Masculinity in the Arts, the Drift of Life, and Why It's Good to be the Underdog | ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Harmful content
Misogyny
3
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Hate speech
7
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Summary
When life knocks you down, you are not easily deterred or defeated. Resilient, resilient, strong. This is your life, this is who you are, and who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man. You are a man of action. You live life to the fullest. You embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path. When life knocks your down - you get back up one more time!
Transcript
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beauty, right? What do paintings portray? Go to a movie, a great movie, and tell me that doesn't
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impact culture. Listen to music and tell me that doesn't impact culture, you know, or a great
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speech or a performance or a musical composition or a great painting. Art matters. It is relevant.
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And it's important that we address that side of things too, because it's how we communicate.
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time. You are not
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easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who you are.
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This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call
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Kip, what's up, man? Good to see you. Both of us are, uh, it seems to be a reoccurring trend. I
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wonder if we should just switch the days that we record because both of us like, I'm busy today.
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And I can tell you, you got on, you didn't sound grumpy, but I could tell it's like, oh, he's,
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he's in the, he's in the, I'm in the zone. Yeah. I am too. I was in it from last week.
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Tuesday's probably a bad day to do this. Possibly. Maybe we should switch to Tuesday.
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Although full disclosure on Friday, we, we, you know, we have our all hands calls on
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in the iron council on Fridays and the Friday call. I, I was, I was in a bad mood. I was just
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pissy and it was funny. Yeah. I hopped on the call and guys were like, Hey, how's it going Kip? And I
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said, good. Shut up. And then I paused and I went, no, actually, no, it's not good. Like
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full disclosure, I'm having a rough day, right? I'm a little upset and a little pissy about some
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things. My bad, right? I'll, I'll, I'll keep it in check, but I'm lying. If I'm saying everything's
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fine. Now the, the irony is, is by the end of the call, guys were sending me private messages
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saying, dude, that was probably one of the more powerful calls I've ever been on. So maybe you need
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to be more pissed off on Fridays, you know, but I don't know. It's a little true. Wayne McPherson,
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he, he says pissed off Ryan is a good Ryan. He liked, he likes when I'm a little fired up and he,
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he often makes that statement. Honestly, I think when you're, when you're fired up a little bit,
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as long as you can reign it in, it seems like you're more willing to tell the truth and say
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some things that need to be said. I think the last time I was really that fired up was, um,
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it was on one of our calls for new iron council members. And I was the same way. I'm like,
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guys, look, I'm a little bugged today. We're going to get through it. And guys were making
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excuses. I'm like, just stop, you know? And I, I called him out there on the spot because I just
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wasn't in the mood to deal with crap. And everybody was like, that was actually a really good call.
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And that's, we all understand we're all men. We all know we have bad days and in the right context,
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I think it's better just to be upfront and honest about it. You're not getting it for validation.
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You're not getting it. So people will, you know, make you feel better and give you a pats on the
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back and add a boy and you're okay. In fact, on days like that, I don't even want that. Don't text
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me. Don't message me. Don't talk to me. I don't need any of that. I'm just telling you, it's not
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going to be the same as it normally is. Yeah. Yeah. If anything, those things kind of piss me off some
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more. Right. Totally. Well, I know it's funny, you know, um, sometimes I might be upset about
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something and you know, people might know or whatever it might be. And they call me and I'm
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like, yeah, that's just making me more bothered. I've got things to do and you texting me and asking
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me if things are okay. And do I want to talk about it? No, I don't. I want to work. Leave me alone.
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Right. Exactly. I love it. They're just trying to be helpful, but you know, we're,
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we've all been there. So anyways, well, do we have a headline for today?
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Yeah, I do. I have one. Um, and it was, um, a study I heard about and, and the study was actually
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called, if you guys want to reference this online, it's called party over policy.
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And in this study, they had sampled questions and the questions were kind of categorized into
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conservative viewpoints and more liberal viewpoints and not surprising people that were conservative
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kind of chose the conservative viewpoints right over the liberal ones. Sure. Sure.
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And then the second part of the study was they switched them and said, Hey, these conservative
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viewpoints are actually promoted by liberal, uh, members of Congress and Senate and, you know,
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and, and, and kind of put backing that, that did a switch. And what would you guess? Most of the
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people changed their stance. Of course. Right. And their conservative viewpoints were now,
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you know, not conservative, right? Because they believed that it aligned with the party and they
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changed their opinion of the party. Now that's like, and I think we all know there's tribalization
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and groupthink and, you know, a number of things that kind of go into that, but here's the crazy part.
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Then they surveyed them around. Why did they switch and telling them that they, that they switched
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up the questions on them. And 86% of the people denied the fact that they switched their questions
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up based on really, they didn't even know they didn't even want to accept it. Oh no, no, no. I
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didn't do that. That's how stern people are in their ways of thinking or their, their, or how much I
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should say it this way, how much we tie our identities to political groups. We are so tied
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our identities, these political groups that we are unwilling to even consider the fact
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that we are being swayed to choose one thing or, or the other. That's how it, it, it blows my mind.
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How the lack of self-awareness to even admit that that might actually even be occurring.
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It's fascinating. It is fascinating. It, you know, even at a more silly level, if you don't think this
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is true, just go talk to somebody about the super bowl coming up. Yeah. Like there are grown men
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who wear other men's jerseys with other men's names on their back and they will get into fights
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to defend their quote unquote, their team as if they really had anything to do with it. And as if
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those athletes and those owners care anything about those lives. And look, I'll tell you,
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if you enjoy a football game, a sports outing or whatever, by all means, enjoy it, have some fun.
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I love sports. I love competition. I love the discipline and all the virtues that go behind
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incredible athletes. But at the end of the day, it has no relevancy in my life whatsoever,
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but it is amazing to see how tribal men will get over the green colored team or the red colored team.
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It's absolutely ridiculous. It truly is. It's crazy. What do you got?
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I don't really have a headline, but I think the big thing right now is the tariffs. You know,
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everybody's kind of losing their mind and, and Trudeau, the child thinks he's going to go toe
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to toe with not only president Trump, but the largest economy in the world. And think he thinks he has
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a fighting chance. We, the fact of the matter is, and I don't say this with any arrogance or maybe
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a little arrogance, slight arrogance. We don't need Canada as much as Canada needs us. And I'm
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talking about the economies. Um, a lot of people seem to believe that the tariffs will is a tax on
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American consumers. And I can see why they would think that prices naturally will go up. But I think
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the couple of things that stood out to me, one woman this morning said, well, prices are already
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high and now I can't get gas because it'll cost me a hundred dollars to fill up my tank. I'm like
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a hundred dollars to fill up your tank. What kind of car are you driving? Cause it's been 30 years
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since it was less than a hundred dollars for me to fill up my tank. So that was my first question.
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I need to figure out what she's driving. Yeah. I guess I drive a truck. So that's, that's maybe why,
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but she said that, you know, inflation is going to go so high and are, are we happy is,
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is our MAGA is happy yet? I'm like, you know, this is the problem with American just politics
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in general and, and the citizens of America and probably worldwide. We have such an inability
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to focus on any sort of long-term results that would require any sort of short-term sacrifice today.
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Yes. Prices are likely to go up. And what she had said, or he said, I can't remember
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is that how is this going to benefit Americans? Well, in a couple of ways, number one, it's going
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to bring back American manufacturing because if I can go to Canada or Mexico or China or India or
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wherever else and make products cheaper, then of course, as an organization, you're going to do
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that. But if it's the same price or same cost, rather, if I build here in America or build
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overseas, of course, obviously you're going to start building here, which puts Americans back
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to work, which boost our economy. It's all relative. So there's, that's part of it. The
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other part of it, and this is what most people overlook with tariffs. President Trump uses tariffs
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as a bargaining tool. He's not trying to screw Americans. And this is what so many people get
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wrong. It's just a leveraging tool. And guess what? This morning, Mexico's president who said
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that she was going to stand up and fight back down already. And she agreed based on some things
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that, uh, president Trump and her have said to deploy 10,000 Mexican troops to the border in order
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to stop and halt or slow down some of the illegal crossings related to drug trafficking. Uh, and in
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exchange, president Trump agreed to pause all tariffs for the next 30 days. It's a bargaining tool.
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People don't understand. And if here's the, here's the thing that you need to know about this
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Kip, let's say you and I got into altercation at a sports event, since we were talking about that
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earlier and we were both probably drunk and belligerent and acting stupid towards each other.
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And you said something to me and I said something to you, but you didn't perceive me as a threat.
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You would likely, well, you'd be more willing or more likely to escalate the situation if you did
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not perceive me as a threat. Correct? Correct. Yeah. If on the other hand, you actually thought
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that I could back up what I was saying, that would be a deterrent to you. If I saw you,
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cause I know you have a little bit of cauliflower ear, that's a deterrent to me because I think,
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well, this guy obviously spends time on the mats. And so I better be aware of who I'm getting into
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it with. That's, that's a deterrent. You have to be able to threaten people or, or, or countries in
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this case, leverage, but actually have the weight behind it. Because if you're, if it's just empty
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rhetoric, nobody cares. And that's why everybody walked all over the United States and Joe Biden,
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because sometimes he talked a big game by saying, listen, pal, and listen up, bub. And this kind of
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stuff, like an old grandpa would. And at the end of the day, people could just walk right over him and
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they knew they could. Trump has to show his hand. Occasionally, Canada will back down. I promise you
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they will back down. Mexico has already backed down. Columbia two, uh, two weeks ago, back down.
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These are just leveraging plays. Wake up, exercise a little discernment, exercise a little critical
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thinking, even if it's not your party of choice, I get that. And think long-term. And if you won't do
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it for yourself, consider it for your kids and consider it for your grandkids, because that's
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what we're saddling with. If we don't take care of it now and sacrifice now. And I could get onto a
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whole other, uh, soapbox about, uh, Medicare and social security, which is another conversation for
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another day. But that is a very, very, a serious conversation that needs to start being had.
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Do you even think that it will make that big of a difference from internal costs? Like I actually
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don't think it will. I think it might for a short, for a short period of time, but I don't even think
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it's a long haul here. I think that maybe costs will go up a little bit and, and it will be minimal,
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but I think what we'll probably see is artificially inflated prices with the stock market and
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companies anticipating increasing costs. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's, it's not, as a former financial
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advisor, that, that is something a lot of people don't understand is the, the way that the market
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works and yeah. And how sensitive is to all sorts of information. That's why when people, uh, say,
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well, I have this stock pick and it's underpriced. It's not underpriced. You're, you're not smarter
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than 300 million people or the 8 billion people on the planet. And you're certainly not smarter
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than the people who are selecting, uh, prices and manipulating prices and the federal reserve and,
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and all the bureaucracy and red tape that's going on behind this to, I think, manufacture certain
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crises and, and inflation and things like, I mean, inflation, obviously it's proven that it's
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manufactured, but, um, yeah, you're never getting a good deal. If you think you're getting a good deal
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on a stock, that deal, quote unquote deal has already been priced into the value of the stock.
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And most people don't know that. And that's why most people lose their, their shirt when they,
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uh, decide to pick stocks and, and, uh, instead of just investing in long-term, low cost,
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low turnover, mutual funds. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Good stuff, man. Well, iron council. We're
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going to answer some questions from those guys to learn more about the iron council or exclusive
00:14:48.020
brotherhood. You can go to order of man.com slash iron council, Robbie Leffel. Can I follow up my
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question from last week? He asks, and thanks for asking, uh, answering it. When you built your boat,
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did that project ground you more in your masculinity? And should we try to find projects like that since
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we are no longer full-time hunters and gatherers, assuming everything else is aligned?
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Yeah. So if you aren't familiar last week, he said, should we pursue masculine hobbies over what
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generally would be considered non-masculine? I'm, I'm paraphrasing. It was something along those lines.
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Um, again, I, I think the answer is the same, you know, going back to building my, my boat,
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for example, which is not complete. I want to put that out there. Cause I have a couple of friends
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who bust my balls every time I bring up the canoe. So I'm just, just putting it out there right now.
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Okay. It's not, but I'll leave it there for now. Um, I don't know that that was more masculine than
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planting a garden necessarily. I mean, it was more, you could, you could make the case. And I think this
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is the case. A lot of people would make is that it should be a hobby should be engaged in something
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of utility. So for example, building, rebuilding an engine motor, for example, is better than painting
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a picture because rebuilding the engine, there's more utility in rebuilding the engine than painting a
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picture and putting it on your wall. I think even if they aren't acknowledging it, that's the case
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people are making. And while I can certainly agree, you said in your last little caveat there,
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if all of your other bases are covered or something like that, right? Yeah. Didn't he say something like
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that? Yep. Totally. Yep. He did say that. Yeah. So if you don't have a car, then I would probably
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get a car before I'd paint a picture, but if you already have the car, well then you're fine. You
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paint your picture, take your pictures, create, build. I, I really don't see a difference between
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the two. I think I don't, I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the question of like,
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why does it matter? If you find value in building or gardening or painting, if everything else is
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covered, I don't really think it matters. Totally. Well, Ryan, maybe, maybe we take a
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something out of Jack Donovan's playbook, right? And, and you could probably speak to it a little
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bit better than I, than, than I have, or I can, but you know, his, his whole thought around
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masculinity being in the arts and the drawback of men saying, oh, well, that's not a masculine
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hobby or activity. So I'm not going to participate in those and the impact that has on society.
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I mean, one could argue that, I mean, it's a huge, yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. No, I, I want you to
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explain it because I, I think, I think Jack makes a really good point from that perspective.
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Well, I'll give you an example, um, in, in politics, just, just men in general, you know,
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I think the common mantra, uh, and Jack is somebody who understands as well. Another person
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who understands as well as Tanner Guzzi with masculine style and what Tanner often mocks when
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he hears most men speak about style, for example, is real men don't care about how they look. And he's
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saying it sarcastically, but that's, that's the belief. A lot of men have real men don't care
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about what they look like. Well, that is the furthest thing from the truth. You know, take
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some of the manliest men. We talked about George Washington, uh, three or four weeks ago. He was
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very, very, uh, wrapped up in his appearance and what it signified and what it meant and what
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message it was conveying. When I got up this morning, I put clothes on that spoke to me and
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conveyed a message to other people. I mean, look at my hat. It, it literally has a thing on an emblem
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on it because I want people to see that same thing with my shirt, iron sharpens iron, the scriptural
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reference with, with the, uh, why am I, why is it, I mean, drawing the, uh, anvil, you know? And so it's
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like, this is, this is saying something, whatever you're wearing right now, Kip is saying something.
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You wore that for a reason. It wasn't just you. It's to articulate how you feel. And I think you
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ought to be mindful of that. And so the example that I, that I, uh, kind of got a chuckle, but also
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was a little bit repulsed by was at Trump's inauguration or at least his inaugurational speech.
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Somebody like John Fetterman came in wearing basketball shorts and a hoodie and gym shoes.
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He looks like Adam Sandler, like a big Opie Adam Sandler at the, at the presidential inaugurational
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address. Now tell me, do you think more of him or less of him? If you've never seen him, you know
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nothing about him more or less. Of course, anybody who's being honest thinks less of that person.
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because of the way that they are presenting themselves, the way that we look matters.
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And it has the power to impact culture. Now, how does that relate to the arts beauty, right? What
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do paintings portray? Go to, go to a movie, a great movie and tell me that doesn't impact culture.
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Uh, listen to music and tell me that doesn't impact culture, you know, or a great speech or a
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performance or a musical composition or a great painting. One of the greatest, most famous paintings
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in the world. The Mona Lisa, you know, is, is Leonardo da Vinci is one of the most influential
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pieces of art of all time. Art matters. It is relevant. And it's important that we address that
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side of things too, because it's how we communicate. Even a beautiful story. You know, a man sits down with
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his son side by side and tells a very well-crafted, clever story or anecdote about lessons he learned
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as a boy. And now that translates to his son and hopefully his son or his daughter internalizes
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that. And now is a better human being because dad learned how to tell a good story. That's art.
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It's art is so relevant when it comes to culture. And that's what we're doing here.
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This is, this is artistic in a lot of ways. We're expressing our ideas and thoughts and
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we're deliberate about the way that we're doing it from our audio and video to the music that we use
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to the lighting that is, is implemented. It's all crucial. Yeah. Thanks. Peter Benton court have
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either of you served on a board? If so, what type was it? And did you gain from the time spent on the
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board? I'm considering volunteering or at least looking into, uh, that so I could expand my
00:22:02.800
professional network, develop strategic decision-making skills and gain exposure to high
00:22:07.740
level leadership. Any suggestions or experience would be great. Uh, I don't have any experience
00:22:13.700
on boards. I'd like to give my thoughts about it, but I want to hear, do you have any experience on,
00:22:18.300
on sitting on boards? No, actually. And I, in fact, I love this question because I've been
00:22:23.840
approached actually over the last six months about possibly being on a board. Um, it's intriguing.
00:22:32.480
My, my key thing was like, can I, is it a proper investment of my time? Right. And am I going to
00:22:38.020
get enough out of it that based upon the time I'd put into it? Um, so I'd love to hear your thoughts
00:22:43.980
about it for sure. I can still hear you. Can you hear me? Okay. Yeah, I can hear you now. You froze
00:22:59.860
for a second. Okay. Yeah. Uh, the last thing I heard you say is, is it a proper use of my time?
00:23:05.320
I think is what I heard you say. Yeah. And, and really love to hear your thoughts about it. I have
00:23:10.840
some opinions, but no, I have not actually served on a board. I've worked with a board,
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um, for, for actually probably about a year and a half, uh, a boat board of advisors, but that's it.
00:23:31.040
Yeah. It sounds like it. That's okay. We can work through it. Can you hear me? Okay. Okay.
00:23:36.040
Yeah. Why don't you go ahead and share your thoughts about a board?
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There we go. Um, well, I, I've never served on a board either. So, uh, that, that I can remember
00:23:49.420
anyways. And for me, I just, I have a general level of disdain towards that type of structure. And I'm
00:23:56.980
not saying it isn't needed. It certainly is, but I, I don't know if it's my, my natural inclination to
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buck authority, but anytime a board gets together, it just seems like it's a bunch of hall monitors
00:24:10.820
from when you were a kid who are making bad decisions on behalf of everybody else. I just,
00:24:18.060
I just have this like, just disdain. I've thought about getting into politics and school board and
00:24:23.600
things like this. And I'm like, you know, do I want to deal with other people that I don't like
00:24:28.900
the kind of people that want to be in power, the kind of people I don't want to spend any amount of
00:24:33.300
time with. So I realized the importance of having a board. And you know, if you've got,
00:24:39.820
if you're representing an organization of thousands and thousands of individuals, then there has to be
00:24:44.940
a handful of people making some of those decisions. Sure. For me, my personality is I'd rather be boots
00:24:51.160
on ground doing the work. I feel like I can make a bigger difference doing work than I can making
00:24:57.300
decisions. I think most of the time, uh, these boards are so far connected from reality. A lot
00:25:04.360
of the times people who serve on these types of boards have no experience whatsoever in the field
00:25:10.120
in which they're making decisions. And I would rather just work. I'd rather make a difference by
00:25:17.980
serving people, by being engaged in something that's meaningful. And Peter, look, I know that's
00:25:23.720
really negative towards what you want to do. I get it. And if you do, then hopefully you'll be
00:25:28.960
the kind of guy who isn't like that. Who's not looking for power. Who's not looking for authority
00:25:34.880
over other people, but wants to build influence and wants to serve and actually cares about people.
00:25:41.520
And you actually care about your mission and you're getting involved in things that you have
00:25:45.520
some credibility and know-how in, and you're not just winging it or, uh, doing it for the notoriety of
00:25:51.100
your accolades that say, I sit on this board of directors for this nonprofit or whatever it might
00:25:55.880
be. So those are my two cents. I love it now. And I, and you bring up some really good points. I mean,
00:26:04.160
you can even pull someone from industry and they might have strong opinions around something should
00:26:09.440
be done, but what was their success rooted in EBITDA scores and exit strategy. Did people hate working
00:26:18.000
for them? Oh, hold on. Maybe I shouldn't be listening to your opinion then. Right? Like,
00:26:23.340
right. So be careful. And, and what are you asking a board to do? To provide insights. And, and if
00:26:32.480
they're not close enough to it, just like where I'm saying their insights are rooted in what?
00:26:38.620
A bunch of assumptions. Are you joking? Right? Like that's, that's leadership principle. Number one,
00:26:45.320
don't assume anything. And then you inject a higher level that is based in a lot of questions,
00:26:51.500
all based upon assumption. And then they have your ear, right? Be very careful. And, and some of it is
00:26:59.640
based upon what you ask of a board. And, and I love how you, how you flip that. Ryan is like, Peter,
00:27:05.520
if you're going to be on a board, don't be that type of board member. Then be the one that, that focuses
00:27:11.860
on coaching the leaders of the organization on what they need to be doing to show up more powerfully
00:27:19.980
for their people. Right? Well, I think there's that ego. Right. Well, and I think there's also
00:27:27.120
this desire for a lot of these members to, they, they love the sound of their own voice and they
00:27:32.940
love to pontificate and they love to sound smart. And I'm going to steal a page from your playbook.
00:27:39.060
Look, you often say this, Kip, what, what problem are we trying to fix? And I think in a lot of
00:27:45.940
situations, when you get these bloated organizations, they be, and we've done this in the iron council
00:27:50.720
and you're like, hold on, hold on, hold on. There's no problem. What are we doing here? And I'm like,
00:27:55.120
yeah, that's, that's true. Or what is the problem? And we don't even know what the problem is.
00:27:59.220
We can't articulate stuff. We're just doing shit. Right. And again, to go back to my previous
00:28:06.560
financial advisory days, meddling doesn't work. Meddling never works. Pick a strategy,
00:28:15.440
do it for a long period of time, evaluate it with actual data and objective reality. And then if
00:28:25.040
something needs to be fixed, then go ahead. So Peter, again, another recommendation,
00:28:30.700
because you did ask for recommendations and I'm giving it to you from a very pessimistic perspective
00:28:35.040
is don't be the guy that just creates a bunch of bullshit for everybody else to do that actually
00:28:41.680
doesn't move the needle. You might actually be the guy who says, hold on board. Like we're talking
00:28:47.260
about all these things. We don't have the budget or we don't have the time or that's not really a
00:28:51.980
problem. Let's prioritize. We've got 10 things. Everybody here wants to do. And everybody on the
00:28:57.760
board each has their own initiative that thinks that is the most important. Why don't we spend a
00:29:02.100
little time voting today on what is the most important that we're going to focus on this
00:29:06.780
quarter? And we won't ignore everything else, but it's not as big of a priority as priority number
00:29:13.140
one, which is what we all agree on. Yeah. I think you could bring some rationality to the conversation.
00:29:18.840
If you took that up, that perspective. Totally. Let me add one, one more thing for him.
00:29:23.660
Um, if, and then I'll add one more thing, cause we want to keep talking about this just like
00:29:28.640
boards, like just like the board. Yeah. Um, if they're not seeking your counsel, you're doing
00:29:35.340
the board thing wrong. Like if, if they bring things to the table because the board is asking
00:29:42.460
for it now, you know, you're just another cog in the process, right? You're creating busy work
00:29:46.340
for people, right? But if they're seeking out your counsel, like, Oh, I, I, I would love to get your
00:29:53.100
thoughts and opinions around this Peter and whatever. Like they need to be seeking you.
00:29:56.860
Otherwise you're, you're enact, you're, you're not an effective board member. And I'd use that as a pulse.
00:30:04.320
That's a good point. You know, what's interesting Kip about this is we have a board for the iron
00:30:08.200
council and, and I hope, I hope that I actually turned to you guys for advice. One of the first
00:30:15.220
things we do every conversation we have is who has announcements in their specific lane,
00:30:21.020
because I, I can't manage it all. And there's people who are better at things than me and other
00:30:27.000
people and people who have weaknesses and people have strengths. And so, you know, it is funny.
00:30:31.860
We're talking about it this way, but we have a board. So we kind of do. Yeah. It's some,
00:30:36.200
it's not even kind of, you guys are a board of advisors for me. Yeah. So something to,
00:30:41.360
something to consider as well. Maybe I, maybe everybody who sits on the board is like,
00:30:45.220
what the hell's right? What's Ryan's deal? I thought he liked doing this.
00:30:52.380
All right. What's next? Joe Gunter. I have been on a battle team for a while now. I feel like I'm
00:30:58.860
drifting. Can you guys share some of your best and worst experiences and being on a battle team?
00:31:04.900
If you were to structure a battle team again, what would it, what would you do to improve?
00:31:11.360
Yeah. Well, the best thing about a battle team is that you all get really close and you start to
00:31:17.560
know your strengths and weaknesses. And then the worst thing about a battle team is kind of the
00:31:22.900
same thing. You get so close and you become such good friends that you can no longer hold each other
00:31:28.440
accountable at a high level. And that's the problem. That's what happens when you become too friendly.
00:31:34.640
You no longer have the ability to hold each other accountable. Um, another thing that happens is
00:31:41.620
Kip, I begin to see all of your deficiencies in addition to mine. And then I start thinking even
00:31:46.620
subconsciously, who are you to tell me that I'm not doing a good job? Yeah. Cause I know about
00:31:53.420
that's a problem. Yeah, exactly. So it's good in a lot of ways, but over time it can be a real
00:32:00.020
problem. And then there's complacency that slips in and there's boredom that slips in because it's
00:32:07.420
monotonous and it's always the same. So Joe, what I would encourage you to do immediately go to another
00:32:14.460
battle team immediately. That is the next step. Go sit on two, three, four other battle teams. Maybe
00:32:22.100
there's some battle team leaders or guys in the iron council that you've been inspired or motivated
00:32:26.080
by go sit on one of their teams. And by the way, this applies whether you're in the iron council
00:32:31.680
or not. Let's say you're part of part of another mastermind group, or you're part of a coaching
00:32:37.920
organization, mix it up every once in a while, give it long enough that you can actually produce
00:32:43.780
results. You know, I often think of people who go to the gym and they do something for a week and
00:32:47.980
they're like, it's not working. It's like, well, you spent 10 years on the couch. Give it
00:32:52.060
a second. Like it might take a little longer than 10 days to see the results that you're after.
00:32:58.280
So give it long enough that it can actually produce results for you, but don't give it so
00:33:02.880
long that it becomes stagnant and complacent and familiar because that's just not doing you any
00:33:08.620
favors. So what I would say about building a battle team, and we've actually discussed this
00:33:13.680
as a board is encouraging, if not making it a mandatory obligation for men to switch teams
00:33:22.680
every so often. I don't know what that number is and we're not doing that right now, but it's
00:33:28.200
something we've just discussed for exactly the reasons that we're talking about right now,
00:33:32.920
but you don't need to wait till. And if that happens, go find a new team today.
00:33:39.920
Yeah. And Joe, there might be, you know, maybe, maybe before the team switch, you know, make sure,
00:33:46.880
right? Like in my drift and because I've lowered my standards, I'm being complacent, right? Maybe the
00:33:54.860
team's still killing it and you're having what, when I think I remember years ago, I was on echo
00:34:00.860
and we're having a team call. And I remember getting off the call one night. I remember this
00:34:06.260
night because it was profound for me. And I remember thinking that was a superficial BS meeting.
00:34:18.020
No one was dressing big, important things. No one was authentic. Everyone's skirting around
00:34:24.160
hypothetical conversation about, you know, what could be a problem. No one was talking about
00:34:29.780
problems. And I'm like, Oh my God, we're just talking heads. I'll listen to each other, talk,
00:34:36.840
feel good about ourselves and hanging up a phone call. And I remember thinking like, that's not
00:34:41.420
what I want. And I remember, and then at the time I was reading a dichotomy of leadership by,
00:34:48.300
by Jocko and Leif. And, and you mentioned one of the dichotomies literally at the front of this
00:34:54.400
question in our, in, in our, in regards to our response. And I was like, lead from the front.
00:35:00.240
So the next call I joined the call. I'm like, guys, I need to clear something up. I'm playing
00:35:05.300
small. I'm not sharing what I should be sharing on this call. I'm not really struggling or I'm not
00:35:11.040
really sharing my struggles. I'm not seeking you guys's advice because I'm hopping on this call
00:35:16.180
thinking I should have my shit together. And I don't want to look bad in front of you guys.
00:35:20.160
And I, and because of that, I'm playing smaller than I should be. And I'm, I'm not going to do
00:35:26.380
it anymore. And my commitment is to be raw and real with you guys. And my ask is that you do it with
00:35:32.580
me. That was a major change in that team, but it required me to do something about it. So be careful,
00:35:41.380
Joe, that you're not walking away from the team because the team's not doing what you wish they
00:35:45.320
would do. Maybe, maybe you're the one that needs to say something. Maybe you're the one that needs
00:35:50.560
to lead from the front. I mean, I'm glad you said that is a classic Kip answer of, Hey, fix it where
1.00
00:35:57.220
you are. Right. I'm not even saying that as a joke. Like I'm saying that is classic Kip, fix it where you
1.00
00:36:03.460
are, do what you can, and then you can evaluate. So I'm glad you took it that way. And, and, you know,
00:36:09.200
you talked about making sure that you were changing, that you were looking for it. And you also alluded to
00:36:14.580
this, you, you owe it to the team to communicate with them. And I didn't say that because that
00:36:22.520
didn't really cross my mind until you started talking, but you owe it to your team leader who
00:36:26.900
is trying to serve you. And you owe it to your team members to say, Hey guys, like maybe I'm not
00:36:32.740
doing it all I can do, but also I've noticed we're starting as a team to become complacent.
00:36:38.400
We are not holding each other. We are not talking. We are not communicating. We are not doing our battle
00:36:43.480
plans. I'm going to commit to do my part, but this is a problem for me and I'm not bailing.
00:36:48.500
I don't want to bail. I want to be here and stay here with you guys. This needs to change. So what
00:36:54.080
can we do? So I like that you're talking about leading from the front, leading yourself, and then
00:36:58.380
also communicating with the team. It's the same thing with a relationship, a romantic relationship.
00:37:04.280
For example, you know, one partner decides they're not getting what they want. They start
00:37:08.160
distancing themselves mentally, emotionally, physically, even no screw that. You owe that person
00:37:16.560
because you committed. You owe that person, even though it's really uncomfortable in some cases,
00:37:22.020
a conversation. Hey, look, we're not doing good. We've been drifting or I'm not happy. And here's
00:37:28.340
why I'm not happy. And here's what I would need to be happy. And I know you're not happy. And what
00:37:32.360
can I do to make you happy? Those are conversations that you are obligated to have because you committed
00:37:39.400
to doing that. And then through years of working through that and talking and communicating and
00:37:45.820
trying then and only then should we consider, is this what we should be doing? But you cannot
00:37:51.700
consider that until you've been honest with the person and upfront and given them an opportunity
00:37:56.720
to participate in the change that you'd like to see. Cause I think you'd be surprised.
00:38:01.380
They probably would actually like to be engaged in that with you.
00:38:05.520
Totally. Totally. Elijah Elliott, what are your top three recommended skills to acquire and develop
00:38:14.080
as a man and why, and what are some tips on how to develop and master them? Top three recommended
00:38:21.220
skills to acquire and develop as a man. Um, Friday, I'm writing these down. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Well,
00:38:31.100
there's a lot more. I'm trying to whittle it down. Okay. So I have three. Okay. Number one is I'd say
00:38:36.840
the, and these aren't in any order, but number one is the ability to communicate effectively a man's
00:38:43.060
ability to articulate a message, a thought, an idea, cast vision, enlist other people, motivate, inspire,
00:38:53.540
push, pull, drag, do whatever you need to do. Your ability to use your words is especially in this day
00:39:02.120
and age, more important. I think than it's ever been. We are communicators. We are networkers by
00:39:08.340
nature. We are in relationships, all kinds of different relationships. And there is not a single
00:39:14.000
opportunity or a single responsibility that a man has that doesn't require him to excel in his ability
00:39:21.500
to communicate clearly and effectively. And communication is different. Whether it's on
00:39:25.920
this podcast, Kip, if you and I are having a conversation in person, the way that you and I
00:39:30.600
communicate is going to go different than the way we're doing it right now. Right. Or if we were
00:39:36.200
presenting to a stage of a thousand or 10,000 people, I'm going to communicate what I'm sharing now
00:39:41.760
different. So your ability to communicate in all environments you find yourself in is crucial.
00:39:46.540
So that's number one. Um, again, not any order. Number two, I would say is self-defense.
00:39:53.540
You need to be strong. You need to be able to be aware of your surroundings. This is a lot of
00:39:59.880
skill sets kind of balled into one. Uh, you need to be physically capable. You need to know how to
00:40:05.180
handle a firearm. You need to carry a firearm and, or a knife, depending on your situation and where you
00:40:11.340
live. You need to be able to use your body as a weapon, throw a punch, take somebody down,
00:40:16.120
defend yourself, strangle somebody, break an arm, like whatever you need to do. You need to know
00:40:22.440
how to do that and work on becoming more proficient in self-defense. And I think even primary to that
00:40:28.200
is keeping you and your family out of those situations. Prime example. And all men, I think
1.00
00:40:34.340
know this, and I don't know if it's inherent, but I've never heard a man not know this.
00:40:38.140
My, uh, let's see, my son and I, yeah, it was my, my second son and I went to lunch. I take
00:40:45.360
one of my children to lunch each week. So, uh, I took my second son to lunch last week and we sat
00:40:51.600
down in the restaurant and he sat down in my seat and I said, Hey bud, switch me spots.
00:40:58.800
And he's like, okay. And he said, why did you want to switch spots? And I explained to him why it's
00:41:03.420
important that my back is against the wall so I can see everything. Now he may not fully grasp or
00:41:08.100
understand that, but that's a little thing that every man should do to keep himself and his family
00:41:13.100
and his people safe. You need to be able to see the entire field. Uh, and then the third component
00:41:18.480
is I just call it usefulness, know how to do shit. If the plumbing goes out, you know, and, and it,
00:41:27.020
the, like the toilet breaks, you should know how to fix the toilet, basic electrical, um, being just
00:41:33.960
handy, having tools, knowing how to change the oil or a change of tire on your truck, like being
00:41:41.420
useful. If like hanging a picture on the wall, straight and level, can you even do that? Like
00:41:48.600
all these little things around the house with your vehicle at the office, you want to be the guy that's
00:41:53.660
capable. I remember I was at a, um, a football game. I think it was last year and I'm just sitting
00:42:01.120
there on the bleacher. It was actually lacrosse. I was sitting there on the bleachers and I was
00:42:04.180
watching my oldest son play lacrosse and just enjoying the game. I really love the game. And
00:42:08.200
I'm just sitting there, just minding my business. And I hear a friend, his name's Dan and he's three
00:42:12.920
or four, uh, benches up and his son's playing as well. He's like, Hey Ryan. And I turn around and he's
00:42:18.840
like, Hey, do you have a knife? I'm like, yeah. So I grabbed it out of my pocket and gave it to him.
00:42:23.500
He's like, I knew you would. I asked you because I knew you would have a knife. And that was the
00:42:28.400
greatest compliment. He could have paid me in that moment because he knows that guy has the tools.
00:42:34.000
He knows how to use them. And if anybody's got a knife on his hand on hand, it's him. And that
00:42:38.840
should be you. So those are my three. I love it. I love it. Um, we're getting close on time. So I,
00:42:45.520
I kind of wanted to move on to a couple more if that's okay. Okay. Yep. Uh, Brandon Clement,
00:42:50.320
when you are an underdog and rise through smoke and ashes as a winner, how do you keep this momentum
00:42:58.980
and not let up and give into the idea that you have made it? Always be the underdog.
00:43:06.220
Just aim higher. That's it. Like, let's say, um, let's say you got a promotion at work and you're
00:43:13.760
on cloud nine and you're so excited. There was three or four other people in the office vying for the
00:43:17.940
position and you got it. Cool. What's next? Congratulations. Celebrate it. Honor it.
00:43:24.000
And you know, be, be excited about it. I'm not saying that be excited. You earned it. You deserve
00:43:28.180
it. If you didn't, you wouldn't have it. So you can do that. But then you can also think, well,
00:43:32.560
what's next? I want to be the best at this thing. If your goals end at your next goal,
00:43:39.200
I mean, what is it? That's boring. Life's miserable. There's been things that I've wanted
00:43:47.660
in life that I've looked back on now at 43 years old. And I'm like, man, I remember when
00:43:52.620
I wanted to make a hundred thousand dollars a year. That seems like so long ago. And then
00:44:00.060
I remember when I wanted to make, make seven figures. And that seems not all that long ago.
00:44:07.540
And then like, I remember all of these like little things that came up that I I've had
00:44:13.900
and I didn't really mean all that much to me. And I don't, I'm not saying that's a good thing
00:44:19.480
necessarily, but I just, I'm always thinking about what is the next big thing? What motivates
00:44:26.040
me next? And you know, this, cause even when it comes to events and you've said this, you're
00:44:30.620
like, well, I kind of liked that event. I'm like, we've already done that event. We've done
00:44:33.500
it a dozen times. What's next? Like, it's a great event. You're not wrong. It's a great event. And
00:44:40.480
it served a lot of people. I'm sure there's a lot of people who'd love to continue to do that. But
00:44:43.920
like, what, what are we doing next? I just need to be excited. And maybe that's some like ADD or
00:44:49.780
something like that kicking in. But that's what keeps me motivated is I'm thinking about what's
00:44:55.120
bigger, better, greater, grander, impacts more people, makes more money, serves more people.
00:45:00.300
Like that's, that's where I'm at. Yeah. Well, what I find interesting about this statistically,
00:45:06.660
Brandon, um, as you get older and I don't think it's age, actually, I think it's success. But as
00:45:14.440
people move up in their levels of, of success, they actually become less coachable
00:45:21.080
and they become less coachable because I've made it. I know my stuff. I have 20 years of experience
00:45:29.200
doing this. Right. And, and you start getting a little bit too much ego and, and thus you're not
00:45:38.520
rising. You're not an underdog. An underdog accepts that they're an underdog and goes, Hey, I'm,
00:45:45.600
I am the underdog, but I have the confidence to not be one anymore. But it is also in the space of
00:45:54.800
dealing in the reality that you are the underdog, which is humility. So I like to couple those two
00:46:01.920
things together. I think people could be humble and not progress. Oh, I don't know that. I don't
00:46:07.180
know that, but you got to be confident enough that you can know it. So it's confident, humility,
00:46:14.060
constantly balancing, knowing that it's, you're capable of progressing and learning and getting
00:46:20.800
better while also, also checking that you may not know how to get there yet and, and keeping your
00:46:27.560
ego in check. I, the word yet is always the most important just yet. Like I don't make, cause a lot
00:46:35.320
of guys will put a period at the end of the sentence. I don't know that I don't make six figures period.
00:46:40.420
Okay. Like, and finish the sentence yet. And so I'm going to do X, Y, and Z, or I don't, I don't bench
00:46:50.320
350 pounds. Well, I know you're not strong enough yet. Like fit, like, isn't that the natural finish
00:46:59.020
the sentence yet? So I'm going to do X, Y, and Z, but most people put a period halfway through the
00:47:06.540
sentence. And that's the problem. Can I give a little small example about asking questions?
00:47:12.920
Cause I think asking questions is huge. So yesterday it was a beautiful day in Southern
00:47:17.560
Utah. The kids were kind of restless in the morning. I'm like, let's get outside. So we went
00:47:21.520
outside, we played basketball, we rode bikes and the kids wanted to go down to the park and Brecken
00:47:26.620
brought my oldest, brought his lacrosse sticks. And he's like, let's play lacrosse. I'm like, cool.
00:47:31.060
And I was fairly athletic. I wasn't like the biggest or most capable, but fairly athletic when I
00:47:36.520
was younger. And so we're playing lacrosse and that's harder than you'd think. If you
00:47:41.060
haven't done it much, it's really hard. It's actually, it's actually a miracle. I can't catch
00:47:45.860
it. Yeah. It's a miracle that a human being can catch that ball. It's a whole other conversation.
00:47:52.680
Him and I were talking about the miracle of your eyeballs, picking up light detections of
00:47:59.640
differences in light and a ball traveling at 70 plus miles an hour. And you're not even catching
00:48:05.820
it with your hand like a baseball. You've got this six foot or nine foot pole or whatever
00:48:11.260
it is. I think it's three and six feet pole and you're grabbing it out of mid air. And
00:48:17.800
the net is just big enough that the ball fits just perfectly. It's a, it's a miracle of God's
00:48:25.700
creation that you can even catch the thing, but we can. So I'm trying to do this and I'm
00:48:30.880
not doing very well. He's like, can I show you something? And my knee jerk reaction,
00:48:35.140
and I didn't say this, but inside I'm like, what? Yeah. What? He's like, can I change something
00:48:43.740
about your stance? And inside I'm like, okay, sure. I'll sure. Little boy, you can show me.
00:48:50.760
And he comes over and he's like, here, try this. He's like, put your elbow at the end of
00:48:55.400
the pole. And then the length from your elbow to your palm of your hand, that's where your
00:48:59.000
hand should be. He's like, your hands are either too far apart or too narrow together.
00:49:03.140
I'm like, whatever. And so I did it at the distance he told me to. And the first throw
00:49:08.560
I was like, oh shit, that actually works. And we have to ask ourselves, even with our
00:49:17.140
kids, like how often are you willing to be the student? And we have a mutual friend.
00:49:24.500
I don't know if I, no, I'll say who it is. It's Matt Jenkins. Matt Jenkins is a perpetual student.
00:49:33.600
And this is not what I'm going to say next meant as a slight at all. It's not, it's a compliment.
00:49:39.980
He is willing to look so foolish in order to learn. Have you noticed that about him?
00:49:46.080
Absolutely. He has no, it's not an issue for him. It's not an issue, which is why he knows so much.
00:49:54.640
And you know, it really shines language. Yeah. Have you ever seen him speak a language that he
00:50:00.140
doesn't really know, but he just does it with a person that speaks that language. And he sounds so
00:50:06.560
dumb. And the other person's like looking at him weird and he doesn't care. He does it anyways.
00:50:14.700
And then actually what ends up happening is he wins over the person he's talking to. Have you
00:50:20.780
noticed that? Yeah. At first they're like, this is weird. But at the end they're excited and they're
00:50:25.660
teaching him and he's absorbing. He's like, well, what about this? How do you say this? Or like,
00:50:30.580
where do you put the inflection? I've seen him do it countless times. And I'm always so fascinated
00:50:35.520
with his ability to do that and his total disregard for the way that he looks in the name of learning
00:50:42.820
something new. It's, it's incredible to me. Yeah. That's, that's a really, it's really,
00:50:50.220
that's spot on. It's exactly who he is. That's great. Yeah. It's incredible. I love it. And he,
00:50:57.100
and you can't help but love that. Everybody loves him because he's humble and he's eager to learn new
00:51:03.280
things and do new things. And he's not dumb. He picks it up fast. Yeah. You know, he, he gets
00:51:09.020
tossed something. He's like, implements it immediately. Speed of action. I'm like, this
00:51:12.560
guy is incredible. Yeah. That's great. Uh, do you have time for one more? One more. Let's do one
00:51:18.620
more. Okay. Chris, uh, Henningston or Henningston. How do you deal with a divorce that has little hope
00:51:27.460
of reconciliation after a failed attempt to reconcile, even when you don't want to give up?
00:51:33.660
So I'm assuming deal with a divorce coming pending divorce. Yeah. A pending divorce. Yeah.
00:51:42.380
Yeah. Well, so I've got a good friend. His name's Keith Yackey. He, he runs a program called the
00:51:48.280
marriage game or the married game, marriage game, married game. Sorry, Keith. I can't remember what
00:51:52.940
it is right now, but marriage game or married game. I feel bad. I'll look it up. I'll look it up.
00:51:57.620
Keith Yackey. Yeah. Keith Yackey. And here's what he said to me as I was going through the prospect of
00:52:04.260
a divorce. He said, Ryan, whether you reconcile or not, you only have one play. There is only one
00:52:14.260
play regardless of what you want. And that is to be the best man that you can be. And if there's any
00:52:22.300
hope of reconciliation, then that play is the only thing that will work is you getting in shape,
00:52:30.360
you gaining new knowledge, you excelling in your career, you being present and engaged with her and
00:52:36.900
your kids. If that's the case, everything you can do to make yourself into the best man possible.
00:52:42.860
That is the only thing that you can do. If this is going to work and you have to do it for yourself.
00:52:49.340
If you do it for her, it doesn't count. You have to do it for yourself. And conversely,
00:52:55.840
if it doesn't work out and it's not going to work because it's too little too late or too far gone or
00:53:02.620
whatever else it might be, the only play you have to have a better life moving forward
00:53:09.220
is to be the best man that you possibly can be. Get in shape, develop new skills, keep communicating
00:53:17.540
with her in a respectful way and obviously building a relationship with your kids, work on your
00:53:21.580
career, work on your spirituality, get your financial house in order. So that actually should
00:53:28.260
bring you a little bit of hope and encouragement because there's no two different strategies
00:53:33.480
depending on where you're at. There's only one strategy and it will either work in that your
00:53:38.960
marriage will be better or it will work in that the marriage is too far gone and you're going to be
00:53:44.900
a great, great catch for the next woman to come into your life. And if that's the case,
0.96
00:53:50.400
I promise you, there are more women. Another woman will come into your life when you're ready,
1.00
00:53:54.900
when it's ready, when you're good and ready. But if you want to speed up that process
00:53:58.240
and live a more fulfilled, happy, engaged life pre or post divorce, you have one play. That's it.
00:54:06.980
Well, it's a great way to wrap up the married game, married game. As soon as you started looking,
0.68
00:54:14.160
I remember the married game. Check it out. It's a great, great resource. I've personally gone
00:54:19.060
through it. Um, and we have guys in the iron council who've gone through. In fact, he's in
00:54:23.520
the iron council. Keith put together a course for members of the iron council. If you go over to left
00:54:28.980
sidebar and you look at courses that his course will come up. It's free. It's available to you inside
00:54:35.320
the iron council because you're a member. Excellent. All right. Well, thanks gentlemen
00:54:40.500
for your guys's questions today, guys from the IC to learn more about the iron council. Once again,
00:54:45.820
that's order of man.com slash iron council. Uh, maybe a call out around our AAR after action review.
00:54:53.740
Um, that's a process that we follow within the IC. It's a free resource that you could, uh,
00:54:59.480
get online and that's order of man.com slash AAR. And then I think the key thing is, uh, we have a
00:55:07.420
large event coming up in May, May 1st through the 4th. That's the men's forge. Uh, you can learn more
00:55:13.360
about that event at the men's forge.com. That's right. Well guys, great questions today. I really
00:55:19.900
appreciate them all. We talked about the caliber and quality of questions just a couple of weeks ago,
00:55:23.880
and it keeps rolling in like that. So very honored to be on the path. I mean, Kip and I are on the
00:55:29.440
path, you know, some, in some ways, maybe a little further ahead in some ways, maybe a little further
00:55:34.200
behind. We're all on different paths. Um, but we're, I'm learning, I'm not going to speak for
00:55:39.340
you, Kip, but I am learning just as much from you guys, uh, from the questions that you're asking
00:55:44.840
from guys in the iron council that I see their posts and I engage with them that things I've never even
00:55:50.440
thought of that I'm implementing in my life that is serving me too. So in a lot of ways,
00:55:54.440
sometimes I feel selfish. I, I, I tell people often I'm the biggest beneficiary of the work
00:55:59.120
that we're doing. So I am grateful for everybody. Anyways, guys, that's it. We'll be back on Friday
00:56:04.940
until then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.
00:56:14.140
Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life
00:56:18.780
and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.