Order of Man - April 16, 2025


Learning to Let Go, Choose Yourself, and Earn Your Kids' Trust ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING


Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 1 minute

Words per minute

172.11679

Word count

10,611

Sentence count

870

Harmful content

Misogyny

9

sentences flagged

Hate speech

3

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about how to deal with chaos and clutter in your life and how to manage it so that you can be the best version of yourself. We also talk about the importance of not dwelling on mistakes and how you can learn from them.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 There are times where we have relationships
00:00:02.640 where all that we can do is double down
00:00:05.500 on making sure the way that we show up
00:00:07.860 in the relationship is the correct way.
00:00:09.940 And whether it is being received right away
00:00:12.200 or not by them, let it go.
00:00:14.140 Because sometimes the expectation of like,
00:00:16.260 oh, she still has this issue.
00:00:17.860 Oh, she's still holding on.
00:00:18.900 It will almost like become the issue
00:00:22.300 because you have this expectation
00:00:23.620 that it shouldn't be that way anymore.
00:00:25.620 When in reality, sometimes these things take a while.
00:00:28.840 And I've found power in my life when I just go,
00:00:32.540 hey, how do I need to be showing up day in and day out?
00:00:37.260 Agnostic of how they receive it.
00:00:41.160 You're a man of action.
00:00:42.860 You live life to the fullest.
00:00:44.300 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:47.240 When life knocks you down,
00:00:48.600 you get back up one more time, every time.
00:00:51.680 You are not easily deterred or defeated,
00:00:54.000 rugged, resilient, strong.
00:00:56.760 This is your life.
00:00:57.580 This is who you are.
00:00:59.200 This is who you will become at the end of the day.
00:01:01.980 And after all is said and done,
00:01:03.920 you can call yourself a man.
00:01:09.280 Kip, what's up, man?
00:01:10.340 Great to see you.
00:01:11.480 I've been thinking about this.
00:01:13.020 You know, we've talked about it.
00:01:14.220 I didn't do my morning routine today.
00:01:16.760 And it is amazing how quickly you can get off track
00:01:20.940 and off schedule when you don't do your morning routine.
00:01:23.300 Man, it is powerful.
00:01:24.900 And you have a crazy, crazy Monday.
00:01:27.460 You're like, oh, man.
00:01:29.300 I know.
00:01:30.460 Well, my mom's been in town and the kids were here, you know,
00:01:34.180 and the house is chaotic.
00:01:35.980 And all the kids wanted to buzz their heads
00:01:38.900 and bleach them yesterday.
00:01:40.220 And it's fine.
00:01:42.340 It's great.
00:01:43.220 But it is a lot.
00:01:44.680 And now I'm playing catch up.
00:01:46.340 And I've also noticed for myself,
00:01:48.240 I really spend some time reflecting and thinking about how I operate best.
00:01:53.600 And clutter and chaos is my enemy.
00:01:57.220 Oh, my goodness.
00:01:57.960 Like, I cannot have stuff lying around.
00:02:01.740 My bed's got to be made.
00:02:03.240 My car's got to be clean.
00:02:05.460 I don't want trash in the doors.
00:02:07.400 But I think part of that is, part of it is good.
00:02:09.960 But the other part of it is just my desire to control everything.
00:02:13.020 And I got to let some of that go a little bit.
00:02:15.320 Otherwise, I will literally have a heart attack.
00:02:17.960 Yeah.
00:02:18.840 Work up from the same cloth.
00:02:20.240 I struggle with that a lot.
00:02:21.820 That stuff bothers me.
00:02:23.700 I was the kid, I realized this in high school,
00:02:28.620 when I couldn't do my homework until my room was clean.
00:02:33.620 Like, my surroundings needed to be addressed for me to sit down and do deep work.
00:02:40.840 Even though back then we didn't call it deep work.
00:02:42.860 But it's like, for me to sit down and focus,
00:02:45.160 I had to have an organized surrounding.
00:02:47.720 I'm sure there's some psychological disease or classification for that.
00:02:52.060 But I'm still the same way.
00:02:55.760 Yeah, I'm still the same way.
00:02:57.020 That stuff really bothers me.
00:02:58.580 And it doesn't help when we read a book called Essentialism that helps reiterate that
00:03:03.080 we should probably get rid of all the clutter and all the crap in our lives.
00:03:06.960 I just feel justified when I read that book.
00:03:09.000 Because I'm like, it's true.
00:03:10.440 All these things bother me.
00:03:12.320 And I need to get rid of them and simplify things.
00:03:15.800 Well, I think it's like anything.
00:03:18.100 Your greatest strength can also be your greatest weakness.
00:03:20.800 And if your strength is organization and focus and a distraction-free environment
00:03:28.180 and you know that about yourself and everything has a place.
00:03:31.260 I remember when I was growing up, my mom would say,
00:03:33.420 a place for everything and everything in its place.
00:03:36.280 That was the phrase around my house.
00:03:38.960 But if it gets to the point where it agitates you or consumes you
00:03:44.320 or makes you a miserable person around other people,
00:03:47.520 which I've certainly been as I'm like cleaning because like I'll literally follow people around
00:03:51.920 and clean up their crap because I can't deal with it.
00:03:54.880 Or if it's a coping mechanism is something it could be too,
00:03:58.360 where you're not really actually addressing problems.
00:04:01.040 You're just cleaning things, feeling productive.
00:04:03.860 To feel better instead of addressing the issue.
00:04:06.160 Yeah.
00:04:06.880 Maybe distraction.
00:04:08.000 Yeah, for sure.
00:04:08.900 Anyway, something to consider.
00:04:10.340 But that's where I'm at today.
00:04:11.880 Yeah.
00:04:12.180 I got you.
00:04:13.140 I got you.
00:04:13.920 Yeah, man.
00:04:14.240 Well, we got some good questions today from both the Iron Council and the Facebook group.
00:04:19.440 Should we jump right into them?
00:04:21.280 Let's get into it, man.
00:04:22.380 Let's get after it.
00:04:22.800 All right.
00:04:22.820 Excellent.
00:04:23.620 All right.
00:04:23.940 Aaron Cobb.
00:04:25.180 I find value in reviewing my life's decisions almost like an audit
00:04:29.660 in the context of not dwelling on mistakes but opportunity costs.
00:04:37.120 Do you ever look back over your life and gauge your success?
00:04:40.300 If so, where do you think either of you would be had if you had not learned into the principles
00:04:52.000 of the Iron Council?
00:04:53.880 Got it.
00:04:54.700 Got it.
00:04:55.780 Yeah.
00:04:56.000 I mean, what you're talking about is a foundational element of the battle planning system.
00:05:01.180 You're talking about the after action review.
00:05:02.920 And usually when we talk about the after action review, we're generally addressing it from
00:05:10.220 the macro, what to look for after a 90-day cycle, for example.
00:05:15.940 I don't personally exclusively do that.
00:05:19.320 I'm doing an after action review every single day.
00:05:22.760 And I do an after action review after every conversation, discussion, project, thing, coaching.
00:05:31.360 I mean, you name it.
00:05:32.260 I'm always analyzing my performance.
00:05:35.160 And to his point, you don't analyze your performance to beat yourself up.
00:05:40.640 Too many of us do that.
00:05:41.900 We just analyze it to see objectively, as objective as you possibly can be when you're looking at
00:05:48.120 it yourself, what you can do to improve, where you fell short, how you would tweak your performance
00:05:55.380 in the future, and then generally just get better.
00:05:59.340 So if you're asking, where would I be if I didn't have that principle of the after action
00:06:05.720 review inside the Iron Council?
00:06:07.060 I don't know, obviously, but I would not be nearly as far along as I am.
00:06:12.060 And I would be stuck in ruts.
00:06:15.020 I'd be banging my head against the wall and not producing the results that I desire.
00:06:19.420 I would probably be frustrated in life knowing that there was something more or have a feeling
00:06:25.720 for more, but not quite know how to have it.
00:06:30.420 And I think there's a lot of men who are in that same position where they're like the hamster
00:06:35.920 on the wheel, man.
00:06:36.960 They're grinding and grinding and grinding.
00:06:39.400 They're getting up and giving themselves barely enough time to go into work and do work they
00:06:44.440 don't like, but they work hard.
00:06:46.140 And then they're told, well, just work harder if you're not making it.
00:06:49.140 And then they come home and they're in a relationship where they don't communicate and they don't
00:06:53.220 have intimacy or connection.
00:06:55.200 And then they're just frustrated.
00:06:56.960 I've been there.
