Order of Man - Mastering Fatherhood & Leadership Secrets

00:00:00.000 anyone that's focused on their own personal development,

00:00:03.280 what ultimately is the motivation to become better

00:00:05.900 and show up more powerfully in the world?

00:00:07.680 It's actually so you can leave a lasting impact

00:00:10.340 in the lives of those that you serve.

00:00:13.640 Also called leadership.

00:00:15.360 How you show up as a father

00:00:16.780 brings out the best in your kids.

00:00:18.520 How you show up as a man

00:00:19.920 brings out the best in your spouse,

00:00:22.300 your coworkers, all those around you.

00:00:24.320 You don't have to be in a position of authority

00:00:26.040 to bring out the best in people.

00:00:30.000 You're a man of action.

00:00:31.600 You live life to the fullest,

00:00:33.020 embrace your fears,

00:00:34.240 and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:35.980 When life knocks you down,

00:00:37.320 you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:40.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated,

00:00:42.760 rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:45.500 This is your life.

00:00:46.600 This is who you are.

00:00:48.000 This is who you will become.

00:00:49.720 At the end of the day,

00:00:50.860 and after all is said and done,

00:00:52.360 you can call yourself a man.

00:00:55.720 Sean.

00:00:57.100 Dude, it's been good, man.

00:00:58.620 And different things.

00:01:00.580 Where are you at?

00:01:01.340 Where are you at?

00:01:03.060 I'm in Vegas right now.

00:01:06.300 Now, just for a work thing for a couple of days.

00:01:09.220 So, all over the place.

00:01:11.180 Hectic, crazy summer.

00:01:13.340 Which, if you have kids,

00:01:14.840 I think is the case no matter what.

00:01:17.440 Yeah.

00:01:17.820 You know, it's funny.

00:01:18.500 I was just thinking about that yesterday.

00:01:22.340 I went backpacking with my kids over the weekend,

00:01:25.460 and on the way back,

00:01:26.180 I was like, you know what I mean?

00:01:28.140 Like, you do something hard like that,

00:01:29.740 and it's a good assessment tool as a parent

00:01:32.980 to kind of see where your kids are mentally.

00:01:37.240 My oldest daughter's just trucking,

00:01:39.420 not complaining,

00:01:40.760 pushing hard,

00:01:42.060 doing great.

00:01:43.120 My second daughter,

00:01:44.780 are we there yet?

00:01:45.860 Are we there yet?

00:01:46.680 I'm so tired.

00:01:47.820 Why are we doing this?

00:01:49.060 Right?

00:01:49.180 So, I'm like, all right.

00:01:50.960 Duly noted,

00:01:51.920 mental fortitude,

00:01:53.300 not there.

00:01:54.400 Okay.

00:01:55.460 You know?

00:01:55.900 And so,

00:01:56.700 and the little guy,

00:01:57.900 the five-year-old,

00:01:58.800 did better than she did.

00:02:00.220 But he was,

00:02:01.220 you know,

00:02:01.520 he had a hard time getting frustrated with himself.

00:02:03.740 And so,

00:02:04.560 it was a weekend of

00:02:06.040 reassessment

00:02:07.580 of what I need to be doing as a parent,

00:02:10.760 certainly during summer,

00:02:12.460 because that structure goes away.

00:02:14.240 And we've been talking about this

00:02:15.840 on the Iron Council,

00:02:17.280 right?

00:02:17.480 The importance of structure.

00:02:19.620 And summer shows up

00:02:21.840 and one of the primary structures

00:02:23.640 our kids have

00:02:24.620 are schooling,

00:02:26.460 whether at home

00:02:27.340 or within the public school system.

00:02:29.220 You take that structure away

00:02:30.160 and it's all of a sudden,

00:02:30.800 it's like free for all time.

00:02:32.560 And I'm like,

00:02:33.060 no,

00:02:33.340 that's not going to work.

00:02:34.600 I need to double down

00:02:35.980 and get some structure going.

00:02:37.780 And so,

00:02:38.580 that resonated actually.

00:02:40.020 Once you said like summer,

00:02:41.140 I was like,

00:02:41.440 oh yeah,

00:02:41.940 I was,

00:02:42.760 I need to work on some structure

00:02:43.900 with my kids for sure.

00:02:45.660 I'm assuming that's a little bit

00:02:46.800 of the chaos,

00:02:47.360 but summer for you as kids,

00:02:48.820 but also busy

00:02:50.060 for business as well,

00:02:52.100 I assume.

00:02:53.700 Yeah.

00:02:54.100 And trips.

00:02:54.960 I mean,

00:02:55.180 part of our structure

00:02:56.100 is traditions.

00:02:57.860 And part of the traditions

00:02:59.600 that we have for summer

00:03:00.880 is always camping,

00:03:04.740 always trip,

00:03:05.560 like a vacation trip,

00:03:06.920 always,

00:03:07.600 you know,

00:03:07.820 little things.

00:03:08.400 We make a bucket list,

00:03:10.380 checklist

00:03:12.260 for the summer

00:03:15.220 at the beginning

00:03:15.940 of the summer.

00:03:16.520 And then we basically

00:03:17.640 try and check the boxes.

00:03:19.220 It could be as simple

00:03:20.220 as like,

00:03:21.100 you know,

00:03:22.740 go get acai bowls

00:03:24.080 is one of the ones,

00:03:25.080 right?

00:03:25.700 It's just like funny

00:03:26.800 little things

00:03:27.440 that the kids want to do

00:03:28.680 sometime through the summer,

00:03:29.900 you know,

00:03:30.860 as heavy as like,

00:03:31.820 we're going to Italy next week.

00:03:33.200 Right.

00:03:33.660 So it's like a wide range

00:03:35.580 and just making sure

00:03:36.420 that we check those things off

00:03:37.720 that helps us

00:03:38.320 with some structure.

00:03:39.160 But that's awesome.

00:03:40.540 You know,

00:03:40.740 as I was just having

00:03:41.800 this conversation

00:03:42.440 with a group of guys

00:03:43.320 the other day,

00:03:44.000 and I think the most

00:03:45.120 important thing

00:03:45.840 as fathers

00:03:47.160 is that we make sure

00:03:48.600 we're doing things

00:03:49.860 no matter what

00:03:50.460 those things are.

00:03:51.600 And I think what you said

00:03:52.880 was perfect

00:03:53.400 to going on a hike

00:03:54.340 or whatever it is.

00:03:55.480 And especially when

00:03:56.380 you have multiple kids,

00:03:57.400 no matter what you do,

00:03:58.780 you're creating experiences,

00:04:00.240 you're,

00:04:01.300 you're creating memories,

00:04:02.780 you're finding out,

00:04:05.800 like you said,

00:04:06.420 about your kids,

00:04:07.520 which is the fun thing,

00:04:08.700 right?

00:04:09.340 About when you have

00:04:10.760 multiple kids,

00:04:11.420 it doesn't matter

00:04:11.940 the circumstance

00:04:12.760 and how great it is.

00:04:14.500 One of them's

00:04:15.280 not going to like it.

00:04:16.480 You know,

00:04:16.980 one of them's

00:04:17.640 going to love it.

00:04:18.460 One of them's

00:04:18.880 going to be kind of

00:04:19.500 in between and,

00:04:20.780 you know,

00:04:22.140 good and bad circumstances.

00:04:24.760 And I mean,

00:04:26.340 it's just,

00:04:27.280 it's how humans are,

00:04:29.540 right?

00:04:30.000 So,

00:04:30.600 yeah.

00:04:31.180 And how often

00:04:32.500 as fathers,

00:04:33.520 and I'm projecting

00:04:34.340 a little bit,

00:04:35.020 but I'm assuming

00:04:35.560 a lot of guys listening

00:04:36.500 can relate to me here,

00:04:37.680 is how often

00:04:39.100 I lack intentionality

00:04:41.180 in creating those experiences

00:04:42.500 because the timing's

00:04:43.760 not right.

00:04:45.140 Yeah.

00:04:45.960 Timing is never right.

00:04:47.140 It's never right.

00:04:48.020 And I,

00:04:48.460 and I,

00:04:48.940 and I still struggle.

00:04:49.760 I know that,

00:04:50.340 right?

00:04:50.500 I logically know

00:04:51.520 the timing's not

00:04:52.560 always going to be right,

00:04:53.620 but yet I still

00:04:55.540 wait for

00:04:56.580 the ideal weekend.

00:04:57.900 I still wait

00:04:58.820 for things to align

00:05:00.200 to think that

00:05:01.160 I need to go do it.

00:05:02.140 And it's like,

00:05:03.280 no,

00:05:04.220 just got to go.

00:05:05.240 Right.

00:05:05.520 And that's actually

00:05:06.340 how this backpacking trip

00:05:07.660 was this weekend

00:05:08.580 was it wasn't good timing,

00:05:10.420 but I thought,

00:05:11.680 you know what?

00:05:12.800 I I've,

00:05:13.400 I've literally

00:05:14.040 been wanting to take them

00:05:15.320 up this particular mountain

00:05:16.440 for like eight years.

00:05:19.200 Seriously.

00:05:19.920 How pathetic is that?

00:05:21.560 You know what I mean?

00:05:22.400 And I'm like,

00:05:23.200 dude,

00:05:23.620 uh,

00:05:24.500 and,

00:05:24.800 and literally

00:05:25.300 because in the iron council

00:05:26.640 last,

00:05:27.280 last month,

00:05:27.900 was it,

00:05:28.520 we talked about,

00:05:29.920 and this is the power

00:05:30.500 of accountability.

00:05:31.040 We talked about

00:05:32.080 the importance

00:05:32.980 of getting outside

00:05:34.340 within the iron council.

00:05:36.200 And,

00:05:36.740 and in that conversation,

00:05:38.080 I made the commitment

00:05:39.460 to the guys in the IC

00:05:41.120 that I was going

00:05:42.400 to do this trip

00:05:43.380 of,

00:05:43.840 of in my backyard

00:05:45.160 in the foothills

00:05:46.100 of where I live

00:05:47.020 that I've always

00:05:48.060 been planning to do

00:05:49.060 that I pushed off

00:05:50.240 and I was going

00:05:51.820 to make the commitment

00:05:52.400 to doing it.

00:05:53.680 Well,

00:05:54.360 the power of accountability,

00:05:55.440 I was like,

00:05:55.880 well,

00:05:56.140 I got to do it.

00:05:56.960 Right.

00:05:57.220 And,

00:05:57.540 and that's how

00:05:58.160 that ended up happening.

00:05:59.120 So anyhow,

00:06:00.000 on the subject,

00:06:01.980 iron council

00:06:02.480 is open

00:06:03.320 for enrollment

00:06:04.660 for you guys

00:06:05.520 that don't know,

00:06:06.140 it's only open

00:06:07.040 at the beginning

00:06:07.740 of each quarter.

00:06:09.160 And so

00:06:10.040 the enrollment

00:06:11.240 of the iron council

00:06:12.280 will close

00:06:13.480 at the beginning

00:06:14.500 of July.

00:06:15.040 So if you're

00:06:15.900 interested

00:06:16.480 of banding

00:06:17.420 with other men

00:06:18.240 being held accountable,

00:06:19.680 being assigned

00:06:20.360 on teams

00:06:20.960 and working

00:06:21.440 through the systems

00:06:22.240 and processes

00:06:22.920 that we have

00:06:24.280 to level up

00:06:25.040 in our personal lives,

00:06:26.080 join us.

00:06:27.720 That's

00:06:27.880 orderofman.com

00:06:29.040 slash iron council.

00:06:30.600 We're doing

00:06:31.020 a preview call

00:06:31.940 as well.

00:06:32.500 This week,

00:06:33.320 you can follow

00:06:34.640 Mickler

00:06:35.320 at Ryan Mickler

00:06:36.620 on Instagram

00:06:37.240 to get the details

00:06:39.140 of those calls

00:06:39.800 or even follow us

00:06:41.000 and we'll be,

00:06:41.460 we'll be resharing

00:06:42.320 that as well.

00:06:44.020 So you guys

00:06:44.800 are aware

00:06:46.020 and it's kind

00:06:46.900 of like a preview

00:06:47.520 night where we'll

00:06:48.120 talk about some

00:06:48.760 of the systems

00:06:49.400 and things that

00:06:50.280 we do in the

00:06:50.720 iron council,

00:06:51.740 really effective

00:06:52.780 way to kind

00:06:53.360 of get an insight

00:06:54.120 of what we do.

00:06:55.120 But I really

00:06:55.840 even think

00:06:56.400 if you listen

00:06:56.880 to this podcast,

00:06:57.440 you have an idea

00:06:58.340 of kind of

00:06:59.140 what the iron council

00:06:59.900 is, right?

00:07:00.540 I mean,

00:07:00.800 it's in line

00:07:02.460 with the conversations

00:07:03.640 that we have.

00:07:04.620 So with that said,

00:07:07.220 Sean's filling in

00:07:08.300 obviously for

00:07:09.560 Mickler this week.

00:07:11.140 We're going to

00:07:11.800 jump into questions

00:07:12.740 primarily from

00:07:13.800 Instagram

00:07:14.360 and then,

00:07:15.920 but we're going

00:07:16.540 to do some headlines.

00:07:17.460 So Sean,

00:07:18.320 you're up first,

00:07:19.300 man.

00:07:19.620 What's your headline?

00:07:22.380 All right.

00:07:23.160 My headline is

00:07:24.220 the debates

00:07:24.780 this Thursday.

00:07:26.320 Are they this Thursday?

00:07:28.040 I've been disconnected

00:07:28.880 a little bit.

00:07:29.680 So this Thursday,

00:07:31.260 Biden's going to

00:07:32.140 go against Trump.

00:07:34.280 Yeah.

00:07:36.160 Yeah.

00:07:36.720 Which is going

00:07:37.480 to be interesting

00:07:38.680 to say the least.

00:07:41.380 And,

00:07:41.700 you know,

00:07:42.560 this one's a,

00:07:43.340 I call it fun topic,

00:07:46.240 but for me,

00:07:46.860 it's not fun

00:07:47.660 because every part

00:07:49.020 of this election

00:07:49.660 coming in,

00:07:50.880 it's,

00:07:51.240 I've been giving

00:07:51.660 the analogy of like,

00:07:52.360 this is like the sequel

00:07:53.340 of a,

00:07:53.920 of a bad movie

00:07:55.200 we didn't like

00:07:55.640 the first time.

00:07:57.000 It's going to be

00:07:57.880 so terrible.

00:07:59.060 I think no matter

00:07:59.980 what,

00:08:00.500 and by the way,

00:08:01.220 like I'm going

00:08:03.520 to get hit

00:08:04.260 from both sides,

00:08:05.120 right?

00:08:05.460 I think it's a

00:08:06.380 no win with Biden.

00:08:07.420 It's a no win

00:08:07.960 with Trump.

00:08:08.760 Now saying that

00:08:10.160 I loved

00:08:12.660 Trump's policies.

00:08:13.920 I like what he did

00:08:14.760 when he was president.

00:08:15.560 I think there was

00:08:16.380 a lot of positive change

00:08:17.580 and we were better

00:08:18.680 off for it.

00:08:19.440 And I think

00:08:20.100 the opposite

00:08:21.260 with Biden

00:08:21.860 and I could be

00:08:23.380 attacked either way

00:08:24.240 for,

00:08:24.620 for saying that.

00:08:27.000 But I think

00:08:27.980 both of them

00:08:28.700 are a no win

00:08:29.580 for the country.

00:08:30.820 And the reason

00:08:31.620 I say that

00:08:32.500 is because

00:08:33.480 as good as

00:08:34.460 Trump's policies are,

00:08:35.640 if you have half

00:08:36.220 of the country

00:08:36.680 that hates his guts,

00:08:38.000 it just creates

00:08:39.480 more of a divide

00:08:40.560 no matter how good

00:08:41.880 his policies are,

00:08:42.820 no matter how good

00:08:43.580 he does with the economy,

00:08:45.000 with the border,

00:08:46.340 with any topic

00:08:47.520 we can pick

00:08:48.240 and then Biden

00:08:50.860 is Biden, right?

00:08:52.220 I mean,

00:08:52.480 he's just a shell

00:08:53.680 of a guy.

00:08:54.360 I mean,

00:08:54.660 the best we have

00:08:56.440 to offer

00:08:57.080 literally can't control

00:08:59.380 his bowel movements

00:09:00.220 at this point, right?

00:09:01.760 Like,

00:09:02.120 that's a bad sign

00:09:03.840 for the next four years

00:09:05.300 regardless.

00:09:06.760 And so I think

00:09:07.460 what,

00:09:07.940 I think what the debate

00:09:09.720 set up

00:09:10.380 is basically

00:09:12.380 it's kind of

00:09:14.520 a preface

00:09:15.140 of the arguing

00:09:16.080 that we're going

00:09:17.520 to be seeing

00:09:18.200 the next four years.

00:09:19.780 So that's my thought

00:09:20.580 on the debates, right?

00:09:21.780 And what's going to happen?

00:09:23.460 I think it's going to be

00:09:24.280 a slaughter fest

00:09:25.140 as far as Trump goes.

00:09:26.380 I think Biden

00:09:26.880 doesn't stand a chance

00:09:27.840 unless,

00:09:28.700 I don't know

00:09:29.400 what the chemical mix

00:09:31.080 is going to be

00:09:31.940 that they're going to

00:09:32.560 pump Biden full of

00:09:34.100 before it happens.

00:09:35.760 But I think

00:09:36.380 for him to stand

00:09:37.440 any chance,

00:09:38.280 that's what they're

00:09:39.140 going to have to do.

00:09:40.860 And,

00:09:41.160 you know,

00:09:42.560 like I said,

00:09:43.140 it's going to be

00:09:44.220 interesting

00:09:45.020 more than

00:09:46.260 any other thing.

00:09:47.920 I don't know

00:09:48.260 how the,

00:09:48.920 what do they call them?

00:09:53.220 The people

00:09:54.300 like making sure

00:09:56.320 that it goes,

00:09:56.940 the moderators.

00:09:58.040 Like I have no idea

00:09:59.280 how they're going

00:10:03.520 to try and keep it

00:10:04.780 under control.

00:10:06.700 You know,

00:10:07.560 it's insane.

00:10:08.900 You know,

00:10:09.040 so here's,

00:10:10.680 here's my,

00:10:11.660 that's my thought

00:10:12.480 on the debates,

00:10:14.140 right or wrong

00:10:15.020 or whatever.

00:10:15.480 I think the debate,

00:10:16.580 the debates

00:10:17.020 are just setting us up.

00:10:18.740 Forget about the election.

00:10:20.080 Who's going to win

00:10:20.640 any of that?

00:10:21.560 I think it's,

00:10:22.540 it's just a preface

00:10:23.880 of the arguing

00:10:25.220 we're going to see

00:10:26.300 the next four years.

00:10:28.220 And,

00:10:28.740 and I think

00:10:29.220 that you use the,

00:10:30.300 you use the correct term

00:10:31.460 arguing.

00:10:32.580 See,

00:10:33.080 here's the part,

00:10:33.880 like Trump will,

00:10:35.220 I agree.

00:10:36.000 I think Trump will

00:10:37.020 like come across

00:10:38.180 on paper

00:10:38.800 of winning the debate,

00:10:40.160 but winning how?

00:10:41.320 Through logic?

00:10:42.640 Through critical thinking?

00:10:44.520 No.

00:10:45.360 Through attacking,

00:10:46.440 through name calling,

00:10:47.600 through,

00:10:48.400 you know,

00:10:50.040 all the

00:10:51.800 poor

00:10:52.620 argumental fallacies

00:10:55.140 that we shouldn't

00:10:56.820 fall into

00:10:57.900 when we're doing

00:10:58.720 a debate.

00:10:59.800 Like,

00:11:00.260 literally,

00:11:00.840 if you really think about it,

00:11:01.800 this is the part

00:11:02.440 that I hate

00:11:02.900 about this scenario

00:11:03.820 is these debates

00:11:05.320 are embarrassing.

00:11:08.180 they're,

00:11:09.180 they're embarrassing

00:11:09.820 because they're not,

00:11:11.020 they're not found

00:11:11.740 in logic.

00:11:12.460 They're,

00:11:13.280 it's clown show

00:11:14.720 for the,

00:11:16.380 the populace

00:11:17.880 that's actually

00:11:18.540 quite stupid.

00:11:20.640 Like you,

00:11:21.520 you tell me a critical,

00:11:22.960 yeah,

00:11:23.460 you tell me a critical

00:11:24.640 debate to argue over

00:11:25.920 and you can address it

00:11:27.320 in a soundbite.

00:11:28.160 Really?

00:11:29.060 There is no such thing.

00:11:30.800 And anybody that thinks

00:11:32.520 that you can win

00:11:33.640 a debate

00:11:34.140 in a sentence

00:11:35.200 over a critical,

00:11:36.600 important issue

00:11:37.340 is naive.

00:11:39.500 And,

00:11:40.200 and that,

00:11:40.760 that's a part of this

00:11:41.600 that I just hate

00:11:42.340 because what we'll end up

00:11:44.020 getting is

00:11:44.900 bulldozing Trump,

00:11:46.560 name calling,

00:11:47.640 Biden,

00:11:48.620 sticking to a soundbites,

00:11:49.960 no one's using logic,

00:11:51.140 no one's being elevated

00:11:52.440 through the conversation,

00:11:53.940 no one's using

00:11:55.380 critical thinking

00:11:56.420 to address the issue.

00:11:57.660 And now it's just a show,

00:12:00.620 right?

00:12:01.220 And this is where like

00:12:02.320 when I hear Rogan go,

00:12:04.700 dude,

00:12:05.560 give me Biden and Trump

00:12:06.800 long format,

00:12:08.000 two hours podcast.

00:12:10.420 Now you're going to get

00:12:11.640 to know people's opinions

00:12:12.800 about things

00:12:13.560 in a long format like that.

00:12:15.680 And people may go,

00:12:16.860 oh,

00:12:17.000 it's not entertaining.

00:12:17.940 Yeah.

00:12:18.220 Well,

00:12:18.440 guess what?

00:12:18.820 It shouldn't be entertaining.

00:12:20.140 These are critical issues.

