Order of Man - Make Yourself a More Dangerous Man ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 And so I understand the concept of fake it till you make it.

00:00:02.880 I understand the concept of imposter syndrome,

00:00:04.820 but I'd also suggest to you, knock it off.

00:00:07.420 I don't want to hear anybody else ever, ever again say,

00:00:10.760 well, I have imposter syndrome.

00:00:12.020 It's not a thing because here's where I'm going to make this distinction.

00:00:15.860 If you're doing the thing, then you are the thing.

00:00:18.860 So you might say to yourself, well, I'm just not a runner.

00:00:21.400 Do you run?

00:00:22.000 Yes.

00:00:22.340 Then you're a runner because what do runners do?

00:00:24.580 They run.

00:00:26.780 Making yourself a more dangerous man is not an option.

00:00:29.380 If anything, I believe it is a necessity for most men.

00:00:33.320 And look, I'm not talking about making yourself into a man who's uncontrolled or volatile

00:00:38.260 or a potential threat to yourself and the people that you care about.

00:00:43.800 I'm talking about a man who knows exactly what he wants.

00:00:46.780 He's precise.

00:00:47.800 He's focused.

00:00:48.720 He has the ability to follow through on his actions.

00:00:52.260 When he says he's going to do something, he gets it done.

00:00:54.940 He can be relied on.

00:00:55.940 He can be trusted.

00:00:57.100 And ultimately, he's an effective man.

00:00:59.360 And I also believe that that is what most of us, I would hope all of us as men want,

00:01:03.880 to be effective, to be precise, to be clear, to be concise, to know what we want out of life,

00:01:10.280 to help other people get what they want out of life, and to ultimately make ourselves as

00:01:15.080 effective as possible.

00:01:16.000 So today, I'm going to talk with you about how you can make yourself a more dangerous man.

00:01:21.160 Again, some of these that I'm sure you've heard of and others might be new to you, and you

00:01:25.980 might even dismiss some of these things.

00:01:27.820 But I encourage you to stick around for a bit, understand what I'm trying to share with

00:01:31.260 you.

00:01:31.560 And if you have thoughts or ideas or disagreements, maybe even, let's converse and talk about

00:01:35.500 that.

00:01:35.740 But I think that these four or five points that I'm going to make with you today have

00:01:39.240 helped me become a more dangerous man by the definition I just shared with you.

00:01:42.940 Let's get right into it.

00:01:44.080 Number one, knowing your target.

00:01:45.780 How many men do you talk with every single day who do not know what they want?

00:01:49.720 They're wishy-washy.

00:01:51.160 They make decisions willy-nilly.

00:01:53.320 They're based on emotion and reaction rather than logic and response.

00:01:59.700 They are tossed to and fro as the doctrine of popular culture tells them to be interested

00:02:05.080 in this story and be engaged in that story and be outraged about this person and cancel

00:02:11.520 that person and boycott this company and do this and do that.

00:02:15.940 That's not a dangerous man.

00:02:17.300 A dangerous man is not void of conviction.

00:02:20.880 And desire and intent and clarity and focus in his life.

00:02:26.100 But have you spent any amount of time in your life thinking about what you want exactly,

00:02:31.080 precisely, or as most of your time spent scrolling on these devices, listening to doom and gloom,

00:02:37.020 watching the TV and telling you what you should be outraged about, following all the local

00:02:42.680 celebrities and celebrity athletes who don't have a clue about the real world that you and

00:02:48.600 most of us engage in and then deciding to be led and dictated by what other people are

00:02:55.140 telling us to do our entire lives.

00:02:57.240 Your mom, your dad, as you get older, your boss, your employer, your politicians, the people

00:03:03.780 that you follow on social media.

00:03:05.620 At what point do you decide, you know what?

00:03:07.840 I'm going to come up with my own goals and I'm going to identify my own desires and I'm

00:03:12.780 going to start thinking about what I want to create for myself and the people I love.

00:03:18.180 I'm telling you what, that is the first step to becoming dangerous is identifying what you

00:03:21.720 want, identifying what you want to look like physically, how you want to feel, what kind

00:03:25.280 of business you want to create, how much money you want to be making, what kind of intimacy

00:03:28.420 you have with your wife, what kind of connections you have with your kids.

00:03:31.320 What kind of man do you want to be in your community?

00:03:34.600 What kind of politics do you want to run?

00:03:36.480 Every aspect of life, you need to start thinking about precisely what you want.

00:03:41.040 The world is going to give you exactly what you ask of it.

00:03:44.560 Probably not on the timeline that you would like, but I've been amazed over 43 years of

00:03:50.920 being on this planet, how often I can experience a result and look back at some point in my life

00:03:57.140 in the not too distant past and realize that the reason I have what I have is a direct result

00:04:02.680 of me deciding that's what I wanted to have years earlier.

00:04:06.860 Are you spending time every single day focused on what you want?

00:04:10.060 Do you have goals?

00:04:10.720 Do you have desires, dreams, ambitions?

00:04:12.500 Do you write them down?

00:04:14.120 Do you journal about them?

00:04:15.200 Do you articulate them?

00:04:16.140 Do you share them?

00:04:16.940 Do you talk about them?

00:04:18.080 Do you read books on how to acquire what it is you want every day without fail?

00:04:22.860 Get up every morning and write a journal.

00:04:24.740 I've got mine right here somewhere right here.

00:04:27.940 It's buried in there for some reason every single day, right?

00:04:31.460 Think about what you want.

00:04:32.340 Bring clarity to your goals and your objectives and your desires.

00:04:35.100 And when you start doing this, I'm not going to say you're going to manifest it into reality.

00:04:38.300 I don't really buy into that.

00:04:40.160 It sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to me, but you know what?

00:04:42.880 When you start writing that stuff down, you're much more likely to do the work required to

00:04:46.280 have the thing that you want.

00:04:47.300 And that is the first step to becoming dangerous.

00:04:49.420 Number two, learning how to communicate well.

00:04:51.520 Now, I've learned this over years of being in sales and marketing and trying to grow this

00:04:56.920 movement, talking with other great communicators.

00:04:59.740 And I've also been around a lot of, I think, really great, honorable men who lack the ability

00:05:06.200 to communicate effectively.

00:05:08.380 They're quiet.

00:05:09.200 They're not sure of themselves.

00:05:11.100 They trip over their words.

00:05:13.100 They don't articulate messages clearly.

00:05:16.200 Maybe they're rambling nonsensically.

00:05:19.140 And I'm not judging these men as men, but your ability to communicate is a tool.

00:05:24.940 If you're a warrior, you have tools, right?

00:05:26.920 If you're going into battle, you're going to have a firearm.

00:05:28.860 If you were going into battle 2000 years ago, you're going to have a sword.

00:05:31.580 If you're going to go into battle in the future, you're going to have whatever futuristic

00:05:34.380 weapons that we have available at our disposal, maybe a robot.

00:05:37.440 But the point that I'm making is that if you want to be dangerous, then you ought to get

00:05:42.020 proficient at all the tools available at your disposal.

00:05:45.320 And the noises that our mouths make because we breathe air through this voice box and

00:05:52.300 over our vocal cords and manipulate our mouths to make these noises is important. 0.98

00:05:58.800 In fact, I think, if anything, your words are the most important thing.

00:06:03.540 We've all heard that the pen is mightier than the sword.

00:06:06.100 That's not exactly the way I'm talking about when it comes to words.

00:06:08.980 But what I am saying is that our ideas and the way that we communicate and articulate ideas

00:06:13.780 is crucial.

00:06:14.680 How many wars have been started where hundreds of thousands, if not millions of men have died

00:06:21.040 over the history of humankind because of noises that our mouths make?

00:06:25.160 If you don't think that the words you're saying aren't important, you're missing a huge component

00:06:29.640 of what it means to be a dangerous man.

00:06:31.460 I can use my words to tear down other people like you would not believe.

00:06:35.300 And that makes me not dangerous by the definition I shared with you.

00:06:38.620 That makes me volatile, makes me scary.

00:06:40.660 It puts barriers between me and the people that I love.

00:06:45.160 But I can also use my words to edify, to uplift, to motivate and inspire, to draw out, to educate,

00:06:52.140 to coach, to teach, to respect, to appreciate, to influence, and ultimately to move people

00:06:58.940 in a direction that I think is going to be in their best interest.

00:07:01.580 And isn't that what we do?

00:07:03.020 Now, some of you might hear that and think, well, that's manipulation.

00:07:05.400 No, it's not.

