Leading Your Wife Effectively, The Modern Feminist Movement, and Masculine Creativity ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 5 minutes
Words per Minute
199.67493
Summary
We talk about political correctness and what it means to be a man in today's world. We also talk about what it's like to grow up in a world where people are so offended by the slightest thing that might offend them.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
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When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.
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This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
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At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
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Mr. Kip Sorensen, what's up, brother? Good to see you.
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I survived the weekend with Easter and my birthday and everything else that was going on.
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Me too. It was, so we usually have a big, my wife's super social, right?
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So Easter weekend is like, I eventually in the weekend with like, I just want to be alone and do laundry.
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Yeah. And, but it was also conference weekend at the same time.
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And for a conference, we usually invite people over. I'll make, uh, Indian fried bread and, you know, and we decided to still do both over the weekend. So I'm like, oh my gosh, like, I got to get to work.
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I want to go into the office. So people will leave me alone. Totally. I did eat five Indian tacos yesterday. So, um, so I always, I always refer to them as Navajo tacos. Is that what they are? Is that the same thing?
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Well, if you're Navajo? Yeah. That's, that's the, that's like politically incorrect or whatever. Yeah.
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We all know what people are talking about. Indian tacos. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I was actually, it was funny because I was somewhere I can't remember. And we called them Navajo tacos is what we called them. And somebody asked somebody who was actually Navajo, what they called it. And they said tacos.
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Yeah. That's super funny. Yeah. It's, it's pretty insane that we live in this world of like political correctness. And what if one person on the planet happens to be offended or takes it out of context or it's, I was watching. Do you ever, have you ever watched this show called studio C? I know about it, but I've never watched it. It's really funny. It's, it's, it's, it's like Saturday night live or something like that, but a family friendly version of it.
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So my kids watch it all the time. And there was this skit on there. The guy's name is Stacy and he's a black guy and they're all pretending to be crayons. And he got assigned the skin color crayon, which is, it's our skin color. Right. And he's like, and I got assigned this. Just think about that for one second. And it was a joke, but I'm, and I don't know how long that skit was made. I don't even know if that would fly today, which is sad. It's just a joke.
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Everybody needs to lighten up and just relax a little bit, but man, people are so uptight about the slightest thing that might hurt somebody's feelings or offense. And usually it's not even, it's not even offensive. It just, it's just a bunch of virtue signaling of, of, of I'm better than you. I'm morally superior because I thought about that.
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And you didn't think about that one thing you said and how it might actually hurt somebody's feelings. Yeah. Absolutely ridiculous.
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Yeah. And some of that is, it's out of, it's out of like, um, well, we're as an example, I was talking with Asia about this and we're saying that sometimes when people are a little ignorant about certain cultures, right. They, they might, they might dress up or, you know what I mean? Cause they're, they're intrigued by it.
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But the person that knows a lot more about the culture might be offended. Like, you know, but where's that coming from? It's coming from a place of like, I'm interested in that. I, yeah, I'm stupid. I don't know the details, but I'm fascinated about it. And I'm trying. Right.
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It's like literally from a place of like, of appreciation. It's not from a place of like being insult, insulting or anything else, but yet it's like, Oh, how dare you wear? I don't know. A headdress because my ancestors, you know, it's like, I know they don't know that they think it's neat. You know, it's like, it comes from a place of, of interest, you know, not from a place of trying to be a little, you know, some.
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It is. And I think most people that let's say somebody wears a traditional garment that a particular culture may wear. I think most of those individuals that come from that culture don't actually take offense to that. I don't think they read into it. I think they might look at somebody and say, that guy's an idiot. He's wearing that wrong or something, you know, but I think that's probably the extent of their angst.
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And yet it's everybody else that thinks they have to come in and rescue other people. They can speak up for themselves. Everybody can speak up for themselves and their cultures and whatever individually. Like nobody has to come rescue anybody else, but this is the moral superior society that we live in. It's crazy.
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I mean, I, I, let me ask you this. So if, if Washington Redskins changed their title to like Rednecks or like, I don't know, that would be awesome. More whiteys or something would actually go to the game and they would have pride in that.
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They would, I would too. I would be like, yeah, that's awesome. That's a sweet name. Yeah, of course. Yes, of course. But whatever. All right. Well, should we answer some questions today? Yeah, let's do it with Facebook. These are coming from Facebook, right? Yes, sir. All right. All right. Let's get into it. Get after it.
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Dad, Pillar Apparel. On the merchandise side of your business, what are the biggest hurdles you face concerning growth? Are you constantly streamlining your ordering and inventory process? Have you had to cut ties with silk screening and embroidery places because they could not meet your expectations?
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And when quality controlling your orders, did you have to check your expectations for perfection at all? Because you would see every minute and every minute mistake. Thank you for your persistence in the work of this movement and shout out to Kip for showing up every week.
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That was nice. Even though. Yeah, that was nice. Okay. Well, okay. So let's talk about the merchandise element of things because that is a big and a growing component of the business model, frankly.
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So when I started, I worked with a local merchandise store that did a phenomenal job. And actually up until I would say the last six months, we worked with them exclusively. So we had business with them for nearly five years. And I'm still very satisfied with what they did. We moved away for a couple of reasons. I'll explain in a minute.
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And then what we would do is we would have our merchandise, t-shirts, hats, everything shipped to a warehouse, a fulfillment warehouse. And so what that warehouse would do is they would charge me X amount of dollars per shelf that I needed based on our inventory quantities.
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And then they would charge me per package. And then they would charge me per package. And it was just, it was, it was getting stupid. They would just, they were just nickel and diming me over every little thing. Well, you know, this isn't a traditional size package. So this is more.
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And then I noticed the shipping boxes and containers that they were purchasing were, were more expensive than I could find via Amazon on my own. And then they were charging for that shelf space. And then I would actually have multiple orders that were getting sent back because they were fulfilled wrong, wrong size, wrong color.
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So I told the people, I'm like, Hey, for every order that you get sent back, like, I'm not paying you for that. Like, Oh no, no, no. That's built into the contract. I'm like, I'm not paying you to do crappy work.
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Uh, and then I started looking at their shipping rates. Their shipping rates were higher than what I just an individual at that time could get.
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No, it's, and you would think a shipping warehouse would be able to get a discount or something.
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They would actually make your life easier and it just became harder and harder.
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So several years ago, I would probably say two years, maybe three, but probably right around two years ago, I, I reached out to this, this warehouse.
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And I said, this fulfillment center, I think I should call it. It's probably the more accurate term. I said, look, I'm done.
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Look, we're, we're bringing this in the house. My 11 year old son's going to do this. Oh yeah. I'll never be able to do it.
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And, and he does a, he does a 10 times the job that they did.
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So we brought it all in house. I continue to work with that same, uh, merchandise company and they would send it directly to us.
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And we bought some shelves and we got our stamps.com account and got the printer.
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The printer was the thing that I made a mistake on. We use the ink jet printer for a long time.
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Because I didn't know any better. And then I looked at what stamps had and they had the, uh, the laser printer.
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And I think I bought that for 200 bucks and it paid for itself. Cause I don't have to buy ink anymore.
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It paid for itself in maybe two or three weeks.
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So I wish I would have, yeah, I wish I would have known that, but that was a little mistake that we learned along
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the way. Uh, and you don't buy your own boxes. We buy our own supplies, our own merchandise.
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My son does that. He'll go through every week and he'll say, okay, you know, here's where we're at
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with boxes. Here's where we're at with these different t-shirts or these different hats.
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So my 13 year old now is going in, he's doing inventory. He's managing our supplies, tape boxes,
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et cetera, et cetera. Uh, and then we started working with another merchandise company because
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we were able to get a better deal on, on pricing on some shirts and hats, same, same quality,
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say actually same products that we're using now. Yeah. Uh, and their turnaround time was quicker
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than what we had experienced in the past. And as we grow and scale, we needed, we needed that to
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happen. So right now we do it in the front room of our house, but we're probably going to be looking
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at moving that to the attic, uh, because we're going to, we're, we're just outgrowing the front room.
