Order of Man - Life Lessons Learned at 40 ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.040 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.500 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.540 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.780 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.720 Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler, and I am the host and founder of the Order of Men podcast and movement.

00:00:31.540 Guys, if you're new today, what I need you to know is that we are championing the cause of masculinity.

00:00:37.400 There's many elements of society, including, frankly, the government, that don't want men to be men.

00:00:43.740 They don't want men to be masculine. They don't want men to act like men. They don't want men to do what men do. 0.95

00:00:48.960 And it's my job to give you the tools and resources and conversations that you need because you know as well as I do that society is in need of strong, capable, bold, skilled, masculine men.

00:01:01.840 And as these individuals and the powers that would be continue to undermine and dismiss and attempt to dismantle what it means to be a man,

00:01:09.740 it's our job to make sure that we do what we need to do to be able to serve others.

00:01:16.340 And that's what it actually means to be a man, is to be in service of others.

00:01:19.660 You can see here on my hat, I've got the logo, Order of Man, and right here, Protect, Provide, Preside.

00:01:25.240 Your job as a man is to protect, provide, preside.

00:01:27.520 Now, I wanted to share one thing with you, or quite a few things, actually, with you today as I talk about an event that transpired last weekend.

00:01:36.400 It was my 40th birthday, so I'm going to share with you a couple of lessons that I've learned, not over the 40 years,

00:01:43.160 but I would say over the past six years that I wish I would have known earlier.

00:01:47.720 So I'm going to get to that in just a minute.

00:01:48.980 Before I do, if you would, and you want to share what we're doing here, and you want to support what this movement is all about,

00:01:54.780 and I need your support, then if you would, please just leave us a rating and review.

00:01:59.420 If you're listening to this on Pandora, or Spotify, or iTunes, or Stitcher, or SoundCloud, wherever.

00:02:06.440 Wherever you're listening to this podcast, if it's on YouTube, whatever.

00:02:09.820 Just go in, leave a rating and review, let people know, take a screenshot of this episode,

00:02:15.340 because I'm going to share some very valuable information that, again, I wish I would have learned earlier.

00:02:20.540 More men need to hear this, guys.

00:02:21.660 Your brothers, your cousins, your fathers, the boys that you're mentoring on your sports teams,

00:02:27.000 or maybe it's colleagues and coworkers, or employer, employees.

00:02:30.680 Men need to hear it.

00:02:31.520 Your neighbors, they need to hear this stuff. 1.00

00:02:33.760 Because what they're hearing is garbage, it's filth, it's nonsense. 0.99

00:02:37.480 And again, as I said earlier, it's an attempt to undermine masculinity at every step, 1.00

00:02:41.180 and this is the antithesis of that.

00:02:42.580 And this is how we combat that level of thinking that has permeated the school system,

00:02:48.400 permeated academia, permeated the medical community.

00:02:53.180 And now we see it into corporations and society and culture at large.

00:02:58.400 So with that said, let's get into a couple of lessons, five in particular,

00:03:02.980 that I have really, really honed in on over the past six years.

00:03:06.780 And I will preface by saying this, that at 40, because again, my birthday was last week,

00:03:14.060 over the weekend, at 40, I never thought I'd be this old first, and it's not that old,

00:03:19.340 but I never thought I'd get to this point, that I'm in the best position that I am or ever have

00:03:25.200 been in my entire life. Physically, mentally, emotionally, I'm satisfied and not satisfied,

00:03:31.840 but I'm happy. I'm happy with where I am. I'm fulfilled. And I know a lot of guys aren't

00:03:37.640 experiencing that. I know that because I hear from you. You guys send me messages on Instagram,

00:03:41.760 or you shoot me an email, and those of you who have my number will shoot me texts. And I know

00:03:45.400 what it's like. I know what you're experiencing. I know what you may be dealing with. I know the

00:03:50.600 hardships that you're struggling with. I know the relationship that you're in might be on the rocks

00:03:56.380 or worse. I know that your physical fitness is declined drastically from where it's been in the

00:04:03.120 past. I know the bank account is suffering. Like, I know you guys are having a hard time

00:04:07.100 and others are not, but I've been there. And it isn't until the last six years where I've learned

00:04:14.340 these lessons that I've began to dig myself out of the hole that I had created. You know, it's very easy

