Order of Man - LT. COLONEL BRIAN SLADE ｜ Triumph Over Trauma

00:00:00.000 Every one of us has experienced trauma of some sort in our lives, some more challenging scenarios

00:00:04.860 than others, but it doesn't do any good to compare our own circumstances with others.

00:00:10.760 Only what those who seem to be able to manage and work past the difficulties of life can teach us.

00:00:17.020 Combat rescue helicopter pilot, Lieutenant Colonel Brian Slade joins me today to talk about

00:00:21.940 strategies that he's learned and developed for overcoming some of the worst scenarios he and

00:00:27.860 others have overcome in their lives. We discussed the concept of chair flying as a method for

00:00:33.020 anticipating and preparing for traumatic events. The difference between those who adapt to challenge

00:00:38.800 and those who don't. Why we as men need to wrap our heads around operating in the ugly, as he calls it,

00:00:44.660 overcoming festering emotional wounds and how to triumph over trauma.

00:00:48.780 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your

00:00:53.620 own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time. You are not easily

00:00:59.560 deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who you are. This is who

00:01:06.940 you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:01:13.280 Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler. I'm the host and the founder of the podcast

00:01:18.080 and the movement Order of Man. Welcome here today. I've got a very powerful one for you and one that

00:01:23.820 as men, we don't talk a lot about, which is trauma, emotional wounds, scars, trying to heal

00:01:31.020 emotionally, overcome some of the traumatic life experiences that we've had. We shy away from it.

00:01:36.360 We don't talk about it. And the problem with that is that it ends up festering, getting worse,

00:01:42.480 and then creating problems for us down the road. Usually that manifests in the way that we show up

00:01:47.900 or potential substance abuse or destructive behaviors. And we realize too late that we let

00:01:55.940 these emotional wounds and scars impact our lives negatively. So we need to address it often and

00:02:02.660 early. And we're going to talk about that today. If you don't know what we're all about, we're doing

00:02:05.920 interviews with incredible men like my guest today, Colonel Brian Slade. We've had Terry Cruz and Tim

00:02:11.720 Tebow and Jocko and Tim Kennedy and David Goggins on the podcast as well. Powerful, powerful lineup of

00:02:18.620 men who band with us, believe in the mission of reclaiming and restoring masculinity. And that's

00:02:23.780 what we're doing. So glad you're here. I'm going to get right into it today. I don't have a whole lot

00:02:27.520 of announcements. You know, I do have one, the Iron Council, our exclusive brotherhood is open.

00:02:32.400 You can check that out at orderofman.com slash Iron Council. Just go watch a two to three minute

00:02:38.680 video and you'll get an idea of what that's all about. And I'll explain more about it later in

00:02:42.320 the conversation. But for now, let me introduce you to my guest. Again, his name is Lieutenant

00:02:46.320 Colonel Brian Slade. He is a combat rescue helicopter evacuation pilot in the United States

00:02:54.040 Air Force. He's got 25 years of military service. He's also a real estate professional

00:02:59.060 and a brand new author. His debut book, Cleared Hot, is a nonfiction account of what it takes to face

00:03:06.460 your fears and overcome potential PTSD. When it comes to war and life, there are a lot of things

00:03:12.880 that can happen, obviously. And while we can't always control what happens, we can control how

00:03:18.120 we react to it. So in this book, he recounts his experience and some of the stories he actually

00:03:22.640 shares during the conversation, his experiences in the military, how he overcame the challenges that

00:03:29.060 he faced both during and after his service. His story is very, very inspirational. It's very

00:03:33.940 educational. And I think it's probably sure to help anyone dealing with PTSD or any other kind

00:03:39.980 of trauma. Enjoy this one, fellas. Brian, what's up? So great to see you. Glad you could join me.

00:03:46.020 Thanks. I'm glad to be here. Excited to get this conversation under on the roll.

00:03:52.200 Yeah. We have a good friend, a good mutual friend in Larry Hagner. And when Larry reaches out and says,

00:03:57.520 hey, man, you got to talk with this guy. I'm like, all right, I got to talk with this guy.

00:04:00.200 He wouldn't speak as highly as he does of you if he didn't mean it. So I'm glad we could make it

00:04:04.780 happen. Yeah. I really enjoyed getting to know him and being on his podcast as well. Same thing

00:04:10.720 when he referred somebody over, I was like, well, it's going to be a quality dude because he's a

00:04:14.100 quality dude. Yeah. Yeah. We actually started at very similar times and on similar paths with what

00:04:20.460 we're doing. And I'm excited to talk with you today because in being introduced to you, I went a

00:04:25.720 little bit through your bio and through your history and you're a rescue helicopter evacuation

00:04:30.660 pilot, which is impressive as it is. But then I saw that you talk a lot about PTSD and overcoming

00:04:36.360 these traumatic events and experiences that we have. And I think that's something that a lot of

00:04:40.860 guys deal with. And for the most part, I think traditional advice is just to quote unquote man up,

00:04:48.860 which I don't have a problem with that term if there's some context behind it,

00:04:52.220 but just to get over it, I don't think it's something that is good advice or works.

00:04:58.380 Yeah. The only way out is through you can't just bury. And so, yeah, I don't think just

00:05:05.040 get over it without any context based around it is good advice.

00:05:09.760 Yeah. Yeah. So what are your thoughts on men who are dealing with some of these traumatic events in

00:05:15.640 the past, whether that was something as a child that maybe they forgot a lot of over 30 years ago,

00:05:20.740 or just something relatively recently in military combat, or maybe even just something

00:05:25.220 difficult and challenging that they're experiencing in their marriage or in their business? What

00:05:31.480 thoughts do you have on that?

00:05:33.300 Yes. Interesting. I never gave thought to trauma. I just didn't. It was not something that I don't

00:05:39.520 think I had a traumatic childhood. I don't think I had, I mean, there was things, but it just didn't

00:05:44.580 really impact me too much. But then after going and deploying initially as an Apache pilot, and then

00:05:50.180 multiple deployments after as a combat search and rescue pilot, obviously interacting with what

00:05:55.720 everybody would agree are traumatic events. And this is what I think is interesting. Everybody can agree

00:06:00.460 certain things are traumatic, but there's a lot of things that are traumatic that are individual's

00:06:05.680 fingerprints to the person, right? Some things that may be traumatic to one person are Wednesdays to

00:06:11.140 another, right? And, and it's just, there's so many different variables and factors in there. So

00:06:16.680 rather than trauma compare, really what we got to do is trauma repair. And, and that's, there's a

00:06:24.580 preparation and a reparation and some of the same skill sets do both. Through my book, I actually share,

00:06:31.760 I use, I use things that everybody agrees are traumatic. And then I compare them to like things that

00:06:36.860 people may not think are as traumatic. Like, um, I actually, you know, I think everybody would agree

00:06:42.600 that blowing up people is a traumatic thing, right? But in many ways, my caustic relationship with, uh,

00:06:50.360 with, uh, with my wife at the time was much more traumatic and much more impactful to me than what

00:06:57.420 everybody else would look at and go, Oh, of course that's traumatic. Right. And a lot of it had to do with

00:07:01.880 the preparation, you know, preparation for a certain situation vice zero preparation for the other.

00:07:08.340 Um, so I think that's a, that's a very real part of trauma is being prepared. I mean, when we get

00:07:15.080 side, side swiped with something we weren't prepared for, that's what leaves impact. We're prepared for

00:07:19.900 it. You lower your shoulder and it hits you. It doesn't hurt as much, but if you're, you know,

00:07:23.560 you're not even expecting it and you get ear hold is to use a football term. Uh, yeah. Holy crap.

00:07:29.140 What happened. Yeah. I think that's a good point. Yeah. Go ahead. 0.92

00:07:33.780 Well, I was going to ask you, you had a concept that I wasn't familiar with,

00:07:36.700 and I'd like you to explain this concept of chair flying, because I think that speaks to what you're

00:07:40.920 addressing is being prepared and aware of what traumatic experiences or events we might deal with.

00:07:45.780 Uh, therefore we're more equipped to deal with them when they inevitably happen and they will,

00:07:50.260 right? Like get divorced. We'll, we'll, uh, suffer a job loss. We'll deal with a medical condition.

00:07:55.840 A loved one will die. Like these things are going to happen. Right. How do we begin to prepare for

00:08:00.780 what will inevitably take place? Yeah. Chair flying is, is a term that we use in the aviation world.