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And plus we just don't have the space up there. So we're going to move it into the entire attic
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and that will be the, uh, the merchandise store up in the attic of the house, which would be cool.
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Kind of a cool feel up there. When you get defects, do you return them back to how does that work?
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Yeah, I usually, I actually don't, we don't get a whole lot of defects. I mean, I might've had a
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couple here and there. It's just not that many. And we just spot check as we go. So as we ship an order,
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we pull a shirt out and let's say it's a large and it's got some thread that we see that's,
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you know, falling off or, or the coloring isn't right or whatever it might be. Then we'll just
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set that one aside. We'll reach out to that person or the company. And usually they'll just credit us
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is what they'll do and say, okay, well, it doesn't make sense to ship stuff. Yeah. Like, okay, you
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paid $7 for that shirt. We'll just credit that shirt, you know, on your next order or whatever.
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They're, they're really good to work with. So, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we do that. And, uh, the,
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the, the store continues to grow and we continue to bring new products and services and
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not services so much there in the store, but just products. And it's been really good. And it's
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been a good relationship builder with my son. And he's learned a lot about how to run a business
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and an organization and shipping. And I pay him per, per order. So every order that he ships out,
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I, I pay him a set amount. And then we tallied at the end of the week and I pay him that and it goes
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into his bank account and he's, he's crushing it. You know, he just bought that, uh, dirt bike last year
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and he paid for it a hundred percent on his own. He saved for two years and bought that
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with cash, which was pretty cool to go into the dealership and take care of that. So yeah,
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it's been fun. It's been a really good process. It's cool. Um, I lied. These questions are from
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these few are from Instagram and then we'll hop over to Facebook. Yeah. I was going to say,
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that's weird. These names are, uh, don't make sense. Oh yeah. I got it. Okay, cool. Yeah. Uh,
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Louie, uh, can Convery. Hey Ryan, I've always wanted to ask you this question. You're one of the only
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few I listened to when it comes to masculinity and that I can appreciate and find a lot of value in,
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but you probably are aware of the resentful alpha. I hate women and families red pill mindset that some
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Instagram pages and coaches push. I wanted to know what are your thoughts and observations on
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that side of masculinity? Uh, you know, I think any movement or any cause could naturally have a
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tendency to go to the extreme. I actually think that's pretty natural. And so what you end up having
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is you have this spectrum of people who believe one thing or the other, and then there's outliers.
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And so there's always extremes. And I think when it comes to masculinity, uh, it's very easy for
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misguided individuals and hurt individuals to take the concept of masculinity and define it or
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perceive it as some alpha machismo bull crap that isn't actually going to serve anybody. And so
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what it ends up becoming is the male equivalent of extreme feminism where victimhood group, right?
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Men are victims. Everybody's out to get men. We got to stand on our own. We got to, uh, we got to
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isolate ourselves. We've got to go our own way. We're not going to get into this. Women are all evil.
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They're all out to get you. Society is stacked against you. And look, I think there's certainly
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some elements of truth to that, that need to be considered every once in a while. I'll have
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somebody who'll say, you know, you're talking about this, but you're painting yourself as a victim.
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It isn't you, you're not painting yourself as a victim to acknowledge reality.
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Victimhood is staying in this perpetual state of victimhood, but you're allowed to look at
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what is stacked against you. You're allowed to look at the threats without, without being a victim.
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It helps you equip yourself and arm yourself to get better, to improve, to, to put yourself in a
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better position. But when you start thinking other people are the enemy and it comes at a detriment to
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them and also to you, I think that's a problem. And that's where I see a lot of these alpha type
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movements going is they've taken it so far to the extreme. It's, it's, it's attention grabbing.
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It's attention seeking. It's marketing. It's attention porn is really what it is. Like let's
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make everything outrageous so that we get more eyeballs. And honestly, I believe order of man
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could be a little bit further down the tracks in some ways if we did that, but I've, I've never
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really been like that. Like, I don't, I don't speak too much in hyperbole. I don't make things bigger
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issues. Generally, occasionally I will, then they need to be. I don't try to get people riled up just for
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the sake of riling people up and it doesn't get the attention that I see a lot of other people do.
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So sometimes I don't know if people actually believe the bullshit that they're spewing or if
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they're just using it as a marketing tactic to get more eyeballs on their thing, which I know a lot
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of people do. I know I personally know people who do that. So, you know, it's a marketing tactic you
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got to be aware of, but also it's a danger and it puts women against men and society, men against
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society and, and it paints people as perpetual victims and men are not perpetual victims. We
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need to be aware of what's going on and then we need to deal with it with a level of maturity and
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masculinity that's going to help us excel and help the people that we care about excel. And sometimes
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that just isn't as sexy as saying, Oh, women are bitches. Society is out to get us. That kind of
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stuff. Yeah. Well, and because most people are victims and they would love to latch on to that
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and go, Oh yeah, you're right. Yeah. Let's, let's not take responsibility. Let me just point the
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finger. Yeah. Hmm. All right. The bearded truth. How important is it and why is it important for a
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man to have imagine, uh, imaginative and creative spirit? And do you feel like this often is suppressed
00:15:45.460
or considered not manly in today's culture? I tagged this because of your Instagram post. Yeah.
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Cause what was my Instagram? Oh, creativity. Yeah. Oh, uh, or curiosity. What was it?
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I don't know. It was creative or curiosity. I kind of, I, I lumped them together. Sorry. But so
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this is interesting. So he said that potentially creativity is, would not be considered manly.
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Yeah. How, uh, do you feel like this is often suppressed or considered not manly in today's
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culture? Uh, no, not at all. I mean, okay. So here's what I think when I think about like the
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quintessential man, the stereotypical man, you think about this tough, rugged alpha, almost
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archetype and, and he's physical and he's strong. Somebody that comes to mind would be like a firefighter,
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for example, or, or, uh, a member of the military or a contractor. Well, all of those guys are
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creative, you know, guys, men that are building homes. Like, yeah, they have their plans, but they
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have those plans have to be designed. They have to be drafted. There's little nuances and things come
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up where they have to adapt and all of that wall is actually not going to work like that. We need to
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move it this way or change it or tweak it so that it actually stands and doesn't get in the way of
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this military members as they're, uh, planning battle strategies. You know, they're planning for
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contingents and what if this happens and what if that happens? And in this scenario where we haven't
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planned for what do we do? Uh, firefighters, same, same concept. Fire is predictable in a lot of ways,
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but also very unpredictable and, and, and not steady. And, and, and you're able to know exactly
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what it's going to do. So you're going to have to be creative. How do you work with your team? How do you
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communicate? If this happens, what do we do? How do we address it and deal with it? So creative creativity
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is not gender specific. Like there's nothing to do with that at all. Now I, I think maybe where he's
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going and I can definitely see this is that generally, I think that we tend to look at more
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of the artistic types as not as masculine. I think that's might be where he's going with that.
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Or we might look at art as more creative than these other things. Yeah. And we lose sight that
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there's creativity in a lot of, a lot of jobs, not just playing music and singing and painting.
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Yeah. But, but you know, it's funny because even artistically, you know, look around my office,
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for example, and I've got this, this, this picture of the angel Michael, and I've got a poem right there
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by my son. And I've got man in the arena or excerpt from man in the arena by Theodore Roosevelt.
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I've got this wooden flag. I've got a poster over here. I've got an oil painted picture here.
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Uh, I've got this YouTube, uh, award on my wall right here, which means that I created enough
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content that people acknowledged what we did. And YouTube sent me that award because of it.