00:04:19.240 for us to say. And I think a large part of culture would have you believe that you're a victim and

00:04:23.980 that everything that's wrong in your life is the result of somebody else's wrongdoing or slight

00:04:31.240 against you. And there might be some truth to that. But you know, as a grown man, those excuses that

00:04:36.540 you have expire, whether you came from a broken home or you were abused or any number of things that 0.85

00:04:41.980 could have happened, a shitty hand that you may have been dealt in life. And that's just part of the

00:04:46.400 deal. You know, not everybody's going to have the perfect hand and you've got to play with what you

00:04:51.020 have, but too many men are blaming it and assigning that responsibility over to somebody else. And what

00:04:59.320 I would encourage you to do is take responsibility. And that doesn't mean that you have to overlook

00:05:04.880 people's faults or you have to bring people back into your life that may have harmed you.

00:05:10.760 That's not what taking responsibility is. Responsibility is just taking ownership of your path

00:05:15.420 moving forward. And I wish I would have taken responsibility earlier. And I wish I would have

00:05:19.380 learned these lessons earlier. So with that said, number one, the first lesson that I would suggest

00:05:25.300 to you is that you have to plan out every single day. It is incredible to me how many men, excuse me,

00:05:32.200 I have something stuck in my eye here. That's why I keep checking my eye. I don't know what's going on,

00:05:36.300 but it is incredible to me how many men don't plan out their days. They have no strategy. They have no

00:05:42.900 plan of attack. They have no priorities listed and documented. They have no system in place whatsoever

00:05:49.020 to be able to attack their day and to make it effective. And you know, what's interesting is

00:05:53.680 even without a plan, you might be somewhat effective. You might have a good day. You might

00:05:57.740 have a productive day, but if you don't have a system in place, not only is it going to happen

00:06:03.860 less frequently, you don't know how to replicate it. And that's very important. I learned this lesson

00:06:08.800 long ago when I was getting started in my financial planning career, as I would work on my presentation

00:06:15.520 skills and then my, my first sales pitch that I would, I would talk with potential new prospects

00:06:19.880 with. And one of my trainers said, Hey, you know, even if you just get it right, you just wing it

00:06:25.160 and you get it right. The problem is you can't replicate it. You can't go to your next meeting and

00:06:29.540 do the same thing. And the next meeting and do the same thing in the next meeting and do the same

00:06:32.500 thing. And it wasn't until I replicated the process that I could actually evaluate it to see

00:06:38.400 whether or not it worked. And that's the beauty. That's part of the power of having a planning

00:06:42.780 system that you're using every single day so that you can go back at the end of the day and decide

00:06:48.660 with, with some level of objectivity, whether or not the day was productive and effective for you.

00:06:55.040 Cause if not, you're going to base it on your feelings. Oh yeah. Like I feel like I got a lot done

00:06:58.480 or I don't, I don't feel good about what I accomplished or, you know, maybe who knows? Like,

00:07:04.340 it seems like I did a lot. Well, you might be moving a lot, but really, are you really even

00:07:08.760 moving the needle? You know, you might be very active, but activity doesn't always equal prudence.

00:07:14.800 And so you feel like, well, you know, I've been busting my ass all day or all week. And so like, 0.96

00:07:19.980 surely I must, must be in a better position. And yet you're still fat. You're still broke. 0.93

00:07:25.340 Your relationships still suck. So you were busy, but you were busy doing the wrong thing. So 0.99

00:07:31.060 my first point that I wanted to make with you guys today is that every day has to be planned.

00:07:36.280 Now I don't care what it looks like for you. I've got a system that I use and I've made it

00:07:40.320 available to the guys that tune in. And I'll talk to you about that in a minute. But I don't care if

00:07:44.820 it's a piece of paper, if it's a Google calendar, if it's a free app that you have on your phone

00:07:48.520 or any number of other individuals like Jocko or Andy Frisilla or whoever it may be that you follow

00:07:55.400 and they have a planning system and you've decided to incorporate that. Cool. That's great.

00:08:00.020 The biggest thing for me is that it works for you. So I just want to reiterate if it's my plan or

00:08:05.940 somebody else's plan or your own plan or a combination of all of the above great, but do

00:08:10.240 it. Now the planning system that we use is called the 12 week battle planner. We've got it in a journal

00:08:16.640 form, which is the one I actually happen to use the most because I like being able to write it down.