00:07:06.300 Manipulation, I guess technically it could be, but manipulation to me has a negative context.

00:07:10.700 It's influence.

00:07:11.540 I want my kids to be disciplined.

00:07:14.060 I want my children to make good choices.

00:07:16.740 I want them to work hard.

00:07:18.260 I want the other relationships that I have to thrive.

00:07:20.780 And I want the people that I'm in relationships with to do well.

00:07:24.120 And I want the best for those individuals.

00:07:26.140 And I want you guys who are listening to apply what we're teaching.

00:07:29.520 I want all of that.

00:07:30.660 But in order to have that, I need to be able to use my words effectively to produce the desired outcome.

00:07:35.980 Are you guys in Toastmasters?

00:07:37.420 Are you guys in Rotary or Chamber of Commerce or BNI, Business Network International?

00:07:43.420 Are you looking for opportunities to present and speak?

00:07:46.160 Are you sharing your ideas and concepts, not just verbally, but also on social media,

00:07:49.860 at the risk of people not really agreeing with a lot of what you have to say?

00:07:53.200 I deal with that every day.

00:07:54.040 I can make a comment about anything.

00:07:55.440 And I can find a plethora of people who do not believe in what I'm saying.

00:07:59.680 And yet I still share.

00:08:00.900 Because I realize that in order to affect the change that I have a desire to affect in my life

00:08:05.160 and the lives of the people that I love, I need to take the risk of putting myself out there,

00:08:09.640 learning how to communicate effectively, taking the feedback that comes to me

00:08:13.480 and the way that people respond, and then get better at it.

00:08:16.940 Focus on that every single day.

00:08:18.460 Number three, look the part.

00:08:20.100 Look the part.

00:08:20.720 Too often men overlook the power of looking the part.

00:08:24.280 For whatever reason, modern day, mostly modern day men, I would assume,

00:08:28.440 have this idea that if you care about the way that you look,

00:08:31.060 that you're being vain or trivial or that quote unquote real men don't care about what they look like.

00:08:36.840 That's not true at all.

00:08:37.920 Even the guys who say they don't care about what they look like

00:08:39.980 and they pick clothes based on them wanting to project that they don't care.

00:08:45.220 You do care.

00:08:46.280 Of course you care.

00:08:47.300 And whatever you're wearing right now is a manifestation of what you deeply believe.

00:08:52.860 So if you're wearing a suit, a three-piece suit, and you're dressed to the nines,

00:08:57.700 then the manifestation of who you are is I'm a professional.

00:09:01.340 I'm dignified.

00:09:03.120 I'm elevated.

00:09:04.360 These are things you might believe about yourself.

00:09:06.060 Whether they're true or not, you believe that.

00:09:07.580 You would not wear that suit if you didn't think that was the case.

00:09:10.080 Or at least you want to be looked at as that.

00:09:11.840 If you're wearing tattered, ratty clothing and there's holes and stains all over your clothes,

00:09:17.920 then that's a manifestation of who you are.

00:09:20.040 And who you are in that case is I don't care about my appearance,

00:09:23.500 which translates to other people as I don't care about other things.

00:09:27.440 I don't care about you.

00:09:28.680 I don't care about the sanctity of this environment that I'm in.

00:09:33.100 I don't care about the importance or the gravity in the conversation that we're having.

00:09:38.900 And that's what you're manifesting.

00:09:40.500 That's what you're showing to people.

00:09:41.840 And that's what you believe about yourself.

00:09:43.360 Now, I'm not suggesting that every single man needs to wear a three-piece suit at all times.

00:09:47.580 That's ridiculous because you would look silly in most environments.

00:09:50.700 But I am suggesting that you ought to be more deliberate and intentional about the way you look.

00:09:54.560 That makes you dangerous.

00:09:55.840 I had a situation where this was a long time ago, but my ex said to me,

00:10:01.920 why are you walking like that when I was out in public?

00:10:03.940 And I'm like, what do you mean?

00:10:04.720 Why am I walking?

00:10:05.220 She said, you're walking, your arms are like big and like your shoulders are raised.

00:10:09.840 And you're like, you're walking like a Neanderthal.

00:10:11.740 And I didn't even know that I was doing it.

00:10:13.980 I didn't know I was doing it.

00:10:14.780 I was doing it subconsciously.

00:10:16.000 She wasn't wrong, but that was what I was trying to portray.