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I've got a picture of my kids drew down here. Like art is everywhere and I've never considered it
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not masculine. Yeah. You know? So I think you gotta be careful wrapping up, wrapping up masculinity and
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femininity in this. Ideally, what you're trying to do as a man is to take your masculinity and
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harness it into productive outcomes. And if it means that you're inspiring people through your art
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or you're entertaining them through art, you know, think about an actor, uh, or, or a director who is
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a masterful storyteller. We had Randall Wallace, for example, on the podcast who wrote the story of
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Braveheart and told that story in, in, in a motion picture that I don't think anybody would consider
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unmasculine. Yeah. Right. So yeah, you gotta be careful of painting yourself into these things
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of saying, well, you know, like playing the guitar, that's not masculine or painting this
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picture is not masculine. Even if it wasn't, who cares? Yeah. Like, do you have to be macho? Do you
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have to be working on the car? Do you have to be exercising? Do you have to be firing a gun at every
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minute of your life? No, of course not. I think some of that you should do. You should know how to
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build something. You should know how to change the oil in your car. You should know how to lift
00:19:49.540
weights properly. You should know how to fire a gun. You should know that, but that doesn't mean
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you need to do that stuff every waking hour of, of your life. You know, I'm building this canoe right
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now. That's art. You know, I'm working with my hands and I'm being creative and we're problem solving.
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And we're also following the instructions and do it. You know, there's, there's a lot to it and I
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don't consider it unmanly. That's a thought that's never even crossed my mind. So it's not something I
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really consider or care about actually. His other part of the question is, is how important is that
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imaginative creative spirit? Do you think? Oh, it's huge. It's, I mean, it's huge. You know,
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if all you ever do is follow the instructions and all you ever do is do what you're told to do and
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you never branch out and you never explore and you never try anything new, life's going to be pretty
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dull for you. You're going to be boring. You're going to be mundane. You're not going to be fulfilled.
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You're not going to be excited because there's nothing to be curious about. There's no new skill
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set that you need to learn. Uh, when you're, when you're faced with difficult problems in very real
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circumstances, you won't know how to address them because you haven't been creative and you haven't
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learned to flex that, that creative muscle. So yeah, I think you need to have some outlets to figure
00:21:04.120
some things out. And this can happen in a lot of different ways. It can happen in jujitsu. Sure.
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You know, you got to be creative. Somebody's cranking on your leg or cranking on your neck.
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Man, what do I need to do right here? And you've got to stop and breathe and think about it.
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Or if you're, uh, writing a book, you know, you might be stumped somewhere and you need to figure
00:21:22.520
out, Hey, what's a better way to frame this? Or what story should I tell with this? Or,
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or how can I communicate this effectively in a way that people will understand? These are all
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applicable skills outside of the skillset or the task at hand. It transfers to other areas of your
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life. So yeah, you got to have some creative outlets and not to mention, it's just fun.
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It's just exciting. It's challenging. It's thought provoking. So that alone is enough for me to want
00:21:49.440
to engage in things that sound even remotely interesting. Yeah. I mean, we were talking,
00:21:54.240
uh, last week of the book that we're reading in the iron council, you know, it, it breaks down
00:21:59.300
motivation. One of the items that, that, that, uh, he breaks down what drives motivation is curiosity,
00:22:06.660
right. And creativity. Like there's a, there's a level of that needs to be involved in, in things
00:22:13.940
that we're passionate about. Right. Right. Cause that's good. Cause I don't know about you. Like
00:22:18.360
I I'll have these little stints where I'm kind of curious about something and I can, man, I can
00:22:23.020
exhaust a lot of energy around this thing that I'm kind of creative, you know what I mean? Or I'm
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imagining or whatever. It has a sense of like, I don't know, like it comes with some drive and some
00:22:35.820
perseverance when I'm kind of attached to some new idea or a new concept. So, well, not only that,
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it drives innovation too. Like who's the first human being who decided, who looked at, uh, let's
00:22:50.000
say lightning hit a tree and the tree caught on fire. And who's the first human being, whoever thought,
00:22:54.940
you know, I wonder if I could make that happen without having to wait for lightning.
00:22:58.480
Yeah. Or who's the first human being who, who looked at a rock around boulder and saw that maybe
00:23:09.000
that thing can help me move these logs easier. Or who's the first person who looked at a hundred foot
00:23:16.860
tree and decided I'm actually going to chop that down. And I'm going to, rather than look for the cave
00:23:22.820
that doesn't exist, I'm going to chop that down and I'm going to build this structure that I can,
00:23:29.640
that I can sleep in. And you know what? I know I'll actually want to chop that down,
00:23:33.540
but I don't know how I'm going to do that. Maybe if I took this rock and I chiseled it down and I
00:23:38.940
made a sharp edge of this rock and I could just whack it against that hard enough. And then somebody
00:23:43.500
thought, well, okay, I could hold it in my hand or I could put this long piece of wood on it and give
00:23:50.200
it leverage. And then that will help me actually multiply my strength to chop this tree down.
00:23:55.820
That's all creativity. Like somebody did that at some point, somebody thought of that first and
00:24:02.040
then utilized it. And gradually it grew and evolved and technology advances through creativity. So not
00:24:08.700
only is it helpful, it, it creates very real world applicable tools and technologies that we utilize,
00:24:17.040
which is, I think very masculine taking raw, uh, sources, taking, taking raw products and then
00:24:24.440
repurposing them in a way that will serve us. That's a very masculine thing.
00:24:31.660
That's cool. All right. Brands cog, when you speak of forming a tribe,
00:24:36.660
how many men does that consist of? Also, can that be family members such as cousins? I have two awesome
00:24:43.500
cousins in my corner that are strong, capable men. And how should I expand my tribe? If you recommend
00:24:48.700
it. So on the cousins thing here, here's what I would say. The, the term you used was creating a tribe,
00:24:55.380
creating creation to go back to what we were talking about earlier requires effort. It requires
00:25:02.300
intentionality. So your tribe shouldn't by default be whoever's around you because then you didn't create
00:25:11.580
it. It's just happens to be around you. Yeah. And sometimes that actually works out well. Like
00:25:16.820
your cousins are two high caliber guys. So good. I'm not saying you shouldn't have these guys as part
00:25:21.960
of your, your tribe, but now you're exercising intentionality. You're saying, these are two
00:25:27.360
members of my family who I'm very interested in building and developing a deeper relationship with
00:25:33.000
that. That's creation. That's intentionality. That's what we're talking about here. Now, when it comes
00:25:37.920
to how many people should be in your tribe, I don't know. I don't think there's any hard and fast rule
00:25:42.960
for that. If you have three guys in your corner who you guys talk on a regular basis, you do things
00:25:48.140
together, you challenge each other, you hold each other accountable. And there's two or three of you.
00:25:52.120
That's great. I think there's 30 of you that would be infinitely harder to do. But I would say if you
00:25:57.740
had three to maybe 10 guys who you, who you had relationships like this. And by the way, it doesn't
00:26:03.100
always mean that you're going to operate together. Like all 10 of us are going to get together.
00:26:06.320
Sometimes you have two guys like your cousins who you do things with, and then you have a couple
00:26:11.160
of other buddies who happen to engage and enjoy the same hobbies and recreation and activities as
00:26:15.780
you do. And there's two more there. And you have two more that you talk with from a spiritual
00:26:20.480
perspective, because they're at church and you guys are doing a men's group together, you know,
00:26:24.420
so they don't all have to interact and be there at once, but you might have different men for
00:26:31.400
different reasons. But again, you have to be intentional and deliberate about who it is as
00:26:36.000
opposed to just, Oh yeah, this is the guy I hung out with in high school. And like, we just kind of
00:26:39.540
never, never broke up, you know? Okay. Well, is that, is that serving you anymore? Well, if I think
00:26:45.200
about it, probably not, he's getting drunk every night and, and he's kind of a dick and he's kind of
00:26:50.200
a loser. Okay. Then probably that should be, you should have a different circle. I mean, help that guy to
00:26:55.880
the degree that you can, but probably should think about having a different circle or a different tribe of
00:26:59.960
people. Yeah. And you mentioned this in the past, Ryan, like maybe that's a different tribe for
00:27:05.300
different things, right? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And that, and that's fine. You know, there, there might be
00:27:10.420
reasons why you spend time with these guys and it doesn't cross over into here for whatever reason. Like
00:27:15.400
I have guys I hunt with, you know, and I'll, and I'll see them once, maybe twice a year and that's it. And we
00:27:21.320
hunt together and we have a great time and we give it, give each other a hard time and we hold each
00:27:24.920
other accountable and we enjoy the time while we have it. And then I don't see them for another
00:27:29.440
year and that's cool. You know, we'll text or message every once in a while, but that's really
00:27:33.740
the extent of our relationship. Yeah. Ryan has had a hard time finding really high caliber guys. So he
00:27:39.200
has to have multiple groups of guys that specialize in certain areas. So, well, it's, yeah, it's not that
00:27:45.180
I have a hard time finding them so much as there's just not many as high caliber as me. Yeah. And so it's
00:27:51.180
like scarce. It's, you know, it's really scarce for me to, to choose from regarding who I want
00:27:55.700
to have in my circle. I consider cutting you out just about every week. It's got to be tough.
