00:03:39.980and men ought to be leaning towards being the authority figure wisdom uh emotional temperance
00:03:49.920that's what women are looking for that's why if you look even just the marriage rates that's why
00:03:54.420men generally i don't know the statistic but it's probably 80 to 90 percent of the time are older
00:04:00.040than their partner obviously yeah that's why yeah and and part of our short end of the stick is0.90
00:04:06.240we were dumb in our early twenties. We're, our brains are still developing and we're really
00:04:13.980immature. So it kind of takes us a while to grow up. Well, that's actually part of the reason that
00:04:19.740women thrive so well. It's part, not the only, but part of the reason women thrive so well in1.00
00:04:24.600school, uh, pre, pre, you know, like elementary school, high school, and then post post-education,1.00
00:04:31.520post-secondary education is because their brains just mature faster so they're like why are boys0.96
00:04:37.140so stupid because we're acting three years younger than our age that's why yeah yeah because we0.99
00:04:43.340actually are stupid exactly but it is interesting even even in in the dating world you know and it's0.99
00:04:53.500often said that that men's value or worth from from a female's perspective goes up but as they0.99
00:05:02.400get older but the converse is also true that a woman's value to a man as they get older goes
00:05:09.440down so that's kind of an interesting phenomenon and it should give hope to any man who maybe go
00:05:15.320through goes through a divorce um later in life like your stock's still going up brother i'm
00:05:21.640telling you your stock is still going on time yeah so all right cool enough of that should we
00:05:28.940get into wholesome or not or whatever we're calling it yeah whatever you want to call it
00:05:34.600let's do it i have two all right so yellowstone and ufc is what i'm calling this yellowstone and
00:05:41.400ufc um okay where do you want to start the show or the national park the national park i'll let
00:05:47.840you pick where you want to start yellowstone or ufc where do you want to start uh let's let's kick
00:05:52.260off with ufc all right ufc obviously big fight weekend two big fights we had patty the baddie
00:05:58.860which i think his nickname's wrong his his it's wrong it's daddy patty the daddy like yeah that0.59
00:06:05.420guy is fucking incredible i mean the i don't know if it was a darse or an anaconda he threw on that0.84
00:06:11.440guy uh it's like a dar slash peruvian necktie yeah dude yeah and then he and then he was he was0.99
00:06:19.440actually very uh creative like he pulled him into him into his guard essentially and he threw his
00:06:26.660left leg over and his right leg notice how he kicked his hand his arm out and secured his other
00:06:32.300free arm out with his right leg i'm like dude that's very creative and he put that i don't even
00:06:38.620know who he fought but he put that dude to sleep i mean that guy was out you saw when the guy woke
00:06:44.560up he was like am i still fighting he didn't know what happened yeah yeah that dude he is amazing
00:06:51.180and i know gaichi you know touched him up pretty well but even still as he says scousers don't get
00:06:56.880knocked out like he stood his ground with gaichi i'd love to see that fight and run that one back
00:07:01.700but dude what a cool fight and then conor mcgregor dude i don't know what you think
00:07:09.080i'm conflicted on this one all right so hear me out so you have some greats right you have like
00:07:17.980i think about the world of football you have guys like joe montana who's a childhood hero of mine
00:07:25.720And then you've got guys like Tom Brady and, um, you know, just, just incredible players who don't know when it's time to leave. And as a competitor, I think, no, I Brett Favre is another one. And I'm like, I get that. I respect that. And also know your, know your role a little bit.
00:07:49.740like at some point it's time to evolve into a different stage of your life and from where I
00:07:56.180sat in the videos I've seen I don't I don't want to totally pass judgment on it but it's hard for
00:08:02.780me to believe that Conor Greger wasn't compromised before the fight but if you don't go fight you
00:08:09.080don't win your your purse so yeah I think he was kind of compromised before I mean even on the1.00
00:08:16.760walkout you saw like he couldn't even get out of his shoes without like having a little gimp or
00:08:20.840something so i don't like that i think it's i think it's very disingenuous i think it's i think
00:08:28.600it it taints the game a little bit i don't know not wholesome to me conor mcgregor's return
00:08:35.440was not wholesome um patty the dad i'm just gonna call him patty the daddy now instead of patty the
00:08:41.020batty. Wholesome. That guy is awesome. I love that guy. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. What's great0.84
00:08:49.060about Patty is his stock went up. Here's the wholesome element of him. His stock went up by
00:08:55.580losing to Gaethje. Oh, totally. He won, even though he lost. Absolutely. Absolutely. Because
00:09:01.280of the way he showed up. Exactly. Exactly. I've, I've known guys, I've seen fights where a guy
00:09:07.920lost but their character showed in the fight and you're just like i love that guy even more
00:09:15.860even though they lost the fight and and and that's that's patty obviously amazing jujitsu
00:09:22.580i saw the interview which i just love this because i was like man did he practice that move like i've
00:09:28.240never seen that before because i actually love an approvian necktie and so the fact that he did
00:09:33.520like a version of it with a darse i'm like what the crap and in the interview it was so great is
00:09:40.060he's like i've never even done that before right he's like i was just feeling it it was there0.89
00:09:45.840that and and of course you know he's cocky he's like that's how good my jiu-jitsu is you know
00:09:50.380what i mean but it's like dude that is true right but it was it was awesome you know the thing about
00:09:57.360connor that comes to mind is i like to just look at it a little bit deeper right why come back and
00:10:03.980you're right right there's there's a lot of evidence that would justify one to come back
00:10:09.440even though they're compromised and that's why we question it because it's like well if he is
00:10:14.100compromised and he canceled the fight what's on the line a lot of things so really not a lot
00:10:19.100millions of dollars millions of dollars yeah and reputation so you can't help but go if he was
00:10:25.260compromise would he still show up and most people would i would yeah so of course i would yeah so
00:10:32.520you can't help but assume that the the part i like to talk about a little bit around connor is
00:10:38.400the same thing you see with dustin poirier and the same thing we see with probably the guy that
00:10:44.140we were talking about before we hit record people tie their identities to things and they tie their
00:10:51.400identities to things that expire. And be careful that you're not defining who you are based upon
00:10:58.980something you're going to lose. And I think Dustin Poirier alluded to that with his mishap at the
00:11:07.280airport and his kind of in this moment of depression after his retirement, I would argue
00:11:13.520it's the same demons that Conor McGregor is fighting with letting go is who he is, his
00:11:19.780intrinsic value he believes is in him fighting and eventually that's going to expire so what do you
00:11:26.780do with it i like i like the terminology don't tie your identity to things that will expire
00:11:34.020that could be fighting that could be law enforcement that could be corporate executive
00:11:38.620that could be father and that won't expire just evolve a soldier i i do take a little bit of issue
00:11:44.980kip hear me out on this one tell me what you think when you say that mishap that happened at the
00:11:50.640airport i i take a little issue with that because that is so such passive language and when i saw
00:11:58.380that yeah i wasn't bought i was i was i was a little bothered by that but i wasn't disappointed
00:12:05.200in him i actually had empathy for him in that moment but let's not call it a mishap let's call
00:12:12.020it a breakdown he created it yeah let's call it for what it really is and that's what guys need
00:12:17.260to understand like when you have a brother and he steps out on his wife or he gets into substance
00:12:24.480abuse or he gets himself in trouble or he makes bad financial decisions let's not call it a mishap
00:12:30.120let's say you made poor decisions and also i have empathy for you i can see why you might feel that
00:12:39.600way but let's we really do need to call it for what it is i like i saw that breakdown from dust
00:12:44.860and i was like dude i had so much empathy because obviously he was he was inebriated i don't know
00:12:51.240if he was drinking or doing drugs but he was inebriated yeah yeah and it's like dude that's
00:12:57.080not a mishap that was a conscious choice and i also understand where some of that might spring
00:13:03.600from especially somebody who's trying to constantly fight the temptation of alcohol abuse like i get
00:13:09.580it. I understand, but we need to call it out for what it really is. Yeah. And anyone that's
00:13:14.960listening that goes, well, you know, that's too harsh, Ryan. No, listen to Poirier. He knows
00:13:20.240that when he's in a certain mental state, he shouldn't be drinking. He admits to that. Like,
00:13:25.340yeah, I know I shouldn't have been. Yeah. And, and he did anyway. So what do you expect when you,
00:13:30.620especially if you have a history and you have knowledge of how you're going to react in those
00:13:34.680circumstances yeah no i feel dude i feel for those guys like especially when i feel i wonder
00:13:41.380how dana white feels about this stuff like i i gets talked about sometimes but i'm like dude
00:13:48.420you're you're making guys fight against you're not making them that's not the right word i'm
00:13:54.520trying to use proper proper verbiage like be precise with your language um you're not making
00:14:01.240them but you are exploiting it you're definitely exploiting it and a lot of these guys come from
00:14:08.060broken homes they come from broken families they come from tragedy they come from substance abuse
00:14:14.520and you're giving them a way out i understand that but i'd actually be curious about and maybe
00:14:21.440there is i don't know so i'm not going to jump to conclusions but i wish the ufc focused
00:14:26.600heavily on mental health like how do we train these guys to be mentally healthy how do we
00:14:35.180train them to rise above their circumstances outside of the octagon i would love if maybe
00:14:41.660they do i'm not saying they don't maybe they do but i would love to see that aspect of ufc
00:14:46.680i really would yeah or even retirement assistance you know to help them exit well at least yeah
00:14:54.680yeah yeah all right so ufc all right so we talked about yellowstone and ufc did you see this thing
00:15:01.920in yellowstone where this this bison threw this guy eight feet in the air oh man well i i no i
00:15:10.040didn't but i didn't i did i already knew what was gonna like the minute you said the park i was like0.88
00:15:14.480oh got it another retarded tourist doing a selfie with a bison maybe or i actually i'm not gonna0.80
00:15:22.040pass judgment because it's hard to tell in the moment that the the tourist was so the bison was0.92
00:15:27.620on one side of the road and this is a big bull and he's like tearing through a camp and messing
00:15:33.680things up and people are taking video or whatever and across the street and i mean based on what i
00:15:39.060saw i'd probably say it was like 50 to 80 yards if i had to guess but again sometimes pretty far
00:15:45.200that's a good distance if i had to guess that's about what it would be and so there was this
00:15:49.640older gentleman and his wife just i don't even think people say he's taking video but then
00:15:55.840there's other video that looks like he's actually just looking through binoculars
00:15:58.620and and so i don't i don't know i didn't look at it that deeply but this this bison decided to be
00:16:05.420pissed and ran across the street and chased him around some bushes around and around and around0.79
00:16:11.620and the guy was running through it and um i'm trying not to laugh because i'll go to hell0.86
00:16:18.700But, I mean, picked him up, threw him eight feet in the air.
00:17:14.480And so wholesome, the bison is wholesome.
00:17:18.000and also bison's doing what a bison does be smart man be smart there's a story a fable about a young
00:17:26.940boy and a snake and i think it's aesop's fables and there's 12 or 13 of them or whatever and a
00:17:35.560boy comes to a river and he's going to cross the river and he runs across a snake and the snake
00:17:40.200says hey will you help me cross the river and the boy says i'm not going to take you across the river
00:17:45.020you're a snake you'll bite me he's like no no no I won't bite you I just need to get across the
00:17:48.880river and he's like no no I'm not gonna take you like you're gonna bite me he's like no I promise
00:17:53.980I won't so the boy says okay well I'll carry you in my arms and so he picks up the snake and he
00:17:57.720starts to ford the river and the snake says it's cold can you put me in your jacket and the boy
00:18:02.480says no I'm not gonna put you in my jacket like you'll bite me if I put you in my jacket he says
00:18:07.540no no I'm just cold put me in your jacket so I can be warm and then when we get to the other side
00:18:13.040let me go and I'll leave. And so the boy says, okay, I'll put you in my jacket. So the boy puts
00:18:17.480the snake in the jacket and he fords the river and he gets across to the other side and he's
00:18:22.120going in to take the snake out and the snake bites him. And he says, hey, you said you weren't
00:18:29.600going to bite me and you still bit me. And the snake says, you knew what I was when you picked
00:18:34.940me up and you still chose to pick me up. And then the snake slid it off and the boy, I don't know
00:18:40.560if he died or whatever but that's the story here you know a bison is a bison you know a mountain
00:18:48.100lion is a mountain lion you know that conniving woman who you're trying to escape is a conniving1.00
00:18:53.080woman you know your boss is an asshole you you know all those things and and still you try to0.99
00:18:59.180talk yourself out of it because you want to be a quote decent human being well you know we're still0.99
00:19:06.020human beings and we're still animals and we ought to be prepared and aware of what could potentially
00:19:10.480happen to us because if we don't we put ourselves and we put the people that we love and care about0.93
00:19:16.280in risk women are notorious for this they're too nice for their own good and this is why a lot of
00:19:21.980the times and i'm not victim blaming but this is why a lot of the times they put themselves in
00:19:26.080compromising positions there's been studies that actually show that women and men actually will put
00:19:32.240themselves in compromising positions because they're too afraid of looking racist or judgmental
00:19:39.800or bigoted. And yet they'll put themselves in dangerous situations because they don't want to
00:19:45.820be called a bigot or a racist or fill in the blank. It's really wild, man. And this is the
00:19:53.120plight of evolution and being at the top of the food chain. Yeah. Well, and I think a part of
00:19:59.820this comes down to, we don't like, you know, we don't know bison. We don't know these things
00:20:05.980because we don't hunt and we don't see our food and we get it from grocery stores and that's part
00:20:11.620of the issue issue like even something as simple as a cow people might be like oh cattle cows oh
00:20:18.380they're they're soft i don't remember some of those cows being soft when i was a kid
00:20:24.000like i mean we intentionally run into the corral wait for one to chase us and then sprint to the
00:20:32.760to the corner and like squeeze out really quick before they trample us right like trample us so
00:20:38.000like and that's a cow that's not even a predator and he's trying to kill me you know what i mean
00:20:44.760so it's like we we have an unhealthy relationship with the animal kingdom i think in in general and
00:20:52.420nature yeah for that matter yeah bro i i i remember a situation just for the sake of time
00:21:00.620I won't get into it it was with my oldest son I thought we were gonna die I really did I'm like
00:21:07.700and I told him at the time like bud you need to know like we're dehydrated we don't have any water
00:21:15.760left we're we're we're beginning to see the early stages of heat exhaustion and like people hear
00:21:26.480that. And they're like, Oh no, you're no, I'm not exaggerating. I was, I was actually really worried
00:21:31.840and it wasn't even a predator. It was the sun and lack of water, bro. And I like,
00:21:41.260obviously everything was okay, but it's, it's the real deal. When you start getting out there,
00:21:47.760I remember my oldest son also, um, when you talked about the cows, I remember, uh, years ago,
00:21:54.520probably 10 years or plus at this point yeah it's probably about 10 years ago so he's eight or so
00:22:00.460and I look out in the pasture and we had this big billy goat this big rad billy goat at the time
00:22:07.500and it was getting to be you know like mating season and so he's out there in the pasture and0.55
00:22:12.620I see the billy goat like stomp out and he saw him and I'm like oh shit I gotta get out there
00:22:18.640and so this billy goat like runs up to him and just like squares up with him like he's
00:22:24.400gonna ram him and my kids like seven or eight years old at the time like god so i ran out there
00:22:29.540and the billy goat kind of nudges him a couple of times and then i see him start stomping like
00:22:36.080he's gonna ram him and breckin starts running he starts running and he turns around he's like
00:22:43.180he real i could see it in real time breckin's like i realize i can't make it to the fence in time
00:22:47.920so he turns around and there's this two before on the ground in the field and he picks it up
00:22:54.280and that billy goat comes at him and he just wham baseball bat swings him across the forehead
00:23:00.060and the billy goat kind of like stumbles and like what just happened and as soon as he hit him he
00:23:06.500just ran to the fence and like hopped over the fence and the billy goat was like on his heels
00:23:10.360and i get out there about the time he gets across the fence and he's like his eyes are
00:23:16.140and he's like yeah that was scary i'm like yeah i bet it was he's like he almost got me i'm like
00:23:24.260like, yeah, he almost did good work. And he's like, I'm not going in there again. I'm like,
00:23:29.840good lesson. Good idea. It's real, man. But people aren't exposed to that the way we used to be.
00:23:36.740Yeah. Even chickens, right? Those, those suckers are like for little kids,
00:23:41.680those chickens would be dangerous. Totally. Yeah, totally. All right, man. Well,0.61
00:23:45.960good reminiscing, good talking about these things. So I think what we decided is that,
00:23:50.360at least what i decided is that patty the daddy is wholesome conor mcgregor was hurt before the
00:23:58.400fight that's not wholesome and animals in the wild protecting themselves is wholesome that's
00:24:05.220what i decided yeah and and we live with we live in their environment so we have to respect him
00:24:11.360yeah all right yeah all right let's get to some questions yeah so we're gonna kick off with uh
00:24:17.800Matt Mattucci, he says, why does it feel like it's nearly impossible to have genuine and authentic thoughts, emotions, and actions in everyday life?
00:24:29.320What are the main things that steer you towards being in alignment with your authentic self?
00:24:39.280Okay, so I'm thinking about this from two angles.
00:24:41.260When Matt says impossible, do you think he's talking about his own self-assessment or do you think he's talking about the criticism from other people?
00:24:51.780I think it's the driving force in himself to just not be himself, right?
00:40:08.040But all you need to do is tell the truth.
00:40:10.020if you're frustrated with your wife and it's been looming over your head for a day or two
00:40:14.680just go to her and say hey babe look this is as honest as you can be in that situation i've had
00:40:20.780this situation happen where it's like hey babe look like i don't know what's been going on the
00:40:24.820last week you know we had that little argument a week ago and i was mad at you and you were mad at
00:40:31.600me and i've been thinking about it and i'm still a little bothered about this this and this but
00:40:37.320also i'd rather work through it than just be distant bitter with each other like this is the
00:40:43.860issue that i took and this is what i want to do to fix it you do you want to do that with me
00:40:49.440she's gonna say yes like she's going to say yes um it's just being honest that's all not
00:40:59.000vulnerability not not in touch with your feminine side it's just being honest and connecting your
00:41:04.940heart with your words that's it yeah and that's where we'll get more growth anyway which is a
00:41:11.860beautiful thing well and not to mention it's fair to the other person like why are you gonna abuse
00:41:17.300the other person through distance and ignoring them and the silent treatment that's not fair to
00:41:22.920them either yeah yeah i like it all right colton reyes i lost my job six months ago after 15 years
00:41:33.340at the same company. I've applied everywhere and just landed something, but it's a pay cut
00:41:38.980and a title downgrade. How does a man process that hit to his identity as a provider without
00:41:46.980spiraling into shame every time he walks in the door? You have the wrong definition of provider,
00:41:53.580bro. It's the wrong definition because the definition you're currently using is
00:42:02.560have the best job in the world make the most money you can that's not a provider you know
00:42:07.340what a provider is somebody who sacrifices on behalf of the people that he loves and that's
00:42:13.860what you're doing right now bro if order a man went under business out of business and i couldn't0.59
00:42:18.900find another job i would go flip fucking burgers at mcdonald's if i had to to put a roof over my0.95
00:42:24.260head and my kids's head and put food on their table i would do that and i i wouldn't it wouldn't0.98
00:42:29.800be a permanent situation but i would do that and i would be proud about it i would be proud i'd be
00:42:37.380like i don't this is this is work that's quote unquote beneath me and i'm still doing it because
00:42:42.480i'm the provider for my children you have nothing to be ashamed about when you do work that you
00:42:49.240consider beneath you because you're sacrificing on behalf of the people that you love hold your
00:42:55.780head up high, bro. Be proud. Now, do work to find a better position or elevate you within the company
00:43:04.160that you're with, but you don't need to. This world will just like, especially in social media,
00:43:11.340will chew you up and be like, oh, you're flipping burgers. You're damn right I'm flipping burgers.
00:43:15.720I didn't take welfare. I didn't take government handouts. I didn't ask for random strangers on a0.93
00:43:22.480GoFundMe account. I fucking went to work and I flipped burgers so I could make rent this month.0.98
00:43:28.880You should be proud about that, not discouraged about it. And then go to work on building up0.98
00:43:34.440your resume, building up your skillset, keep putting your applications out there,
00:43:39.340keep doing interviews, but do what a man does, which is sacrifice for the people that he loves
00:43:44.460and cares about. Amen. Yeah. The phrase that comes to mind is you're not defined by your
00:43:51.140circumstances, you're defined by how you show up in spite of them. So how you show up in the
00:43:58.940circumstance, man, that's everything. And guess what? Maybe this is Dylan reality moment, right?
00:44:06.720The market says that you were probably maybe being overpaid. Maybe not. I don't know. But it is what
00:44:13.620it is. So what are you going to do about it? But that doesn't define you. That just means that,
00:44:18.180how's this you know what this means it means that you're making less than you made before
00:44:24.760that's what it means that's it that's all the other stuff that you've added meaning to
00:44:29.960that's all just made up the truth is you're making less than you did before
00:44:37.040why figure that out temporarily by the way yeah yeah i got a guy so i'm in southern utah i've got
00:44:47.180a guy who I went to Iraq with and he and his family own, I don't even know, probably a dozen
00:44:56.300or two, two dozen McDonald's franchises here in Southern Utah. If I was out of work and I couldn't
00:45:04.760find a job, I would call him humbly and I would say, Hey, I need a job. Can I come work the
00:45:13.480registers? And he would say yes. And I would also tell him, hey, I just want you to know,
00:45:20.120I want to run this store in the next four months.
00:45:25.540So I'm all in. Like I will, I will be here on time. I will work late. I will put in extra hours.
00:45:33.640I will teach everything I know to, to the team. I will be a team player. I will follow the system.
00:45:39.460if there's opportunities for me to go to any training or to jump on mcdonald's calls that
00:45:44.560you guys do i'll do it all i'll do everything whatever and i'd run that store in six months
00:45:51.280and maybe i would or maybe i wouldn't maybe i'd go find another job or whatever else but you're
00:45:58.380damn right that i will do everything i can to be the best employee that mcdonald's has ever seen
00:46:03.440and i would have no shame in that at all yeah none yeah keep your head up colton absolutely0.94
00:46:10.980it's tough right like it is tough you know it's easy for us to say oh man just change your attitude
00:46:15.320like most men would feel how you're feeling right i would too not that it that is ideal
00:46:21.160but take action i would still feel that way too but i'd still get after it yeah yeah you can you
00:46:28.340can do it all right you lost your job you know what here's i'll say one other thing to colton
00:46:32.280i don't know how i don't know how old colton is i'm 45 maybe he's younger maybe he's older i don't
00:46:39.760i don't know how old he is it's gonna be okay man like if you're younger let's say you're 25 30 years
00:46:48.060old i promise you in 15 years you're gonna look back and say you know what i'm so grateful that
00:46:55.420happened this doesn't feel like it but you will if you do the right things if you just cry and0.69
00:47:01.060bitch and moan and complain then you'll always be resentful but if you do the right things you'll
00:47:05.700start looking back and saying oh thank god literally thank god that happened because look0.98
00:47:12.220where i am now yeah yeah all right micah sorenson quick question what's a piece of the manosphere
00:47:22.760advice you actively disagree with oh this is easy that women are the enemy0.97
00:47:28.600like that's such a ridiculous thought like how could you ever consider a woman who you can0.91
00:47:38.620partner with and fit with literally and figuratively to bring a child into the world0.94
00:47:45.540to raise them in righteousness to help soften some of your edges to help toughen her up to1.00
00:47:51.600some degree and think this is an evil institution this is an evil design i hate that shit man now1.00
00:47:59.420look there's evil women there's damaged women the same as there's evil men and damaged men of course1.00
00:48:07.220but they're not the enemy they're they're an ally and your job is to become
00:48:14.020a strong enough man a good enough man a capable enough man that you attract the type of woman
00:48:22.180who will be a good partner for you i had this experience again i'm in the i'm in the in the
00:48:27.040dating scene which is so weird at 45 but i had this experience and um several months ago i asked
00:48:33.480this woman on a date and and i said hey would you like to go out this day and she said um
00:48:38.840she says no she didn't even say no she said are you available these other two days
00:48:44.360and i said no i'm not and i didn't explain i don't need to explain myself to a stranger i said no i'm
00:48:52.720not available those two those two days but if that day doesn't work for you i can go out with
00:48:57.140you next week and i never and i didn't hear back from her but i didn't chase her around like i
00:49:03.480I don't, I'm not going to chase somebody around. And so she messaged me several days later and she
00:49:09.980said, well, I date, this is what she said. She said, I date a lot. And if I'm low on your list,
00:49:16.200then please just tell me now and I can just bow out. And that's a shit test.0.99
00:49:25.980Like she's poking and prodding. I don't know if she dates a lot or doesn't, but that's a way for1.00
00:49:31.380her to rub it in to say she's the catch. And so I messaged her back and I said, Hey, I asked you
00:49:37.120out that day. You didn't say yes or no. You asked me if there was another day you could go out.
00:49:42.760You didn't answer me back. I said, I can take you out early next week. You didn't answer me back.
00:49:48.880So yeah, you're low on my list. You don't respond. You don't answer me back.
00:49:55.080So it sounds like the timing's off. I wish you the best.
00:49:58.720and what the reason I bring that up is because it speaks to worth right and that's that's what
00:50:06.660you need to know is that there's a level of worth to you that you don't need to chase people around
00:50:12.960you don't need to acquiesce to every person's whim and desire you don't need to play every person's
00:50:19.580game that they require or request of you like go out make yourself who you need to make yourself
00:50:25.800to be. Just live your life. Be bold. Create options. And the more you do, I think the less
00:50:34.080likely you are to get sucked into things that aren't going to serve you well. Yeah. All right.
00:50:39.000Elliot Marsh, tough situation here. He says, my dad is in the early stages of dementia.
00:50:44.840In some days, he doesn't know who I am. I spent years wanting his approval, and now I'm not sure
00:50:51.620I'll get closure on that. And the question just changed. How do you make peace with a relationship
00:50:58.860that's ending before the grief even starts? How do you make ends? I thought the question was like,
00:51:07.320how do I deal with my dad having dementia, not knowing me, not, I have an incomplete,
00:51:12.240unresolved relationship with my father um a contract works both ways
00:51:22.680one one party's supposed to uphold their end and then the other party's supposed to uphold
00:51:31.280their end independently by the way like i don't only uphold my end because kip if you and i
00:51:37.460entered into agreement let's say dependent on me no it's not because i made the agreement so
00:51:42.220So, for example, if I said I'm going to pay you X dollars a month to help me do this podcast, like it isn't dependent immediately in the immediacy.
00:51:55.500It isn't dependent on whether or not you show up necessarily or how you how you show up is probably a better way to say it.
00:52:01.940I said I would pay you this amount of money a month.
00:52:05.420Now, I'm going to evaluate and say, is it worth me continuing to pay this amount of month based on your performance?
00:52:10.740and if the answer is no then we'll renegotiate the contract um but my word is my word like if
00:52:18.780i said i'm gonna do this thing i'm gonna do this thing and it doesn't really matter about how you
00:52:22.520show up now if you break the contract early enough i say to you hey i'll pay you this amount of money
00:52:27.700per month if you show up and you don't show up then i don't owe you anything you made that decision
00:52:32.640independent of our agreement so therefore i get to change my the way i'm not even changing it's
00:52:39.560just you didn't meet the agreement, so I'm not paying you. And so the way that this applies to
00:52:45.060your father is there's an agreement there in some ways, but there's also what we call a covert
00:52:52.920contract. And the covert contract that you have in place right now says your dad was supposed to
00:52:59.740show up this way. He was supposed to call me. He was supposed to be there on my birthday. He was
00:53:06.060supposed to visit the grandkids for Christmas, but he had no idea. So you know what that is?
00:53:14.140Not a contract. How can a person enter into a contract if they're incapable of entering into
00:53:21.040a contract? Kip, if I had a contract between you and I, I was like, here's all the things I want
00:53:26.440kid to do. Signed it, notarized it, but you didn't see it. Like, is that really a contract? No,
00:53:37.800it's not. That's what you're doing right now. He didn't see it. So here's the beauty of it.
00:53:42.560It's hard. It's really hard. But here's the beauty of it. Because he never entered into
00:53:48.360the contract, you can cancel the contract anytime you want. You just have to make that decision.
00:53:56.440and so you might say to yourself well i wanted him to show up for my birthday but he never did
00:54:02.640okay he didn't owe that to you didn't talk to him about that he didn't owe that to you
00:54:07.580should he have done it yeah did he no so he didn't do it so cancel the contract well he was supposed
00:54:17.260to call my grandkids and be involved in their life and all these things well did he know that
00:54:22.520no because you didn't talk to him about it okay cancel the contract he didn't do it cancel it
00:54:27.480right now cancel it and give him some grace man because it's not so much about him it's about you
00:54:34.720i didn't find the grace that my father deserved until after he died i started really analyzing
00:54:41.800the way he showed up and the way that he didn't and what he did and what he didn't do and i'm like
00:54:46.400you know, given his, given his circumstances, I probably would have done the same thing.
00:54:56.380And so I'm going to go ahead and cancel that contract with my father that I had. I'm going
00:55:00.660to go ahead and cancel that one. And I'm just going to now at this point be charitable
00:55:05.480and the charitable, the charity that I have for my father is grace. It's forgiveness. I talked to
00:55:14.020him occasionally, like, hey, dad, oof, might get emotional.
00:55:26.220I might say, like, really wish you were here for Brecken's first college game.
01:06:01.300And also approach it with the seriousness that it deserves.
01:06:04.500You're taking another life, an animal's life, but sure, a life.
01:06:08.740You're impacting the environment when you do that.
01:06:15.460Like you're tapping into the circle of life.
01:06:17.700these are all reverent things so take it with the seriousness it deserves actually kip to pay you a
01:06:23.960compliment this is one thing you're really good at i should say the one thing that you're really
01:06:30.780good at though everything else yeah no this is this is actually one thing you're really good at
01:06:36.240like i want dude i watch the way you interact with the world you're not you don't go to jujitsu for
01:06:42.660fun. Now it is fun, I think for you, but you go to learn, to grow, to get better, to develop,
01:06:50.860to develop a skillset, to match whatever you're learning with other ways that it might apply in
01:06:55.240other aspects of your life. And a couple of years ago, when you started picking up bow hunting
01:06:59.800and you came out to Hawaii, I saw you, you'd go out early in the morning and you'd sling a couple
01:07:05.740of arrows. And it wasn't just like, eh, just throw a couple of arrows down range. It was like, no,
01:07:09.320I'm going to hide behind this tree and I'm going to get on my knees and I'm going to reach around
01:07:14.680the tree because that might be a shot I'll actually take. And I'm going to dial it in and I'm going to
01:07:20.420make the best of this situation, which is why the last several hunts that you and I have been on,
01:07:25.440you're successful. And then people will ask, well, how come I'm not successful? Because you don't
01:07:30.880take it with the level of seriousness that it deserves. And the people who do, whether it's
01:07:37.840hunting or jujitsu or underwater basket weaving are the people who get the most out of the
01:07:43.720experience. So my job is to milk every single little bit of information and feedback and insight
01:07:52.480and ideas and analogies that I can out of this conversation. I went skydiving last year. I didn't
01:07:59.140go just to have fun. It was terrifying. I'll probably never do it again. But when I went up
01:08:05.520there I told the instructor I said hey I'm never gonna do this again he's like why not I'm like
01:08:09.740because it's terrifying why would I stand over this desert of rocks knowing that my parachute
01:08:16.520might not open and then do it anyways why would I do that he's like it's fun I'm like I'm not here
01:08:21.420for fun I'm here for development and so he's like all right well what do you want to do then I said
01:08:27.100I want to do somersaults I want to do barrel rolls when I jump off this thing and he's like
01:08:33.440you do? I'm like, yeah. He's like, have you ever done this before? I'm like, no, this is the one
01:08:37.120and only time I will do this. So I want to do somersaults. He's like, all right, here's what
01:08:42.660you do. I'm like, well, how do I know? He's like, just count to three. Just do like, I'm like, what
01:08:46.680do I do? He's like, just do a somersault out of the, out of the thing. I'm like, all right. So
01:08:52.140that's what I did. And we get to the bottom, like how many somersaults or whatever did I do? He's
01:08:56.740like, you did three. That was awesome. Like that was awesome. And also he said, you're going to go
01:09:02.700again? I'm like, no, I already told you I'm not going. That's why we did summer salts.
01:09:09.100Like make the most out of everything. Just squeeze every inch of possibility that you
01:09:14.560can at everything. That's my philosophy. I love it, man. I love it. I remember I'll share a quick
01:09:23.360little story. I remember I had an employee. He came to me. It was, it was, it was kind of like
01:09:30.100a one-on-one meeting and i'm like how's how's how you like in the job how's things going he's like
01:09:36.060oh it's great i just need more challenge i i feel like i haven't mastered and i'm seasoned in this
01:09:44.920space and if i had to put him on a scale of one to ten he's like a four and i'm having a meeting
01:09:51.060with him and he's saying i got it all and i'm like what yeah i was almost set back i'm like you0.98
01:09:58.420arrogant prick, right? You have no idea, but it was fascinating because he wasn't seeing the other0.94
01:10:06.440things for him to learn. Cause he's being told he wanted to be told what to learn.
01:10:13.660And so he was thinking, Oh, I got it. Cause I, I don't have someone telling me to learn X next
01:10:19.300thing. I'm like fascinating how he has put this lid on the jar of his growth. Cause he stopped
01:10:28.220being curious and stopped pushing. And he was waiting to be told what to learn. And man, I see
01:10:38.380this all the time and I've experienced this in my life. You know, I've never written, I've probably
01:10:43.280written hundreds, hundreds and hundreds of statements of work or proposals, right? Where I
01:10:50.300build up a scope for a client. Probably the most boring thing that you ever do as a consultant is
01:10:55.820is building a statement of work to give to the client to sign off on, you know, with a dollar
01:11:01.040amount on the last page that usually freaks everybody out. You know, I've never kept that
01:11:07.120template the same ever, never. I have never used the exact same template. Every time I've ever
01:11:16.380written a proposal, the next proposal has always been a better version of the previous proposal
01:11:22.740always and in fact i wrote a proposal yesterday for a big contract and guess what that's the
01:11:30.920best proposal i have ever written my entire life why i could have easily used hundreds of copies
01:11:37.080that i've done before because i want to make it a better version because i wanted to make it amazing
01:11:44.000because I cared so like it's an attitude more than it is anything else oh I like that it's an
01:11:52.800attitude I like that I remember the first time I ever went and trained jujitsu I showed up and
01:12:02.640I can't we did a little bit of like instructional training and then they moved pretty quickly that
01:12:07.720night to open mats. And my, my instructor was like here, um, training against this guy. And
01:12:16.800he was like, he's like a buck 40. And he's like a nerd and had this curly hair. And I'm like,
01:12:23.960okay, training in this game. And I'm like, got like 60 pounds on the guy. And I'm like, okay,
01:12:31.440well, what do you want me to do? And he's like, just try not to get submitted. I'm like, yeah,
01:12:34.400okay i'll try thanks coach easy and this guy had me in a headlock within 20 seconds
01:12:41.740head triangle not a headlock a head triangle yeah like a head and arm a leg a leg yeah head
01:12:50.340and arm like a leg oh it was a leg triangle is what it was a leg okay yeah yeah and it wasn't
01:12:55.980like yeah it wasn't uh it wasn't yeah that's correct it was a it was a leg triangle and i was
01:13:01.280like what the heck just happened and so i got humbled really quick and then matt errington
01:13:06.640who's just you know matt he's a beast of a human being he's what six four probably a good a good
01:13:12.740230 240 at least i would say lean but he's and a lean 240 but he's lean and fit like he's a big
01:13:19.740dude and he's the guy who got me into jujitsu he's like here come train with us i'm like okay
01:13:24.880so and he was a brown belt at the time and i think he'd been training for maybe seven or eight
01:13:31.020years and and he's like all right like come train with me so i wouldn't train with him and
01:13:35.480um he got me in an omoplata which i didn't know what that was at the time other than it hurt0.98
01:13:41.820and it was advanced and the coach the instructor is like dude you're a jerk to matt he's like you're0.98
01:13:48.520a jerk he's like don't do that to him he's brand new and matt i remember i'll never forget what0.99
01:13:54.400matt said he's like no no no like you don't know like he would appreciate that and i actually did0.99
01:13:58.840like i did appreciate it and i got me like it was brutal but it got me thinking like what is this
01:14:06.360magic art like what is this thing and i put it wizardly yeah yeah and i loved it and i'd still
01:14:15.160love it and i think that's the attitude that you need to have is this humble heart and this idea
01:14:21.080of like going into whatever you do to nth degree and like telling people don't take it easy on me
01:14:26.280like teach me, like guide me, instruct me, help me learn. Don't, don't be, don't throw softballs
01:14:32.500at me. Let's go. Like, I want to do this for real. And like you said, the attitude is what
01:14:37.540makes the difference. It's always the attitude. I love stuff like that. Yeah. And it's the attitude
01:14:45.000of humility, right? Maybe that's our mantra for the call, right? I think of Matt Matucci's
01:14:49.860question around being authentic and not being overly concerned about what people think. And
01:14:55.200And sometimes we just need to be a little bit more humble, you know, and even in the resolving a conflict issue with our fathers to do that, you need to be humble to have grace.
01:15:08.240There's this level of humility that's required on your part, you know, and maybe we care a little, a little too much about how we look and, and need to let that ego go.