Make Yourself a More Dangerous Man ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
Episode Stats
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216.51004
Summary
How to become a more dangerous man: 5 Steps to becoming a better man. 1. Identify your target. 2. Know what you want. 3. Be clear in your intentions. 4. Know your targets. 5. Know where you want to be. A dangerous man is not void of conviction and desire.
Transcript
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And so I understand the concept of fake it till you make it.
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I don't want to hear anybody else ever, ever again say,
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It's not a thing because here's where I'm going to make this distinction.
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If you're doing the thing, then you are the thing.
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So you might say to yourself, well, I'm just not a runner.
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Then you're a runner because what do runners do?
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Making yourself a more dangerous man is not an option.
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If anything, I believe it is a necessity for most men.
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And look, I'm not talking about making yourself into a man who's uncontrolled or volatile
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or a potential threat to yourself and the people that you care about.
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I'm talking about a man who knows exactly what he wants.
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He has the ability to follow through on his actions.
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When he says he's going to do something, he gets it done.
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And I also believe that that is what most of us, I would hope all of us as men want,
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to be effective, to be precise, to be clear, to be concise, to know what we want out of life,
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to help other people get what they want out of life, and to ultimately make ourselves as
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So today, I'm going to talk with you about how you can make yourself a more dangerous man.
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Again, some of these that I'm sure you've heard of and others might be new to you, and you
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But I encourage you to stick around for a bit, understand what I'm trying to share with
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And if you have thoughts or ideas or disagreements, maybe even, let's converse and talk about
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But I think that these four or five points that I'm going to make with you today have
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helped me become a more dangerous man by the definition I just shared with you.
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How many men do you talk with every single day who do not know what they want?
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They're based on emotion and reaction rather than logic and response.
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They are tossed to and fro as the doctrine of popular culture tells them to be interested
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in this story and be engaged in that story and be outraged about this person and cancel
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that person and boycott this company and do this and do that.
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And desire and intent and clarity and focus in his life.
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But have you spent any amount of time in your life thinking about what you want exactly,
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precisely, or as most of your time spent scrolling on these devices, listening to doom and gloom,
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watching the TV and telling you what you should be outraged about, following all the local
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celebrities and celebrity athletes who don't have a clue about the real world that you and
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most of us engage in and then deciding to be led and dictated by what other people are
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Your mom, your dad, as you get older, your boss, your employer, your politicians, the people
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I'm going to come up with my own goals and I'm going to identify my own desires and I'm
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going to start thinking about what I want to create for myself and the people I love.
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I'm telling you what, that is the first step to becoming dangerous is identifying what you
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want, identifying what you want to look like physically, how you want to feel, what kind
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of business you want to create, how much money you want to be making, what kind of intimacy
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you have with your wife, what kind of connections you have with your kids.
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What kind of man do you want to be in your community?
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Every aspect of life, you need to start thinking about precisely what you want.
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The world is going to give you exactly what you ask of it.
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Probably not on the timeline that you would like, but I've been amazed over 43 years of
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being on this planet, how often I can experience a result and look back at some point in my life
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in the not too distant past and realize that the reason I have what I have is a direct result
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of me deciding that's what I wanted to have years earlier.
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Are you spending time every single day focused on what you want?
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Do you read books on how to acquire what it is you want every day without fail?
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It's buried in there for some reason every single day, right?
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Bring clarity to your goals and your objectives and your desires.
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And when you start doing this, I'm not going to say you're going to manifest it into reality.
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It sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to me, but you know what?
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When you start writing that stuff down, you're much more likely to do the work required to
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And that is the first step to becoming dangerous.
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Now, I've learned this over years of being in sales and marketing and trying to grow this
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movement, talking with other great communicators.
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And I've also been around a lot of, I think, really great, honorable men who lack the ability
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And I'm not judging these men as men, but your ability to communicate is a tool.
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If you're going into battle, you're going to have a firearm.
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If you were going into battle 2000 years ago, you're going to have a sword.
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If you're going to go into battle in the future, you're going to have whatever futuristic
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weapons that we have available at our disposal, maybe a robot.
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But the point that I'm making is that if you want to be dangerous, then you ought to get
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proficient at all the tools available at your disposal.
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And the noises that our mouths make because we breathe air through this voice box and
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over our vocal cords and manipulate our mouths to make these noises is important.
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In fact, I think, if anything, your words are the most important thing.
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We've all heard that the pen is mightier than the sword.
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That's not exactly the way I'm talking about when it comes to words.
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But what I am saying is that our ideas and the way that we communicate and articulate ideas
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How many wars have been started where hundreds of thousands, if not millions of men have died
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over the history of humankind because of noises that our mouths make?