00:28:04.060
All right. Proceed. That's a joke, by the way, guys, don't message me and say, Oh, you ran so
00:28:09.060
narcissist because somebody is such a jerk. He's so, he's so narcissistic. Get over yourself.
00:28:14.020
It's a joke. All right. Real rational foundation. What do you think that the, we already know the
00:28:20.420
answer. Do you think that the modern feminist movement has gone too far? If so, in what ways?
00:28:26.620
No, I think it's awesome. I think devaluing men and masculinity, uh, I think leading millions of
00:28:32.760
women to believe that they need to act to behave like men in order to be valuable, uh, is, is a very
00:28:38.580
good thing. I think that this meant not to embrace their feminine traits. Yeah. Well, I also think the
00:28:43.880
dismantling of the nuclear family is a wonderful thing for society. Uh, it's just an incredible
00:28:50.140
incredible, incredible movement that I'm so glad and feel so blessed and fortunate that we have
00:28:55.400
today. Yeah. It's, it's awesome. And, and the point is we'll all be able to make some more money,
00:29:00.800
appease the masses, get socially accepted and live unfulfilled lives. What could go wrong?
00:29:08.440
No, it's horrible, man. It's horrible. The modern feminist movement is vile. It's disgusting.
00:29:15.360
It is, it is, is anything but feminine. It does not appreciate and honor women, let alone men.
00:29:24.560
And it's, uh, it's an evil. It truly is an evil. I think give where it started with noble intentions
00:29:33.060
of making sure that women had equal rights and they were treated fairly. Yeah, of course, of course.
00:29:39.120
Like you were saying earlier about the red pill movement, right? Like some of these movements can
00:29:42.980
have great intentions initially, right? And then they can go off the beaten track and lose,
00:29:47.460
lose their vision and focus of what the original intention was. Yeah. But it's, it's now it's
00:29:52.420
violent. It's disgusting. And, uh, you know, it leads to abortion, which is murder. And it's just a
00:29:59.460
nasty, nasty thing. And you know what I've noticed is these hardcore feminists, they aren't happy.
00:30:04.260
They, they aren't grounded. They aren't feminine. They're angry and they're bitter and they're always
00:30:13.500
yelling. And they think that, uh, that other people are always out to get them. And other people are the,
00:30:18.500
the, the perpetrators of all these, these, these victim hoods. And, and, and it's just,
00:30:23.740
it's gross. And it's very destructive. It's destructive for women. It's destructive for men
00:30:29.760
and it's dangerous to society. And these people ought to be looked at as the loonies, the crazies
00:30:36.400
that nobody gives much attention to. It's a shame that this continues to grow in traction. But I think
00:30:42.280
part of what we can do as men is ensure that people know and see us acting as honorable men.
00:30:47.860
So that when one of these crazies says, well, men are the enemy. Another woman can say, I have no idea
00:30:52.620
what you're talking about. My husband leads with honor and integrity. Uh, the, the, the,
00:30:59.000
the man that I, I work with or work for is somebody who treats us with class and respect
00:31:05.760
and values what we bring to the equation. The, the man that the men that I sit with on, uh,
00:31:11.100
the school board care deeply about the children they're serving, uh, the coach that my, uh, son
00:31:17.660
or daughter, uh, plays for honors those kids and coaches them and gives them direction and guidance
00:31:24.820
and discipline. Like that's what more people need to see. And as more men behave that way.
00:31:31.380
And that's part of what we're doing here, obviously. And more women stand up for the men
00:31:36.320
who are doing those things. It shuts these gross, vile, disgusting people down, which is exactly what
00:31:42.300
should happen. Yeah. Let's see if there's anything you'd add, uh, to this guy's question based upon what
00:31:49.240
you just said. So possum after hours, he says, Ryan, I just entered into a courtship with a girl
00:31:53.960
and I'm learning to lead in a different context than usual, uh, than usual business context as I
00:32:00.900
usually do. Do you have any advice in a relationship? Is that what he's saying? Yeah. Yeah. Like maybe
00:32:05.920
he's leading at work, but now this is new, right? Uh, do you have any advice as to how to make her feel
00:32:11.920
heard and understood while leading out and making decisions that need to be made? Um, man, we've
00:32:19.280
talked so much about this. I don't, I don't know if I have any specific advice necessarily other than
00:32:23.880
it's funny when people say, how do I let her know she's listening or she's being listened to and heard
00:32:28.740
you listen to her. Like you just, you listen, you listen, you acknowledge, Hey, I hear you. I see you
00:32:35.560
struggling with this. And also here's how, you know, if somebody heard you, if they're acting on
00:32:42.440
what you shared. Yeah. So for example, if my wife came to me and she said, you know, Ryan, I don't
00:32:49.900
feel, uh, I don't feel the intimacy like I did in our relationship. I feel distant and, and cold.
00:32:56.200
Okay. I might've listened to that and I can tell her, I listened by saying, Oh, I understand. And I'm
00:33:01.260
sorry. You feel that way, et cetera, et cetera. But how does she know that she's heard? I'd be more
00:33:05.960
intimate with her. There's action. Yeah. Right. And then as I'm more intimate with her and I go out
00:33:10.440
of my way, because this actually tends to be me in a lot of ways with the intimacy thing, because I'm
00:33:16.300
more of a cold person. Like I don't, I don't need like I'm, I'm driving on. I don't need a whole lot
00:33:22.060
of that. And I have to be very aware of that because my wife does need that. And so it sounds funny to
00:33:27.460
say, but it's true. It's more work for me than maybe the average person, not as natural. So you
00:33:33.160
have to, I have to work at it because it would be very easy for me to just like charge through
00:33:37.800
everything and not even think about the romance or the intimacy or any of that. It's like, just go,
00:33:41.640
go, go, go, go, go, go. So I have to be very deliberate and intentional about that. And when I am,
00:33:46.100
she feels heard and the relationship improves. So listening is being present. Hearing is acting upon it.
00:33:54.300
And by the way, if you're leading, sometimes that means you need to actually act upon this stuff.
00:33:59.680
You're leading yourself, right? You're leading yourself. And you're also showing her that what
00:34:05.980
she's saying is valuable, that, that she is a valuable part of your life. And it will give you
00:34:12.100
credibility and authority in her eyes. When you ask her to listen to you, you know, there's things that
00:34:18.300
I've done in my life where I would expect or hope at least that my wife would listen and hear what it
00:34:23.360
is. I'm saying, and I promise you that it's better when I'm willing to listen and hear her
00:34:29.060
because she says, okay, well I'm valuable to Ryan and he's valuable to me. So when it's something
00:34:35.760
important that he's sharing and he's adamant about it, that I'm going to listen to it and act upon it
00:34:40.580
because clearly this is an important thing to him and the things that are important to me, he acts
00:34:45.540
upon those things as well. So even just the act of hearing and working on it is a leadership. I
00:34:52.500
hesitate to use the term strategy because it seems like you're gaming it, but it is a leadership
00:34:57.460
action. It's a leadership action to do that, to listen to other people. And if it's right and good
00:35:05.060
and you value what those other people are saying, then act upon it.
00:35:07.780
Yeah. I, to add, you know, a couple of things came to mind when you're saying to listen, I can't
00:35:13.720
help but think of Stephen Covey, right? Seek first to understand then to be understood. So I think it's
00:35:18.880
listening is understanding what they're saying, not just listening. Um, and I think part of that,
00:35:26.040
which has been a present for me of late is understanding the desired outcome.