00:08:07.460 That is more like just visualizing what you're going to do, but I, I adapted it to become more of a

00:08:14.360 robust, uh, ritual, if you will, that I will go through. Um, and it wasn't to prepare me for trauma,

00:08:21.100 but it had that effect. And, and through the process of the deployment that I chronicled in

00:08:27.840 the book with Apache, when I got back, what I really noticed was we had different reactions to

00:08:33.680 the same stimulus, meaning a lot of my brothers in arms did not deal well with, with, um, certain

00:08:39.200 situations and others maybe were the same. And then, and then I feel like I actually grew from those

00:08:43.640 situations. They weren't pretty situations, but I feel like they made me a stronger version of

00:08:47.660 myself. And so I was like, how can we have such diverse responses to the same stimulus? Um,

00:08:54.020 where they're all warriors. I mean, I, those guys are guys that I would stand shoulder to shoulder

00:08:57.920 with again and again and again. So, but we had such different reactions. It wasn't like one guy was

00:09:03.860 just weak and he didn't handle it. And there was dudes that I was like, man, that guy is fricking

00:09:07.780 rock solid. And it broke them. Well, I use that term loosely. I don't believe anybody's broken,

00:09:13.120 but it definitely caused them some damage. Right. So, um, I got home and, and really started

00:09:22.140 talking, digging into trauma, digging into why and why, why. And one of the, a lot of the guys

00:09:27.540 that are smarter than me that have three letters behind their names really dug in with me. And

00:09:31.420 they're like, Hey, well, here's some things you were doing. Right. Well, one of the things was chair

00:09:36.200 flying. And early on, they made me an aircraft commander on my deployment, which gave me an elevated

00:09:41.660 level of responsibility, both in the aircraft and out, but, um, on that. And I did felt,

00:09:47.400 I felt like I wasn't maybe ready, you know, but at the same time, ready or not, here you are.

00:09:53.240 So I knew we were going to be in a lot of crazy situations because I'd already experienced a few

00:09:59.980 as a co-pilot, uh, while we were deployed. I'm like, Holy crap. Now I'm the man in charge. I got to 0.95

00:10:04.900 prepare myself somehow for, you know, we get shot out of the air. We get an engine shot out. I got to be

00:10:09.200 the guy on the control. I got to figure that, you know, I got to save us. Right. And I didn't feel

00:10:13.300 like I was like the man. Yeah. You know? So like, I'm like, okay, how can I do this? And so really I

00:10:17.640 just took chair flying to another level. And I would say, I always joke about it and say, my chair

00:10:22.460 flying version is if meditation, visualization and role play, role play all got together and had a

00:10:27.860 love child, that would be my, my, my, uh, chair flying. So what I do, well, maybe here's, here's,

00:10:34.760 I'll share a story and then I'll tell you how it played into it. Okay. Yeah. So one story that,

00:10:40.260 that, that, that kind of was like the end or the capstone or whatever you want to call it,

00:10:45.460 my deployment, we were in, we were taking down the biggest city in the biggest Taliban stronghold 0.94

00:10:50.920 in Afghanistan, hadn't been messed with for years. And when we went in, it was like a, I want to say

00:10:55.640 26, uh, aircraft assault, but before the assault goes in, the Apaches go in and clear the area.

00:11:02.100 Right. So we were the very, very first people into the nasty, nasty guy land. Right. And went in

00:11:09.480 there, did that thing. And then, and then it was like two weeks of just, at first it was actually

00:11:13.740 not as, not as crazy as we thought initially, but then it picked up and the Taliban started like 1.00

00:11:19.200 throwing everything they could. And then one particular day we were going to engage with the,

00:11:25.020 the, basically the ground guys were like, Hey, we've got bad guys in the trees shooting at us.

00:11:29.560 We're trying to figure out exactly where they are before we actually get cleared hot, which

00:11:34.040 cleared hot is a directive. That means you've met all the criteria to minimize collateral and

00:11:39.360 maximize ordinance effect. And you're clear to pull triggers. Right. So that's the cleared hot

00:11:43.840 directive. And, and I picked that as the name of the book because cleared hot, meaning you're cleared

00:11:49.460 hot on your life. Like you've met the criteria. You can move forward with purpose and intent on your

00:11:54.100 life. Right. It's there. And if not, let's, let's line it up. So you realize you, you have.

00:11:59.980 So they, they cleared us hot. And as I rolled in, I was about, this was going to be an engagement

00:12:04.020 inbound run. And as I started to turn inbound, my co-pod started screaming, screaming, 0.59

00:12:11.800 blood curling screams. He, he just taken around through his femur, shattered his femur. And,

00:12:17.820 um, and we were falling out of the air. So him screaming, you'd think would be the number one

00:12:23.540 priority, but I actually had, he was number three at the same time. My engine was shot out.

00:12:29.040 I have two engines, but two engines in this environment were required to maintain flight at

00:12:35.080 the, at the flight profile that I was in. So I had to change that flight profile in order to be

00:12:39.900 more efficient to fly off of one engine. And that's what do you mean by flight profile? Just,

00:12:45.440 I want to, what does that mean? Does that mean like the capability of the aircraft or

00:12:49.500 what is that? You're more efficient at certain air speeds. Like if you add a hover, you're the

00:12:53.300 least efficient and you need the most power to beat the air into submission to, for lack of a better

00:12:57.480 term. But like when you're got forward airspeed, you got more relative wind, all that kind of thing.

00:13:02.540 It gets up real sciencey and geeky and we can push our glasses back, but basically you end up being

00:13:07.560 more effective as an airframe in certain, certain variables. Altitude, temperature, that all plays in

00:13:14.020 there too. At certain altitudes and temperature, I can't fly the aircraft with one engine, no matter

00:13:18.080 what it takes to, to do any profile. Right. Interesting. Yeah. So luckily we weren't in one

00:13:22.900 of those. Otherwise we would just crash. There was no option. Right. So that happens. I lose an engine.

00:13:29.320 I got to change the profile, but guess what? The flight controls are jammed as well. Don't know why

00:13:33.060 at the time. So we're in an angle and we're slicing down. We call it your, your effective lift is,

00:13:37.760 is reduced at certain angles. So we're actually falling. Um, to increase the rotor speed,

00:13:43.140 I need to slam the collective, which is the control of my left hand, which makes it go

00:13:46.640 uppy downy. Right. I need to actually slam it down. Right. We were falling and you got

00:13:51.100 to put it down. That's kind of counterintuitive. You want to pull up because you're falling.

00:13:54.140 Right. But by slamming it down, it increases flow through the rotor, spinning it with inertia,

00:13:59.680 giving it enough momentum that we can get the rotor back to where we need. Because when he screamed

00:14:03.880 in the background, there was rotor RPM low. That was a little audio, which just means you're

00:14:09.440 going to crash. You know, this isn't really nice. You are going to, could you make that a little

00:14:12.900 louder for me? So I can focus on that. It's all calm too. Like you could hear him like in the

00:14:17.500 video, you can hear him screaming and you hear the rotor RPM low. Nice soft soothing voice for you.

00:14:23.240 Yeah. Yeah. So I slammed that down and I know cyclic is the control of my right hand. That's the one

00:14:30.280 that's jammed unbeknownst to me at the time, his legs wrapped around it. That's why it shattered,

00:14:35.120 flipped it up, wrapped it around the cyclic. So it was locked in that position. I didn't know that

00:14:39.260 though. In Apache, you have the ability to break out of the controls. The mechanical linkage are

00:14:47.560 designed to shear in cases such as this, right? And then you fly by wire, which is like driving

00:14:53.080 your car without power steering, but you can still fly. All right. So I slammed that at the same time,

00:14:59.560 I slammed the other one down. And I remember thinking like Boeing advertises, there's a one

00:15:03.460 second easy on. I remember when they taught us that, I was like, who cares? What's the point?

00:15:06.400 It takes one second to take effect. Right. And now I know why, because if I would have taken effect,

00:15:11.940 we were already in the bank and the correction would have actually probably snap rolled this

00:15:15.220 with one engine. There's no way we would have recovered. We would have landed upside down.

00:15:18.540 Like an overcorrection essentially that quickly or something.

