In this episode, the guys talk about how to deal with an angry wife, the benefits of dying your beard, and why women like it when men dye their hair gray. Also, we talk about why men tend to look younger than their female counterparts.
00:03:39.980and men ought to be leaning towards being the authority figure wisdom uh emotional temperance
00:03:49.920that's what women are looking for that's why if you look even just the marriage rates that's why
00:03:54.420men generally i don't know the statistic but it's probably 80 to 90 percent of the time are older
00:04:00.040than their partner obviously yeah that's why yeah and and part of our short end of the stick is0.90
00:04:06.240we were dumb in our early twenties. We're, our brains are still developing and we're really
00:04:13.980immature. So it kind of takes us a while to grow up. Well, that's actually part of the reason that
00:04:19.740women thrive so well. It's part, not the only, but part of the reason women thrive so well in1.00
00:04:24.600school, uh, pre, pre, you know, like elementary school, high school, and then post post-education,1.00
00:04:31.520post-secondary education is because their brains just mature faster so they're like why are boys0.96
00:04:37.140so stupid because we're acting three years younger than our age that's why yeah yeah because we0.99
00:04:43.340actually are stupid exactly but it is interesting even even in in the dating world you know and it's0.99
00:04:53.500often said that that men's value or worth from from a female's perspective goes up but as they0.99
00:05:02.400get older but the converse is also true that a woman's value to a man as they get older goes
00:05:09.440down so that's kind of an interesting phenomenon and it should give hope to any man who maybe go
00:05:15.320through goes through a divorce um later in life like your stock's still going up brother i'm
00:05:21.640telling you your stock is still going on time yeah so all right cool enough of that should we
00:05:28.940get into wholesome or not or whatever we're calling it yeah whatever you want to call it
00:05:34.600let's do it i have two all right so yellowstone and ufc is what i'm calling this yellowstone and
00:05:41.400ufc um okay where do you want to start the show or the national park the national park i'll let
00:05:47.840you pick where you want to start yellowstone or ufc where do you want to start uh let's let's kick
00:05:52.260off with ufc all right ufc obviously big fight weekend two big fights we had patty the baddie
00:05:58.860which i think his nickname's wrong his his it's wrong it's daddy patty the daddy like yeah that0.59
00:06:05.420guy is fucking incredible i mean the i don't know if it was a darse or an anaconda he threw on that0.84
00:06:11.440guy uh it's like a dar slash peruvian necktie yeah dude yeah and then he and then he was he was0.99
00:06:19.440actually very uh creative like he pulled him into him into his guard essentially and he threw his
00:06:26.660left leg over and his right leg notice how he kicked his hand his arm out and secured his other
00:06:32.300free arm out with his right leg i'm like dude that's very creative and he put that i don't even
00:06:38.620know who he fought but he put that dude to sleep i mean that guy was out you saw when the guy woke
00:06:44.560up he was like am i still fighting he didn't know what happened yeah yeah that dude he is amazing
00:06:51.180and i know gaichi you know touched him up pretty well but even still as he says scousers don't get
00:06:56.880knocked out like he stood his ground with gaichi i'd love to see that fight and run that one back
00:07:01.700but dude what a cool fight and then conor mcgregor dude i don't know what you think
00:07:09.080i'm conflicted on this one all right so hear me out so you have some greats right you have like
00:07:17.980i think about the world of football you have guys like joe montana who's a childhood hero of mine
00:07:25.720And then you've got guys like Tom Brady and, um, you know, just, just incredible players who don't know when it's time to leave. And as a competitor, I think, no, I Brett Favre is another one. And I'm like, I get that. I respect that. And also know your, know your role a little bit.