00:08:20.640 There's something powerful for me and not punching away on my phone, but writing it down.

00:08:24.120 But we have the paper version. And then we also have the app, the digital version,

00:08:31.100 which you can find at 12weekbattleplanner.com, 12weekbattleplanner.com. And I'm not going to

00:08:35.620 drone on about what the planning system is. It's like beating a dead horse. I've talked about it

00:08:39.720 over and over and over again. If you're just tuning into the podcast, just go back. And anytime that

00:08:45.900 somebody asks a question on one of our ask me any things or talks about productivity or systems,

00:08:50.700 we always talk about the battle planner. So it's there. But again, number one lesson over the past

00:08:56.700 six years, up until me right now being 40 years old, is that you've got to plan out every single

00:09:01.900 day. And by the way, one last thing on that, and then we'll move on. This doesn't end just because

00:09:06.760 it happens to be Saturday or Sunday or whatever your weekend days are. It doesn't mean that you don't

00:09:13.240 get to plan. I mean, I guess you could, you have the right to not plan. But what I see a lot of guys do

00:09:18.480 is they'll go hard for three, four, five days because that's what the task requires. And then

00:09:23.920 they think the weekend is like, kick up my feet, drink a bunch of beer, slack off, don't do my

00:09:28.000 workouts, don't foster and nurture the relationships that I have and just take it easy. And then they

00:09:33.740 take three or four steps back for every one or two steps you're taking forward. Use the weekend

00:09:38.460 and your days off to recharge and relax and rejuvenate and maybe reprioritize and strategize,

00:09:44.820 but don't slip. Don't lose ground on the weekends ever. Don't ever do that. You should be constantly

00:09:51.140 marching, maybe a little slower, maybe a different pace on the weekends, but you're still moving the

00:09:55.960 needle, still moving forward, still doing your plan, even though it may look different than what

00:10:00.480 a Monday or a Wednesday might look like. Okay. All right. Number two, learn from the absolute best.

00:10:07.000 Learn from the best. Now I am in the fortunate position that I have at this point interviewed over,

00:10:12.760 I want to say it's right around 350, highly, highly successful men. Okay. These are guys like

00:10:18.720 Granger Smith, who we just had on Steven Rinella, Ethan Suplee, David Goggins, Jocko Willink,

00:10:25.540 Andy Frisilla, Tim Kennedy, John Eldridge. If I do this, I always leave people out and I don't want

00:10:33.360 to do that because of the 350 men that we've had on the podcast, they've all taught me something.

00:10:39.040 And in a lot of ways, I feel like I'm the greatest recipient or beneficiary of the work

00:10:43.760 that we're doing here because I'm the one who actually gets to have conversations with these

00:10:47.680 guys. And I realized not everybody's in that position. It isn't luck. You know, some people

00:10:52.820 say, oh, you're lucky you get to talk to these guys. It isn't luck. It's fortune. You know, I'll say

00:10:57.160 there's some fortunate, a series of fortunate events. I happen to be born in the greatest country

00:11:00.900 in the world. I happen to be born to a mother who loved me and who made sure I got what I needed

00:11:07.540 physically, mentally, and emotionally so that I could be productive as I became older. I have

00:11:11.700 all of those things that were outside of my control and I'm fortunate and grateful for those.

00:11:16.640 But I also created this. You know, I've put forth a lot of effort. I think we've done a total of

00:11:22.360 700 plus podcasts now, which means that if they average, I would say maybe an hour to an hour and a

00:11:28.580 half, let's just for easy math, say it's a 700 podcasts for an hour on average. I mean, that's

00:11:36.940 a lot of hours. If you think about it, that's a lot of one-on-one time with, again, the most successful

00:11:43.440 men in the world. What an incredible opportunity. Now, just because you may not have that same

00:11:49.300 opportunity doesn't mean it's there. And it doesn't mean that there aren't people in your circle or just

00:11:54.040 outside of your current circle who could help you grow and develop and teach you things and mentor

00:12:01.040 you and guide you and instruct and coach. They're there. Now, one thing I will say is that those

00:12:08.520 people are not necessarily going to go out of their way and trip over everything to find you, to track

00:12:13.980 you down, to teach you what it is you need to know. It would be nice if it worked out that way, but it

00:12:17.780 doesn't. You need to show some level of assertiveness. Just with my podcast, people don't reach out to me.

00:12:23.440 Occasionally, I will have somebody who I really want to have a conversation with reach out,

00:12:29.620 but very rarely does that happen. No, I need to be the one taking initiative because this is my goal.

00:12:35.540 This is my ambition. This is my desire. And if you have a desire to learn from the best

00:12:39.620 people you possibly can, then that's on your shoulders. And you need to look at who's in your

00:12:45.260 circle. You need to play the Kevin Bacon game, the six degrees of separation. Maybe you want to get to

00:12:50.680 your CEO, but you don't have a direct contact. Well, maybe somebody can link you up. Or maybe

00:12:54.920 you want a connection into a particular organization or company. And you have a friend who might be able

00:13:00.940 to make a personal contact for you. Well, you're the one that has to reach out. You're the one has to

00:13:06.520 be creative about how you're going to add value. You're the one who has to pitch that individual that

00:13:11.420 I want to spend time with you or that I want to have a conversation with you. And I want to learn from

00:13:17.260 you. You're going to have to do that. But also the barrier to entry to these individuals has never

00:13:21.900 been lower. Not only do they offer their products and goods and services that you can purchase and

00:13:26.220 buy, whether it's coaching or events or conferences or whatever that looks like, memberships, masterminds,

00:13:32.140 et cetera, et cetera. But you can get direct access to their inbox on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

00:13:40.500 Start following these individuals, comment, like, post, share, add value to their life. And when the time is

00:13:45.700 right, then you might ask a question. And it's not every question, by the way. I get that sometimes.

00:13:52.020 People will reach out and say, hey, Ryan, I have a question. And they'll proceed to share this novel

00:13:57.500 that just based on my time constraints, I can't possibly get to. But if somebody reaches out and

00:14:01.760 says, hey, man, I've been following you for a long time. And this is an individual who I acknowledge

00:14:05.880 and I recognize and I know that they've interacted and engaged with me. And they asked me a very short,

00:14:10.400 poignant question. Yeah, I try to go out of my way to answer those questions and help those

00:14:14.400 individuals. Because I believe in the law of reciprocity. If I share and you share and everybody

00:14:21.340 else is putting good out into the world, then that will be returned to you. But guys, wrap your head

00:14:26.740 around the fact that we don't know it all. We aren't as good as we think we are. We don't know

00:14:32.060 everything there is to know. There's always somebody who's better, smarter, faster, quicker, more

00:14:36.260 intelligent, more creative, more successful. And that shouldn't be a threat to you. It shouldn't be a

00:14:44.600 threat that somebody's better than you. In fact, if anything, you should attempt to make that person

00:14:48.300 an ally. And that's what I've done. And that's why we're successful. Because I've made these 350 men

00:14:54.720 allies of myself and our movement. And in return, they're willing to impart and share with me, but I'm open

00:15:01.500 and receptive to it. And I take initiative to get it done. So again, we have number one, plan out every

00:15:07.360 single day. Number two, learn from the absolute best. They're around you. Just got to take the

00:15:11.680 initiative. Number three, over the past six years, I've poured myself into a cause greater than myself.

00:15:18.580 And maybe more accurately than say I've poured myself into a cause is that I've created a cause.

00:15:24.200 It's always been there, but I've identified it. And then I've created solutions to the problems that I

00:15:30.100 see in society specifically regarding masculinity. The way we as men generally and typically are viewed

00:15:35.560 in much of culture and the way that we feel about ourselves. And I acknowledge that as a problem

00:15:40.160 because that is something that I dealt with. So instead of just me focusing on me, which at some

00:15:45.520 points we have to, right? We have to get right first before we can expect to go out and help and share

00:15:50.380 and lift and encourage other people. But this is a cause greater than me. And if I was doing something

00:15:57.420 else, I would want this cause to continue. If I wasn't around, if I died today on my drive,

00:16:01.760 wherever I was going, I would want this cause to continue. It's that important to me.

00:16:06.900 Now, some people say, you know, well, Ryan, you're making money doing this. Yes, I am.

