Manipulative Media, The Power of the Human Spirit, and Affording Yourself Some Grace ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 6 minutes
Words per Minute
182.09073
Summary
In this episode, the brother and sister duo of the sit down and talk about what it's like to be a man. Kip talks about his struggles with anxiety and depression and how he overcame them.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:06.000
When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.460
You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.
00:00:15.500
This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
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At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:00:24.920
Kip, what's up, brother? So great to see you. It sounds like you've got...
00:00:27.780
Do you have the whole week off? Are you going to take the whole week off?
00:00:30.580
I'm going to take the whole week off. If you count me going to another house and working on it as they can off.
00:00:38.340
I'll take it off from work, right? From paid work. You're still going to work. It's just not paid anymore.
00:00:47.720
Oh, man. Yeah. I've never built a house, but I can imagine the physical and mental anguish that comes with that has got to be exhausting and overwhelming.
00:00:57.780
Well, and you start putting weight on things. It sounds like a great idea to have... Let me think through this really quick one, too.
00:01:07.700
It sounds like a great idea to have six bathrooms in a house until...
00:01:14.900
And then you're like, oh my gosh, buying six toilets.
00:01:18.320
And I got vanities to do this weekend. I mean, it's... I don't know.
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You're like, we don't need six toilets. One toilet makes a lot of sense, right? Like no one's shitting all at the same time. I don't know what the big deal is.
00:01:37.560
I was thinking about that over the weekend because I actually rent a place right now.
00:01:44.060
And when I moved back to Utah, I was thinking about moving into one of those homes.
00:01:47.960
But the rent's so good. I've got tenants that have been there forever. They're great tenants.
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I'm like, why would I cut off that income stream? Somebody else pay my mortgage off.
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And I found a really nice place to rent. And utilities are included. Internet's included.
00:02:06.340
If something goes out, like the heater a couple of months ago went out.
00:02:09.840
I called the guy up. I'm like, hey, the heater's out.
00:02:11.600
He's like, cool. I'll send somebody over. Somebody else came over.
00:02:16.060
And my oldest son this weekend was asking. He said, dad, are you still looking for places?
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And I said, it's nice to own your own home, but it just comes with extra stuff.
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And then you've got my daughter who's like, dad, let's get a dog and let's do this and do that.
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I'm like, I don't really want to do any of that.
00:02:41.800
And I think maybe you're coming to the same realization here.
00:02:44.580
I want less. I want less stuff. I want less junk.
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I just want less so I can focus really heavy on the things that actually are important to me.
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Not cleaning, you know, six bathrooms of a house that'll be at 10% of my time.
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It sounds like a complete old man thing to say, right?
00:03:13.740
But you know what? Don't for a second think, Kip, that I'm not going to come up and partake of your six bathrooms.
00:03:19.320
I'll find yours. I'll find your bathroom and leave a little surprise, a little present in there for you.
00:03:24.640
Yeah. Let's clarify simplicity on what you deal with, complexity and taking advantage of others.
00:03:31.800
It's like owning a boat. You don't want to own a boat. You want friends who own boats.
00:03:46.020
You know, I couldn't get you to come up to Delta for a while, but now you're like, wait, six bathrooms, boat?
00:03:57.940
If they are, you know, I'm a little bougie when it comes to that.
00:04:00.400
Yeah. They're not heated, but they are elevated costs. So they're, they sit higher. So they're the, you know, they're a little bit more expensive. So you don't have to bend over as far. Yeah.
00:04:13.360
Well, I don't know. Squatty potty or anything. I mean, yeah, I'll throw a squatty potty in there for you.
00:04:19.800
There you go. All right. This conversation went downhill fast.
00:04:24.240
First world problems, by the way, every guy's listening is like, dude, I'm dealing with some real crap.
00:04:28.720
And these guys are complaining about, you know, second homes and everything. So, hey, we get it. We've been there too.
00:04:34.780
I'm not, I'm not complaining. I'm really happy you have a second home. I love it.
00:04:40.200
All right, man. Well, well, actually, you know, that's a good point. Look, we don't need to compare woes, but also, you know, take, take your situation. You've got this home you're building. You're in the financial position to do it.
00:04:51.420
And I think a lot of men will naturally just discount it like, oh, wouldn't it be nice? Or man, I wish I could do that. Well, you can. And to your credit, Kip, you've built a life over decades of being in the position where you can have six bathrooms in a place.
00:05:09.700
And you can take some time off of work to go build a place. And like, you've, you've built that. So.
00:05:21.880
So don't, don't, I just, I get really frustrated sometimes when I hear guys who complain about other people being successful because what it ends up doing is it discounts their ability to be successful, right?
00:05:37.400
Because, oh, if it was just luck or I wish I could have it or, oh, this guy's an idiot. He just took advantage of people. These are all things you hear regularly.
00:05:43.420
Then the ball's out of your court and there's nothing you can do about it in your own life.
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So the lesson here is not, oh, Kip's an asshole because he's got another home and he's complaining about six bathrooms.
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The lesson is what in the world is Kip doing that he's got a place where he can have these bathrooms and have the lake and have the boat and go on the vacation for the week.
00:06:05.900
That's what we should be focused on in the message. So I, I think it's important we throw that out there.
00:06:10.600
Sure. Yeah, I agreed. That way I don't get harassed by a bunch of people. So thanks for no, no, keep harassing them. No, still harass them. Yeah, no, keep doing that.
00:06:19.680
But just in your own life, think about how it can apply positively.
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Check. All right. Headlines. Let's get to headlines. I think you're leading us off today.
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I'm leading us off. So I heard something over last week, got me all riled up.
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And then this morning, as I was going over the details of it, because I don't want to just have a strong opinion off of a headline.
00:06:44.520
I read the details and what comes to find out that the headline that got me so riled up is not 100% completely accurate.
00:06:53.740
And thus, that's kind of my takeaway that like, man, got to be slow, got to be slow to jump to conclusions.
00:07:02.040
There's always a little bit more detail of the things. And we got to think critically.
00:07:08.620
The headline, just so so everyone can relate to it, was really around Hawaii. Right.
00:07:14.840
So Hawaii court says the spirit of aloha supersedes the Constitution and the Second Amendment.
00:07:20.220
Now, at first glance, when you hear that, what do you assume?
00:07:26.080
Yeah, I mean, it's you don't nobody likes that. A red blooded American doesn't doesn't like that for sure.
00:07:32.560
Yeah, that is. Oh, they got rid of the Second Amendment in Hawaii.
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That's what you would assume that absolutely Second Amendment is demolished in Hawaii.
00:07:41.120
And I was like, no way. As I jump into it, they're really talking about state laws around, you know, constitutional carry versus licenses and carrying in public and and kind of some of the details that a lot of states are already like have differences around already.
00:07:58.120
Now, we could talk about the pros and cons of constitutional carry or whether states or should not.
00:08:06.940
But regardless, I think my key takeaway was like, man, a little bit slow to anger.
00:08:12.100
Look at the details, look at the details, critically think it's not as click baitish or black and white as Fox or CNN or any other news outlet would want media to believe and get me all pissed off and ready to share and, you know, spit anger.
00:08:30.720
And that was kind of my takeaway is like, man, a little bit, a little bit slower to play some judgment, do some critical thinking.
00:08:37.060
Yeah, that's so powerful. I can't tell you how many times I've put my foot in my mouth because I've made a whole post on Instagram about some title.
00:08:47.140
And then the guy's like, did you read it? I'm like, maybe I should do that.
00:08:49.640
And I go read it. I'm like, oh, yeah, that one back.
00:08:52.900
There was this there was this article or not even an article, just just a just a story, a new story.
00:09:02.740
Not too long ago, this transgender person who got in a fight and ended up going to the hospital and she died.
00:09:12.820
And that was the headline. Transgender girl or boy or whatever.
00:09:16.740
I don't really know all the details. Ends up dying after getting bullied in the bathroom at the school.
00:09:22.780
So that was what everybody ran with. And that's what people see.
00:09:25.340
Well, it comes to it comes to come to find out it was this transgender person started the fight, was actually suicidal and ended up dying, not because of the fight.
00:09:38.700
She was actually fine after the fight. She went to the hospital because she overdosed on pills and she died.
00:09:44.560
So it was manipulated to fit this narrative. And we don't need to necessarily talk about it right now, what the narrative is.
00:09:51.940
The point is, we're being lied to all the time, either through omission or downright lying and deceit.
00:09:59.440
So we got to be, to your point, very, very careful of adopting a headline and assuming that this is the entire story.
00:10:08.140
Totally. When we lived in New York, I lived in the financial district of New York.
00:10:12.800
And I can't remember, it was a friend or a family member reached out and says, oh, I cannot believe about that whole synagogue thing.
00:10:20.040
And I'm not sure if you remember this, but it was this Muslim church opens the synagogue across the street from the 9-11 memorial, right?
00:10:29.660
And you're like, no way, right? And I remember thinking like, that's insane.
00:10:36.480
And so I went out of my way one day and thought, hey, where's this synagogue? I'm going to go look at it.
00:10:42.800
It's like four blocks away and it's a prayer room in a recreational-like community center.
00:10:54.280
Right? And I was like, freaking news, marketing.
00:11:01.860
People, like, we are being, to your point, we are being lied to so often and it's ridiculous.
00:11:18.240
It just gets me so frustrated that we buy into it, too, and that we're pawns of it.
00:11:32.460
Because it requires me to look up a bunch of stuff and, you know, and so, and it fits my narrative, right?
00:11:38.960
So, when I see some stupid state going against the Second Amendment, I want to just get riled up and say, oh, see, validation and not necessarily true or a little bit more complex than that.
00:11:53.220
Well, and I'm learning to, yeah, just like you said, just be a little bit more critical but also staying in my own lane.
00:12:01.100
Now, I normally wouldn't subscribe to that, so let me give you some context.
00:12:04.720
When I say stay in your lane, any lane can be yours.
00:12:07.140
That's the beauty of living in this country in the most free and prosperous time we ever have.
00:12:12.000
You can pick a lane, you can decide that lane's yours, and tomorrow you can pick a new lane and decide that one's yours.
00:12:17.120
What I'm saying about staying in your lane, and I'm not great at this but I am learning, is that unless you're going to actually do some research and dive into it, best probably just to keep your mouth shut.
00:12:27.700
That's what I mean about staying in your lane because I've done it so often where I'll blurt something based on some misinformation that I got from some news outlet or some podcast or whatever, and I did no research on it, and then I ended up sticking my foot in my mouth and creating more problems than good.
00:12:44.940
So, if you are going to do that, I would suggest that you spend a little time researching it.
00:12:50.760
If you're not, then maybe talk about something else.
00:13:05.180
And I remember pausing going, how will Jocko answer this?
00:13:09.520
And he so eloquently responded with things like, I'm not close enough to it to have all the necessary details to have a strong opinion.
00:13:31.080
So, on that news, let me, or on that, well, I'm going to stick my foot in my mouth, I'm sure.
00:13:33.900
So, let's just go ahead and do that and get that out of the way.
00:13:41.540
I was listening to something the other day, and I pulled up, I've got a couple of resources here.
00:13:46.180
So, I'm actually looking at it right here in front of me.
00:13:52.640
I believe that they already had these laws in place.
00:13:55.700
But the thing that really stood out to me was this new element of these hate crime.
00:14:02.680
They call it the Hate Crime and Public Order Act.
00:14:06.060
But it says here, quote, they're creating a new offense of, and I'm quoting here now,
00:14:13.120
threatening or abusive behavior which is intended to stir up hatred on the grounds of age, disability, religion,
00:14:18.960
sexual orientation, transgender identity, and variations of sex characteristics.
00:14:26.740
I think once you start, and I will say this with a bit of a disclaimer, I don't know Scotland's and the UK's rules about freedom of speech and all of that.
00:14:36.400
So, we have to remember this is a different country than the US.
00:14:39.740
But it's also important to recognize what's happening throughout the world because I think this is trending,
00:14:47.460
In fact, I have an example of things like this happening in the US.
00:14:52.300
So, look, if you're deliberately and intentionally stirring up violence towards another person, that's illegal here in the United States.
00:15:01.980
But if you have an opinion that isn't popular, or you hate a subgroup of people, or whatever it may be, I believe you should have the right to say it.
00:15:11.600
We need to be able to have these conversations.
00:15:14.400
And rather than litigating and creating laws that limit free speech, we ought to combat free speech with speech.
00:15:25.000
Where we actually talk about these ideas and talk about why those aren't good ideas.
00:15:29.520
But the minute you start manipulating, coercing, strong-arming people into what they can say and think is the minute we have a huge, huge problem.
00:15:47.540
And there's going to be a lot of conservative people who probably don't agree with me on this.
00:15:54.880
This is an executive order from Governor Abbott regarding all higher education institutions in Texas review their free speech policies to establish appropriate punishments for anti-Semitic rhetoric on college and university campuses.
00:16:15.500
Now, look, I don't agree with anti-Semitic thoughts and rhetoric.
00:16:21.620
I don't even think it's a good thing at all, of course.
00:16:24.740
But again, you have a governor who's coming in and telling people they can't think or speak freely.
00:16:33.800
I don't agree with what they're saying, this anti-Semitic rhetoric.
00:16:37.280
But unless they're calling for violence or action against a certain group of people, then I believe we have every right to say what we want to say.
00:16:45.140
And again, the minute and look, I'm only sharing that I'm part of the reason I'm sharing this is because it's on both sides of the aisle.
00:16:58.360
And in fact, in this case, this is a more of a conservative principle.
00:17:01.780
But the fact that he's taking this executive order and saying that all of these policies need to be reviewed and establish appropriate punishments for anti-Semitic rhetoric.
00:17:14.760
Punish people for words they don't like or agree with.
00:17:21.160
That is a dangerous, dangerous precedent and goes exactly against the founding principles of this country.
00:17:41.220
But the principle is those individuals have a right through our constitution to say that.
00:17:46.660
And then we should combat that with speech, not laws.
00:17:50.840
Because I know there's a, what do they call it, a fallacy, a logical fallacy of slippery slope.
00:18:08.000
I can't help but see the correlation with social media, censoring information.
00:18:12.380
And it's funny when you think about social media, censoring information, we were young enough to be, we're the generation that grew up without the internet.
00:18:26.660
So we're kind of this unique generation that the younger kids won't ever, they don't know when it started.
00:18:32.480
And we kind of lived on the cusp of that transition.
00:18:36.660
But it's funny how often I remember this when I was younger, that stupidity and, and they wouldn't use the word stupidity, but like the thing that needed to be fixed in the world is educating people, making information available.
00:18:53.720
And, and, and, and through that process, we had, you know, help the poor and everything is about access to information.
00:19:08.300
And now that there's this trend of, well, we need to remove the information.
00:19:11.680
Now, if they happen to see something, they can't think for themselves.
00:19:15.460
So we, we gotta, we gotta vet things because they're too stupid.
00:19:19.680
And if they see that information, you know, we gotta control them.
00:19:24.100
The spirit of reducing and controlling information is in the spirit of not believing in humans.
00:19:31.500
It is in the spirit of thinking they are less than, and whoever's in control is greater than and knows better than.
00:19:48.480
We need to believe in humans that they're fully capable because it's through that process that they'll learn and grow.
00:19:57.720
Very, very dangerous precedents to get started.
00:20:00.320
Yeah, and look, to your point, I only believe there's, there's really only two types of people in this world.
00:20:06.860
And it's those who believe in the power of individuals and humans and those who don't.
00:20:15.960
I need to rescue them because they can't do it for themselves.
00:20:18.720
They don't believe in the power of the human spirit.
00:20:22.540
They don't believe in you as an individual and they think they know better than you.
00:20:27.220
And, you know, unfortunately, there are some situations where people don't know any better and they don't have the education.
00:20:35.400
We need to get those people the information, education, and resources.
00:20:38.320
But for the most part, and 100% of the part, I think, in this country.
00:20:44.140
Now, look, depending on your immutable characteristics, depending on your background and history and parents and all these sorts of things, that may be harder for some people than others.
00:20:56.600
And the human spirit is pretty incredible when it's unleashed, not restrained.
00:21:04.420
So we have a handful of questions from Instagram.
00:21:08.360
And then we'll jump over to the foundry from the Iron Council.
00:21:16.280
And, of course, you could see why I love this question because there's some meat in this.
00:21:19.880
In a relationship, dating for about a year, with many small issues that never seem to get resolved regardless of effort and conversation.
00:21:35.860
I'd suggest you get married as soon as possible and start having babies together.
00:21:45.800
Look, benefit of the doubt, or let's look at this a different way.
00:21:52.540
Because sometimes we'll say, oh, we've tried everything and they don't get resolved.
00:21:55.580
And then you start to dig a little deeper and you really haven't tried everything.
00:21:59.580
But if you're a year into a relationship and there's many small problems that don't ever get resolved, this is not going to work.
00:22:07.900
I don't see a universe in which this relationship works for the long haul.
00:22:10.920
Now, what I end up seeing, what I see happening, if I can predict the future here a little bit, is you overlooking all those red flags.
00:22:18.360
You deciding that you're going to marry her, not because you necessarily think she's the one, but because you don't think you can do any better and you have no self-respect.
00:22:26.040
And then you're going to start popping out kids.
00:22:28.500
And then you're going to have a separation and or a divorce.
00:22:31.620
And you're going to have to abandon those two kids to some degree because you guys are no longer together.
00:22:40.220
Look, if you can't, dating is to figure out if this is somebody I can be with long term.
00:22:46.920
And if you're having many small issues, trust me, this is going to sound bad.
00:22:52.200
You guys are in the honeymoon phase of your relationship.
00:22:58.000
Wait till you guys are on your worst behavior after three years of marriage.
00:23:06.460
I knew all you would get fired up on that question.
00:23:13.720
So if all those small issues aren't things that you could totally like you totally are in love with her and you and it's not a big deal and you're good rolling forward and you don't need her to change.
00:23:28.420
But man, if you're holding on to stuff and you're like, yeah, I got to deal with this or we got to resolve, dude, probability is they're not changing.
00:23:35.540
They're not going away and they're only getting amplified with more stress of life, such as children and debt and other things that might show up.
00:23:42.260
If you can't do it when it's easy, it's not going to get any easier when it's hard.
00:23:46.920
I hate to say that because I believe in relationships and I believe in marriage and the power of long-term committed relationships.
00:23:54.260
So I hate to say that, but I think that's the reality.
00:23:59.160
Don't go into it hoping and waiting that things are going to get better.
00:24:03.680
All right, DM Creary 97, he wants to know your full hunting setup and lessons learned while starting your journey, your hunting journey, your full setup.
00:24:18.300
I mean, if I'm rifle hunting, it's typically my Ruger American 308 and I use Origin Camo.
00:24:36.340
My bow, that's probably more accurate on his setup.
00:24:40.540
I have a Hoyt and what I have is not like I'm not a gear person.
00:24:56.120
I mean, I use, yeah, I use the Hoyt RX3, I think is what I have or one.
00:25:10.960
I'm not trying to be dismissive of the question.
00:25:13.160
I just, I don't, I don't like the details are not good for me.
00:25:33.040
I have a mechanical broadheads, rage broadheads is what I use.
00:25:38.100
Um, and that's, that's the extent of my two setups.
00:25:47.320
I just, I'm not like, I don't, I don't geek out on this.
00:25:53.460
Really just your lessons learned while starting your honey.
00:25:58.760
Like just being, being around other good people, meeting really cool people, forging deep bonds
00:26:05.320
One thing it's really helped me with is managed disappointment and expectations.
00:26:09.400
I, when I started hunting, I had big expectations of like, I'm going to go out in the woods and
00:26:14.360
I'm going to shoot this animal and it's going to die right there.
00:26:16.660
And then I'm going to throw it on my shoulders and carry it back to camp.
00:26:19.860
And all the guys are going to cheer for me and all the women are going to, you know,
00:26:23.240
take their shirts off because of my glorious, you know, uh, return triumphant from my hunt.
00:26:28.100
And it just didn't really work like that, you know?
00:26:31.260
So, uh, yeah, I think it was more like you go out there and you're cold and you're bored
00:26:40.080
and you're miserable and you don't see anything.
00:26:42.380
And then when you finally do, you make a bad shot on it because you're all nervous.
00:26:45.740
And then you got to track it for three hours and then maybe you'll find it.
00:26:49.120
Maybe you won't, like, it's just, and then you bring it back and nobody cares, you know?
00:26:54.780
So it's just, it's just managing the expectation.
00:26:59.700
And so anymore, when I go hunt, it's, it's to enjoy the experiences, just to be there with
00:27:04.560
good people, to be present, to enjoy the stillness of sitting in a cold stand, um, or spot and
00:27:11.480
stock, uh, you know, to hopefully bring back an animal, um, to cook and prepare and share
00:27:21.360
That's all what I want, but I'm okay with that not working out.
00:27:26.540
And then also, you know, you do make bad shots and it is hard in a lot of ways.
00:27:30.680
And so you got to forge through those because there's certain moments that just all come
00:27:39.440
So those are some of the reasons that, that I like hunting.
00:27:43.300
Also, I'm maybe just a little bit sick when it comes to that and be willing to put myself
00:27:46.980
through that much discomfort and pain and boredom, but I do enjoy it.
00:27:55.120
Max Naren, what's the best advice that you can give a man after seeing his ex and having
00:28:05.980
Uh, let me just make sure I clarify awkward conversation with the ex.
00:28:11.680
Seeing the ex and having an awkward interaction.
00:28:18.380
I mean, I think that's just par for the course.
00:28:27.020
Maybe you have, uh, maybe you saw her with a new guy or, or she saw you with a new woman.
00:28:32.200
Like that's going to be awkward and uncomfortable.
00:28:34.780
I think just realize that that's the nature of it.
00:28:37.280
And I'm not too far into my divorce, you know, a couple, couple of years almost at this point.
00:28:44.740
Um, but I imagine it'll just get better over time, you know, and it's, there used to be
00:28:51.360
more of a visceral reaction when we'd see each other and that isn't there.
00:28:56.680
It's, it's, it's more towards indifference now, not totally, but moving that direction.
00:29:01.600
And I think there probably comes a point in time and Kip, you can, you can maybe speak
00:29:05.400
on this where it's just, it's no longer weird because it's just was so long ago, a different
00:29:16.060
But one thing I would say is don't make it awkward.
00:29:20.380
You know, even if you're hurting inside, maybe you're seeing her with a new guy and
00:29:24.340
you guys are out on, on dinner and you see her with her new guy and you bump into each
00:29:28.040
You don't have to show that just cause you're feeling it.
00:29:32.720
So a simple, Hey, you know, it's good to see you, even if maybe it's not, or, Hey, I'm
00:29:37.820
glad you're doing well, even though maybe you're not really feeling that.
00:29:40.500
Um, or like, Hey, you know, like, like good luck with everything.
00:29:45.600
Like you could make it awkward or not, even if you're feeling uncomfortable.
00:29:50.080
And I think that's probably the best way to play it is just play it cool.
00:29:59.980
Um, it just seems like the better way to do it, especially if there's kids involved.
00:30:05.080
Cause why make, why make it unnecessarily uncomfortable, especially like a set of kids are involved.
00:30:11.420
The one thing that you said that I really appreciate is it's normal.
00:30:21.740
I remember the first time that, that I saw my ex and I knew she was with someone, man,
00:30:34.980
But to your point in different now, it almost feels like it's the story I read.
00:30:42.900
It wasn't even my life, you know, and it's, it's not even a thing weird.
00:30:50.320
It's almost like some other story or a dream really.
00:30:55.780
But, but I, I think the key thing, don't make it wrong.
00:31:02.820
It makes sense that it would sting a little bit, that it hurt a little bit.
00:31:09.540
Cause the, otherwise then she's going to react to you being a punk and it's no good.
00:31:17.940
I would also say just be respectful too, right?
00:31:20.640
Like a lot of guys I know will try to get back at her or, you know, rub something in
00:31:28.460
And that's not even, that isn't even why you're doing the thing.
00:31:31.580
For example, if you're dating another woman, you don't need to rub that in her face.
00:31:35.800
Is that why you're dating the other woman to get back at your ex?
00:31:39.020
And in that case, you're not doing justice or fairness to the other woman either.
00:31:43.500
So don't rub things in her face, even if there's a lot of animosity or she's done it
00:31:48.360
to you, just be a better man, drive on with your life and, and get over it.
00:31:59.540
What are your methods of becoming more patient with others, with your children, with yourself?
00:32:04.860
The I'm most impatient when I'm stressed with too much on my plate.
00:32:12.040
And so the best thing I've ever done from a patient's perspective is give myself more
00:32:20.060
So if I'm, for example, if I want to cook dinner for my kids and we did last night, I
00:32:25.860
have this little uni, it's called uni, O-O-N-I.
00:32:42.140
If I didn't have the time to do that and I was stressed about making a phone call or
00:32:46.040
getting to an appointment or doing something else, that would have gone horribly.
00:32:51.120
But I didn't, you know, I was there and I could do it and I had the time and, and it was fine.
00:32:56.960
Everybody liked their pizza after the first, you know, half a dozen attempts or whatever
00:33:01.120
it was, but for me, it's just stretching out your, your time a little bit more and not
00:33:08.100
Cause I get stressed and then I get impatient and then I start rushing things and then I
00:33:11.600
make mistakes or I leave a wake of collateral damage with other people.
00:33:18.820
And we need to get Ryan in an easy bake when you get you a little easy bake oven.
00:33:35.020
It's old school, but everybody's nothing's easy.
00:33:37.820
Everything's way more complicated and complex than it needs to be.
00:33:41.100
And this goes back to what I was saying earlier.
00:33:43.400
It's like just minimize, reduce, get rid of, unclutter, that sort of thing.
00:33:48.140
Yeah, I totally agree with you on your response to that question.
00:33:55.580
And that's the, that's the other thing I'd add.
00:33:58.060
Let me add that one could be margin too much on your plate.
00:34:12.880
It doesn't matter like if I didn't work today, if I'm out of integrity, if there's an issue
00:34:18.860
that's not being addressed, I'm not taking action towards it.
00:34:22.480
I'm going to be a dick to everybody I run into.
00:34:25.400
So get on the path of addressing whatever needs to get addressed.
00:34:31.180
And I don't know about you, but I've had these experiences in my life where some of those
00:34:35.680
big stressors, I avoid them like they're going to go away or something, right?
00:34:40.720
They just like push it off, but it's lingering and it's just eating at you.
00:34:47.360
And the minute we take a little bit of action towards those things, I think we get empowered
00:34:56.060
We're taking on the ownership and we're not being a victim of it.
00:34:59.760
So whatever it is, start taking action towards addressing it, whether it's conflict in relationship
00:35:07.060
with a parent or a boss, the, the letter that you got from the IRS of how much taxes you owe
00:35:14.420
meet with the CPA, start dealing with it is personal, but it's like, I could ignore that
00:35:22.440
And that balance, or I can go, you know what, set up that appointment with the CPA, start
00:35:30.680
Otherwise it's not going to get, it's not, you're, you're, you're just perpetuating the
00:35:41.780
I think there's an element of procrastination there too, right?
00:35:44.260
Like, like last week on Friday, I was supposed to record an intro and outro for a podcast.
00:35:49.940
The one that was released yesterday with Josh and broom as of the release of this podcast.
00:35:57.140
I can do it on Saturday, which I'm not going to, I know I'm not going to do it on Saturday
00:36:08.160
And I've got like 15 minutes before you and I are to jump on a call.
00:36:11.780
So when you said, Hey, one minute, I'm like, Oh, sweet.
00:36:16.020
But yeah, I just procrastinated, you know, and that's, but also to your point, I know that my
00:36:34.560
I don't even have to get it finished, but I know I've been productive and I know everything's
00:36:45.920
I can spend time with my kids or my girlfriend and her daughter.
00:36:48.840
Like I can do those things and be fully present because I know I got everything else done
00:36:54.020
Like it's when I don't and I slack and I dink off and I dink around that I get frustrated
00:37:00.280
at night or, you know, or, or, or I lose my patience with my kids.
00:37:06.260
It's because I didn't do what I needed to do throughout the day.
00:37:11.000
So you had a couple of questions on, on the gram around recovery, right?
00:37:24.960
August 1st of, uh, it wasn't last, no, not last year.
00:37:35.480
Cause I vividly remember this and struggle with.
00:37:38.600
So it wasn't last year, it was the year before that.
00:37:41.420
So what's that a year, year and a half at this point.
00:37:50.120
But I did track for 90 days and I had a calendar three, I printed out three months of calendars
00:37:55.940
and I would literally put an X on each one of those for 90 days.
00:37:59.100
But I don't do that now, but a year and a half, things are good.
00:38:03.520
Um, enthusiasm for the work we're doing here, reconnecting with my kids.
00:38:07.040
Of course, the connection with my girlfriend, I, there's so many positives.
00:38:11.300
I won't say I don't have down days or hard days, um, that I would like to drink if I'm
00:38:23.360
Some days I'm like, shit, maybe I should start.
00:38:26.940
I mean, for me, it's just sit in it a little bit, uh, and just realize it's part of, part
00:38:35.720
I made a post in, in, in the iron council about some things I'm personally dealing with.
00:38:39.580
It wasn't awesome, but I feel I went to bed on time.
00:38:46.600
So I'm realizing that there's better ways to, I don't want to say cope because cope makes
00:38:53.720
it sound like you're just pushing it aside, but manage and deal with hard days and hard
00:39:00.640
We're going to jump over to the, the iron council questions.
00:39:04.240
So James Gifford, what would you say to a man who hasn't settled on rock bottom yet,
00:39:10.560
merely skipped off, but has continued practicing the behavior and mindsets that got in there
00:39:17.220
Well, the, the, as the adage goes, the way, the way to climb out of the hole is to first
00:39:24.560
So you say you haven't reached rock bottom yet, but rock bottom is just arbitrary unless
00:39:33.900
What's my rock bottom is different Kip than your rock bottom.
00:39:38.920
And the reason I bring that up is because you're saying you're not at rock bottom, but what if
00:39:49.760
Then you're at the bottom of the hole because it's only uphill from here.
00:39:54.200
What you're doing is you're giving yourself permission to slip further.
00:39:57.800
Well, you know, my wife hasn't left me yet, but we're on the rocks.
00:40:02.100
My boss hasn't fired me yet, but he's disappointed in my performance.
00:40:07.020
My kids and I are still on speaking terms, but it really isn't going all that well.
00:40:14.880
And what are you going to decide is the bottom so that you can stop doing the things that
00:40:18.640
you need to stop doing now, there's a separate conversation.
00:40:22.220
How do you stop doing those things and start doing the right things?
00:40:25.700
I think a lot of it comes down to education and information.
00:40:29.100
I think a lot of it comes down to having the proper systems in place to ensure that you
00:40:34.580
I believe there's a powerful element of accountability with yourself and with other men.
00:40:40.160
And I believe there's hobbies, activities, friendships, things that you can do, experiences
00:40:48.100
So mindset, accountability, systems, brotherhood, hobbies, replacements.
00:40:55.500
A couple of great books, Atomic Habits by James Clear and The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.
00:41:02.640
But I think the bigger issue here is you're giving yourself a little bit more rope to hang
00:41:11.480
Decide that wherever you are right now, this is the bottom.
00:41:14.460
This is the worst it's going to get because I'm going to do something different now.
00:41:19.480
And James's question is kind of rooted in how do you bring that up to someone that hasn't
00:41:29.520
How does he have this conversation with someone?
00:41:47.300
And look, ultimately, just like I told you, James, when I misunderstood your question,
00:41:52.620
that person, whoever you're talking about, they need to decide when they hit rock bottom.
00:41:59.540
So I would really do a good job as best I could of articulating what will happen if they
00:42:10.440
And they need to make their own decision about how much worse they're going to get.
00:42:17.700
There's a really good scene in The Guardian with Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Costner.
00:42:23.240
And Ashton Kutcher is kind of being mentored by Kevin Costner.
00:42:29.800
And Kevin Costner says, you go to the first one and you save them and you go back for the second
00:42:34.340
and you swim as hard as you can and do as much as you can.
00:42:45.980
Kip, if you're going down a path with alcohol abuse, drug abuse, maybe stepping out on your
00:43:11.280
And then I'm going to let the chips fall where they may.
00:43:13.640
I cannot be vested in the decisions you're making.
00:43:22.460
All I can do is swim as hard as I can for as long as I can and let you decide what you're
00:43:29.120
This reminds me of a conversation I had with an employee last week.
00:43:36.480
Kind of up and down in regards to maybe performance and how he's showing up.
00:43:52.840
And whatever you do, whether it's here or somewhere else or whatever, let's address
00:44:06.040
Let's address it so you can show up powerfully and love whatever it is that you're doing.
00:44:10.580
And I think that same concept we could apply to many things, you know, and to be frank,
00:44:15.840
like I even, I feel a little bit like a hypocrite even saying it, but even like from a marriage
00:44:27.360
So we're, so we're not just compliant with it because that's not a powerful way of showing
00:44:38.960
Because I think James's question kind of alludes, you know, life has to fall apart.
00:44:43.920
And I love that what you said, the bottom is whenever we stop digging.
00:44:51.040
If we're compliant, you are, and you don't have to be, you can show up powerful.
00:44:57.920
So whatever it is, whether it's marriage, work, even friendships, are you compliant in
00:45:07.300
Or am I a powerful friend that's present and like contributes to our friendship?
00:45:13.960
If I'm not, then shit, you know, get off the pot and, and show up powerfully, whatever
00:45:20.200
And literally, as I say this, I'm thinking of all the areas of my life that I'm compliant.
00:45:30.000
Even if it's just going to the gym, all I got my reps, it's like, no, get a fucking good
00:45:39.880
If you're going to have a great conversation or a great relationship with a friend, do
00:45:45.220
When you stop being compliant, I think a lot of our holes that we're digging are in this
00:45:51.640
And that's just not a powerful way to show up in the world.
00:46:00.280
I mean, we're all, we're all a bit hypocritical at times, right?
00:46:07.060
It's a good reminder of what we need to do better in our lives.
00:46:10.040
You know, there was, there's something interesting I was, I was thinking about when we're talking
00:46:13.760
about a hole and a guy who's falling down a hole, you know, it's, it's not really
00:46:26.500
If I, if I, like, if you're going to go jump off a 40 foot diving board, you're not scared
00:46:43.120
So when you're making bad choices, you're falling, but you don't realize.
00:46:50.000
For example, when I was drinking heavy, I was impatient and I was irritable and I was
00:47:00.380
But you know, when I did, when she said she wanted a divorce, that's when I hit the bottom.
00:47:05.320
But I was falling the entire time, but I didn't register it as painful because I didn't see
00:47:14.040
Even though we might not be experiencing the pain of the decisions that we're making,
00:47:19.420
we're making the sudden stop at the end a whole lot worse.
00:47:26.540
When you're going to the gym every day and your diet is on lock and you're getting up
00:47:30.760
and you're meditating and you're journaling and you're doing all the things that you should
00:47:33.340
be doing, you probably won't see results right away.
00:47:36.340
But that doesn't mean you're not getting to the top.
00:47:40.500
You will get to the top and see the view, but you don't get to enjoy it till you're there.
00:47:44.620
And it's all that work that doesn't really feel like it's moving the needle that counts
00:47:54.760
John McDormand, what is the hardest quadrant to remain consistent in for you on the battle
00:48:00.840
What tactics can we deploy to shift out of that limiting mindset?
00:48:04.660
Yeah, so the tactics are, just to clarify for guys who may not, or the quadrants, I said
00:48:13.520
The quadrants are four areas of life that we focus on.
00:48:17.720
So calibration, connection, condition, contribution.
00:48:23.620
So calibration is mental, emotional, and spiritual health.
00:48:26.900
Connection is the relationships you have with people around you, personal and professional.
00:48:32.120
And then calibration is becoming a man of value, adding value, money, finances, developing
00:48:48.120
Because I realize when connections and relationships are good and bad, and I can change, I can do
00:48:53.880
I realize when I'm not, yeah, with my condition and physical health, like I can jump on the scale.
00:48:59.660
Yeah, you're a little heavier than you ought to be.
00:49:02.120
With giving back, contribution, being a man of value, I can look at bank accounts, for
00:49:05.780
example, or the type of value I'm adding into the world.
00:49:12.000
Physical, or mental, emotional, and spiritual health.
00:49:15.420
I can't tell you how often I've caught myself saying, oh, I don't need to do that.
00:49:30.280
But what's interesting and deliberate is that's the first quadrant.
00:49:37.640
Getting mentally, emotionally, and spiritually fit and sound.
00:49:42.960
And if you do that, and by the way, it's not sequential.
00:49:49.540
So if you start getting that stuff right, everything else becomes better.
00:49:52.980
If you do more conditioning to get your physical health in a better position, then the mental
00:49:57.980
and emotional side is going to spill over as well.
00:50:15.200
Force myself for a little margin to do after action reviews.
00:50:18.780
Force myself to be considerate of how I'm viewing the world and how other people view me.
00:50:29.440
I have to force myself to do those because I recognize how important they are in the grand
00:50:45.780
So Pramit, he says, while I understand confidence comes from competence, what are some strategies
00:51:09.300
I mean, I was frustrated, but I could have grabbed it and like thrown it at one of my kids
00:51:18.360
I actually took a picture and I sent it to my girlfriend.
00:51:20.640
I'm like, well, here's my first attempt in making pizza.
00:51:24.660
I think I'm doing something wrong because it's funny.
00:51:43.860
You know, maybe it's your first presentation you ever gave and you stumbled all over your
00:51:47.540
words and you're, you know, pits going on and it was just like horrible.
00:51:55.440
But just laugh and know that you're just doing it.
00:51:57.640
The other thing is if you're worried about how other people will perceive you, and most
00:52:09.340
So if you're going to go present in public and you're really worried about how others
00:52:12.580
will perceive you, then say that in your presentation.
00:52:21.740
So if I stumble over my words or there's a little shakiness in my voice, or it looks
00:52:26.760
like I have shower, shower heads under my armpits because I'm sweating.
00:52:34.580
And thank you for not throwing tomatoes at me while I talk to you.
00:52:47.160
Give yourself some grace and explain or own the fact that you're nervous or not comfortable
00:52:51.740
or feeling inadequate or whatever you might be experiencing.
00:52:56.260
I feel for me, this is letting go of the expectation that I should be good at something and getting
00:53:02.080
present to the idea that everything just takes reps.
00:53:08.780
Like, you could really have fun because there's no expectation.
00:53:15.520
Now, just sit with it and enjoy the moment and let go of the expectations of the way you
00:53:25.920
It can be, in fact, it sounds rejuvenating and exciting to be just green.
00:53:35.420
I mean, this one area that I see this a lot in Kip is jujitsu.
00:53:39.140
Like, how many times have we answered the question, hey, I'm going to my first jujitsu
00:53:48.180
You don't need any tips from me or anybody else.
00:53:53.060
You've already paid for a membership, it sounds like, or you're going for the, that's all
00:53:59.660
And then when somebody strangles you with their toes or whatever, then just laugh at it.
00:54:05.500
How can somebody be, I remember the first time I went and trained, there was this 140
00:54:13.400
And Ace was like, Hey, uh, we did some instruction.
00:54:17.280
He's like, Hey, you're going to roll with this guy.
00:54:20.840
And he's like, you're going to like fight with him.
00:54:29.500
And he's like, where it like hurts and you need to tell him to stop.
00:54:38.780
I strike pride myself on being fairly, fairly athletic.
00:54:45.420
And within 30 seconds, this kid had his scrawny little legs wrapped around my neck and arm choking
00:54:54.660
How does this guy who I've got 60 pounds on wrap his toothpick legs around my neck to
00:55:01.500
the point where I'm losing blood supply to my brain?
00:55:06.880
And I had to figure out what it was, but again, it's just let go of the expectations.
00:55:11.360
It's hilarious that that kid could do that to me.
00:55:14.440
I've rolled with women who I'm like, this woman.
00:55:18.980
And the minute I start rolling, oh shit, I got to step this up.
00:55:36.540
He has a long question here, but I'm going to just jump to the meat of it here.
00:55:40.620
What are some practical ideas or resources to move past the fear of losing security and
00:55:49.880
He feels like he can't step into being more sovereign because he has a security, this
00:55:58.540
So what are some tactics and ideas to let go of perceived security and be more sovereign?
00:56:08.500
This is not a real common answer in forums like this because a lot of self-help guys are
00:56:23.680
That's not what I see other people doing that actually do it right, but I think you could
00:56:29.360
So what does hedging look like when it comes to your occupation?
00:56:35.360
Now, today, if you don't have a thousand, fifteen hundred, two thousand dollars worth of
00:56:40.820
extra debt payments going out every month, don't you think it'd be easier to make a transition
00:56:46.100
Another thing that you could do is you could set aside a hundred dollars or a thousand
00:56:49.940
dollars a month or whatever you can do and build up 10, 20, 40, 50, a hundred thousand
00:56:55.920
Don't you think if you had a hundred thousand dollars in the bank account, you'd feel a
00:56:59.160
little safer going to another job or profession?
00:57:02.580
Another thing that you could do is you could start learning everything that you need to learn
00:57:06.220
about the business you might be going into now while somebody else is paying you to
00:57:11.040
Case in point, when I was in my financial planning practice, I worked for a firm and I
00:57:16.980
And while I continue to work for that firm, I did a lot of research on business building,
00:57:27.360
Now, I hadn't put it into practice, but I was well ahead of the curve beyond most entrepreneurs
00:57:32.400
because they start thinking about that when they start their business.
00:57:38.360
And I looked at it as somebody else training and paying me to start my business.
00:57:43.820
Another thing you can do is always build your network.
00:57:49.580
The more people you know, the more opportunities are going to be presented to you.
00:57:55.420
If for some reason, order a man went under or I decided today, I'm like, I'm done, cancel,
00:58:01.000
But within 24 hours, I'd have six to 10 great job opportunities lined up.
00:58:06.980
Not because I'm wonderful, just because I know people.
00:58:10.720
Because I spent the last decade of my life getting to know powerful, influential people.
00:58:16.220
And the natural inevitable outcome of that is opportunities that wouldn't be afforded to
00:58:24.500
Pay off debt, build savings, start learning what you need to learn now.
00:58:31.000
Before you make transitions and always build your network.
00:58:35.040
I'll add one thing to this because in fact, I was following someone on the gram and they
00:58:43.160
were talking about, you know, to feel empowered, you have to be an entrepreneur.
00:58:48.280
You have to be a business owner and it was to sell their course, right?
00:58:52.720
And I disagree and I disagree because, and it could be the truth for some people, but I
00:59:00.540
think the biggest mistake that we sometimes have is we go, well, I can't show up and be
00:59:09.900
And this is, this is why the messaging of Andy Frisillo is so strong, you know, this concept
00:59:18.000
Because you're that whether you work for someone or not, like, of course, be strong in the position
00:59:25.200
that you're in and, and thrive in it and don't be a victim of anybody and own it.
00:59:32.040
And it's a contract that you have with an employer.
00:59:35.960
Like, see it as that, not as like some cog or employee that's stuck in their, their
00:59:42.620
system, show up powerfully, even in the position that you're in.
00:59:47.480
So then that way, to your point, Ryan, you're gaining the experience, the knowledge and the
00:59:53.580
So you're making your calls whenever you want, whether you're working for yourself or whether
01:00:00.280
That's how we should be showing up in the world, period, not just if we're business owners.
01:00:06.180
That's how every employee should be showing up to show up powerfully.
01:00:12.460
I think the, the thing that really shifted for me as, as I've heard this concept is if
01:00:19.840
you are an employee, then your employer is your client.
01:00:26.340
If you're an entrepreneur, the client is the client.
01:00:28.820
If you're an employee, then your employer is the client.
01:00:34.880
If you're, let's say it's your first job, you're going to go flip burgers at Burger King
01:00:39.820
My, the, the people that coming to buy food, they weren't my clients.
01:00:45.680
My client was my boss who hired me and she hired me to do a very, very good job in a very
01:00:53.520
That was to take the burger and put it on the patty and put the mayonnaise and the ketchup
01:00:56.760
and the mustard and the pickles on, wrap it up and get it out.
01:00:59.700
And it was my job as her, as them being my client to do a phenomenal job on that.
01:01:07.840
And at any point I could decide, I no longer want you to be my client.
01:01:11.200
I'm going to go to McDonald's because they're a better client than you are.
01:01:14.740
Or at any time the client could fire me and say, you're not doing a good enough job.
01:01:26.600
And, and it goes both ways, even from a negative perspective.
01:01:29.580
I've had this conversation literally with my team of our job is to move the needle in
01:01:41.340
Like my recommendation to my client should be, you're paying too much for me not to do
01:01:51.320
Thus, I'm not justified in this role and neither is my team.
01:01:58.260
So if, if someone hasn't made that clear to me, guess what?
01:02:01.520
I'm, I'm coming back to the table and going, Hey, I have another way for us to provide value
01:02:10.140
So then that way your investment in me and my time drives the company forward.
01:02:16.740
So you got like, I love that analogy of senior employers, your client, because that's exact,
01:02:24.660
That's how you ensure that you're, you're providing massive value and that you're truly
01:02:30.280
owning the relationship and the value add and not just, well, I'll just sit over here
01:02:35.200
and I'll stay employed and, you know, hopefully I don't get fired or hopefully I'm providing
01:02:42.400
If you don't know if you're providing value or not, figure it out and come to the table
01:03:00.940
I've got a couple of announcements I wanted to share.
01:03:05.520
The first one, and I may have mentioned this briefly, we've got a bunch of new merchandise
01:03:13.020
We've got three new shirt designs that are available.
01:03:16.120
So if you want to support what we're doing here and have some cool shirts in the process
01:03:19.880
and look good, hats, battle planners, other stuff, head to store.orderamand.com.
01:03:24.380
And then the second announcement I wanted to make is I've been very quiet on this, but I
01:03:27.840
helped found a new company called M42 Adventures.
01:03:30.680
And it's our job and our goal to introduce the world to the outdoors through different
01:03:37.900
So it's outdoor experiences, whether it's hunts or ATV experiences or fly fishing, survival
01:03:43.400
schools, culinary and butchering classes, whatever we can do to get people familiar with the
01:03:50.220
Sometimes, a lot of times, and I've noticed this to be true for men who have asked this
01:03:54.140
question, which is quite a few, it's confusing and frustrating and you don't really know where
01:03:59.260
to start if you want to get immersed into the world of hunting or survival or whatever
01:04:04.940
So M42 Adventures, in July and August, we have a couple of hunts to Africa that I'm very
01:04:11.400
One, we're going to go hunt, but we're also going to go to an orphanage and give back to
01:04:19.340
And then we also have a helicopter tour that we get to go on.
01:04:24.300
And if you want to do non-hunting, there's options available as well.
01:04:28.380
So there's some really, really cool things I'm excited about with M42 Adventures.
01:04:32.640
And this is partly a response to how many guys ask me about how do I get into hunting?
01:04:41.660
We help facilitate all of that so you can immerse yourself into the world without having
01:04:45.960
all the confusion and chaos about doing it yourself.
01:05:02.840
Well, and on a side note, I need to talk to you about Hawaii because that's how I feel.
01:05:07.140
I feel like, uh, I don't know what's going on, gear, you know what I mean, or whatever.
01:05:13.980
I haven't said anything because I didn't know if I was supposed to say anything about it.
01:05:17.020
So Asia dropped the ball or she told me, uh, last week, I'll be honest, full disclosure.
01:05:34.680
It's going to be a complete waste of time other than being in Hawaii.
01:05:39.520
Um, but, but I don't, I want to show up at, I don't want to show up with a stick, you know,
01:05:48.820
You might have much, as much success as I do out there.
01:06:03.680
There was some cool, some cool moments in there.
01:06:07.700
We'll be back on Friday until then go out there, take action and become a man.
01:06:12.900
Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.
01:06:15.720
You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
01:06:19.520
We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.