Order of Man - Let Your Excuses Expire ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.520 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.720 Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler, and I am the host and the founder of this movement and the podcast, of course, Order of Man.

00:00:32.660 I want to welcome you here, whether you're tuning in for the very first time today or you've been with us for any amount of time.

00:00:38.120 This is your Friday Field Notes, so you're going to hear from me and some thoughts that I've been having from throughout the week.

00:00:43.000 I've got an interesting one lined up for you today on the subject of excuses because I had a conversation earlier in the week that I wanted to share,

00:00:50.320 or at least share a portion of that conversation with you and how we can harness the power of allowing our excuses to expire at some point in our lives.

00:00:59.060 So I'm going to get into that in a minute.

00:01:00.480 We've also got our Tuesday interview show, and I'm interviewing guys like Jocko Willing, Grant Cardone, Andy Frisilla, David Goggins, TJ Dillashaw.

00:01:09.000 The list goes on and on.

00:01:10.360 Again, if you've been following us for any amount of time, you know the caliber of guests that we've had on the show and that we will continue to have on the podcast.

00:01:18.340 In fact, next week, we've got Chad Prather on, the political cowboy.

00:01:21.840 I'm excited to get that one into your earbuds.

00:01:25.380 Then we've also got our Wednesday show, which is an Ask Me Anything, where it's Kip Sorensen and I, my co-host and I,

00:01:31.900 where we are fielding some questions from Facebook and Patreon and our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council.

00:01:38.280 So I've got a lot going on.

00:01:39.820 I want to get pretty quickly into this one.

00:01:41.500 I do have one announcement that you need to be aware of.

00:01:43.940 Earlier in the week, I believe it was, I talked about doing a Hoyt bow, a helix, to be specific and be exact.

00:01:53.100 I'm giving that away.

00:01:54.360 So we're going to be giving away, again, a Hoyt helix, and we're giving that away in the beginning of April, 1st of April, to be exact.

00:02:02.660 So all you have to do to enter to win that bow is head to orderofman.com slash Hoyt and follow the instructions over there.

00:02:11.180 That bow is valued at $1,200.

00:02:13.560 I shoot with a Hoyt bow.

00:02:15.100 My wife shoots with a Hoyt bow. 1.00

00:02:16.980 Most of the guys I hunt with shoot with a Hoyt bow.

00:02:18.980 So an incredible, incredible piece of machinery, an incredible tool that will help you on your journey to be a more successful hunter or maybe a new hunter even.

00:02:31.660 And that's why I wanted to partner up with these guys.

00:02:33.200 So again, head to orderofman.com slash Hoyt and you can register for the giveaway that we'll be doing on April 1st.

00:02:40.680 Okay, that is the only announcement that I have today because I want to get right into this.

00:02:47.160 And I didn't really come prepared with any notes to be frank with you, but that's okay because I want to riff on this idea.

00:02:53.360 I had mentioned to you that earlier in the week I had a conversation with a gentleman who was starting to formulate and come up with all sorts of excuses in his mind about why he was not achieving the level of success that he wanted in his life.

00:03:06.100 Now, I think all of us are guilty of this at times.

00:03:09.300 We all fall short and we all are afraid at times and have these little egos that we deal with where we don't want to face the reality that maybe we're inadequate.

00:03:20.840 And so what do we do?

00:03:22.120 Instead, we shift the burden of responsibility and we shift the blame onto something else or someone else.

00:03:30.320 Now, the beauty of this is when we do that, we excuse ourselves, right?

00:03:35.520 We take the responsibility off of ourselves, off of our shoulders.

00:03:39.140 The downside, however, is that while we give away this burden of responsibility, we also and simultaneously give away any power that we had to do anything about it, right?

00:03:52.080 Because when I make an excuse, what I'm doing is I'm saying, this is not my fault that I'm inadequate in my relationship or my fitness or my business or fill in the blank, that it's not my fault.

00:04:04.560 So therefore, there's nothing I can do about it.

00:04:09.080 And that second part of that thought is one of the most destructive factors when it comes to your level of success.

00:04:18.940 Again, whether we're dealing with the relationship with your wife or the relationship with your kids or a relationship that you may have with your boss or a client or at work or in the gym or with your bank account or you name it.

00:04:32.240 The most destructive or I should say one of the most destructive thoughts, even if you don't consciously say it, it's still there.

00:04:40.580 And that thought is there's nothing I can do about it.

00:04:43.840 And that just isn't true.

00:04:45.420 I've always had this thought that if there's one person in the world accomplishing what it is I want to accomplish, then that means there is a possibility, that there's an opening, there's an opportunity for me to do that thing.

00:04:56.660 Now, of course, there's all kinds of different factors that come into play, but the reality is that if somebody can do it, I can do it.

00:05:03.300 And what this gentleman was doing as I was having a conversation with him is he was blaming his lack of a father figure in his young life, not having a father around, not being able to develop that confidence,

00:05:14.100 not learning the things that he needed to learn from a father for his reason for continual failure in his life.

00:05:21.740 But look, here's the reality.

00:05:23.260 I didn't have a permanent father figure growing up.

00:05:25.520 There's millions and millions of men who listen to this podcast who did not have a permanent father figure in their lives.

00:05:31.140 Some of them are not successful.

00:05:33.500 Others, even though father wasn't around, are extremely successful.

00:05:37.440 So is the factor that dad's not around?

00:05:39.420 No, it just means that those ones who are successful, who didn't have a father around, learned something.

00:05:46.540 They let go of the excuse because there's a point in time where that excuse is valid.

00:05:51.380 If you're a young man or a young boy and you're still living at home and you're not getting the leg up and your dad's not around and he's not teaching you what you need to learn.

00:06:01.560 Yeah, that's valid.

00:06:03.380 All right, let's be real about that.

00:06:05.100 That's valid.

00:06:05.680 If I'm not around for my children, then they are not nearly going to have the same opportunities for success that somebody whose father is around.

00:06:16.180 But at some point, now that you're an adult, you get to go out into the world and you get to assert yourself.

00:06:23.420 You get to decide, what do I want to learn?

00:06:25.440 What do I need to know?

00:06:26.380 How do I want to grow?

00:06:27.320 How do I want to expand and develop?

00:06:29.220 And that becomes your obligation and your responsibility.

00:06:33.420 But there's so many men out there.

00:06:35.880 Maybe you're one of them.

00:06:36.960 I used to be one of these individuals who used some sort of excuse that was only valid five or 10 or 20 years down the road.

00:06:47.500 I see guys who hang on to this idea that my dad wasn't around and that's why I'm not successful except for they're 40 years old.

00:06:53.200 I hear from guys who have faulty relationships with their wives or even an ex-wife that happened two decades ago or they're hanging on to this idea of a bad president or the bad economy or an old boss.

00:07:08.160 Guys, at some point, just let the excuse expire.

00:07:12.240 At some point, you've got to say to yourself, I'm to blame here.

00:07:16.780 I'm at fault here.

00:07:18.040 I'm the one who needs to do something about this.

00:07:20.480 It's nobody else's responsibility but my own.

00:07:23.940 And that's the power of it.

00:07:25.100 As difficult as it is to say I'm inadequate, as hard as it is to say that it's nobody else's fault but my own, that becomes the framework for growth and expansion and all of the wonderful things that you want to achieve in your life.

00:07:38.420 But you won't achieve any of it.

00:07:40.060 If you're hanging on to some distant memory of somebody who did something to you or something at your expense, let that nonsense go.

00:07:48.440 Let it expire so that you can move forward without the baggage and the weight that you've been carrying around for decades.

00:07:55.840 It's not comfortable.

00:07:58.020 It's certainly not easy.

00:07:59.800 I've had to let a lot of things go.

00:08:01.280 There's a lot of times in my life, a prime example is when my wife and I went through our separation.

00:08:08.240 I blamed her for a long time.

00:08:10.020 How could she do this?

00:08:10.960 Why was she disloyal?

00:08:12.000 Why wasn't she doing the things that a quote-unquote good wife should do? 1.00

00:08:15.320 And I put all of that burden responsibility on her.

