Order of Man - Make Your Life a Masterpiece, The Value in Failure, and How to Inspire Your Children

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.160 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.700 you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up, man? So great to see you after a long Thanksgiving

00:00:27.760 weekend. I hope you had a good one. How was it for you? It was good. You know it's good when

00:00:33.240 you're ready to get back to the schedule and get things done. So I'm excited to be at work. I'm

00:00:40.060 excited to get rolling. So that's how I know it's a good weekend. The first thing you have to do is

00:00:44.500 talk with me. So sorry. It's a great way to start off my week. No, not to be cheesy, but it is a

00:00:52.240 great way to start off my week. So no, it's good. We have some good questions come in and it's good

00:00:57.100 to be thoughtful and think about just some different things with regards to goal setting

00:01:02.020 and how to improve your life and how to make things better. And you and I, we see things

00:01:08.040 very similarly, although we see it, I think, from a different angle, which helps me have a more

00:01:13.800 well-rounded perspective. So I'm grateful for that for sure. Totally. Totally. And civil discourse

00:01:20.620 and disagreement and evaluating and considering other people's standpoint and point of views

00:01:26.900 is only valuable. And we need, to be frank, we need more of that. I think sometimes the opposite

00:01:34.000 of it. I don't know. So let's talk about that for a second, because I think, I think sometimes you're

00:01:38.900 right. Yeah. I think in most situations, you're right. Especially when it comes to interpersonal

00:01:43.540 communication and dialogue, like you're dealing with a coworker at work. Yeah. I think what you're

00:01:49.480 saying makes sense. I don't know. It seems to me that there is this increasing polarity

00:01:54.340 between political spectrums or even religious viewpoints, spiritual viewpoints, where it's so

00:02:01.840 polar opposite that I'm just at this point, maybe I'm just turning into a grumpy old man.

00:02:07.700 I'm not really, really willing to compromise. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, this is, this is my take

00:02:15.600 on it. And we'll, so we'll use Thanksgiving. We'll use Thanksgiving said it was last week.

00:02:19.640 And we'll use the example of religion or politics coming up during Thanksgiving with in-laws and family.

00:02:27.960 And let me just tell you, if it's me, I'll throw a match in the middle of the thing just to watch it

00:02:32.660 burn, you know? So I want to be aware of that as well. I do need to be careful of that because

00:02:38.160 I don't care, frankly, things like that. I don't care which side I'm on. I just want to watch the

00:02:43.560 whole thing burn down to the ground for entertainment's sake. Worst case scenario.

00:02:49.580 Because I'm so bored. Exactly. See, for me, this is, this is my stance on it. I have gotten so

00:02:57.000 clear in my head that no one changes their opinion based upon an amazing argument. Most people do not

00:03:07.520 change how they perceive things because I was aggressive or eager or drop knowledge on them.

00:03:15.780 Most considerations, most evaluations, most paradigm shifts are through agency of choice

00:03:21.640 on their own terms. And because of ego and pride, most people will never get out of an argument and

00:03:27.720 go, oh my gosh, you know what? Ryan, his aggressiveness in that argument was so profound.

00:03:32.160 I see this differently. No. People will double down and just, and, and, and they will double

00:03:38.180 down almost even in a negative point during an argument. So the way I see it is I'm not ever there

00:03:45.100 to make a point or to convince anybody of anything. If I get into a conversation about religion or

00:03:51.400 politics that I even disagree with, I don't even need to communicate that I disagree. I just communicate

00:03:57.420 and, or just listen because the human condition is very interesting. And, and we actually have a

00:04:03.700 question today around, you know, religion, which I I'm excited to get into, but it's very interesting

00:04:10.160 how, how we evaluate things and, and how we make things mean something. And it's so important that

00:04:17.240 things are right or wrong. And, and I don't know, I just find it fascinating. So I've gotten to a point

00:04:22.240 of, I don't need to prove anything and nor can I change someone's opinion, but I'm willing to

00:04:27.080 listen and, and just understand for understand sake. And then every so often I'll get someone that

00:04:32.820 will go, Kip, what's your take on this? And then I'll share. But until then, I'm not, I'm not about

00:04:40.900 arguing my point to anybody. I I'm over that part. Cause it doesn't, I agree. I agree. And again,

00:04:47.540 I think that comes back to the interpersonal communication, uh, some, uh, somebody in,

00:04:51.540 and, and me were having a conversation just the other day about gay marriage and, you know,

00:04:58.460 I'm a Christian, you know, I don't, I don't, I don't believe personally in, in the concept of

00:05:03.880 being attracted to somebody of the same sex. It's not, it's not something I've ever experienced

00:05:10.120 except for you, Kip, you know, but other than that, you know, it's understandable. I can change

00:05:14.760 the best of all right. Let's, let's, let's take that off. Let's edit that out. Actually,

00:05:22.640 let's edit that out. No, it's, it's, um, and we were talking about gay marriage and my thought

00:05:30.600 on the whole thing, you know, the conservative, I'm a conservative, obviously people who listen

00:05:34.080 to this know that. So if I had to label myself on one political side of the aisle, I'd say I'm on

00:05:39.560 the conservative side of the aisle. The conservative position is no gay marriage. My position is more

00:05:45.500 maybe of a libertarian position, which is, I don't think the government should be telling anybody who

00:05:50.840 should or should not be married, whether they're gay or straight or anything in between. Uh, so like

00:05:58.060 on things like that, I don't care. I'm not into that. If you are fine, whatever. Um, you don't

00:06:06.000 understand me. I don't understand you. So what, but then you have other, you have other things that

00:06:10.860 do directly impact my life. And we can talk about that maybe on a more national political level.

00:06:18.660 For example, homosexuality and gay marriage doesn't really impact my life. If you want to get married

00:06:23.180 to a dude and you're a dude fine or a woman and a woman fine, whatever government in my mind doesn't

00:06:28.280 have any right saying that you should or should not, or can or cannot, because I don't want them

00:06:32.900 involved even in a, in my future marriage, a straight marriage. I don't want them involved

00:06:37.820 in that. So I don't want them involved in anybody else's. Um, but there are things when it comes to

00:06:44.540 taxation, for example, or, uh, national interest, you know, we see these things with Israel and Hamas.

00:06:51.440 It's like fun Israel. I I'm not negotiating. There's no compromise. I will fight to the death.

00:06:59.240 And I actually think that's a virtuous position in that case. So, so I think we need to discern as

00:07:06.240 men between what is worth fighting for and against and what is not. And, and having an argument at

00:07:13.120 dinner with your, your, your, your brother's wife, who's a liberal about who should and shouldn't get

00:07:20.420 married or transgender. Like, yeah, I'm with you. I don't care. Like I really, again, I'll throw the

00:07:27.080 match in there just for some entertainment because I'm bored. It was a little jab, get things heated up

00:07:33.260 for Thanksgiving. Bare minimum. Like what can I do? Just makes one little snarky comment just to get

00:07:39.720 things rolling and then just let it go from there and sit back and watch. But then there are other

00:07:45.140 things where I think as men, we need to get involved with, I'm involved in the fight to reclaim and

00:07:49.760 restore masculinity. That's a fight worth having for me. Um, but there's other fights that I think are

00:07:54.280 worthy of, of, of, of pursuing and, and they're worthy of no negotiation and no compromise.

00:08:02.780 And I think as men, we ought to do a better job of discerning between the two.

00:08:09.520 Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, and when we, when we're evaluating that, why are we compromising,

00:08:17.020 you know, and I think there's just value in understanding ourselves and saying, okay,

00:08:21.460 why am I compromising? Is it because I'm, I'm generally feel like this, I may or may not be

00:08:27.340 accurate on this stance or is this about acceptance? Is this about, you know what I mean? Uh, going

00:08:33.000 against my principles or something else. And so we need to be very careful, uh, when we're processing

00:08:38.700 some of those thoughts and those battles that we choose to take on and make sure that we're,

00:08:43.900 we're taking them on for the right reason as well.

