Order of Man - Learning to Say "No," First Impressions at a New Job, and Why Rest is Part of the Success Equation ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan

00:00:27.640 Mickler, and I am the host and the founder of the podcast and the movement that is Order

00:00:31.680 of Man, the movement to reclaim and restore masculinity. Typically, I am joined on this

00:00:38.100 Wednesday show with my co-host Kip Sorensen, and the way that this played out is I actually

00:00:43.700 recorded a podcast with him earlier yesterday, but for whatever reason, technology didn't

00:00:49.160 want to work with us, and the podcast did not save the recording. So I'm going to be fielding

00:00:54.300 questions from members of the Facebook group today. And these are questions that both Kip

00:01:00.260 and I have already answered, but have failed to record and get them to you. Unfortunately,

00:01:04.620 he couldn't join me the second time around. So you have to just hear from me and my insights

00:01:09.480 into answering these questions for you. Now, guys, in addition to this, uh, AMA, this ask

00:01:15.040 me anything. We have our Tuesday show, which is an interview show. Uh, earlier this week,

00:01:19.060 I had released my conversation with my wife. Uh, so you're definitely going to want to check that

00:01:23.260 one out. And then also, uh, our Friday show, which is our Friday field notes, which is thoughts

00:01:29.020 and ideas and discussions that need to be had regarding masculinity and what it means to be a

00:01:33.820 man. And of course that's released every Friday. So we've got a plethora of shows from you to choose

00:01:38.400 from. I would appreciate it. If you did two things, subscribe, that goes a long way in promoting

00:01:43.680 the visibility of the show. And then of course gets the information into your earbuds. And then also,

00:01:48.500 if you would share it, all right, share each show with anybody that you think would need to hear

00:01:52.720 the message that we are sharing in the order of men podcast and this movement. So again,

00:01:58.580 these questions that I'm going to be answering today, and we'll go for about an hour today are

00:02:02.280 from, uh, questions, uh, from members inside of our Facebook group, which can be found at facebook.com

00:02:08.760 slash groups slash order of man. And, uh, you can join 60, almost 5,000 men over there. And, uh,

00:02:16.440 we've got some really great, uh, questions lined up again. I've already answered these,

00:02:20.380 so I will do my best to answer these as best I can the second go around. And I appreciate you

00:02:26.400 guys understanding. All right, guys, let's get right into it. Uh, first question is from

00:02:30.560 Justin Hanley. He says, turning in my two weeks notice at a job I actually like today, uh, going

00:02:36.700 to a faster growing company closer to home that is more involved in my community. What are some

00:02:41.600 things I might do upfront at my new job to make sure I'm making the best first impression possible?

00:02:46.600 And maybe some common mistakes people make at a new job. Thank you. Love the movement is changing

00:02:52.380 my life. First of all, I want to congratulate Justin. Now I know that's a sacrifice at times to,

00:02:57.840 uh, move to, uh, another company, another organization. Uh, it sounds like you actually

00:03:04.200 like what you're doing now, but you're moving to a faster growing company. Uh, and then it's closer

00:03:08.760 to home so you can be more involved with your community. And I imagine your, your family as

00:03:12.720 well. So that's a difficult decision to make, but I commend you. It sounds like you're on the

00:03:16.800 right track. Uh, as far as some things that you can do upfront to make sure that you're making the

00:03:22.680 best first impression, there is a fine line between you going in there and being excited and assertive

00:03:31.440 and letting the organization and the company you're going to be working with know how excited you are

00:03:35.860 about being there and then coming across as dominant or overly aggressive. And certainly

00:03:42.440 you don't want to come across as that. So the best thing that I would encourage you to do is to ask

00:03:48.900 powerful questions. Now, these are not questions that you're asking just for the sake of asking the

00:03:53.900 questions. These are not questions that you're asking because you like the sound of your own voice.

00:03:57.900 These are genuine. These are sincere questions with the desire and motive to understand more about

00:04:03.820 the organization so that you can help and you can thrive and you can lead this organization moving

00:04:10.300 forward. Uh, I think there's a risk in putting yourself too far out there, at least initially.

00:04:16.400 And this is why I say it's a fine line that you're going to have to find the balance with because,

00:04:20.500 uh, to your question about common mistakes is if you come in there too hot and too gung-ho and too

00:04:26.660 excited initially, and you start thinking about all these things you want to improve and tweak and change

00:04:32.580 and adapt. Well, you don't have any context for that. And because you don't have any context for

00:04:37.980 what is actually happening currently in the organization, you are quite frankly, ignorant to

00:04:45.380 the reasons they may have been doing things the way they're doing them. So rather than stick your foot

00:04:49.860 in your mouth and potentially ostracize yourself from the team and the management group, uh, it's better

00:04:55.720 to ask questions, to really strive to understand why they're doing things the way they're doing.

00:05:00.640 And then of course, by asking questions, you, you get up to speed that much quicker. Now,

00:05:05.620 I don't know if you're coming into this new position in a leadership role or as, as a rank and file

00:05:11.220 employee. But what I would tell you is whether you're going into a leadership capacity or rank

00:05:15.700 and file employee, learning to ask powerful questions is going to serve you in either capacity.

00:05:21.160 If you're an employee, obviously it's going to serve you because you're going to be learning

00:05:25.280 those things that you need to learn to get to up to speed quickly. But if you're going into a

00:05:30.120 leadership capacity, asking questions, even from your quote unquote subordinates is going

00:05:36.220 to help you build influence because what they might be afraid of, since they didn't hire within

00:05:40.480 the organization, they're hiring outside of the company is that you're going to come in

00:05:44.780 and you're going to change anything. And, and, and you're going to add new projects and new

00:05:50.040 levels of stress and maybe layoffs. And there's going to be conflicts with new employees or existing

00:05:56.740 employees and yourself. And you want to diffuse that as quickly as possible. And you want to win

00:06:01.940 over their trust. And you do that by asking questions, getting to know them, having a genuine

00:06:07.360 and sincere desire to know what this organization is all about and how you can serve them. So bottom

00:06:14.280 line, my suggestion and recommendation to you is to find that balance. Try not to step over the line

00:06:21.760 and get too aggressive or too assertive, but ask great and powerful questions so that you can get

00:06:28.400 up to speed and onboard quickly and win over some trust and influence with the people you're going

00:06:32.620 to be working with. Again, congratulations on that. All right, Jason Sanchez. He says, when is it

00:06:38.680 important to stop and rest to just sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor? Or do you think it's

00:06:44.840 more important to always be quote unquote, getting after it and preparing for the next thing?

00:06:50.060 Now I've got a little bit of a different perspective and it always, it didn't always used to be like

00:06:55.260 this. There used to be a point in my life where I was go, go, go, go drive, drive, drive. And I never

00:07:01.220 took any level of rest. And I looked at rest as something that just kind of had to be done almost

00:07:09.140 like a necessary evil. And then it kept me from being productive. It was like the thing in my way,

00:07:14.760 but what I've found as I get older and I lead and I'm more mature and I see what's more effective

00:07:22.180 and more efficient in working with other organizations and people and my own objectives

00:07:26.860 is that rest isn't compartmentalized to something that I have to do outside of being productive.

00:07:33.780 Rest is actually something I need to do in order to be productive. It's part of the production

00:07:40.500 process. It's a critical component, an integral part of you being successful. And if you aren't

00:07:47.480 learning to rest periodically throughout your day in the week, the weekend, then you just flat out are

00:07:53.600 not being as efficient as you could had you not been taking that rest. And I know there's a big push

00:07:59.340 in social media and podcast and the influencer world, if you will, to sleep when you're dead and never

00:08:05.860 rest. But it's, it's, we, we know scientifically, we know that if you're not getting the proper rest,

00:08:12.780 you're not rejuvenating, you're not recovering, then you're just not going to be as effective.

00:08:16.780 Now, when I say rest, I'm not talking about like going to watch the football game. I'm not talking

00:08:23.360 about going to take a nap for two or three hours a day. I'm talking about active rest. Something that I

00:08:28.980 do every single, well, just about every single day is I drive to the post office. My son, my oldest son

00:08:35.140 packs up the orders. We do that together. He puts them in a box. We ship them out and I bring those

00:08:41.140 to the post office. The post office is about 10 minutes away and there's value in me driving to

00:08:48.360 the post office. Although some might say, well, that's a waste of time or wasted effort. No, it's

00:08:52.820 time for me to be away from podcasts. It's time for me to be away from my cell phone and be off the

00:08:57.900 internet and off of social media and just alone with myself. And that little, that little 10 minutes or

00:09:04.340 20 minutes, if we're looking at a round trip is a very quick way every single day for me just to

00:09:09.500 get a little bit of much needed rest and then re-engage when, once I get back. Um, I've done

00:09:15.220 other things like, like taking off in the middle of the day to go snowboarding with my kids, uh,

00:09:19.340 every day, just about, I have lunch with my wife. So I go downstairs and, uh, we have some lunch

00:09:24.880 together. We might watch a clip from Tucker or something else, but we're just spending that 15

00:09:29.160 minutes together. And then I come back up and I do my thing. So I think you need to be careful of

00:09:33.640 just looking at rest as, as vacation, right? Like you taking two or three or four weeks off and not

00:09:40.100 doing anything that to me is not productive. It's not helpful. Uh, and you're going to feel some

00:09:46.740 levels of guilt, but if you're taking rest every single day, you build it into your day and week

00:09:51.680 periodically, and you realize that it's a critical component to your success. You're going to have more,

00:09:56.900 uh, success with enjoying, like you said, Jason, the fruits of your labor and your life in general.

00:10:03.560 All right. Andrew Bass, he says challenges men face as they're building their tribe and their gang

00:10:09.500 of other men that the biggest challenge, Andrew, I would say is finding other like-minded men.

00:10:16.380 That's the hardest part, because if you're listening to this podcast or you're in the Facebook group,

00:10:21.020 or you're in the iron council, or you've read our book sovereignty or done anything that we're doing

00:10:25.160 here or tapped into it, you to some degree are vested in your success, but not everybody's like

00:10:33.520 that. In fact, if you're trying to build your tribe or your quote unquote gang of other men,

00:10:38.540 the majority of people that you surround yourself with are not going to be like that at all.

00:10:43.560 They're worried about just getting enough, you know, with, with work just to get by, just to do

00:10:49.260 enough work with their wife and kids so that their wife won't leave them, uh, where the next party is, 0.98

00:10:53.900 when the next drink is, when the weekend is, when the next vacation is to Jason's point earlier,

00:10:58.960 that's what most people are worried about. And so if you're on this path of self-development and

00:11:03.680 self-improvement, you're, you're going to be the weird one because not everybody's like this. In fact,

00:11:09.240 most people are not. So what you're going to need to do is go through a lot of people. It's just

00:11:13.180 the law of numbers, the law of large numbers. You're going to have to go through a lot of guys to find

00:11:18.260 the handful of guys who are motivated, who are inspired, who are inspiring, who want to be held

00:11:25.160 accountable. They want to hold you accountable and really, uh, be the kind of men that you're

00:11:30.100 looking for. But I recommend that you get together in groups of men, whether that's a fight night or a,

00:11:36.420 a bowling league or an archery club or golfing, uh, any number of things that you could do to get men

00:11:44.980 banded together, a basketball pickup game of basketball with your neighborhood or church

00:11:50.320 community, whatever it looks like, get as many men together as you can. And when you get these

00:11:55.340 guys together, you're going to start identifying who are the ones who are motivated and inspired to

00:12:00.240 grow and to become something more. And when you find those people, then just spend more time with

00:12:05.800 them and less time with the guys who aren't on the same wavelength as you. And it's not bad. It's not

00:12:11.440 bad that they're not on the same wavelength. We need to be careful of the judgment.

00:12:14.980 It just means they're not on the path that you want to walk. And if you want to walk down this

00:12:18.920 path of self-development and self-improvement, then you've got to find guys to go with you.

00:12:23.120 And I've had the most success doing that. All right, Eric Shepley, after being laid off for the

00:12:29.580 third time now, over 15 years at each different company, uh, is it me or the profession? How do you

00:12:36.560 translate or show transferable skills to find work in another industry? Well, look, if, if we're being

00:12:44.860 honest, um, if it probably is you to a degree, and I'm not saying only, you know, and that might

00:12:51.900 sound harsh, that might sound like, like I'm being mean, but I mean, let's, let's be truthful

00:12:56.800 because if, if you were indispensable at these organizations, then you wouldn't have got laid off,

00:13:03.200 but because you continue to get laid off, maybe you're not as indispensable as, as you would have

00:13:09.200 hoped, or if you would have liked to have been, uh, there's a great book called Lynchpin. It's by

00:13:15.140 Seth Godin, I believe. And the subtitle is making yourself indispensable. And he talks about this very

00:13:20.900 thing in that book, how to make yourself so good that you always have a job, that you're always in

00:13:27.480 demand that you're always needed. And, and I'll say this at the risk of sounding arrogant, that

00:13:32.120 because I've made myself indispensable in a lot of ways, and I'll talk with you about how that

00:13:37.760 specifically translates. There isn't a point in time where I wouldn't be able to find meaningful

00:13:43.360 work. Like if order of man shut down for whatever reason, let's say that I threw in the towel or I

00:13:49.680 don't know, there was some new technology that came out that rendered what we're doing obsolete.

00:13:53.960 I have no doubt in my mind that within a 24 hour turnaround that I could find gainful employment

00:14:00.120 at two, three, four dozen different places in something that I would enjoy and something that

00:14:05.280 I would like, and something that would, uh, that would, that would be beneficial for me and my family.

00:14:10.480 And that's because of a very translatable skill to your second question that I believe all men should

00:14:17.220 constantly, constantly be working on developing. And that is your ability to network.

00:14:23.960 Now I'm always careful and cautious of saying, here's the one skill that you need to learn.

00:14:28.840 And if you learn this one skill, everything else will be better. It's not one skill, but if there

00:14:34.280 is just one or a handful of skills, the networking would be on the top of that list, not only because

00:14:39.640 of how powerful it is, but because it encompasses leadership and communication and teamwork and adding

00:14:47.220 value, all these other things that are going to make you indispensable and make these organizations

00:14:53.180 want to have you around. And not only that, you're going to get recruitment offers from other

00:14:56.860 organizations because they see how valuable you are. Now I know that networking gets a,

00:15:03.020 it gets a bad rap. It's kind of got a negative connotation towards it because what a lot of us

00:15:07.840 think about when we think of networking is going to, you know, the hotel conference center and

00:15:14.620 bringing a thousand business cards and handing them out to everybody and anyone. That's not effective

00:15:19.480 networking. When I'm talking about networking, I'm talking about adding value into people's lives.

00:15:25.840 And I'm talking about making connections. Now here's the deal. And I'll be truthful with you on

00:15:30.780 this. I'm not the greatest at things. All right. I didn't excel on just about everything in my life.

00:15:38.200 If you took me as an average individual and you compared me to other individuals, I would, I'd frankly,

00:15:43.600 I'd say on a scale from one to 10, 10 being the best that maybe I'm a seven, like slightly better

00:15:48.740 than average, not exceptional in any one Avenue, but there is one thing that I'm very good at.

00:15:54.340 And this has made a lot of difference in my life. And a lot of the reason why I am indispensable and

00:16:00.200 why I feel like I could find employment just about anywhere is I'm a great networker. And even more

00:16:05.680 specifically, I have the ability to connect people that I think others have a hard time connecting.

00:16:12.900 Okay. So give you an example, Pete Roberts, a lot of you guys know Pete, he's with origin,

00:16:17.500 close friend of mine, and obviously their, their show sponsors as well, because they believe in

00:16:21.560 what we're doing. Uh, he had made a statement on one of his podcasts. This was, I don't know,

00:16:27.020 six or eight months ago, maybe even a year ago that he wanted origin to grow like under armor,

00:16:33.320 that they wanted to become the next under armor and surpass under armor. Well, I heard this on a

00:16:37.900 podcast and I reached out to him and I said, Hey Pete, you know, I, I, I know what you said

00:16:42.480 about under armor. I know the co-founder of under armor and I can make that connection for you.

