some tasks take longer, some take shorter.

00:41:29.760 There might be a little mini fire or a priority that comes up between tasks that if you give

00:41:34.780 yourself a little buffer, you can take care of it, but the buffers are, are really important

00:41:39.520 as well. So I would say you need to have a calendaring system. You need to have a way

00:41:43.040 for managing that calendar. You need to have buffers built into place and you need to look

00:41:47.660 at this thing every single day. And by the way, I do it at the, at the end of the day

00:41:51.060 to the workday that is. So I'll look at my calendar and I'll say, okay, well, I got everything

00:41:54.880 done. Uh, and, and tomorrow I need these things. So I'm just going to plug these in here.

00:41:59.740 So I plug them in. And then when I wake up in the morning, I look at it again and it

00:42:04.100 may be a hundred percent, right? And I'm going to roll with it. Or I might need to adjust

00:42:07.080 and tweak based on things that have come up overnight or things that I thought about that

00:42:10.660 I didn't previously consider. So I'm looking at it every morning and every night without

00:42:15.760 fail. And it's, it's been, it's worked great for me when I do it like that.

00:42:21.900 That end of day tasks, I think are critical. Yeah. Mostly because yeah. And, and you don't

00:42:28.780 know, like for like when I think about work, for instance, cause we do some, we do some of

00:42:34.740 this training for our employees just recently. And one of the things that we recommend is

00:42:39.240 before you wrap up your work day, look over any urgent emails, any urgent tasks and adjust

00:42:45.700 your work calendar for tomorrow before you leave for work. And the reason why is what

00:42:51.880 that allows me to do is hop in my car and then be present with my family.

00:42:56.420 Total presence. Yep. And then just be a hundred percent focus on them. Not in the back of my

00:43:00.700 head, like, Oh shit, I really need to still do that. Or I need to double check this calendar

00:43:05.380 or, Oh, I never replied back to this other guy. It's like, and that's kind of time blocking.

00:43:09.180 Like when you're done with work, you're done with work, right? When you're spending time

00:43:12.900 with the family, spend time with the family. So I think that's been huge for me. One hack

00:43:18.080 because I think some guys, and I'm not saying this is true for this guy, but I think some

00:43:22.980 people think I don't have time. They're like, you know, it's impossible. I don't have any

00:43:27.800 time. I remember one of the busiest times in my life. I had, I said that, and I, I don't

00:43:34.100 even remember the book or even if it was someone that told me this, they're like, track your

00:43:38.220 time for a week, 15 minute increments and log how much time you spend doing whatever

00:43:43.640 at the end of the week. I was like, Holy crap. I have tons of time. Yeah. I have tons

00:43:49.580 of time. Right. I spent, you know, this much time playing on my phone. I spent this much

00:43:54.500 time watching TV. I spent this much time doing nothing. You know, it's like, we, we have

00:44:00.040 time. Usually that's not the issue. So if you feel that way, log your time and see where

00:44:04.760 it's going. And then, you know, if you might be different than me and you might say, geez,

00:44:09.480 it's really, it's really tight. Okay. Well then what are you giving up? And now you can

00:44:13.680 make a choice. Now you can prioritize, right. And make an adjustment and figure out what,

00:44:17.960 where the priority sits. And, and that's a, that's a very refreshing feeling. You know,

00:44:22.500 even before we started recording this podcast, Kip, you asked if my wife and I could come visit

00:44:26.380 for this thing. And I, I said, no, I'm going to make the decision on that and say, no, we're

00:44:30.140 not going to do that. He didn't even consider it. He was just like, no, no, not doing it.

00:44:34.760 But I know I look, we have our calendar, we know our plans. And so I can say yes and no.

00:44:39.720 And then we ended up working. She's still got that bang energy drink, man. I got to get you 0.88

00:44:43.800 some, uh, some go to you. It looks like I here. I'll lean over, lean over this way.

00:44:48.920 There you go. Yeah. When you take a drink. Yeah. Um, but yeah, so I know, and then I can,

00:44:53.960 I can make those decisions with all of the information at hand and feel good about my decisions.

