Order of Man - Making Amends for Past Wrongdoings, Should You Care What People Think of You, and the Importance of Friends

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.520 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.100 Kip, what's going on, man? Glad to have you back on the Ask Me Anything.

00:00:28.300 Number nine.

00:00:30.900 No.

00:00:32.080 Yeah.

00:00:32.520 Is it really?

00:00:33.420 Yeah.

00:00:34.040 Are you in a better mood today? You were not in a good mood last week.

00:00:37.520 Neither was I, man. We had a rough one last week.

00:00:39.980 And it wasn't my fault. I had nothing to do with it, and it was all my children's fault for making poor mistakes.

00:00:46.320 Those dang kids, man.

00:00:48.540 Did you get things worked out?

00:00:51.300 We have a game plan. How's that?

00:00:52.800 We have a strategy.

00:00:54.440 Yeah.

00:00:54.760 That's a good point.

00:00:55.400 I mean, with what it actually was that you were talking about, it's not like, oh, seven days.

00:01:00.640 It's all done. Everything's taken care of, and everybody's set now.

00:01:04.620 Yeah. Yeah.

00:01:05.740 No, the wife and I are on the same page.

00:01:08.340 We have strategy.

00:01:09.640 We have a game plan, and we're proceeding forward.

00:01:12.820 Right on. Right on.

00:01:14.400 Well, guys, if you listen to this, you know me and Kip were both a little down last week, but both of us, it sounds like, are feeling better and on the right track.

00:01:21.820 So, this is our Ask Me Anything. So, we're fielding these questions from you guys, from our Patreon account, orderofman.com.

00:01:29.580 Excuse me, Patreon. P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com slash orderofman.

00:01:35.380 Our Iron Council, which is our exclusive brotherhood.

00:01:39.200 Four hundred and over fifty members now, which is amazing.

00:01:43.540 Dude. Yeah.

00:01:44.280 And then also our Facebook group, facebook.com slash groups slash orderofman. So, we're pulling these questions from a lot of different places, but I think we've got some good ones. These are some leftovers that we didn't get to from last week, I believe. Is that right?

00:01:58.560 That's correct. That's correct. I mean, we covered most of the guys on the Iron Council. They get priority, and I think we've moved into the Facebook group.

00:02:06.920 And Patreon. Don't forget our Patreon members.

00:02:09.180 Yep.

00:02:09.560 Bubba, Sam, Tony, and my mom.

00:02:11.840 Bless them. All right. Let's go, man. Let's get right into this. Let's get through as many questions as we can today.

00:02:19.460 Sounds good. So, our first question is from Duffy Miller.

00:02:22.960 How do you move on from a mistake when making amends isn't possible from the other person's point of view?

00:02:29.380 Well, that's tough. I mean, it really is because then you get into guilty conscience, right?

00:02:33.660 Because you're not able to make amends the way that you would see fit.

00:02:36.800 But unfortunately, you're not the only one that has a say in the matter.

00:02:39.620 And that other individual gets to decide if they will allow you to make amends, if they'll allow you to apologize or give their forgiveness.

00:02:48.240 And ultimately, we can't control other people.

00:02:50.000 So, what I would say is that you do the best that you can do with what they're allowing you to do, if at all possible.

00:02:57.780 Because I believe that a huge, huge component of – and maybe this is more of my faith when it comes to the quote-unquote repentance process.

00:03:06.900 But I also think it comes into play when we're talking about making amends for some wrongdoings is fixing it with another individual.

00:03:14.180 So, do the best that you can.

00:03:16.520 And then I think, Kip, you and I have addressed this in the past is learn, learn, learn from your mistake.

00:03:23.640 Don't make the mistake again.

00:03:25.600 Use it as unfortunate and potentially tragic as it was.

00:03:29.620 Use it as an opportunity to grow, to learn, to become better than you were before.

00:03:35.460 And do what you can do.

00:03:36.620 And ultimately, you've just got to let the chips fall where they may.

00:03:39.400 It's tough, man, because you can't force another person to allow you to fix or rectify the situation.

00:03:46.980 Yeah.

00:03:47.140 And sometimes it's time, right?

00:03:49.100 We think that amends is I apologize.

00:03:51.660 I try to correct it.

00:03:53.180 Well, then now there's trust, right?

00:03:55.540 There's reestablishing trust in relationship.

00:03:58.220 And unfortunately, that takes a long time.

00:04:00.160 Sometimes that amends may not happen for years because, you know, we may have gotten ourselves into a mistake that took, you know, 20 years of destroying a relationship.

00:04:10.760 And then we expect to like, okay, I've changed.

00:04:13.080 What's to have amends?

00:04:14.420 Right.

00:04:14.620 Well, you know what?

00:04:15.260 That takes time.

00:04:16.380 I say that all the time to my wife.

00:04:17.600 Like my wife and I would get into a little argument or whatever it may be.

00:04:21.260 And even just yesterday, I kind of snapped at her a little bit when I got back from my son's football practice.

00:04:27.300 And it was rude.

00:04:28.740 What I said was rude.

00:04:30.340 Jerk.

00:04:30.920 Yeah, totally.

00:04:31.880 I don't even remember what I said, but I know it was rude and it made her feel bad.

00:04:35.380 And so I apologized.

00:04:36.780 So I said, I'm sorry.

00:04:38.000 I caught it quick, man.

00:04:39.560 And I said, you know what?

00:04:40.360 I'm sorry.

00:04:40.720 I shouldn't have done that.

00:04:41.420 I just a little frustrated from something that happened in practice.

00:04:44.560 And she's like, okay, thanks.

00:04:46.400 And she was pissed after I had said sorry.

00:04:50.260 And I'm like, what's your problem?

00:04:51.680 I said, sorry.

00:04:53.940 And we just like, we have this tendency to believe that just because we say sorry, that somehow whoever we've,

00:04:59.600 we've wronged is just supposed to get over it.

00:05:01.820 Right?

00:05:02.340 So.

00:05:03.380 Totally.

00:05:03.620 Oh, my son last night, you know, right before bed, he goes, hey, dad, I just want to say,

00:05:08.860 I'm really sorry about everything and for kind of ruining that trust with you and mom.

00:05:14.480 And, and I said, you know, I appreciate that, but also realize it's going to take some time for us

00:05:19.340 to get that trust back.

00:05:20.280 So you're going to have to prove it, right?

00:05:22.120 Saying sorry is not enough.

00:05:23.260 We've heard that before.

00:05:24.280 And everyone's heard that before.

00:05:25.640 Oh, I'm sorry.

00:05:26.800 You know, those are empty words in most cases.

00:05:29.280 So.

00:05:29.880 I think one of the things I've said in the past is just stop saying sorry and just fix the mistake.

00:05:35.300 Like, yeah, I mean, sorry is good.

00:05:37.920 That's a good start, but stop getting in yourself in positions where you need to say sorry, fix

00:05:42.140 the mistake.

00:05:42.900 That's how you say sorry and mean it.

00:05:45.760 Nick Berger's questions a little bit more on the dire straight of things.

00:05:50.240 So what should every man have in place for his family if he suddenly died?

00:05:54.080 Not just financially, but should he have things in place to still give advice to his kids later

00:05:59.560 in life?

00:06:00.760 That's a really good question.

00:06:02.000 I actually address this a lot as a financial advisor.

00:06:04.500 Let's just talk about the financial side and the document side really quickly.

00:06:08.260 I mean, briefly, we'll talk about that.

00:06:10.020 Number one, life insurance.

00:06:11.240 I believe that every man needs to have life insurance and I don't care if it's term universal

00:06:15.160 whole life.

00:06:15.760 I really don't care as long as first and foremost, you have the proper amount of coverage in

00:06:20.880 place because you have a financial obligation.

00:06:23.140 And to me, that obligation doesn't go away when I die.

00:06:26.860 So life insurance is critical.

00:06:29.020 A will at a minimum, just to avoid some confusion about how the estate is to be distributed.

00:06:38.280 And then also, if your estate is more complex or you have some more assets or more wealth

00:06:44.580 or businesses and things like this, you really want to consider a trust to avoid any confusion,

00:06:49.020 any probate, and just make sure that your wishes are carried out after you're dead and

00:06:54.960 gone.

00:06:55.180 So from a document and legal side, that's definitely at a minimum what I would have in

00:06:59.060 place.

00:06:59.960 But I also think, well, one of the things I really, really like about what I'm doing with

00:07:04.800 order of man is that my legacy will live on beyond me because I'm sharing this stuff.

00:07:11.500 Like it's a, it's a, it's a living journal.

00:07:14.740 My kids can come back and they can listen to the podcast.

00:07:17.020 My wife, my, you know, Facebook, all of my accounts, like all of my thoughts are out there.

00:07:21.840 We've talked about journaling in the past.

00:07:24.300 I have my grandfather's journal when he was in high school and I'll read through there

00:07:27.580 and I'll, and I'll hear about him ditching school.

00:07:30.620 They lived in San Francisco.

00:07:31.540 So he would ditch school with his buddies and they would go, uh, fish in, in the, in the

00:07:37.160 wharf there and just like really cool stories.

00:07:39.940 So I think having some sort of documentation about who you are and what you're all about,

00:07:43.720 I think that's important.

00:07:45.080 The conversations that you've had, one of the things that we did, and I think I talked about

00:07:49.080 this last week on a Friday field notes is me and my boys put together a code of conduct

00:07:54.360 that's in the process of being framed right now.

00:07:56.780 So I'll have a copy here in my office.

00:07:58.280 They'll have a copy.

00:07:59.220 So all of these things about the way that you lived, but I'd also say experiences too.

00:08:04.220 What experiences can they draw back from or on if, and when you're dead and gone, are

00:08:10.160 those going to be fond memories?

00:08:11.240 Are they even going to be there at all?

00:08:12.700 Are they going to be non-existent?

00:08:14.340 I want my kids.

00:08:15.120 If I'm gone to be able to say, Oh man, remember that hunt I went on.

00:08:17.780 And remember that camping trip.

00:08:18.940 And remember when dad and me did this and that, and remember when he coached our teams.

00:08:22.840 So we leave our legacy through the actions that we're taking right now.

00:08:26.220 So those are, those are the things that I immediately come to mind for me.

00:08:29.360 Would you add anything to that?

00:08:31.700 My wife has done a great job.

00:08:33.860 She has this family book that she creates and it's like, she distributes at Christmas time

00:08:40.400 and it's for the year before.

00:08:41.780 And what's amazing about that book is I have daughters that are only seven and five and

00:08:49.080 they'll, they'll make reference.

00:08:50.540 Do you remember?

00:08:51.440 And I'm like, how do they remember that?

00:08:53.100 And I'm like, that's cause it's in that book.

00:08:55.280 Yeah.

00:08:55.900 Right.

00:08:56.300 They have created, like they were probably too young, right?

00:08:59.460 They probably do not remember those scenarios, but they remember them because they've seen

00:09:04.360 it in that book and they've created a memory by looking at that book.

00:09:07.640 And we leave that book on our nightstand in the living room and, and the kids just constantly

00:09:11.560 go through that book.

00:09:12.320 And I love that.

00:09:13.300 And it, and it doesn't address kind of the advice side that you're alluding to.

00:09:16.600 I think journals are perfect for that, but the experience side, it works perfect for that.

00:09:21.160 Right.

00:09:21.520 Because they have all these things that we did as a family kind of documented on a yearly

00:09:25.880 basis.

00:09:26.300 And it's, I think it's just super clever.

00:09:28.140 Yeah.

00:09:28.460 That's cool.

00:09:28.840 Not my, I like that.

00:09:29.440 Not my idea.

00:09:30.040 All the wife's idea.

00:09:31.320 Great idea.

00:09:32.080 Scrapbooking.

00:09:32.540 I love it.

00:09:33.600 Yeah.

00:09:34.020 That's you.

00:09:34.700 That's you, man.

00:09:35.440 You're the scrapbooker of the family.

00:09:37.000 We know it is.

00:09:38.080 Although she, she would be angry if you said she was a scrapbooker.

00:09:42.240 Don't tell her I said that.

00:09:43.500 They hope, does she listen to the podcast?

00:09:45.260 No, totally not.

00:09:46.640 She's like, I, I'd have no desire to hear what Ryan and Kip have to say about it.

00:09:51.080 She gets it too much.