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If you don't think that the words you're saying aren't important, you're missing a huge component
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I can use my words to tear down other people like you would not believe.
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And that makes me not dangerous by the definition I shared with you.
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It puts barriers between me and the people that I love.
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But I can also use my words to edify, to uplift, to motivate and inspire, to draw out, to educate,
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to coach, to teach, to respect, to appreciate, to influence, and ultimately to move people
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in a direction that I think is going to be in their best interest.
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Now, some of you might hear that and think, well, that's manipulation.
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Manipulation, I guess technically it could be, but manipulation to me has a negative context.
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I want the other relationships that I have to thrive.
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And I want the people that I'm in relationships with to do well.
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And I want you guys who are listening to apply what we're teaching.
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But in order to have that, I need to be able to use my words effectively to produce the desired outcome.
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Are you guys in Rotary or Chamber of Commerce or BNI, Business Network International?
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Are you looking for opportunities to present and speak?
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Are you sharing your ideas and concepts, not just verbally, but also on social media,
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at the risk of people not really agreeing with a lot of what you have to say?
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And I can find a plethora of people who do not believe in what I'm saying.
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Because I realize that in order to affect the change that I have a desire to affect in my life
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and the lives of the people that I love, I need to take the risk of putting myself out there,
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learning how to communicate effectively, taking the feedback that comes to me
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and the way that people respond, and then get better at it.
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Too often men overlook the power of looking the part.
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For whatever reason, modern day, mostly modern day men, I would assume,
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have this idea that if you care about the way that you look,
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that you're being vain or trivial or that quote unquote real men don't care about what they look like.
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Even the guys who say they don't care about what they look like
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and they pick clothes based on them wanting to project that they don't care.
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And whatever you're wearing right now is a manifestation of what you deeply believe.
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So if you're wearing a suit, a three-piece suit, and you're dressed to the nines,
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then the manifestation of who you are is I'm a professional.
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These are things you might believe about yourself.
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You would not wear that suit if you didn't think that was the case.
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If you're wearing tattered, ratty clothing and there's holes and stains all over your clothes,
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And who you are in that case is I don't care about my appearance,
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which translates to other people as I don't care about other things.
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I don't care about the sanctity of this environment that I'm in.
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I don't care about the importance or the gravity in the conversation that we're having.
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Now, I'm not suggesting that every single man needs to wear a three-piece suit at all times.
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That's ridiculous because you would look silly in most environments.
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But I am suggesting that you ought to be more deliberate and intentional about the way you look.
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I had a situation where this was a long time ago, but my ex said to me,
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why are you walking like that when I was out in public?
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She said, you're walking, your arms are like big and like your shoulders are raised.
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And you're like, you're walking like a Neanderthal.
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She wasn't wrong, but that was what I was trying to portray.
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And I've had so many people tell me that like, I, you look like you're pissed in public.
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It's that I just don't want people to mess with me.
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I don't want them to mess with my girlfriend when we're on a date.
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And so that is the presence that I put out there.
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Maybe it's an event I'm running or I run across somebody who I haven't seen for a while or
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somebody who listens to the podcast and my demeanor changes and I, my shoulders go down
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and my body language opens up and I might put a smile on my face or the tone of my, my voice
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Now there's a person I actually want to connect with.
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The way that we present ourselves matters guys.
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And so take a look right now, just stop, pause this.
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If you can, if you're in the situation to pause this and just take a look at yourself,
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if you're mowing the lawn, you're going to be wearing one thing.
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If you're about to run into a business meeting, you might have a suit on depending on your
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profession, or you might have a polo and some slacks on, or, you know, maybe you have jeans
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I'm not judging what you should wear, but I am saying you should be deliberate and intentional
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If somebody sees you and just your hair, what are they going to surmise from your haircut?
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When they see your beard or lack thereof, what are they going to gather from that data?
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When they see the t-shirt that you're wearing or the collared shirt or the button up or the
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polo, I was at the store today and I saw three men walk in and they all had khaki shorts that
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They all had athletic polo shirts on and they all had flip-flops.
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They either are going golfing or they probably just got done golfing.
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And now they're getting a drink and going on about their day and enjoying their afternoon.
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But the point is, is that we're all making judgments based on what people are wearing
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If I go into another store this afternoon and I see a gentleman walk in and he's got
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His facial hair, if he has facial hair at all, is groomed well.
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And people say, well, you know, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover.
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So if we know that everybody judges what other people are based on only the data they have
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available, the way they look, why wouldn't you use that to your advantage?
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When I walk around in public with RBF, it's because I don't want people to mess with me.
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That's, I'm doing that on purpose, even subconsciously.