00:10:18.780 Don't, don't mess with me.

00:10:20.540 And I've had so many people tell me that like, I, you look like you're pissed in public.

00:10:24.920 It's not that I'm pissed.

00:10:25.800 It's that I just don't want people to mess with me.

00:10:27.660 I don't want them to mess with me.

00:10:28.660 I don't want them to mess with my girlfriend when we're on a date.

00:10:30.680 I don't want them to mess with my kids.

00:10:32.720 Just leave me alone.

00:10:33.480 And so that is the presence that I put out there.

00:10:36.360 And then there's other situations.

00:10:37.620 Maybe it's an event I'm running or I run across somebody who I haven't seen for a while or

00:10:42.000 somebody who listens to the podcast and my demeanor changes and I, my shoulders go down

00:10:47.980 and my body language opens up and I might put a smile on my face or the tone of my, my voice

00:10:53.660 changes because that's a different situation.

00:10:56.020 Now there's a person I actually want to connect with.

00:10:58.400 The way that we present ourselves matters guys.

00:11:00.680 And so take a look right now, just stop, pause this.

00:11:02.600 If you can, if you're in the situation to pause this and just take a look at yourself,

00:11:05.560 if you're mowing the lawn, you're going to be wearing one thing.

00:11:07.420 And I get that.

00:11:08.080 If you're about to run into a business meeting, you might have a suit on depending on your

00:11:12.960 profession, or you might have a polo and some slacks on, or, you know, maybe you have jeans

00:11:17.200 and a t-shirt depending on your profession.

00:11:18.700 I don't know.

00:11:19.220 I'm not judging what you should wear, but I am saying you should be deliberate and intentional

00:11:22.900 about the way that you look.

00:11:24.340 What does your hair say about who you are?

00:11:25.860 If somebody sees you and just your hair, what are they going to surmise from your haircut?

00:11:29.820 When they see your beard or lack thereof, what are they going to gather from that data?

00:11:34.160 When they see the t-shirt that you're wearing or the collared shirt or the button up or the

00:11:37.660 polo, I was at the store today and I saw three men walk in and they all had khaki shorts that

00:11:43.840 were just above their knee.

00:11:44.740 They all had athletic polo shirts on and they all had flip-flops.

00:11:48.380 Those guys are golfers.

00:11:49.600 They're golfers.

00:11:50.720 They either are going golfing or they probably just got done golfing.

00:11:54.300 And now they're getting a drink and going on about their day and enjoying their afternoon.

00:11:58.600 I could be wrong.

00:11:59.520 I actually don't know.

00:12:00.620 I don't think I am.

00:12:01.360 I think I'm right.

00:12:02.360 But the point is, is that we're all making judgments based on what people are wearing

00:12:06.020 and how they look.

00:12:06.900 If I go into another store this afternoon and I see a gentleman walk in and he's got

00:12:10.320 a navy blue suit on that is fitted nice.

00:12:13.960 He's got a white shirt on.

00:12:15.740 He's got a red tie or something powerful.

00:12:18.620 His shoes are shined.

00:12:19.880 He's got his hair done.

00:12:21.500 His facial hair, if he has facial hair at all, is groomed well.

00:12:25.320 And he walks by and he smells pleasant.

00:12:27.240 Okay, that's a professional or a politician.

00:12:29.240 That guy's an attorney.

00:12:30.180 That guy is in local politics.

00:12:34.120 He's a CEO.

00:12:35.100 That's what I naturally think.

00:12:36.320 And people say, well, you know, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

00:12:38.520 That's all cute and fine, but everybody does.

00:12:40.800 So if we know that everybody judges what other people are based on only the data they have

00:12:46.140 available, the way they look, why wouldn't you use that to your advantage?

00:12:49.300 When I walk around in public with RBF, it's because I don't want people to mess with me.

00:12:54.500 That's, I'm doing that on purpose, even subconsciously.

00:12:57.440 When I go out because I just got done at the gym and I, you know, have an athletic shirt

00:13:01.460 on, a pair of shorts and my athletic shoes on, people are going to assume either I'm

00:13:05.080 athletic or just got back from the gym and they would be correct.

00:13:08.200 Look the part.

00:13:09.100 All right.

00:13:09.280 Number four.

00:13:09.780 And I, I don't know that this is, it is, it's more important.