00:12:21.900 Important.

00:12:22.640 Yeah.

00:12:23.120 Yeah.

00:12:23.980 Yeah.

00:12:24.160 Well,

00:12:24.600 what do you think

00:12:25.580 the over under is

00:12:26.580 on whether

00:12:27.640 they're actually

00:12:28.340 going to answer

00:12:29.040 the questions

00:12:29.560 being asked too?

00:12:31.480 No.

00:12:31.780 Yeah,

00:12:31.960 exactly.

00:12:32.420 They're going to hear

00:12:32.980 question A

00:12:34.260 and then they're going

00:12:34.920 to use,

00:12:35.420 well,

00:12:35.900 my soundbite statement

00:12:37.220 that I've been prepping

00:12:38.200 is over here.

00:12:39.340 So I'm just going

00:12:39.800 to use that,

00:12:40.400 right?

00:12:40.580 It's going to be pathetic,

00:12:42.840 I'm sure.

00:12:44.520 It's going to be a mess,

00:12:45.160 but it'll be interesting

00:12:45.820 to see what the turnout is,

00:12:47.040 right?

00:12:47.540 And what the viewership

00:12:49.880 is going to be.

00:12:50.740 I think that'll be

00:12:51.340 a big indicator

00:12:52.620 as well as

00:12:53.800 kind of what the election

00:12:54.800 is going to be

00:12:55.360 if there's a,

00:12:55.940 giant turnout

00:12:57.580 for viewership

00:12:58.640 or if it's,

00:13:00.260 no one's going

00:13:00.720 to pay attention

00:13:01.320 because they already

00:13:02.040 don't care.

00:13:03.360 Yeah.

00:13:03.920 Yeah.

00:13:04.120 That's a really good point.

00:13:05.160 Sean's like,

00:13:05.800 it sets a tone

00:13:07.120 for like how involved

00:13:08.500 is the populace,

00:13:09.480 right?

00:13:10.300 Yeah.

00:13:11.280 Yeah.

00:13:11.900 Or if they've already

00:13:12.820 made their decision.

00:13:14.200 Yeah.

00:13:14.880 Yeah.

00:13:15.540 Well,

00:13:16.020 this is great.

00:13:16.820 So my headline,

00:13:17.560 I went,

00:13:18.280 I went with

00:13:18.860 not a typical headline.

00:13:20.160 I do that from time

00:13:21.200 to time

00:13:21.580 and I went with a quote

00:13:22.520 and I love

00:13:23.740 that I chose this quote

00:13:25.340 because it resonated

00:13:25.980 to me last week

00:13:27.100 and it's perfectly

00:13:28.480 in line with

00:13:29.080 what you're just

00:13:29.720 talking about.

00:13:30.480 And the quote is,

00:13:31.760 and actually

00:13:32.240 it's not a quote.

00:13:32.940 I think it's like

00:13:33.480 a statement

00:13:33.940 that I've read

00:13:34.760 and then I rewrote it

00:13:35.660 and so maybe

00:13:36.960 someone said it

00:13:37.740 and I'm not

00:13:38.100 giving them credit.

00:13:38.720 A bad leader

00:13:40.820 can destroy

00:13:41.640 a great team

00:13:42.800 causing the best

00:13:44.300 employees to flee

00:13:45.840 and the rest

00:13:47.320 to lose their

00:13:47.960 commitment

00:13:48.440 and motivation.

00:13:50.260 A bad leader

00:13:51.480 can destroy

00:13:52.060 a great team

00:13:52.900 causing the best

00:13:53.720 employees to flee

00:13:54.660 and the rest

00:13:55.700 to lose their

00:13:56.240 commitment

00:13:56.620 and motivation.

00:13:58.680 And where this

00:13:59.860 resonated

00:14:00.480 and hopefully

00:14:01.240 this resonates

00:14:01.880 to everybody

00:14:02.320 that we can see

00:14:02.960 this connection,

00:14:04.080 what's a leader?

00:14:05.320 And I had this

00:14:06.280 interesting conversation

00:14:07.220 with someone

00:14:08.000 actually a couple

00:14:09.680 weeks ago

00:14:10.320 and we're talking

00:14:11.600 about personal

00:14:12.560 coaching

00:14:13.040 and leadership

00:14:14.380 development

00:14:14.980 and my response

00:14:16.900 was leadership

00:14:18.040 development

00:14:18.580 is personal

00:14:19.340 coaching.

00:14:20.840 They're actually

00:14:21.700 one in the same

00:14:22.700 because anyone

00:14:24.640 that's focused

00:14:25.340 on their

00:14:25.920 own personal

00:14:26.620 development

00:14:27.200 what ultimately

00:14:29.020 is the motivation

00:14:29.900 to become better

00:14:30.720 and show up

00:14:31.140 more powerfully

00:14:31.700 in the world?

00:14:32.560 It's actually

00:14:33.420 so you can

00:14:34.120 leave a lasting

00:14:34.860 impact in the

00:14:35.800 lives of those

00:14:37.200 that you serve

00:14:38.560 also called

00:14:40.120 leadership.

00:14:41.640 And so when

00:14:42.040 we look at

00:14:42.880 how to show up

00:14:43.400 more powerfully

00:14:43.940 as a leader

00:14:44.480 that is part

00:14:46.200 of showing up

00:14:46.880 more powerfully

00:14:47.480 period

00:14:47.980 as even

00:14:48.700 as individuals.

00:14:49.500 And so this

00:14:51.140 quote resonated

00:14:51.920 with me

00:14:52.620 primarily from

00:14:53.900 the perspective

00:14:54.620 of it

00:14:56.160 matters.

00:14:57.040 It matters

00:14:58.060 how Biden

00:14:59.600 shows up.

00:15:00.460 It matters

00:15:01.000 how Trump

00:15:01.720 shows up.

00:15:03.020 And how

00:15:03.640 they show up

00:15:04.440 brings out

00:15:05.900 the best

00:15:06.360 in people.

00:15:07.620 How you show

00:15:08.600 up as a father

00:15:09.400 brings out

00:15:10.200 the best

00:15:10.600 in your kids.

00:15:11.160 How you show

00:15:11.780 up as a man

00:15:12.540 brings out

00:15:13.720 the best

00:15:14.100 in your spouse,

00:15:15.360 your coworkers,

00:15:16.500 all those around you.

00:15:17.380 You don't have

00:15:17.720 to be in a

00:15:18.140 position of authority

00:15:19.120 to bring out

00:15:20.160 the best

00:15:20.660 in people.

00:15:22.960 And the flip

00:15:23.900 side is still

00:15:24.480 true.

00:15:25.800 When we

00:15:26.840 don't show

00:15:27.960 up as great

00:15:28.740 leaders,

00:15:29.520 we will lose

00:15:30.360 the commitment

00:15:31.020 and the motivation

00:15:32.000 of those people

00:15:32.860 around us.

00:15:34.700 And they will

00:15:35.680 silently quit.

00:15:37.300 We will

00:15:38.180 unmotivate

00:15:38.960 them,

00:15:39.640 demotivate

00:15:40.260 them,

00:15:40.720 and we will

00:15:42.040 lose commitment

00:15:42.920 from them.

00:15:44.920 So critical.

00:15:46.100 A bad leader

00:15:46.680 can destroy

00:15:47.500 a great team.

00:15:49.180 The best

00:15:49.840 employees

00:15:50.240 will flee

00:15:50.820 when we're

00:15:51.700 bad leaders

00:15:52.360 and the rest

00:15:53.540 will end up

00:15:55.340 silently quitting.

00:15:57.860 So there's

00:15:58.580 my headline

00:15:59.120 for today.

00:16:01.400 All right.

00:16:02.000 So I'll go ahead

00:16:02.840 and read off

00:16:03.180 the questions.

00:16:04.140 Sean,

00:16:04.520 you go,

00:16:05.160 you get first

00:16:05.700 stab at them.

00:16:06.340 So this is

00:16:06.940 from Alex.

00:16:08.140 I actually

00:16:08.800 didn't write

00:16:09.280 down Alex's

00:16:10.160 Instagram handle.

00:16:11.140 So my apologies,

00:16:12.000 Alex.

00:16:12.680 So good afternoon.

00:16:13.680 I listen to

00:16:15.320 the Order Man

00:16:15.780 podcast with

00:16:16.500 Ryan and

00:16:17.000 yourself.

00:16:17.420 He's obviously

00:16:17.880 talking about

00:16:18.820 me every week

00:16:19.760 and really

00:16:20.200 appreciate the

00:16:20.800 content you

00:16:21.260 guys put out.

00:16:22.060 I'm reaching out

00:16:22.920 because I am

00:16:23.500 seeking more

00:16:24.060 advice.

00:16:24.560 At work,

00:16:25.760 I like to think

00:16:26.820 that I'm very

00:16:27.380 friendly and I

00:16:28.620 enjoy talking to

00:16:29.400 everyone just to

00:16:30.180 say hello,

00:16:31.160 ask about their

00:16:31.920 week or weekends,

00:16:33.080 how they are

00:16:33.880 doing,

00:16:34.240 and basic

00:16:34.600 questions like

00:16:35.300 such.

00:16:36.140 Nothing too

00:16:36.780 personal,

00:16:37.580 but enough to

00:16:38.180 get to know

00:16:38.760 people.

00:16:39.160 I have a good

00:16:40.320 friendship with

00:16:40.980 almost all of

00:16:41.660 my coworkers

00:16:42.240 because of

00:16:42.840 this.

00:16:43.120 However,

00:16:43.680 someone seems

00:16:44.500 to have

00:16:45.000 misunderstood

00:16:45.840 or mistaken

00:16:47.440 this as me

00:16:48.200 flirting with

00:16:48.860 them and has

00:16:50.320 complained about

00:16:51.320 it to a

00:16:51.740 management.

00:16:52.580 This person

00:16:53.140 has never

00:16:53.500 expressed to

00:16:54.400 me that me

00:16:55.780 talking to

00:16:56.220 them has made

00:16:56.800 them feel that

00:16:57.320 way.

00:16:57.920 In fact,

00:16:58.440 the only way

00:16:59.020 I found out

00:16:59.580 about this

00:17:00.040 was when my

00:17:00.640 manager pulled

00:17:01.380 me into the

00:17:01.940 office to

00:17:02.900 confront me

00:17:03.760 and tell me

00:17:04.880 this person

00:17:05.460 feels that I

00:17:06.440 am overbearing

00:17:07.400 and I

00:17:08.660 like to

00:17:09.560 talk too

00:17:10.180 much.

00:17:10.900 I'm unsure

00:17:11.440 how to

00:17:12.320 feel or

00:17:13.280 handle this

00:17:13.920 situation.

00:17:18.480 Well,

00:17:20.060 this is,

00:17:21.380 I mean,

00:17:23.260 my initial

00:17:24.800 gut reaction

00:17:25.640 is that

00:17:26.280 there's a

00:17:27.140 lot more

00:17:27.680 of this

00:17:28.460 than there

00:17:30.560 used to

00:17:31.020 be.

00:17:31.840 And so

00:17:32.260 we're kind

00:17:32.900 of in a

00:17:33.160 different world

00:17:33.700 now when it

00:17:34.260 comes to

00:17:34.760 interacting with

00:17:35.640 our coworkers.

00:17:36.380 I couldn't

00:17:37.460 even imagine

00:17:38.100 being in

00:17:38.900 HR in

00:17:41.340 this era

00:17:42.820 of business

00:17:45.800 right now,

00:17:46.800 especially the

00:17:47.920 larger scale

00:17:48.580 company that

00:17:49.320 you have

00:17:49.840 because so

00:17:50.580 many things

00:17:51.020 are misconstrued

00:17:52.020 as inappropriate

00:17:53.460 nowadays.

00:17:54.360 And so

00:17:54.680 I think

00:17:55.960 for you,

00:17:59.840 what I'm

00:18:00.220 hearing is

00:18:00.720 that he's

00:18:02.720 an outgoing

00:18:03.320 person.

00:18:03.740 and I

00:18:06.100 personally,

00:18:07.520 I don't

00:18:07.820 have this

00:18:08.260 challenge

00:18:08.840 because I'm

00:18:10.640 more of an

00:18:11.060 introvert and

00:18:12.060 I, you

00:18:12.740 know, tend

00:18:13.100 to only talk

00:18:13.800 to people

00:18:14.180 if I'm

00:18:14.660 addressed by

00:18:15.500 them most

00:18:16.400 of the

00:18:16.600 time.

00:18:17.660 But if

00:18:19.620 you're an

00:18:19.920 outgoing

00:18:20.200 person, I

00:18:20.920 think what

00:18:21.340 you have

00:18:22.120 to do

00:18:22.680 and it's

00:18:24.820 not going

00:18:25.180 to be

00:18:25.380 natural for

00:18:26.180 you is

00:18:27.800 just reel

00:18:29.320 it back in

00:18:29.960 a little

00:18:30.620 bit when

00:18:31.260 it comes

00:18:31.640 to your

00:18:33.440 interaction

00:18:34.080 with your

00:18:34.500 fellow

00:18:34.740 employees.

00:18:35.180 Because if

00:18:36.600 one person

00:18:37.800 is saying

00:18:38.360 that, then

00:18:39.160 you also

00:18:39.600 have to

00:18:39.980 think, okay,

00:18:41.220 that's just

00:18:41.960 the one who's

00:18:42.560 saying something

00:18:43.280 about it.

00:18:44.400 Okay, so I

00:18:44.860 can't, without

00:18:45.740 knowing this

00:18:46.780 guy, I can't

00:18:48.500 say that it's

00:18:49.040 not him, that

00:18:49.880 he's just

00:18:50.340 friendly.

00:18:51.440 You know,

00:18:51.740 some people

00:18:53.120 think they're

00:18:53.540 just friendly,

00:18:54.640 but they say

00:18:55.600 inappropriate

00:18:56.000 things sometimes

00:18:56.820 because their

00:18:57.520 version of

00:18:58.020 friendly or

00:18:59.580 the way

00:18:59.960 that they

00:19:00.360 were brought

00:19:00.980 up, they

00:19:03.980 think everybody

00:19:05.360 has kind of

00:19:06.540 lived that way

00:19:07.200 and so the

00:19:07.920 thing's not

00:19:08.800 offensive to

00:19:09.380 them or, you

00:19:10.180 know, no big

00:19:10.660 deal to them

00:19:11.320 could be

00:19:12.180 just construed

00:19:12.840 somebody else.

00:19:14.160 I can just

00:19:15.300 think of like

00:19:15.960 my family, for

00:19:16.740 instance, when we

00:19:17.360 get together on

00:19:19.000 my mom's side of

00:19:19.720 the family, it's

00:19:21.280 everybody when

00:19:22.700 they walk in

00:19:23.260 the door, kind

00:19:24.260 of the greeting

00:19:24.760 is, what's up

00:19:25.560 dumbass, you

00:19:26.720 know, and

00:19:27.120 like everybody

00:19:28.620 thinks it's

00:19:29.120 funny.

00:19:29.580 They spend

00:19:30.320 the whole

00:19:30.640 time berating

00:19:31.420 each other.

00:19:32.660 It's like no

00:19:33.820 one can do

00:19:34.400 anything right.

00:19:35.820 It's, you

00:19:36.400 know, it's

00:19:36.820 just like you

00:19:38.160 just get the

00:19:41.040 worst of

00:19:41.740 everybody and

00:19:42.560 everyone thinks

00:19:43.140 it's hilarious.

00:19:44.560 And so when I

00:19:46.080 was younger, I

00:19:46.740 used to think

00:19:47.120 everybody

00:19:47.580 interacted that

00:19:48.360 way.

00:19:48.740 And I found

00:19:49.520 out fairly

00:19:50.400 quickly, like

00:19:51.320 you can't

00:19:52.960 address most

00:19:54.300 people certain

00:19:55.620 ways.

00:19:56.040 And so, you

00:19:58.220 know, you

00:19:58.520 have to figure

00:19:59.320 that out.

00:19:59.920 Now, in

00:20:00.660 that, I

00:20:01.880 would also

00:20:02.220 talk to your

00:20:02.760 manager and

00:20:03.440 ask, like,

00:20:05.280 really with

00:20:06.520 full transparency,

00:20:08.100 is it me?

00:20:09.780 Am I

00:20:10.300 overbearing?

00:20:11.820 Do you

00:20:12.660 think I

00:20:13.300 talk now?

00:20:14.160 Well, you're

00:20:15.600 probably not

00:20:16.560 going to want

00:20:17.080 to hear the

00:20:18.120 things that

00:20:18.820 they tell

00:20:19.200 you.

00:20:19.980 And maybe if

00:20:20.820 you have some

00:20:21.480 closer friends

00:20:23.000 at that job,

00:20:25.240 you can ask

00:20:25.760 them, like,

00:20:26.280 hey, what

00:20:26.580 do you guys

00:20:27.440 think?

00:20:27.660 I wouldn't

00:20:27.980 mention who's

00:20:28.680 complaining about

00:20:29.700 you.

00:20:30.120 Yeah, don't

00:20:30.540 go through.

00:20:30.920 Hey, what

00:20:31.260 do you guys

00:20:31.580 think?

00:20:32.300 Yeah, definitely

00:20:33.040 don't do that

00:20:33.800 because that's

00:20:34.280 just going to

00:20:34.620 make things

00:20:35.000 worse.

00:20:35.640 But be,

00:20:37.480 hey, you

00:20:38.260 know, what

00:20:38.520 do you guys

00:20:38.800 think?

00:20:39.100 Do you think

00:20:39.420 I'm a little

00:20:39.760 overbearing?

00:20:40.560 Do you think

00:20:40.880 I talk too

00:20:41.400 much?

00:20:41.780 Do you think

00:20:42.080 I need to

00:20:42.820 kind of

00:20:43.640 stick to

00:20:44.460 task a

00:20:45.780 little more?

00:20:47.800 What's your

00:20:48.440 advice for me

00:20:49.440 to be more

00:20:49.900 effective in

00:20:50.520 the workplace?

00:20:52.020 And maybe

00:20:53.320 that, right?

00:20:54.300 I mean, again,

00:20:55.400 there's so

00:20:56.240 much context

00:20:56.800 that we

00:20:57.440 don't have

00:20:58.240 in this

00:20:59.480 with human

00:21:00.800 nature.

00:21:02.000 It's kind

00:21:02.400 of like sending

00:21:02.780 a text message

00:21:03.580 and the

00:21:06.140 actual context,

00:21:08.300 so much context

00:21:09.040 is lost in

00:21:10.460 texting or in

00:21:11.420 typing than

00:21:12.560 having an

00:21:13.120 actual

00:21:13.360 conversation.

00:21:14.860 So I

00:21:15.360 think the

00:21:16.000 most important

00:21:16.440 thing you

00:21:16.640 could do

00:21:16.860 is find

00:21:17.200 the people

00:21:17.460 that are

00:21:17.700 closest to

00:21:18.400 it, that

00:21:19.060 you respect,

00:21:19.880 that you

00:21:20.980 think can

00:21:21.580 look at

00:21:22.080 it without

00:21:26.760 bias and

00:21:28.920 be honest

00:21:29.660 with their

00:21:31.540 input and

00:21:33.140 kind of

00:21:33.500 navigate from

00:21:34.220 there.

00:21:35.560 What would

00:21:36.040 you say or

00:21:37.200 add to that?

00:21:37.940 I totally

00:21:38.500 agree.

00:21:39.060 I mean,

00:21:39.260 Alex, the

00:21:39.780 probability is

00:21:40.660 you probably

00:21:41.120 are talking

00:21:41.660 too much.

00:21:43.900 That's the

00:21:44.460 probability.

00:21:45.260 And be

00:21:46.060 careful not

00:21:46.960 to be this

00:21:47.460 as like,

00:21:47.960 oh my gosh,

00:21:48.920 everyone's out

00:21:49.400 to get me.

00:21:49.900 It may not

00:21:50.440 be that,

00:21:51.340 right?

00:21:51.740 But I know,

00:21:52.520 I know,

00:21:52.900 like some of

00:21:53.420 my best

00:21:53.800 friends,

00:21:54.240 like one of

00:21:54.880 my best

00:21:55.240 friends,

00:21:55.620 and Matt,

00:21:56.240 if you're

00:21:56.580 listening,

00:21:57.440 you know I

00:21:58.100 love you,

00:21:58.480 Matt.

00:21:59.040 And I love

00:21:59.940 Matt,

00:22:00.380 but Matt's

00:22:00.960 a talker,

00:22:02.200 right?

00:22:03.240 And because

00:22:04.300 he's a

00:22:04.780 talker,

00:22:05.480 there's an

00:22:06.700 impact to

00:22:08.280 hanging out

00:22:08.820 with Matt.

00:22:09.840 The impact

00:22:10.480 is I don't

00:22:11.180 go to bed

00:22:11.660 on time.

00:22:12.140 We'll end

00:22:12.820 up until

00:22:13.280 2 a.m.

00:22:13.960 in the morning

00:22:14.360 chatting.

00:22:15.220 And I love

00:22:16.020 him, but

00:22:16.380 there's a

00:22:16.780 price to

00:22:17.400 it, right?

00:22:19.160 And so

00:22:20.400 you got to

00:22:21.240 rein it in,

00:22:22.620 you got to

00:22:23.400 check it.

00:22:24.880 And it's

00:22:25.320 mostly because

00:22:26.040 you want

00:22:27.060 people,

00:22:27.480 how's this?

00:22:28.160 You want

00:22:28.700 people wanting

00:22:29.440 to talk to

00:22:30.020 you.

00:22:30.260 That's the

00:22:32.200 ideal state,

00:22:33.500 not you

00:22:34.360 talking to

00:22:34.920 them.

00:22:35.560 So talk to

00:22:36.440 people enough

00:22:37.340 that they

00:22:37.740 want to be

00:22:38.340 with you,

00:22:39.140 but don't

00:22:40.000 overdo it.

00:22:41.120 Otherwise,

00:22:41.880 they're not

00:22:42.260 getting their

00:22:42.600 work done,

00:22:43.500 you're

00:22:43.760 distracting

00:22:44.160 from getting

00:22:44.600 something done

00:22:45.160 or whatever.

00:22:45.940 And so

00:22:46.200 maybe even

00:22:46.900 just sit

00:22:47.380 with it

00:22:47.720 and kind

00:22:48.080 of watch

00:22:48.400 body language

00:22:49.060 a little

00:22:49.380 bit.

00:22:50.160 And you'll

00:22:50.880 get reps

00:22:51.480 with this.

00:22:51.920 Like I

00:22:52.200 know when

00:22:52.800 people are

00:22:54.020 no longer

00:22:54.680 caring about

00:22:55.300 my story,

00:22:56.300 right?

00:22:56.600 Oh,

00:22:56.920 my next

00:22:57.340 joke.

00:22:57.760 You can

00:22:58.240 tell.

00:22:59.360 Like if you

00:23:00.120 watch body

00:23:00.600 language

00:23:00.920 enough,

00:23:01.260 you go,

00:23:01.740 oh,

00:23:02.140 they're

00:23:02.400 bored with

00:23:02.940 me to

00:23:03.400 be frank,

00:23:03.900 or they're

00:23:04.640 just appeasing

00:23:05.340 me right

00:23:05.800 now and

00:23:06.220 pretending to

00:23:06.740 be interested,

00:23:07.380 but they're

00:23:07.600 really not.

00:23:08.060 Like you

00:23:09.160 can get to

00:23:09.640 a point

00:23:09.960 where you

00:23:10.280 can read

00:23:10.700 people.

00:23:11.280 The important

00:23:12.080 part is

00:23:12.600 don't take

00:23:13.120 it personal

00:23:13.720 as like

00:23:14.240 some like

00:23:15.100 they don't

00:23:15.500 care about

00:23:16.020 you or

00:23:16.440 I'm not

00:23:16.720 valuable or

00:23:17.280 none of

00:23:17.580 that kind

00:23:17.980 of jazz.

00:23:18.500 It's just

00:23:19.020 we all

00:23:19.540 have competing

00:23:20.160 priorities.

00:23:20.820 We have

00:23:20.960 things that

00:23:21.320 we're trying

00:23:21.600 to get

00:23:21.800 done and

00:23:22.660 there's a

00:23:23.340 high probability

00:23:24.000 you could

00:23:24.820 be a

00:23:25.160 distraction.

00:23:26.600 And so

00:23:30.120 I think

00:23:30.720 on Dale

00:23:31.220 Carnegie's

00:23:31.860 book,

00:23:32.080 what's

00:23:32.240 his famous

00:23:32.660 book,

00:23:33.360 How to

00:23:33.620 Influence

00:23:34.100 People.

00:23:34.320 How to

00:23:34.560 Win

00:23:34.700 Friends

00:23:35.160 and

00:23:35.360 Influence

00:23:35.740 People.

00:23:36.800 I'm

00:23:37.360 pretty

00:23:37.760 positive

00:23:38.300 he talks

00:23:39.120 about

00:23:39.560 that

00:23:39.880 concept

00:23:40.500 of how

00:23:41.380 to

00:23:41.600 generate

00:23:42.060 friendships,

00:23:43.540 but

00:23:43.560 be scarce

00:23:48.680 with them.

00:23:50.100 So they're

00:23:50.480 seeking you

00:23:51.160 out.

00:23:51.580 You don't

00:23:52.100 want to

00:23:52.520 overdo it

00:23:53.280 and become

00:23:54.560 more of a

00:23:55.120 burden and

00:23:55.900 or a

00:23:56.340 distraction.

00:23:57.380 So just

00:23:57.860 kind of play

00:23:58.380 with those

00:23:58.740 thoughts.

00:23:59.020 Now, I

00:23:59.820 can't help

00:24:00.660 but demonize

00:24:02.580 your boss

00:24:03.160 really quick

00:24:03.720 because this

00:24:04.540 is the

00:24:06.980 problem,

00:24:07.960 by the way.

00:24:09.020 So if

00:24:09.300 anybody's in

00:24:09.880 a leadership

00:24:10.280 position,

00:24:11.500 let's address

00:24:12.680 this correctly.

00:24:14.320 Okay?

00:24:14.980 So here's

00:24:15.640 what happened

00:24:17.280 to Alex

00:24:17.780 and how his

00:24:18.580 boss handled

00:24:19.180 this is

00:24:20.100 HR 101.

00:24:22.480 This is

00:24:23.100 management

00:24:24.140 101.

00:24:24.880 This is

00:24:25.180 what everyone

00:24:25.900 does today

00:24:26.840 and this

00:24:27.620 is the

00:24:28.120 problem

00:24:28.840 with most

00:24:29.940 managers

00:24:30.520 today.

00:24:31.560 So now

00:24:32.400 let's

00:24:32.880 flip this

00:24:33.560 on its

00:24:34.300 head

00:24:34.580 and let's

00:24:35.340 address this

00:24:36.080 how it

00:24:36.700 should have

00:24:37.020 been addressed.

00:24:38.040 So all

00:24:39.120 of a sudden

00:24:39.520 Sally comes

00:24:40.620 to me

00:24:41.040 and says,

00:24:41.940 hey boss,

00:24:42.740 I want to

00:24:43.720 talk to you

00:24:44.080 about something.

00:24:45.600 You know,

00:24:45.940 I think Alex

00:24:46.720 is a little

00:24:47.420 inappropriate

00:24:48.060 and overbearing

00:24:48.960 and he talks

00:24:49.980 too much

00:24:50.360 and I think

00:24:51.000 it's because

00:24:51.540 he's flirting

00:24:52.100 with me.

00:24:53.380 Right?

00:24:54.080 And this

00:24:54.780 is how

00:24:55.180 his boss

00:24:55.740 should have

00:24:56.080 handled it.

00:24:56.780 Really

00:24:57.240 interesting.

00:24:58.260 Is it

00:24:58.920 in the

00:24:59.440 space of

00:25:00.060 sexual

00:25:00.460 harassment?

00:25:00.940 Because first

00:25:01.640 legally you

00:25:02.180 have to

00:25:02.460 do that.

00:25:02.900 So let's

00:25:03.500 get to

00:25:04.060 the regulation

00:25:04.900 stuff.

00:25:05.920 Is it

00:25:06.480 sexual

00:25:06.940 harassment?

00:25:07.400 Is that

00:25:07.580 what you're

00:25:07.800 saying?

00:25:08.100 And then

00:25:08.340 she says,

00:25:09.160 no,

00:25:09.760 I just

00:25:10.180 think it's

00:25:10.600 overbearing

00:25:11.200 and he's

00:25:11.660 talking to

00:25:12.060 much and

00:25:12.420 blah,

00:25:12.580 blah,

00:25:12.700 blah.

00:25:12.800 I'm like,

00:25:13.140 awesome.

00:25:14.020 Have you

00:25:14.400 talked to

00:25:14.840 Alex yet?

00:25:17.060 Oh,

00:25:17.500 no,

00:25:17.920 I haven't

00:25:18.340 talked to

00:25:18.660 Alex.

00:25:19.000 Okay,

00:25:19.500 that's how

00:25:20.240 we address

00:25:20.740 it here.

00:25:21.160 because by

00:25:23.600 me talking

00:25:24.320 to Alex

00:25:24.800 on your

00:25:25.160 behalf,

00:25:25.840 I'm going

00:25:26.560 to create

00:25:27.500 a mistrust

00:25:28.360 in the

00:25:29.000 relationship

00:25:29.540 between you

00:25:30.200 and Alex.

00:25:30.940 And that

00:25:31.440 is the

00:25:31.720 last thing

00:25:32.160 that we

00:25:32.420 need to

00:25:32.820 do.

00:25:33.320 What we

00:25:33.840 need to

00:25:34.160 do is

00:25:34.640 we need

00:25:34.960 to practice

00:25:35.540 assertive

00:25:36.140 communication

00:25:36.780 within this

00:25:37.340 organization.

00:25:37.960 if there's

00:25:39.040 ever a

00:25:39.540 time that

00:25:40.500 you feel

00:25:41.160 uneasy,

00:25:41.940 if there's

00:25:42.400 a time

00:25:42.880 where an

00:25:43.300 employee is

00:25:43.800 not doing

00:25:44.280 their job,

00:25:45.140 where they're

00:25:45.460 a distraction,

00:25:46.520 if a

00:25:46.880 project's

00:25:47.300 failing,

00:25:47.860 whatever,

00:25:48.540 there's a

00:25:48.940 problem.

00:25:49.580 We don't

00:25:50.480 hope and

00:25:51.040 wait.

00:25:51.700 We don't

00:25:52.260 run to

00:25:52.660 leadership.

00:25:53.820 What we

00:25:54.160 do is we

00:25:54.800 practice

00:25:55.300 assertive

00:25:56.020 communication

00:25:56.860 and we

00:25:57.880 raise our

00:25:58.420 hand and

00:25:58.880 we address

00:25:59.360 the issue.

00:26:00.380 So let's

00:26:01.340 walk through

00:26:01.940 Sally,

00:26:03.080 how you can

00:26:03.780 have this

00:26:04.140 conversation

00:26:04.620 effective with

00:26:05.340 Alex so

00:26:05.980 you're

00:26:06.940 handling

00:26:07.300 communication

00:26:07.980 properly and

00:26:09.000 your relationship

00:26:09.960 is even

00:26:10.540 stronger.

00:26:11.460 And we

00:26:12.120 do it in

00:26:12.400 a way that

00:26:12.720 we can

00:26:13.020 coach Alex

00:26:13.660 and help

00:26:14.020 Alex.

00:26:14.540 Because do

00:26:15.040 we care

00:26:15.420 about Alex?

00:26:16.040 Yes, we

00:26:16.380 do.

00:26:17.440 So let's

00:26:18.180 walk through

00:26:19.300 and let's

00:26:20.900 do some

00:26:21.380 coaching on

00:26:21.880 how you do

00:26:22.300 that effectively.

00:26:23.840 That is how

00:26:24.860 that gets

00:26:25.320 handled in

00:26:25.920 an effective

00:26:26.320 organization.

00:26:28.000 You don't

00:26:29.280 pander to

00:26:30.400 people being

00:26:31.100 offended.

00:26:31.880 You don't

00:26:32.180 pander,

00:26:32.920 well, he's

00:26:33.240 overbearing and

00:26:34.060 I don't want

00:26:34.420 to have the

00:26:34.700 conversation.

00:26:34.960 No, not

00:26:35.940 here.

00:26:36.280 You address

00:26:37.300 it head

00:26:37.680 on.

00:26:38.320 That's how

00:26:38.740 you grow

00:26:39.280 Sally.

00:26:40.080 So in

00:26:40.780 this example

00:26:41.620 that Alex

00:26:43.140 gave, who

00:26:44.000 might grow?

00:26:45.200 Alex does.

00:26:46.660 But who

00:26:47.340 didn't grow?

00:26:48.180 The boss

00:26:48.680 didn't grow

00:26:49.140 and neither

00:26:50.240 did Sally.

00:26:52.740 And they're

00:26:53.500 also at fault

00:26:54.320 in regards to

00:26:54.980 how they're

00:26:55.280 handling the

00:26:55.760 circumstance.

00:26:56.180 Because now

00:26:56.720 look what we're

00:26:57.240 doing.

00:26:57.660 What are we

00:26:58.060 coaching Alex

00:26:58.700 to do?

00:26:59.400 We'll find

00:27:00.000 someone, try

00:27:00.820 to get some

00:27:01.240 feedback.

00:27:01.760 Why?

00:27:02.020 Because the

00:27:02.480 feedback's not

00:27:03.080 getting clear.

00:27:04.340 Why?

00:27:04.680 Because no

00:27:05.400 one's communicating

00:27:06.160 clearly and

00:27:07.280 being honest.

00:27:08.280 They're

00:27:08.560 circumventing what

00:27:09.860 they're perceiving

00:27:10.500 as a difficult

00:27:11.200 conversation.

00:27:12.340 And that

00:27:12.740 shit's got to

00:27:13.360 stop.

00:27:14.160 So if you're

00:27:14.560 in leadership

00:27:14.980 and management

00:27:15.560 handle these

00:27:16.320 kind of things

00:27:16.840 correctly, don't

00:27:18.220 pander to

00:27:18.840 people, don't

00:27:19.940 rescue them

00:27:20.720 from having a

00:27:21.320 difficult

00:27:21.640 conversation, you

00:27:22.740 coach them in

00:27:23.520 doing the

00:27:23.880 difficult thing

00:27:24.580 because that

00:27:25.120 is where

00:27:25.400 growth is.

00:27:28.040 That's my

00:27:28.600 spiel.

00:27:29.780 Sorry, Alex,

00:27:30.540 tough, man.

00:27:31.260 But hopefully

00:27:31.640 that helps.

00:27:32.080 Anything you

00:27:32.480 else, Sean,

00:27:33.560 or do we

00:27:33.960 cover it, you

00:27:34.360 think?

00:27:35.460 I think we

00:27:36.540 covered it.

00:27:37.260 It's back to

00:27:38.700 the not taking

00:27:39.340 it personally

00:27:39.920 thing.

00:27:41.200 We all have

00:27:42.040 different personality

00:27:42.780 types, and he's

00:27:43.940 obviously the one

00:27:44.960 that is more

00:27:46.180 relationship-driven,

00:27:47.480 most likely.

00:27:49.080 And so if he's

00:27:49.780 going to be, if

00:27:50.580 he's a relational

00:27:51.640 type of a person

00:27:53.040 talking to your

00:27:54.360 personality type,

00:27:55.360 for instance, I

00:27:56.840 don't even have to

00:27:58.520 ask you, Kip,

00:27:59.140 that in your

00:28:00.480 day-to-day, you

00:28:02.000 look at him as

00:28:03.420 what you would

00:28:04.100 call a time

00:28:05.040 waster.

00:28:06.140 And you want

00:28:07.920 to avoid time

00:28:08.800 wasters like the

00:28:10.240 plague, right?

00:28:11.200 Anyone that

00:28:11.960 shoulder taps me.

00:28:12.860 Bad about him

00:28:13.460 as a person.

00:28:14.540 No.

00:28:15.120 Yeah.

00:28:15.340 Anybody that

00:28:15.900 shoulder taps me

00:28:16.900 to start a

00:28:17.560 conversation, I'm

00:28:21.080 sorry, but I'm

00:28:22.000 like, dude, I

00:28:22.860 got work to do.

00:28:23.880 Like, if you

00:28:24.380 want to talk to

00:28:25.060 me, it's, you

00:28:25.860 know, grab me

00:28:26.800 after hours or

00:28:27.520 schedule a damn

00:28:28.160 meeting, right?

00:28:28.740 Like, and I

00:28:29.420 know that's

00:28:29.840 harsh, but

00:28:30.460 like, do you

00:28:31.520 know what's

00:28:31.920 going on in

00:28:33.520 my world?

00:28:34.240 Dude, you

00:28:34.840 can't be talking

00:28:35.560 to me.

00:28:36.120 You know what I

00:28:36.720 mean?

00:28:36.940 And it's tough,

00:28:37.800 right?

00:28:38.260 Because you want

00:28:38.840 to be approachable

00:28:39.620 and all those

00:28:40.060 other things.

00:28:40.520 So, yeah, you're

00:28:41.380 spot on.

00:28:41.960 I would, Alex,

00:28:43.380 you'd rub me

00:28:43.840 wrong in the

00:28:44.340 office a little

00:28:44.960 bit.

00:28:45.280 You know what

00:28:45.500 I mean?

00:28:45.920 Yeah.

00:28:46.300 And his

00:28:46.820 personality type

00:28:47.700 is only 30%

00:28:48.860 of people.

00:28:49.680 So that means

00:28:50.220 seven out of

00:28:51.320 ten that you're

00:28:51.780 talking to all

00:28:52.560 day long are

00:28:53.660 having these

00:28:54.140 thoughts like,

00:28:54.860 dude, I got

00:28:55.320 stuff to do.

00:28:56.920 So don't take

00:28:58.100 it personal.

00:28:58.800 Just know

00:28:59.200 that's how it

00:28:59.680 is and act

00:29:00.540 accordingly.

00:29:01.620 Yeah.

00:29:02.140 Good call.

00:29:03.460 All right.

00:29:03.840 Run the

00:29:04.200 515.

00:29:05.460 Do you

00:29:05.720 still, well,

00:29:07.140 that's a

00:29:07.640 question for

00:29:08.440 Ryan.

00:29:08.880 Next question.

00:29:09.720 All right.

00:29:12.780 Jay Burris

00:29:13.580 96, what

00:29:14.820 are some

00:29:15.220 questions I

00:29:16.140 definitely need

00:29:17.160 to, I need

00:29:18.240 answers to

00:29:19.300 from a woman

00:29:20.540 before marrying

00:29:22.000 her?

00:29:24.120 Ooh.

00:29:26.400 I mean,

00:29:27.200 what do

00:29:28.600 you want

00:29:29.120 is really

00:29:31.140 the question.

00:29:32.220 What do

00:29:32.580 you want

00:29:33.340 before you

00:29:35.000 can ask

00:29:35.560 questions of

00:29:36.420 yeah, yeah,

00:29:37.920 yeah, yeah.

00:29:38.340 You're a

00:29:38.760 partner, a

00:29:39.780 future partner.

00:29:41.240 What do

00:29:41.800 you want?

00:29:43.080 And most

00:29:44.640 men don't

00:29:46.400 know what

00:29:46.760 they want or

00:29:47.320 they think

00:29:47.960 they know

00:29:48.440 what they

00:29:48.780 want and

00:29:49.320 then they

00:29:49.640 bitch about

00:29:50.080 it when

00:29:50.340 they get

00:29:50.640 it.

00:29:51.400 You know,

00:29:51.580 like, like

00:29:52.240 most men

00:29:52.880 say, hey,

00:29:53.680 I want a

00:29:54.160 strong woman.

00:29:54.940 I want a

00:29:55.380 woman that's

00:29:55.820 not dependent

00:29:56.440 on me.

00:29:57.120 I want a

00:29:57.480 woman that,

00:29:58.080 you know,

00:29:58.720 can make

00:29:59.800 her own

00:30:00.300 buck, that

00:30:00.960 can take

00:30:01.480 care of

00:30:01.800 herself, that

00:30:02.620 doesn't, isn't

00:30:03.740 needy, isn't

00:30:05.120 right.

00:30:05.440 And then when

00:30:05.840 they get one

00:30:06.360 of those,

00:30:07.200 they're like,

00:30:07.620 man, this

00:30:08.060 chick's a

00:30:08.460 bitch.

00:30:08.760 Like she's,

00:30:09.520 she just

00:30:10.080 won't stay

00:30:10.820 off of me.

00:30:11.460 She keeps

00:30:12.000 me too

00:30:12.460 accountable.

00:30:13.240 She, right.

00:30:13.900 And so it's

00:30:14.780 like raids me

00:30:15.720 as more

00:30:16.740 masculine than

00:30:17.480 I am is

00:30:18.340 not sexually

00:30:18.960 attracted to

00:30:19.700 me.

00:30:19.940 Right.

00:30:20.200 It's like,

00:30:20.600 well, that's

00:30:22.040 a problem.

00:30:22.820 Yeah.

00:30:23.060 Yeah.

00:30:24.400 You know, and

00:30:25.220 then, or, or

00:30:26.160 some men say, I

00:30:27.660 want a woman

00:30:29.800 who's more

00:30:30.700 subservient to

00:30:31.600 me.

00:30:31.860 I want to be

00:30:32.800 the provider.

00:30:33.700 I want a

00:30:34.280 woman that's

00:30:34.720 going to

00:30:34.960 support me

00:30:35.880 that will, at

00:30:37.080 the end of

00:30:37.400 the day, rub

00:30:37.960 my shoulders

00:30:38.500 and make me

00:30:39.660 dinners and,

00:30:40.440 you know, do

00:30:41.300 these things.

00:30:41.840 And then when

00:30:42.360 they get a

00:30:43.120 woman like

00:30:43.520 that, you

00:30:44.200 know, then

00:30:44.520 they complain

00:30:45.120 like, why, why

00:30:46.680 is she so

00:30:47.160 needy?

00:30:47.660 Why does

00:30:48.000 she, you

00:30:48.760 know, constantly

00:30:49.340 need me to

00:30:50.100 tell her what

00:30:50.840 to do?

00:30:51.460 Why isn't she

00:30:52.140 proactive?

00:30:53.000 Why isn't,

00:30:53.520 right?

00:30:53.740 And it's

00:30:54.020 like, again,

00:30:55.780 really think

00:30:56.640 about what

00:30:57.820 you want and

00:30:58.900 what comes

00:30:59.680 with that.

00:31:00.620 And then the

00:31:01.420 questions aren't,

00:31:02.680 you don't have

00:31:03.160 to ask her if

00:31:04.360 she is those

00:31:05.540 things, you

00:31:07.080 know, you

00:31:07.680 through normal

00:31:09.620 conversation

00:31:10.520 should be able

00:31:11.980 to figure that

00:31:13.840 out, you

00:31:14.460 know, and I

00:31:14.860 would go for

00:31:15.480 what are, what

00:31:16.820 do they want?

00:31:18.500 You know, I

00:31:18.920 think start with

00:31:19.560 knowing what you

00:31:20.220 want and then

00:31:20.940 ask them what

00:31:21.760 they're looking

00:31:22.960 for.

00:31:24.600 I actually had

00:31:25.420 this conversation

00:31:26.040 with Ryan last

00:31:27.740 September when I

00:31:28.960 was out in Utah

00:31:29.480 and I was

00:31:29.880 hunting and we

00:31:30.480 were walking

00:31:31.120 around and I

00:31:31.660 was, you

00:31:32.040 know, just

00:31:32.380 checking in on

00:31:33.640 him, asking

00:31:34.160 him how, I

00:31:34.700 hope he doesn't

00:31:35.120 mind that I'm

00:31:35.580 talking about

00:31:36.040 this a little

00:31:36.420 bit.

00:31:37.260 And, and I

00:31:38.780 was just asking

00:31:39.280 him, how's it

00:31:39.680 going, man?

00:31:40.440 It's got to be

00:31:41.380 weird dating,

00:31:42.100 right?

00:31:42.400 And what's

00:31:42.880 any, and

00:31:43.660 like, what

00:31:44.740 have you learned

00:31:45.700 so far?

00:31:46.180 And one of the

00:31:46.460 things that you

00:31:46.820 told me you

00:31:47.220 learned is,

00:31:47.580 like, I've

00:31:48.300 just learned

00:31:48.720 like, I, I

00:31:50.120 know what I'm

00:31:50.660 looking for.

00:31:51.140 I know what I

00:31:51.620 want.

00:31:52.300 And so I've

00:31:53.360 learned to kind

00:31:54.100 of start these

00:31:54.680 conversations with

00:31:55.680 asking them what

00:31:57.580 they want.

00:31:58.180 And pretty

00:31:58.640 quickly, I can

00:32:00.840 find out if, you

00:32:03.400 know, if any

00:32:04.380 pieces of those

00:32:05.140 puzzles, that

00:32:06.560 puzzle kind of

00:32:07.260 fits together.

00:32:08.500 Dude, and I

00:32:09.220 love that, Sean,

00:32:10.520 that I loved his

00:32:11.600 answer in the

00:32:12.180 sense of, by

00:32:13.580 knowing what you

00:32:14.120 want up front,

00:32:14.880 you can get to

00:32:15.700 brass tacks

00:32:16.440 quicker.

00:32:17.400 And I think

00:32:17.860 that's important

00:32:18.640 because what

00:32:19.520 will happen is,

00:32:21.060 you know, you

00:32:21.480 might find the

00:32:23.360 right personality,

00:32:24.600 right?

00:32:24.840 And you're

00:32:25.640 attracted to her.

00:32:26.560 She's great.

00:32:27.160 And she's like,

00:32:27.740 absolutely, kids

00:32:28.740 are not on the

00:32:29.280 table.

00:32:29.600 And that might

00:32:31.860 be a deal

00:32:32.340 breaker for you.

00:32:33.820 And if you

00:32:34.280 waited to figure

00:32:35.340 that out until

00:32:36.120 later, that kind

00:32:38.120 of sucks, man.

00:32:39.380 Like, I, you

00:32:40.160 know, I feel

00:32:40.640 sorry for guys

00:32:41.360 actually that

00:32:41.960 want to be

00:32:42.720 fathers and end

00:32:44.020 up with a woman

00:32:44.620 that doesn't want

00:32:45.160 to have kids.

00:32:46.520 It's a really

00:32:47.700 big deal.

00:32:48.780 Like, in my

00:32:49.560 opinion, it's a

00:32:50.580 massive big deal.

00:32:52.760 That's a level of

00:32:53.880 fulfillment and

00:32:54.880 purpose and

00:32:55.480 meaning in life

00:32:56.220 that they will

00:32:57.240 never have.

00:32:58.680 And not to

00:33:00.620 get on a

00:33:00.980 soapbox, but

00:33:01.880 our conversations

00:33:02.620 that we have

00:33:03.140 society around

00:33:03.900 being parents is

00:33:04.840 pathetic.

00:33:05.600 I, in fact, I

00:33:06.220 don't even like it

00:33:06.880 anymore.

00:33:07.220 I hate it.

00:33:08.100 We don't want to

00:33:08.740 have kids.

00:33:09.420 Oh, I don't have

00:33:10.640 kids.

00:33:11.100 Oh, I have my

00:33:11.640 dogs.

00:33:12.140 Like, they're the

00:33:12.860 same.

00:33:13.360 They're not the

00:33:14.200 same.

00:33:15.020 And then we, our

00:33:16.080 default mentality is

00:33:17.360 when someone says,

00:33:18.100 oh, how many kids

00:33:18.940 do you have?

00:33:19.260 And I say six.

00:33:20.720 Holy crap.

00:33:21.800 It's like,

00:33:22.760 absolutely I do.

00:33:24.640 Why?

00:33:25.280 Because having

00:33:25.860 children is

00:33:27.120 amazing.

00:33:28.680 And it's a

00:33:29.360 blessing.

00:33:30.900 And if I had

00:33:32.080 two more

00:33:33.020 accidentally, I

00:33:34.760 would embrace it

00:33:35.640 and love it.

00:33:38.000 Like, we need to

00:33:38.820 have a positive

00:33:39.540 relationship around

00:33:40.860 having children,

00:33:41.900 not this

00:33:42.560 burden.

00:33:44.020 No, they're not

00:33:44.640 a burden.

00:33:45.480 They're, they're

00:33:46.080 amazing.

00:33:47.820 And, and so,

00:33:48.640 you know, that's a,

00:33:49.640 that's a split

00:33:50.360 tangent.

00:33:50.720 Sorry.

00:33:51.180 So, but my point

00:33:52.180 being is like, man,

00:33:53.080 if that's really

00:33:53.620 important, you got to

00:33:54.260 know that stuff.

00:33:54.760 And so I love

00:33:55.420 that Ryan's going

00:33:56.180 into these

00:33:56.500 relationships up

00:33:57.260 front, kind of

00:33:57.860 addressing these

00:33:58.660 kind of non

00:33:59.620 negotiables.

00:34:00.780 And, and I

00:34:01.520 think there's a

00:34:02.040 little bit, Sean,

00:34:02.700 in, in seeking

00:34:04.400 what you want.

00:34:05.260 And then there's

00:34:06.080 probably those

00:34:06.660 non-negotiables and

00:34:07.920 you should probably

00:34:08.320 get to those a lot

00:34:09.420 faster than, than

00:34:11.620 later on.

00:34:12.440 Wouldn't you agree?

00:34:13.840 Oh, for sure.

00:34:14.880 And we, I mean, it's

00:34:16.820 talked about on

00:34:17.800 ask me anything at

00:34:19.340 nauseam about, you

00:34:21.580 know, men trying to

00:34:22.500 find the right woman

00:34:23.520 or they're waiting for

00:34:24.640 the right woman to

00:34:25.660 show up for them.

00:34:26.560 When really what it

00:34:27.620 is, is we need to

00:34:28.700 show up as the man,

00:34:30.360 you know, that, that,

00:34:32.400 that deserves that

00:34:33.020 kind of woman that

00:34:33.760 deserves that kind of

00:34:34.760 woman that that's

00:34:35.580 going to attract that

00:34:36.760 kind of woman.

00:34:37.340 And when you're

00:34:38.160 showing up that

00:34:39.440 way, um, you're

00:34:42.120 that radar is going

00:34:43.280 to be up.

00:34:44.200 And so you're

00:34:45.420 going to find more

00:34:46.380 of those women in

00:34:47.500 the vicinity of how

00:34:48.840 you're showing up.

00:34:50.040 And, uh, and then

00:34:51.260 the conversations also

00:34:52.800 end up, you know,

00:34:54.120 being a little more

00:34:54.760 natural and whatever

00:34:56.300 else.

00:34:56.860 So I know we're not

00:34:57.360 directly answering,

00:34:58.300 like, we're not giving

00:34:59.160 in the questions to

00:35:00.240 ask, but I think it

00:35:01.100 comes down to knowing

00:35:01.880 what you want and

00:35:02.920 then finding out what

00:35:03.760 they want.

00:35:04.260 That's your best

00:35:05.120 starting point.

00:35:05.880 And then from there

00:35:07.000 you can go into, you

00:35:09.480 know, some of the

00:35:10.100 little details of

00:35:11.300 you know, what do

00:35:12.920 you, whatever, right?

00:35:14.660 Everything's different

00:35:15.700 nowadays, right?

00:35:16.720 Maybe you don't

00:35:17.560 believe in sex before

00:35:18.760 marriage.

00:35:19.160 So that's a, probably

00:35:20.300 an important question

00:35:21.420 to ask.

00:35:22.080 Maybe you believe

00:35:23.400 people should live

00:35:24.240 together before they

00:35:25.300 get married.

00:35:25.880 Like that's a, you

00:35:27.500 know, important thing

00:35:28.460 to bring up early

00:35:30.080 on there.

00:35:30.580 I think you nailed

00:35:31.380 it when you said

00:35:32.160 that people get

00:35:33.360 stuck in these

00:35:34.300 relationships that

00:35:35.540 are going to a

00:35:36.720 place that they

00:35:37.580 don't agree with,

00:35:38.260 or they don't want,

00:35:39.120 or they don't

00:35:40.520 envision for their

00:35:41.580 lives.

00:35:42.640 And like, we

00:35:44.720 all think, well,

00:35:45.540 you could just walk

00:35:46.340 away at any time,

00:35:47.560 but it's human

00:35:48.740 nature is once

00:35:49.760 you're comfortable,

00:35:50.300 it's hard to walk

00:35:51.040 away from anything.

00:35:51.780 So a lot of men

00:35:53.080 get stuck in

00:35:54.220 relationships that

00:35:55.620 don't serve them

00:35:56.460 or the person that

00:35:57.580 they're with because

00:35:58.480 they're comfortable.

00:35:59.820 Yeah.

00:36:01.400 So before you get

00:36:03.200 comfortable, be

00:36:04.520 willing to ask a

00:36:05.880 little more

00:36:06.300 uncomfortable

00:36:06.960 questions earlier

00:36:09.260 on.

00:36:11.200 You said

00:36:11.840 something I think

00:36:12.680 is, and I know

00:36:13.620 it's a little bit

00:36:14.300 off topic, but I,

00:36:15.420 man, I was

00:36:16.400 thinking about this

00:36:16.980 literally last week.

00:36:18.220 You know, you, you,

00:36:19.120 you said something to

00:36:20.200 the extent of being

00:36:22.820 the man that

00:36:23.960 deserves that kind

00:36:24.580 of woman.

00:36:24.880 Right.

00:36:25.200 And so we, we

00:36:25.860 sit back and we're

00:36:26.360 like, oh, where's

00:36:27.120 this woman?

00:36:27.580 I need to find

00:36:28.120 this woman versus

00:36:29.260 what you should be

00:36:29.840 doing is like being

00:36:30.860 that kind of man

00:36:31.500 first.

00:36:31.880 Right.

00:36:32.320 Because otherwise

00:36:32.880 you're never going

00:36:33.380 to attract that

00:36:33.820 woman or you're,

00:36:34.620 that's not going to

00:36:35.060 be deserving of

00:36:36.120 that kind of

00:36:36.460 woman.

00:36:37.380 And I was

00:36:38.060 thinking, why do

00:36:39.740 we do that?

00:36:40.900 Why do men do

00:36:42.020 that?

00:36:43.080 And, and I was

00:36:44.180 actually thinking on

00:36:44.900 a similar subject

00:36:45.920 this past week as

00:36:46.940 I had a lot kind

00:36:48.020 of going through

00:36:48.380 my mind to be

00:36:48.980 frank.

00:36:50.180 And I think

00:36:52.940 it's rooted in

00:36:54.020 this idea of

00:36:55.820 low self-confidence

00:36:56.940 where these men

00:36:58.740 want someone that

00:37:00.620 will loyally

00:37:02.420 accept them for

00:37:03.480 who they are.

00:37:04.100 because even

00:37:08.280 us, think

00:37:09.060 about it.

00:37:09.820 There's a big

00:37:10.560 difference, right?

00:37:11.200 Sean, like if

00:37:11.960 I said, if I

00:37:13.780 said to you,

00:37:15.380 Sean, you

00:37:16.000 got it, you

00:37:16.500 got to make, make

00:37:17.280 sure to always

00:37:17.800 stay on the

00:37:18.100 path and be

00:37:18.580 great guy because

00:37:19.400 otherwise, you

00:37:20.140 know, you're

00:37:20.480 undeserving of

00:37:21.100 your wife, right?

00:37:21.700 Like that might

00:37:22.720 be true, but it's

00:37:24.420 also kind of a

00:37:25.200 little bit sad

00:37:26.060 because part of

00:37:28.100 me goes, well,

00:37:29.260 where's the

00:37:29.620 loyalty?

00:37:30.900 Where's the

00:37:31.540 accepting me for

00:37:32.660 the dipshit

00:37:33.540 moron that I

00:37:34.380 am right now?

00:37:35.760 Why do I have

00:37:36.640 to constantly

00:37:37.620 make sure that

00:37:39.940 I'm worth

00:37:40.400 loving?

00:37:43.040 And, and, and

00:37:44.320 insight of that,

00:37:45.400 like that thought

00:37:46.120 process, I really

00:37:47.840 came to the

00:37:48.300 conclusion of why

00:37:49.380 that mindset is

00:37:50.940 rooted in what?

00:37:52.160 Seeking validation

00:37:53.300 from her, right?

00:37:54.960 Being good enough

00:37:55.680 for her, right?

00:37:57.440 And then, and

00:37:58.580 then when you're

00:37:58.960 not great, then

00:38:00.660 it feels unfair

00:38:02.020 that you have to

00:38:03.040 prove yourself to

00:38:03.820 be loved.

00:38:05.220 And I think it

00:38:06.320 only is that way

00:38:07.680 because you don't

00:38:08.820 love yourself.

00:38:12.200 And it's in

00:38:13.240 building confidence

00:38:14.340 and self, confidence

00:38:16.560 and self-love and

00:38:18.580 being proud of

00:38:19.300 where you are and

00:38:21.200 not seeking that

00:38:22.620 in a woman.

00:38:24.160 If she wants to

00:38:25.400 be with you,

00:38:25.840 awesome.

00:38:26.120 If she doesn't,

00:38:27.340 you know what?

00:38:27.840 So be it.

00:38:29.340 But you got to

00:38:30.200 believe that like

00:38:30.960 what you're bringing

00:38:31.500 to the table is

00:38:32.720 great.

00:38:34.540 Always.

00:38:35.480 Otherwise we get

00:38:36.420 into this trap of

00:38:37.420 the no more Mr.

00:38:38.260 Nice guy,

00:38:38.900 constantly seeking

00:38:39.680 validation.

00:38:40.740 Oh, she's not

00:38:41.700 doing this.

00:38:42.280 It doesn't mean she

00:38:42.860 doesn't love me.

00:38:43.580 Right.

00:38:43.940 And, and that's a

00:38:45.160 yucky place to be.

00:38:46.640 And I actually think

00:38:47.920 when we talk about

00:38:48.740 guys like leveling

00:38:49.700 up to prove to

00:38:51.160 get a woman,

00:38:51.820 what will happen

00:38:52.920 is those guys

00:38:53.780 that don't get

00:38:54.520 the self-confidence

00:38:55.360 and the self-love,

00:38:56.700 right?

00:38:56.960 If you want to

00:38:57.340 use that term,

00:38:57.760 I know it sounds

00:38:58.240 kind of weird.

00:38:58.740 I don't know a

00:38:59.220 better term than

00:38:59.800 that, but these

00:39:01.340 guys that haven't

00:39:02.240 learned to love

00:39:02.760 themselves, what

00:39:03.460 they'll do, Sean,

00:39:04.380 is they'll work

00:39:05.600 hard.

00:39:06.500 They'll bust their

00:39:07.520 butt.

00:39:07.920 They will show up

00:39:09.000 powerfully and then

00:39:11.180 they'll let it go

00:39:12.100 because now they got

00:39:14.120 their woman, right?

00:39:16.040 And they're not

00:39:16.820 taking care of

00:39:17.380 themselves.

00:39:18.880 And, and they'll

00:39:19.840 constantly be seeking

00:39:20.760 validation from,

00:39:22.080 from her.

00:39:22.500 And I think

00:39:23.680 that's a really

00:39:24.220 dangerous place to

00:39:25.660 go.

00:39:27.060 Well, that's that

00:39:27.840 comfort I was

00:39:28.500 talking about,

00:39:29.020 right?

00:39:29.360 I mean, that's,

00:39:29.960 you just nailed it.

00:39:31.220 It's part of it.

00:39:31.580 It's, we start to

00:39:33.160 let that stuff go

00:39:33.900 because we become

00:39:35.060 comfortable.

00:39:36.480 It chases off.

00:39:37.920 We don't have to

00:39:38.560 work as hard because

00:39:39.620 the hard work was in

00:39:40.520 the chase is, you

00:39:42.240 know, we tell

00:39:43.640 ourselves and, and

00:39:45.080 that might not be

00:39:46.400 exactly what we tell

00:39:47.280 ourselves, but that's

00:39:48.400 where we land.

00:39:49.520 Yeah.

00:39:50.040 Right.

00:39:50.400 Yeah, totally.

00:39:52.140 I want to give

00:39:53.020 Jay Barris 96 some

00:39:54.600 solids though, right?

00:39:55.580 Definitely need

00:39:56.160 answers from a woman

00:39:57.220 before marrying.

00:39:58.120 And I don't know

00:39:58.940 that the exact

00:39:59.840 questions, but things

00:40:02.220 that come to mind

00:40:03.280 align religious

00:40:05.280 belief.

00:40:06.380 That's critical,

00:40:07.440 right?

00:40:07.660 Like how you live

00:40:08.700 your life in the

00:40:09.800 basis of morality,

00:40:11.040 you should probably

00:40:12.700 be aligned.

00:40:14.820 Politically kind of

00:40:16.300 matters, uh, to be

00:40:17.840 Frank and most

00:40:18.920 people don't change

00:40:20.260 their political

00:40:20.960 viewpoints statistically.

00:40:23.080 So don't think, oh,

00:40:24.820 I'm going to convince

00:40:25.540 her to be a

00:40:26.020 conservative one day,

00:40:27.180 right?

00:40:27.440 Like the probability

00:40:28.420 of that super low

00:40:29.620 having children, I

00:40:31.620 think is another

00:40:32.200 critical issue that

00:40:33.220 you should probably

00:40:33.760 be aware of.

00:40:34.680 And, and it sounds

00:40:36.380 unfair, but I think

00:40:37.400 it's important.

00:40:38.000 There might be

00:40:39.080 non-negotiables from

00:40:40.240 a past perspective

00:40:41.320 that you don't want

00:40:42.320 to deal with.

00:40:43.980 And by the way, it's

00:40:45.680 not your job to deal

00:40:47.020 with it.

00:40:47.780 So get clear.

00:40:49.560 Do you want to

00:40:50.700 take on being

00:40:52.240 married to someone

00:40:52.800 that already has

00:40:53.540 kids there?

00:40:54.420 That's not your

00:40:55.280 responsibility.

00:40:56.600 That's a choice.

00:40:58.320 Do you want to

00:40:59.200 make that choice?

00:41:00.640 Do you care if she

00:41:02.160 used to have a

00:41:02.920 only's fans?

00:41:04.100 Do you care if she

00:41:05.140 still has one?

00:41:06.420 How is she on

00:41:07.400 social media?

00:41:08.360 Is she getting

00:41:09.160 dopamine hits and

00:41:10.160 all this attention

00:41:10.920 online?

00:41:11.760 And she going to

00:41:12.580 stop that?

00:41:13.340 Like, let me say it

00:41:14.580 this way.

00:41:14.920 If you're making

00:41:16.120 any assumptions

00:41:17.180 around change

00:41:19.740 after marriage,

00:41:21.300 address those.

00:41:22.960 Because the

00:41:23.720 probability is your

00:41:24.980 assumptions are wrong

00:41:26.040 and they're not

00:41:27.080 going to change

00:41:27.760 just because you

00:41:28.460 got married.

00:41:29.640 So anything you

00:41:31.860 would add, like

00:41:32.500 just generic items

00:41:33.820 for him?

00:41:34.940 I just, when you

00:41:35.900 were saying that, I

00:41:36.740 wrote down the word

00:41:37.700 values.

00:41:38.440 Everything you're

00:41:39.040 stating is what

00:41:39.800 your values are and

00:41:41.120 then the questions

00:41:41.980 around those things.

00:41:42.660 And I think

00:41:43.040 nailing all of

00:41:44.060 the majors, which

00:41:45.380 is your faith, your

00:41:47.000 family, your

00:41:48.260 finances, your

00:41:49.280 business philosophies,

00:41:51.100 your fitness and

00:41:52.000 health is one, right?

00:41:53.600 I mean, it's like,

00:41:54.660 you've got to be in

00:41:55.400 line with that.

00:41:56.100 Yeah, financial

00:41:56.800 things.

00:41:59.000 And even fun, you

00:42:01.200 know, what they like

00:42:01.880 to do for fun and

00:42:03.260 some of the things

00:42:04.240 and them understanding

00:42:05.660 what you like to do

00:42:06.680 for fun and that

00:42:07.740 like you want to be

00:42:08.940 able to have the

00:42:09.560 time to do those

00:42:10.160 things.

00:42:10.520 That's, they're all

00:42:11.340 values, what you're

00:42:12.180 talking about.

00:42:12.600 So figure out

00:42:13.200 those core values

00:42:14.020 and, and come up

00:42:15.360 with questions

00:42:16.020 surrounding the

00:42:17.000 majors.

00:42:18.640 All right.

00:42:19.300 Next question for,

00:42:20.600 from Michael J.

00:42:21.960 He said, since

00:42:23.040 Father's Day was

00:42:24.200 recent, my question

00:42:25.280 is, where does

00:42:26.380 this dad strength

00:42:27.760 come from?

00:42:30.940 The, uh, the

00:42:32.120 all seems very

00:42:33.060 strong, uh, all

00:42:33.940 men, or they all

00:42:36.080 seem very strong.

00:42:37.460 Even I do not see

00:42:39.080 them work out as

00:42:40.060 much as the

00:42:40.740 younger generation.

00:42:41.620 And this is from

00:42:42.980 Michael J.

00:42:43.620 from Slovakia, by

00:42:44.620 the way.

00:42:45.440 So father strength.

00:42:48.440 Is it a thing?

00:42:49.440 No, it is a thing

00:42:51.180 for sure.

00:42:51.660 It is.

00:42:52.440 And, um, I think

00:42:53.280 so too.

00:42:53.660 I, I, I definitely

00:42:57.980 see this in

00:42:59.000 jujitsu.

00:42:59.980 It's, I don't

00:43:00.460 know if you've

00:43:00.960 experienced this

00:43:01.860 in jujitsu.

00:43:03.340 I mean, old

00:43:03.800 man jujitsu is

00:43:05.340 what we call

00:43:05.840 that.

00:43:08.040 And, uh, here's

00:43:09.840 what I think it

00:43:10.380 is.

00:43:10.700 Uh, honestly, I

00:43:11.760 think it's

00:43:12.080 experience.

00:43:12.760 I think it's

00:43:13.800 having a better

00:43:14.820 understanding of

00:43:15.940 your, the

00:43:16.940 mechanics of

00:43:17.920 your body as

00:43:19.020 you age, that

00:43:21.260 helps you use

00:43:23.840 your strength

00:43:24.460 better instead of

00:43:25.660 just muscling

00:43:27.680 things.

00:43:28.280 I mean, just

00:43:28.920 think of like the

00:43:29.600 basic thing of

00:43:30.320 lifting with your

00:43:31.000 legs, not your

00:43:31.580 back.

00:43:32.040 I mean, you

00:43:32.780 could tell a

00:43:33.260 20 something.

00:43:33.860 We've learned

00:43:34.320 how to get

00:43:34.820 hurt.

00:43:35.400 Yeah, exactly.

00:43:37.180 We've done it

00:43:37.940 wrong a bunch of

00:43:38.920 times, you know,

00:43:39.660 and then if you

00:43:40.240 incorporate using

00:43:41.520 a trainer in any

00:43:43.580 capacity and they

00:43:44.540 teach you actually

00:43:45.420 how to lift, how

00:43:46.840 to use your body,

00:43:47.800 um, just, uh,

00:43:51.020 all of those

00:43:51.860 fundamentals and

00:43:52.560 those basics over

00:43:53.540 time, you, you

00:43:56.080 learn how to get

00:43:57.020 the most strength

00:43:58.020 out of the body

00:43:59.020 that you have.

00:43:59.640 And when you're

00:44:00.080 younger, you

00:44:01.440 haven't learned

00:44:01.860 that yet.

00:44:02.680 You, you, and

00:44:03.700 for most of us,

00:44:04.440 it's trial and

00:44:05.100 error and doing

00:44:05.720 it the wrong

00:44:06.220 way to, to

00:44:07.220 learn what works

00:44:07.860 better and being

00:44:09.760 strong with what

00:44:11.760 we have.

00:44:12.420 And so as you

00:44:13.800 gain that

00:44:14.140 experience, you

00:44:15.420 become stronger.

00:44:16.700 Yeah, I totally

00:44:17.780 agree, man.

00:44:18.620 I, I, I, uh, I

00:44:20.000 never thought of

00:44:20.540 it that way.

00:44:21.240 I, I, what I

00:44:22.120 assumed, which I

00:44:23.040 think might still

00:44:23.640 be true.

00:44:24.240 There's a little

00:44:24.700 bit of this is I

00:44:26.540 also think that as,

00:44:28.520 uh, as you get

00:44:29.620 older and you get

00:44:32.020 into fatherhood as

00:44:32.920 well, you end

00:44:34.840 up having to

00:44:36.220 use strength at

00:44:37.240 a level that, that

00:44:39.540 you've never had

00:44:40.300 to before.

00:44:42.600 Um, I'm trying to

00:44:43.460 think of an

00:44:43.800 example, like no

00:44:45.920 joke.

00:44:46.260 I have, I have

00:44:47.000 moved a piano

00:44:48.260 downstairs once.

00:44:49.500 And I remember

00:44:51.520 thinking if I

00:44:53.840 don't hold this

00:44:55.780 piano up correctly,

00:44:57.980 this will crush

00:44:59.680 me and maybe

00:45:01.220 break my ribs or

00:45:03.380 my leg or

00:45:04.280 something.

00:45:05.020 Oh, wow.

00:45:05.920 Like, like I

00:45:07.020 remember, like I've

00:45:08.020 got myself in a

00:45:08.980 predicament where I

00:45:10.280 have to use all

00:45:12.860 strength possible or

00:45:14.060 something bad will

00:45:14.840 happen.

00:45:15.220 I think those

00:45:16.640 reps show up as

00:45:18.680 you get older,

00:45:19.380 where there's these

00:45:20.120 nuances of I'm

00:45:22.300 having to hold a

00:45:22.940 kid a certain way.

00:45:23.940 I'm having to do

00:45:24.720 something in a

00:45:25.320 certain way because

00:45:26.040 why I kind of have

00:45:27.860 to, right?

00:45:28.660 Like I even

00:45:30.220 experienced this last

00:45:31.220 weekend.

00:45:31.520 I was, I was

00:45:32.420 wrapping up my

00:45:33.160 deck.

00:45:33.600 I, I, I

00:45:34.420 shouldn't, well,

00:45:35.620 I, I caught a

00:45:36.860 quasi messed up on

00:45:38.380 my deck and I

00:45:40.500 had to put in

00:45:42.980 supports on the

00:45:43.900 bottom of the

00:45:44.560 deck after I

00:45:46.260 had already laid

00:45:47.660 the treks.

00:45:48.760 I was by myself.

00:45:51.440 So you tell me

00:45:52.580 how does a man

00:45:54.300 take a two by

00:45:55.880 10 that's 20

00:45:57.900 feet long and

00:45:59.420 reinforce the

00:46:00.180 bottom of the

00:46:00.660 deck by yourself?

00:46:03.100 Leverage.

00:46:03.840 Science.

00:46:04.540 That's fine.

00:46:05.460 And that's kind

00:46:06.340 of some of that

00:46:06.980 old man weird

00:46:08.560 strength stuff,

00:46:09.540 right?

00:46:09.760 Where I'm kind

00:46:10.300 of like balancing

00:46:11.500 a two by 10 on

00:46:13.200 my shoulder,

00:46:14.060 right?

00:46:15.060 Pressing up while

00:46:16.120 drilling into the

00:46:17.040 side.

00:46:17.340 You know what I

00:46:17.580 mean?

00:46:17.720 Like why?

00:46:18.960 Cause I had to,

00:46:20.360 I didn't have an

00:46:21.160 option.

00:46:21.660 I didn't have a

00:46:22.580 body to help me

00:46:23.340 do it.

00:46:23.740 So what do you

00:46:24.940 do?

00:46:25.740 You find a way,

00:46:27.000 right?

00:46:27.240 And there's more

00:46:27.880 opportunities of

00:46:28.880 quote unquote,

00:46:29.820 finding a way as a

00:46:32.120 father and as you

00:46:33.040 get older.

00:46:33.860 So maybe a

00:46:34.780 combination of

00:46:35.400 those two things is

00:46:36.240 where old man

00:46:36.860 strength comes from.

00:46:37.760 I don't know.

00:46:39.080 Yeah.

00:46:39.680 It's in sometimes

00:46:41.180 it's reps and

00:46:42.120 certain things.

00:46:42.860 I mean,

00:46:43.040 I just think of

00:46:43.740 growing up,

00:46:44.820 I used to work

00:46:45.260 for this company

00:46:46.520 that would set

00:46:47.140 up tents for

00:46:47.800 movie locations.

00:46:48.480 And we,

00:46:49.220 every day I

00:46:50.480 pounded stakes

00:46:51.340 into the ground,

00:46:52.580 you know,

00:46:52.840 these big,

00:46:53.500 um,

00:46:55.100 two foot metal

00:46:56.240 stakes.

00:46:56.760 And I literally,

00:46:57.700 I could,

00:46:58.360 I would pound

00:46:59.180 them with a

00:46:59.580 sledgehammer into

00:47:00.600 asphalt,

00:47:01.760 into clay,

00:47:03.420 into like,

00:47:04.020 it didn't matter

00:47:04.460 what it was or

00:47:05.140 how hard it was.

00:47:06.000 I every day was

00:47:07.140 pounding stakes.

00:47:07.960 And the three,

00:47:09.420 the few years

00:47:10.040 that I worked

00:47:10.620 in that job

00:47:11.440 gave me this

00:47:12.620 skill set that

00:47:13.600 I've been able

00:47:14.120 to carry into

00:47:14.820 the rest of my

00:47:15.440 life to where

00:47:16.000 now I'm,

00:47:16.600 I'm creeping in

00:47:17.360 on 50.

00:47:18.680 And one of

00:47:19.660 our,

00:47:20.260 for my wife

00:47:21.220 and I,

00:47:21.460 when we go

00:47:21.780 to carnivals,

00:47:22.940 it's one of

00:47:23.600 the fun things

00:47:24.400 for us,

00:47:25.200 both of us,

00:47:25.980 we actually

00:47:26.400 giggle about

00:47:27.140 is when they

00:47:28.360 have one of

00:47:28.960 those things

00:47:29.520 at the carnival

00:47:30.120 that you hit

00:47:30.720 with the

00:47:31.000 sledgehammer,

00:47:31.680 right?

00:47:32.720 Hits the bell

00:47:33.340 and no one

00:47:34.440 can ever hit

00:47:34.960 the bell.

00:47:35.780 I can hit

00:47:36.680 the bell on

00:47:37.240 those things

00:47:37.680 every single

00:47:38.320 time.

00:47:39.380 Yeah.

00:47:39.900 Like it's not

00:47:40.960 even hard,

00:47:41.440 but it's,

00:47:41.680 it's all

00:47:42.160 technique,

00:47:42.700 right?

00:47:43.300 That technique,

00:47:44.500 the understanding

00:47:45.240 how to hit

00:47:46.660 it,

00:47:46.860 how to swing

00:47:47.520 it,

00:47:47.860 how to,

00:47:48.420 you know,

00:47:48.800 put all

00:47:49.660 of the

00:47:50.120 strength

00:47:50.540 into the

00:47:51.240 point of

00:47:51.560 contact.

00:47:53.080 Um,

00:47:54.080 I mean,

00:47:54.500 doing it

00:47:54.920 for those

00:47:55.260 few years,

00:47:55.800 I never

00:47:56.160 lost,

00:47:56.820 right?

00:47:58.040 That muscle

00:47:58.620 memory is

00:47:59.140 still there.

00:47:59.840 As soon as

00:48:00.520 I pick up

00:48:00.900 a sledgehammer,

00:48:01.480 I can regain

00:48:02.200 that muscle

00:48:02.660 memory again.

00:48:03.800 And so again,

00:48:05.060 that experience

00:48:06.200 sometimes it's

00:48:07.280 reps for doing

00:48:08.260 a certain

00:48:08.640 thing for a

00:48:09.520 certain amount

00:48:09.960 of time and

00:48:11.480 that turns

00:48:12.020 into old man

00:48:13.040 strength.

00:48:13.860 Yeah,

00:48:14.360 totally.

00:48:14.980 Well,

00:48:15.120 and I think

00:48:15.560 it's like

00:48:15.980 farmers are

00:48:16.860 the same

00:48:17.260 way,

00:48:17.520 right?

00:48:17.960 It's not

00:48:18.700 that the

00:48:19.140 farmer went

00:48:20.540 to the

00:48:20.860 gym and

00:48:22.300 worked on

00:48:23.120 his,

00:48:23.360 on his

00:48:24.080 deadlift.

00:48:24.600 It's no,

00:48:25.420 he learned

00:48:25.960 how to

00:48:26.280 pick up

00:48:26.720 hay bales

00:48:27.200 in a way

00:48:27.560 that you

00:48:27.880 don't blow

00:48:28.220 out your

00:48:28.480 back.

00:48:29.100 You do

00:48:29.500 that enough

00:48:30.060 and all

00:48:30.360 of a sudden

00:48:30.580 someone feels

00:48:31.160 that and

00:48:31.380 they go,

00:48:31.740 whoa,

00:48:31.920 you're

00:48:32.120 strong.

00:48:33.180 Well,

00:48:33.760 am I

00:48:34.160 stronger or

00:48:35.040 have I

00:48:35.420 just learned

00:48:36.340 how to

00:48:37.220 use the

00:48:37.580 proper

00:48:37.840 leverage

00:48:38.300 because

00:48:38.800 otherwise

00:48:39.120 I would

00:48:39.560 have,

00:48:39.820 you know,

00:48:40.140 blown out

00:48:40.540 my back

00:48:41.060 if by

00:48:41.580 throwing

00:48:41.920 hay bales

00:48:42.520 all day.

00:48:43.580 So,

00:48:44.500 yeah,

00:48:44.900 I think

00:48:45.400 you're spot

00:48:45.820 on,

00:48:46.120 Sean,

00:48:46.320 from that

00:48:46.640 perspective.

00:48:47.220 All right,

00:48:47.500 Mr.

00:48:47.840 Stout

00:48:48.240 six,

00:48:49.980 how to

00:48:50.560 deal

00:48:50.860 with

00:48:51.160 anxiety

00:48:51.840 and

00:48:52.360 panic

00:48:52.860 attacks?

00:48:58.800 You have

00:48:59.780 to breathe.

00:49:00.760 It's,

00:49:03.060 you know,

00:49:04.080 I,

00:49:04.560 when I

00:49:04.840 used to

00:49:05.120 hear these

00:49:05.480 questions,

00:49:06.340 I never

00:49:07.160 understood

00:49:07.560 them because

00:49:08.120 I was,

00:49:08.920 I'm not

00:49:09.160 the type

00:49:09.560 of person

00:49:10.000 that ever

00:49:10.720 really has

00:49:11.500 had a ton

00:49:12.820 of anxiety

00:49:13.380 in my

00:49:13.800 life.

00:49:14.760 But I

00:49:15.620 can tell

00:49:16.020 you the

00:49:16.320 last

00:49:16.900 year

00:49:20.080 I've

00:49:20.700 been in

00:49:21.340 multiple

00:49:22.040 situations

00:49:22.700 just with

00:49:23.400 things

00:49:23.660 happening

00:49:24.020 with our

00:49:24.380 kids

00:49:24.840 and,

00:49:25.340 you know,

00:49:25.600 other

00:49:25.880 stresses

00:49:26.280 and things

00:49:26.940 happening

00:49:27.320 in our

00:49:28.540 lives that

00:49:29.500 for the

00:49:30.040 first time

00:49:30.380 in my

00:49:30.620 life I've

00:49:31.100 gotten

00:49:31.440 these

00:49:31.800 panic

00:49:32.300 attacks

00:49:32.660 and anxiety

00:49:33.500 and some

00:49:34.540 of these

00:49:34.760 things.

00:49:35.340 And so

00:49:36.900 it's actually

00:49:37.540 I've been,

00:49:38.600 this might

00:49:38.900 sound weird,

00:49:39.700 maybe I'm a

00:49:40.140 masochist,

00:49:40.760 but I've

00:49:41.280 kind of

00:49:41.780 embraced it.

00:49:42.680 I've kind

00:49:43.100 of been,

00:49:43.780 I don't want

00:49:44.200 to say enjoyed

00:49:44.860 it because

00:49:45.320 it hasn't

00:49:45.760 been fun.

00:49:46.640 It sucks.

00:49:48.000 But at

00:49:48.300 the same

00:49:48.640 time,

00:49:49.160 I finally

00:49:50.080 have some

00:49:51.080 empathy,

00:49:51.480 I think,

00:49:52.640 for people

00:49:52.980 who go

00:49:53.280 through this.

00:49:54.680 And what

00:49:55.580 I've found

00:49:56.280 works for

00:49:57.100 me,

00:49:57.760 and you

00:49:58.080 can,

00:49:59.540 you and

00:49:59.880 I,

00:50:00.160 personality-wise,

00:50:00.840 are opposite.

00:50:01.500 I'm assuming

00:50:02.200 you carry a

00:50:03.320 lot more

00:50:03.660 anxiety

00:50:04.160 because of

00:50:04.640 your personality

00:50:05.240 type than

00:50:06.080 I have

00:50:07.100 through my

00:50:07.500 life.

00:50:07.840 So you've

00:50:08.140 got some

00:50:08.500 better advice.

00:50:09.040 But I can

00:50:09.340 tell you,

00:50:10.260 in the short

00:50:10.720 time that's

00:50:11.200 happened to

00:50:11.540 me,

00:50:12.420 because my

00:50:13.760 base personality

00:50:15.640 is to not

00:50:16.300 worry about

00:50:16.820 things,

00:50:18.180 the faster

00:50:19.040 I can

00:50:19.820 go to

00:50:20.760 my faith,

00:50:23.320 the easier

00:50:24.520 it is on

00:50:25.080 me.

00:50:25.240 And the

00:50:26.040 shorter that

00:50:26.940 those stints

00:50:27.620 of anxiety

00:50:28.520 last.

00:50:30.060 But I have

00:50:30.520 to consciously

00:50:31.540 go to

00:50:34.120 my faith

00:50:36.940 in the

00:50:38.280 long term.

00:50:40.120 And

00:50:40.280 everything

00:50:42.520 happens for

00:50:43.480 a reason.

00:50:43.940 that I

00:50:44.820 have a

00:50:45.280 heavenly

00:50:45.700 father that

00:50:46.440 loves me,

00:50:47.240 that knows

00:50:47.860 me,

00:50:48.580 that has

00:50:49.720 a plan

00:50:50.120 for me,

00:50:50.860 and is

00:50:51.540 going to

00:50:52.160 put difficult

00:50:52.880 things in

00:50:53.460 my path.

00:50:54.800 And that

00:50:55.680 those things,

00:50:57.040 even though

00:50:57.760 they may

00:50:58.080 suck now,

00:50:59.620 they're leading

00:51:00.460 towards a

00:51:01.600 good place

00:51:02.580 in our lives,

00:51:03.320 making us

00:51:03.780 stronger and

00:51:04.640 better and

00:51:05.460 more grateful

00:51:06.200 and everything

00:51:07.020 else.

00:51:07.460 And so the

00:51:08.220 faster I can

00:51:08.940 get to that

00:51:09.500 space of

00:51:10.920 thinking long

00:51:12.440 term and

00:51:13.180 big picture,

00:51:14.140 even though I

00:51:14.640 may not

00:51:15.020 see it now,

00:51:16.360 but being

00:51:17.540 in gratitude

00:51:18.120 and faith

00:51:18.840 for what

00:51:20.600 that faith

00:51:21.400 has given

00:51:22.520 me so far

00:51:23.580 is,

00:51:25.700 for me

00:51:26.380 anyways,

00:51:27.580 been the

00:51:28.560 best thing

00:51:29.500 that's helped

00:51:29.960 me.

00:51:32.560 So that

00:51:33.420 being said,

00:51:34.800 I'm assuming

00:51:36.000 you've dealt

00:51:36.900 with it longer

00:51:37.400 than I have,

00:51:38.080 so what

00:51:38.900 would you say?

00:51:39.780 Why do I

00:51:40.220 seem like a

00:51:40.740 high-strung

00:51:41.220 kind of guy?

00:51:41.980 Sean,

00:51:42.240 is that what

00:51:42.560 you're saying?

00:51:42.640 It's just that

00:51:43.280 personality type,

00:51:44.580 dude.

00:51:44.700 It's like we

00:51:45.120 said before,

00:51:45.940 it's not,

00:51:46.900 it's just,

00:51:47.340 by the way,

00:51:47.980 you and my

00:51:48.620 wife are the

00:51:49.200 exact same

00:51:50.040 personality type,

00:51:50.920 so I have a

00:51:51.740 lot of

00:51:52.160 experience in,

00:51:53.740 you know,

00:51:54.360 in how you

00:51:55.820 show up.

00:51:56.160 You're dealing

00:51:56.180 with me?

00:51:56.880 Yeah.

00:51:57.780 Yeah.

00:51:58.900 Yeah,

00:51:59.280 so I,

00:52:00.440 no,

00:52:01.500 I think what

00:52:01.940 you said is

00:52:02.420 spot on,

00:52:03.020 man.

00:52:03.340 I was talking

00:52:04.180 to my

00:52:04.740 daughters,

00:52:06.040 you know,

00:52:06.300 we can't on

00:52:07.400 a Saturday

00:52:08.040 night.

00:52:08.840 We had a

00:52:09.400 camp Saturday,

00:52:10.000 we couldn't

00:52:10.480 pull it off

00:52:10.980 Friday to

00:52:11.480 Saturday,

00:52:12.540 and so

00:52:13.000 knowing that,

00:52:13.840 I,

00:52:14.080 we couldn't

00:52:14.420 get down

00:52:14.840 off the

00:52:15.200 mountain in

00:52:16.260 time for

00:52:16.680 church,

00:52:17.860 and so

00:52:18.600 we kind

00:52:19.220 of had

00:52:19.440 church up,

00:52:20.220 up,

00:52:20.560 up on the

00:52:21.840 mountain,

00:52:22.780 and I

00:52:23.120 asked my

00:52:23.540 kids,

00:52:24.360 I said,

00:52:24.800 girls,

00:52:26.320 primarily talking

00:52:27.040 to them,

00:52:27.400 because my

00:52:27.660 son's only

00:52:28.160 five,

00:52:29.380 I said,

00:52:30.140 girls,

00:52:30.840 why,

00:52:31.460 why is,

00:52:32.080 why is the,

00:52:33.560 the message

00:52:34.280 of the

00:52:35.120 gospel so

00:52:37.320 valuable?

00:52:38.480 Like,

00:52:39.040 why is it

00:52:39.380 important?

00:52:40.980 And ultimately,

00:52:42.400 what we

00:52:42.900 concluded was,

00:52:44.320 because it's a

00:52:44.960 message of

00:52:45.560 hope.

00:52:47.660 That's it.

00:52:49.400 You know,

00:52:50.000 it doesn't matter

00:52:50.680 how hard life

00:52:52.160 gets,

00:52:53.020 there's hope.

00:52:55.080 There's hope for

00:52:55.940 something better.

00:52:57.340 There's hope or

00:52:58.300 understanding in

00:52:59.560 that the struggle

00:53:00.220 is a

00:53:01.400 process of

00:53:02.080 learning and

00:53:03.500 that I'm going

00:53:04.020 to be better

00:53:04.580 for it.

00:53:05.380 And in all

00:53:06.720 darkness and

00:53:08.340 all trouble and

00:53:09.480 anxiety and

00:53:10.220 everything goes to

00:53:11.280 shit,

00:53:11.860 the idea of

00:53:13.640 believing that

00:53:15.140 you have a

00:53:15.780 creator that

00:53:16.400 knows you,

00:53:17.660 that understands

00:53:18.660 you,

00:53:19.460 and if you're a

00:53:21.040 Christian,

00:53:21.740 that you have a

00:53:22.520 savior that has

00:53:23.400 experienced what

00:53:24.380 you have experienced

00:53:25.600 way more,

00:53:27.660 and that,

00:53:28.260 and in doing so,

00:53:29.360 you know you're

00:53:29.960 not alone in

00:53:31.000 your suffering is

00:53:32.640 a message of

00:53:33.380 hope.

00:53:34.040 And the idea of

00:53:35.460 repentance is a

00:53:36.460 message of what?

00:53:37.860 Hope.

00:53:38.920 That I can make

00:53:39.740 mistakes, that I can

00:53:40.500 be a horrible

00:53:41.000 father, I can be a

00:53:42.140 horrible person,

00:53:43.220 and choose to be

00:53:44.920 different.

00:53:46.820 And that how I

00:53:48.600 was yesterday, how

00:53:49.680 I was in the past

00:53:50.700 can be forgotten.

00:53:52.400 That is a message

00:53:53.480 of hope.

00:53:54.660 And that is,

00:53:55.840 you know,

00:53:56.680 spot on.

00:53:58.060 And so I agree

00:53:59.140 with you.

00:53:59.620 For me,

00:54:00.840 connecting from a

00:54:01.680 religious perspective,

00:54:02.580 it is what got me

00:54:04.340 through my divorce,

00:54:05.360 to be frank.

00:54:06.840 Also, the idea,

00:54:08.380 once you have

00:54:08.820 children,

00:54:10.020 the pressure's on.

00:54:11.840 I can't feel sorry

00:54:13.180 for myself.

00:54:14.640 Why?

00:54:15.700 Because I have

00:54:16.560 people depending on

00:54:17.420 me.

00:54:17.560 That's why.

00:54:20.420 Which causes a lot

00:54:21.700 of that anxiety,

00:54:22.580 by the way.

00:54:23.380 I know.

00:54:23.760 I have experienced

00:54:25.340 way more anxiety

00:54:26.700 in that than

00:54:28.580 any other thing

00:54:29.300 in my life.

00:54:30.040 But it also helps

00:54:31.320 you not give up.

00:54:32.760 Yeah.

00:54:34.060 And it

00:54:35.180 prevented me from

00:54:36.140 giving up, but I

00:54:36.780 agree, it has

00:54:37.620 increased hope,

00:54:38.720 or it has

00:54:39.360 increased probably

00:54:40.240 anxiety and

00:54:41.200 frustrations that

00:54:42.000 I've had.

00:54:42.800 So the only

00:54:43.700 other things I

00:54:44.300 would add is,

00:54:45.680 one, I think

00:54:46.760 we go to

00:54:48.360 something is

00:54:49.220 wrong way too

00:54:50.240 often.

00:54:51.680 And I think

00:54:52.480 that generates

00:54:53.000 even more anxiety.

00:54:54.360 So if I'm really

00:54:55.200 stressed out,

00:54:55.780 well, it shouldn't

00:54:56.200 be this way.

00:54:56.860 Says who?

00:55:00.240 Right?

00:55:00.600 Like, it's like

00:55:01.480 the guy that

00:55:02.000 goes to the

00:55:02.500 gym, right?

00:55:03.020 The guy's at

00:55:03.520 the gym and

00:55:03.920 he's like,

00:55:04.260 this sucks.

00:55:04.980 Why?

00:55:05.580 Well, because

00:55:06.040 my muscles are

00:55:06.920 sore and this

00:55:07.460 is hard.

00:55:08.740 Of course it

00:55:09.820 is.

00:55:10.780 That's why

00:55:11.640 your muscles

00:55:12.340 grow.

00:55:13.200 So we need

00:55:13.960 to stop also

00:55:14.660 demonizing when

00:55:16.240 things are hard.

00:55:17.960 Guess what?

00:55:19.420 It's life.

00:55:20.260 I remember one

00:55:20.880 of my older

00:55:21.240 brothers once,

00:55:21.920 it was early

00:55:22.760 in my marriage

00:55:23.380 and I had an

00:55:24.300 unhealthy

00:55:24.660 relationship with

00:55:25.720 how marriage

00:55:26.420 was supposed to

00:55:27.120 go, by the

00:55:27.860 way.

00:55:28.340 I never thought

00:55:29.160 like you should

00:55:29.680 argue or

00:55:30.360 fight.

00:55:30.940 And so the

00:55:31.340 first time I

00:55:31.920 got in a

00:55:32.220 fight, I

00:55:32.520 thought, oh

00:55:32.880 my gosh, I

00:55:33.360 married the

00:55:33.620 wrong person.

00:55:34.380 You know what

00:55:34.660 I mean?

00:55:35.380 And I

00:55:35.920 remember calling

00:55:36.520 up my brother

00:55:37.100 Dustin.

00:55:37.560 I said, oh

00:55:38.040 my gosh, like

00:55:38.760 we got this

00:55:39.280 fight.

00:55:39.600 She's mad and

00:55:40.260 blah, blah,

00:55:40.600 blah.

00:55:41.220 What did I do?

00:55:42.340 Right?

00:55:42.560 And he just

00:55:43.020 started laughing.

00:55:44.240 He's laughing.

00:55:45.480 I was like, why

00:55:46.140 is this so funny?

00:55:46.880 He's like, welcome

00:55:48.500 to marriage, Kit.

00:55:50.340 It's hard, but

00:55:52.000 it's worth it.

00:55:53.760 Stop making it

00:55:54.740 wrong that it's

00:55:55.680 hard.

00:55:56.980 And I think

00:55:57.700 that's part of

00:55:58.660 the anxiety.

00:55:59.380 Oh, it

00:55:59.580 shouldn't be

00:55:59.960 this way.

00:56:01.140 This is who?

00:56:02.680 It's hard, guys.

00:56:05.080 Hard conversations

00:56:05.920 happen.

00:56:06.740 Oh, I'm not

00:56:07.460 motivated.

00:56:08.100 Guess what?

00:56:08.540 Maybe you're not

00:56:09.180 supposed to be

00:56:10.020 motivated.

00:56:11.280 Maybe you're

00:56:11.860 supposed to figure

00:56:12.440 out how to do

00:56:13.020 this and not

00:56:14.160 want to do it.

00:56:15.660 Maybe that

00:56:16.300 conversation with

00:56:17.080 that guy that

00:56:17.520 talks too much

00:56:18.080 at the office is

00:56:19.060 supposed to be a

00:56:19.780 hard conversation

00:56:20.460 because that's

00:56:21.060 where growth is.

00:56:22.280 We need to

00:56:22.700 stop thinking

00:56:24.360 everything should

00:56:24.980 be comfortable

00:56:25.480 and easy.

00:56:27.420 And so

00:56:27.700 that's one

00:56:28.920 is stop

00:56:29.800 making it

00:56:30.180 wrong that

00:56:30.700 it's hard

00:56:31.180 and difficult

00:56:31.920 to do.

00:56:32.420 I spot on

00:56:33.860 with you

00:56:34.360 eternal

00:56:35.040 perspective

00:56:35.680 religion.

00:56:36.860 This is a

00:56:37.260 huge play.

00:56:38.300 And then the

00:56:38.780 third is,

00:56:39.700 and I shared

00:56:40.140 this on my

00:56:40.680 Instagram

00:56:41.020 last week,

00:56:42.380 I was full

00:56:43.760 disclosure,

00:56:44.320 dude, I was

00:56:44.700 feeling super

00:56:45.260 lonely.

00:56:45.600 like, I

00:56:46.620 don't know,

00:56:46.860 I was just

00:56:47.200 in a weird

00:56:47.820 state and I

00:56:48.640 was just

00:56:48.940 like, felt

00:56:50.760 very alone.

00:56:52.820 And, and I

00:56:53.700 was, I was

00:56:54.900 going, I, I

00:56:56.020 saw or I read

00:56:57.220 something, no, I

00:56:58.000 watched, I watched

00:56:58.880 something around

00:56:59.380 Jordan Peterson.

00:57:00.640 And he said,

00:57:01.680 you can predict

00:57:03.360 if someone is,

00:57:06.280 um, has

00:57:07.560 depression or

00:57:09.140 other like mental

00:57:10.260 disorder based

00:57:11.580 upon how often

00:57:12.540 they think and

00:57:13.600 write and talk

00:57:14.340 about themselves.

00:57:15.600 And I was

00:57:18.180 like, because

00:57:20.100 people that are

00:57:20.980 highly depressed,

00:57:21.860 what are they

00:57:22.220 thinking about

00:57:22.800 themselves all

00:57:24.480 the time?

00:57:26.660 And, and

00:57:27.440 here I was, I

00:57:28.360 had this week of

00:57:28.980 feeling highly

00:57:29.460 lonely.

00:57:29.640 There was.

00:57:30.900 Yeah.

00:57:31.440 Who was I

00:57:32.000 thinking about

00:57:32.480 all week when

00:57:33.380 I was feeling

00:57:33.820 high, super

00:57:34.560 hyper lonely

00:57:35.480 who my

00:57:37.300 kids, my

00:57:38.240 spouse, my

00:57:39.020 friends.

00:57:39.460 No, I was

00:57:40.600 thinking about

00:57:40.860 me the whole

00:57:41.420 time.

00:57:42.100 Oh, what was

00:57:42.840 me?

00:57:43.120 What was

00:57:43.400 me, man?

00:57:43.940 I'm feel so

00:57:44.660 alone.

00:57:45.900 Maybe just

00:57:46.820 maybe we

00:57:48.960 shouldn't be

00:57:49.360 worried about

00:57:49.840 ourselves too

00:57:50.380 much.

00:57:51.240 Just maybe the

00:57:53.120 focus should be

00:57:54.600 not my

00:57:55.840 anxieties or

00:57:57.200 my stuff, but

00:57:58.440 actually about a

00:57:59.260 little bit more

00:57:59.800 about other

00:58:00.200 people.

00:58:00.920 And maybe it's

00:58:02.000 an empathy.

00:58:02.820 That is another

00:58:04.220 way that we deal

00:58:05.100 with our anxiety

00:58:06.040 and our panic

00:58:06.840 attacks is

00:58:08.880 through the

00:58:09.320 empathy and

00:58:09.940 thinking of

00:58:10.360 other individuals

00:58:11.060 first.

00:58:11.480 you know,

00:58:14.320 when you

00:58:14.780 talk about

00:58:15.980 feeling alone,

00:58:16.860 I think that's

00:58:18.200 another mistake

00:58:19.220 people make is

00:58:20.660 we don't get

00:58:21.080 help, especially

00:58:21.920 men.

00:58:22.480 Men are the

00:58:22.840 worst.

00:58:23.060 Yeah.

00:58:27.120 We don't get

00:58:27.820 help because we

00:58:28.640 don't, because then

00:58:29.980 we're kind of

00:58:30.440 taught, like, just

00:58:31.480 suck it up, pull up

00:58:32.280 your bootstraps, you

00:58:33.340 know, take care of

00:58:34.440 it, be a man,

00:58:35.120 right?

00:58:35.480 And so when you

00:58:36.580 were talking, I,

00:58:37.800 my thought was,

00:58:38.660 you know, neither one

00:58:39.160 of us has mentioned

00:58:39.720 therapy or

00:58:40.500 counseling, but I

00:58:42.400 think when people

00:58:43.480 hear the words

00:58:43.900 therapy and

00:58:44.340 counseling, most

00:58:45.160 men automatically

00:58:45.980 go to, no, I'm

00:58:46.980 not messed up.

00:58:47.700 I'm not going to

00:58:48.320 do that.

00:58:48.900 I'm not broken.

00:58:49.600 Yeah.

00:58:49.880 Yeah.

00:58:50.160 So instead of

00:58:50.980 saying that, as

00:58:51.820 you were speaking,

00:58:52.920 what, what it

00:58:53.680 made me think was

00:58:54.820 we need a coach.

00:58:57.880 So call it

00:58:59.240 therapy, call it

00:58:59.860 counseling, whatever

00:59:00.420 you can.

00:59:01.000 Maybe men need

00:59:01.920 to start calling

00:59:04.180 therapy, mental

00:59:06.400 coaching.

00:59:07.040 Let's just get a

00:59:07.640 coach, get a

00:59:08.520 help.

00:59:09.100 And by the

00:59:09.420 way, you

00:59:10.140 could be

00:59:10.420 coached by

00:59:11.000 friends.

00:59:12.320 You could be

00:59:12.700 coached by, you

00:59:13.780 know, your

00:59:14.420 circle of

00:59:14.900 influence, by

00:59:15.740 people you

00:59:16.200 respect, by

00:59:17.080 people that

00:59:17.800 have what you

00:59:18.920 want and ask

00:59:21.020 them.

00:59:21.900 But I think in

00:59:22.880 that also, don't

00:59:24.120 just go to your

00:59:25.800 friends.

00:59:26.260 And just like if

00:59:27.320 you wanted to

00:59:28.300 learn baseball or

00:59:29.240 get better at

00:59:29.780 baseball from your

00:59:30.380 friends and you

00:59:30.940 have a shitty

00:59:31.340 swing, you're

00:59:32.360 not there.

00:59:33.180 You don't want

00:59:33.780 the friends that

00:59:34.340 are going to be

00:59:34.660 like, oh, no,

00:59:35.060 your swing's good.

00:59:35.840 Just keep

00:59:36.220 swinging a bunch

00:59:36.860 more and you'll

00:59:37.340 get better.

00:59:38.520 You want

00:59:38.840 them to

00:59:39.080 actually coach

00:59:40.640 you, you

00:59:41.660 know, so

00:59:42.060 don't just

00:59:42.940 talk to your

00:59:43.720 friends that you

00:59:44.300 can dump the

00:59:45.920 stuff on.

00:59:46.880 Find somebody

00:59:47.720 that can coach

00:59:49.380 you, that can

00:59:49.980 help you, that

00:59:50.860 can counsel

00:59:52.820 you.

00:59:54.420 And I mean,

00:59:55.760 sometimes I think

00:59:57.400 we just need

00:59:58.460 someone to talk

00:59:59.080 to so we don't

00:59:59.740 feel alone, right?

01:00:00.740 And seek that

01:00:01.900 out.

01:00:02.200 Yeah, I love

01:00:04.140 it, man.

01:00:04.720 Good call.

01:00:06.460 Yeah, like a

01:00:07.080 pivotal element

01:00:07.880 of this

01:00:08.560 conversation.

01:00:09.040 We kind of

01:00:09.900 overlook the

01:00:10.560 whole coaching

01:00:11.520 or the therapy

01:00:12.680 side.

01:00:13.220 And that's, to

01:00:13.940 be honest with

01:00:14.420 you, I use

01:00:14.820 this language a

01:00:15.520 lot.

01:00:15.820 Maybe it

01:00:16.300 rubs people

01:00:16.820 wrong, but I

01:00:18.080 like it for a

01:00:18.840 reason.

01:00:19.620 And that is

01:00:20.080 like most of

01:00:20.760 us are kind

01:00:21.260 of broken.

01:00:22.480 And I love

01:00:23.340 that.

01:00:23.920 Kinda.

01:00:25.020 Yeah.

01:00:25.480 I think more

01:00:26.240 than kind.

01:00:27.220 But, and

01:00:28.100 that's what I

01:00:28.740 like about it

01:00:29.460 because now we

01:00:30.120 normalize, hey,

01:00:31.160 guess what?

01:00:31.480 We're all a

01:00:32.000 little crazy.

01:00:32.820 We're all a

01:00:33.460 little broken in

01:00:34.360 a way and it's

01:00:35.040 okay.

01:00:35.800 And it's not

01:00:36.580 like, oh, people

01:00:37.600 have their crap

01:00:38.220 together.

01:00:38.600 Trust me, they

01:00:39.100 don't have their

01:00:39.500 crap together.

01:00:40.820 Most people

01:00:41.260 don't.

01:00:42.040 Most people are

01:00:42.520 not even aware

01:00:43.340 that they're

01:00:44.320 broken.

01:00:44.960 So the fact that

01:00:45.740 you're even on a

01:00:46.360 path of like,

01:00:46.980 hey, man, how

01:00:47.380 do I deal with

01:00:47.900 this is puts you

01:00:49.300 ahead of most

01:00:50.240 individuals.

01:00:51.280 Most individuals

01:00:51.800 are like, oh,

01:00:52.620 well, the way I

01:00:53.380 feel is because of

01:00:54.080 my spouse and

01:00:54.940 they're not even

01:00:55.600 taking ownership of

01:00:56.420 their feelings.

01:00:58.060 So at least

01:00:58.820 you're in that

01:00:59.320 space.

01:00:59.860 But most people

01:01:00.720 are kind of

01:01:01.580 screwed up.

01:01:02.820 And I like that

01:01:04.260 normalization of it

01:01:05.120 because then it's

01:01:05.820 not like something's

01:01:06.800 wrong with me.

01:01:07.660 It's like something's

01:01:08.560 wrong with all of

01:01:09.040 us.

01:01:10.040 Yeah.

01:01:10.620 Makes it a little

01:01:11.460 bit more common

01:01:12.060 conversation.

01:01:13.460 But say it in a

01:01:14.220 different tone.

01:01:15.460 Something's wrong

01:01:16.160 with me.

01:01:17.040 Like, just accept

01:01:18.280 that.

01:01:19.060 And, you know,

01:01:21.800 it's our job to

01:01:23.160 figure out how to

01:01:25.380 lessen the blows.

01:01:26.820 With our

01:01:28.240 shortcomings.

01:01:29.600 Yeah, I love

01:01:30.260 that.

01:01:30.740 All right.

01:01:31.060 Rhodes chill.

01:01:32.280 How can I as a

01:01:33.620 teenager love it,

01:01:35.140 by the way, and my

01:01:36.040 apologies for cursing

01:01:37.100 as much as I do.

01:01:37.860 You probably swear

01:01:38.440 more than me as a

01:01:39.640 teenager.

01:01:40.060 But regardless,

01:01:40.920 Rhodes chill.

01:01:41.580 How can I as a

01:01:42.500 teenager nurture

01:01:43.780 myself as a man

01:01:45.400 because I have no

01:01:47.020 one else to do

01:01:48.080 that for me?

01:01:50.440 Nurture myself as a

01:01:51.740 man.

01:01:52.020 It's, well, don't

01:01:54.900 nurture yourself too

01:01:55.740 much.

01:01:56.040 You'll go blind.

01:01:57.760 That's what grandma

01:01:58.820 always told me.

01:02:02.800 Sorry.

01:02:03.460 I just love that you

01:02:04.200 didn't represent

01:02:04.760 your nurturer.

01:02:06.840 Honey, what are you

01:02:07.720 doing?

01:02:08.100 I'm nurturing myself.

01:02:09.440 Oh, shit.

01:02:13.540 So here's, I can

01:02:15.880 say, growing up

01:02:17.360 without, now, I'll

01:02:19.180 preface this with I

01:02:20.100 love my dad.

01:02:20.920 He's a great dad.

01:02:22.580 But he just, as a

01:02:24.000 kid, wasn't around

01:02:24.720 much.

01:02:25.300 That was

01:02:25.920 circumstantial.

01:02:27.160 My mom got custody.

01:02:28.640 He got me every

01:02:29.420 other weekend, maybe.

01:02:31.720 You know, and great

01:02:32.860 guy, great example.

01:02:34.200 But he was a great

01:02:34.840 example in his second

01:02:36.320 marriage and how, you

01:02:38.040 know, with my

01:02:39.040 brothers, he had

01:02:40.100 three boys and the

01:02:41.440 way he fathered him

01:02:42.780 and them and was

01:02:44.660 around for them was

01:02:46.380 awesome.

01:02:46.940 But I never directly

01:02:47.820 had that.

01:02:49.340 And so what I had to

01:02:50.740 do was find the

01:02:52.200 those men in

01:02:53.520 whatever my circle

01:02:55.640 of influence was

01:02:56.900 that I wanted to

01:02:57.620 be more like and

01:02:58.700 put myself in a

01:02:59.580 position where I

01:03:00.280 could be around

01:03:00.900 them more often

01:03:01.940 to gain that

01:03:04.740 wisdom, that

01:03:05.900 help, that

01:03:06.400 knowledge, that

01:03:06.980 coaching we were

01:03:07.800 talking about.

01:03:09.800 And then in

01:03:11.540 pursuit of that,

01:03:14.360 in the meantime,

01:03:15.800 you need to

01:03:16.800 fill yourself with

01:03:18.400 better information.

01:03:20.040 So find books,

01:03:22.200 books on

01:03:22.940 masculinity, on

01:03:25.840 manhood, on, you

01:03:27.520 know, there's a ton

01:03:28.260 like Ryan's book is

01:03:30.200 a great place to

01:03:31.420 start, right?

01:03:32.080 Sovereignty, I

01:03:32.820 think, I mean, I

01:03:35.320 think I've given

01:03:35.920 out almost 150 of

01:03:38.100 Ryan's books in the

01:03:39.920 last four or five

01:03:41.280 years, right?

01:03:42.320 To men who ask

01:03:43.140 this exact question,

01:03:44.440 like, where can I

01:03:45.860 go to find, you

01:03:49.120 know, some, just a

01:03:50.940 path to run on for

01:03:52.840 showing up as a

01:03:54.300 man?

01:03:55.320 Like, hey, there's a

01:03:56.320 book called Sovereignty,

01:03:57.200 I'll send you one.

01:03:58.260 You know, what's your

01:03:58.960 address?

01:04:00.060 And do that.

01:04:01.680 So read better

01:04:02.380 books on those

01:04:04.780 subjects, which, and

01:04:07.840 then if you're not in

01:04:08.840 the IC, get in the IC.

01:04:10.000 You know, even as a

01:04:12.040 teenager, you know,

01:04:14.580 getting in and being

01:04:15.420 in these conversations

01:04:16.380 or the earlier in your

01:04:18.120 life, the better, you

01:04:19.940 know, and it's, it's,

01:04:22.480 I mean, just think

01:04:23.960 Kip, how many of the

01:04:24.800 younger guys in the IC

01:04:25.920 come in that you've

01:04:28.120 thought to yourself,

01:04:28.900 like, man, I wish I

01:04:30.920 was, had this sort of

01:04:32.440 circle of influence when

01:04:33.580 I was that age.

01:04:35.200 Yeah, totally.

01:04:36.080 Or even had the

01:04:36.900 mindset that they're

01:04:37.900 having, that this is

01:04:38.900 important, right?

01:04:40.440 Like, to the fact that

01:04:41.920 you're saying, dude, how

01:04:42.960 do I nurture myself as a

01:04:44.140 man when you're a

01:04:45.000 teenager?

01:04:45.780 John, you're ahead of

01:04:46.680 the curtain.

01:04:46.980 Sean and I both wish

01:04:47.980 that we were thinking

01:04:48.620 that way when we're

01:04:50.600 teenagers, right?

01:04:51.520 So it's, it's spot on,

01:04:54.220 man.

01:04:54.760 Spot on.

01:04:57.320 Yeah, you're, you're in

01:04:58.380 a good spot.

01:04:59.320 I agree.

01:05:00.220 I mean, look up good

01:05:01.600 resources.

01:05:02.780 There's plenty of books

01:05:03.940 and, and the flip side

01:05:05.580 of that is don't just

01:05:07.820 go along because what

01:05:11.020 you're going to get by

01:05:12.160 default is not going to

01:05:13.940 help you.

01:05:14.960 And you probably already

01:05:16.080 know that, but I just

01:05:17.140 want to make sure,

01:05:18.080 right?

01:05:18.320 Like you got to go out

01:05:19.540 of your way.

01:05:19.980 You have to be

01:05:20.480 intentional.

01:05:21.740 And if you want to

01:05:23.260 show up as a powerful

01:05:24.320 man, you got to figure

01:05:25.880 that out.

01:05:26.660 You can't go, well, I'm

01:05:28.260 just going to be, you

01:05:29.060 know, mediocre or I'm

01:05:30.680 just going to go along

01:05:31.460 to get along and I'll

01:05:32.200 get that through school

01:05:33.400 and my mom, your mom

01:05:35.520 will never teach you

01:05:36.540 how to be a man.

01:05:37.720 She never will.

01:05:39.040 And in fact, and I

01:05:40.380 know this sounds harsh

01:05:41.280 and maybe I'll get

01:05:42.000 some lack slack or

01:05:43.440 some criticism for

01:05:44.940 this, but she can't.

01:05:48.500 And if she attempts

01:05:49.660 to, she will do it

01:05:51.200 wrong and you'll have

01:05:52.300 an unhealthy

01:05:52.820 relationship with what

01:05:55.000 it means to be a man.

01:05:56.100 So you got to figure it

01:05:57.720 out.

01:05:58.200 And it's unfortunate,

01:05:59.300 right?

01:06:00.280 That, that you don't

01:06:01.180 have that man in your

01:06:02.440 life to be able to do

01:06:03.400 that for you, but

01:06:04.660 trust me, there are

01:06:06.120 men that are more

01:06:07.140 than willing to speak

01:06:07.960 into you to help

01:06:10.040 you because we're,

01:06:12.420 we're looking for that

01:06:13.460 opportunity as well.

01:06:14.540 And so, you know,

01:06:15.680 whether it's in the

01:06:16.240 iron council, these

01:06:18.100 men that have written

01:06:18.900 amazing books on this

01:06:20.320 subject, they read it,

01:06:21.540 wrote them for a

01:06:22.300 reason because this is

01:06:23.960 important to them.

01:06:25.060 And so seek that

01:06:26.280 knowledge out, seek

01:06:27.360 those individuals out

01:06:28.380 and surround yourself

01:06:29.140 with, with these kind

01:06:31.060 of men.

01:06:31.360 Cause I think it's

01:06:32.240 spot on.

01:06:32.800 And I love the fact

01:06:33.520 that you're thinking

01:06:34.100 about it, man, you're

01:06:35.060 on the right path.

01:06:35.920 It's awesome.

01:06:38.100 Yeah.

01:06:38.540 There's not many teens

01:06:40.940 out there in that

01:06:42.880 mind space for sure.

01:06:44.680 And I was about to say

01:06:46.140 right now that I don't

01:06:47.400 think ever this most

01:06:48.920 teenagers aren't

01:06:49.660 thinking about their

01:06:50.440 futures in that way.

01:06:52.140 And, uh, so kudos to

01:06:53.580 you for being ahead of

01:06:54.780 the curve.

01:06:55.700 Yep.

01:06:56.280 Absolutely.

01:06:57.340 All right.

01:06:57.740 Isis Dehazi, 99% we

01:07:02.200 are talking to

01:07:02.800 ourselves.

01:07:03.920 How do you talk to

01:07:05.740 yourself?

01:07:07.740 I am a weirdo this

01:07:10.140 way.

01:07:10.540 I'm constantly telling

01:07:11.940 myself I'm awesome

01:07:13.780 that I deserve this,

01:07:16.420 that I'm a hard

01:07:17.360 worker, that I kick

01:07:18.760 ass, that I mean,

01:07:20.980 and, and again,

01:07:22.000 that's, um, just years

01:07:24.920 and years of

01:07:25.660 affirmations, but I'm a

01:07:27.460 big fan of

01:07:28.180 affirmations and, and

01:07:29.640 talking things into

01:07:31.180 existence.

01:07:32.600 And you nailed it

01:07:33.800 earlier, Kip, when you

01:07:34.820 talked about self-love,

01:07:36.700 it's most men, uh,

01:07:39.980 degrade themselves.

01:07:42.280 And we allow, like, we

01:07:43.920 would never let people

01:07:45.360 talk to us the way that

01:07:46.620 we talk to ourselves.

01:07:47.680 And so, like, I do it

01:07:49.900 all the time.

01:07:50.500 I'll do something and

01:07:51.380 I'm like, dude, what a

01:07:52.900 dumb ass.

01:07:53.760 Like, you know, like,

01:07:56.000 I'm like, you are such

01:07:57.800 a, like, what's wrong

01:07:59.060 with you?

01:07:59.800 You know, that, and, and,

01:08:01.580 but then I'll catch

01:08:02.520 myself and be like,

01:08:04.300 that was stupid, but it

01:08:06.620 was also just a mistake.

01:08:08.080 You know, you know, you're

01:08:10.240 awesome.

01:08:10.760 You know, your values, you

01:08:12.920 know, what you stand for,

01:08:14.240 you know, that was a

01:08:15.100 mistake and you also know

01:08:16.180 how to fix it.

01:08:17.040 So let's do that.

01:08:18.420 Right.

01:08:18.740 Let's spend more time and

01:08:21.140 what I can do about it and

01:08:22.580 less time about, you know,

01:08:24.300 I, I screwed up.

01:08:26.000 And so my self-talk for

01:08:28.420 the most part is, is

01:08:30.320 super positive.

01:08:31.320 And by the way, I do

01:08:32.080 the same if I'm getting

01:08:35.060 criticized by somebody

01:08:36.180 else, you know, or

01:08:38.100 they're saying something

01:08:39.500 critical or I, something

01:08:41.740 critical comes up or I

01:08:42.960 read something and all

01:08:43.960 that stuff, my default

01:08:45.700 has become, well,

01:08:47.840 they're wrong.

01:08:48.840 You know, not that I'm

01:08:50.260 not going to take it.

01:08:51.300 Um, to, to see if they

01:08:55.240 might be right.

01:08:57.000 But, you know, if, if

01:08:58.440 for instance, if somebody

01:09:00.300 ever said I was lazy,

01:09:02.480 well, I could, I know

01:09:07.320 that's not true.

01:09:07.880 You wouldn't even

01:09:08.320 consider it.

01:09:09.040 Yeah.

01:09:09.320 You'd be like, whatever.

01:09:11.180 I know that's not true.

01:09:12.740 Now, do I also like to

01:09:14.220 like have fun and mess

01:09:16.320 around and whatever?

01:09:18.560 Yeah, absolutely.

01:09:19.840 But I know how to do

01:09:20.840 both.

01:09:22.120 And so it's, again, it's

01:09:24.720 one of those things that

01:09:25.840 it's not all or nothing

01:09:27.460 when it comes to, uh, who

01:09:30.340 we are and how we show

01:09:31.440 up, but you're not going

01:09:34.540 to improve and your

01:09:36.720 self talk isn't going to

01:09:40.380 improve until you start

01:09:43.380 with, it's, it's kind of

01:09:44.700 what we mentioned early

01:09:45.700 on, knowing what you

01:09:46.780 want.

01:09:47.900 If you want to attract

01:09:49.880 the right woman into your

01:09:51.200 lives, well, if you want

01:09:51.920 to attract the right

01:09:52.700 self talk, you have to

01:09:54.740 start figuring out what

01:09:56.900 your values are, who you

01:09:59.180 want to be, how you want

01:10:01.700 to show up and then how

01:10:03.380 you expect to show up.

01:10:04.980 And then you got to write it

01:10:06.480 down and you need to speak it

01:10:09.580 every day.

01:10:12.340 And that will naturally, the

01:10:15.080 more you speak it, um, you're

01:10:18.240 going to have to show up like

01:10:20.020 that because if you don't

01:10:20.960 believe it, you're not going to

01:10:22.460 be willing to speak it every

01:10:23.600 day, you know, or if you don't

01:10:25.180 believe that you can do it or

01:10:27.280 that you can change or that you

01:10:28.640 can improve in those things.

01:10:31.180 And so, you know, know what

01:10:34.040 it is that you want for

01:10:35.620 yourself, how you want to show

01:10:37.300 up, write it down and start

01:10:39.420 speaking it into happening.

01:10:41.640 And the more you speak it, the

01:10:42.960 more it's going to be at the

01:10:43.820 forefront of your mind.

01:10:44.720 So that consciously and

01:10:45.900 subconsciously you will move

01:10:48.280 towards the actions necessary

01:10:51.260 to actually be and show up as

01:10:54.960 the man that you want.

01:10:57.160 I like it, Sean, a thought

01:11:01.000 that crossed my mind where

01:11:02.120 while listening to you, regret

01:11:06.440 never comes not from failing.

01:11:11.920 Most regret comes from not

01:11:15.280 given a full effort.

01:11:20.100 Regret comes from when we give

01:11:21.720 up.

01:11:23.420 It's amazing that you could do

01:11:26.780 something, but if you give it

01:11:27.880 your all, you won't have

01:11:28.860 regret around it because, you

01:11:31.720 know, like there's nothing I

01:11:33.820 left on the table.

01:11:37.660 And now you can be with

01:11:39.380 yourself a lot better.

01:11:40.900 You can deal with yourself a

01:11:42.660 lot better when you're in a

01:11:44.640 space of integrity.

01:11:45.600 And that's really what we're

01:11:46.620 talking about here as well.

01:11:49.600 90% of the talking, if it's

01:11:52.320 negative about yourself, you

01:11:53.760 also kind of have to ask

01:11:55.120 yourself, are you out of

01:11:57.660 integrity?

01:12:01.080 And if you are, well, and

01:12:04.140 this is kind of a twofold

01:12:05.380 thing, right?

01:12:05.920 Like we don't want to beat

01:12:07.000 ourselves up verbally, right?

01:12:08.880 Or mentally.

01:12:09.840 And, and, and that's not

01:12:12.260 going to help you show up

01:12:13.220 more powerfully, but also if

01:12:14.840 you're not showing up very

01:12:16.020 powerfully, oh, but I'll, I'll

01:12:17.800 just go positive affirmation

01:12:19.320 up the wazoo, but you know

01:12:21.080 what?

01:12:21.300 I'll do a half day's work.

01:12:22.840 I won't do this.

01:12:23.980 I'll compromise here.

01:12:25.240 I'll lack discipline.

01:12:26.440 I'll make promises to myself

01:12:28.120 and not keep them.

01:12:29.120 And you don't show up

01:12:30.200 powerfully.

01:12:30.800 You don't, you don't think

01:12:32.200 you're going to be calling

01:12:32.900 BS on your self-affirmation

01:12:34.540 talks.

01:12:35.460 Of course you are.

01:12:36.680 Cause they're a lie.

01:12:39.120 Right?

01:12:39.580 So, so it's both, right?

01:12:42.140 We got to show up powerfully.

01:12:44.820 You, you, and we all know,

01:12:46.480 you don't even need to ask us

01:12:47.680 that question.

01:12:48.320 Well, what is showing up

01:12:49.260 powerfully, listen to your

01:12:50.900 stomach, listen to your heart.

01:12:52.780 Are you doing what you know

01:12:54.200 you should be doing in the way

01:12:55.560 it should be done?

01:12:57.500 And it's amazing.

01:12:58.740 Pick one day, choose one day

01:13:00.680 to show up powerfully.

01:13:01.700 And you can't tell me at the

01:13:03.120 end of the day, you don't feel

01:13:04.320 great about how that day went.

01:13:06.400 In most cases, you'd be like,

01:13:08.240 I gave it my all.

01:13:10.420 Was it success or failure?

01:13:11.940 It almost doesn't matter.

01:13:13.860 What matters is I gave it a

01:13:15.740 good run.

01:13:16.160 I did my best right now.

01:13:19.240 It helps to also be having

01:13:21.060 good self-talk at the same

01:13:22.940 time.

01:13:23.300 So I just, I don't want to say

01:13:24.680 it's, it's, it's a false.

01:13:26.300 It's there's a, there's not a

01:13:27.840 dichotomy here.

01:13:29.240 It's a false dichotomy.

01:13:30.760 You need to do both.

01:13:32.400 It's not one or the other.

01:13:33.800 And so make sure you're

01:13:35.080 showing it powerfully.

01:13:35.820 And if you're not, well then

01:13:36.840 start that certainly helps

01:13:39.020 the self-talk conversation.

01:13:41.120 Right.

01:13:41.600 When you do what you know

01:13:42.460 you should be doing.

01:13:43.080 I wrote this down, Kip,

01:13:45.000 as you were saying it,

01:13:45.840 that justification kills

01:13:48.200 our joy.

01:13:49.620 Right.

01:13:50.060 That, that, and I think

01:13:51.200 that gets us more than any

01:13:53.180 other thing is the

01:13:54.120 justification of, and I had

01:13:55.900 this thought as you were

01:13:56.580 saying it, as you know, I'm

01:13:57.740 sitting here in this hotel

01:13:58.960 room in Las Vegas on this

01:14:00.540 little couch.

01:14:01.160 Right.

01:14:01.600 And as you said it, I just

01:14:03.700 thought of this week, you

01:14:05.000 know, I mentioned there's

01:14:05.700 been a lot of really

01:14:06.540 difficult things.

01:14:07.420 I haven't been sleeping.

01:14:08.300 I've had anxiety and, you

01:14:09.440 know, and I'm like not

01:14:10.540 getting rest.

01:14:11.200 I'm feeling crappy

01:14:12.740 physically because of it

01:14:14.120 bags under my eyes, all

01:14:15.300 this stuff.

01:14:16.100 And as you were talking

01:14:17.460 and you were talking about

01:14:19.500 those justifications, it

01:14:22.140 just instantly, I went, I

01:14:23.820 connected to this week for

01:14:25.180 me.

01:14:25.380 And this week I had that

01:14:27.380 happen to me a bunch of

01:14:28.480 times or last week, because

01:14:30.560 it's, we're recording on a

01:14:31.780 Monday now.

01:14:32.360 So last week, I'm not

01:14:35.020 sleeping.

01:14:35.500 Haven't been, I've had like

01:14:37.420 been sick physically because

01:14:39.520 of it and, um, and jujitsu

01:14:45.360 comes up.

01:14:45.800 I go to jujitsu in the

01:14:46.620 morning, 630 or seven in

01:14:48.100 the morning, you know,

01:14:48.960 depending on the day, three

01:14:50.260 or four times a week, right

01:14:51.320 currently.

01:14:52.460 And so I haven't slept in

01:14:54.360 like weeks.

01:14:56.040 And so I, I'm up in, in

01:14:58.680 the morning, my alarm set

01:15:00.000 automatically to go to

01:15:01.080 jujitsu and I, and my brain

01:15:03.120 tells me you need more

01:15:04.100 sleep, dude.

01:15:06.260 Like just go back to this.

01:15:07.800 Don't go, don't go.

01:15:08.940 Right.

01:15:10.060 It's fine.

01:15:11.340 You need it.

01:15:12.160 But I also know without

01:15:14.360 that physical wake up of my

01:15:17.000 body and going in and

01:15:18.720 getting my ass kicked a

01:15:19.700 little bit, like my body

01:15:21.880 needs that as tired as I

01:15:23.140 am, it's going to make me

01:15:25.320 stronger.

01:15:26.240 I need all of it.

01:15:28.440 I need the dopamine.

01:15:29.300 I need that.

01:15:29.700 Like, I just need all of the

01:15:31.980 physical things that are

01:15:33.200 going to help me mentally

01:15:34.340 and less sleep isn't going

01:15:38.600 to help me.

01:15:38.940 Like I know that about

01:15:39.840 myself.

01:15:41.100 So as much as I didn't want

01:15:42.760 to do it, I go in and I

01:15:43.760 feel better that day because

01:15:45.460 I didn't cave into the

01:15:47.440 justification.

01:15:48.740 And then the next day, the

01:15:50.960 exact same thing happened.

01:15:51.940 I did again.

01:15:52.460 And then I ended up going

01:15:53.220 three days in a row.

01:15:53.880 And I'll tell you what,

01:15:54.780 because of those three days

01:15:57.140 of not accepting that

01:15:58.380 justification and feeling

01:16:00.020 like a million bucks when

01:16:01.480 I was done because I

01:16:02.860 showed up the way that I

01:16:04.480 tell myself I do gave me

01:16:07.800 more energy.

01:16:08.840 Like I'm sitting here in

01:16:10.020 this stupid little couch

01:16:11.580 seat in a hotel room

01:16:12.720 feeling stronger right now

01:16:14.840 because of not caving to

01:16:18.000 that justification last

01:16:19.160 week compared to if I

01:16:21.620 would have, you know, at

01:16:22.780 the same time, I can

01:16:23.760 remember weeks where I did

01:16:25.240 cave and I justified and I

01:16:27.840 got the extra sleep.

01:16:29.220 And by the way, I'm

01:16:30.020 I felt way worse with the

01:16:31.860 extra sleep than I did.

01:16:35.460 I caved in.

01:16:37.440 Right.

01:16:38.360 And so don't allow

01:16:41.420 yourself to kill that

01:16:43.200 strength, that joy, you

01:16:44.740 know, all the positive

01:16:45.580 things that it brings you

01:16:46.480 by justifying.

01:16:49.100 And those are those small

01:16:50.320 battles, right, that we

01:16:51.320 talk about.

01:16:52.020 They're everywhere.

01:16:53.300 They're every day long.

01:16:55.340 What are you going to eat

01:16:56.080 that Snickers?

01:16:57.020 You're going to do that

01:16:57.600 ice cream.

01:16:58.200 Are you going to hit the

01:16:58.980 gym?

01:16:59.400 Right.

01:16:59.660 Like, are you going to

01:17:00.640 have that hard conversation

01:17:01.840 that you've been avoiding

01:17:02.900 or you're just going to

01:17:03.700 wait and hope that

01:17:04.500 someone else is dealing

01:17:05.260 with it?

01:17:05.580 Like, these are all those

01:17:07.060 areas and these battles

01:17:08.700 that make the difference

01:17:10.520 of having a fulfilled

01:17:13.220 life and not not easy,

01:17:15.340 a fulfilled life.

01:17:16.640 Right.

01:17:17.420 Yeah.

01:17:17.740 If we're talking on, if we're

01:17:19.620 talking self-talk, I think

01:17:21.940 one of the things that I put

01:17:24.800 into play a long time ago

01:17:26.080 and how I, is that I do

01:17:29.740 hard things first and I'm

01:17:32.720 used to do hard things.

01:17:34.100 That's one of my

01:17:34.880 affirmations that I put in

01:17:36.460 place a long time ago.

01:17:37.340 And what it did is it didn't

01:17:38.520 allow me anything.

01:17:39.520 What it does is when

01:17:40.780 uncomfortable situations

01:17:42.120 arise in my life, my default

01:17:44.260 is discomfort equals

01:17:48.620 winning to me in my life.

01:17:50.680 Right.

01:17:51.340 Discomfort equals joy.

01:17:53.280 And so if you could attach

01:17:54.740 it that way, if we're

01:17:56.200 talking self-talk, that's

01:17:57.880 important also.

01:17:59.560 Yeah.

01:17:59.840 And we need to, and back

01:18:00.980 to what I seen earlier, the

01:18:02.200 more we normalize that, the

01:18:03.560 better, because otherwise

01:18:04.680 you have this, you have

01:18:06.320 this false expectation of

01:18:08.140 the way it should be.

01:18:09.080 And you're going to be

01:18:09.880 running around seeing

01:18:10.720 you've been robbed.

01:18:11.900 And it's like, guess what?

01:18:13.800 You're not getting robbed.

01:18:15.200 This is, this is, this is

01:18:16.460 the path.

01:18:17.460 So we need to normalize

01:18:19.680 the challenges in life that

01:18:22.480 they're, they're part of

01:18:23.300 growth.

01:18:24.540 And they're, that's not

01:18:25.780 something that, that is

01:18:27.160 quote unquote wrong, you

01:18:29.040 know?

01:18:29.780 All right.

01:18:30.140 Last question.

01:18:30.980 So 406 moto with today's

01:18:33.340 labor market, is it worth

01:18:35.920 trying to scale an

01:18:37.240 automotive service type

01:18:38.780 business?

01:18:39.460 In any economic market, it's

01:18:46.500 worth trying to scale any

01:18:47.800 business.

01:18:49.280 You know, so that, that

01:18:50.880 was a, sorry to pick on

01:18:52.740 you, but I think it's a

01:18:53.600 poor way to word the

01:18:55.420 question.

01:18:56.340 It's always worth it.

01:18:58.120 Always worth it.

01:18:59.340 Always worth it.

01:19:00.860 Now.

01:19:01.440 The question is now is

01:19:02.060 how?

01:19:02.840 Yeah.

01:19:03.040 Yeah, exactly.

01:19:04.160 How, how to minimize our

01:19:07.140 learning lessons along the

01:19:08.640 way, I think is what you're

01:19:09.660 asking, right?

01:19:10.340 Or is timing always going to

01:19:12.280 be right?

01:19:12.820 You always spoke to it.

01:19:14.140 You already spoke to it

01:19:15.300 earlier, Kip.

01:19:16.000 I mean, even in planning

01:19:17.020 vacations, like the timing's

01:19:18.580 never right.

01:19:19.840 Right.

01:19:20.060 So if you're talking about

01:19:20.940 scaling the business, there

01:19:22.560 is no perfect timing.

01:19:23.680 Now, is there some luck

01:19:24.880 involved with economy and

01:19:26.400 timing and all of that?

01:19:27.820 Like things you can't

01:19:28.880 control, by the way,

01:19:30.480 you're always going to have

01:19:32.060 that no matter what.

01:19:34.020 And so the answer is

01:19:34.840 absolutely.

01:19:35.480 It's worth scaling.

01:19:37.940 Actually, I take that back

01:19:39.860 because it's not an

01:19:40.720 absolute.

01:19:41.860 It's never absolutely

01:19:43.160 always.

01:19:43.540 Cause I think of growing

01:19:44.880 up as a, my, my dad and

01:19:47.040 my stepdad were

01:19:47.660 contractors and to scale in

01:19:50.660 those businesses, you take

01:19:51.820 on more liability, more

01:19:53.140 workers comp, more

01:19:54.480 outgoing, you know, money

01:19:57.000 and salaries.

01:19:58.560 You have to, your inflow of

01:20:01.140 new jobs have, yeah, the

01:20:02.520 stakes go up, the stress

01:20:03.880 that everything.

01:20:05.020 And so if that's not what

01:20:06.440 you want, remember talking

01:20:07.740 about what we want in our

01:20:08.740 lives, if that's not what

01:20:09.940 you want, right, then no,

01:20:11.760 it's not worth it.

01:20:12.880 Then don't scale.

01:20:14.480 But if that's what you want,

01:20:16.220 then yeah, it's worth it.

01:20:18.280 Okay.

01:20:18.580 And now it's up to you to

01:20:20.120 figure out how do I

01:20:22.000 minimize the other factors,

01:20:24.840 which if no matter what your

01:20:27.220 business, there's always

01:20:29.660 somebody that needs what

01:20:31.060 you do.

01:20:32.740 So you have to find how

01:20:35.300 to get to those people

01:20:38.020 the most effectively.

01:20:40.360 And, you know, and so

01:20:41.640 it's, that's going to be

01:20:45.140 up to you.

01:20:45.640 I can't give you that

01:20:46.480 answer, but I think

01:20:48.860 stop kind of meandering

01:20:53.480 around in, is it worth it

01:20:55.280 or not?

01:20:55.600 Cause that keeps you, if

01:20:57.980 you're stuck there, five

01:20:59.860 years is going to go by

01:21:00.820 and you're going to do

01:21:02.180 what Kip talked about.

01:21:03.680 You know, most of our

01:21:04.860 regrets aren't from trying

01:21:06.100 things.

01:21:06.480 It's from never trying and

01:21:08.500 wondering what would have

01:21:09.420 been.

01:21:10.340 And so it's know that it's

01:21:13.380 worth it if that's what

01:21:14.440 you want and then figure

01:21:16.580 out what it is.

01:21:17.500 Now, if you're in an

01:21:18.200 automotive service industry,

01:21:19.900 find the most successful

01:21:21.160 guys in that industry and

01:21:23.180 see if they'll give you

01:21:24.520 advice, give you tips.

01:21:25.820 Now, if it's the guy down

01:21:26.920 the street that you're

01:21:27.580 competing against, you

01:21:28.500 might not want to go talk

01:21:29.340 to that guy, but it's

01:21:31.920 certainly find some guys

01:21:33.020 somewhere else in the

01:21:33.800 country in a similar

01:21:34.680 business that can help

01:21:36.960 give you some tips.

01:21:38.960 Totally.

01:21:39.520 Well, and, and maybe, and,

01:21:40.980 and we talk about this

01:21:41.840 sometimes, but like it's,

01:21:44.460 we get false summits, right?

01:21:46.760 So, so you're going to try

01:21:48.540 to make this decision on

01:21:49.900 whether you should scale

01:21:51.240 based upon your current

01:21:52.660 knowledge.

01:21:53.320 Well, guess what?

01:21:54.020 You may not have all the

01:21:55.140 knowledge to make that

01:21:55.800 decision.

01:21:57.020 And I think it's important

01:21:58.040 that you realize that.

01:21:59.280 And as you start taking

01:22:00.760 action, all of a sudden

01:22:02.200 more knowledge shows up to

01:22:04.560 help you make you make

01:22:05.820 that decision.

01:22:06.300 But what's required to get

01:22:07.680 more knowledge action.

01:22:09.580 You got to act on it.

01:22:11.140 And so you may not know the

01:22:12.660 right approach and you may

01:22:14.160 not figure it out until you

01:22:15.640 start working through it and

01:22:17.020 addressing it.

01:22:17.720 Right.

01:22:18.120 And, and your questions kind

01:22:19.800 of geared around labor

01:22:20.920 market.

01:22:21.560 Well, how can you be

01:22:23.540 disruptive with the labor

01:22:24.560 market?

01:22:26.180 Right.

01:22:26.660 How, how do you build, I

01:22:30.100 don't know, an intern

01:22:31.160 strategy of new automotive

01:22:34.200 service techs in a way that

01:22:36.980 you're grabbing fresh guys

01:22:38.700 right out of training.

01:22:40.220 And now you're not dealing

01:22:41.460 with the labor market.

01:22:42.400 You're growing your labor

01:22:43.840 market.

01:22:44.260 You're building your labor

01:22:45.640 market, right?

01:22:46.200 Like, and I don't know the

01:22:48.560 answer.

01:22:48.820 I'm not going to pretend to

01:22:49.800 understand your industry and

01:22:51.160 I'm an expert in it, but

01:22:52.220 trust me, be a disruptor in

01:22:54.520 it.

01:22:55.420 That way you're not competing

01:22:56.680 with the labor market

01:22:57.540 anymore.

01:22:58.280 You found another way or

01:23:00.000 you're doing it better or

01:23:01.200 you're doing it another way

01:23:02.140 that, that other, uh,

01:23:03.360 automotive service

01:23:04.080 companies aren't doing.

01:23:05.140 So you're not in the same boat

01:23:07.080 as them.

01:23:07.700 I don't know, but man, you

01:23:09.740 gotta, you, if you take it

01:23:11.340 on, you're going to get a

01:23:12.920 false summit.

01:23:13.380 You're going to go, oh, it's

01:23:14.300 this way.

01:23:14.720 And then you're going to

01:23:15.280 learn.

01:23:15.540 You're like, nope, not that.

01:23:16.620 Oh, but this other idea

01:23:18.920 opened up and man, I can't

01:23:21.100 count how many times I've heard

01:23:22.380 that story, right?

01:23:23.640 Where a company is going one

01:23:25.280 direction and by going the

01:23:27.120 wrong direction, they identified

01:23:29.080 the right direction to go.

01:23:30.560 And they would have never saw

01:23:31.620 the right direction unless they

01:23:32.780 made the wrong direction.

01:23:33.580 So take action.

01:23:35.180 If you're committed to it and

01:23:36.640 you're willing to pay the

01:23:37.880 price, right.

01:23:39.160 To grow and scale your

01:23:40.220 business, just act, start

01:23:42.500 acting.

01:23:43.660 But they also have to have the

01:23:44.900 willingness to pivot quickly,

01:23:46.120 you know, when it, when it

01:23:47.560 comes up and that's, and

01:23:49.480 that's mostly mindset stuff.

01:23:51.020 I do think of one tangible

01:23:54.020 thing as you were speaking

01:23:55.640 along with that is, okay, you

01:23:57.920 mentioned automotive services.

01:23:59.640 So maybe scaling in that

01:24:01.840 industry means that you also

01:24:03.780 need to lease a bunch of

01:24:07.360 bays, you know, or find a

01:24:09.120 property to acquire or, right?

01:24:11.400 Like you have to have a place

01:24:12.780 to work on these vehicles if

01:24:14.900 you're servicing these things.

01:24:16.180 And so do you have the

01:24:18.880 financial resources to be able

01:24:20.280 to do that?

01:24:20.900 Are you going to have to get a

01:24:21.980 loan?

01:24:22.560 Are you going to like

01:24:23.560 financially, are you in a

01:24:24.920 position?

01:24:25.860 Do you have, you know, six

01:24:27.780 months to a year of emergency

01:24:29.420 fund to be able to pay bills?

01:24:32.040 If things go south, I mean,

01:24:34.740 and so tangibly and from a

01:24:37.320 financial standpoint, I think

01:24:38.600 it's important to do those

01:24:39.960 numbers also because regardless

01:24:42.760 of the economy, just

01:24:44.720 fundamentally, you need to be in

01:24:46.420 a position to be able to

01:24:47.540 scale, right?

01:24:48.920 Where too many entrepreneurs,

01:24:50.200 it's kind of an all thing

01:24:52.760 thing, you know, and then

01:24:54.220 before they know it, they find

01:24:55.160 themselves in bankruptcy and

01:24:56.240 whatever else, just because

01:24:57.280 fundamentally, they didn't go

01:24:59.700 into it, you know, just

01:25:03.820 just executing the right

01:25:05.820 fundamentals and, and staying

01:25:09.080 with the red on your books.

01:25:12.260 Totally.

01:25:16.860 No, I love that.

01:25:18.020 You know, it's, here's a good

01:25:19.320 example of it.

01:25:20.100 We can wrap up after this

01:25:21.740 and I'll have you have some

01:25:23.400 closing remarks.

01:25:24.160 But, you know, I was thinking

01:25:26.300 about even my truck, right?

01:25:28.120 So, um, I would love to have

01:25:33.300 an advocate around my truck.

01:25:36.360 I know that sounds kind of

01:25:37.240 weird.

01:25:37.700 Like, I don't know how often

01:25:39.660 those shocks need to be

01:25:40.920 replaced.

01:25:41.900 I would love to have someone

01:25:43.480 that was like, coach me and

01:25:44.720 say, Hey, you know what you

01:25:45.540 should really do to your truck

01:25:46.660 or, Oh, you know what you

01:25:47.620 should do here.

01:25:48.360 And, and, and they're like an

01:25:50.760 advocate, you know how great

01:25:52.000 it would be to have someone

01:25:53.700 that is very customer friendly

01:25:55.260 that gets me and says, Hey

01:25:57.460 Kip, I'm going to charge you

01:25:58.260 an overhead of this much a

01:25:59.500 month.

01:26:00.060 And they're, and they're just

01:26:01.260 telling me where to take my

01:26:02.120 truck.

01:26:03.060 Okay.

01:26:03.420 Hey, I got an appointment for

01:26:04.520 you to take your truck into

01:26:05.320 this place.

01:26:06.800 They work a discount.

01:26:08.080 They get some costs over the

01:26:09.340 top.

01:26:09.640 And they're almost like the

01:26:10.960 Amazon of the service of my

01:26:12.900 truck.

01:26:13.560 They're the middle man that

01:26:15.120 addresses all the things I

01:26:16.160 need to get done.

01:26:16.940 So I don't have to go figure

01:26:18.360 out all these different service

01:26:19.540 places where to get tires,

01:26:21.460 even where I should do my

01:26:22.720 oil change, where I should

01:26:24.760 get my shocks tuned or

01:26:25.980 whatever else.

01:26:26.620 And they just, they love my

01:26:28.360 truck as much as I love it.

01:26:29.680 And they want to make sure

01:26:30.660 it's getting taken care of

01:26:31.560 for me.

01:26:32.700 Let's like a family physician

01:26:33.940 that associates me to all

01:26:35.800 these other places, right?

01:26:36.840 Like the, the possibilities

01:26:38.880 of outsourcing certain areas

01:26:41.520 in the service area that you

01:26:42.880 don't want to do, but you're

01:26:43.880 an advocate in a different

01:26:44.760 way and you sub out certain

01:26:46.660 areas until you can scale, man,

01:26:49.540 the ideas and possibilities

01:26:51.140 start getting crazy.

01:26:52.800 That's so good.

01:26:54.900 Yeah.

01:26:55.560 Yeah.

01:26:55.860 In, in my business, what I

01:26:57.540 call that proactive follow-up

01:26:59.640 from my guys and what it is,

01:27:01.560 is keeping your business at

01:27:04.360 the forefront of people's

01:27:05.940 minds, regardless of what

01:27:07.860 they're thinking about.

01:27:08.560 So that when they do need

01:27:09.900 what you have, you're going

01:27:11.160 to be the guy they think of.

01:27:12.320 Yeah.

01:27:12.680 That's money right there.

01:27:14.340 Good stuff.

01:27:15.040 Totally.

01:27:15.380 And you don't have to do all

01:27:16.260 this stuff.

01:27:17.220 Yeah.

01:27:17.660 You could easily be like, Oh,

01:27:18.980 Hey, your tires are, you

01:27:20.660 know, you should probably be

01:27:21.920 up on tires.

01:27:23.020 Oh, Hey, yeah.

01:27:23.920 Go to Bob over here.

01:27:26.100 This is what it'll cost.

01:27:27.060 You got to get a good rate

01:27:27.820 over there because you know

01:27:28.920 all the connections or

01:27:29.800 whatever.

01:27:30.380 You know what I mean?

01:27:31.100 I don't know.

01:27:32.040 Yeah.

01:27:32.300 You can tell I, I'm, I need to

01:27:34.320 get my shocks.

01:27:36.920 I have no idea where to go.

01:27:41.160 Cause I think they're getting

01:27:42.140 loose.

01:27:42.520 Like, don't they need to be

01:27:43.420 serviced?

01:27:44.860 Unlifted trucks.

01:27:45.800 I think they do.

01:27:46.620 Um, probably.

01:27:48.600 Yes.

01:27:49.020 I don't know.

01:27:49.620 My turnover is too quick.

01:27:52.500 Yeah.

01:27:52.860 See, yeah.

01:27:54.320 You just buy a new truck

01:27:55.360 every time.

01:27:58.500 I love it, man.

01:27:59.760 Well, Hey, Sean, thanks man

01:28:02.280 for stepping in, um, and, and

01:28:04.640 hopping on with me here.

01:28:06.320 Yeah.

01:28:06.680 By the way, congrats on your

01:28:08.020 hunt.

01:28:09.080 Dude.

01:28:09.960 Successful.

01:28:10.380 I was like, yeah, I was

01:28:11.280 going to, I was going to

01:28:12.240 mention it because you did

01:28:13.380 that same hunt in Molokai with

01:28:14.820 Ryan in the past, right?

01:28:17.040 Yeah.

01:28:17.240 So, um, dude, yeah.

01:28:19.440 First archery hunt.

01:28:21.820 Um, I literally got that

01:28:23.640 bow a week before I went on

01:28:26.320 that hunt.

01:28:27.000 So I was thinking, I'm

01:28:28.000 like, I don't even think

01:28:29.080 Kip like shoots at all.

01:28:31.440 I was tripping up that you

01:28:32.840 even want.

01:28:33.680 That's amazing.

01:28:34.440 You have no idea how

01:28:35.460 amazing, like, don't take

01:28:37.220 that for granted that you

01:28:38.460 went out and you got

01:28:39.600 yourself an access to your

01:28:40.780 know, like there's guys

01:28:42.700 right now, probably like

01:28:44.220 punching themselves in the

01:28:45.440 face, Matt, because

01:28:47.160 yeah, I, I am.

01:28:51.480 I, I feel blessed.

01:28:52.620 I really do.

01:28:53.340 I haven't let it gone to

01:28:54.700 my head because like, you

01:28:56.340 know, I had to borrow camo

01:28:57.780 you know what I mean?

01:28:58.560 Like I, and, and really my

01:29:00.640 thought was this is what

01:29:02.100 made me feel good is I

01:29:03.380 talked to Rick and I'm

01:29:05.420 probably, I don't know if

01:29:06.420 Fry knows this, but I was

01:29:08.500 talking to Rick and I, and

01:29:09.620 he's like, how are you

01:29:10.180 feeling?

01:29:10.560 I'm like, dude, I am

01:29:11.580 stressed.

01:29:12.040 Right.

01:29:12.320 Like I shouldn't even be

01:29:14.120 going on this hunt.

01:29:14.900 Right.

01:29:15.180 Cause I, I, I never

01:29:16.320 shot archery.

01:29:17.780 I just got a bow a week

01:29:18.660 ago.

01:29:19.260 I'm practicing every day.

01:29:20.680 Um, you know, I, I just

01:29:23.260 want to be somewhat

01:29:24.300 effective and he's all,

01:29:26.140 he's all dude.

01:29:27.000 How many times has Ryan

01:29:28.520 been on this hunt?

01:29:29.520 I'm like, I don't know.

01:29:30.240 He's like six, six years.

01:29:31.880 He has, he's like, how

01:29:33.440 many times has he gotten

01:29:34.580 an access deer?

01:29:35.320 And I was like, Oh, got it.

01:29:38.440 Right.

01:29:38.680 So like the, I'm like, okay.

01:29:40.380 So if I come and I don't

01:29:41.660 get one, like, it's not like

01:29:43.360 I'm a complete moron.

01:29:44.580 Right.

01:29:44.860 Like he's like, no, no,

01:29:46.920 don't.

01:29:47.700 Yeah.

01:29:48.060 Low bar.

01:29:48.880 Right.

01:29:49.080 You just come and, and, and

01:29:50.880 do your best.

01:29:51.640 Right.

01:29:51.920 And so, so my thought was,

01:29:54.160 man, if I go and I get a

01:29:56.660 chance to fling an arrow,

01:29:58.560 that would be a win.

01:30:00.460 You know what I mean?

01:30:01.320 And, and, and I would be

01:30:02.600 happy and, and, and thus I

01:30:04.800 was happy immediately, like

01:30:06.340 on day one and, and had

01:30:08.400 plenty of opportunity.

01:30:09.620 And it was, it was a blast,

01:30:11.340 man.

01:30:11.480 I learned so much.

01:30:12.400 Like every shot I missed,

01:30:14.120 there was a lesson.

01:30:16.000 Oh, it wasn't like, Oh,

01:30:17.620 it was a bad shot.

01:30:18.380 It was like, Oh, I didn't

01:30:20.360 confirm a clean lane.

01:30:21.500 Oh, I didn't do this.

01:30:23.440 Oh, I didn't do that.

01:30:24.920 Right.

01:30:25.160 And so then the next day I

01:30:26.980 had that dialed in.

01:30:28.200 Right.

01:30:28.500 And so it was that week is

01:30:31.080 like a year or two of

01:30:32.740 hunting experience.

01:30:34.560 Yeah.

01:30:35.120 That's, that's how, what I

01:30:36.780 assumed, right?

01:30:38.060 Like it would have taken me

01:30:39.960 five years to get the

01:30:41.300 experience I got in that

01:30:42.280 week.

01:30:42.560 And it was, um, so it

01:30:44.020 was, and what a good crew

01:30:45.000 too, man.

01:30:45.640 Shout out to Rick and M42

01:30:47.280 adventures and all the

01:30:48.400 stuff they do.

01:30:49.020 Like, yeah, even anything

01:30:50.700 with that guy, it's going to

01:30:53.060 be a great time and a great

01:30:55.500 experience and you're going

01:30:56.720 to learn a lot.

01:30:57.700 Yeah.

01:30:58.300 It was, it was good stuff,

01:30:59.900 man.

01:31:00.100 So hopefully we, hopefully

01:31:02.220 you're back on the, on the

01:31:04.520 Molokai trip and maybe we

01:31:06.040 pull it off and, and I, and

01:31:07.640 I get to join you maybe next

01:31:08.940 year or something.

01:31:09.800 So yeah, it would be fun.

01:31:12.520 Yeah.

01:31:12.840 It was great.

01:31:13.520 All right, man.

01:31:14.340 Well, as a couple of key

01:31:15.980 call outs, the main thing

01:31:17.800 guys is the iron council.

01:31:19.620 So if you're on the fence,

01:31:21.320 you got like a week, that's

01:31:22.860 it.

01:31:23.440 So join us.

01:31:24.540 That's order of man.com slash

01:31:26.100 iron council.

01:31:26.880 Follow Mr.

01:31:27.900 Mickler on the socials at

01:31:29.480 Ryan Mickler, um, on X, as

01:31:32.260 well as Instagram.

01:31:33.700 Um, I don't know the exact

01:31:35.060 times and whatnot, so you'll

01:31:36.720 have to connect to him on the

01:31:37.820 socials, but we are doing a

01:31:39.420 preview call where we'll talk

01:31:41.780 about what it means to be in

01:31:44.400 the iron council and what does

01:31:45.420 that look like?

01:31:46.120 And so if you're looking for

01:31:47.020 more information, go to the

01:31:48.220 website and, or follow Ryan

01:31:50.260 for the details that of that

01:31:52.020 preview call, we'll do that

01:31:53.200 live on YouTube.

01:31:55.580 Um, and then, you know, maybe

01:31:57.560 the only other call out is,

01:31:58.960 you know, Sean already alluded

01:32:00.380 to it, you know, M42

01:32:01.600 adventures.com.

01:32:03.120 Uh, that's that Molokai trip

01:32:04.680 that I went on.

01:32:05.560 I know they're planning, uh, an

01:32:07.060 Africa trip later this summer.

01:32:09.260 There was a couple spots open

01:32:11.240 as of like a week ago.

01:32:13.500 So, um, get on that, uh, and

01:32:16.100 learn more by going to M42

01:32:18.100 adventures.com.

01:32:19.940 Sean, thanks again, man.

01:32:21.240 I appreciate it.

01:32:22.220 And then gentlemen until

01:32:24.520 Friday, take action and become

01:32:27.860 the men that you were meant to

01:32:29.160 be.

01:32:33.360 Thank you for listening to the

01:32:34.720 order of man podcast.

01:32:36.320 You're ready to take charge of

01:32:37.640 your life and be more of the

01:32:39.000 man you were meant to be.

01:32:40.120 We invite you to join the

01:32:41.580 order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - June 26, 2024

Mastering Fatherhood & Leadership Secrets ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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