00:44:59.520 Like I can tell, you know, and I could feel good that, yeah, I would have liked to have gone

00:45:03.140 and done that thing, but I feel good about making that decision. Cause that was the right decision

00:45:07.160 based on everything else that my wife and I have going on. Totally. Totally. Well, and the last

00:45:12.420 thing I think on that is, and then I'll maybe drive on from here, but, uh, imagine you're reading a

00:45:17.740 book, you're reading a novel or even a series. So I've got Jack cars coming on the podcast. We're

00:45:21.380 recording this afternoon. And I want you to imagine for a second that you pick up his first book and you

00:45:26.100 read the entire thing. You read 80, 80 to 85% of it, but you don't read the last chapter and you're like,

00:45:31.200 oh, the new book came out. So I don't need to worry about that last chapter. I'm just going to

00:45:34.580 go right to the next book. You wouldn't do that. Right. You would read the thing for the most part,

00:45:39.320 you'd read the thing in its entirety. And then you would move because it's sequential. That's how

00:45:44.280 it's supposed to be done. It's the same thing with your day, capping your day, just like a novel.

00:45:49.520 It has a beginning, it has a middle, and it has an end. And you have to go through the entire process

00:45:54.660 because when you close it out, that's a beautiful thing. You feel accomplished. You feel like you got

00:45:59.540 something done. You get to reset. You get to take a break if you need to, just like you would

00:46:04.340 at home. You work from eight to six o'clock. You're done. You got it all done. You feel good

00:46:09.460 because you closed the book and you capped your day. And then you go home and you play and you

00:46:13.780 wrestle and you eat dinner and you laugh and you tell jokes and stories and talk with each other

00:46:17.480 because you have the emotional and mental freedom, clarity of focus to be able to do that because

00:46:26.520 you're not thinking about the book you haven't finished reading. Yeah. Yeah. And you get that

00:46:30.900 little dopamine, you know, it's like, oh, bam, finished, done. Next book. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

00:46:37.080 Let's take a couple more. All right. Perk Chuck, thank you guys for all the work.

00:46:43.580 I just grabbed all the ones where they say thank you at the beginning. I have no idea what the

00:46:47.100 questions are. I like that. So thank you guys for all the work that you put into this. Order Man has

00:46:51.040 been a huge help in getting me to understand how and where I am failing and how to pick up and keep

00:46:55.980 moving after. My favorite aspect is to see the basic truths and how it transcends platforms and

00:47:02.220 people and is just straight up truth. Ryan, thank you for leading this movement. Kip, thank you for

00:47:08.060 the awful jokes and the counter perspective you always have. You know what? Next question.

00:47:14.580 Screw you, buddy. Here's this question. When it comes to those moments to choose between something

00:47:21.160 of pleasure, i.e. chips and salsa. I like how he related that towards you. What do you mean?

00:47:27.400 Chips and salsa. Just saying. How do you get to a place where including this is the exception and not

00:47:34.740 the norm? Does it just take time and repeated no's or did a switch just flip for you? Thank you.

00:47:42.440 For me, it takes rules, man, because I will not be able to resist.

00:47:46.420 Yeah. I think it's different for everybody, right? Some people can do the, you know, it's not a big

00:47:52.000 deal. And other people are like, you know, I don't visit Mexico because there's too much salsa and

00:47:56.740 salsa and chips down there, you know? Okay. They just stay out of Vegas, you know? Yeah. Apparently

00:48:02.360 they don't, they didn't make their way across the border. Huh? Okay. So yeah, I think you're right.

00:48:09.040 I think different temptations for different people. If there was a, in fact, there is, there's cake

00:48:12.860 sitting on my counter right now. My, my favorite cake, carrot cake, it's sitting right on the

00:48:16.860 counter and it's not actually a temptation form. It's my favorite cake and I can walk right by it.

00:48:22.000 I can look at it like that looks good. And then just keep walking. I don't need to have the carrot

00:48:26.440 cake, but if there was a big chips, a big bag of chips and salsa right there. Yeah. Hell yeah. I

00:48:32.640 would eat all and not just one. I would eat all of it. So you put rules in place to keep yourself

00:48:38.580 from doing the things that you would otherwise do. This is discipline, right? It's, it's, you know,

00:48:44.180 you have willpower, you have motivation, you have willpower, and then you have discipline,

00:48:48.540 which I think is similar to willpower. And then you have systems and systems are even better.

00:48:54.160 Everybody's like, Oh, screw motivation. Discipline's where it's at. No screw discipline.

00:48:57.900 That's fleeting. Rules are where it's at. Yeah. Rules, systems, processes, so that you don't have

00:49:05.640 to deplete your willpower. You know, if there's, if there's exercise equipment, if there's a pull

00:49:11.100 and there's not, but let's whoops, that's my earbud there. If there was a pull-up bar hanging

00:49:17.340 right there, do you think I would do more or less pull-ups throughout the day? If there was a pull-up

00:49:21.420 bar in my office, you would just do a pull-up every so often, if it just sits there, that's what you

00:49:26.440 would do. There's a kettlebell here. There's my, uh, my war clubs from origin over there. If they're

00:49:32.460 sitting right on my desk and it's no surprise to me that I use them more often than if they were

00:49:38.280 sitting somewhere else where I wouldn't have easy access to those things. Okay. So James clear talks

00:49:43.940 a lot about this in his, in his book, atomic habits, making the things that you want to do easier,

00:49:49.460 less friction and more friction to the things that you don't want to do or shouldn't be doing.

00:49:56.560 So if you want to drink all the alcohol, probably shouldn't have all the alcohol in your house.

00:50:00.380 Yeah. That's, that's friction. And that's good. If it's something that you don't want to attach

00:50:05.660 yourself to. Yeah. When you can create friction, you know, one of the things, uh, that's what you

00:50:10.700 should, I don't know. I don't know why it happened, but like a year ago, I just, I was eating a good

00:50:16.160 cookie. I love cookies. And I said, Hey, Hey babe, how many calories is that cookie? And she told me,

00:50:22.940 and I'm like, how long would I have to run to undo that cookie? I just ate. She's like,

00:50:29.000 right. That's about three miles. And I'm like, that's not worth that cookie.

00:50:31.980 Three miles. No way, man. So if you say a quarter of a mile, I'm in, I'm on it. No problem.

00:50:38.200 Yeah. But if you translate cookies to running, you're like, screw that. I am not eating thin

00:50:43.300 mitts, right? That's a marathon. If I eat that box, no way.

00:50:47.320 Well, that's your problem. You're talking about thin mints. Now, if you were talking about those

00:50:51.200 little ones with, uh, I can't remember what are they tag? What's the ones, the chocolate ones

00:50:55.220 with peanut butter in the middle? Oh, uh, Samoans, the Samoans, no, Samoans are the, 0.96

00:51:00.560 the, no, aren't Samoans the coconut ones with the stuff on top. Okay. So that's

00:51:06.640 peanut butter in the middle. Yeah. They're like little chocolate deliciousness. They're like

00:51:13.200 with these, with peanut butter, but they have peanut butter just in the middle. And it's like a,

00:51:18.140 it's like a cookie and it's got peanut butter in the middle and it's got the, the chocolate over it.

00:51:23.740 I don't know. I would, I would run a few miles for some of those for sure.

00:51:28.100 Oh, okay. I see. I'm all about the shortbread shortbread cookies. I'm like, Ooh, no, I'll run

00:51:33.380 a marathon. Samoans, Samoans don't even tempt me at all. Put coconut on there. You just ruin it. 0.94

00:51:38.720 But like that's friction of like, get it out of the house, but also like creating meaning around it.

00:51:43.840 It's like, okay, I'm going to create friction. If I eat that cookie, I gotta, I gotta counter those

00:51:49.220 calories. Am I willing to do that? Yes or no. Right. Right. So create friction where you think

00:51:55.480 it should exist and eliminate friction where you think it shouldn't. Yeah. Okay. Last question.

00:52:01.920 Let's do it. Bob Ross. And this is a little word hopping into Facebook and this is similar,

00:52:06.960 but I want to bring it up because it was similar to a previous question. Maybe you'd add some things

00:52:10.820 to this. Thank you for what you both do. How do you prioritize family, work, house responsibilities

00:52:16.500 when you have more to do than possible? I feel I do a good job, but it bothers me when I can't get

00:52:22.540 everything done and I have to cut from my to-do list. Well, so the first thing you need to do. So

00:52:28.420 let's think about anxiety for a minute. I know this isn't necessarily an anxiety question,

00:52:34.180 but I just, I want you to wrap your head around anxiety. It feels like anxiety when you look at that

00:52:37.740 to-do list and you're like, it's impossible. Yeah. And where does that stem from?

00:52:41.600 Unmet or unrealized expectations. That's where anxiety comes from.

00:52:46.980 It should be this way. My life should be this, this list should be-

00:52:50.240 Or it should have. It should have been this. You can do it in the past and you can do it in the

00:52:54.860 future, right? Yeah. It should be this way. I'm stressed out because I know it's not going to be

00:52:58.740 this way. And so I'm anxious and now I have anxiety or I didn't perform the way I thought I

00:53:04.980 should, expectation, and I fell short, unmet, expectation. And now all I can think about is how

00:53:10.620 horrible my previous performance was instead of being present in the moment. That's where anxiety

00:53:14.580 stems from. It's unrealized expectations or unmet expectations. So what can you do? Well,

00:53:20.200 there's only really a couple of things. You can either meet your expectations or you could change

00:53:24.700 your expectations. Those are the only two things you can do. And that will eliminate anxiety.

00:53:29.420 How do you know you're not bowing out of those expectations?

00:53:33.380 Well, it's, it's hard because- Like taking the easy path. You know what I'm saying?

00:53:36.120 Yeah. Yeah. And, and I, I don't know. I don't know, but you know.

00:53:40.580 Yeah. Right. We all know like, yeah, if I really think about it, I would just kind of being lazy.

00:53:46.940 Yeah. I do think there's a price to be paid here though.

00:53:51.940 What do you mean? Well, I mean, you're, you just explained me, right? Asia and I were just talking

00:53:59.240 about this last weekend. If you were up to me, we'd probably go on no family vacations. There'd be no

00:54:03.920 fun or enjoyment and our lives would be very orderly and effective. And we'd all die miserable

00:54:12.180 with, with crappy relationships. Right. Right. If it were up to my wife, we would have, 1.00

00:54:17.960 we lived a heyday life with chaos. You would have, and you would have, you know,

00:54:23.700 bounced that last, that last check right before you guys signed out of this life and

00:54:28.200 everything would have been good. Yeah. Yeah. And she would be happy with that approach. And I would be

00:54:33.580 like anxiety. Right. Right. And, and, and so I, I have, I love how I just stole Bob's question and

00:54:41.400 made it my own here. So, but, but this is me. I, I am, I'm anxious. Like that garage needs cleaned

00:54:48.420 up, man. I got, I got these 40 things that need to get done at the house. There's these other things

00:54:52.960 that I'm progressing at work. And, you know, I feel torn thin. I don't have enough time. I'm

00:54:58.840 balancing these things and I'm stressed. I do feel that I can meet my expectation,

00:55:05.180 but it comes at a price. And the price is I'm not spending any time with my family. I'm probably

00:55:13.560 irritable. I'm probably walking around the house pissed off because I got my expectations met and

00:55:20.060 then it got disrupted by everybody. And that they didn't put that thing away. They, they didn't do

00:55:26.480 this. They didn't keep my expectation going, you know, so I could get that moment of like,

00:55:32.840 oh yes, I got it all resolved. I'm, I'm in the clear, but it's short lived and it comes at a price

00:55:40.180 of how I show up in my, in my life. Well, there's a couple of things. I mean, yeah. And, and I,

00:55:45.820 I very much relate with that, you know, and, and, and I would say there is, there are opportunities

00:55:50.700 to enlist people in your expectations. And as a father and a leader of your community and family

00:55:55.480 and business, you should be doing that. You know, I have, I have an expectation, my wife and I,

00:55:59.640 for example, on the way the house is to be kept. And if we didn't have that expectation and then

00:56:04.260 expect people to meet it, the house will be complete chaos with four kids and it would be

00:56:09.840 clutter and it would be gross. Totally butting heads, right? That's right. So we've communicated

00:56:14.520 the standard. We have talked about it. There are consequences for not upholding it. And we've enlisted

00:56:18.760 the people who will be impacted by our decisions in the expectation that is important,

00:56:23.480 but there's another thing tier two. And sometimes it's just as simple as asking yourself,

00:56:27.640 what is most important right now? Yeah. You know, so for, for example, this weekend I was

00:56:33.560 outside, we're rebuilding these, uh, what are called canoe cradles. So when we flip the canoe over,

00:56:38.620 they basically sit in this cradle so that we can fiberglass the inside of the hall.

00:56:43.180 So I'm sitting there, we're building these just a frame that it sits in. That's right.

00:56:47.280 That's all it is. It's like a two stands, one for each end. And it just sits on some carpet. That's

00:56:52.860 that's held up, uh, in the stands. So we're building these. I'm really excited about it.