00:35:30.720
And because sometimes, you know, uh, like I might get a request from you, Ryan, and you might say,
00:35:37.800
Hey, Kip, I need you to do X, X, X. And that's great. And I can act on that. But what's even more
00:35:43.220
powerful is if I said, well, Ryan, what's the outcome you're looking for? That way, if those actions
00:35:50.900
line up to it, awesome. If they don't, I still know what the desired outcome is and I provided clarity.
00:35:57.580
So now I can pivot and adjust as necessary because we're on the same page of, of the vision,
00:36:03.720
the desired outcome, not just the, the tangible results, right? Your, your, your, your spouse
00:36:09.700
could easily say, honey, you know, we don't spend enough time together. I think we should go on,
00:36:14.860
you know, we should, we should spend more time together. Well, that's maybe, maybe not the desired
00:36:19.480
outcome. The desired outcome is I want you to pay attention and understand me better or whatever,
00:36:24.900
you know, you could say, yeah, we'll spend more time together. Let's go clean the garage. You
00:36:28.700
know, it's like, let's go do errands together. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's not what she's looking
00:36:32.500
for. Right. So, so make, you know, seek to understand and then, and make sure that you're
00:36:37.440
clear on the desired outcome. I think that would be huge. Yeah. Yeah. There's another thing, as you
00:36:42.280
said that, so as let's take the relationship, what we have, the, the, the dynamic here, Kip, between you
00:36:47.460
and I, if, if I asked you to do something, I mean, ultimately I, I am the ultimate decision maker in,
00:36:53.540
in the scenario in this instance, right? So if I came to you and I said, Hey, I need you to do X, Y,
00:36:58.180
and Z. There's a couple of things here from, from the leadership perspective. Number one, it's always
00:37:04.480
going to be in my interest to give you the authority to ask that kind of question, right? Like, okay,
00:37:13.060
well, what is the objective of the ultimate objective? Another great question that I need
00:37:18.080
to be open to receiving is, would you mind if I shared a couple of other strategies that might
00:37:23.960
actually help you accomplish the same thing with, with a better result? I would love for Kip, you to
00:37:30.200
be able to say that if that came to me, see, some guys won't do that because it represents a threat to
00:37:34.260
their, their ego and their pride. But if you came to me and said, Oh, you know what? Yeah. You asked me to
00:37:38.660
do X, Y, and Z, but I've had this situation happen in the past. And I did this, I did a,
00:37:43.740
B and C, and it actually worked out better. Then I need to give you the, the, the ability to ask that
00:37:50.700
kind of questions and to have that dialogue. And then also I need to let go of my own ego enough
00:37:55.560
to say, Hey, you know what, Kip, you, you seem to know more than I do about this. Why don't we roll
00:37:59.900
with a, B and C we'll circle back in a couple of weeks and see how it's working. If it's not,
00:38:05.380
if it is, or what we need to tweak or adjust from there. But, uh, yeah, I appreciate you
00:38:09.100
bringing that to the table. And then I made the decision as the leader to go with your
00:38:13.440
recommendation. Cause you know what it is you're doing. Yeah. Well, and not only that, like what's
00:38:18.860
the probability of me being accountable and taking ownership over that idea, right? Skyrockets. Yeah.
00:38:28.140
Significantly better. Significant versus you saying, no, no, no, Kip do A, B, C, and D in this way.
00:38:33.640
I might even disagree with it. I might even slightly undermine it. You know, if, if our
00:38:39.340
relationship isn't one where I can say, Hey, what's the desired outcome? Can we take this another
00:38:44.220
approach or maybe another strategy? Like I might undermine you and think, ah, I, maybe this is going
00:38:50.480
to fail, you know, and I knew we, we should have done it some other way, you know, because I, it wasn't
00:38:55.400
my idea. I wasn't even part of the decision, you know? Well, and here's another thing that could
00:38:59.640
happen. So I come in and tell you, tell you, we're going to do X, Y, and Z. And you're like,
00:39:02.720
that is stupid. You're thinking to yourself, we should not be doing that. And then you're
00:39:06.040
bent out of shape and you're pissed off the whole time. Cause you just acted on it. Right.
00:39:09.460
Cause I didn't give you any of that authority. Right. So you just did it. Well, you're, you
00:39:13.820
actually might be doing it with a false or incomplete set of data. Yeah. Now, if you came
00:39:21.640
to me and you said, Hey, Ryan, I can do X, Y, and Z, but it would help me if I knew why.
00:39:25.980
And I told you all the things it might enlighten you as to why, Oh yeah, that's actually a good
00:39:31.600
point. I only had 60% of the picture. Ryan had another 40 and then he shared it with me
00:39:36.880
and X, Y, Z is actually a good idea. So I feel good. Now I'm now I'm bought in. Yeah. Yes.
00:39:42.880
Right. Yeah. Totally. I like it. All right. Jiminy. I don't even know why I'm trying to
00:39:50.020
pronounce Jiminy, Jiminy, nor only, uh, Mr. Mickler. I work overnights. Time management is
00:39:56.420
essential. I make time. How do you utilize time better for effective results with work,
00:40:02.120
play, family, and rest? What is Mr. Mickler strategy of time management? I actually, I really
00:40:07.660
like time blocking where I know for this period of time, I'm going to be doing this thing.
00:40:12.500
Like whether it's answering emails, doing a podcast on social media, responding, or it
00:40:18.940
might just be that, Hey, from five to eight o'clock this evening, I'll give you an example
00:40:22.700
tonight. I know what I'm going to be doing tonight. I already have it mapped out. I have
00:40:26.020
it planned out. I'm going to get done with work. I'm going to go train jujitsu. I'm going
00:40:29.800
to get home about seven 38 o'clock. I'm going to tuck the kids in, say goodnight. My wife
00:40:34.380
and I are going to spend some time together talking about some different plans and trips that we
00:40:38.080
have coming up because we knew we needed to talk about this. And then I have to actually have
00:40:41.780
to hop on another call this evening at 10 o'clock. It's kind of a late night for me.
00:40:45.240
It's not usually like that, but it's already planned out. Yeah. Like there's no, there was
00:40:50.920
no hesitancy in me telling you that because I already know, like it's, it's already mapped
00:40:55.200
out. I know you and I are going to do this. And then at a two o'clock, I've got a podcast
00:40:59.600
at three 30. I've got another podcast. I could run through my entire day with you without
00:41:03.360
hesitation. It's all written down. I got it all right here and I got it on my Google calendar.
00:41:06.720
It's already written down. So how do you manage your time more effectively? That's what you do.
00:41:10.600
You plan it and you block it out and you give yourself the, the, the information you need
00:41:16.060
to be able to execute effectively. But you also, one thing I I've learned over the years
00:41:20.820
is you have to put little buffers in because if you don't put buffers in, if you're just
00:41:24.900
stacked, task, task, task, task, task, task, some tasks take longer, some take shorter.
00:41:29.760
There might be a little mini fire or a priority that comes up between tasks that if you give
00:41:34.780
yourself a little buffer, you can take care of it, but the buffers are, are really important
00:41:39.520
as well. So I would say you need to have a calendaring system. You need to have a way
00:41:43.040
for managing that calendar. You need to have buffers built into place and you need to look
00:41:47.660
at this thing every single day. And by the way, I do it at the, at the end of the day
00:41:51.060
to the workday that is. So I'll look at my calendar and I'll say, okay, well, I got everything
00:41:54.880
done. Uh, and, and tomorrow I need these things. So I'm just going to plug these in here.
00:41:59.740
So I plug them in. And then when I wake up in the morning, I look at it again and it
00:42:04.100
may be a hundred percent, right? And I'm going to roll with it. Or I might need to adjust
00:42:07.080
and tweak based on things that have come up overnight or things that I thought about that
00:42:10.660
I didn't previously consider. So I'm looking at it every morning and every night without
00:42:15.760
fail. And it's, it's been, it's worked great for me when I do it like that.
00:42:21.900
That end of day tasks, I think are critical. Yeah. Mostly because yeah. And, and you don't
00:42:28.780
know, like for like when I think about work, for instance, cause we do some, we do some of
00:42:34.740
this training for our employees just recently. And one of the things that we recommend is
00:42:39.240
before you wrap up your work day, look over any urgent emails, any urgent tasks and adjust
00:42:45.700
your work calendar for tomorrow before you leave for work. And the reason why is what
00:42:51.880
that allows me to do is hop in my car and then be present with my family.