00:08:45.800 Yeah. And you've thought about them. I mean, too many people have sat on positions. They've never

00:08:49.960 thought about the gay marriage thing is a perfect example. I've, I've thought about that and I,

00:08:54.300 and I've had conversations and I even know guys are listening to this like, well, that does impact

00:08:58.080 you. Uh, and, and the Bible tells us not to. It's like, Oh yeah. Okay. Sure. You know, I can get

00:09:04.900 behind that. The Bible also says freedom and agency is a really critical aspect of life. How do you deal

00:09:10.220 with that then? Well, and how do you reconcile the two? Right. Yeah. And yeah, I don't, again,

00:09:16.020 it doesn't, it doesn't directly impact my life. And people say, well, no, it does because then,

00:09:20.820 you know, your, your children will learn about it. Okay. Well, yeah, they will. So it's my job as a,

00:09:25.140 as a father to guide them in what I think is virtuous living, uh, not to expose them unnecessarily or

00:09:31.440 improperly or inappropriately to things they should not be exposed to. You'll hear people say that like,

00:09:38.360 Oh, well, they're going to see about it at some point. So you might as well expose them. I mean,

00:09:41.880 take that logic to its fullest. Well, they're going to talk about sex at some point. So let's

00:09:46.600 go ahead and expose them to pornography. Oh, well, they're going to be exposed to drugs at some point.

00:09:51.080 So why don't you be the first one to get them high? It's ridiculous. Yeah. Yeah. You need to do it

00:09:55.960 as a father appropriately. And people will say, well, that's indoctrinating, right? The difference is

00:10:00.560 I have the authority to indoctrinate my children. You don't kid. Yeah, absolutely. On our terms. Yep.

00:10:08.920 Exactly. Yep. Totally. So let's kick off with some questions from the iron council. You,

00:10:14.800 you open up this app with kind of, you know, goal setting and what we do in the iron council,

00:10:21.800 Eric, um, Manassi, he, he actually had this question. He said, what is the biggest reason

00:10:27.300 do you believe that men leave the iron council? I'm going to expand that question is what do you

00:10:33.180 think the biggest reason men get on a path, whether it's the iron council or some other program,

00:10:39.580 whether it's their fitness or mental, and then fell off? Because I think that the bigger broad of

00:10:45.920 this question will serve more people. Um, I think it's probably the same answer, but, uh, let's,

00:10:51.740 let's start off with that question. Yeah. I'm glad that you, you expanded it. They abandoned their

00:10:57.200 ambitions or their desires or the program that is going to get them on the path. And they do that

00:11:01.420 for two reasons. Number one, uh, they do it because it takes work. They're just not used to

00:11:07.980 it. And a lot of the times when it comes to something like the iron council, other programs

00:11:12.860 that are out there, a lot of the times it's just marketed really cleverly. And, and it, and it's,

00:11:21.080 you're made to believe that if you just sign up and you pay X amount of dollars, then go all of your

00:11:26.340 wildest dreams are going to come true. That's fair. I mean, we don't sit here and go, yeah, we don't go

00:11:32.520 over the list of all the reasons why you probably will fail when you join the iron council. No, right.

00:11:38.760 We're like, Hey, join us, get on the path, make a difference. Hey, guess what? It still requires

00:11:44.120 you to do the work. Yeah. And we, and we don't shy away from that, but in the same breath, right?

00:11:49.040 We, we focus on the positive, like you got this, join us, you know? Yeah. It's, it's like going to

00:11:55.540 the gym. You know, you think you watch a movie or you see somebody you're inspired by, or you get

00:12:00.700 motivated by a woman or, you know, whatever it might be. And you think, okay, I'm going to go to the gym

00:12:04.740 and you go to the gym and you know, the first few minutes feel pretty good. And the last,

00:12:09.500 the next 10 minutes feel not quite as good. And the next 10 minutes are a little worse. And by the

00:12:15.160 time you're 40, 50 minutes into this thing, you're like, this sucks. Yeah, it does suck.

00:12:20.640 It definitely, if you're doing it right, it sucks. You know, you should still be having some fun with

00:12:24.420 it and enjoying it and seeing how it links to your progress and growth, but it's not comfortable,

00:12:28.740 especially if you've never been doing it. How do you take a guy off the couch for the last decade?

00:12:33.300 Who's, who's used to eating, you know, bags and bags of Cheetos and, and playing Xbox all day to

00:12:39.320 now he's going to go out and do a workout at the gym every day for an hour. How do you go to that?

00:12:46.440 That's a big shift. Yeah, it's a big shift. So I think it just becomes hard for people.

00:12:51.980 And then I think the other reason people abandon it, I guess there may be, maybe two. So I'm going to

00:12:56.060 add a third one in here is two things. They either don't see the results as quickly as they expected.

00:13:02.620 So false expectation, or they do experience the results, but they don't properly attribute it to

00:13:10.840 the actions they took. So those are the three answers. Number one, it's too hard and they

00:13:17.380 abandon it. Number two is they don't experience the results they would have liked to have seen as

00:13:22.480 quickly as they could have seen. So a sense of false expectations, which is on them. They need to

00:13:28.260 hire people, be around people who will give them a real set of expectations. And number three is it

00:13:35.120 works, but they misattribute their success to their own, their own efforts or, or something else and

00:13:44.560 begin to believe they don't need the system anymore. And so they fall off the wagon and then

00:13:49.540 naturally and inevitably the results start to deteriorate. And then they come back and realize

00:13:56.260 it wasn't me, it was the system. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. There's nothing I'd add. I just feel

00:14:04.860 most guys, when I think about most guys in the IC, I think the most reason guys join is for

00:14:10.560 accountability. They want accountability. And this is unique to the IC, I think probably more so than

00:14:18.880 maybe other things, but I don't think we evaluate accountability or how uncomfortable accountability

00:14:27.480 is. And so it's like, oh man, I want accountability. I want a system to help support me up. Oh wait,

00:14:34.180 that system holds me accountable and will call me out if I'm out of integrity. Jeez, that's not fun.

00:14:41.300 Right. And then that's, that's not very enjoyable. And so I think that's probably unique to us where

00:14:46.960 it's like, oh man, that maybe how's this? We shed light on what is so. And if guys aren't on that path,

00:14:56.520 then you get exposed. That's what accountability does. And that's uncomfortable. That's uncomfortable

00:15:02.320 for a lot of guys. And I think they, they struggle with that. You need that exposure though. If you want

00:15:07.080 to improve, like if you want to lose weight, what's the first step? You got to jump on the scale.

00:15:12.680 Yeah. I mean, you literally have to strip off your clothes and jump on the scale and look at what that

00:15:18.220 number is. Yeah. Face it. Yeah. If you want to improve your financial situation, you have to open

00:15:25.720 up your bank account and type in that password, that user ID and that password and pull it up and realize,

00:15:30.400 oh shit, this isn't good. Or, or compile a list of your creditors and actually write down the number.

00:15:42.120 Yeah. You have to be exposed. So I actually, I'm excited to say this. I'm excited to say that

00:15:47.720 the data does not actually suggest that the number one reason men join the iron council is for

00:15:55.520 accountability. Oh, that's right. That's right. You got, you got analytics before I got analytics

00:16:01.340 on my side now. What, what is the number one reason, sir? Brotherhood. Brotherhood. And maybe

00:16:08.780 there may be that, you know, maybe there's some semantical games there for sure. Yeah. Yeah. For

00:16:13.180 sure. But I think that men there we've, we've heard this term, at least I have this crisis of

00:16:20.540 loneliness among men. And I think at least anecdotally, and by the data that we've compiled

00:16:26.360 is accurate. Men are looking to band with other men and certainly accountability plays a part.

00:16:34.600 Um, but I think just being around other men learning from, I was having a conversation with

00:16:39.700 somebody yesterday about how, how men are mocked for not knowing things, certain things. And then when

00:16:46.400 a man actually steps up and says, Hey, I don't know how to do that. He's mocked for asking about

00:16:51.860 how to do it. It's like, well, you know, a man can't win. You don't know. And you've got a problem.

00:16:58.060 You ask for help and you've got a problem. So what does a man do? Well, you need an environment that

00:17:03.700 fosters a level of growth. We don't say safe space in the iron council. Uh, Ryan get came up with a

00:17:11.260 term and I like this secure space, right? Safe, safe means that there's no, there's no threat,

00:17:19.080 but in the iron council, there is a threat that you will be exposed, that you will be uncomfortable,

00:17:25.780 but it's an environment in which you can do it and know that the men around you, even though you are

00:17:31.500 vulnerable, and I'm using that word in the proper context that you are vulnerable, you are exposed.

00:17:37.260 You're in an environment where it's secure and we're going to help you put the armor on and do

00:17:43.860 what needs to be done. We're not going to take advantage of it or use it against you.