00:56:59.140 I want to get these done. I've been thinking about them for a couple of days because next week we're

00:57:02.440 going to flip the canoe over and put them on this thing. So I know I need to get this done. So I'm

00:57:05.800 doing it. And my daughter's like, Hey, um, I want to show you something. I'm riding my bike. I want to

00:57:10.460 show you something. What's my knee knee jerk reaction is like, I don't want to see it right

00:57:16.280 now because I'm building these and I want to do this thing. Yeah. Instead, I fortunately,

00:57:21.600 and I don't always get it right. Very rarely do I get it right. Instead I said, what's the most

00:57:27.100 important thing right now. And the most important thing right now is to go outside for two minutes,

00:57:35.100 even though I'm in the middle of doing this thing that I wanted to do. And it's for me and

00:57:39.180 everything else. And I've thought about it for a couple of days. Now, the most important thing

00:57:43.500 in this moment is that I go outside and I watched my daughter do her thing on her bike. It's probably

00:57:50.720 silly. It's probably not. I'm trying to say this quietly. It's because she's probably out there.

00:57:55.600 It's probably not really all that amazing, but it's important to her. Yeah. It's important to her.

00:58:03.780 And therefore the most important thing in that moment for me was to let her know that what it was

00:58:10.960 important to her was important to me. And by the way, sometimes that's not always the case. You know,

00:58:18.060 I might be in the, in the middle of a very important cut, for example, or I might be on this podcast.

00:58:22.760 I can hear my kids out there right now. They're playing around, they're playing Legos. They're probably

00:58:26.840 wrestling. They're doing all kinds of stuff. Maybe having lunch here shortly. What's the most important

00:58:31.980 thing for me right now? Well, frankly, the most important thing for me right now is to be on this

00:58:36.360 podcast Kip with you because if it wasn't, I'd be doing something else, but I've communicated that to

00:58:41.260 my kids. They know it is. And they know that when I'm done, I get to go sit down and have lunch with

00:58:45.540 them and play and talk and do what we do. But this is the most important thing right now. So I ask that

00:58:52.440 question a lot, you know, what's the most important thing I can be doing? And as I pull up my planner

00:58:57.080 every single morning, I'm going to look and say, okay, well, what's the most important thing to get done

00:59:01.500 right now today? And then I do it. And then I go back through the list and I say, what's the next

00:59:07.380 most important thing? Oh, that I need to do. Okay, good. Do that. And I keep working through that list.

00:59:12.840 And at the end of the day, 90% of the time, because I don't always get it right. I feel pretty darn good

00:59:17.100 about getting my work done, executing my calendar, getting after my tasks, knocking out a whole bunch

00:59:23.380 of these in day one. And then I'm able to fully engage and be present for my family and other aspects of

00:59:29.940 my life. I love it. What's the quote, better, best, you know, what I'm talking about?

00:59:39.620 I just heard like good, good, better, best, but I don't know if there's a good, but don't let,

00:59:44.320 don't let better like sacrifice your best or I don't know.

00:59:50.100 Yeah. I mean, there's, there's the, you know, like good is good as the enemy of great and things like

00:59:53.660 that. I think they're all kind of along the same lines of, you know, don't settle. A lot of people

00:59:58.880 have, you know, it's good. It's okay. I'm not interested in that.

01:00:02.200 I should be doing this, but it's not the, the thing you should be doing. Yeah.

01:00:06.920 Or, or you've done something and you know, as we're, again, I'm going back to the canoe

01:00:12.100 because there's so many lessons there, you know, I was working on it and it wasn't great. The epoxy,

01:00:16.760 the third coat of epoxy we did wasn't great. And my wife came down. I'm like, well, take a look at it.

01:00:21.320 And she came down and she's like, it's amazing. It looks so great. You did so good. I'm like, no,

01:00:25.300 no, I really didn't. It doesn't look good. I don't like it. She's like, well,

01:00:27.780 you've never done it before. I don't care. That's not a reason for it to be less than I'm

01:00:32.840 capable of. So we redid it. And now it looks significantly better. I'm very proud of the

01:00:38.060 way that it turned out because I'm not going to settle for it because I know it's like, well,

01:00:42.400 I've never done it before. So I guess like, it's okay. No, it's not okay.

01:00:45.680 Well, it's going to bother you too. You'd be like a third coat of epoxy.

01:00:49.640 Right. Right. And it's not okay. It's not, it's not, it's not okay to do less than you're capable of.

01:00:55.460 Yeah. I know we need to afford ourselves some grace and things are, and to go back to

01:00:59.540 expectations, things are going to take longer and they're going to be harder and they're not

01:01:03.720 going to turn out the way that you like. So yes, you have to be aware of those, those things,

01:01:07.960 but also do your best. Yeah. The best you can do, do that.

01:01:13.300 To, to, to clear that all up, I, and maybe wrap that up. I like that because, you know,

01:01:19.500 do your best. And then we talked about expectations, like, you know, might have unrealistic

01:01:23.640 expectation or not unrealistic, but certain expectations are. I mean, Matt, what's great

01:01:28.360 about what you said earlier, it's being aware of them. So you can prioritize and do your best.

01:01:34.900 Yeah. That that's really what resetting expectation is, is saying, okay, well, hold on. It's assessment

01:01:40.220 is what it is. It's saying, okay, these are the things that I'm wanting to get done, but are they

01:01:45.160 the things I should be doing? Are they in the top priority? And then getting clarity around it versus

01:01:50.860 this, you know, this natural tendency that we have in life of like, well, I'll just do it more.

01:01:55.420 Or I, you know what I mean? I can have it all. It's like, no, there's a, there's a price for all

01:01:59.080 things. So what are you willing to adjust? What's the priority? And then do your best in those things

01:02:04.240 that you've identified. Right. Yeah. You don't have to do it all. Right. Yeah. And sometimes we,

01:02:09.720 as men believe we do have to do everything. No, you have to make conscious decisions. And sometimes you

01:02:15.080 have to say, no, like I was talking to you earlier about, you know, sometimes I would have loved to

01:02:19.220 have gone and done that, but that's not in the cards right now. I'm not getting, no.

01:02:23.520 And my nose or nose and my yeses or yeses. And whenever I do anything, but that I always,

01:02:28.900 I always feel crappy about it because I either let something go or I feel guilty because I feel like

01:02:34.300 I should be doing something else or I let somebody down my nose or nose, my yeses or yeses. And it's

01:02:39.940 so much better that way. Yeah. And you're not being fully committed. I I'm assuming a lot of those

01:02:44.440 cases where you're trying to, you know what I mean? Take on too much. Yeah, definitely.

01:02:48.400 All right. Well, cool. Well, let's wrap it up. Yep. Yep. So we got the,

01:02:52.620 we filled our questions today from Instagram as well as from our Facebook group. Yeah. That Facebook

01:02:57.880 group to join us there, go to facebook.com slash group slash order of man to follow Mr. Mickler on

01:03:03.540 Instagram, go to at Ryan Mickler. That's M I C H L E R. And it's a new quarter as of, well,

01:03:12.120 our new quarter in the iron council starts today. Yeah. So it's not too late. If you want to band with us,

01:03:18.380 in the second quarter of highly effective, uh, highly effectiveness, um, and be held more

01:03:24.920 accountable and to drive forward, join us in the iron council, that's order of man.com slash iron

01:03:31.100 council to learn more. Um, also related to what we do in the iron council is our battle plans and you

01:03:38.460 can, um, pick up your battle planner from our store. Actually, hold on before you say that, let me,

01:03:44.300 let me, let me plug something else along those lines. Yeah. Check out our new battle planning app.

01:03:49.280 Yep. Yep. Go check that out. If you go to 12 week battle planner, the number 12, so 12 week battle

01:03:54.980 planner, it's going to pull up the option for Android and Apple devices. And you can pull up the

01:04:00.460 digital battle planner, which is a very, very cool and comprehensive app to keep you on track this

01:04:05.480 quarter. Yeah. And that's the app that we use within the iron council. So if you can't join us in

01:04:11.660 the IC, but you kind of want to join us on this path of, of being more effective men, just download

01:04:17.400 that, that battle planner app, you know, and start the new quarter today. So, um, and as always band

01:04:23.900 with us, help, uh, drive the movement. You can do so by subscribing to the podcast, subscribe to the

01:04:30.620 YouTube channel and sharing this message, uh, with those around you, man, and build your own tribes.

01:04:37.620 Right. And leave your ratings reviews. That's a lot to do guys, but, uh, you have your marching

01:04:42.920 orders. So get after it. We will be back easy, very easy to do. And it goes a long way. So anyways,

01:04:48.040 uh, we'll be back on Friday for our Friday field notes, but until then go out there, take action,

01:04:53.040 become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:04:57.480 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:05:01.280 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

01:05:07.620 Thank you.

Order of Man - April 07, 2021

Leading Your Wife Effectively, The Modern Feminist Movement, and Masculine Creativity ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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