00:15:21.700 Right. It would have been bad look for the Apache upside down. But I remember thinking as I slammed it

00:15:28.900 over, please work as advertised. Right. And boom, came over and then brought the stick back to center

00:15:33.860 and it worked, you know, took a second, put it back to center and we leveled out. We had the,

00:15:38.220 we, you know, reduced, increased our SB by reducing our altitude recovered. I don't know how I should

00:15:43.560 have this memorized at a hundred feet or something like that. We recovered out of there and we started

00:15:48.020 to come out. Now that's how low you were to the ground. Is that what you said? A hundred feet.

00:15:51.760 Oh yeah. Well, or lower. I mean, we were at two sick. I think we're at two 60 when it happened. I mean,

00:15:56.760 take all the time you need. You got half a second to do this. Right. So,

00:15:59.800 right. And you don't have time. There's no time. We're not falling from sky, sky, sky. I mean,

00:16:05.080 we're, we're literally below the cliff that the guys were calling us. The, the, the, the infantry

00:16:11.120 was calling us to engage at a riverbed. So we were below the cliff line that they were calling up.

00:16:17.240 Same. Yeah. And then we flew down in the riverbed and honestly, I think we recovered at around a hundred

00:16:21.980 feet, but that's because the terrain actually fell away a little bit too. Otherwise it would have been

00:16:25.700 like 40 or 50 feet. Right. So why do I tell that story? Is because obviously we just hit it. How

00:16:33.900 many of those things happened and had to happen? It took me 50 times longer to explain it than what

00:16:40.440 we, than what we had to deal with it. You know, it's like probably really realistically one to three

00:16:44.620 seconds. You had to do all those things. Right. And if I had to actually think through those things

00:16:49.820 and like, Oh, this is happening. No, I got to do this. And all that's happening. I had to do this. And

00:16:54.440 we wouldn't made it. I wouldn't have had the time. I'm not smart enough, you know, and maybe some

00:16:58.960 people are, but I'm not. The reason I was able to do it was because of chair flying earlier on in my

00:17:04.640 deployment. I started working myself through all these crazy scenarios. Right. And I would get to

00:17:10.160 a point. I would, first, I would meditate, get myself to a place. I call it fertilizing your garden,

00:17:14.300 get yourself to a place that whatever you're about to plant in your head sticks. Right. And so for me,

00:17:19.800 meditation was just breathing exercises. I mean, other people use yoga, other people use whatever,

00:17:24.040 whatever you use. You know, some people use weed. I don't know if that works or not, but I haven't

00:17:28.600 tried it. But, but, you know, I would use breathing exercises and I get calm and I get into an

00:17:34.600 environment that I knew I was control. Right. And then I would start to imagine a scenario that

00:17:40.520 I'm not sure how I'd get out of. Right. And I'd start to go down that road. And once I get to what

00:17:45.260 I call a choke point where I have to make a decision, I would make the decision and continue. And then I'd

00:17:50.700 start over and I'd get to that until it wasn't a choke point anymore. It was just a smooth way

00:17:55.320 through. And then I get to the next choke point and I do the same thing and start over. And so

00:18:00.300 you do over and over and over again, what you're doing is really teaching your brain. You're wiring

00:18:05.280 it, the synapses of how you're going to react to these situations and get to where you go from

00:18:10.680 start to finish with no choke points. Right. And then you start to do, then you actually do the

00:18:16.840 role play. I'm actually talking through out loud. I'm moving my arms. I'm moving my legs.

00:18:21.880 I'm doing the types of things. And that's muscle memory. You're starting to connect to what your

00:18:25.980 brain's already wired and it's just making it more familiar. Then I would give myself variables.

00:18:32.460 What if it doesn't work like it's supposed to? Then what do I do? You know, there's another choke

00:18:35.780 point. There's another. And I would do this for like a half hour to an hour every night,

00:18:39.960 just different, different things. And did I ever do a scenario where my co-pilot's front

00:18:46.000 legs get shattered? I lose an engine and their flight controls are jammed and we're slicing out

00:18:50.060 of the air and we're about this far from the bad guys and they're right up. No, I didn't do that

00:18:54.100 exact scenario, but I did so many that were like, yeah, did I do one with my engine get shot? Yes.

00:18:59.280 Did I do one with my co-pilot get shot? Yes. Did I do one with my flight controls getting jammed? Yes.

00:19:02.580 Did I do combinations similar to? Yes. So my brain already had all those routes.

00:19:07.260 And when it was time, it merged the ones that it needed to. And I didn't have to really think

00:19:12.200 through it. It just happened. Right. That was the intent that I did chair flying for,

00:19:17.580 but what I didn't realize the added benefit was it's also stress inoculation. Right. So

00:19:25.540 a smart guy, medical guy talked to me about this. He's like, yeah, you're preparing your mind for a

00:19:31.880 stressful situation. You've already inoculated yourself. Just like if it were a weakened virus,

00:19:37.240 and then the actual virus comes, you can beat your chest and say, go away. Not today. Right.

00:19:42.420 I've already, I've already dealt with you in a weakened state. Now I can deal with you where,

00:19:45.560 how you are. You're not going to knock me off my feet. It's the same thing with these types of

00:19:50.040 scenarios. You, you, you, like I pictured blowing people up before I blew people up. Didn't look

00:19:54.900 exactly the same, but I'd already prepared my mind somewhat with how I would deal with that. What my

00:19:59.500 frame of mind would be, how I would, how I, how I would sleep that night. You know, I even went to,

00:20:04.760 when I was like chair flying, I would even talk about, I'm going to take a deep breath,

00:20:07.980 you know, which I did in that event. Like I remember going and then, but I mean, it was

00:20:12.620 quick one. I didn't have much time, but I, you know, and then there's the video. I don't

00:20:16.420 know if you had the chance to listen to the video. Um, it was in that media kit. Yeah.

00:20:21.960 Yeah. So in the video, my voice is calmer than I am right now. Right. It's just like,

00:20:28.920 Hey guys, I just lost an engine. My co-pilot shot. My heart rate was probably playing flight

00:20:34.620 of the bumblebee, but I'd rehearsed any in these, in these scenarios, stay calm,

00:20:41.960 aviate, navigate and communicate. That's what you're going to do. Right. You're going to in

00:20:45.120 that order. And, and so it worked. I was calm. I did come across as, Hey, this is a Wednesday,

00:20:51.640 Wednesday, but you know, it wasn't, you know, it was inside. It was, I never had a Wednesday

00:20:56.220 like that. Yeah. I don't even know if it was Wednesday. It was December 7th though. I remember

00:21:00.060 that. Um, but it was, it was prepared, prepared in my mind for that physical act was what I was

00:21:07.240 doing, but I didn't realize that it was actually protecting my mind from the traumatic event itself.

00:21:13.380 Right. And so we can kind of do that in our daily lives. Like I, in the book, I, I mentioned

00:21:19.540 bad relationship. I wasn't doing that with that at first. Like I was just reacting,

00:21:24.720 but it hit me and hit me, it hit me and hit record. And I didn't, I hadn't chair flown anything.

00:21:29.280 And I started chair flying conversations and hitting choke points. Well, if I say this,

00:21:33.280 this will probably happen. Right. So that rather than say that, I'll say this, or, you know,

00:21:37.740 walking myself through it, or if it does happen, how am I going to, how am I going to digest that?

00:21:43.680 You know, what is my reaction going to be, you know, how am I going to deescalate this situation?

00:21:49.740 Or some situations you're like, it's not going to deescalate. I'm just gonna,

00:21:54.020 I'm going to be prepared to take it and just let it run its course. You know, whatever the case may

00:21:58.940 be, we all know those scenarios. We've all dealt with those types of things. But if our mind's

00:22:05.020 prepared for it, then the Davis, our mind doesn't jump to these devastating places. Like, oh, that must

00:22:11.980 mean that it's all over and this is it. It's not worth it. And all these kinds of things, like it,

00:22:16.620 our minds are to prepare. We're like, okay, we, we know that this was a possibility. You already

00:22:20.060 walked through how you're going to react. And it's not the end of the world, no matter what

00:22:23.240 the results are, it's not the end of the world. Right. Or, or the other thing is you don't make

00:22:27.820 a bad problem worse. You know, I'm thinking of that scenario with a relationship where maybe your

00:22:33.640 spouse or your partner says something to you and, and we know how to dig at each other, right? We know

00:22:38.820 each other well enough. Like, you know, what points to press when you want to get at somebody.

00:22:42.940 And so she says something to you that triggers you and then you're triggered. And without thinking,

00:22:49.500 you say something that gets at her. And then it just turns into this nasty spiral.