00:06:57.900 And the key, there are a few keys, but one of the keys is this after-action review process.
00:07:06.040 And very simply, it's five questions.
00:07:08.740 What did I get done?
00:07:10.960 What did I not get done?
00:07:13.380 What did I do well?
00:07:15.380 What did I not do well?
00:07:17.320 And what will I do better next time?
00:07:19.600 So for example, my oldest son asked if I'd come help do a little bit of coaching for lacrosse.
00:07:25.340 Now, I don't know a thing about lacrosse, but I know how to read defenses.
00:07:29.360 I understand defense.
00:07:30.740 I can see a field really well.
00:07:32.700 I like the strategy behind it.
00:07:34.500 I have a passion for actually coaching youth sports.
00:07:39.220 And so I was invited to go help this weekend, just run some defensive drills and talk with
00:07:44.420 the boys about pursuits and different kind of checks and when to pursue and when to sit
00:07:49.500 and all the things that go along with the principles of defense and sports.
00:07:52.880 And a lot of it went really well.
00:07:56.080 After the practice session, I reviewed my performance.
00:08:02.900 What did I get done?
00:08:03.960 Well, I taught those boys how to slide better, which is basically synonymous with shifting
00:08:09.280 to help each other out on defense.
00:08:12.720 We had some good conversations about footwork and seeing the entire field.
00:08:17.580 What did I not get done?
00:08:18.720 Well, there was a couple of drills that I had prepared that we just didn't have time to get to.
00:08:22.240 Okay, that's fine.
00:08:23.640 Maybe that's next time.
00:08:25.140 What went well?
00:08:26.040 I feel like I was pretty, I was good with the boys.
00:08:29.500 I know a lot of them anyways.
00:08:30.980 So I was able to build rapport with the boys where there was an added level of trust.
00:08:36.020 What did I not do so well?
00:08:37.580 There was a couple of boys that I noticed, not because of anything I think I said, but
00:08:42.540 they seemed to be the kind of young men who got down and hard on themselves unreasonably
00:08:49.020 quickly.
00:08:50.800 And I wasn't aware of that fast enough.
00:08:53.800 So the way that I communicated some things specifically to them could have been done with
00:08:58.600 a little bit more understanding of that.
00:09:01.220 I wasn't rude or anything.
00:09:02.360 But after the practice, I asked my son.
00:09:04.140 He's like, oh yeah, they get down on themselves.
00:09:06.200 I'm like, okay, good.
00:09:06.980 That's good to know.
00:09:07.740 I need to know that about those two boys because I need to communicate with them differently.
00:09:11.920 And then what will I do next time?
00:09:13.720 Communicate differently with those boys.
00:09:16.700 Plan the times of the practice out a little better so that I'm hitting all the goals and
00:09:22.160 targets and the next practice will go better because of that.
00:09:25.660 So there's an example of what that might look like.
00:09:29.160 Yeah.
00:09:29.660 I mean, obviously the AER is very much part of my life as well.
00:09:33.800 Um, a little outside of Aaron's question, but I think it's really profound and I've never
00:09:40.140 made this connection until today, um, until just now, you know, of late, I've been really
00:09:46.720 pondering on the importance of the power of choice and how often you kind of alluded to
00:09:54.600 it at the beginning of the, of the response to his question around how so many people are
00:10:00.620 operating in the hamster wheel of life and they're not making conscious choices around
00:10:07.020 what they're doing.
00:10:08.320 They're doing the job.
00:10:09.540 Why?
00:10:09.900 Cause they feel like they have to, they're doing the thing at home.
00:10:13.900 Why?
00:10:14.320 Because if I don't, my wife, blah, like they're not consciously making choices.
00:10:20.260 They're constantly being acted upon by everybody.
00:10:23.060 And when life goes sideways, it's like they're hopeless because they're not owning the decisions
00:10:30.600 that they're making in life.
00:10:33.080 The after action review forces us to take choice.
00:10:39.140 Okay.
00:10:39.620 What did I do?
00:10:40.300 What did I not do?
00:10:40.980 Well, what am I going to do moving forward?
00:10:43.500 What do you mean?
00:10:44.460 Do I, I didn't know it was up to me, Ryan.
00:10:46.900 I thought I was just being, I was just doing what everyone is telling me to do.
00:10:51.040 No, it is really a framework to ensure that you're evaluating, but you're stepping into
00:10:57.700 taking ownership of one's life and making choices moving forward versus just being reactionary
00:11:04.960 to everybody, whether at work or at home.
00:11:08.820 And so I never saw that the AR did that, but it's totally a framework to drive the importance
00:11:15.980 of choice and intentionality in one's actions.
00:11:18.340 You know, on, on that same line too, Kip is one thing that we often see in men is their
00:11:26.040 unwillingness to accept responsibility for their situation.
00:11:29.460 And you're talking about that and what they'll usually do, not usually, but a lot of people,
00:11:35.280 maybe a majority of people will push off blame and responsibility on others.
00:11:41.160 But what I like about this after action review process is because there's two op, there's two
00:11:46.980 ends of the extreme, extreme ownership.
00:11:49.820 I take everything and all of it.
00:11:52.240 It's like, well, hold up.
00:11:53.100 Like there are other factors at play here that are beyond your control.
00:11:57.240 And the other one is take no responsibility whatsoever.
00:12:00.220 I have nothing to do with this.
00:12:01.580 It was all their fault, all that fault, all this.
00:12:04.040 Yeah.
00:12:04.480 And it lands somewhere in the middle.
00:12:07.220 So if you're doing an after action review, let's say for a project at work, well, what went well?
00:12:13.740 We hit the deadline.
00:12:15.340 Okay.
00:12:15.480 What didn't go well?
00:12:16.420 We only got 80% of our project achieved.
00:12:20.000 We wanted to do more, build in these features or services, but we couldn't get it.
00:12:24.840 Okay.
00:12:25.500 Why didn't that go well?
00:12:26.720 Well, Bob was late on his delivery and that caused the entire mission to go sideways.
00:12:32.860 Okay.
00:12:33.080 Now here's where it gets valuable because that might be true.
00:12:36.800 Maybe Bob was late on what he was supposed to deliver and it messed up everybody else's
00:12:41.540 timeline.
00:12:42.180 Whether you're in tech or construction, we've all been at the mercy of somebody else being
00:12:46.960 late and then it just ruins everything moving forward.
00:12:49.920 So the last question is, what am I going to do next time?
00:12:52.800 Well, in this case, maybe Bob's no longer back, invited back on the team, or maybe you
00:12:58.300 need to clearly communicate with Bob what he needs to do, or maybe there's some resources
00:13:02.900 that Bob was lacking that if you got those to him, then he would have been able to hit
00:13:07.920 that on time.
00:13:09.380 So I like the after action review because it puts the responsibility on our shoulders, which
00:13:14.160 is where it should be, but it is not ignorant to issues beyond our control or issues
00:13:22.780 that aren't directly our fault, so to speak.
00:13:26.080 When it forces, it forces all the leaders that like read extreme ownership and they wear
00:13:31.420 it like as a badge, you know, it's like, oh, I, hey, Ryan, my bad.
00:13:35.480 I'll take ownership of that.
00:13:36.900 It's like, okay, great.
00:13:38.100 That's great.
00:13:38.660 But what are you taking ownership of specifically?
00:13:43.500 The thing.
00:13:44.380 All of it.
00:13:45.400 Okay.
00:13:45.700 Well, that's not an AAR.
00:13:46.960 The AAR says, what are you going to do moving forward?
00:13:50.580 So it forces us to identify the area of responsibility, not just this blanketed, I take ownership for
00:13:57.400 all things.
00:13:58.800 The other pitch here based upon the power of AAR is learning.
00:14:05.280 Have you heard of the, it's the 70-20-10 rule that 10% of learning comes from lectures.
00:14:14.640 20% is informal discussion.
00:14:19.120 70% is in the work that you're doing.
00:14:23.460 Most people learn in a heuristic manner in the work that they're doing.
00:14:28.420 And if you're not pausing and going, what went well, what did not go well, what did we learn
00:14:35.620 in the work that we're doing, then we're leaving a ton on the table for us to learn and grow
00:14:41.120 from.
00:14:41.680 And so it works out perfectly even with just learning models.
00:14:46.380 Well, and the pausing thing is so crucial.
00:14:48.500 I was playing, just taking some batting practice with my youngest son over the weekend.
00:14:53.240 And he's in this habit of, instead of stepping forward or stepping to the left or stepping