00:07:49.740like at some point it's time to evolve into a different stage of your life and from where I
00:07:56.180sat in the videos I've seen I don't I don't want to totally pass judgment on it but it's hard for
00:08:02.780me to believe that Conor Greger wasn't compromised before the fight but if you don't go fight you
00:08:09.080don't win your your purse so yeah I think he was kind of compromised before I mean even on the1.00
00:08:16.760walkout you saw like he couldn't even get out of his shoes without like having a little gimp or
00:08:20.840something so i don't like that i think it's i think it's very disingenuous i think it's i think
00:08:28.600it it taints the game a little bit i don't know not wholesome to me conor mcgregor's return
00:08:35.440was not wholesome um patty the dad i'm just gonna call him patty the daddy now instead of patty the
00:08:41.020batty. Wholesome. That guy is awesome. I love that guy. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. What's great0.84
00:08:49.060about Patty is his stock went up. Here's the wholesome element of him. His stock went up by
00:08:55.580losing to Gaethje. Oh, totally. He won, even though he lost. Absolutely. Absolutely. Because
00:09:01.280of the way he showed up. Exactly. Exactly. I've, I've known guys, I've seen fights where a guy
00:09:07.920lost but their character showed in the fight and you're just like i love that guy even more
00:09:15.860even though they lost the fight and and and that's that's patty obviously amazing jujitsu
00:09:22.580i saw the interview which i just love this because i was like man did he practice that move like i've
00:09:28.240never seen that before because i actually love an approvian necktie and so the fact that he did
00:09:33.520like a version of it with a darse i'm like what the crap and in the interview it was so great is
00:09:40.060he's like i've never even done that before right he's like i was just feeling it it was there0.89
00:09:45.840that and and of course you know he's cocky he's like that's how good my jiu-jitsu is you know
00:09:50.380what i mean but it's like dude that is true right but it was it was awesome you know the thing about
00:09:57.360connor that comes to mind is i like to just look at it a little bit deeper right why come back and
00:10:03.980you're right right there's there's a lot of evidence that would justify one to come back
00:10:09.440even though they're compromised and that's why we question it because it's like well if he is
00:10:14.100compromised and he canceled the fight what's on the line a lot of things so really not a lot
00:10:19.100millions of dollars millions of dollars yeah and reputation so you can't help but go if he was
00:10:25.260compromise would he still show up and most people would i would yeah so of course i would yeah so
00:10:32.520you can't help but assume that the the part i like to talk about a little bit around connor is
00:10:38.400the same thing you see with dustin poirier and the same thing we see with probably the guy that
00:10:44.140we were talking about before we hit record people tie their identities to things and they tie their
00:10:51.400identities to things that expire. And be careful that you're not defining who you are based upon
00:10:58.980something you're going to lose. And I think Dustin Poirier alluded to that with his mishap at the
00:11:07.280airport and his kind of in this moment of depression after his retirement, I would argue
00:11:13.520it's the same demons that Conor McGregor is fighting with letting go is who he is, his
00:11:19.780intrinsic value he believes is in him fighting and eventually that's going to expire so what do you
00:11:26.780do with it i like i like the terminology don't tie your identity to things that will expire
00:11:34.020that could be fighting that could be law enforcement that could be corporate executive
00:11:38.620that could be father and that won't expire just evolve a soldier i i do take a little bit of issue
00:11:44.980kip hear me out on this one tell me what you think when you say that mishap that happened at the
00:11:50.640airport i i take a little issue with that because that is so such passive language and when i saw
00:11:58.380that yeah i wasn't bought i was i was i was a little bothered by that but i wasn't disappointed
00:12:05.200in him i actually had empathy for him in that moment but let's not call it a mishap let's call
00:12:12.020it a breakdown he created it yeah let's call it for what it really is and that's what guys need
00:12:17.260to understand like when you have a brother and he steps out on his wife or he gets into substance
00:12:24.480abuse or he gets himself in trouble or he makes bad financial decisions let's not call it a mishap
00:12:30.120let's say you made poor decisions and also i have empathy for you i can see why you might feel that
00:12:39.600way but let's we really do need to call it for what it is i like i saw that breakdown from dust
00:12:44.860and i was like dude i had so much empathy because obviously he was he was inebriated i don't know
00:12:51.240if he was drinking or doing drugs but he was inebriated yeah yeah and it's like dude that's
00:12:57.080not a mishap that was a conscious choice and i also understand where some of that might spring
00:13:03.600from especially somebody who's trying to constantly fight the temptation of alcohol abuse like i get
00:13:09.580it. I understand, but we need to call it out for what it really is. Yeah. And anyone that's
00:13:14.960listening that goes, well, you know, that's too harsh, Ryan. No, listen to Poirier. He knows
00:13:20.240that when he's in a certain mental state, he shouldn't be drinking. He admits to that. Like,
00:13:25.340yeah, I know I shouldn't have been. Yeah. And, and he did anyway. So what do you expect when you,
00:13:30.620especially if you have a history and you have knowledge of how you're going to react in those
00:13:34.680circumstances yeah no i feel dude i feel for those guys like especially when i feel i wonder
00:13:41.380how dana white feels about this stuff like i i gets talked about sometimes but i'm like dude
00:13:48.420you're you're making guys fight against you're not making them that's not the right word i'm
00:13:54.520trying to use proper proper verbiage like be precise with your language um you're not making
00:14:01.240them but you are exploiting it you're definitely exploiting it and a lot of these guys come from
00:14:08.060broken homes they come from broken families they come from tragedy they come from substance abuse
00:14:14.520and you're giving them a way out i understand that but i'd actually be curious about and maybe
00:14:21.440there is i don't know so i'm not going to jump to conclusions but i wish the ufc focused
00:14:26.600heavily on mental health like how do we train these guys to be mentally healthy how do we
00:14:35.180train them to rise above their circumstances outside of the octagon i would love if maybe
00:14:41.660they do i'm not saying they don't maybe they do but i would love to see that aspect of ufc
00:14:46.680i really would yeah or even retirement assistance you know to help them exit well at least yeah
00:14:54.680yeah yeah all right so ufc all right so we talked about yellowstone and ufc did you see this thing
00:15:01.920in yellowstone where this this bison threw this guy eight feet in the air oh man well i i no i
00:15:10.040didn't but i didn't i did i already knew what was gonna like the minute you said the park i was like0.88
00:15:14.480oh got it another retarded tourist doing a selfie with a bison maybe or i actually i'm not gonna0.80
00:15:22.040pass judgment because it's hard to tell in the moment that the the tourist was so the bison was0.92
00:15:27.620on one side of the road and this is a big bull and he's like tearing through a camp and messing
00:15:33.680things up and people are taking video or whatever and across the street and i mean based on what i
00:15:39.060saw i'd probably say it was like 50 to 80 yards if i had to guess but again sometimes pretty far
00:15:45.200that's a good distance if i had to guess that's about what it would be and so there was this
00:15:49.640older gentleman and his wife just i don't even think people say he's taking video but then
00:15:55.840there's other video that looks like he's actually just looking through binoculars
00:15:58.620and and so i don't i don't know i didn't look at it that deeply but this this bison decided to be
00:16:05.420pissed and ran across the street and chased him around some bushes around and around and around0.79
00:16:11.620and the guy was running through it and um i'm trying not to laugh because i'll go to hell0.86
00:16:18.700But, I mean, picked him up, threw him eight feet in the air.