00:17:47.980 We're going to use it to help you. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Uh, where does

00:17:53.720 accountability sit on that list? Is it even at the top? Uh, I don't, I don't actually, it is,

00:17:58.900 it might be number two. I'd have to look, but it, but it, but it's very close and brotherhood might,

00:18:03.820 again, there might be some semantical wording there, but, but just, I, I just, it's, I want

00:18:08.800 to do impressing with anything that I was looking at the data. So yeah, well, and Reese, Reese would

00:18:13.800 be impressed. He would be impressed. He would be impressed. All right. Next question. Uh,

00:18:20.680 Christopher Hutchinson, how do you enact like our lives have no limits or like today is our last,

00:18:27.420 how would you incorporate for long-term goals? So life has no limits or act like today is your last

00:18:35.880 I'm, I'm real pragmatic and people will say life has no limits and your mind is limitless. That's not

00:18:42.760 true. It is. So, I mean, I, I understand the sentiment, but I, but my brain is very, a little

00:18:51.660 bit more logical in that approach. And let's, let's be honest, there are limits and there's a

00:18:57.300 lot of them are self-imposed. You can't really do anything you want. Yeah. Yeah. If I wanted to go,

00:19:01.000 you know, I'm looking out this mountain over here and I'm like, I, you know, I think I want to fly

00:19:04.420 like a bird today. And I climbed up that mile mountain and I jumped off the cliff. I'm not going

00:19:08.880 to fly. It's not, and it's not some like limit of my mind. That's not working. Like I am going to fall

00:19:15.280 and die. Um, but I get the sentiment and, and I think that's what he's saying. So life is, is limitless.

00:19:21.600 And what was the other and, uh, live like today is your last. That one resonates with me a little

00:19:27.840 bit more fully. Yeah, me too. Um, I talked to, who was it? Um, Jim quick, actually, I think talked

00:19:37.880 about this. I think it was Jim. Uh, he talked about, uh, an element of his, of his book, um,

00:19:44.760 which ironically is called limitless. Uh, and he came up with an expanded edition and he said

00:19:52.220 something to the effect of living, making your life a masterpiece. I believe, I believe it was Jim.

00:19:57.780 Was it Jim or was it somebody else? I can't remember, but that, I don't know that the way that

00:20:02.800 he said it really stuck with me that each day is a masterpiece. This podcast that we're doing right

00:20:07.840 here, Kip should be a masterpiece. Yeah. It should be thoughtful. Uh, it should be deliberate. It

00:20:14.380 should be intentional. The audio quality should be where it needs to be. The video quality should

00:20:18.860 be where it needs to be. Our, our, our banter back and forth, the way that we communicate should be

00:20:23.680 where it needs to be the way that we deliver it. The conversations we're having, the questions we're

00:20:28.240 asking, the questions we're responding to, they should, it should be a masterpiece. If I create a new,

00:20:34.160 a new hat, like we've got new hats in the store, it should be a masterpiece. It should be amazing.

00:20:41.820 Uh, if you're going to go on a daddy daughter date, that date should be a masterpiece.

00:20:50.000 Meaning that you plan something, you dress nice. Like you take a shower and you put a little cologne

00:20:57.040 on and you trim up the beard and you look nice and you go to the, to the local, you know, car,

00:21:03.480 car washing place and you get the car washed and you detail it and you pick her up and, or, you know,

00:21:09.400 maybe she's there with you and, and you open the doors for, and you plan, you get reservations and you

00:21:15.640 plan, maybe she's into a play or maybe she's in a sports, I don't know, whatever she's into, but it should

00:21:21.140 be masterful. Like everything you get up in the morning and you make your bed, you should tuck your

00:21:28.480 corners of your bed sheets. You don't just like throw it on there and like, Oh, here's me. No,

00:21:33.820 it should be masterful. I don't know why that struck, struck a chord so much with me over the

00:21:38.700 past couple of weeks, but I've really been trying to do that. Um, I'm working on a few little projects.

00:21:43.000 I won't disclose just because my sons might be listening, but a few little projects for, uh,

00:21:47.620 for Christmas should be masterful. I think I should pay attention to the details and I should

00:21:53.680 pour time and attention and money into it. And it's a silly little thing. It really is,

00:21:59.340 but I want it to be masterful. I want them to see it for the first time and like be blown away.

00:22:07.580 But that only comes if to, to the, to the question, if we know that, Hey, this could be the very last

00:22:14.260 thing I do today. This podcast right here, these could be the last words that I share.

00:22:20.780 These, these words could actually be the last words that my children ever hear out of my voice

00:22:25.720 because they're not with me. So let's say I wrap this up and I go run an errand and I die.

00:22:30.900 This could be the last audio they have. Yeah. And did you take advantage of it? Was it

00:22:37.520 masterful and beautiful? Right. And when they come, let's take that same scenario. Let's play that to

00:22:43.640 the nth degree. I die. I get into a car accident and I die. My kids are going to come into my house.

00:22:51.580 And what does my house look like? Yeah. Like beer cans and, you know,

00:22:57.320 bullshit all over the place and it's thrashed and it's gross. Or do they come in Cheetos and salsa

00:23:02.920 all over? Yeah. Ice cream melting on the floor, you know, and, or do they come in and they're like,

00:23:11.000 yep. This looks like dad's house. It's clean. Pictures of where they need to be. Stuff that's

00:23:18.940 that's made. Floor is vacuumed and flat. In fact, maybe the, the, the, the floor is being vacuumed

00:23:24.300 because it's on a, on a timer as it is with the little robo vac I have. And like, they come in

00:23:28.420 and like, yeah, this tracks, that's what it should be. Look at your car. I can't tell you how many

00:23:35.580 times I go into somebody's car and I'm like, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Let me clean out

00:23:39.240 the front seat. Let me clean up all this stuff. Yeah. You really like that should be clean already.

00:23:45.820 It should be masterful. It's not my job to judge. I'm just saying, if you want to live a masterful

00:23:50.260 life, then it would already be clean. You wouldn't need to clean it for me. You would,

00:23:55.020 you'd be doing that for yourself. What I like about this Ryan is, is I mean,

00:24:00.680 if you get it like something mundane at that, you know, work wise, if I have to write up some

00:24:07.600 documentation for a client or whatever, I I've really gotten to a point where I love that document.

00:24:14.280 I know it sounds silly, but that 20 page document explaining things, I'm just like,

00:24:19.540 Oh, making it look good and just good diagrams. And just, I love it. Almost. There's a sense of

00:24:27.800 fulfillment I get from that, that the other employee that just does the bare minimum

00:24:34.000 doesn't get right. Like there's a different life that I'm experiencing when I choose it to be masterful

00:24:43.320 versus if I just do it to get by. So this isn't just about impressing, you know, Ryan,

00:24:50.340 Ryan's not saying, Oh, just do all these things to impress people. No, man, this is like

00:24:54.000 fulfillment and meaning. And yeah, maybe that's just it. Fulfillment and meaning in whatever it

00:25:01.920 is that we're doing. And gosh, what a great way to live. Yeah. If we really think about it.

00:25:07.320 Hmm. One thing I think about is just being in the, in the, in the dating pool, you know,

00:25:12.780 as a, as a single father being in the dating pool. And I wish that I would have been a lot more

00:25:17.320 deliberate about the way I dated my wife, my ex-wife. Uh, and I would have done that completely

00:25:23.100 different, but what do you do? I don't know how many married men do this, but I know when a man is

00:25:28.840 single and he wants to take out a woman, he's intrigued or fascinated with, he goes, like I said,

00:25:33.820 and he gets the car detailed and he makes the reservation and he puts on his best clothes

00:25:38.620 and he grooms himself and he runs down to the barber and he gets his haircut and think he does

00:25:42.440 all the things right. Yeah. Masterful. Why? Cause you want to put your best foot forward

00:25:48.260 when you're married, especially as you are married for longer and longer periods of time,

00:25:53.140 that becomes less relevant. It shouldn't. And it, and it did for me. And I wish it wouldn't have,

00:25:57.860 and maybe I'd be in a different position, but I, but I wasn't doing that guys.

00:26:02.780 Always put your best foot forward. And I like what you said, not to impress a woman or your boss or a

00:26:09.100 client, but to impress yourself because when you put your best foot forward and you impress yourself,

00:26:15.720 then all of that other stuff will come into line. Women will come into line. Your boss will come into

00:26:20.980 line. Your clients will come into line because they'll see they come, they're not doing it for

00:26:24.060 me. They're doing it because this is a person who values themselves. And because they value themselves,

00:26:29.260 I can see that there's someone worth valuing. Totally. Yeah. I can't help, but just evaluate,

00:26:37.120 right? We have, we take these two questions we've answered so far, dealing in reality and then being

00:26:42.960 masterful and look at the different roles that we have in life. You know, what's the reality of my

00:26:48.840 marriage? What's the reality of my relationship with my boys? Is it masterful? Is it amazing?

00:26:57.200 And if it's not, man, the importance of stepping into that. Who was the author that did that book

00:27:06.080 with David Goggins where he had Goggins live with him? You're kind of a crazy guy.

00:27:10.040 Oh yeah. Jesse Itzler. Yeah. Jesse's been on the podcast too.

00:27:13.440 So I love something and I follow him on the gram and he said something, and this is probably weeks

00:27:19.960 ago, but I really, really loved it. And he said something about goal setting. He says,

00:27:23.360 every year I do a physical thing that just pushes my limits. And then I do an epic adventure.

00:27:33.660 Yeah. And, and then there's like something else. And I love that idea of like, man, okay.

00:27:38.840 And I know, you know, we can time box it, but it's like, okay, well, what was so amazing about 2023?

00:27:44.500 What breakthrough did I have from a physical perspective? What epic thing did I do that just

00:27:53.120 made that year stand out to me? And if, and the, if the answer to that is nothing, then back to what

00:27:59.800 you're saying, I don't think that year was a masterful year. Right. You know? And so I, I, that is

00:28:06.520 powerful. And I've even shared that with my wife. It's like, man, what's the thing? What's the epic

00:28:12.360 thing for, for this coming year that we plan and make sure that we happen? So we look back and go,

00:28:17.840 yeah, 2024 was that year that we did that thing, that very difficult thing, or that amazing adventure

00:28:24.480 that we never would have considered. Yeah. One thing that you said, Kip, is you were talking about

00:28:30.980 your relationship with your boys. I do want to just throw one caveat in there if I can. And that is

00:28:35.760 don't make your masterpiece contingent upon the way people perceive it. So with a relationship with

00:28:41.560 your sons, for example, there may be strain in the relationship for one reason or the other,

00:28:46.540 that's well beyond your reach. But what you can do is show up fully as a father.

00:28:52.440 If we're talking about dating, not every date's going to be amazing. Not every woman you go out

00:28:58.780 with is somebody you're going to want to marry, but you better show up the way that she could

00:29:03.220 potentially be the one. Right. And then you put it all on the table and then you just let it ride

00:29:08.760 from there. If it works, great. If it doesn't work, no harm, no foul. You put it all on the line.

00:29:14.700 Yeah. So we do have to detach in a way. And I guess there's even a caveat to that, but we do have to

00:29:22.980 detach our actions from the result. And the caveat to that is that you do want to make sure that your

00:29:28.440 actions are eventually going to lead to appropriate results. I think, I would hope that goes without

00:29:33.520 saying, but once you know that you've done your best and you've put your best foot forward and you've

00:29:39.420 done everything that you can possibly do, then at that point, that's the win. And that's where we

00:29:46.280 should take pride. Yeah, absolutely. Good distinction. Connor Daly, in a world of constant

00:29:53.580 conflicting opinions on religion, a creator and our origins as a species, I often feel conflicted with

00:29:59.660 my own religious beliefs. I was raised Christian, but as I grew up, my questioning, everything started

00:30:04.940 to confuse me and make me wonder about what is true. That being said, how can we as men be confident

00:30:11.560 that we are right about what we believe in? I don't want to live my life to find out I was serving the

00:30:17.480 wrong thing and end up in a bad situation in the next step of the journey. There's two approaches I

00:30:26.500 would take. Number one, is it good? He said, who was it again that asked this question?

00:30:38.780 Connor Daly. Connor said, I want to make sure I'm not serving the wrong thing.

00:30:44.580 All religions, not all, but the overwhelming majority of religions have redeeming qualities

00:30:50.780 and the idea is virtuous living. We can agree on that, right? For the most part.

00:30:56.900 Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. So you're not serving the wrong thing by doing the right thing.

00:31:02.720 And what is the right thing? You know, you already know. Go out there, do your best,

00:31:09.500 serve other people, love on people, care about others, work hard, avoid temptations.

00:31:16.920 We all know. And it doesn't matter if it's Catholicism or Christianity or Buddhism or

00:31:24.740 baptism or Mormonism, or it doesn't matter to me anyways. And I know a lot of people say,

00:31:33.780 well, no, this is the only path. I don't really believe that. I don't actually believe that one

00:31:38.280 day I'll die and I believe I'll meet my creator. And I don't actually believe that he's going to say,

00:31:44.700 well, you know, you didn't do this one thing in this one way through this one religion. So

00:31:49.540 you're out. I don't see it being like that. I see a screen being played and him reviewing my life

00:31:59.480 and saying, did you try to do good? Did you try to serve other people? Did you take what I gave you

00:32:07.300 and try to make it better? Did you use it for your own benefit in righteous ways and the benefit of other

00:32:13.780 people? Or did you screw around and you just mess with people? And did you make life harder than it

00:32:19.900 needed to be on yourself and others? And we're going to watch and we're going to see. And I get

00:32:25.340 to watch that movie or I have to, depending on what that movie looks like. So I don't, I don't think

00:32:34.140 knowledge is there to confuse you. I think it's there to expand your horizons and expand your beliefs.

00:32:39.140 And, and I don't think that just because you happen to read something outside of the Bible,

00:32:43.580 that it's not, it's not spiritual or it's not godly. You'll even hear religious people who say

00:32:49.920 that, well, everything's in the Bible. No, everything's not in the Bible. Like people say,

00:32:55.480 I have a, I have a video that it's like seven books. Every man should read. And I deliberately did

00:33:00.660 not include the Bible because I think the Bible should just be included in there. If you want to read

00:33:04.680 the Bible, read the Bible. And, and people will say in comments, this is the only book you should

00:33:08.840 read. I disagree. I completely disagree. I think there's some incredible lessons. My Bible is

00:33:17.660 sitting there right on my nightstand. There's some incredible lessons. I can't say I crack it open every

00:33:22.160 single day. I'd like to, but you know, every two to three days I crack it open and I read a passage or

00:33:27.500 a scripture or a story. Then there's some great lessons in there, but I got three other books that

00:33:32.540 I'm reading that are pretty valuable too. And those aren't ungodly just because they aren't in the

00:33:36.960 Bible. Read and expose yourself to cultures and beliefs and ideas. And instead of worrying about

00:33:45.040 how this one conflicts with this one, here's a good example, Christianity and Stoicism. I hear all

00:33:50.180 the time, oh, you should never study Stoicism because it conflicts with Christianity. No, it doesn't.

00:33:55.900 Absolutely. Not at all. It compliments it. But if you're looking for ways that it conflicts,

00:34:00.640 or you think that just because one dogma is the only way to live your life, that you can't expose

00:34:07.660 yourself to something else, then you're going to have this internal conflict, which is, which is the

00:34:12.280 right book to read. Millions and millions of things that we can learn in an infinite number of things we

00:34:18.780 can learn. But I have to learn that one thing is if I don't, then I'll be at odds with my creator.

00:34:23.880 I don't actually believe that at all. I think we all have gifts to add to the world. We all have

00:34:32.300 insight. As I get older, I think I'm more empathetic and understanding of what's going on because I've

00:34:38.100 been through my own bullshit that I can see other people's bullshit a little bit more clearly than I

00:34:43.060 could when I was 20 and had life figured out. You know what I'm saying?

00:34:46.100 Yeah. So my answer to you is stop looking for things to be conflicting and start looking for

00:34:54.120 patterns in ways that they actually are congruent and work together and things are harmonious

00:34:59.560 rather than contentious. And if you want to get biblical, you can talk about contention being

00:35:04.280 of the devil. I won't get into that necessarily. But if you're looking for a way to live a more

00:35:11.480 Christian life, I'm assuming you're a Christian, then the idea is harmony and congruency. And

00:35:17.440 there's harmony between the two books right on top are my Bible and Limitless. There's harmony

00:35:22.660 between those two books. If I'm looking for them to conflict, they will. If I'm looking for harmony

00:35:28.380 between the two, I'll find that.

00:35:30.800 Billy, I had a great conversation with my son a few months ago when we're driving to go work on the

00:35:38.000 house and he's loving Stoicism. And he says to me, he says, dad, you know, it's really interesting as

00:35:45.860 I study Stoicism more and more, I can't help but think that Christ is almost like the perfect Stoic.

00:35:54.700 And for me, it was like, yes. And what I told him was, Ian, I go, you want the gospel?

00:36:03.080 Here's the gospel. It's truth. Wherever you find it. That is the gospel of my creator is truth.