00:14:58.660 to the right based on where the ball is pitched, he always steps back when he swings, always.
00:15:03.760 So the stance is wider and he moves back and swings?
00:15:07.340 His stance is fine.
00:15:08.260 His stance is fine.
00:15:09.320 But when he swings, that front foot, it steps way back.
00:15:13.460 And so he misses a lot of, because he pulls his bat and he can't reach the ball because
00:15:18.000 he's pulling everything, not just inside pitches, but down the middle and outside pitches.
00:15:22.180 Got it.
00:15:23.040 And we were talking about it.
00:15:25.120 He practices, but he practices incorrectly.
00:15:30.060 He's, he has developed muscle memory and I'm not picking on my son.
00:15:34.140 We all do this.
00:15:35.060 He has developed muscle memory around doing it wrong, doing it incorrectly.
00:15:41.160 And how many times do we as men do that where we're like, well, this is the way we've always
00:15:46.060 done it.
00:15:47.160 Yeah.
00:15:47.400 This is like, just do it harder.
00:15:49.460 Well, let's stop for a second.
00:15:51.720 Is there an easier way?
00:15:53.320 Is there a different way?
00:15:55.200 I mean, that requires humility, but I've never understood why we just refuse to ask for
00:16:04.360 help or get some feedback or look, of course, you know, but look for, but I don't know.
00:16:11.120 But most people would probably disagree, but with my ego statement that I'm going to make
00:16:17.160 here, I, I want to learn, I want to grow.
00:16:21.680 I'd rather drop my ego, ask some questions and win at life or whatever I'm doing, than
00:16:28.280 just keep doing the same dumb thing over again without producing desired results.
00:16:33.600 That's crazy.
00:16:35.020 We're crazy.
00:16:35.640 I love this next question.
00:16:37.720 Hunter Locke.
00:16:39.400 Yeah.
00:16:39.780 Hunter's back in the Iron Council.
00:16:41.300 Captain Locke's back in the, in the IC.
00:16:43.500 Yes, he is.
00:16:44.140 It's nice to see his, his name.
00:16:45.860 Yeah.
00:16:46.040 We've talked a little bit.
00:16:47.040 Yeah.
00:16:47.260 Um, if you could only teach your son one principle to live by, what would it be?
00:16:55.540 I saw this question and then I forgot.
00:16:57.440 I was looking at other questions.
00:16:58.880 Um, one, one thing that I suggested, I think a week or two ago, and this is very much in
00:17:05.320 alignment with what I just said, coachability.
00:17:07.600 Your ability to be coachable, to listen, to learn, to apply, to accept feedback, to look
00:17:19.020 at things critically, to evaluate your performance, to do it differently, do it better, man.
00:17:23.980 I think the people who are coachable in life are, are inevitably going to win.
00:17:29.660 And it's all encompassing too, because, you know, some people might say, well, I want them
00:17:34.200 to be a virtuous, righteous person, of course, sure.
00:17:38.260 But is it, doesn't coachability allow for that?
00:17:40.640 Because if somebody comes to him and says, Hey, you know what you did when you stole from
00:17:44.060 little Timmy was wrong and here's why it's wrong.
00:17:47.020 Then he acknowledges it.
00:17:48.440 If he's coachable and says, Oh yeah, that is wrong.
00:17:51.560 I should do better.
00:17:52.600 And here's why it's important that I show up in a different way.
00:17:56.180 So that, that to me is my knee jerk reaction is coachability.
00:17:59.840 Yeah, I agree.
00:18:01.320 I thought the same exact thing.
00:18:03.360 I thought humility, um, and, and I love this concept.
00:18:07.720 If you don't mind me sharing this really quick, I love the term confident humility.
00:18:13.660 You have to be confident enough to try things, to believe that you could figure it out, have
00:18:20.360 a growth mindset, but humble enough to be coachable.
00:18:25.480 And it's the balance of the two.
00:18:27.460 Here's an interesting concept.
00:18:29.080 And if everyone's interested and they're like, Oh, I want to know more details.
00:18:32.160 I'll send it to you.
00:18:33.020 Just reach out.
00:18:35.200 The number one contributing factor to increase confidence is gratitude.
00:18:41.780 Number one, number one attribute to increase in humility.
00:18:47.780 Gratitude.
00:18:48.400 Gratitude.
00:18:49.200 Yeah.
00:18:49.460 Ironic.
00:18:50.720 Yeah.
00:18:51.200 Yeah.
00:18:51.380 At the center of both increasing confidence as well as increasing humility is your gratitude.
00:18:58.600 Dealing in reality where you are, what's good, where you can improve, et cetera.
00:19:03.240 So confident, humility, coachability, those would, I totally agree.
00:19:06.800 I thought the same exact thing when I read the question.
00:19:09.520 I promise.
00:19:10.200 I like the clarification.
00:19:11.580 Yeah, sure.
00:19:12.440 You're like, I didn't have an answer.
00:19:13.680 So what he said was really good.
00:19:15.400 Yeah, that's good stuff.
00:19:18.100 I like the concept of confident humility.
00:19:20.480 I'm, I'm not a huge fan of like changing words or putting extra words onto things, but, but it's, but we do have to clarify to your point because so many people believe that humility is lacking confidence or it's the absence of confidence.
00:19:38.020 It's the absence, I would say, of ego or pride or being conceited, but humility.
00:19:45.280 In fact, the way I view humility is that you actually have to be a confident individual to be humble.
00:19:52.140 Totally.
00:19:53.000 In fact.
00:19:53.620 Insecure people can't be humble.
00:19:55.800 Exactly.
00:19:56.500 Yeah.
00:19:56.680 I was going to say most people that are insecure are not humble at all.
00:20:00.460 Yeah.
00:20:00.600 They can't, they can't be, you know, and what does, what does that actually look like in practicality?
00:20:04.840 Well, it means if you're at work and you're not performing the way that you'd like, you turn to the guy who is and you ask him, but you have to be confident enough to ask that takes courage and you have to be confident enough that it's not going to undermine who you are.
00:20:21.700 It doesn't speak to who you are.
00:20:23.560 It doesn't make you a bad person or an idiot or any of this kind of stuff.
00:20:27.640 And that requires some, some confidence to be able to do that.
00:20:30.920 But I do like the clarification because I mean, the alternative to that is just being weak and cowardly and that's not humility.
00:20:40.440 Nobody would ever describe that as humility.
00:20:43.180 Yeah.
00:20:43.860 Like if, if, if somebody said to me, and here's a silly example, like, Hey Ryan, where would you like to go to lunch?
00:20:49.160 And I'm just afraid of sharing what's on my mind and speaking up on something as simple as that.
00:20:54.680 If I say, Oh guys, whatever you want, like, that's not humility.
00:20:59.440 That's not me being like serving them.
00:21:01.980 It's me being cowardly.
00:21:04.080 Yeah.
00:21:04.540 I'm afraid of rejection.
00:21:05.880 So if I say, I want to go to X, Y, Z restaurant, I don't want to get rejected.
00:21:10.700 That's not, that's not humility.
00:21:13.440 It's just, it's cowardice.
00:21:14.900 Yeah.
00:21:15.680 You know what?
00:21:16.620 This is reminds me of the word meek because this is another word that's very similar, right?
00:21:22.260 Is people understood and meek as weak when reality is just teachable.
00:21:26.980 Right?
00:21:27.900 Right.
00:21:28.420 Yeah.
00:21:28.760 Yeah.
00:21:29.560 I think so.
00:21:30.920 Good to have you back.
00:21:31.900 Uh, Hunter.
00:21:33.900 Chad Scott, how do you choose between prioritizing yourself and keeping your word to others?
00:21:39.580 If, if the time required to prioritize yourself conflicts with the time you have promised to
00:21:46.960 other people, when do you either break your word or put yourself on the back burner?
00:21:53.240 If I already made the commitment, I think the honorable thing to do is to skip out on your
00:21:59.480 own self wellbeing and do what you said you're going to do.
00:22:02.580 If I already made the commitment.
00:22:03.940 Now, sure.
00:22:05.340 There are exceptions to that.
00:22:06.940 You know, if, um, for example, you know, one of my children has an emergency, but I promised
00:22:12.640 Kip to go over and help you move this weekend.
00:22:14.880 Sorry, pal.
00:22:15.720 Like I'm not going to come help you move.
00:22:18.000 And you would understand that as a reasonable person, I would think.
00:22:21.040 So that's that there are exceptions of course, but generally speaking, if you said you're going
00:22:26.220 to do it, do it.
00:22:27.060 And not only is it because your word is your bond and being a man of your word is important,
00:22:31.420 but also because you need to suffer the consequence of mismanagement of time.
00:22:38.220 And so if I spend four hours helping you move when I had a conflict Kip, but I came over and
00:22:43.680 I did it anyways, what I'm going to do next time is remember, Oh yeah.
00:22:49.640 Last time I did this, I was frustrated.
00:22:52.020 I was mad.
00:22:52.760 I was in a bad mood.
00:22:53.940 I wasn't as productive.
00:22:54.980 I probably made Kip feel bad because he knew I didn't want to be there.
00:22:58.560 And it has to sting a little bit so that I remember the next time somebody asked me for
00:23:03.300 something that conflicts with my own schedule, I'm not so inclined to do it as quickly.
00:23:09.800 So same thing with our kids.
00:23:13.020 I don't want to see my kids suffer, but I'd rather discipline them and have them suffer
00:23:17.460 now in the short term than never learn the lessons for the long haul.
00:23:21.640 Uh, now, as far as prioritization goes beforehand, build your day out first.
00:23:28.700 Yeah.
00:23:29.320 Always build your day out first.
00:23:31.460 What's your morning routine look like?
00:23:33.160 Of course you take into consideration commitments, you know, being, being with your wife and being
00:23:38.240 available for your kids that those are commitments that you've already made.
00:23:41.580 So you have to take those into consideration, but build your day out, build your week out,
00:23:47.520 and then you can plug in where appropriate and also learn to say no.
00:23:54.500 That is a very, very difficult thing to do for men because we want to be valuable.
00:23:59.300 We derive our sense of worth from being useful to other people.
00:24:03.620 And so when somebody says, Hey, can you help me move?
00:24:06.660 I feel flattered.
00:24:09.340 Not always excited about it, but I'm flattered.
00:24:11.580 You thought I was capable enough to come help you move, or I have the truck and the resources
00:24:15.740 at my disposal that you don't have yourself.
00:24:18.420 That's a flattering thing.
00:24:20.100 Yeah.
00:24:21.140 But also if it's going to conflict with what I need to get done, then it's, it's a no,
00:24:27.540 or it's a different time.
00:24:29.520 So you might make a compromise if, again, I'm just using the moving things as a scenario.
00:24:34.920 If you said, Hey, Kip, can, or Hey Ryan, can you help me move on Saturday at noon?
00:24:41.280 Well, I, let's say hypothetically, I have a prior commitment from noon to two.
00:24:47.120 Well, Hey Kip, I can't come at noon.
00:24:49.540 I'm already committed to doing something that's on my schedule, but if it would help, I can come
00:24:54.440 from two to four.
00:24:55.580 Would that be helpful?
00:24:56.480 And so you can make your compromises if what somebody is asking is important.
00:25:03.120 And if they're important to you, then I would say you can compromise that, but don't ever
00:25:07.160 compromise your own schedule outside of those few exceptions that exist.
00:25:12.440 Yeah.
00:25:13.100 Spot on.
00:25:14.200 All right.
00:25:14.800 Jeremy, Kofi, what's, Hey, can I say one other thing?
00:25:18.040 Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
00:25:18.720 I had two friends in the last, um, in the last, uh, couple of, well, three or four days
00:25:26.020 talk to me about some marriage issues that they're dealing with.
00:25:30.000 And they reached out to me because I've gone through it myself and might be able to give
00:25:35.080 some context to it.
00:25:36.120 I'm not a marriage expert, but I have some context and maybe some insight based on my
00:25:40.420 own personal experience and they both wanted to talk about these things after hours in
00:25:48.260 the evening.
00:25:48.620 And then on the weekend, well, I don't do calls on the evenings in the evenings.
00:25:52.740 I have games and sports and, and I don't do calls on the weekends cause that's my time
00:25:58.080 to enjoy the weekend with my kids or, you know, my, my hobbies and activities.
00:26:02.120 But in these cases, those are two men that I care about and they're two men who are hurting.
00:26:09.660 Yeah.
00:26:09.840 So you better believe I made an exception for my schedule to be available for those two
00:26:15.780 men.
00:26:16.560 And those are some of the exceptions that exist.
00:26:19.800 Yeah.
00:26:21.380 All right.
00:26:22.060 Jeremy Kofi, what's one book that changed how you show up as a man and one that just made
00:26:27.900 you laugh out loud?
00:26:29.120 Um, wild at heart is my go-to.
00:26:35.820 I know I talk about that all the time, but wild at heart is my go-to as a man think if
00:26:41.060 is really good.
00:26:43.340 Those are the two that really stand out for, you know, the other one, I know this sounds
00:26:48.520 a little self-serving, but kind of an interesting, interesting take on this question is my book.
00:26:53.940 Yeah.
00:26:54.680 Not, and, and not because of the content necessarily.
00:26:59.120 It's because it really caused me to think and reflect and articulate and flesh out ideas
00:27:05.020 that I had been talking about up to that point for years.
00:27:07.800 And there were things where I, and I don't even remember what they are quite honestly,
00:27:12.380 but I do remember the feeling of writing something down and saying, wait a second, do you really
00:27:17.440 believe that?
00:27:19.420 Yeah.
00:27:19.820 And I had to find other anecdotes and other research and data to either support it or debunk
00:27:24.820 it.
00:27:25.520 Yeah.
00:27:25.840 And it really helps solidify and change some of my own perspective.
00:27:29.680 And I would never wish the book writing process on a human being on this earth.
00:27:35.480 I don't care who it is.
00:27:36.500 It is a miserable, horrible process, but also pretty, uh, pretty enlightening.
00:27:45.180 Yeah.
00:27:46.200 Well, and it played probably played a major role in your development and understanding
00:27:52.080 the principles, right?
00:27:53.040 It forced you to flush it out.
00:27:55.220 Yeah.
00:27:55.660 Yeah.
00:27:55.860 And that's also the one that made me laugh out loud.
00:27:57.760 Cause the first iteration I looked at it, I'm like, why is this so horrible?
00:28:05.120 If you, if you had to pick another book though, do you, do you have a book that's made you,
00:28:09.020 I don't know if I just, I'm boring.
00:28:11.160 I can't think of a book I've read that I laugh.
00:28:15.500 Maybe that's a bad sign.
00:28:17.580 I don't think, are there books that I don't know.
00:28:20.780 That are funny?
00:28:21.000 I mean, maybe like kids books or something, or like a book of jokes, like dad jokes, maybe.
00:28:30.920 That's funny.
00:28:31.860 I have tried to incorporate more, uh, fiction into my, my library and that's been refreshing.
00:28:39.380 The other thing I did is it kept, this is going to be crazy.
00:28:43.420 But, um, when I was doing that training with running for that half marathon, yeah.
00:28:49.460 Um, my girlfriend had suggested that, uh, I, instead of listening to podcasts, just try
00:28:57.700 listening to music.
00:28:58.520 I'm like, I don't want to listen to music.
00:29:00.740 Like I want to be productive.
00:29:02.040 And she's like, just listen to music, like just enjoy it and have fun and cadence.
00:29:07.480 Yeah.
00:29:07.840 And I did.
00:29:08.840 And for a guy who's not big on music, it was a game changer.
00:29:13.520 It really was.
00:29:15.000 It made a huge difference.
00:29:17.060 So I don't know, maybe, maybe my personality just,
00:29:19.460 just lighten up a little bit.
00:29:20.900 I know that about myself for sure.
00:29:22.780 Yeah.
00:29:23.040 Jeremy, I actually want to know what book you have that makes you laugh out loud.
00:29:26.640 Cause maybe I need to be reading it.
00:29:28.340 So, um, yeah, I sound like I'm just a repeat of you, man.
00:29:32.480 But as a man thinketh is probably one of the most profound books I've ever read.
00:29:37.300 I, I, I remember the first time I read that book, it was like, I was in my twenties,
00:29:42.340 like early career, like early college days.
00:29:46.400 And I remember I had a highlighter pen.
00:29:49.900 And then after like the fifth page, I realized I was just highlighting almost the entire damn book.
00:29:55.620 Yeah.
00:29:55.880 And I was like, okay, got it.
00:29:57.500 Like, this is just, this whole book is just amazing.
00:30:00.980 And it really resonated with me.
00:30:02.960 So that, that would probably be the book on my list.
00:30:06.320 You know, what I've been thinking about over the past couple of days is how powerful we as human beings are to bring something into fruition.
00:30:17.160 That was just electricity firing in these biological cells, you know, like it's really fascinating to me.
00:30:27.320 And the past several days I've been thinking, be very careful what you think about,
00:30:33.940 because what you think about will, you will start moving towards that.
00:30:40.080 So if you're thinking about like a fulfilling life or goals and dreams and desires,
00:30:48.240 if that's what you're thinking about, you're going to start doing things that are going to,
00:30:51.180 I'm not going to use the word manifest.
00:30:53.620 I don't like that word, but you're going to start doing things a little differently to move into the realization of that dream.
00:31:01.260 But the same is also true.
00:31:02.980 If you start having negative thoughts about people or negative thoughts about work or slipping in devices,
00:31:08.900 you are going to do things, even subconsciously, that are going to move you towards self-actualization.
00:31:15.900 So if you think work is horrible and you hate it and you don't want to be there anymore,
00:31:21.560 you're probably going to get fired at some point,
00:31:23.640 because you're doing things that you're maybe not even aware of that make you a miserable person at work.
00:31:30.900 And everybody else is going to start to notice it.
00:31:33.380 They're going to start to acknowledge it.
00:31:34.820 And before long, if you don't leave on your own accord, you're going to be forced out.
00:31:38.320 It's pretty wild.
00:31:39.940 I love the concept.
00:31:42.600 Like I've heard that concept years ago around self-fulfilling prophecies, right?
00:31:48.000 Right.
00:31:48.600 But it logically makes sense, right?
00:31:51.580 If I have a heart at war towards you, Ryan, and I perceive you a certain way,
00:31:55.840 that changes how I interact with you.
00:31:58.540 And because the change of how I interact with you invites you to collude
00:32:03.160 into the very person that I'm placing judgment on.
00:32:08.060 Like you will ask for the very thing that you're looking for.
00:32:11.480 This is why from a leadership perspective, I always like state,
00:32:14.840 you have to believe people are not the problem.
00:32:19.260 You have to believe in the individual and never assume they're the problem.
00:32:23.520 Because at the minute you start placing judgment and you assume they're the problem,
00:32:27.820 you'll treat them like the problem.
00:32:29.900 And guess what they'll do?
00:32:31.080 They'll become the problem.
00:32:33.040 They'll literally become the very thing that you're asking them
00:32:36.720 or that you're judging them not to do.
00:32:39.680 It's fascinating.
00:32:41.660 I mean, just walk through that process in your marriage.
00:32:46.040 You're overly, I don't know, you're jealous typing,
00:32:51.440 you're assuming your spouse is cheating on you, 0.87
00:32:53.260 so you withdraw from her.
00:32:55.900 You start stonewalling her.
00:32:58.260 She stops being interested in you.
00:33:01.160 Before you know it, it's like, she's moved on.
00:33:04.640 Why?
00:33:05.680 Yeah.
00:33:06.180 Like, it's fascinating.
00:33:08.000 And all rooted in this sick, twisted state of wanting to be right.
00:33:14.220 And it's so weird.
00:33:16.640 Like, we would rather be right about something than happy.
00:33:23.040 And it's so weird.
00:33:24.560 Go ahead, sorry.
00:33:25.460 Yeah.
00:33:25.760 And I know that's not like a,
00:33:27.480 I'm not saying that's a general statement across the board,
00:33:29.800 but there's a little bit of sick in there.
00:33:32.180 And I don't know a better word to call it than sick,
00:33:35.620 but sometimes we are so latched on to being right about something
00:33:38.900 that we will create misery for ourselves.
00:33:41.180 It's fascinating.
00:33:42.000 I think, I think we can be, I do believe that we can have that.
00:33:47.640 I've had that.
00:33:48.140 We all have.
00:33:48.580 Yeah.
00:33:48.860 Yeah.
00:33:49.560 But I think it's deeper than that.
00:33:51.820 Yeah.
00:33:52.220 I believe what it is, is self-preservation.
00:33:55.400 Safety.
00:33:56.140 Yeah, absolutely.
00:33:57.020 Yeah.
00:33:57.360 I mean, if you think, for example,
00:33:58.800 you're the jealous type and you think your,
00:34:00.880 your wife is stepping out on you. 1.00
00:34:02.980 I'm going to withdraw first.
00:34:04.040 You're thinking that because you're right.
00:34:06.060 You don't want to be rejected.
00:34:07.480 You don't want to be embarrassed.
00:34:09.060 You don't want the heartbreak that would come with it.
00:34:12.200 It, it, I think it's this self-preservation.
00:34:14.600 It was interesting that you brought up marriages.
00:34:16.400 Cause I was looking through some studies, uh,
00:34:18.440 just over the past couple of months from,
00:34:20.360 and I think we talked about this, the Gottman Institute.
00:34:24.440 I don't remember.
00:34:25.460 Did we talk about that?
00:34:26.380 Maybe.
00:34:26.700 Gottman Institute.
00:34:27.120 They do a bunch of, uh, um,
00:34:28.700 studies and, and surveys and relationship building things all around,
00:34:32.500 uh, romantic relationships, primarily your, your marriages.
00:34:36.780 And I can't remember the exact statistics or data on this,
00:34:40.580 but there was two things that really stood out to me.
00:34:42.440 One was kind of silly.
00:34:43.980 I didn't think it would be that big a deal.
00:34:45.200 And the other one made a lot of sense.
00:34:46.240 He said they've interviewed thousands and thousands and thousands of married
00:34:50.460 couples from couples that lasted a year to couples that have, you know,
00:34:54.160 30, 40, 50 years married.
00:34:55.940 And they said one, there was two of them.
00:34:59.080 Two of the greatest indicators of long-term success in marriages is one.
00:35:03.620 This was the silly one.
00:35:05.380 The people who kiss their significant other goodbye when they leave for work
00:35:10.240 or wherever there might be going,
00:35:11.900 have a greater likelihood of having a longer lasting marriage.
00:35:15.500 That makes sense.
00:35:16.820 I think it's a correlation issue.
00:35:19.080 You're not, you know, if you, if you actually care about somebody,
00:35:20.980 you're actually going to tell them I love them and kiss them goodbye.
00:35:23.660 Or it forces you to get past that little grudge thing from the night before.
00:35:27.340 And you're just there.
00:35:28.560 Yeah.
00:35:28.820 Yeah.
00:35:30.040 And, and the other one, this one was really interesting to me.
00:35:32.660 And it said that the partners who stay married the longest are the ones who
00:35:36.880 are quickest to give the benefit of the doubt.
00:35:40.880 And if you can just give the benefit of the doubt and think highly of your
00:35:44.680 partner, then your marriage is going to last longer.
00:35:48.420 And sometimes you don't think highly of your partner because they do something
00:35:52.540 dumb or they yell at you or they make a mistake or whatever. 0.76
00:35:57.540 And there are some mistakes that I would say warrant serious consideration.
00:36:02.860 But for the most part, it's your husband forgot to take the trash out in the
00:36:07.460 morning, or you hate the way that your wife chews her food at the dinner table, or, you
00:36:13.420 know, like little silly things that if you let eat you up, will, I think, destroy your
00:36:20.180 relationship.
00:36:21.700 Yeah.
00:36:22.240 Which is really, would you say that correlates to just gratitude?
00:36:25.640 Yeah, because you're seeing, I mean, maybe, maybe partially, but the other part is just
00:36:36.980 you're choosing to be in love with that person.
00:36:40.100 Yeah.
00:36:41.060 You know, you have, for example, again, to go back this, let's say a bad habit.
00:36:44.840 Let's say your wife cracks her knuckles and it just drives you crazy or whatever. 1.00
00:36:50.380 Let's use the food chewing thing.
00:36:52.400 That's, that's enough to enter marriage for me.
00:36:55.120 I was like, I was like, okay, that one's applicable.
00:36:57.700 All right, got it.
00:36:59.260 You know what?
00:37:00.860 I know that's actually a real, um, like condition.
00:37:06.060 It's actually a, a, a real condition is people who can't stand the sound of people chewing
00:37:11.180 their food, but it's usually not that it's just annoying is okay.
00:37:15.460 Maybe some correction here or there, but at the end of the day, stop, don't listen to it.
00:37:21.660 Yeah.
00:37:22.680 Like be, to your point about grateful, be grateful that there's food on the table.
00:37:26.780 Be grateful that you got a woman there and she likes whatever she's eating and you provided 1.00
00:37:31.880 it because you brought home the paycheck.
00:37:34.360 Have, I like what you said now that you're, we're hashing it out a little bit, have some
00:37:39.420 gratitude and stop focusing on that or even laugh at it.
00:37:43.960 Yeah.
00:37:44.520 Maybe it, maybe it just becomes funny and it's like, you know, it's never going to change
00:37:47.980 and I don't care at this point because it's not a deal breaker for me.
00:37:51.080 And so we just laugh about it and we tease each other about it and that's it.
00:37:54.940 Yeah.
00:37:55.220 But those are choices that I think human beings can make and should make if they want a long
00:37:59.960 term relationship, finding a person who will do that and being that kind of person to your
00:38:05.240 partner.
00:38:06.380 Yeah.
00:38:07.820 I like it.
00:38:08.560 All right.
00:38:10.520 Steven Ragger, what made you switch from not journaling to journaling?
00:38:16.000 What have you found to be some of the benefits now that you're, you are on, now that you
00:38:21.940 are a journaling?
00:38:23.940 I don't know.
00:38:24.840 I don't understand the last part.
00:38:26.680 Okay.
00:38:26.860 Um, just heartbreak, like just, that was the switch.
00:38:36.400 Yeah.
00:38:36.860 I mean, just being miserable, you know, and just getting your thoughts out and, and not
00:38:41.780 having really like very many people I thought I could turn to.
00:38:44.960 And even the ones I could, I didn't ever want to like bombard them all the time with all
00:38:48.420 my thoughts, any given day, that's not sustainable or even respectful to somebody in your life.
00:38:54.720 Um, but I had to find a way to get it out.
00:38:58.100 I think the problem when we, when we don't get these thoughts out is they just bouncing
00:39:07.320 around in our brain as an echo chamber and they become worse and bigger.
00:39:12.960 It's like a snowball.
00:39:14.160 When you put a snowball at the top of the hill and you roll it down, it's going to start picking
00:39:18.280 up speed and it's going to pick up other snow.
00:39:20.720 When it gets down to the bottom of the hill, instead of being six, six, six inches around,
00:39:25.780 excuse me, it's now five feet wide.
00:39:29.040 It's a way bigger problem because we just let it roll on and bounce around in our brain.
00:39:34.700 And I have a tendency of doing that.
00:39:36.820 I, I tend to be more of an anxious attachment style.
00:39:40.940 I'm a, I'm a verbal processor personally.
00:39:43.720 So it's best I'd process quickly too.
00:39:47.480 So it's best for me to vocalize my thoughts, which is part of the reason I really like doing
00:39:53.120 this podcast because I can vocalize my thoughts.
00:39:56.120 Totally.
00:39:56.860 And in the absence of being able to vocalize it, journaling has proven to be pretty valuable.
00:40:02.460 And usually when I write it down, it diffuses whatever I'm feeling or experiencing.
00:40:07.660 And it makes it a little bit more objective rather than subjective.
00:40:13.580 And I less likely to take it as personal and just look at it as more logical data points
00:40:21.380 or information that will help me improve my life.
00:40:24.800 And I've also had lots of scenarios where I write it down.
00:40:28.620 I'm like, oh my gosh, that is silly.
00:40:30.360 Like that is a silly thing to be bothered by or upset with.
00:40:33.460 Or, and that's great because we all have a tendency of getting worked up.
00:40:39.140 Yeah.
00:40:39.340 Well, that's the benefit of conversations with people.
00:40:41.820 How many times does that happen where you go have a conversation with a buddy?
00:40:45.300 You say it out loud and you're like, yeah.
00:40:49.900 Okay.
00:40:50.420 Got it.
00:40:50.780 Like you don't even need to say anything.
00:40:52.360 Like now that I said it, I already know what I need to do.
00:40:56.700 Or that was dumb and silly, but it's weird until then.
00:41:00.740 And it's all meaningful and it's all so serious in our own heads until we put it back on paper
00:41:07.900 or in a conversation.
00:41:10.160 It's crazy.
00:41:10.880 You know, what's also interesting about it too, is I go back through my journal periodically.
00:41:14.440 And so I've looked at entries from a year and a half, two years ago.
00:41:18.200 And I'm like, that's what I was worried about.
00:41:20.940 It gives me a perspective.
00:41:22.800 You know, when you're in the middle of something, something tragic, something difficult,
00:41:26.360 something challenging, it's not easy to see a longer term perspective on it.
00:41:37.980 It's really weird.
00:41:39.840 Yeah.
00:41:40.220 In the grand scheme of things, whatever you're going through, I don't want to be dismissive
00:41:43.740 of serious issues.
00:41:45.020 But for the most part, the issues that we're dealing with, financial constraints, breakdowns
00:41:50.320 and relationships, job loss, like that stuff will get better, but it's not, it doesn't
00:41:58.600 feel that way when you're going through it.
00:42:00.360 Yeah.
00:42:00.700 That's why I love that analogy.
00:42:01.980 Have you heard that?
00:42:02.640 It's hard to see the label when you're in the jar.
00:42:06.060 Oh, I have.
00:42:06.740 Yeah.
00:42:06.940 I have seen that.
00:42:08.040 It just, I don't know, for whatever reason that resonates with me.
00:42:10.540 Cause I'm like, it's so true.
00:42:11.980 When you're in that jar, it's hard.
00:42:14.560 It's really hard to see the label on it.
00:42:17.780 It's crazy.
00:42:18.460 You know what else is cool though about the journaling thing is let's say you're going
00:42:21.500 through a relationship issue right now.
00:42:25.700 Well, this isn't the first time you ever went through that.
00:42:28.900 So you can actually go back into your journal and find the time where you were dealing with
00:42:33.920 that from before and actually look at it as a very powerful tool for improvement and getting
00:42:41.580 through the hard times because you've done it before.
00:42:45.040 Yeah.
00:42:45.840 So you know you're capable of doing it.
00:42:47.540 And there might be some pointers in there that you need to remind yourself of that you
00:42:50.860 learned two or five or 10 years ago to apply today.
00:42:55.080 Yeah.
00:42:55.740 Yeah.
00:42:57.120 Elijah Elliott, what are some common signs that you might be overworking ourselves without
00:43:02.960 realizing it?
00:43:04.000 How can I, how can we tell when we're pushing ourselves too hard and need to slow down?
00:43:08.340 When men are overworked, they do one of several things.
00:43:15.260 They become irritable.
00:43:17.120 They become agitated.
00:43:19.520 They become impatient and they start to disengage and isolate.
00:43:24.860 So if you've noticed, or even somebody else, maybe you haven't noticed it, maybe somebody else in
00:43:31.340 your life has noticed that you are more irritable than before, you might be overworked.
00:43:37.280 You might be burnt out or at least getting there.
00:43:39.860 If you notice yourself disengaging from certain activities, certain people, that's a concern that
00:43:49.280 there's an issue in the relationship or in the project that you're working on.
00:43:54.980 And those things need to be addressed.
00:43:57.760 But yes, when you're agitated, irritated, distant, distracted, maybe even procrastination,
00:44:05.540 those are all warning signs of being burned up and burned out.
00:44:10.140 What's your advice?
00:44:11.260 You know, so you get present to it and then what?
00:44:16.800 Yeah.
00:44:17.020 Then you have to go through your schedule and figure out what needs to go.
00:44:21.640 And you need to set boundaries.
00:44:24.140 So you might have 17 trips planned this year.
00:44:27.560 Feels like that's what I have planned.
00:44:29.740 And you might need to go in.
00:44:31.220 I had a conversation this morning with somebody and said, I'm not going to do that this year,
00:44:34.640 actually.
00:44:35.940 And I feel bad.
00:44:37.580 Like I actually want to go do that thing.
00:44:39.500 And I don't want to let that person down.
00:44:42.720 But I cannot do it if I want to maintain my sanity.
00:44:48.100 So you go through your schedule and you look at what you're doing, what you've committed
00:44:53.000 to doing.
00:44:53.780 It might just be a season, right?
00:44:55.420 So maybe in two weeks you have a thing coming up and you're so stressed out about it.
00:44:59.720 Okay, well, get through the thing and then don't take on anymore when the thing is done
00:45:03.500 if you're already committed to doing it.
00:45:05.380 But you just need to look at your schedule.
00:45:06.960 Find out how you're spending your time, your resources, your energy, because it could be
00:45:11.500 financially related too.
00:45:13.240 You could feel like you're not making ends meet because you're just spending all sorts
00:45:17.260 of money that you shouldn't be spending.
00:45:19.380 Then you need to look at the budget.
00:45:21.740 Yeah.
00:45:22.100 Look at your resources.
00:45:24.260 Figure out where the pull is, what's causing that, and eliminate.
00:45:29.520 I would say check off.
00:45:32.720 Some things, just getting them done is going to feel better.
00:45:34.760 So get it done.
00:45:36.800 Check off things that you've got done.
00:45:39.220 Eliminate things that don't need to get done.
00:45:42.260 Delegate other things and stop saying yes to so much.
00:45:46.260 Yeah.
00:45:46.440 I feel like my biggest issue, and I've shared this before, but like my biggest issue is that
00:45:55.460 I think today's the exception.
00:45:59.860 And after all of these things I need to get done today, tomorrow will be, you know, not
00:46:04.800 as critical or next week or whatever.
00:46:07.100 And I just, and I realized like a lot of the stuff that I've prioritized aren't that critical.
00:46:15.320 They're not that important.
00:46:17.020 And if I don't prioritize and put things in the rightful place today, then I never will.
00:46:28.020 Tomorrow's not going to be any easier.
00:46:29.860 Next week's not going to be any easier.
00:46:32.060 And I have to do it today.
00:46:33.760 And so maybe, you know, Elijah, maybe operate the same way I do.
00:46:37.720 Don't fall into that trap because it's never going to be ending.
00:46:41.920 It's never going to end, you know, some of the chaos and the busyness, you know.
00:46:47.100 Not only is it not going to be better tomorrow, it's going to be worse because you're not doing
00:46:51.340 the skills required to have a different type of life.
00:46:57.000 I'm reminded of when people win the lottery.
00:46:59.520 I think the average of the amount of time people lose in the lottery is four to five years.
00:47:04.100 They win and then they lose everything they won in a matter of four to five years.
00:47:07.920 It's so crazy.
00:47:08.580 And what we tend to think, and you'll hear this from a lot of people, even in housing for
00:47:14.540 those who are less fortunate, let's say, we'll just give everybody a house.
00:47:18.800 That's not the problem.
00:47:21.820 Just like giving a broke person $10 million is not going to solve the issue.
00:47:27.820 They didn't address the problem.
00:47:29.860 The problem with their finances is financial literacy.
00:47:33.560 The problem with the house is, might be financially, financial literacy.
00:47:37.740 It might also be drug abuse, things like that.
00:47:40.860 Mental illness.
00:47:42.140 Yep.
00:47:42.380 There's things that need to be addressed first.
00:47:44.640 There should be reasons why they don't have that money.
00:47:46.220 Yeah.
00:47:46.700 Right.
00:47:47.340 And if you give it to everybody, they'll lose it as quickly as you gave it to them because
00:47:53.300 they have not earned the right to the thing.
00:47:55.540 And so if you're overwhelmed today and you think, well, tomorrow or next year, this will
00:48:01.420 be better.
00:48:02.000 Why will it be better?
00:48:03.080 It'll be worse.
00:48:04.460 You, not only did you not learn the new skills, you actually compiled all the things from today
00:48:09.680 and the rest of the 364 days of your life onto the same day next year.
00:48:15.260 So it'll actually be twice as worse next year if you don't correct the behavior now.
00:48:22.940 Yeah.
00:48:23.420 It's crazy.
00:48:26.540 All right.
00:48:27.520 Will Luna, we're going to jump over to Facebook.
00:48:29.820 Will Luna.
00:48:30.400 Let's take a couple on these, Kip, just for time, for the sake of time.
00:48:33.240 Yeah.
00:48:33.460 Sounds good.
00:48:34.600 How to earn back trust of your children when you've broken it.
00:48:40.400 I messed up and I have owned it.
00:48:42.680 However, my daughter is still holding it against me four months later.
00:48:46.620 Any insight would be beneficial.
00:48:49.260 Yeah.
00:48:49.700 And I asked some clarifying questions and he clarified on here.
00:48:52.320 So since he clarified, I'm assuming he's okay with us sharing it.
00:48:55.740 I think he had a situation with his daughter where she was maybe giving some backtalk or
00:49:02.220 running her mouth or doing something.
00:49:04.380 Yeah.
00:49:04.540 And I think he said to like put his hand over her mouth and told her to shut up or it was 0.71
00:49:09.320 something like that.
00:49:10.060 Stop running your mouth, I think is what he said.
00:49:15.080 Yeah, that's rough, man.
00:49:18.160 Obviously, you know that you should not have done that.
00:49:20.960 And we've all done things like that.
00:49:23.240 You know, this is not the end of the world and you're not an abusive person.
00:49:26.940 I think you just got overheated just like I have, just like all of us have.
00:49:32.280 And I would say the first thing is you need to be very clear about it.
00:49:35.460 And it sounds like you have to apologize.
00:49:38.040 It also sounds like your daughter moved back home on a full-time basis with her mom, your
00:49:44.520 ex.
00:49:45.260 So now you're not seeing her as much.
00:49:47.000 And I'm actually going through a similar thing with my daughter.
00:49:52.260 And I wish I could tell you I have all the answers.
00:49:54.320 I wish I could tell you I had any answers.
00:49:58.900 But it's hard, you know.
00:50:00.800 And I lost a lot of trust with the kids over the past couple of years just based on my own
00:50:04.360 circumstances.
00:50:04.980 And, you know, my daughter's been the hardest.
00:50:10.220 Yeah.
00:50:10.800 So far.
00:50:11.320 And the things that I'm trying are to be more engaged, to be more patient with her because
00:50:19.020 I'm not as patient with her as I could be.
00:50:21.180 So that's going to be a big thing.
00:50:23.280 To be more understanding of what she's going through, to listen better to what she has to
00:50:28.600 say.
00:50:30.540 I'm learning that she just, all kids, just want to be heard and seen.
00:50:36.160 Like their voice matters.
00:50:37.580 Like, like they're an important component of the family.
00:50:43.840 So I don't have answers for you other than be diligent, be steadfast, be patient.
00:50:50.700 Let's try not to lose our temper again.
00:50:53.220 That goes for me too.
00:50:54.740 Yeah.
00:50:55.300 And let's find out what they're interested in, communicate them with them appropriately
00:51:02.900 and how they want to be communicated with.
00:51:04.600 Don't cross over boundaries that she might have right now.
00:51:07.880 You might really want to push the issue.
00:51:09.860 Don't just sprinkle it in on occasion, but also don't lose any opportunity for fun together.
00:51:16.960 I think in times like these, at least I do have a tendency of taking everything way too
00:51:23.520 seriously.
00:51:24.660 And then I end up driving greater wedges between me and other people.
00:51:28.140 Serious conversations need to take place, of course, but also be lighthearted and have
00:51:35.020 fun and joke and play and do fun things together outside of the other conversations that will
00:51:40.140 inevitably need to take place.
00:51:42.380 But yeah, she's got her walls up.
00:51:44.340 And so it probably wasn't this one issue.
00:51:47.780 It was probably the thing that pushed everything else over the edge.
00:51:51.780 And I would also spend some time thinking about what are the other issues, the underlying
00:51:57.480 issues, not the putting your hand over her mouth and telling her to stop running her mouth. 1.00
00:52:03.060 There's probably more to it.
00:52:04.340 And I'd question whether or not you've considered or contemplated what that might be.
00:52:10.280 Yeah.
00:52:10.420 You know, I'm picking this up a little bit in Will's question, and maybe this is more
00:52:17.120 broad, right, for a bigger issue.
00:52:19.400 But there are times where we have relationships where all that we can do is double down on
00:52:27.620 making sure the way that we show up in the relationship is the correct way.
00:52:32.720 Yeah.
00:52:33.320 And whether it is being received right away or not by them, let it go.
00:52:38.280 Because sometimes the expectation of like, oh, she still has this issue.
00:52:43.340 Oh, she's still holding on.
00:52:44.740 It will almost like become the issue because you have this expectation that it shouldn't
00:52:49.640 be that way anymore.
00:52:50.800 When in reality, sometimes these things take a while.
00:52:55.620 And I've found power in my life when I just go, hey, how do I need to be showing up day
00:53:02.800 in and day out, agnostic of how they receive it?
00:53:07.760 Whether they trust me, love me or not, how do I need to be showing up?
00:53:12.260 And I just do that and ride it and find satisfaction.
00:53:19.580 Maybe find some, I don't know, momentum in the fact that I'm at least doing my part well
00:53:26.580 and realizing that things just take time and letting go of the expectation of where she's
00:53:34.080 at and realizing that that will come on her own terms at her own timeline and it may not
00:53:40.580 meet your expectations.
00:53:41.780 And that's okay.
00:53:43.060 You just keep doing your part.
00:53:44.820 That's it.
00:53:47.360 It's all you can do.
00:53:48.720 I'll share just a personal story.
00:53:52.760 And last night I took the family out to dinner.
00:53:56.760 And like I said, my daughter and I have been struggling in our relationship.
00:54:01.160 Did you shave her head as well yesterday?
00:54:03.500 And I'm like, keep it up.
00:54:04.580 Keep running your mouth and this is, we're going to keep doing this.
00:54:08.860 I don't mean to make light of the situation.
00:54:11.160 Sometimes that helps me.
00:54:12.820 So I'm not making light of your situation.
00:54:15.240 But I asked her, I said, hey, like, I can't remember exactly what I said, but I asked
00:54:22.320 her if she was okay.
00:54:23.400 And she said, yeah, I'm okay.
00:54:24.740 I said, you don't seem okay.
00:54:26.680 That's why I'm asking.
00:54:28.240 And she said, she said something that kind of, that stung, but it was a little bit of a
00:54:33.780 breakthrough.
00:54:34.260 She said, I don't like talking with you about my problems.
00:54:37.000 I don't like to hear that.
00:54:41.860 Like, that's not a thing I want to hear.
00:54:44.300 But I was like, okay.
00:54:46.620 And I think in a moment of clarity, I decided I'm not going to push on this actually right
00:54:52.400 now.
00:54:53.100 I'm not going to ask her why and grill her because she just said she doesn't like talking
00:54:56.780 about it.
00:54:57.880 Yeah.
00:54:58.220 So if I'm saying, well, why, what, what's the problem?
00:55:00.620 Like that's talking about it.
00:55:02.180 And she doesn't want to do that.
00:55:03.940 And I think in a moment of clarity last night, a very brief moment of clarity, I said, hey,
00:55:09.840 you know what?
00:55:11.340 You're allowed to feel like that.
00:55:13.180 I can understand that.
00:55:14.440 There's been times where I haven't wanted to talk with my parents or friends, whether it's
00:55:20.040 because of something personal or because I'm mad.
00:55:22.600 So I understand that.
00:55:24.600 I can, I can, I can see that.
00:55:26.880 And that's it.
00:55:28.300 That's the only conversation we had right there.
00:55:30.480 And then we had fun.
00:55:31.280 You know, we had dinner.
00:55:32.240 We were at a hibachi grill and we enjoyed ourselves and it was great.
00:55:37.060 That part stung a little, but it was good because she'd never said that before.
00:55:42.740 Usually what she says is nothing's wrong.
00:55:44.260 Nothing's wrong.
00:55:44.800 Nothing's wrong.
00:55:45.600 This time she said, I don't like talking with you about my problems.
00:55:49.400 That to me is moving in the right direction.
00:55:51.760 Absolutely.
00:55:52.460 Well, and the probability, because you handle that way, the probability of her feeling
00:55:57.500 like she can talk to you about problems just increased because she just gave you a stinger 0.51
00:56:03.300 and you handle it well.
00:56:05.280 Right.
00:56:06.120 Right.
00:56:06.460 Which is, which is great.
00:56:08.240 Yeah.
00:56:08.920 All right.
00:56:09.380 Last question for Chris.
00:56:10.440 He's just curious about your hunting trip to Texas.
00:56:13.360 Oh yeah.
00:56:13.720 It was a good hunting trip.
00:56:14.780 We didn't see a lot of pigs, unfortunately, but got it done on the second day.
00:56:18.180 I was with some friends.
00:56:21.360 Jeremy, I was with Jeremy, Jay and John is who I was with.
00:56:25.080 And that's funny.
00:56:27.340 We had a good time.
00:56:29.880 Yeah.
00:56:30.340 And then Greg Ray, he, him and I were sitting in the, in the blind together on the, the second
00:56:34.820 morning and two pigs came out and it's so crazy.
00:56:37.880 I was out there for four or five days and we put three or four hours in, in the stands
00:56:42.880 morning and then another three or four hours in the afternoon.
00:56:45.460 So it's like six to eight hours every day for five days of sitting.
00:56:50.260 And I shot one pig and it happened.
00:56:53.180 The pig came out and was out probably for 45 seconds before I shot it, shot it.
00:57:03.420 Another pig came out behind it. 1.00
00:57:04.860 I took, it was a sow.
00:57:06.120 They were both sows.
00:57:06.720 I took the bigger of the two sows, shot, shot the one, I shot her in the head. 1.00
00:57:11.340 She dropped right where, right where I shot her. 1.00
00:57:14.820 And the whole thing took 50 seconds, a minute, maybe tops.
00:57:20.060 But it took a week leading up to the 50 seconds.
00:57:25.200 So that was good.
00:57:26.160 You know, it was good.
00:57:28.400 Let's see, Jay, Jay and Jeremy both got a pig and Johnny, unfortunately, he didn't even
00:57:34.360 see, he didn't even see a pig the entire time.
00:57:38.120 Ah, that's tough.
00:57:39.260 Which was tough.
00:57:39.920 But yeah, we go with an organization, a good friend of mine, his name's Greg Ray, but he
00:57:44.600 owns a company called From Field to Table.
00:57:46.820 And if you guys want to look into getting into hunting, it is a great option for getting into
00:57:51.980 it because all the firearms are provided.
00:57:55.140 We do firearms, long range, zero rifles in on day one, that afternoon that we get there.
00:58:00.620 All the food, all the lodging is included.
00:58:02.980 And then when we kill our animals, we actually have a professional chef and he teaches us how
00:58:09.040 to break the animal down properly, what cuts are what, how to cook the cuts.
00:58:14.160 And then on the last night, we actually help.
00:58:16.580 In this case, we didn't do it this time, but normally we help prepare the meal and present
00:58:20.620 it to each other.
00:58:22.180 It's a really cool way to do a hunt, especially, I think, if you're a brand new hunter and you
00:58:28.100 want to get into it.
00:58:29.040 This is a very, it's a very professional, well-run event that's going to give you a high probability
00:58:36.340 of success and of learning.
00:58:39.140 That's cool.
00:58:39.940 What was the range on your pig?
00:58:44.380 Oh, um, nine, 80, 90 yards.
00:58:48.360 I mean, it's fairly close.
00:58:49.420 And you're in like a tree stand, like an elevated stand of some sort?
00:58:53.920 No, this one, a box blind.
00:58:56.240 So if, if guys don't know what a box blind is, it's, I mean, it's what it sounds like.
00:59:00.900 It's just a box.
00:59:01.800 It's about six feet by five feet and it's got window slats all the way around.
00:59:07.400 And yeah, we're about, yeah, I'd say 80 to 90 yards.
00:59:11.480 And I made a really good shot.
00:59:12.680 I was really happy with my shot because on pigs, they're so tough.
00:59:16.560 If you shoot them behind the shoulder, like you might with a deer, for example, they're,
00:59:22.960 they're the rate of you finding a pig is drops relative to finding a deer.
00:59:28.440 Even if you make a good shot behind the shoulder.
00:59:30.320 Got it.
00:59:31.740 They don't bleed much.
00:59:33.040 They go forever.
00:59:34.760 They're tough as nails.
00:59:36.520 They are, and deer are too.
00:59:38.200 Like animals are incredible.
00:59:40.300 They really are.
00:59:42.340 So Greg teaches us to shoot the pigs in the head because they just, either you miss or they drop.
00:59:48.900 Yeah.
00:59:49.440 And also you get to preserve more meat rather than hitting them in the shoulder.
00:59:54.320 You're going to blow out their shoulder or ruin, ruin some meat.
00:59:57.440 So this way preserves more meat too.
01:00:00.320 That's cool.
01:00:01.400 That's really cool.
01:00:02.460 I love that.
01:00:02.840 It's a good time.
01:00:03.100 I didn't know that.
01:00:03.820 Yeah, it's a good time.
01:00:04.680 Yeah.
01:00:05.060 All right.
01:00:06.380 Wrap up.
01:00:07.100 I mean, what's, what's our call to action, sir?
01:00:10.420 I would say we've, we've got, we've got about 60 people coming out to the event in May,
01:00:15.160 May 1st through the 4th.
01:00:16.120 We have tickets left.
01:00:17.200 So if you're interested, um, we made some changes that I think are actually going to
01:00:21.020 be good changes because it's a more, uh, intimate, close type event, as opposed to having more
01:00:27.680 and more people there.
01:00:28.980 Um, so I was a little disappointed in that with some things that happened with the event,
01:00:32.260 but I'm also pretty optimistic and excited about the, the guys that are coming.
01:00:36.720 Cause I think we're just going to put together a better event because of it.
01:00:39.600 So that's May 1st through the 4th.
01:00:41.560 We still have tickets.
01:00:42.320 If you go to themensforge.com, uh, you can get signed up for that.
01:00:46.780 So that's themensforge.com.
01:00:48.960 And as always, uh, connect with Mickler on X and Instagram at Ryan Mickler.
01:00:55.340 It's good, man.
01:00:56.480 It's good to have you back.
01:00:57.400 I mean, I love Sean, but, uh, it's always good to chat with you.
01:01:00.820 Yeah.
01:01:01.180 Sean's great, man.
01:01:02.220 Yeah.
01:01:02.480 I'm so grateful for you and for him, for him being able to come in and fill in when I'm
01:01:07.260 absent and for you just being steadfast, just being here every single week.
01:01:11.500 I'm the reliable one for now.
01:01:13.480 You are, man.
01:01:14.280 You are.
01:01:15.080 No, I appreciate it.
01:01:16.580 All right, guys.
01:01:17.020 Well, that's it.
01:01:17.460 We'll be back, uh, tomorrow.
01:01:19.280 Nope.
01:01:19.500 Friday, excuse me for our Friday field notes until then go out there, take action and become
01:01:23.400 a man you are meant to be.
01:01:28.860 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.
01:01:31.720 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
01:01:35.520 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.