00:22:54.480 Same thing with your scenario. I imagine, you know, you, you triage, triage the situation.

00:22:59.500 You had priorities that you needed to deal with. If you would have dealt with your pilot, well,

00:23:04.020 great. You dealt with him. You got the bleeding stop, but you crashed into the ground. You know,

00:23:07.640 you made a bad problem worse because you focused on the wrong priority in the wrong order.

00:23:13.780 Right. Right. Yeah. And, and, and, you know, knowing the end from the beginning to like walk

00:23:21.340 in the worst case scenario all the way to the end, not, not dwelling on worst case scenario. Don't get

00:23:26.900 me wrong there, but walking it through the end and being like, yeah, the end, I'm still okay. I'm still

00:23:32.580 alive. I'm still, you know, then you, then you really get your attitude of gratitude. What are

00:23:37.140 the benefits? What do you still have if you walk it through the end? And there's always a list if

00:23:41.280 you're grateful, right? There's always a list and that helps you on the path through because you

00:23:46.840 realize no matter what turn this takes, I'll be okay. I have turns that I want it to take. I would

00:23:52.560 prefer that it takes this turn. I don't prefer it takes that turn, but guess what? We don't always

00:23:56.540 get what we want. Right. But even if it takes these turns that I don't want, I've already walked

00:24:02.020 through, I've walked the dog through there and I'm still me at the end, you know, and I'm still

00:24:06.420 grateful to have my son. I'm still grateful that the sun comes up every day. I'm still grateful that

00:24:10.420 I have a job. I'm still grateful, you know, whatever the case may be, the attitude of gratitude is huge.

00:24:16.860 I think where a lot of men struggle and I do too, admittedly is, you know, you're talking about a

00:24:22.600 combat environment. You're talking about a situation that has obviously a heightened level of risk

00:24:27.340 associated with it than the average person. So most of us live our lives assuming that we're

00:24:34.240 not going to get in that car accident. We're not going to go through that divorce. Bankruptcy

00:24:38.040 isn't going to happen to me. I'm not going to get diagnosed with cancer. Like we believe that none

00:24:42.940 of that stuff is going to happen in your environment, in the situation you're talking about. That's a very

00:24:47.260 real possibility. How do you address and work with these guys who have the mentality of, you know,

00:24:54.260 things are going to be fine and let's not catastrophize everything and just live our

00:24:59.360 lives and hopefully it all works out. I'll be honest. I, I think a lot of guys in at least

00:25:06.340 the way when I came through the military, a lot of that filtering process happens to where you get

00:25:10.540 the right personalities there to begin with. Right. Sure. I mean, they at least feel they're the

00:25:16.060 right personality. They're not on the surface freaking out. They're not. Now, does that mean that the

00:25:21.600 things that are happening and they're experiencing do not have impact? Absolutely not. Like I, like I

00:25:25.760 said, I mean, I've had friends that have actually taken their own life because of these things.

00:25:30.620 Right. And what I, what I, this is the analogy that I, I talked to, I touched on a little bit that

00:25:38.420 the gratitude piece is a big piece of, and that's what I'll try to teach guys is, is gratitude and

00:25:44.260 perspective. When I first got to Afghanistan, I share this story often, but when I first got to

00:25:48.620 Afghanistan, I was literally the first guy on boots on ground. Cause I was advanced party for our

00:25:54.140 company. No, nobody in our company had ever deployed before on this first deployment. So I

00:26:00.020 don't really have anybody like saying, this is what to expect. This is what you do this. And I didn't

00:26:04.800 know either. So we landed early in the morning in Bagram air force base. And, um, and I was in the

00:26:10.600 back of the C-17 with our Apache helicopters and the gate, you know, thing starts going down and light

00:26:14.880 comes in. It's right out of a movie. You can't see your eyes are dark adapted. And I, I don't know 0.88

00:26:19.380 exactly what I was expecting, but I mean, I was shocked that it didn't stink. You know, it smelled

00:26:26.700 good. It was refreshing. I was like, wait, we're in a workplace. This should be like, I don't know,

00:26:30.300 hot garbage or something, you know? And then, and then it continued down and I, and, and I saw

00:26:35.980 snowcapped mountains that were beautiful and remind me of the Rockies. And I'm like, it just threw me.

00:26:41.680 I was like, there's beauty here, you know, because I mean, duh, but you know, it's kind

00:26:47.380 of like, of course, of course there can be, but, but, but I didn't expect it. So when we're flying

00:26:53.380 over those mountains, I'm looking at it, same thing. I'm like, Holy crap. I would love to 0.96

00:26:56.600 snowboard right there if there wasn't a mine, you know, and you know, all these other type

00:27:01.040 of scenarios, but there was such beauty. And then, you know, we'd get called into troops

00:27:06.340 in contact ticks and you'd get pulled out of that beauty and right into the ugly. Right.

00:27:14.040 And the guy on the other end of the radio is breathing hard and you can hear gunfire in

00:27:18.520 the background, you know, and they're like, we need immediate suppression at this. I had,

00:27:23.680 you know, you can tell there's urgency and direness in what he's saying. And we're, we're

00:27:29.100 sucked right into where, yes, we got you. We see you. We're going to go with, and we'll deal

00:27:33.680 with that. And then the fire comes at us, you know, now we're seeing that. And we're

00:27:37.780 very, very front sight focused, right? We're very focused on the gunfight. And that's the

00:27:43.860 world at that moment. That is our world. That's his world. In life, we often mistake the gunfight

00:27:50.880 for the mountains, right? We're in the middle of a gunfight. And we think that that's the big

00:27:57.460 picture because in the middle of that gunfight, those mountains never went anywhere. That beauty

00:28:01.580 never changed. That beauty is permanent. It is the infinite where the gunfight is the finite,

00:28:10.220 right? But often we flip the finite for the infinite and give it that definition. And that's

00:28:15.620 what creates hopelessness, right? And so, you know, we get out of that gunfight and the mountains

00:28:22.500 are still there. And if you go up even higher, you can start to see the curvature of the earth.

00:28:26.500 And I always say this, I don't care if you're in the ugliest place on planet earth. If you're that 0.50

00:28:32.540 high, it's majestic and beautiful, right? It's just amazing. I've never been to space,

00:28:38.600 but I imagine in space, looking at a planet that's blue and landmass, and it's just awesome.

00:28:46.340 But the cool part about that is when you're at the curvature of the earth, it's beautiful in every

00:28:50.960 direction. When you're in space, there is no direction. So it truly is the infinite. Beauty

00:28:55.540 just is. It just is. It doesn't go anywhere. But on that planet that you're experiencing the beauty

00:29:01.680 in that moment, how many gunfights are happening in that very moment? You know, how many gunfights

00:29:07.620 are happening when we're having this podcast? You know, I hate to say it, somebody's getting killed

00:29:12.520 right now somewhere, right? Right. That's happening. That's reality. But those are gunfights.

00:29:19.180 The attitude of gratitude, the perspective we need to maintain is that the mountains don't go

00:29:25.140 anywhere, right? They're there. And we all have our mountains. With my son, I tell him, you know,

00:29:31.440 let's identify your mountains. And he has to list out what his mountains are. And I'm telling you,

00:29:36.340 one of the biggest things and one of the biggest thrills to hear was, you are, Dad. You're one of my

00:29:42.120 mountains, right? So that's one that gets me, you know? And so it's important to identify

00:29:49.120 mountains. And it's important to be mountains for people, right? It's important to be that mountain

00:29:54.460 for someone.

00:29:56.580 Ben, let me step away from the conversation very quickly. I want to tell you a little bit more

00:30:00.300 about the Iron Council. This is very, very important. So don't fast forward through this.

00:30:04.140 It's very important. And we need to be able to do these types of things for more and more men

00:30:09.180 across the country and world. I want to talk about having a plan because every one of us needs a plan.

00:30:14.760 But unfortunately, too many men are throwing all sorts of tactics and strategies and

00:30:19.940 plan, whatever. You know, they're all throwing it at the wall to see what sticks and then hoping

00:30:26.500 they can experience some measure of success. And it actually might work, but it's dumb luck if it does.