00:36:12.940 And you can find truth in many things, right? Even think about the Bible. Okay. A bunch of

00:36:20.160 writings from numerous individuals put together into a single book. Who dictated whether it was put into

00:36:27.700 that book or not. Catholicism, well, I'm not Catholic, but yet the basis of whose writings

00:36:34.360 got into the Bible and who didn't is based upon a religion I'm not part of, but yet it's the

00:36:39.800 foundation of mine. Be very careful, right? Be very careful. And I think this is rooted in the idea

00:36:46.560 that we need to look at religion as a conduit for our own personal religious spirituality.

00:36:53.500 The minute that it's right or wrong, it means that you have outsourced your spirituality to that

00:37:01.140 thing. And that should never be the case. In my opinion, it is your religion. It is your

00:37:06.360 connection to your creator. It is what you believe and it's your spirituality. Now pick different

00:37:13.060 conduits that will help you get there, right? Different books, maybe different religious books.

00:37:17.320 But if your identity is so tied to, let's say, a religious group and or a book, then you have lost

00:37:26.660 the higher level of spirituality, in my opinion. That is like, I don't know, I'm struggling with an

00:37:35.960 explanation here. But you're riding on the coattails of it for your spirituality. You need to

00:37:42.500 have some self-actualization and move beyond it. And I think when we do that, we find truth

00:37:48.480 in many things. And we realize that what is quote unquote, right, is also based upon where we are

00:37:57.560 right now, based upon our ability to accept whatever it is that we can accept in the moment. And it's

00:38:03.880 going to be different. I mean, I'm sure that you and I can both look at our past and say,

00:38:09.420 where my spiritual beliefs were five years ago, 10, 15 are so drastically different.

00:38:15.900 And it's not because major shifts, it's because I'm different. I'm capable of understanding things

00:38:22.200 that I never would have understood before. There's elements of love and forgiveness that I have never

00:38:30.120 been able to comprehend until now in my life. And it comes with experience and time.

00:38:37.800 And so I would say to Connor, try not to get wrapped up even in all what is right and what

00:38:44.520 is wrong, but realize that you're on a path of exploration and growth. And what you know today

00:38:49.720 is not going to be the same of what you know five years from now. And that's a good thing

00:38:54.500 because you're not ready to receive an enlightened version of knowledge until you're ready. And it's

00:39:02.080 about the path of growth and continuous improvement.

00:39:04.180 You also have to be careful because people will try to keep you where they are because

00:39:08.800 it represents a threat to them. So you do have to be aware of that. And I hear that all the time.

00:39:13.160 Well, Ryan, you said this five years ago. That was five years ago. I said something that

00:39:17.060 contradict what I said today, five minutes ago, but you're way behind the boat. If you're comparing

00:39:21.300 what I said five years ago, there's a great quote by Heraclitus. He says, no man ever steps in the

00:39:26.280 river twice for it is not the same river and he is not the same man. So we're different. Experiences

00:39:33.900 are different. Cultures are different. I'm a simple guy. So I like simple analogies. Imagine

00:39:39.100 the game of football. We all like the game of football. Let's say we're in the NFL.

00:39:44.900 Kip, the goal of football is the same regardless of what team we're on. And let's say I play for the

00:39:50.560 Raiders and you play for the Packers. If I'm in the Raiders program, well, I'm in, I'm close to

00:39:57.320 Vegas now. So, you know, out of all the teams you could have given me, I'm close to it. No,

00:40:01.640 I'm on there. You're on the Packers. What's he, what team do you want to be? Kip? You tell me.

00:40:06.700 Okay. What team do you want? I want to be on the Cardinals, but they suck this year,

00:40:10.360 but I'll take the Cardinals because you know, carvings. All right. Cardinals. Okay. Cardinals. All right.

00:40:15.960 Whatever. Of all the teams you could have picked. Okay. So we're both playing. We're both in the

00:40:21.980 NFL. I'm on the Raiders. You're on the Cardinals. We both have the same objective to win in a certain

00:40:27.420 way. There's rules. Yeah. The way that we, the rules are the same so much so that we agree on the

00:40:34.000 rules. Like here are the rules and we're going to have a third party entity referees come in and

00:40:38.580 enforce these rules for us. So we agree on that. But the way that our team plays versus the way that

00:40:44.940 your team plays, it's going to be different. And if I get transferred to the Cardinals,

00:40:50.360 I don't get to go to the Cardinals and say, Hey, look, this, no, I do it the Raiders way.

00:40:53.900 Like you can, you can leave because you're going to do it the Cardinals way.

00:40:59.100 And so the point that I'm making here is that the rules are universal. Do good, be good.

00:41:06.880 There's obviously there's some room for, for discussion, I think on some of those things,

00:41:11.740 but for the most part, we know. And what team you play for is really just based on your,

00:41:17.080 your preference and, and, and how you think is the best way to achieve the objective.

00:41:21.900 And, and I think the best teams are versatile. The best teams can adapt. You know, you even hear

00:41:27.760 great quarterbacks. You know, I remember watching Peyton Manning and calling audibles on the play

00:41:32.400 because he saw something in the moment that needed to be adjusted for. And that's life. There needs to be

00:41:38.860 adjustments. There needs to be pivots. The goal is the same return to our creator. The way we do it

00:41:44.620 is got to adjust based on our own personal life and the circumstances we find ourselves in,

00:41:51.040 whether they're self-inflicted or otherwise. Yeah. And I like that. I like, that's a great analogy

00:41:55.680 and, and playing for the Cardinals, I'm, their system might work better for me. And how do I know

00:42:02.020 that? Because, because I, I, I flourish in that environment. I I've seen the benefits, my yards go

00:42:09.760 up and I'm succeeding on that team. And I may not as much on the Raiders. Right. And so how do I

00:42:15.040 gauge that due to the results and the fruits that it's giving me? Yep. Yep. Exactly. Yeah. There you

00:42:21.920 go. All right. Robert Larson, how to overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome with starting

00:42:29.700 a new business? Or how do I shift your mindset to focus on building your part-time business to

00:42:34.480 become a full-time one day? Well, look, here's what I would say. And I know it sounds a little

00:42:39.080 harsh. Why are you already thinking about all the ways it can fail before even starting? I don't know.

00:42:45.980 I've never, I've never really thought that maybe that's just a personality, but I've never,

00:42:50.160 I mean, I've thought about like, what if this doesn't go well? I'll know if it goes right.

00:42:53.440 Yeah. You know, so I look at a new business and the first thing is for me anyways, has never been,

00:43:01.460 oh man, I don't know. The first thought for me is like, oh, this could be cool. This, what if I did

00:43:07.980 this? Oh, wait, whoa, what about this? Oh, here's an idea. Oh, that'd be cool. Yeah. Let's try that.

00:43:12.960 And maybe that's a personality thing. I don't know. But I would challenge you as to why,

00:43:18.380 why are you getting pessimistic so, so quickly about it? Limiting beliefs. There's no limiting

00:43:24.460 belief. Get some reps going first, maybe. Let's go. Let's go. You should be excited. You're starting

00:43:30.480 a new business. What are you seeing other businesses do? Where are other businesses lacking?

00:43:35.900 What, what, what skill do you bring to the marketplace that isn't already there? How are

00:43:41.780 you better at something than somebody else? Let's go. Come on. Enough of that. Yeah. I don't

00:43:48.340 have time for limiting beliefs because I'm too focused on what ifs, possibilities. What could

00:43:53.620 be if I do this, if I do that, if I try this, if I invest there. And then if I, if it doesn't work

00:44:01.200 out, maybe this is part of the belief. If it doesn't work out for me, then I pivot, but I don't

00:44:07.140 know until I try it. So I'll try it and I'll be like, yep, that didn't work. I tend to be a pretty

00:44:11.940 intuitive person as well. So I might take something and somebody might share an idea, for example,

00:44:16.640 and I'll think to myself, no, I don't want to do that. And that's all I need.

00:44:20.940 Yeah. Or I might hear something or see something or come up with an idea. And I'm like, that

00:44:25.560 sounds good. And that's all I need to get going. And then you figure it out along the way, be

00:44:31.260 willing to experiment, be willing to look a little foolish because you will from time to

00:44:34.400 time and knock it off. Just stop doing that. Start thinking about the possibilities.