00:42:56.420
Total presence. Yep. And then just be a hundred percent focus on them. Not in the back of my
00:43:00.700
head, like, Oh shit, I really need to still do that. Or I need to double check this calendar
00:43:05.380
or, Oh, I never replied back to this other guy. It's like, and that's kind of time blocking.
00:43:09.180
Like when you're done with work, you're done with work, right? When you're spending time
00:43:12.900
with the family, spend time with the family. So I think that's been huge for me. One hack
00:43:18.080
because I think some guys, and I'm not saying this is true for this guy, but I think some
00:43:22.980
people think I don't have time. They're like, you know, it's impossible. I don't have any
00:43:27.800
time. I remember one of the busiest times in my life. I had, I said that, and I, I don't
00:43:34.100
even remember the book or even if it was someone that told me this, they're like, track your
00:43:38.220
time for a week, 15 minute increments and log how much time you spend doing whatever
00:43:43.640
at the end of the week. I was like, Holy crap. I have tons of time. Yeah. I have tons
00:43:49.580
of time. Right. I spent, you know, this much time playing on my phone. I spent this much
00:43:54.500
time watching TV. I spent this much time doing nothing. You know, it's like, we, we have
00:44:00.040
time. Usually that's not the issue. So if you feel that way, log your time and see where
00:44:04.760
it's going. And then, you know, if you might be different than me and you might say, geez,
00:44:09.480
it's really, it's really tight. Okay. Well then what are you giving up? And now you can
00:44:13.680
make a choice. Now you can prioritize, right. And make an adjustment and figure out what,
00:44:17.960
where the priority sits. And, and that's a, that's a very refreshing feeling. You know,
00:44:22.500
even before we started recording this podcast, Kip, you asked if my wife and I could come visit
00:44:26.380
for this thing. And I, I said, no, I'm going to make the decision on that and say, no, we're
00:44:30.140
not going to do that. He didn't even consider it. He was just like, no, no, not doing it.
00:44:34.760
But I know I look, we have our calendar, we know our plans. And so I can say yes and no.
00:44:39.720
And then we ended up working. She's still got that bang energy drink, man. I got to get you
00:44:43.800
some, uh, some go to you. It looks like I here. I'll lean over, lean over this way.
00:44:48.920
There you go. Yeah. When you take a drink. Yeah. Um, but yeah, so I know, and then I can,
00:44:53.960
I can make those decisions with all of the information at hand and feel good about my decisions.
00:44:59.520
Like I can tell, you know, and I could feel good that, yeah, I would have liked to have gone
00:45:03.140
and done that thing, but I feel good about making that decision. Cause that was the right decision
00:45:07.160
based on everything else that my wife and I have going on. Totally. Totally. Well, and the last
00:45:12.420
thing I think on that is, and then I'll maybe drive on from here, but, uh, imagine you're reading a
00:45:17.740
book, you're reading a novel or even a series. So I've got Jack cars coming on the podcast. We're
00:45:21.380
recording this afternoon. And I want you to imagine for a second that you pick up his first book and you
00:45:26.100
read the entire thing. You read 80, 80 to 85% of it, but you don't read the last chapter and you're like,
00:45:31.200
oh, the new book came out. So I don't need to worry about that last chapter. I'm just going to
00:45:34.580
go right to the next book. You wouldn't do that. Right. You would read the thing for the most part,
00:45:39.320
you'd read the thing in its entirety. And then you would move because it's sequential. That's how
00:45:44.280
it's supposed to be done. It's the same thing with your day, capping your day, just like a novel.
00:45:49.520
It has a beginning, it has a middle, and it has an end. And you have to go through the entire process
00:45:54.660
because when you close it out, that's a beautiful thing. You feel accomplished. You feel like you got
00:45:59.540
something done. You get to reset. You get to take a break if you need to, just like you would
00:46:04.340
at home. You work from eight to six o'clock. You're done. You got it all done. You feel good
00:46:09.460
because you closed the book and you capped your day. And then you go home and you play and you
00:46:13.780
wrestle and you eat dinner and you laugh and you tell jokes and stories and talk with each other
00:46:17.480
because you have the emotional and mental freedom, clarity of focus to be able to do that because
00:46:26.520
you're not thinking about the book you haven't finished reading. Yeah. Yeah. And you get that
00:46:30.900
little dopamine, you know, it's like, oh, bam, finished, done. Next book. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
00:46:37.080
Let's take a couple more. All right. Perk Chuck, thank you guys for all the work.
00:46:43.580
I just grabbed all the ones where they say thank you at the beginning. I have no idea what the
00:46:47.100
questions are. I like that. So thank you guys for all the work that you put into this. Order Man has
00:46:51.040
been a huge help in getting me to understand how and where I am failing and how to pick up and keep
00:46:55.980
moving after. My favorite aspect is to see the basic truths and how it transcends platforms and
00:47:02.220
people and is just straight up truth. Ryan, thank you for leading this movement. Kip, thank you for
00:47:08.060
the awful jokes and the counter perspective you always have. You know what? Next question.
00:47:14.580
Screw you, buddy. Here's this question. When it comes to those moments to choose between something
00:47:21.160
of pleasure, i.e. chips and salsa. I like how he related that towards you. What do you mean?
00:47:27.400
Chips and salsa. Just saying. How do you get to a place where including this is the exception and not
00:47:34.740
the norm? Does it just take time and repeated no's or did a switch just flip for you? Thank you.
00:47:42.440
For me, it takes rules, man, because I will not be able to resist.
00:47:46.420
Yeah. I think it's different for everybody, right? Some people can do the, you know, it's not a big
00:47:52.000
deal. And other people are like, you know, I don't visit Mexico because there's too much salsa and
00:47:56.740
salsa and chips down there, you know? Okay. They just stay out of Vegas, you know? Yeah. Apparently
00:48:02.360
they don't, they didn't make their way across the border. Huh? Okay. So yeah, I think you're right.
00:48:09.040
I think different temptations for different people. If there was a, in fact, there is, there's cake
00:48:12.860
sitting on my counter right now. My, my favorite cake, carrot cake, it's sitting right on the
00:48:16.860
counter and it's not actually a temptation form. It's my favorite cake and I can walk right by it.
00:48:22.000
I can look at it like that looks good. And then just keep walking. I don't need to have the carrot
00:48:26.440
cake, but if there was a big chips, a big bag of chips and salsa right there. Yeah. Hell yeah. I
00:48:32.640
would eat all and not just one. I would eat all of it. So you put rules in place to keep yourself
00:48:38.580
from doing the things that you would otherwise do. This is discipline, right? It's, it's, you know,
00:48:44.180
you have willpower, you have motivation, you have willpower, and then you have discipline,
00:48:48.540
which I think is similar to willpower. And then you have systems and systems are even better.
00:48:54.160
Everybody's like, Oh, screw motivation. Discipline's where it's at. No screw discipline.
00:48:57.900
That's fleeting. Rules are where it's at. Yeah. Rules, systems, processes, so that you don't have
00:49:05.640
to deplete your willpower. You know, if there's, if there's exercise equipment, if there's a pull
00:49:11.100
and there's not, but let's whoops, that's my earbud there. If there was a pull-up bar hanging
00:49:17.340
right there, do you think I would do more or less pull-ups throughout the day? If there was a pull-up
00:49:21.420
bar in my office, you would just do a pull-up every so often, if it just sits there, that's what you
00:49:26.440
would do. There's a kettlebell here. There's my, uh, my war clubs from origin over there. If they're
00:49:32.460
sitting right on my desk and it's no surprise to me that I use them more often than if they were
00:49:38.280
sitting somewhere else where I wouldn't have easy access to those things. Okay. So James clear talks
00:49:43.940
a lot about this in his, in his book, atomic habits, making the things that you want to do easier,
00:49:49.460
less friction and more friction to the things that you don't want to do or shouldn't be doing.
00:49:56.560
So if you want to drink all the alcohol, probably shouldn't have all the alcohol in your house.
00:50:00.380
Yeah. That's, that's friction. And that's good. If it's something that you don't want to attach
00:50:05.660
yourself to. Yeah. When you can create friction, you know, one of the things, uh, that's what you
00:50:10.700
should, I don't know. I don't know why it happened, but like a year ago, I just, I was eating a good
00:50:16.160
cookie. I love cookies. And I said, Hey, Hey babe, how many calories is that cookie? And she told me,
00:50:22.940
and I'm like, how long would I have to run to undo that cookie? I just ate. She's like,
00:50:29.000
right. That's about three miles. And I'm like, that's not worth that cookie.
00:50:31.980
Three miles. No way, man. So if you say a quarter of a mile, I'm in, I'm on it. No problem.
00:50:38.200
Yeah. But if you translate cookies to running, you're like, screw that. I am not eating thin
00:50:43.300
mitts, right? That's a marathon. If I eat that box, no way.
00:50:47.320
Well, that's your problem. You're talking about thin mints. Now, if you were talking about those
00:50:51.200
little ones with, uh, I can't remember what are they tag? What's the ones, the chocolate ones
00:50:55.220
with peanut butter in the middle? Oh, uh, Samoans, the Samoans, no, Samoans are the,
00:51:00.560
the, no, aren't Samoans the coconut ones with the stuff on top. Okay. So that's
00:51:06.640
peanut butter in the middle. Yeah. They're like little chocolate deliciousness. They're like
00:51:13.200
with these, with peanut butter, but they have peanut butter just in the middle. And it's like a,
00:51:18.140
it's like a cookie and it's got peanut butter in the middle and it's got the, the chocolate over it.
00:51:23.740
I don't know. I would, I would run a few miles for some of those for sure.
00:51:28.100
Oh, okay. I see. I'm all about the shortbread shortbread cookies. I'm like, Ooh, no, I'll run
00:51:33.380
a marathon. Samoans, Samoans don't even tempt me at all. Put coconut on there. You just ruin it.
00:51:38.720
But like that's friction of like, get it out of the house, but also like creating meaning around it.
00:51:43.840
It's like, okay, I'm going to create friction. If I eat that cookie, I gotta, I gotta counter those
00:51:49.220
calories. Am I willing to do that? Yes or no. Right. Right. So create friction where you think
00:51:55.480
it should exist and eliminate friction where you think it shouldn't. Yeah. Okay. Last question.
00:52:01.920
Let's do it. Bob Ross. And this is a little word hopping into Facebook and this is similar,
00:52:06.960
but I want to bring it up because it was similar to a previous question. Maybe you'd add some things
00:52:10.820
to this. Thank you for what you both do. How do you prioritize family, work, house responsibilities
00:52:16.500
when you have more to do than possible? I feel I do a good job, but it bothers me when I can't get
00:52:22.540
everything done and I have to cut from my to-do list. Well, so the first thing you need to do. So
00:52:28.420
let's think about anxiety for a minute. I know this isn't necessarily an anxiety question,
00:52:34.180
but I just, I want you to wrap your head around anxiety. It feels like anxiety when you look at that
00:52:37.740
to-do list and you're like, it's impossible. Yeah. And where does that stem from?
00:52:41.600
Unmet or unrealized expectations. That's where anxiety comes from.
00:52:46.980
It should be this way. My life should be this, this list should be-
00:52:50.240
Or it should have. It should have been this. You can do it in the past and you can do it in the
00:52:54.860
future, right? Yeah. It should be this way. I'm stressed out because I know it's not going to be
00:52:58.740
this way. And so I'm anxious and now I have anxiety or I didn't perform the way I thought I
00:53:04.980
should, expectation, and I fell short, unmet, expectation. And now all I can think about is how
00:53:10.620
horrible my previous performance was instead of being present in the moment. That's where anxiety
00:53:14.580
stems from. It's unrealized expectations or unmet expectations. So what can you do? Well,
00:53:20.200
there's only really a couple of things. You can either meet your expectations or you could change
00:53:24.700
your expectations. Those are the only two things you can do. And that will eliminate anxiety.
00:53:29.420
How do you know you're not bowing out of those expectations?
00:53:33.380
Well, it's, it's hard because- Like taking the easy path. You know what I'm saying?
00:53:36.120
Yeah. Yeah. And, and I, I don't know. I don't know, but you know.
00:53:40.580
Yeah. Right. We all know like, yeah, if I really think about it, I would just kind of being lazy.
00:53:46.940
Yeah. I do think there's a price to be paid here though.
00:53:51.940
What do you mean? Well, I mean, you're, you just explained me, right? Asia and I were just talking
00:53:59.240
about this last weekend. If you were up to me, we'd probably go on no family vacations. There'd be no
00:54:03.920
fun or enjoyment and our lives would be very orderly and effective. And we'd all die miserable
00:54:12.180
with, with crappy relationships. Right. Right. If it were up to my wife, we would have,
00:54:17.960
we lived a heyday life with chaos. You would have, and you would have, you know,
00:54:23.700
bounced that last, that last check right before you guys signed out of this life and
00:54:28.200
everything would have been good. Yeah. Yeah. And she would be happy with that approach. And I would be
00:54:33.580
like anxiety. Right. Right. And, and, and so I, I have, I love how I just stole Bob's question and
00:54:41.400
made it my own here. So, but, but this is me. I, I am, I'm anxious. Like that garage needs cleaned
00:54:48.420
up, man. I got, I got these 40 things that need to get done at the house. There's these other things
00:54:52.960
that I'm progressing at work. And, you know, I feel torn thin. I don't have enough time. I'm
00:54:58.840
balancing these things and I'm stressed. I do feel that I can meet my expectation,
00:55:05.180
but it comes at a price. And the price is I'm not spending any time with my family. I'm probably
00:55:13.560
irritable. I'm probably walking around the house pissed off because I got my expectations met and
00:55:20.060
then it got disrupted by everybody. And that they didn't put that thing away. They, they didn't do
00:55:26.480
this. They didn't keep my expectation going, you know, so I could get that moment of like,
00:55:32.840
oh yes, I got it all resolved. I'm, I'm in the clear, but it's short lived and it comes at a price
00:55:40.180
of how I show up in my, in my life. Well, there's a couple of things. I mean, yeah. And, and I,
00:55:45.820
I very much relate with that, you know, and, and, and I would say there is, there are opportunities
00:55:50.700
to enlist people in your expectations. And as a father and a leader of your community and family
00:55:55.480
and business, you should be doing that. You know, I have, I have an expectation, my wife and I,
00:55:59.640
for example, on the way the house is to be kept. And if we didn't have that expectation and then
00:56:04.260
expect people to meet it, the house will be complete chaos with four kids and it would be
00:56:09.840
clutter and it would be gross. Totally butting heads, right? That's right. So we've communicated
00:56:14.520
the standard. We have talked about it. There are consequences for not upholding it. And we've enlisted
00:56:18.760
the people who will be impacted by our decisions in the expectation that is important,
00:56:23.480
but there's another thing tier two. And sometimes it's just as simple as asking yourself,
00:56:27.640
what is most important right now? Yeah. You know, so for, for example, this weekend I was
00:56:33.560
outside, we're rebuilding these, uh, what are called canoe cradles. So when we flip the canoe over,
00:56:38.620
they basically sit in this cradle so that we can fiberglass the inside of the hall.
00:56:43.180
So I'm sitting there, we're building these just a frame that it sits in. That's right.
00:56:47.280
That's all it is. It's like a two stands, one for each end. And it just sits on some carpet. That's
00:56:52.860
that's held up, uh, in the stands. So we're building these. I'm really excited about it.