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When I go out because I just got done at the gym and I, you know, have an athletic shirt
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on, a pair of shorts and my athletic shoes on, people are going to assume either I'm
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athletic or just got back from the gym and they would be correct.
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And I, I don't know that this is, it is, it's more important.
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I was going to say, I don't know if it is, but it is more important.
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So if number three is look the part, the way you make yourself more dangerous is you
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All of us get into this idea of imposter syndrome and fake it till you make it.
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And I understand, especially when you're getting into something new that you're uncomfortable
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I had a really good conversation today with my youngest son about our comfort zones.
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He's, he's eight years old and we're having a conversation about comfort zones.
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I mean, he didn't really understand it initially, but the more that we talked, the more that he
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I said, a comfort zone is operating inside of this little ball right here.
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And we do that because that's where we're safe.
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And I said, but what's interesting is all the fun stuff happens outside of the bubble,
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all the learning, all the experiences, all the adventures, all the risk, all the money
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making, all the love, everything happens outside of the bubble.
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But too many of us are so scared to step out of this comfort zone to go into all these little
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unique places where we could actually find real joy, fulfillment, and satisfaction in our
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And so I understand the concept of fake it till you make it.
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I understand the concept of imposter syndrome, but I'd also suggest to you, knock it off.
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I don't want to hear anybody else ever, ever again say, well, I have imposter syndrome.
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It's, it's, it's an, it's not a thing because here, here's where I'm going to make this distinction.
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If you're doing the thing, then you are the thing.
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So you might say to yourself, well, I'm just not a runner.
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Then you're a runner because what do runners do?
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Then you're a writer because we know that writers at the core of who they are, right?
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If you had a deep connection with, with your wife today, then you are a romantic.
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If, if you started a business today, even if you just took it just one step further than
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If you had a difficult conversation, then you're assertive.
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As long as you're not trying to be something you aren't.
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Now, if I were to say, for example, because I've been running a little bit more, I'm a
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Well, that's, that's not true because I've never run a marathon.
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And not only would I be fooling other people, more importantly, I'd be trying to fool myself
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But if I said, I'm a runner, that would be accurate because I actually went out and ran
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But the point that I'm making is you have to be the part.
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If you're a builder, learn what tools you need to use, learn how to connect with general
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contractors, learn how to connect with subcontractors, learn how to speak Spanish.
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And that's maybe a bit of a stereotype, but it's reality, especially around here.
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If you're a teacher, then learn how to communicate with kids better.
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If you want to be more intimate with your wife, then learn how to seduce her.
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Don't sit on the sidelines of life and say, oh man, I would like to do that someday.
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I had an opportunity to go on a hunt in the next week, pig hunt down in Texas.
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And I made a post in some of our groups and I said, hey, you know, I'd like to have you
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guys come hunt if you're interested in, we had a lot of guys who were interested and
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I, I think we might've had one of them sign up.
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And I realized that there's things that like con conflicts with your schedule and challenges
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But I can't help but wonder how many of those guys have been wanting to hunt forever.
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And just like my eight year old son, I don't do that because I'm scared.
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They won't vocalize it that way, but it is, it's just fear.
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Step into the unknown, make yourself better, be brave, be bold, be courageous.
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The most dangerous men that you know, and again, I'm using that as a synonym to effective
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essentially, but the most dangerous people that you know, we're all beginners and novices
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at one point in the thing that you actually consider them an expert in right now.
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The only difference is they had the balls to go actually be a novice, to get made fun of,
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to get beat up literally and figuratively, and to gradually over time, improve and make
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And the last point right here is build humble conviction.
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There are way too many men who are willing to negotiate with their beliefs just because
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They won't proclaim their love of the gospel or Christ because what if somebody gets offended?
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They won't say something polarizing because heaven forbid somebody doesn't agree with
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They won't speak up at the conference because they don't want to make people feel bad.
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They won't do just about anything because they're so worried about what other people
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will think of them and their conviction is lacking.
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Do you believe what you're saying or do you not?
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If you're, if you don't believe it, don't say it.
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But if you truly believe something, be bold, stand by it, believe it, share it, vocalize
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If you have to work towards it, become more effective at it, enlist other people in it.
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I get criticized every single day for what we do here.
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And you know how much that criticism deters me?
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You know, in fact, if anything, it is fuel because I believe so much in what we're doing.
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You cannot convince me that what we're doing here is not the best course of action for
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And you cannot convince me that we aren't the best resource for men.
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That's not a thing that's going to happen because I believe so much in what we're doing.
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And that's why I didn't say just have conviction.
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It's okay to have conviction, but also exhibit humility in your conviction.
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And again, I'm only saying this because this is something I struggle with.
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So I'm trying to give you a disclaimer and trying to be honest with you and, and humble
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I'm so convicted in what we're doing here and in a lot of my beliefs that I come across
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at times as arrogant, uh, black and white thinking all or nothing thinking.
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These are things I'm aware of and things that I'm working on.
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And what is in many ways, a great strength of mine can also be a great weakness.
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And that's why it's important for a guy like me and for you, if you're in the same boat
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to exercise some humility that I can have conviction and be convicted in what I believe,
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but I can also be humble enough to realize that there's exceptions to what I'm saying,
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or there's nuance to what takes place, or there's fears and cultural programming that
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I need to be aware of when a man comes into this organization and might believe what we're
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saying, but doesn't really quite fully believe it just yet because of his past experiences.
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And that's a person that I can be humble with and I, and I can work on that.
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It's a person that I can be empathetic towards.
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That's a person who I can listen to the nuance of what they're saying.
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And to go back to point number two, communicating, well, tailor my words and my delivery in order
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If I just double down on my attitude for some guys, that really works.
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There's a lot of hard chargers who don't put up with bull crap, no nonsense, get to the
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bottom line, brass tacks type people who I could say with as few words as possible, exactly
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Maybe they believe in the mission, but they're concerned based on their upbringing or things
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they've heard, or they're afraid, or they're nervous.
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I think it's something that we should work on overcoming those fears and that doubt and
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But those types of individuals, I can still be convicted in my beliefs, but be gracious enough
00:21:06.620
If I come down and I just verbally just beat up on my kids all the time, every day, all
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Now, physically, maybe not because they're my kids.
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They have to be here with me, but emotionally and mentally they're tapped.
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So I can be convicted, but I can also cater my delivery in a way that lands for them.
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I don't care what anybody else, anybody else thinks this is me.
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I mean, I appreciate, I appreciate your level of confidence, but you're not going to win
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You're going to win over the people you would have won over anyways, but the rest of the
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people are going to be completely turned off and tuned out of anything that you might
00:21:53.340
Of course I care what other people think of me.
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Now there are some people I don't care and that's appropriate too, but of course I care
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How could I lead them if they don't think highly of me?
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Of course I care what my girlfriend thinks of me.
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How can I be in a relationship with her if she thinks poorly of me?
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Of course I care what you guys think of me and how can I lead and instruct and guide
00:22:13.780
and coach and band with you if you thought I was full of crap?
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The issue is, do I care about what the right people think of me?
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And that's up for you to decide based on your goals and objectives, dreams, and desires.
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But man, when you start getting these five things in alignment and you start figuring
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out how to dress well, how to look the part, how to be the part, knowing you're tired, communicating
00:22:36.080
well, building that humble conviction, people will look at you and they'll say, you know
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Even if they don't vocalize it inside, they'll say, you know what?
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I can't quite put my finger on it, but Bob, man, he has that X factor.
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Or Bill, man, I don't know why, but I always like talking with Bill or I feel good when
00:22:53.340
I talk with that guy or there's something special about him.
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We all say it and we all know who those people are in our lives.
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Maybe it's somebody you follow on social media and you're like, what is it about that guy?
00:23:10.540
X represents variable, meaning we don't understand what the number is.
00:23:16.940
Knowing your targets, knowing exactly what you want and being willing to work for it.
00:23:20.520
Number two, communicating, articulating, casting vision well so that other people know who you
00:23:30.200
Not always a three-piece suit, but being intentional and deliberate about what we're wearing in
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order to communicate exactly what we want to communicate to other people.
00:23:39.000
Going out, getting knowledge, getting experience, getting training, and becoming a master of your
00:23:44.120
I don't care if you build homes like I was talking about earlier, or you paint beautiful
00:23:49.040
paintings, or you take pictures, or you make beautiful food, or you are an incredible author,
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fiction or nonfiction, or you're an athlete, an endurance athlete, a CrossFitter.
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I don't care what your thing is, but whatever your thing is, you damn well better be a master
00:24:14.700
On that scale, I tend to move more towards conviction than humility.
00:24:17.720
We need to have a good symbiotic relationship between our level of humility and our conviction.
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If you can get those five things right, I'm telling you, gentlemen, people will start to
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And that's what we want people to say about us, because it means that we can then influence
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It's not about manipulating, controlling, coercing, none of that.
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Influencing them to do good things in their benefit, because we are in their lives.
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If you want to learn more about how to make yourself into a more dangerous man, the Iron
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We're having conversations about communication.
00:24:59.660
We're having conversations about setting objectives and goals and vision for your life.
00:25:06.720
We're having conversations about developing skills and trades based on what you're interested
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And so these are the types of conversations that are happening inside of our exclusive
00:25:20.400
We're only open for another three or four days.
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Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
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You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
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We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.