00:08:17.900 And I had to at some point, and I'm so grateful that it did because it transformed my life, let that excuse expire and say, you know what?

00:08:26.380 There may be some validity to that.

00:08:28.460 And she would tell you that.

00:08:29.340 She would tell you there's things that she needed to work on as well.

00:08:32.060 But because I let that excuse expire and I decided to focus on the one thing that I could focus on, which was myself, or the one thing I could control, I should say, which was myself, that's when I noticed progress.

00:08:46.840 That's when I saw growth.

00:08:48.200 That's when I saw me build up a level of confidence and courage and competence, like I had talked about last week, in myself.

00:08:55.340 And that's actually what salvaged our marriage.

00:08:57.300 It wasn't that she changed.

00:08:58.780 She did because she went on her own development as well.

00:09:02.120 But it was because I changed.

00:09:04.460 And that is the power of letting go of all of the past excuses and letting those things expire.

00:09:11.500 Now, a lot of the times, as I'm talking about excuses, guys tend to wonder, what is the difference between a reason and an excuse?

00:09:21.360 Is there validity to it?

00:09:23.420 Is this something that's actually healthy or is it destructive?

00:09:26.020 And how do I know what that line is?

00:09:27.860 I think the line is actually very simple.

00:09:30.740 The excuses that you create are a wall.

00:09:34.540 What you're doing is you're giving away responsibility.

00:09:36.980 So let's go to the fitness example.

00:09:39.660 If you are struggling and the reason you say you're struggling is because there's not a gym near you, what you did is you just gave away any power you had to do something about it.

00:09:52.320 You told yourself, even subconsciously, that because there's not a gym around, I can't get into shape.

00:09:58.380 Well, most of us listening would not believe that.

00:10:01.060 And yet it's amazing how often so many of us say things like that.

00:10:04.960 So an excuse, although it may be valid, there may not be a gym near you.

00:10:08.540 That may be valid.

00:10:09.280 Although an excuse may be valid, it's not a great way for progress because you're not giving yourself any burden of responsibility.

00:10:18.560 You're saying, my hands are tied.

00:10:20.620 There's nothing I can do about it.

00:10:21.920 If somebody at some point decides to open a gym, then, then I can do it.

00:10:26.100 Then I'll be healthy.

00:10:27.200 Then I'll go in and get my weight in check and get my strength in check.

00:10:30.720 And then I just have to sit here and wait for somebody else to do something.

00:10:34.180 That's the problem with an excuse.

00:10:35.660 A reason, on the other hand, is forward thinking.

00:10:39.340 So we'll take that same scenario.

00:10:40.860 You're not getting your fitness in check.

00:10:42.500 You go back, you review it, you look at it and you think, well, the reason I'm not is because there's not a gym in here.

00:10:47.360 Okay, that's point number one.

00:10:49.460 Now, here's the difference.

00:10:51.820 You follow that up with something forward thinking.

00:10:55.160 Like the reason I'm not getting my fitness in check is because there's not a gym in here here.

00:10:59.060 That means I need to buy some gym equipment for the house.

00:11:01.820 Or that means I need to do some online training program.

00:11:04.200 Or that means I need to hire a coach.

00:11:06.120 Or that means I need to do something different that will allow me to overcome the fact that there isn't a gym near you.

00:11:13.940 This is the difference between excuses and reasons.

00:11:17.200 Excuses halt progress.

00:11:20.440 Reasons propel that progress forward.

00:11:23.300 Because you're thinking about, okay, this is objective.

00:11:25.760 Like there's no gym here.

00:11:26.760 So, what am I going to do differently in order to achieve my objective?

00:11:31.260 There's a great quote and it's in Latin and I won't try to pronounce it in Latin, but it's one of my favorite lines.

00:11:37.460 And it says, I will find a way or make one.

00:11:40.480 And that's the difference between an excuse or a reason.

00:11:43.280 A reason is simply identifying something that's wrong so that you can address it.

00:11:47.680 You can correct the behavior or adapt and overcome and still accomplish what it is you want to accomplish.

