Order of Man - Living with No Regrets, Re-Inventing Yourself, and Raising Boys with ADHD

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up, brother? Good to see you, man.

00:00:26.580 Good to see you, man. Are you representing Echo? Is that an Echo shirt or an Epsilon shirt? That's

00:00:31.380 an Echo shirt, right? Yeah. Can I still wear these if I'm not on the teams? Like all the guys in Iron

00:00:36.060 Council will be upset that I'm not. That's up to you. You know, here's the deal. I can't make that

00:00:39.880 decision. You guys send me a shirt of your teams, team shirts, and I'll wear them. They're all

00:00:46.520 awesome. You can't be using the podcast to solicit free shit. Come on now, man. I'm like,

00:00:53.260 how many teams do we have? Oh, 28 or so. Maybe 20 free shirts. Yeah. Dude, you have one for almost

00:01:02.180 one for every day of the month. Done. Free stuff for Kip. You know, it's funny because a lot of

00:01:07.580 people actually reach out to me. I don't know if they've started to reach out to you yet. They will.

00:01:11.760 You know, they want to give you their hats and their shirts and their this and their that. And look,

00:01:16.440 I really appreciate it. It's just hard because I never know what strings are attached, you know,

00:01:21.720 like what they want me to share and what they want me to promote and how they want me to promote it.

00:01:26.520 And I have some people who are like very specific about what they want me to say. I'm like, dude,

00:01:32.540 I just thought you wanted to send me a shirt because you liked what we were doing.

00:01:36.200 So yeah, because you really supported us. Yeah. So I've been a little bit more selective these days

00:01:41.900 about, you know, what people send me and what their angle is. Yeah. I could totally see,

00:01:48.500 you know, you're like, you get a bunch of swag and you're like, oh, that's awesome. And then all

00:01:51.780 of a sudden, hey, Ryan, this is Bob. I'm in Maine right now, man. Do you want to? And you're

00:01:56.740 like, what? You're now you're on my doorstep. You want to crash, you know? And I have people who

00:02:03.100 are like who live or who visit, you know, an hour and a half away and they'll call me 24 hours early

00:02:08.180 and they're like, hey, I'm in Portland. Can you come down here and visit? I'm like, no,

00:02:13.280 that's an hour and a half from where I live. And that's tomorrow I'm working. I mean,

00:02:19.240 I appreciate you being on vacation, but yeah. Yeah. I look, you know, you don't want to look

00:02:25.160 a gift horse in the mouth. Right. But, but you kind of do, you know, it's, it's kind of getting

00:02:30.240 to that point a little bit, which look, bottom line here, I'm not complaining at all, but bottom

00:02:35.120 line here is I just, I really appreciate the support. Everybody's bought into what we're doing

00:02:39.120 and it's very cool to see. I'm excited about where we're going and the trajectory of what we've

00:02:43.040 seen. A little bit of a sign of success. It is. It's just, um, it is, but it's also,

00:02:48.980 you know, here's a pretty good lesson too, is like, it's also pretty good to exercise some

00:02:52.940 discernment, you know, not, you don't need to say yes to everything. You don't need to be available

00:02:57.720 to everybody and you don't need to make other people's priorities, your priorities. So as much

00:03:04.920 as you can be gracious and excited about what people offer, you still have to be protective

00:03:08.440 of your own time so that you can continue to do what it is you want to do, whether it's

00:03:13.020 doing this podcast or being engaged with your family or any number of priorities that you

00:03:17.700 have. If you say yes to something else, then something else has to give. And usually it's

00:03:23.120 a priority of yours. So you just, you'd be as protective as you need to be to make sure

00:03:27.220 everybody gets served to the best of your ability. And that's all you can do.

00:03:31.400 Yeah, totally. I liked, um, this on today's pod or yesterday's podcast with the founder

00:03:39.920 of GORUCK. He said, you know, show me, he said, show me a guy's calendar and I'll, you

00:03:44.820 know, you'll show me his priority or whatever.

00:03:47.260 Yeah. I think he said his calendar and his bank account, if I remember correctly. Right.

00:03:51.220 So everybody talks about what, Oh, my family, they're the most important thing. And then you

00:03:54.580 look at your calendar. There's never been a family vacation. You look at their expenses and

00:03:58.880 it's all on, you know, booze and their own activities and hunting trips. And it's never,

00:04:03.140 you know, like I said, a family vacation or something like that. Like, okay, well, you

00:04:07.200 say that's your priority, but I don't know if that really is.

00:04:10.660 Well, and, and, and I liked the idea, at least from my perspective is, you know, I'm intentional

00:04:14.760 about work. Am I intentional about my family? Right. Am I scheduling that time for them and

00:04:20.160 making them a priority as well versus, Oh, I have free time. Now it's family time. Right.

00:04:24.900 That's actually why a lot of the reason you'll see on Instagram, the things that I post

00:04:28.800 are primarily, I would say like 70 to 80% family related, you know, cause you have the Gary

00:04:35.100 Vaynerchuks of the world and nothing against what he's doing. Phenomenal stuff, but you

00:04:39.160 know, you can get all the business motivation and inspiration you need. But I think the greater

00:04:44.640 risk is a man not turning back to his family, his wife, his kids. That's the greater risk.

00:04:49.900 The risk for a, generally for a man is not that he'll overwork, you know, or, or excuse

00:04:56.400 me, not, I should say the greater risk for a man is not that he'll under work. It's that

00:05:02.160 he'll underperform at home. That's the greater risk.

00:05:04.940 And that's where, and that's the greater risk of regret. I think in the grand scheme of things,

00:05:11.060 right? We drop that ball.

00:05:12.760 Yeah. Look at people on their deathbed, you know, like what, what do they say? You know,

00:05:19.640 they don't say, Oh, I wish I would have worked a few more hours, you know, or I wish I would

00:05:23.620 have put Saturdays in at work. Like, I wish I would have made it to my son's baseball game

00:05:29.240 and my dad, daughter's dance recital, or, you know, just spent a little bit more time on

00:05:33.500 my wife or even guys who are going through separations and divorces. They aren't saying,

00:05:37.240 man, I just, I just didn't work enough. Yeah. Right. They're like, I just didn't pay her

00:05:45.540 enough attention. So you don't look, a lot of people say, and I've had questions like

00:05:50.860 this. They'll say, you know, at what point didn't you change? And for me, and I think

00:05:56.000 probably you Kip as well, when do you begin to change when the pain of what you're experiencing

00:06:01.400 is greater than the pain of changing. So for me, it was hitting rock bottom with my wife and

00:06:06.540 going through our separation. And it was quite literally the darkest, most miserable time in my

00:06:12.300 life. And that's when I began to change. But look, guys, you're listening to this. You don't need to

00:06:18.100 wait for that to happen. Just please, if anything, like, look here, this is a weird thing to say, but

00:06:24.660 look at me as a time traveler. Kip, look at you as a time traveler. Okay. You and I have made plenty

00:06:30.420 of mistakes, business mistakes, personal mistakes, relational mistakes, plenty of mistakes.

00:06:35.240 And guys, if you follow in our footsteps, you're going to find yourself in the same position where

00:06:43.040 we are your future. So you can either say, okay, well, yeah, I'm going to do what he does

00:06:48.680 and, and fall into the same pit. Or you're going to say, oh yeah, that was stupid. I'm not going to

00:06:53.380 step there. And so you don't have to learn from your mistakes. In fact, you should be learning from

00:06:58.920 our mistakes. That's why we do this podcast. It's like, here's where we effed up. Don't do that.

00:07:05.320 Too many of you though, unfortunately will like not believe us and you'll step into the same trap.

00:07:10.160 And because you want to, you want to feel the pain or something, I don't know, but, uh,

00:07:14.360 you're stubborn or you're driven by ego. Yeah, totally. Or if you don't mind me adding to that

00:07:19.020 distinction, I don't think it's don't believe us. It's you think your scenario is unique.

00:07:25.260 That's interesting. Yeah. My situation. Nobody's ever dealt with this. It's not exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

00:07:30.100 It's the phrase I love. It's like, uh, those despair posters. You have all these snowflakes

00:07:36.860 falling. It says, remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Right. Right. And it's the

00:07:43.060 truth. We think, oh, my situation's unique. You're like, actually not really. Yeah. Right. Like

00:07:47.820 it's very simple still. Right. I mean, look, based on our conversations we've had, there's six

00:07:53.320 categories. Maybe I'm just kind of throwing that as an arbitrary number. There's half a dozen,

00:07:57.600 half a dozen categories that men's problems fall into. They're not disciplined. And there's a lot

00:08:04.360 of different words for that consistency, lazy, whatever, but discipline. Okay. That's number

00:08:08.640 one. Yeah. Right. Procrastination. Sure. Uh, they have, uh, marital problems. So they're not engaged

00:08:17.280 with their wife to the degree that they want. They lack confidence, which means that are not doing the

00:08:22.280 work that could actually go back to discipline. They're not doing the work they know they should

00:08:25.140 be doing. Uh, they have, uh, fitness issues, consistency. I mean, it's all coming back to

00:08:31.740 discipline. Yeah. Yeah. Like if, if you were disciplined and I would say not only discipline,

00:08:37.480 but the integrity gap that we've talked a lot about, right. Yep. Look, you and I Kip, we're not

00:08:43.100 some, some, some amazing profits that are, that are, uh, disclosing information. Well, I'll speak for

00:08:48.000 myself. Sorry. I don't want to speak for you. Oh, okay. I'm not an amazing profit that is going to

00:08:53.280 disclose any information that you're not already aware of. Sorry, guys. Like if that's what you're

00:08:57.080 looking for, probably don't subscribe to the podcast. I'm just going to keep like banging

00:09:01.200 you over the head with the proverbial hammer until you finally get it. And if I can't get it done,

00:09:06.420 then life is going to kick you in the dick and do it for you. Or you could just listen and say,

00:09:11.260 oh yeah, Ryan stepped in that pitfall and he said, don't do that. So maybe I should not do that.

00:09:15.860 Totally. Yeah. All right. There's our, there's our complimentary.

00:09:21.960 We're done. That's all you need to know. Just be disciplined guys. Just do it.

00:09:27.180 And if you don't have discipline, just get this. And it's discipline in a can.

00:09:31.080 That better be water in there, Kip. It better be water in there.

00:09:35.280 Artificial discipline. Let's give a shout out to origin. All right. We'll talk about origin

00:09:39.260 for sure. They, they, they did that. Uh, and then let's give a shout out to JP Donnell,

00:09:44.740 my good friend, JP Donnell. All right. Look, I think there's six flavors, five or six discipline,

00:09:49.660 go flavors from origin at this point, or technically Jocko fuels, which is division of

00:09:54.040 origin. Uh, JP's is the best man. Sour, apple sniper. It's the best Jocko Palmer, whatever,

00:10:02.920 what I don't even know what their other flavors are. Cause it just doesn't matter. Sour,

00:10:06.700 apple sniper is the way to go.

00:10:08.840 Sour, apple sniper. Yeah. Physical cognitive force multiplier.

00:10:13.100 They're great marketers. They are great marketers. And I love, I love all of it. It's so funny.

00:10:21.540 Like one is like Tropic Thunder. I think one flavor is called Tropic Thunder. Jocko Palmer,

00:10:28.620 Dak Savage. It's funny. Cause guys are like, Jocko doesn't care how he looks.

00:10:34.600 Really? Really? The can is black. They know marketing. All right. Every, every Monday when

00:10:43.860 he does his Instagram post, he gets in a little dark room and he looks off to the side like this

00:10:50.480 and then he looks at the camera light onto his face. You telling me he doesn't know what he's

00:10:55.620 doing. Come on. The man knows what he's doing and I'm not dissing him. I'm saying he knows what

00:11:00.440 he's doing. Yeah. He's crafty. Nope. So I will disclose, I will disclose and maybe Pete and Brian

00:11:09.640 will be upset about this, but so, you know, I don't even know if they listen to the podcast. So

00:11:14.960 we'll find out. All right. There's, there's a new, there's a new, I know you do because you just told

00:11:22.200 me about yesterday's episode. Hey, I got to stay up on top of the times. There's a, uh, a new flavor.

00:11:29.880 They're working, uh, a couple new ones. One I'll disclose one. I won't. Uh, I think they're

00:11:35.620 working on one from good deal. Dave, Dave Burke. If you guys aren't familiar with him, top gun

00:11:40.280 instructor all around bad-ass. Uh, I think it's called, what do they call it? Something like

00:11:46.700 afterburner orange or some, some, some orange afterburner afterburner orange or something,

00:11:52.520 which is cool. Yeah. And then there's another one that I was able to sample. That was delicious.

00:11:59.580 If you went into my Instagram feed, you might be able to figure out who it's with.

00:12:06.600 And that's all I'll say about it. Like on your feed or like in your stories. I'm not even sure

00:12:12.260 if I understand. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Well, here, let me follow you on

00:12:15.920 Instagram. So what's your, what's your Instagram? I don't have Instagram. I'm not on Instagram.

00:12:22.380 He's on the Insta. I know you are on the Instas at Ryan Mickler. All right. Oh, let's get into

00:12:28.680 the questions. Nobody cares about this post. This really dangerous post of this dad, almost running

00:12:32.720 over his small son in a power wheel that she's so dangerous. Oh boy. So dangerous. Oh my goodness.

00:12:41.720 Look, that's the distinct, but that was a woman. And I actually don't, I'm not mad at her. You know,

00:12:47.800 she's like, Oh, that's cute, but it's dangerous. Yeah. Spoken like a woman. Yep. And look, I'm not

00:12:54.400 saying that negatively, by the way, that's your job to nurture, to support, to love, to make sure. Yeah.

00:13:00.660 Yeah. Right. And, and women are more inclined to be, um, to, to seek after security by, by their

00:13:08.160 nature, nothing wrong with it. Yeah. Men are more inclined to take risks by their very nature. So

00:13:13.600 this is why men and women. And I said in the post, I think men and women are complimentary,

00:13:20.260 not competitive. We're not competing against each other. We're complimenting each other. So

00:13:24.700 totally. Yeah. To read that post and others, go to Ryan Mickler on Twitter and Instagram.

00:13:31.680 There was a funny, a funny comment somebody made and I was hesitant to share it because it sounds so

00:13:36.180 sappy, but I'm like, the more I think about it, I'm like, that's interesting. Compete is basically the

00:13:44.260 same word without L, which stands for love. So complete, complete. And I'm like, that sounds totally

00:13:52.720 sappy. Like that's lame. But I was, when the guy wrote it, I'm like, I'm like, that's so lame. I

00:13:59.920 can't even, can't even like get excited about that. But I'm like, that's interesting. It isn't,

00:14:05.400 it's not compete. What is the difference? Love, right? Cooperation. I care about you. It's care,

00:14:09.720 right? I care about this individual. And then you complete. Yeah. And then, yeah, exact. That's

00:14:13.920 what it is. You complete. And so you work together. I kind of do too. You're way more sappy than I am,

00:14:18.500 but for sure. Whatever. I'm going to use it tonight. Can we erase that? I'm going to talk

00:14:24.380 to the wife. I'll be like, you know what? I think we compete sometimes, but I now realize

00:14:31.200 you complete me because that L would be added. Would it add love to us competing with each

00:14:37.820 other? It completes us. I regret saying anything about that. Cody, Cody, if you're listening to

00:14:44.920 this podcast as our podcast editor, please, please delete this out of the podcast.

00:14:50.640 You assume Cody even listens. He's joking.

00:14:53.980 I do assume that. I mean, I pay him to listen. So I do assume he does.

00:14:59.420 He better be. Yeah. Yeah.

00:15:01.600 All right. Let's go.

00:15:02.960 Oh, all right. So these questions from the Iron Council to learn more about the Iron Council,

00:15:08.440 our exclusive brotherhood, go to orderofman.com slash Iron Council. First question, Tom Tuff.

00:15:14.920 What do you both, you, Ryan, and you, Kip, want to be able to say about your life when you're 90?

00:15:22.140 This is easy for me. So easy. I've thought about this a lot. That I tried everything that came into

00:15:29.360 my mind. That's it. Like, not that I did it or did it, I should say, not that I did it successfully.

00:15:37.360 Not that I completed it. Not that I was this huge, miraculous success, but that if I had an idea or a

00:15:44.680 thought or some sort of passion, man, try it, give it a shot, see where it goes. And if you only do it

00:15:51.080 once and you hate it, cool. If you do it once and you fail, if it sounds interesting, go back. But

00:15:55.500 the biggest thing for me is that if it comes to mind, I owe it to myself. And frankly, as a spiritual

00:16:01.100 man, I owe it to my creator who planted that thought in my mind to pursue that to some degree.

00:16:07.040 I like that. Probably not the best advice for every guy because some guys have stuff in their

00:16:12.940 mind come into their mind and they should not be acting upon it.

00:16:16.420 Well, yes, but look, let's use some discernment here. No, it's not. No, it's not. I have thoughts

00:16:22.880 that come into my mind that are not thoughts that would be suitable for this podcast, especially

00:16:27.700 considering some of you guys have your young sons listening. Okay. But, but surely in the age of

00:16:34.820 social media and distraction and short attention spans, our audience is capable of the discernment

00:16:41.500 that the most of the population is not. So guys, I'm not giving you a free pass here. Okay.

00:16:47.240 I said, try anything comes to my mind. He's ordered a man. This is what we do.

00:16:51.900 Exercise some discernment. You know what the hell I'm saying. Yeah. Don't be dumb.

00:16:56.620 Proceed. At 90, I'm assuming I'm almost dead. And so I'm just going to push this to what do I hope

00:17:06.080 I'll look at my life and it's not have regret, which is a flavor of, of yours. I don't know if

00:17:12.960 it's so much if I'd have regret, like I never tried that, but I don't want to have regret as in I wasted

00:17:19.320 my time. I want to feel like I lived a complete life. I took advantage of the opportunity that was

00:17:26.860 presented to me and I didn't waste. Um, I didn't waste it on things that were trivial. Right. And I,

00:17:34.300 and I dedicated my life enough to something that is impactful to my family and, and those I love.

00:17:39.600 Regret is my number one thing. I just don't want regret. I like it. I mean, you really just stole

00:17:46.440 mine. So not acting, not acting on my thought process is how I don't have regret. That's a good

00:17:54.060 point. That actually might be more mature than, than my level of thinking. Do everything, do it all.

00:18:01.880 All right. I like it. Next question. All right. Evan Berwick. How do you diversify your information

00:18:09.600 pool so that you guard against confirmation bias? Also, do you have any podcast recommendations that

00:18:15.320 are led by women? I'm looking for more diversity. Okay. So the way you diversify it is the end that

00:18:24.180 the answer is in the question. You just diversify it. So if you hear a conservative talking point,

00:18:28.180 you find the, the counter argument to it. If you hear about, you know, this type of workout,

00:18:33.660 then you research other type of workouts. The answer is quite literally the question.

00:18:38.400 Uh, so it's very important that you, that you search for that, but there's one little tactic

00:18:42.880 that I've used and I've employed, and this actually makes a lot of sense in light of, and this has gotten

00:18:47.720 people riled up because I made a post about it on Instagram earlier today in light of Trump's tax,

00:18:54.980 uh, records being released. I don't want to get political here. All I want to say is just wait a

00:19:04.820 second. That's it. Just wait a second. All right. Let it filter through the media. Let it filter through

00:19:12.840 the socials. Let it filter through all the processes and places that it's going to filter through.

00:19:17.700 And then you can make your decisions. I'm guilty of it too. We all are, but we hear one little thing

00:19:25.000 in the media or one little thing in the news or one little thing on social media, and we get all

00:19:29.180 hopped up and riled up and bothered. And then two days later we realize, well, that actually wasn't

00:19:35.740 the story at all. Like here's the new information. We see that with, uh, things from, uh, racist claims

00:19:43.660 to criminal activity, to tax documents being released. And everybody gets all emotional and

00:19:50.000 all hot and bothered. And they bicker and they bitch at each other. And then two days later,

00:19:54.100 something comes out and it's like, Oh, everything I just got upset about wasn't actually accurate.

00:20:00.220 So if you're going to be intelligent and you're going to try to be thoughtful,

00:20:04.180 like I assume most of the men here are don't take the bait guys. That's what it is. Don't take the

00:20:12.200 bait. Just detach. All right. I realized there's a lot of things going on right now that might

00:20:17.880 infuriate you and frustrate you. Don't take the bait. Just look, it's a bright, shiny object.

00:20:24.020 And there's somebody up there throwing that bait into the pond. You're the fish and they're throwing

00:20:28.500 it in there. Are you going to be the one, the wise fish, you know, that kind of looks back and says,

00:20:33.100 eh, something off about that a little bit. Or are you going to be the young little immature

00:20:37.380 fish that sees it and bites it just because it's bright and shiny? Just wait, exercise some

00:20:45.000 discretion, exercise some discernment, put it through the 48 hour, the 72 hour test and try to

00:20:51.660 curb the emotions. Think about it rationally and just chill out for two to three days. And then,

00:20:59.820 okay, let me revisit this now. That actually leads into the next point. And this is not so

00:21:04.580 much politically related, but it could be is we don't chase fads. All right. We don't chase fads.

00:21:12.460 There's look at diet, for example, there's keto diets. I don't know if you remember the,

00:21:16.280 I think it was called the HCG diet. If I remember correctly, this was years ago, maybe, maybe seven,

00:21:21.560 eight years ago. And people would give themselves a shot. And then they would.

00:21:24.720 Human growth hormone, like HGH. It was, I think it was called HCG diet. I can't remember,

00:21:30.880 but they would give themselves a shot and then they would starve themselves. And then there was

00:21:35.260 the Atkins diet before that. And then there's keto and paleo and this and that it's like,

00:21:39.660 hold up. All right. Humans have been on the planet for, and this is arguable here in our current form

00:21:46.880 for hundreds of thousands of years, right? Homeosapiens, homosapiens, excuse me, for hundreds of

00:21:51.880 thousands of years. What are the odds that in the next, you know, three, in the last three years

00:21:58.420 that we've developed the perfect formula for human potential? So perfect example, that is cereal.

00:22:06.040 How did cereal start? Because Oh, grains and heavy carbs for breakfast was deemed like necessity and

00:22:14.440 healthy. Right. Yeah. And we know, like we know, look, if you're being, if you're being objective,

00:22:20.000 you know that that box of honey oats or even raisin bran or even worse, lucky charms, you know,

00:22:29.240 come on. Yeah. You don't need to look at the label. I mean, that's probably okay.

00:22:33.480 That's safe. Count Dracula is coming up for Halloween. You're safe with that, but everything

00:22:37.920 else, count Dracula and fruity pebbles. Now I will not eat tricks and I'll tell you why I won't eat

00:22:44.900 tricks. A very little known fact about Mr. Ryan Mickler. I must've been eight or nine years old.

00:22:50.420 I was, I remember it like it was yesterday. I had a bowl of tricks. I'm eating my tricks. I'm in the

00:22:55.540 living room watching, you know, Saturday morning cartoons. I take a bite, put it in my mouth, eat it.

00:23:01.580 I look down and a freaking spider crawls out of my cereal ball. I will never, ever eat tricks

00:23:10.860 for the rest of my life ever. It was a spider for sure. I mean, yeah, I'm sure it was whoever

00:23:16.280 made that cereal that got the spider in there. No, it was a real, it wasn't a fake spider. It was a

00:23:22.360 real, it was like a daddy long legs and he was crawling out of the bowl. I will never, I can't,

00:23:28.940 it just, I find tricks repulsive because of that. That's funny. Speaking of like conditioning.

00:23:35.060 Anyways, what was the question? Just be level-headed guys. Just be level-headed. Don't

00:23:41.860 be stupid. Don't be overly emotional. Just level-headed, detached, go to the woods for a

00:23:49.800 couple of days. Then when you come back, if it's still going on, okay, maybe there's something to

00:23:54.920 this. Let me evaluate it. Yeah. I would like to add two thoughts. One is anyone that's a professional

00:24:01.900 at what they do. You realize that it's always complex. The answer is always, it depends,

00:24:10.060 right? Like if you know someone that specializes in nutrition, their answer isn't it's keto. No,

00:24:16.080 it's like, well, what are you trying to accomplish? What are you doing? No, I know, but look, I'm going

00:24:21.160 to let you keep going on this, Kip. I'm going to let you keep riffing on this, but I actually don't

00:24:24.740 agree with you. Okay. All right. And let me just tell you why I don't agree. And then I want to,

00:24:29.180 no, I want to tell you, I'm going to give you what you can defend here. It's not complex.

00:24:35.400 Just eat healthy. All right. Eat your, eat your meats in moderation, eat your fruits and eat your

00:24:41.340 vegetables and drink lots of water. That is the answer for a hundred percent of people,

00:24:45.160 but continue. And you can debate that point. Okay. Well, and maybe I shouldn't use nutrition

00:24:50.660 as the example, but, but the point is everyone has, we simplify everything. And, and when we come to

00:24:58.080 a conclusion quickly, I think that's a sign of lazy thought process and not thinking it through.

00:25:05.800 So when I hear, Oh, Trump doesn't pay taxes. Oh, well, hold on. Like what's the details? What's

00:25:13.280 the information? What's the timeline? Like it's trust me, there's more data to the scenario. And,

00:25:20.060 and most things in life aren't as simple as ripping troops out of the middle East and bringing them home.

00:25:25.780 It's not that simple. There's more things that play. There's, there's repercussions for the

00:25:31.280 decisions we make. Like, and so I think a great way that I like to diversify my understanding of

00:25:37.300 things is don't be so quick to come to a conclusion. Breonna Taylor gets shot, racist cop shoots woman in

00:25:44.260 bed. That's, that's the narrative. We all, we have all heard that narrative. And then we just immediately

00:25:49.300 hold onto it. Well, what's the details? What's the information like it, but yet we don't do that

00:25:55.160 because I think most of us are too lazy to actually just like, don't come to a conclusion and realize

00:26:00.120 there's more information to everything. And we shouldn't be so quick. And I'm trying not to say

00:26:04.940 the word too quick to judge because you should be judging, but coming to a conclusion, conclusion

00:26:09.880 quickly could be really dangerous. And we should realize that sometimes things are a little bit more

00:26:14.220 complex than we realize. So I do agree. It's a good example, but you get what I'm saying.

00:26:20.000 Yes, totally. Totally. I don't think we're all that. I don't, I don't think we're off at all.

00:26:24.340 I think what people tend to do is they tend to shortcut and we tend to be very tribal,

00:26:28.220 right? So look, if you were on my group says this, yeah, right. And if you were on my team,

00:26:33.240 Kip, you know, even if you did something stupid, I'm still going to defend you because you're on my team.

00:26:38.120 And so I'm going to try to make sure that, you know, you're okay. And that things are taken care of.

00:26:41.560 And so that might mean that I need to lie to myself a little bit or, or, you know, distort the

00:26:46.000 truth or withhold something because you're on my team and I got to protect you. And so we've become

00:26:50.060 so tribal that, you know, conservative, Christian, atheist, non-denominational, libertarian, liberal,

00:26:58.220 you know, it's like, that's the camp I fall into. So I can't question, right? I can't, I can't

00:27:02.780 question at all. So, so I like what you're saying. The thing that I wrote down here is, is having a

00:27:06.940 healthy dose of, of, of, uh, pessimism and not just towards the other side, but towards

00:27:13.400 your side too. So my wife and I, one of the things that we'll do every couple of days is we'll have

00:27:19.380 lunch together. We'll sit down. And usually when we have lunch together, we sit at the kitchen table

00:27:23.680 and we'll throw on Tucker Carlson. Cause I enjoy what he has to say. And then the dance, right.

00:27:30.400 But, but I actually, what dance are you talking about? Garth Brooks. Oh, okay. I'm just making

00:27:36.580 sure you're not talking about something else with my wife and I here. Um, so we listen to Tucker now.

00:27:44.620 Come on, let me just stay on my point. I'm sorry, man. I like in a joking mood.

00:27:49.740 I can see that. So we'll listen to Tucker. I actually make a conscious effort to think about

00:27:57.240 where I don't agree with him. I'm like, no, I don't agree with that because of dot, dot, dot.

00:28:02.700 I have to do that as somebody who wants to be as objective as possible. And look, I understand I have

00:28:07.840 my own biases. People say that on, on, on the socials. Oh, you're so clearly biased. Yeah.

00:28:13.500 Obviously I'm a human being. You're biased too. We're all biased. I consciously do try,

00:28:19.780 believe it or not, to make an effort to say, okay, well, why don't I believe that?

00:28:23.180 Even if it's somebody on my quote unquote team, I don't, I don't, I'm not so worried about the team

00:28:30.120 as much as I am just like getting the right information and making sure that it's going

00:28:33.840 to serve me and the people I care about. Totally. And news outlets are like, are not ideal

00:28:41.140 for not, for not coming to your own conclusion. Right. Well, we ought to just start using the term,

00:28:48.260 stop using the term news and journalism. And I'm talking about CNN, MSNBC, Fox. I'm talking about

00:28:54.760 all of it. Yeah. And, and just entertainment. It's all it is. Entertainment. Totally. Totally.

00:29:00.800 And the, one of my favorite example, and we are, we all have examples, but one of my favorite examples

00:29:05.340 is I was living in New York and, uh, at the time we had family in Utah. Like, oh my gosh,

00:29:12.120 do you hear the news about the, there's a mosque being built at, uh, what, what ground zero right

00:29:19.900 at ground zero. And people are upset about it and they're protesting because it's, it's, uh,

00:29:24.960 insensitive or whatever. Right. Despite the fact that it's like, Hey, freedom of religion,

00:29:28.900 guys, like, but regardless, it had some hype around it. Asia and I were like, I don't remember

00:29:35.180 seeing a mosque back down there. So we go for a walk and we figured it out. It's like four blocks

00:29:41.360 away and it's in a community center and it's a prayer room on like the fourth floor. Right. And

00:29:48.700 it's like, oh my gosh, like, this is the prime example of just complete BS click bait, a narrative.

00:29:58.360 I mean, it's, it's just a permanent example of that. And so I take everything with a grain of salt,

00:30:02.760 especially, um, when it comes to news, right. You just got to like, ah, there's more to it.

00:30:08.180 There's more to it. There's always more to it. Well, and then I actually read the articles that

00:30:12.420 you're looking at because entertainment outlets, we're not going to call them news outlets anymore.

00:30:17.980 I love it actually. Yeah. Are so good at picking the right titles for their articles and you read it

00:30:26.700 and you're like, wait, that title doesn't even line up with the story. I just read anything to do with

00:30:31.360 it. So actually this goes back to your point about being lazy, actually read, read it before you may

00:30:41.180 pass judgment on it. Just read it. That actually will go a long ways. Yeah. Versus share. Oh yeah.

00:30:47.600 This person hates everybody. And then you read it and it's like, oh, they just had an argument with

00:30:52.360 their mother-in-law or something, you know, and it's like, that's how it was anyways. All right.

00:30:57.300 Keep going. Totally. Yeah. It makes me, are we going to keep going? What makes me wonder about

00:31:02.520 the Spotify and Joe Rogan? Right. Oh, there's more of the story. Of course. I know. I hear this is

00:31:07.840 like, oh, Spotify employees are boycotting Joe Rogan or whatever. It's like Joe Rogan sold out. This

00:31:13.700 is that. It's like, hold up a second. How many employees? Two? Yeah. Three employees? Like what's

00:31:19.860 the details? Right. Right. Like I don't know the details. That's lame, man. I can't get outraged if

00:31:25.700 I have the details. That's boring. You're boring, Kip. You look for the details and you try to be

00:31:33.040 level-headed. I know. It's so weird. All right. With all the trackers, goals, plans, et cetera,

00:31:39.760 one can easily become, wait, I should read off his name. Gabe Carrillo. Gabe, I know I pronounced your

00:31:46.600 name right. Two L's? Two L's? Two L's. Carrillo. Carrillo. I'm feeling good about it. All right.

00:31:54.280 With all the trackers, goals, plans, and et cetera, one can easily become goal and results oriented when

00:31:59.600 the real goal is to be better, not just do better. How does one keep in his heart, in check, and know

00:32:07.540 that he is going for good processes, deep relationships, and is still mind versus using

00:32:15.400 these to attain the next goal, or is there a balance, a dichotomy, and et cetera?

00:32:21.160 So there's a scripture. I don't know what scripture it is right offhand. I'm not a scriptural

00:32:27.440 preacher now necessarily. No, but it's true. And that's why the scripture is so powerful. Whether

00:32:33.440 you agree with the spiritual undertones or not, scriptures are powerful. It's all principle.

00:32:40.260 By their fruits, he shall know thee. How do you know? Is it producing good fruit? That's

00:32:48.780 how you know. And if it's producing good fruit, then odds are it's a good system or it's a good

00:32:55.380 process or whatever it is you're engaged in. If it's producing less than favorable results,

00:33:00.300 then you know that that's not a system or process that should be working for you. And that's why

00:33:04.540 it's so important in the planning process that you actually go back and review it. Most men don't do

00:33:10.180 this. And if they have a planning system, it's all focused on goals. Like, like Gabe said, it's all

00:33:15.920 focused on goals and never gets into tactics and never gets into strategy. It certainly doesn't

00:33:19.920 cover the review and process of it. So you need to go back and you need to ask yourself, is this

00:33:25.540 serving me? You know, I think about that, about my activities. A couple of hobbies that I'm really

00:33:29.900 engaged in right now. Obviously we talk about jujitsu every week, right? Very engaged in that.

00:33:34.100 Is that making me a better person? You're damn right. It is. I'm stronger. I'm more capable.

00:33:40.400 I feel better. I'm more fit. Uh, I I'm, I'm certainly more patient. I can deal with adversity

00:33:47.900 better. That's a good practice. The other one that I'm, I'm super engaged in right now, just because

00:33:54.080 I have some hunts coming up is archery every single day for the past, I would say two and a half to

00:33:58.140 three weeks. I'm out there shooting my bow. It could be 20 arrows. It could be a hundred arrows,

00:34:03.560 but every day I'm out there. Is this making me a better person? Yeah, it is. It allows me time to

00:34:09.740 think. It allows me time to focus on the task at hand rather than distraction and learn how to be

00:34:15.060 present. But then it also makes me a better provider. So those are systems that I'm interested

00:34:20.580 in incorporating right now. Now, truth be told, uh, after my last hunt, as of, as of right now,

00:34:25.920 I might have some others come up, but as of my last hunt in November, I will probably not be

00:34:32.100 practicing archery every day because it's just not at that point. It's like, okay, well, now I'm going

00:34:37.280 to dedicate this time to something else because it was just a season, right? Hunting season.

00:34:41.760 That doesn't mean I'm going to let the practice go by the wayside. There's other people who, you know,

00:34:47.380 Cam Haynes is a perfect example. He's practicing every day, all year long. He's running not so he can be a

00:34:52.900 marathon runner, but so that he can be a better hunter. And that is meaningful and significant to

00:34:57.700 him. So when he reviews and asks himself, cause people say all the time to Cam, oh, you don't

00:35:02.780 need to run that much to blah, blah, blah. No, you don't technically need to, but that's what he wants

00:35:07.760 to do. Who are you to tell him that that's not serving him or working him closer to his goals?

00:35:14.020 You know, maybe instead of worrying about him so much or somebody else, you ought to worry more

00:35:17.960 about what you're doing and how it's serving you. So I like experimenting with different procedures

00:35:23.400 and different processes and different hobbies and activities. And then I'm very quick to say,

00:35:28.400 you know what? Not interested. I don't like that. Like I don't have any sort of misconstrued or

00:35:35.700 misperceived sense of loyalty to a certain thing I've tried. Like just cause I try it, I don't feel

00:35:43.140 compelled to continue it. Try something like, oh, that actually worked. I'm going to keep doing that.

00:35:47.420 Or nah, I didn't feel it. I'm going to move on to something else, but by the fruits of you,

00:35:52.160 she'll know thee. And that goes for human beings and it goes for processes and systems as well.

00:35:56.600 Yeah. What I like, what I like about that is know that term to know he, what is that? What is

00:36:07.300 no to know someone and to know them has to do, I think with how they are being in life. Some goals

00:36:15.760 to focus on our circumstances, right? It's like, oh, okay, you know, better my circumstance and

00:36:21.060 include my finances or whatever. But if how you show up in life as a jerk, then guess how you are

00:36:28.600 known as a jerk. Right. Right. And so it's, it's who we are in spite of our circumstances. It's who

00:36:36.640 we become, uh, as a result of us accomplishing our goals or taking after our tactics, not just

00:36:43.720 completing them. Right. And, and that there's hints too, right. And everything that you do,

00:36:48.940 there's hints, you know, there's that old adage that if a woman's going out with a guy and she's

00:36:52.620 mean, he, excuse me, he is mean to the waiter or waitress, excuse me, excuse me. I can't say

00:36:58.040 those terms anymore. The server, because heaven forbid, I attach a gender to it. The server,

00:37:05.120 excuse me. Well, even that's bad. The serve. What are you saying? The servant?

00:37:10.900 I'm just saying the person, the individual, the non-binary individual, the human being. No,

00:37:16.760 I can't say that because some people identify as lizards, right? It's, it's the entity that is

00:37:22.100 giving you your food and taking your order. Is that okay? All right. If, if the guy is

00:37:27.820 rude to that entity, then they're probably not a nice person. Yeah. All right. It's going

00:37:37.140 to leave little clues. The processes and the people you spend time with are going to leave

00:37:41.440 little clues. And that doesn't mean that we don't lose ourselves sometimes. You know, sometimes

00:37:44.960 I'm short with my wife. Does that mean I'm an asshole by definition? No, it means I was just

00:37:49.680 being an asshole in that moment, but there are little clues that you need to be keenly aware of

00:37:56.940 that will paint the accurate picture. Well, again, whether we're talking about people,

00:38:00.460 uh, or we're talking about processes and systems that you're incorporating, there's little clues.

00:38:05.700 And that's why you want to follow successful people and do what they do because they are leaving

00:38:11.060 the clues. When I started the podcast, I, I invested in courses and programs that taught people how to

00:38:18.580 podcast, not from people who'd never podcasted before, but from people who were successful

00:38:23.600 podcasters because they leave clues behind. It's like Hansel and Gretel, little breadcrumbs,

00:38:28.940 right? That, that show you the path. And that's what you need to be in tune with.

00:38:33.360 Totally. And I think that's why what's important is that those visions are not just about results,

00:38:41.540 but it's how you are showing up. At least for me, that, that inspires me of, you know, I, I talk

00:38:48.740 about like in my vision of how I show up in spite of circumstances and I'm, and my personality is,

00:38:55.400 is part of that description, not just, I have lots of money and I do this. It's like, no, no,

00:39:00.060 that's not really in the grand scheme of things. Back to the conversation we had earlier or the

00:39:04.640 question earlier about when we're 90, a lot of that is about how we show up in life. Right. And,

00:39:10.760 and so you want that defined as well in your, in your vision. And for you guys that need assistance

00:39:15.820 with vision, with objectives and with tactics, uh, this is a perfect segue to bring up battle ready,

00:39:23.320 which you guys can look into at order of man.com slash battle ready. It's a 90 day program that will

00:39:28.660 kind of guide you through that entire process. So. Kip, I knew there was a reason I wanted you

00:39:33.540 to be my cohost and a year and a half, two years later, you're starting to actually realize that

00:39:38.320 vision of mine. Finally. Yeah. You are, you are really, really good at segues and transitions.

00:39:44.400 I got to say, and it's impressive. I was impressed right there. But you like call it out and now it's

00:39:49.700 like not authentic. And it's like, you know, that was really good. No, that was really good.

00:39:56.260 Yeah. Sign up. It is still true. You know, I was thinking about that as you were saying,

00:40:00.020 when, who we are in, in moments of difficulty. So this morning I was rolling with my son

00:40:06.160 cause we go train two days a week in the morning and I was rolling with him and he was exhausted.

00:40:12.040 Like he was beat down and him and I were doing an eight minute round and he was like,

00:40:16.540 I'm just exhausted. And I could tell. And I said, stop for a sec. So we stopped and I said,

00:40:22.120 are you tough? Like, do you think you're tough? And he's like, yeah, I think I'm tough. And I said,

00:40:29.080 how do you know that? Yeah. He said, what do you mean? I'm like, how do you know you're tough?

00:40:34.380 Because it's easy to be quote unquote tough when it's easy, when you're not tired, when you're a

00:40:40.580 hundred percent, but does that mean you're walking around? Yeah. Right. So, so does that make,

00:40:45.920 does that make that alone make you tough? It's like, I don't know. I said, no, it doesn't.

00:40:50.300 It doesn't make you tough. What makes you tough is when you're tired and you're beat down and you've

00:40:57.040 got submitted and you're discouraged and you don't want to do it anymore. And you still do it.

00:41:04.340 That's toughness. Toughness requires adversity. It's not the absence of it. It's the presence of

00:41:10.860 it and you still overcoming it. So I need you to be tough for five more minutes because I know you're

00:41:18.340 tired, but this is actually when it counts. And this is actually when you get to prove yourself,

00:41:23.140 but you can't prove yourself unless you get to this point. And he did, he did really good. I was

00:41:28.200 proud of him. He did really good. He stepped up to that challenge and that conversation.

00:41:32.140 And he proved that, yeah, he was a little tougher than when he walked into the gym in the morning,

00:41:37.080 he walked out a little bit tougher because he proved it to himself.

00:41:40.080 Hmm. All right. George Sykes. How does a man set about, how does a man set about reinventing

00:41:50.880 himself when he realizes the version of who he is, is no longer working? Not asking for a friend.

00:41:59.420 Thank you. I hate that phrase. Asking for a friend. No, you're, I mean, I know it's a joke. I get it.

00:42:06.440 All right. You're being funny. I get it. Look, you guys know me. I'm not a funny individual. My

00:42:10.560 wife is like, a lot of times she has to explain jokes to me. Cause I'm like, I don't get it. She's

00:42:13.920 like, you're too boring. You're too literal. Like you'll never understand jokes. I don't,

00:42:19.520 I don't get a lot of jokes because I'm like, what does that mean? I don't get, I don't understand

00:42:22.520 this one. I know you guys are joking, asking for a friend. No, you're not asking for a friend.

00:42:27.060 It's okay to ask for yourself guys. Yeah. This is how we grow. We ask for ourselves. So George,

00:42:32.720 I appreciate that you say you're not asking for a friend and that you generally acknowledge

00:42:36.800 that you're asking for yourself. This is good. All right. What was the question?

00:42:40.900 How do you transform? Yeah. Reinvent yourself, right? Like the way you are is not working.

00:42:47.360 Like, how do you, how do you get to this point of reinventing yourself?

00:42:50.960 Look, you already hit, you already checked off step number one, acknowledge it. You know,

00:42:55.820 like too many guys won't even acknowledge it because they know what comes after the acknowledgement

00:43:01.040 is the hard work. Yeah. Right. So it's like, I know it's bad. I know this is not working. I know

00:43:08.560 I'm miserable in my job. I know I'm overweight. I know I'm in debt. I don't want to talk about it

00:43:13.100 because I know if I talk about it and actually quantify it, then I'm going to have to do something

00:43:17.240 about it. So George, you're at the point now where you took the, you already took the first step.

00:43:21.960 You're, you're already on the path. So here we go. Buckle up. Cause you're on it.

00:43:26.060 What I would say, and I, I hate to be, you know, trite here, but what I would say is the battle

00:43:33.020 plan is the way, you know, you recognize that it's not where you want to be. I say this all the time

00:43:39.360 and guys, it's not a cop-out. This is why we've developed the system because it works. It's proven

00:43:45.240 to work for thousands and quite literally thousands of men. That's really interesting, you know, to think

00:43:51.440 about for thousands of men. They're better off because of the system that we've developed and

00:43:55.600 articulated over the, over nearly six years now. So you've acknowledged who you are is not where

00:44:03.340 you want to be and how you want to show up. So the first quest or the first step now, so I would say

00:44:08.800 this is step two. You've already acknowledged it is to begin to identify who it is that you do want to

00:44:14.920 be. Vision. Cause it's right. Vision. It's not enough to say, I don't want to be that guy anymore.

00:44:22.020 Cause then what we do is we create a vacuum, right? I don't, I don't want to do this activity

00:44:28.020 anymore. Well, okay, good. Keep going. Keep that's, that's not a complete thought. Keep going with it.

00:44:34.560 And the next thought is instead, I want to be this guy. And now we give ourselves a point of reference,

00:44:39.180 a North star, excuse me, something to aim towards step number one. Okay. I want to be

00:44:44.800 that guy. Now, how are you going to do it? How, how exactly are you going to do it? Well,

00:44:53.840 in order to be, I had a guy email me this morning and he said, you know, Ryan I've been going through

00:44:58.460 your battle ready program and I want to get fit and I want to be a good husband to my wife. And I

00:45:03.240 said, you know, I appreciate that. Those aren't, that's, that's a noble thing to say. It's just not

00:45:09.440 specific enough. Yeah. We all, we all want that. Of course I would think, you know, we all want to

00:45:14.740 be fit. We all want to have a good relationship. We all want some money that we all want that.

00:45:17.960 So what does that mean? And how exactly will you begin to quantify that? So if George says,

00:45:23.740 I just, I want to be healthy. Cool. What does that mean? Does that mean you're capable of running a

00:45:29.100 marathon? Does that mean you're capable of dead lifting a certain amount of weight? Does that mean

00:45:35.000 you're a certain body percentage? Does that mean like, what exactly does healthy mean? And by the way,

00:45:41.420 the reason the battle plan works so well is because I'm not telling you to change everything

00:45:45.540 about yourself. Cause how could you do that? You know, how could any man who, who, who's ever lived

00:45:52.020 look at all of the inadequacies that he's acknowledged and recognized in his life and

00:45:56.340 change all of them in the next 90 days. You got to be in this for the longterm. That's why vision

00:46:01.180 is so important. It's like, who do I want to become? And that vision changes, right? It's like a mirage

00:46:06.560 in a way. And I hate to paint it this way, but it's like, you're in the desert and you're thirsty,

00:46:11.760 but you keep walking because if you don't, you'll die. And you see this oasis out in the distance in

00:46:16.240 the desert. And you're like, Oh man, if I just get to that oasis, right. And you walk and you walk

00:46:21.720 and you walk and you finally get to where the oasis was. And the oasis has moved. Now it's 200 yards

00:46:27.120 more. And so you got to keep walking. This is a lot like our vision, right? Our vision is this,

00:46:31.880 but you cannot possibly see what your vision is beyond it until you start to realize your current

00:46:38.300 vision. And we do that in 90 day segments. So I want to be healthy. That doesn't mean that you're

00:46:44.220 10% body fat. You can deadlift with the best of them. You can run a marathon. You can, no,

00:46:50.080 it doesn't mean all of that. All it means is that you're going to lose 30 pounds this quarter.

00:46:55.160 Or if it's financially related, you're going to pay off $5,000 in debt this quarter. You're not

00:47:03.460 going to be debt-free this quarter, but you're going to be $5,000 closer to being debt-free

00:47:09.980 vision. Work yourself backwards into 90 day objectives that push you beyond your comfort

00:47:16.400 zone. They can't be comfortable because if it's comfortable, you would have already done it,

00:47:20.500 right? So you're already doing what's comfortable, which is overeating, paying for things,

00:47:25.120 you can't afford being lazy, participating in activities and behaviors that aren't serving

00:47:30.180 you. You're already doing that because it's comfortable. It's gotta be something that pushes

00:47:33.700 you outside of your comfort zone. Yeah. And then what you do now that you have the metric,

00:47:39.500 the 90 day metric that's moving you towards your vision is you do something daily that works

00:47:45.620 you towards accomplishing your objective. So if it's lose 30 pounds, life is easy now because

00:47:52.040 all you have to do two things, all you have to do is exercise for 45 to 60 minutes per day

00:47:59.420 and not eat any food after 7 PM.

00:48:03.540 That's it. Well, that's not big enough, Ryan. Cool. In 90 days, if you do that, then you can

00:48:12.320 get better and you can mature and you can have more lofty tasks and object. That's fine. In fact,

00:48:17.480 I would encourage you to do that. So maybe it's now you're not just working out for 60 minutes a day.

00:48:24.120 Now you're doing like specific training based on what you want to accomplish. And it's not just not eating

00:48:29.480 after seven. It's cutting out all processed foods out of your diet altogether. These are 90 day

00:48:35.740 segments. And then you have to track it. You have to track it. You can't have any hope of improving

00:48:41.900 or creating a system that's guaranteed to work. If you aren't tracking it on a daily basis. Did I work

00:48:46.700 out for 60 days? It's a yes, or excuse me, 60 minutes. It's a yes, or it's a no. It's a pass fail.

00:48:53.740 It's not a great, it's a pass fail exercise. You either passed or you failed. That's it.

00:49:00.180 And often the pass or failure of that is reason. I think where you need to be unreasonable

00:49:10.340 because guaranteed there's going to be a scenario where it's like, ah, yeah, but I skipped lunch

00:49:15.060 and we had date night and whatever. And so I'm going to eat past seven. Like literally you have to be

00:49:23.380 like, stop, let go of the excuses. Stop using those excuses on those reasons for you not

00:49:30.020 honoring your commitment. Right. And look, here's the thing is there has to be consequences to your

00:49:36.960 decisions. So again, I'm going to go back to me and my oldest son rolling this morning. He got caught

00:49:42.040 a couple of times in the same thing, in the same move, same move over and over again, like two or three

00:49:48.700 times. And I kept doing it to him. And I said, look at, look, does that hurt? And he's like,

00:49:53.120 yeah, I don't, I don't like that. And I said, then stop doing the behavior that's leading you to

00:49:59.720 this result. Cause I would drag his arm across and then I would turn sideways and every, I did it

00:50:08.700 like three or four times in a row. I'm like, does this hurt? He's like, yeah, it hurts. Do you like

00:50:12.760 it? No, I don't stop doing that behavior. Is there any guesswork as this point Brecken as to

00:50:19.760 what happens when I do this? No. And yet you keep doing that behavior. There has to be a consequence

00:50:27.440 for your decision. So to take your scenario, Kip, that you were talking about, um, uh, you know,

00:50:33.900 I, I didn't eat lunch and I did this and we come up with all these excuses that has no relevancy in

00:50:39.840 your, what you said you would do. And if at 7 PM, you're hungry because you didn't eat lunch,

00:50:45.160 maybe tomorrow you'll think about eating lunch and learn and learn, give yourself a painful

00:50:52.300 consequence. In this case, it's not painful. It just means you're going to be hungry for the evening.

00:50:56.220 So what? Everybody can deal with that. And then tomorrow you're like, oh, I was really hungry by,

00:51:00.500 you know, five o'clock yesterday and I didn't eat lunch. So I'm going to actually,

00:51:03.660 you know, bring some snacks to food or to, to work today. Right. This is what we call maturity,

00:51:12.080 evolution, growth, but you can't have growth if you aren't willing to put yourself in painful

00:51:17.220 circumstances and scenarios. Like if you excuse, oh, I didn't eat lunch. So it's okay that I eat at

00:51:22.280 eight o'clock. Well, no, your goal was to not eat after seven period, full stop, no justification

00:51:27.900 after that. And then tomorrow you'll make better decisions because you were hungry today.

00:51:33.280 Totally. Do you believe, do you think that most guys believe that they can reinvent themselves?

00:51:42.180 Like George uses the term reinvent. I actually like invent, like you can create like that. You're

00:51:50.380 actually, you are the creator of yourself. And, and, but do you think people really believe that

00:51:58.440 or, or is it this like lipstick on the pig? Um, I think for most people, reinvention is too lofty.

00:52:08.240 They just want to get a little bit better. And they think that's all that's possible. They,

00:52:12.380 they may not even think that they can really truly invent themselves. It's, it's just a lie.

00:52:17.060 It's a, it's a deceit to themselves. It's like, okay, let's just say for the sake of, of argument,

00:52:24.140 you're, you're 400 pounds and you're like, I want to reinvent myself and I want to be a marathon

00:52:31.520 runner. All right. How long do you think it would take from the thought process of, I want to be a

00:52:39.100 marathon runner to you're 400 pounds overweight. There's no way you'll ever be able to do this.

00:52:45.920 How long do you think that would take for that thought to pass through your mind?

00:52:49.380 Not a day. If that's your Goggins. Yeah. 60 seconds. I mean, you're going to literally

00:52:57.220 second guess almost instantaneously. Yeah. Okay. So now what if you said, okay, you're 400 pounds

00:53:03.480 and you said, I want to get up early tomorrow morning and do 10 pushups and walk around my yard.

00:53:14.260 How long before you talk yourself out of that? I don't, if you were really convicted, I don't

00:53:22.120 think you could ever talk yourself out of that. Yeah. It's simple enough. Anyone can do that.

00:53:26.220 Yeah. And, but then the opposite guys will say, but that's not good enough for a guy who's 400

00:53:30.260 pounds that wants to say, it's not big enough. Bullshit, man. It's better than you were yesterday.

00:53:36.980 Okay. And also there's tomorrow. Yeah. So don't look, I'm not saying that you should take the easy

00:53:44.400 route. I'm not talking about participation trophies here because you're actually better than you were

00:53:49.280 yesterday. And then when you do that, you're going to feel good. You're gonna be like, man,

00:53:53.360 I've never done that before in my entire life. Potentially. I've never done that. And I did it

00:53:58.460 today. And then you say to yourself, okay, well, I did 10 pushups and I walked around my yard.

00:54:03.360 Uh, you know, today I think I'm actually going to do, I'm still going to do 10 pushups,

00:54:08.000 but I'm going to do two laps around my yard. Cause I felt okay. I could do two laps and you do that.

00:54:14.560 Now you start stringing these together over a hundred days, 90 days, 365 days.

00:54:22.340 And all of a sudden you're not 400 pounds, you're 300 pounds or better. Yeah. And you feel good.

00:54:30.700 And you're not just walking around your property. You go down to the high school and you're running

00:54:36.400 three miles every single morning. And you, it's not that you can do 10 pushups. You can actually do

00:54:43.360 a hundred unbroken pushups, not because you went from point A to point Z, but you went from A to B

00:54:49.420 and then B to C, C to D and so on. And that's what we need to focus on. That's why it's, and I can't

00:54:55.660 remember. I don't think it was George. I think it was, uh, Gabe who, Gabe, is that right? Who's

00:54:59.420 asked the previous question? Is it so important not to focus so heavily on the result, but on the

00:55:06.380 process, when the process, the results will take care of themselves guys. They will, they will take

00:55:12.640 care of themselves. If you win the process today and tomorrow and so on, when the, when the process.

00:55:18.180 And if you don't mind me adding just really quick, it's like, what's the goal? Like in the grand

00:55:24.120 scheme of things, you, you could be overweight and lose weight, or you could be a guy that always

00:55:31.180 honors his word and does, and follows his commitments. To be honest with you, the guy

00:55:34.960 that's committed to doing something and is on the path is actually a more honorable guy, regardless of

00:55:40.720 his weight. So like focus on the kind of man you are being and, and the results will happen. Don't get

00:55:48.140 me wrong. And I know we want to like have measurable results and tackle things, but like in Georgia and

00:55:54.160 I'm, I don't know if this is Georgia's take, but like how George shows up as a man is what's more

00:56:00.940 impressive is what's more valuable than really what he accomplishes in, in my opinion now. And because

00:56:09.500 that's, that's what, that's how you're going to live a fulfilled life. Well, that's how you're

00:56:15.100 going to be the marathon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cool, man. Let's take a couple more. All right.

00:56:22.180 James Sherman, best advice for raising a girl as a man alone, alone.

00:56:29.040 I would go back. I don't want to answer this question because we, I want to get to a different

00:56:32.800 question. The only reason I say that is because we've given a full account of this. I did two

00:56:38.220 podcasts and it must've been probably a year ago at this point. One is called Raising Kings. And then a

00:56:44.100 week later I did one called Raising Queens. So go to orderofman.com, type in Raising Queens,

00:56:51.040 or you can go to your podcast player, Order of Man, Raising Queens, and you'll find, I want to say

00:56:57.500 10 strategies for raising her right. And, and I think that will answer the question in depth as

00:57:03.860 opposed to what I could do here. And would you say, Ryan, the recommendations that you give on that

00:57:10.160 episode, make no difference whether you're raising it as a single father or a married father, that

00:57:16.820 those are still applicable just the same? Oh, they're still applicable. Now. I don't know if I,

00:57:21.420 again, it was probably a year ago. I don't know if I got into the specifics of raising her as a single

00:57:25.340 father, but certainly still applicable. It's going to be universal. You just might need to be more

00:57:30.040 creative, you know, with, with your scenario and your situation of being a single father, but the

00:57:35.620 principles are still going to apply. Perfect. All right. Eric, uh, Rolio, Rolio. Sorry, Eric.

00:57:43.840 All right. Rolio. Is it Rolio? Rolio. I don't know. I can't see it. So maybe R O U L E A U. Maybe

00:57:51.960 we shouldn't be spelling these because now everyone definitely knows that I'm pronouncing it wrong.

00:57:55.420 Can you guys just do the phonetic, you know, spelling on these? That would really help us. Thank

00:57:59.840 you. Maybe change your name. Yeah. All right. My son is nine. He just got his 90 day battle planner

00:58:06.900 for kids from the order man store, store.orderman.com. Another great transition by you, Kip.

00:58:13.220 Well done. Thank you. Thanks for calling that out. Isn't that what we're supposed to do is like when

00:58:19.240 people are doing good, you're supposed to acknowledge that they did good. Uh, I don't know.

00:58:23.820 Or is it just patronizing at this point? Yeah, probably patronizing. Fair enough. I'll remember

00:58:30.820 that. His schedule for exercise school days, run one mile in the morning, preferably outside take

00:58:36.740 taekwondo Monday through Wednesday, Thursday, 30 pushups. Sometimes we'll be burpees, 20 pull-ups,

00:58:42.960 30 Superman jumps, 50 to 60 sit-ups weekends. He will do a circuit training and MTB. I don't know what

00:58:50.340 that MTB is or hike. And he'll do some weights once a week. We will throw in a hundred burpees

00:58:58.380 or a hundred incline sit-ups. What are your kids and Kip's kids doing? I don't know if I'm having

00:59:05.580 him do too much or not enough. Any suggestions? He's very good at school. Yeah. I've got some

00:59:13.020 suggestions here. This is the 90 day battle planner for kids. Okay. This is not the 90 day battle

00:59:24.980 planner for dads to do it for their kids. I don't know if this is the case, but I'm just going to

00:59:32.020 throw this out there and maybe I'm completely wrong. So correct me if I'm wrong on this, bud.

00:59:35.220 It sounds like you created his battle plan for him. I don't think he created that battle plan.

00:59:43.940 He needs maybe, maybe, maybe I'm wrong. I'm just thinking based on what I've seen. It sounds like

00:59:49.180 you created the battle plan and you said you should do this. Or even if you sat down together,

00:59:54.460 you kind of pushed and manipulated and pushed them into this. Cause I can't, how old is he? Did he say

00:59:59.900 how old his son is? Nine. He didn't create this for himself, man. Okay. So your job is to help him

01:00:07.540 create his own plan. I think, I don't know your son. Maybe he's a bad-ass. He very well could be.

01:00:16.180 It just sounds daunting and overwhelming and he might burn out. And that, that was actually one

01:00:23.660 of my fears when I created the kids. I say I, but my son and I created the kids battle planner is

01:00:28.400 there's six things that they need to do every day. And I'm like, God, I don't know. Is this a lot?

01:00:33.860 And it is a lot. So as a father, you need to figure out where your son or daughter is. Cause

01:00:39.020 this will work for your daughters as well. That goes back to the previous question.

01:00:42.400 You need to figure out where they are age, maturity level advancement, all this stuff.

01:00:47.200 And you know, maybe instead of doing all six, and I actually wrote this in the paper, in the

01:00:52.140 planner itself. And it's on the video that my son and I did together is maybe you just pick

01:00:57.440 three of those things instead of all six of them, but you have to be, I'll, I leave that to you

01:01:02.260 based on what you think they're capable of. So the, the risk in doing that, well, the upside is

01:01:09.960 if he does it all, he's going to turn into a bad-ass, but the greater risk is that he doesn't do it

01:01:16.260 and he doesn't enjoy it. And he burns out and he thinks you're a jerk because of it.

01:01:22.100 And a failure on his notch, right?

01:01:25.540 Yeah. You know, like, well, Jocko talked about this in the second or third interview that we did

01:01:30.720 together. You know, you take a guy like Jocko and he's intense and he's hardcore. And you guys all

01:01:35.540 know this. These are things that, that, that, you know, and he talked about how hard he pushed

01:01:41.240 his son and how it actually created some problems. And he's even, you know, somebody who's hard like

01:01:47.960 that even decided, you know, I got to step back and I got to make this fun because if it's not fun,

01:01:53.940 they're just not going to do it. Another example of this as an, as an adult, as a mature man myself.

01:02:00.760 So I'm rolling with Pete the other night, Pete Roberts with origin the other night. He's my instructor.

01:02:06.360 He's a black belt. He's phenomenal. So I'm rolling with him the other night. And I noticed that

01:02:12.880 his style changes based on my style, based on how I'm performing. And I also noticed, cause I was

01:02:19.980 watching him one day that his style changes based on who he's rolling with. And at first I was like,

01:02:26.380 Oh, he's just adapting to who he's rolling with. And that's how he's going to be better. And then I

01:02:30.120 asked him, I said, no, I don't think that's what it is. I asked him, I said, like, how often do you

01:02:33.760 change your intensity, your style, your pressure, your play based on what the other person's doing?

01:02:39.740 He's like, I do it all the time. Every person I roll with. And I said, why? Okay. I understand

01:02:43.680 that. Cause I acknowledge that. I see it. Well, why do you do that? He's like, so they can get

01:02:46.640 better the way that you, that he's talking to me, the way that you need to get better me, the way I

01:02:52.900 need to get better Kip would be different than the way you need to get better. So he's going to go

01:02:56.520 harder and differently than with you than he is with me. That's very fatherly actually, if you think

01:03:01.140 about it. Right. And some people say like you do a pickup game of basketball with your kids and

01:03:05.980 you're like, you just wreck them. You just dominate them. Well, look how, how often are

01:03:10.960 they going to come back? I mean, Jordan Peterson's talked about this in rat experiments that when

01:03:17.700 rat, cause rats will rough house and there's always a bigger rat and a smaller rat and the

01:03:23.040 bigger rat rats know this rats that the bigger rat needs to let the smaller rat win some percentage

01:03:32.300 of the time. And I can't remember. It was, you know, like 10, 15, 20% of the time, because if not,

01:03:38.280 then the smaller rat won't come back to play and the bigger rat won't have anybody to play with.

01:03:43.520 So it's actually serves both rats for the big rat to ease up and let the small rat feel good

01:03:52.220 occasionally about how they're performing. Rats know this. Pete knows this. We as fathers need to

01:04:00.040 understand this. I'm never going to let my kid win because no, hold up. Maybe, you know,

01:04:07.600 you don't need to let them dominate you because then it comes, becomes patronizing. Like we were

01:04:11.280 talking about earlier. Right. Yeah. Yeah. But maybe you ought to ease up a little bit so they can

01:04:17.000 develop and grow and get better and just push just past their comfort zone, not completely cripple

01:04:22.620 them and crush them into the dust that they are. It's like, like, let them mature. And I think we

01:04:31.280 might be bumping up against that a little bit right here in this scenario. That's what I feel anyways.

01:04:36.980 Yeah. Totally. All right. A couple more, one more. Uh, yeah. One or two more. Yeah. All right. Jordan

01:04:43.460 Schenk, when it comes to starting a business and building a brand, what are some strategies you use

01:04:49.480 to build your brand and gain a passionate following? Do you use daily tactics to accomplish

01:04:54.920 this versus some things you do weekly? Yeah. I mean, there might be some things like a daily tactic

01:05:01.140 might be, you know, I I'm pretty much at this point working on a podcast every single day, you know,

01:05:06.280 whether it's this podcast or an interview that I have or an interview that, you know, I'm putting

01:05:11.220 together the intro and the outro or doing some editing on or the Friday field notes or the thing I'm

01:05:15.840 doing with warrior poet society. Like at this point, I'm doing that stuff every day. I'm checking

01:05:19.960 emails every day. I'm posting on social media every day. Those are things that are just without

01:05:23.500 question. They just get done. And there's other things. And I use my battle planner to do this,

01:05:27.620 that, you know, they're just a weekly thing. Hey, I got to call so-and-so, or I got to schedule

01:05:31.920 this appointment, or I got to do my taxes, or I got to work on this or work on that. Um, so it's

01:05:37.060 really just dependent on what needs to get done. But the way, you know, what needs to get done

01:05:41.340 is based on your objectives. What is it that you're trying to accomplish and what is the priority

01:05:46.760 and what is most important? But I really want to focus on that first part of that is what,

01:05:51.240 and I don't know if it's the first part, but how do you gain a passionate following?

01:05:54.580 Yeah. Build your brand and gain a passionate following because that's the most important

01:05:58.600 thing. Yeah. And it's the thing that everybody gets wrong. Cause here's what most people want to do.

01:06:03.800 I want to appeal as broadly as I possibly can and cast the widest net that I possibly can so that I have

01:06:11.240 this big pool to draw from. That's a mistake because if I were to do that, if I was to call

01:06:17.600 this, for example, order of human beings, it would not nearly be as impactful as calling it order of

01:06:23.460 man. And what a lot of people will think is, well, didn't you just cut yourself off of out of 50% of

01:06:28.540 the population? Yes. By design I did because the alternative is to cast a wide net and then not to

01:06:35.360 not appeal to either men or women. Yeah. Like half. So now I'm not appealing to anybody anymore.

01:06:40.340 Yeah. Right. Because it's so watered down and it's so just boring and mundane and not specific

01:06:46.780 that nobody cares about it. So you got to take a hard line stance. You got to know who it is you're

01:06:52.620 trying to serve and you have to be willing to ostracize a few people. You don't do that by design

01:06:57.680 to ostracize people, but it's just a natural outgrove of what you should be doing. Now, the interesting

01:07:04.760 thing and the ironic thing about this, and I'm just learning this now is that as we've developed

01:07:09.340 order of man over the past nearly six years, we have a, we have a large percentage of the people

01:07:15.540 that follow who are women. And you know, what kind of messages I get from women? I really like what

01:07:22.560 you're doing. I really respect that you're talking to men. I really, uh, I've introduced this to my

01:07:27.880 husband, to my children. This is so valuable or occasionally I'll get the email that says, you know,

01:07:33.360 I know I'm not a man, but, um, I'm doing your battle ready program anyways, because it's the

01:07:38.480 information so valuable. And I will never say, well, on this podcast, the order man podcast,

01:07:44.520 I will never, you'll never hear me say, welcome ladies and gentlemen. That isn't to be dismissive

01:07:50.120 of the ladies who are listening. It's just, I speak to men. If women feel like they can gain value,

01:07:55.140 they're welcome to. In fact, I love that they're here, but I speak to men exclusively. I talk to men.

01:08:00.360 I, the tone of voice that I use is masculine. Uh, we're talking about masculine subjects and issues,

01:08:06.800 and that will always be the case. If a woman doesn't like that, doesn't appreciate that,

01:08:12.340 can't handle that, then she's welcome to go find her own podcast. That's going to be more

01:08:16.440 suiting for her. Or if she can be mature enough to realize that, oh, there's some things I can

01:08:21.220 extract from this. And she wants to continue to listen by all means, but I ain't changing anything.

01:08:26.080 So the question you need to ask is what is it that you stand for and who specifically do you want to

01:08:33.500 serve? Oh, I just want to help people be successful. Good. Who? Everybody. Nope. Wrong answer. Who?

01:08:40.880 Fathers. Okay, cool. Mature fathers, young fathers, first time fathers, fathers of, of, of multiple

01:08:48.720 children, uh, single fathers, who specifically and narrow it down as specific as you possibly can,

01:08:55.860 which sounds counterintuitive. But if you want to get your foot in the door, which is what you want

01:09:00.500 to do is you're starting a new business. You got to find the point of entry. The door is not wide open.

01:09:06.560 All right. It's not, it's, there's a little sliver and you got to stick your foot in there. And once you

01:09:11.460 wedge your foot in the door and you make a dent, then you can kind of get your weasel, your arm in there

01:09:15.700 and then your shoulder. And eventually you're through the door. It's not going to open itself

01:09:20.320 for you. You've got to find the point of entry and it's little, it's small. And you do that by being

01:09:26.160 specific on who you want to serve, what you stand for, what you don't. And you know what? Every time

01:09:31.520 I make a polarizing statement or comment, I wish I can't show you because it's past. I was going to

01:09:36.760 show you on the, um, on my stories I made up on Instagram stories. I made a post the other day about,

01:09:42.680 what was it? Oh, it was about being a biological male in order to be a man. Like being biologically

01:09:48.280 male is a prerequisite. People lost their minds. And I lost that day. I lost net followers on

01:09:55.380 Instagram. I was like, that's weird. I lost followers. And so at first I was like, oh, that

01:09:59.760 sucks. You know, cause you don't want to like, you're trying to grow your business or your influence.

01:10:03.740 So I'm like, that sucks. Two days later, I wish I could show you. I still, I have the screenshot on

01:10:09.060 here. I, yeah, I saw this. Yeah. It was crazy. I got to pull it up. Cause you guys got to see,

01:10:13.940 cause this is illustrating perfectly the point that I'm making. I'm going to pull this up. Cause

01:10:18.120 I think I've got it in pictures here. Hold on. Okay. Cause you just have to see it. And this is

01:10:23.260 the power of, uh, okay, here it is. I got it. This is the power of speaking a message and being

01:10:35.000 hyper-specific on it. So you can see on Monday dipped right before that's right there. You can

01:10:40.320 see that right there. And then two days later, look at that growth. Two days later, huge growth.

01:10:46.960 This guys is the power of being specific, of knowing your message, of speaking to a specific

01:10:52.980 group of people. And if other people don't like it, you have to be okay with it.

01:10:57.540 And it's definitely not comfortable because people are challenging me all the time. It's not

01:11:01.760 comfortable, but it's a requirement. Cause if I want to get my foot in the door, I got to find that

01:11:07.600 path of entry. And it's, like I said, it's small. You just got to get in there.

01:11:12.860 Does that help? Do you think that helps? I think so. Yeah. Drastically. And I want people to do that.

01:11:19.720 I want people to start businesses and I want them to share their message, but I just, I'm so sick of

01:11:24.300 these watered down messages. Like, you know, like I see a tweet or something. It's like, everybody should

01:11:29.800 just be happy. And I'm like, well, that's lovely, but you know, nobody cares about that.

01:11:35.640 Yeah. I also, as a resource, I think the story brand, the book, the story brand is actually

01:11:40.540 a great reference. Is that Donald Miller? Don Miller? Don Miller? Don Miller? I'm so bad at

01:11:46.280 referencing authors, but yeah, it's a good book because I mean, if you think about it is we have

01:11:51.440 a tendency to market ourselves as the hero and no one hires you because they want to be the sidekick

01:11:57.460 and make you the hero. They want to be a hero, right? And that's really the premise of that book

01:12:01.960 is how do you market in a way that they can be the hero, that they can be amazing and that your,

01:12:08.520 your service is the sidekick to them to help them be the hero in their own story. And that's kind of

01:12:14.400 the premise of it. And that's passionate. That's, you know, you're driven and you can even look from

01:12:19.280 a business perspective. It's like, you know, oh, you sell it systems. Yeah. But the objective is

01:12:24.880 making the IT director highly respected within his organization, right? To make him the winner,

01:12:33.040 right? That drives passion. It's like, yeah, I want that for myself, right? And my organization.

01:12:37.780 So yeah, I think that's a great point. Yeah. I've seen it. I just, I, it's probably on my

01:12:43.740 list of things I want to get, but, um, I haven't purchased that book yet. So I'll have to check it

01:12:47.620 out. All right. One last question. You want to go for this one more? Sure. Yeah. This is,

01:12:52.020 this is a good one. I actually, after I skimmed this, I thought, well, I'm going to want to wish

01:12:57.340 I prepped for this a little bit, but, uh, we have Ryan here to make sure we got some good content.

01:13:01.880 All right. Reps aren't heart. I am a firm believer in the saying that boys will be boys. They will act

01:13:08.320 wild sometimes, but where is the line? I feel guilty for taking my son to be evaluated for ADD or ADHD.

01:13:15.380 I'm sitting in the waiting room as I write this and I can't help, but feel like I'm robbing my son

01:13:21.120 of his wild heart. Well, boys, boys will be boys. That's true, but they shouldn't remain boys.

01:13:29.060 Right? So your job is a man as a father is to teach him how to be a man. So it's okay to afford him some

01:13:36.820 grace when he makes an immature mistake. That's what they do because they're immature by their very

01:13:43.040 nature. Your job is to help teach them how to grow and evolve out of that immaturity. I would say the

01:13:49.820 line is when it becomes dangerous or destructive for them or somebody else. You know, if, if they're

01:13:56.440 getting into some situations where an ADD is a, is a great example of this, you know, is it just that

01:14:02.360 they, that they're, they're, they're hyper, that they need to be outside, that they need to be, you

01:14:07.980 know, engaged in an activity because if that's what it is, go ahead. Well, I can't help, but like

01:14:14.580 think of Eric's son doing all those exercises and thinking, I'm wondering if Eric's nine-year-old

01:14:21.280 is hyper, right? Like after that workout, probably not, right? Like he's probably a little bit more

01:14:28.900 calm. He's burned. He's gassed. Yeah. Totally. So is it just that they're hyper and that needs to be,

01:14:34.900 that needs to be harnessed? Cause I think with men, that's what it needs to be is like, okay,

01:14:38.860 good. You're, you're passionate. Good. Let me, as your father, show you how to harness the passion

01:14:43.580 to be able to produce effective outcomes. Yeah. Or is it that he's a danger to himself and other

01:14:49.260 people or that he's incapable of, of learning and growing because of his, his characteristics or

01:14:59.020 his attributes? That's the line. Is it serving him or is it hindering him? Because if it's,

01:15:03.960 if it's hurting him and he's a danger to himself and others, or it's hindering him from growth and

01:15:10.380 expansion and learning, okay, well then I think it's important that you address that.

01:15:15.000 But it's just, if it's inconvenient for you or you don't understand it and that's why you're doing it,

01:15:23.740 that's different. You don't have the time to deal with it. Yeah.

01:15:25.920 Yes. That's different, right? That's a, that's a bit of a cop-out actually. And that actually might,

01:15:30.800 the path that you, and I don't know, I'm, I'm not passing judgment because I honestly don't know,

01:15:35.540 but that's a path that you might be walking down is that this is not easy or convenient for me.

01:15:41.180 So let's see if we can make this easier on, on all of us. Is it ultimately going to serve him?

01:15:46.900 Maybe it is based on where he's at and maybe ultimately it's not. It was just more of a

01:15:51.680 convenience for you. So I think you're, you're doing the right thing by having some real soul

01:15:56.040 searching here. Odds are, I just, I think this is probably what's going to happen. You know,

01:16:04.020 he says he's in the waiting room right now. Odds are that the doctor is going to give you a low dose

01:16:09.280 or a mild prescription of some sort of, you know, Adderall or whatever it is, you know,

01:16:14.680 whatever they're going to give the kid because that's just what doctors do. Yeah. So, and look,

01:16:22.080 here's the thing guys, just because a doctor gives you a prescription, you aren't obligated to fulfill

01:16:27.220 it. So I would actually, if it were me in my situation with my children, my, none of my

01:16:34.740 children are already or sort of medication for that, like that kind of thing. I would be, I would

01:16:40.180 try every exhaust, every available option before I pumped them full of meds. Even if that meant hanging

01:16:46.880 onto the prescription for a few months or the prescription expiring, I'm sure they do. I don't,

01:16:51.660 I don't know for sure, but I'm sure prescriptions expire. And, and then having at some point to go

01:16:56.920 back in and say, look, doc, you know, I never filled this prescription because I wanted to do

01:17:00.820 these few things over the next six months. And you know, it's not really helping. And so I wanted

01:17:06.240 to see if we could revisit this, but the doctor is not in charge. You are in charge. And, and so you

01:17:13.780 don't need to fill the prescription, see what they have to say. I would just, if I were a betting man,

01:17:19.900 I would place my money on, on that doctor, giving you a low dose of some sort of medication. That's

01:17:24.940 going to, that's going to sedate him to some degree. Yep. And I'd be very careful of that,

01:17:30.140 but maybe there's some other options. Maybe he just needs to be. And even now, like we're in the

01:17:34.980 midst of COVID, you know, I don't know your, I don't know your kid's school situation. I don't

01:17:39.520 know if he's homeschooled or if he's sitting on a computer half the time, because you can only go to

01:17:44.300 school half the time and he can't see his friends and there's no competitive sports. I mean,

01:17:49.000 there's a lot of other factors at play. And so of course he's antsy. You're antsy. I'm antsy.

01:17:54.160 Of course. So find a way that maybe you can burn up some of that energy and engage him in a way that

01:18:00.100 he needs right now in, in the absence of some other outlets that he's been accustomed to as he's grown

01:18:07.200 up. Totally. There is statistically, not that, that everything's about stats, but statistically,

01:18:13.920 the amount of kids that are diagnosed as ADHD that probably don't need it is actually really high.

01:18:19.740 Do, do the research. So, so that already tells you that the probability may not be that he needs it.

01:18:27.420 Second one is I can't help but see the correlation between delayed gratification and perceived ADHD.

01:18:35.260 Like, like, let's really think about it. Like, and in fact, I had this conversation with my wife just

01:18:39.960 the other day. It's like, ah, you know, our son's having a hard time concentrating. What training has

01:18:45.420 he had around how to concentrate? Good point. What, what training have we provided him to help him

01:18:52.300 clear and calm his mind and focus on something? It's really interesting. If you think about it,

01:18:57.820 there's training for all kinds of things, but we never train our kids to, to focus.

01:19:03.760 So what, what are, and, and, and, and back to your point, Ryan's like, we're raising men. Well,

01:19:10.080 guess what? Eventually he should probably learn how to do that. So right. Exhaust, exhaust the

01:19:15.540 circumstance. What, what can we do to help Timmy or whoever learn how to concentrate, how to harness

01:19:23.620 that focus in a way, how to have delayed gratification. This is really boring. Yeah. It is

01:19:31.040 totally boring. It is boring. Yeah. So let's like, let's, let's experiment. How do we do something

01:19:36.600 that's boring and keep with it and keep doing it and then have a reward? Ah, okay. That felt good.

01:19:44.000 Right? Like there's been so many times with my sons, I've heard this where we work all day long. And at

01:19:49.300 the end of the day, they go, you know what? I was having such a bad day earlier today, but now that the

01:19:54.780 day's over and we got all that done feels really good. Yeah, man. And you're like, yeah, it does.

01:20:02.760 Doesn't it? Now I, of course we had to yell at you all to keep working. You're like, I don't feel

01:20:07.600 good now. I could use some drugs right now, but I'm glad that you're okay. Yeah. But they're not

01:20:12.820 going to learn that. Right. If it, if it comes to like, I'm bored and I don't have a good time.

01:20:18.220 That's part of learning. It's part of learning. I like that. I like that. Foster that attention

01:20:25.100 span. I mean, we have video games and social media and phones and distractions. We're actually

01:20:29.500 conditioned not to, not to focus. You know, the other thing too, you got to consider is like,

01:20:33.980 okay, well, what's the subject material? You know, a teacher calls and says, Hey, your son can't

01:20:37.380 concentrate. If I were to ask, well, what are you studying? And they said something like, I don't

01:20:41.280 know, 13th century Mesopotamian history. Like, well, how good of a teacher are you? You're a freak.

01:20:47.500 You're like, let me ask you a question. How good of a teacher are you? Are you boring?

01:20:51.420 Yeah. This is more, a, more, a referendum on you than it is my son. Come on now.

01:20:57.380 I should have to drug the whole class just for them to listen to you.

01:21:02.940 You know, so like consider the subject matter. It's like, okay, well, yeah, no kid likes that.

01:21:08.120 So like, what, what can we do to spice it up and to make it fun? You know, how, how can we make this

01:21:12.740 in a, cause they have to learn it, right? They have to, some of these things they have,

01:21:16.140 they have to learn math. Like I would say math is pretty important. So like, how can you make it

01:21:21.780 fun? Like, I don't know, maybe you're outside doing archery and you're measuring out your,

01:21:27.740 your course and you bring your son out there with you, with your targets. And you're like,

01:21:31.100 okay, I don't know how old the son is, but you know, you, you mark it off and it's like, okay,

01:21:34.760 50 yards. And if you want to go 75 yards, how many more yards do I need to go?

01:21:38.860 Uh, 25. Good. Okay. Mark it out for me. And then place a stake out there. And now you're

01:21:43.840 learning, but it's all cloaked and doing something fun with your dad and he's outside.

01:21:49.240 Go ahead.

01:21:49.860 Yeah. And let me ask you this question. Do you use those strategies still as an adult?

01:21:55.760 Yeah, of course I do. I do it all the time. I'll gamify something in my own mind and go,

01:22:00.860 okay, uh, I'm going to last five more minutes or, or I'll see that post. I'm going to go as hard

01:22:05.680 as I can until then, or like, yep, I'm doing the same strategy that was used on me as a kid,

01:22:11.440 as an adult to push through something I don't enjoy.

01:22:14.500 You know, I remember, um, sitting in math class and learning the Pythagorean theorem.

01:22:20.280 Do you remember that? A squared plus B squared equals C squared. Okay.

01:22:24.100 I'm from Sevier County. I don't know.

01:22:25.740 Yeah. I'm from Paragon. We actually learned, it's not much better, but I learned the Pythagorean theorem.

01:22:30.220 A squared plus B squared equals C squared. Right. Yeah.

01:22:33.100 You know that.

01:22:33.800 Okay. I know. I didn't know what it was called. I'll admit.

01:22:37.020 Maybe that's what it's called. I'm like 80% certain that's what it's called. Somebody's

01:22:40.500 going to correct me if it isn't. So I'm like, I remember sitting in class as a high school

01:22:44.060 student thinking like, when am I ever going to use this and never going to need this. And then I was

01:22:49.820 out, this was years ago. I was out building a dog house for, for one of our dogs. And I used the

01:22:55.900 Pythagorean theorem when I was figuring out the pitch of the roof. Yeah. And so it's like, all right,

01:23:01.600 I could sit in a, in a classroom and like slave over this stuff, or I could go build something.

01:23:08.980 And you know what? It's, it's stuck with me because I built it, not because I remember the

01:23:13.440 formula and that's how boys learn. So to give you a couple of resources reps on this, uh, and Kip,

01:23:19.160 I know you're advocate of this as well. There's, you have it. The boy crisis by Dr. Warren Farrell

01:23:24.220 has a whole chapter on ADHD chapter. There's two other books I would give you, uh, number one. So,

01:23:30.780 so again, uh, the boy crisis by Dr. Warren Farrell, why gender matters by Dr. Leonard Sachs and boys

01:23:39.500 adrift. And I would say the first and the third book, uh, boy crisis and boys adrift also by Dr.

01:23:45.380 Leonard Sachs. Those are three great books that will really help you understand the phenomenon of

01:23:52.060 attention span, learning for young men, why the school system is stacked against young men and

01:23:58.960 what you as a father can actually do about it. Yep. Great resources. And I can't help, but like,

01:24:05.560 think of Jocko sharing stories while going through, um, uh, spuds and spuds, spuds, buds. Sorry.

01:24:17.120 Come on. That sounds like, like baby, like baby Navy SEAL training.

01:24:22.940 The hell is spuds baby Navy SEAL training. It's so young men who want to become Navy SEALs before

01:24:30.600 they go to buds, they go to spuds, go to spuds. Oh man. All right. Can we X that? Let's X that one.

01:24:37.160 No, we're leaving that one, man. But, but he talks about gamifying it himself where he's like,

01:24:44.580 okay, this is really miserable, but now my job is to so do so good that I piss off

01:24:50.960 the instructors. Right. Or no, it was Goggins. That's Goggins. That's taking souls, man. That's

01:24:57.180 the taking souls concept. But that's, that's him gamifying it. Right. Right. Like, okay,

01:25:01.840 I'm going to get my mind off of the, the, the horrible pain and suffering of this whole thing.

01:25:08.140 And I'm going to make a game out of it. And now my game is to bother them. That that's what this is.

01:25:13.820 It's strategy, right. To something that's not enjoyable. I can't stop laughing about spuds.

01:25:22.200 No, I'm just thinking, I'm just like, no, I just, I actually liked the idea. I'm like, man,

01:25:28.680 cause I'm a marketer at heart, Kip. All right. Like I love business. I love marketing. I love

01:25:34.960 taking ideas and being like, okay, what can we make of this idea? And I'm like, what could I make of

01:25:39.760 spuds? Like I could have, I could have these boys that reps is talking about and I could have

01:25:44.680 these, these guys bring their boys in and I can, I could hire like 10 seals and we'll just call it

01:25:50.900 order of man spuds. Spuds training. Yeah. I think what you said was really good. It was just hard

01:26:00.460 for me to take my mind out. Taking souls. You were talking about taking souls. Yeah. But I think

01:26:06.240 Jocko even talked about that at one point. He does. For sure. He changed his game. Yeah. Game

01:26:10.720 to find it. So. Yeah. I mean, sometimes we get so wrapped up in the moment that we're like,

01:26:15.180 like dreading it and, and we throw ourselves a little bit of a, a pity party. Right. Yeah. And

01:26:21.200 it's like, get out of your mind. Like think about something else. Gamify it, do whatever you need to

01:26:25.660 do. Tell yourself you're taking souls, whatever you need to do so that you can drive on and carry

01:26:30.360 on with the mission. Yeah. Cool. I think we're onto something Kip. Yeah. Yeah. We have a lot of

01:26:37.040 that a little bit. Oh man. All right. Well let's, let's wind things down. I think we went a little

01:26:42.000 longer than normal, but great questions. Did we get through all the iron council questions? No. Oh,

01:26:47.520 okay. So we'll answer the rest of them next week. We have about three or so. So cool. Submit your

01:26:52.340 questions. Uh, join us online, facebook.com slash group slash order man, or you can join us in our

01:26:57.960 exclusive brotherhood, the iron council. That's where our questions were filled today. And of

01:27:03.620 course we talked a lot about plans today. That's something that we do in the iron council where

01:27:09.080 you're assigned to a team, you're working shoulder to shoulder with other men, holding each other

01:27:13.800 accountable. It's kind of like the, I don't know. It's the elevated version of, of battle ready,

01:27:19.620 a battle ready. But if you don't want to join us in the IC and you want to go solo,

01:27:26.380 learn more about the battle ready program and order of man.com slash battle ready as well as

01:27:31.320 those are two great resources. I mean, obviously easy for me to say we created them, but like if,

01:27:37.540 if you want to go on your own path and you want to figure this stuff, we've got the resources all

01:27:40.940 free and it's all there and available. So yeah, do it guys. Great questions today. Really appreciate

01:27:46.260 it. Kip, as always, I appreciate you, man. This was a really fun conversation and I think we're

01:27:51.280 getting the guys a lot of good information. So, uh, we'll be back next week guys until then go out

01:27:55.660 there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man

01:28:00.200 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:28:04.960 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - September 30, 2020

Living with No Regrets, Re-Inventing Yourself, and Raising Boys with ADHD ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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