00:16:11.020 And I've never made any qualms about that. I don't feel bad about that. I don't think there's any sort of

00:16:16.340 guilt of mine associated with that because we add value to the marketplace. And in exchange,

00:16:22.100 I ask that people partner with us. And sometimes that means they pay for a product or a good or the

00:16:26.360 iron council or whatever. And sometimes, not sometimes, and then in exchange for that, then I

00:16:33.600 add value to their lives. I don't feel bad about that. But that said, that doesn't take away the

00:16:38.860 fact that it's a cause, that it's a movement, that there's a mission, there's a purpose behind this.

00:16:44.960 Protect, provide, preside. It's to reclaim and restore masculinity. And there's a lot of facets to 0.56

00:16:49.900 this. And there's a lot of ways and angles that I can address this and approach this and deal with this.

00:16:54.340 But when I don't feel like doing things, elements of the business, whether it's emails or a particular

00:17:00.100 podcast or podcast notes or any number of things that I have to do to keep the wheels turning,

00:17:06.680 it's the mission that drives me forward. And it compels me. It's why I wake up in the middle of

00:17:11.660 the night with ideas and thoughts. And I have to have a notepad by my nightstand because if I didn't,

00:17:16.820 all these ideas would be bouncing around in my brain and I'd never get any sleep. And instead,

00:17:20.960 I put a notepad by my bed on my nightstand. And if I wake up in the middle of the night,

00:17:28.280 which I often do, I'll just lean over, write down that idea or that person I want to connect with,

00:17:33.300 or that strategy, or that way I can add value to people's lives because it consumes me in a good way.

00:17:40.920 It very easily could go south if I became obsessed at the point where it came at the expense of my other

00:17:47.100 obligations and responsibilities, but it consumes me. And because it consumes me, it also compels me

00:17:52.540 and drives me to do the things that need to be done to forward and advance the cause of reclaiming

00:17:58.460 and restoring masculinity. But what is yours? What's your cause greater than yourself?

00:18:03.760 I'm reminded of some books I have over here on my desk. John Eldridge, the author of Wild at Heart

00:18:10.340 and several other books, of course, sent me, it looks like three or four copies of his newest

00:18:15.600 edition, his improved edition of Wild at Heart, because we just did a podcast. That one's coming

00:18:19.420 out soon. And John has one of my favorite quotes, and I believe it's in that book, Wild at Heart.

00:18:25.100 And the quote is this, deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight,

00:18:29.860 an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. Let's forget about the adventure and beauty. I've

00:18:35.520 talked about plenty of that. That's important, but let's forget about that for a minute.

00:18:38.700 A battle to fight. Deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight. And what's your battle?

00:18:47.480 Traffic? Arguing with your wife over petty nonsense? Or is it something more significant?

00:18:56.080 Is it something deeper, more meaningful? Does it give purpose to your life? Does it motivate you and

00:19:02.820 compel you and inspire you? And if not, I get it. For most of my life, I would say for 34, 35 years,

00:19:10.600 I didn't have that. And so, I was doing work that was good, but it wasn't greater than myself.

00:19:18.300 Which is funny because I think about that. I have personal friends who are in the same line of work

00:19:23.580 that I was in, financial planning, and they feel about financial planning the same way that I feel

00:19:31.020 about what we're doing here. And what that tells me is that the cause greater than ourself

00:19:36.720 doesn't always have to be the same. Every man has his own battle to fight. Mine wasn't helping people

00:19:42.980 with their finances, but I have personal friends who feel the same way I do about this work with their work.

00:19:48.240 And that's great. And they should pursue that. And that should be meaningful to them. And it should

00:19:52.600 drive them to do great things. All right. Number four. Look, frankly speaking, number four, I wrote

00:19:59.600 down here, is that I have set my bullshit detector to sensitive. Not that I'm trying to be sensitive, 0.94

00:20:06.400 not like safe spaces and microaggressions, but that I've set my bullshit meter to sensitive. 0.87

00:20:12.960 That I don't deal with drama, that I don't, that I don't do things I don't enjoy, or at least won't 0.81

00:20:20.100 lead me to some level of joy. You know, there's things that I have to do throughout the day

00:20:23.400 that I wouldn't consider adding joy to my life. Like answering emails, for example, doesn't add joy to

00:20:30.880 my life, but it leads me to joy because it means that I get to connect with you guys and answer your

00:20:37.240 questions, hopefully make connections, add value and enhance your life in some way. And so me,

00:20:42.900 punching away, typing emails isn't my favorite thing. It isn't joyous for me, but it leads to

00:20:48.440 a level of joy based on the cause greater than myself. And also, I don't have time to entertain

00:20:55.920 a-holes. And there's a lot of them. They're not the majority, but there are a lot of them. 1.00

00:21:00.760 And they're very good at getting to you. And it's like the Friday field notes I did last week,

00:21:06.940 I believe it was, with tending your field. You got to weed that stuff out of there.

00:21:12.760 Those weeds are constrictive. They're going to ruin your crop. They're going to mess with what

00:21:16.560 you're trying to create. And that's why I set my bullshit meter to sensitive. At the first sign of 0.99

00:21:22.940 drama, at the slightest little hint of somebody being a jerk or an a-hole, done. I don't have time 0.99

00:21:30.960 for it. I don't need it. I don't want it in my life. I've got too many good things going. I've got

00:21:36.240 too many obligations and responsibilities to deal with it. And as I'm hitting 40 years old, now over

00:21:44.220 40, 40 in one week, that went fast. And if I live to average life expectancy, I don't exactly know

00:21:54.020 what it is, but it's got to be right around, I would say, 82, 83, somewhere in there maybe.

00:21:57.300 I'm about the 50% mark. I'm about halfway there. And I don't have time to do things that

00:22:05.760 don't enhance my life. And some people will interpret that as being selfish. It's not always

00:22:12.080 selfish because I actually find value in serving other people. If my neighbor was hung up and we

00:22:18.460 needed to take care of their yard or their weeds or mow their lawn, we would do that. And that gives

00:22:23.660 me a sense of fulfillment and purpose and meaning. So it's not always a selfish endeavor.

00:22:29.160 There's ways that you can serve other people, but also uplift yourself and edify what it is you're

00:22:33.180 doing and how you feel about who you are. So think about where that meter is for you.

00:22:40.220 Do you tolerate it? What's the adage? You encourage what you tolerate? Or do you cut it out ruthlessly?

00:22:47.800 To go back to our crop analogy, if you have weeds and vines growing all over your garden and your

00:22:54.980 plants and your vegetables, are you just going to leave them there and say, oh, you know, I think a

00:22:58.600 little bit is okay. Or if you went to the doctor because you were feeling sick and your body wasn't

00:23:05.940 doing well and the doctor said, hey, you know, you have some cancerous cells in your body.

00:23:11.420 You know, you can live, you can function right now, but it's going to get worse. And he said,

00:23:16.440 oh, no, I'm okay. I guess I'll wait till it gets worse. No, you're not going to do that. You're

00:23:21.740 going to be ruthless about ripping that stuff out of your body, ripping that stuff out of your garden.

00:23:31.240 And yet we spend so much time in our everyday lives with careers and people and relationships and

00:23:40.320 conversations that just rot our souls. Cut that stuff out, set that bullshit meter to where it 0.98

00:23:49.200 needs to be set and then listen to it and act appropriately. You'll be so much more satisfied 0.99

00:23:54.200 and you'll have more time to do the other things like plan and learning from other people and

00:23:58.100 engaging in a cause greater than yourself. And the last one here, guys, is that at age 40 years old

00:24:04.660 now, I'm very comfortable with who I am. And I haven't always been that way. I've always struggled

00:24:10.480 with confidence issues. I've struggled with issues of fitting in or even exerting myself and putting

00:24:17.260 myself out into other situations where other people were. I think inherently, I tend to be a more

00:24:23.360 secluded individual, which might sound like a shock based on the work that I'm doing now,

00:24:29.040 but that's because a cause greater than myself. I realize it's so important. I got to put myself out there,

00:24:33.640 but I was dubbed when I was in the final years of elementary school and into middle school,

00:24:40.360 I was dubbed the hermit, the hermit crab, or I think it was just the hermit. I can't even remember

00:24:44.700 anymore, but I think it was just the hermit because I wouldn't come out of my shell. You know, people

00:24:49.800 would invite me to go do things, whether it was a party or an outing or an activity or this or that,

00:24:54.420 or even after the football game, you know, let's go do this thing. And I'm like, man, I don't want to do

00:24:57.880 that. And so I was dubbed the hermit. And I never really fit in. Like, I never really felt

00:25:04.740 comfortable fitting in. I was never, you know, the cool kid, none of that. And then for years and

00:25:11.300 years, probably even decades of my life, I spent time chasing around other people, doing what they

00:25:16.700 were interested in, trying to get their approval and their validation of me. And it was exhausting.

00:25:22.900 And the more I did it, the more uncomfortable I was with myself. Like I wanted to fit in. And the

00:25:28.020 more I tried to fit in, the more out of place that I actually felt. And at age 40, I finally feel

00:25:37.600 like, well, I feel like I don't need to fit in. Actually, I was going to say fit in, but I actually

00:25:42.160 it's, it's different. It's, I don't, I don't have the desire to fit in. I don't need to be like

00:25:46.920 everybody else. I don't need this person's approval or that person's acceptance or this other person's

00:25:51.220 validation. I don't need it. I'm satisfied with where I am. So how do you get to that point by

00:25:56.640 winning battles with yourself? That's it. It's by winning battles with yourself. Because if you

00:26:02.420 don't win the battle of getting out of bed, when you say you will, or don't win the battle of going

00:26:05.540 to the gym, or don't win, win the battle with your diet choices and don't win the battle with

00:26:10.040 other temptations that may come into your life. And you don't win the battle with the negative self

00:26:14.440 talk and, and the activity that, you know, you should be taking. And you don't win the battle with

00:26:18.580 executing on the plan that you've created. You're going to feel like a loser.

00:26:25.340 And I, and I think that, that a lot of culture these days would tell you that, well, you know, 0.97

00:26:31.500 like you should just accept that you feel like a loser because you're, you're, you're overweight and 0.96

00:26:36.880 you're fat and you're out of shape. And well, you should just accept that. No, you, you shouldn't 0.99

00:26:40.580 accept that. Why would you accept something that is less than, you know, you're capable of.

00:26:45.660 And then we wonder why so many men are depressed and, and anxious and suicidal.

00:26:52.920 Well, there's a lot of reasons, but I think one of the big reasons is that they've started to buy

00:26:57.480 into the lie that they're just supposed to be satisfied with being 50 or 60 pounds overweight 0.98

00:27:01.540 or that relationships just suck. You know, like marriage is hard and everybody goes through 0.61

00:27:07.480 divorce and you know, this is, this is the way it is. And, and when, when you hit the seven year

00:27:12.220 itch in your marriage, then you know, you've kind of hit that, that max and just, this is life.

00:27:17.180 And you're supposed to work in a cubicle and for somebody else in an office space for the next 40

00:27:21.760 years. And you get your little pension and your retirement package. And like, you know, this is

00:27:25.560 life. I'm not going to settle for that, but when you resign yourself to that, is it any wonder why you

00:27:32.080 feel like garbage? No, go win battles with yourself. When the weaker, lazier, more pathetic version of 0.98

00:27:40.860 yourself says, no, we should sleep in, shut it down. When that, I call it the natural man, when 1.00

00:27:46.840 that natural man tempts you to do something, you know, you shouldn't be doing, shut it down and

00:27:50.740 instead do something else. What you're, you're, you're elevated man. I haven't thought about what

00:27:55.380 it was called, but, but I would say maybe you're like your elevated version of yourself or your

00:27:59.320 future version of yourself. Maybe it's a contract with a future version of you.

00:28:03.860 So you're, you're, you're trying to decide you've got, you've got these choices that you could make

00:28:07.520 at the end of the day. Do you sit down and grab a beer and sit your ass on the couch for the next 0.99

00:28:10.780 three hours? That's what the natural man would do because he's tired and he's lazy and he's pathetic 1.00

00:28:14.780 and he just wants to relax. Or do you negotiate with the future version of yourself, get him involved 0.96

00:28:21.800 in the mix and say, what would the future version of Steve or John or Joe or Ryan do? And that's the guy I

00:28:27.080 want to listen to, not the natural man, the future version of myself. And that guy would go play with

00:28:32.200 his kids. That guy would drink a bunch of water instead of the beer. That guy would turn the TV

00:28:37.440 off and go have conversations with people. That's what that guy would do. So let that guy get involved.

00:28:44.220 And when he does, you're going to start to feel comfortable about who you are and your desire and

00:28:49.000 your need to fit in with everybody else is going to be irrelevant. I know that I'm a little quirky.

00:28:55.040 I know that I can be a little strange to other people at times. I know that, frankly, I have a

00:29:00.540 hard time relating with other people and they have a hard time relating with me at times. I can be

00:29:05.220 relatable, sure. But by default, I'm just kind of this quirky individual as we all are. We're all like

00:29:14.320 that. Everybody's like that. It's just a difference of whether or not you feel... And by the way,

00:29:19.840 the people that want others or that others want to be around are the ones that have embraced some of

00:29:26.180 those quirkiness and attributes and things that you have going on. That's the irony of the thing

00:29:33.180 is that the more you try to fit in, the less you will. But the less you try to fit in, the more

00:29:37.040 comfortable you are because you win those battles with yourself, the more other people want to be

00:29:40.580 around you. It's kind of a cruel irony, but it is what it is. Okay. So guys, there's my five

00:29:45.960 lessons that I learned, again, not in 40 years, I would say in six years. And they have been

00:29:51.440 invaluable in my life over the past five, six years as we've grown order of man and I've grown

00:29:57.440 my family and we've moved across the country and we've started other businesses and engaged in new

00:30:03.140 hobbies and activities and interests. These have been invaluable. Let's recap. Number one, plan every

00:30:07.820 single day. Yes, even the weekends. Number two, learn from the best. They're around you. You don't have

00:30:12.900 to start a podcast to learn from the best. If you want to, cool. I commend you. And I encourage you

00:30:17.940 to do that. But there's other people in your circle that might already be in your circle that

00:30:22.680 you've never reached out to, or might be just outside of your circle. And if you were a little

00:30:26.000 bit creative and took some initiative, you can find out who those individuals are and connect with them.

00:30:30.360 Number three, find a cause greater than yourself. It's got to be bigger than yourself because there's

00:30:35.260 going to be some crap you're going to have to go through. And if it's not bigger than yourself, 0.94

00:30:37.660 you won't go through it. You'll sit on the sideline. Number four, set that bullshit detector to

00:30:41.920 sensitive. Don't deal with the drama. Don't deal with the baggage. Don't deal with the jerks. 1.00

00:30:48.960 Don't do it. Don't do things that don't bring you joy, or again, at least lead to it. Set that 0.99

00:30:54.060 detector to sensitive. And then number five, begin to get comfortable with where you are, who you are,

00:31:01.500 how you're showing up. And you do that by shutting down the natural man and winning the battle

00:31:06.880 with the elevated man or the future man, the future version of yourself. Okay. All right,

00:31:12.920 guys, as we sign off a couple of things, check out the battle planner. We've got this in the store,

00:31:16.780 store.orderman.com. If you want the written version, if you're more interested in the battle

00:31:20.540 planning app on both Android and Apple devices, you can go to 12, the number 12, 12weekbattleplanner.com.

00:31:27.640 And you can download that. There's a free version and an upgraded version. Also, if you're a member of

00:31:31.820 the Iron Council, the battle planning app is included in your membership. So if you're on

00:31:36.200 the fence about that, get off the fence. Maybe that's a lesson number six, no sitting the fence,

00:31:40.900 make some choices, choose a side, pick a side, make the choice, get off the fence. And so if you're on

00:31:46.200 the fence about the Iron Council, join the Iron Council, not only are you going to have the

00:31:49.100 accountability and the brotherhood and the camaraderie, but you're also going to have access

00:31:52.300 to the battle planning app. Other than that, leave a rating and review, share with other people,

00:31:57.600 what you're listening to and what you're getting value from. Share with me, shoot me a message,

00:32:01.480 Instagram is the best place, guys. I'm really trying to blow up the Instagram account right

00:32:04.880 now. I think we're at 80, I don't know, 86, 85,000, somewhere in there. Let's hit that 100,000

00:32:11.560 mark. And we can do that by sharing, reposting, taking screenshots, mentioning, commenting,

00:32:17.320 engaging with me. Let's blow this thing up. Culture needs it. Society needs it. And it's up to us.

00:32:23.000 You know, we're men. When things go south, people look to us. So let's not wait until it gets bad

00:32:27.820 or catastrophic. Let's deal with it now. And we do that through the mission and the cause of what

00:32:32.020 we're doing here to reclaim and restore masculinity. All right, guys, we'll be back next week. Until

00:32:36.800 then, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening

00:32:40.980 to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man

00:32:45.840 you are meant to be, we invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - April 09, 2021

Life Lessons Learned at 40 ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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