00:11:55.200 So, guys, again, I told you this was going to be a short one.

00:11:57.900 But what I'd like you to do is I'd like you to start thinking about the progress that you have in your life.

00:12:05.640 And I want you to look at some key components of your life.

00:12:08.160 All right, here they are.

00:12:09.220 I want you to look at your important relationships.

00:12:12.440 Those relationships could be with your wife, could be even potentially with an ex-wife, with your friends and your buddies and your band of brothers.

00:12:21.580 It could be with your children.

00:12:23.400 Maybe it's a neighbor.

00:12:24.960 Maybe it's friends, colleagues, coworkers, employers, employees, team members, all of it.

00:12:32.140 I want you to look at all of those relationships.

00:12:34.780 Inventory those things.

00:12:35.680 Get out a notepad if you have to and write down all of the important relationships to you.

00:12:40.960 And then grade yourself.

00:12:42.800 Or grade the relationship, I should say.

00:12:44.820 How is this relationship?

00:12:46.820 Is this an A relationship?

00:12:49.000 Like we're communicating, we're talking, the lines of communication are open and we understand each other.

00:12:54.100 Or is it a D or an F where it's important to you, but you haven't made contact with this individual.

00:12:59.520 You don't know how to get a hold of them.

00:13:01.340 You haven't served them.

00:13:02.220 They haven't helped and served you in some capacity in the not-too-distant future.

00:13:07.400 Like grade, grade your relationship.

00:13:10.400 Now that you've graded these relationships, ask yourself this question.

00:13:14.360 What is keeping me from having the type of relationship that I want to have with this individual?

00:13:22.380 And think about everything that you can.

00:13:24.780 Every excuse, every reason, everything that you possibly can think of.

00:13:28.820 Now that you have that, the last step is, what am I going to do in order to improve the relationship?

00:13:36.760 Long distance, that's a reason.

00:13:38.900 What am I going to do moving forward?

00:13:40.940 You can allow that long distance, for example, to be an excuse by saying, well, toss up my hands, nothing I can do.

00:13:46.020 Then it's just an excuse.

00:13:47.160 But a reason is forward thinking again.

00:13:49.100 So again, look at your relationships and all the important ones and grade those relationships.

00:13:57.240 Second to that is you're going to come up with all of the reasons or excuses that maybe you're falling behind in those relationships.

00:14:03.120 And then the third component of that is you're going to ask yourself, what can I do to improve this relationship?

00:14:08.420 Like we don't have to run away or hide from reasons.

00:14:10.460 We just have to address them and then figure out how to get past them.

00:14:13.260 So that's with relationships.

00:14:15.100 I also want you to look at your level of fitness.

00:14:19.840 Am I strong?

00:14:20.660 Am I sleeping enough?

00:14:21.520 Am I getting proper nutrition?

00:14:23.080 Am I getting the rest that I need?

00:14:25.680 Am I recovering?

00:14:26.760 Am I lifting correctly?

00:14:27.960 I want you to look at every facet that you possibly can and ask yourself, in what areas do I fall short?

00:14:34.060 Now that you have those areas in which you fall short, again, you're grading yourself.

00:14:37.340 You then go look at it and you say, okay, what are all the excuses?

00:14:40.280 What are all the reasons?

00:14:41.480 What are all the scripts?

00:14:42.760 What is everything that I'm telling myself that's keeping me from achieving the level of success that I desire?

00:14:47.760 And for every single one of those reasons or excuses, I want you to come up with a plan of action that actually overcomes or compensates or negates any of those excuses.

00:14:57.960 That you just created.

00:14:59.220 Let those things go.

00:15:00.460 Let them be in the past.

00:15:01.700 So now we've got relationships.

00:15:03.940 We've got our fitness.

00:15:05.540 And I also want you to look at third component here, your finances.

00:15:08.920 I want you to look at your money.

00:15:10.960 How are you investing?

00:15:12.520 Are you investing?

00:15:13.580 Are you saving enough?

00:15:14.680 How much debt do you have?

00:15:16.340 Do you have that looming over your shoulder?

00:15:17.880 Are your taxes taken care of?

00:15:19.880 Do you have the credentials that you need to build more wealth?

00:15:22.760 Are you on a career path that's going to help you expand and grow and excel and therefore bring more money into?

00:15:28.620 Yourself or the family?

00:15:31.940 So you're looking at finances now.

00:15:33.660 You're looking at all these components.

00:15:35.480 First step, grade it.

00:15:37.300 Second step, look at where you're falling short and come up with all the reasons and all the excuses and all the baggage and all the things that you're telling yourself as to why you're not achieving that level of success.

00:16:16.700 Even if it's uncomfortable, boys, on the other hand, children, youth, adolescents, what they do is they hide and they run and they cower and they cover their eyes and they get scared and they never want to address these things because they're tough and they're difficult and they're scary.

00:16:33.360 At some point, if you're going to be a man, you've got to let your excuses expire.

00:16:37.500 And the first thing you need to do is recognize that it's there, recognize that you've been using it as a crutch, recognizing that maybe, just maybe, it's no longer valid in your life because you're a grown man.

00:16:49.720 And then come up with a strategy for actually addressing it.

00:16:53.180 That strategy is very simple.

00:16:54.580 Let me recap here for you.

00:16:56.220 Identify in three key areas, your relationships, your finances, and your fitness, where you're falling short.

00:17:03.640 So you're going to grade yourself.

00:17:04.940 That's step number one.

00:17:06.220 In the areas in which you fall short, when you're grading yourself, list out all of the excuses and reasons and scripts and everything else that you're telling yourself as to why you're not achieving success in that area.

00:17:17.780 Some of those things will be more valid than others.

00:17:19.720 And for every one of those excuses in every one of those three areas, you're going to create a plan of action that is going to help you compensate for and overcome that excuse.

00:17:30.960 It's not a difficult thing, guys.

00:17:34.440 It's it.

00:17:35.140 I will say it's not always easy because you've been programming this baggage and this nonsense in your head for potentially decades, but it's a very simple process.

00:17:44.460 It requires a little thought.

00:17:46.540 It requires a strategy.

00:17:49.000 It requires you sitting down and taking some time and investing time in yourself and really thinking about what kind of man you are today, what kind of man you want to become, and then having a strategy for bridging that gap.

00:18:05.240 All right, guys, like I said, fairly short, but it needed to be said.

00:18:09.420 It needs to be addressed.

00:18:10.440 If you see that there's other men who are making excuses and who are not performing to the capacity and level they should, I would encourage you to share this movement, share this podcast, share the other podcasts that we've done, share our interviews, jump on social media at Ryan Mickler on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook, wherever you're doing the social media thing.

00:18:28.500 Go on YouTube.

00:18:30.500 I want to make this available to you.

00:18:33.020 I want to make this available to the billions of men across the planet who need to understand what it means to be a man.

00:18:40.160 And I think the first part of that is exhibiting a little courage, a little mental fortitude, a little maturity in realizing that at some point you've got to outgrow those excuses.

00:18:50.640 You've got to think beyond those things.

00:18:52.560 You've got to act beyond those things.

00:18:54.180 And as you do, you will become a more capable and a more successful man.

00:18:59.120 So I'll leave you guys there for the weekend.

00:19:02.320 You've got your homework.

00:19:03.420 You should be doing that over the weekend.

00:19:04.740 You've got your assignment, your marching orders, if you will.

00:19:07.400 But we'll be back on Tuesday.

00:19:09.220 Again, we've got the one and only Chad Prather on.

00:19:11.600 I think you guys are going to enjoy that episode.

00:19:13.220 It's about political incorrectness.

00:19:15.820 And yeah, it's a good one, guys.

00:19:18.000 All right.

00:19:18.340 We'll let you get going.

00:19:19.200 Get out there.

00:19:19.760 Take action.

00:19:20.560 Become the man you are meant to be.

00:19:22.480 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:19:24.860 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

00:19:29.460 we invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - March 08, 2019

Let Your Excuses Expire ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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