00:13:12.640 I was going to say, I don't know if it is, but it is more important.

00:13:15.280 So if number three is look the part, the way you make yourself more dangerous is you

00:13:18.420 be the part.

00:13:19.060 You be the part.

00:13:19.540 All of us get into this idea of imposter syndrome and fake it till you make it.

00:13:23.560 And I don't feel confident.

00:13:24.780 And I understand, especially when you're getting into something new that you're uncomfortable

00:13:28.340 with.

00:13:28.680 I had a really good conversation today with my youngest son about our comfort zones.

00:13:33.600 He's, he's eight years old and we're having a conversation about comfort zones.

00:13:37.320 I mean, he didn't really understand it initially, but the more that we talked, the more that he

00:13:41.620 understood comfort zone.

00:13:43.400 And I showed him this hand gesture.

00:13:45.280 I said, a comfort zone is operating inside of this little ball right here.

00:13:48.400 And we do that because that's where we're safe.

00:13:50.840 We're safe in this little bubble.

00:13:52.140 He's like, okay, I understand that.

00:13:53.260 And I said, but what's interesting is all the fun stuff happens outside of the bubble,

00:13:57.180 all the learning, all the experiences, all the adventures, all the risk, all the money

00:14:01.440 making, all the love, everything happens outside of the bubble.

00:14:05.440 But too many of us are so scared to step out of this comfort zone to go into all these little

00:14:10.460 unique places where we could actually find real joy, fulfillment, and satisfaction in our

00:14:14.860 life because it's scary.

00:14:16.260 And so I understand the concept of fake it till you make it.

00:14:19.160 I understand the concept of imposter syndrome, but I'd also suggest to you, knock it off.

00:14:23.520 I don't want to hear anybody else ever, ever again say, well, I have imposter syndrome.

00:14:27.900 It's, it's, it's an, it's not a thing because here, here's where I'm going to make this distinction.

00:14:31.940 If you're doing the thing, then you are the thing.

00:14:34.600 So you might say to yourself, well, I'm just not a runner.

00:14:36.500 Do you run?

00:14:37.020 Yes.

00:14:37.360 Then you're a runner because what do runners do?

00:14:39.080 They run.

00:14:39.580 I hear this a lot when it comes to writing.

00:14:41.640 Well, I'm just not a writer.

00:14:42.760 Did you write today?

00:14:43.400 Yes.

00:14:43.760 Then you're a writer because we know that writers at the core of who they are, right?

00:14:48.060 So if you do the thing, you are the thing.

00:14:50.660 If you wrote today, you're a writer.

00:14:52.040 If you ran today, you're a runner.

00:14:53.360 If you lifted today, you're a lifter.

00:14:55.500 If you had a deep connection with, with your wife today, then you are a romantic.

00:15:01.400 If, if you started a business today, even if you just took it just one step further than

00:15:07.160 you had before, then you're a business owner.

00:15:08.800 If you had a difficult conversation, then you're assertive.

00:15:11.380 There's, there's no imposter syndrome.

00:15:12.900 As long as you're not trying to be something you aren't.

00:15:15.800 Now, if I were to say, for example, because I've been running a little bit more, I'm a

00:15:19.320 marathon runner.

00:15:20.440 Well, that's, that's not true because I've never run a marathon.

00:15:23.480 So that would be a lie.

00:15:24.460 That would be deceit.

00:15:25.300 And not only would I be fooling other people, more importantly, I'd be trying to fool myself

00:15:28.680 and you can't.

00:15:29.220 But if I said, I'm a runner, that would be accurate because I actually went out and ran

00:15:33.400 this morning.

00:15:33.880 But the point that I'm making is you have to be the part.

00:15:36.560 You have to be the man that you want to be.

00:15:38.080 If you're a builder, learn what tools you need to use, learn how to connect with general

00:15:42.160 contractors, learn how to connect with subcontractors, learn how to speak Spanish.

00:15:47.640 If, and I know that's common, right?

00:15:49.860 Within construction.

00:15:50.540 And that's maybe a bit of a stereotype, but it's reality, especially around here.

00:15:54.740 Okay.

00:15:54.980 Well, so learn, learn.

00:15:56.500 You can, you can learn things.

00:15:57.960 If you're a teacher, then learn how to communicate with kids better.

00:16:00.900 Learn how to read their body language.