00:16:47.860 If you feel like it'd be valuable for you. He's no longer with under armor, but maybe he'll talk

00:16:52.000 with you. So I linked these two up now over the course of, like I said, six, eight months,

00:16:56.980 whatever it is. I know that these guys have talked. Uh, our friend has come up here and done

00:17:01.040 some consulting. He may be continuing to do some consulting. I actually don't know the details or

00:17:06.800 the scope of the work that they're doing because frankly, it's none of my business.

00:17:10.100 My job was just to connect those two individuals because it helped both of them. I wanted to see

00:17:16.260 both of them win. Another example I'm looking at on my table right now is a Jocko Willink's new book

00:17:22.580 leadership strategy and tactics field manual. Well, I met Jocko four years ago. Yeah. Roughly four

00:17:29.940 years ago. And for the past four years, the reason I've gotten to know him and been able to connect

00:17:35.240 with him and work with him to degree in podcasting and some other things is because

00:17:39.240 I add value, right? I make connections. I add value to his life. I promote his books.

00:17:45.400 I have him on the podcast so he can promote his courses and books and, and, and seminars and

00:17:50.900 everything that he's doing. That's how you add value to people's lives. And I promise you outside

00:17:55.480 of the scope of your work, which is important, I'm downplaying that, that if you can learn to be a

00:18:00.040 great networker and you can learn to solve people's problems, to identify what it is they

00:18:07.080 need, and then be the individual who can actually solve those problems or find other people in your

00:18:13.480 network, your sphere to solve those problems, you will be indispensable. So Eric, if you're asking

00:18:20.020 about transferable skills, your ability to network, to find and add value is very, very powerful. One of

00:18:27.420 the most powerful skills you can develop. All right. Damon Matthews. He says he's recently become

00:18:34.420 an adult volunteer at his local youth club. I'm the only male volunteer. Can you offer any advice

00:18:40.040 on working with children? The age group is between eight to 16 with about a 50, 50, 50 mix of boys and

00:18:46.820 girls. Well, Damon, at first I want to say way to go. This is, this is so needed. I posted a chart on

00:18:55.420 Instagram the other day that showed the decline of mothers and fathers in the home and it's only

00:19:03.180 going to continue to get worse. And so a lot of the boys and the girls that you're going to be

00:19:06.740 working with don't have parents in their lives. They don't have their dad around. Maybe mom's at work if

00:19:13.180 she's around at all. And there's going to be some, some rough situations. So the fact that you're

00:19:18.460 stepping up when you don't have to, and you're volunteering in your community is a very powerful

00:19:22.620 thing. And I commend you and honor you for doing that. Uh, as far as advice on working with children,

00:19:29.020 look, I'm, I'm not the best with children. I can readily admit that. But, uh, one thing I would say

00:19:35.800 is to make it fun. Like you have to make your interaction with these kids fun. See, I think what

00:19:43.040 most people will probably do is they'll look at it as mentoring and then they'll sprinkle in some fun

00:19:47.960 with it. I would say reverse that, that it should be fun sprinkled with some mentoring. I think about

00:19:55.900 youth sports cause I've been involved with youth sports for gosh, 10, nine, 10 years now, maybe a

00:20:03.080 little less, maybe seven or eight years either way. And it's interesting to me because as I have these

00:20:08.260 young men who are playing baseball or football or whatever sport we're basketball, whatever sport we

00:20:13.120 happen to be playing, they don't even know that they're learning about life. Like they just think

00:20:18.240 that they're playing basketball or football or baseball. But what's fascinating is that these

00:20:23.060 10 year olds in 10 or 15 years are going to look back or run into a situation in their life and think,

00:20:29.280 man, that lesson my coach taught me that one time when we were playing baseball and they're going to

00:20:35.320 think, I thought I was just having fun, but it real, it turns out that I was really learning about

00:20:39.500 life. And that's what I found out from some of my coaches. One is Matt Labrum, who I've talked

00:20:44.460 with you guys about. In fact, he's been on the podcast is this is somebody who I admire and respect,

00:20:51.140 not because he coached us with, with football and baseball, but because he taught me how to be a

00:20:56.260 better man. He taught me about life through something that was enjoyable and something that

00:21:00.980 was fun, like competitive sports. So that's the same thing, Damon, that you're going to have to do is

00:21:05.420 you're going to have to have fun first and then sprinkle those lessons in there. I would also say

00:21:11.020 a level of empathy is going to be very important for you too. I mean, I already mentioned that these

00:21:14.660 kids are going to be coming from potentially some rough situations and circumstances that you know

00:21:19.080 nothing about that. Maybe you haven't been in yourself and the more empathetic, not sympathetic

00:21:25.240 necessarily, but empathetic you can be and try to understand where these kids are coming from.

00:21:29.780 The more patients you're going to be able to exhibit, uh, the more humanity you're going to

00:21:35.040 be able to offer as you're, you're guiding and coaching and having fun with these kids. So again,

00:21:39.540 I commend you, but just remember, keep it fun, be empathetic to the situations that are in,

00:21:43.880 and I'm sure you're going to do a great job. All right. Clay Watts, he says, buying a house versus

00:21:49.600 renting, uh, advice when buying a house for the first time. Well, the first thing I would say is

00:21:56.060 don't, you don't want to be house poor and, and excuse me, house rich and cash poor. All right.

00:22:03.160 That's what most people will do. Meaning they'll buy a house. They really can't afford. And the 0.64

00:22:08.580 bank will allow them to do that because the bank just wants to extract as much money as possible

00:22:12.460 from you. And I'm not saying the bank are bad guys, although their tactics can be. And if you don't

00:22:18.620 understand, you can use a bank very effectively, but if you don't understand what their, their motive

00:22:23.100 is you're going to find yourself in a bad situation. So their motive is to extract as much cash as

00:22:29.560 possible from you via, via interest. So the bigger the home, the larger the loan payment, the more

00:22:36.160 interest they're going to be able to collect from you. Now, granted, they have to measure that against

00:22:39.840 the potential risk, but that's what they're trying to do. So I would not take the bank standards or the

00:22:46.260 loan company standards on what they'll loan to you. I would say that if your mortgage is more than 15 to

00:22:51.380 20% of your income, you're probably, uh, bumping up against a line that might put you in some

00:22:58.640 financial hardship down the road. Now I know that's not going to be popular with a lot of people.

00:23:03.480 I know they're going to say that's too low. I'm just telling you, in my experience, 15 to 20%,

00:23:08.320 if it's more than 20%, you might find yourself in a bad situation. Now for me, my, my mortgage payment

00:23:15.960 on my current home is significantly less than that. I came in with a lot of money down, uh, income has gone

00:23:20.780 up. So that reduces a lot of the pressure and stress, the financial burden of having this

00:23:26.360 home that's too big for you. So be very, very careful on that. Uh, I would also say that if you

00:23:32.820 can, that you want to come in with at least 20% down so you can avoid mortgage insurance. Cause

00:23:38.120 that's another way to extract money from you. Everybody wants their hand in your pocket. Your

00:23:43.760 job is to keep their hands out of your pocket. Part of the way you do that is by coming in with 20% 0.57

00:23:48.380 down. Now, if you can't do that, I understand there's first time home buyer programs and things

00:23:53.320 like that, that may be suitable for you. I don't know your situation. Uh, but if you do get into

00:23:58.080 mortgage insurance, then look at a possible refine, refinance after, I think you can do that

00:24:03.960 after a year, if you're the, under the 80% loan to value rate. So look into that. The last thing I

00:24:11.080 would give you clay on this is that your house expenses on, and I'm, when I'm saying expenses,

00:24:18.880 I'm talking about your, your principal, your interest in your insurance and taxes, it's

00:24:25.560 probably going to be 20% more than that because you're going to have unknown expenses come up.