00:56:59.140
I want to get these done. I've been thinking about them for a couple of days because next week we're
00:57:02.440
going to flip the canoe over and put them on this thing. So I know I need to get this done. So I'm
00:57:05.800
doing it. And my daughter's like, Hey, um, I want to show you something. I'm riding my bike. I want to
00:57:10.460
show you something. What's my knee knee jerk reaction is like, I don't want to see it right
00:57:16.280
now because I'm building these and I want to do this thing. Yeah. Instead, I fortunately,
00:57:21.600
and I don't always get it right. Very rarely do I get it right. Instead I said, what's the most
00:57:27.100
important thing right now. And the most important thing right now is to go outside for two minutes,
00:57:35.100
even though I'm in the middle of doing this thing that I wanted to do. And it's for me and
00:57:39.180
everything else. And I've thought about it for a couple of days. Now, the most important thing
00:57:43.500
in this moment is that I go outside and I watched my daughter do her thing on her bike. It's probably
00:57:50.720
silly. It's probably not. I'm trying to say this quietly. It's because she's probably out there.
00:57:55.600
It's probably not really all that amazing, but it's important to her. Yeah. It's important to her.
00:58:03.780
And therefore the most important thing in that moment for me was to let her know that what it was
00:58:10.960
important to her was important to me. And by the way, sometimes that's not always the case. You know,
00:58:18.060
I might be in the, in the middle of a very important cut, for example, or I might be on this podcast.
00:58:22.760
I can hear my kids out there right now. They're playing around, they're playing Legos. They're probably
00:58:26.840
wrestling. They're doing all kinds of stuff. Maybe having lunch here shortly. What's the most important
00:58:31.980
thing for me right now? Well, frankly, the most important thing for me right now is to be on this
00:58:36.360
podcast Kip with you because if it wasn't, I'd be doing something else, but I've communicated that to
00:58:41.260
my kids. They know it is. And they know that when I'm done, I get to go sit down and have lunch with
00:58:45.540
them and play and talk and do what we do. But this is the most important thing right now. So I ask that
00:58:52.440
question a lot, you know, what's the most important thing I can be doing? And as I pull up my planner
00:58:57.080
every single morning, I'm going to look and say, okay, well, what's the most important thing to get done
00:59:01.500
right now today? And then I do it. And then I go back through the list and I say, what's the next
00:59:07.380
most important thing? Oh, that I need to do. Okay, good. Do that. And I keep working through that list.
00:59:12.840
And at the end of the day, 90% of the time, because I don't always get it right. I feel pretty darn good
00:59:17.100
about getting my work done, executing my calendar, getting after my tasks, knocking out a whole bunch
00:59:23.380
of these in day one. And then I'm able to fully engage and be present for my family and other aspects of
00:59:29.940
my life. I love it. What's the quote, better, best, you know, what I'm talking about?
00:59:39.620
I just heard like good, good, better, best, but I don't know if there's a good, but don't let,
00:59:44.320
don't let better like sacrifice your best or I don't know.
00:59:50.100
Yeah. I mean, there's, there's the, you know, like good is good as the enemy of great and things like
00:59:53.660
that. I think they're all kind of along the same lines of, you know, don't settle. A lot of people
00:59:58.880
have, you know, it's good. It's okay. I'm not interested in that.
01:00:02.200
I should be doing this, but it's not the, the thing you should be doing. Yeah.
01:00:06.920
Or, or you've done something and you know, as we're, again, I'm going back to the canoe
01:00:12.100
because there's so many lessons there, you know, I was working on it and it wasn't great. The epoxy,
01:00:16.760
the third coat of epoxy we did wasn't great. And my wife came down. I'm like, well, take a look at it.
01:00:21.320
And she came down and she's like, it's amazing. It looks so great. You did so good. I'm like, no,
01:00:25.300
no, I really didn't. It doesn't look good. I don't like it. She's like, well,
01:00:27.780
you've never done it before. I don't care. That's not a reason for it to be less than I'm
01:00:32.840
capable of. So we redid it. And now it looks significantly better. I'm very proud of the
01:00:38.060
way that it turned out because I'm not going to settle for it because I know it's like, well,
01:00:42.400
I've never done it before. So I guess like, it's okay. No, it's not okay.
01:00:45.680
Well, it's going to bother you too. You'd be like a third coat of epoxy.
01:00:49.640
Right. Right. And it's not okay. It's not, it's not, it's not okay to do less than you're capable of.
01:00:55.460
Yeah. I know we need to afford ourselves some grace and things are, and to go back to
01:00:59.540
expectations, things are going to take longer and they're going to be harder and they're not
01:01:03.720
going to turn out the way that you like. So yes, you have to be aware of those, those things,
01:01:07.960
but also do your best. Yeah. The best you can do, do that.
01:01:13.300
To, to, to clear that all up, I, and maybe wrap that up. I like that because, you know,
01:01:19.500
do your best. And then we talked about expectations, like, you know, might have unrealistic
01:01:23.640
expectation or not unrealistic, but certain expectations are. I mean, Matt, what's great
01:01:28.360
about what you said earlier, it's being aware of them. So you can prioritize and do your best.
01:01:34.900
Yeah. That that's really what resetting expectation is, is saying, okay, well, hold on. It's assessment
01:01:40.220
is what it is. It's saying, okay, these are the things that I'm wanting to get done, but are they
01:01:45.160
the things I should be doing? Are they in the top priority? And then getting clarity around it versus
01:01:50.860
this, you know, this natural tendency that we have in life of like, well, I'll just do it more.
01:01:55.420
Or I, you know what I mean? I can have it all. It's like, no, there's a, there's a price for all
01:01:59.080
things. So what are you willing to adjust? What's the priority? And then do your best in those things
01:02:04.240
that you've identified. Right. Yeah. You don't have to do it all. Right. Yeah. And sometimes we,
01:02:09.720
as men believe we do have to do everything. No, you have to make conscious decisions. And sometimes you
01:02:15.080
have to say, no, like I was talking to you earlier about, you know, sometimes I would have loved to
01:02:19.220
have gone and done that, but that's not in the cards right now. I'm not getting, no.
01:02:23.520
And my nose or nose and my yeses or yeses. And whenever I do anything, but that I always,
01:02:28.900
I always feel crappy about it because I either let something go or I feel guilty because I feel like
01:02:34.300
I should be doing something else or I let somebody down my nose or nose, my yeses or yeses. And it's
01:02:39.940
so much better that way. Yeah. And you're not being fully committed. I I'm assuming a lot of those
01:02:44.440
cases where you're trying to, you know what I mean? Take on too much. Yeah, definitely.
01:02:48.400
All right. Well, cool. Well, let's wrap it up. Yep. Yep. So we got the,
01:02:52.620
we filled our questions today from Instagram as well as from our Facebook group. Yeah. That Facebook
01:02:57.880
group to join us there, go to facebook.com slash group slash order of man to follow Mr. Mickler on
01:03:03.540
Instagram, go to at Ryan Mickler. That's M I C H L E R. And it's a new quarter as of, well,
01:03:12.120
our new quarter in the iron council starts today. Yeah. So it's not too late. If you want to band with us,
01:03:18.380
in the second quarter of highly effective, uh, highly effectiveness, um, and be held more
01:03:24.920
accountable and to drive forward, join us in the iron council, that's order of man.com slash iron
01:03:31.100
council to learn more. Um, also related to what we do in the iron council is our battle plans and you
01:03:38.460
can, um, pick up your battle planner from our store. Actually, hold on before you say that, let me,
01:03:44.300
let me, let me plug something else along those lines. Yeah. Check out our new battle planning app.
01:03:49.280
Yep. Yep. Go check that out. If you go to 12 week battle planner, the number 12, so 12 week battle
01:03:54.980
planner, it's going to pull up the option for Android and Apple devices. And you can pull up the
01:04:00.460
digital battle planner, which is a very, very cool and comprehensive app to keep you on track this
01:04:05.480
quarter. Yeah. And that's the app that we use within the iron council. So if you can't join us in
01:04:11.660
the IC, but you kind of want to join us on this path of, of being more effective men, just download
01:04:17.400
that, that battle planner app, you know, and start the new quarter today. So, um, and as always band
01:04:23.900
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01:04:30.620
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01:04:37.620
Right. And leave your ratings reviews. That's a lot to do guys, but, uh, you have your marching
01:04:42.920
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01:04:48.040
uh, we'll be back on Friday for our Friday field notes, but until then go out there, take action,
01:04:53.040
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01:04:57.480
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01:05:01.280
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