Order of Man - Learning to Let Go, Overcoming Grief, and Setting Expectations

00:00:00.000 What you want is important.

00:00:02.140 And every time you have something you want,

00:00:04.380 but don't vocalize it,

00:00:05.500 you're conditioning yourself to believe

00:00:07.620 you're not worth advocating for your needs and desires.

00:00:10.320 But when you go tell the woman in your life what you want,

00:00:13.160 or you tell your kids how they are to behave,

00:00:15.020 or you tell your boss what you expect,

00:00:16.600 you're proving to yourself

00:00:18.240 that you're a man worth advocating for

00:00:20.820 and you have value to offer in professional

00:00:23.040 and personal and romantic and platonic relationships.

00:00:26.520 So prove to yourself that you're worth advocating for

00:00:29.220 by speaking about what you need, want, and desire.

00:00:32.180 It's okay.

00:00:34.080 You're a man of action.

00:00:35.740 You live life to the fullest.

00:00:37.180 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:40.120 When life knocks you down,

00:00:41.460 you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:44.200 You are not easily deterred or defeated,

00:00:46.820 rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:49.660 This is your life.

00:00:50.760 This is who you are.

00:00:52.160 This is who you will become.

00:00:53.880 At the end of the day,

00:00:55.080 and after all is said and done,

00:00:56.920 you can call yourself a man.

00:00:59.220 You're worse than me, actually, probably at texting,

00:01:03.300 and that's something to be said for that

00:01:04.580 because we are both notoriously horrible at texting.

00:01:09.360 Texting, way worse.

00:01:10.740 Emails, I'm better at.

00:01:12.240 My problem is, I know what my problem is.

00:01:14.380 My problem is, is I have,

00:01:17.720 I think I have enough time to read texts,

00:01:20.300 but I don't give enough time to reply.

00:01:22.580 So I'll be like, oh, I'll read that.

00:01:23.960 And then I'm like, oh, I'll reply later,

00:01:26.200 which is the dumbest thing.

00:01:26.700 And then you forget to get to it?

00:01:28.060 Yes.

00:01:28.560 Yeah.

00:01:28.860 I should just not even look at them until I'm ready.

00:01:32.520 My problem is, I just don't want to talk to people.

00:01:35.420 I'm like, what?

00:01:38.560 That actually is one of the problem with texts

00:01:41.140 is because it's a text,

00:01:42.660 people think that they can just keep going on and on and on.

00:01:46.260 It's like, I don't, a simple thumbs up is cool.

00:01:49.000 I'm not offended by that.

00:01:50.280 Please don't be offended if I give you a thumbs up.

00:01:52.280 It means message received, I'm on board,

00:01:55.720 all is good, proceed, whatever.

00:01:58.300 Like, we don't need to draw this out.

00:02:00.120 This is a generational thing that has changed.

00:02:02.620 Do you remember texting?

00:02:04.940 And then once you were done, you're like, okay, see you, bye.

00:02:07.980 Like you would say goodbye to the conversation

00:02:10.340 because you were done.

00:02:12.100 And you've noticed people don't do that anymore.

00:02:14.540 They just stay connected constantly,

00:02:16.140 just like constant chatter.

00:02:18.380 And I'm like, no, no, no.

00:02:19.380 Like, are we finished?

00:02:20.260 Because I can't, I can't do what I'm doing over here

00:02:23.320 and pay attention to this conversation still.

00:02:25.720 Yeah.

00:02:26.260 For sure.

00:02:27.060 Yeah.

00:02:27.380 Always connecting kind of stuff.

00:02:29.380 Are you a deleter of text?

00:02:31.140 I'm a deleter because I'm an organized person.

00:02:33.600 So I delete, like if I, whatever,

00:02:36.180 if it's in my inbox or my text box or whatever,

00:02:38.960 I know that I need to still do something with that.

00:02:42.660 Or there's maybe some pertinent conversations

00:02:44.760 that I'll just keep on file forever.

00:02:46.380 But if I'm done with it, I just delete it.

00:02:48.720 And then I know, okay,

00:02:49.460 that's nothing I need to deal with anymore.

00:02:52.060 Fascinating.

00:02:52.640 No, not at all.

00:02:54.020 It doesn't even cross my mind.

00:02:55.460 Now I try to operate a zero inbox

00:02:57.280 from an email perspective.

00:02:59.340 Try it on your text.

00:03:01.920 Interesting.

00:03:02.300 Because that will help, that'll help you, right?

00:03:04.220 Because if you look at it and don't respond,

00:03:06.000 it'll still be in your inbox.

00:03:08.120 Yeah.

00:03:08.380 So I have about,

00:03:09.460 so I have about five ongoing text thread messages

00:03:13.920 and the ones that are labeled.

00:03:15.820 Like I have a text thread, for example,

00:03:17.460 with our graphic designer and our podcast editor.

00:03:20.820 And so that one's labeled.

00:03:21.980 It's just order a man podcast.

00:03:23.560 So I know, okay, I'm always going to keep that one

00:03:25.440 because there might be relevant information

00:03:26.800 you need to go back into.

00:03:28.040 I delete nonsense.

00:03:31.240 Interesting.

00:03:31.920 I've never even thought about doing that.

00:03:34.000 Yeah.

00:03:34.200 See if it helps.

00:03:35.120 See if it helps.

00:03:36.600 Well, and then it removes all evidence, right?

00:03:39.320 When the wife's like,

00:03:40.280 you didn't reply to my text.

00:03:41.500 I'm like, what text?

00:03:42.440 And then she's like, see?

00:03:43.540 And I'm like, oh, I deleted it.

00:03:45.300 I don't see nothing.

00:03:47.660 Exactly.

00:03:48.660 Exactly.

00:03:49.180 It serves multiple purposes.

00:03:51.260 Perfect.

00:03:52.700 Well, you know,

00:03:53.380 I wanted to actually bring something up

00:03:55.020 and this is kind of a weak segment,

00:03:56.460 but we'll try it anyways or a segue into it.

00:03:58.520 And I wanted to talk about the concept of letting go.

00:04:01.320 I've had a couple of conversations

00:04:02.720 over the past week with some men

00:04:04.400 that are having a very, very difficult time

00:04:07.700 letting go of things that have happened in their lives.

00:04:10.680 And I don't feel like you can truly move forward

00:04:13.600 into your potential

00:04:15.120 until you take some of the baggage off.

00:04:18.740 I remember years ago,

00:04:20.300 I took about seven young men on a 17-mile hike.

00:04:24.600 And the first night,

00:04:26.320 we hiked down into the canyon.

00:04:27.680 And then we spent the night in the canyon.

00:04:29.460 The second night,

00:04:30.200 we hiked out and went to a friend's cabin

00:04:32.280 and spent the rest of the weekend at the lake.

00:04:34.620 It's kind of a cool reward for them.

00:04:36.600 And we get down to the bottom

00:04:37.920 and we stay the night

00:04:40.580 and I get the boys up.

00:04:41.580 I'm like, all right, boys, time to get up.

00:04:42.960 Like, let's go.

00:04:44.500 And we start hiking

00:04:45.400 and my bag just felt super heavy,

00:04:49.180 but I'm like,

00:04:49.660 maybe I'm just tired or something.

00:04:52.080 So I'm hiking and I'm hiking

00:04:53.680 and I probably went four or five miles

00:04:55.400 and I'm like,

00:04:55.820 what the hell is going on with my bag?

00:04:58.000 It just feels heavy.

00:04:59.520 And I get in there,

00:05:00.400 I open,

00:05:00.900 I can see them all chuckling.

00:05:02.000 They had put rocks in my bag later,

00:05:06.080 you know,

00:05:06.440 that night when we were sleeping.

00:05:07.940 Dude, I love that.

00:05:08.760 And they were all laughing

00:05:09.540 and they thought it was funny.

00:05:10.680 And it was,

00:05:11.120 it was hilarious.

00:05:12.800 And so I took the rocks out

00:05:15.020 and the rest of the trip was fine.

00:05:16.860 But, you know,

00:05:18.440 we laugh about that

00:05:19.380 because it's funny.

00:05:21.520 Yeah.

00:05:22.100 But it's a great metaphor

00:05:23.240 for what so many men

00:05:24.700 are doing in their own lives

00:05:25.980 when they're carrying

00:05:26.700 unnecessary rocks in their bag

00:05:28.600 that they don't need to.

00:05:30.160 And they feel sluggish

00:05:31.560 and they feel tired,

00:05:33.440 mentally,

00:05:34.080 emotionally exhausted

00:05:35.560 and drained.

00:05:37.040 And I just want to encourage guys

00:05:38.760 to let go

00:05:39.560 of what's happened in the past.

00:05:41.120 And so I wrote down

00:05:42.280 a couple of things

00:05:43.020 that we need to let go of

00:05:44.040 and I thought you and I

00:05:44.760 could riff on what we can do

00:05:45.840 to let go.

00:05:46.960 Awesome.

00:05:47.720 So number one,

00:05:49.720 let go of embarrassing moments.

00:05:52.580 We all have times

00:05:54.120 where we've done something stupid,

00:05:56.300 we've said something stupid,

00:05:57.940 we've acted foolish.

00:06:00.180 Letting go of embarrassing moments

00:06:01.580 would be one.

00:06:02.460 Number two,

00:06:03.000 letting go of bad decisions.

00:06:04.500 Now, we can't always let go

00:06:06.060 of the consequence

00:06:06.720 of bad decisions,

00:06:08.140 but you can let go

00:06:09.160 of the fact

00:06:09.540 that you've made some.

00:06:10.960 Number three,

00:06:12.100 letting go of what people

00:06:13.240 think of you.

00:06:14.540 You don't owe anybody

00:06:15.640 an explanation.

00:06:17.800 It doesn't really matter

00:06:19.100 what they think of you.

00:06:20.320 The right people matter,

00:06:21.380 but most people don't.

00:06:23.140 Number four,

00:06:24.100 letting go of broken relationships.

00:06:26.080 So romantic relationships,

00:06:27.560 friendships that are

00:06:28.520 no longer working,

00:06:30.120 professional and business

00:06:31.280 relationships that aren't

00:06:32.400 good for either party.

00:06:34.020 And then the fifth one

00:06:34.960 is missed opportunities.

00:06:36.580 So we all have regret

00:06:38.260 about opportunities

00:06:39.240 that, oh,

00:06:39.840 I should have done that thing

00:06:40.940 or I should have invested

00:06:41.740 in that company.

00:06:43.180 Let it go.

00:06:43.960 So those are the five things

00:06:44.880 I identified that

00:06:45.660 if we learn to let go of

00:06:47.040 and move forward in confidence,

00:06:48.100 we'll just have more opportunities

00:06:49.760 and a better life.

00:06:51.100 Would there be anything

00:06:51.820 you'd add to

00:06:52.820 what we ought to let go of?

00:06:54.480 No, I think it's

00:06:57.940 maybe even said,

00:06:59.300 there's nothing I'd add

00:07:00.260 to the list.

00:07:01.280 I think where people

00:07:03.100 struggle letting go of it

00:07:04.440 is because

00:07:04.980 they're holding on

00:07:06.620 to the idea

00:07:07.480 of what it,

00:07:09.500 what should

00:07:10.200 or should not be.

00:07:12.760 Like they're so

00:07:14.040 stuck with it, right?

00:07:15.260 Like I shouldn't

00:07:16.080 have to do this

00:07:17.260 or I shouldn't

00:07:18.600 have done this thing

00:07:20.140 and they don't

00:07:21.760 like deal with it

00:07:23.960 because it shouldn't

00:07:25.240 be this way

00:07:26.000 and instead of

00:07:28.020 getting to the mindset

00:07:28.960 of it is.

00:07:31.320 You did make a mistake.

00:07:33.900 Got it.

00:07:35.040 You did look like a fool.

00:07:36.600 You didn't take advantage

00:07:37.760 of the opportunity.

00:07:39.360 Let it go

00:07:40.080 and for me,

00:07:41.480 I don't know why

00:07:42.140 but like that language

00:07:43.120 helps me

00:07:43.820 of letting go

00:07:45.220 of what I think

00:07:47.200 should have been

00:07:48.060 or what shouldn't

00:07:48.960 have been.

00:07:49.440 And who am I

00:07:51.920 to say that?

00:07:53.460 Like and it's

00:07:54.320 kind of arrogant,

00:07:55.300 right?

00:07:55.840 For us to assume

00:07:57.060 like what should

00:07:57.840 or should not be

00:07:58.720 or how Ryan

00:08:00.480 should show up

00:08:01.240 or how my wife

00:08:03.020 should do something

00:08:03.740 or how he shouldn't,

00:08:05.900 right?

00:08:06.080 Like it's really interesting.

00:08:08.180 I literally had

00:08:09.080 this conversation

00:08:09.720 with my daughter

00:08:10.460 the other day.

00:08:11.120 She was a little bit

00:08:12.300 snippy with her mom

00:08:13.360 acting entitled

00:08:14.880 over the weekend

00:08:16.320 at a dance competition.

00:08:17.520 I don't even remember

00:08:18.340 the details

00:08:18.900 of what it was.

00:08:20.600 And I pulled her aside

00:08:22.780 and my,

00:08:23.180 hey,

00:08:23.320 I heard you're being

00:08:24.040 a little bit snippy

00:08:25.400 and kind of had

00:08:26.280 attitude with mom.

00:08:27.360 She's like,

00:08:27.740 oh yeah,

00:08:28.100 but blah,

00:08:28.480 blah,

00:08:28.600 blah,

00:08:28.740 blah,

00:08:28.900 blah,

00:08:29.240 blah,

00:08:29.260 blah.

00:08:29.460 And I,

00:08:29.780 and I went

00:08:30.240 and I said,

00:08:32.020 Kalani,

00:08:32.940 no one owes you anything.

00:08:36.220 Your mom doesn't

00:08:37.640 have to do anything.

00:08:39.940 And when she does,

00:08:41.400 it's because she is

00:08:42.460 choosing to.

00:08:44.240 Be careful

00:08:45.260 what you assume

00:08:46.760 what she should

00:08:47.480 or should not do.

00:08:49.320 That's your choice.

00:08:51.740 And it's really easy

00:08:53.100 for us to get

00:08:53.780 into this mindset

00:08:54.580 of what everyone

00:08:56.280 should or should not

00:08:57.340 be doing

00:08:57.860 and how it

00:08:58.620 should affect us

00:08:59.680 and how it shouldn't.

00:09:01.640 No,

00:09:02.400 what happens

00:09:03.160 is happens

00:09:03.760 and we need to

00:09:05.060 not be so damn

00:09:06.480 entitled

00:09:07.000 around how people

00:09:08.780 should be interacting

00:09:09.600 with us

00:09:10.060 and realize

00:09:10.740 that your wife

00:09:12.480 that's with you today,

00:09:13.520 guess what?

00:09:13.840 She's with you

00:09:14.400 because she chose

00:09:15.220 to be

00:09:15.660 over and over again.

00:09:19.860 And if she does

00:09:20.820 something for you,

00:09:21.380 it's because she chose

00:09:22.160 to,

00:09:22.420 not because that's

00:09:23.440 what a wife should do.

00:09:24.920 And this is where

00:09:25.820 we get in this space

00:09:26.720 of being highly ungrateful

00:09:27.980 for our interactions

00:09:29.540 with people.

00:09:33.300 Well said.

00:09:34.500 I mean,

00:09:34.800 let go.

00:09:35.340 I wrote this down here

00:09:36.440 as letting go

00:09:36.920 of expectations

00:09:37.660 and just having

00:09:39.500 faulty or poor

00:09:40.280 expectations

00:09:40.920 of other people

00:09:41.880 or how you were

00:09:43.020 supposed to perform.

00:09:44.000 When you were saying

00:09:44.720 that,

00:09:44.920 it got me thinking too.

00:09:45.920 We have these

00:09:46.320 expectations of others,

00:09:47.820 but we also have

00:09:48.560 expectations of ourselves.

00:09:50.080 A lot of men

00:09:50.680 are such high achievers.

00:09:51.980 You're a high achiever.

00:09:52.800 I'm a high achiever.

00:09:53.940 Many men listening

00:09:54.620 to this podcast

00:09:55.340 either are

00:09:55.880 or want to be.

00:09:57.360 And so,

00:09:58.220 we put a lot

00:09:58.660 of pressure

00:09:59.000 on ourselves

00:09:59.620 and we think

00:10:00.160 about our past decisions

00:10:03.580 from our current lens.

00:10:05.400 so I'm in a much

00:10:08.520 better spot

00:10:09.260 than I was

00:10:10.040 five years ago,

00:10:11.140 10 years ago,

00:10:12.020 20 years ago.

00:10:13.060 And what I'm doing

00:10:14.000 when I look back

00:10:14.840 on mistakes

00:10:15.520 is I'm looking at it

00:10:16.560 like,

00:10:16.860 oh,

00:10:16.980 I should have

00:10:18.000 to your point,

00:10:19.020 but I'm looking at it

00:10:20.200 with the knowledge

00:10:20.860 and information

00:10:21.500 that I have today.

00:10:23.740 And if I would have,

00:10:24.840 if I make that same

00:10:25.840 decision today,

00:10:26.660 then yeah,

00:10:27.480 shame on me.

00:10:28.620 Yeah.

00:10:29.360 But the reality is

00:10:30.840 20 years ago,

00:10:32.380 I was a completely

00:10:34.020 different person

00:10:34.920 and I would expect

00:10:36.080 that I wouldn't make

00:10:37.240 as many good decisions

00:10:38.620 then as I am capable

00:10:40.280 of doing now.

00:10:41.480 So always remember

00:10:42.680 the timeline too

00:10:43.720 and give yourself

00:10:44.560 some grace.

00:10:45.640 Yeah,

00:10:45.860 you messed up,

00:10:46.720 but you did the best

00:10:47.620 you could

00:10:48.040 with what you had

00:10:48.980 in that moment.

00:10:50.480 Yeah.

00:10:51.020 And should you have

00:10:51.680 had more?

00:10:52.480 Sure,

00:10:52.740 maybe.

00:10:53.180 Could you?

00:10:53.680 Yeah,

00:10:53.980 sure,

00:10:54.360 but you didn't.

00:10:55.400 That's the reality.

00:10:57.260 Totally.

00:10:57.460 And so now you can look

00:10:58.480 at it and say,

00:10:58.920 all right,

00:10:59.240 well,

00:10:59.780 yeah,

00:10:59.960 I made that bad decision,

00:11:01.160 but I was an idiot.

00:11:02.120 I was a kid.

00:11:02.920 I was dumb.

00:11:03.800 And I'm not saying

00:11:04.360 make excuses,

00:11:05.620 but just give yourself

00:11:07.000 a little grace

00:11:07.700 and then make better

00:11:08.900 decisions moving forward.

00:11:11.040 I did write another one

00:11:12.080 down here too,

00:11:12.800 Kip.

00:11:13.580 We had a phrase

00:11:14.540 in the financial world

00:11:15.620 when I was a financial advisor

00:11:16.800 and it was,

00:11:18.080 don't chase good money

00:11:19.360 with bad.

00:11:21.240 And what a lot of people

00:11:22.260 would do,

00:11:22.620 I'd see this quite often,

00:11:23.720 is let's say I took

00:11:24.700 a look at their portfolio

00:11:25.660 and they had,

00:11:27.120 for the sake of argument,

00:11:28.460 $100,000 invested

00:11:29.700 in their portfolio.

00:11:30.660 And over the course

00:11:32.460 of a 12-month

00:11:33.720 or 18-month

00:11:34.380 or maybe even

00:11:34.880 24-month time frame,

00:11:36.340 they lost 20%

00:11:37.540 of the value

00:11:38.040 of their portfolio.

00:11:39.040 So now instead

00:11:39.700 of being $100,000,

00:11:40.760 now it's $80,000.

00:11:42.080 And I'd come

00:11:42.760 to these individuals

00:11:43.420 and I'd say,

00:11:44.060 hey,

00:11:44.460 you know,

00:11:45.540 your portfolio

00:11:46.040 is out of whack.

00:11:46.720 It's unbalanced.

00:11:47.540 It's not distributed correctly.

00:11:49.500 It's not diversified.

00:11:51.200 It's too expensive,

00:11:52.480 high turnover.

00:11:53.540 Here's what I suggest

00:11:54.380 you do.

00:11:54.740 And way too often

00:11:57.820 I would have people

00:11:58.840 say this.

00:11:59.760 Well,

00:11:59.980 I like what you're saying.

00:12:01.660 I'll do that

00:12:02.320 when I recoup my money.

00:12:05.900 So what they're doing

00:12:07.140 is because they want

00:12:08.960 to quote-unquote

00:12:09.740 recoup their money,

00:12:10.800 they're keeping

00:12:11.320 that $80,000

00:12:12.320 in a bad investment,

00:12:15.180 hoping that at some point

00:12:16.900 they're going to break even.

00:12:18.040 But really what ends up

00:12:19.300 happening is they lose 50

00:12:20.540 and they lose down to 60

00:12:22.040 and then down to 40,

00:12:23.020 down to 30.

00:12:23.640 And at some point

00:12:24.380 it becomes so great,

00:12:25.580 the pain,

00:12:26.460 that they finally make

00:12:27.280 the change.

00:12:28.580 Know when to just

00:12:29.440 cut your losses.

00:12:31.220 Yeah.

00:12:31.740 And I think that will help you

00:12:33.060 with regards to

00:12:34.340 letting go

00:12:35.240 is

00:12:35.860 your time

00:12:38.360 and your energy

00:12:39.320 and the resources

00:12:39.980 that you have

00:12:40.860 are finite.

00:12:42.620 I only have a certain

00:12:43.580 amount of time.

00:12:44.300 I only have a certain

00:12:45.200 amount of hours in the day.

00:12:46.260 I only have a certain

00:12:47.160 amount of tension.

00:12:48.180 If I'm chasing

00:12:49.280 good money

00:12:50.980 with bad,

00:12:52.320 meaning I'm

00:12:53.140 looking after

00:12:55.080 what I did

00:12:55.900 in the past,

00:12:56.660 I'm spending

00:12:57.100 a bunch of time

00:12:57.920 reflecting on things

00:12:59.040 I can't change.

00:13:00.160 I'm just wishing I could

00:13:01.980 or hoping I had

00:13:02.780 different expectations

00:13:03.680 to your point.

00:13:05.540 What about

00:13:06.320 all the other opportunities

00:13:07.760 that are going to

00:13:08.260 present themselves

00:13:09.140 but you're too focused

00:13:10.400 on all the shit

00:13:11.100 you did in the past

00:13:11.980 that you can't even

00:13:12.860 think about

00:13:13.300 what you might do

00:13:13.840 in the future?

00:13:14.880 So never chase

00:13:16.020 good money with bad.

00:13:17.080 Well,

00:13:18.060 a lot of this

00:13:19.580 conversation

00:13:20.140 is rooted

00:13:20.660 in this idea

00:13:21.720 that

00:13:22.740 difficulty,

00:13:24.580 mistakes,

00:13:25.400 and tough

00:13:25.980 circumstances

00:13:26.720 aren't the path

00:13:27.860 of growth.

00:13:29.620 True.

00:13:30.300 They're the path

00:13:30.960 of growth.

00:13:32.100 But we live

00:13:33.040 in this life

00:13:33.840 that like,

00:13:34.500 oh my gosh,

00:13:35.100 Ryan,

00:13:35.460 never make mistakes

00:13:36.340 and if I make

00:13:37.080 a mistake,

00:13:37.840 it shouldn't have been

00:13:39.020 but yet

00:13:39.960 you and I know

00:13:40.820 that there's

00:13:41.220 a foundational principle

00:13:42.240 that says

00:13:42.840 go to the gym,

00:13:44.900 work out,

00:13:45.720 experience pain

00:13:47.020 and suffering

00:13:48.100 and on the back

00:13:49.060 end of it,

00:13:49.580 I learn and grow.

00:13:51.460 Right.

00:13:52.160 But we have

00:13:53.060 this false dichotomy

00:13:54.260 that like,

00:13:54.800 oh no,

00:13:55.140 life should be easy

00:13:56.100 and it should be

00:13:56.720 comfortable

00:13:57.120 and it shouldn't

00:13:57.720 be difficult.

00:13:59.020 Says who?

00:14:00.720 Says no one

00:14:01.380 that ever grew,

00:14:02.620 that ever achieved

00:14:03.640 anything,

00:14:04.120 that was never

00:14:04.620 in the arena,

00:14:06.220 you know what I mean,

00:14:06.680 willing to take

00:14:07.400 something on.

00:14:08.220 It's like,

00:14:08.940 but yet we have

00:14:10.340 this mindset

00:14:11.100 that it shouldn't

00:14:11.700 be that way

00:14:12.340 and so I think

00:14:13.180 part of this

00:14:13.720 is flipping

00:14:14.840 the paradigm

00:14:15.660 around the idea

00:14:16.840 that difficulty

00:14:18.120 is good,

00:14:19.440 that it's actually

00:14:20.320 in that stress

00:14:21.920 of those circumstances

00:14:22.940 that the best growth

00:14:24.860 is made possible

00:14:25.720 and you mentioned

00:14:26.940 something like

00:14:27.460 the context

00:14:28.000 of our minds

00:14:28.720 today,

00:14:29.320 right,

00:14:29.580 like we look

00:14:30.260 at our past,

00:14:31.320 that's also

00:14:31.920 a superpower

00:14:32.640 because right now

00:14:34.180 anybody listening

00:14:35.120 that has a past

00:14:36.340 that you don't,

00:14:37.900 that you're not

00:14:38.440 complete with,

00:14:39.180 that you're,

00:14:40.020 I don't know,

00:14:40.300 you have a negative

00:14:40.980 relationship with your past,

00:14:42.460 guess what you get

00:14:43.080 to do now,

00:14:44.080 using your current

00:14:46.060 intelligence,

00:14:46.980 you get a,

00:14:47.540 you have a chance

00:14:48.340 to reflect on your past

00:14:49.580 and learn from it

00:14:51.020 even if it was

00:14:52.800 20 years ago.

00:14:53.960 Right now,

00:14:54.840 you can go,

00:14:55.940 got it,

00:14:56.320 that was tough,

00:14:56.960 it shouldn't have been

00:14:57.520 that way or maybe

00:14:58.360 I didn't like it,

00:14:59.080 whatever,

00:14:59.880 got it,

00:15:00.220 I'm gonna,

00:15:00.440 I'm gonna accept it,

00:15:01.660 I'm gonna deal

00:15:02.140 in reality,

00:15:02.820 it did happen,

00:15:03.920 what can I learn

00:15:05.100 from it?

00:15:06.420 And the cheat code

00:15:07.240 is you learn

00:15:08.780 in such a way

00:15:09.640 from that difficult

00:15:10.400 circumstance

00:15:10.900 that it's almost

00:15:12.640 like you're

00:15:14.120 grateful for it

00:15:14.980 because then

00:15:16.540 you wouldn't be

00:15:17.080 the person

00:15:17.620 you are today

00:15:18.320 if it wasn't

00:15:19.140 for that experience.

00:15:20.160 That is how

00:15:21.000 you deal

00:15:21.660 with regret

00:15:22.600 and difficult

00:15:23.440 circumstances

00:15:24.080 is you learn

00:15:24.980 from them

00:15:25.380 but if you don't

00:15:26.180 learn from them,

00:15:27.060 it's a waste,

00:15:28.460 you wasted

00:15:29.000 your time,

00:15:29.960 you wasted

00:15:30.340 the experience

00:15:31.540 and you're

00:15:33.000 dredging it

00:15:33.620 into your,

00:15:34.180 or dragging it

00:15:34.960 into your present.

00:15:36.060 Oh,

00:15:36.360 how horrible

00:15:36.900 that is.

00:15:37.620 It's like,

00:15:38.060 makes me sick

00:15:38.740 thinking about it

00:15:39.560 but man,

00:15:40.460 if you get

00:15:40.740 to learn

00:15:41.020 from it,

00:15:41.800 awesome.

00:15:44.660 I agree.

00:15:45.520 You know,

00:15:45.780 I wrote one more

00:15:46.580 down here,

00:15:47.120 Kip,

00:15:47.280 and I don't know

00:15:47.560 if you have

00:15:48.060 any more.

00:15:48.640 I know we want

00:15:48.960 to get to some

00:15:49.420 questions but I wrote

00:15:50.240 another one down

00:15:50.840 here too.

00:15:52.120 No,

00:15:52.500 it's good.

00:15:52.960 I mean,

00:15:53.180 I'm writing these

00:15:54.000 down as you're

00:15:54.480 going because I

00:15:54.940 have my own

00:15:55.300 thoughts but I

00:15:55.740 wanted to hear

00:15:56.100 yours as well.

00:15:57.320 One thing I wrote

00:15:58.100 is put a period

00:15:58.820 at the end of the

00:15:59.580 sentence.

00:16:00.780 You know,

00:16:00.940 if you have,

00:16:01.900 for example,

00:16:02.360 in grammar,

00:16:02.960 we have these

00:16:03.340 run-on sentences

00:16:04.100 and we see it

00:16:04.720 even on social media.

00:16:05.700 People don't know

00:16:06.980 how to use

00:16:07.520 punctuation marks,

00:16:09.620 they have long

00:16:10.720 paragraphs and

00:16:11.500 nobody reads it

00:16:12.240 and they don't

00:16:12.600 get any value

00:16:13.220 because they don't

00:16:13.780 know how to

00:16:14.040 communicate effectively.

00:16:15.800 It's the same

00:16:16.580 thing with your

00:16:17.360 life.

00:16:18.420 There's commas

00:16:19.280 in life and

00:16:19.880 there's periods

00:16:20.400 in life and

00:16:21.340 sometimes you

00:16:22.020 just need to

00:16:22.420 put a period

00:16:22.920 at the end

00:16:23.420 of the sentence

00:16:24.020 and the best

00:16:25.020 way to do

00:16:25.460 that is end

00:16:26.380 it effectively.

00:16:27.320 You hear people

00:16:27.840 land the plane,

00:16:28.880 right?

00:16:29.380 Damn,

00:16:30.200 you have a guy

00:16:30.640 who talks

00:16:31.400 forever like I

00:16:32.160 do?

00:16:32.820 Land the plane

00:16:33.380 already.

00:16:34.460 But you need

00:16:34.960 to do that

00:16:35.320 in your own

00:16:35.600 life and the

00:16:36.080 way that you

00:16:36.460 do that is

00:16:37.000 that when

00:16:37.340 you have

00:16:37.720 mess-ups

00:16:38.180 and mistakes

00:16:38.840 you try

00:16:42.120 to make amends

00:16:42.780 to the best

00:16:43.280 of your ability.

00:16:44.680 So for

00:16:45.320 example,

00:16:46.440 let's say

00:16:47.140 a romantic

00:16:48.260 relationship

00:16:48.860 went south

00:16:49.580 and you

00:16:50.120 didn't handle

00:16:50.620 yourself

00:16:51.040 properly

00:16:51.520 and maybe

00:16:52.160 you ghosted

00:16:52.760 her or

00:16:53.220 never called

00:16:53.680 her back

00:16:54.240 or treated

00:16:55.140 her poorly

00:16:55.960 on the way

00:16:56.420 out the door

00:16:57.020 and it might

00:16:58.320 even be years

00:16:58.960 down the road,

00:17:00.200 there's nothing

00:17:00.680 to keep you

00:17:01.220 from sending

00:17:01.680 a text that

00:17:02.360 would say,

00:17:02.820 hey,

00:17:02.920 you know

00:17:03.140 what?

00:17:03.440 I didn't

00:17:04.800 act the

00:17:05.420 way that

00:17:05.840 I should

00:17:06.340 have

00:17:06.680 and the

00:17:07.600 way that

00:17:07.880 I would

00:17:08.260 today

00:17:08.620 and I

00:17:09.500 don't expect

00:17:10.040 anything

00:17:10.360 from you.

00:17:11.280 I just want

00:17:11.900 to tell you

00:17:12.300 you deserve

00:17:12.780 better and

00:17:13.720 I'm sorry.

00:17:14.200 that's the

00:17:16.220 period and

00:17:17.080 by the way

00:17:17.700 the period

00:17:18.440 at the end

00:17:18.820 of the

00:17:19.040 sentence

00:17:19.420 cannot be

00:17:20.300 contingent

00:17:20.920 on the

00:17:21.360 other

00:17:21.620 party's

00:17:22.100 response

00:17:22.640 because she

00:17:23.640 may never

00:17:24.040 write back

00:17:24.700 or she

00:17:25.180 may say,

00:17:25.720 yeah,

00:17:25.880 you are

00:17:26.220 an asshole

00:17:26.580 and you

00:17:26.840 always were

00:17:27.360 and you

00:17:27.560 still are.

00:17:28.820 That's not

00:17:29.460 putting a

00:17:29.880 period at

00:17:30.240 the end

00:17:30.400 of the

00:17:30.580 sentence

00:17:30.980 or another

00:17:32.240 example would

00:17:32.940 be,

00:17:33.940 let's say

00:17:34.480 you screwed

00:17:34.980 somebody out

00:17:35.540 of a friend

00:17:36.160 out of

00:17:36.820 a thousand

00:17:37.200 dollars

00:17:37.680 and it's

00:17:40.300 been years

00:17:40.920 and you're

00:17:42.000 in a different

00:17:42.400 financial position

00:17:43.400 but you

00:17:44.280 know you

00:17:44.580 screwed that

00:17:45.060 person,

00:17:46.580 send that

00:17:47.040 guy a

00:17:47.320 check for

00:17:47.640 a thousand

00:17:47.980 dollars.

00:17:49.180 I would

00:17:50.420 even say

00:17:51.080 if you

00:17:51.980 don't,

00:17:52.700 if either

00:17:53.200 you're not

00:17:53.600 in the

00:17:53.980 position to

00:17:54.620 or you

00:17:54.880 don't want

00:17:55.400 to do

00:17:55.700 that with

00:17:56.760 your name

00:17:57.160 attached,

00:17:57.920 do it

00:17:58.140 anonymously.

00:17:59.060 I don't care.

00:17:59.380 That's not

00:18:00.000 as good,

00:18:00.580 I don't

00:18:00.820 think,

00:18:01.480 but you're

00:18:02.000 still putting

00:18:02.680 a period

00:18:03.100 at the

00:18:03.640 end of

00:18:03.800 the sentence.

00:18:04.400 So Kip,

00:18:04.760 if I

00:18:05.060 screwed

00:18:05.340 you and

00:18:06.400 you lent

00:18:06.740 me a

00:18:06.980 thousand

00:18:07.220 dollars and

00:18:07.780 I never

00:18:08.060 paid you

00:18:08.420 back and

00:18:08.780 I didn't

00:18:08.960 see you

00:18:09.280 for two

00:18:09.600 years,

00:18:10.020 me sending

00:18:10.680 you a

00:18:11.020 check and

00:18:11.360 saying,

00:18:11.720 hey man,

00:18:12.960 I just

00:18:13.860 wanted to

00:18:14.220 make this

00:18:14.580 right.

00:18:14.900 That wasn't

00:18:15.240 right of

00:18:15.580 me and

00:18:16.080 I don't

00:18:16.280 know what

00:18:16.620 it did to

00:18:16.980 your financial

00:18:17.520 situation,

00:18:19.020 but damn,

00:18:19.580 that was

00:18:19.820 not cool

00:18:20.300 of me.

00:18:20.760 Here you

00:18:21.020 go.

00:18:22.060 Totally.

00:18:23.280 Or an

00:18:23.760 employer,

00:18:24.600 you know,

00:18:24.880 let's say

00:18:25.460 you burn a

00:18:25.960 bridge at

00:18:26.400 the office

00:18:27.060 and you're

00:18:28.460 leaving the

00:18:28.880 office and

00:18:29.380 you're so

00:18:29.820 mad about

00:18:30.440 something and

00:18:31.320 you blew it

00:18:32.260 out of

00:18:32.500 proportion because

00:18:33.180 you were

00:18:33.380 emotional and

00:18:34.920 you just gave

00:18:35.920 everybody the

00:18:36.420 middle finger on

00:18:37.160 the way out

00:18:37.540 the door and

00:18:38.140 you just

00:18:38.460 caused a

00:18:39.060 scene and

00:18:39.540 you just

00:18:39.800 acted like

00:18:40.300 a fool.

00:18:41.400 Now you're

00:18:41.940 down the

00:18:42.260 road,

00:18:42.560 you've got

00:18:42.760 another job,

00:18:43.460 you're a lot

00:18:43.820 more mature

00:18:44.280 than you

00:18:44.620 were then.

00:18:45.380 Dude,

00:18:46.360 send an

00:18:46.800 email,

00:18:47.460 hey,

00:18:47.640 you know

00:18:47.800 what,

00:18:48.680 man,

00:18:48.900 the way I

00:18:49.300 conducted

00:18:49.700 myself was

00:18:50.560 not the

00:18:52.120 way that I

00:18:52.620 wish I

00:18:52.960 would have

00:18:53.420 and I

00:18:53.860 just wanted

00:18:54.180 to say

00:18:54.500 I'm sorry.

00:18:55.320 I have no

00:18:55.860 expectation of

00:18:56.600 anything in

00:18:56.980 return but

00:18:57.620 I could have

00:18:58.460 done better

00:18:58.960 and I'm

00:18:59.420 sorry about

00:18:59.900 that.

00:19:00.680 Putting that

00:19:01.180 period at

00:19:01.620 the end of

00:19:02.000 the sentence

00:19:02.460 is liberating.

00:19:04.420 And I think

00:19:04.880 what a key

00:19:05.560 thing that

00:19:05.960 you're saying

00:19:06.460 is you're

00:19:07.280 getting complete

00:19:08.000 with something

00:19:08.660 based upon

00:19:11.340 what's within

00:19:12.060 your realm

00:19:12.520 of control.

00:19:13.920 Right.

00:19:14.820 Because their

00:19:15.200 response is

00:19:15.780 not.

00:19:16.520 Exactly.

00:19:17.120 And that's

00:19:17.580 where people

00:19:18.000 go wrong

00:19:18.580 with this

00:19:18.940 because they'll

00:19:19.460 be like,

00:19:19.940 well,

00:19:20.040 I got this

00:19:20.700 sour relationship

00:19:21.900 with a

00:19:23.480 parent or

00:19:24.180 an old

00:19:24.480 buddy and

00:19:25.380 I want to

00:19:25.760 get complete

00:19:26.260 with it.

00:19:26.700 But their

00:19:27.360 thinking getting

00:19:28.060 complete is

00:19:28.880 actually like

00:19:29.760 getting into

00:19:30.560 an argument

00:19:31.020 with them

00:19:31.580 and letting

00:19:32.260 them know

00:19:32.720 how they

00:19:33.100 feel.

00:19:33.520 or explaining

00:19:35.080 why they

00:19:35.680 did what

00:19:36.100 they did.

00:19:36.900 Exactly.

00:19:37.500 And you're

00:19:37.780 like,

00:19:38.020 no,

00:19:38.200 no,

00:19:38.280 no,

00:19:38.640 you missed

00:19:39.320 the point.

00:19:40.120 Being

00:19:40.300 complete is

00:19:41.040 100% owning

00:19:43.000 and correcting

00:19:43.980 your role

00:19:45.220 in it

00:19:45.600 regardless of

00:19:46.960 what the

00:19:47.320 other person

00:19:47.900 did or

00:19:48.880 will do.

00:19:50.420 That's how

00:19:51.200 you get

00:19:51.580 complete.

00:19:52.060 It's actually

00:19:52.560 restoring your

00:19:53.320 integrity in

00:19:54.680 spite of

00:19:55.460 them,

00:19:56.280 regardless of

00:19:57.860 how they

00:19:58.460 might respond

00:19:59.180 or regardless

00:20:00.360 of how they

00:20:01.340 acted in

00:20:02.220 the past

00:20:02.820 and owning

00:20:04.600 your part.

00:20:05.080 That's how

00:20:05.320 you get

00:20:05.540 complete.

00:20:06.260 I have to

00:20:06.620 say this

00:20:06.960 because I

00:20:07.360 think you're

00:20:09.160 better shooting

00:20:10.060 from the hip

00:20:10.700 on this

00:20:11.400 stuff.

00:20:11.780 I'm always

00:20:12.540 constantly

00:20:13.460 impressed by

00:20:16.120 how often

00:20:16.700 you'll hear

00:20:17.840 a question

00:20:18.320 and everyone's

00:20:19.400 going to

00:20:19.760 totally relate

00:20:20.740 to my

00:20:21.120 statement

00:20:21.400 here.

00:20:22.320 Ryan will

00:20:22.620 hear something

00:20:23.120 and he'll

00:20:23.320 be like,

00:20:24.140 yes,

00:20:24.480 well,

00:20:24.780 you know

00:20:24.960 what?

00:20:25.180 There's

00:20:25.440 four ways

00:20:26.220 to address

00:20:26.700 that and

00:20:27.180 you come

00:20:27.880 up with

00:20:28.120 a four-step

00:20:29.600 principle out

00:20:30.360 of nowhere.

00:20:31.200 I have to

00:20:31.840 think through

00:20:32.280 stuff.

00:20:32.580 I'm not

00:20:32.840 as good,

00:20:33.760 but as

00:20:34.320 you're

00:20:34.480 talking,

00:20:34.880 I was

00:20:35.060 like,

00:20:35.340 oh my

00:20:35.660 gosh,

00:20:36.340 it's

00:20:37.480 impressive.

00:20:38.760 This crossed

00:20:40.200 my mind

00:20:40.660 and I

00:20:40.880 thought,

00:20:41.140 oh,

00:20:41.320 now this

00:20:41.820 is really

00:20:42.260 important.

00:20:42.980 You got

00:20:43.380 to separate

00:20:43.880 fact from

00:20:44.420 fiction.

00:20:46.380 Most

00:20:46.900 suffering

00:20:47.580 and upsets

00:20:48.220 is in our

00:20:48.640 interpretation

00:20:49.160 of the

00:20:49.940 event,

00:20:50.340 not the

00:20:50.680 event itself.

00:20:52.960 That's

00:20:53.440 how you

00:20:54.120 get complete

00:20:55.460 with things

00:20:56.160 from your

00:20:56.540 past,

00:20:57.120 is realizing

00:20:57.920 that your

00:20:58.620 interpretation

00:20:59.140 and the

00:21:00.000 facts are

00:21:00.840 not the

00:21:01.240 same thing.

00:21:01.840 Well,

00:21:06.780 I think

00:21:07.560 part of

00:21:08.820 it,

00:21:08.940 I'm taking

00:21:09.280 notes here,

00:21:09.820 Kip,

00:21:09.980 that's why

00:21:10.320 I had a

00:21:10.780 little delay

00:21:11.140 there,

00:21:11.460 but part

00:21:11.880 of it

00:21:12.060 also is

00:21:12.580 just not

00:21:13.000 to assume

00:21:13.460 the motives

00:21:13.820 of others.

00:21:15.640 I mean,

00:21:15.940 how often,

00:21:16.840 dude,

00:21:17.280 I do that

00:21:17.600 all the

00:21:18.060 time.

00:21:19.120 You know,

00:21:19.480 if my

00:21:19.700 girlfriend

00:21:19.940 says something

00:21:20.740 in a way

00:21:21.160 that I

00:21:21.620 don't like,

00:21:22.880 I'm like,

00:21:23.220 well,

00:21:23.320 she must be

00:21:23.780 mad at

00:21:24.020 me.

00:21:24.660 Bro,

00:21:26.440 I mean,

00:21:27.120 does she

00:21:27.400 have a

00:21:27.580 reason to

00:21:27.840 be mad

00:21:28.060 at you?

00:21:28.660 A lot

00:21:29.140 of the

00:21:29.300 times,

00:21:29.580 yes,

00:21:29.960 but not

00:21:30.600 all the

00:21:30.920 time.

00:21:31.840 And it

00:21:32.320 might just

00:21:32.660 be that

00:21:33.000 she's tired

00:21:33.740 or she's

00:21:34.840 bugged about

00:21:35.400 something she's

00:21:36.160 dealing with

00:21:36.860 or, you

00:21:38.060 know,

00:21:38.180 your kid

00:21:38.580 backtalks you

00:21:39.320 and you're

00:21:39.520 like, oh,

00:21:40.100 so disrespectful.

00:21:41.320 I'm like,

00:21:41.520 hold on a

00:21:42.280 sec.

00:21:42.520 Like,

00:21:43.560 what's really

00:21:44.540 going on

00:21:45.160 here?

00:21:45.460 And I

00:21:46.620 think as

00:21:47.960 an anxious

00:21:48.500 personality

00:21:49.140 myself,

00:21:49.580 it's very

00:21:50.400 easy for

00:21:51.140 people who

00:21:51.640 are anxious

00:21:52.080 attachment

00:21:52.620 styles to

00:21:53.620 immediately

00:21:55.100 jump to

00:21:55.780 the worst

00:21:56.200 case scenario

00:21:56.900 and that it's

00:21:57.560 an indictment

00:21:58.120 against them

00:21:58.680 personally.

00:21:59.340 When it

00:21:59.680 could just

00:22:00.020 be that

00:22:00.320 person's

00:22:00.760 just having

00:22:01.880 a bad

00:22:02.160 day or

00:22:02.880 they're just

00:22:03.300 off or

00:22:03.920 they're

00:22:04.080 distracted

00:22:04.520 and they're

00:22:04.860 thinking about

00:22:05.380 other things.

00:22:06.520 But that's

00:22:06.920 part of what

00:22:07.660 you're saying

00:22:08.160 is we

00:22:08.700 can't make

00:22:10.560 assumptions about

00:22:11.800 either other

00:22:12.340 people or

00:22:13.480 about the

00:22:14.340 way that

00:22:14.760 people respond

00:22:16.040 or are

00:22:16.540 circumstances

00:22:17.120 that don't

00:22:18.360 actually exist

00:22:19.140 in reality.

00:22:20.120 So learn to

00:22:20.960 objectify the

00:22:21.800 situation a

00:22:22.480 little bit and

00:22:22.940 separate yourself

00:22:23.660 from your

00:22:24.100 emotions and

00:22:24.820 your weird

00:22:27.160 perception of

00:22:28.160 what is true

00:22:29.100 and what is

00:22:29.500 not.

00:22:30.580 Totally.

00:22:31.760 It's good,

00:22:32.480 man.

00:22:33.080 That's a good

00:22:33.480 headline.

00:22:34.980 Or is it a

00:22:35.580 headline?

00:22:35.780 Are we doing

00:22:36.460 headlines?

00:22:36.880 Is that our

00:22:37.340 headline?

00:22:38.720 I just,

00:22:39.600 that was on my

00:22:40.180 mind and I

00:22:40.640 thought we could

00:22:41.020 talk about it

00:22:41.600 a little bit

00:22:41.980 because it was

00:22:42.900 something that I

00:22:43.420 wanted to address

00:22:44.020 and I know a

00:22:44.480 lot of other

00:22:44.780 guys are

00:22:45.060 dealing with

00:22:45.380 it as well.

00:22:46.480 Yeah,

00:22:47.140 totally.

00:22:48.140 No, it's a

00:22:48.540 good topic.

00:22:49.800 In fact, we

00:22:50.920 had a question

00:22:51.580 from, we have

00:22:53.060 questions today

00:22:53.740 obviously from

00:22:54.440 the Iron

00:22:54.740 Council and

00:22:55.540 I'll just

00:22:56.820 jump to this

00:22:57.400 question by

00:22:58.060 Jeremy

00:22:58.880 Kofi because

00:23:00.580 it's related

00:23:01.100 to this.

00:23:02.140 He says,

00:23:02.600 what's one

00:23:03.020 piece of

00:23:03.380 advice you

00:23:03.940 would give

00:23:04.240 your 20

00:23:04.680 year old

00:23:05.000 self?

00:23:06.200 This is

00:23:06.640 actually kind

00:23:07.060 of funny.

00:23:07.460 My friend

00:23:07.880 Alex D

00:23:08.480 said he

00:23:08.880 would tell

00:23:09.160 his younger

00:23:09.500 self not to

00:23:10.280 get that

00:23:10.620 tribal tattoo on

00:23:11.620 his lower

00:23:12.020 back.

00:23:12.480 I actually

00:23:15.540 laughed because

00:23:16.700 do you have

00:23:18.140 any tattoos?

00:23:19.520 No, I don't.

00:23:20.580 Yeah, and I

00:23:21.540 don't either and

00:23:22.300 people are like,

00:23:22.780 oh, do you not

00:23:23.200 like tattoos?

00:23:23.860 I'm like, no, I

00:23:24.460 actually think

00:23:25.160 tattoos are cool.

00:23:25.920 I've seen a lot

00:23:27.600 of great tattoos

00:23:28.280 and I've seen a

00:23:28.780 lot of horrible

00:23:29.320 tattoos, but I

00:23:29.940 don't have any

00:23:30.380 problem with

00:23:30.820 tattoos.

00:23:31.680 I just can't

00:23:32.440 think of

00:23:32.800 anything that

00:23:33.900 I would want

00:23:35.100 on my body

00:23:35.660 for the rest

00:23:36.260 of my life

00:23:36.940 and also

00:23:37.820 anything that

00:23:38.620 it won't

00:23:39.200 become trendy

00:23:40.020 for the next

00:23:40.640 two to three

00:23:41.220 years and

00:23:42.140 then be the

00:23:42.920 worst thing

00:23:43.500 you could ever

00:23:43.980 put on your

00:23:44.520 body in the

00:23:45.020 next five.

00:23:45.900 AKA a tribal

00:23:47.240 tattoo on

00:23:48.420 your lower

00:23:48.780 back.

00:23:50.200 Right.

00:23:50.680 All right, so

00:23:55.420 one piece of

00:23:56.100 advice, you

00:23:56.580 know what I

00:23:56.860 would say is

00:23:57.480 just as a

00:23:58.640 20-year-old,

00:23:59.220 is that right?

00:24:00.180 Yeah.

00:24:01.140 Just say yes

00:24:02.080 to everything.

00:24:03.360 Like, if you

00:24:04.420 have an opportunity

00:24:05.540 to go to

00:24:06.080 Thailand, go to

00:24:07.040 Thailand.

00:24:07.500 If you have an

00:24:07.860 opportunity to

00:24:08.500 go race dirt

00:24:09.460 bikes in the

00:24:10.160 Ba Desert, go

00:24:11.200 do that.

00:24:11.660 If you have an

00:24:12.020 opportunity to

00:24:13.280 go skydiving,

00:24:15.780 then do that.

00:24:16.460 If some

00:24:17.480 person says,

00:24:18.960 hey, I have a

00:24:19.400 job for you

00:24:20.040 and I

00:24:20.800 mean, obviously

00:24:21.540 there's

00:24:21.800 constraints, legal,

00:24:22.920 moral, ethical.

00:24:23.700 I don't think I

00:24:24.140 need to say

00:24:24.540 that.

00:24:24.900 But if a

00:24:25.980 guy has a

00:24:26.460 job for you

00:24:27.120 and you're

00:24:27.340 like, I

00:24:27.840 never done

00:24:28.220 that before,

00:24:28.800 go do it.

00:24:29.880 If a

00:24:30.180 friend calls

00:24:30.640 you up and

00:24:31.080 says, hey,

00:24:31.460 we're doing

00:24:31.760 this adventure

00:24:32.340 and you're

00:24:32.920 like, you're

00:24:33.720 not totally

00:24:34.220 thrilled about

00:24:35.040 it, just

00:24:35.360 go do it.

00:24:36.060 20 years

00:24:36.600 old, man,

00:24:37.700 it's amazing.

00:24:39.380 Like, you

00:24:39.660 have no

00:24:40.120 responsibility,

00:24:41.260 you have no

00:24:41.960 work requirements,

00:24:43.140 you have nobody

00:24:43.960 for the most

00:24:44.460 part relying on

00:24:45.340 you.

00:24:46.140 Just get as

00:24:46.860 much information

00:24:48.080 about life and

00:24:49.100 the world and

00:24:49.880 cultures and

00:24:50.580 experiences as

00:24:51.960 you possibly

00:24:52.500 can because

00:24:53.520 when you hit

00:24:54.200 30, 40, 50,

00:24:56.540 maybe as you

00:24:57.040 get 50,

00:24:57.740 depending on

00:24:58.200 your financial

00:24:58.920 position, you

00:24:59.680 can do that a

00:25:00.140 little bit more.

00:25:00.760 But yeah, 20

00:25:01.520 is where you

00:25:02.880 should just be

00:25:03.320 doing everything.

00:25:05.100 Yeah.

00:25:05.860 It's great

00:25:06.620 advice and I

00:25:07.760 think my son

00:25:08.680 must be

00:25:09.140 listening to

00:25:09.780 you a little

00:25:10.900 too often

00:25:11.520 because like

00:25:12.560 literally him

00:25:15.440 and his

00:25:15.700 girlfriend, I'm

00:25:17.040 like, hey,

00:25:17.380 what's next for

00:25:18.300 you guys?

00:25:18.560 Like, what are

00:25:18.900 you guys

00:25:19.140 doing?

00:25:19.480 They're like,

00:25:19.880 oh, we're,

00:25:20.620 our lease is

00:25:21.140 up in May.

00:25:22.160 We're quitting

00:25:22.760 our jobs and

00:25:24.440 we're going to

00:25:24.940 go to Europe

00:25:25.320 for a while.

00:25:25.940 I'm like,

00:25:27.120 awesome.

00:25:29.260 Do it.

00:25:30.540 It's do it.

00:25:31.440 And no job.

00:25:32.640 Well, when we run

00:25:34.060 out of money,

00:25:34.560 we'll come back

00:25:35.200 and find a job.

00:25:36.200 And I'm like,

00:25:37.300 man, you know

00:25:38.000 what?

00:25:38.180 I love it.

00:25:38.760 It's great.

00:25:39.940 I think it's

00:25:40.600 great.

00:25:40.900 I will say it

00:25:41.700 with a caveat.

00:25:42.540 I already put the

00:25:43.340 legal, moral,

00:25:44.020 ethical caveat in

00:25:44.820 there, but I

00:25:45.180 will give another

00:25:45.740 one because you

00:25:47.200 hear a lot of

00:25:47.720 these Instagram

00:25:48.660 guru type people

00:25:50.000 saying like,

00:25:50.800 oh, never go

00:25:52.240 out, like spend

00:25:53.600 80 hours working

00:25:54.780 on your business

00:25:55.500 and never go

00:25:56.580 like hang out

00:25:57.220 with your friends

00:25:57.840 because then

00:25:58.200 you'll, I don't

00:25:59.480 subscribe to that,

00:26:00.500 but I see some

00:26:02.140 merit in it.

00:26:02.740 And what I would

00:26:03.560 suggest to any

00:26:04.460 20 year old who's

00:26:06.020 going out, you

00:26:06.720 know, to Europe,

00:26:07.280 for example, like

00:26:08.420 take notes,

00:26:10.800 document what you

00:26:11.700 learned, um,

00:26:13.280 document through

00:26:14.380 social media,

00:26:15.380 write, write a

00:26:16.700 journal about the

00:26:17.860 lessons you've

00:26:18.560 learned and the

00:26:19.660 connections you've

00:26:20.420 made.

00:26:20.720 And I would say

00:26:21.180 connections are

00:26:21.940 going to serve you

00:26:22.520 well, better than

00:26:23.540 just about anything

00:26:24.260 else.

00:26:24.960 Because then when

00:26:26.120 you're 25, 28,

00:26:27.760 30, 35, it

00:26:29.840 wasn't just, oh,

00:26:30.900 we had a ton of

00:26:31.800 fun getting shit

00:26:32.620 faced in Paris for

00:26:33.720 a month.

00:26:35.100 It's no, I made

00:26:37.040 these friendships

00:26:37.840 and I learned this

00:26:38.960 about this culture.

00:26:40.000 And here's what I

00:26:40.700 appreciate about this

00:26:41.660 culture relative to

00:26:43.260 mine and here's what

00:26:43.980 I appreciate more

00:26:44.700 about mine and

00:26:45.520 here's an opportunity

00:26:46.680 we had and here's

00:26:47.680 how we had to be

00:26:48.580 creative when we

00:26:49.760 didn't have enough

00:26:50.380 money to keep the

00:26:51.840 lights on in the

00:26:52.540 flat that we were

00:26:53.180 at.

00:26:54.780 Take notes so

00:26:56.160 you're actually using

00:26:56.960 it as a learning

00:26:57.620 experience to

00:26:58.240 springboard the rest

00:26:59.000 of your life on.

00:27:00.140 Yeah, I love that,

00:27:01.220 man.

00:27:01.800 So, and you may

00:27:03.200 have missed this,

00:27:04.200 right?

00:27:04.660 But, and it's

00:27:06.020 great advice for all

00:27:07.060 the 20 year olds

00:27:07.620 listening, but

00:27:08.500 Jeremy's question

00:27:09.600 was 20, uh,

00:27:11.340 advice to give

00:27:12.540 yourself.

00:27:13.080 It's one of those,

00:27:13.960 you know, if you

00:27:14.460 could talk to

00:27:14.960 yourself when you're

00:27:15.740 20, what advice

00:27:16.580 would you give?

00:27:17.240 Oh, well, I mean,

00:27:17.800 I would say the

00:27:18.420 same thing, but, um,

00:27:21.840 yeah, I mean, I

00:27:22.820 would say the same

00:27:23.580 thing.

00:27:23.960 There was an

00:27:24.580 opportunity I had to

00:27:25.760 go to Germany when I

00:27:26.740 was probably 21 or 22

00:27:29.360 with the military.

00:27:30.280 And I was at the

00:27:31.160 time managing a

00:27:32.680 journey shoe store.

00:27:33.760 My background is

00:27:34.620 retail management for

00:27:36.080 people who didn't

00:27:36.580 know.

00:27:37.220 So I was managing

00:27:38.120 this store and my

00:27:39.180 national guard unit

00:27:40.560 called and I said,

00:27:41.380 Hey, we have this

00:27:41.920 opportunity to go to

00:27:42.720 Germany.

00:27:43.060 It's voluntary.

00:27:44.280 Do you want to go?

00:27:44.880 I'm like, yes,

00:27:45.720 absolutely.

00:27:46.320 I want to go.

00:27:47.180 The military is

00:27:47.880 going to pay me to

00:27:48.340 go to Germany.

00:27:48.920 Yeah, I'm in.

00:27:50.560 And I have a lot of

00:27:51.900 German heritage.

00:27:52.500 So I thought that'd

00:27:53.140 be a cool trip.

00:27:53.800 And so, um, I

00:27:55.460 called my, I think I

00:27:57.940 called my district

00:27:58.600 manager and I was

00:28:00.840 telling my assistant

00:28:01.800 manager at the time

00:28:02.580 and he's like, Oh

00:28:03.260 no, he's like, I

00:28:05.120 just took a job at

00:28:06.420 zoomies, which was

00:28:07.700 the, the, the store

00:28:09.900 right next to

00:28:10.740 journeys this.

00:28:11.780 Yeah.

00:28:12.720 And I'm like, Oh, I

00:28:14.660 mean, I was

00:28:15.000 disappointed to lose

00:28:15.860 him.

00:28:16.020 He was a great

00:28:16.520 employee and he was

00:28:17.460 really good.

00:28:17.980 I'm like, which is

00:28:18.720 why he got recruited.

00:28:19.620 I'm like, Oh man,

00:28:20.380 that stinks.

00:28:20.900 I said, can you

00:28:21.480 delay it?

00:28:21.980 And he's like, no,

00:28:23.400 I can't delay it.

00:28:24.180 They want me there

00:28:24.720 now.

00:28:25.640 And I, I told, I

00:28:28.260 called up my

00:28:29.040 national guardian.

00:28:29.780 I said, I can't go

00:28:30.540 work because I don't

00:28:31.640 have an assistant

00:28:32.140 manager to cover the

00:28:32.960 store while I'm gone.

00:28:34.040 And they were like,

00:28:34.660 okay, no problem.

00:28:36.240 And then later I got

00:28:37.960 thinking, why didn't I

00:28:40.340 just call my district

00:28:41.480 manager and say, Hey,

00:28:42.400 can we bring an assist

00:28:43.240 another assistant

00:28:43.980 manager from a

00:28:44.640 different store?

00:28:45.800 Or like, what are the

00:28:46.540 options here?

00:28:47.080 I never even explored

00:28:48.220 that.

00:28:49.560 What's that?

00:28:50.520 Make it work.

00:28:51.440 Yeah.

00:28:51.740 Figure out.

00:28:52.340 I should have made it

00:28:52.940 work.

00:28:53.260 Yeah.

00:28:53.800 Right.

00:28:54.160 And I didn't, I

00:28:55.120 thought I was doing

00:28:55.880 the responsible thing.

00:28:57.560 And I think to a

00:28:58.460 degree I was, but what

00:29:02.140 the, the manager at

00:29:03.540 journey shoes, like

00:29:04.800 what, like even if I

00:29:05.720 would have lost my

00:29:06.360 job, which legally I

00:29:07.220 could not have, cause

00:29:08.080 I'm going on a

00:29:08.900 military order.

00:29:10.020 But even if I would

00:29:11.000 have lost my job, like

00:29:13.460 in the grand scheme of

00:29:14.740 things, it would have

00:29:15.480 meant nothing.

00:29:16.240 And my experience in

00:29:17.340 Germany would have

00:29:17.920 meant so much more.

00:29:19.580 Totally.

00:29:20.420 Totally.

00:29:20.880 And I still haven't

00:29:21.380 gone to Germany.

00:29:21.920 So my thought for

00:29:24.740 Jeremy on this

00:29:26.440 question is like, I

00:29:28.600 don't know, like I

00:29:29.220 think a pulse check

00:29:30.120 here, man, like you

00:29:31.420 used to get pissed off

00:29:32.400 at these questions.

00:29:33.120 You'd hate these

00:29:33.900 hypothetical questions

00:29:34.840 back in the day.

00:29:35.440 Ryan would be like,

00:29:35.960 that's a stupid

00:29:36.680 question.

00:29:37.040 I can't talk to my 20

00:29:38.060 year old self, so dumb

00:29:39.120 question next, right?

00:29:41.220 But the answer should

00:29:44.220 be nothing.

00:29:46.260 That, that's the

00:29:46.900 answer.

00:29:47.820 I think the answer is I

00:29:50.180 wouldn't dare tell my

00:29:51.880 20 year old anything.

00:29:53.580 Why?

00:29:54.120 Because I'm, I'm

00:29:55.560 grateful for what I

00:29:56.660 learned when I was 20

00:29:58.180 and I wouldn't want to

00:29:59.820 F it up because then I

00:30:02.600 wouldn't be who I am

00:30:03.560 today and, and I

00:30:05.620 wouldn't be satisfied.

00:30:07.380 So like, I think that's

00:30:08.820 a pulse check, right?

00:30:09.780 Like if we're looking

00:30:10.440 at our past back to

00:30:11.600 your, your topic with

00:30:13.540 how we started off this

00:30:14.700 conversation is like,

00:30:15.860 if you're like, oh, I

00:30:16.960 wish I could have, that

00:30:18.140 means you didn't learn.

00:30:20.980 That's what I think.

00:30:21.760 I think it's a pulse

00:30:22.480 check.

00:30:23.640 I, I know I can hear

00:30:25.400 where you're coming from

00:30:26.340 and I hope this doesn't

00:30:27.120 come across as like

00:30:28.080 offensive by any means,

00:30:29.280 but like I'm a little

00:30:30.700 more practical than I

00:30:31.860 think the romanticized

00:30:33.220 version that presents

00:30:34.520 like, I, I don't have

00:30:36.240 any regrets.

00:30:37.240 I don't, you know

00:30:38.340 what I'm saying?

00:30:38.980 And so, dude, I mean,

00:30:41.040 it would be nice to be

00:30:42.200 out a little bit more

00:30:43.380 ahead because you knew

00:30:44.600 some things or, you

00:30:46.780 know, isn't that, and

00:30:47.480 I think about it, for

00:30:48.440 example, as my role as

00:30:49.380 a father, like, isn't

00:30:50.340 my job to help my kids

00:30:51.900 understand things that

00:30:53.140 they don't have any

00:30:54.200 perspective on.

00:30:55.800 Yeah, totally.

00:30:57.120 So that's where I think

00:30:58.380 it's valuable.

00:30:58.940 You can learn.

00:31:00.220 Go ahead.

00:31:00.760 But this is where I

00:31:01.660 think it's valuable to

00:31:02.780 say, like, and I get

00:31:05.400 the intent here, right?

00:31:06.800 It's a fun question,

00:31:08.240 right?

00:31:08.600 What advice would you

00:31:09.360 give your 20-year-old

00:31:10.000 self?

00:31:10.820 But be careful, though,

00:31:12.520 that you're not sucked

00:31:13.620 into this.

00:31:14.720 Oh, man, I wish I would.

00:31:16.380 That's fair.

00:31:17.460 Yeah, that's fair.

00:31:18.220 Whoa, whoa, stop, dude.

00:31:19.780 That, it goes back to

00:31:20.680 how we started this

00:31:21.320 conversation, but you

00:31:23.120 didn't, right?

00:31:24.780 You didn't go to

00:31:25.360 Germany.

00:31:26.920 Like, let it go.

00:31:28.940 And some guys.

00:31:30.160 But the other cool thing

00:31:31.020 is that I took advantage

00:31:32.180 of opportunities that

00:31:33.320 presented themselves after

00:31:34.460 that because of the

00:31:35.120 lesson I learned.

00:31:35.720 I'm like, I'm not

00:31:36.280 missing anything else.

00:31:38.120 Totally.

00:31:39.100 Totally.

00:31:40.240 So, yeah.

00:31:42.660 It's fun.

00:31:43.840 All right, what's next?

00:31:44.860 All right.

00:31:45.840 All right, let's get

00:31:46.980 Daryl Hahn.

00:31:48.520 What are ways to deal

00:31:49.640 with death, grief, and

00:31:51.880 feeling, I don't

00:31:53.340 understand this part, but

00:31:54.320 feeling future is set

00:31:55.820 for yourself.

00:31:56.720 Feeling future is set

00:31:58.740 for yourself.

00:32:00.120 Yeah, I can see how

00:32:02.260 people might feel like

00:32:04.400 they're, like, almost

00:32:05.980 like destiny, like,

00:32:07.340 either they're destined

00:32:08.120 to be something.

00:32:08.640 Like it's outside of

00:32:08.860 your control.

00:32:09.660 You can't change

00:32:10.380 your future.

00:32:11.320 Got it.

00:32:12.660 I mean, look, if you

00:32:14.020 guys want to go deep, we

00:32:15.120 can talk about this for a

00:32:16.080 long time, but there's

00:32:17.140 that constant argument.

00:32:18.260 I think Sam Harris is

00:32:19.660 notorious for saying that

00:32:21.320 there's no such thing as

00:32:22.300 free will.

00:32:22.880 And my belief is that

00:32:25.560 there is free will and

00:32:27.040 that our lives are

00:32:29.020 already predestined and

00:32:30.760 preordained in some way.

00:32:32.500 And you might ask, well,

00:32:34.080 how can that be?

00:32:35.040 How can your life be

00:32:36.240 preordained to be or to

00:32:37.900 do or to engage in

00:32:39.660 certain things and become

00:32:40.620 a certain person and yet

00:32:42.540 still say you have free

00:32:43.780 will over that?

00:32:44.820 And I'll tell you why.

00:32:46.380 I believe that God's hand

00:32:48.380 is in all things and that

00:32:49.700 he knows he's

00:32:50.920 omnipotent.

00:32:51.360 He knows everything, the

00:32:53.440 beginning and the end.

00:32:54.180 He knows all of it.

00:32:55.640 But guess who doesn't?

00:32:57.660 I don't.

00:32:59.380 I am ignorant to it.

00:33:01.120 And because I'm ignorant,

00:33:02.500 I am making choices that

00:33:05.700 I could very easily make

00:33:07.960 another choice tomorrow

00:33:09.860 because I don't know what

00:33:12.900 destiny holds.

00:33:13.760 I would argue that if I

00:33:14.940 knew, then my choices

00:33:16.260 would be tainted today.

00:33:18.200 Yeah.

00:33:18.420 Right?

00:33:18.600 Like, have you ever had that

00:33:19.380 thought exercise where you're

00:33:20.440 like, oh, if I could talk

00:33:21.340 to a fortune teller and they

00:33:22.500 could tell me my life, would

00:33:23.560 I want to know or not?

00:33:25.400 And it's tempting to say

00:33:26.400 you'd want to know because

00:33:27.720 hopefully you could change

00:33:28.640 it.

00:33:28.840 But if it's already

00:33:29.300 preordained, it is what it

00:33:30.480 is.

00:33:31.080 But if you don't know, then

00:33:33.200 you're free to make your own

00:33:35.200 life however you want, free

00:33:36.840 of what you think you're

00:33:37.860 capable of.

00:33:38.940 I don't know which is

00:33:39.660 better.

00:33:40.060 It's just kind of an

00:33:40.780 interesting thought.

00:33:42.920 But I mean, these are three

00:33:44.240 different subjects, death,

00:33:45.420 grief, and the feeling like

00:33:47.280 it's out of your control.

00:33:48.320 So, I think if I were to

00:33:51.980 find a common theme, maybe

00:33:56.320 I would go back to what I

00:33:57.220 was saying earlier about

00:33:58.160 letting go.

00:34:00.640 You know, if somebody close

00:34:01.900 to you dies, let go of

00:34:04.320 their death, but embrace

00:34:05.620 their whatever lessons they

00:34:07.460 taught you.

00:34:08.860 Embrace their life.

00:34:09.920 I think celebrate actually

00:34:11.120 their life.

00:34:11.640 I wish more people would do

00:34:12.580 that.

00:34:13.040 Just celebrate and honor who

00:34:14.220 that person was and how they

00:34:15.400 showed up for others.

00:34:16.200 Grief, again, you can

00:34:19.600 choose to let go of it.

00:34:20.720 This is the beautiful part

00:34:21.680 about being a human.

00:34:22.600 You can just choose to let

00:34:23.640 go.

00:34:23.880 And I'm not saying like you

00:34:24.680 flip a switch on the wall and

00:34:25.820 all of a sudden you don't

00:34:26.480 feel sad for somebody that's

00:34:28.320 no longer in your life, but

00:34:29.660 you can flip it.

00:34:31.320 You can say, I'm not going to

00:34:31.980 be sad.

00:34:32.400 I'm going to be happy that

00:34:33.260 they were in my life.

00:34:34.660 And I think that will help

00:34:35.660 not only alleviate some of

00:34:37.300 that suffering, but help you

00:34:38.540 see their life in a

00:34:39.560 different way.

00:34:40.880 As far as the feeling like

00:34:42.780 your life is set, I just

00:34:44.480 don't think it is.

00:34:45.320 I think if I continue to

00:34:48.800 make the same choices that

00:34:49.920 I'm making today, I could

00:34:51.100 make the case that my life

00:34:52.220 is set.

00:34:54.480 But I believe I'm capable of

00:34:56.220 learning new information, of

00:34:58.420 finding joy in life, of

00:35:00.540 making different decisions

00:35:03.460 simply because I choose to

00:35:05.440 make different decisions,

00:35:06.600 which to me will inevitably

00:35:08.220 produce a different outcome.

00:35:10.420 Like if I just treated you

00:35:11.460 like an asshole all the time,

00:35:12.620 Kit, like the outcome would,

00:35:14.120 we would, we would not be

00:35:15.000 friends anymore, right?

00:35:16.820 Like it's, and silly

00:35:19.380 examples like that, it's so

00:35:20.740 easy to see.

00:35:22.140 Well, it's hard when it's a

00:35:24.360 bit more intangible, but if

00:35:25.920 you make different decisions,

00:35:27.060 Daryl, at work today, the

00:35:29.040 outcome will be different.

00:35:30.460 Of course it will be

00:35:31.220 different.

00:35:32.140 It's just a formula.

00:35:33.600 We don't really know the

00:35:34.940 formula.

00:35:35.400 We know elements of the

00:35:36.520 formula that work well, but

00:35:38.320 we don't know what the

00:35:39.000 formula is for us because we're

00:35:41.280 the variable in the equation.

00:35:43.340 Like you have a predisposition

00:35:44.920 to be a certain way or to do

00:35:46.380 certain things or say certain

00:35:47.680 things, or you look a certain

00:35:49.240 way.

00:35:50.660 Some people are smarter than

00:35:51.960 others.

00:35:52.400 Some people are more

00:35:53.120 charismatic than others.

00:35:54.260 Some people are taller.

00:35:55.140 Some people are shorter.

00:35:56.060 Some people were born in

00:35:57.200 Iraq and other people were

00:35:58.660 born in America.

00:35:59.360 Like there's things outside of

00:36:00.980 our control.

00:36:02.140 So we're the variable, but we

00:36:03.720 also know that if we make

00:36:04.980 different decisions, life has a

00:36:06.420 way of turning out better than

00:36:07.480 it did before.

00:36:08.160 Yeah, totally.

00:36:10.300 You know, when I, when I think

00:36:11.700 of death and grief, the things

00:36:14.120 that come to mind is fill it,

00:36:17.520 allow yourself to fill it.

00:36:19.600 Like don't avoid it.

00:36:21.020 Like be with it.

00:36:24.440 I thought you said fill it, which

00:36:26.140 is the exact opposite of what

00:36:27.760 you're saying.

00:36:28.240 Cause some people will do that.

00:36:29.500 Fill it with something else.

00:36:30.700 Distraction.

00:36:31.480 But that's what I thought you

00:36:32.300 said initially.

00:36:32.860 Yeah.

00:36:33.220 Feel.

00:36:33.620 Yeah.

00:36:34.100 Feel.

00:36:35.080 And then I would talk about it,

00:36:37.320 have people in your life that

00:36:38.520 you can talk about how you're

00:36:41.140 feeling and what are the

00:36:43.740 thoughts crossing your mind.

00:36:46.640 And then the third, I'd say

00:36:47.940 don't neglect yourself.

00:36:50.260 People have a tendency to allow

00:36:52.380 their physical wellbeing and their

00:36:54.300 health to get neglected or

00:36:56.220 personal time and those things.

00:36:57.860 So don't neglect yourself.

00:36:59.600 And then, and then stillness from

00:37:01.260 Jocko's playbook is like honor

00:37:02.920 their memory.

00:37:03.500 That that's how you deal with death

00:37:05.840 and grief is, is honor their

00:37:07.800 memory.

00:37:08.340 Now with that all said, it's

00:37:10.840 really interesting.

00:37:11.700 The last couple of weeks I've been

00:37:12.800 really thinking about this, that

00:37:14.960 happiness.

00:37:16.560 I think people that are happy have a

00:37:20.080 healthy relationship with the

00:37:21.440 past death and grief and other

00:37:24.440 things that have happened and they

00:37:26.200 have hope for the future.

00:37:28.620 Hmm.

00:37:29.060 And so how do you have a healthy

00:37:32.460 relationship with the past?

00:37:33.520 And I think it goes back to what

00:37:34.580 we were saying earlier.

00:37:35.220 You learn from it, you evolve from

00:37:36.960 it, you use it to, to your benefit

00:37:39.580 to become a better version of

00:37:41.040 yourself.

00:37:41.300 That's how you deal with, have a

00:37:43.080 healthy relationship with the past

00:37:44.280 and hope for the future is found in

00:37:47.660 being present.

00:37:50.400 You know, a lot of what he put

00:37:52.900 here, what are ways to deal with

00:37:54.080 death, grief, and feelings for the

00:37:55.660 future?

00:37:55.900 It's like by being present now, by

00:37:58.600 being happy right now, to be

00:38:01.280 grateful for what you have right

00:38:02.940 now.

00:38:03.520 And we have a tendency as humans to

00:38:05.660 constantly look at the past,

00:38:07.400 constantly projecting into the

00:38:08.800 future.

00:38:09.100 And what we're not doing is just

00:38:11.440 living right now.

00:38:14.680 And so maybe that's part of, part of

00:38:16.840 the answer too.

00:38:18.980 When you were talking about hope for

00:38:20.720 the future, it's really interesting

00:38:23.000 that we are so, so quick to forget

00:38:28.180 how much we've done.

00:38:31.700 So let's say you have something bad

00:38:34.100 happens.

00:38:34.640 Maybe somebody close to you dies or

00:38:37.800 you lose a job or you have a

00:38:39.740 breakdown in a relationship or you

00:38:42.540 fall into money troubles.

00:38:44.300 And you think to yourself, I'm never

00:38:46.340 going to recover from this.

00:38:47.980 I'll always have this void in my life.

00:38:49.820 I'll never find love again.

00:38:51.880 I'll never be able to build my

00:38:53.220 wealth back.

00:38:53.860 I'll never get a job like this.

00:38:56.020 But it's final judgment.

00:38:58.140 People die.

00:38:59.100 Yeah.

00:38:59.520 You've had people in the past die and

00:39:01.500 you seem to be okay.

00:39:03.120 You've had, you've had, you've had

00:39:04.800 times where you've got fired and

00:39:06.460 you're actually in a better spot.

00:39:08.460 Could you imagine if you were still

00:39:09.500 at that job?

00:39:10.560 You've had women break up with you.

00:39:13.380 Maybe you've gone through a divorce

00:39:14.900 and it feels like the end of the

00:39:16.720 world, but you did it before and you

00:39:19.080 feel like you're in a better spot

00:39:20.260 now.

00:39:20.540 So why wouldn't you assume that life

00:39:24.220 will get better moving forward?

00:39:25.940 It always will.

00:39:26.700 There's nothing outside of death that

00:39:28.840 could deter you from having a life

00:39:30.620 that's better than it is now.

00:39:32.540 Yeah.

00:39:33.300 Yeah.

00:39:33.620 It's really interesting that we do

00:39:34.880 that.

00:39:35.740 It is.

00:39:36.540 It's very weird.

00:39:37.640 And we do that with people and where

00:39:39.440 they are, right?

00:39:40.320 It's, it's a final state, a state that

00:39:43.540 we place judgment in.

00:39:44.860 If Ryan offends me, it's like, oh,

00:39:47.000 Ryan's this period.

00:39:49.300 No, no, no.

00:39:49.860 He's, he's being an asshole right

00:39:51.440 now.

00:39:53.160 You say that a lot, I'm sure.

00:39:55.500 Yeah, but, but you know, I have hope

00:39:57.720 he may not always be that way, right?

00:39:59.780 Like he might learn and evolve, but

00:40:03.080 it's interesting.

00:40:03.820 We do that with humans, even our

00:40:05.340 judgments, not only on ourselves, but

00:40:07.480 even with them, that it's this final

00:40:09.060 state, not realizing that, that we've

00:40:12.140 all evolved and changed constantly

00:40:14.420 throughout the years.

00:40:16.700 I think it's a self-preservation

00:40:18.440 tactic.

00:40:19.760 Yeah.

00:40:20.380 Because if something happens, we go

00:40:22.520 on high alert and we have to make it

00:40:25.180 greater than it is in our minds, because

00:40:26.820 then that forces us biologically to do

00:40:29.200 things that preserve ourselves.

00:40:31.520 So if to your scenario, if you say, well,

00:40:34.400 Ryan's an asshole, you're protecting

00:40:36.460 yourself by saying he is an asshole.

00:40:38.320 He will always be an asshole because

00:40:40.280 you don't want to be treated like

00:40:41.280 that.

00:40:41.960 Yeah.

00:40:42.400 And you don't want to expose

00:40:43.660 yourself to a bad relationship.

00:40:45.540 And I, and I stop you from being a

00:40:47.480 variable.

00:40:48.380 Oh, he's this way.

00:40:49.400 Got it.

00:40:49.820 Okay.

00:40:50.000 Now I know what to do.

00:40:51.560 I don't have to deal.

00:40:52.480 I don't, I don't need brain power to

00:40:54.820 determine all the other possibilities

00:40:56.940 of how he might evolve and change over

00:40:58.880 time.

00:40:59.280 Oh my gosh.

00:41:00.020 Right.

00:41:00.200 Like that's, that's an unknown.

00:41:01.980 So I'll put him in a box.

00:41:02.900 No more energy expended.

00:41:04.260 Exactly.

00:41:04.580 Put him in a box so I know how to deal

00:41:06.180 with it.

00:41:07.100 Yeah.

00:41:07.260 That's actually a good, a good input

00:41:09.640 for romantic relationships and love.

00:41:12.900 You know, people say, I love this

00:41:14.200 person.

00:41:14.740 Well, yeah, you feel this way about

00:41:16.320 this person now, but when he or she

00:41:18.540 gets on your nerves for the next 10

00:41:20.420 years, you might not have that same

00:41:22.680 feeling.

00:41:23.100 So at some point you've got to make a

00:41:25.240 decision that I'm not going to

00:41:27.180 villainize this person.

00:41:28.320 I'm not going to compartmentalize them

00:41:30.220 when there's issues that arise, we're

00:41:31.900 going to address them.

00:41:33.000 But I fell in love with this person for

00:41:34.960 a reason and she has so many redeeming

00:41:37.440 qualities as do I.

00:41:38.960 And we also have not so great

00:41:41.400 qualities.

00:41:42.180 And so we work through those, but we

00:41:44.320 don't ever, when you're in a committed

00:41:46.160 relationship, just make the worst out

00:41:49.520 of a person just because they do one

00:41:52.300 bad thing.

00:41:53.020 Like all of us have a tendency of doing

00:41:55.140 if it's a pattern, you know, you got to

00:41:57.660 protect yourself, but that's a different

00:41:59.240 conversation.

00:42:00.360 Yeah.

00:42:00.840 Yeah.

00:42:01.100 All right.

00:42:02.180 Greg Cleaver, as recent tension rises

00:42:05.420 between the United States and Canada, do

00:42:08.680 you believe President Trump's economic

00:42:10.740 posturing and blatant apparent disrespect

00:42:13.060 for Canadian sovereignty represents a

00:42:15.300 clear and present threat to Canadians or

00:42:17.540 simply aggressive negotiation tactics?

00:42:21.000 As a proud Canadian, I'm outraged, unable to

00:42:25.200 remain silent and extremely insulted with

00:42:27.360 President Trump's rhetoric regarding my

00:42:30.360 nation, I'm extremely concerned.

00:42:33.060 Well, I would say the outrage thing is

00:42:36.240 not a thing like you can't, you can't

00:42:38.860 be that way.

00:42:39.360 Cause again, we're talking about control

00:42:41.020 for a lot of this conversation.

00:42:42.800 Like, what do you mean outrage?

00:42:44.440 Like, are you spending time and energy

00:42:46.260 consumed with what he's saying?

00:42:48.480 You know, that I don't think I would

00:42:50.620 spend a bunch of time doing that, but

00:42:52.120 you did ask a question.

00:42:53.500 Is this a clear and present danger?

00:42:56.080 I think it's an economic situation that

00:42:59.540 Canadians ought to be very, very aware of.

00:43:02.080 Like, if you're just looking at the data

00:43:03.760 specifically and the deficits in trade

00:43:06.740 between Canada and the United States,

00:43:09.000 Canada has way more to lose economically

00:43:11.680 than, than America by a relationship

00:43:15.000 falling apart.

00:43:15.900 So yeah, that's definitely something you

00:43:18.380 should be very aware of.

00:43:19.780 A physical violent threat?

00:43:21.780 I, I don't see that.

00:43:23.280 No.

00:43:24.760 Economically?

00:43:25.400 Yeah.

00:43:25.780 It's that, that's an issue.

00:43:27.580 Um, I also think it's a couple of things

00:43:30.540 and I'm trying to be very genuine on and

00:43:32.920 sincere on this question is that he is a,

00:43:37.380 an aggressive negotiator.

00:43:39.360 We know that.

00:43:40.380 And he's also a hothead and he gets

00:43:43.760 triggered very easily.

00:43:46.160 And Trudeau isn't somebody that he likes.

00:43:49.520 I don't know that there's anybody that

00:43:51.500 actually likes Trudeau.

00:43:52.900 Zelensky is another one.

00:43:54.360 Forget about the politics.

00:43:56.260 Trump just does not like Trudeau and

00:43:58.240 Zelensky.

00:43:59.680 So he says things to get at them.

00:44:04.180 He's doing that deliberately.

00:44:06.000 The motives are the question, but

00:44:08.520 I will say also that in spite of

00:44:12.060 Trump's childlike behavior at times,

00:44:16.120 he's also very pragmatic and he wants

00:44:19.720 to stack wins economically.

00:44:22.120 Trump doesn't want inflation.

00:44:23.960 He doesn't want bad headlines.

00:44:25.840 He wants to win.

00:44:27.120 He wants to be known as a winner.

00:44:28.780 And so I think the tactics are more

00:44:31.000 along the lines of what is going to

00:44:32.600 help create those headlines and create

00:44:35.280 those wins than anything else.

00:44:38.820 Now, what do we do about it?

00:44:40.300 Well, we treat each other with respect as

00:44:42.520 citizens of the United States and then

00:44:44.560 as you, citizens of your country, of

00:44:47.440 Canada.

00:44:48.320 And also, we hold our elected officials

00:44:51.520 to task.

00:44:52.940 Trudeau needs to be held to account.

00:44:54.920 Trump, when he uses this rhetoric and

00:44:56.360 it's dangerous and destructive, needs to

00:44:57.640 be held to account.

00:44:59.120 And we should all be doing that through

00:45:00.860 our representatives.

00:45:02.320 I don't know exactly how Canadian

00:45:04.460 politics works relative to ours.

00:45:06.420 All through our elected representatives

00:45:08.080 and all through getting involved in

00:45:09.960 politics ourselves and through electing

00:45:12.100 the people who we think are going to

00:45:13.640 serve our country's interest the best.

00:45:16.500 But no, I don't think there's a danger,

00:45:18.640 but I also don't think it's anything to be

00:45:20.140 outraged over.

00:45:21.740 I think we have personally a lot more

00:45:24.100 things to worry about than what Trump

00:45:26.280 says about Trudeau and making Canada

00:45:30.180 the 51st state, which I think is funny,

00:45:32.240 but I don't actually think that's a real

00:45:34.720 thing.

00:45:35.720 Yeah, I don't think so.

00:45:36.360 America doesn't even want Canada as a

00:45:38.700 51st state.

00:45:39.720 Same as we don't want Puerto Rico.

00:45:42.040 We have a great working relationship, but

00:45:44.160 I'm not interested in making Puerto Rico

00:45:46.080 a state of this country.

00:45:47.820 Why would we want that?

00:45:48.880 And it's the same thing for Canada.

00:45:51.560 Yeah.

00:45:52.740 Justin of Cuff, Ryan, I saw that you're

00:45:55.360 training for a marathon.

00:45:56.580 I have a 25k trail race in November.

00:46:00.260 Any additional running?

00:46:01.560 What does your training look like?

00:46:03.820 In addition to running, what does your

00:46:05.440 training look like?

00:46:05.940 In addition, yeah.

00:46:06.400 Yeah.

00:46:06.840 I just started maybe like three weeks ago.

00:46:10.140 And so this weekend I went and did a

00:46:12.260 longer run.

00:46:12.940 Um, my girlfriend, actually, she ran 10

00:46:16.520 miles straight, which was impressive to

00:46:19.160 me because we're training together and

00:46:20.560 she did 10 miles straight.

00:46:21.940 I did nine miles total and I ran about

00:46:24.520 seven of them.

00:46:25.580 So like, I'm, I am way behind and I want

00:46:29.180 to be very honest on that.

00:46:30.580 Like, it's, it's not like I'm a runner.

00:46:33.080 I never have been a runner.

00:46:34.380 I don't enjoy running.

00:46:35.740 I think it's ridiculous.

00:46:37.560 I don't know why we do it, but

00:46:39.300 apparently we're supposed to, or

00:46:41.880 something.

00:46:42.260 I don't know.

00:46:43.780 Um, but the things that I've been

00:46:45.480 looking into are nutrition.

00:46:47.000 So I'm going to do a half marathon the

00:46:48.840 end of March.

00:46:49.400 So in about a month, um, so nutrition

00:46:51.680 is going to be a big part of that.

00:46:53.360 Uh, I think I can lose about 10 pounds

00:46:55.720 in that timeframe.

00:46:56.980 And I think that will be really helpful.

00:46:59.540 Uh, obviously just not carrying around

00:47:01.560 as much weight.

00:47:02.700 Also making sure that I train my body to

00:47:04.820 retain water because when I do longer

00:47:06.980 runs, even this last run about, about

00:47:10.960 the end, about a mile or so before I

00:47:12.760 finished my leg, my right thigh started

00:47:15.620 cramp really bad.

00:47:17.820 And it's done that too on long hikes.

00:47:20.140 Her and I have done long hikes together.

00:47:21.680 We did one where I feel like I literally

00:47:23.220 almost died.

00:47:23.960 Like I'm not exaggerating.

00:47:25.200 Like it was, I could have died.

00:47:27.520 Yeah.

00:47:28.600 And I was so cramped and I was like

00:47:30.740 walking stiff legged the last mile and

00:47:32.860 a half of this hike.

00:47:33.980 So training my, my body to, uh, absorb

00:47:37.180 and retain water and then recovery is

00:47:39.900 going to be a big thing for me because

00:47:41.480 I feel it in my hips and back.

00:47:43.180 My legs get a little sore, but mostly

00:47:44.820 my hips and my low back.

00:47:46.760 So, um, sauna work, cold work, um,

00:47:51.000 stretching, that sort of thing.

00:47:52.800 But other than that, run and lift.

00:47:55.840 Yeah.

00:47:57.200 Got it.

00:47:57.920 All right.

00:47:58.220 Joe Gunter as a young man, what was your

00:48:01.360 most memorable, memorable rite of passage?

00:48:06.980 Sports were always a big rite of passage for

00:48:08.860 me.

00:48:09.180 Yeah.

00:48:09.600 I feel like sports had a big, a big part

00:48:12.380 to play in my development as a young man.

00:48:14.840 You know, we'd, we'd have a season and then

00:48:16.500 we'd do a banquet at the end of the season

00:48:18.000 or we'd celebrate or certain traditions that

00:48:21.500 we had.

00:48:21.860 So sports was always a big deal.

00:48:23.740 Um, military service was a big deal.

00:48:27.260 So for me, it was, it was those two things.

00:48:29.800 And you got to think too, what goes into it?

00:48:31.600 Well, it's hardship.

00:48:33.060 It's meaningful.

00:48:34.580 These are the factors I think that go into

00:48:36.080 rite of passage, hardship, meaningful.

00:48:38.500 Um, I would say you do it with other men.

00:48:40.440 I don't think you can have a rite of passage

00:48:42.060 if you don't have a man coaching you or

00:48:43.900 guiding you through it.

00:48:44.740 So I had coaches and senior leadership in

00:48:46.960 the military.

00:48:48.000 Um, and then there has to be a clear

00:48:49.700 completion and, oh, and there's one other

00:48:53.200 thing there actually has to have risk

00:48:54.840 involved.

00:48:56.420 Like if there's no risk, it's not a rite of

00:48:58.360 passage because there's no, there's, there's

00:49:00.080 no consequence for not doing it.

00:49:02.780 Yeah.

00:49:03.340 So if you look at rites of passage throughout

00:49:06.460 human history, especially when it comes

00:49:08.360 predominantly to, to men and boys is they

00:49:11.960 would be taken away from the tribe and

00:49:14.820 specifically from the women, isolated from

00:49:16.920 the women and, and then they would be put

00:49:20.300 to a test and that might be go kill an

00:49:23.060 animal or come to battle and, you know,

00:49:26.520 kill another man.

00:49:28.360 We're not talking about the morality right

00:49:30.120 now.

00:49:30.280 We're just talking about what rites of

00:49:31.580 passages look like.

00:49:32.960 And, and so they would be put to the test

00:49:35.040 and there was a very real risk of injury

00:49:38.160 and or death.

00:49:39.660 And then they didn't come back until they

00:49:42.980 completed it.

00:49:43.620 And then they were marked in a ceremony could

00:49:46.460 be tattoos, could be piercing, circumcision,

00:49:49.960 scarring, um, all sorts of things where

00:49:52.900 they were marked and they officially were

00:49:54.800 welcomed to the table as one of us, as a

00:49:57.680 man.

00:49:58.280 And it was the men who administered it.

00:50:00.300 It was the men who acknowledged it and it

00:50:02.480 was free from the community and free from

00:50:04.560 women's input.

00:50:05.860 So in modern times, should we do it that

00:50:08.480 exact same way?

00:50:09.500 No, probably not.

00:50:10.440 It's not, it's not as civilized as we are

00:50:12.960 now, but there's elements that should be

00:50:14.820 extracted from a rite of passage and it's

00:50:16.640 the risk.

00:50:17.320 It's being with men.

00:50:18.280 It's isolated from the group.

00:50:19.560 It's the ceremonial process and something

00:50:21.640 that has a clear start challenge and

00:50:25.500 completion.

00:50:26.880 Yeah.

00:50:27.300 When I think about these things, to your

00:50:31.860 point, they're very much coupled to a risk,

00:50:35.060 but these, these were the most defining

00:50:37.080 moments in my life where my confidence

00:50:39.600 drastically changed, but, but they changed

00:50:43.880 because I felt like no one was going to

00:50:46.600 save me and the pressure was absolutely on

00:50:50.960 and it was highly difficult.

00:50:53.760 And then afterwards it was like, I'm

00:50:56.440 capable, but it, but it required that level

00:50:59.600 of risk to even make that possible.

00:51:01.200 The other one that came to mind for me

00:51:04.280 specifically in the military, not just

00:51:06.440 military broadly, but basic training was

00:51:08.580 that for me.

00:51:09.880 I was gone for, I think I was gone for 20

00:51:12.180 weeks, 19, 20 weeks in Fort Sill, Oklahoma.

00:51:16.200 And it wasn't hard.

00:51:18.120 It wasn't hard.

00:51:18.980 Like some people thought it would because I

00:51:21.200 went with a couple of buddies from high

00:51:22.440 school and it was like hell week for 16

00:51:26.880 weeks.

00:51:27.240 Like it, I mean, it was challenging, but it

00:51:29.780 was never like mentally defeating or

00:51:32.820 demoralizing.

00:51:33.820 Like it is for some people.

00:51:35.760 I saw some people just crumble.

00:51:37.840 I'm like, that guy's clearly never played

00:51:39.900 sports cause he's not used to a grown man

00:51:42.040 yelling and spitting in his face as he's

00:51:44.140 getting pissed.

00:51:44.640 Cause he missed a block.

00:51:45.960 Like we had some advantages by playing

00:51:48.600 sports that helped us into the military.

00:51:50.920 Yeah.

00:51:52.180 All right.

00:51:52.840 Brandon Clement.

00:51:53.700 I'm coaching a five, five to six year old

00:51:56.760 basketball and signed up to develop not

00:51:59.120 only my son, but someone else's son, whose

00:52:01.320 father was my assistant coach.

00:52:03.480 In our first game, the gentleman sits in

00:52:06.400 the stands and leaves me on the court to

00:52:08.700 coach.

00:52:09.660 I had to kindly ask if he was coaching rest

00:52:12.480 of the season to find out the obvious

00:52:14.520 conclusion.

00:52:15.040 I explained a great length during our team,

00:52:18.500 uh, our team call in the iron council last

00:52:20.980 night, how I was battling the mental tug of

00:52:23.180 war on how to respond as a leader to the

00:52:25.620 situation.

00:52:26.620 He sent me a message about how I didn't

00:52:28.900 play his son long enough and how all the

00:52:30.860 kids should be equal playing time.

00:52:32.660 I kindly said, thank you for the feedback

00:52:34.840 and sent him the rules from the athletic

00:52:37.280 department.

00:52:37.780 I wrestled with ignoring him responding

00:52:39.960 minimally, which has to thank you for the

00:52:42.340 feedback and whether or not to address the

00:52:44.240 elephant in the, in the situation with him

00:52:46.760 having his word and not owning it.

00:52:49.460 I was really wrestling with my flesh because

00:52:52.160 something was telling me I needed to let him

00:52:54.240 know that this is a no fly zone in my book.

00:52:57.660 My question, what is the best way to respond

00:53:00.480 to these situations?

00:53:01.360 Because I'm seeing a disconnect where people

00:53:03.480 want to give feedback and their opinion, but

00:53:05.660 don't want the other person to share.

00:53:07.880 Are you really, are you owning?

00:53:10.020 Okay, that's it.

00:53:11.060 That's it.

00:53:12.460 I think you handled it right.

00:53:14.260 Yeah.

00:53:15.220 Now I, I, I lost a little bit.

00:53:17.260 So it sounds like the other dad isn't going to

00:53:20.800 coach, but he thought he was going to coach.

00:53:22.540 And then he backed out.

00:53:23.340 Is that, is that what I'm understanding?

00:53:25.180 He was supposed to coach and the expectation

00:53:27.720 wasn't met because he's up in the stands.

00:53:30.200 Oh yeah.

00:53:30.940 I think, I think you handled it correctly.

00:53:33.060 So the first, what I would have done is very

00:53:35.240 similar to what you would have done.

00:53:36.320 So if it's you, Kip, I'd be like, Hey Kip, I

00:53:38.620 noticed you were in the stands today and I was

00:53:41.400 under the expectation that you wanted to be the

00:53:44.280 assistant coach. Did I, did I misunderstand?

00:53:48.900 And maybe you say, yeah, I do want to be the

00:53:50.500 assistant coach. Oh, okay.

00:53:51.680 Well then that means that as the assistant

00:53:53.380 coach, you're on the court with me during the

00:53:55.780 game. Did you, were you aware of that?

00:53:57.320 Did you know you were committing to doing

00:53:58.580 that? Yeah.

00:54:00.100 Well, no, I didn't know that.

00:54:01.180 Well, that's the expectation.

00:54:02.500 Is that, is that fair?

00:54:04.000 It might simply be, oh yeah, I just thought I

00:54:05.720 just helped it practice, but you're the coach.

00:54:07.500 Like could just be a miscommunication.

00:54:09.880 Totally.

00:54:11.020 Or if he's like, oh no, I changed my mind.

00:54:13.300 Well, I mean, it's shitty, but okay, fine.

00:54:17.680 There's another parent that can come help

00:54:19.180 you. So that, so I think you handled that

00:54:20.720 correctly. I would just be a little bit more

00:54:22.700 assuming. We talked about this last week than

00:54:24.680 accusatory. And I noticed a little bit in your

00:54:27.540 language, it was more accusatory than a, than

00:54:29.920 questioning and curious about it. So maybe

00:54:33.380 change that a little bit. I don't know the

00:54:35.760 rules for your league. They're five and six

00:54:37.220 years old. So, you know, we're not really

00:54:39.200 going to put in the superstars and like start

00:54:41.540 benching people and having tryouts at five

00:54:43.980 and six years old. So I imagine the rules

00:54:46.320 cause I have coached a lot of years for a lot

00:54:48.540 of youth sports as my kids have grown up. I

00:54:50.820 imagine the rules are at a rec center

00:54:52.860 specifically that we're trying to give five

00:54:55.780 and six year olds equal playing time. I think

00:54:58.820 without seeing your rule book, he's probably

00:55:01.100 right about that. They're five and six years

00:55:03.200 old in a rec league. Yeah. Probably pretty equal

00:55:07.260 playing time. I would imagine the hard, the

00:55:10.000 hard part is that there's a lot of other

00:55:11.780 coaches who care so much about winning that

00:55:14.120 they won't adhere to that. And it makes, it

00:55:17.260 makes it difficult to win because there's

00:55:19.440 always one or two kids on the team that are

00:55:21.160 really good. You want to have in all the

00:55:22.720 time. And I think that's a later development.

00:55:26.180 Um, but I also think what you said, if you're

00:55:30.740 right, according to the rules, I think it would

00:55:34.200 be very easy. And I think you did it right by

00:55:35.840 saying, Hey, look, I understand we all want

00:55:37.540 our kid to play. I get that. I wanted you to

00:55:40.720 be the assistant coach and that changed. So

00:55:44.240 things don't always pan out the way that we

00:55:46.620 wanted to. Yeah. So, but here, here's, here are

00:55:50.020 the rules and I'm going to stick to these

00:55:52.880 rules because the rec center has asked me to

00:55:55.920 coach these young men. If you want to come

00:55:58.300 help me coach so that we can develop the kids

00:56:01.460 better and we can think and talk about

00:56:03.420 playing time, then let's do that together. Until

00:56:06.420 then I'm the coach and I'm going to follow

00:56:09.640 the rules of the league accordingly. Yeah. I

00:56:13.580 think that's perfect. Yeah. Full, full

00:56:16.520 disclosure, Brandon, I don't know you. Right. And

00:56:19.200 I don't like, don't take this too personal. Right.

00:56:21.380 And I might be a little bit on a soapbox

00:56:23.100 because I am like fed up with people in

00:56:26.560 leadership roles, having expectations without

00:56:29.640 communicating and asking for a commitment. So

00:56:31.960 I'm going to like lash out at you in this

00:56:34.560 example. Right. Own your world. Right. Like

00:56:38.900 did you set the clear expectations of what it

00:56:41.220 looks like to be a coach on this team? Did you

00:56:43.660 set the expectations of what it means to be an

00:56:45.580 assistant coach? Did you set the objectives of

00:56:48.020 what you want to accomplish as a coaching

00:56:50.240 staff? These are five to six year olds. My plan this

00:56:53.580 season is to win. Right. Or did it? Hey, what's

00:56:56.840 what's focus on developing these kids and giving

00:56:59.180 them rep? Is that clear? How much of this upset is a

00:57:03.320 100 percent in your expectations that were never

00:57:07.340 communicated to anybody and you're being passive

00:57:10.840 aggressive in your communication? Well, here's a

00:57:13.780 rule book. I don't need your coaching. Dude, lead this

00:57:16.280 guy. You're assuming he's ill intent trying to be an

00:57:19.780 asshole. He's not. He's just trying to get his son some

00:57:22.680 playing time. Yeah. And and he might be like super

00:57:26.080 timid and he might be like, oh, I really want to

00:57:28.720 help. But he's like, because how many people do you

00:57:30.840 know, Ryan, that do this? They navigate this water. Right.

00:57:33.560 Like I want to be involved, but but I don't want to step

00:57:35.820 on Ryan's toes. So I'm going to like kind of wait a

00:57:38.880 little bit. He might be waiting for you to lead a

00:57:41.520 little and clarifying his role in it. And all you need

00:57:45.120 to do is speak into him, set the expectation, and he's

00:57:48.640 probably will be highly beneficial to you and the

00:57:51.200 team. Maybe. But you're not going to know any of that

00:57:54.320 until you have a conversation and you set clear

00:57:56.840 expectations. You know, the other thing, Kip, that

00:58:00.320 might happen is he might not be on board with hitting

00:58:02.680 those expectations. But I will tell you one thing that he

00:58:05.260 will do. He will respect you more. Yeah. Yeah. And

00:58:09.200 that's whether it pans out or not, he will respect you

00:58:12.020 more. Go ahead. I have one other thought, but I want

00:58:14.120 to hear what you think about that. And what's, let's

00:58:16.840 be really clear. There's two steps to this. Set the

00:58:19.380 expectations of, of, of the role. And then you ask, are

00:58:23.660 you willing to be committed to do it? That's it. And he

00:58:28.960 might go, yeah, no, you're too intense for me. I can't, I'm

00:58:32.720 not willing to make that investment. Okay, great. I'm

00:58:34.580 going to go get another coach or he'll be like, okay, yes, I

00:58:37.960 am willing. I am committed to that. Okay. Now you're in a

00:58:41.400 position where you can kind of hold him accountable, but

00:58:43.860 until you have commitment, you guys are all just guessing.

00:58:47.240 Yeah. I would give one other bit of advice, Brandon, and

00:58:49.980 I'm not sure if you've done this or not, but I remember one

00:58:51.980 year I was coaching. It must've been, gosh, probably a

00:58:55.060 seven and eight year old basketball or baseball. I

00:58:57.900 think it was, it was basketball, seven or eight year old

00:58:59.760 basketball. And I sent out a text as, because when I'm

00:59:04.300 their coach, I get all their numbers. So I said, here's our

00:59:06.340 group text. And I said, here's my expectations for the

00:59:09.220 year. The boys are going to come in and here's when our

00:59:12.420 practices are. And I expect them to be there on time with

00:59:16.260 water. I'm not there to babysit. So I would love for you

00:59:20.140 to stay and watch the game, but also your role is to watch me

00:59:24.920 coach the boys. But it's good because then you can have a

00:59:27.760 conversation with your sons after practice at home about how

00:59:31.960 they did. I'm not taking water bottles that are left

00:59:35.560 behind. I'm not the lost and found. I take my kids' water

00:59:40.160 bottles. I take my kids' stuff. You and your boys are

00:59:42.760 responsible for your kids' stuff. The boys will treat me with

00:59:46.200 respect. They'll work hard. They will treat the other kids

00:59:48.960 with respect and we play to win. We will learn a lot of good

00:59:53.240 lessons, but my ultimate objective within the parameters of

00:59:56.420 learning good sportsmanship and playing hard is to win our

01:00:00.460 basketball games. And I was like, I say it's send. I'm

01:00:04.440 like, I don't know. That was harsh. I'm like, man, was that

01:00:08.820 hard? Like, was that too much? And so here's what happened. I

01:00:13.120 got, there was probably 10 boys, eight, 10 boys on the team. And

01:00:17.200 I got a message back from five or six parents that were like,

01:00:21.980 thank you so much. We've never had a coach be that clear about

01:00:26.140 what they expect. And for the most part, you know, they're

01:00:29.280 boys or seven year old boys for the most part, 90, 95% kids

01:00:34.620 didn't leave their stuff behind. They were all respectful. We

01:00:38.340 won some games, we lost some games, but everybody enjoyed the

01:00:42.000 season because it was very clear what the expect expectation

01:00:45.320 was and how I would show up. And I also said one other thing. I

01:00:48.160 said, we start on time and if they're late, that's not your

01:00:51.760 fault. That's their fault. You need to teach them that it's

01:00:53.780 their responsibility and we end on time. That is a pet peeve. When

01:00:57.700 a coach says we practice from five to seven at night, as a

01:01:01.600 coach, those are young men, those are kids, end it exactly the

01:01:07.160 time. Their parents are leaving their house, leaving other kids

01:01:11.000 at home to go get their son. Don't you dare take 15, 20, 30, 40

01:01:17.160 extra minutes and leave those parents in the parking lot. You

01:01:20.400 be a man of your word too as a coach. If you say it's from five to

01:01:23.360 seven, you ended at seven o'clock. So those kids can get to

01:01:26.560 other aspects of their life that don't revolve around what

01:01:29.060 you're coaching. That's, that's a pet peeve of mine. I get

01:01:32.220 frustrated about that one.

01:01:33.620 I love this example and let's, let's express what typically

01:01:37.860 happens. A coach might have all the same thoughts and ideas and

01:01:42.880 opinions that you have, but they, that goes uncommunicated

01:01:48.400 with uncommunicated expectations. So they don't send the email. Kids

01:01:54.220 show up late. Water bottles are being left. Kids are all over the

01:01:58.440 place. Parents are, aren't taking care of the kids and the things

01:02:03.320 like you would expect them to, and you're pissed off and you have a

01:02:06.980 heart at war towards the parents and you eventually lash out and

01:02:09.980 blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? Like that's literally what

01:02:12.900 happens all the time. And people are more than willing to do their

01:02:18.280 part, but often we have to make it clear. Like we have to be precise

01:02:24.540 and, and don't operate in these areas of, uh, areas of assumption. Like I

01:02:30.500 even think like sometimes at work, it's like, okay, we're, we're

01:02:34.020 professional. You got to explain that. This is what professional looks

01:02:38.340 like. It looks like dressing, acting, communicating in this

01:02:42.260 particular manner. People don't know. I have this great example that I

01:02:46.820 always use is this great employee of mine years and years ago, I hired

01:02:53.060 him. He came in, his name's Fernando, total stud. This guy's in his

01:02:58.320 phenom on the, on the jujitsu mats, but regardless, amazing guy. And I, I

01:03:03.060 said, Hey, Fernando prepare this presentation for the client. And he's

01:03:07.220 like, okay, and I'll prep this or whatever. I'm like, all right, you're,

01:03:09.620 you're doing solid. We'll take a look at it before we meet with the client.

01:03:12.120 We all should be good. Right. I remember he walked me through the slide deck

01:03:17.160 and I was like, Fernando, this is the ugliest thing I have ever seen in my

01:03:24.080 life. And he's like, what? And I had a relationship where I could really say

01:03:28.400 that. I'm like, dude, this is horrible. Like, this is really bad. And he's

01:03:33.740 like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, okay, I grabbed a presentation

01:03:39.320 from a previous client meeting. Right. And I showed him and he goes, Oh, that

01:03:44.020 looks amazing. It just wasn't on his radar. He didn't know what good looked

01:03:51.640 like until he saw good. That's all that it was, you know? And, and of course it

01:03:57.600 became a joke forever, right? Like don't show Kip anything. Cause he'll tell you

01:04:01.200 it's ugly. Right. But that's kind of how people, people don't know. They're

01:04:05.540 not going to think about these things unless you're clear and concise in the

01:04:08.280 communication. Yeah. I remember as you say that, I remembered a few other things

01:04:13.140 I said, these are important things for coaches like dads who want to be

01:04:16.680 coaches. Um, I sent them a link to the game schedule because parents are

01:04:21.280 notorious for saying, when's the game on Saturday? No. And I don't, I don't do

01:04:25.000 that. Yeah. You're like, here's the link. Here's the link. So what I said is, and I

01:04:29.580 always said, this is, Hey, in that introductory text that I sent the links

01:04:33.960 there, you know, what time the game is. Number two, I said, have the kids

01:04:38.680 practice this after every practice. I said, Hey, the kids need to practice 15

01:04:42.620 minutes per day of dribbling, or the kids need to practice 15 minutes per day

01:04:46.020 of passing. And then every week I'd say, Hey, parents, just a reminder, have your

01:04:50.000 kids do this this week. Also, I know who did and did not do those things. And

01:04:55.880 that's your responsibility as their parent. And then the third thing I said

01:04:59.240 is I said, um, I don't do snacks. If you guys want to bring snacks or

01:05:04.840 whatever, you guys can schedule it out. I would love for a mom or dad to come up

01:05:09.180 with an, uh, a worksheet and put in all the dates. I'm not doing that. And sure

01:05:14.300 enough, my mom stepped up. She's like, Oh, I'll handle it. I'm like, perfect. Try to

01:05:18.240 get everybody enlisted. Yeah. I love it, man. I, um, I struggled with trying to win

01:05:25.120 every game. I really, in hindsight, I look back and I'm like, Oh man, like it

01:05:31.200 wasn't as critical, but man, when I, when I was coaching junior jazz, I was like, we

01:05:37.320 got to win this game. Like everything was about the game. Um, so I get it right. You

01:05:42.700 want to win. Um, well, but also if you've ever coached boys, you guys know this

01:05:49.260 that some leagues don't keep score at certain ages, five and six year olds, they

01:05:53.680 might not keep score. I don't know what your league is like, but that's pretty

01:05:56.660 young. And so a lot of leagues don't keep score. I think they should, but a lot

01:05:59.440 of leagues don't. And guess who knows the score at the end of the game, whether

01:06:03.840 they kept the score or not. Those boys, they know the score. So we don't need to

01:06:09.500 hide it from them. We just need to make sure that we filter the score through the

01:06:14.340 lens of why practice is important. Why, uh, getting the fundamentals down is

01:06:20.940 crucial. Why being a team player, why working hard, why sacrificing will help us

01:06:26.660 put more points on the board and then talk about that as it being a metaphor for

01:06:31.600 life. It's not just about the basketball court. It's about getting good grades at

01:06:35.540 school and then getting a job and having a family age appropriate, of course. But

01:06:40.160 yeah. All right. Last question, Logan Ingram. What do you see as your greatest

01:06:45.000 failure slash mistake and how has your life changed since then? What did you

01:06:50.020 learn from it that you have implemented in your life and how, uh, do you share

01:06:54.280 that with others? Yeah, I, I, you know, I feel like I've talked about this quite a

01:06:58.560 bit and, but I wanted to have a family, like a, like a nuclear family. That's what I

01:07:05.380 wanted. Yeah. And I made a lot of mistakes over years, couple of years that really

01:07:11.040 just made that a very difficult thing for it to be, you know? And so I think that

01:07:16.420 was the greatest failure that I've had and I failed my kids, you know? Um, I, to

01:07:23.320 go back to what we said earlier, I've never been one to dwell on past mistakes and

01:07:28.640 just wallow in it. Like I don't have time for that. My kids don't have time for

01:07:32.120 that. You move on. We got to move on quickly and health in a very healthy manner. I

01:07:37.120 think, I mean, I try to, yeah. And that's, that's important. Um, so yeah, I mean, what

01:07:44.220 did I learn from that? Well, I'm definitely more patient. I'm definitely more

01:07:47.820 understanding. I think I'm a more empathetic person than I was in the past where I

01:07:52.600 can see not only in the relationship I have with my girlfriend, but even in the

01:07:55.860 relationship I have with Logan, you guys here in the iron council and order of man

01:08:00.120 that there's some gray area in life that I didn't acknowledge before where I used to

01:08:07.060 be really harsh, like very judgmental, very harsh on other people. Yeah. Yeah. And I still

01:08:12.600 am black and white in a lot of ways because I think there are scenarios where it's black

01:08:15.840 and white, but I can see some gray area and I can have a lot more empathy when a guy

01:08:21.200 screws up that I get it now that I didn't get it before. And that's made me a better

01:08:29.080 leader. I think as long as I'm willing to embrace that level of empathy and people

01:08:33.220 have said that, you know, guys in the iron council will get ahold of me after a call,

01:08:37.520 um, or a particular topic or something and say, Hey man, I just really appreciate the

01:08:42.920 way you handled that. And you, you know, me Kip, like I'm calling out guys on our Friday

01:08:47.720 calls. Like it's not like we're giving people a buy, but also I do it from a place of, I

01:08:53.800 hope it comes across as a place of, of empathy and kindness. Um, but not softness

01:08:58.520 cause that's not what many need either. So I would say that's what it is for me.

01:09:02.900 Yeah. Ironically enough, mine's the same. I mean, it's, it's probably my, my failure

01:09:09.420 of my marriage. Um, doesn't sting as much as it used to, right? I have kids out of the

01:09:16.240 house that are all grown. Those two boys are. And so it's a little bit, it feels almost

01:09:21.080 like a, a different, different world. Um, the lesson really that, that I got was how

01:09:28.140 much I was not taking ownership of my life. That was my big wake up. I, I honestly felt

01:09:36.720 Ryan, like if you talk to me in my early twenties and if you're like, Hey Kip, how's life? How's

01:09:42.400 your marriage going? I'd be like, my marriage is really bad. And this is all the re all this.

01:09:47.660 These are all the things that she's not doing. And I probably wouldn't give you a single thing

01:09:54.160 that I was doing at all. Right. And I honestly believed that I was not doing anything wrong

01:10:01.740 and it was all her. And I'm just like, it was such an idiot. I was such an idiot. I had no idea

01:10:12.660 that my world was my creation. My relationship with my spouse was my creation. The healthiness

01:10:19.160 of it was within my creation. My relationship with my family. I had all these things. I was a victim

01:10:25.840 that I was waiting and hoping for other people to make pivots and adjustments in their life to fix

01:10:31.840 things with me with zero accountability for myself. And that was the biggest lesson learned,

01:10:38.840 sharing. Obviously we, I think I, I think, I feel like we're sharing these lessons all the time,

01:10:43.900 every single week on the podcast. So that's, that's the avenue of sharing, but I don't shy

01:10:48.500 away from it. For sure. Yeah. You know, it's interesting. Cause I've heard people say,

01:10:53.020 if you take on too much ownership, it's not right either. Like, especially in a relationship,

01:10:59.400 like recognizing that it takes two people and all of that. And my thought has always been,

01:11:04.900 maybe not always, but my thought is currently that if I'm going to err on the side of taking

01:11:10.660 on too much ownership or not enough, I'd rather err on the side of taking on too much ownership.

01:11:15.900 Totally. Totally. Because I don't want to be helpless. I don't want to be at the mercy of what

01:11:21.020 other people do. And if I'm waiting for somebody else, for my boss to be more appreciative or my wife

01:11:28.480 to be more intimate or connected or my kids to be more respectful before I'm allowed to move on,

01:11:36.580 I'm allowed to get better. I'm allowed to develop. I'm going to be waiting a very, very long time.

01:11:42.900 And I'm just not interested in that. Yeah. Most people that have that story of,

01:11:48.580 well, you can't take on too much responsibility. It's because they've lacked critical thinking.

01:11:52.920 I'm not saying I'm taking responsibility for her choices and her actions. No, no, no.

01:11:58.120 Right. I'm taking responsibility for my role in it. And, and people need to critically think,

01:12:04.540 right? Like, oh, well, I don't like the way she treats me. Okay. Well, you can't control her,

01:12:09.800 but did you communicate the expectations? Did you ask, did you ask her what you can do better? Like,

01:12:17.040 trust me, there's a lot that you can do. And once you get down to the brass tacks of the specifics

01:12:22.300 of what's within your realm of control, you shouldn't be waiting. You have a boss that

01:12:26.940 doesn't appreciate you. Hell yeah. You should be communicating. Hey boss, I don't feel appreciated.

01:12:31.700 This is what appreciation looks like. It's really valuable to me. If I valuable to me,

01:12:37.100 if I got feedback from you more often, like those are the conversations that should be happening all

01:12:42.300 the time, but people don't have them because, and, and it's interesting, right? And let me ask you

01:12:47.240 this. I used to think we wouldn't do these things because we needed an easier way. Like there needs

01:12:54.740 to be a hack or, well, you just change. And I actually think, and I used to believe that. And now

01:13:00.680 I 100% just believe it's a lack of people being courageous and you just have to be courageous.

01:13:06.520 And that's the answer. Yeah. You're scared and you're not being courageous enough.

01:13:10.040 Right. Because what happens if you go to your wife and say, Hey babe, look, we've been having a hard

01:13:15.880 time and I don't, I don't, I don't think we've been treating each other well, but there's some

01:13:20.540 things that you've said over the past couple of weeks that have really like stuck with me and were

01:13:25.020 hard for me to hear. And I don't think they were warranted or, and, or necessary. What's the risk in

01:13:30.780 that? That she'll get mad at you. And like, and she'll this, at least this is what you're saying that

01:13:36.340 she'll get mad at you and end the relationship and the marriage and call you the names that she

01:13:40.820 called you before. And, but that's just not what people do, you know, but, but that risk

01:13:46.660 is there. At least you, you perceive it to be there and you don't want to be alienated from the group

01:13:54.120 and you don't want to lose what you have. So in many ways you think, I guess the analogy would be

01:14:01.720 being in a, being in a boat and you know, the boat's taking on water. And so you're slowly drifting

01:14:09.440 and it's taking on water and the boat is slowly sinking, but you're okay with that because the

01:14:15.220 last thing you want to do is rock the boat. Cause then it might be immediate death. Yeah. And that's

01:14:21.100 what people are afraid of. If I do this now, then I'm guaranteeing a negative result versus if I wait

01:14:27.560 it out, maybe it will get better. It's a, well, what's going to get better if you don't acknowledge

01:14:33.380 nothing, it's going to get worse, always worse. So bring it up now. And so often inaction is a

01:14:41.080 result of us jumping to the conclusion before determining if something should be said.

01:14:47.220 So don't jump to the conclusion. Just ask, should I say something? Yes or no? Well, what might happen?

01:14:55.140 No, no, don't, don't go there. Should something be said? Yes or no. If it's yes, now it's your job

01:15:00.880 to figure out how to say something without, without it going to shit. Right. And now you can navigate

01:15:07.720 those waters, get some coaching and, and figure out the most effective way. But, but what we do is we

01:15:12.700 jump to what might happen to determine whether something should be communicated or not. And that's

01:15:17.760 where, that's where the failure is. Well, and how often have you had one of these quote unquote

01:15:22.700 difficult conversations that you needed something different from somebody and you go and tell them

01:15:27.780 and they're like, yeah, okay, I can do that. Totally. And you're like, shit, I should have done

01:15:32.700 that six months ago when it was bothering me first. Like that's, that's usually what will happen. It

01:15:38.200 may not be like that, but if you tell your wife, like, Hey babe, look, I want to be more physically

01:15:42.980 intimate with you. Like, I know you're tired. I'm tired at the end of the day. Like I want to be more

01:15:47.220 physically intimate. Like more often than not, she's going to be like, well, yeah, I do too.

01:15:52.360 What can we do to make it happen? You're like, Oh, I've been missing out for six months because

01:15:56.120 I'm afraid to tell her I want to be intimate with her. Yeah, exactly. You know, or your bot,

01:16:02.060 you go into your boss and you're like, Hey boss, I've been doing this hard work, man. And I, I,

01:16:05.840 I feel appreciated. I like the work. I'm in, I'm glad to be here, but you know, in looking through my

01:16:11.220 financial situation, I think relative to what other people are making for what I do and the value I bring to

01:16:16.960 the company, I I'm going to ask you for a raise. And they say, you know what? That has been on our mind

01:16:23.020 for a little while. Let's evaluate that and talk next week about it. And you get a raise. It's like,

01:16:27.900 ah, why didn't I do that years ago? Totally. Cause the worst case scenario is no. And then you're not

01:16:34.660 any better, worse off. Totally. And now they at least have some insights of where your thought is.

01:16:40.780 So maybe you didn't get the raise, but now your boss knows that you're expecting one, you know,

01:16:45.420 and it's going to put some pressure on them to deal with it. And maybe in the near future,

01:16:49.880 there's, there's one other thing this does, and this is gets overlooked. It proves to yourself

01:16:56.320 that you're worth advocating for what you want is important. And every time you have something you

01:17:05.400 want, but don't vocalize it, you're conditioning yourself to believe you're not worth advocating for

01:17:10.520 your needs and desires. But when you go tell the woman in your life, what you want respectfully,

01:17:16.660 tactfully, or you tell your kids how they are to behave, or you tell your boss, what you expect,

01:17:21.980 you're proving to yourself that you're a man worth advocating for. And you have value to offer

01:17:27.780 in professional and personal and romantic and platonic relationships. So prove to yourself that

01:17:34.560 you're worth advocating for by speaking about what you need, want, desire. It's okay.

01:17:39.280 It's you need to do it. And that's what leaders do too, by the way, they lead people. Here's what I

01:17:45.860 expect. Can you do this? And most people, I think if you're worthy of following will say, yep, I can do

01:17:51.640 that. I want to do that. Yeah. I love it. That's a great way to wrap up. Follow Mr. Mickler on X in the

01:18:00.160 gram at Ryan Mickler. Same thing with you. At Kip Sorensen. At Kip Sorensen. Facebook group. You can join us

01:18:08.660 there. I don't know. Major call to actions, man. We could do battle ready. You got the men's forge

01:18:14.980 event coming up in May. Yeah. We've got some new, we've got the men's forge and we've got some new

01:18:19.360 programs that we're working on. A little bit behind the scenes that I'll announce very soon. So make

01:18:23.840 sure you jump on and get your email entered into the website so we can send you those. They're very

01:18:28.960 exciting. And I promise you, they're going to be pertinent to a lot of you guys. And then the men's

01:18:32.360 forge. That's going to be May 1st through the 4th, 2025. Uh, I almost said 20, 2005 earlier today.

01:18:40.240 I'm like, I'm like 20 years behind the times here. 2025. That is hard to say. It doesn't seem like

01:18:46.940 it'd be, it should be 2025. Anyways, the men's forge, go to themensforge.com and get registered

01:18:53.200 for that. That's it. Cool. Awesome, man. All right, guys, go out there, take action and become the man

01:18:58.700 you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take

01:19:07.580 charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order

01:19:12.220 at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - February 26, 2025

Learning to Let Go, Overcoming Grief, and Setting Expectations ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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