00:24:30.320 Like the dishwasher is going to go out. You're going to have some plumbing issues. You're going

00:24:34.640 to need to replace the carpet or the windows, or you're going to want to paint. So what I would say,

00:24:38.780 and we'll just do easy math here is that if your, uh, mortgage payment, again, that's principal,

00:24:45.740 uh, interest taxes, insurance is a thousand dollars. I realized that's low. I'm just doing

00:24:50.540 easy math here that you ought to maybe save anywhere from 10 to 20% extra. So another a hundred to $200

00:24:58.040 on top of the thousand dollar mortgage and set that a hundred to $200 into, uh, an account like a home

00:25:04.580 account. Now, if you never use it because you don't have these expenses come up great,

00:25:08.240 but at least it's there if you do need it. And I think if you can keep your, your, uh,

00:25:14.240 loan amount under, uh, 20% of your income or your, your payment, I should say under 20% of your income,

00:25:20.240 you can keep the mortgage insurance off and you can save 10 to 20% above and beyond into a home fund.

00:25:29.200 I think you're going to be set. Hope that helps. All right. Cody acts axelum. He says is prepping

00:25:35.820 biblical. I'm sure it is. I'm not the guy to ask because I'm not a biblical biblical scholar.

00:25:42.960 And I don't know the, the scriptures or the references. I'm sure that you guys do. And if you

00:25:48.040 do, please share those. But, um, yeah, I would say that being prepared that saving your money for a rainy

00:25:54.400 day that, that having your necessities taken care of that planning for emergencies and disasters,

00:25:59.680 I would say is probably biblical. Although I can't give you the specific reference.

00:26:04.640 Yeah. It's, it's just a good thing. That's what I know. It's a good thing. Now, can it be taken to

00:26:09.720 the extreme? Absolutely. And you have to be very, very careful that you don't do that because it's

00:26:14.600 supposed to be effective. It's not supposed to be destructive to other areas of your life.

00:26:19.440 I have somebody in who I know from, from a long time ago who got so much into prepping that not

00:26:25.740 only did he lose his job, he lost his family because he became so obsessive on the prepping

00:26:30.560 thing that he overlooked and neglected his other responsibilities and obligations. And if that's

00:26:36.740 happening, whether it's prepping or hunting or jujitsu or your work or working out, although all of

00:26:44.680 those things in the right context can be considered healthy and productive at that point, at some point

00:26:50.520 they become unhealthy and unproductive. So be very careful of stepping over that line and getting so

00:26:57.000 consumed that it comes at the expense of your other responsibilities and obligations. All right, Paul

00:27:01.900 Ives youth sports. What are your thoughts on signing kids up for travel teams versus in-house or

00:27:09.340 recreational teams, considering all factors, time, cost, being challenged, learning, important life skills,

00:27:13.940 et cetera. Look here, here's the deal. Your kids are probably not going to play college ball and

00:27:21.380 certainly not play professional ball. Now they might, and there might be some of you who are listening,

00:27:26.460 who have exceptionally athletic, gifted, skilled children. And in that situation, in the right

00:27:34.580 context, I would say that maybe it makes sense to pursue, uh, these travel teams, these, these higher

00:27:40.540 league, all-star travel teams, my kids, frankly, are probably not in the boat of going to play college

00:27:48.420 or professional sports, which is fine. It doesn't take away anything from me as their father or them

00:27:53.520 as my children just means it is what it is. So for me and my wife and in our family, our kids play

00:28:02.860 in-house recreational community type leagues, because that just makes sense for us. We don't have to

00:28:09.600 travel. Obviously there's less cost. There's less stress associated with that. It leaves time and

00:28:14.620 flexibility and freedom for other endeavors. One thing we do is only, they can choose only one sport

00:28:20.180 per season. So if my son wants to play basketball and wrestling, he has to choose. And, and he doesn't

00:28:25.800 like that necessarily, but welcome to life. Sometimes you have two great options and you have

00:28:32.220 to make a choice between the two great options that you have. I know we like to paint this picture of

00:28:36.860 like, one's the best option. And one option is not, and you have to choose the best one. No,

00:28:40.700 sometimes both are good. And because you have time constraints and time is a finite resource that you

00:28:47.080 have to choose one besides like, I'm not willing to invest all of that time and attention and energy

00:28:51.420 because I think it will come at the expense of their schooling and their friendships and their

00:28:56.660 family time and their spiritual study. So we've made those decisions. We've calculated those decisions.

00:29:02.200 And we realized that for our children, being on recreational teams through city leagues seems to

00:29:09.320 be the best. And we've had a lot of success. These aren't, these aren't weak leagues either. These are

00:29:13.060 competitive leagues. Kids want to learn. They want to win. I teach them to win. I teach them to play as

00:29:17.400 hard as they can to go as hard as they can. But, uh, unless one of them exhibits some super special

00:29:23.220 characteristic on the field, uh, or has a desire to, then we're not really going to pursue the, um,

00:29:28.860 the travel teams. So there it is. But again, maybe you're in a different boat and you have to weigh

00:29:33.940 those costs. All right. John Wells, he says as a parent and trying to be authentic with your kids,

00:29:41.280 how do you gauge how much to share with them regarding, uh, emotions you yourself are going

00:29:47.340 through? My basic thought is keeping age appropriate, but in law enforcement, dealing

00:29:52.280 with heavy emotions all over the spectrum comes with the territory in trying to be authentic with

00:29:58.080 them and showing and teaching them how to work through them. How much is too much? Hope that makes

00:30:02.260 sense. Thanks for discussing this. It's a great question, John. I would say initially just in hearing

00:30:07.640 this is because you're asking it, you're probably doing it correctly. You're, you're aware. I think

00:30:15.780 there's a lot of people out there who are parents who are not aware of how and what they should be

00:30:21.340 sharing with their children. You obviously are because you're asking the question and because

00:30:25.460 you're asking the question, that means you're probably applying it towards the lessons that you're

00:30:29.740 teaching them. But yeah, I mean, you can't share everything with your children because if you do,

00:30:34.480 you're going to freak them out. As I said earlier, we recorded these same questions with Kip. He had

00:30:40.440 an interesting story about, uh, oversharing with his children and freaking them out because it wasn't

00:30:46.380 age appropriate. That's, that's something that you have to have to be aware of. You have to look at

00:30:51.480 the maturity of your children. Uh, you have to look at, uh, the situation. You have to look at what

00:30:56.340 you're trying to teach them. And I wish I could tell you it's this, this is the line. You draw this line

00:31:00.780 in the sand. And once you cross this line, it's too much. It's not, it's not like that because

00:31:04.300 there's so many variables, maturity, age, experience, circumstance, how you communicate

00:31:09.960 things, how you set things up, how you talk to them, the trust that an influence you've built up

00:31:14.340 with them. There's so much here that it's hard to say this is when it becomes too much, but very

00:31:19.840 simply, you just have to look at the results. Look at the results. If the results of your teaching

00:31:25.820 them and being authentic or, or expressing maybe more than you thought is, is not helping

00:31:31.360 them, but hindering them and keeping them away from being self-sufficient humans, then

00:31:35.460 okay, you've got to scale back. But if you're sharing is helping them be more resilient and

00:31:42.000 tough and strong and independent and, and thinking individually and independently, then you're

00:31:48.920 probably on the right path. And this is why the after action review is so important, not

00:31:53.540 just with this context, but everything. Like, are you evaluating your performance? And if

00:31:58.680 you're not evaluating your performance, then you're leaving performance on the table. You're

00:32:02.780 not performing as efficiently as you could. So John, to your question and your point here,

00:32:08.000 look at the results. If the results are producing, you're on the right track. If they're hindering,

00:32:13.620 or you feel like you're beating your head against the wall, or you're not doing it correctly

00:32:18.480 and they're not receiving the benefit of it, then maybe you ought to scale back. All right, Tyler,

00:32:23.280 Ewing says, what are your opinions on vaccinations? My opinions on vaccinations are get your kids

00:32:31.280 vaccinated. Like I've seen enough information out there to know that we want to have our

00:32:35.580 kids vaccinated. Now I'm not saying that you should take my opinion or, and certainly not

00:32:39.260 some celebrity's opinion on whether or not you should, but look at the literature, be informed.