00:09:52.340 That's funny.

00:09:53.060 Okay.

00:09:53.260 Well, we won't tell her that I said she's a scrapbooker.

00:09:56.060 Yeah.

00:09:56.440 Okay.

00:09:57.160 Uh, JD Gamble.

00:09:58.460 Yeah.

00:09:58.660 Keep it on the down low.

00:09:59.460 No one tell her.

00:10:00.440 Uh, JD Gamble.

00:10:01.580 His question is you did winning with, with your wife.

00:10:05.100 What about something along the lines of keeping your kids a guide, not to be messing them up

00:10:10.460 while setting them free.

00:10:12.040 Could you help a lot with young parents out there?

00:10:14.100 Obviously you did another episode.

00:10:16.400 I did.

00:10:16.620 And he probably asked this question prior to me releasing that.

00:10:19.280 So the Friday field notes, we can look it up here in a second.

00:10:22.580 Maybe Kip, you can look that up real quick.

00:10:24.460 I think it was last week's Friday field notes, but, um, he said, not messing up your kids.

00:10:29.380 Look, you're going to mess up your kids.

00:10:31.060 Like, like all of us jack up our kids in some way.

00:10:34.160 And really it's just a matter of what kind of thoughts and ideas and behaviors and patterns

00:10:37.840 that we're implementing and, uh, indoctrinating them into, if you will.

00:10:44.180 That's maybe not the right word, but really that's kind of what it is.

00:10:48.280 You're indoctrinating your kids into a way of behaving in a way of believing through your

00:10:53.240 actions.

00:10:53.760 Hopefully you're intentional about it because if you're not, I think you're probably doing

00:10:57.860 them a disservice.

00:10:58.500 Even if you are intentional about it, you're still probably doing them a disservice.

00:11:02.480 But I think when it comes to parenting, it's just about getting a little bit more right

00:11:06.700 than you got wrong.

00:11:07.740 Yeah.

00:11:08.220 And not intentionally messing them up.

00:11:10.260 Exactly.

00:11:11.560 Exactly.

00:11:12.040 Or being negligent.

00:11:13.020 And yeah, so that's Friday Field Note 126.

00:11:16.220 So that's orderofman.com forward slash FFN 126.

00:11:20.900 That's right.

00:11:21.580 Yeah.

00:11:21.840 So go check that out.

00:11:22.700 10 ways to win with your kids.

00:11:24.540 That's right.

00:11:25.440 So go check that out.

00:11:26.600 Pretty good.

00:11:27.140 If I do say so myself, um, those are some things that I'm not awesome at, but the things

00:11:32.400 that I'm trying to incorporate in my life, you know, here's, what's really interesting

00:11:34.920 is people say when I make posts or comments or podcasts or things like that, they'll say,

00:11:39.920 well, what makes you the expert?

00:11:40.880 And at the end of the day, I'm like, I'm actually sharing these things for me more than anybody

00:11:44.520 else.

00:11:44.880 Like when I say something, I'm actually, it's just my thoughts, me talking to myself.

00:11:49.140 I'm like, oh, I should probably document that so that I can draw back and look at that later.

00:11:52.900 So 10 ways to win my kids when I get frustrated, like yesterday at football practice, my second

00:11:58.220 son, oh man, I was going to rage.

00:12:01.080 I was having him run a play and he just wouldn't do it.

00:12:05.540 The way that we had practiced, the way we had talked about, and he just wouldn't do it.

00:12:10.240 Just the route.

00:12:11.240 He kept getting the route wrong or what?

00:12:12.880 Yeah.

00:12:13.380 So he was, we have, we had in our formation, kind of a wishbone formation.

00:12:17.620 So he was one of the running backs and we were doing a sweep left and he was the left

00:12:23.740 running back, but we bring the right running back, cross them over.

00:12:26.360 Okay.

00:12:26.460 This is getting complex.

00:12:27.780 Maybe this is why he wouldn't do it.

00:12:28.880 Cause he didn't understand.

00:12:29.640 Um, he would, he would lead left.

00:12:33.180 He was the lead blocker left and he would keep trying to grab the ball.

00:12:37.240 I'm like, dude, this is not your play.

00:12:39.880 You are the lead block.

00:12:41.280 Go run out there on block.

00:12:42.680 And he did it two, three times in a row.

00:12:44.540 And I'm finally like, Eli, go over there and do burpees until I say you're done.

00:12:49.420 And he came back and he had this like big wide eyed, like, I'm sorry.

00:12:52.640 And he came back in and he did the same thing.

00:12:56.420 Oh, I was so pissed.

00:12:57.900 I don't even know where I'm going with this.

00:12:58.840 Oh, here's where I'm going.

00:13:00.520 I lost my patience.

00:13:01.780 I lost my cool.

00:13:02.560 I wasn't like abusive, but I lost my cool with him.

00:13:05.780 And, and it's good to have something to draw back on and know that this is the type of parent

00:13:10.480 I want to be, even though I'll admit readily admit that I fall short.

00:13:15.800 These are the areas that I try to improve upon and be better at.

00:13:20.800 So it's a good podcast.

00:13:22.880 Yeah.

00:13:23.400 JD.

00:13:23.920 Yeah.

00:13:24.180 Just plan on grabbing a pen and paper when you listen to that one.

00:13:27.320 Cause I did the same thing.

00:13:28.600 I had to take notes.

00:13:29.640 I'm like, ah, these are, these are good points.

00:13:31.520 I need to implement.

00:13:32.420 Yeah.

00:13:33.420 So David Riviera, his question, the importance of having male friends.

00:13:37.920 Crucial.

00:13:39.000 Crucial.

00:13:40.140 Look, I did this wrong.

00:13:41.280 When I started dating my wife, the first people to go to go were my buddies.

00:13:45.320 Yeah.

00:13:45.880 Stop spending time with them.

00:13:46.920 Stop hanging out with them.

00:13:47.860 Stop participating in hobbies.

00:13:49.500 Stop doing the things that we wanted to do.

00:13:51.100 And, and I put all of my energy and effort and everything else into my wife.

00:13:55.380 And that was a huge mistake.

00:13:57.940 Huge mistake.

00:13:58.720 I'm not saying that we need to neglect our wives, but I'm saying, man, if you can't stand

00:14:03.180 on your own two feet, you're never going to be able to stand shoulder to shoulder with

00:14:07.440 her in the way that you're capable of doing.

00:14:09.600 So you got to find hobbies.

00:14:11.400 You've got to find activities.

00:14:12.500 You've got to find a band of brothers.

00:14:13.880 You've got to be engaged with those guys.

00:14:15.320 You've got to do things without her or any other women around because there's conversations

00:14:19.400 and discussions that can be had that can't be had when a woman is present.

00:14:25.060 There's the accountability.

00:14:26.460 There's, there's so much to having male friends in your life.

00:14:31.220 And if you're, if you don't, man, you're missing the boat.

00:14:34.860 You're not, there's just more that you're missing that you need in your life.

00:14:39.200 And there's so much to that question, right?

00:14:42.200 It's like, why don't you have the male friends like establishing boundaries and are, you know,

00:14:48.720 are you putting all your happiness in her?

00:14:50.660 We can talk about Mr. Nice guy.

00:14:52.540 And it's really interesting.

00:14:54.200 I love to see the statistics of guys that have successful, happy marriages that have no male

00:15:00.000 friends.

00:15:01.420 Yeah, I would, I would be willing to bet that the rate of divorce and or separation when there

00:15:08.020 isn't outside friends and or hobbies is significantly higher, which is really a bit of a, an interesting

00:15:16.540 concept.

00:15:17.340 It's, it's that it's the old adage absence makes the heart grows, grow fonder.

00:15:21.760 You've got to get away from your wife now and then she's got to get away from you.

00:15:25.840 My wife went out with, I think 10 of 10 or 11 of her girlfriends last night and they did.

00:15:30.240 I don't exactly know.

00:15:31.320 I don't exactly know what they did.

00:15:34.380 They, they were doing some food prep thing or something.

00:15:36.860 And anyways, they had fun and, and it was good for me because I got to do my thing.

00:15:42.560 It was good for her.

00:15:43.300 She got to do her thing.

00:15:44.220 And then we come back and we're better.

00:15:46.420 We're better off when we do those types of things.

00:15:50.100 Copy.

00:15:51.600 Jonathan Jones.

00:15:52.960 How do you say separate the difference between your ego and your pride?

00:15:56.820 Or is there a difference?

00:15:58.960 Yeah.

00:15:59.440 You base it on results.

00:16:01.700 So your ego is going to produce inferior results.

00:16:06.880 Pride healthy.

00:16:08.180 Now you can get excessive in your pride too, but a healthy dose of pride, which I think is what

00:16:11.640 he's alluding to here.

00:16:12.840 Is it going to help you produce superior results?

00:16:16.480 How confidence?

00:16:18.900 Because you take pride in the things that you do and the things that you've done and the

00:16:21.940 things that you've completed.

00:16:22.820 Now you give yourself the foundation and the framework for continuing to do new things that

00:16:27.980 you didn't previously think possible.

00:16:30.500 So being proud of who you are and what you've accomplished gives you the faith that you can

00:16:35.540 now push the bounds and do something bigger and better and more and more and more.

00:16:40.640 So pride, a healthy dose of pride produces superior results.

00:16:44.240 Ego on the other hand, blinds you.

00:16:47.180 It blinds you to your shortcomings.

00:16:49.280 It blinds you to your inadequacies.

00:16:51.420 It blinds you to outside opinions and factors and input that could potentially give you a

00:16:58.740 perspective that will help you excel.

00:17:01.620 So if you're not achieving the results that you want in your life, it's probably an ego

00:17:06.700 issue.

00:17:07.880 It's even go so far as not trying new things, not trying new things is egotistical.

00:17:14.960 And what do I mean by that?

00:17:16.460 I mean that you're so concerned with your fragile ego and your view of yourself that you aren't

00:17:25.520 willing to go out there and fail and try something difficult and push a little harder than you

00:17:29.620 previously thought you could.

00:17:31.280 Versus you think pride is a result of action and growth?

00:17:36.160 Hell yeah.

00:17:36.700 Look, so I'll give you an example.

00:17:38.500 Uh, I think about a week ago, I posted a video of our mutual friend, Matthew Arrington.

00:17:43.880 Matthew is my business partner when it comes to the order of man events that we run.

00:17:47.960 And at this legacy event, this father son event that we did a couple of weeks ago, we went to

00:17:53.320 the gym and we learned some basics of jujitsu.

00:17:56.100 And then we paired boys off with each other and we paired the men off with each other.

00:18:02.880 And they were to, to, to roll and it was for points because it was a team competition.

00:18:09.920 So I got stuck with Matthew Arrington.

00:18:12.760 And if you know, Matthew, he's 240 pounds and he's been in the game for, I think, seven, eight,

00:18:19.880 nine years.

00:18:20.760 He's significantly bigger, better, and stronger than I am.

00:18:24.940 And for two minutes, he humiliated me for two minutes.

00:18:31.340 And then I posted the video.

00:18:33.020 You probably saw it on Facebook, but I was proud of that.

00:18:38.440 If I was egotistical, I wouldn't have posted that.

00:18:41.360 I was proud that I was able to get in there.

00:18:43.880 And even though I got my butt kicked for two minutes with this big 240 pound gorilla on my

00:18:48.380 back, I was proud that I did it.

00:18:50.940 And that pride keeps me going back every single week and getting better and improving because

00:18:56.460 I was proud.

00:18:57.160 Like, I didn't think I could previously do it.

00:18:59.440 And I proved to myself that I did.

00:19:01.140 Now I didn't win, but I didn't tap.

00:19:04.680 And I did a few things right.

00:19:06.780 And next time I do it, I'll do a few more things right.

00:19:09.040 And a few more things.

00:19:10.220 Pride gives you hope and faith that you can continue to grow.

00:19:13.660 Ego keeps you from pushing.

00:19:15.360 Where ego in that scenario, you, you would have never got on the mat.

00:19:18.240 No, no.

00:19:19.020 You would have looked bad.

00:19:19.840 Right.

00:19:20.280 Because I would have looked bad in front of all of the guys that invested money in being

00:19:25.460 at the legacy event and hold me in somewhat of a high regard because of my position within

00:19:31.560 order of man.

00:19:33.600 So if I was egotistical about it, I would have just sat the sideline and maybe said I was

00:19:38.860 hurt or I wasn't up to par or, oh, no, no, no.

00:19:41.440 I don't want to compete.

00:19:42.220 This is for you guys.

00:19:44.140 That would have been ego talking.

00:19:45.640 And what's crazy is ego lies.

00:19:51.220 Like if you look at that, if you look at that scenario, if you didn't train, half the group

00:19:56.240 would have already thought, oh, he's not, he's not going to get mad because he doesn't want

00:19:59.980 to look bad.

00:20:00.900 Like everyone would have known.

00:20:01.980 You can't hide it.

00:20:02.680 Yeah, exactly.

00:20:03.880 Everyone would have known.

00:20:05.280 And then you're just, you're running around fooling yourself thinking like, oh yeah, yeah.

00:20:09.300 And not only that, like on the negative side, but most people would respect the fact that

00:20:16.440 you got on the mat with the gorilla and, and more respect would have been granted versus

00:20:21.680 not.

00:20:22.080 Like ego is just like this, this blanketed lie, right?

00:20:26.040 That you're, that a lot of people buy into it.

00:20:28.000 It seems like.

00:20:29.400 It's, it's a hundred percent true, man.

00:20:31.720 It's a hundred.

00:20:32.340 Look, you're not fooling anybody.

00:20:33.900 You're not fooling other people and you're certainly not fooling yourself.

00:20:37.120 Well, maybe you are fooling yourself, but wake up.

00:20:40.360 Yeah.

00:20:40.840 Maybe just yourself.

00:20:42.080 Yeah.

00:20:42.620 I have a good question, Jonathan, because I'll be honest.

00:20:44.940 When I, when I, when I read that question, I was like, you know, I don't know if I've clearly

00:20:49.460 made that distinction of the difference between ego and pride.

00:20:52.740 So I really like, I really like what you said.

00:20:55.120 And I'm grateful that Jonathan asked that.

00:20:56.800 That was great.

00:20:57.480 Right on.

00:20:58.260 All right.

00:20:58.900 Next question.

00:21:00.060 Ben.

00:21:02.220 Ontinat.

00:21:02.740 Ontinat.

00:21:03.280 That's how I would say that.

00:21:04.360 Yeah.

00:21:04.980 Um, how do you find your purpose?

00:21:07.060 How to figure out what the right career is?

00:21:10.360 Yeah.

00:21:10.640 A little loaded question there.

00:21:12.480 Yeah.

00:21:12.940 Yeah.

00:21:13.620 Well, I don't like the word find in this question.

00:21:16.740 How do you find your purpose?

00:21:18.040 Because what that alludes to me is that it's out there somewhere and you just haven't stumbled

00:21:22.520 across it yet.

00:21:23.960 Yeah.

00:21:24.680 To me, I would prefer the word articulate or uncover or discover, meaning that it's an act

00:21:34.120 create.

00:21:34.680 It's an active process.

00:21:37.320 You got to be active in developing your purpose and you can find purpose and meaning in anything.

00:21:43.900 I went for a run yesterday and I hate running.

00:21:46.560 I hate running and I only ran for two miles, which is not a long run at all.

00:21:51.440 And it's miserable.

00:21:52.740 I put music on that wasn't working.

00:21:55.080 I put a podcast on that wasn't working.

00:21:57.020 I started thinking about some goals and that actually helped get my mind off running.

00:22:01.600 It's just miserable.

00:22:02.660 And yet I do it because there's purpose and there's significance in it.

00:22:06.700 I caught myself saying, why the hell do people do this?

00:22:09.920 And then I remembered, oh, there's a reason I do this because it's hard, because it's suffering,

00:22:14.780 because it's unenjoyable.

00:22:15.940 And it makes me a better man.

00:22:18.640 It makes me more capable.

00:22:19.920 It makes me stronger.

00:22:20.880 It makes me better.

00:22:21.560 It makes me mentally and physically more conditioned.

00:22:24.940 So I found purpose in it.

00:22:26.580 So you can find purpose wherever if you're willing to articulate and discover it.

00:22:31.460 Now, specifically, Ben, for your question, how now do you discover this?

00:22:35.520 How do you articulate this?

00:22:36.980 You find the purpose in what you're doing now.

00:22:40.300 What you're doing in your career right now, and I don't know what that is, could possibly

00:22:46.980 be the very thing, the very skill set or lesson you need to learn in order to move to the next

00:22:53.020 position.

00:22:53.840 So for example, and a lot of guys know this, if you've been listening to Order Man for any

00:22:57.460 amount of time, you know this financial planning practice, had that for about a decade, sold

00:23:02.140 a practice about three months ago.

00:23:04.660 I started a podcast about four, four and a half years ago called Wealth Anatomy.

00:23:09.700 It was a podcast geared towards helping medical professionals with their financial planning

00:23:14.280 quickly, quickly.

00:23:16.100 I realized I really, really enjoyed the medium of podcasting.

00:23:18.880 Just didn't want to continue to have that same conversation.

00:23:21.580 So long story short, I pivoted, but guess what?

00:23:24.520 I learned how to podcast.

00:23:26.640 I learned how to podcast in the financial planning practice.

00:23:29.540 And then that translated perfectly over to what we're doing here, which has now reached

00:23:33.860 tens of millions of men across the planet, hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people

00:23:38.500 tuning in.

00:23:39.100 I mean, it's, it's unreal, but I wouldn't have discovered this purpose if I wasn't willing

00:23:44.520 to try something in what ultimately and previously really wasn't my purpose, but I found meaning

00:23:51.400 in it and I translated it over into something new.

00:23:54.120 Now, will I be doing Order of Man in five years?

00:23:56.440 I would like to think that I will in some capacity, but I don't know.

00:24:00.640 Maybe there's going to be a new opportunity.

00:24:02.600 Maybe there's going to be something significantly better.

00:24:05.320 And everything that I'm learning right now will translate over into that next venture.

00:24:10.700 So you've got to discover it.

00:24:12.040 You've got to articulate it.

00:24:12.880 You've got to find meaning where you are today so that you can continue to improve and discover

00:24:16.960 that purpose moving forward.

00:24:18.040 So profound.

00:24:20.760 We talk about this on the Iron Council in all the time.

00:24:24.400 We, we hear this, we, you, we hear purpose and career in the same sentence as though you

00:24:29.720 need to quit your job, find that career.

00:24:33.100 That is your purpose.

00:24:34.080 And I don't think it, I don't think people find it that way.

00:24:37.320 I think they, they have a job, they have a career and they try things like, I love the

00:24:43.120 idea of something that fires you up, make a community project, do a side gig, do something,

00:24:50.820 experiment, try it, you know?

00:24:52.720 And, and in the meantime, look for a purpose in all that you do, right?

00:24:55.860 Whether it's being a father or a boss or a business owner and, and, and things will evolve,

00:25:02.820 doors will open, opportunities will present themselves.

00:25:05.420 And I, I don't know that that's how I see it.

00:25:07.860 I, I, I, I'm in that boat, right?

00:25:11.580 Where, wherever I hear is like this, the concept or the suggestion that there is a purpose and

00:25:19.600 it, and it, you have to like, I don't know, search the world for it.

00:25:24.660 And once you find it, like the heavens will open and lights and angels will come.

00:25:28.580 Like, I don't, that'd be awesome.

00:25:29.880 It would be, but I don't think it works that way.

00:25:32.900 No, I really don't.

00:25:33.660 And I think that your purpose could probably be 20 different things.

00:25:37.380 I don't think there is a purpose.

00:25:39.540 Yeah.

00:25:39.720 Good point.

00:25:40.200 I haven't thought about that.

00:25:40.980 That's a really good point.

00:25:42.140 So I don't know.

00:25:43.600 Uh, I will say Kip, one other thing is a resource is looking to Cal Newport.

00:25:48.440 He's been on the podcast, uh, at least once, maybe even twice.

00:25:53.820 I can't remember right offhand.

00:25:54.960 It's getting like, we've done so many interviews.

00:25:56.680 It's getting to that point where I can't remember how many times he's come on the show, but he

00:25:59.120 has been on the show.

00:26:00.000 He has two books in particular that I really like on this subject.

00:26:03.180 Number one is deep work, deep work by Cal Newport.

00:26:06.980 And number two is so good.

00:26:08.280 They can't ignore you again by Cal Newport.

00:26:10.560 Uh, Cal is a big advocate for not chasing purpose, but finding purpose where you currently

00:26:15.400 are.

00:26:15.660 So those are two resources that I would definitely check out.

00:26:18.420 Yeah.

00:26:18.520 One of our clients, I wish I could reference the company name cause I can't remember off

00:26:22.420 the top of my head, but he started a business that what they do is they specialize in helping

00:26:28.280 companies be purpose driven.

00:26:30.860 So instead of like, okay, we're, we, we increase revenues.

00:26:34.340 No, no, no.

00:26:35.060 They actually add purpose to the, to the company, right?

00:26:38.180 Our purpose in the company is increased revenues.

00:26:40.020 So we can then contribute to this major cause, right?

00:26:43.240 And it adds meaning to the company.

00:26:45.920 I think it's no different in our lives.

00:26:47.280 I think we can find meaning and purpose in almost anything that we're doing.

00:26:51.480 Yeah.

00:26:52.020 I, I a hundred percent agree.

00:26:53.260 I was trying to pull up while you were doing that.

00:26:55.160 My, uh, Cal Newport podcast, it looks like episode 63 is approaching work like a craftsman.

00:27:04.120 So we talk about it there.

00:27:05.560 And then also one's called don't follow your passion, but I don't know if that's a podcast

00:27:15.540 episode or what.

00:27:16.940 Anyways, it's, it's there.

00:27:18.540 It's there.

00:27:19.380 You'll find it.

00:27:21.640 All right.

00:27:23.000 Next question.

00:27:24.500 Jordan Mills.

00:27:25.840 How has the empowerment of women and equal rights negatively impacted men?

00:27:32.380 How has it positively impacted them?

00:27:34.480 How do you foresee this to continue to impact men and boys in the future, looking both from

00:27:39.740 a negative and positive lens?

00:27:42.820 Uh, well let's answer it in the order that he asked.

00:27:47.160 So he said, what negative, how's it negatively impacted men?

00:27:50.260 It's just been taken too far.

00:27:51.760 Men have become the enemy.

00:27:52.880 So it's no longer about it's in a way it's like women.

00:27:57.160 And I'm talking about third wave feminism here.

00:27:59.820 These third wave feminists, they're not playing to win.

00:28:02.640 It's kind of like they're playing not to lose or they're playing to win through the loss

00:28:07.940 of somebody else.

00:28:08.580 Meaning that if men lose, they by default win.

00:28:10.980 It's not a healthy perspective because the pie in, in this scenario of, of equality of

00:28:18.080 rights and human beings in general, and I'm not just talking about women, but I'm talking

00:28:22.460 about, uh, genders.

00:28:24.900 I'm talking about ethnicity.

00:28:26.020 I'm talking about sexual orientation.

00:28:27.760 I'm talking about all of these things.

00:28:30.360 It's, it's not a good way to live your life.

00:28:32.900 When you think that in order for you to win, that somebody else has to lose.

00:28:40.680 Nobody has to lose in order for you to win.

00:28:42.900 So this movement, this feminist movement, which I don't know whether it started as a

00:28:48.000 positive or a negative thing.

00:28:49.080 I'm, I think positive has become so problematic.

00:28:54.920 And I'll use the word that these people like to use against men is so toxic that it's actually

00:29:00.740 become not only a detriment to men, but it's become a detriment to themselves.

00:29:05.520 Women as well.

00:29:06.780 They're undermining their own authority.

00:29:08.620 They're undermining their own status and they're undermining the, the power and the

00:29:14.060 way in, and the way in which women show up.

00:29:17.420 It's, it's sad.

00:29:18.720 It's really sad to see.

00:29:19.960 So how is it negatively impacted men?

00:29:22.240 Well, men have become the enemy and masculinity is by its very nature, quote unquote toxic.

00:29:28.780 It's certainly not.

00:29:30.420 And nobody complains about toxic masculinity when men are doing what they do best, which

00:29:35.280 is protecting, providing, and presiding.

00:29:36.940 Nobody complains about it.

00:29:40.120 Then they only complain about it when things go wrong.

00:29:42.440 But what's interesting about that is the very traits that we exhibit as men, when we are

00:29:48.800 being oppressive potentially, or violent are the very same characteristics that are used

00:29:53.760 to save and serve people.

00:29:56.300 It's just a matter of harnessing those things.

00:29:58.720 Now, where has it helped men?

00:30:00.940 I think it's helped us realize that women are not objects.

00:30:05.820 They're not possessions of ours.

00:30:07.520 And instead of treating them as possessions, I think we're more capable of walking shoulder

00:30:13.200 to shoulder.

00:30:13.860 I walk shoulder to shoulder with my wife in our marriage and in our relationship and the

00:30:17.840 way in which we approach life.

00:30:18.940 And that makes me a better human being because she brings a new set of, of experiences and

00:30:26.300 virtues, kindness, compassion, empathy, and love all virtues.

00:30:30.940 I'm completely capable of exhibiting, but not to the degree she is.

00:30:35.760 And that makes me a better human being makes me a better father, a better husband, better

00:30:39.980 business owner, a community leader, better in every facet of my life.

00:30:44.480 And, and was there a, Oh, how, how do we, how will this continue to impact men and boys

00:30:49.760 in the future?

00:30:50.320 If, if we, as men don't step up and I'm not talking about stepping up against, against

00:30:56.340 third wave feminism, although that needs to be addressed.

00:31:00.080 I'm talking about stepping up in our own lives, like leading the way that we're supposed

00:31:04.540 to lead being the type of fathers that we're supposed to be being the type of husbands,

00:31:09.880 being the type of business owners, community leaders.

00:31:12.500 We need to step up in these powerful ways, because if we don't, we're going to continue

00:31:17.860 to see this trend grow and grow and grow.

00:31:20.180 And men will continue to become the enemy and it'll get worse and worse and worse and

00:31:24.800 worse.

00:31:25.720 So it's on us to step up as men.

00:31:30.060 That's all I have to say about that.

00:31:32.040 Yeah, that's all.

00:31:32.840 That wasn't lengthy at all.

00:31:35.320 Sorry, did I bore you?

00:31:36.740 Did I bore you?

00:31:38.080 No, it's, it's good, man.

00:31:39.820 It's so true.

00:31:40.640 I, the thing that I don't like about it is it, it doesn't celebrate our differences.

00:31:46.640 It, it often, when you, when you hear equality, people think it means the same, that we're the

00:31:54.100 same.

00:31:54.500 We're not the same.

00:31:55.900 We're drastically different.

00:31:57.480 And that's beautiful and perfect exactly the way it is.

00:32:00.760 And so I, yeah, and it should be that way.

00:32:03.020 It's by design, I believe.

00:32:04.240 So, yep.

00:32:05.920 Will Manuel, Will Manuel, his question.

00:32:09.460 I've been trying to get back into my Christian spirituality.

00:32:12.520 I've never lost faith, just lost touch with it.

00:32:15.840 Do either of you use a daily devotional?

00:32:18.180 If so, which one and why?

00:32:20.000 A lot of people ask me this about scripture study and devotionals.

00:32:24.860 I don't, I don't, I actually don't know what that means.

00:32:27.480 Like we just read scriptures.

00:32:29.840 I don't know if that's daily devotional.

00:32:32.280 So when people say, well, what do you do?

00:32:33.620 I'm like, we just read the scriptures and then we talk about it as a family.

00:32:37.320 And in addition to that, we pray.

00:32:40.180 That's what, and I go to church.

00:32:42.860 That's, that's what I do.

00:32:44.760 And that keeps me grounded.

00:32:47.020 It keeps me rooted in my faith.

00:32:48.860 It's very easy to get off track.

00:32:50.400 And I'm not just talking about spirituality, but I'm talking about any facet of life.

00:32:53.640 It's very easy for you to go on vacation for a week and skip working out because you're

00:32:57.900 on vacation.

00:32:58.400 Think about how hard it is to come back and get back into working out or a diet or dating

00:33:04.080 your wife.

00:33:04.740 I mean, every facet of life.

00:33:06.700 So it's really, really important that you find and maintain a consistent schedule when

00:33:11.240 it comes to anything that's important to you.

00:33:12.980 In this case, if it's spirituality, for me, it's every Sunday, we have church every single

00:33:19.440 morning.

00:33:19.960 We do, we have read from the scriptures every single day.

00:33:24.220 I'm praying morning, noon, and night.

00:33:26.360 Uh, and then every Tuesday I spend some time with some boys in our community through our

00:33:33.720 church, young men's program, because it's important to me.

00:33:37.220 So I incorporate it into my life every single day so that I can stay on that path that I've

00:33:41.980 chosen to walk.

00:33:44.660 Yeah.

00:33:45.180 What about you, Kip?

00:33:46.060 Do you have a, I mean, how do you view devotional?

00:33:49.300 Like I said, a lot of people ask me that.

00:33:50.860 So I grabbed like a Webster definition of what is a devotional and I suggested that a, an

00:33:58.220 offering or a prayer to God, right.

00:34:00.460 Of your devotion to him.

00:34:02.060 Okay.

00:34:02.640 Um, I, I think we do that by default just by having morning prayers with our kids.

00:34:08.440 You know what I mean?

00:34:09.060 So I don't have like a set prayer.

00:34:11.240 It's, it's just kind of a prayer that we do in the, in the morning.

00:34:14.500 I have my journal here and I actually have a, maybe this would be considered a devotional

00:34:21.280 or maybe it's more in the space of like words of affirmation, but it's very spiritual and,

00:34:28.380 and, but, and that's scripted.

00:34:30.220 And I actually read that, um, every morning.

00:34:34.100 So maybe that's a form of devotional.

00:34:36.700 Yeah, I wrote it.

00:34:38.440 And, uh, part of my morning ritual, I, I read it off every day.

00:34:42.260 Cool.

00:34:42.780 So maybe that's a form of devotion.

00:34:45.020 Yeah.

00:34:45.340 I don't know.

00:34:45.960 I think that's a good question.

00:34:47.260 I think you just, if, if it's important to you, which to will, it sounds like it is,

00:34:51.280 then you just put it in your, put it into your week, put it into your day and do it every

00:34:58.380 single day.

00:34:59.580 Yeah.

00:35:00.320 I would suggest, I mean, I love, I mean, looking at the root of this question, right.

00:35:04.680 Is that, uh, you know, he's gotten to lost his, not lost his faith, but been out of touch,

00:35:09.660 right.

00:35:09.940 With his spirituality, I think being devoted and doing something necessary on a daily basis

00:35:17.500 that helps remind you of, of that purpose and the, and the value that that provides

00:35:22.600 in your life is, is exactly what is needed.

00:35:25.020 Is that, if that's a prayer, if that's meditation, if that's serving somebody else.

00:35:29.940 Yeah, exactly.

00:35:31.000 I think there's many tactics that we talk about within the iron council and that you

00:35:35.080 talk about with your guests on the podcast that there, I think there's many ways that

00:35:39.560 that devotion could be actually served.

00:35:41.420 I think.

00:35:42.040 Yeah.

00:35:42.220 And, and experiment, try different things and figure out what works for you and what seems

00:35:47.120 to have the biggest impact.

00:35:48.740 Yeah.

00:35:49.220 Good question.

00:35:50.400 Cool.

00:35:50.800 Um, yeah.

00:35:52.580 You want to help me out with Jeff's last name here?

00:35:54.420 You know, in the military, when we had a name like this, specifically in basic training,

00:36:00.000 uh, the drill sergeant would just call you alphabet.

00:36:05.960 So this would be either Jeff alphabet or private alphabet.

00:36:11.720 Cause there's no way I'm going to be able to pronounce that.

00:36:14.140 Yeah.

00:36:14.740 Jeff P.

00:36:15.800 Pikarchik, maybe.

00:36:18.160 Zik.

00:36:18.740 Zik.

00:36:19.420 Zik.

00:36:19.960 Check.

00:36:20.220 I don't know.

00:36:20.700 I don't know the pronunciation.

00:36:21.780 All right.

00:36:22.060 It says Schick.

00:36:23.300 Okay.

00:36:23.940 Jeff.

00:36:24.360 Jeff alphabet.

00:36:25.860 That's a term of endearment by the way, brother.

00:36:27.940 So we're, we're not making fun of you or your last name.

00:36:30.560 Well, it's actually out of ignorance that we can't pronounce your name.

00:36:33.660 So it's not, uh, yeah, it's nothing more than that.

00:36:37.500 So, uh, so Jeff's question is statistics and correlations associated with not having a positive

00:36:43.980 male role model in your life.

00:36:46.040 Oh man, we need to find a link.

00:36:47.580 There was a link about the absence of fathers in the home.

00:36:53.100 And if you look, and I, and I'm not going to spout off the statistics because I don't

00:36:57.620 know them verbatim, but I'm telling you when it came to violence, when it comes to depression,

00:37:03.600 when it comes to suicide rates, when it comes to criminal activity, when it comes to school

00:37:09.340 dropouts, when it comes to drug abuse, the numbers are significantly worse.

00:37:16.260 If a father is not present, it's been statistically proven for both boys and girls.

00:37:23.080 Yeah.

00:37:23.580 And it's not like 5%.

00:37:25.060 No, no, no.

00:37:25.600 It's significant.

00:37:27.320 Yeah.

00:37:27.880 Look, I came from a father's home and my mom did a wonderful job raising me.

00:37:31.760 I'm an anonymity because it doesn't always turn out like that.

00:37:36.560 In fact, more often than not, it goes the wrong way.

00:37:39.720 And I'm not saying that women aren't capable because there's going to be women who are listening

00:37:42.480 to this that are thinking that's an attack on that.

00:37:44.280 It's not, it's not men and women are needed when it comes to rearing children.

00:37:51.600 Uh, a really good book on this, the boy crisis by Dr. Warren Farrell, just did a podcast with

00:37:56.540 him about a month or so ago.

00:37:58.060 Uh, Dr. Leonard Sachs has some great information on this as far as correlations.

00:38:03.640 I can give you my own antidotes.

00:38:05.340 I mean, I, I, I grew up, like I said, without a father figure, permanent father figure in

00:38:09.460 my life.

00:38:09.800 I had some, some stepfathers come into my life.

00:38:12.420 Uh, but I'll tell you what, I learned more about being a man through high school, football,

00:38:17.780 baseball, wrestling, basketball coaches, and through the military than I ever learned

00:38:21.800 through some father that was under the walls of our home, under the roof of our home.

00:38:26.680 Uh, it's, it's critical.

00:38:29.380 And on both sides of this, if you are in the position, Jeff, to be a role model to a young

00:38:34.880 man, you have a moral obligation to do that.

00:38:37.620 I make no qualms about that.

00:38:39.520 You, Jeff, Kip, me, and every single man listening to this podcast has a moral obligation.

00:38:46.300 If he is in the position to do so mentally, physically, emotionally to step up and help

00:38:52.040 usher the next generation of men into manhood.

00:38:55.480 Whether you have kids or not.

00:38:57.240 Exactly.

00:38:57.800 And if you're not doing that, as Pete Roberts would say, he was a guest on the podcast a

00:39:01.820 couple of weeks ago to make a man is to raise a man.

00:39:05.340 If you're not doing that, and I'm not talking about biological fatherhood.

00:39:09.240 If you're not helping raising men, you are not fully living as a man period.

00:39:14.740 Which is a perfect segue into the next question, uh, Vikram Sani, his question, why one need

00:39:23.320 to marry?

00:39:24.740 You don't.

00:39:25.540 And I think it's a segue because I actually think there is a level of learning and growth

00:39:31.580 that is available in marriage that may not be.

00:39:34.340 Do you agree?

00:39:35.000 I, I a hundred percent agree with that.

00:39:36.440 But that said, you don't need to marry.

00:39:38.600 Yeah.

00:39:39.320 Yeah.

00:39:39.560 Nobody's telling you, you have to get married that, that, in fact, if they're telling you

00:39:43.700 have to get married, that's probably a reason you shouldn't.

00:39:46.640 Yeah.

00:39:47.420 Right.

00:39:47.700 So I think marriage should be the ultimate choice that you've chosen to commit yourself

00:39:55.260 to one woman that you've chosen to partner somebody that you can walk through an eternity

00:40:00.860 with and raise your kids and level up your life and learn and grow and do that together.

00:40:08.620 And it's sad because there's, this is another negative impact of the feminist movement.

00:40:13.080 Going back to that previous question, there's a lot of guys out there, specifically the Megto

00:40:17.640 movement who think that women are the enemy, who think that marriage is a faulty institution

00:40:24.880 and that relationships with the opposite sex should be avoided.

00:40:33.000 That's Megto.

00:40:35.080 And even further is the, the, uh, the incel movement, involuntary celibate.

00:40:39.880 It's not good.

00:40:40.940 It's not healthy.

00:40:42.680 It's in fact, it's very destructive to society.

00:40:45.280 There's a lot of value that comes from committing to a woman and then walking hand in hand with

00:40:50.060 her in raising kids righteously.

00:40:52.260 We just talked about the importance of fathers and mothers in the home.

00:40:54.560 It's like, uh, it's critical.

00:40:59.940 So do you need to marry?

00:41:01.700 No, you don't need to, but there's so much value that comes from it.

00:41:05.920 Sacrifice commitment, learning a new capacity to love and to honor and to cherish another

00:41:13.520 human being, to learn about yourself, to give selflessly to another person.

00:41:19.880 And then also to kids at a future point, I also believe that you shouldn't have kids

00:41:26.040 out of outside of marriage.

00:41:29.160 It's hard enough inside of marriage.

00:41:30.980 If you haven't fully committed to a woman, I'm just telling you that is a, that to me

00:41:35.980 is a recipe for disaster.

00:41:37.140 And I know there's a lot of guys listening that have, and they're making it work.

00:41:40.180 And if you are more the power to you, but statistically it's not a, it's not a good

00:41:44.180 thing.

00:41:44.640 And there's also a lot of guys who will listen to this and say, well, I don't need to, it's

00:41:49.120 not a document that I need to sign that says I commit to, to a woman.

00:41:54.200 That's fine.

00:41:54.960 Do your thing.

00:41:56.400 I'm just saying that there's power that comes from making a commitment to a partner that

00:42:03.440 you're going to walk hand in hand with for the rest of your life.

00:42:05.780 And I believe eternity.

00:42:07.760 Yeah.

00:42:08.680 What's crazy is out of all those groups that you mentioned, I don't even know what you

00:42:13.280 call them, but those social groups, right.

00:42:15.580 That are kind of against marriage and, and women and whatnot.

00:42:19.600 We probably share a lot of, and I'm kind of being funny here, but there's some truth

00:42:24.900 to this is we probably share a lot of common opinions.

00:42:28.660 Of course.

00:42:29.420 Oh, well, marriage is super hard and it's difficult or whatever.

00:42:32.040 Yeah, totally.

00:42:34.420 It's one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.

00:42:38.800 However, is it worth it?

00:42:41.340 Oh yeah.

00:42:42.360 Yeah.

00:42:42.560 Yeah.

00:42:42.720 It's worth it for sure.

00:42:44.120 Right.

00:42:44.640 And that's the difference, right?

00:42:45.920 We're not avoiding the difficult, the difficulty and the, I don't know, the opportunity for

00:42:54.740 growth because it's difficult, right?

00:42:56.860 We're, we're doing it because we know that's where growth is and, and that the blessings

00:43:01.740 and the fruit of that struggle is worth it.

00:43:04.980 It's totally worth it.

00:43:05.920 I believe that's true.

00:43:09.140 A hundred percent.

00:43:10.860 Don, Hulk water.

00:43:13.640 What beard products do you use?

00:43:16.080 Beard brand.

00:43:17.260 Beard brand.

00:43:18.140 That's it.

00:43:18.400 Is that great?

00:43:19.060 Dude, I've tried, I've tried them all.

00:43:20.580 Look, and there's probably two dozen or more guys listening to this that have their own beard

00:43:25.140 companies and more of the power to you.

00:43:27.400 I love it.

00:43:27.800 I think it's awesome.

00:43:28.640 Go out there and start businesses.

00:43:29.640 And they've all sent me their beard products and, and I've got beard products for months

00:43:35.360 and months and months and months.

00:43:36.440 Like if I could survive in the apocalypse on beard products, I would be set for three

00:43:40.720 lifetimes.

00:43:42.520 And I just have found beard, beard brand to be the best.

00:43:45.400 So I use their beard wash.

00:43:47.320 It's like a beard shampoo essentially is what it is because the hairs in your beard are different

00:43:51.940 than the hairs on your head.

00:43:53.240 So I use beard wash and then I use, I use their beard oil, which I really like.

00:43:58.860 I like, uh, I think it's called lumber yard tree ranger and old money are the, the fragrances

00:44:04.120 I like, but I started using their, um, their, I think that, I think it's called a utility

00:44:09.840 balm, but it's basically like a beard oil, but it's hardened.

00:44:12.400 And so you just rub it in the palms of your hand and then it turns more into an oil and

00:44:16.240 put that through this luscious main of mine.

00:44:19.940 So it's beard wash, the beard oil.

00:44:21.920 And then I have their beard comb is awesome.

00:44:25.520 And their boar boar's hair beard brush is excellent.

00:44:29.300 Those are the only four products I use.

00:44:31.640 So we, we all know that you make it a point to say, Hey guys, I'm not the expert here.

00:44:36.280 However, for this question, I'm the expert in beard growing rides the expert.

00:44:42.140 So listen up.

00:44:43.040 There's a lot of good stuff out there.

00:44:44.340 I'm telling you, there's a lot of good stuff out there and you can find stuff cheaper than

00:44:47.320 beard brand.

00:44:47.880 No doubt you can.

00:44:49.100 And somebody said, well, why would I pay this much money for beard brand?

00:44:52.240 Cause you want your beard to look good.

00:44:54.280 Yeah.

00:44:54.600 If you want to look good, you do the, you do the best and that's the best.

00:44:58.200 So you probably hate running cause you get so much drag.

00:45:02.720 Uh, you know, slow you down.

00:45:05.060 You know, it's funny is people ask me all the time.

00:45:07.860 This is going to, this is going to be fun.

00:45:09.120 Okay.

00:45:09.260 People ask me all the time about, does your beard get hot, especially in some, oh, does

00:45:13.800 it get hot?

00:45:14.400 I'm like, no, it's like, it's like an air conditioner.

00:45:17.040 It's like a swamp cooler.

00:45:18.360 It gets a little sweaty and then the breeze blows through it and cools me off.

00:45:22.340 So my beard is built in air conditioning.

00:45:25.700 As far as running goes, yeah, maybe, but I look a whole lot better running than if I

00:45:31.120 didn't have the beard.

00:45:32.200 So it's a trade-off, you know, it's the price of beauty.

00:45:34.160 The values of a beard by Ryan Mickler, the next book.

00:45:40.240 There's actually a really good book.

00:45:41.620 What is it called?

00:45:42.360 It's called of B I'm going to give you so many book suggestions today of B I think it's

00:45:45.960 called of beards and men.

00:45:47.500 I thought it was going to be like a comical look at beards.

00:45:50.140 It's not, it's like a very in-depth.

00:45:52.440 No, it's good.

00:45:53.320 It's a very in-depth analysis of beard usage and growth over time and history and why men

00:46:03.360 have beards and what it signifies and the research behind how people view beards.

00:46:08.400 There was a study I just found.

00:46:09.660 In fact, my wife found it and she, she cut it out of an article and on the side of the

00:46:13.780 article, she put, no wonder I can't keep my hands off of you.

00:46:16.960 And it's been proven, it's been proven that through, through surveys and whatever they're

00:46:23.760 doing, uh, that men with beards are generally more attractive than men who don't have beards.

00:46:30.980 That's awesome.

00:46:33.640 So there you go.

00:46:34.980 There you go.

00:46:35.720 Straight from the source.

00:46:37.200 What else we got?

00:46:38.840 Duffy Miller.

00:46:39.940 Do you have any negative reactions from clients or colleagues over growing a longer beard?

00:46:45.380 That's funny.

00:46:46.200 People are fascinated with the beard today.

00:46:48.680 Yeah.

00:46:49.520 No.

00:46:50.980 Well, okay.

00:46:51.600 No, let me back.

00:46:52.760 Let me back.

00:46:53.180 People, people hate me for all kinds of different reasons.

00:46:58.280 One of them is my beard.

00:47:00.000 Some people just, they think, I don't know what, whatever they think they're like, Oh,

00:47:03.200 I can't get past your beard.

00:47:04.180 Oh, your beard.

00:47:04.620 You're overcompensating.

00:47:05.600 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:47:06.500 I don't care.

00:47:07.480 Whatever.

00:47:07.900 If you don't like a beard.

00:47:08.680 Cool.

00:47:09.400 Do I think it makes you more of a man?

00:47:11.020 No.

00:47:11.320 I think there's plenty of guys that I've met who I would place the top of what it means

00:47:16.740 to be a man who choose not to have beards or can't grow a beard.

00:47:19.160 And it's just not an issue.

00:47:21.040 All right.

00:47:21.320 It's not a deal.

00:47:22.220 Okay.

00:47:23.600 Um, I remember in the financial planning practice, when I started growing a beard, I had a couple

00:47:28.420 of clients, just a couple that I can think of right off hand who flat out came out and

00:47:33.360 told me, they're like, I don't like your beard, but I like you.

00:47:36.640 I'm like, cool.

00:47:37.480 That's fine.

00:47:38.440 I, what I want to say is when people say, I don't like your beard.

00:47:40.820 I want to say, I don't like your face either.

00:47:42.680 So it's cool.

00:47:44.820 But I haven't said that yet.

00:47:46.020 I'm going to find a time to say that.

00:47:48.100 Uh, yeah.

00:47:49.220 And then in order of man, I mean, most people, nobody cares very, you know, very few people

00:47:54.240 do.

00:47:54.700 And every once in a while, I'll say your beard's stupid or you're overcompensating.

00:47:58.800 Okay, cool guy.

00:48:00.780 Let's move on.

00:48:02.860 Trolls.

00:48:03.300 Yeah.

00:48:04.500 People that like, that's what you, that's what you want to worry about.

00:48:07.900 Like what, what if some of these people spent half as much time criticizing me and other

00:48:12.240 people as, as they do just working on their own lives.

00:48:17.460 They wouldn't have time to criticize anybody.

00:48:19.380 Like, I can't think of a person who I've disagreed with or haven't liked where I'm like, like,

00:48:24.380 I feel the need to take time out of my day to say, I don't like you, Kip.

00:48:29.800 You said a word wrong.

00:48:32.740 Or you, your ears look gross.

00:48:34.900 Your haircut is bad.

00:48:37.440 And now you're not a good person.

00:48:39.480 So weird, man.

00:48:40.940 People are jacked up.

00:48:42.500 Anyways, what else we got?

00:48:44.200 All right.

00:48:44.660 Drew has a non beard question.

00:48:46.400 Drew Hubbard might be a little late on this post.

00:48:49.520 Nonetheless, since we have, since we are men trying to strive to protect, provide, and

00:48:55.060 preside, what do you think would be the equivalent for a woman in terms of women?

00:49:00.120 I'm interested in dating and looking for a woman that is striving to grow and better herself

00:49:04.360 as well.

00:49:04.920 So he's looking for some guidance.

00:49:07.020 He needs, he needs the three Ps in a woman.

00:49:09.440 I know I've actually got this question asked a lot.

00:49:11.680 And when people ask it, I think about it for about a half an hour and then I forget about

00:49:15.200 it.

00:49:15.380 So I haven't really articulated what it would be for a woman, uh, right off the cuff.

00:49:20.680 I would definitely say nurture.

00:49:23.000 I think nurture is a huge, huge component of what it means to be a woman.

00:49:29.180 I think a woman is more capable of doing that than a man, generally speaking.

00:49:32.960 Okay.

00:49:33.580 Yeah.

00:49:34.040 Um, I also think support and I know when people hear that, and maybe that's not the right

00:49:38.900 word because I know when, when people hear that, they're going to think that that's

00:49:41.880 a subservient or a lower position.

00:49:44.880 That's not what I'm saying at all.

00:49:46.460 I'm just saying like a woman is very supportive.

00:49:50.460 She, she provides the things that maybe we can't provide on her own.

00:49:55.100 And that support is necessary for both of us to win.

00:49:58.660 So nurture support.

00:50:01.040 I don't know if love is in there or, or kindness or compassion or empathy, but those are the types

00:50:09.420 of things that I think about.

00:50:10.380 Um, but I, I think I do need to come up with something that would articulate that a little

00:50:15.080 bit more clearly.

00:50:15.700 And maybe, maybe some women can share that with me and their insights, uh, as far as in

00:50:20.000 terms of women, I'm interested in dating and looking for, for me, independence to me, that

00:50:25.580 is huge.

00:50:26.400 If, if I, I, I just was, when I was dating, I was just not interested in a woman who was

00:50:32.780 like so dependent on me, it's draining, it's physically and mentally exhausting.

00:50:39.680 And my wife is so independent.

00:50:42.520 I'm independent.

00:50:43.540 She could do life on her own.

00:50:44.920 I could do life on my own.

00:50:46.160 And because we can both do that, we're better together.

00:50:49.720 So I look for somebody who's kind, who's beautiful physically, mentally, emotionally, inside,

00:50:55.700 outside.

00:50:56.560 Uh, I would look for somebody who is independent, uh, when there's red flags.

00:51:01.460 Look, here's the thing about red flags.

00:51:04.180 If she's exhibiting red flags now, while she's actually trying to impress you, imagine how hard

00:51:12.260 and difficult and magnified those red flags are going to become after she's already won

00:51:18.340 you over.

00:51:19.900 I know so many guys because their wives or, or their, their significant other girlfriend

00:51:25.640 or whatever is, is attractive or the sex is good, or she's got a nice body or whatever

00:51:32.420 that are like, Oh, forget about the red flags, dude.

00:51:35.860 You're an idiot.

00:51:37.140 You can find someone just as beautiful that doesn't have the emotional and mental baggage,

00:51:42.260 don't burden and weigh yourself down with that.

00:51:44.520 It is a recipe for misery.

00:51:47.780 You know that Kip.

00:51:48.960 I know that we see that every single day inside of the order man, Facebook group inside of

00:51:54.080 iron council.

00:51:54.660 And every time I talk about what to look for in a woman, number one is do not avoid or

00:52:00.060 overlook the red flags that you see address them early, address them often, and no one

00:52:05.040 to walk away when you see the things that will never be improved.

00:52:08.720 Yeah.

00:52:09.160 Those red flags end up being like sirens and even still, and still, and still there's guys

00:52:17.060 in the Facebook group who are like, Oh, my girlfriend cheated on me four times.

00:52:21.400 And like, but I really love her.

00:52:22.980 I'm like, dude, love is not the only qualifier for a healthy relationship.

00:52:27.260 She doesn't respect you, brother.

00:52:29.080 I'm sorry.

00:52:30.980 And that sucks, but she doesn't respect you.

00:52:34.400 Get out while you can and consider yourself lucky that she cheated on you before you decided

00:52:39.660 to fully commit to her.

00:52:40.740 That's a blessing.

00:52:43.440 Totally.

00:52:44.260 What else?

00:52:45.260 Oh, Ben Jammin.

00:52:47.020 I like that name.

00:52:48.000 Ben Jammin.

00:52:48.980 Ben.

00:52:49.280 I think it's, I think Benjamin.

00:52:52.420 I don't think Jammin's his last name.

00:52:54.520 I think it's Benjamin, but he just goes by Ben Jammin.

00:52:57.860 You think it's a nickname?

00:52:59.140 Clarify Ben.

00:53:00.060 Ben, come on, man.

00:53:01.640 All right.

00:53:02.420 Jammin.

00:53:03.180 Any chance of an origin order of man gi?

00:53:07.040 And then what's the ETA on the order of man?

00:53:10.180 The rash guard should already be, you should already have the rash guards.

00:53:13.060 Those have been shipped, sent.

00:53:15.020 If you don't have it already, let me know.

00:53:16.880 Cause there's something wrong, but you should already have that.

00:53:18.600 And if you have them, we're expecting, I still think we, we asked this already.

00:53:22.460 We expect Facebook photos, pictures in common scenarios with the rash guard on, you know,

00:53:29.460 like Walmart photos with the, uh, tactical fanny pack.

00:53:33.180 That's right.

00:53:33.860 And socks with, and socks with sandals.

00:53:37.020 Although.

00:53:37.920 And Ranger panties.

00:53:39.520 Ranger panties.

00:53:40.980 Yes.

00:53:41.720 Please.

00:53:42.320 Somebody do that.

00:53:43.120 An order of man rash guard with a tactical fanny pack, Ranger panties, and white socks

00:53:49.500 with sandals on.

00:53:50.900 Tube socks.

00:53:51.120 I got something special for you if you do that.

00:53:53.400 And if the socks have stripes on them, even better.

00:53:56.740 Bonus.

00:53:57.860 There you go, guys.

00:53:59.360 Get it going.

00:54:00.180 All right.

00:54:00.500 Order of man gi.

00:54:02.600 Maybe.

00:54:03.240 I mean, Pete's a good friend of mine.

00:54:04.440 Pete with Origin.

00:54:05.400 You guys know we partnered up with Origin.

00:54:07.260 They're doing awesome things.

00:54:08.240 They really are.

00:54:08.880 Um, Kip, you and I have talked about getting some patches done, which we're working on

00:54:13.380 so that we can sew those on geese.

00:54:15.480 Uh, but maybe I need to talk with Pete and get him going on that.

00:54:19.880 That would actually be really, really cool.

00:54:22.100 It would be cool.

00:54:23.100 So we'll see what we can do.

00:54:24.740 I don't have a definitive answer, but we'll see what we can do.

00:54:26.520 By the way, guys, Origin, if you're using their products, whether that's Jocko's Malk or

00:54:30.840 their supplements or their geese or their rash guards or anything that they have, make

00:54:35.000 sure when you check out over there that you use the code order.

00:54:38.300 O-R-D-E-R.

00:54:39.900 And you'll get 10% off on, on anything, whatever you purchase 10% off if you use order at checkout.

00:54:46.020 So just got to throw that plug in there for you guys.

00:54:47.800 That'll help.

00:54:47.960 And it's not just like jujitsu gi.

00:54:49.980 Like they have life lifestyle products, like sweaters, t-shirts, all that kind of jazz.

00:54:54.160 They got some cool new shorts.

00:54:55.280 Like they're, they're doing really good.

00:54:56.660 They're going to blow up.

00:54:57.400 I'm telling you, they're going to blow up.

00:54:58.580 I know Pete fairly well and Brian Littlefield as well.

00:55:00.720 And I'm just telling you, just in having conversations with them, touring their factories,

00:55:05.080 knowing what they're doing, knowing their goals and aspirations.

00:55:07.440 They are going to blow up.

00:55:08.880 They're going to be a, they're going to be a household name.

00:55:11.900 No doubt.

00:55:12.360 There's no doubt that they're going to be a household name, just like Under Armour or Nike.

00:55:17.360 And what's cool about it too is, and we were talking about this earlier about purpose,

00:55:21.100 right?

00:55:22.400 Is, is Pete's purpose at origin to make money and make geese?

00:55:26.340 No, dude, there's a bigger purpose there.

00:55:28.680 Yep.

00:55:28.920 Right.

00:55:29.620 Like he, he is using the platform of that company to provide value and purpose, right?

00:55:36.080 A hundred percent, a hundred percent.

00:55:38.160 All right.

00:55:38.600 Danny Dolan, the importance and benefits of having hobbies with your spouse or significant

00:55:44.300 other, and also separately was talking with a friend about this recently.

00:55:48.700 Uh, the importance of hobbies with your spouse and separately, both you need both.

00:55:53.200 Yeah, both.

00:55:53.840 So I think, I think, well, we already addressed having hobbies separately, so that's already

00:55:58.720 been taken care of the hobbies with your spouse.

00:56:01.340 Yeah, man.

00:56:02.080 You got to have activities to do that.

00:56:03.460 You engage in, like you can't sit around and like hold hands and stare into each other's

00:56:06.880 eyes for all day, every day.

00:56:09.640 So what are you going to do instead?

00:56:11.020 I don't know.

00:56:11.440 Maybe you guys like to read.

00:56:12.440 Maybe you like to, to hunt together.

00:56:14.940 Maybe you like to scrapbook, like Kip and his wife.

00:56:17.280 Maybe you like to, I don't know.

00:56:19.600 I don't know what you guys like to do, but yeah, have an activity that engages you guys

00:56:24.340 together.

00:56:24.700 I think that's fun.

00:56:25.720 Um, some nights my wife and I will just sit down and we'll watch a movie and we'll do

00:56:29.980 a puzzle together, but yeah, you should have a hobby with your, with your spouse.

00:56:34.240 I think that's important.

00:56:35.240 And sometimes to be frank, I mean, it may not be a hobby, but you may have to suck it up

00:56:40.220 a little bit, man, and man up and do some stuff that you may not want to do.

00:56:44.440 You know what I mean?

00:56:45.100 That she really wants you to do, you know, I don't know if I recommend that.

00:56:52.360 That's how I justify doing, uh, uh, a musical Broadway play and dancing.

00:56:58.500 So, yeah.

00:56:59.260 Okay.

00:56:59.560 So you know what?

00:57:00.320 I actually, so we have two, a con amphitheater down here in Southern Utah.

00:57:03.660 I actually like the plays, man.

00:57:05.300 I like, I like going to musicals.

00:57:07.440 I like plays.

00:57:08.080 That's one of the things I actually enjoy that a lot of people may not think about me right

00:57:12.400 on the surface.

00:57:13.000 After that singing and you enjoying plays, they're probably expecting you to try out

00:57:19.440 for a community theater.

00:57:20.840 Wait, I'm doing a little tricks.

00:57:22.280 Got a few tricks up my sleeve.

00:57:23.620 Just you wait.

00:57:25.000 Order of man musical.

00:57:27.060 Could you imagine?

00:57:29.060 That would be awesome.

00:57:31.140 I am intrigued at that thought.

00:57:33.880 We could come up with something incredible.

00:57:36.680 And it'd probably be really, really funny.

00:57:39.200 We could make it really funny.

00:57:40.640 Well, yeah, obviously.

00:57:42.420 Of course.

00:57:43.540 All right.

00:57:45.280 Alphabet.

00:57:46.820 Arshin de armritz.

00:57:50.220 Armritz.

00:57:50.920 Armritz.

00:57:51.500 Sure.

00:57:52.560 Do men want other men to confide in like a best friend?

00:57:57.680 Do men want other men to confide in?

00:58:00.380 I guess he's asking from a general perspective.

00:58:03.120 Do men look for that?

00:58:03.920 Um, I don't really like, well, I guess I don't like the word like confide in because that sounds

00:58:11.540 maybe more along the lines of like really being emotionally vulnerable.

00:58:14.560 And I, and I don't think men generally are after that.

00:58:18.380 Like I would never kit, for example, you and I are friends.

00:58:21.300 I would never go to you as like a shoulder to cry on because now would I go to you for some

00:58:29.180 guidance?

00:58:29.620 Of course.

00:58:31.180 Would I, would I go to you if I, if I wanted some accountability in my life?

00:58:34.680 Yeah, absolutely.

00:58:36.700 But I wouldn't like confide in you my deepest, darkest secrets and, and be quote unquote

00:58:41.820 vulnerable.

00:58:42.720 And like, I don't think men are looking for that.

00:58:46.940 I think what we're looking for more than confiding in each other is knowing that the

00:58:51.880 guy standing next to you is a warrior, just like you are.

00:58:55.360 And I'm not talking about a warrior in, in the physical battle sense, but I'm talking

00:58:59.860 about somebody who's engaged in his own battles and fighting them and has the tools and the

00:59:04.320 skills and the resources.

00:59:05.480 Maybe there's something that together that you guys want to embark upon and you want to

00:59:11.120 tackle a physical challenge or something that's mentally tough.

00:59:14.260 I think guys are more interested in that than they are.

00:59:17.620 Hey, tell me about your feelings.

00:59:20.080 How are you doing today?

00:59:21.420 Are you okay?

00:59:22.360 No, I don't think guys are interested in that.

00:59:24.360 No, some might be.

00:59:26.600 And if you are find another guy that is, but generally speaking, I think, and, and it's

00:59:31.580 actually been shown that men operate better when we're working against something or towards

00:59:37.700 something shoulder to shoulder, not face to face.

00:59:41.600 Yeah.

00:59:42.440 Would you agree with that or disagree?

00:59:44.680 Um, I totally agree.

00:59:46.020 A good friend of mine lost a family member recently.

00:59:49.440 And, and the, the funny part was it's, I guess it's not funny.

00:59:53.660 The funny, the interesting thing was, is we talked about like, Hey, you need to get away.

01:00:00.080 And our thought process was, let's go backpacking.

01:00:02.660 Right.

01:00:02.780 Let's go back.

01:00:03.340 Let's go hunt.

01:00:03.940 Let's go hike.

01:00:04.980 Yeah.

01:00:05.240 Let's go hike a peak.

01:00:06.220 Let's, you know, that's our way of venting or confiding, right?

01:00:10.300 Is to go do something rugged together.

01:00:12.340 We may talk a little bit and have conversation, but, but it's about pushing through.

01:00:17.400 Yeah.

01:00:17.600 Right.

01:00:17.760 It's about taking action and, and evolving.

01:00:21.040 You actually talked about this a couple of weeks ago.

01:00:23.260 You had a buddy that was maybe not a, not tackling life as, as well as you could have

01:00:26.960 or should have or whatever.

01:00:27.680 And you guys went and rolled together and you're like, push harder, harder, harder.

01:00:30.640 And you guys actually fought it out.

01:00:32.660 Yeah.

01:00:33.620 That's, that's how guys operate.

01:00:35.160 And it's funny because when people ask questions like this, it, it almost, and this goes back

01:00:40.060 to the feminist thing we were talking about earlier.

01:00:41.520 Cause women look outside and they're like, Oh, you guys aren't, you guys aren't vulnerable

01:00:44.900 with each other.

01:00:46.240 You guys don't love each other.

01:00:47.820 What are you talking about?

01:00:49.180 I just took the dude on a hike.

01:00:51.340 Like we just went and spent three days together in the wilderness.

01:00:55.500 I don't, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, you know, like hold his hand and cry on his shoulder

01:01:00.100 and, and hug it out with him.

01:01:02.160 But that doesn't mean that there's, it's not an appropriate reaction or the way that

01:01:06.160 men behave around other men, just because women don't understand it doesn't make it wrong.

01:01:11.260 And just because we don't understand the way women tend to gravitate towards one another,

01:01:15.860 make that wrong.

01:01:17.040 It's just, we're different.

01:01:18.540 Obviously that doesn't even, it shouldn't even need to be said, but it needs to apparently.

01:01:24.360 So yeah.

01:01:26.180 So if you want a guy to confide in, we'll find a guy that wants to confide in you, but don't

01:01:31.100 feel obligated to do that because somebody said that you're supposed to confide in or

01:01:35.760 be vulnerable with other guys.

01:01:37.420 That's stupid.

01:01:39.280 Arshad, just be, be prepared to hear advice.

01:01:43.420 Right.

01:01:44.180 Yeah.

01:01:44.600 That's a given.

01:01:45.580 If you go back to another guy, guaranteed the, the, it's not going to be, oh, yeah,

01:01:50.260 it's really, you know, it's going to be, so what are you going to do about it?

01:01:52.920 Right.

01:01:53.460 What's next?

01:01:54.620 Right.

01:01:55.300 Like when people tell me like, what's wrong, I'm like, well, that sucks, man.

01:01:58.400 So what next?

01:01:59.180 It's always funny.

01:02:01.240 Like I'll get home from hanging out with the guys and Trish is like, how's, how's this

01:02:04.940 guy's kids?

01:02:05.720 And like, what's going on at work?

01:02:07.080 I'm like, I don't know.

01:02:09.600 Well, what's like, is he doing anything new?

01:02:12.380 Is he like, does he have any problems?

01:02:13.980 I'm like, I don't know.

01:02:16.320 We just golfed.

01:02:18.400 He, he, he, he played a pretty good round of golf.

01:02:23.040 That's what we want to do.

01:02:24.020 Oh, and he beat me and I pay, and I had to pay him 10 bucks because we, we went, you

01:02:28.580 know, he, he beat me on more holes.

01:02:30.800 Really?

01:02:31.180 You guys didn't even talk.

01:02:32.080 No, we talked about what?

01:02:33.800 About golf.

01:02:35.700 Yeah.

01:02:36.360 It's just, I laugh because my wife does the same thing.

01:02:39.020 You didn't even ask.

01:02:40.260 Yeah.

01:02:40.580 Right.

01:02:40.980 I'm like, no, it just didn't come up.

01:02:42.720 Yeah.

01:02:43.260 Yeah.

01:02:44.040 That's funny.

01:02:44.980 All right.

01:02:45.240 Let's do a couple more, man.

01:02:46.520 A couple more.

01:02:47.080 Okay.

01:02:47.400 Derek Scott Plummer.

01:02:48.500 I'm new to Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

01:02:50.880 I've been doing it for a couple months now.

01:02:52.480 A couple of weeks ago, I sustained a toe injury that made it really difficult to walk.

01:02:56.640 And as such, I haven't gone to my class since it happened.

01:02:59.300 What are some things I can do when dealing with an injury, either work, other workouts

01:03:03.320 or drills that can keep my BJJ progression moving forward?

01:03:06.880 Tape it up and keep going.

01:03:08.060 It's a toe.

01:03:08.760 You don't need a toe.

01:03:11.260 Well, I, you know, look when people, when people, I'm not the guide.

01:03:15.280 I always feel weird.

01:03:16.160 People ask us about Jiu Jitsu.

01:03:17.420 I'm like, I should just shut up.

01:03:18.680 I don't know anything about Jiu Jitsu.

01:03:20.120 Kip, what do you think?

01:03:22.080 Well, I would agree.

01:03:23.420 Well, it was funny because he said, it's been really difficult to walk.

01:03:27.500 Well, good thing Jiu Jitsu, you're sitting on your butt.

01:03:30.220 You're not walking most of the time.

01:03:31.460 Go to your garden.

01:03:32.740 It's perfect.

01:03:34.100 Yeah.

01:03:34.400 I'll tape that sucker up and keep training.

01:03:37.040 I wouldn't stop training.

01:03:38.500 Here's a perfect example.

01:03:39.620 One of my professors, Johnny Carlquist, he had knee surgery.

01:03:43.760 Uh, and he put on what we call the taco, the giant taco.

01:03:49.100 He'd wrap both of his legs together in a pad.

01:03:52.680 What?

01:03:53.760 Yep.

01:03:54.340 Like a tight pad, like a burrito, right?

01:03:57.560 Burrito legs.

01:03:58.240 And, and he would keep training.

01:04:00.780 That's awesome.

01:04:01.780 He never stopped training.

01:04:03.080 That is awesome.

01:04:04.060 And it was great because what did he learn?

01:04:05.880 How to use, how not to use his legs.

01:04:08.260 Yeah, exactly.

01:04:09.220 How to defend the guard without having to use my legs.

01:04:11.860 Right.

01:04:12.120 Like there's so many things like my shoulder hurts really bad recently.

01:04:16.720 Well, guess what?

01:04:17.540 I'm using my legs a lot more.

01:04:18.920 Yeah.

01:04:19.180 I'm protecting my left side a lot more.

01:04:20.920 Yeah.

01:04:21.080 I don't think, I mean, you can be careful.

01:04:23.400 Yeah.

01:04:23.580 You may not want to go a hundred percent or point out to your training partner, like,

01:04:27.440 Hey, this right toe is a little jack.

01:04:29.040 So don't attack my right foot.

01:04:30.440 But beyond that, for the toe lock.

01:04:32.960 Yeah.

01:04:33.640 Toe fold.

01:04:34.660 Toe fold.

01:04:35.260 That's what it is.

01:04:35.840 Yeah.

01:04:36.260 Yeah.

01:04:36.920 Toe lock.

01:04:39.400 I'm just joking.

01:04:40.240 No, you know, it's, um, so when I was out at, at, well, both of us were out there at,

01:04:45.220 uh, origins immersion camp and dude, that was hard.

01:04:49.680 I mean, I was out there for seven days and it, and jujitsu what daily, four, five, six

01:04:56.120 hours every single day.

01:04:57.540 Like my elbows were destroyed and my right one was hurting really bad.

01:05:02.180 And I just kept rolling.

01:05:02.980 I'm like, Hey, like, just don't just take it easy on this arm.

01:05:06.320 And they were, everybody's good.

01:05:07.860 It's, it's not competition.

01:05:09.440 Now in a competition it is, but when you're rolling, it's, it's collaboration, it's

01:05:13.580 cooperation.

01:05:14.160 It's not competition.

01:05:15.340 They want to help you get better.

01:05:16.640 They want you to help them get better.

01:05:18.200 So you cooperate with them, one another people that work with you.

01:05:21.640 Yeah, for sure.

01:05:23.040 So Matthew Hawk, he has a question about jujitsu.

01:05:25.920 Uh, he says, well, hold on.

01:05:28.000 He also says, so I would definitely appreciate Kip's insight.

01:05:32.540 Like I don't have any insight to share about jujitsu.

01:05:35.460 So I'll just be quiet.

01:05:37.240 Go ahead.

01:05:37.540 I'll just mute my mic.

01:05:38.500 Go ahead.

01:05:40.200 Matthew, you made him mad.

01:05:44.400 Proceed Kip.

01:05:45.380 I was going to skip that part.

01:05:46.780 No, it's good.

01:05:48.240 I'm a white, I'm a white belt practicing less than a year.

01:05:51.200 My class is small.

01:05:52.300 And because of my height, six one, I ended up partnered with guys a few inches taller who

01:05:56.860 outweigh me.

01:05:57.700 Good.

01:05:57.900 The answer is good.

01:05:58.780 Sorry.

01:05:59.320 The answer is good.

01:06:00.740 Totally.

01:06:01.140 At first I avoid rolling with, uh, with him, but then tried being grateful.

01:06:06.080 I mean, I really am lucky to have this opportunity to practice against someone so big.

01:06:10.220 My concern is low grade injuries that I might sustain.

01:06:13.840 So far, nothing lasting more than a few days to a week, but I don't want to end up sidelined

01:06:18.860 advice.

01:06:19.780 He's not, he's not asking me, he's asking you.

01:06:27.000 Um, I, I first I can relate.

01:06:30.180 Uh, I used to do this.

01:06:31.660 I used to actually avoid the big guys.

01:06:34.340 Uh, I'm the same way I'm six one.

01:06:36.320 Um, and if we get paired off, I immediately got thrown with the big guys.

01:06:40.560 Um, and I hated it.

01:06:42.400 Some of those guys I hated rolling with are now my favorite training partners.

01:06:47.400 So the way I see it is twofold.

01:06:49.320 One, now I usually train with the big guys or the guys I don't want to train with.

01:06:54.220 I actually call them out and I train with them first because that's part of my way of

01:06:58.960 practicing grit.

01:06:59.860 I don't want to do it.

01:07:01.760 I'm concerned.

01:07:02.820 I'm a little nervous.

01:07:03.980 I don't want to get hurt.

01:07:04.940 Okay, let's train anyway, right?

01:07:07.220 So it's, it's part of me just pushing through and not listening to that voice, right?

01:07:11.880 That's, that's my fear or whatever.

01:07:14.840 The second part to this is this is a great opportunity to practice training in a way where

01:07:23.300 you have to worry about getting injured, right?

01:07:26.520 Like on the streets, jujitsu on the streets and jujitsu in the gym are just so drastically

01:07:31.860 different, right?

01:07:32.800 We can't afford a punch.

01:07:34.120 We can't afford an elbow to the head.

01:07:36.200 Like it's a different story.

01:07:38.340 Play that game with them.

01:07:40.700 Manage distance.

01:07:41.940 Make sure they can't crush you.

01:07:43.680 Make sure to protect your ribs, flexing your core constantly, especially if they're on top.

01:07:48.680 So you don't like pop a rib.

01:07:49.860 Like I just changed the game and the game is no longer maybe offense for you.

01:07:54.740 Maybe the game is don't get hurt.

01:07:57.440 Don't survive and don't get hurt.

01:07:59.660 So just change the game around.

01:08:01.340 And it's a, it's a great opportunity for you to learn that other aspect.

01:08:05.660 One of we train with some guys that are our fighters.

01:08:08.140 And one of the, my favorite things to do is when they're training for an MMA fight, we train with

01:08:15.100 four ounce gloves and we start striking.

01:08:17.200 So it's jujitsu.

01:08:18.580 We don't stand up.

01:08:19.660 We're doing jujitsu, but we include striking.

01:08:21.960 It is so insightful.

01:08:24.300 There's this game that opens up and I'm like, oh my gosh, like this move that I constantly

01:08:29.480 do all the time.

01:08:30.220 Guess what?

01:08:30.660 It doesn't work when the guy can punch me in the face.

01:08:33.940 Right.

01:08:34.500 And so I, it's no different with big guys.

01:08:36.400 It's an opportunity to learn a different game and to evolve.

01:08:39.600 So go after it, man.

01:08:41.020 I would seek it out.

01:08:42.860 Be the guy that doesn't cow to them.

01:08:44.940 Be the guy that asks them to train.

01:08:48.180 How's that?

01:08:48.880 I think it's awesome, man.

01:08:49.640 I mean, what that thing we were talking about earlier, when I went with Matthew, you know,

01:08:53.160 he had 50, 60 pounds on me.

01:08:56.140 I knew I wasn't going to win, but my goal, my, my win was survive.

01:09:02.540 Yeah.

01:09:03.040 Don't get tapped or whatever.

01:09:04.540 Right.

01:09:04.800 And I did, I survived and it was really close, like really, really close, but I survived.

01:09:10.400 So I won according to my standard, cause I'm trying to improve who I am.

01:09:13.900 Not necessarily always beat somebody else.

01:09:16.220 Let's do one more.

01:09:17.140 I got to run really quick cause I got another interview I've got to do, but let's do one

01:09:20.320 more.

01:09:21.080 Cause I think this next question is, is, is a good one.

01:09:24.480 And then we'll, we'll call it a day.

01:09:26.340 The problem of answering the question is I wasn't prepped for the next question.

01:09:31.320 So here we go.

01:09:32.220 Jamie Snyder.

01:09:32.980 If ever there was a question I'd like to answer, uh, I'd like the answer to why does

01:09:39.560 it matter of what people think of you?

01:09:42.040 I mean, we hear, no, no, no, what he says, what do you, let me, let me clarify.

01:09:45.480 Yeah.

01:09:45.620 Why does it not matter of what people think of you?

01:09:49.280 Yeah.

01:09:49.540 Yeah.

01:09:49.740 Yeah.

01:09:49.960 There's a lot of meaning to that.

01:09:51.500 No, that's what he said.

01:09:53.380 No, but it's yeah.

01:09:55.200 Copy.

01:09:55.900 So I mean, we hear this shit all the time, often telling our children, it doesn't matter

01:09:59.640 what people think of you.

01:10:00.700 I just can't buy that.

01:10:01.980 Not without more substance than it's not your business or just doesn't.

01:10:06.560 I think there are plenty of evidence to support the fact that really does matter.

01:10:10.560 If it really did not matter, how would we keep friends, find a spouse?

01:10:15.220 Their opinion surely matters as does our employers.

01:10:18.780 All of these opinions of the individual seem to matter a great deal.

01:10:22.120 I'd like to know why it's popular to enforce such unsubstantial truth.

01:10:29.120 It's popular because it's catchy and it's badass.

01:10:33.360 Guys will say zero F's given alpha.

01:10:37.740 I'm an alpha male.

01:10:39.000 I don't give a shit what you think about me.

01:10:42.080 How tough does that sound?

01:10:44.140 That sounded good, right?

01:10:45.440 That sounded good.

01:10:45.960 But it's an incomplete thought.

01:10:47.820 In fact, it's not even true because if you didn't want people to think something of

01:10:53.640 you, you wouldn't have even said it in the first place because you would have been oblivious

01:10:59.180 for lack of a better term to it.

01:11:00.760 If you didn't care about, for example, when it comes to style, about the way that you looked,

01:11:05.120 you'd run around naked all day because it's significantly more comfortable to be naked

01:11:09.540 than to put clothes on.

01:11:10.340 So when guys say, I don't care what anybody thinks about me, I think they're trying to

01:11:17.320 prove it to themselves more than anybody else.

01:11:19.460 Now, that being said, there are certain people that you shouldn't care what they think about

01:11:25.240 you because A, it's not relevant or B, maybe they're a toxic individual that doesn't get

01:11:32.200 a say in your life.

01:11:33.420 But there's other people who you should worry about.

01:11:39.100 There's guests that I've had on the podcast who I admire and I respect and I hold in

01:11:43.380 significantly high regard.

01:11:45.040 And because I respect them and I honor their commitment and who they are as a human being,

01:11:52.380 Kip, that includes you, then I value your opinion.

01:11:56.100 I value what you have to say.

01:11:58.220 I value who you are.

01:11:59.260 And because of that, I show up differently.

01:12:00.980 I show up a better version of myself for you than maybe somebody else who I don't care

01:12:05.900 about.

01:12:06.960 So yes, there are people who you should not care what they think about you.

01:12:12.220 And there are people who you should care about what they think about you, but you have to

01:12:16.980 determine what that is.

01:12:18.440 So the line is figuring out whose opinion matters and who doesn't.

01:12:23.280 Some do, some don't.

01:12:25.040 But this zero Fs thing, alpha male crap.

01:12:29.500 No, it's, it's, it's weak.

01:12:32.580 It, it, to me, it's, it's more like a virtue signaling issue than it is the reality of which

01:12:38.600 they operate.

01:12:39.920 Yeah.

01:12:40.400 And I mean, and maybe there's a little bit of truth in the sense of letting the perceptions

01:12:48.340 of others drive your actions versus having them be based on values, right?

01:12:52.780 Like we can, there's a lot of clarity here.

01:12:55.360 I think I would assume Ryan that, you know, you shouldn't, you should care, but in the same

01:13:01.060 token, you know, our values and our purpose and, and kind of what we're going after in

01:13:05.460 life should be our driving factor, right?

01:13:07.980 You should know what you want and then use other people's opinions and ideas.

01:13:12.740 If they're credible to help you get what it is you've identified as being important.

01:13:16.960 Yeah.

01:13:17.840 But no, I don't, I don't buy the whole thing of like, of, I don't care about, look, the

01:13:22.700 people that I don't care about, I don't even acknowledge because they're not on my radar.

01:13:26.440 I don't go blasting around saying, I don't care about you.

01:13:28.980 And I don't care about you.

01:13:29.940 And I don't care about you.

01:13:31.000 I don't even know who they are because they're not on my radar.

01:13:35.640 Totally.

01:13:36.380 So, yeah.

01:13:37.760 And for the people that you do care, then, then we have the opportunity to own it.

01:13:42.940 Right.

01:13:43.400 And I show those individuals respect and I go out of my way to help those people and I

01:13:48.940 support them and I uplift them.

01:13:50.900 And I comment on their posts and I call them on their birthdays and I show up more fully

01:13:57.180 and more present and more engaged in the conversations that I have with these individuals because

01:14:00.940 I care about them and I care what they think about me.

01:14:05.460 Totally.

01:14:06.280 Cool, man.

01:14:06.860 Let's call it a day.

01:14:07.480 Thanks.

01:14:07.940 Thanks for the question, Jamie.

01:14:08.980 That was a good one.

01:14:09.600 That was a good one.

01:14:10.140 It's important because it's one that doesn't get discussed a whole lot.

01:14:13.360 Cool.

01:14:13.660 All right, let's wrap up.

01:14:15.160 So, guys, is it safe to assume that everyone that is listening to this is already subscribed

01:14:22.040 to the podcast?

01:14:22.860 I find it surprising.

01:14:24.500 That's crazy.

01:14:25.340 No, because I'll tell you over the past, let's just say seven days or so, I have received

01:14:29.700 so many messages on Instagram of all places from men who have sent me messages that have

01:14:35.760 said, hey, I just found your podcast.

01:14:37.840 I just listened to the first podcast and now I just listened to 20 of them.

01:14:41.740 I'm telling you, like, like guys are finding this more and more and more.

01:14:45.160 Every single day.

01:14:46.680 It's incredible.

01:14:48.840 I mean, we're nearly seven figures in downloads a month.

01:14:56.060 And that sounds like a ton.

01:14:57.500 And it is.

01:14:57.980 Don't get me wrong.

01:14:58.440 It's a ton.

01:14:59.600 But there's going to come a point in time where we're 2 million, 5 million, 10 million

01:15:04.320 downloads a month.

01:15:06.680 So, there's people.

01:15:07.760 There's hundreds of millions of men who haven't found what we're doing yet and are not subscribed

01:15:12.280 to this podcast.

01:15:12.940 Guys, you got to subscribe and share.

01:15:16.540 Share the message.

01:15:17.620 I mean, this is, this isn't about, I feel very confident when I can say that this isn't

01:15:22.760 about uplifting Brian or Ryan doesn't, there's purpose to this, right?

01:15:27.400 And if you guys are bought into that purpose of men leveling up and becoming better men,

01:15:33.440 share the message.

01:15:34.640 Give someone else the opportunity to hear what is said, especially on these interview

01:15:40.060 episodes that Ryan does with, with these New York Times bestsellers and all these other

01:15:44.360 amazing people.

01:15:45.480 And then invite them over to the Facebook group, uh, facebook.com forward slash groups

01:15:51.560 forward slash order of man, and let them start having a conversation and, and see that such

01:15:56.980 a culture of being around men that are focused on becoming better in every area of their life

01:16:03.640 that exists.

01:16:04.900 Like, I don't think it exists for most guys.

01:16:07.260 We, we, it is not normal and it is refreshing to be part of this community, whether it be

01:16:13.140 on Facebook or even those 1% guys, you know, within the iron council that are, are willing

01:16:19.180 to step up even more so, um, and get on the court if you want to use that term.

01:16:23.860 So yeah, guys share the opportunity.

01:16:26.220 Uh, you can connect with Ryan at Instagram or on Instagram at Ryan Mickler.

01:16:31.060 And he's also on Twitter at order of man.

01:16:34.100 And then remember we have the patron account.

01:16:36.740 You could join Ryan's mom.

01:16:38.720 Uh, yeah.

01:16:39.520 Ryan's mom, his wife, her parents and his in-laws and everybody else and created an account.

01:16:46.760 I'm just joking.

01:16:47.340 It's growing.

01:16:48.100 We have, we have a handful of, of patron members.

01:16:51.300 That's patrion.com forward slash order of man.

01:16:54.660 Excellent.

01:16:55.620 Cool.

01:16:56.100 We get it handled.

01:16:57.360 Yeah, I think so.

01:16:58.260 Looks like we've got a few more questions in the queue for next week.

01:17:00.600 So we'll make sure we address those as well.

01:17:03.280 Guys, as always appreciate the questions, appreciate the support.

01:17:06.720 I say it every week.

01:17:07.500 We need more men in this fight, in this battle.

01:17:09.380 And I've had people question me on that terminology, but you know what?

01:17:12.020 It is, it is a fight.

01:17:13.440 It is a battle.

01:17:14.160 It's that serious to me.

01:17:16.000 Uh, it's a battle in our marriages.

01:17:17.260 It's a battle in our communities.

01:17:18.380 It's a battle with our kids.

01:17:19.560 If we're not looking at it with, with that level of seriousness, I don't think

01:17:23.840 we're living quite capable, quite as capable, I should say, as, as we can be.

01:17:29.320 So go out there, engage in that battle, invite other men to join us in this battle and ultimately

01:17:35.420 become the man you are meant to be.

01:17:37.440 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:17:40.460 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:17:44.460 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

01:17:47.600 We invite you to join our敷 manner.

01:17:55.120 So, just leave.

01:17:57.260 We'll see you next time.

01:17:57.420 Bye.

01:17:58.580 Bye.

01:17:59.160 Bye.

01:18:00.400 Bye.

01:18:05.000 Bye.

01:18:06.800 Bye.

01:18:07.080 Bye.

01:18:08.640 Bye.

01:18:10.700 Bye.

01:18:11.340 Bye.

01:18:12.160 Bye.

01:18:13.420 Bye.

01:18:14.040 Bye.

01:18:14.280 Bye.

01:18:15.100 Bye.

01:18:16.080 Bye.

Order of Man - October 10, 2018

Making Amends for Past Wrongdoings, Should You Care What People Think of You, and the Importance of Friends ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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