Manufacture Hardship | FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
Episode Stats
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Summary
In this episode, Ryan talks about the importance of creating environments where you can suffer physically, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. He also discusses the dangers of living in a "safe" environment and why it's important to live life to the fullest.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, welcome to the Order of Man podcast. This is designed
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to give you the tools and conversations and resources you need to thrive as a man. We
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are reclaiming and restoring what it means to be a man and masculinity in society that
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is increasingly dismissive, continues to make a mockery of, and undermines at every turn
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masculinity and manliness. My name is Ryan Michler. I'm your host and the founder. Today,
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we're going to be talking about manufactured hardship, what that means, what it doesn't
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mean, and why it's important that each and every one of us learn to and create opportunities
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to suffer and why that's going to be so important to you as a man.
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So, before we do, let me just tell you very, very quickly that I appreciate all of the support
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that I've received, not only over the past six years, but specifically over the past four
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weeks as social media outlets continue to undermine what we're doing to reduce our reach.
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It's very frustrating, but it's also very reassuring to know that you are in our corner. You support
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what we're doing. So, if that's the case, please do a couple of things. Leave your rating review
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wherever you're listening. I don't care if it's iTunes or Stitcher or Pandora or iHeartRadio or
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wherever, but make sure you're leaving that rating review. That goes a long way in boosting the show
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in spite of Apple's and social medias, specifically Instagram's desire to limit. We're going to continue
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to use this grassroots movements to blow this thing up. Also share on social media. So, if you're
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listening to this right now on Apple or wherever, just take a quick screenshot, post it up, tag me if
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you can. Some of you can, some of you can't. Again, that's Instagram's games they're playing. Tag us,
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let people know what you're listening to, where to go. And again, this goes a long way.
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It only takes a couple of minutes. And so, I know a lot of you might be thinking,
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I've got other things and I'm busy. I get it. I understand. I'm busy too. But again, just share
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it, please. Just share it. All right. With that said, let's talk about manufactured hardship and
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why this is important for you to know. Now, when I say manufactured hardship, I'm talking about
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creating opportunities and more specifically environments where you can suffer physically,
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mentally, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. And that's important because in society today,
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everything is relatively easy. There isn't a whole lot of hardship outside of a medical diagnosis or
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a death or a lawsuit or loss of a job, all of which I understand can be very, very difficult.
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Outside of those factors, life really isn't that hard. I mean, we measure bad days by
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how long it took us to get to work or the fact that our internet was out for five minutes or even
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30 minutes or that the teenager at McDonald's or Starbucks got your mocha frappuccino, unicorn
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whipped cream drink or whatever it is that they got it wrong. They put the wrong flavor in it.
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And so, that ruins your day. Guys, life is easy. It's simple. It's not hard. And this is a luxury
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that has been afforded to us by two things. Number one, the men who have come before us
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who have put quite literally their lives on the line in order to ensure that we have opportunities
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to grow and to progress and to create these creature comforts that we have. And also through
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our own hard work and efforts that we put forth to put food on the table, a roof over ours and our
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family's heads and to create the experiences and opportunities that we have. So, in light of life
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being very easy, it's also very convenient for us to just coast, for us to go with the status quo
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and become complacent and to become lazy and weak and mediocre because nothing is calling upon us
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to step up to rise to the challenge. So, what we need to do is we need to deliberately and
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intentionally create hardship for ourselves in controlled environments. Now, let me tell you
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what this is not. When I'm talking about manufacturing hardship, I'm not talking about making life harder
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for the sake of being harder. I'm talking about creating environments, specifically training environments
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where you can go for 12 hours or 24 hours or 60 hours of something that's going to be mentally and
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physically and emotionally grueling so that when you are faced with the challenges of real life,
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you've got a perspective, you've got a framework, you've got a benchmark for how difficult things
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actually are or lack thereof. So, I'm not talking about making things harder than they need to be just for
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the sake of making it hard. And I know a lot of guys who will do that because I've had thousands
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and thousands of conversations with men who think that, well, if I just make it harder than it needs
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to be, then I'm doing good. No. Training should be harder than it needs to be so that when you're faced
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with real life scenarios, those will be, I should say, you'll be more equipped to be able to deal with
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those. That's the first thing. The second thing is I'm not talking about complaining and bitching
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and moaning and griping and playing the victim card because a lot of guys will do that too.
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They'll look at a scenario and they'll think, well, you know, my life's hard because of X, Y,
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and Z. And so, I'm tougher than the next guy because I had to deal with this. Look, we're not
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about creating excuses here. We're not about paying ourselves as the victim. And let me be very clear on
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this because there seems to be a lot of confusion about what the victim card is because I usually have
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just a few, just a few people on social media who, when I suggest that something's happening,
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for example, I talked about the social media thing. People will say, well, that's the victim
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card. Guys, it's not the victim card to acknowledge what's happening. The victim card is saying something's
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happening to you and there's nothing you can do about it. And so, you just toss your hands up in
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the air and say, well, I guess, you know, I'm screwed. That's the victim card. Please understand that.
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If you're listening to this and you've ever messaged me and say, well, Ryan, why are you
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playing the victim? Please understand that acknowledging the truth about a scenario is
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not being the victim, but giving the power to other people, other authorities, other institutions,
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and saying, well, I can't do anything about it. So, therefore, I'm not going to do anything.
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I think that's the victim card. Use the six-inch space between your ears to understand what I'm
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talking about. I know social media has been conditioning us to make us incapable of exercising
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critical thinking and discernment, but damn, you guys know what the victim card is and what it isn't.
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And so, when I'm talking about manufacturing hardship, I'm not talking about just playing
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the victim card and pretending things that are worse than they really are because really,
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they're not. And all you need to do is look around and see what people actually are dealing
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with. Medical diagnoses, loss of a loved one, lawsuit, maybe they got in a car accident,
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going through a divorce or separation. These are hardships. This is a challenge.
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But what's not a challenge is the things that we make up. Like somebody cut us off on the road
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or somebody yelled at us or we lost a client or we got passed over for a promotion. I mean,
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those things suck for sure. Or again, the teenager at McDonald's gave you a single Big Mac
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instead of the double Big Mac. That's what people get upset about. Why? Because they have no basis of
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what is actually hard and what isn't. I mean, here I am sitting in this climate-controlled
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environment. I've got the technology and I've got access to all these books and I've got the fan
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cranking right now and I've got the lights on, which means I have electricity and I'm hydrated
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because I drank a bunch of water and I went and trained this morning. So, like life is pretty easy.
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So, when I'm talking about manufacturing hardship, guys, what I'm talking about is creating environments,
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situations, experiences where you have to exert yourself more than you normally would in your
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day-to-day life. And the reason I'm talking about this with you today is because I just got back this
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last weekend from my friend, Bedros Koulian, who runs a couple of different programs. A lot of you guys
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are familiar with him. He's the founder and CEO of Fit Body Bootcamp. He's also the author of the book
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Man Up. He's been on the podcast a couple of times. And in addition to that and other things, he runs a
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couple of programs. One is called The Project, which is a men's program. It's a 72 or 75-hour crucible type
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event. But he also runs another event called The Squire Program. And The Squire Program is for fathers and
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their sons. And I think the ages are between 13 to 16, 13 to 15, somewhere right in there.
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Well, my son and I, this past weekend, went and participated in his Squire Program. Now,
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you've heard me talk about a legacy event, which is a father-son event. It's a three and a half day
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experience with fathers and their sons. They'll stay here in my barn and we'll do a lot of physically
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and mentally and emotionally demanding things, all designed to forge deeper connections between
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father and son. So, you've heard me talk about this. Well, here's my thought is I don't have
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the right, frankly, to ask you as men who are following along with what we're doing to ask you
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to do things that I'm not willing to do myself. And when I'm leading these events, I can't really
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participate to the degree that you can. So, I have to get that elsewhere. And so, Bedros invited
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myself and my son to his Squire Program. And it's a 15-hour event, roughly, give or take.
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And so, we go at, you know, four or five in the afternoon and we went all night and then we ended
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at about eight o'clock in the morning. And the entire event was built around suffering in controlled
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environments. Again, not for the sake of suffering, but for the sake of making us stronger, tougher,
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more resilient, equipping us with the mindsets and the skill sets that we need to thrive
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in challenging and difficult times. So, we went on hikes and we were carrying equipment and we did
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little mini workouts and we were up all night, which is a challenge in and of itself. My son went
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through his own things that I know a little bit about, but there's some things that he did
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physically, mentally, emotionally. And then we had some experiences. I'm trying not to give away too
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much because it would be worthy of you checking out yourself. But again, it was all designed to
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make things difficult, challenging, demanding, and then equipping us with what we need to be able to
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thrive when things do actually get tough. And most men don't do that. Right? We take the path of least
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resistance. I've talked about it over and over and over again on this podcast. The natural man.
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Guys, the natural man, the man that you and I default to is weak and he's lazy and he's pathetic
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and he's cowardly and he's greedy and selfish. He wants the results without putting forth the effort.
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And I'm not pointing fingers at you. This is me just as much as it is you. We choose the path of
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least resistance. And I'm telling you to choose the path of most resistance in your training,
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not in real life, in training. So that when you're met with a demanding task or your boss
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asks you to do something, or you have a deadline with a client, or you're in a difficult situation
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with your wife, or you find yourself in a physical altercation, that this isn't the first time you've
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ever been exposed to hardship. But because of the ease of modernity in which we live, it's not going
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to be presented to you over and over and over again. It's going to be presented in isolated
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moments. And then you have to ask yourself in that moment, am I capable? Am I worthy?
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Do I have what it takes? As John Eldridge would ask in his book, Wild at Heart. Do I have what it
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takes? Well, I don't want when you deal with a medical condition or a lawsuit or an injury or a loss
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of a loved one or a divorce, I don't want that to be the first time that you've ever dealt with
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hardship. So what we need to do is we need to create environments, the Squire program, legacy,
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which is the event we run, the main event, which is another event that we run, going to jujitsu,
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going to train, exercise, physically, grueling, demanding tasks, Spartan races, stepping up when there's
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an opportunity to speak in public and you don't feel like doing it. See, there's an interesting thing.
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So we've got this emotion of fear, right? All of us experience fear. It isn't something that
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anybody has ever relieved themselves of. All of us have fear, even the most bold, even the most
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courageous. In fact, you can't be bold and courageous unless you have some level of fear.
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If we were to go to superheroes, for example, what kind of superhero is Superman? I mean, he can fly in
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x-ray vision and he's invincible and everything else. And that's all fine and great. But because
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you're invincible, does that make you a hero? No, it doesn't. It doesn't make you a hero because
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you're invincible. What makes you a hero is that you are able to experience pain and suffering and
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loss and potentially die. And yet you choose to move forward. That's what makes you superhuman.
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That's what makes it worthy is that the fact that in the wake of fear, you move forward.
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So we all have fear. We all experience it. And what I want each and every one of us to do is to be
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able to not overcome fear, but to be able to deal with it effectively. And how do you deal with it
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effectively? You make yourself capable of handling it. I was in a BNI business network international
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years and years ago. In fact, I had Dr. Ivan Meisner on the podcast, uh, probably about a year or so
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ago. And one of the things that we do in business network international is that we have the opportunity
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to get up and spend anywhere between five to 10 minutes presenting some sort of concept or idea or a
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business pitch. And I remember specifically going to our BNI presidency of our local chapter and
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saying, Hey, anytime anybody bails on doing this speaking opportunity, just know I'll step in on a
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moment's notice. That means if I have 30 second notice or 10 second notice or no notice at all,
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or two days notice, I will step in. And they called on me. I can't tell you it's probably a dozen times
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in maybe a period of a year or two, which may means that I had the opportunity to present and
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put myself out in front of other people. But you know, what was funny is I thought about this.
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I asked them, I said, who else has volunteered to do this, to step in a moment's notice. And they
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said, no one, no one. Well, damn guys, the opportunities come on the other side of the fear.
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And there's an interesting thing about fear. And this is what I was going to tell you earlier is
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that it's, it's there for a reason, but there's only one of two things that happen.
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And there's only one of two things that your fear is telling you two things. That's it.
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Number one, this is either going to hurt you physically, mentally, emotionally, or kill you.
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That's number one. It's going to hurt you or it's going to kill you.
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The other thing that fear is telling you is that this is going to push you outside of your comfort
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zone. And our emotions are not developed enough at this point in our lives or evolution or creation
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to distinguish the difference between what will hurt us and kill us and what is simply going to
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push us outside of our comfort zone. But our brains have developed enough where we can actually sit down
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and critically think about situations and ask again, critically, is the reason that I'm experiencing
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fear because I need to avoid this situation because I will get physically, mentally, or emotionally hurt
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or killed? Or is it because it's going to push me outside of my comfort zone? And you have to ask
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yourself, and this takes a mature man, this takes rational thinking, this takes somebody who has
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experienced hardship and pain and suffering to be able to distinguish between the two.
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And the more equipped you are to distinguish between the two, the more often you will actually
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move forward and pass the fear that it's just going to push you outside of your comfort zone.
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Because look, I'm telling you, if it's going to kill you or hurt you, there's probably a reason
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you should not do it. But if it's just going to push you outside of your comfort zone, you should.
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So a lot of times I'll have guys ask me, well, Ryan, I believe in this concept of manufactured
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hardship where we're creating training environments that are difficult and demanding and challenging for
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us. And I know how to do it on the physical realm, right? You can go to the gym, you can go to train
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jujitsu, you can participate in a marathon or a Spartan race. So the physical domain is easy.
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It's the mental and emotional domain that are more difficult.
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And so how do you figure out what's going to be hardship for you in the spiritual, emotional,
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and mental realm? It's the things that scare you guys. Very simply, it's the things that scare you.
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So to go back to my B&I story, if you have an opportunity to speak in public, then you should
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speak in public. Ryan, I don't know how I'm afraid. What if I do this? What if I say this wrong? What if
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people think less of me? That's the reason you should do it. If there's an opportunity at work
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for somebody, anybody to step up, to lead a project, to lead the team, to present new ideas,
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to present new concepts, and you're sitting in the corner cowering like a little baby because you're
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scared of putting yourself out there. That's the exact reason that you should do it because you're
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afraid. And here's the beauty. The more that you're afraid because it's going to push you outside of
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your comfort zone, and the more frequently you decide to move forward in the wake of your fear,
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the more capable you become of managing the fear and the challenge and the hardship that comes with
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putting yourself out there. Now, the third component or tier of masculinity that we talk about,
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in fact, it's on my hat. Protect, provide, preside. This third component, preside. Leadership.
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You can't lead unless you're capable of leading. You can try. You can get the promotion. You can get
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the title and the fancy name tag on your desk. You can get all that stuff. Or the rank.
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I've had military leaders who, leaders, I'm using that term loosely, quote unquote, leaders
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that I don't trust, that I don't hold in high regard because I know they're not doing what it
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takes to make themselves tough and resilient and gritty and capable. So, the third component of
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preside here is leadership. And here's what leaders do. They go first. They move forward in the wake of
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fear. It's not that they have an absence of fear. It's that they move forward in spite of it.
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So, guys, what I want you to do is I want you to find opportunities for things to be difficult.
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Again, not for the sake of being difficult, not for the sake of making things harder than they
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need to be or telling everybody's stories of how wonderful you are, but so that you can set the
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precedent and the framework in which things are really hard. If you're complaining, if the hardest
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part of your day is somebody cuts you off on the road, then that's because you actually don't know
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what hardship is. And what I don't want to have happen is that when you're actually met with
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something that is difficult, objectively difficult, like your wife, for example, comes to you and says,
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I want a divorce. I don't want you to crumble. I don't want you to fall apart as a man.
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I don't want you to become a little baby and become desperate and lose who you are.
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I want you to be able to deal with it effectively.
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I want you to strive in this case to continue that marriage and to work through what needs
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to be worked through. But I want you to be a man who can stand on his feet.
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I don't want you to crumble. And I've seen guys do it. They crumble. Man, they lose a job and they
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crumble. They go through a divorce and they crumble. They have a loss of a loved one and they crumble.
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And nothing else moves forward. Life can be challenging and life can be hard and demanding
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and painful. But a lot of that comes because we haven't inoculated ourself against that pain.
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And inoculation doesn't mean I'm going to shut off my emotions. It doesn't mean I'm going to subdue
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or sedate them through drugs or alcohol or pornography, which a lot of men do. That's not
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how you inoculate yourself. You inoculate yourself through perspective. So if you wake up every
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morning, just like I did this morning at a little after five o'clock this morning, my alarm went off.
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And the first response I had was, I don't want to get out of bed. I'm tired. I just did this thing,
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the Squire program with Bedros and I'm tired. I'm not fully recovered. And you know, I deserve it.
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And I've earned it. All these little lies that I tell to myself. And yet I got out of bed
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and I went to the gym and I trained jujitsu and I got my neck squeezed and I got my arms pulled on.
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And I was presented with challenging situations so that when whatever help happens throughout the
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rest of the day, I already have the framework for which I'm going to operate, which is to get up,
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get out of bed, go put yourself in physically challenging situations. And then it gives me a
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perspective on the rest of the thing. So here's what I would suggest in closing today, guys.
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Life is hard at times. I'm not saying it isn't, but I am saying that the opportunity,
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and I'm using that word deliberately, the opportunity for hardship is few and far between.
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I know a lot of you guys are thinking to yourselves right now, as I say that, well,
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you don't understand, Ryan, my life is hard. Maybe you think it is. Maybe you think it is,
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And you can improve your ability to deal with these situations by putting yourself under physically,
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mentally, emotionally demanding situations. And then if you do that enough, maybe in the next 30
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days or 60 days or 12 months, you might say to me, Ryan, my life is not that hard.
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And I'll tell you here, my life is not all that hard. I don't want to jinx that by any means,
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but my life really isn't that hard. I wake up, my wife's next to me, my kids are healthy,
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I'm healthy, I have a comfortable bed to sleep on. Our house is climate controlled. We live in this
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beautiful area and have these amazing blessings and a lot of abundance in our lives. Again, I'm not
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trying to jinx myself here at all, but a lot of that comes from my perspective because I'm willing
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to put myself in situations that are difficult. And guys, you're going to be mad with them. You are.
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Life's going to happen and it's going to kick you right in the dick.
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And when that time comes, there's only one of two types of men, the man that cowers,
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the man that buckles and folds and slinks off into the corner and go cries himself to sleep
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or the man that says, damn, that hurt, but I'm going to stand back up.
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I'm going to do what needs to be done. I'm going to equip myself with the mindset and skill sets
00:25:39.060
needed to thrive. And I'm going to keep marching forward. And the only difference between the two
00:25:45.240
is the guy who was deliberate and intentional about creating hardship for himself in controlled
00:25:52.560
environments to give him a perspective and a framework to deal with it when shit actually
00:25:58.380
hits the fan. So the question remains, which man are you? Are you the wimp, the weakling,
00:26:07.720
the coward that is afraid of everything that runs away from any sort of challenge or hardship
00:26:16.100
or confrontation, or are you the man who is still afraid and yet chooses deliberately and
00:26:23.140
intentionally to walk into and step into the fear to make himself more capable, stronger,
00:26:31.560
more competent, more assertive, more bold so that he can deal with life as it happens
00:26:39.320
and then protect those under his care. There's a great quote by David Gilmour. He says,
00:26:46.040
the real man gains renown by standing between his family and destruction,
00:26:55.560
Equanimity means calmness, coolness, clarity, control. That's the kind of man I want to be.
00:27:05.800
Therefore, I need to confront danger in controlled environments so that I'm more able
00:27:12.280
to have this level of equanimity when life really gets difficult.
00:27:18.740
So here's what I want you guys to do. Move forward into the fear, into the fray,
00:27:24.560
into the uncomfortable, physically, mentally, emotionally demanding situations,
00:27:27.720
and then shoot me a message. You can connect with me in a lot of different ways. You can email me,
00:27:32.500
Ryan at order of man. You can connect with me on the socials, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter,
00:27:37.340
all at Ryan Mickler. Also Getter, G-E-T-T-R is a new platform that I just joined. I don't know
00:27:44.440
how well that's going to turn out, but I'm always looking for new opportunities and
00:27:47.300
new ways to reach you. All at Ryan Mickler. Very easy to find me. Connect with me there.
00:27:52.360
Take a screenshot, share, shoot me a message on the socials, shoot me an email and let me know
00:27:58.360
what you're doing to improve yourself because that's what this podcast is all about. How do
00:28:01.520
we improve ourselves? That's what this is about. So you have your marching orders. Do challenging
00:28:07.100
things. Let me know what you're doing and let me know how it pounds out for you. But be that second
00:28:12.060
kind of man, the man who faces the fear and moves into it rather than slinks away from it.
00:28:16.920
All right, guys, we'll be back next week. Until then, go out there, take action,
00:28:22.720
manufacture the hardship in your life, and become the man you are meant to be.
00:28:26.900
Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life
00:28:31.400
and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.
00:28:45.180
You're ready to join the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order of the order!