00:30:33.300 And it does not produce any duplicatable results. And that's what we're after. Predictable strategies

00:30:39.520 that you can implement on demand to achieve your desires. And that's where the Iron Council,

00:30:45.440 our exclusive men's brotherhood comes into play. So when you band with us, you're going to gain

00:30:49.600 access to 1,200 other men and tap into a system implemented by thousands of men at this point to

00:30:56.000 better their lives. And these are all men who are going to help you with your plan and hold you to

00:31:01.740 completing it. So you're going to get the strategies, but you're going to get the back end,

00:31:05.140 which is the accountability and camaraderie from other motivated, ambitious, successful men

00:31:10.160 to hold you accountable. That's, it's gotta be that formula. If you're missing the plan or missing

00:31:15.560 the accountability, you're going to struggle like many of us have throughout our lives, but we're

00:31:20.080 only open for another three to four days. We're closing it down at the end of this month. So again,

00:31:24.620 another three to four days is your chance. Otherwise you're going to have to wait till the fall of the

00:31:28.220 winter to join us. So if you're interested, or at least you want to check out the video,

00:31:32.180 you're intrigued, you want to know a little bit more, head to order a man.com slash iron

00:31:36.400 council. Again, that's order a man.com slash iron council. You can do that right after the show for

00:31:42.800 now. Let's get back to it, Brian. Yeah, I like this idea. This is the way you said it is a new

00:31:48.480 concept to me. I was thinking as you were talking about it, I saw this a lot when I was a financial

00:31:52.880 advisor. We'd be working people through the stock market and teaching them how to invest successfully

00:31:58.020 over a long timeframe. And, and I got into the business around 2008, 2009, where it was the worst

00:32:06.380 possible time that you probably could have got into financial services. I saw people, you know,

00:32:11.600 flipping out, losing, I mean, losing a lot of money, 30, 40% of, of a million dollar portfolio at 63 years

00:32:17.440 old is a scary proposition. You know, I understand, but if we were to scan back and not look at that

00:32:24.300 little blip, we were to scan back 10 years, 20 years, 80 years, you can't even barely notice that

00:32:31.340 little blip on the map. And, and what we do, and I think this is your point is that we make decisions

00:32:38.180 based on the blip rather than scanning back, zooming back and realizing, Hey, this is a temporary

00:32:43.600 moment. Let's, let's address it. Let's deal with it the way we need to, but let's maintain a long-term

00:32:49.020 perspective because life will get better. It definitely will get better. Yeah. And, and then,

00:32:55.360 and then, and your attitude affects that, how quickly it will get better. Right. Good point.

00:33:00.420 Yeah. I mean, some people, we've, we've all met the Eeyores in our lives, right? Yeah. That

00:33:06.420 everything's bad. It doesn't matter. They could, they could get, you could give them a million dollars

00:33:09.880 and be like, well, there's probably bacteria on that. You know, I, you know, it's not 2 million.

00:33:14.840 Yeah, for sure. Somebody else got more than this. I mean, like, but we've also met the people that

00:33:21.180 everything is positive. Right. And so, well, that may be annoying sometimes because the only reason

00:33:27.120 it's annoying is because we don't have that ability. Right. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Wouldn't it be nice?

00:33:32.100 Yes. But like, that's the thing is like, I mean, perspective is perspective is real. It creates

00:33:39.000 your reality perspective. You had said that I can't remember exactly, but you had said you talked with

00:33:44.740 some individuals or, or some people with some three, three, the three letters, letters behind

00:33:48.840 their name about some things that you and others were doing when it comes to how well you adapted

00:33:53.720 to challenging situations relative to where other men may have struggled. And you said that there were

00:34:00.260 things that you were doing, or they acknowledged things that you were doing. So a chair flying was

00:34:04.980 one of them. Were there other things that you recognize or that they recognize that you had done

00:34:09.040 habitually that helped you get through these challenging and difficult times?

00:34:12.200 Yeah. We basically, there was a bunch, but in some of them I could teach, but some of them,

00:34:17.940 like, for example, some of them you can't teach, like I can't control, you know, what your living

00:34:24.680 environment, if you grew up in a nuclear family or not, those kinds of things. So, which I did,

00:34:29.600 which helps, you know, that helps, but there, we identified seven that you could teach chair

00:34:34.180 flying was one of them. You know, the other one was, was, we talked about her healthy perspective

00:34:40.340 to how to foster a healthy perspective. That was one of them too. Valuing a higher cause was one

00:34:45.940 build healthy support systems, avoid festering emotional wounds, release hate. I never hated the

00:34:52.100 enemy we fought. And I think that was a huge part of not cutting the, making the knife cut both ways.

00:34:58.660 Right. How did you do that? Because you probably saw those enemies kill your brothers in arms,

00:35:06.420 you know, and that's, you could obviously take that very differently. How did, how did you keep

00:35:12.620 from, from hate? One, I feel like I had a healthy respect for them. You know, anybody who's been to

00:35:21.900 war knows that war sucks, right? Well, when we go to war, one, the wars I was in, we had a technical

00:35:29.760 advantage to almost anybody we're fighting, right? A tactical, a technical, we didn't even fully

00:35:36.480 exploit our advantages because of rules of war. And, you know, I mean, we could have got rid of that

00:35:42.300 whole freaking country, you know, just boom. That's what, but that's not, that's not what we're 0.92

00:35:47.000 supposed to, you know, it's not who we are. Um, so I look at it from their perspective and I think

00:35:53.620 that's a big part of not hating your enemy is looking at it through their eyes as best you can.

00:35:59.680 You'll never nail it, but you can try to do it. So empathy being a big part of that is what they've

00:36:05.780 been fighting since freaking eight, 12 or whatever the year was like, there's no one in front of that.

00:36:11.840 It's like, like they've been fighting their whole life. They don't know anything else.

00:36:18.720 They don't get a mid tour. They don't have chow hall. They don't have these other things. And yet

00:36:25.640 they're so convicted to their cause, which I don't agree with, obviously, because that's why we're

00:36:30.040 there. They're so convicted that they'll live through those things and fight and go against a

00:36:36.440 machine that can unleash devastation with a second, with a, with a rudimentary rifle. They'll go against

00:36:43.600 that. Um, they're either crazy or just very convicted, impressive individuals, right? Like, 0.86

00:36:52.400 and I think there's probably a little bit of both. Some of them were crazy, but,

00:36:55.740 but I have to respect that as a warrior warrior. I'm like, Holy crap, man. If, if I had all those 1.00

00:37:02.620 nuns, I'm going to live in this country, I'm going to stay here and war will be my life. 1.00

00:37:07.240 And I'm going to go up against an enemy that can, is way better prepared to do this than me.

00:37:13.560 Would I have a conviction that they do, you know? And I don't know. I don't know,

00:37:18.240 but I can respect that. I can respect that from their side. Now I also know that I disagree with

00:37:26.160 their side. So that's why there's a war and that's why death has to happen in that scenario.

00:37:33.540 Right. And I always say, you're going to have to operate in the ugly. Sometimes when you raise

00:37:38.200 your hand and say, I'll do this for the country, raise your hand and say, I'll do this for this,

00:37:41.560 or I'll do that for that. You know, that you're going to have to operate in the ugly. The trick

00:37:45.600 is not letting that ugly operate in you. Right. Yeah. Well, let's talk about that. How did it,

00:37:51.580 you know, the first time you ever deployed on a mission or had a mission where you knew you were

00:37:55.140 going to be taking innocent life? Not, I shouldn't say innocent. I guess potentially it could have

00:38:00.420 been, but you're, you're fighting against an enemy. How did you cope with that? How did you deal with

00:38:07.140 that? The first time was you didn't, I didn't know until I pulled the trigger. Right. So the very

00:38:15.840 first, my very first engagement, I wasn't even an aircraft commander yet. I was in the, I was in the

00:38:20.380 upgrade program, if you will. And, um, we rolled around the corner and there was a convoy that had

00:38:26.700 been ambushed and they were taking fire from multiple positions, but it was in the daytime.

00:38:32.080 It was really hard to locate the enemy because they're just hiding trees and can't, you know,

00:38:38.980 and there's not muzzle flashes to really go off. You can see muzzle flash in the daytime,

00:38:44.160 but it's very, it's not nearly as easy as at night. And this is my first engagement. So I don't even

00:38:49.980 really know what I'm looking for. And so we're trying to figure it out, trying to figure it out.

00:38:54.340 And my, my aircraft commander was much more experienced than me. And he was aggressive,

00:38:59.660 man. He was getting in there. We're like 10, 15 feet, 20 feet, Joe, I mean, banking around,

00:39:04.600 looking for these guys, like we're literally blowing up tree. I mean, blowing up trees with the

00:39:08.240 wind and seeing if there's people underneath, you know, that kind of thing. And it's, so it's just,

00:39:13.720 it was nuts. And, and in this scenario, the, the, the convoy was on one side of basically

00:39:18.240 a Canyon and where they thought they were taking fire was on the other side. There's probably 200

00:39:23.760 to 800 meters in between. And we were up on this shelf and they were on that shelf. And then we

00:39:31.320 came out over the shelf to where we're actually over the Canyon. So we went from like 20 to 30,

00:39:35.560 maybe 50 feet to 300 feet. And right then we got rocked. We had this explosion, boom, lifted the

00:39:44.360 aircraft up, pitched it forward. And I could see the rock. We're going to crash on. I was like,

00:39:49.620 that's where we end. That's it. That's my first engagement. We lose. This sucks because we're

00:39:55.260 falling and I'm not on the controls. So, you know, we're falling and I'm like, okay, if we, if,

00:40:01.660 if I live, I'm going to grab my radio, my gun, I'm going to dig it, get up my coat, my aircraft.

00:40:05.440 I'm already thinking that stuff. Cause we're falling. Right.

00:40:08.800 Right. And then all of a sudden we start flying and I'm like, what, what happened? It's a miracle.

00:40:16.500 And so, uh, what happened is an RPG blew up right underneath this and air burst or hit the rock

00:40:24.160 wall. I don't know, but it, it created a bad dirty air, right. To where the blades of the

00:40:29.400 helicopter weren't catching, you know, just wasn't, weren't biting is what we call it. So we fell

00:40:34.600 through that dirty air. Once we got into clean air, it flew again. Right. So I was like,

00:40:40.460 holy crap. So won't, you know, that, that just happened. So we get back up and we're looking 0.72

00:40:44.080 around and, and then I start to see these little glints out of my corner of my eye. And I'm like,

00:40:47.680 that's probably muzzle flash. That's probably muzzle flash. So I called up guys on the ground

00:40:51.680 and the, Hey, confirm you have nobody in this area. There's like absolutely nobody there. So I told

00:40:56.480 my, like, I see muzzle flash. He's like, then shoot it. Right. So, so I started shooting it with a 30 0.99

00:41:03.100 millimeter. And it's the first time in my life where when I squoze that troger trigger life went 1.00

00:41:08.000 away. Right. Right. Life just ceased to exist at the squeeze of that trigger. I'd shot targets. I was

00:41:15.460 actually pretty close to our top gun in our competition. I was number two, but, um, but I,

00:41:21.580 I, I done well with targets, but now you're, you're ensuring damnation or whatever you want to call it.

00:41:29.740 You're squeezing the trigger and life goes away. So in the moment, I don't know if it had the impact

00:41:36.960 that it did that when I got out of the aircraft that evening and my feet were on the ground and I

00:41:42.560 was like, that just happened. You know, they actively tried to kill us. We killed them.

00:41:48.760 Um, and now it's Thursday. Right. So it was kind of eyeopening. And by the way, 1.00

00:41:57.360 same thing happened again in that same engagement, we were in the same area again,

00:42:01.520 doing the same thing. So there, you know, the definition of that, right. Expecting a different

00:42:05.060 result. And we got rocked again, this time rocks hit the canopy and we were falling sideways this

00:42:10.580 time, but I had 10 minute old knowledge, looked at the system, saw our engines were good. And we flew

00:42:15.420 out again, this time we figured out where the RPG shooter was at and delivered justice to him.

00:42:22.120 And then, and then, you know, at the end of the day, that convoy was able to get out of there. So

00:42:27.520 there's a good side of that. There's a, Hey, our guys are alive because of this.

00:42:32.380 And then there's the other side of it. Um, and so, yeah, that was, that carried some weight.

00:42:39.060 Uh, and I think the, it didn't even the full weight didn't really manifest for years,

00:42:45.340 you know, because that was one of many, many engagements. And so that time they start to stack.

00:42:52.440 And one thing that you said in just before innocent lives. Okay. That happens. Innocent lives

00:43:00.740 happen. Apaches, we do our best to minimize collateral damage, but these people fight with

00:43:07.040 their families, right? I'd be a fool to say, I never killed a kid. I guarantee that that happened. 0.94

00:43:13.400 Right. And when I started flying search and rescue, we're picking up casualties. We don't only pick up

00:43:18.720 our casualties. We pick up enemy casualties and pick up civilian casualties and we pick up children

00:43:24.200 casualties. And sometimes those children had shrapnel from Apaches, right? And so full circle.

00:43:33.720 And that's where you have to be. You have to acknowledge, you raise your hand. I will operate

00:43:42.260 in the ugly, but I can't let the ugly operate in me. Otherwise I won't make it. Right. And if I don't

00:43:49.380 make it, if I don't choose me, I can't help others. That's powerful. I think that is, I think that's a

00:43:57.640 man's job. I like that term operating the ugly. I think that's a man's job. You know, it's not always 0.95

00:44:02.300 fairy tales and rainbows and sunshine. Like there's hard things that we need to do, uh, that

00:44:07.200 we'll probably question for a lot of our lives, you know, maybe, and I'm not trying to compare,

00:44:11.460 but maybe in your situation more so than mine or somebody else who might be listening, but

00:44:16.500 you know, that that's, that's our job. That's the weight. That's the burden of being a man and

00:44:22.160 masculinity. I think it is. But how many men operate in the ugly and let that ugly operate 0.98

00:44:29.220 in them? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it kills them. Whether it kills them because they choose,

00:44:36.780 they get so overwhelmed with it that they, they see no, they're stuck in the gunfight and they see

00:44:40.420 no way out and they take their own life or it kills them slowly because they, they, they're, 0.70

00:44:45.180 they're letting the ugly operate in them. They're coping with it with alcohol or they're coping with

00:44:50.200 it, with it, with other, um, self-harm type coping mechanisms. So they're killing themselves slowly,

00:44:57.300 right? Uh, or they're just eat, letting it eat on the inside and the stress and all that stuff is

00:45:04.100 compromising health and everything else. So, yeah, I mean, I think that is the challenge we have as men

00:45:09.660 as we, we need to raise our hand and say, I'll operate in the ugly because that's what,

00:45:12.980 that's what we should do. But we have to do that knowing that we can't let it operate in us because

00:45:18.720 if it kills you, you can't help anybody else. Yeah. You can't help your, help anybody else. If it's

00:45:24.680 eating you up, how many, I'm just going to throw this out there and it might hit home with some

00:45:29.300 people that are listening. How many times we deal with the ugly, bring the ugly inside of us. And now

00:45:34.020 we are harmed to the people around us because we're, we're not who we should be. Yep. Right.

00:45:40.460 Yeah. That's a, that's something I've dealt with. And even over the past year,

00:45:45.440 two years is you start to become something different, you know, that isn't an asset,

00:45:50.540 but a liability. And that's a, you wake up to that realization. That's a hard realization to

00:45:55.320 be like, Holy shit. I didn't want to hurt anybody. Right. I am. Right. Yeah. One of the things that 0.99

00:46:01.880 you talk about that I think would help guys with this is you said moving forward with intent and

00:46:07.260 purpose. Um, I'd be curious about your transition out of the military. Cause I know there are a lot

00:46:11.960 of people who struggle when they transition because they had intent, they had purpose and

00:46:16.160 direction and clarity and a mission. And then all of a sudden it's gone, whether it's voluntary or

00:46:20.780 involuntary, it's gone. And they really struggled because of that, but people deal with it in

00:46:25.880 relationships. Maybe they prided themselves on being a husband and they're no longer, um, or they had a

00:46:30.800 job or a business that went under and they self-destruct because they wrapped up their identity in

00:46:35.760 external circumstances that are now no longer present. Yeah. That's one of the principles.

00:46:41.740 So under the seven, I didn't, I don't know if I read it because I started to read through and we

00:46:44.660 got, we went on some, but one of the principles is define your honorable mission. Right. Uh, I think

00:46:50.640 it's important as individuals, as human beings, but especially as men to have an honorable mission,

00:46:57.120 to have a purpose, right? We see what happens when we, we tie ourselves to that purpose is this

00:47:03.760 defines me that's dangerous, but to have a purpose and understand that you're there as a facilitator.

00:47:09.120 And if that purpose goes away, you can, you can define another honorable purpose. You can define

00:47:13.100 another honorable mission in, in combat search and rescue, our credo is that others may live Tom,

00:47:18.720 maybe you've heard that, but that others may live. And the implied task is that, I mean,

00:47:22.920 the implied task there is that you're willing to sacrifice your life that others may live. That's,

00:47:28.840 that's the implied task on that. Well, yeah, that's all well and good when you're down range and,

00:47:36.200 you know, in a combat situation. And, and we get so tied up in that, that that creates our own

00:47:41.620 persona, that that's who we are. And we sacrifice ourselves everywhere, right. To where we don't even

00:47:48.980 live. We don't choose ourselves first. Like we just talked about, you've got to be, choose yourself so

00:47:54.020 you can help others. You got to put on the mask and the airplane before you can put it on somebody else.

00:47:57.720 Right. You just, you have to do that. Right. And so for me, I'm winding down my military career.

00:48:04.640 I'm still at duty. Uh, but I'm on my, I call my, my, uh, retirement glide slope. Um, yeah. And,

00:48:13.140 and I've already, you know, the book was a part was step one, this trauma to trauma over triumph,

00:48:18.960 all right. Triumph over trauma is, is a nonprofit that we've put up that, that it does workshops to

00:48:24.500 teach people how to take their obstacles and make them foundational rather than a weight around their

00:48:28.940 neck, right. Make them foundation of the best versions of themselves. Um, and so that became,

00:48:36.140 that has now become my honorable mission. Now, what happens if that goes away? I'll find something

00:48:40.320 else. That's not who I am. It's just what I'm engaged in. You know, it's just something that

00:48:45.800 gives me a purpose. If that goes away, I'll find something else, you know, but understand that

00:48:51.060 there's infinite honorable missions. You aren't, you aren't your honorable mission. Your honorable

00:48:56.760 mission is something you work with because you enjoy it. Right. The, if you're a military man

00:49:02.880 and you're not a military man anymore, you're still, you, you know, define your next honorable

00:49:08.200 mission. I may be to raise your family. It may be like, look, I have enough retirement. We're going

00:49:12.540 to travel. That's my honorable mission. We're going to have, we're going to experience the world.

00:49:16.120 So that's your honorable mission. You know, then you get tired of that, pick another honorable

00:49:20.900 mission. You got to have it on the horizon. You got to have it in front of you. You got to have it

00:49:24.820 defined. And as you do that, then your, then your purpose is always there, right? You always have

00:49:31.240 something that's not who you are, but keeps you moving as you are. Yeah. And I think, I think also

00:49:38.900 what's valuable in that is, well, here's what I hear from a lot of guys is, I don't know what that

00:49:42.960 is. Like, I don't know what my mission is. I don't know what my purpose is. And, and they talk

00:49:47.220 as if almost one day they're going to wake up and something miraculously is going to happen in their

00:49:53.780 life where they'll just stumble over what they're meant to do. And I haven't found that to be the

00:49:58.720 case. If anybody has, you can correct me if I'm wrong on that, but I think you have to step into

00:50:03.640 something that you're interested in. And only then do you get to see the next step. Like you didn't,

00:50:11.000 you haven't, you aren't entitled to your purpose or your mission. If you're not even willing to

00:50:15.420 take one step towards something that even remotely interests you. Yeah, no, you're right. There is no,

00:50:22.020 there, you are not owed anything by the universe, but you can experience the whole universe, right?

00:50:28.200 It's just a matter of where you want to dip your toe, dip your toe, move forward, see what that gets

00:50:32.060 you. You know, if it doesn't, if you're not connected to it, go somewhere else. Yeah. You know,

00:50:36.840 I want to say, here's what effort you do. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. It's not going to just happen in

00:50:41.800 it. And you know what, even if it did, let's just say there was some serendipitous event that

00:50:46.780 happened to you, which I guess does happen sometimes. It does, you know, you win the lottery

00:50:50.800 or, you know, whatever. Um, I don't, I don't know what that, that doesn't relate to purpose

00:50:55.160 necessarily, but it's a, it's a windfall. We'll take it. Yeah. Uh, but if you're not actively

00:51:02.360 working towards it, you won't even acknowledge it. You won't even recognize it. It could hit

00:51:07.320 you across the face and you wouldn't even see it because you're not willing to do anything about

00:51:11.900 it. You're not ready to receive. Yeah. Ready to receive. That's a good way to say it. I want to

00:51:16.880 shift gears a little bit and talk about what, I think one of these topics that, that I had seen

00:51:21.000 that stood out to me is, uh, these festering emotional wounds, because this is an area that I

00:51:27.000 think a lot of guys have emotional trauma, uh, and, and, and wounds and injuries and scars that

00:51:33.320 they've built up over time. And we just pushed that stuff down. Like, I don't want to deal with

00:51:38.520 that. Leave it alone. And it always comes back around and it usually comes back around and destructive

00:51:45.020 behavior. And then we don't acknowledge the destructive behavior until it destroys. And we

00:51:50.820 acknowledge the destruction that it left. A hundred percent. Yeah. No, I, and if we just

00:51:58.020 apply logic and men are generally logically logical, right? So let's just look at logic.

00:52:02.700 If you cut your arm and you get it nastiness in it and you just cover that up, it's just going to

00:52:11.080 get worse and worse and worse. You may lose your whole arm, you know, and you may lose your whole

00:52:15.580 body. I got a, I never really actually used this before, but I got them cut. I got a cut in Iraq

00:52:22.820 in the gym on my thumb from a dumbbell, right? Just a little cut. Okay. And I was like, eh,

00:52:32.220 I didn't treat it. I didn't wash it. I didn't, you know, it was little, it was a little one. I may

00:52:36.540 even wash my hands or whatever, but I didn't really go do anything for that cut. About five hours later,

00:52:42.180 my thumb is swollen, gigantic. My hand is red and I'm like, it is just throbbing. I'm like,

00:52:49.960 what the heck? And so then I go to the, I go to treat it and they're like, okay, yeah,

00:52:56.480 you got a pretty nasty infection. I was like, let's literally happen like five or six hours ago.

00:53:00.500 Right. Like what, what the heck? And so they gave me a penicillin shot in my butt. Right.

00:53:05.260 Well, it wasn't enough. Next thing I said, six hours, give it six hours. We'll come back,

00:53:13.000 see where we're at. I had that, I was in the dark and sleeping, trying to sleep and my hands

00:53:18.200 just throbbing unbeknownst to me. It's actually growing and, and just swelling up. And, and I

00:53:24.980 turned on the light because I, after like two or three hours, I was like, I can't, this thing is

00:53:28.520 killing me. And I, and it's like a baseball mitt. And now I have red lines coming up my arm.

00:53:33.440 Right. And, and I remember somebody saying for infections, if you ever see red lines,

00:53:39.040 you get to the hospital now. Right. And so we went right to the hospital and we're like,

00:53:43.760 oh yeah, this is bad. So they put me on IV.

00:53:45.660 Red lines, like what? Like what explain, describe that.

00:53:48.520 So they're just like, it's just red coloration going up your arm. Like they look like lines of red,

00:53:55.020 red coming up your arm. Right. It's not external, it's internal. Right. But, but it's, it's, it's

00:54:01.420 like, I guess it's a sign of like really, really, really, really bad infection growing fast and

00:54:05.980 rapidly. Right. Wow. So my hands huge that anyway, they've quarantined me some sort of mercy they'd

00:54:13.900 never seen before. All this kind of stuff. I got like, they were going to catheter my heart. It was

00:54:18.560 getting that bad. And, and, you know, I had go through several, um, um, surgeries. I go through,

00:54:27.160 I go through several surgeries. You got a visitor. Yeah. It was my son.

00:54:33.340 I know, I know that the off screen hand gesture and like, Hey, I know that. Cause I've done that

00:54:39.560 two dozen times. So I know. I actually think he just came in on purpose to ask if he could go play

00:54:44.440 and knowing I would do this. And, and now, and now he just got permission to play in his mind.

00:54:49.020 He can use that little sucker. I think that's what he just did anyway. But so they did the 0.98

00:54:55.880 surgeries and all that long story short, I'm still here. It didn't kill me, but, um, they told me,

00:55:00.860 they said, if you wouldn't have been healthy, uh, or you would have been old, that would have killed

00:55:05.400 you. That was a cut. That was a cut this big, right. That I just didn't deal with. Right. I could

00:55:12.300 have went when I had that cut and scrubbed it out like this with soap and whatever. And I'd probably

00:55:16.400 have been fine. Nothing would have happened. Right. But how many times do we have like,

00:55:20.300 Oh, that's no big deal. I'll just, I'll just push that down. I'll just push that down. I'll push this

00:55:24.200 down. You know, well, we start stacking that crap and then they start holding it inside. And I don't 0.97

00:55:29.200 know if it's a learned behavior or a nurture, nurture nature that I, I, I know I did it, you know,

00:55:35.620 and, and really, this is what I tell people. You got to get to where, if it, you can talk

00:55:41.940 about those kinds of things, just like it was, just like it was a day, like I'm driving to the

00:55:47.760 bank and this happened. Right. You got to get to where you can talk to, to talk about that kind

00:55:51.700 of stuff. Just like that. Not easy. Cause if it's hard, you means there's already some damage there.

00:55:56.780 Right. If it's hard to talk about that, like in a way that like, not, not, not in a way that like,

00:56:02.840 Hey, maybe this isn't the right environment. Cause yeah, you're not, you gotta be in the right

00:56:05.900 environment to talk about it, but, but like hard, like hard to even get it to come out of your mouth.

00:56:12.180 Right. That means there's already some, some damage that we gotta, we gotta, we gotta work

00:56:17.320 through. And the only way out is through the only way out is through. I am a firm believer of that.

00:56:24.420 And you gotta get it out there. You gotta identify it. And then you just, you know, like I just talked

00:56:29.260 about, you know, blowing people up and things like, and all the things that those are things that

00:56:33.480 absolutely had impact on me and absolutely were buried for a little while. Um, and had more impact

00:56:38.900 than I even realized, you know, until I really started to talk about these things and actually

00:56:42.920 writing the book was cathartic and you don't have to write them. You don't have to write a book.

00:56:47.500 You can just write a journal, you know, you can share those things. Right. Um, but there is,

00:56:52.880 there is health in that, but if you don't abbreviate the wound, uh, it'll kill you. It'll kill you from

00:57:00.340 the inside out. And it could be as little as a little nick on your thumb. You know, 0.93

00:57:04.380 those are the worst ones. Cause you treat the big ones. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's what I said

00:57:09.900 in the book too. I was like, look, a lot of this stuff I was prepared for. It didn't really

00:57:12.820 negatively affect me, but my relationship, that thing fricking knocks me off my feet.

00:57:18.200 And most people can relate to that kind of stuff. Like, Oh, you're saying that was worse than blowing

00:57:24.000 up and getting shot at. Yeah, I am because I wasn't prepared for it, which tells you that the stuff

00:57:28.380 that you're dealing with is legit, right? Whatever it is, it's legit. Yeah. Well, and you also talk

00:57:34.340 about having a powerful support system too, you know, and, and, and, and I think a lot of the

00:57:39.620 times we bought into this idea of as men, I've talked about it quite often, actually, that being

00:57:44.820 this lone wolf is, is, is noble. It's the epitome of masculinity. We have guys like, you know, I

00:57:51.420 remember the Marlboro man when I was growing up and how cool he was or Clint Eastwood. And, you know,

00:57:56.500 then you get into James Bond and Jason Bourne. And these guys are, these guys are rebels, right? They,

00:58:01.840 they operate alone. They don't work well with others. They're cool. They're collected. They

00:58:06.840 get the chicks, they save the day and we all bought into it. Well, yeah, that's, I guess that's how we

00:58:12.800 do it. And yet it just doesn't work. It does not work. It's a horrible, horrible way for a man to live.

00:58:18.980 I still do it. I know all this stuff and I still do it. I think it's a wiring, but you have to be

00:58:24.440 conscious of it. Like what you just said, you're conscious of it. I bet you still do it too. You know,

00:58:28.480 of course, yeah. Right. But being conscious of it's key and then acknowledging it and be like,

00:58:33.560 oh crap, I'm trying to be, you know, army of one, which I always thought was a funny phrase,

00:58:37.840 right? Army of one. I get it. One in purpose, but if you are an army of one is way less powerful than 0.99

00:58:45.280 an army of how many, you know? And, and I mean, synergy is a real thing. Two people equal three,

00:58:51.580 you know, can't equal three. Uh, that's what they, you know, let's say with the mastermind groups too,

00:58:58.220 you know, you're, you got two and a half, you got two minds working. You got two and a half

00:59:01.280 mind power, right? It's the same across all spectrums. Like unity of force is much,

00:59:08.180 much more powerful than standing by yourself. Yeah. Well, Brian, I appreciate the conversation. Um,

00:59:14.340 let the guys know where to connect with you, learn more about what you're up to,

00:59:18.180 and then obviously pick up a copy of cleared hot as well. Yeah. I'm on all the socials. Um,

00:59:23.140 I'll give you the links. You can put them in here. I think I, I may have sent them to you already.

00:59:26.540 You sent them to me. Yeah. But yeah, share them here. Yep. All the social links. Um, I'm on, uh,

00:59:32.240 so Brian Slade on LinkedIn and Instagram and cleared hot.info is our website and you can get the

00:59:39.140 book on Amazon and, uh, and, and it's on audible too now. Um, so, and it's me reading it. So be wary.

00:59:46.320 How was, how was that process for you? Cause I've done that on a couple of books now. How was that

00:59:50.420 process? Oh my gosh, man. I have such admiration for people that do that for a living because it

00:59:57.380 took me 16 tries to get it right. And even then I was like, okay, that's good enough. Right.

01:00:04.420 The, the first one I'll tell you, this is, this is kind of funny story. My brother, he's like,

01:00:07.820 you've got to, you've got to read your own book because nobody else is going to do your story

01:00:10.900 justice and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, I don't know, man, I can tell a story,

01:00:14.000 but reading is different. Right. And, and so I did it and I said, man, I think I'm going to hire

01:00:19.740 somebody because it's just sounds retarded, you know? And, and, and he listens, he's like, no, 0.88

01:00:26.000 no, man, I'm sure it's good. And he listens to it. He's like, yeah, maybe you should hire somebody.

01:00:29.640 And, uh, and then I was like, oh no, no, no, now I'm doing this, you know, because he threw out the

01:00:36.000 gauntlet. Right. And it took me 16 tries. I think, I think it ended up pretty okay.

01:00:40.880 Pretty okay. There it is guys. Go get the audio book. It's pretty okay.

01:00:47.440 Yeah. I'm a salesperson. So

01:00:49.300 we will, we'll, uh, we'll sync everything up. I appreciate you and coming on the podcast and,

01:00:57.080 and obviously service to the country as well. You know, you, you have, you have to operate ugly

01:01:00.840 and a lot of us have the luxury of, of benefiting from the work that guys like you do. So I want to

01:01:07.940 honor you and of course, respect you and your work and your service. And obviously what you're

01:01:12.000 doing now to help guys find their, their purpose and mission as they go forward. So I appreciate

01:01:16.180 you, brother. Thanks for joining me on the show. Thanks Ryan. I appreciate it. You have me.

01:01:21.120 All right, gentlemen, there you go. My conversation with Lieutenant Colonel Brian Slade,

01:01:25.020 very, very powerful one. I really enjoyed his stories. Uh, I can't imagine what he went through

01:01:31.080 in his, uh, deployments, but that gives you a little bit of a glimpse into his life and also a

01:01:36.180 glimpse into his book cleared hot, which I would definitely recommend that you pick up wherever you

01:01:41.080 get your books, connect with him, connect with me on Instagram, Facebook, wherever you're doing

01:01:45.740 your social media thing. Uh, take a screenshot. I always ask that if you're going to do something

01:01:50.660 to help promote what we're doing, which I would ask that you do two things, take a screenshot,

01:01:54.920 post it, tag me and Brian and, or leave a review wherever you're listening to this podcast.

01:01:59.740 Outside of that, iron council only open for three to four days. So if you're on the fence

01:02:04.980 or you're wondering, or you're considering, or just go check it out, join us, dive in head

01:02:10.180 first. If you do it for 30 days and you find value, stick around. If you don't, then you can

01:02:13.880 know you can leave. No questions asked, but dive in, immerse yourself and you're going to

01:02:18.160 get that planning and you're going to get the accountability. It's going to help you execute

01:02:21.380 the plan. All right, guys, that's all I've got. We'll be back tomorrow for our ask me

01:02:26.220 anything. Until then, go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be.

01:02:31.180 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your

01:02:35.260 life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - June 27, 2023

LT. COLONEL BRIAN SLADE ｜ Triumph Over Trauma

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