00:32:45.160 This is a decision that's going to impact your children. So you better be informed about it.

00:32:49.840 But yeah, I think this is why diseases, certain diseases anyways, are all but eradicated because

00:32:56.420 we vaccinate our children and we make sure that they don't have to deal with these types of things.

00:33:04.260 Now I know there's things like, Oh, they're not building up immunities. They're building up

00:33:07.640 immunities in other ways, but some of these debilitating diseases are all but eradicated

00:33:12.240 because of vaccinations. And I think they're a good thing. You have to make that decision as a parent.

00:33:16.460 All right, Bryce Griffith. How do you avoid spreading yourself too thin and chasing a goal

00:33:23.060 such as worrying about the home front while thousands of miles away from home at school

00:33:29.120 while focusing on school and working to maintain rent and other bills and trying to get in shape?

00:33:34.940 Well, here's the deal. I, you know, I'm reading this question. I think that a lot of this may just

00:33:41.300 come from the season. Like it's the season of life that you're in. You're in school,

00:33:45.220 you got bills, you're worried about maybe your parents or family at home. You potentially have

00:33:50.540 a job, you have other hobbies and activities. You've got your schoolwork. Like there's just so

00:33:53.920 much on your plate right now. And part of that is just seasons. Like welcome to life. Sometimes

00:33:58.640 you're just going to be busy and overwhelmed and it is what it is. And there's not much you can do.

00:34:04.820 Now, barring a season of life, it is easy to get yourself spread too thin because you're probably

00:34:11.360 an achiever. You're probably ambitious and motivated, which is all good. So what happens

00:34:16.240 when you're that type of individual is you say yes to everything. That is the underlying problem.

00:34:21.640 You might be saying yes to too much. And if you're saying yes to too much, then you're going to create

00:34:27.380 all sorts of problems when you can't produce to the degree that you'd like, because you've got your

00:34:33.300 attention and resources spread too thin. So what I do as an exercise is when I'm contemplating and

00:34:40.420 considering saying yes to something, I look at what I'm saying no to simultaneously.

00:34:47.120 And that's how it works because time is finite. You can leverage it by having other people help

00:34:51.740 you in certain areas and getting good at delegation. But the reality is that time is finite.

00:34:56.900 And if you're saying yes to something, something else has got to go. Now, if I look at it and I think,

00:35:02.400 okay, I've got this opportunity to speak at this event and it's going to be a good event with my

00:35:06.260 target audience and it makes sense, but I'm not going to be able to go on that hunt. Okay. Well,

00:35:10.740 I can make an informed decision. Yes or no, one way or the other with all of the information at hand.

00:35:16.240 But if I'm making that decision without looking at what I'm saying no to, then I'm not making an

00:35:21.120 informed decision and I'm kind of winging it or guessing. And that's the last thing you want to do.

00:35:25.960 So if you're feeling overwhelmed, like it is right now, think about, okay, maybe it's just a season.

00:35:32.220 If it's not just a season of your life, like a busy season of your life, then consider when you're

00:35:37.220 asking or contemplating saying yes to something, what you're saying no to simultaneously.

00:35:43.240 All right. I hope that helps Jesse Ortega. He says the importance of having quality time with

00:35:49.760 the guys without there being a female present stems from me in the room. He's doing a podcast and one

00:35:55.400 roommate wants a female perspective, but I strongly disagreed and thought it wasn't necessary.

00:36:00.460 Well, it's important, Jesse, that you have quality time with just the guys. I mean,

00:36:05.780 that's critical. This I think falls outside of that a little bit. Cause you're talking about the

00:36:09.540 podcast. I don't know what your podcast is. So quite honestly, I can't give you a perspective

00:36:13.640 and tell you that yes, you should have a female or no, you shouldn't have a female present with order 1.00

00:36:18.620 of man. We've decided that it's going to be men who are speaking to now earlier this week. If

00:36:24.600 you're subscribed to the podcast, you know that my wife came on. Well, that's an exception,

00:36:27.980 right? We made an exception because I felt like occasionally it's beneficial to hear a woman's

00:36:34.620 perspective, especially if guys are trying to get their wife on board with certain things or 0.60

00:36:38.840 understand about my wife's involvement or role in order of man, those types of things.

00:36:44.220 I'm not going to speculate as to what you guys are trying to do or accomplish, but it's certainly

00:36:49.240 a conversation worth having. And yes, not all the time. Do you need a female's perspective? Just like 1.00

00:36:55.180 women don't all the time need a man's perspective. Sometimes they just need to have conversations 1.00

00:36:59.980 with women. The reason I think guys need to get together solely with guys, no, no women allowed 1.00

00:37:06.260 at times is because of the posturing. I see, I see this with married men. Uh, I see this with

00:37:13.340 eight-year-old little boys who say they don't like girls yet. Like the dynamic change is when a woman 0.99

00:37:18.380 enters the picture. It's not bad. It just is what it is. And little boys and grown men who are off the

00:37:25.540 market will posture and position to get women's attention. Uh, real conversations may not necessarily 1.00

00:37:32.140 be had because you're going to talk with men differently than you're going to talk with women.

00:37:35.220 That's a consideration. So look at the direction of your podcast and think, if this is the conversation

00:37:39.740 we want to have, are we able to have this to the full degree? If a woman is present, the way I talk 1.00

00:37:46.260 with you guys, the way I talk with Kip and other friends in my circle is different than the way I

00:37:50.060 talk with my wife, obviously. And that's just what it is. And so sometimes I don't have conversations

00:37:56.020 with my wife around. And sometimes I do just depending on the perspective I need and, uh,

00:38:01.640 and what I'm going for. All right. Daniel Lee Brown. He says, do you treat new year's Eve as

00:38:08.160 something special or just another day? Now these questions are a little bit older, a couple of

00:38:11.820 weeks old. That's why Daniel's asking about new year's Eve. Um, new year's Eve is, it's just a day

00:38:17.180 for me. Like I think this last new year's Eve we were in bed at, excuse me, uh, 10 o'clock, like just

00:38:24.940 like every night because it's, it's not something special to me. Like it's just another day. Now that

00:38:29.940 being said, it's because I don't use it as a, a day to like celebrate like me doing something new.

00:38:37.260 Cause I'm always growing. I'm always expanding. I'm always evolving. I do my 12 week battle plan.

00:38:41.540 I need to do my, my, my planning and my goal setting and my reviewing and my after action

00:38:45.800 review. I do that stuff every single day. So every single day is something new and I'm pushing

00:38:50.220 towards those, those ambitions. Now I realize not everybody's like that. And, and so of, you know,

00:38:56.560 January 1st is a day for you to regroup and reprioritize and come up with some new resolutions

00:39:04.940 and strategies. And that's how it works for you. Good. Now, look, I realized that most people who

00:39:10.220 start on new year's probably aren't going to change, but that doesn't mean it's not worthy

00:39:14.860 of pursuing. I just feel like it's not necessary for me because we do our thing and it seems to

00:39:22.620 work pretty well. And I stay busy and I stay productive and I'm always reviewing my battle

00:39:26.560 plan and my goals and objectives. And I'm working towards that every single day, not just January

00:39:30.780 1st or for the first two weeks of the new year. All right. Next Cody Jacobs. How do you push

00:39:36.880 people to do their own quote unquote soul searching when they see you leveling up and want to draw them

00:39:42.740 a map and hold their hand to get there? Well, the phrase you said is push people. I would say

00:39:49.980 there's a, there's a fault. There's a, there's a danger in that. Like you can't get people to do

00:39:54.880 something they don't want to do. So let's just get that out of the way. Like, is this individual even

00:39:59.700 want to do their soul searching? Do they want to level up? Do they want to go down the same path

00:40:05.000 you are? Because if the answer is no, then just, just don't, don't worry about it. I mean, maybe

00:40:13.980 you'll worry about it, but frankly, there's just nothing you can do about it. So just drive on. Now,

00:40:19.520 if they do want to level up, then ask questions. That's it. Just ask these individuals great

00:40:26.220 questions because the better you get at asking them questions, the more buy-in they're going to

00:40:30.640 have to the answers that they're coming up with. Like your goal is not to give everybody answers.

