Order of Man - Masculinity vs. Society, Connecting with a Disinterested Wife, and Working with Close-Minded People ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan

00:00:27.440 Mickler and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and order of man. I just had a Facebook

00:00:34.060 memory come up just this morning and it said something to the effect of, Hey, if you guys

00:00:39.760 are interested, I'm going to be starting a new movement. You can go check out our Facebook page

00:00:43.880 at order of man. And that was February 25th of 2015. So pretty cool to see. We've been on this

00:00:51.900 path now for five years and it is absolutely incredible. I've been honored to stand with

00:00:57.100 you men who are listening and who are tapped in and banded with what we're doing. You've definitely

00:01:02.240 helped me on my path to becoming a better man. And I hope that we're doing that via this podcast

00:01:07.000 and our movement and other things that we're doing for you as well. If guys, if you're new to the show

00:01:12.180 today and the podcast, this is a resource, a guide, a, a series of conversations, if you will,

00:01:18.820 that hopefully will give you the tools and conversations and resources and direction and focus

00:01:23.700 and clarity and everything that you need to step up more fully as a man. I know that there's a

00:01:28.700 vocal minority of, of men, of people in society who seem to reject what it means to be a man and

00:01:35.920 masculinity. And although it's a minority at this point, I really feel like if we don't step up and

00:01:40.840 talk about these things and have these conversations and show ourselves and our families and neighborhoods

00:01:45.900 and the world in general, what it means to be a man and how important it is we are in society,

00:01:49.780 then that trend will continue to grow. And it's my job to put a stop to that trend, reverse the trend

00:01:55.300 and really help us all step up the way that we want to. And frankly, we have a moral obligation

00:02:00.560 to now this podcast is not an interview show. Like I do on Tuesday, this is your ask me anything.

00:02:06.060 So today I'll be fielding questions from our Facebook group, which you can find at facebook.com

00:02:11.700 slash groups slash order of man. Normally I have my co-host, Mr. Kip Sorensen, who's been with us

00:02:17.880 for a very long time now. I believe he's, well, he's traveling. I think he's in India right now.

00:02:24.380 So we decided that I would run this one solo today. And I've got a lot of great questions.

00:02:29.820 I've gone through some of the questions and just taking a look and see what, what is available and

00:02:35.080 what you guys want to hear about and talk about. And if you've got questions, I've got answers,

00:02:38.700 whether they're right or not will be yet to be determined. You guys can listen in, let me know

00:02:44.700 what you think. And that is a good point too, is also make sure that you're continuing this

00:02:49.360 conversation with me on the socials, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, wherever you are

00:02:54.940 regarding social media. I'm most active on Instagram and that's at Ryan Mickler. So you can make sure

00:03:00.540 you're connected with us over there and we can continue this conversation offline or I guess

00:03:06.040 online, not on this podcast. Anyways, guys, let's get into the questions today. Again, from our Facebook

00:03:11.660 group specifically, got a lot of good ones and we'll get right into it. All right, here we go.

00:03:16.760 Number one, Jason Schmidt. He says, as you break through to the next level of success,

00:03:21.440 sometimes the work may require you to work through burnout. Anything that you've done to identify and

00:03:28.160 flank the burnout. Well, I will say that burnout is not something that I am used to. It's not something

00:03:36.080 that I've had to deal with. I'm fully engaged with what we're doing here. So I would say the first

00:03:40.120 thing to even consider before you get into that burnout stage is consider if what you're doing

00:03:44.640 is something that's deeply meaningful and significant to you. If it's not, then I would

00:03:50.480 consider coming up with a plan to move into something that has more impact and meaning in your life.

00:03:55.480 It's very, very important. Now that's not to say that I don't get tired or deal with things that

00:04:00.840 maybe necessarily I don't, I don't want to deal with or that the, the job, and it is a job. A lot of

00:04:06.700 people seem to think that sometimes I'm just dinking around on social media all day, which is

00:04:10.560 the furthest thing from the truth. But there are times where it's going to get monotonous and boring

00:04:15.540 and tiresome. And you know, you just have to kind of chug through it. So I would say number one is

00:04:21.380 make sure that you're tapped into the reason why you're doing what you're doing. Now, I know that's

00:04:27.180 cliche. I know knowing your quote unquote, why is something that we've heard over and over and over

00:04:33.520 again, to the point where it's lost a lot of its impact. But the reason we hear so much about it

00:04:37.580 is because I believe it's true. If you're tapped into why you're doing the things that you're doing,

00:04:42.620 and it is deeply, deeply meaningful and significant and personal to you, then I think you're going to

00:04:48.200 have a better time dealing with the monotony and the potential burnout. I would also say one of the

00:04:54.040 reasons that I don't feel like I have a lot of burnout with regards to order of man is because

00:04:58.980 I am constantly thinking about what's next, what's next, what's next, what's next. Okay.

00:05:05.560 We did this event. Cool. How can we change it? How can we tweak it? How can we make it better?

00:05:08.920 Do we need to do a different event? Or I've had these types of guests on now, how can I have

00:05:12.840 a new guest on? And so I'm constantly thinking about ways to elevate our current level of success.

00:05:19.040 I know that burnout for me in the past has come because I've been very complacent and

00:05:24.300 uh, written on my coattails of success for too long. And when you're thinking about and planning

00:05:31.120 and then actively pursuing bigger and greater and grander and more successful and more profitable

00:05:36.640 and, and more elaborate and more professional, and you're thinking about what the next level is,

00:05:42.340 I think it's difficult. At least it has been for me, uh, to experience any sort of burnout because

00:05:49.300 everything's new, right? It's always new and exciting because you're thinking about the next big,

00:05:52.560 big thing. So again, just to recap and reiterate, number one is find something, find work that's

00:05:58.540 meaningful and impactful. That's number one. So you don't get into that burnout. Number two

00:06:02.780 is making sure that you tap into and remember why you're doing what you're doing. And then number

00:06:07.840 three is looking for what's next. So you can keep that anticipation and excitement where it should

00:06:12.580 be. All right. Jeremy Piper respecting, he says, respecting others' lifestyles and being open-minded

00:06:18.920 examples. Uh, examples, the post over the weekend to my home defense post and the post about processing

00:06:24.740 a cow. So let me give you a little bit of a backstory here in the Facebook group. Uh,

00:06:29.000 occasionally we'll have guys post about firearms or home defense or protection. Uh, and then also

00:06:34.920 hunting, or in this case, Jeremy's talking about slaughtering and butchering or butchering your own

00:06:39.480 cow. Uh, and it's funny because it seems to me that when you talk about these two subjects in

00:06:45.320 particular firearms and hunting or, uh, eating meat in general, there's always this really strange

00:06:53.240 backlash from a very small minority of people, but they seem to be the most vocal and frankly,

00:06:59.940 the most annoying. Uh, look, if you don't want to own a firearm, uh, if you don't want to, uh,

00:07:06.760 slaughter your own cow or go hunting. Cool. That's fine. I think you have a right to do that. I think

00:07:14.180 that's your prerogative. Uh, but you don't need to, uh, attack somebody else or, or, uh, condemn

00:07:23.200 somebody else because they've chosen to live that lifestyle. It's amazing to me, just the amount of

00:07:30.420 intolerance from the quote unquote tolerant people. It seems they're only tolerant if, if you happen to

00:07:37.360 be in line with their viewpoints and their beliefs and anything that might fall outside of that, then

00:07:42.160 they become intolerant of, so it's kind of ironic to say the least, but look, there's nothing inhumane

00:07:47.840 or, or bad or evil about, uh, protecting yourself using a firearm. The overwhelming, the vast majority

00:07:57.300 of firearm owners in the United States are mature. They're responsible. They're ethical. They don't

00:08:05.360 want to use their firearms. I know I certainly don't to have to defend myself because that would be,

00:08:09.740 that's a bad situation. If I'm in that situation, I'm in a very bad situation and leading up to

00:08:15.480 something like that. I always try to prevent and keep myself out of those situations. But you know,

00:08:20.620 if I find myself in the set of circumstances where I'd have to draw and use my firearm,

00:08:24.640 then I want to be prepared and ready and capable of using that tool guys. That's all it is using that

00:08:31.540 tool to be able to protect myself and my loved ones. Uh, and specifically Jeremy's talking about,

00:08:37.340 uh, where I talked about the home defense post that I made in the Facebook group is, uh, a couple of

00:08:43.060 days ago at about two 30, two 45 in the morning. Uh, we heard somebody trying to get into our house.

00:08:49.960 So my wife and I jumped up, I grabbed my firearm. She grabbed her firearm. Uh, the dog was already awake

00:08:56.520 and on alert. And, uh, we pulled up the security camera and, uh, saw that there was this guy who was

00:09:03.380 obviously inebriated. He was very drunk, uh, tried to get into our house. So, um, by the time that we

00:09:13.440 had turned off the cameras, he had left the front door and, uh, I couldn't see him anymore. He had

00:09:18.940 walked away. He had walked out of the view of our cameras. And, and so I walked to the perimeter of

00:09:23.560 my house inside the house. I didn't go outside, uh, inside the house to see if I could track this guy

00:09:27.920 down. Cause I didn't know if he went around the back or he went around the side. I wasn't sure where he

00:09:31.660 was. So, uh, looked out all the windows, couldn't find him, couldn't locate him. My wife at this

00:09:35.900 point had already called the police, which was good. We have a plan, right? And she executed the

00:09:40.260 plan and I executed the plan. And, uh, anyways, I, I looked out the front window and I see this,

00:09:45.300 this guy's car, I assume it's his car. And I can't really make out whether or not he's inside of his car

00:09:51.200 or outside still near our house. So fortunately the police come, um, amazed at how quickly they

00:09:57.220 responded. So very appreciative of that. And, uh, they ended up doing a field test and we watched

00:10:04.120 them do the field test on this guy. And he, frankly, he couldn't even stand up as soon as

00:10:07.640 he started to walk. So obviously drunk, um, probably just thought it was his house. Or I

00:10:13.000 think the police officer said he, he, he thought our house was a church maybe, which is kind of weird,

00:10:17.200 but whatever. Um, I guess when you're drunk like that, then you can start to see things that aren't

00:10:21.740 there. Uh, anyway, so they arrested this guy and then towed his, his vehicle off our property.

00:10:27.400 Uh, so yeah, it was an interesting night. Um, but you know, it's funny. Cause I had a lot of guys

00:10:31.240 are like, well, it's probably just a drunk guy. You overreacted. No, a man prepares for the worst

00:10:36.640 plans for the worst uses those plans and then hopes for the best, not the other way around.

00:10:42.000 He doesn't prepare for the best and then hopes for the worst, right? Like there's an order to this,

00:10:47.220 but it's always funny just to come back to Jeremy's question. Uh, to me, it's funny anyways,

00:10:51.500 is about how, how many guys are just like so upset and gals too. So upset about hunting or firearms.

00:10:58.620 It's just, it's a very emotionally charged, uh, frustration and outrage. Uh, it's not real logical.

00:11:07.240 Uh, and these quite frankly, aren't like rational people. I should say they're probably rational in

00:11:12.420 a lot of contexts, but for whatever reason this gets to them. So as long as it's not bothering you

00:11:16.700 and hurting you and, uh, and I think there's no reason to be upset about that. Um, but it is what

00:11:23.020 it is. And these are people that we're going to have to deal with. So we make the best of it.

00:11:26.640 All right, Greg Steed, uh, when you were going through hard times in life, how do you keep

00:11:31.900 quote unquote, keep in your own lane when dealing with your wife and significant other? Uh, how do you

00:11:37.300 keep them keep them in their own lane? Wife gets frustrated with life, rakes it out, takes it out 1.00

00:11:42.360 on you. You get frustrated. Sometimes you lose it. You know, Greg, I'm having a hard time wrapping my

00:11:47.540 head around this notion of like staying in your own lane with your wife. Like, I don't think she has

00:11:53.420 her own lane necessarily. And I have my own lane. Like we're on this road of life together. So her

00:11:59.440 business is my business and my business is her business. And if I'm having a hard time, I would expect

00:12:05.020 that she get involved and try to figure out what's going on and help me talk through some

00:12:11.680 problems or whatever it is I'm dealing with and vice versa. Uh, if you're not able to have these

00:12:16.680 types of conversations when life is hard for you or life is hard with her, then I think that's

00:12:22.120 indicative of, uh, some greater problems inside of the marriage, not deal breakers necessarily, but

00:12:29.020 problems that you guys ought to address. Maybe there's some trust issues, likely some communication

00:12:34.680 issues. Uh, maybe there's some, uh, response issues. And what I mean by that is you talked

00:12:40.260 about getting frustrated and sometimes you lose it. Well, yeah. I mean, if, if you have

00:12:44.240 a track record of losing it, when she's dealing with these things, then she's probably not going

00:12:50.240 to deal with them with you in a healthy way, either she's going to react defensively or she's

00:12:55.260 not going to share it at all. And both are not conducive to a healthy relationship. So I would

00:13:00.500 really go back to the root of the problem based on the limited information I have here and

00:13:05.300 suggest that the issue is not staying in your own lane. The issue is why in the world, aren't

00:13:11.320 you guys in the same lane to begin with? And once you get to the root problem of that and

00:13:15.600 you start addressing that accordingly, uh, then I think you can have a lot, a lot easier

00:13:19.820 time in managing these difficult challenges that you might be dealing with specifically or,

00:13:24.600 or she might. So, uh, and, and by the way, if you've, uh, tore down that foundation of

00:13:31.220 trust to some degree, because of the way you've handled it in the past, this is going to take

00:13:34.580 some time. It really is. It's not going to happen overnight. And I know that I've been

00:13:38.240 guilty of this where, you know, maybe I've responded poorly and reacted in an unhealthy

00:13:42.680 way. And then my wife gets upset and then it creates some bitterness and contention within

00:13:46.440 the relationship. And then I try to fix it. Like once I do it once in the mind, and then

00:13:50.520 my wife doesn't necessarily respond the way that I want her to. Cause I have these false expectations 0.96

00:13:54.400 of how it should go. And, uh, and then I'm like, what the hell? Like, what, like I'm trying

00:13:59.200 to fix it. What was your problem? Well, you know, you have a track record of acting and

00:14:03.600 behaving one way that might've been damaging to the relationship and trying to do it once

00:14:07.780 a different way, a more healthy way is not going to repair potentially years of, of, of

00:14:12.640 damage. It takes time. So work on the trust, work on keeping your cool, be there supportive

00:14:18.540 of her, uh, ask that she be supportive of you. And, uh, remember you guys are in the same

00:14:24.180 lane, not, not differently. It's going in different paths. All right. I'm going to butcher this

00:14:28.420 guy's name. And I apologize ahead of time. Uh, Freyr von Troutenburg. I think that's pretty

00:14:35.020 close. If not, you know who you are. I hope I was close enough where, you know, who you

00:14:39.060 are. Uh, he's got a couple of different questions here. Number one, how do you manage one-on-one

00:14:43.980 time with your four kids? I do have four children. I know there's a lot of guys listening who have

00:14:47.980 a handful of kids and that becomes increasingly difficult. The more children you have sometimes

00:14:53.440 to get the one-on-one time anyways. And then number two, any tips for vacation with four kids,

00:14:57.940 uh, says six to one years old, uh, that will be fun for all of them. Uh, okay. So how do I manage

00:15:03.900 one-on-one time with each of your four kids? Here's the deal. These don't have to be big,

00:15:09.100 elaborate trips, right? I'm not talking about like going on vacation with each one of your four kids.

00:15:14.900 Although I actually do that, uh, at least once a year with them where we'll go for two or three

00:15:19.660 days and it's just me and one other kid. And that has proven to be very, very valuable.

00:15:24.680 But a lot of the times it's as simple as going to the gas station and getting a drink with my

00:15:29.840 daughter or, uh, this weekend there's, uh, Maine's fish and wildlife department has, uh, some sort of a,

00:15:37.340 a workshop, a three hour workshop for kids. I'm going to take my two oldest boys and it's going to be

00:15:41.600 me and my two oldest boys and the two youngest will be with my wife. And so we divide and conquer

00:15:46.340 a little bit, but again, these aren't big, elaborate, uh, multi-day things. These are just

00:15:52.600 like quick trips, even just taking my oldest son to the post office, him and I, and dropping off

00:15:57.640 the orders that we do together. Uh, you know, it's going to take us 20 minutes, 30 minutes tops.

00:16:03.140 And sometimes that's enough. And we get in as much time as we can, or it's just sitting,

00:16:08.180 uh, and playing Legos with my, my second son who loves Legos. And so we can play Legos for 30,

00:16:14.120 40 minutes and man, it's all good. He loves it. Uh, my daughter this morning asked if I would do a

00:16:19.180 puzzle with her. So before I came into my office and started this podcast, uh, her and I sat down

00:16:24.120 and I was there for 20 minutes, maybe 30 minutes tops. And we did a puzzle together and we laughed and

00:16:30.100 she told me some stories and I asked about her day. And it was just like a very quick way to get

00:16:34.660 some one-on-one time with her, uh, in a way that was meaningful and impactful to her. So be careful

00:16:39.300 of believing that this has to be some elaborate scheme. Although I think there are times where

00:16:44.000 maybe you should do that more often than not. It's just the, the quick, the quick minutes that

00:16:48.640 you can grab or the quick 30 or 60 minutes that you can grab throughout the day that are the most

00:16:52.160 meaningful, uh, any tips for vacation with four kids, six to one years old, that will be fun for all of

00:16:57.620 them. Um, yeah, I don't know. I mean, you're, you're just going to have to find a, uh, something

00:17:03.800 that is, is going to be fun. You know, whether that's just going to, we used to live near Las

00:17:08.300 Vegas. So we would go to, uh, one of these resorts that had the big elaborate pools and little

00:17:15.140 sandy beaches. And we would take all the kids cause my oldest kids could go on the lazy river and hit

00:17:19.620 the slides. My two youngest could play on the beach and build sandcastles. I mean, the beach is a

00:17:24.280 great example of that. Uh, there's something that, that all of them can do, uh, even like Disneyland,

00:17:30.340 you know, you can get the six-year-old on, on one ride and the one-year-old is more suited to do

00:17:34.160 another ride if, if at all. And maybe you and your wife have to trade and take turns, but yeah, I mean,

00:17:39.040 I don't have any specific tips necessarily, but just, just the fact that you're mindful, I think

00:17:43.640 will go a long way in, in, in helping with that and good luck because six to one years old with four

00:17:48.320 kids at the challenge. And, uh, I commend you for doing that. All right, Chris Dalton. He just wanted

00:17:53.860 to say thank you for everyone. Uh, you let's see, just wanted to say thank you for everything

00:17:58.780 you've done through the order of man. Uh, you've helped me lead. Uh, you've helped bleed man. I'm

00:18:03.820 butchering this question. You've let helped lead me through the darkest times of my life. There we go.

00:18:09.180 I'm now well on course to being the man I was meant to be as I anticipate the arrival of my twin

00:18:14.840 boy and girl, Chris, congratulations, man. Um, I'm honored that, uh, what we're doing is making a

00:18:21.860 difference that the message is resonating. Uh, of course I get this message and messages from

00:18:26.120 gosh, dozens of people every day on Instagram or Facebook or wherever emails and that, that are

00:18:33.780 just letting me know how impactful this work is. And I got to say, it feels good. So congratulations.

00:18:39.380 Sounds like you're on the right track and congratulations on the arrival of your twins,

00:18:43.340 your boy and your girl, exciting times ahead, hard times, crazy times, demanding times,

00:18:48.500 but a very fulfilling and rewarding times all the same. All right, Ben Killoy, what's your biggest

00:18:55.480 personal development challenge you are growing through right now? So I have two, my biggest two

00:19:00.700 challenges right now. And I've talked about this at length in the past. Number one is patience.

00:19:04.920 Like I'm always trying to figure out a way to be more patient because I want the results. I want them

00:19:11.120 now. I want to experience results. I want to produce big things and I wanted it like yesterday. So

00:19:15.920 patience is always a big thing that I'm dealing with. Uh, the other thing is making sure that I

00:19:20.240 don't become complacent, which is kind of funny because patience and not becoming complacent are

00:19:26.080 a little bit odds at odds with each other. Like I want to make sure that I continue to push the

00:19:31.060 needle. I want to make sure that, uh, I'm, I'm growing and I'm expanding and I'm trying new things

00:19:36.200 and I'm pushing harder and I'm getting higher caliber guests to come on the podcast. And, uh,

00:19:41.440 I'm improving my ability to communicate and our events are, uh, more elaborate and more successful

00:19:47.180 and fulfilling for the guys who'd come. So I'm always thinking about, you know, what's next,

00:19:52.100 what's next, what's next. And I've fallen in the trap in the past of like, just resting on my laurels

00:19:57.420 a little bit and coasting. And it's not like you can set cruise control on this ride that we call life.

00:20:03.560 Like if you take your foot off the gas, like eventually you're going to slow down.

00:20:06.800 And so I run into that. I call it the, the accordion impact a little bit. You know, you do

00:20:11.300 all this work, all this work, and it takes a little while to produce the result. And you're

00:20:14.740 working, working, working, and you start seeing the results, seeing the result. And then you take

00:20:18.040 your foot off the gas and it lags up behind a little bit, but the redo, the results gradually

00:20:24.600 fall behind, uh, because you don't continue to put your foot on that accelerator. So it's that,

00:20:31.920 that accordion effect, because when it falls behind, what do you do? You ramp up on the gas.

00:20:35.220 So for me, the trick that I'm working on and continuing to work on is making sure that my

00:20:39.840 foot is always on the gas. Uh, and then also that I'm, that I'm experiencing patience, uh,

00:20:45.540 with the growth that if I do the right things, it's going to work out and just be patient and

00:20:49.400 mindful of that and continue to accelerate Gavin Lynch. What's the hardest thing that you've

00:20:55.040 ever had to do? I mean, there's, there's things, you know, that I'm afraid of, whether it's,

00:21:01.140 you know, flying or speaking in public. Um, the, the most challenging, like, I don't,

00:21:07.080 I don't know if hardest is the right word necessarily the boat, but the most challenging

00:21:10.180 thing, uh, and difficult mentally, emotionally, and physically demanding was when I went to Iraq.

00:21:17.800 My unit was activated. Uh, we got a call into the end of 2004. And so I spent, uh, the first half of

00:21:25.820 2005, uh, stateside training. And then we left middle of 2005 and stayed in Iraq, Ramadi, Iraq,

00:21:33.640 uh, mid 2005 through mid 2006. So that was the most demanding time in my life. Uh, I was newly married.

00:21:42.500 My wife and I had been married for roughly three months when I had left, uh, or, or got activated.

00:21:47.560 I think it was five months, maybe when, when I left. And it was very, very challenging. It was

00:21:51.500 very difficult to, to come back and then to re-engage with her and try to pick up where we

00:21:57.200 left off. Those were, were demanding times, very proud of those times and the sacrifices that both

00:22:02.340 her and I made and the rest of our unit and their families as well. Uh, but very challenging for us as

00:22:07.620 well. And I'm a better man for it. And that's one of the things about it being hard is that if you make

00:22:12.320 it through and you can, you can make it through, if you make it through, when you make it through,

00:22:16.020 uh, you're going to be a better human being because of it. All right, Brian Erickson transitioning from

00:22:21.340 public service work and golden handcuffs to business ownership with employees doing, uh, automotive

00:22:27.900 repair. Well, I commend you. Good call. Good move. Um, not that public service work is badder than

00:22:34.040 there's anything wrong with it. But, uh, if you and anybody else who's listening to this podcast feels

00:22:38.940 like that's the way to go, then all the power to you. Um, I'm not sure if there's a question

00:22:45.780 necessarily in here as much as maybe just some concerns and some uneasiness. Uh, but I would

00:22:51.480 commend you again for making that decision. Very difficult thing to do and take it in stride.

00:22:56.140 Uh, I would also encourage you to surround yourself with other business owners, business owners who are

00:23:01.340 getting into it just like you are. Uh, and then of course, business owners and mentors and coaches

00:23:05.620 and counselors and friends that are further down the track than you, because they're going to help

00:23:10.220 you work through the difficult times and the challenging issues that you're going to run

00:23:15.740 through and run, run up against, um, which it's going to be demanding at times. It's going to be

00:23:19.940 frustrating because you're dealing with employees, uh, find the right employees, spend a lot of time,

00:23:24.900 uh, vetting and bringing the right people on, invest in them, uh, understand how to market.

00:23:31.160 Marketing is going to be a huge, huge issue for you. You're doing automotive repair. I imagine you

00:23:35.620 have some experience in this. Uh, otherwise I'm, I'm assuming you wouldn't have got into it so you

00:23:41.580 can get that side down, but the marketing side is going to be very, very important. So take courses,

00:23:45.320 look at what other people are doing, learn to use social media effectively. These are all ways

00:23:49.440 they're going to help you, uh, ramp up sales and, uh, create the business that you're after

00:23:53.320 commend you, Brian. Good job. Uh, Tyler, Jordan, Daniel, helping those around you,

00:23:58.320 friends and loved ones find purpose and drive to improve themselves. Embracing the quote unquote

00:24:03.600 strenuous life has had a thinning effect on my circle. Well, yeah, I mean, that's, that's to be

00:24:10.040 expected. You know, the people that want to push themselves and are motivated and aspire to do big

00:24:15.680 and grand things are fewer than those who live in complacency and mediocrity and are content with

00:24:23.040 the status quo. So I don't think that's necessarily surprising, uh, or out of the ordinary. Uh, what I

00:24:31.000 would do is I would just, and this is actually better. It's actually better that it's a thinner

00:24:34.800 circle, uh, because you can invest more time in fewer people. That's always way more effective than

00:24:41.640 investing more time or excuse me, less time in a greater number of people. I like the personal

00:24:47.860 interaction, the one-to-one and, uh, the fewer people that you can, for lack of a better word,

00:24:54.960 weed out, uh, because you're looking for those motivated, ambitious people, the better, because

00:24:59.480 then you just pour into them. It's just, it's just how it works. Uh, so it's not out of the ordinary

00:25:03.920 and it's nothing new and it's nothing other successful people haven't experienced. Just,

00:25:08.200 it is what it is now pour into those people, even though there might be a fewer of them.

00:25:12.760 Michael Cooper, how would you heal the polarized country? Uh, America is falling apart. You know,

00:25:19.060 I don't know if I completely agree with that premise, Michael, that it's falling apart. I think

00:25:24.240 again, it's, it's always the, the, the minority that's the loudest. And I think generally speaking, 0.97

00:25:30.560 uh, well, think about it this way. The, the 20 or 50 or a hundred people that are closest to you in

00:25:38.720 your life. Are you guys polarized? Are your relationships falling apart? I would argue

00:25:44.060 that they're probably not at least based on, on my experience, the 20, the 50, the a hundred closest

00:25:50.660 people in my life, the people I interact with the most, even the people I don't, you know, the lady

00:25:54.420 at the gas station or, or, or the cashier at the, at the grocery store, we're not polarized. Now,

00:26:00.260 do we believe different things? Maybe I actually don't know. And here's what I believe is that

00:26:05.020 most Americans want the same thing. We want a little money in the bank account.

00:26:10.140 Uh, we want some romance. We want to have meaningful relationships. We want to pursue

00:26:14.160 a career that there is, uh, upward mobility. Uh, we want to, uh, be able to impact other people

00:26:21.380 positively and help them in meaningful and significant ways. And I think that like everybody

00:26:25.640 wants that. I think the overwhelming majority of people want that. Now, the way that we go about

00:26:30.140 doing that is, is different, but you know, how do we heal those who are polarized by showing those

00:26:37.860 people, the type of men that we are. And that's, that's all you can do. I mean, it's, it's pretty

00:26:42.980 refreshing. Like I have people in my life who I don't necessarily agree with like politically,

00:26:47.040 for example. Um, but these are respectful people. They're, they're, they're people. I like their

00:26:53.480 people. I respect the people. I value their opinion. And it's always, it's always a breath of fresh

00:26:59.820 air to come across somebody you don't necessarily agree with, but you still respect that individual.

00:27:04.700 So if we're looking for that on the other side, whatever the other side is, then we ought to be

00:27:10.860 that, right? Like what Gandhi said, be the change that you want to see in the world. Right? So you

00:27:16.100 need to be respectful. Like I hate when I hear guys talk about, Oh, this guy's a snowflake. And it's

00:27:22.580 like, you know, not only do you sound unintelligent when you say that, like you're actually not

00:27:28.400 helping you're, you're adding to the problem. And look, that person might be emotionally sensitive,

00:27:34.220 but like to name call kind of tells me that we've lost the debate. We've lost the argument. And like,

00:27:40.880 we're resorting to this last line of defense of like poking at things that are ridiculous and stupid.

00:27:48.280 So like, I would say that we ought to take the higher road. You know, I'm not, I'm not saying get

00:27:53.360 railroad. And I'm not saying allow things to happen. I'm saying, defend yourself, be the kind

00:27:57.760 of man that even your, your, uh, the people who disagree with you still respect you, still admire

00:28:03.200 you. Uh, and I think that's how we begin to heal this country. But if we're going to take the low

00:28:07.480 road and we're going to take jabs and pop shots at people we don't agree with and make a mockery of

00:28:12.920 things that don't matter, like what they wear or what they look like or how tall they are short,

00:28:19.280 they are like, that's a stupid argument. I mean, it truly is. It's a very unintelligent,

00:28:23.780 inferior position to come from. We want to come from a position of integrity and class and respect.

00:28:30.200 Again, we want to maintain our, our boundaries and, and be bold and assertive. We don't need to get

00:28:36.860 railroad, but we don't need to take the low road either. Tristan, uh, Shinzel. Why do you so many

00:28:43.000 close-minded people flock to sites like this one, uh, only to rage against everything posted?

00:28:49.740 You know, some people are just miserable. That's it. Some people are just miserable.

00:28:54.560 You know, I, and I don't know why that is. I don't know what they're dealing with in their life. Why,

00:28:58.240 why that is the case. Maybe they've had a bad upbringing or some bad experience. Maybe

00:29:03.580 they've been fed the lie that they're the victims. And so anybody who's doing good and is successful

00:29:09.860 somehow, uh, it came at the expense of these other individuals. So, I mean, those, those,

00:29:17.200 those who were successful are always targeted and those who are doing good things are always

00:29:21.040 targeted. It's kind of in human nature. It's like that, that crab bucket analogy, right? The crab

00:29:26.480 tries to escape the bucket and the rest of them grab onto it for dear life and pull that crab back

00:29:30.460 into the bucket. Yeah, it is what it is. And we adjust and we react accordingly. Those people who are

00:29:37.040 just going to rage against everything that we're doing. And I try to undermine. I'm very quick to

00:29:41.360 see those people to the door so they can go complain and gripe somewhere else. It's just that

00:29:45.580 easy. Jason, Lily, what is the best advice that you've ever received from another man? I don't know.

00:29:53.520 I don't know what the best advice is, man. I've got so much advice and you know, some I've held onto

00:29:58.440 and others I haven't. Uh, my stepdad, he, he had this saying when I was playing sports, he says,

00:30:04.780 when you step onto the field in between those two white lines, you run everywhere you go.

00:30:10.240 Some, something, you know, seemingly insignificant might not mean anything to a lot of people,

00:30:15.000 but I hear things like that. And I'm like, okay, that means hustle, right? That means

00:30:18.040 when, when you're in life, like you go do the thing, there's no slowing down. There's no stopping.

00:30:22.480 There's no pausing. You go do the thing. I've had other people tell me that, you know, the number one

00:30:27.780 virtue and trait and characteristic that you could possess is to be coachable, which is something that I take

00:30:33.400 pride in doing. If somebody has advice for me, whether it's in business or, uh, in jujitsu is

00:30:40.120 like, I try to be open-minded to the advice. Uh, I try to take that into consideration if it's coming

00:30:45.660 from a qualified source. And then I try to apply it practically in, in the area of life in which I'm

00:30:50.700 dealing. I've just had so much advice. I don't know if there's one that just is like, this is the one,

00:30:55.980 the best advice that ever stood out for me. It's not like that. Life doesn't work like that.

00:31:00.220 Just take the tidbits of information that pop up as they can. And they do and implement them to the

00:31:06.800 best of your ability and leave what doesn't work. All right. Jason King. I have a nephew with a drug

00:31:12.760 addict, father, ex-husband to my sister. Thank God. I guess this really isn't a question, more of a

00:31:18.180 statement from listening to this podcast and hearing this, uh, men I have, or at least I think I've helped

00:31:24.160 this young man see what a man really is. I commend you. You know, this is tough. This is a tough

00:31:30.900 situation. You've got a nephew who, uh, probably doesn't have the best role model in his life,

00:31:35.460 but Jason, you can be that role model. And I think guys that we have an obligation morally

00:31:39.700 an obligation to step up, not only in the walls of our home, but once we've got things locked down

00:31:45.520 at home, then we can expand our capacity to impact nephews and neighbors and kids in the community.

00:31:51.040 And this is very, very important. And it's going to continue to become more important as we see the

00:31:56.400 rise in fatherless homes and masculinity continuing to get, uh, undermined by society and the medical

00:32:04.200 community. And of course, media and entertainment. So it's very, very important that we, as the

00:32:10.200 authentic, genuine men that we are step up and show these, these boys, what it means to be a man.

00:32:16.980 And by the way, guys, let me, let me plug something here real quick. Uh, we've got our

00:32:20.940 legacy event coming up, which is a father son event. And Jason, the reason I'm bringing this

00:32:25.860 up with you is because not only is it a father son event, it's a father, it's a, it's a boy slash

00:32:31.700 father figure event. So if you think that this is something that maybe your nephew would be a good

00:32:37.040 fit for, they've got to be between the ages of eight to 15. Uh, then this is something that you

00:32:42.440 probably want to consider. It's three and a half days of mentally and physically and emotionally

00:32:47.300 challenging and demanding situations, all designed to help usher our, our young boys into manhood.

00:32:52.360 So you can check that out. It's a June 11th through the 14th of this year, 2020. And you can go to

00:32:57.740 order of man.com slash legacy. And that's where that is. All right. Ryan Mills. He says, what is

00:33:05.040 your take on mixing business and family? How would you help inspire others to overcome the fears that

00:33:09.920 come with mixing family and business? Well, I think the fears are warranted. You know, I think there's, 1.00

00:33:14.440 there's always a challenge because when it comes to family, uh, relationships over business

00:33:20.480 relationships, the boundaries are blurred and sometimes non-existent. But when it comes to

00:33:26.580 business relationships, we have contracts and we have agreements and we have understandings and the

00:33:32.320 terms are defined. And that makes for a more conducive and constructive business, uh, business

00:33:41.180 endeavor, if you will. So when it comes to dealing with family in the business, it probably ought to

00:33:47.040 be the same way. There needs to be boundaries. There needs to be rules. There needs to be contracts.

00:33:52.600 There needs to be terms defined and put in place. I think it's great to have a family member as part of

00:33:57.820 your business. Um, that, well, the closest I can think of for me anyways is my son, but you know,

00:34:04.320 he's almost 12 and he's helping me do the orders. Like I'm the boss, right? So if you're talking about

00:34:09.220 business partnerships, the biggest thing that you can do is make sure that all these contracts are

00:34:14.460 in place, that all the paperwork is done, all the T's are crossed and the I's are dotted.

00:34:18.840 And that there's a very clear understanding and expectation of how this will work, how this will

00:34:24.000 play out. If things don't go according to plan, how will that be resolved? How will it be handled?

00:34:28.840 If you don't have this stuff in place, you're just asking for trouble. You're asking for trouble

00:34:32.740 and you will find it. Trust me. So make sure you protect yourself by having, and, and the other person

00:34:37.440 to like, this isn't just about protecting yourself. It's about protecting the person that, you know,

00:34:41.980 you care about and you love as a family member. So make sure that that person is protected too,

00:34:46.480 by having all of this stuff laid out. And that will deal with a lot of these issues and, uh, well,

00:34:51.520 and then just work with mature people, family or not just work with mature people. If they're not

00:34:55.280 mature, you don't work with them because it just won't go well. All right, Steve nickel. 1.00

00:35:00.080 I would like to see something on suicide prevention slash mental issues. Uh, the figure is frightening

00:35:05.120 here in the UK. The biggest cause of death for men under 45 is suicide. Uh, the USA shows men and 0.88

00:35:11.080 middle-aged men make up the highest percentages. Uh, we need to encourage men to talk when they

00:35:16.680 struggle. Yeah, I agree, Steve. I absolutely agree. It's, it's, it's unfortunate. I know people who

00:35:22.740 have taken their lives and it's, uh, it's a, it's a tragic, tragic, travesty. I can't even say that.

00:35:28.900 It's, it's, it's very difficult, you know, it's, um, it impacts a lot of people and it's really hard,

00:35:35.560 uh, to deal with as, as the people that are left behind. And of course, you know, I always think

00:35:41.300 about like, what must that individual who took his own life be thinking of prior to pulling that

00:35:48.280 trigger or, or, or, or taking all those, those pills, you know, it's like, what, what despair that

00:35:54.420 individual must've been in and how, how hard that is to think of. Um, I think quite frankly,

00:36:00.540 what we're doing here is a big answer to these problems. We're bending men together. We're edifying

00:36:06.880 each other. We're uplifting each other. We're encouraging each other to get better and to improve,

00:36:11.260 uh, and to expand our capacities and gain new skills and fix our relational issues and get in

00:36:17.740 shape. And all of these things have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt to help mental health. So although

00:36:23.400 we may not talk about it as specifically in the context of suicide and mental health, uh, I think

00:36:29.320 what we're doing here is a big, big, uh, reason for, well, I know, uh, we've quite literally, our group

00:36:36.780 has quite literally saved men's lives. People that are, that are dealing with suicidal, uh, tendencies

00:36:42.720 and issues and thoughts, and even actions have been rescued and saved, uh, because of the actions of

00:36:48.660 members inside of this, uh, order. So I want to thank you for doing that. Um, and I need to probably

00:36:54.380 address this a little bit more on the podcast and talk about these, uh, these mental health issues and

00:36:59.080 bringing some experts to, to discuss this because it is important. I'll be honest. Um, this is,

00:37:04.380 this is a difficult one for me. Uh, when you say we need to encourage men to talk when they struggle,

00:37:09.180 that's not something I personally like to do. Uh, when I'm struggling, I personally like to fix it.

00:37:14.880 Like, I don't, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to dwell on it. I'm not undermining

00:37:19.180 that or saying it is important. I'm just saying that that's not something I like to do. Um, I like

00:37:23.640 to make a plan and then get, get it figured out and work towards a solution. That's always worked

00:37:30.180 well for me, but I don't deal with mental health issues and I have that luxury. So yeah, I realize

00:37:36.280 this is something that needs to be addressed and talked about and we'll do our best to make sure that

00:37:39.840 we do appreciate you bring that up, Steve. Um, he said here, he's got a little verb and I don't

00:37:44.800 know how accurate the statement is, but if it is, it's pretty alarming. It says, uh, in 2008,

00:37:49.500 48,344 Americans died by suicide, almost 50,000 people, man, it's tough. All right. Uh,

00:37:59.740 Pat, Pat, Pat, it says Patrick, Patrick. It doesn't say Patrick. It says Patrick win. Uh, what do you

00:38:06.120 think distinguishes authentic masculinity from society's idea of masculinity? And how is this idea

00:38:13.500 eroding the reputation of masculinity? Well, genuine or authentic masculinity or just masculinity? Like

00:38:20.360 we don't need to, we don't need to put qualifying words in front of it. Like that's one thing that we

00:38:25.040 need to be very careful of is I run into this when I hear somebody say, uh, cisgender, right? Some of 0.97

00:38:31.280 you guys may have heard this like cisgender, cis male, cis female. And apparently what that means is

00:38:36.160 that somebody who is born as a biological, like a cis male would be somebody who was born biologically a

00:38:41.640 male. Well, you don't need to say cis male. You just need to say male, right? Because male means 0.79

00:38:46.840 biological man. That's how this works. So like, we don't need to qualify masculinity. It's genuine

00:38:53.820 masculinity. It's authentic masculinity. No, it's just masculinity. Uh, there's a great, uh, book called

00:39:01.320 manhood in the making. It's a little bit older. Uh, I wish you were newer and I'm going to continue to

00:39:05.740 look for books that, uh, have so much research and data to support the idea of not authentic

00:39:11.260 masculinity, but masculinity. And what this book shows is it's by David Gilmore that throughout

00:39:18.260 most of all of time and, and most of every culture has identified and defined, uh, masculinity as,

00:39:29.140 uh, and men as those who are protectors providers. And the third that David Gilmore has,

00:39:35.520 has acknowledged is procreation. Um, I don't, I don't necessarily agree with that because I know 0.98

00:39:41.360 that there are men who I would consider men who don't procreate, can't procreate, uh, for maybe

00:39:48.840 medical reasons or something like that. So I don't think that defines a man, but what is interesting

00:39:53.600 is to see that there is a striking similarity between cultures throughout most of time in history

00:40:01.340 that haven't even been introduced or exposed to each other, which tells me that masculinity is not

00:40:07.880 a social construct. It's not something that a group of people just randomly made up. Now I will

00:40:14.400 say that masculinity is supported societally, not constructed, but supported societally for a good

00:40:20.360 reason. It works right. When men step up into protectors, providers preside is the third P I use,

00:40:26.700 by the way, guys. And you know, that if you've been following for any amount of time leadership,

00:40:30.060 when men step into these roles, society operates better, it just works better. So both men and 0.87

00:40:39.060 women throughout all of time in history have supported the idea that masculinity serves one 1.00

00:40:46.680 purpose and femininity serves another purpose. And that's not to say there isn't crossover or there

00:40:52.700 aren't times where we may, uh, show more of a, uh, nurturing, caring, uh, role. And that's not to say

00:41:01.780 that women can't, uh, be exposed to or illustrate some sort of protection or, or leadership or, uh,

00:41:10.820 provisional roles. They have crossover, of course, but generally speaking, these are the roles that we

00:41:17.220 step into. And I'm, I'm hesitant to even say the play because it almost makes it sound like it is

00:41:22.960 constructed. It's societally. It's not, it's just reinforced societally because it works.

00:41:29.120 So now society's idea of masculinity is that it's non-existent, that it's just a construct and that

00:41:36.200 we need to break it down and break it apart and make men the same and make women the same. And there's 0.52

00:41:41.840 no distinction or difference between the two. And that's what generally I think society, or at least

00:41:47.520 the trend of society tends to go towards is that there is no such thing as masculinity or even men

00:41:55.500 for all that matter, which is why we see transgenderism. It's why we see this confusion at a very early

00:42:01.260 age. Uh, it's why we acknowledge things that aren't scientifically backed or even true or even

00:42:06.960 remotely, uh, rational or reasonable is because the whole goal is to make men and women the same.

00:42:15.560 And, and part of the reason is, is, you know, you could even look at, at subjugating people,

00:42:20.840 you know, when you want to subjugate a people, what do you do? You strip away individual rights

00:42:25.500 and any form of individuality, masculinity and femininity. That is a form of individuality,

00:42:31.540 right? When a man behaves and believes and acts in accordance with who he is as a man,

00:42:37.060 that is more individualistic than just being a cog in the wheel, a robot that just does what he's told

00:42:43.600 or does what they, they are told. Sorry, I'm supposed to use they, right? Instead of he or she,

00:42:48.400 cause I don't want to assume genders, but yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's a strategy designed to make

00:42:55.080 everybody the same so that we can be more easily manipulated and subjugated. And I, for one,

00:43:00.020 and you, for the millions of you who are listening, agree with me that it's okay to be a man. And by

00:43:05.620 the way, to the women who are listening, you know, just as well, that it's okay that you're a woman.

00:43:11.060 Being a man is not a risk or having men around or having men that step into the role of being a man

00:43:15.980 is not a risk to women. In fact, if anything, I hear more negativity about the movement here with

00:43:20.860 order of men from men than I do from women. Now, most of these men are, have bought into the lie

00:43:27.140 that there is no masculinity, that there's no way we behave or that it is societally constructed.

00:43:32.880 And we know that that's just not true according to the research and the data and everything else

00:43:37.480 that we know inherently and instinctively is the way that the world operates. So yeah,

00:43:45.420 of course it's eroding the reputation of masculinity. They're trying to do away with it altogether. 1.00

00:43:49.140 And who is they? Well, the medical community, the government, the school systems, the entertainment

00:43:55.520 and media industry, all because they want to be able to control and manipulate a little bit easier

00:44:00.080 and stripping away any form of individuality does that. All right. Curtis Cutler. He says,

00:44:06.720 tough personal one here. Do you go to, let me see. Do you go to church because of the positive moral

00:44:12.320 and family benefits, or do you believe in Jesus, uh, for the forgiveness of your sins? And that one

00:44:18.220 day he will return to judge the living and the dead. Now, look, Curtis, I'm going to try to give

00:44:23.280 you the benefit of the doubt on this one, because I don't know you. And I don't want to assume here,

00:44:26.480 but the way that you have worded this question, specifically to that last part, uh, do you believe

00:44:32.240 in Jesus for the forgiveness of your sins? And that one day he will return to judge the living and

00:44:36.160 the dead. I kind of feel like I'm being set up here. Kind of feel like I'm being set up here.

00:44:41.080 That being said, I don't care. I'm going to answer it anyways. And the answer is both.

00:44:46.260 Those two are not mutually exclusive. Like I don't need to decide that I go to church because

00:44:52.760 either because I believe in Jesus or because it's a positive moral and family benefits.

00:44:59.480 I actually think both. I believe in Jesus Christ and in God and in the Holy ghost. And I believe that

00:45:07.020 going to church and learning about him and God and living within accordance to his doctrine and

00:45:17.240 principles and guidelines that he's given us has a positive moral and family benefits. So the answer

00:45:25.080 is both. And if you weren't trying to set me up, then I misread that. And, uh, I appreciate the

00:45:32.020 question all the same. All right, Joshua Vandekamp. Do you find yourself getting tapped out more,

00:45:37.700 uh, since you trim the powerful beard of destiny? I've never heard it referred to that as the beard

00:45:42.840 of destiny. Although there's a, there's a certain ring to it. He says he's asking for a friend.

00:45:48.280 Um, well, I find myself getting tapped out more because I'm more inclined to roll with upper belts

00:45:54.620 than I used to be. I don't think it has anything to do with the beard. Uh, although I am still

00:46:00.020 trying to decide if the beard was a net gain or not, because although it did get pulled on quite a

00:46:07.800 bit, uh, it seemed to block any chokes or a lot of chokes anyways. And there's other people,

00:46:14.900 namely Andy stump who don't care that I have a beard and we'll pull on that. Just like you'll

00:46:19.760 pull on anything else and rip a big chunk of my beard out. So like trying to decide, you know,

00:46:24.360 is it, was it good or bad or, or what? Now, for those of you who don't know, I trim my beard.

00:46:28.700 I took about five or six inches off the beard and I got to say, I like it. It feels good.

00:46:33.180 It feels fresh. It feels lighter. And, uh, I look a little more professional, which I kind

00:46:37.560 of like as well, but a jujitsu has been going good. Thanks, Josh. Appreciate it, man. Chris

00:46:41.740 Mills, how to push guys to take on more responsibility now. So here's the thing I'll get

00:46:47.100 into the rest of this question here in a second. Cause there's more to it. I think the premise

00:46:51.620 is wrong. I think you've got to be careful on the way that you're phrasing this. You said,

00:46:57.320 how do you push guys to take on more responsibility? You don't push them to do it.

00:47:01.700 Okay. Now we'll get into this more. It's the same thing. When people say, how do you deal with,

00:47:07.400 how do you deal with people who are jerks? How do you deal with people who don't want to expand?

00:47:12.180 You don't like, I don't even, even need to know the rest of the question, but for the benefit of

00:47:16.620 it out here, Chris, I'll give it to you. So he says, how do you push guys to take on moral

00:47:19.840 responsibility? Again, you don't push them. Okay. In my fraternity, everyone has their own little

00:47:24.340 tasks that can take care of, but there are a million things that need to get done. Everyone

00:47:28.680 needs to start doing more for us to survive. Yes, that's probably true. And you need to do

00:47:35.700 more, right? You need to be the example. You need to be the leader. You need to be the one that goes

00:47:42.040 first. You need to be the one that recognizes and acknowledges these millions of other things that

00:47:46.900 need to get done. And you need to start stepping into them. And then also you need to connect the dots

00:47:52.480 between taking on responsibility and a benefit, right? Cause here's what a lot of people think

00:47:58.260 and see, and they've been conditioned to believe this way is that if you take on more responsibility,

00:48:03.260 there's no benefit that comes with that. Like it's just extra work. And who wants to do extra work?

00:48:09.780 Chris, it's your job because you're recognizing this and you see this to sync up, Hey, responsibility

00:48:15.260 benefit. So guys, if we do X, Y, and Z, here is the result, A, B, and C that we will produce.

00:48:21.440 And don't we want A, B, and C and everybody can agree that we want A, B, and C. Great. Let's work

00:48:26.040 backwards into figuring out a way to make this happen. And then you get to X, Y, Z. Okay. I would

00:48:31.080 also try to get buy-in from them. So if the result is A, B, and C that you want to produce, you get

00:48:38.040 these guys together, you sit down, you have conversations and you let them decide how we're

00:48:41.620 going to get there. See, if you say, Hey, you guys need to do this and this and this and this,

00:48:46.040 and you have all these tasks of things that you need to do because you can see the light at the end of

00:48:50.020 the tunnel, but they haven't bought into that yet. They're going to be less likely to take it on

00:48:54.080 upon themselves because it's just mandated, right? Nobody wants to be directed and mandated on what

00:48:59.780 to do. But if you get your guys together or your brothers together and you say, Hey guys, like, what

00:49:03.740 is it that we want to accomplish this year? And you start writing all these things down. We want to do

00:49:07.440 this. I'm going to do this. And we want to do this. And you document all these things. And then in

00:49:11.300 that same meeting, you say, great, these are all worthy goals. Let's, let's pick one of these

00:49:14.620 things out. We want to do this. Okay. Got the goal. Let's start brainstorming some of the millions

00:49:20.140 of things that need to happen over the next several months or the next 12 months in order for that to

00:49:24.560 happen. And then shut up. That's it. Just shut up. Let them work through it. And you're going to

00:49:31.220 moderate it. So if they start to deviate or get off track, you kind of rein them in, get them back

00:49:35.760 on track to what they need to do and you help them identify. And then once they've identified all the

00:49:40.520 things they need to do, then you start divvying it up. And again, it's not about you saying, okay,

00:49:45.500 you do this, you do this, you do this. That's management. And sometimes that's necessary,

00:49:49.580 but inspiration is different. Coaching is different. What you would do instead is say,

00:49:54.520 Hey, great. Here's these 10 tasks. I think these are things that we probably ought to

00:49:58.180 consider working on. We've all identified these as being priorities who would like to take on what.

00:50:04.840 And hopefully the idea is that John will raise his hand and say, Hey, I'll do that one.

00:50:09.140 And Steve will raise his hand and say, yeah, I think I can handle that. And then you start to

00:50:12.920 get buy-in from these guys and you start to get some accountability in place. That's how I would

00:50:17.620 do it. That's general. I know, but hopefully that helps and gets you in the right, the right direction.

00:50:23.420 All right. Next one. How are we doing on time here, by the way, we're at 50 minutes. So we'll try

00:50:27.380 to get through as many as we can today. Cause there's a lot of questions. And I think we've got

00:50:30.820 another, I don't know, 30 or so. All right. Chase Charles Capex says, can we get a status update on

00:50:37.720 physical order of man chapters? I'm currently getting multiple men involved in the movement.

00:50:42.360 And several of them are expressing interest in a local men's group without my promote,

00:50:46.500 without my prompting PS. My wife got me an order man shirt for Valentine's best gift yet.

00:50:51.260 That's a good wife, Chase. That's a great wife. If she's getting you order a man gear, 1.00

00:50:56.100 man, she's a keeper status update on physical order of man chapters. Quite honestly, I have not moved

00:51:01.960 this direction because frankly, I don't know if it's something I want to do. And I know, look,

00:51:05.800 here's, here's the deal. I know a lot of you guys listening are going to say, man, but we want it.

00:51:09.920 Okay, good. That that's great. I have to manage what I want and what I want my life to look like

00:51:15.900 and, and put that against or with, and work that in accordance with what you guys want.

00:51:23.060 They're not always in alignment. And I see physical groups as being something that's very

00:51:28.600 advantageous that could work very well. Uh, I'm just not convinced at this point that I want to

00:51:35.380 invest the time and the resources and an energy away from my family. That's number one is away

00:51:41.640 from my family in order to facilitate those chapters. So it's something I'm still considering

00:51:46.520 and thinking about and toying with and trying to figure out a way to do that. But I've got some

00:51:51.120 other plans in place. Um, I've got some exciting new announcements that I'll be announcing here in the

00:51:55.540 next, I would say 30 to 60 days, uh, that are a little bit more in alignment with what I'm trying

00:52:00.700 to create and, uh, what's going to be conducive for myself and my family. And again, in alignment

00:52:07.480 with what you guys want. So be patient with me on that one. Um, I'm really doing a lot of strategic

00:52:12.540 planning over the next, I would say 30 days or so, uh, with regards to some of my goals and we'll

00:52:17.400 figure out if that can fit in there or not. All right, John Stambaugh. Hey, Ryan. Uh, we talk a lot

00:52:22.700 about the importance of communication specifically around public speaking. I, uh, I think that is

00:52:27.700 huge too. One thing I see consistently is not only the art of speaking missing, but also the act.

00:52:34.840 Okay. Miscommunication. I'm sure I'm reading this right. One thing I see consistently is not only the

00:52:40.240 art of speak, speaking missing, but also the act. I don't know what that means. Uh, miscommunications

00:52:46.000 also about consistency, for example, too much or too little, John, I'm having a really hard time

00:52:52.400 understanding this question. Uh, do you have thoughts or resources that highlight the very

00:52:57.240 basics of communication as it relates to how, when, and who, and basic guidelines of clear

00:53:03.600 communication steps? It would be great to share through my industry. Uh, man, uh, resources.

00:53:10.840 I would say the assertiveness workbook, uh, will, will be a good one. Uh, crucial conversations

00:53:16.820 is another good book. Uh, I would start there. Those are two great books that are going to help

00:53:21.020 you have important conversations and help you speak clearly. And if you want to speak

00:53:24.680 in public, just Google speak in public and you'll find all kinds of books. But those

00:53:27.880 are two books specifically that I've read, uh, that have provided tremendous value to me

00:53:32.280 and how I communicate and articulate a message specifically here with order of man and all

00:53:36.440 my other interactions with people. Kelby Jones, how can you address to your wife to be more

00:53:41.600 present with you? Just ask her and also be present with her. I have little time with mine

00:53:47.100 due to traveling for work and her phone seems to interrupt or our limited time together.

00:53:51.760 You just got to talk with her about it, man. That's it. She's going to talk with her about

00:53:55.140 it. Hey, you know, hon, like I know that you've got things to do and, but man, I'm just here

00:53:59.460 so little because I'm traveling and you know, it makes me feel like you don't really don't

00:54:03.220 want to have a conversation or be together, uh, when you're on the phone. And I'm wondering

00:54:07.660 if, uh, we can just maybe set the boundary that when we are together, whether it's on a date

00:54:12.200 or, uh, eating dinner or watching a show or whatever it is you're doing, uh, that we just

00:54:17.520 put the phones away. Like, I think any reasonable woman who wants to have a good and strong and 1.00

00:54:22.740 committed relationship with you is probably going to understand that and be completely

00:54:26.020 okay with that. And also you might say, Hey hon, is there also things that I can do, uh, that

00:54:33.020 maybe will help you see that I am fully present and I am fully engaged in this relationship, but

00:54:39.320 yeah, just let her know how you feel. Like if you just come down on her and say, I don't,

00:54:43.980 I don't like when you have the phone on you, but like, that's not going to work. But if

00:54:47.000 you say, Hey, and I don't know your wife's name, but let's say it's Stephanie. Okay. Hey,

00:54:51.180 Stephanie, like the, when you have your phone out, I feel like I'm not important. And I know

00:54:57.400 that our time is so limited because of my travel. And I just really want to be fully present

00:55:02.220 with you. And it, it, it kind of stings a little bit when you're on your phone and you're

00:55:07.240 not engaged with me. So would you be okay if we just set up some boundaries around phone

00:55:13.000 usage myself too, uh, so that we can show each other how committed we are and how much

00:55:17.620 we want to be present for each other. I don't, I would have that conversation with my wife. 0.92

00:55:21.460 In fact, I've had similar conversations with my wife and she has had conversations like

00:55:24.660 that with me too. And I think any reasonable woman who wants to develop a significant and

00:55:29.280 meaning relationship will, uh, we'll understand that and act accordingly. I hope that helps Sam,

00:55:35.820 uh, Sicalis, I would say Sicalis, Sicalis. When is the right time to move on from a company?

00:55:43.160 I've been with them from day one, helped build it, have been a top earner and enjoyed my work.

00:55:47.360 But in a recent review, I was told the overhead is too much to give a raise. Now I go above and

00:55:53.020 beyond and have been told that without me, they'd be stuck and I would be difficult to replace.

00:55:58.520 Now I don't want to be a dick and I make great pay with my commission, but I'm also not here

00:56:02.700 helping for fun. Well, I think that's the right attitude. Like you're not there for fun. You're

00:56:07.320 there to earn, right? You're there to be profitable for not only the company, but for you as well.

00:56:13.200 So, you know, it's, it's easy for somebody to say, Oh, we can't replace you. We love you. We want

00:56:18.280 to have you around, but then it's much more difficult to put their money where their mouth

00:56:22.060 is. Now, a lot of organizations aren't willing to do this. So what I would say is that you ought to be

00:56:27.620 networking that you ought to be looking for other opportunities, not necessarily to leave,

00:56:32.840 but to keep your options and your flexibilities open. Cause who knows, you may, you may have an

00:56:38.060 offer from another company and let's say it's, it's 10 or 15 or 20% more than you're making now.

00:56:43.660 And you go to this company and say, Hey, you know, guys, like I'm, I'm really loyal to you guys. I,

00:56:47.860 I've been here from day one. I really like working here, but I've got this offer from this other

00:56:52.460 organization and they're going to pay me 15% more than what I'm making now. And I'm, I'm strongly

00:56:57.580 considering that. Would you be willing to review my, uh, my compensation package? If the answer is

00:57:05.120 no, then I think there's a strong case to be made that maybe you ought to strongly consider this

00:57:09.820 other organization, but the answer might be yes. Right. And if the answer is yes, then great. Now

00:57:15.040 here's what I would not do. I would not lie. I would not say that there's another organization

00:57:19.920 that could potentially give me a raise and you're going to have to match it because if they call you

00:57:24.460 on your bluff, then you're going to be in a bad situation. So you have to develop relationships.

00:57:30.800 You have to continue to network outside of you guys. This is so important. Please. If you're working

00:57:36.960 for a company, please hear me on this. Don't assume that it's always going to be that way.

00:57:42.920 If you weren't networking and you weren't meeting people and you weren't adding value outside of your

00:57:48.240 current position and you weren't looking and keeping your options open, you're really doing

00:57:53.720 yourself a disservice, like continue to build, not so you can leave or throw anybody under the bus or,

00:58:00.160 or, you know, walk out like the King. Like, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying,

00:58:04.180 keep your options open, continue to add value, continue to network, continue to meet new people

00:58:09.900 and show them how good you are and competent you are. And that way, if things come up and,

00:58:14.920 and situations arise, then there might be some opportunities. So Sam, when is the right time

00:58:20.300 to move on from a company? I think you might be, might be approaching that time. And hopefully

00:58:27.560 you've got some leads and you've got some people and you've, you've got some conversations that you

00:58:31.140 can have with other organizations. And I think I would start entertaining those ideas, maybe not

00:58:35.020 going down that path, but definitely entertaining them. All right. Nick Larson. He says,

00:58:41.600 this may have been answered before. Where and how did you find the voice at the beginning and

00:58:46.060 the end of each podcast? How did you make the decision? How do you use the voice sounds very

00:58:49.660 manly and it's obviously a great choice. Just curious. All right. I used a company or a program

00:58:55.940 called Fiverr, F-I-V-E-R-R, found a voiceover actor, told him I was looking for something that

00:59:01.900 sounded kind of like Mike rowish. And that's what he came up with that easy. Cost me 20 bucks or

00:59:07.760 something like that. So very easy. Isaac, uh, via Lobos, how to manage when you feel distant from

00:59:15.300 everybody else and know that you have a lot of problems to work on. Is it necessarily to,

00:59:21.560 is it necessary to isolate yourself temporarily to work on this? Uh, I wouldn't say completely

00:59:28.660 isolate yourself, but it's always good to be alone occasionally. And within reason, that's a

00:59:37.400 good thing. There's a lot of times I'm alone. If I'm working out, like I don't want to be hanging

00:59:41.160 out with my family at that time or having an in-depth conversation about what I can do here

00:59:45.800 with order of man to help it grow. Like, I just want to get lost in potentially some music or a

00:59:49.640 podcast and lift weights. If I'm reading a book, I just want to read a book. Like I don't want the dog

00:59:55.060 bugging me or wanting to go on a walk. I don't want my wife trying to tell me about her day

00:59:59.740 necessarily. Now there's a time and a place for that. But when I'm reading a book or visualizing or

01:00:04.540 working on something or, uh, doing some strategic planning for the business or working out, like

01:00:09.740 those are opportunities where like, I don't want to be bothered and that's completely okay. So I

01:00:15.340 don't think you need to like go to the wilderness for like 40 days and meditate and ponder about your

01:00:21.860 life and what you can do. But I definitely think there's some room for some healthy isolation.

01:00:26.440 Like just, just being alone for, you know, an hour a day, like you, you designate from five to 6am as

01:00:35.280 your time. And then you create some boundaries and some systems in place that ensure that that,

01:00:39.920 that boundaries met. Uh, I think that's, I think that's a healthy thing. And sometimes if you're

01:00:44.800 feeling distant from everybody else, yeah, sometimes disengage, try to figure out what you want in life.

01:00:50.280 And then you can re-engage down the road. Casey shoe and buckler. You mentioned not having any

01:00:56.460 covert contracts. How do you handle being on the other side? People have covert contracts on you.

01:01:02.600 I have family members who ask why I didn't do something or be somewhere. And apparently them

01:01:07.780 not even asking isn't an excuse. Yeah. I would just call him. Cause that's bullshit. Frankly it is.

01:01:13.600 Now they may not be doing it out of, out of vengeance or to get you or anything like that,

01:01:18.120 but it is some bullshit. And guys, for those of you who don't know what a covert contract is,

01:01:23.420 I learned this from my friend, Jordan Harbinger. A covert contract is when you have an expectation

01:01:29.480 of somebody, but you haven't communicated that expectation. And when the expectation

01:01:34.840 that you haven't communicated isn't met, then you take that out on that individual. So for example,

01:01:40.160 you have an expectation for your wife to, uh, behave a certain way or to do a certain thing,

01:01:46.260 but you failed to include her in on this expectation. And then she falls short on that

01:01:50.860 thing. You really don't have a right to be upset with her. If she doesn't know what the hell 0.99

01:01:55.560 expectation you're holding her to. So that's what Casey's referring to here. The thing that you can

01:02:01.280 do is you just call them out. That's it. You just call them out. Not, not in a jerk way or anything,

01:02:06.960 but if you were my brother, for example, and I didn't show up to something that you had,

01:02:11.860 I would simply say, Hey Casey, look, I would have loved to come to that thing. You didn't let me

01:02:16.320 know. You didn't tell me about it. So unless I know about it, I'm not going to be able to make

01:02:19.740 it to those things. If you'd like me to have, be at the next family gathering or the next thing,

01:02:24.640 then I'll just assume that you're going to ask me. And if you don't ask me, then you can just

01:02:29.000 assume that I'm not going to show up. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying it like that.

01:02:33.600 And then you just put it on them because it is their thing. They have an expectation.

01:02:38.460 They have failed to communicate with you. You didn't meet said expectation because you didn't

01:02:42.480 even know about it. You probably would have met it if you would have known about it.

01:02:45.420 And so that's their fault, not yours. So you just need to address these things and call them out on

01:02:49.920 it and then hold them to it. And don't feel guilty or bad about it or apologize. Don't apologize.

01:02:55.380 They messed up, not you. So don't apologize for it. Now that said, maybe there's some areas

01:03:00.140 where, you know, you, especially with family members, maybe there's some room for improvement on being,

01:03:06.280 uh, being a little bit more present or engaged with the family. That's something you might consider as

01:03:10.220 well. All right. Mike Collins. Uh, why do you think it is that people can be good, uh, at giving

01:03:16.680 advice to others, but when they are in a similar situation themselves, they are blinded and miss the

01:03:21.100 messaging. Is it the, is it the being buried in the storm effect versus being in the eye? No,

01:03:27.220 I think it has to do with the emotional baggage that's attached. Like emotions are great,

01:03:32.180 but a lot of the times they, they blur our vision. Um, they cause us to think twice when maybe we

01:03:38.000 shouldn't be, uh, and, and they get in the way a lot of times and cover up a logical, rational

01:03:45.160 conclusion. So when I'm talking with you, Mike, for example, you're asking me a question and I'm

01:03:51.340 sharing with you some feedback. I'm not emotionally attached to your decisions and I'm not bound to the

01:03:58.620 results or ramifications of the choices that you make. So it's very easy for me to give you advice

01:04:05.240 in a non-biased way, right? Like I can just share something, no emotional baggage. I'm not tied to the

01:04:12.740 result. And so it's more rational and logical, maybe even reasonable, uh, than you might think

01:04:20.020 about it in your own situation because you're thinking about it emotionally and you're wondering

01:04:24.300 what the fallout is from this. And I'm not attached to that. Right? So this, now this is the reason why

01:04:31.120 it's so important to have coaches and mentors in your life. Look, I'm saying it from the context of

01:04:37.480 you being emotionally attached. I'm emotionally attached to my decisions. This isn't something

01:04:41.940 anybody is immune to. So you need to have mentors and coaches in your life who can tell you things

01:04:47.900 that you need to hear, not necessarily the things that you want to hear, because those people will

01:04:52.220 give you an objective analysis and opinion of, of what they think you should do. It's perspective

01:04:57.920 that you cannot possibly see because you're emotionally attached to the, the baggage and

01:05:06.120 the ramifications of the choices that you'll be making. So moral of the story, have mentors,

01:05:10.760 have coaches that can tell you the truth. Patrick Lasseter. He says, at what point should a young man

01:05:17.640 move out from his parents' house and try to make it on his own? 18 years old is the answer.

01:05:23.020 I've lived on my own before, but I did so with an ex-girlfriend and ended up back at home.

01:05:28.140 Should I aim for any particular savings goal or just try and find a place as soon as I can?

01:05:33.320 Yeah. You should find a place as soon as you can. Like you're, you're old enough that you should be on

01:05:38.300 your own and it's going to be hard and it's going to be challenging. Like when I moved out, so I moved out.

01:05:43.500 So here's, here's how the timeline went for me. Graduated high school and went on our senior trip,

01:05:49.700 which was to California. We're there for, I don't know, four or five days, came back, moved out the

01:05:54.920 next day, moved to a neighboring town the next day. That's the natural evolution of growing up.

01:06:03.040 You, you, you turn 18, you graduate high school and then you move out. Now, when I moved out,

01:06:08.540 I had four roommates. We were living in this tiny, I was either two or three bedroom apartment and it

01:06:14.820 was tough and it was hard to make ends meet. And there was a lot of like, how am I going to make

01:06:20.620 the mortgage payment type thing? But you know what? It's just part of the deal. And now, you know,

01:06:26.500 I've evolved obviously and grown past that, you know, I'm 38 years old now. So that was 20 years

01:06:30.180 ago, but yeah, 18, you move out when you're 18. Now I know that there's situations, maybe there's

01:06:36.060 some medical situations or some, some mental illness or handicap potentially, even where,

01:06:41.160 you know, that doesn't always work out. There's exceptions. And I realized there's a hard times

01:06:45.080 too. Like if, if, for example, if my kids, they moved out and they experienced some hard times,

01:06:50.340 could they move back? Yes. Under the right set of circumstances, not indefinitely. That's,

01:06:56.200 that's one of the parameters. You're not moving back indefinitely. If you want to move back in here,

01:06:59.920 you tell me how long you're going to be here, what your plan is to move back out when we are going to

01:07:04.260 expect that you're going to be leaving. And then you have to show me results towards that,

01:07:08.160 towards that process, towards that solution for yourself. And if you don't show those to me,

01:07:11.540 then you're out on my own, on your own. Now, hopefully I've done a good enough job where,

01:07:15.140 you know, they want to be out on their own when they hit 18. That's actually healthy.

01:07:19.260 Is that the kid doesn't want to stay with his parents. Like he wants to go out into the world.

01:07:23.360 That's a, that's a healthy thing. So yeah, I don't know if you need a savings goal. You need to be

01:07:28.860 solvent, obviously financially, but if you have a job and you've got, you know,

01:07:33.380 500 or a thousand bucks in your account, then yeah, I think it's probably time to consider

01:07:38.080 moving out and spreading your wings and like living your life, not through your parents.

01:07:42.640 It's just kind of how we do it. All right, let's take a couple more. Cause I think we're at an hour

01:07:47.120 10. I don't know. We'll try to get through as many as we can. Have I ever lost Chris loose, Lucy,

01:07:52.120 Lucy or Lose, Losey. I can't, I'm sorry, Chris. I don't know how you pronounce that Lucy. I think,

01:07:56.440 have you ever lost trust in yourself? If so, what did you, if so, what did you, or are you doing to

01:08:05.860 regain that trust? I've let myself down. I don't know if I've ever lost trust in myself. I've made

01:08:12.780 bad decisions. I've gone against what I know is right and true. And I've lived outside of my

01:08:17.160 integrity. I mean, that happens. As far as like trust in myself. No, I don't think I've lost trust

01:08:24.560 in myself. But you know, when I let myself down, the best thing I've been able to do is make amends.

01:08:29.360 You know, if I hurt other people, I got to make amends. I got to apologize. I got to rectify that

01:08:33.040 situation. Uh, uh, you know, if I, if I owe somebody money, for example, and I never paid them,

01:08:38.880 like I got to make that, that payment, that money back to them. Like there's things that you just do

01:08:42.540 to make it right. And when you make it right with another individual, you're obviously making it

01:08:46.620 right with yourself. But the way that you regain trust with yourself is you earn it back through first

01:08:52.220 rectifying the situation in which you messed up. That, that has to be done by the way, guys, like

01:08:56.480 this is the, the repentance process. And it's not just spiritually, it's mentally and emotionally and

01:09:02.280 just life in generally as well is you can't really move on until you fixed the previous problem.

01:09:10.140 You can hide it and you can bury it and you can act right moving forward. But I honestly believe

01:09:16.100 that you've got to have that situation rectified before you can move on. So it would be like

01:09:22.100 building a house in the sand. There's no foundation for building a strong house in the sand.

01:09:28.200 You've got to go in and you've got to backfill that hole. You've got to pour concrete and the

01:09:33.080 footings, and you've got to make sure that sets, you've got to test the ground. Like you have to do

01:09:37.360 all of this stuff before you can actually start building the rest of the house. Same thing when it

01:09:43.020 comes to building trust and regaining that trust with yourself is if it's built on a weak

01:09:47.940 foundation lies, deception, being out of integrity, immorality, excuse me, then you've got to fix that

01:09:56.400 first. And then once that's fixed, now you can begin to regain trust with yourself by winning

01:10:01.480 small battles with the natural man. I say that the natural man is he's lazy. He's immediate

01:10:07.620 gratification. He wants something for nothing. This is the man that all of us deal with. It's the

01:10:11.760 inferior version of ourself and you need to win the battle every day with him. So when you're tempted

01:10:18.060 to eat that cheeseburger, you can't eat the cheeseburger. When you're tempted to lie to

01:10:22.940 somebody or cheat somebody or steal from somebody, then you don't do that. If you're tempted by drugs

01:10:28.780 or alcohol or pornography, then you resist that temptation. And the more battles you win with that

01:10:33.740 natural man, the more trust that you're going to have in yourself. And by the way, the more you

01:10:37.900 armor yourself, this is how I look at it. You armor yourself. You put on the armor. That's going

01:10:43.640 to defend you against the temptations from the natural man that will continue to arise. And he

01:10:48.700 becomes weaker and you become stronger. And this is how this works. All right. Rob Strasburg, when

01:10:54.880 creating your 12 week battle plan, do you keep your next targets on deck and plan well ahead or simply

01:11:01.380 focus on what is directly in front of you guys? If you're interested in the 12 week battle plan,

01:11:05.980 we've got, we've got a bunch of women right now. Cause I can't keep those things in stock. You can 1.00

01:11:10.220 go to store.orderofman.com and check it out and you'll see what Rob's talking about. I plan a 90

01:11:15.540 day segments for those of you don't know, hence the 12 weeks. So I usually will start considering

01:11:21.160 what needs to be done in the, in the following 12 weeks, 30 days out. So 60 days into my current plan,

01:11:27.980 I'm going to be looking into what I'm going to be doing in the next quarter moving forward. So it's,

01:11:33.520 it's not just like at the end, just hurry and think of things. No, I'm, I'm actually

01:11:36.600 thinking of it based on what I've created in the previous 60 days. Okay. Good question. I like

01:11:42.060 that one. Dallin Edwards. I like this question. I saw this one. This one's really interesting.

01:11:47.120 Why do people complain about kids getting participation medals when there are literally

01:11:51.880 quote unquote participation medals for everything and everyone nowadays. Examples are literally any

01:11:57.660 race from Spartan to 5k to triathlon. It could also be places where you get a yearly or quarterly raise

01:12:04.900 just for being there when you might not be a top performer. There are lots of examples of people

01:12:10.640 getting medals or rewarded when they are not at the top of the bracket. I get the doing a Spartan race

01:12:15.060 or something akin to it, maybe a challenging enough that you feel you deserve a medal. But who is to say

01:12:20.080 a kid doesn't find it just as hard to show up at practice every time and continually try to improve

01:12:25.000 a better question might be, why is it so easy to tell people participation? Trophies are ruining

01:12:31.380 our children when we ourselves are doing the same thing. You know what, Dallin? I, I had never

01:12:37.560 considered what you're talking about. Never. That's never crossed my mind, but I don't have a solid

01:12:41.920 answer to this. I love this question. Uh, I, I have talked about it in the past of be very careful

01:12:48.540 of rewarding yourself or thinking it's some great accomplishment to do what you're supposed to do.

01:12:54.460 Like, you know, like, like showing up to work on time. Congratulations. Ryan never missed a day

01:13:00.300 for 365 days. Well, yeah, that's like kind of the lowest common denominator. Like I shouldn't be

01:13:07.460 acknowledged or recognized for, Oh, congratulations, Ryan, man. He showed up on time. I mean, how sad is

01:13:13.920 that? Like, how sad is it that you need to recognize somebody for showing up on time? Like, shouldn't that

01:13:19.640 just be like standard? So Dallin, I really like what you're saying here. I do. I got, I tend to

01:13:24.760 agree on this. Uh, cause I get after participation medals as well. And at the same time, I've got a

01:13:30.840 whole bunch of medals behind me from you named it Spartan races. So yeah, I think, uh, there's a time

01:13:38.500 to acknowledge what you've done and celebrate what you've done. But, um, this is something I've got to

01:13:42.780 consider. I really liked this question. It makes me think, and if you guys have any feedback and some

01:13:47.060 input, then I would love to love to hear that. Very interesting. I like the perspective. All right.

01:13:52.220 Jack Wilson, when living as a quote unquote lone wolf without a wife or partner or kids or many

01:13:58.020 friends, how do you become your own cheerleader when following your own hobbies, interests while

01:14:02.160 struggling with social anxiety at 40 years of age? All right, look, there's a lot to unpack here.

01:14:06.660 Okay. Here's what I would say. You struggle with social anxiety, which means that you should

01:14:11.940 probably be social. Like that's a weakness of yours. So you need to deal with it. Like I'm not

01:14:19.880 completely energized by being social and being out in public and around a bunch of people. Um,

01:14:25.660 when I was younger, I earned the nickname of the hermit. This was in middle school and high school

01:14:31.040 because I wouldn't go out. Like I wouldn't go out and hang out with people because not because I

01:14:35.400 didn't want to just because like I didn't need to, and I felt awkward, but I made a very conscious

01:14:41.180 effort of putting myself out there because I realized how important it was. So this is a

01:14:47.620 decision, Jack. You, you've got to make a decision as to whether or not you're going to live as a

01:14:55.040 quote unquote lone wolf because you're scared, which is justifiable. I get it. Or you're going to have

01:15:03.000 to put yourself out there and expose yourself and be scared and be intimidated and put yourself in an

01:15:12.000 environment where you start to meet friends and you meet women so that you could potentially have

01:15:18.580 this relationship and a marriage down the road and kids. And this is how you do it. Face your fears,

01:15:24.100 address it. Now, how do you become your own cheerleader when following your own hobbies or

01:15:27.220 interests? That's hard to do. It's just hard to do. We're, we're social creatures, right? So like,

01:15:34.840 I don't, I don't know that it's entirely possible. You can do it for a little while and you could do

01:15:41.140 it to a degree, but I don't think it's possible to do this long-term. So I really, really would

01:15:45.400 encourage you to put yourself outside of your comfort zone and go where the people are and, and start to

01:15:52.340 start to be social and start to develop some, some skillsets around that and some friendships

01:15:56.420 because of it. All right. David Venator, he says, uh, when will Brian Mitchler be invited to speak

01:16:04.720 on the podcast? Now, for those of you who don't know, Brian, Brian is my, apparently my alter ego

01:16:09.320 that has been created. I think he actually got kicked out of the Facebook group, but for one

01:16:13.760 reason or the other, he has remained a member of the iron council. Uh, look, you don't need me to

01:16:19.500 interview Brian Mitchler because he would just say the exact opposite of everything I say. So you

01:16:25.840 already know what he would say. But as I read this question, I thought it would be kind of funny to,

01:16:30.700 I'm going to do this, to have a conversation with like a video right on YouTube of me and

01:16:38.400 Brian Mitchler. So I'm going to see if I can get that edited. I've got some friends that do some

01:16:43.120 video work and stuff. And I think that'd be kind of, kind of interesting. So appreciate that.

01:16:47.320 All right. Uh, Nathan rink with no vowels in there. So it's NTHNRNK. So it's Nathan rank rink

01:16:56.860 ronk. I don't know. Brian Michler, what's your political view as somebody who tries to live by

01:17:02.940 principle? Uh, are you a party member? Are you politically motivated? I believe that politics

01:17:08.520 is a huge part of being a man. Uh, I would say this. I'm a conservative American. I believe in

01:17:13.920 conservative principles and values. I believe in individual freedom and responsibility.

01:17:18.580 Uh, I believe that for the most part, you know, I want to be left alone. And I think other people

01:17:22.380 should be left alone to do what they want, to worship who they want, to love who they want,

01:17:25.820 to live how they want, as long as it's not impacting me and encroaching upon my freedoms and

01:17:30.100 my ability to do my job as a protector, provider, presider. Now, if that falls in line with a political

01:17:35.840 party, great. So be it. Uh, if it doesn't, I'm good with that too. I try to be an independent

01:17:40.960 thinker. I try to be somebody who looks at the facts and the conversations and the discussions

01:17:45.160 logically. I try to be open-minded as best I can. Uh, and you know, it's a challenge at times.

01:17:51.060 I don't necessarily like politics because I believe it's a shit show. Uh, I think there's

01:17:55.660 a lot inside of politics that, uh, is more about the politicians than it is us as individuals and

01:18:03.040 citizens of this great country of America. Uh, but that's, that's my stance. So again,

01:18:07.760 tend to be more conservative in my viewpoints and tend to believe that I just want to be left

01:18:11.560 to hell alone, to live my life the way I want to live and, and have the, the opportunity and the

01:18:16.400 right to defend myself and my way of life. And I want people to have that freedom as well. That's it.

01:18:21.800 So hope that, hope that helps and clarifies as much as I like to get into politics. Jason McCabe,

01:18:28.380 he says, will you be offering another podcast accelerator or coaching? Did any of the gentlemen

01:18:34.400 that went through the podcast class launch? Are they still podcasting? I appreciate you and Kip

01:18:39.040 and all the knowledge bombs that you drop. Thanks, Jason. Appreciate it. Uh, I did a podcast pro course,

01:18:44.600 which was a 12 week course designed to help guys or was it? It might've been it. Actually,

01:18:50.480 I think it was a 30, no, sorry. It was a 30 day course, uh, designed to help men start their own

01:18:56.780 movements and podcasts. And I don't know when, or if I'll be offering another one. Uh, I had some fun

01:19:02.160 with it and, uh, we helped some people. Yeah. We've had a lot of people start their podcast and

01:19:07.140 like the guys that come to mind, um, Joe Horton, Jay Helms, Anthony weight, hate listing names.

01:19:14.180 Cause I'm always going to forget somebody. Uh, Justin Bailey. These are guys who have like taken

01:19:19.620 the information and knowledge that we shared and then applied it. And, uh, they're doing some

01:19:24.580 wonderful things. I mean, wonderful things. So yeah, we've had a lot of people, uh, launch based on

01:19:30.760 what we taught, but I don't know if we will, uh, if we will be doing another one of those or not.

01:19:35.880 Cause again, it's like goals, you know, in time, how much time do I want to invest in that?

01:19:40.180 All right. Uh, Ayrton Troches, but I may have got his last name wrong here. Ayrton or Ayrton Troches.

01:19:48.460 Anyways, he says, uh, really disappointed. The Tim Tebow, John three 16 post I made was not approved.

01:19:55.000 Could have been one of the most important messages to be posted in the group.

01:19:58.280 And then, uh, he follows it up with, I don't know if we have a God hater working as a moderator,

01:20:06.060 but I couldn't see a more important post than that one. So here's what I would say.

01:20:12.080 Be very careful of taking things personally or assuming that, you know, the motives of another

01:20:20.060 organization or individual simply because something didn't work out the way that you wanted to.

01:20:25.500 And I'm not even talking about this specifically. I'm just talking about life in general.

01:20:29.620 If something happened that you didn't like, it doesn't mean that they don't like you. It doesn't

01:20:36.360 mean that somebody is out to get you. It doesn't mean that there's a quote unquote God hater working

01:20:42.480 as a moderator. Obviously we've got 66,000 people in the Facebook group, not all posts get approved

01:20:49.180 because that would be ridiculous. Uh, a lot of the questions and comments and thoughts are repeated

01:20:54.140 multiple times. So we have a very strong and good moderator team ensuring that they keep the flow

01:21:00.680 of the conversation happening the way that is going to be conducive to the conversations that we want

01:21:05.020 to have. And also sometimes things get missed. So maybe something got overlooked or maybe it was

01:21:11.280 worded or phrased in a way that, um, that looks suspicious, you know, so we have to make those

01:21:18.200 decisions. We try to get it right. And sometimes we get it wrong, but again, be cautious of thinking

01:21:24.500 that, or assuming that there's some motive or like underground, like reason when that just isn't,

01:21:33.180 isn't accurate or true. All right, let's take a, let's take two more here. Uh, J O Whitfield

01:21:39.280 on a percentage. How often do you initiate sex as opposed to your wife? Uh, I would say like 50,

01:21:45.200 50, if I had to guess, I mean, I, we're, we're, we're both good with that. You know, we have,

01:21:49.840 we talk about it, we initiate like, this isn't an issue for us. So, um, I don't know which more

01:21:55.660 you're looking for, but yeah, I mean, I initiate, she initiates and, uh, we're, we're still attracted

01:22:00.320 to each other physically intimately. So, um, things are good. So yeah, I think, uh, I think you should

01:22:06.140 initiate as often as you want. And I think you should encourage her to initiate and also, uh,

01:22:12.900 accept, right. If she initiates, accept that so that she continues to initiate. Um, all right,

01:22:19.280 last one, Travis O'Neill dealing with spouse idleness. Yeah, this is a tough one. I get it.

01:22:26.040 I understand. A lot of people ask this question. A lot of guys are dealing with this. Uh, I would say

01:22:30.560 that maybe she's not as idle as maybe you think she is. Maybe it appears that way because she's

01:22:36.120 not, uh, assertive, I guess would be the opposite of that in the way that you are. Right. And you

01:22:41.340 got to be careful of assuming that she needs to do it just the way you do. Like I, it'd be easy for

01:22:45.400 me, for me to say, my wife is idle when it comes to self-development because she doesn't read self- 1.00

01:22:49.580 development books or listen to self-development podcasts. But you know, she just bought, I don't

01:22:54.740 know, 30 bags of, of vegetable seeds that she's plant planning on planting this year. And she's got

01:23:02.480 this whole setup that she's going to have this garden in our basement. And then she's going to 1.00

01:23:06.840 take it outside. And like, and then she's got a beekeeping class tonight. So like she has her own 0.94

01:23:11.580 things in her own way. So Travis, the point that I'm making here is be very careful of assuming that

01:23:16.240 just because she's not active in a way that you are, that it's idle. Now it might be that she 0.94

01:23:21.700 genuinely is idle. And in that case, I would encourage her and foster the idea that she can

01:23:26.920 improve and grow and expand in a meaningful way for her, that she finds something that she's excited

01:23:33.620 about, engaged in, likes is uplifted by, and is energized by, you know, you do that by exposing her

01:23:42.260 to different hobbies, different books, different information, different things that maybe she latches

01:23:47.280 onto one of these things. And then you foster it. This is one of the things I think men don't do a

01:23:52.460 very good job of doing is fostering interests in their, in their wives. So if, if your wife,

01:23:59.140 for example, expresses interest in, in painting, then you probably ought to go to the store today

01:24:06.760 and buy an easel, buy a set of paints, buy a canvas, and buy a book on the one-on-ones of painting

01:24:14.540 with oils. Obviously I'm just making that up. You know, if, if she expresses interest in gardening,

01:24:20.600 then you probably just ought to jump on Amazon today, like right now and buy her a book on

01:24:26.940 gardening one-on-one or looking in your community, jumping on the community's website and finding the

01:24:32.860 gardening class. And then just not signing her up, but just showing her, Hey hon, like you said,

01:24:38.420 you were interested in gardening. Uh, I actually looked on the community website today and I found

01:24:42.220 this class that they're going to be offering. It's a four week class. It's every Wednesday night

01:24:45.620 from six to nine. And they talk about all the ins and outs of gardening. And like, I thought that's

01:24:51.360 something you actually might really be interested in. You want to sign up for it? Oh, you're worried

01:24:55.480 about the kids. Cool. Yeah. Don't worry about that because that's like, I'm just, I've got plans to

01:24:59.580 take them every Wednesday night from six to nine to do X, Y, and Z. Right. So, so you encourage it,

01:25:05.460 you foster it. This, this is psychology one-on-one. When something does, somebody does something

01:25:11.620 that you want, you, you encourage that behavior and you encourage it by contributing to it,

01:25:18.280 by helping, by supporting, and by assisting. This is how you become a good husband, a capable

01:25:24.480 husband and encourage her to be active and engaged because it's going to serve her and it's going to

01:25:29.340 serve you. It's a win-win. All right, guys, we went for a long time. We went for about 90 minutes,

01:25:33.440 but man, we got through a lot of questions and I think we've got maybe like another 10 or so.

01:25:38.140 So, uh, yeah, we'll get to these next week because I want to make sure we address all of them.

01:25:43.320 Anyways, guys, we'll get you out of here pretty quickly here in the next couple of minutes. Cause

01:25:46.540 I know it's been a long one, but I just want to tell you, I appreciate you again. I had that post

01:25:50.280 come up five years ago is when I made the first announcement for order of men. And to say that,

01:25:56.380 uh, it has, it has been incredible. Actually, that would be an understatement because I just can't

01:26:02.460 even explain how much this has meant to me. And then of course, how much you mean as well

01:26:07.200 in banding with me and sharing and stepping up in your lives so that it's holding me accountable

01:26:12.460 to step up in mine. Uh, I don't think you'll ever fully realize the impact that you have

01:26:16.460 on my life as well. So I appreciate that guys. If you would on a party note, um, make sure you

01:26:22.280 check out our events. The first one is May 29th through the 31st. I believe I'm having a little

01:26:28.920 bit of a brain lapse here. Uh, you can go to order of man.com slash main event. And then we've got

01:26:34.040 another one, June 11th through the 14th, which is the legacy father, son event or, uh, son,

01:26:40.300 father figure event. Uh, and that's one, that one is at order of man.com slash legacy. Also leave us a

01:26:46.520 rating and review goes a very long way in promoting what we're doing here. And you know, as well as I

01:26:50.840 do that the world needs it. All right, guys, go out there. We'll be back on Friday, take action,

01:26:56.020 become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:27:00.120 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:27:04.580 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - February 26, 2020

Masculinity vs. Society, Connecting with a Disinterested Wife, and Working with Close-Minded People ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript