Order of Man - September 02, 2022


Learn to Let Go ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats

Length

18 minutes

Words per Minute

175.37823

Word Count

3,296

Sentence Count

197

Hate Speech Sentences

1


Summary

You are a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly charge your own path. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly charge
00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:17.180 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.740 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Brian Michler.
00:00:27.740 I'm your host, and I'm the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome here. I don't
00:00:32.920 know how long you've been with us. Maybe you've been listening in for over seven years now. Maybe
00:00:38.000 you've been listening for seven days or seven minutes or whatever, but regardless, glad that
00:00:43.180 you're here. This is your Friday field notes. I'm going to give you something that I would
00:00:46.700 have you consider chewing on. I think when I started Order of Man, it started with me walking
00:00:55.980 the path with you and trying to figure out this thing that we call masculinity and manliness and
00:01:02.980 manhood together. I think over the past several years, it became something that I almost in a way
00:01:12.340 was preaching to you that I had things figured out and maybe led you to believe in a way that I
00:01:22.240 knew more than I did or was doing better than I am. And I'm really evaluating that in my life over
00:01:28.820 the past little bit and thinking about what I want this movement to be and what it's been in the past
00:01:33.600 and what it turned into and also what it has the potential to become moving forward. And what I want
00:01:39.880 to reiterate and reestablish in this movement is that I am here walking the path with you.
00:01:46.220 Um, I've had some, some personal things that I've been dealing with, uh, some relational things I've
00:01:52.780 been dealing with and I'll explain some of those when the time is right, but I'm learning that I
00:02:00.800 don't have everything all figured out and I'm not as good or wonderful as I thought I was. So I've,
00:02:09.120 I've really evaluated over the past little while, what I need to do to work on and what I need to
00:02:15.500 improve and, and how I can walk shoulder to shoulder, brother to brother with you. It's amazing.
00:02:21.860 As I've talked with confidants and close friends and, and people I admire and respect in different
00:02:27.740 facets of life, as I've shared the things that I've been experiencing in my life, uh, how many things
00:02:35.180 they've been experiencing, not for the better that I had no idea about. And what I realized is that we,
00:02:42.180 as men don't talk about these issues, you know, all of us are running around and we put on the smile
00:02:48.540 and we put on the show and maybe we look good. Uh, maybe we try to present ourselves through,
00:02:54.700 uh, our, our financial acumen or success or even lack thereof. And we try to present ourselves in a
00:03:00.660 certain light and we want everybody else to believe that we have it figured out and that we're good.
00:03:05.620 And what I'm realizing personally, and what I'm realizing is I talk with my friends and confidants
00:03:11.440 that nobody's good. There are so many men who are struggling with different things in their life
00:03:18.740 and none of us are willing to talk about it. So I wanted to give you a thought today, uh,
00:03:25.220 something that I've been chewing on for the past little bit. And I, and I think it will help.
00:03:29.820 I hope it will help. If you guys have additional ideas that will help me or other people who tune in
00:03:33.540 and listen, then I would love to hear those things. And we have ways to communicate. Uh,
00:03:37.260 the Facebook group is a great way to do that. Facebook.com slash group slash order of man,
00:03:41.700 um, hitting me up on Instagram. I'm not as active as I once was over there, but, uh, you can hit me
00:03:46.940 up on Instagram and send me a message. I try to get back to those things. Uh, you could also consider
00:03:51.580 joining the iron council, which is our exclusive band of brothers, where it's, uh, more structured and
00:03:56.400 organized. We're holding each other accountable and trying to excel in our lives. Uh, that's going to be
00:04:01.760 opening up in mid September. So you can check that out at order of man.com slash iron council. But let
00:04:09.340 me share with you, uh, an idea, a concept that I don't have figured out and I'm not great at. In fact,
00:04:17.000 I'm horrible at it and I need to improve. And I don't even have the seven part formula or whatever
00:04:22.940 it might be to, to have you take notes. I I'm just riffing here, but the thing that I've really,
00:04:28.860 really struggled with in my life for as long as I can remember is letting go, learning to let go
00:04:36.340 is doing the work that I can do the physical work, the mental work, the emotional, the spiritual work,
00:04:42.940 doing the work that I can do and trusting that it will be okay. Trusting that it will be enough
00:04:50.600 trusting that, or even just coming to terms with the fact that there's nothing more you can do about
00:04:57.120 it. The world has a say, other people have a say, God has a say, and there's just not a whole lot that
00:05:06.780 we can do after we've done what we can do. And as a man who prides himself on being a high achiever,
00:05:16.840 somebody who wants to help and to serve other people, somebody who thinks they have a good path.
00:05:26.020 It's very difficult for me just to let go of the result. I, I feel like I can create it and will
00:05:33.500 it into existence. And in many ways I can, you know, if, if, if you're working out, for example,
00:05:40.160 and some of you may notice, some of you have commented. I look a little leaner. I look a little
00:05:45.180 better, maybe a little bit more vibrant, my skin, my hair, whatever. Uh, that's because I've been
00:05:50.020 very active in trying to build up my, my physical fitness to the level that it once was.
00:05:57.300 And when you do the work, you really don't have to, what I've noticed is worried too much about
00:06:03.560 the results because the results will speak for themselves. The problem is that we as a type
00:06:12.100 personalities and high achieving type men want our results. Like we want it to work out the way that
00:06:19.880 we want it to work. It's our plan. And if it deviates from that, then we try to manipulate.
00:06:27.260 We try to dominate. We try to coerce and strong arm and use the skills that we have,
00:06:35.600 not for the betterment of other people, but in a way to subjugate other people, to get them to
00:06:41.760 comply with us. And it doesn't work. And then it feels like we're banging our head against the wall
00:06:51.280 because we're not achieving the results that we feel like we deserve or that we can wail into
00:06:58.000 existence. And what I'm trying to learn and I'm trying to implement in my life is that sure,
00:07:03.380 we should have goals and we should have desires and ambitions and things that we want to accomplish.
00:07:07.440 And we should be thinking about our futures and planning those things. And then we should be
00:07:11.800 reverse engineering into the actions that are good. Now, will they produce favorable results?
00:07:20.240 More than likely they will, but not always at the tempo, the speed, the pace,
00:07:24.920 and not even always in the same direction. But those of us who want to control, I think,
00:07:32.760 and this is what I'm trying to do myself, is to trust that if we're doing good things,
00:07:40.240 good and righteous things, that good and righteous results will follow. Even though we may not know
00:07:46.960 what they are, even though it may not be in accordance what we think we should have or what
00:07:53.240 we deserve, but that if we're doing good and righteous things in our lives, that good and
00:07:58.580 righteous results will follow. So what are the good and righteous things? Well, it's the things
00:08:02.800 we've been talking about for seven years. And we all do them from time to time to varying degrees.
00:08:08.600 And you all know what they are. It's getting up early. It's putting the phone down. It's trying
00:08:14.380 to stay off social media as best you can, getting your body moving. Maybe it's a workout. Maybe it's
00:08:19.260 going for a walk. I've been going for a walk just about every day, maybe every day, but if not,
00:08:25.220 it's just about every day for the last 30 days. And it's not a long walk. It takes me 25 minutes
00:08:30.780 or so. And I take the dogs out and they stretch their legs and I stretch my legs and I pray and
00:08:36.820 I think about what I want to accomplish during the day. And I think about what I haven't accomplished
00:08:41.840 or what I need to be working on. And that's a great way to start the day. Another thing we can be
00:08:46.780 doing is planning. Another thing we can be doing is spending time with the people that we actually
00:08:50.120 care about and love and show them our love and help them feel loved. Work out. I said that. Eat
00:08:57.440 right. Feel your body correctly. Stop putting all the garbage and debris and filth and nonsense
00:09:02.840 into your body because it just doesn't do good things. It's not good and righteous. We know that.
00:09:09.900 And yet we still partake in it. Pursuing your career aspirations. Those are righteous things.
00:09:14.880 As long as you're working to serve other people, reading scripture, praying to God, meditating,
00:09:20.880 like we all know what they are. And, and I would challenge you as I've challenged myself over the
00:09:26.140 last 30 days, and I have room for improvement for sure, but I would challenge you to think about what
00:09:32.220 those activities are and just jot them down. Maybe it's five or six things that you want to do on a
00:09:37.000 daily basis. Jot those things down and then just make a commitment to hit those things,
00:09:41.800 those five or six things every single day. Now to go back to this concept of manipulation
00:09:50.360 and domination of other people. I know that I do that in my life and it isn't because I want to hurt
00:09:58.280 people. It isn't because I don't care about those people. In fact, I carry very much about those people
00:10:04.800 I interact with. I just feel like I know what's best and how arrogant is that? Not only arrogant
00:10:13.660 for myself, that I know what's best for my own life, which I don't because yes, I'm 41 years old,
00:10:20.320 but I still have a long way to go. But how arrogant is it for me to believe that I know what's best for
00:10:27.540 other people personally and professionally. Now there's situations where you're in charge of that to some
00:10:32.800 degree. I'm thinking about a parenting relationship, for example, as a father, you do have to think
00:10:38.140 about what's best for your children and you have to make decisions on their behalf. But outside of
00:10:45.340 that, I mean, I guess maybe an employee relationship to some degree, you need to give them opportunities
00:10:51.580 and let them grow and learn and develop so I could see that. But outside of that, you don't know.
00:10:57.960 I don't know. I don't know what's best for other people. I can give them advice. I can give them
00:11:02.200 direction. Better yet, I can ask great questions and help them come to conclusions on their own.
00:11:07.960 But what I've been realizing, and this is the point I wanted to share with you about learning to let go.
00:11:13.020 I've been really examining my own life and thinking about why is it that I feel the need to manipulate
00:11:19.180 and dominate other people in order to achieve this outcome? And the reality is, as much as I hate to
00:11:27.040 admit it, is that it's a self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence issue. That there's so many
00:11:37.340 insecurities that I have in my own life that I'm not willing to really examine those and ask myself
00:11:46.040 how I can change and improve. And instead, I can look at what everybody else is doing or isn't doing
00:11:52.460 and say, you need to do this. You need to do that. You need to stop doing this. You'd be better if
00:11:57.740 here's a better plan. And it's exhausting. It's exhausting for me to attempt to, you know,
00:12:08.920 manipulate the strings of the puppet. And it's exhausting for those people.
00:12:13.860 You know, you don't, you don't like receiving unsolicited feedback. You don't like constantly
00:12:19.720 being pestered and poked at and preached to. And yet I do it because of some self-esteem issues
00:12:27.200 that I've had in my life. And, and I think based on the conversations I've had to go back to my
00:12:33.660 previous thoughts, there's a lot of us out there as men who have self-esteem issues
00:12:39.980 and we haven't come to terms with it, but I'm learning that as I examine those things as
00:12:48.920 brutally painful as it is, and it is brutal guys, it is brutal, but as brutally painful as it is,
00:12:59.020 it's really the only way to produce those good and righteous results, but also to let go of the
00:13:07.440 things that we can't control the things that are beyond our control, other people, external
00:13:14.280 circumstances, what God's will and plan is. I am an ant when it comes to the way that I can,
00:13:27.000 or have the ability to exert myself on this world. I mean, think about the ant for a second.
00:13:32.280 My son, a couple of, uh, about a month or so ago, got a little ant, an ant farm and the ants are
00:13:40.740 scurrying around and they're pulling these, these little grains of sand and they're so small. You
00:13:46.180 can barely see these grains of sand, but to the ant, they're huge. They're like half the size of
00:13:51.280 the ant. It would be like us picking up a, a two or 300 pound boulder or maybe even heavier.
00:13:57.700 But from our vantage point, they're just ants and you can barely even see that little grain of sand.
00:14:06.280 Well, guys, where are the ants? Right. I run around life and I think about what I'm doing and I think
00:14:12.820 I'm special and I think I'm important. And I think I'm making my quote unquote dent in the world.
00:14:18.000 And then I realize I'm an ant. I am nothing in the grand scheme of things. Now that doesn't mean
00:14:26.360 that I have no self-worth as a human, as a divine being. It just means that we're not as great and
00:14:33.800 grand as we think we are. We're ants. And the reason I share that with you is because we, we,
00:14:40.300 we don't have as much control as we think we do. And we need to learn to let go of easy for me to say
00:14:47.680 infinitely harder for me to do. I'm going through those battles in my life right now. How do I let
00:14:53.500 go? I don't have the exact answer for you. I'm just trying. I'm trying to let go of what other people
00:15:05.720 experience, trying to let go of what they think of me, trying to let go of wanting to exert myself,
00:15:12.920 this ant going against this, this, this cosmic divine experience. And in order to do that,
00:15:22.380 the only thing I can come up with right now is really to examine how I feel about myself.
00:15:27.220 And it isn't always pretty. It's rough, but it's a good exercise. And although I don't know where it
00:15:40.660 leads and have no control over where it leads, I know it will lead to a good and righteous place
00:15:46.500 because it's good and righteous behavior. So I'm going to continue to examine myself. I'm going to
00:15:53.040 continue to examine my self-esteem issues. You can go back and listen to the podcast. When I talk
00:15:59.520 about bridging the integrity gap, there's a lot of information in there that I need to go back and
00:16:03.760 review myself. Go back and listen, bridging the integrity gap. I've done quite a few podcasts on
00:16:11.340 that because I think that's going to help build up the self-worth and the self-confidence and help you
00:16:18.820 let go of the need to control, dominate, and manipulate everything. Like I feel the need to.
00:16:23.960 So guys, that's my message for you today. Again, I'm just giving you something to chew on.
00:16:28.680 I know in the past, it's like, here's 10 steps you can do to achieve ultimate success.
00:16:35.760 Podcast is going to be a little different moving forward. It's not going to be, let me tell you all
00:16:40.000 the wonderful things you should be doing and how I'm doing it. It's going to be like,
00:16:43.280 men, brother to brother, shoulder to shoulder, as iron sharpens iron, let's do this together.
00:16:50.500 I'm in the pit with you trying to figure this all out. So you're going to notice some changes.
00:16:56.420 I'm excited about those changes. I'm nervous about those changes. Who likes change? But I'm also
00:17:02.240 going to learn to let go of the result and what you might think of me for better or worse.
00:17:07.920 I hope that helps. I hope that gives you something to consider. I would challenge you again
00:17:12.340 to look at those five or six things that you want to incorporate in your life on a daily basis that
00:17:16.660 are good and righteous behaviors or behaviors that will lead to good and righteous results.
00:17:21.160 And I would challenge you to one other thing. Last week, I talked about checking in on your
00:17:25.660 brothers. I would challenge you to actually do that. If you haven't done that, do that.
00:17:33.360 If there's another guy that you're associated with, brother or father, a friend, colleague,
00:17:38.700 coworker, who's on your heart, who's in your mind, reach out to that guy and share your own
00:17:45.320 personal struggles. Because what that does is it helps you because you're sharing, but it also helps
00:17:50.320 that other guy because it gives him permission to share. And he might have something burning that he
00:17:54.900 needs to share. And if you give him the opportunity to do that, man, what a powerful way to serve as we
00:18:00.420 should. All right, guys, we'll be back next week for our interview. If you're just tuning in,
00:18:05.800 make sure you subscribe, whether it's on YouTube or wherever you're listening to podcasts, Spotify,
00:18:10.360 iTunes, whatever, and take a screenshot, share this with somebody else who needs to hear the message.
00:18:15.560 And I would also suggest that you take these lessons and you riff on them with somebody else.
00:18:20.020 If there's somebody in your corner and you're like, Hey, you know, I'd like to talk with you or,
00:18:23.100 or have some sort of accountability with you. Maybe these topics are the things that you guys can
00:18:27.040 address. And so hopefully we can give you a little, a little, a little fuel for the fire.
00:18:31.640 All right, guys, we'll be back next week. Until then, go out there,
00:18:33.860 take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man
00:18:39.380 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
00:18:44.120 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.