00:44:41.860 You, you know, this, I went to that, went, went to the muster, um, with, with Echelon

00:44:47.600 front. Yeah. Down in Dallas, right? Yeah. And, and one thing that, that I got from that

00:44:54.300 and I thought it was great. Cause I don't know, you know how it is. It's probably something

00:44:58.680 I've heard like a hundred times, but just didn't connect until this time. And what it was

00:45:03.680 is this idea that be careful that we don't wrap our egos around the plan that we, we put

00:45:12.280 this plan in place and then it's just like this perfect plan. And we'll even like, even

00:45:18.400 start going down a path. We shouldn't be go because it's the perfect plan. And, and he's

00:45:24.060 like, that's your ego. And you gotta be willing to like adjust. And what I really, and one thing

00:45:29.980 that really resonated was everything is a guest anyway, we're just guessing all the time. Yes.

00:45:35.780 And we need to like, let go of this perfect plan. And I do see that a little bit in Robert's

00:45:41.020 question and Robert, I'm this way, right? When I think of something, I'm like, okay, here's my

00:45:46.340 business strategy. Here's what I'm going to do. And I paint this elaborate picture in my mind of how

00:45:51.040 it's going to go. That's part of the problem because I'm so set on controlling how it's going to go

00:45:58.960 that I really realized that, Hey, I just need to get some reps and guess what? Back to kind of what

00:46:04.580 you're saying, it may not work. And when it doesn't, I'm going to pivot and I'm going to adjust

00:46:09.140 and it's going to be okay. And you don't know what you don't know until you don't know, right? Until

00:46:14.080 you know it. Right. And, and you just need to take some steps and probably let go a little bit in

00:46:19.220 regards to the bigger picture and dictating how it's going to go, because we're all just kind of

00:46:25.040 guessing and validating and testing. And we need to be able to be agile in that moment.

00:46:30.720 So then that way we're not locked into something anyway. And so that's, I don't know, I, hopefully

00:46:35.500 that helps a little bit. And, and one thing that I've always done too, when I, I was working at Intel

00:46:41.700 and Micron and, and I got a severance package. So I had this cushion to, to act, right? I thought,

00:46:46.920 Oh man, I got six months of full-time pay. Now's the time, right? If I'm going to try my own

00:46:51.880 business, I got six months to give this a run. And, and it's funny how this works, but it's just

00:46:57.640 a psychological game. And my game was what I'm going to try this. And if it doesn't work,

00:47:02.440 what I'm going to do, I'm just going to go get a job. That's it. So I'm going to try this. And if

00:47:08.340 it doesn't work, I have confidence enough that I can go get a job somewhere. Of course, 12 years later,

00:47:13.640 I still, I didn't have to go get a job yet. Right. And so, and I kept going because I didn't have to go

00:47:18.820 get a job, but I, and that play in my head was enough for me to take the risk and get past my

00:47:25.620 limiting beliefs because worst case, I could just go get a job and it wouldn't be that big of a deal.

00:47:32.560 Yeah. Yeah. It'll all work out. Cause it has to, what's the alternative.

00:47:36.260 Yeah. You'll figure it out. Yeah, absolutely. As you were talking, I got thinking about,

00:47:42.340 I work really well in analogies. I see things differently in analogies. And I got thinking

00:47:46.520 about, I'm not a big track and field guy, but for whatever reason, I got thinking about hurdles

00:47:50.580 and, and, and the event of hurdles. And you know, when, when, when an athlete who is going to run

00:47:58.440 this race is thinking about the distance, I don't know much about hurdling. So somebody can correct

00:48:03.900 me and you guys will, of course you always do. So I appreciate that. But when an athlete is thinking

00:48:08.860 about the distance that goes along with hurdles and thinking about the height of the hurdles and the

00:48:12.720 placement of the hurdles, they don't sit there with their coach and like, Hmm, how could we move

00:48:16.960 that hurdle somewhere else? When should I kick? Yeah. Yeah. That's what they actually do think

00:48:21.960 about that, but they're not thinking about like, how do I get rid of the hurt? They're not saying

00:48:26.700 like, Hmm, that, let's get that one off the field. Move that one. Like those hurdles are there. Like

00:48:33.380 they're not going anywhere. They're at a set pace, a set distance, a set height. And now it's your job

00:48:38.640 to figure out how do I best clear that hurdle? Cause it's not moving. I can't move it. I can't

00:48:46.400 put it somewhere else. I can't get rid of it. It's there. So you work with a coach and a coach

00:48:51.340 says, okay, well, here's the speed at which you come out of the blocks. Here's when you start to

00:48:56.680 get into your movement. Here's the technique. Here's how you get the most height, but not too much

00:49:02.480 height. Cause that'll probably slow you down. So we just want to barely clear the hurdle so that we can

00:49:07.460 keep our momentum going forward. So a coach is there to work you through the hurdles that will

00:49:11.840 inevitably come up, but nobody ever in hurdling says, Hmm, I'd like there to be less. There should

00:49:17.620 be fewer. Let's get, let's get rid of the hurdles. Yeah. Right. And I think that's the mentality here

00:49:23.080 is just be aware that there are hurdles. They're not going anywhere. They're, they're, they're not

00:49:28.180 going to change. They're going to be there. Somebody's already done it. So maybe hire a coach who can

00:49:32.640 work you through the best way to overcome some of these things. That's how you take it to the next level.

00:49:36.580 That was the second part of his question. Yeah. And, and you're not good. There's value in the

00:49:42.120 failure. That's the other thing we need to get past this. You know, uh, Andrew Huberman at who

00:49:47.760 Huberman, he had, he had a podcast. I don't know, probably about a month ago. He talked about

00:49:52.740 when you have a growth mindset, when you couple it with the idea that stress is enhancing,

00:49:58.860 you have way more success, way more success. And we need to stop looking at stress or challenges as

00:50:07.600 something bad, right? It's a good thing. That's where all the growth is. So it's like limiting the

00:50:14.100 beliefs. What if my business doesn't fail? Awesome. When it fails, guess all the wonderful things you're

00:50:19.840 going to learn. So start, start failing and start learning and figure it out, right? Like it may not

00:50:28.100 work, but that's, that's, there's still major value in the process. I'm actually really grateful that my

00:50:34.360 first podcast failed. Yeah. I imagine you still talking about finances, how boring this would be.

00:50:42.580 It would be horrible. None of you would be listening. I'd be miserable.

00:50:45.340 And I would probably would have abandoned it anyways, a long time ago, but it failed. It

00:50:51.040 didn't, it didn't work. It wasn't a failure in that nobody listened. It was just something I

00:50:54.820 didn't really enjoy. But along the way I learned, Oh, I liked the medium of podcasting. So let's just

00:51:00.000 pivot. And because that failed in the traditional sense of the word, I was able to move forward into

00:51:06.120 something that hasn't yet. And hopefully it won't, you know? So it's okay. It's all right. Just let go a

00:51:12.900 little bit. Let go a little bit. Tyler, bottomly, how to push through on the days where you just

00:51:20.840 don't feel like putting in the work. Just lower your expectations for that day, for the day. I'm

00:51:30.060 okay with that. I used to say, just push through, just drive through, just, and some days you do,

00:51:35.540 like if there's an important meeting, you have to, right? But let's say you get up and you're not

00:51:41.840 feeling the gym and, or, or you slept through your alarm. You could just throw in the towel

00:51:48.520 completely, or you can say, you know, I'm not going to make it to the gym today, but I can go

00:51:51.940 for a walk during lunch. I can do that. Okay. Do that. That's okay. I'll allow it. Like just,

00:51:59.720 just lower the expectation for the day. The part where it becomes a problem is when it starts to trend

00:52:08.220 and that's when, you know, you have a problem, but if it's a one-off and, and you're not feeling

00:52:14.300 it for the day. I know if you're like me, a lot of guys who are hard chargers have a hard time

00:52:18.880 letting go. They have a hard time, time slowing down. We started the podcast by saying that you

00:52:23.240 think about Thanksgiving, uh, it's like, okay, back to work, enough of vacation. This is ridiculous.

00:52:29.760 I'm there with you. I get that. I'm the same way. And S and so it's hard for us to take a break and

00:52:36.680 take a step back. And so a lot of times we'll burn out. And in that case, what I would say is

00:52:41.020 don't do it all, just do something and, and make it masterful, do it the best that you can. I'm not

00:52:48.020 saying change the standard, please don't misunderstand. I did not say change the standard

00:52:52.980 or give up. Yeah. Right. The standard should still be held to the highest, but change the

00:52:58.820 expectation a little bit for the day, get a few wins. That's another thing that you can do is if

00:53:04.480 you're like loss after loss, after loss, stack a few wins, small things that you can just stack up

00:53:11.120 and, and build up some momentum again, because I think about it with, with baseball, you know,

00:53:17.120 you see these guys, these athletes who are the best, the best of the best. And sometimes they have

00:53:21.580 hitting slumps, just the way it goes. Sometimes all you need is to get walked and get on base and

00:53:28.160 steal second. You're like, okay, a little bit of confidence, right? And maybe that's what you need

00:53:33.100 when things aren't going your way. Maybe you botched a presentation or didn't land a big client or,

00:53:38.640 or, or the woman, you know, didn't want to continue the relationship with you. You know,

00:53:42.300 those are all losses. Okay. Well, you know, go on another date, go get another client, make another call,

00:53:49.420 uh, talk to an existing client, see if you can serve them better in some way, try to stack some

00:53:54.700 wins. And I can think you can build the momentum up from there. Yeah. I like that. Mike Scurlock.

00:54:02.720 I got myself into construction industry, not too long ago after the military, I'm selling roofs and

00:54:08.420 I do well, but the idea of me making a penny when the boss makes a dollar drives me up the wall.

00:54:13.980 I want to start my own business and be my own boss like anyone else. And I have my sales directly

00:54:20.140 affect my workload and profits where I can manage it all more freedom. Basically what was the most

00:54:25.600 important first step starting your business? And how did you manage the stress of supporting a

00:54:29.800 family while taking a leap into the entrepreneurial lifestyle? So in my situation, just to briefly give

00:54:36.200 you an overview, I was able to sell a financial advisory practice. So I had a lump sum of money.

00:54:41.440 It sounds like you had a lump sum of money, at least to some degree with your severance package.

00:54:45.620 So that worked out pretty well because it gave us a buffer and a cushion. I realized that doesn't

00:54:50.660 work out for everyone. So if you know that you're planning an exit strategy, whether it's in the next

00:54:55.700 month or the next year or the next five years, then just start working backwards and asking yourself,

00:55:00.880 what do I need to do in this time? So that when a year comes up or five years comes up,

00:55:06.140 it won't be so much of an issue, the financial strain that will come with you leaving.

00:55:10.060 That might be paying off debt. That might be learning to live a little bit more within your

00:55:14.940 means. That might mean saving a bunch of money. So it's set aside. So you're ready to make that

00:55:19.980 leap. It might mean learning how to be a good social media marketer or develop and build relationships

00:55:26.420 outside of what you have going on with your current relationships that will help transition the

00:55:31.620 business better when you do make that transition. I do want to throw the caveat in here that I think

00:55:36.600 that it's very important that we maintain integrity. I think as a, as a contractor currently,

00:55:42.600 it might be easy for you to try to sandbag relationships and try to build relationships

00:55:48.340 so that you can poach those relationships later. And I'm not saying that's totally wrong,

00:55:54.200 but the way that you go about doing it. And if you undercut your boss, it's just not a righteous,

00:56:00.180 virtuous thing to me. But you should be building those relationships. And when the time comes,

00:56:06.260 there might be an appropriate time where you could reach out to a business relationship that

00:56:11.320 you built in another context. I would just say, be careful with that because I think the way we do

00:56:16.320 things matters. At least that's my perspective of it. Your boss is paying you right now. He's

00:56:22.340 training you right now. That's when you might partner with. Yeah. You might be partnering with him

00:56:27.520 in the future. Who knows? You don't know. So be careful. Yeah. When I, when I, so I was with an

00:56:34.500 organization, a company, and I was doing insurance and investments through, and I realized it's time

00:56:40.460 for me to probably start thinking about starting my own advisory firm. And I spent about six months,

00:56:45.540 eight months, if I remember correctly, really thinking about, okay, what am I going to do to build

00:56:49.660 this? I started doing some paperwork. I started building some websites. I built up my social media

00:56:55.300 following, not necessarily with the financial stuff, but I started the podcast around that time.

00:56:59.820 Like there was a lot of things that I was doing that was gearing me up for that transition.

00:57:06.220 And the way that I viewed it was free training. In fact, better than that, somebody's paying me to

00:57:13.200 learn all of this stuff. So I learned about business. I learned about accounting. I learned

00:57:17.220 about bookkeeping. I learned about marketing. I learned about all of this on somebody else's dime.

00:57:22.440 And I wasn't taking advantage of that person. I was still fulfilling my agreements that I had

00:57:27.120 with that individual and that resource because of it. Yeah. Right. But I was so grateful to that

00:57:33.180 company, even though I knew I was leaving because they paid me for training. They trained me how to

00:57:40.600 have a business. They paid me to do that. That's pretty incredible. So if you look at it like that,

00:57:48.860 and you're more grateful for the opportunity that somebody's paying you to learn the ins and outs,

00:57:53.460 maybe there's sides of the business that you can learn today that you don't know about. Maybe all

00:57:57.980 you know is installation, or maybe all you know is sales, but you don't know the backend bookkeeping.

00:58:02.660 Maybe you don't know marketing. Maybe you do know sales, but you don't know installation or maybe

00:58:06.340 vice versa. What things can you learn in the business now so that when you make that transition,

00:58:11.640 it makes it that much more seamless for you. Yeah. He specifically asked, how do you manage

00:58:18.360 the stress of supporting a family while taking the leap? Communication. That your wife believes in

00:58:27.340 you, man. Kids believe in you. Like they have no reason not to. They believe in you. You're their

00:58:33.320 hero. You're your wife's hero. You're your kid's hero. So let them know what you're doing. Include

00:58:41.600 them in the process. You can even let them know you're scared. We had a conversation on Friday in

00:58:47.680 the iron council, Connor Beaton from man talks and the author of men's work joined us. You can,

00:58:52.920 you can let them know you're scared. You can let them know that you have concerns, but what he suggested,

00:58:58.200 and I agree is that you have a plan or at least you're working towards one. Hey hon, look, I'm

00:59:04.800 thinking about doing this next year, 2024, the end of this year, end of next year, I'd like to have my

00:59:09.620 own business. And I'm scared because there's the financial risk that comes with it. There's the risk

00:59:16.900 of looking foolish. There's the risk of not being able to provide for you and the kids. I'm actually

00:59:22.400 really scared about it, but here's some things that I'm currently doing to make sure that when we make

00:59:28.800 this leap, it's not going to be as scary. And I have a higher likelihood of success. How do you feel

00:59:35.240 about it? And just, just open your mouth and communicate with the woman that you love with

00:59:41.660 the kids who think you're their hero. And those things will work themselves out. Communication.

00:59:46.960 Totally. The other thing, Mike, is get Dylan reality as much as he can in regards to what it's going to

00:59:54.320 take and what the cost is going to be. That way we know what we're getting into. We talked about this

00:59:59.300 earlier, people lose momentum, right? Because they're like, oh man, I'm going to be an entrepreneur

01:00:03.180 and have a flexible lifestyle and freedom of time. Well, maybe not for the first three years.

01:00:11.420 Maybe you're going to work a lot more than you work now, and it's going to be highly stressful,

01:00:15.740 and you're not going to have any time because the business has taken up all your time.

01:00:20.980 And just get clear on that. So you understand what you're getting into and you understand the

01:00:26.020 costs and you don't get sideways when you realize that you don't have any time because there is an

01:00:31.940 associated cost to it. So Dylan reality, and it's not for everybody. Yeah. I can't, I can't count how

01:00:38.780 many nights, man. Like I'd be like, my wife says it this way. She's like, we're like Uber rich.

01:00:45.740 We're poor. We're Uber rich. We're poor. Right. And it was just this roller coaster. And I can't

01:00:51.860 count how many times business would be going great. And we'd sit there in bed and she'd be

01:00:56.940 like, oh, how's that project going? I'm like, oh, we're wrapping up. We're going to be done,

01:01:00.500 you know, in a couple of weeks. And she's like, oh, what's after that? And I'm like, you can't ask

01:01:06.480 that at 10 PM at night. Then I wouldn't sleep all night. Cause I'm like, oh my gosh,

01:01:10.040 we're broke in two weeks, you know, you know, and then I stress it out again. It's just, oh my

01:01:16.220 goodness. That's the nature of men and women though. Right. So it's important to be aware of

01:01:20.220 that. The answer to her is regardless of where you're at, stop spending money.

01:01:28.180 Yeah, totally. That's funny. The, the other thing I was, um, I got, I forgot, I forgot.