00:17:14.480And so wholesome, the bison is wholesome.
00:17:18.000and also bison's doing what a bison does be smart man be smart there's a story a fable about a young
00:17:26.940boy and a snake and i think it's aesop's fables and there's 12 or 13 of them or whatever and a
00:17:35.560boy comes to a river and he's going to cross the river and he runs across a snake and the snake
00:17:40.200says hey will you help me cross the river and the boy says i'm not going to take you across the river
00:17:45.020you're a snake you'll bite me he's like no no no I won't bite you I just need to get across the
00:17:48.880river and he's like no no I'm not gonna take you like you're gonna bite me he's like no I promise
00:17:53.980I won't so the boy says okay well I'll carry you in my arms and so he picks up the snake and he
00:17:57.720starts to ford the river and the snake says it's cold can you put me in your jacket and the boy
00:18:02.480says no I'm not gonna put you in my jacket like you'll bite me if I put you in my jacket he says
00:18:07.540no no I'm just cold put me in your jacket so I can be warm and then when we get to the other side
00:18:13.040let me go and I'll leave. And so the boy says, okay, I'll put you in my jacket. So the boy puts
00:18:17.480the snake in the jacket and he fords the river and he gets across to the other side and he's
00:18:22.120going in to take the snake out and the snake bites him. And he says, hey, you said you weren't
00:18:29.600going to bite me and you still bit me. And the snake says, you knew what I was when you picked
00:18:34.940me up and you still chose to pick me up. And then the snake slid it off and the boy, I don't know
00:18:40.560if he died or whatever but that's the story here you know a bison is a bison you know a mountain
00:18:48.100lion is a mountain lion you know that conniving woman who you're trying to escape is a conniving1.00
00:18:53.080woman you know your boss is an asshole you you know all those things and and still you try to0.99
00:18:59.180talk yourself out of it because you want to be a quote decent human being well you know we're still0.99
00:19:06.020human beings and we're still animals and we ought to be prepared and aware of what could potentially
00:19:10.480happen to us because if we don't we put ourselves and we put the people that we love and care about0.93
00:19:16.280in risk women are notorious for this they're too nice for their own good and this is why a lot of
00:19:21.980the times and i'm not victim blaming but this is why a lot of the times they put themselves in
00:19:26.080compromising positions there's been studies that actually show that women and men actually will put
00:19:32.240themselves in compromising positions because they're too afraid of looking racist or judgmental
00:19:39.800or bigoted. And yet they'll put themselves in dangerous situations because they don't want to
00:19:45.820be called a bigot or a racist or fill in the blank. It's really wild, man. And this is the
00:19:53.120plight of evolution and being at the top of the food chain. Yeah. Well, and I think a part of
00:19:59.820this comes down to, we don't like, you know, we don't know bison. We don't know these things
00:20:05.980because we don't hunt and we don't see our food and we get it from grocery stores and that's part
00:20:11.620of the issue issue like even something as simple as a cow people might be like oh cattle cows oh
00:20:18.380they're they're soft i don't remember some of those cows being soft when i was a kid
00:20:24.000like i mean we intentionally run into the corral wait for one to chase us and then sprint to the
00:20:32.760to the corner and like squeeze out really quick before they trample us right like trample us so
00:20:38.000like and that's a cow that's not even a predator and he's trying to kill me you know what i mean
00:20:44.760so it's like we we have an unhealthy relationship with the animal kingdom i think in in general and
00:20:52.420nature yeah for that matter yeah bro i i i remember a situation just for the sake of time
00:21:00.620I won't get into it it was with my oldest son I thought we were gonna die I really did I'm like
00:21:07.700and I told him at the time like bud you need to know like we're dehydrated we don't have any water
00:21:15.760left we're we're we're beginning to see the early stages of heat exhaustion and like people hear
00:21:26.480that. And they're like, Oh no, you're no, I'm not exaggerating. I was, I was actually really worried
00:21:31.840and it wasn't even a predator. It was the sun and lack of water, bro. And I like,
00:21:41.260obviously everything was okay, but it's, it's the real deal. When you start getting out there,
00:21:47.760I remember my oldest son also, um, when you talked about the cows, I remember, uh, years ago,
00:21:54.520probably 10 years or plus at this point yeah it's probably about 10 years ago so he's eight or so
00:22:00.460and I look out in the pasture and we had this big billy goat this big rad billy goat at the time
00:22:07.500and it was getting to be you know like mating season and so he's out there in the pasture and0.55
00:22:12.620I see the billy goat like stomp out and he saw him and I'm like oh shit I gotta get out there
00:22:18.640and so this billy goat like runs up to him and just like squares up with him like he's
00:22:24.400gonna ram him and my kids like seven or eight years old at the time like god so i ran out there
00:22:29.540and the billy goat kind of nudges him a couple of times and then i see him start stomping like
00:22:36.080he's gonna ram him and breckin starts running he starts running and he turns around he's like
00:22:43.180he real i could see it in real time breckin's like i realize i can't make it to the fence in time
00:22:47.920so he turns around and there's this two before on the ground in the field and he picks it up
00:22:54.280and that billy goat comes at him and he just wham baseball bat swings him across the forehead
00:23:00.060and the billy goat kind of like stumbles and like what just happened and as soon as he hit him he
00:23:06.500just ran to the fence and like hopped over the fence and the billy goat was like on his heels
00:23:10.360and i get out there about the time he gets across the fence and he's like his eyes are
00:23:16.140and he's like yeah that was scary i'm like yeah i bet it was he's like he almost got me i'm like
00:23:24.260like, yeah, he almost did good work. And he's like, I'm not going in there again. I'm like,
00:23:29.840good lesson. Good idea. It's real, man. But people aren't exposed to that the way we used to be.
00:23:36.740Yeah. Even chickens, right? Those, those suckers are like for little kids,
00:23:41.680those chickens would be dangerous. Totally. Yeah, totally. All right, man. Well,0.61
00:23:45.960good reminiscing, good talking about these things. So I think what we decided is that,
00:23:50.360at least what i decided is that patty the daddy is wholesome conor mcgregor was hurt before the
00:23:58.400fight that's not wholesome and animals in the wild protecting themselves is wholesome that's
00:24:05.220what i decided yeah and and we live with we live in their environment so we have to respect him
00:24:11.360yeah all right yeah all right let's get to some questions yeah so we're gonna kick off with uh
00:24:17.800Matt Mattucci, he says, why does it feel like it's nearly impossible to have genuine and authentic thoughts, emotions, and actions in everyday life?
00:24:29.320What are the main things that steer you towards being in alignment with your authentic self?
00:24:39.280Okay, so I'm thinking about this from two angles.
00:24:41.260When Matt says impossible, do you think he's talking about his own self-assessment or do you think he's talking about the criticism from other people?
00:24:51.780I think it's the driving force in himself to just not be himself, right?
00:40:08.040But all you need to do is tell the truth.
00:40:10.020if you're frustrated with your wife and it's been looming over your head for a day or two
00:40:14.680just go to her and say hey babe look this is as honest as you can be in that situation i've had
00:40:20.780this situation happen where it's like hey babe look like i don't know what's been going on the
00:40:24.820last week you know we had that little argument a week ago and i was mad at you and you were mad at
00:40:31.600me and i've been thinking about it and i'm still a little bothered about this this and this but
00:40:37.320also i'd rather work through it than just be distant bitter with each other like this is the
00:40:43.860issue that i took and this is what i want to do to fix it you do you want to do that with me
00:40:49.440she's gonna say yes like she's going to say yes um it's just being honest that's all not
00:40:59.000vulnerability not not in touch with your feminine side it's just being honest and connecting your
00:41:04.940heart with your words that's it yeah and that's where we'll get more growth anyway which is a
00:41:11.860beautiful thing well and not to mention it's fair to the other person like why are you gonna abuse
00:41:17.300the other person through distance and ignoring them and the silent treatment that's not fair to
00:41:22.920them either yeah yeah i like it all right colton reyes i lost my job six months ago after 15 years
00:41:33.340at the same company. I've applied everywhere and just landed something, but it's a pay cut
00:41:38.980and a title downgrade. How does a man process that hit to his identity as a provider without
00:41:46.980spiraling into shame every time he walks in the door? You have the wrong definition of provider,
00:41:53.580bro. It's the wrong definition because the definition you're currently using is
00:42:02.560have the best job in the world make the most money you can that's not a provider you know
00:42:07.340what a provider is somebody who sacrifices on behalf of the people that he loves and that's
00:42:13.860what you're doing right now bro if order a man went under business out of business and i couldn't0.59
00:42:18.900find another job i would go flip fucking burgers at mcdonald's if i had to to put a roof over my0.95
00:42:24.260head and my kids's head and put food on their table i would do that and i i wouldn't it wouldn't0.98
00:42:29.800be a permanent situation but i would do that and i would be proud about it i would be proud i'd be
00:42:37.380like i don't this is this is work that's quote unquote beneath me and i'm still doing it because
00:42:42.480i'm the provider for my children you have nothing to be ashamed about when you do work that you
00:42:49.240consider beneath you because you're sacrificing on behalf of the people that you love hold your
00:42:55.780head up high, bro. Be proud. Now, do work to find a better position or elevate you within the company
00:43:04.160that you're with, but you don't need to. This world will just like, especially in social media,
00:43:11.340will chew you up and be like, oh, you're flipping burgers. You're damn right I'm flipping burgers.
00:43:15.720I didn't take welfare. I didn't take government handouts. I didn't ask for random strangers on a0.93
00:43:22.480GoFundMe account. I fucking went to work and I flipped burgers so I could make rent this month.0.98
00:43:28.880You should be proud about that, not discouraged about it. And then go to work on building up0.98
00:43:34.440your resume, building up your skillset, keep putting your applications out there,
00:43:39.340keep doing interviews, but do what a man does, which is sacrifice for the people that he loves
00:43:44.460and cares about. Amen. Yeah. The phrase that comes to mind is you're not defined by your
00:43:51.140circumstances, you're defined by how you show up in spite of them. So how you show up in the
00:43:58.940circumstance, man, that's everything. And guess what? Maybe this is Dylan reality moment, right?
00:44:06.720The market says that you were probably maybe being overpaid. Maybe not. I don't know. But it is what
00:44:13.620it is. So what are you going to do about it? But that doesn't define you. That just means that,
00:44:18.180how's this you know what this means it means that you're making less than you made before
00:44:24.760that's what it means that's it that's all the other stuff that you've added meaning to
00:44:29.960that's all just made up the truth is you're making less than you did before
00:44:37.040why figure that out temporarily by the way yeah yeah i got a guy so i'm in southern utah i've got
00:44:47.180a guy who I went to Iraq with and he and his family own, I don't even know, probably a dozen
00:44:56.300or two, two dozen McDonald's franchises here in Southern Utah. If I was out of work and I couldn't
00:45:04.760find a job, I would call him humbly and I would say, Hey, I need a job. Can I come work the
00:45:13.480registers? And he would say yes. And I would also tell him, hey, I just want you to know,
00:45:20.120I want to run this store in the next four months.
00:45:25.540So I'm all in. Like I will, I will be here on time. I will work late. I will put in extra hours.
00:45:33.640I will teach everything I know to, to the team. I will be a team player. I will follow the system.
00:45:39.460if there's opportunities for me to go to any training or to jump on mcdonald's calls that
00:45:44.560you guys do i'll do it all i'll do everything whatever and i'd run that store in six months
00:45:51.280and maybe i would or maybe i wouldn't maybe i'd go find another job or whatever else but you're
00:45:58.380damn right that i will do everything i can to be the best employee that mcdonald's has ever seen
00:46:03.440and i would have no shame in that at all yeah none yeah keep your head up colton absolutely0.94
00:46:10.980it's tough right like it is tough you know it's easy for us to say oh man just change your attitude
00:46:15.320like most men would feel how you're feeling right i would too not that it that is ideal
00:46:21.160but take action i would still feel that way too but i'd still get after it yeah yeah you can you
00:46:28.340can do it all right you lost your job you know what here's i'll say one other thing to colton
00:46:32.280i don't know how i don't know how old colton is i'm 45 maybe he's younger maybe he's older i don't
00:46:39.760i don't know how old he is it's gonna be okay man like if you're younger let's say you're 25 30 years
00:46:48.060old i promise you in 15 years you're gonna look back and say you know what i'm so grateful that
00:46:55.420happened this doesn't feel like it but you will if you do the right things if you just cry and0.69
00:47:01.060bitch and moan and complain then you'll always be resentful but if you do the right things you'll
00:47:05.700start looking back and saying oh thank god literally thank god that happened because look0.98
00:47:12.220where i am now yeah yeah all right micah sorenson quick question what's a piece of the manosphere
00:47:22.760advice you actively disagree with oh this is easy that women are the enemy0.97
00:47:28.600like that's such a ridiculous thought like how could you ever consider a woman who you can0.91
00:47:38.620partner with and fit with literally and figuratively to bring a child into the world0.94
00:47:45.540to raise them in righteousness to help soften some of your edges to help toughen her up to1.00
00:47:51.600some degree and think this is an evil institution this is an evil design i hate that shit man now1.00
00:47:59.420look there's evil women there's damaged women the same as there's evil men and damaged men of course1.00
00:48:07.220but they're not the enemy they're they're an ally and your job is to become
00:48:14.020a strong enough man a good enough man a capable enough man that you attract the type of woman
00:48:22.180who will be a good partner for you i had this experience again i'm in the i'm in the in the
00:48:27.040dating scene which is so weird at 45 but i had this experience and um several months ago i asked
00:48:33.480this woman on a date and and i said hey would you like to go out this day and she said um
00:48:38.840she says no she didn't even say no she said are you available these other two days
00:48:44.360and i said no i'm not and i didn't explain i don't need to explain myself to a stranger i said no i'm
00:48:52.720not available those two those two days but if that day doesn't work for you i can go out with
00:48:57.140you next week and i never and i didn't hear back from her but i didn't chase her around like i
00:49:03.480I don't, I'm not going to chase somebody around. And so she messaged me several days later and she
00:49:09.980said, well, I date, this is what she said. She said, I date a lot. And if I'm low on your list,
00:49:16.200then please just tell me now and I can just bow out. And that's a shit test.0.99
00:49:25.980Like she's poking and prodding. I don't know if she dates a lot or doesn't, but that's a way for1.00
00:49:31.380her to rub it in to say she's the catch. And so I messaged her back and I said, Hey, I asked you
00:49:37.120out that day. You didn't say yes or no. You asked me if there was another day you could go out.
00:49:42.760You didn't answer me back. I said, I can take you out early next week. You didn't answer me back.
00:49:48.880So yeah, you're low on my list. You don't respond. You don't answer me back.
00:49:55.080So it sounds like the timing's off. I wish you the best.
00:49:58.720and what the reason I bring that up is because it speaks to worth right and that's that's what
00:50:06.660you need to know is that there's a level of worth to you that you don't need to chase people around
00:50:12.960you don't need to acquiesce to every person's whim and desire you don't need to play every person's
00:50:19.580game that they require or request of you like go out make yourself who you need to make yourself
00:50:25.800to be. Just live your life. Be bold. Create options. And the more you do, I think the less
00:50:34.080likely you are to get sucked into things that aren't going to serve you well. Yeah. All right.
00:50:39.000Elliot Marsh, tough situation here. He says, my dad is in the early stages of dementia.
00:50:44.840In some days, he doesn't know who I am. I spent years wanting his approval, and now I'm not sure
00:50:51.620I'll get closure on that. And the question just changed. How do you make peace with a relationship
00:50:58.860that's ending before the grief even starts? How do you make ends? I thought the question was like,
00:51:07.320how do I deal with my dad having dementia, not knowing me, not, I have an incomplete,
00:51:12.240unresolved relationship with my father um a contract works both ways
00:51:22.680one one party's supposed to uphold their end and then the other party's supposed to uphold
00:51:31.280their end independently by the way like i don't only uphold my end because kip if you and i
00:51:37.460entered into agreement let's say dependent on me no it's not because i made the agreement so
00:51:42.220So, for example, if I said I'm going to pay you X dollars a month to help me do this podcast, like it isn't dependent immediately in the immediacy.
00:51:55.500It isn't dependent on whether or not you show up necessarily or how you how you show up is probably a better way to say it.
00:52:01.940I said I would pay you this amount of money a month.
00:52:05.420Now, I'm going to evaluate and say, is it worth me continuing to pay this amount of month based on your performance?
00:52:10.740and if the answer is no then we'll renegotiate the contract um but my word is my word like if
00:52:18.780i said i'm gonna do this thing i'm gonna do this thing and it doesn't really matter about how you
00:52:22.520show up now if you break the contract early enough i say to you hey i'll pay you this amount of money
00:52:27.700per month if you show up and you don't show up then i don't owe you anything you made that decision
00:52:32.640independent of our agreement so therefore i get to change my the way i'm not even changing it's
00:52:39.560just you didn't meet the agreement, so I'm not paying you. And so the way that this applies to
00:52:45.060your father is there's an agreement there in some ways, but there's also what we call a covert
00:52:52.920contract. And the covert contract that you have in place right now says your dad was supposed to
00:52:59.740show up this way. He was supposed to call me. He was supposed to be there on my birthday. He was
00:53:06.060supposed to visit the grandkids for Christmas, but he had no idea. So you know what that is?
00:53:14.140Not a contract. How can a person enter into a contract if they're incapable of entering into
00:53:21.040a contract? Kip, if I had a contract between you and I, I was like, here's all the things I want
00:53:26.440kid to do. Signed it, notarized it, but you didn't see it. Like, is that really a contract? No,
00:53:37.800it's not. That's what you're doing right now. He didn't see it. So here's the beauty of it.
00:53:42.560It's hard. It's really hard. But here's the beauty of it. Because he never entered into
00:53:48.360the contract, you can cancel the contract anytime you want. You just have to make that decision.
00:53:56.440and so you might say to yourself well i wanted him to show up for my birthday but he never did
00:54:02.640okay he didn't owe that to you didn't talk to him about that he didn't owe that to you
00:54:07.580should he have done it yeah did he no so he didn't do it so cancel the contract well he was supposed
00:54:17.260to call my grandkids and be involved in their life and all these things well did he know that
00:54:22.520no because you didn't talk to him about it okay cancel the contract he didn't do it cancel it
00:54:27.480right now cancel it and give him some grace man because it's not so much about him it's about you
00:54:34.720i didn't find the grace that my father deserved until after he died i started really analyzing
00:54:41.800the way he showed up and the way that he didn't and what he did and what he didn't do and i'm like
00:54:46.400you know, given his, given his circumstances, I probably would have done the same thing.
00:54:56.380And so I'm going to go ahead and cancel that contract with my father that I had. I'm going
00:55:00.660to go ahead and cancel that one. And I'm just going to now at this point be charitable
00:55:05.480and the charitable, the charity that I have for my father is grace. It's forgiveness. I talked to
00:55:14.020him occasionally, like, hey, dad, oof, might get emotional.
00:55:26.220I might say, like, really wish you were here for Brecken's first college game.
01:06:01.300And also approach it with the seriousness that it deserves.
01:06:04.500You're taking another life, an animal's life, but sure, a life.
01:06:08.740You're impacting the environment when you do that.
01:06:15.460Like you're tapping into the circle of life.
01:06:17.700these are all reverent things so take it with the seriousness it deserves actually kip to pay you a
01:06:23.960compliment this is one thing you're really good at i should say the one thing that you're really
01:06:30.780good at though everything else yeah no this is this is actually one thing you're really good at
01:06:36.240like i want dude i watch the way you interact with the world you're not you don't go to jujitsu for
01:06:42.660fun. Now it is fun, I think for you, but you go to learn, to grow, to get better, to develop,
01:06:50.860to develop a skillset, to match whatever you're learning with other ways that it might apply in
01:06:55.240other aspects of your life. And a couple of years ago, when you started picking up bow hunting
01:06:59.800and you came out to Hawaii, I saw you, you'd go out early in the morning and you'd sling a couple
01:07:05.740of arrows. And it wasn't just like, eh, just throw a couple of arrows down range. It was like, no,
01:07:09.320I'm going to hide behind this tree and I'm going to get on my knees and I'm going to reach around
01:07:14.680the tree because that might be a shot I'll actually take. And I'm going to dial it in and I'm going to
01:07:20.420make the best of this situation, which is why the last several hunts that you and I have been on,
01:07:25.440you're successful. And then people will ask, well, how come I'm not successful? Because you don't
01:07:30.880take it with the level of seriousness that it deserves. And the people who do, whether it's
01:07:37.840hunting or jujitsu or underwater basket weaving are the people who get the most out of the
01:07:43.720experience. So my job is to milk every single little bit of information and feedback and insight
01:07:52.480and ideas and analogies that I can out of this conversation. I went skydiving last year. I didn't
01:07:59.140go just to have fun. It was terrifying. I'll probably never do it again. But when I went up
01:08:05.520there I told the instructor I said hey I'm never gonna do this again he's like why not I'm like
01:08:09.740because it's terrifying why would I stand over this desert of rocks knowing that my parachute
01:08:16.520might not open and then do it anyways why would I do that he's like it's fun I'm like I'm not here
01:08:21.420for fun I'm here for development and so he's like all right well what do you want to do then I said
01:08:27.100I want to do somersaults I want to do barrel rolls when I jump off this thing and he's like
01:08:33.440you do? I'm like, yeah. He's like, have you ever done this before? I'm like, no, this is the one
01:08:37.120and only time I will do this. So I want to do somersaults. He's like, all right, here's what
01:08:42.660you do. I'm like, well, how do I know? He's like, just count to three. Just do like, I'm like, what
01:08:46.680do I do? He's like, just do a somersault out of the, out of the thing. I'm like, all right. So
01:08:52.140that's what I did. And we get to the bottom, like how many somersaults or whatever did I do? He's
01:08:56.740like, you did three. That was awesome. Like that was awesome. And also he said, you're going to go
01:09:02.700again? I'm like, no, I already told you I'm not going. That's why we did summer salts.
01:09:09.100Like make the most out of everything. Just squeeze every inch of possibility that you
01:09:14.560can at everything. That's my philosophy. I love it, man. I love it. I remember I'll share a quick
01:09:23.360little story. I remember I had an employee. He came to me. It was, it was, it was kind of like
01:09:30.100a one-on-one meeting and i'm like how's how's how you like in the job how's things going he's like
01:09:36.060oh it's great i just need more challenge i i feel like i haven't mastered and i'm seasoned in this
01:09:44.920space and if i had to put him on a scale of one to ten he's like a four and i'm having a meeting
01:09:51.060with him and he's saying i got it all and i'm like what yeah i was almost set back i'm like you0.98
01:09:58.420arrogant prick, right? You have no idea, but it was fascinating because he wasn't seeing the other0.94
01:10:06.440things for him to learn. Cause he's being told he wanted to be told what to learn.
01:10:13.660And so he was thinking, Oh, I got it. Cause I, I don't have someone telling me to learn X next
01:10:19.300thing. I'm like fascinating how he has put this lid on the jar of his growth. Cause he stopped
01:10:28.220being curious and stopped pushing. And he was waiting to be told what to learn. And man, I see
01:10:38.380this all the time and I've experienced this in my life. You know, I've never written, I've probably
01:10:43.280written hundreds, hundreds and hundreds of statements of work or proposals, right? Where I
01:10:50.300build up a scope for a client. Probably the most boring thing that you ever do as a consultant is
01:10:55.820is building a statement of work to give to the client to sign off on, you know, with a dollar
01:11:01.040amount on the last page that usually freaks everybody out. You know, I've never kept that
01:11:07.120template the same ever, never. I have never used the exact same template. Every time I've ever
01:11:16.380written a proposal, the next proposal has always been a better version of the previous proposal
01:11:22.740always and in fact i wrote a proposal yesterday for a big contract and guess what that's the
01:11:30.920best proposal i have ever written my entire life why i could have easily used hundreds of copies
01:11:37.080that i've done before because i want to make it a better version because i wanted to make it amazing
01:11:44.000because I cared so like it's an attitude more than it is anything else oh I like that it's an
01:11:52.800attitude I like that I remember the first time I ever went and trained jujitsu I showed up and
01:12:02.640I can't we did a little bit of like instructional training and then they moved pretty quickly that
01:12:07.720night to open mats. And my, my instructor was like here, um, training against this guy. And
01:12:16.800he was like, he's like a buck 40. And he's like a nerd and had this curly hair. And I'm like,
01:12:23.960okay, training in this game. And I'm like, got like 60 pounds on the guy. And I'm like, okay,
01:12:31.440well, what do you want me to do? And he's like, just try not to get submitted. I'm like, yeah,
01:12:34.400okay i'll try thanks coach easy and this guy had me in a headlock within 20 seconds
01:12:41.740head triangle not a headlock a head triangle yeah like a head and arm a leg a leg yeah head
01:12:50.340and arm like a leg oh it was a leg triangle is what it was a leg okay yeah yeah and it wasn't
01:12:55.980like yeah it wasn't uh it wasn't yeah that's correct it was a it was a leg triangle and i was
01:13:01.280like what the heck just happened and so i got humbled really quick and then matt errington
01:13:06.640who's just you know matt he's a beast of a human being he's what six four probably a good a good
01:13:12.740230 240 at least i would say lean but he's and a lean 240 but he's lean and fit like he's a big
01:13:19.740dude and he's the guy who got me into jujitsu he's like here come train with us i'm like okay
01:13:24.880so and he was a brown belt at the time and i think he'd been training for maybe seven or eight
01:13:31.020years and and he's like all right like come train with me so i wouldn't train with him and
01:13:35.480um he got me in an omoplata which i didn't know what that was at the time other than it hurt0.98
01:13:41.820and it was advanced and the coach the instructor is like dude you're a jerk to matt he's like you're0.98
01:13:48.520a jerk he's like don't do that to him he's brand new and matt i remember i'll never forget what0.99
01:13:54.400matt said he's like no no no like you don't know like he would appreciate that and i actually did0.99
01:13:58.840like i did appreciate it and i got me like it was brutal but it got me thinking like what is this
01:14:06.360magic art like what is this thing and i put it wizardly yeah yeah and i loved it and i'd still
01:14:15.160love it and i think that's the attitude that you need to have is this humble heart and this idea
01:14:21.080of like going into whatever you do to nth degree and like telling people don't take it easy on me
01:14:26.280like teach me, like guide me, instruct me, help me learn. Don't, don't be, don't throw softballs
01:14:32.500at me. Let's go. Like, I want to do this for real. And like you said, the attitude is what
01:14:37.540makes the difference. It's always the attitude. I love stuff like that. Yeah. And it's the attitude
01:14:45.000of humility, right? Maybe that's our mantra for the call, right? I think of Matt Matucci's
01:14:49.860question around being authentic and not being overly concerned about what people think. And
01:14:55.200And sometimes we just need to be a little bit more humble, you know, and even in the resolving a conflict issue with our fathers to do that, you need to be humble to have grace.
01:15:08.240There's this level of humility that's required on your part, you know, and maybe we care a little, a little too much about how we look and, and need to let that ego go.