00:16:02.280 If you want to be more intimate with your wife, then learn how to seduce her. 0.93

00:16:07.200 Learn how to flirt.

00:16:08.640 Learn how to treat her romantically.

00:16:11.880 Like learn, be dangerous.

00:16:13.980 Don't sit on the sidelines of life and say, oh man, I would like to do that someday.

00:16:17.780 Do it.

00:16:18.360 What's holding you back?

00:16:19.620 I see this all the time with hunting.

00:16:20.960 I had an opportunity to go on a hunt in the next week, pig hunt down in Texas.

00:16:25.560 And I made a post in some of our groups and I said, hey, you know, I'd like to have you

00:16:29.200 guys come hunt if you're interested in, we had a lot of guys who were interested and

00:16:33.340 I, I think we might've had one of them sign up.

00:16:36.260 And I realized that there's things that like con conflicts with your schedule and challenges

00:16:40.960 with maybe the financial resources to do that.

00:16:43.280 I get that.

00:16:43.800 Those are valid, certainly.

00:16:45.060 But I can't help but wonder how many of those guys have been wanting to hunt forever.

00:16:48.280 They have the schedule.

00:16:49.260 They have the time.

00:16:50.120 They have the financial resources to do it.

00:16:52.240 And just like my eight year old son, I don't do that because I'm scared.

00:16:55.400 They won't vocalize it that way, but it is, it's just fear.

00:16:58.340 Step into the unknown, make yourself better, be brave, be bold, be courageous.

00:17:04.260 That's how you make yourself dangerous.

00:17:05.780 The most dangerous men that you know, and again, I'm using that as a synonym to effective

00:17:11.680 essentially, but the most dangerous people that you know, we're all beginners and novices

00:17:15.940 at one point in the thing that you actually consider them an expert in right now.

00:17:19.440 The only difference is they had the balls to go actually be a novice, to get made fun of,

00:17:24.280 to get beat up literally and figuratively, and to gradually over time, improve and make

00:17:29.600 themselves into the men that we admire today.

00:17:32.620 All right.

00:17:32.840 And the last point right here is build humble conviction.

00:17:36.240 Build humble conviction.

00:17:37.880 Let's start with conviction first.

00:17:39.760 There are way too many men who are willing to negotiate with their beliefs just because

00:17:44.520 other people don't like what they have to say.

00:17:46.120 I see it all the time.

00:17:46.980 They won't proclaim their love of the gospel or Christ because what if somebody gets offended?

00:17:51.440 They won't say something polarizing because heaven forbid somebody doesn't agree with

00:17:56.040 them.

00:17:56.320 They won't speak up at the conference because they don't want to make people feel bad.

00:18:02.080 They won't do just about anything because they're so worried about what other people

00:18:07.820 will think of them and their conviction is lacking.

00:18:10.540 Do you believe what you're saying or do you not?

00:18:13.120 If you're, if you don't believe it, don't say it.

00:18:14.920 But if you truly believe something, be bold, stand by it, believe it, share it, vocalize

00:18:20.840 it, scream it from the mountaintops.

00:18:22.440 If you have to work towards it, become more effective at it, enlist other people in it.

00:18:26.440 I get criticized every single day for what we do here.

00:18:29.400 And you know how much that criticism deters me?

00:18:31.920 None, not a, not an ounce of determined.

00:18:33.940 You know, in fact, if anything, it is fuel because I believe so much in what we're doing.

00:18:39.100 I'm convicted.

00:18:40.000 You cannot convince me that what we're doing here is not the best course of action for

00:18:44.700 men.

00:18:45.060 And you cannot convince me that we aren't the best resource for men.

00:18:49.140 That's not a thing that's going to happen because I believe so much in what we're doing.

00:18:53.060 Now that said, there's a danger.

00:18:55.120 And this is one that I often fall into.

00:18:56.640 And that's why I didn't say just have conviction.

00:18:58.620 I said, build humble conviction.

00:19:01.240 It's okay to have conviction, but also exhibit humility in your conviction.

00:19:05.660 And again, I'm only saying this because this is something I struggle with.

00:19:08.520 So I'm trying to give you a disclaimer and trying to be honest with you and, and humble

00:19:12.060 as I do this.

00:19:12.900 I have a, I have a problem with this.

00:19:14.420 I'm so convicted in what we're doing here and in a lot of my beliefs that I come across

00:19:20.000 at times as arrogant, uh, black and white thinking all or nothing thinking.

00:19:24.280 These are things I'm aware of and things that I'm working on.

00:19:26.780 And what is in many ways, a great strength of mine can also be a great weakness.

00:19:31.340 And that's why it's important for a guy like me and for you, if you're in the same boat

00:19:34.980 to exercise some humility that I can have conviction and be convicted in what I believe,

00:19:40.240 but I can also be humble enough to realize that there's exceptions to what I'm saying,

00:19:45.460 or there's nuance to what takes place, or there's fears and cultural programming that

00:19:54.000 I need to be aware of when a man comes into this organization and might believe what we're

00:19:58.980 saying, but doesn't really quite fully believe it just yet because of his past experiences.

00:20:03.780 And that's a person that I can be humble with and I, and I can work on that.

00:20:07.240 It's a person that I can be empathetic towards.

00:20:09.500 That's a person who I can listen to the nuance of what they're saying.

00:20:13.560 And to go back to point number two, communicating, well, tailor my words and my delivery in order

00:20:20.540 to reach that person in an effective way.

00:20:22.940 If I just double down on my attitude for some guys, that really works.

00:20:26.340 There's a lot of hard chargers who don't put up with bull crap, no nonsense, get to the

00:20:31.220 bottom line, brass tacks type people who I could say with as few words as possible, exactly

00:20:35.720 what needs to be said.

00:20:36.620 And they're like, got it on it.

00:20:37.860 And there's other guys who aren't like that.

00:20:39.840 Maybe they believe in the mission, but they're concerned based on their upbringing or things

00:20:45.400 they've heard, or they're afraid, or they're nervous.

00:20:48.480 And I don't think that's bad necessarily.

00:20:50.820 I think it's something that we should work on overcoming those fears and that doubt and

00:20:55.380 hesitation.

00:20:55.880 We should definitely work on that as men.

00:20:57.700 But those types of individuals, I can still be convicted in my beliefs, but be gracious enough

00:21:03.460 to understand where they are.

00:21:04.920 I think about this with my kids.

00:21:06.620 If I come down and I just verbally just beat up on my kids all the time, every day, all

00:21:11.140 day, they're going to be done with me.

00:21:13.360 Now, physically, maybe not because they're my kids.

00:21:16.160 They have to be here with me, but emotionally and mentally they're tapped.

00:21:19.740 They're checked out.

00:21:20.520 I don't, I don't want that.

00:21:21.560 So I can be convicted, but I can also cater my delivery in a way that lands for them.

00:21:25.720 That's important to me.

00:21:26.600 And that's what makes me dangerous.

00:21:27.860 You hear this all the time, especially online.

00:21:30.060 Zero else.

00:21:30.400 I don't care what anybody else, anybody else thinks this is me.

00:21:32.800 That's their problem.

00:21:33.540 I mean, I appreciate, I appreciate your level of confidence, but you're not going to win

00:21:37.840 anybody over with that attitude.

00:21:39.320 You're going to win over the people you would have won over anyways, but the rest of the

00:21:42.220 people are going to be completely turned off and tuned out of anything that you might

00:21:46.160 have to say.

00:21:46.880 So drop it.

00:21:48.180 I don't care what anybody else thinks of me.

00:21:50.720 What a silly thing to say.

00:21:52.300 Of course I care.

00:21:53.340 Of course I care what other people think of me.

00:21:56.580 And that's completely appropriate.

00:21:58.240 Now there are some people I don't care and that's appropriate too, but of course I care

00:22:02.060 what my kids think of me.

00:22:03.100 How could I lead them if they don't think highly of me?

00:22:05.180 Of course I care what my girlfriend thinks of me. 0.54

00:22:07.120 How can I be in a relationship with her if she thinks poorly of me?

00:22:10.060 Of course I care what you guys think of me and how can I lead and instruct and guide

00:22:13.780 and coach and band with you if you thought I was full of crap?

00:22:17.100 Of course I care what people think of me.

00:22:19.440 That's not the issue.

00:22:20.420 The issue is, do I care about what the right people think of me?

00:22:24.280 And that's up for you to decide based on your goals and objectives, dreams, and desires.

00:22:27.800 But man, when you start getting these five things in alignment and you start figuring

00:22:31.760 out how to dress well, how to look the part, how to be the part, knowing you're tired, communicating

00:22:36.080 well, building that humble conviction, people will look at you and they'll say, you know

00:22:41.020 what?

00:22:41.580 Even if they don't vocalize it inside, they'll say, you know what?

00:22:43.980 There's something about Steve.

00:22:45.360 You know what?

00:22:45.720 I can't quite put my finger on it, but Bob, man, he has that X factor.

00:22:49.460 Or Bill, man, I don't know why, but I always like talking with Bill or I feel good when

00:22:53.340 I talk with that guy or there's something special about him.

00:22:55.860 We all say it and we all know who those people are in our lives.

00:22:58.580 It could be your dad.

00:22:59.400 It could be a brother.

00:23:00.640 Maybe it's a friend.

00:23:01.420 Maybe it's a client.

00:23:02.680 Maybe it's somebody you follow on social media and you're like, what is it about that guy?

00:23:05.700 That's a dangerous man.

00:23:06.780 That's an effective man.

00:23:08.080 That's what you're picking up on.

00:23:09.320 It's not an X factor.

00:23:10.540 X represents variable, meaning we don't understand what the number is.

00:23:14.120 No, we do.

00:23:14.960 It's an equation.

00:23:15.840 This is the equation.

00:23:16.940 Knowing your targets, knowing exactly what you want and being willing to work for it.

00:23:20.520 Number two, communicating, articulating, casting vision well so that other people know who you

00:23:26.800 are and want to be led by you.

00:23:28.480 Number three, look the part.

00:23:30.200 Not always a three-piece suit, but being intentional and deliberate about what we're wearing in

00:23:33.940 order to communicate exactly what we want to communicate to other people.

00:23:36.920 Number four, being the part.

00:23:39.000 Going out, getting knowledge, getting experience, getting training, and becoming a master of your

00:23:43.720 craft.

00:23:44.120 I don't care if you build homes like I was talking about earlier, or you paint beautiful

00:23:49.040 paintings, or you take pictures, or you make beautiful food, or you are an incredible author,

00:23:56.240 fiction or nonfiction, or you're an athlete, an endurance athlete, a CrossFitter.

00:24:01.160 I don't care.

00:24:01.660 I don't care what your thing is, but whatever your thing is, you damn well better be a master

00:24:05.900 at it.

00:24:06.280 Number five, building humble conviction.

00:24:09.640 Humility alone is not enough.

00:24:11.900 Conviction alone, I don't think is enough.

00:24:14.700 On that scale, I tend to move more towards conviction than humility.

00:24:17.720 We need to have a good symbiotic relationship between our level of humility and our conviction.

00:24:25.200 If you can get those five things right, I'm telling you, gentlemen, people will start to

00:24:27.980 look at you and say, that guy has it.

00:24:30.020 I don't know what it is, but that guy has it.

00:24:31.840 And that's what we want people to say about us, because it means that we can then influence

00:24:36.400 them in positive ways.

00:24:38.180 It's not about manipulating, controlling, coercing, none of that.

00:24:41.480 Influencing them to do good things in their benefit, because we are in their lives.

00:24:46.200 Anyways, that's it, guys.

00:24:47.480 Make yourself a more dangerous man.

00:24:49.020 If you want to learn more about how to make yourself into a more dangerous man, the Iron

00:24:53.560 Council is open right now.

00:24:55.740 We're having conversations about communication.

00:24:57.780 We're having conversations about leadership.

00:24:59.660 We're having conversations about setting objectives and goals and vision for your life.

00:25:04.300 We're having conversations about looking well.

00:25:06.720 We're having conversations about developing skills and trades based on what you're interested

00:25:10.900 in.

00:25:11.560 And so these are the types of conversations that are happening inside of our exclusive

00:25:15.120 brotherhood, the Iron Council.

00:25:16.360 Head to orderofman.com slash Iron Council.

00:25:20.400 We're only open for another three or four days.

00:25:23.020 Orderofman.com slash Iron Council.

00:25:25.140 All right, you guys.

00:25:25.760 We'll be back next week.

00:25:26.520 Until then, go out there, take action.

00:25:28.400 Make yourself a more dangerous man.

00:25:29.920 And become the man you are meant to be.

00:25:36.940 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:25:39.920 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:25:43.620 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - March 28, 2025

Make Yourself a More Dangerous Man ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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