01:01:35.060 Anything else there for Mike? No, I don't think so. I distracted you. Sorry. Let's take one more

01:01:39.780 kit. Oh yeah. All right. Jason Davis, he actually threw out four questions for you. So you get a

01:01:45.960 pick and choose, choose your own adventure with Jason Davis. All right. I appreciate, I mean,

01:01:50.740 turning hobbies, but I appreciate the, the ambition turning hobbies into side hustles. Option one,

01:01:57.340 option number two, best practices for structuring a business. Option three, how to motivate and

01:02:03.340 encourage your kids or option number four, where to learn hunting for your kids. I don't like any

01:02:09.640 of those. Let's take, let's take option three. Remind me what it is again. I like that one. How to

01:02:17.700 motivate and encourage your kids. Okay. I like that one. Let's take that one. Uh, motivate them the way

01:02:25.960 they would want to be motivated, not the way you would want to be motivated. That's it. That's the

01:02:30.740 answer. I think every man deals with that. I deal with it. I I'm like, why won't my kid do this thing?

01:02:37.380 Cause he doesn't like it. I remember I asked my second son, I said, do you want to go on a hunt

01:02:41.780 with us? Can't remember which hunt it was. And he said, no, I don't really want to do that. And I was

01:02:46.220 so disappointed. And I'm like, you don't all shocked. Like you don't why? And he's like, well,

01:02:52.500 dad, I don't like being cold. I don't like being tired. And I don't like being bored.

01:03:00.140 Like, yeah, those are legitimate reasons. Yeah. Those are legitimate reasons. And so the kid

01:03:08.780 doesn't like to hunt. So what? So what he'll go, he's gone on a couple of hunts. He'll go sometimes

01:03:14.840 if it sounds interesting or whatever, but like, so what? And so what changes, right? And it's fine.

01:03:21.620 It's fine. So what I would do is I would look at my kids and I would really try to understand

01:03:26.460 what my kids are motivated by. You know, Christmas is coming up. Maybe they want to buy something for

01:03:31.960 somebody else and they need a little money. Okay. Well now I know how to motivate you. I can motivate

01:03:36.840 my kids. I know when my kids are motivated, you know how they'll come to me and they'll say, Hey dad,

01:03:40.900 how many orders do you have? I'm like, why, why do you care? Like, we want to help you fulfill orders so

01:03:45.100 we can earn a little money. Good. We can do that. No problem. What do you, why do you want money? Oh,

01:03:50.780 I want to buy a, you know, this, this girl, a present. Cool. There's my motivation. I, it doesn't

01:03:57.760 need to be my motivation. It needs to be their motivation. Now the alternative to that is a kid

01:04:02.500 who's not motivated at all. That's not true either because a lot of guys would be like, Oh, my kid,

01:04:07.400 all he wants to do is play video games. Well, he's motivated to play video games and motivated to play

01:04:10.820 those. Yeah. So why don't we go to the video game conference that's in Las Vegas this weekend and go

01:04:16.900 check it out and see what it's all about. Oh, well, why would I just, why, what, why would I

01:04:21.440 encourage that? Because maybe he's going to develop video games and become the next billionaire then

01:04:26.360 make the next greatest video game. And you're so worried about what he should or shouldn't be doing

01:04:31.120 and not worrying about what he's into that you can't help foster a healthy environment or path for

01:04:36.940 him to pursue. My second, who has talking about hunting, he loves, he loves sneakers. He loves tennis

01:04:42.620 shoes. I don't care about shoes. It doesn't, it's not a thing for me, but if he likes them, I found

01:04:47.900 there's a sneaker con in LA. We're going next year. I don't care about that personally. What I care

01:04:55.180 about is that he's into it. Is he going to make shoes at some point? I don't know. Maybe he doesn't

01:05:00.860 make shoes. Maybe he becomes a clothing designer. Maybe he becomes an engineer because I fostered a love

01:05:07.180 for, for color schemes and how things are put together. I don't know where it's going to go,

01:05:12.460 but I know he's motivated about it. And I know it's my job as a father to create opportunities

01:05:17.320 that he's motivated by as long as they're healthy and in constructive and healthy ways.

01:05:22.560 Let's stop doing it in the way we think our kids need to do it through us or living vicariously

01:05:27.460 through our children. And as long again, as it's healthy, because there is a, there is a caveat to

01:05:32.640 this. And I see it all the time where a kid will say, you know, I'm, I'm a, I'm a furry, I'm, I'm a

01:05:38.480 cat. And a parent will say, Oh yeah, you're a cat. Let's put a litter box in the, in the classroom at

01:05:43.220 the public school. Okay. That is not what I'm talking about here. There's some guidance and

01:05:47.620 there's some structure about what is healthy and sane and rational versus something that they're

01:05:53.420 inspired by. My oldest, when he was younger, he wanted to be a cowboy animal doctor. All right,

01:06:00.960 let's do it. So I called a couple of offices in town, the veterinarians in town. And I said, Hey,

01:06:07.220 my son's really interested in becoming at some point, maybe a veterinarian. And, uh, can we come

01:06:12.160 in and watch what you're doing? He's like, yeah. One guy in particular is like, yeah, come in.

01:06:17.500 So we went in and we watched a cat get its tooth extracted, which was hilarious because they had to

01:06:21.980 give it a pill first. So watching four, and then extracting a tooth. And then we watched, I think

01:06:29.160 another one gets spayed or neutered. And then we, he had a chameleon. And so he was watching the

01:06:34.620 chameleon and there was a few other things. And like, we had a great time. If I asked my son,

01:06:39.840 do you want to be a veterinarian today? The answer would be no, but that wasn't the point. The point

01:06:45.600 was, that was what he was motivated by. So I found a healthy outlet for him to explore that option.

01:06:50.680 And we found out that it just wasn't his thing. All right. Let's find something else.

01:06:54.900 Totally. I like it. The one thing I'd add, and we have this in our, in our leadership

01:07:02.660 development program. Um, we have a, a pillar around motivation and inspiring. And one of the

01:07:09.720 first things that we have in there is, um, are you inspired? Hmm. Are you a motivated person? Do you

01:07:17.900 show up in a way where your kids go, man, dad inspires and motivates me because of how he

01:07:24.840 shows up in the world? And, and, and not to put it back on you, Jason, but like, we got

01:07:30.600 to be careful of that, right? That, that we're showing up in a great way that our kids are

01:07:36.360 inspired by us. And if they're not, and we're dredging along, we're not going to be in a very

01:07:42.280 good position to be able to like, Hey, Timmy, you know, get after it, son. You know, when we're

01:07:46.440 not getting after it and we're not living a masterful life. Yeah. And, and taking pride in how

01:07:53.040 we're showing up in the world, we're really not in a position to help create that for other

01:07:57.720 people. If we, if we're not doing it for ourselves. Yeah. Yeah. Agreed. Cool. Good

01:08:03.240 questions today. Was that all iron council related or did we get into some Facebook stuff

01:08:06.960 there too? Oops. We hopped over into Facebook at one point. So to join us there, go to facebook.com

01:08:12.020 slash group slash order of man. Yeah. Cool. All right. Iron council December 15th. Yep. Go ahead.

01:08:20.020 Sorry. No, that's it. Join us December 15th. Join us. Yeah. Uh, we'd love to see you there

01:08:26.160 again. Number, number one, and maybe number two reason that guys joined number one is

01:08:30.740 brotherhood and maybe number two is accountability. Maybe number three, I don't know, but it's

01:08:34.500 up there on the list. So if you're looking for men to bandwidth and you're looking for

01:08:38.440 some accountability along the way, and you're willing to do it masterfully, uh, you're willing

01:08:43.320 to, uh, be exposed in some way, uh, that's the place to do it. And you're going to grow

01:08:50.100 if you do the work. So we'd love to see their order of man.com slash iron council.

01:08:55.540 And of course you can get your order of man swag at store.orderofman.com. Uh, you'll want

01:09:02.580 to get into orders fairly soon, right? For Christmas delivery. Yeah. We're pretty quick.

01:09:07.540 Of course, hustle on those. Cause we want to make sure we get them to you on time.

01:09:10.720 Excellent. And then connect with Mr. Mickler on Instagram and X at Ryan Mickler.

01:09:19.420 That's right. Cool guys. Thanks for the great questions. Hopefully we gave you some good

01:09:23.340 answers or some things that you want to consider. Uh, we will be back on Friday until then go

01:09:28.760 out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the

01:09:33.280 order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant

01:09:38.300 to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

01:09:42.260 Thank you.

01:09:50.360 Thank you.

Order of Man - November 29, 2023

Make Your Life a Masterpiece, The Value in Failure, and How to Inspire Your Children ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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