00:40:35.460 Think of yourself more as a coach. Like you're trying to coach them and lead them and direct

00:40:39.460 them towards the path. They're up front walking the path, but you're trying to guide them to where

00:40:44.020 they may want to go. But if they get it from you, they get the information from you or the idea from

00:40:49.480 you or the affirmation or the goal or the, whatever they're after from you, there's very little buy-in in

00:40:54.640 that. And because there's a little buy-in when things get challenging and difficult and they will

00:40:58.800 be all sorts of little obstacles and challenges that get in the way, they're going to throw in

00:41:02.800 the towel. They're going to quit because it wasn't their goal. You need to get them thinking about new

00:41:09.140 things. It's that, it's that adage. You don't want to teach them what to think. You want to teach

00:41:13.500 them how to think and asking great questions is the catalyst for changing the way they view life to

00:41:22.600 start thinking critically about the circumstances and situation they found themselves in and

00:41:27.480 ultimately create a new future for themselves. So there you go. Uh, next Mason Magnus, how do you

00:41:35.840 manage a four plus child household? How to manage getting one-on-one time with each of them when each

00:41:40.860 has a different personality completely, uh, how to include various age ranges, how to make time for

00:41:46.260 mama too. Thanks. I know you've already answered this one before. Yeah, this is a challenge. We've got

00:41:51.360 four kids. Uh, we've got an 11 year old, a nine year old, a six year old, and a three year old.

00:41:56.200 And it's crazy at times. Now we have the benefit of my wife being a full-time housewife and homemaker, 0.99

00:42:02.420 which is very, very advantageous for our circumstance, especially with four kids.

00:42:07.980 But, um, yeah, I think we fall into a trap a lot of the times when you begin to think that you have

00:42:13.320 to do some grand elaborate thing for all of your kids. You don't just today. Uh, I know I was talking

00:42:18.600 with you guys earlier about going to the post office when my daughter said, Hey, can we go to

00:42:22.560 the gas station today and get a drink? And I said, no, we can't do that. Cause I don't want to go to

00:42:27.100 the gas station and buy a sugary drink. But what we can do is I got to run to the post office and you

00:42:33.480 can just come with me. And she was just as ecstatic about driving to the post office as she was going to

00:42:39.780 the gas station. Like literally driving 10 minutes in the car to drop some packages off and then driving

00:42:45.500 back. They don't have to be grand elaborate plans. They just want your time. They just want your

00:42:50.860 attention and energy. Last night, uh, me and my two oldest boys, we went snowboarding. So they had

00:42:58.280 some lessons they needed to get to. And, and they went and did that for an hour. And then we snowboarded

00:43:02.300 together for a half an hour and it was good. Uh, other times it's just playing Legos. We have mats that

00:43:08.740 we bought for our front room and we roll those mats out and we, we wrestle or do jujitsu a couple of

00:43:13.840 nights a week. Like with my son, we do this. We ship orders together. Again, these aren't grand

00:43:20.460 elaborate things. Having breakfast together, doing a scripture study. It's really not, I say it's not

00:43:26.320 difficult. I think it may be difficult from the outside looking in. Maybe I'm saying that because

00:43:31.100 we've been so used to managing a household like this, but again, it doesn't have to be grand elaborate

00:43:37.400 plans. You just have to give them your undivided attention and, and make things fun for them.

00:43:44.280 That's it. Your attention, a little bit of fun goes a very long way. Daniel Rodriguez says,

00:43:50.620 have you thought of starting a private, a private group of men's group? Uh, think of it like fight

00:43:56.960 club, the movie. Do you listen to your intuition to, or logic to make decisions? Um, have you thought

00:44:03.860 of starting private group of men's groups? Well, we have the iron council that's a digital band of

00:44:08.200 brothers. So there is that, uh, one thing that we would like to do in the future is create, um,

00:44:14.040 order of man chapters. And these chapters would work close to what you're saying. They'd be regional at

00:44:19.640 first and maybe even citywide, depending on the, the density of members from order of man in these,

00:44:24.740 in these areas. Uh, but yeah, that is one thing, order of man chapters that we're working on. I think

00:44:29.880 that'd be very, very valuable because yeah, it'd be physical, maybe not fighting necessarily,

00:44:33.800 although certainly could. Um, yeah, it'd be physical, mental, emotionally challenging in

00:44:38.760 nature. And I think that'll be very valuable. And then he asked, do you listen to your intuition

00:44:43.120 or logic to make decisions? Uh, I tend to be more of an intuitive. Uh, I tend to not need all the facts

00:44:50.200 and the data and the logics in the, in the little points. And I kind of need all that stuff. I basically

00:44:55.980 just go how I feel. Does this feel right? If it feels right, I'm like, cool, let's roll with it.

00:45:00.880 And then I, I tend to be logical after I've made the decision. Okay. So cool. Starting a podcast.

00:45:07.360 Yeah, that sounds right. Let's just do it. That's my intuition then. Okay. Now that I've made the

00:45:11.860 decision, how do we do it? And that's where my logic and reasoning kicks in. And I start planning

00:45:16.220 and mapping out and getting it done and serve me well. Things that I go against my intuition. Like I look

00:45:22.580 at it logically or rationally or reasonably, and without taking into consideration, my feelings

00:45:27.080 or intuition tend to go wrong. Um, and, and I have a bitter taste in my mouth for those things

00:45:33.160 because I didn't take something into consideration. But if I'm intuitive and use my intuition for making

00:45:38.460 decisions, uh, tends to serve me well. And then being logical to back it up. Cody Gabbert, what's the

00:45:44.520 best way to get control of your emotions? Well, I'm always, I'm always, this is an interesting

00:45:50.520 question. It's a good question. Excuse me. And it's an important one too. It's like, because

00:45:56.560 you don't want to let your emotions completely control you, right? That, that you're so emotionally

00:46:02.760 charged that you're crying all the time, or you get angry and you have a short fuse or you're overly

00:46:09.180 ecstatic, or you celebrate a win before it's actually a win. Like this is, this is not a good way to live,

00:46:14.940 but also understand that your emotions aren't bad. Like your emotions aren't wrong. Even the

00:46:20.520 so-called negative ones, they're not wrong. They're good. They're right. We wouldn't have been given

00:46:25.060 the ability to have those emotions or, or developed and evolve those over time if they didn't serve us

00:46:30.480 in some capacity. So anger, frustration, hate, jealousy, greed, resentment, all of these again,

00:46:37.860 quote unquote negative emotions, they're good for you. It's the only time they're a problem is when

00:46:44.080 you let them control you and you start making decisions or, or not even making decisions,

00:46:49.520 but just acting based on your emotions alone, that's a problem. So instead of worrying about

00:46:55.920 like getting these suppressed and subdued, the best thing Cody, I think you can do is strive to

00:47:01.620 understand them. That's it. So if you're angry, well, maybe anger is the appropriate emotion at the

00:47:08.560 time. And if that's the case, why are you angry? Then figure it out and fix it while I'm angry

00:47:15.520 because this person didn't do what I said they should do. Okay. Well, why didn't they do that?

00:47:21.320 And then you realize, well, maybe I don't have as much credibility or authority or influence with

00:47:25.440 that other individual. Good. How do you develop crowd of credibility, influence, and authority with

00:47:30.760 this individual? Then you start making a plan and then you fix it. That's it. So your emotions are not

00:47:37.400 bad and we got to stop framing them as bad. Now there's a time to display them. And there's a time

00:47:41.840 not to, to popular, popular doctrine would have you believe that we're just supposed to be as men 0.99

00:47:48.180 battling idiots running around crying everywhere because you know, we need to be in touch with our 0.97

00:47:52.380 emotions or a feminine side. No, we don't not all the time anyways. And even if you are going to 1.00

00:47:57.200 exhibit your emotions, it better be for a reason to serve yourself or to serve other people.

00:48:03.100 Cause if there's no reason for it, then don't do it. Just think about what it's telling you,

00:48:07.760 learn from it, adjust, pivot, make course corrections and, and get your, get your life

00:48:13.600 and your stuff done. And that has worked well for me. How are we doing on time here? It looks like

00:48:18.860 we've got about 10 minutes or so. Kevin Brough, he says proven methods for rapidly assimilating

00:48:26.320 information to new habits, execution on life outlook. Kevin, the best way to rapidly assimilate

00:48:31.380 information is to do it. Cause most people, what they'll do is they'll read every book,

00:48:36.780 every blog, every podcast on the subject, and then they'll never apply it or they'll

00:48:40.660 take too long to apply it. You want to know how to rapidly assimilate information is go

00:48:46.940 put yourself in the fire. And I promise that if you put yourself in the fire and it's painful

00:48:52.560 and trust me, it's painful. I'll give you a jujitsu example. Last, last night I was rolling.

00:48:58.600 I was very, very frustrated with, with how the session was going, but it was painful,

00:49:04.080 like quite literally painful. Like I was having my arms contorted on and my neck squeezed and

00:49:09.460 everything else. Cause it is jujitsu. Well, I learned quicker that way when there's an actual

00:49:14.720 consequence than I do reading a book. I could read a book about jujitsu, but I can't assimilate

00:49:20.760 that information in any coherent system or process because we tend to, as men specifically

00:49:29.380 overestimate our abilities by about 40%. And because we overestimate our abilities,

00:49:34.940 we think that we can just read a book and get it. Like how, how often have you thought,

00:49:39.960 Oh yeah, I'm going to read this book or watch this individual do this thing. You're like,

00:49:42.540 Oh, that's easy. And then you go to do it and you fall flat on your ass. 1.00

00:49:44.920 And that's because you overestimated your ability or, and, or you underestimated theirs. 0.98

00:49:51.160 So the best way to rapidly assimilate information is to go do the thing where there's an actual

00:50:00.240 consequence. And I'm talking about life or death. I'm just saying, there's gotta be some

00:50:03.740 sort of consequence associated that at a minimum stings, if not painful, because if it's painful,

00:50:09.000 you're going to learn it quicker. Like, Ooh, I don't want to be in that position anymore.

00:50:12.740 And so you learn what's happening. So you don't get yourself in that position anymore.

00:50:16.940 That's how you do it. Christopher Sampson, uh, what business, what business is or business

00:50:23.280 ideas are dead or dying and should be avoided at all costs. Hmm. Well, I don't, I don't know.

00:50:32.060 Cause I don't spend a whole lot of time focused on like what's dead or what's dying or, you know,

00:50:37.080 I just focus on what's next. How do I evolve? How do I grow? How do I expand? I'll tell you,

00:50:42.140 one interesting thing that I see a lot of is obviously everything's moving towards digital

00:50:46.540 media. Like more and more, we're becoming digital communities. We're becoming digital

00:50:50.460 relationships. And a lot of the humanity is stripped away from that. So I think there's

00:50:56.600 going to be a resurgence of, of, uh, events, meetups, local chapters, like I was talking about.

00:51:04.340 And the more that society tends to shift towards being technologically driven, the more we as human

00:51:11.280 beings are going to have a desire to be connected physically to other individuals. And that's why

00:51:17.440 we do our events, our legacy event, our uprising event, our order of man event, because I realized

00:51:23.340 that this is something that more and more people are going to want. They're going to want to be

00:51:26.820 banded together physically in proximity with other people who are like-minded, who are on the same

00:51:32.280 path as them. So I'm not saying that technology will die. I'm not saying that it's going to be

00:51:37.080 obsolete. I'm just saying that these other avenues are going to be just as, if not more important,

00:51:42.140 they've been in the past as we continue moving down that path. Uh, you know, there's, there's other

00:51:47.420 things that I think of, you know, like, um, what cars I think is a great example. Uh, as we continue to

00:51:53.940 have automation and vehicles, uh, I can see less, uh, ownership of vehicles because there's no need to own

00:52:01.720 it. You're just going to be able to use public transit or, uh, Uber or, or things like that.

00:52:07.080 So like, there's going to be less ownership of these things, which in a lot of ways is a good

00:52:10.920 thing. Like I like my cars. I'm not a car guy. I like my cars. I enjoy driving. Um, and I think

00:52:16.660 having a car in the future will probably be more of a luxury than a requirement. So there's things like

00:52:21.960 that, but I don't spend too much time thinking about what's outdated. I just try to go with the flow

00:52:27.260 and look forward. All right. Christopher Campbell says my younger brother is going through a rough

00:52:31.800 time and seems to have lost all motivation in his life. He's 25. He walks around constantly

00:52:36.660 depressed and continuously shuts everyone out, drinks a lot, and seems to have no desire to get

00:52:40.860 better. What tactics can I use to help motivate or inspire it without, without it affecting my own

00:52:46.860 life? There's only so much time and energy I can spend on this, but it's very important to me.

00:52:51.500 I don't want to watch him go through the life the way that I used to. Uh, and I don't want to affect

00:52:56.020 the life and person I've worked so hard to become. Well, this is a tough position because you are

00:53:00.380 going to have to sacrifice, sacrifice a bit of your time and attention, uh, in order to serve your

00:53:04.980 brother. Again, this goes back to that thing of like, does he want to be helped? Does he want to be

00:53:10.240 saved? Does he want to be served? If the answer is no, man, really all you can do is just be a

00:53:15.240 brother. So you can invite him, you know, to lunch or invite him to the, I don't know, the batting cages

00:53:20.240 or jujitsu or basketball game or whatever your thing is, just invite him and, and don't it. I

00:53:28.240 would say this. Don't, don't like mentor him. I know that seems weird, but I'm telling you, if you

00:53:34.540 have a brother like this or somebody in your life who sounds like this, this, this guy does is

00:53:40.600 I don't think people like that want to be mentored. I think they just want to be respected,

00:53:47.500 appreciated, communicated with. And then I think over time, those individuals will open up and ask

00:53:55.020 about you and how you've created your life and why you're happy and why things seem to be going

00:54:00.940 well for you. But you got to be careful of offering unsolicited feedback and becoming like a mentor to

00:54:07.320 somebody who isn't interested in a life coach type relationship is going to be completely turned

00:54:13.220 off by that, not actually moved and compelled to improve their life. So just be very cautious of

00:54:19.580 turning into that mentor and instead be a brother. Somebody cares and loves about loves his, his

00:54:24.860 brother and wants him to win and just wants to spend time with him. That's the best thing you can

00:54:28.740 do within reason. Cause you have other obligations as well. Uh, this one says GR Griff. So I'm not sure

00:54:34.860 if it's just Griff or what, uh, how to reevaluate your approach to getting into relationship

00:54:39.880 or evaluating a new relationship. Again, this goes back to my questions. Like, uh, that question

00:54:47.260 about intuitive versus logical relationships are intuitive. Like they're not logical because if

00:54:53.100 they were logical, I don't know how many relationships we'd actually get into. So for me, I don't know.

00:55:00.520 It's, it's, it's always been intuitive. You know, if something seems to be, to feel good and I'm not

00:55:05.260 saying free of, of challenge, I'm just saying it feels good. It feels right. Then that's a relationship

00:55:12.240 I pursue and I continue to evaluate it. Uh, I ensure that I'm not being manipulated, that I'm

00:55:19.540 not being taken advantage of, that this is a reciprocal relationship, that it's mutually beneficial.

00:55:26.560 Uh, and if it doesn't meet those criteria, then I start to scale back on that level of relationship.

00:55:31.120 If the other party is not willing to invest in me to at least to some degree, then I I've got to

00:55:37.060 think that this is one sided and not really a relationship at all, but somebody taking advantage

00:55:41.120 of me. Um, and so you have to be assertive and bold in that. And you have to know your worth.

00:55:49.140 If you don't know your worth, then it doesn't really matter how people treat you because you

00:55:54.700 haven't placed any worth or value on yourself, value yourself, know your worth, and then you'll demand

00:56:00.060 that level of respect from the people that you're engaged with, whether that's romantic

00:56:04.240 relationships or relationships with friends or, or acquaintances or colleagues. But I think you

00:56:09.820 really got to be intuitive about this and, and, and ask yourself how you feel the relationship is going

00:56:15.320 and be truthful about that. Like, don't delude yourself because you really want this person in

00:56:20.260 your life. You got to ask, do they really want you in their life? And then make sure you're not being

00:56:24.740 manipulated and, and, and taken advantage of. And I think you'll have some success going that

00:56:30.800 route. Uh, let's take a couple more here. Jason Spangler says, uh, he may be getting laid off soon.

00:56:37.580 Thinking of changing careers altogether is any suggestions or advice. I really don't, you know,

00:56:42.540 like I'm going to go back to that networking thing. If you're thinking about changing careers

00:56:46.440 or that you might be getting laid off soon, like it starts, it's time to start thinking about

00:56:52.260 networking. Like if you're not already doing that network, communicate with people, make

00:56:56.440 connections, add value to their life, because there might come a point in time where you're

00:57:00.520 going to have to call on these people. And you don't want to be the guy who like calls them

00:57:03.900 because you need something. You haven't talked to an individual for 10 years. And then he calls you

00:57:09.320 up and he's like, Hey bro, can I get some money? Or I'm in a tough spot. It's like, dude, we haven't

00:57:13.600 talked for a decade. Who, who are you? And you don't want to be that guy. So foster these

00:57:19.100 relationships, nourish and nurture these relationships. Now, um, as far as suggestions

00:57:24.260 or advice, I mean, that's, that's what I would say is like just network, just get to know people,

00:57:29.460 just add value, look for ways to help people win and make yourself indispensable. Sean Wilton.

00:57:36.280 Why do so many men say they want to change their lives, but fail to follow through?

00:57:41.420 Well, that's easy. It's because following through is hard. Talking is easy. Like it's really easy to say,

00:57:47.240 I want to change my life. And then you realize, Oh shit. Like I got to wake up at 5am. I'm used to 1.00

00:57:52.060 waking up at eight and then I got to go work out or I got to invest in a relationship or I have to buy

00:57:56.640 some, some things for me, or I have to invest in a course or travel somewhere. Like that's always

00:58:02.200 harder. That's why. Cause talk is cheap and easy. If it is no plan subcoming to external, let's see.

00:58:10.400 Okay. So he said, so this is a followup. Is it no plan or subcoming to external pressure that pulls

00:58:15.380 them into old habits, a mixture of both or something completely different? I don't think

00:58:19.500 it's a lack of planning. I mean, that could be a problem. I don't think that's the main problem.

00:58:24.460 I don't think external pressure is, is the main problem. It could be a problem. I mean, that's,

00:58:31.020 that's an external factor, right? So if you say, for example, if you say, well, I want to change my

00:58:35.840 life, I want to get in shape. And you're hanging around a bunch of fat people who can't control 0.97

00:58:40.060 themselves and have no discipline. Well, okay. You're going to have a harder time, 0.98

00:58:42.920 but that's not the root of the problem. The root of the problem is that it's hard.

00:58:49.200 It's hard to get in shape. It's hard to fix your marriage. It's hard to advance in your career.

00:58:54.440 It's hard to learn and develop a new skill. It's hard. So most people don't do it because it's

00:59:00.720 difficult. Now, how do you make it? So it's not as hard or at least manageable. Well, Sean,

00:59:06.180 you alluded to the right things, have a plan, have, get rid of the external pressure. That's going to

00:59:12.140 pull you into old habits and instead replace it with external pressure. That's going to pull you

00:59:15.940 into new habits, like the right people, the right plan, accountability partners. I mean,

00:59:21.360 all of this stuff can be found inside the iron council if you're interested in this, but these

00:59:26.100 are men who are working together to pull you in the right direction. And then even though it's hard

00:59:31.040 and it is hard, you set up the plans, you set up the systems, you set up the processes, you set up

00:59:35.620 the external factors to, to continue you down that path of improvement and growth in spite of it being

00:59:43.460 hard. And so you bear on and you carry the weight and the burden of responsibility and growth and you

00:59:51.500 get better. That's how you do it. All right. Last one, Jonathan, Jonathan, excuse me, Jonathan Smith.

00:59:58.560 What steps should kids know in order to survive in an active shooter in their school?

01:00:06.600 I said, this is the last question. I'm, you know, I'm not the expert on this. I'm really not. I mean,

01:00:11.380 you just want to, I would say, find cover and concealment. I mean, that's really what you have

01:00:15.300 to do as a, as a kid in an active shooter situation. I would say as, as an adult, it's

01:00:21.480 different because I think you have a responsibility to try to neutralize the threat to some degree.

01:00:25.140 So you better be trained and you better be equipped and armed to be able to deal with

01:00:28.880 these situations. But as a child, uh, I, I would say that cover and concealment are very important.

01:00:35.760 Uh, I would also say that learning or figuring out a way to communicate outside of the situation.

01:00:40.460 So if you have a cell phone or like my kids have a little gizmo watch, they can text on a gizmo watch.

01:00:45.800 Um, those things are important, but cover and concealment are number one. Simple as that.

01:00:51.380 All right. I think we're good guys. We've got through a lot of questions and most of those

01:00:56.320 questions I went through twice. So I hope, I hope my answers in the second time were as good as the

01:01:01.420 first time when it didn't record for whatever reason, but we'll be back again. Kip will be on

01:01:05.780 next week. Uh, so yep, he'll be here. And, uh, I hope that this serves you in some way, guys. I

01:01:11.980 really appreciate you being on this path. I just see things every day, just crazy, crazy stuff.

01:01:16.280 I'm getting from people and sending me messages and links to articles. And I had, I had somebody

01:01:21.720 send me, uh, uh, a screenshot from their, uh, registration to the California bar on, you

01:01:30.520 know, what sex they were. And it had like 13 different options they could choose from. And

01:01:35.720 there's just this crazy stuff. I see it every day. If you have an interesting article or whatever,

01:01:39.820 shoot it over to me on Instagram. It's the best place to do it at Ryan Mickler. I like those

01:01:43.780 things. I was thinking about doing a segment on the podcast where I just take like an absurd

01:01:48.740 article or commentary from the day and just like pick it apart and tell you all the reasons

01:01:54.000 it's wrong and tell you what we should do instead. So if that sounds interesting, let

01:01:58.680 me know. Anyways, guys, uh, also one last thing, if you're going to be in Las Vegas next

01:02:03.220 week at shot show, please, uh, reach out to me and get on Instagram because I'm going to

01:02:06.660 be down there as well. And I would love to connect with as many people as possible. We'd be

01:02:10.080 down there on Wednesday and Thursday, I believe. And, uh, I'm going to have a good time, maybe

01:02:14.200 even Friday, no Wednesday and Thursday. And we're going to have a good time at shot show.

01:02:17.520 I'm going to do a couple of interviews down there and love to meet any of you. We're

01:02:20.140 going to be down as well. All right, guys, we'll let you get going until Friday. Go out

01:02:23.420 there, take action, become the man you are meant to be.

01:02:26.280 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your

01:02:30.320 life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order

01:02:34.380 of man.com.

Order of Man - January 15, 2020

Learning to Say "No," First Impressions at a New Job, and Why Rest is Part of the Success Equation ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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Order of Man - January 15, 2020

Learning to Say &#x22;No,&#x22; First Impressions at a New Job, and Why Rest is Part of the Success Equation ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

Learning to Say "No," First Impressions at a New Job, and Why Rest is Part of the Success Equation ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING